What To Say When You Talk To Yourself Shad Helmstetter
Overview • Introduction • Brain • Self Management • What It Is Not • Self Talk Techniques • Self Talk In Action • Self Talk Aftertho thoughts
Introduction • Self Self help help boo books ks nev never er last last.. Mos Mostt peo peopl ple e go go back back to their old habits after the novelty wears off • 77% 77% of all all thou though ghts ts are are nega negati tive ve – Conditioned to think of the the worst first & the best last last
• 75% of of ilillness is se self in induced • Duri During ng the the firs firstt 18 18 year years s you you get get 148 148,0 ,000 00 no’s no’s and and maybe a few thousand yes’s • Most Most prob proble lems ms are are per perce ceiv ived ed prob proble lems ms • To mana manage ge you you fut futur ure e you you must must mana manage ge your yourse self lf • Gi Give ve you you brai brain n the the rig right ht dire direct ctio ion n & it it wor works ks well well • We get get neg negat ativ ive e pro progr gram ammi ming ng and and joi join n in in wit with h it it Repe Repeti titi tion on is a con convi vinc ncin ing g arg argum umen entt
Introduction • Tell Tell us about bout the the foll follo owin wing: • 1+4=5 • 3+4=7 • 2+5=6 • 8+1=9 • 2+1=3
Introduction • You You wou would ld have have said said that that one one was was wron wrong g • You You wou would ld not not hav have e sai said d tha thatt 4 wer were e rig right ht
Introduction • What What if from from chil childh dhoo ood d you you were were give given: n: – Extra confidence confidence – Double determination determination – More belief in the outcomes outcomes
• Would you: – Have a better job – Have more money money – Have a different different personal life life
• After all: – It is not the the pen but the the writer – It is not the the road but the the runner
Introduction Your success or failure in anything, large or small, will will depend depend on on your your program programming ming – what what you you accept from others, and what you say when you talk to yourself • • • •
What yo you pu put in in, yo you ge get ou out Luck Luck or or des desir ire e has has the the sli sligh ghte test st thin thing g to do wit with h it it It does does not not mat matte terr if if you you beli believ eve e it it or or not not The The bra brain in simp simply ly bel belie ieve ves s wha whatt you you tel telll it it the the mos mostt – It does not care care whether it it is right or wrong wrong
• What yo you th think, yo you wi will be become ome
Introduction 30 Years of “How To’s” • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
Believe in yourself Keep your priorities straigh ight Take re responsibility for yo yourself Create your own future Focus on what you want Learn to visualise the outcome of your goals Never let anyone contro trol your destiny for you Be creative Think big Control Stress Be aggressive & assertive Think Positively Chart your own course Set sp specific goals & re review them often
• • • • • • • • • • • • •
Spend some time each day improving your mind Review your results and readjust as necessary Be tolerant Do everything with love Don’t hate Have courage Recognise that most of what we believe about life is an illusion Be honest Work hard Believe money is good & it will come to you Have faith If yo you agree to do it, en enjoy it Be strong
Introduction 30 Years of “How To’s” • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
Show affection Manage your time Dress right Learn to sell yourself Take time off Believe in in a “Higher Self” Eat right Live prudently Seek the the aid of others who are in sympathy with your goals Give assistant to others Keep motivated Meditate Be optimistic Trust ot others & be be worthy thy of tru trust Recognise tha that su success is more than money
• • • • • • • • • • • • •
Be kind See the big picture Don’t procrastinate Stay in control Keep fit See problems as “Opportunities” Learn ev everythi thing yo you can ab about your job Don’t be afraid of success Be generous to others Believe in god Reach a littl ttle higher tha than you thought you could set your sights Take action Never give up
Introduction Missing Ingredients • Permanance – There is not not teaching that that taps you every every morning morning saying “remember me?”
