Copy of Carlos Palanca Memorial Awards for Literature 1st prize - Dulang May Isang Yugto - 2012
JOE COOL: APLIKANTE
The truth is what was taken was maybe got, as in the heavy pare heavy, mostly labo. – Peksman, – Peksman, Paolo Manalo
Can you repeat that for the second time around once more from the top? – Melanie Marquez Maikling Buod:
Simple lang naman ang gusto ni Joe Cool: trabaho. Ngunit hindi madaling makamit ito lalo na sa Dohesta Corporation pa siya napadpad, at si Miss Lyka Agurela pa ang kanyang interbyuwer. Ano ba ang Dohesta? Ano’ng meron kay Miss Lyka? Sino si Ernesto Karera, CEO?
Matutuklasan na pabaligho nang pabaligho ang lahat: ang gawi at pangangatwiran ni Miss Lyka, ang boss na hindi kailanman lumabas sa kanyang opisina, at ang Dohesta Inc. Walang makatitiyak kung ano ba ang nagpapatakbo sa kumpanya (o kung meron nga ba), o kung sino ang nalamon/nagpapalamon sa “sistema”, at kung sino/ano ang magwawagi.
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Mga Tauhan:
JOE COOL : Jhoenard Jhun Abelar Kulata ang tunay na pangalan. 20 anyos.
MISS LYKA : Maria Lyka Kabayan Agurela ang tunay na pangalan. Nasa 40 anyos. Naka-uniporme, at kakaiba magsalita.
Ang Tanghalan:
Sa isang opisina.
Maliban sa karaniwang muwebles at kagamitan, importante ang mesa at upuan sa entablado. May mga papeles at office supplies, at intercom at makinilya sa ibabaw ng mesa.
Makikita ang nakasarang pintuan ng opisina ng bosing sa likuran.
May malaking kalendaryo kung saan nakatakda ang huling araw ni Miss Lyka.
May upuan para kay Miss Lyka, at isang kinakalawang at gutay-gutay na bangkito para sa aplikante.
Hindi dapat aabot sa 45-minuto ang takbo ng dula.
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Mga Tauhan:
JOE COOL : Jhoenard Jhun Abelar Kulata ang tunay na pangalan. 20 anyos.
MISS LYKA : Maria Lyka Kabayan Agurela ang tunay na pangalan. Nasa 40 anyos. Naka-uniporme, at kakaiba magsalita.
Ang Tanghalan:
Sa isang opisina.
Maliban sa karaniwang muwebles at kagamitan, importante ang mesa at upuan sa entablado. May mga papeles at office supplies, at intercom at makinilya sa ibabaw ng mesa.
Makikita ang nakasarang pintuan ng opisina ng bosing sa likuran.
May malaking kalendaryo kung saan nakatakda ang huling araw ni Miss Lyka.
May upuan para kay Miss Lyka, at isang kinakalawang at gutay-gutay na bangkito para sa aplikante.
Hindi dapat aabot sa 45-minuto ang takbo ng dula.
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[Maririnig lamang ang pagtipa sa kadiliman. Pagbukas ng ilaw, makikitang nakaupo si MISS LYKA at masusi sa pagtipa.]
[Papasok si JOE COOL sa entablado.]
JOE COOL: Magandang umaga. Ako si Joe Cool. Aplikante. Ito po ba ang Dohesta Corporation?
MISS LYKA: I believe you mistake yourself.
JOE COOL: Ano po?
MISS LYKA: It’s not Dohesta Corporation.
JOE COOL: Ganun ba? A, sorry. Thanks!
MISS LYKA: [Iaabot ang form.] Filling the blank this form.
[Hihinto. Kukunin ni JOE COOL ang papel.]
JOE COOL: Fill up ko ‘to?
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MISS LYKA: After you filling the blank, go yourself to room and go the upstaircase. You left, look to a window, turn right, kneel down, crawl underground, turn left again, then right for a while, then left one more time, turn around countering clockwise and turn once more.
JOE COOL: A, sige, sugar cane. Hahanapin ko na lang. Salamat.
[Lalabas si JOE COOL.]
[Biglang mapapatingala si MISS LYKA, takot na takot, animo may narinig. Dahan-dahan siyang lilingon sa pintuan ng boss. Babalik siya sa pagtipa.]
[Papasok ang binata sa ibang bahagi ng entablado.]
JOE COOL: Oops, sorry, my lady. Wrong office.
MISS LYKA: Check… this is check office… not wrong office…
JOE COOL: Pero ikaw din kanina. kanina.
MISS LYKA: Hand to hand hand me your applicating form.
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JOE COOL: [Pinag-iisipan ang sinabi.] Hand to hand [Imumustra.] … A, sa ‘yo ko ibibigay?
[Di sasagot ang babae. Iaabot ng binata ang papel.]
JOE COOL: So, Dohesta nga ito?
MISS LYKA: Dohesta? Please go to door to the above to the submitting of resumi.
JOE COOL: Di kita naiintindihan, beh.
MISS LYKA: Door to the above. This is below. That is above.
JOE COOL: Aakyat ba ako at —
MISS LYKA: Exit yourself. Then, you go up yourself, make a down again, then up again once more, and last but not least, down again to repeat from above.
[Hihinto. Aalis si JOE COOL.]
[Titingala si MISS LYKA. Bakas sa mukha niya ang pangamba. Tititigan niya ang telecom, at pagkatapos ang pinto naman. Biglang kambyo at babalik sa pagtipa.]
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[Babalik kaagad si JOE COOL.]
JOE COOL: Whoa… [Hihinto.] Imposible. Ano’ng floor ‘to? Umakyat ako a.
MISS LYKA: This is my first time with you. Resumi?
JOE COOL: Resume? Dito rin ba ‘yun? Di ba parehong… teka nalilito na ako. So sa ‘yo ko ibibigay ito? [Hihinto.] Anyway, ito po. [Iaabot ang papeles.] Sorry, me gusot. Mahal paprint kaya kinukuha ko lang ulit. Pero kumpleto ‘yan, beh. Name, birthday, address, cell number, email, twitter, facebook, hobbies, favorite songs, my idols like Robin Padilla, and pictures of my beloved mother, my bilibid father, and also my brothers, sisters and friends. Nga pala, pwede bang mag-ayos dito? Baka mawala kewlness ko.
