Beloved Benefactor by Yvonne Whittal

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BELOVED BENEFACTOR Yvonne Whittal











































Although she had never met him, Toni felt through his letters that she knew the unknown benefactor who had been so kind and generous to her ever since she was a ten-year-old orphan, and she relied on him heavily. So it was a sad blow when he wrote to say he thought it best that their correspondence should come to an end. It was fortunate that at just this' time Toni should have met Tarquin Radloff, a man she knew she could love and who could perhaps take the place of her benefactor. But Tarquin persisted in treating her as a child and keeping himself at a distance. Could Toni put up with this situation for long?











































CHAPTER ONE

ANTOINETTE SCHAFER stared thoughtfully at the bulky envelope in her hand on which she had written no name, or address, and, as usual, her curiosity knew no bounds as to the identity of this man whom she knew so well by correspondence, yet not by sight. Her friend and room-mate, Fay Thompson, put paid to her thoughts when she stumbled into the room, laden with parcels and books which she dumped unceremoniously on to her bed. Sighing with relief, she turned towards Toni, and her green eyes sparkled with mischief as she glanced at the sealed envelope which Toni tapped agitatedly against her knee. 'If I didn't believe, as you do, that your unknown benefactor was stooped with age, and an excellent candidate for arthritis, then I'd swear you were having a postal affair with him.' Toni's warm, golden-brown eyes laughed up at Fay. 'I enjoy writing to him. He's kind and generous, as well as terribly understanding, and he's always given me excellent advice in the past, for which I'm tremendously grateful.' 'Have you relinquished the desire to know his identity, and why he should be helping you in this way?' Toni shrugged eloquently. 'Not entirely, but he obviously has his reasons for supporting me financially and wanting to remain anonymous. Ross says I can repay the compliment by respecting his wishes, and that's what I aim to do.'











































Ross and Dulcie for foster-parents, and two more charming people I have yet to meet..Then there's this unknown benefactor of yours who appears to lavish money on you, and he can thank his lucky stars that you're such an unassuming person, or he might have found himself saddled with a little money- grabber who was a perfect little snob. If I'd been in your position, I think I would have become the most horrible creature.' 'Fay, you're a dear friend,' Toni laughed off her embarrassment as she grabbed her clothes and a sponge bag, 'but if I don't make a dash for the bathroom, I might find myself at the end of a long queue, and then I shall miss my train to Pretoria.' Some minutes later, as Toni allowed herself the brief luxury of soaking in the hot bath, she thought of the past ten years, and the almost fairy-tale existence she had led since that dreadful day when a car accident had robbed her of both her parents. With no immediate family willing, or able, to take her into their home, she was placed in the care of an orphanage, where the food was nourishing but dreadful, and the sombre green walls had given her the shivers. After a month of acute unhappiness in those cheerless surroundings, she was called to the matron's office one dreary afternoon early in December when the long summer holiday loomed ahead like a nightmare. And it was there, in the austere atmosphere of the matron's office with its filing cabinets and photographs of committees past and present, that Toni met Ross Evans for the first time. Tall, authoritative, and greying, swiftly he seated himself on the straight-backed wooden chair, and drew Toni to his side. He











































None of this had made any sense to Toni as a ten- year-old, but, with her meagre belongings packed in one small suitcase, she was whisked through the rain to a waiting car, and her time in the orphanage seemed no more than a bad dream which she had luckily escaped from. Ross and Dulcie Evans, with no children of their own, took Toni into their exquisite home in Waterkloof on the outskirts of Pretoria. She was eventually sent to the most expensive boarding school, but her holidays were spent with Ross and Dulcie. Their home became her own, and their love and kindness soon kindled a warm response in Toni which, even now, made her think of them with deep affection and gratitude. It was at the age of fourteen that she became curious for the first time about her unknown benefactor, and the reasons for his generosity. Ross, an influential lawyer, had parried her queries for some time before he finally admitted that it was a man who, for personal reasons, wished .to remain anonymous. He could not reveal the reason for her benefactor's generosity, but, at Toni's insistence, he had eventually arranged that she could correspond with this man, and that he would personally act as go-between. That was how the unusual correspondence had begun between Toni and her benefactor. Now, almost six years later, they still wrote to each other, and Toni derived such pleasure from his letters that she was quite frequently distraught with concern when his replies were delayed for some reason. He had become her anchor, her knowledgeable adviser, and someone she could confide in without the fear of being considered childish. He knew her hopes and desires, and understood the loneliness that often overwhelmed her













































Toni was drying herself vigorously and humming softly to herself when there was a sharp knock on the bathroom door. 'Toni, you have a visitor waiting for you downstairs,' Fay called through the door. 'Who is it?' 'I've never seen the man before, but he seems impatient, so hurry up, will you?' Frowning slightly, Toni pulled on a clean pair of beige slacks and a cherry-coloured top before she slid her feet into low-heeled sandals, and gathered up the rest of her belongings. 'He didn't give his name, perhaps?' she questioned Fay as she reached their bedroom and hastily applied her make-up. 'No,' Fay shook her head thoughtfully. 'He merely asked if Miss Antoinette Schafer was in, and could he speak to you, please.' Toni brushed her honey-gold hair until it fell in short, soft waves about her face. 'I wonder who it could be, and what he wants?' Fay shrugged, falling back against her pillow as she smiled lazily. 'Why don't you hurry down and find out?'











































'Yes.' His dark brown hair was evenly flecked with grey, she noticed as she approached him warily. 'I'm sorry to have kept you waiting.' 'I'm Tarquin Radloff,' he smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he held out his hand, and her own was engulfed in a warm clasp. 'You have perhaps heard Ross and Dulcie mention my name?' 'Oh, yes, often,' she recalled suddenly, her glance anxious. 'There isn't anything the matter with them, is there, Mr Radloff?' 'No, you can relax on that score,' he smiled again, displaying strong white teeth against the tan of his rugged features. 'I'm driving out to Pretoria to see Ross, so he suggested that I give you a lift to save you the uncomfortable train journey.' 'It was kind of Ross to think of me, and of you to agree. I do so hate these train journeys.' She hesitated briefly, aware that he was observing her rather closely. 'When did you want to leave?' 'At once, if you're ready.' She thought of her suitcase which was packed, except for a few lastminute things, and smiled. 'Would you give me five minutes to get my things together?' 'Certainly, if I shan't be committing an offence by smoking here?' he











































'His name is Tarquin Radloff. He's a friend of Ross and Dulcie's, and he's giving me a lift to Pretoria,' Toni replied hurriedly as she packed the remainder of her belongings and closed the lid of the suitcase. 'Lucky you!' 'Why lucky me?' 'He's awfully good-looking, in a distinguished sort of way,' Fay remarked with a hint of amusement. 'Didn't you notice?' 'Yes, I did, as a matter of fact,' Toni replied as she threw her jacket over her arm. 'He has a nice smile.' Fay's expression sobered. 'Are you sure he is who he says he is, and that he isn't planning to abduct you, or something equally nasty?' Toni's eyes widened with dismay. 'Really, Fay! What reason would he have for doing something like that?' 'You're very trusting, you know, and you do have a wealthy benefactor who's concerned about your welfare.' 'Don't be silly!'











































'But he doesn't look like the kind of person who could do something dreadful.' 'People like that seldom look the part,' Fay said knowingly. 'Oh, heavens!' Toni exclaimed anxiously as she sank down on to the foot of her bed and faced her friend. 'What am I going to do?' 'Ask him to identify himself in some way. He should be carrying his identity documents with him anyway.' 'And what do you suppose he'll think of me?' Toni asked in a shocked voice. 'He'll think you're a careful and sensible young woman.' 'I hope so,' Toni replied with a worried frown. 'I would hate to offend him.' Taking Fay's advice, she went downstairs and, placing her suitcase on the floor beside her, she ventured no further than just inside the doorway of the lounge. 'Mr Radloff ...' She hesitated, biting her lip nervously as he rose to his feet and pocketed his pipe. 'Forgive me for asking this, but ... do you have any identification papers on you?'











































'Yes, thank you,' she said jerkily, wishing at that moment that the floor would open up beneath her. 'I'm sorry.' 'Don't apologise,' he remarked with a certain abruptness as he pocketed the book. 'It pays to be cautious at times.' 'It was just that Fay thought I ought to make sure of your identity before I accepted your offer of a lift.' 'Fay?' 'Fay Thompson,' she explained, her colour subsiding gradually. 'She's the girl you spoke to earlier.' 'Oh, yes.' His brow cleared. 'She's a special friend of yours, I gather?' 'We were at boarding school together, and now we've almost completed our second year at the college. She's been a wonderful friend to me.' He nodded briefly and picked up her suitcase. 'Shall we go?' Toni followed him silently through the large hallway, and out on to the wide stoep overlooking the spacious grounds where the late afternoon sun cast tall shadows across the lawn. Some of the girls













































