Inspector Matadeen On The Moon satires by Harishankar Parsai Translated by C N Naim
Contents Intro duction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
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Insp ector Matadeen on the Mo on . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
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A Ten Day Fast . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18 Contesting an an El Election in in Bi Bihar . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25 Po or Trishanku . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
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The Twenty Ei Eighth Ta Tale of of th the Vetal . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 39 Family Planning . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43 The First Bridge . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48 Gentlemen, Co Conmen an and Co Congressmen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 52 When the Soul Cries Out . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
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Mufat La Lal Go Go es Fo For An An In Interview . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 61 Honouring the Sahab . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 67 The Pr Prospec pectus of of a Pr Propos posed Pr Private Co College . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 71 Iti Shri Researchayah . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
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A Journey with a Premi . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 79 Bholaram’s Soul . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 84
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Tiny Tales . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
The Right Punishment The Right Medicine . . A Boy of Destiny . . . Caste . . . . . . . . . The effigy . . . . . . . The sorrow . . . . . .
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89 89 90 90 91 91
A Fast Unto Death . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 93 Pulled Down Lamp Posts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 98 Shivering Re Republic . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10 101 Divine Lunatic Mission . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 105 The Days of Ga Gardish . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 108 Biographical No Notes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11 114
Introduction Modern Hindi prose had its beginnings in the 1870s. Bharatendu Bharatendu HarishchanHarishchandra (d. 1885), 1885), the father father of almost almost everyt everythin hingg modern modern in Hindi, Hindi, also also develdeveloped the language as an effective vehicle for humour and satire. He directed his barbs not merely at the hypocrisy of his fellow countrymen but also at the English misrule, thus setting the path for all future satirists in Hindi. Politics and society became the two most popular — and deserving — targets. Of course, these two topics also found favour with all serious writers in Hindi, just as many of them found some form of humour to be not only effective but often inevitable in the course of their predominantly non-satirical writings. Premchand, for example, had much success with his satirical series Mote Ram and even had to face serious legal trouble on its account. Post-Independence Hindi witnessed an explosion of satirical writing. Par ninda sukh or schadenfreude being the staple in any beleaguered society, satire flourished in Hindi as never before. Magazines and newspapers carried regular satirical columns, and there was no dearth of satirical stories and even novels. Writers like Shrilal Shukla, Sharad Joshi, Manohar Shyam Joshi, Mudra Rakshas, Gopal Chaturvedi, Sudhish Pachauri, Prem Janamejaya and Latif Ghonghi — led by Harishankar Parsai — helped Hindi satire attain its full stature as a valid literary genre. No writer is perhaps so inseparably identified with his chosen genre in Hindi literature literature as is Harishankar Harishankar Parsai with satire. But his earliest writings were in that pathos-arousing idealistic mode that was so characteristic of Hindi writers — mostly from the lower middle class — who took to writing after after 1947. 1947. His His first book, book, Hanste Hain Rote Hain (We Laugh, We Cry), published published in the early fifties, was a collection collection of heart-wrenchi heart-wrenching ng short stories based based on the trials trials of his adolescen adolescentt life. By then, he had come under the influence of the so called “radical socialists” — led by Acharya Narendra Devi, Jayaprakash Narayan, Ram Manohar Lohia, and others — who had brok broken away away from from the the Con Congre gress ss led by Nehru. Nehru. Tho Though ugh he soon soon became became disenchanted with them due to their negativism after their abject electoral defeats. That experience also cured him of his romantic idealism. He became
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an ardent Marxist and continued to remain one, the dissolution of the Soviet Union notwithstanding. But Parsai Parsai wa wass neither neither a demagogu demagoguee nor a blink blinkered ered theoretici theoretician. an. The roots of his commitment did not lie in Das Kapital but in his bitter experiences in our caste and class ridden society. society. As the barely adolescent breadwinner of his orphaned family and the surrogate father to his two unmarried sisters, Parsai experienced first hand the hypocritical morass of contradictions that Hinduism could degenerate into. A significant but often overlooked fact in Parsai’s biography is that he gave up his very first job in the forest department, thus refusing to make a fortune by conniving with the rapists of India’s ecology, and chose instead stead to become become a humbl umblee schoo schooll teac teache her. r. In the classr classroom oom he came came face face to face face with with the overwh overwhelm elmingl ingly y povert poverty y ridden ridden “future “future”” of India. On the larger national scene he saw the comparatively painlessly won freedom being gradually gnawed away by a more predatory class of native masters — corrupt bureaucrats, avaricious politicians, amoral businessmen, rapacious contractors, permit-brokers and middlemen, smugglers and mafia dons, and the much worse purveyors of linguistic, regional and caste hatreds and the fundamentalist fascists of various faiths. It was this milieu that made Parsai opt for satire as his literary forte and weapon. But he had little patience for literary niceties, even of the socialistrealist realist kind. Whatev Whatever er he wrote wrote had to be direct, direct, unambigu unambiguous ous and bold. His friendship with the great poet and critic Gajanan Madhav Muktibodh (d. 1964) 1964) further further strengthe strengthened ned him in his socio-pol socio-politi itical cal commitme commitment nt.. By the mid-fifties, Parsai had gained enough reputation and self-confidence to launch — with considerable help from friends — a literary magazine, VaJabalpur. r. Thou Though gh it attracte attracted d wide wide attent attention ion and signifi significan cantt sudha , from Jabalpu contributors, it had to be discontinued after three years for want of financial cial suppor support. t. Meanw Meanwhi hile le,, the growi growing ng pu punge ngenc ncy y — and and pop popul ulari arity ty — of Parsai’s writings were posing a serious problem to him, a teacher and a government servant venting his spleen at everything that was venerated in the body politic. He then took a decision — undreamt of in those days of acute unemployment and fraught with risks even in this era of an apparent media boom. He resigned resigned from his teachin teachingg job to become become a freelanc freelancee writer, writer, and remained one till his dying day. It was only in 1985, when his scattered writings in books and newspapers were collected in six volumes running into nearly two thousand and five hundred pages of demi octavo size, that the astounding dimensions of Portal’s oeuvre revealed themselves. Very few authors in Hindi have been so honoured in their life and Parsai, characteristically, made some fun of himself and the book’s editors in a prefatorial note to the Rachnavali . That collection, which 5
Introduction
Harishankar Parsai
was not definitive even then, was left far behind by Parsai’s prolific pen. Though illness and age took their toll, there was no stopping Parsai in his iconoclasm, iconoclasm, boldness b oldness and subversion. subversion. The only concession he seemed to have have made to age was to write memoirs of several of his friends and acquaintances and some autobiographical pieces published in two volumes. But in his later book, with its provocatively ambiguous title Aisa Bhi Socha Jata Hai (It is Thought This Way Too), he offers yet again an assortment of essays on politics, culture, society and even literature, but almost none without some homage to his muse of satire. What is the key to Parsai’s popular and critical success? First of all, he wrote mainly about the middle and the lower-middle classes of our urban society and their social and politica p oliticall vagaries. vagaries. In this, he often did not spare even the so called common man. He wrote about concrete things ands events, events, with barely any theorizing, but abounding in pithy observations. No ideology but a solid human commonsense pervaded his writings. Almost single-handedly, Parsai rescued Hindi humour from the vulgarities of the basically male chauvinistic “domestic” situations, the cruel burlesque of physical deformities or failings, failings, the not-so-subtle not-so-subtle caste or community community stereotypes, stereotypes, and the malicious caricatu caricature re of lingui linguistic stic or regional regional traits. traits. On the other hand, he freely freely used fantasy, folk tale, a pseudo-puranic style, epistolary mode, Socratic interrogation, cliches, jargon and demagoguery, plain narrative, the hyperbolic and the absurd — all types of literary modes in various combinations and permutations. Most importantly, Parsai’s language was almost totally innocent of superfluity — each word, sentence and paragraph was honed to perfection for its desired effect. Though Parsai had in him elements of the divine jester mendicant Narada, he also combined in himself the much feared Durvasa and the systematic “realist” Chanakya. He had the compassion of the Buddha too, and revived in Hindi the great reform tradition as imitated by such saint poets as Kabir and Tukaram. I may also add that to my mind no writer before him brought to Hindi Hindi the elem elemen entt of a Socrati Socraticc inqu inquir iry y. If the Greek Greek gurus gurus address addressed ed their acolytes in the open spaces of Athens, Parsai spoke to his millions of followers through newspaper columns — in the sixties and seventies, in the fiercely independent independent column Kahat Kabir (Says Kabir) in the Hindi daily Nai Duniya and later, in the daily Deshbandhu in his iconoclastic Answers to the Readers’ Questions. Since he missed no opportunity to lampoon and expose religious fanaticism and obscurantism, he often had to face threats of “dire consequences” and was at least once physically assaulted by fundamentalist goons. But undaunted, undaunted, Parsai continu continued ed his crusade with the same vigour. Almost the entire community of Hindi writers was behind him, just as it was his fearless pen that had inspired and strengthened them. 6
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What is being offered here only fractionally represents Parsai, but it is a sampling sampling that should should whet the appetite appetite for more. It is perha p erhaps ps the first anthology from a major Hindi satirist in English. and its validity lies in the apt selections and enjoyable translations. It was an honour undeserved and inadequately vindicated for me to be asked to write an introduction. It did, however, give me an opportunity to repay, howsoever poorly, a debt to this indisput indisputed ed master, master, a debt that many many like me in Hindi Hindi feel we owe him. It is a painful paradox that Parsai’s writings have acquired more relevance in the recent years as communal, caste and other socio-political tensions have continued to get worse. But to most of his readers in Hindi, Parsai was the Indian Vulcan and his unflinching prose a roaring furnace, wherein he forged the conscience of our age. Vishnu Khare1
1
This This book is a revise revised d versi version on of Inspect Inspector or Matade Matadeen en on the Moon, publis published hed by Manas, an imprint of Affiliated East-West Press Private Limited, Chennai in 1994.
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Inspector Matadeen on the Moon Scienti Scientists sts say there is no life life on the moon. But the senior inspector, inspector, Matadeen, known in the department as MD Saab, says, “The scientists lie. There are men, just like us, on the other side of the moon.” Science has always lost out to Inspector Matadeen. Let experts argue till they are hoarse that the prints on the dagger do not match the fingerprints of the accused, Inspector Matadeen will still manage to put his man behind bars. Matadeen Matadeen says, says, “Th “These ese scient scientist ists, s, they never never inve investig stigate ate a case thorthoroughly oughly.. Just Just because because they can see only only the bright bright side side of the moon they’ve they’ve declared there’s no life on it. I’ve been to the dark side. There are men living there.” Thatt has to be Tha b e true. When it comes to dark sides, Inspector Inspector Matadeen Matadeen is the recogni recognized zed expert expert . . . But, you might ask, why did he go to the moon? As a tourist? To catch a fugitive? No. He went under the Cultura Culturall Exchang Exchangee Scheme Scheme,, to represen representt India. India. The Government of Moon wrote to the Government of India, “We are an advance advanced d civili civilizati zation, on, but our police force force is still not good enough. enough. They They often fail to catch or punish criminals. We understand you have established Ram Rajya in your your country country.. Please Please send one of your police officers officers to give give our men proper training.” The home minister told the home secretary, “Send some IG.” He replied, replied, “Sir, we cannot cannot send an inspecto inspectorr general. general. It’s a matter of protocol. protocol. Moon is only a small small satellit satellitee of Earth. We cannot send someone someone of too high a rank there. Let me depute some senior inspector.” And so they chose Inspector Matadeen, the investigating investigating officer of a thousand and one cases, and the Moon Government was asked to send an earthship to fetch him. Meanwhile Meanwhile the home minister sent for Inspector Matadeen. “You’re “You’re going
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there.” there.” he said. “to represen representt the gloriou gloriouss traditions traditions of the Indian Indian Police. Police. Make Make sure sure you you do a good job. Make Make the universe universe applaud applaud our departme department, nt, so that even the prime minister hears about us.” On the appoint appointed ed day, day, an earth-ship earth-ship arrived arrived from Moon. Biddin Biddingg everyone eryone goodby goo dbye, e, Inspector Matadeen started walking walking towards the ship. He was chanting a chaupai under his breath — “Pravisi nagara kijai sab kajaa, hriday hridaya a rakhi rakhi kausalp kausalpur ur raja raja . . . ”1
On reaching the ship, Inspector Matadeen suddenly suddenly called out to his clerk Munshi Abdul Ghafoor. “Munshi!” Abdul Ghafoor clicked his heels, saluted, and said, “Yes, Pectsa,” “Did you remember to pack some FIR forms?” “Yes, Pectsa.” “And a blank copy of the Daily Record Register?” “Yes, Pectsa.” Inspector Matadeen then sent for Havaldar Balbhaddar and said to him, “When it’s time for delivery in our house, send your bed to lend a hand.2 ” Balbhaddar replied. “Yes. Pectsa” “You needn’t worry. Pectsa,” Abdul Ghafoor added. “I’ll send my house too.” Inspecto Inspectorr Matadeen Matadeen then turned to the pilot. “You “You have have your driver’ driver’ss licence?” “Yes sir.” “And your headlights work?” “Yes sir.” “They’d better,” growled Inspector Matadeen to his men, “otherwise I’ll challan the bastard mid-space.” The pilot overheard him and said, “In our country, we don’t talk to people in this manner.” “I know, I know,” Inspector Matadeen sneered, “no wonder your police is so weak-kneed. But I’ll kick them into shape soon enough.” He had placed one foot inside the earth ship’s door when Havaldar Ram Sanjiv Sanjivan an came running. running. “P “Pects ectsa.” a.” he said. “the house house of SP Saab asks you to bring her a heel-polishing stone from the moon.” Inspector Matadeen was delighted. delighted. “T “Tell ell Bai Saab I’ll definitely definitely get her one.” 1
Pravisi nagara . . . This line is is from a verse verse from Tulsida Tulsidas’s s’s Ramcharitmanas , recited by Lankini, the residing deity of Lanka, inviting Hanuman to enter Lanka reached there in quest of Sita. 2 The words “house” and “bed” in certain strata of soceity, were used loosely to refer to the wife.
