WINTER H HOMEWORK A ASSIGNMENT
Due: First day of third term – January 2014 Requirements: Minimum 600 words Worth the equivaent of ! "omewor# $ssi%nments &wi 'e (ounted toward third)term homewor# %rade*
OBJECTIVE In philosophy, " the Absurd " refers to the conflict between the human tendency tendency to seek inherent inherent value and meanin meaning g in life life and the human human inabili inability ty to find find any. any. In this this contex contextt absurd absurd does not mean "logical "logically ly impossible," but rather "humanly impossible." [Wikipedia, Absurdism Absurdism +o far this year, in the readin% of iterary wor#s, we have s-ent a %reat dea of time fo(usin% on the minor detais, rather than on the e.-erien(e e.-erien(e of readin% itsef/ f (ourse, this is a vaua'e edu(ationa edu(ationa e.-erien(e, e.-erien(e, as it affords affords us the understandin understandin% % that the detais are of equa, often often %reater im-ortan im-ortan(e, (e, than the -ot of the story itsef/ itsef/ t is im-ortant to deveo- s#is at anayin% meanin%s and inter-retin% sym'os -resented in the te.ts we have read, 'ut that is not a there is to readin% iterature/ ne of the %reatest 3oys of readin% is that we are for(ed to surrender ourseves to the author and et himher ta#e us on a 3ourney 3ourney into a word of hisher own (reation: (reation: a 3ourney that e.ists in our minds/ We read a word, word, or a -hrase, and we mi%ht -ause and ima%ine what is 'ein% said in our own heads: a -i(ture forms and our ima%ination (onne(ts with the written -hrase of the 'oo#/ ur eyes return to the -a%e and we (ontinue/ (ontinue/ ur ima%ination ima%ination 'e(omes i#e a -u--et: the words -u its strin%s/ When readin%, we %ive the author i(ense i(ense to 'reathe words at us with %reat funess of 'reath/ 5he words must -ass throu%h us, mind and 'ody, whether understood (om-etey or inadequatey, and (oor the was of our minds with new 'a(#%rounds, im-ressions, and ideas/ 5he an%ua%e itsef has a musi( to it/ It does not always need to be understood but only e!"er#en$ed% +ometimes what the author intended intended and what we %et out of the written wor# do not mat(h u- at a: this is a natura -henomenon, and shoud not 'e a sour(e of disa--ointment/ n s-ite of the writers writers intentions, the reader aways aways has the -ower to determine what the words are truy sayin%/ sayin%/ 7ven thou%h the a(t of writin% is, in some ways, a sefish -ro(ess, the a(t of readin% must 'e equay so/ +ometimes, it is diffi(ut to understand what the author wishes to e.-ress, and so we must use our ima%inations/ We shoud foow the fow of the iterary wor#, as# ourseves questions aon% the way, 'ut not too many to rue out the -ossi'iities/ t is the -ossi'iities -ossi 'iities that are most im-ortant/ We shoud as# ourseves the questions 8 Why! Why! and What What is the author trying to say!# as as often as -ossi'e, 'ut not so often as to ruin the en3oyment of readin%/ +ometimes, we shoud a((e-t what we are 'ein% %iven/ It #s t&e aut&or's un#(erse) t&e aut&or *ets to +a,e t&e rules% Howe(er t&e reader st#ll &as t&e -le!#b#l#ty to .uest#on t&e+ and to #nter"ret t&e+ as &e/s&e w#s&es% With this in mind, want to %ive you a a first e.-erien(e at enterin% the dee-y weird, yet fas(inatin% 9niverse of i#oai ;asiievi
o-rish(hin/ n readin% a wor# i#e this, you are enterin% the head of the -rota%onist/ ?ou are seein% thin%s as he sees them, understandin% events the way he understands them: this doesnt ne(essariy mean that this is how they ha--ened/ When ideas are -resented throu%h (hara(ters, they are not 'ein% -resented as the ob7e$t#(e trut& of the situation, 'ut rather as the truth as seen from someone#s point&of&view, whi(h is vasty different/ different/ 5he reader is, thus, eft to ma#e sense of thin%s@if, in fa(t, any sense (an 'e made/ n readin% a story i#e this, it is essentia that you understand understand that not a detais are %oin% to ma#e o%i(a sense sense to you/ 5hey wi indeed a'ide 'y a (ertain o%i(, 'ut it wi 'e one stee-ed in the a'surdity of human (onstru(ts/ ften times, 'y entertainin% a'surdity in iterature, we are 'rou%ht to fa(e the a'surdities -revaent in the human 9niverse, and we are for(ed to fa(e the a'surdities we mas# even within ourseves/ My 'est advi(e to you: *o w#t& t&e -low% I+a*#ne t&e strea+ o- words as water -low#n* t&rou*& you% 8et t&e+ ta,e you w&ere t&ey +ay%
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HOMEWORK A ASSIGNMENT 1WORTH 4 HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENTS HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENTS 6 9T&e letter #s -a#rly le*#ble but t&e &andwr#t#n* #s so+ew&at do**#s&%: 0 ?ou are Me%%y the do%/ Write a etter to Fide the do%, 'riefy retein% the story of >o-rish(hin/ n this etter, Me%%y shoud attem-t to anaye the (ause of his stran%e 'ehavior, -rovidin% her own -ers-e(tives in addition to those of the towns-eo-e shes en(ountered on her daiy wa#s throu%h town/ ma%ine that various rumors a'out >o-rish(hins stran%e 'ehavior have 'een s-readin% amon% the towns-eo-e and that Me%%y has had a (han(e to overhear a ot of (onversations on the to-i(/ Ae as ima%inative and (reative as -ossi'eB M#n#+u+) ;<< words 0 =ue on t&e -#rst day o- >? $lass #n t&e T&#rd ter+%
E@TRA CRE=IT ASSIGNMENT
1WORTH ? TO TOWAR= NE@T E@AM6
Write a short story &a'out anythin% you i#e and in any stye you i#e* usin% a minimum of 10 vo(a'uary words from 'o (ill a %ockingbird / $ ma.imum of C wi 'e %iven for e.(e-tiona wor# that %oes a'ove and 'eyond the requirements/ $n e.tra 2 may 'e awarded if the story aso in(udes eements of a'surdism or surreaism/ =ue on t&e -#rst day o- >? $lass #n t&e T&#rd ter+%
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=IARD O A MA=MAN BD NIKO8AI VASI8IEVI GOGO8
