RASCAL RANVEER
Written by Manan Maheshwari
Based on Californication
274 Tagore Nagar, Jaipur Phone Number- 8740853131
FADE IN: EXT. OUTSIDE A TEMPLE - MORNING A car drives down to the edge of the stairs of a temple. A man in his 40’s comes out of the car in a T-shirt and a jeans. Fastens his shades to his round neck and walks up the stairs in a really casual manner. It was completely deserted. On the last stair he stopped as if he forgot something. He looks down to his feet and finds that he was still wearing his sneakers. He walks down a couple stairs and lands his footgear. And again starts walking towards the main temple area. After walking a few step towards it, the man comes around a temple bell. He looks at it as if seen for the first time. He bends down a little and takes baby steps as if a ticking bomb was hanging above. After clearing the danger zone, he stands straight, takes a breath and looks back at the bell mockingly. He walks towards the structure where a godly figure statue was sitting. RANVEER Hi there. Pehele kabhi kiya nahi ye. He moves both his index fingers to and fro one pointing the statue and other himself. RANVEER (CONT’D) To mei keh raha tha ki... And a priest enters from the back door of the chamber. Ranveer knew that he was not alone there after all. RANVEER (CONT’D) (waving) Hi. PRIEST (happily) Namaskaar. Priest looks at Ranveer very thoroughly and starts talking again. PRIEST (CONT’D) Beta, koi kasth hai kya aapko? RANVEER (suprised) Aapko kaise pata? PRIEST (relaxed) You know, first timers are usually the disputed ones.
2
Ranveer was not expecting a brown coloured pie. He engulfs all the English just barfed by the priest and starts again. RANVEER (cheerlessly) Sir, aap bilkul thik keh rahe hai. Mujhe ek problem hai. Ranveer hints the priest to lean closer even after the fact that there was no one in the vicinity. RANVEER (CONT’D) Wo kya hai mere paas Gandhi ki kami hai. Priests looks at him ununderstandingly. Ranveer looks at the priest and senses that he didn’t get his utterance. So he moves his fingers and thumb so as to resemble “Money”. PRIEST Oh! Paisa waisa. Hmm... Ranveer nods. PRIEST (CONT’D) (disappointed) Lekin aap galat jagah aa gaye hai. Ye paise wale bhagawan nahi hai. Iss vishaya ke sandarbh mei aapko inki missis se milna padega. Ranveer is confused now. PRIEST (CONT’D) (pointing to the statue) Mr. Vishnu. Inki daram patni Mrs. Laxmi. Money women. Ranveer understands the priest but still didn’t looks satisfied. RANVEER Lekin sir, mujhe ye Laxmi ji milengi kaha? PRIEST Koi problem nahi. Agle nukkad pe. Are bhai ye India he. Yaha to nukkad nukkad pe bhagwaan hai. Ranveer is all satisfied now. RANVEER (humbly) Thank you sir. Ranveer starts walking back towards the stairs. Ranveer hears someone behind him.
3
PRIEST Beta. Ranveer looks behind to face the priest again. PRIEST (CONT’D) Agar sirf paise ke liye he bhagwan k paas aaye the to thik hai lekin agar... And then the nice looking priest has a Satan’s smile on his face. PRIEST (CONT’D) Pooja ke liye aaye ho to... And a smoking hot girl appears out of thin air. Ranveer was panic stricken at first but it changes as he admires the beautifulness of “Pooja”. PRIEST (CONT’D) Ya fir Archana ke liye. Another girl appears who is as beautiful as “Pooja”. PRIEST (CONT’D) Ya fir Aradhana, Prarthana, Vandana. The last girl looked familiar to Ranveer. RANVEER Simran? After hearing this, expression on all the girls’ faces changes. They all repeat the name one by one. Even the one whom he referred to as “Simran”. POOJA Ham sab iske saamne khade hai aur isko kisi Simran ki padi hai. (looks at all the girls) Nari shakti, hamala. After hearing this, all the girls starts walking towards Ranveer. Ranveer is scared and starts screaming. RANVEER Baaaachaaaoooooooo!
4
INT. RANVEER’S BEDROOM - MORNING Ranveer wakes up in his bed with a deep sigh. A girl is lying beside him. He moves out of his bed and closes the bedroom door after he is out. He walks to the kitchen under a heavy hangover. Makes a batch of coffee in his machine. RANVEER (whispering) Kon, kon?? Okay,okay, okay yaad karta hu, beach, bar aur?? GIRL (yawing) Good morning. Ranveer startles. The girl looks a lot like “Pooja” from his dream. RANVEER (confused) Morning. Coffee?? GIRL Zaroor. Ranveer takes out two mugs and fills them with the freshly prepared coffee. GIRL (CONT’D) Kal raat was raid. Meine itna maza kia. The girl takes a sip. Ranveer takes a gulp. RANVEER (trying to fake a smile) Kal raat hmmm. GIRL Thanks. Again. RANVEER (suspiciously) Kyu? GIRL (laughing) You are funny. Arre baba iss k liye. The girl shows the diamond ring to Ranveer who is as motionless as that rock. RANVEER (scared) That's awesome. Waise kitne ki thi?
