THE PEE PEE MAN CHRONICLES: Origin Story (2nd draft)
Names are a religious commodity. commodity. No maer the person, pe rson, place, thing, or idea, there is always a name befng it. Even the lack o name has a name ( nameless, anonymous. !ut where does religiosity come into play" #t$s because we invest our implicit aith into these names, blind aith that each o these names has a value and %uality which e&tends back to its roots'the place where meaning, true meaning, is undamental and assured. e trust these names are correct, the names o everyone and everything, and we use them to orm our technical and philosophical understanding understanding o the universe and the place o our own world contained therein. Names and symbols are all we have because they$re all we can have, should we desire to stay grounded in the )real world.) *erhaps it$s presumptuous or preten+ous to say that Names are od, but let it be said anywayNames are od.
PART I A TALE TALE OF TWO SCREENNAMES
“All through it, I have known myself to be quite undeserving. And yet I have had the weakness, and have still the weakness, to wish you to know with what a sudden mastery you kindled me, heap of ashes that I am, into re- a re, however however,, inseparable in its nature from myself, quickening nothing, lighting nothing, nothing, doing no service, idly burning burning away. - Charles Dickens
1
he *ee *ee /an did not believe in od, and certainly did not believe in his name. #ts basis in reality' its roots'was based on no reality at all- 0is e&1girlriend had tried to get revenge on him by going into his avorite avorite #23 chat room and copy1pas+ng the contents o his porn video archive to the amusement o the membership4 within said contents included a +tle with the key words $water $water sports$ in its heading. 5aughs were had, 6okes were made, and some trollish internet ucker bestowed bestowed him with the epithet $he *ee *ee /an.$ 7ll or something that was a mistake. #t really was a mistake. 0is porn older included so many random downloads that it 6ust so happened there was a clip o people pissing on each other that got included with another download, sort o like how the legisla+ve process includes things like rider bills (bills aached to other bills, a sneaky way to get stu8 ra+fed. hanks to his e&1girlriend$s grandstanding, grandstanding, the sneaky water sports video got recogni9ed by the court and ra+fed into e8ect. #t didn$t maer that he was completely honest in the chat room about his other e+shes 'eet, in par+cular, 6ust like :uen+n aran+no4 no maer how much he tried to e&plain things or laugh along with it or pretend like it was no big deal, the 6okes came ast and plenty.
!ut the 6okes didn$t come rom all angles4 they especially came rom one special person who went by the internet handle o $;tompy.$ $;tompy.$ 0e was a motherucker, motherucker, to be sure, so ucking obsessed with
oh good, stompy is here so he can start shitting on me because his life sucks an d somehow that makes him feel better lmfao hi kris "the pee pee man" mells wanna sing along with me who can take a urinal hi furrytomato sets mode! # bonerforest sprinkle it with pee co#er it in delsym and a tramadol or two the pee pee man the pee pee man can the pee pee man can cause he mi$es it with lo#e and makes the world taste good DeusE%&achina cracks open another cold one <'(endell)tamps> <'(endell)tamps> *+ furrytomato sets mode! mod e! # (endell)tamps (endell)tamps thanks for trying to rehash shit from months ago, stompy youre my hero these hoes cant see me, fam . im the pee pee man . drip droppin fat drops out my penis gland . reppin west #irginia . runnin up in ya . sprinkle on the seat /ust to offend ya . fillin up pee /ugs . im a wee wee thug . fuck ya toilet, son, ill take a piss in the tub . for all my haters i will tell . bout my urine smells . and aint a damn thang changed, its ya boy kris mells0 1m a crime fighter, fighting dry sheets, 1 soil the enemy, with my tramadol skeet2 the only thing 1 like better than adderal, is making sweet sweet lo#e to my +3s 4lf doll2 (ord to your mother2 this bitch wanted to step so i had to roast her . stupid ho wrinkled up my a#engers poster . she had a #agina so i had to ha#e it . cried about it to the chat li#e on rabbit . all my moneys gone i aint know where it went . meth and an d delsym is how i blew my dads inheritance . so tell all these hoes that they aint none . brb sendin some chick money for honey buns ;tupid drunk asshole. eah, uck ;tompy. ;o what i he took ben9os and pain meds and 7dderall and spent some days binge1watching old ? shows he$d seen a thousand +mes beore" 0is shoulder and back pain was legit, the back mostly the result o a bad car crash he had while learning to drive, and the shoulder the result o cops bea+ng the shit out o him with their t heir nights+cks or no reason at all'oh, wait, there was a reason, he remembered what one o the cops said to him)his$s 6ust how we have un out here in est ?irginia@ Yeehaw!!) his was a long +me ago, in his early1twen+es. 0e never pressed charges or ear o reprisal, never did anything e&cept lick his wounds and go home. he bruises had long since healed, e&cept or that pesky shoulder. shoulder. ;ome+mes it hurt, stung a lile bit, and he got prescribed ramadols ramadols to take the edge e dge o8, and occasionally something stronger i he asked them right. hat was wrong with that" hy was ;tompy so obsessed with him" 7s he stretched his arms he tried to rotate his right shoulder all the way around. 7 lile spike o pain, nothing that wasn$t business as usual. /aybe /aybe the pain wasn$t as bad as he let on in the chat most o the +me,
but s+ll, what the uck business was it o ;tompy$s" 7ll that stupid shit about peeing' pee peeeee u r the pee circumvented with a screen pee man HAHAHA LOL!!!— LOL!!!—was so 6uvenile. 7ny aempts to put him on ignore were circumvented name change and eventually an #* change. /ost o the chat operators didn$t care, didn$t put a stop to it unless ;tompy was spamming the chat. !ullying was fne, being an asshole was fne, but heaven help you i you enter the same te&t over and over again. No sir, can$t have that. ay or harm reduc+on, which was what the #23 # 23 chat room was supposed to be all about. hat did ;tompy have to say about ramadol"
5 for the tinkles i take in /ugs . 6 for the reasons im pissin blood . 4 for my alf doll, hes my best friend . & for marie, dick pics i send . 4 for autistic, autistic, thats what i am . D for the delsym im shopliftin, fam . 7 for the ops 1 used to ha#e . 8 for the loser that i fuckin am 0e shook his head. 0e reali9ed his fngers were s+ll on the Busher and he removed them. No Bush. his was evidence. >ellow >ellow police tape across the open bowl, making sure people didn$t all inside. 3an$t be too careul. Aown came the rim and lid, and he was sa+sfed. ut o sight, out o mind. orry about it later. later. Arugs were good or that, endowing him with a radical acceptance o this (or any situa+on. 0e$d take the rest o the
pills soon. ;ucks he had no weed leC, but whatever. 0e couldn$t accept the possibility that he himsel pissed in the toilet and didn$t Bush. #t didn$t make sense, his pee looked nothing like that. # he was he *ee *ee /an, he would take care o his pee, maybe even bole it up and let it age. Aeliver a high1%uality product every +me.
7nother night. 7nother troll.
