Praise for the HONEYMOON EFFECT “A truly remarkable achievement a lifetime of !oy all "elivere" in one concise manuscri#t$ %&veit$rea" t'ice( an" % love" every minute % s#ent 'ith One itof my favorite rea"s ever$) *+r$ ,ayne ,$ +yer “-ruce .i#ton has 'ritten the sin/le best book on love *both #ersonal an" #lanetary*that %&ve ever rea"$ An" %&ve rea" a lot of them0 % kno' -ruce an" his belove" Mar/aret u# close an" #ersonal$ Their relationshi# is !oyful( nurturin/( creative( an" conta/ious$ They live in Heaven on Earth an" so can you$ -ruce uses the #rinci#les of the Ne' 1cience he cham#ions to enli/hten( e2#lain( an" encoura/e us all to embo"y the love that 'e&ve al'ays 'ante"$) *3oan -orysenko( Ph$+$( biolo/ist( #sycholo/ist( an" best4sellin/ author of Min"in/ the -o"y( Men"in/ the Min" “The Honeymoon Effect brin/s the ma/ic of lovin/ relationshi#s ri/ht "o'n to a cellular level an" teaches us ho' to create them for ourselves$)
*Christiane Northru#( M$+$( O-56YN #hysician an" author of the Ne' York Times bestsellers ,omen&s -o"ies( ,omen&s ,is"om an" The ,is"om of Meno#ause “%f you&ve ever 'on"ere" 'hy an e2citin/( ne' relationshi# loses its ma/ic an" shine( you&ll 'ant to rea" this book$ -y un"erstan"in/ the science behin" ho' 'e relate to others( an" learnin/ the strate/ies to successfully connect in the best #ossible 'ay( The Honeymoon Effect is sure to brin/ the luster an" life back to the relationshi#s that matter most$) *Cheryl 7ichar"son( author of You Can Create an E2ce#tional .ife( The Art of E2treme 1elf4Care( The 8nmistakable Touch of 6race( 1tan" 8# for Your .ife( .ife Makeovers( an" Take Time for Your .ife “,hat a #leasure to rea" -ruce&s entertainin/ rom# throu/h the science of lovin/ relationshi#s0 -ruce makes it clear that cou#les can learn a lot from the 9uantum #hysics( biochemistry( an" #sycholo/y that #romote conscious( lovin/ relationshi#s$ 6reat rea"in/ for anyone 'ho 'ants to brin/ a lovin/ relationshi# into his or her life*or maintain one that alrea"yauthor e2ists$) *6ay Hen"ricks( Ph$+$( of The -i/ .ea# an" :'ith +r$ ;athlyn Hen"ricks< Conscious .ovin/
“The Honeymoon Effect is a must4rea" for every cou#le strivin/ to create love an" trust in their relationshi#$ -ruce&s rea"able e2#lanation of the science behin" the ma/ic of love is en/a/in/( ins#irin/( an"( most of all( enli/htenin/0) *Arielle For"( author of ,abi 1abi .ove “A brilliant an" cohesive e2#lanation of ho' 'e fall in love*an" ho' 'e lose it once the Honeymoon Effect #asses$ Ha##ily( .i#ton /ives us an e9ually clear e2#lanation of ho' 'e can mo"ify our subconscious #ro/rammin/ an" transform our most fun"amental #atterns in or"er to reclaim the Honeymoon Effect in all our relationshi#s for the rest of our lives$ .i#ton "ra's on cell biolo/y( the stu"y of noble an"his conscious #arentin/ other thin/s
A.1O -Y -78CE H$ .%PTON( PH$+$ -ooks The -iolo/y of -elief= 8nleashin/ the Po'er of Consciousness( Matter > Miracles? 1#ontaneous Evolution= Our Positive Future :an" a ,ay to 6et There from Here Miracles An %ntro"uction to 1#ontaneous Evolution? 1#ontaneous Ourfrom Positive Ho'Evolution= to 6et There HereFuture an" The ,is"om of Your Cells= Ho' Your -eliefs Control Your -iolo/y ?Available from Hay House Please visit= Hay House 81A= '''$hayhouse$com Hay House Australia= '''$hayhouse$com$au Hay House 8;= '''$hayhouse$co$uk Hay House 1outh Africa= '''$hayhouse$co$Ba Hay House %n"ia= '''$hayhouse$co$in
Co#yri/ht DG by Mountain of .ove Pro"uctions Publishe" an" "istribute" in the 8nite" 1tates by= Hay House( %nc$= '''$hayhouse$com Publishe" an" "istribute" in Australia by= Hay House Australia Pty$ .t"$= '''$hayhouse$com$au Publishe" an" "istribute" in the 8nite" ;in/"om by= Hay House 8;( .t"$= '''$hayhouse$co$uk Publishe" an" "istribute" in the 7e#ublic of 1outh Africa by= Hay House 1A :Pty<( .t"$= '''$hayhouse$co$Ba +istribute" in Cana"a by= 7aincoast= '''$raincoast$com Publishe" in %n"ia by= Hay House Publishers %n"ia= '''$hayhouse$co$in %n"e2er= 1usan E"'ar"s Cover "esi/n= 7obert Mueller 7obert %nterior "esi/n= Pamela Homan illustration= Mueller All ri/hts reserve"$ No #art of this book may be re#ro"uce" by any mechanical( #hoto/ra#hic( or electronic #rocess( or in the form of a #hono/ra#hic recor"in/I nor may it be store" in a retrieval system( transmitte"( or other'ise be co#ie" for #ublic or #rivate use*other than for “fair use) as brief 9uotations embo"ie" in articles an" revie's*'ithout #rior 'ritten #ermission of the #ublisher$ The author of this book "oes not "is#ense me"ical a"vice or #rescribe the use of any techni9ue as a form
of treatment for #hysical( emotional( or me"ical #roblems 'ithout the a"vice of a #hysician( either "irectly or in"irectly$ The intent of the author is only to offer information of a /eneral nature to hel# you in your 9uest for emotional an" s#iritual 'ell4bein/$ %n the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself( 'hich is your constitutional ri/ht( the author an" the #ublisher assume no res#onsibility for your actions$ .ibrary of Con/ress Catalo/in/4in4Publication +ata .i#ton( -ruce H$ The honeymoon effect = the science of creatin/ heaven on earth 5 -ruce H$ .i#ton( Ph$+$ * st e"ition$ #a/es %nclu"es cm references$ biblio/ra#hical %1-N JKL44J4DGL4 :har"cover = alk$ #a#er< $ Man4'oman relationshi#s$ D$ %nter#ersonal relationshi#s$ %$ Title$ HL$.JG DG GD*"cDG DDLKL %1-N= JKL44J4DGL4 G G D st e"ition( May DG
Printe" in the 8nite" 1tates of America
For Heaven on Earth Throu/h .ove for ourselves .ove for one another .ove for our #lanet
CONTENT1 %ntro"uction Cha#ter = Our +rive to -on" Cha#ter D= 6oo" @ibrations Cha#ter G= .ove Potions Cha#ter = Four Min"s +on&t Think Alike Cha#ter = Noble 6ases= 1#rea"in/ Peace( .ove( an" Tulsi Tea E#ilo/ue A##en"i2 A= The Honeymoon Effect Checklist A##en"i2 -= Come"ies for Cinemathera#y 7esources En"notes Ackno'le"/ments About the Author
The Honeymoon Effect= A state of bliss( #assion( ener/y( an" health resultin/ from a hu/e love$ Your life is so beautiful that you can&t 'ait to /et u# to start a ne' "ay an" thank the 8niverse that you are alive$
%NT7O+8CT%ON A lifetime 'ithout .ove is of no account is the'ith ,ater of .ife +rink.ove it "o'n heart an" soul *78M% ,hen % 'as youn/( if anyone ha" ever tol" me % 'oul" be 'ritin/ a book about relationshi#s( %&" have tol" them they 'ere out of their min"$ % thou/ht love 'as a myth "reame" u# by #oets an" Holly'oo" #ro"ucers to make #eo#le feel ba" about 'hat they Ha##ily Evercoul" AfterQ never For/et have$ about it$Everlastin/ loveQ .ike everyone( % 'as #ro/ramme" in a 'ay that enable" some thin/s in my life to come naturally$ My #ro/rammin/ em#hasiBe" the im#ortance of e"ucation$ To my #arents( the value of an e"ucation 'as the "ifference bet'een the life of a "itch"i//er !ust /ettin/ by an" a 'hite4collar e2ecutive 'ith soft han"s an" a soft life$ They 'ere clearly of the o#inion that “You amount to anythin/ in this 'orl" 'ithout an cannot e"ucation$)
6iven their beliefs( unsur#risin/ly( my #arents hel" nothin/ back 'hen it came to e2#an"in/ my e"ucational horiBons$ % vivi"ly recall comin/ home from Mrs$ Novak&s secon"4/ra"e class thrille" by my first look into the amaBin/ microsco#ic 'orl" of sin/le4celle" amoebas an" beautiful unicellular al/ae like the fascinatin/ly name" s#iro/yra$ % burst into the house an" be//e" my mother for a microsco#e of my o'n$ ,ithout any hesitation( she imme"iately "rove me to the store an" bou/ht me my first microsco#e$ This 'as clearly not the same res#onse to the tantrum % ha" thro'n over my "es#erate "esire to /et a 7oy 7o/ers co'boy hat( si24shooter( an" holster0 +es#ite my 7oy 7o/ers #hase( it 'as Albert Einstein 'ho became the iconic hero of my youth= my Mickey Mantle( Cary 6rant( an" Elvis Presley all rolle" into one /iant #ersonality$ % al'ays love" the #hoto that sho'e" him stickin/ out his ton/ue( his hea" covere" 'ith an e2#lo"in/ shock of 'hite hair$ % also love" seein/ Einstein on the tiny screen of the :ne'ly invente"< television in our livin/ room 'here he a##eare" as a lovin/( 'ise( an" #layful /ran"#arent$ Most of all( % took /reat #ri"e in the fact that Einstein( a 3e'ish immi/rant like my father( overcame #re!u"ice throu/h his scientific brilliance$ At times 'hile /ro'in/ u# in ,estchester County( Ne' York( %
felt like an outcastI there 'ere #arents in our to'n 'ho refuse" to allo' me to #lay 'ith their ki"s lest % s#rea" “-olshevism) to them$ %t /ave me a feelin/ of #ri"e an" security to kno' that Einstein( far from bein/ an outcast( 'as a 3e'ish man 'ho 'as res#ecte" an" honore" aroun" the 'orl"$ 6oo" teachers( my e"ucation4is4all family( an" my #assion for s#en"in/ hours at my microsco#e le" to a Ph$+$ in cell biolo/y an" a tenure" #osition at the 8niversity of ,isconsin 1chool of Me"icine an" Public Health$ %ronically( it 'as only 'hen % left my #osition there to e2#lore the “ne' science() inclu"in/ stu"ies on 9uantum mechanics( that % be/an to un"erstan" the #rofoun" nature of my boyhoo" hero Einstein&s contributions to our 'orl"$ ,hile % flourishe" aca"emically( in other areas % 'as a #oster chil" for "ysfunction( es#ecially in the realm of relationshi#s$ % marrie" in my Ds 'hen % 'as too youn/ an" too emotionally immature to be rea"y for a meanin/ful relationshi#$ ,hen after ten years of marria/e % tol" my father % 'as /ettin/ "ivorce"( he a"amantly ar/ue" a/ainst it an" tol" me( “Marria/e is a business$) %n hin"si/ht( my father&s res#onse ma"e sense for someone 'ho emi/rate" in JJ from a 7ussia en/ulfe" in famine( #o/roms( an" revolution*life for
my father an" his family 'as unima/inably har"( an" survival 'as al'ays in 9uestion$ Conse9uently( my father&s "efinition of a relationshi# 'as a 'orkin/ #artnershi# in 'hich marria/e 'as a means of survival( similar to the recruitment of mail4 or"er bri"es by har"scrabble #ioneers 'ho homestea"e" the ,il" ,est in the Ls$ My #arents& marria/e echoe" my father&s “business first) attitu"e even thou/h my mother( 'ho 'as born in America( "i" not share his #hiloso#hy$ My mother an" father 'orke" to/ether si2 "ays a 'eek in a successful family business( but none of their chil"ren can recall seein/ them share a kiss or a romantic moment$ As % entere" my early teens( the "issolution of their marria/e became a##arent 'hen my mother&s an/er over a loveless relationshi# e2acerbate" my father&s "rinkin/$ My youn/er brother an" sister an" % hi" in our closets as fre9uent verbally abusive ar/uments shattere" our formerly #eaceful home$ ,hen my father an" mother finally "eci"e" to live in se#arate be"rooms( an uneasy truce #revaile"$ As many conventionally unha##y #arents "i" in the Js( my #arents staye" to/ether for the sake of the chil"ren*they "ivorce" after my youn/est brother left home for colle/e$
% only 'ish they ha" kno'n that mo"elin/ their "ysfunctional relationshi# 'as far more "ama/in/ to their chil"ren than their se#aration 'oul" have been$ At the time( % blame" my father for our "ysfunctional family life$ -ut 'ith maturity % came to realiBe that both of my #arents 'ere e9ually res#onsible for the "isaster that sabota/e" their relationshi# an" our family harmony$ More im#ortant( % be/an to see ho' their behavior( #ro/ramme" into my subconscious min"( influence" an" un"ermine" my efforts to create lovin/ relationshi#s 'ith the 'omen in my life$ %n the meantime % e2#erience" years of #ain$ The "issolution of my o'n marria/e 'as emotionally "evastatin/( es#ecially because my t'o 'on"erful "au/hters( no' lovin/ an" accom#lishe" 'omen( 'ere !ust little /irls$ %t 'as so "evastatin/ that % vo'e" never to marry a/ain$ Convince" that true love 'as a myth*at least for me *every "ay for K years % re#eate" this mantra 'hen % shave"= “% 'on&t /et marrie" a/ain$ % 'on&t /et marrie" a/ain$) Nee"less to say( % 'asn&t committe"4relationshi# material0 -ut "es#ite my mornin/ ritual( % coul"n&t i/nore 'hat is a biolo/ical im#erative for all or/anisms( from
sin/le cells to our 4trillion4celle" bo"ies*the "rive to connect 'ith another or/anism$ The first -i/ .ove % e2#erience" 'as a clichR= an ol"er man 'ith a ba" case of arreste" emotional "evelo#ment falls in love 'ith a youn/er 'oman an" e2#eriences an intense( hormone4"riven( teena/e4style affair$ For a year % floate" ha##ily throu/h life hi/h on “love #otions() the neurochemicals an" hormones coursin/ throu/h my bloo" that you&ll rea" about in Cha#ter G$ ,hen my teena/e4style love affair inevitably crashe" an" burne" :sayin/ she nee"e" “s#ace() she ro"e her bicycle a very short s#ace a'ay into the arms of a car"iovascular sur/eon<( % s#ent a year in my bi/( em#ty house 'allo'in/ in #ain an" #inin/ for the 'oman 'ho ha" left me$ Col" turkey is horrible( not !ust for heroin a""icts but also for those 'hose biochemistry reverts to every"ay hormones an" neurochemicals in the 'ake of a faile" love affair$ One col" ,isconsin 'inter "ay % 'as sittin/ alone :as usual<( ruminatin/ a/ain about the 'oman 'ho ha" left me$ % su""enly thou/ht( 6o""ammit( leave me alone0 A 'ise voice that occasionally a##ears at #ivotal times of my life res#on"e"( “-ruce( isn&t that e2actly 'hat she "i"Q) % burst out lau/hin/ an" that
broke the s#ell$ From then on( any time % starte" obsessin/( % 'oul" lau/h$ Finally( % ha" /otten #ast 'ith"ra'al throu/h lau/hter( thou/h % still ha" a lon/ 'ay to /o to /et my act to/ether0 Ho' far % 'as from /ettin/ my act to/ether became crystal clear to me 'hen % move" to the Caribbean to teach at an offshore me"ical school$ % 'as livin/ in the most beautiful #lace on Earth in a villa by the ocean 'ith /or/eous( s'eet4smellin/ flo'ersI the villa even came 'ith a /ar"ener an" a cook$ % 'ante" to share my ne' life 'ith someone :thou/h of course not /et marrie"*% 'as still fi2ate" on my mornin/ mantra<$ % 'ante" more than a se2ual #artner$ % 'ante" someone % coul" share my ne' life 'ith in the most beautiful #lace on Earth$ -ut the har"er % looke"( the less % foun"( even thou/h % ha" 'hat % thou/ht 'as the 'orl"&s best #icku# line= “%f you&re not "oin/ anythin/( ho' about han/in/ out 'ith me at my Caribbean villaQ) One ni/ht % trie" 'hat shoul" have been my surefire #icku# line on a 'oman 'ho ha" !ust arrive" on 6rena"a( the #icture4#erfect islan" % ha" come to love$ ,e 'ent to the yacht club bar an" chatte"$ % thou/ht she 'as interestin/( so % aske" her to stay for
a 'hile instea" of /oin/ back to her !ob 'orkin/ on a yacht$ 1he looke" me in the eye an" sai"( “No( % coul" never be 'ith you$ You&re too nee"y$) The bullet hit*% 'as blo'n back into my chair in silence$ After a lon/( stunne" moment( % recovere" my s#eech an" mana/e" to say( “Thank you$ % nee"e" to hear that$) Not only "i" % kno' she 'as ri/htI % kne' that % nee"e" to /et my o'n life to/ether before % coul" have the truly lovin/ relationshi# % so "es#erately 'ante"$ Then a funny thin/ ha##ene"= as soon as % let /o of my "es#erate 9uest for a relationshi#( 'omen 'ho 'ante" a relationshi# 'ith me starte" to a##ear in my life$ Finally( the true ins#iration for this book( my belove" Mar/aret( entere" my life an" 'e starte" livin/ our lives like those #ortraye" in the romantic come"ies % once "ismisse" as fantasy$ -ut that&s /ettin/ ahea" of the story$ First % ha" to learn that % 'as not “fate") to be alone( that % 'as not “fate") to have to settle for a series of faile" relationshi#s$ % ha" to learn that not only ha" % create" every faile" relationshi# in my life( % coul" create the 'on"erful relationshi# % 'ante"0 The first ste# be/an in the Caribbean 'hen % e2#erience" the scientific e#i#hany % "escribe" in my first book( The -iolo/y of -elief$ ,hile mullin/ over my research on cells( % realiBe" that cells are not
controlle" by /enes an" neither are 'e$ That eureka instant 'as the be/innin/ of my transition( as % chronicle" in that book( from an a/nostic scientist into a 7umi49uotin/ scientist 'ho believes that 'e all have the ca#acity to create our o'n Heaven on Earth an" that eternal life transcen"s the bo"y$ That instant 'as also the be/innin/ of my transition from a marria/e4#hobic ske#tic into an a"ult 'ho finally took res#onsibility for every faile" relationshi# in his life an" realiBe" he coul" create the relationshi# of his "reams$ %n this book( %&ll chronicle that transition usin/ some of the same science outline" in The -iolo/y of -elief :an" more<$ %&ll e2#lain 'hy it is not your hormones( your neurochemicals( your /enes( or your less4than4i"eal u#brin/in/ that #revents you from creatin/ the relationshi#s you say you 'ant$ Your beliefs are #reventin/ you from e2#eriencin/ those elusive( lovin/ relationshi#s$ Chan/e your beliefs( chan/e your relationshi#s$ Of course( it&s more com#licate" than that( because in relationshi#s bet'een t'o #eo#le there are actually four min"s at 'ork$ 8nless you un"erstan" ho' those four min"s can 'ork a/ainst one another( even 'ith the best of intentions( you&ll be “lookin/ for love in all the 'ron/ #laces$)
That&s 'hy self4hel# books an" thera#y so often foster insi/ht but not actual chan/e*they only "eal 'ith t'o of the four min"s at 'ork in relationshi#s0 Think back to the most s#ectacular love affair of your life*the -i/ One that to##le" you hea" over heels$ You ma"e love for "ays on en"( "i"n&t nee" foo"( barely nee"e" 'ater( an" ha" en"less ener/y= it 'as the Honeymoon Effect that 'as to last forever$ 1o often( thou/h( the honeymoon "evolves into "aily bickerin/( maybe "ivorce( or !ust tolerance$ The /oo" ne's is that it "oesn&t have to en" that 'ay$ You mi/ht think that your -i/ .ove 'as a coinci"ence at best or a "elusion at 'orst( an" that the colla#se of your -i/ .ove 'as ba" luck$ -ut in this book( %&ll e2#lain ho' you create" the Honeymoon Effect in your life an" its "emise as 'ell$ Once you kno' ho' you create" it an" ho' you lost it( you can( like me( 9uit 'hinin/ about your ba" karma in relationshi#s an" create a ha##ily4ever4after relationshi# that even a Holly'oo" #ro"ucer 'oul" love$ After "eca"es of failure( that&s 'hat % finally manifeste"0 -ecause so many #eo#le have aske" ho' 'e "i" it( Mar/aret an" % 'ill e2#lain in the E#ilo/ue ho' 'e&ve mana/e" to create our ha##ily4ever4after Honeymoon Effect for K years an" countin/$ ,e 'ant
to share our story because love is the most #otent /ro'th factor for human bein/s( an" love is conta/ious0 As you&ll fin" 'hen you create the Honeymoon Effect in your o'n life( you&ll attract similarly lovin/ #eo#le to you*an" the more the merrier$ .et&s take 7umi&s ei/ht4centuries4ol" a"vice an" revel in our love for one another so this #lanet can finally evolve into a better #lace 'here all or/anisms can live their o'n Heaven on Earth$ My ho#e is that this book 'ill launch you on a !ourney( as that instant in the Caribbean launche" me( to create the Honeymoon Effect each an" every "ay of your life$
CHAPTE7 Our +rive to -on" %t is beyon" our ima/ination to conceive of a sin/le form of life that e2ists alone an" in"e#en"ent( unattache" to other forms$ *.E,%1 THOMA1 %f you&re a survivor of multi#le faile" relationshi#s( you may 'on"er 'hy you kee# tryin/$ % can assure you that you "on&t #ersist !ust for the :sometimes short4live"< /oo" times$ An" you "on&t #ersist because of a"s featurin/ on tro#ical YouT@#ersist( "es#itelovin/ your cou#les track recor" an" islan"s$ "es#ite "ismal "ivorce statistics( because you are "esi/ne" to bon"$ Human bein/s are not meant to live alone$ There is a fun"amental biolo/ical im#erative that #ro#els you an" every or/anism on this #lanet to be in a community( to be in relationshi# 'ith other or/anisms$ ,hether you&re thinkin/ about it consciously or not( your biolo/y is #ushin/ you to bon"$ %n fact( the comin/ to/ether of in"ivi"uals in community :startin/ 'ith t'o< is a #rinci#le force that "rives biolo/ical evolution( a #henomenon % call
s#ontaneous evolution( 'hich % cover in "e#th in the book of the same name$ There are( of course( a""itional biolo/ical im#eratives "esi/ne" to ensure in"ivi"ual an" s#ecies survival= the "rive for foo"( for se2( for /ro'th( for #rotection( an" the ferocious( ine2#licable "rive to fi/ht for life$ ,e "on&t kno' 'here or ho' the 'ill to live is #ro/ramme" into cells( but it is a fact that no or/anism 'ill rea"ily /ive u# its life$ Try to kill the most #rimitive of or/anisms an" that bacterium "oesn&t say( “Okay( %&ll 'ait until you kill me$) %nstea"( it 'ill make every evasive maneuver in its #o'er to sustain its survival$ ,hen our biolo/ical "rives are not bein/ fulfille"( 'hen our survival is threatene"( 'e /et a feelin/ in the #it of our stomach that somethin/ is 'ron/ even before our conscious min"s com#rehen" the "an/er$ That /ut feelin/ is bein/ felt /lobally ri/ht no'* many of us are feelin/ that #it in our stomach as 'e #on"er the survivability of our environmentally "ama/e" #lanet an" of the human bein/s 'ho have "ama/e" it$ Most of this book focuses on ho' in"ivi"uals can create or rekin"le 'on"erful relationshi#s( but in the final cha#ter %&ll e2#lain ho' the ener/y create" by “Heaven on Earth) relationshi#s can heal the #lanet an" save our s#ecies$
That&s a tall or"er( % kno'( but 'e have at han" an e2tremely successful mo"el for creatin/ healin/ relationshi#s that 'ill ultimately lea" to the healin/ of our #lanet$ As the ancient mystics have sai"( “The ans'ers lie 'ithin$) The nature an" #o'er of harmonious relationshi#s can be seen in the community of the trillions of cells that coo#erate to form every human bein/$ This mi/ht at first seem stran/e to you because 'hen you look in the mirror( you mi/ht lo/ically conclu"e that you are a sin/le entity$ -ut that is a ma!or mis#erce#tion0 A human bein/ is actually a community ma"e u# of trillion sentient cells 'ithin a skin4covere" #etri "ish( a sur#risin/ insi/ht %&ll e2#lain further in Cha#ter G$ As a cell biolo/ist( % s#ent many hours ha##ily stu"yin/ the behavior an" fate of stem cells in #lastic culture "ishes$ The trillions of cells 'ithin each skin4 covere" human bo"y live far more harmoniously than feu"in/ cou#les an" strife4ri""en human communities$ This is one e2cellent reason 'hy 'e can learn valuable insi/hts from them= trillion sentient cells( trillion citiBens livin/ to/ether #eacefully in a remarkably com#le2 community$ All the cells have !obs$ All the cells have health care( #rotection( an" a viable economy :base" on an e2chan/e of ATP molecules( units of ener/y biolo/ists often refer to as
the “coin of the realm)<$ %n com#arison( humanity&s !ob*fi/urin/ out the lo/istics of ho' a relatively measly seven billion humans can 'ork to/ether in harmony*looks easy$ An" com#are" to the 4 trillion4celle"4coo#erative human community( each cou#le&s !ob*fi/urin/ out ho' t'o human bein/s can communicate an" 'ork to/ether in harmony*seems like a #iece of cake :thou/h % kno' that at times it seems like the har"est challen/e 'e face on Earth<$ % /rant you that sin/le4celle" or/anisms( 'hich 'ere the first life forms on this #lanet( s#ent a lot of time* almost three billion years*fi/urin/ out ho' to bon" 'ith one another$ Even % "i"n&t take that lon/0 An" 'hen they "i" start comin/ to/ether to create multicellular life forms( they initially or/aniBe" as loose communities( or “colonies() of sin/le4celle" or/anisms$ -ut the evolutionary a"vanta/e of livin/ in a community :more a'areness of the environment an" a share" 'orkloa"< soon le" to hi/hly structure" or/anisms com#ose" of millions( billions( an" then trillions of socially interactive sin/le cells$ These multicellular communities ran/e in siBe from the microsco#ic to those easily seen by the nake" eye= a bacterium( an amoeba( an ant( a "o/( a human bein/( an" so on$ Yes( even bacteria "o not live aloneI
they form "is#erse" communities that kee# in constant communication via chemical si/nals an" viruses$ Once cells fi/ure" out a 'ay to 'ork to/ether to create or/anisms of all siBes an" sha#es( the ne'ly evolve" multicellular or/anisms also starte" to assemble into communities themselves$ For e2am#le( on the macro level( the as#en tree :Po#ulus tremuloi"es< forms a su#eror/anism ma"e u# of lar/e stan"s of /enetically i"entical trees :technically( stems< connecte" by a sin/le un"er/roun" root system$ The lar/est kno'n( fully connecte" as#en is a 4 acre /rove in 8tah nickname" Pan"o that some e2#erts conten" is the lar/est or/anism in the 'orl"$ The social nature of harmonious multior/anism societies can #rovi"e fun"amental insi/hts "irectly a##licable to human civiliBation$ One /reat e2am#le is an ant( 'hich( like a human bein/( is a multicellular social or/anismI 'hen you take an ant out of its community it 'ill "ie$ %n fact( an in"ivi"ual ant is really a subor/anismI the true or/anism is actually re#resente" by the ant colony$ .e'is Thomas "escribe" ants this 'ay= “Ants are so much like human bein/s as to be an embarrassment$ They farm fun/i( raise a#hi"s as livestock( launch armies into 'ar( use chemical s#rays to alarm an" confuse enemies( ca#ture slaves en/a/e in chil" labor
e2chan/e information ceaselessly$ They "o everythin/ but 'atch television$)D Nature&s "rive to form community is also easy to observe in mammalian s#ecies( such as horses$ 7ambunctious colts run aroun" an" irritate their #arents !ust as human chil"ren can$ To /et the colts in line( their #arents ni# their offs#rin/ as a form of ne/ative reinforcement$ %f those little bites "on&t 'ork( the #arents move on to the most effective #unishment of all*they force the misbehavin/ colt out of the /rou# an" "o not let it return to the community$ That turns out to be the ultimate #unishment for even the friskiest( least controllable colt( 'hich 'ill "o anythin/ in its behavioral ca#acity to re!oin the community$ As for human communities( 'e can fen" for ourselves as in"ivi"uals lon/er than a sin/le ant can( but 'e&re likely to /o craBy in the #rocess$ %&m remin"e" of the movie Cast A'ay( in 'hich Tom Hanks #lays a man 'ho is maroone" on an islan" in the 1outh Pacific$ He uses his o'n bloo"y han" to im#rint a face on a ,ilson 1#ortin/ 6oo"s volleyball he calls “,ilson) so he can have someone to talk to$ Finally( after four years( he takes the risky ste# of venturin/ off the islan" in a makeshift raft because he&" rather "ie tryin/ to fin" someone to communicate
'ith than stay by himself on the islan"( even thou/h he has fi/ure" out ho' to secure foo" an" "rink*that is( ho' to survive$ Most #eo#le think that the "rive to #ro#a/ate is the most fun"amental biolo/ical im#erative for humans( an" there&s no "oubt that re#ro"uction of the in"ivi"ual is fun"amental to s#ecies survival$ That&s 'hy for most of us se2 is so #leasurable*Nature 'ante" to ensure that humans have the "esire to #rocreate an" sustain the s#ecies$ -ut Hanks "oesn&t venture off the islan" to #ro#a/ateI he ventures off the islan" to communicate 'ith someone other than a volleyball$ For humans( comin/ to/ether in #airs :biolo/ists call it “#air cou#lin/)< is about more than se2 for #ro#a/ation$ %n a lecture entitle" “The 8ni9ueness of Humans() neurobiolo/ist an" #rimatolo/ist 7obert M$ 1a#olsky e2#lains ho' uni9ue humans are in this re/ar"= 1ome of the time( thou/h( the challen/e is 'e&re "ealin/ 'ith somethin/ 'here 'e are sim#ly uni9ue *there is no #rece"ent out there in the animal 'orl"$ .et me /ive you an e2am#le of this$ A shockin/ one$en" Okay$ You"ay$ haveThey a cou#le$ Theyeat come home at the of the talk$ They "inner$ They talk$ They /o to be"$ They have se2$
They talk some more$ They /o to slee#$ The ne2t "ay they "o the same e2act thin/$ They come home from 'ork$ They talk$ They eat$ They talk$ They /o to be"$ They have se2$ They talk$ They fall aslee#$ They "o this every "ay for G "ays runnin/$ A /iraffe 'oul" be re#ulse" by this$ Har"ly anybo"y out there has non4re#ro"uctive se2 "ay after "ay an" nobo"y talks about it after'ar"$G For humans( se2 for #ro#a/ation is crucial until a #o#ulation stabiliBes$ ,hen human #o#ulations reach a state of balance an" security( se2 for #ro#a/ation "ecreases$ %n the 8nite" 1tates( 'here most #arents e2#ect their chil"ren to survive an" also e2#ect that they themselves 'on&t be out on the streets 'ith a cu# 'hen ol"(than the avera/e number of #er familythey&re is fe'er t'o$ Ho'ever( anyoffs#rin/ #o#ulation that is threatene" 'ill initiate re#ro"uction earlier an" re#ro"uce more*they&re unconsciously "oin/ the calculation that some of their chil"ren are not /oin/ to survive an" that they&ll nee" more than t'o chil"ren to share the loa" of hel#in/ to su##ort them 'hen they&re ol"$ %n %n"ia( for e2am#le( thou/h the fertility rate "ro##e" J #ercent in a "eca"e to D$D( in the #oorest areas 'here families face tremen"ous challen/es to survive( the rate can be three times hi/her$
-ut even in societies 'here the "rive to re#ro"uce is curtaile"( there is still an incentive for cou#lin/ because the "rive to bon" trum#s the "rive to #rocreate$ Cou#les 'ho "on&t have chil"ren can create 'on"erful relationshi#s( an" many make a conscious "ecision not to have chil"ren$ %n T'o %s Enou/h= A Cou#le&s 6ui"e to .ivin/ Chil"less by Choice( author .aura 1$ 1cott e2#lores 'hy some for/o the e2#erience$ 1cott starts off the book 'ith a conversation 'ith a frien"&s husban"( 'ho 'as at the time a ne' "a"= “1o 'hy "i" you /et marrie" if you "i"n&t 'ant ki"sQ) HuhQ .ove com#anionshi#( % blurte"$ His 9uestion startle" me( ren"erin/ me uncharacteristically short of 'or"s He cocke" his hea" an" 'aite" for more( his curiosity /enuine$ %n that moment( % reco/niBe" !ust ho' stran/e % must have seeme" to him$ Here 'as a #erson 'ho coul" not ima/ine life 'ithout ki"s tryin/ to un"erstan" a #erson 'ho coul" not ima/ine a life 'ith ki"s$ 1cott starte" researchin/ the sub!ect an" foun" that accor"in/ to a D Current Po#ulation 1urvey( G million marrie" cou#les in the 8nite" 1tates "o not have chil"ren an" that the 8nite" 1tates Census -ureau #re"icte" that marrie" cou#les 'ith chil"ren
'oul" account for only D #ercent of househol"s by D$ 1cott also "i" her o'n survey of cou#les 'ho are chil"less by choice an" foun" that one im#ortant motive for not havin/ chil"ren 'as ho' much the cou#les value" their relationshi#s$ 1ai" one of the surveye" husban"s( “,e have a ha##y( lovin/( fulfillin/ relationshi# as 'e are no'$ %t&s reassurin/ to think that the "ynamic of my relationshi# 'ith my 'ife 'on&t chan/e$) Perha#s if more #eo#le realiBe" that cou#lin/ in hi/her or/anisms is fun"amentally about bon"in/( not only about the "rive to re#ro"uce( there 'oul" be less #re!u"ice a/ainst homose2uality$ %n fact( homose2uality is natural an" common in the animal kin/"om$ %n a DJ revie' of the scientific literature( 8niversity of California at 7iversi"e biolo/ists Nathan ,$ -ailey an" Marlene Suk( 'ho a"vocate more stu"y about the evolutionary im#etus for homose2ual behavior( state( “The variety an" ubi9uity of same4se2 se2ual behavior in animals is im#ressiveI many thousan"s of instances of same4se2 courtshi#( #air bon"in/ an" co#ulation have been observe" in a 'i"e ran/e of s#ecies( inclu"in/ mammals( bir"s( re#tiles( am#hibians( insects( mollusks( an" nemato"es$)K One e2am#le is silver /ullsI D #ercent of female silver /ulls #air 'ith another female at least
once in their lifetimes an" #ercent are e2clusively lesbian$L 1ince 'e&re "riven to form bon"s( 'hether they are homose2ual or heterose2ual( 'e nee" to un"erstan" ho' Nature inten"e" us to bon"( 'hich is the to#ic of this book$ 8ntil 'e successfully learn ho' to cou#le( ho' can 'e follo' the e2am#le of cells to create lar/er coo#erative communitiesQ 8ntil 'e successfully learn ho' to cou#le better( the ne2t sta/e of our evolution( 'herein humans assemble to form the lar/er su#eror/anism humanity( is stalle"$ %f ants can "o it( so can 'e humans0 The /oo" ne's is that the story of evolution is not only a story of the survival of coo#erative communities but also a story of re#eatin/ #atterns that can be un"erstoo" throu/h /eometry( the mathematics of #uttin/ structure into s#ace$ Humans "i"n&t create /eometry*they "erive" it from stu"yin/ the structure of the 8niverse because it #rovi"es a 'ay of un"erstan"in/ the or/aniBation of Nature$ As Plato 'rote( “6eometry e2iste" before creation$) The re#eatin/ #atterns of the ne' /eometry( fractal /eometry( reveal a sur#risin/ insi/ht into the nature of the 8niverse&s structure$ Even thou/h 'e kno' in the #it of our stomach that 'e are at a crisis #oint( fractal /eometry makes it clear( as %&ll e2#lain later( that the