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October 3rd.--A 3rd.--A strange occurrence has taken place to-day. I got up fairly late, and when Mawra brought me my clean boots, I asked her how late it was. When I heard it had long struck ten, I dressed as quickly as possible. o tell the truth, I would rather rather not ha!e gone to the office at all to-day, for I know beforehand beforehand that our department-chie department-chieff will look as sour as !inegar. "or some time past he has been in the habit of saying to me, #$ook here, my friend% there is something wrong with your head. &ou often rush about as though you were possessed. hen you make such confused abstracts of the documents that the de!il himsel f cannot make them out% you write the title without any capital letters, and add neither the date nor the docket-number.# he long-legged scoundrel' (e is certainly en!ious of me, because I sit in the director)s work-room, and mend (is *+cellency)s pens. In a word, I should not ha!e gone to the office if I had not hoped to meet the accountant, and perhaps squeee a little ad!ance out of this skinflint. A terrible man, this accountant' As for hi s ad!ancing one)s salary once in a way-- you might sooner e+pect the skie s to fall. &ou may beg and beseech beseech him, and be on the !ery !erge of ruin--this ruin--this grey de!il won)t budge budge an inch. At the same time, time, his own cook at home, as all the world knows, bo+es his ears. I really don)t see what good one gets by ser!ing in our department. here are no plums there. In the fiscal and udicial offices it is quite different. here some ungainly fellow sits in a corner and writes and writes% he has such a shabby coat and such an ugly mug that one would like to spit on both of them. ut you should should see what a splendid country-hou country-house se he has rented. (e would not condescend condescend to accept a gilt porcelain porcelain cup as a present. #&ou can gi!e that to your family doctor,# he would say. /othing less than a pair of chestnut horses, a fine carriage, or a bea!er-fur coat worth three hundred hundred rubles would be good enough enough for him. And yet he seems so mild and quiet, and asks so amiably, amiably, #0lease lend me your penknife% I wish to mend my pen.# /e!ertheless, he knows how to scarify a petitioner till he has hardly a whole stitch left on his body. In our office it must be admitted e!erything is done in a proper and gentlemanly way% there is more cleanness and elegance than one will e!er find in 1o!ernment offices. he tables are mahogany, and e!eryone is addressed as #sir.# And truly, were it not for this official propriety, I should long ago ha!e sent in my resignation. I put on my old cloak, and took my umbrella, as a light rain was falling. /o one was to be seen on the streets e+cept some women, who had had flung their skirts o!er their heads. (ere and there one saw a cabman or a shopman with his umbrella up. 2f the higher classes one only saw an official here and there. 2ne I saw at the street-crossing, and thought to myself, #Ah' my friend, you are not going to the office, but after that young lady who walks in front of you. &ou are us t like the officers who run after e!ery petticoat they see.# As I was thus following the train of my thoughts, I saw a carriage stop before a shop ust as I was passing it. I recognised it at once% i t was our director)s carriage. #(e has nothing to do in the shop,# I said to my self% #it must be his daughter.# I pressed myself close against the wall. A lackey opened the carriage door, and, as I had e+pected, she fluttered like a bird out of it. (ow proudly she looked right and left% how she drew her eyebrows together, and shot lightning bolts from her eyes--good hea!ens' I am lost, hopelessly lost' ut why must she come out in such abominable weather3 And yet they say women are so mad on their finery'
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4he did not recognise me. I had wrapped myself as closely as possi ble in my cloak. It was dirty and old-fashioned, and I would not ha!e liked to ha!e been seen by her wearing it. /ow they wear cloaks with long collars, but mine has only a short double collar, and the cloth is of inferior quality. (er little dog could not get into the shop, and remained outside. I know this dog% its name is #Meggy.# efore I had been standing there a minute, I heard a !oice call, #1ood day, Meggy'# Who the de!il was that3 I looked round and saw two ladies hurrying by under an umbrella--one old, the other fairly young. hey had already passed me when I heard the same !oice say again, #"or shame, Meggy'# What was that3 I saw Meggy sniffing at a dog which ran behind the ladies. he de!il' I thought to myself, #I am not drunk3 hat happens pretty seldom.# #/o, "idel, you are wrong,# I heard Meggy say quite distinctly. #I was--bow--wow'--I was--bow' wow' wow'--!ery ill.# What an e+traordinary dog' I was, to tell the truth, quite amaed to hear it talk human language. ut when I considered the matter well, I ceased to be astonished. astonished. In fact, such things ha!e already happened happened in the world. It is said that in *ngland *ngland a fish put its head out of water and said a word or two in such an e+traordinary language that learned men ha!e been puling o!er them for three years, and ha!e not succeeded in interpreting them yet. I also read in the paper of two cows who entered a shop and asked for a pound of tea. Meanwhile what Meggy went on to say seemed to me still more remarkable. 4he added, #I wrote to you lately, "idel% perhaps 0olkan did not bring you the letter.# /ow I am willing to forfeit a whole month)s salary if I e!er heard of dogs writing before. his has certainly astonished me. "or some little time past I hear and see things which no other man has heard and seen. #I will,# I thought, #follow that dog in order to get to the bottom of the matter. Accordingly, I opened my umbrella and went after the two ladies. hey went down ean 4treet, turned through 5itien 4treet and 5arpenter 4treet, and finally halted on the 5uckoo ridge before a large house. I know this house% it is 4!erkoff)s. What a monster he is' What sort of people li!e there' (ow many cooks, how many bagmen' here are brother officials of mine also there packed on each other li ke herrings. And I ha!e a friend there, a fine player on the cornet.# he ladies mounted mounted to the fifth story. #6ery good,# good,# thought I% #I will make a note of the number, number, in order to follow up the matter at the first opportunity.# 77777 October 4th.--o-day 4th. --o-day is Wednesday, and I was as usual in the office. I came early on purpose, sat down, and mended all the pens. 2ur director director must be a !ery cle!er man. he whole room is full of bookcases. I read the titles of some of the books% they were !ery learned, beyond the comprehension of people of my class, and all in "rench and 1erman. 