DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - WORKBOOK
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - WORKBOOK
DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE Copyright 2012 Love Systems, Inc. All Rights Reserved
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - WORKBOOK EXERCISE 1 - PRIOR DATES In the space below, write out how your last date (or two) went. This will be an important reference as you work through this program.
EXERCISE 2 - SELF-DIAGNOSIS Look at Exercise 1 and write out the points in your dates where you feel you made mistakes or could have done something better. It is important to learn to diagnose your own mistakes. If you are unsure at this point, take your best guess. The idea is to get you thinking critically about your dates.
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - WORKBOOK
EXERCISE 3 - IMPROVEMENT AREAS Now that you’ve discovered what went wrong in your last dates, think of areas you’d like to improve in. If you need help, refer to Textbook 1. Write down at least five things you’d like to correct by the end of this course. (This will be a good way to track your progress as you improve.)
EXERCISE 4 - SETTING A TIME-BRIDGE Setting a time-bridge becomes easy once you’ve practiced it a few times. The good news is that you can always set the same time-bridge, even if it doesn’t come true. In the space below, write out two time-bridges you can use. Make sure to describe them with sensory details and action so the girl can envision herself doing them with you. 1)
2)
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - WORKBOOK EXERCISE 5 - FUTURE ADVENTURE PROJECTIONS Future adventure projections are meant to be fun and flirty. In the space below, write out a couple of your own you can use. Turn to the section on “Setting Up the Date” in Textbook 1 for examples. 1)
2)
EXERCISE 6 - ASKING HER OUT In the space below, follow the structure laid out and write a cheat sheet for your phone call. This will be a firm framework for you to start from. 1) Callback humor:
2) Interesting story:
3) Statement of interest:
4) Comfort story:
5) Statement of interest:
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - WORKBOOK 6) Comfort story or transition to seed:
7) Seed:
8) Her logistics:
9) T ime-bridge:
10) Hit and run:
11) End:
As your confidence and conversation skills improve, you can deviate more from this structure. In the space below, write out two possible seeds and time-bridges. Try to have them differ from one another so you have an option at both ends of the spectrum. You can use your time-bridges from Exercise 4 if you like. 1) Seed: T ime-bridge:
2) Seed: T ime-bridge:
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - WORKBOOK EXERCISE 7 - MAINTAINING INFORMALITY In the space below, write out the locations or activities of your last date. Last Date:
Ex. 1) Drinks at a pub - watched a band, cheap cover at the door - Informal Ex. 2) Dinner at restaurant - three-course meal, bottle of wine, two hours - Too Formal 1) 2) 3) 4) Breaking down your previous date, assess what parts you think were too formal for a first date and which parts you think worked well. Now, write out a new date. You can keep elements of your previous date if you think they are informal enough. 1) 2) 3) 4) Go over your list and think through not only the venue, but also what you will be doing at the venue and how much you’ll be spending. Is your date still informal? After your next date, write out the locations and activities and re-examine if they were too intense for a first date. Keep what works and change what doesn’t.
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - WORKBOOK EXERCISE 8 - TIME, PLACE, AND DAY In the chart below, write the times that are good/bad to contact or go on date with your numbers. You can also cross out times that don’t fit into your schedule as well.
Sunday
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday
Saturday
Girl 1 Girl 2 Girl 3
A chart like this will also help keep track of the days you take specific girls on specific dates and the space between them.
EXERCISE 9 - SENSUAL DATES IDEAS Sensual dates are memorable dates. Can you think of two dates that inspire the senses? If your date is unique it will stand out more. Refer to page 31 of the “Types of Dates” chapter in Textbook 1 for examples. 1)
2) For each of those dates, write out a brief outline of how you would pitch them to a woman when asking her out. (If you need help refer to page 23 of the “Setting up the Date” chapter in Textbook 1.) 1)
2)
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - WORKBOOK EXERCISE 10 - INSPIRING HER SENSES Creating an anchoring experience for her will keep you on her mind. In the space below, create three anchoring experiences that you can slip into any date. (For examples, turn to page 31 of “Types of Dates” in Textbook 1.) 1) 2) 3)
Look at your examples and jot down what part of your date plan these could fit into. (Turn to page 28 of Textbook 1 for more on date plans.)