#lanet has been in "ire straits before$ Each time( thou/h there 'ere casualties alon/ the 'ay :most notoriously "inosaurs<( somethin/ better emer/e" out of the crisis$ The mathematical com#utations involve" in fractal /eometry are actually 9uite sim#leI e9uations use only multi#lication( a""ition( an" subtraction$ ,hen one of these e9uations is solve"( the ans'er is reinserte" into the ori/inal e9uation an" solve" a/ain$ This “recursive) #attern can be re#eate" infinitely$ ,hen fractal e9uations are re#eate"ly solve" more than a million times :com#utations ma"e #ossible by the a"vent of #o'erful com#uters<( visual /eometric #atterns emer/e$ %t turns out that an inherent characteristic of fractal /eometry is the creation of ever4re#eatin/( “self4similar) #atterns neste" 'ithin one another$ The tra"itional 7ussian matryoshka "oll #rovi"es a /reat ima/e for un"erstan"in/ fractal #atterns$ A symbol of motherhoo" an" fertility( the "oll is actually a set of 'oo"en "olls of "ecreasin/ siBe that nest into each other$ Each "oll is a miniature thou/h not necessarily e2act re#lica of the lar/er ones$ 3ust like 7ussian nestin/ "olls( the re#eatin/ #atterns in Nature make its fractal or/aniBation clear$ For e2am#le( the #attern of t'i/s on a tree branch
resembles the #attern of limbs branchin/ off the trunk$ The #attern of a ma!or river is similar to the #atterns of its smaller tributaries$ %n the human lun/( the #attern of branchin/ alon/ the lar/e bronchus air'ay is re#eate" in the smaller bronchioles$ No matter ho' com#licate" or/anisms are( they "is#lay re#etitive #atterns$ These iterative #atterns hel# make the natural 'orl" more com#rehensible$ +es#ite the evolution of increasin/ com#le2ity in the structure of coo#erative multicellular communities( the amaBin/ fact is that in the #hysiolo/y of humans*the or/anisms that are #resumably at the to# of the evolutionary la""er* there are no ne' functions that aren&t alrea"y #resent in sim#le cells at the bottom of the evolutionary la""er$ +i/estive( e2cretory( car"iovascular( nervous( an" even immune systems are #resent in virtually all of the sin/le cells that com#rise our bo"ies$ 1ho' me a function in your human bo"y an" %&ll sho' you 'here it ori/inally arose in the sin/le cell$ These re#eatin/ fractal #atterns mean that everythin/ 'e learn from Nature&s sim#le or/anisms a##lies to more com#le2 or/anisms as 'ell as to us humans$ 1o if you 'ant to un"erstan" the nature of the 8niverse( you "on&t have to take on the 'hole thin/*you can stu"y its com#onents as % "i" 'hen % 'as a cell biolo/ist$
Fractal /eometry&s re#eatin/ #atterns #rovi"e a scientific frame'ork for the #rinci#le that mystics call “as above( so belo'$) ,e are clearly #art of the 8niverse( not an a""4on afterthou/ht 'hose !ob is to “con9uer) Nature$ A bios#here built on the re#etitive #atterns of fractal /eometry also offers an o##ortunity to #re"ict the future of evolution by lookin/ back on its history$ %n contrast( conventional +ar'inian theory hol"s that evolution is initiate" by ran"om mutations( /enetic “acci"ents() 'hich im#lies that 'e cannot #re"ict the future$ -ut follo'in/ in the footste#s of cells( our future shoul" be one of more an" more coo#eration an" more an" more harmony so that humans :startin/ 'ith #air4bon"e" t'os< can learn to coo#erate to form the lar/er evolve" communal or/anism "efine" as humanity$ %nstea" of cursin/ our ba" luck in relationshi#s( 'e nee" to reco/niBe that our efforts at bon"in/ are a fun"amental "rive of Nature an" that these bon"s can be coo#erative an" harmonious$ ,e nee" to hee" 7umi&s sa/e a"vice= “Yester"ay % 'as clever( so % 'ante" to chan/e the 'orl"$ To"ay % am 'ise( so % am chan/in/ myself$) ,hen 'e start livin/ in harmony 'ith Nature :an" 'ith ourselves<( 'e can move on to creatin/ the Honeymoon Effect in our lives( 'here
relationshi#s are base" on love( coo#eration( an" communication$ %n the ne2t cha#ter( 'e&ll e2#lore the most fun"amental form of communication amon/ or/anisms= ener/y vibrations$
CHAPTE7 D 6oo" @ibrations % believe that there is a subtle ma/netism in Nature( 'hich( if 'e unconsciously yiel" to it( 'ill "irect us ari/ht$ *HEN7Y +A@%+ THO7EA8 % 'as livin/ in #ara"ise( a'ay from the le/al an" financial battles that ha" en/ulfe" my life( 'hen % ma"e a mistake no self4res#ectin/ nonhuman mammal 'oul" ever make$ +oes a /aBelle hesitate 'hen he5she senses the #resence a lionessQ the /aBelle amble over to her an"ofask( “Are you+oes my frien"Q) Of course not$ As soon as the /aBelle senses a lioness&s #resence( the /aBelle makes tracks at a #henomenal s#ee"*u# to miles #er hour*to avoi" becomin/ "inner$ -ut 'hen a human #re"ator 'ho ma"e my skin cra'l move" in t'o "oors from me( 'hat "i" % "oQ Take the olive4/reenish tint of his skin as a 'arnin/Q Take the uh4oh4there&s4no4esca#e4in4this4"ark4alley #oun"in/ of my heart as a 'arnin/Q Take the ima/e of a "evil
that invariably came to me 'hen % sa' him as a si/n to stay a'ayQ No$ %nstea"( % 'orke" very har" to talk myself out of my visceral abhorrence of him$ After all( % 'as transitionin/ from a/nostic #rofessor to enli/htene" s#iritual scientist$ % 'as focusin/ on #ositive thinkin/( 'hich meant % "i"n&t 'ant to think about or ackno'le"/e the reality of human #re"ators$ % 'as also tryin/ to focus on for/iveness$ %n a""ition to lookin/ "evilish to me( this man&s #hysical a##earance 'as very similar to that of a man 'ho ha" "ra//e" me into a court battle( someone % thou/ht at the time mi/ht turn aroun" if % focuse" on for/ivin/ him$ :1hort story$ %n this case it hasn&t 'orke" yet$< % stru//le" 'ith my abhorrence by en/a/in/ in i"le conversation 'ith him*% 'orke" at bein/ verbally civil an" succee"e"$ My min" rationaliBe" the an/st % felt every time % sa' him( vie'in/ it as some form of Ne' A/e #enance$ About a year after % met my #re"ator nei/hbor( the movers arrive" to #ack u# my stuff for my move from -arba"os to 6rena"a$ ,hen the me"ical school 'here % 'as teachin/ ha" transferre" me( % thou/ht my beneficence ha" been re'ar"e" in t'o 'ays$ First an" foremost( % 'as thrille" that % 'oul" never a/ain have to see the man 'ho still ma"e my skin cra'l$ 1econ"( %
thou/ht that my instincts must have been 'ron/ because he sho'e" u# to hel# loa" all my #ossessions :minus one suitcase for a 9uick tri# back to the 1tates<( inclu"in/ my belove" hi/h4en" #hoto/ra#hy e9ui#ment( onto the "elivery truck$ He 'asn&t such a ba" /uy after all( my rational min" 'as tellin/ me$ All the 'hile( my still erratically behavin/ heart 'ante" to esca#e0 The truth came crashin/ "o'n 'hen % fle' back to the Caribbean an" learne" :after ba"/erin/ the movers for several "ays< that my stuff 'as never /oin/ to arrive$ My #re"ator nei/hbor ha" /one to the "elivery com#any&s office the "ay after % left -arba"os( cancele" the shi#ment( /otten a refun" of my money( stolen all my stuff( an" then vanishe" from -arba"os$ ,hat 'as su##ose" to be a lesson in for/iveness an" #ositive thinkin/ en"e" u# bein/ a lesson in ho' to "eal 'ith the loss of everythin/ % o'ne"$ A/ain$ That 'as the fourth an"( % ho#e( final time % lost all my #ossessions$ Yes( % have ha" an eventful life0 More im#ortant for this cha#ter( the loss of all my #ossessions 'as a #ainful lesson for me about the im#ortance of trustin/ “ba" vibes) an" “/oo" vibes$) All or/anisms on this #lanet use vibration :aka ener/y< as a #rimary means of communication$ %
learne" the har" 'ay that i/norin/ this #rimary means of communication is a hu/e mistake( one 'e humans make all the time$ Essentially( 'e buy the -rooklyn -ri"/e even thou/h on some level 'e kno' 'e&re bein/ ha"$ ,e overri"e our feelin/s 'hen our rational min"s focus on 'or"s( es#ecially 'hen they&re s#oken by silver4ton/ue" s'in"lers :or lovers<$ The #roblem 'ith 'or"s( as much as % love them( is that they can cover u# far more reliable ener/etic communication$ % once hear" a line of "ialo/ue in a movie at G A$M$( !ust as % 'as startin/ to "oBe off( a line memorable enou/h to make me ha##y % ha" staye" u# half the ni/ht= “.an/ua/e 'as "esi/ne" to hi"e feelin/s$) There 'as nothin/ my #re"ator nei/hbor ha" sai" that 'oul" have ti##e" me off to his chosen career as a scam artist$ There 'as nothin/ % sai" that 'oul" have ti##e" him off to the fact that % 'as on to him$ Yet as much as % trie" to talk myself out of it( on some level % kne' because % coul" rea" his ener/y( his ba" vibrations$ To create the Honeymoon Effect in your life( you&ll nee" to take a"vanta/e of your 'on"erful innate /ift( the ability to sense /oo" an" ba" vibrations$ An" to "o so you&ll likely have to overcome the #ro/rammin/ you receive" in your youth( althou/h that&s not the
only #ro/rammin/ you&ll have to un"o( as % 'ill e2#lain in Cha#ter $ 1o many of us learne" from a youn/ a/e to i/nore messa/es 'e receive ener/etically= “+on&t listen to your feelin/s$ .isten to the 'or"s$) 1o 'e talk ourselves out of 'hat 'e kno' viscerally5ener/etically$ ,e i/nore 'arnin/s si/ns like He&s lyin/ 'hen he says he loves me$ ,e feel /uilty :as % "i" about my stron/ "islike for my nei/hbor< so 'e rationaliBe( tellin/ ourselves( % must be 'ron/ because he&s sayin/ all the ri/ht thin/s( an"( after all( % love him an" love con9uers all$ Or 'e i/nore /oo" vibrations$ 1he&s really /reat( but it 'oul" never 'ork out because she&s not my ty#e$ %f “rea"in/) ener/etically transmitte" messa/es soun"s like 'oo4'oo Ne' A/e s#eak to you( it&s not$ Actually it&s mainstream 9uantum #hysics*an" yes( 'e&ve no' come to the real to#ic of this cha#ter0 At one time rea"in/ others& ener/y 'oul" have soun"e" 'oo4'oo to me$ .ike most biolo/ists of my /eneration( % acce#te" the #rinci#les of Ne'tonian #hysics that brilliantly measure an" "escribe ho' the material universe 'orks$ ,hen Ne'ton sho'e" that he 'as able to #re"ict the movements of the solar system by usin/ #hysical "ata only( leavin/ 6o" out of the e9uation( a rift o#ene" u# bet'een science an"
reli/ion$ -y the time % 'as stu"yin/ science( that rift ha" become enormous$ 8ntil recently( life scientists /enerally focuse" on stu"yin/ the #hysical realm an" left the invisible realm to follo'ers of reli/ion( of 'hich % 'as not one$ %n retros#ect( % can see that other scientists an" % 'ere incre"ibly naive to think that the mechanics of the 8niverse coul" be e2#laine" usin/ only hy#errational( tra"itional( Ne'tonian #hysics$ As accurate as Ne'tonian #rinci#les are for the material 'orl"( they are !ust not enou/h to e2#lain this 'orl" that inclu"es /oo" an" ba" vibes( miraculous remissions of "isease( #sychic communication( an" the Honeymoon Effect$ .ike most biolo/ists( % 'as slo' to a"a#t to the #ost4 Ne'tonian 'orl"$ ,hen % finally /ra##le" 'ith 9uantum #hysics( % realiBe" that Ma2 Planck( ,erner Heisenber/( my chil"hoo" hero Albert Einstein( an" other #ioneerin/ thinkers have /iven us a ne' #hysics that offers us a 'in"o' on forces that 'e can&t see but that are truly the stuff of life$ ,hat 9uantum #hysics teaches us is that everythin/ 'e thou/ht 'as #hysical is not #hysical$ %nstea"( everythin/ in this 8niverse is ma"e out of immaterial ener/y( an" everythin/ ra"iates ener/y$ %t is a /iven fact of science that every atom an" every molecule
both ra"iates an" absorbs li/ht :ener/y<$ -ecause all or/anisms are ma"e out of atoms an" molecules( you an" % an" every livin/ thin/ are ra"iatin/ ener/y :“vibes)<$ That inclu"es my #re"ator nei/hbor 'ho 'as ra"iatin/ the kin" of ener/y % shoul" have kno'n to avoi"0 -ut( you #rotest( "oesn&t the fact that you re/ularly stan" on a sta/e an" lecture about the Honeymoon Effect 'ithout fallin/ throu/h the sta/e "emonstrate that you&re a #hysical bein/ an" that the sta/e you "on&t fall throu/h is a material substanceQ No an" no0 On sta/e( %&m stan"in/ on 'hirlin/ vortices of ener/y( 'hich is 'hy % "on&t fall throu/h :thou/h % have fallen off( but that&s another story<$ An" 'hen you look at me( the fact that you see a #hysical bein/ is only an illusion$ % "on&t have any #hysical structure*'hat you&re seein/ are #hotons of li/ht bouncin/ off me0 8nless you&re alrea"y kno'le"/eable about 9uantum #hysics( %&m sure % haven&t convince" you to /ive u# your belief that 'e live in a material 'orl"$ % /rant you that the #rinci#les of 9uantum #hysics are as stran/e as they are 'on"rous$ 1o %&ll e2#lain as best % can ho' it can be that the 'orl" 'e once thou/ht of as material is actually ener/etic$
Ori/inally( Ne'tonian #hysics hel" that the atom 'as the smallest #article of the 8niverse$ %n fact( the 'or" atom comes from the 6reek uncuttable$ Ho'ever( the year LJ marke" the be/innin/ of a renaissance in #hysics that 'oul" forever chan/e our un"erstan"in/ of the 'orl"$ %t 'as at this time that #hysicists be/an to "iscover that atoms are ma"e u# of even smaller #articles$ Electrons 'ere "iscovere" first( follo'e" by #rotons an" neutrons$ These fun"amental subatomic #articles 'ere then foun" to be ma"e u# of a /a//le of even smaller an" stran/ely behavin/ #articles that inclu"e bosons( fermions( an" 9uarks$ The "iscovery of these even smaller subatomic #articles o#ene" u# the ne' 9uantum realm( 'hose 'eir" characteristics confoun"e" the tra"itional #rinci#les of Ne'tonian #hysics$ The 'eir"est characteristic of 9uantum #hysics is that these smaller subatomic #articles are not ma"e of matter*they are not #hysical at all$ % love sho'in/ the follo'in/ ima/e of the Ne'tonian atom versus the 9uantum atom$ The Ne'tonian atom on the left can easily be illustrate" in a concrete manner usin/ marbles an" ball bearin/s*it&s the solar4system4like mo"el on the left that you&ll reco/niBe from school te2tbooks$ The
illustration of the “9uantum atom) on the ri/ht looks like a mistake*it&s blank$ That&s because 9uantum #hysicists have learne" that there is no #hysical substance insi"e atomsI the subunits that com#rise atoms are ma"e out of e2tremely #o'erful invisible ener/y vortices( the e9uivalent of nanotorna"os( not tan/ible matter$ Matter( as it turns out( is a stran/e form of ener/y= it is not #hysical$ For those :inclu"in/ scientists< use" to thinkin/ of this 'orl" as a material one( it&s a har" conce#t to /et your hea" aroun"$ %t may hel# to visualiBe the ener/y com#risin/ an atom as a torna"o hea"e" to'ar" you as you s#ee" your Porsche "o'n an o#en hi/h'ay$ The reason you see the torna"o as a #hysical structure in the illustration belo' is because of the "ust an" rubble cau/ht u# in its 'hirl'in"$ Filter all the "irt an" "ebris out of the torna"o( an" as is reveale" in the ima/e on the ri/ht( it 'oul" have no #hysical structure at allI it is “only) an invisible ener/y force fiel"$ -ut !ust try to continue your !oyri"e at m#h :or less< throu/h the torna"o&s ener/y fiel" an" you&ll e2#erience its force firsthan"$ Your attem#t to "rive the torna"o 'oul"'all be as "isastrous an" fatalthrou/h as crashin/ into a stone because the torna"o&s ener/etic force resists o##osin/ forces :the
s#ee"in/ Porsche<( !ust as #hysical matter :the 'all< "oes$ %n fact( the forces /enerate" by atomic “nanotorna"os) are si/nificantly more #o'erful than those /enerate" by Hurricane ;atrina$ These forces are the reason 'hy( 'hen %&m on sta/e( % "on&t fall throu/h$ %&m stan"in/ on 'hirlin/ vortices of the trillions of atomic nanotorna"os beneath my feet$ 1o let&s follo' this un"erstan"in/ of atoms to its lo/ical conclusion$ Atoms are ma"e out of vortices of ener/y$ That means molecules( 'hich are ma"e u# of atoms( are vortices of ener/y as 'ellI so cells( 'hich are ma"e u# of molecules( are also vortices of ener/yI an" finally( human bein/s( each of 'hom is ma"e u# of trillions of cells( are vortices of ener/y$ %t is true that 'e look as if 'e are #hysical( but it is an illusion( a trick of the li/ht*'e are all ener/y0 ,hat "oes this have to "o 'ith our #ersonal livesQ Nothin/( accor"in/ to conventional #hysics courses that su//est that the #rinci#les of 9uantum mechanics a##ly at only the subatomic level$ -ut some #hysicists conten" as % "o that the #rinci#les of 9uantum mechanics have #rofoun" im#lications for our #ersonal lives$ Once 'e acce#t the fact that 'e are fun"amentally ener/etic bein/s ine2tricably connecte" to the vast( "ynamic ener/etic fiel" 'e are #art of( 'e can no lon/er vie' ourselves as #o'erless( isolate"
in"ivi"uals 'ho ha##en to have 'on the +ar'inian evolutionary lottery$ 3ust as mystics throu/hout history have tol" us( everythin/ in the 8niverse is connecte"= “Enli/htenment( for a 'ave in the ocean( is the moment the 'ave realiBes that it is 'ater() says @ietnamese -u""hist monk Thich Nhat Hanh$ To illustrate the mechanics of the invisible ener/y fiel" of 'hich 'e are a #art an" ho' those mechanics relate to our lives( % like to use familiar e2am#les from the visible 'orl"$ ,hen you "ro# t'o rocks into a #on"( they create ri##les( miniature 'aves$ The ri##les are not the ener/y create" by the "ro##e" rocksI they are a #hysical com#lement of the sha#e of the invisible ener/y$ The 'ater ri##les are create" by the force of movin/ ener/y :remember the torna"o4 an"4Porsche analo/y<( 'hich sha#es the 'ater as it travels across the surface of the #on"$ The story of ri##les= %n Fi/ure A( a fish is contem#latin/ nibblin/ a 'orm 'hile a "ro##e" rock is about to hit the surface of the 'ater$ After the rock hits the 'ater in Fi/ure -( the rock&s kinetic ener/y is transferre" to the 'ater an" ra"iates from the site of im#act a series concentric ri##les$ The movin/ ener/yassha#es theof'ater into miniature 'aves( but the 'ater itself is not really movin/$ This
is illustrate" by the action of the fisherman&s bobber( 'hich lifts u# vertically an" "ro#s "o'n as the 'aves #ass :see arro'<$ The fact that the bobber "oes not move horiBontally alon/ 'ith the ri##les reveals that the 'ater beneath the bobber is not movin/$ The outline of the ri##les reveals the 'avelike character of movin/ ener/y$ Fi/ure C sho's the sha#e of the ener/y 'aves$ The hei/ht an" "e#th of the ri##les reflect the #o'er of the ener/y$ The bi//er the "ro##e" rock( the more ener/y it transfers to the 'ater$ The #o'er of the ener/y( measure" by the ri##le&s ma/nitu"e( is referre" to as the 'ave&s am#litu"e :labele" A<$ The fre9uency of the ener/y( measure" in hertB( is "etermine" by the number of 'ave cycles /enerate" #er secon"$ No' let&s #erform t'o hy#othetical e2#eriments that clearly sho' ho' ener/y interacts$ First( "ro# t'o rocks of the same siBe( from the same hei/ht( an" at e2actly the same time into a #on"$ For this e2#eriment( %&m intereste" in the #oint at 'hich the ri##les ma"e by each of the t'o rocks conver/e$ At one #oint in their conver/ence( you&ll see that the #o'er ofthethehei/ht entan/le" 'aves is am#lifie" because of the ener/y no' combine" 'aves is /reater than the hei/hts of the in"ivi"ual ri##les that
/ive rise to them$ The a""itive #o'er of the 'ave #ro"uce" by t'o entan/le" ener/ies( a #henomenon kno'n as constructive interference because it am#lifies the siBe of the 'ave( is illustrate" belo'$ Constructive interference= %n Fi/ure above( t'o sets of ri##les are movin/ across the surface of the 'ater to'ar" each other$ As illustrate"( both 'aves A an" - are movin/ to'ar" each other 'ith their ri##les in #hase$ %n this case( both 'aves are lea"in/ 'ith their ne/ative am#litu"e$ Their cycle #atterns are ali/ne"I the 'aves are in #hase :harmonic resonance<$ The 'aves mer/e to/ether at the interface 'here t'o ri##les meet$ To illustrate the conse9uence of this mer/er( the 'aves are "ra'n 'ith one above the other in Fi/ure D$ ,here the am#litu"e of A is ( the am#litu"e of - is also $ A"" the t'o to/ether an" the resultin/ am#litu"e of the com#osite 'ave at that #oint is D$ .ike'ise( 'here A is U so is -I to/ether the total am#litu"e 'ill be UD$ The hi/her am#litu"e com#osite 'ave illustrate" in Fi/ure G re#resents an e2am#le of constructive interference$ For the secon" e2#eriment( "ro# one rock sli/htly later than its t'in$ This time you 'on&t see the am#lification of ener/y 'here you sa' it in the first
e2#eriment because the ener/y 'aves are out of sync *they are not in harmonyI 'hen one 'ave is /oin/ u#( the other is /oin/ "o'n$ These out4of4#hase ener/y 'aves cancel each other outI instea" of the ener/y "oublin/( it is "issi#ate" an"( as you&ll see in the follo'in/ chart( instea" of 'aves risin/ at the #oint of conver/ence( the 'ater is calm there$ This #henomenon of cancelin/ ener/y 'aves is calle" "estructive interference because it "iminishes the siBe of the 'ave$ +estructive interference= %n Fi/ure ( the ri##les "erive" from the first rock( labele" as ,ave A( are movin/ from left to ri/ht$ ,ave -( movin/ ri/ht to left( re#resents the ri##les from a secon" rock "ro##e" shortly after the first$ 1ince the rocks "i" not hit the 'ater at the same time( the 'aves 'ill not be ali/ne" 'hen they mer/e at the interfaceI they 'ill be out of #hase$ %n the illustration( ,ave A is lea"in/ 'ith a ne/ative am#litu"e an" ,ave - is lea"in/ 'ith a #ositive am#litu"e$ ,here they meet in Fi/ure D( the 'aves are mirror ima/es of each otherI the hi/h am#litu"e :< of one 'ave is ali/ne" 'ith the am#litu"e :4< other( an" vice versa$ As lo' sho'n in Fi/ure G( of thethe am#litu"e values of each 'ave cancel each other out( so the
com#osite 'ave that has am#litu"e is no 'ave at all it&s flat0 The cancele" ener/y 'aves re#resent an e2am#le of "estructive interference$ %t "oesn&t take a relationshi# e2#ert or a 9uantum #hysicist to kno' 'here %&m /oin/ 'ith this$ 6iven the nature of 9uantum #hysics( the "efinition of love*the "efinition of Ha##ily Ever After*is constructive interference( other'ise kno'n as /oo" vibes$ 6oo" vibes are nature&s 'ay of tellin/ you that you&re in the ri/ht #lace or 'ith the ri/ht #erson$ 3ust bein/ in the same room 'ith a #artner 'ho is in harmony 'ith you lifts your ener/yI to/ether you create ri##les that #ro"uce hi/h4ener/y 'aves$ On the other han"( "estructive interference( other'iseyou kno'n as ba" com#romisin/ vibes( is nature&s 'ay -a" of alertin/ to #otential threats$ vibes in a relationshi# may be your nervous system&s 'arnin/ that you&re han/in/ out 'ith the 'ron/ #erson$ An ener/etically "isharmonious relationshi# likely features shoutin/ matches an" recriminations* even bein/ in the same room 'ith your #artner "e#resses you$ 1o 'hen you “entan/le) :9uantum #hysics terminolo/y< 'ith else&s ener/y( 'antnot the interference to besomeone constructive :/oo" you vibes< "estructive :ba" vibes<$ You 'ant the interaction to
increase your ener/y( not "e#lete it$ No' that you un"erstan" the science behin" a #henomenon that you&ve no "oubt alrea"y notice"*that some #eo#le ener/iBe you an" some #eo#le e2haust you*% ho#e you&ll make it a #ractice to surroun" yourself 'ith #eo#le 'ho enhance your ener/y$ %nci"entally( as the Chinese fi/ure" out lon/ before 9uantum #hysicists "iscovere" the influence of the nonmaterial nature of the 8niverse( you can surroun" yourself 'ith “#hysical) ob!ects that enhance your ener/y as 'ell$ Physical ob!ects vibrate !ust as you "o$ Fen/ shui( 'hich ori/inate" in Chinese astronomy( balances the #hysical ob!ects aroun" you in a 'ay that conforms to your ener/y( thus enhancin/ 9i :ener/y<$ To the ,estern min"( this may seem an o"" conce#t( but you&ve no "oubt alrea"y un"erstoo" its im#act 'ithout realiBin/ it$ Think about /oin/ to a "e#artment store for a sale( say a shoe sale at Nor"strom$ You fin" five #airs of shoes you like$ They&re all the same #rice an" from the same manufacturer( but in "ifferent styles$ Ho' "o you settle on one #airQ Ho' "o you make your final "ecisionQ The ans'er is that the shoes you actually buy make you feel /oo"$ They ener/iBe you more than the other shoes$ You come home 'ith the #air you love( not the other shoes you like$
Another e2am#le is 'hen you visit someone&s house an" think( ,o'( it&s so beautiful*it feels so #eaceful$ % love this house$ That&s a house that resonates 'ell 'ith the ener/y of its occu#ants an" 'ith your ener/y as 'ell$ Or you visit someone else&s house an" think( ,hat&s u# 'ith that flocke" 'all#a#erQ Oh my 6o"( ho' coul" they have #ut that #icture on the 'allQ That house "oesn&t match your ener/y( an" its occu#ants likely "on&t either$ %f % su//est that you /o home an" rea" a book( % bet you&ll /o home an" curl u# in your s#ecial chair( the one you feel most comfortable in( even thou/h there may be an i"entical matchin/ #artner #arke" ri/ht ne2t to it$ %t&s not the chairI it&s the chair&s location in the surroun"in/ ener/y fiel" that makes you feel /oo"0 %n the 'ater ri##le analo/y( the #referre" chair is locate" at the #oint of the conver/ence of the ri##les( 'here they create the most #o'erful constructive interference$ Or a final e2am#le= Have you ever "riven your #artner craBy by rearran/in/ the furniture or insistin/ that all the furniture be re#lace"Q The ur/e to move or re#lace your furniture is often an in"ication that you&ve chan/e" an" the furniture&s ener/y fiel" no lon/er conforms to your ne' ener/y fiel"$ Or maybe you&ve really chan/e" an" you nee" to move out of the
house an" a'ay from your #artner as 'ell because the house an" your s#ouse are no lon/er creatin/ constructive interference #atterns in your life0 The im#ortant #oint is that you shoul"n&t let your rational min" "iscount 'hat your inner voices are tellin/ you 'hether it&s to move your furniture( /et ri" of a #aintin/ that /ives you the cree#s( brin/ a ne' #artner into your life( or( in my case( "isen/a/e from a nei/hbor 'ho makes chills run u# an" "o'n my s#ine$ %f you #ay attention to /oo" an" ba" vibes( you&ll enhance your ener/y( an" 'hen you enhance your ener/y you&ll enhance your life$ %f( on the other han"( you "iscount the im#ortance of rea"in/ /oo" an" ba" vibrations( you may 'alk into the #roverbial lion&s "en or even 'in" u# stayin/ there( makin/ the rest of your life miserable$ For humans( that&s not enou/h$ ,ith our hi/hly evolve" bi/ brains( humans can "o more than rea" /oo" an" ba" vibes*'e can create /oo" an" ba" vibes 'hen 'e broa"cast thou/hts from our brains$ For most #eo#le( this is a har"er conce#t to acce#t than s#iritual connecte"ness( fen/ shui( an" "estructive5constructive interference$ That&s because 'e&re use" to the notion that our thou/hts resi"e insi"e our hea"s*ma""enin/ly so on slee#less ni/hts haunte" by obsessive 'orryin/$
-ut in truth( our brains broa"cast si/nals outsi"e our hea"s into the environment an" res#on" to si/nals from the environment as 'ell$ Mo"ern me"icine e2#loits this t'o4'ay si/nalin/ for "ia/nostic an" treatment #ur#oses$ You&re no "oubt familiar 'ith electroence#halo/ra#hy :EE6<( in 'hich sensors an" 'ires are #lace" on the scal# to rea" the electrical activity of the brain$ Ma/netoence#halo/ra#hy "oes the same thin/( e2ce#t that the #robe use" to rea" the brain&s electroma/netic activity "oesn&t even touch the hea"0 This amaBin/ly noninvasive technolo/y( 'hich is use" for co/nitive research as 'ell as for "ia/nostic #ur#oses such as locatin/ tumors before sur/ery( 'orks because the brain /enerates ener/y fiel"s outsi"e the hea"$ Another noninvasive me"ical technolo/y( transcranial ma/netic stimulation :TM1<( /enerates a ma/netic fiel" outsi"e the hea" to in"uce electrical activity in a tar/ete" #art of the brain$ D %n a DG stu"y( Australian researchers foun" that 'hen they use" TM1 to boost the neural activity of the area of the brain active in autistic savants( they coul" im#rove the "ra'in/ skills of some of their research sub!ects$ G %n D( Yale 8niversity researchers foun" that TM1 re"uce" au"itory hallucinations in schiBo#hrenics$
The most common usa/e of TM1 is to treat "e#ression that has been resistant to other thera#ies$ More than G #ublishe" stu"ies have foun" that TM1 can hel# treatment4resistant "e#ression( 'hich lai" the foun"ation for the Foo" an" +ru/ A"ministration&s "ecision to a##rove the first TM1 "evice for treatment of "e#ression in DL$ %n DD a stu"y #ublishe" in +e#ression an" An2iety in the ,iley Online .ibrary confirme" the efficacy of TM1 for treatment of ma!or "e#ressive "isor"er :M++< in clinical settin/s$ The re#ort( 'hich summariBe" "ata collecte" from D clinical TM1 #ractice sites in the 8nite" 1tates that treate" GK #atients 'ith M++( foun" a L #ercent #ositive res#onse rate amon/ the #atients an" a GK #ercent remission rate$ %t is clear from all of these technolo/ies* electroence#halo/ra#hy( ma/netoence#halo/ra#hy( an" TM1*that the brain /enerates an" res#on"s to ener/y “fiel"s) that can influence cell behavior an" /ene e2#ression an" alter #erce#tion( moo"( an" behavior$ A""itionally( the min"&s fiel" is res#onsible for the release an" "issemination of neuro#e#ti"es an" other neurotransmitters that control cell an" /ene activity$ The influence of the min"&s fiel" is most evi"ent in the #lacebo effect( 'herein healin/ is #ro"uce" by the min"&s belief that a "ru/ or me"ical
#roce"ure 'ill be effective( even thou/h the "ru/ may only be su/ar or chalk or the #roce"ure has no me"ical value at all$ To truly un"erstan" the #otential #o'er of our thou/hts an" beliefs( let&s look at another #rinci#le of 9uantum mechanics( “nonlocality() 'hich Einstein memorably calle" “s#ooky action at a "istance$) %t turns out that once a 9uantum #article interacts :or in 9uantum lan/ua/e( “entan/les)< 'ith another #article( no matter ho' many miles a#art they are :that is( nonlocal<( their mechanical states remain cou#le"$ %f( for e2am#le( one #article&s rotational :torna"olike< s#in is clock'ise( its entan/le" t'in&s rotational s#in is the o##osite( counterclock'ise$ uantum #articles also #ossess a "irectional #olarity( 'hich #oints either u# or "o'n$ ,hen one #article&s #olarity is #ointe" u#'ar"( the #olarity of its #artner #oints "o'n'ar"$ No matter ho' much "istance se#arates them( 'hen the #olarity or the rotation of one #article&s s#in chan/es( the #olarity or rotation of its t'in chan/es simultaneously as 'ell( even if one is in Paris an" the other is in -ei!in/$ Physicists have come u# 'ith a variety of in/enious stories to hel# lay#eo#le as 'ell as scientists un"erstan" nonlocality( an e2tremely 'eir" conce#t for everyone mire" in the material 'orl"$ 8niversity
of Michi/an #hysicist .umin/ +uan came u# 'ith a 9uantum casino in 'hich roulette 'heels are entan/le"*if one ball "ro#s "o'n on a black number( the ball at the ne2t table must "ro# on re"$ ,hile #hysicists establishe" that 9uantum #articles influence each other nonlocally an" came u# 'ith stories attem#tin/ to e2#lain it( #ara#sycholo/y researchers starte" lookin/ at 'hether human min"s( like 9uantum #articles( “entan/le) nonlocally$ Yes( they "o0 This #henomenon is su##orte" anec"otally by #sychics( ener/y healers( #arents( an" cou#les in love 'ho have sense" correctly that somethin/ 'as 'ron/ 'ith an in"ivi"ual( a chil"( or a #artner even thou/h that #erson 'as in another city or country$ Theoretical #hysicist Amit 6os'ami says that 8niversity of Me2ico research le" him to the “inesca#able) conclusion that human min"s connect nonlocally= “uantum nonlocality ha##ens also bet'een brains$)K %n the 8niversity of Me2ico e2#eriments( t'o #eo#le me"itate" ne2t to each other insi"e an electronically shiel"e" Fara"ay chamber for D minutes 'ith the intention of e2#eriencin/ a share" me"itative state$ Then the me"itators 'ere #lace" in t'o se#arate chambers( three meters a#art in one e2#eriment an" $ meters a#art in the ne2t e2#eriment( an" hooke"
u# to EE6 machines$ A re" li/ht 'as #erio"ically flashe" in the eyes of one me"itator( 'hich in"uce" a uni9ue brain4'ave #attern calle" an “evoke" #otential$) %n one out of four cases( the other me"itator&s brain became “entan/le")*it simultaneously elicite" an evoke"4#otential brain4 'ave #attern( even thou/h he5she "i" not seeLthe li/ht or have any i"ea the li/ht 'as bein/ flashe"$ @ibrational entan/lement is a fun"amental com#onent of the “.a' of Attraction) an" the less talke" about( an" more #ersonally relevant( “.a' of 7e#ulsion() 'hich e2#lain 'hat you brin/ into your life an" 'hat you "rive a'ay$ % like to illustrate ho' these la's 'ork 'ith another analo/y usin/ familiar ob!ects( in this case a tunin/ fork an" four crystal /oblets sho'n in Fi/ure A on the follo'in/ #a/e$ Each of the four crystal /oblets s#ins at a "ifferent fre9uency( labele" ,( V( Y( an" S( because each /oblet is ma"e of a "ifferent combination of atoms$ Then( in Fi/ure -( %&ll strike the tunin/ fork "esi/ne" to vibrate at fre9uency V$ 3ust like the #o'erful voice of a traine" vocalist( the ener/y vibrations of the tunin/ fork entan/le an" constructively interfere 'ith /oblet V&s atoms( am#lifyin/ their ener/y an" causin/ them to vibrate faster an" faster$ 1o much #o'er is create" by the ener/iBe" vibratin/ atoms that the