1erman. I look at his face% see' how much dignity there is in his eyes. I ne!er hear a single superfluous word from his mouth, e+cept that when he hands o!er the documents, he asks #What sort of weather is it3# /o, he is not a man of our class% he is a real statesman. I ha!e already noticed that I am am a special fa!ourite of his. If now his daughter also--ah' what folly--let me say no more about it' I ha!e read the Northern Bee. Bee . What foolish people the "rench are' y hea!ens' I should like to tackle them all, and gi!e them a thrashing. I ha!e also read a fine description of a ball gi!en by a landowner of 8ursk. he landowners of 8ursk write a fine style. hen I noticed that it was already half-past twel!e, and the director had not yet left his bedroom. ut about half-past one something happened happened which no pen can describe. he door opened. I thought it was the director% I umped up with my documents from the seat, and--then--she--herself--came into the room. &e saints' how beautifully she was dressed. (er garments were whiter than a swan)s plumage--oh how splendid' A sun, indeed, a real sun' 4he greeted me and asked, #(as not my father come yet3# Ah' what a !oice. A canary bird' A real canary bird' #&our *+cellency,# I wanted to e+claim, #don)t ha!e me e+ecuted, but if it must be done, then kill me rather with your own angelic angelic hand.# ut, 1od knows why, I could not bring it out, so I only said, #/o, he has not come yet.# 4he glanced at me, looked at the books, and let her handkerchief fall. Instantly I started up, but slipped on the infernal polished floor, and nearly broke my nose. 4till I succeeded in picking up the handkerchief. &e hea!enly choirs, what a handkerchief' 4o tender and soft, of the finest cambric. It had the scent of a general)s rank' 4he thanked me, and smiled so amiably that her sugar lips nearly melted. hen she left the room.
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After I had sat there about an hour, a flunkey flunkey came in and said, #&ou can go home, Mr Mr I!ano!itch% the director has already gone out'# I cannot stand these lackeys' hey hang about the !estibules, and scarcely !ouchsafe to greet one with a nod. &es, sometimes it is e!en worse% once one of these rascals offered me his snuff-bo+ without e!en getting up from his chair. #9on)t you know then, you country-bumpkin, that I am an official and of aristocratic birth3# his time, howe!er, I took my hat and o!ercoat quietly% these people naturally ne!er think of helping one on with it. I went home, lay a good while on the bed, and wrote some !erses in my note:
#)is an hour since I saw thee, And it seems a whole long year% If I loathe my own e+istence, (ow can I li!e on, my dear3#
I think they are by 0ushkin. In the e!ening I wrapped myself in my cloak, hastened to the director)s house, and waited there a long time to see if she would come out and get into the carriage. I only wanted to see her once, but she did not come. 77777 November 6th.--2ur 6th. --2ur chief clerk has gone mad. When I came to the office to-day he called me to his room and began as follows: #$ook here, my friend, what wild ideas ha!e got into your head3# #(ow' What3 /one at all,# I answered. #5onsider well. &ou are already past forty% it is quite time to be reasonable. What do you imagine3 imagine3 9o you think I don)t know all your tricks3 Are you trying to pay court to the director)s daughter3 $ook at yourself and realise what you are' A non-entity, nothing else. I would not gi!e a kopeck for you. $ook well in the glass. (ow can you ha!e such thoughts with such a caricature of a face3# May the de!il take him' ecause his own face has a certain resemblance to a medicine-bottle, because he has a curly bush of hair on his head, and sometimes combs it upwards, and sometimes plasters it down in all kinds of queer ways, he thinks that he can do e!erything. I know well, I know why he is angry with me. (e is en!ious% perhaps he has noticed the tokens of fa!our which ha!e been graciously shown me. ut why should I bother about him3 A councillor' What sort of important animal is that3 (e wears a gold c hain with his watch, buys himself boots at thirty rubles a pair% may the de!il take him' Am I a tailor)s son or some other obscure cabbage3 I am a nobleman' I can also work my way up. I am ust forty-two--an age when a man)s real career generally begins. Wait a bit, my friend' I, too, may get to a superior)s rank% or perhaps, if 1od is gracious, e!en to a higher one. I shall make a name which will far outstrip yours. &ou think there are no able men e+cept yourself3 I only need to order a fashionable coat and wear a tie like yours, and you would be quite eclipsed. ut I ha!e no money--that is the worst part of it' 77777 November 8th.--I 8th. --I was at the theatre. #he ;ussian (ouse-"ool# was performed. I laughed heartily. here was also a kind of musical comedy which contained amusing hits at barristers. he language was !ery broad% I wonder how the censor passed it. In the comedy, lines occur which accuse the merchants of cheating% their sons are said to l ead immoral li!es, and to beha!e !ery disrespectfully towards the nobility. he critics also are cri ticised% they are said only to be able to find fault, so that authors ha!e to beg the public for protection. 2ur modern dramatists certainly write amusing things. I am !ery fond of the theatre. If I ha!e only a kopeck in my p ocket, I always go there. Most of my fellow-officials are uneducated boors, and ne!er enter a theatre unless one throws free tickets at their head. 2ne actress sang di!inely. I thought also of--but si lence' 77777 November 9th.--About 9th. --About eight o)clock I went to the office. he chief clerk pretended not to notice my arri!al. I, for my part, also beha!ed as though he were not in e+istence. I read through and collated documents. About four o)clock I left. I passed by the director)s house, but no one was to be seen. After dinner, I lay for a good while on the bed. 77777 November 11th.--o-day 11th. --o-day I sat in the director)s room, mended twenty-three pens for him, and for (er--for (er *+ cellence, his daughter, four more. he director likes to see many pens lying on his table. What a head he must ha!e' (e continually wraps himself in silence, but I don)t think the smallest smallest trifle escapes his eye. I should like to know what he is generally generally thinking of, what is really going going on in this brain% I should like to get acquainted with the whole manner of life of these gentlemen, and get a closer !iew of their cunning courtiers) arts, and all the acti!ities of these
