The Secrets of Being Happy The Technology of Hope, Health, and Harmony
By Richard Bandler, Co-creator and Developer of Neuro-Linguistic Programming & Garner homson, NLP !aster Practitioner and rainer and Developer of !edical NLP "# $#CR#$ % B#'NG "(PP) he technology of hope, health, and harmony $!($"*%RD$ #D''%N Digital +ersion '$BN ./-0-/1./02-3-3 Paper4ac5 +ersion '$BN ./-0-/1./02-0-2 Pu4lished 4y '6!6 Press, 'nc6 #dited 4y Laura D Le7is Copyright 8 1033 4y Richard Bandler and Garner homson6 (ll rights reserved6 No part of this pu4lication may 4e reproduced, stored in retrieval system, or transmitted in any other form or 4y any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or other7ise, 7ithout the 7ritten permission of the pu4lisher6 D'$CL('!#R (ND "(N9$ Please note that all information in this 4oo5 is provided for educational and informational purposes only and should not 4e construed as, nor replace, medical or psychiatric advice6 'f you are suffering from any physical or psychiatric condition, please see5 the advice of the appropriately :ualified health professional6 he authors e;press their appreciation to those researchers 7hose 7or5 is cited in this 4oo56 *hile they have inspired us in our 4id to place NLP in 7hat 7e 4elieve is its rightful intellectual and scientific conte;t, 7e emphasi
7776Bandler+ision6com
TABLE OF CONTENTS
PL#($# N%# his is an active participation 4oo56 )ou 7ill 7ant to get a note4oo5 so you can 7rite do7n and participate in the e;ercises and e;periences included in this e-4oo5 version6 he a4ove sym4ol appears 4efore e;ercises you need to 7rite do7n in order to complete them successfully6
INTRODUCTION:
he need to face the challenges of the 13st Century "o7 you 4ecame ="# P#R$%N )%> (R#
ART I
CHATER !
he four conditions of Being "appy6
CHATER "
he Pursuit of "appiness?7hat 7or5s and 7hat doesn@t6
CHATER #
Creating a 7orld 7orth living in !aps, !odels and !ental Constructs
CHATER $
ear, eelings and amiliarity $o you thin5 you are running your o7n 4rainA
CHATER %
9no7ing, Believing and >nderstanding
CHATER &
he >se and (4use of !emory?7hy the past is not 7hat it used to 4e
CHATER '
!eaning, Purpose and Perseverance
CHATER (
)our #ssential Needs?$i; 5eys to surviving and flourishing Commitment, Confidence and Compulsion
CHATER )
"o7 to 4ecome= "# P#R$%N )%> C(N B#
ART II
CHATER !*
!eeting )our Needs
CHATER !!
inding )our !eaning and !ission
CHATER !"
No7 and en Learning to live in time
CHATER !#
Getting from 7here you are to 7here you 7ant to 4e
CHATER !$
"o7 to future-proof your life
CHATER !%
Bringing it all together
EILO+UE
ust do it = N%*
!* ,UIC- FI.ES
Clear your head, lift your mood, and improve your performance 36 'f you are emotionally stuc5 16 o cur4 an impulse to snac5
6 'f you are depressed 26 o improve your physical performance E6 o drive 4etter and more safely F6 o get an irritating tune out of your head .6 o reduce daydreaming and improve your memory /6 o change your mood from do7n to up
6 Build a Being "appy mindset in 0 seconds 306 'f you need a :uic5 4oost
AENDI. A
(nchors and (nchoring
AENDI. B
$u4-modality distinctions he differences that ma5e a difference
AENDI. C
'nside out aming the !on5ey-!ind
BOO-S AND OTHER RESOURCES
THE SOCIET/ OF NL
THE SOCIET/ OF 0EDICAL NL
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
E.ERCISES
3a6 "o7 to eel Good for No Particular Reason 346 )our values app6 16 Gratitude 'nventory
6 *hat is, is Letting it 4e 26 Learning from )our !ista5es E6 'nstant (ffect $7itch F6 Putting a Ne7 $pin on %ld eelings .6 Blind $pot /6 !emory Recall 6 9no7ing, eeling & Believing 306 (ccelerated Learning Pattern 336 he +ideo Cam Pattern 316 Changing an >nresourceful Belief 36 Part %ne he Red $hoes Pattern 326 Part 7o?Reconsolidation 3E6 Planning to $ucceed 3F6 he un-7ith-etishes Pattern 3.6 $trengthening )our $ocial Connectedness 3/6 Repairing or 'mproving a Relationship 36 i;ing )our $ocial Pho4ia 106 Changing )our $u4ective #;perience 136 Developing a H!ind of )our %7nI 116 Developing a $ense of %ptimism 16 (nticipating Challenges, (chieving $uccess 126 Creating )our Personal !ission $tatement 1E6 Creating a Rapid Response !ission $tatement 1F6 #m4edding )our !ission $tatement in )our Life 1.6 +isuali
p )our 10J10 oresight !achine 26 he #instein #ngine E6 'nstalling an #arly-*arning $ystem F6 $harpening up )our +isuali
206 %vercoming "esitation 236 $etting an (nchor 216 Collapsing (nchors 26 Directed $elf-"ypnosis 226 he Rela;ation Response KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
Intro12ction to The Secrets of Being Happy
he technology of hope, health, and harmony By Richard Bandler and Garner homson
INTRODUCTION
*e are poised on the 4rin5 of one of the most critical times in the history of our species6 %n the one hand, 7e@ve made e;traordinary technological advances that even a decade ago 7ould have seemed unimagina4le6 %n the other hand, ne7 issues, such as mass poverty, climate change and gro7ing chronic illnesses, threaten the prosperous and harmonious life 7e all hoped 7e@d 4e living in the Ne7 !illennium6 !any of the promises made 4y science, psychiatry, politics, the pharmaceutical industry and 4ig 4usiness have failed to 4ring peace, prosperity and happiness to everyone on the planet6 he moment has come 7hen 7e need to loo5 else7here for the resources to meet the challenges of the 13st Century6 he decisions 7e ma5e no7 and the actions 7e ta5e 7ill affect the future, not only for us, 4ut for our descendants for all time6 he possi4ilities are simple and star5 either 7e ma5e a :uantum leap to a ne7 level of organi
instantly 4ounce your attitude from one of negativity and dou4t to an attitude of optimism, cheerfulness and hope6 "o7 radically 7ould your life change if you could s7itch, at 7ill, from living life do7n to living life upA *hat 7ould you 4e capa4le of achieving if you had a system guaranteed to upgrade your health and 7ell-4eing, outloo5 and e;pectationsA 's this something you@d 4e interested inA 'f so, read on =
NL: THE 0ASTER TOOL
During the3.0s t7o young researchers, Richard Bandler and ohn Grinder 4ecame curious a4out the failure of most psychologists to help their patients ma5e real changes in their lives6 'nstead of digging even deeper into the possi4le causes of human pro4lems, they loo5ed for and found a scattering of therapists throughout the country 7ho, unli5e their more orthodo; colleagues, 7ere consistently and sometimes dramatically successful6 By studying modelingM in minute detail the communication styles of each therapist, they discovered that these professionals used certain patterns com4ining ver4al and non-ver4al communication6 hese com4inations appeared to have a profoundly positive effect on their clients6 'nterestingly, the therapists they 7ere studying shared many of these often unconsciousM patterns, even though their approaches 7ere very different on the surface6 Curious as to 7hether it 7as this or some other unidentified :uality shared 4y these elite therapists that triggered such dramatic change, the young scientists refined and tested these patterns on a large num4er of volunteers6 he results 7ere almost magical and their impact produced dramatic shifts 7ithin the human potential movement of the time6 (s understanding and e;perimentation gre7, these discoveries 4egan to challenge some of the most dearly held psychological truths@ such as change is difficult and ta5es timeM6 'n a very short time, these findings 4lossomed into 7hat is argua4ly one of the simplest and most effective self-help fields of our time6 he ne7 methodology 4ecame 5no7n as Neuro-Linguistic Programming NLPM, a reference to three 5ey driving processes of human action and interaction neurology, communication and 4ehavior6 $tated simply, the 7ay you communicate 7ith yourself and others Ling2isticM affects your nervous system at all levels Ne2roM6 his can 4e used to set up patterns of 4ehavior rogra33ingM6 he more effective your internal processing, the more re7arding and enoya4le your life can 4e6
>nderstanding the mechanics of NLP provides students of e;cellence in all fields of human endeavor 7ith the formulas necessary to create ne7 and e;citing methods of change6 NLP can 4e thought of as he (rt and $cience of #;cellence@, or he $tudy of $u4ective #;perience@6 "o7ever you descri4e it, NLP is a master tool for creating other tools designed to achieve specific outcomes6 !ost importantly these tools can 4e used 4y anyone6 hey are not reserved for consultants, coaches, therapists and other leaders of change6 hey are also intended for you. he good ne7s is you already have the room full of the technological 7i
THE SECIALIST NEURON
)our neurons are capa4le of remar5a4le specialiCL( Researcher Dr 't
his revelation that you have a speciali
4ehind this 4oo5, 4ut you 7ill also 4e a4le to install and put into practice your o7n customi
HPeople don@t ta5e me seriouslyI H't@s my up4ringingI H't@s my lo7 self-esteemI6
(nd then there is the all-time favorite= Hhe times are ust getting 7orseI6 't is true 7e are living in difficult times6 *hether you are reading that last sentence the day after this 4oo5 is pu4lished or 10 years on, it is still going to 4e true6 Life is full of pro4lems for many people, most of the time6 (nd many of the people 4attling 7ith their challenges are spiraling do7n even deeper into sadness, fear and despair 4y as5ing the 7rong :uestions and running after the 7rong things6 he time has come not only to change your 7ays, 4ut to change your mind = for good6
H*ell, it might 4e o5ay for some people, 4ut it is not that simple for me,I you might say6 HBut '@ve got serious pro4lems and they are not going to go a7ay6I %f course you have pro4lems he cause is simple You got born. hin5 for a moment a4out 7hat it means to 4e a 4a4y starting life on this particular planet at this, or any other time6 he first thing you have to do is survive6 he tools at your disposal are primitive6 )ou have no cla7s or teeth to defend yourself against predators, no pelt to 5eep you from the cold6 )ou have no means of finding food and, even if you had it, you are too puny and uncoordinated to get it into your mouthM6)our chief means of survival is your a4ility to communicate6 )ou cry 7hen you are hungry or 7et you 4ur4le and coo 7hen you are feeling safe6 rom 4irth, you respond to a friendly face 7ith smiles and gurgles and to an angry one 7ith screams and cries6 'f you are luc5y enough to 4e in the care of attentive, loving adults, they 7ill respond to these cues 7ith a primal cascade of neurochemicals, including one called o;ytocin6 %;ytocin provides a feeling of 7ell-4eing and compels those e;periencing it to re7ard you 7ith food, love and care6
4H/ SO0E FEARS ARE HARD4IRED
he fears you are 4orn 7ith are fe76 (s far as 7e 5no7, humans are 4orn 7ith only t7o the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises6 his ma5es perfect evolutionary sense6 (s your mother or, your ancestors@ mothersM s7ung through the 4ranches, you needed to have in you a hard7ired impulse to hang one, and a healthy fear of letting go as your fore4ears made their 7ay through alien territory, they needed to respond :uic5ly and emphatically to une;pected noise6 hat said, all your other fears are learned6 )ou learned to 4e afraid of 4eing a4andoned6 )ou learned to fear authority6 )ou learned your pho4ias6 )ou learned to fear 7hat other people are thin5ing a4out you, or of flying or riding in an elevator6 his is important and 4ears repeating fear and a its asso!iated probems is a earned response 6
'n principle, this is a good thing6 he part of your 4rain that contains the mechanisms for 4oth memory and fear still operates today6 'ts intention is highly positive6 his part of your 4rain is in charge of noticing and remem4ering anything that might threaten your safety6 Rightly or 7rongly, it 4oo5mar5s anything it regards as dangerous and it ma5es sure you 5no7 7hen you are approaching anything that resem4les this HpredatorI 4y creating the psycho-physiological response 7e 5no7 as fear6 oday, fortunately, most of us do not face a daily threat to life and lim4 li5e our ancestors did in centuries past6 his a4ility to learn fear is one of the things that 5ept us alive6 *henever you 7ent out into the savannah to find something to eat, you increased the li5elihood of returning home if you remem4ered ho7 that 4ig, furry thing 7ith shiny teeth ate your cousin %g6 hrough that memory and association, you 4ecame very, very afraid6
FEAR AND SUR5I5AL
ear increases your chances of survival 4y preparing your 4ody and mind for action, something 5no7n as the fight or flight response6 ear activates your a4ility to learn to identify patterns and thus prevents you from placing yourself in the same 5ind of situation again6 hat fight or flight@ response is still alive and 7ell and functioning on a day-to-day, minute-tominute 4asis6 )ou need it in certain circumstances6 or e;ample, if you are crossing a road and a car is coming at you, that is not a time to use your education or your intellect6 hat mechanism
doesn@t calculate the speed of the car and divide it 4y the estimated distance from 7here you are to the safety of the side7al56 (lmost at the speed of light, the 4lood is shunted a7ay from your viscera your internal organsM and into your muscles to prepare them for a 4urst of action6 (t the same time, most activity is hiac5ed a7ay from the frontal corte;, the rational part of your 4rainM, and into the hind4rain, that more primitive seat of memory, emotion and survival6
)ou 4ecome strong in a crisis, sometimes far stronger than you have ever 4een 4efore6 "o7ever, you also 4ecome dum46 *ithout the moderating influence of the fore4rain, your responses are li5ely to 4e reptilian6 'f something stands in the 7ay of your survival and you cannot escape or defeat it, something has to give6 (s society 4ecomes more civili
THE BOD/ IN FEAR
he point at 7hich people see5 help going to see a doctor or a therapistM tends to occur 7hen their struggles over7helm the a4ility of their mind and 4ody to respond6 !uch li5e 7hen a computer crashes or free
SALUTO+ENIC 5ERSUS ATHOLO+ICAL AROACHES
his is the result of as5ing the 7rong :uestion6 Researchers in physical medicine and psychology continually approach the pro4lem 4y as5ing, H"o7 do people get sic5 or stuc5AI he theory is that if only 7e can loo5 deeply enough into the details of a pro4lem, 7e 7ill magically discover the secret of its cure6 'f it is not possession 4y a ghost or infection 4y a germ, may4e it is the result of a faulty gene6 his is a reductionist, pathogenic approach6 #ven though it has its uses, it seldom results in cure6 *hyA The stumbling block is the belief?4ased on the successes science has had in dealing 7ith infectious diseases?that every problem has a single, molecular cause. his 4elief is fla7ed6 People are infinitely more comple; and creative than that, especially if a pro4lem involves strong emotions and fe7 pro4lems are 7ithout emotionM6 Due to the comple;ity of humans, each of us has a 7ide and highly creative range of responses encompassing ho7 7e help create the pro4lem, ho7 7e maintain it, and ho7 7e attempt to resolve the situation 7e are in6 his goes to the point a4ove, that the 7rong :uestion is as5ed6 he :uestion that should 4e as5ed is H"o7 do people get 7ellAI
his is the :uestion that drove and continues to drive the development of NLP 3M6 >nderstanding ho7 some people act creatively and often unconsciously to help others and themselves to recover, often in the face of serious life-threatening challenges, gives us valua4le information6 his is 5no7n as a salutogenic approach6 Refined, it can easily 4e imparted to others6
Contrast this to a focus on pathology, a compartmentali
RESONDIN+ TO CHALLEN+E
No matter 7hen you are reading this rest assured, all times are comple; and challenging6 ust 4eing alive re:uires that 7e learn ho7 respond to those challenges6 e7, if any of us cruise through life 7ithout ever encountering that reality6 Contrary to popular 7isdom, the 7ay to resolve stress is not though elimination or avoidance6 !any so-called stress-management e;perts@ advise their clients to identify the things that cause them most trou4le the stressorM, then to find 7ays to remove them6 'f your highly paid o4 is giving you stomach pains, the suggestion is you resign and go live in a ca4in on *alden Pond6
his simply does not 7or56 )ou need a certain amount of stress to 5eep you alert, motivate you and help you meet the challenges of daily life6 M 'f you respond rather than avoid these challenges, you flourish and gro76 )ou have evolved to prosper in uncertainty6 "ere, then, is the first important principle of this 4oo5 *e are not suggesting you can live 7ithout stress and stressors6 Rather 7hen these are inevita4le, 7e suggest you can dramatically improve your resilience and a4ility to respond and resolve the challenges constructively6 'n this 7ay you reframe stress as !"aenge rather than 4eing a victim, you learn to confront and transform that 7hich threatened to destroy you 4efore6 hreats 4ecome triumphs6
Cele4rate housands of years of evolution 4uilt upon these e;periences so that the payoff to overcoming challenge is gro7th6 Progress is not simply a matter of random chance and natural selection6 he organisms that survived and flourished from the hum4lest protoplasm to the fittest, cleverest human 4eing are those that actively find a 7ay through the pro4lems and crises they encounter along the 7ay6 his prompts us to reorgani
CONSCIOUSNESS AND CO0LE.IT/
$ir 'saac Ne7ton suggested that everything every7here 7as running do7n, sliding ine;ora4ly to7ards chaos and disintegration6 But that@s not al7ays true6 'n our corner of the universe, 7e are moving to7ards increasingly comple; arrangements of cells and systems, processes and procedures6 *hat Ne7ton failed to ta5e into consideration 7as consciousness coupled 7ith our a4ility to use it to thin5 a4out thin5ing and to change the 7ay 7e do so6 'n the 4rain, 7e o7n the only 5no7n organism that can reprogram and evolve itself and the 7orld around it6 %f course such a miraculous metamorphosis only happens if you respond to the pro4lem you are facing6 )ou have to ta5e action in order to progress6 Not everyone rises to the demands of the times6 *hen some people fail to adapt, they fall prey to one or more of the current epidemic of conditions such as depression, an;iety disorders, chronic pain and fatigue6 $adly, since the current mainstream response is either to prescri4e drugs or tal5ing therapy, many of these people fail to find a 7ay through their pro4lems6 $ome ust sit 4ac5 and 7hine6 hey have 4een 4rain7ashed 4y people 7ith vested interests, such as therapists and + advertisers for prescription medications, to 4elieve they are the victims of their past e;periences, need drugs, or lots of e;pensive treatment6 Provided they are not resistant patients or in denial, they may feel 4etter, 4ut, only a long, long 7ay do7n the line6 People in this situation consistently live 4elo7 par6 hen there are those 7ho respond :uic5ly and energetically to the curve 4alls that life thro7s at them 4y ma5ing :uantum leaps to ne7 levels of e;perience and fulfillment6 hese and the people 7ho help them on their 7ay represent the rainma5ers 7e model6 hey are the success stories 7e study to find out 7hat they do that is different6 hese are the people 7ho are consistently a4le to access the process of Being Happy from this point on 7e capitali
NLP, the technology 7e apply to model this and pass on 7hat is found to other people can 4e thought of in a num4er of 7ays
O (s the study and application of e;cellence O (s a tool to create other tools O (s a means of accelerating teaching and learning6 his approach has given rise to scores of techni:ues to overcome a 7ide range of de4ilitating pro4lems and 4ehaviors, from pho4ias to long-standing trauma and a4use from procrastination to an;iety, depression and o4sessive thin5ing6 'n this 4oo5 7e loo5 at the gro7ing 4ody of research that supports much of 7hat the developers of NLP have 4een suggesting for forty years6 Because NLP itself is not a discrete field and its effectiveness depends on the 4ehavioral fle;i4ility of the practitioner, it does not easily lend itself to standardinited 9ingdom 7ho many years ago attended #orking in t"e Mira!e $one% one of our seminars on NLP and immune function6 *hat Dr ippu had not
yet shared 7ith anyone there 7as that he@d 4een diagnosed 7ith leu5emia6 o date, four 4outs of chemotherapy failed
H(fter ' had a 4one marro7 transplant from my 4rother,I Dr ippu recalls6 H' developed a condition 5no7n as graft versus host@ disease, and for t7o years ' 7as on high doses of immunesuppressant drugs to prevent my 4ody reecting the transplant6I (ll the signs 7ere that the treatment 7asn@t 7or5ing6 (t one stage, a doctor had said to him, HDr ippu, ' thin5 you should stop denying the seriousness of your condition6I Dr ippu replied, H' am not denying the seriousness of my condition6 ' am ust denying that ' cannot get 4etter6I During the seminar, Dr ippu fi;ated on the suggestion that so-called He;ceptional patientsI, those 7ho recover from serious, even life-threatening, conditions, 4ehave at some level differently from people 7ho remain ill, often 7ith the same disease6 Dr ippu 4egan to e;plore and apply principles dra7n from NLP, some featured in this 4oo5, to help him deal 7ith his disease6 (s he put it, he started to live as a person recovering from cancer, rather than someone who had it.
No7, more than a decade later, he says, H(s a doctor, ' have to maintain an o4ective, scientific attitude, and it is possi4le that the disease 7as 4urning itself out any7ay?although that 7ould have 4een unusual6 But, even if that 7ere the case, ' am 300S convinced that NLP helped my recovery6 ' have to say that ' never dou4ted for a moment that ' 7ould get 4etter6I *hat 7e find interesting is that Dr ippu didn@t try to see5 out a4stract goals such as happiness@ or a cure@6 "e understood that health and 7ell-4eing is a process6 "e set out to research 7hat strategies people in recovery follo7ed6 "e e;plored and tested the strategies of H7ellI people?not least those that encouraged optimism and hope6 "e filled his life 7ith family, future plans, challenges and helping others6 (nd life seemed to respond6 (t the time of this 7riting, 4oo5s a4out happiness top the self-help 4est seller lists around the 7orld6 $ome are useful many are not6 he fact that they are so popular sho7s that people are starving for solutions, rather than insight and diagnosis6
or more than a century, psychology has 4een see5ing to find out 7hat 7as 7rong 7ith you, or to get you to accept yourself the 7ay you 7ere6 't never suggested that people could?and should? 4e a4le to have really good feelings most of the time6 !any people 7ho sought help 4ecause they 7ere unhappy 4elieved therapy 7as to help them overcome their pro4lems and achieve greater happiness yet 7e dou4t 7hether that 7as ever the o4ective of any system of psychotherapy6 %f course, there are drugs that can ma5e you feel happier6 he trou4le is drugs 7ear off and they have side effects6 #cstasy is a drug the >$ Government investigated and found it had this terri4le side effect people 7ere happy and full of 7arm feelings for si; or eight hours ho7ever, those ta5ing it could also dehydrate and die if they continued ingesting it6 !any Hfeel-goodI drugs 7or5 4y increasing the 4rain@s serotonin levels6 But, more serotonin is not necessarily 4etter and it may not even 7or5 the 7ay the pharmaceutical companies claim6 !etaanalyses of the most commonly prescri4ed anti-depressants sho7 the drugs perform little 4etter than place4o EM too much serotonin can adversely affect the 7ay you thin5, feel and move6 (n overdose may 4e fatal6 he 4est 5ind of serotonin is that 7hich is naturally produced6 he follo7ing constitute the optimal methods for producing the right levels of serotonin naturally FM a6 (lter your thin5ing processes 46 Do the right things for the right reasons c6 a5e action directed at ma5ing your life happier d6 #at 4etter (nd, literally and figuratively e6 Live more in the light6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
!ost people go through their life as if they are playing Pachin5o6 hey drop thoughts, actions and events into their lives and let them ping off anything and everything that happens to 4e on the 7ay do7n 7ithout any sense of direction6 hey may set a goal for e;ample, H' 7ant to 4e a la7yerI or H' 7ant to 4e a doctorIM, 4ut they seldom go further and as5 :uestions such as (nd then 7hatA "o7 is 4eing a la7yer or a doctor going to ma5e me happyA hey might thin5 that getting married, having children, t7o cars and a 4ig house 7ill 4e enough6 But 7ill itA hey simply do not as5 enough :uestions or they as5 the 7rong ones6 People ha4itually tend to overloo5 the need to pause and enoy smelling the flo7ers along the 7ay6 (ll energy and planning is focused on achieving and very little on paying attention to the process6 $ome years ago, a shipping line used to advertise its cruises 7ith the line, HGetting there is half the fun6I *e 4elieve getting there should 4e ES of the fun :uite simply 4ecause 7hen you get HthereI, there is usually 7hen you die
HAINESS IS A 5ERB
Living life as a process, rather than as a collection of material accomplishments, is the principle message of this 4oo56 he 4iggest pro4lem in see5ing and selling HhappinessI is that it is actually 7hat in NLP terms 7e call a Hnominali
in them?is more attaina4le6 )ou can see5 out the 5ind of people and activities that ma5e you feel supported and fulfilled, and e;plore 7ays of 4ringing these :ualities into your life on a more regular 4asis6 )ou can not only live more in the moment 7here appropriateM, responding to each challenge as it arises, 4ut you can move ahead of the moment, learning to avoid pro4lems such as stress and ma5ing 4ad decisions, even 4efore they arise6
Notice that 7e said all this could occur more reguary, rather than permanenty6 his is simply 4ecause a state of permanent, unchanging happiness 7ould not 4e supporta4le 4y the nervous system, even if 7e could ma5e it happen6 (fter a 7hile, could 7e 4e sure that 7hat 7e 7ere feeling 7as happiness at allA he ans7er is 7e couldn@t6 he human nervous system is designed to ma5e sense of the 7orld 4y comparing and contrasting 4its of data6 *e 5no7 dar5 only 4ecause 7e have e;perienced light, 7e e;perience pleasure 4ecause 7e understand pain6 *e are not reviving the old religious and moral clichU that suffering is the price 7e pay for 4eing human6 Rather, 7e thin5 of pain and suffering as signals that some important need is not 4eing met6 $o, ho7 do 7e resolve the parado; that you need some 5ind of contrast to positive and pleasant e;periencesA "o7 do you learn to live 7ith and apply the symptom-signals that inevita4ly affect you at some time or anotherA he ans7er is in t7o parts6 irst, 4y choosing actively to pursue a life of Being "appy, you naturally lift the 4aseline of your e;perience6 Rather li5e a musician 7ho transposes a melody to a higher 5ey, you still e;perience ups and do7ns, 4ut the ne7 do7ns are higher than the old ups6 $econd, you need to understand that the symptom-signals that affect everyone at some time or another, 7hether in the form of pain, sadness, disappointment, illness of one 5ind or another are part of you, not something sent to punish or hurt6 hey are there to 4e harnessed to help you move for7ard6 hese e;periences, ho7ever negatively they might 4e perceived, evolved as instruments of survival and gro7th6 hey are prompts to action and 7ellness, and you ignore them at your ris56 )ou pay the price for trying to avoid, deny, rationali
$ometimes, if they are ignored?li5e the chest pains the 4usy e;ecutive continues to dismiss as dyspepsia?they can 5ill the person they are trying to help6 hus, recogninderstanding unmet needs and acting to satisfy them appropriately is essential6 Becoming response-a4le Va4le to respondW is the 5ey to 4ecoming happier and healthier6 *e 4elieve it is a matter of urgency to do this no76 Not only are people 7ho actively pursue 7ell4eing in appropriate 7ays happier than those 7ho do not, 7e 7ill demonstrate that they also live longer, healthier lives6 hese are people 7ho have learned to stop trying to 4loc5 the currents of life6 Rather, they ta5e responsi4ility for ho7 they respond to the e44-and-flo7 of e;perience6
BECO0IN+ THE ERSON /OU 4ANT TO BE
(s you too learn to do this, you@ll 4egin to understand that you are more in control of your o7n 7ell-4eing than you have ever 4elieved6 his 4oo5 7ill e;plain ho7 you have 4ecome the person you are, then sho7 you ho7 to 4ecome the person you 7ant to 4e6 )ou@ll discover simple, practical, highly effective 7ays to use your 4rain so that it produces 4etter :uality neurochemicals, so that the synapses fire 4etter, so that you can ma5e clearer images of 7hat you 7ant and use those images to move you for7ard6 *hen you have the right strategies in place, you@ll 4e in a position to test ne7 e;periences in order to chec5 7hether in practice they are going to ma5e you feel happy or not6 %f course, 7e cannot predict 7ith any certainty 7hat 7ill ma5e you happy6 "uman 4eings are incredi4ly adapta4le6 hey can learn to enoy anything6 hey can sit for hours on river4an5s holding the end of a piece of string 7aiting for a fish that may never 4ite they ump out of airplanes, collect stamps, run, cycle and s7im until they drop, scare themselves silly 7ith horror movies = all for fun6 ( later chapter discusses 7hat science says a4out 7hat ma5es you happy and 7hat not?4ut, in the end, you need to decide 7hat you 7ill enoy, then ma5e sure that every day is more full of fun and good feelings than not6 )ou also need to inoculate against the negativity trying to get in6 #motionally destructive messages are every7here television ne7s is 4ad hypnosis, reinforcing, every hour on the hour, the 4elief that times are 4ad and getting 7orse6 *e@ve seen and heard this message for E0 years = 4ut, strangely, in spite of all the challenges?or, may4e 4ecause of them?many things ust get 4etter6
Bad things 7ill al7ays happen some7here in the 7orld6 (nd, 7hile 7e are not preaching denial of reality or advocating inaction, you need to understand the simple truth: if you always focus on negative things, you’ll feel bad.'f you start to loo5 for solutions that are different and 4etter,
that@s the 7ay your 7orld 7ill 4ecome6 his is not Hpositive thin5ingI, it is 4rain science6 he time has come to ta5e things even further6 Remem4er even if times are truly 4ad, it is also an opportunity to ta5e a gigantic evolutionary step for7ard6 Being "appy presents a shift in paradigm, particularly suited to the 13st Century?one that is not 4ased on deficit and repair, 4ut on opportunity, optimism, choice and change6 B#%R# )%> !%+# %N % "# N#X C"(P#R, ta5e a fe7 moments to thin5 a4out 7hat you really 4elieve 7ould ma5e you happy6 *rite do7n your thoughts in as much detail as possi4le6 his is your "appiness *ish List6 eel free to return to it at any stage to add, remove or revie7 your entries6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
FOOTNOTES FOR INTRODUCTION
36 or an account of the development of NLP, see Bandler R 100/M, Richard Bandler@s Guide to rance-formation, Deerfield L( "ealth Communications 'nc6 616 he term 7as coined 4y (aron (ntonovs5y, and refers to a system of health care aimed at promoting health and 7ell-4eing, rather than fighting disease6 6 httpJJ7776state6sc6usJdmhJ4ryanJ7e4stres6htm 9irsch ', Deacon B, "uedo-!edina, $co4oria (, !oore , ohnson B 100/M 'nitial $everity and (ntide-pressant Benefits ( !eta-(nalysis of Data $u4mitted to the ood and Drug (dministration6 httpJJ7776plosmedicine6orgJarticleJinfodoiJ3063.3Journal6pmed600E002E 26 ried ', !acDonald 9(, $ingle Neuron (ctivity in "uman "ippocampus and (mygdala during Recognition of aces and %4ects, Neuron, +ol6 3/, .E?.FE, !ay, 3. E6 Boyer #*, $hannon ! 100EM, he serotonin syndrome, N6 #ngl6 6 !ed6 E1 33M 3331?106 F6 )oung $N 100.M, "o7 to increase serotonin in the human 4rain 7ithout drugs6 Psychiatry Neurosci6 100. Novem4er 1FM 2?6
KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
ART ONE KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK "o7 you came to 4e = "# P#R$%N )%> (R#
CHATER ONE: THE FOUR CONDITIONS OF BEIN+ HA/
'n this chapter O Living 4y choice, not chance O *hy fi;ing pro4lems doesn@t 7or5 O "o7 hope and optimism can save your live O Being "appy is a ha4it you can ac:uire6 Being "appy is an antidote to one of the most 7idespread and destructive silent epidemics of our time6 !illions of people, even in the most developed corners of the 7orld, e;ist in the grip of a comple;, chronic and sometimes over7helming sense of pessimism and despair6 Despite living in the most prosperous, technologically advanced and potentially re7arding time in recorded history, they still see the glass half empty, and getting emptier 4y the moment6 %n the other hand, people around the planet are living near to their fullest potential, even though sometimes it is against 7hat seem li5e insurmounta4le odds6 hese people are not necessarily more intelligent or talented than their friends and neigh4ors?4ut, 7hen you loo5 closely, they do
display important differences6 (nd these are differences that can 4e ac:uired 4y anyone determined to shift from life of :uiet desperation to one of optimism and possi4ility6 %ur proposal is not that you 7ill never feel Hdo7nI, 4ut that you recogni
$o far, most schools of psychology have tried to accomplish peace-of-mind 4y e;tinguishing 7hat psychologists call T"e 'egati(e )ffe!t6 he theory is that if 7e can only eliminate the 4ad feelings, 7e@ll end up in a perpetually oyful state6 'f only that 7ere true6 !ore than 300 years@ of various 5inds of therapy?including trillions of dollars 7orth of psychotropic drugs consumed annually?have proved largely ineffective6 #ven 7here scientists have 4een successful in medicating H4adI feelings a7ay, the result has not 4een
happiness6 oo often, people are left 7ithout the official symptoms of depression, 4ut end up feeling someho7 disconnected from life6 "appiness is not the pri
Learning is far more intriguing than 7as once 4elieved6 he fact that 7e no7 5no7 7e are constantly and literally altering the architecture of our 4rains should come as a massive 7a5e-up call?not ust to us as individuals, 4ut also as parents, educators, and policy-ma5ers of all 4eliefs and affiliations6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
TA-E A 0O0ENT TO DO THE FOLLO4IN+ E.ERI0ENT
36 $it comforta4ly 7ith hands flat on your 5nees6 16 No7, simultaneously touch the tip of your nose 7ith the forefinger of your right hand and the lo4e of your right ear 7ith your left forefinger6 6 Put your hands 4ac5 on your 5nees, and then reverse the action left forefinger to nose, right forefinger to left earlo4e6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
)our 7ill pro4a4ly find this movement some7hat confusing, 4ut please persist6 Repeat from 3 to until your can do it 7ithout thin5ing6 Congratulations6 *ithin the space of a fe7 minutes, you have created an entirely ne7 neural path7ay?one that gives you the choice to perform a highly comple; action 7ith little or no conscious thought6 Neuroplasticity, or the a4ility of your 4rain to reprogram itself, has allo7ed you to organi
momentM, distorting others attri4uting meaning to 7hat 7as happeningM and generali
THE HO4 OF CHAN+E
'n fact, li5e all other e;periences, feeling good has a structure6 'f you do certain things internally, ma5e the right pictures, hear the right sounds, manipulate the right feelings 7hat 7e call 5inestheticsM, and you 7ill feel 4etter6 *hen you use these techni:ues to improve the e;pectation that things can and 7ill get 4etter, you@ll improve in 7ays that 7ill surprise and delight you6 "o7 do 7e 5no7 thisA 'nitially 4y o4servation and e;perience6 *e have an increasing 4ody of evidence to support this6 $tudies have 4een accumulating for more than E0 years that the :ualities of hope and 4elief, 7hich together contri4ute to 7hat 7e can call positive e;pectancy, are significant aspects of relieving symptoms and healing on 4oth a physical and an emotional level6 .M
$uch studies report a significant association 4et7een hope and optimism and a vast raft of improvements in feelings and functionality including e7er asthma attac5s
(lleviation of stress and an;iety Reduction of pain #asier 7ithdra7al from narcotics (ltered gastric functioning Lessened need for pre-and post-operative medication Relief from fever e7er chronic coughs and headaches, including migraine 'mproved control of 4lood sugar levels of dia4etics6 Patients 7ho rate high in optimism and hope have also e;perienced shorter recovery times after surgery or trauma, including cardiovascular incidents, decreased fre:uency and severity of angina attac5s and even e;tended survival after a diagnosis of cancer6 /M M 30M 'n contrast, those 7ho display negative and depressive states may 4e more vulnera4le to infection, and e;perience aggravation of e;isting or underlying illness, and slo7ing or disruption of the healing process6 33M 31M 't seems common sense that massive funding should 4e directed to7ards e;ploring and developing these drug-free, non-invasive methods of improving health and 7ell-4eing6 But, this is not a currently popular approach6 Despite the 7eight of its o7n research, orthodo; science dismisses a positive outcome unattri4uted to either drugs or surgery as a Hplace4o responseI6 $uch outcomes are regarded as little more than irritating HnoiseI that distracts from the real clinical effect of the treatment6
By choosing to disregard the phenomenon, these scientists are thro7ing the 4a4y out 7ith the 4ath 7ater6 he place4o effect, as far as 7e can tell, is not only e;perienced to some degree or other 4y everyone on the planet, 4ut it occurs 7ith every healing su4stance and ritual in every culture in the 7orld6 he place4o is, :uite literally, the most po7erful drug 7e have ever 5no7n6 Because the place4o is used in every orthodo; test to measure the efficacy of a ne7 medication, science has ac:uired more e;perience of it than of any other treatment in the 7orld6 !ostly, researchers prefer to ignore the effect?4ut, something 7eird has 4een happening in recent years that have 4een thro7ing the pharmaceutical 7orld into disarray6 %nce-popular medications, such as Pro
THE O4ER OF OTI0IS0
%ptimism is one of the most important aspects of Being "appy6 his is not the same thing as false hope or denial6 %ptimists are simply people 7ho loo5 for7ard to things6 (n optimist is the 5ind of person 7ho 7a5es up in the morning and as5s, H"o7 much fun am ' going to have todayA "o7 am ' going to enoy myselfAI his is far from anarchy or pure hedonism6 hese are important :uestions 7e need to ans7er if 7e hope to master the art of Being "appy6 hese people create and nurture e;pectancy, and e;pectancy, as 7e@ve pointed out, is a 5ey factor in 4ringing a4out change6 "o7 are you going to enoy lifeA (nd, ho7 much have you 4een enoying your life so farA (ccording to >niversity of California psychology professor $ona Lyu4omirs5y, happy people tend to have very similar e;periences to unhappy people6 he difference is unhappy people spend
nearly t7ice as much time ruminating over disappointments than happy people6 3EM his is one of the reasons 7e avoid as5ing depressives 7hat they are 7orried a4out6 hey are seldom short of ans7ers6 (nd depression, if e;posed to it long enough, can 4e contagious6 3FM $ome people are loo5ing to find good things a4out life and some people are ust hoping to find something that ma5es them happy one day6 hese are the pessimists6 Pessimists appear optimistic in the sense that they 5eep hoping for something good to happen, 4ut the 7ay they go after 7hat they 7ant?that is, if they even 5no7 7hat they 7ant and actually do anything at all to achieve it?is often set up in a 7ay that ma5es it inevita4le that they fail6 #veryone 5no7s the person 7ho loves 4oo5s6 *e 5no7 one person 7ho 7ants to 5no7 everything there is to 5no7 a4out neuro4iology and 4uys every 4oo5 on the su4ect the moment it is pu4lished6 "e has a li4rary of thousands of 4oo5s?almost none of 7hich he has ever read6 "e is constantly hopeful that someho7 he 7ill a4sor4 the information contained in these 4oo5s, 4ut never crac5s a single volume6 he resultA "e@s also constantly disappointed so he 5eeps 4uying more 4oo5s in the hopes, 7e assume, that magically his collecting 7ill reach critical mass and all the 7orld@s 5no7ledge of neuro4iology 7ill spontaneously do7nload into his consciousness6 >nless he actually changes his strategy, he 7ill continue to 4e disappointed6 "is strategy for reading 4oo5s is a complete failure ho7ever, his strategy for 4eing disappointed functions perfectly6 't hasn@t failed yet6 "o7 could he stop himself from feeling do7n a4out his non-Mreading ha4itsA %ne solution 7ould 4e to learn to read :uic5ly, thus setting his responses so that the more he reads the 4etter he feels6 hat@s ho7 7e the authorsM ma5e our 7ay through hundreds of 4oo5s every year6 (nd, even though many of the 4oo5s have 4een a disappointment?especially those that steal other people@s 7or5 you 5no7 7ho you areM, 7e are never pessimistic a4out getting out of each 7hatever 7e 7ant6 he first time an audience 7as informed that Hdisappointment needs ade:uate planningI there 7as a collective mutter of confusion6 he audience needed to thin5 a4out it for a moment6 'f you do not plan to 4e disappointed, if you do not set up a catalogue of things that a4solutely have to 4e in place in order for you to 4e happy, then you 7ould not 5no7 7hen to have the feeling 7e call disappointment6
>ncontrolled disappointment can destroy lives, especially if 7e fail to understand ho7 the process of 4eing disappointed functions and its effect on us6 he mem4ers of one family 7ith the e;ception of the motherM sought help for their pro4lems one at a time6 #ach of them felt they 7ere responsi4le for the unhappiness and dysfunction of the others6 inally, the mother, the only family mem4er 7ho denied needing any 5ind of help, agreed to a meeting6 $he proceeded to descri4e in e;traordinary detail ho7 each mem4er of the family needed to 4ehave in any given situation in order for them all to H4e happyI6 he crisis came on their return from a long-a7aited holiday, planned 4y her to help them learn to 4e a family again, during 7hich one of the children accidentally slammed a door6 he mother declared the holiday HruinedI and insisted the family returned home6 $he said later, H' 7as so loo5ing for7ard to this time a7ay together, and no7 '@ve never 4een so disappointed in my life6I rom our point of vie7, the pro4lem is not a dysfunctional family@ or o4sessive-compulsive@ 4ehavior, or, even, as had 4een suggested 4y a psychiatrist, a 4orderline personality disorder@6 't 7as simply that the mother planned to 4e disappointed6 $he didn@t 5no7 ho7 to do things any other 7ay6 he pictures she created internally representing her model of achieva4le reality 7ere so detailed they resem4led virtual reality6 Not surprisingly, she had 4een diagnosed as dysle;ic, a condition that is often characteri
he 7oman replies, HNothingI6 "e rises and ta5es a sho7er6 *hen he comes out, she loo5s at him 7ith a raised eye4ro76 (gain he says, H*hatAI he 7oman repeats, HnothingI, and he goes off to 7or56 *hile he@s a7ay, she thin5s, H(h, ' 5no7 "e must have a 4ig surprise planned6 !ay4e he@s going to 4uy me a really e;pensive present may4e he@s organi
THE FOUR CONDITIONS OF BEIN+ HA/
3M (ccounta4ility 1M Proactivity M $ensory (cuity 2M (dapta4ility6 rom a com4ined e;perience of more than seven decades of helping people achieve their goals, 7e have identified four conditions that need to 4e present in order for Being "appy to 4e a reality6
THE FIRST CONDITION OF BEIN+ HA/ IS ACCOUNTABILIT/
he 4lunt truth is you are ans7era4le, accounta4le, for the results you get6 his doesn@t mean you are to 4lame for all of your pro4lems, or that you cannot get help in your ourney from 7homever andJor 7hatever is availa4le6 't simply means you stop, really stop, e;pecting to 4e the passive recipient of change6 $ometimes, 7or5ing for change 7ill 4e a partnership 7ith the person 7ho is your current teacher or mentor6 (t other times it 7ill 4e a solo occupation supported 4y a resource such as this 4oo56 (4ove all to 4e accounta4le or ans7era4le means no4ody can do this for you6 )ou have to go 4uy the 4oo56 )ou have to find the practitioner6 )ou have to decide on your o7n directions and outcomes, and you have to ma5e the plan6 $imply stated, you have to 4e the agent of your change6 Y>#$'%N "o7 ans7era4le are you to yourself for your life e;periences, 4oth positive and negativeA
THE SECOND CONDITION OF BEIN+ HA/ IS ROACTI5IT/
People 7ho are naturally inclined to Being "appy are a!tion+oriented6 *hen they decide 7hat they 7ant and 5no7 ho7 to go a4out pursuing it they 5no7 they have to act6 By contrast pessimism and depression are often mar5ed 4y ina!tion6 *hile it is sometimes necessary to ta5e time out, to rest and recuperate, it is never accepta4le to simply sit 4ac5 and 7ait for someone or something to come to your rescue6 Y>#$'%N "o7 proactive are youA Could you 4e more so if the re7ards are greaterA
THE THIRD CONDITION OF BEIN+ HA/ IS SENSOR/ ACUIT/
!any of the maor 4rea5throughs of NLP 7ere the result of its developers@ a4ility to pay attention, and to respond 7ithout preconceptions to 7hat 7as o4served6 'n the past, clinicians?especially psychologists?claimed to 4e impartial o4servers of human 4ehavior6 hey 7eren@t6 'n the early 3.0s, psychologists 7ere at 7ar over 7ho had the Hright approachI to psychotherapy6 Do