/oblet actually e2#lo"es0 That&s constructive interference of the kin" you e2#erience" on your honeymoon 'hen you an" your #artner&s ener/ies 'ere entan/lin/ in the best #ossible 'ay$ -y no' you&re thinkin/( %f only it 'ere that easy( %&" /o out an" buy a tunin/ fork to sha#e my 'orl"0 The /oo" ne's is that you "on&t have to buy oneI you alrea"y have one$ The thou/hts your brain broa"casts o#erate as a so#histicate"*actually 'ay more so#histicate"*tunin/ fork$ To re#resent the #o'er of our tunin/4fork brain( let&s affi2 ima/es e2#ressin/ "ifferent emotional “ener/ies) to each of the four /oblets in the illustration on the ne2t #a/e$ 6oblet , features a #hoto of an an/ry cou#le( face to face( screamin/ at each other$ 6oblet V&s #hoto sho's an ecstatic honeymoonin/ cou#le celebratin/ a very romantic "inner$ 6oblet Y illustrates the ve2in/ scenario of Ho' in the 'orl" "i" % en" u# 'ith this /uy$ 6oblet S&s ima/e is of a combative cou#le blamin/ each other before a "ivorce court !u"/e$ 6iven V( thesochoices( it&s an easy to Bero on /oblet let&s im#act /oblet"ecision V a/ain( this intime usin/ not a visible tunin/ fork but the thou/hts
broa"cast by your tunin/4fork brain$ Throu/h constructive interference( your thou/hts 'ill ener/iBe life e2#eriences that are resonant 'ith the ima/es create" by your min"$ Focus on /oblet V&s #hoto an" your emotional e2uberance in those "ays5'eeks5months5years 'hen you 'ere in the full throes of Ha##ily Ever After$ For/et about the /uy 'ho "um#e" you after you #ai" his 'ay throu/h la' school$ For/et about the 'oman 'ho left you for the "ot4com billionaire$ 3ust banish any e2#eriences you&ve ha" 'ith the scenes from /oblets ,( Y( an" S from your thou/hts*you "on&t 'ant to create constructive interference 'ith those ima/es because they&ll 'in" u# on your "oorste#0 ,hile the ima/es re#resente" by /oblets ,( Y( an" S are not activate" by your thou/hts( the ima/e in /oblet V is$ ,hen our thou/hts resonate 'ith that ima/e( the harmonious scenario of an ecstatic cou#le 'ill manifest in our lives$ These /oblet analo/ies illustrate ho' im#ortant it is to shift your #assionately ne/ative( fearful( an/ry thou/hts an" emotions to #assionately #ositive ones in or"er to create the Honeymoon Effect in your life$ Consi"er 'hich of the /oblet ima/es are most familiar to you an"( if the ans'er is all but V( take a look at your thou/hts$ You can create the life5/oblet vision
you 'ant by makin/ sure that the thou/hts you broa"cast reflect e2actly 'hat you 'ant to brin/ into your life$ %f you&re al'ays broa"castin/ an/er about your #revious relationshi#s( the same kin" of "estructive relationshi# is /oin/ to sho' u# at your "oor a/ain$ %f you avoi" such ne/ative thou/hts an" ima/es( those scenes 'ill likely not come alive in your life$ Human an" animal #re"ators instinctively un"erstan" this$ Take the e2am#le of the lioness % o#ene" this cha#ter 'ith$ 8nlike human hunters( the lioness isn&t lookin/ for the tro#hy /aBelle 'ith the bi//est horns to be mounte" on the 'all of her "en0 1he is intereste" in eatin/$ 1o she "oes a 9uick ener/etic scan of the o#tions an" #icks the 'eakest /aBelle to tan/le 'ith( the one she senses 'ill #ut u# the least fi/ht an" so #rovi"e the fastest( easiest 'ay to /et "inner$ ,hen they&re not out in the 'oo"s huntin/ for s#ort( human #re"ators "o the same thin/$ Mu//ers( for e2am#le( look for victims 'ho are broa"castin/ fearful or "istracte" ener/y :sometimes makin/ a mistake an" #ickin/ the “'ron/) victim( 'ho /ives them the fi/ht of their lives<$ %t&s not the clothes they&re 'earin/*it&s the vibrations they&re resonatin/$ For all his faults( my #re"ator nei/hbor 'as /oo" at one thin/= he 'as a
/oo" scam artist because he correctly sense" my 'eaknessI he sense" that % 'oul"n&t "efinitively turn him a'ay as % shoul" have "one$ Ha" % not been broa"castin/ ambivalent vibrations( he 'oul" have move" on to more #romisin/ #rey$ An interestin/ series of e2#eriments by #ara#sycholo/y researcher an" anthro#olo/ist Marilyn 1chlitB( "irector of the %nstitute of Noetic 1ciences( an" -ritish #ara#sycholo/y ske#tic an" #sycholo/ist 7ichar" ,iseman su//ests that the thou/hts researchers broa"cast #lay a role even in ri/orous scientific e2#eriments$ ,iseman an" 1chlitB collaborate" on stu"ies to "etermine 'hether a #erson can "etect that someone is starin/ at them even 'hen they "on&t see them$ These e2#eriments establishe" that 'hen 1chlitB 'as the one "oin/ the starin/( there 'as a statistically si/nificant effectI 'hen ,iseman 'as the one "oin/ the starin/( there 'as no effect$ J Those 'ho have rea" The -iolo/y of -elief 'on&t be sur#rise"$ The believer( 1chlitB( starte" off 'ith the #remise that the e2#eriment 'oul" 'ork an" it "i"$ ,iseman( the nonbeliever( starte" out 'ith the #remise that it 'oul"n&t 'ork an" of course( as that 'as his belief( it "i"n&t$ No' at this #oint you mi/ht be thinkin/ :ne/atively<( ,ell then( no Honeymoon Effect for me because my
beliefs are all ne/ative because ne/ative is all %&ve e2#erience"$ %f you&re a #ersistent naysayer( here is some /oo" ne's to ste' over$ Even if your relationshi#s have been "isasters an" you&re still bitter about them( !ust fake it for a 'hile$ ,hen you shift your thinkin/ to focus on the love( su##ort( an" close emotional relationshi# "e#icte" in /oblet V :even if it seems like a scene from a #lanet unkno'n to you or from a honeymoon that you e2#erience" once for a 'eek in the "istant #ast<( you can attract that kin" of relationshi# into your life$ You can attract that lovin/ relationshi# even if you&ve never e2#erience" one in the #ast$ -ut if you continue to 'allo' in the kin"s of ima/es an" e2#eriences illustrate" in the other /oblets( they&re /oin/ to continue to be the only 'ays you e2#erience relationshi#s$ %f this soun"s like blamin/ the victim( it is not$ %f 'e have been una'are of ho' our thou/hts an" beliefs influence our 'orl"( then in truth( ho' can 'e be “blame") or “/uilty) for our #ast actionsQ There cannot be blame( /uilt( or shame over #ast events for a fun"amental an" sim#le reason= these "ero/atory 'or"s a##ly only 'hen one kno's ho' somethin/ 'orks an" yet( arme" 'ith that kno'le"/e( en/a/es in behavior that is "estructive of self or of other “selves$)
Clearly( the #ur#ose of #resentin/ the ne' science is not to /ive you a reason to 'allo' in /uilt about the #ast you create"$ As you no' kno'( 'allo'in/ 'ill !ust attract more /uilt into your life any'ay0 The #ur#ose of #resentin/ this information is to hel# you realiBe ho' #o'erful you really are$ ;no'le"/e is #o'er( an" 'ith this kno'le"/e you are em#o'ere" to create the life an" the relationshi#s of your choosin/ from no' on$ From no' on you can embrace an" revel in the #ulsatin/ ener/etic 8niverse that 3ohns Ho#kins 8niversity #hysicist 7ichar" Conn Henry #osits= “The 8niverse is immaterial*mental an" s#iritual$ .ive( an" en!oy$) .ive an" en!oy the fact that you are a creator( not a victim of your life$ You can have the kin"s of relationshi#s you 'ant by usin/ your brain as a tunin/ fork that resonates 'ith 'hat you 'ant to create an" avoi"s thinkin/ about 'hat you "on&t 'ant to brin/ into your life$ You are manifestin/ your life$ You have the free"om to create 'hat you 'ant to create$ -efore % move on to the ne2t cha#ter( about the biochemistry of love( %&" like to a""ress a /oo"4vibes 9uestion that % sus#ect you may have alrea"y thou/ht of$ Aren&t /oo" vibes about se2( not Ha##ily Ever After loveQ Thou/h that may be true for or/anisms lo'er on the evolutionary la""er( it is not true for humans$
% 'oul" be the last #erson to say se2 is ba"$ 1e2 is /oo"( even /reat( an" not !ust for the survival of the s#ecies$ Ho'ever( for Ha##ily Ever After the /oal is not se2 for its o'n sake$ The /oal is se2 'ith the #erson you 'ant to have a real #artnershi# 'ith$ As the most evolve" animals on the evolutionary la""er( 'e can "o more than !ust res#on" to /enes an" hormones$ ,hen you move from be" to be"( from se2 to aban"onment :% 'ent throu/h that #hase<( se2 becomes like a /ymnastic session fille" 'ith lots of !um#in/ !acks*an" most of us feel there is somethin/ missin/$ 1ome ar/ue that because 'e are closely relate" to animals lo'er on the evolutionary la""er( 'e are not 'ell suite" for Ha##ily4Ever4After( mono/amous relationshi#s$ That&s because in the JJs( 'hen +NA fin/er#rintin/ became common( biolo/ists learne" that socially mono/amous #airs are not necessarily se2ually mono/amous$ 3ust like +NA testin/ that nails absent fathers in chil"4su##ort cases( research sho'e" that there 'ere lots of missin/ "a"s= “The situation has reache" the #oint 'here failure to fin" e2tra4#air co#ulations in ostensibly mono/amous s#ecies*that is( cases in 'hich mono/amous s#ecies really turn out to be mono/amous*is itself re#ortable ) 'rite
+avi" P$ -arash an" 3u"ith Eve .i#ton in The Myth of Mono/amy$ Consi"er this 7omeo an" 3ulietUlike /aBelle story that a##eare" in an LK 1cientific American= A curious instance of affection in the animal( 'hich en"e" fatally( took #lace last 'eek at the country resi"ence of -aron 6auci( at Malta$ A female /aBelle havin/ su""enly "ie" from somethin/ it ha" eaten( the male stoo" over the "ea" bo"y of his mate( buttin/ everyone 'ho attem#te" to touch it( then( su""enly( makin/ a s#rin/( struck his hea" a/ainst a 'all( an" fell "ea" at the si"e of his com#anion$ %n D( 1cientific American reconsi"ere" the LK version in aauthor( blo/ item$ the story is( 'rote the secon" it isAs farlovely more as likely that the male /aBelle "ie" from the same #oison -aron 6auci&s female /aBelle in/este" or from an ill4#ositione" lea# into the 'all to avoi" 'hat he #erceive" as a human #re"ator 'ho came too close$D The col"( clinical truth is that a male /aBelle is not a very likely can"i"ate to sacrifice himself for the love of his life$ +urin/ matin/ season( male /aBelles mark their territory an" mate 'ith any mature female 'ho strays into it( thou/h they "o "ra' the line at venturin/ into a rival /aBelle&s territory to mate$
-ut no matter ho' many animals bite the mono/amy "ust :current hol"outs inclu"e the black vulture( the re"4cocka"e" 'oo"#ecker( an" the California mouse<( % think the bi/ evolutionary lea# that our brains enable" sets us a#art$ % "o /rant that at times humans act as if they&re no'here near the to# of the evolutionary la""er$ % only have to look at inci"ents in my o'n life 'hen % acte" 'ith less sense than a /aBelle$ % 'as in the Caribbean an" in my "es#erately4lookin/4for4someone #hase 'hen % invite" a cou#le( 'ho turne" out to be a #rototy#ically "ysfunctional #air( to stay at my house on 6rena"a$ Ha" % taken #hotos( this cou#le coul" have illustrate" /oblets ,( Y( an" S$ They 'ere al'ays fi/htin/ an" screamin/( an" the yellin/ alone shoul" have been a ti#off to avoi" this #articular entan/lement$ Nevertheless( after their relationshi#4 terminatin/ final an" most bitter ar/ument( the 'oman aske" me if % 'ante" to have se2 'ith her$ % i/nore" all my antennae( rationaliBe" by sayin/ % 'asn&t breakin/ u# a ha##y cou#le( an" res#on"e"( “,hy notQ) %&ll tell you 'hy not0 % became entan/le" 'ith this 'oman&s ener/y in a te2tbook case of "estructive interference$ ,hen the 'oman&s former #artner left the islan"( % 'as the only one left to ar/ue 'ith$ %
coul"n&t have been more 'ron/ for her*%&m a nonabusive( non4confrontational /uy$ % 'as "rivin/ her ma" because she "i"n&t 'ant a better relationshi#I she 'ante" a relationshi# that involve" lots of fi/htin/$ As for me( % 'as "ro'nin/ in re/ret$ My fear of confrontation limite" my o#tions( an" % coul"n&t ima/ine ho' to /et ri" of her$ % 'as livin/ in the mi""le of the ocean on a little islan"$ ,here coul" she /oQ The tiny islan" of 6rena"a ke#t /ettin/ smaller an" smaller( an" % became a #risoner in my o'n house$ Maybe Paul 1imon 'rote “ ,ays to .eave Your .over) because he lives in metro#olitan Ne' York( 'here it&s a lot easier to e2tricate yourself$ %n my case( his 'ays 'eren&t enou/h$ % came u# 'ith a st 'ay( 'hich 'as to buy us both tickets to Ne' York*only mine 'as roun" tri#$ The moral of that story is this= “-e conscious of 'hat you lust for0) % unconsciously chose to be "riven solely by hormones( an" % coul" have chosen "ifferently$ %f human bein/s are !ust biolo/ical machines( lust is /oin/ to #ull you aroun" :as it "i" me for a 'hile<$ ,hen you a"" consciousness( you become the "river of the machine$ You are no lon/er #re"ictable$ Even astrolo/ers reco/niBe that 'hen in"ivi"uals become conscious( astrolo/y isn&t as
accurate because #eo#le become far less #re"ictable$ %nstea" of automatically reactin/ to the ener/etic fiel" aroun" us that inclu"es the ti"es an" the #ull of #lanets( 'e can mo"ify our o'n vibrations an" our res#onses to the vibrations of others$ 1o it&s time to sto# sayin/ % “al'ays) fin" a /uy 'ho&s afrai" of a commitment or % “al'ays) fin" a 'oman 'ho "um#s me$ ,e create our lives 'ith our beliefs( an" 'e broa"cast those beliefs into the ener/etic environment aroun" us$ ,e are creatin/ our relationshi#s( an" 'ith that kno'le"/e( 'e have the free"om to create 'hatever kin"s of relationshi#s 'e 'ant0 %f that&s so( you mi/ht be 'on"erin/ 'hy my #ositive thinkin/ about my #re"ator nei/hbor "i"n&t 'ork$ At the time( % 'as makin/ my first forays into usin/ my brain as a tunin/ fork( but % still ha" a lot to learn$ Creatin/ the relationshi# you 'ant is com#licate"$ % "i"n&t yet fully un"erstan" the #o'er of the subconscious to subvert even the best of intentions$ % no' kno' a lot more about ho' to attract 'hat % 'ant into my life than % "i" then$ % kno' a lot more about not "iscountin/ ba" vibes( an" % have at lon/ last create" a Ha##ily4Ever4After relationshi# in my life$ 1o "es#ite hea"lines about s#ectacularly "ysfunctional celebrity marria/es( "es#ite #lenty of
e2am#les of humans allo'in/ their hormones an" /enes to "rive their behavior( it is #ossible to create a hi/her level of love$ ,hen you ackno'le"/e the #o'er of /oo" vibes an" s'itch your thou/hts to /oblet VU like ima/es( you 'ill be 'ell on your 'ay to creatin/ Ha##ily Ever After in your life$
CHAPTE7 G .ove Potions Take then this #itcher an" remember 'ell my 'or"s$ Hi"e it so that no eye shall see nor no li# /o near it= but 'hen the 'e""in/ ni/ht has come an" that moment in 'hich the 'e""e" are left alone( #our this essence" 'ine into a cu# an" offer it to ;in/ Mark an" to %seult his 9ueen$ Oh0 Take all care( my chil"( that they alone shall taste this bre'$ For this is its #o'er= they 'ho "rink of it to/ether love each other 'ith their every sin/le sense an" 'ith their every thou/ht( forever( in life an" in "eath$ * THE 7OMANCE OF T7%1TAN AN+ %1E8.T -Y M$ 3O1EPH -W+%E7 The “essence" 'ine) s#ike" 'ith flo'ers an" herbs "i" its !ob all too 'ell( as everyone familiar 'ith the tra/ic( a"ulterous love story of %rish #rincess %seult :also kno'n as %sol"e< an" Tristan( the Cornish kni/ht 'ho un'ittin/ly "rank the bre' inten"e" for his uncle ;in/ Mark( kno's$ Po#ulariBe" by French me"ieval #oetry( the story of Tristan an" %seult&s ill4fate" love s#arke" by an
a#hro"isiacal bre' is !ust one e2am#le of the re#ute" #o'er of love #otions throu/hout history$ Me"ieval theolo/ian an" occultist Albertus Ma/nus 'rote about a concotion of the brains of a #artri"/e calcine" into a #o'"er an" s'allo'e" in re" 'ineI 6alen( the secon"4century court #hysician to the Em#eror Marcus Aurelius( recommen"e" a /lass of thick honey( taken before be"time( 'ith almon"s an" one hun"re" /rains of the #ine treeI Henry @% favore" Ama/nac bran"y from south'est FranceI Cleo#atra s'ore by a "rink of "issolve" #earls in vine/arI an" The Perfume" 6ar"en( a manual of Arabian erotic techni9ue 'ritten in the th century by 1heik al4 Nef'aBi toute" a reci#e for /reen #eas boile" 'ith onions an" #o'ere" 'ith cinnamon( /in/er( an" car"amom see"s( 'ell #oun"e"$ Another Arab reci#e features the %n"ian root /alan/a mi2e" 'ith cubebs :berries similar to /rains of #e##er that are in"i/enous to 3ava<( s#arro' 'ort( car"amoms( nutme/( /illyflo'ers( %n"ian thistle( laurel see"s( cloves( an" Persian #e##er taken t'ice "aily mornin/ an" ni/ht in #i/eon or fo'l broth #rece"e" an" follo'e" by 'ater$ .east a##etiBin/ of all is a reci#e cite" by the 7oman #oet Pro#ertius that inclu"es snake bones( a toa"( an" the feathers of a screech o'l$
From the #oint of vie' of biochemistry( love is also about #otions( but 'ith all "ue res#ect to the le/en" of Tristan an" %seult an" the elaborate love #otions create" throu/hout human history( the #otions %&m talkin/ about are infinitely more so#histicate"( finely calibrate" neurochemical an" hormone cocktails that course throu/h your bo"y 'hen you fall in an" out of love$ Yes( 'hat %&m sayin/ is that on one level the Honeymoon Effect is a chemical a""iction( 'hich is 'hy thin/s can turn so miserable so 9uickly 'hen it en"s$ ,atch out if the ob!ect of your "esire calls it off 'hile you&re still baskin/ in your biochemically in"uce" love “hi/h$) You mi/ht 'in" u# like me( as % "escribe" in the intro"uction( in 'ith"ra'al( sittin/ in a chair in an em#ty house moonin/ over your lost love$ %n this cha#ter( %&ll talk about the chemicals an" hormones that hel# e2#lain the an2iety( loss of a##etite( an" eu#horia that characteriBe human love$ These chemical love #otions s#ur us on to seek out se2ual #artners( fi2ate on a s#ecial #artner( an" bon" 'ith that #artner lon/ enou/h to raise the most hel#less ne'borns in the animal kin/"om( at least #ast infancy$ Of course it "oesn&t al'ays 'ork out that 'ay( because this is about humans in love( not about
scientific e9uations*as 1hakes#eare&s fairy Puck famously e2claime" about humans in love= “.or"( 'hat fools these mortals be0) -efore % /et into the biochemistry of love( % 'ant to stress that "es#ite Puck&s lo' o#inion of foolish mortals in love( 'e "o not have to be slaves to our neurochemicals an" hormones0 ,e are “self4 biolo/ists) 'ho create 'ith the thou/hts in our min"s the love #otions that control the cells an" tissues in our bo"ies$ Yes( this is the 'ork of the infamous min"4 bo"y connection that until recently has been "enie"( i/nore"( or "o'n#laye" by conventional science$ 1im#lifyin/ the Min"4-o"y Connection %n JK( % be/an my first e2#eriments 'ith clonin/ stem cells$ 8sin/ a microsco#e( % scanne" cells in a culture "ish of mi2e" cell ty#es( seekin/ stem cells "istin/uishe" by their uni9ue s#in"le sha#e$ Then % #lace" a small /lass rin/ aroun" the selecte" cell( 'hich allo'e" me to se#arate it from all the other cells in the "ish$ Finally( % use" enBymes to release the cell from the "ish so % coul" transfer a sin/le stem cell into its o'n culture "ish$ Cells resemble fish in thata they in a "ish 'ater environmentI conse9uently( tissuelive culture is like a miniature a9uarium$ Tissue culture me"ium( a
chemically balance" solution that su##orts /ro'th an" viability( #rovi"es the cell&s environment$ Our stem cell culture me"ium containe" a very #otent cocktail of salts an" nutrients that allo'e" stem cells to /ro' an" re#licate$ The sin/le stem cell % a""e" to the culture "ish "ivi"e" about every ten hours in this me"ium$ First there 'as one cell( then t'o( then four cellsI after a 'eek there 'ere more than ( cells in the "ish$ 1ince all of the cells 'ere "erive" from the same #arent cell( all of the cells 'ere /enetically i"entical$ No' here is 'here the e2#eriment becomes min"4 blo'in/$ % s#lit the cell #o#ulation an" #lace" them into three "ifferent culture "ishes as illustrate" on the ne2t #a/e$ Each of the three "ishes ha" a "istinct “environment() a culture me"ium consistin/ of "ifferent biochemicals$ %n one "ish the cells forme" muscle( in the secon" "ish the cells forme" bone( an" in the thir" "ish the cells forme" fat$ a(b The #rofoun" 9uestion this e2#eriment ans'ere" 'as this= “,hat controls the fate of the cellsQ) 7emember( all cells 'ere /enetically i"entical at the start so /enes the "i" not control thethe cells& varyin/me"ium fates0 Yes( 'as environment( culture thatit controlle" the e2#ression of the cells$ The fate an"
health of cells are a com#lement to their environment( a #rinci#le % "escribe" in The -iolo/y of -elief :'ith a no" to 3ames Carville&s a"vice in -ill Clinton&s #resi"ential cam#ai/n< as “%t&s the environment( stu#i"$) My mentor %rv ;oni/sber/( one of the first cell biolo/ists to master the art of clonin/ stem cells( ha" #ointe" me in this "irection ri/ht at the be/innin/ of my career$ ,hen % first starte" clonin/ cells( he tol" me that 'hen the culture" cells you&re stu"yin/ are ailin/( you look first to the cell&s environment( not the cell itself( for the cause= a healthy environment lea"s to healthy cellsI a sick environment lea"s to sick cells$ All of my e2#eriments confirmin/ that “%t&s the environment( stu#i") #resa/e" the no' boomin/ fiel" of e#i/enetics :“above)4/enetics<( 'hich in stu"y after stu"y is "ocumentin/ ho' the environment controls the activity of /enes$ Finally mainstream science has reco/niBe" that /enes "o not "etermine the fate of cells$ Ho' "o these stu"ies relate to youQ ,hen you see yourself in the mirror( you see a sin/le human or/anism*you*lookin/ back$ Ho'ever( as % mentione" in Cha#ter ( this is a mis#erce#tion$ ,e are not sin/le or/anismsI 'e are ma"e u# of about trillion cells0 -y strict "efinition( a human bein/ is a
community of livin/ or/anisms( our cells$ More s#ecifically( a human is a “skin4covere") culture "ish containin/ trillion cells$ Our bloo" is the /ro'th me"ium( the cell4controllin/ environment 'ithin our skin4covere" culture "ish$ %n fact( it makes no "ifference to the fate of a cell if it is in a #lastic4 or a skin4covere" culture "ish$ ,herever it lives( its life is controlle" by the culture me"ium$ As a cell biolo/ist( % 'as res#onsible for controllin/ the chemistry of my cells in #lastic culture "ishes$ As a “self4biolo/ist) illustrate" in the cartoon on the ne2t #a/e( you control the chemistry of your o'n culture me"ium( the bloo"( throu/h your nutrition an" the o#eration of your brain$ ,hen your min" #erceives the e2#erience of love( it causes the brain to secrete neurochemicals such as "o#amine( o2ytocin( an" /ro'th hormone into the bloo" :more on this later<$ ,hen these chemicals are a""e" to the culture me"ium of cells /ro'n in a #lastic "ish( the cells react by e2hibitin/ robust( healthy /ro'th$ The same occurs for cells in the bo"y&s skin4covere" "ish*yes( you are /enerally healthier an" more alive 'hen you&re in love$ “1elf4-iolo/ist)= ,hile the 'orl"&s #o#ulation boasts a fe' cell biolo/ists( the fact is 'e are all
“self4biolo/ists$) This cartoon em#hasiBes that the brain controls the chemistry of the bo"y&s culture me"ium( the bloo"( 'hich in turn nourishes an" re/ulates the /enetics an" behaviors of the bo"y&s cells$ The chemistry release" by the brain into the bloo" com#lements the #erce#tions an" beliefs 'e hol" in our min"s$ ,hen 'e chan/e the 'ay 'e res#on" to the 'orl"( 'e chan/e the chemical com#osition of our bloo"( 'hich in turn re/ulates our /enetics an" behavior$ This is the foun"ation of the #lacebo effect$ :%llustration by -ob Mueller< Ho'ever( if the same brain in the same bo"y #erceives a threatenin/ 'orl"( it "oes not #rom#t the brain to release the biochemicals of love$ %nstea"( fear #rovokes thea/ents release stress hormones an" inflammatory such of as cytokines into the bloo"$ %f these chemicals are a""e" to cell cultures in a #lastic "ish( they cause the cells to sto# /ro'in/ an" may cause them to "ie$ The chemistry of stress stunts the /ro'th an" maintenance of cells because it "iverts the bo"y&s ener/y to su##ort #rotection mechanisms$ This is 'hy stress is the #rimary cause of illness an" is res#onsible for u# to J #ercent of all "octor visits$D %t is im#ortant noteactions that stress hormonesonhave multi#le roles an"totheir are #re"icate" the ty#e of “stress) an in"ivi"ual is e2#eriencin/$ There
are t'o ty#es of stress( each 'ith "ifferent biochemical conse9uences= "istress an" eustress$ +istress occurs 'hen 'e #erceive that our survival is threatene"$ That&s 'hen stress hormones like cortisol an" a"renaline cause us to shift from /ro'th to #rotection( savin/ our lives if there is an acute threat :like a mountain lion< or becomin/ corrosive if the threat is chronic :like every"ay traffic an" a !ob you hate<$ Eustress( on the other han"( 'hich literally means “/oo" stress() results 'hen 'e “stress) the system 'ith nonthreatenin/ behaviors such as en/a/in/ in #hysical activities like s#orts an" mental activities like 'ritin/ this book( an" fallin/ #assionately in love0 7esearchers have foun" that the stress hormone cortisol is release" not !ust 'hen 'e&re fleein/ an avalanche but also 'hen 'e&re blissfully in love$ %n D( 8niversity of Pisa researchers foun" that the levels of cortisol 'ere “si/nificantly hi/her) amon/ their research sub!ects 'ho ha" recently fallen in love than those 'ho 'ere not in love$ G %n DJ( 8niversity of Te2as researchers foun" that cortisol levels increase" 'hen 'omen in their stu"y 'ere aske" to reflect on their romantic #artners$ The increase 'as “#articularly #ronounce" an" relatively lon/4lastin/) in sub!ects 'ho s#ent the most time thinkin/ about their relationshi#s$
The A-Cs of min"4bo"y biolo/y= All livin/ or/anisms rea" an" res#on" to environmental information$ A= %n the #rocess of #erce#tion( our brains rea" environmental si/nals :si/hts( soun"s( smells( tem#erature( #ain( etc$< that are re/istere" by the nervous system&s rece#tors$ -= -ase" u#on our instincts an" life e2#eriences( the min" assesses the incomin/ si/nals an" makes an inter#retation( a value !u"/ment of their meanin/s as they relate to our survival$ C= The min"&s inter#retation of the incomin/ si/nals in"uces the brain to release neurochemicals that #rovoke the bo"y to en/a/e in a #ositive /ro'th res#onse or a life4sustainin/ #rotection behavior( or to i/nore the si/nals because they are not relevant to our survival$ The neurochemicals release" into the bloo" re/ulate cell behavior an"( via e#i/enetics( control /ene activity$ ,hether you&re in love or runnin/ from "an/er( your min" calibrates your bloo"&s biochemistry( 'hich in turn controls your biolo/y an" /enetics$ The min" inter#rets your #erce#tions of the 'orl"( an" your brain /oes to 'ork to #ro"uce the biochemistry that com#lements your #erce#tions$ Here&s an e2am#le$ % love !ala#eXo hot('ay$ s#icy-ut foo" activates taste bu"s in a#e##ersI #leasurable other #eo#lemy see me "o'nin/ intensely hot foo" an" their reaction is
“Ho' can you eat thatQ) -oth of us have the same #erce#tion*that the foo" is s#icy*but our min"s inter#ret those same #erce#tions "ifferently$ My biochemistry revels in !ala#eXo #e##ersI yours may re!ect them$ To better un"erstan" the biochemistry of love( think of your brain not as a tunin/ fork resonatin/ in the 8niverse&s vast ener/y fiel"( as 'e "i" in the cha#ter on 9uantum #hysics$ %n this conte2t( think of the brain more #rosaically as a /oo" ol" Ne'tonian machine( actually a #aint machine :brains are amaBin/ly versatile*one ima/e isn&t enou/h<$ ,hen % say a #aint machine( %&m not talkin/ about a robot that fla'lessly #aints an entire room( inclu"in/ the trim$ ,oul" that % ha" one of those mythical machines0 %&m talkin/ about a #aint color mi2er machine that ensures you /et e2actly the hue you 'ant$ %n these machines( an array of tints is store" in cylin"ers$ The tints are s9uirte" in #recise ratios into a can of 'hite #aint to #ro"uce the e2act sha"e re9ueste"$ There is no sin/le re"( /reen( or blue #aint$ %nstea"( there are hun"re"s of variations of each color !ust as there are in the rainbo' s#ectrum of #aint chi#s that customers use to select their "esire" 'all color$
%n our analo/y( the brain resembles the #aint mi2in/ machine$ 7ather than blen"in/ "ifferent color tints( the brain is a love #otion mi2in/ machine stocke" 'ith an array of neurochemicals an" hormones that researchers have linke" to the biochemistry of love$ %n the throes of first #assion( your brain can or"er u# “#assion re") by s9uirtin/ lots of "ro#s of testosterone into the mi2$ That 'ent 'ell( so your brain or"ers u# “lovesick #ink) 'ith lots of "o#amine that motivates the #ursuit of more #leasure 'ith the ob!ect of your "esire$ ,hen you&re convince" you&ve foun" the One your brain or"ers u# love4of4my4life laven"er( a mi2 heavy on the bon"in/ boosters vaso#ressin an" o2ytocin an" shockin/ly lo' on serotonin( 'hich means you&re /ettin/ more an" more fi2ate" on an" obsesse" 'ith your True .ove$ ,hen you "efy the "ivorce5miserable relationshi# o""s an" shift into Ha##ily Ever After( the brain mi2es u# still4 craBy4in4love blue 'ith a hu/e s9uirt of the cu""le chemical o2ytocin$ You /et the #icture$ Our brains have at their "is#osal a number of in/re"ients( neurochemical “tints() that can be mi2e" in varyin/ ratios to #ro"uce s#ecific “#otions) that com#el us first to mate an" then to #artner 'ith our mates( thereby /ivin/ hel#less human babies a better chance for survival$ 1cientists still
have a lot to learn about the makeu# of these #o'erful love #otions( but here are a fe' in/re"ients that have been stu"ie"$ Estro/en an" Testosterone= Matin/ ,hen bir"s an" bees “"o it() it is not about fallin/ in love$ %t is about matin/$ Take starfish$ Female starfish s9uirt their e//s into the 'aterI males s9uirt their s#erm into the same 'ater$ Eventually the t'ain meet to create another /eneration of starfish$ Not much entan/lement there0 .ust4"riven human matin/ re9uires more entan/lement( thou/h lon/4term #artnershi# "oesn&t$ ,hen it&s about lust only( the se2 hormones testosterone( notorious for fuelin/ al#ha males more intereste" in se2 than bon"in/( kno'n for fuelin/ female fertility(an" #layestro/en( bi/ roles$best Thou/h testosterone is mostly associate" 'ith men an" estro/en is mostly associate" 'ith 'omen( these hormones #lay re#ro"uctive roles in both se2es$ Human males #ro"uce on avera/e ten times as much testosterone as females an" in"ee"( men 'ith very hi/h levels of testosterone are not i"eal #artnershi# materialI they ten" to "ivorce more often( abuse their
s#ouses an"levels$ have more affairs than men 'ithmore less fre9uently( stratos#heric -ut testosterone fuels se2ual "esire in both se2es$K
Estro/en soars 'hen females are fertile( an" males #ro"uce on avera/e only a fraction of the estro/en females #ro"uce$ -ut researchers have learne" that estro/en #lays a role in male se2uality( as 'ell by enablin/ the maturation of s#erm$L My favorite e2am#le of the com#licate" roles estro/en an" testosterone #lay in males an" females comes from the bir" kin/"om= the Bebra finch$ At one #oint in its embryonic "evelo#ment( the male Bebra finch #ro"uces estro/en( 'hich is transforme" into a testosteronelike hormone in the brain( 'hich in turn enables male bir"s to sin/$ Male Bebra finches be/in to sin/ at #uberty( an" researchers sus#ect that !ust like human females 'ho s'oon 'hen their ol"4 fashione" suitors sin/ outsi"e their balconies( female Bebra finches /ravitate to their suitors& sin/in/$J The roles estro/en an" testosterone #lay in the male an" female re#ro"uctive systems are un"oubte"ly more com#le2 than once thou/ht( but there is no "oubt that both hel# #ro#el us to take the first ste#s to ensure the survival of our s#ecies$ +o#amine= Pleasure an" Cravin/ Testosterone an" estro/en may /et us to the se2 scene( there&sfre9uency no 'ay 'e humans 'oul" en/a/eour in se2 'ithbutenou/h an" /usto to #ro#a/ate s#ecies if it 'eren&t #leasurable$ Enter the
neurotransmitter "o#amine( the crucial chemical that fuels the "rive to re#eat #leasurable e2#eriences$ ,hen your "o#amine levels are u#( you are !aBBe"= you&re not hi"in/ un"er your blankets alone at homeI you&re motivate" to /et out an" e2#erience #leasure$ 8nsur#risin/ly( because of its role in "rivin/ re#ro"uction( "o#amine is an ancient evolutionary molecule$ %n fact( the role of "o#amine in evolutionarily sim#le or/anisms( such as microsco#ic roun"'orms( is almost i"entical to its role in humans$ That&s 'hy 8niversity of Te2as researchers are able to use /enetically mo"ifie"( "o#amine4"eficient 'orms to i"entify "ru/s that may hel# treat Parkinson&s "isease( 'hich is characteriBe" by a loss of "o#amine4 #ro"ucin/ cells in the brain$ +o#amine is synthesiBe" "ee# in the brain&s ventral te/mental area an" release" in the nucleus accumbens in the forebrain$ These are key areas in the #leasure5re'ar" circuit of our brains( an"( as anyone 'ho has stru//le" 'ith a""iction can tell you( this circuit has a "ark si"e$ Activate" by every variety of #leasurable( #otentially a""ictive substance or activity kno'n to humans*inclu"in/ cocaine( heroin( se2( /amblin/( sho##in/( an" hi/h4calorie foo"*too much stimulation can lea" to "es#erate cravin/s an" the risky( com#ulsive behavior of an a""ict$ D
