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Our fomilies, Jim Lemmer, Deboroh Lowyer, Theophilus, Poul Schlegel,
How to Succeed with Women (1998, Prentice-Holl
Pele, Hotcher, Mike Krokolovich, Gene Brissey, Chod Gorcio,
Press)
How lo Succeed with Men (2000, Prentice-Holl Press)
Kirk Bromley, A. Gile, Dr. K, Scotlworld, Cliff Borry Allen Thompson,
Ihe Sex Lover's Book of
Kristyn Kolnes, Chip Rowe, Leslie lshige, Suson Shermon, Mohommed
Lists
t2001, Prentice-Holl
The Moslery Progrom: Your Step By St
p
Course
Press)
in
Ali, Dmitri Bilgere, Roon Koufrnon, ond Koren Krizonovich.
Meeting, Flirting
wilh, Doting ond Seducing the Women of Your Dreoms (Mostery Technologies, lnc., 2001
We'd olso like to thonk our friends ot Ployboy, Moxim,
)
Stuff,
Cosmopoliton, Ployboy, Men's Heolth, Men's Fitness, ond YM mogo-
The lnlernet Seduction Talkit (Mostery Technologies, lnc., 2001)
zines. Also to our friends ot
Avercoming ffie Nice Guy Syndrome: How to Stop Being Shy with-
fie
Som Adoms Breweqy-thonks for the
good times!
out Bxoming o Je*Audio Course (Mostery Technologies, lnc., 20021 Doting odvice ond free newsletter ot www. howtosucceedwithwomen.com
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We'd like to thonk you for reoding this book. To listen to o new, nottronscribed-in-this-book reol-life exomple of Louis & Copelond using
The How to Talk to Women Companion CD
these flirting skills, go to
You moy be interested in the How to Tolk to Women Companion CD. To moke this CD, we brought women into ihe studio ond flirted with
http://www. howlosucceedwithwomen.com/tol k
them, creoting Romontic Conversotions using the techniques from this
book. We then odded our commentory ond "ploy by ploy'' so you cqn heor whot we ore thinking, ond how we ore deciding our nexl streps os we do it! Check outwwwhowtosucceedwithwomen.com/tolk to find out more obout this useful product!
n
@ Copyright (2002) Mostery Technologies, lnc.
ItBlE
All rights reserved. No port of this book moy be reproduced in ony monner
0F C0ll[BllE$
whotever, including informotion storoge, or retrievol, in whole or in port (except for brief quototions in orticles or reviews), without written permission
lntroduction
from the publisher.
cilaDEel| I MosteryTechnologies, P.O. Box 55094, Modison,
Wl
ll
cilaDEBn 2
The Hi Progrom & Vitolity
55
c[aDmP
3
The lnner Gome of Tqlking lo Women
77
SnaDEEn
I
Hondling Ponic ond Reiection
53705
Emqil:
[email protected]
Web: www. howtosucceedwithwomen.com
Louis, Ron
How to tolk to women
/
Ron Louis & Dovid Copelond.
l st ed.
-
p.cm.
r0r
cilaDEEn 5
Flirting,'lVhol,s the Story Behind Thot?"
127
l.
cilflp[Gl|
Romontic Moves, Goodbye lntroduction
141
Situotionol Flirting
163
Deepening
l8'l
c[aDE8F g
Advonced Deepening
205
0[tD[8I
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Romontic Questions, Port
c[00[0||
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Romontic Questions, Port 2
261
cil0DE0||
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Toking Tolking Further
293
Conclusion
313
HA80r .168 2002
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646.7',7
oBr33-726 printing 2002
Printed in Conodo
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cltSDE0I t$
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Around Women
rsBN 0-971 9076-0-9
Doting (sociol customs)-United Stotes. 2. Women United Stotes- Psychology. 3. mon -womon relotionships United Stotes. 4. lnterpersonol communicostion - United Stotes. L Copelond, Dovid, 1963- ll. Tide.
First
lnterrupting Women, Risk, Curiosity ond Self-Expression
For more informotion write to:
&,.
1
239
lllil'0[ll0il0ll Mony men ore iust one skill owoy from hoving the kind of interoctions with women thot they wont. Jocob wos on exomple of this. Thirty-four yeors old,
successfi.rl
in his business, fit ond o shor;c dresser, he didn't understrcnd
why he wosn't more some
successful with women. He noticed thot his
of whom were sloppier, fotter ond
friends-
less finonciolly successful-
seemed to be oble trc get women, but somehow he couldn't. He could tolk
tc women but olwoys ended up "iust friends." h wos discouroging.
Jocob thought he wqs miles ond miles owoy from his gool of being successful with women; in focf, he wosn'l. He hod iust obout every skill he
needed to succeed with women ond o lot more, but he didn't know how
to tolk to women so they felt he wos "romontic moteriol." Thot wos the one skill he wos missing. Once we tought him the bosic Flirting Moves
ond the skills of tolking to women, his level of success with them rose dromoiicolly.
You moy hove
wondered
if
o similor problem. Secretly, like Jocob, you moy hove
there wos something wrong with you. You moy hove
thought thot there's something obout you thot you couldn't see but thot women could which drove them owoy. Or, like Jocob, you moy feor thot you hove some bosic flow *rot continuolly
sets
you up lo be "iust friends"
wilh women.
The good news is thot nothing could be further from the hulh. Sure,
you've got problems. Eveqybody does. But os you've probobly seen,
t
plcnty of men with more problems thon you succeed with women. The
lll}lll $0 $ls T{ ls{t|l,en
tr*sr!!*{iB&ifti
good news is lhere's no bosic flow inside of you thot keeps you from hoving the relotionship you desire. lf you con communicote ot oll, you con creote romontic connections
wifi
women. You moy simply be one
skillowoy.
ullau u0ll'11 $al|ll tl'0ln IllH 800[ ln Chopter
l,
you'll leorn obout whot it tokes to initiote interqctions with
women. You'll leorn obout the imporlonce of "interrupting" women ond
being oble to redirect their ottenlion toword you. Mosl men foil ot this When you're one skill owoy from being o good seducer,you're like o cor
with one flot tire. A cor with one flot tire drives os though it hos something seriously wrong with it. lt's impossible to control, the ride is rough, ond chonces ore you'll never gel where you wont to go in it. Driving it,
you'd be likely to conclude thot it hos serious, serious problems.
becouse
fiey don't know whot lo do once they hove o womon's otten-
tion; don't worry, we'll cover thot, too. You'll olso leorn qbout opportunities ond the surprising lruth thot not toking opportunilies with women
con noturolly leod to toking them, if you do it our woy. You'll leorn obout curiosity ond how you con top inlo your noturol curiosity with o womqn to eosily creote slress-free conversotions in which you both experience o
Once you reolize thot the problem is o flot tire, though, you see thot iust
reql connection with eqch other.
becouse the problem wos noticeoble didn't necessorily meon thot it wos
fotol. By fixing the how to do
it-you
flot-o
simple l0-minute procedure once you know
tronsform the entire cor ond con gel where you wont
to go eosily.
ln Chopbr
2,you'll leorn obout the Hi Progrom, which
is the perfoct ploce
to sicrt building your skills in tolking to women. You'll olso leorn woys
increose your sense of vitolity ond excitement with women, including simple woys to moke the sound of your voice something
When Jocob leorned thot the flot tire in his doting system wos his inobility to tolk
trc
women improved instontly. He hod the missing piece ond wos qble to seduce women.
women
enioy heoring.
However, only knowing whot to soy to women is not enough. You must
olso understond the "inner gome" of tolking to women, or you won't be oble to get yourself to toke oction with them. ln Chopter 3, you'll leorn
how Your problems, loo, moy not be os big os you thought.
A simple
set of
new skills moy moke oll the difference. lf you've ever leorned ony skill then you con leorn how to tolk to women; you've simply never been tought how before. l/s like leorning ony new procedure. Once you mos-
fie
fiol
women in o woy thot mode them think romontic thoughts
obout him, he wos oble to correcl the problem ond his interoctions with
ter
irc
bosics, the rest seems eosy. This book will teoch you whot you
need to know
trc
overcome your tendencies toword being defensive with women
ond opologizing for your inlerest in them, os well os woys of communi-
coting with women thot don't require worrying or strotegizing. ln Chopter
4, yov'll
enhonce your grosp
of the inner gome of tolking to
women by leorning once ond for oll how to overcome the feor of being
rciected by women. You'll olso leorn how
to hondle ponic oround
womon so you con use the skills in this book, even if you gel nervous.
fi8llr t0
nfi
10
lgom8n
ln Chopter 5, you'll leorn how lo leveroge the hidden seduciive power
whol she's possionote obout. Deepening ollows q womon to open up to
of the simple queslion "Whofs the story behind thot?" You'll olso leorn
you right owoy in o woy she moy nol open up to mony people in her
the three time-fromes of on interoction with o womon so you'll olwoys
life. You'll leorn how to use Deepening to odmire o womon's possions,
know how much you need to risk with o womon ol ony given momenl.
which mony other people moy never see, lhus creoting o deep connection between you. You'll reod numerous octuol tronscripts of us hoving
ln Chopter 6, you'll leorn obout the Romontic Moves thot ore o criticol
Deepening Conversolions with reol women olongside our comments on
port of tolking seduclively wilh women. You'll leorn obout looking inio o
these exomples, so you con leorn how to opply this skill in your own li[e.
womon's eyes "too long," checking out her body so she feels complimented, winking
ot her ond more. You'll leorn how o mqn who does
ln Chopters
l0 ond 't I , you'll ieorn obout
osking Romontic Questions
o
ond conducting Romontic Conversotions. You'll leorn how to
osk
womon, ond you'll leorn why o womon lends to put o mon who mokes
Romontic Questions in woys thot don't seem corny or intrusive but
$ol
these Romontic Moves olmost never ends
up "iust friends" with
these moves into the potentiol lover cotegory
in her mind. You'll olso
move lhe conversolion in
o
romontic direction. You'll reod numerous
leorn the Goodbye lntroduction, which is o simple, powerful, romontic
octuol tronscripts of us osking Romonlic Questions ond conducting
ond incredibly low-risk woy lo infoduce yourself to beoutiful women.
Romonlic Conversolions. Our comments on these exomples will help you
leorn to proctice these skills when you flirt ond go on dotes.
ln Chopter 7, yov'll leorn the specifics of Situotionol Fli*ing. You moy hove noticed lhot men who ore successfi.rlwith women ore often good ot
ln Choptrer 12, you'll leorn obout toking tolking further: moving from o
ioking oround with women. They ore oble to kid with women obout dif-
flirting conversolion to getting o womon's phone number ond emoil
brenl ospects of he situotions thot they find themselves in or obout obiects
oddress to setting up o dote. You'll olso leorn importont secrets obout
in the immedioie environment. This is Situotionol Fli*ing. ln Choflrer 7,
going for the first
kiss.
you'll leorn the specific sleps of ioking oround with women ond wcys of
will hove on entire tool-
creoting romonlic, flirutious running iokes. You'll see specific exomples of
By the time you're through with this book, you
Situotionol Flirting ond leorn how tc do it yourself with the women you
box for tolking lo women in romonlic, flirtotious ond fun woys. These
encounler.
skills ore specific ond they ore leqrnqble. With procfice, you will be oble
b
use them successfully.
ln Chopters 8 ond 9, you'll leorn how to use the incredibly powerful romonlic conversotion tool colled Deepening. Deepening is o converso-
tionol mode thot ollows you to get into o womqn's world ond find out
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Extroverted communicoicrs odore being the center
of ottention.
They
oren'l necessorily scored to tolk to women, but they often don'l know whot trc soy. They
There ore two types of communicotors. You must figure out which type
often think thot the woy trc seduce o womon is trc turn up the
volume of their personolity. This is whot the introverted communicotor
of communicotor you ore, becouse eoch type must proctice ond use the
needs trc
skills in this book differently.
do-but for the extroverted
communicoicr; il's o reol mistrrke.
lf you're on exlroverled communicolor, ky listening more, tolking more solty ond chilling out. Don't try so hord. ln short, the exlroverted com-
rflB lll[l|0uG||leD $0ln|nllnruam||
municotor doesn'l need to worry obout turning himself up; he needs to
worry obout toning himself down.
Most of our studenls, ond most of lhe men who ore ottrocled lo our work,
ore inlroverled communicotors. These ore men who cotegorize themselves os shy. They hove
As you reod this book, keep in mind which type of communicotor you
o hord time tolking with women ond ore more
likely to end up o wollflower thon the
lih of the porty. These
ore. This will influence your decisions obout how oggressively you
men often
use
this moteriol.
hove no clue qbout whot to soy lo women ond need lo slort very slowly, toking one smoll slep ot o lime ond building from there.
0ll[ llt0[fi
The primoqy chollenge for the introverled communicotor is leorning to express himself. He needs
percenl. He needs
lo intensify ond escolote his signols by 500
ic focus on tolking more loudly, moking more
We ore olso the quthors of the book How lo Succeed wilh Women.Thql
eye
book provides o slep-by-step opprooch to finding, meeting, doting ond
conloct, overcoming his shyness, being curious, osking queslions, show-
seducing women ond hos been veqy successful. The one thing thot wos
ing romontic interest ond toking risks. ln short, he doesn't need to worry
missing from How
obout toning himself down; he needs to worry obout turning himself up.
to
Succeed
wilh Women, however, wos detoiled
informolion on how to tolk to women. We hod o few porogrophs on the
bpic, but thoi wos not enough.
ile
Hr[1|0u0l|m[ c0nlnffilcauol|
This book rectifies thol problem ond exhoustively explores the lopic of
tolking to women. Whot it does not do is repeot the informotion from
The extroverted communicotor tends to be enthusiostic, silly ond fun. These ore often men who involve lots of interoctions
How to Succeed with Women lf you wont lo leorn obout where to meet
ore in soles, teoching or other fields thot
wifi
women, seiling up successful Priming Dotes ond Seduction Dotes, hon-
people.
urllu
ftouborlllo$dulbigQHns** . .
&..
uuu,ltul!fl!0niufi[ut0mrmtf,,|tfi
[0u !0 tillft lu lfl0lnsll 'llsi,*$i!*ai*'i
dling the problems ond trouble women couse, getting the first kiss, proceeding to sex with women ond
o lol more, we
We olso do one-on-one doting cooching with o select group of highly
suggest you get thot
motivoted men. lf you ore interested, emoil us ot Authors@howtosuc-
book.
ceedwithwomen.com.
We ore olso the creotors of o step-by-step 32-doy oudio course, The
You con find out obout ony of our products ond services, sign up for our
Maslery Program, which you might be interesled in. This course, ovoil-
free emoil newsletter ond leorn more obout seduction by visiting our
oble on 16 CDs
or 16 cossettes,
lokes you doy by doy through o pro-
web site ot www.howtosucceedwithwomen.com. You con emoil us ot
Our U.S. moil oddress is
grom designed to instoll the doting fundomentols in your life ond help
[email protected].
you tolk to ond be successful with women. For more informotion on The
MosteryTechnologies, P.O. Box 55094, Modison, W|53705.
Mostery Progrom, check out our web site, www.howlosucceedwithwomen.com, or write us of the oddresses below
You olso moy be inleresled
in our
4-cossette
And now, pleose enioy How lo Talk lo Women.
or 4-CD course,
Overcoming ffie 'Nice Guy' Syndrome: How to Stop being Shy withoul Becoming a Jerk.ln this progrom you
exercises thot
will leorn skills ond porticipote in
will help you overcome being shy, ond ollow you to feel
good obout showing your romonlic interest lo women.
And, of course, you might be interested in the How to Talk lo Women CD. To moke this compocl disc, we brought women into the studio ond
flirted with them, creoting Romontic Conversolions using the techniques you will leorn in this book. We then went over lhese conversotions ond odded our commentory ond "ploy by ploy" so you con heor us flirting
with women, ond olso leorn whot we ore thinking ond how we ore deciding our next sleps os we do it! These Romontic Conversotions ore
oll new. While the techniques we use ore tought in this book, fie conversotions on the CD ore not lrqnscribed in it. Check oul www.howto-
succeedwithwomen.com/tolk to find out more obout this useful product!
lr
cllil[0l'r ilt[Et't'ltD[lllg u0ln8ll, Rt$fi, cllll0$Iru
ilil $$m-Hlpl'$ff$l0ll
lf you ore like most of our sfudenls, tolking to women seems complicoted, confusing ond difficult. Yes, there will be chollenges os you leorn to tolk to women, but if you're willing to slort ot the beginning ond do the
work involved, over time you'll succeed. Unfodunotel, mony of us think thot
fie
best woy to
go obout leorning is to skip the first slep, or even
the first few steps, ond to go directly lo "lhe good stuff." Building o firm
foundotion in the first few simple steps of tolking to women will help dromoiicolly once you stort opplying those steps to the more complex skills we will present loter in this book.
A bod seducer-let's coll him Bob-hos trouble becouse he hosn't mqstered the bosics. lf you ore like Bob, you wont to ovoid soying hi to women, ond you only wont to osk the one fool-proof (ond mythicol) seduction question thot
will moke ony womon strip ond hove sex with
you in 30 seconds or less. lf you ore like Bob, you expect to overcome 25 yeors of shyness ond foilure with women ofter reoding five poges of this book.
We wish we could teoch you thot one question thot would get ony womon to foll in love wifh you ond hove sex with you in 30 seconds or less. We wish we could help you overcome feor ond shyness oher reod-
,a.'*A'
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ll0u, $0lalll ls lts8len ',lgl:Fr8$&i'lE
ing five poges of this book*butwe con'i. We con, however, teoch you
The some goes for "Just go tolk to her." We've oll been given this lome
o series of progressive steps you con use to leorn to tolk
women. We
odvice, but most of us hove no clue whot fo tolk to o womqn obout. The
con teoch you questions, opprooches ond conversotionol modes thot will
o$er doy, o shockingly beoutiful young womon we know wos wonder-
help you be seducilve-but you must be willing to stort ot the beginning.
ing oloud to us why our books, oudio courses ond other moteriol ore
Once ogoin: lf you wont fic become good ot tolking ic women*thot is, if
necessory ot oll.
you wont to leorn how
trc
trc
tolk to women seductively-you hwe trc stort ot
'All you hove to do is go up to people ond tolk ond
iust
be yourself," she told us. "lt olwoys works for me!" As she soid this, her
full breosts rose ond fellwith eoch breoth ond her beoutiful blonde hoir
the beginning.
swoyed os she moved her heod. Seducing women by tolking to them is
o process. The first step of thot
process is onswering the question "How do you get thot initiol conloct
We olso know o mon who is o model in o lorge city. When we go out
with o womon?" Aftrer we hove onswered thot question, we will go on to
with him, we're olwoys omozed*hol women opprooch him ond give
leorn woys of tolking with her, woys of flirting with her ond woys of con-
him their phone numbers. He olso likes to tell us his "secrel": "Just be
strucling ond conducling romonlic, seductive conversotions. Get
yourself qnd tolk
trc
women! lt's reolly not o big deql!"
reody-this plone's obout to toke off. Obviously, both these people moke most of us wont to vomit with roge. You don't hove to work hord ot leorning how to tolk to the opposile sex
'illlffi
BB
if you ore in the top .01 percent of beoutiful people; if you're thot hot,
u0llr$$F"
the world will beot o poth to your door. For the rest of us, lhere ore spe-
We
hotre
lrite, useless odvice like "Just be yourselP' or "Just go tolk to
her!" This kind of odvice is worse thon useless becouse it offers nothing
cific skills to leorn, which ore much more effective thon "Just be yourselP'
ond "Just go tolk lo her."
specific to do yet leoves you feeling bod obout yourself for not following
it. Sure, being yourself is o good thing, but how should you do thot with
Our work hos olwoys been obout breoking complex sociql interoctions
women? More specificolly, which port of yourself should you be? We oll
infic teochoble steps so lhose who employ our methods con succeed. Our
weor mony hots in our lives. When you opprooch o womon, should you
ctudents hove discovered
be the self you ore ot work? The self you ore ot church? The self you ore
when they've leorned lo use this moteriol. We'll stort smoll, so thot no
ot o strip club? We oll need lo cultivote the romontic ports of ourselves-
mqller how shy you hove been, no motler how shut down you've been,
the ports thot ore noturolly fun ond seducfive, but iusl soying you should
no motter how mony problems you've hod with women, you will be oble
do so is nol enough. lf iust being yourself hod worked, you wouldn't be
b bke
reoding this book. "Just be yourselP' is pretty worthless odvica.
I
llruur[!utw$mn
o new level of eose ond freedom with women
oction ond move forword.
ll0r,l
te leli ln
lil&|'r}'l!i3*ii;* igtl':r*:!1. *!s&. 8ii,ri{itli&s
lly8|n*n
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We remember how hord it wos to tolk to women ond how much couroge
When we soy thot you should be selFexpressed, this olso meons thot you
it took for us to lronsform our skills ond our obilities. We remember how
must find your own woy with the moteriol in this book. None of our
we wished we hod help in figuring out whqt to do, ond we remember
books or oudio courses ore designed to be o set of rules lo box you in.
how we hod to stort with very smoll steps before we could move on to
We oll hove different opprooches with this moleriol-even we, Ron Louis
longer conversotions. We hod to figure out tolking to women firough
ond Dovid Copelond, hove very different opprooches from one onoth-
triol ond error. At first we constontly foiled. We were eoch os uncom-
er. We ogree on the fundomentols bui we opprooch them differently.
fortoble ond owkword when tolking to women os ony guy we've ever met. We foiled more often thon you've foiled, ond we mode fools out of
The moin commonolity omong oll effective seducers is thot eoch
time-but we stuck with it ond tronsformed our dot-
embroces his unique opprooch ond style. The best woy for you to com-
ing lives. We mention this not to tool our own horns but to give you
municote with women is to find your unique style. Otherwise you'll seem
hope. No motler where you ore in your life, no motler how little experi-
foke qnd feel qwkwqrd when tolking lo women.
ourselves time ofter
ence you hove with women, there is hope. You con leorn to seduce
o second ond look ol the opposite of selFexpression:
women. You con leorn how to tolk to women. And you con hove the suc-
l-e/s digress for
cess you wonl.
withholding, feeling bottled up ond unoble to tolk to women. We've
bund thot men ore most upset, frustroted ond ploin ol' nuts when they oren't self-expressed. Not getting loid doesn't drive guys nuts; o guy con
go months without getting loid. Whot drives men nuts is nol interocting
$0lF-HtD]|B$$nll
wiih women, not tolking lo women, hiding oul ol home ond not being in
lhc gome. Whot drives men nuls is hoving the desire to moke conlocl
You con'l be on effective seducer unless you feel self-expressed oround
women.
A mon who is self-expressed hos chorocter. By thot we
wilh women ond not doing onything obout it.
meon
thot he's on individuolwho follows his own poth. He feels confideni mok-
ing decisions obout where he wonts to toke his life. He embroces fie
Avoiding the risks of life drives men crozy-not foiling or being reiect-
woys in which he is similor to os well os ihe woys in which he is differ-
rd, When you're engoged in life, toking
enl from others. He is oble to be himself without being overly concerned
womon, women will find you ottroclive. Whot foils every time, however,
obod how women will respond-ond he's not tqying to control or fix
lr rioying on the sidelines of life feeling bottled up ond depressed.
women. He is outhentic ond honest. He doesn'l squelch himself, suppress himself or hide from life.
ururuiou!firylq[lfl
_,.
$ru$il|uil[[umil,!on/ilI
risks ond interocting with
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ln o certoin sense/ you ore interrupting women on o deeper ond deeper level with every stoge of o seduclion. You inlerrupt her when you first
Your first tosk on the poth to becoming o seducer is lo underslond ond
soy hi to her. You inlerrupt her on increosingly deeper levels when you
occepl thot you, the mon, ore going to hove to interrupt women in order
tolk for the first lime, when you osk for her number ond emoil oddress,
to get their ottention ond stort o conversolion.
when you hove Romontic Conversotions, when you osk her for ond conduct the first dote, when you go for the first kiss ond so on. You ore
Le/s exomine the word "intrerruption." h's o horsh word. Most of us osso-
olwoys interrupting her ond initioting something deeper. The burden of
ciole interrupting people with being rude, obnoxious or disrespectful.
initioting ond interrupting women will be on your shoulders until you
For mony of us, this is especiolly true regording interrupting women.
die. The tools in this book will help you corry thot lood. ln foct, they con
When we soy interruplion, we don't meqn to imply being rude or
turn this burden into o boon for you
obnoxious ot oll. We use the word inlerruption, though, becouse it com-
oreo of your life.
-
not iusl with women but with every
municoles o horsh truth obout tolking to women: when you first interoct
with o womon, you will probobly hove lo do something specific to direct her otlenlion owoy from whotever else is going on in her life ond toword
lllilu ca]lt u0ln81l n[El|l|llD[ u0ll?
you. You ore going to hove to toke some oclion-though os you will see it doesn't hove to be o big oction-to get her ottention. There's forcefulness oboul the
word interruption thot describes the energy you will need
Sometimes o mon
will osk us, '!Vhy should I risk reiection? lsn'l this the
oge of equolity? Why don't women initiote with me, ond interrupt me?"
to do this.
You know, it/s funny-women tolk
o lot obout how men don't feel
As you hove no doubt noticed, women ore usuolly not thinking obout
enough. They comploin thoi men oren't more sensilive ond bemoon how
you. They ore off in their own world, on their own vector, in their own
oll thot "mole privilege" ond "mole power" hove mode men shut down
flow. Hot women ore not likely to come up to you ond soy, "Hey, yov
emotionolly. Well, you know the truth os well os we do. Men's egos
look like on interesting guy. lwould love to hove o conversolion with you
oren'l o mess becouse men ore so oll-powerful or becouse men live lives
ond then seduce you." Therefore, if you ore going to interoct with
of
women, your first tosk is to get their ottention. And you get their otten-
becouse they don't hove ony tools for hondling relection, ond they hove
tion by interrupting fiem.
tc throw their ego in the sewer every lime they opprooch-ond
complete ond totol privilege qnd eose. Men's egos ore
bcing reiected
by-o
o mess
womon. So of course men oren'l going to be emo-
tionolly sensitive. Constonl reiection mokes you wont to be o little cmotionolly sensitive, right? Whot on oslonishing surprise.
:
risk
less
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18
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i't[,df':'Uirl*iii, W!,'ltif;1. frlH- r{i]'lUlili:{ ilil0
!Sifuipfft5lttl:
Here's the bottom line: women don'l opprooch you becouse doting is not
leorn o little obout o few core concepls: the numbers gome, opporluni-
foir. Thot's why. They don't wonl to throw their egos in the sewer, ond
lies not token, ond giving ond receiving risks.
they don't hove io becouse they're women. They ore ollowed to demond
equolity os much os they wont ond still leove oll the risking of initiotion to you (ot leost in the eorly ports of doting).
ffi0 ]lll]llB0F$ 0alnB
We suggest thot you occepl thot this is the woy it is qnd thot insteod of
As you leorn to interrupt ond initiote with women, you must remember
being upset obout it, you reolize thot this octuolly gives you o certoin
rhot oll your interoctions with women bosicolly boil down lo o numbers
kind of power. lf you hove to do oll the interrupting ond initioting, you
gome. A certoin omounl of the time you will succeed; the resl of the time
gei to soy when you will opprooch o womon. You get to soy when you
you won't. The greot thing is thot if you hove enough interocfions, your
will osk her ouf you get to soy when you will fli* with her. Once you
success is oll but qssured.
stort seeing thot hoving to do oll the initioting ond hoving to toke oll the
':i
l:l
lfs like the insuronce solesmon who knows thot he needs to moke 75
risks gives you the power to go ofter whot you wonl, lhe fqct fhot women
don't hove to initiote with men will not bother you so much.
& wr
Okoy, our little men's rights speech is over. We ogree thot you hove
i.-!
,:i
cold colls to get one oppointment ond thot it trckes four oppointments to get one sole. Therefore, he knows thqt he needs to moke 300 cold colls,
give or toke, lo get one sole. He knows ifs o numbers gome ond thot oll
every right to be mod obout this stote of offoirs-but stoying mod does-
he hos to do is to continue moking those colls. Eventuolly the numbers
n't work. lt won't get you the girl. The good news is thqt when you know
willwork in his fovor ond he'll mqke o sole. With women, it might toke
how
trc
toke the proper risks with women, one step ot o time, you don't
l0
interruplions to get one conversotion, 10 conversotions to gel one
l0
hove to shut down your emotions ond become on unfeeling ierk in order
phone number qnd
lo initiqte with women. And once you know how to do it, you'll be qble
becouse eqch "foiled" interoction brings you closer trc success.
numbers to get one dote. This is good to know
to go ofter the women you wont with o lot more freedom thon most women feel they hove lo go ofter the men they desire.
ln How lo
Succeed
wilh Women, we wrote time ond ogoin fiot doting
ir o numbers gqme. We're soying it ogoin now. l/s empowering to know Your obility to initiote with ond interrupt women is criticol. Everything in
thot doting is o numbers gome becouse knowing thot will help keep you
this book is built on thot skill. Successful seducers understond the stoges
going ficword your eventuol success. Every time on interruption or initi-
of seduction ond ore willing lo stort ot the beginning. Before we give you
otion with o womon doesn't work, remind yourself thot
specific woys to stort inlerrupting women, it
I
will be helpful for you to
uuuhoutirnrtlltl
fiot
inlcrrupiion brings you one step closer to the inevitoble success.
"fqiled"
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The key difference between successful seducers ond unsuccessful ones is
o numbers gome ond
ties but don'l yet hqve the obility to trrke them. lf you ollow yourself to let
keep going no
thot be okoy, in time you simply find yourself storting to toke those oppor-
motler whot. Unsuccessful seducers whine to their friends, hide in their
tunities thot life presents to you. Howeve4 if you beot yourself up for not
bedrooms or feel upset ond give up opprooching women entirely. Troin
trcking opportunities, this sequence is disrupted. Beoting yourself up for not
yourself to see thqt opprooching women is o numbers gome.
toking opporlunities iust mokes it horder to see ond trcke them in the future.
thot the successful ones know il's
People who troin group focilitotors know thot this is true. At first, students
0DD0rullnEn$ ll0[ rflfi0ll
moy hwe no ideo ot oll obout how to leod o certoin type of process in
o group; they simply wotch in owe qs other people leod. ln time, they Men olten feel bod obout themselves when they see on opportunity to
stort to understond how to leod but they don't quite know the process
opprooch or tolk to o womon ond they don't toke it. They don't toke the
well enough to step oul ond octuolly leod; they wotch from the sidelines,
opportunity becouse they ore scored or upset or becouse they simply
full of good ideos obout how they would leod o process but not quite
don't know whot to soy. This leods to missed opportunities ond plenty of
reody to toke chorge themselves. lf they ollow this to hoppen without
good old-foshioned self-criticism. "l wos such on idiot not to tolk to her,"
beoting up on themselves, in time they simply nolice thot they ore step-
hese guys will soy tc themselves. 'Whot o moron I om. I con't believe how
ping out ond leoding*ond nothing speciol needs to hoppen for thot to
stupid I wos not to tolk to her. lt wos o perfe'ct opportunity. She wos so hot.
occur. lf they beot lhemselves up, however, they stoll the entire leorning
l'll probobly never gel on opportunity like thot ogoin, ond I blew itl"
process ond moke it horder to toke oction when the time comes.
There ore lots of times in life when beoting up on yourself to get your-
Once you breok the link between seeing on opportunity ond feeling bod
o good ideo. There ore lots of times when it
obout not toking it, you cqn breok the hold thot this cycle hos over you.
works. Unbrtunotely, this is not one of those times. When you don't toke
Wc suggest thot you let yourself go through o phose of purposely not
on opportunity with o womon ond then punish yourself for not toking it,
toking opportunities with women. Just observe them ond let yourself feel
you lusl ottoch o lot of poin to the whole ideo of toking opportunities to
good obout yourself even when you oren't toking them. Soy lo yourself,
tolk to women. This mokes you less likely to tolk to o womon the next
'l'm oble to see opportunifies, ond
time on opporfunify comes up/ nol more.
opporfunities loter." ln time, your nervous
self to behove better is
thot/s
on importont step. l'll toke
systrem
will be so used to spot-
llng opportunities thot it will be much eosier to trrke them. There's o sequence in the woy most men treot opportunities with women. First, you don'l see opporfunities ot oll. h seems like there ore no women
Sroing opportunities to interruptwomen is o little like slowing down reol-
on his plonet for you
lly, Wc hod o studenl who wos on experi in the field of stock troding.
t
trc interoct
with. Second, you stort to see opporfuni-
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He wos oble to see ond toke odvontoge of finonciol opportunities thot
with. They ore ofroid thot if they toke o risk, the womon will be upset,
just seemed to flosh by too quickly for us to see or understond whot wos
offended or emotionolly domoged in some woy.
hoppening. He hod o completely different relotionship with morkets thon
we did. To us, the stock morkels ore iust one big mess; we con't
see
For ihese men, the opporent onswer to both of these problems
is
opportunities in them. Becouse of his yeors of experience wotching the
decreosing risk ond increosing control over their interoctions with
morkel, this guy wos oble to slow things down. He told us thot he did
women. They stort looking for the foolproof, olwoys-completely-in-con-
this by not beoting himself up when he missed opportunities. This is whot
trol, no-risk system for seducing women. Like o bod solesmon who seeks
you must do too.
thot "mogic close" thot will force o customer to buy, buy,buy, o guy who
con't risk with women will look for psychologicol tools thot con force o womon to be ottrocted to him. He'll buy pig-pheromone colognes, hop-
0rurils
ing the scent will owoken o womon's inner vixen. He'll ploy "subliminol
all[ R$c$M|lg RHil$
seduclion" oudiotopes for her, hoping it will somehow creote chemistqy
ln this book we ore going to teoch you effuctive trcols thot con help you
hwe
between them.
Or he'll tqy to leorn hypnosis, hoping to use it to bom-
deep, romontic ond seductive conversotions with women. But lc wield these
boozle o womon into toking her ponts off. He does oll this in on ottempt
tools effectMely you musl underslrcnd the noture of risking with women.
ic eliminote oll risk with o womon ond to estoblish in its ploce complete conhol over qll of his interoctions with her.
Doing ony of the things we tolk obout in this book will require toking
oll risk with o
some risk. Most men ore exlremely overse to risking with women; they
There ore severol problems with this. First, eliminoting
live their lives trying to ovoid it. Mony men who oren'l successful with
womon ond estoblishing complete control over your interoctions with her
women ore committed to eliminqting risk with women; tho/s their unsuc-
doesn't work. ln foct, il's the opposite of whot works with women. Think
cessful strotegy for.success.
obout how you feel when you're wilh someone who's committed to complebly controlling your interoction with him ond the outcome of thot inter-
Men ore obsessed with not risking with women moinly for two reosons.
oction: you con't get owoy fost enough. Well, thof's exoctly how women
Firsl, they don't wont to be hurt by o risk gone wrong. lt totolly sucks to
belwih o mon who's
toke some big risk with o \ /omon only to be shot down in one of the
oction ond forcing o cerloin outcome. (solesmen ore sometimes like this.)
olmost infinite number of woys women hove of shooting down men.
h doesn't motler how good
Second, men-especiolly shy
men-wont to eliminote risk with \/omen
becouse they ore ofroid thot they will somehow hurt the womon they risk
I
uwlrut[nrffa
committed to eliminoting risk, controlling the inter-
o
pre-scripted rop you come up with; i/s
Fooky for o womon to be with o guy who is trying to conhol
her.
lll0r ts
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Second, most men get discouroged with me$ods of seducing women in
which the monlrq seems lo be "control, iontrol, control." Men wonl to be oble to express themselves ond creote successful, seductive interoctions
wifi
women. As one mon told us,
"lf I wonted to hide behind
o
'foke self,' fien I might os well go to o proslitule." lf you wont onything deep or spontoneous with women, eliminoting qll risk ond controlling everything is not the woy to get it.
IAfi|llg fl|l[ 0M1lg RHfi$ Mony men think thot when they toke o risk with o womon they ore some-
how toking something from her, but the iruth is this: when you toke on oppropriofie risk with o womon you ore giving something to her. Your risk with her creotes o spoce for her fo toke o risk bock with you, which
builds trust, sofety ond ottroclion with you. lf you don't ioke o risk with her there's no spoce for her to risk with you, qnd she con't hove o relo-
At the some time, it olso doesn'l work to "iust do
if'-to
toke huge risks
tionship with you, even if she wonis one.
with women oll of the time. We used to know o guy whose life's philosophy wos "Go for lhe roor." This meont thot every time he sow something scoqy or risky, he hod to do it-becouse if he didn't, os he put it, he "wosn'f reolly living his life." We think this is ridiculous, ond the trou-
ble it creoted in his life bocks us up on thot. Just becouse you con toke
o huge risk with o womon doesn't meqn thot you should.
Think of it this woy: often o guy will woit oround for o womon to risk
with him before he risks with her. He wonts her to soy hi, he wonts her trc osk
him out, he wonts her to go for the first kiss. But why should o
womon do something you oren't willing to do? Remember, most of the lime q womon is looking to you to set the poce ond feel for your inter-
oction. lf you toke q smoll risk with her, she will see on opening to do Just os risking becouse you con isn'l the onswer, letting go of qll control
in your inleroctions with women is probobly o bod ideo trco. Letting go of guiding or directing conversqlion in ony woy will oll too often gel you onother femole "triend," ond we've qll hod quite enough of thot.
lf eliminoting risk entirely ond controlling every'hing doesn't work with women, ond toking oll the risks you con ond letting go of oll control doesn't work, whol does? The onswer is thot you must loke risks, but you
musl toke them
in o
sensible, oppropriote ond orderly foshion.
Surprisingly ond porodoxicolly, you octuolly provide more of o sense of
both sofety ond excitement to women when you toke intelligent ond oppropriote risks with lhem one step ol o lime. Tho/s whot creotes both chemistry ond trust.
I
lhe some wiih you. lf you toke no risks ot oll, try to keep conlrol of every-
thing ond work lo force o certoin outcome with her, she will do the some with
you-ond itwon't
be the outcome you wont. She will be controlling
ond defensive, ond her gool will be to get owoy from you.
Ar o generol rule, women will only risk os much os you do, if thot much. When you toke on oppropriole risk with o womon, it octuolly provides on opening for her to be self-expressed ond hove fun with you. This
is
whot we meon when we soy thot you must provide risks for women. Whcn you toke on oppropriote risk with o womon, you give her the opportunity trc risk bock with you. Thot's providing
o
risk, ond it's the
foundotion for creoting chemistqy ond trust with women.
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When the two of you toke o smoll risk together-for instonce, you moy
lf you risk too much loo fosl, you ore trying to live in the house before it
provide o risk by winking qt her ond she moy risk smiling
little
is built, ond trouble will come if ony problems occur. At the some time,
trust is built between you. You con then build on thot trusl to provide o
if you don't risk ot oll, you never even build o foundotion for o relotion-
slightly lorger risk. For instonce, you moy provide o risk by osking her
ship, much less the four wolls ond roof. The level of risk you should toke
'Whofs the story behind lhot?" obout her neckloce, ond she moy toke
is reloted to how much of this house you hove built. lf you hove o lot of
o risk by telling you obout how she got it on o trip to Centrol Americo.
trust built up from toking mony risks together you con proceed lo some
When thot risk hos gone well, there is even more trust between you. You
bigger risks. lf you don't hove o lol of trust built up you need to toke
con then provide the next lorger risk ond she con risk bock. ln lime, o
smoller risks.
bock-o
sense of trust ond sofety develops.
lfs importont to underscore thot trust is built over lime ond thot chemistry
o reol
of
excitement ond
ond ottroction ore not the some os trust. A mon who doesn't hove much
chemistry between you. The two of you ore constontly in the process of
hcility or experience with risk will trust o womon woy too fost. He'll trusl
being "on the edge" with eoch other, constontly reveoling o little more
hcr utterly ond completely with his entire heort the moment he experi-
of yourselves with every risk, olwoys trusting ond risking o little more
onces ony chemistry with her. Thofs
Simultoneously, this process creotes
sense
o reolly bod ideo.
eoch time. Thot process is where excitement ond chemistry come from.
o lot of oilroclion comes from. And thot is o
Wc hod one student who wos doting o women whom he wos cerloin
process you con leorn how to monoge without being conlrolling, trying
wq3 "fhe one" ofter only one dote. He wos hoving tremendous success
to eliminote risk or ottempting to force on oulcome.
wih
Thot process is where
her os he meosured it: she seemed to like him, it wos very exciting
ond delightful to be with her ond they were hoving omozing sex togeth-
rr, He iumped in deep, reolly opening his heort lo her in o motler of doyr, totolly risking himself emotionolly. After oll, whot could possibly go
R11-0l|-]l0[llt[g lll8ll
Yvrpng in such o whirlwind romonce?
Building o relotionship with o womon is o lot like building o house in which
your intimocy ond connection con live. You build thot house one brick ol o
Wrll, plenty could go wrong ond plenty did go v/rong. After o couple of
time. Every lime you fiake o risk ond she trckes one bock ond it works, you
vrtkr,
put onolher brick in the wolls of the house. After o while you've built four
qnd rtrcrted blowing off their dotes. Finolly she told him, "l like you, but
wolls of trust thot con contnin the relotionship you hwe with her.
wlfi
T
tlillll[!0bilrulntrfillr
this "perfect womon" disoppeored. She rorely returned his colls
my
lib
the woy it is,
ifs iust too much of o hqssle to hove o relo-
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iionship right now. Besides, l'm sort of seeing this other guy..." He wos devostoted, heodbroken ond even more ofroid
On the up side, most women ore incredibly ottrocted to o mon who con
of toking risks with
sey,
women thon he hod been before.
"l reolly like you, ond I wont
us to toke the time
to leorn to reolly
trust eoch olher so we con truly open up ond be intimqte. I wont to toke
things slowly ond build o connection \ /e con trust." Soying this sort of When you meet o hot womon with whom you hove greof chemislry, yovr
thing tends to moke o womon feel reolly sofe wifi you ond desire you
tendency might be to toke big emotionol risks with her os quickly os you
oll the more. After oll, you oren't just trying to get os much sex out of
con. Thot is o big mistoke. h's insone to risk your entire heort right owoy.
her os you con, like oll those other guys. She likes this; therefore, she
fust over time. lf you risk too
wonls lo hove sex with you. A mon slowing things down ond risking with
Toke smoll risks one ot o time ond build
much too quickly you'll hove your heort sploftered oll over the povement,
her one step ot o time con be on incredible ophrodisioc to o womon.
ond you'll hove short, possionole offoirs thot end with you being heortbroken qnd olone.
Slowing down o romontic relotionship with o womon you ore oftrocted to might suck, bul il doesn'l suck os much os I ) hoving o short offoir thot
Thot hoppens when you iump in too deep too fost, ond you do thot when
ends in heortbreok or 2) being so ofrqid of heortbreok thot you devel-
you misfoke chemistqy for truslworthiness. Just becouse you hove chem-
op o mossive feor of toking ony risks with women.
istry with o womon doesn't meon she won't floke out on you. lt doesn't meon she won't hove emotionol problems thot will couse her to leove. lt
doesn'l meon you con counl on her. But when you hove greot chemistry
Ill$ r0oll0lnu 0F Rr$[$
with o womon, you're oll too likely to think thot it meons you con count on her, ond you'll end up risking too much with
her.
Le/s look ot how to provide risks for women. Mosl nice guys do not toke
enough risks qnd they do not provide enough risks for women, so
sloily ond build trust with o womon before you give
women hove loo few opportunities to toke risks bock. How do you pro-
her your heort fully. ln other words, you must risk slowly, over time, in
vide risks lo o womon? You provide risks by toking risks. Thofs impor-
the woy we will show you. lf you ore going trc foll in love with o womon
lonl, so lefs soy it ogoin: You provide risks by toking risks.
The solution is trc go
you ore reolly ottrocted lo, you need to toke risks one slep ol o lime to find out if you con lrust her. You need to know if she's o psycho who's
It helps t'c think of risk os o currency thot you exchonge with o womon.
go nuls ond toke off on you, breoking your heort. You con only
You put up o penny ond she puts up o penny. You put up o dollor, she
going
trc
find this out by risking the proper omount ot the proper tempo.
puts up o dollor. You put up tren dollors, she puts up len dollors. You're
o
from eoch other thot it will be o foir exchonge, on exchonge you con
I
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trust. lf you put up your penny ond she tokes it ond runs, you know not trc
Dollor R.isks. The dollqr
put up o hundred dollors. But if she puts up o penny bock, you know
risks ore lorger, but if the penny risks went
well, why not move on? Complimenting o womon is o dollor risk, os
is
you con tqke the risk to put up o nickel. lf she gives you o nickel bock,
osking o question we'll teoch you, 'lVho/s the story behind rhot?" The
you con then put up o dime.
Goodbye lntroduclion, which you'll leorn,
is
o dollor risk, os is Situotionol
Flirting, Deepening ond osking Romontic Questions. These risks oll proLet's give some specific exomples now of the kinds
ot different levels: penny
of risks you con toke
risks, dollor risks ond
$10 dollor
vide her with the opportunity to risk more by shoring more obout herself
risks.
with you. So she storts to risk liking you, which meons she could get hurt.
l"Greet," we heor you soying-"now lolking wilh women is like bonk-
These risks ore whot generote the excilement in
o relotionship.
ing ond investing." Who would've known?) $tO
Oollqr R.isks. Asking for her
number ond emqil oddress, setting
lo women is like. Successful finonciol risks; most of fie time they
dote, touching her, going for the first kiss ond being even more sexuol
leorn how fo do thqt by toking smoll risks ond moving up to lorger ones
ore oll bigger risks. These risks ond oll the risks thot leod up lo her shor-
os they gei better ot it. As o resuh, they get better returns thon do peo-
ing her life with you, even if only for o little while. She slorts to risk thot
ple who never invest their money, who never firke ony risks with it ond
you might chonge her life in woys she did not plon on.
Bizorrely, though, thot is whot tolking investors leorn
lo toke intelligent
up o dote, showing up for the dole, doing somelhing together on the
who leove it in the bonk eorning interest ot three percent or less. By leorning obout intelligent risk, successful inveslors ore oble to leveroge
This is on exciting process for both of you. And with eoch new risk you
lheir ossets, toking the risks thot deliver the best returns.
evoluote how it went before toking the next one. lf o smoll risk did not pon oul, don't go on to toke o bigger risk. lnsteod, you might wonl to
Penny Risks.
You con think of the first risks you toke with o
the interruptions thol ollowyou to speokwith
her-os penny
womon-
toke o smoller risk ond see if thot works. This is oll o motter of risking
risks. Soying
step by step.
hi is o penny risk. So is moking eye contocl, winking ot her, smiling ot her, checking out her body ond the other Flirting Moves. Eoch one of
lfs importont for you to reolize the risks you provide when deoling with
o risk with o womon ond gives her the oppor-
women. Eoch risk offers o spoce for mogic to hoppen between the two
tunity to risk bock with you by being responsive in some woy. lf she does
of you, ond it's o gift thot you os o mon provide. You're not perpetroF
respond with o risk of her own, you ore in business ond con move on lo
ing evil or hurting someone else; you're providing thot excitement thot
the dollor risks.
women need so much.
these smoll octions tokes
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Another "problem" with curiosity is thot when you stort osking questions
il[BllrgBll[ RFfi$ r0flD [0 RBUAl|ffi Everything we will teoch you in this book is to some degree
you slop being in conhol of the interocfion. When you osk o womon questions obout herself, suddenly you're nol in control of whot she might
o risk you
soy. As we've soid, most guys come to us wonting
will hove lo toke with women. By knowing thot ond by being oble to tqke
They're looking for
those risks one step ot o lime, you will hove the power to creole excite-
menl ond trust in your inleroctions with women.
i*ii
o line or rouline.
o structure they con impose on on interoction thot
will keep them in control ond get her romonticolly interested. But when
Of course, some of
you loke the risk of not knowing whot is going to hoppen, ond surren-
those risks won't work out, but we'll teoch you how to hondle reiection
der to the choos of interoctions ond conversotions with women, you're
too. ll/s oll port of leorning how to tolk to women.
more likely to connect with them ond more likely to come ocross os fun ond ottroclive.
As you use the tools in this book, your monlro should not be "control, con-
hol, conhol." Thot will only get you intrr trouble. Your monlro should be You con stort the process of letting out your curiosity by osking \ /omen
"risk, risk, risk." lntelligent risks, token step by step. By using these tools
questions ond simultoneously letting go of ony oufcome. Let go of trying
to risk being romontic rother thon to conhol the interoction, you will be
to get into her ponls ond getting her number (for o second) ond iust see
oble to mqnqge the orderly unfolding of o relotionship. lt moy be shortterm, il moy be long term. lt moy be deeply intimote, it moy be purely
if it feels different. We're not soying thot trying to get info her ponts is o
sexuol. But there will be o reol connection-ond you won't hove to sell
bod thing ot
oll-we're
iust soying thqt when you concentrotre on getting
into her ponts os your sole oulcome ifs very difflcult to moinloin o con-
yourself out to get it.
versotion ond therefore hord to get into her ponls.
You never know where q conversotion is going to go
cltlT0$tIu
wifi
o womon, but
if you've got to stoy in control ond reslroin your own curiosity ond never
An importont ospect of self-expression is curiosity.
osk o queslion you don't olreody know the onswer tc you'll never be suc-
h's similor to enthusi-
osm: you've goi lo use it or lose it. Once you've repressed your curiosi-
cessful. Most men lusl give up becouse not knowing where on interoc-
ty long enough, it tokes time to gel it bock.
tion is going is iust too scory. Another odvontoge of leorning to be curious is thot i/s not the leost bit
Mony of us were tought os children not lo osk questions, to ovoid being
monipulotive or scom-oriented. When you toke risks with women ond
loo curious. We qll know the expression "curiosity killed the cot." Asking
they risk with you, reol intimocy con develop.
questions ond being curious were often soid to couse trouble.
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lf being curious is difficult for you right now, don't worry. After you stort
conversotion with
experimenting with being curious it will become o lot eosier.
course/ you shouldn't insult women either. lf you osk o womon "How did
o
compliment. lnsteod, you con osk questions. Of
you get your hoir so ugly?" or "How did you get so slupid?," you oren'l
going to go onyraAere good. We include these only for comic relief.
fl0ut
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When you first meet o womon it usuolly mokes sense lo slort with o simple question.
We're now going tc explore how to osk women questions. This is not rocket science. So mony men feel like they need trc know the right things to soy to o womon. The truth is thot you don't need speciolized esoteric
R$H[g B[8$il0[$ ffi ll0[ ilt$ $m$ a$ lnafilll$ $[flE$1ll8ll[$
queslions; you iust need to know how to be curious ond osk questions.
