EXPERIENCE
FRONT COVER
WHAT IS LONE WOLVES? Lone Wolves
is a gentle prod at life’s foibles as three modern-minded men share a small suburban townhouse and struggle, hand in hand, to nd t heir place in the world--
e
NO IT ISN’T
These are VIOLENT MEN. TOUGH. BROODING. HANDSOME MEN. MEN. These men don’t share nothin’ but the utility bill. They know what they want and what they want is for you to BACK OFF . They’re JAZZED UP and STEAMED and if someone gets hurt
THAT’S TOO BAD.
The series takes the form of several 3-4 minute 2D animated episodes, chronicling the exploits of three implausibly rugged men as they attem pt to co-exist and function in
MEET THE THE WOLVES. WOLVES. Too tough for the modern world; incapable of travelling back in time, ti me, The Lone Wolves Wolves are three of a kind in a deck full of jokers. They’ll huff and they’ll puff and they’ll punch you in the face.
GREASER. WOMANISER. ASSHOLE.
BEARD WEARER. BREAD WINNER.
FREELANCE COMMIE SMASHER.
World-weary rebel without a cause, Mich maintains a consistent level of obnoxiousness to keep people out of his face. Struggling to nd anyone who will tolerate his hostile attitude, he is constantly between part time jobs and turbulent relationships with impossibly sexy women.
Grizzled long-haul trucker, Ham knows the score and he ain’t afraid to speak it. As the only Wolf with a modicum of self-control he is often forced to assume responsibility for the Wolves’ actions, but push him too far and he won’t hesitate to bust some heads.
Paranoid gun-for-hire, gun-for-hire, Boston thinks with his sts and they ain’t too smart. He is a dedicated fan of conspiracy theories and military spying equipment and spends the majority of his time preparing for the impending Russian invasion that he read about on the internet once.
All Mich wants is peace but life keeps givin’ him lemons. And he don’t like lemonade.
Ham likes to participate in Civi l War re-enactments but since The Incident he isn’t allowed within 300 yards of anyone dressed as Ulysses S. Grant.
Boston knows the world’s against him, but he means to score a knock-out.
Favourite historical fgure: Han Solo.
Favourite passtime: Shooting wildly into the air.
Favourite food: Bear.
SEE THE WOL WOLVES IN ACTION IN I N THE PILOT ANIMATIC ANIMATIC
https://vimeo.com/43310052
EPISODE OUTLINES LANDLORD Ham forces the other Wolves to clean up their rooms in order to pass a routine inspection.
PUBLIC TRANSPORT After trashing their rides on the way to a monster truck rally, the Wolves each attempt to make their own way to the show.
CHICK The three Wolves compete for the affections of Phoenix Arizona, an old ame who has recently been released from prison.
SCRIPTS -- “LANDLORD” INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
MICH
Loud heavy metal blares from a beaten old cassette player. MICH and BOSTON sit, arm wrestling over a table littered with broken broken bottl bottles es and and bear bear traps. traps. BLAM! The door flies open and HAMMOND enters. HAMMOND Guys, what the hell!? You were s’posed to clean up today! BOSTON looks up. BOSTON What? HAMMOND It’s inspection day! The landlord’s comin’ in 20 minutes and this place is dirtier than Boston’s ball sack. We pan across the room -- the oil-stained floor is hidden beneath heaps of scrap metal, dirty magazines and empty beer bottles. MICH I never heard about no inspection! HAMMOND I put the letter on the notice board two weeks ago! He gestures to a large dartboard on the far wall -- dozens of unpaid bills and important papers are pinned to it with a variety of knives and arrows. The inspection notice sits in the centre, tacked on with a tomahawk. HAM stomps off down the corridor. HAMMOND (CONT’D) Come on. INT. MICH’S ROOM - CONT’D HAM flicks on the light switch -- an old lava lamp comes on in the corner of the room. MICH’s room is sparsely decorated, a few posters on the cracked walls, a drum kit in one corner and a dirty mattress in the middle, complete with two sleeping sleeping girls girls and and an empty empty beer beer keg. keg. HAMMOND We gotta get these chicks outta