'Well, not all at once, I suppose,' she acknowledged. 'Jobs like that aren't so easy to find these days, but we hope to work our way up to such a position one day.' 'When do you do your finals, Antoinette?' 'Next month,' she smiled at him. 'And my friends call me Toni: No on? calls me Antoinette except.. 'Except?' he prompted, glancing at her swiftly. 'My benefactor.' She turned slightly in her seat, her glance taking in the broad forehead, the straight, high-bridged nose, and the square chin. The mouth was firm, she noticed, except for the slightly sensuous lower lip. 'I suppose Ross has told you about him?' Tarquin hesitated briefly. 'Yes, he has, I think.' 'It's strange, really, that someone such as he should have taken an interest in me,' she said as they turned on to the Ml and headed











































'We write to each other, and, although he never mentions being lonely, I occasionally get that impression. I wish sometimes that he would allow me to telephone him,' she added thoughtfully. 'The telephone is not the best instrument for communication, Toni. You often end up with nothing at all to say, and too embarrassed to say the things that are of real importance. It's usually easier to write about your problems, and to get matters into perspective by putting it down on paper.' Toni's expression was grave as she turned towards her companion. 'You're right, of course, Mr Radloff. My benefactor would have said the same, and he always gives me such good advice.' He glanced at her briefly, and she glimpsed a hint of amusement in the depths of his eyes. 'Please call me Tarquin.' 'Thank you, I would like to,' she returned with a smile and a look of wonder in her eyes. 'You know, Tarquin, I don't know why I'm talking to you like this. I hardly know you, and yet...'











































'Who was the first?' 'Fay,' she replied, quite relaxed now in his company. 'She said my benefactor could thank his lucky stars that I was so unassuming, or he might have found that he had a money-grabber on his hands who was a perfect snob.' Tarquin laughed for the first time, and it was a deep, throaty sound that was infectious. 'There are people who consider wealth a very important factor in their lives.' Toni wrinkled her nose with distaste. 'Well, I don't, and I feel terribly guilty about accepting so much from someone who really has no obligation to me at all.' Tarquin appeared shocked at that. 'Why should you feel guilty about it?' 'I don't know. Perhaps it's because, when Ross first hauled me out of that terrible orphanage, I was too young to understand what was











































change. I think I heard Ross mention once that you're managing director to one of the large engineering firms. Am I correct?' 'Yes, that's right.' 'Is it your own business?' 'It is now.' 'Are you married?' 'No, I'm a bachelor by choice.' 'Anyone special?' she asked, stealing a mischievous glance in his direction. 'No.', 'Oh, come now, Tarquin,' she laughed merrily. 'Be a little more forthcoming.'











































'I hope so too, Tarquin,' she sighed, finding pleasure in the thought. 'Why have we never met before?' 'You were away at boarding school most of the time, remember?' 'But I've been living in Johannesburg almost two years now. Why didn't you ever drop in and introduce yourself before?' They were approaching Pretoria swiftly as he said: 'If I'd known that you were such a charming young lady, then I wouldn't have hesitated to make your acquaintance sooner.' 'You do say the nicest things, Tarquin,' she laughed softly. 'Thank you.' 'How old are you, Toni?' he asked after a brief silence. 'I was twenty last month—why?' 'You must have plenty of boy-friends.'













































Toni allowed her glance to dwell on the broad shoulders and the strong hands resting on the steering wheel. 'You must do more than that, because you have the appearance of someone who is extremely fit.' 'I go for a regular work-out in the gym, but, other than that, nothing more strenuous than relaxing beside the river-bank with a fishingrod in my hands.' His expression was somehow mocking. 'Anything else?' Slightly taken aback, she asked: 'Has my prying offended you?' 'Not in the least,' he replied candidly.













































arms with a display of affection that was so characteristic of her spontaneous, warm-hearted nature. Their suitcases were taken up to their rooms, and Ross opened a bottle of wine before dinner, a habit he had continued from the days of his youth which had been spent in the wine-producing valleys of the Cape. They had changed very little, Toni thought as she observed her foster-parents during dinner with a warmth in her golden-brown eyes that was clearly visible to their guest. .The ten years had whitened Ross's hair to a silvery sheen, but hardly a wrinkle had been added to his features, while Dulcie had acquired merely a smattering of grey in her chestnut-coloured hair. Other than these noticeable changes, they appeared the same to Toni as the day she had walked into their home for the first time, a: bewildered,













































no longer require the assistance of your benefactor. His job will be done, in fact.' 'I have thought about it, Ross, and that's what I wanted to discuss with you.' She bit her lip and allowed her glance to dwell for a moment on the law books in the shelves behind him before she met his steady gaze. 'Just how far did his generosity go?' A familiar little smile plucked at Ross's lips. 'What you really want to know is, were we paid to provide a home for you until you'd completed your education, and will we be throwing you out the minute you find yourself a job.' 'Something like that,' Toni admitted, colouring slightly slightl y as she waited













































'Oh, no,' she replied with honesty as she settled herself once more on the edge of the desk. 'I found him such an easy person to talk to that I enjoyed the trip immensely.' 'Tarquin is a solid, dependable chap,' Ross said, lighting a cigarette and blowing the smoke towards the ceiling. 'To his friends he might appear an amiable sort of fellow, but to his enemies he can be quite ruthless. It was his father who first kindled my interest in law.' 'I didn't know that,' she remarked with genuine interest. 'Was Tarquin's father a lawyer?' 'Yes, and a very good one too.'













































Ross did not detain her, and she made her way out on to the terrace. The flickering lights of the Jacaranda City did not interest her on this occasion as she pressed her forehead against the cool pillar and closed her stinging eyelids. She was seldom depressed, but her discussion with Ross had left her with the curious sensation that she was heading for a deep gorge which was filled with an emptiness that did not bear contemplation.















































CHAPTER TWO

'HAS something upset you, Toni?' a deep pleasant voice asked, and she turned, leaning back against the pillar when she discovered Tarquin standing directly in front of her. 'No—yes, but I can't burden you with my problems.' 'If we're going to be friends, then that's exactly what friends are for,'















































to marry, and men are selfish creatures , at heart. Divided loyalties could create jealousy, and corresponding with a man who ceased being your benefactor once you were able to provide for yourself would create jealousy and eventual misery in a marriage which could have been happy.' 'But if I explained that he was more a friend than -' 'It's time you grew up, my dear child. You can't continue indefinitely















































She sat and watched him in silence for some minutes, marvelling at how relaxed he appeared with his pipe clenched between his teeth. There was an air of calm confidence about him that instilled a measure of calmness within her as well while she mulled over the advice he had given her. He was right, of course; so very right. Once she was self-supporting she would have to break away from her benefactor, who was really nothing more than a firm handwriting on snowy white paper, and turn instead to flesh and blood people who















































knew instinctively that she would find compensation in the solid dependability of this tall man beside her, whose perceptive understanding was quite remarkable for someone she had only just met. Much to Toni's surprise, Tarquin decided to remain till the Sunday afternoon in order to drive her back to Johannesburg. They had discussed such a varied number of subjects during that week-end that she had almost forgotten his invitation to the Beethoven















































'He's also old enough to be your father.' 'He's only thirty-eight,' Toni protested p rotested agitatedly. 'Exactly.' Toni regarded her friend in silence for a moment, and the obvious look of disapproval on her face came almost as a shock to Toni. 'You're being unkind, Fay.'

















































There was an awkward little silence before she heard Fay say resignedly: 'All right, I accept the fact that you're being a little cautious, Toni. You've never bothered much with boy-friends, not as

















































There was a sudden hush in the audience and Toni glanced swiftly towards the stage in time to see the conductor stepping on to the rostrum. He acknowledged the burst of applause with a brief bow

















































'I gather that Gary and Jeff are your boy-friends?' 'Well, not exactly,' she laughed, avoiding the mockery of his grey

















































'Has Gary been your only escort during this year?' Tarquin picked up their conversation where they had left off.

















































'Yes ... once,' he nodded abruptly. 'What happened?'









































