ADVANCE ENGLISHGRAMMAR AND COMPOSITION
COLLEGE RESEARCH PAPER: THE PRIMARY CAUSES AND EFFECTS OF BOYFRIEND-GIRLFRIEND RELATIONSHIP AMONG THE FILIPINO TEENAGERS
RESEARCHERS: SEM. JOHN JOSEPH N. DALADAR AND SEM. JERALD M. JIMENEZ
PROFESSOR: REV. FR. MICHAEL SANDALO, CRSP
CHAPTER I Introduction Introduction and Background Have you ever experienced having a boyfriend or a girlfriend relationship with others? How about having experienced it during the early days of your adolescence? Quiet weird right? In the present time especially in the Philippines, young people starting from age of ten to seventeen are engage to mutual relationship with opposite sex. This usually happens especially in high school life. Obviously, they immediately enter to an early courtship that unknowinglyit is basedmerely on infatuation. Almost all of them thought that the way they feel for their opposite sex is already a mature love but the truth is they are only experiencing infatuation to their opposite sex due to their physical attractions. While some have this kind of experience due to their deeper friendship with their opposite sex. Almost all of the Filipino teenagers nowadays are already in the state of mutual relationship with their opposite sex due to their uncontrolled feelingswith one another. Young men think that they are not men without having girlfriends, while young ladies even think that they are not ladies without having a relationship with men. According to Headspace1 “Romantic relationships are a common topic of conversation, a significant source of preoccupation and rumination, and a major cause of strong emotions in adolescence. Some researchers have argued that they should be recognized as the single greatest source of strong emotions in adolescents’ lives. Adolescents say that romantic relationships and experiences – whether real, potential or
1 A National Youth Mental Foundation who organizes for the psychological tests at Australia.
fantasized – account for many of their strong emotions both positive (e.g., excitement, happiness), and negative (e.g. jealousy, anger, distress)”2 The researchers of this college research paper have also undergone this kind of experience during their high school days where both of them were also attracted to their opposite sex. One of the researchers had entered a mutual relationship with his opposite sex while the other one had experience to love his opposite sex in the mutual feeling. Both of them have experienced the positive and negative causes and effects of this mutual feeling or relationship with their opposite sex. Because of this experience, the researchers have made up their mind agreed to search for the deeper concerns that are related with this research paper, also the primary causes and effects of mutual relationship among the Filipino teenagers in which it includes giving some advantages of having an early relationship and also giving the disadvantages of early boyfriend-girlfriend relationship in order to avoid the negative effects of this kind of relationship and to strengthen the positive impacts of this among Filipino teenagers. Just a short information and background in having this research paper is that even one of the researchers of this research paper was happily enjoyed of having a relationship with his exgirlfriend because in having a relationship with an opposite sex. Truly it gives joy to the hearts of Filipino teenagers especially during the teen-agers’ high-school life. According to one of the researchers of this college research paper, “A mutual relationship with the opposite sex signified a deeper and stronger friendship.” While the other researcher may not have experienced of having mutual relationship with other yet, he too had mutual feeling toward his opposite sex. Like the other Filipino teenagers, he too has its own mutual understanding with his opposite sex.
2http://www.headspace.org.
Like the other Filipino teenagers, both of the researchers also found joy in having mutual understanding or relationship with their opposite sex. For them, it is an inspiration in studies and in good works in day to day life. For them, having a mutual relationship with their opposite sex made them feel that they are already in heaven because being with the persons, they love give them idea about the joy in heaven. It is truly give joy and hope for the Filipino teenagers about their future spouse yet like the others, they do not end in happy ending for they only let their emotions take control of them that someday it will be big mistake for them. Like the others, the researchers also end their mutual relationship or mutual understanding with their opposite sex in break-up with lessons in life. Therefore, through the help of their experiences, the researchers are fitted and they could give a lot of insights and ideas that will help them by giving some information for the benefit and common good for this research paper. Purpose of the Study The purposes of the study of our college research paper are the following: The first purpose is to inform other people especially the high school students and even the neophytes of the college students of this present time that concerns of early boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. The Second purpose is to enlighten the minds of the teenagers. To enlighten in the sense that on what are the truths and the events that is really happening on this kind of relationship, because some people who are in the stage of curiosity specifically for the teenagers do not know what is going on in this kind of relationship, and so they will try or merely ‘experiment’ for the sake of being curious. This college research paper may help to reduce the increasing number of teenagers being curious and regret at the effects on what is happening, especially at the end.