his happened 4ecause they 7ere driven 4y theory and limited 4y their o7n unconscious patterning 7hich predisposed them to failure6 hey 7ere all loo5ing at the content of the client@s e;perience, the H7hyZ, in order to discover 7hat 7as 7rong, hoping that if they 5ne7 enough a4out 7hy things 7ent 7rong, everything 7ould automatically come right6 hey 7ere trying to interpret 7hat their clients 7ere saying, and not noticing 7hat they 7ere doing6 Nor 7ere they noticing the effects of 7hat they themselves did 7ith their clients, intentionally or not6 (cuity is learna4le s5ill6 )ou need to develop your a4ility to notice 7hat is happening including the 7ay you are thin5ing, 4ehaving, reactingM in 7ays that create andJor maintain your pro4lems, and also 7hat the result is of any ne7 action or intervention that you 4ring into the situation6 'n this 7ay you also develop your a4ility to respond6 Y>#$'%N "o7 much conscious attention do you pay to your feelings and responses, as 7ell as to the 7orld around youA
THE FOURTH CONDITION OF BEIN+ HA/ IS ADATABILIT/
(dapta4ility is pro4a4ly the most important condition of Being "appy6 *ithout the facility to change your 4ehavior appropriately and creatively in response to your environment or to match plans you have made 4ut not yet achievedM, you 4ecome a helpless victim of chance and circumstance6 (ccepting that you need to cultivate adapta4ility and fle;i4ility?and, sometimes to 4e a4le to tolerate the am4iguity of not yet 5no7ing the ans7er?is also part of (ccounta4ility6 Cultivating these :ualities 7ill not simply help you feel 4etter and enoy things more6 (s 7e@ll later sho7, they may ust save your life6 (lthough 7e@ve put most of the practical e;ercises in the second part of this 4oo5, 7e are urging you to master the follo7ing e;ercise no76 )ou 7ill learn ho7 to loop, spin and anchor feelings6 hese are core s5ills you 7ill use throughout the Being "appy process6
Y>#$'%N Do you recover rapidly from an upsetA "o7 fle;i4le or adapta4le do you thin5 you areA
E.ERCISE !A: HO4 TO FEEL +OOD FOR NO ARTICULAR REASON
36 hin5 of a time and place 7here you felt e;traordinary pleasure 16 (naly
!> Thin8 of a ti3e an1 p7ace here yo2 fe7t e
Prefera4ly choose an event of some lasting significance in your life6 >se all your senses to do this remem4er 7hat you sa7, heard, and felt?perhaps even smelled and tasted6
"> Ana7y?e it>
(s you 4egin to re-enter the e;perience, notice ho7 you are recreating your pleasura4le event6 (re you ma5ing a particularly vivid picture of 7hat happened thenA Perhaps the sounds seem important6 (nd, particularly, notice the feeling that lets you 5no7 this feels good6
#> 0a8e the 3e3ory 3ore ;i;i1>
No7 ma5e the memory even more vivid6 !a5e the picture 4igger, 4ring it closer, intensify the colors turn up the sounds, or ma5e them more e;citing, or, perhaps, more mello76 'f it seems you are 7atching yourself in the memory, step into it, so you are surrounded in the e;perience6 !a5e it so it is as if you are actually there, right no76 (gain, pay particular attention to the feeling, noticing 7here it 4egins and 7here it goes6 a5e your time 7ith this step6 #ven if you do not get it at first, rest assured?there is al7ays a movement6 't is ust that 7e may not 4e used to paying this 5ind of attention to our internal landscape6
$> Loop it>
ust 4efore the feeling dissipates, connect it to its starting point so that it 4egins to run in a loop6 'ncrease the speed of the loop, spreading the sensation out so that it 4egins to fill your entire 4ody6 $pin it faster and faster until the feeling starts to Hpea5I, then
%> Anchor the e
irmly apply pressure to the 7e4 4et7een forefinger and thum4 7ith the finger and thum4 of the other hand6 "old it for a fe7 moments, then release6 his process is 5no7n as HanchoringI6
&> Repeat the pre;io2s three steps se;era7 ti3es>
#ach time you repeat the e;perience in your mind push the feelings of pleasure as far as they 7ill go, and then anchor them on your hand6
'> Test it>
est the availa4ility of this feel-good resource 4y pinching the 7e4 4et7een finger and thum4 in the same 7ay as in $tep E6 )ou should re-e;perience the feelings 7hich, if you li5e, you can loop and spin again, as in $tep 26
B(C9 % %P Note: 'f you find the anchor fades, it is easily restored 4y simply repeating the e;ercise a4ove6
(lso, 7henever you e;perience a naturally occurring enoya4le e;perience, repeat the anchoring $tep EM, to 4uild, or Hstac5I, the intensity of your response6
B#%R# )%> !%+# %N % "# N#X C"(P#R, ma5e a list of all the useful feelings you can you access, loop and anchor in a different placeM so you can increase your emotional repertoire6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
REFERENCES FOR CHATER ONE
.6 $cheier, !6 6, & Carver, C6 $6 3/EM6 %ptimism, coping, and health (ssessment and implications of generaliniversity Press 36 or an in teresting account of this phenomenon, go to httpJJ77767ired6comJmedtechJdrugsJ maga
326 aice5 G 3EM he place4o effect is the healing force of nature6 Cancer ournal /1M 22-2E 3E6 Lyu4omirs5y $ 32M he "edonistic Conse:uences of $ocial Comparison 'mplications for #nduring "appiness and ransient !ood6 ournal of Personality and $ocial Psychology . 3323 3F6 "atfield # et al6 32M #motional Contagion $tudies in #motional and $ocial 'nteraction6 Cam4ridge, >9 Cam4ridge >niversity Press B(C9 % %P
CHATER T4O: THE URSUIT OF HAINESS
*hat *or5s and *hat Doesn@t
'n this chapter O Chasing that thing called happiness O he one step that can revolutioni
CHASIN+ HAINESS The Se;en Co3ponents of Happiness:
3M )our Parents 1M $ome7here to Go M "aving !oney
2M "aving riends EM "aving Choices FM Living in the "ere and No7
.M "aving a Purpose
Chasing after a thing@ called happiness is a human o4session at least for those people luc5y enough not to 4e preoccupied 7ith a daily 4attle for physical survival6 (stonishingly, fe7 people pursuing the secret@ of happiness have the slightest idea of 7hat happiness is or if they@d recogni
H*hen ' get marriedI H*hen ' get to spend more time 7ith my 5ids, H*hen, 7hen, 7hen=t"en '@ll 4e happyI6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
Beginning 7ith 7hen@ means your attention is not 7here it should 4e, on w"at,s "appening now6 Research 4ac5s our o4servation that most people are notoriously 4ad at predicting 7ith any accuracy 7hat 7ill ma5e them happy6 'ronically, most people manage to 4e highly specific a4out ho7 life could fail them and ho7 4ad that 7ill ma5e them feel6 3.M *e@ve already touched on the fact that a thing called happiness doesn@t actually e;ist6 he more you 4elieve it does, the less li5ely you are to ever find it6 "appiness is not li5e a piece of real estate you can 4uy and move into6 "appiness occurs as a 4y-product of doing or getting something else, and is not necessarily achieved 4y accumulating more stuff, or meeting that HspecialI someone6 'f you do not identify 7hat actions and activities trigger your o7n positive responses, or, if you stop doing 7hat already 7or5s, the good feelings slip through your fingers6 hroughout this 4oo5, 7e emphasi
inevita4le and unavoida4le from that 7hich can 4e changed6 #:ually important, these tools teach you ho7 to develop the commitment to act, and thus to ma5e the changes that give you the 4iggest returns6 )ou 7ill not necessarily pass into some permanent state of $amadhi forever free of pro4lems and set4ac5sM, 4ut you 7ill come to understand ho7 you respond to pro4lems, the effect this has
on your situation and develop the a4ility to change that response 7hen needed6 't is an ongoing process of optimi
!> /OUR ARENTS
*e@ve put this one at the top of the list as an inoculation against the e;cuses 7e often hear for the pro4lems people face 't is my mother or fatherM, 't is in my genes 't is ust the 7ay ' am6 he truth is = it is6 (nd it is not6 urns out, it is up to you6
or many years, a cheerful disposition has 4een considered to 4e a learned response6 "appy parents seemed to have happy children depressive parents produced gloomy and despondent offspring6 Recently, ho7ever, scientists have identified a gene variant that helps people favor the 4right and positive over the negative and dull6 he study, 7hich e;amined people\s su4liminal preferences for happy, neutral, or threatening images, concluded that su4ects 7ho had inherited t7o copies of the long variant of E-"LPR, a gene that controls transport of the mood and affects the neurotransmitter serotonin, clearly preferred positive images over negative ones 7hen compared 7ith those 7ho had ust one short variant of the same gene6 3/M
But, does this mean that anyone 7ithout the happiness gene@ is condemned to a life of misery and despairA (4solutely not6 Contrary to 7hat some geneticists 7ould have us 4elieve, having a particular active gene only predisposes us to7ards certain illnesses and 4ehaviors6 his influence occurs to much less of a degree than most people 4elieve6 ar more important is the environment, 4oth internal and e;ternal, in 7hich that gene e;presses itself6 he secrets and s5ills of Being "appy give you the tools to shift your neurochemistry there4y altering your internal and your response to your e;ternal environment, systematically and consistently6 hrough this process you change your feelings, and it is possi4le you may actually change the gene itself6 3M Read that last sentence again6 )es )ou do have the a4ility to re7rite your o7n genetic code 4y the choices you ma5e, the actions you ta5e and the life you live6 'f you are una4le to find the motivation to this for yourself, then do it for the 5ids you might have6 Become the 4est you possi4le6
"> SO0E4HERE TO +O
If you do not know w"ere you are going% any road wi get you t"ere./ Le7is Carroll
Goals are important no dou4t a4out it6 But they are not important in the 7ay most people thin56 Rather than 7asting effort trying to force your goals to success, allo7 your goals to guide you6 'n other 7ords, set goals that enhance your life rather than create o4stacles 7ithin it6 (s 7e e;plain in a later chapter, this is not a license to go 4ac5 to the old 7ays of letting life 5ic5 you around li5e a foot4all rather it is recognition that 4eing sensitive to changes, 4oth inside and outside of yourself, 7ill help you adapt in more positive and re7arding 7ays6 $tic5ing rigidly to outdated goals and outcomes 4reeds dissatisfaction6 Research supports our claim that people 7ho are prepared to change direction in order to match their evolving needs end up measura4ly happier a4out 0S more, say the scientistsM than those 7ho do not6 10M
$o ho7 do you 5no7 if your goals are good goalsA Good goals are usually easily visuali
+OALS E.ERCISE !B: /OUR 5ALUES A>
36 Rapidly, and 7ithout too much thought, list 30 things that are most important to you6 hese are values, such as HloveI, HpeaceI, HfamilyI, HsecurityI 16 Prioriti
or e;ample, HsecurityI might turn up adacent to HadventureI6 'n practice, it 7ould 4e difficult al7ays to 4e secure 7hile enoying adventure6 F6 No7, carefully drag each icon into a ne7 position, upgrading some and do7ngrading others6
or e;ample, HadventureI might need to 4e one or t7o positions higher in the arrangement, or HsecurityI needs to 4e dragged do7n6 #nsure that the su4-modality of the icon changes to match its ne7 position6 )ou may notice a physical sensation as the icons recode internally6M .6 est each change, revie7ing ho7 it 7ould play out in real life, and adusting its position if necessary6 /6 *hen you have made sure all conflicts have 4een resolved, ta5e a fe7 moments to 4rainstorm 7ays you can meet the needs of each value6 Proect yourself into the future to test the practicality of the ne7 arrangement6 't may 4e you can follo7 one path for a 7hile, 4efore em4ar5ing on another6 %r, sometimes a value turns out to 4e less important than you thought, and you can simply delete it6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
+OALS: 4OR-IN+ TO /OUR STREN+THS
'n 4usiness and the more aggressive schools of self-development, people are encouraged to ac:uire HmotivationI, as if motivation is something you can get 4y the gallon at the filling station6 $ome NLP trainers are 5no7n for their a4ility to hype people up that you can almost see them tearing out of a seminar in a state of high e;citement, then s5idding to a halt 7ith that e;pression on their faces that goes, H>m = o5ay = (h=*here do ' go no7AI hen again, any goal is not necessarily 4etter than none at all6 Goals can do more harm than good if your goals are not 7ell thought out fit for purposeM and, if you are not fle;i4le enough in pursuing them6 $ome goals do not match the needs, nature and a4ilities of the person 7ho sets them6 or e;ample, not everyone is cut out to accept all the responsi4ilities that having vast amounts of
money involve6 People seldom ta5e the trou4le to inventorying their uni:ue needs, nature and a4ilities, so do not notice the mismatch6 (nd if that happens, the li5elihood is that you can end up even more dissatisfied than 4efore6 11M Be honest 7ith yourself6 (re you really ready to accept the responsi4ilities associated 7ith the achievement of your greatest dreamA a5e some time to consider the ramifications of getting e;actly 7hat you 7ant 4efore moving on6 "o7 7ill achieving it impact other areas of your lifeA "o7 7ill the people 7ho are important to you 4e affectedA
+OALS: +OIN+ FOR IT
Being "appy, as 7e@ve already suggested, is a side-effect of doing something else6 Being happy often lies more in moving to7ards material goals, than in achieving them6 he anticipation of success rates is consistently rated more highly than actual reali
#> HA5IN+ 0ONE/
'f you 7ant to 4e happier, healthier and live longer, the solution is simple = get rich6 Received 7isdom is that you cannot 4uy happiness?a 4elief usually promoted 4y people 7ho do not have money, or, 4y many religions, governments and other authorities responsi4le for convincing their su4ects that they are 4etter off than they thin56 But is it actually trueA Research given 7idespread coverage a fe7 years ago claimed a strong correlation 4et7een life satisfaction and purchasing po7er6 he study found people did feel 4etter 7hen they earned more6 But, curiously, the effect didn\t appear to increase at the same rate as individual 7ealth6 (ccording to Professor Richard Layard, often called Britain@s "appiness sar, the correlation 4et7een 7ealth and happiness disappeared once the gross national product e;ceeded ^3E,000 per person a year6 12M
%ther studies sho7ed that, contrary to e;pectations, poorer people?such as those living in the slums of Calcutta?7ere not necessarily deeply dissatisfied 7ith their lot6 1EM Cheerfulness and optimism, the e;perts said, can flourish in the unli5eliest places, and 7ere not dependant upon 7ealth6
Part of this particular vie7point is 4ased on an earlier study 4y Richard #asterlin claiming that though 4etter-off people 7ere generally happier than their poorer counterparts in a given country, people living in 7ealthy nations 7ere not necessarily happier than those in poorer countries6 his 4ecame 5no7n as T"e 0asterin 1arado&. 1FM >nfortunately, the conclusions are 7rong6 he samples used in #asterlin@s study 7ere too small to 4e significant, unli5e another study in 100/ 7hich proved e;actly the opposite the citiniversity of Pennsylvania, analy
he 'etwork on So!ioe!onomi! Status and 2eat" dra7s data from the fields of psychology, sociology, psychoneuroimmunology, medicine, epidemiology, neuroscience, 4iostatistics, and
economics6 heir finding is une:uivocal6 )our position on the So!ioe!onomi! S!ae $#$M directly impacts various environmental and psychosocial path7ays to affect the functioning of your 4iology6 $imply put, money not only 4uys happiness, 4ut it can 4uy you a longer, healthier, happier life6 1/M %f course, this doesn@t mean that rich people are never unhappy or sic5, or that money 7ill guarantee that you are happy and live forever6 Nor does it mean that stressing out to 5eep up 7ith the oneses, 7hat economists call he "edonic readmill, is going to help you in the long run6 he reason 7e emphasi
FEELIN+ 4EALTH/
*e in NLP have al7ays emphasi
People can feel rich internally, e;ternally, or 4oth6 )ou can loo5 at your 4an5 4alance and congratulate yourself on 4eating the credit crunch and hanging on to your money6 %r you can turn your attention in7ard and revie7 those e;periences, situations, a4ilities and responses that give you a 7arm, flo7ing glo7 in the area around your heart6 Gratitude, that 7onderful state of 4eing is essentially identifying and appreciating everyone and everything that ma5e you happy to 4e alive6 't is a po7erful tool for connecting 7ith others and for healing and gro7th6 0M he follo7ing e;ercise 7ill allo7 you to identify and cultivate gratitude6
E.ERCISE ": +RATITUDE IN5ENTOR/
36 'n a note4oo5 dra7 three vertical columns6 Give each column a heading Column 3M (ssets,
Column 1M (ttri4utes, and Column M Relationships6
16 No7, 4egin to fill out each in some detail6 Un1er Assets hese may 4e material for e;ample?H' o7n my house outrightIM or physical
say?H' am the fittest '@ve ever 4eenIM6 (ssets may refer to your e;perience, such as educational :ualifications, 7or5 e;perience and so on
Un1er Attri92tes: hese are practical a4ilities, such as 4eing a4le to complete proects on time,
as 7ell as emotional capa4ilities, such as patience, endurance, even temper etc6 Un1er Re7ationships:list all those people friends and familyM you are confident you can rely on6
hin5 if ' 7as in trou4le in the middle of the night could ' call up any of these people and 5no7 7ithout a moment@s dou4t that they 7ill turn out to help meA
6 *hen you have at least 10 in each category feel free to as5 your family, friends and colleagues for suggestionsM, choose one from each6
26 %n a separate page, one for each item, 7rite a sentence 4eginning 7ith Today I am gratefu t"at3for 4../ and fill in the relevant 7ords or phrase6
E6 #ach morning, ta5e a fe7 moments to immerse yourself in gratitude6 his is ho7 you do that6 ind one e;ample of each asset, attri4ute and relationship6 'magine you are actually e;periencing each in turn6 (4sor4 yourself into 7hat you see, hear, and feel, and let the physical sensation this triggers 4egin to flo7 throughout your 4ody6 Notice the direction in 7hich it is moving, and lin5 the end-point to the 4eginning so that it 4egins to spin6 No7 speed up the spin, allo7ing the feeling to move muscle to muscle, cell to cell, atom to atom until you have a full-4ody e;perience6
F6 Ne;t, 4riefly imagine yourself moving into the day 7ith that feeling permeating your entire 4eing6 "o7 7ould it change your e;perienceA *hat 7ould 4e different and 4etterA !ost important 7ho are the people 7ith 7hom you 7ould li5e to share this special 5ind of 7ealth6 "o7 7ill you do itA $ee ne;t 5ey component of Being "appy, "aving riendsM KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
Note: o receive the ma;imum 4enefit, this is an e;ercise you should do every day6 eel free to
5eep adding to your gratitude lists6 'f you open your senses and are honest 7ith yourself, you 7ill never run out of things that 4ring a real sense of richness into your life6 B(C9 % %P
$@ HA5IN+ FRIENDS
HRemem4er, No man is a failure 7ho has friends6I rom 't is a *onderful Life@, 32F
%f course, sharing your good fortune presupposes you have people to share it 7ith6 his is a4solutely crucial to your 7ell-4eing6 !ultiple studies, including one of the most convincing longitudinal studies ever conducted, support the 4elief that personal 7ell-4eing is dramatically enhanced 4y the friends and social support you have6 3M 't is 7idely 4elieved that .0S of personal happiness has 4een ascri4ed to having a sufficient num4er of friends and family 7ith 7hom to share your life6 1M Later on in this 4oo5, 7e 7ill offer you po7erful 7ays of e;panding and deepening your social 4onds6
%@ HA5IN+ CHOICES
H)ou may thin5 that in life, a lot of things happen to you along the 7ay6 he truth is, in life, you happen to a lot of things along the 7ay6I (nonymous
or many years, NLP practitioners have preached that having several choices is 4etter than having none6 't 7as often said, H'f you have one choice, you are stuc56 'f you have t7o, you are on the horns of a dilemma6 'f you have three or more, you have 4ehavioral fle;i4ility6I
his doesn@t automatically mean that having numerous choices is 4etter than having only a fe76 Researchers no7 agree that too many options may actually paraly
"o7ever, the definition of choice 7ithin the NLP community differs some7hat from 7hat is usually understood to mean simply options, alternatives, selections or preferences6 (s e;plained earlier, choice in NLP terms means to have an option at a neurological level6 'f someone doesn@t have the neural net7or5 to support a particular feeling or 4ehavior, they 7ill 4e una4le to ma5e that transition6 'f you have never loo5ed out from a tall 4uilding 7ithout panic5ing even if you haven@t tried imagining doing soM, it is unli5ely you@ll ever get over a fear of heights6 his 4oo5 is largely a4out e;ploring appropriate choices, and then using the principles and techni:ues 7e present to create the neurological foundations for freeing yourself from the chains of the past6 his 7ay, you@ll never have too many options or too fe76 )ou@ll al7ays 4e a4le to generate for yourself ust the right choice at the right time6
&@ LI5IN+ IN THE HERE AND NO4 92t on7y so3eti3es@
H)esterday is 4ut a dream, tomorro7 4ut a vision6 But today 7ell lived ma5es every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorro7, a vision of hope6 Loo5 7ell, therefore, to this dayI $ans5rit Prover4
!uch has 4een said and 7ritten over past forty centuries a4out the desira4ility of living in the present moment6 #ntire movements are 4ased on 4eing here no7, 7ith little real evidence that the participants@ lives are any 4etter for it6 "o7ever attractive the concept of the Heternal presentI, you still have to remem4er 7here you put your car 5eys and plan to pic5 up the 5ids from soccer later this afternoon6 *hat is evident and capturing the attention of researchersM is the fact that the a4ility to focus on 7hat is actually happening at any one moment, rather than on 7hat has happened, or 7hat might happen, is a po7erful antidote to negative feelings, including pain, an;iety and depression6 *hen
you stop resisting the physical discomfort of a particular pro4lem state, your response 7ill often change6 his hints at the possi4ility that this might 4e an innate dissipative approach that allo7s you spontaneously to discharge stress and reorgani
E.ERCISE #: 4HAT IS6 IS
Letting it 4e
a6 !a5e the conscious decision to drop any internal tal5 a4out the pro4lem6
Let your attention 4e on the 7ay it presents itself, simply as a physical sensation6 Notice its location, si
'@ HA5IN+ A UROSE
T"ose w"o stand for not"ing fa for anyt"ing/ (le;ander "amilton, 3../
"aving a purpose or meaning in life turns out to 4e so important to health, happiness and 7ell4eing that 7e 7ill devote several chapters to 7hat it means and ho7 to find your o7n personal mission6 "istorically, people 7ho demonstrate a strong sense of meaning or purpose tend to 4e seen in retrospect as more heroic, 7orthy and successful than those 7ho do not6 o have purpose, you do not need to 4e a larger-than-life character in order to harness and 4enefit from your innate in need for purpose and meaning6 $maller missions are also important in moving you for7ard6 "o7ever, it is important to 5eep the ultimate outcome in mind, or suffer the conse:uences6 or e;ample a student 4attling 7ith a massive study-load is more li5ely to succum4 to stress and 4urnout if he or she fails to refer 4ac5 to the reasons for studying and its eventual outcome6 *ithout purpose, the steps along the 7ay may 4ecome over7helming, or ust plain dull6 M
%n the other hand, clearly defining and holding in your mind the reasons for 7hat you are doing 7ill help maintain your momentum6 ( purpose presented in a 7ay that is credi4le to your unconscious mind that is, vividly imagined, using all your sensesM increases 4oth satisfaction and ease of achievement6
he astute reader might have noticed 4y no7 that most of happiness@s prere:uisites often e;ist outside the individual@s immediate control6 *hile 7e encourage you to identify and pursue the goals and proects that ma5e you feel good, 7e 7ant to emphasi
e;ternal HpropsI6 (ll you needed 7as access to a previous e;perience that you could use as a template6 (s you read on, set aside any dou4ts as to 7hether you@ll ever have enough money, friends, top o4s or great neigh4ors to ma5e a difference6 Rather loo5 inside for the ra7 material for creating a life of oy = your model of the 7orld6
B#%R# !%+'NG %N % "# N#X C"(P#R ma5e a list of all the things that currently ma5e you feel happy6 >se the information a4ove to help you, 4ut feel free to note anything that doesn@t appear6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
REFERENCES AND FOOTNOTES FOR CHATER T4O
3.6 Gil4ert D 100FM6 $tum4ling on "appiness6 London "arper Press 3/6 Loo5ing on the 4right side 4iased attention and the human serotonin transporter gene Proc6 R6 $oc6 B !ay 11, 100 1.F3.2.-3.E3 pu4lished online 4efore print e4ruary 1E, 100, doi30630/Jrsp46100/63.// 36 Lipton B 100EM6 he Biology of Belief6 Carls4ad, C( "ay "ouse 'nc6
106 (dams D 3/M6 he Psychological Development of Professional Blac5 *omen\s Lives and the Conse:uences of Career for heir Personal "appiness6 Ph6D6 diss6 * right 'nstitute, Ber5eley, California 136 *ilson $, "enry C, Peterson G 3.M6 ZLife $atisfaction (mong Lo7-'ncome Rural )outh 'n (ppalachia6Z ournal of (dolescence 10 22 116 Pavot *, uita , Diener # 3.M he Relation Bet7een $elf-(spect Congruence, Personality and $u4ective *ell-4eing6 Personality and 'ndividual Differences 11 3/ 16 Davidson R, in he Pursuit of "appiness6 Psychology oday, anuaryJe4ruary 1006 Pp F1F. 126 Layard R 100M6 "appiness "as $ocial $cience a ClueA Lionel Ro44ins !emorial Lectures, London $chool of #conomics6 $ee httpJJcep6lse6ac6u5JeventsJlecturesJlayardJRL0006pdf 1E6 Bis7as-Diener R, Diener # 1001M6 !a5ing the 4est of a 4ad situation $atisfaction in the slums of Calcutta6 $ocial 'ndicators Research, EE, 1-E16 1F6 #asterlin R( 3.2M6 Does #conomic Gro7th 'mprove the "uman LotA 'n Paul ( David and !elvin * Reder, eds6, Nations and "ouseholds in #conomic Gro7th #ssays in "onor of !oses (4ramo7it<6 Ne7 )or5 (cademic Press, 'nc6 1.6 $tevenson B, and *olfers 100/M #conomic Gro7th and $u4ective *ell-4eing Reassessing the #asterlin Parado; - httpJJideas6repec6orgJpJcprJceprdpJF226html 1/6 httpJJ7776macses6ucsf6eduJNe7sJReachingS10forS10aS10"ealthierS10Life6pdf 16 '4id6 06 Cohen, $6, Gottlie4, B6, & >nder7ood, L6 1000M6 $ocial relationships and health6 'n $6 Cohen, L6 >nder-7ood, & B6 Gottlie4 #ds6M !easuring and intervening in social support pp6? 1/M6 Ne7 )or5 %;ford >niversity Press 36 #golf B, La s5er , *olf $, Potvin L 31M he Roseto #ffect a E0-year comparison of mortality rates6 (merican ournal of Pu4lic "ealth /1/M 30/-16
16 !urray C, Peacoc5 ! 3FM6 ( !odel-ree (pproach to the $tudy of $u4ective * ell4eing6 'n !ental "ealth in Blac5 (merica6 housand %a5s, C( $age 6 Rahman D, 9hale:ue ( 3FM6 Zhe Purpose in Life and (cademic Behavior of Pro4lem $tudents6Z $ocial 'ndicators Research E
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CHATER THREE: CREATIN+ A 4ORLD /OU=LL LO5E LI5IN+ IN
!aps, !odels and !ental Constructs 'n this chapter O *hat ma5es reality realA O he source of pain and limitation O Developing deep e;pertise and intuition
O Learning from your mista5es6
'magine for a moment, you decide to vacation at the la5e 7here you spent so much time fishing 7ith your Dad6 )ou may head out, guided only 4y your memory6 Perhaps you remem4er e;actly ho7 you got there, the route you too5 e;iting the high7ay on to the narro7, 4umpy road6 (s you travel, the road 7inds through a cornfield 4efore emerging in a grove of trees 4efore 4eginning the slo7 descent do7n to the la5e6
%r, may4e you dug out an old map, 7ell-7orn and creased6 )ou pac5ed your gear, load the 5ids into your car, and set out6 #;iting off the high7ay you turn on to a road that no7 seems a lot 7ider and 4etter surfaced than you remem4er6 he cornfield has given 7ay to a housing development, 4ut the line of trees is still there6 hen, as you pass through the grove anticipating your first glimpse of the la5e, you find to your surprise a massive shopping mall stretching almost as far as the eye can see6 No7, it\s easy to understand that the times and the terrain have changed6 )ou do not try to drive through the mall to get to the other side6 Perhaps, you either as5 for directions, or you find a gas station or some other outlet, and 4uy a ne7 map6 %f course today 7ith the development of glo4al positioning satellites, in-car navigation systems, $martphone apps and Google #arth, it\s a lot easier to find your 7ay6 )ou can estimate arrival times, avoid traffic snarls and even verify 7ith certainty 7hether the hotel is as near to the 4each as the 4rochure claims6 *e have come a long 7ay since the days of medieval mapma5ing 7hen most cartographers 4elieved the 7orld 7as flat and its edges patrolled 4y dangerous sea-serpents and dragons6 Nevertheless, as anyone 7ho has 4een let do7n 4y even the most up-to-date electronic e:uipment 7ill testify, no map is 300S accurate, nor can it 4e6 ( map, ho7ever detailed remains nothing more than a representation of a particular territory rather than the territory itself6 his analogy is as true of the data you use to find your 7ay to a vacation resort as it is of the information you employ in navigating your 7ay through life6 'n T"e Stru!ture of Magi! more than 0 years ago it is stated that H*e as human 4eings do not act directly on the 7orld6 #ach of us creates a representation of the 7orld in 7hich 7e live?that is 7e create a map or model 7hich 7e use to generate our 4ehavior6 %ur representation of the 7orld determines to a large degree 7hat our e;perience of the 7orld 7ill 4e, ho7 7e 7ill perceive the 7orld, 7hat choices 7e 7ill see availa4le to us as 7e live in the 7orld6I 2M he idea of mental mapping itself is not ne76 or millennia, great thin5ers, including the rishis of the "imalayas, he Buddha, Plato, (lfred 9or
4eliefs, needs and e;pectations6 (s humans 7e create mental maps or models that 7e use to negotiate the rapids of 7hatever reality might actually 4e6 Neuro-Linguistic Programming ta5es this to the ne;t level6 *hat the developers of NLP accomplished 7ith 4rilliant simplicity 7as the identification of the mechanics 4ehind the creation of mental models6 'dentification led to the development of change-agent strategies6 his provided options for improved perception, 7hich in turn increased people@s options, choices and opportunities6
So3e of the 8ey i1eas of NL inc721e:
3M #veryone relies on data from their senses to create their uni:ue internal realities 1M #ach of us distills this sensory data uni:uely, reducing the information availa4le, interpreting it differently, and dra7ing certain conclusions from it M *e each have our sensory inta5e preferences6 $ome people are more comforta4le 7ith visual information others rely more on 7ords or feelings 2M he mental maps 7e create differ in some degree from the maps of other people6 Put simply, 7e are living together in different 7orlds EM he fifth, and argua4ly the most revolutionary presupposition of NLP is that it is often easier to change someone@s map or model of the 7orld than it is to change to 7orld itself6
*hen 7e understand "ow as opposed to w"y 7e create a particular e;perience, 7e are e ;ploring stru!ture and pro!ess rather than story and !ontent6 By changing the structure or process, 7e
change the e;perience6 Li5e the engineer 7ho charged the Navy a small fortune for fi;ing a nuclear su4marine 4y 4anging on a pipe, 5no7ing 7hich pipe needs 4anging, and ho7 hard to 4ang, is the secret of positive and lasting change6 'n the years since T"e Stru!ture of Magi! 7as pu4lished, neuroscience, psychology and the e;perience of hundreds of thousands of people have come to support its claims6 $cientists around the 7orld no7 agree that our sense of reality is a narrative 7e recite to ourselves6
Psychologist $usan Blac5more summed it up 4y noting that each 4rain e;isting in a 7orld constructs its story, its Hgreat confa4ulationI6 EM he term Hmental modelI first appeared in 9enneth Crai5@s 32 4oo5, T"e 'ature of 0&panation6 FM he idea had 4een previously e;plored to some degree 4y Georges-"enri Lu:uet in Le Dessin 0nfantin Children@s Dra7ingsM6 Lu:uet suggested that children construct internal models
in order to understand and represent the 7orld6 .M !ental model ma5ing faded into the 4ac5ground until Richard Bandler and ohn Grinder reintroduced and e;plored the process in T"e Stru!ture of Magi!6 heir analysis had a profound impact on the fields of applied psychology and sports as 7ell as personal and corporate development6 'n recent years, it has made ne7 inroads in the delivery of health care and education6 7o 4oo5s, 4oth titled Menta Modes, appeared in the 3/0s6 he first 7as 4y Princeton professor of psychology Philip ohnson-Laird /M the second 4y (l4ert $tevens and Dedre Gentner6M $ince then, the concept of mental models has gained 4oth credence and important, in 4oth cognitive and computer science6 !ental models profoundly influence human 4ehavior6 "o7ever mental models may 4e parado;ical, fragmentary or ungrounded in verifia4le fact6 (t times they may even 4e hallucinatory6 rom our point of vie7, 7hether a mental model is true or untrue is less important than 7hether it is fit for purpose6
To s233ari?e6 2a7ity 3enta7 3o1e7s:
O $hould share a similar structure to 7hatever they represent, 4ut 4e constructed more simply the map can never represent in all its details the territory it see5s to represent, 4ut it should 4ear sufficient resem4lance to 4e useful to the travelerM O $hould stri5e a 4alance 4et7een too much detail 7hich 7ould ma5e them cum4ersome and slo7M, and too little detail 7hich 7ould ma5e accurate predictions difficultM O $hould 4e adapta4le as e;ternal circumstances change6
he final :uality, that of adapta4ility, is possi4ly the most difficult to achieve6 *hile mental models are unsta4le, in that they can 4e changed 4y altering their structure, their 4uilding 4loc5s, the foundation of each, tends to 4e more dura4le6 or e;ample, 7hen the person of your dreams reects your advances, your perception of him or her as 5ind and lova4le may change6 But, li5e all the other 4illions of highly information-rich frames that comprise your e;perience the smell of roses, the shape of an oa5-leaf, the play of light in a Canaletto paintingM it is highly unli5ely that you can completely forget his or her face6 'n this e;ample, the reection is the change6 he person, hisJher face, is part of the foundation of your mental model6 20M (n effective mental model needs to 4e logically applica4le and amenda4le?7hat 7e call runna4le6 his means you can use it to predict actions and results6 ( runna4le mental model must 4e easily adusted if something doesn@t 7or56 or e;ample, if you are compelled to turn up at the door of the person 7ho reected you, as5ing for a date 7ithout thought of the conse:uences, even after they@ve ta5en out a court order against you, you can 4e reasona4ly sure that particular mental model is not applica4le and amenda4le6 *ith time, the face of the o4ect of your devotions might dim, distort or drop out of your constant attention6 he mallea4ility of mental models suggests that the meaning of its component parts, as 7ell as its totality, can 4e easily changed6 his is a 5ey theme of this 4oo56
THE ADDITION OF LAN+UA+E
(s the co-founders of NLP correctly stated, the most significant determining factor in ho7 7e construct reality is language6 Language allo7s us to impose order on the H4looming, 4u<
Not every culture does this6 he Nuu-chah-nulth or Noot5a tri4e living on the sea7ard coast of +ancouver 'sland in Canada, have only one principle form that corresponds 4roadly 7ith the #nglish ver46 heir language manages this 7ithout ta5ing either su4ect or o4ect6 he Noot5a e;perience of reality, therefore, can 4e thought of as an endless fow of being6 #ven tangi4le o4ects li5e trees and 4oulders are regarded as e;tended temporal processes ? HtreeingI and H4oulderingI6 23M >nderstanding the role of language in creating mental models gives you enormous po7er to change your e;perience of the 7orld and, 4y default, ho7 you respond to it6 Consensus reality, that is, 7hatever is agreed to 4e HrealI 7ithin a society, depends upon a collective synergy of individual mental models6 Needless to say, disconnects in model-ma5ing, 7here the modelma5ers e;perience themselves as living in and defending separate 7orlds, is the starting point of most human conflict6 21M
THE ED+E OF THE 0ODEL
!ental models allo7 people to e;plain and function in their 7orld, 7hile providing each 7ith a sense of safety6 *hen you are functioning unchallenged 7ithin your model, prefera4ly 7ith people of li5e mind, you feel safe6 )et, as you move out7ards to7ards the limits of a particular strongly defended mindset, especially if you leave your tri4e and stri5e out on your o7n, 7hat you@ll feel is fear6 he pattern-ma5ingJpattern-matching parts of your 4rain have less and less to hold on to6 ear can, and often does, 4ecome panic6 'ndeed, your mind through fear decides there really are dragons and sea-serpents at the edge of the 7orld6 he :uestion 4ecomes, 7hat is the antidote to 4ecoming entrenched in and reliant upon outdated mental modelsA he ans7er is simple6 Develop a deep e;pertise in as many fields as possi4le6 'n other 7ords, learn and 5eep learning6 9no7ledge and proficiency are 5ey ingredients of the antidote6
DEE E.ERTISE
#;pertise is defined as the possession of speciali
sufficient num4er of superior mental models and couple these 7ith a proficiency to move 4et7een them6 (n ina4ility to entertain, e;plore and apply different mental models stops you progressing, and may have fatal conse:uences6 Disasters of the cali4er of $eptem4er 33, 1003, hree !ile 'sland and $pace $huttle Colum4ia display different physical causes, yet all share the commonality of system malfunction6 $ystem malfunction results 7hen 5ey players fail to loo5 at situations from different perspectives using data already in their possession6 #;perience, 4oth practical and theoretical, is the most common source of the 4uilding 4loc5s of ne7 mental models6 No amount of 4oo5-learning 7ill allo7 you to 4ecome a competent pianist, 4rain-surgeon, or NLP practitioner6 (t the same time, e;perience 7ithout a theoretical frame7or5 tends to lac5 form and direction6 Later in this 4oo5, 7e e;plore the cutting-edge thought e;periments that 7ill optimi
INTUITION
$uccessful people are usually intuitive thin5ers6 hey are more sensitive to their Hgut feelingsI and, more li5ely to 4elieve these feelings 7ill direct them to7ards more desira4le outcomes6 )et, as any good po5er player 7ill confirm, in order to trust a gut feeling, you need to 5no7 its source6 he richer the source, the more pro4a4le it is that your hunch 7ill 4e right6 herefore, if you 7ish to develop your intuition, you need to 4uild the depth and 4readth of your mental models, and learn to develop the a4ility to assem4le and reassem4le them in 7ays that support your desired outcomes6 !any scientists regard the concept of intuition 7ith suspicion6 )et, the most superficial o4servation sho7s us that some people are more inclined than others to respond regularly to their hunches, and these people seem to have a significant num4er of hits6 he NLP approach to modeling comple; and perple;ing 4ehavior has produced considera4le insight into intuition and intuitive processes6 !uch of this insight has 4een su4stantiated 4y a gro7ing collection of pioneering studies6 'ntuition, it seems, favors those people 7ho actively pursue deep e;pertise6 he a4ility to delve deep into our internal data4ase for 5no7ledge and e;perience is a characteristic of intuitive thin5ing6 "o7ever, the data4ase needs to 4e frontloaded and continually updated in order to facilitate recom4inant thin5ing?that is, the a4ility to 4lend e;isting modules of information in ne7 and creative permutations6
#;pert chess players have 4een found to have a greater num4er of comple; mental models than novices6 !astery is highly dependent on detailed, content-specific 5no7ledge a4out the game coupled 7ith an a4ility to access and apply that 5no7ledge in highly efficient, often une;pected 7ays6 his may seem o4vious, 4ut, ac:uiring mastery not only improves performance, 4ut actually changes the architecture of the 4rain6 !erim Bilalic, from Germany@s _4ingen >niversity, compared functional magnetic resonance images f!R'M of chess masters and novices and discovered that, rather than simply using a more comple; and rapid decision-ma5ing strategy than the novices, the e;perts had ac:uired the a4ility to use the right hemisphere, as 7ell as the left6 !astery, they concluded, is a 7hole-4rain process6 2M "er4ert ( $imon, a leading researcher in human consciousness, 4elieves intuition is the a4ility to access and use the 5no7ledge in mental models6 22M (ccording to $imon, intuitive 4rea5through often emerges out of a period of frustration, follo7ed 4y a sense that a solution is imminent, and then, the discovery of a ne7 7ay of representing the pro4lem6 he pro4lem is set aside for a period of Hincu4ationI, after 7hich insight suddenly surfaces in conscious a7areness6 (nother :uality identified in intuitive people is confidence6 he 5ind of confidence that is characteristic of intuitive people also occurs among those 7e regard as Being "appy6 ay, a professional medical intuitive, says, H(ll this his intuitionM doesn@t come out of no7here6 ' am massively interested in my su4ect, the 7or5ing of the human 4ody and mind, and ' am constantly reading across many, many different fields6 his is not characteristic of specialists in medicine or science6 $pecialists seldom even tal5 to other specialists from areas of e;pertise outside their o7n6 H' 4elieve this is a foundation of my 5ind of intuition6 't certainly gives me confidence to go 7ith my hunches6 $ometimes something that is considered to 4e pathological 7ithin one set of 4eliefs is regarded as healthy, or even desira4le, 7ithin another6 Certain psychoses have much in common 7ith the 5ind of transcendental e;perience familiar to some people 7ho practice Buddhist, or other 5inds of, meditation6 HBut, ' al7ays give my insights a reality chec56 ' do not thin5 intuitive thin5ing should ever 4e applied to the e;clusion of rational analysis6 (ny hunch, ho7ever strong, should 4e carefully chec5ed out 4y your logical 4rain6 hey are characteristics of different parts of the 4rain, and should 7or5 together as 7hole-4rain thin5ing6
H(4ove all, ' am optimistic that ' can 7or5 together 7ith a patient to identify 7hat is needed to restore 4alance to the system6 hat@s 7hat ' thin5 of as real confidence6 'ntuition should al7ays 4e directed more to7ards finding solutions than in identifying pro4lems6I ay@s description corresponds closely 7ith 7hat researchers call "euristi! !ompeten!e6 "euristic competence is the individual@s confidence that he or she has the a4ility to find the means to resolve a pro4lem or accomplish a tas56 ay is descri4ing heuristic competence 7hen he spea5s of his solution-oriented approach6 he actual 5no7ledge re:uired to resolve a pro4lem or accomplish a tas5 is 7hat ay ac:uires through his voracious consumption of information from many different fields6 his is epistemi! !ompeten!e6 $pecialists in any field, including Being "appy, need to 4e confident that they are
epistemically competent6 'n other 7ords, 5no7 as much as you can a4out 7hatever it is you 7ant to master6 he greater the degree of heuristic competence, the more esta4lished is your actual competence6 2EM
FEEDBAC-
rom the very 4eginning, NLP developers reected the o4sessive pro4lem-orientation of most schools of psychology 4y emphasi
Becoming sensitive to feed4ac5 is an important :uality of Being "appy6 %ptimists and people 7ho are proactive and self-reliant revie7 their progress as a matter of course this is a po7erfully transformative action6 $ystems heory tells us that feed4ac5 supporting a particular mental model 7ill strengthen it6 eed4ac5 failing to support a model can act as a prompt for it to adapt6 2FM he more :uic5ly you chec5 7hether results match your e;pectations, the more rapidly you can ta5e alternative action to avoid greater pro4lems further do7n the line6 he important thing is that you stay a7a5e and pay attention to 7hat@s happening in your life6 hirty years ago, 7hen computer programmers needed to chec5 for errors, they had to unroll yards of code, usually do7n the corridor of their 4uilding, and chec5 it, line 4y line6 No7, the
soft7are in your laptop has 4uilt-in error-correction 7hich operates constantly and invisi4ly to reduce the ris5 of crashes6 $o, are these s5ills and a4ilities innate in your neurological ma5e-up, or can you develop them?in particular, the po7er to avoid trou4le even 4efore it arisesA
*ell, this is 7here you are heading as you read on6 #ven if you incorrectlyM fear this 7ill ta5e a lot of difficult and time-consuming 7or5, rest assured that the hard7are to accomplish all this is already installed, courtesy of your DN(6 7o facts, no7 confirmed 4y neuroscientists, support this vie76 3M )ou already have neurons in your 4rain that are capa4le of recogni
Cell assem4ly theory "e44@s La7M suggests that Hcells that fire together, 7ire togetherI6 his theory hints at ho7 you can optimi
LEARNIN+ FRO0 /OUR 0ISTA-ES
$uppose you plan to post a 4irthday card to (unt !ary she doesn@t do e-mailM6 )ou have chosen the ideal "allmar5 moment, hand7ritten an affectionate message, sealed and addressed the envelope, then set out to 4uy a stamp6 %n the 7ay, you spot a mail4o; and, 7ithout thin5ing, you pop the card inside6 >h-uh No stamp
No7, the second 4efore the mail4o; s7allo7ed up your card, there 7as a surge of activity in the medial frontal corte; of your 4rain6 hen, the instant you recogni