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Insp ector Matadeen on the Moon
Harishankar Parsai
Finall Finally y he climbed climbed in and took his seat and the earth-sh earth-ship ip took off. It had barely crossed the earth’s atmosphere atmosphere when Inspector Matadeen shouted to the pilot, “Ab´e, e, why aren’t aren ’t you honking?” ho nking?” “There’s nothing for millions of miles!” the-pilot replied. “But “But a rule rule is a rule,” rule,” Inspector Inspector Matadeen Matadeen snarled snarled.. “Keep, “Keep, your thumb thumb down on the horn.” The pilot pressed the horn, and kept it pressed all the way till they arrived on Moon. Senior officers of Moon Police had come to receive Inspector Matadeen. He swag swagger gered ed out of the the earth earth-s -shi hip p and and ran an eye eye over over their their shoul shoulder der-patc patche hes. s. None None had a star star on it, it, or even even a ribbo ribbon. n. Inspe Inspect ctor or Matad Matadee een n decid decided ed it wasn’t asn’t neces necessar sary y to clic click k his his heels heels or salu salute. te. He also also thoug thought ht,, After all, I’m now a Special Advisor, not just an inspector. The welcome party took him to the local Police Lines and put him up in a fine bungalow. After a day’s rest, Inspector Matadeen decided to begin his work First he went out to inspect the Police Lines. In the evening he expressed his surprise to the host Inspector General. “There’s no Hanuman temple in your Police Lines! In our Ram Rajya, every Police Lines has its Hanumanji.” The IG asked, “Who is Hanuman? We’ve never heard of him.” Inspector Matadeen explained. “Every policeman must have a daily darshan of Hanumanji. Hanumanji. You see, Hanumanji was was in the Special Branch in Sugriv’s administration. It was he who discovered where Ma Sita was being held forcibl forcibly y. It was a case of abduction abduction — Section Section 362 IPC, you know. know. HanuHanumanji punished Ravan right on the spot — set fire to his entire property. The police must must have have that kind of right. right. They should should be able able to punish punish a criminal as soon as they catch him. No need to get bogged down in courts. But sad to say, we are yet to achieve that in our Ram Rajya. “Anywa “Anyway y, Bhagwan Bhagwan Ram was highly pleased with Hanumanji. Hanumanji. He took him to Ayodhy Ayodhyaa and assigned assigned him the city beat. Tha Thatt same same Hanuma Hanumanji nji is our patron god. Here, I brought his photograph along. Use this to get some figures cast, then have them set up in all the Police Lines.” A few days later, an idol of Hanumanji was enshrined in each and every Police Lines on the moon. In the meantime, Inspector Matadeen began to study how the local police work wo rked. ed. It seemed to him that the Moon Police Police was careless careless and lacked lacked in enthu enthusia siasm, sm, that it showed showed little little concern concern for crime. But the reason reason for this attitude was not apparent. Suddenl Sud denly y, a though thoughtt occurred occurred to Inspecto Inspectorr Matadeen Matadeen.. He sent for the salary register. One glance at it and everything was clear. Now he knew why 10
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the Moon Police behaved the way it did. That evening he reported to the police minister. “Now I know why your men are so lack lackadaisic adaisical. al. You pay them large salaries salaries,, that’s that’s why. why. Five Five hundred to a constable, seven hundred to a havaldar, and a thousand to a thanedar thanedar!! What kind kind of foolishne foolishness ss is this? this? Why Why should your your police try to catch any criminal? In our country, we give the constables just one hundred, and the inspecto inspectors rs two. two. That’s That’s wh why y you you see them running running around catching catching criminals. You must immediately reduce the salaries.” “But that would be highly unfair,” the police minister protested. “Why would they work at all if they are not given good salaries?” Inspector Matadeen replied, “There’s nothing unfair about it. In fact, as soon as the first reduced pay cheques are sent out, you’ll see a revolutionary change in your men’s attitude.” The police minister minister ordered a cut in the salaries. Sure enough, in a couple of months, months, a drastic drastic change change wa wass eviden evident. t. The policemen policemen suddenl suddenly y became became most zealous in their performance. Aroused from sleep, they became doubly alert and kept an eye on everything. There was panic in the criminal world. When the police minister sent for the records kept at the police stations, he was amazed to see that the number of registered cases was several times higher than before. He said to Inspector Matadeen, “I must praise your keen insight. insight. You have brought brought about a revolution! revolution! But do tell me, how it works.” works.” “It’s “It’s very simple, simple,”” Inspector Inspector Matadeen Matadeen explaine explained. d. “If you pay an employee little money, he won’t be able to live on it. No constable can support a family on just one hundred rupees a month, nor can an inspector live with dignity on two hundred. Each will have to make some extra money. And he can do that only if he starts starts catchin catchingg crimina criminals. ls. Immedia Immediatel tely y, he becomes becomes concerned about crime, and turns into an alert and dutiful policeman. policeman. That’s why we have a most efficient police system in our Ram Rajya.” The news of this miracle spread all over the moon. People began to come to look at the man who could reduce reduce salari salaries es and yet yet create create efficiency efficiency.. The policemen policemen were the most happy happy. They They said said to Inspector Inspector Matadeen, Matadeen, “Guru, “Guru, if you hadn hadn’t ’t come we’d we’d have contin continued ued living living on our salarie salariess alone.” alone.” The Moon Government was also delighted, for it could now have a surplus budget. Half the problem was taken care of thus. The police had started catching criminals. Now only the investigative process remained to be reformed — how to get a crimina criminall sentenc sentenced ed after one had caught caught him. him. Inspecto Inspectorr Matadeen Matadeen decided to wait for some major incident so that he could use it as a model to display his special methods. One day, day, some some people people quarrel quarrelled led and one of them got killed. killed. When Inspector Matadeen heard of it, he marched to the police station, sat down at a desk, and declared, “I shall investigate this case to show you how it’s done. 11
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All All of you just watc watch h and learn. learn. Th This is is a murde murderr case. case. An And d in a murder urder case one must have rock solid evidence against the accused.” The station officer said, “Before we start collecting evidence against anyone, shouldn’t we first try to discover who did the killing?” Inspector Matadeen replied, “No, why work backwards? First make sure of your your evid evidenc ence. e. Did Did you find any any blood? blood? On someon someone’ e’ss cloth clothes es or elseelsewhere?” One of the inspectors said, “The assailants ran away while the victim lay dying on the road. A man who lives near the spot picked him up and brought brought him to the hospital. His clothes did have some blood on them.” “Arrest the man immediately.” “But sir,” the station officer remonstrated, “he only tried to help the dying man!” “That may well be true,” explained Inspector Matadeen, “but where else would you now find blood spots? You must grab the evidence which is readily available.” The man wa wass arreste arrested d and brought brought to the police police station. station. He protested, protested, “But I carried the dying man to the hospital! Is that a crime?” The local officers were visibly visibly moved, moved, but not Inspector Inspector Matadeen Matadeen.. Everyone waited to see how he would respond. “But “But wh why y did did you you go where where the the figh fightt occurre occurred? d?”” Inspe Inspecto ctorr Matad Matadeen een asked the man. “I didn’t didn’t go there,” there,” he replied replied.. “I happen to live live there. The fight fight took place right in front of my house.” It was clearly a test of Inspector Matadeen’s genius. He quietly responded, “True, your house is there, but why go where a fight is taking place?” There There could be no answer answer to that questio question. n. The man could only repeat and go on repeating, “I didn’t go there. I live there.” And each time Inspector Matadeen responded, “That is true, but why go where a fight is taking place?” This line of questioning greatly impressed the local officers. Inspector Matadeen settled back and explained his investigative principles. ples. “Look,” “Look,” he said, said, “a man’s man’s been killed. killed. This This means means someone someone definitel definitely y kill killed ed him. Someon Someonee is the murder murderer. er. Someon Someonee has to be convi convicte cted d and punished punished.. You might might ask, who is guilt guilty? y? But, But, for the police, police, that’s that’s not so importan important. t. What is importan importantt is who can be prove proven n guilty guilty or, better better still, still, who should be proven guilty? “A murder has occurred. Eventually, someone will be convicted. It’s not for us to worry worry if it is the actual actual kill killer er or someo someone ne innocen innocent. t. All All human uman beings beings are equal. equal. In each of them is present present a bit of the same god. We don’t discriminate. We’re humanists. 12
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“So the question actually actually is who ought to b e proven proven guilty? guilty? That depends on two things. One, has the man been a nuisance to the police, and two, will his conviction please the men at the top?” Inspector Matadeen was told that though the arrested man was otherwise otherwise a decent person, he was given to criticizing whenever the police made a mistake. mistake. As for the question of pleasing pleasing the men at the top, the man b elonged to the opposition party. “It’s a first-rate case,” Inspector Matadeen declared, thumping the table. “Rock solid evidence, plus support from the top!” One inspector inspector tried tried to protest. protest. “But we can’t can’t let a decent decent man be convicted of a crime he didn’t commit!” Inspecto Inspectorr Matadeen Matadeen explained explained patien patiently tly,, “Look. “Look. I’ve I’ve already already told told you you that the same god resides in all of us. Whether you convict this man or the actual killer, it is god who will hang. Further, in this instance, you’re getting blood spattered spattered clothes. clothes. Now Now where where wo would uld you find bloodstains bloodstains if you you let him go? Go ahead, file the FIR as I tell you.” Inspector Matadeen dictated the First Information Report leaving a few spaces blank for future needs. Next day, the station officer came to Inspector Matadeen and said, “Gurudev, we’re in deep trouble. Numerous citizens have come to demand, Why are you tryin tryingg to frame frame that that poor innocen innocentt man? man? It has never never been been done done before. before. What What shoul should d we say? say? We feel so ashamed ashamed . . . ” “Don’t worry,” Inspector Matadeen consoled him. “In this job, one always feels feels some some compunct compunction ion in the beginning. beginning. But later you’ll you’ll feel ashamed ashamed for letting innocent people go free. Now understand this, every question has an answer. The next time someone comes to you to question, tell him, We know the man is innocent, but what can we do? Those at the top want it so.” “In that case they’ll go to the SP.” “Let him say, Those at the top want it so.” “Then they’ll complain to the IG.” “He too should say, It’s the men at the top who want it so.” “They’ll then go to the police minister.” “So what? He should say the same thing, Friends, what can I do? Those at the top want it so.” “But the people won’t give up. They’ll go to the PM.” “The PM should respond in the same way, I know he’s innocent but those at the top want it so.” “Then ...” “Then what?” Matadeen stopped him short. “Who can they go to next? To god? But has anyone ever come back after going to god?” 13
Insp ector Matadeen on the Moon
Harishankar Parsai
The station station officer officer remaine remained d silen silent. t. Such Such brillia brilliant nt logic left him dumbdumbfounded. Inspector Matadeen continued, “That one sentence — Those at the top want it so — has always come to the rescue of our government in the last twenty five years. You too should learn it well.” They began to get the case ready for trial. Matadeen ordered, “Bring me a few eyewitnesses.” “How “How can we we do that? that?”” the the station station officer officer asked asked.. “How “How can can there be eyewitnesses when no one saw him kill that man?” Matadeen Matadeen smacke smacked d his head in despair despair.. “God, what fools I have have to deal with! with! They They don’t don’t even even know know the ABC ABC of this this bu busi sine ness ss.” .” Then Then he added added angrily, “Do you know who an eyewitness is? An eyewitness is not someone who actually sees, he’s one who claims that he saw.” “But “But wh why y wo would uld someone someone make such a claim? claim?”” the station station officer protested. “Why not?” thundered Inspector Matadeen. “I can’t see how you people manage to run your department department at all. Arr´ e, e, the police must always always have a ready ready list list of eyewitnes eyewitnesses ses.. When one is needed, needed, you just pick a name from that list and present the person in the court. In our country we have people who eyewitness hundreds of cases every year. Our courts have recognized that these men possess some divine power that lets them foresee the place where some incident is going to happen, allowing them to reach there beforehand. “I’ll get you eyewitnesses. Bring me some bad characters. You know the kind — petty thieves, gamblers, goondas, bootleggers.” Next day, half a dozen fine specimens showed up at the police station. Inspector Inspector Matadeen Matadeen was was delighte delighted. d. It had been b een too long long since he had last last seen seen such such men. men. He had been been lonel lonely y. His His voic voicee melti melting ng with affecti affection, on, he asked them, “You saw that man assault the deceased, didn’t you?” They replied, “No sir, we didn’t see a thing. We weren’t even there.” Inspecto Inspectorr Matadeen Matadeen knew it wa wass the first time time for them. them. He patientl patiently y continued, “I know you weren’t there. But you saw him attack with a lathi, didn’t you?” you?” The men decided they were dealing with a lunatic. Who else would talk such nonsense? They began to laugh. “Don’t laugh!” said Inspector Matadeen sternly. “Answer my question.” They again replied, “How can we say we saw it when we weren’t even there?” Inspecto Inspectorr Matadeen Matadeen lost his temper. “I’ll “I’ll tell you you how,” he snarled. snarled. “I have have here detailed detailed reports on what you fellow fellowss have have been up to. I can have have each each one of you locked locked up for at least ten years. years. Now Now tell me, you you wish to stay in business or would you rather go to jail?” 14
Harishankar Parsai
Insp ector Matadeen on the Moon
The men were were scared out of their their wits. “No sir, sir, we don’t don’t want to go to jail.” “In that case, you saw that fellow beat the victim with a lathi, didn’t you?” “Yes sir, we did. We saw him come out of his house and start hitting the man with a lathi until the poor fellow fell to the ground.” “Good. In future too, you’ll see more such incidents, won’t you?” Matadeen pressed on. “Yes sir. We’ll see what you tell us to.” The station officer was overwhelmed overwhelmed by this miracle. miracle. He couldn’t move move for a few minut minutes. es. Th Then, en, gettin gettingg up from his chair, chair, he threw, threw, hims himsel elff at Inspector Matadeen’s feet. “Here “Here now, now, let let go. Let Let me do my work,” ork,” Inspe Inspecto ctorr Matad Matadeen een remonremonstrated, but the station officer clung to him and kept repeating, “I want to spend the rest of my days at your feet.” In due course, Inspector Matadeen put together the entire dossier and, in the process, taught the local police everything he, knew — how to substitute FIRS, how to leave some pages blank for future use, how to change entries in the Daily Daily Record, Record, how to win over over hostile hostile witnesses witnesses . . . The man he had got arrested was sentenced to twenty years. The Moon Polic The Policee was now now full fully y train trained ed.. Ca Case se after after case wa wass brough broughtt before the courts and, in every every instance, instance, a convic conviction tion was won. won. The Moon Gove Governm rnment ent was delighted. delighted. The Moon Parlia Parliamen mentt passed passed a resolut resolution ion to thank the Government of India. It noted the remarkable efficiency the Moon Police Police had achieve achieved d under under Inspecto Inspectorr Matadeen Matadeen’s ’s guidanc guidance. e. Inspector Inspector Matadeen tadeen was given given a civic civic reception. reception. Co Cove vered red with garlands, garlands, he wa wass taken taken around in a procession in an open jeep. Thousands of people lined the road and shouted shouted his praises. praises. Inspector Inspector Matadeen Matadeen responded responded in the style style of his home minister with folded hands, lowered eyes, full of humility humility. But this was his first time and he felt somewhat somewhat ill at ease. ease. He had never even even dreamt, dreamt, when he had entered the service some twenty six years ago, that one day he would be so honoured on Moon. He wished he had remembered to bring along a dhoti kurta and a Gandhi cap. On Earth, the Indian home minister watched the proceedings on television. “This may be the time for me to make a goodwill visit,” he mused. A few more months passed. Then, suddenly one day, the Moon Parliament met in an emergency session. sion. It was a storm stormy y bu butt secre secrett meeti meeting, ng, and so its report report was not made made publi pub lic. c. We can only offer what was faint faintly ly heard by people people outsi outside de the chamber. The members seemed enraged and could be heard shouting: 15
Insp ector Matadeen on the Moon
Harishankar Parsai
“No one takes care of sick parents!” “No one tries to rescue a drowning child!” “No one helps if a house catches fire” “Men have become worse than animals!” “The governmen governmentt should immediately resign!” “Resign! Resign!” Next Next day day the prime minister minister of Moon sent for Inspector Inspector Matadeen Matadeen.. Inspector Matadeen could see that the prime minister had visibly aged, that he seemed not to have slept for a few nights. He looked quite disconsolate as he said, “Matadeenji, we are extremely grateful to you and to the Government of India but you should go back tomorrow.” “No sir,” Matadeen replied, “I’ll return only after I’ve finished my term here.” “We’ll give you your full term’s salary,” the prime minister said. “Double the amoun amountt . . . triple, triple, if if you wish. wish.”” Inspector Matadeen was polite but firm. “No sir, I’m a man of principles. My work is more dear to me than money.” In the end, the prime minister of Moon sent a confidential letter to the prime minister of India. Four days later, Inspector Matadeen received orders from his IG to return immediate immediately ly.. Pickin Pickingg up a heel-poli heel-polishi shing ng stone stone for the wife wife of his SP SP,, Inspector Matadeen climbed aboard the earth-ship and bade farewell to the moon. The entire Moon Police burst in tears as the earth-ship lifted off. What What happened on Moon that he had to leave leave so suddenly suddenly?? What did the prime prime mini ministe sterr of Moon write write to the the prime prime mini ministe sterr of India? India? Th These ese questions remained unanswered for a long time. Then someone got hold of that confidential letter and made part of it public. Thank you for lending us the services of Inspector Matadeen, but now you must recall him immediately. We had thought India was our friend, but only an enemy could have done what you did to us. We were innocent and trusting, and you deceived us. Ever since Inspector Matadeen has trained our police, things have come to a terrible terrible pass. No one comes to the help of an assault assault victim for fear he might himself be accused. Sons abandon their sick parents, less they be charged with murder. Houses catch fire and burn down, but neighbours don’t help for fear they might be accused of arson. Children drown before people’s eyes but no one comes to their rescue lest they be accused of drowning them. 16
Harishankar Parsai
Insp ector Matadeen on the Moon
All human relations are breaking down. Your man has destroyed almost almost half of our civili civilized zed life. life. If he stays stays around longer longer he’ll destroy the remaining half. Please call him back immediately to your your own own Ram Rajya Rajya . . . 3
3
“Inspector Matadeen on the Moon” was first published in Hindi as “Inspector Matadeen Chand Par” in 1968.
17
A Ten Day Fast 10 January
Today I said to Bannu, “Look here, Bannu, nothing works these days — the parliam parliamen ent, t, the judges, judges, the bureaucracy bureaucracy,, nothing nothing.. Today all major demands mands are gained only through through threats threats of fasts and self-i self-immo mmolati lation. on. Our democracy is twenty years old now and is so finely tuned that the threat of just one man starving or killing himself can seal the fate of millions of people. Now’s the time you too went on an indefinite fast — for that woman.” Bann Bannu u remai remained ned silent silent.. For sixt sixteen een years years he has been after after Radhi Radhik ka Babu’s Babu’s wife, Savitr Savitri. i. Once he even got badly roughed roughed up when he tried tried to drag her away. Bannu can’t get her to leave her husband and live with him because Savitri hates even the sight of his face. Finally, after some thought, Bannu said, “But can one go on a fast over such a matter?” “You “You can fast for anything anything these days,” days,” I replied replied.. “Just “Just recent recently ly Baba Sankidas went on a fast and got a new law passed which requires people to grow long hair but never shampoo. shampoo. Now Now every everyone one has a stinki stinking ng head. Compared to it, your demand is a mere trifle. You only want that woman.” “What’r “What’ree you you talkin talkingg about!” about!” Surendra Surendra,, who had been b een listeni listening ng to us, spoke up. “Go on a fast to grab someone else’s wife? you should be ashamed of yourself. We’ll be the laughing stock of the neighbourhood.” “Look “Look,” ,” I tried tried to expl explai ain, n, “even “even great great sadh sadhus us and sain saints ts didn’ didn’tt feel feel ashamed when they went on a fast, so what’s the big fuss about us common folks? folks? As for peopl peoplee laugh laughin ingg at us, us, they’ they’v ve laugh laughed ed so much much at the Cow Co w Protecti Protection on Movemen Movementt that they can’t laugh any more. Even Even if they were to try, they’d only cry out in pain. In fact, for the next ten years, none will dare to laugh lest he kills himself. “But will it work?” Bannu asked. “That depends on how you set up the issue. If the issu issuee is set up well well you’ you’ll ll get your your woman. oman.”” I then then added, added, “Let’ “Let’ss go to an expert expert and get his advice. advice. Baba Baba Sankida Sankidass is your your man. He has quite a thing thing going these days. days. Right now he has four men fasting under his directions.”
