Ch1 The three men in a long discussion on their illnesses The narrator, J, two of his friends, George and Harris and the dog, Montmorency, are spending an evening at J‟s room. They are discussing the sufferings and illnesses that they fancy they are going through. Harris and George feel they have “fits of giddiness” as many a time they „hardly knew what they were doing‟. The narrator considers his liver to be out of order and feels this to be the cause of his current illness. A mine-house of diseases Every ailment or disease that the narrator hears or reads about seems to ideally fit his symptoms. He refers to a medical book wherein he reads about various diseases and their possible symptoms and then happens to interpret that he possesses virtually each one of them. He visits his doctor who prescribes him a hearty diet and exercise and advices not to stuff up his head with things he does not understand. Overwork is the reason for their illnesses It seems that all three of them seem to be going through hypochondria. None of them is sure of what actually is wrong with them. Yet the three friends somehow figure out that they are overworked and all they need is “rest and a complete change”. Seeking a holiday destination Harris suggests that a sea trip is the best way to rest and experience a change but J objects. J contemplates the unpleasant experiences of a sea trip that his brother-in-law had. One of his friends also had similar regretful experiences. George finally comes up with a suggestion of going up the river Thames considering that they would have “fresh air, exercise and quiet” and “the constant change of scene”. The three of them agree to the suggestion and decide to go on a boating holiday. Montmorency‟s dislike for a boat trip The only one who was not on the same page with the three of them was Montmorency. He feels that there is nothing to do for him on a boat trip as he neither cares for scenery and nor smoking. He considered the idea of boating to be a “bally foolishness.”
Ch 2 Plans for boating discussed The three men decide to begin their journey the following Saturday from Kingston. Harris and J are to go down in the morning to take the boat up to Chertsey while George agrees meet them there. Discussions on “camping out” Discussions on whether they should „camp out‟ or sleep in a hotel go on. George and J are in favour of camping out. The narrator accounts for the pleasures of camping out. He praises the natural beauty of the night while camping out. On the contrary, Harris makes a sensible point regarding the difficulties one would face while camping on rainy and stormy nights. According to him, one faces several difficulties as the things that one carries get damp. Fixing up the tent, lighting a fire and arranging food are all part of difficulties that one has to face while camping on a wet damp night. Finally, they decide to camp out only on fine nights and stay at a hotel during a stormy, wet night. Montmorency‟s hail Montmorency, the dog of fox-terrier breed, acclaims this settlement made between the three of them. He does not take delight in “romantic solitude.” Montmorency is too good for this world but is somehow kept back from the mankind. He is shown to be a violent dog as he has killed rats; dozens of chickens and a cat. Montmorency‟s idea of “life” is to collect some “disreputable dogs to be found in the town, and lead them out to march round the slums to fight other disreputable dogs.”
Harris‟ way of accomplishing tasks The three friends get together to make arrangements for their journey. The first thing they start with is to decide on what things are required to be taken along with them on the trip. Harris has the tendency of taking the burden of the work on his shoulders and then passing the buck to other people. Similarities between Harris and J‟s Uncle Podger The narrator compares this habit of Harris with his uncle Podger. Uncle Podger too would take charge of a task and delegate it to people around him and then blame its failure on them. Even for nailing a nail in the wall, he would take hours and still mess things up eventually. The account of uncle Podger is highly amusing and one of the most humorous one in the
book. The description of commotion that uncle Podger creates in the house in order to get a trivial task done is hilarious. J believes Harris to be “just that sort of man when he grows up”. A sensible proposal by George Harris‟ idea of carrying things that he considered to be indispensable is opposed by George. George proposes to carry such things along that are necessary and indispensable. J considers this idea of George to be really sensible. It is better if one‟s boat is like a “homely home” with “simple pleasures, one or two friends, worth the name, someone to love and someone to love you” rather than being a means of show off and ostentations. Besides this, it will be easier to pull the boat against the stream if it is not overloaded with unnecessary stuff. They eventually settle down to carry things that are bare minimum necessities for them.