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































'A little,' she laughed, regaining her confidence as she took her sketchbook and pencil from her bag, and shifted her position slightly to rest her back against the bumper of the car. 'Smoke your pipe, Tarquin, you're longing to anyway.' 'Do I look as though I'm craving for tobacco?' he asked with dry humour. 'No, but it helps you to relax, and you look as though you could do with a few hours of peace and quiet.' His glance registered surprise ... and something else which was indefinable. 'Perceptive little devil, aren't you?' 'Sometimes,' she admitted with a hint of mischief curving her mouth softly and adding a sparkle to her eyes. She sat there for a time sketching the mountains and the river, but there was something in Tarquin's relaxed and thoughtful attitude that captured her attention. Without actually intending to, she turned the page and began an inspired sketch of him as he sat staring out across the river with his favourite pipe clenched between his strong teeth. She worked feverishly for some time before she was satisfied with the result. She had not been able to capture that look of sadness she had seen in an unguarded moment, but the rest was all there from the shoulders upwards. The thick hair flecked with grey, brushed back severely and kept short in the nape of his neck, the rugged features relaxed and calm, and the blue open-necked shirt displaying the tanned column of his throat and spanning almost too tightly across his broad shoulders.











































'What are you sketching?' he asked eventually, knocking his pipe out against the tree. 'You,' she admitted, swiftly adding the finishing touches. 'May I see it?' 'If you promise not to laugh,' she agreed nervously. Tearing out the page, she passed it to him and waited anxiously for his opinion. He studied it for some time and she watched him closely, a nervous little pulse throbbing in her throat. 'This is very good,' he said at last. 'Except that you've been kind enough to make me look younger.' 'I wasn't being kind to you at all,' she replied, a little shocked at his remark. 'You were relaxed, and it made you appear more youthful.' There was derisive mockery in the eyes that met hers. 'You admit then that I usually look my age?' 'I admit nothing of the sort,' she retorted crossly, 'and stop trying- to give the impression that you're as old as Methuselah!' A look of astonishment crowed his face. 'My dear child, when I was twenty I considered everyone over the age of thirty as old, so why should I imagine you think differently?' 'You're being silly, Tarquin,' she rebuked him gently. 'Do you always allow your age to trouble you in this way?'











































'To me you're not old, Tarquin,' she said, a thought occurring to her which was quite disturbing. 'But, if my presence instigates this feeling, would you rather we don't see so much of each other?' 'That wouldn't solve the problem, my dear, it would only make it worse,' he assured her, placing a finger beneath her chin and raising her face to his so that she was forced to meet his cool glance. 'I enjoy your company, Toni. You're not afraid to speak your mind, and I like the way you occasionally order me about.' 'You mean, because you're way up there in your ivory tower, people mostly tremble before you?' 'That's one way of putting it, I suppose,' he frowned, releasing her and looking out across the river. She reached up impulsively and kissed his cheek. 'I think you're very nice, and very human. And I would like to prove how wrong they all are about you.' 'Toni, I'm not necessarily the same at work as I am with you,' he said with tolerant amusement. 'If you want to stay on top, you have to be a little ruthless at times.' 'Are you trying to tell me that you're harsh and mean, and an absolute ogre?' 'Something like that,' he admitted, now openly amused. 'Shame on you,' she teased, holding out her hand. 'May I have my sketch back, please?'











































'I told you once that you were being modest,' he said, slamming the door and turning to face her with a speculative look in his eyes. 'I have proof now that you were being much more than that. You're very talented.' 'And you're a flatterer.' 'I never flatter, Toni,' he said abruptly, resuming his seat and lighting his pipe. 'I always speak the truth, no matter how painful it may be on occasion.' 'Why have you never married, Tarquin?' she asked eventually, closing her sketchbook and laying it aside to glance at him through lowered lashes. 'There was someone once, but --' 'You changed your mind about her?' she finished for him when he hesitated. 'A change of mind had nothing to do with it,' he replied casually. 'She preferred someone else and that was that.' Toni's heart ached for him. 'Is that why you never married? Because you still love her?' 'Don't be a silly child,' chi ld,' he said a little impatiently. 'Do you intend to remain a bachelor for the rest of your life just because one foolish woman didn't realise your potential?' Steel-grey eyes raked her mockingly. 'Potential as what?'











































Refusing to have her convictions dampened by his mockery, she said: 'I think you would make some lucky woman an exacting but wonderful husband, and you'd be a splendid father, but I won't embarrass you by rattling off a further list of your virtues.' Tarquin was silent for a moment, apparently finding some difficulty in keeping his pipe alight, then, without looking at her, he said: 'If I ever have the good, or bad, fortune to meet someone I want to marry, then I shall send the lady to you for a reference.' 'Do that,' she laughed, but the thought was curiously disturbing, and it lingered in her mind throughout the rest of the day despite her efforts to shake off the uneasiness that came with the thought of Tarquin marrying someone who might object to their deepening friendship.

Toni and Fay spent their last evening before the holidays with Jeff and Gary, and, as always, Gary drew Toni into the shadows of the trees when they returned to the hostel. His kisses stirred her emotions, but she once again experienced that feeling of withdrawal within her when he became too passionate. 'I shall see you during the holidays,' he said at last. 'Rustenburg isn't so terribly far from Pretoria, but don't forget me in the meantime.' 'Don't be silly, Gary,' she laughed softly, trying to free herself from his arms. 'I must go in. I still have plenty of packing to do.' 'Not yet, sweetheart,' he protested, his breath warm against her













































so also the hands that caressed her, filling her with a strange revulsion that made her struggle for release. 'Stop fighting me, sweetheart,' he groaned, his arms tightening about her as he sought her evasive lips. 'No, Gary! Don't!' she commanded sharply, and it appeared to have the desired effect, for he released her slightly to grip her arms just above the elbows. 'Why not?' he demanded hoarsely. 'You're my girl, aren't you?' 'Yes, but... that doesn't mean that—that -' she faltered, her cheeks hot with embarrassment. He laughed with sudden understanding, his hands moving caressingly against her arms as she stared up into his shadowy face. 'You're a bit old-fashioned, Toni, but I like you that way, and it's going to be fun teaching you all there is to know about love.' 'What do you mean?' she asked suspiciously, extricating herself and moving a little away from him. 'Don't worry your pretty little head about it,' he replied, taking her arm as they exchanged the intimacy of the shadows for the well-lit gravel path. 'And save your kisses for me, understand?'











































Except for a printed Christmas card from Tarquin, she saw nothing of him at all over the Christmas holidays. She had telephoned him at his flat one evening, but there had been no reply, and she did not have the nerve to try again, hoping instead that he would contact her when he had a free moment. Her benefactor, too, had dealt her a severe blow that Christmas by not replying to the Christmas card she had selected specially for him, but it made her realise, only too clearly, that he had been deadly serious about discontinuing their association. With Christmas and the New Year celebrations behind her, Toni idled away the time in their private pool, escaping in that way from the excessive January heat while she waited for the employment agency in Johannesburg to contact her. There was nothing rare about spending a Sunday alone at home with Dulcie away playing tennis, and Ross on the golf course, but on this occasion Toni felt somehow dejected as she settled down at the side of the pool with a book and an umbrella for shade. She read for a while, but found her mind wondering aimlessly, and, shrugging off her towelling robe, she finally dived into the pool and swam across it several times until she had worked off most of her excess energy. She turned over on to her back, floating in a leisurely fashion and wondering what to do with the rest of the morning, when someone











































stared down into his familiar face with his hair lying dark and wet across his forehead. 'You scared the life out of me!' 'I know,' he said, his grin a flash of white in his tanned features as he lowered her slightly to bring her eyes on a level with his. 'I can feel your heart beating against your ribs.' She was all at once embarrassingly conscious of his nearness, of his muscular thighs against her own, and the feel of his hair-roughened chest beneath her fingertips. 'Where have you been hiding yourself all these weeks?' she asked in an attempt to appear casual. 'I've only just got back from Namibia,' he told her, releasing her suddenly and treading water as he placed some distance between them. 'A friend of mine has a business there, but he hasn't been doing so well and is thinking of selling out.' 'And are you thinking of buying?' 'As a matter of fact, I am.' 'Do you think you would do any better than your friend?' 'I almost certainly shall,' he replied with an arrogance that surprised











































