Lethal

Joseph R. Plazo

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Lethal Tongue ™ Joseph R. Plazo

The Dynamics of Irresistible Verbal Power

Joseph Plazo E-mail:[email protected] Web page: www.xtrememind.com i (0919) 566-3454

Joseph R. Plazo

Exceed International

Lethal Tongue Table of Contents To update table of contents, place cursor on shaded row and press F9. 1. 1.1.

2.

HAVE YOUR WAY… NOW

7

What’s in it For You?

7

THE POWER OF THE WORD

9

2.1.

The Writer’s Achilles Heel

10

2.2.

Powers of Hypnotic Speech

11

2.3.

So, What’s Inside?

11

2.4.

Warnings

13

3.

IRRESISTIBLE FIRST CONTACT

15

3.1.

The Table Reversal Technique

15

3.2.

Five Breath Method

16

3.3.

A Killer Opening Line

18

3.4.

Opening Salvos

20

3.5.

Pressing the Assault

22

3.6.

Verbal Ju-jitsu

24

3.7. What’s Your Story…? 3.7.1. The Two Second Rule

26 26

3.8. Getting into Their Skin 3.8.1. Parallel Empathizing

27 28

4. 4.1.

ATTITUDES OF POWER

30

Power Lies Within

30

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4.2. Power Attitudes 4.2.1. Genuine Interest in Others 4.2.2. Incorrigible Humour 4.2.3. A Radiant Confidence 4.2.4. Overpowering Assertiveness 4.2.5. Intrepid Initiative 4.2.6. Sensual Enthusiasm

5.

31 31 32 33 34 35 36

UNLEASHING THE LETHAL TONGUE

38

5.1. Bomb the Emotions; Nuke the Senses 5.1.1. The Framework of Hypnotic Speech

39 40

5.2. Asserting in the Affirmative 5.2.1. The Power of Positive Statements 5.2.2. Living la Vida Loca

41 41 43

5.3.

Touching Magic

43

5.4.

Sizzling Small Talk

45

5.5. Creating Magnetism with Similarity 5.5.1. The Power of Apparent Similarity 5.5.2. Mirroring- The Sneaky Method of Creating Similarity

47 47 48

5.6.

49

Electric Words

5.7. The Big Guns: Stealthy Word-Play I 5.7.1. Power Up Your Verbs and Kick Them Off! 5.7.2. Tri-Component Narratives 5.7.3. Similes and Parallelisms 5.7.4. Metaphors 5.7.5. Mesmerizing Tales 5.7.6. Magnetic Interrogatives 5.7.7. Shrouded Interrogatives 5.7.8. Stealthy Ambiguities 5.7.9. Time Warping

51 51 53 54 54 55 58 60 61 63

5.8. The Big Guns: Stealthy Word-Play II 5.8.1. Shifting Paradigms 5.8.2. Power Presuppositions 5.8.3. Inducing Feelings In a Flash 5.8.4. Pacing Your Way to Compliance 5.8.5. Locking People In a Box 5.8.6. Unearthing Her Secrets 5.8.7. The War Between Features and Benefits

64 64 65 68 72 76 77 79

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About the Author

Joseph R. Plazo, writer, author, architect and entrepreneur. He accomplished an architectural degree and topped it off with an MBA. Yet, his passion for psychology overrules. In the author’s view, the study of Human Behaviour naturally allows the development of good relationships. Through psychology, we easily learn the underlying drives, motivations and desires which empower people to act the way they do. He further believes that since 70% of a man’s life is spent in the company of others, developing solid bonds is vital to healthy existence. Good relationships build sound societies. Through his books, the author hopes to empower countless readers to shift their lives for the better… and to develop the same passion for psychology as he does. This is his fifth book.

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A personal note from the Author

Fellow persuasion enthusiasts, The material in this book constantly undergoes upgrading. I will be releasing new books in the future that I feel will help empower you all the more. All clients at my site, www.xtrememind.com could avail of future books for free. This is my courtesy to you, and my way of saying thank you. I am available for consultation anytime and I look forward to hearing from you. You could get in touch through my email at [email protected] and my cell phone at (0919)566-3454 All the best and more power! Joey

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1.

Have Your Way… NOW

"The difference between a smart person and a wise person is that a smart person knows what to say and a wise person knows whether or not to say it." -- Quote found on the wall of a recreation center office in Berkeley, California.

1.1.

What’s in it For You?

A

bsolute power. That’s the bottomline. Imagine the ability to cast devastating spells spun from simple words… and exploiting those words to get what you desire… any desire.

Picture yourself striding to a negotiation table and holding the panel spellbound and powerless to your magnetic delivery…. Visualize your friends trailing you for advice, comfort and support… they depend on you… they NEED you… Or imagine gazing into your lover’s eyes, watching them sparkle, as you hear her deep, rhythmic breathing… while you whisper an irresistible proposal…. Stop, right now… and imagine the delicious power coursing down your spine… spawned from your newfound ability to persuade, influence and magnetize Give me three hours and I’ll show you how to mesmerize anybody, ANYONE and get what you WANT. Guaranteed. Today, you will discover the principles of unstoppable verbal influence.

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In less time than it takes to mow your lawn, you will be giddy with delight as you discover breakthrough techniques which easily allow you to: Reap more income Triumph in negotiations Gain instant respect and admiration Mesmerize the opposite sex Resist all rejection Win friends Brutally seize opportunities and Kill off the competition! You will magically find your social, business and romantic life taking a swift and dizzying change. All for the better. Suddenly, doors and windows of opportunity shall open… at your command! All your needs will be met. Your desires will be satisfied…. to the full At but a whim, you could shape the outcome of any personal relationship. An irresistible human dynamo of charisma… that is your destiny if you absorb all the valuable lessons this book offers. What could such power bring you…? As you sit there, reading these words, and imagining your unbelievable future, you may already notice your breath quickening…

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2.

The Power of the Word

I imagine that you felt a shiver coursing down your spine. Was it tangible? I’ll bet the farm and all the horses on it that you found yourself experiencing a mild excitement as I narrated the benefits you will enjoy. With a bit of ink and a pen, I fiddled with your emotions. What power that is! The pen indeed thwarts the sword. Observe how a few simple lines carried enough force to play upon your feelings. You readily found yourself experiencing mild states of excitement because I willed it through my writing. I safely presume that you read the works of Dean Koontz, Stephen King or perhaps, Mark Twain. Recall how these expert writers easily rivet you to their every word. Like wizards, writers unleash magic with their pens. Their stories forge entire worlds which you willingly explore. As you lose yourself in the annals of their imagination, your mind opens up to the ideas they present. Immediately, you find yourself influenced by their views and opinions… The art of writing is invaluable because it is a tremendously potent form of communication. Writing conveys thoughts, ideas and even ideologies. As we already know, writers who are charmingly persuasive can sway public opinion very easily. Consider, now, how politicians would get nowhere without their ghostwriters. You need a fiery speech in order to sway the masses and win votes Centuries ago, the writer’s influence largely lay confined within the village or town where he promulgated his craft. That changed all so rapidly. Today’s mass media technology allows writers to quickly influence the publics across the world! I envision that writers could rewrite history (literally and figuratively) should they choose to do so. Give a man a pen and he’s ready to take on the world.

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2.1.

The Writer’s Achilles Heel

W

ell-executed writing, while highly persuasive, tends to be static. This is the problem a writer faces: once the typesetter publishes his book, pamphlet or speech, his ideas are forever crystallized in unchanging words. For all time, his ideas will remain frozen in inert sentences that are incapable of adapting to environmental changes. With each passing decade, the writer’s thoughts will be lost or diluted as his sentences undergo varying interpretations that depend on the prevailing culture. Worse, writing is not interactive! The writer has no means of conversing with his reader. He could not elaborate on points nor could he rebut disagreements. Writing, once done, is done and cannot be retracted. That sore lack of dynamism is the writer’s Achilles heel. Because the writer cannot change what he had already published, he stands the chance of being misinterpreted. Persuasive writers, while all-poweful, have a waterloo after all. Surely a more dynamic form of communication exists… one which could adapt to ongoing, real-time changes… And fortunately, there is! Writing, as we are aware, is but one facet of communications. Another mode of transmitting ideas is through speech. Thousands of times throughout the day, abstract thoughts zip through the brain. Our thoughts result from outside stimulus (such as being fired from work, or from seeing a loved one) and these are sparked in our neurons. From these myriad thoughts, you and I would deem a few notions worthy of sharing with others. So what we do is to snag a couple of those ideas, translate them into mental/visual symbols which we then transmit through precise sound frequencies. This is the facility of speech. Speech is perfectly dynamic. Speech occurs simultaneously with the formation of a thought and is delivered with great deliberation. When needed, speech is modified in real-time to suit the ever shifting environment or contextual situation. This is the power of speech and which writing fails at. Speakers can deliver hypnotic spiels and modify his words to suit the temperament of his audience. The effective speaker always takes note of the contextual situation and adjusts his delivery in order to enhance the quality of his message. We will soon discover how dynamic speech can unleash far greater persuasive force than writing.

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That power, upon your mastery, will allow you to influence anyone and create compelling arguments that could mesmerize even the most stubborn of individuals.

2.2.

Powers of Hypnotic Speech

L

ook around yourself. What do you see? A table? Chairs? Paintings and scultptures? Or maybe a loving wife? What you have around you are the fruits of your personal relationships. Accordingly, everything that you have indirectly results from your interactions with others.

Through the vocal facility, you negotiate your salary, you bargain for your goods, and yes, you even win a spouse. You communicate with bosses, peers, and loved ones in order to procure your needs. How well your needs are met highly depend upon your speaking aptitude. You must convince others of your needs in order for them to deliver to you! You win a coveted raise if you can persuade your boss of your worth. You melt your crush’s heart with the soft whisper of honey-coated poetry. Do you already understand how your fortunes largely depend upon the dexterity of your tongue? Stop, for a moment and understand this fact: the quality of your interpersonal communications determine your success. Ultimately, it is your speaking skills and attendant behaviours which shape your relationships… and ultimately, your fortunes To master human interactions, therefore, you must hone your speaking abilities to perfection in such a way that you become persuasively magnetic and unstoppably confident. Your words must ring with authority and drip with sensual allure. Within three hours of your reading this book, I intend to impart all the professional skills of persuasive and charismatic speakers. You will master devastating skills in order to deliver a verbal payload of immense power, that people will have no recourse but to say yes to you. This book teaches the art of hypnotic speaking and your tongue will have the lethal ability to persuade anybody.. You will become an irresistibly hypnotic speaker.

2.3.

So, What’s Inside?

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P

lenty. The book assumes that you hold average persuasive abilities.

Since most people already stumble at the prospect of making first contact, this book first teaches you how to overwhelm initial timidity and to approach anyone you meet. You cannot display your magnificent speaking ability if you have no one to speak to! Once you discover how to break the ice, we get into the hard core techniques of hypnotic speech. Hypnotic speech focuses on altering people’s emotions, thereby influencing behaviour. Behavioral doctors assert that people’s actions result from both cognitive and affective factors. A cognitive factor pertains to a person’s wilful and intellectual analysis of a situation. On the other hand, an affective factor pertains to the emotional impact a situation begets upon behaviour. Of the two, it has been proven that affective factors more easily influence behaviour. The human psyche, while logical, frequently falters in the face of emotional assault. Observe how an emotional stock broker ceases to make logical decision and bets on the wrong stocks. He follows his guts and his guts lead to failure. Examine also, how a student readily yields to emotional peer pressure and commits illogical moves that threaten his grades. Again, emotional force overrules intellectual analysis. Emotions are powerful. In your case, recall how you indulged in a sinful feast of fats and junk foods. You brain screams that such food is poison, yet you yield to emotional gluttony and wolf it all down The emotions rule the head. It’s a cliché that stood the test of time. The various techniques arrayed within this book all conspire to play upon the emotions in order to yield maximum impact. Seize a man’s emotions and you become his puppeteer. Lethal Tongue ™ comprises of advanced verbal techniques geared towards persuasion and emotional elicitation. Its spotlights methods of irresistible verbal magic. The forerunner to this book, Ph.D of Persuasion focuses on the general behavioural aspect of persuasion; hence, you would find it beneficial to read the latter first.

