BLUEPRINT DECODED - Notes Day One – Liberation: Liberate the terrifying genius of your hidden self 1-1 Background
Tyler’s personal history. Inconsistencies in nights out; whether they are good or bad. When you are outcome attached, it will kill your game. Successful with women shouldn’t be something you do but something you are – being not doing. Tyler wrote ‘The Blueprint’ in 4 years so he could carry himself as a man and not have to think about this stuff again. The more you re-watch the ‘Blueprint Decoded’ program after time has passed and you’ve had experiences, the more sense it will make to you. The community started 15 years ago and it has gradually moved forward. Originally it was about “We’re men and we’re pissed off”. Don’t put women on pedestals. It’s all in your head. In reality, men and women are on the same level. The origin of Tyler’s name. More history of the industry. The industry gained popularity in 2004. This made Tyler feel more incongruent because people would know all his lines. Tyler made himself and all his staff become naturals with women. Talks about his first approach without using any pickup lines. He had autopilot responses in his mind about what lines to use. Tactics were like a shell over his old self and nothing internal had changed while he used them. He stuck at it and came up with new principles. ‘The Blueprint’ is about becoming the sex-worthy guy. It is common for you to appear to be having incredible success with women to your friends (like making a girl laugh), but not really getting the real success you want. Becoming successful with women gives you choice with women. Being not doing. This still involves going out and meeting women. If you go out, most of your sticking points will autocorrect. Tyler has been rehearsing this program for one year. The program eventually became fairly condensed. It starts with principles then builds on itself. Most people in the world walk through life in a walking daze. They don’t have a concept of their own values and what they want out of life.
Misconceptions
Common misconceptions about getting girls (limiting beliefs): o 1. Money helps you get girls. In reality, money is not actually doing anything for you. It can hinder you. If you show girls that you have money, you have categorised yourself as the providing male. The Lover / Provider distinction. We make money for ourselves. o 2. Looks help you get girls. A good looking guy can have some success because some girls will choose him. Is the most popular guy at a party always the best looking? No, it’s not like that. Guys will look at anomalies and then make an entire theory of pickup about it. All of this is just social conditioning. A chode is a guy who essentially: o Doesn't have his own sense of values and identity o Cares what others think of him o Thinks he has to run the grind of social conditioning in order to get ahead in life and meet girls o This manifests as e.g. Buying girls drinks Thinking he has to take a girl out for a year before they can have sex
1-2
Common misconceptions continued: o 3. Romance. o 4. Commonalities. o 5. Friendship first. E.g. Consoling a girl about her current relationship.
Social Conditioning
Social Conditioning comes from the media, society, parents, work, friends, religion, movies, songs, television, advertising, anywhere. Stories about young Tyler under social conditioning. There is no cause and effect relationship between the ideas of social conditioning and what actually creates attraction. It’s arbitrary. Girls want guys who stand out from the crowd. You can’t have the same approach as everybody else. 1
Humans learn really fast because we learn socially (from those around us) all the time and constantly. There are two different ways we learn: o 1. First-hand experience o 2. Socially Social Conditioning is good most of the time because you can learn quickly. Our minds are wired for social conditioning and it is part of what make humans intelligent. Mechanisms of social conditioning: o 1. How certain someone is of their ideas o 2. How in alignment someone is with their ideas on obvious and subtle levels o 3. The number of other people that also bind to those ideas Downside: whenever information passes through these 3 filters your unconscious mind tells you that it must be true. Ideas, no matter how stupid, can spread like wildfire. This has caused countless unnecessary deaths, racism and wars throughout history. People look at what other people are doing. Things like propaganda, superstition, prejudice, smear campaigns, idealisation and myths all come down to the reasoning that “It must be true because I can just feel it”. When you have a certain belief, your mind is set up to continually find evidence to support that belief. When you tell somebody that they are mistaken about a belief, they won’t take it well. Effects of social conditioning on people: o 1. Teaches people to look on the surface of things and not the depth o 2. Addiction to never ending stimulation o 3. Addiction to looking to other people to think for you o 4. Gives you certain beliefs that because so many other people believe them they will feel so real that you cannot distinguish them from what’s false, even if your common sense tells you that you shouldn’t believe it.
Value
The cause of attraction is value. What constitutes value for a man is different from what constitutes value for a woman. Value is anything that can help you and your children to survive. Value is also anything that gives us good emotions because we don’t always know what is going to help us. Value is like a magnet. E.g. food when you’re hungry or a hot girl when you’re chatting to your friend. Generally, guys want to cultivate value for themselves. For the short-term, value for guys is physically attractiveness of women. Survival used to be much harder for humans so value for women includes decisiveness, resourcefulness, dominance and fearlessness of men. Women respond to these qualities in men. Cavemen didn't have mirrors; you don't need one either. Girls don’t need a guy with money; they can take care of themselves.
1-3 Sub-communication
Girls are not as shallow as most men are. Girls like the qualities that show a man’s realness. This is communicated by sub-communication (non-verbal). It takes women longer to decide whether a guy is attractive than it take a guy to decide whether a woman is attractive. Men look at visual cues of women; women look at behavioural cues of men. Men are turned on instantly like a light switch; women are turned on gradually like a volume knob. 2 types of sub-communication are: o 1. Your behaviour o 2. How others react around you Examples of sub-communication: o 1. Eye contact o 2. Vocal tonality o 3. Body language o 4. Your sense of individuality o 5. Humour and playfulness o 6. Comfort in your environment o 7. Indifference to what people think of you o 8. Your concepts and personal boundaries of what you will and will not accept o 9. Your control over your own emotions and your sense of reality o 10. Your confidence to say what’s on your mind and stand out o 11. Your self-directedness, conviction and grasp of your own standards o 12. Your sense of entitlement and willingness to go for what you want o 13. The types of things you say and the emotion behind the ways you say them, all in relation to the other people there Your sub-communication is more important and says so much more than the words you actually say. A man’s behaviour can change really quickly which means that woman can lose attraction really quickly. The more a woman becomes attracted to a man, the more the words become irrelevant. When you start speaking logically to a woman, all good sub-communication gets cut off. A man’s value is not static like a woman’s value to a man. Women are always feeling your value from moment to moment. Attraction happens very fast. If you have known a girl for a while and she doesn’t like you, don't think about how you can make her like you. Neediness is very unattractive. A guy who is successful with woman thinks about woman with an abundance mentality; he doesn’t focus on just one girl. 2
Social Conditioning
Objectification is trying to turn yourself into something of value. Everybody does it. Society gives you never ending mental stimulation, like a magic pill for everything (the answer to all your problems). This is because the supply will always meet the demand. With a superficial value system (society and advertising), an attractive girl is the pinnacle of achievement. You could be a doctor that saves thousands of lives, but the only thing that matters is a hot girl in a miniskirt. He will feel nervous approaching her. You cannot win the social conditioning game. Your possessions can be a reflection of what you’ve done in life, but they are for your own enjoyment. Be who you are meant to be. Act through your own intentions. Social conditioning is what holds you back from approaching the girls you want to talk to. Traits of the best consumers: o Dissatisfied o Mild paranoia about his status and confusion about where he stands o No identity o No values; doesn’t know what he wants out of life We have a spectator culture. We look to other people and don’t want the glory anymore. People don’t care about the natural world because they’ve never even seen it. They don’t care about the third-world because they’ve never even seen it. It’s so much easier for you to stand back and watch other people do things than to do things yourself; spectator culture. Have a life of your own design. Life is short. Do what the fuck you want! – as long as you’re offering value and not taking it. When a woman is chasing to live up to your standards, she will be far more attracted to you than when she can sense that you are trying to live up to her standards. This comes across in sub-communication. Whenever you’re meeting a woman there is always a subtle vibe going on – who is reacting more to whom? The more firm you are in your own sense of identity of who you are and the stronger you are in what you value, then the more you will be the attractive individual in an interaction with a girl. She is going to want your validation. In conversations, people try to live up to the values of the person that has higher value.