'He can't afford to,' came the abrupt reply. 'He needs the money, and I have it.' 'It sounds terribly ruthless to me,' she challenged. Namibia is suffering the same economic crisis we are in this country, and the small business man just doesn't stand a chance. Peter realises this, and that's why he's selling out while he's still able to regain most of the capital he put into the business.' 'What you actually intend doing, then, is to open up a branch in Namibia?' 'Something like that,' he smiled slightly. 'Race you to the other side!' His unexpected challenge caught her unawares, and she came a poor second, but laughing and spluttering she admitted defeat. They swam about lazily for some time after that before he hauled himself out, instructing her to do the same. A flicker of admiration raced through her at the sight of his muscular body in the dark blue bathing trunks, and Toni stared almost hypnotically at the way the muscles in his arm rippled when he took her hand and lifted her effortlessly out of the water. 'Have you found yourself a job yet?' he asked as they reclined in the deck chairs with a long, cool drink she had collected from the











































She glanced at him then, her eyes wide and questioning beneath gently arched brows. 'Graham Todd, the lawyer?' 'Yes,' he said, draining his glass and placing it on the table beside him. 'But surely he would want someone with experience?' 'He's not concerned with that at the moment,' Tarquin gestured impatiently. 'He's looking for someone who's bright and intelligent to take his secretary's place while she's away on a six-month visit overseas.' Suspicion stirred unreasonably within her. 'You haven't been pulling a few strings on my behalf, have you?' 'No, I haven't,' he said abruptly as if the thought was distasteful. 'I ran into Graham yesterday, and he happened to mention his predicament. Jobs are difficult to get these days, and most firms want someone with previous experience. Six months as Graham's private secretary would give you an enviable reference with which to find something else eventually.' His glance sharpened. 'Interested?' 'Very,' she admitted, excitement rising within her.













































'Yes,' she said a little breathlessly at the speed with which things were moving. 'In Braamfontein, quite close to the railway station.' 'Right,' he said, rising to his feet. 'I'll meet you at Enrico's in Troye Street for lunch at twelve-thirty, then you can tell me how the interview went.' 'Where are you going?' she demanded, sitting up abruptly as he strode purposefully towards the sliding glass doors. He turned then, indicating his bathing trunks. 'I can't drive back to Johannesburg like this.' The realisation that he intended leaving almost at once drove her to action, and nimble-footed she ran towards him, gripping his arm anxiously. 'But you're staying to lunch, aren't you? Dulcie always prepares enough food to feed an army, so one extra wouldn't matter.' The muscles in his arm tightened beneath her touch as he glanced down at her with a look of irritation on his face. 'My dear child, I











































'Do I detect a note of sarcasm in your voice?' he asked, approaching her with narrowed eyes. Not for one moment would she let him guess at her momentary fear, she thought, her chin raised defiantly. 'If there is, then your behaviour is the cause of it.' Her pulse quickened as he stood before her, h er, the gleam of mockery in his eyes dispelling her fears instantly. 'What do you want of me, Toni?' 'It would satisfy me to know that you came specially because you missed me a little.' His eyes flickered strangely, then, with an insolence that sent the blood rushing to her cheeks, he slid his glance down the length of her slim, tanned body, lingering on curves accentuated by the perfect fit of her swimsuit, and returning yet again to the tantalising shadow between her small, firm breasts.











































'It will do,' she smiled, expelling her breath slowly and thankful that the moment of danger had passed. Tarquin strode swiftly from the room, but he left Toni feeling inexplicably happy. He had missed her after all! After a moment of indecision she hurried up to her room and changed into shorts and a thin sweater, brushing her hair until it shone, and applying a little make-up before she pushed her feet into a pair of comfortable sandals. To her surprise Tarquin awaited her in the hall, a careless finger hooked in the dark grey jacket which was slung carelessly across one shoulder, and his hair, darkened by dampness, combed back severely. He was admiring Dulcie's newest acquisition, a delicately cut, narrow-necked glass vase, when he turned at the sound of Toni's steps on the tiled floor. His expression was inscrutable as his glance took in her long-limbed youthfulness. 'I thought for a moment that you'd gone into











































'Aren't you staying to lunch, Tarquin?' she asked, slamming the car door, and looking remarkably young in her tennis dress as she came up the steps towards them. 'Ross will be here any moment now.' Tarquin shook his head. 'Some other time, Dulcie, but warn him that I shall be coming through soon to challenge him to a game of golf.' 'That should perk him up tremendously, Tarquin. He's been complaining lately that the competition is rather low these days,' she explained laughingly, knowing that Ross always considered Tarquin a strong challenger. 'Make it soon, though, and come for the weekend.' 'I'll let you know as soon as I have a free week-end,' he promised, and Dulcie excused herself, leaving them alone once more. Toni walked silently beside him down to his car, wondering what Ross and Dulcie would have to say about the prospect that she might soon be leaving home again, but her attention returned swiftly to the man beside her as he flung his jacket into the back of the car











































Graham Todd was younger than Toni had expected, for she judged him to be in his early forties when she faced him across the large desk in his ultra-modern office that Tuesday morning. He was obviously a man who did not believe in wasting time, for he glanced briefly at her reports and fired rapid questions at her. Finally, peering at her over the fop of his dark-rimmed spectacles, he asked: 'How soon can you start?' 'As s-soon as you like,' she stuttered, unable to believe that he considered her suitable. 'Monday?' 'Yes.' 'Good.' He smiled then, transforming his appearance into something less frightening. 'You have a week to pick up the general routine













































A little overawed, Toni thanked him somewhat breathlessly and settled down to wait, but Tarquin arrived almost immediately afterwards, and she watched with undisguised admiration as his tall figure approached her with purposeful strides. He slid into the seat opposite her and, taking one look at her flushed cheeks, said: 'So you've got the job.' 'Yes,' she replied with suppressed excitement. The short and stout Italian appeared once more beside their table, his smile almost as broad as his pleasant features. 'A little wine, I think, Enrico,' Tarquin answered his polite query. 'And then I think we'll have something light to eat. Your salad













































CHAPTER FIVE

'IT seems as though you're an honoured customer,' Toni remarked teasingly as they sipped their wine. Tarquin shrugged carelessly. 'I did Enrico a favour once shortly after he arrived in this country, and he's never forgotten.' 'And you insist that you're not kind,' she mocked him gently. 'There was no kindness involved in the favour,' he said abruptly, changing the subject. 'When do you start work?' 'Monday.'













































'I'm not a child,' she argued, disliking the term intensely. 'And I'm quite capable of looking after myself, you know.' 'Are you?' he mocked, but before she could think of a suitable reply their lunch was served, and her irritability disappeared miraculously as she glanced at the decoratively prepared salads which succeeded in awakening her appetite. Enrico had excelled himself, and Tarquin, remarking upon this, caused Enrico to return to his kitchen, wreathed in smiles. Toni no longer had any desire to pick up the conversation where they had left off, and she applied herself to her food, looking up for the first time when Tarquin asked: 'Have you accepted the fact that your benefactor has stepped out of your life?'













































The shutters snapped down over his eyes as he released her hand abruptly and applied himself to his food. 'I belong to my work, and it gives me all the satisfaction that I need.' 'I can't imagine there being any warmth in a relationship such as that, or that it could be as fulfilling as being married to the right woman.' 'The right woman never came along, and now it's too late.' 'It's never too late, Tarquin,' she replied with a rush of warmth. A flicker of amusement crossed his stern features. 'Do you think so?' Toni glanced at him helplessly, but knew better than to pursue the













































what they wanted, and that they would spend every free moment hunting for it. It was during the last week in January that Toni pushed her work aside for a moment, making up her mind, at last, to telephone Tarquin at his office. This was something she had usually managed to avoid in the past, but on this occasion she felt justified in doing so, for to keep the wonderful news to herself a moment longer was asking a little too much. 'Mr Radloff does not wish to be disturbed it the moment,' his secretary informed Toni a few seconds later. 'May I have your name, please?' Toni swallowed her disappointment and supplied her name, then, to her astonishment, the businesslike voice said: 'Just a















































'What kind of arrangements, Tarquin?' she asked suspiciously. 'Would you object to having dinner somewhere at my expense?' Part of her instantly rejected this idea, while the other warned her to be careful. 'I... don't, know.' 'Leave it to me, Toni, and I'll ring you back as soon as I've arranged it.'















































'Will you be there?' she asked hopefully. 'No, I have a business engagement this evening.' 'Oh.' Disappointment mingled with her guilt. 'Tarquin, I feel terrible about this. I didn't telephone you with the intention of getting an evening's free entertainment out of you.' There was a chilling silence at the other end of the line. 'I never















































high ceiling to throw a subdued light across the plushly carpeted interior, enhancing the beauty of the glittering silverware and finely cut crystal glasses. The tables were situated in small alcoves which afforded the customers a certain amount of privacy, and towards the other end of the restaurant a larger alcove accommodated the orchestra, leaving a large amount of floor space uncarpeted for those who wished to dance. Toni glanced about her appreciatively, thankful that she had chosen















































