Ultimate Guide to Handling Shit Tests 50 Cool Comebacks to Drive Her Wild!!! By Artisan
Table of Contents
Why Do Women Test Men? She Will Test You Until You’re Dead Basic Principles Ways of Handling Congruency Tests I Have a Boyfriend I Don’t Give Out My Number I Have to Go Bitchiness and Blowouts Insults General Questions AMOG Non-Verbal Non-Compliance (rejects your kiss) Random Jumping Through Her Hoops Free Resources, Texting Girls and Personal Coaching
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Why Do Women Test Men? There are 3 main reasons a woman will “test” a man.
#1. She has a legitimate reason She may actually have a boy friend or she may actually really be in a hurry and needs to get back to her friends. Not all women just make up excuses. A lot of them really do have other things going on that are more important than talking to you or giving out her number. So just deal with it and except it. Don’t be butt-hurt, instead be genuinely happy for her that she has a boyfriend. Remember, abundancy mentality!
#2. Defense system (aka bitch shield) Beautiful women get approached all the time. Especially out at night when lame guys have liquid courage. Could you imagine how annoying that must get? Women need a defense system to weed out the guys that aren’t worth their time. So, if a girl backturns you at a bar, it might just be her defense system at work. If you can interrupt her defense pattern in such a way that shows you are unaffected by her behavior then you are ‘in’ and it will actually (most of the time) make her attracted to you.
#3. She’s interested in you and wants to test for congruency Have you ever thought that she might actually be into you and she just wants to make sure you’re not full of shit!? That’s right, she might be testing to see if you’re really as cool/confident as you seem. The best way to find out for sure is to do or say something that will try to throw you off your game. If you aren’t thrown off by her test, then the attraction will skyrocket. If, however, you get offended or seem affected by what she did or said, you will lose attraction. A good example of failing her congruency test is you go in for a kiss and she turns her head and you respond with, “hey what’s wrong I thought you liked me?” GAME OVER.
Whatever the reason is that she gives you an objection does matter so much. What matters is how you handle it. All you really have to do is…. NOT BE AFFECTED.
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She Will Test You Until You’re Dead Women test men for life. Yes, that’s right. It never ends. Well, until you are dead that is. Even in a relationship. Even when you are married. Your women will still test you. WHY? Because, it’s her way of feeling your strength and power as a man. She’s a woman and she wants to feel your masculine strength. It turns her on. One reason so many relationships fail is because the man responds the wrong way to a woman when she just wants to feel his strength. Instead the man gets mad and is affected by her. Don’t be mad or upset that a woman is testing you. She is doing you a favor. She wants you to be a man. She wants you to be masculine. She wants you to be confident and unaffected. She wants you to be her rock. Overcoming a “shit test” is the fastest way to spark high levels of attraction and arousal in a woman because it shows you are a real man. So next time a woman gives you a test you should be excited because she just wants to feel your masculine power as a man so she can be more attracted to you. Learn to love the shit test. In fact, from here on out we are no longer calling them “shit tests”, we are calling them “congruency tests”. Why? Because, congruency tests sound like a good thing!
Basic Principles
#1. Don’t be affected by her congruency test Nothing a woman says or does should throw you off because you are a sold man. You are like a rock. Nothing can break you, not even a woman telling you to “fuck off!” Nothing phases you because you are a high value man who gets his worth and value from himself…not some random girl at a club. Be non reactive when a random beautiful woman says something that surprises you because you really don’t care about her that much. She hasn’t done anything to win your approval yet so why would you care if she says something unexpected or mean? I have one word for you….“ignore”.
#2. Managing tension Women love tension. Think about it, women love drama right? Drama is tension. When a woman seduces a man does she just tear at him like a savage beast? Well, maybe in porno. No, she teases him, makes him think she’s gonna take her panties off but then she pulls them back up. She creates tension.
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Men, however, generally want to release tension. When a woman tests us it creates tension and most men have the tendency to break the tension right away. Instead, have fun with the tension. Amplify the tension. Dance with the tension. And introduce more tension. An example would be when a girl says, “I have a boyfriend” and you respond by looking her straight in the eyes and say, “and now you also have a lover….shhh we won’t tell him.”
#3. Do the unexpected She’s expecting you to give up….so don’t give up you fool! Do what she doesn’t expect like go in for a kiss. She says, “I have a boyfriend” and you say, “well that deserves a hug.” Think she’d expect that? Doing or saying something she doesn’t expect breaks her set pattern or routine and creates attraction.