!any people 7ho ma5e mista5es 7aste enormous amounts of energy and time ruminating a4out their failure6 %4sessing over 7hat 7ent 7rong is highly counter-productive6 'n fact, o4sessing and repetitive focusing on a negative may 7ell ma5e it easier to fail again in the future6 he follo7ing e;ercise is designed to enrich your mental models 4y learning from a specific e;perience of underperforming6 #;amples might include missing a putt on the golf course, losing your temper 7ith your daughter 7ho 7ants a 4elly 4utton ring, or flu44ing an important presentation or e;am6 Pause for a moment and thin5 of an e;perience 7here your performance did not deliver the results you 7anted6 %nce you have identified a specific e;perience, 4egin the e;ercise6
E.ERCISE $: LEARNIN+ FRO0 /OUR 0ISTA-ES
3M Revie7 the inferior performance from a dissociated point of vie76 'n other 7ords, run the scenario slo7ly as if you 7ere 7atching yourself on a screen he purpose of this step is to revie7 the errors in your performance so you can correct them later6 Be systematic6 Remain non-udgmental6 his is fact-gathering, not self-punishment6 1M No7, go to the end of the scenario, associate step into itM and run it 4ac57ards very rapidly
M Ne;t, return to the o4server position and create a ne7 scenario that features you functioning optimally, effectively and error-free $@ 4hen yo2 are satisfie1 ith this ne 9eha;ior6step associateM into the 4eginning of the
scenario and run it three to five times from start to finish, until it feels comforta4le and natural to perform this 7ay6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
CREATIN+ /OUR O4N ARADI+0 SHIFT
'n 3F1, (merican physicist homas 9uhn suggested that change doesn@t necessary happen in a smooth, un4ro5en curve6 Rather, change involves a series of peaceful phases interspersed 4y sudden, violent intellectual upheavals6 *ith each upheaval, one perspective on the 7orld is replaced 4y another6 E0M Russian chemist and No4el laureate 'lya Prigogine identified 7hat he refers to as a H4ifurcation pointI, 7here systems under stress, including people, either collapse into chaos or reorgani
S-ILLS RECIITATIN+ ARADI+0 SHIFTS INCLUDE:
O 'ncreasing the num4er of mental models in your repertoire6 Getting stuc5 is inevita4ly the result of not having enough choice in your mental models6 O Learning to tolerate am4iguity6 )ou do not have to 5no7 everything all the time6 Phase transition is a space 4et7een one state and another and is often mar5ed 4y confusion6 Rela; and o4serve6 Change 7ill happen6 O Regularly challenge and prune your collection of personal mental models6 a5e time out on a regular 4asis to construct valid arguments for your most treasured 4eliefs?not necessarily to change them, 4ut to learn ho7 to change points of vie7 7ith elegance and ease6
Practice doing day-to-day tas5s differently6 or e;ample, 4rush your teeth 7ith your non-dominant hand, or, 7or5 at learning to sign your name e:ually 7ell 7ith either hand6 O Loo5 at ne7 uses for old models6 $ometimes an old model 7ill provide the solution to a ne7 pro4lem6
A FOR0ULA FOR CHAN+E
(s you progress 7ith this program, you 7ill learn ho7 to apply a formula for change 4oth consciously and systematically6 o do this, you 7ill need to 36 Design and 4uild a ne7 model that is fit for purpose 16 'dentify 7hat needs to 4e there in order to achieve this 6 Create a process that 7ill move you in the direction you have chosen 26 est for runna4ility 7ill this model help you predict actions and achieve results 7ith reasona4le accuracyAM E6 'dentify and remove any o4stacles to this process F6 a5e action .6 !onitor your results and adust accordingly6 Remem4er, the richness or povertyM of your mental model dictates the richness or poverty of your e;perience and your life6 Rather than simply deciding to add detail to your map, you must first understand the idiosyncrasies of that t7o-and-a-half pound matter of grey elly 4et7een your ears6 *or5ing 7ith, rather than against, your neuro4iology 7ill 4ring you enormous 4enefits6 'n the ne;t t7o chapters you@ll find out ho7 your 4rain ma5es up its mind and ho7 to use that to your advantage6
B#%R# !%+'NG %N % "# N#X C"(P#R, ans7er the follo7ing :uestions6
3M "o7 many mental models can you identify in your o7n repertoireA 1M "o7 many are fit for purposeA M Do the mental models you identified help you predict actions and achieve the results you 7antA 2M *hat ne7 models 7ould help you optimi
REFERENCES AND FOOTNOTES FOR CHATER THREE
26 Bandler R, Grinder 3.EM he $tructure of !agic ' ( Boo5 (4out Language and herapy6 Palo (lto $cience and Behavior Boo5s E6 $ource he Ne7 $cientist 1000M6 F6 Crai5, 966*6 32M6 he Nature of #;planation6 Cam4ridge >9 Cam4ridge >niversity Press6 .6 Lu:uet Georges-"enri 33M, Les Dessins d@un enfant, Utude psychologi:ue, Paris (lcan6 Ne7 ed6 'n translation, 1003, Children\s Dra7ings6 London ree (ssociation Boo5s6 /6 ohnson-Laird, Philip N 3/M6 !ental !odels o7ard a Cognitive $cience of Language, 'nference and Consciousness6 "arvard >niversity Press6 6 $tevens (L, Dedre G, eds6 3/M !ental !odels6 "illsdale N La7rence #rl4aum (ssociates 206 or a discussion on a panpsychic vie7 of consciousness, see ( heory of Consciousness, 4y Christof 9och, $cientific (merican !ind, ulyJ(ugust 100, pp 3F-3 20(6 ames * 3/0M h e Principles of Psychology 3/0M, Ne7 )or5 "enry "olt Reprinted Bristol hoemmes Press, 3M6 %f course, ames 7as using this famous phrase to descri4e a 4a4y@s e;perience of the 7orld around him, 4ut, given 7hat 7e no7 5no7 a4out the human
4rain@s need to ma5e sense out of 4illions of 4its of information, it seems e:ually applica4le to adults6 236 $trauch R 3/M he Reality 'llusion "o7 )ou !a5e the *orld )ou #;perience6 Barryto7n N) $tation "ill Press
216 $tor5 DG6, ed6 3/M6 "al\s Legacy 1003\s Computer as Dream and Reality6 Cam4ridge !( !' Press6 26 Ne7ell, (6, and "6 (6 $imon6 3.16"uman pro4lem solving6 #ngle7ood Cliffs, N Prentice "all6 226 $imon, "6 (6 3/M6 Reason in "uman (ffairs, %;ford Blac57ell 2E6 Drner, D6, *earing, (6 3EM6 Comple; Pro4lem $olving o7ard a ComputersimulatedM heory6 'n P6 (6 rensch & 6 un5e #d6M, Comple; Pro4lem $olving he #uropean Perspective pp6 FE-M6 "illsdale, N La7rence #rl4aum (ssociates 2F6 $ears, (6 3.M6 "euristic 7al5throughs inding the pro4lems 7ithout the noise6 'nternational ournal of "uman-Computer 'nteraction, , , 13-12 2.6 >llsperger !6 !inding !ista5es6 $cientific (merican !ind6 (ugustJ$eptem4er 100/, pp E1E. 2/6 "e44, D6%6 32M, he organillsperger !6 !inding !ista5es6 $cientific (merican !ind6 (ugustJ$eptem4er 100/, pp E1E. E06 9uhn, homas, $6, 3F1M he $tructure of $cientific Revolutions, $econd #dition, 3.0M6 Chicago 'll he >niversity of Chicago Press E36 Prigogine ' 3/2M6 %rder our of Chaos6 Boston, !( $ham4hala KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
CHATER FOUR: FEAR6 FEELIN+S AND FA0ILIARIT/
$o, you thin5 you are running your o7n 4rainA 'n this chapter O he #fficiency Principle?7hy you have a comfort
)our 4rain is e;traordinarily efficient6 *hether srcinating from the primitive
(t the same time, 4ehind the scenes, a maor scuffle is ta5ing place 4et7een a need for stimulation ne7 information and e;periencesM and the desire to 5eep things the same6 rom a purely evolutionary point of vie7, these are e;cellent survival assets6 'n practical terms, ho7ever, they can sometimes act li5e 4ugs in a soft7are program, resulting in partial, or even complete, system failure6
THE EFFICIENC/ RINCILE
Consider ne7 e;periences6 *henever you are called upon to deal 7ith something ne7 and une;pected, your 4rain, li5e a general, calls on additional troops neuronsM to handle and analy
he #fficiency Principle also e;plains in part 7hy 7e prefer to 4e 7ith people 7ho share our vie7 of the 7orld and sometimes avoid meeting ne7 people, or e;perience fear 7henever 7e do6 't is far easier and re:uires less energy to co-e;ist 7ith others if the level of conflict in thought and deed is minimal6 'ncorporating ne7 and foreign value-patterns into our lives at every turn 7ould 7aste 4oth time and energy6 he status :uo is energy-efficient6 "o7ever, it can also 4e destructive6 here@s no dou4t that 4eing afraid can 4e useful in the right conte;t6 'f you start to step into the road and suddenly see a 4us and heading to7ards you, 4eing afraid and umping out of the 7ay is the appropriate response6 Pro4lems arise, ho7ever, 7hen fear occurs in inappropriate conte;ts, is over7helming, or is free-floating, 7ith no particular trigger, or cause6
he fact is that much of the internal dissidence, consternation and disagreementM 7e e;perience as human 4eings arises from an aversion to change6 o e;plain and ustify it, people 5eep running the same scenarios over and over and over in their mind, there4y manufacturing the same no;ious chemicals their 4rain uses to maintain a state of perceived fear6
he fear of pu4lic spea5ing is an e;cellent e;ample6 his is often cited as the primary fear or pho4ia 4y many (mericans, even if an individual cannot identify e;actly 7hat a4out the activity they are truly afraid6 he perceived threat is mental, rather than physical6 he act of spea5ing 4efore a group has never 5illed anyone, yet the fear it engenders feels real and may force the individual into a state of near paralysis6 *hile it might have made evolutionary sense to 4e cautious and even fearful of strangers, 7e 4elieve this modern day fear can also 4e created 7ithin the modern education system6 Perhaps a teacher suddenly singled you out to spea5 a4out a pro4lem you didn@t understand6 )our heart started pounding, your stomach churned and your mouth 7ent dry6 Nevertheless, the teacher forced you to come to the front of the class6 (s you started to move, you felt your 5nees start sha5ing6 $uddenly you 4ecame afraid you@d fall do7n6 he fact is, your entire 4ody 7as going into maor stress mode and still you 7ere e;pected to spea5 to the group6 #very fi4er in your 4ody screamed Fig"t ba!k7 6un7 But, you couldn@t6 )ou 7ere f ro
of related an;iety conditions, including O Panic disorder O Panic disorder 7ith agorapho4ia
O Generali
O $pecific pho4ia O %4sessive-compulsive disorder6
%ne study concludes FFS of patients suffer from more than one an;iety disorder, E1M he causes of fear-4ased responses are variously e;plained as genetic, EM E2M Hcognitive misinterpretationI of 4odily sensations, especially 4reathing disorders6 EEM %r they are attri4uted to social or personal factors, such as adverse life events6 EFM E.M *hile e;perts might disagree a4out the causes of an;iety, most agree that panic attac5s are mar5ed 4y the sudden appearance of intense fear or discomfort accompanied 4y several 4odily symptoms, such as accelerated or irregular heart rate, nausea and s7eating6 >nfortunately, the standard clinical response is to prescri4e heavy-duty psychotropic 4rain-alteringM drugs to damp do7n on the symptoms, rather than to fi; 7hat is actually causing the pro4lem6 'n Being 2appy, our concern is not w"y fear happens, 4ut "ow a person creates and responds to it and 7hat can 4e done a4out it6 Regardless of 7here fear comes from, it is clear an individual is capa4le of creating 4ad feelings and amplifying those feelings to the point 7here she feels as if she is dying6 his is not productive and certainly does little to help a person live a 4etter life no7 and in the future6 he facts that you are capa4le of creating and amplifying fear actually means you have the a4ility to manufacture and amplify feelings in general6 his means you can change6 "o7, then, are you going to use your a4ilityA )ou can choose to spend your time on the planet living 7ithout purpose or direction, living in fear6 %r, 4eginning today, right no7, you can choose to spend your time Being "appy6 't is your !"oi!e6 *ellA ear is a strange and mysterious animal6 Not only do each of us e;perience it differently as far as 7e can tellM, 4ut different things ma5e each of us afraid6
hin5 a4out the person 7ho turns up at a flying field, clim4s into a small aircraft, ta5es off, then, at 30,000 feet, leaps out6 he only thing preventing her from crashing to the ground is si;ty yards of sil5 and the up7ard rush of air6 he s5ydiver 7ill inevita4ly pic5 herself up and 4a44le a4out the rush, the 4u<< and surge of adrenalin that ma5es her 7ant to get right 4ac5 into the plane and do it again6 !ean7hile another person 7ith same age, height, 7eight, and 4road e;perience may 4e reduced to a :uivering 7rec5 at the mere thought of 4oarding a commercial airliner on a 4usiness trip6 he conditions are the same the responses dramatically different6 he fact is neither person is responding to reality6 #ach has ta5en similar e;ternal data, processed it according to his or her uni:ue 4eliefs, values and e;periences, and then 4uilt a set of responses6 #ven though these responses are physiologically similar racing pulse, gasping 4reath, churning stomach, tingling hands and feetM, the interpretation of the e;perience is dramatically different for each person6 or the first, it is thrilling, near orgasmic, e;citement for the second, terror of 4lind panic and loss of control6 (s5 either of them 7hy they respond the 7ay they do and they are li5ely to say, H't is ust a feeling ' get6I Doctor H*here are you feeling the painAI Patient H*ell, it is not really a pain6 't is more, li5e, a feeling =I Doctor H$o, ho7 long has it 4een hurtingAI - ranscript of actual consultation E/M
he e;ample a4ove is typical of many e;changes 4et7een physicians and patients6 he semantic value meaningM of 7ords differs 7idely from person to person, even 7hen 4oth assume they are tal5ing a4out the same thing6 Language analysts have used functional !agnetic Resonance 'maging f!R'M to esta4lish that #nglish nouns have no fe7er than t7enty-five different semantic features6 his supports the vie7 that 7ords, especially nouns, such as pain@ and feeling, derive their meaning from prior e;periences that are all lin5ed to a common sym4ol6 %f course, these prior e;periences are uni:ue to each individual6 EM
Due to a num4er of limitations a lac5 of time, money andJor speciali
$ome researchers have tried to address this pro4lem of reification 4y creating ne7 terminology6 Neuroscientist (ntonio Damasio spea5s of Hsomatic mar5ersI, 7hich he regards as automated alarms6 hese mar5ers are the e:uivalent of psychophysical signals 4lasting off 7ith a message of Danger@ or Go for it@ F3M People in the grip of an;iety often report 5no7ing their response is illogical, yet 4eing po7erless to resist it6 his conflict 4et7een logical thought and impulsive response is central to the human e;perience6 'f 7e consider our species to 4e a 7or5 in progress, this conflict mar5s a transitional phase in the evolution of the 4rain6 Neuroscience has taught us each hemisphere of the human corte; is 4roadly speciali
"o7ever heated and confusing as the argument might 4e, though, 7hat 7as lac5ing for a long time 7as a practical approach to changing an individual@s e;perience6 No7, NLP@s a4ility to function as a meta-psychology the a4ility to e;amine and e;plain 7hat lies 4eyond the facts and la7s of psychologyM gives competent practitioners the means to create, test and develop effective techni:ues 4ased upon o4servations such as %rnstein@s a4ove6
#ven if it is impossi4le to conclusively prove that 7hat one person feels as anger or fear is the same as another@s, the principles of NLP provide you 7ith an ever-increasing range of tools to change and optimi
E.ERCISE %: INSTANT AFFECT S4ITCH
36 hin5 of someone or something that causes you mild irritation6 $cale the intensity of your feeling from 3 to 306 16 $it or stand 7ith straight spine6 Loo5 up, a little a4ove the hori
'f they have not yet significantly reduced, start tapping your right foot6 Repeat from step 1 and continue until you can comforta4ly thin5 of the person or event that caused a fe7 mild irritation6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
Before NLP emerged, a num4er of thin5ers, including (l4ert 9or
(gain, finding the most important su4-modality and changing that e6g6, s7itching a picture from color to 4lac5 and 7hite or altering the tonality of self-tal5 from nagging and strident to soft and se;yM could dramatically shift ho7 the individual e;perienced his or her HrealityI6 Notice that no attempt need 4e made to change the content of the picture or the actual 7ords of the internal monologue6
hese secondary :ualities 4ecame 5no7n as su4-modalities see (ppendi; B for further e;amplesM6
SUB0ODALITIES
't 4ecame o4vious to o4servers that 7hen a su4ect used clarifying gestures andJor made statements such as H' ust need to get a little distance from my pro4lemsI, or H!y responsi4ilities are 7eighing me do7nI, they 7ere spea5ing literally, rather than metaphorically6 hey actually e;perienced the internal representation of their pro4lem as 4eing too close to them, or 7eighing do7n on them from a4ove6 !ore recently, another pattern 7as o4served6 Clients often gestured in a 7ay that suggested that 7hat they 7ere feeling had movement6 he 7ay they moved their hands implied that the feeling they 7ere tal5ing a4out started some7here in their 4odies, and moved some7here else6 re:uently, the end of the feeling 7ould connect up 7ith the 4eginning and run continuously as a loop6 he loop, it 7as noted, can spin in only one of four 7ays along the a;es of the 4ody vertically for7ards or 4ac57ards, and hori
E.ERCISE &: UTTIN+ A NE4 SIN ON OLD FEELIN+S
36 hin5 of an unpleasant e;perience that has irritated you for some time6
Notice 7here the feeling starts in the 4ody, and 7here it seems to go6 'f it dissipates, connect the end to the 4eginning and ma5e it run as a loop6 'f you continue to run it in this direction, or ma5e it faster and stronger, the feeling 7ill almost certainly intensify6 $o, instead = 16 Reverse the direction of the spin6
'f you find it difficult to change the 7ay it moves, push it out of the 4ody first, change its direction, and pull it 4ac5 in6 6 Run it faster6 !a5e it spread throughout the 4ody6 #noy the changes this 4rings a4out6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
THE 0INDBOD/ CONNECTION
)our 4ody and mind 7or5 together as a system6 he feelings you have a4out a particular pro4lem or condition are the sum result of your history 7ith it6 'n other 7ords, the w"y6 )ou get that feeling 4ecause you have e;perienced, seen or learned it at sometime in your past6 But, the 7hy 4ecomes irrelevant if your o4ective is simply to change ho7 you react6 Rather than 7asting time and energy analy
or e;ample, nausea and vomiting are continuing pro4lems in surgery and can cause cho5ing and even death on the operating ta4le6 he use of po7erful pain-5illing and anaestheti
same gesture6 $he@d position her hands, palms facing her a4domen, and then move them 4oth rapidly up7ards and out7ards to illustrate the violence of the vomiting6 H(fter she@d done this several times, ' 7as fairly confident that this reflected 4oth her fear and the memory of the 4ody sensation she@d e;perienced during previous 4outs of vomiting6I
Dr "asan@s solution 7as to continue spea5ing reassuringly to his patient, using the tonality of his voice and his rate of speech to pace her e;perience and calm her do7n6 H(s ' tal5ed, ' made the same gesture she made, 4ut in reverse6 ' used my hands to support 7hat ' 7as telling her that not everyone had the same response that 4ecause she@d had upsetting e;periences in the past, it didn@t necessarily mean she@d have the same e;perience no7, and that, as she rela;ed more and more, the tendency to gag and vomit 7ould diminish and disappear, and so on6 H(ll the time, ' used my hand movements to reverse her gesture, 7atching her closely as she rela;ed6 ' also suggested that she@d have less pain than she e;pected, and 7ould recover much faster6I he 7oman under7ent surgery 7ithout incident6 $he had neither nausea, nor an impulse to vomit6 urthermore, she needed less post-operative medication, and 7as up and a4out sooner than 4oth she and her surgeon e;pected6 F2M his e;ample ma5es it clear that people add or su4tract information to create their models of the 7orld according to their individual filters6 ilters as previously mentioned are our 4eliefs, values, e;periences and e;pectations etc6 hey represent our version of reality6 Revising ho7 you process information 7ill :uic5ly and easily change your e;perience related to it6 (s 7e said at the start of this chapter, the #fficiency Principle, is a 4iological, rather than a psychological, phenomenon6 he 4rain has evolved to ta5e short cuts to conserve energy6 't loo5s for 7hat it already 5no7s from e;perience, and 7ill even manufacture facts according to the pro4a4ility of something 4eing true6 his is true of all five senses6 *hat you e;pect is 7hat you 7ill hear, feel, taste, smell, and especially see6
E.ERCISE ': BLINDSOT
Let@s illustrate this6 !ost people are familiar 7ith the ideal of a 4lind spot6 Because of the 7ay the optic nerve e;its your eye4all, there is a large HholeI in our visual field6 )ou can test this for yourself6
Caption Blind spot testing card 36 "old the picture in front of your face and close your right eye6 16 *ith your left eye, loo5 at the cross to the right of the picture6 6 !ove and tilt the picture until the 4lac5 dot on the left seems to disappear6 his is your 4lind spot6 "old on6 )ou are not done yet6 (s you repeat the steps a4ove, notice something a little short of 4i
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E.ERCISE (: 0E0OR/ RECALL
Let@s try another e;periment6 Read the follo7ing 7ords aloud or, 4etter yet, have someone else read them to youM B#DR#$ (*(9# 'R#D DR#(! N'G" C%!%R $%>ND $L>!B#R $N%R# N(P $N%%#
R#$
No7, loo5 a7ay from this page6 a5e a piece of paper and 7rite do7n as many of the 7ords as you can remem4er in 3E seconds6 Resist the temptation to cheat6 his is a demonstration, not a test6 Please, do not read further until you have completed the a4ove e;ercise6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
Chances are you included the 7ord sleep@6 'f not, congratulate yourself6 !ost people@s 4rains organi
B#%R# !%+'NG %N % "# N#X C"(P#R, 7rite do7n the ans7ers to the follo7ing :uestions 36 *hat feelings do you have regularly that ma5e you feel goodA
16 *hat feelings do you have that ma5e you feel 4adA 6 *hat do you most fear happeningA 26 *hat do you most fear not happeningA E6 *hat stops you from moving to7ards your o4ectivesA F6 *hen you feel fear *here a4out in your 4ody do you feel itA *hat are its characteristics su4-modalitiesMA *hat does it doA Does it moveA *hereA KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
REFERENCES AND FOOTNOTES FOR CHATER FOUR
E16 #ysenc5 ! 1002M, Psychology (n 'nternational Perspective, London Psychology Press E6 9endler $, 9endler !D, Neale !C, 9essler RC, "eath (C, #aves L, Generali
EE6 +er4urg 9, Grie< #, !eier , Pols ", Respiratory disorders as a possi4le predisposing factor for panic disorder, (ffect Disord6 3E e4 13 1M31-2 EF6 $cocco P, Bar4ieri ', ran5 #, 'nterpersonal Pro4lem (reas and %nset of Panic Disorder, Psychopathology 100. 20/?3 E.6 9leiner L, !arshall *L, he role of interpersonal pro4lems in the development of agorapho4ia 7ith panic attac5s6 (n;iety Disord 3/. 3 3?16 E/6 homson G, 9han 9 100/M6 !agic 'n Practice 'ntroducing !edical NLP ? he (rt and $cience of Language in "ealing and "ealth6 London "ammersmith Press6
E6 !itchell !, $hin5areva $, Carlson (, Chang 9, !alave +, !ason R, ust !, Predicting "uman Brain (ctivity (ssociated 7ith the !eanings of Nouns, $cience, 0 !ay 100/ +ol6 106 no6 E//0, pp6 333 - 33E F06 #vans D 1003M6 #motions, ( +ery $hort 'ntroduction6 %;ford %;ford >niversity Press6 F36 Damasio ( 32M Descartes@ #rror6 Ne7 )or5 GP Putnam\s $ons6 F16 "emispheric asymmetry and emotion, in (pproaches to #motion, ed6 $cherer 9, #5man P6 3/2M6 "ills-dale N La7rence #rl4aum6 F6 %rnstein R 3/M6 he "ealing Brain -- ( Radical Ne7 (pproach o $taying *ell6 London !acmillan London Ltd6 F26 Conversation 7ith author GM6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
CHATER FI5E: -NO4IN+6 BELIE5IN+ AND UNDERSTANDIN+
'n this chapter O hin5ing 4y design O 's it appropriateA O Data versus 'nference 5no7ing the difference O Creating 4eliefs 7orth having6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
H'f you understand everything, you must 4e misinformed6I apanese prover4
'f reality is 7hat you 4elieve, ho7 do you 5no7 7hat@s trueA his :uestion actually re:uires you ans7er the :uestions 7e posed in Chapter our6 or revie7, those :uestions are 36 *hat feelings do you have regularly that ma5e you feel goodA 16 *hat feelings do you have that ma5e you feel 4adA 6 *hat do you most fear happeningA 26 *hat do you most fear not happeningA E6 *hat stops you from moving to7ards your o4ectivesA F6 *hen you feel fear, 7here a4out in your 4ody do you feel itA a6 *hat are its characteristics su4-modalitiesMA 46 *hat does it doA KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
E.ERCISE ): -NO4IN+6 FEELIN+ AND BELIE5IN+
Before continuing, revie7 the a4ove :uestions and your responses6 hen add the follo7ing :uestion to each and 7rite do7n your response to it as it relates to the srcinal :uestion6 36 *hat do you 4elieve that ma5es this trueA #;ample 16 *hat feelings do ' have regularly that ma5e me feel goodA (ccomplishment, admiration, happiness etc= 6 *hat do ' 4elieve that ma5es this trueA Being recogni
Lur5ing at the edge of every feeling is a 4elief6 hat is, something ustifies the feeling in a 7ay that ma5es sense to you6 )ou might report that 7hen you are 7al5ing home alone at night and feel your heart 4eating and your stomach churning, you are an;ious?or, more accurately, you beie(e you are an;ious6 he 4elief is 4uilt on previous e;periences 7ithin the conte;t of your life6
)ou can have the same e;perience in an alternate conte;t 7ith 7holly different results6 or e;ample your heart 4eats and your stomach churns 7hen your favorite foot4all team is playing an important game6 'n this conte;t, you 4elieve you are e;cited6 !ost people end up feeling 4ad not 4ecause they are 4ad and deserve to suffer, 4ut 4ecause they hold 4eliefs that fail to support life-affirming ideas6 Life affirming 4eliefs include O eeling good doesn@t have to 4e an accident O eeling good doesn@t have to 4e earned
O ust 4ecause ' 4elieve something especially the 4ad stuff a4out meM doesn@t necessarily mean it is true O ' can change my 4eliefs and my feelings at 7ill6
Psychiatrists tend to 4e s5eptical a4out the claim that people can fundamentally change their thoughts, feelings and 4eliefs6 $ome see their role as helping their patients adust to reality, or to provide drugs designed to ta5e the edge off any unpleasant feelings reality may cause6 his is ignorance 7or5ing in a highly destructive 7ay 4ecause it is 4ased on a fundamental misunderstanding of 7hat t"inking is6 %utside of NLP, thin5ing is profoundly misunderstood6 Psychologists tal5 a4out thoughts as if they are o4ects, li5e mar4les inside a sac56 't is not that you have thoughts it is that you think6 )ou process various pieces of information every second6 hese consist of pictures, 7ords, feelings, sounds, tastes and smells6 )our 4rain ta5es all this random information, configures the components in certain se:uences, then runs them to generate the outcome 7e call e;perience6 (n e;perience can 4e a feeling, response, or 4ehavior6 't can also 4e an opinion or a 4elief6 'f 7e alter the components, in si
7ould 4e automatically enhanced, in much the same 7ay a seed planted in fertile soil 7ill flourish 4etter than one dropped on stony ground6 No7 change HheldI to HhaveI and you are on your 7ay6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
E.ERCISE !*: ACCELERATED LEARNIN+ ATTERN
Learning to Learn 36 ind the 4elief that stands in your 7ay of learning ne7 things easily6 $ee, hear and feel yourself trying, 4ut not accomplishing, your o4ective6 )ou@ll pro4a4ly 4e a4le to find many e;amples from 7hen you 7ere at school6 Notice all the :ualities of the pictures you ma5e6 (re they in colorA "o7 4ig are theyA (re they moving or stillA *here are they situated in your visual fieldA $ee (ppendi; B for further inspirationM6 *rite do7n your o4servations so you can 4e systematic in your 7or56 16 ind a strong and useful 4elief a4out something at 7hich you already e;cel6 #;amine its :ualities, the same 7ay as a4ove6 6 Compare the t7o, noting the differences6 Pay particular attention to the si
his simple e;ercise demonstrates ho7 easily 7e can change the :uality of an e;perience 4y altering its structure6 9no7ing ho7 to do this is half the 4attle6 he 5no7ing 7hat needs to 4e changed and 7hen to change it, is the other half6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P 'n practicing NLP 7e never categorinderlying that is another 4elief that it is difficult or impossi4le, to change6 %ne of the pro4lems a4out 4eliefs is that they are self-validating6 hat@s to say, ust 4ecause you 4elieve something, you automatically thin5 it is true and seldom put it to test6 (s5 almost anyone ho7 they 5no7 something is true, and they 7ill say one of three things H' feel it is true6I H' 4elieve it is true6I
H' 5no7 it is true6I
#ach phrase has a slightly different meaning or, more accurately, a different impact on your internal e;perience6 People 7ill react accordingly, often 7ithout pausing to analy
)ou can pro4a4ly add a fe7 more from your o7n life e;periences6 he point is every single a4ove truth@, through :uestioning, e;perimentation andJor science, eventually found itself disproved6 *hat 7as 4elieved and purported to 4e true proved false6 he perception, the received 7isdom, 7as not reality6 his illustrates the importance of constantly :uestioning and testing 4eliefs6 alsehoods, no matter ho7 strongly held, once e;posed, can initiate profound change6 he same is true for your o7n 4eliefs a4out yourself and the impact each has on your life6 $trongly held 4eliefs inevita4ly lead to a feeling people descri4e as 5no7ing@6 o 4elieve and 5no7 are often used interchangea4ly, yet are seldom directly challenged6 %ne of ony Blair@s closest allies said the former British Prime !inister 7as confident that he had made the HrightI decision to oin President George *6 Bush in the invasion of 'ra: 4ecause of his religious 4eliefs6 FEM Bush himself 7as 7idely regarded as 4eing similarly motivated6 he argument here is not 7hether the decision 7as right or 7rong, 4ut 7hether 4eliefs 7ithout verifia4le data to support them are a sound 4asis for important decisions and actions6 "o7ever, 4ecause a 4elief feels familiar and comforting, people tend to act accordingly and are prepared vigorously to defend their 4eliefs solely 4ecause they 4elieve them to 4e true6 his is circular thin5ing ' 4elieve it is true it is true 4ecause ' 4elieve itM6 he result of circular thin5ing and its variations can 4e to 4loc5 commonsensical investigation and cause untold hurt and harm6 Getting out of this mess re:uires an understanding of the cognitive process that moves seamlessly and unnoticed from the level of e;perience to that of 4ehavior6 )ou need first to 4e a7are that e;perience some distur4ance of the nervous systemM occurs at a 7ordless prelinguisticM, level6 !illions of these e;periences occur every second of every day 7ithout interrupting your state of a7areness6 %nly if the distur4ance is great enough, 7ill it 4e 4rought into your conscious a7areness6 his level too, is pre-linguistic6 %nce you attempt to descri4e to yourself or others, 7hat it is that you are feeling, you are la4eling your previously 7ordless e;perience according to your particular e;perience and cultural traditions6 his is 7here pro4lems and confusion often 4egin6 he moment you la4el a su4ective e;perience, you move a7ay from direct e;perience and start to categori
he ne;t step is ascri4ing meaning or a conse:uence to your chosen 7ords6 )ou thin5, Hhis is 4ad6 "ere ' go again6 ' ust cannot control myself6I 'f it is a good feeling, you might thin5, H%h, this is great6 ' hope this lasts6I %r should pessimism intrude, H' do not trust this6 ' 5no7 it 7ill go a7ay and '@ll feel 4ad all over again6I 'f you as5 anyone to e;plain their feelings of happiness, depression, love and so on, they tend to add yet another layer of 7ords6 his is inference or evaluation6 hey overlay their core e;perience 7ith 7ords that are commonly udgmental or self-deprecating6 or e;ample H' feel this 7ay and it is 4adI H' 5eep losing my temper and it is 7rongI H'@ve 4een diagnosed as having depression and that means ' am sic5I H' sometimes thin5 ' see things that are not there, therefore ' am going cra
Notice ho7 the further you move do7n the ladder of reasoning, the greater the inference and the further you are from your pure e;perience6 (s5ing someone to try to e;plain 7hy he or she is feeling do7n often further complicates the situation, since negative thoughts and people are seldom short of theseM can feed 4ac5 to the level a4ove and intensify the un7anted e;perience6 his looping of negativity or unresourceful self-tal5 is characteristic of depressive conditions6 he person feels 4ad tal5ing a4out it to himself or other peopleM increases the unpleasant feeling, 7hich prompts him to thin5 or spea5 a4out it more, 7hich ma5es him feel 7orse, and so he finds ne7 7ords to descri4e his e;perience = and he continues spiraling even deeper do7n into despondency, 7ith no end in sight6 Consider this chain of events and ho7 your inferences affect it6
'magine having stomach pain and it fails to respond to (l5a-$elt
'nference 1 he pain 7orsens6 )ou entertain the thought that it might 4e cancer, an;iety increases and the pain gets even 7orse6
'nference )our doctor diagnoses 'rrita4le Bo7el $yndrome, a condition heavily advertised 4y a pharmaceutical manufacturer that you have read a4out6 )ou 4egin to notice that your digestive system is not al7ays comforta4le, lending credence to his diagnosis6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
(s you process each of your evaluations, you are li5ely to e;perience greater stress6 his loops 4ac5 to the srcinal e;perience the feeling of some discomfort in your stomachM and, in all li5elihood, the feeling of not-:uite-rightness increases, triggering ne7 evaluations e6g6, it is getting 7orseM, and you drop even deeper into dysfunction and despair6
No7 suppose you read someone@s evaluation on the 'nternet that says 'B$ is incura4le and that you@ll have it for life6 *hat are you feeling no7A
he 7ords inference and evaluation are similar in meaning to assumption, interpretation, conecture, appraisal, udgment, estimation and assessment6 "o7ever elegant the inference or evaluation, though, 7e need to remind ourselves that it is never the same as the e;perience or the 7ordless o4servation of the srcinal event6 )our pro4lem 4ecomes more complicated 7hen you try to e;plain 7hat you are feeling to someone else6 #ven if this person replies 7ith, H%h, yes?' 5no7 e;actly 7hat you are feelingI, he cannot and is not6 'n a 7orld 7here 7ords function as the primary currency, this is a difficult concept to accept the concept that 7hatever you say a thing is, it is never 7hat it actually is6 "o7ever, in order to resolve pro4lems, to progress and prosper, this is e;actly the concept everyone must accept6 #;periences occur 7ithout 7ords6 he first stirring of something that is different from the fall4ac5 state of our nervous system is a fact 4ut it doesn@t yet have a description or a diagnosis6 *hatever it is, it ust is6 *e can e;perience 7ithout using language6 o some degree, 7e can even o4serve 7hat 7e e;perience 7ithout using language6 "o7ever, the moment 7e 4egin to descri4e or comment on 7hat is happening, either to ourselves or to someone else, 7e 4egin to remove portions of the process of the e;perience and replace it 7ith content6 his ne7 content is li5ely to 4e speculative 7e 4egin to use different parts of the 4rain = and not necessarily the parts 4est e:uipped to solve the pro4lem6 he value of su4-modalities is that they occur at a level some7here 4et7een the a7areness of an e;perience and the inferences and evaluations 7e ma5e a4out that event6 't is impossi4le to tal5 a4out su4ective e;perience in its purest form e;periencing it is all 7e can do6 But, noticing the :ualities of the e;perience 4efore 7e start identifying and categori
George Patton, the legendary >$ general, recalls in his memoirs coming across an armored division on a road near the rench to7n of Coutances during the $econd *orld *ar6 he men told him they had not crossed the $ienne 4ecause they 7ere studying a map of the terrain 4ut had not yet found a place 7here the river could 4e forded6
Patton told the men that he had ust 7aded across, that the 7ater 7as no more than t7o feet deep and the area 7as poorly defended 4y only one, very inaccurately fired, machine gun6 "e repeated the apanese prover4, H%ne loo5 is 7orth 300 reportsI, and then proceeded to lay into the men for their failure to investigate personally6 he lesson, he o4served drily, 7as :uic5ly learned, and from then on they 7ere Ha very great divisionI6 FFM (s Patton helped his men understand the :uality of a map and 7hether 7e use itM 7ill affect ho7 7e feel a4out the e;perience and ho7 7e respond to it6 his then, can directly impact the srcinal e;perience for 4etter or 7orse6 Direct e;perience, ho7ever, usually trumps the 4est-dra7n map6 Learning to loo5 for yourself, as Patton urged, to use your senses sensory acuityM effectively to gather information, assists in inoculating you against stupid and dangerous udgments6 'n other 7ords, a7areness is a 7ay to prevent your 4rain from acting on 7hat has gone 4efore6 Being a4le to distinguish evaluation from e;perience and o4served fact is a po7erful tool6 't is an essential tool, a tool used intuitively 4y people accustomed to Being "appy6 hese concepts may seem a4stract and confusing6 Do not 7orry if they do not ma5e sense yet6 hey 7ill6 "ang in there6 )ou are learning6 't may feel a little 7eird right no76 Remem4er the story at the 4eginning of this 4oo5 7here Dr ippu told his doctor, H' am not denying the seriousness of my situation ' am ust denying that ' cannot get 4etter6I ippu declined to accept the assumption that he could not or 7ould not recover 4ased upon the evaluation or the perceived seriousness of his condition6 Rather he sidestepped the suggestion and inserted a suggestion of his o7n6 "is 4rain decided that getting 4etter@ 7as a possi4ility that he 7as not prepared to give up6 'n doing so, he opened himself to an entirely ne7 range of responses and 4ehaviors, each orientated to7ards healing and health rather than fate or defeat6 he first step in freeing yourself from the tyranny of destructive criticism 7hether it comes from other people or is self-generatedM is to 4e a4le to distinguish 4et7een a verifia4le fact and an
inference or evaluation6 't is a ne7 s5ill and may seem a little challenging at first, 4ut 7e@ll 7al5 you through it6 %nce you develop this s5ill, you 7ill recogni
FACTS 5ERSUS INFERENCESE5ALUATIONS
he follo7ing summary lists a fe7 differences6 FACTS do not go 4eyond your o7n o4servation INFERENCESE5ALUATIONS go 4eyond personal o4servation6 FACTS are sensory-4ased 7hat you can see, hear, touch, taste, smell for yourselfM INFERENCESE5ALUATIONS tend to have limited sensory-4ased information6 FACTS are verifia4le?that is, 7ould 4e su4stantiated 4y any reasona4le 7itness INFERENCESE5ALUATIONS are not verifia4le, 4ut are accepted on faith6 FACTS are usually repeata4le that is, testa4leM
'N#R#NC#$J#+(L>('%N$ are not testa4le FACTS are either a4out the past or e;ist in present e;perience INFERENCESE5ALUATIONS are a4out the future, 7hich is often e;trapolated from the past
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( short-cut to distinguishing facts from inferences is to as5 7hether any sensi4le, independent eye7itness 7ould agree 7ith your statement6 or e;ample the statement, H"e@s spea5ing louder than the person he@s 7ithI is factual6 H"e@s shouting 4ecause he@s angryI is not6 Granted, he could 4e angry6 But he might e:ually 4e hard of hearing and need to spea5 loudly in order to hear his o7n voice6 "e could also 4e posturing, trying to dra7 attention to the conversation, 4e attempting to dro7n out the 7oman 7ith the high piercing voice 4ehind him, or may4e he@s drun56 he fact is you do not 5no7 w"y the inferenceM he is spea5ing loudly6 )ou only 5no7 the fact of the matter6 "e@s spea5ing louder than the person he is 7ith6 act versus inference and evaluation there@s a significant difference6 he follo7ing e;ercise is challenging, 4ut is 7orth repeating from time to time6 't 7ill sharpen your s5ills and it re:uires t7o to three people6
E.ERCISE !!: THE 5IDEOCA0 ATTERN
Distinguishing act from 'nference 36 $it opposite your partner 7hile a third person if availa4leM acts as o4serverJudge6
hin5 of yourself as a video camera6 )ou can record and play 4ac5 anything you see or hear, 4ut cannot register internal feelings or ma5e udgments6 16 Loo5 at your partner6 !a5e ten to t7enty factual statements a4out your partner 4ased on 7hat you see, smell, hear, taste or touch6 #ither your partner or the o4server can o4ect if you include inferences or feelingsJemotions6 a5e great care 7ith this6 H)ou are 7earing a shirtI is accepta4le6
H)ou are 7earing a nice shirtI is not6
6 No7 comment on ten to t7enty things a4out your partner that are unverifia4le, 4ut that you thin5 might 4e true6
#ither your partner or the udge can disagree6 26 Continue until you, your partner and the udge are comforta4le that you can easily tell the difference 4et7een each category of statement6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
HO4 TO 0O5E BE/OND LI0ITATIONS
houghts and 4eliefs that can limit you have a 7ay of suddenly materiali
(void inviting unsu4stantiated 4eliefs 4y as5ing :uestions of yourself, such as, H*hy do ' feel this 7ayAI his 7ill only lead to further inference and a4straction in the form of speculation after speculation, deepening the pain and despair6
CHAN+IN+ AN UNRODUCTI5E THOU+HT INTO A RESOURCEFUL ,UESTION
"o7 do ' 5no7 ' am depressedA *hat has happened factsM to let me 5no7 ' feel this 7ayA
"o7 could ' teach someone else processM to get this result 4y doing 7hat ' am doingA 'n order to ans7er these :uestions, you must use your senses6 he information you are see5ing must 4e grounded and easily understood 4y an impartial o4server6 't is not accepta4le to add further levels of inference and evaluation, such as, H' feel 4adI or Hit is scaryI6
't is accepta4le to say, Z*hen ' am depressed it seems as though a heavy grey cloud is hanging over me and ' cannot see my 7ay through to the future6 his gives me a cold, empty feeling in the pit of my stomach6I *hile 7e are a7are that internally e;perienced grey clouds and cold, empty feelings cannot 4e seen 4y an impartial o4server, these descriptions are closer to fact than feeling H4adI and something 4eing scary@6 Cold and empty are fairly specific descriptions, derived from your senses and they occur fairly close to the actual e;perience6 Bad and scary are vague and open to interpretation, and occur further do7n the chain of evaluation6 actual 7ords and phrases reveal more than inferences and evaluations a4out ho7 you create or structure the e;perience of Hdepress-ingI6 (ccording to the factual statement a4ove, you 7ould first need to create the heaviness, color and impenetra4ility of a cloud, follo7ed 4y a sensation 5no7n to you as cold and empty, in order to 5no7 you are having the e;perience you la4el as depression6 Challenging the verifia4ility of a 4elief is one thing6 't is another to 4e a4le to e;change an unresourceful 4elief for one that@s more useful6 e7 people have the a4ility to move from the first state to the second in a single leap6 he gap 4et7een the t7o is often too 7ide6 Doing so via a transitional step, such as indifference, proves a lot easier6
E.ERCISE !": CHAN+IN+ AN UNRESOURCEFUL BELIEF
36 'dentify a 4elief a4out yourself or your capa4ilities that you 7ould li5e to change6
$ay the 4elief aloud6 or e;ample, H' get too stressed at 7or56I
16 (s5 yourself, Z"o7 do ' 5no7 thisAZ and Z*hat happens inside me 7hen ' get too stressedAZ
*rite do7n your ans7ers, using sensory-4ased 7ords and phrases6 Call this state (6
6 No7, as5 yourself, Z"o7 7ould ' li5e to 4e instead of too stressed at 7or5AI his is a4out your ideal6 "o7 7ould ' li5e to 4ehave or respondA *hat 7ould 4e different and 4etterA *rite it do7n6 Be specific6 *hat 7ill you 4e seeing, hearing and feeling in your preferred stateA Rather than having Zno stressZ, thin5 in terms of coping easily and elegantly 7ith challenge6 Create as rich and internal representation of the state as possi4le, paying special attention to ho7 you@ll 4e feeling 7hen you access it6 (ttach to this a descriptive 7ord or affirmative sentence, such as, Z' cope easily and creatively 7ith all challenges6Z Call this state C6
26 a5e a little time no7 to identify or create an intermediate state some7here 4et7een 4eing stressed (M and your preferred state or response CM6 'f the characteristics of this intermediate state are vague or am4iguous, it may help to mentally place yourself in a situation that is fairly demanding 4ut to 7hich you have either a mild or an indifferent response - say, a horror movie that engages your attention, 4ut is never really fully 4elieva4le6 %nce again, descri4e this on paper, using rich, sensory-4ased information6 Call this state BM6
E6 Ne;t, mentally step into your situation (M6 or the last time, feel 7hat Htoo stressedI is to you6 Notice ho7 your heart 4eats for your pulse races, ho7 your stomach churns, ho7 your 4reathing 4ecomes fast and shallo76 (t the same time, imagine you are pulling 4ac5 as if inside a giant slingshot, really amplifying the feeling of tension, getting ready to let go6
F6 (iming at the state you have la4eled BM, count ;+<+=6 %n the count of , let go6
eel yourself lurch for7ard at light speed, hear the 7hoosh of the air rushing past your ears as you roc5et, first, into BM, then 4ounce off at t7ice the speed to7ards and into CM6