'Excuse me,' a pleasant, well-modulated voice remarked, and Toni turned slightly in her seat to face the red-haired woman in the white caftan. 'Did I hear you mention the name of Tarquin Radloff?' 'Yes, so we did,' she acknowledged, noticing an odd flicker of emotion in the green, heavily lashed eyes. 'With an unusual name like that there can be only one Tarquin Radloff in Johannesburg,' the woman remarked, turning fully















































'No,' Toni replied, her senses sharpened with the knowledge that this had to be the woman Tarquin had spoken of, and, not wanting Nell Garland to get the impression that Tarquin had been pining away for love of her all these years, she added with unashamed devilment, 'But he is planning to be married some time this year.' 'Oh.' Green eyes lost their sparkle and mirrored discontentment. 'Do you know the woman he intends to marry?'

















































irritate her was beyond her understanding, but it had left her feeling considerably depressed.

















































'I was beginning to think he had his eye on you, and that you were more than half in love with him,' Gary accused thickly.

















































Gary's arm tightened about her. 'Now that I know he has someone else in mind, I can accept the fact that he's keeping an eye on you because of his friendship with your foster-parents.'

















































'You could offer me much more if you'd only let yourself go a little,' he persisted, drawing her closer to the hardness of his body.

















































her hand and raising it to his lips with an anxious expression in his eyes. 'Am I forgiven?'









































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































in his secretary's statement earlier that day. He was working much too hard, and was allowing himself very little time for relaxation. As she sat listening to him, giving him the opportunity to speak of the things that troubled him, and occasionally giving her own opinion, she became aware of a feeling of tenderness towards him; a tenderness that grew to a dull ache that lodged uncomfortably in her chest. 'For one so young, and a woman at that, you're a remarkably good listener,' he said eventually, his expression pensive. 'It often helps to get matters into perspective when one is able to talk about them without interruption.' 'I'm always at your service, Mr Radloff, sir,' she teased lightly. 'Our roles are somewhat reversed this evening,' he smiled briefly. 'I don't usually make a habit of boring my female companions with the intricacies of my work.' Something stirred within her; something she was too frightened to analyse at that moment. 'More coffee?' she asked in a voice that was not quite steady. 'No, thank you.' 'Then why don't you make yourself comfortable in the lounge while I clear away the dishes?' 'I could help.' 'No, you couldn't,' she shook her head firmly as she pushed back her











































To her relief, Tarquin did not argue, and later, the kitchen as tidy as she had found it, she joined him where he relaxed in his favourite chair, smoking his pipe thoughtfully. 'Are you still enjoying your job with Graham?' he asked as she seated herself in a chair close to his. 'Yes, it's very interesting and stimulating,' she confessed readily. 'There's a possibility that a colleague of his might be branching out on his own some time this year, and -' 'You're being considered for the position as his private secretary,' he finished for her astutely. 'Yes,' she nodded, glancing down at her hands clasped so tightly in her lap and wondering vaguely why the idea no longer appealed to her. 'Your future is settled, then,' his deep voice interrupted her thoughts with a jolt. 'Nothing is definite, of course.' 'Of course,' he mocked slightly. 'There's always the possibility that you might decide to get married soon, and plans of that nature may alter things a little.' Toni felt strangely tense as she sat there facing him. 'It could alter matters, yes.' 'When you marry Gary you may need to continue with your job until he's qualified as a doctor and has done his internship.'











































'Have you quarrelled about something?' 'Not exactly.' Toni recalled her last conversation with Gary and realised that seeing Tarquin had brought her no nearer to solving her confused state of mind. If anything, she was more confused by his nearness, while the answer constantly eluded her. He had driven her into a corner with his persistent questioning, and for some unaccountable reason it frightened her. Or was it perhaps that she was afraid of facing the truth? 'I thought your relationship with Gary was all cut and dried,' Tarquin's voice slashed harshly through her thoughts. 'You don't sound very sure of yourself.' 'I'm not sure of anything at the moment,' she sighed, rising agitatedly and walking across to the window to stare down into the well-lit street below as if she hoped to find the answer among the flickering neon lights. 'Do you want to talk about it?' 'This isn't the sort of problem you could help me with,' she replied, close to panic at die thought that she should discuss something with Tarquin that concerned him so vitally. 'I must find the answer for myself.' 'Are you certain of that?' Toni jumped nervously as she felt his hands on her shoulders. She had not heard him approach on the thickly carpeted floor, and her











































his breath sharply, and then she was turned almost roughly to face him. For endless seconds she stared up into his eyes, held captive by their probing intensity, and unable to run from what she had feared all evening. Without her being able to prevent it, a strange new warmth uncurled from deep within her, spreading slowly through her entire body until every nerve and every pulse was vibrantly alive with an emotion that seemed to shake the foundations beneath her feet. She was in love with Tarquin!

The realisation swept through her like a hurricane wreaking havoc, and, fighting against an uncommon faintness, she swayed slightly towards him for support. The next instant she was draped helplessly across his arm, and she had a blurred vision of his face, dark and menacing, before his mouth descended upon hers. He had kissed her before, but it had been brief and not worth recalling. This time his lips held hers masterfully, and she found herself unprepared for the sensations caused by his sensual exploration of her mouth which created an instant response within her, until her emotions clamoured to a pitch of desire that was almost frightening in its intensity. His hands moved caressingly over her body, awakening fires which had lain dormant till that moment, and, moaning softly against his lips, she locked her hands behind his head as she felt herself slipping into an abyss of delight from which she had no desire to escape. Then suddenly it was all over, and she stood swaying dazedly beneath the impact of her emotions as she faced him, her glance questioning, and her heart thumping so loudly that she was certain he must hear it. Something was wrong; terribly wrong, she realised











































'It has been a memorable evening, one way and another, but now I'm taking you home,' he stated eventually as if nothing of importance had happened between them. Shattered by the steel-like quality of his composure, or perhaps her total lack of it, Toni shook her head slowly in an effort to clear her mind. 'Tarquin, I -' 'You're a very pretty and provocative child, Toni,' he interrupted ruthlessly, his face a hard, impenetrable mask. 'I may be nearing forty, but I'm not senile yet. So, before I do something I shall regret, be a good girl and collect your things.' She stepped back a pace, flinching inwardly as if he had struck her physically, then the blood rushed painfully to her cheeks before receding and leaving her deathly pale. She had been put smartly in her place, like an erring child who had been playing at being an adult. Surely he must have realised ... ? He must know that she had not merely been seeking excitement? 'Dear God!' she thought as she fled from him to collect her wrap and handbag which she had left on a chair in his bedroom. 'It meant nothing to him, and I so very nearly made a fool of myself by confessing that I love him.' h im.' The drive back to her flat was a humiliating nightmare that was made bearable only by the fact that Tarquin behaved in his usual imperturbable manner. He insisted on accompanying her to her door, and there, in the dimly lit entrance hall which seemed to shrink in size when he entered it, he said an abrupt 'goodnight' and was gone before Toni had had time to think of something to say













































discovery that she loved him, had given her no opportunity to be on the defensive, and she had responded with a warmth and passion which not even Gary had succeeded in arousing. Mortified by her actions, she recalled painfully how she had swayed towards him, literally throwing herself into his arms, and Tarquin had misinterpreted her action. It was not surprising, therefore, that he should have taken advantage of what must have appeared to be a blatant invitation, following his action up smartly with a firm reprimand. Engulfed with shame, she undressed in the darkness and slipped into bed. She sought oblivion in sleep, but there was no escaping the vivid recollection of the touch of his hands and lips, and of her own ecstatic response.