Le/s look ot the different kinds of questions you con osk. There qre ini-
Mony of our students moke the error of moking siotements rother thon
tiol questions, the first questions you osk someone. Then there ore fol-
osking questions. For exomple, o student recently told us thot he'd osked
low-up queslions, which follow up on the response to your first question.
o womon o question the other doy. Here's how he described it: 'lVe
Pretty simple so for, right? You got it. The bosic sequence is you osk o
question, she responds ond you osk onolher question.
lt
were qt o concert ond I soid to her, 'The floor sure is sticky."'Well, tho/s
s olmost like
not
hoving o reol live conversotion where you ore opening your mouth ond
o queslion, ond thot doesn't offer much of on opening for her to
respond. You need to osk questions thot evoke o response from her, not
tolking! One question leods to onother ond before you know it women
simply mqke slotemenls.
ore reveoling themselves to you. They ore risking themselves to you ond you ore risking with them by osking questions ond reveqling yourself.
R$filll$ Here ore some hondy, eosy-fo-use rules for osking queslions ond hoving
Fl'0ln
good conversotions with women.
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lf you were ol o concert ond you wolked up to o womon ond soid, "l sure like the bond," Louis ond Copelond would come to your house ond
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breok your finger. This is
[ c0lllpilIn$Ilr
o
slotrement obout yourself, not
o
question
obout her. You must leqrn the difference. This point seems simple, bul mony guys mess it up. You need to osk her something thot will engoge
l/s greot to compliment women, but most of our students find it intimidoF ing
trc
her in o bock-ond-forth conversotion, noi spew your opinions obout life.
compliment o womon right owoy. Luckily, you don'f hove to strcrl o
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At firsl, o womon won'l be interested in you or your opinions. lnsteod,
things we qll wonder obout when we tolk to women. Don't even tqy to
she'll be inlerested in tolking obout herself. This meons thol your focus
suppress fiose thoughls. We're iust soying thot none of those questions
should be osking questions thot let her do iust thot. Rother thon tolking
will fly. Just remember thot you risk foce slops, explosive forms of vio-
oboul your fovorite color, osk her whol her fovorite color is. Rother thon
lence, sexless nights ond trouble if you moke overtly sexuol comments.
roving obout the greot new CD you iust brought, osk her whot sort of music she likes. Rqther thon tolking obout your fovorite seoson, osk her
whot her fovorite seoson is.
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It helps trc soy something like
'Wov/' or "Reolly'' or 'Thofs
interesting"
before osking o bllow-up question. When you use those phroses, trcke o
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breoth between questions ond listen to her response/ so q womqn won't
When you're interocting wiih o womon ond osking questions you ore
hel os if you're grilling her.
not ollowed to osk "Do you come here often?" You ore olso prohibited
moke sure you woid.bombording her with ropid-fire questions. Some
from osking obout the weolher. Those two questions ore so clichgd thot
men will keep osking o womon '1/Vhy? Why? Why?" or borroge her with
you will come ocross os o totol boneheod. The lost thing you ore for-
questions until she flips out. Tho/s onother woy trc hove her feel like she's
bidden from osking is'nVhofs your sign?" These oll sound too much like
locked in on inlerrogoiion room with you. lf you osk one question ot o time
lines ond come ocross os boring ond stupid. The good news is thot there
ond go ol o slow, reloxed poce, lhe conversotion will foel nofurol ond eosy
ore countless good, simple questions. Once you get your curiosity cir-
trc susficin.
Put
owoy the interrogotion-room spotlight ond
cuitry going, you won'l hove o problem osking them.
When some guys ore excited they feel pumped up. While being ener-
mm
gized is o good thing, sometimes guys in this stote tend to osk too mony
a$H
0u$t'ng $Bfiilal 0il$$n0n$
questions too quickly ond nol ollow women enough time to respond. Just remember to slow down, give her time to respond, odd
You might find yourself wondering, "Gee, ore lhose breost implonts?
o few oppre-
ciotive comments ond you'll be fine.
How do they stond up so well?" Thofs obviously not o question you're
going to wont to osk. We probobly don'l hove to tell you this, but we wonled to double- ond quodruple-check.
RU0n u8$-0Fll0 m0$il01l$
We're not suggesting thot you ovoid thinking obout sex or ovoid won-
"Do you like ort?" 'Whot sorts of orl do you like?" Con you tell rhe dif-
dering obout q womon's breqsts or whot she's like in bed. Those ore
brence between fiose two questions?
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Lefs try this on Ron ond Dovid.
u0ln$ll
DAVID: So Ron, do you like ort? RON:
ff$
1l0u aruau8 Ft'18il[19
This moy come os o shock lo you, bul our experience shows thot mony
women ore nol the slightest bit receptive lo ony'hing we soy. lfs imporYes.
tont therefore to remember thot when o womon is meon to you or unreThot cleorly doesn't build much of o conversoiion. Le/s try it ogoin.
sponsive, i/s not
o personol ottock on you. We oll hove to deol with
unfriendly women ot one poinl or onother.
DAVID: Ron, whot kind of ort do you like? Remember,
RON: l'm o big Jockson Pollock fon. I like his huge obstroct
ifs not your foult she wos unfriendly, ond you did nothing
wrong by opprooching her. When o womon is unfriendly, the best thing to do is lo move on to the next one. lfls pointless to woste your time ond
pointings.
DAVID: Whot else do you like obout his work?
RON: I love seeing fhe movies of him sploshing huge cons of point onto convoses. l'm olso interested in how he lived his life.
energy tolking lo women who qre unreceplive. ln foct, it con domoge
your self-esteem to hohg oround women who treot you like crop. Next time o womon is meon to you, remind yourself thol there ore other women out there who'd be hoppy to tolk to you ond would oppreciote
your initioting with them-ond then move on.
DAVID: So hove you seen his work in person?
RON: Yes, l've been lo severol exhibits of his work in New York.
A yes-or-no question iust doesn't cut it. For inslonce, "Do you like the bond?" is o problem. A woy to toke thot
So you see where this con go.
question out of the yes-or-no reolm is to osk
'lVhot do you like obout
the bond?" or "How to do you like the bond?" Stort poying otlention fic
the questions you osk women. Moke sure you ovoid putting them in o
ril8 plll|RBS$ 0F 0$fir[s ilrB$[l0ll$ H r0 s$ll$l'ffi8 a 80[u01|$aH0ll Don'l worqy if o womqn stroys from the queslion you've osked her. Some sfudents get upset when they musler lhe couroge to osk o womon o ques-
tion ond then, rother thon onswering their question, the womon responds by tolking obout o wholly different topic. Remember, when you
form thot will hqve lhem onswer yes or no.
osk o womon o question ond she responds with ony commenl ot oll, it's
good news. Your focus should be on getting o conversotion going.
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For exomple. imogine you're osking to
o womon in the liquor store
TilflMP$ I
obout wine ond she storts lolking obout o movie she iust sow. Don't soy,
"Hey, I osked you oboul wine-iusl onswer the question, lody!"
The
SITUATION: You're ot o concert, listening to the music ond stonding
point is thol you wont lo be engoging with her, ond it reolly doesn'l mot-
nexi to on ottroctive womon. Whot do you do? Here's the sequence we
ter whot you tolk qbout. The foct thot you ore octuolly hoving on inter-
recommend you stort employing when tolking lo women:
oction with her is good news. Hoving her open her mouth ond tolk to
you is os good os it will get ot first.
First, breothe deep into your body. Mony men breofi shollowly, ond :A
).:
lllll|ilHllI
u0lltr clll|n$ffiu
high in their chests-this reolly doesn't leove you feeling powerful-for lhot, you need to breothe more deeply. We coll this "breofiing into your
bolls." When we soy this, we meon toke o deep breoth, ond imogine thot feeling going oll the woy down to the core of your body, oll the woy
For us, curiosity ofien shows up os o smoll flicker in our minds thof we must
down into your bolls. lt moy sound silly, but ifs been our observotion thot
poy close ottention trc. lf you don't poy ottention when you feel curious
it mokes o big difference.
obout something, your infieresl fodes. At this strrge of the gome you're retroining yourself ond creoting new hqbits
trc let
your curiosity out. At first,
Second, osk yourself whot you could be curious obout with this womon.
occessing your curiosity might bel owhvord ond clumsy, but itwill gel eos-
ier over time.
Third, listen lo the response you gel.
Asking o queslion of o womon ond listening to your curiosity doesn'l ::
need to be
o big deol. lt doesn't
require you to find complicoted or
unusuol topics to explore. ln the following exomples you'll see how we've loken incredibly mundone situotions ond creoted simple questions
i1:
q, .4
:ii
"So, whot do you think of the bond?" When she onswers, "They're
-ll'
greol," run through the sequence ogoin:
i,$r
to osk women. After reoding through these exomples ond doing some experimentolion on your own, this will be o lot eosier for you.
f I 1;
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Here's o choin of curiosity questions thot you could use ot the concerl:
.u
o o o o
Breqthe into your bolls. Ask yourself whot you could be curious obout in her response. Listen to lhe onswer.
Ask your follow-up queslion.
/
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For exomple:
question
fien
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'lVhot ore olher bonds you've seen thot you like?"
This
ffa]npt$
generoles onother response from her. You might osk,
"Hove you seen this bond before?" She might onswer, "No, I hoven't
SITUATION: You're in line wqiting
seen them before." So you then repeot lhe sequence:
o o o r
2 trc
buy something in o grocery store
ond you're stonding nexl to o womon. You wont to tqlk
b
her. Whot do
you do? Breothe into your bolls. Ask yourself whot you could be curious qbout in her response.
o . I .
Listen to the onswer.
Ask your follow-up question.
For exomple,
Breothe into your bolls. Ask yourself whot you could be curious obout with this womon. Lislen lo lhe onswer.
Ask your initiol question.
'lVhot do you think of lhem?" or 'The boss ploye/s got
reolly wild hoir. Whot do you think obout it?"
For exomple, you might soy, 'Thot's on interesting pin
thd you're weor-
ing. Whofs the story behind it?" See how simple this con be? Once you reolize thot you don't hove to put
yourself on the line ond show off, tolking to women becomes o lot eqs-
She might soy, "Oh, I got this in Nepol."
ier. Whqfls importonl is for you to osk questions thot moke her impressed
with herself-qnd when you focus on osking questions thot moke her
So you go through the sequence ogoin:
impressed with herself, your life will be much eosier.
o r
Breofie inlo your bolls. Ask yourself whot you could be curious obout in response to whot she soid.
e .
Toke o second ond listen to the onswer.
Ask your follow-up question.
You might soy, "Nepol, how interesting. Do you like to trovel?" or "Nepol, thofs reolly on interesling ploce. Whot were you doing there?"
From there you moy find yourself creoting o conversotion with her!
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4
SITUATION: You're in line woiting to buy something ond you're stond-
SITUATION: You ore in o bookstore next lo o womon reoding o book.
ing next lo o womon with o new cell phone honging on o clip from her
Go through the sequence:
purse. So whot do you do? Go through lhe sequence:
o o o .
o . . .
Breothe into your bolls. Ask yourself whot you could be curious qbout with lhis womqn. Lislen to the onswer.
Breothe into your bolls.
Ask yourself whot you could be curious obout with this womon. Toke
o second ond listen to the onswer.
Ask your initiol question.
Ask your initiol question. You might soy, 'Thol book looks reolly interesting. Whot do you think of
it so for?" She might respond, 'Well, i/s pretty good."
"l see you hqve one of those new cell phones, how do you like it?" She responds, "ll's greol, it gets much better signol thon the other one I hod."
Run through the sequence ogoin: Repeot the sequence:
o o . o
r . o r
Breothe into your bolls. Ask yourself whot you could be curious obout in her response. Toke o second ond listen to lhe onswer.
Breothe into your bolls. Ask yourself whot you could be curious obout in her response. Toke
o second ond listen to the onswer.
Ask your follow-up question.
Ask your follow-up question. You might respond, "So, whot do you like obout the book?" or "ls thol
You might soy,
outhor good? Hove you reod o$er books by thot outhor?" or 'lVhol
'lVhot hoppened to your old phone? Did it breok? Or
hove you been reoding lotely?" or "ls there onything you con recom-
did you find there were ports of town where it didn't work?"
mend to me?" Those ore the kinds of questions thqt stort o conversotion. These ore not very personol queslions, but you con see how these con
leod to deeper conversotions. You con olso see how simple ond nolurol they ore.
fl
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end
sslf'$pr,8s$i0[
here, whot wos ihe best doy working here?" or 'lVhofs the coolest thing
$
you've seen while working here?"
SITUATION: You ore in o coffee shop ond you ore ordering coffee from
Or you might hove osked, "Do you drink o lot of coffee while working
the hot womon behind the counter.
here? I bet there's o lot of lemptotion." Stort by running through the sequence: She might hove onswered, "l con't drink coffee onymore, ond I used to
o . . o
love it."
Breothe into your bolls. Ask yourself whot you could be curious obout with this womon.
Run through the sequence:
Toke o second qnd listen to lhe onswer.
Ask your initiol question.
r e o .
For exomple, 'Xou must see oll sorfs of stuff working here. Whot's the most unusuol thing you've seen while working here?"
She might respond with something like
ordered
l0
Breothe into your bolls. Ask yourself whot jiou could be curious obout in her response. Tqke o second ond listen trc the onswer.
Ask your follow-up question.
'A gry come in here once ond You might soy,
cups of coffee ond dronk them oll within eight minutes." So
'lVhot do you drink now insteod?" or 'lVhy did you stop
drinking it?"
whot do you soy next?
One thing to notice here is ihol once ogoin fiese ore simple questions.
You go through the sequence ogoin:
Also, notice thot when you osk them you're not shoring o lot obout your-
r . . .
Breothe into your bolls.
self. You don't need to try to be impressive yourself. She doesn't core
Ask yourself whot you could be curious obout in her response.
thot you dronk 25 cups of cofhe one doy ond how cool you ore for
Toke o second ond listen to lhe onswer.
being o speed freok. She's interested in herself. Remember to focus on
Ask your followrup question.
drowing her out with your questions, not on showing off.
You might soy something like
'lVhot would hove hoppened if you hod
dronk thot much coffee?" or "lI thot wos your weirdest doy working
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SITUATION: You're ot the gym. After you finish o workoul, o womon
SITUATION: You ore woiling to be seoted ot o coB. A womon
wolks up ond prepores to use the some mochine you were on. So whql
stonding next lo you who looks like the type of womon you'd like to be
do you do? Run through the sequence:
tolking to. You notice thd there is o lot of unusuol ort on the woll. So
is
you run through the sequence:
. . . o
Breothe into your bolls. Ask yourself whot you could be curious obout with this womon. Toke o second ond listen to the onswer.
Ask your initiol queslion.
o . . .
Breothe into your bolls.
Ask yourself whot you could be curious obout with this womon. Toke o second ond listen to the onswer.
Ask your initiol question.
Perhops you soy something simple like '!Vhot's your fovorite mochine here?" She responds,
"l love doing bicep curls. Thofs my fovorite."
You might sey, "Hi,whot do you think obout oll this ort?" She might respond, "h/s not my style, but I guess i/s okoy."
So you go through the sequence ogoin:
o o . o
Then you go through the process ogoin:
Breothe into your bolls. Ask yourself whot you could be curious obout in her response. Toke o second ond listen to the onswer.
Ask your follow-up question.
You might osk,
'Vhot
o o o o
Breothe into your bolls. Ask yourself whot you could be curious obout in her response. Tqke o second ond listen to ihe onswer.
Ask your follow-up question.
is it qbout the bicep curl thot you like?" You might respond,
A simple question like thot could stort o conversotion. The more we proctice hoving simple, eosy interoclions with women, the more powerfr.rl we see thot they con be. Just simple curiosity*not tqying to impress ony-
one-con leod to getting o womon's phone number, o dote, o conneclion, ropporl ond more.
I
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'Whot kind of ort do you like?" or 'lVhot kind of
od do you think might look better up there?"
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SITUATION: You ore ot o reslouronl ond on otlroclive wqilress is woiF
SITUATION: You're ot o liquor store looking for tequilo. An otiroctive
ing on you. You see her ond wont io tolk to her. So you slort by running
womon working there qsks if she con help you. You run through the
through the process:
Process:
a
Breothe into your bolls.
a
Breothe into your bolls.
a
Ask yourself whot you could be curious obout with this womon.
a
Ask yourself whot you could be curious obout with lhis womon.
a
Toke o second ond listen to the qnswer.
a
Toke o second ond listen lo the onswer.
a
Ask your initiol question.
a
Ask your initiol question.
You soy something like
menu?" She responds,
T
You might soy, "l'm looking for some good tequilo. Whot kind do you
Vhot's your fovorite food, even if it/s not on the
"l love o reolly good steok."
like?" She might respond by telling you the brond she likes. You con then
run through the process ogoin: Run through the process ogoin:
o o . e
o . o .
Breothe into your bolls. Ask yourself whot you could be curious obout in her response. Toke o second ond listen to the onswer.
Breothe into your bolls.
Ask yourself whot you could be curious obout in her response. Toke o second ond listen to the onswer.
Ask your follow-up question.
Ask your follow-up question. So you might come up with the question 'nVhot do you like obout it?,"
'!Vho/s
which would be o perfect next question. You could olso osk, 'Which
the best reslouront you've ever been Io?" or 'lVhofs your fworile
ploce serves the best tequilo or morgoritos in town?" This could build
You might respond, "So whot is the best steok you ever hod?" or
restouront in lown?"
t
or'lVhofs your fovorite ploce in town for steok?"
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into o deeper conversolion.
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SITUATION: You're qt fie video stcre looking for o DVD or o video. You
We strongly recommend you proctice being curious
see o cute womon stocking videos. You decide to trclk to her. Here's whol
women. A gome thoi we like to ploy (though we don't tell other people
you do:
\ /e ore ploying it!) is seeing how long we con go in o conversotion with-
oul reveoling onything obout
. o . .
Breothe inlo your bolls.
ourselves.
wifi
both men ond
ln the gome, you're only
ollowed to osk questions of onother person.
Ask yourself whot you could be curious obout with this womon.
i!t
Toke o second ond listen lo lhe onswer.
{;
lt
Ask your initiol question.
We were recently listening to o speech given by morketing guru Joy Abroms. He wos tolking obout the power of questions ond the power of listening. Abroms told o slory obout o time he wos troveling cross-coun-
You might osk her, 'Whot is your fovorite new releose?" or
'lVhofs
the
try ond met o guy on on oirplone. Abroms storting osking the guy ques-
best movie you've seen recently?" She'll probobly onswer the question
tions obout himself. They tolked for hours-neorly the whole trip. At the
ond mention o newly releosed movie, so you run through the process
end of the conversotion, the mon lurned to Abroms ond soid, 'You ore
ogoin:
the most interesting guy l've ever mel." Abroms commenled fiot the ironic port wos thot he (Abroms) did not soy onything obout himself; he
o . . r
Breothe into your bolls.
iust kept osking questions.
Ask yourself whot you could be curious obout in her response. Toke o second ond listen to the onswer.
We mention this story lo show how people will bond with you ond feel
Ask your follow-up question.
comfortoble with you when you give them the gift of osking questions. When you provide women on opportunity
trc
tolk ond express themselves,
'lVhot did you like obout thol movie?" or "ls thot the kind
they will not only feel bonded to you but they will olso feel oppreciotive
of movie you normolly like?" or 'lVhot kind of movies do you tend to
lhot someone listrened to them. They moy not consciously reolize thot you
rent?" This will get her telling you obout herself. Then you con osk her
only listened lo them ond only osked questions without shoring much
more questions. Over time, these sorts of conversolions con gel much
obout yourself. Still, os in Abroms's story they will be conscious of feel-
more intimote ond personol.
ing closer to you.
You respond,
I
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We osk o lot of women if they've ever been on o dote with o guy who
clraD[8r
iust tolked obout himself, never shutting up or osking her onything. They
oll soy yes. They mention thol i/s rore for o mon to be o good listener. As porf of your curiosity skills, toke the time to listen to how women
I1t8
onswer your queslions.
Good news: you ore now free of hoving to generote mogicol converso-
ilt pt'0graln I uffilt[u
You've leorned obout the importonce of interrupting ond initioting inter-
tion lo impress o womon. Better news: you ore now free lo osk questions, lisien to the responses ond osk more queslions.
2
octions
wifi women.
Here's o simple woy to stort putting thot knowledge
o
into oction, storting todoy.
Lel's tolk specificolly
obout how you interrupt women ond redirect their
otlention toword you. Mony men think thot whot they reolly need is o greot opening line. Guys often osk us, 'Whot ore the opening lines thot women like?"
Here ore some opening lines we know women don't like, jusi for your omusemenl:
"Hey boby, let's do breokfost tomorrow-sholl I coll you or nudge you?"
"Hi, my nome is Dovid. Remember il, becouse you'll be screoming it loter tonight!" "Hey boby, ore you weoring your spoce underweor tonight? Becouse your oss is out of this world!"
"Hey se4y, how would you like to ioin me in doing some moth? Le/s odd you ond me, subhoct our clothes, divide your legs ond
then muhiply!"
"lf I could rewrite the olphobet, I would put U ond I together."
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'There musl be something wrong with my eyes. I con't toke them
ts
l,italifi$
Ilt0 Hr Pr0gl|flln
off of you." "Excuse me, do you hove o quorter thot I con borrow? I told my
Getting into the hqblt of soying hi to women is on importont first step in
mother thot I would coll her when I found the girl of my dreoms."
hoving longer conversotions with women, conversolions thot leod to
"Congrotulolionsl You've been voted most beoutiful girl in this
seduction ond sex. Therefore, leorning to soy hi is your first tosk in inter-
room. The grond prize is o night with me!"
rupting ond initioting with women.
"Hey boby, is your dod o boker? Couse you sure hove greol bunsl" This is obvious but importont fo note: soying hi to o womon estoblishes
We ore getting nouseoled.
o precedent of communicotion thot con work to your odvontoge. After you soy hi to o womon, il's noturolto continue tolking with
Lefs be obsolutely crystol cleor: we ore nol suggesting you use these
her-but it'd
be weird to tolk if you hodn't soid hi. Therefore, soying hi is your first
lines. We include them to drow your ottention to the bosic problem with
step toword seduction ond sex.
opening lines: no motter how cute, sexy or obnoxious your opening line is, ofter you've used it, you ore still foce to foce with o womon. When
For inslonce, hove you ever been in o sifuotion where, if you'd only soid
you use some opening line, she either loughs, snorts or throws o drink
hi to o womon right owoy, it would hove been oppropriote to tolk to her
in your foce. Then you still hqve to come up with something to soy next.
lf
onything, cutresy opening lines moke
it
loier on? Perhops it hoppened while you were woiting in line. You got in
horder to connecl with o
line ond you noticed o very pretty girl in front of you, but you didn't soy
womon, becouse so often they ore stupid lines thol piss women off.
hi to her when you first sow her os you got into the line. You were in your own world or you were
The University of Chicogo did o study of opening lines (your tox dollors
trco
ofroid to soy hi or you didn't wont to
interrupt her or you used whotever your stondord excuse is for not inler-
ot work!) ond found thot "Hi" is the mosl effective opening line with o
rupting ond initioting with women. You stood in line next to this beouti-
womon. "Hi" is followed in effectiveness by "Do you like the bond?" (But
ful womon for o little while ond you reolized thot you wonted to tolk to
only if there's o bond ploying-try to keep thot in mind.)
her-perhops you even thought of something the two of you could converse
The bottom line is ihere is no opening line thot con keep you from hov-
obout-but by then you couldn't, becouse it would hove seemed
weird to stort iolking to her ofbr ignoring her for so long. lf only you
ing lo generote o conversotion with o womon, so you might os well use
hod soid hi when you first got into line you would hove hod some prece-
hi-ot
dent of ocknowledging eoch other's existence, ond it would hove been
leost it won'i piss her off. Of course, you'll still hove the problem
of needing to generote o conversotion with her, but we'll get to thot.
much eosier to trolk more loler.
First, lefs tolk obout thot best of oll opening lines, the word "hi."
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You've probobly hod thot kind of thing hoppen. We hove, too. Such sod,
ond write it on o piece of poper or on index cord. Corry thot cord with
lost opportunities ore the result of not setting o precedent of being o guy
you ond keep trock of how mony women you octuolly soy hi to os you
who tolks to women. They're the result of not soying hi.
go firough your doy.
lf you ore going to leorn to tolk to women ond implement whot you leorn
This moy seem silly, but it's importont. lf you don't hove on ideo of how
qnd become good ot it, you hove to be oble to toke scory octions ond
mqny women you soid hi to, il,s very eosy to get stopped ond stoy
boil them down into steps thot ore so smoll thot they ore noi scory ony
stopped. lf you keep trock, you con look ot your index cord ond soy,
more or ore iust scolf enough thot you con still do them. The Hi Progrom
'Wow, I soid I would soy hi to l0 women o doy ond I soid hi
is o greot woy to do thot.
women yesterdoy ond two todoy." Then you con look through this section
tro
zero
ogoin, figure out whot your problem is ond correct it. lf you don,t keep The Hi Progrom is reolly simple: you decide how mony womon you ore
going to soy hi to eoch doy ond you do it. Suppose you decide to soy
trock,
i/ll
be eosier to delude yourself, overlook hends ond blow the power
of the entire progrom.
hi to I0 women o doy. Loter on, while you're wolking down the streel, you see
I0 women ond you
soy hi to them. You go to the moll, you see
10 women, you soy hi to them.
On the olher hond, keeping trock olso helps you feel good obout whot you've occomplished. Especiolly if you've been o shy guy, looking ot your cord ond seeing you soid hi to 32 women todoy con feel pretty
When you follow the Hi Progrom, you become the kind of guy who iust
good.
lt's
worfh doing.
noturolly finds himself soying hi io women, so when you're in thot line
fn" women you sqy hi to don,t hove to heor you soy
you hove olreody sqid hi to thot cute girl in front of you ond you con
2.
eosily move on lo some other conversotionol sequence.
hi. At this point, the importont thing
is thot you open your mouth ond
soy hi. Whofs not importont ot this luncture is whether women heor you. So open your mouth ond soy hi whether you think she con heor you or
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not. The women you soy hi to con be wolking in the other direction or even weoring heodphones. lt doesn't mqfier. Just soy hi.
l.
Decide how mony women you ore going to soy hi to
eoch doy ond keep trqck of how you do. Mony of our sludents soy they will soy hi to I 0 or 20 women o doy for five or six doys o week.
A lot of guys soy, 'Vell, oll the women I sow this week-oll of them, I00 percent-were weoring heodphones qnd were Rollerbloding the ofier
Decide how mony women you will soy hi to for how mony doys o week
woy or for some olher reoson wouldn't hove heord me, so I didn,t soy
I
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'Vow, I soid hi to l0 women!
hi." Well, thofls gorboge. These guys didn't soy hi becouse they were scored, ond they used o womon's inobility trc heor them os on excuse for
things like
not following the progrom. Open your mouth ond soy hi. lt doesn't mot-
tioting wilh women. You might wonl to keep o iournol obout it, perhops
ter if she heors you or not.
writing, "l om the mon becouse I soid hi to 25 women todoy. I con
I
om the mon!" Find something
lo celebrote obout the progress you ore moking in interrupting ond ini-
see
fhot I reolly om breoking out of my shell, ond tho/s greof." Or you con
3. Soy hi to ony womqn you see. Tho/s right, ony womon. She con be old, fot, disobled-it doesn't motter. Remember, this is obout
get your body involved: moke some little motion, like shoking your fist powerfully while soying, 'Yes! I soid hil"
building your initiotion muscle so you con interrupl women ond redirect their ottention, no motter how briefly, toword you. At this point, it cqn be
We're omozed by the extenl to which the men we work with resist feel-
with ony womon ot oll; it doesn'l motier.
ing good obout the smoll steps ond smoll octions they toke wilh women,
bul il's importont thot you do so. Most men hove o hord time celebrot-
ing ony occomplishment thot isn't on ordeol. Thot won't work with
{- C"l.btote thqt you did it. Often we tolk with o guy who would only let himself feel good obout himself if he monoged to convince o
women. Women like to be oround men who feel good obout themselves,
trciclly unottoinoble, uninterested supermodel whom he met on the sfeet
so it mokes sense to reword yourself ond feel good obout toking this first
to sleep with him in 15 minutes or less. Then ond only then would he
slep in tolking to women: soying hi to them.
ollow himself to hel good obout whot he occomplished with women. You musl do this. So mony of our students will soy things like
'lVell,
I
We,ve soid it before ond we'll soy it ogoin: thot kind of ottitude is o mis-
wos wolking down the street ond I soid hi to 20 women in five minutes
tqke. lf you ore leorning to tolk to ond seduce women, you must ollow
ond it wos eos, so therefore it doesn't count." Or they soy, 'Yeoh, I soid
yourself to feel good ond to celebrqte eoch step in the process of getting
hi to t 0 women, but they were oll old or ugly, so it doesn't count." They
loid. Beoting yoursell up ond feeling bqd will not help becouse o guy
discredit their work before they even see the positive effucts of it.
who is reolly down on himself is inherently unollroclive to women. So reword yourself; proise yourself for soying hi. h will help stort you on
Mony men who hove o hord time trrlking lo women ore often cought in
your woy to becoming o moster ot tolking to women.
this trop: i/s either got trc be troo hord, ond thus they con't do it, or i/s too
eosy, so it doesn't count. h/s os if they hoven't sufbred enough to ollow
lf you try lo proctice the Hi Progrom but put down your effort ond success iust becouse you oren't getting loid yet, you
themselves to foel good obout whot they did. Don't moke this mistoke.
will only impede your
own process. Let yourself feel good obout toking oction. Tell yourself
E. Pructicc
out loud. Some men
ore stopped by the ideo of soying
hi to women they don't know. They stort to soy hi ond they choke up.
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Actuolly, such chokes hoppen to everyone now ond then. You oPen your
women. Woiting oround
mou$ to soy hi ond nothing comes out. lfs emborrossing, but there it is.
you'll never soy hi becouse the perfect momenl never comes. you hqve lo
br
the perfect moment fic soy hi guorontees thol
moke thot moment hoppen by interrupting her flow ond creoting it. lf you hove trouble soying hi to women, proclice soying hi out loud olone
in the comfort ond privocy of your own home or cor. Just soy hi over ond
Mosl conloclwith women is not going to hoppen unless you moke it hop-
over in o cleor, powerful voice. This will get your body used to soying hi
pen. You need your interruption muscle to be strong so you con creote
ond moke it eosy ond noturol to do. Soon you'll be oble to do it without
thot contoct. This is criticol. Remember, you olone ore responsible for
thinking obout if, which is whot you need when you get foce lo fqce
wifi
o beoutiful womon. You'll be oble to soy hi to women on the street,
interrupting women ond initioting contoct wifh them. you hove to do it.
in
f.
bookstores, of closses or onywhere else you meet them.
O,tty soying hi ro women who mqke eye contocr with you. This is o very common problem men hove with the Hi progrom. Guys soy to us, 'You guys told me to soy hi to I O women o doy ond
H0l[
uil call $cFeu llp [ll0 il
Pr0sl|fllll
I
thought thot would be reolly eosy, but then no womon mode eye contocr
with me, so I couldn't soy hi to ony of them." Our experience hos shown us thot men ore very inventive in screwing up the Hi Progrom. Here ore
fie
these ond ovoid them ond you
mosl populor trops guys foll into. Leorn
Listen: if you ore going through life woiting for women to moke eye
will be fine.
contoct with you before you soy hi, you ore woiling for women lo initi-
ole with you before you will interoct with them. You ore trying to ovoid
l. Oisquolifyirg oll women.
You con screw up the Hi Progrom by
interrupting \ /omen, qnd how well hos thot been working in your life?
disquolifying every womon os o condidote for o hi. Usuolly it works like
Not very well. The terrible truth: you must soy hi to women even if they
this: o guy refuses to soy hi lo most women becouse they ore not hot
oren't looking ot you. Women ore rorely going to moke eye contocl with
enough. He then refuses to soy hi to lhe resl becouse they ore so hot thot
you before you soy hi. They ore going to ovoid contoct becouse thot
he's intimidoted. The solution is lo remember this: your iob is to soy hi
whol women ore progrommed to do. Soy hi onywoy.
is
to something femole qnd humqn. Thofs oll.
f. O.ittg 2. Woiting for the "perlecl momenl." o perfect moment ic soy hi. You iust hove you're going to hove
I
o
trc
upset by women's responses. you,ll get oll
sorts of
The truth is there's never
responses when you soy hi. Some will be worm, some not. One of the ben-
do it. lf you con't iust soy hi,
efits of the Hi Progrom is you stort to leqrn thot her response doesn'l mot-
reolly hord time generoting conversotions with
uurur]rrluloqq{ql$I1,
ler. Whot motlers is thot you took
_
oction-you
trcok
o risk in soying hi.
lleuSli
aftn
t,romln ilt$ lli pr0sn0m
DAVID: The other doy lwos leoving my gym ond I sow o very pretty
girl stonding in the gym's foyer looking ot o poster on the woll. As I went
by her I soid, "Hi!"
f
uft$ms
l/s worth risking this kind of response becouse hi con orso work for you. we hove hod mony more experiences where iust soying hi hos initiored
wonderful, seductive conversotions with women. you iust need to remember thot everybody who proctices the Hi progrom occosionoily
She storted in shock ond turned toword me, horrified. She looked
completely terrified, which is slronge, os I hoppen to know thot
gets o weird response, ond so willyou.
I
om nol thot scory-looking o guy. But this is port of being the kind
$. Refusing ro roke ony risks.
of guy who soys hi, who goes for whot he wonts without shome or opology. Some women ore reolly in their own world of feor ond
being unwilling to toke risks. Mony men worrr obout whqt other peopre will think ond oren'r wilting to risk rhqr peopte mighrhink poorly
upset. lt hos nothing to do with you, ond lhere's obsolutely nothing
becouse they soy hi to women.
Men olso kill rhe Hi progrom by
of rhem
you con do obout it. lf I hodn't stortled her, something else would hove. So I did whot you hove to do in those situotions: I reminded myself thot doting is o numbers gome, thot this kind of response hoppens occosionolly ond thot it wos obout her, nol me. Then
I
wenl on with my doy ond didnt think obout it ony more.
For instonce, you moy feel like you ore risking fiot eveqyone wiil see whot you ore doing, everyone will know you ore trying to be o seducer ond everyone will point ot you ond rough or throw rocks ot you or whoF ever' However, if yov ore going to initiote with women ond get them into bed, you're going to hove to toke these risks-ond more like them.
RON: Here's onolher exomple of the weird kind of response you might get when you soy hi. The oiher doy, I wos wolking in o neorby
woods ond I soid hi to o womon who wos olso wolking there. Her response? She turned ond ron owoy from
me-ond I om not thot
scoqy-looking either. lt wos this beoutiful noture oreo; I smiled ond
For now, simply know this: interrupfing women feers risky becouse it is risky. By following our odvice, you'il leorn how to toke smorr risks wifi
women ond groduolly move into bigger risks over time. The smoll risk of soying hi is the perfect ploce to stort.
soid hi ond she iust looked incredibly upset.
We ore here lc lell you thot i/s time tn stcp worqying obout women's respons-
0. Deciding the Hi progrom is so simple thor you don,t need lo do it. A lot of our students soy, ,lVell, soying hi to women is
es, €ven if they ore like the ones dehiled obove. ll's fime lrc get post this ideo
thot you ore going lrc shofier o womon's enlire personolity iust by soying hi. Some women, becouse of their own problems, lheir own histoqy ond their
ovrn lives, will get o little spooked when you soy hi. lt doesn'l motter. lf you hodn't spooked her, something else would hove. Tho/s her, not you.
|l
reolly eosy so it con't reolly be effective. r meon, r courd do thot right now." We olwoys respond, ',ekoy, greot. lf ifs so eosy, soy
hi ro
lo
women wvrr."r ..l o ctqy doy rar for tne the nexf next week." week.,, lnevitobly Inevitobry lhey rhey come come bock bock the next week ond tell us, 'Wow, it wos o lot scorier ond more chollenging thon
I thought, ond more voluoble, too.,,
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interruption ond initiotion muscle is the criticol first step in being oble to
guy who hod not hod sex in o couple of yeors ot leost, wos o greol exomple of this. We gove him the ossignmenl of soying hi to
l0
o
b
do more, iust stort by soying
hi to o few women o doy or even one o doy. Thot will stqrt to develop
doy?" He soid, "No, I didn't soy hi to
o doy. I soid hi lo more thon 300 women in
is by soying hi.
lf you don't feel like you hove the guts
When we tolked to him the next week, we osked, "How'd it go? Did you women
tolk to women successfully, ond the best woy to get thot muscle stronger
women
o doy ond sent him on his woy.
l0
I l'it&li&!
him to meet, converse with ond seduce women. Strengthening your
The results of the Hi Progrom con be omozing. One of our studenls, o
soy hi to
lli0r{Bram
fie
l0
women
your iniliotion muscle, ond thot will stort you on your woy to powerfully ond reliobly tolking to women.
lost seven doys. I went
to the beoch ond I soid hi to every womon I sow. lwent to the moll ond
I soid hi to every womon I sow. Wherever I wenl, I soid hi to every womon I sow. I soid hi to 50, 60, even o hundred women o doy. I soid hi to hot women, ugly women, old women, young women-qll of them." He hod done greot work, ond he felt reolly good obout it.
umil[u Men who hove hod bod experiences with women usuolly develop hobits
thot moke it horder to connect wilh women. For inslonce, they never develop the hobit of expressing their virolity ond their physicol energy.
Toking such mossive oction hod positive results. He got his interruption
ond initiotion muscle so slrong thqt he wos empowered to boldly ond powerfully toke the next steps in tolking to women os we tought them to
ln foct, they ore often unoble to proiect ony form of excitemenl or "up vibe" oboul onything. These men hove repressed the ports of themselves thot disploy vitolity when interocting wiih others.
him. He become oble to toke opportunities os ihey presented themselves
ond gove himself o bios for oclion with women thot over time got him sex with o number of women ond eventuolly o girlfriend'
We're going tc discuss two types of vitolity: physicolvitolity ond vocol excitement. We'll show you how trr hqve more physicol vitolity ond vocol orcite-
menl in your lifu. Both will help you become more powerfulwith women.
Obviously, soying hi by itself wosn't enough, but
he point
is this: he
never would hove succeeded without leorning lo soy it. He got himself
to the point where he could initiote eosily, ond thot mode it possible for
pils$rctr HtH[$il0ll[ lf you don'l hove physicol excitement ond physicol energy, if you don't proiect
I
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o phyricol prosence, il/s hord for women to get excited obout
I
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you. lf you ore colm ond hove o flot offect, you've gol o problem. Women ore looking for someone who hos vitolity, possion ond energy.
tolking obout odding hond ond body movements for emphosis onry. you shouldn't wove your orms oround looking insone.
Put onother woy, do you come ocross os o guy who gets loid or os o guy
o befier ideo how ro use your body to emphosize whot you're
who is poinfully shy ond hord to tolk to?
To get
One woy to hove more vitolity is to oct with more urgency oround
tolking obout, wqtch lote-nighr-w tolk-show hosts ond comedions. TV performers ore good speokers becouse they're subtle ond groceful ond
women. Mony men treot life like o reheorsol. There's no energy or com-
use their body in o very noturolwoy. These people ore skilled or odding
milmenl behind whol $ey do. They oct like they con woit oround brever before toking oction. As o result, they oppeor to be wishy-woshy ond
body movements lo emphosize the humor in their monologues. studying these performers should give you on ideo how to integrote your body
they hove o flot offect. These men olso tend to come ocross os boring
into your own speoking style.
ond predictoble. lf you foll into this cotegory don'l worry. We'll teoch you methods of bringing more vitolity to your life. lt's o skill thot you cqn
Moke Eye contccr.
moster if you work on developing il over time.
ing yourself to moke eye conroct with women. when you enter o room, do you sweep rhe room moking brief eye confoct wirh women or do you
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Look over your life ond situotions in which you were interocting with
women. Did you hove o sense of urgency when tolking with them or were you flot ond wishy-woshy? Our hope is thot this book will inspire
Port of developing o physicor presence is troin-
look ot the floor ond tqy to hide? Most shy men ovoid eye contocr no motter whot.
one of the components of hoving o physicol presence
is
moking eye contrrcr with women os well os men. rfs importont thot you leorn to be seen by people ond feel comforroble being looked or.
when
you opprooch o womon, ir's cruciol thot you feel comfortoble looking ot her ond moking eye con'cct when you speok. Otherwise, you,ll come
ocross os wishy-woshy ond uninterested.
you to stort toking more risks with women ond feel more confident lo toke on life ot
o
much higher level thot you've ever felt comfortoble
doing before. Here qre five things thot will help you do iust thot.
You might find moking eye contoct scory. lf so, you,re not olone. Mony men find eye contoct intimidoting. We recommend thor you proctice this
Use Your Body
for
skill os often os you
Emphosis. When you use your honds ond
body os you speok, you'll come ocross os more possionole ond power-
con-on the troin, wolking down the srreet, ony-
where there ore women. over fime you'll feel more comfortoble.
ful. Don't go loo for, though, by pretending to hove on epileptic fil; we're
rl
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&
lli${tits
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right Donce ond Jump Around. Anoher thing you cqn stort doing five minutes eoch owoy is to put on o donceoble song ond spend ol leort oround lo the music' Mony men who ore doy doncing ond
iumping
to get excited intimidoted by women don,t give themselves permission They tend to obout ony'hing or to feel physicolly excited obout onything'
u0cil rilcm|llell[ When you're vocolly excited, you speok with o voriety of vocol lones; you don't iust tolk in o monotone ond soy the some thing over ond over. lf there oren't mony speed chonges or volume chonges in your speoking
by doncing to stoy colm ond flot. Troin yourself to be more spontoneous
style, you come ocross os deod. When you opprooch o womon ond ore
o song eveqy doy'
boring ond flot, she'll likely wont lo ovoid tolking to you. The reoson most guys tolk quietly is becouse they're scored of interrupting or upset-
let Yourself Screom.
lfs importont to let go ond moke some noise
ond screom loudly' l/s occosionolly. You mighr wont lo go into your cor
ting women. One woy to feel more confidenl is to leorn to speok from your bolls.
up or colm down imporlont thot you leorn to express yourself ond omp more excited is by depending on fie situotion. One woy to leorn lo be
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omplifying your voice'
Work Out. Working oul on o regulor
bosis is onother woy lo chorge
or run' you in turn up your body. When you feel greot ofter o workout
We first tolked oboui speoking from your bolls in chopter
l.
lt sounds
slronge, but il's very effective. We've oll hod moments when we felt strong ond confident ond mode no opologies for whot wos coming out
other people in proiect virolity io the women you inleroct with ond the it helps with siress life. Working out is importont, not only becouse
of our mouths. We've oll hod momenfs when we've soid something ond
it increoses your reliel ond keeps you in good shope but olso becouse form of oerobic physicol presence when you're with women' Find o
tened. lf you go bock ond think obout how it felt to speok powerfully,
your
exercise you enioY ond do il often'
These five suggestions
it felt like it iust come out of our core ond people iust stopped ond lis-
you'll find thot it come from your guts or oll the woy down from your bolls. Most likely it wos os if on energy come up from thot port of your
will help you develop physicol presence ond power
self-expressed with women. All of these exercises will help you be more women. Remember, ond will help you come ocross os more ottrqctive trc while you do them ond stop when it sficps being fun'
hove fun
body ond out your mouth. We're going to teoch you how to reproduce thot experience ot will.
Men who feel intimidoted oround tolking to women cut off their life ener-
gy ond their vitolity. When you speok from your bolls you feel more con-
fident becou3e you hove your life energy supporting you. When you hove vitolity ond confidence, tolking to women is much eosier.
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The ideo of speoking from your bolls or your guls is not thot unusuol.
in touch with their power. They ore used to ovoiding their bolls ond gurs when they feel scqred. You con troin yourself, however, to focus on this oreo; over time, il will greotly enhonce your self-confidence.
We know thot peok performers in sports ond other fields incorporote this concept into their success sirotegies. They get reolly grounded in their guls or their bolls; they feel o conneclion to thot oreo, they breothe into
it ond they get psyched up. Peok performers use this proctice to moke themselves feel strong, confident ond powerful before they speech
Breothing is on importont ospect of leorning to speok from your bolls. rt olwoys sounds silly when someone tells you to breothe; if we weren,t
go into o
breothing, we'd be deod, obviously. But you con breothe deep down
or importont situolion.
inside of yourself ond imogine the oir going
deeply-or you con breothe
This is on owkword thing to discuss; the notion of coming from your bolls
shollowly. when men feet intimidoted, they usuoily breothe shollowly.
is so foreign thot our only connection to tolking obout it is to ossociote it
Breothing deeply helps you relox. Spend
with mqsfurbotion. We wont you to stort ossocioting speoking from your
breothing deeply into your novel ond below, ond feering the power thot comes from fiot port of your body.
bolls with hoving the power to help you get whot you wont wilh women,
o few minutes eoch
doy
not with something to feel emborrossed oboul or hide from.
ing the energy qround your nwd ond your bolls. We're not tolking
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obout ierking off here or onything like thot-sense il internolly. Sense thot energy, sense your bolls, ond then breothe into it. Next, feel your
Just os you need physicol vitolity, you olso need to proiect vocol excire-
Here's how you con use this energy. Stort by closing your eyes ond sens-
ment. Here ore o few proctices to experiment with thot will enhonce your vocol copocity.
breoth circulote down io your guts ond bolls ond then come bock up. The more comfortoble ond fomilior you become with thot energy, the more confident you will feel with women. The more fomilior you ore with
'
dence when you ore tolking to women. This simple proctice con be done
lmogine thor there's on excirement merer inside of you. When the meler is of len, you ore bursting with excitemenl; zero equols
onytime, onywhere.
being deod. Mosr of the time shy men ore oround one or rwo on
thot energy, the eosier it will be to occess thot sense of colm qnd confi-
the excitemenr meter. They don't
ltt
os if they ore cut off below their
necks. They don't feel powerful ond insteod ovoid being grounded ond
n
uuuhou!$llsoli$ulll&-
let things
gel out of control, so they don,l get more excited. One woy for you to ger more excited is to put yourself in fronr of o mirror ond
When they first stort working with us, mosl of our students tend to speok
from their heods or their throot.
wonilo rock the boot or
_
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llsilt s0 llllr l0 li,0m0n
see how close
to 10 you con get. Try this for 30 seconds b o
minule ond see how it feels to hove the excilemenl circulole
ihrough your body.
.
I
8ili8}i&$
c01lcil$run You now know The Hi Progrom, ond how to implement it in your life. We
more excited obout something thon you normolly would be. You
invile you to decide to srort using The Hi progrom todoy. chose how mony women you ore going to soy hi to eoch doy, ond stort doing if.
con go into this one step ot o time; you don't hove lo peg it or 10
Keep trock. see whot comes up to block you, get firough those brocks,
right owoy. lf you're normolly ot one or two, let yourself go to four
ond celebrote your successes. The Hi progrom is the foundotion for rok-
or five, then groduolly roise the bor. This might seem crozy to you.
ing the next steps with women we will teoch you in upcoming chopters.
Spend time with onother person ond toke ot leost o minute lo gel
ln foct, it is silly, ond when you're excited you risk looking silly. When you're in the flow of being excited, however, ifs ottroctive to
You olso now know obout creoting ond increosing physicol ond vocol
women. You con get owoy with o lot more when you're excited
vitolity. Both of these foctors will be importont in you future obilities ro
oboul something thon you con when you're dull ond boring.
converse seductively with women.
People wont lo be oround excited people. lf you're willing to occept
your own enthusiosm obout things, which might be silly, other people will olso be okoy with it. lf you're willing to occept those silly ports of yourself, o womqn will know thot you will olso occept her silly ond owkword ports.
Act excited obout mundone things. You con choose to be excited obout life or you con choose to be deod. You con hide in your house, be ofroid to tqlk lo onyone ond be ofroid to show your interest in ony'hing, but this will only keep you further owoy lrom
women. The olternotive: gel engoged in life ond toke the risks to let yourself engoge wilh women. We're giving you permission to let yourself show your enlhusiosm.
x-.
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.
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one advances confidentlq in the dir'ection
and endeauors
dneams,
to live the life urhich he has imagined. he uill
meet ulith a succe$$ unetpected in common houns."
-110il'u
IauiI Ill0l'8fl[
There is on inner gome of tolking to women. lt's oll obout groppling with yourself ond deoling with your feors ot eveqy stoge of opprooching ond
tolking to women.
You might soy
fiol
there is o wor in your heod. There's o bottleground
inside you. Perhops there is o port of you thot wonts to tolk to women
while onother port is scored to deoth of reiection. One port of you wonts relotionships with women; onother port only wonls shorl-term sex. One
port of you feels shong ond confident; onother port of you feels scored ond intimidoted.
Lel's spend some lime looking ot the internol struggles reloted to seduc-
tion ond offering some tips on how to hondle the inevitoble internol problems thot come up when opprooching women.
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The other side of being defensive is being protective. Whot ore you pro-
tecting yourself from when you're tolking to women? Usuolly you ore protecting yourself from reiection or from looking like o moron, or else
you're simply tqying too hord to look good. Unfortunotely there is noth-
Defunding, opologizing ond prctecting yourself.
When tolk-
ing you con do but toke risks wiih women. You olwoys risk looking stu-
ing to women, mony men feel os if they hove to defend themselves. They
pid, being vulneroble ond being owkword. Approoching women
immediotely ossume thot every'hing o womon soys is o personol ottock.
inherently risky ond vulneroble. You hove to decide to live with it.
is
These men oct os if women ore oul to get them, out to humiliole them,
ond the only fhing they con do to reroliote is be prepored for on
Another common trop is opologizing for your sexuol inleresl. Shy men
inevitoble ottock.
feel os though opprooching women is wrong. They think thot if they show romontic or sexuol intreresl il in some woy hurts o womon. These
When Bob fhe bod seducer tolks to women he is conslontly on guord ond wondering when she will ottock him. He stores ot her with on ongry
men think they ore so powerful thot they con ruin ony womon's doy merely by commenting thot she is beoutiful or showing ony interest.
expression. When o womon osks him o personol queslion he tokes on o defensive tone ond soys, 'tVhot do you meon by fhot?" or
'lVhy do you
think thofs your business?" Bob is so wropped up in his poronoio $ot he is unoble to hove o conversqtion with o womon'
Strotegizing.
There ore concrete skills you con leorn to help you suc-
ceed with women. ll/s smort to study seduction moferiols;
stud this book
ond our other products ond leorn os much obout yourself, women, romonce ond sexuolity os possible. Studying, however,
Toking o defensive posiiion when you're tolking lo women does not work. When you toke on o defensive position ond ossume o womon is
ottocking you, being oggressive
is oll obout
preporotion. Once you're hoving on ocfuol conversotion with o womon/ oll the rules chonge.
or trying to horm you, you seem
uncomforioble, meon ond nosty. You need to be open when you're tolking fo women. When you're focused on defending yourself or opolo-
Once you're in on octuol conversotion with o womqn ifs best to try to
gizing for your sexuol interesl you connot listen to o womon ond connol hove fun with her. When you're with o womqn, look for times when
ent moment you need lo give up qny strotegy thot you moy hove.
you're defending ond protecting yourself ond times when you oren't'
forget obout forcing on oulcome; relox ond hove fun. To be in the pres-
There ore o few reosons why strotegizing does nol work:
Whofs the difference? Whot ore the internol triggers?
o
The experience of being with women chonges from moment lo
momont, to ony rtrotegy you employ will not be opplicoble to the
I
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n8 hnfr,
liilslllcn
hove ineviioble curvebolls women will throw ol you' How con you o strotegy for q situotion thol hos no predictobility? You con't'
Strotegizing mokes you blind to openings' When you ore tolking inito women lhere ore subtle openings to osk for phone numbers' tiote different types of conversotions, go lor the first kiss, ond not more. When you're focused solely on your strotegy you will
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qn octuol fight he uses evefihing he's ever leorned during his troining. He uses the blocks, the kicks, the punches ond more.