.6 inally, fully immerse yourself in all the :ualities you identified in your preferred state6 $ee this situation through the eyes of someone 7ho is actually there6 eel 7hat they are feeling hear 7hat they are hearing, including 7hatever self-tal5 you can invent that 7ill help develop the richness of your e;perience6 (mplify all the details to the point 7here you respond e;actly as you 7ant to and achieve 7hat you desire6 )ou identified the optimal outcome at the 4eginning of this e;ercise6 No7 e;perience yourself achieving it6 a5e a deep 4reath and allo7 the changes to flo7 through every organ, every system, and every cell of your 4ody6 hese changes are no7 a part of you, something you o7n, in the same 7ay that you o7n your shoes or the color of your eyes6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
B#%R# )%> !%+# %N % "# N#X C"(P#R ma5e a list of your most strongly held 4eliefs and opinions6 $u4ect each to the relia4le 7itness@ test descri4ed in the +ideocam e;ercise6 (s5 yourself if several relia4le o4servers 7ould come to the same opinion as you, should they o4serve dispassionately6 or e;ample, 7hen your mother punished you repeatedly as a child, 7as she 4eing a4usive, 7as she trying to prevent you from 4ehaving inappropriately in later life = or, 7as she simply span5ing you and sending you to your roomA KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
REFERENCES AND FOOTNOTES FOR CHATER FI5E
FE6 httpJJ7776telegraph6co6u5Jne7sJne7stopicsJreligionJE.E1EJony-Blair-4elieved-God7anted-him-to-go-to-7ar-to-fight-evil-claims-his-mentor6html FF6 Patton, General George $6 32.M * ar (s ' 9ne7 't6 Boston "oughton !ifflin Company KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
B(C9 % %P
CHATER SI.: THE USE AND ABUSE OF 0E0OR/
'n this chapter O Pro4lems 7ith P$D O rauma 4y pro;y O >nderstanding the Rashomon #ffect O "o7 the helpless lose hope6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK he purpose of this chapter is to introduce the idea that you can ta5e unpleasant and distur4ing memories and ma5e them different, 7hile not necessarily removing them from your memory 4an56 Rather, you can change them so you do not recall in such distur4ing detail6 (t the same time, you 7ill 4e a4le to set things up so you remem4er the good stuff in greater detail6 Charlie !6 7as a classic case of Post-raumatic $tress Disorder P$DM6 $everal psychiatrists decided he met all si; of the criteria laid do7n in he Diagnostic and $tatistical !anual of !ental Disorders D$!-'+M, the psychotherapist@s 4i4le6 Li5e thousands of people engulfed in the horror of the attac5 on Ne7 )or5@s *orld rade Center in 1003, he 7as left in serious emotional turmoil and pain6 $pea5ing to mental health professionals, Charlie !6 recalled, H*henever ' sleep, ' have nightmares a4out the planes crashing into those t7o 4uildings, those people umping from 7indo7s, the ash every7here6 *hen ' am a7a5e, ' get these flash4ac5s of it happening6 he fear is paraly
Listening to Charlie !@s statement immediately creates a sense of empathy6 Billions of people 7orld7ide 7atched in horror as the events unfolded in Ne7 )or5, Pennsylvania and *ashington DC that day6 't is easy to understand ho7 living through such an event could cause nightmares6 he pro4lemA Charlie !6 7as .00 miles F000 5mM a7ay from Ground ero at the time of the attac56 "e only 4ecame a7are of it hours after the event6 "e had no personal connection to the attac56 None of his friends or relatives 7as involved in the disaster and Charlie !6 has never visited Ne7 )or5 City6 )et, despite this, Charlie !6 7as diagnosed 7ith P$D and treated 7ith anti-an;iety drugs and 4eta-4loc5ers in an effort to control his symptoms6 Charlie !6 is one of a gro7ing num4er of people 7ho are 4eing incorrectly diagnosed 7ith, and 4eing treated for, P$D6 "e is not alone6 (n e;tensive study reveals that thousands of veterans of 'ra: and (fghanistan are given the 7rong diagnosis and treatment6 his study notes that up to /0S of the alleged sufferers of P$D 7ere una4le to name a single trauma that could have caused it6 F.M Nevertheless, diagnosis and treatment of P$D continues along much the same lines in 4oth the >nited $tates and the >nited 9ingdom, despite the fact that pressure is gro7ing for a redefinition of the condition6 #ven Boston >niversity psychologist David Barlo7, one of the e;perts 7ho developed the srcinal D$! definition in 32, admits that developments in neuroscience cast dou4t on the 7ay the condition is presently understood6 Charlie@s e;perience prompts us to as5, ho7 can an individual recall the attac5 on the *orld rade Center so clearly that its memory is more vivid than the memory of an event the person e;perienced at first hand, such as the 4irth of a childA *hy should an individual 4e a4le to recall almost every detail a4out 7here she 7as 7hen she heard the ne7s of the 7in o7ers attac5, or Princess Diana@s death, even if she 7as no7here near Ne7 )or5 or Paris at the timeA 't is pretty clear that there is strong survival value in 4eing a4le to remem4er and fear events that could threaten your life6 he t7in emotions of sudden shoc5 and fear create an imprint of the horrific event6 his response, called flash4ul4 memory 4y psychologists, is not confined to events of national or international importance6 $hoc5 and surprise can not only imprint memories of a specific incident, 4ut also of events immediately 4efore and after7ards6 )our 4rain does not ta5e chances6 'n one study, researchers found that pictures of ordinary o4ects in e;traordinary com4inations, such as the head of a plum4er@s 7rench fi;ed on a sheep@s 4ody, also created vivid and lasting memories6 F/M (nother study used images of sna5es to shoc5 and surprise students 7ho 7ere
studying online6 'n tests administered immediately after7ards, the students 7ho 7ere surprised averaged 1/S 4etter mar5s than those in a control group 7ho 7ere not surprised6 he memories 7ere also enhanced for the parts of the learning modules immediately 4efore and after the surprise event6 FM !aor ne7s events such as the attac5s of $eptem4er 33, 1003 have 4een sho7n 4y a maor British survey to 4e remem4ered in photographic detail 4y /1S of the people surveyed, 7hereas only FES of them could as vividly remem4er the 4irth of a first child6 he survey found that /3S of participants remem4ered 7ho told them a4out the attac5s on the 7in o7ers /2S remem4ered 7hat time it 7as 7hen they heard the ne7s 1S recalled e;actly 7here they 7ere at the time, and .3S remem4ered 7hat they 7ere doing at the time6 he researchers descri4ed the level of recollection as He;traordinaryI, especially considering the survey 7as carried out nearly a decade after the event6 .0M ime does little to e;tinguish these emotion-laden memories6 !ore than 2E years after the assassination of ohn 9ennedy, half of the people old enough to remem4er the tragedy 7ere a4le to recall 7here they 7ere and 7hat they 7ere doing 7hen they heard the ne7s6 .3M 't should come as no surprise that personal shoc5 and tragedy are even more li5ely to 4e imprinted6 'n fact, so protective is this mechanism that some people 7ill generalisually, these processes occur su4consciously6 Parts of your 4rain, especially the prefrontal corte;, continually scan the environment, 4oth e;ternal and internal6 hroughout this process your 4rain interprets 4illions of 4its of data and decides 7hether to respond or not6 "eightened stress, the tendency of your 4rain to fall 4ac5 on patterns it already 5no7s, and the generali
process can trigger a panic response6 'f it perceives a threat, real or imaginary, it fires up your fight-or-flight responses in order to optimi
0IRROR NEURONS
he discovery in the 30s of a group of cells no7 5no7n as Hmirror neuronsI may help to e;plain the follo7ing situations6 !irror neurons translate 7hat you o4serve into 7hat you feel 4y activating the same neural net7or5s that 7ould 4e involved if you 7ere personally involved in the e;perience6 $ome researchers 4elieve mirror neurons are the 4asis of animal and human empathy6 + $ Ramachandran, >niversity of California neuroscientist and former Director of the Center for Brain and Cognition% suggests mirror neurons@ development a4out E0,000 years a go
may 4e responsi4le for 7hat he calls Hthe great leap for7ardI in human cultural evolution6 (n e;ample of mirror neurons at 7or5 could 4e late night ne7s casts and that scary dream that 7a5es you in a cold s7eat in the middle of the night6 Ne7s coverage today is instant, dramatic, repetitive and often designed to involve vie7ers as fully as possi4le, almost as if they are part of the e;perience of a plane crash, a terrorist attac5 or looming economic depression6 or many years, hypnotists have 4een a7are that people 4ecome particularly suggesti4le 7hen their emotions are heightened and specific 4ehaviors or suggestions are delivered vividly, emphatically
and repeatedly6 (dd to this the discovery that most people respond more po7erfully to associated e;periences that is e;periencing a scenario as if they are actually thereM than to dissociated events or memories 7here they see themselves, as if on a screen or in a picture6 )our 4rain@s astonishing a4ility to remem4er e;traordinary events, either from a single traumatic e;posure or through e;tended repetition, is a dou4le-edged s7ord6 *hile it sho7s us the 7ay to ma5e learning ne7 s5ills easier and more dura4le, it also suggests that some imprints, particularly those that are driven 4y fear, may 4e more difficult to dislodge6 ear is po7erful6 !ar5eting e;perts and those programming e;ecutives 5no7 this 7ell6 (nyone 7ho has studied mar5eting or communications learns that four of the most po7erful appeals in advertising and pu4lic relations are 3M ear 1M Guilt M Curiosity and 2M "umor6 #mploy any of these, add repetition and you greatly increase the chance the message, image or idea entrenching in a person@s 4rain6 he principle 7or5s the same 7ith ne7s stories and other forms of communication6 he effect of negative hypnosis via the media is something you can mitigate right no7 through a fe7 simple changes6 *hat you focus on late at night tends to continue to run in your 4rain as you sleep and dream6 Note ho7 programming, ideas or information is pitched to you and choose your end-of-day images and e;periences carefully6 Limit the num4er of ne7scasts you 7atch and avoid 7atching these or any other distur4ing programs ust 4efore you sleep6 Being informed is one thing 4eing 4rain-7ashed is another6
AETITI5E CONDITIONIN+ A5ERSI5E CONDITIONIN+
Neuroscience has confirmed that all fears, 7ith the e;ception of the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises, are learned6 hrough neuroscience, 7e can also 4egin to understand ho7 7e learn our other fears6 (ll living organisms move a7ay from to;ins and other life-threatening conditions6 his is 5no7n as aversive conditioning6 Yuite literally, the smallest single-cell organism learns ho7 to survive 4y avoiding threats6 'van Pavlov, the pioneering psychologist 7ho trained his dogs to salivate at the sound of the 4ell, vividly demonstrated another form of conditioning through the pairing of t7o stimuli, one unconditioned such as the sound of a 4ellM and the other conditioned, such as food 7hich causes salivationM6
Pavlov demonstrated that, after a num4er of repetitions, simply ringing a 4ell could cause his dogs to salivate even if they 7eren@t given food6 $ince the effect 7as lin5ed to the desire for something in this case foodM he called this appetitive conditioning6 't is appetitive conditioning that leads you to the supermar5et to 4uy mil5 or 4read, or to approach a partner or spouse in a particular 7ay 7hen you are hoping for se;6 't is aversive conditioning that causes you to retch 7hen confronted 7ith a food that once made you ill, or to avoid the person 7ho humiliated us 7hen you as5ed for a date6 >nfortunately, conditioning is not al7ays so predicta4le6 Later research into the function of the amygdala, the part of your 4rain that acts as a portal to your fearJmemory matri;, has sho7n that the 4rain may come to acclimati
collapsing 4uildings, dust, smo5e and people leaping to their death 7ere played over and over again6 Yuite literally, their neurology 4egan to respond as if they 7ere actually at Ground ero 7hen the attac5 occurred6 *e do not see the e;periences of Charlie !6 and others li5e him as a psychiatric issue, nor do 7e see it as a condition re:uiring some po7erful psychotropic drug6 rue, some researchers are promoting the idea of a Hmemory-cleansingI drug that 7ill dissolve the sheath around the amygdala 7here fearful memories are stored6 .2M 't is a drastic step and 7e do not thin5 drugs are needed6 Rather, 7e regard the responses of Charlie !6 and others as a result of a simple error in coding6 he protective fight-flight response 4egins to prompt the person to move a7ay from a perceived threat6 he symptoms of P$D flash4ac5s, upsetting dreams, emotional num4ness, self-destructive 4ehavior etc=M can all 4e classified as Hmove a7ayI or HflightI messages6 he fact that this particular threat only e;ists on a flat-screen television ma5es it difficult for people li5e Charlie !6 to respond6
THE RASHO0ON EFFECT
Charlie !@s e;perience demonstrates that memory, li5e nostalgia, is not 7hat it used to 4eTor at least 7hat psychologists thought it 7as6 *e have 5no7n for a long time that memories can 4e em4ellished6 %ur tendency to superimpose 7ishful thin5ing or a more logical storyline on past events 7ea5ens the authenticity of 7hat actually happened6 (s any e;perienced hypnotist 5no7s, the 7ay :uestions are structured can alter someone@s memories and influence future 4eliefs and 4ehaviors6 Despite all the advances in neurosciences it is still 7idely accepted that the traces etched into the fa4ric of our long-term memory are more or less sta4le6 reatment, conventional 7isdom contends, is simply a matter of correctly accessing the 4rain@s archival system in order to esta4lish 7hat HreallyI happened6 >nfortunately, the accepted theory is not true6 Recent research sho7s that each time you access a memory, you effectively de-sta4ili
ERASIN+ 0E0ORIES
Researchers 9ari Nader and oseph Limou; call this phenomenon HreconsolidationI6 o prove their hypothesis, the researchers installed pho4ias in a group of rats 4y giving each an electric shoc5 every time they sa7 their training cage, causing the rats to free
doing very much 7hat Charlie !6 7as doing in relation to $eptem4er 33, 1003 7ith one modification6 )ou@ll ust remem4er to pic5 good memories6 (ll 7e have to do to ma5e this possi4le is to help you create a machine that allo7s you to 4ecome more selective and gives you freedom from the discomfort you have 4een suffering 7ithout ma5ing you less of a person6 'n many 7ays, it 7ill ma5e you a 4etter person 4ecause the same machine can 4e used to ma5e your memory 7or5 4etter for the things that matter6 o sho7 you ho7 to do that, 7e@ve created the follo7ing e;ercise that comprises t7o parts6 he first part desta4ili
E.ERCISE !# ART I: THE RED SHOES ATTERN
his e;ercise ta5es its name from the pair of red shoes a client recalled at this point in one of Richard@s Personal #nhancement seminars6 Read through this e;ercise first and ma5e sure you understand it6 %nce you start, you do not 7ant to interrupt the process6 36 Recall a trou4ling memory Notice 7hether the memory is life-si
e;periences6 ( 7ar veteran said he could recall Ha4out E0I traumatic e;periences and as5ed, H*hich 4ad memory should ' pic5A Do ' have to do them allAI he ans7er is, no6 Pic5 the 7orst e;perience, or the one that recurs most fre:uently6
16 Note the :ualities of the feeling in your 4ody relating to this memory6 Give each feeling a num4er 4et7een 3 and 306 3[comforta4le or managea4le 30[e;tremely distur4ing6
6 (s5 yourself, H*hat has this e;perience caused me to 4elieve a4out myself, the people around me, and my 7orldAI )our ans7er might include, Hpo7erlessI, Ha4andonedI, Hro44ed of a life or futureI6 *rite these do7n and set the list aside for use in Part 7o of this process6
26 No7, thin5 of something in your past that 7as important to you once yet no longer is6 #;amples of this could include an item of clothing red shoes perhapsAM you loved 7hen you 7ere 31 4ut 7ould not dream of 7earing no76 #ven if that thing made you shiver 7ith pleasure at the time, 7hen you loo5 4ac5 at it no7, it no longer even seems to have 4een part of your e;perience6 his no7 e;ists in your one of 'ndifference6
E6 Notice the differences 4et7een the image that no longer attracts you and that of your trou4ling memory6 his image almost certainly smaller, less distinct, or, in a different location in your internal visual field compared 7ith the first image in this e;ercise6 't may have a 4order or a defining edge you may 4e a4le to see yourself in the image etc6 hin5 a4out it and ma5e a mental note or 7rite it do7n6
F6 Return to the unpleasant e;perience you identified in step one, only this time start at its end, as if it is already over6 'n your mind, flatten the image as if it is on a flat screen television6 Begin to run it as a movie, 4ut 4ac57ards6 or e;ample, if you 7ere in a 4us that 4le7 up, you@d start 7ith the de4ris lying on the ground starting to come together, all of a sudden, until the 4us is 4ac5 into one piece6 't is
important to do this really fast6 his step has nothing to do 7ith truth, meaning or logic6 't is a4out training even tric5ingM your nervous system6 Run it again, from end to 4eginning, even faster than 4efore6 Note: *hen you run something in reverse the meaning is reversed6 Basically it un-events@ the
e;perience6 Reversing also disrupts the pattern in 7hich your neurons fire along that particular neural path7ay6 or this reason, it is important that you never interrupt the process from the minute you 4egin6 $econdly, do it faster and faster each time, running it 4ac57ards, seeing and hearing everything in reverse6 $peed is important6 Do it at least ten times faster than real time6
.6 Repeat the step F, 4ut add a soundtrac5 to your reverse movie6 *e recommend circus music6 Circus music helps puts stupid ideas into perspective6
/6 No7, 7hen your sound-trac5ed re7ound movie hits the 4eginning, s7itch to your one of 'ndifference really :uic5ly6 Remem4er in $tep 2 7here you identified something you once loved 4ut no longer care a4outA 'n your mind, ta5e the image of your un7anted e;perience and snap it :uic5ly into the location of the e;perience, event or possession that is no longer important to you the red shoesM6 !a5e sure all the :ualities of the un7anted image the su4-modalitiesM match those in your one of 'ndifference6
6 No7, test your response to the memory6 "o7 do you feel a4out this memory no7A "o7 does your current feeling compared 7ith the feelings you noted or 7rote do7n in $tep 1A 'f you do not feel any different, repeat the e;ercise as many times as needed6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
he a4ove e;ercise is the techni:ue used to help Charlie !6 recover from his version of Post raumatic $tress Disorder6 Li5e many of the other people 7ho developed fears and pho4ias after $eptem4er 33, his mind had 4een imprinted through the constant repetitions of the film footage sho7ing the airplane crashing into the North o7er and 4oth to7ers collapsing6 hrough this e;ercise, he learned to 7atch the to7ers re4uilding themselves, floor 4y floor, chun5s of concrete and other de4ris flying up 4ac5 into their rightful place the clouds of smo5e 4eing suc5ed 4ac5 into the area, and the planes flying 4ac57ards out into the distance and disappearing6
E.ERCISE !$ ART II: RECONSOLIDATION
!any researchers 4elieve a victim@s feelings of helplessness serve to em4ed the trauma in his or her nervous system6 Perceiving yourself as po7erless can 4e a seriously disa4ling condition, sometimes ma5ing it nearly impossi4le for you to regard yourself as an effective or 7orthy person6 ./M Certainly, 7e find that many people ma5e decisions and dra7 conclusions a4out themselves and their 7orld 4ased on their negative e;periences6 hese might include feeling of po7erlessness, inferiority and a4andonment or a 4elief that you have 4etrayed or ro44ed of the life and future you 7ant6 .M he second part of this e;ercise serves to resolve these issues6 (s 7ith part ', read through the steps first and ma5e sure you understand all the steps prior to 4eginning6
ART II
)ou should no7 4e a4le to recall the trou4ling e;perience 7ith less emotional heat6 't is time to use the list you made 4ac5 in $tep 1 of Part ' a4out the 4elief or decision you have 4een holding a4out yourself6
36 Notice ho7 holding this 4elief has affected your life6
16 Consider specific 7ays you and your life 7ould 4e different if you held a more resourceful 4elief a4out yourself6
6 $ee yourself already holding that 4elief6 )ou are more resourceful, :uic5er to respond, calmer in the face of e;treme stress, more li5ely to avoid suspicious strangers etc6
26 "o7 7ould you feel in the future 7ith this response in placeA
E6 Picture yourself standing at the 4eginning of the srcinal incident6 Breathe in and out slo7ly, ensuring that the out-4reath is slightly longer than the in-4reath6 (s you feel a sense of calm developing, introduce the responses and feeling from the previous steps as if you had them at the time you most needed them and run the traumatic e;perience 7ith the ne7 4eliefs and resources in place6 Notice ho7 things 7ould have 7or5ed out differently 7ith these 4eliefs and resources in place6 Challenge yourself = 4ut ma5e sure you triumph6
F6 'nvite your unconscious mind, no7 or sometime later, to ma5e you a7are of a valua4le lesson the e;perience, ho7ever upsetting it has 4een, can reveal to you6 *e often find that people 7ho e;tract meaning from even the most negative e;periences recover :uic5er than those 7ho can find no lessons learnt6 (llo7 this to float into your a7areness and thus complete the reconsolidation e;perience6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
Note )ou may 4e a4le to amplify your resourceful response 4y running the scenario from $tep E 7hile you are engaged in some repetitive activity, such as ogging or s5ipping6 #;ercise
deli4erately stresses the system in order to prompt it to reorgani
B#%R# !%+'NG %N % "# N#X C"(P#R, ma5e t7o lists6 !: 0a8e a 7ist of yo2r 3e3ories that e3poer yo2> hese include the successes you had
7hen you 7ere younger, as 7ell as praise for your achievements6 1 !a5e a list of all the memories that cause you pro4lems6
his is your ne;t proect6 Create a program 7here4y you tac5le each of these difficult memories using the e;ercises you learned in this and the preceding chapters6 Choose one or t7o a day6 'f you 7ish, 5eep the more invasive and disruptive ones until you reach the chapter% Bringing it ) Toget"er, in Part '' of this 4oo56 )ou may also 7ish to layer other techni:ues on to the ones
a4ove to increase effectiveness as you 4ecome more proficient6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
REFERENCES AND FOOTNOTES FOR CHATER SI.
F.6 Bod5in (, Pope "G, Det5e !, "udson '6 's P$D caused 4y traumatic stressA (n; Disord 100. 133.F?/16 F/6 !ichelon, P6, $nyder, (6 6, Buc5ner, R6 L6, !ac(voy, !6 & ac5s, 6 !6 100M6 Neural correlates of in-congruity an f!R' study6 Neuro'mage, 3, 3F31-3F1F6 F6 9oc5 N, Chatelain-ardn, R, Carmona, 6 100/M6 (n #;perimental $tudy of $imulated *e4Based hreats and heir 'mpact on 9no7ledge Communication #ffectiveness, '### ransactions on Professional Communication, E31M 3/-3.6
.06 httpJJ7776telegraph6co6u5JhealthJhealthne7sJ201/FJ!emories-of-historic-events-stongerthan-personal-moments6html .36 '4id6
.16 "aynes -D6 100/M6 >nconscious Decisions6 'n $cientific (merican !ind , (ugustJ$eptem4er6 .6 Berns G 100/M6 'n 'conoclast6 Boston !( "arvard Business Press .26 #rlich ', "umeau ), Grenier , Ciocchi $, "erry C, Luthi (, (mygdala 'nhi4itory Circuits and the Control of ear !emory, Neuron, +olume F1, 'ssue F, .E.-..3, 1E une 100 .E6 "eider 9G, he Rashomon #ffect *hen #thnographers Disagree, (merican (nthropologist, !arch 3//, +ol6 0 No6 3, pp6 .-/3M6 .F6 !cCrone 6 Not so total recall6 Ne7 $cientist vol 3./ issue 1 - 0 !ay 100, page 1F ..6 '4id6 ./6 +an +elsen C, Gorst->ns7orth C, urner $ 3FM6 $urvivors of torture and organiniversity Press KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
CHATER SE5EN: 0EANIN+6 UROSE AND ERSE5ERANCE
'n this chapter
O he magical space 7here everything can change O *hy people give up O $pirituality is important to your health
O #;cellence is a learna4le s5ill6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
*ar 4rings out the 7orst in many people6 'n some, it 4rings out the 4est6
DR> 5IC-TOR FRAN-L
%n a grey $eptem4er morning in 321, (ustrian psychiatrist +i5tor ran5l 7as arrested 4y the Na
prisoners or rescued 7hen thro7n a7ay 4y his Nan5no7n to him at the time the 4oo5 7as destine to 4ecome one of a series of pu4lications that 7ould roc5 the foundations of current theories of human nature6
A 0ISSION UNFULFILLED
ran5l@s o4servations during his incarceration confirmed a theory he had 4een toying 7ith since the age of 3F, that people 7ho loo5ed for and found a sense of meaning in their lives, those 7ho 4elieved they had a mission yet to 4e fulfilled and that they 7ere free to choose their responses to 7hatever happened to them, 7ere 4est e:uipped to transcend their circumstances and flourish6 urthermore, they stuc5 doggedly to these 4eliefs, no matter ho7 terri4le their circumstances might 4e6 'magine if a person 7ho hadn@t lived 7hat ran5l e;perienced made a suggestion as radical as this6 "e or she 7ould have greeted 7ith derision6 ran5l 7as uni:uely :ualified6 "is life e;perience coupled 7ith his s5ills and training reinforced his findings6 Rather than see a situation as desperate and himself as a victim, he chose to use the situation to his advantage and there4y made his 7or5 more po7erful6 Later, he marveled at ho7 a person could 4e stripped of all freedoms 4ut one?the a4ility to choose one@s attitude and response to any given set of circumstances6 /0M /3M ran5l 7as committed to the scientific method, ma5ing o4servations, creating hypotheses, testing these hypotheses, and then re-testing them to see if the results 7ere the same6 Both during the 7ar and after7ard, ran5l@s theories chec5ed out6 "is theory 7as sound and it 7ould change the 7orld6 ran5l recalled 7atching fello7 prisoners comforting each other, giving a7ay their last scraps of food to those they perceived as 7orse off than themselves6 $elf-sacrifice, compassion, empathy and the uni:ue human a4ility to care=7as ran5l suggesting that denying pain and tragedy 7as enough to help the victim overcome his situationA ar from it6 (s a doctor of psychiatry, ran5l 7as deeply a7are of the impact such unthin5a4le horrors could have on those 7ho had not found 7ithin themselves the physical or emotional stamina to cope6 "e identified three reactions all prisoners e;perienced to some degree or other 3M $hoc5, in the admission phase 1M (pathy, after adusting to the reality of a life-and-death situation
M (nd, on li4eration from the nightmare, a cluster of responses, including 7hat he called depersonali
THE 0A+ICAL SACE
Not everyone 7ho survived 7as a4le to readust6 !any spent the rest of their lives suffering from the horrors that, in reality, had come and gone6 ran5l suffered as 7ell6 )et despite his o7n struggles coping 7ith the loss of and life 7ithout his family, he 7as convinced that meaning can 4e found in each moment of living, even amidst appalling suffering and loss6 "e reali
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COIN
$ome years later, !aor *illiam # !ayer, a man 7ho 7ould later 4ecome the >$ (rmy@s chief psychiatrist, pu4lished a study giving a completely different picture of the impact of incarceration6 !ayer studied 3,000 prisoners of 7ar P%*M 7ho had 4een imprisoned in a North 9orean camp6 'ntriguingly, the camp he studied 7as considered one of the softer@ P%* camps6 >nli5e other detention centers, the prisoners in this camp 7ere not tortured, starved or su4ect to overt emotional a4use6 No armed guards surrounded the camp and the perimeter 7as entirely devoid of 4ar4ed 7ire6 'n this prison many of the captive soldiers allied themselves 7ith their North 9orean captors, turning against each other 7ithout any discerni4le re7ards6 he death rate 7as /S the average is 1ESM and represented the highest in >$ P%* history6 "alf of these died from no particular
cause6 hey had simply given up6 Perhaps the most surprising aspect, given the minimal security and high mortality, is not a single prisoner tried to escape6 he response in this camp so distinctive, !ayer gave the syndrome a medical la4el mirasmus@, meaning a lac5 of resistance a passivity6 >nli5e ran5l@s survivors, the P%* camp prisoners failed to assign either meaning or mission to their situation6 hey failed to choose their response6 rom the North 9oreans@ point of vie7, this 7as no accident6 heir 5no7ledge of the psychology of influence and manipulation 7ere vastly more advanced than that of their (merican enemies6 >sing ust four simple tools 3M #ncouraging prisoners to inform on their comrades 1M orcing them to criticinited $tates6 he final shreds of self-7orth and integrity 7ere effectively removed 4y a techni:ue still routinely used 4y many psychologists and psychiatrists 7ho are allegedly helping their clients6 oday 7e call it group therapy6 he North 9oreans held regular sessions in 7hich all participants 7ere encouraged to spea5 out a4out their psychological pro4lems and failings6 hey 7ere pushed to confess everything 4ad they@d ever done, and all the positive intentions they@d had, 4ut had failed to put into effect6 he North 9oreans 5ne7 something of 7hich many modern counselors and therapists are still una7are the more people focus on and e;press their negative thoughts, feelings and opinions, the 7orse their physical and emotional health 4ecomes6 /1M
CHOICE0ISSIONBELIEF0EANIN+
hese are 7ords that might seem a4stract and remote to everyday life, yet in our o7n e;perience, as 7ell as in research in fields such as 4usiness, sport and health, the happiest and most successful people cultivate and cherish precisely these :ualities6 +arious studies have sho7n that meaning and hope can 4e more accurate predictors of longevity than doing all the right things@, such as :uitting smo5ing, drin5ing moderately, ta5ing regular e;ercise, and eating plenty of vegeta4les and fruit6 /M he 4eliefs and e;pectations you hold a4out yourself, your situation and the 7orld you@re in, can decide 7hether you succeed or fail at a specific tas5 as 7ell as ho7 you react to therapy or medication 7hether or not you respond to drugs as po7erful as morphine6 /2M ChoiceT!issionTBeliefT!eaning Pro4a4ly the most important :uality in the list a4ove is meaning, 7hich is having something or someone you regard as contri4uting to your life6 ( clear sense of meaning tends to increase our a4ility to reach higher and achieve more than 7e often suspect is possi4le6 his happens on 4oth a conscious and an unconscious level due to the sorting mechanism in the 4rain 5no7n as the 6eti!uar )!ti(ating System R($M6
RETICULAR ACTI5ATIN+ S/STE0
!ost of us are familiar 7ith the e;perience of deciding to 4uy a ne7 car6 (musing isn@t it that once you decided upon a model, suddenly you seem to see that model every7here you goA (s another e;ample, consider ho7 after hearing a ne7 7ord or song for the first time, you start hearing it again and again6 his is your Reticular (ctivating $ystem at 7or56 't can 7or5 for you or against you depending ho7 you prime it6 >nfortunately, many people are more accustomed to negatively rather than positively priming the R($6 Perhaps you are one6 #;amples of this can 4e repeatedly telling yourself or a group therapy sessionM a4out your 4ad childhood, or 7hat a failure you are6 >sing past issues such as lac5 of education, drug addiction or incarceration to create e;cuses may generate temporary sympathy or attention, 4ut, long-term focusing on past pro4lems is li5ely to 5eep you lodged in
pain, or even create the very outcome you hate and fear6 't 4ecomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, arresting progress and shac5ling you to the prison e;isting solely in your mind6 )our fears are the guards your negativity the 4ar4ed 7ire6 he good ne7s is 4y choosing a mission of Being "appy, you !an 7al5 out of that prison today6 ChoiceT!issionTBeliefT!eaning 't has already 4een clearly demonstrated that the attitude and actions of health professionals have the po7er to influence that progression and outcome of a patient@s illness, in 7ays that have little or nothing to do 7ith the physical treatment used6 /EM *hat 7e have learned from these practitioners and from our o7n relationships, especially from our clients, fully supports the premise of this 4oo56 Rather than chasing after happiness in the form of the right person, a 4etter o4 or a ne7 car, you can identify ho7 to feel good, decide 7here and 7hen you 7ant this to happen in your life6 )ou can e;ercise your po7er to choose your responses to any situation you may encounter6 Being "appy is ust such a process6 ChoiceT!issionTBeliefT!eaning ortunately, 7e don@t have to 4ecome a prisoner of 7ar in order to learn a4out Being "appy6 unctioning in a state of daily 7ell-4eing is 4oth art and science6 Despite mounting evidence that improving 7ell-4eing is easier and more cost-effective than trying to fi; people 7hen they go 7rong, it@s still highly unli5ely that anyone in *estern mainstream psychology or healthcare is ready to ac5no7ledge the fact, much less devote important ta; dollars to improving it6 he initial profit motive ust isn@t there6 But that@s in the *est6 't@s an entirely different story in apan6
I-I+AI
'5igai pronoun!ed ee5-e--aye@M is a apanese 7ord 7ithout an #nglish e:uivalent6 't is often translated as @su4ective 7ell-4eing6 'n practice it refers to a num4er of :ualities, including purpose, meaning, and a oyful or 7elcoming attitude to life6 "igh i5igai is associated 7ith health and longevity lo7 i5igai 7ith disease and reduced life e;pectancy6 ( seminal study conducted in 32 and recently pu4lished surveyed tens of thousands of apanese 4et7een the ages of 20 and .6 "idden in a large num4er of :uestions 7as one that simply as5ed, HDo you have i5igai in your lifeAI /FM
he respondents 7ere follo7ed up over the ne;t seven years, during 7hich a num4er of the respondents died6 *hen the researchers too5 into consideration various accepted ris5 factors, including age, gender, 4ody-7eight, smo5ing, alcohol consumption, diet, stress levels and history of disease, 5no7n in research as confounds, i5igai turned out to 4e a highly accurate predictor of 7ho 7ould still 4e alive at the end of the study6 $imply put nearly ES of those 7ho reported having a sense of meaning in their lives 7ere still alive after seven years, compared 7ith /S of those 7ho reported no meaning in their lives6 ChoiceT!issionTBeliefT!eaning he study supports 7hat 7e in NLP have 4een saying for nearly 20 years6 Despite initial s5epticism at some of the claims made such as people@s internal maps influence not only ho7 they perceive and respond to the 7orld 4ut actually affect their physical and emotional healthM, some studies in the *est are 4eginning to support the NLP approach6 Recent studies have suggested that optimism, /.M passion //M and a positive self-image /M all predispose the su4ect to7ards 4etter health and 7ell-4eing6 >nfortunately, all the *estern researchers and all their studies seem to presuppose that choice, meaning and mission are in4orn characteristics, rather li5e 4eing 4orn 7ith 4lue eyes or a s7immer@s 4uild6 his falls into the realm of 7hat 7e discussed in earlier chapters a4out not :uestioning the perceived or collective 7isdom6 "aving esta4lished the :ualities that lead to health, 7ell-4eing and longevity, 7e are left 7ith the :uestion 7hat no7A Neuro-Linguistic Programming has consistently claimed e;cellence is a learna4le s5ill6 $ome people still regard this idea 7ith s5epticism and therefore refuse to consider it6 "o7ever, since each su4ective e;perience has a discerni4le structure, most e;periences can 4e modeled, learned and passed on to other people6 "undreds of thousands and :uite possi4ly millions of people around the 7orld have chosen to try out the principles and techni:ues of NLP for themselves6 hey 7ill argue that no only can 7e help ourselves and others to progress in almost any field, 4ut 7e also have the technology for self-evolution6 ( sense of meaning 7e no7 5no7 is ine;trica4ly 4ound up in 4eliefs6 he 4eliefs a sufferer of angina or congenital heart failure or cancer holds regarding his or her illness may help decide the outcome of the condition6 Concurrently, a physician@s 4elief in the efficacy of a treatment is an important determinant in its success or failure6 0M
THE 0EANIN+ OF LIFE
*e are sometimes as5ed, *hat is the meaning of lifeA@ 'nevita4ly 7ith this :uestion the su4ect of religion comes up6 $ome of the people as5ing this :uestion are see5ing validation, hoping that 7e 7ill reinforce their 4elief that their religion is the right@ oneT7hich of course 7e don@t and 7on@t6 aith and 4elief are not the same thing6 $pirituality and 4elieving in something 4igger than ourselves undou4tedly has a maor impact on our health and 7ell-4eing, 4ut this :uestion isn@t a4out faith6 't@s a4out the application of life6 $imply put, the meaning of life is t"e meaning you as!ribe to it. *hat you 4elieve is 7hat you@ll see, hear and feel therefore it ma5es sense to pay special attention to the 4eliefs you hold6 *e the authorsM try to cultivate a sense of a7e in 4oth our clients and ourselves6 his isn@t difficult to do6 (fter all, if 7e 7eren@t part of something much 4igger than our physical and mental selves, ho7 can all our 4illions of individual neurons 7or5 together to produce coherent thoughts, a sense of history and create the e;perience 7e each call selfA he human organism is a miraculous thing6 )our heart 4eats t7o 4illion times in a lifetime your fingerprints are uni:ue, 7hile the neuro-cortical path7ays and potential connections of each human 4eing e;ceeds the num4er of atoms in the 5no7n universe6 )et despite your uni:ueness, the thing you have in common 7ith everyone else on the planet is the ama
Yuite simply, 7hen you hold 4eliefs that are so 4ig, the little things you have to do or put up 7ith in life don@t seem so over7helmingly large6 hat@s meaning6 hat@s life and life is good
B#%R# )%> !%+# %N % "# N#X C"(P#R, ta5e some time to revie7 everything that gives meaning to your life6 *rite these do7n6 or e;ample, if you ans7er Hmy childrenI, as5 yourself H*hat a4out my children provides meaning to my lifeAI H*hat@s even 4igger than having children ' loveAI
9eep refining your ans7ers until you have the sense that you can go no further6 hen, as5 yourself *hat is my purpose in lifeA *hat is my mission 7hile am ' on this planetA@ Don@t 7orry if you an ans7er to the last :uestioning isn@t immediately forthcoming6 'n the ne;t chapter 7e 7ill elicit and refine your unconscious mission and help direct you even further along the path of Being "appy6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
REFERENCES AND FOOTNOTES FOR CHATER SE5EN
/06 ran5l +# 1nd #d6 - 1002M he Doctor and the $oul rom Psychotherapy to Logotherapy, London $ouvenir Press /36 ran5l +6 Ne7 edition F !ay 1002M !an@s $earch for !eaning6 Rider & Co London Rider & Co /16 !P recording of !aor !ayer@s report is availa4le at httpJJrapidshare6comJfilesJ1F0//.FEJ Brain7ashing6rar 6
/6 $cheier !, Carver C$, %ptimism, coping, and health assessment and implications of generali9 Nelson hornes Ltd6, for further discussion 36 !cCullough ! et al 1000M, Religious involvement and mortality a meta-analytical revie76 "ealth Psychology 3133-11 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
CHATER EI+HT: /OUR ESSENTIAL NEEDS $i; 9eys to $urviving and lourishing 'n this chapter
O People need people O he need for control O %ptimism e:uals living longer O *hat Hre4alancingI really means6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK "uman 4eings, li5e all other living things, have certain needs food, 7ater, rest, someone 7ith 7hom to reproduce6 hese are all o4vious matters of survival and the failure to satisfy any of them can have fatal conse:uences to the individual or the species6 *hat is not as o4vious, though ust as important, is a group of needs that are vital to our species@ a4ility to survive and flourish6 !odern *estern medicine and psychiatry still fail to recogni
SI. ESSENTIAL NEEDS OF HU0AN BEIN+S
36 $ocial support and connectedness 16 ( sense of control 6 %ptimism
26 Belief in the predicta4ility of life E6 he a4ility to recover or re4alance after stressful engagement dissipating entropyM F6 Purpose and meaning, including a sense of spirituality and 4eing part of something 4igger than the individual self6 1M he converse is also true6 (n individual@s health and longevity may 4e adversely affected should these fundamental needs remain unmet6 hese si; attri4utes are 5no7n as psychological modulators@ they fit together to function as a 7hole, or to use an analogy, a 7heel made up of si; segments6 (s long as each segment is fully inflated, the 7heel can rotate smoothly and the system as a 7hole functions efficiently6 "o7ever, if one or more segment is deflated that is, the relevant need is not 4eing metM, much of the system@s energy is deflected to7ards trying to compensate for the deficit, in much the same 7ay as a flat tire 7ill drag a vehicle off-course6 his is 7hat happens 7hen you fail to fi; a serious pro4lem6 'f you don@t ta5e action, the causes of the situation may stay the same, 4ut, as energy continues to 4e dra7n a7ay from the rest of your life, the impact gets 7orse6` his chapter discusses processes and actions rather than setting goals or achieving specific states6 'n a later chapter, 7e@ll invite you to measure your present status via simple scales6 Remem4er people respond differently to challenges6 )our su4ective response 7ill 4e important6 hen, 7hen you have a clear idea of the areas of your life you@d li5e to improve, the rest of the 4oo5 7ill introduce you to a series of e;ercises designed strengthen the areas you 7ant to tac5le6
THE SI. ESSENTIAL NEEDS
!> Socia7 s2pport an1 connecte1ness
*e have all heard stories a4out someone surviving only a short time after the death of a muchloved spouse6 his phenomenon is a staple of passionate literature from $ha5espeare to some of the tear-er5er movies of today6 hirty years ago, Colin !urray Par5es pu4lished a comprehensive study demonstrating the occurrence 7as more than a literary device6 "e sho7ed
that many people, una4le to ma5e the transition to 4eing 7ithout their 4eloved, fall victim to a range of illnesses 7ith alarming fre:uency6 People often attri4uted this to the conse:uences of a H4ro5en heartI, a diagnosis most medical e;perts dismissed and some still dismissM out of hand6 "o7ever, science is increasingly revealing the condition is real enough, the result of profound emotional im4alance leading to malfunctioning 4ody chemistry6 >nless you have a natural or cultivated resilience to intense grief coupled 7ith loneliness, your 4ody goes into shoc5 closely resem4ling that suffered 4y victims of Post raumatic $tress Disorder6 "o7 you respond can literally mean the difference 4et7een life and death6 M $ome heart specialists no7 rate the impact of 4ro5en relationships and the ensuing loneliness as potentially as dangerous as clogged arteries and e;treme stress6 he largest study reflecting this 7as conducted 4y he !ayo Clinic@s Dr Chet Rihal6 'n it, he e;amines 7hat he calls H4ro5en heart syndromeI, and confirms a strong lin5 4et7een emotional loss and cardiac pro4lems6 (mong other findings, the study also notes roughly 30S of people 7ho survive a heart attac5 after the loss of a loved one are li5ely to have another attac5 7ithin a short period of time6 2M )et, despite the num4er of people 7ho fall victim to loss and loneliness, the maority of individuals appear to cope 7ithout serious pro4lems6 Genetics and general heart health undou4tedly are factors in their return to 4alance, 4ut a social connectedness that stretches 4eyond reliance on a single person is another significant factor6 !ore than F0-years ago in the little to7n of Roseto, Pennsylvania, found itself the center of scientific attention6 H*e couldn@t understand ho7 the people of Roseto had such a lo7 rate of myocardial infarction,I one of the researchers recalls6 H*e e;pected to find these super-fit people 7ho ate sparsely and too5 lots of e;ercise6 But that 7as not the case =I he residents of Roseto 7ere hardly models of health and fitness6 hey ate fatty food, dran5 alcohol and lounged around 7henever possi4le6 'n fact their lifestyle 7as identical to that of their neigh4ors in near4y to7ns and cities6 he sole difference the scientists could find 7as that Rosetans 7ere strongly 4onded6 hey 7ere friendly 4arn-raisers6 #veryone 5ne7 each other they volunteered help 7henever it 7as needed, and they reported a po7erful sense of 4elonging and identity 7ithin the community6 'f this 7as 7hat protected the Rosetans, scientists theori
he scientists 4egan a E0-year longitudinal study 7hich ultimately proved their theory6 (s the to7nspeople 4ecame more H(mericani
"> A sense of contro7
$oldiers under fire are more li5ely to develop Post-raumatic $tress Disorder if they feel they lac5 control and support from their comrades6 .M his phenomenon is no less common, and no less dangerous, to people in everyday life and 7or5 situations 7ho feel as if they are spiraling out of control6 (ccording to the *orld "ealth %rgani
ortunately, the opposite is also true6 (s control is restored and more choices 4ecome availa4le the effect of even maor life-challenges can 4e offset6 300M he su4ective e;perience of pain and need for medication decreases, 303M and the su4ect may even live significantly longer than people 7ho feel less in control6 301M
#> Opti3is3
%ptimistic people do 4etter in almost all areas of life than their pessimistic counterparts6 his is not a4out advocating false hope or denial6 Rather it@s a4out encouraging people to develop the