MISS LYKA: Time is golden. Can you go ahead?
JOE COOL: Salamat, beh. [Tutuloy.] D’yahe, mehn. Parang maze dito. Maraming pasikot-sikot. Ang dilim pa sa labas. Nakakalost, yo. [Hihinto.] Beb, turo mo naman kung nasaan ang Dohesta. Baka ma-late me.
MISS LYKA: Get out, you left, walk straight until fire exit, and right, then you look the Jose Rizal inside a frame, right again, again and repeat again your turn right. Now please, exit yourself.
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[Nawiwirduhan ang binata. Dahan-dahan siyang aalis sa opisina.]
[Magugulat si MISS LYKA at pipindutin ang intercom, kahit walang tumunog.]
MISS LYKA: [May pangamba.] Yes, sir? Positive, sir. I will achieve that sir just in time, sir. Yes, sir? Applicating, sir? No appearing, sir. Yes, sir, he’s already one minutes and… forty-five minutes late na… este… I mean… forty -five seconds, sir. What the saying, sir? A… I really swearing, sir. Last week’s report is done, sir. It’s your table. It’s not your table, sir? What, sir? Last now, sir? But, sir. I wait long time. I work hard time — Who, sir? What? No, sir. Not yet, sir! Waiting, sir —waiting! S—
[Sandaling katahimikan.]
[Manginginig ang kanyang mga kamay at kanyang susubukan kontrolin ito. Taranta siyang maghahanap ng papeles. Makikita niya ito. Tutuloy sana siya sa opisina ngunit mapapatigilan. Kakatok.]
MISS LYKA: Hello? Sir? Sir, it’s me, sir. I have the papers here in my hand sir! Can I enter the door, sir? Please, just a split moment? Sir? Siiiiiiir?
[Mag-
aalangan. Padadaanin niya ang papeles sa ibaba.] Sir, I slide it down
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below the door, sir? But can we talking, sir? Another round, sir? I won’t be choosing. I beg in you, sir. Please? Sir? Sir?
[Hihinto.]
[Kukunin niya ang isang signboard na may nakasulat “DOHESTA CORPORATION” at ipapaskil sa pader. Lilingun-lingon siya sa opisina ng boss. Dagliang mawawala ang pangamba at babalik siya sa trabaho, waring walang naganap, at magtitipa.]
[Sa kabilang bahagi ng entablado, papasok si JOE COOL.]
JOE COOL: Magandang umaga. Ako si… [Hihinto.] Now this is whacked! Miss, is that you… again? [Hahanapin ang signboard.] Eh to-its nga ang Dohesta Corporation. Nakapost dito yo. Confused na me. Kanina pa ako naglalakad kung sa’n-sa’n, pero dito at dito pa rin ako napapadpad.
[Sa unang pagkakataon, titingnan ni MISS LYKA si JOE COOL.]
MISS LYKA: Welcome for coming for Dohesta.
JOE COOL: Whazzup! Nagkita na tayo!
MISS LYKA: Are you applicating?
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JOE COOL: Wait a minute kapeng mainit. So, this is the real deal?
MISS LYKA: Are you applicating?
JOE COOL: So dito nga ‘yung interbyu? Sorry po ha. Nalilito pa ako.
MISS LYKA: If you are not applicating, disappear yourself.
JOE COOL: Chill, velvet plum. Gusto ko lang malaman kung ito na nga ‘yung Dohesta. Kanina kasi—
MISS LYKA: Spokening English. It’s the rule of hand. Ar e you applicating?
JOE COOL: Ha? Ako? Applying ba?
MISS LYKA: Applicating.
JOE COOL: A… oo. I’m… applicat—applying. Ako si Joe Cool. And you are?
MISS LYKA: A human being.
JOE COOL: Aaa…whatever you say, miss pretty. Madali lang naman akong kausap.
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MISS LYKA: Why is time not of the elements to you?
JOE COOL: Sorry. Medyo nahihirapan akong intindihin ‘yung—
MISS LYKA: No, I understand completely. You late yourself in expected time of arrival.
JOE COOL: Late? [Hihinto.] Di ako late, beh. I went here nang maaga. Dumating ako rito, binigay ko pa ‘yung requirements sa—
MISS LYKA: I’ve met you just once and that once is now.
JOE COOL: Whoa, mehn. Ibang level.
MISS LYKA: We remember that we are in the presence of Dohesta. I am interviewing, you are applicating. Positive? Now, why will I play tricks if I can kick you out there?
JOE COOL: [Naguguluhan.]
Di
kasi…
Bago
ako…
Nagkita…
Binigay
ko…
Imposibleng— [Mapapaisip.] O marahil you have a kakambal, beh, na nagtratrabaho sa identikal na opisina. Hindi naman ako suminghot ng illegal things kaya imposibleng nagdedeliriyo ako.
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MISS LYKA: The only reason you made the arrival in this portion of Dohesta is if you went the straight processing. Dohesta follow a system of rules and regulating. Always, Dohesta system Dohesta.
JOE COOL: Ano raw? Uh, teka lang ho. Kayo po ba ang mag-iinterbyu sa akin? O kayo ang sekretarya rito?
MISS LYKA: The Secretary of Human Being Reserve is a higher entirely and capable of quieting all the troubles brung by anything harmful to Dohesta Corporation like sleeping on desk, lateness, dancing, eating, having house, good education, good health, complaining, holding placard, grouping together, and all and many things against nation interest. So, no.
JOE COOL: [Medyo tulala.] Uh, sorry. I think my experiencing had —[Mauutal.] —I had an out-of-body experience. Huling interbyu ko na kasi ‘to. Naka ilang opisina na ‘ata ako mula lunes.
MISS LYKA: That’s not my problem anymore. That’s your problem anymore.
JOE COOL: A… sorry. I didn’t mean to—
MISS LYKA: [Mumuwestra sa bangkito.] Please. Chair yourself.
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[Mauupo na sana si JOE COOL, ngunit mapapatigilan siya sa bangkito. Mauupo siya. Halatang hindi mapalagay ang binata sa kanyang inuupuan.]
[Bahagyang lalamlam ang ilaw. Mapapatingin-tingin si JOE COOL sa kapaligiran.]
MISS LYKA: Before starting, would you like to eat mine?