Harishankar Parsai
A Ten Day Fast
We went to Baba Sankidas. After listening to us, he said, “Fine. I’ll take up your case, but do as I tell you.” Then, turning to Bannu, he asked, “Can you threaten to immolate yourself?” Bannu shook with fear. “I’m scared,” he whimpered. “You don’t actually have to burn yourself. Just threaten that you might.” “I can’t even think of it,” Bannu cried. “It scares me to death.” “In that case,” Baba said, “you should go on a fast. As for setting up the issue, leave it to me. I’ll take care of it.” Bannu was still very nervous. “I won’t have to die, will I?” he asked. Baba replied, “Smart people don’t die. They keep one eye on their medical chart, the other on the mediator. But don’t you worry, we won’t let you die. We’ll also get you the woman.” 11 January
Bannu has settled down in a tent for his Fast Unto Death. Incense sticks burn near him, and a group is lustily singing Mahatma Gandhi’s favourite song, Sab ko Sanmati de bhagwan . The atmosphere is very holy, even on this first day. There is no doubt that Baba Sankidas is a master of his art. The Declaration of Principles that he wrote and distributed on Bannu’s behalf is simply simply brillia brilliant nt.. In it Bannu Bannu says, says, “My soul calls calls out to me sayin saying, g, I’m as yet yet only only one half. half. My other half is in Savit Savitri. ri. My soul says, says, Bring the two two halves together and make them one. Or else set me free from this body. I’m starting this fast to bring the two halves of my soul together. I demand that Savitri Savitri should should be given to me. If I don’t don’t get her, I’ll I’ll fast unto death death to let my half half of the soul be rid of this transien transientt body bo dy.. I fear nothing, nothing, for I stand stand for Truth. May Truth be victorious!” Savitri came into the tent, boiling with rage. She said to Baba Sankidas, “The bastard is fasting to get me, isn’t he?” “Devi, “Devi,”” the Baba replied replied gently gently,, “you “you shouldn’t shouldn’t abuse him. His fast is pure. pure. He may have have been a bastard bastard earlier, earlier, but he isn’t isn’t one anymo anymore. re. He’s He’s now on a fast unto death.” “But he should’ve asked me first,” Savitri retorted. “I spit on him.” In his calmest calmest voice voice the Baba said, said, “Devi. you’re you’re merely merely the Issue, Issue, and no one asks the issue in such such matters. matters. Did the Cow Protection Protection Movemen Movementt people people ask the cow before they launched launched their campaign campaign?? You should go home, devi. If you ask my advice, neither you nor your husband should come here any more. In a day or two, once the public opinion is fully formed, some people may not allow for your nasty comments.” Savitri went away, muttering under her breath. Bannu turned gloomy. Baba tried to console him, “Don’t worry. Victory will be yours. In the end, Truth always emerges victorious.” 19
A Ten Day Fast
Harishankar Parsai
13 January
It seems Bannu has little little tolerance tolerance for hu hunger nger.. Today’s oday’s only the third day, but he’s started to moan and groan. He asked me, “Has Jayaprakash Narayan come yet? “He comes comes only only on the fifth fifth day day,” I explain explained, ed, “or on the sixth. sixth. That’s That’s his principle. We have, of course, informed him.” A few minutes later Bannu asked, “What did Vinoba say?” “He made some comments on the relative importance of means and ends,” Baba Baba Sank Sankid idas as repli replied. ed. “But “But with with a littl littlee wo wordrd-tw twis istin ting, g, we can use his his remarks to support our position.” Bannu Bannu closed closed his eyes. eyes. He said, “Bhaiya, “Bhaiya, get Jayapra Jayaprak kash Babu here soon.” Today some journalists came to see us. They asked all sorts of questions. “What caused him to fast?” “Is it a public cause?” “One “One doesn’t doesn’t ask about the cause at this this stage,” stage,” Baba told them. them. “The problem right now is how do we save Bannu’s life. When someone goes on a fast he makes such a sacrifice that any cause becomes pure.” “There “Th ere will be some public benefit benefit too,” I added. “Many “Many of us secretl secretly y wish wish to snatc snatch h other others’ s’ wives wives but don don’t ’t know know wha whatt to do. If Bannu’ Bannu’ss fast fast succeeds, it will show the public the right path to follow.” 14 January
Bannu has become quite weak. He has been threatening to end the fast. Thatt wo Tha woul uld d be a disa disaste ster. r. Baba Baba Sankid Sankidas as had to spend spend a lot lot of time convincing him. Today the Baba did another amazing thing. He had a statement published in the papers papers by some Swami Swami Rasanan Rasanand. d. The swami swami has declared, declared, “I have have performed performed many many ascetic ascetic acts. Tho Those se acts have have given me the pow p ower er to see both the past and the future. I have discovered that Bannu was a sage in his previou previouss life, life, and that Savit Savitri ri was his wife. wife. In that life, life, Bannu Bannu’s ’s name wa wass Rishi Vanaman Vanamanus. us. Now, Now, after three thousand years, years, he has again taken the body of a man. He and Savitri Savitri had sacred marital marital ties in all their their previou previouss births. births. lt’s lt’s a terribl terriblee sin that a sage’s sage’s wife should should now live live in the house of an ordinary man like Radhika Radhika Prasad. I plead to all Dharma-lovi Dharma-loving ng people that they shouldn’t let this sinful state continue any further.” Swamiji’s statement has had good effect. Some people came to our camp, shouting, “Victory to Dharma!” Another large group went to Radhika Babu’s house hou se and shouted shouted,, “Radh “Radhik ikaa Prasa Prasad d is a sinn sinner! er!”” “May “May the sinner sinner soon soon perish!” “Victory to Dharma!” Swamiji also arranged to have prayers said in several temples for saving Bannu’s life. 20
Harishankar Parsai
A Ten Day Fast
15 January
Last night someone someone threw rocks ro cks at Radhika Radhika Babu’s house. Public opinion opinion has crystal crystalli lized zed.. These These are are some some of the remark remarkss our spies spies heard heard around around the city city — “Poor Bannu! Bannu! He’s He’s been without without food for five days!” days!” “I really really admire admire his determinat determination ion.” .” “But that cruel cruel wo woman man hasn’t softened softened at all.” all.” “Look at her husband, what a shameless man!” “I hear Bannu was a sage in his previous birth.” “Why, “Why, didn’t you read Swami Rasanand’s statement?” statement?” “They say it’s a great sin to keep a sage’s wife as your own.” Today eleven virtuous, married women came and performed aarti to honour Bannu. Bannu. Bannu Bannu was delight delighted. ed. Whenev Whenever er he sees a virtuou virtuous, s, married married woman, his heart leaps with joy. The newspapers are full of news of the fast. Today we sent a small crowd to the prime minister’s residence, to appeal to him to interfere interfere in the matter matter and save save Bannu’s Bannu’s life. life. The PM refused refused to meet them. (Well, we’ll see about that.) Jayaprak Jayaprakash ash Narayan Narayan arrived this evening. He was rather severe. severe. “How many many liv lives must ust I save save?” ?” he asked asked cross crossly ly.. “Is that my profes professi sion on now? now? Every Every other day someone someone starts starts a fast, fast, then shouts shouts Save Save me. If you want want your life saved, saved, why not eat something? You don’t need a mediator to save save your life. Such nonsense! Now they’re using the virtuous means of a fast to grab another man’s wife!” We explained to him, “This is a different kind of issue. It’s Bannu’s soul that has cried out.” Jayaprakash Narayan calmed down and said, “If it’s a cry of his soul then I’ll willingly lend a hand.” “And the unanimous voice of millions of devout people has also joined it,” I added. Jaya Jayaprak prakash ash Babu agreed agreed to mediate mediate.. He’ll He’ll first talk talk to Savit Savitri ri and her husband, then he’ll go to see the PM. All the while, Bannu gazed at Jayaprakash Babu with abject, grateful eyes. Later we chided him “You bastard, don’t look so pathetic. If one our of the leaders catches on to you, he’ll immediately offer you a glass of orange juice. juice. Don Don’t ’t you see so many of them are hanging hanging around around your tent, tent, their their shoulder bags bulging with oranges?” 16 January
Jaya Jayaprak prakash ash Babu has failed failed in his mission mission.. No one is willing willing to agree. agree. The PM said, “We sympathize with Bannu, but there’s nothing we can do. Get him to break his fast first, then we’ll have talks to find a solution.” We were disappointed. 21
A Ten Day Fast
Harishankar Parsai
But not Baba Sankidas. He said, “At first everyone rejects the demand. That’s That’s the conve conventi ntion. on. We must must now expand our struggle struggle.. We should should put in the papers that there was much acetone in Bannu’s urine today, that his deterior deterioratin atingg conditi condition on is causing causing great great anxiet anxiety y. Other Other stateme statements nts should also also appear appear demandi demanding ng that Bannu’s Bannu’s life must must be save saved d at any cost. cost. Why Why isn’t isn’t the gove governm rnmen entt doing doing anyth anything? ing? It should should immediatel immediately y take take steps steps to save Bannu’s precious life.” The Baba is simply amazing. Who knows what schemes are tucked away inside his head! He continued, “The time has come to inject the issue of caste in our campaign. campaign. Bannu Bannu is a brahmin, Radhik Radhika Prasad is a kayasth. ayasth. Some people should work on the brahmins, others on the kayasths. I understand the head of the Brahmin Sabha plans to stand in the next general elections. Someone should explain to him that this might be his big chance to get all the brahmin votes.” A reque request st came came today today from Radhi Radhik ka Babu. Babu. He wanted wanted Bannu Bannu to let let Savitri tie a rakhi on his wrist and thus make him her brother. We rejected the offer. 17 January
The headlines headlines today were — “Save “Save Bannu’s Bannu’s life.” life.” “Bannu “Bannu’s ’s conditi condition on causes anxiety.” “Prayers said in temples to save Bannu’s life.” In one paper we had the following advertisement put in. Millions of Virtuous People Demand Bannu’s Life Must be Saved Horrible Consequences if Bannu Dies The president of the Brahmin Sabha has issued a statement. He sees the situation as a challenge to the honour of all brahmins, and threatens to take Direct Action. We hav have hired hired four four local local goondas goondas.. Tonigh onightt they’ they’ll ll throw throw rocks rocks into into kayasth ayasth homes. Afterwards, Afterwards, they’ll go to the brahmin neighbourhood neighbourhood and do the same there. Bannu had to pay them in advance. Baba thinks that by tomorrow or the day after we should make the authorities impose a curfew. Or at least make them impose Section 144 of the Indian Penal Code. Baba says that will make our case stronger. 18 January
Last night stones were thrown into brahmin and kayasth homes. In the morning there was a pitched battle between several group of the two castes who freely threw stones at each other. 22
Harishankar Parsai
A Ten Day Fast
Section 144, restricting public assembly, has now been imposed on the entire city. The city is tense. A delegation of our representatives representatives met the prime minister. He told them, “There are legal problems here. This may require some changes in our marriage laws.” “Then “Th en you you should should make make the changes. changes. Or, bette b etterr still, still, issue ordinance, ordinance,”” we replied. “If Bannu dies the entire country will go up in flames.” He said, “First get him to end the fast.” “No, the government should first accept the principle of his demand and set up a committee,” committee,” we countered. countered. “That committee committee could then find some way for this man to get his woman.” The government government is watching the situation carefully. carefully. Bannu Bannu will have have to suffer some more. The matter is at a standstill. The talks are at a deadlock. Small skirmishes continue. Last Last night night we had had some some rocks rocks thrown thrown at the police police statio station. n. Tha Thatt had satisfactory satisfactory results. The slogan “Save the Life” is now being heard much louder. 19 January
Bannu Bannu has becom b ecomee extreme extremely ly weak. weak. He’s He’s scared scared he might might die. He raves raves that we’ve led him into a trap. We’re worried. If he issues a statement we’ll all be exposed. We must must do somethi something ng soon. We have have warned warned Bannu that if he were to break his fast now, when nothing’s been gained, the public will lynch him. Our delegation is to see the PM again. 20 January
“Deadlock!” the headlines screamed. Only one bus could be burned today. Bannu is in a very bad shape. We issued a statement on his behalf, “I may die but I shall not retreat.” The government too seems rather worried. Today the All India Sadhu Sabha endorsed our demand. The Brahmin Sabha has issued an ultimatum — “If the demand is not met, ten brahmins will immolate themselves.” Savitri tried to commit suicide but was saved. There is a constant line of people outside who want to have Bannu’s darshan. A telegram has been sent to the secretary general of the United Nations. Prayer meetings are being held all over the country. 23
A Ten Day Fast
Harishankar Parsai
Dr Ram Manohar Lohia, the socialist leader, has issued a statement, “So long as the present government remains in power, no just demand of the people people can be expected expected to be met. met. We suggest suggest that instead of going after after Savitri, Bannu ought to run away with the government itself.” 21 January
The government government has accepted Bannu’s demand in principle. A committee has been set up to resolve procedural problems. Amidst loud singing of bhajans and prayers, Baba Sankidas offered a glass of orange juice to Bannu. Bannu. Baba Baba declared declared,, “In a democracy democracy public public opinion opinion has to be respected. This issue involved the sentiment of millions of people. It’s good that it was resolved peacefully, otherwise, a violent revolution could have taken place.” The man from the Brahmin Sabha has made a deal with Bannu. Bannu will campaign on his behalf in the next general elections. He has also given Bannu plenty of money. Bannu’s price has gone up. To the hundreds of men and women who come to touch his feet in adoratio ration, n, Bann Bannu u says says,, “What “What happene happened d wa wass god’s god’s wish. wish. I was merely merely his medium.” People are shouting — “Victory to Truth!” “Victory to Dharma!”1
1
“A Ten Day Fast” was originally published in Hindi as “Das Din ka Anshan” in 1966.
24
Contesting an Election in Bihar Dear readers, I’m not the Harishankar who used to write satires. My name, residenc residence, e, actions, actions, have have all changed. changed. I have have shifted to polit politic ics. s. As I tour tour through Bihar, I’m preparing to contest in the mid term elections. Now I call myself Babu Harishankar Narain Prasad Singh. You’ll remember that, won’t you? You won’t forget? And please please don’t laugh at my new way of speaking. speaking. I’ve I’ve just just started started to learn the pure language. I speak the best I can. After all, I’m a new man 1 . I’ve come to Bihar in response to the outcry raised by the people of Bihar. How the outcry of a people reaches the ears of politicians, I can’t tell you. It’s a trade secret. The people’s outcry can sometimes be like the bleating of a lamb. It calls for its mother but instead gets a wolf. In fact, even if the lamb stays quiet, the wolf comes anyway anyway. It says, “You “You called for me?” The lamb says, “No, I didn’t didn’t even open my mouth.” mouth.” The wolf wolf replies replies,, “Then “Then I must must have have heard heard the silent cry of your heart.” The people of Bihar might say to me, “We “We didn’t call you. We don’t want you to be the agent of our salvation. Why are you so bent upon doing us a favour?” I’ll respond, “Even in faraway Madhya Pradesh, I heard the silent cries of your hearts. Since they are not having mid term elections there, I’m unable to serve the people of Madhya Madhya Pradesh. Pradesh. And I can’t can’t live live if I’m not serving serving the people. If you won’t won’t accept my services, I shall force my services services on you.” And it’s not just me. Bhagwan Sri Krishna himself has come to Bihar, to serve and save its people — the flood driven, drought stricken, disease ridden people of Bihar. A people also dying from famine. One day I ran into Bhagwan Krishna. I immediately recognized him. His peacock feathers, yellow garments and flute were unmistakable. I asked, “You’re Bhagwan Krishna, aren’t you?” 1
The author is referring to pure language here as the first few paragraphs of this story are set in a local dialect used in Bihar, and not in standard Hindi.
Contesting an Election in Bihar
Harishankar Parsai
He replied, replied, “Yes, “Yes, the same. same. Howe Howeve ver, r, now now my name is Bhagw Bhagwan an Babu Babu Krishna Narain Prasad Singh. You can also call me Krishna Babu.” I said, “Bhagwan, have you come to lead the Cow Protection Movement? The elections elections are close, close, so the cows must must be protecte protected. d. I guess guess you’l you’lll easily get into politics through the Protect the Cow agitation.” “No, “No, I have haven’t n’t come for that,” that,” Krishn Krishnaa replied replied.. “The Cow Protectio Protection n Movemen Movementt is for the general general elections. elections. In a small, small, mid term electio election, n, one can manage fairly fairly well with with even even a move movemen mentt to protect mice. mice. But that’s that’s something that might interest Ganeshji. It doesn’t interest me.” I said, “Then you must have been invited by Ramsevak Yadav — to make sure of the Yadav vote.” That annoyed the bhagwan. He said, “Let me speak too. I came because the people of Bihar cried out to me.” “You “You must have have misunde misunderstood, rstood,”” I said. said. “They “They were were the supporters supporters of Shri Krishnavallabh Sahai, and they were loudly shouting his name to make sure it was heard by the Congress High Command in Delhi. So he could get the ticket. You thought they were calling you.” “No,” “No,” Krishna Krishna retorted, retorted, “I heard with my own ears. The people were were sayin saying, g, Bhagwan, Bhagwan, you’re you’re our only recourse. recourse. Only Only you can save save us now. now. It was this distressful cry that made me come here.” Well, ell, that’s that’s poss p ossibl iblee too. After After the fourth general general electio elections, ns, only god’s power pow er has remai remaine ned d firm. firm. For in Bihar, Bihar, by the time time its afflic afflicted ted people people would appeal to the government in Patna, there would be a reshuffle and a new government would come into power. Perhaps in desperation the people appealed to the only stable government, that of bhagwan. I said said,, “It’ “It’ss good good that that you you came came.. What What do you inte intend nd to do now?” now?” He said, “My three point programme is well-known — Protect the sadhus2 , destroy the sinners, and establish dharma.” “Any economic programmes, et cetera?” I asked. “No, only the three point programme.” I asked, “Did you come across any sadhu among the local politicians?” “Not one.” “And non-sadhus?” “None. Here everyone calls himself sadhu, and others non-sadhu. I’m not sure whom I should destroy.” Just then I realized that he didn’t have with him his unique weapon, the sudarsha sudarshan n chakra chakra.. How How was he to do any any destruction destruction then? then? When I asked, asked, Sri Krishna Krishna replied replied,, “It’s “It’s at home. home. I don’t have have a licence licence for it. An Anyw yway ay,, they have already enforced Section 144 of the Indian Penal Code here.” 2
Sadhu here refers to honest and good men.
26
Harishankar Parsai
Contesting an Election in Bihar
I explained to him, “Bhagwan, even if you had a licence for the chakra, you would still get convicted under Section 302 if you killed someone.” Kris Krishn hnaa look looked a bit bit pertur perturbed bed.. “In “In that that case, case, how how will will I establ establis ish h dharma?” “It’s being established through communal riots,” I explained. “You throw a bone into a temple and get a riot going in the name of the Hindu dharma. These days, dharma is used only to start riots. Your ideas are too old. What we’re doing now is for only one purpose — save the sinners.” I continued, “You can’t uplift the people without elbowing yourself into our parliamentary democracy. You should contest for a seat and become the chief minister of this state. Then send for Rukminiji too. That way, if you’d inaugurate a tournament she’d distribute the prizes. One pair of Lotus-feet will serve two purposes.” It was with great difficulty that I could push democracy down the throat of his feudal feudal values values.. Compare Compared d to him, the maharaja of Darbhan Darbhanga, ga, Babu Kamakhya Narain Singh, had become a democrat in no time at all. I had somethi something ng to gain gain in getting getting Krishna Krishna to contes contestt the election elections. s. I was myself a new entrant in politics. It was essential that I first become the chamc chamcha ha of someone someone importan important. t. A dada needs needs a chamc chamcha ha and a chamc chamcha ha needs a dada3 . When When the the dad dadaa becom becomes es the chief chief mini minist ster, er, the the chamc chamcha ha gets gets to be his his home home ministe minister. r. I though thought, t, since since some some peopl peoplee hav have got got the Shankaracharya to side with them, I should link up with Bhagwan Krishna himself. We decided that we must first mould public opinion in our favour and only then start negotiations with the political parties. And so we set out to meet the public. public. I became his chamcha. chamcha. I’d say a few words words to introduce introduce him, then stay silent the rest of the time. I was fully confident that someone who could, through arguments, arguments, make an unwilling unwilling Arjun plunge into a battle, will have no trouble reasoning with people and getting them to side with him. But graduall gradually y I began to feel anxious. anxious. Krishna Krishna didn’t didn’t seem to be getting getting anywhere. We talked talked to some people active active in politics. politics. Krishna Krishna told them that he was contesting an election. They said, “Of course. Why shouldn’t you? You are bhagwan. bhagwan. People People sing bhajans to you, even worshi worship p you. They talk of you all the time. Your photos are sold everywhere. If you won’t contest the election, who will? After all, you’re a yadav, aren’t you?” Krishna said, “I’m god. I don’t have a caste.” They said, “Look, sir, being god won’t do you any good around here. No one will vote for you. How do you expect to win if you won’t maintain your 3
Dada, literally a hoodlum, here refers to a patron and chamcha is his yes-man.