5
GIRL (confused) Tum thik to ho. Aisa lag raha ho jaise tumhari tabet kharab ho. RANVEER (wispering) Tabet ka to pata nahi meri kismat zaroor kharab hai. GIRL Kya? RANVEER Nahi nahi mei bilkul theek hu. Ranveer puts his mug down and pukes in the sink. GIRL (helpfully) Tum theek nahi ho. Chalo doctor k paas chale. RANVEER Uss ki zaroorat nahi padegi. Kal raat roz se zada pee lee thi. Bas issliye. Ranveer waves his hand over the puked sink. GIRL Mujhe to laga tha tumhara perfume h. Fir bhi itni kitni pee lee thi? RANVEER Yaad nahi h? GIRL (trying to make sense of it all) Tum to mujhse milne se pehele he peye hue the. Aur tumhe pata nahi h ki tumne kitni pee hui h. Isska matlab... Girl reached a conclusion which could be seen on her face. GIRL (CONT’D) (in a shock) Isska matlab tumne wo sab kuch nashe mei kia tha. Aur ye... Girl raises her hand and shows her the ring. Ranveer shakes his head in a no. RANVEER Total blur.
6
GIRL (furious) And I thought you were in love with me. Bhagwan mere saath he aisa kyu hota h? The girl puts her mug on the counter and runs to the bedroom to get her things. Ranveer smells his coffee and starts sipping again. GIRL (O.S.) (CONT’D) (screaming) OH MY GOD! Koi kisi k saath aisa kaise kar sakta h. Mujhe laga tha you were THE ONE. But no, you were the last one. Koi aur ladka nahi. RANVEER (whispering) Happy lesbian. Girl comes out of the bedroom all dressed up and starts walking towards the entrance. RANVEER (CONT’D) (nervously) Hey! Girl turns around frowningly and gives a “What” expression. Ranveer nervously points towards the ring. Girl takes it out full of rage and clips it in her thumb and finger. GIRL Sirf ek aakhri question. Mera naam kya hai? Ranveer tries to remember and answers without a clue. RANVEER (small eyed) Cha.......m......pa. The girl filled with anger more than ever throws the ring at Ranveer and it hits him near the eyebrow. RANVEER (CONT’D) Fair enough. Should do it again sometime. The girl looks at Ranveer with utter disgust and jets for the door. Ranveer hears the door open and overhears indiscreet but familiar voices. He quickly opens the refrigerator to find the ice bag and puts it above a bit swollen head bump to hide it. Two fairer sexed humans, one tall and beautiful aged 35 and another a little girl of 15 enters the kitchen cum dining room hall.
7
Ranveer bows in front of them misplacing the ice bag from the wound which is fully visible to them. The woman points out the wound and asks with her hand. Ranveer moves his hand in “Nothing” and again puts the bag on the wound. RANVEER (CONT’D) So good morning ladies. Aaj subha k naaste mei aap kya pasand karengi, biscuit with... Ranveer turns to coffee machine and checks the level of coffee. RANVEER (CONT’D) Thodi si coffee with some... He then turns to the counter. RANVEER (CONT’D) Chane. He moves around in kitchen a little then finally settles for an empty bowl.. RANVEER (CONT’D) Khaali bowl. SIMRAN (mockingly) Do kahli bowl please. Ranveer makes a sad face. SIMRAN (CONT’D) (explaining) Ham log kha k aaye h. Sad face lengthens. The child giggles. Simran faces the child. SIMRAN (CONT’D) Bacche, acche se rehna. Zada shaitaani nahi karna. RANVEER (childishly) Mummi, Sara bohot hoshiyaar hai. (Ranveer like) Jaao bacche apna saamaan apne room mei rakh do. Sara goes into her room to keep her belongings. Simran walks past Ranveer with a bagful of vegetables. While keeping the bag in the refrigerator. SIMRAN Kuch sabjiya layi hu. Mujhe laga tumhare kami hogi.