JOE COOL: [Mabibigla sa tanong.] Ano po? A! Inaalok mo ba ako ng pagkain? Well, ngayon na mention mo, medyo hungers na me. Anong chibug meron?
MISS LYKA: Would you like to drink mine?
JOE COOL: A—e, teka, di pa… ‘ge, ‘ge, may ice tea ba kayo? Lemonade? O Coke? Medyo gusto ko ng matamis kasi—
MISS LYKA: Name?
JOE COOL: A, ako ba kukuha? Kahit biskwit lang at tubig.
MISS LYKA: Name?
JOE COOL: Ha? Di ba kakasabi ko lang? Um… di ba nakasulat sa resume—
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MISS LYKA: Resumi.
JOE COOL: Resumi?
MISS LYKA: Resumi.
JOE COOL: Resume.
MISS LYKA: Resumi.
[Hihinto.]
JOE COOL: Re… resumi?
MISS LYKA: [Babasahin.] Joe Cool.
JOE COOL: Tumpak, Miss Delisyoso.
MISS LYKA: What is the kind of name Joe Cool?
JOE COOL: My name? My name is astig. It is kakaiba. It is different from all others. Digz?
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MISS LYKA: I can’t understand the words going out your mouth.
JOE COOL: I mean, it reflects me, ya know? I’m just real, flower face . Dehins ako gamol like other people. And I’m a real guy who needs a real trabaho. Sa hirap ng panahon, bawal alaws arep. I can’t afford to be asleep from early morning to late afternoon. My ermats and kapatids need me. Lalo na ngayon singilan na sa upa. I need to earn moolah, bucks, bread, dough.
MISS LYKA: I don’t care if you need to go to the bakery yourself. If you are not passed, no offering a job.
JOE COOL: Whoa-whoa-whoa, cool ka lang, pretty manika. ‘Lam mo naman medyo… medyo nakakakunot the face ang stress. Lalo na sa ‘yo.
MISS LYKA: To start already, first and foremost: real name?
[Hihinto.]
JOE COOL: Di ba kakatapos lang natin sa portion na ‘to?
MISS LYKA: Please answer the question since it is standard of ruling system.
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JOE COOL: Di ‘ata tayo nagkakaintindihan, magic eyes. There seems to be a sablay in—
MISS LYKA: You are misunderstanding. I am completely understood. Now, the reality name. The birth certification version.
JOE COOL: Joe Cool is my name nga, beh.
MISS LYKA: Hi. Nice the meeting you. I’m Lyka Agurela. And you?
JOE COOL: Dang, girl. It’s so nice to know your tunay na pangalan.
MISS LYKA: And you are, I asked.
JOE COOL: You are? You are what, beh?
MISS LYKA: Your name.
[Sandaling katahimikan.]
JOE COOL: [Nag-aalala.] Miss, naririnig mo ba ako?
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MISS LYKA: My like is Miss Lyka Agurela. Because the correct name is long: Maria Lyka Kabayan Agurela. But Lyka Agurela is faster. Like nickname. Like Joe Cool. What’s yourself?
JOE COOL: Joooeee Coooolllll.
MISS LYKA: Hello, Mr . Joe Cool. I’m Maria Lyka Kabayan Agurela. You can say Miss Lyka Agurela for a breeze.
[Tatayo si MISS LYKA at iaabot ang kanyang kamay. Makikipagkamay na sana si JOE COOL nang mauupo bigla si MISS LYKA at may itatala.]
JOE COOL: Uhh… it’s just great meeting you yourself —este—ahem!—you as well.
MISS LYKA: I’ll check if the papers of yourself are in ordered already. [Kunwa tinitingnan ang mga papeles.] Applicating form, resumi, uh-ha-uh-ha. I can
see the papers are already forwarded for us property.
JOE COOL: Di ba ako pa nagbigay n’yan at ikaw ‘yung tumanggap?
MISS LYKA: These went the system of process, Mr. Cool. Now, we start simple interviewing. It’s proceedings and standards. [Hihinto.] How’s the day of yourself, Mr. Cool?
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JOE COOL: Araw ko ba? Well, buti natanong mo, beh. Grabe, seven pa lang, pinaghahampas na ako ng unan ng ermats ko. She’s a vicious lady, ya know. Gising na daw, sigaw niya, kasi meron pa ‘kong interbyu. Rush to goli ka’gad ako. Jobless kasi ako since last month. Hirap yo. Contr actual na nga lang, ipinagkakait pa.
MISS LYKA: How did you made the discovery of the job?
JOE COOL: How did you made the discovery of… A! Sa diyaro beh. [Maglalabas ng clipping at sisipiin.] Ito: “Wanted: Fresh Graduate. Flexible and Pleasing
Personality.
Apply
now.
Dohesta
Corporation.
Application—este—
Applicating for Someone Who Can Stand… who can stand it.” Who can stand it? Teka, parang kulang. Baka naputol.
MISS LYKA: Was there hardship looking for this office?
JOE COOL: Dito sa inyo ba? Mej. E an g olats naman kasi ng building na ‘to. Nakaka lost, yo.
MISS LYKA: You were angered?
JOE COOL: Napikon? Napika? Nabuwisit? Naburat? Di naman, beh.
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MISS LYKA: Not the littlest even?
JOE COOL: E… siguro. Kasi, beh, sinabihan mo pa ako nasa maling opisin a ako.
MISS LYKA: [May itatala.] Short-tempered.
JOE COOL: Ano?
MISS LYKA: Tell me more about yourself.
JOE COOL: A, about me, beh? Aba, the name speaks for itself. At siyempre plus points mukha ko. Mabait din ako at matulungin sa kapwa. I’m being humble ano, but I consider myself a model Pinoy.
MISS LYKA: [May itatala.] A compulsion liar.
JOE COOL: Ano pong sinabi n’yo?
MISS LYKA: Your studying in Harvardian?
JOE COOL: Ha? Study ba? O, sa Harvardian College. Di ba nakalagay sa resume —
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MISS LYKA: Resumi.
JOE COOL: Resumi. [Hihinto.] Sorry, Miss a. Pero kutob ko resum —
MISS LYKA: Love me.
JOE COOL: [Mabibigla.] Ano?
MISS LYKA: They sell diplomas there, don’t they?
[Hihinto.]