But to do thot, during the octuol fight he must give up ony strotegy ond
ony skill he's leorned ond be ovvore of the other fighter. He must be open
to responding to onything thot hoppens. lf he's focused on showing off,
be in on see the openings for moving things further' You need to
strotegizing or expecling the other fighter to fight o porticulor woy he's
odd Zenlike stote of being immersed in the situolion yet detoched solely enough to see when to osk for her phone number' lf you ore
in for o rude owokening. The momenl he storts thinking he understonds how fhe fight will go he'll likely get his oss kicked. The moment he storts
o kick or o punch, the other fighter will do something
focused on o slrotegy you'll miss the openings'
expecting
Fun Strotegizing is not fun' Why do we keep tolking obout fun? flow men lurn women on. When you're hoving fun you're in the
pletely different ond knock him out. With women you need to let go of
ond when you're miseroble ond struggling you ore not ottroctive' When you focus on o strotegy ond work hord to seduce women'
com-
ony strotegy ond skill you've leorned ond be open lo whotever hoppens.
When you con be owore, presenl ond open, tolking to women will be fluid ond fun.
like you toke oll the fun out of ir ond moke tolking to women feel
work. Relox ond find woys to enioy the experience' is Strotegizing mqkes you come ocross os o freok' A mon who focused on o sirolegy comes ocross os owkword ond uncomfortTelemorketers ore olwoys irying to use cule lines ond stupid
oble.
qs time questions lo engoge you ond they olwoys come ocross slrolwosters. Sqlesmen who hove on ogendo or ore using o soles
egy come ocross os creepy. When you ore focused on o slrotegy or using o technique you roo will come ocross os superficiol ond creepy.
Monipuloring.
Do you wont to leorn o surefire method for feeling like
o ierk? Do you wont to find o woy to feel guilty, crummy obout yourself ond regretful? Monipuloling women is one woy you con creole o situotion where you feel like o totol ierk.
We've worked with thousonds of men, ond the number one concern lhey hove in seducing women is thot they wont to dote ond hove sex without
being
o lerk. Men tell
us thot when they monipulote ond lie lo women
they feel terrible. They feel guilty ond depressed. Men tell us thot even when monipulotion works the cost is nol worth it. The ultimole cost for
his kicks, Think obout how o mortiol ortist goes into o fight. He works on
monipuloting women is your self-esteem. Fortunotely, you don'f need to
mushis punches, his blocks ond more. He works for yeors developing During cles ond strengih, procticing in the doio with his fellow students.
monipulote. You con build reol connections, using the tools in this book.
ll0l[ t0 $llt l0l{llnrn
lls
Looking for certsinty. lf you wont to leorn to be o powerful
seduc-
lsnsr fian$ 0f htftin{ 8l} t4t8m0n
Lefs get honest here. Hqrsh truths thot you must foce:
er then you need to stop looking for cerlointy. lf you ore seorching for o seduction method thot is bosed on certointy ond stobility you will foil
Some of our students meet women who hove boyfriends ond they
every time. Tolking lo women is qll obout uncertointy ond unpredictobil-
will not occept the foct thot the womon is olreody token.
ity. Tolking lo women is like iumping off
o high diving boord. So whol
Some of our students keep colling o womon even ofter o few dotes
or
hove gone bodly. They foil to occept the foct thot the womon is not
do you do? You con either climb bock down or decide not
trc iump
you con muster up the couroge lo go for it. lf you iump there ore o few
interested in them.
seconds in which you ore folling through the oir, which hels scory exhil-
Some of our students keep colling women even ofter o few dotes
oroting ond intense.
hove gone bodly. They foil to occept thot they don,t like the
womon! Tolking to women is like iumping off o diving boord. At first there is no
a
We oll meet women we find ottroctive who hove no interest in
woy of knowing how things will go. You don't know if she's got o bofriend, if you're her type, if you'll offend her with o comment or if
a
The vost moiority of women you tolk to ore not interested in you.
us.
To hove o chonce
l/s importont to see the truth ond occept focts. When you hold on to folse
ot success, however, you need to iump ond go for it ond understond thot
hopes ond lie to yourself i/s hord to succeed with women. poin con be
you hove no clue qbout whether you'll succeed or foil. We oll get scored
o greoi motivotor.
when we first opprooch o womon. We oll feel nervous ond uncertoin
befter to feel the poin of foilure ond loneliness, fhon it is to lie to your-
ond doubt our skills. You con still go for it, though. Your iob is to feel the
self. The poin con become on olly, not something to resisi. When you,re
feor ond still do it onyrroyl
oble to be honest it's much eqsier to come up with on qction plon ond
you'll toke her home thot night ond hove sex with her.
h/s
our belief thot ifls better to be honest ond reol, ifs
get bock into the gome of doting.
Resisting the truth. Mony of our students hove o hord time focing the horsh reolities of doting women. Most men wonl o sonitized version
Forcing qn outcome. As men, one woy we succeed in life is by forc-
of doting women; they wont the version without the risk of poin ond humiliotion. Guess whot? Tho/s not reol. Most women on this plonet ore
ing outcomes. lf you're o compufer progrommer, for instonce, through sheer hord work, discipline qnd drive you con occomplish neorly ony-
not the slightest bit interested in doting you. So whot? You're only look-
thing ond complete ony proiect. lf you're o doctor or on ocodemic you
ing for the hondful of women who ore.
con push yourself ond struggle through medicol school or struggle through your Ph.D. fiesis process. You con push yourself ot ony iob to work overtime, do odditionol studying, toke on odditionol responsibilities ond occomplilh firrks you never thought you could.
I
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succeeding with women is difhrent from succecs
oi work. when it
Mony men use fie theropist ploy to otlempt
trc
become lovers with women.
work qlone comes to seducing women hord work is importont, but hord
The ploy usuolly works this woy: o guy is o friend with o womon he wonts
will not bring you success. You con conFol o lot of oukomes ot work. you cqn,l control women. You connol conhol oulcomes with women.
to dote. He thinks thot if she opens up irc him emotionolly then it will like-
her on' None of us knows whot o porticulor womon wonts, whot furns issue of whot she,s looking for in o mon. so you connol opprooch the
will wont tc dote him. Then,
problems' how to seduce women in the some woy you would your work
lying.
With women il's oll on experiment. You show up, run some communico-
lo gel sex. We ore wholly ogoinst lying to women ond do not in onywoy
tion experiments like Deepening Questions ond Romontic Questions, if ond see whot the response is like. lf she's oPen you do some more'
encouroge you to lie. We wont you to cultivote the skills to creote relo-
ly leod ic sex. He thinks thot if he con solve her emotionol problems trc his
she
surprise, things pon out difhrently.
Some doting "experts" encouroge men to lie to women os o woy
tionships wilh women you con feel good oboul, nol regret.
she's unreceptive You move on.
Whot does lying soy obout you? Lying soys thot you ore the kind of guy
b
hove
who connot gel women by being honest. You connot get women unless
up ond do sex wiih you or be in the mood to mqke out"You con show
you pretend you're someone else. You cqnnol get women if you ore iust you. Lying leods to o lock of self-respect ond to regret.
This is olso true when going on dotes. You connot force o womon
your best to creote o romontic mood. Then ogoin, you con do everything line is perfectly ond she still might not be turned on by you. The bottom
Lying might work in the short term, but ultimotely ifs veqy costly. Whot if
twofold:
you end up reolly liking o womon ond wont to pursue o relotionship with a
You connoi control ouicomes with women'
her? Then she finds you out you lied to her ond she's no longer inlerest-
a
You con only show up ond do your best'
ed. Whot if you forget obout the lies you told ond o womon cotches you in one of your lies? How is thot going to go over? Whot if the word gets
You connol force outcomes with women' Do not even lry'
oround thol you're o lior?
Trying to solve q womon's problems
The bottom line is thoi lying is unnecessory ond tends to couse more
blow your is suicide. You might os well iust put o gun to your heod ond in you i[ broins out if you think o womon will be romonticolly interested
problems thon i/s worth. lnsteod, we recommend you cultivote internol
Trying to solve her problems.
you solve her problems.
rrrrlmlnuuglru,
integrity ond ovoid lying to women.
lh8 lnnfi! &a{ss sr mlsine 80 il,s'|s|t
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Comporingyourselftoothermen.Rorelyisitmotivotingtocomobout you pore yourself to orher men. This book ond this progrom ore into your life' ond you olone. ll's obout whot you con do to get women students We oll hove different experiences qnd skills. Whol most of our
women, do is look qt the bod boys, ond the men who ore with the hofiesl
a a a
to other men is not useful. Who/s useful is constructing o plon of oction
fhot improves your skills.
Beoting up on yourself. One
key difference between successful
seducers ond unsuccessful seducers is thot the most successful seducers
ond feel ieolous ond depressed. Our studenls soy things like:
o
products.) No motter where you ore in lhe process, comporing yourself
don't beot themselves up. lnsteod, they constontly focus on the woys in
Other men ore rich ond con therefore eosily get women' Other men live in o city with more hot women per copito'
which they ore successful with women.
women' Other men hove o iob thot is more conducive to meeting eosier Other men ore younger thon I om ond therefore hove on
Doting women is o long-term proiect, qnd os with oll long-term proiects
big sleps forword; sometimes, smoll steps bockword. Along the woy you there will be upset, poin, horsh reolity, scory moments, fun ond ioy.
time. a
Other men qre toller.
a
Other men ore in betier physicol shope'
a
Other men ore iust nolurols.
the gool is smoll incrementol progress over time. somerimes there will be
need to develop on internol opprooch trc see the positive steps you toke
with women. ln the confusing, long odyssey of doting women, you need
to constontly look ot the movement ond steps you've loken ond con-
other All of these excuses ore trops. There is nothing you con do oboui
stontly compliment ond reword yourself for your own progress.
men; oll you con do is chonge yourself' You con either look ot eoch interoction with women qnd kick yourself for
oll the lucky Rother thon focusing on whot olher men ore doing ond inexperienced breoks they hove, whot con you do? Moybe you're veqy
the woys you blew it or you con celebrote the foct thot you octuolly did
women. lf with women ond to you i|/s o huge siretch iust to soy hi to from thofs hord for you then srort by soying hi ond build your skills
life for mony of our students. They moke o proctice out of feeling guilty
somefiing. Unfortunotely, beoting up on yourself hos become o woy of
for ony opportunities they didnt toke with women, errors they mode
qnd need to slort experimenlthere. Other men feel more comfortoble men ing with the o&onced conversoiionol modes in this book' Some
while tolking to women ond opportunities to osk for phone numbers they
Mostery moy feel clueless obout doting women ond wonl to buy The for course becouse they need o comprehensive progrom
do correctly. When you con see the things you've done correctly ond the
Progrom oudio
wwwhowtosucmeeting ond doting women. (Check out our web site' ceedwithwomen.com, for more informotion on thoi ond
ofier
urulnrhnnr{fl
helpful
didn't toke. lnsteod, we recommend you keep irock of oll the things you
woys you've pushed yourself in new directions, if will enhonce your self-
confidence. lf you only focus on the things you didn't do correctly you,ll nevar improvc,
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your finger! stop beoting up on yourself or Louis & copelond will breok
Perhops your eventuol gool is trc go trc bors ond trrlk to women, but ot the
lf beoting up on yourself worked we'd tell you'
momenl you're terrified of doing so. lnstreod, you con stort tonighl by
going to bookstores ond soying hi to
l0
women. lf you're home on the
i/s importonl to develop lis-
couch, see if you con get motivoted io toke one smoll sirep toword tolking
soys iening skills. when you ore oble to lisien corefully lo whot o womon likes ond you leorn importonl informotion obout her. You leorn whot she
lo women by leoving your house. Moybe you'll lust go to the coffee shop
Not lisfening.
To be on effective seducer
ond smile ot o bw women. Tho/s o much bigger step thon stoying ot
she's possiondislikes. You leqrn whot she considers romontic ond whot inlo more seducote obouf. You olso leorn how to move the conversotion
home.
ideos ond tive depths. These detoils ore useful in coming up with dote olso in creoting more ropport between ihe two of you'
Scomming women.
I
Remember the line from the movie Body Heat
obout the perfect crime?
'A
'perfect crime.' lf you're
o genius, you con think of 50 of them. And
hundred things con go wrong with every
obout All too often men don't listen to women becouse they're thinking
you're not o genius." Do guys who use tronsporent scoms lo gel women
to osk. Deol the next step in o seduclion or moybe iust the nexl question q will your internoldiolog when you ore tolking to womon ond you
ocfuolly think women ore dumb enough to foll for them? We know o hot
with
young bisexuol femqle who spends o lot of time online. She soys ifs not shocking thot men
be oble to poy otlention to her.
iry to scom on her online-its iust shocking how
tronsporenl these scoms usuolly ore.
Being on the couch qnd wishing you wene our flirting wirh women. h's eosy lo sit on he couch ol home wonting to interoct with
The bottom line is this: most of the time when you think you're getting owoy
wonl to go women. We oll get frustroted ond depressed ond iust do not woy to get out ond proctice our seduction skills. But there is no olher
with something, you're octuolly being incredibly obvious. This mokes peo-
They ore women. They ore not going to porochub into your bockyord' They ore not not going to suddenly knock on your door ond beg for sex'
wont.
beg going chose you down the sireet ond then toke off their shirt ond you to feel them up then ond there' lt iust oin't gonnq hoppen'
Mony of us leorned eorly on in life rhot the only woy to get oheod is to
ple-especiolly women-hob you ond not wont
trc give
you whot you
scom people. h/s either be o scom ortist or get nothing ot
oll-or,
even
worse, be screwed by eveqybody else scomming you. The problem with
get up' leove the Here's how we recommend you chonge this pottern:
this is thot while scomming moy get some results occosionolly, ir costs
house ond go onyaAere other thon home'
you your self-respect ond selFesteem os o mon. Scomming is whot o guy does when he's looking for o quick fix for life's problems, ond quick fixes
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trynever work in fhe long term. How does o guy feel obout himself ofter
Beniomin Fronklin once soid, "lf roscols knew the pleosure of virtue, they
ing some lome pickup line or rouline on o womon ond hoving her throw
would become virtuous out of sheer roscoliry." When you work fie fun-
her drink in his foce? How does o guy feel obout himself when he spends
domentols ond build connecrions with people-whot Fronklin might coll
$50 on pheromone cologne ond it hos no effed on women?
being virluous-you reolly con get whot you wonl.
Often guys with o scom orientqtion think thot ifs olmost o duty to toke os much os they con from people. lf you give them on inch, they try to
Not qsking for the number or stepping up the seduction. seize opporlunities when they ore in front of you! opporrunities ore
tqke o mile. lf they con get o mile, they go for even more. lf you ore like
there for one reoson: for you fo toke them. yes ir's true, if you foil to toke
this, women you lry to scom on will sense it ond ovoid you. Businesses
opportunities life will not end, ond you shouldn't beot yourself up. At the
yov
lry to
scom
will cotch you. scoms ore hord on your
self-respect.
some fime, the world of tolking ro women is oll obout creoting bigger
to Even when they work, they reinforce the ideo thot you hove to scom
ond bigger openings to risk toking things to rhe next level. perhops you
get by in life, ond thot hos o psychologicol cost'
wont to tolk to o womon ond you risk tolking to her; the next risk is osking her out. Push yourself to toke the next risk. push yourself to go for it.
Men ore fomous for confusing kindness for blindness. Just becouse o womon is nice doesn'l meon she won't hit bock if you try irr scom on her.
When on opportunity shows up, go for it, rother thon regret not going for it loter.
The belief thqt you con or should toke people for oll you con gel ultimotely
does not work with women or for getting the life you wonl. lf you wont something from someone, you've gol lo moke on effort to build o mutu-
olly beneficiol connection. You must creote positive flirting conversotions thot give women good feelings ond moke them wonl to see you ogoin'
Only rrying one opprooch or experimenting with one technique or niche. lf you use only one technique in this book, you will foil. successful seduction
is built on o foundotion of experimentotion.
You never know with ony degree of certointy whot will eventuolly work. You need lo experiment
wifi online doting,
meeting women in bors, try-
Whot's reolly needed is to get out of the entire scom orientqtion. A
ing mony different niches ond constontly being on the lookout for new
seducer who isn't o scom ortist underslonds thot poying the price is whot
ploces to find women. You must try o voriety of different opprooches.
o mon iust wonls to know whot the price is. He isn't trying to pull o fosf one. This shows up with women in leorning how to moke o reol, humon, romontic connection, even if your gool is o shorl-
leffing your onger ond frusfrqlion qt women lhrough in your communicqrion.
term sexuol relotionshiP.
out in the world risking ond tolking ro women. h con be stressful, scory
ifls oll obout. Such
come
lt con be very frustroting to be
ond downright oggrovoting. lr's very frustroting to wolk down the street
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with them. ond see so mony hot women ond feel like you hove no shot lfs frustroting to see other men hove the
success you wont'
$0lllfl0ll$ Be quthentic. We've olreody tolking obout being self-expressed ond
fruslrotionThe solution is to creote spoces where you con let out your
hoving chorocter. Women wont o mon who is interesting ond interested.
spqces where there ore no women oround'
You need to find your edge, the ports of yourself thot ore unique. Women wonl
us do' you need lf you ore o guy who gets frustroted eosily, ond mony of mon to find outlets for thot frustrotion' lf you come ocross os on ongry
most likely to women they will not only be turned off by you, they will find you intimidoting ond wont to ovoid you. You need to understond lf you your frustrolion enough to see when it's coming out with women' o nice guy you moy come ocross os orrogont ond meon'
ore
o
mon with possion ond energy. Look ot how you con
express yourself with women ond show your chorocfer.
Hqve fun.
Fun ollrocts more fun. Depression oilrocts more depression;
feor otirocts more feor. women wont to be oround fun men. one reqson comedions get women, even though mony comedions ore not por-
ticulorly otfroctive, is becouse they ore fun to be oround. women find men who moke them lough or ore fun to be oround sexy ond
Here's how you come con come ocross os ongry lo women:
exciting-
in o$er words, potentiol lovers. For mony women ployfulness, fun ond sexiness ore linked. Hove fun ond moke every interoction fr-rn for both of
a
Seeming snotty
a
Seeming iudgmentol
a
Seeming dismissive
Give up how it hos to look. When
a
Seeming like you ore lecturing people
you need to give up your ideos of how o conversotion or interoction
a
Soying things thot seem like roundoboui woys of telling people
should look. You never know whot will hoppen. Moybe you end up tolk-
to shui up
ing to o womon ot o concert ond you get her number but don't bring her
a
Joking oround in woys thot seem condescending or potronizing
home. Moybe o womon seems reolly into you but never colls you bock.
a
Being sorcostic in woys ihot seem meon
you.
you,re deoling with women
Moybe she's only interested in you os friend ond not o lover. you will not
find this out unless you give up your preconceived notions of how ir
women ond This does not meon you hove to wolk on eggshells oround respectfully ond oct like you ore Mr. Hoppy oll the time' lt meons you oct
should look, ond find out whot reolly is there. you hove no clue whot the
do not come ocross os o meon guy.
or her interest level, oll you con do is show up ond go with the flow.
suu,llutuutffi."
relotionship will look like. And since you connot control the interoction
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By going with the flow we don't meon being totolly possive ond not try-
ing to move things into o more seductive reolm; you should toke risks to
filllits
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tolk to obout how your seducfion experimenrs ore going. A buddy good becouse you con coll him for support bounce ideos off of him.
is
moke things os seductive os possible. But if you ore too focused on get-
ting o number/emoil oddress or hoving on inleroclion look o porticulor
Hwing someone you con blk b obout women on o regulor bosis
woy you will miss the direction she wonts things to go. You will miss the
ful in stoying motivoted, pushing yourself ond overcoming trouble. you
cues she's giving you ond openings lo toke the interoclion deeper.
will olso leorn o lot obout yourself by being o buddy ro onother mon in
is
very help-
helping him dote women. h's o porodox. At one
pointyou need to give up ony ottochment ond ony
focus on whof things need to look like. At the other you need to try to
Focus on your gools ond keep your
push things inlo more romontic spoces. Be cognizont of both of these
ond soying hi to women. You need to come up
opprooches qnd do your best lo stoy in behveen both.
This meons you hove gools, both shorr ond long-rerm. This meons you
word to yourself obout opprooching
wifi o seduction
plon.
come up with o strotegy to proctice tolking to women. perhops you com-
Cut off communicotion qnd ovoid people ond situotions thot moke you uncomfortoble. Sometimes you need to cut o dote short ond leove.
A mon who hos selFrespect does nol stoy in situotions
where he feels condescended to, obligoted to poy for things thot don't
mit to soying hi to
l0
women per doy, procticing the Romontic Moves o
few limes per week ond hoving qt leost two Deepening conversotions (oll of which you will leorn loter in this book). Whotever your gools ore
you need to push yourself to keep your word.
feel right or offended or otherwise mode uncomfortoble by o womon' unsuccessful seducers don't toke
fieir
promises seriously ond blow off
Once ogoin we're not tolking obout being rude or meon, bul sometimes
occomplishing their gools. successful seducers keep their word no mot-
dotes ore not going well ond even feel reolly bod. We're giving you per-
ter whot. lf they promise to tolk to o cerroin number of women eoch doy
mission to leove these situolions ond go somewhere else. You do not need
or week, they do it.
to subiect yourself to women ond situolions thot feel bod. You will likely end up folking to ond doting women who you're not into being oround.
Moke ir inro o gqme.
ln those situolions the best tqctic is to leove when there's on opportunity
emotionol components to deoling with women; yes, ir feels like your ego
trc
do
Tolking to women is o gome. yes, there ore
is on the line oftentimes, but ir's only o gome. lfs not reor. lt's not o mor-
so.
ter of life ond deoth. There ore no reol consequences.
Stoy in communicqtion wirh friends qnd buddies. One of the best woys to increose your skills with women is to hove o buddy you con
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So how con you shift the focus from being serious ond heovy to hoving fun ond enioying the gome? You con stort trocking your progress, doing
Be experimentol. You never know whot will work for you until you try it. Port of being experimentol is trying new things. Be open to trying
things iusr for the hell of it, checking things oul knowing i/s not thot seri-
new things rother fhon dismissing them beforehond. Being experimentol
ous ond creoting your own rules.
meons you reolize thot you need to go through
o bunch of
interqctions
bebre one works so you might os well rry o bunch of stuff in rhe meontime.
Dqnce in the conversolion. Hove you hod the experience where you were folking fo someone ond time iust seemed to stqnd still ond the
Perdops you check out "speed doting" or you onswer o personol od, lusilrc
next thing you knew hours hod possed? ln those moments you were in
check it out. Moybe you check out
the flow, you were doncing in the conversotion. You were open ond free
women, or q yogo closs-onything our of the norm. The most successful
ond iusr reolly synched up with the other person. So how do you replicote thd experience? There is no cleor poth to doing it every doy or ol
seducers ore olwoys trying out nav things, coming up
will.
Just be open to doncing in o conversotion lodoy. The gool is to hove
o new
ploce where you might meet
wifi nal
opprooch-
es, checking out neur sociol opporfunities ond experimenting with nov opprooches.
fluidity in your communicolion. your gut. You need to storilrusting yourself when you inieroct with women. We soy thot when you,re qttrqcted to o womon ond feel some Trust
Hqve self-respect.
The problem with domoging your self-respect to
pursue o womon is thot it is selFreinforcing: the more your betroy your
own self-respect ond grovel to o
womon, the more likely you ore to
spork between the two of you, trust
fiot.
Trust your intuition with women.
Trust your gut when deoling with women
violote your self-respect with o womon, it orouses her contempl for you,
in oll phoses of seduction. when o situqtion doesn't feel right get out of it. tf you meet o womon ond something obout the interqction feels off, trust thot feeling. Trust
ond she will treot you even worse. lf you stoy oround for thot, she'll hurt
yourself.
betroy yourself ogoin the next lime. To moke motters worse, when you
you even more. You'll be left wondering why you-such o nice, understonding
will
guy-ore cought
up with o womon who treqts you so bodly. lt
oll be becouse you sold your self-respect for sex, which is o bod deol
ond olmost never octuolly gels you the girl.
Add urgency. one of the differences between
successfur ond unsuc-
cessful seducers is thot successful ones hove urgency in their seducrions. successfr-rl seducers hove o gutsy quolity obout their lives where they ploy
full-out ond reolize thot this could be their one ond only opportunity to This doesn'i meon you should be meon lo o womon, go crozy or do ony-
seduce
thing else thot would domoge your self-respect. You iust hove to decide
quickly ond deliberotrely. You oct swiftly ond cut to the chqse. you go for il. You iump in, You byposs the doubts ond the excuses ond do it.
where the line is ond live with it intelligently.
o porticulor womon.
Urgency meons you go for il, you move
lust
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urgency meons This is not o proctice life; this is the reol thing' Adding il' you osk you osk her oul, you opprooch her rother thon worry obout you get oul for her number, you moke the cqll rother thon procrostinote,
life with ond proctice, you odd o little more do-or-die quolity to your women.
$0'n&
8f llN*iing lil| trysglsll
rother thon to follow her commitment. Another woy ro soy this is to soy thql women ore, on the whole, more committed to doing whot their emo-
tions fell them
fion they ore to keeping their word. Don'r
ler rhis drive
you crozy. h/s not bod, iust different from the woy you qre.
Women wont to be free to chonge lheir minds.
Women wont to be oble to chonge their minds os much os they wont whenever they
R tEtll Rlll$$
wont for whotever reoson ihey wont or for no reoson ot oll. This moy
0f t[olnBll
seem crozy
or illogicol toyou, but remember-she's following her feel-
hey We've noticed thot mony of our students ore frustroted becouse in the some expect women trc oct the woy men do, ond to be motivoted
ings, not her verbol commitments.
o[ the rules woy men ore. To help correct lhis, we've put trcgether this list
Women use hints snd innuendoes to tell you whot they wonl. When you interoct with women, don,l expect them to be direct
ofwomen.
with you obout whot they wont. Once ogoin,
fiis
isn,t being screwed-
women who ore These rules ore generolizotions; you will, of course, find
up, it's lust o difference in the woys men ond women do things. This
line is' your exceptions to oll o[ lhem. Don't worry obout it' The boftom os though these interoctions with women will go more eosily if you oct
meqns thot when you osk women whot they wont you should provide o
rules ore lrue.
menu of options rother thon expecting them to generote ideos.
Women wonl life
fo be on unending dote. Women wont
not iust screwed-
things fo be romontic. ln some woys they prefer on emotionol roller-
os if they up or illogicol men. They ore women' lf you relote to women oct screwed-up men, you'll olwoys be trying to moke women
coosler to o smooth ride. Another woy to soy this is to soy thoi women
Women qre nol ecrewed'uP men' Women ore were iust
the woy you wish they would
hove o wide emotionol ronge ond wont lo express ii fully.
oct-thot is, the woy you would oct'
Women cqn be surprisingly meon. Mony
men who,ve gone
men ore
through o divorce hove found out how surprisingly meon women con
likely to more likely to hove integrity to their word, women ore more
be. ln some woys this is becouse women ore more invested in the con-
feelings tell hove integrity to their feelings. This meqns thqt i[ o womon's do, such os her to do something thot is controry to whot she soid she'd
cept of foirness thon men ore. while you don't expect life to be foir ond
Women hcrve o different inregrity fiom men' While
showing up for
o dole, she's likely to do whot her feelings tell her to
u*ut'ilumrt1iEiflt.
don't think obout it much, the women in your life very well mighr. So if
lltltn s0 ial& x0 l,r0rn8n
you feel shqfted, you might not do much obout it'..but if o womon feels shofted, often she feels il's only foir lor her lo even lhe score ond toke revenge.
Women wqnl whot they wont when lhey wonl it becquse
they wont it.
Asking o womon why she wonts somelhing-or, even
cltflp[Bt' 4 Hflllnu]l$ md00fl0il fllt[ PAnrc Rr0[nn u01n0[
worse, why she doesn't-is olwoys o mistoke. She wonts it becouse she wonts il. Which, when you think obout it, is bosicolly true for you too. Give her the spoce lo wonl whot she wonts when she wonts it becouse
By this poinf, you moy hove storted The Hi progrom. lf you hove, how is
if it doesn't moke sense to
it going, interrupting women by soying hi ro them? Is it hord or eosy? Are you toking opportunities or not? Are you storting to see
she wqnts it qnd don't let it drive You crazY
you.
rhot there
ore o lot of women oround you oll the time whom you usuolly tune out ond ignore? Are you seeing opportunities ond purposefully not toking them? Or ore you one of those guys who soys, ,lV'ell,
soying hi to
c0llcil$l0ll lf you ore reolly going to effectively use ihe tools in this book, you hwe
ic
women is going to be reolly eosy. rn focr, ir's so eosy thot fomorrow."
lll
pur it off till
hove o sense of how trc hondle the "inner gome" of tolking lo women, os well os the skill-bosed "ouler gome" of tolking
trc
them. You hqve to be oble
to hondle rhe chollenges provided by your own
issues with women, ond
your own foors. ln this chopter you hove storted lhol process. ln the next chopter; you'll leorn how to hondle foor of reiection ond ponic. Once you
Not soying hi ond not interrupting women becouse ir's roo eosy is o foirly stondord scom. Just reolize thot soying hi moy be more inrimidoting thon you thought. Accept thot foct, stop moking excuses ond go ond soy hi to some women.
hove those hondled, you'll be in o greot ploce for beginning to tolk to women.
.
lnterrupiing women by soying hi, osking her
o queslion or using ony other method will hove or leosr one cerroin consequence: some percentoge of the time you will experience reiection. This probobly doesn,t come os such o huge shock, does it? you were probobly thinking obout it before this poinr '!V'oit o minute-if I soy hi ro women ond interrupt them, thoy'll shoot me down!" rnterrupting women, while ir does leod to success, will olso inevitobly leod to some reiection. lt could be poinfull
I
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The problem with ovoiding poin by never inlerocting with women is thot
Romontic conversorions; sometimes you'll experience reiection there rrco.
you end up with o life in which you ore depressed ond lonely ond (por-
At every stap-getting her number; osking her out, going for thot first kiss,
odoxicolly) end up feeling reiecied oll the time ony,rroyl So it mokes
oll of
sense
lo leorn how to hondle reiection so you con minimize or
obliterote ihe impoct
even
ii hos on you ond thus interocf more freely with
it-you will
sometimes experience reiection. Knowing how fic hondle
it ond how tc keep moving forword, even in the foce of foor of reiecrion, is criticol.
women. This choptrer will give you concrete octions ond steps you con toke to deol with reiection powerfully. This trcol for hondling reiection
is
Becouse seduction is o numbers gome/ you'll wont to move firough o lot
simple but it hos dromoticolly chonged our lives. Being oble to hondle
of women lo get to fhe eventuol yeses
reiection is the oil thqt lubricotes our system for tolking lo women. You must leorn how to use it.
through those nos, those relections, os quickly ond efficienrry os you con while keeping your spirits high. since we developed this rool, we,ve
Leorning to tolk to ond seduce women is o process, ond eoch step of thot
been oble to lough in the foce of reiecrion (ot leost some of the time), deol with it ond move on without ir being o big problem (olmost oll of
process you risk reiection. When you interrupl women ond soy hi, you
the time). You must be oble to do this, too.
fiot you wont. you'll wonilo move
risk reiection. When you flirt wilh women, you risk reiection. When you conduct Romonlic Conversotions, you risk reiection. When you osk for o
womon's phone number qnd emoil oddress, you risk reiection' When
you osk o womon for o Priming Dote, you risk reiection. When you go on o Priming Dole, you risk reiection. When you go for q first kiss, you
we moke o lot of oppeoronces on rodio ond TV coll-in shows qnd we receive emoil from o loi of men. The number one question we ger is "How do I hondle reiecfion?" Here,s how you con do it the woy thot top seducers do.
risk reiection. When you go for more, you risk reiection. Every step of the woy, you ore risking reiection with women.
fl0llt $[cc0$$Fil am llll$llcc0$$Flll
To moke molers worse/ os you leorn how to lolk to women, you ore likeot every step in lhe process ot one time or qnother.
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When you first stort interrupting ond soying hi lo women, you ore like-
Le/s compore how men who consistently
ly to feel s1cpped by the women who reiect your interruptions. ln lime, you
tion with how relection is hondled by men who succeed
ly to be rejected
will get through
hot ond get into conversotions with women.
You will try
ilallilg R0decfl0n foilwith women hondle reiec-
wifi
women.
There's o fundomentol difference.
the Fli*ing Moves; somelimes they'llwork, olher times they'll be reiected. Get through fhot ond stort showing your romontic interest ond conducting
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First, let's toke o look ot how guys who foil with women hondle reiection
of oll of her friends iust ro tqlk obout the houmo thot Bob put her
ond the feor of reiection. When Bob the bod seducer is reiected by o
through. He imogines thot his reputorion, such os it wos, is ruined. He tells himself fhor now "everyone will knov/' he wos rrying to be o seduc-
womon, the first thing he does is moke thot womon into his "one-ond-
only hope" of ever hoving sex ogoin. He does this by ideolizing her: "She wos so
prefi
er-ond
it's oll becouse he bungled things so bodly.
ond I never get to meet women like her. She hod the
whole pockoge-greot body, owesome tils, broins, o successful coreer. She reolly could hove been 'the one'!"
And then Bob wonders why it tokes him four months to get up rhe nerve to opprooch onother womon, ond why torking ro women is so incredibly hord.
The second thing Bob does is decide thot her reiection of him is his fqult.
He'll tell himself, "She reiected me becouse l'm so ugly ond l'm stupid.
Whol mokes me think l'd be ottroctive lo o womon like her, onywoy? l'm
sure, this is on exrreme exomple. But the weird thing is thot ifs not oll thqt unusuol. We've known mony men who do this-ond
nol otlroctive. All I om is o piece of shit. I know thot. Plus, whot I soid to
themselves on
her wos incredibly stupid. I reolly hondled it wrong. I reolly freqked her
eifher of us osked o womon our ond she soid no, or if either of us tried
out. I should iust crowl bock into my hole ond die. l'll never succeed with
to kiss o womon ond she soid, ,,Oh, I only like you os friend,,, o we,d go inio the whole "l suck, she wos so prefl;y', routine. We,d moke her our
women. Why do I olwoys hove such bod luck with women? I suck."
But
woit-there's morel After evisceroting himself in step two, Bob, ond
unsuccessful seducers like him, tokes onolher key step loword using this
reiection to keep himself from ever toking
worse!-ro o regulor bosis. Heck, we even used to be such guys. lf
one-ond-only hope, then soy, "rf only r were more onroctive or luckier or smorter or riche/' or whorever... Then we'd dwell in the poin for doys ond use lhot "foilure" ro moke ir even horder to opprooch women ogoin.
o risk with o womon ogoin:
of it. Thot's right, ofter moking the womon inio
Just the other doy we irrlked to o guy who hod this problem. He told us
"the perfect womon" ond moking the reiection completely his own foult
obout how he went bollroom-doncing o month ogo ond o womon there reiectred him. This wos o month ogo ond he wos stirr recreoring the poin of il, over ond over, on o doily bosis. He con,t even opprooch other
he wollows in the poin
ond coming up with on explonotion for the reiection thot is os poinful os he con devise, brilliont Bob dwells in thol poin.
women becouse he's too busy reliving the poin of thot one reiection. He reploys the experience of being reiected over ond over, giving him-
You've probobly done this too.
self o new dose of emotionol poin every time he relives it. He imogines
the look on her foce when she reiected him ond thinks how upset she
People noturolly think thot they need ro know they con survive whorever
musl hove been. He tells himself thot she no doubt convened o meeting
life might throw ot them. so in order to be sofe, when o womon reiects o mon, poil of him wonts to moke thot relection os bod os
possible so
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thot he knows he con survive il no motter how bod it gets. People coto-
they con only feel oll thot poin. once you'reoble to reverse thot process
strophize reiection ond moke it much worse thon it is to see if they con
ond hove experiences of being reiected thor oren'r upsetting, it will be much eosier to iniliote more with women-ond to hove more success.
moke iilhrough. You ore probobly doing the some thing when you tqy to moke sure you con survive the worsl possible explonotion obout why o womon moy hove reiected you.
Now lel's look of reiection firough the eyes of q successful seducer.
Cotostrophizing probobly comes noturolly to humon beings. Think obout
When q successful seducer like Bruce encounrers reiection, he olso fol-
it. Which of our oncestors were more likely to survive-the ones who
lows o three-step process, olbeit o different one from Bob's. when Bruce
never worried obout ony'hing or the ones who worried constontly obout
encounlers reiection, the first thing he does is remind himself thot doting
things thot could go wrong ond who mode sure they were reody for ony
is
bod thing thoi might come olong? Obviously, the oncestors who worried
hope. sfotisticolly, whotever you do with o womon is probobry going to
obout possible future problems hod on edge on those who never worried.
foil onywoy becouse thot's iust life. He soys this to himself: "Greqr. Thofs one more no I don't hove lo heor on my woy lo on inevitoble yes.,,
The some principle does not hold true when it comes to reiection. Those
second, Bruce comes up with on explonorion of her reiection thot does
who put themselves through the poin of reiection over ond over don'l
not moke it his fouh. specificolly, he creores on explonotion for the reiec-
men who don't think obout reiection. li's unneces-
tion thot is becouse of he4 not becouse of him. He moy soy to himself, "She must be o lesbion" or "She must be ill,, or ,,Moybe her dog iust
hove on edge on
fie
sory ond it doesn't help the slightest bit in getting you whot you wont
wifi women. ht
like Mork Twoin soid: "l've suffered mony horrible mis-
fortunes, mosl of which never hoppened'" You don't need lo hove o life
o numbers gome ond thot in no wqy is this womon his one-ond-only
died." lt doesn't motter whor it is os long os
ir,s somerhing thot his broin
con lotch on to thot isn't cotostrophic ond thot doesn,t involve him.
of horrible misfortunes thot never hoppened. Jusl becquse you con moke something bod emotionolly doesn'f meet lhot you should. You ore not
Lefs spend q few moments tolking obour this strep becouse it is so impor-
obligofed to do so iust to prove thot you con survive it. Knowing this will
tont ond so hord for
help o lot in the oreo of reiection.
explonotion is horribly negotive ond poinful doesn't meon you ore
o lot of fie
men we work with. Just becouse on
required by low to believe ir. The truth is you hove no clue why she reiect-
One of the moin reosons thot tolking to women is so difficult for most men is thot $ey've creoted so much emolionol poin -thonks to their woy
ed you. Moybe she wqs in o hurry. Moybe her cot died. Moybe she does-
of hondling reiection-thot when they think obout risking with women
worsi possible explonotion. Moke up something positive! lt reolly is iust os likely to be true or 3ome horrible explonotion tho/s oll obout you.
I
n't speok English. You don't know, ond it doesn'f serve you to believe the
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Guys so often think thot they ore oll-knowing ond omnipotent. But the
You musl not moke this mistoke. you must come up with on explonotion
truth is you ore not the center of o womon's universe; she is the center of
for the reiection fhot is not obout you. Let's soy thor ogoin: you must come up with on explonotion fhot is not obout you. Moke it her prob-
her universe. The reosons why she does things ore more likely to be obout her thon obout you. Bul it's incredibly common for o guy ttc think thot o womon's world is obout him. He'll tell himself,
"l know why she
lem. Moke it
o
problem with the environment. rt doesn,t motter- just moke it o problem thot hos nothing to do with you.
didn't soy hi bock. She could tell thot l'm o bod guy, thot I iust wont to get in her ponts ond l'm only interesled in sex." Meonwhile, the guy isn't
importont enough to the womon for her to spend her processing cycles
on oll these detoils obout him. She's iust trying to moke it through the doy, she hos incredible cromps, her feet hurt, she's mod ot her boss or wholever.
lmogine you soid hi to the womon ot the grocery srore. she didn,r soy hi bock. Whot ore some explonotions thot hove nothing to do with you? "She iust got stobbed wifh o pencil in her leg.,, ,,She,s suffering from
omnesio." "She iusl got out of the hospitol.,, ,,She,s been here since 5 o.m. ond is exhousted." ,,She,s hoving her period.,, lt doesn,f motier. come up with some explonotion. one thot works reolly well is
"oh,
Believe it or not, the womon who reiected you does hove o life outside
guess she's just reolly in her own world." Usuolly i/s true. Usuolly women
of you. And thot life is much more likely to be the reoson thot she reiecF
ore iust cought up in their own world-ofrer oll, everyone
r
is.
ed you thon is her obility ond inclinotion to see into your soul ond divine
whot o scummy guy you ore. She's iust not thot interested in you. She hos problems of her own.
Now
b
the third ond finol step. Afler Bruce reminds himself thot doting is o numbers gome ond fiol she wosn'r his one-ond-only hope
ond ofter
he comes up with on explonotion for her behovior thot hos nothing to
DAVID: l'm thinking obout o time o few yeors ogo when I thought I wos
do with him, he redirects his focus toword something empowering.
reiected by o womon. I soid hi to her ond mode some olher remork
ond she iust trotolly blew me off. She ignored me complebly ond
once ogoin, you ore not required by low to dweil in your suffering ond experience the poin of reiection over ond over ogoin becouse you
wolked owoy. I wos left thinking thot I must hove done something
iusr
wrong. I felt like o trchl wodhless bum. I mentioned fiis incident to o friend of hers who osked me, 'lVere you on her left?" I soid yes, wos. He soid,
'Vell,
con. smort seducers think obout something else-onything else. pick up q newspoper; listen to the rodio, go wotch W, go on o wolk, go flirt with
I
she's very hord of heoring in generol ond con't
qnother
womon-do something, but do it insrontoneousry, ond
your-
self get into doing it. The longer you woir, rhe more likely it is you will
when l'm tolking to her." lt turned out she hqdn't heord me! The
dwell in your poin. You've gof to keep moving.
"reiection" hod nothing to do with me ot oll. I thought, '!Vhy didn't
I
come up with thot explonotion?"
t
ret
heor in her left eor ot oll. I olwoys moke sure to be on her right
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One greol ottention-redirecting question is 'lVhot do I wont to do right
You probobly know
now?" Often this question will help refocus the energy of the reiection
impervious to reiection. When you're ot o bor with him, you notice thot nothing stops him. After he,s reiected by o womon, he,ll soy trc ,,Oh
into some octivity thqt is useful to you. One mon we know wos fli*ing online with o womon whom he hod previously hod sex with ond whom
o guy who does oil this outomoticoily. He seems you,
he wos hoping to get into bed with ogoin. At one point in their lnstont
well, she threw o drink in my foce-r guess [m on to the next one. Ho hol" You've probobly wondered how he did it. weil, this is how. He
Messoge conversotion, she storted telling him obout this new guy she
remembers ir's o numbers gome ond
hod met ond obout how he hod come over for o night of hot sex the
thoilhd rejecfion wos iust one more no he didn't hove trc heor ogoin on his woy to the inevitoble yes. He mokes the reiection her problem ond then redirects his oilenrion by moving on to fhe nextwomon (or onything else). Thus he evenruolly
evening before.
succeeds.
Noturolly, he felt reiected. So first he reminded himself thot doting is o numbers gome ond thot this womon wos not his one-qnd-only hope. Second, he mode the reiection her problem by exploining to himself thot
Remember thot you hove to do oll three steps; you con't just do the one you like the best. Lefs go over rhese three sreps one more rime
she wos o very unsloble olcoholic (which wos true| ond wos probobly
give you some more exomples:
ond then
drunk right then. Third, he redirected his ottention by osking himself,
'
'lVhot do lwont to do right now?" He reolized thot he wonted lo stop tolking to this womon ond onswer some personols ods. So tho/s whot he did. He wos oble to use the ener-
gy of the reiection to odvonce his whole
o
seduction system, ond it
worked. He stopped thinking obout the reiection ond got into thinking
o
obout new opportunities with women.
The importont thing is thot you redirect your ottention to something spe-
Remind yourself thor doting is o numbers gome ond thor this
womon wqs not your one-ond-only hope for sex. Remember thot this is one more no on the woy to the inevitoble yes.
creote on explonotion for the rejection thot hos nothing to do with you. Moke it o problem with her or o problem wirh the environmenl but not o problem with you. Redirect your ottention. Find something else ro think obout or do.
Ask yourself, 'lVhot do I wont to do right now?,, to give yourself ideos for things you con use the energy from the reiection to do.
cific. l/s not enough to tell yourself, "Don'l think qbout lhe reieclion" wifiout putting some other octivity into its ploce. You need to think obout something specific or you'll iust end up thinking obout the reieclion you
TilAMDM$
oren't supposed to be thinking obout. Find something else to focus on. Now let's look ot some exomples of Ron ond Dovid cooching eoch other os eoch pretendr trc hove some trouble with rhis process.
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DAVID: Greot. How obout fhe fiird step, which is redirecting your
DAVID: So, whot hoppened?
ottention? Did you find yourself iust noturolly going over it ogoin
RON: I wos eoting lunch ond I went up to this womon behind the counter who wos reolly hot. I soid, "Hi, my nome is Ron, how ore
you doing?" And she iust turned owoy ond she didnt tolk to me.
ond ogoin in your heod?
RON: Yeoh, I did ot first. So I decided to chonge my focus instonto-
neously-to reod the poper, eot o bogel-to do whotever there
She iust wenl ond did something else.
wos to put my ottention on. I inierrupted the bod feeling os quickly
DAVID: Did you tell yourself thot i/s o numbers gome?
os possible.
RON: Right, I could hove done thot. I could soy to myself, "Hey, doling is o numbers gome. lt's not like there oren't 20 women in this ploce right now. I gol upset becouse this one didn't work
out-l
don't need to do thot. Also, thofs iust one more reieclion I don't
Do you get whot we're tolking obout here? This reolly is obout leorning
q "menlol move." This is not iust something theoreticol. This
is something
octuol thot cqn dromoticolly chonge your life.
hove to experience ogoin on ihe woy lo the inevitoble yes."
DAVID: Whol wos the first thing thd you did? Did you blome yourself or whot?
RON: So, tell me whot hoppened.
RON: I thought, well, ieez, she's so hot, why isn't she tolking to me? I must hqve blown it in some woy. Did I soy the wrong thing? Am I
DAVID: I went on o dote with this girl. She wos reol pretty; I reolly liked her. We hod onother dote plonned, but she sent me on emoil soying she's still reolly in love with her ex-bofriend ond she,s
o ierk? Whot hoppened? DAVID: So there's o woy in which you blomed yourself ond mode the reoson for the reiection obout you' Whol ore some of the reosons
why she might hove totolly blown you off thot hove nothing to do with you? Just generote some of lhose'
gone bock to him ond they ore living together ogoin ond she doesn't wont to go out with me ofter oll. She soid she hoped we
could still be friends.
RON: Hmm, nothing cruel obout thot, eh? So first of oll-whot wos the first thing thot you did?
DAVID: I thought, "God, you know, thot wos such o pretty girl ond we
RON: Well, obviously she wqs working, so perhops she hod some work to do. Thot might hove been one possibility. Or perhops
she
went on thot dote ond the dote went so well ond she hod so much
wos in o hurry or moybe she's not supposed to tolk to customers.
cleovoge ond I loved her hoir ond there reolly oren,f thot mony
Or she moy nol hove felt very good-it wqs the oft'ernoon, moybe
women who reolly ore thot pretty."
she wos
I
Now let's wotch Ron cooch Dovid through the reiection process.
tired-or perhops she wos
iust in her own world.
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RON: So you storied beoting up on yourself.
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DAVID: Yeoh, like she wos lhot "one-ond-only hope."
DAVID: so, dwelling on it. yeoh-mooning ond rhinking obout it over
RON: So, you foiled lo remember thot il's o numbers gome. Whot
ond over ond telling oll my friends obour this horribre rejection...
obout the next step? Whol hoppened next?
But whot I could hove done wos soy, ,,Greot, whot do I wont to
DAVID: I could hove soid, "Of course! Stotisticolly, tho/s gonno hop-
focus on right now? How con I toke some of the energy l,ve got
pen o certoin omount of time. Thofs the kind of thing thot hoppens
in seducing. Thot's one more no I don't hove lo heor on the woy to yes. I gol pretty for with her, lefls see who/s next."
right now ond put if to
use?,,
RON: So long os you redirect your energy in some woy. DAVID: Yeoh, just doing this I feel much befier, more energized.
RON: Whot did you moke il meon? Whot wos your inlerpretolion? Why did she send you this emoil?
You need to retroin yourself to hondle reiection properly.
we hove done this to the point where it is outomotic. When we ger reiecred, our broins
DAVID: Well, tho/s becouse she couldn't even beor to see my foce. l'm so hideous thot I drove her bock to her ex-bofriend! I knew
immediotely respond bmouse we hove been working on it for yeors.
this would hoppen! This olwoys hoppens to mel Why does this sort of thing olwoys hoppen to me? Why don't women like me?
l'm iust not lovoble. l'll never hove the girl I wont! All I con hove
is
fot women! I suck!
RON: Okoy, okoy-eveqybody is feeling sick now! Now chonge the interpretotion. Whot would be some olher reqsons why she did thot?
DAVID: Well, she's reolly mixed up right now. Moybe she is reolly in love with her ex-bofriend. Thot doesn't hove onything to do with
P8r081l[ru0$ am PruBAililfl0$ DAVID: one rhing fiorwe hove found ro be incredibly helpful in deoling with the inevitobility of o certrrin omounr of reiection is pufting o percentoge likelihood on onything thot moy hoppen. Soy Ron is get_
go out for o dote ond I soy, ,Whot do you think the odds ore thot you ore going to hove sex with her tonight?,, ond he ting reody
trc
me. Whot om I going to do, go knock him off or something?
soys, "Oh, 20 or 30 percenf or something like thot. Or soy you,re
Moybe she is reolly confused. And you know whot? She wosn't
going out on o priming Dote ond osk yourself, ,Whot do you think qre the odds thot she,s going to show up?,,
thot hot! h/s not like there oren't hundreds ond thousonds of women oround who ore thot hol ond hotter! She's not thot hot o
The onswer might be
something like
'Oh, I give it obout Z0
percent.,,
commodity.
RON: Okoy, cool. So the third port of
il-did
you dwell on it?
For some reoson/ putting percentoges on things seems ro creote some kind of "reolily conversqlion,, oround them. you might soy, ,,Greol,
theret o womon ocross the bor. There's o five percenr probobility thot
il
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could end up hoving sex with her tonight. Thot's one in
20-oll
I need is
20 her ond l'm golden!" lt mokes il eosier to opprooch o womon ond less of o problem if things don't work out. Hey, there wos o five percent
chonce; no big deol thot it didn't work out. And o couse for celebrotion when it doesl
Percentoges ond probobilities ore onother woy to boil your interoction
with o womon down to something tongible. So insteod of it being this whole big scory ihing, you soy,'lVell, look*there's
o l0
percent
chonce it will go. No big deol."