+ee# 'ithin the center of our brain( s#ecific control centers en/a/e /ro'th an" #rotection behaviors in res#onse to #leasure an" #ain stimuli$ The #rimary centers inclu"e = the nucleus accumbensI D= the ventral te/mentumI an" G= the ventral #alli"um$ The sirenlike "ra' of "o#amine has been "emonstrate" a/ain an" a/ain in animals( startin/ in the Js$ 7ats 'ith electro"es im#lante" in the #art of the brain 'here "o#amine is synthesiBe" #ress a lever that stimulates their #leasure5re'ar" circuit incessantly*u# to seven thousan" times #er hour$ 7ats choose stimulation of the #leasure5re'ar" circuit over foo" an" 'ater$ Female rats aban"on their ne'born #u#s in favor of #ressin/ the lever( mirrorin/ crack moms ne/lect chil"renfoun" in favor of the a""ict "ru/$ The fe''ho stu"ies "onetheir on humans the same #henomenon*'hen /iven the chance( humans slavishly choose to stimulate the "o#amine4#ro"ucin/ areas of the brain re#eate"ly( ne/lectin/ relationshi#s an" #ersonal hy/iene in favor of hits of "o#amine$ G ,hat "oes this have to "o 'ith the Honeymoon EffectQ A number of recent stu"ies have foun" that it is the re'ar" circuit of the brain that is activate" 'hen you&re ma"lysoina""ictive love$ These arean" thea very same areas that #rove" to rats fe' humans in the laboratory that they i/nore" everythin/ in favor of
!olts of #leasure #rovi"e" by "o#amine4#ro"ucin/ areas of the brain$ %n D( An"reas -artels an" 1emir Seki of 8niversity Colle/e .on"on recruite" K ma"ly4in4love stu"ents an" scanne" their brains 'hen they looke" at a #hoto of their belove" an" 'hen they looke" at a #hoto of a frien"$ The #leasure5re'ar"( "o#amine4rich circuit of their brains lit u# 'hen the stu"ents vie'e" a #hoto of their belove" an" staye" "ark 'hen lookin/ at a #hoto of a frien"$ -artels an" Seki conclu"e"( “%t is #erha#s sur#risin/ that so com#le2 an" over'helmin/ a sentiment loveZ shoul" correlate "ifferentially 'ith activity in such restricte" re/ions of the brain( an" fascinatin/ to reflect that the face that launche" a thousan" shi#s shoul" have "one so throu/h such a limite" e2#anse of corte2$) 1cientists may have been sur#rise" to learn that fallin/ ma"ly in love ta#s the same brain circuitry as snortin/ cocaine$ Ho'ever( anyone 'ho&s ever sat by the #hone 'aitin/ for the call( 9uit a !ob to follo' a lover( or slum#e" "esolate an" "efeate" in a chair 'ith no motivation to leave it after bein/ "um#e" 'oul" not be sur#rise" at all$ For lovers 'ho fall hea" over heels( love can feel like a roller coaster*there can be a fine line bet'een love as “the best thin/ that&s ever ha##ene" to me) an"( 'hile 'aitin/
im#atiently an" obsessively for the ne2t fi2( “the 'orst thin/ that&s ever ha##ene" to me$) 8nsur#risin/ly( /iven ho' common "ivorce an" breaku#s are( researchers say that for most cou#les the intense roller coaster lasts only a year or t'o$ -ut that "oesn&t mean the Honeymoon Effect can&t last$ ,hen researchers scanne" the brains of K 'omen an" men 'ho re#orte" they 'ere still intensely in love 'ith their s#ouses after an avera/e of D years of marria/e( the "o#amine4rich areas of their brains associate" 'ith re'ar" an" motivation lit u# !ust as they "o in 'omen an" men in the throes of ne' #assion$ The researchers 'rote( “These "ata su//est that the re'ar"4value associate" 'ith a lon/4term #artner may be sustaine"( similar to ne' love$) -ut the stu"y also foun" “many more brain re/ions) involve" in lon/4term intense romantic relationshi#s than in ne'ly4in4love relationshi#s( inclu"in/ areas that are linke" to attachment an" those that can mo"ulate an2iety an" #ain$ That su//ests that lon/4 time romantic love offers a bonus= “Thus #resent fin"in/s are in line 'ith behavioral observations su//estin/ that one key "istinction bet'een romantic love in its early an" later sta/es is /reater calm associate" 'ith the latter() conclu"e" the researchers$ The #leasure of "o#amine combines
'ith the calm that comes 'ith lon/4term( soli" attachment$ 1oun"s like Ha##ily Ever After to me0 @aso#ressin= -on"in/ an" A//ression %n most s#ecies( females an" males "o not form 'hat biolo/ists call “#air cou#les() let alone relationshi#s #o'erful enou/h to launch the thousan" shi#s of the Tro!an ,ar$ %n JK #ercent of mammals( for e2am#le( a male has se2 'ith a female in heat an" then /oes off to fin" another female to #ro"uce more offs#rin/I the females raise their offs#rin/ on their o'n$ To fi/ure out 'hat makes the G #ercent tick( researchers have e2tensively stu"ie" the #rairie vole( a hamster4siBe ro"ent from the Mi"'est$ 8nlike their #romiscuous( relatively asocial cousins( mea"o' voles( #rairiecoo#erate voles formto lifelon/ attachments their mates( rear their offs#rin/( 'ith an" a//ressively #rotect their nests$ ,hen the o##ortunity #resents itself( both male an" female #rairie voles may stray se2ually( but most come back to the #artner they&ve bon"e" 'ith for life$ %n fact( fiel" research has foun" that #rairie vole cou#les beat humans 'hen it comes to lon/4term #air bon"in/$ Three49uarters of #rairie vole cou#les en"ure until one "ies an" even
then most "ohave not take on a inne'onmate$ 1cientists Beroe" t'o closely relate" neuro#e#ti"es*vaso#ressin an" o2ytocin*that are
synthesiBe" in the hy#othalamus an" release" in the #ituitary to hel# e2#lain ho' #rairie voles bon" so closely$ 7esearchers have foun" rece#tors for both molecules in the #leasure5re'ar" re/ions of the male an" female #rairie vole( the same re/ions that li/ht u# in brain scans of humans in love$ Thou/h vaso#ressin an" o2ytocin may #lay a role in cementin/ relationshi#s in both males an" females( the stu"ies have focuse" on vaso#ressin in male #rairie voles an" o2ytocin :more later< in female #rairie voles$K Males #ro"uce a lot more vaso#ressin than females( 'hich is 'hy researchers have focuse" their vaso#ressin stu"ies on male #rairie voles$ %n animals( vaso#ressin in"uces characteristic male behavior like scent4markin/ of territory an" a//ression$ Hamsters( for e2am#le( start scent4markin/ their territory 'ithin a minute of bein/ in!ecte" 'ith vaso#ressin$ ,hen the #rairie vole e!aculates( his vaso#ressin levels soar( an" he also turns into an attentive #artner an" #arent$ Further corroboratin/ the link bet'een bon"in/ an" vaso#ressin( 'hen vir/in male #rairie voles are in!ecte" 'ith vaso#ressin( they start "efen"in/ their territory an" become instantly #ossessive of their mates$ These stu"ies reveal that vaso#ressin is linke" not !ust to bon"in/ but also to a//ression$L
You mi/ht e2#ect that the behavioral "ifferences bet'een faithful male #rairie voles an" #hilan"erin/ male mea"o' voles coul" be e2#laine" by their "ifferin/ levels of vaso#ressin :an" the more the better<( but that is not the case$ The key "ifference bet'een the t'o voles is the location of their vaso#ressin rece#tors$ 8nlike the mea"o' vole( the mono/amous #rairie vole&s vaso#ressin rece#tors are centere" in one of the brain&s #rinci#al #leasure5re'ar" re/ions( the ventral #alli"um( ne2t to the "o#amine4rich nucleus accumbens$ These re/ions are linke" to a""iction$J 7esearchers have also foun" the same #henomenon in #rimatesI mono/amous marmosets have hi/her levels of vaso#ressin boun" in the re'ar" centers of their brains than "o nonmono/amous rhesus maca9ues$D Ca#italiBin/ on this "iscovery( researchers at Emory 8niversity have turne" #romiscuous mea"o' voles into mate4 an" offs#rin/4lovin/ "a"s by creatin/ mutant mea"o' voles 'ith vaso#ressin rece#tors in their re'ar" center$D An" researchers have turne" laboratory #rairie voles into nonbon"in/ ca"s by blockin/ their vaso#ressin rece#tors in the lateral se#tum area of the brain$DD Perha#s to the "ismay of 'omen 'ith #hilan"erin/ #artners( human behavior is too com#licate" to
similarly en/ineer$ -ecause it&s so much har"er to stu"y humans( it&s too soon to say that human males mimic #rairie vole males$ -ut vaso#ressin is release" 'hen humans as 'ell as #rairie voles have se2( 'hich #rovi"es more evi"ence that the re'ar" centers of the brain are involve" 'ith bon"in/ an" love in humans as they are in #rairie voles$ 1cientists are becomin/ more an" more convince" that 'e can learn a lot from mono/amous #rairie voles an" that at least in males( vaso#ressin is a key in/re"ient in the love #otions that foster human bon"in/$ O2ytocin= The -on"s of .ove %f biochemistry 'ere sim#le( 'hich it&s not( all you&" nee" is o2ytocin( 'hose re#utation for bon"in/ is clear froman" some of hormone$ its nicknames= love "ru/( cu""le chemical( trust O2ytocin 'as once kno'n only as the molecule that stimulates uterine contractions "urin/ labor( milk #ro"uction in breast4fee"in/( an" the intense mother4 offs#rin/ bon" in mammals$ ,hen o2ytocin is in!ecte" into the brains of vir/in rats( it 9uickly in"uces maternal behavior*rat mothers 'ill cross an electrifie" /ri" to nurture #u#s$ ,hen o2ytocin is blocke"( mother rats stu"yin/ re!ect theirfemale #u#s$ #rairie voles -ut researchers "iscovere" that o2ytocin #romotes bon"in/ 'ith a
male #artner !ust as vaso#ressin #romotes male bon"in/ 'ith a female #artner$ -ecause their brains are #acke" 'ith o2ytocin rece#tors in the re'ar" centers an" o2ytocin levels increase "urin/ matin/( mono/amous female #rairie voles learn to associate the feelin/ of #leasure 'ith their mate :!ust as humans "o<$ ,hen o2ytocin is blocke"( famously mono/amous female #rairie voles "o not bon" 'ith their mates$DG ,hile animal stu"ies lai" the /roun"'ork for un"erstan"in/ the im#ortance of o2ytocin in cou#le bon"in/( it 'as stu"ies of human cou#les that turne" the molecule into a su#erstar outsi"e scientific circles$ %n one stu"y( 1'iss researchers /ave K cou#les a nasal s#ray containin/ either o2ytocin or a #lacebo$ The cou#les then #artici#ate" in a vi"eota#e" “conflict) "iscussion$ Those 'ho receive" o2ytocin e2hibite" more #ositive an" less ne/ative behavior an" lo'er levels of the stress hormone cortisol$ D Other stu"ies su//est that o2ytocin #romotes trust$ %n one e2#eriment( research sub!ects 'ere /iven a sum of money to invest 'ith a trustee$ Half the #artici#ants use" an o2ytocin nose s#ray before the e2#eriment an" the other half a #lacebo s#ray$ 1ub!ects 'ho receive" o2ytocin 'ere nearly t'ice as likely to turn all their money over to a trustee$ D An" a National %nstitute of Mental Health stu"y foun" that sub!ects
'ho inhale" o2ytocin before lookin/ at #ictures of threatenin/ faces ha" marke"ly lo'er activity in their brains& fear centers$D 8nsur#risin/ly( /iven its re#utation( ven"ors sellin/ o2ytocin nasal s#ray an" sublin/ual "ro#s have #roliferate" on the %nternet :one #ro"uct is calle" “.i9ui" Trust)<$ These o2ytocin #ro"ucts are markete" to a 'i"e4ran/in/ /rou# of #otential consumers( inclu"in/ sin/les lookin/ for relationshi#s( feu"in/ cou#les ho#in/ to save their relationshi#s( an" sales#eo#le 'ho 'ant #eo#le to instantly trust them$ -ut savvy cou#les cultivatin/ relationshi#s 'ith hi/h levels of trust an" comfortable bon"in/ kno' that( like #rairie voles( they can boost o2ytocin more #leasurably on their o'n an" 'ithout s#en"in/ a "ime throu/h kissin/( touchin/( cu""lin/( an" se2$ 1erotonin= Obsession %n JJJ( 8niversity of Pisa #sychiatrist +onatella MaraBBiti an" her collea/ues :the same /rou# of researchers that foun" elevate" cortisol levels in sub!ects ma"ly in love< "eci"e" to test the i"ea that the early sta/es of romantic love are akin to obsessive4com#ulsive :OC+<$ This#eo#le 'as anin e"ucate" /uess( /iven "isor"er the number of hours love re#ort thinkin/ about their #artners :“all the
time) is not an uncommon estimate< an" the number of #laintive love son/s 'ith a can&t4/et4her5him4out4 of4my4min" theme$ MaraBBiti an" her collea/ues recruite" D sub!ects 'ho ha" fallen in love in the #revious si2 months an" s#ent at least four hours a "ay thinkin/ about their belove"$ They also recruite" D unme"icate" OC+ #atients an" D control sub!ects neither in love nor sufferin/ from OC+$ ,hen the researchers teste" their sub!ects& bloo"( they foun" that the /rou# sufferin/ from OC+ an" those in love ha" similarly lo' levels of 4HT( a #rotein that trans#orts serotonin bet'een brain cells$ -ut the researchers also foun" that the similarities bet'een those in love an" those 'ho suffer from #atholo/ical OC+ 'ere short live"$ ,hen the researchers teste" the bloo" of a fe' of their in4love sub!ects D to L months after they first starte" their relationshi#s( their 4HT levels ha" returne" to the normal levels of the control /rou#$ The results of the e2#eriment( conclu"e" the Pisa researchers( “su//est that bein/ in love literally in"uces a state 'hich is not normal as in"ee" su//este" by a variety of collo9uial e2#ressions use" throu/hout the a/es in "ifferent countries( all of 'hich refer /enerally to fallin/ [insanely& in love or to bein/ [lovesick$&)DK
%n a""ition to lovesickness an" OC+( lo' levels of serotonin in the brain have been linke" to everythin/ from "e#ression to seasonal affective "isor"er to im#ulsive violence to ra/e$ %n fact( lo' serotonin levels cou#le" 'ith sur/in/ levels of "o#amine an" the stress hormone cortisol may hel# e2#lain the ra/e some lovers e2#erience after they&re "um#e"$ %n her book ,hy ,e .ove( anthro#olo/ist Helen Fisher e2#lains the neurolo/ical basis for 'hat forensic #sycholo/ist 3$ 7ei" Meloy calls aban"onment ra/e= “ the basic brain net'ork for ra/e is closely connecte" to centers in the #refrontal corte2 that #rocess re'ar"4assessment an" re'ar" e2#ectation$ An" 'hen #eo#le an" other animals be/in to realiBe that an e2#ecte" re'ar" is in !eo#ar"y( even unattainable( these centers in the #refrontal corte2 si/nal the amy/"ala an" tri//er ra/e For e2am#le( 'hen a cat&s brain circuits for re'ar" are artificially stimulate"( they feel intense #leasure$ %f this stimulation is 'ith"ra'n( ho'ever( they bite$ An" each time the #leasure is 'ith"ra'n( the cat /ets an/rier$) 1imilarly( “hell hath no fury) like a 'oman or man scorne"$ Fisher tells the story of one of the sub!ects of her stu"ies( -arbara$ -arbara&s brain ha" first been scanne" for a stu"y about #eo#le ma"ly in love$ At
that time( she 'as /lo'in/ 'ith health( o#timism( an" love for her #artner( Michael$ Five months later( 'hen she ha" her brain scanne" for a secon" time after Michael ha" re!ecte" her( her colorless face 'as streake" 'ith tears( she ha" lost 'ei/ht( an" she sa"ly "escribe" her misery= “% have a lum# of unha##iness in my chest$) -arbara&s unha##iness turne" to fury after she vie'e" a #hoto of Michael "urin/ her brain scan$ 1he lashe" out in an/er at Fisher= “,hy "o you 'ant to stu"y thisQ)DL At the most e2treme( some s#urne" lovers resort to stalkin/ an" violence*even mur"er$ Most #eo#le( ho'ever( 'allo' in misery for a 'hile an" then slo'ly start to heal( es#ecially if they meet another #artner relatively 9uickly$ You mi/ht think one 'ay of miti/atin/ aban"onment ra/e is to self4me"icate*say( u# your levels of serotonin$ -ut as is the case 'ith every love #otion in/re"ient( it&s not so sim#le an" more isn&t necessarily better$ These chemicals 'ork syner/istically an" can o#erate "ifferently "e#en"in/ on 'hich #art of the brain an" 'hich #art of the bo"y are involve"I also( #ickin/ one to elevate can backfire$ For e2am#le( there are a number of 'ell4"ocumente" si"e effects :inclu"in/ lo' libi"o< of 'i"ely #rescribe" anti"e#ressants such as ProBac or Pa2il( kno'n as
selective serotonin reu#take inhibitors( 'hich aim to increase serotonin levels$ Even the cu""le chemical o2ytocin( 'hich has #otential as a treatment for autism an" unassailable bon"in/ cre"entials( also has a "ark si"e accor"in/ to recent research$ -el/ian researchers have foun" that o2ytocin "oes not uncon"itionally #romote trust*it makes #eo#le more coo#erative 'hen #layin/ a social /ame if they&ve met their #artners before the /ame( but makes them less coo#erative 'hen they #lay 'ith an anonymous #artner they kno' nothin/ about$ DJ +utch researchers have also foun" that their sub!ects become more ethnocentric un"er the influence of o2ytocin$ ,hen aske" to resolve a moral "ilemma( such as choosin/ to save five lives from a runa'ay train by sacrificin/ one life( o2ytocin4sniffin/ +utch men more often save" fello' countrymen over Arabs an" 6ermans than "i" the control /rou#$ G “%t no' seems clear that there&s no free en"ocrine lunch$ Even if o2ytocin is !ust the thin/ to brin/ #eace in our time to the ro"ents of the 'orl"( there&s no sin/le hormonal s'itch that can make us better humans() 7obert M$ 1a#olsky( #rofessor of neuroscience at 1tanfor" 8niversity( 'rote in an o#4e" #iece calle" “Peace( .ove an" O2ytocin) in the .os An/eles Times$G
A better strate/y than tryin/ to fin" a ma/ic #otion to enhance your life is to focus on your min" because your biochemistry matches your #erce#tions$ -efore % move on from love #otions to the ne2t cha#ter( 'hich "eals 'ith the min"( this is a /oo" time to #oint out that the casca"e of chemicals that "rive love can be unleashe" not !ust by fallin/ in love 'ith a #erson but also by fallin/ in love 'ith a #ro!ect or i"ea$ Artists #aintin/ in a frenBy( entre#reneurs startin/ a business( a cell biolo/ist 'ritin/ about the Honeymoon Effect( a teena/er in love*'herever there is #assion( not far behin" are the #otent chemical bre's that motivate us to #ursue the ob!ects of our "esire$
CHAPTE7 Four Min"s +on&t Think Alike The ma/ic of first love is our i/norance that it can ever en"$ *-EN3AM%N +%17AE.% You ha" the /oo" vibes /oin/$ You 'ere hi/h from the love #otions coursin/ throu/h your bo"y$ You 'ere hummin/ all the craBy4in4love son/s you&ve ever hear"( an" for once they ma"e total sense$ You ha" create" the Honeymoon Effect 'ith the love of your life( an" you kne' that this time it 'as /oin/ to last forever$ E2ce#t it "i"n&t$ %t all came crashin/ "o'n( an" you 'ere left "evastate" an" obsesse" 'ith 'hat mi/ht have been$ An" #uBBle"= ho' coul" somethin/ so ma/ical "e/enerate into en"less( bickerin/ recriminations an"( if you 'ere marrie"( "ivorce courtQ After all( you 'ante" it to 'ork$ You believe" it 'oul" 'ork$ Maybe The -iolo/y of -elief 'orks for other #eo#le( you&re thinkin/( but it "oesn&t for you$
Yes( it "oes0 -ut there&s a catch( 'hich e2#lains 'hy #ositive thinkin/ an" believin/( by themselves( "on&t 'ork$ The catch is that 'hen you bon"e" so closely 'ith your #artner "urin/ those first blissful "ays an" months( your behaviors an" actions 'ere controlle" by the #rocessin/ of your conscious min"s$ The conscious min" is the “creative) min"( the one that acts on behalf of your 'ishes an" "esires$ 1o 'hen the conscious min"s of t'o lovers entan/le( to/ether they create ma/ical harmony$ -ecause honeymoon #artners are o#eratin/ from their "ee#est 'ishes an" "esires( the outcome of their interactions is voil\( Heaven on Earth0 Ho'ever( over time( your conscious min" becomes bur"ene" 'ith thou/hts "ealin/ 'ith the busyness of every"ay life*balancin/ your bu"/et( sche"ulin/ your chores( #lannin/ your 'eeken"$ The #rocessin/ of the conscious min" shifts from creatin/ the honeymoon e2#erience to the mana/ement an" strate/ies nee"e" to "eal 'ith #erceive" necessities$ The result is that the conscious min" relin9uishes behavioral control to "efault #ro/rams #reviously store" in the subconscious min"$ ,hen it comes to #artners( there are su""enly four instea" of t'o min"s involve"$ An" these t'o “e2tra)
subconscious min"s can 'reak havoc on Ha##ily4 Ever4After relationshi#s$ ,hen our conscious min"s sto# #ayin/ attention to the moment( 'e lose control over our honeymoon creation because 'e unkno'in/ly en/a/e in #re#ro/ramme" behaviors 'e ac9uire" throu/h our "evelo#mental e2#eriences$ For many cou#les( once that subconscious #ro/rammin/ comes to the fore( the honeymoon /lo' fa"es very 9uickly$ That&s not sur#risin/( because the behaviors #ro/ramme" in the subconscious min" are #rimarily "erive" from observin/ an" "o'nloa"in/ other #eo#le&s behaviors :many of them ne/ative an" "isem#o'erin/<*es#ecially those of your #arents( imme"iate family( community( an" culture$ You start seein/ a si"e of your #artner :an" yourself< that never emer/e" "urin/ the honeymoon$ ,hen the conscious min" sto#s #ayin/ attention to the current moment( you automatically an"( most im#ortant( unconsciously en/a/e in behaviors you "o'nloa"e" from others$ Here&s a scenario that may be all too familiar to you$ You&re baskin/ in the Honeymoon Effect( full of love for your su##ortive #artner 'ho li/hts u# your life$ Then one "ay you ask him a sim#le( lovin/ 9uestion$ He&s not thinkin/ about ho' /oo" your relationshi# is$ His conscious min" is #reoccu#ie" 'ith fi2in/ the car
or #ayin/ the rent( so he res#on"s refle2ively an" nastily 'ith a tone that says( “.eave me alone$) 1hocke"( you res#on"= “,ho are youQ) You have !ust e2#erience" the moment 'hen honeymoons /enerally be/in to fall a#art$ He res#on"e" so unconsciously that he "i"n&t even notice ho' nasty he 'as$ An"( in his res#onse to 'hat he #erceives as a #ersonal “attack) on his character( he starts "i//in/ in his heels to "efen" himself to the "eath$ He&s thinkin/( 1he accuse" me of not bein/ me$ %&m the same me %&ve al'ays been$ % "on&t kno' 'hat she&s talkin/ about$ ,hat&s her #roblemQ Mean'hile( you&re thinkin/( ,here is the lovin/ man % marrie"Q Your conscious min" "etaches from the current moment to assess the un#leasant situation in 'hich you no' fin" yourself$ 8h4oh( unbekno'nst to you( you also unconsciously "efault to your o'n formerly hi""en subconscious behaviors that you ac9uire" from your family an" culture$ No' it&s your #artner&s turn to be shocke" as his once lovin/ s#ouse shifts into criticism an" blame( as 'ell as other less than lovin/ #ro/rams you "o'nloa"e" from your #arents$ As the "aily issues of life increasin/ly occu#y your an" your #artner&s conscious min"s( more "isharmonious unconscious behavior #atterns be/in
to rise to the surface$ 1oon you both shift from a##reciatin/ your #artner to focusin/ on his or her #erio"ic nasty outbursts$ -oth you an" your #artner turn "efensive an" be/in to criti9ue other faults= he never cleans u#( she never #uts the ca# on the tooth#aste( an" on an" on$ All the thin/s you i/nore" in the first /lo' of love no' start to bu/ you$ %f you met throu/h an online "atin/ service( both of you 'ant your money back0 He5she "i"n&t fill out the 9uestionnaire honestly0 -ut actually you both fille" it out in /oo" faith$ You both fille" it out consciously* an" that&s the rub$ Your thou/htful submissions from your conscious min"s truly re#resent the #eo#le you as#ire to be$ 8nfortunately( the character of the “you) 'ho ans'ere" the 9uestionnaire normally e2#resses itself only about #ercent of the time$ ,hat both #artners faile" to inclu"e in their surveys 'ere the sabota/in/ an" limitin/ subconscious #ro/rams they ac9uire" from others( 'hich all of us unconsciously en/a/e in about J #ercent of the time$ ,ith the a##earance of uninvite" behaviors J #ercent of the time( you an" your #artner have most "efinitively left the honeymoon an" are back on the roa" of conventional life$ %f any of these heretofore unseen( "estructive( an" "isturbin/ behaviors ha" surface" on the first "ay of your relationshi#( there
#robably 'oul" not have been a secon" "ay$ No' you&re 'on"erin/ if you shoul" lo'er your e2#ectations an" acce#t 'hat your relationshi# has become( because “This is the 'ay life is( an" % have to acce#t the ba" 'ith the /oo"$) Or 'ill the many com#romises you make as you a"!ust to abusive behavior become so intolerable that your once seemin/ly unbreakable bon" shattersQ You say( “The hell 'ith this$ % can&t "o this$) An" then you /o out :a/ain< an" try to fin" 'hat you once ha"$ The cul#rit for this re#eatin/ cycle is invisible= it&s the behaviors #ro/ramme" in you an" your #artner&s subconscious min"s$ Your conscious min"s sent you on the 9uest to fin" a lovin/ #artner an" re!oice" 'hen you foun" the One( yet your subconscious min" is "estroyin/ 'hat you&ve create"$ -ut once you kno' that you&re "ealin/ 'ith four min"s in the relationshi#( an" once you kno' ho' to chan/e the ne/ative #ro/rammin/ of your subconscious min"s( you 'ill have the tools to recreate 'hat you&ve lost$ The Hi/h4Min"e"( Creative Conscious Min" To better un"erstan" ho' this ha##ens( let&s talk more about the relationshi# brainlike an"athe min"$ The human brain is abet'een #hysicalthe "evice ra"io$ The min"( both conscious an" subconscious( is
analo/ous to the #ro/rammin/ you hear on the ra"io$ The activity of the conscious min" is #rimarily associate" 'ith the neural #rocessin/ activity of the #refrontal corte2( the last evolutionary a""ition to the human brain$ The conscious min" is the seat of your #ersonal i"entity$ %t i"entifies you as a "istinct in"ivi"ual( a uni9ue s#irit$ The conscious min" mana/es your #ersonal 'ishes( "esires( an" as#irations$ ,hen % ask you 'hat kin" of relationshi#s you 'ant in your life( your lovely( hi/h4min"e" ans'er comes from the conscious min"*% 'ant a relationshi# base" on love( e9uality( an" res#ect as 'ell as se2ual chemistry$ This is the “#ositive thinkin/) min" that o#timistically sticks Post4it notes on the refri/erator that say( “% "eserve a lovin/ relationshi#) or “% eat healthy foo"$) This is also the creative min" that can look to the #ast an" the futureI it is not boun" by time$ Your conscious min" can ans'er 9uestions about 'hat you&re "oin/ ne2t ,e"nes"ay or 'hat you "i" last ,e"nes"ay$ %t&s the min" that can “"etach) from the current moment an" "ay"ream all "ay about 'hat mi/ht ha##en*you mi/ht 'in the lottery$ You mi/ht meet Prince Charmin/$
-ut 'ait a minute= if your conscious min" isn&t #ayin/ attention an" “mana/in/) the #resent moment because it&s busy thinkin/ /reat thou/hts or "ay"reamin/ about the kin" of life you 'ant to live( 'ho is left to mana/e the “sho')Q Neuroscience researchers tell us that because of the conscious min"&s ability to flit from thou/ht to thou/ht( humans( on avera/e( use their #ersonally creative conscious min" to control their behavior4re/ulatin/ co/nitive activity :as % mentione" on As the( but it bears re#eatin/< about #ercent of the time$ -y "efault( the remainin/ J #ercent of our co/nitive activity is controlle" by #reviously ac9uire" #ro/rams "o'nloa"e" into the subconscious min"$ The Habitual( 7ecor"4Play 1ubconscious Min" The subconscious min" is the min" that( Post4it notes be "amne"( com#els us to lun/e for the ;ris#y ;reme "onuts in the refri/erator or fall for the bi//est !erk at the #arty*a/ain$ The subconscious is associate" 'ith the neural activity of a much lar/er #art of the brain :a##ro2imately J #ercent< than the conscious min"&s #refrontal corte2$ The subconscious min" is also a #rofoun"ly more #o'erful on our behavior than the conscious min"$influence The conscious min"&s #refrontal corte2 can #rocess an" mana/e a relatively
measly nerve im#ulses #er secon"$ %n contrast( the J #ercent of the brain that constitutes the subconscious min"&s #latform can #rocess million nerve im#ulses #er secon"$ That makes the subconscious min"&s #rocessor million times more #o'erful than the conscious min"&s$D You mi/ht at this #oint be "evelo#in/ a "eci"e"ly ne/ative attitu"e to'ar" your #o'erful subconscious min" that is sabota/in/ your best efforts to create the Honeymoon Effect in your life*an" to stay a'ay from "onuts$ :Mar/aret refers to these as “circles of "eath$)< -ut the subconscious min" #lays a most im#ortant an" valuable role in human "evelo#ment an" in our "aily lives$ %n any case( it&s a 'aste of time to fi/ht or blame the subconscious min"( as %&m tem#te" to "o 'hen % scarf "o'n a ;ris#y ;reme "onut$ That&s 'hen my conscious min" berates me= You stu#i" i"iot$ ,hy "i" you eat them 'hen you !ust finishe" vo'in/ to avoi" themQ % can yell all % 'ant an" blame all % 'ant( but %&m 'astin/ my time sim#ly because there&s nobo"y in the subconscious min" to res#on" to my rant0 +emoniBin/ your subconscious min" is akin to screamin/ at your television$ %s your television /oo" or ba"Q Neither$ ,hat are you 'atchin/Q +on&t blame the television set( blame the #ro/rammin/0 %s your subconscious
min" /oo" or ba"Q Neither$ The subconscious min" is #rimarily an amaBin/ recor"5#layback mechanism that( unlike the conscious min"( e2#resses little creativity an" has no sense of time$ %t is al'ays in the #resent moment( "oesn&t see a future( an" certainly "oesn&t listen or care 'hen you yell at it0 7ather than "emoniBin/ or battlin/ 'ith your subconscious over its bothersome behavioral #ro/rams( it&s best to ackno'le"/e its #o'er$ % /rant you that this 'oul" be a very "e#ressin/ book if % coul" only e2#lain ho' your best intentions an" your best love affairs have been sabota/e" by your subconscious min" 'ithout #ointin/ you to tools you can use to re#ro/ram your subconscious min"$ -ut thankfully( 'e are not "oome" to live 'ith our subconscious min"s& self4sabota/in/ behaviors$ Ho'ever( before % talk about ho' to re#ro/ram your subconscious min"( %&ll e2#lain 'here all the ne/ative #ro/rammin/ came from : not you<$ Then %&ll #oint you to tools for re#ro/rammin/ your subconscious min" so you can remove the invisible obstacles that are #reventin/ you from creatin/ an"5or maintainin/ the Honeymoon Effect in your life$ Pro/rammin/ in 8tero
+octors use" to think :an" some still "o< that all #re/nant 'omen can "o to su##ort their babies& health is eat 'ell( take vitamins an" minerals( an" e2erciseI accor"in/ to conventional thou/ht( /ene #ro/rams 'ill mana/e the rest$ -ut more recent research has lai" to rest the myth that the unborn chil" is not so#histicate" enou/h to react to anythin/ other than its nutritional environment$ %t turns out that the more researchers learn( the more they realiBe ho' so#histicate" the fetal an" infant nervous system( 'hich has vast sensory an" learnin/ ca#abilities( is$ “The truth is( much of 'hat 'e have tra"itionally believe" about babies is false$ ,e have misun"erstoo" an" un"erestimate" their abilities$ They are not sim#le bein/s but com#le2 an" a/eless*small creatures 'ith une2#ecte"ly lar/e thou/hts() 'rites +avi" Chamberlain in his book The Min" of Your Ne'born -aby$G %n a 'orl" base" on /enetic control( 'here /enes "etermine an or/anism&s fate( science only nee"e" to focus on the influence of the maternal bloo"&s nutritional contribution in su##ortin/ fetal "evelo#ment$ Ho'ever( in the 'ake of the e#i/enetic revolution an" ne' science revealin/ that environmental si/nals control /ene e2#ression( 'e no' kno' that the "evelo#in/ fetus is influence" by
more than !ust the nutrients in the mother&s bloo"$ Maternal bloo" also contains a vast array of “information) molecules( such as the chemicals( hormones( an" /ro'th factors that influence an" control the mother&s emotional an" #hysical health$ No' 'e kno' that the very same chemicals that sha#e a mother&s e2#eriences an" behaviors cross the #lacenta an" tar/et the same cells an" /enes in the fetus that they "o in the mother$ The conse9uence is that the "evelo#in/ fetus( bathe" in the same bloo" chemistry as the mother( e2#eriences the same emotions an" #hysiolo/y as the mother$ The fetus( for e2am#le( absorbs cortisol an" other stress hormones if the mother is chronically an2ious$ %f the chil" is un'ante" for any reason( the fetus is bathe" in the chemicals of re!ection$ %f the mother is 'il"ly in love 'ith her baby an" her #artner( the fetus is bathe" in the love #otions you rea" about in the last cha#ter$ %f the mother is furious 'ith the father( 'ho has aban"one" her "urin/ the #re/nancy( the fetus is bathe" in the chemicals of an/er$ %n my lectures % sho' a vi"eo from the AssociaBione NaBionale E"ucaBione Prenatale because it /ra#hically #ortrays the inter"e#en"ent relationshi# bet'een #arents an" their unborn chil"$ %n the vi"eo( a mother an" father en/a/e in a lou" ar/ument 'hile
the 'oman is un"er/oin/ a sono/ram$ You can see the fetus !um# 'hen the ar/ument starts$ ,hen the ar/ument escalates 'ith the soun" of shatterin/ /lass an" even hi/her4#itche" screamin/( the fetus is fearful *it arches its bo"y in a shock res#onse an" !um#s hi/her( as if it 'ere on a tram#oline$ This sono/ram an" other research make it clear that fetuses react stron/ly to the environment #rovi"e" by the mother an" influence" by the father$ 1ays +r$ Thomas 7$ @erny( 'hose #ioneerin/ JL book( The 1ecret .ife of the 8nborn Chil"( first lai" out the case for the influence #arents have even in the 'omb( “%n fact( the /reat 'ei/ht of the scientific evi"ence that has emer/e" over the last "eca"e "eman"s that 'e reevaluate the mental an" emotional abilities of unborn chil"ren$ A'ake or aslee#( the stu"ies sho'( unborn chil"renZ are constantly tune" in to their mother&s every action( thou/ht( an" feelin/$ From the moment of conce#tion( the e2#erience in the 'omb sha#es the brain an" lays the /roun"'ork for #ersonality( emotional tem#erament( an" the #o'er of hi/her thou/ht$) The "evelo#in/ fetal brain not only res#on"s to the chemical messen/ers in maternal bloo"I it also ac9uires a memory of these chemical casca"es that "efine its in utero e2#eriences$ -y the time a chil" is
