At the “Brink”of Aethism from Christianity
A word of caution. . . • Hoping none will ever read this, as it is dull and contsenting. • No offence to Christianity or christians. I personaly believe that The Bible is the best book to learn about an ideal world and an ideal man’s perfect life to peace and harmony.
Yesterday I said Hai to Kronos. . . Yesterday is the day that I greaved for breaking the once good nice bond between me and God (if there is any) from my heart, hoping that my decision will have to be reverted soon, by some act of great miracle. I was or am a christian(still in a dialema), any way born in a christian family, nurtured and cherished in christian values. Basically, I am a very shy guy, love peace and quiet atmosphere, and yesterday I would have called myself a heavy sinner. I have recogenised my greatest fear as follows, and they play more than cruitual role in the wreckage of my so called ‘faith ’, they are. • I will become like my father in all aspects. • I will mostly take my dreams to my grave. A brief outlook into the points are give in the following passages. My father is an extreamist in case of religion, hence was and is nailing the values into me day by day. And he is very very short tempered, if he ever come across this piece, I will be blown to smithereens. My mother is more on the softer side, still not short of nails from time to time. I share some of my fathers traits like being a hot head is certain aspects (this being a very evident trait). He extreamly obsessed with The Bible, that even when we talk casually (whose frequency has been reducing dramatically), he can’t stop saying about Christ, his friends who has become sucessful by strictly obeying The Bible. Any conversation will drift back into the same aspect, and as I fear for the atmosphere in the house, will end up stuck to listen to the same stories again and again. The main problem that lead to the breakdown are, as I have so many virtues chisseled into my head, heared umpty stories and two realy great miracles (now I account them as luck) made me believe in Christ. Yesterday I would have said, two great miracles happened in my life, one of the miracles happened before joining the college (UG) and one during my college day’s. In between these “miracles”I got a major ligament tear in my knee while playing, this was considered as an act of God to test my faith or the villans devices to trick me away from God. I groaned and murmered to the wind, and after about a month I accepted the facts of ”whatever happens is for my own good” and ”God has something better for me”. The time passed over to the second miracle 4 years ago, from now. Then I was joyous beyond comprehension, afterwhich my faith was solid yet wobbly at ocassions. Nothing great happened in the dim and dark days ahead, I kept hoping ”God has something better for me”, comforting myself, in those days I remembered that ”its better to rely on God than on men”, so didn’t try to ask favours from friends or relatives. The days continued to be dark and dim, 2.5 years back I was made to join a college (PG) of my Dad’s choice against my will, As I didn’t want to distupt the atmosphere in the house I followed him, joined a course of his wish (no questions asked)(He made me join there for spiritual upliftment). Nothing changed except for the senery, and only the prescence of friends lifted my heart. Day’s passed and one day campus placement was on the doors. Then the most terrible thing happened, I cleared the first round (knew this later from from a teacher), but the college management rejected my appearence in the second round as I didn’t register in their forum (of which I never knew). They put a restriction on my head making me ineligeble to attend
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further placements (if any). I got too dejected, then a friend of mine told me “God will have something better palanned for you than this company”. Althougn this didn’t revive my heart, but greatly boosted my faith. I prayed and repented my ways. After 4 months, I graduated out of the college with a degree and a piece saying Third rank holder. I had been waiting for a sustainable job that could become a ray of hope for my dreams. Yesterday it so happened that I just turned to look back at my life and found that I was just being held back in bounds due to 2 lucky events, that had some effct on the direction of my life, from the day of my birth. That being stated, if I am to choose the divine path and continue to wait for miracles, I will have to take all my dreams to my grave, statistically speaking!!. So, why should I waste my time waiting and following a book that are full of promises, of which I have to wait for the mercy of an unknown, unprooved power to smile upon me, rather than erase the title of the column reading miracles as Lucky!! I personaly feel that, only some 0.0001% of the people who crave God will have something to share as a miracle the rest of us are the flock who look at this 0.0001% and hope that something like this happens to us. If we turn back and analyse, there might be a hand full of experiences that we can define as a miracle or is it u being lucky through some permutation of various components of this cosmos.
Errrrr. . . If you have read this and found this as crude, unpolished, deviating from the point, strange, stupid, ok, I am out of words from my vocabulary, to describe . I can always be Sorry!!!! for wasting your time.
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