THE MECHANISM MECHANISM OF LETTING LETTING GO
Let t i nggoi nv ol v esbei ngawar eofaf eel i ng,l et t i ngi tc omeup,s t a y i ngwi t hi t ,andl et t i ngi tr uni t s c our s ewi t houtwant i ngt oma mak ei tdi ffer entordoan yt hi ngabouti t .I tmeanss i mpl yt ol ett hef eel i ng bet her eandt of oc usonl et t i ngoutt heener gybehi ndi t .Thefi r s ts t epi st oal l owy our s el ft ohav e t hef eel i ngwi t houtr es i s t i ngi t ,v ent i ngi t ,f ear i ngi t ,c ondemni ngi t ,ormor al i z i ngabouti t .I tmeanst o dr opj udgmentan dt os eet hati ti sJ USTaf eel i ng.Th et e chni q uei st obewi t ht hef e el i ngan d s ur r enderal l effor t st omodi f yi ti nanyway .Letgoofwant i ngt or es i s tt hef eel i ng.I TI S RESI STANCETHATKEEPSTHEFEELI NG GOI NG.Wh Whenyougi veupr esi st i ngort r yi ngt omo modi f y t hef eel i ng,i twi l l s hi f tt ot henex tf eel i ngandbeac compani edbyal i ght ers ens at i on.Af eel i ngt hati s notr es i s t edwi l l di s appearast heener gybehi ndi tdi s si pat es . Asyoubegi nt hepr oc es s,y ouwi l l not i c et haty ouha vef earandgui l tov erhav i ngf eel i ngs ;t her ewi l l ber es i s t anc et of eel i ngsi ngener al .T ol etf eel i ngscomeup,i ti seas i ert ol etgooft her eac t i ont o hav i ngt hef eel i ngi nt hefi r s tpl ac e.Af earoff eari t s el fi sapr i meex ampl eoft hi s .Letgooft hef ear orgui l tt haty ouhav eaboutt hef eel i ngfi r s t ,andt hengeti nt ot hef eel i ngi t s el f . Wh enl e t t i n gg o,I GNOREAL LTHOUGHTS.Fo c uso nt h ef e el i n gi t s e l f ,n oto nt h et h ou gh t s . Thoug ht sar een dl e ssa ndsel f r e i nf or c i ng,andt he yonl ybr e edmo mor et h ought s .Th ought sar eme mer el y r at i onal i z at i onsoft hemi ndt ot r yt oe xpl ai nt hepr es enc eoft hef eel i ng.Ther eal r eas onf ort he f eel i ngi st heac c umul at edpr es sur ebehi ndt hef eel i ngt hati sf or c i ngi tt oc omeupi nt hemoment . Th et h ou gh t so re x t e r n al e v e nt sa r eon l ya ne x c u s ema deupb yt h emi n d. Aswebec omemor ef ami l i arwi t hl et t i nggo,i twi l l benot i c edt hatal l negat i v ef eel i ngsar eas soc i at ed wi t hourbas i cf earr el at edt os ur v i v al andt hatal l f eel i ngsar emer el ysur v i v al pr ogr amst hatt hemi nd bel i e v esar ene ces s ar y .Thel e t t i nggot ec hni queundoest hepr ogr amsp r ogr es s i v el y .Th r ought hat p r o ce s s,t heun de r l y i n gmo t i v ebeh i ndt h ef e el i n gsb ec ome smo mo r ean dmo r eap pa r e nt . T obesur r ender edme meanst oha venost r ongemo t i onaboutat hi ng:" I t ' sok ayi fi thappens ,andi t ' s ok ayi fi tdoes n' t . "Whenwear ef r ee,t her ei sal et t i nggoofat t ac hment s .Wec anenj o yat hi ng,but wedo n' tneedi tf orourhappi nes s .Ther ei spr ogr es s i v edi mi ni s hi ngofde pende nc eonan y t h i ngor an y oneout s i deofour s el v e s.Thes epr i nc i pl esar ei nac c or dwi t ht hebas i ct eac hi ngo ft h eBu dd hat o a v oi dat t ac hmentt owor l dl yph enomena,aswel l ast hebas i ct eac hi ngofJ es usChr i s tt o" bei nt h e wor l dbutnotofi t . " Some t i meswes ur r e nd eraf e el i ngan dweno t i c et hati tr e t ur nsorc ont i n ue s.Th i si sbe caus et her e i smo mor eofi ty ett obesur r ender ed.Weha vest uffedt hes ef eel i ngsal l ofourl i v esandt her ecanbea l o to fe ne r g yp us h e dd o wnt h atn ee dst oc o meupan me db ea c k n o wl e d ge d .Wh ens u r r e nd ero c c u r s , t her ei sani mmedi at el i ght er ,happi erf eel i ng,al mos tl i k ea" hi gh. " LETTI NG GO:THEPATHWAYOFSURRENDER,Dav i dR.Hawki ns ,M. D. ,Ph. D. ,pg.1921.