1-4
Living in reaction involves not knowing: o 1. Who you are o 2. What you value o 3. What you’re appreciative for o 4. How your emotions work o 5. What you want out of life o 6. Why certain influences are positive or corrupting Chodes live in reaction. They are scattered and are missing their centre. What is the best way for you to be living your life? How are the decisions you are making affect your sub-communications? Unless you’re capable of walking up to any woman with complete confidence and not even think about it, there’s work to be done. Most people want the tactics and the quick fixes, and then they look for the principles. ‘The Blueprint’ is a program about principles. Most people can’t handle the complexities that are involved. For a man who is attractive to women, the self is always coming through. It doesn’t matter how you open an interaction because the self is always coming through.
Value
Backwards rationalising involves inventing logical reasons for our emotionally motivated actions during or after the actions in order to feel good about them. We all do it. A girl will often backward rationalise that a guy is more interesting and funny than he really is, if he has value. Value always comes first. If you have high value then you don’t have to try as hard to make a girl laugh. She will give you more of a chance if you have value. A girl is more likely to want to find out more about you and take you more seriously if you have value. Because people have limited time and energy, we tend to seek out relationships that benefit us the most. The longevity of a relationship is always dictated by the value that people continue to get out of it. As soon as someone senses that they would benefit from directing their time and energy elsewhere, their mind is wired to start seeking out reasons to do so. Reticular activation system (RAS) filters out that which is of no value to you and zones in on that which does have value. RAS focuses on value and threats. Observe your own RAS. To be good with women you have to get in touch with the way you naturally act and be the person you are meant to be. Try and just “be normal”. Try and get people to fight to be in your field of vision (RAS). Being normal around attractive women makes you very attractive. The most liberating mindset is to accept that the world owes you nothing, and in the long run you will get back what you deserve. Don't be thinking that you deserve value. Value is a magnet that drags your perception around with you all the time. When you have value people will: o Listen to what you have to say 3
o Try to impress you in conversation o Won’t mind you changing the direction of the conversation o Will want to do the things you want to do If you don’t have value, nothing happens. No one wants to get kicked out of the “warm end of the pool”. When you’re talking to a group of people, often you’ll only address one specific person (the anchor of the conversation) because you’re trying to get their approval. There’s usually one main guy that everyone is looking at. Situational value is value that isn’t worth anything on its own but in a particular situation, it is worth a lot. It is when the environment gives someone a status that they would not have on their own. This gives them situational confidence. E.g. professor, performer, party host, DJ, celebrity, bar tender, promoter, bouncer. Situational confidence is when you know you can get a positive response in your environment, so you feel like you can be you. When a person is taken out of their environment, their behaviour changes. The value simply prompts them to be more attractive. When you know you have value, you will tend to be outside your head and when you don’t think you have value, you will tend to be inside your head. When you know you have value, you will tend to be in the moment and when you don’t think you have value, you will tend to be micromanaging. When you’re outside your head (in the moment) you are: o Enjoying yourself o Acting in the moment o Letting your real personality come out o Saying what’s on your mind o Being unaffected by how other people react to you o Being detached from the outcome of any particular interaction o Taking things as they come o Being fully present to what’s going on around you o Assuming and expecting that everyone is your friend When you’re in your head (micromanaging) you are: o Not enjoying the moment for what it is and wondering how you can make the moment better o Trying to change your personality specifically to make people like you o Feeling flustered by all the social things you think you need to be doing o Being emotionally affected by other people’s reactions o Feeling like some particular interaction has to work or you might not get another chance o Trying to think a step ahead and analysing how everyone will respond to you o Being too stuck in your mind to really even pay attention to what’s going on around you o Feeling like you’re being judged The best way to make people like you is to express your personality freely, and let the chips fall where they may. This implies that you are cool with who you are and you probably have the value to back it up. This will sub-communicate more value than trying to explicitly communicate value.
1-5 Reactiveness
In any social interaction there is always a person reacting more to the other person than the other person is reacting to them. When someone is reacting to you: o 1. Their natural personality is being affected by you o 2. The way they feel about themselves is tied up on your responses to them o 3. Their focus is more directed towards you than other people in the room o 4. They feel a heightened emotional response to physical contact from you o 5. They are analysing how they are taking up your space and time When you have these reactions towards people, you are giving your power away. Everyone wants to hang out with cool, fun and interesting people who don’t give their power away. No one wants you to give your power away. Situational confidence leads to familiar stereotypical guys that are known to get girls. E.g. Restaurant manager that hooks up with all his female staff members and the bar tender which hooks up with all the hot bar girls. Guys in these environments have situational confidence and have people reacting to them. Women are not wired to understand the complexities of modern society so when women see this sub-communication from these guys, they are more compliant. In a different environment he is not as attractive. He’s probably not going to be leading people around; his voice is going to change; his eye contact is going to change; his decisiveness is going to change; he’s going to be looking to other people; he’s not going to be the anchor of conversations anymore and he’s going to want other people’s approval. You should have core confidence and not situational confidence. “I’m going to have fun and I don’t care what you think.” “I’m going to have a good time.” The most attractive guy is the person who has the most people reacting to his approval and is the most indifferent about it. You should have core value and not situational value. You should be able to go into any environment and be the same guy. When you get a girl, it should be because of you and you putting your personality on the line, and not any situation. The great equalizer is when people are taken out of their environment. Develop freedom and authenticity for yourself. 4
Love
If you want to be successful with a particular woman, learn to be successful with women in general. When you’re in a relationship, it’s like you have a special bond with a girl that you couldn’t get anywhere else. She keeps reaffirming that you have a special quality that she couldn’t get anywhere else. When you break up, you’re shocked because you thought it was love and that it was forever. Some guys get jaded and don’t want to get screwed-over again. Some guys are just needy. What is love? There are many different kinds of love. E.g. brotherly love, love for a father, love for a mother, infatuation, long-term love. When love is broken up into different kinds, then the self-hypnosis is not as common. People think that fate will take care of love and that’s why people self-hypnotize themselves into all sorts of wacky beliefs and undergo so much emotional pain and so many unpleasant experiences. Anxious co-dependence is mistaking neediness for love. Love is not caused by another person; it is a trance you put yourself in. As we loop thoughts over and over around a concept of a particular person, our mind shifts the way we perceive them and suddenly everything makes sense – “It’s love”. As it takes hold of your psyche and your physical body follows suit by spinning and intensifying your emotions until you are fully enraptured. Love will take a concept of a girl and turn her into something she’s not. The chode version of love involves having a gap in self-esteem and then getting validation from having a girl (the good feeling inside). Then he thinks he is in love with that person. This can be co-dependent as well. You should be able to selfgenerate that good feeling of just being you. A lot of guys use a girl that they have as a form of situational confidence, and when they lose her, he is lost. You don’t know somebody until you’ve known them for a long time. When you get involved with somebody, you take on all their problems as your own. When you first meet a girl, you are getting to know one facet of her personality. A lot of guys are good when meeting woman but halfway through the interaction they become outcome-dependent and attached. Your concept of what love is and wanting to fall in love is actually interfering with the process of finding that great girl. Remember not to assume anything about a woman – you don’t know her that well. You need to get the spiritual side of yourself handled (your place in the world) in order to get good with women. Become a person that can be independently amused and validated, and then you don’t even need a relationship. When you have this, girls will want a relationship with you. Lesson for Day One: Do what you want, when you want. Be the person you’re meant to be. Don't give a fuck what anybody thinks of you. Think of the kind of behaviours you have when you’re on your own and being the person you want to be. Communicate with everyone in that way. Allow yourself to feel good.