27
Contesting an Election in Bihar
Harishankar Parsai
caste?” This got us worried. Bhumihar, kayasth, kshatriya, yadav — one had to be one of these first, only then could one be a Congressite, a Socialist, or a Communi Communist. st. Clearly Clearly,, Krishna Krishna had to be a yada yadav v first. first. After After that, it didn’t didn’t matter even if he became a Marxist. Kris Krishn hnaa wa wass soon soon fed up with with this castei casteism sm.. He said, said, “T “They hey are all backw backward ard people. Let’s Let’s go to the unive universi rsities ties.. We should should seek the support support of the educated to remove this evil from its very roots.” In one universi university ty,, we talked talked to a professo professorr of Po Polit litica icall Science. Science. He was frank with us. “I’m a kayasth and so I’ll support only a kayasth.” Krishna asked, “You’re so learned and yet so parochial?” “Look,” the professor explained to him, “through learning man comes to recognize recognize his true self. self. I obtaine obtained d learnin learningg and discov discovered ered that I wa wass a kayasth.” This disturbed Krishna so much that he walked out and lay down in the shad shadee of a tree tree.. He said said to me, “I thin think k I’ll I’ll go back. back. I can’t can’t make make any any headway in politics where god can’t get a vote by being just god.” Meanwhile, the news of Krishna’s entry into politics had spread widely, and all regular political parties were showing some wariness. The Jansangh leaders thought that being a cowherd Krishna will naturally side with them. But they decided decided to be b e prepared, prepared, just in case. They They set up a committ committee ee of storytellers and asked them to look into their books and find some dirt on Krishna. “If he causes any problem, well ruin his reputation.” In fact, character-assassination had started and some rumours were already circulating. As Krishna dozed in the cool shade and I sat near him, a man came to us. He asked asked me in a whisper, whisper, “He’s “He’s Bhagw Bhagwan an Krishna, Krishna, isn’t he?” “Yes,” I replied. “Just look at his beauty.” The man said, “May I tell you something? something? Keep it to yourself, yourself, but I know all is not righ rightt with his Mrs. Mrs. She’s She’s a runaway runaway.. He seduced seduced her. her. It caused caused a big big fight fight.. We have have the eviden evidence. ce. It’s It’s writte written n in a book. Now Now tell me, if someone who made a young woman elope with him comes into power, what will happen to the honour of our daughters and wives?” When Krishna awoke, I said to him, “Bhagwan, they’ve started to assassinate your character. You should now either boldly plunge into the campaign or let me be on my own. I’ll hitch myself to someone else. For if I stay with you my own political future might be endangered.” Thee short Th short nap nap had appar apparen ently tly refresh refreshed ed Krishn Krishna’ a’ss mind mind.. With With great great confid confidenc ence, e, he said, said, “I just got an idea. idea. I hav have seve several ral thousa thousand nd devout devout supporters here. I’d forgotten that there are thousands of my temples in this land. Their pujaris must be devoted to me. With their help, I can easily win 28
Harishankar Parsai
Contesting an Election in Bihar
all the seats. Let’s go and talk to them.” We went to one temple. When the pujari saw Krishna, he went wild with joy. He started to dance. He said, “What blessed fate! My life-long devotion has finally borne fruit. I’m looking at god himself.” Krishna explained to the pujari that he was contesting the election and that the pujari will have to secure votes for him. The pujari said, “You are bhagwan, you won’t lack for votes.” Kris Krishn hnaa said. said. “Even “Even so, one one has to make make sure. sure. You will will vote vote for for me, won’t you?” The pujari wistfully wistfully rubbed his hands and said, “I worship you. You’re my bhagwan. But as for my vote, it must go to someone from my own caste. Had there been no candidate of my own caste I’d certainly vote for you.” I don’t think Krishna could have have felt as hurt when he had been hit by that hunter’s arrow as he felt just then. He said to me, “There’s nothing left for me now but to join the Bhoodan Movement. My own pujari has abandoned me! For such a loser in politics, there are only two choices — join the Bharat Sevak Samaj or enlist in the Bhoodan Movement. Let’s go to Baba.” I said, said, “T “That hat stage stage hasn’ hasn’tt come come yet. We hav haven’t en’t yet lost lost an elect electio ion. n. There are people who, even after losing four or five elections, haven’t joined the Sarvodaya. Come, we’ll go and talk to some political parties.” First First we went went to the Congress Congress office. There There we were told that there was no Congress there. The secretary said, “Here there is Krishnavallabh Babu, there is Mahesh Babu, there are Ram Khilavan Babu and Mishra Babu — but there is no Congress Congress here. here. In any case, case, why join the Congres Congress? s? After After all, whatever group comes into power becomes the Congress, and the losing group group ceases to be it. Only Only after the election electionss are over over shall we know know who the Congress is. You see the Congress doesn’t any longer form governments, it only brings brings them down. down. You should should first contest contest the elections. elections. Then, Then, if you you get a few legisla legislators tors to support you, you, come back back to us. We’ll e’ll get you you a majority and you may yourself form the governmen government. t. We had helped Mandal Babu form the government, remember?” We then went went to the Samyukta Socialist Socialist Party. Party. They were first wary of us. Bu Butt wh when en we confid confided ed to them them that that the rose that Jawaha Jawaharl rlal al used to wear in the buttonhole of his sherwani was in fact made of paper, they were very happy. One of them said, “Your ideas are very revolutionary. Just see, how that Nehru fooled the country all that time.” I said, “We want to be Socialists.” He said, “Being a Socialist isn’t as important as being anti-Congress. Even a dacoit who is against the Congress is superior to any Socialist.” Krishna remarked, “But certainly you must have some ideology?” “Anti-Con “Anti-Congressis gressism m is an ideology,” ideology,” the SSP man replied. “Thanks to it 29
Contesting an Election in Bihar
Harishankar Parsai
we can come to an agreement with any group — with the Jansangh, on the protection of cows, with the Swatantra Party, concerning the protection of capital, with the Praja Socialist Party, on democratic socialism and with the Communists, Communists, concerning concerning people’s revolution. revolution.”” I said, “I remember Dr Lohia had said that in order to gain the people’s confidence, any non-Congress government must perform some miracle within the first six months of its coming into power. Did it happen?” The man replied, replied, “Yes, “Yes, we performed performed not one miracl miraclee but many. many. Just Just recall the amazing somersault our own Mandal Babu performed when he came to power.” Next we went to the Communists. The CPI people said, “Well, Comrade Krishna, we know your history. You have often displayed leftist adventurism and radical confusion. You better go to the Marxists.” The Marxists Marxists were blunt. blunt. They They said, said, “You “You are nothing nothing but a reformi reformist. st. Your class character has been entirely reactionary.” But the Jansangh man welcomed us with open arms. He said, “You have been a member of our party since the Dwapara Yuga. We need only to open your mind now.” He took a piece of paper and wrote on it, “Hindi Rashtra, Rashtra, Cow Protection, Protection, Indian Indian Culture. Culture.”” Then he folded folded it with a printe printed d form. Next Next he took out a key key and a lock lock from a cabinet. cabinet. Finall Finally y, using using a peculiar peculiar instrume instrument nt,, he started prying open Krishna’s skull. Krishna was startled. He tried to struggle away and asked angrily, “What are you doing?” The man said, “Your “Your intellectual intellectual induction. induction. I shall open your skull, skull, put thes thesee idea ideass insi inside de,, then then loc lock it up. Th Thee key will will be sen sent to Nagpu Nagpur, r, to Guruji. Guruji. Then there won’t won’t be b e any any risk risk of some adultero adulterous us or antianti-nati national onal thought sneaking into your mind.” Krishn Krishnaa wa wass scared scared out of his wits. wits. Freeing reeing himself himself with with a jerk, jerk, he fled. “Stop, please stop,” the Jansangh man called after him, “at least let our volunteers have some of your sudarshan chakras.” Hastening away, we went straight to the Backward Bloc. They said, “You can’t join us, you are not backward yet. You will become one when you get to be a legislator but fail to be a minister. Failing to become a minister, you may may right rightful fully ly claim to be an exploited exploited and backw backward ard person. Then Then come and join us.” We had planned to meet Mahamaya Babu of the Forward Bloc, but we were told that after withdrawing the two hundred and eighteen cases he had filed against Kamakhya Babu, he had gone into hiding in the latter’s coal mine. At the entrance of the mine we ran into Raja Kamakhya Narain Singh alias alias Kamakhya Kamakhya Babu. Babu. He said, “If you were to join join me you’ll you’ll be asked asked to 30
Harishankar Parsai
Contesting an Election in Bihar
make a tour of the entire world of politics. That might be too much for you. Not every everyone one can be as agile as I am. See for yoursel yourselff — first I broke away away to form the Janata Party, then I moved to the Swatantra Party. From there I returned returned to the Congress. Congress. Later Later I shifted shifted my allegian allegiance ce to the Bharatiy Bharatiyaa Kranti Dal, only to leave it and revive the old Janata Party. To me, political parties parties are like like underwear. underwear. I can’t wear wear any for for long. It begins to stink. stink. I have with me seventeen legislators, but no government can function without me. Let me give you some advice. Form a party of your own and get some of your own people elected to the assembly. Then you can sit majestically and have the Congressites, the Jansanghists, the Socialists, the Revolutionaries, the Communists, Communists, and what have you you — all sit at your feet and serve you. you. But if you stick to Principles you’ll be wiped out. The most important principle is to bargain.” We too were by now convinced that we won’t quite get along in any party, that we better form a party of our own. That if we succeed succeed in getting getting in a few legislators, then, through manipulations, defections and deals, we can always control the government itself. Now we have set up a new party. It will function for the time being only in Bihar. Bihar. If it gets gets strong strong public public support support in the mid mid term term elect electio ions, ns, we’ll we’ll make it national. Herewith is a summary of our manifesto. The opportunism, lack of principles, and basic instability instability that prevail in contemporary Indian politics are enough to break the heart of any true servant servant of the masses. Corruption Corruption in higher polp olitics has caused millions of people to starve, go without clothes, remain jobless. They are falling prey to famines, floods, droughts and epidemi epidemics. cs. From countl countless ess throats throats rises rises only only one one cry — “Bhagwan, come, form a new party and take political power in your your hands to save save us.” Respondi Responding ng to this heart-re heart-rendin ndingg plea plea of the people, Bhagwan Krishna has incarnated himself in Bihar and, joining hands with that world-renowned public servant, Babu Harishankar Narain Prasad Singh, has established a new political party. It is called Bharatiya Janmangal Congress. In contemporary politics, it has become quite a fashion to use the word Janata Janata or Jan or Lok in party party names. That’s That’s why we too have included Jan in our party’s name. We, however, appeal to the people that they shouldn’t take it too seriously. It’s just a political joke. joke. The word Bharatiya in our party’s name is also for a reason. It will facilitate if, in the future, it becomes necessary for us to merge with the Bharatiya Jansangh and share power with them. 31
Contesting an Election in Bihar
Harishankar Parsai
Likewise, we have the word Congress, so that if the Indira Congress Congress finds it necessa necessary ry to form a coaliti coalition on gove governme rnment nt,, it should first turn to us. No party has ever explained what the word Janata means. We are doing so for the first time. Janata are those men and women who are voters and whose votes elect legislators and ministers. In this this world, orld, the usefu usefuln lnes esss of the janat janataa lies lies enti entirel rely y in the fact that their votes votes elect ministri ministries. es. If it were were poss p ossibl iblee to form governments without votes, there would be absolutely no need for the janata. The people are raw material. From them one makes the more pukka pukka stuff — the legisla legislators tors and minister ministers. s. In order to make make somethi something ng more more solid, solid, one must must do aw away ay with what is raw. raw. We give our full assurance to the people that doing away with them we shall fashion a high quality government. Our minimal goal is to remain in power. Ideologically we believe in the maxim, As is the king, so are his his subject subjects. s. If the king king lives lives in luxu luxury ry,, his his peopl peoplee too live live in luxury luxury.. If the king is hap happy py,, so are his people. That’s That’s why the ministers ministers in our government government shall live only lavishly lavishly.. The people must understand that we’d be doing so under duress, in fact, only for their own sake. As is the king, so are his subjects. Our candidates shall nor enter the elections to become legislator islators. s. They shall shall seek votes votes to become minister ministers. s. When the people people vote for us they will be voting voting for minister ministers. s. Every Every successful candididate of our party will be included in the cabinet. Thatt will Tha will ensure ensure that no one defec defects. ts. Bu Butt if any of them them must must do so, he should first talk to us — to make sure that we cannot possibly meet his demands. The government’s main job is to govern, nor to solve the problem of roti. roti. That’s That’s why our gove governme rnment nt will take take no interest interest in food production. If any company is interested in producing more grain we will gladly give it all the land in Bihar. We shall create new administrative districts on the basis of caste. caste. For examp example le,, no ksha kshatri triy ya will will be allo allow wed to live live in a brahmin brahmin district. district. Distric Districtt commis commissio sioners ners will be appoint appointed ed by the caste panchay panchayats. ats. Countless people die in epidemics and famines in Bihar every year. year. But Kashi Kashi is not a part of Bihar. Bihar. We have have only Gaya Gaya for the final rites of the dead. Our party will launch an agitation to get Kashi annexed to Bihar. Then the people of Bihar can die in 32
Harishankar Parsai
Contesting an Election in Bihar
Kashi and have their rites done right here. We give the people our solemn word that we shall topple any gove governme rnment nt that won’t won’t include include us. If we ourselv ourselves es fail to get a majority, we shall provide the people the pleasure of having a government every month. This, of course, is just a summary draft of our manifesto. We shall give the details later. People should pray for our party’s victory. Industri Industriali alists, sts, contrac contractors tors and profess professiona ionall trouble troublemak makers ers should immediately contact us to negotiate terms. Our brothers, cousins, uncles, nephews, in-laws and other relatives — wherever they may be — should all come and settle in Bihar. They should also immediately immediately send in applications applications for welfare funds, together with any proof of their relationship to us. Any delay would only benefit impersonators.4
4
“Contesting an Election in Bihar” was originally published in Hindi as “Ham Bihar Mein Chunao Lad Rahe Hain” in 1965.
33
Poor Trishanku In a certain city, in a small house in a dirty neighbourhood, there lived a man called Trishanku.1 He was a teacher in a school. Trishanku was dissatisfied with nearly everything in his life, but most of all with with his house. house. His biggest biggest ambitio ambition n wa wass to move move into into a larger larger place in some decent neighbourhood neighbourhood someday someday. Consequentl Consequently y, he was exceptionally exceptionally nice to those children whose fathers owned rental properties in the city. Come examination time, he would tell them the “important” questions they should prepare for. He would even give them better marks. Trishanku believed that some day some house-owning parent would be so pleased with him that he would ask. “Do you want anything?” Then he would have his chance to say, “Yes, a nice house.” The rent control control officer in that town town wa wass a certain certain Vishwa Vishwamit mitra. ra. It was his job to keep an eye on the house rents in the city and allot vacant houses to the needy. It so happened that Vishwamitra’s son was a student in Trishanku’s class. Naturall Naturally y, Trishank rishanku u wa wass very very lovin lovingg towa towards rds him. But the boy was extremely tremely poor in studies. studies. In fact, his father father had warned warned him not to lose lose any of his textbooks, textbooks, for they were sure to be needed needed again next year. year. But TrTrishanku told him such important questions — and later gave him such good marks — that the boy passed. Vishwamitra was delighted. A few days later, when Trishanku was sitting near him eating laddus to celebrate, Vishwamitra said, “Trishanku Master, I’m very very pleased pleased with you. I wo would uld like like to do somethi something ng for you. you. Tell me, what do you want?” Trishanku had waited for years for this moment. Countless houses flashed before his eyes, but he didn’t display any eagerness. “Sir, what have I done that I might wish to be rewarded!” he humbly responded. “I only did what 1
Trishanku: A ruler of the Surya dynasty, who sought to enter heaven after his death encased in his mortal Chandal body, but was pushed down from the gates of heaven by Lord Indra. His guru, Sage Vishwamitra, halted the fall, and Trishanku hung upside down midway between earth and heaven.
