The Parents

THE PARENTS

A. Development Developmental al Tasks Tasks of Pare Parents nts to Be: Mothering and Fathering B. Merc Mercer’s er’s Theory and R! R!in’s in’s Theor Theory y ". Behavior Behavior and needs of e#pectant e#pectant mothers D. Moth Mother ering ing Rol Role e $. Fathe atheri ring ng Role ole F. . %elected sitational crises a&ecting parental assmption of their role: '. single parenthood (. !irth of handicapped child ). adopting a child *. separation+divorce+annlment ,. hospitali-ation+death of a spose . /orking mother+a!sentee parent0s1 A. Developmental tasks of parents to be: Mothering & athering Dvall’s $234T5%TA3$ $234T5%TA3$ FAM267 FAM267 62F$ 62 F$ "7"6$ A8D D$9$6PM$8TA6 TA%;%

Developmental Tasks of 8e/ Parents '. Reconciling con spose> and child. (. Accepting and ad?sting to the strains and pressres of yong motherhood+fatherhood @ !alancing the demands. ). 6earning ho/ to care for their infant. = 6earning skills of feeding = Bathing = Decisions srronding ne/ child *. $sta!lishing and maintaining healthy rotines for the family. = Ad?sting personal rotines to inclde the ne/ !a!y = Ad?sting rotines to t /ith other family mem!ers rotines ,. Providing fll opportnities fro the child’s development = $nriching the physical sitation = Providing many e#periences for child to e#plore+learn = "hild proof hose = Accepting child as an individal . %haring the responsi!ilities responsi!ilities of parenthood. . Maintaining a satisfying relationship /ith spose. C. Making satisfactory ad?stments to the practical realities of life

= Making decisions a!ot ?o!> day5care> etc = Adapting if necessary to limited nancial resorces> social life> friends> etc E. Maintaining a sense of personal atonomy '. $#ploring and developing the satisfactory sense of !eing a family. = Family recreation> ?oint activities = 8e/ associations /ith other relatives in their roles as Ant> Gncles> etc athering Role. Fathers play many roles in parenting their children. %ome are involved in every facet of their childHs life /hile others concentrate on one or t/o aspects of raising their child

%tdi dies of parenting !ehav haviors sggest that fathers still tend to concentrate their e&orts on a handfl of !asic parenting responsi!ilities. Today> fathers roles tend to !e dened !y the IFive IFive PsI: Participator / Problem Solver  Fathers ers can sometimes overlook the importance of !eing a reglar participator in their their child childHs Hs life. life. Being Being there there for a child child is more than physical presence> !t helping to meet meet chil childr dren enHs Hs soci social al>> emot emotio iona nal> l> and and psychological needs. Fathers talk a!ot the importance of  helping their child solve many of the critical pro!lems of gro/ing p. These cold !e the challe challenge nges s of emerg emerging ing adlth adlthood ood sch sch as deciding: /hat to do for a living> /hether to go to college> /hether to !y a carJ or> they cold !e everyday tasks sch as home/ork> #ing a !ike> or hanging a s/ing from a tree. 2n the pro!l pro!lem5s em5solv olver er role> role> dads dads are are modeling e&ective pro!lem5solving skills for their child. They have an opportnity to sho/ their child ho/ to make and act on decisions> as /ell as e#perience the conseKences of  their actions and decisions.  This process fosters a childHs respo espons nsi! i!il ilit ity> y> inde indepe pend nden ence ce>> and and self self55 reliance. 2f children are raised /ithot a role model model for e&ecti e&ective ve pro!l pro!lem5 em5sol solvin ving> g> they they often adopt poor strategies that lead them to !ecome ine&ectal and helpless in pro!lematic sitations. "hil "hildr dren en and and adl adlts ts /ith /ith de eci cien entt pro!lem5 pro!lem5solvi solving ng skills skills often often !ecome !ecome needy and dependen dependentt on others others to Imake Imake things things righ rightI tI in thei theirr life life.. n the the posi positi tive ve side side>> fathers fathers /ho model model healthy healthy pro!lem5s pro!lem5solvi olving ng

in relationships have children /ho are less aggressive and /ho are more poplar /ith their peers and teachers. Lhile fathers often play a critical role in their childHs life !y setting an e#ample of  pro!lem5solving> fathers sometimes get involved in solving pro!lems /hen itHs nearly too late. 2n some family sitations> a father only gets involved /hen a childHs emotional and !ehavioral pro!lems have !ecome so serios that they are less responsive to treatment. Reserving dadHs help for only the I!igI pro!lems is a !ig mistake. Fathers need to !e involved in all phases of their childHs pro!lem5solving strategies from serving as an e#ample to serving as a gide /ho o&ers possi!le soltions to their children1. Playmate Fathers can !e great ?ngle gyms.