Day Two – Ignition: Ignite the ravening power of your authentic core 2-1 Identity
Identity is a concept that relates you to and also separates you from your social environment. It is your concept of who you are, how you’re different from other people, how you stand in relation to other people, what give you a certain status relative to other people and as a result you can act in certain ways. We are always processing the world through that little seed in our minds which is our identity. The thing that stops you from being a cool guy is your sense of identity (belief about who you are). Your identity can help you and hinder you. If an idea that you’re talking about with someone goes beyond the constraints of who they think they are and what they think they’re capable of, they will block it out immediately. They’ll say “That’s not me”. A lot of your identity and personality is totally arbitrary; it could have developed in so many different ways, all by chance. The likelihood is that you did not come up with who you are. Your identity and personality arise from social feedback, but your core essence never changes. Be the person who you want to be. If you want to change your personality then do it. You can always evolve in the direction you want. In your concept of who you are (identity), you know what you deserve in terms of woman. When you know you deserve a girl, attraction is automatic – it’s so easy. There will be a lot of subtle things you are doing that cause attraction. To be a guy who really pulls woman, you have to be completely centred in who you are and not engage in an extremely subtle type of supplication.
Social Feedback
Your mind is always pinging to find out who you are, and what permissible behaviour in your environment is. This is social feedback. On a very subtle level, we’re always looking at how other people are reacting to our behaviour. A great deal of your reality is unverified and second hand. People don’t have enough time to verify everything about the world. We have to learn to trust secondary information (socially transmitted information). When people are sure of themselves and certain of themselves, then we tend to trust them more.
5
Imprints
Everybody has a concept of what a cool person looks like and what a less cool person looks like. This is an imprint. It’s like it’s an instinct to know what a high status person looks like. Some imprints are innate and some are culturally-based. You have an imprint in your mind on how you’re supposed to act. Your situation is always changing, and as it does, your mind is always looking at social feedback to figure out how much value you have and determine which personality is appropriate at that time. Your mind is letting you have a certain personality. We now live in a society where life has value and people will not hurt each other. You can step up and do whatever you want, it doesn’t matter. You have to be able to endure humiliation, repeatedly.
Why does your mind come up with a system that doesn’t let you act above you ranger? In the interest of keeping you alive, your mind has evolved an emotional system that gives you encouragement to access the confident part of your personality whenever you think you have value, and it give you discouragement when you don’t. This emotional access issue is something you still deal with today even though most of the threats it was designed to help you avoid no longer exist. The name of this emotion is state.
2-2
State
State (fancy word for confidence) is the emotional system which looks at a situation to see whether or not you have value and give you access to the part of your personality that works best. Characteristics of being ‘in state’: o Feeling of being complete. o A surge of positivity, steadiness and dominance. o Natural flow when everything clicks. o A feeling that you are the source of good emotions in the environment. o Full access to the cool parts of your personality. “Being your best self”. o Your mind quiets, you’re in the moment, you’re outside your head and everything just works. o Not trying to impress, not trying to persuade and not trying to conform because you have no reason to care. Characteristics of being ‘out of state’: o A feeling of being incomplete. o Burden of being weighed down, anxious or antsy. o Unnaturalness where everything is off-rhythm and ill-timed. o You view other people as a source of other emotions. A view that other people have value and you don’t want to bother them. State sub-communicates value. People want to be on the receiving end of authentic communication. Authentic communication comes from a place of abundance. When you’re in state, you’re accessing your best self. When you’re so conscious of state, you can be paranoid and not go into state. When you know that state matters you will resist it. On one level you can know that state is liberating, but on another level you have to have the personal boundary that, “If I’m not in state, I’m just going to go through the motions anyway”. “I will never monitor whether I’m in state, I’ll just go through my life.” Resistance is an emotion. If you don’t know what resistance is, you’ll believe that a lot of your other negative emotions that are really being caused by resistance are real – you’ll fuel them. Resistance is the emotion you experience when you wish that the reality that’s in front of you existed in some different way. If you’re thinking, ‘I want to be in state’, this is resistance. Never resist the now, it is what it is. Don’t identify with the emotion, just recognise it. This creates space between you and the emotion. The first gateway out of resistance is to accept it and take right action. “I’m not in state, I don’t mind.” That which you resist, persists. We live in a society where the idea that bad emotions or a valid excuse not to act is actually feasible to most people. Courageous people are able to walk through the cloud of bad emotions and take right action. Identity criterion / entitlement criterion is what your mind needs to be your best self and to view yourself as a worthwhile guy. It involves where your mind looks to reference how much value you have, or the rule you have to decide whether or not you’re allowed to go into state. Your state will go up or down depending on your criterion. The thermometer you use to decide whether or not you go into state is actually programmable. o 1. Superficial social standards like being dressed well has been programmed into you by society to allow you to go into state. o 2. Feeling guaranteed acceptance because of the people around you (alliances / friends). o 3. Having something or being able to do something that people want or like (competencies). o 4. Circumstances in your life call on you to assume a role (role plays). Everybody chases after circumstances that allow you to have state. To tool another guy out who’s competing with you for a girl, just pretend you don’t hear him. A role is just a role; don’t identify with it.
2-3 6
The cause and effect relationship with entitlement criterion and state is skewed. Anything you have, you can make cool. Don’t be the unthinking masses. Make your own style and don’t chase trends. When you have core confidence, you can flip the cause and effect relationship. Once you have core confidence and value, everything will be cool.
Core Confidence
Core confidence comes from an unshakable conviction of who you are and what you’re entitled to. It’s a confidence that allows you to take on a charismatic attitude that gets people reacting to you regardless of the situation you’re in. You identify yourself as an individual that can’t be categorised, with a dynamic and flexible identity that can evolve at anytime you choose. You know what you’ve been through in life and you trust yourself to get by in any situation no matter what. You value your own opinion of yourself more highly than the opinions of others and you determine your own value by criteria that are your own. You know that your acceptance in any situation is never a threat to your overall wellbeing. You know what your best qualities are and even if people don’t see them or acknowledge them, you know very well that they exist. You know that you offer real value to people and if they don’t see it, then it’s their issue and not yours. You believe that your life, perspective and energy have an inherent value whether other people acknowledge it or not. You really have to look deep within yourself over time to gradually find core confidence. You will gather reference experiences along the way to let it grow. Going out by yourself and travelling can help you develop core confidence.
