Interpersonal Communication Skills

Study Unit

Interpersonal Communication Skills By Tamra Orr

About the Author Tamra Orr is a full-time educational educational author in the Pacific Northwest. She has written more than 200 nonfiction books as well as multiple ground and online courses in many subjects. She also has acquired years of experience behind a customer service desk. Tamra T amra has a degree in education/English and has taught in multiple settings.

In any office, you’ll meet and interact with a variety of people every single day. It’s important for you to be aware that many of these people will most likely be quite different from you in some ways; it’s also important that you take these differences into account when you communicate with them. This study unit is designed to help you develop successful, rewarding, and professional relationships with all of those you interact with in the workplace. workplace. Understanding Understanding and appreciating cultural, gender, ethnic, and personality differences will help you grow both in your personal relationships and your career. One fact you’ll explore in this unit is that your interactions

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About the Author Tamra Orr is a full-time educational educational author in the Pacific Northwest. She has written more than 200 nonfiction books as well as multiple ground and online courses in many subjects. She also has acquired years of experience behind a customer service desk. Tamra T amra has a degree in education/English and has taught in multiple settings.

In any office, you’ll meet and interact with a variety of people every single day. It’s important for you to be aware that many of these people will most likely be quite different from you in some ways; it’s also important that you take these differences into account when you communicate with them. This study unit is designed to help you develop successful, rewarding, and professional relationships with all of those you interact with in the workplace. workplace. Understanding Understanding and appreciating cultural, gender, ethnic, and personality differences will help you grow both in your personal relationships and your career. One fact you’ll explore in this unit is that your interactions with others are never limited to words. The old saying “Actions speak louder than words” contains a lot of truth. In interpersonal relations, your body language, or nonverbal communication, is often as important—if not more important— than verbal communication. In fact, according to some communications experts, 7 percent of any message we send is conveyed through our words, 38 percent comes through our tone, and 55 percent is communicated through our body language. You read that correctly—55 percent!

When you complete this study unit, you’ll be able to •

Explain Explai n the com compon ponent ents s of comm communi unicat cation ion,, includ including ing effective listening and observation

•

List and desc List describ ribe e multip multiple le defen defense se mecha mechanis nisms ms that that act act as barriers to effective communication

•

Describe Descri be perso personal nal tra traits its esse essenti ntial al for for succes successfu sfull interpersonal relations

P r e v i e

In any office, you’ll meet and interact with a variety of people every single day. It’s important for you to be aware that many of these people will most likely be quite different from you in some ways; it’s also important that you take these differences into account when you communicate with them. This study unit is designed to help you develop successful, rewarding, and professional relationships with all of those you interact with in the workplace. workplace. Understanding Understanding and appreciating cultural, gender, ethnic, and personality differences will help you grow both in your personal relationships and your career. One fact you’ll explore in this unit is that your interactions with others are never limited to words. The old saying “Actions speak louder than words” contains a lot of truth. In interpersonal relations, your body language, or nonverbal communication, is often as important—if not more important— than verbal communication. In fact, according to some communications experts, 7 percent of any message we send is conveyed through our words, 38 percent comes through our tone, and 55 percent is communicated through our body language. You read that correctly—55 percent!

When you complete this study unit, you’ll be able to •

Explain Explai n the com compon ponent ents s of comm communi unicat cation ion,, includ including ing effective listening and observation

•

List and desc List describ ribe e multip multiple le defen defense se mecha mechanis nisms ms that that act act as barriers to effective communication

•

Describe Descri be perso personal nal tra traits its esse essenti ntial al for for succes successfu sfull interpersonal relations

•

Outl Ou tlin ine e the the comp compon onen ents ts of of the the communication feedback loop

•

List and List and descri describe be at lea least st six six compo componen nents ts of eff effect ective ive oral communication

•

Recogniz Recog nize e prejudi prejudice, ce, discr discrimi iminat nation ion,, or insensi insensitiv tivity ity in interpersonal relations

•

Define body language, or nonverbal communication, and describe the role it plays in communication

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THE IMPORTANCE OF INTERPERSONAL SKILLS The Messages You Send Communication Components Effective Listening Paraphrasing Effective Observation Traits for Successful Interpersonal Relations Defense Mechanisms

ORAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS Articulation Rate of Speaking Volume, Pitch, and Tone Enunciation and Pronunciation Improving Your Speech

INTERACTING WITH OTHERS Be Professional Interacting with the Office Team Displaying Loyalty and Respect/ Working with Others

SELF-CHECK ANSWERS ANSWERS

1 1 4 6 8 9 15 17

20 20 21 23 25 26

29 29 29 32

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C o n t e n t s v

Interpersonal Communication Skills THE IMPORTANCE OF INTERPERSONAL SKILLS The Messages You Send As an office professional, your job requires you to communicate , or relay and receive different types of information, in many types of situations (Figure 1). You’ll interact on a daily basis with executives, coworkers, new and established clients, and more. You’ll also handle incoming and outgoing telephone calls as well as written and electronic correspondence.

FIGURE 1—Effective communication is a large part of the office professional’s job.

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Although you might not be aware of it, you’re constantly sending messages to others. Your posture, your style of dress, the position you take in a room, and the tone of your voice are nonverbal ways to convey a message about what you’re thinking and what you’re trying to say. In this study unit, you’ll learn lear n how to interpret a number of nonverbal behavbe haviors. As you read, keep in mind that nonverbal behaviors don’t always mean the same things to different people (Figure 2). Cultural differences often color the translation. For example, in North America, a nod of the head means yes yes and and a shake of the head means no. In other cultures, such as Greece and Bulgaria, a nod means no no and and a shake means yes.

FIGURE 2—Cultural norms dictate nonverbal behaviors. Keep this in mind when interacting with people from different cultures.