Research sho/s that fathers spend more time> proportionally> /ith their children in high5energy> physical play than do mothers. 2n addition> fathers tend to engage in more roghhosing and stimlating play than mothers> for e#ample> sing the elements of  srprise and e#citement.  This sets p e#pectations in children for the ma?ority of their interactions /ith fathers involving physical play. For e#ample> a daghter hangs on her fatherHs arm and /ants to s/ing as soon as he comes throgh the front door on his /ay home from /ork. %till> this type of play can !e very important in a childHs life. Physical play not only !ilds mscles and coordination> !t can often !e sed to teach rles that govern !ehavior 0e.g.> taking trns> standing in line> playing physically /ithot in?ring someone> etc.1.  Throgh the role of playmate> a father can encorage his childHs sense of atonomy and independence> /hich is a ma?or milestone of  social and emotional gro/th. 2n addition> play is often termed a I/indo/ to the childHs /orld.I This means that play can often !e sed to nd ot a!ot a childHs thoghts> feelings> hopes> and dreams. Fathers can also se play to informally start a serios conversation /ith their child. 2n fact> itHs important that fathers  se this time to talk /ith their child and to !ild their emotional !ond /ith them.

 Too often> fathers miss this opportnity !y simply playing and s!stitting physical contact for ver!al interaction Principled Guide  The clich> ILait til yor father gets homeNI no longer applies de to the diversity of  family types as /ell as a ne/ nderstanding of child discipline as gidance> not pnishment. 8either shold IpnisherI !e sed to descri!e a fatherHs role> especially !ecase pnishment tends to !e a negative assertion of adlt po/er. Pnishment emphasi-es to children /hat they shold not  do> rather than ho/ parents /old like them to act. Also> pnishment may !e the reslt of a parentHs emotional reaction to a childs !ehavior. As a reslt> a child may feel shamed and hmiliated /hich ndermines trst in the parent5child relationship. Also> the childHs sense of atonomy and initiative may !e ndermined> especially /hen a childHs naccepta!le !ehavior is /ell5meaning. 3idance> on the other hand teaches socially desira!le !ehavior> helps children to learn the di&erence !et/een right and /rong> and ena!les children to e#perience and nderstand the conseKences of their o/n !ehavior. Fathers /ho serve as gides for their children maintain their athority> !t se it e&ectively. 3idance is a colla!orative e&ort !et/een parent and child that involves an ongoing process of father5child interaction. Agreement !et/een fathers and mothers on gidance strategies is important> particlarly /hen it comes to learning conseKences of  naccepta!le !ehavior. 2f one parent allo/s the child to e#perience the conseKences of  his+her poor decision and the other resces the child from that e#perience> there /ill !e harmfl e&ects to !oth the parental relationship and the childHs development.  Ost as important> /hen fathers !ecome over5involved in pnishing> they often have far too little involvement in re/arding good !ehaviors. Fathers /ho /ant to !ild a healthy !ond /ith their child need to se appropriate gidance. This gidance mst !e a !alance !et/een correcting naccepta!le !ehavior and encoraging /ith praise and other re/ards for sccessfl !ehavior. Provider 

Lhile> in the last fe/ decades> mothers of  dependent children have entered the /ork force in nprecedented nm!ers> men contine to !e identied as the primary I!read/innerI for the family. This is not al/ays the case> as some fathers choose to !e the primary providers of childcare> for e#ample> /hile /orking ot of the home or contining their edcation. Also> /ith the increase in divorce and parenting otside of  marriage> many mothers have !ecome the main providers for their families. American society still vales the a!ility of th e father to provide tangi!le resorces 0i.e.> food> money> shelter> material possessions1 for their children. For e#ample> policies enforcing a non5resident fatherHs payment of  child spport re an emphasis on responsi!le fatherhood has in<enced social policy and social movements 0e.g.> the Promise ;eepers1 in the 'EEs throgh the ne/ millennim. More than the provision of material things 0e.g.> income and resorces1 for children and families> a fathers provider role can !e dened in terms of responsi!ility for care of  the child. For e#ample> fathers may help to make plans and arrangements for child care> even if they are not directly providing care. All too often> fathers have !een led to !elieve that providing income and material spport is all there is> their only /ay for caring for their family. ThatHs nfortnate> !ecase it discorages fathers from participating in all of the other parenting activities that many nd so fllling> sch as gidance> play> and school activities. Frther> if a father vales his role as a parent solely only in terms of providing material resorces for the family> he may !egin to feel trapped !y his employment. Placing a !lk of the emphasis on a fathers !eing the provider can prevent his leaving nsatisfying> /ell5paying employment. 4e may not feel a!le to risk 0even a temporary1 decrease in family income /hile he looks for other employment opportnities. Preparer  Fathers often see themselves as someone involved in preparing their children for lifeHs challenges> as /ell as protecting them /hen necessary. They may talk /ith their child a!ot family vales and morals. r> fathers may advise their teenagers a!ot edcational and employment goals as /ell as