e;pectation that things 7ill get 4etter6 'n truth, it almost al7ays does6 Life is dynamic and change is its sole permanent feature6 herefore, the chance of any circumstances improving is al7ays present6 Does that mean that all pro4lems 7ill 4e fi;ed in some cosmic machine shopA Not necessarily6 *hat is important is e;pectation, t"e beief that the situation ho7ever 4ad, can improve in some 7ay or other6 his is a mar5 of someone adept at Being "appy6
THE +LASS IS HALF FULL
Ro4ert $apols5y in his 4oo5 on stress and coping, #"y $ebras Don>t 5et U!ers , 30M notes a study in 7hich parents 7hose children diagnosed 7ith cancer 7ere only moderately distressed upon learning the disease carried a 1ES ris5 of death6 he reason, he concluded, 7as that the .ES survival odds 7ere perceived as miraculously high6 (s $apols5y o4served, the meaning people attach to events can literally ma5e the difference 4et7een life and death6 302M 30EM 't\s not so much the reality of a situation that triggers the response, 4ut 7hether it is interpreted as either positive@ or negative@6 his is the reason 7e encourage doctors to frame the information they give to their patients in 7ays that predispose them to7ards an optimistic outcome6 't is not only 5inder to tell a patient that there is a 20S chance of 4eating a particular disease than a F0S chance of dying from it, 4ut, presenting the information in this 7ay may ust save his or her life6 his reminds us of the story of the patient 7ho 7as told 4y his doctor that there 7as a ES chance that he 7ould survive the e;tremely serious disease 7ith 7hich had 4een diagnosed6 he man?an optimist after our o7n hearts?leapt to his feet e;citedly and e;claimed, H'\ll ta5e itIM
26 Predicta4ility %nce people are a4le to predict certain events 7ith reasona4le accuracy, their response to painful and stressful situations improves6 +ulnera4le populations in London during the Blit< not only adapted to the constant threat of regular German air raids, 4ut 4ecame considera4ly more resilient to stress diseases than their fello7 countrymen living in areas 7here raids 7ere more erratic6
"o7ever, 4oth too much and too little predicta4ility can have their do7nside6 People sometimes 5ill themselves rather than face a maor life-change, such as a divorce6 his supports +irginia $atir@s opinion that 5eeping things the same is a stronger human compulsion than even the drive to stay alive6 30FM )et, human 4eings also crave e;citement and novelty6 People employed in highly repetitive and predicta4le o4s often suffer from high levels of o4 dissatisfaction, a4senteeism and high 4lood pressure6 he effects of mundanity are reversi4le6 By simply introducing variety, interspersing 4oring assem4ly-line activities 7ith less predicta4le activities, health and 7ell-4eing can 4e restored6 30.M %nce again, su4ective perception and response is the 5ey6 $ome people favor a more predicta4le e;istence, 7hile others ump out of planes or off 4ridges tied to 4ungee cords6 't should 4e noted that even 7here people indulge in e;treme sports, they do so voluntarily6 hey 5no7 7hen and 7here it is going to happen?itself a form of predicta4ility6 he fact is 7e all need a measure of predicta4ility and novelty 7ithin our lives6 Creating the proper 4alance underlies Being "appy6
E6 Dissipating entropy People ta5e in and use energy from many different sources food, information, the ups and do7ns of daily e;perience, maor pro4lems and challenges, etc6 $cientists are 4eginning to understand that a failure to dissipate unused energy or its chemical 4y-products can have a negative effect on an individual@s health and 7ell-4eing6 his potentially to;ic 4uild-up 7e call entropy@, a 7ord and a process 4orro7ed from the field of thermodynamics6 Dissipating entropy is essential to finding the s7eet spot 4et7een 4eing healthy or sic56 'nformation and challenges 4om4ard you at a phenomenal rate6 he speed at 7hich you@re e;pected to cope is increasing6 'f you fail to dissipate the 7aste-products of this frenp to a half of people see5ing help from their physicians are suffering from physical and emotional conditions that have no identifia4le of pathological cause6 *hile 7e@re not saying stress is the sole cause of these pro4lems, it@s safe to say that all of them are made 7orse 4y an overload of the nervous system6 Learning ho7 to effectively handle and dissipate entropy is another 5ey to Being "appy6 his is 7hat re4alancing@ really means6 30/M 30M 330M
F6 Purpose and !eaning his is a massive su4ect that deserves a chapter on its o7n6 Prior to reading on, revie7 the five categories already discussed and get a feeling for your strengths and deficits in each category6 )ou 7ill have an opportunity in Part 7o to deal 7ith each need in turn6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
REFERENCES AND FOOTNOTES FOR CHATER EI+HT
16 homson G, 9han 9 100/M !agic in Practice 'ntroducing !edical NLP ?he (rt and $cience of Language in "ealing and "ealth6 London "ammersmith Press 6 allis, ran5 100/M Love $ic56 London (rro7 Boo5s 26 Rayl ($, he "igh Price of a Bro5en "eart, Psychology oday, ulyJ(ugust 100. E6 #golf B, La s5er , *olf $, Potvin L 31M he Roseto #ffect a E0-year comparison of mortality rates6 (merican ournal of Pu4lic "ealth /1/M 30/-16 F6 (nderson NB, (nderson P# 100M, #motional Longevity6 Ne7 )or5 +i5ing Penguin6 .6 $olomon, ahava !i5ulincer, !ario (vit
3036 Chapman C 3/M Giving the patient control of opioid analgesic administration6 'n "ill C, ield * edsM (dvances in Pain Research and herapy, vol6 ''6 Philadelphia, P( Lippincott *illiams and *il5ins 3016 Rodin 3/FM (geing and health effects of the sense of control6 $cience 131.3-F6
306 $apols5y R 1002M * hy e4ras Don@t Get >lcers he Guide to $tress, $tress-Related Diseases, and Coping, rd ed6 Ne7 )or5 "enry "olt 3026 Peterson C, $eligman !, +a illant G 3/M Pessimistic e;planatory style is a ris5 factor for physical illness a E-year longitudinal study6 ournal of Personality and $ocial Psychology EE11. 30E6 9u4, $oderlund , Grand:vist ! 3M Psychological and physiological stress reactions of male and female assem4ly 7or5ers a comparison 4et7een t7o forms of 7or5 organisation6 ournal of %rganisational Psychology EE 1-1. 30/6 Rosendal !, %lsen , in5 P 100EM, !anagement of medically une;plained symptoms6 B! 0 2-E 306 *essley $, Nimnuan C, $harpe ! 3M, unctional somatic syndromes one or manyA Lancet E2 F- 3306 %lde "artman , Lucasseen P, +an de Lisdon5 #, Bor ", +an de *eel C 1002M, Chronic functional symptoms a single syndromeA British ournal of General Practice E2 11-. KKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
CHATER N INE: CO00IT0ENT6 CONFIDENCE AND CO0ULSION
'n this chapter O *hat elite performers do differently O o do or to 4eA O Decisions and follo7-through O un 7ith fetishes6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK $uccessful people in all 7al5s of life are not only confident they can live life to the fullest, 4ut they@re committed to doing 7hat needs to 4e done in order to get 7here they 7ant to 4e6 $ome, the elite ma5ing up the top four percent of a given population, are compelled to 5eep moving for7ard6 Committing to ne7 challenges occurs easily 7hen you O "ave a clear direction6 (s 7e@ll e;plain later, this is not :uite the same thing as setting goals O 9no7 7hat needs to 4e done and do it consistently, even compulsively, no matter 7hat happens, O ind 7ays to feel good, not ust 7hen you achieve 7hat you set out to accomplish, 4ut at fre:uent points along the 7ay6
$urprisingly, many people 7ho should 5no7 4etter never 4other to actually plan to 4e successful6 hey 7orry at great length a4out their pro4lems, or, more often, a4out their imagined pro4lems, then 7onder 7hy their fantasies a4out having health, 7ealth and happiness don@t :uite match their e;perience6
(merican 4as5et4all legend Bo44y 9night often said that, 7hile the 7ill to succeed 7as important, the 7ill to prepare to succeed 7as even more so6 333M 9night@s insight suggests that planning and preparation involve more than the over-simple pencil and paper planning 4eloved of some 4usiness and self-development seminars6 !ost people 5no7 ho7 to set goals fe7 plan to have the appropriate mind-set and commitment to see those goals through to completion6 (ttitude, energy and follo7-through are the 5eys to success6 *hen most people tal5 a4out having vision, they@re spea5ing metaphorically a4out plans and o4ectives6 'n NLP, 7e mean it literally6 'f you don@t ta5e the trou4le to see clearly in your mind@s eye 7hat you 7ant, you 7on@t do 7hat@s necessary for ongoing fulfillment6 his is the pro4lem 7ith most planning methods that teach people to visuali
By forgetting to include himself in the picture and ma5ing it a static image, everyone and everything in it 7as fro
DESTRUCTI5E 0OTI5ATION
%ne of the most corrosive 7ays people motivate themselves is 7ith stress and fear6 )ou see this pattern every7here, most nota4ly in our schools and colleges6 !ay4e a student has a proect or a term paper to complete 7ith a deadline three months a7ay6 "is responseA Put it off6 here@s no 4ig hurry and the student may rationali
E.ERCISE !%: LANNIN+ TO SUCCEED
36 Decide on an outcome you 7ould li5e to have6 9eep it fairly simple at this stage6 16 No7, ma5e a large picture of you and those people in your life 7ho are important to you enoying this outcome6 6 !ove the picture 4ac5 ma5e it really 4ig, and then start adding details to smaller pictures 4et7een you and your outcome6 'f you try to put everything in the same picture, especially a still picture, it\s li5ely to 4ecome cluttered6 herefore, move the picture 4ac5, ma5e it really 4ig, and then start adding details to smaller pictures 4et7een you and your outcome6 hese should contain specific information a4out the actions needed to move in your desired direction6 hese should prefera4ly 4e moving pictures and you should 4e clear at each point ho7 you 7ould li5e that e;perience to feel6 26 *hen the entire se:uence is in place, step into the 4eginning and run the scenario, seeing, hearing and feeling everything you@d e;perience if it 7as actually happening no76 Notice ho7 it feels to 4e there, moving to7ards your o4ective6 !a5e sure that each transitional picture gets 4igger, 4righter and more detailed the closer you come to it6 E6 Repeat the e;ercise several times a day6 !ost importantly, ma5e this the last thing you do at night6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
Planning to succeed is a core s5ill6 But is it al7ays enoughA *hat 7ould happen if you found yourself a4solutely driven to achieve or complete something that 7ould 4ring an enormous amount of positivity into your lifeA "o7 much 4etter 7ould your life 4e if
you could turn an appropriate desire into a compulsion or fetish so you a4solutely "ad to do itA )ou already do this 7ith some things6 hin5 a4out some of your uni:ue compulsions, the things that you simply cannot not do6 he tric5 to turning a simple o4ective into a fetish is to consciously line it up 7ith one of those o4sessions your mind already 5no7s ho7 to do6 he follo7ing e;ercise sho7s you e;actly ho7 to do that6
E.ERCISE !&: THE FUN 4ITH FETISHES ATTERN
36 hin5 of something you enoy doing6 )ou may not 4e compelled to do it, 4ut 7henever you do, you feel great6 !a5e a list of the su4modalities of the e;perience, noticing the 5inesthetics feelingsM prompting you to ta5e action6 (nchor this feeling 4y pressing together t"e t"umb and forefinger of one hand6
16 hin5 of something you feel utterly compelled to do6 !ay4e if there@s a piece of chocolate ca5e in front of you, you a4solutely must have it6 !a5e a list of the su4-modalities6 Notice the 5inesthetic that lets you 5no7 you are going to ta5e a 4ite and no4ody@s going to stop you6 Can you feel the saliva 4eginning to pool in your mouth, the delicious tightening of the upper part of your throatA (nchor this 4y pressing together the t"umb and se!ond finger of the same hand6
6 No7 thin5 of something you do that gives you huge pleasure 7hen you do it6 )ou@re dra7n ine;ora4ly to it and the anticipation is almost as delightful as the act itself6 *hen you@ve fulfilled it, you@ll have a period of respite6 hen, even 7ithout intending to, you@ll find yourself pushed and shoved to do it again6 his is a fetish Don@t 7orry6 *e@re not going to as5
you 7hat it isM6 List the su4-modalities, especially the point-of-no-return 5inesthetic6 (nchor that 4y pressing together t"e t"umb and ring 8t"ird9 finger of the same hand6
26 !ove your position a 4it to 4rea5 state@6
No7 rela; and thin5 of your commitment to develop your s5ills at Being "appy6 #ven though you don@t 5no7 all the steps as of yet, thin5 of ho7 you 7ant to 4ehave ho7 you and others 7ill perceive you ho7 you@ll 4e tal5ing to yourself and others, and 7hat you@ll 4e feeling6 ire your three anchors in :uic5 succession 4y pressing your thum4 on your first, second and third fingers6
E6 "old your third anchor and step into the image in the previous step, 4ringing all the su4modalities into line 7ith those you identified 7hen analy
B#%R# !%+'NG %N % $#C'%N *% (ND "# N#X C"(P#R, ma5e a list of all the things you@d li5e to accomplish6 Rate them on a scale from
REFERENCES AND FOOTNOTES FOR CHATER NINE
3336 77764rainy:uote6comJ:uotesJauthorsJ4J4o44yK5night6html KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
ART T4O
"o7 to 4ecome = "# P#R$%N )%> C(N B#
CHATER TEN: 0EETIN+ /OUR NEEDS
'n this chapter O >pgrading your relationships
O i;ing the fear of meeting ne7 people O Developing a mind of your o7n O Programming in an optimistic outloo56 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK his chapter and the ne;t are the longest and most detailed of the entire 4oo56 #ach re:uires your focused and complete attention6 Commit to this and you@ll receive su4stantial returns6 'n order not to 4e over7helmed, 7e suggest 7or5ing your 7ay through the e;ercises at a measured pace6 *e recommend you engage in no more than t7o e;ercises a 7ee56 !eeting your needs is a 7ay of caring for yourself, so don@t rush it6 )ou can score yourself at 7hatever stage you feel that you have invested fully in the process6 Remem4er, these are not Band (ids] designed to fi; some simple, immediate pro4lem6 Rather, you@re 4uilding ongoing s5ills that 7ill 4enefit you for the rest of your life6
E.ERCISE !' 0EETIN+ NEED !: SOCIAL CONNECTEDNESS
!ar5 your present status for social connectedness on a scale of 0 to E 0?3?1??2?E (s 7e@ve sho7n else7here, a sense of social connectedness is critically important to our physical and mental 7ell4eing6 Yuite simply, human 4eings, li5e many animals, are social 4eings6 *e need to connect, to hear and 4e heard, to touch and 4e touched6 #ven if you choose to get a7ay from it all and find a little patch of land gro7ing your o7n food, you end up tal5ing to the vegeta4les6 People must communicate6 'n situations 7here you don@t have friends or companions, you@re li5ely end up tal5ing to yourself, usually in your head, 4ut sometimes aloud6 *hen you@re particularly isolated, you create imaginary friends6 'f you@re not a mem4er of a real society, you@re compelled to invent one6 his is ust the 5ind of animals 7e are6 $ince the drive to 4elong is so compelling, and important to our health, it@s mystifying 7hy so many people leave their relationships entirely to chance6 hey form friendships almost randomly6 !aintaining those friendships is seldom a matter of conscious action6 hey meet, marry or form partnerships, may4e have children and ta5e it all for granted6 )ears later, they complain they have no people they can rely on, or that the spar5 has gone out of their relationships6 $ome 7ill lament that their children do not listen to them, or 7orse, don@t even seem to care6 (depts of Being "appy don@t do@ relationships6 'nstead, they relate 4y regarding relations 7ith family, friends, associates and ac:uaintances as ongoing, interactive, living processes re:uiring care and attention in order to flourish6 'n short they nurture each relationship6 #ven ne7comers are 7elcomed 7ith the possi4ility that they may transmute from stranger to associate, or even from ally to friend6 he follo7ing e;ercise is an invitation to create a map of your social connections, and develop a game plan for upgrading the roles of those people 7ith 7hom you can form a mutually supportive and re7arding alliance6 (fter that, you can e;plore techni:ues that allo7 you to 7ipe out
pro4lems such as social pho4ia, and to repair or improve relationships currently facing challenges6
STREN+THENIN+ /OUR SOCIAL CONNECTEDNESS art I
Dra7 the a4ove figure on a large sheet of paper6 Revie7 all your present social connections and fill in their names in the respective
STREN+THENIN+ /OUR SOCIAL CONNECTEDNESS art II
No7 that you@ve identified your relationships, on a second sheet of paper, dra7 the same circle diagram6 his time, reorder all your social connections 4y moving those people 7ith 7hom you 7ould ike closer relations nearer to the center of the circles6 $ome people in one ( or B may 4y close to you, 4ut may e;ert a negative influence6 'f this is the case, move these people a7ay from the center into the appropriate circle representing the follo7ing attri4utes ( [ People 7ho actively support me in all aspects of my life6 B [ (c:uaintances 7ith 7hom ' 7ould li5e a deeper relationship6 C [ People ' respect and admire and am prepared to ta5e action in order to get to 5no7 4etter6 D [ Role models e;ceptional achievers, dead or alive, real or fictionalM6
STREN+THENIN+ /OUR SOCIAL CONNECTEDNESS art III
%n a third piece of paper, create a series of 7ide columns headed (, B, C, and D turn your paper horinder each heading, list all the names from the second figure and alongside each, 7rite do7n three practical, actiona4le steps you can ta5e in order to achieve the shift from their present placement to a ne7, more central position6 or e;ample, you might decide to reinforce your 4onds 7ith a friend or family mem4er 4y volunteering to 4a4ysit or run errands, or simply giving an une;pected gift you could invite a 7or5 colleague to lunch, or as5 someone you admire to mentor you6 Don@t 4e afraid to as5 important figures or role models for advice or inspiration they can only decline = although a surprising num4er of people are flattered 4y the re:uest6 'f the role model is fictional or dead, 4ecome even more familiar 7ith his or her life and philosophy6 Read auto4iographies, profiles, maga
Note do7n the target positions of each, 4e specific in your plans, and ensure that the steps are 7ithin your control6 Revise and re7rite until you have a clear idea of ho7 to proceed6 $et a date for starting each mini proect, and commit to starting each then, and to follo7ing through6 9eep notes of the progress you ma5e6
Note o avoid over7helming yourself, schedule your approaches over managea4le timeframes6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
I0RO5IN+ RESENT RELATIONSHIS
$adly, many people fail to value and nurture the relationships they already have6 hey don@t realiniversity at Buffalo College of (rts and $ciences, the 7ay people loo5, sound and feel is all-important6 $o is ho7 they smell?not ust that they smell of stra74erries or vanilla rather than milde7 or old soc5s, 4ut that they give off the right 5ind of minute olfactory particles called pheromones that carry many different messages, including se;, alarm aggression, fear territoriality =and love6 331M
*hen the pheromones loc5 into their receptors, a series of feel-good neuropeptides, including vasopressin and o;ytocin as 7ell as the neurotransmitter, dopamine, flood the system to reinforce 4onding and re7ard you for the act of coming together 7ith a potential mate6 %f course, the neurochemistry of falling?and staying?in love is ust part of the story6 !aintaining a relationship is a conscious and systematic process6 (ny4ody 7ho tells you the e;citement of a ne7 relationship has to fade simply hasn@t learned ho7 to run their o7n 4rain?not to mention the rest of their 4ody6 *hen you initially fall in love, you spend an enormous amount of time revie7ing the good :ualities of your 4eloved, even 7hen you@re apart6 hey are the last thing you thin5 a4out 7hen you go to sleep 7hich means you also dream a4out themM, and the first thing that comes to mind 7hen you a7a5e6 )ou fantasi
you do not 7ant to lose, ta5e great care not to let this process happen accidentally6 he e;ercise 4elo7 7ill ena4le you to mitigate this process and esta4lish the proper mindset to 5eep your relationshipsM in good repair6 a5e a moment and consider the energy you have 4een 7asting in allo7ing a 5ey relationship to founder6 his could 4e a love relationship, 4usiness, family or friendship6 Perhaps you have 4een arguing more than you used to6 Perhaps you feel guilty for not responding the 7ay you 5no7 7ould 4e 4est for you 4oth6 (s5 yourself 7hat you could 4e doing to put a smile on the other person@s face6 Do you remem4er 7hat that used to 4eA *hen you first decided to hoo5 up 7ith this person, did you intend to ma5e him or her hate youA Pro4a4ly not6 Remem4er no7 ho7 pleasant your time used to 4e 7ith this person6 *ould you rather 4e doing the activities that made you feel good to 4e 7ith this person, or 7ould you rather 4e fightingA
E.ERCISE !(: REAIRIN+ OR I0RO5IN+ A RELATIONSHI
36 Choose a relationship you@d li5e to improve or repair6
16 Choose three incidents or 4ehaviors that represent :ualities that threaten the 4ond6 he mental pictures and the feelings associated 7ith these memories 7ill 4e vivid6 )ou@re most li5ely to 4e replaying these scenarios from an associated point of vie7 as if you@re actually there as they happenM6
6 No7 choose three desira4le :ualities or 4ehaviors that you 5no7 the relationship has, or once had, 4ut 7hich have 4een pushed into the 4ac5ground6 he mental pictures of these memories are li5ely to 4e dissociated i6e6 smaller, less distinct, framed, as if on a television screen, lac5ing in color and movementM6 eelings 7ill 4e vague6
26 Close your eyes and picture each negative e;perience6 Begin 7or5ing your 7ay through the three negative e;periences6 Picture each of the e;periences in turn, pushing them slo7ly a7ay into the distance, seeing yourself appear in the image dissociating from the un7anted e;perienceM6 (s you move the picture further a7ay, allo7 the color and movement to drain a7ay until it@s ust a vague dot or 4lur in the distance6 Repeat this five times for each scenario6 Do it as rapidly as possi4le6
E6 Ne;t, thin5 a4out the three positive memories and scenarios you 7ould li5e to restore to the relationship Step #M6 Close your eyes again6 'n your mind@s eye, 4ring the picture of each event rapidly up to7ards you, increasing color, si
F6 No7, sit 4ac5 and send your creative imagination into the future6 $ee yourself fully involved in a series of typical e;periences 7ith your partner, 7ith increasing enoyment and enthusiasm6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
SOCIAL HOBIA
!any of the clients 7e meet complain that they Hust can@t ma5e ne7 friendsI, or if they have 4een sufficiently therapi
to ma5e and form relationships6 $ocial pho4ia is one of the ne7er additions to the list of Hpsychiatric disordersI as defined 4y the D$! series6 Loo5ing past the diagnostic go44ledygoo5, it@s easy to see that social pho4ics are afraid of tal5ing to people for a very simple reason6 hey choose to avoid ne7 social contacts 4y spending their time staring do7n at the floor, telling themselves 7hat a horri4le, dangerous thing meeting ne7 people is, and ho7 right they are to avoid doing it?even though every4ody does it all day long, and most of us survive6 't gets stranger6 %ne client 7as a social pho4ic 7hose o4 7as to intervie7 people6 (s long as he 7as as5ing :uestions from his list he felt fine6 "o7ever, he 7as una4le even to have lunch 7ith his co-7or5ers6 "e 7ould ta5e his lunch outside and lie on the 4ac5 seat of his car so he 7ould not have to ma5e eye-contact 7ith any4ody6 or this person, spea5ing 7ith people 7as not impossi4le in practice his stic5ing point 7as he simply did not have a list of :uestions to as5 people he 7as not intervie7ing6 "e had convinced himself he needed a script to communicate6 "is mental model actually included the a4ility to meet and tal5 to ne7 people6 *hat 7as different 7as the 7ay he thought a4out 7hat he 7as doing6 (t 2E years old, he had already spent most of his life living in a4ect terror of social interactions6 )et in a matter of hours after putting into practice some of the s5ills presented in this 4oo5, meeting ne7 people 7asn@t so scary6 'nstead of thin5ing a4out ne7 encounters 7ith trepidation, he could no7 loo5 for7ard 7ith enthusiasm6 't 7asn@t a profoundly different process 4ut, on the level of neurochemistry it affected his 4ody entirely differently6 he simplest shifts can have profound results6 Regardless of 7hether you or someone else has la4eled you a social pho4ic, if you pay attention to the 4igger picture, you@ll almost certainly discover e;ceptions to your pattern of avoidance6 here are people you meet and tal5 to under certain, :uite specific, conditions6 #:ually certainly, you@ll find the 7ay you thin5 a4out these people is different from the 7ay you thin5 a4out strangers6 (s 7e often tell clients, it@s seldom that social pho4ics 4elieve that strangers 7ill 4e hostile to them6 Rather they simply don@t have a mental model for the ne7 people li5ing and responding positively to them6 est this for yourself6
E.ERCISE !): FI.IN+ /OUR SOCIAL HOBIA
36 'magine meeting someone 7ith 7hom you are perfectly comforta4le6
Notice ho7 you thin5 of them6 Do you see yourself interacting positively or, at least, 7ithout tensionMA Do you notice that the other person is rela;ed and accepting of youA 's the picture 4ig, 4rightA 's it filled 7ith color and movementA
16 No7, thin5 of meeting someone ne76 Loo5ing past the almost inevita4le visceral response you 7ill have, 7hat is the stranger doing and sayingA !ay4e he or she loo5s for4idding, 4ut, more li5ely you 7ill have difficulty reading his or her responses6 'f you are a social pho4ic@, the feeling attached to this scenario 7ill 4e unmista5a4le6 't is common for people 7ho cannot ascertain a stranger@s intentions 7ithin the first split-second of meeting to fall 4ac5 to the evolutionary default position of fear and 7ithdra7al6
6 Rate the intensity of your response, 7ith 0 4eing almost non-e;istent to E 4eing hugely upsetting6
26 +isuali
E6 Chec5 ho7 your rating has changed6 'f you need something more, cycle 4ac5 to $tep 2 and 7hen you@ve created a 7arm and 7elcoming stranger amplify 7hatever degree of pleasure you feel 4y spinning it faster and faster as you 4ring the image closer, ma5ing it 4igger and 4righter6
F6 Repeat this e;ercise several times6 Continue to imagine ho7 you 7ill respond differently and more appropriately in a num4er of possi4le situations6 *hat you@re doing is creating a ne7 e;perience in your mind 7ith a ne7 7ay of handling a situation through repetition6 (fter you have put the a4ove actions into effect, mar5 your ne7 status 0?3?1??2?E KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
THE 0A+IC ,UESTION
>ltimately improving your relationship 7ith anyone often comes do7n to one, simple, pro4ing :uestion6 'f you 7ant to 5no7 ho7 to improve a relationship 7ith someone, simply as56 (s5 :uestions li5e H*hat needs to happen for you to feel really loved appreciated, that you are doing a good o4 etcMAI H"o7 do you 5no7 7hen you are really li5ed 4y someoneAI Pay attention to ho7 the person ans7ers this :uestion6 "e or she 7ill tell you 7hat needs to happen6 his is the process ans7er you@re see5ing6 hen, see ho7 you can adust your 4ehavior to meet his or her needs and ma5e the most out of the time you spend 7ith this person6 'n turn, if you have certain needs you@d li5e your partner to meet, ust say so6 Be specific and positive6 't@s 4etter to say
H' really li5e it 7hen you hug me 7hen you get homeI -+ersusH)ou never pay me any attention anymore6I
Not everyone 5no7s or remem4ersM 7hat lights your particular fire6
0EETIN+ NEED ": A SENSE OF CONTROL
Before 7e start this ne;t section, ho7 7ould you mar5 your present sense of control over your life on a scale of 0-E,
control either the forces of nature or the 7ay your friends, family and colleagues 4ehave6 >nfortunately, you are li5ely to fail6 'n reality, if you loo5 at any o4 or relationship giving you pro4lems, you have only four options (6 (ccept things as they are and get on 7ith it B6 ry to change the other person or people C6 Change your o7n responses D6 Leave6
%ption ( 7ill almost certainly increase your resentment, 7hile B 7ill carry you into ne7er and even more painful areas of frustration and failure6 he fourth, D, may not 4e an option6 )ou may have little li5elihood of getting another o4, or you 5no7, deep do7n, that your relationship is 7orth fighting for6 he third option C, changing your o7n responses, is 7hat 7e mean 4y control?real control6 he good ne7s is option C is also the easiest to accomplish6 Changing your responses means paying attention to the details of your o7n thin5ing patterns6 his does not mean ruminating or 7allo7ing in the 7hys and 7herefores of your situation6 't does mean 4ac5ing up and ta5ing time to chec5 the tone and volume of your self-tal5, the 5ind of pictures you are creating?ho7 4right, ho7 focused and ho7 4ig or small they are, and 7hether they are moving or still for a range of possi4ilities, see (ppendi; BM6 'f you do not pay attention to these details then you 7ill not have that sense of control6 %nce you have identified your responses and thin5ing patterns, you can change them in 7ays that create coherence6 'n other 7ords, they 7ill allo7 you to ma5e sense of a 7orld that previously failed to ma5e sense6 )ou are changing your mental map, your su4ective e;perience, and replacing it 7ith protocols that give you more, rather than less, of 7hat you 7ant6 he follo7ing, one of the simplest e;ercises in NLP, elegantly demonstrates ho7 this 7or5s6
E.ERCISE "*: CHAN+IN+ /OUR SUBGECTI5E E.ERIENCE
he follo7ing e;ercise is designed to help you change the feelings associated 7ith a particular memory or e;perience so that it 7or5s for you rather than against you6 !ost people consider memories and the feelings associated 7ith these memories as fi;ed6 or, e;ample, recall as fully as possi4le a particularly enoya4le e;perience a vacation, sayM6 )ou 7ill also re-e;perience some of the pleasure you felt at the time6
36 hin5 a4out a particularly pleasant e;perience6 Rate the degree of enoyment you can recapture thin5ing a4out this memory on a scale of 0-to-30 7ith
16 Notice "ow you are remem4ering the e;perience ocus particularly the location of the image, its si
6 Ne;t, in your mind push the image a7ay from you to7ards the hori
26 est your response 4y chec5ing your feelings a4out the image and notice any changes6 )ou 7ill almost certainly feel a sense of separation from the e;perience, almost as though it happened a long time ago, or to some4ody else6
E6 inally, put the image 4ac5 7here it 7as, restoring its former :ualities6 %nce you have returned your image to its former :uality, move it closer to you ma5ing 4righter, 4igger and more intense6 $ee yourself stepping right into the center of it6 #;perience it 7ith all your senses6 Notice 7hether this increases your good feelings6 'f it does, and you prefer things this 7ay, you can leave it as it is, or you can return to the 7ay it 7as at the 4eginning6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
(s you 7ill discover later in the 4oo5, you can use this simple techni:ue to push a7ay and reduce the impact of un7anted memories6 'f this seems a 4it difficult in the 4eginning, don@t 7orry6 )ou are doing something different and in time you 7ill 4ecome adept6 %nce that happens, you 7ill 4e a4le to reduce the impact of situations or people that 4other you on you 7hile 4ecoming more internally referenced6 his means, you 7ill start acting on decisions you ma5e yourself, rather than loo5ing out7ards and trying to ma5e the 7orld or, other peopleM meet your needs or relying on other people to tell you the right@ 7ay for you to thin5 and to live your life6
A 0IND OF /OUR O4N
People struggling 7ith issues of domination, indecisiveness or negative life-e;periences often as5 us to help them learn ho7 to trust their o7n opinions, feelings and e;periences in order to reduce the influence others have over them6 he first step is learning to distinguish 4et7een your 7isdom and intelligence, and the opinion of others6 't@s often helpful to remem4er that 7hoever is telling you 7ho you are and 7hat you should do, 7hat they@re telling you is still only their opinion6 he follo7ing is an e;ercise differentiating the opinions of others from your o7n ideas and e;perience through mental coding6 !astering this 7ill ena4le you to ma5e informed decisions,
create mental 4arriers against manipulation and allo7 you to identify from 7here the information used in your decision-ma5ing srcinates6
E.ERCISE "!: DE5ELOIN+ A 0IND OF /OUR O4N=
he first three steps illustrate ho7 you 5no7 7hen an idea or thought is your o7n6 he remaining steps allo7 you to identify someone else@s ideas6
ART I: IDENTIF/IN+ /OUR O4N THOU+HTS
36 Recall a past e;perience in 7hich you acted decisively, effectively and of your o7n volition6 'n other 7ords, you decided to do something 4ecause it seemed right?and it 7as6 his is not simply a 4elief6 't is something you actually e;perienced6 't is 4oth personal and incontroverti4le6
16 Notice the :ualities su4-modalitiesM of this e;perience6 %nce again, it is li5ely that you are associated into a large, moving, panoramic image6 his is ho7 you 5no7 the thoughts and opinions srcinate from 7ithin you6 %f course, your 7ay of coding o7nership may 4e different go 7ith 7hatever your particular pattern happens to 4e6M
6 'magine yourself applying the a4ove t7o steps every time you need to test o7nership of any thought in the future6
ART II: IDENTIF/IN+ SO0EONE ELSE=S THOU+HTS
36 hin5 of a time 7hen you 7ere pushed to accept something you 5ne7 7as someone else@s opinion rather than a reflection of your o7n6 ust 4ecause the idea 7as someone else@s doesn@t mean it 7as not true or correct6 his e;ercise is not a4out that6 't is a4out providing you 7ith a means to distinguish 4et7een srcinal thought, yours and that of someone else6 #;amples of an e;ternal reference or an opinion usually telling you 7ho to 4e, ho7 to thin5 or 7hat to doM might include H)ou should respect your elders6I H)ou ust don@t try hard enough6I HLove is never having to say you@re sorry6I
16 Recall an image of the person or people telling you 7hat to thin5 or do and ma5e it smaller than the internally referenced representation the idea you 5no7 is your o7n from Part 'M6 Put a thic5, 4lac5 4order around it6 Place a pinch of salt in each corner some humor ma5es things even easierM6 (ttach an auditory cue?the 5ind of half-:uestioning noise 7e ma5e 7hen 7e are not yet convinced 4y something someone else is trying to get us to 4elieve or do e6g62u"?9 Blac5 frames, pinches of salt and your distinctive sound, to protect yourself from automatically accepting the opinion of others simply get into the ha4it of placing other people@s opinions of you and 7hat you should do in this place, tagged 7ith these characteristics6
6 No7, imagine moving along your future life6 $ee yourself moving confidently through life as the 4eliefs and opinions you encounter are automatically sorted6 )our o7n opinions are the panoramic, self-referring ones, lined up ahead of you, as if on a road or path7ay representing your future your future timelineM6 he remainder, those emanating from other people, are stac5ed in 4lac5 frames along this future timeline to one side?7ithin easy reach should they prove useful, 4ut, other7ise, out of your 7ay6
TI: 'f you feel over7helmed 4y past, restrictive inun ctions other people@s ideas and opinions
defining ho7 you see yourselfM, use this same sorting procedure for each idea6 $imply imagine floating up a4ove your past, as if it 7ere a road or path7ay your past timelineM6 !ove 4ac5 until you reach a point 4efore any of these thoughts and opinions 7ere first inflicted on you6 Drop do7n to a point 4efore the event and then move up along your past timeline to7ards the present, pausing along the 7ay 7herever this ne7 resource for approach to sorting 7ill 4e useful to you6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
Deciding to o7n your 4ehavior at any level 4rings ne7 responsi4ilities and greater challenges and sometimes, increased resistanceM6 But, the re7ards are great6 $pend as much time as you need on this e;ercise, 7or5ing your 7ay through the list of people and situations 7here an emotional distance 7ould 4e 4eneficial to you6 By actively deciding 7hich statements and opinions you o7n, 7hich you find useful from other sources, and 7hich you can safely reect, you@ll 4e 4uilding a sense of trust and o7nership regarding your o7n opinions, decisions and actions, and, as a conse:uence, your confidence and 7ell-4eing6 (fter you\ve follo7ed the a4ove instructions, chec5 your status again6 %n a scale of
0EETIN+ NEED #: DE5ELOIN+ AN OTI0ISTIC OUTLOO-
$ome people are genetically predisposed to7ards optimism, and this ma5es it easier for them to see the sunny side of life6 %ther people are genetically predisposed to cancer, or athletics or art, 4ut that doesn@t mean they@ll automatically get the disease or sign an NB( contract6 Predisposition is simply an edge, not a sentence6 herefore, 7e remain convinced that ho7 people thin5 and 7hat they do is the real deciding factor6 %ptimism, a maor aspect of the art of Being "appy, is a learna4le s5ill6
(n optimist 7a5es up in the morning, and, instead of having a list of things to feel 4ad a4out if they don@t get done, has an even longer list of things he or she is going to enoy doing6
OTI0IST 5S ESSI0IST
Consider this scenario6 )ou@re sitting home 7aiting for the plum4er to arrive6 Li5e most in-home appointments, he gave you a four-hour 7indo76 )ou have no idea if he@ll arrive at the 4eginning, the end, or, even later than that6 'f he arrives to7ard the 4eginning of the 7indo7, you@ll feel great6 he rest of the day is yours6 "o7ever, if he arrives to7ard the end, you could 4e sitting at home 7aiting, pluc5ing your hair out 4y the roots, cursing him for not getting there sooner6 his is the scenario a pessimist 7ould choose6 (n optimist 7ould see the time as an opportunity to do something good read a 4oo5, 7atch a great D+D, call some friends and catch up6 hose four hours are full of e;citing possi4ilities6 %ptimist or pessimist, the choice is yours6 #ither you spend your time in stress, 7orrying a4out 7hether the plum4er 7ill ever come, or you spend your time ma5ing yourself smarter and happier, confident that he wi come6 $ooner or later, it really does not matter6 )ou 7ill put the time to good use either 7ay6 ( classic story sums this 7hole idea up neatly6 ( man had t7in sons6 %ne he feared 7as far too optimistic, the other too pessimistic6 %ne Christmas he thought of a plan to even things out6 *hile the 4oys 7ere sleeping, he crept into their rooms 7ith a collection of carefully thought-out gifts6 "e filled the pessimist@s room 7ith the most 4eautiful and e;pensive toys he could find the optimist@s room he filled 7ith horse manure6 he follo7ing day it, he 7ent to the pessimist@s room 7ith a sense of e;citement, only to find that the 4oy po5ing his toys dispiritedly, complaining that he 5ne7 they\d 4rea5 or 7ould run out of 4atteries, so it 7asn\t really 7orth even playing 7ith them6 $ome7hat disappointed, the father 7ent to the optimist@s room, confident that at least he@d find this 4oy@s over7helming positivity cur4ed 4y the huge pile of steaming horse manure around his 4ed6 'nstead, he found the 4oy, 5nee deep in muc5, 7histling happily and shoveling a7ay6 "e loo5ed up, sa7 his dum4struc5 father standing at the door, and said happily, Z"ey Dad, ' figure 7ith all this crap around, there must 4e a pony6I KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
he application of the principles and techni:ues arising out of NLP has made many deep inroads into people@s consciousness?the most important of 7hich is to give people hope6 !odern psychotherapy thrives on la4eling clients6 People are defined as clinically depressed, schi
he truth is, the more you learn to ma5e the daily processes of life fun, the 4etter life 7ill 7or5 for you6 %ptimists ma5e a point of finding something to enoy in almost every situation they find themselves in6 'nitially this may 4e a choice6 "o7ever, 7ith practice it 4ecomes a ha4it6 !ost highly successful people are almost compulsive a4out 7hat they do, not 4ecause they are moving a7ay from some 5ind of unpleasant situation, 4ut 4ecause they enoy 7hat they are doing6 %ne client, one of the youngest multimillionaires in the 7orld, is a4out as compulsive as compulsives get6 "e leaves for 7or5 at four in the morning6 (t night he is the last person to leave6 "e loves every moment of 7hat he does6 "is challenge, the :uestion that plagues him is, Z"o7 can ' get my employees to 4e as motivated as ' amAZ Li5e many 7ealthy people, he thin5s that offering his employees more money is the 7ay to do it6 'ronically, money is not 7hat motivates him6 "e goes to 7or5 each day 4ecause he enoys 7hat he does6 "e enoys 7hat he does 4ecause he e&pe!ts to enoy it6 (t the end of the day 7hen he reflects, he remem4ers all the great things that happened6 "e overloo5s, or at least minimi
E.ERCISE "": DE5ELOIN+ A SENSE OF OTI0IS0
36 a5e a moment to thin5 4ac5 to a time 7hen you 7ere really loo5ing for7ard to something6 )ou may have to go all the 7ay 4ac5 to childhood, to those times li5e Christmas #ve, or the morning of your 4irthday6 his should 4e a time 7hen you 7ere completely, unreservedly happy in your anticipation6
16 (mplify the attractive :ualities of the e;perience6 Close your eyes6 No7 visuali
6 Bathe in that good feeling for a 7hile?and lift your head and smile6 he physical act of pulling up the corners of the mouth directly and positively affects your mood6 33M !a5e the feeling that accompanies the smile even stronger 4y focusing on it6 No7 spin that feeling throughout your 4ody6 eel yourself, :uite literally, lightening up6
26 No7, mentally run through an average day, from 7a5ing up in the morning to drifting off to sleep at night 7hile holding on to this feeling6 (s you@re recalling an average day, carry through this e;perience of oyful anticipation each step of the 7ay6 Do this several times, amplifying your responses each time, remem4ering that the future is only as 4right as the pictures in your mind6
E6 hroughout the day, test your optimism response6 est your response 4y going 4ac5 to see if you can feel any 5ind of lac5 of enthusiasm for the rest of today, and all the days and nights to come?and, notice ho7 difficult this is6 't is a lot less easy, simply 4ecause you have disconnected the neural path7ay that made feeling unenthusiastic possi4le6
F6 or the ne;t seven days, run this protocol three times a day and, 7hen you reach Step Fo2r, pop in an upcoming tas5?anything from 7ashing the dishes to doing your ta;es6 rue, if you 7or5 at it, you could get 4ac5 to the pain and 4oredom, 4ut you 7ill discover it no longer comes naturally, even though you are thin5ing the same thoughts6 his is ho7 you develop freedom of choice6 (t the end of the 7ee5, mar5 your level of optimism on the scale of @A;A
0EETIN+ NEED $: REDICTABILIT/ AND ANTICIATION
he a4ility to predict certain events 7ith reasona4le accuracy has served our species as a survival tool6 )et li5e all tools, predicta4ility can 4e ineffective in the 7rong hands or used 7ithout correct techni:ues6 Centuries ago if a hunter made a successful 5ill in a certain part of the savannah, he@d 4e ustified in predicting that the same thing could occur the ne;t day in the same location6 his a4ility to anticipate the outcome of his 4ehavior and that of his fello7 tri4esmen undou4tedly improved his and his community@s chances of survival6 #:ually, if he 7as attac5ed 4y a predator, he needed to 4e a4le to learn from the e;perience, to anticipate the possi4ility of it occurring again so he could avoid losing his life the ne;t time he 7ent out to hunt6 'f his fear over7helmed him, causing him to 4e so paranoid that he never hunted again, he@d have starved to death6 #arly humans had to develop strategies that allo7ed them to udge 7ith a fair degree of accuracy 7hat 7as li5ely to happen ne;t6 (s Roc5efeller >niversity physiologist ay *eiss elegantly demonstrated, even rats cope 4etter 7ith electric shoc5s if they hear a 7arning 4u<
*hether anticipation reduces the impact of the stressful event 7hile it actually happens has yet to 4e esta4lished6 *hat is clear from several studies is that a person@s or rat@sM a4ility to rela; 4et7een stressful events is heightened 7hen either can predict a threatening or painful event6 his is a :uestion of 4alance6 People 7ho predict disaster at every turn seldom rela; and :uite often drive themselves to an early grave6 (s 7ith our rose-colored glasses a4ove, 7e 7ant people to temper their optimism 7ith realism6 emperance ensures survival, health and 7ell4eing6 Granted, people can@t predict everything that@s li5ely to happen, although this doesn@t stop many from trying6 Consider the possi4ilities, though, if 7hat !oud 4e predicted reasona4ly accurately helped people cope 4etter and move 4eyond even very demanding challenges6 'f the rats in *eiss@s e;periments could spea5, they might tell us that 4y learning to anticipate an electric shoc5, they could fortify themselves against the discomfort simply through the 5no7ledge that they 5ne7 they 7ould survive6 "umans have an even greater advantage6 *e can anticipate consciously, and there4y change our response6 #very 4usiness e;ecutive and successful entrepreneur 5no7s, for every important plan or proect, alternative strategies must 4e planned in the event things do not go as anticipated6 Planning in the event of failure is not the same as planning for failure6 Both your primary and your 4ac5up plans should have coping and achieving something on, or near, target as their endpoint6 'n e;treme cases, that endpoint may 4e, or include, survival6 *e regard that as a result6 he follo7ing e;ercise is designed to improve your a4ility to anticipate and respond appropriately to life@s inevita4le curve-4alls6