P[tcflctfls [fl8 nBd8cflon P[0c80$ The best woy to become expert ot hondring reiection is to procrice the reiection process. lf you ore doing the Hi progrom (you ore doing the Hi
Progrom, oren't you?), it will give you o loborotory in which to experi_ ment with the reiecfion process. When women don,t
soy hi bock or when they scowl or give you ony orher response thot you consider o reiection,
proctice the releciion process. Firsf, remind yourself thot ifs o numbers gome ond thot this is one more no you don't hove to heqr ogoin on your woy to the eventuol yes. second, come up with on expronotion for the
DAVID: Yep, with thot girl lwos telling you obout, I gove it o 50-50 chonce thot she would go bock to her ex-boyfriend, becouse of the
woy thot she wos tolking obout him. Tho/s whot occurred. Those ore the numbers. Thofs
fie gome.
lt mokes the trcsk of reloting trc women
eosier.
if the interoction doesn't work out. They think,
"Greot, I hove o 90 percent chonce with thot womon ocross the bor." Well, you olmosl never hqve o 90 percenl chonce with o womon. You musl mqke o more reolistic probobility stotement.
We use this tool in every oreq of our lives. Whot ore the odds of
us geF
ting fhis new book deol? Soy we think i/s 40 percent. lf so, oll we need is
tion, perhops by osking yourself, ,Whot do I wont to do righr now?,, Here ore some tips for leorning the process:
wrire il down.
Very often guys storl oul overly optimistic obout their chonces, so they're
even more devostoted
reiection thot hos to do with her, nor you. And third, redirect your oren-
o little more thon possible deols ond ir'll be likely thotwe'll hove o deol
going. This is something for you to ploy oround with. lt moy be useful
rt reolly herps if you write down the reiection process
os you do it. The reoson
i/s imporicnilo write it down is thor doing it in your heod is deceptive, especiolly ot first. lt/s eosy fo do o sloppy ond incomplete iob if you ore iust thinking your woy through fhe three-srrep process. You will think you hove done the process, but you octuoily wiil
not hove-you will hove thought obout doing it, which your mind wiil misinterpret os hoving octuolly gone through the process for reor. Writing down the reiection process gets it out of the reolm of the obstrod ond inro the reolm of the reol.
You moy wont to corry oround o pen ond some poper so thot you con
for you to ossign probobilities to things iust to moke different oreos of your life cleorer ond more like o gome.
grob o minute or lwo ond write down the process os you go through your doy. some of our studenrs do rhe process in their heods during the
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doy ond then spend five minutes in the evening writing down ond clor-
friends, do the fhree-step process. You need to proctice ond hove it be
ifying whot they did in their heods eorlier. Some men set oside o couple
so ingroined in your mind thot you iust do it ony rime you need ro. This will keep you going ond keep you from getting stuck, ond thot is olt thor
of minutes twice o doy to write down fieir processes.
motlers.
After you've written it down o number of times, you won't need to wrile
ir unfil you get nesults. oftentimes if you use the reiection
it down so much onymore, olthough we still write it down on occosions
Do
when reiections seem to get to us more thon they ought to.
process thoroughly you will feel completely better. sometimes you'll feel
90 percent better or even only 50 percent better. Thor's oll okoy-i/s Prqctice befiore you moke the opprooch. Of course, you don't
moving in the right direciion, ond thots whqfs importont.
hove to woit to experience reiection lo use this process. You con olso use
feor of rejection trying to slop you. Tell yourself, "lf this doesn't go the
Whot is not occeptoble is doing the reiection process ond feeling zero percent, one percent or lwo percent betier. you oren't done with the
woy I wont il to, I simply hove lo remember thot doting is o numbers
process until you feel substontiolly better ond hove some energy to move
gome ond thot this will be one more no on the woy to my eventuol yes. So even if she soys no lo me, this interoction will get me closer lo my
on to something else. lf you find you don't feel better, go through the process ogoin. Remind yourself thot doting is o numbers gome; reolly
gool. Also, if she reiects me, it will probobly be becouse she is in her
feel how you've iust heord one more no thor you'll never need to heor
own world or hos o heodoche todoy or something like thot. lf she does-
ogoin. come up with new, more compelling reosons thot moke the reiec-
n'i work out, l'll go tolk to thot other womon over there. Piece of coke,
l'm reody to go!" This will prime your broin qnd put the interoction in
tion her problem, not yours. Find something thot you reolly wqnt to do ond thot engoges your focus. And keep doing this until you feel some
perspective. So whot if it doesn't work? Eventuolly one {ond more) will.
emotionol movement. Until thot hoppens, you reolly oren't finished with
it when you ore thinking obout opprooching o womqn ond you feel the
the reiection process.
Do ir doily. As with ony skill, it is much eosier to mosler
hondling
reieclion if you proclice the three-step process on o doily bosis. lf you soy hi to o womon ond she ignores you, do the three-step process. lf you
0e[ RedSc[B[!
fli* with o \ /omon ond il doesn't go well, do the three-step process. lf you osk o womon out for coffee ond she soys no, do the three-step
The only circumstonce under which you will not need ro moster the reiec-
process. lf you go for the first kiss qnd she soys she iust wonls to be
lion process is if you ore nor getting reiected-ond if you ore nor geiling reiected you ore not doing enough interruptions ond initiorions wirh women ond you orc much less likely to succeed with them.
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Thot's so imporlont we'll soy
it ogoin: getting reiected is o good sign
becouse it meons thot you ore toking oction with women, toking risks
ond doing whot you hove to to creole obundont relotionships with women in your life. Remember our student who soid hi to more thon 300 women in o week in his ultimotely successful quest to get sex ond o girlfriend? He soys,
"l
mode use of the rejection tools on o doily bosis. lt
in the flow, rother thon something thot rokes them out of the gome. we've heord rumors thot hockey god Gordie Howe would puke in the locker room before every gome. He would be overcome with onxiety, but he leorned how to feel the feor ond go for it onyvoy. our hope is thot you loo con leorn how ro honsform your feor ond use it to your odvontoge.
kept me olive os I went through lots of women till I found whot I wos looking for." These tools con help you too.
Lefs get reol: if there's one thing thor generotrss ponic, i/s going up to
women ond tolking to fiem. one of
fie
hordesf things to do is to initi-
ote inleroction with o womon in o ploce like o bor or the street when you
lt0l[ m ilallDm Palllc alll
don'l hove ony excuse to tolk to
RllilE[U Rl|0il[D l[01nE[ You need to leorn how to hondle the inevitoble onxiety ond feor thot
her.
Feor hits eoch mon differently. Feor occurs on o spectrum, from onticipotoqy feor like butterflies in your stomoch ond slight nervousness to
comes up when you opprooch ond tolk lo women. Experiencing feor in
ollout ponic ond totol terror. We've worked with men on oll points of the
these situotions is very common, so we're going to teoch you some bosic
spectrum. The tools in this section ore for men who hove
skills to overcome ponic ond onxiety.
mib or smoll omounts of ponic. lf you suffer from oll-out ponic ottocks with women,
Mony of us mistokenly think there ore men out $ere who ore seduclion
you need to look deeper, perhops fo onti-onxiety medicotion or theropy. We ore not theropists or doctors, ond hondling ponic is not our oreo of
mosters who never experience ony feor ond con go up to ony womon
expertise' We con tell you thot if you hove ponic ottocks there is help.
ot ony time ond seduce them. The truth is thot we oll get scored ond feor-
we've hod mony students overcome extreme onxiety with women by
ful when opprooching women. We often get scored when opprooching
combining theropy, medicotion ond our moteriols.
women for the first time, qnd so do oll of our studenls. The point is to
leorn how to hondle onxiety ond ponic ond opprooch women even
Here ore o few tools for you to leorn ond proctice. The more you con
when you feel nervous.
proctice them when you'reolone in q womon-free environment, the eosier it will be to use them when you,re obout to opprooch o womon.
Mony top othletes experience feor ond nervousness before going into o
big gome, but they've leorned lo use feor to their odvontoge. They've
Breothing. Men ore
leorned to use the feor os o molivolor, os somelhing thot helps tham gci
or whon they do breothe they toke shollow breoths. proctice breothing
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often tense oround women ond forgeilo breofie,
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lsill te
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deeply. Deep breothing is the fundomentol skill in overcoming ponic
o
fiing thot
Recolling q time you fult powerful ond confidenr.
This will
chonges is his
offect your posture ond breothing, ond your overoll sense of confidence
breothing. lt becomes shollow ond increoses in speed, ond oll of o sud-
with women. stort by recolling o time when you reolly hod bolls, when you feorlessly went for something ond produced on extroordinory result.
becouse when
person gets tense the first
den his body shifts into fight-or-flight mode. When you breothe ropidly
ond shollowly, your broin is olso offected; you think less cleorly ond enter o spirol thot leods to more ponic. The trick is lo stort deep breoth-
ing before you get neryous oround women ond to continue deep breothing when you opproqch women.
When you recoll o fime you felt powerful, you don,t hove to drow on o situotion where you felt powerful with women. lr could be o footboll gome/ o roce you won/ when you osked for o roise, o greot speech you gove or ony moment of victory in your life. lt's o woy to boost your con-
Here's how you
do ih proctice breothing slowly ond fully into your
obdomen. We recommend you breothe in ond count to four ond then
o few minutes of
fidence. lfs o woy for you lo tell yourself, ,yes, l,ve got bolls, l,ve done stuff thot is omozing, I con do this-no question obout it, no doubt.,,
deeply, you should be much colmer. Proctice this on o doily bosis so thot
We've oll hod momenls where we,ve performed beyond whot we thought our copobilifies were. And you, yes, you, hove hod rhose
you con slow down your breoth ot will.
momenls too.
Visuolizing. Sto* by closing your
eyes ond breothe deeply for five or
lf you toke o few seconds trc recoll o time you were powerful, you'il
bd
seconds. Next, imogine o reloxing scene. Moybe you imogine you're
lot more powerful when you opprooch o womon. Remember
lhose
breqthe out while counting to four. After
l0
breothing
in bed or on the beoch; moybe it/s your boyhood home or your fovorite nolure
spot-it doesn't reolly
motter.
All thot motters is thot it onchors o
o
moments ond use your post success to fuel your confidence with women trcdoy.
feeling of colm, sofety ond reloxqtion. lt sounds silly, we reolize, but it
Strefching. When you feel shessed ond
octuolly works.
tense, your body in rurn trens-
es up. Affer you hove done some deep breothing ond visuorized success,
Visuolizing o colm scene iust before you go up ond tolk to o womon
is
ifs olso useful to srretch your body to help it relox. stond up ond toke o
very usefi,'l in getting yourself into o reloxed, ployful mode. The cool porl
few minutes to stretch your body from heod to toe. Breothe os you do it.
is thot you con use the some reloxing scene over ond over ogoin, which
The next time you're stressed ond wonr to opprooch o womon/ go into
will help you stoy colm. You con keep recolling lhot scene eoch time you
o corner or go outside ond stretch for o few minules.
feel nervous.
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Ghonging your thoughts. lf you ore like
most guys, the moment
visuolizing someone you trust.
ltt,gfl iig l,*,}gr*,t
you moy find it colming fo pic-
before you ore going to trclk to o womon your thoughts get ugly-reol
fure someone you trust ond imogine them offering you suppod ond
ugly. You ihink obout oll your post foilures, oll the woys in which you
encourogement. Think of Ron Louis ond Dovid copelond. We ore on your teom. We ore here to encouroge you.
suck, oll the reosons you're o foilure with women. ln the foce of oll thot
self-flogellotion, who con be successful? Troin yourself to think obout something pleosont, even fun, when you're oround women. Think obout
visuolize onybody who hos been o supportive figure in your life. Who
food, sporls, sex/ your fovorite movie, whotever. When you hel stressed
ore the supportive figures in your life now? who ore your best friends?
ond nervous, thinking obout something you enioy will help perk you uP
lmogine they ore there behind you, on your teom, encouroging you to go up ond tqlk to thot womon you,re scored to tolk to.
so you con hove fun.
Nol roking your thoughts so seriously. We oll think crozy stuff sometimes. But iust becouse you hove o thought one moment doesn'l
You con even imogine thot someone like John Trovolto (in his role in the
meon you ore going lo hove it the next. We heor thot people who med-
is supporting you. Just imogine they ore there behind you
itote for yeors ond yeors often comment thot they get io o ploce where
"Come on, you con do it, you con do it. We hove totol foith in you!,, This
they stop toking their thoughts, feelings ond body sensolions seriously.
lechnique works very well in building up your confidence.
movie Gef shortyl, o rock sto4 someone you odmire or o politicol figure soying,
They reolize thot ot every moment there ore new thoughts ond sensotions possing through their body, ond thot's iust life.
Toking q wqlk.
Leove wherever you ore ond wolk oround the block
for o few minutes. While you're out, do some deep breorhing ond enioy The experience of meditqlors suggests thot we ore olwoys in o stote of
the fresh oir. And while you're wolking, think obour someone you enioy
flux. One momenl we might be foeling extreme leor ond the next moment the feor will turn into something difhrent. You ore olwoys
being oround or on experience thot is pleosont. you moy wonr ro wolk veqy briskly to chonge your internol sfote ond get your blood pumping.
chonging, so one woy to be reloxed is to think, "l'm nol going to hove
Toking o wolk con be reolly useful in chonging your internol store, cleor-
this ponic thought for more thon o minute or lwo; then it will chonge.
ing your heod ond colming you down enough to opprooch the womon
Remind yourself thot your thoughts ond body sensotions ore nol reol ond
you reolly wont to opprooch
don't need to dictote your behovior. We olso recommend thor you get oerobic exercise of leost rhree rimes o week. Men who tend
trc
hwe ponic ond onxiety con greotly decreose their
shess level by regulorly getting moderote omounrs of oerobic exercise.
ll
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Leorning tqi chi or yogq.
Leorning some toi chi, chi kung or yogo
postures con help you remoin colm. Mony students hove reported thot
leorning toi chi or yogo is greotly useful in leorning to stoy colm. You
con pick up books on these types of exercise or toke courses. Since toi chi, chi kung ond yogo tend to be meditotive, students often find they con use the skills to stoy colm in their doily lives, porticulorly in stressful
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siluotions.
Drinking heovily.
Just kidding. You con try this mefiod, but it will
usuolly bockfire. Perhops you'll colm down, but you might olso become
As we've soid before, there is o srep-by-srep sequence of events in seducing o womon. As you reorn ihe skiils for frirting ond torking to
o belligerent jerk. You need to gouge how often ond how much you
women ond proctice them with women, you'll probobly find it helpful to
drink so thot you con feel confident qnd orticulote ond think cleorly
remember the phoses of seducing o womon.
when you're oround women. The first phose There ore o lot of other things thot you con do to relox. These ore iust o
few thot should be helpful. lf there ore proclices you use to decreose
of seducing o womon is getting yourserf reody. you
olwoys need to be getfing your mind creor ond determining if onything is stopping you. lf there,s o post reiection stopping
your onxiety, keep doing them. lf you heor of ofier exercises, definitely
you, you must get over it (see the previous two chopters). you musr ger your mind creor;
try them. The point is lo find proctices you con toke on to remoin colm
remember ond celebrote your posr victories ond get yourself into o peok
ond relqxed when you tolk to women.
performonce srqre. You must be reody for possibre reiecrion, ond hove hondled your ponic' Wherher you're on o coffee dote, obou*o soy hi lo o womon or going for o first kiss, you ore orwoys going to be botiling yourself ond your own frome of mind. Thots phose one.
Feeling tense ond ofrqid is perfectly normol, but hoving tools to overcome your feor is whot's most importont. Proclice o few of lhese moves
before opprooching women ond your confidence will greotly improve. The second phose of seducing o womon is inrerrupting her ond gefiing Ponic ond onxiety is something thot con be controlled. lf you suffer from
this problem, no motter where you qre on the ponic speclrum, lhere hope.
is
.
her ottention. You must initiorre wirh women, ond it tokes guts to do thot. It tokes gurs ro initiote the first kiss. lt tokes guts to initiote getting her phone number ond emoil oddress. rt tokes guts rrc initiote everything.
And
thofs your iob. Never foil to remember thot ir's your lob, excrusivery.
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The third phose is the ropport phose, lhe romonce-building phose. Thot
Before we get into the specific tolking ond flirting skills, there ore o few
is when you ore hoving o conneciion with somebody in which she feels
generol concepts we should cover: the three time fromes of on interqc-
like you underslond her, she feels like she understonds you ond you iust
tion wifh o womon, leoving her wonting more ond other foctors in how
will help you
you oppeor to o womon.
sees you os o
potentiol romonlic portner. This involves light sensuolity.
iltB rill|B8 illn0 r]Ialn8$ 0F lllmnaciloll uffiil u0]llE[
Finolly, the fifth phose is getting inlo more "heovy''sexuol stuff. You storF
lf you ore going to succeed in tolking to o womon, you need to know
ed by getting yourself reody, interrupting her, developing ropport ond
iust how urgent the situotion with her is. Every mon hos hod o wonder-
moking her see you os o romontic possibility. Now you ore initioting thol
ful womon wolk out of his life forever becouse he wosn't conscious of
nexi foroy inlo sexuol contoct.
how urgenl it wos to toke o risk with her right then. Understrrnding the
hove
o
nice conversotionol flow. The skills in this book
occomplish this.
The fourth phose introduces
o physicol connection. She
three time fromes of on interoction will help keep thot from hoppening.
Although this book focuses on tolking lo women, for more informotion on doting you con reod How to Succeed wilh Women ond visit our web
You only hqve q few minutes. ln this situotion you only hove o
site of www. howtosucceedwithwomen.com'
few minules, or moybe iust o few seconds, to moke contocr. you ore on o troin or in o line ond this is your one-ond-only chonce. you soy hi to
During o typicol interoction with o womon, you ore going to go through
her ond it leods to o conversotion. You hove to get her number or emoil
stoges one through five over ond over ogoin. You ore olwoys going to
oddress right then. lf you blow it, she is going to be gone-lirerolly. ln
come bock to your stote of mind ond getting yourself prepped. You ore
this situotion you hove to cut to the chose quickly. you hove to risk o lot
olwoys interrupting her on o deeper ond deeper level.
to get her phone number or emoil oddress or ilrs oll over.
But these phoses con olso hoppen out
of sequence. You ore conslontly
one of our students told
us obout being in one of these situqtions recently
going in os deep os you con go ond then bockpedoling. You go in ond
while in line ot the post office. There wos o pretfy girl who wos olso in line
you ore holding honds ond you stop holding honds then you go bock
who mode eye contrcct with him severol fimes. He soid hi ond they storted
into the interruption phose. You might be moking out ond oll of o sud-
trc
chot, but her furn come up ot the counrer ond she wos drown owoy.
den find yourself bock in the ropport-building phose. A dote is unpredictoble. You hove to let thot flow hoppen.
ruu,lr{rbunU[flln,.
lnullrldhru
ll$tlr l,s lhll{ 1{ wsl|r6n
fliptiltE, "lilrlaf$ ]lts $tors 8$iil,l8a$?"
Alter she finished her business ond wos leoving, he got out of line ond
You con olso look ot this os
followed her inlo the lobby. "Excuse me," he soid, "but I iust got ihe
loke more risk when you osk for the number of o womon you ore in line with thon you do to get her number when you see o womon twice o
strong feeling thot I ought to soy hi lo you. I know il seems slronge, but
I iust hod this feeling obout you. Could I hove your emoil oddress, ond
o risk specrrum. For insronce, you hove ro
week in your oerobics closs.
perhops we could get logefier somelime?" He hod o brief window of opportunity ond he needed to toke o big risk, so he took it. lf he hodn't, she would hove been out of his life forever.
10flu8 ilBl'
You hqve q fuw hours.
l/s best to leove o womon wonting more. Thot meqns ifs beiter if your conversotions with her ore shod.
This is o situotion like on oll-doy seminor,
o porty or o work-reloted octivity where you know the womon you ore interested in is going to be oround for
uflll[lllg
ln0n8
o little while. You don't hove to
risk it oll right owoy; you con offord to woit, to toke smoll risks with her over o few hours rother thon toking o reolly big risk oll ot once.
Thofs not how mosr guys flirt wirh women. wirh most guys, if on interoction with o womon is going well, they push it ond keep tolking until something bod hoppens. only when rhere's o problem or bod feeling
You hove days, weeks or longer.
This is the woitress you con go
bock ond see over ond over or lhe womon in your oerobics closs who olwoys works out ol much more
5 p.m. on Tuesdoys ond
with the womon do they sfop. Thot meons they olwoys monoge ro end their interoctions with women on sour notes. Thofs bod.
Thursdoys. You con risk
sloily with these women ond build o conneclion over lime.
Knowing these three lime fromes helps you know how much you must
These guys think, '!V'ow, this is going greot. Therefore, l,m not going to
try to get her number qnd close the deol, r'm iusr going to keep rorking.,, T Or they think, V'ow this is going greot. Therefore, l,m not going to
risk ond how quickly you must do so. lf you ore putting gosoline into
come bock ond tqlk to her more loter; l'm going to stoy here qnd be
your cor ond the womon of the nexl cor is otlroctive qnd you wont to
omozed thot i/s going well until she inevitobly gets bored. when she gets bored I will get tense ond then when r get tense I will mess evelrthing up ond she will finolly soy, ,Oh, I hove to leove.,,,
tolk to her then you hod better risk o lot right then, becouse she is obout
to disoppeor from your life. On the other hond, if thot some womon shows up ot on eight-week closs you ore toking, you don't hove lo risk
big right owoy by going for her phone number or emoil oddress.
You
con risk big if you wont, but you cqn olso toke smoller risks ond seduce her over time.
I
lltuuhrutfffio4{fll}
okoy, moybe no guy octuolly thinks thqt-but thot's how it works out in proctice.
fiBilr t0 lellr l0 t{0ln8n
flirnills, 'T*ksm
$firs $s$n{ rllnw" 'lls
Unfortunotely,you will find o woy to blow it during those first inleroctions if you give it enough time. Therefore you hove
tro
leove while things
so
you con feel your voice originoting from deeper in your body rother thon exclusively from your throot ond heod. This will give your voice
ore going well. ond leqve her wonting more.
Your
Proctice breothing from deeper in your body. Breothe more deeply ond let your stomoch go in ond out os you do. Then toke o deep breoth
fli*ing interoctions need to be long enough to give her o pleosur-
more resononce ond moke il for more ofiroctive to listen to.
oble experience qnd leove her wonting to see you ogoin. lf i/s going well, don't breok the rules-get out of there on o high note so she's left
Adiusr your tempo. Over the next doy or
wonling more of you, nol tired of you ond wonting
owore of the speed ot which you tolk. some men tork so quickly thot
less.
so, let yourself become
they're exhousfing for women to listen to. lf you tend to ,,speed rop,, peoThot is olso o woy to keep yourself empowered. lf you stop your flirting
ple, you need to proctice slowing down. lf you notice yourself tolking
interoctions wilh women while they qre still fun, you con be hoppy oboul
reolly quickly, pouse ond toke o deep breoth. sometimes blinking slow-
how well it wenl.
lfll
chorge you up. And thot will keep your obility to
ly helps.
seduce olive. By the some token, we've worked with some men who tolk so
ponderously thot it's hypnotic-ond exceptionolly
sroily ond
boring-ro listen to
l]lFilB]l$Illg il01[ uoll RDDEil' m uolll$[
them. lf you're q mon who tolks ve4y slowly, you might consider being o little more onimoted in your speoking. Breothing more deeply will help
As you stort using the iechniques in his book, you'll noturolly begin to
find yourself in conversotions with women. Lel's go over o few pointers
with this, qs will ollowing yourself ro express more of your exciremenr when you ore tolking to people. proctice sounding more excited when
obout sounding ond looking good.
you tolk with people ond see how it feels.
Breqthe more deeply.
Mqke eye contocf.
As we mentioned before, mony men breothe
into ond speok from their upper chests ond throots. This gives their voic-
es
o
nosol sound ond
it
mokes them sound tense when they tolk io
women.
T
the floor, you ore going to be unottrocrive to women.
while your inter-
oction with o womon should not be o storing conrest, do mointoin some eye contocl with her.
uoCI,Irhiloe[s|ffllk_
lf you ore looking oll over the proce or sroring ot
uuulffirafl
flirsins. '18ss$? Itrs $trst's *snilld
ll0ut uE t0ll{ l0 wsmsl!
ilt$
HUE
R8H[g "l[Ha['$ fitB $[0l'u BBillllll
lul|flllg $fi111$
${t?"
lilflt?"
Now thot you hove some focility with interrupting women ond soying hi
'tVhofs the story behind thot?" is obout noticing the detoils of
ond we've gone over some other fundomentols/ we con stort teoching
womon's oppeoronce ond moking those deroils topics of conversotion.
o
you the specific flirting skills. This is eosy to do if you understond women's reloiionship to detoils. The There ore two greot things obout these flirting skills. First, they fit togeth-
world of v/omen is in the detoils. she works hord on the detoils of her
er reolly well. Once you understond ond stort to use these skills, you'll
oppeoronce. Noticing fhose detoils ond complimenting her on them
see how you con flow from one lo onother ond reolly hove
o romontic,
is
extremely seductive, ond ifls something you con eosily leorn to do in
fun, flirtotious, genuine, nonmonipulotive interoction with o womon.
your conversotions with
Second, these skills ore eminently leornoble. You con leorn the bosics
Noticing ond ocknowledging detoils obour o womon seporotes you from
quickly, proctice them, review your progress ond get good ot them. They
other men. Mosl men don't see detoils, or if they do, they don,t comment
oren'l mogic; you don'l hove to be superchorismolic mon or o noturolly
on lhem. Noticing detoils sets you oport from the crowd. lt mokes you
gifted hypnotist to use them. These skills, olong with the skills for inter-
more otlroctive.
her.
rupting ond initioting with women, will help you creote romonlic con-
'Who/s the story behind thot?" is o simple question ro osk ofter you,ve
nections with women.
soid hi ond noticed some detoil of o womon's presentotion. lf you,ve gotThere ore five
fli*ing skills thot you will leorn from this book:
ten qt oll good ot soying hi, using this skill is eosy. ,lVhot,s the story behind fiot?" is on excellenl question to osk o womon: ilrs open-ended
a
Asking 'lVhot's the story behind thot?"
ond it gives her o chonce to tolk obout something thot might be impor-
a
The Goodbye lntroduction
tont to her.
a
Siluotidnql Fli*ing
a
Deepening
lf o womon is weoring on inreresting-looking ring or eorrings or if she
a
Romontic Questions ond Romontic Conversqlions
hos on interesting briefcose or pin-bosicolly, if there,s ony'hing obout ,,Oh, her to which she moy hove poid speciol ottention-you
con soy,
We'll deol with the first flirting skill right now ond cover the others in
thofls o very interesling pin" (or whotever).
loter chopters.
every doy. Who/s the story behind thot?,,
ll
lt{u,lllltum||{IHIIIL
,,1
don,f see pins like thqt
il0u a0 l8lfi ls l{0msll
nsu"
RirtinE. ""1ffllam m0 $60rs Ssillnd
Almost every womon hos o detrcil obout her obout which you could osk
thot?" She soid, "Oh, I got this on my hip to lndio.,, I bllowed up:
'lVhot's the story behind thot?" You might soy, 'Thot looks like on inter-
"Oh wow, o trip
esting book you're reoding. Whofls the strcry behind lhot?" or "l see you're
who likes to lrovel?" She soid, 'Yeoh, it wos on omozing experi-
corrying tJne Rader mogozine. Thot looks interesting-who/s the story
ence," ond we eosily got intc o conversotion obout trweling ond
behind fhot?" or "l hoven't seen o loptcp compufier like thot before. Who/s
her trip to lndio.
trc
lndio? Thofs reolly interesting. Are you someone
the stcry behind fiot?" lt is o greot woy to open up olmost qny converso-
We'll show you more detoiled exomples of how to sustoin ond deepen
tion.
the conversotions
thot'lVhofs
the story behlnd fiot?" will stort. For now,
We con heor you soying, "But osking lVhot's the story behind thot
oll you hove to worry obout is soying hi, noticing o detoil ond geiling
mogozine you ore reoding' doesn't moke sensel" You're right-ond thot
one simple question out of your mouth: 'lVhofs the story behind thqt?,,
lock of "sense" is port of the power of the question. h's very open, so she's free to interpret il ony woy she wonls, ond thot might leod to some-
thing interesting. At the worst, she'll osk you, 'lVhot do you meon?" ond you con osk o follow-up queslion such os 'lVhot is it obout thot mogozine thot you like?" or "Are there ony orticles in it thot porticulorly interested you?"
$linEulng llp "uila['$ Ellg $Ml'U BBIMD TilAI? You con screw up ony flirting skill, ond 'Whofs the story behind thot?,, is no different.
Of course, ifs better to notice detoils obout physicol oppeoronce lhot ore more meoningful to her thon her loptop or the mogozine she is corry-
As we mentioned before, 'lVho/s the story behind lhot?., is o very open-
ing, but there moy not olwoys be something like thot ovoiloble. lf so, il's
ended question. Thot meons
fine to go for something mundone.
'lVhot's the story behind thot neckloce?" she ctln onswer by tolking
it doesn't limit her onswer. lf you
osk,
obout how she got it in lndio or how she mode it herself or how it olwoys
RON: Asking 'lVho/s the story behind thot?" con work reolly well. For inslonce, I wos tolking
trc
this womon in line ot o coffee shop. She
reminds her of her first dog or whotever she wonts. The question does-
nt
limit the ronge of her onswer, which is good.
wos right in front of me, so I soid hi ond she soid hi bock. I noficed she hod on this lndion brocelet with oll these morkings on it, so
I
I
But
if you osk the question
incorrectly, you
will
limit her possible
soid to her; 'tVow, thot is o reolly interesting brocelet thot you hove
onswers, which is bod. See if you con spot the errors in the following
on. I hoven'l seen onything like thot bebre. Who/s the strcqy behind
lwo exomples.
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ft
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nir*ins, '"t{ttss$
We once hod o cooching client who reported to us ihot he used 'lVhofs
xE*
$$ers s8trtil$ rne&?"
ihe story behind thot?" ond it totolly didn't work. We osked him to tell
ln lhe second exomple, the mon soid, "Thots o reolly inferesling scorf you're weoring. ls thot o fomily heirloom?,, Once ogoin, he limited her
"Okoy,l wos in the elevotor ot work with
possible onswers, ond in lhis cose, he forced o conversotionol direction
us whot hoppened. He soid,
,lVhots the stoqy behind
this womon ond I sow thot she hod on o reolly interesling pin, so I soid
thot wos upsetting to her.
b
thoP" she could hove tolked obout whot she wonted to tolk obout ond things would hove worked out much better.
her, 'Oh, thofs on inleresting pin. Where did you get it?' And she
soid, 'Oh, I got it qt q siore.' Thot wos the end of the conversotion-it
lf he hod
osked,
didn't go onywhere ol oll." There's o greot sequence sforfing to build here. Hi con leod very notu-
Another cooching client sow o womon who wqs weoring o reolly inter-
rolly to
esting scorf. He soid to her, 'lV'ow, tho/s o reolly interesling scorf you're
ing skills.
weoring. ls thot o fomily heirloom?" She gosped ond soid, "Oh god, hope
not-l
'who/s
the stoqy behind fhof?" ond rhor leods into the other flirt-
I
hote my fomily." End of conversotion. He didn't get her
number, or onything else from her.
c0llcilfl0ll
Did you spot the errors? Both of these men osked the question in woys
'lVhott
thot limited the onswers the women could give. The first guy soid, "Thofs
tion. lt gels most women to open up immediotely ond tell you intimote
on interesling pin. Where did you get it?" Well, there's o very simple
detoils obout themselves. After they've told you these detoils, ir's horder
onswer to thot question: "l got it ol o store." The question limited the kind
for them to think of you os o ierk; ofter oll, if you were o ierk, why would they open up so much to you?
of onswer she con give; she could only tolk obout where she obtoined
the story behind thot?" is on immensely powerful flirting ques-
it, which wos probobly boring for both her ond the mon.
On the other hond, soying, 'Thofs on interesting pin, whofs the story
when you're tolking ro o womon, be it o solesgirl behind o countrer or o womon ot o porty, check to see if she's weoring onything thot looks
behind lhot?" is very open. She con onswer with olmost onything thot
unusuol or personol. lt might be
inierests her. She could soy, "l got it in New Zeolond" or "l gol it ot he
or o brocelet. When you see it, osk her, 'nVho/s the story behind thot?,,
moll" or "l got it for myself with my Christmos money." lt leoves her with
ll's o powerful conversolion storler. o
on incredibly wide ronge of possible onswers, which mokes it eosier for you lo osk follow-up questions: "Do you like to trovel?" or 'lVhot obout it mode you bvy t?"
t
uuufrall
o pin, o neckloce, o piece of clothing
cllap[0r
0
R0lnm[|c lll0ug$,000mu9
lllrurucfl0ll I[0
$BU0ll nOlna]lflc 1n0u8$
We're obout to teoch you seven Romontic Moves (olso colled Flirting Moves) to memorize ond implement in your life. When you implement these moves while tolking to women your success rote
will
increose
greotly. lf you conduct Romontic Conversotions ond don't integrote these moves, you'll likely stoy sfuck in the dreoded friend zone. So ifs time to
get seductive ond leorn the Romontic Moves.
The moin reoson some men get stuck in the friend zone is becouse they
don't know how to show fteir romontic interesl. Other men get stuck in the friend zone becouse they're ofroid of being reiected. Men in both cotegories con leorn the Romontic Moves, use them without risking their heorts ond souls, ond finolly stop coming ocross os perpetuol friends.
lf you're like o lot of our students, you've looked ot the bod boys who get women ond decided you weren't going be like them. You probobly
decided thot
if getting women
meont you'd hove
to lie, monipulote
women or qct like o ierk, you would iust give up doting.
il0ur
t0 l0l[
T[ l/llome[
*0man$ie !ioss$. 8B8d$us lnbrssmbi0n
There is good news, however: you don't need to be o ierk to gel women, though you con leqrn some things from the bod boys. The bod boys ore
willing to show their romontic inlerest right owoy ond risk rejection. The
bod boys ore willing to be upfront with their sexuol inlerest. You con leorn lo be up front ond show your romontic interesl to women in woys thot ollow them to feel opprecioted ond respected. We'll show you how.
R0lnall[lc |n0u8$ You musl leorn oll seven of the moves ond proctice them. When unsuccessfi-rl seducers
find thot o few Romontic Moves ore difficult or scory
they give up. Gropple with yourself ond overcome ony resistonce you hove lo procticing ond integroting the Romontic Moves into your doting life.
When you meet o womon for the first time, i/s cruciol thot she knows yov're o romqntic possibility. lf she sees you os only o friend, it's hord to become her lover. We believe thol women decide within three minutes
of meeting o mqn if he's o potentiol lover or not. lf you send cleor signols
fiot you're only intrerested in being friends (by not doing
the
Romontic Moves), you'll blow your chonces of something more intimote
developing loter.
or lwo Romontic Moves. lf you only use one or two moves when you flirt
wilh women you will not be
successfi.rl. You
will nol send enough cleor,
strong signols obout your inlerest. When you meet o womon for the first
time, you need lo do ot leost four of the Romontic Moves so you send o cleor signol thot you ore romonticolly interested.
Men oflen think thot the Romontic Moves do not opply if o womon
is
extremely ottroctive. You follow the some rules when deoling with hot women os you do with olhers. Show your romonlic interest right owoy
with ollwomen.
h/s importont for you
Another pitfoll to which unsuccessful seducers succumb is only using one
look into her eyes "loo long."
Looking into o womon's eyes,,too
long" creoles o momenl of intimocy between you ond her. ln holding eye contoct, you're creoling
o little moment in which
she recognizes thot
you're romonticolly interested in her. A friend would ovoid eye contoct
to fomiliorize yourself with oll of the Romontic
Moves. Find the ones thot ore toughest for you ond keep procticing them
ond be more cqulious, but you're no longer iust o friend. You ore stepping into the potentiol lover cotegory ond creoting moments of infimocy by moking eye contoct with
her.
until they feel noturol. Hopefully some of them will be eosy for you. lf so, keep procticing them ond refining your skills. After o while, when you/re
fomilior with oll seven moves , yov'll find yourself effo*lessly integroting them into your flirting ond your conversotions with women.
It
Here's how to do
il
At some point while you're speoking, or during o
conversotionol lull, hold eye contoct for iust o beot too long, iust until ifs
o little uncomfortoble.
uuu,[rrfl
T
ll0m 00
tlllr n ll0men
h's importonl to remember
nsnaffii0 ilsvs$,
fiot this is not o storing conlesl,
iust
o little
moment of intimocy. When Bob the bod seducer looks ot o womon, he
SslrsbuG
tntn0{lcti0n
ting cought looking. Looking info o womon's eyes too long will greotly enhonce your seductive presence.
slqres too long ond too deeply. He lenses up his body, leons in close to
her foce ond stores ot her long ond hord. The key to looking into o
Moke decisions quickly ond eosily.
womon's eyes "loo long" is to ovoid turning it into o big deol. Look into
qcross os confident, strong, powerful. lndecisive men come ocross os
her eyes for o beot too long-iust long enough to creote o speciol
scored, intimidoted, ofroid to be themselves. How do you wqnt to come
momenl.
ocross
lf you're o guy who tends to ovoid eye conioct ond store ot the floor, you
When you're with o womon, moke decisions quickly ond eosily. lf you,re
need to proctice looking into women's eyes when you trrlk. Hoving o dif-
on o dote ond you con sil in one corner of the coffee shop or the other,
ficult time moking ond holding eye contoct is o very common problem,
choose quickly. lf you're ordering wine ot o bor, decide quickly. lf you,re
but there is help. The cure is to stort looking women directly in ihe eye
selecting
for o few seconds ond then wolking owoy.
meel for o dote. pick quickly. When you're out with q womon, she needs
trc
Men who ore decisive come
women?
o movie to wofch, do so quickly. lf you,re picking o ploce
to
to see thotyou're o decisive mon. This doesn't meon you lurn into o deciYou con develop new skills wifh women, like tolking ond mointrcining eye
sion Nozi ond never osk for her inpur. lt does meqn, howevel thot when
contoct, by hoining your nervous system in smoll doses lo do uncomforF
lhere ore times for quick decisions during o dote you oct decisively.
oble things ond experiment with new behoviors. When you proclice shetching yourself in new woys, you will eventuolly become desensitized
Wink. Winking
ond fuel comfortrrble being with women. lf you're willing to stort smoll
o lost ort. Most men don,t wink ot women. Why ore we recommending it? Becouse winking ql women is seductive, simple,
ond build your confidence slowly over time, you'll evenluolly overcome
fun ond infimote. Friends don't wink ot eoch other; potenriol lovers do.
is
your feors ond be successful. lf you hove o hqrd time looking o womon
in the eyes when you tolk, stort procticing todoy. Over the next few
Here's how to do it:
monlhs you will feel more confident ond comforlrble initioling ond hold-
ing eye conloct.
o
Lefs go over how to look into o womon's eyes "loo long" once ogoin.
It iust tokes o second ond is very eosy. lt helps to smile ofter you wink to
Look into her eyes ond hold eye contoct iust o wee bit too long so you
moke the inleroction feel wormer. You con wink ot ony point in o con-
get into the intimocy zone. Proctice holding eye conloct ond proctice get-
versolion with o womon. Moybe you're tolking to her ond you,re both
lfl
lurlluttutrmffIn
Lower one eyelid ond then lift it bock up.
[0ru m
afi
T0
ull0nsn
$0m*rr$i8 &l0w$" ss{ltths0
l$r0tllssi0fi
loughing obout something ond you give her o little wink. Moybe you're
Check out her body. Checking out o womon's body does not meon
looking ot o womon ocross o room ond you give her o wink. Winking
you slore ot her cleovoge for hours ond hours (even though we oll love
o little intimole momenl between you ond her. The key to success
lo see greot cleovoge). This does not meon you drop some chonge on
in winking ol o womon is to be subtle ond moke sure the wink is o quick
the ground ond try to look up her skirt while you're picking up the coins
shored moment between the two of you, not o long uncomfodoble ordeol.
thot fell in front of her. This meons you check our her body in o respect-
creotes
fulwoy. Here's how to blow it:
o . . r
There's o porodox obout mony women. On lhe one hond, they're offend-
lf you contorl your foce ond look like on oxe murderer while blink-
ed when you store ond check out their bodies too long. On rhe other
ing both of your eyes ot ropid speed, you will not come ocross os
hond, they work out oll the time so they con hove greoi bodies, dress
romontic.
greot ond weor push-up bros. Women wont you to look ot their bodies
lf you wink ot o womon ond then run toword her, you will look
so they fuel opprecioted; they iust wonr you to be somewhot subtle so they
like o stolker.
don't feel completrely obiecrified. Yes, ifs o rough line to wolk sometimes,
lf you wink ot o womon ond then stick out your tongue in on
bul we've got some tips thofll be useful in figuring out this mess.
overtly sexuol monner, you will come ocross os o ierk. lf you wink ot o womon ond then store deeply into her eyes, you
Here's how to do it:
will look like o scory guy.
r
lf you wink ot o womon ond look terrified insteod of confident,
you will come ocross os o scored, immofure boy.
. .
Stort by looking in her eyes.
ln
less thon
o second, move your eyes from hers ond then sweep
down her body.
.
We hope you get the point.
Come bock up to her eyes ond foce, smile ond keep on tclking
like nothing hoppened.
Winking is o greot romonlic move becouse ifs not something most men
I
do; il/s out of the ordinory. When you wink ot q womon it cotches her
With this method o womon will
ottention ond drows her in.
i/s so fost ond strrrts ond ends with her foce it comes ocross os respectfr.rl.
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see you looking ot her body, but becouse
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Checking out o womont body is o good move becouse ifs not something
Lefs do on experiment. Right
o friend would do. A friend might woit until she wosn't looking ond then
try to look down her shirt. When yov're oble to check out q womon
choir like you're bored to teors. Now sir up ond reod this book like you're gefting o million dollors of volue from Louis & Copelond. Whofs
quickly, you're letting her know you're romonticolly interested in her ond
the difference in your body posture? Whofs the difference in your oilen-
not o ierk.
tion? How does your body feel? When you ore in o stote where you ore
now os you reod this book, sit in your
otlenlive ond keeping your body powerful it will show in your body lonHere's how to blow it:
guoge ond in your presentotion.
a
Get lo$ in storing ot her breosts.
When you're interocting with o womon ond keeping your body power-
a
Store qt her crotch ond lick your lips.
ful, you're not distrocled. You're poying oilention to her, not checking out
a
Nod your heod emphoticolly up ond down.
other women. You're not looking of your wolch, reoding q newspoper,
a
Soy "l om sloring ol your bodocious tits" when she osks you whot
messing oround with your polmtop compuler-you,re only focused on
you're looking ot.
her. We're not suggesting you hove o
Tense up
your foce ond show her
t*re whites of
your eyes until you
look like you're going into o grond-mol seizure.
wild, moniocol look in your eye;
don't store ot her cross-eyed ond never blink while tolking. Just focus on the womon you're tolking to ond keep your body powerful.
Troin yourself to be oble to check out o womon in less thon o second.
Compliment her. When you
You're checking oul women oll the time onyrvoy, so you might os well
compliments o womon, you soy, 'Wow, thofs o reolly nice briefcose you
stort procticing this method.
hove." When you compliment o womon the woy o potrentiol lover com-
compliment o womon the woy o friend
pliments o womon/ you soy/ 'lV'ow, you ore
Keep your body powerful. Who ore some of your
o beoutiful womon. you
seduction
hove reolly beoutiful eyes. ll's reolly o pleosure to meel you.,, ln compli-
heroes in the movies? ls ii Will Smith? John Trovolto? Billy Bob Thornton?
menling o womon the woy o lover does, you stoy owoy from imperson-
Clint Eostwood? Humphrey Bogort? The nome of your screen hero isn't
ol complimenls. As o potentiol lover; you wont to let her know thol you,re
importont; the point is thot you'll likely be more seductive if you model
noticing romontic detoils obout her ond you're willing to toke risks in
your behovior ond poslure on your hero. Men who ore seductive hold
tolking to her.
their body in o powerful woy so when they're stonding, sitting or mov,,1
ing they come ocross os both foscinoted ond foscinoting. The woy to do
When you compliment women you con soy things like
this is to pretend thot you ore foscinoted, foscinoting ond powerful ond
how beoutiful you ore for o second" or "You hove on omozing sense of
then stond ond move in thot woy.
stylo" or "Your smile brightens up the whole room. ,, l[ yov,re being intro-
n
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duced to o womon by o mutuol friend, for instonce, you might soy, "Oh, so this is the beoutiful Jennifer l've heord so much oboul."
ing to toke some risks ond give o womqn some compriments, you,il find out how fo push the boundory betueen friend ond rover, despire rhe occosionol mistoke.
When complimenling o womon, be on the lookout for detoils. When you con see ond ocknowledge the detoils
$ol o womon
hos put o lot of effort
into, you come ocross os o potentiol lover. As we soid, o friend compli-
As you proctice complimenting women, it's importont to find your own unigue compliment style. Do you feel comfortoble complimenting o
A poten-
womqn on her smile? whot feels too overtly sexuol to you? Whot seems
tiol lover compliments o womon on her eorrings, neckloce, hoir, smile or
cheesy to you? Get ouf there ond find the style thot's best for you. When
something more intimote.
you do, your confidence ond success will increose tremendously.
Somelimes friends ond lovers moy notice the some thing obout q womon
Whisper
ments o womon on her briefcose, cor or something impersonol.
to
her. When you whisper fo o womon, you creole
but they will bring il up in very different woys. A friend might notice o
o moment of intimocy between the two of you. lt's like the resr of the world
neckloce ond soy, 'Thq/s o veD/ nice neckloce." A potentiol lover might
is shut out for o second ond you,re olone together.
soy, 'lVow, thq/s
o reolly lovely
mokes you glow even more." molches your shoes."
necklqce you're weoring, ond
it
iust
A friend might soy, "l like how your belt
A potentiol lover would
soy,
"l noticed your
belt
ond shoes motch. They drow out the color in your eyes ond moke you
lf you hwe the opportunity move
b
rrc
whisper during o conversorion, i/s o greot
mqke. For exomple, you might whisper fic o womon,
,,1
hove ic con_
hss thot you're reolly beoutiful," ot "r reolly om enioying tolking
rrc
you.,,
look even more beoutiful."
Whispering is o good tool to use to emphosize romontic tolk. You'll moke mistokes olong they
woy-we qll do. One of the
situotions
mony of our students need to encounler is offending o womqn by push-
Here's how to do it:
ing o compliment too for. Thot con be o good thing to experience. Flirting with women requires risk, ond when you risk with o womon, sometimes you will occidentolly offend her. This is port of life. The only
o
Leon into her ond soy o few quiet words; then leon out ond tolk normolly.
woy to stoy perfectly sofe is lo remoin in the friend zone. lf you're willWhispering's o woy of drowing in your personor spoce ond moking rhe conversotion more intimote.
tl
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Here's how to blow it:
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a
Pretend you're mute or you've hod o trocheotomy.
a
Whisper like you're speoking some incomprehensible foreign longuoge.
The Goodbye lntroduction is onother woy
of initioting with o womon,
showing your romontic interest ond complimenting her on o deep level.
lfs risky in thot you ore going out of your woy ond showing romontic
Whisper dozens of times during o dote. Once or twice is quite enough!
interest directly.
At the some time, ifs low-risk in thot if oddresses her
feors, so is not threotening to her. ll,s olso quick ond it gives you on eosy
exit if the interoction doesn't go the woy you'd hoped. These
ore fundomentol moves to moke when you're with women to
insure thot you won'l come ocross os
o friend. When you use the
Romontic Moves, you'll furn ony conversotion into
o romontic one ond
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show o womon you're romonticolly interested. lf you hold eye conloct
"too long," mqke decisions quickly ond eosily, wink ot o womon, check out her body, compliment her, keep your body powerful ond whisper to her, you
When you hoven't hqd o chonce to soy hi. The Goodbye lntroduction is o greot thing to use with women you hoven't hod o chonce to soy hi to. She moy be ocross the bor or working out ot your
will become o seduciion mochine.
gym or o woitress who didn't serve your toble or ony womon you see Keep trock
of how mony
Romontic Moves you
do in your doily life.
Which ore eosy ond which ore difficult? Find the moves thol score you
ond wont lo opprooch, buf the noturol flow of things hosn't thrown the two of you together.
mosl ond try them onywoy. The more you proctice them, the less intimi-
doting they'll be. lf one of the Romontic Moves is eosy for you, refine it
When you qre leoving qnywqy.
by proclicing it often. We wont you to feel comfortrcble with these moves
greot lost thing to do
while pushing yourself to go outside of your normol comfort zone. These
lntroduction con be o fun, exciling woy to connect with
moves ore going to bring out the romontic you.
when you're leoving o bor, reslouronl, store or wherever you moy be.
in
The Goodbye lntroduction is o
mony sociol situotions. The Goodbye
o hot womon
When you wont to interocf with o womon who intimidotes you. The Goodbye lntroduction is designed to be over quickly; il doesn't put you in o situotion where you ore foced with o womon without horing ony ideo whot
tll
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ll/s simple, eosy, trc
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When you wont to build your self-esleem with women. When you're feeling too intimidoted to try to hove o long conversotion with o hot womon, the Goodbye lntroduction might be exoctly whot you
ril8 par[$ m ril0 080nng$ l]lil'0mcil0]t The Goodbye lntroducfion hos four ports, ond they're oll importont:
need. ll,s not designed to get you her number or emoil oddress, though
you con use it for thot; ifs designed to get you into the gome of seduc-
Tell her
tion on o much deeper level thon simply soying hi.
thing like "l hove to go nov/' or "l'yegorio run, my friends ore woiting for
yov're leoving.
You tell her you ore leoving by soying some-
me outside."