Conflicting Realities
Your ‘sense of reality’ is: o What allows you to make predictions about the world o Your view of how the world works o What people are like and how they should respond to you o Your view of what you deserve out of life Whoever has the strongest reality wins. Whoever has the strongest sense of reality will tend to impose their reality onto the other people around them. Whoever has the strongest belief about who they are and how people should treat them will suck people into that reality – people will start to interact with them in that context. An attractive guy isn’t pinging the environment all the time to determine what people think. When you have a strong reality, you rely less on other people’s opinions and more on your own. Beliefs of the bitchy LA 10 reality: o 1. I’m a hot girl. o 2. You are “the next guy of the night who puts me on a pedestal”. o 3. You need validation, approval and sex from me. o 4. I am too hard for you to get. o 5. But feel free to entertain me if you like. To impose this reality she will say, ‘Oh, you’re trying to pick me up’ or ‘You’re a jerk’, etc. Guy who gets a lot of girls’ reality: o 1. I have no shortage of options. o 2. I am chatting you. Why? I'm having fun. Girls are silly, adorable and fun to be around, and I am chatting you. o 3. I am totally fulfilled in everything; I have everything that I need. o 4. You seem cool and if you turn out to be different from other girls, we might hang out. o 5. When I want something, I take it, but for now I am just chatting and having fun. Don’t identify with any method or tactic, just go as simple and direct as possible. If something isn't working, move on to something else. Don’t take what gurus have to say too seriously; decide for yourself. To be able understand anything about this stuff you have to: o 1. Have the reference experiences. o 2. Ask yourself, “Why does this work?” “What are the mechanics behind it that make it work?” Whoever has the stronger reality is an unspoken thing and it’s seen in the dynamic between the individuals.
2-4
Who is screening, and who is trying to impress? Understand the dynamic of these. The self is always coming through. You can't hide it. Who is emotionally affected by the other person’s acceptance, and who feels no change? Who is losing their concept of what’s cool and who feels no change? When both people don’t lose their sense of what’s cool, that is a more authentic type of interaction. Who is changing the way they normally talk to keep up, and who is setting the tone of the conversation? Instead of reacting to what others like, have a centred rootedness in your own beliefs and mannerisms in your own life. Don’t react to other people reacting. The cool people have their own fun. You should be able to amuse yourself. The ability to amuse yourself is one of the most attractive qualities you can cultivate. When you are on your own, you have to be able to enjoy yourself and amuse yourself. When you feel good on your own, that good feeling naturally leads to that nice unreactiveness. You no longer feel that black hole of neediness. By not allowing your own behaviours and emotions to be thrown off by the other person’s reality, you are being the most unreactive. Unreactive does not mean unresponsive or inexpressive. You do not want to turn into Clint Eastwood (blank stare). Respond to the world, but on your own terms. Act through your own intentions. You can react to the things you like and appreciate, and to the reality you want. 7
If a girl is trying to push you into a role, such as you chasing her or you trying to get her, do not let that into your reality. Stay positive, upbeat, and be you, and draw her into that good reality and state you are in. This is what allows the best guys to be what they are. Ploughing through at the start of a conversation is just holding the frame. Hold your state and don’t react to negative outside influences. Being treated negatively is so far outside of your reality. Not only do you not put up with negativity, but you don't even realize that negativity even exists because you’ve never seen it. Just imagine that the way they are acting is so retarded because no one else acts like them. Act like you cannot even see or hear the negativity. Think of Pepé Le Pew. Don’t even see negative feedback. Negativity does not enter into your space. Whoever has the strongest reality wins. Who is changing the way they act to try to get value from the other person and, who is being more themselves? Your job is not to assert your reality onto other people. You are supposed to assert it over yourself. You don’t want to try and suck others into your reality. Have control over your own mind. Be self-possessed. Most people are lacking trust in their faculties. They do not trust themselves so they look to others for guidance. Trust your own judgement. People shelter themselves by interpreting the world through the eyes of others. The girl might throw some test at you about weight, height or hairy back etc just to see how you react. Nothing really matters, just be unreactive. Don’t qualify yourself, don't try to impress, just be your best self, and trust in your own judgement. The girl wants to know how a guy is affected by a shortcoming, not the shortcoming itself. Cycle of congruence tests when you are learning to meet woman: o Start: no congruence tests (girls aren’t mean). o A bit of progress: more congruence tests. o Later on: less and less (because you’re obviously rooted in your reality). When someone reacts too strongly to the criticisms of others, they are giving their power away. Things that might happen to you when someone is in the forefront of your reality and they have a lot of value compared with you: o Putting on a front o Justifying or qualifying yourself o Worrying about other’s opinions of you o Feeling emotional about whether or not they hang out with you This communicates that you don’t value your own faculties highly enough to take your own opinion of yourself over somebody else’s. If girls or other people tease you, it bounces off. Creativity is about trusting your own faculties. Whoever has the most unwavering certainty and the least emotional reaction to different or conflicting views will have the most dominate reality. If you believe that some shortcoming you have (weight, height or complexion) is a big deal, then it is a big deal. If you think it isn’t a big deal, then it isn't. It’s up to you. Don’t make anything an issue. So many people are putting limitations on you already so why would you want to add anything else. You’re a worthwhile guy, happy with your looks, your lifestyle, and have an abundance of women in your life who want to be with you. If you have that, and are nonreactive, you can bring others into your reality. A guy is like an island (his reality); a girl is like an explorer (checking your reality and if you’re fun). A great way to take a girl out is to take her shopping for you for clothes, food or whatever. You invite her into your world and she gets a taste of it. She visits other guy’s realties all the time, and she will stay in the one she gets the best emotions. When you approach a girl, just start talking and invite her into your reality so she can play around. Let her play. The strength of your reality is like a muscle. The stronger it gets then the more influence it will have. The Four Pillars of a Strong Reality: o 1. Who you are – status, sense of identity, sense of entitlement o 2. Your values – tastes, opinions, sense of humour a. Know what you value. b. You do not get mesmerized by superficiality (hot girls). ‘Am I supposed to be mesmerized?!’ When you know what your values are, you do not get mesmerized by superficiality. You know everyone shits, pisses, farts and smells funny. Don't be caught up in the plastic society. When you are a chode, women are goddesses. When you date hot girls, you realize the truth – she has to do a lot of stuff to look good etc and she may even be annoying. Therefore, she is no longer a goddess. Then women can become attractive again, but not from the surface, but from depth. c. Creates a dynamic – screening/impressing. “naturally screening person” – want to make her live up to your standards. o 3. Personal boundaries – When someone steps over them, you don’t allow it that much. This makes her trust you and sparks attraction. Go out one night and mention numerous “boundaries” – “Uncross your arms” “Come over here” “Go over there” “Don’t stand there” “Stop being crazy” – Girls will start laughing uncontrollably. a. Being respectful to you b. Valuing your time “You are the CEO of your life and you hire and fire at your own choosing.” o 4. Expectation of people around you to be fun and value-offering.