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circles. I ha!e often thought of asking (is *+cellence about them% them% but--the de!il knows why'--e!ery why'--e!ery time my tongue tongue failed me and I could get nothing out but my meteorological report. I wish I could get a look into the spare-room whose door I so often see open. And a second small room behind the spare-room e+cites my curiosity. (ow splendidly it is fitted up% what a quantity of mirrors and choice china it contains' I should also like to cast a glance into those regions where (er *+cellency, the daughter, wields the sceptre. I should like to see how all the scent-bottles scent-bottles and bo+es are arranged in her boudoir, and the flowers which e+hale so delicious a scent that one is half afraid to breathe. And her clothes lying about which are too ethereal to be called clothes--but silence' o-day there came to me what seemed a hea!enly inspiration. I remembered the con!ersation between between the two dogs which I had o!erheard on the /e!ski 0rospect. 0rospect. #6ery good,# I thought% #now I see my way clear. I must get hold of the corresponde correspondence nce which these two silly dogs ha!e carried on with each other. In it, I shall probably find many things e+plained.# I had already once called Meggy to me and said to her, #$isten, Meggy' /ow we are alone together% if you like, I will also shut the door so that no one can see us. ell me now all that y ou know about your mistress. I swear to you that I will tell no one.# ut the cunning dog drew in its tail, ruffled up its hair, and went quite quietly out of the door, as though it had heard nothing. I had long been of the opinion that dogs are much cle!erer than men. I also belie!ed that they could talk, and that only a certain obstinacy kept them from doing so. hey are especially watchful animals, and nothing escapes their obser!ation. /ow, cost what it may, I will go to-morrow to 4!erkoff)s house in order to ask after "idel, and if I ha!e luck, to get hold of all the letters which Meggy has written to her. 77777 November 12th.--o-day, 12th. --o-day, about two o)clock in the afternoon, I started in order, by some means or other, to see "idel and question her. I cannot stand this smell of 4auerkraut which assail s one)s olfactory ner!es from all the shops i n 5itien 4treet. here also e+hales such an odour from under each house door, that one must hold one)s nose and pass by quickly. here ascends also so much smoke and soot from the artisans) shops that it is almost impossible to get through it. When I had climbed up to the si+th story, and had rung the bell, a rather pretty girl with a freckled face came out. I recognised her as the companion of the old lady. 4he blushed a little and asked #What do you want3# #I want to ha!e a little con!ersation with your dog.# 4he was a simple-minded girl, as I saw at once. he dog came running and barking loudly. I wanted to take hold of it, but the abominable beast nearly caught caught hold of my nose with its teeth. ut in a corner of the room I saw its sleeping-ba sleeping-basket. sket. Ah' that was what I wanted. I went to it, rummaged in the straw, and to my great satisfaction drew out a little packet of small pieces of paper. When the hideous little dog saw this, it first bit me in the calf of the leg, and then, as soon as it had become aware of my theft, it began to whimper and to fawn on me% but I said, #/o, you little beast% good-bye'# and hastened away. I belie!e the girl thought me mad% at any rate she was thoroughly alarmed. When I reached my room I wished to get to work at once, and read through the letters by daylight, since I do not see well by candle-light% but the wretched Mawra had got the idea of sweeping the floor. hese blockheads of "innish women are always clean where there is no need to be. I then went for a little walk and began to think o!er what had happened. happened. /ow at last I could get to the bottom of all facts, ideas and moti!es' hese letters letters would e+plain e!erything. e!erything. 9ogs are cle!er fellows% they know all about politics, and I will certainly certainly find in the letters all I want, especially the character of the director and all his relationships. And through these letters I will get information about her who--but silence' owards e!ening I came home and lay for a good while on the bed. 77777 November 13th.--/ow 13th. --/ow let us see' he letter is fairly legible but the handwriting is somewhat doggish. 77777 #9ear "idel'--I "idel'--I cannot get accustomed accustomed to your ordinary name, as if they could not ha!e found a better one for you' "idel' (ow tasteless' (ow ordinary' ut this is not the time to discuss it. I am !ery glad that we thought of corresponding with each other.# <he letter is quite correctly written. he punctuation and spelling are perfectly right. *!en our head clerk does not write so simply and clearly, though he declares he has been at the =ni!ersity. $et us go on.> #I think that it is one of the most refined oys of this world to interchange thoughts, feelings, and impressions.# <()m' his idea comes from some book which has been translated from 1erman. I can)t remember the title.>
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#I speak from e+perience, e+perience, although although I ha!e not gone farther farther into the world than ust before before our front front door. 9oes not my life pass happily and comfortably3 My mistress, whom her father calls 4ophie, is quite in lo!e with me.# #(er father also often strokes me. I drink tea and coffee coffee with cream. &es, my dear, I must confess to you that I find no satisfaction in those large, gnawed-at bones which 0olkan de!ours in the kitchen. 2nly the bones of wi ld fowl are good, and that only when the marrow has not been sucked out of them. hey taste !ery nice with a li ttle sauce, but there should be no green stuff in it. ut I know nothing worse than the habit of gi!ing dogs balls of bread kneaded up. 4omeone sits at table, kneads a bread-ball bread-ball with dirty fingers, calls you and sticks it in your mouth. 1ood manners manners forbid your refusing it, and you eat it--with disgust it is true, but you eat it.