Ways of Handling Congruency Tests
#1. Ignore anything that doesn’t help you Why would you talk about ANYTHING that isn’t going to serve the pick up? EXAMPLES: Her: “I have to go” You: “Oh That reminds me…” You: “Cool tattoo, what does that tattoo mean?” Her: “I got it when my fiancé died” You: “What does that other tattoo mean?” Note: You are actually doing her a favor because she doesn’t want to talk about how her fiancé died!
#2. Agree and Absurdify You never want to logically get in an argument with her. That just plain isn’t attractive. Instead, agree with it because that’s not what she’d expect. And then blow it out of proportion because it’s funny and humor can diffuse almost any situation! EXAMPLES:
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Her: “I don’t give out my number.” You: “Of course you don’t, we’ll just have to use telepathy” Her: “I don’t give out my number” You: “It’ll be ok, I’m just gonna call you 50 times a day” (a guy who really calls a girl 50 times a day would never admit it) Her: turns her back on you You: “You do that so well. I have a little sister and she gets hit on all the time so you have to teach me so I can show her. Is it like this?” (Turn in such a way that makes fun of her) Her: “No I can’t go with you” You: “My God, how refreshing...Someone who can say no... So many people have trouble saying no...they give all those lame excuses like….” Her: “I have a boyfriend” You: “Of course but I’m from the boyfriend replacement agency and I’m sorry to inform you that he’s broken up with you”
BONUS: NLP Formula for Agree and Absurdify (credit Vince Kelvin) Step 1: Agreement - Talk about what “is”. - Use “I understand…” or “of course…” EXAMPLE: “I understand you don’t give your number away…” or “of course you have a boyfriend…”
Step 2: Negation - Talk about what “isn’t”. - Use “and its not like…” EXAMPLE: “And its not like I’m asking you to passionately make out with me” EXAMPLE: “ And its not like we’re going to have hot passionate sex all night long…”
Step 3: Suggestions - Talk about “how” it isn’t - Use positive statements “…make out passionately…” EXAMPLE: “…start to hang out just like lovers, and make out passionately…”
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Step 4: Negotiation - Talk about how it could be. - Use “but if we did…” or “but if you would…” EXAMPLE: “but it would be fun to at least get to know each other a little bit more…”
Step 5: Direction or Restriction - Talk about what will be. - Use “So I tell you what…” or “so lets at least…” or “but if we did have sex you’d have to promise me you wouldn’t become a sex crazed nympho stalker.” EXAMPLE: “So I tell you what, lets at least find a way to be in touch and briefly chat some more…”
EXAMPLE NLP FORMULA FOR AGREE AND ABSURDIFY: “I understand you have a boyfriend, and its not like we’re going to have hot passionate sex right here in public, yet it’d be fun…to at least hang out as friends”
#3. Turn it around on her Blame it all on her…in a fun playful way of course. EXAMPLES: Her: “I have a boyfriend” You: “Slow down, you’re already thinking about me as boyfriend material, jeez?” Her: “Here’s my card” You: “what! your business card? That’s lame. no thanks, give me your number” Her: “You’re such a dick” You: “Yeah but you love dick I can tell” Her: “I don’t like your shirt” You: “Well it doesn’t like you either” Her: “Are you gay?” You: “I don’t think so…lets find out” (then go in for a kiss) Her: “You’re not my type” You: “You don’t seem like the type that has a type”
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#4. Canned Think about this, if your 7-year old cousin said, “you look gay,” would you say, “shut up you bitch!” NO, of course not. You’d say, “aw that’s cute, who taught you that?” because you’re unaffected by it right? It didn’t hurt your feelings because she’s just a 7year old. So treat the girl testing you like she’s your 7-year old cousin. EXAMPLES: “You are just too adorable” “What are we gonna do with you?” “Hold out your hand” (smack it) “Bad girl”
#5. Genuine Sometimes if she’s being super rude then you could just be genuine and tell her how she’s acting. EXAMPLE: Her: “Fuck off” You: “Oh I get it. You probably act this way all the time. And I bet most people by it. But I don’t by it. I bet you act all rude to people and a lot of people think you’re a bitch, but I think you’re like a candy all hard on the outside and all soft on the inside. You just have to act this way because there are so many lame guys hitting on you (point away so she doesn’t associate you with ‘lame guys’) and you get sick of it. But I’ll tell you what, I’ll give you one more chance.”