2-5
8
Having a strong reality means having a strong set of boundaries. When you establish a personal boundary, people will get that vibe off you. Have a balanced level of tolerance; don’t be too tolerant or too intolerant. You don’t want to get negative and indulge negative people. ‘Misery loves company’. Self boundary: what you will accept from yourself (i.e. don't accept second rate behaviour / negative behaviour from myself). The four pillars. o 1. Identity (who you are) o 2. Your values o 3. Personal boundaries o 4. How you expect people to act If you walk up to a girl and she starts acting obnoxiously: o 1. Imitate it back to her in a funny way o 2. Or, more importantly, you have to know how you expect people to act. ‘Hey, just be cool’. Have standards. Like a muscle, the more your reality gets broken down, the stronger it becomes. The more this happens, the more you come into your power. Live on your edge and lean into your fears. As every year goes by, your reality will get stronger if you are leaning into your fears. Every effect compounds. When you live as a chode, your chodliness increases until you’re an old chode. Guys who are good with women have little places that they love to take woman. If you’re travelling, you’re a guy who can make your home wherever you are. As you age, your reality gets stronger because you go through more bullshit. The experiences that you have help strip back the layers to your core. So, go out. When you go out, if you had a lot of validation from women, you say that you had a ‘good night’. Try not to put judgements on a night. Try the approaches that intimidate you. As you experience more, you will find the lesson in the experience. Whenever something difficult happens to you, ask yourself about the lesson contained in the experience. The more your reality is broken down, the stronger it will get over time. After a while you will stop self-seeking and finding yourself in other people’s reactions to you. Trial by fire – the fire will melt away all the shit to get to a place of integrity inside you which can then grow. ‘Coming into your power as a man’. Learn to laugh at yourself. Let go of trying to control what people think of you. Don’t be inside your head, and sheltering yourself from the world. Be versatile and dynamic, with the ability to melt into any environment. Every day, ask yourself if are you becoming more chode, or more lord. Push yourself nearly every day toward lordliness. Women have very weak realities, but they are much stronger than a typical chode off the street. To chodes, women’s polarity seems very strong. If you have a strong reality, you will draw her in. Masculine polarity is your grounding amidst the emotional chaos. It is the magnet that draws women towards you in the form of your deepest self-esteem. Masculine polarity involves total trust in your faculties and your ability to determine reality. o 1. Acting only through your own intentions. (Do what you want to do, feel rooted in your own power, have an ‘I see-I take’ attitude, a kid who can’t help himself). You are the donut rolling down the street in Ethiopia. o 2. Being uncontrollable and above manipulation o 3. Dictating the reality and energy around you rather than being affected by it o 4. Being in the moment and walking through the world with ease o 5. Having no intimidation of the girl or the world what so ever o 6. Tapping into the energy inside you, and not around you, as the source of your mood o 7. Feeling no spikes or lulls of self-esteem from any girl’s responses to you. You might gain or lose attraction, but this does not affect your sense of who you are. To simplify all this: two words – have fun. That is masculine polarity. Look at the world with a fresh set of eyes. Don’t look at what other people are doing to decide what you’re going to do.
Day Three – Acceleration: Accelerate your masculinity into an unstoppable magnetic force 3-1 Getting Into State
Your mind may try and block you from going into state. How can you shock yourself out of that? You are not your mind. Just take over, and don’t let your mind drag you around. Force the snap into state, just go. Don’t try and think of what to say. Just... “Hey” (blow out) “Oh, hey” (blow out) “Oh, hey” (blow out) “Oh, hey” (...until something snaps). Be obnoxious to your mind – “You’re going to pay for that.” Just keep going. “Give it to me!” Don’t let yourself start feeling bad. Don’t try and tippy-toe or wade into the cold ocean. Just show your mind that you are not screwing around. You’re going to do it anyway: “Give me my state or else I’m going to keep doing it.” Don't get stuck in your head, just go. Force your body and your mind to do something. Don't wait until you have something to say, just go. Be obnoxious to your mind. Don't let yourself get down, and have pity and resistance.
9
Conflicting Realities
Story about three hot LA girls and the heroin addict. Everyone has a sense of reality. Women have a simultaneously strong reality (when a chode is talking to them they know who they are) and weak reality (it can crumble very quickly). If the girl doesn't think she can rely on you and feel at ease, she can’t be herself either. This is why she does congruence tests, to see how you are and how you will react. When she is giving a congruence test, she wants to feel your reality and see that you are capable of asserting yourself as a man. Obvious congruence tests (playfully blow them off): o Prodding you to justify yourself o Saying obnoxious things to make you jealous or insecure (e.g. on a date and she says she has a boyfriend) o Being cranky or throwing tantrums to see if you’ll be dragged into it o Calling you out on your worse features to see if you’re insecure about them o Trying to get you to qualify yourself to her so she can have the selector role o Accusing you of things. (calling you a jerk) Subtle congruence test (not even a test on her part): o Who is controlling the rhythm of the conversation / interaction? When you lead a girl, she will mirror you. She wants to see that you are grounded in your reality. Are you dictating the energy or are you being affected by it? Man = Action. Girl = Reaction. Stay positive, stay upbeat and act through your own intentions. If the girl breaks the rhythm of the conversation and you hold it without realising it, you get attraction. You can open with anything. Be authentic. Be the person you’re meant to be. Chaos vs. Grounding. Be a source of grounding energy.
Conflicting Realities (Female Polarity)
Some subtle female behaviours (how they assert feminine polarity, sometimes unconsciously): o 1. Being totally fulfilled and enraptured by the energy of the environment. E.g. when they are just dancing and having fun, or seeing and greeting an old friend or when a favourite song comes on at the club. It’s like these things are tickling her. o 2. Dressing and walking in a way that gets attention. This can draw your attention and you may wish to be a part of it. Really hot girls seem to walk in a straight line without looking around at everyone while they are walking like a catwalk model. o 3. Enjoying what she is doing and not scanning the room looking for people to meet. Really hot girls seem to walk in a straight line without looking around at everyone while they are walking. This makes you want her even more. o 4. Letting the energy of the environment flow through her and even dancing for hours on end on the same spot and playing mock-bisexual with her friends. If we do something that gives us value we tend to keep doing it like a girl dancing or staying at a cool party. They are in the “warm end of the pool”. If you and your friends are the cool guys and are moving the party, she just wants to stay in the cool party and will come with you. You’re the party. She’s not thinking about what’s happening; she’s just responding to her emotions. Girls dance on the same spot for hours because they know they’re getting the attention (in the warm end of the pool). o 5. Rarely being the one to call, ask out or re-initiate a conversation. Most girls are wired not to re-initiate (because of social conditioning). o 6. Losing interest in sex if she comes out of a happy emotional state. It’s her unconscious mind’s way of putting guys in a situation where they are always trying to put her in a happy state. o 7. Only being moved by a social energy that’s better than the one she’s already experiencing. So you need to add more value to the situation that she has on her own. This is why looks have so little to do with meeting women. o 8. Rewarding good behaviour with little tastes of physical attention. Different girls have these behaviours to different extents. Most have one or two at least. These behaviours get you extremely reactive. A girl with a very strong feminine polarity is showing you that she is totally fine on her own and totally happy without you because the energy of the environment is fulfilling her. Most guys get trapped by this. Classic date: bring her flowers; take her to a good movie; then to a good restaurant to keep her in a good emotional state there. The guy is trying to create polarity themselves.