born( she or he has alrea"y "o'nloa"e" the emotional “music) of behavior( a tune that 'ill en"ure throu/hout the chil"&s life$ The chil" is born 'histlin/ a s#ecific tune because he or she has alrea"y been #ro/ramme" 'ith the #atterns of emotional chemicals e2#erience" 'ithin the mother in the 'omb$ %t&s not a sin/le event like the ar/ument % "escribe" that creates the #ro/rammin/*it&s the re#etitive #atterns of the mother&s emotional casca"es$ After birth( the chil" /oes about the !ob of creatin/ life e2#eriences that become the lyrics that match the emotional music$ That&s /reat if the tune is a melo"y create" in love( but it&s not so /reat if the mother&s emotional state 'as chronically unstable "urin/ her #re/nancy$ The nature of this #ro/rammin/ is im#ortant for a"o#tive #arents 'hose chil"ren have come from chaotic back/roun"s$ These #arents are often una'are that even 'hen they a"o#te" a chil" as an infant( their chil" may have alrea"y "o'nloa"e" a #attern of "ysfunctional emotional chemistry that becomes the “music) for a less than #ositive behavioral son/*th e chil" is not a blank slate$ A"o#tive #arents sho'er attention on their chil"ren an" are then shocke" 'hen the chil"ren they so lovin/ly nurture" start manifestin/ the behavior of their "ysfunctional birth #arents$
,hat they "on&t realiBe is that the foun"ation of a chil"&s #ersonality has alrea"y "evelo#e" by the time of her or his birth$ A ne' fiel" of stu"y kno'n as fetal ori/ins asserts that #renatal "evelo#ment constitutes the most conse9uential #erio" of our lives( #ermanently influencin/ the 'irin/ of the brain an" sha#in/ our intelli/ence an" tem#erament$ %n her cover story for Time ma/aBine( Annie Mur#hy Paul ackno'le"/es( “ a #re/nant 'oman&s mental state can sha#e her offs#rin/&s #syche$) The nine months in the 'omb are so fun"amental to human "evelo#ment in every area of life that +r$ @erny says he 'oul" like #re/nant 'omen to 'ear “-aby un"er Construction) T4shirts to broa"cast this crucial fact$ %n truth( the mother :an" by e2tension her relationshi# 'ith the father< serves as nature&s Hea" 1tart #ro/ram$ Throu/h the mother&s #hysiolo/y( an" es#ecially her bloo" that crosses into the #lacenta( the fetus is in"irectly learnin/ about the 'orl" it 'ill be born into an" actively a"!ustin/ its behavior an" /enetics to survive in his or her #arents& 'orl"$ Pro/rammin/ Post 8tero The #ace of learnin/ at 'ar# s#ee" after birth$ -abies come intocontinues the 'orl" #re#ro/ramme" 'ith some instinctual behaviors like sucklin/( but they
have so much more to learn before they can navi/ate this 'orl" by themselves$ No 'on"er evolution has en"o'e" babies& an" youn/ chil"ren&s brains 'ith the ability to "o'nloa" an unima/inable number of behaviors an" beliefs very 9uickly$ One key to un"erstan"in/ ho' this massive "o'nloa" takes #lace is the brain&s fluctuatin/ electrical activity as measure" by EE6s$ %n a"ult brains( EE6 activity ran/es over five fre9uencies of brain 'aves( from the lo'est4fre9uency "elta 'aves to the hi/hest4fre9uency /amma 'aves$ -ut in youn/ chil"ren the t'o lo'est4fre9uency brain 'aves( theta an" "elta( #re"ominate$a(b %n the 'omb an" throu/h the first year of life( the human brain #re"ominantly o#erates at the slo'est brain4'ave fre9uency( $ to cycles #er secon" :HB<( kno'n as "elta 'aves$ This isn&t sur#risin/ because babies slee# a lotI in a"ults( "elta 'aves #re"ominate "urin/ our "ee#est slee#( 'hen 'e "ream an" 'e&re har"est to 'ake u#$ From t'o to si2 years ol"( a chil"&s #re"ominant brain 'ave is theta : to L HB<( a vibrational fre9uency associate" 'ith the state of ima/ination$ This is the sta/e of "evelo#ment 'hen a chil"&s "eli/htful ima/ination runs 'il"$ ,hen you see a chil" 'ith a broom an" he or she says it&s a horse( "on&t tell
the chil" it&s only a broom0 %t&s a horse in the chil"&s min"( because at this 'on"erful sta/e of life theta 'aves "ominate brain function( a state in 'hich ima/ination an" reality become entan/le"$ %n the chil"&s min"( the broom has become a horse$ E9ually im#ortant( theta brain fre9uencies are associate" 'ith the state of hy#nosis "urin/ 'hich information can be "irectly "o'nloa"e" into the subconscious min"$ To in"uce this ima/inative( su//estible state in a"ults( hy#notists use metho"s "esi/ne" to "ro# their clients& brain4'ave fre9uencies "o'n into the mello'er theta ran/e$ For the first si2 years of life( chil"ren "o not e2#ress the 9uality of consciousness associate" 'ith al#ha( beta( an" /amma EE6 activity as #re"ominant brain states$ Chil"ren&s brains #rimarily function belo' creative consciousness( !ust as a"ult brain activity "ro#s belo' consciousness in slee# an" "urin/ hy#nosis$ %n their hi/hly #ro/rammable theta state( chil"ren recor" vast amounts of information they nee" to survive in their environment( but they "o not have the ca#acity to consciously evaluate the information 'hile it is bein/ "o'nloa"e"$ Anyone 'ho "oubts the so#histication of this "o'nloa"in/ shoul" think about the first time your chil" blurte" out a curse 'or" #icke" u# from you$ %&m sure you note" its
so#histication( correct #ronunciation( nuance" style( an" conte2t carryin/ your si/nature$ This in/eniously "esi/ne" behavior4"o'nloa" system can be hi!acke" by hy#ercritical #arents :an" %&m not talkin/ about the occasional s'ear 'or"<$ Most of us /re' u# in families 'here 'e "o'nloa"e" criticism from our #arents= “You "on&t "eserve that$ You&re not /oo" at art$ You&re not smart$ You&re ba"$ You&re a sickly chil"$) Most often #arents "on&t mean to say that their chil" is unlovableI they&re actin/ like a coach 'ho uses ne/ative criticism to /oa" his #layers into tryin/ har"er$ 1uch #arental coachin/ efforts re9uire that chil"ren have the consciousness to inter#ret the #ositive lo/ic behin" their #arents& ne/ative criti9ues$ -ut a chil"&s brain #re"ominantly o#erates belo' consciousness :al#ha 'aves< in the first si2 to seven years of life$ +urin/ those years( a chil" is unable to intellectually un"erstan" that verbal barbs are not trueI the #arent&s ne/ative assessments are "o'nloa"e" as truth !ust as surely as bits an" bytes are "o'nloa"e" to the har" "rive of your "eskto# com#uter$ Critical #arents have no i"ea that in their effort to hel#( they&re actually sentencin/ their chil" to /o throu/h life feelin/ un'orthy$
Here&s an e2am#le$ A "a" is sho##in/ at ;mart 'ith his five4year4ol" son$ The son s#ies a toy he becomes enthralle" 'ith an" he has to have it no'$ ,hen his "a" says no( the chil" thro's a hu/e tantrum that attracts the attention of every sho##er in the toy section$ Frustrate"( the "a" /ets u#set an" an/rily blurts out in his most authoritative( scary voice( “You "on&t "eserve that0) The youn/er chil" "irectly "o'nloa"s the "a"&s 'or"s an" his re!ectin/ tone at face value$ %&m not /oo" enou/h$ %&m not lovable$ This “not lovable) #ro/rammin/ is one of the bi//est im#e"iments to creatin/ the Honeymoon Effect in your life$ %n fact( 'hen subconscious #ro/rammin/ is assesse" 'ith muscle testin/( most #eo#le&s subconscious min"s re!ect the statement “% love myself$) % learne" about the effectiveness of muscle testin/ the first time % 'ent to a chiro#ractor after a serious motorcycle acci"ent$ The chiro#ractor "emonstrate" muscle testin/ as a means of communicatin/ 'ith the subconscious min"$ He aske" me to hol" out my arm an" resist the "o'n'ar" #ressure he a##lie" to it$ % ha" no #roblem resistin/ the li/ht force he #ut on my arm$ Then he aske" me to hol" out my arm an" resist him a/ain( this time 'hile sayin/( “My name is -ruce$) A/ain( % ha" no trouble resistin/ his #ressure$
Then he tol" me to hol" out my arm an" resist his #ressure 'hile sayin/( “My name is Mary$) To my amaBement( my arm flo##e" "o'n( "es#ite my stron/ resistance$ “Try that a/ain() % sai"$ “A##arently( % 'asn&t rea"y$) 1o 'e "i"( an" this time % concentrate" even more forcefully on resistin/$ Nevertheless( after % re#eate"( “My name is Mary() my arm sank like a stone$ That&s because 'hen the conscious min" makes a statement that conflicts 'ith a belief store" in the subconscious min"( the resultin/ "isharmony is e2#erience" as 'eakenin/ of the bo"y&s muscles$ %n my lectures( % often ask the au"ience to muscle test the #hrase “% love myself$) ,hen the ma!ority of arms sink( % ask them to think about ho' their subconscious belief that they are not lovable im#acts their relationshi#$ %f you "on&t love yourself 'ith both min"s( 'hat is the chance that other #eo#le 'ill love youQ @ery lo'( because your subconscious min" "oes not believe you are lovable$ %f someone "oes claim they love you( ho' 'orthy can they be 'hen even you "on&t fin" yourself lovableQ 1ubconscious #ro/rams of “unlovability() o#eratin/ J #ercent of the time( unconsciously create behaviors that reveal ho' you feel$ You may think it&s a secret( "ee# thou/ht( but it&s #layin/ all over your face in the 'or"s you unconsciously blurt out an" the behaviors
you "is#lay but "on&t observe$ More im#ortant( your "ysfunctional beliefs are broa"cast in your ener/y fiel" an" can invisibly sabota/e your efforts to create the kin" of relationshi#s your conscious min" so "es#erately seeks$ %t&s not only 'or"s that /et lo"/e" in #eo#le&s subconscious min"s "urin/ chil"hoo" #ro/rammin/ but also behavior$ %n their theta4in"uce" hy#na/o/ic trance( chil"ren carefully observe as 'ell as listen to their #arents an" then mimic their behavior by "o'nloa"in/ it into their subconscious min"s$ ,hen #arents mo"el /reat behavior( theta hy#nosis re#resents a fabulous tool that enhances a chil"&s ability to learn all kin"s of skills to survive in the 'orl"$ An" 'hen #arental behavior is not so /reat( the same theta “recor"in/s) can "ra/ the chil"&s life into the /roun"$ 7esearch has sho'n that our close cousins( chim#anBees( share our ability to learn by observation alone$ %n a series of e2#eriments over a #erio" of t'o years at ;yoto 8niversity&s Primate 7esearch %nstitute( a female chim# 'as tau/ht to i"entify the 3a#anese characters for a variety of colors$ ,hen the 3a#anese character for a s#ecific color 'as flashe" on a com#uter screen( the chim# learne" to choose the ri/ht color s'atch$ 8#on selectin/ the ri/ht color( she
receive" a coin from the com#uter that she coul" then #ut in a ven"in/ machine to select a fruit treat$ .ate in her trainin/ #rocess( the chim# ha" a baby she hel" close to her throu/h subse9uent sessions$ To the sur#rise of the researchers( one "ay( as the mother 'as retrievin/ her fruit from the ven"in/ machine( the infant chim# activate" the com#uter$ ,hen the character a##eare" on the screen( the baby chim# selecte" the correct color( /rabbe" the re'ar" coin( an" then follo'e" his mother to the ven"in/ machines$ The astonishe" researchers 'ere left to conclu"e that infants can #ick u# com#le2 skills solely by observation an" "on&t have to be actively coache" by their #arents$K ,hile this stu"y an" others have 'on"erful im#lications for learnin/( they have scary im#lications for chil"ren /ro'in/ u# in "ysfunctional househol"s 'ith( for e2am#le( "omestic violence or "ru/4 or alcohol4a""icte" #arents$ They also have scary im#lications for less "ramatically "ysfunctional househol"s$ 3ust think about the information many of us "o'nloa"e" about the unhealthy as#ects of our #arents& marria/es0 -ut( you say( “%&m "ifferent$ % have vo'e" to create relationshi#s that are not like the one my #arents ha"$) That&s a lau"able /oal create" by your conscious min"&s 'ishes an" "esires( but
mean'hile your "ominant subconscious min"( #ro/ramme" by your #arents( is controllin/ your behavior$ 1ince it&s sometimes har" to break throu/h #eo#le&s "enial about their subconscious #ro/rammin/( think not about yourself but about a frien" you&ve kno'n for a lon/ time*you kno' your frien" “-ill) an" you also kno' his "a"$ One "ay you reco/niBe that -ill shares some of the same behaviors his "a" e2#resses$ Casually you offer( “-ill( you&re !ust like your "a"$) That&s 'hen you ha" better back a'ay from -ill0 He /oes ballistic an" res#on"s( “,hat "o you mean %&m like my "a"Q % am nothin/ like my "a"$) The #oint of this story is that everyone else can see that -ill&s behavior is like his "a"&sI it&s only -ill 'ho "oesn&t see his o'n subconscious #ro/rammin/0 An" /uess 'hat= “,e are all -ill0) ,e think 'e&re actin/ out of the 'ishes( "esires( an" as#irations of our conscious min"$ -ut as soon as our conscious min" starts to "rift off in thou/ht( it sto#s #ayin/ attention to the current moment$ That&s 'hen the #ro/rams of our subconscious min"s kick in$ ,e start actin/ like our #arents( an" 'e "on&t even see it0 No'( you&re 'on"erin/( 'hen "i" the theta4in"uce" "o'nloa" #rocess sto#Q Aroun" the a/e of si2 to seven( chil"ren become less susce#tible to hy#notic
#ro/rammin/ as their "evelo#in/ brains start to function increasin/ly at hi/her4fre9uency al#ha 'aves :L to D HB<$ Al#ha 'ave activity is correlate" 'ith states of calm consciousness$ Finally( the chil" be/ins to e2#erience a sense of “self$) .et&s revisit the ;mart scenario( but this time the chil" is ten years ol" an" his brain is #re"ominantly o#eratin/ in conscious al#ha4'ave activity$ This time 'hen the chil" hears “You "on&t "eserve that toy() he "oes not necessarily :e2ce#t in abusive families< take his "a" literally$ He uses his conscious min" to evaluate the situation an" tells himself this very accurate story= My "a"&s an/ry because %&m slo'in/ "o'n the sho##in/*an" he hates to sho#0 He 'ants me to shut u# because he 'ants to finish sho##in/ an" /o home an" 'atch a football /ame$ % kno' he loves me an" % "i" !ust /et lots of ne' toys for my birth"ay last 'eek Of course( not all ol"er chil"ren or a"ults are able to create such a #erce#tive accountin/ of their relationshi#s$ Even a"ults may fall into the same subconscious tra# 'hen they are not usin/ their critical evaluatin/ min"s an" they have a history of ne/ative #ro/rammin/$ -ut 'hen chil"ren are very youn/ they are inca#able of creatin/ such an assessment because( as % e2#laine" earlier( they are
not o#eratin/ from their conscious min"s$ %n this anec"ote( the five4year4ol" chil"&s uncreative subconscious min" literally acce#te" his father&s res#onse as a statement of “truth$) At ten( he can see the situation clearly for e2actly 'hat it is$ -ut before he "evelo#e" that conscious ca#ability( he "o'nloa"e" into his subconscious a lot of ne/ative an" "isem#o'erin/ information from both his #arents an" his community$ ,hat "oes this have to "o 'ith the Honeymoon EffectQ None of the #ro/rammin/ you receive" before the a/e of si2 came from your 'ishes( "esires( an" as#irations$ %t came from observin/ your #arents an" your community( an" that is the #ro/rammin/ that #rimarily im#acts ho' you a##roach relationshi#s$ %t also e2#lains the #atterns of relationshi#s= 'hy some #eo#le look for love in all the 'ron/ #laces( 'hy some #eo#le can&t sustain a relationshi#( an" 'hy some blesse" #eo#le live a charme" life 'hen it comes to relationshi#s$ For most #eo#le( 'ho "i"n&t have enli/htene" #arents( this is the #ro/rammin/ 'e nee" to un"o before 'e can en!oy the Honeymoon Effect every "ay of our lives$ 7e#ro/rammin/ the 1ubconscious Min" $ -e conscious of 'hat you ask for
Over the years( Mar/aret an" % have learne" from #ersonal e2#erience a truth 'e have often hear" before= to hel# yourself an" to assist the 8niverse in hel#in/ you( it is im#ortant to visualiBe an" list e2actly 'hat you 'ant out of life$ ,herever our /oals are unclear( the 8niverse "oes its best to fill in the blanks$ 8nfortunately( it&s 'hat sho's u# in the "etails 'e "i" not #lan on that can seriously un"ermine our "esire" /oals an" as#irations$ ,ith that in min"( before you start re#ro/rammin/ your subconscious min"( it 'oul" be best to ste# back an" ask yourself consciously= “,hat is it that % really 'antQ) % use" to tell #eo#le to be careful of statin/ 'hat they 'ant because they&re /oin/ to /et it( until my 'on"erful life #artner( Mar/aret( #ointe" out ho' ne/ative that a"monition is$ 1o %&ve chan/e" the statement to one Mar/aret su//este"= “-e conscious of 'hat you ask for because you&re /oin/ to /et it$) Make a mental list of 'hat you are lookin/ for in a relationshi#$ Fill in as many "etails as you can ima/ine( the more the better$ This is an e2ercise that makes sure your conscious min" is creatively en/a/e" in com#ilin/ the list$ +etails left out of your "escri#tion( by "efault( 'ill be "etermine" by the subconscious min"( 'hich if left to its o'n "evices 'ill
list 'hat your #arents or your community believe 'oul" be a /oo" relationshi#$ ,rite "o'n the list in "etail$ As % sai" before( the more com#lete the "etails( the easier it is for your min" an" the 8niverse to cons#ire in fulfillin/ your 'ishes an" "esires$ %nstea" of “% 'ant a /reat relationshi#() "escribe in multisensory "etail 'hat you 'ant in the #resent tense as if you alrea"y have it$ Ho' "oes it lookQ Ho' "oes it feelQ ,hat "oes it soun" likeQ Here is one e2am#le( albeit a very incom#lete one= “% love my carin/( o#en4min"e"( affectionate( smart life #artner( an" % feel com#letely su##orte" "urin/ our 9uiet evenin/s lau/hin/ an" sharin/ our life stories an" interests$) -y s#ellin/ out an" broa"castin/ e2actly 'hat you 'ant( you 'ill manifest conscious an" subconscious behaviors that 'ill attract the kin"s of relationshi#s you 'ant in your life$ D$ 7evie' your subconscious #ro/rammin/ ,hile 'e focus on "efinin/ the characteristics of the mate 'e are seekin/( 'e inevitably fail to assess 'hether our o'n behavior( es#ecially the invisible( subconscious kin"( 'oul" be com#atible 'ith the kin" of #artner "esire$ For#arents e2am#le(never maybe you /re'a u# in a family'e'here your e2#resse" lovin/ relationshi# an" 'ere shar# 'ith each other$
You&re "etermine" to fin" a mate 'ho 'ill e2#ress those lovin/ characteristics you "i"n&t observe but no' hun/er for$ Your conscious min" 'ill /enerate behavior to attract your "esire" mate( but the #re"ominant an" unobserve" subconscious behaviors you ac9uire" from your #arents may invisibly re#el any conten"er 'ho e2#resses these sou/ht4after( lovin/ traits$ ,e are mostly una'are of our o'n subconscious behaviors( an" on the occasions 'e "o notice them( it&s almost shockin/ an" embarrassin/$ As a result of not seein/ our o'n behavior( 'e ten" to blame others for our faile" relationshi#s= Ho' coul" someone as /oo" as % am be the source of the #roblemQ True( in our conscious min"s 'e are the lovin/ #eo#le 'e think 'e are( but most of the time our lives are invisibly sha#e" by subconscious #ro/rams that may not be so lovable$ 1o 'e nee" to ans'er the 9uestion “+oes my subconscious #ro/rammin/ su##ort my heart&s "esireQ) %f 'e are /enerally unobservant of these behaviors( ho' "o 'e kno' 'hat our #ro/rams areQ 1ince most of the #ro/rammin/ occurre" before 'e 'ere seven( an" es#ecially since much of our #ersonality 'as "efine" before 'e 'ere born( our conscious min"s may have no clue 'hat 'as
"o'nloa"e" into our subconscious min"s$ 1o ho' can 'e assess the character of our subconscious #ro/rammin/Q That is easy once you un"erstan" the inter#lay bet'een the subconscious an" conscious min"s$ 1ince J #ercent of our behavior is controlle" by our subconscious auto#ilots( not our conscious min"s( by "efinition our lives are #hysical #rintouts of the behaviors #ro/ramme" in our subconscious min"s$ %f( for e2am#le( you&ve stru//le" 'ith money all your life( think back( as a number of financial /urus no' counsel( to the #ro/rammin/ you receive" about money 'hen you 'ere youn/ an" ho' that #ro/rammin/ is still im#actin/ your life$ %n her book The J 1te#s to Financial Free"om( 1uBe Orman 'rites( “Messa/es about money are #asse" "o'n from /eneration to /eneration( 'orn an" chi##e" like the family "ishes$)L Orman( for e2am#le( learne" very youn/ that the reason her #arents “seeme" so unha##y) 'as not that they "i"n&t love each other but that there 'as never enou/h money to #ay the bills$ “%n our house money meant tension( 'orry( an" sorro'$)J You can( as no' 'ealthy Orman "i"( un"o even the most ne/ative #ro/rammin/$ An" you "on&t have to chan/e your 'hole life0 3ust focus on the areas 'here
you nee" hel#$ Maybe money savvy comes naturally to you( but you stru//le in relationshi#s$ No nee" to 'ork on your subconscious #ro/rammin/ re/ar"in/ money$ The thin/s you like( the thin/s that come easily to you( are alrea"y su##orte" by #ositive subconscious #ro/rammin/*that&s 'hy you e2#erience them$ Ho'ever( anythin/ you have to 'ork har" on( anythin/ you&ve trie" over an" over to chan/e 'ith no success( anythin/ you stru//le to ac9uire*those are the areas that most likely re#resent limitin/ an" self4 sabota/in/ subconscious beliefs that nee" to be re#ro/ramme"$ Not only "o you not nee" to chan/e everythin/( but it&s not necessary to /o to a #sycholo/ist to un"erstan" everythin/$ You "on&t have to ri# yourself a#art emotionally$ You "on&t have to focus on the #eo#le 'ho are to “blame) for your #ro/rammin/$ %t&s not necessary to kill the messen/er$ %t&s the messa/e that nee"s to be re'ritten because it&s the messa/e that has /iven rise to your behavior$ 1o "on&t 'aste time /oin/ back an" "'ellin/ on the messen/er( because that effort /enerally stimulates those ol" feelin/s that 'ere so #ainful an" brin/s them back to life a/ain$ All you have to "o is focus on re'ritin/ those subconscious behavioral #ro/rams that interfere 'ith realiBin/ your "esires$
A note= -efore you seek a lovin/ relationshi#( make sure that this fun"amental belief*“% love myself)*is lo"/e" firmly in your subconscious min"$ A lack of self4love( as % e2#laine" earlier( is a #rimary an" hu/e obstacle for most #eo#le 'ho 'ant to create the Honeymoon Effect in their lives$ G$ 1tart re#ro/rammin/ There are a number of techni9ues you can use to re#ro/ram your subconscious min"$ %&ll tell you three cate/ories of thin/s %&ve "one to un"o my o'n ne/ative #ro/rammin/ :an" there 'as #lenty to un"o< but "o check the resources section in this book&s a##en"i2 an" at my 'ebsite( '''$bruceli#ton$com( so you can fi/ure out 'hich tools may 'ork for you$ There #rescri#tion$ My /oal isrole to #resentis no the one4siBe4fits4all information about the "estructive subconscious #ro/rammin/ can #lay in your life an"( % ho#e( to ins#ire you to fin" the best 'ay for you to un"o the #ro/rammin/$ -efore 'e attem#t to re'rite our behavioral #ro/rammin/( it is vitally im#ortant to un"erstan" the "ifferin/ 'ays our conscious an" subconscious min"s learn$ You mi/ht think that 'hen the conscious min" learns somethin/ ne'( the tosubconscious #ro/ram 'ill automatically a"!ust itself be in ali/nment 'ith the ne' kno'le"/e$ ,ron/0 The t'o min"s essentially
behave as se#arate entities an" "o not “learn) in the same 'ay$ The creative( conscious min"( the “thinkin/) min"( can instantly learn from a variety of in#uts$ 1omethin/ as sim#le as an “Aha) moment can #ro"uce a ra"ical chan/e in belief an" in your life$ 1imilarly( the conscious min" can ac9uire ne' beliefs from school an" #ublic lectures( rea"in/ self4hel# books( 'atchin/ vi"eos( or /oin/ throu/h the e2cruciatin/ #sychoanalysis of your formative e2#eriences$ -ut sometimes seekers /et stuck( as % "i"( by focusin/ on intellectual learnin/ only$ E"ucatin/ the conscious min" "oes not automatically re#ro/ram the subconscious min"$ %n my case( it 'as 'hen % use" the a'areness % ha" ac9uire" intellectually to re'rite subconscious #ro/rams that % ma"e substantial #ro/ress in chan/in/ my life$ ,hile the conscious min" is creative an" can use that creativity to learn( the subconscious min" #rimarily learns throu/h either hy#nosis or the creation of habits$ -efore you 'ere seven years ol"( your subconscious min" ra#i"ly "o'nloa"e" beliefs because your brain 'as #re"ominantly o#eratin/ in the hy#na/o/ic theta EE6 fre9uency$ After a/e seven( the subconscious min"&s #rimary source of learnin/ is throu/h habituation$ Ho' "i" you learn your
multi#lication tablesQ -y re#eatin/ the se9uence of numbers over an" over( you eventually memoriBe" the #attern an" coul" re#eat it unconsciously$ 7e#etition lea"s to habituation( an" that is the fun"amental mechanism for #ro/rammin/ subconscious behavior #atterns$ ,hen( for e2am#le( you 'ere first learnin/ to "rive( your conscious min" 'as fully en/a/e" 'ith every "etail( such as remainin/ a'are of 'hat you sa' throu/h the 'in"shiel"( focusin/ on the "ashboar" /au/es( kee#in/ your eyes on the ima/es in the three mirrors( an" #ayin/ attention to your feet on the #e"als$ -ut to"ay you /et in the car( #ut the key into the i/nition( an" a'ay you /o( 'ith your conscious min" focusin/ on your "estination or the #arty you 'ent to last ni/ht( or en/a/in/ in a "ee# conversation 'ith a #assen/er$ Most of the time you are not even #ayin/ conscious attention to 'hat&s ha##enin/ on the roa"$ ,ho&s "rivin/ the carQ The subconscious min"( usin/ the habits it ac9uire" throu/h the re#etitive #erio"s of #ractice 'hen you 'ere learnin/ ho' to "rive$ +on&t be afrai" of the thou/ht that you are not consciously "rivin/ the car because( as % mentione" earlier in the cha#ter( the subconscious min" is a million times more #o'erful an" has a si/nificantly faster #rocessor than the conscious min"$ %n fact( if
your car starts to ski" off to'ar" an acci"ent( stress hormones 'ill shut "o'n your conscious #rocessin/ to ensure that the faster an" more #o'erful subconscious controls the situation$ Hy#nosis an" habituation are the #rimary means of #ro/rammin/ behavior into the subconscious min"$ That is 'hy conscious min" efforts( such as /ivin/ yourself a “/oo" talkin/ to() rea"in/ a self4hel# book( or #ostin/ sticky notes have little influence on chan/in/ un"esire" subconscious #ro/rams unless they are re/ularly re#eate" so as to create a ne' habit$ a$ Min"fulness5Habit= The first thin/ % "i" 'hen % became a'are that % nee"e" to re'rite my #ro/rammin/ 'as to create the habit of min"fulness* % starte" by #ayin/ attention to my thou/hts0 The /oal of min"fulness is to make your every action an" "ecision come from your 'ishes an" "esiresI i$e$( your conscious min"( not your auto#ilot( subconscious min"$ ,hat % learne" 'hen % starte" #ayin/ attention 'as not only ho' often % sli##e" into automatic #ilot 'hile my conscious min" "rifte" off in thou/ht( but ho' often those have auto#ilot thou/htsthat'ere not hel#ful$ 7esearchers corroborate" #ercent of our thou/hts are ne/ative an"5or re"un"ant$
One 'ay to start this #ractice is to observe your thou/hts 'hen you&re "oin/ a mun"ane chore such as "rivin/$ ,hen you&re sto##e" at a sto#li/ht( you&ll 9uickly learn that sto##e" traffic is not "ea" time* thou/hts are continuously runnin/ throu/h your hea"$ ,hen % starte" observin/ these runa'ay thou/hts( % realiBe" that they 'ere not "escribin/ a reality % 'ante" to live in( yet they 'ere 'hat % 'as manifestin/$ :1am#le= %&ll never /et there on time$ % "on&t 'ant to "o this$ This traffic is a ni/htmare$< As %&ve e2#laine"( #ositive thou/hts aren&t enou/h( but they&re a /oo" start$ 1o 'ith intention( % be/an to imme"iately re'rite ne/ative thou/hts as they #o##e" into my min"( /ivin/ them a #ositive s#in 'hile simultaneously makin/ an effort to consciously stay in the moment$ 7e#eate"ly re'ritin/ a fre9uent an" #articular thou/ht 'ill /enerate a habit that 'ill automatically “correct) the ne/ative thou/ht before it even comes into consciousness$ Min"fulness is very "ifficult to maintain 'hen life /ets busy because our thou/hts are continuously flittin/ about an" mana/in/ the innumerable "etails of every"ay life$ This interferin/ busyness is 'hy -u""hist min"fulness is a lifelon/ #ractice$ %n D researchers at Harvar" 8niversity foun" that #eo#le s#en" almost half their 'akin/ hours
thinkin/ about somethin/ other than 'hat they&re "oin/ an" that this min"4'an"erin/ makes them unha##y :even 'hen their min"s 'an"er to #leasant sub!ects<$ The authors 'rote( “%n conclusion( a human min" is a 'an"erin/ min"( an" a 'an"erin/ min" is an unha##y min"$ The ability to think about 'hat is not ha##enin/ is a co/nitive achievement that comes at an emotional cost$) Min"4'an"erin/ unha##iness( of course( is e2acerbate" by the fact that 'hile our min"s are 'an"erin/( our invisible subconscious #ro/rams are often sabota/in/ our life&s "esires$ For this book( the most si/nificant fin"in/ of the Harvar" stu"y is that min"fulness is a lot easier 'hen you&re makin/ love$ The stu"y foun" that min"4 'an"erin/ occurre" on avera/e only #ercentD of the time 'hen the sub!ects 'ere havin/ se2$ This e2#lains 'hy honeymooners have an easier time o#eratin/ consciously$ ,hen 'e stay min"ful*not !ust 'hen 'e&re havin/ se2*the 'ishes an" "esires of our conscious min"s 'ill manifest in our lives( 'hich is ho' 'e can make sure the Honeymoon Effect lasts0 b< Hy#nosis51ubliminal Ta#es= ,hen 'e a'aken from "ee#slo'( slee#( the brain&s"elta fre9uency from the unconscious 'avesvibrations to hi/her !um# fre9uency theta$ This is the brain state associate" 'ith
ima/ination( as %&ve "escribe"$ %t is also associate" 'ith a state of t'ili/ht reverie in 'hich one seamlessly blen"s the real an" "ream 'orl"s to/ether$ A theta4 "riven e2#erience blen"s ima/ination an" reality( a behavioral characteristic best seen in chil"ren youn/er than seven years of a/e$ As an a"ult( you may have e2#erience" a theta moment 'hen a clock ra"io 'oke you$ %n your /ro//y state you mi2e" a real story on the ra"io 'ith a "ream you 'ere 'akin/ u# from$ This is an e2am#le of ho' you can blen" ima/ination 'ith reality$ As you become more a'ake( brain EE6 activity ram#s u# to hi/her4fre9uency al#ha 'aves( 'hose character of calm consciousness fills your hea"$ -y the time you /et to 'ork( your brain is in 'ork mo"e o#eratin/ 'ith hi/h4s#ee"( hi/h4functionin/ beta 'aves$ Ho#efully( 'hen you return home from the !ob( the fre9uency of your EE6 'aves "ro#s off se9uentially as the brain slo's "o'n from beta to calmin/ al#ha an" then "rifts off into theta an" finally into "elta( fast aslee#$ This ram#in/ u# an" "o'n of EE6 fre9uencies means that t'ice a "ay your brain #asses throu/h the #ro/rammable hy#na/o/ic theta #hase$ 1o every "ay you have t'o o##ortunities to re#ro/ram subconscious beliefs throu/h a natural state of
hy#nosis$ Of course( as a number of stu"ies have foun"( me"itators can increase the fre9uency of theta 'aves$ For e2am#le( a DJ stu"y of e2#erience" #ractitioners of Acem Me"itation( a non"irective metho" "evelo#e" in Nor'ay( 'ere aske" to rest for D minutes an" to me"itate for another D minutes$ +urin/ me"itation( “si/nificantly increase" theta #o'er) 'as foun"( es#ecially in the frontal an" mi""le #arts of the brain$G Once % became a'are that chil"ren "o'nloa" vast amounts of information in their hy#na/o/ic state( % "eci"e" to try this myself by usin/ subliminal ta#es "esi/ne" to #ro/ram #ositive thou/hts an" beliefs into my subconscious min"$ % #icke" u# a .ouise Hay :the 6ran" +ame of self4em#o'erment( an" coinci"entally( the #ublisher of this book< ta#e to re"uce stress an" enhance #atience$ The ta#e o#ene" 'ith a rela2ation e2ercise "esi/ne" to calm "o'n the conscious min" an" move the listener into the rela2e"( #ro/rammable state attribute" to the lo'4fre9uency al#ha an" theta brain 'aves$ The first time % #ut on hea"#hones an" activate" the subliminal ta#e as % 'as /oin/ to slee#( my conscious min" staye" alert the 'hole time an" hear" the ta#e&s #ro/rammin/ messa/e re#eate" a number of times$ -y the thir" time % use" the ta#e( % never even ma"e it