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From Lethal Tongue ™ you will discover breakthrough methods of sentence construction which allow you to bypass the mind’s logical scrutiny and directly squeeze at anyone’s emotions. You will realize how to sprinkle your phrases with words of power that makes you appear truly credible, even if what you say is devoid of meaning. You shall learn how to probe the innermost desires of a man or woman and use their desires to uphold your own. These, among the scores of others, are the techniques which will transform you into a throbbing dynamo of influence.

2.4.

I

Warnings

should stress that all the techniques within this book are intended for your personal and wholistic development.

Influence is a tool which cannot be abused. You will find that men’s doors easily swing open as you master and practice the Lethal Tongue ™ method of hypnotic speech. That’s great, but remember the catch. Each time you open a door, ensure that you do not rob whoever invites you in. Abuse anyone’s hospitality and your influence will be short lived… you will also create die-hard enemies in the process! Remember, with great power comes great responsibility.

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"We shall not cease from exploration And the end of all our exploring Will be to arrive where we started And know the place for the first time." -- T.S. Eliot

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3.

Irresistible First Contact

“There is nothing to fear, but fear itself” -- Popular quote

3.1.

The Table Reversal Technique

A

salesman hates making cold calls. The fear of rejection hangs heavy over his head. A young man is smitten by his crush, but he can’t bring himself to say hi . You have a proposal for your boss, but cringe at his disapproval.

You, no doubt, have experienced the fear of making first contact. You probably hesitate to initiate conversations with strangers, with figures of authority or with the object of your desire. How many times have you let pass the opportunity of meeting someone new and exciting and only to curse yourself later, thinking “what if?” Many times, I’m certain. Refusing to initiate contact is the virus that prevents wonderful new relationships from budding. It takes at least one person talking to get two people together. Often times however, no one exerts the effort. Reasons often include shyness, fear of rejection or plain anti-social behaviour. Imagine now, that every single person on the planet refused to extend the first hand? I see a bleak, unfriendly world… When you run into a potential client, a stranger or a crush, how often do you fervently wish that they initiate contact. You hope that somehow, they open up and say hi first. The problem with such expectation is that, they, no doubt, are also wishing that you open the floor. If you’re shy or afraid of rejection, then they, all the more, are shy and fearful of dismissal from you! Pause a moment, and think about it. You are shy; they are shy as well. If no one makes the first move, nothing happens! That’s the catch in all initial meetings. Both parties would rather not talk. It is too frightening!

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Now that you already understand the dynamics behind the phenomenon of first contact, you hold a key to overcoming the fear of meeting new people. This is true, whether your prospects be clients, strangers or even figures of power. The next time you feel the clammy hands of fear pawing your neck, tell yourself, “I’ll bet this guy/gal is even more afraid of me than I am!” Repeat that assertion to yourself a few times and immediately, you will feel an instant surge of confidence, allowing you to approach anyone aggressively. I call this the Table Reversal Technique because you rapidly switch the tables on those who scare you. In order to dissipate your fear, you accuse the object of your fear as the ones being fearful of you! Getting this technique to work even more effectively, pair it off with the Five Blink Method

3.2.

O

Five Breath Method kay. You’re fired up and fully aware that your prospect is just as scared as you are. A surge of confidence shoots up your throat. Now approaching her won’t be so tough after all.

But then, you dilly dally. You hem. You haw.

Then… Oooh… that salad by the buffet table looks inviting, so you amble over and fork a spoonful, thankful that you don’t have to approach her yet. You find all manner of excuses to delay that frightful first contact. What happens? Gradually, your fear crawls back. You fidget. Your confidence flushes down as you the salad petrifies in your stomach. A full minute later, you’re a nervous wreck again, unsure how to approach that attractive stranger. No amount of self-talk revitalizes your spirits. You go home feeling miserable.

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Countless people commit this fatal flaw: they delay. Each second of delay weakens your resolve and pumps even more adrenaline into your veins. Inevitably, you find yourself ever more jittery. Some people would justify the delay by saying that they are “waiting for the right moment” or “thinking of the right thing to say.” Self-defeating, pathetic excuses, nothing more. There is no better moment, than right away. And if you can’t think of the right thing to say right now, then chances are, you’ll never be able to say it at all. Remember this: the golden moment to initiate contact is right NOW. Get out of this self-defeating loop! The very next time you see someone whom you would like to meet, focus your sights on him or her like a laser. Then before you would have inhaled five times, make sure you are already on your way with a big smile, and extending a friendly hand. I suggest inhaling five times because I know that you will cheat by prolonging each breath. As each breath becomes deeper and longer, you actually calm your nerves and lessen the adrenalin surge. Further, by setting the final limit at five breaths, you give yourself no recourse but to follow through. This spontaneous gesture offers the following benefits: You prevent yourself from launching into negative self-talk. You no longer have the opportunity to rationalize delaying the meeting. You create the impression that you are confident. The other person would notice right away whether you were skulking in the background. By making an immediate and direct approach, you emanate a sense of power and importance. The other person will respect you. I suggest that in order to ascertain an iron clad first impression every time, you practice this technique with every person you meet. If you are a salesman on the prowl, remember that the streets are your kingdom. Shut off your negative self-talk, tell yourself that everyone else is afraid of you, and approach everyone who comes within an arm’s length. Out of the hundred whom you approach, you are guaranteed to hit ten or fifteen eager customers. If you are a nervous, single bachelor, first envision yourself as a suave man. Then as you walk into a club or a mall, look for the prettiest women. No, don’t settle for

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mediocre ones. You deserve the best, right? Upon seeing a lucky prospect, tell yourself, that she’s terribly shy of you, then approach. That’s it. I guarantee you’ll be rejected. But of the twenty rejections, two or three will bite. And you will become more confident after each encounter. Practice this religiously and delightfully observe how your social circle will magically and rapidly expand. The reason sociable and popular people are so well liked is that they don’t fear forging new relationships. They approach people on the bus, at the zoo, while waiting at the checkout counter. Make them your models. Get out there and meet some people. Remember: The very moment you see someone worth meeting, approach him or her before you would have inhaled five times after spotting your quarry.

3.3.

A Killer Opening Line

“Occupy the high ground first” – Sun Tzu, Art of War

P

eople search for magical lines that would somehow melt others and get the ball rolling. Search the internet and you’re bound to find books such as “Killer Opening Lines”, “Best Opening Lines”, “Worst Opening Lines.”

While canned opening lines sound witty, they also sound rehearsed. Would you like it if someone came up to you and said: “Your daddy must have been a thief because he stole the stars from the skies and placed them in your eyes.” Inane. Only utterly dense people will fall for such drivel. You don’t want such people in your roster of clients or loved ones. Canned opening lines are dumb because they lack sincerity and people can spot them right away. When people detect insincerity, they close up and avoid contact. Rejection is bound to occur.

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Try using pickup lines in a bar and you can already expect sneers. If you’re a salesman attempting to interest a client in a widget and you use a canned line, like: “Sir, you look like a really smart person. Smart persons use widgets. I have the best widgets only smart people like you would use.” Laughable, but people use such lines. That previous one was used on me at the mall. An opening line is an opening gambit. In that first sentence which you utter after the initial approach, you must encapsulate warmth and sincerity. In my experience, there is only one line that oozes of simple sincerity. I’ve used it time and again, to much success. Whether you’re selling an object, or selling yourself, it’s guaranteed to work. Here are the magical words: “Hi, I’m __________. Deliver the words with warmth, an outstretched hand and a big smile and watch as the other person’s face lights up. The words work well because you communicate the simple fact that you are interested in the other person. Interest flatters. Being flattered, the your prospect will warm up to you. Furthermore, the unadorned simplicity of your words convey straightfowardness. You simply want to talk and share something. How could anyone resist that? Right now, replace all your standard opening lines with this one. People will beam at you.

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3.4.

Opening Salvos

T

he good general follows up his first attack with a barrage of missiles. The constant onslaught gradually whittles away at the target until it yields.

In any endeavour, be it war or making friends, every action requires a good follow up. You psyched yourself up, made the approach and introduced yourself. Now, your prospect is smiling and expecting more. Standing silent won’t help your cause. You cannot expect your prospect to commence the You threw the ball, so you must continue bouncing it.

conversation!

Maintaining the conversation is vital to consolidating a beginning relationship. Remember the uncomfortable silences you’ve experienced in the past conversations? Chances are, the moment silence sets in, the conversation is doomed. Master conversationalists have discovered powerful openers which naturally allow a discussion to proceed fluidly. In a moment, you will learn what these are. But first, stop for a second and ask yourself, what is the most interesting subject matter for you? Is it the weather? Politics perhaps? A movie that’s playing? Maybe its current events? Gossip? While any of the succeeding reasons could spark a bit of interest, the one subject that would interest you the most is…. (drum roll) yourself. We all love to discuss our accomplishments. We could spend countless minutes narrating a recent mole operation. A simple game of golf fuels hours of story telling… and grandiose embellishments.

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No doubt about it, you would instantly perk up if you were the crux of a conversation.. The same goes for the other person. She would like nothing more than to discuss about herself and her own slice of her world. People are inherently selfish in that sense. Let me give you another example of how self-centered we are. Observe a crowded room, a-buzz with discussions of all flavor. Now pick a person in the crowd nearby. Mention his name in a casual manner, not too loudly, not too softly. Instantly his ears would perk up and he would glance at you quizzically. His ears systematically screened out all extraneous sound and focused on that one sacred word: his name. We are all interested in ourselves. We love talking about our own interests. We love hearing our names. In order to get others interested in you, you must meet them on their terms and discuss their interests. Here’s how to break the ice and get that conversation going: Compliment someone sincerely. Observe something within that person which is praiseworthy but not very obvious. Complimenting a model for her gorgeous body won’t have the razzle dazzle effect you desire because she probably gets that all day. However’ if you notice that a cute dimple forms when she laughs, mention it! She’ll be glad that you were so perceptive! Observe a personal effect and ask something about it. Your prospective client may be carrying a book entitled “Rabbits and Modern Man.” Mentioning his quaint reading material could spark a series of replies and counter replies that would fuel conversation. For instance, you could mention, “I noticed your interest in Rabbits. What about it interests you?” Now shut up and await the avalanche of replies. Focus on the situation. Observe the goings-on and comment on it. Ask your prospect how he relates to the environment. Exemplifying, you could ask a woman at a restaurant what food she would recommend. At a golf club, you may inquire from that rich bloke how long he’s been playing there and how many games he’s won. At the beach, querying a surfer how he best manoeuvres high waves could invite a torrent of excited elaboration.

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The key to conversation is lies on focusing upon the other person. Shine that spotlight on your prospect and he’ll be magnetized as a deer to incoming lights.

3.5.

Pressing the Assault

T

he conversation flows smoothly as a result of your suave and thoughtful queries. What then? You don’t stop!!

The hypnotic speaker nurtures a budding relationship by constantly shining the limelight upon his prospect by firing a barrage of open ended questions. Open ended questions belong to the class of queries that are answerable by a series of statements or paragraphs. Close ended questions, on the other hand, are answerable with one or two words. Hypnotic speaking demands that you get the other person to speak 70% of the time. This is why you favour open ended questions. Poor conversationalists tend to hog the conversation. Often, they go on and on talking about themselves. They ultimately bore their listeners and alienate them. Recall instances when someone monopolized a conversation. You eventually tuned out and begun thinking of ways to escape! To avoid the folly of boring your partner, get him to speak. This may bore you, but remember that your goal is not to entertain yourself. You objective is to get the other person interested in you. The best way to do that is to induce him into talking about the dearest thing to his heart: himself. You can spend an entire afternoon not saying a word and still have the other person think that you’re the most magnificent person alive. How? By letting him narrate his triumphs, his sorrows, his interests. Humour him! Open ended questions provide the most powerful means of getting people to talk about themselves. Open ended questions nudge people into exploring themselves and elaborating at length. These queries, hence, offer powerful tools to conquering the hearts and minds of multitudes. In order to use open questions, begin your queries using the succeeding magic words:

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How… Why… In what way… Could you elaborate… For what reason… What Avoid questions that begin with: Where When Who Such questions invite one-word responses. You will be hard pressed to follow-up. Imagine the following conversation: You: So, where do you live? Him: New Hampshire? You: When did you begin living there? Him: Ten Years ago: You: What do you do now? Him: I’m a doctor. What kind of questioning is this????? The latter questions are close-ended and very often, they lead to conversational deadends. Deploy open-ended questions to engage the imagination and emotions of the other person. He will be forced to elaborate and will relish every minute of it. Consider the contrast: You: So how do you find the show?