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Interpersonal Communication Skills

KNOW YOURSELF

Before you can understand others, you must understand yourself. The following quiz will help you take a good, hard look at your interpersonal skills. Answer each question as it applies to you. Be honest. If you’re uncomfortable with your answers, you’ll know which areas of interpersonal skill you need to work on. 1. Do you find it it easy easy to start start a conve conversatio rsation? n? 2. Are you able to to hold up your end end of a convers conversation? ation? 3. Do you ask good questions? questions? (Good questions questions are usually usually open-ended open-ended,, requiring detailed detailed answers rather than just “yes” or “no” answers.) 4. Are you able to to talk about about topics topics other other than than yourself? yourself? 5. Do you you listen listen to the the speak speaker? er? 6. Do you use use appropriat appropriate e body language language when speakin speaking? g? 7. Do you draw others others into conversatio conversations ns when they aren’t aren’t contributing contributing their share? share? 8. Do you avoid exaggerat exaggerating ing facts when when speaking to others? others? (Tall (Tall tales don’t count.) count.) 9. Do you remembe rememberr names names of people people when introduc introduced? ed? 10. Do you avoid avoid using dialect, dialect, bad grammar grammar,, slang, clichés clichés,, or jargon in professio professional nal or formal situations? 11. Do you enjoy enjoy learning learning about people, people, their interes interests, ts, hobbies, hobbies, and and ideas? ideas? 12. Do you you keep keep others others intere interested sted in what what you’re you’re sayin saying? g? 13. Do you give others an opportunity opportunity to express express their views? 14. Are you able able to discuss discuss controv controversial ersial matters matters without getting getting angry angry or upset? upset? 15. Do you pay pay attention attention to to the conver conversation sation without havin having g your mind mind wander? wander? If you answered “yes” to at least 10 questions, your interpersonal skills are probably quite good. But try to work on any weak areas so that you can change “no” answers to “yes.”


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Communication Components The communication process has five essential elements: 1. The message —information that you wish to communicate to another person 2. The sender —the person sending out the information infor mation 3. The channel —method used to convey the information (verbal, nonverbal, written, or electronic) 4. The receiver —the person receiving recei ving the information infor mation 5. Feedback —when the receiver and sender reverse positions Take a look at the communication feedback feed back loop in Figure 3 to better understand the role each element plays. FIGURE 3—The Communication Feedback Loop

Notice the wavy lines in the middle of Figure of Figure 3 that indicate interference. Interference Interference is is anything that gets in the way of clear communication between two or more people. It can come in a number of forms. In writing, an author’s style can be confusing or a reader’s comprehension level not high enough for the material. In conversation, a speaker’s word choice may be unclear. Interference can also take the form of outside noises or other distractions. Regardless of the type of interference, its presence disrupts communication. To be effective, communicators must keep their listeners’ needs, expectations, and comprehension abilities in mind.

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When we communicate, whether sending or receiving, we have reference points that points that determine how we express and understand messages. These points, which include education, life experiences, social and cultural expectations, and religious beliefs, color the way we communicate with others (Figure 4). FIGURE 4—Our educational levels and life experienc experiences es are just two of the factors that affect our understanding of communicatio communication. n.

One of the most influential reference points is a listener’s language abilities. For example, if this study unit included a number of words that you weren’t familiar with and that the text didn’t define, you would most likely struggle to understand the message within it. The same holds true when you communicate with someone. If you use vocabulary, phrases, idioms, or expressions that are outside your listeners’ realm of experience, it isn’t likely that your message will be understood. For this reason, when working in an office, you should be sure to use your words wisely (Figure wisely (Figure 5).


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Take your pick

On the right track

Pearl of wisdom

Be that as it may

A baker’s dozen

As clear as mud

Get a head start

Heads will roll

Solid as a rock

Up to their necks

A tight ship

A knight in shining armor

Stay out of my hair

Down in the dumps

Par for the course

FIGURE 5—These are some of the most common American idioms. You know what they mean—but people from other countries countries may not.

Effective Listening A Turkish proverb states, “If speaking is silver, then listening is gold.” To be a successful communicator, one of the most important skills you need to develop is effective listening. This listening. This is the ability to accurately absorb information and then provide feedback to the speaker. By listening effectively, you can • Ob Obta tain in mor more e info inform rmat atio ion n • In Incr crea ease se peo peopl ple’ e’s s trus trustt • Re Reduc duce e the the ri risk sk of co conf nfli lict ct • Mot otiv ivat ate e ot othe hers rs • En Enco cour urag age e com commi mitm tmen entt For example, picture this scene. Your coworker, Joe, is slumped over his desk. His head is in his hands. You ask, “Joe, are you okay?” He picks up his head but doesn’t look you in the eye as he replies, “Yes, I’m fine. Just tired.” Clearly, his verbal and nonverbal responses aren’t in sync. Joe may say he’s fine, but there’s something wro wrong ng beyond being tired. Listening to what others say is an important part of the communication process. However, listening isn’t complete without observation. Good listeners hear exactly what another person says, and they compare that message with the person’s facial expressions and other body language (Figure 6).

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FIGURE 6—When words are at odds with body language, the message being sent with the body is generally more reliable. It’s obvious this office professional is growing impatient with her supervisor.

When communicating with others, pay as much attention to their nonverbal clues as you do to their words. When a person’s words seem at odds with his or her actions, you can usually trust the person’s actions to be a much more reliable indicator of what that person is thinking or feeling. Listening involves the eyes as well as the ears! Becoming an effective listener takes time and effort. Here are some of the best ways to learn and practice the skill: • Prepare yourself to listen. Clear your mind of other thoughts and focus only on the person speaking. Stop any other activity that might distract you. • Look at the speaker. Eye contact displays your interest and also makes it more difficult to let your attention wander while the person is speaking. • Concentrate on what’s being said. Focus on the speaker’s words, not on what you’ll say in response to those words. • Listen with empathy. Understand what the speaker is saying and why he or she feels that way.


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• Listen not only to what is being said, but also how it’s being said. Remember, actions speak louder than words. Is the person’s body language and/or speaking voice contrary to trary to the message? • Demons Demonstra trate te to the speak speaker er that that you’re you’re listeni listening ng by nodnodding your head, leaning forward and saying appropriate responses such as, “Yes,” “I see,” “Okay,” and so on. • Don’t attempt to guess or predict what the person is going to say. This say. This interferes with your y our ability to hear what’s actually being said. • Don’t interrupt or cut off a person’s statement. Try waiting three to five seconds after someone is done talking before responding. • Avoid thinking about a solution to a problem while the person is still talking. You can easily get so caught up in your own thoughts that you stop listening.