The third purpose is to give some reminders about having this relationship about advantages or the good sides and the disadvantagesof an early boyfriend-girlfriend relationship among Filipino teenagers. In which it may help those people who are planning to get involve with this kind of an early mutual relationship, and/or those people who are involve in this kind of relationship, and/or alsofor the people who have already encountered this kind of an early mutual relationship. Lastly, the fourth purpose of this study or research is to become a guideline for the people who gets interested or have a feeling for having an early boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, in which the researchers will help what is proper or correct for this concept of this kind relationship. Statement of the Problem The different problems of an early boyfriend-girlfriend relationship in teenagers are the following: The first question is “What are the primary or common causes and effects on having an early relationship in teenagers?” The second problem is “Why this kind of relationship hasan abnormal increase of number among the teenagers in this present time?” The third tricky question is this, “Why is it a lot of the teenagers at this present have a mutual relationship with an opposite sex even they are still very young? And why is it so very early in having a boyfriend or girlfriend in the teenagers in this present time?” The fourth question is, “Who are the responsible persons who are getting involved with this kind of relationship?” The fifth question is,“Why is it that these people who are aware or have ideas of early boyfriend-girlfriend relationship among Filipino teenagers are still continuing
to have a relationship on the early years of adolescent hood?” Since technology has one of the greatest impact or reasons in this kind of an early relationship, the researchers imposed this sixth question, “What are the effects of technology in an early boyfriend-girlfriend relationship among Filipino teenagers? Are they helpful or bad instruments for Filipino teenagers?” Lastly, the seventh question is, “Why is it that most of the Filipino teenagers who already knew the bad effects of entering an early mutual relationship with their opposite sex, why is it they still continuing on having this kind of early relationship?”
Scope and Limitation of the Study The researchers have made their decision and also an idea to base their research paper on their experience or the experiences of others especially for those people who are still in this kind of relationship and still continues, and also to those people who have undergone this event in their early adolescent stage of life. In order to have a balance presentation and good information the researchers will also refer to the books, magazines and reports of the different organizations that pertain on this concept the researchers are dealing with. They will also interview a psychology who can help the researchers for this college research paper. Therefore, the researchers will scope only for the references or people even our experience which is related on the research being made of. The age brackets of the people concerned in this college research paper are those who are stage from ten years old to seventeen years old. So, the neophytes of college students are also
included because obviously most of the neophytes are in the age of seventeen and most of them have late maturity in their adolescent age. Obviously the researchers have decided to focus more on the early boyfriend-girlfriend relationship of Filipino teenagers obviously here in the Philippines, in which this country has known of having a lot of Filipino teenagers who entered an early boyfriend-girlfriend relationshipwith their opposite sex. Review of Related Literature 1. An Introduction to Social Psychology. (3rdEdition) -The authors of this book are: Lindegren, Henry Clay, and John H. Harvey. This book can help the researchers to know, get good informationand to know and refer the side of Social Psychology that pertains and concerns our college research paper.
2. Introduction to Psychology. (3rd Edition) -The author of this informative book is Linda L. Davidoff. This book can make our statements and information stronger through the side of the clinical or general introduction to psychology.It can help the researchers the side of this college research paper based from this book.
3. The Development of Romantic Relationships in Adolescence. -The authors of this book are the following: Wyndol Furman, B. Bradford Brown, and Candice Feiring. Obviously, this book states some facts and information related to the topic of development of romantic relationship in adolescence just as the title has already stated. This book shows the different stages of the mutual relationship among the adolescent.
4. Adolescent Romantic Relationships – Why are they important? And should they be encouraged or avoided? -It is a pdf file and obviously this source is found in the internet. The organization who published and shows the information of this related concept to the romantic relationship among the adolescent is the Headspace-National Youth Mental Health Foundation. This organization will find at the country of Australia.