Harishankar Parsai
Poor Trishanku
was my duty. You provide homes to the entire city. If your son had failed in his exams it would have been a disgrace to the city itself: I merely did what wass required wa required of me as a citizen citizen of this this city city. I need nothing nothing except that you continue to look upon me favourably.” These words only enhanced enhanced Vishwamitra’ Vishwamitra’ss genial mood. He felt a tremendous urge to do Trishanku rishanku some favour. favour. “No, Trishank Trishanku u Master, you must ask for something something,” ,” he persisted persisted.. “I’m “I’m obliged obliged to you. Every Every child child has two fathers. One gives him life, life, the other gives gives him knowledge. knowledge. You taught my son not only reading and writing and all that, but you also taught him something invaluable. You taught him how to succeed despite being unworthy of success. Your rank, therefore, is even above me. So tell me, is there anything you want?” Trishanku could see the iron was hot. “All right, sir,” he meekly said, “if it really pleases pleases you, please get me a nice house in some decent neighbourhood.” neighbourhood.” Vishwamitra was forced to think for a minute. Then he said, “Trishanku Master, that’s a tough one. Houses are very scarce. I’d have had no problem if you had instead asked for a country country. Anywa Anyway y, now that I have have promised, I must find you a house.” Vishwamitra pulled open his desk drawer and took out a notebook. After flipping through several pages he stopped, and dialed a number — “Hello, Is Indraj Indrajii ther there? e? . . . Th This is is Vish Vishwamit amitra ra speak speakin ingg . . . Nama Namask skar ar . . . Yes, es, all’ all’ss well, ell, thank thankss to your your bless blessin ings gs . . . Ha, Ha, ha, ha, ha . . . I’m I’m sorr sorry y to bother bother you but it’s something something rather special . . . You don’t happen to have have a vacant vacant house, hou se, do you you?? You do! . . . He’s He’s someo someone ne close close to me. My own own man, you you might might say say. Yes, a very very decent decent person person . . . Sho Should uld I send send him to you? you? . . . This This evenin evening? g? . . . All righ right, t, I’ll I’ll do that that . . . Than Thank k you you very very much.” much.” He put the receiv receiver er down down and turned turned to Trishank rishanku. u. “Well “Well,, Trishank rishanku u Master Master,, that that takes takes care of your your need. I’ve I’ve found found you a house house in the best neighbourhood in the city” As the phone conversation had proceeded, Trishanku’s face had brightened ened littl littlee by littl little. e. Now Now it lit up fully fully.. “Where “Where is this house? house?”” he asked asked eagerly. “In the most beaut b eautifu ifull part of the city city — in Swargapu Swargapuri. ri. They also also call it the Civil Civil Lines. Lines. There, There, a gentlem gentleman an named Indradev Indradev owns a nu numbe mberr of houses. houses. Formerly ormerly he wa wass an engineer engineer in Public Public Works orks Departm Department ent,, but he served the country so well that when he retired he had some fifteen or sixteen houses houses of his own. These These he rents rents out. I have have asked asked him to let you have have a portion of one of the houses.” Trishanku’s next question was, “What’s the rent?” Vishwamitra said, “Don’t worry. I’ll speak to him about it. All you have to do is to meet him this evening and take possession of the house he shows 35
Poor Trishanku
Harishankar Parsai
you. you. Today’s oday’s the last last day day of the month. month. Vacate acate your your present present house house today today, otherwise the owner will make you pay another month’s rent. In fact, when you go to see Indraji, take all your things with you.” Trishanku felt a bit unsure. Swargapuri, or the Civil Lines, was another world. world. The people who lived lived there were totally different. Trishanku rishanku always always looked at them with envy and fear. No doubt, he had often fantasized about living there, but now that a chance had actually come up, he wasn’t so sure. How would I live there? he thought, And why would they ever let me? With much trepidation he said, “Sir, a very different kind of people live there. You might even say, a different species. How will they ever let me live among them?” “What “What nonsens nonsensee is that, that, Trishank rishanku u Master, Master,”” Vishw Vishwami amitra tra replied replied.. “A house in that area is a matter of good fortune, and you are turning it down? Don’t Don ’t be scare scared. d. Go there there witho without ut fear. fear. Now Now that that I’v I’ve myse myself lf spoken spoken to Indraji, he’ll offer you the house only too eagerly.” But Trishanku’s heart was still unwilling. In his most abject manner he said, “Sir, I don’t know why but I’m scared. I feel we can live in Swargapuri only in our mind. If we go there there ph physi ysicall cally y, the local people won’t won’t accept us.” Vishwami Vishwamitra’s tra’s sense of pride was aroused. How could Trishank Trishanku u doubt his powers? powers? He leapt out of his chair, chair, his face red with with anger. anger. “T “Trish rishank anku, u, I’m Vishwami Vishwamitra, tra, the rent control officer,” he roared. “No landlord can say no to what I tell him to do. I’ve been in the service for the last twenty years. That’s nothing to laugh at. I’ll see to it that you live in Swargapuri. I have made made you a promi promise se.. It can’t can’t go waste. waste. Now Now go and be sure to see Indraji Indraji this evening.” evening.” That evening, Trishanku hired a pushcart and loading it with all his possessions, possessions, set off for Swargapuri. Swargapuri. When he arrived arrived at Indradev’s Indradev’s bungalow, bungalow, the latter was lolling in an armchair in his front garden, giving instructions to a gardener. Trishanku rishanku had the pushcart stop outside on the road and went and stood before Indradev. “Namaskar, sahab.” When he got only a Hunh in response to his namaskar, Trishanku was a bit upset. He felt as if he were a beggar at someone’s door and a voice from inside inside the house house was telling telling him to move move on. But he let it pass. After After all, he was there for a purpose. purpose. Resolu Resolutely tely he said, “Sir, Mr Vishw Vishwami amitra tra had calle called d you about about a hou house se,, that’s that’s why why . . . ” “Yes, yes, that’s fine,” Indradev interjected, “where is your sahab?’ Trisha rishank nku u coul couldn’ dn’tt follo follow w the drift drift of his his remark remark.. “What “What sahab sahab?’ ?’ he asked. “The sahab who will live in that house,” Indradev replied with some 36
Harishankar Parsai
Poor Trishanku
annoyance. Trisha rishank nku u was jolt jolted. ed. He stamm stammere ered, d, “Ah . . . ah . . . I will will live live in that house.” house.” Indradev Indradev sat up. He glared glared at Trishank rishanku. u. “You! “You! You’ll ou’ll live live in my house!” house!” he shouted. shouted. “Has “Has Vishwa Vishwamit mitra ra taken taken to drinkin drinkingg during the day too?” Trishanku desperately tried to put up a bold front. “Why? Why do you say that? Has he done something crazy?” “I thought,” Indradev said, speaking as if to himself, “I thought he wanted the house for some gentleman.” Trishanku gave up any remaining hope of getting the house. That made him bold. In a strong voice he said, “Why can’t I live in that house? Am I not a man?” Indradev looked at him intently, then said, “No one who is just a man can live in this neighbourhood.” “What do you mean?” “Sim “Simpl ply y, that that you’re ou’re not fit to live live here. here. I need need only look at a man man to know all about him.” Now the school teacher in Trishank Trishanku u was aroused. He wanted wanted to understand the matter fully and also make sure that the other party understood him equally well. He asked, “So what are the prerequisites for living here?” Indrade Indradev v looked looked at him with annoya annoyance. nce. “Beggar “Beggars, s, for one, can’t can’t live live here,” he replied. “Do you have a car? A radiogram? A refrigerator? A sofa set?” Trishanku couldn’t move his eyes away from Indradev’s wrathful face. “Do your children go to a public school,” Indradev continued, “or do they go with the riffraff? riffraff? How How many vari varietie etiess of cactus cactus can you name? name? Which Which club do you go to in the evening?” After briefly pausing for some response, Indradev concluded, “In that case, how dare you come here?” “I was sent here by Vishwamitra,” Trishanku replied with some force. “He “He is the rent rent contro controll officer. officer. His His order order . . . ” Indra Indradev dev stood up in rage. rage. Po Poki king ng a fing finger er at Trish rishank anku’ u’ss chest chest,, he shouted, “You’re “You’re threatening me with Vishwamitra’ Vishwamitra’ss name! I’ve I’ve seen dozens of RCOs. Just wait, I’ll have have him transferred transferred tomorrow. Even Vishwami Vishwamitra’s tra’s father father can’t get you a house house here. here. You think my houses houses are homes homes for the poor?” When Indradev began b egan to swear swear at Vishwam Vishwamitra, itra, Trishanku Trishanku saw no reason to linger any further. He walked out of the garden and, asking the pushcart man to follo follow w him, him, went went straigh straightt to Vishw Vishwami amitra’ tra’ss bung bungalo alow. w. He said to him, “Sir, Indraji turned me away. He said I wasn’t fit to live there. He also called you some bad names.” 37
Poor Trishanku
Harishankar Parsai
A scowl scowl appeared on Vishw Vishwami amitra’ tra’ss face. face. His eyes eyes flashed flashed with with anger. anger. “How dare he!” he hissed, “I’ll take care of that fellow tomorrow. Find some place for yourself tonight. Tomorrow I’ll put you in his house.” With folded hands, Trishank Trishanku u pleaded, “Sir, I won’t won’t live there. They’re a wild lot. I don’t want to live among them.” Vishw Vishwami amitra tra glared glared at him. him. “You’ “You’ll ll have have to live live there,” there,” he thunde thundered. red. “It’s no longer just a matter of your house. It’s now a question of my prestige.” “Sir, forget all that. I won’t go there. I’ll just stay on in my old house.” And Trishanku turned around to walk away. “But you can’t live there,” Vishwamitra shouted after him. “I’ve already allotted it to someone else.” For a moment moment everything everything blurred before Trishanku’s rishanku’s eyes. Somehow Somehow he managed to get on the road and, with the loaded pushcart following him, staggered off to look for a dharmashala. And ever since that day, Trishanku has been living in a dharmashala in the city.2
2
“Poor Trishanku” was originally published in Hindi as “Trishanku Bechara” in 1966.
38
The Twenty Eighth Tale of the Vetal Then the vetal said, “So, Vikram, you have again dragged me down from the tree? tree? Your devotio devotion n to your task pleases pleases me. I’ll I’ll now tell you another tale to entert entertain ain you. you. Listen Listen . . . Once upon a time, in a certain city, there lived a cloth merchant whose name was Dharamcha Dharamchand. nd. True to his name, Dharamch Dharamchand and was a man full of piety piety.. He would would go to the temple mornings mornings and eveni evenings ngs and pray pray there there for almost almost an hour. And every every so often, often, while concentr concentratin atingg his mind on worship, he would come up with lucky numbers for the daily game. He also kept a charity box at the shop. Everyone considered him a gentle and friendly man. All eighteen eighteen hours of his wa wakin kingg day day his face was lit up with with a hu huge ge smil smile. e. Th This is had cause caused d his his mouth mouth to sprea spread d to his his ears. ears. His His teeth teeth stuck stuck out, which only made it easier for him to show how humble a person he was. When Dharamchand would speak to someone, there would be such a sweet smile on his face and his protruding teeth would indicate such humility — and his eyes, such helplessness — that even if he were to ask that man for his head, the man would probably hesitate for a moment or two before saying no. Dharamchand was also a very honest man, for as he talked to customers he would would constan constantl tly y say say, “Hone “Honestl stly y . . . ” An And d he was a virtu virtuou ouss man man too, for he would quote a price or tell a creditor his account only after saying, “I swea swearr to god god . . . ” O Vikram, god likes to test virtuous men again and again. Dharamchand had to suffer suffer many litigati litigations ons.. Sometime Sometimess it wa wass he who wo would uld file a case against against someone, someone, at others, others, someone someone else would would sue him. Once, Once, when just such a litigation was going on, the presiding judge was transferred to another city and a new judge arrived. Now it so happened that Dharamchand’s case, in that instance, was rather weak. He could have lost. But he didn’t give up hope. One day the new judge came to the market to buy some cloth, and by some sheer chance chance entered entered Dharamchand’s Dharamchand’s shop. Dharamchand Dharamchand immediately immediately
The Twenty Eighth Tale of the Vetal
Harishankar Parsai
recogni recognized zed him. He dropped the bolt of cloth cloth he wa wass measuring measuring from and greeted the judge with folded hands. After making certain that he was comfortably seated, he offered him some paan and said, “How very kind of you, sahab! What humble service may I do for you?” The judge replied, “Please show me some nice cloth for shirts.” Dharamchand started pulling down bolt after bolt from the shelves and spread spread them out before the judge. judge. He did it with loving loving care as if he were were a devotee devotee serving serving food before a god. The sahab finally finally liked liked a pattern pattern and asked asked the price. price. Dharamc Dharamchand hand folded folded his hand handss abjectly abjectly and said, “Why must must you embarras embarrasss me? This This is your store, store, sahab. sahab. Just Just tell tell me how many many yards.” Thee judg Th judge’s e’s face face became became stern. stern. He said, said, “No, “No, I don’ don’tt bu buy y thing thingss that that way. I never have. Tell me the price.” O Vikr Vikram, am, the sahab sahab also also wa wass very honest honest.. It now became became a contes contestt between two honest men. Dharamchand remained silent for a few moments then, in a sad voice, said, “Four rupees seven annas per yard.” Suddenl Sud denly y the sahab’s sahab’s face lost its sterness sterness.. Instead Instead.. it took on a pained pained look. He seemed seemed rather worried worried.. Dharamc Dharamchand hand kept kept his eyes fixed fixed on the sahab’s sahab’s face. The sahab’s sahab’s pained pained look could have have broken broken his ow own n tender tender heart heart.. With With difficul difficulty ty the words ords came came out out of the saha sahab’ b’ss mouth mouth,, “No, “No, I cannot afford to wear such expensive clothes.” He got up to leave. Dharamchand looked at the sahab’s face and almost broke into tears. Most abjectly abjectly he said, “Sahab, “Sahab, don’t worry worry about the price. price. Just Just take take the cloth cloth now.” now.” Bu But, t, for for some some reason, reason, that only only made made sahab sahab very angry angry.. He pushed pushed Dha Dharamc ramchand hand aside aside and stomped out of the store. store. Dha Dharamc ramchand hand remained standing at the door until the judge was out of sight, then with a heavy heart he returned to his usual tasks. O Vikram, in that encounter between two honest souls, Dharamchand was sorely defeated. That evening, when Dharamchand sat down to pray at the temple, a voice rose out of his gentle heart — “O Dharamchand, did you see the sahab’s deject dejected ed face? face? How How helple helpless ss he looked. looked. How How disappoi disappoint nted ed he was. was. How How eagerly he had chosen the pattern and then, when he heard the price, how his face fell. The sahab must have thought, We’re called officers and yet we can’t even wear the kind of clothes we want. O Dharamchand, Dharamchand, you know well the life of these these governm governmen entt officers. officers. You call yoursel yourselff a kind kind man. Don Don’t ’t you you feel pity for the sahab? sahab? Can’t Can’t you fulfil fulfil one small wish wish of his? his? Shame Shame on you, Dharamchand! Shame on all your prayers! You fool, kindness is the essenc essencee of relig religio ion n ...” Dharamc Dha ramchan hand d listene listened d to his soul. soul. His heart heart filled filled up. The sahab’s sahab’s despondent face appeared before his eyes and they flowed over with tears. He 40
Harishankar Parsai
The Twenty Eighth Tale of the Vetal
wiped the tears with his dhoti’s end and with folded hands addressed god, “God, I made a terrible mistake. O most generous one, I know how kind you are when it comes to clothes. You gave endless number of saris to Draupadi. Can’t Can’t I, your humble humble devotee devotee,, give give just one shirt to the sahab? sahab? Lord these sahabs are the Draupadis of today. The Dusshasan of inflation has deprived them of their clothes. clothes. Give Give me some strength, strength, lord, give me some some pow power. er. Bless Bless me, that I may may remov removee the grief of that grief-st grief-stric ricke ken n person. person. I swear swear to you, lord, I’ll have the sahab wearing that shirt within the month.” Once he had made his vow, Dharamchand felt a heavy burden lift from his heart. Eight Eight days passed. passed. Early Early on the ninth ninth mornin morning, g, Dha Dharamc ramchand hand bathed, bathed, then put a tilak on his forehead and went to his store. He pulled out the bolt of cloth that had struck the sahab’s fancy, and measured out enough cloth for four shirts. shirts. Careful Carefully ly wrapping wrapping the piece in a newspape newspaper, r, he tucked tucked it under his arm, then, with his mind fixed on god’s true name, he walked to the sahab’s house. The sahab recognized him. “What brings you here, sethji?” he asked. With hesitant hands, Dharamchand unwrapped the cloth and placed it before the sahab. sahab. Then he said, “Sahab, “Sahab, I had gone gone to Bombay Bombay recently recently.. There, There, in the cut-piec cut-piecee marke market, t, I found found this piece piece of cloth. cloth. You wouldn’t wouldn’t believe me but it came to only seven annas a yard. I bought the whole piece, enough enough for six shirts. shirts. I kept kept enough for two two shirts shirts for mysel myself, f, and brough broughtt the rest for you.” He placed the cloth in the sahab’s hands. The sahab looked at the cloth, looked at Dharamchand and then looked out of the window. Finally he looked at the ground and said, “That’s really cheap. It was very nice of you to get it for me.” Dharamchand said, “Sahab, we’re always ready to serve you in every way we can. You know, money doesn’t accompany a man when he dies. It’s only the service he does here that goes with him.” The sahab paid him for the cloth at seven annas a yard and Dharamchand happily took the money. As he was leaving, he said, “Sahab, the local tailors are all crooks. You’re new here. I’ll send you my own trustworthy man.” That evening Dharamchand’s own trustworthy tailor came to the sahab to get his measurements and the cloth. That same night, Dharamchand sat down down before before god and pray prayed, “Lord, “Lord, I’v I’ve don donee wh what at I vow owed ed to do. do. Now Now the sahab sahab should should he able able to wear wear a shir shirtt of that cloth. cloth. Th This is came about about only because you, in your kindness, wished it so. Now my honour is in your hands.” O Vikra Vikram, m, the shirts shirts were made and and neatly neatly ironed. ironed. Th They ey were were ready ready to be wo worn. rn. On the morni morning ng of the day day his case was was to be heard in court, court, Dharamchand took the shirts to the sahab’s house. When the sahab saw the shirts he was most pleased. He once again thanked Dharamchand. 41
The Twenty Eighth Tale of the Vetal
Harishankar Parsai
O Vikram, can there be any sahab who would delay wearing such shirts? None, of course. And so the sahab put on one of the new shirts and went to the court. The case was called called and the file was placed placed before the sahab. He examined the details, details, for and against. against. Just Just then Dharamc Dharamchand hand happened happened to pass by the open door. Th Thee two two look looked at each each other other and smiled. smiled. O Vikr Vikram, am, not even the finest writer can describe that wonderful scene. The sahab picke picked d up his pen to write the judgement. judgement. At that moment, moment, some inner urge made him look at his shirt. Suddenly, a miracle happened. The piece of cloth became hard as steel. Its weight weight began to bend the sahab’s spine. spine. Gradual Gradually ly the shirt shirt grew tight tight on his body. body. The sleeves sleeves shrank and gripped his wrists. The collar began to choke his throat. The sahab groaned. The shirt became even more constricting. In desperation, the sahab quickly wrote the judgement judgement in favour of Dharamchand. Dharamchand. Behold, O Vikram, immediately another miracle occurred. The shirt became soft as silk again. The news of Dharamcha Dharamchand’s nd’s victory victory spread. All were were amazed. One person remark remarked, ed, “The sahab has lost lost his integrit integrity y.” Another Another responded, responded, “What “What could could the poor sahab sahab do? It’s It’s Dharamch Dharamchand and who lost his integrit integrity y.” Still Still others said, “No, both of them lost their integrity.” Having brought his tale to an end, the vetal fell silent for a few moments. Then he said, “O Vikram, now you know the whole story. Tell me, who lost his integrity — the sahab, Dharamchand, or both?” “Neither,” Vikram promptly replied, “neither of them lost any integrity. Dharamchand accepted money for his cloth and the sahab paid money for his shirt.” Upon hearing these words, the vetal flew up into the tree and once again suspended himself from a branch.1
1
“The “The Tw Twen enty ty Eigh Eighth th Tale ale of the the Vetal etal” ” was was orig origin inal ally ly publ publis ishe hed d in Hind Hindii as “Arthaiswin Katha” in 1966.