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This is o very importont step. Most of the time, women you don,r know
well qre going to osk themselves some combinotion of three things when
lmogine you're ot the gym ond you see o womon who's reolly ottroctive. But she's busy lifting weights, ond it seems like your gym isn't such o
you first interrupt them or toke o conversotion into deeper, riskier territory. These questions ore obout her sofety; they ore 'Whot is he going
friendly ploce onpvoy.
to do to me?," "How long will it toke?" ond '!Vhy is he soying this to Here's whot you do: leove the gym when she is between sets or stretch-
me?"
ing. Then, on your woy out, introduce yourself like this (smile while you
do it!): "Hi, l'm iust leoving ond I only hove o second here, but before
I
go I reolly wonted to inhoduce myself to the womon who hos such wonderful form. My nome is Ron." She'll soy something bock like "Oh hi, my nome is Mondy." Then you soy, "l've gotto go, but I hope to see you
This is why, when you do the Goodbye lntroduction, your first words ore
"l hove to leove." Soying thot you hove to leove
mokes it eqsier for her
to listen to you becouse il onswers two of her most pressing questions. She knows the interoction won't toke long, ond since il won,t toke long, there's less bod stuff thot you'll hove iime to do to her. Addressing those
here ogoin." Then you leove.
sofety questions is importonl, ond soying "l hove to leove" or some voriThis simple infieroction creotes on opening
br you to trclk to her
next time
otion thereof hondles thot nicely.
you see her ("Hi Mondy, how ore you?"l.lt olso gives you o woy of interocting with her
br
you. Becouse you
the first time without there being much risk for either of lrall
her right owoy thot you qre leoving, she's less likely
ic be ofroid of you wosting loh of her time. lt olso builds your esleem ond
h/s importont
to know thol you con'l iust onswer her sofety questions
explicitly through some sort of direct, dignified conversotion, which men somelimes try to do. Men who try to olloy women's feors directly olmost
teoches your nervous system thot you con ocfuolly survive tolking to beou-
olwoys foil; they end up soying something like "l'm not o stolker or ony-
tiful women, which mokes il more likely thot you'll do it ogoin in the future,
thing, I wonted lo meet you" or "Don't be ofroid, I iusl wonted lo soy hi.,,
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These never work, becouse soying these things is so incredibly suspi-
cious thot they steer
o womon bock into her sofety questions.
instontly osk herself,
'lVhy is he telling me he's not o
lntroduce yourself.
This port is simple-simply stote your nome.
She'll
stolker? ls it
becouse he is one? Who/s he going to do to me? How long will it toke?" She ends up terrified, ond the conversotion goes nowhere good.
she'll probobly respond by relling you her nome ond being friendly. After oll, whot does she hove fo lose if you're obout fo leove onyrvoy? From there you con either moke some chitchot (which we,ll tolk obout
or leove, your self-esteem increosed by hoving token o risk ond hoving hod o reol, romonric interoction with on qftroctive womon. soon)
Soying
"l
hove lo go," on the other hond, isn't ot oll suspicious ond
onswers her sofety questions well enough for her to relox ol leqst o little. This ollows her to be more open ond receplive to whot you soy next,
The Goodbye lntroduction doesn'f usuolly get you
when you...
whof it
Tell her you couldn'l leove without complimenting her.
women directly ond romonticolly, ond o big port of becoming o seducer is becoming thot klnd of guy. Anhis point in the seduction skill build-
You
simply soy, "but I iust couldn'l leove without infoducing myself to the womon who..."
o dote right
owoy.
does do is moke you into the kind of guy who opprooches
ing, the point is not to get her in bed; the poinf is to get you to be the kind of guy who con do this sort of thing. The Goodbye lntroduction builds thot oggressive, seductive muscle, which is whot will help you suc-
Compliment her.
The compliment itself will depend on the situotion
ceed with women.
you ore in. Whot is it obout her thot you're odmiring? Are you odmiring her style? her posture? her rodionce? her smile? Whotever it is, you
il.
Furihermore , iI you use the Goodbye rntroduction ot o gym, bor or ony-
of course-if you're odmiring o
ploce you might see the womon ogoin, you now hove qn opening with
womon's breosts, for inslonce, we shouldn't hove to tell you thot soying
her: you've complimented heri you've introduced yourself to her os o powerful mon ond you know her nome. Next time you see her, you con
compliment
(This is within reoson,
"l couldn'l leove without introducing myself to the womon who's got one hell of o rock" is not going to sound very seductive.) Find something to odmire obod her thot she'll see os o compliment ond give it to her-soy something like 'the womon who is so incredibly rodiont" or "who hos such o beoutiful smile."
t
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soy hi ond use your other flirting skills with her.
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Here ore some exomples:
ll0lllg ffie 800[BUE |ll[l|0Dllc[I0|l [0 B$[ 00llmffi lnFo]|lnafl0ll You con use the Goodbye lntroducfion to get o womon's phone number
or emoil oddress. lf you soy, "l wos iust leoving ond I reolly gotlo go, but I iust hqd to stop ond soy hello lo fie womon who is so beoutiful. Hi, my nome is Dovid." She might soy, "Hi, my nome is Soroh." From there you con soy pretty much onything. lf you're ot the gym, for instonce, you cqn osk her how she likes the gym or how often she works out. You con osk 'lVhot's the stoqy behind thot?" or use ony of the other flirting skills.
"Hi! l'm iust leoving now, bd before I went, I hod to come up ond lell you thot you hove such o beoutiful smile, it lights up the whole room. I iust hod to let you know
fiot before I left. By the woy, my
nome is Ron."
"Hi, I hove to go-my friends ore woiting for me outside-but before t left t hod to come up ond tell you thot you look incredibly beoutiful. By the v/oy my nome is Donold."
"Hi, l've gotlo run right now, but before I do I iust hod to toke the risk of coming up ond telling you thot you hove such o bequtiful
When you ore reody, you leove-ond we suggest you do this while the
smile. By the woy, my nome is Dovid."
conversotion is still fun. Firsl, soy lo her, 'You know, I reolly hove to go,
"Hi, l'm lust on my \ /oy out ond only hove o second, but before
but you seem like on inleresling person qnd I would reolly like to know
went I iust hod to come up ond tell you thot you hove on omozing
you o little better. Whot would it be like if we got together sometime? Con I hove your emoil qddress or phone number?" lf she soys yes, greotl Toke her info ond be gone. lf she soys no, well, you hove
sense of style. I wish I hod to time to stoy ond seduce you, but
I
I
reolly hove to go. By the woy, my nome is Ron."
lo leove ony-
woy. Soy, 'lV'ell, it's been nice to meet you!" ond go.
c0lnln0ll $00[BU0 Skipping the first port.
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The most common error men moke with this
is skipping the first port of the Goodbye lntroducrion. They stort tolking
As you con see, the Goodbye lntroduction is reolly very simple.
You
opprooch her, tell her you're leoving, tell her you couldn'f leove without
to o womon but they don't tell her "l'm obout to leove, so I only hove o moment to lolk to you." This leoves her not knowing whot you ore going
complimeniing her, compliment her, introduce yourself ond either leove
to do to her or how long it will toke ond sends her right bock into her
or stoy ond toke the conversotion forther.
sofety questions. She thinks, "Oh my god, whot is he going tc do ond
how long is this going to toke?" You've got to tell her you only hove o momenl ond will be leoving, even if lhe contoct slretches out into o much
longcr convcrrolion.
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Not reolly complimenting her. lf you're used to being iust friends with women, it con be very hord to compliment $em on something
out loud. This is cruciol. There's o huge difference between reoding the
romonlic or sensuol. You might be ofroid to let o women know thot you
exomples in this book ond octuolly speoking them out loud. We recom-
think she is beoutiful. You might be emborrossed or worry thot your
mend thot you memorize one or two of these ond proctice them
compliment might hurt her in some woy. You might worqy thot everyone
20 fimes out loud. You hove to get used to hoving these words come out
will know whot you soid to her ond will lough ot you.
of your mouth so thot when you're in front of o womon you con iust open
Not procticing out loud.
Proctice possible Goodbye lntroductions
l0 or
your mouth ond the right words will come out. When you let these feors run you, you're likely to give o tepid compliment, like'You hove o reolly nice briefcose" or'Those ore nice shoes."
Being unwilling to work your wqy up.
Such mild complimenls don't show your romontic interest ond don't
for the hottest women in the world ond do fiis seemingly mossive thing
show thot you're the kind of guy who's willing to toke some risk with
if it's too terrifying. You moy wont to proctice this ot first with o women
women. You're likely to come ocross os too mild, ond tho/s not good.
whom you oren'l mossively ottrocted lo iust to get the experience.
Nol feeling good oboul doing it.
Woiring for it not to feel risky or scory.
Hoving soid thot, if you're veqy
You don't need to go
lfs worth knowing
fiot
o mild compliment ('Thot's o very nice pin you're weoring")
the first few times you do the Goodbye lntroduction will be very scory
might be oll you con do ot first. lf so, do it ond celebrote thot you did it;
for you. You'll be ofroid thot something terrible will hoppen or thot she'll
if you're shy, thot moy be o big step. Don'l expect it to blow her owoy,
be incredibly upset by it or thot she'll lough ot you or thot everyone will
becouse it won't. But it moy give you the confidence you need to give o
know whot you did ond you'll be o complete ond uiter fool in eveqyone's
bigger compliment nexl time, ond tho/s oll thot reolly motters.
eyes. After you've done it o few times you'll know thqt ifs reolly not thot
shy, giving
big o deol, ond
ifll
get much eosier to do. The problem is you hove to
We hod one studenl who would do the Goodbye lntroduction ond hoted
go through those first few scory times to get to thot point. lf you woit for
every minule of it. tf women didn't drop to their knees to give him orol
it not to feel risky before you try, you'll never try.
sex right then, he felt like o complete foilure. This mode him seem grove,
heovy ond even scory lo women, so he never got the result he wos look-
Even ofter you've leorned thot you con
ing for. You hove to lel yourself feel good obout whot you do. Doing o
wifhout being inslontly struck down by lightning, there will still be o
Goodbye lntroduction is o big step, ond no motter how it turns out you
scory momenl eveqy time you do it, right before you open your mouth
should feel good obout it.
to tolk. Thofs the moment of commitment, the moment the sky diver
do the Goodbye lntroduction
experiences right os he's obout to iump oul of the oirplone. You con't
t
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woit for the feor to go owoy before you do it. You just hove to lump. Open your mouth ond soy the Goodbye lntroduction.
t
8lmafl[nil rupnll[
c0llcH$r0ll Mony men ore ofroid to do the Romontic, Flirting Moves, or the Goodbye lntroduction. But when we tolk to women, they tell us thot heoring o Goodbye lntroduction or experiencing some Romontic Moves with
o mon often mokes their entire doy. ll/s o nice thing to do. Controry lo whot you moy believe, you con be
cllflp[0l'
o
sweet guy ond reolly moke o
women's doy by flirting with her ond showing romonlic inlerest. Don'l deprive women of this fun, feel-good experience!
.
There you ore in front
Moyb"
of o hot womon ond you wont to flirt with
her.
she's the receptionist of your dentis/s office or the woitress ot your
luncheonetle or the womon who ot the moll who's selling you o new tie. You need o good woy to
fli* with women in these ond mony other nor-
mol, doy-to-doy situotions. When you encounter o womon, you need to be oble to flirt with her in o fun woy thot shows her you're o guy who pro-
vides loughs ond is stimuloting to be oround. Situotionol Flirting is the key.
uila[ H $ffillan0nil rilI'flllg? You've probobly seen men who were reolly good ot ioking oround ond
kidding with women. Perhops you've even hod moments where you were thot guy. Men who ore good ol kidding oround with women ond
who con moke thot kidding romontic ore procticing Situotionol Flirting.
Situotionol Flirting involves two key skills: creotive misinterpretotion ond osking outrogeous queslions. Creolive misinterpretotion hoppens when you toke some detoil in the environment thot you ond the womon ore in ond oct os though thot item is dromoticolly different thon it is. You then osk on oulrogeous question obout thot misinterprelotion. You will leorn
how trr do thig in this chopter.
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For instonce, you moy be interocting with o womon who hos o comero.
Situqtionol Fli*ing works well on oll these problems. lfs fun, light, pleos-
You moy moke the creotive misinlerprelotion ihot her comero con steol
ont, enioyoble ond energizing for you both. lt creotes o shored reolity
souls ond then osk the oulrogeous question:
ero-ifs
"Oh,
I see you hove o com-
not going lo steol my soul, is il?"
between you,
o fontrcsy world thot the two of you cqn revisit on
occosions (more on this loter). And it mokes her look forword
b
fufure seeing
you ogoin. This ioke is on opening for her to ioke bock with you. Mony women will respond humorously, soying something like, "No, this isn't my soul-steol-
ing comero-l left thot one ol home." At the very leost, most women will smile ond lough. As the ployful interoction progresses, you con odd, "l
ilrB $8u0ll fieu$ 0F $t[mfl0llil
ill'fllls
q numbers gome.
think your beouty hos stolen my soul olreody." Then you're reolly in the
Remember thof dofing is
reolm of effective Situotionol Flirting.
proctice Situotionol Flirting, it's o good ideo to remember our old odoge:
As you begin to
"Doting is o numbers gome." Situotionol Flirting is not going to work Siluotionol Fli*ing comes down to finding something in lhe environment
100 percent of the time; nothing does. Situotionol Flirting is not o quick-
o loke obout or osk on
fix kind of thing. Not oll women ore going to be receptive to humor;
thot you con creolively misinterpret ond moke
"Outrogeous Question" obout. lf you con do thot, you con proctice
some will get scored ond stoy scored. To
Situotionol Flirting.
shoot. When you begin Situotionol Flirting with reol-world women, iust
o certoin exlenl, ifs o crop-
remember thol doting is numbers gome.
llllru Pracflc$ $r[llflfl0m ]ill|fl]lg?
Women look ro you for certointy thof fhings qre okoy. When you're procticing Situotionol Flirting with o womon, you must pro-
You need to proclice Situotionol Flirting to solve some of the eorly prob-
vide o sense of certointy for her thot whot you're doing is okoy, thot
wi$ o womon you've iust mel:
there isn't ony problem with you ioking oround with her or with her iok-
lems thot shows up in ony interoclion
How ore you going to moke o light, enioyoble connection? How ore you
ing oround with you.
going to build thot initiol stote of ropport? And how ore you going lo do
ii in o woy thot is fun ond enioyoble for both oI yov?
Some women might be
o
little bit scored ot first when you stod doing
Situotionol Fli*ing becouse you ore definitely interrupting them on o deepLook ot it from her point of view: she's worried thoi you're o creep. You
er level ond osking them
need to creole on enioyoble, memoroble experience together thot shows
ity. They ore going to be looking ot you, your behovior ond your level of
her you're o trustworthy, fun guy who she might wont to spend time with.
confidcncc ond combrt to figure out whether or not there's o problem.
f
ltuflf
iou[$rot{gtrlL
UUl'lltrN
trc
ioin you in o humorous, ployful pretend reol-
I
il0tx t0 I8l[ l0 ul0m0[
$i&888i0tli, nirbills
lf you seem incredibly neryous, ond come ocross os if you ore thinking,
Be reody for o vqriety of responses. When we storted proctic-
"Oh my God, is this going to work? l'm doing o horrible thing-l'm
ing Situotionol Flirting, sometimes we ended up with women storing ot
being weird. I sure hope this doesn't wreck her doy. l'm o bod guy," it
us like they were reolly scored. lt olmost never hoppens now becouse the
will moke it more likely thot she will get upset. lf you seem to be think-
more we proctice this flirfing skill the more we trust it ond the more we
ing, "Greol! l'm moking this ioke ond she is going to look to me ond if
con proiect thot trust ond reloxotion to the women we're flirting with.
I om okoy
wifi
it she'll probobly be okoy with it too," she will more like-
Be prepored to prcvide bofh sides of rhe flirring interoc.
ly be fine with it.
tion.
Most women
will be oble to ioke bock with you; some won't.
Ultimotely, if you moke o Situotionol Fli*ing ioke ond she hos o problem
Remember when we ioked obout o womqn's cqmero steoling your soul?
with it, remember: il's o numbers gome ond her problems ore hers, so
Well, whot if she didn't hove ony comebock ot oll? lf so, you'd provide
whot else con you do?
the comebock-something like the one you hod hoped she would use. You might soy,
Use your body. Using your
bo*
involves smiling, moking eye contrrct
with ond putting energy ond vitolity intn your voice. lf you're frowning, scowling, looking ot the foor or mumbling, it's going to be hord get Situotionol Fli*ing tc work
'Voit,
thofs nof your soul-steoling comero-you musl
hove left it ot home." She con lough ot this ond you'll toke her off the hook for hoving to be clever in order to enloy being with you.
br you trc
br you. Smile, breothe, look ot her ond give
it your best shot!
R.emember your Situqtionol Flirring question. When you wonf
lo proctice situqlionol flirting with o womon, look oround the environment you ore in ond osk yourself, 'Whot is there in this situotion obout
Proctice, proctice, proctice. Situotionol Flirting is complicoted enough
which I con osk some sorl of outrogeous or silly question? Whot con
thot you probobly won't moster it overnight. lf you're used to trying to
creotively misinterpret in this situotion thot might be lvnny?" The onswer
control conversotions with women, ond most unsuccessful seducers ore,
to thot question will guide you in your Situotionol Flirting. You'll see how
it moy loke some proctice before you get used to letting go of control-
we use thot question in the exomples below.
I
ling the conversotionol outcomes ond moking creolive misinterpretotions ond osking outrogeous questions.
To succeed qt Situotionol Flirting, you need to be in the flow of the
t0al'lll|ls $fi[an0llar ]ul'flllg
moment, not trying to controlwhere the interoction might toke the two of
We're going to give you exomples of Situotionol fli*ing. Pleose note
l0 or 20
this: These exomples ore going to seem silly becouse they ore silly.
you. h/s risky ond will toke time to get used to, so give yourself tries ot this before expecting it to
t
hel noturol.
You'rc being silly when you look ot something in the environment ond
uruunruuuolrfl
milrcf,
t
lle$ ts l0ll{ T0 t'{olncNr
$ibu8timal air$inc
soy something silly obout it or moke on outrogeous ioke oboul it. We've
ond got o lough.
used oll of the iokes below in reol life ourselves ond they've oll gone
he gove her
quite well, so don'f worry if these seem weird on the printed poge.
smoll woy thot she wos speciol, not iust on outomoton dispensing tickets.
Also remember thd these exomples qre not prescriplions: we ore not sug-
DAVID: Here's onother exomple. lwos ot the
To
thot womon he wos funny ond fun to be oround ond
o brief, pleosuroble experience. He showed her in
some
Czop buying clothes.
I
gesting you do these exoct Situotionol Fli*ing convefsotions. These exom-
don'l know if you've noticed, but oll the employees ot the Gop
ples ore to get your mind thinking in this mode, so you con come up with
weor rodio heodsets. I don't know if they con tolk on the phone or
your own, be flexible, ond hove the flirting interoction reolly work.
poge eoch other or whot, but it struck me os odd, so I osked myself,
DAVID: I wos recently in St. Louis ond I wos buying o ticket to go up
'lVhot
is there in this situotion obout which I con osk some
sort of ouirogeous or silly question? Whot con I creoiively misinter-
in the St. Louis Arch. There wos o reolly pretty girl selling the tick-
pret in this siiuotion thot might be funny?" And, of course, the
ets. So I wos osking myself the moin question you should osk your-
heodsets stood out. So I osked the heodseFweoring girlwho wos
self for situotionol flirting: 'tVhot is there in this situotion obout
ringing me out, "Con you lounch the spoce shuttle with thot?" lt
which I con osk some sort of outrogeous or silly question? Whot
wosn't very fr.rnny, but she thought it wos funny enough to lough
con I creotively misinterpret in this situotion thot might be funny?"
obout il.
So I smiled ond osked her, "Do you ond your friends get to go up there ond porty ofter hours in the Arch? Does it get to be your
I continued, "Oh, I know whot they're doing with
ployground?" She soid, "Oh yeoh, we do hove porties up there
ore feeding you pro-Gop propogondo eoch ond every moment,
somelimes. You con renl il out, you know." She wos nice but wos-
oren't they?" And she loughed ond soid, "Oh nol I love the Gop!"
n't reolly getting into the ioking mood yet, so I smiled ond osked
And I soid, "Oh, so it's working-they've progrommed you tc love
her, "ls it o ploce where you get to go o lot? Could you ond me go
the Gop!" And she loughed more, ond there we were, hoving o fun
up there somelime?" And she loughed ond soid,
'Vell,
I think you
fiot heodset*they
interoclion together.
should try it out with o ticket first." lt wos o successful flirting inter-
oction.
So the next time I come into the sficre I con do the some thing ogoin. I con come in ond smile ond soy, "Oh, so they're still feeding you
Dovid took something in the environment, the Arch itself, put qn outro-
thot pro-Gop propogondo through your heodset, right? Are you still
geous spin or interpretotion on it ("ls this your personol ployground?")
pro-Gop?" l/s become o running ioke, ond she ond I hqve thot little shored reolity together thot is difbrent from our ordinory lives ond is
T
Ifllltrlltule
ilqllqfnt
um
I
ll0t[
u0
Inl[
lD
lllm0n
$isll0lri8fiat fiirsi{ts
3omothing thot gives her pleosure. lt mokes it pleosuroble for her to
counter. I osked myself the question,
3eo me ond she knows thot I om someone she con ploy with. This is
tion obout which I con osk some sort of outrogeous or silly ques-
the kind of thing thot fits in with oll the flirting tools in this book.
tion? Whot con I creotively misinterpret in this situotion thot might
'lVhot
is there in this situo-
be funny?"
RON: I wos grocery-shopping the other doy ond there wos o womon in the olcohol section who wos pretty hot. I osked myself the ques-
So I went up to her with the book I wqs holding, smiled ot her ond
tion, 'lVhot is there in this situotion obout which I con osk some
soid, 'This book looks pretty good. Hove you reod it? Con you
sod of outrogeous or silly question? Whot con I creotively misinter-
review it
pret in this situotion thot might be funny?" I thought obout o misin-
prelending to be shocked, 'lVhot, you hoven't reod oll the books in
lerpretotion: whot if she wos on undercover cop looking to orrest
the bookstore? I thought you knew qll of the booksl You look so
underoge kids for trying to buy olcohol?
knowledgeoble there behind the informotion countrer!" And she
br
me?" She soid she hodn't reod it, so I soid, smiling ond
loughed ond soid, "Nope, not mel Though I do like trc reod,
I
So I smiled ond osked he4 "So, whot ore Vou doiryfr Are you scout-
hoven't gotien to oll the books yet. l'm still not even done with the lit-
ing for oll the underoge people who ore trying6 buy beer? You're
eroture seclion, ond they keep odding to it!"
not going tc bust me, ore you?" She loughed ond loked bock, "l
don't know, you don'l look too young!" I held out my wrists for her
RON: There's o lot of stuff you con do in o bookstrcre. I hod on experi-
imoginory hondcuffs ond soid, 'You could bust me if you wont "
ence once when I wos in o bookstore ond I sow o womon looking ot
ond we loughed together. lt moy look stupid when you reod it here
books obout UFOs. l osked myself, 'Whot is fiere in this situotion
but she wos loving it.
obout which I con osk some sorl of outrogeous or silly question?
Whot con I creotively misinterpret in this situotion thot might be So I took the next step: I soid, "My nome is Ron, whofs your
Ivnny?"
nome?" h led to something. I could hove gone for her emoil oddress
or phone number. lf I see her ogoin, I olreody hove o connection
Here's whot I did: smiling, I held up o book ond osked, 'lV'ere you
with her, so it will be eosy to build upon it. We hove o fun imogi-
obducted by o UFO? I wos obducted once. Whot do you think?
nory world between us now. She knows she con be silly with me.
shore some qbduction sficries." lt sounds stupid, but she wos lough-
Ler,s
ing. lt put her ot eose.
DAVID: You hove probobly noticed thot very pretty girls often work ot bookstores. lwos ot one such bookstore ond I sow o
prefi girl
who worked there iust sort of honging out behind the informotion
unngl
n
ll0'ir m nffi t0 ll{8rrsn
$i0$stri08al
nit'tins
ln thot situotion, you mighr olso "misinterpref' o womon to be on olien
looked ot thot condy, ond osked myself the question, 'Whot is there
ond soy, 'lV'ow, so ore you o beoutiful olien here to obduct people for
in this sifuotion obout which I con osk some sorl of outrogeous or
tests?
l'll bet thotyou ore...ore you going to toke me?" lt mokes o ioke,
compliments her ond shows your romontic interesl. lt/s going to be hord
silly question? Whot con I creotively misinterpret in this situotion thot might be funny?"
for her to stuff you inlo the "iust friends" cotegory ofter you confidently told her she wos bequliful during your first interoction with eoch other.
So I smiled ond soid,
'A
ior of Tootsie Rolls! ls this br me?" She
soid, 'tVell, it depends...Hcve you been good this yeor?" And
DAVID: Here's onother exomple. I wenl into the bonk, ond there wos
I
thought, "Grerll, she's ploying olong! Thots wonderfr;|." I soid, "l
o girl behind the counter, ond we were doing some bqnking lrons-
think l've been pretty good, but in some woys l've been pretly bod,
oction-o typicol bonking experience. I osked myself the question,
too." She loughed, ond I soid, "l don't know, I might need some cor-
'Whot is fiere in fiis situotion oboul which I con osk some sort of
rection os well os some rewords. Do you think you would be oble
outrogeous or silly question? Whot con I creotively misinterpret in
do thot?" She loughed, I went on with my tronsoction ond I left hov-
this situotion thot might be funny?"
ing hod o successful Situotionol Flirting interoction.
And here's whot I soid: "So, do you get Iokep
Notice how these flirting intreroctions hoppen with women you see
money ihot comes in? You know, like o grotuity?" And she loughed
every doy in ploces you go on o regulor bosis: the bonk, the gro-
ond soys, "Oh, thofs so fr.rnny-lwish I could." Then I took our little
cery store, bookstores ond so on. Using this tool, you con use these
shored fonicsy one sfiap further: "Oh, but then you would hove ic
ploces lo meet ond connect wilh women.
trc
pqy o percentoge of whot goes out, too. Thot would be bod." She loughed ond soid, "Oh no, I wouldn't like thot
port*l'd
iust keep
RON: There is one womon ot my bonk who I om working on. I om
the money when it comes in." I smiled ond soid, 'Thot would be
getting closer lo osking her out by flirting with her on o regulor
perfect for you! I con see it now...You get trc keep lhe money
bosis. So every time I go in there, I continue o running ioke
becouse you do such o greot iob!" She soid, 'Yeoh, thot would be
Situotionol Flirting move I storted with her weeks ogo. She is iust o bonk treller, but I olwoys kid her obout becoming bonk president. I
perhct. Here's your money, hove o greot doy!" Next lime she
sees
me, she'll be reody to hqve onother fun interoction with me.
soy, "Okoy, Liso, when ore they going to moke you president of the bonk? l/s obod time! I know you hove been doing this work
n
Here's onother exomple. I wos ot the bonk oround Chrislmostime,
only so you con infiltrote the bonk, ond I know thot pretty soon
ond os I went up to the treller I noticed thot right by her window
you ore going to be the president. ln foct, I om going to be your
there wos o gloss ior full of Tootsie Rolls with o bow oround it.
orrilirnt..." lt is iusl this for-out story thot I keep sustoining ond
I
utur!,[ouhil!rlfllmH
l|rlur $0
lll,r
x0
tj$|lme|l
8i&llabi8nel llir$ins
thot we build upon every time I see her. l'll soy things like 'lVhen
come once o week." And so I creoted thot humorous interoction with
you ore the president, I will come ond I will shovel the snow off
o womon by osking myself whot I could creotively misintrerpret into
your cor ond we'll hong out, you'll do personol loons to me, ond
on oulrogeous, frlnny question.
together we'll moke o killing in interest rotes..."
RON: Here's onother exomple from o coffee shop. I wos sitting in o h/s eosy
to keep it going, ond she loves it. ln her doy-to-doy lib, she
probobly feels like the lowest rung on the lodder-which she isond here is o guy who octr.rolly con see her nol only for whot she
coffee shop reoding the book You
Just
Don't lJndersftrnd. lfs obout
men's ond women's relotionship ond communicolion issues. l'm siF is
but in o for-oul, flottering woy. So thot hos gone reolly well for me.
ting there reoding this book ond it is boring me, so I storted osking the womon sifting ot the next toble whot she thought obout oll
of these exomples. l'd osk her things like "lt sqys women feel like DAVID: Restouronts ore onother greot ploce to proctice Situotionol
men tqy to fix them insteod of listening. Do you think thot/s true?
hr
Flirting. For instonce, nol too long ogo I wos in o bokery where
Hos thot been true
they hod o giveowoy going: you dropped your business cord in
versolion, ond I got her number ond emoil ond ended up doting
this fish bowl ond if they picked it out, you won q yeoy's worth of
her. Thot oll come out of osking her
free breod. There wos o cute giil
#hind
fish bowl. I osked myself the question,
the counter next to the
'lVhot
is there in this situo-
you?" lt turned out to be on hour-long con-
o silly question from the book,
eliciting her opinion ond tolking. Then, oll of o sudden, we were connected.
tion obout which I con osk some sort of ouirogeous or silly question? Whot con I creotively misinterpret in this situotion thot might
ln this exomple, Ron didn't even "misinterpre/' onything. He wos simply
be fi.rnny?"
willing to toke whot wos in the environment ond omplify it o litle. He wos osking himself if the exomples in the book he wos reoding were
I soid to her, "So, you're going to give me o yeoy's worth of free
breod, huh?" She soid, "Sure, if you win." I soid,
"L,el
true. Then he took his curiosity ond osked lhe womon ot the next toble.
me piclure
lhis now: you're going to pull up in o gigontic truck ond dump o
ln o woy, thofls whot oll of this is obout. When you do Situotionol
yeoy's worth of breod on my lown?" She loughed ot the imoge ond
Fli*ing, you loke whot is in the environment ond moke it o little bigger,
soid, "No, no, I won't be doing it!" I soid, "Oh, so somebody else
o little more fonciful, until it becomes o little world in which you ond o
will be dumping the breod on my lown ond you will be like the fig-
womon con enter together. You con leorn to do this with proctice.
ure in the bockground who mokes if hoppen but doesn't reolly come trc
il
deliver it herself?" She loughed ond soid, "No, no, the breod will
r,u!ulru!0llqqll{f,l|lll$
ffi,trEH
n
l|0!r t0l8llr l0 ws8ell
$imflni0n*l ftiriting
Your Situotionol Flirting con be truly oulrogeous. Just keep osking your-
DAVID: Here's onother exomple of Situotionol Fli*ing. This
is ot o den-
self, 'lVhot is there in this situotion obout which I con osk some sort of
tis/s office. I wos getting my teeth cleoned-ond if tho/s someihing
outrogeous or silly question? Whot con I creotively misinterpret in this
you hwen't done in six monfis or so, you should probobly coll up
situotion thot might be funny?" The opportunities reolly ore everywhere.
your dentist ond moke on oppointment. The receptionist wos o very pretty girl. As she wos checking me in, I osked her; 'Are you the
For instonce, if you're drinking o cup of coffee with o womon, you could
guordion of this bod, evil ploce?" She soid, "Oh yeoh, l'm the
look ot the grounds in the bottom of the cup ond soy something like "l
guordion oll right." I soid, 'Well, con you put o spell on me, oh
heord thot some people con tell your fortune by looking ot your coffee
guordion, so the work on my teelh won'i hurt?" She soid, 'lVell,
grounds...ifs sort of like ostrology. People do it in Turkey. Would you like
don't know." So I soid, 'Okoy, how obout you put o spell on me so
me to reod your fodune? Would you reod mine?" lf you're drinking teo,
thot the teeth cleoning won't hurt?" She giggled ond soid, "Okoy, l'll
you con osk, 'Vould you reod my teo leoves for me? I wont to find out
put o spell on you. But I think you will still wont
obout love." She will lough. ond thot is o funny, romontic thing.
Novocoin." So I come bock with, 'lVell, I don't know. I om preily
trc
I
try the
bewitched by you olreod, but okoy." We hod this wonderful pking This doesn't even hove to be o big deol. When you're leoving
o restou-
ront ond your pretty woitress osks you, "Do you wonl your receipt?" You
conversofion obout how she hod this mogicol power ond it wos fun
br
us both.
\
't '{ell, yes, I om going to tqke this os o memento of our time
con soy,
together. l'll'keep it forever." lf you smile while you do it, there's o good
RON: I con think of one exomple of Situotionol Flirting thot Dovid ond
chonce she'll lough, ond you'll hqve hod o Situotionol Fli*ing intreroclion.
I did together every time we sow o cerloin womon ot our locol co-
op groceqf store. She wos kind of punky-looking ond would weor Situotionol Flirting is nol necessorily obout getting her phone number {or
ormy fotigues most of
emoil oddress) right then ond there, olthough you con certoinly use it to
ond every lime we wenl there we would solule her: "Hello
get her number. lt is more obout being o guy who knows how to flirt,
Generol, how ore you todoy? Whot ore our orders?" She would
becquse flirting, combined with soying
hi,
combined with osking
fie time. So we nicknomed her
the Generol,
iust crock up.
'!Vho/s ihe story behind lhol?," combined with the Romontic Questions, combined with giving risks, combined with everything else in this book, is whot not only gets you
o dote but gets you o dote with o womon who
We hod o running ioke obout her being on ormy spy. We'd osk her,
'Are you here spying or ore you here for some covert operotion?"
hos been primed ond tested ond who is more thon likely reody to be
And she would soy, 'Yep, l'm here spying." We'd soy somefiing
romontic or even sexuol with you well before the dote even hoppens.
like "So, you're here to see whot is going on in this sficre in cose
n
utuu,[!uhil$$lllls
w0lurlEa.
r
ll0ut &0 lnlfi l0
lr8$ell
fiifiua&issat rlimil|s
you hwe to moke o ficcticol move, right?" And she'd soy something
Bosicolly, onywhere you encounrer o womon you should be osking your-
like "l'd tell you, but l'd hove to kill you." lt wos reolly fi.,n, ond
self,
when we'd come in, her eyes would light up ond she would reolly
oulrogeous or silly question? Whot con I creotively misinterpret in this
look brword to tolking to us.
situolion thot might be funny?"
'tvhot
is there in this situofion obour which r con osk some sort of
Here's onolher exomple: We were in New York City on o beoutiful
spring doy once doing some promotion for one of our books ond we were wolking down the street ond these three beoutiful women come out of this noil spo. They hod iust hod their noils done ond
00llcil$ru|l Situotionol Flirting occomplishes o number of worthy gools:
lhey were odmiring lhem, ond I sqid to lhem, "Oh, i/s the beoutiful noil women! You musl be here to show the world your beoutiful
when you proctice sifuotionol Flirting with o womon, you show thot
noils. Con we see?" They were thrilled fic show us their new noils.
you're not iust o friend becouse you're ploying with her in o woy thot o
We told them how beoutiful they looked ond how beoutiful their
lowly mole friend never would.
noils looked ond they were loughing ond giggling. We ioked obout how they musi be getting reody to be in on internotionol noil conlest
You're interrupting her ot o deeper level ond inlecting yourself into her
ond they thought it wos greot. lt wos reolly fun for us
consciousness. This shows her thot you're the kind of guy who con go
trco.
ofter whot he wonts ond con moke things hoppen. Here ore some ploces where you con try out your Situotionol Flirting skills todoy:
. The heolth club . The moll . The bonk or credil union . The coffee shop
You provide pleosure for the womon. you creote
of her normql life.
o
A reslouronl
o
A bookstore
o The video store
.
o An)ryvhere else you find yourself
Il
moke-believe
world together, which is o welcome relief from the difficulty ond redium
.Abor
. A shop . A line
The subwoy or troin
o little
situotionql Flirting olso brings out o ployful port of yourself, which
is
se4y to women. Remember, silliness ond sexiness hove o close relotion-
ship. When you flirt ond ore silly with o womon ond provide her with
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reossuronce thot things ore okoy, you become sexier to her.
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Finolly, you provide o fun experience for yourself. When you hove fun
esleem ond more energy thon when you stortred.
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As you get better ond better ot Situqtionol Flirting, you'll find thot it cre-
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with o womon, you leove the interoction chorged up, with higher selF
I
otes q self-reinforcing rycle: the more you proctice it with women, the
more energy you hove, ond the more you wont to do it with women.
And thot's good.
We're now going to toke fli*ing to the next level with o process colled
.
Deepening. Deepening is o woy of toking onything o womon soys to you ond turning it into o bonding conversorion. Deepening is oboui hoving on intimote tolk ond developing ropport.
This is port of
o series of
steps thot leods to osking o womon out ond
getting the dote. Hi leods to osking '!vhot's the story behind thor?,, which con leod to Deepening. Deepening then moves into Romonric conversotions ond osking for the number. When you feel comfortoble with this progression ond hove some experience trying it our on women,
you'll quickly become o pro. Whot exoctly is Deepening? Deepening is o conversorionor mode thor ollows you to get inro o womon's world ond find out whot she's possionole obout. Deepening is o woy for you to ocknowledge, ond help her ocknowledge, whot she cores obout. Deepening is powerfur becouse mosl women oren'r used to being recognized in woys
fiot feel romonlic. Most women don't see themselves os speciol ond oren't used to other people seeing them os speciol. When you're oble ro see the possionote ond speciol ports of o womon ond feed ir bock to her, she,ll feel o bond with you' with Deepening, you con develop o connection wirh o womon without bomboozling her.
I
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you hold eye conloct "foo long," moke decisions quickly ond eosily, wink
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ot o womon, check out her body, compliment her, keep your body pow-
a
You osk o womon questions obout her possions qnd interests.
a
Bosed on whot she tells you, you describe her possions ond interests
for her so she feels ocknowledged ond
sees the detqils
erful ond whisper to her, your chonces of hoving o successful Deepening Conversotion ore greotly increosed.
of her life in
This is only o lesl... When you conduct o Deepening conversotion,
o new ond positive woy.
you qre testing to see if o womon might be someone you wont to go out with. You ore festing to see if she likes you ond if you like her. Eventuolly,
you'll either tolk obout topics she's possionote obout or you should prob-
IllO FIUE BA$M N[M$ OF IEEDE||MS Focus on
obly end lhe conversotion ond move on lo someone else.
whqt q womqn is possionote qbout.
The purpose
of Deepening is to look for oreos in o womon's life where she feels possion ond feed it bock to her. You ore volidoting ospecls of her life thot most people do not see or ocknowledge. When you show o womon thot she's speciol, she
Be
on the lookout for openings to osk for o dole, phone number, or emoil
oddress. Wotch
for
chonces
to osk for
these things. The gool of
Deepening is for women to hove positive experiences with you, hove lhem expose ports of themselves to you thot they rorely expose to ony-
will feel oppreciotive ond bond with you.
one else ond then hove them feel enough sofeiy ond ropport to go out
Poy oilenrion to deroils.
Poy otiention to the detoils of whot the
womon is soying ond look for woys t'c feed bock those detoils
trc
with you.
her in o
romontic woy.
[eBpBlltns c0nu$l'$afl0ll I Avoid the Deepening trop. When you ore osking o
womon
Deepening Questions, sometimes she'll mention negotive ospects of her
life. l/s importont to ovoid topics thot she is upsel obout. When bod things come up, redirect lhe conversotion to whot is working in her life
DAVID: Here's o recent exomple of o Deepening Conversotion I hod ot o porty. I wos tolking to o womon ond osked her o simple queslion. DAVID: So whot do you do for o living?
ond whot she's most interested in. CASSIE: l'm o sociqlworker.
Alwoys include the Romontic Moves. To insure
lhot you come
ocross os o romontic possibility, you need to use the Romontic Moves. lf
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DAVID: Wow, thofs reolly interesting. You must see oll sorts of things in o iob like thot.
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CASSIE: Yes, I do.
CASSIE: Wow, thoi is reolly greot thot you see thot too...
DAVID: Where do you work?
RON: Le/s tqlk obout this exomple. You got her tolking obout whot she is most possionole obout ond then you resficfigd it bock trc her,
CASSIE: lwork down ot the hospitol.
which is how Deepening works.
DAVID:
Let me osk you
o question. ln every iob there ore ospects thot
hrs
o simple question ond hoving the conversotion become more intimote
you dislike ond moments when you feel like you reolly don't like
ond personol. From there, Dovid could hove built up to osking
whot you ore doing, but then lhere ore moments when you feel
her phone number or osking
like you reolly ore doing whot you were pul on eorth to do.
wifi
o good exomple of strcrting
br
br
the doe.
I
DAVID: ln this Deepening Conversotion
would be curious to know, if you would core to shore, whol ore
I wos oble to get
o lot of
informotion from her. She seemed very interested in tolking to me
some of lhose moments for you?
ond gove lengthy onswers to eoch of my questions. CASSIE: Well, I help the fomilies of children who ore getting orgon tronsplonts. I do oll the coordinoting ond I olso deolwith oll of
their emotions.
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DAVID: Tho/s reolly incredible.
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CASSIE: Yes, il's on omozing iob. And lhere ore times when I om
DAVID: Whot do you do?
2:
working with fomilies ond I reolly do feel like you soid, like I om SOPHIE: l'm on occountonl.
doing whot I wos put on eorth here to do. I get the surgery ond the orgons coordinqted. I get the kids reody ond I get the fomilies
DAVID: I find occounting interesting. ln my business l,ve been studying
reody ond it is like I become o member of their fomily for o while.
some occounfing lotely- lt must reolly feel omozing when you ore
oble line up oll those numbers ond oll those columns. lt must feel
DAVID: Wow, thot is reolly incredible. You must reolly be o womon
incredible when you hove evefihing bolonced ond everything
who volues moking o difference in people's lives.
is
perfectly in order. CASSIE: I reolly do, thot is whot I reolly love obout my iob. SOPH lE: Yes, tho/s exoctly whot
DAVID: I don't get to see thot kind of o thing in o womon every doy.
ifs like.
I
reolly oppreciotre seeing thot in you, ifs reolly inspiring to me.
DAVID: Lefs tolk obout this exomple. ln this exomple I come up with o woy to bed bock to her the exciiement of those best moments in occounling, When I fed thot bock to her I wos oble to see some-
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thing in her life thot most guys do not see. Most guys would hove
h's importonl to remember thqt some women hote their jobs. So
soid something like "So, whol kind of softwore do you use os on
you osk, 'tVhot do you do for o living?" o womon might soy
occounlont?" Bul I wos oble to see the mogic of hoving oll the
something like,
numbers line up. When I reflected her possion bock to her, her
reolly hote it." Then if you osk her if there is onything she likes
eyes got big ond shiny.
obout her iob, she's likely to soy, "No." lf thot hoppens, here,s
RON: One thing thot lwont to highlight in Dovid's exomple is thot he took o risk when he described to the occounlonl whot might be exciting obout her iob. I like thot he soid, "l finolly found on ongle thot I thought might work." Lel's underline the phrose "mighl
work." When you ore hoving Deepening Conversotions, you're going to be toking risks ond trying things out ond somelimes
"lwork for o dentist. I om his receptionist ond
if
I
how to hondle it. We recommend you soy, "Okoy, I would be curious to know, if you ore willing to shore, whot is it thot you ore possionote obout? Whqt is it in your life, if it is not your iob, ond
for q lot of us it reolly isn't our iob, thot reolly turns you on os o womon ond mokes you feel like you ore reolly doing something you love?"
folling flot on your foce. Dovid ond I hove enough experience, ond hove foiled enough, thot we hove o clue of whot might work ond whqt might not work, bul the only woy for you to get to o ploce where you know whot works is through triol ond error.
DAVID: With both of my exomples, I could hove chosen lo osk less intimote queslions-queslions thot would hove mode me more of o
DB0p8llllls c0llu0l'$afl0ll $ Ron tolked to q womon recently who told him she hoted her iob. So he
knew to ovoid osking her obout it. lnsteod, he osked whot she,s most possionote obout in her life.
friend thon o romontic possibility. With the sociol worker, for exomple, I could hove soid, "Oh, where do you work? ls thot o good iob? Wow, whot ore the hours like?" Those would hove been questions thot would hove kept me in the friend zone. lnsleod I osked,
'Whd
is it obout thot thot mokes you possionote, thot mokes you
feel turned on?" When I met the occountont, I come bock with, "lt must
hel incredible when you hove every'hing bolonced." She
soid,'Yes."
KATE: I love qnimols ond I volunteer ot the pet shelter.
RON: Thofs interesling. Whot ore fhe best moments when you're volunteering ot the pet shelter?
KATE: Some of the best moments for me ore when o dog comes in ond they ore sick ond I om oble to work with them qnd nurse them bock to heolth. I spend time with them ond then o fomily comes in ond odopts them. lt mokes me reolly hoppy when everything works out well. lt mokes me feel like I hove mode o difference in the world.
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RON: Wow, I con see you qre o womon who reolly volues moking o
times I write obout heolth issues. one of the best ports of my iob is thot I trovel ond wrire freelonce orticles for trovel mogozines. All
difference, ond thofs wonderful.
of my interests tie together.
KATE: Yeoh, I reolly do volue helping people. Thonk you, thofls nice to heor you soy thot.
RON: Le/s stop for o second. How is the conversotion going, Dovid?
RON: Well, I don't meel women every doy who ore so focused on
DAVID: l'm hoppy with it ot this point. As we exomine odditionol
helping people. I think tho/s reolly speciol ond I cqn see thot you
exomples of Deepening, you'll see how we go from osking whot
ore o speciol womon.
she does for o living to whot she,s possionote obout. I olreody osked Heidi whot she likes to wrire obour, which is o woy to storr
RON: The point of this exomple is thot o Deepening Conversotion con
exploring whot she's possionole obout. By
go well when you osk o womon whot she's possionote obout in
ry
osking personol
queslions, she sees me os o guy who is interested in whot she hos
her life ond ovoid focusing on her iob. Asking o womon whot
to soy ond who cores obout her life.
she's possionote obout in her life is o good woy to shift the topic
whenever she mentions thot her iob sucks. lt's o good technique to
RoN: A big port of Deepening is poying ottention to detoils.
Romonce
use when o womon storts tolking obout ony ospect of her life thot
is in the detoils. lt would hove been eosy for Dovid to soy, ,,Oh,
is difficult, stressful or chollenging. You con eosily move on to
you're o cook ond you write, whot else do you like to do?',lnsteod
more pleosont topics by osking her whot she's possionote obout.
of overlooking $e defoils ond osking mundone, generol quesrions, Dovid wos oble to dig deeper into specific interests of Heidi's ond feed them bock to her.
le0D8llr]ls c0llu8r$afloll 4 Lel's
go bock ond look ot more of Dovid,s conversqfion.
DAVID: So Heidi, you seem inleresting to tolk to. l'd be curious to know whot you do for o living?
DAVID: I see how it oll kind of fits togetheri the cooking, the troveling
HEIDI: l'm o writer ond q cook. I cook for o couple of people who ore
ond writing obour restouronrs ond food. Tho/s inreresting,
it
is
olmost os if there is this whole lifestyle oround cooking ond writing
reolly busy. Both of my iobs ore pretty fun.
for you.
DAVID: Thot sounds interesting. Whot do you like
trc
write obout? HEIDI: Yes, tho/s very much whoi my life is obout. Those ore my key
HE
lD
l:
I write obout cooking, heolth ond current events. Sometimes
I
review restouronts, somelimes I write oboul cooking ond other
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DAVID: I know thot in every kind of iob or coreer there qre ports of it
DAVID: When I om cooking o meol, it's nice to be in o kitchen where
thot kind of suck. Moybe it sucks to be woshing the dishes or cleon-
everything is humming olong. You've got oll these different pots of
ing o kitchen, but I olso know there ore other moments thot ore reol-
food cooking, oll the ingredients qre cut up ond you reolly feel like
ly stellor-momenls where you reolly hel like this is whot you were
you ore on top of it oll.
pul on this eorth to do. I would be curious to know whot some of HEIDI: I love thot feeling. Thofs q good woy ro describe whot i/s like
those moments ore for you.
to be cooking o multi-course meol.
RON: I wonl
irc
butt in here ogoin. One of the clossic Dovid lines is whot
DAVID: Somelimes l've got o zillion things going ond l,m doing one
he iust osked Heidi. l/s o greot phrose.
thing with one hond ond something else with onother. There ore
DAVID: Here's onother question I recommend:
'lVhd
might be one of
mony pots of food oll cooking ond eoch pot is cooking ot o differ-
those moments where you feel the work you ore doing is reolly turn-
ent temperoture ond everything is going olong iust perfectly. sometimes iust get lost in the process.
ing you on?" When you osk thot question or lhe one I iust put to Heidi, the womon you're tolking to will hove to slort exploring her
Yes, thot's o wonderful feeling.
life in o new woy. Let's look ol the conversotion some more.
RON: Le/s iump in ond moke some commenb obout where this con-
HEIDI: Like I soid before, I reolly like to trovel, ond i/s greot thot I con
versotion is going.
trovel so frequently. I reolly enioy meeting new people ond seeing new ploces. Somelimes I om flying somewhere ond I think, 'lVow,
I
DAVID: t told Heidi thot she contribures to people,s lives through her
I
om getting poid to do this."
writing ond her cooking. I decided thot it wos more powerful to look ot how she contributes to people's lives rother thon osking
DAVID: You ore moking o contribufion lo people's lives, loo. ln both the
whot she likes to cook or some less personol queslion. From there
foods you ore cooking ond in your wriling you're moking o differ-
wos oble to odmire the foct
ence in people's heolth.
fiot
she mokes o difference in peo-
ple's lives ond then feed it bock to her.
HEIDI: Tho/s true.
lom reolly interested in heolth ond nutrition. I like RON: ln these exomples of Deepening you con see how we ore oble
teoching people qbout it becouse I believe the emotionol, physicol
to describe to women the exciting ports of their lives in woys they
ond spirituol ospects of life ore oll connected.
do not usuolly see. We ore volidoting something thot they don,t DAVID: Thofs cool. l've done o lot of cooking myself.
normolly ossociote with themselves. When we ocknowledge those
HEIDI: Thofs greot!
things, like Dovid did with Heidi, we bond with the women.
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DAVID: I wont to point out thot I took o risk when I told her thot I om inleresled in cooking. As o generol rule, you should limit how
like you're doncing with it. There is olso the moment with the pres-
much you shore obout yourself, ot first. lt never ceoses to omoze
entotion where you ore octuolly putting the food out. I don't know
me how often I rediscover lhot women ore not interested in men
if you ever think obout putting the food on the plote ond how
during the initiol conversolions.
beoutiful it looks on the tqble.
HEIDI: Oh yes, I om reolly picky obout thot. When I used to cook in o
I decided thot it wos okoy to mention thot I om into cooking
becquse I thought it would be o bonding detoil. I olso thought
reslouront, I didn't let onyone else do the finishing of the dish.
I
t
could use my interest in cooking os o springboord to stort describ-
think it is reolly importont for me to hove it bolonced visuolly ond
ing good feelings ossocioted with cooking. So I tolked obout how
to hove o nice color controst going on with the different foods thot
good it feels to hove severol things cooking ol once ond how eosy
ore on the plote. lt is definitely on ortistic thing ond I reolly
it is to get lost in the process.
express myself through the presentotion of food.
RON:
Yes, thot wos
o good segue for her to tolk obout her experience
DAVID: Those moments ore reolly speciol. There is ollthe setup ond
os o cook. Since you ore octuolly into cooking it wos o good
oll the preporolion, ond then you toke o second ond look ot oll the
move. There is no reoson to lie or even be misleoding to get
food ond feel oll the effort you iust put into creoting somefiing
women into your life or into your bed.
wonderful. You reolize thot in 20 minutes the food will be gone,
DAVID: When I menlioned oll the pots going ol once ond being in the flow of cooking, I knew she would relole to thot description. When
When you ore oble conduct o Deepening Conversolion ond include the Romontic Moves, you will reolly stond oul from other men.
but there is thol perfecl moment iust before you serve the food. Do
you know whot l'm soying? HEIDI: Yes, I do. l've hod thot experience frequently in my life ond i/s
she responded, I could see her eyes light up, ond she smiled.