E.ERCISE "#: ANTICIATIN+ CHALLEN+ES6 ACHIE5IN+ SUCCESS
36 hin5 a4out the various challenges you@ve faced in your life to date6
"ere is a truth )ou survived them all, even though your coping strategies at the time might not have 4een as elegant or as effective as you@d prefer6 he fact is you survived6 *e 5no7 that 4ecause you are reading this6 'n the process of doing 7hatever you did to get through your crises, you anticipated, or at the very least hoped for survival6 Guess 7hatA 't 7or5ed6
16 Close your eyes and select one incident from your past that 7as frightening 4ut you made it through6 $elect one incident in the past 7hen you 5ne7 you@d survived a difficult challenge6 $tep into the moment 7hen you reali
6 *ith your eyes still closed, allo7 the feelings to rise up in you6 Loop this feeling over and over, li5e replaying your favorite song, spinning the sensations faster6 (s the feelings spin faster and faster, allo7 them to e;pand out7ards until they permeate your entire 4ody6 eel these sensations surrounding every organ, system and cell, until they e;tend a fe7 inches outside your 4ody, enclosing you completely in a transparent shell of shimmering energy6 9no7 that only neutral and positive thoughts and actions can penetrate this shell in either direction6 (ny other energy, especially potentially damaging events, 7ill 4e 4loc5ed, or transformed on contact6
26 Picture the past timeline you used in a previous e;ercise6 loat up and 4ac5 a4ove your past timeline, 4ringing the spinning feelings 7ith you6 Drop do7n in the moment immediately follo7ing your 4irth, and then move rapidly up through all your past e;periences to the present day as if you 7ere actually reliving them all no7, completely protected inside your energy shell6 (llo7 these ne7 resources to transform the 7ay you@ve 4een relating to your past e;periences6 rust your unconscious to 5no7 7hat to change and ho76 $imply hold on to the positive, spinning feelings as you roc5et into the present6 #very so often, one of the challenges from your past fires at you at supersonic speed6 "ear the sound and feel the impact as it hits your energy shell6 't can@t hurt you anymore6 $ee a flash of colored light, and give it a distinctive ne7 sound, Spat7 Choose a sound that 7or5s for youM6 %ne
4y one, the challenges from the past hit your protective energy shell, e;plode and are transformed into a ne7 and positive source of po7er for you6 eel a olt of po7er each time the missile hits6 Literally, 7hat didn@t 5ill you has made you stronger6
E6 *hen you reach the present on your life timeline, settle in and enoy the feeling of 4u<
F6 Repeat steps five and si; several times6 he purpose of this is to familiari
0EETIN+ NEED %: DISSIATIN+ ENTRO/ Restoring 9a7ance@
*estern medicine has made great inroads in fighting infectious diseases and dealing 7ith acute disorders6 "o7ever, little attention is paid to encouraging people to spend more time engaging in self-enriching activities li5e painting, dancing, 7riting, all the 7onderful activities through 7hich the human spirit restores peace and 4alance to itself6 !ost Ne7 (ge therapies and some of the ancient onesM teach that the more energy you have, the 4etter you 7ill 4e6 %f course, this is not true6 Regardless of 7hether you enoy something or not, all input translates in your mind as stress6 *ithout the mechanisms for re4alancing that is, dissipating entropyM, you 7ould e;plode 7ith a heart attac5 or an aneurysm 7ithin minutes6 'nstinctively 7e 5no7 that allo7ing energy to 4uild up unchec5ed is dangerous6 People tal5 a4out letting off steam@, and they have hundreds of 7ays of doing this 7ith varying degrees of success6 hey 4o7l, og, hunt, doodle, fidget, paint pictures, scream, and even 7or5 out6 (s human 4eings, 7e do any num4er of things to distract our minds and 4urn off e;cess energy6 #ach of these forms of dissipation is useful, 4ut tends to 4e random, and less 4eneficial than it could 4e6 he simple truth is, the more systematically and regularly you direct e;cess energy into creative and regenerative endeavors, the more :uic5ly and effectively you 7ill restore 4alance to your life6 (n interesting correlation 7e have noticed over the years is that the greater the num4er of e;pressive outlets a person has, the greater the methods they have availa4le to communicate 7ith their unconscious minds6 he more they communicate 7ith their unconscious minds, the more they e;perience that transcendent feeling of getting in flo7@, 4eing in the groove@, or, more simply, happily losing@ themselves in 7hatever they are doing6 *e have all e;perienced this6 *e start 7or5ing on something and 7e 4ecome so engrossed that the ne;t thing 7e reali
over 4alancing the energy and entropy in your life6 *ith greater control, the more creative you 4ecome, and the more choices you discover6 Being "appy, li5e 4eing healthy, is an ongoing, dynamic and interactive process6 he more you ta5e control of the process, the greater the 4enefits you e;perience6 (t least part of your life usually the part 7here you go to 7or5 and earn a livingM involves massive engagement6 #ven if, li5e the young multimillionaire previously mentioned you enoy every moment, it still impacts your 4rain as stress6 $ince evolution has provided you 7ith only t7o functional categories, that of gro7th and that of protection, it is vitally important that you protect yourself throughout your life6 'n other 7ords, you need to effectively dissipate entropy6 33EM Cells that are not gro7ing are dying6 !uscles that are not 4eing used are atrophying6 'f you do not succeed in dissipating the 7aste products of energy consumption, you ris5 shifting your entire system into a state of increasing chaos6 his often manifests in t7o classes of symptomatic 4ehavior anger mar5ed 4y irrita4ility and e;plosive out4urstsM and 7ithdra7al usually characteri
program that includes regular physical e;ercise6 'f you are not sure 7here to start or have little free time, try e;perimenting 7ith Professor immons@ short sprint approach previously descri4ed and com4ine it 7ith one of the self-regulating techni:ues in (ppendi; C6 (fter three 7ee5s, score yourself6 "o7 calm and 4alanced do you feel in all aspects of your lifeA Ran5 yourself on a scale of
REFERENCES AND FOOTNOTES FOR CHATER TEN
3316 77764uffalo6edJne7sJ/21E 336 9lein5e, C6L6, Peterson, 6R6, & Rutledge, 6R6 3/M6 #ffects of self-generated facial e;pressions on mood6 ournal of Personality and $ocial Psychology, .2, 1.1-1. 6 3326 *eiss , Psychological factors in stress and disease, $cientific (merican 11F une 3.1M 302 33E6 Lipton B" 100/M6 he Biology of Belief, revised ed6 Carls4ad C( "ay "ouse
33F6 7776psychologytoday6comJarticlesJ10003Jmove-4oost-mood 33.6 immons ( et al 100M6 #;tremely short duration high intensity interval training su4stantially improves insulin action in young healthy males6 B!C #ndocrine Disorders 100, 33/6 Gold $6 ( "igher Road to Rela;ation6 Psychology oday ulyJ(ugust 100.M E.-E/ KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
CHATER ELE5EN: FINDIN+ /OUR 0EANIN+ AND 0ISSION
'n this chapter O "o7 to 5eep your life on trac5 O )our motivational hot-4uttons O *hy affirmations don@t 7or5 O Rapid-response mission control6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
Businesses create mission statements to inspire the confidence of customers and to rally employees around the company flag6 (dmittedly, many of these statements are created 4y highminded e;ecutives or corporate consultants, engraved on to a 4rass plate, and left in the foyer of the company@s head:uarters, never to 4e referred to again6 (ll too often the sentiments, ho7ever admira4le, have little or no resonance in the hearts and minds of employers or employees6 he reasonA 'nsufficient attention is paid to the true values upon 7hich the company 7as originally founded6 he phrases seem soulless6 hey are not rooted in 7hat is really important to the people involved or to the products or services they provide6 +alues represent the unconscious drivers of our thoughts, feelings and 4ehaviors6 hey are 7hat 7e 4elieve at the deepest level is important a4out any area of our life6 +alues are the hot 4uttons@ that motivate or dissuade us throughout our lives6 Companies in touch 7ith their real values, those that inspire individuals and groups of li5e-minded people, inevita4ly create value for their customers and their employees6 People sense the difference 4et7een high-minded rhetoric and a genuine, passionately held commitment6 he companies 7hose values are genuine and resonant 4ecome and remain household names6 hey maintain the trust and confidence of their customers and staff, in even the stormiest economic and political 7eather6
( successful mission statement acts as an organi
THE BUSINESS OF /OU UNLI0ITED
*hat do meaning and mission statements have to do 7ith people adept in the art of Being "appyA he ans7er is = e(eryt"ing7 (s 7e said in the previous chapter, developing optimism is a 5ey part of our Being "appy program6 *hen 7e spea5 of optimism, 7e mean more than loo5ing at the glass as half-full6 *e 7ant people to loo5 for glasses that are 4rimming over 7ith opportunity6 *e 7ant people to loo5 past the limits of a finite container6 *e 7ant you to thin5 more e;pansively than you have ever thought 4efore6 %f course, none of this 7ill 7or5 unless it aligns 7ith your deepest needs and purposes6 'dentifying and implementing these needs and purposes re:uires targeted specificity6 !any people 4elieve repeating affirmations, such as, H)ou are already healthy, 7ealthy and living 7ith the person of your dreamsI, 7ill accomplish this6 his rarely 7or5s largely due to the fact these thoughts often do not represent the person@s true values6 +alues generally are held unconsciously and, therefore, you may not notice a conflict at first6 *hat you 7ill notice is that you spend a lot of time and effort on 7idening the gap 4et7een 7hat you 7ant and 7hat you get6 $imply repeating something that is not true no7 is unli5ely to ma5e it true later6 he e;ceptions to this are 36 'f the statement is driven 4y your deepest values 16 )ou do something to achieve it that is different from 7hat you have 4een doing so far6
TO BE SUCCESSFUL6 STUD/ THE SUCCESSFUL
he people 7ho have impressed us 4y their attitudes and actions all displayed a deeply held purpose or mission6 !eaning and mission, 7e strongly 4elieve, e;plain 4oth the 7hy@ and the ho7@ of their success6 he challenge to those of us applying the principles of NLP is in figuring out ho7 these high achievers do it and translating their actions into a process anyone can duplicate to create similar results6 $uccessful people often do not consciously understand or even 5no7 that they are ma5ing their 7ay through life 7ith mission and purpose6 'n many cases it is intuitive6 !any have 4een surprised and delighted 7hen they applied the process outlined 4elo7 to discover ho7 close the match 7as 4et7een 7hat they did, ho7 they did it and the feeling that they someho7 ust 5ne7 7hen something 7as right6 his is one of the pillars of 7hat cheerful, optimistic and successful people call intuition or gut feeling@6 Consciously or unconsciously they ta5e readings from an inner compass that helps them navigate the 7hite 7ater of even the most challenging situations6
he rest of this chapter outlines a simple and effective 7ay to uncover your deepest values, and to create a personal mission statement that 7ill help carry you through good times and 4ad6 %nce you have successfully completed this e;ercise, you 7ill have a valua4le tool that allo7s you to thin5 more clearly, lo7er stress levels and to decide 4et7een t7o apparently competing courses of action6 )ou 7ill develop fle;i4ility and an enthusiasm for living life up@6 %f course, there 7ill 4e side-effects, including increased personal magnetism, apparently ine;plica4le coincidences that support your plans, and improved health6
E.ERCISE "$: CREATIN+ /OUR ERSONAL 0ISSION STATE0ENT
#ffective mission statements have three :ualities in common passion, purpose and direction6 )our mission statement should also respect and support your values regarding your relationships 7ith other people, yourself, and the 7orld6 >sing a process 7e call chun5ing@ 4rea5ing information into progressively smaller 4itsM, the follo7ing e;ercise 7ill help you uncover your uni:ue spin on these :ualities6 a5e your time6 Prepare to surprise yourself6
(ns7er these three :uestions
36 *hat is important to me a4out my relationships 7ith other peopleA
*rite do7n your ans7er, as5ing yourself H*hat@s important a4out thatAI H*hat does that give me that is even 4igger than simply connecting 7ith othersAI 9eep repeating the :uestions until you can go no further6 )ou 7ill 5no7 you have e;hausted your introspection 7hen you feel there is nothing 4eyond this core value6 )our ans7er 7ill ta5e the form of a nominali
16 *hat is important to me a4out my relationship 7ith myselfA Repeat the process a4ove until you arrive at the core valuesM relating to yourself6
6 *hat is important to me a4out my relationship 7ith my 7orldA his is an opportunity to e;plore your deepest feelings a4out your ties to the greater human community on this planet and the specific environment in 7hich you live6
26 %nce you complete the identification process a4ove, the ne;t step is the creative part of the e;ercise6 %n a separate piece of paper 7rite the follo7ing 7ords H!y mission in life is to =I Complete this sentence using each of the three 5ey :ualities you listed in steps 3, 1 and 6 'f your three :ualities had 4een, say, love@ peace@ and regeneration@, your first draft might read
H!y mission is to see5 loving and peaceful 7ays to help myself and others regenerate our relationships 7ith each other and 7ith our 7orld6I Do not 7orry if your first draft seems clumsy or cheesy6 No4ody else needs to see it and you are not 4eing graded6 )ou are entirely free of udgment6 *hat is important is that you 7rite from the heart6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
REFININ+ /OUR ERSONAL 0ISSION STATE0ENT
rom no7 on, you 7ill 4e refining the sentence in successive drafts until you create the sentence 7hich resonates 4est 7ith you6 't 7ill 4e the statement that someho7 ust feels right6 )ou 7ill intuitively 5no7 this6 he follo7ing tips 7ill help you to perfect your mission statement >sing 7hatever time you have on this planet is important if you 7ish to live a purposeful and fulfilling life6 ry to incorporate the concept of time into the ne;t draft, if it@s not already there6 or e;ample H!y mission in life is to use my time, 7ith complete focus, to see5 out opportunities to help myself and others find loving and peaceful 7ays to regenerate our relationships 7ith each other and 7ith our 7orld6I
Convert as many nominali
HO4 TO USE /OUR ERSONAL 0ISSION STATE0ENT
Commit to revie7ing your mission statement at least once a day6 o ma5e this easy, 7rite it on an inde; card that fits easily into your 7allet or poc5et4oo56 %r tape it to your shaving or ma5e-up mirror so it is one of the first things you see each morning6 )ou can also 7rite or print a larger version to tape up on your computer screen, or the 7all of your 4edroom or office6 )ou might enoy creating a special version for this purpose, decorating it 7ith colors, s5etches, photographs, or pictures cut out from maga
0A-IN+ CHOICES AND DECISIONS
%nce you have created a mission statement that incorporates your deepest feelings a4out the most effective and enoya4le use of your time and your commitment to living meaningful a life of passion and purpose, use it to help you ma5e decisions that other7ise might confuse you6 $imply revie7 each alternative in turn and as5 yourself 7hich option fits the terms and conditions of your mission statement most closely6 'n nearly every instance, the 4est decision for you at that time of your life 7ill re-activate the same internal response you encountered 7hen you arrived at the final version of your mission statement6
ONL/ ONE 0ISSION
%ften 7e are as5ed if personal mission statements are changea4le6 $ome people feel uncomforta4le creating such a po7erful statement they fear it 7ill narro7 their choices rather than increase their opportunities6 %ur ans7erA %f course it is changea4le 'n fact it must 4e dynamic6 Life thro7s curves 7e learn, and as 7e learn sometimes 7e change our positions and our ideas6 )our personal mission
statement is a creation of your infinitely po7erful 4rain6 he 4rain is the only organ 7e 5no7 of that has the capacity to evolve itself6 #ach time you have a ne7 thought, are e;posed to a ne7 idea or ta5e on a ne7 4ehavior, your 4rain creates ne7 neural connections6 'n Being "appy, e;pect to develop and gro76 (s this happens, your mission 7ill also develop and gro76 *e recommend you revie7 your personal mission statement once a year6 eel free to re7rite it 7henever necessary6 *elcome ne7 thoughts and feelings6 Consider the many 7ays of e;periencing yourself and the 7orld around you that 7ill naturally arise6 $ee if any of these add to your mission or change it6 hen congratulate yourself6 "aving a mission and purpose in life, it is called 4eing alive6 eel free to create lesser mission statements to help you handle specific tas5s in time-effective and re7arding 7ays6 !ission statements help you stay in charge and succeed6 he follo7ing e;ercise 7ill sho7 you ho76 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
E.ERCISE "%: CREATIN+ RAID RESONSE 0ISSION STATE0ENTS
Consider a tas5 at hand, something you are 7or5ing on at home or at 7or56 his could 4e a relationship, a proect, a ne7 4usiness, home improvements or helping your child6 $imply pic5 a tas56 (s5 yourself H'f ' could achieve the 4est possi4le outcome here, 7hat 7ould that 4eAI
36 Descri4e the ultimate outcome as richly as possi4le, giving full attention to all your senses6 'magine you are e;periencing and enoying this outcome right no7 and 7rite do7n 7hat you see, hear and feel6 (s5 yourself, H*hat@s most important to me a4out achieving this outcomeAI
9eep chun5ing, each time as5ing the :uestion, H*hat@s important to me a4out 7hatever the ans7er 7as to the :uestion that preceded itMAI
16 Revie7 your ans7ers to the :uestions and re-arrange them in order of importance6
6 >nderline the 5ey nominalise these as a 4asis for your first draft6
26 Re7rite your statement several times and fine-tune it for clarity6 !a5e sure you restore process or action to any nominalisually this can 4e accomplished 4y adding the suffi; ing@ to the end of each 7ord6 or e;ample the 7ord relationship 4ecomes relating love 4ecomes loving etc666 !a5e sure your statement is in the present tense and that it includes the concept of time6
E6 Chec5 the statement against the srcinal tas5 or proect to ma5e sure it dovetails neatly6
F6 !a5e regular chec5s along the 7ay to ensure your actions stay aligned 7ith your important values6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
AUTO0ATIN+ /OUR ERSONAL 0ISSION STATE0ENT
$ince the 4rain sometimes has difficulty in distinguishing 4et7een useful and not-so-useful 4ehaviors, you need to prime it to ensure you 5eep moving in the right direction6 Read your mission statementsM regularly6 $tep into your visualise all your senses to create a virtual-reality representation of living every moment em4edded in its principles6 Repeat this step last thing at night and first thing in the morning6
(s you go for7ard through life, measure your progress6 Do this 4y noticing 7hat is different and 4etter, rather than 4y 7hat still has not 4een resolved or remains a pro4lem6 *ith regular revie7, you increase your automatic tendency to7ards the right action or response6 )ou learn to trust your instincts6 he more useful and appropriate your feelings, 4ehaviors and responses are, the less time or inclination you have for feeling do7n, over7helmed or perple;ed 4y any situation you encounter6 his is the ultimate goal you in control6 *hen you are in control, Being "appy is one of life@s re7ards6 %f course 7e 7ant to ma5e this process as simple as possi4le, something that eventually you 7ill do instinctively 7ithout needing consciously to follo7 specific steps6 he secret to this is repetition6 Do it often and soon it 7ill 4ecome automatic, rather li5e the 7ay you learned to ride a 4i5e, read or 7al56 Before long, you 7ill simply 5no7 7hat to do and you 7ill ust do it6 Getting to that point re:uires em4edding it into your life6 he follo7ing e;ercise ma5es that possi4le as :uic5ly as possi4le6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
E.ERCISE "&: E0BEDDIN+ /OUR 0ISSION STATE0ENT IN /OUR LIFE
36 (s intensely as possi4le, thin5 a4out someone or something for 7hich you are deeply grateful6 !a5e the feeling of gratitude as unconditional as possi4le6 Recalling your love for a small child or a pet 7or5s for many people6 (s you thin5 a4out this particular feeling, locate 7here this feelingJemotion resides in your 4ody6 %ften it is in the chest, around the area of the heart6 $ome people e;perience deep gratitude as a 7arm, flo7ing sensation6 Not al7ays of course6 *herever you feel that emotion of gratitude and love, and e;actly ho7 you feel it is right for you6
16 Return to your personal mission statement and imagine 7hat your life 7ill 4e li5e 7hen you are living and 7or5ing fully in accordance 7ith the principles and passion of that mission6 'f a clear representation of this future reality fails to come easily, simply pretend you 5no7 7hat it 7ill 4e li5e and imagine it any7ay6
6 a5e that mission and everything it entails and dra7 it into the center of 7here you feel that deep, unconditional acceptance6
26 'dentify five different future events involving all maor areas of your life 7or5, play, love, health, spirituality6 Run each scenario e;actly the 7ay you 7ould li5e it to play out, proecting into it all the emotions, imagery and self-tal5 that ideally 7ould 4e involved6 Pull each of those scenarios into the location in your 4ody 7here you felt unconditional acceptance6
E6 No7 turn in7ard, spea5ing directly to your inner or unconscious mind6 'nvite those five events to act as templates for other areas in your life, so that each of the five can represent five other events, even those you might not have thought of consciously yet6 (s5 your unconscious to ma5e all necessary internal arrangements so that each of those, in turn, 7ill represent five more situations, and so on, until your entire future is filled 7ith these :ualities6 %nce you have done this, you can 4egin to see ama
F6 Commit to loo5ing for and noticing 7hatever is different and 4etter in your e;perience from this point on6 $imply continue 7ith your life as normal, 7ith one important change6 Rather than logging mista5es and failures, notice the changes for the 4etter as they 4egin automatically unfolding6 B(C9 % %P
B#%R# )%> !%+# %N % "# N#X C"(P#R, ma5e sure you@ve developed and em4edded your personal mission statement6 rom this point on, it 7ill act as an organi
CHATER T4EL5E: NO4 AND JEN Learning to Li;e in Ti3e
'n this chapter O ime as a personal construct O he timeline as a diagnostic tool O Navigating your 7ay through time O Pro4lem-solving 7ith a temporal shift6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
Before you read any further in this chapter, ta5e a moment to do the follo7ing little e;periment
E.ERCISE "': 5ISUALIJIN+ /OUR TI0ELINE
3M +isuali
Don@t 7orry a4out putting in any e;periences or incidents6 $imply imagine a path7ay as if it 7ere a physical route, 4eginning at your 4irth and e;tending to the present6
1M Point to 7here this road seems to 4egin6
his is the start of your past timeline6 Notice its angle as it approaches your present, to 7here you are no76
M Ne;t, thin5 of the future as if it 7ere a road or a path7ay6 Notice the direction it appears to follo76 his is your future timeline6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
HO4 DIFFERENT CULTURES ICTURE TI0E
*hen a *esterner is as5ed to visuali
THE INFLUENCES OF TI0E ON /OUR E.ERIENCE
rom its earliest days, Neuro-Linguistic Programming recogni
possi4ly negative outcome, 7hereas feeling depressed is almost inevita4ly associated 7ith a focus on the past6 Passion, oy, peace, 4liss, all the en-li5e pea5 flo7 e;periences manifest e;clusively in the present tense6 he sense of an infinite present@ is characteristic of many e;periences in deep meditation6 Despite having e;traordinarily accurate 4iological cloc5s, humans have developed a multitude of 7ays in 7hich they e;perience linear time6 #ven if you play tennis at an average level of competence, you@ve already e;perienced your a4ility to coordinate do
TI0E SHIFTIN+
%ne client, 7ho complained of stress at his highly placed government 7or5place, arrived at his first session spea5ing in a lo7, slo7, dra7n-out tone of voice6 *hen he moved his 4ody or made a gesture, it seemed as if he 7as struggling through 7arm molasses6 "e spo5e a4out not having any friends, 4eing una4le to Hfit inI6 Conventional medicine descri4ed him as having a Hdepressed affectI6 *hen as5ed if he 7as a7are of ho7 slo7ly and deli4erately and ho7 4oringlyM he spo5e, he shrugged6 H't@s not me,I he said6 Hhe 7orld ust moves too fast6I *e as5ed him to close his eyes and listen to an electronic metronome set at different speeds until he found one he felt matched the si;ty 4eats a second of e;ternal cloc5 time6 Needless to say, his estimate 7as far from accurate6 $ince he 7as already drifting into an altered state, he 7as
allo7ed to sit for some time, listening to the metronome accompanied 4y a num4er of suggestions a4out resetting his internal time-5eeping mechanisms6 During this time, 7e gradually adusted the metronome until it 7as set at F0 4eats per minute6 *hen the client opened his eyes, the rate and pitch of his voice 7ere normal and his movements natural and easy6 "e reported that the 7orld seemed to have slo7ed do7n to a managea4le speed and he felt rela;ed and confident Teven though he had no su4ective a7areness that his speech and mannerisms had changed dramatically6` he a4ove is an illustration of a simple NLP techni:ue6 Notice no drugs, long-term counseling or intensive group therapy sessions 7ere needed6
THROU+H TI0E AND IN TI0E
Despite scientific interest in time and its impact on our su4ective e;perience, NLP remains the only methodology offering practical techni:ues to manipulate its effects6 he early developers of NLP made t7o 4road distinctions in the 7ay people code time6 hey accomplished this 4y as5ing a series of :uestions a4out ho7 each su4ect remem4ered certain repetitive tas5s6 rom this information, they mapped the direction from past to future and then determined 7hether the timeline appeared to 4e outside the su4ect or to pass through his or her 4ody6 he first pattern, in 7hich your timeline seems to e;tend from one side of your 4ody to the other, often in front of you, is called T"roug" Time6 *here the timeline passes through your 4ody from 4ac5 to front, the pattern is 5no7n as In Time6 housands of su4ects from all 7al5s of life have demonstrated that even 7ithin these t7o constraints, a massive num4er of variations are possi4le6 Go 4ac5 to the e;ercise you did at the 4eginning of this chapter and revie7 the directions in 7hich your past and future timelines run6 Cultural differences not7ithstanding, your o7n time-metaphor may reflect your present state of mind and your current state of physical and emotional health6 T"roug" Time people sometimes report feeling detached from the flo7 of life, 7hile those 7ith In Time coding sometimes suffer from partial amnesia, particularly if their past is organi
4ehind their heads, almost as if it is hidden from vie76 "eroin addicts 7ho relapse often report a past situated 4ehind the head, almost as if it is hidden from vie76 his coding suggests an ina4ility to see the past and therefore to learn from past e;perience6
!any people struggling 7ith chronic pro4lems and 7ho are not (ymaraM, as 7ell as those 7ho complain they do not or cannot learn from mista5es, organi
(nother variation occurs 7here past and future are organi
E.ERCISE "(: THE TI0ELINE AS A DIA+NOSTIC TOOL
36 #;amine the organi
16 (s5 yourself the follo7ing :uestion
H'f my timeline 7ere real rather than visuali
6 Notice 7hether your timeline functions as a metaphor to 5eep you stuc5 in your pro4lem state6 *hen visualise the follo7ing :uestions to analy
O (re you short of time or running out of time in relation to your life goals, hopes and dreamsA O "o7 is your life in relation to your use of timeA (re you losing, saving, 7asting or spending timeA
26 "o7 do you 5no7 this is the caseA Notice ho7 your o7n personal timeline construct ma5es this a reality for you6 $ince timelines are personal constructs, it follo7s that you can organi
TI0ELINES AND TRAU0ATIC E.ERIENCES
$ince o4sessive thin5ing, over7helming memories, a trou4led childhood may, in fact, 4e playing and replaying li5e a su4liminal movie inside your unconscious visual field, it ma5es sense to move the past timeline 4ehind youTat an angle, rather than directly 4ehind your head, so that it is outside of even your peripheral vision, 4ut is still positioned so that you can loo5 4ac5 at your past, for all the memories, lessons and e;periences that comprise your life so far6 he follo7ing e;ercise places pro4lems and negative e;periences 7here they no longer influence you unconsciously and opens up your future, your personal domain of infinite possi4ilities6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
E.ERCISE "): CREATIN+ A ROBLE0 SOL5IN+ATTERN
36 'f your timeline seems to pass outside your 4ody, imagine dra7ing it to7ards you until you are fully inside your timeline6 "ear it clic5 into place once you@re standing inside it6
16 Gra4 your past timeline at the very 4eginning and s7ing it around6
People 7ho recover :uic5ly from set4ac5s and 7ho follo7 all the principles of Being "appy often advise friends 7ho are dealing 7ith pro4lems to Zust put it 4ehind you and move onZ6 his lets us 5no7 that they intuitively put their past e;periences 4ehind them, signaling to their unconscious mind that the pro4lem is over and done 7ith6 $o, s7ing your past timeline around, either to the right or the left, until it is positioned at an angle mid7ay 4et7een the 4ac5 of your head at the edge of one shoulder6 Rest assured, everything you have learned, all your memories and all your e;periences, remain in the correct order6 $imply, the entire collection of e;periences that ma5e up your past has moved out of your immediate attention, and 4ac5 into the past 7here they 4elong6
6 Loc5 or tie your past timeline into its ne7 position 4y 7hatever means seems appropriate6 his is so your unconscious 5no7s that your timeline does not need to 7ander 4ac5 to its srcinal position out of sheer ha4it6
26 urn your attention to your future path7ay if necessary s7ing that path around until it opens up directly in front of you6 $tretch, e;tend or 4uild upon it until it disappears over the hori
his communicates to your unconscious in a language it understands that you have a long life ahead of you6
E6 No7 7iden your future timeline so you have plenty of room for everything that the future has to hold6 %nce you have done this, your unconscious 7ill 4egin to understand that you have the potential for more options, opportunities, choices and adventures6
F6 No7 turn on the lights6 People 7ho naturally put the past 4ehind them often also tal5 a4out having a H4right futureI6 *hen prompted, it emerges that this is precisely ho7 they code in the futureTas if it is light and 4right and hugely appealing6 +isuali
.6 est this pattern to see 7hether it suits all aspects of your personality6 Do this 4y going inside and literally as5ing of your inner self 7hether it is agreea4le to proceeding 7ith this construct in place6 'f it feels right, carry on to the ne;t stage6 'f there seems to 4e any hesitation or o4ection, reassure the part concerned and re:uest it to try the ne7 pattern out for a reasona4le period of time to esta4lish 7hether this is a useful development or not6 #;plain that you can return your coding to its srcinal pattern, or find a ne7 and 4etter pattern, if that turns out to 4e prefera4le6
/6 Pause here and consider the pro4lem you identified in the e;ercise that precedes this and as5 yourself
H'f ' 7ere a4le to loo5 4ac5 to a time 7hen ' had already resolved the pro4lem that 7as 4othering me, 7hat 7ould 4e different and 4etter no7AI KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
)ou 7ill find the a4ove e;ercise e;tremely useful in applying the future and solution-oriented principles and techni:ues presented in this 4oo56 )ou 7ill also discover its po7er in resolving specific pro4lems that may 4e standing in your 7ay6 !any practitioners have found their effectiveness increases 7hen they resolve pro4lems 7ithin the time period in 7hich they srcinally occurred, rather than trying to 7or5 entirely in the present, hoping that their 7or5 generali
BAC- TO THE FUTURE
he follo7ing pattern is simple, po7erful and adapta4le to many different situations6 %ne impromptu demonstration occurred at a London airport 7here a tour organi
E.ERCISE #*: THE BAC- TO THE FUTURE ATTERN
36 hin5 of a pro4lem to 7hich you have not yet 4een a4le to find a solution6 or the moment, move it 4ehind you on to your past timeline6
16 urn your attention to the future, and imagine you can see yourself dissociatedM moving for7ard to a time 7here a solution to the pro4lem lies6 he travelers suffering from airsic5ness imagined seeing themselves in a time 7here a cure had 4een found and successfully administered6
6 +isuali
26 *hen you are happy 7ith the ne7, resourceful response, float into the future and do7n into the future you 7ho is already enoying the 4enefits of the change6 $ee through the eyes and hear 7ith the ears of that future and, most importantly, feel ho7 the ne7 state e;presses itself, 4oth in your internal 5inesthetic ho7 you feel insideM, as 7ell as ho7 you move6
E6 loat up and 4egin to move 4ac5 in time, from your future self into the present, 4ringing your future resources 7ith you6 Drop do7n into your 4ody in the present and allo7 your ne7 resources to settle in 4efore completing the final step6
F6 $taying 7here you are in the present, visuali
Notice ho7 the e;ercises in this 4oo5 are less concerned 7ith 7hy a particular pro4lem arises than on ho7 the pro4lem is structured and manifests itself6 *e are seldom inclined to delve too deeply into anyone@s past6 "o7ever, part of your personal model may include the 4elief not shared 4y the authorsM that insight is a necessary prere:uisite to healing so, in order to leverage permanent change, there are instances 7hen it might 4e useful to uncover a single sensiti
)ou need to ta5e appropriate steps to protect yourself6 he first and most important step is to ta5e a fe7 moments to rela;6 Go inside and as5 your unconscious to protect you from any seriously negative material that may 4e 4uried in the past6 *ait for a specific response to manifest6 %ften this occurs in the form of an internal shift or feeling letting you 5no7 that your unconscious 7ill respond appropriately6
he second precaution is to ensure that you have access to an appropriately trained professional should you re:uire e;tra assistance6 Remem4er if your unconscious has repressed certain
information, it may have done so for good reason6 't is our 4elief that the unconscious al7ays acts protectively6 his may include giving you amnesia for certain events6` #liciting and respecting the protective nature of your unconscious can have fascinating conse:uences that reveal the creative nature of your inner processing6 ( 7oman 7ho consulted us told ho7, as a trou4led 31-year-old, she had hidden a valua4le piece of e7elry some7here in the family home 7hich 7as no7 due to 4e sold6 $he 7as 5een to remem4er 7here the piece had 4een hidden, 4ut 7as an;ious at the prospect of returning to the traumatic events of 7hen it had happened6 %n the day she hid the e7elry her mother had 4een ta5en a7ay amid massive upheaval to 4e hospitali
E.ERCISE #!: THE SECRET OF THE RESENTIN+ AST
36 ocus for the moment on the issue that has 4een causing you pro4lems and that you suspect has some srcins some7here in your personal history6 Rather than spending time on revie7ing the details, simply pay attention to ho7 the feeling, that is your 5inesthetic reaction, manifests in your 4ody6
16 (nchor that feeling 4y pressing firmly on a 5nuc5le of one hand6
6 'nvite your unconscious to follo7 the feeling 4ac5 in time6 $till holding the anchor, ride this sensation 4ac5 until you arrive at a point some time in your past6 Pay attention to any fleeting images that may occur6
26 *hen you reach the point of the suspected sensiti
FREEIN+ AND HEALIN+ /OURSELF FRO0 /OUR AST
he principles and techni:ues of Being "appy can all 4e applied historicallyTthat is, you can mentally move 4ac5 in time to the point 7here the incident first arose and deal 7ith it then in a 7ay that prevents pro4lems developing later6 Current research suggests that traumas develop 7hen people perceive themselves as po7erless coupled 7ith an ina4ility to protect themselves at the time the srcinal event occurred6 (side from the emotional distress caused 4y flash4ac5s and other symptoms of trauma, this sense of helplessness can 4e highly to;ic6 'f left unresolved, it has 4een associated in later life, 7ith alcoholism, depression, su4stance a4use, attempted suicide, eating disorders, chronic heart and lung disease, cancer, stro5e and liver disease, in addition to a host of other dysfunctions and diseases6 31M he follo7ing e;ercise is particularly useful 4ecause it can 4oth restore your sense of control, and help you vie7 the srcinal event from a different, more resourceful, perspective6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
E.ERCISE #": HEALIN+ /OUR AST
36 %nce again, visuali
16 loat 4ac5 in time to the point 7here the srcinal sensiti
16 *hat or ho7 did you respond to the eventA e6g6 7ithdra7al, avoidance, anger, dissociation, etcM6
6 'dentify the purpose of your response a4ove6 *hat did you hope to accomplishA 'n most situations, the 4ehavior is intended to protect you, even though it may not have 4een particular comforta4le or effective at the time6 Don@t 7orry if you regret your response at this time6 (ccept that all symptoms and 4ehaviors can 4e said to have a positive intention6 )ou are simply analy
26 loat 4ac5 to the present6 Notice ho7 as an adult you have since developed more ofM the resource you lac5ed at an earlier stage6 his 7ill 4e something li5e the a4ility to share your pro4lems, to spea5 up for yourself or to tell an a4user to stop6
E6 'magine you can convert this a4ility into a sym4olic or metaphorical form choose a color, light, shape, fire4all etc6 "url it 4ac5 do7n your past timeline to your younger self6
F6 !oving faster than light,
.6 Catch the resource6
/6 Bring it into your 4ody and notice the feeling it creates6
6 $pin the feeling created 4y this resource throughout your 4ody, faster and faster6
(llo7 it to spread throughout your head, your chest, stomach and pelvis, into your arms, legs, fingers and toes6 Let it continue to e;pand until it e;tends a fe7 inches outside your 4ody, completely enclosing you in a protective, spinning cocoon, or force field, impenetra4le and strong6
306 Ne;t, rapidly move up along your timeline, through all your past e;periences to7ard your present, still spinning the feeling and 7ith a sense of complete safety6 (s you do so, invite other incidents that other7ise 7ould have hurt or frightened you from your past to come at you li5e missiles6 eel them smac5ing into your protective shield and 4ouncing off and into the past 7here they 4elong6
336 (s you move 4ac5 into your present self, see yourself roc5eting into the future6 Noticing ho7 the creation of a protective shield allo7s you to develop and e;plore more appropriate protective 4ehavior, resolving previously threatening situations 7ith confidence and ease6 Repeat several times from $tep a4ove6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
B#%R# )%> !%+# %N % "# N#X C"(P#R, tidy up any pro4lems from your personal history that continue to cause strife or issues for you today6 a5e your time and feel completely comforta4le6 %nce you are comforta4le, 4egin reading the ne;t chapter6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
REFERENCES AND FOOTNOTES FOR CHATER T4EL5E
336 Nne< R, $7eetser # 1003M6 $patial em4odiment of temporal metaphors in (ymara Blending source-domain gesture 7ith speech6 Proceedings of the .th 'nternational Cognitive Linguistics Conference, $anta Bar4ara, C(6 12-1E0
3106 im4ardo P, Boyd 100/M6 he ime Parado; he Ne7 Psychology of ime6 London Rider 3136 $iu R 3.2M6 Chi, ( Neo-aoist (pproach to Life6 Cam4ridge, !( !' Press 3116 La5off G, ohnson ! 3/3M !etaphors * e Live By6 Chicago Chicago >niversity Press 316 elitti + et al6 3/M6 Relationship of childhood a4use to many of the leading causes of death in adults he adverse childhood e;periences (C#M study6 (merican ournal of Preventive !edicine, 322M, 2/.-1E/ KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
CHATER THIRTEEN: +ETTIN+ FRO0 4HERE /OU ARE TO 4HERE /OU 4ANT TO BE
'n this chapter O he secret of gettingTand stayingTon trac5 O *hat is right 7ith goal-settingTand 7hat is 7rong 7ith it
O "o7 to eat an elephant O )our 10J10 foresight machine6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
Getting from 7here you are to 7here you 7ant to 4e is more than a matter of 7ishful thin5ing6 7o factors influence your success direction and planning6 Both represent essential components of long-term, consistent and most importantly, predi!tabe change6
(s stated previously, 7hen you rehearse all the things that could go 7rong, you are actually planning to fail6 ( portion of your 4rain functions similarly to the servo-mechanism on a smart missile6 Li5e the missile, once you program your 4rain 7ith instructions it 7ill strea5 off in that direction until it hits its targetTeven if that target is disappointment and pain6 (chieving your dreams and aspirations, enoying positive moods, health and 7ell-4eing on an ongoing 4asis re:uires planning6 'f you 7ant to have success, you must 4e precise a4out 7hat you 7ant and ho7 you 7ill achieve it6 !ost 4usiness seminars and self-help 4oo5s offer various forms of smart@ planning and goalsetting6 #ach suggests that any important actions should 4e positively stated, 7ithin the control of the person doing the planning, realistic, managea4le and a4ove all to have the a4ility to 4e accomplished 7ithin a specified time frame6 "o7ever, 7hile simple, goal-setting has its place 7hen dealing 7ith a certain class of tas5s, 7ithout an overall orientation or direction, you are still at ris5 of running aground on the roc5s of chance and circumstance6
THE GOURNE/ -NO4N AS /OUR LIFE
he maority of ne7 cars produced today come e:uipped 7ith a GP$ Glo4al Positioning $ystemM6 !illions of drivers around the 7orld depend almost entirely on satellite navigation to get to 7here they 7ant to go6 he average GP$ re:uires the driver to program in a location your goalM, choose from a series of directional options shortest route, least traffic etcM, and 4egin the ourney6 $hould you ignore the device@s instructions or accidentally ma5e a 7rong turn, it rapidly calculates the steps you need to ta5e in order to come 4ac5 on trac56 $upposing the data it receives is accurately processed, and e;cluding unforeseen circumstances, the system 7ill deliver e;actly 7hat it promises6 Gone are the days for some people at leastM 7here you sat around the ta4le 7ith a 4ig foldout map, holding lively discussions 7ith other mem4ers of your family as to the 4est route for your vacation6 %f course planning remains an essential component6 *hat needs to 4e pac5edA *ill you put a picnic 4as5et in the trun5A *hat time should you leave in order to avoid the 7orst of the trafficA (4ove all, 7hat are you going to do 7hen you get thereA "o7 many different 7ays are you e;pecting to have funA
4HAT IS RI+HT 4ITH +OALSETTIN+
$ome people as 7ell as companiesM have no idea 7hat they 7ant or 7here going6 #ven 7here goal-setting is an important part of a corporate or personal culture, goals often don@t connect 7ith the culture or purpose in a meaningful 7ay that ensures and maintains for7ard movement6 Goals can and do 7or56 %f that there@s no dou4t6 *e have a 4uilt in a4ility to 5eep to certain simple o4ectives 4y priming the 4rain@s Reticular (ctivating $ystem R($M 7ith 7ords and images that prompt it to direct 4oth our conscious and unconscious attention to7ards achieving a specified end6 Neuroscience demonstrates that the creation of a highly detailed and emotionally charged outcome sets up a dynamic tension that can move someone from a present state to the desired state6 (ll the techni:ues created in the 7a5e of NLP are designed to accomplish ust this6 "o7ever, the outcome alone is not enough to maintain the momentum needed to enoy a prosperous, happy and healthy life6 *e re:uire something more6
THE ROBLE0 4ITH +OALSETTIN+
oday@s o4session 7ith hitting targets and reaching goals :uic5ly may ma5e you successful in certain limited areas of your life, 4ut a focus strictly upon 4enchmar5s is e:ually li5ely to leave you feeling dissatisfied and unfulfilled6 his is due to several pitfalls associated 7ith conventional goal-setting6 he first may 4e the sheer si