Let t i nggoofnegat i v ef eel i ngsi st heundoi ngoft heego,whi c hwi l l ber es i s t antatev er yt ur n.Thi s ma yr es ul ti ns k ept i c i s m aboutt het ec hni que. ," f or get t i ng"t os ur r ender ,as uddenups ur geof es capi s m,orv ent i ngf eel i ngsb ye xpr es si ngorac t i ngout .Thes ol ut i oni ss i mpl yt ok eeponl et t i nggo oft hef eel i ngsy ouha veaboutt hewhol epr oc es s.Le tt her es i s t anc ebet her ebutdon' tr es i s tt he r es i s t anc e. Youar ef r ee.Youdo n' tHAVEt ol e tgo.Nobodyi sf or c i ngy ou.Lo okatt hef earb eh i ndt her e si s t anc e. Whatar ey ouaf r ai dofr egar di ngt hi spr oc es s ?Ar ey ouwi l l i ngt ol etgooft hat ?Keepl et t i nggoof ev er yf earasi tar i s es ,andt her es i s t anc ewi l l r es ol v e. . . . Let ' sno tf or gett hatwear el e t t i nggoofal l t hepr ogr amst hatha vemadeusas l a veandav i c t i mf ora l ongt i me.Thes epr ogr amsha vebl i ndedust ot het r ut hofourr eal i dent i t y . Theegoi sl os i nggr ound andwi l l t r yt r i c ksandbl uffs .Onc ewes t ar tl e t t i nggo,i t sda ysar enumber edandi t spoweri s di mi ni s hi ng.Oneofi t st r i c kst ot ogounc ons ci ousaboutt het ec hni quei t s el f ,f ori ns t anc e,t odec i de s uddenl yt hatt hemec hani s m ofs ur r enderi s n' twor k i ng,t hi ngsar es t i l l t hes ame,i ti sconf us i ng,and t o oh ar dt or e me mb era nddo .Th i si sas i g no fr ea lp r o gr e ss !I tme an st h att h eeg ok no wsweh av ea k ni f ewi t hwhi c ht oc utour s el v esf r eeandi ti sl os i nggr ound.Theegoi snotourf r i end.Li k e" mas t er c ont r ol "i nT r on( 1982) ,i twant st ok eepusens l a vedb yi t spr ogr ams . Let t i nggoi sanat ur al abi l i t y .I ti snots omet hi ngneworf or ei gn.I ti snotanes ot er i ct eac hi ngor s omebodyel s e' si deaorabel i efs y st em.Wear emer el yut i l i z i ngouro wni nnernat ur et oge tf r eer andhappi er .Whenl et t i nggo,i ti snothel pf ul t o" t hi nk "aboutt het ec hni que.I t ' sbet t er ,s i mpl y ,j us tt o doi t .Ev ent ual l y ,i twi l l bes eent hatal l t hought sar er es i s t anc e. Do c ,Le t t i n gGo ,ThePa t h wa yofSu r r en de r ,Ch .2 ,Th eMe ch an i s mo fL et t i n gGo ,p .2 22 3 Bas i cPr i nc i pl esofLet t i ngGo At houghti sa“ t hi ng” .I thasener gyandf or m. Themi ndwi t hi t st hought sandf eel i ngscont r ol st hebody ;t her ef or e,t oheal t hebody , t hought sand f e el i ng sne edt obec han ged . Whati shel di nmi ndt endst oe xpr es si t s el ft hr ought hebody . Thebodyi snott her eal s el f ;i ti sl i k eapuppetc ont r ol l edbyt hemi nd. Bel i e f st hatar eunc on sc i ousc anmani f es tasi l l nes s ,e v ent hought he r ei snomemor yoft he under l y i ngbel i ef s . Ani l l n es st end st or es ul tf r om r ep r es s eda nds uppr es s ednegat i v eemo t i ons ,p l usat h ou ghtt h at gi v esi ts pec i fi cf or m( i . e. ,c ons ci ous l yoru nc ons ci ous l y ,onepar t i c ul ari l l nes si sc hos enr at hert han a n o t h e r ) .