# <he de!il' What is this3 What rubbish' As i f she could find nothing more suitable to write about' I will see if there is anything more reasonable on the second page.> #I am quite willing to inform you of e!erything that goes on here. I ha!e already mentioned the most important person in the house, whom 4ophie calls )0apa.) (e is a !ery strange man.# #... a strange man. 1enerally he is silent% he only speaks seldom, but about a week ago he kept on repeating to himself, )4hall I get it or not3) In one hand he took a sheet of paper% the other he stretched out as though to recei!e something, and repeated, )4hall I get it or not3) 2nce he turned to me with the question, )What do you think, Meggy3) I did not understand in the least what he meant, sniffed at his boots, and went away. A week later he came home with his face beaming. hat morning he was !isited by se !eral officers in uniform who congratulated him. At the dinner-table he was in a better humour than I ha!e e!er seen him before.# #0ardon, my dear, I hasten to conclude, etc., etc. o-morrow I will finish the letter.# 77777 #/ow, good morning% here I am again at your ser!ice. o-day my mistress 4ophie ...# #... was in an unusually e+cited state. 4he went to a ball, and I was glad that I could write to you in her absence. 4he likes going to balls, al though she gets dreadfully irritated while dressing. I cannot understand, my dear, what is the pleasure pleasure in going to a ball. 4he comes home from the ball at si+ o)clock in the early morning, and to udge by her pale and emaciated face, she has had nothing to eat. I could, frankly speaking, not endure such an e+istence. If I could not get partridge with sauce, or the wing of a roast chicken, I don)t know what I should do. 0 orridge with sauce is also tolerable, but I can get up no enthusiasm for carrots, turnips, and artichokes.# 77777 he style is !ery unequal' 2ne sees at once that it has not been written by a man. man. he beginning is quite intelligent, but at the end the the canine nature breaks out. I will read another letter% it is rather long and there is no date. 77777 #Ah, my dear, how delightful is the arri!al of spring' My heart beats as though it e+pected something. something. here is a perpetual ringing in my ears, so that I often stand with my foot raised, raised, for se!eral se!eral minutes at a time, and listen towards towards the door. In confidence, confidence, I will tell you that I ha!e many admirers. I often sit on the window-sill and let them pass in re!iew. Ah' if you knew what miscreations there are among them% one, a clumsy house-dog, with stupidity written on his face, walks the street with an important air and imagines that he is an e+tremely important person, and that the eyes of all the world are fastened on him. I don)t pay him the least attention, and pretend not to see him at all. #And what a hideous bulldog has taken up his post opposite my window' window' If he stood on his hind-legs, as the monster probably cannot, he would would be taller by a head than my mistress)s papa, who himself has a stately figure. his lout seems, moreo!er, to be !ery impudent. I growl at him, but he does not seem to mind that at all. If he, at least, would only wrinkle his forehead' Instead of that, he stretches out his tongue, droops his big ears, and stares in at the window--this rustic boor' ut do you think, my dear, that my heart remains proof against all temptations3 Alas no' If you had only seen that gentlemanly dog who crept through the fence of the neighbouring house. )reasure) is his name. Ah, my dear, what a delightful snout he has'# <o the de!il with the stuff' What rubbish rubbish it is' (ow can one blacken paper with such absurdities. absurdities. 1i!e me a man. I want to see a man' I need some food to nourish and refresh my mind, and get this sill iness instead. I will turn the page to see if there is anything better on the other side.> #4ophie sat at the table and sewed something. I looked out of the window and amused myself by watching the passers-by. 4uddenly a flunkey entered and announced a !isitor--)Mr. eploff.) #)4how #)4how him in') said 4ophie, and began to embrace me. )Ah' Meggy, Meggy, Meggy, do you know who that is3 (e is dark, and belongs to the ;oyal (ousehold% and what eyes he has' 9ark and brilliant as fire.)
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#4ophie hastened into her room. A minute later a young gentleman with black whiskers entered. (e went to the mirror, smoothed his hair, and looked round the room. I turned away and sat down in my place. #4ophie entered and returned his bow in a friendly manner. #I pretended to obser!e nothing, and continued to look out of the window. ut I leant my head a little on one side to hear what they were talking about. Ah, my dear' what silly things they discussed--how a lady e+ecuted the wrong figure in dancing% how a certain oboff, with his e+pansi!e shirt-frill, had looked like a stork and nearly fallen down% how a certain $idina imagined she had blue eyes when they were really green, etc. #I do not know, my dear, what special charm she finds in her Mr. eploff, and why she is so delighted with him.# #If this gentleman of the (ousehold pleases her, then she must also be pleased, according to my !iew, with that official who sits in her papa)s writing-room. Ah, my dear, if you know what a figure he is' A regular tortoise'# #(e has an e+traordinary name. (e always sits there and mends the pens. (is hair looks like a truss of hay. (er papa always employs him instead of a ser!ant.# #4ophie can ne!er keep from laughing when she sees him.# 77777 &ou lie, cursed dog' What a scandalous tongue' As if I did not know that it is en!y which prompts you, and that here there is treachery at work-yes, the treachery of the chief clerk. his man hates me implacably% he has plotted against me, he is always seeking to inure me. I)ll look through one more letter% perhaps it will make the matter clearer. 77777 #"idel, my dear, pardon me that I ha!e not written for so long. I was floating in a dream of delight. In truth, some author remarks, )$o!e is a second life.) esides, great changes are going on in the house. he young chamberlain is always here. 4ophie is wildly in lo!e with him. (er papa is quite contented. I heard from 1regor, who sweeps the floor, and is in the habit of talking to himself, that the marriage will soon be celebrated. (er papa will at any rate get his daughter married to a general, a colonel, or a chamberlain.