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I HAVE A BOY FRIEND AGREE AND ABSURDIFY Her: “I have a boyfriend” You: “I know I'm from the boyfriend replacement agency. He can’t make it”
FUNNY Her: “I have a boyfriend” You: “He's mine you bitch” (said in a feminine tone) Her: “I have a boyfriend” You: “I have a math test” Her: “huh? So?” You: “I thought we were naming things we could cheat on”
TURN IT AROUND ON HER You: "Do you want me to call you?" Her: "I have a boyfriend" You: "That's not what I asked you"
ROLE-PLAY Her: “I have a boyfriend” You: "Come on, sneak away with me right now…” Her: “I have a boyfriend” You: “Oh I was so worried you’d never find someone. Your family and friends they all thought it was hopeless…” Her: “I have a boyfriend” You: “And now you also have a lover. That's pretty impressive. Shhh we won't tell anyone it'll be our little secret. He can buy you all the shoes and jewelry you want, and I'll do all the things your boyfriend is too afraid to do to you.”
CONFIDENT Her: “I have a boyfriend” You: “Would he be mad that I’m hitting on you?” Her: “Well yeah” You: “Well it sounds like you need a new boyfriend”
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I DON’T GIVE OUT MY NUMBER FUNNY Her: “I don't give out my number” You: “Why? we're just gonna have mad passionate text all night long. Are you textually active?”
GENUINE Her: “I don’t give out my number” You: “Wow finally a girl that can say ‘no’. That’s actually refreshing.”
TURN IT AROUND ON HER Her: “I don’t give out my number” You: “Oh my god you poor dear, then you must not have any friends huh? I’ve never met anyone with zero friends before. Ok, I’ll tell you what, I’ll be your first friend, but you have to promise you don’t go all crazy calling me all the time…promise?”
I HAVE TO GO CONFIDENT Her: “I have to go” You: “No, what u have to do is X” (X=find a way for us to be in touch, tell me something cool about yourself in 33 words or less, etc) Credit: Vince Kelvin Her: “I have to go” You: “Change of plans you’re coming with me”
ROLE-PLAY Her: “I have to get back to my friends” You: “Your friends they left you. They hired me I'm a male escort. So what do you want to do the rest of the night? I expect a big tip”
UTILIZE Her: “I have to go” You: “Perfect so do I. Let’s at least exchange numbers and if you’re cool on the phone, maybe we’ll hang out”
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AGREE AND ABSURDIFY Her: “I have to go” You: “Of course you have to go, it’s not like I’m going to seduce you right here in the store in front of everyone. But, if I do…hang out with you we’ll have to get to know each other first.”
BITCHINESS AND BLOWOUTS TURN IT AROUND ON HER Her: “Get lost” You: “Let's play ‘Who's The Most Stuck-Up Tonight’, congratulations so far you’re winning!” Her: “Sorry you’re not our type” You: “Oh I didn’t think you were the type that had a type”
ROLE-PLAY Her: Snood remark Me: “So sorry your highness, please forgive me” (sarcastic tone) Credit: Vince Kelvin
FUNNY/UNEXPECTED Her: “Sorry, we’re having a conversation here” You: "Come on you can do better than that, at least give me a good ‘Fuck You’. I'm a big boy I can handle it"
COCKY Her: “Sorry you’re not our type” You: “Listen Hun, you need to lower your standards the way I just did” Her: Continually saying “no” to your requests You: “Well better luck next time” and walk away
FUNNY Her: Being feisty You: “You guys are feisty like the powerpuff girls”
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GENUINE Her: “Fuck off!” You: “Oh I get it, I bet you act this way all the time but I don’t buy it. I bet people think you’re a bitch but deep down your as sweet as a piece of candy that’s hard on the outside and soft on the inside. You just have to act this way because you get hit on a lot. Its ok I understand. I’ll give you another chance.”
INSULTS CANNED Her: “Do your parents know you’re gay”? (“Yes” is a bad answer and “No” is a bad answer) You: “Aw you’re cute” Her: Insult You: "weak" or "wow" and look unimpressed Her: Insult You: "Aaaaaaand you’re done"
TURN IT AROUND ON HER Her: “Are you gay or something?” You: “Oh my god….I’m…well I’m not sure. I need to find out! Come here.” (Go in for a kiss) Her: “You’re not funny” You: “Your face is not funny” Her: “You’re X” (X=stupid, gay, lame, ugly, etc.) You: “Your face is X”
COCKY FUNNY Her: Insult You: Fake high-five. Go for high five and then when she’s about to high five you back look away and scratch your head.