8
RANVEER (animated) Tumhe aaj bhi meri parvah hai. Mujhse aaj bhi pyaar karti ho na. SIMRAN (frowning) Ye meine tumhare liye nahi, Sara k liye kiya hai. Usse saptah mei ek din milta hai tumhare saat aur tum aisa kuch na kuch kar he dete ho jo tumhe uss ki nigha mei gira deta hai. Bhale he hum mei kitni bhi problems ho par tum hamesha ek acche pita the. Usse haath se mat jane do. RANVEER (apologetically) I’ll try my best. Issi baat pe ek hi-five. And Ranveer raises his free hand up in the air. No reaction from Simran. RANVEER (CONT’D) Isse khaali haat nahi choda karte. You know, upshagun and all. Mei mar bhi sakta hu. Simran without wasting any moment turns away. Ranveer disappointed puts his hand back where it came from. As Simran was walking, she steps on the ring. SIMRAN (clueless) Ye kya hai? Ranveer completely forgets about the ring and starts to think of an explanation while she bends down to pick it. RANVEER Oh, tumhe meri ring mil gayi. Thankyou so much. Ranveer quickly puts the ice bag down and snatches the ring from Simran, struggling to wear it but finally does. RANVEER (CONT’D) Ati sunder. SIMRAN Ye tumhari ring hai. RANVEER Kyu? Ye meri ring nahi ho sakti.
9
SIMRAN Duh-ah. Nahi, kyuki ye ladies ring hai. RANVEER Aisa kis ne kaha? Issne. Ranveer puts his wrist up. RANVEER (CONT’D) Aur agar ho bhi to kya? Isse kya pata aadmi hai ya aurat. Isse to insaan ki shobha badhani hai, aur ye meri utchya koti ki shobha ko utchyatam koti tak badha raha hai. SIMRAN (fed up) Mei tumse behes bhi nahi karna chahati. Aur mujhe kya tum sari pehen k bazaar jao. I don’t care! RANVEER (thoughtfully) That’s right. So tum ye keha rahi ho ki tumhe koi problem nahi hogi agar mei sari pehen k bazaar jau. Simran gestures “Whatever”. RANVEER (CONT’D) (imagining) Gotta try it sometime. Simran hits him on the arm and sees the wound on Ranveer’s forehead. SIMRAN (rudely) AAO, band-aid laga du. RANVEER You still love me. YES! Simran denies and walks to the bathroom and Ranveer follows. He sits on the commode while she band-aids his wound. SIMRAN Please Ranveer, iss bar koi drama nahi. Tum uske dad ho. Grow up. Simran lightly slaps Ranveer after mending the wound and walks out. RANVEER (to himself) Ab mei yaha aa he gaya hu to kuch kar he dikhau.
10
Ranveer takes a piss and comes out after flushing the toilet. Simran is talking to Sara. SIMRAN Mei shaam ko lene aa jaungi. Thik hai. SARA Bye Mom. Aap chinta mat karo, ham acche se rehenge. Simran smiles at Sara. RANVEER (baby like) Itni jaldi jaa rahi ho. SIMRAN Jana padega. Zaroori kaam hai. RANVEER (sarcastically) Naye boyfriend DON se saath shopping hmm aur uske baad parlor bhi jana hoga, nails and all. Simran ignores the comment. SIMRAN (to Ranveer) Mujhe pata hai ye kehne ka koi matlab he nahi hai k Sara ka khayal rakhna jabki mujhe bohot acche se pata hai k ye tumhara khayal zada acchi tarah rakhegi. Simran takes her bag. SIMRAN (CONT’D) Aur ha ghar mei he kuch khane ka bana lena. BAHAR KHANE MAT JANA. Got it. Ranveer gives a thumbs up. Simran faces Sara. SIMRAN (CONT’D) Bye baby. Simran kisses Sara. Ranveer leans forward with his face turned laterally. RANVEER Meri kiss. Simran walks out without looking back. Sara pulls down Ranveer by his neck and kiss him on the cheek.
11
RANVEER (CONT’D) Arre arre itna meetha nahi, mujhe diabetes ho gayi to. EXT. ROADSIDE - AFTERNOON RANVEER Bhaiya, do burger. The vendor hands over two burgers and takes the money. Ranveer walks to Sara and hands over her share of the burger. SARA Father. RANVEER Daughter. SARA Aapko yaad hai na mom ne kya kaha tha. RANVEER Kya, k mei kitna awesome hu. Baby ye to sabko pata hai. SARA Aapko pata hai mei kis cheez ki baat kar rahi hu. RANVEER Ha, mujhe pata hai. Meine aisa issliye kia kyuki abhi to mei tumhe kam se kam week mei ek baar to milta hu. Mujhe dar lagta hai k agar mere haat ka khana kha liya to shayad pure saal na mil pau. Wo dikh raha h... Ranveer points towards a rock. SARA Kya, wo patthar. RANVEER Ha, mere khane ka taste bilkul waisa he hota hai. Lekin agar fir bhi tumhe mere haath ka khana khane ka mann hai to kal mei tumhe bhata roti aur mitti ki sabji khila sakta hu. I don’t mind. SARA Dad kabhi to serious ho jao. RANVEER OK, serious mode on.