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Him: Man, it’s terribly exciting! I love wrestling…. (pounds his fist on the chair) You: What about wresting excites you? Him: Oh, it’s all that blood and gore. You never know who’s gonna win. Of course, it’s scripted, but till the last moment, the result is unclear. Gets your heart pumping…. Blah blah blah. Open ended questions, as you realize, engages the other person to elaborate and search within himself for answers. This creates excitement and animation. Whomever your prospect is, he will love you for it!

3.6.

Verbal Ju-jitsu

J

u-jitsu makes use of the enemy’s own force to soften an attack or deflect a blow. In conversations, you will use your prospect’s own words to generate an ambiance of good-will and rapport. Remember, that your initial goal as a hypnotic speaker is to get the other person to like you. For this, you shall use a bit of verbal ju-jitsu In clinical psychology, shrinks use a technique that gets people talking non-stop. Whenever their patient finishes saying something, the psychologist will simply repeat their last word. This causes the patient to elaborate further. Psychologist: How long have these nightmares been recurring? Patient: For a week. I’ve been seeing horrible demons. Psychologist: Demons? Patient: Yes, they’re all black and carrying roses. I think they’re symbolical. Psychologist: Symbolical? Patient: They must represent something. I don’t know what. But I feel that maybe it has to do with my step-brother. Psychologist: Step-brother?...

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This technique delivers well, despite its mechanical nature. Psychologists uncover inner conflicts because layers of elaboration result from the relentless questioning. Amazingly, psychologists charge hundreds of dollars per hour simply for repeating your last word…. As a hypnotic speaker, you are to go one step further and use a bit more finesse. Instead of repeating the last word, you are to paraphrase the gist of your prospect’s thought. Observe the technique: Psychologist: How long have these nightmares been recurring? Patient: For a week. I’ve been seeing horrible demons. Psychologist: You’ve been plagued by monstrous things and you can’t rest. Patient: Yes, they’re all black and carrying roses. I think they’re symbolical. Psychologist: You feel these apparitions signify something you want to identify. Patient: Yes. They must represent something. I don’t know what. But I feel that maybe it has to do with my step-brother. Psychologist: You’re not sure of the link, but you suspect your step-brother triggers the nightmares…. Through the careful paraphrasing, your prospect feels that you are genuinely interested in what you have to say. He will feel at ease and open up. Personal revelations will indubitably surface and these are goldmines for you. Remember them. Jot them down if you have to. In later sections of this book, you will learn how to use the bits of trivia you uncover in order to promote yourself.

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3.7.

What’s Your Story…?

R

ecall the many movies where a character utters “So, what’s your story?” The line is magnetic. Whoever hears that enters himself and emerge with truckloads to tell. He may narrate anything of current significance. As you listen, watch his eyes glaze over as he delights over his tale.

Whenever you grope for words to say, and have none, just say “So what’s your story.” Or point at his broken arm and ask, “what’s the story behind that.” Feeling tongue tied with that amazing girl? Gesture towards her quaint brooch and whisper, “What’s the tale behind that?”

3.7.1. The Two Second Rule Allow the other person to narrate to his heart’s content. Don’t interrupt. Remember the two second rule: Don’t say anything until two seconds have elapsed after the other person’s last statement. You show respect in this manner and the other person will admire you for that. No one hates anything more than being interrupted. The magical aspect about two seconds is that you allow the person the liberty of continuing his speech or catching his breath. If you start talking one second after his last statement, you risk interrupting him. He may have had more things to say and was just taking a breath of air. Only when he is truly done, is the time to speak. Have the patience to wait at least two seconds. Then if he has nothing to say, speak Give him respect and he will adore you for it.

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3.8.

Getting into Their Skin

W

hat you have just learned was the magic of active questioning and listening. You launched powerful questions to elicit answers. As he spoke, you listened. Questioning and listening by itself works magic because you feed the ego of the other person. You make him feel important.

The time will come when you will have to state something other than a question. Between old-time friends, anything goes. You can mention something about your molars even if your friend is discussing nuclear reactors. Established friendships allow enough conversational leeway. Between acquaintances, the dynamics of conversation demand more tact. Remember that your goal is to make the other person like you. Recall previous conversations where the other person did nothing but disagree. Whatever you said, he countered. You must have been boiling as murderous thoughts seeped into your head. On the other hand, remember the times when both you and your best friend pranced in verbal harmony. Both of you flitted on the same wavelength. It was almost as though both of you arrived at the same thought at the same time. Harmony and agreement flowed easily. You relished the conversation. You task, in any new relationship is to recreate that same aura of agreement. By actively seeking points to agree upon, you weave the webs of attraction. It is vital not just to agree, but also to demonstrate an understanding of the other person’s viewpoint. Of course, perpetual agreement is impossible. Points of conflict always loom close by. Attracting your partner entails forgetting the differences for the moment and treading common ground. The quickest route to manifest agreement is to listen for experiences, facts, or opinions which you feel strongly for and to acknowledge them: “I agree with that” “Yes, that is true” “That is astute. I think so myself” “That is also my understanding” “Why, you and I think alike!”

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Oftentimes, we don’t simply state our agreement. It is better to elaborate on your agreement in order to further demonstrate your empathy with the speaker. When elaborating, it is wise to recall an incident in your life that closely resembles that of your new friend’s and to narrate it in parallel. This technique is called Parallel Empathizing.

3.8.1. Parallel Empathizing Commit to memory the formula to achieve parallel empathizing. 1) Actively listen to the speaker 2) Understand the gist of his narration 3) Recall an incident, event or happening that closely parallels his experience. 4) Narrate your incident in direct analogy to demonstrate your sympathy for his point. The succeeding example illustrates the technique. Mary: I’m fed up with my son. He skips class, cheats and never does his work. I don’t know how to handle him anymore! I’ve given him everything. Jim: I can see what you mean. My sister goes through the same hell. Her son avoids class just to run with that pack of bums. She suspects they’re on drugs and she’s terribly worried. I am too! Mary: Sighh.. why do we suffer such problems! I don’t think we deserve the aggravation! Observe how Mary’s feelings are accurately mirrored back to her. Jim demonstrates a thorough understanding of Mary’s plight through a similar one of his own. Mary enjoys a measure of relief, realizing that someone else undergoes the same tribulation. Rapport between Mary and Jim becomes strong.

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Parallel empathizing creates tremendous rapport especially if strong emotions are involved in the discussion. Whenever someone demonstrates passionate feeling, empathize it right away with an experience of your own. You will quickly get into their skin and create stronger bonds with each successful attempt.

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4.

Attitudes of Power

"Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes." -- Carl Jung

4.1.

Power Lies Within

T

iger Woods plays a mean game of golf. No one could slice a ball the way he could. The man blazes through history as the best golf player ever to walk the earth.

In order to win his games, Mr. Woods prefers certain kinds of clubs. Most probably, they are top-of-the-line models, those types which only he could afford. He probably also favours certain brands of balls, golf shoes and apparel. Like you and I, he has preferences. Now imagine that aliens decided to abduct Tiger Woods. In his place, they choose to insert you. They change your face and body type. Then they give you his clubs, his balls, and his shoes. You look like Mr. Woods, and you wield his prized implements too. Now, they pit you against an average player. The aliens sponsor a tournament in the largest golf green and sell millions of tickets world-wide. Confident, you jump into the fray with your best Tiger Woods pose. You grip his magical irons and swing. And you lose. Badly. What was the missing ingredient? You could look like Mr. Woods. You carry his weapons. But you are not him. The essence of Tiger Woods is not within you. His attitude, his skill, his memories his years of experience… all these make Tiger the winning man that he is.

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In the same way, you cannot be a hypnotic speaker simply by knowing the techniques that you will learn in this book. The real hypnotic speaker first develops certain key beliefs and espouses specific power attitudes. With these attitudes, you create the edge which allows you to take command of any personal encounter. Well-developed attitudes are vital to success because they set the framework for all current and future behaviour. If you believe that you are worthless and uncharismatic, then you cannot persuade anybody. Using all the techniques of persuasion and seduction in the world will not help. Your external techniques must be consistent with your inner beliefs. Rumor has it that Don Juan carried the face of a maggot. Yet, he seduced thousands of women because of his steely confidence. Hence, prior to making contact with people, examine yourself first. Check your attitudes. Weed out those which obstruct your quest for social triumph. Reinforce those which goad social flexibility. In my study of human behaviour, I readily ascertain six core attitudes which naturally promote personal power. These attitudes compose the mind-set of the effective hypnotic speaker. Anyone can adopt the core attitudes. You can do it NOW by constantly behaving in a manner consistent with these attitudes, you automatically integrate them into your personality.

4.2.

Power Attitudes

4.2.1. Genuine Interest in Others

A

man who has no interest in his neighbours would readily admit that he has three best friends: “Me, Myself and I.” An attitude of self-centeredness blatantly manifests itself in conversations

thru:

Persistent interruptions Lack of focus on other speakers

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Hogging conversational topics Refusal to share the floor Bragging. Rejection of constructive criticism How long do you think you can survive a conversation dominated by an abrasive speaker who refuses to listen and drawls long into the evening? You will think of all kinds of excuses to escape, and will avoid all contact with him in the future. Self-centered speakers cannot obtain their objectives because their very abrasiveness alienates people and ultimately fosters resistance. In order to create an atmosphere of cooperation, you, as a hypnotic speaker, must leave your ego at the door whether you approach the negotiation table or meet with a stranger on the street. Put the other person’s emotional needs before your own. Hence, you are to focus the limelight on anyone but yourself. Talk about their needs, their dreams, their hobbies. Discuss anything under the sun for as long as it pertains to them. Over the course of the conversation, you will have created exquisite rapport. Your interest in the other person will be appreciated and shall spark the beginnings of a mutual respect.

4.2.2. Incorrigible Humour

H

ow we love to laugh! Humour is the spice that breaks dire monotony and uplifts even the weariest of spirits. Remember what some doctors say? “Laughter is the best Medicine”

Laughing causes the brain to release tremendous chemicals which momentarily turbo charges your entire system. Everything, from your mood to your immune system skyrockets. A few years ago, a movie depicted the power of laughter. In the movie, a doctor made the rounds among his patients dressed as a clown. His hilarious antics goaded the sick onto the quick road to health. Sometimes, a dose of laughter beats a ton of morphine.

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Like the good doctor, carry an irrepressible sense of humour. Crack jokes. Laugh at yourself. Make your opening lines funny. Treat events lightheartedly (except at a funeral). People in your vicinity will find themselves infected with vivacity. People will think of you as a fun individual and will be drawn to you. Try this experiment. For one entire day, walk around town with a haggard face and vicious growl. Count how many people approach you. The next day, plaster on a sincere smile. Make your eyes sparkle. Have a good word to say to each person you meet. Crack an anecdote. Tease with a quip. The difference will astound you. Of course, moderation should be observed. Humour in the right amounts produce grand results. Overdo it and people will judge you a buffoon. You want people to laugh with you, not at you.

4.2.3. A Radiant Confidence

M

isery loves company and not the other way around. Now that you’re already committed to becoming a mesmerizing, hypnotic speaker, it’s time to pull yourself together. Walk tall, chest out. Breathe deeply. Make your movements slow and deliberate. A confident man is someone to rally around; he becomes an impregnable barrier reef whom others seek security from. Confident people inspire admiration in others. Almost all the stereotypical heroes in our movies reek confidence. Observe how their chins jut out, how they occupy lots of space and how measured their sweeping gestures are. Confidence emanates power. Power attracts. A sure way to inspiring others to believe in you is to appear confident. Appearing confident gradually makes you internally confident. Your posture is a good place to begin building the appearance of confidence. Try stooping over, with your eyes downcast for an hour. Inevitably, you will find yourself feeling depressed. Your movements automatically become sluggish. The next day, walk around ram-rod straight. Move like you own the world and make eye contact. Observe how your confidence surges. This link between confidence and posture provides you with a powerful way of infusing yourself with self-assurance anytime.