give advice 0/hen asked for1 a!ot peer and romantic relationships. They may gide their child a!ot ho/ to !ehave in school and /ork to ensre their childHs sccess in those areas. They may discss the importance of  !eing trthfl> of giving an Ihonest dayHs /ork for an honest dayHs payI> or sho/ing their a&ection to a spose or partner. ften> fathers see their relationship /ith their child !lossom as the child gro/s into adolescence and adlthood. %ome fathers even see this as the time to get involved in preparing their children for the Ireal /orld.I 2n trth> fathers donHt need to /ait ntil their children are !ecoming adlts in order to teach them important life lessons. Fathers can provide moral gidance and practical lessons all the /ay throgh their childHs life. This kind of involvement strengthens the father5child relationship. 2nvolvement helps !ild an ongoing partnership !et/een father and child. Most important> throgh his in<ence on many areas of his childHs life> a father teaches his child ho/ to !e a parent. Mothering Role Mothering is a relationship /ith a !a!y or child characteri-ed !y a strong> emotional attachment that promotes the infant+childHs srvival and /ell !eing 0Barnard> 'EE,1. A /omanHs potential for mothering is in<enced !y maternal> infant and environmental factors 0Mercer> 'EC'J R!in> 'EC*J ;oniak53rin> 'EE)1 some of /hich inclde: Qality of mothering she herself  received. Acceptance of her femininity. Personal vales and goals. Relationship /ith the !a!yHs father+ partner and degree of secrity she derives from it. "ircmstances srronding pregnancy and ho/ /elcome it is. Physical conditions of pregnancy and delivery. "ircmstances srronding pregnancy and ho/ /elcome it is. Physical conditions of pregnancy and delivery.

2n<ences on Mother’s "apacity "ltre Ad?stment to role as parent of !a!y Ba!yHs temperament and special needs

;no/ledge of infant !ehaviors %pport the parent+s receives $#pectations of !a!y Relationship /ith partner 4ealth of parents and !a!y Previos child!irth e#perience %pacing !et/een !irths Parenting that !oth parents received %elf5condence

e#pectations. Then she imagines herself  performing in that /ay 0pro?ection1 and makes a ?dgment a!ot the !ehavior. 2f the t is good> the !ehavior is accepted.

Reva R!bin"s Theor#: Maternal Role Attainment. %he e#amined ho/ mothers se a variety of senses 55 sight> smell and toch 55 to !ecome familiar /ith their ne/!orns. To encorage the !onding that she o!served> she /as an early proponent of  keeping the mother and the ne/!orn together as mch as possi!le dring the rst days after !irth. %he /as the athor of IThe Maternal 2dentity and the Maternal $#perienceI 0%pringer> 'EC*1. 2n 'E(> she /as a fonder /ith her companion and longtime professional colleage> Dr. Florence 4. $rickson of the Maternal "hild "are 8rsing Oornal> the rst research ?ornal in the eld. Together> they also esta!lished masterHs and doctoral programs in nrsing at the Gniversity of Pitts!rgh. Maternal  identity developmen t  is the /oman’s e&orts aimed at !ecoming a mother

Developmental Stages of Maternal Role

Pro$ess of Maternal Role Taking

'. Mimicry5 an active operation in /hich the /oman searches the environment and her memory for other people /ho are or have !een in the role she is /orking to attain> and then e#amines their !ehavior and imitates them  (. Role play5 acting ot /hat a person in the soght role actally does in particlar sitations. the earliest form of role !ehavior ). Fantasy5 involves cognitively trying varieties of possi!le role sitations. occrs !y /ay of fears> dreams> and daydreams *.2ntro?ection5pro?ection5 re?ection+acceptance 02PR+A15 the mother takes in the !ehavior of others 0intro?ection1> and e#amines if it ts her o/n role

,. 3rief /ork5 an operation that has to do /ith giving p elements of the former self  /hich /old !e in con
A. The Anti$ipator# Stage: This stage !egins dring pregnancy /here!y the /oman prepares for her ne/ role. The pregnant /oman prepares for this ne/ role throgh completion of for ma?or developmental tasks 0R!in>'EC*1. Maternal Tasks5The totality of a /oman’s psychologic /ork of pregnancy. 4as !een groped into for