12
SARA So aaj subha aapki nayi girlfriend se mili. Kafi gusse mei thi. RANVEER (surprised) Kon Champa, acchi ladki hai lekin girlfriend nahi. We're friends. Mere baare mei bohot hua. Tumhari school kaise chal rahi hai? SARA (exhausted) You know school. Same old, same old. RANVEER Waise Miss Malini kaise hai? SARA Aapko unko kaise jaaante ho? RANVEER (winking) We're friends. Parents meeting aur unsabki wajah se. SARA (bluntly) Is she going to be your new girlfriend? RANVEER No. Ham utne bhi acche friends nahi hai. SARA Right. To aap kitne acche friends ho? Ranveer finds it a little fishy all these interrogative questions and reaches the deepest, darkest wish of every student. RANVEER Itni to hai ki wo tumhare saath saath tumhare friends ke bhi number bada de. Sara giggles and takes a bite from her burger. INT. RANVEER’S HOUSE - NIGHT Ranveer is sleeping on the couch. As Sara is blanketing his sleeping father, Simran comes in.
13
SARA Please, dad ko zada mat daatna. SIMRAN Thik hai, zada nahi. Baby, apna saaman le aao. Sara goes inside her room to get her things. Simran takes off the blanket of Ranveer and wakes him up with a furious face. RANVEER Mujhe ye look pata hai. Ab meine kya kia? SIMRAN Meine jab bola tha k bahar khana mat kilana fir tumne usse kyu khilaya? RANVEER Usne batadiya. Simran nods with her eyebrows up. RANVEER (CONT’D) Kya ho gaya. Bas ek burger he to tha. SIMRAN (raging) Mei uski sehat ka itna dhyan rakhti hu aur tum ek he din mei... Don sahi he kehta hai. Mujhe bachi hui custody bhi le leni chahia. They both starts walking towards the kitchen a little away so Sara couldn’t hear them fight. RANVEER Oh! Ab meri khud ki beti se milne k liye mujhe tumhare naye boyfriend Don ki permission leni padegi. Hmm... SIMRAN Shh... Don’t start. RANVEER Ye tum he ne chalu kia tha jab tumne mujh pe cheat kia apne naye boyfriend DON se saath. Hey, nahi saat mere tha.
SIMRAN hey meine tumpe kabhi cheat kia. OK. Mei tab tak Don k nahi thi jab tak tumhare aur beech sab khatam nahi ho gaya
14
RANVEER Jaise ye sunke mujhe bohot accha laga ho. Both are silent for a couple of seconds. SIMRAN (disappointed) In sab mei sabse bura ye hai k tum likh nahi rahe ho. Tumhare paas ye itna rare gift hai jo sabke paas nahi hota aur tum kya kar rahe ho, flushing it down the toilet. RANVEER (ashamed) Tum sahi ho. Tum ek dum sahi ho. Mei abhi apne life mei sabse low point pe hu aur mujhe madad ki zaroorat hai. Mujhe tumhari zaroorat hai. Ranveer leans forward to hug Simran who resists his advance. SIMRAN (speedily) Ranveer, Ranveer, Don ne mujhe propose kia aur meine ha kar de. Ranveer stands still straight. RANVEER What? SIMRAN (steadily) Don ne poocha aur meine ha kar di. RANVEER (shocked) Kyu? Tum aisa kyu karogi? Kyu? Kyu? SIMRAN Kyuki mei usse pyaar karti hu. RANVEER Nahi. SIMRAN Ha. RANVEER Nahi. SIMRAN Ha. Aur tumhe kya pata?
15
RANVEER Mujhe pata hai kyuki mei tumhe jaanta hu. Wo aadmi tumhare liye nahi hai. Mei bhale he abhi kaisi bhi halat mei hu lekin mei hamesha ye baat aankh band kar k keh sakta hu ki wo aadmi tumhare liye nahi hai. (taking his breath back) Mei tumhari ye rai badalne k liye kya kar sakta hu? SIMRAN Kuch nahi. Kuch bhi nahi. RANVEER Please kuch to hoga. Ha yaad aaya. Wo to Christian hai na. Tumhare ghar wale nahi maanenge. Ranveer moves his fist in a win. SIMRAN Mere ghar walo ne bina apni shaadi k Sara ko apnaya tha. Ye to uske saamne kuch bhi nahi hai. Ranveer opens his mouth to counter her solid argument but no words come out. Meanwhile, Sara comes in the kitchen with a bag on her shoulder. RANVEER (to Sara) Ready. Sara nods. RANVEER (CONT’D) Maharani ji, Rani ji ready hai. Apni ghoda gadi par baith rajmahal ki ore prasthan ki jiye. Simran walks to Sara. Takes the bag from her. SIMRAN Dad ko bye kar do. SARA Bye Dad. Bohot maza aaya aaj. RANVEER (walking towards Sara) Ditto baby. Ranveer kisses Sara on the forehead and then both the ladies walk out of Ranveer’s house. Ranveer is all alone in his house with a sadness dripping from his face.
