verbal_skills_101.pdf

Liu / VERBAL VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 1


VERBAL SKILLS 101: Ten Ways To To Supercharge Supercha rge Your Your Verbal Abilities Abilit ies

by Min Liu

http://www.artofverbalwar.com

© 2017 Art of Verbal War War.. All Rights Reserved.


TABLE OF CONTENTS Chapter 1: Introduction

Introduction How To Use This Book Chapter 2: Ten Ways To Supercharge Your Verbal Abilities

Skill #1: Pathos Skill #2: Value Giving Skill #3: Frames, Framing, & Frame Control Skill #4: It’s Not What You Say, But How You Say It Skill #5: Openness / Authenticity Skill #6: Indirectness Skill #7: Show, Not Tell Skill #8: Pre-Framing Skill #9: Targeting Skill #10: Figurative / Metaphoric Speech Chapter 3: Conclusion

Conclusion About Min Liu Also By Min Liu

Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 4

CHAPTER ONE Introduction "Having knowledge but lacking the ability to express it clearly is no better than never having no ideas at all". -Pericles

INTRODUCTION Inside this book, Verbal Skills 101, you will learn ten ways you can immediately start using to become a more verbally skilled person. By "verbally skilled", I mean being more persuasive, influential, captivating, charming, and likable than the average person. What is becoming verbally skilled worth to you? I can't speak for you, but for me, focusing on developing my verbal skills has been priceless from both a tangible (finances/career/business) and intangible (confidence/charm/social life) perspective. As a corporate lawyer, it was essential for me to develop outstanding verbal skills, but even then I had no idea how much these skills extend into your career and into other things in life. For those people who are truly verbally skilled in this world, I suspect their skills are worth millions of dollars (or even much more) to them. People such as great salesmen or scintillating presenters, entertainers, and other personalities rely on their superior verbal skills every single day to project their best selves to the world. Without these verbal skills, they would be unable to do what they do. Even if you don’t aspire to become wealthy, exceptional verbal skills will benefit you in all other aspects of life, especially in your social life and love life. But, the truth is: While everybody knows how to speak, very few know how to speak so well their verbal skills become a valuable asset. Very few people are verbally skilled, especially to an extent where they can consistently persuade, influence, and charm other people.

On the flip side, if you are not verbally skilled and have verbal skills that are

Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 5 subpar or below average, then this deficiency will undoubtedly become a liability for you in life. Subpar verbal skills, subpar life. You may have the world’s best ideas, products, or services, or you may have so much value to offer to the world and people in general, but if you do not have adequate verbal skills to convey yourself properly, no one will ever know, as Pericles himself has pointed out. Some, but very few, people are born verbally skilled, but that’s okay. No matter where you are right now in your verbal abilities, it is my belief that the rest of us can learn to become more verbally skilled than we are now. By adopting the right habits and learning the right skills, we can become verbally skilled. Unfortunately, we never learned these particular skills in high school (or college) English class. Even if you paid attention in English class, which I admittedly never did, and even if you loved your English teachers, I promise that you will not have learned the things you will now learn in this book. I have taken classes in public speaking, debate, and communication skills in my many years of school that never taught the skills you are about to learn. I find it surprising (or maybe I shouldn’t anymore) that these formal education classes do not focus on the things that matter most. This is completely unacceptable. This book is all about giving you an introduction to the high leverage verbal skills that make a difference.

If you’re reading this right now, I want to applaud you for your ambition, desire, self-love, and your foresight to invest in yourself. Most people’s education ends right after high school or college, and yet they wonder why their careers become stale and their personal development non-existent.


As the founder of The Art of Verbal War, where people learn to excel in verbal skills, my raison d'etre (and obsession) is to teach people how to become verbally skilled, so with no further ado about nothing, here are ten (but certainly not the only) ways to supercharge your verbal skills. To winning, Min ——————————————— SUBSCRIBE to my YouTube channel, The Art of Verbal War, where people learn to EXCEL at verbal skills at www.youtube.com/artofverbalwar CONNECT with me on Facebook at www.facebook.com/artofverbalwar or on Twitter at www.twitter.com/artofverbalwar READ MORE about verbal skills, power, persuasion, and influence at my blog at www.artofverbalwar.com/blog CHECK OUT my other books at www.artofverbalwar.com/books and my courses at www.artofverbalwar.com/courses VIEW my resources page where I recommend some other verbal skills resources at www.artofverbalwar.com/resources SEND ME A MESSAGE at [email protected] ———————————————

Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 7 How To Use This Book Just a quick note about how to use this book. Verbal Skills 101 is just an introduction to ten verbal skills that I believe every person must develop on their journey towards excelling in verbal skills and becoming a verbal god (or verbal goddess). Think of the ten skills in this book as a ten-course tasting menu at a Michelin starred restaurant, and think of me as your waiter talking you through each of these ten bite-sized plates.