CHAPTER II The Causes What are the causes of having an early boyfriend-girlfriend relationship among the teenagers? The researchers found some answers for this question, and they are:
Physical attractiveness “Common sense tells us that appearance is the greatest basis for attraction between strangers and, indeed, that it is necessary to maintain appearances if attraction is to result in a lasting positive relationship. In fact, in everyday language, the term ‘Attractiveness’ has reference to surface aspect of a person that is physical at attractiveness.”3
Similarities attract “There is a second basis for social of attraction that is our tendency to be attracted to those who are similar to us. Social status seems to be one of the dimensions for, which similarity is important. Similarities attract has direct reinforcement, support of self-esteem or comport of teenagers, attribution of benevolence or
compatibility, and confounding of teenage similarity that is being like by them.”4 Communication via technology Nowadays, especially in the Philippines, they have applied the modern technology of the West. It is popularly known as ‘Social interaction’. The term ‘Social
3Lindegren, Henry Clay, Harvey, John H. An Introduction to Social Psychology. (3rd Ed.) St. Louis, Missouri 63141: C.V. Mosby Company, 1981., page 54
4Ibid., page 58
interaction’ being referred here is through means of modern technological gadgets and concepts like texting through means of cellphones, online surfing and online chatting by means social communication in the website examples are: Facebook, twitter, etc. They are using these modern technological concepts and technologies because it makes different people have a strong communications with each other. Through the use of communicable technologies or aspect, it makes the Filipino teenagers can build not only easiest way of communication and good relationship
but also having an easiest way in having a courtship with the opposite sex. Strong Admiration to the opposite sex If a certain person does not have an admiration or ‘Crush’ that the people usually calls it, he or she is not a real human being. In the present time, mostly theelementary and also high school students have already this kind of this strong admiration with their fellow students or friends butthis is not yet called ‘real love’. Strong admiration is one of the greatest foundation and reason on why do the teenagers will enter in an early boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. Because the teenagers have stillan immature of thinking what mutual love is, they may have
the feeling that is not totally love but mostpeople are calling it as infatuation. Books, movies, and songs about love Literary works, film movies, and music are the most influential concept that it is made for the people, especially for the Filipinos. How about when these concepts is made and connected into love? Most of the Filipino teenagers like reading romantic books or novels or going out for romantic movies or listening to the latest and even the oldest love song. Other people are saying it that it is part of the Filipino’s culture, and also it is already their passion. Filipino teenagers like reading love stories or watching love stories and listening because there is a great
impact for the Filipino especially the teenagers because they can connect it on their situational life (e.g. “That is my favorite song because that is my crush’s favorite.”5 Or “I can connect with this song because the lyrics and even the melody is just the same on what is happening this day.”6). Synthesizing it, they can relate in the love song, romantic movie or novels to someone they have admired or the people being connected with it.
Peer influence Most of the time, Filipino teenagers are with their fellow friends. Most of these young people that the Filipino teenagers are with are in the status of mutual relationship with their opposite sex. If Filipino teenagers have this kind of companions, they too will be influenced to have a mutual relationship with their opposite sex because when their companions have a mutual relationship with someone, they feel that they are out of place so they too will enter into mutual relationship with their opposite sex in order not to feel that they are out of place with their companions. In one word they are jealous on what their friends have in
which they do not have. Friendship with opposite sex As one of the famous quotations states, “No man is an island.” There is no wrong in having friendship with an opposite sex. It is very impossible that a person does not have any friends. It is a normal and a usual concept in our daily lives, if a person does not have, the person is an abnormal. Having a friend gives joy to every Filipino teenager. It signifies brotherhood and/or sisterhood. But having a friendship with an opposite sex might have effects
5 Statement ofahigh school student being interviewed by the researchers. 6 Statement from the diary of a high school student being interviewed by the researchers.
to Filipino teenagers too. In having a friendship with opposite sex, there is a higher probability that Filipino teenagers might fall in love with their opposite sex especially when the friendship is strong. In which, Filipino teenagers will have the opportunity to know the characters of their opposite sex well. A great chance of probability, in knowing each other, they will grow closer to each other where mutual love of Filipino teenagers begins. That is why a lot and most of the teenagers having an early boyfriend-girlfriend relationship because they have the strong relationship when they are still ‘friends’. “Mutual relationship always starts in friendship with an opposite sex.”7 “The greatest foundation in having mutual relationship.”8
Childhood sweetheart In the neighborhood of Filipino teenagers, there, their opposite sex, live. Some of their opposite sex was their close friends since their childhood. In having a friendship with their opposite sex since their childhood, they found sisters or brothers in their fellowship with their opposite sex. They become good friends until they grow old. Now in growing up particularly in teenage life, there exist mutual feelings to each other. Since childhood, they feel happy in the fellowship of one another. How much will they feel in their teenage life? Surely, they will feel love to one another because in happiness, they found love. Once they found love, they will now enter in mutual relationship. This kind of situation or status is known as childhood sweetheart.