Th ou gh t sar ec a us e db ys up pr e s s eda ndr e pr e s s edf e el i n gs . Whenaf eel i ngi sl etgo,t hous andsorev enmi l l i onsoft hought st hatwer eac t i v at edb yt hatf eel i ng di s appear . Al t houghas pec i fi cbel i efc anbec anc el l edandener gyt oi tc anber ef us ed,i ti sgener al l yawas t eof t i met ot r yt oc hanget hi nk i ngi t s el f . Wes ur r enderaf eel i ngbyal l o wi ngi tt obet her ewi t houtc ondemni ng,j udgi ng,orr es i s t i ngi t .We s i mpl yl ookati t ,obs er v ei t ,andal l owi twi t houtt r y i ngt omodi f yi t .I twi l l r unouti nduet i me. As t r ongf eel i ngma yr ec ur ,wh i c hmean st her ei smor eofi tt ober e cogn i z edandsur r en der ed. I nor dert os ur r enderaf eel i ng,s omet i mesi ti snec es sar yt os t ar tbyr el i nqui s hi ngt hef eel i ngt hati s t her eaboutt hepar t i c ul aremot i on( e. g. ,gui l tt hat“ Is houl dn’ thav et hi sf eel i ng” ) . I nor dert or el i nqui s haf eel i ng,s ome t i mesi ti snec es s ar yt oac knowl edgeandl etgooft he under l y i ngpay offofi t( e. g. ,t he“ t hr i l l ”ofangerandt he“ j ui c e”ofs ympat hyf r om bei ngahel pl es s v i c t i m) . Feel i ngsar enott her eal s el f . Wh er e asf ee l i n gsar ep r o gr a mst h atc o mea ndg o,t h er e al i n ne rSe l fa l wa y ss t a y st h es ame;I g no r e t hought s . Nomat t erwhati sgoi ngoni nl i f e,k eept hes t eadf as ti nt ent i ont os ur r endernegat i v ef eel i ngsast hey ar i s e. Ma k ead ec i s i ont ha tf r eedom i smor edes i r a bl et hanha vi nganeg at i v ef eel i ng . Ch oos et os ur r e nd erneg at i v ef eel i ng sr at hert hanex pr es st hem. Sur r enderr es i s t anc et oands k ept i c i s m aboutpos i t i v ef eel i ngs . Rel i nqui s hnegat i v ef eel i ngsbuts har epos i t i v eones . Not i c et hatl et t i nggoi sac compani edbyas ubt l e,ov er al l l i ght erf eel i ngwi t hi ny our s el f . Re l i n qu i s h i n gad es i r ed oe sn otme any o uwo n’ tg etwh aty o uwa nt . Ge ti tb y“ os mos i s ” .Puty our s el fi nt heaur aoft ho sewhoh av ewhaty ouwa nt . “ Li k egoest ol i k e. ” Bea wa r et haty ouri nne rs t a t ei sk no wnandt r ans mi t t ed.