throu/h the rela2ation e2ercises before % fell aslee#$ %t /ot to the #oint that as soon as % #ut on the ear#hones( % instantly rela2e"$ The neat thin/ is that the ta#e 'as continuously "o'nloa"in/ #ositive thou/hts 'hile % 'as "riftin/ into the lo'4fre9uency brain 'aves of a chil"$ %t 'as effortless$ % !ust ha" to #ut on the ear#hones an" % 'oul" fall aslee#$ The chan/es % e2#erience" 'ere subtle*they "i"n&t stan" out like a neon si/n$ -ut thin/s 'ere not e2actly the same as they ha" been$ They 'ere better$ %t 'as only after a #erio" of time( 'hen % looke" back an" revie'e" the events in my recent life( that % realiBe" ho' #rofoun"ly my behavior ha" chan/e"$ c< Ener/y Psycholo/y= The ne2t ste# % took for re#ro/rammin/ my subconscious 'as to utiliBe a ne' metho" of healin/ calle" ener/y #sycholo/y$ As you&ll see in the list of ener/y #sycholo/y resources in the a##en"i2 an" on my 'ebsite( there are many "ifferent versions of ener/y #sycholo/y$ %n s#ite of the 'i"e variations in #ractice amon/ the "ifferent mo"alities( one thin/ is clear$ Ener/y #sycholo/y can in"uce ra"ical chan/es in behavior 'ithin minutes an" in many cases( these chan/es #ro"uce #ermanent alterations in subconsciously #ro/ramme" behaviors$ % love these ne' technolo/ies because they com#letely un"ermine the #revailin/ :an" behavior4
controllin/< belief that chan/e is har" or "ifficult$ % clearly see that statement no' as !ust another "isem#o'erin/ belief that encoura/es resistance to chan/e$ %t&s also 'on"erful that these ne' #sycholo/y tools are available to us at a #oint in time 'hen evolution is #ushin/ humanity to make chan/es no'$ Necessity is the mother of invention$ ,e "on&t have years an" years to chan/e human behavior$ ,hile no mechanism has been i"entifie" to account for the ra#i"ity of behavioral chan/es that result from these #ractices( the fact is that the chan/es are real an" lon/ lastin/$ Personally( % am most familiar 'ith the P1YCH4; belief chan/e #rocess "evelo#e" by 7ob ,illiams$ % kno' P1YCH4;&s ener/y4balancin/ technolo/y is effective because it ra"ically chan/e" my life$ More im#ortant( over the last fe' years % have hear" from hun"re"s of #eo#le aroun" the 'orl" 'ho have use" P1YCH4; to successfully take char/e of their lives$ 8ntil recently( the feel4/oo" results of ener/y4 balancin/ technolo/ies 'ere sim#ly sub!ective e2#eriences of in"ivi"uals$ Ho'ever( ne' G4+ brain4 ma##in/ stu"ies em#loyin/ 9uantitative electroence#halo/ra#hy :EE6< an" lo' resolution electroma/netic tomo/ra#hy :.O7ETA< have #rovi"e" measurable( ob!ective "ata that reveal si/nificant an"
lastin/ chan/es in brain behavior follo'in/ a sin/le ten4minute P1YCH4; session$ -rain4ma##in/ stu"ies reveal that P1YCH4; in"uces a “'hole4brain state() 'herein both ri/ht an" left cerebral hemis#heres be/in to 'ork to/ether( a functional situation kno'n as hemis#heric synchroniBation$ %n our normal 'akeful con"ition( 'e ten" to o#erate #re"ominantly from our left hemis#here( the si"e of the brain #reoccu#ie" 'ith lo/ic$ %n contrast( the ri/ht hemis#here is associate" 'ith #rocessin/ emotions$ ,hen the left hemis#here is "ominant( 'e ten" to overrule our emotional "rives 'ith lo/ic an" reason$ Accor"in/ to neuroscientist 3effrey .$ Fannin( Ph$+$( 'hole4brain activity #ositively affects more than !ust #hysical an" #sycholo/ical healin/$ +r$ Fannin&s brain4ma##in/ research in"icates that 'hole4brain function is a “/ate'ay to hi/her consciousness() tantamount to a state of su#erlearnin/ associate" 'ith hi/her functionality an" s#iritual consciousness$ Please un"erstan" that the P1YCH4; #rocess "oes not 'ork for everybo"y$ %n truth( there is no one tool that fits all #eo#le$ %f one of the #rocesses liste" in the a##en"i2 "oesn&t 'ork( "on&t /ive u#I try another one0 $ Communication
To create the Honeymoon Effect( it is im#erative that cou#les learn to communicate on a "ee# level( an" that kin" of communication can&t ha##en if both #eo#le "on&t have the same level of a'areness$ ,hen both #artners are a'are of the subconscious roa"blocks they face( they can focus on turnin/ 'hat 'oul" normally be ar/uments into "iscussions$ “% "on&t think you hear" 'hat you !ust sai"$ +i" you mean thatQ %s that a ta#e you&re #layin/Q %s that a behavior you "o'nloa"e" from your fatherQ) All of these "iscussion #oints offer an o##ortunity for both #artners to become a'are of their unconscious behaviors 'hile /ainin/ an un"erstan"in/ of ho' their subconscious behavioral #ro/rams can un"ermine a relationshi#$ %f only one #erson in the cou#le is a'are of this behavioral #ro/rammin/( tryin/ to en/a/e in chan/e 'oul" be like talkin/ to a brick 'all$ %f one #erson is not intereste" in or rea"y for chan/e( then chan/e sim#ly 'ill not occur$ Chan/e re9uires a team effort0 $ Patience %f you come to a trouble #oint in your relationshi# one 'eek an" that same trouble #oint #o#s u# a/ain the 'eektoafter( "on&t be sur#rise"$ 7emember( you are tryin/ chan/e lifelon/ #atternsI chan/e in relationshi#s may not occur overni/ht$ To break
recurrin/ "ysfunctional #atterns( you nee" to have #atience 'ith yourself( 'ith each other( an" 'ith the stubborn habits that continue to rear their u/ly hea"s$ %f you can "eal 'ith the issues in terms of a "iscussion instea" of an ar/ument( you are alrea"y on the #ath to a ne' life$ For e2am#le( here&s a #rototy#ical issue$ The boy /ets into a "is#ute 'ith the /irl an" "oesn&t 'ant to talk about it$ The /irl( on the other han"( 'ants to "issect it$ That coul" be a reci#e for "isaster as she kee#s talkin/ an" he kee#s "i//in/ a "ee#er hole in his silence$ %n my case( 'hen % finally came out of that hole( % o'ne" that my noncommunication “habit) 'as "elayin/ resolution of our issues an" realiBe" that Mar/aret 'as earnestly tryin/ to re#air the #otholes that 'ere sho'in/ u# in our lives$ .ater( 'hen % foun" myself in a calm( cool #lace( % tol" Mar/aret that 'hile % 'as in the mi"st of that habitual "isconnect #rocess( % 'as still listenin/( even thou/h % coul"n&t yet en/a/e$ % aske" her to be #atient 'ith me$ % tol" her % 'ante" her to kee# talkin/ 'hile % internally trie" to esca#e from my "estructive habitual behavior$ After that moment of "ee# insi/ht an" a'areness( each subse9uent time % res#on"e" by "isconnectin/( my conscious min" more effectively took control an" terminate" that "ysfunctional
behavior$ Over a short time( re#etition re'rote that limitin/ behavior( an" 'e no' easily resolve issues 'ithout invokin/ unconscious( knee4!erk res#onses$ No more confrontations boy( is life easier$ Yea0 $ Practice Ho' many times "i" you #ractice your multi#lication tables until they stuckQ Ho' many times "i" you #ractice "rivin/ before you became a"e#tQ 1imilarly( subconscious habits "on&t /o a'ay !ust because you say( “6o a'ay$) You have to #ractice your ne' habits until they become automatic$ A habit is not !ust 'or"s emblaBone" on a refri/erator Post4it note$ A habit is behavior you #ractice until it sticks0 Eventually( the tools % "escribe" 'ill brin/ about the chan/es seek$Mar/aret( %&m a scientist( an" tau/ht my relationshi# 'ith my you #artner( 'ho has me so much( is an on/oin/ e2#eriment in livin/ Ha##ily Ever After for both of us$ % can tell you for sure that % 'oul"n&t be 'ritin/ this book if the e2#eriment 'asn&t 'orkin/0 ,hen you remove the im#e"iment of your subconscious #ro/rammin/( you are free to live a life that is a creative romance( a "ream come true$ Once you as#irations #ro/ram your min"&s 'ishes( "esires( an" intoconscious your subconscious min"( you 'ill create a #er#etual honeymoon$ Even 'hen you shift
into automatic #ilot( as 'e all "o( formerly u/ly behaviors 'ill sim#ly not rear their hea"s because your subconscious #ro/rams 'ill no' match the "esires an" 'ishes in your conscious min"$ ,hen all four of your min"s are ali/ne"( you an" your #artner 'ill become the same lovable #eo#le you 'ere in the first "ays of your relationshi#$ The above illustration of the seven main chakras( ener/y #oints that run u# an" "o'n the bo"y( visually illustrates the romantic conse9uence of unitin/ your #hysiolo/y an" behavior$ %n this chart( the three lo'er chakras :the solar #le2us( sacral( an" root< re#resent the influence of our #hysical biolo/y( s#ecifically our #hysiolo/y( in sha#in/ our lives$ The to# three chakras :the cro'n( thir" eye( an" throat< re#resent the influences "erive" from our consciousness( our #sycholo/y$ The mi""le chakra is the heart chakra( 'hich re#resents uncon"itional love for self an" others$ ,hen all seven of the chakras in this illustration are ali/ne"( there are no ener/y blocksI ener/y flo's freely throu/h every chakra$ The heart chakra in the mi""leyou is #ur#osefully lar/er thanan" theyour others because 'hen ali/n your #hysiolo/y #sycholo/y( 'hen you love yourself so others can love you an" you
can love others( your heart 'ill e2#an" an" o#en to your #artner an" to the 'orl"$ -y manifestin/ the life you choose( not the life you 'ere #ro/ramme" by your family to lea"( you can have it all$ ,elcome to the Honeymoon Effect0
CHAPTE7 Noble 6ases= 1#rea"in/ Peace( .ove( an" Tulsi Tea -e the chan/e that you 'ish to see in the 'orl"$ *MAHATMA 6AN+H% % ho#e %&ve convince" you in the #revious cha#ters that you can create the relationshi#s of your "reams$ %n this cha#ter %&" like to convince you that the Honeymoon Effect is about more than t'o #eo#le creatin/ a 'on"erful relationshi#*it&s about “noble /ases) s#rea"in/ the healin/ /lo' of love aroun" this ailin/ #lanet$ Noble 6ases To e2#lain that s'ee#in/ statement( % nee" to /o back to chemistry$ Not to the chemical ste' of love #otions that course throu/h your bo"y 'hen you&re ma"ly in love G < but to the the #erio"ic table: Cha#ter that either ve2e" or elements entrance"in you 'hen you stu"ie" chemistry in hi/h school$ You 'on&t
be sur#rise" to learn that % 'as entrance" :En/lish class 'as another matter< an" still am by the insi/ht into the nature of the 8niverse that the or"ere" #attern of the L elements in the #erio"ic table reveale"$ The #erio"ic table is a master#iece of or/aniBe" chemical information that "efines the traits an" characteristics of the #hysical universe$ % am es#ecially intri/ue" by the uni9ue characteristics of the si2 noble /ases( the elements com#risin/ the last column on the ri/ht of the table( a sub"ivision i"entifie" as “6rou# L$) Noble /as elements inclu"e helium :He
com#arin/ the structures of the noble /as atoms 'ith the other elements in the #erio"ic table$ %n the structure of an atom( the #rotons have #ositive char/es an" the electrons have an e9ual( but o##osite( ne/ative char/e$ The number of #ositive #rotons in an atom is e9ual to the number of its ne/ative electronsI hence( every atom is electroma/netically neutral 'ith no net char/e$ The ma/ic of the chemistry that creates the 8niverse is not base" on the number of char/e" #articles in an atom but on their "istribution$ ,hile #rotons are masse" to/ether in the atom&s nucleus( electrons orbit aroun" the nucleus like satellites$ %n the sim#lest "escri#tion( orbitin/ electrons are "istribute" in concentric layers :shells< aroun" the central nucleus$ Each shell can only contain a s#ecific number of electrons :shell ] D electrons( shell D ] L electrons( shell G ] L electrons( shell ] GD electrons( an" shell ] electrons<$ ,ith the e2ce#tion of the first shell( the shells are ma"e u# of several subshells$ ,hen a #articular shell or subshell is fille" 'ith its ma2imum number of electrons( a""itional electrons are then "istribute" to the ne2t outer concentric shell$ %f that layer becomes fille"( the e2tra electrons are a""e" to the ne2t outer shell( an" so on$
No' here&s the catch= atoms s#in like nanosiBe torna"os$ ,hen a shell is not com#letely fille" 'ith its ma2imum number of electrons( it causes the atom to 'obble as it s#ins$ Consi"er this sim#le analo/y= the "rum of a 'ashin/ machine s#ins like an atom$ ,hat ha##ens if you #lace a bunche"4u# blanket on one si"e of the "rum an" start u# the machineQ As the machine s#ins( the 'asher be/ins to 'obble an" bounce aroun"( creatin/ 9uite a ruckus$ An unfille" electron shell in a s#innin/ atom results in similar 'obbly behavior at the nano level$ %n our laun"ry analo/y( to sto# the racket you o#en the li" of the 'ashin/ machine an" re"istribute the blanket evenly aroun" the "rum$ No' 'hen you restart the machine( it s#ins in #erfect( #eaceful balance$ The D "ifferent elements 'hose electron shells are incom#lete seek to balance their 'obble by bon"in/ 'ith other atoms that have a com#lementary 'obble$ ,hen bon"e" to/ether( the t'o imbalance" atoms s#in in harmony$ The number of shells occu#ie" by electrons an" the status of the outer shell&s fulfillment "efine an atom&s chemical activity$ Noble /ases are uni9ue elements because they are the only ones that naturally #ossess fille" outer shells$ -ecause they alrea"y s#in in #erfect balance( noble /ases "o not normally seek
#artnershi# 'ith other elements an" are therefore chemically inactive$ %n contrast( the chemical bon"in/ amon/ the other D elements re#resents the effort of 'obbly atoms to /enerate s#in4balance$ Thus chemical bon"in/ is a co"e#en"ent relationshi#I in such #airin/s( each atom "e#en"s u#on*“nee"s)*another atom to ac9uire #eace an" harmony$ The key 'or" in "escribin/ these relationshi#s is nee"$ .et&s consi"er the character of a so"ium an" chlorine atom( elements that are a #erfect match for each other$ Chlorine :Cl< has a total of K electrons that occu#y three shells= t'o electrons in its first shell :ma2imum ca#acity<( ei/ht in its secon" shell :ma2imum ca#acity<( an" seven in its outermost shell$ To ac9uire s#in4balance( chlorine 'oul" nee" one more electron to fill a s#ace in its outer shell :see Arro' - in the follo'in/ illustration<$ A sim#lifie" illustration of a so"ium( a chlorine( an" an ar/on atom$ The atom&s central nucleus is a cluster of #ositively char/e" #rotons an" unchar/e" neutrons$ 1urroun"in/ the nucleus are electrons "istribute" in rin/s that re#resent the atom&s shells$ Ar/on atoms s#in in balance because their outer shells are fille" 'ith the full com#lement of
electrons$ %n contrast( so"ium an" chlorine atoms s#in 'ith a 'obble because their outer electron shells are incom#lete$ %n contrast( so"ium :Na< has total electrons in its three shells= t'o in its first shell :ma2imum ca#acity<( ei/ht in its secon" shell :ma2imum ca#acity<( an" only one electron in its outer shell$ To ac9uire s#in4 balance( so"ium&s outer shell 'oul" either nee" to a"" seven more electrons or lose its solitary electron :Arro' A in illustration on the #revious #a/e<$ Neither so"ium&s nor chlorine&s outer electron shell is com#lete$ 1e#arately their s#in behavior resembles the 'obble #ro"uce" by the imbalance" blanket in a 'ashin/ machine$ -ut 'hen so"ium an" chlorine atoms /et to/ether( they “make They fulfill this 8niverse&s ten"ency to fin" chemistry$) balance by combinin/ *they lose their 'obble an" stabiliBe$ -y creatin/ 'hat is referre" to as an ionic bon"( so"ium loans its sin/le outer shell electron to its chlorine #artner( 'hich uses the e2tra electron to com#lete its outer shell :see the arro' in the fi/ure belo'<$ @oil\0 Throu/h their #airin/( each atom no' has a com#lete outer shell( an" to/ether they s#in in #erfect balance$ This isnee"s$ a relationshi# base" u#on fulfillin/ each other&s
As % e2#laine" in the last cha#ter( because of conventional familial an" cultural #arentin/ #ractices that are less than o#timal( almost all of us are( to a certain "e/ree( #sycholo/ically “unbalance"$) As imbalance" in"ivi"uals( 'e have a ten"ency to "o the same thin/ that atoms "o*'e seek a com#lementary #artner 'ho is out of balance as 'ell$ ,hen t'o #artners com#lement each other&s imbalances( to/ether they can s#in “harmoniously) 'ith no 'obbles$ ,hile our conscious min"s seek #artnershi# 'ith in"ivi"uals 'ho fulfill our 'ishes an" "esires( our subconscious min"s are unconsciously seekin/ in"ivi"uals 'ho #ossess traits that com#lement our #ersonal( but unobserve"( imbalances$ %n an e2am#le of an e2treme co"e#en"ent relationshi#( sa"ists 'ho love to inflict #ain seek #air bon"in/ 'ith masochists 'ho "erive #leasure from receivin/ #ain$ %n the unconscious #rocess of creatin/ co"e#en"ent relationshi#s( you 'on&t lose any electrons( but you may think you&re losin/ your min" livin/ 'ith the imbalance" #artner your subconscious min" attracte"( not the 'on"erful #artner your conscious min" envisione"$ -ut even 'hen your #osthoneymoon relationshi# "eteriorates an" the #artner of your ni/htmares starts to #ull a'ay( you may not 'ant to
let him or her /o0 You may fin" yourself screamin/( “+on&t leave me0) You kno' your #artner is abusive( but you "on&t 'ant to let him /o because he #rovi"es balance( albeit a "ysfunctional balance( in your life$ An" that is the "efinition of co"e#en"ency0 7emember the 'oman in the Caribbean % "rove craBy because % 'oul"n&t ar/ue 'ith herQ You can ima/ine the kin" of #ro/rammin/ she receive" as a chil" that le" her to link love 'ith abuse an" screamin/$ Peo#le 'ill seek 'hatever they reco/niBe as love( even a #erverse form of love( because( as % e2#laine" in Cha#ter ( there is a biolo/ical "rive for cou#lin/ an" a biolo/ical5#sycholo/ical "rive to /ravitate to'ar" 'hat you consi"er love$ To feel balance"( she nee"e" someone to fi/ht 'ith0 Even thou/h she com#laine" about her former #artner( she "i"n&t 'ant to chan/eI she unconsciously sou/ht more abuse$ An" one thin/ %&ve learne" in my life is that you can&t chan/e another #erson= unless someone asks for your hel#( your efforts are likely "oome"$ Of course( as %&ve ma"e clear in this book( % 'as no #ara/on of balance either$ 7emember the 'oman in the Caribbean 'ho correctly tol" me % 'as too nee"yQ % 'as "es#erate to fulfill my biolo/ical im#erative to cou#le an" fin" balance( but % 'as lookin/ for love in all the 'ron/ #laces$ Actually( like the 'oman 'ho
e9uate" love 'ith screamin/( % 'as lookin/ for love in e2actly the “ri/ht) #laces /iven ho' cluttere" my subconscious min" 'as 'ith ne/ative #ro/rammin/$ % 'as unconsciously lookin/ for a co"e#en"ent relationshi# to balance my life$ Noble 6ases= .asers an" .ove No' let&s look at the chemical e9uivalent of the better 'ay % "escribe" in the last cha#ter$ Once you&ve ali/ne" your conscious an" subconscious min"s( you are no lon/er a so"ium atom "es#erately lookin/ for a chlorine atomI you become a noble /as s#innin/ in #erfect balance*you "on&t “nee") another element to be balance"$ You mi/ht think that makes noble /ases stran/e elements to use as ins#irational mo"els for this last cha#ter of The Honeymoon Effect( an" % /rant you that at first /lance( noble /ases soun" more like Ayn 7an" than 7umi0 Poor ar/on( #oor neon( etc$*they&re never /oin/ to e2#erience true love because they s#in so 'ell on their o'n that they&ll never nee" a #artner0 %t is true that 'hen #eo#le s#innin/ in balance like a noble /as have the o##ortunity to !um# into another "ysfunctional "o not it$ ,obbly atoms aroun" relationshi#( them can actthey as craBy asseiBe they 'ant( but noble /ases are not "ra'n inI instea"( they kee#
s#innin/ ha##ily on their o'n$ As % tell my au"iences( “Noble /ases can love the !erk( but they are not attache" to the !erk0) %t is also true that noble /ases can live #erfectly ha##ily on their o'n$ ,hen % re'rote my ne/ative subconscious #ro/rammin/ :vesti/es still #o# u# from time to time<( % came to #eace 'ithin myself*% 'as finally able to #ass the “% am lovable) test( an"( for the first time( % "i"n&t crave a #artner to make me feel 'hole$ %n fact( for a lon/ 'hile % "i"n&t have a #artner an" 'asn&t missin/ oneI % 'as livin/ a life of #assion( s#rea"in/ the 'or" of the ne' science that /enes "o not "etermine our lives or our relationshi#s$ % ha" become #assionate about connectin/ 'ith like4min"e" ne' frien"s*% 'as flyin/ solo yet e2#eriencin/ the Honeymoon Effect in my life$ -ut( you #ersist( ho' can noble /ases fare in relationshi#s /iven their #ro#ensity to s#in so 'ell on their o'nQ The ans'er is( “1#ectacularly0) To un"erstan" that sur#risin/ ans'er( 'e must consi"er another characteristic of noble /ases( their ability to form e2cimers$ An e2cimer( short for “e2cite" "imer() is a s#ecial bon"in/ association bet'een t'o atoms that 'oul" not be boun" to/ether in their normal state$ ,hen a noble /as atom is hit by a #hoton of li/ht( its “normal) state is #rofoun"ly
altere"$ The atom absorbs the #hoton&s ener/y an" be/ins to vibrate faster because of its hi/her level of ener/y$ 1im#ly( an “enli/htene") noble /as atom becomes “e2cite"$) A noble /as atom in an e2cite" state 'ill seek bon"in/( #artnershi# 'ith another noble /as atom so it can share that e2citement0 E2cite" noble /as atoms form e2cite" "imers :e2cimers< that are chemically re#resente" as= Ar D( ;rD( VeD( HeD( NeD( an" 7nD$ 8nlike conventional “chemistry() 'hich is base" on co"e#en"ent bon"in/ to #ro"uce s#in4balance an" stability( ener/iBe" noble /as atoms are like #eo#le #rime" an" rea"y for selfless love( a 'orl" of sharin/ an" carin/$ -y re'orkin/ my imbalance" subconscious #ro/rams( % believe % ha" become an “e2cite" boy) s#innin/ in balance 'hen Mar/aret eventually a##eare" in my life an" 'e create" our still en"urin/ Ha##ily Ever After e2cimer :see E#ilo/ue<$ %&m remin"e" of the "ocumentary movie After Ha##ily Ever After( a 'himsically entertainin/ look :com#lete 'ith a .as @e/as Elvis im#ersonator< at marria/e in the 8nite" 1tates( 'here J #ercent of us marry but only #ercent of our marria/es last$ %n that movie( 1te#hanie CoontB( author of Marria/e( a History= Ho' .ove Con9uere" Marria/e( says( “This is the first time ever in thousan"s of years 'hen
marria/e has been not only about love but also about mutual res#ect an" e9ual o#tions of men an" 'omen ,hen a marria/e 'orks( it&s fairer( more fulfillin/( more #rotective of its members :both a"ults an" chil"ren< than ever before in history$) That soun"s like a "efinition of marria/e bet'een noble /ases to me0 The e2cite" relationshi# of an e2cimer results in its emittin/ e2tra ener/y as another #hoton of li/ht$ E2cimer cou#les /lo'0 8n"er normal circumstances( the life s#an of a /lo'in/( solitary e2cimer is rather short$ Ho'ever( if there are other noble /as atoms in the vicinity( they can absorb that emitte" #hoton an" become e2cite" themselves( 'hich means e2cimers can lea" to the creation of more e2cimers$ This e2citable characteristic of noble /ases le" to the "evelo#ment of the laser( 'hich is an acronym for .i/ht Am#lification by 1timulate" Emission of 7a"iation$ A laser is a tube fille" 'ith noble /as atoms that are then e2cite" by ener/y$ The ener/y stimulates the formation of e2cite" noble /as "imers :#artnershi#s<$ The activate" e2cimers then ra"iate an" emit their o'n #hotons( 'hich in turn activate other noble /as atoms in the community to form e2cite" "imers$ As the #o#ulation of activate" e2cimers increases( their emitte" #hotons ultimately create a chain reaction that
results in “li/ht am#lification) throu/h the #ro"uction of more an" more ra"iatin/ e2cimers$ Only a "im /lo' of li/ht is #ro"uce" at first$ Ho'ever( as the stimulate" emission of e2cimer ra"iation increases( the li/ht /ets bri/hter an" bri/hter$ Creatin/ coherence amon/ the emitte" #hotons by ali/nin/ their li/ht 'aves so that they are all in #hase results in the #ro"uction of a laser beam( a stream of li/ht so #o'erful it can burn a hole throu/h a steel 'all$ % once #ro"uce" a laser li/ht sho'( an" % can tell you from #ersonal e2#erience that the kalei"osco#ic colors( intensity( an" #urity of laser li/ht have a #o'erful( mesmeriBin/ im#act on au"iences$ “Enli/htene") noble /asUlike humans can make a similarly #o'erful im#act on our #lanet( because they un"erstan" the truth of entre#reneur( humanitarian( an" #hilanthro#ist -harat Mitra&s 'or"s= “Alive in each #erson&s heart is the "esire to #artici#ate in somethin/ bi//er than themselves$) They /ravitate to other noble /ases as -harat Mitra :Yoav .ev< an" his 'ife -havani :Holly -$< .ev :foun"ers of O76AN%C %N+%A< "i" 'hen they create" a community that is hel#in/ to heal our #lanet :more on this later<$ %t "oesn&t take a rocket scientist( a climate scientist( an anti'ar activist( or a cell biolo/ist to fi/ure out that this #lanet nee"s healin/$ There&s a name for
'hat humanity is e2#eriencin/ ri/ht no'$ ,hen the cells in our bo"ies fi/ht one another( 'e call that autoimmune "isease$ ,hat humanity( the su#eror/anism com#risin/ seven billion #eo#le on this #lanet( is e2#eriencin/ no' is a very ba" case of autoimmune "isease$ ,ith the e2ce#tion of human bein/s( all or/anisms that make u# the bios#here are in coo#eration 'ith one another$ ,e( on the other han"( are creatin/ our o'n e2tinction because of our "isconnection from nature$ Pro!ections that there 'ill be no fish left in the ocean in G years soun" like a science fiction ni/htmare( but they are a scientific reality an" one 'arnin/ amon/ many that 'e have to chan/e the 'ay 'e live$ ,hether it&s "isease or social crises( all of the troubles humanity is facin/ stem from our inability to un"erstan" that 'hen 'e "estroy the environment 'e are "estroyin/ ourselves$ 3ust as 3ames .ovelock&s 6aia theory #osits( our #lanet is an inte/rate" an" com#le2 su#eror/anismI 'e are an inte/ral #art of this environment( an" 'hen 'e "estroy the environment 'e are "estroyin/ ourselves$ %f Mother Nature 'ere to #ut human civiliBation on trial for #er#etratin/ this #lanet4"estroyin/( "an/erous autoimmune "isease( a "efense team em#hasiBin/ the +ar'inian belief in the survival of
the fittest 'oul" likely #oint to stellar human bein/s like Einstein an" -eethoven to ar/ue that humans "o not "eserve to be con"emne"$ This ar/ument 'oul"n&t /et very far( for evolution isn&t about the fittest in"ivi"uals in a s#eciesI it&s about the im#act of the s#ecies as a 'hole$ %n this case( the collective actions of the seven billion #eo#le on this #lanet have create" a track recor" that is abysmal an" in"efensible$ Humanity&s o#tions are clear= 'e can continue to "o 'hat 'e&re "oin/ an" /o the 'ay of the "inosaurs( or 'e can chan/e our 'ay of life$ +es#ite our #enchant for "estruction( % am an o#timist$ Evolution( as % e2#laine" in Cha#ter ( is #o'ere" by the formation of coo#erative communities( an" % believe to"ay&s chaos 'ill #ush us :some kickin/ an" screamin/< to the ne2t sta/e of evolution 'here lovin/( coo#erative noble /ases thrive$ Ho'ever( 'e can&t !ust sit in an easy chair an" then one "ay /et u# an" o#en the "oor to /reet the ne' 'orl"$ Evolution is an active #rocess not a #assive one( an" every one of us has to be a #artici#ant$ % subscribe not only to .ovelock&s 6aia theory but also to his 'ise a"vice about avoi"in/ “us versus them) thinkin/= %f 'e are all to live 'ell 'ith the Earth an" survive this century( 'e have to un"erstan" that to
strive for human ri/hts alone is not enou/h$ ,e have to un"erstan" that 'e an" all livin/ thin/s from bacteria to trees( from amoeba to 'hales are all #art of this /reat livin/ Earth 1ystem$ Most im#ortant( 'e have to act #ersonally an" not e2#ect others to "o our "uty ,e ten" far too much to seek sca#e/oats( #eo#le to blame for the environmental troubles( 'hereas it is us all$ ,e "etermine everythin/ 'e "o an" 'e&ve /ot to kee# that in min"$D % /rant you that it&s "ifficult to follo' .ovelock&s a"vice 'hen rea"in/ "e#ressin/ hea"lines about oil s#ills an" corru#t business an" #olitical lea"ers$ % fin" it a lot easier to avoi" sca#e/oatin/ 'hen % focus on noble their #art 'orl"$by That&s /ases 'hy "oin/ % "eci"e" to to en"chan/e this the cha#ter intro"ucin/ you to a fe' of the noble /ases %&ve ha" the #rivile/e of connectin/ 'ith on my lon/ an" fascinatin/ !ourney from a/nostic scientist to s#iritual scientist$ 7oses( Tulsi( an" +i/nity ,hen Mar/aret an" % receive" an invitation to travel to %n"ia to meet -harat Mitra an" -havani .ev( 'e felt com#elle" to /o$ Ho' coul" 'e resist meetin/ in #erson :not !ust on 1ky#e< a cou#le 'ho ha" foun"e"
a lovin/ community an" com#any calle" O76AN%C %N+%A( 'hose #hiloso#hy embraces 6aia= “Creation is one$ The Earth is one$ ,e are one$) .ike many ,esterners( -harat Mitra :from %srael< an" -havani :from the 8nite" 1tates< 'ent to %n"ia as s#iritual seekers$ %n %n"ia( they foun" a /uru( 1ri H$ ,$ .$ Poon!a :Pa#a!i<( an" a sim#ler life$ -ut unlike most #il/rims( they staye" in %n"ia to make .uckno' :the ca#ital of the state of 8ttar Pra"esh an" 'here they live" 'ith Pa#a!i< their home an" the hea"9uarters of O76AN%C %N+%A$ 1ays -havani( “,e felt calle" to start an or/anic revolution in %n"ia$) Actin/ as enli/htene" noble /as e2cimers( -harat Mitra an" -havani e2cite" other “noble4/as) #artici#ants to create a community to share their li/ht( not only amon/ themselves but 'ith the rest of the 'orl" as 'ell$ They starte" their revolution in JJK in the to'n of ABam/arh$ %n the &s( many farmers in this community ha" embrace" the hi/h4tech “6reen 7evolution) farmin/ metho"s that ,estern cor#orations ha" intro"uce" to %n"ia$ They mort/a/e" their farms an" lives to buy the #romise of costly /enetically mo"ifie" see"sI an" then ha" to borro' more to #ay for the synthetic fertiliBers( #estici"es( an" mo"ern irri/ation #ro!ects re9uire" to /ro' the
/enetically mo"ifie" #lants$ The /oal 'as to fen" off the country&s famines that ha" once been consi"ere" inevitable( an" at first it seeme" to 'ork$ Yiel"s increase" an" formerly #overty4stricken to'ns an" the farmers 'ho live" in them #ros#ere"$ -ut by the time O76AN%C %N+%A starte" its 'ork in ABam/arh( many farmers ha" become "isillusione" an" "es#erate$ Their fiel"s ha" in"ee" turne" /reen but in the #rocess ha" sucke" u# so much /roun"'ater that they nee"e" to "i/ "ee#er an" "ee#er 'ells an" borro' more an" more money$ The /enetically mo"ifie" or/anisms :6MOs< an" #etrochemical s#rays #ro"uce" an environmental "isaster 'ith "evastatin/ conse9uences$ Monsanto&s 6MO “monster cro#s) accelerate" "e#letion of soil nutrients( creatin/ #lant bli/ht( 'hich in turn le" to an invasion of "estructive insects$ The farmers ha" to borro' more money to buy more an" more chemicals to /ro' their cro#s to fen" off #ests that ha" become resistant$ %n the last "eca"e( nearly D( %n"ian farmers( unable to continue to 'ork their "e#lete" lan" an" unable to make loan #ayments( took their o'n lives*many by "rinkin/ the very #estici"es they ha" been tol" 'oul" ensure a /oo" livelihoo" for them an" their families$G
8nsur#risin/ly( 'hen O76AN%C %N+%A arrive" in ABam/arh( farmers 'ere sus#icious of more ,esterners askin/ them to ra"ically chan/e the 'ay they 'ork$ An" !ust as a #ractical matter( they 'ere leery of becomin/ or/anic farmers( because it takes at least three years to certify a fiel" as or/anic$ +es#ite these sus#icions( one farmer name" ;ailash Nath 1in/h "eci"e" to take a chance by /oin/ or/anic on his small( three4acre farm$ That small ste# coul"n&t have been more symbolicI not only 'as 1in/h /oin/ back to the 'ay his ancestors ha" farme" but he 'as "oin/ it 'ith the ancient cro# tulsi :also calle" holy basil<( a 'il" me"icinal herb that has been use" for thousan"s of years in tra"itional %n"ian me"icine :Ayurve"a< to heal bo"y an" min"$ No'( thanks to O76AN%C %N+%A&s subsi"ies "urin/ their transition( years later there are ( or/anic farmers in ABam/arh an" D( aroun" the country$ The stories these /rateful farmers tell are incre"ibly movin/ an" a testament to the sustainability of or/anic farmin/*constant enrichment of the soil( healthier livestock( fe'er miscarria/es( an" thrivin/ chil"ren$ 1ays ;ailash Nath 1in/h( “Or/anic farmin/ has come as a real blessin/ for our family$ Our succee"in/ /enerations 'ill rea# the benefits an"
realiBe ho' the lan" has not lost its fertility "ue to heavy use of chemicals$) % can&t tell you ho' ins#irin/ it 'as for Mar/aret an" me to see 'omen an" men 'orkin/ in or/anic tulsi( #syllium( an" into2icatin/ly fra/rant rose fiel"s :use" in their fabulous Tulsi 1'eet 7ose Tea<( cultivatin/ their cro#s in a sustainable 'ay$ They are literally healin/ the Earth one fiel" at a time$ 1ays -harat Mitra( “%t&s not only that they have sustainable income( not only that the environment is healthy( not only that their livestock is "oin/ 'ell( not only their o'n health has im#rove" so si/nificantly( but they have the "i/nity of bein/ farmers a/ain$ Ho' beautiful$ Ho' natural$ Ho' sim#le$) The farmers& cro#s are #rocesse" an" shi##e" from .uckno' all over the 'orl" to consumers :like Mar/aret an" me< clamorin/ for or/anic #ro"ucts( 'hich means that O76AN%C %N+%A is no' makin/ a /lobal im#act as 'ell$ The com#any is committe" to its vision of bein/ a vehicle of consciousnessI it is runnin/ its business in a 'ay that benefits everyone 'ho 'orks at the com#any an" the consumers 'ho buy its hi/h49uality #ro"ucts$ 1ays -havani( “8nless 'e all e2#erience that 'e are all of the same consciousness 'e&re /oin/ to treat each other as if you "on&t matter$)