7 Statement of a high school student being interviewed by the researchers. 8Adolescent Romantic Relationships – Why are they important? And should they be encouraged or avoided? Headspace-National Youth Mental Health Foundation. http://www.headspace.org. January 12, 2015. Page 2
Lack of Parental Guidance Most of the parents of Filipino teenagers are very busy on their day to day job. They will leave the house for work early in the morning when their children are still sleeping. They will go home late at night when again their children are already in their beds. It is very clear that they give more time on work than their own children. Because of this, their sons or daughters will look for someone whom they can spend their time with. That they can feel the love of the parents from the love of the other people in which, they will find on it in having boyfriend-girlfriend with other people. They feel that their opposite sex gave them more importance than their parents could give them. Lack of parental guidance is not the mistake of Filipino teenagers who have mutual relationship with their opposite sex but it is the mistake of parents because of lack of time that they give
to their sons or daughters. Part of teenage rebellion When Filipino teenagers feel that their parents are so strict to them that they cannot do what they want even though they have a good reason, they will rebel against their parents. When Filipino teenagers feel that their parents were the avoider of their happiness, they will do some things in secret, and one of it is having mutual relationship with their opposite sex. For some Filipino teenagers, their main goal of having a relationship with their sex is not to love their opposite sex but to get the attention of their parents and they want to feel free from the
boundaries of the rules being given by the strict parents. Parent’s encouragement In other cases of boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, parent’s encouragementis anothercause. For other parents, they think that having mutual relationship with the opposite sex of their sons and daughters is good inspiration for their children
to study more. For some Filipino teenagers, it helps them in their studies while for some; it candestroytheir children’sacademic. What parents do not know is that they do not realize that letting their sons or daughters to have a mutual
relationship with opposite sex is that it lessens the time of their family bonding. Failure of past Mutual-Understanding-Relationship9 with opposite sex “It is better no to become ‘bitter’ 10 that is why I will try to have ‘one’ again.”11 Most of the Filipino teenagers nowadays have already undergone already with mutual relationship with their opposite sex. Most of these mutual relationships did not work well among Filipino teenagers due of some primary reasons: Uncontrolled emotion toward their opposite sex, the negative traits of a person, and not contended on the person being mutualized with. When their mutual relationship with their opposite did not work well, it will take a long time for them to move on. For some cases, they used to have another relationship with someone else in order to move on but when they build a new mutual relationship with someone else, they are building it not because out of mutual lovebut because of ‘bitterness’ in the failure of their past relationship with their opposite sex. Synthesizing it by means of a Filipino quotation, “I am doing this to cover my
holes.”12 Curiosity As a part of adolescents’ development, curiosity takes place. According to Miriam Webster’s Dictionary, Curious means, “Having a desire to investigate and learn.”
9 Mutual-Understanding-Relationship is the last the stage of the two opposite sex before going through boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. 10 In the concept of mutual relationship, it means hurt or the pain encountered. 11 Based from the journal of a high school student. 12“To cover my holes.” In Filipino translation means, “Panakip butas.”
It is very true, because as the researches have already mentioned in the past pass, discovery of one’s self and ‘experimentation’ is a part of adolescents’ growth and the reason for that is adolescents’ curiosity. As a result, early boyfriend-girlfriend relationship will be the one of the greatest curiosity of the teenagers. On what way are the teenagers becoming curious in this kind of relationship? Here are some reasons: First, reason, imitation from the other people especially for the people who have the relationship for the long period of time. Second reason, it is the famous concept including on the past decades. The third and last reason is, obviously, Filipino teenagers are curious because they really want to experience it.
Chapter III The Effects What are the effects of having an early boyfriend-girlfriend relationship among the teenagers? The researchers divided this chapter into three parts: Academic Life, Psychological Aspect, and Social Aspect or Community Life. Academic life Improvement of Athletic Skills Most Filipino teenagers who are single in status have not yet found or did not yet improve their skills in athletic. When these Filipino teenagers built a mutual relationship with their opposite sex, their partners will become their inspiration in things they do. Most young men in Philippines are irresponsible in things during their teenage life. They will rather give their time in computer’s games or in doing bad habits such as drinking or drug abuse rather than spending their time in improving their skills in sports such as basketball. When these young men are having mutual relationship with their opposite sex, their partner became their encourager in improving their skills in athletic. Having mutual relationship with their opposite sex became their greatest help in making their selves from worse Filipino teenagers to better Filipino teenagers. The saying, “Behind of every great man is a woman,” is totally linked to the experience of this young Filipino men. Improvement in studies This kind of effect is mostly experience by Filipina teenagers or both of them. In Philippines today, Filipina teenagers are much better in academics compare to the academic life of Filipino teenagers. According to the observation of one the
researchers, the main reason why Filipina teenagers are getting better in academics than those Filipino teenagers do is that Filipina teenagers is using their boyfriend as their inspiration in studies. For some Filipina teenagers who are in mutual relationship with their opposite sex, their boyfriends are their primary strength in academics. When Filipino teenagers observed the good intellect of Filipina teenagers or their partner in their mutual relationship with their opposite sex, they too will be inspired to study harder and to do better in their academic life. Almost all of Filipino teenagers who are in mutual relationship with their opposite sex used their boyfriend or girlfriend as their great inspiration in academic life. Having boyfriend-girlfriend relation among Filipino teenagers became a great help in their studies. While for some Filipino teenagers, having mutual relationship with their opposite sex became destruction in studies because they give more time with their boyfriend-girlfriend. Psychological Aspect
Depression During boyfriend-girlfriend relationship among Filipino teenagers, they feel enjoyment and romance with their boyfriend or girlfriend. They feel comfortable in each other’s side. They totally feel the true meaning happiness with fellowship of their boyfriend and girlfriend but once their boyfriend-girlfriend relationship did not work well, of course break-up in their relationship will exist. Once breakup came in their relationship, one or maybe both of them will totally feel depressed because of the failure of their relationship. They will miss the
fellowship of each other, the happiness of each other’s companionship. They be so bitter that they to course their opposite sex. There might be also a point that they will submit their virginity or celibacy to someone they do not love or do not even know. Being bitter due of break-up of boyfriend-girlfriend relationship will cause worst depression that a Filipino teenager can feel that it might take a long time for Filipino teenager to move on after the break-up.