Pe r s i s t en cepa y soff . Letgoofr es i s t i ngt het ec hni que.St ar tandendt heda ywi t hi t . Yo uar eo nl ys ubj e c tt owh aty o uho l di nmi n d. St opgi v i ngt heph ys i c al di s or deraname;donotl abel i t . Thes amei st r ueo fourf eel i ngs . Le t t i ngGo:ThePat h wa yofSur r e nd er ,2012,Da vi dR.Ha wk i n s,M. D. ,PhD,Ver i t a sPubl i s hi ng , c hap t e r2 0,pg s.29 59 Th eRe l a t i o ns hi pofCo ns c i ou s ne s st oSt r e ssa ndDi s ea se : Asweha ves een,s t r es spr onenes sandv ul ner abi l i t yar edi r ec t l yr el at edt oourgener al l ev el of emo t i onal f unc t i on i ng .Thehi g herwear eont hesc al eoncon sc i ous nes s ,t hel e sswer es pondwi t h s t r es sf ul r eac t i on.Wec ant ak eas i mpl ei nc i dentf r om ev er y dayl i f eandi l l us t r at et hedi ffer enc esi n r e ac t i v i t y . Let ’ ssa y ,f ore xampl e,t hatweha vepar k edoutc arand,j us taswegetout ,t hec arpar k edi nf r ontof u sb ac k supi n t oou rc arwi t hat h ud .Ou rb u mp era ndt h ef r o nto ft hef e nd era r ed en t e d.He r ei swh at t hedi ffer entl e vel sofc ons c i ous nes smi ghts oundl i k e: Shame:“ Ho w embar r as s i ng.I ’ ms uc hal ous ydr i v er .Ic an ’ tev enpar kac ar .I ’ l l ne veramountt o any t hi ng. ” Gui l t :“ Ihadi tc omi ng.Hows t upi dIam!Is houl dha vedoneabet t erj obofpar k i ng. ” Apat h y :“ What ’ st heus e?Thi n gsl i k et hi sal wa y shappent ome.Ipr obabl ywon ’ tc ol l e cto nt he i ns ur anc ean yway .Ther e’ snous et al k i ngt ot heguy .He’ l l j us ts ueme.Li f es t i nk s. ” Gr i ef :“ nowt hec ar ei sr ui ned.I twi l l nev erbet hes ame.Li f ei sgr i m.Iwi l l pr obabl yl os eabundl eon t hi sone. ” Fear :“ Thi sguyi spr obabl yf ur i ous .I ’ af r ai dhe’ l l hi tme.I ’ m af r ai dt ot al kbac kt ohi m.He’ l l pr obabl y s ueme.I ’ l l pr obabl yne vergett hec arfi x edr i ghtagai n.Carr epai rpeopl eal wa ysr i pmeoff .The i ns ur anc ec ompan ywi l l pr obabl ygetoutoft hi sone,andI ’ l l bet heonel ef thol di ngt hebag. ” De si r e:“ Ic anmak eabundl eo nt hi sone .It hi nkIwi l l ho l dmynec kandf ak eawhi p l as h.Mybr o t her –i nl awi sal awy er .We’ l l s ur et hepant sofft hi si di ot .I ’ l l getas et t l ementont hehi ghes tes t i mat eand geti tfi x edatac heaperpl ac e. ”
Anger :“ Th edamnedi di o t !It hi nkI ’ l l t eac ht h i sguyal es s on.Hedes er v esagoodpunc hi nt h enos e. I ’ l l s uehi spant soffandmak ehi ms uffer .Mybl oodi sboi l i ng.If eel s hak ywi t hr age.Ic oul dk i l l t he bas t ar d. ” Pr i de :“ Loo kwh er ey ou ’ r egoi ng,y ouf ool !OhGod!Thewor l di sf ul l ofs uc hbumbl i ngi di o t s !Ho w d ar eheda ma gemyn ewc a r !Wh ot h eh el l d oe shet h i n khei s ?He ’ sp r o ba bl yg otc h ea pi n s ur a nc e ; t h an kGo dmi nei st h eb es t . ” Cour age:“ Oh,wel l ,we ’ v ebo t hgoti ns ur anc e.I ’ l l t ak edownt hedat aandhandl ei tok ay .Anui s anc e butIc anhandl ei t .I ’ l l t al kt ot hedr i v erandgeti ts et t l edoutofc our t . ” Neut r al i t y :“ Thes et hi ngshappeni nl i f e.Youc an ’ tdr i v e20, 000mi l esay earwi t houtanoc cas i onal f enderbender . ”