# 77777 9e!il take it' I can read no more. It is all about chamberlains and generals. I should like myself to be a general--not in order to sue for her hand and all that--no, not at all% I should li ke to be a general merely in order to see people wriggling, squirming, and hatching plots before me. And then I should like to tell them that they are both of them not worth spitting on. ut it is !e+atious' I tear the foolish dog)s letters up in a thousand pieces. 77777 December 3rd.--It 3rd. --It is not possible that the marriage should take place% it is only idle gossip. What does it signify if he is a chamberlain' hat is only a dignity, not a substantial thing which one can see or handle. (is chamberlain)s office will not procure him a third eye in his forehead. /either is his nose made of gold% it is ust like mine or anyone else)s nose. (e does not eat and cough, but smells and sneees with it. I should like to get to the bottom of the mystery--whence do all these distinctions come3 Why am I only a titular councillor3 0erhaps I am really a count or a general, and only appear to be a titular councillor. 0erhaps I don)t e!en know who and what I am. (ow many cases there are in history of a simple gentleman, or e!en a burgher or peasant, suddenly turning out to be a great lord or baron3 Well, suppose that I appear suddenly in a general)s uniform, on the right shoulder an epaulette, epaulette, on the left an epaulette, and a blue sash across my breast, what sort of a tune would my belo!ed sing then3 What would her papa, our director, say3 2h, he is ambitious' (e is a freemason, certainly a freemason% howe!er much he may conceal it, I ha!e found it out. When he gi!es anyone his hand, he only reaches out two fingers. Well, could not I this minute be nominated a general or a superintendent3 I should like to know why I am a titular councillor--why ust that, and nothing more3 77777 December 5th.--o-day 5th. --o-day I ha!e been reading papers the whole morning. 6ery strange things are happening in 4pain. I ha!e not understood understood them all. It is said that the throne is !acant, the representati!es of the people are in difficulties about finding an occupant, and riots are taking place. All this appears to me !ery strange. (ow can the throne be ! acant3 It i s said that it will be occupied by a woman. A woman cannot sit on a throne. hat is impossible. 2nly a king can sit on a throne. hey say that there is no king there, but that is not possible. here cannot be a kingdom without a king. here must be a king, but he is hidden away somewhere. 0erhaps he is actually on the spot, and only some domestic complications, or fears of the neighbouring 0owers, "rance and other countries, compel him to remain in concealment% there might also be other
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reasons. 77777 December 8th.--I 8th. --I was nearly going to the office, but !arious considerations kept me from doing so. I keep on thinking about these 4panish affairs. (ow is it possible that a woman should reign3 It would not be allowed, especially by *ngland. In the rest of *urope the political situation is also critical% the *mperor of Austria---hese e!ents, to tell the truth, ha!e so shaken and shattered me, that I could really do nothing all day. Mawra told me that I was !ery absentminded at table. In fact, in my absent-mindedness I threw two plates on the ground so that they broke in pieces. After dinner I felt weak, and did not feel up to to making abstracts of reports. I lay most of the time on my my bed, and thought of the 4panish 4panish affairs. 77777 The year 2000: Ar!" 43rd. --o-day is a day of splendid triumph. 4pain has a king% he has been found, and I am he. I disco!ered it to-day% all of a sudden it came upon me like a flash of lightning. I do not understand understand how I could imagine that I am a titular titular councillor. councillor. (ow could such a foolish foolish idea enter my head3 It was fortunate that it occurred to no one to shut me up in an asylum. /ow it is all clear, and as plain as a pikestaff. "ormerly--I don)t know why--e!erything seemed !eiled in a kind of mist. hat is, I belie!e, because people think that the human brain is in the head. /othing of the sort% it is carried by the wind from the 5aspian 4ea. "or the first time I told Mawra who I am. When she learned that the king of 4pain stood before her, she struc k her hands together o!er her head, and nearly died of alarm. he stupid thing had ne!er seen the king of 4pain before' I comforted her, howe!er, at once by assuring her that I was not angry with her for ha!ing hitherto cleaned my boots badly . Women are stupid things% one cannot interest them in lofty subects. 4he was frightened because she thought all kings of 4pain were like 0hili p II. ut I e+plained to her that there was a great difference between me and him. I did not go to the office. Why the de!il should I3 /o, my dear friends, you won)t get me there again' I am not going to worry myself with your infernal documents any more. 77777 #archember 86. Bet$een day and n!%ht. --o-day the office-messenger came and summoned me, as I had not been there for three weeks. I went ust for the fun of the thing. he chief clerk thought I would bow humbly before him, and make e+cuses % but I looked at him quite indi fferently, neither angrily nor mildly, and sat down quietly at my place as though I noticed no one. I looked at all this rabble of scribblers, and thought, #If you only knew who is si tting among you' 1ood hea!ens' what a to-do you would make. *! en the chief clerk would bow himself to the earth before me as he does now before the director.# A pile of reports was laid before me, of which to make abstracts, abstracts, but I did not touch them with one finger. finger. After a little time there was a commotion in the office, and there a report went round that the director was coming. Many of the clerks !ied with each other to attract his notice% but I did not stir. As he came through our room, each one hastily buttoned up his coat% but I had no idea of doing anything of the sort. What is the director to me3 4hould I stand up before him3 /e!er. What sort of a director is he3 (e is a bottle-stopper, and no director. A quite ordinary, simple bottle-stopper--nothing more. I felt quite amused as they ga!e me a document to sign. hey thought I would simply put down my name--#4o-and-so, 5lerk.# Why not3 ut at the top of the sheet, where the director generally writes his name, I inscribed #"erdinand 6III.# in bold characters. &ou should ha!e seen what a re!erential silence ensued. ut I made a gesture with my hand, and said, #1entlemen, no ceremony please'# hen I went out, and took my way straight to the director)s house. (e was not at home. he flunkey wanted not to let me in, but I talked to him in such a way that he soon dropped his arms. I went straight to 4ophie)s dressing-room. 4he sat before the mirror. When she saw me, she sprang up and took a step backwards% but I did not tell her that I was the king of 4pain. ut I told her that a happiness awaited her, beyond her power to imagine% and that in spite of all our enemies) de!ices we should be united. hat was all which I wished to say to her, and I went out. 2h, what cunning creatures these women are' /ow I ha!e found out what woman really is. (itherto no one knew whom a woman really lo!es% I am the first to disco!er it--she lo!es the de!il . &es, oking apart, learned men write nonsense when they pronounce that she is this and that% she lo!es the de!il--that is all. &ou see a woman looking through her lorgnette from a bo+ in the front row. 2ne thinks she is watching that stout gentleman who wears an order. /ot a bit of it' 4he is watching the de!il who stands behind his back. (e has hidden himself there, and beckons to her with his finger. And she marries him--actually--she marries him' hat is all ambition, and the reason is that there is under the tongue a little blister in which there is a little worm of the sie of a pin)s head. And this is constructed by a barber in ean 4treet% 4treet% I don)t remember remember his name at the moment, but so much is certain certain that, in conunction with a midwife, he wants to spread Mohammedanism all o!er the world, and that in consequence of this a large number of people in "rance ha!e already adopted the faith of Islam. 77777 No date. The day had no date. --I went for a walk incognito on the /e!ski 0rospect. I a!oided e!ery appearance of being the king of 4pain. I felt it
below my dignity to let myself be recognised by the whole world, since I must first present myself at court. And I was also restrained by the fact that I ha!e at present no 4panish national costume. If I could only get a cloak' I tried to ha!e a consultation with a tailor, but these people are real asses' Moreo!er, they neglect their business, dabble in speculation, and ha!e become loafers. I will ha!e a cloak made out of my new official uniform which I ha!e only worn twice. ut to pre!ent this botcher of a tailor spoiling i t, I will make it myself with closed doors, so that no one sees me. 4ince the cut must be altogether altered, I ha!e used the scissors myself. 77777 I don)t remember the date. he de!il knows what month it was. he cloak is quite ready. Mawra e+claimed aloud when I put it on. I will, howe!er, not present myself at court yet% the 4panish deputation has not yet arri!ed. It would not be befitting if I appeared without them. My appearance would be less imposing. "rom hour to hour I e+pect them. 77777 The 1&t.--he 1&t.--he e+traordinary long delay of the deputies in coming astonishes me. What can possibly keep them3 0erhaps "rance has a hand in the matter% it is certainly hostilely inc lined. I went to the post office to inquire whether the 4panish deputation had come. he postmaster is an e+traordinary blockhead who knows nothing. #/o,# he said to me, #there is no 4panish deputation here% but if you want to send them a letter, we will forward it at the fi+ed rate.# he de!il' What do I want with a letter3 $etters are nonsense. $etters are written by apothecaries.... 77777 #adr!d' (ebr)ary 30th.--4o 30th. --4o I am in 4pain after all' It has happened so quickly that I could hardly take it in. he 4panish deputies came early this morning, and I got with them into the carriage. his une+pected promptness seemed to me strange. We dro!e so quickly that in half an hour we were at the 4panish frontier. 2!er all *urope now there are cast-iron roads, and the steamers go !ery fast. A wonderful country, this 4pain' As we entered the first room, I saw numerous persons with shorn heads. I guessed at once that they must must be either grandees or soldiers, at least to udge by their shorn heads. he 5hancellor of the 4tate, who led me by the hand, seemed to me to beha!e in a !ery strange way% he pushed me into a little room and said, #4tay here, and if you call yourself )8ing "erdinand) again, I will dri!e the wish to do so ou t of you.# I knew, howe!er, that that was only a test, and I reasserted my my con!iction% on which the 5hancellor ga!e me two such se!ere blows with a stick on the back, that I could ha!e cried out with the pain. ut I restrained myself, remembering that this was a usual ceremony of old-time chi!alr y when one was inducted into a high position, and in 4pain the laws of chi!alry pre!ail up to the present day. When I was alone, I determined to study 4tate affairs% I disco!ered that 4pain and 5hina are one and the same country, and it is only through ignorance that people regard them as separate kingdoms. I ad!ise e!eryone urgently to write down the word #4pain# on a sheet of paper% he will see that it is quite the same as 5hina. ut I feel much annoyed by an e!ent which is about to take place to-morrow% at se!en o)clock the earth is going to sit on the moon. his is foretold by the famous *nglish chemist, Wellington. o tell the truth, I often felt uneasy when I thought of the e+cessi!e brittleness and fragility of the moon. he moon is generally repaired in (amburg, and !ery imperfectly. It is done by a lame cooper, an ob!ious blockhead who has no idea how to do it. (e took wa+ed thread and oli!e-oil--hence that pungent pungent smell o!er all the earth which compels people to hold their noses. And this makes the moon so fragile that no men can li!e on i t, but only noses. herefore we cannot see our noses, because they are on the moon. When I now pictured to myself how the earth, that massi!e body, would crush our noses to dust, if it sat on the moon, I became so uneasy, that I immediately put on my shoes and stockings and hastened into the council-hall to gi!e the police orders to pre!ent the earth sitting on the moon. he grandees with the shorn heads, whom I met in great numbers numbers in the hall, were !ery intelligent people, and when I e+claimed, #1entlemen' let us sa!e the moon, for the earth is going to sit on it,# they all set to work to fulfill my imperial wish, and many of them clambered clambered up the wall in order to take the moon down. At that moment the Imperial 5hancellor came in. As soon as he appeared, they all scattered, but I alone, as king, remained. o my astonishment, howe!er, the 5hancellor beat me with the stick and dro!e me to my room. 4o powerful are ancient customs in 4pain' 77777 *an)ary !n the &ame year' +o""o$!n% a+ter (ebr)ary. --I can ne!er understand what kind of a country this 4pain really is. he popular customs and rules of court etiquette are quite e+traordinary. I do not understand them at all, at all. o-day my head was shorn, although I e+claimed as loudly as I could, that I did not want to be a monk. What happened afterwards, afterwards, when they began to let cold water trickle on my head, I do not know. I ha!e ne!er e+perienced such hellish torments. I nearly went mad, and they had difficulty in holding me. he significance of this strange custom is entirely hidden from me. It is a !ery foolish and unreasonable one. /or can I understand the stupidity of the kings who ha!e not done away with it before now. ?udging by all the circumstances, it seems to me as though I had fallen into the hands of the Inquisition, and as though the man whom I took to be the 5hancellor was the 1rand Inquisitor. ut yet I cannot understand how the king could fall into the hands of the Inquisition. he affair may ha!e been arranged by "rance--especially 0olignac-he is a hound, that 0olignac' (e has sworn to compass my death, and now he is hunting me down. down. ut I know, my friend, that you are only a tool of the *nglish. hey are cle!er fellows, and ha!e a finger in e!ery pie. All the world knows that "rance sneees when *ngland takes a pinch of snuff. 77777 The 25th.--o-day 25th. --o-day the 1rand Inquisitor came into my room% when I heard his steps in the distance, I hid myself under a chair. When he did not see me, he began to call. At first he called #0oprishchin'# I made no answer. hen he called #A+anti I!ano!itch' itular 5ouncillor' /obleman'# I
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still kept silence. #"erdinan #"erdinand d the *ighth, 8ing of 4pain'# 4pain'# I was on the point of putting putting out my head, but I thought, thought, #/o, brother, you shall not decei!e me' &ou shall not pour water on my head again'# ut he had already seen me and dro!e me from under the chair with his stick. he cursed stick really hurts one. ut the following disco!ery compensated me for all the pain, i.e. that e!ery cock has his 4pain under his feathers. he 1rand Inquisitor went angrily away, and threatened me with some punishment punishment or other. I felt only contempt contempt for his powerless powerless spite, for I know that he only works like a machine, machine, like a tool of the *nglish. 77777 34 #arch. (ebr)ary' 349.--/o, 349. --/o, I ha!e no longer power to endure. 2 1od' what are they going to do with me3 hey pour cold water on my head. hey take no notice of me, and seem neither to see nor hear. Why do they torture me3 What do they want from one so wretched as myself3 What can I gi!e them3 I possess nothing. I cannot bear all their tortures% tortures% my head aches as though e!erything e!erything were turning round in a circle. 4a!e me' 5arry me away' 1i!e me three steeds swift as the wind' Mount your seat, coachman, ring bells, gallop horses, and carry me straight out of this world. "arther, e!er farther, till nothing more is to be seen' Ah' the hea!en bends o!er me already% a star glimmers in the distance% the forest with its dark trees in the moonlight rushes past% a bluish mist floats under my feet% music sounds in the cloud% on the one side is the sea, on the other, Italy% beyond I also see ;ussian peasants) houses. houses. Is not my parents) house there in the distance3 9oes not my mother sit by the window3 2 mother, mother, sa!e your unhappy son' $et a tear fall on his aching head' 4ee how they torture him' 0ress the poor orphan to your bosom' (e has no rest in this world% they hunt him fr om place to place. Mother, mother, ha!e pity on your sick child' And do you know that the ey of Algiers has a wart under his nose3
ED TERMS/R EERENCES EERENCES K ED us&,#n 0 $e.ander >ush#in &1EGG)1!E* &1EGG)1!E* is #nown as one of the %reat Russian authors/ "e was aso an a(quaintan(e of i#oai o-rish(hin is assumin% that +o-hies father Hrea(hes out two fin%ersI when someone wishes to sha#e his hand this mi%ht im-y a se(ret handsha#e/ Northern Bee –
a -oiti(a and iterary news-a-er news-a-er -u'ished in in +t/ >eters'ur%, Russia Russia &12C)164*
ol#*na$ – -ossi'y referrin% to the Du#e of >oi%na( In.u#s#t#on – referrin% to the +-anish nquisition &140)1!4* &140)1!4* ) 5he +-anish nquisition nquisition sou%ht to -unish Jews who had (onverted to Khristianity Khristianity 'ut who were not reay Lsin(ereL in their (onversions/ >eo-e sus-e(ted of not havin% true Khristian faith were (a-tured, interro%ated, tortured, and in some (ases, #ied/ 5he HGrand In.u#s#torI is the -erson who a s#s questions and administers administers torture to the (a-tives/ Bey o- Al*#ers – $ 8Aey was a ran# of no'iity in the ttoman 7m-ire, equivaent equivaent to a ord/ $%iers was (onsidered -art of the ttoman 7m-ire from the 16th – 1Gth (entury/
ABO?T THE A?THOR
N#,ola# Vas#l#e(#$& Go*ol &!1 Mar(h 10G – 4 Mar(h 1C2N4O* was a 9#rainian)'orn Russian dramatist, noveist and short story writer /N4O
otava 'oardin% s(hoo &11G)21* and then ehin hi%h s(hoo &121)2*, where he -rodu(ed -ays for the studentPs theatre and a(ted in some -rodu(tions/ "owever, he was not very hi%hy esteemed 'y his s(hoo and he found it diffi(ut to o-en u- to his s(hoomates, who re%arded him as the Lmysterious dwarf,L a se(retive individua/ individua/ 5o his mother, he wrote: L$t home am (onsidered wifu wifu here am (aed mee# / / / in some quarters am so very quiet, modest, -oite in others – suen, -ensive, un(outh / / / for some am intei%ent, for others am stu-id/L
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L am destined 'y the mysterious -owers to wa# hand in hand with my stran%e heroes,L heroes,L wrote
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