JOE COOL: A… sa Harvardian ba? No, beh. Binibenta lang ang diploma k ung can afford ka. Special program ng admin.
MISS LYKA: Where was your specialty?
JOE COOL: Course? Patalon-talon din. Nung una, HRM, pero nagshift ako sa tourism. Umalis din ako dun kasi napaka-sociable ko na, di ba? Sabi ng ermats ko, computer studies. E alam ko na pa’no magcomputer, ba’t ko pa proproblemahin pagprogram nito? Humantong din ako sa Political Science. Turing mo na lang short courses ‘yung iba, beh.
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MISS LYKA: You mean politicizing science?
JOE COOL: Dehins. Political… pero parang naaalala ko ‘yun nga ‘yung tawag.
MISS LYKA: Did you enjoy college?
JOE COOL: Oh it was the bomb, girl! Nag-college ka naman, di ba? Alam mo naman mas masaya ang “extra-curricular” kesa acads.
MISS LYKA: Uh-huh… [May itatala.] Moron.
JOE COOL: May sinabi ka ba, beh?
MISS LYKA: Then you always cut the class and disobediencing the professors and the ruling of the administration?
JOE COOL: Admin? Naku, honey lips, di kami naniniwala d’yan. Daming patakaran, rules, and all that jebak, mehn. Porke’t old school si la dapat din ba Spanish times ayos ko? Hell no.
MISS LYKA: How can you say such? There is always a higher who we make following.
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JOE COOL: Eh bulok naman eskwelahan namin. Biro mo, sa political —este— politicizing science, pinakopya sa amin buong libro ni Zaide. Whazzup with that? Basta tinapos ko na. Gastos din ‘yun.
MISS LYKA: This means nothing was learned.
JOE COOL: It doesn’t mean kung bulok eskwelahan ko, bulok tuktok ko.
MISS LYKA: It seems you are unaware of the bad of rebelling the authoritorial, against the system that drives everything to working and give a diploma.
JOE COOL: Di kita nagegets, shiny legs. Ano ‘tong system? Wala naman, di ba? Mga tao lang naman sila. Binuo lang naman ‘yan ng mga taong kagaya natin, riiiight?
MISS LYKA: My ears are unbelievable! [May itatala.] Has the ability of insupportination.
JOE COOL: I didn’t catch that, beh.
MISS LYKA: What are the hopes and dreams? How do you see yourself ten years forward?
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JOE COOL: Dreams ba? Aba, isa lang ang dream ko sa buhay: maging sikat na artista.
MISS LYKA: Okay… [May itatala.] No life direction.
JOE COOL: Excuse me?
MISS LYKA: Why? Where are you going?
JOE COOL: Oy, seryoso ako ha. May alam ka ba sa mundo ng showbiz? Sina John Lloyd, Dingdong? Ang Bad Boy?
MISS LYKA: Many people see the grass as greener over the rainbow. But where are they? They’re selling flesh. Perhaps salvaged. Now, Mr. Cool, if you really want to become a star, why be here?
JOE COOL: Ano’ng sinasabi mo tungkol sa pangarap ko?
MISS LYKA: Let’s go ahead. Let us reevalution.
JOE COOL: Ano’ng reevalution?
MISS LYKA: If that’s the dream choosing by yours, why not be it?
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JOE COOL: Kasi naman beh, nag-aaral ako nun.
MISS LYKA: Why the study?
JOE COOL: Para makaapply ako, beh.
MISS LYKA: Why the applicating?
JOE COOL: Para magkatrabaho, beh.
MISS LYKA: Why the need of job?
JOE COOL: Para magkapera.
MISS LYKA: Why the need of money?
JOE COOL: Para may pangkain, bayad upa, and —
MISS LYKA: Why the need of things of yourself.
JOE COOL: Para… para mabuhay.
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MISS LYKA: Why the need to live?
JOE COOL: Para ano… because… dahil magiging artista ako!
MISS LYKA: Why be here?
JOE COOL: Para… para… magkatrabaho?
MISS LYKA: Why the need of job?
JOE COOL: Para… para… magkapera?
MISS LYKA: Why the need of money?
JOE COOL: Para… para… mabuhay?
MISS LYKA: Why the need to live?
JOE COOL: Para magtrabaho.
MISS LYKA: Why the need of job?
JOE COOL: Para mabuhay.
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MISS LYKA: Why the need to live?
JOE COOL: Para magtrabaho… para mabuhay… para magtrabaho… para…
[Katahimikan.]
MISS LYKA: There we are.
JOE COOL: Alam mo, kanina ka pa nagsasalita nang ganyan, pati utak ko nagnonosebleed.
MISS LYKA: See. You even think there’s a nose in the brain. That’s because you spokening Filipino since time immoral. You know, the world can be the oyster at your hand and will become a pearl. We can provide so many oyster. We can be a pearl. We can be a oyster too. As long as you follow the standards and rules of regulating. Is there agreement?
JOE COOL: Whut?
MISS LYKA: You have many job experiencing?
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JOE COOL: Ha? A… marami. [Hihinto.] Mga naka-walong trabaho na ako. Halos six months nga lang lahat, kaya patalon-talon.
MISS LYKA: How is this job experiencing be able to contribute to Dohesta?
JOE COOL: [Hirap sumagot. Pawisan.] Contribute? Uh… dahil marami naman akong experience, beh, ano. Um… ibig sabihin mabilis din… uh… kasi— Nabasa mo na ba ‘yung cover letter ko? [Tititigan lang siya ni MISS LYKA. Natataranta.] I guess, ano. I have endless possibilities naman, ano? Um,
ano—I’m good at anything at all. The everything I do. Lahat ng ipapagawa mo sa ‘kin, gagawin ko. Pag-aaralan ko. Matiyaga ako. Hard in working — [Utal.] —hard on work—[Utal.] —hardworker. Kayang kong mag-adjust —
MISS LYKA: Will you be willing to work only six months?
JOE COOL: Yes! Okay ako dun basta magkatrabaho lang!
MISS LYKA: No uping in salary? No promoting? No benefits? No love?
JOE COOL: Di ko kailangan ng Pag-ibig o Health Benefits!
MISS LYKA: Love me!
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JOE COOL: YE-Ano?
[Katahimikan.]
JOE COOL: Beh, no offending —offense—offending ha, pero may ibang personnel ba akong pwedeng makausap?