I got it. He flips the girls off of the mattress and then dumps it on top of them, their legs and arms poking out from underneath. He dusts off his hands. HAM crosses to the window. HAMMOND Why’s it so dark in here? He draws the curtains -- a crude doodle of a window has been drawn onto the bare brick wall behind them, complete with clouds clouds and and a sun. HAM closes closes them them again. again. POW! POW! POW! The far wall is suddenly riddled with bullet holes. HAMMOND (CONT’D) What the hell?! INT. BOSTON’S ROOM - CONT’D WHAM! The door slams open, HAMMOND and MICH enter. MICH Boston, what the fuck!? BOSTON stands in the middle of his room, firing a pistol at the wall. BOSTON I heard voices in the wall! HAMMOND That was us! Moron! BOSTON Don’t call me a moron! BOSTON points the gun at them -- HAM slaps it out of his hand. It fires as it hits the floor, shooting the lock on BOSTON’s wardrobe. The doors swing open and an avalanche of swords, firearms and explosives pours out across the floor. BOSTON (CONT’D) Great, I just cleaned that up! HAMMOND Uh-huh, and what are you gonna do about that? He points the far end of the room where the front of a Cadillac is jutting through a demolished wall. BOSTON
SCRIPTS -- “LANDLORD” BOSTON It’s cool, I’ll just cover it with a throw. throw. He kneels down and daintily pulls open a bottom drawer -it’s full of neatly pressed floral sheets. INT. CORRIDOR - CONT’D MICH opens the bathroom door -- their path is blocked by boards and crime scene tape. Inside, a flickering bulb illuminates a chalk outline and a blood-stained shower curtain. BOSTON Do we have to clean this room? MICH Nah, it was like this when we moved in. BOSTON Score. MICH shuts the door. HAM pokes his head in from the living room. HAMMOND Quit dickin’ around in the murder room! The landlord’ll be here in five minutes! MICH and BOSTON split up. INT. LIVING ROOM - CONT’D HAM pulls up the carpet, sweeps a pile of beer bottles and car parts under it, then stamps on the lumps until they’re flat. INT. CORRIDOR - CONT’D MICH, arms full of land mines, pulls down a section a section of the wall, revealing the bedroom of the neighbour’s son. He chucks the mines in. He replaces the wall, slotting slotting it in backward backwards, s, the little boy’s dinosaur dinosaur wallpaper wallpaper inters intersecting ecting the bare bare brickwo brickwork rk of the corrido corridor. r. INT. LIVING ROOM - CONT’D BOSTON spots a hole in the living room wall. He quickly grabs a framed photo of HAMMOND holding an eagle and covers it, inadvertently revealing an even bigger one where the picture once was. Grabbing a poster to cover the new hole, he sxposes a series of tallies marked HOLES PUNCHED IN WALL - BOSTON: 19; HAM: 4; MICH: 8 .
Spotting the marks, he grabs an arm chair and slides it against the wall -- uncovering a gaping pit in the floor. He looks around desperately for something to cover it. Ding-dong! The doorbell rings. At a loss for what to do BOSTON throws himself on top of the hole and does his best to look casual. HAM answers the door. The LANDLORD, a weedy man in a cheap suit, enters. He checks his clipboard and addresses HAM and MICH. LANDLORD Mr. Indiana, Mr. Detroit. He looks down at BOSTON. BOSTON tries to look cool. LANDLORD (CONT’D) Mr. Massachusetts. BOSTON Sup. The LANDLORD makes a note. LANDLORD This shouldn’t take long. INT. MICH’S ROOM - CONT’D The LANDLORD opens MICH’s door and peers within, the three Wolves stand sheepishly behind him. The LANDLORD makes some notes on his clipboard. LANDLORD Bullet holes in the wall. Unauthorised occupants. MICH Hey, I told ‘em to leave. The LANDLORD shuts the door. INT. BOSTON’S ROOM - CONT’D The door opens. The LANDLORD surveys BOSTON’s mess. LANDLORD Damaged bed. Burnt carpet. Broken wardrobe wardrobeHe eyes the barely concealed Cadillac. LANDLORD (CONT’D) Nice throw. BOSTON