3-2
Girls don’t want a guy who is affected by feminine polarity. The girls’ game is her trying to get you attracted and to make you try and keep her in a good emotional state. How can I make him respond? That’s what sex is – the girl is trying to turn you on and get you to respond. On one level she wants you to respond and on another level she doesn’t want you to respond too much – that’s her game. “She’ll pull you out of state” “You get your centre back” “She’ll pull you out again” “You get your centre back” For guys, the first thing you can do is "flip the script". E.g. rewarding the girl with little tastes of physical attention then pulling it away. Getting a girl to chase you. You do this by using feminine polarity. The girl may ask you if you’re gay. 10
Conflicting Realities (Masculine Polarity)
Masculine polarity behaviours: o 1. Being at home in the environment. This has so many ramifications. “This is my house and everybody here is my friend”. Guys sometimes achieve this by going to the same venue over and over. o 2. Carrying yourself with total confidence and even a playful cockiness – walk with a swagger. o 3. Being the source of grounding energy and asserting that what you have to say is funny, interesting and worth being heard. Even though what an attractive guy has to say isn’t objectively funny, it’s subjectively funny, and people will tend to laugh at it. He’s self-amusing. o 4. Leading the conversation in the ‘fun’ or ‘whatever’ direction you want to go. “What are you talking about that for? This is a club.” Talk about something you’re interested in. She may then start to talk about something you are interested in. She is speaking for your approval and your enjoyment, so let her. Don’t justify yourself, take orders or respond to nonsense. o 5. Positioning yourself as already chosen by every girl in the environment, and you are choosing the girl you like. When you say “Hey, who are you?” you’re pulling her in and saying ‘Now is your chance’. You’re saying that you are a man who sees what he wants and takes it (this makes it so she can trust you). You’re being the selector. These behaviours make a girl feel like she’s in a warm blanket when she’s around you. She feels protected and is having fun while in your presence, but also challenged by the fact that you’re so indifferent to social constraints that if she doesn’t hold your attention you might stray. Women like to experience a full range of emotions. Men like being happy, being chilled, adrenaline and orgasm. Men have resistance and are limited when they go outside this emotional range. Women are not confined. Men see woman as crazy. Women see men as confined and rigid.
Getting Into State
Why do men have to draw state from within themselves while women draw state from their environment? The environment is always changing or fluctuating. She can draw state from the environment because she wants to experience a full range of emotions. If a man draws his state from the environment, he can change. He can get angry, annoyed or upset. He must draw state from within himself. How do you draw state from within yourself? Put your awareness on your breath. Feel your breath and slow it down. A night club is designed to suck you in (music and lights). You can try putting earplugs in your ears and imagining the night club lit with florescent lights. The stimulation can get you focussing on ‘the little me’, how you fit in and what your role is. When you slow down your breathing, your perception dilates, you gain a greater awareness, you can see more depth and the world has more texture. When you’re in the moment like this, you can pull other people into it. You can feel good independently. You don’t need to keep looking to your environment to give you instant gratification and never ending stimulation in order to feel good. The centeredness comes from inside yourself and you’re connected to your masculine power. You’ll naturally be along the rhythm and in the moment. Be conscious not self-conscious (focussing on the petty little me). Women can feel this energy and will not know why they are attracted. This is masculine polarity. You can still be loud and full of energy. You can pump your own state at will. Jump up and down (a power jump). You can choose to feel good when you want to. Just yell, scream, move and jump. “Woooo!” “Yee-haa!” “Aaaaay!” (Like a wolf’s howl, a lion’s roar or a male bird’s song). You can’t find the energy to get in state by feeding off other peoples’ reactions. It comes from within yourself. Feel good! Be happy!
Sex
In a long-term relationship, sex cannot be about drawing state (the emotions you’re looking for) from the environment. Sex is an outpouring of energy, not neediness. Sex is like screaming or yelling. It’s a way to go-nuts and cut-loose. Menial tasks can be enjoyable. Woman draw state from their environment – they are the receiving one. For women, sex is a massive outpouring of emotion; a hugely expressive thing. Masculine polarity and the idea of giving, in many ways has parallels to sex and sexual organs.
Meeting Women
At some point in an interaction the girl will fully withdraw indicators of interest so if you’re drawing state from your environment (her), then you can’t hold state and the internal dialogue will come back. Pushing buttons: o Entertainment: talking about things she likes will draw her towards you. o Pushing away (playing hard to get): Disrupting a girl’s reality so she wants to re-assert her reality by getting you to respond the way she wants. Not giving them what they expect. E.g. 30 second make-out: be high energy and funny, then push her away with what you’re saying or even physically, then draw her back in and kiss her to resolve it. Pitfall of pushing buttons: When you rely on button pushing, if you make one little mistake, the girl might leave. It doesn’t last. It’s like walking a tightrope.
3-3 11
Reactive Social Strategy: A short-sighted emotional response to a larger problem. Changing who you are to accommodate other people. Modifying and adapting yourself for every type of situation. You can get performance-anxiety from this. Proactive Social Strategy: When you’re talking to someone and don’t give a fuck what others think about you. Most people actually appreciate this. Living up to your own standards in an interaction which should include consideration for other people. When you’re in the moment, a lot of calibration happens naturally. When you act through your own intentions, you will feel her being drawn in. When you have masculine polarity, most people think what you say has to be awesome, and highly over-estimate it. If you have no masculine polarity and you’re just entertaining, it will run out and it will be over. Don't be the ‘entertainer man’, but feel free to entertain yourself when you walk up to a woman to talk to her. It’s not good to have a good idea about what you’re going to say when you approach a girl. Have nothing in your mind; just feel good. There is no need for preparation. An attractive guy is an attractive guy. Lower your own standards about what’s coming out of your mouth. 2 core principles / beliefs: o 1. What you have to say is valuable purely because it comes from you. o 2. What you have to say is interesting, not because of the content, but because she is interested in what you find interesting. It doesn't need to be the perfect thing to say. You need to turn off all that noise that is blocking you. You run out of things to say when you want something. It comes down to trust in yourself. Think: ‘Oh, let’s see if she’s cool’, ‘Let’s expand out the party’ or ‘Let’s ask this question’. Don’t be a step ahead of yourself. Let it flow and just be natural. Thinking is usually your greatest asset, but when you’re meeting women, thinking is your biggest weakness. When you’re not thinking a step ahead, often the girl will start giggling uncontrollably. It puts so much social pressure on her and gives her so much attraction that she will just start saying, ‘What? (laughs) what?’ Don't try and diffuse tension, just stay with it. Don’t resist the tension. Just be conscious. Have a child-like ‘I-see-I-take’ attitude. Be the big happy baby. No woman can be angry at a guy who has a pure self-esteem and just likes her. Neediness and taking value is so unattractive. Focus on her and not on her responses. Let her find out how she can hold your attention and where your personal boundaries are, like a girl playing with her dad. While she is talking to you, don’t be thinking of what to say next. This doesn’t create attraction. Just listen to her. Don’t think of it as doing, but as being, just being together. Don’t judge, interpret, compare or label what she is saying; you’re not in a business meeting. Listen to the sounds and resonance in her voice. Enjoy her core femininity. See the depth in her as a woman. Stop trying to give your perspective on things, agree with things, or try to fill up silences. When she finishes talking and you’re feeling good, have a ‘hmmm...’ pondering look. You’re staying with the tension and not resisting the tension or the awkwardness. While she is waiting, anticipation is building, thus creating sexual tension. Don’t flinch or retreat into your mind to your little bullshit shelter of judgements, interpretations, comparisons and labels. Experience reality head on. Stay with the tension and enjoy it, like Borat. Borat can create total chaos and stay with it. Humour is like this. Being able to handle the tension is about trusting yourself. You are responsible for yourself. That’s why having your own fresh set of eyes is so important. Your main responsibility is to hold your awareness where it counts. Stop thinking of mental movies about your past or future. Stop future projecting, and letting your awareness go where it is not needed. Stop obsessing about the future because you are displeased with the present moment. Future projections are what creates anxiety. One infant boyish behaviour is that if you blame or get upset about things then that will fix the problem because of intervention from carers. As an adult, that will not fix anything. Don’t have low tolerance to resistance, which is someone who can’t handle what he doesn’t like having in front of him. Imagine you are an aeroplane with an autopilot system that can land the plane just fine. Just allow yourself to land. Don’t try to control. Stop getting in your own way. Being fully present means: o 1. Your focus is on the moment that is unfolding. o 2. Your faculties are not being spread too thin by focussing on past or future events. o 3. You melt into the moment rather than struggling against it. o 4. You have full trust in your faculties to carry you forward as issues arise.