'What's the matter with you, Fay?' Toni asked her friend with concern one evening while they were having supper. 'You've been very quiet these past few days, and it's not like you at all.' 'You haven't been so bright yourself,' Fay accused in an attempt to tease. 'Gary hasn't been here once this past week either.' 'Don't evade my question by changing the subject.'











































'Jeff has decided to take the job, then?' Toni asked, pushing her plate aside and pouring their coffee. 'I more or less insisted that he should take it,' Fay shrugged helplessly. 'I couldn't stand in his way, and have him throw it in my face a couple of years from now.' 'When does he leave?' 'In a week's time, and the thought is driving me crazy.' 'I wonder ...' Toni bit her lip with nervous contemplation. It was more than a week since she had seen or heard from Tarquin, and, after their last encounter, she had been too embarrassed to contact him, but Fay needed help, and this was no time to think of her own feelings. Tarquin was, after all, the only person she knew who might be able to assist Fay in some way. 'What are you hatching up now?' no w?' Fay asked, glancing suspiciously at Toni over the rim of her cup. 'I was thinking of Tarquin.' Fay put down her cup and threw up her hands in mock horror. 'I need every little bit of advice I can lay my hands on, and you sit there thinking of Tarquin!'











































'I don't know, but there's no harm in asking him,' Toni interrupted swiftly, not wishing to give her friend too much to hope for. 'Do you have to give a month's notice?' 'They'll accept two weeks.' Fay's excitement was almost tangible, and, for her sake, Toni hoped that she had not suggested the impossible. 'Have you discussed this with your parents?' Fay nodded emphatically. 'Yes, I have, and they said they'd be happy with whatever I should decide. They like Jeff very much, and they understand that I would want to be near to him.' Toni toyed with the idea for a moment longer, then abruptly came to a decision. 'I'll telephone Tarquin now. If he's at home then he could start making a few enquiries first thing in the morning.' Fay followed her excitedly into the small entrance hall, and stood with her fingers crossed while Toni dialled his number. 'Radloff,' his voice came abruptly over the line a few seconds later, and Toni's heart did a frantic somersault. 'Tarquin, it's Toni. Are ... are you going out, or something?'











































'I think it might be a better idea if I came over, then we could discuss the matter in detail,' Tarquin suggested s uggested after a brief pause. 'Would you really?' she asked in disbelief. 'Look, there's a telephone call I have to make, then I'd like to shower and change, so give me an hour,' he said abruptly. 'Thank you, Tarquin.' 'What did he say?' Fay demanded, barely able to conceal her excitement as Toni replaced the receiver. 'He'll be here in an hour's time.' 'Oh, dear,' Fay's face fell. 'Jeff has tickets for that new show in town, so I won't be able to talk to Mr Radloff personally.' 'Don't worry, I'll explain,' Toni assured her smilingly. 'Toni, you're an angel!' Fay exclaimed, and Toni was enveloped in a bear hug. 'We'll come straight back to the flat afterwards, so please wait up for me, because I shall be dying of curiosity to know what he said.' 'I'll wait up for you,' Toni promised, feeling a little like an











































When the shrill ring of the doorbell finally echoed through the flat, she was a bundle of nerves and, taking a deep breath to steady herself, she went to open the door. 'Please come in, Tarquin,' she heard herself say moments later in a voice that was deceptively calm. 'Fay unfortunately couldn't stay, but I think I could manage to give you all the information you want.' 'Right, let's have it,' he said as he settled himself in a pinewood chair with its gaily covered cushions, and, without looking at him, Toni explained Fay's predicament as accurately as she could. 'Do you think you could help in any way?' she asked finally, raising her glance for the first time to see him scribbling something in a small black notebook which he pocketed instantly. 'I can't promise you anything, but I'll see what I can do.' 'Thank you, Tarquin.' 'Don't thank me yet,' he mocked her. 'I may be totally unsuccessful.' 'But you'll have tried, and I thank you for that,' she persisted, avoiding the intensity of his glance once more. An uncomfortable silence settled between them. Toni had













































'I'll keep it until something smaller goes vacant.' 'What about the furniture?' This was something she had not thought about, she realised as she replied: 'I shall have to pay out Fay's share that she put into it, but I think I'll manage.' 'You'll miss her,' he observed after a slight pause. 'I'm sure I shall.' 'But you'll still have Gary,' he put forward with a closed expression. 'I'll have no one if I can't have you,' she thought achingly, but aloud she said: 'I shan't be seeing so much of Gary either, I don't don 't think. We had quite a discussion one evening, and I made it quite clear that there can be nothing but friendship between us.' Tarquin's glance sharpened as he sat forward, his bulk making the chair appear like a miniature. 'Is there someone else? Someone I











































'Then he's a blind fool!' Tarquin exploded. 'Blind, perhaps, but not a fool. He's the most wonderful man I've ever met, and I know there can never be anyone else for me, but -' she shrugged and rose swiftly in her effort to end this topic of conversation. She was treading on dangerous ground, and knew it. 'I think I'll go and make us some coffee.' Escaping to the kitchen, she switched on the kettle and set out the cups, but a sixth sense warned her that she was no longer alone. Leaning against the door of the small refrigerator was Tarquin, and she loved every inch of his tall, broad-shouldered frame in his beige jacket, dark brown pants, and matching shirt. Meeting his intent glance was unavoidable, but the resolute expression about his mouth unnerved her to such an extent that she almost dropped the sugar bowl. 'Toni . . . forgive me for asking this, but he's not married already, is he?'











































'I may be wrong, but bu t I'm almost sure he isn't,' she said, slamming the door of the refrigerator unnecessarily hard and turning her back on him. 'Then what's the problem?' Tarquin persisted as he watched her move about in the limited space available to her. 'I wish I knew,' she sighed, tiring of this dangerous game and wishing she had never been foolish enough to start it. Tarquin, totally perplexed and behaving like an irate uncle, was determined to get to the bottom of this whole secretive business. 'You must have seen him quite often to have fallen in love with him.' 'Quite often, yes,' she replied tritely as she poured their coffee, adding sugar and milk to taste. 'How long have you known him?'











































The desire to laugh hysterically, at the thought of Tarquin not approving of himself, was almost too much for her, and she clutched at the cupboard behind her, clenching her teeth with an effort to control herself. How could he be so stupid not to have guessed! 'It's not a question of approval,' she said eventually, her voice a little unsteady. 'And whether you approve or not makes no difference.' 'If I could help,' he offered unexpectedly, setting down his cup and moving closer to her; too close, in fact, for comfort. 'One can't induce love where there is none,' she whispered, and her heart bled with every word. 'I can't imagine any man knowing you and not loving you.' 'Could you love me?' The words were out before she could prevent them, and she went cold with fright at the thought of her own audacity. A nerve pulsed











































'You're far too pretty to remain single,' he said with a touch of cynicism. 'If I were ten years younger I might have formed part of the queue, but as it is I'm nearing forty. If I should think of marriage at my age, then I should have to choose someone older; someone with experience of handling an old, confirmed bachelor who's too set in his ways to change.' 'Someone like Nell Garland, perhaps?' she asked, realising that, without knowing it, he had once again placed himself firmly out of bounds. 'Perhaps,' he admitted, ruthlessly driving die knife home. 'She's been through one unsuccessful marriage, and I think she's matured enough over the years not to expect roses all the way.' 'Her divorce should be final within two months,' Toni remarked with a deadly coldness inside her. 'So she told me.'













































Tarquin inclined his head slightly, and pocketed the small sheet of paper. 'Sleep well, Toni,' he said, and the next moment she was alone in the flat with a chilling emptiness inside her that made her shiver as if a cold draught of air had swept over her. Would he ever see her as a woman and not merely as a child who needed his guidance and help? she wondered furiously as she returned to the kitchen to rinse out the cups before settling down to await Fay's return.













































CHAPTER EIGHT

'I CAN'T believe that you're actually on your way,' Toni remarked a little sadly as she sat beside Fay in the departure lounge at Jan Smuts airport. 'I can hardly believe it myself, but I've been living on a cloud of happiness ever since Tarquin telephoned that morning to say that he had a job lined up for me in Windhoek.' Toni felt a tug of envy as she glanced at her friend and saw the glow of excitement on her face. These past two weeks, while Fay had worked her notice, had gone by too swiftly, and now her departure was but a few minutes away.













































As the Boeing soared into the blue, cloudless sky, Toni left the airport building and took a bus back to the city. Graham had been kind enough to give her two hours off that morning in order to see Fay on her way, but now she would have to get back in order to catch up on the correspondence that lay waiting to be typed. The part Toni dreaded most was returning to the flat that afternoon, and the time inevitably arrived for her to do so. The early winter breeze whipped her skirt about her legs and sent an accompanying chill through her heart. It was going to be hellish without Fay, she decided as she entered the yellow-brick building and took the lift up to her flat on the second floor. The evening stretched endlessly before her as she went through to













