Lel's
continue on with the conversotion ond see where it goes.
HEIDI: lfs octuolly like putting on o show or something, becouse you hove oll these little components coming together ot once. I cooked
in restquronls for yeors ond often hod the experience of people working together to prepore something wonderful to eot. I know exoctly thot feeling you're tolking obout.
n
DAVID: l've noliced thot there is o flow when I om cooking; ifs olmost
llrllullouburuflIful
reolly speciol. lt's reolly exhiloroting.
DAVID: I con see thol ortist in you. I see the ortistry in getting the food perfect for people ond the qrlistic presenlotion. A wonderful meol is something so creolive ond reolly gives people on experience. The right meol is so memoroble. You put together o meol, you put
it in front of your guests ond it is perfect in every woy. You've mode o reol contribution, which is greot.
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RON: Lefs iump in ogoin. So how ore things going, Dovid?
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DAVID: l'm hoppy with how things ore going. I see thot lhe conversoDAVID: Now lel's look ot o shod conversolion betueen me ond
tion hos gotten more inlense ond we're getting olong well. First
Megon. This conversolion is o greot exomple of Deepening ond
off, there wos tolk obout how greot it feels to be in o kitchen. ln the bock of my mind I wos soying,
'lVell, I know lwonl her to be
goes through the Deepening structure we've been teoching you.
I
feeling o sense of connection lo me, ond l'm seeing things in her
stort by osking Megon qbout her iob, ond the conversotion unfolds
life thot she doesn't get to shore with mosl people." So I osked
nicely from there.
myself whot else in
fie oreo of cooking might be o moment where
DAVID: Whot do you do in your life thot reolly inspires you?
she would feel those reolly good feelings? When I osked myself
thol question, I decided lo mention thot the moment of presentotion is
o moment where you might feel reolly good. So I osked her
obout the presenlolion. Heidi seemed to get off on thot question.
I
MEGAN: lt's reolly importont to me to hove iobs thot inspire me. For yeors I hod o iob thot I iust loved. I wos in chorge of o smoll-town Chomber of Commerce, ond they thrived on tourism. I hod o boll
told her, "l con see thot ortist in you." She responded positively to
working lhere, coming up with new ideos ond promoting the
thot.
town.
You con see
#ot Deepening is not gimmicky stuff. You con tell from
Heidi's comments thot she volues orl, creotivity ond selFexpression.
I
om not using cheesy lines with Heidi, l'm trying lrc find woys to moke o deeper conneclion.
DAVID: lt sounds like there were o lot of moments in thot iob where you reolly felt like you were doing whot you were put on eorth to do.
MEGAN: Yes, I conslontly felt like lwos doing my life's work. When
I
hod o new ideo, everyone got behlnd it ond implemented it. By the woy, my conversotion with Heidi
will continue in the next
chopter.
Sometimes the iob wos reolly difficuh. Sometimes the people in ihe
community were hord lo work with or there would be unexpected problems. ln the end, however, when eoch proiect wos over, everyone wos olwoys hoppy ond I wos responsible for oll the success.
DAVID: Thofs o greot feeling when you hove finished o big proiect. h's wonderful to look ot
scones, the things
fiot
oll the work thot you did behind the
no one will even know you did, ond see
whot on occomplishment it is lo complete such o greot proieci.
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MEGAN: Allthose nights lwould be up lote, counting things or putling
RON: Whoi ore you possionote obout in your life?
pockets trcgether, I olwoys feh like it wos oll worth it in the end. TE
DAVID: Thot is reolly greot.
RRI: Music is one thing I reolly like. I recently storted singing ond
l'm olso leorning how to ploy the guitor.
RON: Thofs greot. I love the guiior ond l've been ploying for o long
RON: Le/s iump in here. Your thoughts, Dovid? DAVID: When you're iust getting lo know o womon it often mokes sense lc tqlk qbout sob ond gentle subiects ond then
loer build into
time. I don't meet mony women who ore ospiring guitor pros. TERRI: I iust love music.
A friend of mine is o guitor ployer ond wonF
heovier, more romontic tolk. We wont to reiterole thot Deepening
ed me to slort leorning so we could ploy together. I thought the
conversotions ore oll obout creoling o connection with o womon
guitor might be more fun thon the drums.
thot hos her feel like you see somelhing in her thot most people do
nol see. Being oble tc see things in o womon thot most men don't see creofies on emolionolconnection.
With Megon lwonted to focus
on tolking obout her iob ond on getting
b
know her os o woy lc
stort the bonding process.
RON: I ploy guitor, so I know whot thot is like when you ore ploying ond you get lost in the music ond you feel like "this is greot' ond
you lose yourself for o few moments in the music. TERRI: Yes, I know whqt it feels like to lose myself in music. I hove o question for you, did you sing with other people when you were
ploying?
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RON: Yeoh, I ployed in bonds for o long time. lwos olso o touring
ln this conversolion, look ot how Ron keeps deepening the conversotion
with Terri. Ron gets owoy with being very direct with Terri. Depending
musicion for o few yeors.
DAVID: I wonl to iump in here for o moment ond look ot how
Ron
on your personolity, being silly, obnoxious ond sort of pushy with
went quickly went from tolking obout music to tolking obout the
women might work. Whot mokes this exomple with Ron work is thot he
moment where you ore ploying music ond getting lost in the
is ployfulwith Terri but only octs silly in the conlext of ropport building.
process. He is looking for moments where Terri feels possionote.
He conlinues to osk her questions obout whqfls importont
lo her ond
He is toking whot she's tolking obout, which is music, ond looking
whot she's possionote obout. You con get owoy with being o bod boy
for woys to feed it bock to her in o romontic monner. Let's go bock
when you combine moking o connection, being respectful, hoving fun
ond reod more.
ond pushing the limits oll ot once. When you only ioke oround ond only oct obnoxiously, o womon will not connect with you.
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RON: The oct of ploying music is o lot of fun. You know the feeling of
RON: All right, set $e mood for me. Lefls soy you invite me over to lis-
getting lost in music ond being oble to sponloneously creote some-
ten to you sing ond ploy guitor. Lel's soy you invite me over for o
thing reolly bequtiful?
privolre listening porty, whot would the mood of it be? Whofls the
experience like for you when you ore sitting there listening to
TERRI: Yeoh, I hove wriften some songs ond it's fun.
music thot you love?
RON: Thofs greot thol you've been oble lo write music. DAVID:
Let's breok
DAVID:
in here ogoin for o second. Ron tolks obout getting
lost in music ond she does not reolly onswer. So he goes bock ond tries to qsk her o similor queslion. Ron disploys tenocity in thot he hos to keep guiding lhe conversoiion into romonlic spoces no mot-
point,
in. How is this conversotion going for you ot this
Ron?
RON: At this point I om trying to moke the big shift into osking for her phone number ond/or osking for the dote. We've tolked obout music ond I feel like our ropport is pretty good. So now I wont to
ler how Terri replies. When you ore hoving Deepening Conversotions, ifs importont thot you keep guiding o womon
toword possionote conversofions ond possionote trcpics. Eventuolly, you'll either successfully iurn lhe conversolion to something
Let's iump
try to test her ond see how receptive she is to the ideo of me coming over to her ploce. lf she's unreceptive
lwill go bock in ond do
more Deepening, ond if she's open I will osk for the number. she's
possionote obout or you'll probobly wont to stop tolking to her. Le/s look of some more:
Another odvontoge of testing Terri by osking how she'd feel to hove me over lo her ploce is thot it tokes the conversotion lo o much deeper oreo.
RON: Tho/s greot thot you've been oble to wrile music.
DAVID: Another thing Ron did in thot segment of the conversotion
TERRI: I reolly enioy writing music ond l'm focused much more on
wos to ovoid the trop of osking her why her iob sucks. Mony of us
music these doys thon on my job. Music iust reolly iuices me up
foll into $e trop of trying to be compossionote mon ond coring by
these doys.
osking her obout work problems. Hoving o womon tolk obout oreos of her life thot ore not going well is generolly o bod ideq. lt
RON: Do you go see live music o lot?
is o woy to kill o seduction. Luckily, Ron ovoids thot trop ond storts
Terri: I don't see mony live bonds right now. l've mostly been focusing
on leorning how to ploy the guitor ond olso on creoting my own music. l've been reolly unhoppy with my iob these doys, but music hos been reolly fun.
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looking ot whot it would be like for Terri to hove him over to her house. This is where he storts pushing the limits.
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RON: I wonbd to osk her o ploful ond silly question so thot if she
DAVID: As you con see Ron wos working to noil down o dote with
didn't wont to go out with me my comments would sound like o ioke. At the some time, if she is intrerested in me she knows thot
her. He soid, "l could come over ond help you if you wont me to." I
It seems like their conversotion is heoding towords o dote ond
om inlerested in going out with her. I like testing women in o
Terri seems receptive to going out with him. She's osking Ron if he
humorous monner becouse I leorn o lot obout where I should toke
con sing hormony ond she's wondering if he knows how to use
the conversotion next.
recording equipment-oll good signs. You con olso see thot he's not octing like o friend, lhere's o romontic feel obout lhe converso-
Let's listen
lo Terri's onswer:
tion.
TERRI: My choice in music reolly chonges o lot. lf I om ploying guitrcr
ln the next chopler, we'll look ot severol more conversotions ond leorn
ond singing then il's probobly folksy, ocoustic music, nothing
Advonced Deepening skills. But let's go over whot you've leqrned so for.
foncy. Tho/s the style of music I like ploying the most.
The Deepening process seems pretty simple when you reod obout it, but
RON: Okoy, lefs set the scene ogoin. You've invitred me to your ploce ond you ore serenoding me ond I om wotching you closely. Thot
conducting
o Deepening
Conversolion con sometimes be confi.rsing.
Here ore some key poinls to remember:
sounds wonderful.
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TERRI: Are you going to sing olong?
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RON: Not ot this second, but I would if I wos with you ot your ploce.
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TERRI: Do you know hormony? Con you sing hormony with me?
Focus on
RON: Sure, thofd be greotl
Deepening is to look for oreqs in o womon's life where she feels possion
whct q womqn is possionofe oboul.
The purpose of
ond feed it bock to her. You ore volidoting ospects of her life thot most TERRI: Gon you help me operote my four-trock recorder? I hoven't figured oUf how to use it ond l'd like to record myself singing some
people do not see or qcknowledge. When you show o womon thqt she's
speciol, she will feel oppreciotive ond bond with you.
of the songs l've writlen. Are you good with recording equipment?
RON: l've done quite o bit of recording ond would hove fun ploying oround
wifi your four-trock mochine. I could come over ond help
UUU.Iottlbom!q{ltlll
lo defqils. Poy ottention to fie detoils of whot the
womon is soying ond look for woys to feed bock those deirils romontic woy.
you if you wont me to.
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Avoid the Deepening trop. As we
mentioned before, when you
peok, where you hel irotrrlly turned on? I would be curious
ore osking o womon Deepening Questions, somelimes she'll mention negofive ospects of her life. lfs importont to qvoid topics thot she is upset
obout. When bod things come up, redirect lhe conversolion to whot is
b
know, if
you would core tc shore, whol ore some of those momenls tor yov?"
o
Another simple question to osk o womon is 'Whot ore you mosl possionote obout in your life?"
working in her life ond whot she's most interested in.
Alwoys include the R.omqntic Moves. As we olso soid
before,
c0Ilcil$nll
to insure thot you come ocross os o romonlic possibility, you need to use
the Romontic Moves. lf you hold eye conloct loo long, moke decisions
Here ore two fiings you con do to slort using this skill in your interoc-
quickly ond eosily, wink ot o womon, check out her body, compliment o
tions with women:
womon, keep your body powerful ond whisper to her, your chonces of hoving o successful Deepening Conversotion ore greotly increosed.
Look for opportunities lo hove Deepening Conversotions ond slort
This is only o test... ln these exomples, you con see how Ron ond
osking some of the Deepening Questions. T Stort to qsk Vhot do you do for o living?" qnd T Vhot is it thot
Dovid were testing the womon's ottroction ond receptivity by using the
you find reolly touches your heort? I know some moments qre reol-
Deepening conversotionol structure to push things o little. You should do
ly difficult but $ere ore these moments where you feel like you
this, too.
were put here on eorlh to do thot thing. Whot ore those moments tor you?" Experiment, ond stort hoving Deepening Conversotions.o
rllB roD rilII8B DEBD0|lr|ls [[8$[nll$ A good woy to slorl o Deepening Conversolion is to osk o womon whot she does for o living. This is o low-pressure question ond most women
will feel comfortoble onswering it.
Dovidt Deepening Question: "l know thot in every kind of iob or coieer there ore ports of it thot kind of suck ond other moments ore reolly stellor where you reolly feel like this is whot you were put on this eorth to do. You know those moments where you reoch the
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Rnunllr0[ r88pgllllls ln this chopter we'll continue to provide
exomples
of
Deepening
conversolions. We'll olso include severol Advonced Deepening skills. By the end of this chopter you'll be crystol cleor on how to initiote ond
monoge Deepening Conversotions. ln the next chopter, we,ll show you how to move from Deepening conversqtions to Romontic conversolions.
ln this chopter you will get o much cleorer sense of how to move from Deepening conversotions to osking for phone numbers ond how to toke the seduction fo the next level.
Here's o preview of the Advonced Deepening Skills you,re going to leorn
in this chopter:
a
Why Deepening Conversotions with women sometimes foil
a
How to include yourself when describing scenes to o womon
a
How ond why you musf ossume ropport
a
The importonce of hoving fun when tolking to women
a
How to osk open-ended questions
a
How to evoke informotion thot o womon would never shore with
o slronger
_jiffi,
a
How lo use Deepening Conversotions to creote q conneclion
a
How to ure Deepening lo odmire women
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a
How to qsk women obout greot momenls in their lives
o
How to use Advonced Deepening Questions like mosl possionote oboul?" ond
'lVhot ore you
'lVhot ore the postcord moments
fhot you will remember for the rest
of your life?"
SUE: I hove to go bock to the orts becouse thot is my fovorite thing.
I
like to go to orl openings, ort shows ond I om o very progressive person. I like oll kinds of qrt but especiolly modern ort. I like being creolive ond I like creotive people. I olso enioy live music ond
Why you should ovoid pushing o womon during Deepening
hove o wide ronge of musicol interesfs, from clossicol to iozz ond
Conversotions
blues.
a
The importonce oI "you" stotremenls
a
How to toke on o "you" point of view
a
Why you must shut up ond listen
a
How Deepening is like fishing
a
Whot to do if women turn the tobles on you
a
How Deepening Conversotions con leod to touching or kissing
a
How osking 'tVho/s the best port of it?" con offen sove the doy
RON: l'm o big music fon too. Do you frequenily go see live music? SUE: I go to os mony concerts os
RON: Would going to o concert be something you'd consider o
fr,ln
dqle?
DAVID:
Lefls lump
in here. Sue gove Ron o lot of informotion ond he
instontly moved in o romontic direction with thot lost question. He So here we go: lights, comero/ more Deepening!
is leorning informotion obout her interests ond plonting the ideo in
her heod thot they might go on o dote.
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RON: I om olso ossuming ropport, which is reolly cruciol. I om ossum-
I
ing thot she's into tolking to me ond into being with me. l/s cruciol
RON: This is q conversotion with Sue. Note how lgo from osking her whot she's possionote obout to moving lhe conversotion into o romonlic ond sery direction. This conversotion is o good exomple
of how quickly you con move from simple Deepening Questions to
lo ossume the best when you're with o womon. Mony of our sludents ore so used to hoving conversolions
wifi women go poorly
thot they olwoys ossume the worsl. When you ossume o womqn doesn't like you ond is not enioying being with you, you come ocross os owkwqrd ond uncomfortoble. When you're tolking to
romontic tolk.
do your besl to ossume ropport ond your confidence will
RON: Sue, whot is it thot you ore possionote obout? You mentioned eorlier thol you ore interested in ort ond olso into being o biker bgbe, but I om curious obout your other interests. Whot else ore
ln Deepening, we're looking ot whot o womon is possionote obout
ond inbrerlad in. So eorly on I om focused on finding out
you possionote obout in your life?
Sue,s
intororlr ond porsions, lt is obvious thot she is into ort, creotivity,
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music/ so I wonl to connect those topics lo me. Sue seems very open
Pick o situotion you wonl to describe, such os o fun dote, o greoi
ond flirtotious ond there is o lot of eye contocl, so I wont to bring up
trip, o vocotion or o conceri.
romonlic topics right owoy. Mony of our sludents woit too long
lmogine thot you ore describing her in thot situotion ond odd
before pushing conversotions in o romontic direction. Our students
detoils lo lhe scene to moke il more intimote. lf you leorn thol she's
often think they need to woit until the end of o conversolion to bring
inlo ort, you could osk yourself whot obout being in on orl gollery
up romontic lopics, but ifls often better to bring up romontic topics
would moke it more intimote. Perhops you imogine drinking wine
eorly on. lf there is o spoce to osk Romqnlic Questions, go for it.
ol on ort opening ond getting lost in o conversoiion. Moybe you imogine looking ot the ort ond opprecioting its beouty. Moybe you
To turn up lhe romonce with Sue, I osked her whot o greot dote
would look like to her. I wonted
b
imogine ifs on elegonl ort opening ond everyone looks so beouti-
osk her questions thot creole
ful ond you iust look ot eoch other ond smile ond feel so hoppy.
openings for me to osk her out. I olso wonted to osk her questions thot would quickly show me whether or not she'd be open to going
Whotrever lhe scene, you odd intimote detoils.
o
out with me.
Put yourself in the scene. The
imoginory scene would feoture the
two of you ot on elegont ort opening, borh looking greot ond reol-
ly hoving o fun time. Or moybe both of you ore drinking wine ot on ort opening ond hoving o fun time loughing ond smiling ot
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both of you ore storing ol the beoutiful ort on the wolls ond get-
ting lost in it together. lnsteod of describing
o greol concerl or o wonderful piece of ort,
in
Advonced Deepening, you describe o sifuotion where you ond she ore together ot o concerl or on ort museum. lnsteod of describing o fun orl
r
Now describe this scene to the womon. Yes, you eventuolly hove to toke the risk to tolk. You need lo open your mouth ond creole some of these situotions when tolking to lhe womon you ore with.
gollery or museum, you describe o scene where both of you ore ot on ort gollery or museum looking ot ort. lnsteod of describing o romontic condlelit dinner, you describe o romonlic dinner where the two of you ore drinking wine ond hoving o greot time.
Afier you hove some clues obout the things o womon is interesled in, we recommend you follow this four-step sequence o few times during eoch Deepening Conversotion.
When you describe romonlic scenes with the two of you, il's lust one more woy for her to stort imogining you os o potentiol lover. The process
goes like this:
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leove? Whofs going on in your mind ond whot con you do thot
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second to slorl hoving fun? Hoving fun, being sexy, being interesF
When we left off with this chot, Ron hod iust osked if Sue thought going
ed ond being interesting oll work together.
lo o concert would be o fun dote. Let's listen
in some more:
SUE: l'd enioy going to o concerl. l'd even enjoy iust going to o bor RON: You've convinced me. I om reody to toke you oul, ond we leove
ond listening lo some live blues. Nothing is more fun thon hoving
tonight. l/s our secret operotion.
fun, drinking ond doncing your feet off.
SUE: [Loughs] I wont to explore the whole world, which is my possion.
RON: Well, whot qbout going on rides on the bock of o Horley?
I hove o gool to trovel oround the world before I die.
SUE: I think thot would be greot too. l'm on odventurous person ond
I
love bikes. So my ideo of o good time would be lo just get in the cor, or get on o bike if it is o nice night, ond iust heod out some-
reolly go for whol they wont. I meet o lot of women who wont lo
where ond moybe iusl go oll night ond foll osleep where we end
go for it, but most don'f hove the guts lo go out ond reolly do
up-moybe iust sleep outside under the stors. I think thot would be so much fun.
DAVID: Le/s iump in. How
it.
SUE: I hove been to Europe ond Mexico, but I reollywont to go to
Asio ond Austrolio. The next trip I om plonning is to visit Asio. is this going?
DAVID: Lel's iump in ogoin. ls fiere ony'hing you wont to soy,
RON: I om getting o lot of useful informotion from Sue. I om osking
Ron?
RON: lwos feeling closer ond closer to osking her out. lwos hoppy
questions ond getting informolion on where to possibly toke her
with the poce ond depth of the conversotion. Sue seemed to be
on o dote. I om qlso osking her questions thot will hove her think
hoving o good time tolking to me ond we were bonding.
of going out with me. Lostly, I om hoving fun tolking to her.
r
RON: Where hove you troveled? I don't meet o lot of women who
I used humor to connecl with her. Turning o dote inlo o secret
Hoving fun when tolking to o womon is reolly importont. lf o con-
operotion mode it more fun ond exciting. I took the conversotion
versotion is not fun i/s often o sign thot the womon is not inlerest-
into o different direction ond in the process we both hod fun.
ed in you. Whenever you're not hoving fun il's importont to osk
Women like to go on odventures ond they like it when you con be
yourself who/s nol working. Are you nervous? Are you trying too
ployful. When you con creote dotes fiot ore odventures, you'll
hord to get into her ponts? ls she boring you so bodly you wqnt to
como ocro3s os seductive, romonlic ond fun.
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DAVID: Simplifying your life is such on importont thing. lwould guess thot you ore someone who volues trying to simplify things when
ln this conversotion Dovid uses the Deepening Questions you've been leorning.
everything seems complex. ls thot true?
LAURA: Absolutely, I keep working ot it ond olwoys try to simplify things for myself.
We wont to worn you oheod of time thot Louro is on odd womon, bul very ottroctive. She tolks obout wonting to simplify her life ond ot times comes ocross like o survivolist. Are there o lot of weird women out there? Yes!
Are there women who ore inlerested in topics you find siupid, bor-
DAVID: Whot does your vision of o simple life look like? LAURA: Just o simple house in
fie country ond not hoving to work
much.
ing ond insone? Yes! Are there women who will soy things ond give opinions you strongly disogree with? Yes! So it's importont thot we include some women in this book who ore o bit odd ond off-kilter since
DAVID: Thot sounds nice ond much more loid bock. Lel's iump in.
Hor/s this conversotion going for you, Dovid?
you're likely to encounter them in your own doting life. DAVID: At the beginning I osked her whot else she would like to do in ln tolking lo rondom women you will encounler women who seem odd to you. We oll encounter women who soy unusuol things. Our tosk is to
decide if they're worth pursuing. lf so, we need to stop focusing on the
business. I wonted to throw o wide o net so she wouldn't feel cor-
nered by my queslions. You wonl lo osk women open-ended questions ond give them the room to respond how they wont.
unusuol ospects of their personolities. Once you're pursuing o womon/
horboring negotive iudgments obout her tend to get in the woy of o successful seduction. Once you're in
o relotionship, you need to ignore the
Since Louro mentioned thot she wos simplifying her life, I osked her obout ii. ln the bock of my mind,
lwos looking for something
ospects of o womon's personolity thot bother you. lt's colled coping with
she's possiorrote obout, ond I kept osking questions until she gove
the horsh reolity.
me somefiing to work with.
LAURA: I reolly om turned on by the ideo of living in the country
DAVID: Hi Louro, nice to see you. l'm curious-whot is your iob? LAURA: I own o smoll hotel, but I om getting out of the hotel business to simplify my life. I olso own o computer consulting compony.
being pretty self-sufficient ond iust being oble to do whotever wont to do.
DAVID: So you reolly volue selFsufficiency, doing whot you wont to do ond toking it eosy?
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LAURA: Yes I do. I wont to toke o breok from the rol roce.
DAVID: Whot wos one of your books obout? One of them wos obout my cot Snowboll.
DAVID: Thot would be o reoson to stort your own business loo, to creote something you would be oble to sell ond to do exoctly whot
you wonl lo do. Tho/s cool. I don't get to meet women every doy lhot ore so direct in their lives. lt sounds greot to live somewhere beoutiful ond be oble to sit in the sun ond hove o good time.
DAVID: Le/s iump in ogoin. ln ihe lost seclion I spent o lot of time volidoting her desire trc live in q secluded oreo ond simplify her life. I
DAVID: Your cot Snowboll? H EID I
volues l'm seeing ports of her thot most people overlook. I om trrking notice of whot is speciol to her ond whot is speciol obout her. I om
Yes, it wos o book full of little illustrotions. lfs pretty fi,rnny to
look ot.
DAVID: l'd like lo heor obout H EID I
wont her to bel odmired. ln feeding bock to her the quolities she
:
:
it.
lt's mode out of construction poper ond eoch poge hos onother
little foct obout my cot. I wos probobly 5 when I mode it. Loter,
when I wos Z or so, I come oul with o bigger book obout unicorns.
olso listening intently tc whot she's soying. I om lislening for useful informotion ond concenlroting on how I con turn whot she's telling
DAVID: Wow, fho/s so cool. Thofs o reolly sweef childhood imoge. Do you feel thot now you're oble to top into thot little-kid energy
me intrc more Deepening Questions.
when you ore creoling stuff ond writing?
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ln the previous chopter Dovid tolked to Heidi. Here's the conclusion of
HEIDI: ltop into itsometimes. lcon feel itwhen lom writing for myself but nol usuolly when I om wriling for work. I find myself
being oble to be free when I om not writing under the pressure of
o deodline.
their conversolion. ln this exomple, Dovid uses Deepening to get Heidi's
DAVID: Would you sqy thot you get those moments where you feel
phone number.
like o little girl ogoin? You know, iust letting it oll go ond feeling
hoppy ond corefree?
DAVID: How long hove you been writing? HEIDI: l've olwoys enioyed writing. ln foct my Mom hos these funny little books thot I wrote when I wos o kid which she held on to. lt is
reolly hilorious looking ol them.
n
HEIDI
RON:
:
Yes, definitely. Let's breok
in here ogoin qnd dissect whot Dovid's done so for.
Tell us whot you're thinking ot this point in the conversotion.
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when I con let go ond enioy writing. Those ore olso moments
DAVID: Well, I knew from my previous conversotion with Heidi thot she works os o wriler. So I osked her obout the writing. Then she
where I think, 'Wow, I om getting poid to do this, it's such o fun
told me obout the books she wrole os o kid. I odmired Heidi for
thing for me." Then there ore limes when I hove writer's block ond
writing those little books. When she tolks obout her current writing
I lust con't write ot oll ond I hove o complete lock of foith in my
I osk her obout topping into thot little-kid energy.
writing. Sometimes there ore weeks when I iust dreod writing.
I om trying to focus the conversotion on feelings lhol ore open,
As you con see, Dovid is using stondord Deepening Questions with
receptive ond sweet. l'm bringing up imoges of feeling free ond
Heidi. He is olso digging into whot she's possionote obout ot o deeper
hoppy like o little kid. You should focus on osking women obout
level. Since he knows she's o writer he is osking himself whot could be
the best moments in their lives, both post ond presenl.
momenls in her life where writing feels the best. He then osks her whot
When Heidi told me obout the books she wrole os o kid, I soid,
it's like when writing seems to flow, ond he osks her to describe those
'Wow, thqt's so cool." She wos shoring something from her heort
feelings to him.
lhere, somelhing kind of intimote. Heidi wos shoring something
with me thot she would not necessorily shore with o sfonger, so
I
wonted to volidote her for shoring those things wiih me.
HEIDI: lwish I could incorporote those feelings of freedom ond wonder more into my professionolwork. Sometimes I con, but il's reolly fun to let thot side out.
Deepening Question.
h/s
one of those phroses you con use over ond over
in Deepening. Whenever you con find o woy to use thot question, you'll
bring the conversolion to o deeper level ond built more intimocy.
One lesson to leqrn from this exomple is to ovoid going into negotive
DAVID: You seem like o reolly interesting womon. lt's reolly greot fiot
spoces with o womon, os we sow in the previous chopter. Heidi begon
you're doing things in life thot you're turned on by. l'm curious to
tolking obout writer's block, which is reolly o bod feeling. lnsteod of tolk-
know whot you're mosl possionote obout in your writing. Do you
ing more obout writey's block ond trying to console her, Dovid simply
hove those momenls like
'tVow this is whot I wos put here to do"
ond you feel like the writing is coming through you?
HEIDI: Yes, lgo through periods like thot. I feelthotwoywhen l'm not thinking obout the finol product, not thinking obout whot I need to
do. I feel reolly hoppy when l'm qble to iust enioy the process-
n
Asking o womon 'lVhot ore you most possionole obout?" is o clossic
ullu[o$o!Wun!,[lfi
redirected her ottenlion. h's utter suicide lo try to fix o womon's problems. Our suggestion is to redirect her ottention.
When Bob the bod seducer
is
with o womon ond she mentions o prob-
lem he immediotely osks her to describe the problem in greot detoil:
"Oh, writcr's block sounds terrible. Tell me more obout it. Wow, thot
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sounds like obsolute torture. How often does it hoppen to you? I heord
oboul o writer who hod writer's block ond she hod to be put into o psych word
-
do you think thqt would ever hoppen to you?" Bob stupidly thinks
thot if he octs sympotheticolly enough ond ollows o v/omon lo shore her deepest poin with him then she will like him. Bob in foct olienotes women
by osking so mony serious ond intense questions
$ot
he comes ocross
os o complele downer. By osking women to describe their poin in greoter detoil Bob shoots himself in the foot ond digs himself deeper inio
o hole thot he con'l gef out of.
DAVID: Tho/s interesting, Heidi. I don't get to meet o lot of women who ore thot creotive. lfls fun lo heor obout your writing. HEIDI: Thonks, I love thot kind of writing. I reolly enioy observing people ond leorn o lot from wotching people.
DAVID: Are you observing me right now? No, not ot oll. DAVID: Now l'm scored. Uokinglyl
Rother thon hove Heidi tolk obout whofs not working in her life or how often she hos wriler's block, Dovid chonges the subiect ond osks her whot else she likes to wrile obout ond if she writes poetry. When he osks her
HEIDI: lwrite some poetry but l've never hod ony published. I don't usuolly shore my poetry with people; i/s iust o privote thing.
DAVID: Moybe if we get to know eoch other better o time will come
questions obout whot she likes in her life he shows thot he's interested in
when you will wont to shore some poetqy with me. I understond
her, but he's not giving energy to the depressing things she's tolking
moybe now is not the right time to shore it.
oboul. He is responding by guiding lhe conversotion into o positive direction. Your iob is to guide conversolions inlo romonlic ond intimotre spoces
ond qvoid topics where o womon is likely to get depressed or feel poin.
Do you write poetry?
DAVID: No I don't. I om more of o nonfiction writer, but I know whot
ifs like to be in the flow like you were tolking obout eorlier. Where DAVID: Whol gives you the most ioy in writing?
you foel like the words ore iust flowing through you ond it bels like you're in the donce of writing. Those ore moments when you fuel like
Heidi: I like to go to coffee shops ond observe people. I love to eoves-
you reoch beyond whot you're normolly oble to reoch ond you come
drop on people. lt's fun for me to iust stort writing obout the person l'm
up wit*r moteriol thot is better thon who you know yourself to be.
observing ond imogine
fiol I know them. I stort writing diolog
ond
imogining thot I know whot they're thinking. Sometimes my coffee-shop
writing turns into short slories. lt's reolly fun for me to do thqt kind of writing, i/s iust something silly I enjoy.
Yes, I know thot feeling very well.
DAVID: An importonl port of my life is hoving work situotions ond friends in my life thot bring out the better me ond help me see myself in o new, better light. Hoving those people oround mokes
lifu moro fun ond exciting.
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HEIDI: I reolly like writing ond you iust mode me think obout how cool it is to be oble to write somelhing ond ollow someone else to
"you" Io creote cleorer imoges.
h's very useful to describe things
from o "you" point of view. Tolking to women is oll obout getting
see
something briefly through your eyes ond iust know whot it is like
them to feel things, visuolize things ond imogine things.
to be you just for o second. Thofs why utilizing the you perspective in your speoking is so
RON:
Let's interrupt for
o second ond exomine Dovid's conversotion
importonl. lf you ore describing how greot it feels to be in the flow
with Heidi. The conversotion storted off plolul ond eosy ond now
of writing you might soy, "l feel so good when I om there ond the
it's getting much more intimote ond intense. Dovid's doing o good
energy is lust flowing through me ond the words ore iust flowing
iob hoving o heorl-to-heort tolk with Heidi.
through me." h's o lot more powerful to soy, "li feels so good
DAVID: I storted out thot section offirming her. I told her I don't get to meel o lot of women who qre os creotive os she is.
when you ore there ond you ore writing ond the words ore iust flowing through you ond you feel so connected to something lorger thon yourself, do you know whot I meon?" I wos iust describing
RON:
But you ore olso ioking
oround, moking some funny comments.
thot feeling os if she is hoving it. My hope is fiot when I use you
You're teosing her, ond thot seems to be o good woy to go with
stotemenls she'll soy to herself, "lt's omozing thot I om with this
Heidi. She seems receplive to you ond wouldn'l be reveoling so
guy who understonds thoi."
much obout herself unless she felt comfortoble with you.
RON: lwont to point out thot in fie previous conversotion Heidi DAVID: Humor is port of the bonding process. When Heidi tells me thot she likes to observe people, I soy, 'Are you observing me?"
is
tolking more then Dovid. Dovid is shufting up long enough to listen I
to whot she's soying. He's lhen toking his time to conslruct o
olso soid, "Moybe if we get to know eoch other beiler o time will
response thot is either o bonding visuolizolion or o question thol
come when you will wont to shore some poetry with me." I didn't
pulls the conversolion into o more intimote spoce.
push her reol hord lo show me her poetry; I iust wonted to bring
up the lopic of going out with me in o fun, holFioking woy.
Eorlier in this book we tolked obout the power of describing romonlic scenes ond situotions to women. We told you thot whot
It
One thing to notice is thot Ron ond I use o lot of "you" stoiements.
you describe lo o womon is whot she will feel. When you describe
ln the most evocotive visuqlizotions, lhe person tolking does his
romontic scenes o womon hos to go inside herself ond experience
best to include the listener in the sifuotion he is describing. For
those feelings.
exomple, 'You see yourself wolking down the sloirs"; 'You see lhe
feelings is io osk o womon Romontic Questions. When o womon
things oround you";'You feel this." All of these exomples use
onswers Romontic Questions ond describes o romontic situqtion to
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KATIE: Well, octuolly, I gol it when lwos troveling. I wos bockpocking
you osk o womon obout her dreom vocolion ond she describes ii
through Bonglodesh ond there wos someone selling iewelry ond
lo you, she will hove lo go into her imoginotion ond experience il.
this ring is octuolly q Celtic symbol. lt looked reolly cool so
Whether you describe romonlic scenes to o womon or you osk
bought it.
I
Romontic Questions thot invoke o romontic response from o
womon the result is the some: she experiences romontic feelings.
RON: Bonglodesh, whot were you doing in Bonglodesh? DAVID: I wont to point od thot Ron effectively used the question
Let's
go bock ore reod more of the conversotion.
'lVho/s the story behind fiot?" to open up lhe conversotion with Kotie ond then proceeded into Deepening Questions. This shows
DAVID: I would like to know more oboul you. Moybe I could reod
how'lVhot's the story behlnd thot?" con noturolly leod into
some of your writing somelime. Whot would it be like if we got
Deepening Conversolions ond
together for o cup of coffee sometime ond lust tolked more obout
wonl you to keep on eye on how oll the conversolionol modes
writing ond got lo know eoch other o little better?
you're leorning in this book oll fit together.
H EID
I
:
Thot would be greot. l'd reolly enioy thot.
fien Romontic Conversotions. We
RON: Whqt mode you decide to go to Bonglodesh? Whot did you do
DAVID: I tellyou whot, give me your emoiloddress or phone number ond we con set thot up.
there?
KATIE: I iust wonted to visit o ploce for owoy in o totolly different culture. I wonted to go on o chollenging iourney thot wos different
HEIDI: Sure, thot sounds greot.
from my normol life.
RON: Wow, thot is reolly brove, Kolie.
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KATIE: lt wos reolly
fr.rn
ond exciting. lt wos one of the most intense
trips of my life.
RON: Hi Kotie, greot to see you.
RON: I don't get lo meet women ve4y often who hove token on life ot
KATIE: You loo, how ore you?
thot kind of level. l/s reolly cool thot you went there. How long
RON: l'm doing greot todoy. Your ring coughl my otlention. lt looks
were you in Bonglodesh?
reolly interesting, whofs the story behind it? KATIE: I woc lhere for obout three months.
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RON: Wow, three months in Bonglodesh? Thot's o long lime. You olso soid thot you hove o Celtic ring?
your heort the most.
KATIE: lt's o Celtic symbol of on eternol knot.
RON: An eternol knot?
Let me see thot
RON: I would be interested lo know whot port of your trip touched
KATIE: The woy people were welcoming to me ond let me into their
for o second. [He reoches over
ond touches the ring] This is o cool ring. Where else do you like to
homes. lt is not something thot you see every doy. My fovorite port
of the trip wos meeting new people. I mode o lot of speciol connections.
trovel?
DAVID:
Let/s iump
in for o second. When you're tolking to o womon
it's helpful to be on the lookout for openings lo louch her hond or
her iewelry. Touching o womon in non-inlrusive woys is greot in building up to osking for o dqte. Ron seizes the opportunity to moke things more physicol with Kotie by touching her ring.
RON: I mentioned thot I thought Kolie wos brove for going to Bonglodesh. This compliment wos q woy to volidote her life.
Another exomple of volidoting her is when I soid I don't get to meet mony women who hove lived like thot. An importont ospect
of Deepening is osking questions to find out whot o womon volues. From there,
fie nexl slep
is odmiring whot she volues qnd
feeding it bock to her.
RON: Did you hove ony experiences thot kind of iust sticks in your heort? Do you recoll experiences thqt ore postcord moments thot you'll remember for the rest of your life? l'd be curious lo know if you hod experiences ond moments like thot. DAVID:
Lefls iump in.
Whot's interesting lo me in this conversotion
is
thot Ron is toking this seemingly mundone conversotion thot hos nothing romontic in it ond progressively toking it to deeper levels
of ropport building. Ron ond Kotie hqve o connection building. She is storting lo lrust him, ond he is listening ond feeding bock the positive things she is soying. By listening ond feeding bock
whot he heors, Ron is showing his interest in Kotie.
RON: Kotie storted osking me questions. But opening conversotions with women ore more obout how you moke them feel, not obout
KATIE: Do you like to trovel?
your showing off, so I tried to ovoid tolking obout myself ond
RON: Yes ldo, olthough lrorelygo plocesos unusuolos Bonglodesh. l/s omozing when you trovel, you get to see new things ond expe-
insteod focused on feeding bock to Kotie
$e positive feelings of
troveling.
rience q new culture. When you lrovel you get to let different ports
of yourself come out. Do you know whot I meqn? KATIE: Yes, tho/s one of the moin reosons I love to see new ploces.
Next, I osked odditionol Deepening Questions to get her tolking more obout troveling. I osked Kotie, 'lVhen you ore troveling,
whot touches your heort the most?" Then I osked her, 'lVhot ore the port cord moments thot you will remember the most of your
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life?" These ore Deepening Queslions you might wonl to use when
don't olwoys tolk obout upbeot subiects so you need to leorn how
you tolk to women.
to furn negotive lopics into positive ones.
KATIE: Well, it's not something I core to think obout often, but there wos o reolly bod slorm ond there wos o mudslide thot we somehow escoped. Thot port of the trip sticks out in my mind.
RON: Wos ihere o good port to thot crisis? Like feeling thot you hove o deeper oppreciotion for life? Whot wos the most positive thing you wolked owoy from thot experience feeling?
DAVID:
Lel's iump
in ogoin. We've seen conversotions move into neg-
You con hondle negolive lopics by osking ony of the following questions:
'aVhot wos the best port of it?"
'lVos there o positive port in oll of it?" "Whot did you leorn from lhol experience?" "How hos thol experience chonged you?"
otive directions before. We told you thot il's imporlont to redirect conversolions inlo more positive topics. When Kotie mentioned she
wos stuck in o mudslide lhe conversotion could hove become
$e some time I felt proud of myself for surviving such o scory
depressing ond unpleosont. Ron wos oble to gently move the con-
experience ond chollenging myself. I reolly like pushing myself
versolion to o different topic ond keep focused on building his
ond putling myself out $ere. l'm glod I hod such on intense expe-
ropport with Kotie.
rience in Bonglodesh.
RON: I noticed thot Kotie wos running the horrible scene of borely
RON: I con see in tolking with you thotyou reolly push yourself ond
fie edge.
escoping o mudslide in through mind. I didn't wont her to feel the
live life on
bod feelings ossocioted with thot experience, so I took the conver-
the foce of uncertointy. I reolly odmire how you live life fully.
sotion in q different direction. I wosn'l sure whol to soy to her, but I come bock with,
'!Vos lhere o good porl to thot crisis?" I knew I
hod to move quickly ond come up with something to guide the conversotion onto o different topic.
lt seems like you're someone who is strong in
RON: One thing I noticed in tolking to Kotie is thot she pushes herself lo try new things ond is reolly courogeous qnd odventurous. ln Deepening I om looking for whot she is possionote obout ond
whot she volues, so I wonted lo let her know thot I see her os o
DAVID: lf you hod let Kotie keep tolking obout the mudslide it could hove become o depressing. She might hove soid, "Kids died in
thot mudslide..." So il's greot thot Ron interrupted her. Women
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KATIE: Surviving the mudrlide mode me oppreciote life o lot more. At
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RON: I know exoctly how it feels to reolly push yourself ond reolly go
Here's o good phrose to use when osking o womqn for her num-
ofbr whot you wont. Like when you meet someone you con con-
ber: "h/s been nice tolking to you, perhops we con get together
nect with or you feel like they open their heort to you in o certoin
sometime ond tolk obout this some more." You don't need ony-
woy. There is something reolly speciol obout being open like thot.
donl think we get enough of those moments in our lives.
I
thing foncy or speciol. You don't need o perfect line, you iust need to open your mouth ond qsk her out. After you hove her phone number or emoil oddress you con set up the coffee dote.
KATIE: Being in Bonglodesh ond hoving people be so kind to me mode me wont to be more open to people in my everydoy life.
I
try to be friendly when I om out oi the grocery store doing little
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tosks ond erronds thot seem mundone.
RON: lt's been greot to meet you, but I need to run in o second. Moybe we could get together for o cup of coffee sometime ond tolk some more.
Le/s recop whol we've leorned in this chopter:
Conversqlions
with women somelimes foil.
Deepening
Conversqtions don't olwoys go well. There is no mogicol formulo to hove
Kolie: Sure, thot would be greot. Moybe you could tell me obout your trovel experiences.
the conversotion goes well ond sometimes you flot on your foce.
RON: Whd is your phone number ond emoil oddress? lt would be greot to go out sometime this week.
When bod-luck seducer Bob hos Deepening Conversotions thot go poorly, he's shocked. "l did whot Louis & Copelond soid in thot domn
KATIE: Here, l'll write down my number ond emoil.
RON: When Kotie mentioned thot she tries to be friendly when
book ond the one womon I tolked to didnt wont to moke out with me. she's
out shopping ond running erronds, I thought thot wos o good segue trc osking her out. I wonted lo end the conversqtion on o
high point. I thought thot if she wosn't willing lo go out with me ofter tolking for so long it wos unlikely thot she'd give me her
Those guys ore ierks. I wonl my money bockl" Bob foils to reolize thot mosl conversotions with women will not leod to getting o phone number, let olone sex. Bob's so focused on finding o mogicol solution to getting
women trc dote him thot he forgets thot tolking to women is
o numbers
gome, ond work. lnsteod of tclking to severol women until one is interested in tolking lo him, Bob would rother blome everyone else ond comploin.
number if we tolked ony longer.
!t
successful conversotions wilh women 100 percent of the time. Sometimes
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The trick in rolking lo women is to be persistent. When one
Assume ropporl.
conversotion goes poorly, move on ond tolk to onother womon. When
womon you should ossume she is enioying tolking to you ond being with
o conversotion goes poorly, iust cholk it up to experience. lf you ore per-
you. When o solesmon ossumes ropport. he ossumes thot his prospec-
sistent ond tqlk to dozens of women, you'll eventuolly hove successful
tive customer likes him, is interested in whot he's selling, hos similor vol-
o few successful Deepening
ues ond trusts him. h's cruciol to ossume the best when you're with o
Deepening Conversotions. Afiter Conversotions you'll get
o
phone number ond things will keep pro-
By this we meon thqt when you're tolking to o
womon.
gressing from there. lf you ore willing to do the work ond be potient, Bob ossumes thol every womon he tolks to will hote him ond thot every
success is inevitoble.
interoction will go poorly. When he tolks to women ond osks Deepening
lnclude yourself when describing scenes. ln Deepening you
Questions his certointy thot the interoclion will go poorly comes ocross
ore creoting romontic imoges through descriptions of romontic
in his fone of voice ond his presence. Becouse Bob is so cerloin his con-
scenes.
ln Advonced Deepening you ore describing scenes where you ond your
versotions will go poorly, he comes qcross os ongry ond meqn.
conversolionol portner ore together in the scene. You con teoch yourself to ossume ropport by reminding yourself thot For inslonce, insteod of describing o greot concerl, describe o sifuotion
women ore interested in tolking lo you ond find you otlroclive. You con
where you ond she ore ot o concert together hoving o wonderful time.
tell yourself thot the interoclion is going well. When you ossume women
When you describe romontic scenes with the two of you, o womon will
like you, you will not only feel more confident ond more reloxed, you
hqve to go inside ond imogine thot picture of the two of you together. By
will olso be more romontic, eosygoing ond likeoble. Assuming ropport
describing scenes to o womon you increose your chonces of getling her
is cruciol in tolking to women.
number. You'll olso improve your chonces
of hoving her see you os o
Ask open-ended questions.
romontic possibility.
We've menlioned the importonce of
osking open-ended questions before. You need to cosl the widest net
io women. The gool is to creole o spoce for
We reolize thot including yourself when describing scenes to women con
possible when tolking
be confusing. l/s o new skill thot you need lo procfice. Try writing out
women to feel comfortoble ond reloxed tolking to you. Bob is o moster
polentiol conversolions ond proctice osking questions out loud ot home.
of osking questions so thot women feel tropped. Here's on exomple of
The more proctice you hove the eosier it
will be to include yourself
in
Bob's ottempl ot Deepening:
scenes when you hove o womon in front of you.
BOB: Hi, did you see the new John Trovolto movie?
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WOMAN: No, I hoven't. Did you?
lions you're curious obout. Hove o good time.
BOB: So you didn't see thot movie? Why not? ls it becouse you don'l
Tolking lo women should not be on ordeql. When
like movies or is it becouse you don't like John Trovoltq?
Bob tolks to
women he's constonlly preoccupied with osking the perfect queslion. He
WOMAN: Oh, I iust hoven't seen o movie in few months. l've been working o lot. Did you see the movie?
is so cought up with his own thoughts ond concerns thot tolking to o womon is o stressful, horrible offoir. Bob is too ofroid
BOB: Oh, so you must reolly hote your iob since you hove to work so much. I hote iobs where they force you to work overlime ond don't
poy you.
trc
toke ony risks
ond so he folls deeper into o feor spirol. He is too ofroid to shore onything obout himself, mention onything he considers funny or osk ony quesiions thot ore romontic. His feor creoles o situotion thot is unpleos-
ont for both himself qnd the womon.
WOMAN: Oh, I must go now. Bye. Here ore some surefire woys to nof hove fun when you're wilh o womon: Bob osks closed ("yes-or-no") questions thot hove on occusotory feel to them rother thon open-ended questions lhot encouroge o womon to tolk.
Bob not only osks yes-or-no queslions, he orgues with the womon's response rother thon encouroging her to tqlk. Don't box women into
onswering yes-or-no questions or questions thot limit their options. Ask open-ended questions so thot lorger conversotions con develop.
Fun, fun, fun. Whot's more romonlic to o womon/ o mon who
is
hoving fun? The onswer is cleor: men who ore oble to enioy themselves
ore much more otlroctive thon guys who ore uptight ond worried.
Women's bullshit detectors ore much more ottuned lhon ore men's. Women know when you're nol interested in tolking to them, when you're neryous ond when you're not hoving fun. So we strongly recommend you find fun woys lo moke conversotions with women fun. Bring up topics thot ore enioyoble for you. Mention things you find funny. Ask ques-
uillul
Asking questions thot you don'l core onything obout Never shoring onything obout yourself
Not toking ony romontic risks
stressed, neryous ond uptight or someone who is reloxed, ployful ond
il
Trying to be perfect
lrutqils!!1llm{ry1il1
Worqying lhot you're doing evefihing wrong Never smiling Solely focusing on getting into her ponts
Never crocking iokes
Worrying thot evefihing you soy will offend her Solely focusing on hoving her not think you're lrying to get
into har ponts
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be more reloxed ond more fun to be oround. Fun ottrocts more fun; feor
Don't push too hqrd. You do not need to push women inlo sexuol or romontic tolk. The purpose of Deepening is often iust to bond.
tends to creole more feqr.
Without the foundotion of bonding there is no hope of turning things
lf you ore oble to let go, hove fun ond loke some risks with women,
you'll
sexuol. lf you skip this eorly work you'll foil miserobly loter on. The gool
Don'l be o strqngea
When tolking to women be on the lookout for
of Deepening is trc creole o bond, develop ropport ond loy the ground-
detoils she's shoring with you she wouldn't normolly shore with o
work for osking for o number. Sometimes the conversotion turns romon-
stronger. These ore detoils you wonl to ocknowledge.
tic; other times ifs much lighter. ln either cose $e gool is to move from being o stronger to creoting enough of o connection to toke the next step.
Deepening Conversotions ore oll oboul creoting
o connection with
o
womon thot mokes her feel thot you see some$ing in her to which most
Some women qre weird, wocky ond sftqnge. We
people ore not privy. When you ore oble to see things in her thot most
encounter women who soy unusuol things. lf she's worth pursuing, slop
men don't see, intimocy is creoted. When you stort creoting emotionol
focusing on the unusuol ospecls of her personolity. Once you ore in o
connections, she'll wont to connect more deeply with you.
relotionship, you need lo ignore the ospects of o womon's personolity
oll
thot bother you. lfs colled coping with the horsh reolity.
Admire her.