EXERCISE 11 - SOCIAL CIRCLE DATES Think of one regular activity you do within your social circle and think of how you can bring your date into it. List three ways that you can accommodate her into the evening and make her feel a part of your circle. (For an example, refer to page 32 of the “Types of Dates” chapter in Textbook 1.) If you do not have a regular activity within your social circle that accommodates this plan, list some ideas for social circle activities that are fun for you and that would be good for dates. Consider pursuing these as an addition to your lifestyle. 1.
a.
b.
c.
2.
a.
b.
c.
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - WORKBOOK EXERCISE 12 - YOUR WORLD DATES Consider two major tenets of your lifestyle and think of how you could bring your date into them. List three ways that you could include her into each tenet. (For an example, refer to page 34 of the “Types of Dates” chapter in Textbook 1.) If you feel that it is not possible to accommodate your date into a major tenet of your lifestyle, think of a more tangential part of your lifestyle that would be good for dates. 1.
a.
b.
c.
2.
a.
b.
c.
EXERCISE 13 - HIGH VALUE DATES High value dates work well but take work to ensure. In the space below, write out three places you already have, or would like to have, high value. (If you are unsure what a high value location could be, refer to page 36 of the “Types of Dates” chapter in Textbook 1.) 1)
2)
3) Now that you know the locations for high value dates, write down the people at these locations you’ll have to befriend to gain status. If you don’t know whom you should befriend, start going
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - WORKBOOK to the venue and taking names of people working there and write them in the spaces below. Generally, the higher they rank in the venue, the better they are to know. 1)
2)
3) Lastly, some days/nights are better than others for befriending staff. For instance, a Friday night is usually too busy for you to chat with the manager of a bar. However, he may be more available on a Wednesday. In the space below, write the best times to work your venues so you can schedule them into your week. 1)
2)
3)
EXERCISE 14 - BAR HOPPING DATES Pick three venues that would be good for bar hopping. If you can, try to make them in close proximity to one another. Most importantly, have one that is close to your house. 1) 2) 3)
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - WORKBOOK Of these three, find one you would like to combine with your high value date and put a star beside it. Go back to Exercise 13 and add it in if it isn’t already there.
EXERCISE 15 - SECOND DATES In the space below, write out two low-key examples of second date spots. You don’t necessarily need three locations like you do for first dates. (Refer to page 40 of the “Types of Dates” chapter in Textbook 1 for examples.) 1)
2)
For each location, write out an activity or plan for what you’ll do. 1)
2)
Lastly, create an exit strategy or plan for escalation so you can get the girl to your bedroom. 1)
2)
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - WORKBOOK EXERCISE 16 - CONVEYING IDENTITY TRAITS Conveying identity is easy once you have the proper dress, style, etc. The hard part is putting your ensemble together. Since fashion and trends are always changing, you should keep an eye out for what’s trendy and what’s not. At the same time, you need an idea of what style is right for you. This can be done by modeling yourself after somebody else. In the space below, list three people, celebrities or movie characters, whose style you’d like to emulate. Think of the traits their styles enhance. These should be men who cast an image like the one you want to cast. 1)
2)
3)
Note: If you want to model rock stars or a celebrity who is a little bit outlandish, model what they wear off-stage, not while they are performing. You may be over-the-top if you model what they wear in the spotlight.
EXERCISE 17 - REFINING YOUR WARDROBE Of the three men in the previous exercise what does their style say about them (positive and negative)? What words could you use to describe them, and what comes to mind when you first look at their clothing and style? 1)
2)
3)
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - WORKBOOK Look at your list. Ask yourself if that is truly the identity you want to convey. Secondly, is this identity congruent to the lifestyle you are living? If not, you need to change your style or change your lifestyle so you become the complete package.
EXERCISE 18 - FRESHENING A lot of freshening fixes are pretty quick. It’s just a matter of putting aside the time to do them. Refer to the list in the Freshening section of Textbook 2. Do you have to take care of any of the examples listed? Perhaps you have some of your own? In the space below write what needs to fixed and allot time in your schedule for it. 1)
2)
EXERCISE 19 - GROOMING The biggest fix you can make for grooming is your hairstyle. Think of your favorite celebrities or characters in movies. Write down three below. 1)
2)
3)
Hop on the internet and run a search for their hairstyles. Ask yourself if the hairstyle is relevant not only to your image but also to the trends of today. (If you are unsure ask your stylist.)