16
EXT. FRONT OF THEATER - NIGHT Ranveer is standing in front of the theater thinking if he should go watch the movie that was adapted from a book which also he wrote. He finally buys a ticket and enters the premises. INT. THEATER HALL NIGHT The theater hall is lightly packed. Ranveer is sitting, watching the movie when a phone rings and the guy sitting two rows ahead of him answers it. GUY (on the phone) What’s up baby. Aur kya chal raha hai? Kya naya purana? RANVEER Bhai, yaar baad mei he baat kar lena. The guy show Ranveer to wait and keeps on talking. GUY (surprised) Kya, fir kya hua? Nahi. Angry Ranveer stands up and takes the phone from the guy. RANVEER (on the phone) Hey girl. Jis jaahil aadmi ko tum phone kari ho, wo JAAHIL aadmi tumse movie k baad baat karega. Love you. Ranveer makes smooches and hangs up the phone and returns it to the guy. GUY (angrily) Phone ko haath nahi lagana. As soon as the guy sits back in his seat the phone rings again. RANVEER (warning) Mat uthana. The guy picks the phone again. GUY Kuch nahi baby, koi aadmi apne aapko Salman Khan samajh raha hai.
17
Ranveer again takes the phone. He provokes the guy to take it back but when he does Ranveer smashes it on the wall. People in the back giggles a little and the wrestling starts between the two. After a few hits Ranveer comes on top. Lights of the theater turns on. Ranveer bows to the audience. The audience applauds. EXT. SOMEWHERE IN THE MARKET - NIGHT Ranveer was walking in the market alone when he came across a book shop. He enters the shop and starts wandering through the store. After a few minutes of exploring with no purpose, he come across Chetan Bhagat’s “TWO STATES”. RANVEER (disgustedly) YUCK! Ranveer puts the book down and starts again to find himself standing next to his photograph. RANVEER (CONT’D) (to his photograph) Ab ye hui na koi baat. Finally koi accha writer. A bunch of his book “HELP ME HELP YOU” lay near his photograph. He takes a book from the bunch and starts flipping through the pages. As he turns the first few pages, Ranveer hears a girl giggle. He looks at her and finds that she was reading his book. For a second she look up at Ranveer. She doesn’t recognizes him at once but after turning to the last page of the book she realizes who he is. She stands and walks up to Ranveer. ROSE (mockingly) Meine aapko kahi dekha hai? RANVEER (gloating) Ho sakta hai. Mei kafi famous hu. As Ranveer is pointing towards his photograph, Rose starts speaking. ROSE (big eyed) Oh! Yaad aaya, pagal khane se bhagne wale aap he the na. Paper mei kafi badi photo aayi thi. RANVEER (retard like) My name is Khan. And I’m not a terrorist.
18
Rose laughs really hard. RANVEER (CONT’D) Hamare poorvajo ne sahi kaha hai. ROSE Kya? RANVEER Hasi matlab phasi. Now both are smiling at each other. Rose smiles a bit shyly but Ranveer is confident. EXT. OUTSIDE SIMRAN’S HOUSE - NIGHT Ranveer’s car turns the corner of the street and stops in front of a huge looking house and honks his horn. Simran comes out of the house furiously with a tiny bit watery eyes. She steps in the car. RANVEER Kya zaroori kaam aa gaya ke mujhe itni important meeting chod ke aani padi. (mockingly) Well, meeting ka sabse important part to khatam ho he gaya tha. SIMRAN Sara. RANVEER (concerned) Sara kya? SIMRAN Sara apne dosto ke saath iss party mei gai thi. Uske dost ne phone kiya ke wo kisi problem mei hai. Without listening another word Ranveer drives the car. EXT. OUTSIDE PARTY HOUSE - NIGHT They reach another rich house with loud noise of death metal coming from inside. They both run inside and find a lot of drunk kids dancing and walking and talking, mostly in couples. They walk up to the backyard and see Sara standing by the pool with to a boy. He hands her a filled glass of “YOU KNOW WHAT”. Ranveer quickly run towards them and gives the glass a push to the ground. The drink spills on the earth. Ranveer grabs Sara’s hand and forcefully drags her out of the party.