SCRIPTS -- “LANDLORD” INT. CORRIDOR - CONT’D The LANDLORD approaches a door marked HAMMOND’S ROOM . He opens it -- BOSTON’s pile of weaponry pours out. The LANDLORD makes a note. LANDLORD Heap of illegal weaponry. HAM slaps BOSTON around the head. HAMMOND Boston! What the hell!? BOSTON What? You broke my wardrobe! Where else was I s’posed to put ‘em?! INT. LIVING ROOM - CONT’D The LANDLORD crosses the room, scribbling further notes on his clipboard. The Wolves follow. LANDLORD This house is in worse condition than Mr. Massachusetts ball sack. Floor filthy, walls all but destroyed, you broke the doors, you broke the lights, you broke the fixtures -- I’m afraid I have no choice but to evict you from this property immedHe steps blindly into the pit in the floor, his clipboard flying out of his hands as he suddenly drops out of sight. The three Wolves exchange a glance. HAM grabs the clipboard from beside his feet as MICH walks over to the sofa. HAM scribbles out the many crosses on the LANDLORD’s form and replaces them with ticks. He tosses the clipboard down the hole and MICH slides the sofa back over it. The two of them sit down and BOSTON reappears with a six pack and flops down beside them. BOSTON That went well. MICH Yeah, pretty well. BOSTON Is my ballsack really that bad? HAMMOND
MICH
SCRIPTS -- “PUBLIC TRANSPORT” EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY
EXT. BUS STOP - CONT’D
A heap of mangled vehicles -- a truck, a hot rod and a motorcycl motorcycle e -- blocks blocks the the highway highway. . The Wolves Wolves stand stand at at the side of the road, looking sullenly at the wreckage. MICH turns to HAM. MICH Good work, guy, how the hell do you manage to flip a truck and make it not not cool. cool. BOSTON I thought it was pretty cool. MICH Shut up, man, it crushed my bike! BOSTON Hey, your son of a bitch bike totaled Desiree! He gestures to his car, now crumpled against the weight of the truck and bike -- its wheel falls off. HAMMOND It’s your fault! Why were you shootin’ at my wheels anyway?! Now how are we gonna get to the monster monster truck truck rally? rally? BOSTON lights a cigarette and storms off the down the road. MICH Where do you think you’re goin’?! BOSTON Bus. MICH Buses are for suckers and women. All I need is my thumbs and my wits. wits.
BOSTON and HAM arrive at a battered bus stop sticking out of the ground beside the desolate road. As HAMMOND inspects the timetable a coach screeches up beside them. The doors open and BOSTON hops on. HAMMOND turns. HAMMOND What are you doin’? That ain’t our bus. BOSTON Bullshit, they all go to the same place. The doors shut. HAM catches sight of the sign on the side as it drives away -- Sonny Hills’ Day Trips for the Infirm . INT. CADILLAC - CONT’D MICH scowls as a long tongue laps at the side of his face. We pull out to reveal a large pig sat between MICH and the driver, a scrawny man with manic eyes and a sun hat. The back of the open top car is piled high with bric-a-brac, which flies out behind behind them as the the car swerves swerves wildly wildly down the highway. DRIVER Don’t mind Kevin, he likes the taste of human flesh. MICH raises a hand to push the pig away. DRIVER (CONT’D) Don’t touch him, damn you! He has no self-control! They hit a pothole -- Kevin is flipped onto MICH’s lap, where he writhes writhes and squeal squeals s uncontr uncontrollab ollably. ly. DRIVER (CONT’D) I said don’t touch him!
He raises his thumb to hitch a ride pointing it dramatically toward the open road.
A trotter slams MICH square in the chops.
A tumbleweed rolls past.
INT. COACH - CONT’D
HAMMOND Good luck with that. HAM follows BOSTON.
BOSTON walks down the length of the coach, scanning the elderly passengers. He spots a free seat next to a blind man and and slumps slumps down beside beside him. him. BOSTON Sweet shades.