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Whenever you feel depressed, hold yourself up, tall and proud. Others will envy your poise. And you will love yourself for it.

4.2.4. Overpowering Assertiveness "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now -- when?" -- Hillel

I

magine for a moment that you are seated at a posh restaurant. The waiter comes and your order a thick, rare, juicy steak. The waiter promises a ten minute prep time and scurries off.

Thirty minutes elapse and you’re still waiting. Only the soft tinkle of the piano and the lazy fish in the aquarium diverts your attention from the gnawing hunger. Forty five minutes elapse. Still no steak, and that spoon starts to look delicious. One hour. Then the steak comes. It’s thin, and over done. Do you: A) Swallow your pride, eat the steak, and leave, feeling cheated? B) Send the steak back with thunderous threats and insults. C) Patiently explain to the waiter that you’ve waited for an hour to dine on a rare steak. Most people would behave passively (behaviour A) or aggressively (behaviour B). In either case, you lose. Passive behaviour causes you to relinquish your rights. You ordered a thick steak, waited long, and are served a substandard piece of burnt carcass. Accepting the meal without a whimper is wrong because you lose confidence in yourself and your abilities to ask for what is rightly yours. Aggressive behaviour on the other hand, is overkill. People who launch into explosive tirades and violent behaviour create anger and resentment in other people. Angry people may resist, or worse, undermine your efforts. In the previous example, the slighted waiter could take revenge by getting another steak and secretly rubbing it on his derriere before serving it. The aggressor and his victim rarely arrive at mutual common ground; hence aggression must be avoided.

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Assertive behaviour straddles a middle ground between passive and aggressive behaviour. The assertive individual always speaks his mind, but in a tactful manner. Hence, he never goes home feeling cheated, nor does he incur resentment in others. A shot of assertiveness is the antidote to being a pushover. The best time to be assertive is when you have this queasy feeling in your gut that something is wrong. Your intuition rarely lies. When you feel that you have the short end of the stick, speak out. First state the situation, then second, politely request for what you think is equitable. This golden formula spikes up your assertive quotient ten points. Remember that you hold the following Trinity of Rights: The right to state your opinion. The right to demand what’s fairly yours. The right to refuse (unless you have prior obligations). From these basic rights are spawned other derivatives; however, just keep these in mind and watch your dealings with people rapidly improve. The hypnotic speaker must inculcate assertiveness because without it, he cannot demand what he needs in the first place. To reach a satisfying conclusion, he first identifies his goals, delivers them assertively, and negotiates for concessions.

4.2.5. Intrepid Initiative

E

very war is started by at least one side. Frequently, the initiator brings with him the element of surprise. That extra edge could easily tilt the balance in his favour.

Like warriors, you must fire the first volley. Your role is as catalyst. Think about your objectives and actively seek out your prey. Don’t wait for them to come to you. Develop the propensity for initiative in all that you do till it becomes second nature. Make phone calls first. Come to meetings before everyone does. Open the floor. Terminate the sessions. People will see that you mean

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business. They won’t fool with you. Keep at the initiative. Your relentless momentum will keep others off balance and they may soon just go along with your ideas. This is not to say that you won’t listen! Listen to others, mine their proposals for inspiration, and integrate them into your own. You will quickly learn new viewpoints and develop a rich framework that will easily tantalize the multitudes. Remember, also, to acknowledge borrowed ideas. People will love you for that. In fact, your proposals will gain greater support if you intersperse your suggestions with lines such as: “…And as Mr. Foster here says, marketing should focus on the direct mail approach. I agree because this takes the company back to its core competency. In light of all the above, I now suggest that direct mail be integrated into the macro proposal of direct distribution which I had been urging the board since the beginning…. Etc” Mr. Foster will be pleased pink that you quoted him. He will become a staunch ally and buttress your own points in succeeding discussions. Remember, take the initiative, but share the glory. The alternative is to face the challenges alone.

4.2.6. Sensual Enthusiasm

E

nthusiasm quickly infects like a virus. Recall the last time a friend animatedly narrated how she won at a casino. As you listened to her rapid voice and watched the glowing sparkle in her eyes, you must have found yourself growing ever more enthusiastic and impatient to play. The next day, you splurged at the casino. Enthusiasm creates delightful urgency in your listeners. When you try to sell your product, describe it as though it meant the world to you. Narrate its every quirk, and feature and discuss how you personally benefited. Your listeners will detect your sincerity and imagine how they themselves could use that product, thereby becoming as blissfully happy as you.

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Romance benefits from enthusiasm. As you play the love game, infuse your words and gestures with gusto. You are selling yourself, and you need to demonstrate just how enthusiastic she will be when she goes out with you. I observed that people take a serious stance when selling or proposing. Unless you are an undertaker selling a graveyard plot, that won’t work. You have to engage your prospect’s mind with delightful visions of what they will experience by acceding to your proposal. Enthusiasm provides just that electric jolt. Here’s how to demonstrate enthusiasm: Smile from ear to ear. Don’t fake it with that half smile. Show your pearly whites. Laugh with gusto. Chortling doesn’t count. Slam your knee, your table when you make a point. Gesture with grandiosity. Vary the tone and timbre of your voice. Let it rise and fall as the waves of the sea. Maintain an upright, but relaxed posture. Uncross your arms and legs. Loosen up! Armed with bubbly enthusiasm, you enliven yourself, emanate a sense of conviction, and rally others to your enlightened perspective. Enthusiasm spawns a delightful child, Charisma.

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5.

Unleashing the Lethal Tongue I walk down the street. There is a hole. I don't see it. I fall in. It isn't my fault. It takes a very long time to get out. I walk down the same street. There is still a deep hole. I pretend not to see it. I fall in. I pretend it's still not my fault. It takes a long time to get out. I walk down the same street. There is still the same deep hole. I see it. I fall in anyway. It's a habit. I get out quicker this time. I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole. I see it. I walk around it. I don't fall in. I walk down a different street. Portia Nelson

We traditionally persuade others through brute force. Remember how you coerced your mom into a candy bar as a child? You would bludgeon her with requests till she gave in. Over and over, we repeat our point, hoping that the idea eventually lodges in the brain. Obviously mommy didn’t like it.

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As mature adults, we are still guilty of this method of persuasion. It is called the “Broken Record” approach. This technique allows you to get what you want from time to time. People give in, not because you convinced them, but because you annoyed them. Eventually, this approach backfires when your listeners acquire immunity to your ranting. Other conventional approaches to persuasion involve threats. Bullies love to pronounce grave bodily harm so as to pressurize weaker individuals. Some preachers levy threats when they wash our minds with hellish horror stories to scare us into repentance. Today, this type of persuasion already works infrequently. We either beat up the bully or tune out the preacher when he spews his fire and brimstone. Bribery is another short-lived tactic. A big enough bribe works wonders. Run out of money, and you lose power. Traditional methods like the Broken Record Method, and Threat lose potency with time because they create irritation. They work overtly. Hence, they are best left to amateurs. Don’t make the mistake of employing brute tactics over and over until you find yourself simply ignored. Truly powerful persuasion techniques convince others of your point, thereby empowering them to act upon it, on their volition. The ideal persuasion system touches the emotions and acts upon the psyche very subtly. The less aware the other person is of your attempt, the better. Prepare to learn a truly influential system which creates lasting influence. This is the system of hypnotic speaking.

5.1.

Bomb the Emotions; Nuke the Senses

N

aturally, we are aware that the best way to get someone to do something is to have him fiercely believe in what he is doing. Conviction provides emotional driving force that readily sustains action. Consider the following true-life scenarios: A soldier is prepared to die in battle because he knows that his action could

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save his hometown. A doctor works 24hour shifts not because of pay, but because he sees his mandate as a self-less healer. Caring mothers give up their careers because they believe that their sick child deserves full-time support These people all believed in what they did. Belief spurs action. You must create a strong emotional belief before you could expect anyone to follow. Charismatic leaders understand that their constituents will unite when emotionally stimulated. Recall how Hitler rallied his country to bloody war. Hitler hated the Jews and stirred up a national hatred so vicious, that his countrymen championed the cause, regardless of its immorality. They believed that Jews must be purged and so they acted upon it. Hitler knew how to stir up emotion. Like Hitler, Mao Tse Tung, Stalin and Napoleon used to gift of fiery speech to launch action. Even after the speech ends, the embers of the message remains. Emotional people will act without further goading. Hitler knew how to speak hypnotically. Indeed, hypnotic speech is powerful. Hypnotic speech explodes an incendiary conviction within your listener by directly engaging his emotions. You kindle, a sense of excitement, of urgency, of enthusiasm. Strong emotions ultimately compel obedience to your suggestions. History proved that Hitler’s flavour of hypnotic speech worked well. Since his time, the behavioural sciences unearthed more systematic methods of igniting a man into action. Imagine, now, having Hitler’s verbal prowess, plus a host more!

5.1.1. The Framework of Hypnotic Speech

H

ypnotic speech is a comprehensive system of conversing. The previous sections discussed ways of successfully approaching an individual. Once first contact is made and the relationship gets off on the right foot, then comes the time to begin weaving the spells of hypnotic speech.

Hypnotic speech is flexible. You can use it for reasons other than persuading others. You can also employ it to entertain. Or you could apply it to amuse yourself.

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The succeeding sections impart the core aspects of hypnotic speech. Among these include: Learning how words should be structured in order to reduce resistance to your proposals. Primarily, this is achieved through powerful words, known to practitioners of NLP as presuppositions and their appropriate sentence structure. Understanding how emotions are brought about and how you can invoke them at will. Remember that emotions result in action; you want to be able to ignite emotions with your words! Learning a how to deliver your words powerfully and engage all the senses; and Discovering how to unearth your prospect’s desires and use them to promote your own. Understanding the framework of the system now allows you to fully absorb the techniques. Shall we begin…

5.2.

Asserting in the Affirmative

5.2.1. The Power of Positive Statements “Don’t raise your voice at me!!!” “Kindly keep you tone down, please.” Which of the two previous directives are you more inclined to follow? Here are two more:

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Salesclerk A: “No. I don’t think we could help you with that.” Salesclerk B: “Could we help you with something else?” You’d probably want to hit Salesclerk A. Observe how negatively worded statements (they typically have the word don’t) tend to create emotional resistance. If a baby were crying and you scream, “DON’T CRY ANYMORE! It’s driving me nuts!”, I’m pretty sure the baby would bawl ever louder. You could instead say, in soothing tones, “Hush, hush little one… go to sleep… sleep…” Voila! The baby nods to sleep in moments. Like babies, adults respond to positive and negative statements in the same way. Adults hate being told what NOT to do. They see it as a restriction on their liberties. Imagine if speeding and doing drugs became legal. The incidence of either would probably drop. Part of the desire to speed comes from its forbidden nature. Issuing directives or suggestions, likewise must not be perceived as a restriction of liberties. You tempt rebellion by saying things like won’t, don’t, shan’t , no. A key rule in persuasive, hypnotic speaking is to always always, always use the affirmative sentence structure. Don’t tell what shouldn’t be done. Suggest what can be done. From now on, when your son leaves the door open, suggest to him, “Son, kindly close the door behind you.” If you want him to continue forgetting to close the door, say “Hey, don’t leave that door open, okay?” Positive statements build rapport. Rapport creates attraction. Attraction is the tool of hypnotic speakers like yourself.

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5.2.2. Living la Vida Loca

R

icky Martin obviously lived the life. He burst with energy and it was contagious. Look at his sizzling dance steps. Recall his animated TV interviews. No wonder his concerts sold out. The man had energy to spare and his fans wanted to share in his dynamism.

Ricky teaches you the value of a positive outlook. Positive energy must ooze from your pores if you want to inspire others. In addition to speaking positively, carry yourself positively. Move vigorously and pack some pep into your steps. Leave that long face at home. Tackle the world with spunk! As mentioned in earlier sections, positive people attract people. Here are ways to exude a positive outlook: Learn to handshake like an upbeat general who just won the war. Use eye contact. Lots of it. Occupy as much space as you can. Spread your feet, shoulder width. Arms could be mounted akimbo. Talk with animation! Explore your entire range of facial expressions Move briskly or deliberately, depending on the situation. Say what you mean. Don’t be coy about it.

5.3.

O

Touching Magic ne overlooked aspect of interpersonal communications is the art of touching. People think that conversation simply involves speaking. Not so. Part of the dynamic involves touching.

When people get close to each other, touching becomes frequent. Mothers hug their children. Drinking buds punch each other playfully. Lovers caress a cheek. Friends tickle each other. Touch conveys intimacy. It elevates a relationship to higher levels.

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One scientifically confirmed method of creating strong rapport between strangers is to increase the incidence of touching. Strangers who begin touching each other rapidly break down impersonal barriers. They become comfortable with each other. When you touch someone, you convey silent messages like: “I am at ease with you” “You interest me” “I want to get closer” “Let’s close the distance between us” Refusal to touch indicates aloofness. Imagine being with a wife for ten years whom you’ve never even touched. Something must be wrong with that relationship! As could be observed, there is a direct relationship between the level of friendship and the frequency of touch. Generally, the deeper the friendship, the more overt and the more numerous the touches. For each person, the desired frequency of touching varies. Some like it a lot; these are the touchy-feely types. There are also some who get queasy with constant touching. For you, the goal is to find the optimum level of touching with each person you meet. Keep touching them until you sense a resistance. Then back off. Moderate your touching to the amount your companion feels comfortable with. You can touch someone in various ways. Between men, the most obvious is the handshake. Grip someone firmly the first opportunity you could. This way, you convey confidence. Then proceed with light taps to the forearm, shoulder or bicep. A playful punch works wonders to increase rapport. Watch your prospect ease up with ten successive touches. Between a man and a woman, a whole range of touches could be used to subtly hint at intimacy, thereby raising the relationship level. A man could lightly squeeze the forearm or shoulder. Should he feel courageous enough, he could brush an imaginary lint off the cheek. When crossing the street, he gallantly insists on holding her by the waist. Touching pays off in spades provided it is done correctly. When touching, remember two things.

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First, know the frequency of the touch. Not enough is better than too much because your partner might sue for harassment. Second, and more importantly, hone the quality of your touch. Know when a light grazing is preferable to a manly squeeze. When dealing with women, keep your touches to the shoulder, arm and waist regions. Other zones are forbidden.

5.4.

Sizzling Small Talk

T

he first spring board to any truly fulfilling discussion is small talk. Upon meeting someone new, you tend to discuss harmless facts, like politics, personal background… and yes, the weather.

Small talk is your attempt to interest the other person in you and it is your probe to ascertain that this person is worth your time. Often, small talk results in emotional dead ends because it degrades into an exchange of facts after facts. Both parties inevitably bore each other, particularly if common ground is not arrived upon. Consider the following exchange between Don and Eva at the gym. Don: So, you live here? Eva: Yes, I just moved in two years ago. Don: Uh. Okay. How have you been amusing myself. Eva: I have no work yet. So I’m at the gym most of the time. Don: I’m at the gym too, to lose weight. Eva: So I see. Don: So…. Looking for a job? Eva: Sigh…. (looking bored) A barter of nothing but facts does little to stimulate the emotions. Facts have as much colour as a can of white paint. You surely guarantee conversational failure unless you

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direct the discussion towards something with a bit more sizzle. Splatter that conversation with colour; bring in the emotions! Hypnotic speakers who seek to win a contract or woo a girl automatically realize that every conversation should be an avenue to arouse latent emotions. Small talk already provides an excellent avenue for exploring feelings and arousing emotions. In order explode a conversation with emotional colour, you must find the other person’s “hot spots” or interests, and probe how she feels about them. Once you learn how she feels, demonstrate empathy by using the parallel empathizing method discussed much earlier. You can bring out emotions by prodding your partner with words like feel, experience, aware, understand. Ask her, “how do you feel about that?”, “what does that make you feel?” People, and women in particular, love being asked how they feel about something. Ask how someone feels and she enters herself to seek the answers. During the narration, she will naturally and immediately experience the emotions that she describes. You cannot tell stories in an emotional vacuum. Recall how telling a funny incident makes you laugh all over again, or how disclosing a sad story makes you cry. Whatever emotions she experiences, she will link them to you unconsciously. This is the psychological principle of association. If you incur bad luck and Mr. X always happens to be around when that happens, you will then associate Mr. X with the misfortune, regardless of whether there is a connection. You will avoid Mr. X. The key, then, to creating fulfilling discussions and satisfying relationships is to deploy small talk that gets the person talking and experiencing POSITIVE emotion. In this way, the person associates you with happy times and begins to find you magnetic. Here’s an example of eliciting positive emotion: Don: I noticed you come to the gym regularly. You must enjoy it… what do you like to experience here? Eva: I love the way aerobics pumps me up. I feel so stretched, so alive! It’s like I can leap and bounce until I drop. You know that feeling? And then you get second wind and then you just keep on going… Don: Oh yes, like the Energizer bunny huh? I feel the same way when I go on my annual wilderness hike. The nature trail gives me such a rush. Roughing it

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makes me feel attune with nature and wild… you know… without boundaries… fearless! Eva: Wow! You remind me of me! We both love the effort of exertion. I’m glad I met you…. Don: Hahaha. Same here. So how do you feel when you get home after a wonderful day at the gym? Evan: (gushing) blah blah blah Once wondrously pleasurable emotions go on rampage, you can naturally expect that the other person will look forward to more conversations with you. Observe the important words marked in red. They are discussed in the next section.

5.5.

Creating Magnetism with Similarity

5.5.1. The Power of Apparent Similarity

B

irds of a feather flock together. It’s a psychologically proven fact. That’s why we have cliques of like minded individuals and organizations composed of people with similar pursuits. People begin to like each other as soon as they discover common interests. When you share interests with me, you begin to find yourself at ease because you assume we think alike. If we think alike, then surely, a biological and psychological compatibility

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exists. When compatible people mingle, the probability for antagonism is low and mutual support is high. Compatibility is nature’s way of putting different organisms together. There’s less chaos. Recall an instance when you met an acquaintance who seemed to indulge in all the hobbies you had and who talked, walked and even dressed similar to you. Maybe he shared you passion for racing. Or both of you had that unique fondness for fried goose liver pate. This person, is most probably a very close friend of yours. In order for magnetism to occur between two persons, it is vital to introduce similarity. Prod the other person into revealing aspects about herself. Then demonstrate how you agree or sympathize with her paradigms, interests and loves. You can do this easily with phrases like, “Me too!”, “Same here!”, “Wow, just like me!” The principle is not to overdo it. You may begin to appear insincere if you agree with everything only to contradict yourself much later. Listen for ideas that she shares. Mine them for those which you agree with. And vocalize your agreement. Stars will sparkle in her eyes.

5.5.2. Mirroring- The Sneaky Method of Creating Similarity

P

eople who have achieved a very deep conversational rapport begin doing something which perceptive observers consider amazing: a very obvious mirroring of posture and gesture.

Mirroring pertains to the phenomenon whereby two rapt individuals adopt strikingly similar bodily positions. You can observe this between best friends who slouch the same way as they talk. They would also wave or gesticulate at nearly the same time and manner. Lovers at a restaurant unconsciously demonstrate mirroring. The man and the woman lean towards each other at the same angle. They tilt their heads in the same direction. When the woman coughs, the man sneezes. When she raises her glass, he raises his spoon.

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Mirroring indicates a strong bonding, and from exhaustive studies, is proven to create very potent rapport. An almost supernatural attraction occurs between mirroring individuals. This has implications for the hypnotic speaker. Should you wish to induce instant enthrallment with someone else, begin by adopting the same pose as the other person. You should look like a mirror image of her. Furthermore, adopt the same gestures as your prospect, but take care to move a few seconds after she has, so as not to appear to overt. Subtlety prevents suspicion. Remember that it is not necessary to do exactly the same thing. What is important is that you employ the same movements. For instance, you may scratch your nose if she rubs her eye. Mirroring occurs naturally in situations between intimate friends. Observe how you already do it spontaneously with people you feel comfortable with. You can exploit this natural phenomenon to enhance your social circle; apply it even with strangers! Give it a shot.

5.6.

Electric Words

Psssst…. Now, I’ve got an amazing secret to share.

T

here is actually no secret. I merely demonstrated how using impact words create sudden interest.

In the English language, certain words create an emotional spike. Each time you use such a word, you rivet your listener’s focus upon you. Prolonged focus creates a hypnotic effect. By heaping electric words one after the other, you lull your listener into a near alpha-state enthrallment. You will observe his eyes glazing over, his breathing slowing down, and an almost narcotic concentration. As a person enters the alpha-state, which is a state of accelerated learning and relaxation, his mind absorbs information like a sponge. In short, he becomes highly impressionable. Ripe for persuasion. Recall instances when an ad stole your attention and held you in thrall. The ad not only proposed some wondrous benefit, it liberally machine gunned your consciousness with words like:

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Amazing

Horrifying

Sensational

Discover/ Explore

Breakthrough

Realize

Secret

Revealed

Proven

Power / love

Controversial

Glorious

Sexy

Slammed

Guaranteed

Impressive

Electric words create sudden interest because they inspire curiosity, promote mystery and demand action. Do you think you could resist a speaker who takes the floor, raises his hand for silence and thunders: “Gentlemen! It has come to my attention that a breakthrough discovery at NASA has rocked the scientific community. Today, I will reveal all to you…” Even if nature called, you would have delayed it till the speaker delivered his piece. Electric words are best used at the onset of your persuasive speech to ensnare attention. Once you see that you’ve hooked your listener, you can taper off in your use of these high-impact words. The list of electric words go beyond those which I’ve listed for your convenience. For as long as your words ignite curiosity and create a desire to discover, it is electric. The very word discover itself is electric. With discover you tantalize your listener into lusting for a secret… another hypnotic word. One hint for creating electric words: Make them snappy and single/dual-syllabled. Use the word bloody instead of sanguinary. Don’t send your listeners to the dictionary. That is not hypnotic. Electric words offer situational versatility. Use them frequently at your discretion:

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Some electric words Sales “Mr. Smith we understand your desire to improve office productivity. What we offer now is a controversial, yet amazing discovery which has slammed the competition. We guarantee that you will find that the XL5-C will boost your income 500%!” Romance “Clarissa, there’s a secret I’ve been dying to share…..” (dramatic pause) “How you would feel to discover that I’ve loved you since that day on the beach…long ago… how you’ve been my heart and my soul, every waking moment…. I would like for us to explore something really amazing…”

5.7.

The Big Guns: Stealthy Word-Play I

5.7.1. Power Up Your Verbs and Kick Them Off!

E

lectric words offer a good enthralling start. With it, you effectively trap attention.

The question is, could you maintain that attention long after you’ve ventured into the middle of your speech? A fiery start may end in a crash and burn situation unless you pump a steady flow of adrenaline. Yawns indicate waning interest. Fortunately, you will now learn a magnetic delivery method that sustains interest long after you’ve stopped shooting the electric words.

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For the beginning, let’s make a simple statement. “The robber was kicked by Jack” Sound good? Not very awe inspiring. Jack looked like a wimp. “Jack kicked the robber.” Better. Yet we could improve on the wording and tonality. Jack appears to need a bit of adrenaline. “Jack slammed the robber and spilled his guts!” (Italicized words are mentioned in louder, firmer tones) Now how’s that? Jack certainly got the robber’s attention, and he got all the bystanders gawking as well. Bravo for Jack! Jack illustrates a sure-fire way of maintaining interest. As a speaker, you deliver your sentences in the active form. Saying that “the robber was kicked by jack” is passive and diminishes the sense of movement. State all your verbs in the active tense and you already pump up the adrenaline. Deploy the use of colourful verbs. “Kick” is an everyday word that lost much emotional impact. When you say “slam”, people imagine bone crunching action. It hurts. That makes it hypnotic. Remember that throughout the conversation, you must maintain a charged atmosphere. Keep your prospect at the edge of her seat. Using high impact verbs delivered in the active form overwhelms the dam of emotions. For as long as you channel those emotions towards your objectives, you can persuade people. A few more examples should illustrate the point. “Mr. Smith howled in protest and knocked over the thief” “Mary Jane quivered in anticipation after tearing open the envelope.”