19
EXT. OUTSIDE SIMRAN’S HOUSE - NIGHT Sara gets out of the car, smashes the car door very hard. Walks raging towards the house door and does the same to it. Simran walks out of the car and turns to Ranveer. SIMRAN Thanks Ranveer. Agar tum nahi hote to aaj mei kuch nahi kar pati. RANVEER (winking) Anytime bro. Waise, tumne mujhe kyu phone kiya? Don? SIMRAN Office ke kaam se Hyderabad gaya hai. RANVEER Perfect timing. SIMRAN Mei ander invite karti lekin Sara abhi bohot gusse mei hai. RANVEER I understand. Kal? Simran nods. Ranveer smiles and then leaves. INT. RANVEER’S HOME - MIDNIGHT Keys clatter and door opens. Ranveer enters the house and switch on the lights and slowly walks to the dining area. He spots the red box lying still on the table. Pulls out the nearest chair and sits. He slowly drags the box to himself and opens it to find the misfortune ring. A dull smile cracks from the side of his mouth. Closes the box, stands up and walks to the bedroom wardrobe. Hoping to use again, Ranveer keeps it in a safe place. Tired from a long day, he falls in the bed without even changing. INT. RANVEER’S HOME BEDROOM - MORNING Ranveer wakes up with a phone call. RANVEER (disturbingly) Hello! Inaudible sounds comes from the phone. Ranveer responds with just the Hmm’s and OKs very sleepily. Then he hangs up the phone and go back to bed. He forces himself up on his hands and instead of getting out of the bed, he falls out of bed.
20
INT. CLASSROOM - NOON Ranveer is sitting in one of the classrooms which is empty except for one familiar face, Simran. Ranveer didn’t even took a bath. That can clearly be seen just by looking at him once. SIMRAN (angerily) Ghar mei pani khatam ho gaya tha? RANVEER (carelessly) Kya? Mera naya look hai. The teacher enters the class. RANVEER (CONT’D) (whispering) Kabhi to meri kisi nayi cheez ko appreciate kar diya karo. TEACHER (walking) Good Afternoon. The teacher puts her book on the table and stands in front of the two. She gives a weird look when she sees Ranveer’s “NEW LOOK”. RANVEER (trying to convince) Naya look miss. Teacher copes up and get to the point. TEACHER Do you know why you were called here today? SIMRAN (confused) Phone pe aap ne kaha ke it was something about Sara. RANVEER (interfering) Mere ko bhi. TEACHER You know she is one of the best students of the class. Lekin pichale kuch dino se usme kafi change aaya hai. Wo class mei dhyan nahi deti. She’s falling down.
21
SIMRAN I totally understand. Kal raat he mei aur Sara ke papa usse ek Bollywood party se utha ke laye the. She was about to drink. TEACHER I think mujhe uski problem samajh aa rahi hai. Simran is dead serious at this point whereas Ranveer is still not there yet. TEACHER (CONT’D) I think wo apni family ko miss kar rahi hai. Are you together? Simran shakes her head in no while Ranveer nods. The teacher is baffled. Simran sees the look on teacher’s face and turns to find Ranveer’s new act. SIMRAN (confirming) No miss, we are not together. Ranveer is disappointed. TEACHER Mei yahi keh rahi thi ki wo apni family miss kar rahi hai. She wants you both together. RANVEER Pata nahi meine ye baat isse kitni baar kahi hai. Hame saath mei rehna chahia par nahi... (mimicking) Mei to apne naye boyfriend DON ke saath he rahungi. TEACHER I get it why you two are not together. And gives Ranveer a grim look. Ranveer settles down his emotions. TEACHER (CONT’D) Wo aap dono ko saath mei miss karti hai. Agar aap dono ikhate uske saath time spend karoge to shayad kuch ho jaye. SIMRAN I’ll try my best miss. Thank you.
22
Teacher stands and so does Simran. Ranveer is still sitting wondering. After two fake coughs by Simran, Ranveer comes to his senses. RANVEER Thank you miss. They start walking towards the door. RANVEER (CONT’D) To miss ki baat ka dhayn rakhna. OK. Mei aaj raat Sara se milne aunga. Mission Sara ko thik karo aaj se lagu. INT. BAR - NIGHT Ranveer and a bald man are sitting on a bar counter having their drinks. They both are talking a bit loudly as a mild volumed song is being played in the background. The bald man laughs. VINOD Kya? Champa. Aaj kal to koi ‘ho bhi apna naam Champa nahi rakhti. Pagal he hai tu. RANVEER To mei kya karta yaar. Mujhe uss kaat ka kuch bhi yaad he nahi tha. Ab kuch to kehna he tha. They both laugh a bit and Ranveer starts again. RANVEER (CONT’D) (in tone) Agent Vinod. VINOD Yaar, ye naam kabhi purana nahi hoga kya? Mujhe tujhse ye umeed nahi thi. Tu to nayepan ka devta hai. RANVEER Kuch naya chahia tujhe. OK, to VINOD KHOD kaisa rahega. VINOD (chuckling) Vinod Khod, bhai kya khodu, teri kabra. RANVEER Nahi nahi, meri nahi. Teri khud ki. Mei itne din se bina kaam baita hu. Bhai, mujhe kaam chahia. (MORE)
23 RANVEER (CONT'D) Bina kaam mei pagalo ki tarah roz kisi nayi Champa se milunga, roz befaltu he apni khoon pasine ki kamai un pe lutaunga. Kis kaam ka Agent hai tu.