'Ross,' he confirmed, dwarfing her small entrance hall, because, in her moment of stress, she had not thought to take him through to the lounge. 'Dulcie telephoned from the Pretoria General less than half an hour ago and asked me to break the news to you. They don't know yet how badly he was injured, but they're busy with X-rays and tests at the moment.' 'Was it a car accident?' 'Yes,' he confirmed. 'A lorry jumped the red light and caught Ross's car on the rear, spinning it out of control.' 'Oh, lord!' she moaned hoarsely, burying her face in her hands as she tried to shut out the vision of Ross lying critically injured in hospital, and the agonising possibility that he might die. 'Why do













































'I've put plenty of milk in it, so drink it down before it gets cold.' Without quibbling she did as she was told, and before long they were on their way to Pretoria, driving swiftly through the fast gathering dusk. The journey took a little longer than half an hour and, as they entered the outskirts of the Jacaranda City, Tarquin spoke for the first time. 'I think we should go straight to the hospital, don't you?' 'Yes,' she croaked, a rawness in her throat, and a frightening tightness at the pit of her stomach that made her feel quite sick.















































whatever lay behind the clinical walls of the imposing building before them. They found Dulcie alone in a small waiting-room, her-face pale and strained as she clung to Toni's hands. 'I'm so glad you could both come,' she said eventually, her eyes darting anxiously at the door from time to time. 'I've been nearly out of my mind with no one to talk to, and they seem to be taking ages















































Tarquin shrugged. 'Two, maybe three hours, the doctor said. Have you had anything to eat?' How typical of Tarquin to take over in such a calm, practical manner, Toni thought, a little warmth stealing into her heart as Dulcie shook her head adamantly. 'No, I haven't eaten, and I know it would simply choke me.' 'You will nevertheless have something to eat,' Tarquin replied, quite















































'Stop that!' Toni snapped, thrusting similar thoughts from her mind as she drew Dulcie down on to the chair beside her own. 'Forgive the old cliché, but while there's life there's hope, and Ross has always had the constitution of an ox.' 'But there are some injuries -' 'Dulcie, I won't have you talking this way, now snap out of it,' Toni ordered sharply, at that moment the stronger of the two.















































leaving Toni with a glowing feeling inside that temporarily dimmed the anxieties of the moment. When they finally dispensed with the crumbs of the meal Tarquin had provided, the long period of waiting began in the small, brightly lit room with its white, clinical walls and serviceable but uncomfortable chairs. As the minutes dragged by endlessly, the strain began to tell on















































The tears rose to Toni's eyes, but she blinked them back rapidly as she, too, went to Dulcie's side. Then, with a look of encouragement from Tarquin, she said: 'If it will help at all, Tarquin and I are just as concerned about Ross, but it would look ridiculous if all three of us paced the floor while we waited.' 'Heavens, yes,' Dulcie sighed, a half-forgotten smile plucking at her lips as her sense of humour came to her rescue while they led her back to her chair. 'I don't suppose you possess such a thing as a

















































'Thank God!' Dulcie cried, tears of relief spilling on to her cheeks as she echoed Toni's thoughts. 'May I see him? Just for a moment?'

















































Toni nodded, not bothering to shed her coat as reaction set in and her body began to shake. The tightness in her chest rose to her throat, choking her, while her eyes blurred with tears that refused to

















































'I must look a mess,' she laughed a little shakily, searching frantically for a way of disengaging herself without offending him, but, even as she thought up excuses, his hand slid beneath her chin

















































His expression altered instantly to a hard, impenetrable mask as he turned, removing his jacket at the same time, and flinging it on to the nearest chair before he strode towards the teak cabinet at the

















































'But you did, and recognised the handwriting,' he accused, placing their glasses on the coffee-table and removing the notebook from within her clasp to return it to his jacket pocket.









































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































Tarquin touched his glass as if he considered ordering another drink, then he changed his mind and pushed the glass aside with an audible sigh. 'I think I must have had some crazy notion that I could be of some service to you in a personal capacity instead of by correspondence.' 'Was that the only reason?' she asked softly, amazed at her own audacity. And, for the first time since meeting Tarquin, she saw him look uncomfortable. 'Toni, this isn't the place to discuss these matters,' he said agitatedly, and, strengthened by the knowledge that she had managed to get beneath his reserve, she reached across the table and touched his arm, the expensive dark fabric of his suit a little rough beneath her fingertips. 'Then let's go somewhere quiet where we can be alone.' 'No!' he snapped, shaking off her hand and glancing at the dial of his expensive wristwatch. 'I have another appointment at six-thirty.' 'With Nell?' she could not prevent herself from asking, then, as she glanced at his rigid features, she continued hastily, 'Tarquin, please! This is terribly important to me. My entire future depends on the outcome of this discussion.' For a moment she thought he would refuse, and a frightened pulse jerked in her throat, but the next instant he was on his feet, his fingers gripping her elbow as he drew her to her feet and guided her from the restaurant into the gathering dusk outside.











































It was a short but silent drive, with neither of them speaking until they had entered his flat. Toni had regained her composure after her slight attack of nerves in the car, and, shedding her coat, she glanced about her, recalling the last occasion she had been there. That was the night she had discovered her love for him, and nothing had since gone smoothly in their relationship. 'Another sherry?' Tarquin enquired with a chilly politeness reserved for strangers. 'No, thank you,' she smiled unsteadily, surfacing from thoughts which had quickened her pulse alarmingly. 'That sherry at Enrico's has left me slightly light-headed as it is.' She observed him in silence as he removed his jacket, selected a pipe, and began to fill it from the carved wooden box on the table beside his favourite armchair, his actions calming her considerably. 'Tell me now, Tarquin. Was there another, reason for wanting to meet me?' Unaware of the growing tension within her, he took his time fighting his pipe, and only when it was burning to his satisfaction, did he reply with that cynical twist to his lips. 'You could say, I suppose, that I became a glutton for punishment.' A peculiar little pain manifested itself in the region of her heart. 'Was our friendship a punishment to you?' 'Yes.' 'Only a punishment?' she whispered after a strained little silence with the pleasant odour of pipe tobacco drifting towards her.











































'What would you have me say, Toni?' 'That you love me,' the words sprang to her lips, but she checked them forcibly as she walked across to the window and drew aside die heavy curtains. The neon sign, mounted on the tall building across the street, flashed on and off at regular intervals, accentuating the planes and hollows on her strained face as she sighed inaudibly, knowing what she had to do, yet hesitating. Tarquin cleared his throat behind her, triggering her into some sort of action. 'You must know how I feel about you?' the words were wrenched from her before she froze, not daring to turn and face him. There was a loud drumming in her ears as she felt rather than heard him come up behind her, closing her eyes as she heard him place his pipe on the windowsill before he took her firmly by the shoulders and turned her about to face him. 'I'm sorry, my dear, but -' 'Don't say it!' she interrupted wildly, placing her hands against her ears in a somewhat childish fashion. 'If you don't—if you can't—I'd rather not hear you say it,' she cried brokenly, feeling as though she were dying inch by embarrassed inch. Fingers of steel gripped her wrists and dragged her hands away from her ears, making her cry out in pain as she raised her frightened glance to his. 'You must listen to me, Toni,' he insisted harshly, while his eyes, a curious deep blue in the subdued light, raked her face angrily. 'If it











































than anything ...' he hesitated, his features relaxing a fraction.'... I wanted to see that tenderness in your eyes come alive for me in an effort to wash away my guilt. It was perhaps a stupid way of extracting your forgiveness without having to tell you the truth, I don't know, but I knew I had to meet you.' His grip on her wrists slackened, but he did not release her, and she swayed towards him like someone in a daze. She could feel the heat of his body against her own as she struggled to suppress the flicker of hope that rose within her to quicken her pulse. 'That was when the impossible waiting period began,' he continued, his breath fanning her forehead. 'You had another year to complete at the college, and I intended waiting until you'd qualified, but then the incredible opportunity arose for me to meet you quite naturally. I had to see Ross about a business venture that wasn't quite working out as I'd hoped, and you were going home that week-end. So what could have been more natural than for me to offer of fer you a lift home?' Her breath quickened. 'Tarquin -' 'I was as nervous as hell that day,' he went on as if she had not spoken, a humorous smile plucking at his lips. 'Photographs can be deceptive, but, to my astonishment, you were even more beautiful, and also so blessedly unaware of it that I was instantly at ease with you.' Tarquin's grip tightened momentarily before he released her abruptly. 'That was where I made my first mistake. I should s hould have got the hell out of that college, never to set eyes on you again.' 'Please ... don't say that,' Toni begged haltingly as her uncertainty returned. 'Every moment we spent together was like a precious gem











