'. %eeking safe passage for self and !a!y: seeking safe passage in the rst trimester is for pregnancy care> in the second trimester it is for !a!y care> and in the third it is for delivery care.S %eeking safe passage for herself and her child throgh pregnancy> la!or> and delivery. (. %ecring acceptance:5 secring acceptance is a condition necessary to prodce and sstain the energy for all the other tasks. involves a re/orking of  psychologic> social and physical space /ithin the family to make a place for the coming child ). 6earning to give of self: giving is an inherent and pervasive part of !eing a mother> dring !oth child!earing or childrearing. the /oman has to learn to give to the child volntarily on a day5to5day !asis in order for the child to srvive *. Binding5in to the nkno/n !a!y: maternal !inding5in is the dynamic process of  attachment and interconnection /ith the infant that !egins in the prenatal period. has t/o halves: !inding5in to the infant and !inding5in to self as mother of the infant

%. The ormal Stage  The formal stage !egins at !irth. Dring this stage the ne/ mother needs to complete the follo/ing tasks as part of the process for acKiring the mothering role 0Mercer> 'EC'1 Maternal Tasks: . Re$on$ile the a$t!al $hil'birth e(perien$e )ith her prenatal fantasies of birth. As the mother revie/s the events of  child!irth and re she !egins integrating the e#perience /ith her e#pectation. %he evalates her performance in relation to the e#periences of her mother> sisters> and friends. Lhen the actal e#perience is not /hat /as e#pected> the mother may feel that her performance /as inadeKate. 4ome visitors can involve partners in this discssion so that '1 the mother can receive reassrance and spport a!ot her performance or (1 the e#perience can !e reframed so that she and the partner can recogni-e her strengths and accomplishments. Re$on$ile pre*birth fantasies of bab# )ith a$t!al infant $hara$teristi$s. Talking a!ot ho/ her !a!yHs characteristics compare /ith her fantasies of !a!y dring pregnancy helps the mother see !a!yHs niKeness. Throgh this process the mother !egins to claim the !a!y as hers> a step that is important for sensitive and responsive care. Lhen !a!y is the desired se# and has the e#pected si-e> coloring> and temperament characteristics> then this task takes less e&ort and time and she can move to other tasks. Lhen there are ma?or gaps !et/een e#pectations and reality> there is

more /ork for mom. 2nclding the partner in this discssion can help facilitate identity /ith and attachment to !a!y for !oth mother and partner. Re$on$ile her bo'# image after birth )ith her e(pe$tations. The ne/ mother /ants to look and feel feminine again. %he is concerned a!ot her appearance. 4er partnerHs response can assist /ith this task or prolong it. +bserve the bab#,s normal bo'il# f!n$tions. The ne/ mother needs to see !a!y feed> sck> !rp> and cry so that she can !e assred that there is nothing /rong /ith the !a!y. This is part of the early attachment process. Perform mothering tasks.  Dring the rst t/o /eeks after !irth> the rst time mother /ith no e#perience focses on learning and performing infant care tasks sch a !athing> feeding> !rping> and diaper changing. The e#perienced mother is concerned /ith ho/ to mother this ne/ !a!y and ho/ the !a!y /ill t into the family. The e#perienced> as /ell as the ine#perienced mother may have mood s/ings> !e easily frstrated and critical of herself. Most mothers> regardless of  e#perience> need reassrance that they are capa!le of caring for the ne/ !a!y. Re'e-ne partner roles. The ne/ mother and father !egin to redene their roles as partners and as parents to inclde the ne/ family mem!er. Res!me other responsibilities. Follo/ing !irth the mother !egins to anticipate the responsi!ilities a/aiting her at home inclding meal preparation> care of older children> and landry. The partner can assist the mother /ith identifying individals /ho can help them dring the early /eeks follo/ing !irth. Arond t/o /eeks after !irth> the mother /ants to resme social activities otside the home. Finding her at home for a home visit may !e diclt after t/o /eeks as the mother resmes otside activities. . The /nformal Stage  The informal stage !egins dring the rst month. The mother creates her o/n responses to her !a!yHs ces and relies less on the advise of e#perts. The !a!yHs response to her care and comments from family mem!ers and friends provide the mother /ith feed!ack a!ot her competence as mother of this !a!y.

D. The Personal0 Maternal Role /'entit# Stage  This stage signals the endpoint of maternal role attainment. Dring this stage the mother: Develops a sense of competence and satisfaction in the role. Attaches to the infant. 2s comforta!le /ith her maternal identity.  The timing and dration of these stages are in<enced !y a nm!er of factors inclding previos mothering e#perience> cltre> spport from signicant others> the motherHs physical recovery> the !a!yHs temperament and e#pectations of !a!y.

Ramona T. Mercer’s Theory 'E(E5Present: Maternal Role Attainment* %e$oming A

Mother* an interactional and developmental process occrring over time in /hich the mother !ecomes attached to her infant> acKires competence in the caretaking tasks involved in the role. “The movement to the  personal state in which the mother  experiences a sense of harmony, condence, and competence in how she performs the role is the end point of maternal role attainment- aternal identity!