The question of food – long discussions on oil and cheese They discuss on what food items they require to carry with them. They decide to take methylated spirit instead of paraffine oil for the stove. George suggests not to take cheese along because “cheese, like oil, makes too much of itself.” The narrator is quite fond of cheese and narrates an amusing story wherein he speaks about the advantages of carrying cheese along while travelling. But, they finally agree with George to not to take cheese along. Apart from this, it is decided to take along Whisky rather than beer or wine. Packing expertise of J The narrator acclaims that he is good at packing techniques and would like to take charge of it. He wants to boss the job of packing and while the other two to work under his directions. But on hearing this, Harris and George simply relax while J starts with the packing. The narrator gives a very funny account of his forgetting to pack the toothbrush every time when he travels. The task of packing is taken over by George and Harris later. They mess up everything beginning with breaking a cup to squashing a tomato, stepping up on things, upsetting the salt on everything and sitting on butter. After all this mess and wasting a lot of time, they finally manage to pack the stuff at 12:50. Montmorency‟s awful behaviour Montmorency is keen on being a “perfect nuisance” and to make people go mad at him by throwing things on his head and stumbling over him. His ambition in life is to be “sworn at” (being abused) and be cursed. He feels proud after achieving such „ambitions‟.
Harris and George think that J encouraged Montmorency. But J thinks that the dog naturally has the „original sin‟ that makes him do such things.
The three men getting late in waking up In spite of being sure of getting up at half-past six in the morning, the three of them sleep till nine o‟clock. J is aroused by Mrs. Poppets. He wakes up Harris after which the two get into a verbal fight. Their attention shifts to George when they realize that he is still sleeping and wasting the precious hours of his life. They become determined to „save‟ him by shouting in his ear and to wake him up. Montmorency has invited two other dogs to see him off. The weather forecast George reads out the weather forecast which predicted „rain, cold, wet to fine‟. These were the certain boating dangers that were mentioned in the paper. The narrator expresses his irritation towards weather forecasts which, as per him, are always inaccurate and absolutely contradictory to the reality. He accounts a funny incident in the past when his holiday was ruined as he paid much attention to the weather forecast that reported “heavy showers with thunderstorms”. The day in reality, turned out to be sunny and lively. This morning, too, was a bright and sunny one. The narrator considers the forecast reporting to be a thing of no importance. George now leaves. Leaving for Waterloo Harris and J carry out the luggage and feel ashamed as they end up having a „good deal of luggage. A group of people living near J‟s place come outside after seeing such a bulk of luggage and start passing comments. Biggs‟ boy, an unprincipled errand-boy, says that these men are “going to find Stanley” (Stanley was a Welsh explorer who led an expedition to Africa in search of David Livingstone and found him in 1871). Another man says that they are going to cross the Atlantic. A young and giddy portion of the crowd says that it is a wedding and points out to Harris as the bridegroom. Both of them finally manage to get a cab to Waterloo. They reach Waterloo at eleven to catch a train scheduled at 11:05. They enquire about the whereabouts of the train but no one actually knows the exact location of it. Amusingly, even the engine driver does not know whether the train is heading towards Kingston or not. They bribe the driver half-a-crown and beg him to drive it to Kingston at 11:05. The two of them manage to reach Kingston on time and get on to the waters. Montmorency sits on the front part of the boat and still remains unhappy and suspicious.