You won’t be getting full portions of any of these ten dishes, but merely a taste. Each taste will leave an impression on you, but it won’t fill you up. After enjoying this tasting menu of verbal skills, you will know which courses you want to order more of. You may already be strong in certain areas, and that’s fantastic. Sometimes, when I eat one of those ten-course Michelin meals they are surprisingly too big, and so I have to ask to skip a course or two. You can go ahead and do that with this book if you think there are areas you don’t need to learn about. However, you may not be as strong in other areas, so after you finish reading this book, you will know which of those areas you will need further study and development in. And, even if you’re strong in any particular skill, there may still be things that you do not know about that skill and/or you want to become stronger in. As such, you are welcome to back to my “restaurant” and order “a la carte”. Click these links to check out my books and courses on verbal skills. And, just like sometimes when I go to a fancy restaurant and don’t get enough food to eat and I end up having to grab a cheeseburger afterwards, don’t forget to check out my resources page for other recommended resources to help

Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 8 bolster those of your verbal skills that you want to learn more about. It is my hope that this ten-course tasting meal whets your appetite to become even more verbally skilled than you are already. Unlike a Michelin star dinner which only stays with you on your belly, the benefits and rewards to improving your verbal skills are truly endless and enduring.


CHAPTER TWO Ten Ways To Supercharge Your Verbal Skills #1: Pathos "When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudice and motivated by pride and vanity." -Dale Carnegie

Let’s start with one of the most crucial levers in the field of persuasion, influence, and charm. Believe it or not, the verbally skilled do not converse in a logical manner as much as you think when speaking with or persuading others. They are not, as you would think, creatures of logic, overflowing with reason and analytical powers. They are not robotic and lawyer-like in the way they think, persuade, and influence. In conversation, nothing is as boring and mood killing to other people as stone cold logical conversations. And in a persuasive attempt, sheer logic is almost never enough. Not even close to enough. The most verbally skilled people know that they have to evoke emotions when they attempt to connect with or persuade others. Have you ever had a conversation with someone who was stone cold logical and didn’t you feel like you would rather poke your eyeballs out than to continue that painful conversation? So, in a conversation (especially social ones), try to focus on topics that elicit some kind of emotion, instead of boring, rote, and logical topics. Even if you are on a mundane topic, you can infuse a conversation with energy and evoke emotions. Three emotions that always work well are excitement, laughter, and intrigue. Here is a list of emotions that the philosopher Aristotle

Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 10 suggested as emotional triggers people respond to: • • • • • • •

anger and calmness; friendship and enmity; fear and confidence; shame and shamelessness; kindness and unkindness; pity and indignation; envy and emulation.

In persuasion, your aim is to find and use something (in addition to logic) that will move the other person emotionally. You want to gain an understanding of the emotions that the people you are trying to persuade are pre-disposed to. To help you do that you need to know the answers to three questions: 1. What is the other person’s state of mind? 2. To whom is their emotion directed? 3. Why do they feel the way they do? Once you know the answer to these questions, then it becomes easier to know how to persuade them emotionally. Now, this is not to say that logic is never necessary in conversations or persuasive attempts. You can think of logic as a powerful gun, but emotion is the trigger that makes that powerful gun fire. You need logic as a setup, but in order to truly sway or move people, you must engage their emotions first. Even in the field of flirting, guys who think they can convince a woman to like them by telling them why they should like them are sorely misguided and mistaken. Trust me: Only when you engage and even play with a woman’s emotions can you be successful. This is definitely no revolutionary idea. I certainly did not come up with this idea, but I am here to remind you not to overestimate logic, and do not underestimate the power of emotion. Aristotle was the first to write about the three means to persuade: logos, ethos, and pathos. This is what Aristotle wrote about these three means: “Of the modes of persuasion furnished by the spoken word, there are three kinds. Persuasion is achieved by the speaker’s personal character when the speech was so spoken as to make us think him credible. Secondly, persuasion may come through the

Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 11 hearers, when the speech stirs their emotions. Thirdly, persuasion is effected through the speech itself when we have proved a truth or an apparent truth by means of the persuasive arguments suitable to the case in question .”