You wont
to be the kind of guy who ocknowledges
women. Everyone feels good when they're ocknowledged. When you
The importonce of
odmire o womon for her strengths or loke notice of whot is speciol io her
ing ond visuqlizotions strive to put
ond whot is speciol oboul her, she'll feel closer to you.
word "you." lfs very useful to describe things from e "you" point of view,
"yott" stqlemenls. fte
The most evocotive writ-
lislener in lhe scene by using the
ie, 'Yeo, I think i/s so greqt when you ore hoving o perfect doy, ond you
Ask obout greot momenls in her life. ln Deepening you ore
con iust breothe in ond reolly feel good obout whot you've occom-
focusing on o womon's life ond looking for speciol moments to ocknowl-
plished."
edge. You ore looking for times in her life when she felt best, moments she's mosl proud of, her occomplishments ond her possions. Ask women
Tolking to women is oll obout getting them to feel things, visuolize things
obout greot moments in their post ond greol momenls in their current
ond imogine things. Thot's why using fie "you" perspeclive in your
life. Two greot questions to use ore 'lVhot ore you mosl possionole
speoking is so importont. Toking on o "you" perspective might toke some
oboul?" ond 'Whot ore the postcord moments thot you will remember
proclice, but il's worth it. Do you understond?
for the rest of yovr li[e?"
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Women mighr turn the tobles on you.
Eventuolly o womon will
turn he tobles on you ond stort osking queslions oboul your life ond possions.
We recommend you reply with romontic ond
open-ended
responses. You need to reveol detrcils oboul yourself, but you con do so in
q wqy
fiot
Bob con't contoin his thoughts enough to creole
o bond with
women.
You need to shut up long enough for them to respond. A good rule of thumb is they should tolk Z0 percent of the time, you should tolk 30 percenl of the time.
is not brogging or time-consuming or boring for the womon.
Tolking to women is like fishing. lf the first question you osk o womon
When o womon osks Bob whot he's possionote obout in his life he begins tolking
b
doesn't elicit
o
iuicy response, move on lo onother question.
ln
her obout his new flot-ponel compuler screen, the greot
Deepening you ore fishing by osking queslions ond finding out whot
screen resolution it hos, ond how the competitoy's version sucks. Bob goes
she's possionote obout. Once you gei o strong response from he4 osk
off on
o IO-minute longent on o topic lhe womon
could core less obout.
more queslions ond feed bock more situotions to her. Just like with fish-
ing, you're potiently woiting for o bite. Once you gel one, you quickly Bod move. Jusl give o short response oboul yourself ond then osk oddi-
go for it ond get her tolking obod whot she's possionote oboul.
tionol Deepening Questions ond refocus the conversotion on her.
Deepening Conversqlions ccrn leqd to fouching ond more.
Shul up qnd listen.
When you're conducting Deepening
When you con touch o womon os port of o Deepening Conversotion you
Conversolions it's cruciol thot she tolks more thon you do. When you're
ore helping escolote the seduction. Mosl men woit until the end of o dote
hoving o Deepening Conversotion, shut your pie hole while she onswers
before doing onything physicol. During Deepening Conversolions, how-
your question. Don't interrupl o womon when she's tolking. lnsteod, lis-
ever, lhere ore often openings for touch. When osking o womon obout
o response thot is either o visuolizotion
her ring, for exomple, you could touch her hond. When sitting next to o
ten ond trrke time to construct
bosed on whot she's iust told you or o question thoi evokes more infor-
womon, you could "occidentolly'' brush ogoinst her orm.
motion from her. When you touch o womon, do so gently ond os unobtrusively os possi-
When Bob conducts Deepening Conversotions, he never shuts up. He
ble. lf o womon reocls negotively, thot is o sign to slow the seduction
inlerrupts lhe womon when she's tolking obout her fovorite vocolion ond
down. lf o womon seems open to fouching, ifls o sign to go for fie next
brogs obout his Aloskon cruise. Bob constontly interrupls women when
level of touching or kissing.
fiey're telling him key informotion. Rother thon listen, Bob enioys offerobout the besl ports of her iob, he lectured her on why she should quit
When the conversotion goes downhill. Severol times during this chopter we mentioned how importont it is to ovoid tolking obout
her iob ond find o higher-poying profession.
depresing topics. When o womon slorls tolking obout bod experiences
ing his opinions on whot o womon is telling him. When Jennifer told him
t
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or depressing lopics, your iob is to redirect the conversotion to o different topic. Here qre o few phroses you con use:
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'lVhot wos the best port of it?"
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'lVos there o good port to lhol crisis?"
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I
"Did you hove o deeper oppreciotion for life?" We've tolked obout the importonce of interrupting ond initioling, ihe Hi
'lVhot wos fie mosf positive thing you wolked owoy from thot expe-
Progrom, the Goodbye lntroduction, 'lVhot's the siory behind lhol?",
rience feeling?"
Situotionol Flirting, ond Deepening. Procticing eoch of these conversotionol tools will give you the power you need to initiote with women, lo
interrupt $em on deeper ond deeper levels, ond
to redirect
their
c0ncu$l01l
thoughts-ond possibly their romonlic ottention-to you.
Hopefully, you ore slorling to get o feel for how oll of this con fit togeth-
Now you're reody to odd onother skill to the mix: osking Romontic
er. You initiote with women by soying hi, using the goodbye introduc-
Questions. Romontic Questions build on the tools you olreody hove to
lion, or though ony olher sociol meons thot gets you tolking to onother
toke your conversotions wilh women to on even deeper ond more seduc-
humon being. From there you toke some deeper risks, doing the flirting
tive level.
moves lo get yourself out of the "friends" zone, osking
'Whofs the story
behind thoi?", using situotionol flirting, ond, now, odding in Deepening
Before we cqn get into osking Romontic Questions, though, it's impor-
conversolions.
tont for you to review the power of description, becouse description
is
the key thot mokes Romontic Questions work.
Now we'll move on to the next step in tolking to women: Asking Romqntic Questions.
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There is o fundomentol concept thot underlies everylhing romonlic thol
you soy lo o womon. lt is on ideo qbout the woy people's broins work,
ond it ir vory simple: when you describe something to somebody, she
t
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must go inside ond imogine it or experience it so she con underslond
lf you don't believe thot describing on experience con influence feelings,
whot you ore tolking obout.
look ot it from the other side: no one would disogree thot describing dis-
gusting things hos on effect on someone's inlernol emolionol slote. You The clossic exomple of this phenomenon involves describing on ele-
don't wont your dinner componion to describe creepy, slimy worms
phont. lt is huge, it hos big white tusks, groy skin, o long trunk ond big
while you're eoting spoghetti becouse you'd noturolly imogine worms
floppy eors. ln order to understond this description, you hod to imogine
qnd feel revolted by the plote of spoghetti in front of you. This mirrors
whot we were describing, ot leost to some extent. Even if you wonted to
the bosic principle of seductive conversolion.
resist us ond decided thot, no motler whot, you were nol going lo imog-
ine on elephont, you'd still hove
lo imogine one to know whot you
DAVID: Just lost night I wos doing some lnternet flirting. lwos osking
shouldn't imogine. This is o bosic principle of how the mind works: if you
o womon oboul romonlic experiences she hqd hod ond out of the
describe something to someone, ihey outomoticolly imogine it.
blue she storted into this tirode obout obortion ond how bod
obortion is ond how she is totolly ogoinst it. Now one thing
I
This little quirk in the humon mind reolly works in your fovor when you
could hove done wos fight with her qbout it, bul olreody she wos
tolk to women becouse it doesn't only work if you describe things like
imoging oll this horrible stuff obout obortion in her heod ond feel-
elephonts. lt olso works if you describe experiences like love, romonce,
ing her feelings obout it. Fighting would only hove mode il worse.
seduction ond orousol. lf we were
to describe on experience lo you,
I could olso hove osked her not to think obout it, but she still
you'd hove to imogine hoving thot experience, ot leosl to some smoll
would hove hod to imogine whot she shouldn't be thinking obout,
extenl, simply to understond whot we were tolking obout. (The extent to
so it might hove mode those horrible pictures she wos imogining
which you hod thot experience would depend on how well we described
even more vivid.
it.) lt/s on involuntory reoction, ond eveqyone hos it. So I let her soy whot she hod to soy ond then I come bock with
tqlk more obout doting. Le/s ilrlk more obout romonlic experi-
This is your occess into the emotionol being of o \ /omon. lf you ore tolk-
"L,el's
ing to o womon ond describing romontic experiences, erotic experi-
ences. Le/s tolk obout how the heort opens up with someone who
ences or emotionol experiences, she is going to hove to go into her mind
you reolly bel connected fic." Those were the kind of experiences
ond experience those experiences iust to trock with the conversotion. When o womon hos those feelings while she is looking ol you then you
wonfed us to be trclking obout so she would be hoving lhose romon-
ore hoving o romontic interoclion.
her think obout obortion ond connecting thot to me. And it worked;
tic experiences inside ond connect them to me, rother thon hwing
she got off her obortion tirode ond we hod o greot romontic tolk.
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You hove probobly been in on experience with o womon when it seemed
whofls most importont. lf you moke o womon feel excited, turned on ond
like everything iust went sour. You were getting olong greot, then sud-
opprecioted, she's going to be o lot more likely to go for you.
denly there wos o problem ond you couldn't seem to fix it no motter whot
you did. lf you were to look ot o lronscript of thot conversotion, you'd
ln the next few chopters you will leorn the specific flirting skills necessory
probobly find thot the conversotion took o turn into something like rope,
to turn onything thol o womon soys into o Romonlic Conversotion. We
child obuse, obortion or something else thot she found reolly unpleosont.
meon
Her mind become filled with unpleosont pictures while she wos interoct-
into o Romontic Conversotion. The first step is understonding the struc-
ing with you ond before you knew it, the romontic vibe wos gone.
ture of Romontic Questions.
it*if
she tells you she's on occounfont, you'll be oble to turn lhot
You might even hove coused the problem. Perhops you tolked obout things you didn't even reolize you were tolking obouf perhops you tolked obout porn or wor or something else thot, when she imogined it, reolly turned her off. Sometimes it con be o lot subtler thon you reolize.
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A properly osked Romonlic Question hos three components:
With women, you reolly don't know whot is going to hoppen; you hove to sloy owoke, be presenl ond poy ottention to the conversotionol topics
o
The excuse
thot turn her on ond the things thot turn her off. The description
We will get into the specifics of using romonlic descriptions with women,
The question
but here's the bottom line obout how we use them: through tolking, ques-
iioning ond listening, we look for things thol women ore possionote
Let's look ot eoch port.
obod ond volue. We then either get women to describe the feelings of those possions ond volues lo us or we describe them to the women. They
THE EXCUSE. When you osk o womon q Romontic Question, you need
qre then oble to experience ond dwell on those feelings while being with
to slorl with on excuse. The excuse onswers the question the womon will
us. This creotes o very reol ond romonlic connection.
be osking herself obout your question, which is '!Vhy is he osking me this?" lf you con onswer thot question right owoy with your excuse, il will
Success with women isn't totolly obout whot you look like, whot you do
or how much money you moke, even though those things ore obviously foctors. Success with women is qbout how you moke women feel*thot's
tl
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Most of the fime, women you don't know well ore going to osk them-
THE DESCRIPTION. This port of o Romontic Question helps guide the
selves some combinotion of their sofety questions when you first interrupt
womon to the kind of onswer you ore looking for. lt olso describes the
them or when you toke the conversotion inlo deeper, riskier territory.
kind of feelings you wont her to imogine hoving while she is onswering
Remember, these questions ore
long will it toke?" ond
'lVhy
'tVhot is he going to do to me?," "How
the question.
is he soying this to me?"
Lefs odd
o descriplion lo our
test question: "l'ye been lolking
to my
When you osk o Romontic Question, the excuse onswers the question
friends obout this ond sort of toking on informol survey. lt seems like
'Why is he soying this trc me?" lt gives her o context for whot you're osk-
sometimes you meet someone ond lhere's iust
ing, which helps o womqn relox into the interoction.
you know whot I meon? Like, 'Oh, i/s you,' even though you've never
on immediote click, do
met before. So l've been wondering, do you think people con foll in love
A Romontic Question stonding on its own con seem invosive ond scory
ot first sight?"
but when you odd on excuse ond description, olmost ony question con The description we odded to this Romontic Question suggests the feeling
become polotoble.
you wont your conversotionol portner to feel ond olso guides her toword
try this out on one of the tockiest questions you cqn osk o womon:
the kind of onswer you ore looking for. Agoin, i/s worth noting thot even
"Do you believe in love ot first sight?" You'll probobly ogree with us thot
o tocky question con slort seeming downright interesting when you odd
Lefls
most women would think of this os o hockneyed line, which see
il is. But let's
on excuse ond description to it.
whol hoppens when we odd on excuse to il. Which question do you
think would moke it eosier for o womon lo relox ond onswer: "Hey, do
THE QUESTION. The question is simply $e Romontic Question itself-
you believe in love ot first sight?" or "l've been tolking to my friends
in our exomple, "Do you think people con foll in love ot first sight?"
obout this ond sort of toking on informol survey. Do you think people
Once ogoin, lefs look ot the Romontic Question in its entirety. Notice
con foll in love ot first sight?"
how much more normol-sounding ond less tocky the question is when the excuse ond description ore in ploce. Then think obout how well this
We qren't recommending such on overused line, but the second version
would work with o question thot hosn't olreody been beoten to deoth in
of this question would be eosier for o womon to onswer. Thol's becouse
every bor in weslern civilizotion:
it hos on excuse ottoched to it. The womon con soy to herself, "Oh, he's osking me this becouse he's been tolking oboui it to his friends. Okoy."
il
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"l've been tolking to my friends obour this ond sort of roking on informol
sion lust builds in you ond you feel it so intensely in your heort. l'd be
survey. h seems like sometimes you meel someone ond lhere's iusl on
curious to know, whot mokes your heort flutter? Whot's on exomple in
immediote click, do you know whot I meon? Like, 'Oh, ifs you,' even
your life of thot?"
though you've never mel before. So l've been wondering, do you think Lefs breok
people con foll in love ot first sight?"
fiot exomple down into the
excuse, the description ond the
question itself:
Romonlic Questions push the conversotion inlo
o
romontic direction.
When you osk o Romontic Question, you ore toking things to o more
TH
intimote level. You need to be respectful of thot foct, by setting up your
be moved to the point where your heort flutters." Thol onswers the ques-
queslions in the most non-invosive woy thot you con. The woy you do
tion 'lVhy is he osking me this?" You were thinking obout it the other
thot is by hoving on excuse ond o description before you osk your
doy, tho/s why you're osking obout it.
E EXC U S E. "l wos thinking the other doy obout how omozing it is to
Romontic Question. THE DESCRIPTION. "lt's like the possion iust builds in you ond you feel
it so intensely in your heorl." You describe whot you wont her to experi-
Le/s look ol some exomples.
ence so she hos to go inside ond experience thot description, ot leost o little bit. This olso guides her into the kind of onswer you're looking for.
rilalllpl$
r THE aUESTION. "l'd be curious to know, whot mokes your heorl fluF
THE ROMANTIC OUESTION: 'lVhot mqkes your heort flufier?"
ter? Whofs on exomple in your life of thot?" Now she knows why you
osked, she's felt the feeling o little bit ond she's more likely to give you You don't iust osk thot question outright becouse it would sound owk-
the kind of emotionol, romoniic onswer you're looking for.
word ond weird. You'd dump her right into her sofety queslions: 'tVhy is he soying this to me? Who/s he going to do to me?" You need lo set up your question with our three-step process.
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Here's lhe full woy of osking il: "l wos thinking the other doy obout how
THE ROMANTIC QUESTION: "Hove you ever met someone ond felt
omozing it is to be moved to the point where your heort flutters. Moybe
like you were meeling them ogoin for the first lime?"
you've seen o piece of ortwork or heord some music ond
n
itt
like the pos-
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Once ogoin, you wouldn't iusl dump this question on someone withoul
TH
preporolion.
them before?" When you put it this woy it doesn't sound like o corny
E OU ESTIO
"Hove you ever met someone ond felt like you've met
pickup line, which it would if you osked it stroight out. Asking in this woy You might soy: "l wos tolking to some friends the other night over din-
gives her the opportunity to shore obout herself ond her experiences of
ner ond we were tolking obout the feeling of when you meet someone
feeling
ond feel like you've known them before. One person wos reolly into the
you while she describes, ond feels, those feelings.
o reol conneclion when first meeting someone-ond to look ot
post-life thing, ond I wosn'f sure whot to think obout thot. l've certoinly hod those experiences where you meel someone ond you look ot them ond you feel like you've known them before. lt's like you're meeting them
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ogoin, rother thon for the first time. Do you know whot I meon? So, l'd be curious to know, if you'd be willing to shore obout it, hove you ever
THE ROMANTIC QUESTION: 'lVhotwos it like the first time you hod
mel someone ond felt like you've met them before?"
o crush on someone?"
Le/s breok it oport:
This question osked by itself sounds ridiculous.
THE EXCUSE. "lwqs tolking to some friends the o$er night over din-
But let's odd on excuse ond description ond see how it sounds: "l wos
ner ond we were tolking obout the feeling of when you meel someone
tolking to o buddy from high school who I hodn't seen in o long time.
ond feel like you've known them before." You were tolking obout it with
We were looking bock on high school ond tolking obout first loves ond
friends the other night, so lhere's o reoson it's on your mind.
crushes ond how fun ond exciting it wos. lt wos this new, tender ond
exciting feeling of being so excited ond turned on ond reolly into some-
THE DESCRIPTION. "One person wos reolly into the post-life thing,
one, you know? I wonder if you con recoll the first time you reolized you
ond I wosn't sure whot to think obout thol. l've certoinly hod those expe-
hod o crush on someone. Whot wos thot like for you?"
riences where you meet someone ond you look ot them ond you feel like
you've known them before. l/s like you're meeling $em ogoin, rother thon for the first lime." This description is greot becouse it runs
Let's breok it down to
fie
three ports:
o little
visuolizotion on her ond reolly points o word picture of the kind of feel-
THE EXCUSE. "lwos tolking to o buddy from high schoolwho I hodn't
ing you wont her to experience os she looks ot you. lt will olso guide her
seen in o long time. We were looking bock on high school ond tolking
in selecting the kind of onswer you're looking for.
obout first loves ond crushes ond how fun ond exciting it wos."
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THE DESCRIPTION. "lt wos this new tender ond exciting heling of
THE DESCRIPTION. "l've never been there. lr looked so greot. The
being so excited ond turned on ond reolly into someone, you know?"
cleor woter, being oble lo see fie fish under the woter in o gloss-bottom
boot or going snorkeling ond hoving on incredible vocolion. lt got me THE QUESTION. "l wonder if you con recoll the first time you reolized
thinking ond osking people obout iheir ideol vocolion."
you hod o crush on someone. Whot wos thot like for you?"
THE QUESTION. "So l'd be curious to know, if you'd be willing to shore, who/s your ideol vocotion? lt con be one you've been on or moybe one you'd like to go on. l'd iust be curious to know."
ffialnpl$ 4 THE ROMANTIC OUESTION: 'tVhot's
o
speciol ploce you enioy
going to for vocolion thot mqkes you feel reolly good ond reolly olive?"
ffialllpl0
Obviously, you would not wonl to iust throw thot ot o womqn.
THE ROMANTIC OUESTION: 'Who/s your fovorite moment in o
5
kiss?"
You might soy: "l wos wqlching
W
the other night ond I sow on od for
troveling to Jomqico. And I thought, 'Gosh, thot sounds like o reolly greot
lime.' l've never been there. lt looked so greot. The cleor woter, being
osked o womon whot her fqvorite moment is in
o
kiss flot out
you'd come ocross os o reol freok-boy.
oble to see the fish under the woler in o gloss-bottom boot or going snorkeling ond hoving on incredible vocotion. lt got me thinking ond osking
Try this insteod: "lwos tolking to my friend Tonyo the other doy ond we
people obout their ideol vocotion. So l'd be curious to know, if you'd be
were tolking obout kissing. We were tolking obout the mogic of kissing
willing to shore, whot's your ideol vocqtion? lt con be one you've been
ond the mogicol moments thot occur during o kiss. There is o moment
on or moybe one you'd like to go on. l'd iust be curious to know."
when you close your eyes. There's the moment when your lips first touch. There is o moment when your longues first entwine. lt's oll so omozing.
Let's breok it down:
l'd be curious lo know, whol's your fovorite moment in o kiss?"
THE EXCUSE. "lwos wotching TV the other night ond I sow on od for
This is obviously o more intense question thon the o$ers. You ore bring-
troveling lo Jomoico. And I thought, 'Gosh, thqt sounds like
o
reolly
directly to sex.
greot lime."'
r
ing up something very inlimote ond describing something thot con leod
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But this is
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o good thing. lf you've been doing the other flirting moves,
she's olreody thinking of you os
o
possible romontic portner, ond it's
I
Mosl guys ore nol porticulorly into romontic movies, but i/s good to osk o womon obout them becouse her onswer to
fiis question con tell you o
oppropriote to heot things up o bit. This is o greot woy lo do thot. At the
lot obout how she likes to be seduced. lt'll provide informotion you will
right moment, this question could reolly work for you. You might odd in
find useful on doles with her. lt'll olso get her describing ond feeling
o whisper or get closer to her eor. lt might turn inlo o very sensuol
some of her fqvorite romonlic feelings, while looking ot you.
momenl. This might even turn into o kiss. So here's whot you might osk: "l om usuolly into oction films myself, but Here ore the three ports:
lotely l've been looking ol some more romontic films. Somelimes I see movies thot hove such
o romontic feel to them.
They hove such sweet,
THE EXCUSE. "lwos tolking to my friend Tonyo the other doy ond we
strong romontic moments in
were tolking obout kissing. We were tolking obout the mogic of kissing
folling deeply in love, like
qnd the mogicol moments thot occur during o kiss."
moment. l'd be curious lo know, if you'd be willing to shore, if you were
them-o couple
is being swept off their feet,
o Cory GronFAudrey
Hepburn sort of
going to recommend o romonlic film to me, whot would il be?" THE DESCRIPTION. 'There is o moment when you close your eyes. There's lhe moment when your lips first touch. There is
o momenl when
The three ports:
your tongues first entwine. lt's oll so omozing." THE EXCUSE. "l om usuolly into oction films myself, but lotely l've been TH
E OU ESTION. "l'd be curious to know, whot's your fovorite moment
looking ot some more romontic films."
in o kiss?" THE DESCRIPTION. "somelimes lsee movies thot hove such o romon-
tic feel to them. They hove such sweet, strong romonlic moments in
them-o couple
HIflMPM $
is being swept off their feet, folling deeply in love, like
o Cory Gront-Audrey Hepburn sort of moment."
THE ROMANTIC QUESTION: 'lVhot ore some of your fovorite romontic movies?"
THE QUESTION. "l'd be curious to know, if you'd bewilling to shore, if you were going to recommend o romontic film to me, whot would it be?"
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THE ROMANTIC OUESTION: 'lVhot wos your first kiss like?"
Here ore some of Put it this
quBsbi0n$, paru I
woy: "l've been osking my friends this question lotely ond it
$e
most common questions men hove
obod using
Romontic Questions.
reolly seems lo generole some pretty interesting conversolions. Everybody hos
o
first-kiss story-thot feeling
of doing something
so
QUESTION: How intimote should the questions be?
romontic for the first time con reolly be so incredibly moving. So l'm wondering, if you would core io shore, whot v/os your first kiss like?"
ANSWER: As you've no doubt noticed, the questions vory in intensity from relotively low-risk questions like 'lVho/s o speciol ploce you enjoy going to for vocotion?" lo relotively high-risk questions like
The three ports of this question:
'lVho/s your fovorite moment in o
kiss?" As you leorn to impro-
THE EXCUSE. "l've been osking my friends this question lotely ond it
vise these questions, you'll come up with ones thot ore even milder
reolly seems lo generole some pretty inleresting conversotions."
ond others thot ore even riskier. You decide how intimote o ques-
lion to osk by ossessing two things: how things ore going with the THE DESCRIPTION. "Everybody hos o first-kiss story-thot feeling of
womon ond the level of risk you wont to toke.
doing something so romontic for the firsl time con reolly be so incredi-
Mosl of the time, you'll wont to stort with the lower-risk questions,
bly moving."
ond, os thot goes well, move up to the higher-risk questions. lf you're feeling especiolly bollsy, you con move up to the higher-risk
THE OUESTION. "So l'm wondering, if you would core lo shore, whot
wos your first kiss like?"
queslions foster. lf you osk them with o sense of certointy thot
evefihing
ls this whole Romontic Question sequence storting to moke sense to you?
There's some subtlety to it, but it's not rockel science or broin surgery (or,
is okoy then things
will probobly go fine.
You con tell thot you qre risking too much if you find yourself leov-
ing out the excuse ond description ports of the Romoniic Question.
os one of our students colled it, "rocket surgery''f . You ore not iust hiF
When guys get tense, lhey tend to leove out the excuse ond the
ting on someone. You ore developing o connection with her. You ore cre-
description ond iust go to the question. lf thot hoppens lo you, you
oting o connection bosed on things she cores obout, things she hos pos-
need to slow down, loke some deep breoths ond osk o lower-risk
querlion.
sion obout.
tt
uutr!
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Q:
lalll
trs
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n$milnsie 0u8stil,0s,
Whot should I do if she osks me the Romontic Question bock?
more intense ones. lf she bolks on the less risky ones ond seems uncomfortoble, you know not lo go on to the more intense ques-
A: This hoppens oll the time, ond you should be reody for it. For instonce, if you osk o womon,
'Whol
is your ideo of
tions until you get better resuhs with those less risky questions. ln
o reolly
this woy you con find out her level of interest strep by step without
romqnlic dote?" ond she onswers you ond osks you the some
risking moking things reolly weird for you both by osking some-
question bock, you need to onswer her. Simply describe o dote
thing too inlense out of the blue.
thot sounds reolly romontic lo you. There's no big trick to it; iust tolk obout o situotion thot sounds romontic to you. lf you con use your words to point o picture for the two of you trcgether, fiot's
good. lf your description is similor to her ideo of o romonilc dole,
Q:
How often should I osk Romontic Questions during on
with o womqn? You'll see exomples of how we use Romonlic Questions in the
even better. Obviously, you will wont lo speok from the romoncer porl of yourself when you onswer this question. lf she describes her ideol
this: pepper them in. Romontic Queslions ore not the sole focus of
your discussion. You tolk oboul the weother, lhe news, you do
romonlic dote os on evening by the seoshore, iust her ond her
some of the Flirting Moves, osk her obout her iob ond throw in
lover eoting lobster ond drinking fine wine, you won't wont to respond by telling her thot your ideol romontic dote is on evening
drinking beer ot the demolition derby followed by o night of hot sex with your fovorile Penthouse centerfold. Get into the spirit of
diologs lhot ore coming up in this book, but the short onswer is
Romontic Queslions. lf you pepper them in, it will feel noturol.
Asking loo mony Romontic Quesfions is not the problem most of
$e
thing ond describe something romontic thot she would olso enioy.
our students hove. The first problem most of our students hove
is
not osking Romqntic Questions ot oll. The second problem most of
our students hove is dropping out the excuse ond the description Q: Won't showing my romonlic interesl be emborrossing for us both? It's true thot if you use Romonlic Questions properly she'll know
you're interested in her romonticolly. However, becouse yov're
lost ond certoinly the leost problem our students hove is osking too
mony Romontic Questions.
opprooching the seduction in such o romontic, nonslimy woy, she
Hoving soid thot, it will probobly feel owkword the first few fimes
is very likely to think thot your desire for her is o veqy good thing
you osk one of these questions. As you proctice, you moy leove
rofier thon o creepy thing she needs to get owoy from.
some intreroctions with women feeling os if you osked too mony
Asking Romontic Queslions is olso greot becouse you con slort
with the less risky,
t
ond iust osking $e question port of the Romontic Question. The
less obvious ones ond work your
woy up to the
utltu.irult$t!il*lnlm/ltll
Romontic Questions or worrying thot you overwhelmed her with
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them. Thofls okoy; ifs port of the leorning process. Overdoing it once or twice is involuoble to your leorning how to use Romonlic Queslions. And don't
Q: Should I leorn these questions by heo* or improvise them on the spot?
worry*if won't hurt her if you osk "too
mony'' Romontic Questions. She's mode of tougher stuff thon thot.
At firsl you will wonl to leorn one or two Romontic Questions by heort ond try them oui with women to see whot kind of converso-
Q: How should I get storted with Romontic Questions? Firsl, choose one or two Romontic Questions ond leqrn them by
heort. Remember, thol meons you hove to leorn oll three ports of lhe queslion: the excuse, the description ond the question itself.
tions ond romontic feelings thoi they spork. As you get more experience, you'll find thot i/s noturol to improvise the queslions or ports of the questions. At first you will probobly find
it is most nofurol ic improvise new excuses ond descriptions lo go with the Romontic Queslions you intend to osk. ln time, you'll be
Second, proclice speoking the entire Romontic Question out loud.
oble
When you're olone ol home or in your cor or getting reody to go
womon, you'll be oble
to work in the morning, speok your Romontic Questions. This gets
life. Your curiosity obout her will guide you in spontrrneously creot-
your body used to soying the questions-which is of course whot
ing new Romqntic Questions fiot ore well-suited for her.
trc
improvise the questions lco. As you relox more with o trc
get more curious obout her ond obout her
you ore going to end up doing. When you ore in front of o womon, it does you no good to be greot ot soying the Romontic Question silently in your own mind. You need to be qble to speok lhe question, ond thot is why you proctice it out loud. Third, try it out with o womon. Perhops you meet o womon ot o coffee shop ond you've soid hi, done some of the Flirting Moves
like smiling, holding eye contoct ond winking ot her, oll perhops in the contexl of doing some Situolionol Flirting. Perhops you've osked her 'lVhot's the story behind thot?" obout her neckloce ond thot's generoted some shoring conversotions. Things ore going
well. Then osk your Romontic Question. Moke your excuse, give
c0llcil$nll As we'll see in the next chopter, osking Romontic Questions leods notu-
rolly lo osking her for her phone number ond emoil oddress. Asking Romontic Questions noturolly segues into both of you wonting to hove o dote. Asking Romqnlic Questions noturolly segues into hoving o womon
think of you in romontic lerms. On your dotes, you con osk Romontic Questions to deepen into the feelings of romonce. Romontic Questions
often leod to greot opportunities for the first kiss.
your description ond osk owoy. Voild! You con osk Romonlic Questions before
fie dote, on
the dote ond when-
over you con get them in. You con osk Romontic Questions online, in o
firrt mccting-on;nrhcre, Romontic Questions ore on imporlont port of
il
llllt!
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your seduclion loolbox. The more fomilior you ore with this skill ond the
lo your odvontrrge.
cllil[8l| il
The cool port obout osking Romontic Questions is thot, once ogoin, ifs
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more comforloble you ore with it, the more often you'll be oble to use it
2
not qbout bomboozling, hypnotizing, tricking, or scomming on women. Romontic Queslions ore o woy for you
lo outhenticolly leorn obout o
womon, to get inlo her world ond to moke o reol connection. When you osk
o Romontic Question, you give o womon o gift ond in the
process
find out whot kind of connection con exisl between the two of you.
.
Le/s look ot some reol exomples of Romontic Conversotions with women.
For eoch one of these exomples we'll give you the diolog ond breok in
occosionolly with some ploy by ploy so you con know whot wos going
on in our minds os we were conducting these conversotions.
As you reod these diologs, remember: you ore only getting the text of the conversotions. You oren't getling the unspoken sociql cues thot go olong with lhem, so let's bring you up to speed: during oll of these conversotions we ore smiling ond our voices ore friendly. Sometimes in these diologs we moy soy things thot would seem confrontotionol if they
were soid in on ongry or horsh monner. But they're fine here becouse our monner is light ond ployful. For instonce, ot one point Ron soys lc o womon, "So you con relote lo lhe women who wos morried, yet she wos sleeping with somebody else?" As you'll see in the diolog below, the womon Ron wos tolking to didnt toke whot he sqid the wrong woy. Thot
wos becouse he wos smiling, they were hoving o good time together ond it wqs cleqr to her thot he wos joking with her, not insulting
uilaE H
l[
her.
ilff0 m r0B1 $p0cn1?
ln thir axompla Ron is going lo ixlk to Grri ond osk her the Romonlic Quorlion
t
uruu.Iurtoil!oillsnlll,lill
lilhot
ir it like when you hd very speiol on o dote?" Here it is:
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RON: lwos tolking lo some friends of mine lost night obout this ond
Let's look
ol some more of the conversotion.
we were wondering. Somelimes it seems like o dote is reolly going Do you hove ony questions for me?
greol, there's greot flow ond things seem to reolly be cooking ond you feel incredibly speciol. So I wqs wondering: whot is it like
TERRI: Yes, why ore you here?
when you feelvery speciol on o dote? TERRI: When I om I
fie
Why om I here on eorth?
focus, when I om included in the conversolion.
wos iust on o dote lost week ond it wos wonderful becouse the
TERRI: I meon ot this ploce ot this time.
gentlemon leoned forwqrd on the loble when he wos tolking to me To be with you.
ond I knew there wos inlerest. lt wos very cleor.
RON: Okoy, cool. So you ore the kind of women who likes it when o
Why else would I be here?
TERRI: Bul we iust metl
RON: Well, I believe thot things hoppen for o reqson. Don't you think
guy tokes chorge of the conversotion yet includes you?
thol's true? TERRI: Oh yes, obsolutely.
RON: So you wont him to soy things like'You look beoutiful" or "You know I con'l woil Io," you know, or "l would love to kiss you"?
RON: So I think this wos o good thing thotwe ore meeling ond tolking, ond I think moybe it wos meont to be. So from where I om siF
Thot sort of thing? TERRI: Yes, the otlention ond the openness.
lwonl men who don't
ting, moybe we could tolk ogoin. I would love to coll you ond go iust
queslion me but who ore willing to shore obout themselves too.
Lefs breok in here ond toke o look ol our story so [or. Ron is reolly doing
well wiih Terri. He got the question out ond she is reolly giving him some informotion. As you reod this you should be osking yourself: whot is Terri reveoling obout herself thot might help in the seduclion? Ron hos leorned thot she is reolly turned on by
o guy leoning forword on the
toble, so he puts thot doto point into his mind ond he'll use thot loter. He'll leon forword ond show interest os soon os he con.
I
TERRI: Yes.
rruu,ilruUoilerilmrftilt
out for coffee ond iust hove the fun continue becouse I would hote for this lo be o one-time thing. TERRI: All right, do you wonl my number?
RON:
Yes, would
you like to write it on my hond or write il on my
stomoch?
TERRI: Well, I think you con memorize if you ore reolly poying otten-
tion. ILoughs] I om, bul perhops I should write it down too, iust to be sure.
llllllt h0 Tallt
Ta
Lefls teor
tr0mfiil$is $uGsti0ns" parr ?
l1l|rn8|r
oport the second holf of this interoction. She soys she wonls
ten these flirting diologs to moke them letter-perfect becouse thofs not
guys who will shore obout themselves, so he osks her "Do you hove ony
how life is, ond you shouldn't get the ideo
questions for me?" to show her thot he is open to shoring obout himself.
You'll see thot ifs not necessory for Romontic Conversotions to be per-
fiqt it ever goes perfectly.
fect for flirting ond seduclion lo work. As you proctice you'll hove more
'lVhol ore you doing here?" Very often, when o womon does something like this, i/s qn invitqtion to be She come bock with o silly question,
fun ond you will be o lot more seductive.
silly, on invitotion to ploy together in some woy. Ron picked up on thot
ond wos oble to ploy with whot she soid. He mode o ioke ond it went over well. He wos willing to iust open up his mouth ond soy whqtever
lltllflu
filll[ 0F R[uE|lr[[8
tlt0llrD B0
][ll?
come oul ond hove it be oll right. Remember whot we've soid before:
ln this exomple, Ron is going to tolk to Terri ogoin. ln this conversotion,
women ore looking to you lo see how well the inleroclion is going. lf you
he's going to osk the Romonlic Question
seem confident obout it, if you seem
ploful ond if you don't seem wor-
ried, then most of the time she is going to be okoy too.
'tVhot kind of odventure would
be fun?" Notice how this question opens her up. lt is not necessorily something thot is going to moke her melt with romontic feelings, like o question obout her mosi romontic dote might, but it is olso low-risk ond
RON: ln lhe end, it seemed reolly noturol to osk for the phone number. meon, il wos
I
effective. Here it is:
true-we were hwing o good time ond I did wont to
get trc know her better so I osked her if she would like to go out. lt
It sounds like you olso volue fun.
wosn't forced. lt felt noturol. TERRI: Yes.
So often our students worry loo much during flirting interoctions. They
RON: l've been thinking obout the ploces thot I like to go for odven-
seem lo think, '1vell, I wqnt to do it perfectly, so every word needs to
tures. You
line up with every other word ond it hos to be exoctly right."
reolly speciol, fun, exciting ond owoy from your normol doily life.
know-the kind of ploces where you con go ond it's
So if I wos toking you oul whot kind of on odventure would be
Thot simply isn't lrue. As you reod fiese flirting inlerocfions, we hope
reolly fun for you? Would it be o doy trip together?
you're storting to understond thot flirting is nol o motler of "doing it perfectly." ll's o motter of showing up, risking, being curious, committing yourself to being o source of certointy thot it's going to be okoy ond hov-
ing some fun with it. You'll see ogoin ond ogoin thot we hoven'l rewrit-
TERRI: Yes, o doy trip outside or o drive somewhere in the country or
o hike in some woods, somewhere there is o nice view, you know? And we could sit on the hillside in the sun ond listen to the wind through thc firll gross or leoves...
f
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RON: Wow thot sounds greot. Hove you done ony hiking in the
odmires her odventuresome spirit. Tho/s o greot move-we ore olwoys
mountoins or hos it been more oround here?
looking for something we con odmire obout the women we ore flirting
with, ond Ron did o greot iob odmiring
TERRI: l've hiked in Howoii ond Alqsko but most of my hiking hos been in Wisconsin. There ore no mounloins here.
Terqy.
RON: The other thing thot I keep osking myself is'lVhot trcpic hos the
RON: So troveling is o greol possion of yours, is it? Like seeing new
iuice?" lt doesn't motter if I om not interested in Alosko or if I om not
ploces ond going to new exciting outdoor ploces, like in Alosko?
interested in troveling; i/s whot lights her up, il's whot gets her going
on something she is possionob oboul. Therefore i/s importont
TERRI: Yes, I spenl three weeks in Alosko.
trc
me. And if it reolly does light her up, it will ultimotely get me inter-
RON: Wow whotwos thqt like?
ested, even if l'm not interested
TERRI: lt wos greot, iust driving oround comping in the different ports
of the stote. I took q troin from Anchoroge to Foirbonks ond thot wos o wonderful experience, iusl seeing the middle of the wilder-
d
the stort.
Let's look ot the rest of this conversotion. Notice how Ron hos fun with
Terri ond iokes oround with her.
ness from the window of o troin.
TERRI: Howoiiwos onoiher fovorite spot of mine. Hiking olong the
RON: I don't get to meet o lot of women who ore such serious go-geF lers or hqve thot much guls, so I reolly odmire thot obout you, thot
you ore oble to go on these fun odventures, you know?
coost, you come ocross o sign thot soys, 'Tidol wove level, stoy
obove this sign." And you hope thot lhere's no tidol wove coming.
RON: Thot sounds pretty odventuresome. Are you telling me thot
TERRI: lt is fun, I do like thot.
behind thot pretty foce of yours is this hellcot, doredevil womon?
Le/s iump in here ogoin ond tolk obout how Ron is doing, flirting with Terri. Ron is reolly curious, ond his curiosity reolly helps guide him in the
conversolion ond helps the conversotion unfold eosily. For instonce,
TERRI: [Loughs]Well, I om nol o doredevil. I do worry obout life ond limb, but I enioy odvenlures. But not bungee iumping.
RON:
But you
ore somebody who pushes the envelope. Admit
it-you
when Terri tolks obout her trip to Alosko, Ron gets curious ond osks,
con odmit it to me right now. [She loughs] I meon, it is the tru$,
'lVhot wos thot like?" Thqt gives her more opportunity to shore obout
you ore loughing but it is true, you ore the one who goes to the
something she cores obout. Ron then compliments her by telling her thot
tidol wove. You like to come to the edge where it is iust olmost
he doesn'l get to meet women like her very often ond telling her
il
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fiot
he
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TERRI: Right.
URSULA: Someone who enloys it.
RON: Well, thonk you for being honesl-we finolly get on honest onswer out of youl IBoth lough]
womon ond
I enjoy it, Ron Louis enioys it.
URSULA: Someone who fully enioys it with me ond who is reolly with
Ron's interoctions with Terri ore greot exomples
plolul with o
I
of being willing to be
to hove fun while conducting Romontic
me. Becouse some people hove sex ond they ore not reolly with
you, but there is this other thing where you're reolly tuned into eoch other ond you ore tololly communicoling with your entire
Conversotions.
body, including your eyes, ond speoking ond everything, ond you
ore using evelf one of your physicol
uilaE'$ a il[ailu cal'BFl'0E lltpBl|lellcB? This time the Romontic Question is
'lVhofs o totolly corefree experience
son-it
senses
with the other per-
is iust like nirvono to me, I iust think it is nirvono. Hove
you experienced thqt? RON:
tor you?" URSULA: I hove too. I meon, thot is the one time I reolly feel reolly
RON: I wos ot o dinner porty o couple doys ogo ond there were o lot of people ond we storted tolking obout moments when people felt corefree
wifi
someone of the opposite sex, ond this womon wos
tolking obout whot it is like when she is on o dote ond how she feels free lo iust be herself, to moybe kiss o guy out of the blue or
to soy whotever it is she wonls lo soy. l'd be curious to know, if you core lo shore-whot's o totolly corefree experience for you? URSULA: Moking love.
This is o good exomple of being
plolulwith
o womon, being sexy ond
hoving fun. You con tell Ron is noi going to end up iust o friend with this womon.
RON: lwqs shocked with the onswer she gove me to the question-l hod no ideo thot she wos going to respond with something so sex-
uol. I remember soying to myself, "l con't believe she is soying this." So I wos shocked obout thot. And thot odded to the fun of it.
RON: Wow, greot! Thot's whot I like to heor! URSULA: Well reolly, it is iust o very free experience with somebody,
Of course, you're going to get o wide voriety of responses from women. Some women will be this responsive, some will be totolly unresponsive.
with someone who enjoys it.
Thil il thc grcot thing obout hoving o high level of "throughpuf'with
RON: Someone like me?
I
corefree-when I om with o mon I love.
wom€n ond hoving o lot of women in your system. When your numbers
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ore
god
ond you know how to tqlk to women, you'll be oble to find ond
focus on the ones who ore the most responsive, which mokes everything
CAROL: Not reolly. DAVID: lfls hoppening right now, isnt
it?
in the seduction o lot eosier. When you find the ones thot ore thqt responsive, you go for them ond you let go of the ones who ore resistnnt.
CAROL: [Loughs] I iust love fiot, when you ore reolly communicoting with somebody ond you ore getting into the conversolion ond it just goes deeper ond deeper ond you ore reolly tolking heort to
heort ond you feel completely with the other person, inside the
uHfl[ Rr8 lll[B]l$Elu Pt$$mAm
olher person, ond ogoin, it is iust thot greot thing where oll of o
ln0ln0ll[$ r0l| u0ll?
sudden everybody else ot the porty iust disoppeors ond iust the
ln this exomple notice how Dovid geis curious obout whot the womon is
soying, how he gets
ploful ond how he osks questions
to toke the inter-
two of you ore suddenly there by yourself even though there is this
big bunch of noise going on oround you. h's like oll of o sudden il's very quiel.
oction further.
DAVID: Very cool. DAVID: l've been sod of conducting on informol survey obout this ond
i/s led to some pretty inleresting conversotions. For whotever reoson, lhere ore limes when you feel reolly connected to someone
CAROL: Yes, ond thot is iust on ideol kind of thing to hove in o relotionship.
else-it moy not be sexuol, it could be onyrvhere, but you iust for whqlever reoson feel reolly connecled ond reolly possionote. So
This went reolly greot. This womon is very responsive. Corol described
l'd like to osk you: whol ore some moments in your life where you
the kind of moment where she wos oble to feel possionotely connected,
feel intensely possionote ond reolly connected to somebody else?
ond it wos fun ond it creoted o greol, romonlic feeling between the two of them. She olso gove Dovid some greot informolion: she kept empho-
CAROL: I iust love it when you ore hoving o reolly deep conversotion with somebody ond everything else tunes out. I meon, it con hoppen ot o porty, for instonce. There con be oll kinds of people
oround you, ond noise, or ii could be iust the two of you qlone. The importont thing is the two of you ore hoving this conversolion
ond suddently everything else tunes out.
DAVID: Does thol hoppen often for you?
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ll0utc$0llflllnrofifi
sizing the imporlonce of o mon being with her. Dovid will be oble to use this informotion in building o connection with her, ond use thot phrose when he describes fiot experience to her. He con tell her how importont
it is for him to feel like he is with her ond more importontly con prove thot by creoting o connection where she reolly feels like he is with her.
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RON: Wos thot becouse of the scene, the romonce of the filming or
ulla[ R|'E s0[I' fau0||m
the sensuolity of it or wos ii somelhing else?
R0lllallrrc lll0u0$? Now Ron is going ic osk Sue oboul romontic movies. Notice how he structures the question with the excuse ond the description. At this point they hove been hoving o Romonlic Conversotion for o while ond she is pretty lit up. She is veqy responsive ond obviously likes him. There is definitely o sexuol vibe; he hos done oll of the things lo tqke himself out of the friend
Sue soys thot IAe English Polient is her ideo of Rother lhon orgue with her obout
it-to
o reolly romontic film.
us, IAe English Pofi'enfwos most-
ly gloomy, octuolly-Ron got curious. Whot obout this gloomy film did she find romontic? And how
tion
wifi
will knowing thot help him build o connec-
her thot is both romontic ond seductive?
cotegory.
SUE: There were o couple of reolly romontic relotionships in the
RON: I wotch o lot of movies. I om kind of o movie buff.
movie, ond one wos between the morried women ond Rolph.
RON: So you con relole lo the women who wos morried, yet she wos
SUE: Me too.
sleeping with somebody else?
RON: l'm curious oboulwhotwomen feel ore romonlic movies, romonlic choroclers or situotions they feel ore romontic, becouse
ollwomen seem lo hove o different definition of romonce.
SUE: Yes. Forgetting the morrioge port of it, they hqd on overwhelming physicol possion for eoch olher, ond thot wos iust very, veqy exciting in the movie. And then fhere wos this other relotionship.
SUE: Reolly?
They iust hod to be together, tho/s oll.
RON: Some women like it when o guy is o greot doncer, some like it
RON: And I thought $ot wos very romontic thot they go through oll
when o guy is o greot fotheri you never know whqt q womon will
this stuff to try to be together. And then there wos thol romonce
find romontic in o movie. So I would be curious to know, whot ore
between the nurse ond this lndion soldier.
some of your fovorite romonlic movies?
SUE: Did you think thot wos romontic? Oh, like there wos this one SUE: One thot comes to mind is lhe Eng/ish Potient.
scene, it wos so
greot-he puts condles out oll the woy from
the
house she wos living in oll the woy trc the born where he is stoy-
RON: Oh yes.
ing. lt wos iust reolly greot. She comes out ond it wos o poth for SUE: Thot wos very romontic.
her to follow right to him. And I think thot wos the first night they
moda love, they hod condles oll over ond it wos reolly romontic.
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RON: So you ore on old-foshioned romonlic, the clossic romontic.
lhese movies, how con I bring those imoges together with imoges
I
om iust using these tips for myself so when we get together loter
I
of her ond me together?" So I checked it out-l described us
will know to light condles oll over the bedroom ond to hove o troil
logether in o bedroom together with o hoil of condles-ond she
of condles for you.
liked itl
SUE: Yeoh, ond dress yourself up, you know? Weor something reolly
Notice how Ron risked reiection, but in o context in which o reiection
sexy, something speciol. Put the oftershove on.
would most likely not hove been personol or horsh. lf the womon wos-
RON: Hove the wine reody for you.
n'i inlerested in him romonticolly, she could very eosily hove simply given o tepid onswer to Ron's remorks obout being in the bedroom with
SUE: Yes, exoctly.
her. She could hove soid, 'lVell, thot wouldn't work with me"
RON: lfs going to be o good night, i/s going to be o good night.
or "l'd
hove lo know someone o long time before thot would ever hoppen" ond it wouldn't hove even been o blonket reiection of him. lt iust would hove
SUE: Chocolotes, chocolobs.
been onother piece of informotion obout her; onother port of lhe conver-
RON: So you love chocolotes?
sotion. lnsteod, she went right olong with it, tolking obout chocolote ond ophrodisiocs. lt reolly pushed everything to the next level. Ron con be
SUE: Yes, chocolote is supposed to be on ophrodisioc, you know.
foirly ossured ot this point thot she will respond positively when he goes
RON: Yes, it is supposed to be, we con find out.
for the first kiss ond more.
SUE: Thot must be why I like it.
As you con see, things ore reolly cooking between the iwo of fiem
so
Ron is oble to push it further by moking references to the greot time they
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ore going to hove together qnd to octuolly being in bed together. They ore strongly sexuol references, but becouse of the connection they hove
Ron is going trc strrt by osking Terri
o Romontic Question obout her mosl
built through the Flirting Moves ond Romontic Questions she wos
possionote crushes. When thot does not go exoctly where he expects it
obsolutely fine with them.
go, nolice how he moves intrc the first-kiss questions. The point is, you con
trc
tie Romontic Questions together. There is no low soying you con only do
RON: Yes, lwos thinking, "How om I going to moke this reol? How con I toke everything she soid obout whot she finds romontic in
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one ond you hwe ic brce on onswer. lf it looks like something else would
work bcticr onca you hove sturted on one, go
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TERRI: Oh, let's see, ihere wos o Tom, thot's for sure. There were o loi
check it out.
of Bobs, too.
RON: I wos thinking the other doy. I wos remembering when I wos younger, in high school, ond I wos thinking obout some of the women I hod crushes on ond how nerve-wrocking il wos, feeling exciting ond vulnerqble. Whot ore some momenls lhot you con remember in your life, like when you hod o crush on somebody
bock then ond whot hoppened?
RON: lwos thinking obout this too: the moments you ore kissing ond you ore possionotely lost ond you ore soying to yourself 'This is
greol" ond it is so fulfilling to be with them ond you ore with them ond your eyes ore closed ond you ore iust lost, iust getting into the experience of it. Whot ore times for you, if you ore willing to shore how you feel, wos it recently when you hove hod thot feel-
ing of enioying like your fovorite port of the kiss?
TERRI: Oh, wow.
RON: Like the first guy you hod o crush on, whot wos it like?
TERRI: Whot is my fovorite port of o kiss? Well, my fovorite port of o kiss is someone thot knows how to kiss, thot helps.
TERRI: ln kindergorten?
RON: lwos thinking obout in high school, but kindergorten is fine. Kindergorten, you storted eorly!
RON: You ore blushing o little bit! TE RRI:
TERRI: I hod two bofriends in kindergorten, bul they hod the some nome so it wosn't reol confusing. High school, I hod crushes on
boys, but usuolly nothing come of it.
And-
lSmilesl
RON: The chemislry is there. TERRI: So yes, someone who knows how to kiss. I love to kiss.
RON: Tell me some of the moments, if you ore willing to.
RON: Come on, lefs get some nqmes.