SCRIPTS -- “PUBLIC TRANSPORT” EXT. BUS STOP - CONT’D BLIND MAN I’m blind. BOSTON Yeah, I’m pretty wasted too. EXT. BUS STOP - CONT’D HAM stands in the baking sun, staring blankly down the road. He turns to the bench beside the bus stop -- a bleached skeleton in a Monster Truck Rally ‘82 t-shirt flops against the back rest. HAM pulls it up by the forearm, checking the time on its battered old wristwatch. He sighs and squints sweat from his brow, the broken timetable slotting it onto his
up at the blazing desert sun. Wiping he grabs a piece of scrap metal from and folds it into a crude sun hat, head.
INT. CAR - CONT’D MICH sits crammed into the backseat of a family sedan next to a sad-looking six-year-old girl. Her parents sit in the front seat bickering noisily. As the row intensifies, MICH turns to the daughter. MICH They always like this? She mumbles and nods. MICH (CONT’D) Want a smoke? She nods again. He puts two cigarettes in his mouth, lights them and then hands one to the little girl. INT. COACH - CONT’D The elderly passengers of the coach, smoosh their faces against the window with glee and the vehicle slows to a stop. The driver’s voice comes in over the PA system. DRIVER Here we are folks, the worldfamous Museum of Teacups! The old people whoop. BOSTON’s jaw falls open.
HAM’s head sizzles as his poorly designed steel hat reaches oven-like temperatures under the sun’s glare. A small pack of vultures amble around him, pecking at his feet. He waves an arm lazily, mumbling to himself. HAMMOND Get outta here ya... CLOP! CLOP! A noise from beyond a nearby cactus patch grabs HAMMOND’s attention. attention. He pulls himself himself up, shuffling shuffling towards the source of the sound. With sunburnt hands, he parts the cacti. A majestic black unicorn with a sword for a horn stands nobly in the clearing. It snorts and a plume of flame erupts from its nose. HAMMOND (CONT’D) Brutal. The unicorn turns to him and begins to speak. UNICORN Hammond Indiana, it is your destiny... to see this monster truck rally! Climb upon my back, let us witness this glory together. HAMMOND approaches, hopping deftly onto his steed. UNICORN (CONT’D) Away! It takes off at a tremendous speed. HAMMOND beams as they tear down the highway. We cut back to reality -- HAMMOND hobbles madly down the road, straddling a huge cactus. HAMMOND I always knew you’d come back! INT. AMBULANCE - CONT’D MICH sits in the front seat beside a cheery paramedic. Behind them, his partner works away at an off-screen patient, blood spraying up at him. PARAMEDIC PARTNER Doug, he won’t stop bleeding! What shall I do? PARAMEDIC DRIVER Just give him a minute, he’ll run
SCRIPTS -- “PUBLIC TRANSPORT” He turns to MICH.
MICH
PARAMEDIC DRIVER (CONT’D) So where did you say you were headed?
He throws the usher aside and turns away. HAMMOND appears, straddling the cactus and laughing.
MICH Monster truck rally. PARAMEDIC PARTNER Man, that’s way cooler than the hospital! Let’s go there! PARAMEDIC DRIVER Road trip! They high-five. The operating paramedic leans in from the back of the ambulance. PARAMEDIC PARTNER Hey, Mich, can you wing me a heart from that cooler. He shoots the driver a cheeky wink. MICH opens a medical kit on the dashboard -- it’s full of beers. PARAMEDIC DRIVER WHOOOOOO!
Damn it!
PARAMEDIC PARTNER WHOOOOOO!
MICH smiles and tosses bottles to the paramedics. They clink drinks and the DRIVER hits the siren.
HAMMOND We made it, buddy! We made it! MICH Ham, what the hell?! The PARAMEDIC pops up, syringe in hand. PARAMEDIC I got it. He jams it in HAM’s neck. HAM snaps out of it -- he looks down at the cactus between his legs and then up at MICH. HAMMOND Did we miss it? MICH Yep. HAMMOND Fuckin’ unicorn. MICH looks up as BOSTON arrives, a teacup-shaped hat upon his head. MICH We missed it, Bos.