Kingston The narrator explains the scenic beauty and the historical significance of Kingston. The scenes of Kingston are described as picturesque, “so bright but calm, so full of life and yet so peaceful.” The narrator comments on the history of Kingston. Caesar, the Roman Statesman and the Queen Elizabeth of England crossed the river. He considers Caesar to be more respectable than Queen Elizabeth as he did not put up at the public houses. He talks about King Edwy who must have hated Kingston as he was made to part from his beloved Elgiva. He later talks about Hampton Court which became the palace of the Tudors and the Stuarts. Observations on life in general The narrator speculates over the desires in a person. “Each person has what he doesn‟t want, and other people have what he does want.” He gives examples of married men who do not need wives, the rich who need kids but die childless and girls who have lovers but do not want them. He recalls a boy, Stivvings, who was at his school, and who was fond of studying but his bad health did not allow him to do so. During his school days, the narrator would long for such an illness so that he could take a break from his studies. Question of antiquity The narrator gives a very funny account of the value of antique things that we consider to be a piece of art in the present times. He thinks that “the prized treasures of today will always be the cheap trifles of the day before”. The things that we don‟t even care for today become pieces of art after four hundred years J forgets the way The narrator forgets that he is steering the boat and loses the direction. They sail the boat past Hampton Court and sail along the old wall that ran along the river. The narrator praises the beauty of the old wall. He wishes to live at a peaceful and quiet place like Hampton Court. On second thought, he considers it to be a dull and depressing place during evenings. Being a human, one wishes to be at a lively place. This is the reason why we love days and feel lonesome at nights. The Hampton Court maze Harris accounts his experience of visiting the Hampton Court maze once. He considered the maze to be too simple to be called a maze. But later, he thinks of it to be a very fine maze.
„The river in its Sunday garb‟
The boat reaches the Moulsey Lock. The narrator describes the scene of the river there on a fine Sunday. The colourful boats are lined up from the Palace up to the Hampton Church. The inhabitants of Hampton and Moulsey, dress themselves up in boating costumes, come out with their dogs, smoke and watch the boats. He regards this scene of the river to be livelier than that of the dull London town. River - an opportunity to dress up J explains his keenness to dress up in certain colour combinations. He considers Harris‟ dressing sense to be ill as he is too rigid to try a new colour combination that would suit him. J thinks the blazer bought by George is too loud. J has a fondness for a good boating costume but the delights of a holiday get spoiled if people think more about their dresses than their trip. He has a notion that girls do not have a sense of “boating costume.” Harris‟s desire to see Mrs. Thomas‟s tomb Harris wants to get down at Hampton Church and visit a certain Mrs. Thomas‟ tomb, a tomb that was considered to be funny. On the contrary, J has no fondness for visiting such places like churchyards. He thought them to be dim and chilly. J mentions an incident when he leant against the wall of a church and was amazed by the lovely landscape around. He felt certain purity deep inside him and a desire to lead a „blameless and beautiful‟ life. A feeling of forgiveness crept up in him. Amidst these beautiful thoughts of J, came an old bald-headed man whose sudden appearance broke J‟s reverie. The man wanted to make J see some graves and sculls. J snapped at him for intruding in the calm and serene thoughts that he was in. Harris, however, takes delight in graves, tombs and monumental inscriptions. He goes mad to see the Mrs. Thomas‟s tomb. He, in fact, mentions that he has come for the trip so that he could get to see Mrs. Thomas‟ tomb. Harris‟ views on George and banks and lemonade J reminds Harris that they need to get the boat up to Shepperton by five o‟clock to meet George. According to Harris, George fools all day about and has left them with the task of rowing the boat. Harris thinks that George wastes time sitting „behind a bit of glass‟ in the bank. Harris feels thirsty and could not find water. He flies off at lemonade and considers it to be „Sunday school-slops‟. He says “they all produced dyspepsia and ruined body and soul alike, and were the cause of half the crime in England.”