• Knowledg edge of the human brain – Work with the the rules of the the brain
• Usab Usable le dir direc ecti tion ons s to pro progr gram am the the sub subco cons nsci ciou ous s mind • Self Self talk talk is the the onl only y thi thing ng tha thatt cov cover ers s all all thre three e • Mind Mind Mana Manage geme ment nt is the the sou sourc rce; e; not not Tim Time e or or any any other Manangment
Bra Br ain - Compu pute terr An Anal alo ogy • Monitor – our ap appearance & actions • Keyboard – input through the senses • Hard Di Disk – everything ing is is permanently stored in our subconscious • If an airp airpla lane ne has has a bad bad pro progr gram am you you wou would ld get off; but in life we life with it • Erase and reprogram • As the the sub subco cons nsci ciou ous s nev never er slee sleeps ps,, it it nee needs ds a lot of repetition to overwrite a bad program
Brain • Thro Through ugh 10s of billi billions ons elect electro ro-ch -chem emica icall switc switche hes s called neuro transmitters it controls the body • Ever Every y tho thoug ught ht tur turns ns int into o an an elec electr troo-ch chem emic ical al signal • Good ne news gi gives us mor more e ene enerrgy • What Whatev ever er thou though ghts ts you you or or oth other ers s put put into into you, you, known or unknown, affect you • If othe others rs can can con contr trol ol us, us, we we are are out out of of con contr trol ol • What yo you learn arn as a ch child you you believ ieve – not musical, not sporty, etc. • Earl Early y belie beliefs fs are are the found foundat ation ion of your your thou thought ghts s today
Brain • Any Any new new tho thoug ught ht is is aut autom omat atic ical ally ly att attac ache hed d to to an old thought to make sense of it • The The mor more e you you thi think nk of of you yours rsel elff in in a cer certa tain in way, way, the more you will think about yourself in that way • The The long longer er you you buy buy into into an idea idea,, the the “tru “truer er”” it is • One One is is not not awar aware e of of neg negat ativ ive e sel selff tal talk k • One One als also o pas passe ses s it it on on to to chi child ldre ren n & othe others rs • Whet Whethe herr you you succ succee eed d or or fai faill it it is is bec becau ause se it is something you did or did not do • Posi Positi tive ve atti attitu tude de can can only only take take you you up to 90% 90% of the way – Negative programming programming is in in the way – Replace it with with positive self self talk
Brain Negative Self Talk • • • • • • • • • • • • •
I can’t remember names It’s going to be another one of those days It is just no use I just know it won’t work Nothing ev ever go goes ri right fo for me me That’s just my luck I’m so clumsy I don’t have the talent I’m just not creative Everythi thing I eat go goes st straight to to my waist I can’t se seem to get organised Today just isn’t my day I’m too shy
• • • • • • • • • • • •
I can never affor ford the things I want I already know I wo won’t lilike it No matter what I do I can’t seem to lose weight I never have enough time I ju just do don’t ha have th the pa patience fo for that That really makes me mad Another blue Monday When will I ever learn I get si sick just th thinking about it it Sometimes I just ha hate myself I’m just no good I never know what to say
Brain Negative Self Talk • • • • • • • • • •
With my luck I don’t have a chance I’d lilike to to st stop sm smoking bu but I can’t seem to quit Things just aren’t working out right for me I don’t have the energy I used to I’m really out of shape I never have any money left over at the end of the month Why should I tr try, it it’s not going to work anyway I’ve never been good at that My desk is always a mess The on only kind of of lu luck I have is is bad luck
• • • • • • • • • • • • •
I never win anything I feel like I am over the hill Someone always beats me to it Nobody likes me I never get a break It seems I am always broke Everything I tou touch tu turns to to bl bleep Nobody wants to pay me what I’m worth Sometimes I wish I’d never been born I’m just no good at math I get so depressed That’s im impossible I hate my job
Self Management Sequence 1.
Behaviour • • •
2.
Directly controls success of failure Means actions We know right & wrong; may do wrong because of…
Feelings •
All feelings affect how you do anything •
•
3.
Getting air sick before you get on on a flight
They are created, controlled, & influenced by…
Attitudes • • •
4.
We have good & bad ones Good ones are essential for any kind of achievement We are not born with them; they come from…
Beliefs • • •
5.
Can make something appear to to be di different than what it is It does not require it to be true They are created & directed en entirely by our…
Programming •
So start with programming!
Self Management Self Talk Levels 1.
Negative Acceptance • • •
2.
I can’t… Most used Biggest foe
Recognition & Need To Change • • •
3.
I need to…; I should… Complete the sentence…”but I will not” Only creates guilt
Decision To Change • • •
4.
I never…; I no longer… Present tense First level that works
The Better You • • •
5.