New experience Having mutual relationship with opposite sex is a new experience for all Filipino teenagers especially for those Filipino teenagers who have its first boyfriend and girlfriend in their life. For these Filipino teenagers nowadays, it is normal to have boyfriend or girlfriend even during teenage life. Through this new experience, Filipino teenagers discover many things in having mutual relationship with their boyfriend or girlfriend. They discover a new kind of happiness particularly in the fellowship of their boyfriend or girlfriend. They discover to be more mature than before particularly when they were still single in their status. They will come to know each other more. They will know each other’s side, whether good or bad. In the observation of one of the researchers, Filipino teenagers who are in the middle of mutual relationship with their opposite sex are always can be seen in malls or places of tourists and the researcher described this kind of habit of Filipino teenagers as their new experience with their boyfriend or girlfriend.
Social Aspect or Community Life
Teenage Pregnancy Teenage pregnancy is the most tragically effect of early boyfriend-girlfriend relationship among Filipino teenagers. The number of Filipina teenagers who are
encountering teenage pregnancy is now higher than before. This kind of tragedy among Filipino teenagers happened when one of them submit to the advances of his or her partner. It exists because of each other’s lust. Of course, lust in the nature of human weakness. In relationship of boyfriend-girlfriend, lust is always present there due to physical attraction. Any Filipina teenagers who are encountering will have these kinds of effects. First, Filipino teenagers will feel emotional crisis that might lead them to abort their innocent baby. Second, their worries about having a baby in an early age will have an impact on their future. Third, their education might be delayed because they will focus more on the needs of their baby. Fourth are the negative expressions of their friends and family for the wrong thing they have done. Fifth, they might neglect their baby because they might grow annoyed at the lack of freedom to interact their friends. Sixth, the trouble of finances will be their problem most in raising their baby. Such a
tragedy will truly have negative effects on Filipino teenagers. Lesser time for family Lesser time for family among Filipino teenagers who have boyfriend or girlfriend is one of the effects of their early boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. In teenage life, Filipino teenagers feel that their boyfriend or girlfriend understands them more than their family does because they share the same emotions and interests in teenage life that is difference in the opinion of their family members particularly their parents. Because of this situation, Filipino teenagers wanted to be more with the people who understand them more that is their boyfriend or girlfriend not their family. Another situation is like this; when one of them wanted things to do, the other one will follow what the other one wanted to do because of this, they are spending more time with their boyfriend or girlfriend, and spending less time on
their family. What Filipino teenagers does not know is that spending less time with their shows that they are giving importance to each of their family members and it also shows that their boyfriend or girlfriend is much important than their family. This kind of effect of early boyfriend-girlfriend relationship among
Filipino teenagers might give a probability of losing the family life. Lesser time for others Having early boyfriend-girlfriend relationship among Filipino teenagers will not only affect the time for family but it also lessens the time that Filipino teenagers are giving with their neighbors. Yes, having boyfriend-girlfriend relationship among Filipino teenagers will give new experience. Yes, it is a good inspiration for studies and other interests that helps them to improve in their studies or in their other skills such athletics or any kinds of arts. Yes, having boyfriendgirlfriend relationship among Filipino teenagers nowadays satisfies their needs and gives them their other benefits but not everything can be given by boyfriendgirlfriend relationship. What Filipino teenagers does not realized is that their neighbors too can also give them their other needs but because of feeling happier with their boyfriend or girlfriend, they chose to do more what their boyfriendgirlfriend is saying. What Filipino teenagers do not know is that they give too much with their boyfriend or girlfriend that it lessens their sense of socialization with others. It also destructs the sense of friendship, brotherhood with others.
Criticism of others For Filipino teenagers nowadays, having boyfriend-girlfriend relationship in an early age from ten to seventeen years old is normal and it is also in the nature of
other teenagers nowadays. People of today’s living has also have the same idea but for some like the elders who has different kind of tradition during their teenage life will have negative expression of today’s early boyfriend-girlfriend relationship among Filipino teenagers nowadays. Not only the Filipino elders but also the other types of Filipino teenagers or adults who have the same negative expression like the elders have. For them, young Filipina such as teenagers who has boyfriend in an early age is flirty because their ideal of young Filipina is woman of conservative. For them, young Filipino such as teenagers who has girlfriend in an early age is not acting as gentlemen like real gentlemen must because they cannot control their emotion that a gentleman can do. For them, Filipino teenagers nowadays are not doing their part as teenagers that are enjoying their life as teenagers with the fellowship of their neighbors, not only their boyfriend or girlfriend.