Inner Game
There are always forces in the world that are tugging at your awareness and peace. Think of your presence, or the strength of your reality, as a muscle that can be strengthened. External forces, like frustration and fear, are essentially diseases that creep into you, take over, and loop your mind endlessly around thoughts that are useless, repetitive and draining. You can act through your own intentions and have periods of thinking and reflection, but you shouldn’t be compulsively pulled around because you can’t hold your attention where it counts. Have periods of reflection and periods of being in the moment.
Your faculties (or universal intelligence) can only give you the actions you need for where your awareness is focussed. Keep your awareness in the present moment and not on the images in your mind of the past and future. There is no longer a need to reference your sense of self based on past events. Trust in your faculties to carry you forward as the moment unfolds. You’ll experience life more vividly because you’re free of all the distracting and useless noise whose only purpose is to bog you down. Have a take-it-as-it-comes attitude that flows from a total trust in your faculties. You’ve come into equilibrium with the world and no matter what happens, you know your mind will be presented with the right course of action not before, not after, but exactly when you need it. Trust in yourself (your autopilot). You can feel good because you
3-4
12
have an underlying trust in yourself. Don’t try and think of words to say; allow them to rise and flow out of you. When you’re nervous, just think of one word: ‘trust’. “When I’m in the moment, my faculties will take care of it for me.” Walk through the world with ease. Move with the current of the world and not against it. You don’t have to be above or below the world; you don’t have to be better or worse; but just move through the world knowing that you’re a very necessary and inextricable part of the greater whole. You can navigate the complexities of the world with the same certainty as you would have with the most basic things. You just melt into it. When a girl is with a guy who walks through the world with ease, she feels completely secure to be her most feminine self and just enjoy the moment. This whole foundation allows you to: o Be self-forgetting (conscious not self-conscious) o Be spontaneous o Think of what to say without straining o Make people look to you as a source of grounding energy Don’t use inner game as an excuse not to approach girls, use it to move towards a better way of being. One day you’ll hit a point where you look back and you can’t believe that you ever thought this stuff was hard. Your reality is the bearing that makes your world make sense. Everyone has a fear of their own success or greatness. A success barrier is when you think you want success, but mind blocks are put up to stop you from achieving it. When your view of reality is being tampered with, you get a weird anxious feeling where you mind keeps replaying events. You have to be willing to push through that. As far as your mind is concerned, if your view of reality has kept you alive for this long, it’s easier to bury yourself deeper into an existing reality than to deal with the headaches of thinking through a potentially harder to understand and more complex view of reality. Ramifications of a new reality: o 1. Doubt that you have the mental energy to learn all the new ins and outs o 2. The nauseous feeling that you’re going backward in your understanding of the world o 3. An instinct that people might not accept the new you. We have a mechanism which makes us instinctively grip on to our reality so we can appear to be sure of ourselves and certain.
3-5
One way that people have a strong reality is to link beliefs together into a ‘web’. These people have trouble changing their reality because if one belief falls then everything crumbles, and they won’t let this happen. Be like water. Have an adaptable and flexible believe system, not rigid. One of the biggest tricks your mind plays on you is re-ordering perception to preserve your map of reality. The ability to quickly sift through ideas and accept or reject them is a great skill. The more adaptable you are to allow conflicting or paradoxical realities to exist in your mind without being shut down by them, then the more readily you can jump between maps and where other people fall flat on their face, you stand. Because the map is not the territory, don’t have the need to resolve ideas in your mind and make them make sense. Your ideas about the world are not the world itself; they are just a map. Your mind is inherently lazy if you haven’t developed it. You’re already living in a reality where you’re getting by so your mind says that you’re fine. Getting to where you want to be with woman involves a large expenditure or energy. There are possibly two types of guys that constantly get girls: Leaders of men with a harem and wandering nomads with alpha-male characteristics (that bring new genes into populations). What you think of other people is a reflection of yourself. If you have a concept of yourself as being a chode (success barrier), you will focus on that and not on the good things. Only focus on the positive; your mind does not process negative things. People remember approaches that agree with their map of reality. When you focus on the positive and not the negative nonsense, you get the skills you want. Message for Day Three: See the best in yourself and other people.
Day Four – Ascension: Imbue your being with mindwarping sexual presence 4-1
Internalisation means that you have something on a level that you never need to think about it ever again – ‘deep identitylevel change’. We all have a fear of success – success barriers. If you had complete success with women, would you be able to handle it? Success barriers in your mind protect you from the unknown. There’s so much pressure on you when you’re highprofile (politicians, celebrities). If your unconscious mind understands that you’d be devastated being broken up with, then your mind might give you success barriers and put you in a situation where you may not even get the relationship in the first place in order to protect you. When you have success with women, you have a lot of other guys who are going for your girls as well. When you’re in a position of high status, your world is going to go into disarray. ‘Blueprint decoded’ is about you being in that position with ease. Being in high status is as easy, if not easier than being in low status. Put yourself in situations where there is the possibility of making mistakes. Enjoy the journey towards authenticity. Anticipated responses (assumptions) are your map of how you expect the world to respond to you. 13
o 1. Whether a person of your status can expect to be treated badly or well o 2. Whether people are generally trustworthy or manipulative (friendly or mean) o 3. Whether there is an abundance or scarcity of people in the world who could like you Do you like yourself? Would you hang out with someone like yourself? If you saw a guy that looked like you with a hot girl, would you think ‘what's that all about?’ or ‘of course’. There’s a difference between someone who anticipates that people will love them for them and someone who doesn’t. People are always doing things in order to make their anticipated responses come true. People who are insecure are always trying to show that they know what the deal is (unattractive girls blowing guys off). All this comes down to maintaining your reality and making your world make sense. Most people are not willing to shake up their reality so they prefer to bury themselves in an existing reality. A self-fulfilling prophecy is when, by the strength of your beliefs, the reality stored up in your mind becomes the reality of your actual life. This happens because your mind is always seeking out evidence to reinforce your existing beliefs, even if it is obscure evidence. Because of the confidence you have in these beliefs, you draw people into your reality and inadvertently get them to act in ways you don’t expect or don’t want. Assume the best in people. You can reinforce the good qualities in people.