...' He gestured her to silence. '... most important of all, there's no way of eliminating the fact that I was directly responsible for the deaths of your parents.' 'Don't you think you've paid for that a long, long time ago?' Tarquin's movements were slow as he rescued his pipe off the windowsill, but he stood staring at it in his hand without relighting it, his voice rough as he spoke. 'I've carried my guilt around with me long enough to be able to bear it with some dignity, yes. But I shall never forgive myself entirely.' 'But, Tarquin, there's no need for you to feel that way about it,' she cried, desperate now to get through to him. 'If it's my forgiveness that you want, then you know you have it without reservations.' He turned away from her, but not before she had seen that peculiar tightening of his lips that made her heart feel as though it were clamped in a vice. 'It isn't merely a question of forgiveness,' he said at last, placing his pipe in a large porcelain ashtray and thrusting his hands into his pockets. 'It's much more than that.' 'Then what is it?' she demanded, frantic now as she saw the gulf widen between them. 'Tarquin, it's senseless to continue labouring under this feeling of guilt when you've made up for it in so many other ways. You've given me so much; much more than I ever would have had had my parents been alive, and Ross and Dulcie gave me all the love and attention a child could wish for. I've had an expensive education, clothes that were the envy of my friends, and,













































tense beneath the silk of his shirt, while his rigid profile showed no sign of softening. 'Then I met you,' she continued in a voice just above a whisper; 'and I realise now, of course, why I found you so easy to talk to. You knew me so well. What more could any girl have wanted when someone like you gave her so much more than she deserved?' He turned then, his glance coldly mocking. 'Are you offering me gratitude, Toni?' She removed her hand from his arm as if it had stung her. 'Of course I'm grateful. Terribly, terribly grateful. But that has nothing to do with the way I feel. I ... Oh, lord!' She buried her face in her hands for a moment, afraid she would burst into tears, then, as she fought to regain her composure, she realised that she would have to shed the remnants of her pride, regardless of the consequences, and, lowering her hands to face the silent man before her, she said unsteadily: 'I love you, Tarquin, but you're making it awfully hard for me to convince you.' A flicker of emotion crossed his face before the mask of indifference was firmly replaced. 'You're still very young, my dear, and you're uncertain of your feelings. You once thought yourself in love with Gary Thompson. then it was someone else whose identity I'm still unaware of, and now you think yourself in love with me.'











































'But it is!' she insisted, gripping the back of a chair to prevent herself from running after him as cold fear sent shivers of ice through her veins. Was it possible that she had made a mistake? 'Have I become an embarrassing nuisance; a painful reminder of something you would rather forget?' 'For pity's sake, you could never become that, but the knowledge that I was responsible for the death of your parents will no doubt eventually create a barrier between us. It's happened already, and ... I'm also too old for you.' He had swung round to face her as he spoke, and, for one incredible moment Toni had caught a glimpse of what lay beneath that impenetrable mask he kept so relentlessly in place. He was not as indifferent as he wanted her to think and, strengthened by this knowledge, she said : 'That's far too feeble an excuse for me to accept, because you know me well enough to realise that I don't bear grudges, and making use of the difference in our ages is just too silly.' He stared at her incredulously for a moment, then, moving his broad shoulders slightly as if to shake off her remark, he picked up her coat and came towards her purposefully. 'Toni, you're pounding relentlessly at a door that will remain locked for ever. Let me take you home.'











































Scraping together every vestige of courage she possessed, she closed the gap between them and raised her chin proudly as she said clearly and calmly, 'Kiss me, Tarquin. Kiss me just once as if you really mean it' She held her breath, a pulse throbbing painfully in her throat as she watched several emotions flicker across that strong face above hers as he grasped the essence of her request. Although she knew that she had scored a definite hit, leaving him no alternative but to retaliate, it took several frightening seconds for him to react, and, when he did, she almost regretted her foolish request. Her shoulders were gripped so painfully that she silently cried out with the agony of it as he dragged her against him with a force that took her breath away. 'You scheming little -' he broke off hoarsely, steel-grey eyes scorching her with their intensity seconds before her neck almost snapped with the force of his kiss. There was not a scrap of tenderness in the arms that clamped her to his body, nor in the lips that bruised her own in a punishment she was beginning to think she deserved, then, as tears formed beneath her lashes, he raised his head, and his anger washed over her with a force similar to that of the freak storms which so often occurred on the Reef. 'You knew you had the upper hand, didn't you?' he demanded with a violence that left her speechless. 'You knew it all along. You knew











































blood pounding through her veins, releasing a flood of emotions she no longer had any need to hide and, slipping her arms about his neck, she moved her parted lips warmly beneath his, relaying unmistakably the depth of her love. She felt him tremble against her as his lips finally strayed across her cheek and along the slender column of her neck, seeking and finding that vulnerable little pulse that throbbed so frantically at the base of her throat. 'I love you, Toni,' he groaned hoarsely, his hands moulding her slenderness to his muscular frame and awakening a desire within her that spread like a flame through her quivering body. 'God help me, but I love you and want you.' 'Darling Tarquin,' she sighed ecstatically as she laid her flushed cheek against his broad chest and heard the rapid thudding of his heart beneath her ear. 'I was beginning to think that, like everything else, I'd have to drag that confession out of you.' 'It doesn't pay to hide from the truth,' he insisted with an odd inflection in his voice as he placed a hand beneath her chin and forced her face into the open. 'I'm almost twice your age, and this is something you must consider very carefully.' Her glance was openly teasing, with an underlying tenderness he could not avoid noticing as she looked up at him steadily, and asked: 'Are you perhaps afraid that, because of my youth, you might find











































'Tarquin, please!' she begged eventually when she was forced to raise her hand in effort to ward off his conquering lips. 'What about Nell?' This was not the time to discuss Nell Garland, she realised regretfully as she saw the light of passion cool in his eyes, but she had to know. 'What about her?' he asked abruptly, his arms falling away from her. 'When I saw you having dinner together the other evening, I thought -' she faltered to a halt, shivering slightly without the warmth of his arms about her. 'Yes? You thought?' 'I thought she'd managed to make you see that you still cared for her.' Toni swallowed nervously. 'Ross said she could be very persuasive.' A peculiar little silence hovered between them before he asked: 'Were you jealous?' 'Yes,' she laughed suddenly, still a little unsure of herself. 'Terribly jealous.'













































'Did she ever question you about the he I told her that night at the Sheridan? About you marrying someone during the year?' 'She did.' 'And?' 'I didn't deny it.' 'That still doesn't explain why you were having dinner with Nell that evening,' Toni persisted. 'It was one of those "for old times' sake" dinners,' he explained in between tantalising feather-light kisses. 'Nell may have baited the hook, but I wasn't biting— not after a slip of a child like yourself had simply stomped into my heart with the arrogance of youth to take possession.' 'If only I'd known!' Toni sighed heavily, rejoicing in the freedom to slide her hands through his greying hair and finding it amazingly











































'Where are we going?' Toni demanded as he gripped her arm and almost dragged her into the hall. 'To Pretoria to ask Ross and Dulcie for your hand in marriage before I come to my senses and change my mind,' he replied, snapping off the lights as they went. 'Oh, Tarquin!' she laughed breathlessly, blinking back the tears of happiness that hovered on her lashes. He stopped suddenly, turning her to face him. 'You do want to marry me, don't you?' he asked, almost as an afterthought. 'Yes ... oh, yes,' she sighed, flying into his h is arms and offering him her lips, but the electric clock on the wall chimed the half hour and she drew away from him slightly, raising her anxious glance to his. 'What about the appointment you had for six-thirty?' 'There isn't one,' he laughed without the slightest sign of guilt. 'Fabricating an appointment has always helped me out of a sticky











































'Darling, I'd marry you tomorrow if you demanded it,' she replied breathlessly, her eyes darkened by emotion, and her cheeks flushed from his lovemaking. 'The temptation is very strong,' he admitted, his hands beneath her coat moving excitingly and convincingly against her back. 'As my benefactor, what would you have advised?' 'As your benefactor I would have advised you to settle for a white wedding,' he said with a measure of sternness. 'It's the most important day in a girl's life.' 'Then it shall be a white wedding as my beloved benefactor advises,' she smiled, her heart in her eyes as she pressed closer to him. 'Dearest Tarquin, I adore you.' 'I swear I shall make it my task to see that you always do,' he vowed solemnly against her lips, and the intended trip to Pretoria was postponed for yet another few blissful minutes while their shadows

Beloved Benefactor by Yvonne Whittal

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