MISS LYKA: [Inis.] I am the only one in authoritorial. You should be honored I even let you step in the office of a big, powerful, energetic corporation of the country.
JOE COOL: [Mapapatingin sa kapaligiran.] Alam mo kasi, mukhang nag-iisa ka lang dito e. Kaya siguro medyo may sayad — Ang ibig kong sabihin, beh, kahit obviously di ka na bagets, at mukhang wala ka ring jowa, ‘wag ka namang mawalan ng pag-asa. Ng buhay.
MISS LYKA: There is still life running in my bones. And you have no right to know what is and what is not. I work to a corporation of long ago and historic landmark.
JOE COOL: Naks. Hanep naman ‘tong kumpanya n’yo, ano? Kayo ba nagsusupply ng bigas o nagkokontrol sa presyo ng langis? May-ari ng Meralco? A!
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Namamahala sa lahat ng mall! Pero di ba dapat sandamukal na empleyado ang nagtratrabaho rito?
MISS LYKA: Are you joking my leg?
JOE COOL: Di ko naman iismolin ‘tong kumpanya mo, beh. Nagtatanon g lang. Minsan kasi nakakaburat walang kausap. Hindi ba, candy hands?
MISS LYKA: You will be spokening to me and no more.
JOE COOL: Ganun ba? [Babaling sa opisina ng boss at lalapitan ito.] Opisina ba ‘yan ng namamahala dito, beh?
MISS LYKA: [Taranta.] Chair yourself.
JOE COOL: Ernesto Kerera. C-E-O. Whoa, pare, naglelevel-up.
MISS LYKA: [Galit ngunit may bahid ng takot.] Stepping away the door right this immediately!
JOE COOL: Whoa! Chill. You’re so tense, beh.
[Dadampi ang kamay kay MISS LYKA.]
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MISS LYKA: Don’t touch me not!
JOE COOL: Oy, wala akong gagawing masama. At mas lalong wala akong binabalak, ano!
MISS LYKA: The thickness of your face!
JOE COOL: Whoa. Di ko naman alam napaka-sensitive mo pala, caramel face. Lalayo na ako sa opisina.
MISS LYKA: Do what I tell for I am not in the mood to enjoy myself, Mr. Cool. I tell you, I can do far more worst.
JOE COOL: Look. I sorrying —I’m sorry. Gagawin ko lahat ng gusto mo.
MISS LYKA: Split!
JOE COOL: Ha?
MISS LYKA: [Imumuwestra sa daliri.] Split.
JOE COOL: Mehn, ganito lang ako manamit. Wala akong alam sa street dance.
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MISS LYKA: [May itatala.] Not flexible around work area.
JOE COOL: Teka, teka… can you wait yourself— for a while—
MISS LYKA: I will not be waiting myself, Mr. Cool! You have been testing my patience long ago when it is I who should be testing you!
JOE COOL: Ba’t ka naman biglang galit? I don’t meaning to offending—
MISS LYKA: Would you say you always disrespecting the people you see?
JOE COOL: Ha? Hindi. Teka, gusto mo ba akong magsplit?
MISS LYKA: Do you always lie all the time?
JOE COOL: Ha? No, ma’am.
MISS LYKA: Guilty?
JOE COOL: Hindi!
MISS LYKA: Did the truth hurts?
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JOE COOL: I telling you—
MISS LYKA: Do you have girlfriend?
JOE COOL: Hindi— Ano?
MISS LYKA: Answer when I questioning.
JOE COOL: Ano pong relevance ng tanong na ‘yan?
MISS LYKA: ANSWER!
JOE COOL: None!
MISS LYKA: And why is the matter?
JOE COOL: I can’t afford, beh, este Miss Lyka.
MISS LYKA: Maybe you are disrespecting towards woman.
JOE COOL: No! I kind respecting all around the woman.
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MISS LYKA: When did you lose the virginity?
JOE COOL: Legal pong tanong ‘yan?
MISS LYKA: No one is warrant of arrest here.
JOE COOL: I think the ethical of this—I think ethical—I—
MISS LYKA: Are you virginity?
JOE COOL: Oy—
MISS LYKA: Probable you still not been under circumcision?
JOE COOL: Paumanhin po, Miss Lyka, but I will not dignify that question with an answer.
MISS LYKA: That’s all right. I don’t need the dignity. I only need the answ er.
JOE COOL: Di ako kumportable —
MISS LYKA: Are you shameful? Or maybe you’re just… uncircumcision.
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JOE COOL: Tuli na manoy ko!
MISS LYKA: Then why are you still virginity?
JOE COOL: Di ko sinabi virginity pa ako! Sandamakmak —
MISS LYKA: Then who was the first you inject the peneyney to the vajayjay.
JOE COOL: Matagal na—
MISS LYKA: It is impossible to a man to forget the first woman he injected! How was the look?
JOE COOL: Beautiful.
MISS LYKA: The vajayjay, not the person.
JOE COOL: It was… it was… like sampaguita!
MISS LYKA: Liar!
JOE COOL: Hindi ako nagsisinungaling!
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MISS LYKA: Vajayjays do not look like sampaguitas unless they do improperty hygiene without PH Care and live liberal lifestyle. You are virginity.
JOE COOL: Hindi ako—
MISS LYKA: Liiiaaarrr.
JOE COOL: Bakit ka ganyan?
MISS LYKA: I’m just making sure you say true for curious makes me want to cat.
JOE COOL: Come again?
MISS LYKA: Come? Mr. Cool, are you trying to seducing me?
JOE COOL: [Takot na takot.] Nooooo, ma’am. Nooooo!
MISS LYKA: I just notice you calling me candies and sweet things. And I am thinking: are you trying to make impression? Ha, virginity?
JOE COOL: Wala akong gustong sabihin sa ‘yo, ma’am.
MISS LYKA: But I feel that our feelings are actual.
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JOE COOL: Actual? Actually what, ma’am?
MISS LYKA: Stop the foolishing around. I know the feelings and cravings of yourself.
JOE COOL: Gutom! Gutom nararamdaman ko. At ne-ne-ne- nerbyos…
MISS LYKA: How old are you once again? It says twenty. Hmm, fresh. Fresh graduate. How about pleasing personality? Have you the ability to pleasing me?