Blackmailing at Kempton Park J and Harris stop at a pleasant grass plateau at Kempton Park and begin to have bread and jam. A gentleman comes and inquires if they were trespassing. Looking at Harris‟s physique, the man says that he would go and consult his master and would be back. He never returns as all he wanted was to befool them and earn a shilling out of them. The narrator expresses his disgust against the proprietors who in order to serve their own purposes can go to an extent of closing the River Thames altogether. They nail a notice board on every tree. He wishes to „tear each one down and hammer it over the head of the man who put it up‟. Harris‟s comic songs Harris has a „fixed idea‟ that he can sing a comic song but his friends think that „he can‟t and never will be able to‟. When he is asked to sing at a party, he messes the song up confusing one song with another, confuses the pianist and forgets the lyrics every now and then. This reminds J of a curious incident when two German fellows created an awkward situation for all the Englishmen present in the party. They said they would invite Herr Slossenn Boschen to sing the funniest song that they had ever listened to. When Herr Slossenn began, the prelude did not seem to be comic but thinking it to be a German method, all the Englishmen began to follow the two gentlemen and laughed and roared as the song continued. Eventually, they came to know that it was a very serious and soulful song and the two gentlemen had played a trick and slipped out of the party quietly. Moving further They reach Sunbury Lock where the backwater is charming but J suggests never to row up the river there as he has had a bad experience rowing up there once. Then they move towards Walton. He again cites the examples of Caesar and Queen Elizabeth being at Walton. One couldn‟t “choke Caesar off that river.” Then come Oatlands Park, Corway Stakes, Halliford and Shepperton and Weyland. J provides us with a brief history of the towns and villages that they pass through and the various notable figures associated with them. George bought a banjo Meeting George at the Lock, Harris and J see him carrying a banjo, a guitar like musical instrument. George says that it is in fashion to play banjo and that he will learn it from the instruction book.
George made to work Harris assigns work to George and says that for a change George should work as a change is good for everyone. George is given the tow-line (a rope to tow the boat). J thinks that to work with a tow-line is not an easy task as it gets entangled very easily. Moreover, the person at the bank thinks that the fault lies with the man who rolled it up; and the man up the river thinks that the man on the bank created the mess. Funny incidents of towing a boat J narrates some funny incidents related to towing of boats. One of the most common and funny, he says, is of two towers walking briskly and having a deep animated conversation while the man in the boat is shouting and shrieking to stop them. Another incident cited by George was that of a young-man and a young-woman who towed a wrong boat while they were in a thoughtful sadness. So, the narrator suggests that it is always better to let one person tow. When girls are at work of towing a boat, they create a blunder. According to the narrator, three girls are required at a time to tow a boat. They would stop in the middle of it, giggle, get their shawls and forget about the boat amidst all this. George finally gets the tow-line right and tows them to Penton Hook.
Camping on board After George tows them to Penton Hook, they discuss the important question of camping. They had earlier decided to sleep on board that night. But they settle to push straight on for Runnymead seeking a good shelter. It‟s only later they feel that it would have been better if they had stopped at Penton Hook itself as they are totally worn out. Covering a distance of even threefour miles seems a very difficult task at the end of a long day. J recollects a similar incident when he was with his cousin pulling down to Goring. They wanted to stop and have a supper at Wallingford lock. Following the map, they continued rowing endlessly till the night fell but the lock wasn‟t to be seen anywhere. Both of them felt scared in the gloomy night. Finally, they heard a melodious music and took a breath of relief. A boat came alongside in which a group of people who informed them that there isn‟t any Wallingford lock since a year.
First night on the waters Initially the three of them wish to go to Magna Charta Island but later they content themselves with “a bit of water between a coal-barge and a gas-works” and pull up to the „Picnic Point‟. Putting up a canvas They realise that putting up of the canvas is not as easy as it seemed. Fitting the hoops in their socket comes out to be an immensely difficult task and when they finish fitting them, they come to know that they were the wrong hoops. Pulling them out becomes another huge
task. While covering the hoops with canvas, Harris and George entangle themselves. Laboring for another half an hour, they finally succeed in fixing it up. They go for supper, thereafter. Narrator suggests that while placing the kettle to boil, one should never wait for it anxiously. He suggests an amusing way of standing near the kettle and crying out loud that you don‟t need any tea. The kettle then boils over. A discourse on importance of food The three men feel the ultimate satisfaction after having food. J describes how contented one feels when the stomach is satisfied. He gives a discourse on the “domination of our intellect by our digestive organs.” He considers humans to be „slaves of their stomach‟. A funny incident narrated by George George narrates a funny incident that happened to his father. His father stayed at an inn with his