42
Family Planning In one of the warehouses of the Creator’s Department of Souls, a clerk was going going around around with a list list in one one han hand. d. He would would look up a nu numb mber er on the list, then locate that particular soul on the shelves. Next, he would carefully wrap the soul in a piece of cloth and place it in a bag that he carried in his other other hand. The bag was rather rather worn worn out, for he had also been using using it to deliver fresh vegetables to the Creator’s house. He picked up soul No D–865372 and was about to put him in the bag, when the soul spoke up. “Where are you taking me?” The clerk replied, “You will be put into a body to be born again.” The soul asked, “In whose house? To whose wife?” The clerk felt a bit peeved. He said, “Look, I’m not supposed to talk to you. Last month someone someone went to the sahab and complained complained that I had taken bribes from souls and switched their parents. If you have any questions, you better come and ask the sahab.” The clerk took the soul to the sahab. The sahab was in a rage. No sooner he saw the clerk clerk than he started started shouting shouting.. “What “What a mess you have have made! made! I received another complaint today, that you placed a wolf’s soul in some woman wo man’s ’s wo wom mb. Now Now the boy goes around around pester pesterin ingg girl girlss on the the street streets. s. You had done something similar earlier. I’d have fired you long ago, but my hands are tied since you deliver vegetables to His house!” The clerk remained silent. The sahab asked, “Why have you come now?” The clerk took the soul out of the bag, placed it on the sahab’s table and said, “Sahab, this soul talks too much.” The sahab sahab said, said, “It must must be due to his previous previous birth. birth. Perhap Perhaps, s, he wa wass a salesman for some third-rate company.” “No, I wasn’t a salesman,” the soul retorted. “I was a doctor, a specialist in family planning. And I don’t talk too much. I merely want to know whose house I’m going to be born in.” The sahab opened his record book. “What’s your number?” “D–865372.”
Family Planning
Harishankar Parsai
The sahab checked the record, and said, “You’re to be the son of one Hariprasad Pandey, a schoolmaster.” “How much does he earn?” “One hundred and fifty rupees per month.” “How many children does he already have?” “Six. You’ll be the seventh.” The soul was enraged. “I’m not at all prepared to be his seventh child,” he fumed. “I won’t be born. I refuse to accept rebirth.” The sahab was not known known for toleratin toleratingg such such scenes. scenes. “You “You think your rebirth rebirth depends on your wish?” wish?” he growled. growled. “Even “Even the greatest greatest rishi rishi must perform austerities all his life, only then may he expect release from the cycle of birth and death. And if some woman woman happens by as he does his austerities, austerities, his entire labour goes to waste. It’s like walking on the edge of a sword. Your rage means nothing to me.” The soul retorted, , “But I won’t let you get away with it. I shall speak to the Creato Creatorr hims himsel elf. f. Now Now wh what at was that name? name? Hari Haripr prasa asad d Pa Pand ndey ey?? Somehow, it sounds familiar to me. Where does the poor beggar live?” “In Khandwa,” the sahab replied. The soul bounced up and down on the table in excitement. “Khandwa!” he exclaime exclaimed. d. “Th “That’s at’s where where I lived. lived. I know the man. His house house was close close to my clinic. Now I remember, he’s that Do It-Master.” The sahab sahab asked, asked, “Do It-Mas It-Master? ter? What What kind of a name is that? They They don’t have such names in that part of the world.” The soul said, said, “That’s “That’s the name he’s he’s known known by. by. It was given given to him by his students. When one of them would ask him a question he wouldn’t give an answer. answer. Instead, Instead, he wo would uld pull the boy’s ears and scream, scream, “Do it, you fool, just do it!” And so the boys boys began b egan calling calling him “Do It-Master It-Master.” .” I know the fellow well. You think I’d agree to be his seventh son?” The sahab had had a long long and frustrati frustrating ng life. These These remarks remarks provide provided d him some amusement. He said, “I like you. But I can’t do anything for you. I have have to go by the rules. rules. Life and death death are in the Creator’s Creator’s hands. hands. I can forward you to him, that’s the best I can do.” The soul was taken before the Creator. The Creator was in a good mood. He had been looking at a handsome new edition of stutis in his praise. Showing the soul the book, he asked, “Have you seen it? What do you think?” The soul said, “I read parts of it, then I was bored. It’s well-written, but it’s not very scientific — if you know what I mean.” The Creator decided not to argue. “What brings you here?” he asked. The soul replied, “You’ve placed me in a funny situation. In my previous birth birth I wa wass a speciali specialist st in family family plannin planning. g. I must must have have done thousands thousands of vasectomies and tubectomies on people who had had two children. But now 44
Harishankar Parsai
Family Planning
you’re you’re sending sending me as the sevent seventh h child child of a schoolm schoolmast aster! er! Just Just think think about it for a moment.” “But what are you objecting to?” the Creator asked. The soul tried to explain, “Bhagwan, you don’t seem to see or understand anything. You just go on sending down one child after another. I know what the life of the sevent seventh h child child of that poor schoolm schoolmaste asterr will will be like. like. He lives lives close to my former clinic. His children get neither a decent meal nor enough clothes. Hungry, Hungry, skinny, skinny, filthy — that’s how his children children are. Poor in health, poor in mind mind — witho without ut any educati education on,, with without out a futur future. e. An And d I’d I’d be his his seven seventh th child child.. Just Just try to imagi imagine ne what it wo woul uld d he like like for me. His His first first son’s jacket was handed down to the second son, the third son got the second son’s jacket and the fourth son got the third’s. I won’t get even a worn-out rag, for his next childr children en were all daughters daughters.. You know, know, for three or four years years after his marriage marriage that schoolm schoolmaste asterr used to wear wear nice clothes. clothes. But later, I myself saw him use the edge of his jacket to wipe the running noses of his sons.” “But he does want children,” the Creator countered. “He “He does not! not!”” the the soul reto retorte rted. d. “In fact fact.. he’s he’s tired tired of chil childre dren. n. He simply simply can’t can’t help help havin havingg them. them. He beats them, he swears swears at them, he says says to them, them, Why Why don’t don’t you all die? die? He const constan antl tly y fights fights with his wife. wife. He shouts shouts at her, It’s all your your fault. fault. You just kept on producin producingg child children. ren. His wife shouts back, Did I do it alone? Lost for argument, he then starts hitting her. her. His His chil childre dren n see see him him beat their their mother mother on their their accoun account. t. They They hate hate him, and he hates them. And you want to send me into such a home?” The Creator Creator wa wass beginnin beginningg to enjoy this conversa conversatio tion. n. He said, “But you were a family planning doctor. Why didn’t you get him to stop having children? Perhaps you were neglectful in your duties.” The soul’s pride was hurt. He said heatedly, “Everyone there knows how hard I worked. I can’t even begin to count the number of families I planned . If you had let me live another ten years I’d have had even dogs and cats sewed sewed up after two deliverie deliveriess — not to mentio mention n hu human man beings. beings. As for that stupi stupid d schoo schoolm lmas aster ter,, I told told him him . . . ” “You should be more respectful,” the Creator interjected, “he’s going to be your father.” The soul shrugged off the reprimand. “That man won’t be my father,” he said. “If anything he would be an enemy. After he had his third child, I told the fool, “Now stop! You live in the atomic age. Science has provided provided us with many many simple simple devices. devices. Come Come to my clinic clinic.” .” He even even seemed to agree with with me. But then he began to avoid me. I don’t know what fear or doubt came over him. Then his fourth child arrived and, just before I returned here, his fifth. fifth. Now Now they tell me he has had one more. more. You see, there there are these men 45
Family Planning
Harishankar Parsai
down there who wear modern clothes but are still like cavemen underneath. They belong to the Stone Age, so bound are they to their natural urges. The scient scientific ific gains of millio millions ns of years years mean nothing to them. them. Even Even you can’t plan their their famili families. es. You might stop giving giving them babies, babies, but they’ll they’ll start producing dogs and cats.” “But why are you so against someone having many children?” the Creator asked. asked. “Look, “Look, I have have countle countless, ss, million millionss of child children. ren. All believe believers rs call me Father.” The soul could could barely barely suppress suppress his smile. smile. He said, “That’s “That’s another another of your your favo favouri urite te delusi delusions. ons. It’s It’s only only within within their temples temples and churc churches hes that they call you you father. No one claims claims you outside. outside. There, There, when asked asked about their their fathers, fathers, they give give other other names. names. Yes, there was once a man who went around openly calling you his father but he was declared a criminal, and those other lying sons of yours crucified him.” That Th at was a bit bit too much uch for for the Creator Creator.. He didn’t didn’t feel like like talk talkin ingg to that that soul soul any more. more. He gave gave his his fina finall verdi verdict ct,, “My decis decisio ion n cannot cannot be changed. You’ll have to be reborn as that schoolmaster’s child.” Thee soul, Th soul, havi having ng lost all hope, now lost his temper temper too. too. “D “Doo Justi Justice ce and Injustice mean anything to you, he shouted angrily, or are they just empty empty words? words? Let’s Let’s take for example example your your actions actions as Vishn Vishnu. u. When you you wished to be born you carefully chose a chakravarti king, Dasharath, for your father. Tell me, why didn’t you prefer to be born as the seventh child of some schoolmaster? No, you wanted to be a raja’s son. Then, even though in those days rajas always had hundreds of sons, your father had only four — and of them, them, you you of cours coursee were were the eldest eldest.. You had had a palace palace,, count countle less ss servan servants, ts, heavenl heavenly y food, and a private private tutor, tutor, no less. Or take that other time, when you were born in a commoner’s commoner’s family, family, Vasudev’s Vasudev’s wife. Then you were were number number nine. nine. But you had the previou previouss eight eight sent back, back, using Kans as your instrumen instrument. t. You becam b ecamee the only child child in the family family.. And yet you insist that I should go down as the seventh child of a poor man!” The soul had misjud misjudged. ged. You don’t say such frank and harsh harsh wo words rds to someone who hears only stutis in praise day and night. The Creator went purple with rage. He thundered, “No one has the right to choose his father. Get out! Tomorrow you will be placed in the womb of the schoolmaster’s wife.” As he was dragged away away,, the soul burst burst into tears. tears. “No, “No, no!” no!” he cried. “Not the seventh!” A few months later, the newspapers carried the following item. A strange boy has been born to the wife of Hariprasad Pandey, a local schoolmaster. He is old from birth. His hair is snow-white, 46
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his face is wrinkl wrinkled, ed, and his shoulde shoulders rs are bent low. low. He neither neither smiles smiles nor cries. He remains remains withdra withdrawn wn and silen silent, t, like like an old man. man. Th There ere is anothe anotherr stran strange ge thing thing about about this baby baby. Da Day y or night, at the hour of seven, he suddenly lets out a cry, and on the seven seventh th day day of every month month he cries all day day long. long. Many Many devout devout people believe that the baby had been a great rishi in his previous birth and was sent to this transient world against his wish.1
1
“Family Planning” was originally published in Hindi as “Family Planning.”
47
The First Bridge One day Babu Ram Sevak of the Public Works Department suddenly resigned from his job and began to devote his entire time to remembering Bhagwan Ram. Ram. Peop People le specula speculated ted.. One offered offered,, Babu Babu Ram Sevak Sevak was caught caught in a bribery case and escaped by resigning. Another said, Babuji received a huge gift of money from his in-laws which he now planned to use to start a business. But whenever Babu Ram Sevak opened his lips, out came only the name of Ram. Consequentl Consequently y, the truth of the matter remained hidden from the public for a very long time. One day I went went to Babuji. He was seated cross-legged cross-legged on deerskin. deerskin. Beside him him was a pile pile of paper papers, s, and in fron frontt lay lay a pen and a bottl bottlee of ink. ink. He appeared to be lost in some profound thought. When he heard my steps he opened his eyes, and recognizing me, gave me a slight smile. “What brings you here today?” he asked. I sat sat down down.. “Noth “Nothin ingg speci special al,” ,” I repli replied. ed. “I hadn’t hadn’t seen you you for for some some time. You don’t seem to go out at all.” He said, said, “Hah “Hahn n bha bhai, i, my wo worl rld d has change changed. d. Now Now my heart’ heart’ss set set on something something else. All ties should should be with Ram, so said Tulsida Tulsidas. s. That’s exactly exactly how I feel.” “But the people say something different,” I said, a bit hesitantly. He smile smiled d and nodded nodded his head. head. “Let “Let them them say say wh what at they wan want. I’ve I’ve transcen transcended ded the dichoto dichotomie miess of praise and blame, blame, honour and disgrac disgracee . . . virtue and vice.” Gathering a bit more courage, I persisted, “But only you know why you resig resigned ned.. If you you don’t don’t mind, mind, please please . . . ” Babu Ram Sevak closed his eyes and remained silent for a few moments. When he opened his eyes again, he fixed them on my face and said gently, tly, “Now “Now that you you hav have asked, asked, I’ll tell tell you. I left left my job job becaus becausee I wa wass commanded to do so by Hanumanji.” I was flabbergasted. I couldn’t believe my ears. “Did Hanumanji actually honour you with a darshan?” I asked. “Hahn bhai,” Babu Ram Sevak said. “One night Hanumanji appeared to
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me in a dream and said, You wretch, you imbecile, why are you squandering your your life? life? Ca Cast st awa way y the maya maya of your your office. office. Do Don’ n’tt wa wast stee your precio precious us human human life in writing writing memos, memos, you fool. Write rite instead instead the story of Ram. I somehow stammered out, Maharaj, how can that be? I’m a foolish person. I possess no learning. I have no talent other than that of writing memos and filling forms and making entries in registers. ”Hanumanji said, Your true talent will soon shine forth — that’s my bless blessin ingg upo upon n you. ou. All All poets in thei theirr hu humi mili lity ty say say simi simila larr things things.. Tulsi ulsi e, e, satya kahaun likh had similar feelings too — Kavya-viveka ek nahin mor´ kaga ka gada da kor´ ko r´e. You too should just get up and start writing. I folded my hands submiss submissiv ively ely and said, said, Master, Master, your command command must must be obeyed. obeyed. But what will I write? So many great poets and saints, so many devotees of Ram have already written the blessed story. What is now left there for me to write? “Then Hanumanji gently explained to me, Every poet has his own perspective spective,, his own insight insight.. Every Every poet, influenc influenced ed by his own age, gives gives the story story of Ram a new shape. Don Don’t ’t you find any any differen difference ce bet b etwe ween en Valmi Valmiki ki and Bhavabhuti, between Bhavabhuti and Tulsi? You too should write using your own discretion and give the Ram story a shape that suits your times. Then he disappeared disappeared,, but I wa wass tranformed tranformed.. In the morning morning I went went to the office and quietly submitted my resignation, and on my way out picked up a handful of memo-pads from my desk to use for writing the story of Bhagwan Ram” “Have you written it?” I asked. Babuji Babuji replied, replied, “Yes. “Yes. As a matter matter of fact, fact, it’s it’s almost almost finished. finished. Just Just this this morning I completed the section dealing with the construction of the bridge to Lanka. Would you like to hear it?” I said, “Of course. Who wouldn’t like to hear the story of Ram!” Babu Ram Sevak opened the bundle in front him and pulled out a sheaf of papers. But before starting starting to read, he decided decided to explai explain n a few things. things. He said, “Look here, bhai, you’ll find some new things in my story Don’t let that startle you or don’t let that make you disbelieve what I tell you. When Hanumanji appeared to me, he assured me that after I’ve completed the tale he would come to me again and sign Approved on it. Then no one will have have any doubt. And I’ll tell you you one more secret — the bridge that Ram eventually used to go to Lanka was a second bridge. There was another, an earlier bridge, and that’s what I have written about. Now listen.” He took off his glasses, wiped them clean and then began to read. When the bridge was finished, Nala and Nila came to Shri Ramchandra, prostrated themselves full length before him, and said, “Maharaj, the bridge is ready.” Ram looked towards them, amazed, and said, “What! The bridge 49
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is ready? Nothin Nothingg like like this this has ever ever happened. happened. Why Why, it was just the other day that I laid its foundation stone. Anything that has a proper Foundation ceremon ceremony y never gets done so soon — in fact, it doesnt get done at all. You see, what must get done never has its foundation stone laid, and what gets its found foundati ation on stone stone laid laid is neve neverr don done. e. Years ears ago, ago, wh when en I had had gone gone out on a tour with Guru Vasisht, I had laid the foundation stones of so many build buildin ings gs on peopl people’ e’ss insi insist stenc ence. e. Bu Butt wh when en I set out more more recen recently tly — to follow the command of my father and go into exile — and passed through those places again, I found that the foundation stones were still in the original conditi condition. on. Not one bit of construc constructio tion n had begun. begun. But you’re you’re saying saying that your your bridge bridge is finished finished.. How How can it be? I had no expectation expectation that it would would ever be finished. In fact, I was trying to figure out some other way way of reaching Lanka. Nala, Nila, you’ve done something truly amazing.” Nala and Nila stood with folded hands and submitted, “Maharaj, it’s the fruit of your blessings upon us. The bridge is ready. You may give orders to the army to move forward.” Then Ramchandra sent for Sugriv, and said to him, “Bhai, the bridge is ready. ready. Nala and Nila have amazing amazing powers, but even they couldn’t have have achieved much if you hadn’t helped them with your wealth. Dear friend, I’m greatly indebted to you.” Sugriv replied, “Maharaj, such humility doesn’t become you. You’re the future king of this vast and ancient country. I’m merely the petty chief of a small piece of land. It can only be a matter of pride for me, maharaj, if my treasure has been of any use to you.” Ram said, “Bhai, tell the army to start for Lanka tomorrow.” When Sugriv heard that he was quite shocked. He said, “Maharaj, what are you sayin saying! g! How How can the army army set out tomorro tomorrow? w? The bridge bridge is yet to be inaugurated.” Ram gently said, “Look brother, we must remember that even a day’s delay might result in injury to Sita’s honour. It’s not incumbent at this time to perpetuate the tradition of a formal inauguration.” Sugriv was so astounded, he almost fell from his perch in the sky. “How can we step upon a bridge bridge without without first properly properly inaugurati inaugurating ng it?” he exclaimed. “Has it ever happened before? Even now so many bridges lie completed here and there but no one can walk upon them because they haven’t yet yet been inaugur inaugurate ated. d. Mahar Maharaj, aj, bridg bridges es are not made made for crossi crossing ng over, over, they’re they’re made for inaugurati inaugurations. ons. If they are also also used used for crossing crossing over over — why that’s quite irrelevant.” When he saw Sugriv so insistent, Ram modified his position and said, “In that case, let’s get started. Whom should we ask to inaugurate the bridge?” Sugriv immediately said, “In my humble opinion, maharaj, the bridge 50
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should be inaugurated by your honoured father-in-law, Raja Janak.” Ram agreed, agreed, “Excell “Excellent ent idea. Please Please invit invitee him right right aw away ay.. Sugriv Sugriv immediately sent his most trusted monkeys to Raja Janak to invite him to come.” Raja Janak set out with his retinue from Mithila and in a few days arrived arrived at the coast. The cost of his journey was paid by Sugriv, who calculated that the amount could have paid for two more bridges. An auspicio auspicious us day and time time were were set for the inaugur inaugurati ation. on. Janak Janak performed the proper religious rituals, then with a pair of golden scissors cut the ribbon. All the monkeys shouted — “Raja Janak ki Jai! Raja Ramchandra ki Jai! Raja Sugriv ki Jai!” Then Raja Janak addressed the assembled monkeys. “Brothers, I’m deeply grateful to Ramchandra for the honour he bestowed on me by inviting me to inaugurate this bridge. But he did the right thing. Who else could he invite — after all he is my son-in-law. Brothers, everyone knows knows how important important bridges bridges are in the life life of our nation. nation. Today it’s it’s our task to develop the country, and no country can develop unless it has a lot of bridges. Bridges are a nation’s true wealth. No nation can march towards progress progress without without bridges. bridges. Con Consid sider er the history history of the world world — only only those those nations nations have have been able to progress progress which which have have plent plenty y of bridges. bridges. That’s That’s why I believe that we should make nothing but bridges in our country country.. Fill the entire entire land land with bridges bridges.. Let there there be bridges bridges over over land. land. Let there there be bridges over rivers, seas and oceans. Let’s not stop there. Let’s make bridges in the air too — the way we make castles. This bridge here is just the first link link in that great chain chain of bridges bridges that we must must construc construct. t. Once again, again, I congratulate you and thank all of you.” There was a great burst of applause as Raja Janak sat down. But just then, right there in front of everyone, everyone, the entire entire bridge collapsed. collapsed. They say that a commission of enquiry was immediately set up, but even today, in the fourth quarter of the kaliyug, it has yet to submit its report.1
1
“The First Bridge” was originally published in Hindi as “Pahla Pul”
51
Gentlemen, Conmen and Congressmen Leani Leaning ng agai against nst a bolst bolster, er, he wa wass spraw sprawle led d on a thick thick mattres mattress. s. In front front of him lay a plate plate of prepared prepared paans. paans. His cheeks cheeks bulged, bulged, and, with closed closed eyes, eyes, he wa wass slowly slowly chewing chewing away away. I quietly quietly sat down down in a chair chair near him. him. After some ten minutes he opened his eyes to reach for some more paans and, seeing me, smiled. After re-stuffing his mouth, he somehow asked, “Sir, why did you trouble yourself?”1 I replied replied,, “Bhaiy “Bhaiyaa Saab, Saab, I’ve I’ve come come to intervie interview w you. you. I’d like like to ask you you some questions.” questions.” He slowly counted the paans on the plate, then said, “You’ll have to wait for about two two hours. There There are still twelv twelvee paans left. left. It’s It’s a rule with with me to lie down down at noon and chew chew twen twenty ty paans paans.. a medi meditat tativ ivee act. act. It’s It’s also also a creativ creativee act. It can’t be disturbed disturbed.. I’ll I’ll finish finish the remaini remaining ng twelv twelvee paans paans in two hours — for you I might even do it in less time. But you must sit here quietly till then.” He closed his eyes again. I sat and watched watched his slowly moving moving jaws. jaws. Every Every ten minutes or so, he would open his eyes just long enough to grab a couple of more paans. After nearly two two hours he sat up and said, “Please do forgive me. you had to wait for long. But the fact is, I’m very firm when it comes to principles. I have a fixed schedule which I can’t give up at any cost. For example, every evening I sit on my terrace and engage in “mass-contact” as people go back and forth on their business on the street below. Similarly, I’ve made it a rule to worship Khadiji every day.” “Worship Khadiji? I don’t understand.” 1
Author’s note: There are three kinds of men — gentlemen, conmen and Congressmen. A gentleman, after he suffers a defeat at the hands of another person, looks only at himself, a conmen looks only at the other man, but a Congressman frequently does both. To remind him that a third person might also be looking at him, I publish this interview with a leader-type Congressman.