JOE COOL: Miss Lyka, this is sexual harass —
MISS LYKA: Consider this your medication exam. [Hihinto.] Mr. Cool… do you like… to see… how it feels… to be… a none virginity?
[Hahalayin si JOE COOL.]
JOE COOL: [Babalikwas.] Putanginangpakshitmagpapakamataynalangakokesamagpakantotsayo!
[Tatakpan ni JOE COOL ang kanyang bibig. Sandaling katahimikan]
MISS LYKA: [Masasaktan.] Why? Is my body wrong?
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JOE COOL: [Biglang kambyo.] So tanggap na ako? Kasi nagmedical na?
MISS LYKA: I knew. You disrespecting me.
JOE COOL: Dehins ‘yun ang point. Hahawak— nilamas—rere—
MISS LYKA: What do you think of you? You know we can arrested you? Pile criminalities until you are dead? Remember who you’re talking at!
JOE COOL: Rereypin mo ako e!
MISS LYKA: How dare you accusation me? [May hahanapin na papeles.] I knew it all along the day. Lying… you lying nonsense!
[May ipapakita na papeles kay JOE COOL.]
MISS LYKA: Jhoenard Jhun Abelar Kulata. An uglified name for an uglified person.
JOE COOL: Birth Certificate? Paano mo… sa’n…
MISS LYKA: Don’t try analysing because it won’t effect.
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[Sandaling katahimikan.]
JOE COOL: [Tatayo.] Joe Cool pangalan ko and you believing better than that —you believing that better —you better believing! Hindi ‘yang olats na Jhoenard Jhun na ‘yan. Di na ‘to— di ‘yan pangalan ko. Di ko alam kung ano’ng intensyon mo. Ang alam ko lang, di ko trip gawain mo.
MISS LYKA: Really now? What is your prisoner father’s full nam e? Your mother and sibils?
JOE COOL: Ano’ng pakialam mo sa kanila?
MISS LYKA: It is not Kulata their last names, Mr. Jhoenard Jhun?
JOE COOL: Ako nga si Joe Cool! Matagal na akong Joe Cool.
MISS LYKA: Admit it! This evidence is haaaaaard!
JOE COOL: Ano ba’ng probelma mo? Masama bang maging Joe Cool pangalan ko? [Halos sa sarili.] My name is astig. It is kakaiba. It is differe —it speaks—it
astig—it difference speaking from it—
MISS LYKA: Why do you keep being insistent? Is the name amazing and magnificant?
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JOE COOL: Sarcastic ka ba?
MISS LYKA: No, I’m being irony!
[Tutungo si JOE COOL palabas.]
MISS LYKA: You know, Mr. Jhoenard Jhun, I laugh. Because even if the truth is all around, you are still a denial. You’re some kind of a stupid, you know? How pathetic, really. Mr. Jhoenard Jhun! How loseeeer!
JOE COOL: Joe Cool sabi!
[Susugurin ni JOE COOL si MISS LYKA.]
[Susundutin ni MISS LYKA ng electric rod ang binata at mangingisay-ngisay siya. Kung maaari, pati ilaw ng entablado ay namamatay-matay rin.]
MISS LYKA: Did you think you can overcoming me? Just do and say whatever to the Dohesta Corporation? I’ve been working here foremost, Mr. Jhoenard Jhun, and may I remind, you are the one crawling to us. And you come thinking you’re some kind of a pers on, as if you have the thing. We have a
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system and a requirement to follow. If you cannot do it, starve and rot squatting!
[Mapuputol ang daloy ng kuryente.]
JOE COOL: [Sinusubukan sumigaw.] Tulong… tulong… papatayin niya ako… sak… lolo…
MISS LYKA: Chair yourself, Mr. Kulata.
[Gumagapang si JOE COOL palabas.]
MISS LYKA: Pussy can stay but you can not go away. [Hihinto.] If you do not return to seating position, I will electrifying you again.
[Ikukuryente siya muli.]
MISS LYKA: I… said… chair… your… self…
[Maiihi si JOE COOL. Mapuputol ang daloy ng kuryente.]
MISS LYKA: Now look what you yourself did. You are all wet! You scoring an under performance at the enduring test.
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JOE COOL: [Nakahandusay.] Please… tama na… ayoko… parang awa… mo… awa… mo…
MISS LYKA: We can continuation by chairing yourself, clear?
[Hihinto. Kakaladkarin si JOE COOL at pauupuin.]
MISS LYKA: A few more things and possibility the job, okay?
JOE COOL: Tu… tu… tu… big… tu… tu… big…
MISS LYKA: [Hahawakan ang panga ng binata.] Sing at me. It’s measuring your status at time of stress. Stressful effects the work producing, you know.
JOE COOL: A-a-a-a…
MISS LYKA: No, no. I like pearly oysters. Sing me pearly oysters.
JOE COOL: [Naiiyak.] P-p-pearly… pearly oysters… from…
MISS LYKA: Down!
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JOE COOL: Down... ocean… shining…
MISS LYKA: Shiny!
JOE COOL: Shiny… the sun… shower the shore… what… seeing… heart… say… love you… more then… all… tiny pretty… o -o-o-oysters…
MISS LYKA: Good! Now, imporant essay question to measuring brain capacity and problem solutions. Ready? All right. It is Monday. You are driving a car in a very rainy day. You pass a bus stop. Three people are sitting the bench without umbrella or roof. They are wet. One person is the bestest friend of yourself. The other is a old man who is dying sooner than later. The last person is the love of your life. The problem is the car is good for two only since your car is short. What are you doing? Who are you helping?
JOE COOL: I know… knowing… Ibibigay ko… ko ang susi ng kotse… sa best friend ko. Siya magmama…maneho para ihatid ang matanda sa… sa ospital. ‘Pos ako… mai… iwan kasama ang love… of my life… sa bus stop… sa i…ilalim ng… habang... umuulan... pina… pina… basa… ‘to… ng… e… ermats… ko… sa… Rea… Reader’s… Di… Die… Die…
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MISS LYKA: Wrong, Mr. Kulata! Oh my god wrong! You help no one. You don’t even stop to look for listen. You go ahead because you need to work at Dohesta. It is Monday, remember?
JOE COOL: [Umiiyak.] Ayoko na. Kahit ano… di sapat. Di dapat ganito!