6e/oined channel *entheogens bugg 9bugg'meat2is2murder: has /oined *entheogens 4D4 sets mode! o bugg bug g u e#er think about the way pee coats the space between her toes makin it all warm and slippery stompy, stompy, im not gonna go nna engage your trollshit tonight furrytomato sets mode! # Err`
is that all you got peepee man some;7D once told me the world is gonna flush me i aint the warmest pee in the bowl so like are you more into dribbles or strong steady streams <stompy> hey e#eryone0 did kris tell you which chick he mailed d$m powder to so that she would show him her tits called them up at = in the morning while he was /acking off <4nimals> lmfao ask them to hold the phone near the toilet while they pee flip floppin unip out my penis tip . bend it up like a ? and then i splash my lips . these hoes mad thirsty but im takin sips . slurp it all up @uick dont forget no drips . im wobblin and i fall . go bblin tramadol . lyin on the chat actin like i aint took em all . droppin fat ass rhymes /ust to match the beat . wettin up haters /ust like my batman sheets Every night he did this. "+ery uc-in niht. 0appened around the same +me e+ery uc-in niht , most likely when the trollish pigucker got drunk or ucked up enough to think doing the same thing over and over again was unny. #t wasn$t unny. #t was stupid. onight, though,
s+mulants, but his 7dderall guy was out o goodies and his meth guy wasn$t answering his te&ts or calls. Iuck all that. 0e minimi9ed the chat screen and stood up rom his desk, stretched his arms, elt that shoulder pain. >eah, he needed pain pills. ramadol ain$t cung it no mo$. 0is teeth hurt. 0ave to make a den+st appointment, or the Norcos i nothing else. Ao it tomorrow. oo late now. here were pi99a rolls in the ree9er. ree9er. Not a cure or the dopaminergic blues, but it was something. 0e turned to set o8 or the kitchen but stopped at the doorway. ut o the corner o his leC eye he saw another doorway. he bathroom doorway. 0e rarely had reason to close any o his doors e&cept the ront door4 he lived alone in the guesthouse o his stepmom$s property and did his bathroom stu8 with the door open. hrough the corner o his eyes he saw through the open doorway to the gray g ray porcelain profle profle o a certain ha9y ob6ect that gave him so much grie last night. 0e tried to sco8 at himsel, himsel, but it was hard to do when he had spent the previous day pissing in the kitchen sink while cons+pa+ng himsel with synthe+c opioid medica+on. 0e gave himsel no reason to go inside that bathroom or anything, much less or a simple wee wee (or pee pee4 pee 4 aCer all there were drains in the boom o the kitchen sink. #t all went down somewhere. 0e snapped his head leC. oilet lid closed. hat piss probably stank to high heaven by now, though it hardly smelled like roses last night. ;melled s+nky and sour, sour, not sweet like the urine o a diabe+c. Even rom way out here, his nose hairs prickled with suluric reminders and he tasted methane on the back o his tongue. hat was some rank1ass shit. 0e didn$t remember it smelling this bad. )hat$s how it$s oin to smell when you open the lid,) he told himsel aloud as he stared at the commode while tapping an aimless rhythm on the doorway 6amb. )onna smell like tha') he toilet growled at him. he lid raised up a hal inch and the toilet growled at him. 0e saw this happen, heard the guural wretch spew orth rom inside the bowl in a deep1seated mechanis+c rumble that could saw through bone. #t went on or three seconds and stopped'though, curiously enough, he didn$t see the toilet bowl lid lower back down when the growl ceased. #t came up a hal inch, sure, but down" Nope. 7nd yet the lid was closed, as i it hadn$t moved at all. 0e stared at the toilet rom the doorway, doorway, waited or more, or something to happen. 0is heart rate soared and his temples pulsed. 0e shut his eyes and made a fst with his right hand, used the side o his closed hand to pound his orehead si& +mes. 0e did see the toilet lid move like a pair o lips, right" 0e know what he heard, but he saw the lid move, he saw that'but then, why didn$t the lid move back down when the growling was over" 0e opened his eyes. 0e knew what he had to do.
he impact made him all backward. 0e managed to avoid hing the back o his head, but his tailbone took a good whomp, hurt like a bitch. /an, now he really needed needed some hydros. hydros. /aybe he could go to the E2 or an Emergency 3linic and show them this new bruise and get an emergency prescrip+on. 0ell, maybe his meth guy knew where to get some 0. Never asked beore, but now might be a good +me. 2ight now. now. hese druggie thoughts bulleted through his head not so much as thoughts but impulses. Every serious drug user becomes intui+vely aware o those delicate +mes in lie when situa+ons could be manipulated in their avor or momentary dopaminergic or serotonergic relie4 this was 6ust another +me when he could point to something tangible and be like, Hey! % nee somethin to ma-e this /e0er! % deserve somethin to ma-e this /e0er! hus, even with the s+ng o shocking pain in his tailbone (though it was more a discomort than anything, but hey- serious druggies are nothing i not adept at !roadway1es%ue !roadway1es%ue styles o e&aggera+on, there came layered with it the poten+al promise o uture pleasure. 0e$d all but orgoen the growling toilet in his bathroom in avor o these druggie idea+ons. Iuck the ramadols, ramadols, he needed the real shit. shit. /aybe some speed to go along with it4 aCer all, how was he supposed to get through work tomorrow with this new in6ury" # he didn$t get some meth, at the very least he could get some hydrocodone rom the doctor, doctor, most likely, likely, and also a doctor$s note e&cusing him or the missed work day. 0e could do a cold water e&trac+on on the hydros'what was a good dose or a busted tailbone" JH mg" KH" Emergency prescripts were usually 6ust ten or twelve L milligram pills, so that was what, around LH milligrams" >eah, may as well use them all, wash them down with some white graperuit 6uice (which was an opioid poten+ator, and driC o8 or a while, maybe play some Fallout or or start to watch the new season o Gotham. he torrent had been sing in his %ueue or weeks, wai+ng or the perect +me. 5ooks like he ound it. 7ll o these thoughts and eelings and ideas and reali9a+ons came and went within the span o a ew seconds, long enough or the ini+al shock o pain to rise and abate. 0e let go o his wrist and rolled on his side, gently rubbed the area 6ust above the crack o his ass. Aidn$t hurt that bad, not really, but what the medical proessionals proessionals didn$t know wouldn$t hurt them. he medical proessionals' ait . . . his crotch was damp. hat the t he hell" Aamp, s+cky. Aid he . . . Aid he 6ust piss himsel" 0e elt down there and knew the truth. 0is Flash pa6ama booms were soaked. /ust have happened when his hand was on the vibra+ng doorknob. Fesus 0 !uMucking 3hrist, did he really 6ust piss himsel " 0e didn$t even have to pee, or uck$s sake@
him massive an&iety, an&iety, he could get an emergency prescrip+on or another ben9o'but how much came in those prescripts" en, en, fCeen pills" 7nd would it be 7+van, something weak like that" 0e could sure go or some ana& right now, now, or maybe some more
0e woke up covered in pee pee. Not 6ust the pee rom his accident last night, no4 he was doused top to boom in piss. Irom his hair to his nightshirt to his Scoo/y Doo bo&ers that replaced his soiled *F booms to the +p o his toes, the s+cky aCermath o urine ( smelly urine had saturated through his clothes to clog the pores o his skin overnight. he smell was beyond abhorrent, as i he had taken a steam bath o methane coals. h Go . 0ow was he supposed to go to work now" 0is bedstand clock told him he had orty minutes to make it there. Iorty minutes to get ready and go to work sober. ell, on ramadol, but that hardly counted4 that shit was vitamins to him. 0e needed s+ms. 0e could almost take a !en9edre& at this point. 0e needed somethin. !ut no, what he really needed was a shower. shower. 3ouldn$t take one here, couldn$t take one in the main house, not without star+ng an associa+ve stream o %ues+oning rom his stepmom that he couldn$t back up. Even i she had gone to work and he snuck inside or a %uick sprit9, she was bound to no+ce the condensa+on lingering behind'and even i she didn$t know that, she would no+ce something else, a shampoo bole in the wrong spot, or the shower curtains opened on the opposite side, 6ust something altered rom her everyday surroundings, and the %ues+ons would ollow. ollow. eah, it was high1+me to say $uck it$ to work. Aidn$t want to call them, though. /aybe i he 6ust didn$t show up or call them or long enough, the whole thing would %uietly go away. away. 0e had bigger fsh to ry. Iirst thing$s frst- 0e needed to somehow use the kitchen sink and aucet to hose o8 his body. /aybe /aybe there was an actual hose outside" >eah, >eah, but that would necessitate actually going outside, something he ritualis+cally avoided whenever possible. 0e stood up and almost tripped over a kitchen glass laying crossway beside his bed. 0e caught himsel on the wall and looked down at the glass. >eah, >eah, he remembered that glass, reali9ing the memory was there all along but staying in the background out o sight, observing everything. #t was true that some+mes he would place an empty glass rom the kitchen on his bed stand. Fust in