I am… Forget all the past programming Most effective level
Universal Affirmation •
It is…
Self Management Self Talk Levels • Avoid 1 & 2 – Since it has not worked for you, stop using it
• Focus on 3 & 4 • 5 will will come come auto automa mati tica calllly y afte afterr 3 & 4 • Turn Turn arou around nd any any tal talk k tha thatt can can work work agai agains nstt you
What It Is Not Motivation Myth • Moti Motiva vati tion on work works s when when it is give given n • 90% stops af after ter th the ev event – Old subconscious program takes over ove r
• Exte Extern rna al in inste stead of of in intern terna al • Exte Extern rnal al moti motiva vati tion on is temp tempor orar ary y • When When one one rev rever erts ts,, the there re is wors worse e sel selff tal talk k
What It Is Not Hypnosis • In hypnos pnosis is,, one is pass passiv ive e • Self Self Talk Talk work works, s, whet whethe herr hyp hypno nosi sis s does does or doesn’t • In Self Self Talk Talk,, you you take take resp respon onsi sibi bilility ty – You do with your first & last breath – Why leave out the middle
• In cont contro roll vs. vs. leav leavin ing g it it to to othe others rs
What It Is Not Subliminal Conditioning • Is sublimina inal a placebo? • Subl Sublim imin inal al mess messag ages es do affe affect ct us • Tak Take con control trol of yo your ow own min mind d • You You coul could d use use a bit bit of of hyp hypno nosi sis s or subliminal conditioning, but the Self Talk (control) should come first
What It Is Not Complicated • If it isn’t sn’t sim simple, ple, it will will not not wor work k • Comp Complilica cate ted d self self hel help p is lik like e comp complilica cate ted d home home gyms gyms – neve neverr used used • Norm Normal al dail daily y dis distr trac acti tion ons s mak make e us put put off off sel selff improvement • We have have thre three e res resou ourc rces es;; Tim Time, e, Ener Energy gy & Min Mind d – Even putting aside aside 10 minutes minutes can be hard hard – Lots of energy energy can make things work
• Any Any sel selff imp impro rove veme ment nt has has to to be be sim simpl ple, e, easy easy to use, & must work when put into practice
Self Talk Techniques 1. Silent Self Talk • • •
Easiest to use; good place to start Usually happens Not aware of it
2. Self Speak •
To yourself & to others about you
3. Self Conversation • •
Engages more senses Take counsel with yourself to find answers
4. Self Write • •
On cards or single sheet Writing gets you interested
Self Talk Techniques 5. Tape Talk •
One of the more practical tools for self betterment
•
Easy to use
•
Listen while doing anything
•
Not ac active lilistening; su subconscious lilistening
•
Easier than script writing, or re-reading a book, or studying
•
Immediate external motivation and long term internal motivation
Self Talk In Action • It work works s wher wherev ever er you you are are in life life – Whether you have succeeded succeeded of failed failed so far
• Use Use it to cha chang nge e atti attitu tude des, s, hab habit its, s, old old way ways s that that did not work • Keep it in the present • Expa Expand nd on it – limi limite ted d area areas s have have limi limite ted d resu result lts s • Be sp specific – too ge general do does no not wo work • To chan change ge the the hab habit it,, cha chang nge e the the word words s • Star Startt wit with h the the beli belief ef abou aboutt you yours rsel elf f • Take Take stoc stock k of your your atti attitu tude des, s, keep keep the the good good one ones s – Why does one one bad thing in the morning morning ruin the whole whole day?
Self Talk In Action • Internal motivation – – – –
Everyone needs needs motivation Uses feelings feelings & emotions Carrot & stick stick is desire desire & fear No one can make make you do what what you are not internally motivated to do
• Use in goals – The brain handles handles goals & problems the same • You cann cannot ot solve solve a proble problem m withou withoutt reachi reaching ng an object objective ive
– Both need an objective objective – Goals are not not only large ultimatums • They They are are als also o ever everyd yday ay sma smallll ste steps ps
Self Talk In Action • Situational Se Self Ta Talk – Everyday situations situations you would rather not be in – Need not be in in the present present as it is dealing dealing with the the present – Few seconds can save you you hours of grief grief – It is not a magic magic solution solution for everything, everything, but it does help – Make the best best of less than the best best – Conscious action action over unconscious unconscious reaction reaction – A few minutes of anger can put hours of toxic chemicals chemicals in your body – Use your life’s life’s limited energy energy for yourself yourself – not against
Self Talk In Action • If you you use use it it bef befor ore e you you rea read d a sel selff help help book book,, you yourr mind will be more receptive to the change • Atta Attack ck the subc subcon onsci sciou ous s demot demotiv ivat ator ors s with with vigo vigour ur • Ther There e is a min mind d & body body conn connec ecti tion on • If you you thi think nk it does does not not wor work, k, that that is your your old old programming talking • Make your own tapes – – – – –
Outside voice voice may be be better Repeat the suggestions suggestions 3 times Around 15 to 20 20 minutes At the end repeat repeat them all all with “You” instead of “I” Put music at the last part; part; engages emotions
Self Talk In Action • Practical Tips – Listen to your own Self Talk – Listen to other’s Self Talk – Listen to Media Talk – Write down you 10 most negative Self Talk – Change a few words around to make it positive
Self Talk Afterthoughts • Self Ta Talk Ch Checklist – Is it in the present – Is it specific – Does it work without side effects • Put Put in in a safe safety ty clau clause se
– Is it easy to use – Is it practical – Is it personal & honest – Does it ask enough of you
Self Talk Afterthoughts • • • •
See See the the sepa separa rate te Self Self Talk Talk temp templa late tes s Our Our big biggest est adv advers ersary is us The The mor more e you you use use it, it, the the mor more e you you use use it it Whet Whethe herr you you say say you you can can or or you you can’ can’t, t, you you are right • It may may not not work work if you you sta stand nd in the the mid middl dle e of of a busy road & Self Talk that you are safe – It should result in positive action
• At mini minimu mum, m, it shou should ld stop stop nega negati tive ve Self Self Talk
You are everything that is, Your thoughts, your life, your dreams come true, You are everything you choose to be, You are as unlimited as the endless universe.
Remember, the subconsciou subconscious s is listening…
