The Dreadful Teeny Weeny Guil loteeny
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There is no reason why magic should not enlighten as well as entertain -- delight, but educate...which is what the Performer tells the participants in:
The Dreadful Dreadful Teeny Teeny Weeny W eeny Guilloteeny The Performer places a somewhat battered old-fashioned schoolbag on the table. tabl e. He glances at the participants, then indicates the schoolbag, "You "You expected expected entertai ent ertainment nment and I bring you education. I would prefer you not pout." He opens the schoolbag, withdraws a history book, "History. All too often revisionist, changed to cater to more modern sensibilities. An example, consider the French Revolution. The worst of times for the best of blood bl ood -- specifically specifically royal blood. bl ood. Not that I'm a royalist, royalist, but bu t come now the blood of those who wear the crown is of far finer quality than t han that th at of commoners. Even Even vampires vampires would attest t o that." The Performer sighs, "So, of course, the curse of commoners' envy --off with the royal heads! No, 'Let us reason together', none of th at. Just chop off th eir fancy heads. But be hu mane about it. So Dr. Dr. Guillotine being true to his Hippocratic oath oath to do no harm invented invented his kindly contraption. The Guillotine, so named n amed for reasons reasons obvious. And now we come to if not revisionist history then certainly the sin of omission. omission. You You learned in school all about the Guillotine Gu illotine and the th e royal heads it divorced divorced from f rom royal royal bodies b odies -- but what about..." The Performer opens the history book and removes from it a small, wooden wooden guillotine guil lotine (Finger Chopper) on a base, puts it on the history book. "What about -- the Dreadful Teeny Weeny Guilloteeny? Why have we not heard of the heads that might migh t have been lost by royalist elves, and fairies and Le Petite Pixies? Self-evident. Such might have been been judged ju dged persecution of the littl e people. Okay to lop off big heads, but really rather poltically incorrect to whack off little ones. " The performer performer removes removes a strip of truffle truffl e from the th e schoolbag. "Truffle. Extremely expensive gourmet stuff, a French delicacy. Quite proper to demonstrate the delicate efficacy of France's Teeny Weeny Guilloteeny." Placing the strip of truffle into the finger chopper hole, the Performer gracefully smacks the blade down cutting the truffle in two. He picks up a piece, "Note who who artfully artfull y clean the cut, how aware aware the design that th at in France if you do not do d o something to
The Dreadful Teeny Weeny Guilloteeny
https://www.lybrary.com/tlpp/poinc/trick20.html
perfection it's best not to do it at all. Which Marie Antionette and others insisted -- the guillotine had not been perfected. To no avail. Well, you know how commoners are. But I've deviated. Back to the little people, Le Petite Pixies and others of that ilk." The performer reaches into the schoolbag, "They were rounded up, all the elves and fairies and Le Petite Pixies with actual or merely suspected loyalty to the crown. Catch 'em, jail 'em, and chop 'em was the clarion cry of commoners longing to breathe free...and who probably didn't much care for little folk. Many were, indeed, jailed." The Performer removes a 'granite' box from the schoolbag. It has a window cut in the lid, bars in the window. A pathetic Elf face peers out at the participants, trembling with apparent fear. "What was left of the Bastille after rowdy commoners tore it down; absolutely no appreciation for fine functional architecture." The Performer removes the lid, "Dragged from their fetid cells..." The Elf head is a finger puppet head on the tip of the Performer's forefinger, "through streets of jeering commoners," drags his hand along table, "to that savage blade of Liberty!". The Performer forces his struggling finger into the chopper hole. The Elf head trembles in terror. "Oh, misguided monsters in guise of patriots longing for Liberty. Off with it's head! the maddened shouts. Off with it's itty-bitty royalist head!" Dramatically, the Performer slams down on the blade. It penetrates the elf 'neck'. A tiny triumphant g iggled elfin 'Hee hee heeeee' is heard. The Performer glances down at the Elf head, frees it from the chopper stock, "Well naturally -- nothing could harm the elves and fairies and Le Petite Pixies. Great was and is Pixie Power. Why do you think the French were opposed to a Disneyland being built there? Too many little critters. Too reminiscent when the little folk kept their heads." The Performer places the Guill oteeny back into the history book, "History corrected. Now you know the truth . Isn't education fun?" When he withdraws his hand from the book the Elf head is no longer on his fingertip, but the first joint is all bloody. "And Marie Antionette was right. They never did perfect the blade. A really good teeny weeny guilloteeny would have...well...never mind, but it would've." METHOD: Please, please, please don't use your Finger Chopper as is. Paint it so it looks made of wood, with a quality of antiquity. Attach it to a base so it stands upright. Hollow out an old History book so it will accomodate the Finger Chopper. Also have a bulb from Squirt Flower filled with 'blood' on a
The Dreadful Teeny Weeny Guilloteeny
https://www.lybrary.com/tlpp/poinc/trick20.html
sponge (to absorb leakage) in the book. Give finger a little squirt of it when the chopper is returned to the book. The Bastille is made of wood, sprayed with grey paint that has light flecks in it that makes it look like granite. A slot is cut in it so finger can slide in and get Elf head on. Once lid is removed do not think of it as your hand -- it is an elf...let it behave so, struggle as you drag your finger toward the guilloteeny. The elfin giggle is a pocket tape recorder in the history book. Time the routine, run off blank tape and then record the triumphant giggle. Wear a wrist watch or have a pocket watch behind the schoolbag so a glance can let you know whether to speed up or slow down so the giggle is heard at the proper time. As for the elf head. By light of moon hide behind a garden bush with small net and butcher knife, OR...you can find fingertip puppets at just about any toy store. Suit yourself. If you can't find elf heads, trolls are fine, any odd looking little head. Truffles being very expensive I suggest you use a slice of turnip to demonstrate the chopper. Please don't use carrot --truffles are far too high class to be represented by a commoner veggie. Tch. Have fun, without it wouldn't we be a dreary bunch.