Stirring emotions, as Aristotle wrote, is called “pathos”. Make sure you take full advantage of and use pathos!

Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 12 #2: Value Giving “The value of a man should be seen in what he gives.” -Albert Einstein

When you are interacting with someone else (whether for the first time or for the hundredth time) always focus on “giving value”. By this, I mean taking the lead in conversations with others. Have something interesting to say, and bring fun and energy to conversations. Don't be someone who just "seeks value", i.e. ask the other person endless (and mostly directionless) questions or seek information from them. There are too many of these types of people in the world, and I don’t want you to be one of them. There is nothing worse than having to be around a value leech detraction from every social interaction or conversation you are a part of. One my friends from my childhood had this very bad habit, and when he became an adult and wanted me to introduce my friends, especially my lady friends, to him, I had to think many times before doing that because I knew he would engage them in this manner and drive them away (or turn them off). Guess if I ended up doing as he asked? Worse yet, don’t be a wallflower with nothing to say and no value to give others. Offer information, fun, something of interest, your opinion, or anything before you try to seek information from others. By developing your verbal skills, especially conversational skills, you will be always have the skills to offer value to others in conversation. As a start, check out my free report "Conversation 101" if you want to take the first step on this journey

Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 13 #3: Frames, Framing, & Frame Control “Cinema is a matter of what’s in the frame and what’s out.” -Martin Scorsese

A “frame” is a perspective through which the world or a certain thing is viewed. Framing is using frames to control a given narrative, conversation, discussion, argument, or even verbal confrontation. Learning how to use frames to your advantage, i.e. what I call “frame control”, is a very important verbal skill that many people are not even aware of, let alone something they learn to use.

Let me give you an example of how important frames are to controlling a discussion: When George W. Bush was President, a Republican Party strategist wrote a memo (which was subsequently leaked) that advised President Bush to frame the issue of global warming as “climate change” instead of “global warming”. The reason behind this subtle shift was because the phrase “climate change” sounds a lot less scary than the phrase “global warming”, and therefore, makes the entire issue seem less urgent, less dramatic, and much more innocuous. This is an example of skillfully framing an issue, and to a large extent, the phrase “climate change” has stuck in the minds of the general public and organizations

Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 14 advocating positions on both sides, and so rightly or wrongly, it was a successful campaign and frame control exercise. Here’s another example: A few years back, the late Steve Jobs faced a crisis at Apple when the word came out that the then-current iPhone had serious antenna problems. Steve Jobs controlled the frame when he gave an emergency press conference and shifted the frame from a problem specific to his company’s phone to all mobile phones. "We didn't think it would be a big problem because EVERY phone has this issue," Jobs declared. The moral of the story here is that you need to start becoming very aware of the frames that people may be using against you without you realizing, and you also need to start taking advantage of using frames and frame control to achieve your persuasion and influence goals. How you frame a particular issue or confrontation will make all the difference. One quick tip about frame control for you before I close this section: A basic principle for frame control is to never use the other person’s (or side’s) language. During the Watergate scandal, Richard Nixon proclaimed “I am not a crook”. This was exactly the wrong thing to do, as everybody else had already viewed him in the “crook” frame. By refuting this assertion directly, he ended up letting the frame swallow him alive, and we all know what happened after that. If you want to learn how to master frame control, my course Verbal Domination may be of interest to you.


Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 16 #4: It’s Not What You Say But How You Say It “Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.” -Anonymous

In my book “Vocal Superstar: How To Develop A High Status Voice”, I wrote about the many times as a corporate lawyer I’ve been approached by lawyers and law firms who wanted me to hire them to help with various projects or litigation for my company, a Fortune 500 company. And 110 times out of 100 (yes, that is no typo), their credentials, experience, and skills were impeccable, yet indistinguishable. This gave me quite the headache as it always felt like a Herculea3n task to separate the wheat from the chaff, so to say. Not one of my favorite activities to do as a corporate lawyer. However, every once in a while, there would be some lawyer who I interviewed that also had impeccable, yet indistinguishable credentials, but who had that extra something special. What was that something special? That special thing was a speaking voice and vocal presentation style that stood out like a leather jacket wearing rockstar in a sea of grey suits. Guess who would get hired?

Of course, at the end of the day, it is hard to say if these lawyers who got hired were really any better lawyers than the others, but they sure knew how to stand out and project an undeniable aura of competence.

Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 17 What I’m trying to say is that often times, it is not WHAT you say but HOW you say it that makes all the difference. It is malpractice for me to talk about verbal skills without talking about the non-content part of having outstanding verbal skills, I.e. non-verbal communications and vocal tonality. The speaking voice and vocal presentation style of the lawyers who stood out from the crowd were immediately captivating and persuasive. Again, it wasn’t WHAT they were saying, but HOW they were saying it that grabbed my attention, and which I am sure grabs the jury and judge’s attention every single time. I’m not going into detail about this idea in this book, but at a high level, if you want to captivate others in the way you speak, and if you want to stand out from the crowd, then one of the most important things you must learn is to speak with VARIETY in your tone, speed, pitch, and delivery. Furthermore, you also want to train your speaking voice to maximize its natural tonality so that it naturally sounds more persuasive and captivating. The way you do this is by finding your most natural pitch range. Surprisingly, it is not by making your voice lower, especially if it is unnaturally lower. This is how you maximize your natural vocal tonality. A monotone delivery using an unnatural vocal tonality will fail you to deliver you to the promised land in the field of verbal skills, persuasion, influence, and charm. If you want to learn more about vocal tonality, vocal presentation, and maximizing your speaking voice, and therefore, stand out from the crowd, check out my book, Vocal Superstar.

Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 18 #5: Openness / Authenticity “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” - Brene Brown

This is one of the most underrated verbal skills, and a difficult thing to do for some people (including myself). I struggle with it constantly. What I mean by openness, is the habit of talking to others in a way that reveals oneself, sharing details about your inner thoughts. It may even involve disclosing intimate details (in a socially intelligent way of course) about yourself. It's been shown in many studies that people who are more open are judged as being more charismatic. In the business world, being open, candid, and honest about your weaknesses or things you have done incorrectly can build trust with potential customers, business partners, and others. Being honest and open can make others more open to receiving your message, and as a result, it helps make you more persuasive. Warren Buffett, the greatest investor in history, is well known for being open, candid, and honest in his shareholder letters and meetings about the mistakes he has made. None of this has hurt in, and in fact, has helped him gain the trust of his shareholders. I know that hiding your flaws or weaknesses is a human instinct and being open about them can feel very unnatural. You don’t have to volunteer all of your flaws and weaknesses from the very beginning, but try your best to fight that instinct to cover them up. Reveal slight vulnerabilities or slightly embarrassing things naturally over time with other people when they make sense, and you will find that other people will come to trust you more than they already do. By you doing this, they will also see your self-confidence shine through since someone who lacks selfconfidence could never do this, and instead, spends all their time trying to make themselves look “cool”. When revealing things about yourself, try to characterize them in a way that almost make them “cool”, i.e. cool vulnerabilities. For example, you may find out that another person that you respect was previously a juvenile delinquent. When you find that out, at the right time of course, it doesn’t actually turn you off about them, it actually makes them more

Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 19 interesting. It ends up giving them more dimension as a person. I’m not suggesting you go shoplifting at a candy store or anything like that, but what I am saying is reveal your flaws and weaknesses strategically with others and learn how to reframe them in a way that turns a weakness into a strength. Again, if you want to take the first step towards improving your conversation skills, including learning how to make use of “cool vulnerabilities”, click HERE to check out my free “Conversation 101” report.

Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 20 #6: Indirectness “In all fighting, the direct method may be used for joining battle, but indirect methods will be needed in order to secure victory.” -Sun Tzu

I talk extensively about the concept of indirectness in many of my courses because it is THAT important. Indirectness is not only important in actual war and verbal war, but it is one of the main pillars of having superior verbal skills. Indirectness is not an optional technique; it is a foundation pillar upon which exceptional verbal skills is built. Without it, you cannot hope to excel. Let me say it again: Indirect speech is extremely important. Here are some examples of indirect speech to show you why: "We count on you to show leadership in our campaign. ” -> Translation: “We want your money .” "Come up and check out my record collection. ” -> Translation: Sexual come-on. These are examples of an "indirect speech act”. Socially intelligent know not to say what they mean to say directly when there are high stakes. Instead, they "veil" their meaning when necessary, and hope the other person will read between the lines. Socially intelligent people also know to read between the lines and look for indirect speech being used. By using "indirect speech" instead of explicit/direct speech, the other person can "reject" the proposition and still maintain the relationship. If instead, these things were said directly, then there is no way for the person speaking to "save face" or the the listener to turn down a request without potentially damaging the relationship. If you want to be socially intelligent, it's very important to learn how to be indirect both as a speaker and as a recipient (by always being aware of indirect speech acts that others may be using). There are other types of indirectness that are extremely important and powerful in verbal skills, such as in metaphoric or figurative speech. If you want to learn more about indirect metaphors, one of the top three most important types of metaphors and arguably, the most important type, check out my course Master of Metaphor. For a free preview of Master of Metaphor, click HERE. There is also one other type of indirectness that lends itself to something that many people aspire to, which is wit. A lot of people are confused about what “wit” is, even though they know they want to have it.

Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 21 Wit is the ability to say, in any given moment, that which is unexpected yet also within the context of a particular conversation or discussion. That was a lot of words, but what I mean by that is the wittiest people rarely say what you expect them to say in any given moment, and that is why we perceive them to be witty. This is what I also call “indirectness”. Witty people do not respond to what other people say directly. Instead, they respond to other people indirectly. Let me give you a simple example of wit: When people see each other, they tend to say “Hi, how are you doing?” This conversation happens a billion times a day around the world. No wit. No interest. No connection. Just extremely mundane. Someone who is witty doesn’t say hello in the same way other people do. Instead of saying “hi”, a person who uses indirectness, i.e. wit, would say “Well, if it isn’t the entire Ya Ya Sisterhood” when encountered with a group of women. You are saying the same thing as “hi”, but you are saying it indirectly, and you are saying something nobody expects. Here’s another example: If somebody asked you about a traumatizing event: “How are you feeling about that?” Instead of responding “I’m doing okay”, you could respond by saying: “I’m finding out that they’re doing some amazing things with therapy these days”. Do you see how that’s indirect and witty?

Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 22 #7: Show, Not Tell “Guns and politeness are much more effective than politeness alone.” –Vladimir Putin

The Putin quote above is a bit absurd, but if there is nothing else you remember from this book, I want you to remember these two sayings: “Show, Not Tell.” or “Don’t Tell Me, Show Me. ” You may have heard these two phrases before. No, I'm not talking about the "show and tell" everyone had to do in elementary school. I am talking about the formula to persuading and influencing others. What "Show, Not Tell" means is that whenever you are trying to persuade someone of something or merely communicating information, you don't want to just TELL them. Instead, you need to SHOW them. Telling people what you want them to believe is not enough. The most verbally skilled people know to "show" as an ingrained habit. Words are not enough, actionable proof is much better. Just like in Putin’s world, politeness is not enough. If you want someone to do something, you need to bring out the big guns. In the world of persuasion and influence, showing is bringing out the big guns. So, what do I mean by "showing"? Here's an example: Say you're trying to convince someone that smoking is bad for their health. You can tell them that "Smoking kills 500 people a month". That's fine, but it’s not particularly attention grabbing. Or, you can show them by saying "Smoking kills over two jumbo jets full of people a month".


The former is telling, the latter is showing. In this particular example, I used the technique of providing a specific, interesting, and vivid detail to show what it is I was trying to tell. There are other great ways to SHOW as well, such as using metaphor, among others. Metaphoric speech is a “big gun” all to itself. If you want to learn how to master metaphoric speaking, check out my course Master of Metaphor, and also check out Tip #10 later in this book. Implementing this one very crucial verbal skill is most one of the most important and necessary steps that you must take if you want to become a verbal god (or verbal goddess).

Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 24 #8: Pre-Framing “What we present first changes the way people experience what we present to them next.” “The main purpose of speech is to direct listeners’ attention to a selected sector of reality.” -Robert Cialdini

In a prior section, I wrote about “frames” and “framing”. This section is about yet a different kind of framing, called pre-framing. Pre-framing is an advanced verbal skill that I was not aware of until I started paying attention to verbally skilled people around me and in this world. Pre-framing is a powerful and simple tool that can influence the results in get in every situation and experience you have. Most recently, a bestselling book called “Pre-suasion” by Robert Cialdini was released which was virtually all about this tool! In a nutshell, before you try to persuade or influence others, you will be much more effective if you create the ideal conditions for the other person to be persuaded. There are many ways to create these ideal conditions, but preframing is one method to create such conditions. Specifically, pre-framing is where you create in your own and others’ minds how a particular situation, interaction, experience, meeting, interview, and so on will be, through the use of short and concise throwaway lines called “preframes”. For example, if you are trying to influence someone to come to a particular conclusion, you want to word your pre-frames in a way that indicates the conclusion is a fait accompli before you attempt to convince them of the conclusion you are trying to reach. Here are some examples of pre-framing statements/pre-frames: “Let’s meet all of our objectives by the end of the meeting.” “I know that we will all listen to each other here today.” “I know that by the end of the workday, you will have achieved all of your objectives.”

Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 25 “As we all listen closely to each other, we will all learn from each other.” “As we all focus on the goals of the business, we will have a very successful month.” “Just by us choosing to work together today makes we want to take action.” “Because we have listened to each other, we will stay focused and all of our needs will be met.” “Everyone here has something to contribute to the interaction.” “Because we all pitch in to meet the deadline, it will be easy to meet.”

There is no right or wrong way to pre-frame. You just want to call attention to your desired outcome or desired behavior using your pre-frame statement before you try to achieve an outcome or behavior. By putting others’ attention to the desired outcome or behavior, you maximize your chances of achieving the outcome you want. There are also other ways to use pre-framing such as in discussing difficult or sensitive topics. For example, it is socially intelligent to announce to others (by pre-framing) when you are about to tell them something they may not want to hear. Here's an example of how you could pre-frame a sensitive topic: ”I'll get off my soapbox right after this, but ...[insert sensitive topic] .” This pre-frame puts someone into the frame of mind to receive the discussion. There is also a verbal technique called the "sandwich technique" which is used when delivering bad news. The way it works is that you deliver a piece of good news first, then you deliver the bad news, and then you close by delivering another piece of good news. The two "slices" of good news ends up wrapping the piece of bad news and lessening it's impact. The first piece of good news is...yes, you guessed it, a way to pre-frame. There are many ways to use pre-framing and if you want to learn more about this powerful technique, check out my course Verbal Domination.

Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 26 #9 Targeting By my twenties, I would relish the challenge of chaste maids and the search for the correct combination of words required to decode their moral resistance.” -Russell Brand

“Targeting” means simply to know at all times who you are talking to or dealing with. You can learn all the verbal skills in the world, but if you don’t tailor your approach to the person, then you are not maximizing your skills or your ability to persuade and influence others. Just like the “chaste maids” that Russell Brand tried to court, every single person has a certain way they like or need to be persuaded, influenced, or charmed. And, if you aspire to become a verbal god (or verbal goddess), you need to be aware of and take advantage of this very important fact. For example, my best friend from law school is somebody who must be persuaded using stone, cold logic (a “thinker”). In arguing with him over a million things, I have learned that he doesn’t fall prey to or use cognitive biases in his decision making that other people tend to use, so if I want to persuade him of something, I have to painstakingly find evidence and then make a logical argument in order to convince him. Ironically, what I have found out is that he’s more susceptible to believing news, whether it’s real or not, as long as he believes there is some objective source out there reporting certain “information”. My mom, on the other hand, is a completely emotional decision maker (a “feeler”). If I want to convince her of something, I know I need to stoke a little bit of fear, especially fear or loss, or mention that one of her friends or someone she respects has done something. If she hears that, she’ll immediately be triggered to do what that other person does. My point here is that you always need to understand who you are dealing with. While I don’t condone manipulating other people, I do believe that if you want to help others do what’s best for them, you have to know how to push their buttons (and what buttons to push) in a way that that helps you achieve the result that helps them the most. In dealing with other people, you need to understand whether they are “thinkers” or “feelers”. Some people are a combination of both, but my point is that you need to know who you are dealing with. I will say that in my experience, most people though value emotion over rationality. Of course, the dimensions of people are not as simplistic as “thinkers” versus “feelers”. There are many other dimensions of people that we should seek to

Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 27 understand. Now, there are a lot of personality type systems out there that can help you learn how to type people. Here are a few prominent ones that you can learn more about on your own time: • • • •

MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) Big Five Enneagram / Enneagram of Personality DISC

As you can see there are many personality typing systems. And believe it or not, there are quite a few others than the ones listed here! Having said that, the system you use or learn isn’t what’s important here. What’s important is that become acutely aware of the people you interact with and their own specific personalities, and that you remember to always tailor and target your approach towards each of them. I promise that learning to type the people you interact with and tailoring your persuasion and influence approaches to them specifically will pay massive dividends. When it feels like you are just bashing your head in repeatedly when trying to persuade or influence someone, it probably means you have not hit on the right triggers or pushed the correct buttons for that person. Take a step back and figure out what kind of person they are, and how they would prefer to be persuaded or influenced.

Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 28 #10: Figurative / Metaphoric Speech “Metaphors are much more tenacious than facts.” -Paul De Man “Metaphors have a way of holding the most truth in the least space.” -Orson Scott Card

In a previous section, I wrote about the essential concept of “showing, not telling” and I strongly emphasized that this skill was a “must learn”. You won’t go far in this world if you don’t learn to show people and not tell people. In the realm of “showing, not telling”, while there are many ways to “show”, metaphoric or figurative speech is the showiest of them all. Literal speech is literally telling, and metaphoric speech is the best way to avoid telling, and instead be showing. Most people try to persuade and influence others using literal speech, and they have no idea why their persuasive attempts fall flat. I too have been frustrated too many times by my forays into literal language, and it was not until I discovered the true power of metaphoric speech when my own verbal skills, especially persuasion skills, became supercharged. There really is no way to truly become great at persuasion and influence if you are not also great at metaphoric speech. It is said that “If you want to change the world, then change the metaphor ”. Here’s an example: At the start of the “Space Race”, President John F. Kennedy announced that the United States was going to be at the front of the movement by famously saying: “ America has tossed its cap over the wall of space !” This metaphor of “tossing its cap” was Kennedy’s declaration that the US was going all in order to make the world’s first successful trip to the moon, and this metaphoric declaration allowed him to gain the support he needed to spend US taxpayer money on the space program that he did not have prior to the speech. And, the rest is history. There are also many examples of history altering metaphors. Now, you may not have grand aspirations to make history, but on a smaller scale, becoming masterful at metaphoric speech will immediately make you more persuasive and influential with the people around you. This is not a course on metaphors, but let me share with you a three-step

Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 29 process from my course on metaphoric speech, Master of Metaphor, to immediately make your own mundane metaphors more masterful: Let's say you are trying to come up with a metaphor for someone is cheap. What is the first mundane metaphor you can think of to describe someone like that? Let's go with "He's a regular old Scrooge", which is a reference to one of the most famous cheapasses in literature. At this point, this is just a mundane metaphor. It gets the point across, but it’s nothing special, and it certainly makes little impact. So, how do we make this mundane metaphor better? Here are the three steps: Step 1: Make More Vivid/Detailed The first step in rehabilitating a tired metaphor is to give it the metaphoric equivalent of a Red Bull energy drink, which is to make the metaphor more vivid and detailed. People just tend to stop much too early when developing a metaphor and they settle for mediocrity far too often. So, in this first step, “He's a regular old Scrooge" becomes "He's such a cranky, penny-pinching, miserly Scrooge". Okay, this is slightly better. Step 2: Make It Even More Vivid/Exaggerated Now, in this second step, you are going to make the already better metaphor even better by adding even more detail and maybe even some exaggeration: ”He's such cranky, a penny-pinching, miserly Scrooge" becomes "He's so cranky, penny-pinching, and miserly even Scrooge can't stand him/it". Step 3: Make It Active In this third step, you are going to change the metaphor from one where the character is static to one where the character is in action. Just like what you learned in English class, active voice is better than passive voice, an active metaphor is always better than a static metaphor. So, ”He's so cranky and penny pinching even Scrooge can't stand him/it" becomes "Even Scrooge detests him so much, Scrooge is going to arrange for the Ghost of Christmas Past to pay him a visit." Now, this mundane metaphor is already much better, but there are other ways you can take it from here that you can learn in my course Master of Metaphor.

Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 30 For a free preview of Master of Metaphor, click HERE.


CHAPTER THREE Conclusi on CONCLUSION Thank you for reading Verbal Self Defense 101! I hope you enjoyed the “tasting meal” I just served you. More importantly, I hope you start working on these ten skills and making them habits for yourself. I promise you that the deliberate practice and use of these skills will pay massive dividends over time.

Now, don’t think that your education in verbal skills ends today. Again, this is just an introduction, an appetizer of sorts, to developing and excelling in verbal skills. In order to truly excel in verbal skills, you will need to deepen your knowledge of each of tthe areas laid out in this book, and also acquire other verbal skills, such as wit, storytelling, verbal fluency, and others. For further study, check out my books and courses (also listed at the end of this book) and also check out my Resources page where I list out some other

Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 32 resources on various verbal skills topics that I recommend. I will be constantly updating this page with resources as I discover them. Best wishes to you on your journey towards becoming a verbal god (or verbal goddess)! To winning, Min Liu NEXT STEPS ——————————————— SUBSCRIBE to my YouTube channel, The Art of Verbal War, where people learn to EXCEL at verbal skills at www.youtube.com/artofverbalwar CONNECT with me on Facebook at www.facebook.com/artofverbalwar or on Twitter at www.twitter.com/artofverbalwar READ MORE about verbal skills, power, persuasion, and influence at my blog at www.artofverbalwar.com/blog CHECK OUT my other books at www.artofverbalwar.com/books and my courses at www.artofverbalwar.com/courses VIEW my resources page where I recommend some other verbal skills resources at www.artofverbalwar.com/resources SEND ME A MESSAGE at [email protected] ———————————————

Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 33 ABOUT MIN LIU

Min Liu is a corporate lawyer, Amazon #1 bestselling author, and the founder of The Art of Verbal War, where people learn to EXCEL in verbal skills. Based in San Francisco, CA, Min's burning ambition is to teach like-minded people how to give their gifts and value to the world by helping them become EXCEPTIONAL in verbal skills, persuasion, influence and power. In the words of his readers, he's the "older brother you've never had", and as a real-life big brother himself, his mission is to show you the ropes in all the things school never taught you. He's especially aroused by basketball, meditation, reading books on psychology and inspirational people, people who are value givers, and most of all, constantly breaking out of his comfort zone and helping others break out of theirs. On the other hand, he despises value suckers, mediocre mindsets, and most of all, wearing sweaters. Media, speaking, one-to-one coaching requests, or other inquiries can be sent to [email protected].

Liu / VERBAL SKILLS 101 / 34 ALSO BY MIN LIU BOOKS PEOPLE GAMES AT WORK The definitive guide to dealing with workplace bullying and power games at work THE KING’S MINDSET: TWENTY MINDSETS TO TRANSFORM ORDINARY MEN INTO KINGS The ambitious man’s “roadmap” to extraordinary success in life VERBAL SELF DEFENSE 101 An introduction to verbal self-defense and dealing with verbal attacks and insults THE NEW ART OF BEING RIGHT: 38 WAYS TO WIN AN ARGUMENT IN TODAY’S WORLD A reimagined version of Arthur Schopenhauer’s “Art of Being Right”, a playbook of strategies and tactics to help you win arguments and debates in today’s complicated society VOCAL SUPERSTAR: HOW TO DEVELOP A HIGH STATUS VOICE Learn ten steps to develop a high status voice that will increase your influence and authority PEOPLE GAMES: THE TEN MOST COMMON POWER PLAYS AND MIND GAMES THAT PEOPLE PLAY Learn how to defend yourself from mind games and power plays THE HIGH VALUE MAN: PRINCIPLES OF POSITIVE MASCULINITY Learn how to become a “man in demand” To learn more about the books and other books: www.artofverbalwar.com/books COURSES

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