case, y$know. y$know. Fust in case he woke up and had to make wee wee. 5ong trip to the bathroom (when the toilet wasn$t growling, eight steps at most but those eight steps mean a lot when you$re coming out o sleepyland. 7n even longer trip to the kitchen sink with a ull bladder. bladder. 7 side1e8ect rom opioids, synthe+c and otherwise, is a marked increase in urinary reten+on4 taking a piss wasn$t impossible, but it took a long +me, and some+mes ooled you into thinking you had to pee when you didn$t. ;ing ; ing on his bed provided a beer cushion than sing on a cold, sterile toilet bowl rim. 0e remembers geng up last night with a ull bladder and pissing in the glass. #t wasn$t a clear c lear memory, but he knows he did it, much as he would admit to no one else that he did it some+mes. # H"Y knew about this glass, and all the other empty kitchen glasses methodically placed on his bed stand night aCer night, then would have good reason to call him he *ee *ee /an. H"Y would H"Y . ne H"Y in in par+cular. par+cular. # ;tompy knew about
;he didn$t sign on un+l the evening.
QclockangelR 0i QErr=R hey how are you
No response. 7 minute went by, then two. he chat was slow tonight. nly thing that happened in the past hal hour was the same person using the @weather eature and the @%uote eature. Not much traSc here without ;tompy, ;tompy, who hadn$t signed on all day. day. ;tupid ucker might$ve goen himsel banned. ouldn$t be the frst +me. QclockangelR /y dad came in my room again #$m on my phone at #0* 0is stomach dropped. hat motherucker. motherucker. 0e would kill her dad i he could. 3astrate him, make him choke on his nuts. 0e wished he was on A/ right now, or hell, somethin to numb his emo+ons and help him know what to say. hose pesky eelers get in the way some+mes'things like lust, arac+on, an&iety, and rage. Especially rage. No A/, though, or anything else. 7ll he had was ramadol, 0e$d already taken THH mg today, today, which was all he ever allowed himsel to take. 0e might have gone out and got some alcohol or something, but he didn$t want to leave his house vulnerable to the elements that be. ;tompy was nearby. ho else could possibly be behind all this weird shit" r weird piss, more like. (that was your pee in the toilet, you -now it was >eah, fne, maybe that oul1smelling li%uid in the toilet bowl came rom his own bladder' (no may/e a/out it Iine then, it most defnitely was his own pee pee, but that s+ll didn$t change the act that the toilet had growled at him on two separate occasions and that he had woken up in the morning covered in piss that t hat had obviously been poured all over him while he was sleeping. hose were the basic acts o the situa+on, and it didn$t maer that he had peed in the toilet some days ago and didn$t Bush and orgot about it and blamed it on someone else, some mystery pisser hiding in the grassy knoll. Not 6ust any mystery pisser, though4 it was his sworn enemy, i he had such a thing. ;tompy. 0e decided it was that at uck right away, and had been opera+ng under that thesis up un+l now. now. !ut what i it was someone else" hat i' QclockangelR O there" 0e snapped back to the moment. ;hit, his bladder was ull. hy did it have to happen now" 0e clenched his bladder shut and started typing. QErr=R i cant believe hes doing this to you QErr=R im so sorry this is happening QErr=R do you want to talk on the phone" 0e hoped she didn$t call him right this second, or say yes please call me 5%GH $O) . 0e didn$t relish having to talk to her while sing on the toilet and trying to muUe the sound o pee hing water. water. #t was ar too early in their courtship or casual displays o in+macy. /aybe /aybe i she did it frst it would be di8erent, which oddly enough would be okay. ;ort o hot, even. ;he didn$t respond back right away, which made him think he ucked things up already. as he not consoling enough" as the phone thing too creepy" ;ome girls liked to talk on the phone when they were upset'at least, he thinks they do. ne o his e&es did. ;ure, he only talked to clockangel once on the phone beore, but he didn$t think he was being pushy or disrespecVul o her boundaries. 0e didn$t thin- he he was, but with some girls it was impossible to tell. ;+ll no response. 0ow long was it" 7 minute, minute and a hal" 7nything longer than a minute was an eternity in te&t chat. Especially i you had to pee. h Go he he had to pee. 0e reali9ed he$d been avoiding avoiding the moment or most o the day. Aid he seriously not pee all day" n the ar1right corner o his desk, he spied the glass. 0is nighme pee glass. 0e meant to take it out to
the kitchen, but apparently orgot. 0adn$t even rinsed it out. ;t reaks o yellow caked with muddy residue ran to the edge o the rim. 5ooked nasty, crusty. !ut no maer how crusty it looked, it was s+ll a glass. 0e grabbed it, stood up, dropped his 5ic- an Morty pa6ama pa6ama booms, held the cup below his 6unk, and waited or the dam to break. 0e also waited or clockangel to say something. Neither was happening. 0e pushed down below. Iucking urinary reten+on, ucking ramadol. ramadol. 0e pushed, gried his eyes shut, pushed some more. # this wasn$t going to happen, he might need a catheter, catheter, which prompted him to push even more. !ut maybe i he went to the E2 and got something stuck up his peehole, they$d give him some hydrocodone hydrocodone to take the edge o8'or maybe not, they$d probably give him something weak, like Aemerol or 3odeine, but i he took enough o those two he might' PEEEEEEEEE PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
he toilet ;32E7/EA at him. wo long sounds, screaming grunts. he ensuing vibra+on shook the whole house, as well as his nerve endings'which turned out to be the impetus or the piss that 6nally got got s%uee9ed through his urethra into the kitchen glass. he stream was lovely, chill1inducing. chill1inducing. #t released more endorphins than KHW o his sel1induced orgasms. he e+d stench hit his nose hairs but he didn$t care, was almost geng used to it. he hollow sound o his evacua+on flling the glass resonated as i echoing o8 the walls o a cathedral. Ior this brie +me he orgot everything, everyone, and himsel, e&is+ng as a singularity o sensa+on and release. #t was such a release, such a pleasure to make pee pee. !ut he heard the rising r ising pitch below and knew the glass was almost ull. Iuck, what to do" 7 day$s worth o piss needed to get out, and once he flled the glass he knew he couldn$t hold it or long, certainly not or the length o +me it would take him to waddle out to the kitchen. 0ell, even 6ust taking a ew steps was likely to make him discharge. 0e did not allow the possibility o pissing on the carpet, not even as a casualty4 it 6ust 6u st did not enter the e%ua+on. 7s he pondered these variables, he reali9ed the glass was an inch away rom topping o8. 0e clenched shut his sphincter and stopped the stream, asked himsel one last +me what to do. (you7+e -nown it all alon 0e raised the glass and +pped it to his mouth. No thinking, he didn$t allow himsel to think as he gulped once, twice'amn was it pungent'thrice, and a ourth +me or good measure. 0e tracked his progress with watery eyes and saw he$d consumed hal the amount4 would that be enough room" 0e lowered the glass and the reat *ee resumed. here wasn$t that much leC inside his bladder4 he s%uirted and dribbled those last ew shakes and was done, ollowed immediately immediately by a massage o post1orgasmic pinpricks that combed up his spine and enveloped him in a rapture he never knew. 0is stomach gurgled. he pee was making its new home down there. 0is mouth and tongue tasted like spoiled meat. 7 retch o nausea bubbled down his esophagus into his gut and he prepared or the worst, prepared or upchuck city'but then it leveled out. No %ueasiness, no sickness.