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He pointed to one corner of the room, “See there?” A miniature platform was set in a corner on which lay a bolt of khadi cloth cloth marked marked with kumkum kumkum and decorate decorated d with fresh flowers flowers.. In front, front, on the floor, lay a tray with items for performing an aarti. Bhaiy Bhaiyaa Saab said, said, “You “You know, know, I’m an old Gandhi Gandhian. an. I’ve I’ve not given given up my dharma dharma — unlik unlikee others. others. I still worsh worship ip Khadiji. Khadiji. In fact, in my house you can still find both Takliji and Charkhaji.” I asked, “Bhaiya Saab, I’m sure you’ll concede that there is much difference of opinion within the Congress party, that there are many cliques. Whic Which group group do you belon belongg to? to? In other other wo words rds,, wh whos osee prin princi cipl ples es do you you acknowledge acknowledge and accept?” “I don’t get involv involved ed in cliques cliques,” ,” he replied replied.. “I follow follow Pandit Pandit Nehru. Nehru. I act according to the principles he has set up.” I pursued the matter further, “What are those principles of Panditji’s that you are so devoted to?” Bhaiy Bhaiyaa Saab stood up. He put on the sherwani sherwani that was hangin hangingg from a hook, then inserted a bouquet of roses into one of its huge buttonholes. With a smile he said, “What better proof do you need? panditji likes roses. He alway alwayss has a rosebud rosebud in his buttonhol buttonhole. e. I have have a whole whole bouquet. bouquet. Bhai mer´e, e, I have absolute faith in panditji’s policies.” I changed the subject. “Bhaiya Saab, come election time and one always hears the demand that new blood should be given a chance — what’s your opinion regarding that?” He first gave a twirl to his white moustache, then said, “The young have no patience. Look, they have a whole life ahead of them to gain big positions. So why are they in such haste? haste? We, on the other hand, have have barely barely five to ten more years left.” Then Then he becam b ecamee sombre sombre and though thoughtt for a while. while. Finall Finally y he continu continued, ed, “Old “Old rice rice tastes better. In fact, I wa want nt to see the day when there would would be lines of ambulances in front of the assembly halls and ministers and MLAs would be carried in on stretchers. You see, the chief reason for the rebellion brewing in the Congress party is that some very old Congressites are unemployed. For example, Rajaji. Now you tell me, if Rajaji had a job today, do you think he’d be making so much noise? But the father-in-law of Mahatma Gandhi’s own son remains jobless. Isn’t that disgraceful?” He looked looked very very sad. A kind of piety piety mixed with remorse remorse showed showed on his face. Then, recovering himself, he said, “It will be a great loss to the public if all the old people were were to retire. retire. For example, example, if one day some members members of the general public get arrested for gambling, do you think a new leader would be able to get them freed? Of course not. Only an older man can get that done. Only he would have the necessary connections with the officials.” 53
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My second question was, “What programme do you have to fight the communalism of the Jansangh?” His face brightened up. With total self-confidence, he replied, “Even “Even Panditji Panditji lacks lacks the grip grip I have have on this this problem problem.. The antidote antidote to commu communa nali lism sm is casteis casteism. m. I used used this this tacti tacticc in my area area and deflated deflated the Jansangh Jansangh.. If they come with Hinduv Hinduvada, I counter counter with Brahmi Brahminv nvada. ada. As the saying goes, If you dance on every branch, I shall dance on every leaf. They can’t win against me.” And he guffawed with delight. I was very impressed by his confidence. He leaned forward forward conspiratorial conspiratorially ly and said, “You “You may say anything, anything, but caste and religion are eternal. They can’t be erased. But if Panditji says all are one, that’s right too — I’ll go along with that.” Now that I had some grasp of Bhaiya Saab’s clear thinking, I thought of asking some more difficult questions. questions. I began, “Bhaiya “Bhaiya Saab, your detractors criticize the Congress party and its government on several issues. For example they say ...” His fist clenched as he interrupted me, “I can force them to eat their words, and I have often done that. What are they saying now?” “They claim, for example, that our foreign policy of non-alignment has been unsuccess unsuccessful ful and that we ought to give it up. Please Please tell me wh why y did we adopt that policy in the first place, and how has it benefited us?” Bhaiya Saab bowed his head, deep in thought. I looked towards him for an answer. “You didn’t answer my question.” He raised his head and said, “I will. Just wait.” Then suddenly he got up and standing on top of the bolster, raised both his arms upwards, and shouted, “Gandhiji ki Jai! Pandit Nehru ki Jai!” I was flabbergaste flabbergasted. d. But he sat down with a calm calm look on his face and said, “Next question, please.” I wasn’t sure, but he looked so satisfied with his previous answer that I contin continued ued for his sake. sake. I asked, asked, “Bhaiya “Bhaiya Saab, Saab, the dissenters dissenters are alway alwayss very very critical critical of the public public sector sector of our economy economy. Can you explain explain for the common man the importance of the public sector industries in the nation’s development — what are their achievements so far and what do they hope to accomplish in the future?” Again Again he fell fell into deep thought. thought. Then, Then, as suddenly suddenly,, he jumped up and climbed climbed on top of the table. Raising his arms arms high he shouted, “Pandit “Pandit Nehru Zindabad!” Then he climbed down from the table, sprawled again on the mattress and said, “Next question, please.” I asked, “Will you throw some light on your policy towards China? Also, why do you think friendly ties with a Communist Russia are in our national 54
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interest despite the recent invasion by Communist China?” Once Once agai again n Bh Bhai aiy ya Saab Saab became became lost in though thought. t. Th This is time when he jumped up, he climbed on a chair and, waving his arms, shouted, “Strengthen the hands of Pandit Nehru!” Then he settled down on the mattress again and very calmly said, “Yes, go on please. I’m deeply interested in matters of policy and principles. I tear apart dissenters’ arguments like a blade of grass.” I said, “Bhaiya Saab, your goal is to create a socialist framework — can you delineate its outline in the context of the past three economic plans?” This time he climbed up on the sofa’s back and shouted, “Chacha Nehru Zindabad! Zindabad! Chacha Chacha Jawahar Jawahar Zindabad!” Zindabad!” Then he again settled down down on the mattress and said, “Go on.” I cast a glance around the room and lost my courage, but he continued to press me to ask him another question. Finally I said, “I’m afraid.” “Why, what are you afraid of?” he asked most gently. “Go ahead, ask. I don’t mind.” “The reason I’m scared,” I replied, “is that there are now only two things left in the room for you to climb upon — that huge almirah and I, your humble servant. But the almirah might be a bit too high for you. I’m afraid if I ask you you one more more questi question on . . . ” Bhaiya Saab burst into laughter. I took advantage of his gaiety and quickly slipped out of the room.2
2
“Gentlemen, Conmen and Congressmen” was originally published as “Sajjan, Durjan. aur Kangressjan” in 1965.
55
When the Soul Cries Out Sometimes Sometimes the weather weather changes suddenly and thousands of moths appear out of nowhere. Sometimes the weather changes suddenly and honesty rears its head from where it lay hidden under a hundred covers. Honesty and moths, suddenly they begin to buzz around — it all depends on the weather. This Th is March March,, for the first first time time in twen twenty ty years years,, our weath weather er chan changed ged so much that where there had been nothing previously, honesty suddenly popped up and began to buzz — where there had been only clay, suddenly a soul was born and began to make noises. Those who know all about weather say that this change is due to the forthcoming elections, that not until the second general elections are over will the weather change, that until then honesty and soul will continue to be extremely active. The other day, Harcharan, a resident of my village, told me that his soul was also crying out. Harcharan is a second term Congress legislator from our constituency. Harcharan said, “Bhaiya, Please write a nice statement giving reasons for my resignation from the Congress.” “And why are you leaving the Congress?” I asked. He replied, replied, “My soul is crying crying out to do so. The Congress Congress is murdering murdering the principles of our late, revered Bapu. The Congress can no longer protect our democracy. I’m a man of principles — you know that.” I was truly astounded. l had never even dreamt that I’d hear Harcharan talk of Soul, Principles and Democracy. Who knows what worse days might lie ahead for me! I asked, asked,“T “Tell ell me, Harcha Harcharan, ran, when did your your soul start start talkin talking? g? It had been dumb so far. Did you go to some doctor?” He said, “Bhaiya, day before yesterday I went to see the chief minister. I told told him, him, The principl principles es for which which the Congress Congress stands stands are being killed killed.. I cannot tolerate that. He replied, You You tolerated it until now. now. Just go on doing
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the same. I said, I can’t tolerate any further. Six other legislators belonging to my caste also think that principles are now being killed on a larger scale. The chief minister said, If you alone had told me that principles were being killed I wouldn’t have believed you, but since you have six other legislators with you you saying saying the same same thing, thing, I have have to beli b eliev evee it. I too wa want nt to protect princip principles les.. Why Why don’t we join hands hands and do it together together?? I’ll I’ll appoint appoint you a parliamentary parliamentary secretary. secretary. Will that protect your your principles principles sufficiently? sufficiently? I replied, No sir, how can one protect great principles with such a small post. You should at least make me a deputy minister — then I might be able to give the necessary protection. The chief minister said, No, that stage hasn’t come yet. yet. Well, ell, bhaiya bhaiya,, no sooner did I leave leave his bungalow bungalow than my soul began to cry out.” I asked, “Did it speak out loud and clear?” He replied, “Yes, bhaiya, very loudly. Those who happened to be nearby asked, asked, Who is saying saying such nice things? things? I replied replied,, It’s It’s the soul of this most humble servant of Gandhiji.” “And what was your soul saying?” I asked. “It was saying, You fool, for five years you’ve been sitting in the legislature, lature, but what have have you accompli accomplishe shed? d? Look at Khuman Khuman Singh. Singh. He’s He’s a deputy deputy minister minister now. now. You’re ou’re beginning beginning to get a bad name in your caste. The Congress is dead. It can no longer protect democracy. democracy. Today, oday, all principles ciples are being killed killed in the Congress Congress.. How How can they who can’t can’t even even make you you a deputy deputy minist minister er be expected expected to protect protect democracy? democracy? Get out of this this Congress.” Then he added, “For two days now my soul has been telling me the same thing. thing. I’m most most upset. Please Please write write a nice nice statemen statementt that I can use.” I said, “Harcharan, I hope you’re not being hasty. I hope you don’t lose this chance of becoming a parliamentary secretary.” He explained, “No, I have talked with people. The rebel group will form a new governm governmen entt in a fortnigh fortnightt or so. They have have promise promised d to make make me a deputy minister. A pure soul is a smart soul. None can deceive it.” “Which rebel group do you plan to join?” I asked. “I’ll remain in the middle and thus protect democracy from both groups. You know, know, these these days days I get more respect respect than I ever receive received d before. before. All sorts of big men come to see me and I get invited to many special parties.” I persisted, “But which party do you really like?” “All the parties are good, bhaiya,” he replied innocently. “They all serve the country. Members of all the parties speak nicely to me. Tikadamkarji of the Jansangh speaks nicely to me. Azad Sahab of the SamSoPa and Aandhi Behanji Behanji of the PraSoPa PraSoPa also also treat treat me very nicely nicely. To me they are all very nice. Anywa Anyway y, this talk of parties and platforms platforms is just needless pretension. pretension. 57
When the Soul Cries Out
Harishankar Parsai
I don’t believe in these distinctions. Except the Communists — I stay away from them. I hear they don’t get along even with god.” I prepared a statement for Harcharan, detailing his reasons for leaving the Congress party. He had it published in the papers. Some Some four or five five days days later later Harc Harchar haran an came to me again. again. He looked looked harri harried ed.. He said said,, “Bhai “Bhaiya ya,, my soul soul wa wass quie quiett for three three or four four days days,, but since yesterday my soul has again started to cry out.” “It’s a bad disease you’ve got, Harcharan,” I said. “What made your soul cry out this time?” He replie replied, d, “Bha “Bhaiy iya, a, the chief chief mini minist ster er sent sent for me two two days days ago. He ask asked my why why I had had left left the Congr Congres ess. s. I was fran frank. k. I told told him that that I had some fundamental differences with the party and that I can’t tolerate it if princi principles ples are killed killed before before my own eyes. eyes. He said, Principles Principles can’t can’t be protecte protected d on the other side either. either. The Opposition Opposition is a crazy crazy mess of odds and ends — anything can happen there. All those parties will start fighting among themselves and their cabinet will soon disintegrate. You won’t remain a deputy minister for more than a month or two. The Congress, on the other hand, is a stable party. Come back to us. I’ll make you a minister of state.” And Harcharan fell silent. I asked, “Then what happened?” He said, “Well, bhaiya, my soul began to cry out. O Harcharan, principles are getting trampled on this side too. The killing of principles in Congress is known to you. At least you have already had that experience. But the rebels might start destroying principles in some new way. That would be intolerable for you. Think for a moment — who sticks more to priniciples — those who are making you just a deputy minister or those who want to make you a minister of state? You should go back to the congress. I listened to my soul and accepted accepted what it told me. Please Please prepare prepare a new statemen statementt explai explainin ningg my reasons for returning to the Congress.” I protested, “But just a few days ago you sent a signed anti-Congress statemen statementt to the papers! papers! How How will you now contradi contradict ct yourself? yourself? What What can you possibly say?” Harcharan said, “You should write that the Opposition had threatened me and forced me to sign the statement through deception. They are in fact still trying to woo me. But I cherish the principles the Congress stands for, and only the Congress can benefit the masses. I’m returning to the Congress in order to preserve my principles.” I wrote his statement for him. I thought, now he would would become a minister minister of state and that would silence his soul for good. But four days later he was back. He said, “My soul is in great distress.” “What happened now?” 58
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“Something “Something terrible is about to happen. The rebels now have have the majority and the Congress Congress governm governmen entt is going to fall. fall. The rebels are also also willin willingg to make make me a minister minister of state. My soul repeatedl repeatedly y warns me that if I fail fail to join join them, them, our democracy democracy will will be destroy destroyed. ed. I’m not wo worri rried ed about myself, myself, but I cannot fail to protect democracy. Perhaps god desires that democracy should should be preserv preserved ed through through me. How How can I turn away away from such a great great responsibility. Bhaiya, you must prepare a new statement.” “And what reasons should we offer this time?” I asked resignedly. “Write the truth. After all, Truth always wins,” said Harcharan. “Write that the Congress people had threatened and deceived me and made me sign sign the previou previouss stateme statement nt under duress. duress. Tha Thatt the Congress Congress is destro destroyin yingg the country, and a patriotic and honest public servant like me cannot be a partner partner to such such destruct destruction ion.. Also Also add at the end that I wa warn rn the Congress Congress people not to try to woo me again.” Once again I prepared a statement. When only two days were left for the test of power in the legislative assemb assembly ly,, Harch Harcharan aran came to see me again. again. His face face was ashen. ashen. He said, “This time my soul is most persistent. It keeps saying, The Congress got the country its freedom, the Congress was nurtured by Gandhiji and Nehruji — so don’t leave leave the Congress. Only the Congress can benefit the country. country. Only the Congress can protect our democracy.” “What made your soul cry out this time?” “What can I tell you! It was the marijuana.” That Th at startl startled ed me. I knew knew that marijua marijuana na had made the souls souls of the Western youth cry out, but Harcharan’s soul? “Have you started smoking marijuana?” I asked sharply. “No, “No, bh bhai aiya ya.. The thing thing is that that two two days days back back someo someone ne threw threw a kilo kilo-gramme of marijuana into my room, and when I returned to my room the police suddenly suddenly appeared . . . Yesterday esterday the chief minister minister sent sent for me again. again. He said, You You seem to have have got invo involv lved ed in a serious serious case. What do you you say say now? now? What What would would you like like to enter enter — the jail jail or the Co Congr ngress ess?? I’ll I’ll have have the case withdraw withdrawn n if you come back to us. Bhaiya Bhaiya,, my innermo innermost st soul is piteously crying out, Harcharan, don’t leave the party of Gandhi and Nehru. Only the principles laid down by the Congress can bring good to the nation.” I asked “Have they promised to make you a minister?” He replied, “Why would they promise me anything, now that I’m in this marijuan marijuanaa mess. In any case. case. I’m not greedy greedy for position. position. I want want to serve serve the masses as just just an ordinary ordinary soldie soldierr in the Con Congres gress. s. Today our country country needs honest and faithful people to serve it well.” I prepared prepared his final statement statement.. Now Now Harchara Harcharan n is serving serving the nation nation as 59
When the Soul Cries Out
Harishankar Parsai
an ordinary soldier, eternally vigilant due to his Marijuana case.1
1
“When the Soul Cries Out” was originally published in Hindi as “Dal Badalnewala”.