Paraphrasing One of the foundations for developing listening skills is paraphrasing, or repeating a person’s message back to that person, using different words to express the same idea. To paraphrase, you listen to a speaker and then repeat his or her message in your own words, without changing the meaning. Read these examples: Speaker: I work so hard all year long, it doesn’t seem that I’d be out of line to expect decent accommodations and good weather for two lousy weeks! Paraphrased: When you finally take a vacation, you want things to go well. Speaker: Lisa told me that she would take care of the final details. She didn’t do it, and now it looks like I was the one who didn’t follow through! Paraphrased: Lisa didn’t do what she was supposed to, and now you have to deal with the blame.

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Notice that neither example repeated the speaker’s words verbatim, or word for word. Doing that doesn’t guarantee that you understood what the speaker said. It could just mean that you, like a well-trained parrot, have a knack for repeating what you hear. Besides, repeating a person exactly could be quite annoying. Rephrasing helps a person feel like you truly were paying attention and are fully engaged in the conversation. Paraphrasing allows you to test whether or not you’ve heard the message correctly and have understood the speaker’s intentions. Hearing the message reflected back lets the speaker know he or she got their points across correctly. It gives everyone involved the opportunity to catch any misunderstandings and clarify or correct them.

Effective Observation Remember how we said that listening is using your eyes as well as your ears? This is known as effective observation, and it’s defined as the ability to recognize and understand nonverbal communication, or the body language that reveals a great deal about an individual. It may sound simple, but communication experts have determined that there are more than 100,000 nonverbal signals. The eyebrows alone have almost al most two dozen! Take a look at this list for some key examples: • Fa Faci cial al ex expr pres essi sion on • Gestures • Eye contact • Posture • Tone of voice • Touching • Physica Physicall proximit proximity y (Too close— close—push pushy y or aggress aggressive? ive? Too Too distant—aloof, angry?)


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Can you see why learning how to read nonverbal communication is so important? Often a person’s body language is a more accurate indicator of what a person is thinking than is anything he or she says (Figure 7). This 7). This is because most most nonverbal communication isn’t under our conscious control. Certain habits— nail biting, finger tapping, hair twisting, and so on—reveal our inner emotions without our even realizing it. FIGURE 7— Body language is usually unconsciou unconscious. s. This office worker may not realize that he’s projecting an aura of (possibly) sadness, anger, or confusion.

Nervous habits are easy for an observer to recognize, but other types of nonverbal cues aren’t quite so obvious. In fact, the same gesture or facial expression may mean one of several things. For example, sitting with your arms folded over your chest could mean that you’re • Tryin Trying g to protec protectt yoursel yourselff from someb somebody ody or some somethi thing ng • Hu Hugg ggin ing g your yourse self lf as a form form of comf comfor ortt • Fee Feelin ling g self-con self-conscio scious us about about your physi physical cal appear appearanc ance e • Co Cold ld an and d try tryin ing g to to war warm m up up

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Which one of these is accurate? You can’t be sure, and that’s why it’s essential that you not jump to any conclusions about the meaning of any particular nonverbal communication. This is especially true if you work in an office setting where coworkers and clients are from a variety of ethnic backgrounds. Each culture has its own meanings attached to nonverbal communication. Here are just a few examples: • Man Many y Asian Asian cultu cultures res belie believe ve eye eye contac contactt to be rude. rude. • The “O.K “O.K.” .” gestu gesture re in Amer America ica mean means s “worthl “worthless ess”” in France. • The “V “V for Vict Victory ory”” sign sign here here means means “Get “Get lost!” lost!” in some some countries. Proxemics is the study of what people consider comfortable Proxemics is personal space. How close is too close? It depends on your cultural background (Figure 8). Culture

Distance between Speaker and Listener in Inches

Middle Eastern Western European North American

FIGURE 8—Appropriate personal space varies from culture to culture.

8 to 12 14 to 16 19

British/Scottish/Irish/Welsh, Korean, Chinese Japanese

24 36

One of the most powerful nonverbal tools you can use is eye contact. Looking someone in the eye says, “I’m interested in speaking with you and hearing what you have to say” (Figure 9). On the other hand, if you look away from someone when he or she is talking to you, you may give the impression of disinterest or even disrespect. Of course, it’s important not to overdo it and stare at someone. This can be disconcerting and even project hostility.


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FIGURE 9—Eye contact sends the message that you’re interested in what the other person has to say.

Other body gestures can enhance your interaction with others. A welcoming or parting handshake, for example, is a sign of friendship in American culture; so is patting someone on the back or shoulder. Smiling virtually always conveys friendliness and approachability, two very important qualities for the office professional. What are some other body expressions and their common meanings? • Lookin Looking g upwards upwards and and to one side side:: “I’m thin thinkin king g about about something.” • Tapp Tapping ing the the hands hands and/or and/or feet: feet: “I’m “I’m getting getting impat impatien ient.” t.” • Stretc Stretchin hing g the arms arms backwar backward d or upward upward:: “I’m “I’m ready ready to leave.” • Holdin Holding g the stomac stomach h in: “I’m “I’m feelin feeling g anxious anxious and and need need to get control.” • Leanin Leaning g in in towar towards ds the the spe speaker aker:: “I’m “I’m very very interested interested in what you’re saying.” • Leanin Leaning g away from from the speake speaker: r: “I’m “I’m not remote remotely ly interinterested in what you’re saying,” or “Get out of my personal space.”

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KEY BODY LANGUAGE TIPS

1. Fac Face e your listeners listeners as they speak speak so you you can maintain maintain eye eye contact. 2. Sta Stand nd up straigh straightt and avoid avoid slouc slouchin hing. g. 3. Kee Keep p your facial facial expressio expressions ns relaxed, relaxed, or match match the other person’s expression. 4. Speak in in a moderate, moderate, clear vocal tone. Don’t Don’t whisper whisper or shout. 5. Avoid fidgeti fidgeting ng or any other other nervous nervous behavi behaviors. ors. 6. Hold your your arms arms at your side side or gently folded. 7. Stay an avera average ge of one arm’s arm’s length away away from the the person person to whom you’re speaking. 8. Reme Remember mber that as as you’re you’re observing observing a person’s person’s body body language, language, he or she may be doing the same.