#n act, he elt endowed with a confdence heretoore unknown to him. he prickles crawling up his spine had metamorphosed into a rising eeling in his gut where the bubble o nausea had popped moments beore. 0e elt power . 0e knew he could ask her i she needed him to come get her and she$d say yes. ;he would, he knew it. !ut he also knew he had to play it cool. armth spread like like simmering tea inside his stomach, and he couldn$t help but grinning as he pounded out another response. his one was longer, longer, and he knew he should separate the te&t into three messages. he -nowin was so powerul. QErr=R people like ur dad dont deserve to live QErr=R id kill him i i thought that would make u eel beer, beer, but u need to get away rom him QErr=R is there anyone u can call" 0e waited or her response that he knew would come. he warmth in his tummy elt good, real good. hy was he eeling so good" so -nowin" as it because he drank hal an K o9 glass o his own pee" 3ould that really be it" 0er replyQclockangelR here$s all these weird ppl around me im araid to do n e thing QErr=R where at" the #0*" QclockangelR y9 Now was his chance. 0e typed something and backspaced it to type something else. 0e counted to twenty beore hing enter. QErr=R im going to drive where u are, i can be there in an hour can u wait that long" No stomach Buers, no an&iety. Fust the -nowin. he simmering in his tummy became a ull on boil whose steam rose to his rib cage, igni+ng his heart with w ith possibility. possibility. he possibility o possi/ility. possi/ility. 0e hadn$t elt like this since he was a kid, but back then the eeling o magic and possi/ility was was interwoven with a naXvetY that precluded confdence. !ut he sure elt confdent tonight'and was it really rom drinking his own s+nky urine" 0e could s+ll taste that spoiled mea+ness on his tongue, but strangely enough didn$t mind it anymore. ould probably probably have to pop a mint beore he met clockangel ace to ace, but that was no biggie. hirty seconds went by with no response, but that was okay. okay. ive it +me. ;hit, this eeling was awesome. No drug could touch this eeling. #t elt so pure. ne minute. ;+ll no worry. hat should he take along on the trip" 0e knew she lived in 2othsburg, ?irginia, which was only an hour away rom his hometown in est ?irginia. # he drove ast he could make it in orty. orty. 0e thought o 0arvey es ne word. hat was all he needed. !ut he already knew she would answer in the aSrma+ve. he key was in the %ues+on- 0e didn$t ask i he could come to her, her, but rather i she could wait long enough or him to get there. # she had said $no,$ the assump+on would have been he was s+ll coming to her, coming to save her. 0e didn$t ask her i he could come, he tol her, her, which was completely unlike him. as he becoming a new person" as he becoming a hero" a super hero" hero" as this his origin story" 0e reached over and picked up his glass o$ pee. 7c+ng on the same base ins+nct that guided him thus ar, ar, he +pped the glass between his lips and drank. Arank it down, one gulp aCer the other, other, eyes open and never leaving the chat screen. ;taring at that $>es.$ $>es.$
hat $>es$ was so beau+ul. 5
he interstate interstate roads stretched in ront o him with an asce+c splendor. splendor. he 7ppalachians in the distance were cloaked in night$s embrace, making them elt but hardly seen. he e&it o8 #1ZH East to 2othsburg was orty minutes away.
himsel outside. #nstead, he rummaged around the passenger side Boorboard or an empty bole, an empty cup, something he could use. 0e ound a /cAonald$s large ountain ountain drink cup, the insides smeared with cola residue, and held it below his crotch. 0e watched himsel perorm these ac+ons rom a wide angle lens deep inside his head as he un9ipped, etched out his wiener, wiener, and opened the Boodgates. Ahhhhhhh . . . 0e thought o that scene in Dum/ an Dum/er when when Fim 3arrey pissed in an empty beer bole while Fe8 Aaniels was driving. ood ol$ rubberaced Fim didn$t 6ust fll up one bole4 he flled up three or our by the +me he was done. Fe8 Aaniels remarked to him, )hat are you, a camel") to which Fim responded with a camel neigh that signifed the end o his stream.
7Cer he fnished drinking rom the /cAonald$s cup and licked his lips dry, he picked up his phone and hit the power buon. 0e clicked the a9e icon and confrmed the address'ten miles away, away, si&teen minutes away (es+mated, o course. ouldn$t be long now. /aybe he should try calling her again. Arinking the recons+tuted piss this +me around didn$t give him that mainline rush rom beore, but was enough to reinorce the base hypomanic tensions ueling his every movement and thought. Everything seemed Buid, Buid in scope, Buid in ac+on'perhaps because it was all thanks to Buid, one Buid in par+cular. par+cular. his shit was beer than drugs, beer because it came rom his own body, because he could redose when his bladder flled up. ;ure, the Bavor wasn$t that great, but years o drinking cough medicine had toughened up his taste buds and gag reBe&. !esides, there was character in in the taste. 0is own character, character, to be sure, but it went deeper than that4 his own pee had the tang and corrosiveness o nostalgic underpinnings, the character o o who he was up to that point in +me. # the past and present were never completely in sync, they were when he drank his own piss. 0e could eel it. hanks to his pee. 0is peeeeee peeeeeee
0e sat up in his car seat, straight up. 0is pulse e&ploded between his ears, a )H89)H8M# )H89 )H8M# that threatened to dissolve into tunnel vision. !ut he couldn$t old up now. now. 0e was on a mission, wasn$t he" ;ure he was, but now he wondered i it was a ool$s errand. 7 ool$s mission. hat i clockangel wasn$t real" hat i she was the product o someone$s imagina+on, a certain ce rtain special someone" #""""""" #"""""""
0e searched his Iacebook messenger or ;tompy. 0e wasn$t riends with the piece o shit (obviously, but several people in his contact list were, which allowed him access to fnd the dude$s profle. #t helped that ;tompy had a uni%ue name'Fohn !ear ;i&killer'which ; i&killer'which made it a %uick fnd. here he was. Fohn !ear.