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - WORKBOOK Lastly, book a consultation with a hairstylist. These are free and it’s their job. Take in the pictures from your search and ask your stylist what would look good on you. Different facial shapes accommodate haircuts differently, so what may look good on one celebrity may not suit your face or hair type. Get the stylist to make suggestions as well.
EXERCISE 20 - DRESS Take a look at your wardrobe and style right now. Ask yourself if it is based more on functionality or conveying identity. If it’s the former, you need an overhaul. Go through your closet and pick out at least three items that you know could be improved. In the space below, write what you would like to replace them with so you have an idea when you go out to buy clothes. 1)
2)
3)
It’s a good idea to start with three items and incorporate new ones as the seasons change. In time, you should be buying clothes in a nice rotation.
EXERCISE 21 - PREPARING YOUR PLACE Before your next date, check that you have done the following: ___
Clean bathroom
___
Only one couch to sit on in living room
___
Only bed is free to sit on in bedroom
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - WORKBOOK ___
Clothes in hamper
___
No clocks in sight
___
Blinds are down in bedroom
___
W ine (red and white) and vodka
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Condoms stashed in various locations
EXERCISE 22 - FIRST LOCATIONS Using the guidelines in the “First Locations” section of the “Preparing and Planning” textbook, write down three possible first date locations for your date. 1) 2) 3)
EXERCISE 23 - SECOND LOCATIONS Using the guidelines in the “Second Locations” section of the “Preparing and Planning” textbook, write down three possible second date locations for your date. 1) 2) 3)
EXERCISE 24 - THIRD LOCATIONS Using the guidelines in the “Third Locations” section of the “Preparing and Planning” textbook, write down three possible third date locations for your date. 1)
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - WORKBOOK 2) 3)
EXERCISE 25 - WHO In the space below, write out a couple of people who can provide you with social proof during your dates. Try to coordinate one person to a location from Exercises 22, 23, and 24. 1) 2)
Next, write out how these people can provide you with social proof or what sort of access they may provide you during the date. 1) 2)
EXERCISE 26 - SKETCHING OUT YOUR DATE Using the example from the “Example Of A Basic Date Plan” box on page 21 of the “Preparing and Planning” chapter in Textbook 1 as a reference, sketch out a timeline for your date. • • • • • • •
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - WORKBOOK EXERCISE 27 - SELLING YOUR DATE Looking at your sketch from Exercise 26, write down some sensory details about each location that you can use to upsell them to your date. These should be engaging details, not logical facts. Turn to the “Selling the Event” section of the “Preparing and Planning” textbook for an example. 1.
a.
b.
c.
2.
a.
b.
c.
3.
a.
b.
EXERCISE 28 - SETTING STANDARDS In the space below, list at least 8 qualities you expect a woman you date to have. For each quality, give a meaning. If you want an adventurous woman, it will imply that she is open to trying new things. Beneath each quality write a brief anecdote of how you’ll set this frame or give an example of a story. All of the qualities you list should be desired in a woman you date long term. Circle the qualities that only matter for women you date casually. This will help you determine which women are suitable for a serious relationship and which ones are best to keep casual. Example: Adventurous - She’ll be open to trying new things - I’ll set this by telling a story. “I love to go climbing on the weekends. It’s pretty much my favorite activity and I’m always looking for new spots. I’m always up for an adventure. Are you an outdoor girl?”
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - WORKBOOK
EXERCISE 29 - DEFINING BOUNDARIES On the next page, list 5 qualities you will not tolerate from the women you date. For each quality, give a meaning. If you will not tolerate a woman who is constantly negative, it will imply that she brings you down and sucks energy from you. Beneath each quality write a brief anecdote of how you’ll set this frame or give an example of a story. Beside each quality, write whether or not it’s a deal breaking “hard” boundary or a “soft” boundary. For a woman you seriously date, you must hold up your soft and hard boundaries. For women you date casually, you can’t expect them to adhere to all of your soft boundaries. Recognizing this before you start dating will cause less frustration later. Example: Negative - She will drag me down when I hang out with her for extended periods - I’ll set this boundary by refusing to engage in negative conversation, and if she persists I will tell her we need to talk about something more positive. This is a soft boundary because I won’t be hanging out with casual dates enough to let it affect me and I don’t want to let negative people be involved in my day-to-day life.
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - WORKBOOK
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - WORKBOOK EXERCISE 30 - THE MAGICAL WHAT IF In the space below think of the potential outcomes from the situations listed using the magical “what if.” Write out contingencies for each situation so you know how to deal with them when they arise. Circle the best outcome. After each date, write at least one situation you get into where the magical “what if” would have served you well then figure out a contingency for the next time. Example Q: What if she shows up late?
A: I sit tight at my house and think “She must really want to impress me by making sure she is getting ready.” I stay relaxed until she comes and feel at ease. A: I get angry and let it affect me. In turn, she thinks I overreact and the date goes badly. A: I use this as an opportunity to make sure my house is clean. When she shows up, I tease her by saying, “You look gorgeous, but you didn’t have to spend all night getting ready for me” and give her a hug.
Q1: What if I ask her to come back to my place for (a glass of wine, to see the view, show her my website, etc.)? A:
Q2: What if I try to kiss her? A:
Q3: What if she flakes on me with a legitimate excuse? A:
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - WORKBOOK Q4: What if the bar we were going to go to is closed? A:
Q5: What if she says, “We shouldn’t be doing this,” when we’re in bed? A: YOUR QUESTIONS:
EXERCISE 31 - INSPIRING COMPLIMENTS Think of the last woman you went on a date with, or pay close attention to one you meet tomorrow. Look at the details of her dress, hair, style. Think of three inspiring compliments you could give her based on her appearance. Story 1: “I always wanted to be a fashion designer, so I moved to New York because that is where the best schools are for it. I didn’t like the city at first, but I don’t think I could ever leave now.” Compliments:
“I think it’s great you’ve followed your goals. There aren’t many people who can actually stick with their goals when the going gets tough. I admire driven people.” Story 2: “I went backpacking in Asia a few years ago with my sister. It’s great because everything in Thailand is so cheap... I don’t know, I just always thought the culture over there was so cool and I loved the beaches. I think I want to go to Australia next.”
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - WORKBOOK Compliments:
“I’ve done a lot of travelling too. I find when you travel you become more open-minded. I’m a sucker for adventurous types because they are always trying new things. It’s boring when two people just sit around watching TV.” -
EXERCISE 32 - FRAMING Sometimes you have a short moment of time to insert frames into a conversation. If you miss this opportune moment you may not get it again or have to force it, which is never good. For the stock lines below, write down scenarios from a past date when you could have used them to set a frame. “You’re a player, aren’t you?” Example: When she brings up a story or complains about another guy. 1) 2)
“You’re trouble. I’ve got to watch out for you.” 1) 2)
“So many girls think that I can just be won over on the first date, but the hard part is actually keeping me interested. I just have high standards so it takes somebody special.”
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - WORKBOOK
1) 2) “We need to find her a nice guy - a PG-13. I know you should be with a nice guy. A guy who will buy you flowers. Be there when you come home and cook dinner for you.” 1) 2)
EXERCISE 33 - LEADING Think of the last date that you went on. Was there a time when you hesitated or let your date take the lead? In the space below, write down three times that you gave up the lead when you had a chance. 1) 2) 3)
Now, for each of those times, write out what led up to you not taking the lead and what thoughts were going through your head. 1) 2) 3)
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - WORKBOOK Lastly, for the typical date you go on, write down what you should have done, or what you can do next time and what outcome it will produce. 1) 2) 3)
Take a second to visualize these outcomes thoroughly. That way they will be embedded in your mind so you can catch them in the moment on your next date.
EXERCISE 34 - KEEP IT CASUAL Keeping it casual often involves keeping in the moment, but this can be tough when you are trying to create a plan. In the space below, write some examples of how you can find out things about her while still making the conversation seem spontaneous. Example 1) If I want to know if she has travelled, I’ll talk about my recent trip to Tokyo and then ask if she has travelled. If she has, I’ll compliment her on being “adventurous.” Example 2) My second location for the date will be a sports bar. This will be a good time to ask her if she has played any sports. It will also allow me to talk about how I play soccer. 1)
2)
3)
4)
5)
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - WORKBOOK EXERCISE 35 - RE-SPARK ATTRACTION In the space below, write down a role-play and one quick attraction story you can tell to inject life into the beginning of your date. Role-play 1)
Story 1)
EXERCISE 36 - QUALIFYING HER In the space below, write down 10 qualities you desire in a woman with whom you’re entering a sexual relationship. These can include personality traits, passions, ambitions, and sexual tastes. Refer to the “Qualifying Her” section of the “On the Date” textbook for examples. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - WORKBOOK EXERCISE 37 - RECOGNIZING QUALIFICATION Now that you’ve defined the qualities you’re looking for, in the space below write out how you’ll recognize them. Go beyond the obvious “She agrees with what I say” for qualities she displays without her consciously acknowledging them. Refer to the examples in the “Qualify Her” section of the “On the Date” textbook. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.