EXT. STADIUM - CONT’D The ambulance skids off the road and slams into a tree. MICH and the paramedics tumble out the back. MICH runs to the entrance, grabbing a nearby usher. MICH Is it over?! Did we make it?! USHER You did not. A strongman emerges from the stadium, spinning a burning tyre. STRONGMAN You missed quite a show! A bunch of truck fans file out behind him, clutching various car parts and severed limbs. MICH watches,
BOSTON scoffs. BOSTON Pft, monster trucks? I got somethin’ that’ll make you forget all about monster trucks. INT. TEACUP MUSEUM - CONT’D MICH, HAMMOND and BOSTON -- all dressed in teacup merchandi merchandise se -- stare ecstatica ecstatically lly at a display display of of 18th 18th century cups and saucers. HAMMOND Man, Boston, you weren’t kidding. MICH Yeah it’s like... You know what we don’t don’t use enough enough? ?
SCRIPTS -- “CHICK” EXT. PRISON - EVENING MICH stands nervously in front of the towering prison gates, a bow tie round his neck and a bunch of flowers in one hand. The gates swing open. PHOENIX ARIZONA, a sexy broad in a knotted convict shirt and an eye patch, emerges from within, within, her heavy heavy boots boots thudding thudding against the ground ground as she strolls confidently towards MICH. A heavily armed GUARD walks behind her, stopping stopping at the edge of the prison prison grounds. GUARD You stay outta trouble now, Phoenix. ARIZONA turns towards him and grabs her crotch. ARIZONA I got your trouble right here!
ARIZONA cruises in on MICH’s bike. She hops off near HAM, leaving the still-running bike to plow straight into a barfly’s pickup truck. HAMMOND Arizona, it’s wonderful to see you again! She approaches the door. HAMMOND (CONT’D) Lemme get that for you. He reaches to open the door for her -- she gets there first, slamming it hard into his face. He staggers back, bumping into the owner of the smashed pickup. PICKUP GUY Your bike trashed my truck! HAMMOND That ain’t my-
The gates creak shut as she approaches MICH. MICH Hey Arizona! Hi! You look nice!
WHAM! The man socks him square in the jaw. HAM snaps -- he charges at the barfly, ramming him face-first into the remains of his truck. The man disengages his head from the truck’s door and dives at HAM.
ARIZONA You look like shit on balls. Where’s your bike?
INT. DIVE BAR - CONT’D
MICH It’s right over here, Arizona! He gestures to his motorcycle parked nearby. MICH (CONT’D) I got us a table at your favourite dive bar, it’sVRRRRMMM! ARIZONA takes off on MICH’s bike, tearing down the highway. MICH looks on.
I fuckin’
MICH (CONT’D) (whispered) her.
love
ARIZONA crosses the room. Huge men in wife-beaters and dirty denim swill bottles of beer as they leer at a couple of sorry looking strippers. ARIZONA snatches a beer from one of them as she passes, downs it and slaps it into the hand of a weedy patron. The owner of the beer turns, looking for the culprit and plows a fist into the unsuspecting drunk’s face. ARIZONA flops down in a booth opposite BOSTON -- she frowns taking in the baby-blue velour tux that he’s opted to wear. BOSTON Hey Arizona! You look great! How was your your vacation! vacation! ARIZONA I was in the pen you dumbass.
EXT. DIVE BAR - CONT’D Heavy metal blares from within the bar. A flashing neon sign reads GIRLS! STEAKS! BEER!
BOSTON Oo-la-la! Is that near France? ARIZONA snaps her fingers -- a waitress arrives.
HAMMOND stands outside dressed in a black waistcoat, complete with a carnation in the lapel, a box of chocolates under his arm.
ARIZONA Two steaks. Rare, like a good man. Am Am I right? right?
SCRIPTS -- “CHICK” She laughs. The waitress giggles. ARIZONA stops dead and fixes the waitress with a steely glare. The waitress backs away. The door swings open -- HAMMOND enters, shirt ripped, face bloodied. He approaches the booth and catches sight of BOSTON. They exchange a stern stare. ARIZONA (CONT’D) What’s the matter chief, ain’t you been on a double date before? HAM pulls a knife out of his side and drops it on the table. HAMMOND Normally that means two chicksARIZONA That’s why I invited you. Sit down. HAM sighs and slides into the booth next to BOSTON. BOSTON smirks. HAM turns to him. HAMMOND You look like Liberace’s jizz sock. The waitress returns with two huge, bloody steaks and deposits them on the table. ARIZONA grabs BOSTON’s plate and flips his steak on top of hers. She picks up the double-stacked steak and proceeds to devour it like a sandwich. HAMMOND (CONT’D) What a woman. The door opens again and MICH trudges in, tracking mud and missing missing one of of his shoes. He pulls pulls a snake snake out out of his his hair and tosses it aside -- it flies through the air and hits a stripper in the face. He approaches the booth, sour-faced.