JOHN BEAR SIXKILLER March 10 at 3:44 am
>o my peeps hit me up TH\K][HLHT
here it was. ;tompy$s phone number. number. *erhaps a direct te&t would get a %uicker response than a Iacebook message, but . . . what i he 6ust called the number" hat i he engaged the hateul *..;. *..;. directly, directly, voice to voice" Normally, Normally, this was something ou$re so clever, you got me again. eah, you$re at band prac+ce") said ou know what it means.) )No # don$t, that$s why # asked you.) ou )>ou need to tell me right now i you$ve been ucking with me and # drove all the way out here or nothing.)
)>ou )>ou didn$t drive out here. hy would # care where you drive") #t was ama9ing how normal ;tompy$s ;tompy$s voice was, almost like a real person. )# don$t give that much o a shit about you, dude.) )>eah )>eah you do,) growled ou )>ou know you give a shit about me. >ou come in the chat every night and make up all those raps about me, a new one every night. >ou write songs about me, you$re always talking about me. >ou >ou know you give a shit about me.) ;ound o a lighter sparking on the other end. ;omething being smoked, probably a cig. ou tell me why # give a shit about you and #$ll believe you.) )# don$t need you to believe me. # already know it$s true.) )hen tell me. Iuckin tell me or #$m hanging up.) )#t was you pretending to be her the whole +me. >ou were pretending to') )Nah man.) ;tompy let out a big long e&hale not ar rom a whistle, and ou )>ou answer my %ues+on or #$m hanging the uck up. ;eriously ;e riously now, now, come on *ee *ee /an, +me to get with it.) )Aon$t call me that,) said ou pay her out o that big1ass trust und your daddy leC you" r you pay it out o those government checks you get every month" # bet you don$t pay 6ack to your mom. /an i # got a lie, i # got a miserable lie or whatever, at least # made it or my uckin sel.) ou 6ust goa goa fnd a way to distract yoursel rom all the bad choices you made that led you to this part o your lie. #$m 6ust someone you can pro6ect all your sel1loathing') )7lright alright, frst o all,) inter6ected ;tompy, ;tompy, )you get your acts right or you$re not liable to say one uckin thing to me that has any kind o basis in, ah, reality.) reality.) )>ou$re talking about me geng my acts right') )#$m not homeless anymore, # never took a dump under a bridge. 7t least the shit # say has some basis in ')
)!asis in reality, yeah, you said that already.) ou really should get your acts right') )# know you$re lying. hy you trying to save ace with someone who$s got such a miserable e&cuse or a lie") )ow, )ow, that really got to you, huh") ou know the kinda shit # could do # had those drugs 6ust sing around" >ou got all this +me and resources to do anything you want, but you 6ust sit around the house doing nothing. >ou watch watch the same ol$ bullshit, talk to the same ol$ screennames. >ou >ou don$t make anything, you don$t create anything, you don$t do a goddam thing $cept hit on girls in a drug chat room, and none o the girls want anything to do with you +ll you send em money to their *aypal frst. frst. 7nd you do that, you send em money or drugs, but when you do it you get all smug and convince yoursel you$re some kind o ou tell me # should kill mysel all the +me. 0ow can you not hate me") )# don$t hate you, # hate what you represent.) here was a slight warble to ;tompy$s tone, as i his voice might devolve to sta+c at any +me. )# don$t know how else to e&plain it. >ou got everything right in ront o you and you tell me #$m, uh, #$ve got a bad moral character, character, compass, whatever, whatever, because # was homeless or a period o +me") )#t$s not because you were') )>ou )>ou know # was born in a uckin carnival, dude" # don$t got the kinda amily that$s gonna hole me up when +mes get rough. # mean yeah, # got amily- # got the same carny motheruckers who took turns buMucking me since # was old enough to s+ck my ass in the air. air. hat$s my amily'good ol$ mom, too4 she$s the one who pulled down my training pants to make it easier or the carnies to s+ck their syphili+c cocks up my poop1chute. Aid your mom ever pimp you out") )0ow is any o that my ault") ou >ou hear me" You on7t unerstan.)
)7re you clockangel") blurted out ou )>ou be careul out there
hat response was telling. #t told
Where r u 0oly shit. his was s+ll happening.
This guy won’t leave me alone
0e moved his thumbs over the keypad, hammered on some leers, and pressed `;end. `;end.
I'm here in town are you in danger? ;tupid response. hatever. hatever. 0e told himsel he didn$t care or now, wasn$t trying to impress her because she probably wasn$t real, 6ust some caVish milking him or G\H bucks delivered to her *aypal to buy some college te&tbooks'well, she said she needed a hundred, but he threw in the e&tra twenty because, well, 6ust because. 0e$d already given her a hundred4 what was wrong with twenty more" # she was a real caVish, she wouldn$t have stopped at a !en6amin and a 0amilton4 she would$ve milked milked him or a lot more. 7nd, even i she wasn$t done milking him, why had she invited him all the way out here" ell, )invited) was perhaps a misnomer4 she prac+cally /ee him him to drive out here. !ecause she was in trouble. Iirst her dad, now this guy in #0* who wouldn$t leave her alone. ;he was in trouble. ;he needed a hero. 7 super hero. hero. Din.
Plz hurry 0e turned his keys and revved the motor. 0e typed out a %uick response and switched to a9e. Es+mated +me to #0* s+ll ten minutes, s+ll L.[ miles. 0e switched back to the te&t message and told her he$d be there in ten minutes'no more driving like he ol, ol, he couldn$t a8ord to get pulled over, over, not while she needed him'and to try and ignore the guy un+l he got there. ;ome part o him knew t hat he should have compelled her to seek help rom other restaurant patrons or the wait sta8, but i she did that, the problem might have resolved itsel by the +me he got there. He wanted to resolve the problem. 0e wanted to be the hero.