Wi l l i ng nes s :“ Ho wc anIhel pt heguyc al m do wn?Hedoes n’ tneedt of eel ups etab outi t .We ’ l l j u st e x c ha ng et h ene c es s ar yi n su r a nc ei n f o r ma t i o na ndb eo ka ywi t he ac ho t h er . ” Ac c ep t anc e:“ I tc ou l dha v ebeenwor s e.Atl eas tnobod y’ shu r t .I t ’ sonl ymone yan ywa y .The i ns ur anc ec ompan ywi l l t ak ec ar eofi t .Is uppos et heguy ’ sups et .That ’ sonl ynat ur al .Suc ht hi ngs j us tc an’ tbehel ped.ThankGodI ’ m notr unni ngt hi suni v er s e.I t ’ sonl yami nornui s anc e. ” Reas on:“ Let ’ sbepr ac t i c al her e.I ’ dl i k et ot ak ec ar eofi tasqui c kl yaspos si bl es oIc angetonwi t h t heda y’ sac t i v i t i es .What ’ st hemos teffic i entwa yt or es ol v eourpr obl em?” Lov e:“ Ihopet heguyi s n’ tups et .I ’ l l c al m hi m down.( Say st ot heot herdr i v er ) .‘ Rel ax .I t ’ sal l ok ay . We ’ v eb ot hg oti n su r a nc e .Ik no who wi ti s .I th app en edt omej u s tt hes amewa y .I twa sami n ord en t andwegoti tfi x edi nada y .Don’ twor r y -wewon’ tr epor ti ti fy oudon’ twantt o.Wec anpr obabl y dedu cti tanda v oi dar ai s ei ni n sur anc epr emi u m.Ther e ’ sno t hi ngt ob eups etab ou t . ”( Reas s ur e st he ups etd r i v er ,put t i nganar m onhi ssho ul d eri nf el l o wh umanc amar ader i e. ) Peac e:“ wel l ,i s n’ tt hatf or t ui t ous ?Iwasgoi ngt oha vet her at t l ei nt hebumperfi x ed,an ywa y ,andt he f enderal r eadyhadal i t t l edent .SonowI ’ l l geti tfi xedf ornot hi ng.‘ Sa y ,ar en’ ty ouGeor ge’ sbr ot her i n –l a w?Youar ej us tt h eguyIwant edt osee .Iha v es omegr eatbu si ne sst hatIt hi n ky oucanhan dl e f ormeWe ’ l l bot hbenefi t .Youl ookl i k et her i ghtper s ont or es ear c hi tf orus .Howaboutac upof c off eean dwec ant a l ki to v er ?Byt h ewa y ,h er e ’ smyi n s ur a nc ec ar d .Sa y ,t h at ’ st h es ameco mp an y asy our s .Wha tac oi nc i denc e.Ev e r y t h i ngi swor k i ngoutf ort heb es t .Nopr obl em. ”( Wal k soff hummi ngwi t hne wf r i end,t hei nc i dental r eadyf or got t en. ) Theabo vei l l us t r at esal l t hatweha vebeens ay i ng.I ti sweour s el v eswhoc r eat es t r es sf ul r eac t i ons a sac o ns eq ue nc eofwh atwea r eh ol d i ngwi t h i nu s.Th es up pr e ss edf ee l i n gsde t er mi n eo urb el i e f s y st emsandourper c ept i onofour s el v esandot her s .Thes e,i nt ur n,l i t er al l ycr eat eev ent sand
i nc i dent si nt hewor l d,ev ent st hatwe,t hen,t ur nar oundandbl amef orourr eac t i ons .Thi si ssel f r ei nf or c i ngs y st em ofi l l us i ons .Thi si swhatt heenl i ght enedsagesmeanwhent he ys ay , “ Wear eal l l i v i ngi nani l l us i on. ”Al l t hatwee xper i enc ear eourownt hought s ,f eel i ngs ,andbel i ef spr oj ec t edont o t h ewor l d ,a ct u al l yc au s i n gwh atwes eet oh ap pe n. -Dr .Da v i dHa wk i ns ,Le t t i ngGo:ThePa t hwa yofSur r ender ,Ve r i t as pub,2012.P .20 82 11 .