VINOD Bas bas, nikal gayi bhadaas saari. Meine issilye tujhe yaha bulaya hai kyuki tere liye mere paas ek shandaar bemisaal OFFER aaya hai. RANVEER Ab kari na agento wali baat. Ab bata bhi de. VINOD Mumbai Masala naam ki magazine ke baare mei suna hai tune? Ranveer denies. VINOD (CONT’D) Well, ye Mumbai ki sabse famous gossip magazine hai. Iski website pe tujhe ek blog diya jayega. Vinod is expecting a load of excitement from Ranveer and Ranveer lets him down harshly. RANVEER Lagta hai mere kaan kharab ho gaye hai. Tune abhi abhi kya bola? Blog? VINOD Mujhe pata hai ye kaam tere normal kaam se thoda neeche hai. Bas. RANVEER (bitterly) Thoda neeche. Thoda neeche. Mei 400 page ki novel likhta hu aur tu mujhe 100 words ka “blog” pakada raha hai. VINOD (trying to hold it in) OK, OK. Ab mere paas kuch nahi bacha hai tera iss ego ko hurt karne ke sivya. Tu abhi kisi novel pe kaam kar raha hai kya? Ranveer was not expecting a blow back here. He shyly picks up his drink and turn his head in a negative from behind his glass. VINOD (CONT’D) Kisi short story pe?
24
Same response from Ranveer. VINOD (CONT’D) Kisi poem pe. Ranveer feels humiliated. RANVEER (trying to end this abasement) I get your point. Thik hai. Mei kar lunga ye kaam. VINOD Mei ye sab karna nahi chahata tha lekin sirf teri wajah se mujhe ye karna pad gaya. Vinod digs into his coat pocket and comes out with a visiting card in his fist. VINOD (CONT’D) Mrs. Kapoor. OK. Mrs. not miss, not mr. But Mrs. OK. Hame ek aur Bollywood kaand nahi chahie hamre sar. Okay. Koi bhi problem ho kaam ko leke, issi se contact karna. Ek baar kal isse in person mil lena. RANVEER Thik hai mere ujade chaman. And pats his bald head. VINOD Aur ek suprise hai tere liye. RANVEER (mockingly) Aaj mera birthday hai kya? Mei iss saal bhi apna birthday bhool gaya. I’m so selfless. VINOD Sab ko pata hai tu kitna “Selfless” hai. Surprise janana hai? Ranveer nods vigorously. VINOD (CONT’D) Tu hamesha apne liye galat ladki chunta hai issliye meine aur Kaamini ne milke tere liye ladki dhoondi hai.
25
RANVEER Blind Date? Ye surprise nahi nightmare hai. Kab hai ye blind date. VINOD Abhi. And Vinod puts his waving hand in the air. Ranveer turns to see two women coming towards them. Vinod stands and hugs the shorter one. VINOD (CONT’D) Hi babe. Vinod introduces the left ones. VINOD (CONT’D) Ranveer, Laxmi. Laxmi, Ranveer. Ranveer replies with a smile and a nod. INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT The two couples are sitting at a table for four. Eating some food with a glass of red wine for each one. Kaamini starts the conversation trying to break the ice. KAAMINI Laxmi lawyer hai. She’s good too. Ran, agar kabhi bhi jail chale jao to Laxmi bohot kaam ki cheez hai. LAXMI Mei thik thak hu. Zada kuch khaas nahi. KAAMINI Bullshit. LAXMI Mere baare mei bohot hua. Ranveer, big fan. HELP ME HELP YOU, thumb’s up. VINOD Ye he nahi, iss book pe movie banayi gayi, “TUM AUR MEIN”. Laxmi seems really excited to hear this. LAXMI Sharukh, Katrina. Kise pasand nahi aayegi wo movie. You must be proud.