CHAPTER IV Advantages and Disadvantages
The researchers have found some advantages and disadvantages of having an early boyfriend-girlfriend relationship among the Filipino teenagers. The researchers divided this section in to two: Advantages of having an early boyfriend-girlfriend relationship among the Filipino teenagers and Disadvantages of having an early boyfriend-girlfriend relationship among the Filipino teenagers.
Advantages of having an early boyfriend-girlfriend relationship among the Filipino teenagers:
Identity Formation According to the research of Headspace, “They contribute to adolescents’ growing sense of who they are and what they believe in, contributing to their self-esteem, self-worth, confidence and level of acceptance or popularity among peers.”13 In this way, they can know themselves very well, also to understand the differences and uniqueness on what they are and on what do they have from that it is same and different to the other people. Also it follows also the saying of Socrates who states, “An unexamined life is not worth living.”
13http://www.headspace.org
Independence In this way, they can find themselves that they cannot stand on their own, or they need other people to live in this world, in which having boyfriend or girlfriend is a sign that they need another person beside from their family and friends. It shows also that it is connected to the one of advantages, Identity formation, in which the teenager is needing a companion to help in growing and searching his or her identity.
Interpersonal skills Interpersonal means social interaction with the other people. It is difficult to be confident with the other person even being known with it. According to headspace they said, “Romantic relationships provide an important opportunity to practiceand refine these skills as they typically involve more intense emotionsand conflict than adolescents’ friendships.”14 In this way also, they can enhance their self-esteem their confidence with the person in whom they will interact with it, and it is very helpful in having this when it comes into a social communication jobs and a well-confident person in interacting with other people.
The ability to manage strong emotions Not all of the teenagers are too much sensitive about their emotions especially after the break-up of the two persons in this kind of relationship. Having boyfriend-girlfriend relationship leads also in forming and strengthening their emotions especially after the break-up. One high school student said, “When the elevator is full, there is a staircase
14 ibid
waiting to be used for the other people,”15 “If the door is closed, another door or window is ready to open.”16 It means that the partners being involved in this kind of relationship are not meant for each other, and they are ready to be ‘hurt’ and ‘love’ again until they found the fit and even a perfect partner in their lives.
Intimacy This factor is very uncommon or not usual to all kinds of persons. The greatest positive factor in having a boyfriend or girlfriend while still in the stage of adolescent is that the teenager can feel the strong bond or being close with other people beside from your family and friends in a special way to the person having related with this kind of relationship. The Headspace stated, “Adolescents can learn how to develop and nurture an intimate relationship. This ability is very important to healthy adult adjustment.”17 In this way, this factor can help into the transition from teenager into adult.
Disadvantages of having an early boyfriend-girlfriend relationship among the Filipino teenagers
Academic Difficulties Most of the teenagers are obviously studying, and having a boyfriend or girlfriend while still studying can have a persons’ difficulty in academics. Why? There are three great
15 Statement of a high school student being interviewed by the researchers. 16 Statement from the diary of a high school student being interviewed by the researchers. 17http://www.headspace.org
reasons. First, it lessens the time to study. Most of the teenagers in this kind of relationship are minimizing their time to study so they can focus more on the relationship they have. Second reason, it can affect the psychological and emotions of the person especially after the break-up. As a result the academic have a greatest probability to be affected because of the pains, and the strong emotions that it is still being felt.
Unplanned or teenage pregnancy
Here are some reports from the National Statistics for the Youth18 in the Philippines. “First, the incidence of teenage childbirth has more than doubled over the past decade. That is, among girls aged 15 to 19, whereas only 6.3% were already mothers in 2002, by 2012 around 13.6% were already mothers.Second (and expectedly), premarital sex among the youth is also on the rise: In 2002, only 23.2% of youth have engaged in premarital sex, but in 2013 this has increased to 32% (amounting to about 6.2 million youth).Third, while both teenage males and females have become more likely to engage in premarital sex, the gap between the sexes has declined over the past decade.And fourth, a whopping 78% of first instances of premarital sex were unprotected (not only against unwanted pregnancy but also sexually transmitted diseases).” Most of these teenagers have their boyfriend-girlfriend relationship and that is why there is a very high of a chance that a woman teenager can get pregnant. There is also a great chance that the teenage is vulnerable to different kind of diseases and sickness that comes from the sexual intercourse with the person in whom they have been a relationship with it.