achievedA "o7 much do you loo5 for7ard to ne;t Ne7 )ear so you can ma5e even more resolutions that you 7on@t 5eepA (dmit it6 Chances are all those changes you 7ere going to ma5e, to :uit smo5ing, lose a fe7 pounds, stop 4iting your nails, simply never got off the ground6 "o7 much frustration or, possi4ly, reliefM did you feel 7hen you a4andoned your plans on day three or fourA Possi4ly, you have given up even trying6 (s someone remar5ed, the 4est place to find par5ing is outside a health clu4 in e4ruary6 'f this has happened to you, there@s a strong li5elihood that your goals are not lin5ed 7ith a program to create change6 (lso, many people are driven 4y a particularly appealing outcome, then, on achieving it, seem to hit a 4ric5 7all, simply 4ecause the program they@ve set up doesn@t e;tend 4eyond a specific end-point and they revert to 7here they started6 ac5 is a talented 4usinessman 7ho made as many millions as he lost 4efore he reali
+OALS AND SELFI0A+E
(nother potential ha
Revisiting the GP$ analogy, you need to invest in a high-end device if you 7ant to get the 4est results6 Let us say that 7ith the GP$ you 7ant more than simply to traverse the country 4y the fastest route6 )ou actually 7ant to enoy the ride6 herefore, you need engaging company in the car something to eat and drin5 and interesting activities and sights along the 7ay6 'f you simply go to your destination and 4ac5 in the shortest possi4le time, it is not a vacation6 't is an ordeal6
By planning a life of Being "appy, you distinguish 4et7een goals and directions6 *hen you set a direction, you include room for options, choices, possi4ilities and adventures6 Pay attention to all the details and nothing, including you, 7ill get lost along the 7ay6
SETTIN+ A DIRECTION
( direction, li5e a puppy, is for life6 Literally it is a route you set up to ensure you prevent your life drifting aimlessly, that sense that you are not really responsi4le for 7hat happens to you6 People suffering this 5ind of life drift usually feel disempo7ered and depressed6 $ometimes they 5ic5 4ac5 4y ma5ing yet another resolution, 4ut failure to 5eep it results in an even greater sense of drift6 By setting a direction 7ith care and precision, you reconnect 7ith your potential6 )ou disregard minor failures along the 7ay and claim the po7er to 5eep adusting your 4ehavior to ma;imi
't should come as no surprise that your life@s direction 7ill 4e intimately related to your life mission6 he presence of 4oth, life direction and life mission defines an individual living a coherent and continuously fulfilling life6
/OUR FUTURE SELF
Recent research confirms that the most effective planning comes from connecting 7ith your Hfuture selfI6 $tanford researcher "al #rsner-"erschfield created a virtual reality computer program that allo7ed each su4ect to e;perience him or herself many years into the future, complete 7ith 7rin5les, grey hair, significantly aged 4ody and so on6 or a given period of time, each su4ect lived as their future selves and then came 4ac5 into the present, alongside a control group that had not time-travelled6 Both groups 7ere given the tas5 to decide ho7 they 7ould spend a ^3,000 7indfall6 *hile the control group happily spent the money on gifts, parties and other items of short-term pleasure, those 7ith an elderly avatar 7ere far more li5ely to invest the money in a retirement plan6 312M his supports 7hat 7e have 4elie ved for many yearsTthat most 4ad decisions are made 4ecause people do not ta5e the time to thin5 a thought all the 7ay through, to e;amine the conse:uences of their actions, or to e;plore alternatives6 People get stuc5 4ecause they have no ne;t-step function6 !aor pro4lems are reduced to a simple la4el6 he process and its component parts are ignored so your life comes to a grinding halt6
%f course, you do not need a computer-driven virtual reality device in order to esta4lish your lifedirection6 )ou already o7n the most advanced machine for e;ploring past, present and future in e;:uisite detail, your 4rain6 >sing the e;ercise 4elo7, you can investigate 4oth the result of your present actions and the li5ely outcome of ne7er and more desira4le 4ehaviors 7hile sitting in the comfort of your favorite armchair6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
E.ERCISE ##: BOOTIN+ U /OUR "*"* FORESI+HT 0ACHINE
ART A: RE5IE4IN+ THE RESULTS OF RESENT UN4ANTED BEHA5IOR
36 $it 4ac5 and ta5e three deep 4reaths, letting each out 7ith a long, satisfying sigh6 Close your eyes and allo7 your attention to move inside and do7n6 (s you do, notice the 4lac5, undulating field that sho7s up 4ehind your eyelids6 his is 7hat remote vie7ers call Hdar5 solutionI, the gate7ay to a field of possi4ilities 4eyond the reach of our normal, 7a5ing senses6
16 Choose one 4ehavior you 7ould li5e to changeTsmo5ing for e;ample, 4inge-eating or rec5less spending6 'magine you can press a fast-for7ard 4utton that umps you to the final year of your life6 "ave the sensation of
6 a5e a snapshot of your limited 7orld and placing it in the 4ac5 of your mind, return to the present6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
ART B: RE5IE4IN+ THE RESULTS OF A LIFE LI5ED 4ITH DIRECTION
36 Pause for a moment and as5 yourself the follo7ing :uestions "o7 7ould ' li5e my life to 4e instead of the 7ay ' e;perienced it in the earlier part of the e;erciseA *hat 7ould ' 4e doing that is different and 4etterA
16 Press your fast-for7ard 4utton and move :uic5ly to the later years of your life 7ith these :ualities in place6 Notice 7hat you are doing and ho7 you are feeling6 #;perience in all senses the :uality of the life you have created this time, the life you 7ould have preferred6
6 Return to the present, moving in reverse through a series of steps6 Notice as you move ba!kwards through each stage of your future life 7hat actions 7ere needed in order for the previous step to have 4een possi4le6 or e;ample, if part of your desired life is financial security, imagine dra7ing from a flourishing 4an5 account each month, then ma5ing regular payments into it etc6 'f you 7ant to 4e a certain 7eight, ignore the scales6 Rather, see yourself 7al5ing to the shops instead of ta5ing the car, or planning healthy, delicious meals6 !a5e sure each stage involves something you enoy6 (t each stage as5 yourself, H*hat needed to happen in order to ma5e this step possi4leAI
26 By the time you return to the present, you should have a series of slides, stills or short movie clips illustrating each stage of your ourney6
E6 $plice together these clips to ma5e a smooth, feature-filled movie of your ne7, directionoriented life6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
ART C: 0A-IN+ THE S4ITCH
36 (t this stage, you have a choice 4et7een returning to the old pattern stored in the 4ac5 of your mindM, or stepping into the ne7 one6 Decide finally 7hether you 7ant to ma5e the s7itch, Commit to everything that is re:uired for your ne7 lifestyle to 7or56
16 #;tract the old, undesired future snapshot from the 4ac5 of your mind6 Put this image in your internal visual field directly 4efore you6 Place the opening scene of the fully representational, desira4le movie of your ne7 7ay of living 4ehind you6
6 No7, very :uic5ly, move the picture in front of you around, either to the right of left, until it is 4ehind you, 7hile simultaneously pushing the ne7 image through your 4ody from 4ac5 to front6 #"oos"7 Do this several times, cran5ing up the 5inesthetic the 4ody-sensationM as the desired
image moves through you, and ends up in front of you6
26 $tep into the ne7 image and imagine moving very rapidly through each stage leading you to a healthy, happy and prosperous old age6 9no7 that 7ith each step for7ard, the old pattern moves further a7ay 4ehind you6 But, should you stop or regress, the old pattern 7ill advance on you = so keep mo(ing6
E6 Repeat Step $ several times until you feel comforta4le 7ith all aspects that contri4ute to your ne7 direction6 Remind yourself that this is a direction, and 7hile there are a num4er of mini-goals along the 7ay, they are simply guideposts6 'f something doesn@t :uite 7or5 out the 7ay you 7ant it to, ma5e the necessary adustment and continue6 'f you give 7ay to over-eating or smo5ing, ac5no7ledge your feeling of disappointment6 Recogni
F6 (4ove all, remind yourself that living a direction-focused life is a process, not a goal6 a5e time to enoy the ourney6 "o7 you are going is far more important than 7here you are getting to6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
TAIN+ INTO EINSTEINKS BRAIN
#instein@s creative strategy has 4een thoroughly documented6 "is first step 7as to tap into his a4ilities to visuali
o4serve, analy
E.ERCISE #$: THE EINSTEIN EN+INE
36 Go to Step $ in art C of the e;ercise a4ove6 Before you 4egin to move into the future, pause to remem4er in as much detail as you can a time 7hen you felt significantly motivated to push for7ard 7ith a particular proect6 't can 4e in any conte;t in your life, from 4uying an item of clothing that you a4solutely had to have to ma5ing love6 he important thing is that you 5ne7 once you 4egan you could not stop6
16 (s you vividly remem4er 7hat you sa7, heard and felt, notice 7here the feeling that drives you for7ard 4egins in your 4ody6 Notice the direction it is moving and 7here it seems to dissipate6
6 Rather than allo7ing this drive to fade a7ay, connect its endpoint to its 4eginning6 Loop and spin it so that the feeling starts to intensify6
26 (s the feeling gro7s stronger, move into your constructed future, mini-goal 4y mini-goal6 Continue to intensify the spinning feeling6 ime this escalation so that it 4uilds in sync 7ith each step of your proect until you reach your planned outcome6
E6 o ensure that you are not 4rought up short 4y an endpoint to your plans, stop 7here you are6 Roll the spinning feeling along your timeline into your future until it disappears over the hori
F6 Repeat this e;ercise several times6 est to ma5e sure that 7hen you thin5 a4out ta5ing the first step in the direction you have chosen you feel e;citement automatically 4eginning to 4uild6 'f it does not, repeat the e;ercise until it does6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
!ost planning methods, including NLP in its earliest incarnation, regard feed4ac5 as the "oly Grail of self-development6 his is valid enough 7hen a chain of events has already 4een set in motion6 't is e;tremely empo7ering to reframe mista5es as feed4ac5 and simply adust your 4ehavior to compensate6 Catching the 7ave@ is a phrase 7e often heard to descri4e this process6 %ur hope in 7riting this 4oo5 is to help the reader get ahead of the 7ave, to thin5 of and plan for 7hat happens after 7hat happens ne;t6 o do this you need to develop t7o s5ills 3M o include feed-for7ard loops as a regular part of your planning, 1M o set up a sensitive early-7arning system that can respond to changes 7ithin or a4out your immediate environment 4efore they start causing trou4le6 he ideal continuum is dynamic, incorporating feed4ac5 7hile propelling you for7ard in 7ays that allo7 you to deal effectively 7ith 7hat has already happened and 7hat is li5ely to happen ne;t6
Contingency planning, often seen in highly effective managers, doctors and nurses, re:uires you anticipate pro4lems and act s7iftly, if necessary, adusting the steps to7ards your outcome and, sometimes, the outcome itself6 31M 30M 9enneth and his family 7ere plunged into a terrifying five-hour ordeal 7hen he and his family returned home and distur4ed a gang of violent thieves 7ho had 4ro5en in to their home after drugging their dogs and disa4ling the 4urglar alarm6 9en and his family stayed alive and relatively unhurt 4y remaining calm and co-operating 7ith the ro44ers, even though they 7ere su4ected to e;treme psychological and physical pressure6 (fter7ards, 9en 4lamed himself remar5ing, H'f only '@d reali
E.ERCISE #%: INSTALLIN+ AN EARL/4ARNIN+ S/STE0
36 ind three situations from your o7n e;perience 7here you failed to notice something that 7ould have saved you from the trou4le that follo7ed6 hese may 4e maor crises li5e 9en@s e;perience a4ove, or fairly minor ones, such as spilling a glass of mil5 4ecause you failed to notice your sleeve touching it as you reached for something else6 !a5e your recollections as vivid as possi4le in all sensory systems6
16 Re7ind each situation to a point shortly 4efore the incident occurred6 $lo7ly run each scenario for7ard and insert an alarm that is impossi4le to ignore, for e;ample a vivid, flashing, am4er light accompanied 4y a shrill alarm6
6 Run a series of imaginary events in 7hich such an early-7arning system 7ould prove useful6 !a5e sure in your virtual scenarios that you pause 7hen the second the alarm goes off to e;plore the situation and ma5e a decision as to 7hether it is safe and appropriate to proceed, or not6 Note: *hen your early-7arning alarm goes off in real-time, it@s important that you al7ays stop
and investigate6 'f you override it, your unconscious is li5ely to revert to its old pattern of screening out all 4ut the strongest signals6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
TIS SUORTIN+ /OUR NE4 SUCCESSORIENTED DIRECTION:
he success of all goals and life-directions should 4e measured 4y internal, rather than e;ternal, references6 ust as holocaust survivor +i5tor ran5l found peace in unimagina4ly terri4le circumstances 4y uncovering and staying true to his o7n values, your planning success depends on staying true to yourself, rather than to other people@s udgments, opinions and 4eliefs6 'f you 7ant to 4e slimmer and fitter, ditch your scales or the Body !ass 'nde; B!'M and start to pay attention to ho7 much more comforta4le you feel in nice clothes in a smaller si
'f you have :uit smo5ing, stop proecting your mind into a future and 4egin to notice right no7 ho7 much more easily you 4reathe, ho7 much 4etter your food tastes, or ho7 more a7a5e you feel6 !easure success 4y 7hat is 7or5ing, rather than 4y 7hat you have yet to accomplish6 Be 5ind to yourself if you hit a snag6 Laugh at your humanness and simply get 4ac5 on trac56 inally, ta5e time to cele4rate your achievements rather than your failures6 Pause, reflect and feel6 Remem4er, an important 5ey to Being "appy is learning ho7 to be, rather than simply 7hat to do6
B#%R# )%> !%+# %N % "# N#X C"(P#R, refine your direction and the important steps or goals along the 7ay6 !a5e sure 7hen you do this that you utili
RESOURCES AND FOOTNOTES FOR CHATER THIRTEEN
3126 "utson !, !a5ing oresight 10J10 Connect 7ith your future self6 Psychology oday6 Novem4erJDecem4er 100/6 E6 31E6 Cro7ther ( 310M6 !ichael araday6 London !acmillan 31F6 '4id6 31.6 Gordon * 3F3M $ynectics6 London "arper & Ro7 31/6 alconar 100.M Creative 'ntelligence & $elf-Li4eration6 Carmarthen, *ales Cro7n "ouse Pu4lishing Ltd 316 "odg5inson C 33M #ducational Leadership he !oral (rt, Ne7 )or5 $tate >niversity of Ne7 )or5 Press 306 Bec5ett D, "ager P 1001M Life, *or5 and Learning, London Routledge, 1003
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CHATER FOURTEEN: HO4 TO FUTUREROOF /OUR LIFE 'n this chapter O he secrets of highly effective and successful people O 'maginative engineering and achievement O Rehearsing 7hat you 7ant, not 7hat you fear O "o7 handicaps help you flourish6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
*hat do successful athletes, famous heart surgeons and concert pianists all have in commonA he ans7er, aside from the fact each has undergone intensive training in their field, is t7ofold irst, they all have a clear vision of 7hat they 7ant and 7here they 7ant to 4e secondly, they are committed to getting there6 hose 7ho function at the upper edge of their capa4ilities have another tool at their disposal even though some may not 4e consciously a7are of it6 hey simply deploy it intuitively6 *hat is this magic toolA )ou have it too6 o some degree or other, people performing at the level of e;cellence tap into their 4rain@s a4ility to complement their physical practice through mental rehearsal, a practice sometimes 5no7n as, though not :uite accurately, as visuali
something they can see, hear, feel and sometimes even taste and smell 4efore they 4egin6 hey are practicing something 7e could call imaginative engineering6 or years, mainstream researchers have shied a7ay from the idea of e;ploring the mechanics of mental rehearsal, primarily 4ecause they 7ere afraid they 7ould 4e associated 7ith many of the so-called fringe practitioners 7ho made e;travagant claims for visuali
4HAT 0ENTAL REHEARSAL REALL/ IS
$ince the earliest days of NLP, a process called Hfuture-pacingI 7as recogni
!ental rehearsal is an important and useful s5ill to develop6 Not only can it improve mental and physical performance, 4ut it can actually help you develop muscular de;terity and strength6 31M
4HAT 0ENTAL REHEARSAL IS NOT
*hile 4eing a4le to construct mental images is an important part of creating your future, mental rehearsal has nothing to do 7ith the esoteric practices promising in e;change for the price of a 4oo5, a D+D, a course of instructionM the secret to infinite richesTespecially if you are not re:uired to do anything other than invite the universe to meet your desires6 Natural optimists and those 7ho have learned the technology of Being "appy understand that ta5ing action is a 5ey to their accomplishments6 't is entirely possi4le to short-cut your 7ay to success6 Being a4le to imagine your goals and the route that 7ill get you there is an important part6 "o7ever, the process does not end there6 Nor 7ill any method that promises to 4ring you riches ma5e you 7ealthy if you simply sit at home doing nothing other than visuali
4HEN 0ENTAL REHEARSAL DOES NOT 4OR-
$ometimes, mental rehearsal does not 7or56 here are several reasons 7hy, and all can 4e fi;ed6 he most common o4ection 7e hear is, H' can@t ma5e pictures in my mind6I
%f course, this is nonsense6 'f you 7ere una4le to create or remem4er visual images, you 7ould 4e severely handicapped, una4le, in all pro4a4ility, to thin5 or move6 #veryone processes information visually in fact, 7hile 7e each have preferences in certain circumstance, visual input 7ill al7ays trump the other senses6 *e are incredi4ly adept at remem4ering pictures6 (s neuroscientist ohn !edina says, H"ear a piece of information and three days later you\ll remem4er 30S of it6 (dd a picture and you\ll remem4er FES6I *hy is vision such a 4ig deal to usA Perhaps 4ecause seeing is ho7 our species has al7ays detected maor threats, food supplies and reproductive opportunities6 3M
'f you 4elieve you can@t visuali
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E.ERCISE #&: SHARENIN+ U /OUR 5ISUALIJATION S-ILLS
36 'magine a cu4e made of 7hite 7ood and painted a dar5 colorTred or 4lac5Ton its si; faces6
16 !entally cut the cu4e vertically in three e:ual slices, first in one direction, and then at right angles6 )ou 7ill no7 have si; rectangular pieces6
6 Cut these three pieces, this time hori
26 "aving done that, ta5e a fe7 minutes every day to 7or5 your 7ay through the cu4e in any direction you li5e6 'dentify the position of each small cu4e and mentally esta4lish ho7 many 7hite faces and ho7 many dar5 it has6
E6 *hen you 4ecome proficient at this, you can challenge yourself even further 4y slicing the cu4e four times in each direction6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
TI: he fact that you even understood the steps of this e;ercise should confirm to you that you
are a4le to create images6 *ere you not visuali
FI.ED STATE OR ON+OIN+ BEHA5IOR
(nother complaint 7e sometimes hear is that Hfuture-pacingI doesn@t 7or56 he person may have follo7ed the steps of a chosen techni:ue and then found the ne7 4ehavior has failed to ta5e6 'n mentally rehearsing a ne7 4ehavior or response, it is important that you decide 7hether this is an ongoing process, or, a fi;ed, irreversi4le ne7 state6 or e;ample, if you plan to lose a certain num4er of pounds 4y dieting, you@re very li5ely to put them 4ac5 on6 "o7ever, if choose to follo7 a practical eating plan and e;ercise an ongoing 4ehaviorM, you 7ill moderate your 7eight as a side-effect6 6 'f you 7ant the o4ective to 4e permanent, such as 4ecoming a non-smo5er, the outcome is fi;ed and irreversi4le6 )ou ust are, and that is it6 *hen you rehearse ongoing 4ehaviors, you should 4e a4le to see that image dissociated, and feel dra7n to7ard it6 $omething inside you goes, Hhis is 7hat ' 7ant6 his is the 7ay '@ll 4e 4ehavingI, then each day that follo7s you match that 4ehavior6 By doing so you 7ill feel good
a4out 7hat you@re doing and 4e more motivated to continue6 *hen you rehearse accomplished facts, you should associate into the e;perience so your neurons can say, H%5ay, this is the 7ay it is6I he reason you do not step inside your picture of a ne7, ongoing 4ehavior and pretend you are already there is that this creates false confidence6 Confi1ence itho2t co3petence is a 1angero2s 1e72sionto have6 $ome practitioners of NLP use a techni:ue they call the H(s-'f rameI, in 7hich they act as if they are already the pe rson they 7ant to 4e6 *e do not endorse
this techni:ue6 Rather than delude yourself, 7e 7ant you to aim at ne7 7ays of 4ehaving6 he difference in the t7o approaches is simple6 'nstead of thin5ing you are good at something, you actually be!ome good at it6
ASSOCIATION 5S DISSOCIATION
Choosing 4et7een an associated or dissociated future-pace has a foundation in neurological fact6 rench neurologists used Positron #mission omography also 5no7n as P# scanningM, a diagnostic imaging modality, to study actions mentally simulated either 7ith a first-person associatedM or a third-person dissociatedM perspective6 "e found that 7hile 4oth approaches 7ere associated 7ith common activation in certain areas of the 4rain, there 7ere important differences6 or e;ample, the dissociated perspective s7itches on areas of the 4rain involved in planning and e;ecuting motor movements, 7hile the associated simulation activates areas dealing 7ith action and feeling6 32M
*e are spending some time on these specifics for an important reason6 (t 7orst, visuali
#;perimenters found that students at the >niversity of California 7ho used the (s 'f rame to visualiniversity of Pennsylvania 7ere told to visuali
CASE STUD/: ANNA THE ACTRESS
(nna, an actress complained that multiple pro4lems, including insomnia, 7ere destroying her life6 $he 7as a4le to recount in detail every slight and set4ac5 she had suffered since the age of five6 #ach one of these events, it seemed, 7as affecting the :uality of her life today6 $ince the a4ility to
recall the minutiae of life so completely 7as clearly a s5ill that might have applications in some other, more appropriate conte;t, 7e as5ed, H"o7 do you 5no7 7hat@s causing your pro4lems no7AI "er ans7er 7as simple and enlightening6
H*ell, that@s 7hat 5eeps me a7a5e at night,I she related6 H' go to 4ed and start thin5ing of all the things that have gone 7rong in my life6 !y therapist tells me it@s important to have insight a4out 7here your pro4lems come from, 4ut ' ust can@t seem to find out 7hy6I *e then as5ed her ho7 often she created a plan to overcome her pro4lems6 "o7 often did she loo5 for7ard 7ays of doing and feeling 4etterA $he responded sheepishly, H' al7ays thought if ' got to the 4ottom of my pro4lems, '@d automatically start to feel 4etter6I 't too5 some convincing 4efore she could accept that all the therapists and 4oo5s she had turned to had repeated the same piece of received ignorance 7ithout ever chec5ing 7hether it 7as true6 he past, 7e told her, does not necessarily dictate the future6 "o7 she 7as responding to the past 7as 7hat needed to 4e addressed6 (s an actress, she understood the importance of rehearsal6 %nce she recogni
THE O4ER OF 4ORDS
*hen No4el laureate #ric 9andel demonstrated that )pysia, a giant marine snail, could earn to fear 4oth electric shoc5s and the possibiity of electric shoc5s, neuroscience made a gigantic leap for7ard6 9andel 4ecame the first scientist to demonstrate something that is as true of snails and
other simple organisms as it is of primates, including human 4eings earning !"anges t"e stru!ture of t"e neurons of t"e brain.
9andel refused to oin the reductionists 7ho 4elieved that once neurons 7ere 7ired together they 7ere condemned to fire together for life6 "e 7ent on to prove a presupposition that has driven NLP developers since the very 4eginning you can actually reprogram your neurology 4y the systematic use of language6 3/M %ne thing is certain regardless of 7hat pro4lems you might thin5 you have, they are only pro4lems as long as they cause you an;iety6 %f course, the 7ord an;iety itself causes pro4lems6 Psychologists are divided a4out its precise definition, although they tend to agree that is the various types of an;iety are 4ound together 4y a common theme of He;cessive, irrational fear or apprehensionI6 !ost treatments tac5le either the physical symptoms, or the so-called irrationality, of the condition6 Drugs are prescri4ed in an attempt to damp do7n the palpitations, s7eating or nausea Cognitive Behavioral herapy CBM on the other hand, puts you on full-time anti-terrorism alert 4y 4randing rogue thoughts as the cause of the pro4lem6 hese approaches miss the o4vious6 (n;iety is only an;iety 7hen the thing you are frightened of has not yet happened6 't is a pro4lem that e;ists solely in the future6 )ou are an;ious a4out 7hat might happen, and 7hat could happen as a result of that, and so on, until you have created an entire se:uence of terri4le, 4ut entirely imaginary events6 he moment 7hat is feared happens if it actually ever doesM, its nature changes6 No7 you might strongly disli5e, and try to put an end to, 7hat is happening, 4ut you are no longer an;ious a4out it6 )ou have entered a state of flight or flight6 "o7 successfully you perceive your a4ility to fight or run a7ay from the event or, to resolve some other 7ayM dictates ho7 7ell or ho7 4adly you 7ill cope6 'f you have ever suffered a full-4lo7n panic attac5, you pro4a4ly felt as if you 7ere going to die6 he reason for this is 4oth simple and logical6 )our fight and flight response evolved to 5eep you alive6 'f you are una4le to fight or run a7ay, the chances of 4eing eaten 4y a predator escalates or so the primitive part of your 4rain 4elievesM6 he pictures you have created pile up, and the highly protective lim4ic system cran5s up the message, H5et out of "ere7/
*hat really causes pro4lems is not so much fear, 4ut the fear of fear6 'f that is not :uic5ly dealt 7ith, it triggers an even more over7helming tsunami of unpleasant neuro4iological responses6 (nticipation is 7hat made you an;ious in the first place6 he degree to 7hich you 4ecome nervous or afraid is in direct proportion to the vividness 7ith 7hich you create a mental representation of the feared event6 'n other 7ords, you visuali
creative or destructive6 he driving force 4ehind the servo-mechanism is simple6 't is loc5ed onto its target and 7ill pursue that target until the target is destroyed, no ifs or 4uts6 Neuroscience today fully supports our assertion of many decades that it is possi4le to program the mind to act in ne7 and more resourceful 7ays6 he intention in developing NLP 7as never to create ro4ots 4ut to ma5e it possi4le for every human to tap into their e;traordinary a4ility to set and reset patterns of feeling and 4ehavior in 7ays that could significantly increase the :uality of their lives6 People are carrying out this programming all the time6 !ost of the time it is random and unre7arding6 'n some cases, it is actively damaging6 Li5e any ne7 s5ill, trade or talent, you have to develop it in order to ma5e the most of it6 %nce developed, you can ta5e on ne7 4ehaviors and more resourceful patterns of thin5ing6 )ou 7ill 4e a4le to master ne7 s5ills, such as pain control and fearless achievement6 he first step is to develop e;pertise in mental imagery so you can ta5e on your ne7 proficiency as part of your 4ehavioral repertoire6
FUTURE ACIN+ 0ENTAL REHEARSAL
!ental Rehearsal 7as put to the test in one study at e;as ( and !6 %ne group of medical students 7as taught to mentally practice venipuncture insertion of a needle into a vein in order to 7ithdra7 4lood for analysis or to start an intravenous dripM6 hese students performed the actual procedure dramatically 4etter after ust 0 minutes of mental rehearsal than their fello7 students 7ho simply follo7ed normal training methods6 3M his s5ill, mental rehearsal is fre:uently encountered among highly s5illed innovators and performers in many different fields6 he late Dr Christiaan Barnard, the $outh (frican heart transplant pioneer, once said, HBefore ' ever had a patient in front of me, '@d done the operation thousands of times6 $ome of those times 7ere to decide the 4est 7ay to proceed, 4ut 7hen '@d made up my mind a4out that, it 7as all a4out practice6 ' practiced it day and night6 't 7as there 7hen ' 7ent to sleep and in my dreams and 7hen ' 7o5e up again6 ' 7as completely familiar 7ith the procedure 4efore ' even 7al5ed into the %R6I 320M
0ENTALREHEARSAL +UIDELINES
he follo7ing guidelines are modeled on the processes of Christiaan Barnard and a 7ide range of other elite performers and 7ill help you to get the most from this s5ill6 O *hile you are learning to hone your mental rehearsal s5ills, eliminate as many distractions as possi4le6 !a5e yourself comforta4le and ta5e your time6 Before long, mental rehearsal 7ill 4ecome a s5ill you can use at short notice, any7here6 O Decide 7hether you are rehearsing a ne7, ongoing 4ehavior, or a finite response or s5ill you 7ish to loc5 in place6 O a5e a series of long, slo7 4reaths, ma5ing sure the e;halation is slightly longer than the inhalation6 O Rela;, scanning your 4ody and gently releasing all muscular tension6 O Create a dissociated movie of yourself using the ne7 4ehavior6 Be systematic during this process6 (pproach it as if you are scripting, directing, filming and editing a movie6 $nip un7anted scenes and replace them 7ith more desira4le se:uences until you have a detailed movie 7ith 7hich you are completely satisfied6 Do not ma5e it very vivid yet6 hat comes in the ne;t fe7 steps6
A NE4 BEHA5IOR RESONSE:
'f this is a ne7, finite response or s5ill you 7ish to ma5e permanent, step into the movie and run it in real time from an associated point of vie76 Do this several times, increasing the vividness of all the :ualities of your movie each time you ma5e a pass6 Pay special attention to the feelings 5inestheticsM of the e;perience6 (nchor your response until you are confident that you 7ill 4e a4le to re-e;perience all aspects of your ne7 s5ill or 4ehavior at 7ill6 $pend a fe7 minutes every night as you are drifting off to sleep, stepping into and running your movie6
ON+OIN+ BEHA5IOR:
'f this is an ongoing 4ehavior you are installing, follo7 all the steps a4ove6 hen, rather than remaining in the scenario, step 4ac5 out of the frame until you can see yourself in the movie on your future timeline, a fe7 steps in front of you6 O !a5e everything as vivid and compelling as possi4le6 (s you 7atch yourself in the movie, feel a strong pull as if you are dra7ing 4ac5 the string of a po7erful cross4o76 9no7 that any action you ta5e 7ith the intention of using your ne7 process 7ill release that 4o7string and precipitate you li5e an arro7 in your chosen direction6
0A-IN+ IT DIFFERENT AND BETTER
Despite the successes recorded 7ith future-pacing, 7e have al7ays 4een curious as to 7hy some people achieve the maority of their aspirations yet still fall a little short of their target6 his prompted a closer study of 4rain function as 7ell as additional e;perimentation6 %ur o4ective 7as to identify additional tactics that could amplify the effects of mental imagery6 he rest of this chapter introduces these advanced techni:uesTcritically important to those readers 7ho 7ish to ta5e their s5ills to a ne7 level6 !any people 7e 5no7 lac5 the drive to solve their o7n pro4lems6 hey have little vision, and are content to live their lives at the mercy of other people and e;ternal events6 his information is for the restTfor those 7ho 7ant to optimi
E.ERCISE #': NATURE=S BEAUT/
3M hin5 of a particularly 4eautiful sceneTa sunset, the s5y at night, a field full of flo7ers 4lo7ing gently in the 4ree
1M #;amine your mental image closely6
M "o7 different 7as your image from the usual picture postcard vie7 of a pleasant sceneA *as the sun you 7ere 7atching sin5 4elo7 the hori
he point of the a4ove e;ercise is to demonstrate the no matter ho7 vivid your imagination might 4e, this 5ind of thin5ing does little to change the architecture of your 4rain6 'n fact, the very difficulty your might e;perience in trying to visuali
*e 5no7 that in order to accelerate physical performance, 7e need to stress the 4ody and give it time to adapt6 (thletes in training routinely ta5e on handicaps, such as an5le-7eights or training sessions at higher altitudes, in order to force this process of adaptation6 hen, 7hen their handicap is removed, their performance ma5es a :uantum leap to a higher, level6 he shift, 4oth physical and in conscious a7areness, is profound and sometimes life-changing6
his process 7or5s mentally as 7ell6 ( gifted young tennis player came in for a motivational session a fe7 7ee5s 4efore her *im4ledon de4ut6 $he and her coach e;plained that everything a4out her game 7as e;emplary Te;cept for her speed6 #ven though she 7as e;tremely fit, she needed to increase her speed if she 7as to ma5e the most of this opportunity6 !ental imagery 7as included in her program leading up to the tournament6 $he played game after game, ensuring that every stro5e 7as perfect6 $he had po7er, focus and endurance6 hen she added the follo7ing dimension to her mental game6 H' imagine that '@m playing on the slopes of a volcano ust after an eruption6 "ot lava is a4out to s7allo7 me up, so ' have to 5eep moving6 ' have to move faster than '@ve ever moved 4efore 7hile still 7atching the 4all = H *ithin a very short time, o4servers, including her coach, noticed a mar5ed increase in her speed6 "er playing style 7as also noticea4ly different6 #ven though she appeared to others to 4e po7ering her 7ay through her opponents@ games, she remained calm and mentally rela;ed6 Hhe strange thing,I she said later, His that everything around me seems to slo7 do7n6 ' don@t really have a strong feeling that '@m speeding up6 But, sometimes ' react to something that ' haven@t even noticed consciously6 he game seems to 4e playing me, rather than the other 7ay around6I
CASE STUD/: THE BANNISTER EFFECT
Roger Bannister only 4ro5e the four-minute mile record after his coach refused to give him any feed4ac5 a4out his performance6 Bannister 4egan training himself, pushing hard against the 4arrier of the 7idespread 4elief that 4rea5ing the record 7as impossi4le6 Later, in descri4ing the process, he unconsciously revealed part of the strategy 7e have 4een ma5ing e;plicit6
(ll sporting events are more mental than physical, he said6 Physical training could 4e arduous, sometimes e;tending over years, laying do7n the patterns of the athlete@s performance in the 4rain6 he foundations might 4e 7ell esta4lished, 4ut the real :uestion, he 4elieved, 7as 7hether the athlete could allo7 the 4rain to do its 4it 7ithout interference6
Bannister emphasi
THE NE4 0ENTAL REHEARSAL
(dvanced mental rehearsal has three :ualities 4eyond simply practicing the desired s5ill, 4ehavior or response6 o increase effectiveness, the future-pace must O Be unusual O 'nvolve a handicap of sorts O Be carried out in t7o distinct stages6 his is ho7 it is done6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
E.ERCISE #(: RAISIN+ THE BAR
36 $tart 7ith a s5ill you already have and 7hich you 7ould li5e to improve6 Physical e;amples might 4e 5ic5ing for a martial artistM, stretching for an athlete or dancerM, lifting a certain 7eight for a 4ody4uilderM6
16 Create a movie of yourself or someone particularly adeptM carrying out the procedure6
!a5e the movie vivid, 7ith strong colors, sounds, and highly distinctive movements6 #dit as re:uired, until the s5ill is 4eing perfectly demonstrated6
6 *hen the movie is e;actly as you 7ant it, step associateM into the 4eginning6 (t this point you@re seeing through your o7n eyes, hearing through your o7n ears, and feeling through your o7n feelings6 Run the movie several times, ensuring that you effortlessly reach your goal6
26 No7, introduce a dramatic handicap6 he more 4i
level has 4een reset6
E6 Repeat the e;ercise many times, especially late at night6 Do not s5imp on the effort, and aways hit your target, regardless of ho7 challenging the handicap might 4e6 9eep increasing the handicap, and 5eep achieving your outcome 7ith precision and satisfaction6 est your progress fre:uently and 5eep trac5 of 7hatever you find different and 4etter6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
B#%R# !%+'NG %N % "# N#X C"(P#R, choose a physical s5ill you 7ould li5e to improveT5ic5ing higher in a martial art, strengthening your tennis 4ac5hand, etc6 >se the techni:ue a4ove to enhance your performance6 Be sure to test your 7or56 )ou can also use the same techni:ue to improve performance in other fields, such as pu4lic spea5ing6 Remem4er, 7hatever the handicap, your outcome must 4e consistently e;cellent6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
REFERENCES AND FOOTNOTES FOR CHATER FOURTEEN
336 Pascual-Leone (, Dang N, Cohen LG, Brasil-Neto P, Cammarota (, "allett ! 3EM !odulation of muscle responses evo5ed 4y transcranial magnetic stimulation during the ac:uisition of ne7 fine motor s5ills6 ournal of Neurophysiology, +ol6 .2, 'ssue , pp 30.-302E
316 )ue Guang, Cole 9 31M $trength increases from the motor program comparison training 7ith ma;i-mal voluntary and imagined muscle contractions6 ournal of Neurophysiology F.EM 3332-1 36 !edina 100M Brain Rules 31 Principles for $urviving and hriving at *or5, "ome and $chool, $eattle, *( Pear Press 326 Ru4y P, & Decety 6 #ffect of su4ective perspective ta5ing during simulation of action a P# investigation of agency6 Nature Neuroscience 2, E2F - EE0 1003M
3E6 Pham LB, aylor $# 3M rom hought to (ction #ffects of Process- versus %utcomeBased !ental simulations on Performance6 Personality and $ocial Psychology Bulletin, 1E, pp 1E0-1F0 3F6 %ettingen G, *adden ( 1001M C !otivating unction of hin5ing (4out the uture #;pectations +ersus antasies6 ournal of Personality and $ocial Psychology, /, pp 33/ ? 131 3.6 '4id6 3/6 #t5in (, Pittenger C, Polan ", 9andel #R 100EM6 o7ard a neuro4iology of psychotherapy Basic science and clinical applications6 ournal of Neuropsychiatry and Clinical Neurosciences, 3. 32E-E/ 36 "utson, ! Psychology oday !aga
CHATER FIFTEEN: BRIN+IN+ IT ALL TO+ETHER
'n this chapter O he dangers of not-doing
O Be suspicious of certainty O a5ing inventory O he Being "appy algorithm for change6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
rying consciously to change 7ithout a system is a recipe for failure6 'f it 7or5ed simply to decide you 7ere going to stop che7ing your nails, :uit smo5ing, lose your an;iety or drop thirty pounds, you 7ould have done it 4y no76 his is the pro4lem 7ith much of the physical and psychological health advice handed out to people 4y the professionals today you need to eat less, e;ercise more, rela;, give up the cigarettes and remem4er your five-a-day = Psychologists and self-help gurus often tell their patients and clients to stop living in the past, let go of 7hat happened6 he pro4lem is they neglect to tell their patients ho7 to do it6
THE DAN+ERS OF NOTDOIN+M
!uch of the advice people are given and give themselvesM is phrased negatively6 By this, 7e do not mean they are not thin5ing positively6 *hat 7e mean is they are trying to get rid of a pro4lem 4y not doing something6 rying to not-do a thought or action can paraly
he pro4lem 7ith negation is your 4rain has first to ma5e the picture of the action e6g6 dropping the mil5M, and then someho7, negate itT4y 7hich time, it is often too late6 Creating change follo7s the same principle6 't re:uires that you do rather than you try to not-do things6 't re:uires that you have clear alternative outcomes to7ards 7hich your 4rain can move e6g6 Hhat@s rightT hold the mil5 carefully6 Good 4oyI
+arious approaches try to get people to unlearn negative patterns6 hese re:uire that the thin5er challenge the thoughts that cause the feelings and 4ehavior6 (side from 4eing incredi4ly 4oring and time-consuming, 7hat these systems lac5 is an alternative direction or outcome made compelling 4y the 5ind of customi
*hile NLP has developed techni:ues that e;ploit this tendency, you should al7ays 4e a7are of 7hen you are doing it6 *hen you catch yourself tal5ing a4out your parts@ Tthe part that is upset, angry or insecureTimmediately as5 yourself :uestions li5e H"o7 do ' 5no7 part of me is upsetAI H*hat@s happening inside 7hen ' 4ecome a7are of thatAI
hese :uestions 7ill reveal the structure and process of your e;perience in terms of the su4modalities you@re using and the order in 7hich they occur6
$uppose you ans7er the :uestion, H"o7 do you 5no7 you are depressedAI 7ith, H*ell, ' 7a5e up in the morning 7ith this gray cloud handing over me, and ' tell myself, %h, no, here ' go again@, and then ' get this empty feeling in my gut and it@s as if '@m stuc5 and can@t drag myself out of 4ed =I rom the a4ove response you have valua4le information a4out structure and process su4modalities, as 7ell as a fe7 hints a4out ho7 you might change6 he picture gray cloudM has to 4e follo7ed 4y the self-tal5 H"ere ' go againI and t7o 5inesthetics empty gut and 4eing stuc5 in 4edM6 )ou have confirmed that in order for you to have the e;perience you call H4eing depressedI, these components must 4e present each time and in precisely the same order6 *hat 7ould happen if you systematically change the grey cloud to a pin5 oneA %r ma5e it more translucent, 7ith the sun coming through from 4ehindA "o7 7ould things 4e different if you choose to reframe the feeling in your gut as healthy hunger, and it prompted you to hop out of 4ed and ma5e yourself a delicious and nourishing 4rea5fastA "o7 7ould things change if you simply scram4le the order in 7hich these steps occurA %ne depressive client reported feeling H4lueI ust a4out all the time6 his 7as a pattern he pic5ed up from the phrases used 4y his mother 7hen he 7as youngTHfeeling 4lueI, meaning unhappy, Hin the pin5I, meaning feeling fit and 7ell6 "o7ever, he :uite literally put a 4lue cast over the pictures he made of everything he did6 *hen that 7as removed, his mood lifted6
THE I0ORTANCE OF SE,UENCE
(nother 7ay in 7hich people often fail to change patterns lies in the se:uencing of 7hat they do6 #ven if they 5no7 ho7 to do something differently in principle, they might start something too early, too late, or at the 7rong point in the chain of actions needed to ma5e a particular strategy 7or56 rying to do things too :uic5ly 7hen 7e should 4e slo7ing do7n is a symptom of our times6 he microchip and everything developed from it represents one of the greatest technical achievements of all time6 "o7ever, a gro7ing dependence on the computer to find instant solutions, ma5e connections, carry out calculations and 4uy things instantly has a do7nside6 $ome researchers 4elieve this relationship 7ith the computer is 7ea5ening some of the 4rain@s neural circuitry, preventing people from planning far ahead or se:uencing their actions in order to
achieve an outcome6 $ome even suggest that t7eeting, te;ting and ultra-dependence on information delivered in sound 4ites is affecting the a4ility to interact socially, creating a 5ind of pseudo-(sperger@s $yndrome6 322M %n the other hand, learning to drive your o7n feelings, responses and 4ehavior systematically 4uilds these resources, literally changing the architecture of your 4rain6 Part of the secret of doing this effectively is learning to pay attention to 7hat matters, including doing things in the correct order6 Given the apparently unlimited processing po7er of the 4rain, it is easy to rely on our a4ility to carry out several comple; actions at the same time6 #;cept, in practice, multi-tas5ing, as it is more commonly 5no7n, is a myth6 rying to do more than one thing at a time, some scientists 4elieve, causes the stress hormone, cortisol to rage through your system6 'f this is prolonged, you may even suffer chronic damage to the neural structures of your 4rain6 People, especially 7omen 7ho 4elieve they can multi-tas5, are in fact s7itching rapidly 4et7een tas5s6 32EM his does not mean they are doing any of theses tas5s 4etter than, or even as 7ell as they 7ould if 7or5ing on one activity at a time6 (ccording to >niversity of California Professor Russell Poldrac5, information 7e ta5e in 7hile multi-tas5ing goes into the striatum6 his is an area of the 4rain associated 7ith learning ne7 s5ills, 4ut from 7hich it is difficult to e;tract facts and ideas6 'f 7e attend to one thing at a time 7ithout distraction, information travels to the hippocampus, a region 4etter speciali
/OUR 0ENTAL SA0 FILTER
'f you log on to your email account 7ithout some 5ind of protection against un7anted mail, your system suddenly starts to run slo7 as it goes do7n under the 7eight of hundreds of messages6
But, if you install a :uality spam filter, your trou4les are minimi
FLUSHIN+ THE CACHE
!ore than E0 years ago, it 7as 4elieved that individuals 7ere capa4le of storing 4et7een five and nine chun5s of information in their short-term memory at any one time6 3E0M $ince then, more refined analysis sho7s the num4er is li5ely to 4e a lot smaller, as fe7 as four chun5s of information6 3E3M his supports our proposal that the mental cache needs a regular flushing to 5eep a 4rain running smoothly6 %ver the years, 7e have found a num4er of strategies that many hundreds of clients have found useful in improving their mental and physical 7ell-4eing6 "ere are a fe7 that you can apply immediately to start to improve your 4rain function so you can process information faster, remem4er 4etter, and generally thin5 more clearly6`
+et eno2gh s7eep
'nade:uate or interrupted sleep can cause a 7ide range of pro4lems, ranging from depression and o4esity to cancer and ype '' dia4etes6 u<
+et reg27ar e