26
RANVEER (dryly) Bohot zada. And drags a mouthful of wine in his piehole. Everything settles down after a few moments. Kaamini kicks Ranveer under the table and gives him a look. RANVEER (CONT’D) So, Laxmi. Apne baare mei kuch batao. LAXMI Issme maza kaha hai. Tum writer ho. Right? Mere baare mei kuch tum he kyu nahi batate. RANVEER Sure. OK. Tum paida hui U.P.? Right U.P. mei. Typical Indian family, papa hard working, mummi housewife. Paiso ki kami. Tum padne mei kafi acchi thi, tumhe acchi college mili. College mei ek boyfriend tha jisne tumse breakup kiya kyuki tum shaadi karna chahati thi aur wo nahi. Tab se tumhari problems chalu hui. Tumhara pyaar se vishwaas uth gaya. Tumhara naya pyaar paisa ban gaya. Tum puri tarah se kaam mei lag gayi. You became mean. Log tumhe pasand nahi karte hai. Issiliye tumhare kafi breakup bhi huye. You are a workaholic and a mean woman. Worst kind of woman. Laxmi is all red. She is bursting up inside and it comes out with her glass of wine on Ranveer. She splashes her drink on Ranveer’s face and walks away. VINOD (curiously) Kaise karta hai tu ye? Matlab, ek se badkar ek bekaar ladki ko tu duniya bhar ghuma sakta hai lekin ek acchi ladki tujhse bardasth nahi hui. KAAMINI Kitna waqt laga hame ye ladki dhoondane mei aur tumne pehele 15 minute mei sab khichadi kar ki. Ranveer looks at his watch.
27
RANVEER Oh, perfect timing. Mere paas ab bhi meri beti se milne ka time hai. Yes. Vinod and Kaamini both are confused. They are staring at Ranveer like he has just bombed the restaurant table. RANVEER (CONT’D) Or bill tumhara hai. Thanks for the night guys. And just walk out the restaurant. EXT. OUTSIDE SIMRAN’S HOUSE - NIGHT Ranveer parks his car outside Simran’s mammoth house. He gets out of the car, walks to the door and rings the bell. Simran answers the door. SIMRAN Wo bas abhi abhi soyi hai. RANVEER Mei usse utha du. Please. SIMRAN Kal school hai aur usse ek presentation bhi dena hai. Mei to kahungi usse sone do. RANVEER Tumne kaha to mei kon hota hu kuch karne wala. SIMRAN Ander aana chahoge. Ranveer dashes inside the house. INT. SIMRAN’S HOUSE - NIGHT Both Ranveer and Simran are sitting at the bar of the house. She pours out two glass of drink, gives one to Ranveer and takes the other. RANVEER Meine galat to nahi kiya na? SIMRAN Kya? RANVEER Usse iss tarah se party se khich ke lana.
28
SIMRAN Na. Ye bhi hona he tha. Teenager in Bollywood town hmm... Apna kaam badh jata hai. RANVEER Mujhe khushi hui ki tumne mujhe phone kiya. SIMRAN Sara tumhari bhi beti hai. Tumhara haq banta hai. Sara ko kuch nahi ho ye apni responsibility hai. Akale meri nahi. Tum hamesha uske dad rahoge chahe ham saath rahe na rahe. RANVEER Aur kya ham kabhi saath rahenge? SIMRAN (refusing) Mei Don aur uski beti se bohot pyaar karti hu. RANVEER Don ki beti? SIMRAN Meine bataya nahi kya? Don ki beti hai. 17 saal ki. Good kid. RANVEER Don ki beti hmmm... Ye kehte hue mujhe accha to nahi lag raha lekin kafi hamdardi ho rahi hai mujhe Don se. At that moment, the door opens and a girl walks in. Ranveer stands up really quickly as if hit but thunderbolt. He is frozen. Can’t even move a muscle. Its the girl from the bookstore. ROSE Hey! SIMRAN (to Ranveer) Ye hai Rose, Don ki beti. RANVEER (stammering) Ye Don ki beti hai. His insides are boiling and gonna burst out anytime. SIMRAN Tum dono ek dusre ko jaante ho?
29
RANVEER (nervously) Nah! Nahi.....nahi. ROSE Meine shayad aapko pehele kahi dekha hai. Ranveer denies it. ROSE (CONT’D) Oh ha...aapki book se. Last page pe aapki photo hai. RANVEER Oh! Ranveer takes a breath in after a lifetime. ROSE Mujhe kafi homework karna hai. Mujhe chalna chahia. Bye. Rose leaves torn up Ranveer with Simran. RANVEER (trying to sound casual) Waise Rose kitne saal ki hogi? SIMRAN 17 ki hogi. Kyu? RANVEER Bas yuhi. Mujhe lagta hai mujhe chalna chahia. Bye. EXT. OUTSIDE SIMRAN’S HOUSE - NIGHT Ranveer was out of breath and drunk on his life. He couldn’t think of what just happened in there. He stood there, leaning on his car wanting for his life to end right there. FADE OUT:
