Let Go of Control: How to Learn the Art of Surrender
This is a really valuable lesson for any level. We get caught up in trying to control people, women, their reactions, what they'll think...etc. And then we get upset when things don't turn out the way we want. “If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” ~Proverb I’ve noticed that things go much more smoothly when I give up control— when I allow them to
happen instead of making them happen. Unfortunately, I’m terrible at this. Although I’m much better than I used to be, I’m a bit of a control freak. I often use perfectly
good energy trying to plan, predict, and prevent things that I cannot possibly plan, predict, or prevent. For example, I wonder if my baby is going to get a proper nap when we travel and, if not, just how crabby she might be. I think through her travel and napping patterns, attempting to figure out exactly what we’re up against, as if her sleep is something I can control.
I also think about the weather a lot when when out-of-town guests are visiting. I spend my alreadylimited time planning for every possible weather/mood combination when considering our itinerary. Like most humans I know, I spend a lot of time in business that’s not mine. The baby’s
business, my friends’ business, Mother Nature’s business. As a recovering control freak, there are three things I know for sure about trying to control things: 1. We try to control things because of what we think will happen if we don’t.
In other words, control is rooted in fear. 2. Control is also a result of being attached to a specific outcome—an outcome—an outcome we’re sure is best for us, as if we always know what’s best. When we trust that we’re okay no matter what circumstances come our way, we don’t need to
micro-manage the universe. We let go. And we open ourselves to all sorts of wonderful possibilities that aren’t there when we’re attached to o ne “right” path. 3. The energy of surrender accomplishes much more than the energy of control. I suspect it’s slightly different di fferent for everyone, but here’s what control mode looks and feels like
for me: My vision gets very narrow and focused, my breath is shallow, adrenaline is pumping and my heart rate inc reases. My mind shifts from topic to topic and from past to future very quickly, and I have little concentration, poor memory, and almost no present-moment awareness. In surrender mode, I’m calm, peaceful. Breathing deeply, present in the moment. I see clearly
and my vision extends out around me, allowing me to (literally) see the bigger picture. So the great irony is that attempting to control things actually feels less in control. When I’m micro-managing and obsessing over details, I know I’m in my own way. The Art of Surrender
Surrender literally means to stop fighting. Stop fighting with yourself. Stop fi ghting the universe and the natural flow of things. Stop resisting and pushing against reality. Surrender = Complete acceptance of what is + Faith that all is well, even without my input. It’s not about inaction. It’s about t aking action from that place of surrender energy.
If letting go of control and surrendering not only feel better, but actually produce better results, how do we do that? Sometimes it’s as easy as noticing that you’re in control mode and choosing to let go—
consciously and deliberately shifting into surrender energy. For example, when I become aware that I’m in control mode, I imagine that I’m in a small canoe paddling upstream, against the current. It’s hard. It’s a fight. That’s what control mode
feels like to me. When I choose to let go and surrender, I visualize the boat turning around, me dropping the oars, and floating downstream. I’m being gently pulled, no effort necessary on my part. Simply breathing and saying, “Let go of the oars” is usually enough to get me there. Sometimes it’s a little harder to make the shift from control to surrender. Here are a few
questions that can help: 1. What am I afraid will happen if I let go of control?
When you pinpoint the fear, question its validity. Ask yourself, Is it true? If you’re afraid the night will be ruined if your boyfriend doesn’t remember to pick up eggplant (and you’ve
already reminded him fourteen times), question that assumption. Can you really know the night would be ruined without the eggplant? And if it would be ruined (by your definition, anyway), what’s so bad about that? 2. Find out whose business you’re in.
Your business is the realm of things that you can directly influence. Are you there? Or are you in someone else’s business? When we’re trying to control things outside of our own business, it’s not going to go well. 3. Consider this: Would letting go feel like freedom?
It almost always would. Let that feeling of freedom guide you toward loosening your grip. A Friendly Universe Einstein said, “The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.”
I believe in a friendly universe. Being receptive and allowing things to happen is a skill that can be practiced and improved upon. It helps to believe in a friendly universe —one that is supporting you at every turn so that you don’t have to worry yourself over the details.
We can always choose to do things the easy way or the hard way. We can muscle through, or we can let go of the oars and let the current carry us downstream. There is a peaceful, yet focused energy that accompanies holding the intention of what I want, but not forcing myself to do it. That energy is magic. I’m still a work in progress, but I’m allowing it to become a habit instead of making it a habit.
My experience so far, 350 hours of Letting Go
I was going to wait another 6 months to write this up but since ‘letting go’ has become quite popular because of Julien’s last videos I wanted to share my experience with it and how 350
hours of it has transformed my life so far. A little about my background…
5 years ago I was at my peak. Top girlfriend, great career and future, many friends. I was happy jolly and enjoyed life. While under massive stress resistance kicked in, it was just too good and I felt that I wasn’t worthy of it. Anyways I fucked up badly, and I starting fighting with my girlfriend and broke up with her and spiraled down in negativity until I’d lost my job, lost pretty
much all my friends and fallen out with most colleagues. Pretty much my mum was the only one that I still could talk to even though I just spewed negativity and how everything was so unfair. That drop was kind of harsh and I was dumbfounded to how my life had taken such a turn. I was so filled with rage and hate. I briefly spoke to my girlfriend and I remember that she told me this “I don’t know what has happened to you but when this happens to a person they usually never recover and come back”.
I suppressed and repressed so much emotions that I was numb to positive and negative emotions. I could not have sex, have relationships or keep a job and I rubbed everyone the wrong way. On some level I knew that something was very wrong but I didn’t know what the
hell was going on or how I could fi x it. Anyways I needed to sort myself out so I turned to books and read about 100 in the fir st year and 80 in the next. Yes I was isolated and had no friends anymore so I had the time. I’d have
times when I for example moved to new place where in the beginning my thoughts would go away for a couple of months and I would functio n somewhat normally for the first few months but then my emotions and thoughts returned and I repelled people. One day I came across Byron Katie’s ‘The Work’ and I did about 10 minutes of that each da y
and straight away my brother and his girlfriend said that I was different and easier to get along with. This made me do more and more of her Work. I ended up doing 3-5 hours of it every day. It was amazing, it opened me up to my suppressed emotions and I realized how everything was ‘okay’ behind it all. Things were also changing, at my new job things became better, I
could handle and get along with clients better. I earned more money because of it. I dated again even tho I was still kind of weird. That triggered me to keep it up and this went on for about 3 months. I then wondered why I still had thoughts and negative feelings. And I stopped the practice for a short while even tho looking back I made great progress. Well I didn’t realize how much shit I
actually had down there and that I wasn’t surrendering it in a very efficient way. I went on to read about surrendering and letting go and it took me a few times through that book but then it became easier and easier to let go. I started doing it in the morning, waking up at 4:30 and doing >2 hours before work. Everyday, like going to the gym, pragmatically, following whatever David Hawkins said. He says, do it in the morning, do it before you go to bed. It took him 3.5 years of daily surrendering to get to 600 which is the level of peace. A fantastic level that I’ve
tasted in short intervals. And you might’ve reached it as well. For example after a long night of pick up, while on drugs or after reading one of Eckhart Tolle’s books. It’s short lived but it's so
uber sweet that you pretty much never forget those times, RIGHT? Just a shame that the negativity comes back, right? This is also why we're hooked on pickup. Because we've tasted that freedom and joyfullness after a long night and we keep chasing that feeling, RIGHT? Well this what I’m talking about is the way to be able to live in that state at all times, for that to become your new home. It takes work tho, I’ve personally racked up about 350 hours of
surrendering over the last 9 months. But even just doing a little of this on your worst emotions will make your life a lot easier. Remember that there’s no need to do any of this work, it’s just
very practical and will solve a lot of your percieved problems. For me, its been bloody fantastic. There’s too m uch changes to tell you about and some of
them are too weird to state here. Some physical examples would be... ·
Lost a whole lot of weight and now almost sporting a 6 pack for the first time in my life
without even trying. ·
Job offers and a lot of them
·
Most of the time living in a state of bliss and peace
·
Started going on insta-dates with girls. This has happened a lot lately because I just get
along with girls. There’s so much more and the realizations I’ve had are incredible. I constantly get comments on my eyes. I guess you’ve all seen Tyler’s eyes lately. Look at Byron Katie’s eyes (She
calibrates at 580), they look the same. Those eyes tell of the bliss inside and my eyes and face look similar to that quite often. When you’re like this and you talk to people they see their own
innocence and feel their own child like peacefulness and joy. They become attracted to you in the same way you become attracted to Tyler lol. Because when we look at someone in a high state we can see our own potential. It is a road not many take. But there’s nothing mystical to it. It’s just about transforming all
your negative emotions into positive ones. In The Bagahvad Gita it says that there are 3 ways to enlightenment. Through selfless action, contemplation or knowledge but that all should be used. This is the way of contemplation. And it’s friggin awesome. I could now become a vegetable, don’t do anything and be happy but that’s far from what I want. My life has instead
opened up from being incredibly limited to all kinds of possibilities, I go out, meet people, hang out, I’m going traveling Europe this year, I just bought hotseat -at-home. It might seem petty for someone that has become “enlightened”. It’s not like that. You know how Tyler mentions every now and then how his brain opens up more and more. It’s like that. I’m now free to do whatever I want and it’s easy. And I’m not enlightened, just yet ;) It hasn't always been easy to face all those old feelings of negativity. I’ve shed many tears, sweated and felt like piss in the process. But it’s so definitively been worth it and it’s working
like a charm. People in my surroundings now want me to come and stay with them, my facebook is blowing up and people tell me that “something has happened to you” while they look at me with amazement. But I know that it’s just that I have let go of quite a lot of negativity and they feel great just looking at me. It’s not me, it’s God they are seeing through
me. My plan is to keep doing this everyday, I love it, I want to go to 600. But in the end I don't care, I enjoy the process of it and will just keep doing it and let the cards fall where they may. Remember tho that I had a big incentive to start this. Not many people will have as big of an incentive as they quite happily tick a long where they are. This process hurts, in the beginning it was scary and it felt like I was killing parts of myself. I compare it to pulling annoying growing hairs. You know you will be better without them but it hurts while you’re doing it and that’s why most people won’t do it. Remember tho that it will get easier and you’ll get better at it as you understand that it’s just negativity you’re letting go of. It’s like learning to ride a bike, it
takes time but once you have learned it's easy. If you want to start this process here is what I would recommend…
1.
Read Power vs. Force to get some sort of overview of the levels of consciousness
2.
Read The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. Because you’ll be up agai nst massive inte rnal
resistance and you’ll have to be pragmatic. You do it whether you’re tired, sleepy, or don’t feel
like it will work for you. You just do it. 3.
Read Byron Katie’s “Loving what is” and “I need your love – is that true?” or download her
15 page book for free of her website and get started. 4.
Start doing Byron Katie’s The Work. This will crack your shell open and you’ll get in touch
with your negativity. I think this is the easiest way to get started. 5.
Read Letting Go: The pathway of surrender By David Hawkins. Byron Katie’s third question
is to ‘let go’ but you stay with it till the emotion has run its course.
6.
There’s more good stuff but that should be enough for now.
Eckhart Tolle talks about the pain-body Scientology talks about our reactive mind David Hawkins talks about our negative emotions Byron Katie talks about our confused thoughts and the feelings underneath There’s different practice’s for doing ‘shadow work’ There’s pathwork which Julien recently reviewed
There are more sources but do I need to go on? It’s all the same thing and once you start experiencing this you'll start to understand it all. All the best and good luck.