)ou 5no7 your muscles get 7ea5 and flaccid if you do not get enough e;erciseT4ut, so does your mind6 Regular physical e;ercise is as effective as medication in treating maor depression among middle-aged and elderly patients6 $imultaneously, regular e;ercise has 4een sho7n to improve mental a4ilities6 3E2M "o7 much or ho7 little is up to you6 Researcher ames Blumenthal and his colleagues discovered the actual duration of e;ercise does not seem to matter6 $imply e;ercising regularly is 7hat appears to ma5e the difference6
Eat proper7y
he relationship 4et7een 7hat you eat and ho7 you thin5 is comple; and often confusing6 Broadly spea5ing, a diet high in un5Ttoo much sugar, salt, fat and unrefined car4ohydratesT drains energy from all systems, including from your cognitive processes6 (lthough the 4rain accounts for ust t7o percent of adult 4ody 7eight, it re:uires an enormous amount of energy6 Blood-flo7 needs to 4e ade:uate for you to 4e a4le to thin5, reason and create6 herefore, it figures that the fuel you put into your 4ody should 4e of high :uality6 't should 4e ade:uate to promote optimum health, 4ut not so much as to trigger the 7ide range of degenerative diseases associated 7ith eating too much6 3EEM
La2gh 3ore
"umor is an essentially tool of positive change6 ( little gentle goading, done 7ith good rapport, can achieve 7onders6 (s agents of change, 7e never try to diagnose people or to treat someone else@s diagnosis6 *e are trying to ma5e diagnoses 7rong6 'f people come in and say they are depressed, 7e 7ant them laughing as :uic5ly as possi4le so that every time they thin5 a4out 4eing depressed, they 4urst out laughing6 Not every4ody has a sense of humor, so not every4ody can use humor6 But 7e the authorsM use it all the time, 4ecause 7e thin5 it is important that people learn to laugh at their o7n 4eliefs and difficulties6 (t precisely the moment they start to laugh, they create a chemical foundation on 7hich to 4uild change6 People instinctively feel 4etter 7hen they laugh6 he definitive study on laughing, health and 7ell4eing has yet to 4e done6 *hat 7e 5no7 is that laughing can improve 4lood flo7, help you fight off infection, sta4ili
endorphins 4y 1.S and your human gro7th hormone "G"M levels 4y a massive /.S6 3E.M
Ta8e ti3e to p7ay
Play is not only fun, 4ut is necessary for you to 4ecome smarter, more rela;ed and 4etter a4le to solve pro4lems6 't may also save your life and that of those around you6 (fter Charles *hitman clim4ed the to7er on the >niversity of e;as@s (ustin campus and shot 2F people in 3FF, psychiatrist $tuart Bro7n set out to find out 7hat the 5iller had in common 7ith other people also convicted of mass murder6 hough 4ac5grounds 7ere different, t7o crucial similarities emerged6 he maority came from a4usive environments, and they never learned to play6 3E/M Play, it seems, is crucial to our childhood development and in maintaining health and 7ell-4eing in later life6 o ma;imi
3M Bo1y p7ay physical activity you do to enoy, not 4ecause you 7ant to 7in or need to lose 7eight 1M O9ect p7ay li5e painting, sculpting, simply @messing around@ the 7ay 5ids love to finger-paint M Socia7 p7ay including hanging out 7ith other people, chatting, de4ating, flirting or pitting mental 7its simply for the fun of it6 3EM
C7ose open 7oops
Leaving tas5s unfinished, 7hether you consciously remem4er them or not, can create an;iety, ranging from mild to e;treme6 3F0M hese open loops@ a re 7hat help 4usy 7aiters remem4er unfilled orders 4ut, they can also cause pro4lems for people trying unsuccessfully to multi-tas5, clogging up and slo7ing do7n the entire system6 *hen 7or5ing 7ith stressed-out 4usinessmen, it sometimes helps to have them go through all the motor activities of the dayTopening and closing dra7ers, ta5ing out and putting 4ac5 files, lifting the telephone and hanging up again, and so on6 his helps to counteract the cumulative effect of all the interrupted and unfinished tas5s of the day6 rom time to time, revie7 your o7n life6 !a5e a list of unfinished tas5s, eliminating those that really do not need to 4e done, and prioriti
Learn to 3e1itate
Continuing our computer analogy, meditation can 4e thought of as a hard re4oot, an operation to reset the system 7ithout eliminating saved data and soft7are 4y clearing out the R(! and superfluous information not saved6
Daily meditation sessions have 4een sho7n 7ithin a relatively short time to improve attention 7hile diminishing an;iety, depression, anger, and fatigue6 #nergy, 4oth mental and physical, improves stress-related cortisol levels drop, and your immune system comes 4ac5 on line6 3F3M %f all the cache-flushing strategies, meditation is argua4ly the most important6 or relatively little investment of time and effort although consistency and repetition are critical for good resultsM, the 4enefits of meditation e;tend across multiple areas of your life see (ppendi; CM6
BELIEF AND DETER0INATION
)ou need to develop the appropriate attitude to ma5e all this 7or56 )ou deserve this6 he secret of success lies in 4ecoming determined to succeed6 %ften people are not a4le to act more resourcefully simply 4ecause they simply don@t 5no7 ho76 9no7ing you have choices and committing to the pursuit of those choices propels you for7ard in your personal development6 he simple 7ay to cran5 up your determination is 36 #sta4lish the su4-modalities of the something you 5no7 you 7ill achieve 4ecause you are determined to do so 16 Do the same 7ith the su4-modalities of something you 7ant to achieve 6 !a5e the su4-modalities of t7o, the same as those of one6 't is important to do this rapidly 7hen ma5ing this sort of change6 )our 4rain learns :uic5ly6 Give up the idea no7 that learning has to 4e slo7 and arduous6 'f information is presented too slo7ly, the 4rain cannot detect a pattern6 'f you 7atched a movie one frame a day, you 7ouldn@t 4e a4le to understand anything a4out the production6 Patterns only ma5e sense 7hen they run :uic5ly6 %ne of the earliest tools developed in NLP, referred to as the $7ish Pattern, uses t7o fundamental a4ilities of the 4rainTto change su4ective e;perience 4y altering the :ualities of the mental imagery, and, to ma5e these changes rapidly6 he $7ish Pattern 7as developed to move people from their present state into a desired state6 't is simple and it 7or5s6 a5e a moment no7 and set things up so that your desire to 4e successful at learning ho7 to optimi
this 4oo5M 4ecomes a determination to do so6 'f necessary, refer 4ac5 to the section on changing 4eliefs6 !a5e sure you ta5e on the :ualities of enthusiasm, curiosity and unsha5a4le resolve6 %nce you understand the mechanics of change, you 7ill 4egin to understand ho7 some people can move in a matter of moments from sic5 to 7ell, depressed to cheerful, an;ious to deeply rela;ed6
ust 4ecause you 4elieve something does not ma5e it true6 he techni:ues of NLP, particularly managing the pictures you ma5e in your head and their su4-modalities, provide the means for you to revie7 your 4eliefs, decide 7hich of them are useful and 7orth 5eeping and to identify those that 7ould 4enefit your life if changed6 he things you 4elieve are structured differently from the things you do not 4elieve6 his means that 7hen you change your mind-setTfor e;ample, from s5epticism to 4elieving that putting everything in this 4oo5 into practice is surprisingly easy and enoya4leTyou can move on to setting up your personal formula for change6 (n algorithm is often defined as a precise set of rules that 7hen applied in a particular se:uence, can systematically move something from one state to another6 *hile the Being "appy algorithm 4elo7 might appear structured and se:uential, it is highly fle;i4le due to the range of situations to 7hich it can 4e applied6 he steps remain the same6 he content can 4e different6 *ith this and all effective NLP approaches, success lies in close o4servation, careful preparation and systematic e;ecution6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
0ASTER E.ERCISE #): The Being Happy a7gorith3 for change
36 )our time line6 #nsure that you have organi
16 Design your outcome6 Be systematic6 !a5e sure you are using all sensory modalities6 !a5e your timeline as richly appealing and as detailed as possi4le6 !a5e sure you focus on 7hat you 7ant to have happen, rather than on 7hat you do not 7ant to happen6 Do this before you revie7 any pro4lem you might 4e dealing 7ith6 his is very important6 'f you start 4y accessing your pro4lem state, you ris5 getting stuc5 in negativity6
6 'dentify 7hatever stands in the 7ay of accomplishing your goal in step t7o6 's it a 4elief or a 4ehaviorA "o7 do you 5no7 it is thereA 'dentify the su4-modalities notice the se:uence of the segments 7hen the pro4lem e;perience occurs6
26 Resolve or remove the o4stacle6 Refer to your inventory in step three for clues6 Revie7 the second part of this 4oo5 for the appropriate principles or techni:ues6
E6 Place your desired outcome on your future time line and practice your ne7 4elief, 4ehavior or response6 $ee Chapter 32 to refresh yourself on mental rehearsal a nd future-pacing6
F6 est in the real 7orld6 (l7ays try out your ne7 responses and 4ehaviors in the real 7orld, and 5eep notes of 7hat is different and 4etter in your life6 'gnore 7hat you have not yet accomplished6 ocus on identifying your achievements, ho7ever 4ig or small, and 4uilding on those6 Be o4sessive a4out crediting yourself 7ith the a4ility to change and gro76 Do not 4e surprised if good things happen sooner than you thin56 !ost people 4elieve they have to struggle, or that change ta5es a long time6 'n reality it is the floundering a4out, the messing around and failing to commit to change, that ta5es up time change itself can happen almost instantly if it is set up correctly and you are determined to follo7 through6
KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
No7 you 5no7 ho7 to create a life centered on Being "appy6 Do not 7aste your time trying to change until you have made yourself e;tremely determined6 hen apply that determination 7here it really matters6 (t the 4eginning of this 4oo5 7e identified the conditions of Being "appy as accounta4ility, proactivity, sensory acuity and adapta4ility6 *e said you needed all four of these characteristics in order to organi
Revie7 these :ualities no7 and decide 7hich you can 7or5 on first6 his 7ill clear the 7ay so that you can ma5e even more far-reaching changes along the line6 Do not surrender to diagnoses, such as clinical depression or Post-raumatic $tress Disorder6 !ost people 7ho have 4een traumati
are doing HinsecurityI6 "o7ever, once you understand the process you can mentally shift things from one state to a more desira4le one6 (nother e;ample some people are a4solutely certain that they are unlova4le6 Because of this, they 7ill rarely go out and try to meet people6 *hen they do, they 7ill almost al7ays 4e 7rac5ed 7ith fear and dou4t6 *e thin5 it is funny ho7 certain some people can 4e a4out their dou4tTand, as soon as they understand that to have dou4t, they must have certainty, things 4egin to change6 )ou have to 4e really sure you have dou4t in order for it to 4e a pro4lem6 'f this descri4es you, then you are no7 in a position to find out 7hat you are certain a4out and start to give yourself dou4t a4out your limitations, and certainty a4out the things you 7ant6 *hen a client 7al5s in the door, 7e do not ar4itrarily set a4out trying to change him or her6 here is a certain amount of preparation that 7e doTand this is 7hat you also need to do6 )ou need to ta5e inventory so that you 5no7 7here your assets and your lia4ilities are located6 9no7ing these means you can move things around, from the lia4ilities location to 7herever you store your assets6 $ometimes, you need to e;amine very closely 7hat you consider to 4e assets in case stupidity has crept in6 'n this case, move them directly into the lia4ilities location6 'n short, if you find yourself e;tremely solemn and certain a4out something and you are very dismissive a4out people 7ho do not share your 4eliefs, stop6 #;amine 7hat you are thin5ing and feeling very closely6 his may 4e the very area in 7hich you need to change6 (4ove all, hen yo2 fin1 yo2rse7f hesitating, even though you really 7ant a particular change, yo2 nee1 to act
Tand act no76 'f you must procrastinate, procrastinate a4out putting things off6 *elcome to Being "appy6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
RESOURCES AND FOOTNOTES FOR CHATER FIFTEEN
3226 $mall G 100M '4rain $urviving the echnological (lteration of the !odern !ind6 Ne7 )or5 "arper Paper4ac5s 32E6 httpJJ7776dailymail6co6u5JhealthJarticle-310EFFJ's-multi-tas5ing-4ad-4rain-#;perts-revealhidden-perils-uggling-o4s6html 32F6 '4id6
32.6 odd , !arois R Posterior parietal corte; activity predicts individual differences in visual short-term memory capacity6 Cogn (ffect Behav Neurosci 100E E322-3EE 32/6 !cNa4 , 9ing4erg , Prefrontal corte; and 4asal ganglia control access to 7or5ing memory, Nature Neuroscience 33, 30 - 30. 100/M
326 Du; P#, om4u !N, "arrison $, Rogers BP, ong , !arois R, raining 'mproves !ultitas5ing Performance 4y 'ncreasing the $peed of 'nformation Processing in "uman Prefrontal Corte;, Neuron, +olume F, 'ssue 3, 31.-3/, 3F uly 100 3E06 !iller, G6 (6 3EFM6 he magical num4er seven, plus or minus t7o $ome limits on our capacity for processing information6 Psychological Revie7, F, /3-.6 3E36 Co7an N6 he magical num4er 2 in short-term memory a reconsideration of mental storage capacity6 Behavioral Brain $ci6 1003 e412 3M/.-332 3E16 httpJJ7776magicinpractice6comJ4logJ21-the-diseases-of-sleeplessness-and-a-freeresource-for-our-readers 3E6 !ednic5 $C, Na5ayama 9, Cantero L, (tienniversity6 %nline report httpJJ7776physorg6comJne7sF10.26html 3E/6 *enner !, he $erious Need for Play6 $cientific (merican !ind, +ol 10, No 3, pp 11-1
3E6 Brol7n $ 100M Play6+ista C( (very 3F06 eigarni5, B6 3F.M6 %n finished and unfinished tas5s6 'n *6 D6 #llis #d6M, ( source4oo5 of Gestalt psychology, Ne7 )or5 "umanities press6 3F36 ang )-), an ), eng $, Lu Y, )u Y, $ui D, Roth4art !9, an !, Posner !', $hort-term meditation training improves attention and self-regulation, PN($, %cto4er 1, 100. vol6 302 no6 2 3.3E1-3.3EF KKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
EILO+UE ust do it =no7 !ultiple conditions compete for the position of Disease of our ime, 4ut if 7e had to choose one, it 7ould 4e hesitation6 hin5 of the num4er of e;periences you have missed out on, simply 4ecause you failed to act decisively 7hen that 7indo7 of opportunity opened6 No dou4t you have lots of e;cuses Hhe time 7asn@t right6I H' didn@t have the resources6I H' didn@t 7ant to give up my security,I (nd so on666
Loo5ing 4ac5, are you really happy that you failed to actA
he most important message 7e 7ant you to ta5e a7ay from this 4oo5 is if you are finally sic5 and tired of 4eing sic5 and tired, the time has come to stop putting off everything you have 4een putting off6 Life-planners and life coaches seem to 4elieve the 4igger and uicier the goal, the more appealing it is6 %f course, you 5no7 4y no7 that the 4igger the goal, the greater the gap 4et7een 7here you are and 7here you 7ant to 4e6 (s a result of reading this 4oo5 you 5no7 that to esta4lish a direction to your life, you must design smaller goals to function as mar5ers to 5eep you on trac56 )ou reali
*hy must you pass through these particular statesA rustration is an e;tremely useful launchpad for achievement provided you don@t allo7 yourself to stay stuc5 in that state6 'f you@re sufficiently frustrated, you@ll 4ecome impatient for change6 'f you design your outcome systematically and 7ithin the parameters previously discussed, simple desire transforms into lust6
Lust can 4e a good thing6 *hen the lust 4uilds to an almost un4eara4le point, all you need to do is let go6 $nap $7oosh=li5e an arro7
E.ERCISE $*: O5ERCO0IN+ HESITATION
36 hin5 of 7hat "esitation really means to you6
hin5 of a time you hesitated perhaps 7hen you 7ere thin5ing a4out :uitting smo5ing, starting an e;ercise program or ma5ing a phone call you did not 7ant to ma5eM6 "o7 does hesitating loo5, feel and sound to youA Be specific6 (s soon as it feels real@, anchor it 5inesthetically say, 7ith a touch on one 5nuc5leM6
16 !ove 4ac5 in time to some of you 5ey moments of hesitation and regret6 (mplify the anchor for each event and stac5 them in the same place6
6 (nchor the ne;t three statesTfrustration, impatience, 7anton desireTin turn6 Recall e;amples from your past of e;periences representing each of these three states see, hear and feel them as if they 7ere happening right no76 Ne;t, anchor each in a different location6
26 *hen you access and anchor the G% %R ' state, use su4-modalities to amplify your response6
hin5 of a time 7hen you ust 7ent for 7hat you 7anted6 !a5e the final state of action highly specific and e;tremely po7erful6 't must literally involve you getting up and going to7ard an o4ective6 $teep yourself in that e;perience amplify its su4-modalities6 No7 anchor it6
E6 his fifth step involves a process 7e call chaining6 Chaining lin5s your anchors together so that firing the first sets off the others in :uic5 succession6 his 7ill push you into a strong, focused, highly targeted G% %R ' state of mind6 a6 (s you fire the first anchor, thin5 of all the times 7hen you stopped yourself from doing 7hat you really 7anted to do 46 %nce you access this state, fire the second anchor6 "old 4oth anchors for a moment release the first anchor c6 (s your response s7itches from anchor num4er one to anchor num4er t7o, fire off anchor num4er three d6 est again6 ire anchor num4er one 7hen it triggers anchor t7o and follo7ed 4y anchor three, fire anchor num4er four6 e6 Repeat until firing the first anchor automatically drives your e;perience through all other anchors and directly into your G% %R ' state6 Note )ou may find this e;ercise easier to do 7ith a friend6 $hould you continue to have difficulty,
consult a suita4ly :ualified and e;perienced NLP practitioner6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P Psychologists classify the act of learning as state-specific6 his means that the ne7 response or 4ehavior needs to generali
o achieve this mastery, simply thin5 of three to five situations in the future 7here moving from hesitation to G% %R ' 7ould 4e a useful response then fire your anchors 7hile mentally rehearsing the details of the transitions until you are fully comforta4le 7ith the prospect of con:uering hesitation6 here are times 7hen hesitation is good6 't acts as an early-7arning system, that feeling in your gut that tells you to 4e 7ary of a certain deal, not to enter a stranger@s home, or to call a ca4 rather than accept a ride6 his is not the type of hesitation you 7ant to minimi
4RAIN+ U
No7, 4efore you finish this 4oo5, ans7er this :uestion "ave you ever 4een in a really deep tranceA *e thin5 of trance ? good trance, that is ? as a learning state an opportunity to allo7 information to flo7 in effortlessly, and to ta5e on ne7 4ehaviors as smoothly as possi4le6 #very time you did one of the e;ercises in this 4oo5, you 7ent inside into a 5ind of trance 7hen you 4ecome a4sor4ed in a 4oo5 or a movie to the point 7here it ta5es a moment or t7o to reali
your unconscious ta5es you into a deep enough trance for you to have some really po7erful feelings ? including a feeling of great urgencyA %f course, all feelings are important in some 7ay or another, 4ut, if you have one that@s attached to a voice that says, H(ah = no, not no7 ? laterI, then it means you can put things off6
(nd, of course, there are some things you should put off ? dying, for e;ample ? is one of those things you shouldn@t get around to for :uite a 7hile yet6 %r getting sic5, or falling off cliffs, or ma5ing hasty decisions you@re 4ound to regret = But, on the other hand, there are those feelings, such as the one 7hen you s7im under 7ater and you feel the need to 4reathe and you struggle 7ith every fi4er of your soul to ma5e sure your head 4rea5s through the top of the 7ater - that\s a sense of urgency - and it\s not a particular pleasant feeling sometimes, 4ut it doesn@t really matter 7hether it\s pleasant or unpleasant, 4ecause you feel driven to ta5e that 4reath and fill your lungs 7ith air6 ust to 4reathe in and all the 7ay out = No7, for us, there@s another feeling that accompanies the a4ility to loo5 at something you need to 4e a4le to do - and to feel a little 4it stronger, a sense of urgency, 4ecause if you see your ta4le piling up 7ith unpaid 4ills, or 4oo5s you never read, or music you never listen to, you can imagine ho7 you@d 4e at ninety years old and loo5ing 4ac5 at your life and feeling stupid, really stupid, at all the time and money and energy you 7asted then 7hen you could do everything and have everything, no76 Because, you see, 7hen you reali
the days and 7ee5s ahead, you find yourself propelled into finishing more and more things and having a greater sense of satisfaction and surprise, 4ecause, not only 7ill you loo5 at your unfinished tas5s and finish them, 4ut you@ll go through all the proects on your list and decide 7hich are 7orth finishing and 7hich can 4e thro7n out, 4ecause they ust don@t matter any more = R'C"(RD B(NDL#R (ND G(RN#R "%!$%N KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
!* ,UIC- FI.ES TO CLEAR /OUR HEADP LIFT /OUR 0OODP AND I0RO5E /OUR ERFOR0ANCE
$ometimes you 7ill not have the time to run through an entire e;ercise6 (t other times, your energy levels may feel depleted, ma5ing it difficult to initiate or resume the 7hole Being "appy process6 he follo7ing scientifically grounded :uic5 fi;es@ are designed to help you og yourself out of your inertia and get going again6 *hile they are all highly effective short-term interventions, they are not intended to replace the program presented in this 4oo56
36 'f you are emotionally stuc5 a6 Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth for three minutes, ma5ing the out4reath slightly longer than the in-4reath6 46 (s5 your unconscious for a solution to, or relief from, your pro4lem, and then move your eyes in large circles, cloc57ise and counter-cloc57ise 7hile counting out loud from E0 to one6
c6 $hift your position6 B(C9 % %P
16 o cur4 an impulse to snac5 Revie7 in detail your last meal6 Remem4er the tastes, smells, appearance etc, of the foods you ate6 Replaying a previous meal rather than fantasi
6 'f you are depressed $ome 5inds of depression are related to functional 4rain asymmetry meaning the right and left hemispheres are not functioning coherently6 3FM $ince physical movements on one side of your 4ody activate the opposite side of your 4rain, 7e suggest adding such movements to anything else you@re doing to deal 7ith your condition6 $ome suggestions O hro7 a tennis 4all from hand to hand6 Gradually 7iden the gap6 Practice doing it 7ith your eyes shut6 O !arch 7ith 5nees lifted high6 ouch opposite hand to opposite 5nee 7ith each step6 B(C9 % %P
26 o improve your physical performance al5 to yourself6 #ven simple, positive self-tal5 H' can ump highIM has 4een sho7n to improve the strength and endurance of athletes, an indication that ver4ali
B(C9 % %P
E6 o drive 4etter and more safely
Give yourself a running commentary as you drive, noting mar5ings, signs, road :uality, possi4le ha
F6 o get an irritating tune out of your head People, especially those prone to o4sessive-compulsive 4ehavior, often complain that a tune gets stuc5 in their heads and they can@t get rid of it6 "e44@s Postulate, HNeurons that fire together, 7ire togetherI, 3F.M also 7or5s in reverse Neurons that fire apart, 7ire apart6 9ill the annoying tune 4y deli4erately running the song in your head6 $imultaneously, sing random notes aloud, or even another tune, if you feel really up for a challenge6 *ithin moments, the irritating song 7ill fade out of your a7areness6 B(C9 % %P
.6 o reduce daydreaming and improve your memory Doodle 7hile listening to a spea5er 7hose tal5 you 7ant to recall6 Doodlers in randomi
/6 o change your mood from do7n to up
a6 $imply recall the details of a happy e;perience in as much detail as possi4le6 46 Pay attention to all sensory details, 4ut especially the visual aspects6 c6 (nchor the response6 his vintage NLP techni:ue has 4een found to 4e rooted in scientific fact6 $ince 7e tend to remem4er sad or depressing e;periences 7hen 7e are feeling do7n, 7e suggest ma5ing a list of positive memories 7hen you@re in a good mood, to refer to 7hen you are not6 3FM B(C9 % %P
6 Build a Being "appy mindset in 0 seconds $pend 3E seconds t7ice a day recalling in detail a pleasant e;perience from the day 4efore6 his can give a 3ES instant 4oost in cheerfulness6 3.0M *e suggest ma5ing this a daily ha4it6 B(C9 % %P
306 'f you need a :uic5 4oost $it up6 !ore than thirty years since e;plorers in the field of NLP first o4served that 4ody posture directly influenced mood, researchers have confirmed that sitting 7ith your 4ac5 erect and chest pushed out does instantly lift your mood and ma5e you feel more confident6 $u4ects as5ed to list their 4est or 7orst :ualities 7ere found to 4e affected 4y 7hether they sat upright, or, in 7hat the researchers called a Hdou4tful postureIT7ith their spines curved and chest slumped6 3.3M B(C9 % %P KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
AENDI. A
ANCHORS AND ANCHORIN+
(n anchor is a trigger, or stimulus that evo5es a specific response6 't may 4e set in any of your five senses6 (nchors occur in the form of 7ords, physical touches or actions, sights, and, particularly certain sounds and smells thin5 a4out your reaction 7hen you hear Hyour songI playing on the radio, or, smell coo5ies, 4a5ing 4read, or, ne7ly cut grassM6 $ometimes they may occur internally and are triggered 4y 7ords, self-tal5, imagery or sensations6 Language represents the most commonly encountered form of anchor6 $ince the description the 7ordM is not the thing is descri4es, it must trigger associations to a greater or lesser degree thus prompting the listener to ma5e sense of 7hat@s 4eing said6 (nchors may 4e set accidentally or deli4erately overtly, or, covertly6 (nchors can 4e rapidly installed, as 7ith the Hone-pass learningI e;perienced 4y some pho4ics, or, over a period of time, through gradual conditioning6 $ome may 4e geneticTe6g6, the response to a 4a4y@s smile6 he firing of an anchor may have a positive or a negative effect on the su4ect6 (nchoring is used in NLP as a techni:ue to facilitate state management, either 4y a practitioner or 4y the su4ect himself6 o this end, a strong, 5no7n and desired state is set up and deli4erately attached to a trigger6 his facilitates refle;ive access to the desired state at 7ill6 #ffective anchors need to meet several criteria6 hey must 4e O >ni:ue and specific in the same place, using the same intensity of touch, volume, tonality, etcM, other7ise conditioning 7ill not occur O $et ust as the response pea5s, to avoid anchoring the state as it su4sides O Refreshed, to minimi
and O Collapsed t7o dissimilar anchors fired simultaneously 7ith the intention of either neutrali
E.ERCISE $!: SETTIN+ AN ANCHOR
36 Remem4er a time 7hen you e;perienced a particularly heightened, positive emotionToy, 4liss, e;citement, etc6 16 Recreate that e;perience as fully as possi4le6 $ee 7hat you sa76 "ear 7hat you heard and feel 7hat you felt6 6 'ntensify these feeling6 Notice the direction your feelings move6 $pin this feeling faster and faster6 'ncrease the intensity of the other su4-modalities, 4rightening the colors, 4ringing the image closer, etc6 26 (s the feeling 4egins to pea5, firmly press the 4ac5 of your hand, or, 4ring the thum4 and forefinger of one hand firmly together6 hen, let go, ust 4efore you sense the feeling su4siding6 E6 Change your position 4rea5 the stateM6 est the anchor 4y repeating the action e;actly the same 7ay as 4efore6 Notice ho7 the srcinal response returns6 F6 Repeat, if necessary, until the anchor is relia4ly in place6 .6 Refresh your anchor regularly to ensure it lasts6 (lthough a 7ell-set anchor 7ill pro4a4ly last a long time, anchors may lose their potency if not used6
Note: )ou can stac5 anchors 4 y lin5ing several responses to the same trigger6 he response 7ill
4e a synthesis of all the separate anchors, 4ut should 4e more intensely e;perienced than any of them individually6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
*hen a simple response is causing pro4lems something li5e irritation at the sound of some4ody else@s cell phone ringingM, the anchor may 4e effectively collapsed6
E.ERCISE $": COLLASIN+ ANCHORS
36 'dentify a response you@d prefer to have in place of the un7anted response6 'dentify an occasion 7here you strongly e;perienced that preferred state6 $tep into this memory and intensify it6 (nchor it on one part of your 4ody6 ire the anchor to ma5e sure that the state is po7erful and the anchor properly set6 Change state 4y shifting 4ody position, humming a tune, loo5ing around the room, and so on6 16 Ne;t thin5 of the state you 7ish to change6 (s you re-e;perience this undesira4le response, anchor it on another part of your 4ody6 est, then change state 4y shifting your physical position6 6 *hen you@ve tested to ma5e sure each anchor is properly set, fire 4oth simultaneously6 he effect of the t7o contrasting anchors integrating is usually mildly confusing6 "old the anchors until any confusion su4sides6 26 $lo7ly lift the anchor of the un7anted state, follo7ed a fe7 seconds later 4y the anchor for the resource state6
E6 est 4y trying to trigger the un7anted response6 'nstead, your response should 4e more neutral, or, the resource state should dominate6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
AENDI. B: SUB0ODALIT/ DISTINCTIONS Qthe 1ifferences that 3a8e the 1ifference
he pictures, sounds and feelings the sensory modalitiesM you use to create your internal models of reality are organi
given su4-modality, loo5 for the one that causes the entire structure the GestaltM to change6
(ssociationJDissociation, $i
5ISUAL
(ssociatedJdissociated ColorJ4lac5 and 7hite !ovingJstill Location $i
ragmentedJuninterrupted lat onJtilted BrightJdull
$mooth transitionsJump-cuts $par5ly etc6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
AUDITOR/
LoudJsoft 'nsideJoutside head Direction onality Pitch
empo speedM Rhythm ContinuousJinterrupted Duration Distance ClearJdiffuse
#cho !onauralJstereo KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
-INESTHETIC
Locali
AENDI. C: INSIDE OUT: TA0IN+ THE 0ON-E/ 0IND
!any people complain, or sho7 the symptoms, of scattered thin5ing6 ailure to cur4 this self-tal5, mental imagery, and random feelings and sensations, leads to a condition 7e call Hruna7ay mindI6 )ou may have e;perienced this yourself6 "o7 many times have you lain a7a5e 7ith the thoughts of the day racing around inside your head, ma5ing sleep impossi4leA %r, after a heated argument, the anger lingers for days as you run and re-run the incident along 7ith everything you ought to have said at the time, 4ut did not6 $ome #astern traditions call this Hmon5ey mindI6 o them, the untamed mind s5itters from 4ranch to 4ranch, leaving confusion, e;haustion and depression in its 7a5e6 #nlightenment, they say, is not an elevated state of rarefied thin5ing6 Rather it@s the taming of the mon5ey mind that allo7s the true nature of H4eingI to shine through6 'n this model, taming the mon5ey mind means providing a more appealing alternative to constantly leaping aroundTa safe place of peace, rela;ation, regeneration and change6 %ur a4ility to improve our health and mental 7ell-4eing 4y controlling the mind is 4eyond :uestion6 $tudies demonstrate ho7 regular periods of in7ard focus can positively affect our physical 7ell-4eing6 Periods of mental Hdo7n-timeI, properly carried out, have 4een sho7n to O Reduce an;iety and depression O "elp treat addictive 4ehavior O Lo7er 4lood pressure O 'mprove coping strategies O Reduce the ris5 of cardiovascular disease
O #nhance outcomes of psychotherapies, surgery and other treatments6 3.M Recent research suggests those engaging in short and long-term meditation may even directly trigger Hconsistent and constitutive changesI in gene e;pression6 'n other 7ords, ta5ing time out to Hgo inside your mindI may actually help you re7rite your o7n genetic code6 3.2M #ach time you sit and meditate, you may 4e sitting for generations to come as your enhanced genes get passed do7n to your descendants6 'n the *est, there is still some confusion and mistrust a4out mind-4ody techni:ues imported from other cultures6 (t 4est, they are seen as little more than getting a 4it of rela;ation, rather li5e listening to music or ta5ing a snoo
E.ERCISE $#: DIRECTED SELFH/NOSIS
ime 3E to 10 minutes 36 ell yourself that you@ll spend the ne;t fifteen to 10 minutes in a state of deep rela;ation6
$it some7here comforta4le and :uiet and start 4y loo5ing up7ards, as if inside your head, to7ards the cro7n6 16 a5e a deep 4reath through your nose6 "old the 4reath for a fe7 moments, then release it and allo7 your eyelids to close do7n, a4out a third of the 7ay 7hile 5eeping your eyes still loo5ing up6 6 a5e a second 4reath6 "old it a little longer, then, as you let it out, allo7 your eyelids close another third of the 7ay do7n eyes still loo5ing upM6 26 a5e a third 4reath6 "old it longer still, then, as you 4reathe out, let your eyelids close all the 7ay6 Rela; your eyes and settle 4ac5 to accept the comfort and support of your chair6 E6 (fter a fe7 moments, imagine you@re 7atching yourself from outside your 4ody6 Notice the signs of gro7ing rela;ation the softening of your muscles, the shallo7ness of your 4reath, the 7ay your face smoothes out6 F6 Ne;t, open up the center of the picture, rather li5e the iris of a camera, allo7ing a second image to come through6 (s the image 4ehind e;pands, notice that it@s of you, 4ut t7ice as rela;ed as 4efore6 .6 $tay 7ith that image for a moment, then repeat from $tep F, dou4ling the indicators of deepening rela;ation each time6 /6 9eep repeating the a4ove three steps6 6 Don@t 7orry if you seem to drift off6 *hen your a7areness returns, return to your images of deepening rela;ation6
306 *hen the time comes for you to return to your daily activity, simply visuali
or those 7ho prefer a more passive techni:ue, the follo7ing 7ill allo7 you to enter a meditative state6 B(C9 % %P KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
E.ERCISE $$: THE RELA.ATION RESONSE
ime 3E to 10 !inutes t7ice a day for ma;imum effectM 36 $tart 4y selecting an anchor 7ord such as HpeaceI, HcalmI, H:uietI, Hrela;H6 )ou can also choose a neutral 7ord such as the num4er HoneI6 *hichever 7ord you choose, it should remain the same for all sessions from no7 on6 16 $it :uietly and comforta4ly for a fe7 moments to allo7 the 4ody to start to settle do7n6 #ach time you e;hale, softly and silently repeat your 7ord6 )ou aren@t re:uired to visuali
26 *hen you@ve finished your fifteen to t7enty minutes, let go of the 7ord and sit for a fe7 seconds6 (llo7 your 4ody to acclimate to the outside 7orld 4efore getting up6 Note: Both of the a4ove p rotocols are more than simple rela;ation techni:ues6 *hatever
happens during the fifteen to t7enty minutes is less important than ho7 it spills out into the rest of your life6 'nstead of trying to have a good meditative session, pay attention to 7hat@s different and 4etter a4out the 7ay you e;perience yourself and the people and the 7orld around you6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
hese techni:ues are not Band-(ids] to 4e used to fi; a particular condition6 hey@re life-tools that support and enhance everything you do, 7hether you@re 7or5ing to improve your health and 7ell-4eing, or enoying the fruits of having done so6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
REFERENCES AND FOOTNOTES FOR EILO+UE AND TEN FI.ES
3F16 "iggs $, !emory and its role in appetite regulation Physiology & Behavior, +olume /E, 'ssue 3 3 !ay 100EM pp F.-.1 3F6 Roten4erg +$6 unctional 4rain asymmetry as a determinative factor in the treatment of depression heoretical implications Progress in Neuro-Psychopharmacology and Biological Psychiatry +olume 1, 'ssue / 31 Decem4er 100/M, pp 3..1-3... 3F26 od, D(, hatcher R, !cGuigan !, hatcher 6 #ffects of 'nstructional and !otivational $elf-al5 on the +ertical ump6 ournal of $trength and Conditioning Research6 100 an, 1 3M3F-1016 3FE6 or a comprehensive discussion on this and other approaches to improving your driving s5ills, go to httpJJ77761pass6co6u5Ja7areness6htm'ntro
3FF6 $mith, 96, & "ancoc5, P6 (6, 3EM6 $ituation a7areness is adaptive, e;ternally directed consciousness6 "uman actors, . 3M, 3.-32/6 3F.6 "e44, D6%6 32M, he organising the Past to #nhance the Present Boosting "appiness hrough Positive Reminiscence ournal of "appiness $tudies, +olume F, Num4er $eptem4er 100EM, pp6 11.-1F02M 3.06 httpJJ7776telegraph6co6u5JscienceJscience-ne7sJF0303Jhin5ing-of-something-goodthat-happened-the-day-4efore-4oost-happiness6html 3.36 BriQol P, Petty R#, *agner B, Body posture effects on self-evaluation ( self-validation approach, #uropean ournal of $ocial Psychology, +ol6 F, PP 30E - 30F2 3.16 Bandler R and * !cDonald 3/M6 (n 'nsider@s Guide to $u4-modalities, Cupertino, C( !eta Pu4lications 3.6 or a comprehensive account of research into meditation, see Dr $hanida Nataraa@s 4oo5, he Blissful Brain ? Neuroscience and proof of the po7er of meditation, London Gaia hin5ing 3.26 Duse5 (, %tu "", * ohlhueter (L, Bhasin !, er4ini L, oseph !G, Benson ", Li4ermann (6Genomic counter-stress changes induced 4y the rela;ation response6 PLo$ %ne6 100/ ul 1.Me1E.F6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
RECO00ENDED READIN+ AND AUDIO5ISUAL RESOURCES
BOO-S
Richard Bandler6 T"e )d(entures of )nybody, Cupertino, C( !eta Pu4lications, 36 Magi! in )!tion, Cupertino, C( !eta Pu4lications, 3/E6 Time for a C"ange% Cupertino, C( !eta Pu4lications, 36 Using Your Brain for a C"ange% !oa4, >tah Real People Press, 3/E6
Richard Bandler@s Guide to rance-formation "ealth Communications 'nc, 100/ 5et t"e Life You #ant "ealth Communications 'nc, 100/
Richard Bandler, and 6 Grinder, Frogs into 1rin!es, !oa4, > Real People Press, 3.6 Patterns of the "ypnotic echni:ues of !ilton "6 #ric5son6 +ol6 3, Cupertino, C( !eta Pu4lications, 3.E6 T"e Stru!ture of Magi!. o. ;% Cupertino, C( !eta Pu4lications, 3.E6 T"e Stru!ture of Magi!. o. <% Palo (lto, C( $cience and Behavior Boo5s, 3.F6 Tran!e+formations% !oa4, > Real People Press, 3/06
Richard Bandler, 6 Delo
Richard Bandler, and %7en it
Richard Bandler, and *6 !cDonald, )n Insider,s 5uide to Sub+modaities% Cupertino, C( !eta Pu4lications, 3/6 Richard Bandler, and ohn La+alle, 1ersuasion 0ngineering% Cupertino, C( !eta Pu4lications, 3F6 Paul !c9enna, C"ange Your Life in Se(en Days, London Bantam, 100E6 I Can Make You T"in% London Bantam Press, 100.6 Boo5 and CD6 Instant Confiden!e% London Bantam Press, 100F6 Boo5 and CD6
Garner homson 7ith Dr 9halid 9han, !agic in Practice 'ntroducing !edical NLP--he (rt and $cience of Language in "ealing and "ealth, London "ammersmith Press, 100/6 Ro4ert (nton *ilson, 1romet"eus 6ising% emple, ( Ne7 alcon Press, 3/6
Guantum 1sy!"oogy% emple, ( Ne7 alcon Press, 306
D5D AND CD RODUCTS
Richard Bandler, he (rt and $cience of Nested Loops6 D+D6D20 <@@@% CD6 Personal #nhancement $eries, CD6 Persuasion #ngineering, D+D6 ohn La+alle, NLP Practitioner $et, CD6 hese and many more D+Ds and CDs availa4le from 7776nlpstore6com6 (dventures in Neuro-"ypnotic Repatterning D+D set and P(L-version videosM, T"irty Years of 'L1 2ow to Li(e a 2appy Life D+D setM, and other products 4y Richard Bandler
availa4le from !atri; #ssential raining (lliance 7776meta-nlp6co6u5 #mail en:uiriesmeta-nlp6co6u5 el j22 0M3.2 /.331F fa; j22 0M3.2 /.0.32
4EBSITES
httpJJ7776Bandler+ision6com httpJJ7776RichardBandler6com httpJJ7776BrainitXL6com httpJJ7776PureNLP6com
httpJJ7776NLP'nstitutes6com httpJJ7776NLPrainers6com httpJJ7776NLPLin5s6com
httpJJ7776paulmc5enna6com httpJJ7776magicinpractice6com httpJJ7776medicalnlp6com httpJJ7776neuroing6com httpJJ7776meta-nlp6co6u5 httpJJ7776Ydreams6com httpJJ7776ra7ilson6com KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
THE SOCIET/ OF NL Richard Bandler Licensing (greement he $ociety of Neuro-Linguistic Programming is set up for the purpose of e;erting :uality control over those training programs, services, and materials claiming to represent the model of Neuro- Linguistic Programming NLPM6 he seal a4ove indicates $ociety Certification and is
usually advertised 4y $ociety-approved trainers6 *hen you purchase NLP products and seminars, as5 to see this seal6 his is your guarantee of :uality6 't is common e;perience for many people 7hen they are introduced to NLP and first 4egin to learn the technology, to 4e cautious and concerned 7ith the possi4le uses and misuses6
(s a protection for you and for those around you, the $ociety of NLP no7 re:uires participants to sign a licensing agreement 7hich guarantees that those certified in this technology 7ill use it 7ith the highest integrity6 't is also a 7ay to ensure that all the trainings you attend are of the highest :uality and that your trainers are updated and current 7ith the constant evolution of the field of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Design "uman #ngineering, etc6 he $ociety of NLP NLP $eminars Group 'nternational, P% Bo; 212, "opatcong, N 0./2, >$( el j3 .M ..0 F00 *e4site www.purenp.!om KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
The Society of 0e1ica7 NL Neuro-Linguistic Programming NLPM is 7idely regarded as one of the most innovative and effective 4rea5throughs in the field of applied psychology6 Descri4ed as Hthe study of e;cellenceI, it is also 7idely used in sports, 4usiness and personal development6 !edical NLP is a gro7ing field, developing out of Dr Richard Bandler@s 7or5 and associated research and clinical practice, and designed for health professionals of all specialties 4y Garner homson and the $ociety of !edical NLP6 $ince NLP focuses on the structure of su4ective
e;perienceTHho7I something is done, rather than H7hyIT!edical NLP see5s to understand nonver4al and somatic language the felt senseM, as 7ell as the semantic value of the spo5en 7ord of the patient 7hat is meant vs6 7hat is saidTunconscious as 7ell as conscious communicationT to create a true language of healing and health6 !edical NLP provides a 7or5ing model and series of s5ill-sets, em4edded into a proprietary three-stage consultation process that has 4een demonstrated significantly to enhance the success of all aspects of the patient-doctor interaction6 Decoding and using patients@ preferred ver4al and non-ver4al communication styles gives us clues to their o7n e;perience of illness and health6 !edical NLP e;plores patients@ o7n models of their illness, including the structure of limiting 4eliefsTfor e;ample, ho7 they thin5 the drugs 7or56 his allo7s us to use their uni:ue paradigms and presuppositions to 4uild a resourceful Hconsulting stateI6 his helps 4oth 7ith negotiating an agreed outcome and orientating them to7ards, and facilitating, recovery6 'n addition, !edical NLP provides practical s5ills to help deal 7ith stress-related pro4lems, 4enefiting the patients, as 7ell as helping health professionals attend to their o7n physical and emotional Hhouse5eepingI6 he $ociety of !edical NLP@s raining Director, Garner homson, has delivered tal5s and certified trainingsTno7 7idely accredited for inclusion in a num4er of continuing professional development plansTto hundreds of doctors, nurses, psychologists, psychiatrists, physical therapists, medical students, managers and allied health professionals from throughout the >nited 9ingdom and a4road6 he $ociety of !edical NLP $uite 133, 20E 9ing@s Road London $*30 0BB >nited 9ingdom el j220M10.E33F/3 *e4site 7776medicalnlp6com KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK B(C9 % %P
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
RICHARD BANDLER, co-creator and developer of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, is argua4ly
the 7orld@s most influential contri4utor to the field of self-development and applied psychology6 "is 4oo5s have sold more than half a million copies, and tens of thousands of people have studied his uni:ue 4lend of hypnosis, linguistics, and precise thin5ing throughout the 7orld6 ( 7idely acclaimed 5eynote spea5er and 7or5shop leader, he is the author of many 4oo5s, including Get the Life )ou *ant, Richard Bandler@s Guide to rance-formation, >sing )our Brain Tfor a Change, ime for a Change and !agic in (ction6 "e co-authored Conversations, rogs into Princes, Persuasion #ngineering, he $tructure of !agic ', he $tructure of !agic '', Patterns of the "ypnotic echni:ues of !ilton "6 #ric5son +olumes ' and '', and Neuro-Linguistic Programming +olume '6 Dr Bandler@s 4ac5ground as a musician and his interest in the relationship 4et7een sound and neural functioning has led him to develop Neuro-$onics!, and a range of programs for the Brainit light-sound machine, 4oth of 7hich utili
+ARNER THO0SON, NLP !aster Practitioner and rainer, is the founder and training director of
the $ociety of !edical NLP, and the creator of the !edical NLP program, a field developed out of the 7or5 of Dr Richard Bandler6 "e has taught to doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, nurses, allied health professionals and medical students since 3F6
( long-time student and associate of Dr6 Bandler@s, he has a 4ac5ground in psychology, communications, #ric5sonian hypnotherapy and trans-cultural and integrative health-care approaches that spans more than 0 years6 "e also runs a 4usy !edical NLP and "ypnotherapy practice in London, mostly 4y referral from doctors in primary and secondary care6 Garner homson 7rites and lectures 7idely, and appears on radio and television, 4oth as presenter and guest6 "e is the author of Magi! in 1ra!ti!e% Introdu!ing Medi!a 'L1AT"e )rt and S!ien!e of Language in 2eaing and 2eat" and is editor of 6i!"ard Bander,s 5uide to Tran!e+ formation6
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