18 An organization that surveys the Filipino teenagers for the latest issues in the Philippines.
Increased vulnerability to experiencing depressive symptoms Most of the Filipino teenagers especially women have a high probability with this another kind of negative factor in having boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. Most of the teenagers having with a sensitive emotions may have a great probability in being depressed or can affect their psychological aspect, in which women teenagers are prone with this. The pain or the hurt that happened after the break-up is the greatest reason of being vulnerable to experience depressive symptoms. The psychologists found out also, “that having an early boyfriend-girlfriend relationship can lead not only on to depression but also committing
suicidal acts.”19 Keeping secrets from parents If the parents were so strict especially when they have children in the stage of adolescent, and one of the greatest focus of the strict parents pertains to boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. As a result, Filipino teenagers having with this kind of parents may have hide a lot of secrets to them especially from the common joys of each of the teenagers. In the Philippines, a lot of teenagers are doing this for the sake of experiencing it, having it as an enjoyment in replacement of the strict attitudes of the parents, and they are doing it
as a part of their rebellion towards their parents. Lesser time for family When there is a minimize time of studying, it is also possible and obviously having this kind of relationship can decrease the number of time in having a strong bond in the family. Obviously, as what the researchers have stated from the previous topic, the teenager having this kind of relationship may focus more on his or her boyfriend or girlfriend. This kind of negative factor is the most common of all the families in which
19Davidoff, Linda L. Introduction to Psychology. (3rd Ed.) United States of America: McGrawHill, Inc. 1987. Page 421
the bond of them can minimize or even destroys the relationship of the family in the Philippines.
CHAPTER V Conclusions and Recommendations
Conclusions The primary causes and effects of early boyfriend-girlfriend relationship among Filipino teenagers is one of the main issues nowadays in the Philippines. The researchers gave thirteen causes why Filipino teenagers nowadays are having boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with their boyfriend or girlfriend. The first cause is the physical attractiveness of their opposite sex where Filipino teenagers are being attracted immediately physically but not emotionally. Second cause is their similar attraction where both of them have feelings for each other. The third cause is today’s communication technology or social interactions through means of internet and other communicable gadgets such as Facebook, cellphones, and etc. that Filipino teenagers used most in communicating with their opposite sex. Communication with each other makes Filipino teenagers know each other deeper where mutual feelings will grow among them. The fourth cause is having a strong admiration on opposite sex particularly having crush among Filipino teenagers. Filipino teenagers have misinterpret this kind of feelings because they thought that what they feel toward their opposite sex is love but the truth is, it is only a crush like elementary students feel toward their opposite sex. The fifth causes are the books, movies and songs about love. Filipino teenagers love using things related to love because in these things they can find themselves and relate their feelings toward their opposite sex in things about love. The sixth cause is the peer influence. When the friends of Filipino teenagers have their own boyfriend or
girlfriend, the Filipino teenagers are being influenced by their peers to try also having a boyfriend or girlfriend even though in early age. The seventh cause is friendship with opposite sex. Most mutual feelings among Filipino teenagers will always start in friendship with their opposite sex where both of them are getting to know each other. The eighth cause is similar with the seventh cause that is childhood sweetheart. Childhood sweetheart is a kind of friendship among Filipino teenagers that started when they were children. During their childhood, they treated each other as brothers and sisters in their friendship but as the years went by, mutual feelings among them will now come. It happens mostly in teenage life. The ninth cause is lack of parental guidance. Most Filipino parents are giving more time on work than what they give to their children as a result then, their children will look for someone particularly their opposite sex whom they can spend their time with and to whom they feel that this person is giving them more time than what their parents give to them. Soon, their children will have boyfriend or girlfriend because of their lack of presence. The tenth cause is that it is a part of teenage rebellion where Filipino teenagers are trying to revenge against their parents by having a boyfriend or girlfriend due of being strict of their parents. The eleventh cause is parent’s encouragement where parents encourage their children to have boyfriend or girlfriend. The twelfth cause is the failure of past mutual-understanding relationship with opposite sex. When a mutual relationship did not work well among Filipino teenagers, they will build new relationship with someone else because of bitterness from the failure of past relationship. And thirteenth cause is their curiosity because of their desire to investigate and learn what boyfriendgirlfriend relationship is.
These thirteen causes have positive and negative effects to Filipino teenagers. It affects their academic life, physiological aspect, social aspect or community life. In academic life, having mutual relationship, helps the Filipino teenagers to improve their athletic skills and studies because they boyfriend or girlfriend is their best encourager and inspiration. In their physiological aspect, the Filipino teenagers feel depression once their inspiration in life, their boyfriend or girlfriend, is gone or have made ‘Break-ups’ because of the failure of their mutual relationship. But still, it will be great experience among Filipino teenagers because in their relationship with their boyfriend or girlfriend, they learn new things. In their social aspect or community life, the Filipino teenagers might encounter the tragedies of their relationship with their boyfriend or girlfriend. One is teenage pregnancy when one of them submits to the advances of their partner due of lust. Second is it lessens the time that they spend with their family and others because they feel happier and comfortable with fellowship of their boyfriend or girlfriend. Lastly, criticism from others will come because of having a boyfriend or girlfriend in an early age. The causes and effects of their relationship will have advantages in their life as their teenager that will them to be better as they reach the adult life. First is the identity information where they can know themselves very well, also to understand the differences and uniqueness on what they are and on what do they have from that it is same and different to the other people. Second is their independence where they will find companion, beside their family or friend, to help in growing and searching their identity. Third are their interpersonal skills where they can practice their self-esteem their confidence with the person they want to interact with.