-harat Mitra an" -havani&s ne'est #ro!ect is AH%M1A :Association for Holistic %nte/rative Me"ical 1cience in Action<( an in"e#en"ent research foun"ation forme" by a collaboration of “inte/rative me"ical #rofessionals( scientists( researchers( an" visionary social entre#reneurs) all o#eratin/ from their hearts an" min"s 'ith noble /asUlike inte/rity :balance< an" #assion :ener/y<$ As 'ith a laser( the /oal of the AH%M1A community&s “e2cimers) is to stimulate enli/htenment in the 'orl"$ ,ith selfless love( they 'ant to “liberate) health care from cor#orate financial interests by #rovi"in/ in"e#en"ent( evi"ence4base" research on holistic reme"ies that “su##ort( ins#ire( an" #romote True ,ellness amon/ all #eo#le$) Mar/aret an" % 'ere honore" 'ith an invitation to !oin AH%M1A( an" 'e&re es#ecially im#resse" 'ith its lon/ vie' of evolutionary #ro/ress$ One of the 9uestions built into the #lannin/ #rocess is sustainability= “Ho' 'ill AH%M1A look to the /ran"chil"ren of our /ran"chil"renQ) This is a #ers#ective that 'as missin/ from the unsustainable “6reen) farmin/ revolution( an" 'e&re ha##y to be #art of a /rou# that takes the lon/ vie' about the health of in"ivi"uals an" this #lanet$ Conscious Parentin/
%&m the first to a"mit that % 'asn&t rea"y to be a #arent an" that % 'as i/norant about the im#ortance of #arents :versus /enes< in chil" "evelo#ment$ ,ith D5D hin"si/ht( there are many thin/s as a father %&" like to /o back an" chan/e$ No' 'hen % see my "au/hters an" sons4in4la' raisin/ their chil"ren consciously( in a 'ay that means that these chil"ren( unlike their /ran"father( 'on&t have to re'rite a lot of ne/ative #ro/rammin/( % 'on"er ho' % coul" have been so i/norant$ %&m remin"e" of -harat Mitra&s "escri#tion of or/anic farmin/( 'hich coul" also serve as a "escri#tion of conscious #arentin/= “Ho' beautiful$ Ho' natural$ Ho' sim#le$) 1o sim#le that -ritish #sychothera#ist 1ue 6erhar"t in ,hy .ove Matters= Ho' Affection 1ha#es a -aby&s -rain coul"n&t be more correct 'hen she 'rites( “Most of all( my research lea"s me to believe that( if the 'ill an" resources 'ere available( the harm "one to one /eneration nee" not be transmitte" to the ne2t= a "ama/e" chil" nee" not inevitably become a "ama/in/ #arent$) There is nothin/ inevitable about /eneration after /eneration of ba" #arentin/( an" the im#ortance of breakin/ this cycle cannot be overestimate"$ %n the #revious cha#ter( % talke" about ho' ne/ative #ro/rammin/ can un"ermine relationshi#s( but %
"i"n&t talk about ho' #rofoun" an im#act /oo" #arentin/ can make on our violence4torn #lanet0 %n the JJs 3ames ,$ Prescott( former "irector of the National %nstitutes of Health&s section on Chil" Health an" Human +evelo#ment( conclu"e" that the most #eaceful cultures on Earth feature #arents 'ho maintain e2tensive #hysical( lovin/ contact 'ith their chil"ren :for e2am#le( carryin/ their babies on their chests an" backs throu/hout the "ay<$ %n a""ition( these cultures "o not su##ress a"olescent se2uality( vie'in/ it instea" as a natural state of "evelo#ment that #re#ares a"olescents for successful a"ult relationshi#s$ He also foun" that chil"ren :an" animals< that "o not e2#erience lovin/ touch are unable to su##ress their stress hormones( an inability that is a harbin/er of violent behavior$ 1ays Prescott( “As a "evelo#mental neuro#sycholo/ist( % have "evote" a /reat "eal of stu"y to the #eculiar relationshi# bet'een violence an" #leasure$ % am no' convince" that the "e#rivation of #hysical sensory #leasure is the #rinci#al root cause of violence$) Prescott&s #ersuasive research has been i/nore" in “a"vance") societies 'here the natural #rocess of birth has been me"icaliBe"I 'here ne'borns are se#arate" from their #arents for e2ten"e" #erio"sI 'here #arents are tol" to let infants cry for fear of
s#oilin/ themI 'here #arents /oa" youn/ chil"ren to achieve more by tellin/ them they&re not /oo" enou/hI 'here #arents( believin/ that /enes are "estiny( let chil"ren "evelo# on their o'n$ All of these unnatural #arentin/ behaviors are a reci#e for continue" violence on this #lanet$ %t has been an u#hill stru//le to focus #ublic a'areness on the fact that in"ivi"ual em#o'erment( conscious #arentin/( an" #lanetary #eace are connecte"( even thou/h those connections are #roven by soli" research$ -ut % "o believe that in the face of current /lobal crises( the messa/e of #eace an" holism( 'hich is /roun"e" in mo"ern revisions of tra"itional scientific thou/ht( is finally bein/ hear"$ One in"ication of increasin/ #ublic a'areness is that a version of the “ne' science() an inte/ration of 9uantum #hysics( e#i/enetics( an" conscious #arentin/ % "escribe" in The -iolo/y of -elief( receive" t'o a'ar"s in reco/nition of its ability to create #eace in this 'orl"$ The first 'as the DJ 6oi Peace A'ar" #resente" annually for “outstan"in/ contributions to'ar" the realiBation of a #eaceful an" harmonious 'orl" for all life on earth$) Hiroo 1aion!i( #resi"ent of the 6oi Peace Foun"ation( ma"e it clear that the “ne' science&s) messa/e of in"ivi"ual em#o'erment is
more than in"ivi"ual em#o'erment= “ThisZ research has contribute" to a /reater un"erstan"in/ of life an" the true nature of humanity( em#o'erin/ 'i"e layers of the #ublic to take control of their o'n lives an" become res#onsible co4creators of a harmonious #lanetary future$) The secon" #ublic reco/nition of the “ne' science) 'as the DD Thousan" Peace Fla/s a'ar" from the 8nite" NationsUs#onsore" Ar/entinean Mil Milenios "e PaB :A Thousan" Millennia of Peace< an" Fun"aci^n PEA :Peace( Ecolo/y > Art Foun"ation< or/aniBations$ %t is easy to /et mire" in our o'n #ersonal "ramas an" our o'n efforts to buil" successful relationshi#s( but these a'ar"s #ut such "ramas into a much lar/er an" more meanin/ful conte2t$ The #romise of the “ne' science) is not only a 'orl" 'here there are no co"e#en"ent relationshi#s an" no nee" to /ra##le 'ith four min"s in a relationshi# but also a 'orl" 'ithout violence( because all chil"ren receive the nurturin/ they nee" to thrive an" create a better 'orl"$ Connectin/ Noble 6ases ,hile #re#arin/ to 'riteha" thisa##lie" book( % aske" my online community if anyone the #rinci#les offere" in The -iolo/y of -elief to their relationshi#s$
The lar/e number of #ositive res#onses( an" in #articular this elo9uent letter( ble' me a'ay= Hi -ruce( Here&s ho' The -iolo/y of -elief chan/e" my relationshi# 'ith my husban" forever= % sat on the soft vinyl seat /aBin/ out the 'in"o' as the li/ht #laye" on the 'ater outsi"e$ The train #icke" u# s#ee" as 'e /li"e" alon/ the tracks from Portlan" to -ellin/ham$ All % coul" hear 'as -ruce&s voice as % listene" to his au"io version of The -iolo/y of -elief$ % ma"e a mental list of all the hi/h #oints to tell my husban"( Martin( 'hen % returne"$ He 'as 'aitin/ for me at the train station( an" before % coul" s#eak he tol" me about the /reat book he ha" !ust finishe" calle" The -iolo/y of -elief$ This 'as a 'atershe" moment for us$ ,e "eci"e" that it 'as time to chan/e the “track) of the ta#es that #laye" in our hea"s$ % took a P1YCH4; 'orksho# as one of the 'ays that -ruce su//este" 'e re#ro/ram our subconscious min"s :aka our ta#es<( an" % tau/ht Martin$ ,e ma"e a list of ta#es that often #laye" in our hea"s an" use" the P1YCH4; muscle4testin/
#rocess to balance them$ ,hen 'e starte" the #rocess( 'e live" mainly in the 'orl" of 'ork 'ith very little time for each other$ ,e thou/ht this 'as !ust normal an" "i"n&t realiBe the "istance that 'as /ro'in/ bet'een us$ Throu/h our ol" belief “ta#es) 'e 'ere settin/ ourselves on a relationshi# course that 'as mo"ele" by our #arents$ % coul" #icture us in later years 'on"erin/ 'hat ha##ene" as 'e became stran/ers to each other$ No'( 'e 'ere lettin/ /o of ta#es that "i"n&t serve us an" recor"in/ ne' ones that "i"0 Throu/h our a'areness of this re#ro/rammin/( 'e starte" chartin/ a ne' #ath$ ,e move" to a #lace 'ith a slo'er an" "eci"e" to a/o create !obs have that embrace"#ace our creativity$ A year % 'oul" never thou/ht 'e coul" have come u# 'ith this= htt#=55kck$st5yba7Po$ Our relationshi# is much richer no'( an" % feel that 'e are on the same 'avelen/th 'hen 'e see ol" ta#es surfacin/$ ,e are em#o'ere" to a""ress those ta#es an" 'ork to/ether to continue chartin/ our best life$ Marcy Criner
,hen 'e follo'e" u# 'ith Marcy before #ublication of this book( % learne" that the #ro!ect she an" her husban" liste" on the 'ebsite ;ickstarter( an iPa" a## to enable ki"s to 'rite an" illustrate stories( "i" not /et fun"e"$ 8n"aunte"( Marcy an" Martin "i"n&t en/a/e in recrimination= “You shoul" have "one this No( you shoul" have "one that$) %nstea"( they "eci"e" to come u# 'ith a ne' #ro!ect :an online course< that "oesn&t nee" outsi"e fun"in/$ Marcy says that because she an" her husban" 'ere no lon/er mo"elin/ their #arents& relationshi#s an" ha" instea" create" a relationshi# their conscious min"s ha" chosen( they 'ere able to "eal 'ith the fact that their #ro!ect "i"n&t /et fun"e"= “,e 'ere able to not blame each other$ ,e actually smile" an" "re' #ictures of the lessons 'e learne" throu/h the #ro!ect$) %n fact( Marcy an" Martin have come to believe that the #ro!ect 'as a success because throu/h ;ickstarter they connecte" 'ith a number of #eo#le 'ho #rovi"e" encoura/ement= “%t turne" out not to be about money$ %t 'as about #eo#le comin/ to/ether to su##ort us in our vision$) This is another e2am#le of noble4/as communities sharin/ li/ht$ The %nternet is akin to the human bo"y&s nervous system because it has the #otential to connect seven
billion in"ivi"ual human bein/s to/ether into one livin/ or/anism calle" humanity$ % can&t say that % kno' ho' the %nternet is /oin/ to evolve :any more than % kno' e2actly the s#ecifics of ho' the #lanet is /oin/ to evolve<( but % "o kno' that noble /ases 'ho start an or/aniBation like AH%M1A or a revolt like the Arab 1#rin/ can( throu/h the %nternet( turn their movements into /lobal ones at breathtakin/ s#ee"$ %ncreasin/ly( those 'ho reco/niBe the im#ortance of creatin/ a harmonious /lobal community are usin/ the %nternet to connect humanity$ That inclu"es me$ %&ve "eci"e" to take my o'n a"vice an" not sit in an easy chair 'aitin/ for the ne2t sta/e of evolution but instea" e2#loit the #o'er of the %nternet sittin/ at my com#uter chair$ % 'ant to hel# connect noble /ases all over the #lanet( not !ust throu/h my books an" lectures but throu/h my 'ebsite$ %f you have a story to tell an" 'oul" love to share it 'ith a 'orl" seekin/ ho#e an" li/ht( #lease sen" it to me at bruce_bruceli#ton$com so 'e can #ost it$ Throu/h the %nternet( 'e can buil" ener/y amon/ one another that 'ill make 6aia /lo'$ 1oun"s /reat( -ruce( some of you are thinkin/( but are you sure 6aia is /oin/ to surviveQ %t&s a 9uestion % /et a lot( es#ecially from #eo#le 'ho are "iscoura/e" about the chaos of to"ay&s 'orl"$ % am not a
Pollyanna( but as % sai" earlier( % am o#timistic because % have ha" the #rivile/e of meetin/ so many noble /ases throu/h my 'ork= #eo#le 'ho are in"ivi"ually an" collectively li/htin/ u# the 'orl"$ An" as % e2#laine" in the first cha#ter( there are re#etitive fractal #atterns in Nature an" in evolution that offer insi/ht( ho#e( an" vision for a sustainable future$ The crises 'e&re e2#eriencin/ 'ill( % believe( force evolutionary chan/e as crises have in the #ast( thou/h % also believe that it&s /oin/ to be a bum#y ri"e u# the ne2t run/ of the evolutionary la""er$ At the moment( 'e&re 'itnessin/ the "isassembly of the structures #eo#le once consi"ere" soli"( inclu"in/ reli/ious( #olitical( economic( an" aca"emic ones$ -ecause they are locke" into ol" an" fla'e" belief systems( % believe they nee" to colla#se so 'e can move #ast their limitin/ beliefs( like the “% beat you before you beat me) survival4of4the4fittest ethic( or the belief that humans are the result of ran"om mutations( or the notion that /enes control our lives*out"ate" beliefs that 'e have been laborin/ un"er for years$ % sit here lookin/ at the crises facin/ humanity an" %&m e2cite" because % believe they&re a si/n that 'e&re on our 'ay to the ne2t level of evolution( a ne' belief system that 'ill sha#e a civiliBation base" on harmony
an" self4em#o'erment$ % can&t "escribe the e2act conse9uences if an" 'hen seven billion humans "eci"e to sto# killin/ one another an" the #lanet an" take res#onsibility for the su#eror/anism calle" humanity any more than an amoeba coul" have #re"icte" 'hat 'oul" ha##en 'hen trillion of them coo#erate" to form a human bein/0 %f you ha" aske" an amoeba 'hat 'oul" ha##en( there&s no 'ay it coul" have ima/ine" a rocket shi# to the moon or cell #hones or televisions$ 1imilarly( it&s im#ossible to #re"ict 'hat 'ill ha##en once seven billion humans collectively reco/niBe that they are #art of humanity( a lar/er enli/htene" su#eror/anism$ -ut % "o kno' that it 'ill be 'on"erful because human consciousness is one of the most #o'erful elements influencin/ the evolution of this #lanet$ +urin/ this time of chaos( % a"vise you to avoi" the tem#tation of isolatin/ yourself( allo'in/ your biolo/ical "rive for #rotection to trum# your biolo/ical "rive for /ro'th$ This is a time for /ro'th( a time for takin/ thin/s in( not 'allin/ yourself off$ -y all means take ste#s to #rotect yourself :% am storin/ e2tra foo"<( but "on&t sto# at #rotection$ 7eachin/ out to connect 'ith others 'ill hel# brin/ about chan/e$ % use the analo/y of the metamor#hosis of a cater#illar to "escribe 'here 'e are no'$ 8n"er the
skin of a cater#illar are to K billion cells$ Every cell is a sentient entity an"( in fact( the e9uivalent of a functional miniature human bein/$ Every cell has a !ob$ 1ome are 'orkin/ in the "i/estive system( some in the muscular system( an" so on$ Every cell is “em#loye") an" /ettin/ “#ai"$) The cater#illar is /ro'in/$ %ts economy is /ro'in/$ Everythin/&s in a state of lu2uriant /ro'th*ha##y "ays are here$ Then one "ay the cater#illar sto#s takin/ in foo" an" sto#s movin/$ %nsi"e the 'orl" of the cater#illar( the cells start lookin/ aroun" an" sayin/( “,hat&s /oin/ onQ) The "i/estive cells /et lai" off because there hasn&t been any foo" comin/ in for a 'hile$ Muscle cells lose their !ob 'hen the cater#illar sto#s movin/$ Then all the cells start /ettin/ lai" off$ The structure they live" in an" create" as a community is fallin/ a#art$ The cells start to #anicI many commit suici"e :a#o#tosis<$ The hi/hly or/aniBe" structure that 'as the cater#illar becomes a sou# of cells "isconnecte" from the structure$ “Oh my 6o"*this 'hole thin/ is fallin/ a#art0) -ut some cells( /enetically i"entical to the #anicke" cells( res#on" in a "ifferent 'ay$ 7i/ht in the mi"st of the chaos( these ima/inal cells see a "ifferent vision an" they become the lea"ers that create that ne' vision$ All of a su""en cells come to/ether a/ain( this
time to create somethin/ more a"vance" than a cater#illarI a /or/eous( soarin/ butterfly emer/es from the sou#$ % think humanity is no' in “late cater#illar) 'hen visionary ima/inal cells :aka noble /ases< are lea"in/ the 'ay to a better future$ % can&t hel# but believe that the number of these ima/inal cells5noble /ases 'ill reach such a critical mass that our #lanet 'ill heal an" evolve to a hi/her or"er of life$ % envision ver"ant( or/anic fiel"s( lovin/ #arents( Ha##ily Ever After cou#les( an" an amaBin/ ne' butterfly that emits laser li/ht$
EP%.O68E Ha##ily Ever After A 7omantic Come"y 1tarrin/ -ruce an" Mar/aret 1cene = 6irl Meets -oy % "o believe % love" you from the moment % lai" eyes on you an" kno'in/ you over the last year an" a half has /iven time( s#ace( ener/y( an" real substance to my love an" has fe" an" nourishe" my soul$ % /uess that makes you 1oul Foo"0 % love you( Mar/aret * F7OM THE MA76A7ET4-78CE .O@E .ETTE71 A7CH%@E Mar/aret= 3ust like in the movies( it 'as love at first si/ht across a cro'"e" room$ Or more accurately( it 'as love at first !olt across a cro'"e" room( a !olt that literally took my breath a'ay$
,alkin/ back to my front4ro' seat at the JJ international conference of the Association for Perinatal an" Prenatal Health( % sa' the foun"er of the or/aniBation( Thomas @erny( s#eakin/ to someone 'hose back 'as turne" to me$ As % #asse" by the stran/er( % let out an involuntary /as# an" refle2ively #ut my han" over my heart( 'here % ha" felt a !olt of ener/y$ % sto##e" 'alkin/ an" looke" back$ Thomas an" the stran/er 'ere lookin/ curiously at me( the source of the lou" /as# that ha" taken them by sur#rise as much as it ha" taken me0 % mana/e" to blurt out( “Hi$) % ma"e my 'ay to my chair( askin/ myself( ,o'( 'hoa( 'hat 'as that aboutQ The meetin/ room at the 1an Francisco Cathe"ral Hill Hotel fille" u# aroun" me 'ith hun"re"s of atten"ees( but % "i"n&t even notice$ % 'as starin/ at the floor( tryin/ to recover from my heart !olt$ This 'as beyon" attraction( beyon" lust*this 'as /oo" vibrations taken to a 'hole ne' level$ % ha"n&t even seen his face0 Finally( % looke" u# an" "iscovere" that the stran/er 'as one of the s#eakers on the ne2t #anel an" his name 'as -ruce .i#ton$ At the en" of the session( after -ruce ha" /alvaniBe" the cro'"( % literally ha" to #ush my 'ay to the front of the line of #eo#le cro'"in/ aroun" him( all the 'hile revvin/ myself u#=
Mar/aret( this is no time to be coy$ You have to /o meet this /uy$ % reache" -ruce !ust as he 'as /ivin/ his home a""ress to a 'oman 'ho 'ante" to sen" him a check for one of his vi"eota#e lectures$ ,hen he /ot to .a Hon"a( California( % blurte" out( “You live in .a Hon"aQ % live in .a Hon"a0) 1o no' % ha" ha" this incre"ible #hysical( visceral reaction 'hen % 'alke" behin" this #erson an" he live" only minutes a'ay from me in the tiny to'n of .a Hon"a$ Not lon/ before that conference % ha" "eci"e" to o#en myself u# to e2#lorin/ :for the first time< a fully committe"( communicative( an" e2#ressive relationshi#( but( because %&" never ha" one( % ha" no clue ho' to /o about it$ 1o % a##eale" :not for the first time< to the 8niverse= “All ri/ht( 8niverse( % 'ant a si/n( a si/n so clear that %&ll "o somethin/ about it0) % 'as convince" % ha" /otten my si/n0 .ike -ruce( % 'as reinventin/ myselfI 'e ha" both ste##e" off the e"/e of our kno'n 'orl"s$ % ha" left an intense an" re'ar"in/ 4year career at the 1ummit Or/aniBation( a lea"er in the California human #otential movement$ % ha" also left a G4year relationshi# 'ith my mentor( 'ho foun"e" 1ummit$ .eavin/ the 1ummit family 'here % ha" /ro'n u# :% starte" in my Ds an" left 'hen % 'as GJ< 'as
'renchin/$ An" 'hen the com#any % hel#e" buil" fol"e" shortly after % left an" my husban" "ie" :'e 'ere se#arate"<( % coul" no lon/er avoi" the reality that the ol" life % ha" love" 'as over$ At 1ummit( 'e offere" e2#eriential 'orksho#s( an" our core messa/e 'ill be familiar to those 'ho follo' -ruce&s 'ork= “You are res#onsible for your life$) %n fact( the first time % hear" -ruce s#eak( he 'as e2#lainin/ the 'ork % ha" "one for years in a 'ay % ha" never hear" before$ % use" the “#rocessin/) lan/ua/e of the human #otential movement( an" -ruce use" the lan/ua/e of cell biolo/y an" 9uantum #hysics( but % realiBe" 'ith e2citement :yet another reason to believe % ha" /otten my si/n from the 8niverse< that 'e 'ere talkin/ about the same thin/0 % love" my 'ork at 1ummit( % love" our clients( an" % love" my collea/ues( all of 'hom 'ere( like me( Bealous #ractitioners of self4in9uiry*'e 'ere !ust as committe" as our clients 'ere to fi/urin/ out 'hy our lives "i"n&t match the lives 'e sai" 'e 'ante"$ 8nsur#risin/ly( /iven my #assion for internal 'ork( my /oal after % left 1ummit 'as to “#rocess) :there&s that 'or" a/ain< 'hat % ha" /one throu/h so %&" /lean all the 'is"om % coul" from it an" 'alk into the ne2t cha#ter of my life 'ith an o#en heart$
-ut the first or"er of business 'as "ecom#ression$ %t 'as a !oy !ust to sit an" lin/er over a cu# of coffee 'ithout havin/ to run to the ne2t a##ointment on my calen"ar( the ne2t #hone call( the ne2t 'orksho# booke" a year in a"vance$ % tol" frien"s % 'as /oin/ to revel in my free time an" in"e#en"ence$ ,hen they tol" me they ho#e" % 'oul" fin" a ne' #artner( % blithely !oke" that they shoul"n&t 'ish me a /oo" relationshi#( !ust some /oo" se2 an" a lot of fun$ That all chan/e" 'hen % arran/e" a mentorshi# 'ith ;athlyn an" 6ay Hen"ricks( 'ho use bo"y4centere" techni9ues to unravel 'hat&s truly /oin/ on 'ith in"ivi"uals an" cou#les$ The Hen"rickses ha" been to/ether for D years( but they coul" have been honeymooners*it 'as so a##arent ho' much they like"( love"( a##reciate"( an" honore" each other$ They are committe" to 'hat they call “emotional trans#arency) an" "efine this as “the ability to kno' your o'n feelin/s an" to talk about them so that others un"erstan" them$) %n my 'ork 'ith ;athlyn an" 6ay( % realiBe" that "es#ite my state" "esire for intimacy( in relationshi#s % ha" al'ays ha" one eye on a si"e4"oor esca#e$ % kne' % "i"n&t nee" that kin" of relationshi# a/ain*% coul" "o !ust fine on my o'n$ -ut the Hen"rickses ins#ire" me to "ream about movin/ beyon" my #attern of bein/
'ith men % ha" to "ra/ kickin/ an" screamin/ into intimacy$ % o#ene" myself u# to the #ossibility of 'hat % calle" -i/ .ove$ 1cene D= -oy .oses 6irl +earest ,on"erful( Thank you for lovin/ me so 'ell even if % "i"n&t behave in a manner suitable for such love$ % love you a lot0 -rucie *F7OM THE -78CE4MA76A7ET .O@E .ETTE7 A7CH%@E1 -ruce= You&re #robably thinkin/ that after Mar/aret&s love4at4first !olt( she an" %( t'o noble /ases 'ho ha" "ealt 'ith lecture" their ne/ative #ro/rammin/ :an" in one case even re/ularly on its #o'er to #revent you from creatin/ the life you 'ant<( 9uickly e2#erience" bliss$ ,ell( not e2actly$ ,e call our relationshi# a romantic come"y for a reason*the first “hour an" a half) :actually si2 months< inclu"e" a series of misha#s an" lines in the san" more characteristic of hi/h4level "i#lomacy than Ha##ily Ever After( as 'ell as lots an" lots of !oy an" lau/hter$ Mar/aret&s heart !olt ma"e total sense to me( 'hich of course 'on&t sur#rise you because you&ve rea"
Cha#ter D$ All or/anisms( you&ll remember( broa"cast uni9ue vibratory si/natures$ %n this case( Mar/aret create" a s#ecific an" uni9ue vision in her min" 'hen she 'as 'orkin/ 'ith the Hen"rickses( a neurolo/ical vision 'ith uni9ue brain fre9uencies$ 1he then taske" the 8niverse( aka her su#ercom#uter subconscious( 'ith a search re9uest to alert her 'hen the correct harmonic vibration entere" her fiel"$ ,hen she 'alke" behin" me( Mar/aret “rea") an ener/y si/nature emanatin/ from me that locke" in :harmonically this is a /oo" vibrations story< 'ith the fre9uency her subconscious 'as seekin/$ The fact that Mar/aret refle2ively clutche" her heart at that instant also ma"e sense to me( because % believe the heart is the receivin/ an" res#on"in/ or/an that rea"s our ener/y fiel"s$ ,hen % ha" my cell4mem4-rain e#i#hany in the Caribbean that % "escribe in The -iolo/y of -elief( it 'as my heart that res#on"e" instantly in that amaBin/ moment of a'areness$ %n fact( % often refer to that moment as my “heart or/asm)*it 'as not only a moment 'hen % “/ot it) but also a moment that 'oke me u# to my heart&s ability to sense Truth$ ,hile % un"erstoo" Mar/aret&s heart !olt( % "i" not have the same e2#erience 'hen % met her$ % kne' % 'as "ra'n to an attractive( interestin/( #o'erful(
refreshin/ly "irect an" honest 'oman( but % "i" not yet kno' 'hat is no' so obvious to me*% ha" met the love of my life0 As % e2#laine" in the %ntro"uction( 'hen it comes to relationshi#s( % am not a 9uick learnerI actually( %&m a stay4after4school( 'rite4on4the4blackboar"4a4 thousan"4times kin" of learner$ % ha" ma"e incre"ible #ro/ress un"oin/ my #ro/rammin/( #ro/ress that % kno' enable" Mar/aret to come into my life$ -ut vesti/es of my #ro/rammin/ still hel" me back$ % 'ante" an honest relationshi#( an" % still 'ante" a relationshi# that "i"n&t re9uire me to e"it even one 'or" of my K4year mantra= “% 'ill never /et marrie" a/ain0) %n retros#ect( % realiBe % ma"e 'hat coul" have 'oun" u# bein/ the "umbest move of my life*% let her /o0 % "i"n&t 'ant to mislea" Mar/aret( so % tol" her % 'asn&t committe"4relationshi# material$ 1cenes G an" = -oy an" 6irl -e/in Their 3ourney -ein/ 'ith you has o#ene" u# my love an" % 'ant to continue to e2#an" in this 'on"erful love % have 'ith you an" for you % love 'akin/ u# 'ith youyour an" silliness$ talkin/( /i//lin/( an"lau/h$ lovin/$ % love % love your % love our -%6 F8N 'ith each other$
% love you( my "arlin/( Mar/aret *F7OM THE MA76A7ET4-78CE .O@E .ETTE71 A7CH%@E Mar/aret= ,hen % hear" from -ruce( or thou/ht % hear" from un"er -ruce(the that he 'asn&t available( % "i" ri/ht thin/ circumstances*% 'ishe" himthe a /oo" life$ -ut then % crie" for "ays as if % ha" lost the love of my life( 9uite o"" behavior :thou/h not 'hen you consi"er -ruce&s 9uantum #hysics e2#lanation earlier< /iven that % ha" only talke" to -ruce for a total of a fe' minutes0 Of course( it "i"n&t en" there$ After a fe' more t'ists an" turns :all /rist for 1cene G of our romantic come"y<( starte" "atin/$ Ha##ily -ut 'e still e2actly on'e an ine2orable Ever 'eren&t After tra!ectory$ Every time 'e ha" a "ate( -ruce 'oul" re#eat his "isclaimer that he 'asn&t relationshi# material an" !ust in case % ha"n&t /otten the messa/e( he ma"e sure 'e met at his house an" he cooke" the mealsI he "i"n&t 'ant to be “behol"en) to me lest that smack of a #ermanent commitment$ After lots of soul searchin/( % overcame my 9ualms about e2#lorin/ a commitment4free relationshi# 'ith -ruce an" "eci"e" % 'oul" take the risk of /ettin/ my
heart broken$ % vo'e" to learn everythin/ % coul" about bein/ fully #resent 'ith another #erson :% /ave u# on the “fully committe") #art of -i/ .ove but not the emotional trans#arency #art< for as lon/ as our relationshi# laste"$ 1o after % sat throu/h -ruce&s "isclaimer every 'eek( 'e 'oul" move on to my emotional trans#arency a/en"a( 'hich 'as all about communicatin/ honestly= “There&s somethin/ 'e nee" to talk about ) ,hat % soon learne"( to my sur#rise( 'as that thou/h % 'as "efinitely the more intense( serious one on the surface( % ha" met my match$ -ruce&s bi/ brain an" bi/ heart meant that % ha" to become more e2#ansive to kee# u# 'ith him$ % starte" learnin/ so much about ho' to e2#ress love$ An" more sur#risin/( % learne" a lot about commitment 'ithout his ever usin/ that 'or"$ %n truth( "es#ite my #assion for self4in9uiry( emotional trans#arency 'as e2haustin/ for me at first$ %t re9uire" bein/ #resent all the time( even the times % 'ante" to s#ace out an" not #ay attention for a 'hile$ The tem#tation 'as to say at some #oint( “This is too much trouble$) %nstea"( % chose to continue an" focuse" on en!oyin/ our /lorious time to/ether*-ruce is so en"earin/ly funny an" s'eet$ ,e ha" :an" still have< a lot of silliness( a lot of /i//les( an" a lot of lau/hter$ One of
-ruce&s nei/hbors sai" she love" to visit her horses 'ho /raBe" in front of his house :.a Hon"a is rural< because she&" hear our lau/hter an" it ma"e her ha##y( too$ The lau/hter starte" early( even before % ha" ma"e #eace 'ith -ruce&s commitment "isclaimer$ On one of our first "ates( -ruce su//este" a /ame of 1crabble$ ,hat -ruce 'as soon to learn 'as that % love 1crabble an" % #lay it mercilessly to 'in0 ,hen % beat him( he 'as in total shock an" very im#resse" that % ha" beste" his formi"able vocabulary$ % tol" him % 'oul" have su//este" a /ame the first time 'e met ha" % kno'n ho' much my 1crabble #layin/ 'oul" im#ress him$ Actually( the 'ay % beat -ruce 'as not by bestin/ his vocabulary but by usin/ obscure t'o4 an" three4letter 1crabble 'or"s % ha" lon/ since memoriBe"*one of my favorites is oe( a violent Faroe %slan"s 'hirl'in"$ -ruce launche" into a comic #resentation of my 'in fille" 'ith the ri"iculous 'or"s % ha" beaten him 'ith that 'as so funny % 'as rollin/ on the floor lau/hin/$ -eatin/ me became a challen/e for him an" 'hen he finally "i"( % sai"( “Ho' refreshin/0) ,e 'ere havin/ fun( an" 'e 'ere also communicatin/ on a "ee# level$ For -ruce( life ha" been serious for too many years 'hen he 'as
follo'in/ someone else&s scri#t for a ha##y life$ An" % realiBe" that % nee"e" to li/hten u# an" soften my lan/ua/e after a 4year career "e"icate" to confrontin/ thin/s no'$ Our frien"s starte" noticin/ ho' /oo" 'e 'ere :an" are< to/ether$ -ruce&s frien"s( 'ho kne' about his commitment #hobia( 'ere tellin/ him not to "o anythin/ to ruin our relationshi#*one tol" him not to come back unless he brou/ht me 'ith him$ My lon/time frien"s 'ere tellin/ me that they ha" never seen a #artner 'ho matche" my hi/h ener/y levels so 'ell$ +es#ite -ruce&s nee" to re#eat his "isclaimer an" my nee" to #ush my emotional trans#arency a/en"a too har" an" too fast :lest % /et stuck 'ith another man 'ho "i"n&t 'ant to "eal 'ith his “shit() to #ut it in"elicately<( on some level( like our frien"s( % believe 'e kne' 'e ha" starte" our !ourney to Ha##ily Ever After$ 1cene ( etc$= The -um#y Course to Ha##ily Ever After The course of true love never "i" run smooth$ * A-Y M%+18MME7 N%6HT&1 +7EAM ,%..%AM 1HA;E1PEA7E
Mar/aret= Of course( it still 'asn&t a strai/ht #ath to Ha##ily Ever After$ Peo#le al'ays ask me if -ruce an" % ar/ue( an" % tell them at the be/innin/ 'e certainly "i"*an" in 'ays that 'oul" be familiar to lots of cou#les$ An" then % tell the story of our #re46P1 roa" tri#$ %t 'asn&t a lon/ tri#I 'e 'ere only "rivin/ for about t'o hours to visit frien"s$ -ut 'e /ot lost$ % ke#t su//estin/ that 'e sto# for "irections an" -ruce ke#t makin/ turns an" tryin/ to fi/ure it out$ Yes si/hZ( % kno'( stereoty#ical male4female res#onses0 % sai" somethin/ like “That&s not 'hat % 'oul" "o) but by then -ruce 'as so irritate" 'ith me an" 'ith himself that he #ulle" into a sho##in/ mall #arkin/ lot( /ot out( an" sai"( “Fine( you "rive$) Then :in #ublic< 'e 'ere nose to nose an" yellin/ at each other( tellin/ each other 'hat to "o an" 'here to /o$ After a fe' secon"s of that fierce confrontation( 'e sto##e"( ste##e" a'ay from each other( took "ee# breaths( let out soun"s like “Phe'0) an" “,hoa0) an" /ot back in the car$ ,e 'ere silent for a lon/ 'hile$ Then 'e starte" to talk about the amaBin/ly stron/ knee4!erk reactions 'e ha" both ha"( ho' ba" they felt( an" ho' they 'ere not 'hat either of us 'ante"$ This 'as the e2act o##osite of the /oo"4 vibrations heart !olt % ha" e2#erience" at the
Cathe"ral Hill Hotel$ This 'as a te2tbook case of ba" vibrations0 %n fact( it took almost a 'eek :-ruce remembers t'o 'eeks< before the “ba") vibes "issi#ate"$ +urin/ that time 'e a/ree" that that 'oul" never ha##en a/ain$ ,e ha" both been in those kin"s of volatile( "estructive relationshi#s in the #ast( an" it 'as really clear to us that 'e 'ere not /oin/ to "o that ever a/ain$ At the time( it 'as a shock that 'e coul" still "e/enerate so 9uickly into intense an/er$ -ut no'( 'ith the #ers#ective of years of livin/ Ha##ily Ever After( % think it isn&t #ossible to have a really intimate relationshi# 'ithout some "ark stuff comin/ u#*the kin" of an/er that makes you 'ant your #artner to suffer a little to make a #oint( the kin" of hurt feelin/s that make you 'ant to e2act reven/e$ After our #arkin/4lot confrontation( 'e aske" ourselves 'hether 'e 'ante" to be ri/ht all the time or 'hether 'e 'ante" to have a relationshi#$ ,e chose our relationshi#$ Then 'e consciously an" subconsciously :'e&re al'ays co/niBant of our four min"s< "eci"e" to take res#onsibility for bein/ control freaks an" 'ork on 'ays to let /o of our nee" to be ri/ht all the time0 First( % came u# 'ith a techni9ue for curbin/ my ten"ency to s#eak critically at emotionally char/e"
moments$ % think it&s a #attern 'e&re all familiar 'ith$ You kno' that 'hat you 'ant to say 'ill a"" salt to the 'oun" so you vo' not to say it$ -ut you blurt it out any'ay :that corrosive subconscious #ro/rammin/< because you kno' you&re ri/ht an" your #artner is 'ron/$ The 'ay % sub"ue" the critical chatter burstin/ to come forth 'as to /o into the bathroom( look at myself in the mirror( an" have an eye4to4eye talk 'ith myself= “Mar/aret( "o you 'ant to be ri/ht( or "o you 'ant to be in loveQ) %t took #ractice( but % "i" it over an" over an" it 'orke"$ After a session at the mirror( % 'oul" 'alk back into the room havin/ shifte" my ener/y to my heart$ My 'or"s 'ere kin" because % ha" chosen to shift my ener/y to uncon"itional love$ -ruce an" % also cultivate" another techni9ue that hel#s us shift from hurt( an/er( or fear into uncon"itional love$ ,e "evelo#e" a habit( 'hich has no' become automatic( of reconnectin/ silently 'ith touch rather than ar/uin/ about 'ho&s ri/ht$ 7econnectin/ means that no matter ho' ba" you feel( no matter ho' much you think your #artner hurt you( no matter ho' much you 'ant your #artner to suffer a little to make a #oint( you sit to/ether 'ithout talkin/ or ar/uin/ to reconnect on a "ee#er level than 'or"s$ %f you let /o of the "etails of a "is#ute an" make contact 'ith each other( your hearts o#en a/ain an"