One method for interpreting body language is to “turn the volume down” on a person’s words and “turn the volume up” on the person’s facial expressions and gestures. Concentrate on facial expression, body posture, placement of limbs, and so on. You can practice by watching a video with the volume turned off. Can you figure out what people are saying and feeling just by watching them? It can be quite challenging, but will get easier as you practice. Another way to practice body language analysis is to spend time in front of the mirror mimicking facial expressions and movements you’ve seen other people make. Exaggerate them and see how you feel as you do them (Figure 10). If you’re dealing with a person and wish to confirm your understanding of a particular nonverbal communication, discuss it with him or her, but remember not to be rude or judgmental. Use tact—say what you mean, mean what you say, but don’t say it mean! Avoid playing amateur psychiatrist, and don’t invade the person’s privacy. Here’s an example:


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FIGURE 10—Facial expressions are another example of nonverbal communication.

Rude: You don’t have to cross your arms over your chest, Mr. Somers. None of the other interviewees were a bit nervous! Tactful: Mr. Somers, you seem anxious. Would you like to sit at this desk and review your materials before your interview? Observing and interpreting nonverbal behavior is especially important when the body language contradicts the individual’s words. In this case, the individual may be expressing through nonverbal communication what he or she is unwilling or afraid to say out loud. For example, observe the nonverbal behavior in Figure 11. What do you think his behavior is saying?

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FIGURE 11—What nonverbal communication is this worker expressing?

Along with watching and interpreting other people’s nonverbal communication, you need to monitor your own. How can you do this? Ask a friend to record you on video. Have someone take a series of photos of you. Check each one for evidence of nonverbal habits. What can you change or improve?

Traits for Successful Interpersonal Relations Relating to people means making a connection between you and another person. If you have the following personality traits, or if you take the time to develop them, you’ll find it easier to form positive connections. You must have • Patience • Tact • Courtesy


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• Empathy • Consistency • Res espe pect ctfu fuln lnes ess s • Honesty • Sensitivity Patience is an important interpersonal skill that allows you to Patience is deal effectively with other people. It means allowing others to work at their own pace or in their own style, even when that differs from your own. It means not getting irritated or annoyed when things don’t go your way. Tact means doing and saying the right things at the right time. Tact means If you’re tactful, you maintain good relations with others by avoiding needless offenses. You need to be perceptive in recognizing your own feelings and those of others. Often, it’s not what is what is said but how how it’s it’s said that causes offense. Take care to use an appropriate tone, inflection, and style of speaking. Courtesy means putting the needs of others before your own. Courtesy means It means cooperating, sharing, and giving. You should treat all people in a polite manner—courteously, professionally, and impartially. Please, thank you, you’re welcome, excuse me, and may I help you? should you? should be standard phrases in your vocabulary. Courtesy is intertwined with common decency; you must be b e careful never to play favorites. Don’t do special favors for one coworker that you wouldn’t do for another. Doing so breeds ill will and dissent in the workplace. Empathy means being able to recognize and understand what Empathy means another person is feeling. When you empathize, you can make the other person aware that you understand his or her feelings. Empathizing is more than just paraphrasing; it involves both the basic message and the emotions behind it. In empathizing, the listener not only understands the content of the message but also brings out and labels the speaker’s underlying feelings. Consistency means being reliable and predictable in how you Consistency means respond to others. If people know what to expect from you, they’re more likely to trust you and communicate freely with

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you. Your Your coworkers and the executives you work with on a daily basis need to know that they can count on you to do a job well and follow through when you say you will. wil l. Respect: No matter whom you’re dealing with—your employer, Respect: No your coworkers, or your clients—it’s cli ents—it’s essential to be respectful in your manner and speech. Treating others with respect, and remembering to respond rather than react to them, will inspire people to communicate in the same way. Honesty: Being honest is very important in all of your workHonesty: Being place dealings. Telling a lie of any sort is only going to lead to more trouble. Keep in mind that it’s okay to tell a client or coworker that you simply don’t know something, as long as you immediately offer to find the information elsewhere. Bluffing doesn’t belong in the office. Sensitivity: Staying aware of people’s needs and feelings will Sensitivity: Staying help guide you in determining how to respond to them. Most likely, people will appreciate your awareness and reflect it back to you as well. Taking the time to congratulate a coworker on a job well done, for example, improves his or her morale and can make work a more pleasant place for both of you. Taking notice of a coworker who has a problem and offering to help can do the same.

Defense Mechanisms Psychologists and psychiatrists have identified a number of defense mechanisms, which are unconscious adjustments we make in our behavior in response to people and situations. Defense mechanisms make interpersonal communications difficult. Because you’ll be working with so many different people in so many different situations, it’s important that you recognize and identify these mechanisms in yourself and in the people around you. Repression. Socially unacceptable or painful desires or impulses are pushed out of the conscious mind into the unconscious, without our being aware of it. These feelings may crop up in dreams or in subtle behaviors.


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Displacement. Emotions about one person, idea, or situation are transferred to another, seemingly more acceptable or easier target. Projection. One’s own ideas, feelings, or attitudes are attributed to someone else. For example, you convince yourself that someone else is to take the blame for something because you don’t want to take the responsibility. actions ns for “logical” reasons, reasons, Rationalization. Justifying your actio without really examining the true motives of behavior. Intellectualization. Again, reasoning is used to avoid the truth, as a way of denying strong feelings that may be socially unacceptable or difficult. Sublimation. An instinctual desire or impulse is diverted into a socially acceptable activity. Temporary withdrawal. Finding ways to avoid dealing with painful or difficult situations by avoiding that situation. Malingering. Deliberately pretending to be sick when healthy in order to escape an anxious situation. Denial. Failing to accept and deal with a traumatic, stressful situation by refusing to admit or acknowledge that the situation exists. Regression. Returning to an earlier mental or behavioral level during times of stress. If on occasion you recognize some of these defense mechanisms in yourself or someone else, don’t worry too much. These behaviors are the mind’s natural way of coping with stress. However, habitual use of such defense mechanisms can indicate a need for counseling. Chronic dependence on defense mechanisms can point to interpersonal communication problems that might be solved if they’re faced and analyzed. In the next section, we’ll talk about oral communication skills. Before going on, please check your understanding of what you’ve studied so far by b y completing Self-Check 1.

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Self-Check 1 At the end of each section of Interpersonal Communication Communication Skills, you’ll be asked to pause and check your understanding of what you’ve just read by completing a “Self-Check” exercise. Answering these questions will help you review what you’ve studied so far. Please complete Self-Check 1 now.

Indicate whether each statement is True or False.

______

1. Feedback is a return message.

______

2. Sitting with your arms crossed over your chest always means you’re trying to warm up.

______

3. To paraphrase, repeat what someone said, word wo rd for word.

______

4. The five components of the communication process are the message, the speaker speaker,, the voice, the listener listener,, and feedback.

______

5. One of your reference points is the amount of education you have.

______

6. Body language always reinforces or agrees with the t he spoken message.

Check your answers with those on page 37.


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ORAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS People often list public speaking as their second biggest fear in life. Yet some form of public speaking is required in virtually every job imaginable. At some time, you may have to present information to coworkers, executives, or perhaps even clients. Being able to speak clearly and well is an integral part of good communication, so knowing the basics will help you do your job better better.. Let’s explore explore the qualities qualities that that are needed needed for strong oral communication skills.

Articulation Your professional interactions require you to be articulate, or able to express yourself readily, clearly, and effectively (Figure 12). Your message is going to be lost if it isn’t understood. Use concise words, correct grammar and speak in a pleasant tone of voice without rushing. Remember to add pauses where you would have commas and periods and don’t be afraid to pause between statements for emphasis. If you smile often, that smile will transfer into your voice and promote good business relations. FIGURE 12—Effective speakers use correct grammar and pronunciapronunciation. They also speak at a pleasant rate.

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What makes a voice pleasing? Proper volume (not too loud, not too soft), clear enunciation, good pitch, and a correct speaking rate are the most important elements.

Rate of Speaking rate or pace of speaking can serve as a source of inter ferYour rate or pace ence when trying to get a message across. Always strive to speak at a moderate rate, that is, not too quickly nor too slowly. You’ll find listeners more attentive to what you have to say when you speak at a moderate rate. Analyze your voice to see if it needs improvement in this area. How quickly do you speak? Do people often ask you to repeat a statement? Do they seem to lose interest when you’re speaking? Your voice should sound natural, not affected. If you have a tendency to be a fast talker, slow down. If you speak too slowly, speed up. An average rate of speech should be approximately 120 words per minute. You can measure your rate of speed by reading the passage in Figure 13 out loud, taking time to pause where you would if you were engaged in a conversation. Read the passage through silently once or twice to familiarize yourself yourself with the words. Time yourself. When you finish, divide 600 by the number of minutes it took you to read. Don’t round off to the nearest minute, but to make your math simple, it’s okay to round off to the nearest 15 seconds. For instance, if it takes you 5 minutes and 15 seconds, divide 600 by 5.25. If it i t takes you 5 minutes and 45 seconds, divide by 5.75. A speaker with an average rate of speech will take approximately 5 minutes.


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COMMUNICATION BARRIERS

While there are many barriers to effective communication, Thomas Gordon, an expert on interpersonal communication, has identified 12 of the most common ones. These “conversation

stoppers” are almost guaranteed to block the flow of communication between individuals, and can even end friendships! How many do you recognize? Criticizing. Making a negative evaluation of the other person’s actions or attitudes. “You brought

it on yourself; you’ve got nobody else to blame for the mess you’re in,” or “Can’t you do any-

thing right?” Name-calling. Putting down or stereotyping the other person. “You hardhats are all alike” or

“What a dope!” dop e!” or “Just like l ike a woman,” or “You’re really dumb. dumb.” ” Diagnosing. Analyzing why a person’s behaving a certain way; playing amateur psychiatrist. “You’re “You ’re just doing that to irritate me,” or “I know just what’s wrong with you,” you,” or “ Just because

you went to college, you think you’re better than I am.” Praising evaluatively. Being too nice by saying things about a person that are excessive or

aren’t really true. “You’re perfect.” Or “You’re the best typist in the world,” or “I’ve never seen anything like that report—really fabulous.” Ordering. Commanding the other person to do what you want to have done. “I want you to

do this report right now. Why? Because I said so!” or “Get these letters out right now and take your break later.” Threatening. Attempting to control the actions of others by warning of negative consequences.

“If we don’t d on’t get along better, better, I’m going to tell Mr. Mr. Smith about you,” or “You’ll finish that report tonight or else!” or “Just come in late again and see what happens.” Moralizing. Telling another person what to do or “preaching” what you believe is right or

proper. “You shouldn’t get a divorce; think about what will happen to the children,” or “You ought to tell him you’re sorry,” or “You can do much better than that if you try.” “Bully” questioning. Asking questions that are often conversation stoppers because the response must be a forced yes or no. “Are you sorry you did it?” or “Well, weren’t you supposed to know that before you attended the meeting?” or “You mean you didn’t take the report

with you?” Unwelcome advising. Giving the person a solution to a problem even when the person

didn’t ask for one. “If I were you, I’d sure tell her off!” or “That’s an easy one to solve—first you . . .” or “What you need to do is go to night school.” Diverting attention. Pushing the other person’s problems aside through distraction. “Don’t

dwell on it, Sarah, let’s talk about something more pleasant,” or “You think you’ve got it bad— let me tell you what happened to me.” (Continued) FIGURE 13—Read this passage aloud to determine your rate of speaking.

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COMMUNICATION BARRIERS—Contin BARRIERS—Continued ued Logical argumentation prematurely prematurely.. Attempting to convince the other person with an appeal

to factors or logic without knowing the factors involved. “Look at the facts: if you hadn’t left

work early the other afternoon, we would have finished the report and Ms. Smith wouldn’t be upset,” or “By devoting 20 minutes to opening the mail in the morning and concentrating on getting all your typing done before lunch, you should be able to spend every afternoon on

changing the files over.” False reassuring. Trying to stop the other person from feeling negative emotions. “Don’t worry,

it’s always darkest before the dawn,” or “It will all work out okay in the end,” or “There’s no

point in crying over something that you can’t do anything about.” FIGURE 13—Continued

Volume, Pitch, and Tone Your speaking volume volume is is the degree of loudness. The pitch The pitch of of your voice is its highness or lowness of sound. Tone Tone commucommunicates mood or feeling; your voice can have soft, rough, sweet, harsh, excited, bored, and many other qualities. The volume, pitch, and tone of your voice vary according to circumstances. Listen to someone who’s thrilled about something. That person’s voice has a high, louder-than-usual quality to it. Or, listen to someone giving a speech over a microphone; the tone is normally lower and richer. Some people speak so loudly that they blast the listener’s eardrums. Others speak so softly that they can hardly be heard. It’s difficult to concentrate on either type of voice. Of course, there are times when shouting and whispering are the appropriate speaking volumes. But do you shout or whisper when you speak in normal conversation? Although it’s good to maintain a moderate volume, pitch, and tone in the office, of fice, you shouldn’t take moderation too far. Speaking in a monotone monotone voice—one voice—one that doesn’t show a change in feeling or pitch—is a quick way to put your listener to sleep. A voice with variety is more pleasant than a constant humming sound. Raise and lower your voice as you speak. This variety makes makes the speaker appear more interesting, interesting, and, therefore, the subject appears more interesting. Use a pleasant


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tone of voice that shows enthusiasm and warmth. Your voice represents your personality. Your speech should match the smile on your face. The telephone can bring br ing out the worst in people’s voices. Some people who speak at a moderate volume face-to-face use the telephone like it’s a bullhorn. Others speak as if they believe the telephone wires amplify their voices. Since a significant part of your job may include answering the phone and/or making calls, you should make sure that your voice is at the right level. Ask your friends to spend time with you on the telephone and give you helpful feedback on your volume, tone, pitch and speed (Figure 14). FIGURE 14—Speaking correctly on the telephone is just as important as speaking correctly in person.

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Enunciation and Pronunciation In the movie My Fair Lady, the character of Eliza Doolittle repeated the phrase, “The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain” over and over. Her manner of speaking made it almost impossible to understand what she was saying. After enough practice and instruction, however, she finally made herself clearer. In so doing, she learned the art of enunciation and pronunciation. Enunciation is the way you form your words when you speak. Enunciation is Pronunciation is Pronunciation is how you say each syllable. To perform both properly, you have to use your lips, teeth, jaw, and tongue. It can be hard for you to tell how you sound; we’re used to our own ways of speaking and may not notice a flaw or problem. To study your voice, read out loud into a tape recorder recor der and then play it back. How do you sound? Do you notice anything that needs work? Don’t stop there. Have someone else listen to it, too, and get his or her feedback. You may discover an accent that you didn’t realize you had! Avoid the following common mistakes in enunciation and pronunciation. • Do Don’ n’tt sou sound nd a si sile lent nt h. h eir eir

h onest onest

h onor onor

h onorable onorable

h eiress eiress • Be su sure re to sou soun nd th the h h in in each of these words. wh arf

wh ile ile

wh en en

wh ip ip

wh ere

wh iz iz

wh ich

wh y

• Di Dist stin ingu guis ish h betw between een th the e soun sound d of ern of ern and and ren . southern south ern

eastern east ern

western west ern

children child ren

northern north ern

brethren breth ren


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• Don’t confus use e per per with with pre. pre. per form form

pre tend tend

per sist sist

pre vent vent

per haps haps

pre scription scription

• Sou oun nd th the fi final g, but don’t hang on to it and don’t make it hard like the g g in in grunt. sitting sittin g

sing sin g

playing playin g

ring rin g

dancing dancin g

thing thin g

• Do Don’ n’tt run run wor words ds to toge geth ther er.. Give me (not gimme)

Catch them (not ketch em)

Saw her (not saw r)

Don’t you (not doncha)

Let me (not lemme)

Might as well (not mize well)

Improving Your Speech You might look into taking a speech, communication, or acting class to improve your oral communication skills. You may even consider finding a local Toastmaster’s group (www.toastmasters.org www.toastmasters.org). ). They They specialize in helping people peo ple improve their speaking abilities. You can also become more articulate by keeping your ears and eyes attuned to language. Here are a few suggestions. Listen attentively to those who speak correct, effective English. Pay attention to the oral delivery style of news announcers, national speakers, and politicians. These people have been coached and taught the elements of strong speaking skills, so pattern your speech after theirs. (However, be aware that not all announcers are perfect. You may stumble upon one who says “innernet” for Internet Internet or or “innerview” for interview .) .) You might also consider asking a friend, teacher, or coworker who speaks well to listen to you and make suggestions (Figure 15).

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FIGURE 15—You might consider asking someone whose opinion you respect to grade and/ or guide you in your speaking performance. performance.

professio nal Listen to audio books. These are narrated by professional speakers. Pay close attention to the use of slang, accents, and local dialect. Picking out the differences between standard English and these styles is a good way to improve your language skills. Become good friends with your dictionary. You’ll encounter many unfamiliar words when you read or talk to others. Don’t

let these new words escape your scrutiny! Look them up in the dictionary and note how they’re spelled and pronounced. Read their definitions and try to use them when possible so that they become a part of your active vocabulary. Think positively. Anytime you have to give a speech or presentation, visualize yourself giving it wonderfully. See the words flowing smoothly and your audience listening and appreciating your information. Keep up a positive internal dialogue by telling yourself, “This speech will go well,” “I’m prepared, organized, and professional,” and, “I know I’m capable of doing a good job.” By programming your brain with positive images, you effectively enhance your skills and abilities.


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Self-Check 2 1. List five five barriers barriers to effective effective communicati communication. on.

___________________________ _____________ ___________________________ ___________________________ __________________ ____ ___________________________ _____________ ___________________________ ___________________________ __________________ ____ ___________________________ _____________ ___________________________ ___________________________ __________________ ____ ___________________________ _____________ ___________________________ ___________________________ __________________ ____ ___________________________ _____________ ___________________________ ___________________________ __________________ ____ 2. Give four ways ways you can improve improve your oral communicati communication on skills.

___________________________ _____________ ___________________________ ___________________________ __________________ ____ ___________________________ _____________ ___________________________ ___________________________ __________________ ____ ___________________________ _____________ ___________________________ ___________________________ __________________ ____ ___________________________ _____________ ___________________________ ___________________________ __________________ ____ 3. Practice saying saying the following to gain accuracy and precision of pronunciation. Modulate your pitch and tone in an interesting way. a. b. c. d. e. f. g. h. i.

Are our Are our oa oars rs he here re? ? Bring Brin g me som some e ice, ice, not not some some mic mice. e. Sudden Sud denly ly seaw seaward ard swe swept pt the the squa squall. ll. He saw saw six six long, long, slim, slim, sleek, sleek, slende slenderr saplings. saplings. Amos Ames, Ames, the amiable amiable aeronaut, aeronaut, aided in an an aerial enterpris enterprise e at the age of eighty-e eighty-eight ight Six thick thick thist thistle le stick sticks, s, six six thick thick thistle thistles s stick. stick. A big black black bug bug bit bit a big blac black k bear bear. He rejoic rejoiceth, eth, approac approacheth, heth, acce accepteth, pteth, cease ceaseth. th. Geese Gee se cackl cackle, e, cattl cattle e low, low, crows crows caw, caw, cock cocks s crow. crow.


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INTERACTING WITH OTHERS Be Professional All office personnel share the responsibility for making sure an office is professional. Not only should your office have an efficient, business-like aura about it, but so should you—at all times. While no one is perfect, doing your best at all times is expected. This means that in all of your interactions, whether it’s with coworkers, bosses or clients, you should be • Honest • Punctual • Reliable • He Help lpfful to ot othe hers rs • Tr Tru ustworthy • Wary of of go gossi sip p • Ap Appr prop opri riat atel ely y dres dresse sed d • Ma Mattur urel ely y beh behav aved ed

Interacting with the Office Team An office staff is very much like a sports team. Everyone works for a common goal (winning) but has his or her own specific duties (quarterback, pitcher, forward, etc.). As an integral part of a team, you work with others to achieve the goal of a professional, successful office (Figure 16). You must be flexible, willing, and able to assume additional duties or assist other people when needed. “That’s not my job” is an expression you should eliminate from your vocabulary of phrases. Willingness to help in a pleasant and cooperative manner will earn you the high opinions of your coworkers.


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FIGURE 16—The success of any office depends on the quality of teamwork by its staff.

Of course, you shouldn’t overstep your boundaries, either. There’s a difference between between pitching in and taking over. over. Don’t ever assume assume that that your assistance is needed. Wait until you’re asked. The ability to cooperate and get along with other people plays a major role in success at the workplace. Your coworkers are people you have to work with despite any differences among you in personality traits, beliefs, values, and work habits. Problems with your colleagues can result in negative consequences, such as subpar work performance, more frequent absenteeism, and overall job instability. To deal with problems effectively, you’ll have to be dependable, polite, and patient. You must strive to remain above pettiness and mood iness, because the competent office professional doesn’t bring a bad mood to work. Never let your personal problems interfere with professional interactions—even if the problem happens to be with a coworker. Remember to put the objectives of your job before your personal feelings. feel ings. Supervisors generally welcome input from employees. Most supervisors hold regular staff meetings so that office staff have the opportunity to get to know each other, review office

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policies and work procedures, and discuss and solve problems. Although meetings can seem tedious, try to view them as excellent opportunities to interact effectively with the other people in your office. When working with others, keep the following rules in mind: • Be sens sensitiv itive e to your cow coworke orkers’ rs’ fee feelin lings. gs. • Adjust Adjust your your attit attitude ude so you you can coope cooperat rate e with fell fellow ow employees. • Show Show intere interest st in othe otherr people people—but —but not to to the poin pointt of gossiping. • Expres Express s appreci appreciati ation. on. If If someone someone assis assists ts you you in some some way, show that you’re grateful for the help. • Be co cour urte teou ous s to to eve every ryon one. e. • Be ope open n to ne new w idea ideas s and and conc concep epts ts.. • Keep Keep commun communica ication tion lin lines es open open amon among g all sta staff ff members. • Be hon honest est wit with h your yoursel selff and and oth others ers.. • Keep Keep the pri privat vate e busines business s reveal revealed ed to you you by your your coworkers to yourself. • If you you have have a critic criticism ism of of an employ employee, ee, take take it it direct directly ly to that person rather than complaining to everyone or spreading rumors. Don’t do it in front of others, either; set a convenient, private time and place to discuss things. • When When misunde misunderst rstand anding ings s occur occur, clear clear them up as as soon as possible. • Adm Admit it your your mis mistak takes es and and learn fro from m them. them. • Accept Accept constr construct uctive ive criti criticis cism m gracious graciously ly and with with an open mind. • Be open open to to taking taking work prob problems lems to a media mediator tor or objective third party if needed. • When When you tal talk k to your your cowor coworker kers s about about a probl problem, em, remember to have a dialogue, not a debate. The goal isn’t to win but to get the issue resolved.


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Displaying Loyalty and Respect/ Working with Others The company and people you work for are ar e entitled to your loyalty. When you’re with friends or family, avoid making negative or derogatory remarks that could cast an unfavorable light on any of your coworkers, bosses, or company. It could damage their reputation—and yours. As a member of an office team, your coworkers expect a certain level of professionalism. It’s essential that you make a concentrated effort to treat all people you meet equally, no matter what personal feelings you have about the person’s race, sexual orientation, religious beliefs, and so on. It’s highly likely that you’ll interact with people of different races

and cultures in your job (Figure 17). They 17). They may speak and act in ways that are completely new to you. It’s important for you to be tolerant and understanding of these differences and show respect for every person’s cultural beliefs. Remember that your behavior and mannerisms may seem odd to a member of another culture. How would you like that person to treat you? FIGURE 17—Show respect for all people of all cultures.

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Respecting others requires you to be aware of your own beliefs and potential prejudices. Most people don’t think of themselves as prejudiced. In reality, though, every person has preconceived notions and biases. It can be hard to see our opinions as prejudices, because they seem perfectly reasonable to us. However, personal prejudices affect the way we view and treat others. For example, restaurant servers waiting on couples often place the bill in front of the man without asking who is paying. Some people still assume a doctor will be a man and a nurse will be a woman, even though both jobs are held by both genders.

Stereotypes are preconceived ideas about a group of people made without taking individual differences into account. Stereotyping groups people together, assigning them the same traits and behaviors simply because they belong to a certain social group. Labeling in this way is a symptom of prejudice. Office professionals who respect individual differences and honestly care about people won’t label individuals. If you learn all you can about other cultural groups, you’ll avoid offending people who have different ethnic backgrounds. You’ll also earn their respect and confidence in return. However, what do you do if the prejudice is directed toward you? By law, employers aren’t allowed al lowed to discriminate based on race, color, national origin, religion, sex, family status, handicap, or age. If you feel discriminated against, you should contact your state branch of the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (www.eeoc.gov) or the Canadian Commission for Labor Cooperation (www.naalc.org). Discrimination is a very serious charge, though, so be sure of your facts before contacting authorities. Look over the list of the most common types of prejudice that follows and ask yourself: Do I subscribe to any of them? If so, make every effort you can to rid yourself of such prejudices. • Ra Race ce or et ethn hnic ic gr grou oup p • Gender • Age • Se Sexu xual al or orie ient ntat atio ion n


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• Ha Hand ndic icap ap or dis disab abil ilit ity y • Re Relig ligio ious us beli belief efs s or pr prac acti tices ces • Non Non-En -Engli glishsh-spea speakin king g ind individ ividual uals s • HIV HIV-pos -positi itive ve individ individuals uals,, or those those afflicte afflicted d with AIDS AIDS • Weight • Marital st status • Us Use e of pub publi lic c assi assist stan ance ce • Na Nattio iona nall or orig igin in • Pregnancy

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Self-Check 3 1. How is stereoty stereotyping ping a symptom symptom of prejudice prejudice? ?

___________________________ ______________ ___________________________ ___________________________ _________________ ____ ___________________________ ______________ ___________________________ ___________________________ _________________ ____ ___________________________ ______________ ___________________________ ___________________________ _________________ ____ 2. List at least least five practices practices that will will help you work well with others. others.

___________________________ ______________ ___________________________ ___________________________ _________________ ____ ___________________________ ______________ ___________________________ ___________________________ _________________ ____ ___________________________ ______________ ___________________________ ___________________________ _________________ ____ ___________________________ ______________ ___________________________ ___________________________ _________________ ____ ___________________________ ______________ ___________________________ ___________________________ _________________ ____ 3. Name at least least three ways ways you can can exhibit professionalism in the office setting.

___________________________ ______________ ___________________________ ___________________________ _________________ ____ ___________________________ ______________ ___________________________ ___________________________ _________________ ____ ___________________________ ______________ ___________________________ ___________________________ _________________ ____ (Continued)


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Self-Check 3 Questions 4–10: Match the statement given in the left-hand column to its correct form of bias in the right-hand column.

______

4. “What does she know? She’s just a woman. woman.” ”

______

5. “We don’t provide maternity leave here.”

______

6. “Don’t ask her her.. She’s Jewish.”

a. weight b. ge gen nd er c. ma mari rita tall stat status us d. public assistance

______

7. “I bet she won’t even fit in her desk chair.”

______

8. “Did you know she’s on welfare?”

______

9. “Only hire married people. Singles are too t oo unreliable.”

e. non non-En -Englis glish-s h-spea peakin king g f. pr pre egn gna ancy g. re reli ligio gious us belie beliefs fs

______ 10. “He can’t understand you, so say whatever you want. want.” ”


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Self-Check 1 1. T rue 2. False 3. False 4. False 5. T rue 6. False

Self-Check 2 1. Any fiv five e of the fol followi lowing: ng: • Cr Crit itic iciz izin ing g • Na Name me-c -cal alli ling ng • Di Diag agno nosi sin ng • Pr Prais aisin ing g evalua evaluativ tivel ely y • Orde derrin ing g • Th Thre reat aten enin ing g • Mo Mora rali lizi zin ng • “Bu “Bully lly”” quest question ionin ing g • Un Unwe welco lcome me ad advis visin ing g • Div Diver ertin ting g atte attent ntion ion • Log Logical ical argum argument entati ation on prematur prematurely ely • Fa Fals lse e reass reassur urin ing g 2. • Listen attent attentively ively to to those who speak speak correct correct English. English. • Imitat Imitate e a favorite favorite radio radio or televis television ion announce announcerr. • Lis Listen ten to to recordin recordings gs of popula popularr books. books. • Acqu Acquire ire the the dict diction ionary ary hab habit. it.

A n s w e r s

3. Sel Self-c f-chec heck k your your answ answers ers..

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Self-Check 3 1. Stereotypin Stereotyping g unfairly unfairly groups groups people togeth together er and doesn’t doesn’t take individual differences into account. 2. Any fiv five e of the foll followin owing: g: • Be sensiti sensitive ve to to your your coworke coworkers’ rs’ feelin feelings gs • Adjust your attitude attitude so you can can cooperate cooperate with with fellow fellow employees. • Show interest interest in other other people—but people—but not to the point point of gossiping. • Express apprecia appreciation. tion. If someone someone assists assists you you in some some way, show that you’re grateful for the help. • Be cou courte rteous ous to eve everyo ryone. ne. • Be open open to to new ide ideas as and and concept concepts. s. • Keep commun communication ication lines open among all staff staff members. • Be honest honest with with yours yourself elf and and others others.. • Keep the the private private busines business s revealed revealed to to you by your your coworkers to yourself. • If you have a critic criticism ism of an an employee, employee, take take it directly directly to that person rather than complaining to everyone or spreading rumors. Don’t do it in front of others either, but set a convenient, private time and place to discuss things. • If misundersta misunderstandings ndings occur occur,, clear them them up as soon soon as possible. • Admi Admitt your mist mistake akes s and learn learn from from them. them. • Accept constr constructive uctive critic criticism ism graciously graciously and with with an open mind. • Be open to taking taking work problems problems to a mediato mediatorr or objective third party if needed.

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Self-Check Answers

• When you you talk to to your cowor coworkers kers about about a proble problem, m, remember to have a dialogue, not a debate. The goal isn’t to win but to get the issue resolved. 3. Any thr three ee of the foll followin owing: g: • Be hon hone est st.. • Be pu punc nctu tual al.. • Be re reli liab able le.. • Be hel helpf pful ul to to othe others rs.. • Be tru trust stwo wort rthy hy.. • Av Avoi oid d goss gossip ip.. • Dr Dress ess appr appropr opriat iately ely.. • Be Beha have ve ma matu ture rely ly.. 4. b 5. f 6. g 7. a 8. d 9. c 10 . e

Self-Check Answers

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Interpersonal Communication Skills

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