Fourth is their new ability to manage their strong emotion. In here they will learn to form and strengthen their emotion once they have a break-up with their boyfriend or girlfriend. Fifth is intimacy where Filipino teenagers can feel the strong bond or being close with other people beside from their family and friends in a special way to the person having related with this kind of relationship. Of course, if there are advantages there are also disadvantages in their relationship where they can find the pain of having a relationship. One is academic difficulties where they will find their partner as destruction in their studies instead of finding their partner as inspiration. Second might be the worst one that is the unplanned or teenage pregnancy due of lust because of their physical attraction. Third is the increased of vulnerability to experiencing depressive symptoms that can lead the Filipino teenagers not only to depression but also in committing suicidal acts. Fourth is keeping of secrets from parents because of the fear that Filipino teenagers are afraid of their parents scolding them, because of this, it lesser the time with family because of lack of trust and too much fear that Filipino teenagers have from their family particularly their parents. The researchers are not stating that it is not good to have boyfriend or girlfriend; they are just exposing the facts and the information that pertains to the researchers' topic. As what the headspace stated in their studies and research "Involvement in romantic relationships is developmentally appropriate and healthy in adolescence."20 The researchers concluded that having an early relationship is a normal concept and it is a part of the teenager's life. Just almost the same and coincidentally with the statement of the Headspace, "Taken together, research suggests that while some concern is warranted when adolescents enter 20http://www.headspace.org
into a romantic relationship, discouraging adolescent involvement in these relationships is not advocated."21 Unless if the persons who are in this kind of relationship and the persons who are responsible are not taking attention and looking to the teenagers who are involve with this kind of an early relationship, especially the parents. Well, not all adolescents will have and should encounter this kind of relationship, that is why through this college research paper, the researchers may help and inform them about this kind of relationship in the teenagers so they can help other people to give them advises on the situations being encountered by the partners. Recommendations The researchers want to recommend and suggest to those persons who are involve in having an early boyfriend-girlfriend relationship that to have to observe the following tips: First tip, follow the rules given by the people who are responsible in this kind of an early relationship especially the parents. Second suggestion, they must have limitations for everything in an early relationship during the adolescent. As what the Headspace organization states,“Some researchers have suggested that it may be helpful to think of adolescents beginning to develop romantic relationships as being similar to learning how to drive a car. It can be fun and rewarding, allowing adolescents to learn new skills and increase their independence. However, just as there is some level of risk involved every time you drive a car, there are risks involved indeveloping romantic relationships and these risks are highest when we are young and inexperienced. Similarly to the way in which the degree of risk involved in driving depends on a number of 21 ibid
factors, the risks associated with involvement in romantic relationships depend heavily on the types of relationships and experiences adolescents have.”22 Put some limitations and follow the standards given by the person who knows this kind of an early relationship better. Third suggestion based on the statement of the Headspace, "Adolescents’ romantic experiences and relationships warrant attention.Even when they are short-lived, they can have a major impact on adolescents’ day-to-day lives, and influence their emotional and social development, their future functioning and their experience and expectations of intimate relationships in adulthood."23 The people who are responsible with the teenagers who have this kind of relationship must be more focused to the teenagers especially if it is related with that teenager especially for those parents. Lastly, the third suggestion is to check and notice if the relationship is healthy or unhealthy. It means on what is going on the relationship in the teenagers if it is helpful or not. The people who are responsible, especially the parents must know the situation of their sons or daughters about this kind of relationship; they must look-out for if there are things that go wrong; they must be a source of guide to ensure that teenagers may be helped in this part of adolescents’ growth. Putting together the teenagers who are involved with this kind of an early boyfriendgirlfriend relationship must: Obey the rules, have limits, warrants attention especially the parents, and checking out the relationship if it is helpful or not for the Filipino teenagers.
22Ibid, page 2 23 ibid
Bibliography
Lindegren, Henry Clay, Harvey, John H. An Introduction to Social Psychology. (3rd Ed.) St. Louis, Missouri 63141: C.V. Mosby Company, 1981.
Davidoff, Linda L. Introduction to Psychology.(3rd Ed.) United States of America: McGraw-Hill, Inc. 1987
Furman, Wyndol, Brown, B. Bradford, Feiring Candice. The Development of Romantic Relationships in Adolescence.United States of America: Cambridge University Press. 1999
Adolescent Romantic Relationships – Why are they important? And should they be encouraged or avoided? Headspace-National Youth Mental Health Foundation.http://www.headspace.org.au/media/326676/romanticrelationships_adoles cent_romantic_relationships_why_are_they_important_headspace_evsum.pdf. January 12, 2015