everythin/ /ets han"le" really 9uickly$ You "o have to make sure you&re touchin/*knees( han"s( arms$ ,ithout touchin/ you coul" 'in" u# !ust sittin/ there ste'in/0 ,e also /ot into the no' automatic habit of usin/ lovin/ 'or"s to reconnect throu/hout each "ay( even 'hen -ruce is on the roa" lecturin/ an" 'e have to "o it via 1ky#e$ ,e say “% love you) all the time*'hen 'e #ass in the hall'ay( 'hen one of us leaves the house( etc$ ,e liberally use en"earin/ silly nicknames :invente" by -ruce< like “6oosie( -rucie$) An" 'e also make sure 'e have lots of #hysical reassurance every "ay= lots of hu/s( an" smooches that #rovi"e" another silly nickname( “The 1chmoochilinis$) %f you&re thinkin/ this soun"s a ta" over the to#( you&re not the first$ 1ally Thomas( 'ho 'orks 'ith me at Mountain of .ove Pro"uctions( says that 'hen she first met us she thou/ht the constant “% love you)s 'ere too “syru#y$) Then she starte" to a##reciate them= “No matter ho' stressful thin/s /et( -ruce an" Mar/aret al'ays use acce#tin/ an" lovin/ an" kin" communication$ They "on&t hol" on to thin/s an" become resentful$ The Honeymoon Effect has not 'orn off$) Then she starte" to imitate us$ “The funny thin/ is that it rubbe" off on me$ %t&s a /oo" 'ay to be 'hen
you&re 'ith somebo"y an" they&re "rivin/ you craBy* you !ust have to remember you love them to "eath$) For my #art( % think constant reinforcement is a /oo" thin/$ % "o not take our Ha##ily Ever After for /rante"0 .ike -ruce&s( my nuclear family "i" not mo"el #ositive relationshi#s$ % left home at kno'in/ % coul" take care of myself better than % 'as care" for at home because % 'as the a"ult in the house$ % believe that our romantic come"y coul" have turne" into a tra/e"y ha" both of us not been a'are of our ne/ative #ro/rammin/( taken ste#s to overcome it( an" reinforce" our love 'ith su##ortive an" a##reciative 'or"s :an" "ee"s< every "ay$ %n the en"( /oo" vibrations aren&t enou/h( 'hich 'on&t sur#rise anyone 'ho has rea" this book0 %&ve met #eo#le 'ho 'ere convince" they 'ere soul mates because they 'ere so attune" ener/etically( but their relationshi#s "i"n&t 'ork out( at least in this lifetime$ -efore 'e coul" move on to Ha##ily Ever After( 'e both nee"e" to "eal 'ith the invisible ba//a/e that 'as hol"in/ us back$ Final 1cene= Ha##ily Ever After Your beauty my life*% in love 'ith you0 illuminates % truly un"erstan" the am i"easoof"early Heaven* for you have com#lete" my un"erstan"in/$
,ith love for you( my "earest 6ooselini( -rucie *F7OM THE -78CE4MA76A7ET .O@E .ETTE7 A7CH%@E1 -ruce= 1o % tol" you %&m a slo' learner( but in this case not that slo'0 1i2 months after 'e met( 'e 'ere sittin/ in the livin/ room( Mar/aret on the sofa an" me on the floor leanin/ a/ainst the sofa( 'hen % starte" to lau/h( then cau/ht myself an" sto##e"$ Mar/aret ke#t askin/ 'hat % ha" starte" to lau/h about$ Eventually( % tol" her % ha" almost blurte" out( “Mar/aret( 'ill you marry meQ) Mar/aret&s res#onse to this momentous ne's that follo'e" K years of re#eatin/ my “% 'ill never marry a/ain) mantra for 'asthe “Yeah( %n fact( that 'as her res#onse entireriiii/ht$) 'eek it took me to convince her % 'as serious0 Finally( % ha" realiBe" that Mar/aret 'as the 'oman % 'ante" to be 'ith$ Finally( % ha" realiBe" that % 'as alrea"y livin/ the relationshi# % ha" lon/e" for$ ,e 'ere sharin/ everythin/ an" that inclu"e" an" still inclu"es the bacon*if there are four #ieces( she /ets t'o0 ,e 'ere havin/ fun an" 'e 'ere as intimate as coul" be$ it 'as a milestone( lettin/ /o of my “never Thou/h /et marrie" a/ain) shavin/ mantra turne" out to be a
natural #ro/ression % "i"n&t have to think about much$ The turnin/ #oint for me came 'hen % realiBe" that % truste" Mar/aret 'ith my life$ % kne' in my heart that if % nee"e" somebo"y to make a "ecision about my life 'hen % 'as inca#acitate"( she 'as the only one % 'oul" trust to make it$ %n my entire e2istence on this #lanet( % ha" never ha" that sense that % coul" turn over my life to someone else if necessary$ To me( that realiBation 'as min"4bo//lin/*% ha" come to trust her that much$ ,hen % convince" Mar/aret % 'as serious about my ne' level of trust :an" serious about not nee"in/ to re#eat my "isclaimer anymore<( 'e "eci"e" to commit to an e2#eriment in Ha##ily Ever After$ The e2#eriment5challen/e 'as to continue 'hat 'e 'ere "oin/ 'ithout any en" /oal$ %nstea"( 'e committe" to a Senlike Ha##ily Ever After e2#eriment( a “be here no') e2#eriment 'ithout any lon/4term /oals$ 1eventeen years later :an" countin/<( our Ha##ily4 Ever4After livin/4in4the4moment e2#eriment is still /oin/ stron/$ .ike Mar/aret( % "on&t think our e2#eriment 'as necessarily or"aine" to succee"$ ,e ha" a /reat start( but if 'e ha"n&t ma"e course corrections( if 'e ha"n&t "ealt 'ith lin/erin/ unconscious behaviors( % "on&t think 'e 'oul" have ma"e it$
Mar/aret has alrea"y "escribe" some of the habits of lovin/ communication that 'e took time to embe" in our subconscious$ % think the “Honeymoon ,eeken"s) 'e set asi"e for ourselves 'ere crucial as 'ell$ They 'ere three "ays :soon e2ten"e" to four "ays 'hen our sche"ules allo'e"< of cocoonin/( leavin/ behin" the “real) 'orl" in favor of our 'oo"sy mountain retreat$ Even no' that 'e&re busier an" can&t al'ays arran/e for those 'eeken"s( 'e still have that access #oint( that love an" !oy 'ith an" for each other that 'e e2#erience" "urin/ those 'eeken"s early in our relationshi# an" still e2#erience to"ay$ 1ometimes % confess % can&t hel# but 'ish 'e coul" have e2#erience" that love an" !oy 'hen 'e 'ere youn/$ % once tol" Mar/aret that ha" 'e met in hi/h school 'e 'oul" have been hi/h school s'eethearts$ 1he 'as touche"( but then 'e thou/ht about it an" came to the conclusion that it 'oul"n&t have 'orke"$ Ha" 'e met in hi/h school( that #re46P1 roa" tri# mi/ht not have been a one4time occurrence*'e both ha" a lot to learn :actually a lot of subconscious #ro/rammin/ to un"o< before 'e sto##e" our 'obbly( co"e#en"ent s#innin/ an" became noble /ases0 As % learne" a/ain an" a/ain in my life( until you /et your o'n act to/ether( you&re not rea"y for -i/ .ove$ ,hat you&re rea"y for is one of those co"e#en"ent
relationshi#s 'here you "es#erately nee" a #artner$ :7emember the 'oman in the Caribbean 'ho correctly tol" me % 'as too nee"y$< ,hen you learn to s#in in balance on your o'n like a noble /as( -i/ .ove becomes #ossible$ %n my case( % e2#erience" years of an2iety( thou/h % have to tell you that no' that %&m here( they are irrelevant$ %t 'as 'orth everythin/ to /et here0 % ho#e that by rea"in/ this book you&ll be able to shave a lot off your learnin/ years*there&s no reason you have to be as slo' a learner as % 'as$ No' that you kno' about subconscious #ro/rammin/ an" ho' it can un"ermine your life an" your relationshi#s( % ho#e you&ll be #roactive about un"oin/ that #ro/rammin/( #roactive about takin/ res#onsibility for the relationshi#s you create in your life( an" #roactive about leavin/ your co"e#en"ent relationshi#s behin"$ -y all means( if you like romantic come"ies( kee# 'atchin/ them$ -ut there&s a hu/e "ifference bet'een sittin/ an" 'atchin/ someone else&s scri#t an" 'ritin/ your o'n$ Create your o'n romantic come"y starrin/ the #erson you 'ant to be an" the #erson you attract into your life$ ,ritin/ your o'n Ha##ily Ever After scri#t means no more victimolo/y( no more narratives of the sort % use" to create like “1he "i" me 'ron/$) An" #lease(
no /uilt for #ast relationshi#s0 Ho' 'ere you to kno' that invisible #ro/rammin/( 'hich you ha" nothin/ to "o 'ith( 'as un"erminin/ your relationshi#sQ Move on an" seiBe every moment of to"ay$ .et /o of yester"ay0 An" no e2cuses0 %f Mar/aret an" %( 'ho come from +ysfunctional 1treet( 81A( can make it 'ork( so can you$ Of course( if you&re one of those lucky cou#les 'ho met in secon" /ra"e( fell in love in hi/h school( an" are thrivin/ in a"ulthoo"( maBel tov0 You "on&t nee" e2cuses or ins#iration( at least in the relationshi# area of your lifeI your four min"s are alrea"y ali/ne"$ Thou/h % ho#e 'e can #rovi"e ins#iration( Mar/aret an" % cannot #rovi"e a blue#rint for a Ha##ily Ever After relationshi# because there is no one4siBe4fits4all formula for creatin/ Ha##ily Ever After$ Mar/aret an" %( as you no' kno'( took com#letely "ifferent #ath'ays to /et to the #oint 'here 'e 'ere rea"y to create our Ha##ily Ever After$ Thou/h % can&t offer you a blue#rint( % can offer you some resources an" a han"y Honeymoon Effect checklist in the A##en"i2 that follo's this E#ilo/ue$ % also can&t offer you #erfection$ Ha##ily Ever After "oesn&t mean that %&m #erfect or that everythin/ is #erfect in my life$ ,hat it "oes mean is that %&ve reinvente" myself an" my life$ %&m livin/ in the same
'orl"( but it&s really not the same 'orl" % use" to live in$ Thin/s :like leaky roofs( #arkin/ tickets( an" the "ea"line for this book< that use" to "iscombobulate me "on&t turn me u#si"e "o'n( an" they "on&t thro' our relationshi# off balance either$ Mar/aret an" % never lose our love no matter 'hat other thin/s are /oin/ on in our lives$ ,hatever ha##ens( it&s okay$ ,hat % can offer you is ho#e for a better 'orl"$ ,hen you create a Ha##ily Ever After relationshi#( you start attractin/ like4min"e" #eo#le 'ho form a buffer bet'een you an" the other #art of the 'orl" you use" to be in the trenches 'ith$ You create your o'n bubble fille" 'ith the /lo' of noble /ases= those “enli/htene") noble /ases from Cha#ter I that is( #eo#le 'ho kno' there is another 'ay to live$ % believe that if our lives ha"n&t become "istorte" by #ro/rammin/( the entire #lanet 'oul" be #art of this bubble$ The entire #lanet 'oul" /lo' like a laser because it 'oul" be a #lanet fille" 'ith love$ Albert Einstein once sai"( “There are t'o 'ays to live your life$ One is as thou/h nothin/ is a miracle$ The other is as thou/h everythin/ is a miracle$) Create your o'n li/ht an" share it 'ith your #artner an" 'ith others so this #lanet 'ill /lo' 'ith the laser li/ht of noble /ases( 'ho every "ay create Heaven on Earth$
.ike my hero Einstein( noble /ases kno' that 'e can live our lives like the miracles they are$
APPEN+%V A The Honeymoon Effect Checklist $Conscious min" revie'= -e “conscious) of 'hat you ask for D$1ubconscious min" revie'= -e a'are of the #ro/rammin/ you receive" before you coul" consciously “think) about it$ G$Take a"vanta/e of tools to re#ro/ram your subconscious( inclu"in/ ener/y #sycholo/y :aka su#er learnin/<( hy#nosis( subliminal ta#es( an" min"fulness :livin/ in the moment<$ $Practice "aily ran"om acts of kin"ness an" fre9uent terms of en"earment( an" tailor them to your relationshi#$ $O#en your heart to your #artner 'hen you have a "is#ute or 'ant to brin/ the Honeymoon Effect back into your relationshi# by o#tin/ out of verbal ar/uments usin/ silence an" #hysical touchin/$ Chan/e first sonoble you can #artneryour 'hoo'n is anlife e2citable /as$attract a
APPEN+%V Come"ies for Cinemathera#y :in al#habetical or"er< AmRlie As 6oo" As %t 6ets -last from the Past -ri"/et 3ones&s +iary Continental +ivi"e +efen"in/ Your .ife +efinitely( Maybe +oc Holly'oo" E"ucatin/ 7ita 6roun"ho/ +ay Hi/h Fi"elity %t Coul" Ha##en to You 3erry Ma/uire .ove Actually Moonstruck My -i/ Fat 6reek ,e""in/ Ne' in To'n 1lee#less in 1eattle
1#lash The 4Year4Ol" @ir/in The American Presi"ent The 6oo"bye 6irl To"ay&s 1#ecial ,hen Harry Met 1ally
7E1O87CE1 -elief Chan/e Mo"alities for Accessin/ an" 7e#ro/rammin/ Your 1ubconscious Min" :%n al#habetical or"er< Alchemical Healin/ :'''$shamanic!ourneys$com< Alchemical Healin/ combines innovative metho"s from shamanism an" ener/etic the #rinci#les of alchemy to create healin/ #hysical 'ith healin/( thera#eutic counselin/( an" s#iritual /ro'th$ Alchemy Techni9ues :'''$alchemytechni9ues$com< Alchemy Techni9ues is a collection of techni9ues to inte/rate all as#ects of the self in the "ee#est layer of the heart :center<$ The -o"y Co"e 1ystem of Natural Healin/ :'''$"rbra"leynelson$com< The -o"y Co"e 1ystem for 8ltimate Ener/y Healin/ an" -o"y -alancin/ is a #ro/ram to fin" an" correct
un"erlyin/ imbalances that block health an" ha##iness$ -o"y Talk 1ystem :'''$bo"ytalksystem$com< -o"yTalk is "esi/ne" to resynchroniBe the bo"y&s ener/y systems so they can o#erate as nature inten"e"$ Consciousness D$ :consciousnessD4$com< Consciousness D$ is a self4/ui"e" #ro/ram to u#/ra"e "estructive #ro/rammin/ by “uninstallin/) fear( !u"/ment( limitation( stru//le( an" #ain an" “installin/) each #erson&s hi/hest self consciousness$ Core Health :'''$corehealth$us< Core Health&s +T :+ee#ly( Thorou/hly( uickly< is a #rocess to #ermanently reactivate a #erson&s innate healthy core$ EM+7 :'''$em"r$com< EM+7 is a #sychothera#y that enables #eo#le to heal more 9uickly than tra"itional thera#y from the sym#toms an" emotional "istress that result from "isturbin/ life e2#eriences$ Emotional Free"om Techni9ues :'''$eftfree$net< -ase" on ne' "iscoveries about the bo"y&s subtle ener/ies( Emotional Free"om Techni9ues are use" as
thera#y for emotional( health( an" #erformance issues$ The Healin/ Co"es :'''$thehealin/co"e$com5home$#h#< The Healin/ Co"es are "esi/ne" to remove stress from bo"y( thus allo'in/ thebo"y$ neuroimmune system to healthe'hatever is 'ron/ in the The Hen"ricks %nstitute :'''$hen"ricks$com< The Hen"ricks %nstitute is an international learnin/ center that teaches core skills for conscious livin/ an" conscious lovin/ an" is committe" to creatin/ a 'orl"'i"e community of #eo#le 'ho 'ant to e2#lore ne' hei/hts of love( creativity( an" 'ell4bein/$ Holo/ra#hic 7e#atternin/ :'''$re#atternin/$or/< 7esonance 7e#atternin/ is a system to i"entify an" clear the #atterns of ener/y un"erlyin/ any issue( #roblem( or #ain you are e2#eriencin/$ Holosync :'''$center#ointe$com< Holosync is a form of neuroau"io technolo/y for creatin/ a balance bet'een brain hemis#heres to enhance mental5emotional health an" mental functionin/$ %nner 7esonance Technolo/ies :'''$innerresonance$com<
%nner 7esonance features seven ste#s "esi/ne" to allo' each #erson&s automatic system to rebalance an" harmoniBe #hysically( emotionally( mentally( an" s#iritually$ %nstant Emotional Healin/ :'''$instantemotionalhealin/$com< %nstant Emotional Healin/= Acu#ressure for the Emotions by Peter T$ .ambrou( Ph$+$( an" 6eor/e 3$ Pratt( Ph$+$= a book that e2#lains the foun"ations of ener/y #sycholo/y$ The 3ourney :'''$the!ourney$com< The 3ourney is "esi/ne" to access the bo"y&s o'n healin/ 'is"om at the "ee#est level of “source) or the soul$ .ifeFlo' Me"itation :'''$#ro!ect4me"itation$or/< -ase" on biofee"back research( .ifeFlo' Me"itation #laces the listener into brain4'ave states that enhance ha##iness( 'ell4bein/( an" learnin/ abilities$ NetMin"-o"y :'''$netmin"bo"y$com< NetMin"-o"y is a min"4bo"y stress4re"uction techni9ue for fin"in/ an" removin/ neurolo/ical imbalances relate" to unresolve" min"4bo"y issues$ Neurolink&s Neurolo/ical %nte/ration 1ystem :'''$neurolink/lobal$com<
Neurolink&s #rotocols levera/e the brain&s ability to restore the bo"y an" all its systems to full #otential$ P1YCH4; :'''$#sych4k$com< P1YCH4; is a set of #rinci#les an" #rocesses to chan/e subconscious beliefs that limit the e2#ression of your full #otential as a "ivine bein/ that is havin/ a human e2#erience$ 7a#i" Eye Technolo/y :'''$ra#i"eyetechnolo/y$com< 7a#i" Eye Technolo/y releases stress an" trauma :'ithout relivin/ the trauma< by simulatin/ 7EM slee#( your bo"y&s o'n natural release system$ 7econnective Healin/ :'''$thereconnection$com5about< 7econnective uses vibrational fre9uencies to heal bo"y( min"(Healin/ an" s#irit$ The 7%M Metho" :'''$riminstitute$com< The 7%M Metho" reconstructs affirmin/ ima/es in cellular memory to create subconscious chan/es for accelerate" emotional an" #hysical 'ell4bein/ an" /reater success$ 7osen Metho" :'''$rosenmetho"$or/< The 7osen Metho"muscle features /entle(usin/ "irecthan"s touch that to alleviate chronic tension “listen rather than mani#ulate$)
The 1e"ona Metho" :'''$se"ona$com< The 1e"ona Metho" teaches #eo#le ho' to ta# into their natural ability to release #ainful or un'ante" feelin/s( beliefs( an" thou/hts$ 1ilva 8ltraMin" E1P 1ystem :'''$silvaultramin"systems$com < The 1ilva 8ltraMin" E1P is a system to unlock the incre"ible #o'ers of #eo#le&s min"s to connect to a hi/her #o'er that #rovi"es /ui"ance for lea"in/ a ha##ier an" more successful life$ Three in One Conce#ts :'''$Ginconce#ts$us< -ase" on research an" "evelo#ment in the fiel" of a##lie" kinesiolo/y( Three in One Conce#ts assists #eo#le 'ho 'ant to take res#onsibility for creatin/ their o'n 'ell4bein/ by inte/ratin/ bo"y( min"( an" s#irit$ The ,O, Process :'''$the'o'#rocess$com< ,O, is a #rocess to alleviate #hysical( emotional( mental( or s#iritual stress an" sufferin/$
EN+NOTE1 Cha#ter = Our +rive to -on" $ -ruce H$ .i#ton( Ph$+$( 1teve -haerman( 1#ontaneous Evolution :Carlsba"( CA= Hay House( DJ<( $ D$ .e'is Thomas( The .ives of a Cell= Notes of a -iolo/y ,atcher :Ne' York= @ikin/( JK<( UD$ G$ 7obert 1a#olsky( “The 8ni9ueness of Humans) :1tanfor" 8niversity Class +ay .ecture= 3une G( DJ<( '''$youtube$com5'atchQv]hrC@uD's$ $ .aura 1$ 1cott( T'o %s Enou/h= A Cou#le&s 6ui"e to .ivin/ Chil"less by Choice :-erkeley( CA= 1eal Press( DJ<( $ $ %bi"$( DGUD$ $ %bi"$( KK$ K$ Nathan ,$ -ailey an" Marlene Suk( “1ame41e2 1e2ual -ehavior an" Evolution() Tren"s in Ecolo/y an" Evolution( vol$ D( no$ L :3une ( DJ<= GJU $
L$ -ruce -a/emihl( -iolo/ical E2uberance= Animal Homose2uality an" Natural +iversity :Ne' York= 1t$ Martin&s Press( JJJ<( $ Cha#ter D= 6oo" @ibrations $ @la"ilen 1$ .etokhov( “+etectin/ %n"ivi"ual Atoms an" Molecules 'ith .asers() 1cientific American( vol$ DJ( no$ G :1e#tember JLL<= UJ$ D$ Mark Hallett( “Transcranial Ma/netic 1timulation an" the Human -rain() Nature( vol$ ( no$ KJD :3uly D<=KU$ G$ Allan ,$ 1ny"er an" others( “1avant4like 1kills E2#ose" in Normal Peo#le by 1u##ressin/ the .eft Fronto4tem#oral .obe() 3ournal of %nte/rative Neuroscience( vol$ D( no$ D( :+ecember DG<= JU L$ $ 7$ E$ Hoffman et al$( “Transcranial Ma/netic 1timulation an" Au"itory Hallucinations in 1chiBo#hrenia() The .ancet( vol$ G( no$ JDJ :March D( D<= KGUK$ $ ,omen > %nfants Hos#ital( “Efficacy of Transcranial Ma/netic 1timulation for +e#ression Confirme" in Ne' 1tu"y() 1cience+aily :3uly D( DD<(
'''$science"aily$com5releases5DD5K5DKDL G$htm$ $ .$]M$ +uan( “uantum Correlation -et'een +istant +iamon"s() 1cience( vol$ GG( no$ :+ecember D( D<= DGU$ K$Consciousness( Amit 6os'ami( “[uantum Creativity( an"Physics( Healin/& 'ith Amit 6os'ami #art of GZ() %nstitute of Noetic 1ciences( Au"io .ectures :D<( =GJ=L( '''$noetic$or/5library5au"io4lectures59uantum4 #hysics4consciousness4creativity4an"5$ L$ 3$ 6rinber/4Sylberbaum an" others( “The Einstein4Po"olsky47osen Para"o2 in the -rain= the Transferre" Potential() Physics Essays( vol$ K( no$ :+ecember JJ<= DDUDL$ J$ Marilyn 1chlitB( et al( “Of T'o Min"s= 1ke#tic4 Pro#onent Collaboration 'ithin Para#sycholo/y() -ritish 3ournal of Psycholo/y( vol$ JK :D<= GGU DD$ $ 7ichar" Conn Henry( “The Mental 8niverse() Nature( vol$ G( no$ KK :3uly K( D<= DJ$ $of +avi" P$ -arash 3u"ith .i#ton( D<( The Myth Mono/amy :Ne'an" York= ,$ H$Eve Freeman( $
D$ Mary ;armelek( “,as This 6aBelle&s +eath an Acci"ent or a 1uici"eQ) 1cientific American :May D( D<( htt#=55blo/s$scientificamerican$com5anec"otes4from4 the4archive5D55D5'as4this4/aBelles4"eath4an4 acci"ent4or4a4suici"e$ Cha#ter G= .ove Potions $ :a Com#any( %nc$( JJD<$ -ruce H$ .i#ton( “A Fine41tructural Analysis of Normal an" Mo"ulate" Cells in Myo/enic Culture() +evelo#mental -iolo/y( vol$ :JKK<= DUK$ :b< ***( “Colla/en 1ynthesis by Normal an" -romo"eo2yuri"ine4treate" Cells in Myo/enic Culture() +evelo#mental -iolo/y( vol$ :JKK<= GU$ D$ .yle H$ Miller an" Alma +ell 1mith( The 1tress 1olution :Ne' York= Pocket -ooks( JJ<( D$ G$ +$ MaraBBiti an" +$ Canale( “Hormonal Chan/es 'hen Fallin/ in .ove() Psychoneuroen"ocrinolo/y( vol$ DJ( no$ K :Au/ust( D<= JGUG$ $ T$ 3$ .ovin/( E$ E$ Crockett( an" A$ A$ Pa2son( “Passionate .ove an" 7elationshi# Thinkers= E2#erimental Evi"ence for Acute Cortisol Elevations
in ,omen() Psychoneuroen"ocrinolo/y( vol$ G( no$ :3uly DJ<= JGJU$ $ Theresa .$ Crensha'( M$+$( The Alchemy of .ove an" .ust= Ho' Our 1e2 Hormones %nfluence Our 7elationshi#s :Ne' York= Pocket -ooks( JJ<( U$ $ %bi"$( L$ K$ %bi"$( D$ L$ .iBa O&+onnell an" others( “Estro/en an" 1#ermato/enesis() En"ocrine 7evie's( vol$ DD( no$ G :3une ( D<= DLJUGL$ J$ Carl Clayton Hollo'ay an" +avi" F$ Clayton( “Estro/en 1ynthesis in the Male -rain Tri//ers +evelo#ment of the Avian 1on/ Control Path'ay in @itro() Nature Neuroscience( vol$ ( no$ D :February D<= KUK$ $ +avi" 3$ .in"en( The Com#ass of Pleasure= Ho' Our -rains Make Fatty Foo"s( Or/asm( E2ercise( Mari!uana( 6enerosity( @o"ka( .earnin/( an" 6amblin/ Feel 1o 6oo" :Ne' York= @ikin/( D<( L$ $ An"rRs @i"al46a"ea et al$( “Caenorhab"itis Ele/ans 1elects +istinct Cra'lin/ an" 1'immin/ 6aits via +o#amine an" 1erotonin() PNA1( vol$ L( no$ D :October L( D<( KUJ$
D$ .in"en( The Com#ass of Pleasure( GU$ G$ %bi"$( KU$ $ An"reas -artels an" 1emir Seki( “The Neural -asis of 7omantic .ove() Neuro7e#ort( vol$ ( no$ K :November DK( D<= GLDJUG$ $ -ianca P$ Aceve"o an" others( “Neural Correlates of .on/4term( %ntense 7omantic .ove() 1ocial Co/nitive an" Affective Neuroscience( vol$ K( no$ D :February D( DD<= UJ$ $ .o'ell .$ 6etB an" C$ 1ue Carter( “Prairie4vole Partnershi#s() American 1cientist( vol$ L( no$ :3anuaryUFebruary JJ<= UD$ K$ .arry 3$ Youn/( Anne S$ Mur#hy Youn/( an" EliBabeth A$ +$ Hammock( “Anatomy an" Neurochemistry of the Pair -on"() The 3ournal of Com#arative Neurolo/y( vol$ JG( no$ :+ecember ( D<= UK$ L$ 3ohn M$ 1tribley an" C$ 1ue Carter( “+evelo#mental E2#osure to @aso#ressin %ncreases A//ression in A"ult Prairie @oles() PNA1( vol$ J( no$ DD :October D( JJJ<= DU$ J$ Thomas 7$ %nsel( Suo4Vin ,an/( an" Crai/ F$ Ferris( “Patterns of -rain @aso#ressin 7ece#tor +istribution Associate" 'ith 1ocial Or/aniBation in
Microtine 7o"ents() The 3ournal of Neuroscience( vol$ ( no$ J :1e#tember ( JJ<= GLUJD$ D$ .$ 3$ Youn/( +$ TolocBko( an" T$ 7$ %nsel( “.ocaliBation of @aso#ressin :@a< 7ece#tor -in"in/ an" m7NA in the 7hesus Monkey -rain() 3ournal of Neuroen"ocrinolo/y( vol$ :JJJ<= DJU JK$ D$ Miran"a M$ .im et al$( “Enhance" Partner Preference in a Promiscuous 1#ecies by Mani#ulatin/ the E2#ression of a 1in/le 6ene() Nature( vol$ DJ :3une K( D<= KUK$ DD$ Yan .iu( 3$ Thomas Curtis( an" Suo2in ,an/( “@aso#ressin in the .ateral 1e#tum 7e/ulates Pair -on" Formation in Male Prairie @oles :Microtus ochro/aster<() -ehavioral Neuroscience( vol$ ( no$ :D<= JUJ$ DG$ Thomas %nsel an" Terrence 3$ Hulihan( “A 6en"er41#ecific Mechanism for Pair -on"in/= O2ytocin an" Partner Preference Formation in Mono/amous @oles() -ehavioral Neuroscience( vol$ J( no$ :Au/ust JJ<= KLDULJ$ D$ -eate +itBen et al$( “%ntranasal O2ytocin %ncreases Positive Communication an" 7e"uces
Cortisol .evels +urin/ Cou#le Conflict() -iolo/ical Psychiatry( vol$ ( no$ J :May ( DJ<= JUJ$ D$ Michael ;osfel" an" others( “O2ytocin %ncreases Trust in Humans() Nature( vol$ G :3une D( D<= KGUK$ DNeural $ PeterCircuitry ;irsch an" “O2ytocin an" Mo"ulates forothers( 1ocial Co/nition Fear in Humans() The 3ournal of Neuroscience( vol$ D( no$ J :+ecember K( D<= LJUJG$ DK$ +$ MaraBBiti an" others( “Alteration of the Platelet 1erotonin Trans#orter in 7omantic .ove() Psycholo/ical Me"icine( vol$ DJ :JJJ<= KU$ DL$ Helen Fisher( ,hy ,e .ove= The Nature an" Chemistry of 7omantic Martin&s( D<( UK$.ove :Ne' York= 1t$ DJ$ Carolyn H$ +eclerck( Christo#he -oone( an" Toko ;iyonari( “O2ytocin an" Coo#eration un"er 8ncertainty= The Mo"ulatin/ 7ole of %ncentives an" 1ocial %nformation() Hormones an" -ehavior( vol$ K( no$ G :March D<= GLUGK$ G$ Carsten ;$ ,$ +e +reu et al$( “O2ytocin Promotes Human Ethnocentrism() PNA1( vol$ L( no$ :3anuary D( D<= DDU$
G$ 7obert M$ 1a#olsky( “Peace( .ove an" O2ytocin() The .os An/eles Times( +ecember ( D$ Cha#ter = Four Min"s +on&t Think Alike $ Marianne 1Be/e"y4MasBak( “Mysteries of the Min"= Your 8nconscious is Makin/ Your Every"ay +ecisions() 8$1$ Ne's > ,orl" 7e#ort :February L( D<$ D$ Tor N`rretran"ers( The 8ser %llusion= Cuttin/ Consciousness +o'n to 1iBe :Ne' York= Pen/uin( JJL<( DUD$ G$ +avi" Chamberlain( The Min" of Your Ne'born -aby :-erkeley( CA= North Atlantic -ooks( JJL<( 2iii$ $ Thomas 7$ @erny( M$+$( an" Pamela ,eintraub( Tomorro'&s -aby= The Art an" 1cience of Parentin/ from Conce#tion throu/h %nfancy :Ne' York= 1imon > 1chuster( DD<( DJ$ $ Annie Mur#hy Paul( “Fetal Ori/ins= Ho' the First Nine Months 1ha#e the 7est of Your .ife() Time :1e#tember DD( D<$ $ :a< 7$ .aibo'( “Me"ical A##lications of Neuro-ioFee"back) in Te2tbook of Neuro-ioFee"back( e"ite" by 3$ 7$ Evans an" A$ Abarbanel :-urlin/ton( MA= Aca"emic Press( JJJ<(
LGUD$ :b< 7$ .aibo'( #ersonal communication 'ith -$ H$ .i#ton$ Ne' 3ersey( :DD<$ K$ “.ike Mother( .ike 1on() 1cience( vol$ DJD :A#ril G( D<( D$ L$ 1uBe Orman( The J 1te#s to Financial Free"om :Ne' York= Cro'n( JJK<( D$ J$ %bi"$( G$ $ @al ;in!erski( 7ethinkin/ Your ,ork= 6ettin/ to the Heart of ,hat Matters :Chesa#eake( @A= ;aiBen Publishin/( DJ<( K$ $ Matthe' A$ ;illin/s'orth an" +aniel T$ 6ilbert( “A ,an"erin/ Min" %s an 8nha##y Min"() 1cience( vol$ GG( no$ :November D( D<= JGD$ D$ -ill Hen"rick( “,an"erin/ Min" May .ea" to 8nha##iness= 7esearchers 1ay Peo#le Are Most Ha##y Havin/ 1e2( E2ercisin/( 1ocialiBin/( Mainly -ecause 1uch Activities Hel# ;ee# the Min" from ,an"erin/() ,ebM+( '''$'ebm"$com5balance5ne's5DJ5'an"erin /4min"4may4lea"4to4unha##iness :November ( D<$ G$ 3im .a/o#oulos et al$( “%ncrease" Theta an" Al#ha EE6 Activity +urin/ Non"irective Me"itation() The 3ournal of Alternative an"
Com#lementary Me"icine( vol$ ( no$ :November DJ<= LKUJD$ $ 3effrey .$ Fannin an" 7obert M$ ,illiams( “.ea"in/ E"/e Neuroscience 7eveals 1i/nificant Correlations -et'een -eliefs( the ,hole4-rain 1tate( an" Psychothera#y() C= The CAPA uarterly :Au/ust DD<( UGD$ $ 3effrey .$ Fannin an" 7obert M$ ,illiams( “Neuroscience 7eveals the ,hole4-rain 1tate an" %ts A##lications for %nternational -usiness an" 1ustainable 1uccess() %nternational 3ournal of Mana/ement an" -usiness( vol$ G( no$ :Au/ust DD<$ Cha#ter = Noble 6ases= 1#rea"in/ Peace( .ove( an" Tulsi Tea $ 3ames .ovelock( The @anishin/ Face of 6aia= A Final ,arnin/ :Ne' York= -asic -ooks( D<( J$ D$ 3ames .ovelock( 6oi Peace PriBe A'ar" D( “+ialo/ue 1ession= +r$ 3ames .ovelock Meets Youn/ Peo#le() '''$/oi#eace$or$!#5en/lish5activities5a'ar"5a'ar"D 4$html$ G$ Ale2 7enton( “%n"ia&s Hi""en Climate Chan/e Catastro#he() The %n"e#en"ent( Au/ust ( DD$
$ 1ue 6erhar"t( ,hy .ove Matters= Ho' Affection 1ha#es a -aby&s -rain :Ne' York= -runner4 7outle"/e( D<( D$ $ 3ames ,$ Prescott( “-o"y Pleasure an" the Ori/ins of @iolence() The -ulletin of the Atomic 1cientists :November JK<= UD$
AC;NO,.E+6MENT1 My #ath to un"erstan"in/ an" learnin/ to live the Honeymoon Effecthi/hs has an" resemble" roller4coaster ri"e( 'ith e2treme soberin/a lo's$ On my !ourney( % ac9uire" kno'le"/e from a lar/e number of teachers 'ith 'hom % share" #hysical( emotional( an"5or s#iritual life e2#eriences$ Many 'ere 'illin/ teachers an" frankly( some 'ere not$ Yet each in"ivi"ual collectively contribute" to the /ran" synthesis of this life4transformin/ kno'le"/e$ First( % 'oul" like to honor some very im#ortant teachers 'hose 'is"om has #rovi"e" me 'ith insi/ht into the fun"amental secrets of life$ %t is 'ith /ratitu"e an" a##reciation that % thank the stem cells in my research an" the trillion cells makin/ u# the community % have come to kno' as “-ruce$) The future of human civiliBation is truly 'ritten in the 'is"om of the cells$ Once % embarke" u#on the #ath to livin/ Heaven on Earth( % foun" myself surroun"e" by an/els( the lovin/ celestial bein/s "escribe" in all reli/ions$ The 'or" an/el is "erive" from the 6reek 'or" an/elos( 'hich
means “harbin/er) or “messen/er$) Every an/el in my life has tau/ht me an as#ect of 8niversal .ove( 'hich for many re#resents 6o"$ An An/el of .i/ht 'ho has si/nificantly contribute" to an" influence" the #resentation of this 'ork is Patricia A$ ;in/$ Patricia is a -ay Area freelance 'riter an" former Ne's'eek re#orter 'ho 'orke" for a "eca"e as the ma/aBine&s 1an Francisco bureau chief$ 1he 'orks on book #ro!ects an" ne's#a#er an" ma/aBine stories that focus on health issues( es#ecially min"4bo"y me"icine an" the role stress #lays in "isease$ A native of -oston( Patricia lives in Marin County( California$ As % e2#erience" in our earlier collaborative effort that resulte" in the bestsellin/ The -iolo/y of -elief( % foun" Patricia to be a lovin/ collea/ue an" remarkable e"itor$ As many 'ill attest( % am a man of several million 'or"s( an" my An/el Patricia 'hittle" me "o'n to the ( rea"able( informative( an" fre9uently humorous 'or"s in this book$ A contributin/ an/el 'ith an artist&s flair is my "ear “s#iritual) son -ob Mueller( creator of the beautiful visionary art that /races the cover$ As ha##ene" 'ith The -iolo/y of -elief an" 1#ontaneous Evolution( % s#in a tale to -ob an" he 'eaves a visually stunnin/ ima/e that ca#tures the "ee# essence of the 'ork$
Thank you( "ear -ob*that&s three 'inners for three covers0 -ob is cofoun"er an" creative "irector of .i/hts#ee" +esi/n in -ellevue( ,ashin/ton$ He an" his com#any have #ro"uce" a'ar"4'innin/ G4+ technolo/y an" amaBin/ li/ht an" soun" sho's for cor#orations( science museums( an" #lanetariums aroun" the 'orl"$ -ob&s creative en"eavors can be sam#le" at '''$li/hts#ee""esi/n$com$ 1#ecial a##reciation /oes out to the ban" of lovin/ an/els 'ho /athere" to/ether to revie' the manuscri#t( criti9ue the 'ork( an" #rovi"e invaluable fee"back use" in fine4tunin/ the te2t$ % sen" love to each of the follo'in/ "ear an" truste" frien"s( 'ho #laye" a si/nificant an" vital role in brin/in/ this book to you$ %n ran"om or"er( they are= 1helly ;eller( +iana 1utter( 1usan May/innes( Curt 7e2roth( Terry an" Christine -u/no( Theresa an" @au/han ,iles( 7obert an" 1usan Mueller( 3oan -orysenko an" 6or"on +veirin( Patricia 6ift( Ne" .eavitt( -arry an" ;aren 7ushton( 1herry -urton( 7einhar" an" Michaela Fuchs( an" -havani an" -harat Mitra .ev$ 1#ecial a##reciation /oes out to 1ally Thomas= more than a rea"er( she&s our frien" an" lovin/ collea/ue$ % am forever /rateful for the love an" su##ort offere" by my family( 'ho staye" 'ith me no matter ho' stran/e thin/s ha" become$ % ackno'le"/e the love
an" a##reciation for my sister( Marsha( an" brother( +avi"( for sharin/ the #ain an" lau/hter that marke" our !ourney into life$ % am thankful for seein/ Heaven on Earth materialiBe" in the lives of my "au/hter TanyaI her love( 3ean4-riceI my /ran"chil"ren 3ean4 6abrielle an" .ily4AnabelleI an" my "au/hter 3ennifer( her life4#artner 1tef( an" my /ran"son( Miles$ An" the best for last the messa/e in this book an" all the Heaven on Earth 'oul" be #ersonally meanin/less 'ere it not for the love % share 'ith my "earest frien" an" teacher( Mar/aret Horton$ Mar/aret is my An/el of .ove an" .i/ht( my ins#iration an" /ui"e on this fabulous !ourney of a'akenin/$ The love 'e share is a blessin/ from the 8niverse$
A-O8T THE A8THO7 -ruce H$ .i#ton( Ph$+$( a #ioneer in the ne' biolo/y( an internationally lea"er by in bri"/in/ isscience an" s#irit$ reco/niBe" A cell biolo/ist trainin/( -ruce 'as on the faculty of the 8niversity of ,isconsin&s 1chool of Me"icine an" later #erforme" /roun"breakin/ stem4cell research at 1tanfor" 8niversity$ He is the best4sellin/ author of The -iolo/y of -elief an" the more recent 1#ontaneous Evolution( co4authore" 'ith 1teve -haerman$ -ruce receive" the DJ #resti/ious 6oi Peace A'ar" :3a#an< in honor of his scientific contribution to 'orl" harmony an" more recently in DD 'as chosen as Peace Ambassa"or for the “Thousan" Peace Fla/s) #ro!ect of the Ar/entinian Mil Milenios "e PaB$
Hay House Titles of 7elate" %nterest YO8 CAN HEA. YO87 .%FE( the movie( starrin/ .ouise .$ Hay > Frien"s :available as a 4+@+ #ro/ram an" an e2#an"e" D4 set< ,atch the trailer at=+@+ '''$.ouiseHayMovie$com THE 1H%FT( the movie( starrin/ +r$ ,ayne ,$ +yer :available as a 4+@+ #ro/ram an" an e2#an"e" D4 +@+ set< ,atch the trailer at= '''$+yerMovie$com CHAN6E YO87 THO86HT1*CHAN6E YO87 .%FE= .ivin/ the ,is"om of the Tao( by +r$ ,ayne ,$ +yer +EEP T78TH= %/nitin/ the Memory of Our Ori/in( History( +estiny( an" Fate( by 6re// -ra"en .O@EA-%.%TY= ;no'in/ Ho' to .ove an" -e .ove"( by 7obert Hol"en( Ph$+$ 7E,%7E YO87 -7A%N FO7 .O@E= Creatin/ @ibrant 7elationshi#s 8sin/ the 1cience of Min"fulness( by Marsha .ucas( Ph$+$
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