MICH Awesome job! High five! He raises a hand. ARIZONA ignores it, picking her teeth with the the knife knife that was recently recently removed removed from HAM’s guts. She chucks the knife and pulls herself up. ARIZONA I’m gonna go take a piss. She heads out the front door. The Wolves watch her leave. MICH So are you guys gonna fuck off now? I don’t like performin’ with an audience. HAMMOND fuck off? We’ve had this date planned for weeks. You clowns better back off if you wanna keep your teeth. Me
BOSTON Hey, if anyone should fuck off it’s you guys. You know how much it cost to rent this sweet tux? MICH Oh yeah, that was money well spent. That suit’s almost as shit as Ham’s mullet. HAMMOND Hey, at least we aren’t dumb enough to get our rides jacked up. MICH Pft, as if she’d wanna take your lame-ass rides. BOSTON pulls himself up. BOSTON You know what guys? I’m just gonna go ask her! I’m gonna straighten this whole thing out.
MICH Which of you nutsacks totaled my bike?
He heads for the door.
ARIZONA
EXT. DIVE BAR - CONT’D
I did. MICH beams.
ARIZONA crosses the road to a liquor store, pulls on a balaclava and draws a pistol. She disappears into the store, BOSTON exits the bar and rounds the corner.
SCRIPTS -- “CHICK” Stopping in a private spot, BOSTON makes a crude puppet with his his fist and thumb, thumb, produces produces a lipstick lipstick from from his pocket and applies it generously to its mouth. He raises his hand to his face, pressing the lipstick against his cheeks to leave several unconvincing kiss marks. BOSTON He he he. This oughta show ‘emTAP TAP TAP. BOSTON stops. As he slowly turns to look behind him, he realises that he’s inadvertently positioned himself directly in front of the window by the Wolves’ booth. MICH and HAM look blankly at him through the glass. BOSTON drops the lipstick, runs to his car and tears off down the road. INT. DIVE BAR - CONT’D MICH and HAM watch BOSTON’s car vanish over the horizon. MICH What a moron. HAMMOND Yeah, the things some fools will do for a dame. WHAM! ARIZONA kicks the door open, a bag of money and a gun in her hands. Sirens blare from outside the bar. She runs over to the booth. ARIZONA Hey, Mich, baby, will you hold this for me? She tosses the gun into his lap. MICH Sure! Sure I will! HAMMOND What, nothin’ for me? ARIZONA Here! She chucks him a bloody baseball bat -- a severed hand still clinging on to it. HAM grins. She runs out the back door. They watch her go, smiling. MICH Man, Boston’s gonna be so jealous.
The front door slams open again. A horde of police men storm the bar. COP Freeze! Drop the weapon! WHAM! The police bear down on the Wolves, pinning the Wolves to the floor. They cling to ARIZONA’s gifts. HAMMOND Yeah what a sucker. ZZZZZTT! A cop jams a tazer into HAM’s back.
FUTURE EPISODE IDEAS MAILMAN Convinced that the the mailman is against him after his package is repeatedly delayed, Boston steals his sack of letters and is left with the responsibility of delivering them all himself.
PINK After washing a red shirt with their whites, the Wolves are left with nothing but embarrassingly pink clothing. Deciding to go topless rather than bare the humiliation, the Wolves are refused entry to all their favourite haunts.
MOVIE NIGHT Disappointed with their choice of lm at the cinema, the Wolves attempt to sneak into the other screens to get their money’s worth.
EXPERIENCE
WRITTEN BY TOM GRAN & MAR MA RTIN WOOLLEY
DIRECTOR TOM GRAN PRODUCTION COMPANY WONKY FILMS 8a Willway Street Bristol BS34BG
tel: 01179537740 email: vicky@wonkylms.com