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“You will leap with delight as the income figures rocket through the roof”

5.7.2. Tri-Component Narratives

W

e have five senses. We explore the world through the sense of touch, taste, sight, hearing and smell. The world takes on a three dimensional form as our senses assimilate all that stimuli and feeds them to our brain.

Snuff off the sense of sight. Suddenly, the world loses a vital dimension. We lose our appreciation of rainbows, of blue skies of emerald trees. We may hear the rustling of the leaves and experience the grit of the loamy earth, but we feel… incomplete. Blindness robs you of the total experience. The sensuality we enjoyed as a whole individual is gone. If the loss of a sense drastically impacts our perception of the world, imagine now, how important the synergy of all sensory input must be to the brain? The brain requires as much sensual stimuli as possible in order to create sense out of every experience. Powerful, persuasive conversation should therefore offer a multifaceted, multisensual narration to fully capture an experience and create compelling pictures. If you are to influence someone, you must engage his imagination fully by describing a benefit or a phenomenon from all sensual perspectives. Use your sense of touch, taste, sight, hearing and smell. With such a complete, three dimensional picture, your listener will automatically find your proposals irresistibly compelling. Observe the following example: “Mr. Wakefield, with the XM5 mainframe installed, you will not only see happy customers flooding your door, you will also hear your employees tittering with delight over its ease of use. Your building will literally flood with business. Can you hear the ring of your cash register now…. You can already smell success, can’t you?” Engage as many of the senses as possible, and your speech creates a compelling pull that you yourself will find irresistible!

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5.7.3. Similes and Parallelisms

A

simile pertains to phrases which compare different ideas. We learned about similes in grammar school; today, we sadly relegate that skill to the dusty shelves of our minds. (That, incidentally, was a simile)

It is pitiful because similes evoke forceful imagery that arouses emotions. Consider how similes enliven your speaking: “.… fights like a lion; sting like a bee,” “…. rage like a typhoon” “…. Attract girls like a magnet.” The idea behind similes is to create alluring parallels between your vague concepts and that of a concrete, easily observable idea. Imagine telling a woman: “Your eyes make my knees quiver like a reed in a storm… oh how you make my heart sing like violins… after all these years, be mine!” Deploy similes and charge your listener’s mind with powerful imagery. Are you aware that with frequent simile usage, what you say becomes as compelling as a gun to your head. That, too, is a simile. Did you find that compelling enough?

5.7.4. Metaphors

M

etaphors mimic similes, but are more direct. Similes use the words “as… as” and “like.” Hence, we have similes that go “a smile as radiant as the sun.”

For those who crave a more forceful evocation of emotional imagery, you may deploy metaphors. ‘

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To use metaphors, first, take the concept you want to explain, and describe it in terms of concrete events. The difference is that with metaphors, you eliminate the words “as…as” and “like” Consider Mr. Jameson’s case: “So, Mr. Jameson, you find your production process sluggish? I guarantee that the employee empowerment program will reduce your turn-over cycle and allow you to rebound with an explosive slam-dunk of your profit goals.” The link between business process and basketball incites action. If Mr. Jameson were a basketball fan, he would appreciate the analogy all the more… and be compelled to act upon it. Listen to romantic Don Juan’s love metaphor… “Marian, allow me to whisk you away from all this so we can strum beautiful music on the strings of your heart…” Naughty knaves use it to seduce… “Desiree, I will now ravage your flower and take command of your heart!” Depending on your delivery, similes and metaphors could get anyone palpitating over an acquisition or dripping with romantic desire.

5.7.5. Mesmerizing Tales

B

ack in your youthful years, you would snuggle on grandma’s lap as she spins tales of adventure.

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Granny told stories so compellingly! Whether she whispered of a big bad wolf or screamed of a rampaging lion, you would shiver with delicious fear. Then, later, you would drool as she described gingerbread houses and succulent candy canes. Granny knew how to rivet your attention. Each night, her tales rocked you on an emotional roller coaster ride. Before you would drop off to sleep, your mind still rings with her immersive stories… and you dream of them in earnest. Stories have magic. Stories stimulate moods and emotions because a person who listens to a story has no recourse but to imagine what you tell in order to understand it. Do you remember those war films wherein a commander inflames his men with a rousing speech? Very often, he would weave a tale of heroic veterans who braved formidable odds to survive. The men imagine the hardships of the heroes and find themselves energized with vigour. Stories rally soldiers to war. Storytelling forms key part of the hypnotic speaker’s arsenal. You can find people easily persuadable if you first tell them a story geared to arouse emotions related to your objectives. If you are a salesman arguing for an amazing new product, you can narrate how previous customers have burned with enthusiasm for it. If you are a CEO asserting that the board maintains its old plants instead of scuttling them, you can recount the solid years of performance and loyalty that the plants’ staffers have poured into it… and how they brought the company’s stock ratings through the roof. If you are a glib-tongued romancer, you can seduce a woman’s heart by relating someone else’s a passionate love story in erotic tones. I once mentioned how well Hitler enraged his nation at the Jews. His speeches incited fury because he magnified details of how the Jews sapped the German nation of their resources, and how they proliferated uncontrollably. He created a despicable image of Jews as rabid rats that multiplied and spread filth. Hitler was wrong of course. But Hitler demonstrated how powerfully you can channel action through the use of tales. Stories can arouse emotions in a manner that almost no other technique can. Let me tell you a real secret this time. Don Juan was a masterful story teller. He lacked a great deal in the looks department; in fact, I could bet that you have far better looks than he had. Nonetheless, he bowled those women over because he told stories with such erotic passion, that women throbbed in lust for him.

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When you decide to use the power of stories, you must first identify the specific emotion that you wish for your listener to assume. Once you have pinpointed that emotion, follow the succeeding steps: Powerful Tale Crafting State the emotion that you want to provoke. Describe in lucid detail the subjective experience you are provoking. Physically manifest the emotion that you are narrating. Escalate the story telling with growing passion until your prospect throbs with the emotion you are inducing. Let’s imagine that we want John to become a risk taker and experience a desire to buy in a certain speculative stock. Here’s how we would weave a tale compelling him to proceed. “John, I understand how you feel about caution. It’s your hard-earned money. You have the right to safeguard it, and I agree that keeping it in the bank is probably the safest thing you could do with it. That’s how I felt ten years ago before I invested in Risk-Tech stock. Then one morning, I woke up and wondered why the hell are these bankers making profits out of my money and they’re only paying me 4 measly percent?? I mean, that’s outrageous. That’s when I decided that I’ve had enough of being too timid. I wanted to make it big and the only way to accomplish this is through some daring. I mean, hey, Bill Gates, Michael Dell and John D. Rockefeller weren’t grannies. They didn’t make their fortunes by keeping their greenbacks in the bank. What they did is go out and jump into dizzying high-stakes gambles. So that’s what I did. I studied the stock market and saw that Risk-Tech was on the ascent. I called my broker without a word and plunged right in. I felt really high… almost detached from my body as I ordered him to purchase 10,000 shares at $8 each. Then two weeks later, the price per share doubled to $16. I was rich… oh boy oh boy oh boy… My mind played with the possibilities of what that money could do for me. See, now, John. For as long as we are open to exploring some calculated risk, we could reap a reward that compensates the anxiety of doing something new…”

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A technique in story telling is never to mention your prospect in your story. By recounting the stories of other people, your prospect subconsciously feels safe to experience the emotion that your real or fictional characters are experiencing. Once he begins immersing in those emotions, you’ve snagged him! Here’s a final example, this time with the objective of getting someone to have an open mind. “Mark, I think all of this would be pretty different if we had an open mind about it. It’s amazing just how being open minded improves how you do thing and perceive experiences. I remember long ago when I was fourteen and these bullies picked on me everyday at school. They would push me around and tear at my shirt. I often went home with bloody knees. I kept it secret from mom of course and I never fought back because I believed that if I just kept quiet, they would go away.” “For three years, they never went away. I begun to question my belief in being passive. Obviously, being quiet doesn’t help. So I resolved to try a new way of approaching the situation. I was all fired up; I wanted the bullying to stop. At first, I spoke up. I told them to stop. They sneered and I got more clothes torn.” “Then one day, I passed this dojo at main street. They taught martial arts and I was fascinated with how smaller kids could overpower the larger ones. I signed up abruptly, ready to try anything. Secretly, I practiced every night for months. During day time, I got my ass kicked by the bullies.” “Then on the 8th month of my practice I got my brown belt. I grinned. I knew I was prepared. So the next day, the bullies came and I no longer stood like a passive shmuck. I could barely believe how fast I moved. They were a crumpled wreck in minutes…” “I finally stood up for myself and I felt proud. They never picked on me again because I decided to try a different tack of approaching my problems…”

5.7.6. Magnetic Interrogatives Did you know that there’s a powerful way to focus attention like a laser? Do you want to learn it?

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And there is, through the use of tantalizing questions. In that last sentence, I grabbed your attention with the promise of a secret. Questions are powerful. They direct the mind to pay close attention. The human mind is designed to seek solutions to problems. By posing a rhetorical question, you immediately capture the mind’s focus and set it working on an answer. As the brain churns to come up with an answer, you help guide it by feeding it with the information you want to infuse into your listener. Incredible, isn’t it? Questions are very persuasive. You can use questions as powerful openers. As you launch a question, be sure that it is positively worded and that it taunts with a hint of mystery. Here are the rules for question making: Know beforehand the answers that your questions seek. Craft a teasing rhetorical question Follow up with a series of related questions which are answerable with your solutions. Follow up with the solution that you want your prospect to believe in. Bombarding someone’s mind with question after question causes him to stop thinking and to crave for an immediate answer. Once you give the solution, he latches on to it as a drowning man to a life preserver. Consider Ricky, who intends to ask Janine out on a sudden road trip: Ricky: You look bored Janine… Janine: sigh, yes I am. Ricky: Would you like to have a bit of fun?... Maybe you’re wondering what it would take to put a smile on that cute face of yours? I wonder how delighted you would be to just be spontaneous? Do you like seeing the sights?... How about a bit of excitement right this very minute? Sound good? Do you think feeling the rush of wind as you just drive off somewhere would make you feel good?... Janine, the car is gassed up and ready to go. What do you say?

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Questions can also be deployed as hidden directives. Properly worded, you can order someone to do something if you use questions draped in pleasant vibes. For instance, imagine asking someone: “Do you want to buy my bag?” Hard sell. That doesn’t sound persuasive. Now if you reworded that question to inject emotion into it, you can influence the mind. “Do you realize how delighted you will be when you buy this sturdy Gucci?” By implying delight in the question, you create subtle force in the direction of an affirmative answer. Here are a few more power questions. “I wonder if you would be gallant enough to open the door for me?” “I wonder how soon you will realize a mastery of Lethal Tongue… and how delighted you will be?” “How pleased you will be to discover your powers of influence increasing with each chapter of this book?” Use interrogative techniques with the implication of positive benefit. And use them frequently. Therein lies its power.

5.7.7. Shrouded Interrogatives If a salesman delivered a lengthy speech on the merits of Widget DR5, and finally concluded with:

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“Sir, you’ve heard all the benefits that this system offered you. Now, would you like to hear more, or shall we proceed with the order?” Tricky question isn’t it? Even if you didn’t desire to buy, answering yes or no will not send him away. Say yes, and the salesman will say, “We proceed with the order then.” Say no, and the salesman will say, “Very well sir, you don’t want to hear anymore? That means it’s alright to proceed with the order…” In the courts of law, this type of question is called a complex question. Judges forbid such questioning because it confuses witnesses. The witness cannot answer yes or no to both questions at the same time. A complex question is in fact a shrouded interrogative. Creating the master question requires that you link two separate questions at the same time. The first question, whether answerable with a yes or no, ultimately confirms the final question. So, even if the prospect answers in the negative, you still trap him into acceding to your final objective, which is answerable by the second question. Other examples follow: “Would you like to discuss this further or shall we execute the decision?” “Do you need to have anymore information before we give the go signal?” Tricky, aren’t they.

5.7.8. Stealthy Ambiguities

T

he persuasive speaker often resorts to ambiguities when he runs out of logical support. Ambiguities pertain to statements which could mean several things at once. Ambiguities that are bunched up together confuses the listener’s mental processes. At saturation point, the brain stops analyzing what you are trying to say and allows your message to hit home. The one true use of the barrage of ambiguous statements is to convey multiple meanings and through them, easily trick the mind into

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selecting the meaning you want through a last statement which sorts out the chaos. It’s like using magic to blind the eye and pull out a desired emotion from the confusion. How do you use ambiguous statements to consolidate your point? Deliver a series of ambiguous statements till confusion results. Rescue the listener from confusion by saying something very simple, which is what you wanted the listener to experience from the start. An example of creating ambiguities: “It would be great to proceed with the merger. I know of all these little companies that combined and became financial juggernauts—they rake in billions. Think of that amazing thing. That’s a grand thing, isn’t it?” In the example, precisely what that amazing thing refers to is unknown. It could mean the pending merger, or the previous successful mergers. The prospect will also be confused over whether the grand thing is the upcoming merger or the history of successful alliances. Nonetheless, on an emotional level, the success of the previous mergers is linked to the upcoming merger as being grand. What you have achieved is to link positive emotions to the decision of merging. Another expert example of crafting ambiguities: “I feel both of us would love to dine by candlelight one balmy evening. I visited a chateau that serves excellent sparkling red and steak that really melts… all overlooking the crashing waves fifty feet below. Tremendous experience, I tell you. Think of relishing all that. That would be a wonderful feeling, don’t you think?” You sneaky sly dog! What exactly is the wonderful feeling? Both of you dining by candlelight? Or experiencing an evening at that chateau? Whatever that wonderful feeling pertains to you have created positive emotions towards the prospect of dining out.

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Be ambiguous to confuse, and you, they cannot refuse.

5.7.9. Time Warping

O

ften times, your decisions are rooted to the here and now. Hence, it becomes hard to change your mind.

Time weighs you down like an anchor. In order to open up the mind to new possibilities, it becomes necessary to project actions either to the past or to the future. The moorings are then cast off and the mind can freewheel with endless prospects. Highlighted below are potent examples to warp time. “Can you imagine a point later in the future when doing _____ will be natural for you?” “What would it be like if you can actually do _________” “Was there ever a time in the past when accomplishing ________ was simplicity in itself?” By moving your listener’s perception of time to some other past or future point, you allow him to experience possibilities that he could never have considered before. As he then narrates those possibilities and experiences vivid emotions linked to them, you both move closer to securing the objective you initially set out for him: gradually adopting your proposal.

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5.8.

The Big Guns: Stealthy Word-Play II

5.8.1. Shifting Paradigms

A

person views the world in a specific manner. The sum total of his world- view is a paradigm.

A subset of the paradigm is composed of desires and impulses. For instance a man may have a strong impulse for wealth accumulation due to his upbringing in an aristocratic home. While most impulses remain dominant and obvious throughout one’s life, you will discover that other drives also do exist. A secondary drive manifests itself only occasionally. Behaviours that are inconstant are resultant of secondary drive. For instance a dominant vegetarian will eat greens everyday. But once in a blue moon, his secondary carnivore instincts compel him to consume meat. The existence of secondary drives easily allows you to utilize creative means of persuasion! You can successfully create new behaviours if you describe a desired behaviour to your listener as something inherently part of him, but which he is not aware of yet. In simpler terms, you surface a hidden facet of your prospect, whether it exists or not. For example: “Have you ever felt that there’s a part of you yearning to explore making new friendships? Isn’t that a great feeling?” “Ever got the sensation that a bit of you longs for some risky excitement? Maybe you would like to experience that with me, now?” “My friend, John, often thought a small voice in him demanded that he quit his job and just venture off on his own. There’s more money in entrepreneurship, after all. If you had a little intuition like that, maybe you would heed its call and rake in prosperity!”

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5.8.2. Power Presuppositions

K

enrick Cleveland easily ranks among the most effective practitioners of NLP. NLP, or Neurolonguistic Programming examines how linguistic patterns influence behaviour.

Among Kenrick’s esteemed body of research, one will discover the existence of powerful words, known as presuppositions. Kenrick crafted a list of eighteen powerful words of persuasion which is used by hundreds of NLP practitioners in their quest for influence. Presupposition carry supersonic persuasive impact and could penetrate the mind like a stealth fighter. You will learn dozens of such powerful words in a few moments. Now, analyze the following command: “You will find good reason to accede to my request once you understand the benefits” A listener, given that command, will hesitate a bit, wondering whether he should follow. Commands that sound blunt and blatant create resistance. As we are aware, commands restrict our liberties; hence we resist commands. Rewording the command yields a more palatable directive: “Naturally, you will already begin to find good reason to accede to my request once you understand the benefits.” Isn’t the second version far easier to follow? You will immediately find less internal resistance to accede to the suggestions. The words naturally and already begin are presuppositions which made it very easy for you to accept the command. How does this work?

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Presuppositions presuppose the existence of some fact. When the word naturally is tacked on to the sentence, you are told that whatever follows the word naturally is natural. Hence, the propensity to question what follows diminishes. All this occurs on the subliminal level. You don’t even detect that there is an attempt to blind you to a blatant command. Presuppositions are like stealth fighters that sneak messages under your radar in order to deliver the payload. Presuppositions increase your ability to issue orders by eliminating resistance to them. When do you use presuppositions? You always use them to mask direct commands. Essentially, all persuasive effort consists of suggestions and commands. Presuppositions allow you the flexibility of delivering volleys of directives under the guise of being simple statements of fact. People always agree to facts, and not always to directives. Facts don’t give you a choice. You accept them at face value. With presuppositions, a directive transforms into a statement of fact. In the English language, scores of presuppositions exist. NLP practitioners neatly divided these presuppositions into six primary categories. These include: Category

Examples

Adverb/Adjective

naturally, immediately, easily, automatically, unlimited, truly, already, readily, obviously, begin

Awareness

aware, realize, experience, understand, wonder

Cause and Effect

cause, allows, justifies, forces

Temporal and Time

after, before, first, second, until, during, eventually, while, when

Spatial

beyond, enlarge, further, expand, under, only, around

Command

stop, now

fell,

consider,

discover,

Note: for a more complete list of NLP presuppositions, refer to the works of Bandler and Grinder. These eminent doctors are the founders of the NLP system. Throughout this book, I liberally sprinkled presuppositions to ensure that the statements I made seep into your mind faster. What were actually implied directives,

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appeared to be facts, hence you accepted them without question. Hunt down these little stealth bombers if you can. Observe, now, two rules in deploying presuppositions: Use a presupposition immediately before a command. Everything that follows a presupposition is assumed to be presupposed. That means that the mind will accept them without question. Placing a presupposition after a command dilutes its effect. Use as many presuppositions within a statement and a paragraph as possible. The more presuppositions, the greater the effect and the more influence you generate. Presupposition + Command/Directive = Stealth Command Now that you have the basics, observe how I use presuppositions in the following statements to induce greater agreement. “Already, you will begin to realize the importance of developing your persuasive skills. Only with a well-honed ability to persuade can begin you triumph in your business negotiations.” The statement dropped a load of presuppositions! However, that same command will lose power if you strip off the presuppositions. Observe. “You will see the importance of developing your persuasive skills. The wellhoned ability to persuade lets you triumph in business negotiations.” Here’s another example: “You will immediately realize your life improving after maximizing your persuasive abilities. That sudden awareness allows you to study your skills all the more!!” Strip off the presuppositions and realize, now, how the power disappears in a flash.

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Here’s a powerful example using the presupposition allow. Observe how you can use this simple structure in daily conversation. With allow, you can transform antagonism into cooperation “You know what, Michael, your strong disagreement to my proposal allows you to immediately realize how both of us are better off working together, instead of against each other. Is a gradual awareness of how such cooperation will help us beginning to sink in?” My favourite example: “Now, stop… and begin to realize the wondrous benefits that await you as you gain mastery over people” Didn’t that make you pause and marvel at your growing abilities? Discussing in-depth the power of presuppositions exceed the scope of this book as reams could be written on the subject. For further studies, I urge that you purchase any book by Bandler and Grinder or peruse through Kenrick Cleveland’s Maximum Persuasion 2000 ™.

5.8.3. Inducing Feelings In a Flash

R

ecall that emotions vastly overrule logic in the quest to influence behaviour. Think of yourself as a puppet master pulling the strings connected to a person’s feelings. Pull one string and sad memories seep to the surface. Pull another, and explosive temper ignites like a powder keg. Story telling, as you are readily know by now, allows you the liberty to infuse people with the desired emotion, hence leading to a predetermined behaviour. That behaviour is you desired outcome. (Stop, a moment , and observe all the presuppositions in those previous statements!)

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Storytelling provides the perfect avenue for emotional release, provided you have the time to weave the perfect story. It is potently effective and remains a choice persuasive tool. With storytelling, the main character of your story is a third party. In fact you can even make up a fictional character in a scenario that never existed. Since your prospect is physically detached from the characters and situational context of the story, she finds it very easy to experience the fictional character’s emotions. There are no strings attached, so to speak, so it’s safe to immerse herself in the story. The next time you sit in a sad movie, observe how true this is. Scan the crowd and observe how hundreds of women cry as the hero stumbles into dire misfortune. They readily identify with the emotions the fictional character undergoes. Women normally cry buckets in sympathy. A time would come when you would want the leading character of your story to be your listener. Sometimes, directly involving the persona of your prospect in an emotional tale immediately yields results of a more intense kind. This becomes particularly true when you want your prospect to partake in some high-involvement action, such as buying a house or making love. The process of creating a story with your listener starring the lead role tends to be a tricky. You can’t just say: “Sheila, you are now getting lusty and you feel horny…” nor can you say: “Mr. Smith, you notice how excited you are and how you want to proceed with that merger…? Sheila would slap you and Mr. Smith would walk out your door. Being direct doesn’t work in such situations. In the practice of NLP, we use special words that hint to our listeners that they should enter themselves, search their experiences, and release their feelings. All this should be done as subtly as possible, because once they suspect that there is some form of manipulation involved, your listener would shut you out.

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The special words I refer to are called analogical sweeteners. You would use them in the following structure: Analogical Sweetener + Command + Emotional State description When you use the aforementioned structure, you seem to be delivering an innocent series of interrogatives. The magic then begins; the instant you stop speaking, your listener takes over, and already you would notice a bright spark in her eyes. She would speak with great deliberation, touching her emotions, and the more she speaks, the deeper she experiences ever intensifying emotions. How is this possible? The sweeteners, command verbs and emotional descriptions enshroud her mind in an inescapable veil that elicits an emotional recounting of her history. As she relates a chunk of her history, she reawakens latent emotions tied to her story. In effect, she tells a story and experiences it as though she were going through it all over again. You create your magical interrogatives using the following sweeteners: Imagine what it…

Have you ever…

Consider…

What’s it like when…

When you…

Do you recall…

As…

As you find yourself

If you were to… How does it feel? Your psychiatrist is obviously adept at unleashing these tools on your mind as you sink onto his couch. He would ask you: “Robert, do you recall a time when you felt terribly alone… It was as though the world pretended you didn’t exist… and it was as if you were a ghost…? And each waking hour, you felt miserable and as each minute passed, you felt like you just wanted to vanish from this indifferent earth…?”

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The letters in red are the sweeteners, the words in tan are the command, and the rest are the emotional descriptions. If you were Robert, wouldn’t you begin feeling melancholy as you dredged your experiences? Let’s look at an upbeat example. As a broker, you may wish to induce enthusiasm in someone to purchase a house. You could wisely provoke intense feelings related to a previous successful purchase. “Mrs. Smith, have you ever made an acquisition before and were totally satisfied with it? I mean, you would gloat over it for days, telling yourself that it was such as steal and that you couldn’t have done better?...” When you use the technique, you ask your prospect to tell her story. As she dwells upon the lurid details of the tale, she experiences everything in a flood of emotions; it were as though she were back in time again. This time, it is with you silent, and she, eliciting her emotions for you. In order to effectively leverage this method in a flash, I suggest you follow the succeeding steps: 1. First, identify your objective. Do you want someone to buy something? To fall in love with you? 2. Now, identify the relevant emotions involved. If you want someone to fall for you, the pertinent emotion is that of passion or attraction. 3. Ask your prospect, using Analogical Sweeteners, to recall of a time she experienced such an emotion. Provide assistance by describing the emotional state desired in crisp detail. 4. Fall silent and listen as she recounts the tale in all its naked glory. Provide affirmation as she requires it. 5. Once she finishes her tale, she has reached the necessary emotional saturation. It is at this point you can give your proposal. For instance you could say:

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“I understand now that your previous purchase really satisfied you! First, because you received unprecedented customer support, second, the price lay within your budget, and third, you got a lot of valuable extras with it. What if I now offer you an investment that will get you smiling even wider? As you do business with us, you will enjoy 365 day customer support, a price that even a tight purse could afford, and free extras worth $5000.00 How’s that for value, my friend?” Take care to mention key points that your prospect raised in her story as you mention your proposal. You will create stronger agreement in this manner because both of you would appear to rest upon common ground. Like all the previous techniques, inducing emotion offers flexibility for any situation. You will readily find it an ideal opener for most persuasive effort.

5.8.4. Pacing Your Way to Compliance You are reading this book. You are breathing at this very moment. There are occasional noises. You have your clothes on. You are seated or lying down. You are wondering where the heck this is going… Each of the lines above elicited a small ‘yes’ in your head. You didn’t even stop to analyze any of them because these statements were observably true. Like saying “the sun is round.”, these statements are called truisms. They don’t need further verification. Now, observe the following lines: You would like to sign this contract. The steak is delicious.

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That woman is gorgeous. You will enjoy these benefits. Those four lines pause you in your tracks. Why would you sign that contract; is it beneficial? Maybe that steak isn’t delicious; it’s rare and you like yours well-done. That woman is short, so she she’s just plain. Those benefits are fine… for someone else, but not for you. The difference between the latter four lines and the truisms mentioned at the beginning of this section is that the latter are not observably true. You would need to do some analysis before you agree and say ‘yes’ to each one. Commands, requests and suggestions are never truisms. They offer a choice. You either heed or ignore a command. Your compliance depends on how much you would benefit from following thru. The persuader wants his commands to be executed as often as possible. The negotiator desires his suggestions to be heeded. How can the persuader raise the probability of compliance if commands and suggestions aren’t truisms in the first place? If you can somehow transform a command into a truism that is accepted at face value, how influential you would be! People will follow unquestioningly. Master persuaders discovered a powerful trick. They reduce resistance to commands by blending a series of truisms with a set of commands. By so doing, they blur the distinction between both groups. Observe how easily this is accomplished. “Ladies and gentlemen. We are in this board room today to decide the future of this company. Lunch is now over and we have this issue to resolve. Look across the table, and you see your colleagues. We have been together for years. We have sailed through rough times and wonderful times. Today, it’s a bit different. Today, we decide whether we continue that sailing, or we sell out the company to our competitor. As you know, the offer is sizable…

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$600Million to the entire board. The contract that finally determines what happens rests before you gentlemen. I, as your chairman can only advise. The decision is yours… and since we’ve gone over the matter many times before, perhaps you have this strong solid intuition that signing away our corporation… our baby, is not in our best interests. I foresee strong growth in the future and our earnings will vastly overshadow that $600Million takeover bid. Gentlemen. What say you in light of the situation?” All the statements, from the greeting of “Ladies and gentlemen” to “The decision is yours.”, are truisms. You will readily find them observably true. Each time a truism is uttered, you induce a silent yes reply in the mind. Invoke a series of truisms in a row, and you provoke an avalanche of yes’s. You are in effect, creating a mind-set of passive agreement within your listener. The truisms end at “The decision is yours.” and from there, you insert your commands, beginning with, “and since we’ve gone over the matter many times before, perhaps you have this strong solid intuition that signing away our corporation… our baby, is not in our best interests”. Now, examine how much easier it is to agree with this command, posted at the end of all those truisms? The mind desires consistency. Get it to say yes a dozen times, and it is bound to say yes to everything else. The technique applied by the Chairman is known as pacing and leading. First, you pace by stating the observable reality of your listener. Second, you lead by insinuating your suggestions or commands. Blending the truisms prior to the commands creates a hypnotic effect. Your listeners will find it easy to accept your suggestions as fact. The Chairman will be hard pressed to garner agreement with his board if he simply declared: “Gentlemen, I urge you right now to reject that offer” The board will begin thinking, “Why? Why reject it? $600M is a nice round figure!” Launching a command without the preliminary of truisms robs you of the beneficial shock absorbers that truisms provide. A command standing on its own is shocking and invites rebellion. However, by veiling that command with observable facts, you transform it into a simple statement of fact that is irrefutable!

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For your benefit, I offer you an effective framework to formulating your persuasive speeches: Truism, truism, truism, truism, truism, truism, command Truism, truism, truism, truism, command, command Truism, truism command, command, command Truism, command, command, command, command You craft your truisms with observably true statements. Avoid anything that is subjective in nature. Remember, that we sometimes confuse fact with opinion. For instance, these are truisms We are in a room. The steak is before us. We are seated across each other. Now, observe the subtle distinction with opinions We are in a large room. (If you were used to mansions, the room may appear small!) The steak looks delicious. (What if your listener were devout vegetarian?) We are gazing at each other lovingly. (You may just be wishing of this) Effective use of pacing and leading demands deft skills of observation. First, observe your surroundings. Second, state your observations in a series of irrefutable statements. Finally, link your suggestions to your irrefutable statements. Don’t worry that people will question your bizarre opening truisms of “sitting at a table”, “looking at the contract” and “lunch being over.” They’ll never notice. The human mind will pass over those little details because it will be too busy agreeing to them. Besides, it appears to be small talk. We are all entitled to that! Make your conversation as free flowing as possible and you will be delighted with how easily you can sway others to your side. Can you imagine what power that is?

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5.8.5. Locking People In a Box An exhaustive behavioural study was conducted on children some years back. At the beginning of the school year, one half of the children were secretly told that they had low IQ’s. The other half were told that they had high IQ’s. In actuality, everyone roughly had the same IQ level. Years later into the experiment, scientists analyzed the performance of the test children. The results shocked the analysts. Those told that their IQ’s were low performed poorly. The children lagged behind in academics, sports and extracurriculars. A stark difference in performance surfaced in the group branded as the High IQ’s. These children excelled in their respective fields of endeavours. Many made the honour role and landed positions in the student council. Apparently, how others perceive you determines your behaviour. Our actions are governed by numerous factors. Among these include our self image. If you perceive yourself as a hardworking individual, you will put effort into all your labours. If you imagine yourself a great seducer, you will behave like a charmer of women. A man’s self-image is usually influenced by how society perceives him. You would tend to behave like an upstanding citizen if you hold the reputation as an esteemed pillar of society. Science proved that perceived reputation governs our actions and you, as persuaders, can leverage that fact to your benefit. You can put people in a specific box, so to speak, and have him behave according to the parameters of that box. This technique works well in negotiations. When we enter discussions, we would like the opposite panel to be open-minded to our solutions. You can voice out your respect for the opposing panel’s sense of adventure and propensity for the novel:

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“Thank you for coming to this meeting. I look forward to discussing with you because my colleagues praise you for your incisive thinking and ability to explore new alternatives. It’s rare for me to meet such individuals.” Once the panel is told that it is open-minded, it would strive to live up to that expectation. Human nature dictates consistency. If I am told that I am cool-headed, I would refrain from making violent outbursts because I desire to prove to everyone and to myself that I know how to rein in my emotions! The rule for locking people in a box is as follows. Identify how you would like your listener to behave. Praise her for such behaviour, whether or not it even exists. If she later deviates from the ascribed behaviour, remind her of her alleged reputation, and voice wonder at her erratic behaviour.” Smile, as she behaves the way you desire.

5.8.6. Unearthing Her Secrets You go out to buy a pair of running shoes. Arrayed before you, marches an armada of choices. Shoes of all shapes, sizes and features entice you. You browse through the selection, enjoying your perusal. You touch each shoe, and inhale that “new-shoe” aroma. A salesman approaches and begins a pitch. He tells you how he loves the “Kobe Bryant” models. He enjoys its springiness, it colours and the modern design. He further heaps praises on the shoe being the in-thing among the jet-setters. To you, the shoe looks like a hideous gun boat. And that price turns you off. You wonder how much commission this pushy fellow gets for every gun boat he sells.

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The salesman failed to entice you because he used his reasons in his attempts of persuasion. When you decide on a course of action, you choose based upon your reasons. I myself pick through options founded on my criteria. We hold our own sets of value and criteria. Every action we make must be beneficial to us, so we choose carefully; hence we compare alternatives against our intrinsic set of values. Rarely do we base it on the criteria of others. The exception arises when we tend to lack spine and consult others with every action we make. The most effective means of influencing someone else is to dig up his secret set of values. Armed with his values we readily identify how to tailor our proposal such that it meets those core criteria. Imagine the process as finding the perfect key to open up a specific lock. Your product, your proposal will never appeal to anyone unless it fully satisfies a specific set of criteria. Each person possesses a unique set. It is up to you to discover what those are. Questions provide the easiest tools to pry someone open and discover the criteria hidden within. Once you identify those gems, take them out and blend them into your suggestions. You would instantly become irresistible. Allow me to illustrate using a romantic example: You: I feel it’s a wonderful thing to know you ,and what’s really exciting for me is to discover beyond the superficialities of what your job is, what my job is, etc. That type of small talk doesn’t appeal to me. What I want to know is who you are on a deeper level, to get a grasp on what you believe in, and why… So if I were to ask you, what do you value in a relationship? Pia: Oh… it’s xxx You: I see, I find those important as well. Do you experience that often? Pia: xxyy You: I agree with you. That is enlightening. May I know what else is important in a relationship? Pia: yyyzzz You: Amazing! I feel the same way too…. Maybe we are soulmates… So, is there anything you feel should be an issue in a relationship? Pia: zzzzkkkk You: You truly are a woman after my heart. So of those values which are most important?

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Pia: klklklk You: Pia, I could see that our friendship has gotten of to a marvellous start! From what you tell me, I think it’s because we have this rapport based on ! Pia: You: I’m very glad to have met someone like you. I feel that we can share a lot of good times together. How to Elicit Criteria Effectively Identify the situational context. A person possesses different decision-making criteria for each situation. Hence, it is important to focus your questions on the specific circumstances. Exemplifying, should you desire to discern someone’s decision criteria for buying houses, ask about his particular home acquisition habits. Don’t ask how he chooses vacation spots! Identify at least three primary criteria. Ask your prospect “what is important to you about ______” Demonstrate sincere understanding for each criteria shared. Agree with them. Disagree and you kill rapport. Conclude the session by subtly linking your proposal with that of your listener’s criteria. Emphasize how your prospect will ultimately enjoy agreeing with your proposal.

5.8.7. The War Benefits

Between

Features

and

Day in and day out, you find yourself bombarded with commercials pronouncing the countless features of uncountable products. A razor brags of thirty mindboggling uses. A flashy car is touted to have scores of add-ons and extras. Then there’s that VCD player that

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can even record movies while you’re sitting in the john. Now I ask you, do you even care that your VCD records movies, has an internet capability and could even sing and dance at will? A lot of marketing effort is wasted because managers emphasize the long list of what their products can do. They never gave a thought as to whether those extra features even mattered to the end consumer at all. A product feature is a fact. On the other hand, a benefit is a statement of why having those facts matter to the consumer. Consumers choose products and services based on how they profit from its acquisition. When I go out to purchase a VCD player, I’m perfectly happy that it could play VCD’s. I’m not willing to spend extra simply because a higher model surfs the net and contacts the rental store when I’m overdue. I could use a PC for surfing and I could use less aggravation from angry rental personnel. Now, if a product offers a list of features that provides no tangible benefit over the basic model, we readily choose the basic model. Consumers don’t buy an oven with three hundred functions just to brag to his neighbour. Ovens cook, and that’s what we desire them for. One of the best lessons I learned at MBA school is that marketing is firmly founded upon offering the right set of benefits to the right people. Your product automatically becomes irresistible if the fit a genuine need. This lesson adapts well to negotiation. Whenever you enter conversation, you aim is to encourage others to your point of view. You can use all the techniques in this book to aid you, but if what you suggest does not offer a single tangible benefit, you are doomed. Remember, offer benefits, not features. And you will win.

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