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GENERAL QUESTIONS COCKY FUNNY Her: “How old are you”? You: “You tell me first” Her: “I’m only 18” You: “Oh you’re way too old for me” or “oh my god you’re over the hill” (if she's young) Her: “What's your age?” You: (answer) Her: “Wow you’re old” Me: “Yeah it's fucking scandalous” Credit: James Marshall
ROLE-PLAY Her: “Where are you from”? You: “I'm not from around here. I need a green card. Let's get married. I’ll be your trophy husband. Are you ok with sex only 3 times a day”?
SEXUAL TENSION Her: “What do you do”? You: “I'm a professional pick pocketer. Your panties, they’re mine.”
ROLE-PLAY Her: “Where are you from”? You: “I'm just a product of your imagination I'm not even real. You have a crazy imagination. Let's see how crazy you really are….”
AMOG (alpha male of the group)
AMOG: Comes into your set. You: "Hey man I'll pay you a hundred dollars right now to take these girls away from me", then flex and say "ladies what do you think of these huge muscles", point to the AMOG and say, "I'm gonna hire you to be my X" X=bodyguard, website designer, etc.
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AMOG: “You’re gay” You: “No, I’m straight. My boyfriend’s gay”
AMOG: “You’re gay” You: “Sorry man you’re not my type”
NON-VERBAL Just look at her like 'are you serious? Do you not see how cool I am?' or 'are you from mars because every woman here wants me' If she whines or complains play mini violin or make a tear gesture.
NON-COMPLIANCE GENUINE/SHOW YOU DON’T CARE Her: “We're not having sex, I just met you” You: “I have to wake up early besides I have whisky dick” (then keep escalating)
CONFIDENT THEN GENUINE Her: “I don't have sex on the first date” You: “Oh my god I'm so flattered, I'm gonna be your first. Seriously I like you, I want to be close to you but we don't have to go all the way”
TEASE You: Go in for a kiss Her: Turns away You: "You’re adorable, you don't know how to kiss, you’re out of practice don't worry I will help you"
TURN IT AROUND ON HER You: Go in for a kiss Her: “Wow what are you doing?” You: Look confused and say, “I don’t know, you must have put some sort of spell on me. I knew it, you’re some sort of hypnotist that puts spells on poor suspecting guys”
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Her: Says or does something you don’t like You: "That's it you’re cut" You: “Come over here” Her: “I can’t” You: “You are losing major cool points. I like girls that are X.” X=the opposite behavior of what she’s doing, adventurous, spontaneous, etc. Her: Non-responsive You: "Hmm you guys need some shots then come find me"
CONFIDENT Her: Continuously says “no” You: “Finally I met my match someone that can say ‘no’. But you'll change your mind I'm very persuasive/charming”
AGREE AND ABSURDIFY Her: Turns her back when you open You: “Nice, you have to teach me that. My sister is way too nice and talks to everyone. I need to show her how to do that. Is it like this?” (turn your back on her and mock her behavior)
CANNED “If you don't start behaving I'm putting you on timeout” “That’s minus 10 cool points” “Go like this”, proceed to hold out your hand until she mimics you. Then slap her hand and say “the next one will be on your ass” “Come on don’t be gay”
RANDOM GENUINE Her: “You just hit on my friend” You: “What can I say I'm a man of good taste”
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You: “You’re cute” Her: “Thanks” You: “Don't thank me I didn't make you….although I do have a lot of god-like qualities” Note: this is not a congruency test just a demonstration of a clever way to respond You: “Cool hat” Her: “Thanks” You: “Don’t thank me I didn’t make it…although I do have a sense of appreciation for it” Credit: Vince Kelvin Note: this is not a congruency test just a demonstration of a clever way to respond
TURN IT AROUND ON HER Her: “Are you a pick up artist?” You: “Really? Is that the best you got? Lame!”
JUMPING THROUGH HER HOOPS CHALLENGE HER Her: “Buy me a drink” You: “What do I get?” Her: She responds You: “Come on you can do better than that”
GET HER TO JUMP THROUGH YOUR HOOP Her: “Buy me a drink” You: “Sure you get the first round I’ll get the next round”
GENUINE Her: “Will you X?” X=buy a drink, buy diner, lend money, etc. You: “I don't X, let's get to know each other then take it from there”
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