4-2
A lot of sub-communication is pretty obvious. Micro-behaviours are even more subtle. E.g. Dilation of your pupils. When you can look a girl right in the eyes and your eyes hold steady, it shows that you’re not running through images in your mind. You can never consciously understand all micro-behaviours; there’s no use anyway. When you’re really in state, all micro-behaviours are taken care of. It’s all about anticipating responses and having a belief in yourself. You can speak to a girl on a dance floor as if it’s not a dance floor. If you speak to a girl on a dance floor as if they can hear you and have that belief in yourself, then she will want to find out what you’re saying. When you’re really ‘on’ and a girl is surrounded by guys, you can just walk straight up to the girl looking at her and the guys will disperse. This is all comes from the anticipated response you have. If you flinch or retreat into your mind, then anticipated responses don’t work. Disconnect yourself from the knowledge of ‘Blueprint Decoded’ when you go out. When you’re calling a girl over, there are little unconscious mechanisms in your mind that are saying “I don’t have integrity and I’m trying to pull something off”. Men and woman have equal value. The closer you get to your integrity, the bigger the payoff. When you’re in a position where you’re offering value and sex is as valuable to a woman as it is to you, then you’ll be stronger with women. When you say something that is moving you away from who you really feel you are and moving you away from your integrity, that’s what’s going to be pulling you into your head. Trust in a foreign set of bearings. When we learn new bearings, we have not yet developed the reference experiences to be able to trust the new bearings. When you’re young, you persevere with things (E.g. learning to walk). Now you’re smart and you’re not only conscious but self-conscious. You’ve got a self-image to protect. When you’re learning a new behaviour: o 1. You’re learning the ins and outs of how the new behaviour works o 2. You’re gathering evidence. You’re looking at what other people are doing and you’re experimenting. Internalisation is the process of trial and error that you have to go through to create an assumption that you never have to think about ever again. For something to be internalised it means: o 1. You do it naturally o 2. You’re in the moment because it doesn’t require any thought o 3. You never have to think about it ever again In order to get that unwavering belief in yourself, you need to get the reference experiences that back it up. However, you generally can’t get good reference experiences without the unwavering belief. It can be hard to break out of this paradox. To have unwavering belief you have to get to a point where: o 1. You fully assume that what you’re doing is going to work o 2. You’re totally indifferent when it doesn’t work The halfway point between fear and total belief is indifference. When you’re starting out, you can’t gather evidence or reference experiences that you’re great with women, but you can gather reference experiences about how it doesn’t matter what people think of you. Pummel your brain with so many reference experiences so that you’re brain realizes that it doesn’t matter what people think of you and finally you cross the indifference threshold. You go from being stifled to being unstifled. The indifference threshold can be crossed extremely quickly. Stifling happened because when you change environments, you’re not totally certain of that new environment, so your unconscious mind stifles you. Don’t try to be confident; be indifferent and confidence will flow from that. Once your mind has the click that it’s better to be a high value guy than it is to try and avoid attention and not infringe on anybody, the micro-behaviours start to come in and your mind will automatically start to see (RAS) the micro-behaviours of really cool guys.
4-3
To cross the indifference threshold quickly and get unstifled you should do something that is out of character and "isn't really you". Expand out the energy and space you’re taking up. To do this, you can do the imitation game which involves imitating an animal, object or thing. E.g. lion, crocodile, toaster, rooster, rhino, T-Rex, tornado, whale, cow, pig, hippo, 14
elephant. Infringe on other people’s airspace by being loud and by taking up space. When you’re stifled you’re confined by your ego. When you’re unstifled you can lead a crowd into being unstifled. The club can get on top of you, or you can get on top of the club. You can quickly unstifle yourself to the point where you have so much indifference that you can do anything when you’re meeting women and this lets you get reference experiences. The more reference experiences you get, the more you realize in your unconscious mind, the great new person you want to be. The more evidence you get and the more you understand the subtle new micro-behaviours, the better you become. Vibing is when people have a conversation and don’t have an end-goal or purpose in mind. Logic is the opposite of emotion (vibing). Logic kills the vibe. When you’re vibing and you feel like you have to prove yourself, that’s not really vibing. A logical conversation is linear. In an emotional conversation (vibing), ideas float around and associations happen. Two most important bearings that you have to trust are: o 1. Girls can like you just for you. Walk up to a girl when you’re in the moment and not thinking ahead, and just allow the interaction go in whatever direction it’s going to go without striving for an outcome. o 2. Sex between a man and a woman is a natural consequence of chemistry and is inevitable. Change your beliefs about sex from being a big deal to just being a way to cement a moment or a way to blow off steam. Most guys can’t have anticipated responses. This makes you have to rationalise why you can do it. Then you become addicted to getting the reference experiences to show what you can do. Your mind is craving evidence to back up your new reality. Gradually you unhitch from your old identity and the easiness of social conditioning, but there is a certain anxiousness about you because you’re not entirely sure where you stand and you want more reference experiences. Finally, you need to try and find a centeredness within yourself where you know who you are. When you develop a pick-up persona you feel like you have to be doing something. You feel the need to show other people your new gregarious self. You’re not acting through your own intentions because you feel like you need to show people something.
4-4
Confidence and feeling good about yourself is your default state. Self-esteem: o You’re born with it o It’s indescribable (like the word: ‘mojo’ or ‘soul’) o It’s self-sustaining Ego: o Rational construct that we come up with as a substitute for self-esteem when self-esteem gets injured at a young age. o You could say that the ego is more real than self-esteem because you can rationalise it. o Your ego tries to give you reasons to support who you are o When you’re full of self-esteem, the ego can creep back in when you start to think about how other people are stuck in their ego and how good you are. Happiness is your default state. When you’re a child you have strong self-esteem. Then you get wounded from mistrust from people and from social conditioning. You feel disconnected so you come up with logical reasons why you can feel good and confident. With these logical reasons come judgements, interpretations, comparisons and labels. Self-esteem is based around common humanity and the ego is based around separation and differences. Structure of the ego: o Logical evidence o People’s opinions o Rationalisations o Comparisons The ego tries to shelter us from the unknown. We don’t know who we are so the ego tries to find context. The ego looks for people to compare yourself too and wants to kick the next man down so you can be better. This produces separation and not togetherness. Real self-esteem is sustainable. The ego can never be sustainable because you constantly need evidence to support it. But to get good with women you need to eliminate neediness. The now is all there ever is. No matter where you are, you can feel good. This is your self-esteem – the ability to generate state from within. The result is anti-climactic. The result can never be as good as the process. When you’re just trying to offer value, that is an attractant; when you’re trying to take value, that is a repellent. Because we have a socially-constructed reality, when you’re being authentic, people learn from it. When you approach, just amuse yourself. She is interested in knowing what you find interesting. The more personal the wound, the more universal it is. We all have had brutal failures or humiliations and we think only we have. That creates our identity. You can’t make a problem when everyone else has one and everyone else has your wounds. You have to accept your wounds. Accept both your good and your bad. Everyone is born happy. Look within yourself to get back to your child-like self. When you speak to a girl, see the self coming through. Your flaws in the presence of self-esteem are endearing quirks. The things that you think are bad about yourself are only bad if you’re disconnected from your self-esteem. See yourself in other people. 15