PART II A (SUPER)HERO LIES IN YOU
)And then a hero comes along
!ith the strength to carry on And you cast your fears aside And you know you can survive "o when you feel like hope is gone #ook inside you and be strong And you$ll nally see the truth
%hat a hero lies in you "
- (hitney Aouston
8
7 !ri+sh gentleman spoke through a9e and guided him to #0*, turn by turn. /ost o it was straight ahead on the highway he was already on, but when the 0ugh rant soundalike soundalike told him, )#n one mile, turn right,) he knew he was geng close. 0is heartbeat %uickened, not in the t he powerul way way like beore. #t was nerves, he always got nervous mee+ng a girl or the frst +me. #t was one thing to meet a girl, but to meet her as your poten+al (superhero . . . yeah, talk about nerve1racking. 0e turned right and crossed over an interstate interstate bridge. 0e approached the kind o strip you fnd in towns whose popula+on rarely e&ceeds \H,HHH people- car dealerships stacked on top o each other interspersed with ast ood chains and gas sta+ons4 dollar stores and beauty supply outlets tucked between deunct clothing retailers and bars that operated in the black only because they did redneck karaoke twice a week4 a grocery store and a bank, usually in the same parking lot4 and traSc lights which may or may not be e%uipped with mo+on sensors. 0e snaked through the business district and came to a stoplight Bashing yellow. yellow. 3au+on lights'proo he was driving through a ghost town. Not one car around. 0ugh rant told him to go right yet again and he did, driving beside a graveyard to his leC with outlier hedges that reached up past his car. 7 ew more turns and, in the gentle words o 0ugh- )>ou have reached your des+na+on.) he blue #0* sign shone on his leC like a beacon in the sky, our big white leers spelling the name on a blue sign. Here was a place that always stayed open, even in ghost towns. 0e didn$t give himsel +me to hesitate and pulled in the lot. 0e was about to take a spot near a collec+on o windows when he reali9ed she was sing at one o the windows. hat was her 'that 'that was clockangel, 7dalyn, whatever you wanted to call her4 she was riht there. ;ing at the window looking to the street was a young blondDwhite creature with intense eyeliner and a waifsh ace. ;he was riht there. No caVish she, using photos cribbed o8 some image depository done with a google search4 this was the real deal. 0e knew that ace anywhere.
or her. her. ;he said she needed help and he came here or her . hat had to count or something, right" rig ht" !ut he couldn$t 6ust leave his cup o$ piss behind. Ior beer or worse, that pee had goen him to this point tonight. /aybe it was all delusion'hell, pro/a/ly it it was'but did it maer i it was real or not when it worked" Aoes reality maer hal as much as we think it does" ;tompy had painted a grim and pathe+c portrait o ou never knew, right" 9
he bright lights o the restaurant made him s%uint his eyes. 7 at man sat near the entrance with olds o back at covered in a wiebeater. wiebeater. 7 pair o stumpy /e&icans sat in the ar1leC corner booth near the back. he dinking o dishes and silverware echoed rom an unseen kitchen. o his leC was a par++on that walled o8 a sec+on o the restaurant restaurant rom everywhere else. *resumably this was the smoking sec+on'i places allowed such things anymore. Not many people in there. ne, in act, that he could see, he oman o 0is Areams. Never mind all the creepy guys supposedly not leaving her alone4 7dalyn sat by her lonesome in this walled1o8 sec+on, the back o her head acing him. hat straw1blond hair wai+ng or him. ai+ng to be rescued. he sign said $Please wait to be seated ,$ but he knew i he waited much longer he would never do it. 0e carried himsel and his cup o$ piss across the barrier that separated him rom he oman o 0is Areams. #t was perhaps serendipitous that
)7dalyn.) ;he didn$t turn around. he back o her head stared at him, her beau+ul hay1blond hay1blond hair glistening like a beacon o emininity. emininity. 0er white blouse1shirt ft snug around her torso, showing o8 her thin arms and pe+te shoulders. eird she didn$t turn around right away, considering he was standing si& eet behind her, but maybe she was distracted. *robably she was. )7dalyn") ;he 6umped a lile bit and turned over a shoulder. shoulder. here she was, he 3hat irl o 0is Areams. hose almond eyes, the perect blend o innocence and eline devilishness4 those angular cheeks that sloped away like mesas in some beau+ul spring+me feld4 those thin lips, no lips+ck, as i she wanted the spirit o her ragility emphasi9ed. #n almost every pic he saw o her, her, those lips were upturned in a sharp $?$ smile that was both cute and ar+fcial. 0e waited to see that $?$ appear at the sight o him. !ut she didn$t smile. hat was okay, fne even. ;he was scared, or supposed to be scared. 7nd yet he saw no ear on her ace, no wide eyes, no strained e&pression, e&pression, no trembling4 there was an odd vacuity in her
eatures, as i she were wai+ng or her reac+on to be painted on. ;he looked at him but also past him. )0i . . .) ;he liCed one hand in a weak gesture. Iake nails, the kind that can scratch you up good. hat was wrong with her" Aid she not recogni9e him" 3ouldn$t be possible, not with all the pictures o himsel he had sent to her. her. 0ow could she not' )>ou )>ou can sit down,) she told him, as i she were a secretary telling a 6ob applicant to take a seat. 0e hesitated. #n the ar corner o the par++oned room sat someone he didn$t see beore- a beey middle1aged woman with a dyke haircut. ther than the ew patrons sing in the main dining room, there was only one other person around. hat happened to all those creepy guys who wouldn$t leave her alone" hy did this eel . . . not right" !ut he sat down anyway. anyway. course he did. 0e slid in the booth opposite her and placed the /cAonald$s cup on the table. 0ere sat beore him he oman o 0is Areams, the one who had shown all o hersel to him through in+mate pictures and deep chat sessions where she e&pressed her hopes and ears and deepest secrets. 7nd yet, she didn$t look at him. ;he stared down at the table as i the +led design held something o value. ;he didn$t seem bored, e&actly, but not ar o84 the downcast e&pression e&pression and absent way she swirled her straw around the rim o her cup c up o ice water suggested she inhabited a purgatorial state, state, like the wai+ng room o a Aoctor$s oSce. )ai1n, yes- she was wai1n or something. ;omething that was not ou )>ou ok") he asked. ;he nodded her head, didn$t look at him. he punkass sing behind her took o8 his stocking cap and set it on the table. he white puall on top had an ashy smudge in the middle, making it look like an eye.
Is that the guy who wouldn't leave u alone? Din.
7 amiliar sound. he same one he used or his phone. E&cept it didn$t come rom his phone. 0e looked at her speckled Hello &i0y i*hone i*hone res+ng hither on the table. he countertop beneath her
phone didn$t vibrate, and the in had sounded muUed, as i buried under a collec+on o coats. 0e fled this anomaly away with the rest o them'the lack o guys hovering around her person4 her ini+al unresponsiveness unresponsiveness to her name4 and 6ust her overall detached atude- honestly, honestly, though, who cared about any o that shit" ho cared when he oddess o 0is Areams was sing here in ront o him, wai+ng to be rescued" od amn she was so prey. ;o prey and delicate, helpless. )>our phone$s 6ust like ;aul oodman$s in 'e0er :all Saul .) .) 0e nodded toward her phone on the table, trying to draw her aen+on to the message he 6ust sent. )0e had a pink Hello &i0y phone, phone, # think it was a Bip phone. >ours >ours is more purple, purple1pink, it$s got that sparkly stu8 all over it. #t$s an i*hone too, obviously.) ;he 6ust stared at him. )No, wait,) he con+nued. )#t$s not 'e0er :all Saul. # mean the phone$s not on that show, that$s 6ust the pre%uel. #t was on 'rea-in 'a . # mean ;aul oodman$s character was in that, that show. hat$s the one the spin1o8 came rom, but his phone, his phone was in that show. he 'rea-in 'a show. show. he Hello &i0y phone. phone. Not Saul .) .) Din. hat one defnitely came rom his own phone. 7 in and a vibra+on in his lap like a la9y se& toy. hat the hell" ;he hadn$t touched her phone at all, 6ust glared at him and orced him into babbling some pop culture nonsense. here was no way she could have 6ust sent him a message. Onless it was rom someone else. !ut it wasn$t rom someone else. 0e looked down and read a te&t rom 7dalyn.
Ya he wants to rape me bum
Buttpirates of the aribbean say !""""""se## hore you talking to") she asked, the girl who was named 7dalyn a ew seconds ago. )0e$s talkin to me babe@) said a voice behind her back, a voice with a heavy !rooklyn accent' taw-in or $talkin.$ he punkass turned around and aS&ed ou )>ou don$t want that, dude. !elieve me.) )/an that$s uckin rude as hell. Aon$t 6ust grab shit oua my hand. e don$t do that /ickey /ouse shit here. ;ay sorry.) ou 6ust really don$t want to drink that, # was doing you a avor. #t$s Bat as hell.) )ell you don$t goa be grabbin g rabbin shit like that. /ake me nervous, ner vous, doin shit like that.)
showed no change. ;he was probably used to this. )#$s 6ust kiddin, askin you to say sorry,) said the punkass. 0e ine&plicably held out his taooed hand again or another shake. )Name$s ;loan. Nice to fnally meet you, our )>our name$s not 7dalyn, # take it.) )3heck out the big brains on !re@) ;loan clapped his hands, his hallowed ace turning mirthul. )>ou a smart motherucker.) )>eah, # can %uote #ulp Fic1on too.) )# know you can, believe me,) said ;loan. )0ow many +mes you tell me about that movie, that like #ulp Fic1on was the last good movie that director made, what$s his name. 3$mon yo, what$s his name") ou )>ou mean, was it me talkin to you the whole +me") said ;loan. )# talk to you in the chat room and # send you those te&ts, yeah that$s true, but it$s not like # can take ull credit. # had some help here, didn$t #.) 0e put his arm around her, pulled her to him. )#$d call her my boom bitch i # had no respect or her, but she ain$t no bitch. Aon$t you call her a bitch.) ou never thought it weird you$re talking ( taw-in to a cam girl and she barely like, wants to get on web cam with you" # made her do it that one +me 6ust to keep up appearances, but c$mon man. ;he 6ust shows you all her nudie pictures she took in all her cam sessions, and that$s it, no webcam or you e&cept that one +me # made her get on or like a second. hy you never think that was weird, huh") )# don$t know,) said ou eel me") ou$re gonna take out the ma&imum daily withdrawal, we take the cash. # you been a good boy up to that point we cut you loose, but you$re gonna leave us that debit card o$ yours so we can take us out a ew more withdrawals withdrawals in the days ahead. nce we got all we need we cut your card into pieces, and all o us skip along on our merry way. od willing we never see each other or talk to each e ach other ever again. 0ow$s that sound with you, you cool with that")
)0ey.) ;loan snapped his fngers twice in ront o ou$re )>ou$re not in the posi+on to make demands,) reminded ;loan, his eyebrows slan+ng down. )hat$d # tell you not to do earlier") )Not to call her a bitch") )>eah, )>eah, well, how bout we amend that, you 6ust not call her anything at all. #t ain$t her you been talking (taw-in to the whole +me. #t ain$t her you showed your cock to. #t ain$t her') )>ou )>ou think #$m embarrassed # sent you that') )#t ain$t her that$s gonna cut your piece o8 and mail it to your mama. #t ain$t her that$s gonna uck with your mom and the rest o your amily long aCer you gone. ;he ain$t a part o this. >ou >ou think you been talkin to her the whole +me, you got your heart broken" Aon$t bring none o that whiny shit on this poor thing here. %7m here. #$m right here. # told you my name, that$s all you need to know.) know.) )Aid you like it") 7 pause. #t was ;loan$s ; loan$s turn to be nonplussed. )hat, your dick") )>eah.) )>eah.) he words began to spill rom ou really chae yoursel that way, some+mes it takes you hours to come on that shit. !ut man, it$s all about the 6ourney, innit" hat$s some good +mes.) 7nother pause, this one longer. longer. !oth o them were staring at him now, mouths slightly agape. 0e used this break in the proceedings to sip rom his eli&ir. 7nd then he had another. )No, you weren$t hard,) said ;loan, his brow urled. )Fust a normal limp dick. e leavin now") eah we$re gonna take a ride,)
)>ou )>ou %uit uckin with us now,) now,) he growled. 0is nostrils twitched. )# really will gut you the uck open.)
ou goa tell me where to go.) );tart the ucking car@) ou$re gonna %uit watchin us back here. >ou$re gonna drive up there take a leC and you keep on going +ll # tell you di8erent.)
he highway outside the #0* was smooth and silent. here was emp+ness abound'empty lanes, empty tracts o unplowed armland, empty minds in the backseat. ell, those minds weren$t %uite empty4 they had e&tor+on on the brain. hankully, hankully, ;loan didn$t seem to have se&ual assault on the brain or or the +me being4 the two o them were sing apart, the middle seat between them. 7dalyn (or whoever she was, but he couldn$t help thinking o her as such stared out her window with her elbow crocked up and head res+ng on a bored fst. ;tupid !itch o 0is Areams had probably done this all beore, several +mes over, over, 6ust going along with everything. ;loan also stared out his window, window, but
he /cAonald$s cup rested in the ront passenger$s seat cup holder (the driver$s side cup rest had broken and allen o8 years ago. 0e leaned over and nabbed the cup, but also turned the wheel right in the process and made the car veer o8 the shoulder into the grass. )/an watch it@) yelled ;loan. )ou orget who you talkin to.) )#$m talking to clockangel, right") )>eah that$s right you lile bitch.) )Aoesn$t sound like #$m the one playing the bitch. # wasn$t the one pretending to be a webcam whore to e&tort money rom someone who lives with their mommy and spends all their +me in a chat room ull o people who do drugs.) )>ou need to watch what you say,) cau+oned the !rooklynite. 0e sounded bored, which was good. 78ec+ng to be disa8ected was a deense mechanism, or so
)No arguments there, #$m a ucking loser. loser. /y point is, she$s gonna be wondering what happened to me i # don$t get back in touch with her soon. >ou >ou think # could give g ive her a call real %uick") )>ou really think #$ma let you have your phone back" hat # tell you back at the restaurant" >ou think you$re in a posi+on to make any kinda demands rom me") )hat$s a lot o %ues+ons,) said eah . . .) ;loan appeared to be thinking about all this, those ew brain cells colliding together in that small head o his. !ut then he hore o 0is Areams had to go and speak up)>ou could always te&t her.) ;loan snapped his head leC, as i he$d orgoen she was there. our stepmommy") interrupted ;loan. )7in$t that what you mean") )>eah, )>eah, that$s what # mean.)
less than a second, then Bicked his eyes back down. );he$s my mom, basically. # think # 6ust said that. ;he had me uninstall the te&t message program on her phone so that there$s no chance c hance she$ll get charged or it. hat way no one sends her one and she doesn$t have to pay'# dunno what it is, twenty1fve cents a te&t" # know it$s stupid, but that$s my mom. r stepmom, whatever. ;he$s one thriCy lady.) 0e knew he was pushing it. 0e set the cup down in his lap, holding it upright between his thighs. ould be needing it soon. 0e didn$t know what or, or, but that seemed beside the point. 0e elt that power again, again, that possi/ility . ;pecifcs didn$t maer, maer, only the eeling. )hat$s her number") asked ;loan. 0e picked up the phone and turned it over. over. 7nother silvery sheen reBected in the rear view mirror'the hun+ng knie between his legs. )Aude, # don$t think anything good would o a total stranger calling my mom and telling her #$m okay.)
he car smashed into the tree with an e&plosive impact.
0e didn$t allow himsel to pause4 once he was done rolling, he whipped himsel up to his eet. 0e ignored the cuts and scrapes sc rapes and general hungover eeling as he observed the wreckage o his aurus. he bumper was used to the skin o the tree. he hood was bent upward, e&posing the engine whose innards were crunched into each other. other. he hood was pressed ar enough e nough back to poke through the windshield, whose glass was cracked in a million di8erent places without shaering apart completely. he only part o the car that wasn$t seriously maimed was the back hal. hal. ou guys should be able to trace it, but i you don$t, it$s 6ust whatever. whatever. )# repeat- # was carrying two assholes in my backseat against my will. hey had a knie to my throat and were going to use my 7/ card to e&tort money rom me. # crashed my car into a tree and rolled away at the last second to prevent this rom happening. #$m staying on the line and throwing my phone in a nearby feld so that you guys can trace my loca+on, because rankly # don$t think it$s a good idea or me to s+ck around. # don$t know i my assailants are alive or dead, and # don$t want to s+ck around to fnd out. );ir, i you could 6ust') !ut he didn$t hear any more. 0e lobbed his phone into the sterile arm feld surrounding this middle o nowhere locale. 0e didn$t really care i the police came or not, but who knows" /aybe they would. he leC passenger side door ell open as i the car were sing on an incline, and out came ;loan. 0e didn$t so much get out o the car as literally all rom it, his hands and head hing the ground at the same +me. 0e lay ace1up, his arms spread to his sides like Fesus on the cross. 0is camo shorts were riding down hella low below his thighs, e&posing his purple1plaid bo&ers to all the elements. ;ome+me during the scuUe his stocking cap had allen o8. Nowhere was the knie, at least not anywhere
the silver gleam o the knie blade s+cking out rom her other hand. Even with his slowed down percep+on o +me during crisis situa+ons he didn$t have to wonder or long4 now she was coming at him with the knie, screaming and holding it in ront o her like she was charging with a spear. 0e stepped aside easily enough and stuck his oot out, made her trip to the ground. ;he almost ell on the knie but dropped it at the last second. 0e hopped over her body and grabbed the hun+ng knie. hen 7dalyn started to push hersel up, he pointed the sharp end o the knie at her ace. ;he stopped in mid push1up.) )/an this is kinda un when you$re on the other end.) 0e raised the blade up in ront o his ace, e&amined the %uarter1inch blade, Bipped it over and back again. )0ow$s it eel when # do this to you") 0e showed her the blade again, waved it at her a lile bit. ;he was staring up but not at him, rather the distance behind him. )7lright, #$m 3hris 0ansen now, why don$t you have a seat right over there.) 0e gestured with t he blade toward ;loan. hen she didn$t immediately move, he said, )3$mon now, get your ass over there. # really don$t mind cung you up a lile bit and then cung mysel so that it looks like you tried to aack me with this thing. # doubt the cops are gonna re%uire much more evidence than that.) Iinally she pushed hersel up and shuUed back to the car wreckage. ;loan was trying to right himsel and get standing, but ell back over every +me. 7dalyn shut the back car door and took her place beside him. ;loan ell over yet again and hit the side o his head on a piece o protruding metal. he resul+ng shriek o pain resounded or miles across this desolate landscape. oo oo bad there was no one around to come to their doors and wonder what in tarna+on was going on, but maybe that was a good thing. here were no witnesses out here. 0e could do anything he wanted to these two uckers. ;ure, he called the cops, but so what" ho was going to believe them" Especially when he put his 7/ card in ;loan$s wallet. 0e didn$t think ;loan would complain. 0e could do anything he wanted. h, the possi/ility . he power . 0e had power now, yes he did, and it wasn$t 6ust because he had the knie in his possession. #t was because he was he *ee *ee /an. )hy aren$t you helping out your prince o a boyriend there")
ou$re )>ou$re really 6ust gonna stay here beside him,) he said, not phrasing it as a %ues+on. 0e threw his hands up. )# don$t give a uck. >ou$re >ou$re a stupid ucking bitch or staying beside your rapist criminal piece o shit boyriend, but there$s something to be said or loyalty, loyalty, right" 0e must uck you real good you wanna stay beside him and hold his hand while you both go to 6ail and spend the ne&t several years behind bars once all the e&tor+on shit you guys have pulled comes to light. r maybe it$s some ;tockholm ;yndrome bullshit you guys got going on. # don$t know. know. #t$s none o my business, right" # eel like
completely, as a maer o act. he only out here came rom the mostly1busted mostly1busted headlights o his aurus aurus which provided a sliver o illumina+on. 0e thought he saw her shadowy outline moving o8 in the distance somewhere behind the tree, through a wide1open feld that was as barren and bleak as her personality. personality. 0e began to wonder what e&actly he saw in clockangel in the frst place. as he 6ust looking or someone to save" ;omeone cute to save" 0er pictures did have something to do with it, he could admit that much to himsel. 0e knew he wouldn$t have bent over backwards or some ugly chick. Aid that make him a bad person" ;tompy seemed to think it did, but uck ;tompy. ;tompy. hat did ;tompy know about being a superhero" >es, there he admied it- he was a superhero. 7dalyn1whoever1she1was may not have said as much to him, but she took his advice and decided to split the scene. Aecided to cut o8 +es with her scummy1ass boyriend and start something new. 7nd who gave her that opportunity" 0e did. 0e saved her. her. #t might not have gone how he thought it would go when he drove out here, but who could argue with the results" 0e saved her. her. ;he was making a break rom her poisonous boyriend. *erhaps she was 6ust running rom the cops, but who cared about the mo+va+on" ho could argue with results" ne way or another, he had saved her. !ut what to do about her poisonous boyriend"
he last ves+ge o moonlight lit the way or
7Cer the cup got a lile over halway ull, he gave it a ew shakes, 9ipped back up. 0e raised the cup in ront o his ace. 0e looked down and met ;loan$s sickly e&pression beore beore raising the cup in the air, air, toas+ng him. 7nd then he drank. ou$re )>ou$re gonna like this. #t$ll make you eel beer.) uuuumm,) )>uuuumm,) said