EXERCISE 38 - DISPLAYING QUALITIES If you want to show your best qualities, ones that should be filtered through the attraction switches, you need to know what they are before you attempt to display them. In the space below, write your five best qualities. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - WORKBOOK
Next, write how you will display these qualities. These could be through a story, showing her evidence of them, or having other people acknowledge them in you indirectly. In the space below, write a way you will display each quality: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.
EXERCISE 39 - ABOUT HER If you are dating, especially if you are interested in finding a long-term partner, you must know what things you value in a partner. In the space below, write at least five things you require in a partner. These could be anything from having a certain level of education to not having any kids. Star the ones that are deal breakers. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. For each of those qualities, write out how you will find out if she possesses them below. These could be through asking questions or through certain clues she gives. Know what you’re going to look for. 1. 2. 3.
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - WORKBOOK 4. 5.
EXERCISE 40 - FREEZING UP Everybody runs out of things to say on a date. While being comfortable with some silence is a good thing, not being able to hold a conversation is a bad thing. This is why it is good to have a “panic line” to avoid extended silences. In the space below, write two lines or questions that you can use as your default when you completely run out of things to say. 1. 2. These lines should get the ball rolling. It is also a good idea to have a universal topic you can freely talk about (that isn’t the weather or the news). Below, write a topic or story you can easily bring up when you have nothing to say during a date. If it can relate to your line or question above, even better. 1. 2.
EXERCISE 41 - MENTALITIES Take a second to think of all of your beliefs about sex - good, bad, limiting, and empowering. Write them all below. 1) 2) 3)
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - WORKBOOK 4) 5) Look at your list and think back to where these beliefs first came from. Are they yours or are they those of your parents, friends, upbringing, etc.? This may take a while, but you can often discover where they first came from by meditating on their origins. Once you discover the roots of those beliefs, examine if they are helping your end game or hindering it. If it’s the latter, write an empowering belief in the space below to replace it.
EXERCISE 42 - PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY The best part about creating excuses for plausible deniability is that they are often not too difficult and they don’t have to be too serious. Write out two excuses below. One should be a “go to” that you can use any time. (Go to the “Plausible Deniability” section of the “End Game” textbook to see examples.) 1) 2) Take those excuses and give a brief lead up to how you will weave them into conversation. If this seems difficult to you, make it a “he said/she said” like on page 21 of the “End Game” chapter in Textbook 3. 1) 2)
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - WORKBOOK EXERCISE 43 - FRAMING TO PREVENT LMR Think back to your last date. How well did you create sexual frames? Think of the places you’ll go and the activities you’ll do on your next date. (If you don’t have a plan yet, go to page 21 of the “Preparing and Planning“ chapter in Textbook 2 for date ideas.) In the space below, set some goals for what sexual frames you’d like to set by the time you leave that location. You will probably want playful ones early in the date and more explicit ones by the end of your second location. Be specific in what you’ll say or do to set them so you know what you’re going to do on your date. 1) 2) 3) This is a simple exercise to do, but it can be challenging to meet these goals on your date. You should eventually get to the point where you intuitively know how early and how intensely you can set frames throughout your date.
EXERCISE 44 - BUILDING A GROUNDING ROUTINE Before you can create an entire grounding story you need to identify its three major parts where you came from, where you are now, and where you are going. These three elements should connect to create the foundation of your story. They must tie in together. Past) Present) Future) Next, take those foundational elements and weave in the details. Make sure the details are
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DATE! THE COMPLETE HOME STUDY COURSE - WORKBOOK ones that shape the journey between the main elements. For an example of this, turn to page 24 of the “End Game” chapter in Textbook 3 to see how playing baseball transitions into learning computer programming.
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