MISS LYKA: What to expect, Jhoenard Jhun? This is processing.
JOE COOL: Pakawalan mo na ako.
MISS LYKA: We are not done until I am done on you.
JOE COOL: Putang ina… Sabi ko na…
MISS LYKA: Yes! You are seeing the clearance now.
JOE COOL: Isa itong scam! [Hihinto.] Pinaghihinalaan ko na. Kaduda-duda ang opisina. Kaduda-duda ang set-up. Kaduda-duda ka! Hindi ako bobo, beh. I am street smarts. Sa tingin mo maloloko mo lang ako nang gano’n -gano’n lang? My ermats raised me right!
MISS LYKA: I’m fooling you? I laugh again. It is you who is fooling!
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JOE COOL: Alam ko ang raket n’yo rito. Expo—exto—exportion! Planado ang lahat. Ooffer-an n’yo ako ng trabaho sa abroad, ‘pos japeyks lahat. O baka papatulugin ako at kukunin organs ko. I’ve seen horror movies, yo!
MISS LYKA: Where do you collect these imaginings? Sir Ernesto Karera, C-E-O, did not make this company in your manner. He is a respecting man. This is a respecting company.
JOE COOL: Puta may tao ba d’yan? ‘Wag mo akong lokohin! Peke ‘tong lahat! S inetup ako!
MISS LYKA: What is that talking out of your mouth? Everything is been setted up alright. The boss is working all hours. He cannot disturbed anytime, anywhere.
JOE COOL: Singunaling. Putang ina, papatayin mo na ako! SAKLOLO!!!
MISS LYKA: [Susugurin ang binata.] I won’t killing you! Dohesta never get killing people. Dohesta hires like peanuts because killing people cannot working!
JOE COOL: Diyos ko, parang awa mo na. Alam ko na. Di na ako makakatakas. Ano gagawin—
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MISS LYKA: No. You misunderstood all. Mr. Karera, you understand, will not let you exit yourself until you have it with us.
JOE COOL: Karera? Sino ba si Karera? [Lilingon sa opisina ng boss.] Nandyan ba sila?
MISS LYKA: The who?
JOE COOL: Hidden cam, mga manonood, mga gugulpi sa akin, mga papatay sa akin o kung ano pang shit. Sige na! Ipakita mo na!
MISS LYKA: What are you speaking about? We are having interviewing.
JOE COOL: Sino si Karera?
MISS LYKA: [Matitigilan. Mapapaisip.] How can I say? That is questionings that should not be questioned. It is none of the above of our business. It is not our need to knowing.
JOE COOL: Anong di mo alam? Pero sabi mo boss mo siya.
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MISS LYKA: Karera is Karera. The boss. No one should know him. I will not know. No one can look him. He has been here forevermore, and he is unquestionable. This is unquestionable.
JOE COOL: Sabi ko na. Di siya totoo! Ano’ng gagawin mo sa akin?!
MISS LYKA: He is reality! He is there!
[Sandaling katahimikan. Mapapaisip si JOE COOL. Hirap ang binata tumayo.]
MISS LYKA: Where are you thinking— Sit down or I will zap you again in upper level.
[Babalikwas si JOE COOL, hahantong sa may pintuan, at kakalampagin ang pinto.]
JOE COOL: Hoy, lumabas na kayo d’yan!
MISS LYKA: [Nanginginig sa takot.] Oh my god! Mr. Karera will angered!
[Susundutin sana ni MISS LYKA ng electric rod si JOE COOL, ngunit titilapon ito sa sahig.]
JOE COOL: [Sinisipa ang pinto.] Mga chong! Mga putang ina n’yo! Lumabas kayo! Waiting na me!
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MISS LYKA: [Subok paandarin muli ang sandata.] You stepping away from the door right this moment or I will electrify you so hard it is not just urine that will expulsion but somethings else and it’s color brooooowwwwwnnnnn!
JOE COOL: Sabihin mo sa akin! Sino si Karera? Ano ang Dohesta? Sino ka???
MISS LYKA: We-wait. I-I-I-I-I have no me. I have no — I know nothing for Karera.
JOE COOL: [Sa paligid.] Hoy! Puwede na kayong pumasok. Ayoko ko nang maglaro. Lumabas ka na kung sino ka man! Putang ina, magpakita ka! Kunin n’yo na ako!
MISS LYKA: STOP IT NOW!!!
[Susundutin ng electric rod ang binata. Sisigaw si JOE COOL, ngunit malalaman din niyang wala na pala itong bisa. Tawang-tawa ang binata.]
MISS LYKA: I will not do you this to me! You not make a mockering of system!
JOE COOL: Anong system pinagsasabi mo? Girl, I dunno understand whacha sayin’! Sino ba ‘tong sistema? Wala akong nakikita. Sa ngayon, sa nakikita ko, ikaw at ako ang nandito. Kung meron pang iba, magpakita na kayo!
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MISS LYKA: [Nanginginig.] This is truth. It is not lying. It is what it is and never! It is truth! It is…
JOE COOL: Bakit mo ba pinipilit ang kaabnoyan mo sa — [Makikita si MISS LYKA. Pagkatapos, matatawa.] Oh dang, girl! Naniniwala ka ba talaga sa mga
sinasabi mo? This is some fucking shit! Sira-ulo ka talaga. Sigurado na ako. Ako nauto, pero ikaw nagpapauto. Baliw ka! Saklolo, may baliw!
MISS LYKA: Animal you! I can’t you have tricks playing in head. I believe can’t let convincing me! I… I…
JOE COOL: I? I? I ano? Ha? Sino ka? Sino ka dito? Wala ka puta ka! Sira ka! Wala ka!
MISS LYKA: You… is… the… my… insult… why… how… dare… is… you… are… am… I… think… me… stupid… are… is… they… no… can’t… you… this… are… prestigious… company… of… ours… mine… else… or… in… on… at… it… you… son… of… questioning… me… like… is… that… you… you… you… I… I… I… p-p-p-p-p… [Mapapangiwi mukha niya, mukhang
sasabog,
at
PUUUUUUUUUKEEEEEEEEEE!
[Katahimikan.]
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tila
mag-iibang
anyo.]
JOE COOL: Beh?
MISS LYKA: [Dire-diretso.] Sa tingin mo di ako nabuburat tuwing napapanood ko si Juday sa T.V. at inisip na, oo, dapat ako ang naging Mara sa Mara Clara? Esperanza. Krystala. Sakal, Sakali, Saklolo! Sa tingin mo ba di umasa magulang ko na maging tanyag na doktora o abogada o magpakasal sa may datung? Pinangarap ko rin ‘yon! Pero binaon ko lahat sa lupa dahil alam kong matutulog na lang ako sa karton sa ilalim ng tulay. Kaya ako nagtiis, nagtiyaga. Nagsikap mag-spokening English. Sa tingin mo ba ito ang inasam-asam ko nung umaasa pa akong maging masaya sa buhay ko? Hindi, pare, hindi! Pero tiniis ko bawat segundo dahil kailangan kong kumain! At hindi ko na napapansin ang paglipas ng panahon dahil ito na naging buhay ko. At maayos na lahat. Dahil sanay na ako! Kuntento na ako! At ngayon manghihimasok ka para sirain lahat? Pakshit ka! Dito ako maninilbihan at hinding-hindi ako papayag na isang binatilyong skuwating na kupal ang dadaig sa akin! Tandaan mo ‘yan ‘lang’yang gago ka! Tandaan mo ‘yan puke ng ina mo!
[Katahimikan.]
JOE COOL: Damn, girl.
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[Sandaling katahimikan.]
MISS LYKA: Umalis ka na.
[Sandaling katahimikan.]
JOE COOL: No.
[Hihinto.]
MISS LYKA: Ano?
JOE COOL: Miss Icing Lips, hindi ako aalis dito hangga’t di mo ‘ko binibigyan ng trabaho.
MISS LYKA: Gago ka pala eh. Sino ka para magsalita nang ganyan?
JOE COOL: Honey thighs, pagkatapos ng lahat, putang ina naihi pa ako, papaalisin mo ako nang ganyan-ganyan? Ginawa ko ang lahat. Qualification to-its and knowing I.
MISS LYKA: Ano ka, interbyuwer? Tapos na ang pagsusuri! Di ka tanggap sa Dohesta.
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JOE COOL: Who’s asking the opinion of yourself?
MISS LYKA: Anak ka ng—sumusobra ka nang kumag ka! Kala mo kung sino umasta. Alam mo, ‘yan talagang mga katulad mo ang salot sa bansa. Kinokolekta dapat kayo at sinisilaban!
JOE COOL: Pakyu, Lyka Agurela! Ikaw dapat ipakulong. Kapalmuks! Chimay ka lang dito.
MISS LYKA: Hindi ako chimay, tumbong ka! Umalis ka na ngayon din kundi…
JOE COOL: Kundi ano?
[Mapapatingin si MISS LYKA sa opisina.]
JOE COOL: Kundi you will telling the boss of yourself? ‘Ge! ‘Ge! Gusto ko makita ‘yun. Palabasin mo! Aalis lang ako rito kapag nakausap mo na ang boss mo!
MISS LYKA: Binabalaan mo ba ako?
[Hihinto. Itutulak ng binata si MISS LYKA. Mahuhulog siya kasama ang mga papeles.]
MISS LYKA: Ang mga papeles!
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JOE COOL: Hello, sir? It’s me. The applicating. Joe Co— Jhoenard Jhun Abelar Kulata! I want to talking to you —
MISS LYKA: Wala ka bang respeto sa mga babae?
JOE COOL: I should like us to talking personality about the job offering.
MISS LYKA: Tarantado! Lumayo ka d’yan!
JOE COOL: I will showing personality the resumi because I think the hiring of Agurela is under qualification.
MISS LYKA: [Naghahanap ng sandata.] Walang hiya!
JOE COOL: She’s abusating her power. She’s abusating me!
MISS LYKA: [Nakaambang hahagisan ng makinilya.] Lumayo ka diyan ‘lang ‘yang libag ka!
JOE COOL: Mr. Karera! Mr. Karera! I recommendation the setting of fire to Lyka Agurela.
SET-TING-OF-FI-RE-TO-LY-KA-A-GU-RE-LA-MISSS-TER-
KAAA-REEE-RAAA…
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MISS LYKA: [Di mabuhat ang makinilya. Biglang kambyo.] Parang awa mo na. Gagawin ko ang lahat basta’t umali s ka na rito.
JOE COOL: I will enter, may I? Mr. Karera? I will enter, may I?
MISS LYKA: Gusto mo referral? Bigyan kita ng mga kumpanya. Kukunin ka sigurado!
JOE COOL: Sir? I need us to talking, sir! Let me into there. I need to face to face you!
MISS LYKA: Umalis ka na sabi!
[Susugurin ni MISS LYKA si JOE COOL.]
[Biglang bubukas ang pinto at mahuhulog paloob si JOE COOL. Babago ang ilaw. Sasara ang pinto.]
[Sandaling katahimikan.]
[Maiiyak si MISS LYKA. Pagkalipas ng ilang sandali, magsisimula siyang magligpit.]
MISS LYKA: [Pinipigilan ang pag-iyak.] Alam ko kung di na ako kinakailangan. Di ako manhid. Harap-harapan. Bastusan kung bastusan. Wala man lang ni
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konting konsiderasyon sa damdamin ng tao. Hindi ako robot, puta ka! Binuhos ko lahat at itataboy mo ako nang ganyan? Ako ang nagpatakbo dito! Magpakita ka! Tae ka! Bawat galaw ko naayon sa sistema niyo! Matanong ko, sa’n ba ako nagkamali?
[Hihinto.]
[Sa unang pagkakataon, tutunog ang intercom.]
[Magugulat at lubos ang kanyang takot dahil sa unang pagkakataon, tumunog ito. Mabibitawan niya ang kanyang mga kagamitan at mapapaatras sa isang sulok.]
[Pagkalipas ng ilang sandali, susugurin niya ang intercom at ibabato ito sa pinto.]
MISS LYKA: Ano akala n’yo? Magmamakaawa ako sa harap n’yo? Ipapahiya sarili ko? D’yan kayo nagkakamali, mga buwaka ng ina n’yo! May dignidad pa ako!
[Sandaling katahimikan.]
MISS LYKA: Natuto na ako. Hinding-hindi na ako magpapauto. [Hihinto.] Goodbye. Don’t let the bed bugs bite.
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