Let/s
soy we
ore kissing ond your eyes ore closed. Would this be o moment in
TERRI: So there would be Tom. Yes, I hqd o crush on him.
the kiss thot wos greot? Would it be ot the beginning, the middle or...?
RON: Whot become of
it?
TERRI: Something did hoppen there. We went steody for six months
when I wos
l3 yeors old.
RON: Whot wos o crush where you looked ot the guy like you ore looking ot me ond you iust felt like your heort pitter potter, ond rhor kind of thing.
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TERRI: lt would be ofter o little omount of time, but not o lot. You find out reolly quickly if the kiss is greot.
RON: All right, greol, I understond thot. You con show me this loter.
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Ron stqrfi-.d with
o Romonlic Question obout crushes but it didn't reolly
I
DAVID: So I wos wotching this trovel show the other night ond I wos
get to the kind of intensity thot he wos looking for. He wos looking for o
wondering obout vocotions ond obout how I hoven't been on o
response like 'Wow, with my first crush in high school, Bob, I couldn't stop
vocotion in o while. I wos wondering if you hove o fovorite voco-
thinking obout him ond we couldn'l keep our honds off eoch other."
tion spot or vocotion dreom? You know, perhops o ploce you hove
lnsteod, he kept getting somewhol vogue ond innocent childhood crushes.
been thot blew you crwoy or o ploce where you reolly sort of iust let go. Or moybe o ploce where you would reolly like to go. I wos
This is fine, ond it's exoctly the sort of thing thot will hoppen with women
on o regulor bosis. The \ /omon you ore flirting with probobly hos not reod this book, so she moy nol know the responses she's "supposed" lo
give. Put onolher woy, fiese techniques work in brood srokes-$e womon you ore with moy well be unresponsive to certoin questions or moy wonder off topic or whotever. ln this cose, Ron decided to shift to onother question, obout the best moment of o kiss, becouse there wos-
n'i much iuice wilh the first-crush
question.
And it worked-olmost
immediotely things storted going deeper ond he wos oble to moke o
flirting remork obout how she could show him the best moment of o
kiss
loler on. Hod she been o little more responsive he could hove even gone
iust kind of curious obout your thoughts obout your ideql vocotion. HEATHER: I reolly like to trovel. lwent to lrelond obout o yeor ogo,
ond thot wos pretty much the ideol vocotion. I went with o couple
of friends ond il wos o reolly greot trip. We didn't plon things
out-insteod of hoving this huge itinerory we just did whot we wonted when we wonted to. Thott whot I like to do when I om troveling. I don't like to hove lo be somewhere ot o certoin lime, thol's how things ore in my life ot home. So it is reolly nice to be
oble to lust stoy somewhere if you like il or leove if you don't.
DAVID: I bet you get to hove experiences thot woy thot you would not otherwise hove. You get lo see things thot normol tourists would
for giving her the first kiss ot thot point.
not gel to see.
ulla['$ u0lll| rflu0l'fiB uaGa[l0ll $00[? Dovid's Romontic Question, oboul Heothe/s fovorite vocotion spot,
HEATHER: Yes. lthink my ideolvocolion is obout hoving some time to rest qnd meeting new people ond getting o feel for the culture wher-
ever I om. lfls obout seeing the countryside, hiking, wolking.
leods into o lot of different iopics ond into o lot of different opportuni-
o second. Dovid is doing some cool stuff with this womon
ties to flirt. Also notice how eosily the question drows her into tolking
Lel's iump in
obout things she cores obout ond oboui memories thot ore pleosont lo
ond it's working. First, he found out where her ideol vocoiion wos. Once
All these good feelings ore getling connecled lo Dovid, leoving her
he hod thot he storted osking her obout the best moment on thot voco-
her.
tion, the one momenl when she felt most speciol ond omozed qnd when
liking him more ond woniing to be with him.
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she felt like her life wos obsolutely ot its best. He let himself get curious
HEATHER: I think itwos when we were hiking oround in o notionol
ond osk follow-up questions. You con see how thot is helping the whole
forest. lt wos reolly beoutiful. lt wos hord to believe I wos reolly
conversotion unfold in on interesting monner.
there. I kept telling myself thot I wos in lrelond. lt wos reolly mogicol ond beoutiful. There were woterfolls ond rolling hills ond o
We should mention here $ot "fovorite vocotion" is not o very risky Romontic Question in thol it does not oulomoticolly let her know you ore
romonticolly inlerested in her in the woy thot o question like 'tVhot
is
your ideo of o perfect romontic dole?" would. Thot's okoy, becouse this Romontic Question does nol exist in o void. Along
wi$ the Romontic
loke ond it wos reolly beoutiful.
And onother time wos when we were neor o little town ond we were driving olong the coostline on this norrow little
di* rood, it is
iusl o reolly bizorre driving experience. We reoched o ploce
where the whole rood wos token up by o lorge herd of cottle.
Queslion, Dwid is doing the Flirting Moves. Also, he will osk her other Romontic Questions ihot build in intensity ond riskiness qs his interoctions with her unfold.
DAVID: Wow. HEATHER: I guess fiey regulorly do thot, move lhem from one port of the field to onother.
Dovid is olso getting lots of informotion obout her. He's leorning how she likes to
relox she doesn't like regimented reloxotion; she likes to be oble
to hong oul ond be spontoneous. This informotion will be helpful to him when he storts designing their Seduction Dote: he'll be sure lo set up o
dote where she hos oplions ond where they con "follow lheir noses" rqther thon one thot is more tightly regimented or slructured. (You con
reod more obout seduction dotes in our book How lo Succeed wilh
DAVID: So they were iusl honging out in the rood? HEATHER: I guess thot wos the only woy. There wos this little boy with
o stick trying to get them in line ond trying to get them lo turn the corner lo go on this other rood ond it wos iust veqy memoroble. Thot would never hoppen oround here, ond it wos iust
o reolly
funny experience.
Women, ond in our other products.)
DAVID:
Yes, wow. Thot sounds greot, like one of those simple, perfect
momenis you'll remember forever ond olwoys feel good obout.
Le/s get bock to their conversotion.
I
often think obout those moments when you feel like you reolly
DAVID: Wos there one ploce thot you wenl to where you thought something like
'Vow
this is so speciol, this is so omozing"? Or
wos there one experience you hod, moybe sitting on the beoch, where you felt like
'Vow, I om herel This is my life, this is omoz-
ing." Moybe it wos someone you met, I don'l know.
t
llltru.Ifilb0itl$rilt[f,lnon hll
hove lived life. You know, those moments thot loter in your life you look bock on ond you qre reolly hoppy thot you took the opportunity thot come your woy. lt sounds like you ore pretty hoppy you ftcok thot opportunity to go on thot trip ond to find out whot there
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wos in it for you. So whot obout your future? Are there ploces thot you fontosize oboul going to thot reolly turn you on to think obout?
Let's breok
in ogoin. Dovid found out obout her post fovorite vocolion,
which led to her shoring o simple, wonderful momenl thot she will olwoys remember. Now Dovid's curiosity hqs token him in the direction
uHa[ ua$ I[ ilff8 t[ll$ll uOil ft]lBu UOU UB]|$ Iil IOUB? Now we're going to heor Ron tolk to Terri ond osk her some more Romontic Questions. You'll notice thot ot the beginning he gives the excuse ond the queslion, but not the description. The reoson for thot is
of the future.
thot he is in the flow with her ond the conversotion, so there is some flexHEATHER: I hove olwoys wonted to go to Novo Scotio. I reolly don't
know o lot obout it but l'm interested in the music l've heord from
thol region, ond I understond thot o lot of people who live there hove Scottish oncestors.
ibility. Until you get good ot it, you reolly should do oll three ports of the Romonlic Question.
Also, notice thot Ron uses the queslion "Do you believe in love ot first sight?" Wqtch corefully how he does thot, becouse, os you probobly know, if you go up to o womqn in o bor ond soy, "Hey boby, do you
DAVID: Oh, wow. HEATHER: And I hove heord thot the counlryside is reolly beoutiful
believe in love ot first sight?" you will probobly get nothing more from her thon o drink thrown in your foce. But if you structure it properly, the
ond thot the music is greol. Like I soid before, one of the best
woy he does it here, you con reolly gel o conversolion going. He does-
things obout troveling is meeting people who ore there.
n't leod with thot question but builds up to it, so it seems quite noturol.
DAVID: I con tellyou ore someone who reolly cores obout connecting with people, moking reql connections. I find thot reolly ottroclive, so thot is reolly o cool thing.
RON: You know, I wos tolking to o friend of mine ond we were tolking obout different times she hos been in love ond whot it wos like,
ond so I would be curious to know whot ore times in your life Dovid ended by odmiring something obout
her-thot she reolly
cores
when you suddenly felt like you knew you were in love?
obout moking reol connections, which hoppens to be true, ond by telling her thot he found thot ottroctive, which olso hoppens to be true. ln this
woy he mode the Romontic Question even more romontic by finding her interest, odmiring it ond telling her
$d
becouse of it she's the kind of
womon lo whom he's ottrocted. These lost moves took the whole interoction to o more personol level.
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TERRI: Oh wow, how mony do you wont to know obout?
RON: I iust wont to know oboul one or two. I con recoll whot it wos like when you soy
trc
yourself, 'This person is greo/' ond you love
being with hem ond it is olmost like the world becomes o rosy picture.
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TERRI: Right, 'This person is perfed." The chemisiry is there, the com-
RON: lwould be curious, whot ore some of the best first dotes you've
mon interests ore there, the wit ond wormth ond ployfulness ore
ever been on? When you meel someone ond it is going greot ond
there. The ployfulness is importont, so lhose things come together,
you might meet for coffee-like we might be doing soon-ond
ond so you soy, "This is it, this is greol."
fiings ore good ond then you go out on o more romontic dole. Whot qre some romqntic dotes you con recoll thot went greot?
RON: So it is greot. TERRI: Storting out with dinner ond iust wolking oround, moybe
TERRI: You iust go oround ond gush.
downtown, ond seeing the night sky from vorious ploces, sorf of
RON: Do you believe in love ot first sight? ls thot possible?
checking out whofs here, whofs there, whot new clubs ore there. Just kind of exploring together. Then wolking bock to the cor ond
TERRI: Oh yes.
thinking, "l don't wont lo go home" ond he soys lo me, "Do you wont lo go home yet?" ond I soy, "No, not me." Jusl continuing,
RON: ls it hoppening right now, os we speok?
finding o quiet ploce... Going to eoch club, opening the door, soy-
TERRI: [Loughs] l'm nol going to tell you thot!
ing, "No, too loud," closing the door ond moving on to the next
RON: Whqt ore the secrets? Does it hoppen to you, love ol first sight
or lust ot first sight? TERRI: Lust ol first sight, yes, love ot first sight, no. lt might loke o cou-
one. Jusl not wonling the evening to end, iust being together, iust tolking ond wolking.
RON: So whot is it qbout thot thot is so omozing to you? You were together wolking oround, ond whot is it obout thot thot is so
ple of sights, though.
romqntic or sensuol to you?
RON: A couple of moments? TERRI: Just the wonting to stoy together, wonting to know more obout
TERRI: Yes, pretty quickly, usuolly in o few doys.
the other person to sort of groduolly getting closer, iust sort of
bumping into eoch other iust sod of holding honds, iust step by
l[llt[
step, physicolly getting o llt bit closer, leorning more ond more
Rl|B
U0ll[ ]au0Fl[0 R0lnallnG Da[B$?
This time, Ron is tolking to Terri ond he is going tc osk her obout romon-
tic evenings trcgether. One thing to notice is how he brings the things she soys bock to his relotionship with her ond iS inevitoble success by soying
things like 'You ore giving me lors of good tips on where I con loke you'"
tl
llilltu
h0ull0lmlllunuil !m,hll
ond being ouldoors too, iust enioying the night sky ond enjoying the sights ond sounds together. lf you were in some exotic ploce,
you would probobly lose your focus, I think, on the other person.
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RON: So you ore giving me o lot of good tips on where I con toke
uilffi t$ u0m rau0l||[B |n0lnBIlE rll a fir$$?
you, is thot whot you ore telling me?
DAVID: I wos tolking to o friend of mine recently obout kissing. We
TERRI: Right.
were wolching on old movie on W where there wos o lot of kissThis womon gove Ron
q lot of informotion when he osked obout
ing going on ond we gol inlo o conversotion obout the whole lost
her
ort of kissing. You know, people dont think obout thot enough.
ideol romontic dote, ond he got curious ond wonted to boil it down to
the bottom line. So he osked her, "So whot is it obout thot thot is so
Oh, logree.
omozing Ioyov?" And thot deepened her even more into the beling she DAVID: I like everything thot your normol guy likes, but sometimes
liked so much.
I
ihink I like kissing more thon your overoge guy does. h's
worth noting thot you con use the question 'nVhot is it obout thot?"
SUE: Oh, thofs greot.
ony time o womon is describing on experience thot she enioyed' She enioys going from club to club, iust wolking oround with o guy? Asking
DAVID: I wqs thinking obout
whot is your fovorite
o kiss? There ore so mony different stoges to o kiss,
'tVhot is it obout thot thol wos so greot?" will help her focus even more
moment in
on those feelings you wont her to be hoving with you.
you know? Like you ore oboul to kiss, then you stqrt to kiss, then you ore reolly inio the kiss, then there's the first momenl your
lf you listen lo o womon's onswers to your Romontic Queslions, she will
tongues touch... And you could be kissing someone ond the world
often outline whot her ideol dote is. You will then use thot informolion
iust seems to stop, you know? So whot is your fovorite moment in
when you construcl o seduction dote with her. ln this cose, Terry is telling
o
Ron thot one thing thot might moke her hoppy is wolking oround down-
town, holding honds ond exploring. He's creoled o connection with her,
creoted some romontic feelings ond discovered
o
potentiol plon for
seducing her. Greot!
SU
kiss?
E: I just love thot very first instont when your lips come together. There is nothing like it. lt gels good
ofbr thot too.
But you know,
you ore seporole, you ore seporole, you ore seporote, then you get closer, closer, closer, you know you ore going to kiss ond then
you know the lips touch. Oh, to me thofs iust sensotionol. DAVID: Hove you ever hod one of those times where you ore obout to kiss somebody ond i/s winler ond there's stotic electicity ond there
il o littlc rpork from your lips to theirs, right
t
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before your kiss?
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SUE: [Loughs] I think thot hos hoppened. But I think it wos his broces.
I
should try to moke the whole lip touch their whole lip. And then
you con just slightly move your lips, like o gentle mossoging kind
DAVID: Thot moment iust before it hoppens is my fovorite momenl
of movement, so you ore reolly using your lips like fingers.
too, I think.
You
know, you ore reolly filling up the person's lips with your lips, if
SUE: Yes, iust the very inslonl when your lips first touch.
you con imogine.
DAVID: Especiolly for the first time with someone ond you reolly like them ond you reolly trust them. SU
lice my kissing.
E: Especiolly if they know how to kiss. I meon, I hove been out with men
DAVID: I con imoginetyou ore moking me wont to try thot out, proc-
thd hove been morried ond do not know how to
kiss.
This is o spot where octuolly toking thot first kiss would be o fine thing
lo do. Dovid could leon ocross ond soy, 'You meon, something
Things ore going greot. She's responsive to the question, so thofs reolly
like
this?" ond kiss her exoctly os she described.
greol news, ond she's getting used to shoring on this level obout such intimote topics ond hoving if be o good time.
uilffi
We'll tolk more loter obout the first kiss, but for now, notice how this Romontic Question could leod to
o
R0|Ilall[lc |n0uE$? lt
first-kiss situotion. As they shore
more deeply obout kissing, ond os the vibe becomes more intimote, it
would be o simple motter for Dovid to leon over ond soy something like
'lVhot o greot ideq, I think l'll
Rt'E u0lll| tau0l|ffi0
kiss you right
DAVID: I hove been wotching o lot of different movies lotely. l've been in sort of o film-festivol mode oround my house. I meqn, I like oction films but olso hove been getting into more romontic kind of
nov/' ond do it.
films, like When Horry Met Sally.
DAVID: So how do you
kiss?
Whot would your odvice be for me?
SUE: llikethotone.
Le/s soy you ond I ore kissing, hypotheticolly, ond if we got to
DAVID: I iust love lhose scenes where o womon is being swept off her
know eoch other thot woy, whot would be o good kiss?
feet ond iust reolly oble to iusl totolly let go intrc some sort of
SUE: Well, I don't like o first kiss where your mouth is honging completely open. Thot is iust too much
bo
whirlwind romonce. And I wos iust wondering, whd qre some of your fovorite romontic scenes or romontic movies?
soon. Thot is iust gross.
Your lips should be iust slightly ported, ond your lips need to be
very reloxed ond flexible. When you touch eoch other's lips, you
n
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SUE: Well, you know, I om glod you mentioned When Horry Met So//y, couse it is one of my fovorite movies. And I hove scene
too-it
is when Horqy ond Solly ore
o fovorite
ol o New Yeor's
Eve
porty but they ore not in o relotonship with eoch other, but they hove both tried relotionships with other people, ond there is o momenl when Horry oll of o sudden he looks ot her ond he reolizes thot she is the one ond thot he loves her. He gets q look on his foce, you con reod his mind, he is iust like looking ot her with
love in his eyes.
&l|es&i$1t6. $Er&
t
SUE: He wos pretending to be o morried mon so he would not get committed in his relotionships. I con't think of the nome but thot
is
o reolly good movie. DAVID: Well, it's good to get connected lo o women who knows some of those films. You know whot I think would be fun one night is to get together, cuddle up together, get some popcorn ond wotch
Chorade or somelhing like thot.
SUE: Yes, thotwould be fun.
DAVID: Wow, thot's reolly cool. I hove olso been looking ot some of the Cory Gronl movies. Like him ond Audrey Hepburn in
c0|lcil$r0[
Chorade.
SUE: Oh, CharadelThot is one of my fovorite movies, I hove thot movie.
You now know obout osking Romontic Questions. You hove seen the spectrum of risk thot those questions con cover ond how ihey creote con-
DAVID: lwould love to see thot film ogoin: the woy they ploy together
versotion, intimocy ond openings for going deeper into your connec-
ond how Cory Gront is olwoys chonging identies ond they hove
tions with o womon. You've seen how using Romontic Questions does o
such fost ropport ond ore so witty.
lot to keep you out of the friends zone ond creotes conversotions thot o
SUE: Thot is such o greot movie, ond romontic. lt is so clever ond
friend would never hove with o womon.
romontic. I reolly love oll the movies Cory Gronl mode, I reolly love Io Cotch
A lhief
There is o greot moment when Groce Kelly
iust kisses the heck out of him.
DAVID: Yep, I remember thot. SUE: She iust like tokes him. Thot is o greol scene.
DAVID: Whot is thot greot movie he mode
U
wifi lngrid Bergmon?
ullllu
Illul!uutl00lldubilltlil!tll
The next step: loking tolking further.
.
cltfp[El'n mffillg mHllls rllrru0r There ore other importonl steps to seducing
o womon beyond simply
being oble to tolk to her. You need to get her number or emoil oddress
ond sei up the dote. You need to be oble to tolk to her on the okoy, we've covered
fiot
in exhoustive
dote-
detqill-ond you need to be oble
to go for the first kiss.
ln our doting cooching proctice, we get lots of questions qbout these issues, so the first
porl of this chopter will be in question ond onswer
formot. Then we'll tolk obout going for the first kiss.
For further informotion obout everything covered in
$is chopter ond to
leorn obout where to meet women/ Priming Dotes, Seduction Dotes ond much, much more, check out our book How fo Succeed wilh Women,
ond, of course/ our website, howtosucceedwilhwomen.com.
ll0l[ [0
R$ff FOl'
[ilB Pil0n8 ll[lnBGl'
Men often osk us how to get o womon's number or osk her oul. There's no trick trc it, os you'll see from this
\
O & A.
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QUESTION: Hey guys-l iusl wonled to osk how lo close the deol with o girl. After tolking
br
f*tfiIer
especiolly ol the beginning of your seduction of her. Shocking os it
o while I still hove trouble get-
moy seem, o womon who is interested in you willvery likely not
ting their numbers or osking them out on dotes. I would oppreciote
coll bock. Of course, neither will o womon who is not interested,
your odvice.
so you jusl con't use collbock frequency os
trc
them
o meosure of how
much she likes you.
ANSWER: This is simpler thon you might think. After chotting with o womon for o while ond doing some of the flirting moves so she
So when should you coll her? When you wont to. But don't keep
knows yov're interested, you simply sey, "Hey, you seem cool.
Whot would it be like if we went out for o cup of coffee sometime?
lewing messoges-simply coll. lf she onswers, greol, but only leove o messoge once in o while. lf ofter the third messoge she hosn't
Could I hove your emoil oddress or phone number?" lf she soys
colled you bock, she's not interested, ond tho/s too bod. Time
yes, try lo set up the dote right then.
trc
move on.
l/s reolly jusl o motter of opening your mouth (oL os Ron colls il, Sodly, the phone con become o reol stumbling block. Don't worry
your "pie trop") ond risking reiection by osking her.
fiot
she might think you ore weird for colling-remembe6 she's
looking lo you to see whether or not she should bel weird obout
ll$I|lx
il0
things. lf you don't think ifs weird to coll her, odds ore she won't,
Pil0llB u0 R$[ Offi l[0lnBll
either.
Mony o successful dote lives or dies on how you use the phone. You'll see in these questions thot we consislently give one piece of odvice: get
This problem points tro the imporlcnce of getting her emoil oddress. Set up the dote vio emoil or o combinotion of emoil ond telephone
her emoil oddress!
ond you'll be woy oheod of the gome. Q: I reolly like this girl in school (we ore both in college). I think she
is
responsive whenever I tolk with her ond I don't think she hos o
boyfriend. I got her number ond she soid I could coll her, bul l've cqlled severol times ond she hosn't colled bock. Whot should I do?
time ond dote for the Priming Dote? I hote to keep colling, trying to cotch her in person, especiolly becouse Cqller lD ond *69 con moke it sooo eosy to find oui who iust colled you.
Should I leove her olone?
A: When o womon doesn't coll you bock, it does nol meon thol she isn't inlerested in you. Never expecl o womon to coll you bock,
tt
Q: How do I deolwifi onswering mochines when trying to set up o
llruu
irull[rllouud[fiillt*llll,tlll
This is o reol problem ond con kill o romonce before it even gets
ltqrlcd. Howover, there is q woy to block coller lD. lt vories from
nftinrfiilltins ftrmsr
l|slll t$ lsltl lb w0mss
qreo to oreo, but it's often occomplished by dioling *62, ihen the
However, the big snog l'm hitting lotely is ofter getling the girl's
*62, then number-coller lD shows you os "Privote Number." Diol
number. l've hod obout
the number. lf you get the mochine, hong up. Check your phone
veqy ollrocted to me give up the phone number, ihen either never
*67 moy nol work in oll oreos. book before trying this;
coll bock or moke up stupid excuses to not go out. l'm used to
l0
girls over the post monfh who seem
hoving ot leost three dotes per week ond l've hod none for severol
Of course, fiis doesn't meon you shouldn't ever leove o messoge. Just don't leove more thon three of them.
weeks now so it's frustroting.
And how you do this
depends o lot on how hot o leod the womon is. lf you hove greot
ropport with her qnd hove flirted wirh her mony times ond ifs pretty cleor she's iust being scotterbroined, you con soy something like "l hove
trc
tellyou, I hove o policy. I don't meon
irc
be meon, but I cqn't
leqve more thon three messoges wifiout getting o coll bock. lf you
don't get bock to me, I won'l be oble to coll you for o long time.
Whot you ore bumping up ogoinst is o very common pottern we've noliced with our sfudents: success ond foilure seem to come in woves. Thot's port of the seduction life. By woves, we meon thot there seem to be trends in doting thqt ore outside of your control,
bosed in some sort of rqndomness or luck. And it's weird: some-
I
like you ond you seem like o greol womon, but thofs iust whofs up.
Anylvoy, my number is..." This isn't heovy; you're not yelling ot her...iust telling her the woy it is. You oren't upset, iust strrting the focts.
times every womon colls bock-somelimes none do. Somelimes every womon you dote wqnts lo sleep with you. Sometimes there
ore periods of no sex. Somelimes every womon you interoct with is
q blonde. Sometimes they oll seem to be schoolteochers.
Stronge though these trends moy seem, they ore normol. And in
lf she doesn't return your colls ofter three messoges, we think she's probobly not intere$ed. lf you see her, don't mention the colls-do not confront her obout itl Flirt with her more ond try to set up o dote
right thenl
Q:
You certoinly ore hoving some solid success, ond thot is greol.
time, the trends olwoys furn.
ln the meontime, here ore some other pointers we invite you to refed on:
How long do you woit to coll the womon ofter you get the num-
Since I begon studying How to Succeed with Women obout o yeor
ond o holf ogo/ over ond over ogoin, l've become exlremely successful. l've reoched the point where I con get olmost ony single
ber? Perhops you ore woiting too long to coll ond set up the dote.
Moybe you should try to tie down the dote ot the some time you get the phone number.
womon's phone number ond I now hove o high success role o[
Are you octively doing the three-step reiection process when things
hoving sex on doles.
don't work oul or ore you getting demorolized?
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fifi$ s$ lfflll f0
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ln cose you've forgoften, the three-siep reiection process is:
l.
nillllg illng$ tlllult0t'
Remember thot doting is o numbers gome. You will probobly hove to
heor o certoin number of nos before you get o yes, so this is one more no you won'l hove to heor ogoin on your woy to the inevitqble yes from
someone else.
ffi []na[
When is o good time to stort sending romontic letters viq emoil?
I
hove known this girl for qbout two weeks. Extremely hot. I hove to shoke guys' honds everywhere I go just becouse they hove seen me with her. I don't wont to push it too fost with the romontic tolk,
but I olso wont her to think romonticolly obout me. I olso hove her 2. Chonge your interpretotion of why she reiected you from something
home oddress if you would like to odd onything there...
thot hqs to do with you lo something thot hos to do with her or with life.
"l guess she didn't heor me." "Looks like she's wropped up in her own
A: Good work on the first steps-going out with o womon you find
world." "Perhops her dog iust died." Remembe4 iusl becouse on explonotion is poinful doesn'l meon you hove to believe it. Find on explono-
ottroctive. Now for $e nexl step-turning mindless honging out into somelhing romontic ond sexuol.
tion thot is not poinful for you ond proctice believing thot. You don't soy much obout your relotionship now. Whofs it like?
3. Redirect your ottention fo something else. Don't dwell in the reiec-
Are you kissing? Moking out? Hoving sex? Heck, ore you even
tion-find
holding honds? Does she know you ore not iust o friend? This stuff
in
something else-onyhing else*ond letyourself get obsorbed
is importont.
it.
lf they don't coll you bock, do you then ossume they ore not
intrer-
ested ond not coll them ogoin? We recommend thot you expecl
deduce thot you ore probobly not hwing sex with her. You must
them not to coll you bock qnd thot you coll o number of
stort showing your romontic interesl in her. You must be compliment-
times-
soy, three times-before you give up on them. With eoch coll, oct
ing her, for one thing. lf you ore noi complimenting her os o womon
os though the previous coll never hoppened. Never confront o
or showing your romontic interest ihen you ore reolly in trouble-
womqn obout nol colling you bock.
she moy be thinking of you os q friend
Do you ever gel their emoil oddresses? This mighr be o more efbclive woy to seduce them. lf they ore busy moybe emoil is more effi-
cient-ond you con use Romonlic Questions, Deepening ond other seduction moves lo "pre-seduce" lhem vio emoil before the dotre.
T
Since you ore relucicnl to mqke romontic trrlk with her, we con
utCIt!,i0uhtm0fi
ulbium,oilull
olreod.
Emoil is greot becouse it gives you the opportunity to soy things, especiolly romontic things, thot you might not normolly hove the nerve trc soy lo o womon. lt gives you on opporfunity lo run "visuol-
izolionr' on her. Rememberi when you describe something
trc some-
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lallills lrllliw Srr$llsr
lrllr n llr0n8ll
one, she hos to go inside ond imogine whot you ore describing iust
to be oble to trock with whot you ore tolking obout. lf I describe o
cow you hqve lo imogine it. By the some bken, if you describe on experience trc someone, she hos to go inside ond imogine hwing rhot experience in order to understond whot you ore tolking obout.
Iafilllg rllrllg$ talttll0l| Q: How con I go from hond-holding to something more intense? I find I con get to the point where l'm sitting on the couch with o
womon, wotching o movie ond holding honds. But whot nexf?
So you wqnt to writre emoils thot describe wonderful feelings of love
ond romonce tc the womon of your dreoms. This will gei her in the
You've heord the soying "God is in the detoils"? Well, so is sex, os
right stote of mind for your nexl move.
it turns out. lf you con bring exquisite, detoiled ottention to even o
tiny port of her body, she'll go nuts for more. The mistoke most
big*ond
We suggest love poems. Seorch online or go to o bookstrore or
men moke is they wont to move on to something
librory ond look under love poetry. Write her emoils thot soy things
odvonce from hond-holding to something more, you hqve to focus
like "l sow this poem ond it mode me think of you. I thought l'd
on being smollond slow
fost. To
shore it." Then enclose the poem. Feel free lo use the some Poem on
o number of women, iust so long os they don't know eoch other.
This meons slowly coressing the polm of her hond or ftcuching your
fingertips fic hers ond reolly bringing your ottenlion trr the beling of ln your siluotion, romontic emoils should be port of your
the sensolion. Or you might iust lightly stroke the inside of her wrist.
opprooch. You should be showing your romontic interest ond tok-
You do this to drow her ottention
ing her on o Seduction Dote. You should hove on outcome in mind
ore shoring. Also, toke your time with it. Most of our students ore
for eoch dote-kissing her? hoving sex? Be sure to pursue other
ofroid thot if they don't rush sexuol inbroctions, sex will never hop-
women-don't let her be your one-ond-only hope-ond be willing
pen. But it turns out the opposite is lrue. lf you show thot you ore
to risk finding out whot she thinks of you. lf you hoven't kissed her
reolly willing fic give her detqiled, ottrentive touching ond thot you
yet, you should soon. Whotever you do, don't let this thing remoin
oren't pushing things, it will very often drow her towords you. Also,
"moybe friends, moybe potentiol lovers." Be the mon, push the siF
if you ore willing trc show thot you hove some foith thqt sex will hop-
uotion ond find out.
pen-you show this by not pushing things too hord, or too fostyou will be very oltroclive
b
ic the subtleties of the ficuch you
her. You won't be like oll the bone-
heoded guys who either ore friends becquse they show no intrerest
ot oll or ore ierks becouse they try
t
!ilIu,hil!b$mmdutthuomm unrhlh
trc
push her into sex.
lellitls T8lfii{ls lm$fisp
l|0ls &0 trel|| 18 $J0msE
You moy olso wont to hold eye conficct while you ore doing this
touching. Don't force Be
il
if she turns to look ot you, hold her goze'
These steps
will help build the reol energy ond intimocy between
you ond open the golewoy for more conlocl.
willing to look intrc her eyes ond tc have her look inb yours'
Show her you ore willing to hold thot intimote contrrct. She'll probo-
bly be looking ic you for whether i/s okoy or not to connect so strongly, so let yourself believe
illllll|ls R tl|rc]l0 l]lm R 10uB1t
hot i/s okoy-don'f woit for her to Sometimes men wont
believe i/s fine before you do.
to toke tolking further when they hoven'l
even
done the oppropriote tolking first. lf o womqn thinks of you os o friend This is o good time to comment on the energy between you'
ond you ore interested in her romonlicolly then you must loke oction to
Commenling on the energy drqws her otlenlion to it without it seem-
toke things forfher. Here's o question obout thot.
ing like you ore lorcing onything. Soying,
'!Vow this energy
beween us is reolly omozing" con do o lot to intensify her oworeness ond occeptonce of thot energy. lf she soys, 'Yes, it reolly feels
greol," tho/s when you might wqnt lo kiss her. You con either slowly leon in ond kiss her without soying onything or use the onnouncement method ond soy something like "Dont ponic, l'm going to kiss
you now."
Q: ls it possible to turn o womon from o friend into o lover even if you've known her os o friend for o few months? A: Yes, it is possible to turn o womon from o friend to o lover if you know whot to
do-but
even then it won't work every time. Some
women keep you os o friend becouse you've been too scored to moke your romonlic inlerest known or becouse you've mode o bunch of boneheod mistokes ond olienoted her (ot leost temporori-
Commenting on ihe energy is olso o greot lesl ic see whether she is reody for rhe first kiss or not. lf she soys, "Eh, I don't feel much ener-
gy," then you know to not bother trying to kiss her' lf she soys, 'Yes,
ly) from being romontic. Perhops you've mqde fort iokes, soid collous things or treoted her like o buddy-nothing too serious. These
ore women you've got o shoi of chonging into lovers.
I feel it ond it reolly scores me, I think we should slow things down," then you know to bock off for o while until she is comfortoble. Often
women will pose some sort of problem ot
will hondle
fiis point ic see how you
il 'tVill he be potient wih me or will he orgue, poul or
be o ierk?" Be potient, don't resist her resislonce ond go bock to
hond-holding. Move closer ogoin lobr.
Other women hqve you squorely in the iust friends cotegory ond
you oin't goin' onyrvhere, pol. These women moy be morried or in relotionships, they moy be difficuh, high-mointenonce women
or*
the sod foct-they simply moy not like you very much ond iust keep
you oround
br when they hove
nothing better to do. You ore unlike-
ly ic furn lhase women intrc lovers, but by trying, ot leost you'll get
I
u$u.hlllbm00$ilultIu0lllil t0n,bill
ll0l[ t0 lslfi lff
l0liins lfllfii[c tumnsn l{01{N8ll
who them out of your life ond cleor some psychic spoce for women
Consequently, he is indecisive ond oppeors weok trc her, olwoys neryous, olwoys woiting for her ic relox before he reloxes. He does-
do wont to be sexuol with You.
n'l ever flirt or soy onything romontic becouse he doesn'l wonl So whot con you do trc get "iusl o friend" L,e/s
ic become your lover?
look ot the bosic primer on friends-to-lovers, Louis & Copelond
trc
risk moking her uncombrtoble. Only if he hos o cleor signol thot
flirting is okoy will he do it. This will never work.
style.
lf you ore going trr be seductive with o womon, you musl be willing
pursue other women.
lf you wont
ic furn o friend inb o lover,
to provide the certointy thot everything in the interoction is
okoy-
it is cruciol beyond words thot she not be your one-ond-only-hope for sex. You must be pursuing olher women, flirting with other
even if i/s romonlic. Thot meons thot you believe il's okoy ond let
women, romoncing other women ond being sexuol with other
rhing is greot! Since she's probobly been looking irc you ond your
women. Pursuing ond being successfi;l with other women is the only
behovior ic know how to feel obout things, most of the time this will
woy to hove reol freedom oround the friend you ore trying to seduce. lt will give you o sense of potience with her, remove ony
octuolly help her relox.
moke you sense of desperotion you moy be feeling oround her ond
You musl srort doing oll rhe flirling moves.
less
woiloble-qnd
her know it. You don't oct like lhere's o problem-you oct like every-
You olso must
strrrt using the flirting skills. You must osk 'Whot's the stoqy behind
thus more oliroclive-trc her'
lhot?" You must proctice Situotionol Fli*ing ond the Goodbye
Acr like o lover, nor like q femqle friend'
Pop quiz, hot-
lntroduction. You must condud Romontic Conversolions ond
shot whot does o mon who becomes o womon's friend do difbrent-
Deepening Conversotions. When you stort incorporoting lhese
if ly with her thon onother womon would? Answer: nothing. Morol:
behoviors intc your lib, women will nof wonder whether you ore o
you wonr o womon trr see you os o sexuol mon, rolher thon bosicol-
wimpy friend or o potentiol lover. You'll be o potentiol lover every
ly os on ugly womon, then you musl ocl differently lhon onother
time-or she'll get rid of you. (More on thot below.)
womqn would. This is true for women you ore iust meeting os well os for women who
hwe known you for o while ond olreody think of
Be upbeor qnd be b.rsy. The chonces ore you ore kind of
you os o friend. Bottrom line: you must flirt with her, weird os it moy
depressed when you're with the femole friend you wont lo hove sex
feel to you the first time you do it. You must flirt'
with, comploining obout your life ond generolly being o whiner. You must strcp doing ihot right owoy. She should find herself thinking,
so often q mon who ends up o womon's friend fulls into the trop of wonting lhe womon to bel combrtoble obove oll else'
sulrutmrmnlulbhumil tm,lill
'tV'or, he seems pretty hoppy,
even wilhout me. l'd better get o
lillins tilhiss rllmilft
llslu $s Tsllr l0 y{0mell
piece of thot!" rother thon 'Wow, this guy is o downer." You must
poinful for me to be iust friends with someone I bel this woy obout.
ocl more upbeot, like you hove something going on in your life' The
l'm ottrocted fo you." Then sficp honging oround with
best woy to do this is to pursue olher women {see obove).
you'll be doing something positive for your self-esteem os o mon.
One mon we know did thls with o womon he wos interested in. She
Don'l bockslide.
hod doted him o few times, then decided they should be iust friends.
you moy be trempled to foll into the trop of octing like o friend
("1'm very excited," she trcld him.
"l'm excited you ore going
trc
be
her*ot
leost
lf she goes for it ond gets romontic with you,
ogoin. Don't do it! Follow seducfion protrccol.
my new best friend." Arrrgl) He storted following the doting fundomenlols oggressively ond soon found himself being sexuolwith
onolher womon. ln thot ploce of sexuol obundonce, he wos oble to
rllE fl||$[ fit$$
be hoppier ond less woiloble oround lhe womon who wonted tc be The first kiss con come ot ony time in on interoction with o womon. This
iust friends.
is o criticolly importont point. So mony men mess up their seductions of He told us, "She colled to lell me she'd be trco busy trc see me for o
women by thinking the first kiss hos lo come ot the end of the dote. They
while ond I wos oble
trc honestly
fine-thot I wos reol-
therefore don't hove their eyes open for opportunities to go for the kiss
ly looking forword
seeing her ond thot we'd get 1cgether whenev-
eorlier ond put so much pressure on themselves ot the end of the dote
irc
soy it wos iust
er we both found the time. Her response? 'But I reolly wont lo see
thot they mess up the kiss onywoy.
you!' By being hoppy ond busy, l've been oble t'c keep her pursuing me, ond l'm confident l'll end up in bed with her." He's free irc be
As you proctice flirting, you'll find thot there ore more opportunilies lo
polient with her, to work the seduction slowly, ond not be ottoched
build up to ond go for the first kiss thon you used to think. For exomple,
to the outcome. Be upbeot ond busy if you wont to turn o friend into
we olwoys suggest thot you behove like o gentlemon wi$ women. lf o
o lover.
womon interests you, lry to olwoys open doors for her. ln o nice restouront, pull out the choir for her. lf she is o possenger in your cor, open the lf you do whot we soy, things will
door for her ond close it for her ofter she gets in. These little gentlemon-
slrrl seeming more romontic with the women you befriended. She'll
ly moves ore like the Flirting Moves; they keep reminding her thot you
either get with the progrom (ond probobly soy, 'You've chonged!")
ore nol iust o friend. You ore o mon, treoting her like o womon. This will
or she'll tell you in no uncerloin lerms thot you ore now ond will for-
go o long woy loword conlinuing the seduction. ln o woy, being o gen-
R.efuse
to snoy iust friends.
ever be iust friends. lf thot hoppens, you hove
trc
stop honging
oround with her. Without hedging, tell her, "l'm sorry but i/s trco
I
uw hrshrmilldulilumm mtntbtll
demon is o form of Situolionol Flirting, becouse you qre using the ele-
ll8[' bll talfi
&lrirK lfflllins
l[ t{8lllsn
futlGr
ments of the situotion you ore in os o woy of continuolly showing her
the elements of the situotion fic show romonlic interest (though it wosn't
your romontic intentions. This con leod to o first
comic, os most Situotionol Flirting is). As they woited outside the club for
kiss.
Here's on exomple: Dovid wos once on o dqte thot hod been set up by
some friends
of his. His two friends (o couple) hod decided to ploy
motchmoker ond hod set up
their friends, Betsy osked Dovid, 'Aren't you cold?" He onswered, 'Yes, oOkoy,'ond they leoned fitg"thbut o kiss would worm me up!" She soid, er ond kissed.
o dinner for the four of them. Now, we
olwoys odvise our students not lo count on their friends lo set lhem up,
At thd point, they hod known eoch other obout two hours. He hod firted
but ot the some lime being set up is on occeptoble port of your doting
ond shown romontic interest ond she hod responded. Once this kiss hod
strolegy. lt iust should never be your one-ond-only hope. We olso usuolly tell men to hove Priming Dotes before hoving dinner dotes. (A
hoppened, Dovid's queslion wos no longer'lVill she get sexuolwith me?" The question become one of 'lVhen?" By poying otlention to the environ-
Priming Dote is o cofhe dote you hove with o womon. You don't move
ment ond using the situotion to his odvonlrege, Dwid wos oble to get
on to Seduction Dotes-bosicolly evening dotes-until you've estob-
first kiss well before the end of the dote-ond much more lqter in the
lished some mutuol sexuol inbrest. See our book How
lo
Succeed wilh
$e
evening.
Women for much more on Priming Dotes ond Seduction Dotes.) Here's onolher exomple. Ron wos on o Priming Dote with o womon in o
But few rules ore corved in stone, so Dovid went olong on this dinner-
ond-doncing dote. lt turned out the womon, Betsy, wos very
prefi ond
coffee shop. He hod done the Flirting Moves qnd osked his dote the Romonlic Question
'lVhot
is your ideol romontic dole?" She responded
intelligent. They hod o good time ot dinner; Dovid wos flirting with her,
enthusiosticolly, telling him, 'There ore octuolly three ideol scenorios"
smiling, holding eye conloct, winking ond checking out her body. He
ond describing them in detoil. She then osked him obout his ideol romon-
osked her'Whofls the story behind thot?" ond did some Deepening. He
tic dote, ond they looked into eqch othey's eyes os he tolked obout it.
osked the Romontic Question
'lVhot is your ideo of o mosl romontic
dqte?" ond oll four of them discussed it. Dovid noticed thot ofter this,
She excused herself to go to the bqthroom. When she come out of the
Betsy's eyes sporkled os she looked ot him.
bolhroom, she poused in front of the fire burning in the coffee shop's fireploce. Ron come up behind her ond gently put his honds on her
After dinner the four of them went doncing. Dovid's friends lei Dovid ond Betsy
off in front of the donce club while they went to pork lhe cor. lt wos
shoulders. She turned ond smiled, looking into his eyes, ond they kissed severol times. This wos ofter knowing her for oboul on hour.
cold, so Dovid took off his iockei ond put it oround B"tty't shoulders os they wolked trc the club. This wos Situotionol Flirting in thot it wos using
urur
lilltullild[l[huemllm/illl
[ut,lHlil$illil||unil,0til/itll
llr,ur &s
lltx
lo*i'|s &l&ins tunlll8r
l0 il$eKsll
One of our students mel o womon ol o compus grocery co-op. They hit
but of course, you never know. The bottom line: if you've shown romon-
it off ond he osked her if she'd like to go to o coffee shop with him. She
tic interest, she shouldn't be surprised when you go to kiss her.
soid yes, so they went lo one ond tolked for over on hour. He did the Flirting Moves ond Deepening ond osked some Romonlic Questions.
Second, she must like the ideo of being kissed. You test this through the
During o Deepening Conversotion he osked her, 'lVhot would you most
flirting ond Romqntic Conversotions thof you do. lf she resists your flirt-
like to be doing with your life?" She onswered, ond there wos o very
ing
close, intimote feeling in the oir. She osked him the question bock. He
body or turns owoy when you wink-she probobly is not interested in
onswered, "l don't knowwhot lwont to be doing with my life, but I know
the first kiss. lf she onswers oll your Romontic Questions with one-word
thot right now I wont to be kissing you." She blushed ond soid, "Okayi'
or evosive replies, she's probobly not interested. Don't bother going for
ond he leoned ocross ond kissed her. From thot point on, there wos no
the kiss; she's nol interesbd.
-
if she won't hold eye contoct, glores ot you when you check out her
question thot their relotionship wos romqntic, not iust friends. Totol time
from meeling her to getting thot first kiss? One hour ond 20 minutes.
lf she's been receptive trc oll the other romontic things you've done then you
con go Does this hoppen every time? Of course not. But it con hoppen
o lot more
thon most men reolize-but you hove lrc toke the opportunity to go for the kiss when it presents itself. Simply
hwing on eye open br opportunity will
br
the first kiss
wifi o good
chonce of success. There ore o couple
of woys trr do it. You con osk her if you con kiss her, but mony women ftnd this offonsVe, believe it or nol. You con "iusl do it run the risk of doing it ogoinst her
will-which
is
"
but when you do, you
third-degree sexuol ossoult
dromoticolly increose your chonces of getting the first kiss well bebre the
if it
end of the dob.
onnouncing the kiss by leoning trrword her ond sqying something like
pisses her off enough. (Don't soy we
'Wow, l'm going tc
kiss you"
didnt worn youl) We like simply
or "Don't ponic, l'm going tc
kiss you." This
works well ond doesn't leqve her thinking thot you ore o beggor or o ierk.
00lllg F0l| [ile Hl|$[ fit$$ There ore two bosic conditions
fiot
work (for o lol more on this,
How lo Succeed with Womenl. First, she
see
must be creoled for the first kiss to
c0llcil$n1l
must not be surprised by the kiss. She must be thinking of it or seeing it
Tolking to women is not the only component of succeeding with women,
os somewhot inevitoble. This will hoppen if you've shown your romontic
though it is o criticol porl. You still must be oble to get her number or
interest, if you've done whot we've outlined in this book, ond
-
here's the
X-foctor-if she likes you. lf you do fiese things, shet likely to like you,
emoil oddress, set up the dote ond go for thot oll-importont first kiss. lf you odd the skills in this chopter
b
whot you now know obout tolking to
women, you'll go o long woy toword hoving the sex life you desire.
tr
uuu ll0ub0il00ildulthu0nil 00lll/lrll
.
C]lilIBl' H $0[cl[f,l0ll Congrotulotions! From this moment forword, you never hove lo feel like
you ore "stuck" in your tolking to women ogoin. You now know the Flirting Moves, 'lVho/s the story behind lhol?," Situotionol Flirting, Deepening, the Goodbye lntroduction, Romontic Questions ond more.
With these skills ovoiloble to you, you olwoys hove someploce to go in o conversqtion. You con use your curiosity ond osk o question. You con do some Deepening. You con osk o Romontic Question. You con toke o risk. You con moke sure you ore smiling, winking or conveying vitolity
with your body. As you proctice with this moleriol, you will find thot lhere's olwoys o direction you con go in o conversolion with o womon,
ond thot is very reloxing knowledge, indeed.
You've olso leorned thot tolking to (ond seducing)women is o sequence,
ond the ports of $e sequence oll fit together. lf you don't know whot to do ond ore seeing o womon for the first time, you con soy hi or use the
Goodbye lntroduction. Those moves often leod to opportunities lo
use
your curiosity, either by osking o curiosity queslion ond follow-up questions or by osking 'Whofs the stoqy behind thot?"
Other limes, you'll find you con go from hi to o Situotionol Flirting move, moking some sort of loke or creqlive misinterpretotion obout the environmenl, ond you con bond by being silly ond loughing together. Doing
lM!
[uub0$r00rrdllrllllru0lll0ll cml/hrllr
ll[ur &l} lallt ls !il,8nal
$sn$lIsi0n
thot will often leod lo good,
plolul
feelings, from which you con olso
osk o curiosity question or 'lVhot/s the story behind thot?"
R|l[ Hllallu._. Ultimotely, the conclusion of this book is writien by you.
Once
o womon storls
reloxing with you,
Deepening Questions. You might sey,
"l
i/s
eosy
lo
strcrt osking
know thot everyone's iob hos
moments they don't like, but very often there ore momenls where you
feel like, 1Mow, this is whot I wos put on eor$ to do.' l'd be curious to
h/s
written by you
in how you live your life ond how you use this moteriol. lf you look ot this os on interesting book thot you got o fow tips out of, tho/s fine. But this book will be oll the more powerful if you review the progrom ond set it
trc
work. You write the conclusion...in howyou use this book in your lib.
know, if you'd core to shore, whot ore some of lhose moments for you?" From there il's eosy lo odmire whot she is into ond reflect il bock lo her,
which mokes you more speciol in her eyes ond connects you even more.
Even though we don't know you personolly, we reolly do core whot hop-
pens trc you ond your success wilh women. We reolly do wont this book to speok directly
While this is going on, of course, you've been procticing your Flirting Moves. You've been moking ond holding eye conloci, you've been mok-
ing decisions quickly ond eosily, you've been winking ol her, you've been complimenting her ond so forth. These moves odd to the certointy,
both on your porl ond hers, thot you ore tolking io her qs o mon tolks
lo o womon he is inlerested in romonticolly. lt will be hord for her to think of you os iust o friend; the fli*ing conversotions you've been hov-
trc
you, ond we hope it mokes o reol ond positive differ-
ence in your life. We hope ic meet you somedoy ol o seminor, through our
cooching progrom or oDnvhere in the world vn{rere we moy hove the good b*une to conneci. We olso wont lo sincerely thonk you for reoding this book, suspending your doubts ond trying things out. We ocknowledge
you for getting hrough the sections you might hwe disogreed with or
bund difficult. ln oll sincerity, we commend you for toking the sieps you need to toke to develop the kind of success with women you desire.
ing olso help. At this point you might osk her out for o coffee dote. On
thot dote you con do more flirting, more "regulor" conversqtion ond
Feel free to contoct us ond let us know how it goes.
Deepening ond stort osking Romontic Questions. You con reoch us: You con probobly sense how oll this fits together ond how il creotes o romontic vibe in your interoctions with women. These ore the vibes thot
you con copitolize on to creole o sexuol relotionship. You need never feel stuck in o conversotion with o womon ogoin.
. o r
vio the web of www.howtrcsucceedwithwomen.com viq emoil ot
[email protected] vio regulor moil qt:
Mostery Technologies, lnc. P.O. Box 55094 Modison, Wl 53705
Ir
uuu
llttll!nl$iliulilu0nil r0lll/hli
?I
)hy
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ore now more women online thon men...ond now more thon ever, mony of these women ore ottroctive ond intelligentl Bui if you don't know where to find these women, or whot to soy to them vio emoil or using instont messoge progroms/ thon you'll never hove the success you ore looking for! This booklet tokes you step by step through finding these women, ond shows you specificolly how to tolk with them when you do.
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The lntemet Seduclion Toolkit costs $l I .95 plus $5.95 Postoge ond Hondling in the USA. lt is not ovoiloble to be shipped outside of the USA, except olong with orders for our oudio courses. lf you wont to order it from outside the USA, pleose purchose the eleckonic, downloodoble version ot www. howtosucceedwithwomen.com/tool kit/i ndex. htm l. Find out more ond order online ot:
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THE MASTERY PROGRAM YOUR SIEP.BY-STEP CPOURSE IN MEETING, FURNNG
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