60
Mufat Lal Goes For An Interview Our readers will remember that Mufat1 Lal had applied for the post of deputy deputy collector. Recruitments for all government jobs in the country were done under two two conditi conditions ons,, (i) when certain certain jobs had become become vacant acant and candida candidates tes were needed to fill them, or (ii) when special candidates were lying vacant and jobs were needed to fill them. them. Accordi According ng to Articl Articlee 2, section 11, subsection 3 of the Government Service Manual, a special candidate was “any job-seeking citizen whose qualifications are ordinary but whose connections are extraordinary — for example, he may be the recommendee of someone who either himself holds a high government post or has influence over such office holders.” As occasions would arise — to seek candidates for jobs, or jobs for candidates didates — the governm governmen entt wo would uld seek seek applica applicatio tions ns by adverti advertisin singg in the newspaper newspapers, s, under under the heading heading — Needed. Needed. The country’ country’ss newspaper newspaperss sold sold only because of these Needed advertisements. Any paper that didn’t have a single such such notice could find no takers. Some didn’t hesitate hesitate to cheat in order to increas increasee their their sales. sales. One newspaper newspaper frequen frequently tly printed printed in bold letters on its front front page, NEEDED . . . People People would would eagerly eagerly buy it, only to discove discoverr underneath the following in small print: . . . a moun mounta tain in,, by the riv river; er; . . . some some soil soil,, by the tree tree;; . . . a littl littlee grass, grass, by by the cow; cow; . . . a mother mother,, by the child child;; . . . some some clothe clothes, s, by the nak naked; ed; . . . two eyes eyes,, by the blin blind; d; . . . a coll collar ar,, by the dog; dog; . . . two horns, horns, by by the bull; bull; . . . a servan servant, t, by the maste master; r; . . . devote devotees, es, by by god. Who is there without a need? We all need something or someone.
In retaliation, another paper published a warning. 1
Mufat is the colloquial form of “muft” meaning free, gratis.
Mufat Lal Goes For An Interview
Harishankar Parsai
Beware Beware of Imitators Imitators!! Envious Envious of our large circulation, circulation, some newspapers have started deceiving our trusting public by publishing nonsensical statemen statements ts in Needed Needed columns. These spurious spurious ads contain no refere reference nce to jobs. jobs. We alert alert the citize citizens ns to this this fact fact and advise advise them to look for genuine advertisements and read entire texts before buying any newspaper.
Each job advertisement attracted several thousand applications, requiring two two to three years for them to be sorted sorted through. through. Then follow followed ed tests and interviews of the candidates. According to the rules, every candidate had to send in a note every three months, confirming that he was still alive. If any failed to do so, he was assumed to be dead and had his name deleted from the list. This made the selection process that much easier. And so, two years later, Mufat Lal received his copy of the letter from the secretary, Administrative Services Commission, sent to him through the Office of the Employ Employmen mentt Officer. Officer. The secretary secretary,, ASC, ASC, at the time was a 2 Shri Aspasht Aspasht . Below, we reproduce that letter. Administrative Services Commission Copy Shri Mufat Lal, BA Ref: Application for the post of a deputy collector You are hereby informed that your application was received in our office in due time. Pursuant to Section 17 of the Administrative Services Code, you must inform this office within three months as to whose man you you are and what what his his officia officiall rank rank is. is. Proper Proper certificates must be attached. Yours, et cetera. Aspasht (Secretary) Mufat Lal sent in the necessary necessary information within a week. We reproduce his letter below. To Shri Aspasht Aspasht Secretary Administrative Services Commission. 2
Aspasht Aspasht literally means unclear. Shri Aspasht here means “Mr Illegible.” Illegible.”
62
Harishankar Parsai
Mufat Lal Goes For An Interview
Sir, I am pleased to inform you that I am Kunwar Astabhan’s Man. I am just like a member of his family. As proof of this relationship, please find enclosed a photograph, in which I stand beside Kunwar Sahab. Yours, et cetera. Mufat Lal Obviously, every candidate tried to be the man of someone big . Th Thes esee big men came came in three categories categories.. Members Members of the royal royal family family, minist ministers ers and deputy ministers were in Category A. Members of the legislative council and departmental secretaries were in Category B. And those who could have any influence over the aforementioned people were placed in Category C. The categorization was not simply on the basis of rank, actual influence also counted counted for a great great deal. deal. For example, example, the personal personal ph physi ysicia cian n of the chief chief was obviously in a category by himself. Once all the responses had arrived, the applicants applicants were placed in different different categories categories according to their respective big men. To make clear how useful all this was, we reproduce below the entries concerning Mufat Lal.
Name Name
Administrative Services Commission Form B
Qual Qualifi ifica cati tion onss Age Age Whos Whosee Cate Catego gory ry Rela Relati tion onsh ship ip Gift Giftss To be man Taken Mufat Lal BA 28 Kunwar A Friend No Yes Astabhan’s
As the above makes it clear, anyone who was not someone’s man had no chance of being selected. selected. Usually Usually,, he didn’t even get invited invited for an interview. interview. But if any such person happened to have truly exceptional qualifications, he was summoned — in a show of fair play — only to be found unqualified in the interview. The interviews and selection were conducted by a commission of five sages, who received copies of all Form Bs, and accordingly set up two sets of questions — one for those who had to be taken, the other for those who had to be disqualified. The day for the interviews was announced and Mufat Lal received his notice. The commission met in a room in an imposing building. Outside, in the veranda, veranda, milled hundreds hundreds of candidates. candidates. Some stood around, others paced the floor, while still others sat down here and there, exhausted. Every candidate 63
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Harishankar Parsai
had dressed up as best as he could. Some looked as if they had just stepped out of a laundry, laundry, body b ody and soul. Some wore such colourful colourful clothes they looked like like actors actors waiting waiting to go on stage. stage. Some had put on brand new suits, suits, others others wore old but freshly cleaned ones. Then, in a class by themselves, were those who were in borrowed clothes. Some of them wore trousers, but walked as if they were wearing a dhoti, while others seemed to have even retained their dhotis dhotis under the trousers trousers.. Each Each candidat candidatee carried carried a fat bundle bundle of degrees and recommendations. A few had even brought their framed degrees. They were all perspiri p erspiring ng profusely, profusely, and continuously continuously patting their faces dry. dry. Every Every so often, some candidate would lean over the edge of the veranda and wring out his handkerchief, then he’d resume dabbing at his perspiring brow. Mufat Mufat Lal was totall totally y compos composed ed and confide confident nt as he arriv arrived. As he took his position on the veranda, he encountered a smart, handsome and impress impressiv ive-l e-looki ooking ng young young man. Mufat Mufat Lal casually casually asked asked him, him, “What “What are your qualifications?” The man said, “MA (First Class), LLB (First Class).” Mufat Lal was not impressed. To find out what really mattered, mattered, he asked, asked, “Whose man are you?” The young man was taken by surprise. Flushing with anger, he retorted, “Why should I be someone’s man? I’m not some domestic animal. It’s they who are described as Gopal’s cow or Kakkar’s dog. I don’t need an owner’s tag around my neck.” These sharp words didn’t faze Mufat at all. On the contrary, he felt pity for that unfortunate youth. Now the young man asked, “And whose man are you?” “Kunwar Astabhan’s,” Mufat Lal proudly replied. “And your qualifications? qualifications?”” “Do I need any other?” Mufat Lal rejoindered. The young man smiled. For the first time, Mufat Lal felt angry. He felt as if the young man’s MA (First Class) was was chasing his own BA (Third Class) down down a road. calling calling it all sorts of names. His voice voice dripped with poison as he said, said, “Listen, “Listen, it’s I who’ll be a deputy collector — not you. You don’t have a chance. But when you start starving and find you can’t survive on your smart looks, come and see me. I’ll appoint you as a clerk in my office.” The young man wanted to make some suitable retort but just then his name was called by a chaprasi. He patted his face with his handkerchief and strode off for the interview. Five sages were seated at a table. One of them asked the young man his name. name. When they heard his reply, reply, they looked looked at his Form Form B. Und Under er the question, Whose Man?, it said, No one’s. 64
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The interview began. One sage asked, “What’s the difference between the concept of maya in the vedanta and the concept of prakriti in the sankhya?” The candidate had not studied philosophy philosophy so deeply. deeply. He didn’t know that one had to be a philosopher in order to be a deputy collector. He, however, gave the question some thought and tried to frame an answer. The chief sage scowled at the delay and said, “You’re taking too long. Very dull!” The second sage asked, “How has Kant defined Pure Reason?” The candidate was dumbfounded. He hadn’t been a student of philosophy. He stared at the faces before him, while perspiration ran down his face. The second sage said, “He doesn’t know a thing. Totally dull!” The chief sage turned to the remaining two sages, “Would you like to ask a question?” “There’s no need,” they replied. “We’ve seen enough.” The interview ended. The candidate walked out with a long face. Mufat Lal saw him and made the sound of a goat. A bit later, the chaprasi called Mufat Lal’s name. Mufat Lal went in and stood before the five sages. When he told them his name, they consulted his Form B. In the Whose man column, it said, Kunwar Astabhan’s. The five sages looked at him with great affection. The chief sage lovingly said, “Why are you standing, son? Take a seat.” Mufat Lal sat down, and the interview started. One sage asked, “How is Kunwar Sahab?” “He’s fine.” Another sage asked, “What did you have for lunch today?” “Roti, chawal, dal, sabji, and some achar,” Mufat Lal replied heartily. Every Everyone one wa wass impre impress ssed ed by his promp promptt respon response ses. s. Th Thee chie chieff sage sage remarked, “How quick he is! Very smart.” The third sage asked, “Which is the best film in town these days?” “Chaudawin ka Chand , starring Waheeda Rahman, Guru Dutt, Johnny Walker and Helen.” “Shabash!” the chief sage said. “What a well-informed boy!” The questions stopped. The chief chief sage turned to Mufat Lal. “Son, we are all very very impressed to see how well-qualified you are. You’ve been selected. Now go and wait for your appointment letter. Remember, it can take anywhere from three months to three three years — or even even ten. Some people, people, in fact receiv receivee their letters letters when they’re close to their retirement retirement age. But since, you’re you’re Kunwar Sahab’s Sahab’s Man, you should get your letter very soon. Go, you have a bright future.” 65
Mufat Lal Goes For An Interview
Harishankar Parsai
Mufat Lal saluted the sages and left the room.3
3
“Mufatlal Goes For an Interview” has been excerpted from Rani Nagphani ki Kahani originally published in Hindi in 1960–62.
66
Honouring the Sahab What appeared in the papers
Last night, in Shanti Bhawan located in the main market of our city a function was organized by the local cloth dealers to honour the income tax officer, Shri Devendra Kumar “Kamal,” for his contribution to Hindi literat literature. ure. Pa Payin yingg homage homage to Shri Kamal, Kamal, Seth Babulalj Babulalji, i, preside president nt of the Cloth Dealers’ Association, said, “Shri Kamal is a great poet and litterateur. With With his fine poems he has has fille filled d the lap of Mother Mother India. India. Our Our city city has indeed been blessed that a poet of the rank of Kalidas and Tagore has come here.” here.” Respondi Responding ng to the felicitat felicitations ions,, Shri Kamal Kamal said, said, “In honouring honouring me, you have, in truth, honoured the Goddess of Art, Ma Saraswati herself. I’m endlessly endlessly grateful to you. I don’t know how I can ever return the great favour favour you have have done to me.” Following ollowing his remarks, local poets po ets recited their verses. Several Several dealers from the cloth market also read poems honouring honouring Shri Kamal. Finally, Shri Kamal gratified the audience by reciting his poems for almost two hours. The meeting ended with a reception. What didn’t appear in the papers
Shri Devendra Kumar came to the city as the income tax officer some eight eighteen een months months ago. ago. He was fond fond of poetry and used used Kamal Kamal as his pen name. name. Every Every evening evening his subordinate subordinate staff would would gather at his house house and list listen en to his his poems. poems. He wrote wrote a poem on the occasio occasion n of Diwal Diwalii last last year. year. It became so popular that he recited it until the festival came around again. The poem opens — “Beloved, you’re far away from me, how then should I light my lamp?” It made his wife very angry. She asked, “Who’s the wretch that you’r you’ree pining for?” for?” Shri Kamal Kamal gently gently explain explained, ed, “It is you. As the poet poet has has said said — you are near near yet yet far far away . . . ” Sh Shri ri Kama Kamall had had bu butt one one complaint. He felt that the city hadn’t sufficiently recognized his talents. Then one day, by the grace of god, a special circular arrived from the central Income Tax Office ordering that the records of every dealer should be examined most stringently, that taxes should be raised, and that severe action should be taken against anyone found hiding his true income. It caused great great commoti commotion on among among the dealers. dealers. Every Everyone one started thinking thinking of wa ways ys to
Honouring the Sahab
Harishankar Parsai
avoid avoid taxes. Fortunately ortunately, it turned out that Rasiklal, Rasiklal, son of Seth Surajmal, secretary of the Cloth Dealers’ Association, also had much interest in poetry. He also had close ties with Shri Kamal’s personal assistant, Shri Brajkishore “Brajendra.” Shri Brajendra too is a poet. He said to Rasiklal, “The sahab’s weakness is poetry. You should honour him as a poet. He’ll then be pleased with all the dealers and will go easy on them.” Subsequ Sub sequen ently tly,, last last week, week, a meeting meeting of the Cloth Cloth Dealers Dealers’’ Associat Association ion unanimously decided that there was nothing wrong in honouring Shri Devendra vendra Kumar Kumar “Kamal,” “Kamal,” as a poet. That, That, in fact, fact, it wa wass important important to let him know that they, the cloth dealers, viewed him as a very great poet. Consequently, last night, in Shanti Bhawan, a function was organized by the Cloth Dealers’ Association Association in honour of Shri Kamal. Hundreds of cloth dealers gathered in the hall, together with all the employees employees of the income tax department and a few local poets. Any dealer who was involved in some tax inquiry had received a special notice from the Association — Get someone to write a poem felicitating Shri Kamal, and read it at the meeting. The meeting started with Shri Brajendra introducing the audience to the literary greatness of Shri Kamal. Brajendra, still unconfirmed in his job, began, “I told the dealers that an extraordinary genius has arrived arrived in the city, city, and yet, unfortun unfortunatel ately y, the city city has failed failed to recogni recognize ze its good fortune fortune . . . ” Immediately he was interrupted by the president of the Cloth Dealers’ Associat Association ion,, who got up and said, said, “You’r “You’ree wrong. You didn’t didn’t tell tell us. We recognized recognized his greatness on our own. My son Rasiklal knows knows all about poetry p oetry and all that.” The two men started to argue. Seeing that the situation was getting out of hand, Shri Kamal himself calmed them down. Then the president of the association, Seth Babulal, felicitated Shri Kamal in the following manner. “As we honour Shri Kamal, our hearts are filled with joy, the same joy that fills the heart of an Indian Indian woman woman when she sees a Banarasi Banarasi sari. The colourful bunting and banners that you see here decorating the hall to welcome you, are made of calico, rayon silk, Madras jean, georgette and flannel. “Shri Kamal, for years the wish to honour you lay buried in our hearts like the actual details of our sales. This wonderful event kept getting pushed behind behind,, the the way a yardst ardstic ick k is when we measure measure a piece piece of cloth cloth.. It took us eightee eighteen n mont months hs to learn learn that that you you were were a poet too. In fact, fact, if the new order hadn’t come from the Central Office we might have never found this out. Everyt Everythin hingg happens at its proper time. time. For example. example. we alway alwayss sell more silk during the weddi wedding ng season. season. Likewi Likewise, se, when the right time comes we immediately recognize who is a decent person — just as we never fail to discover who his relatives are when some sales tax inspector confiscates our 68
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books. “There are other dealers too in the city — grain sellers, grocers, hardware merch merchan ants ts.. But they they all all failed failed to recog recogni nize ze that you you are are a poet. poet. We are differen different. t. After After all, all, calico calico cloth cloth is different different from ordinary ordinary linen. linen. Only Only cloth cloth dealers know know what art is. The previous sales sales tax officer used to paint paint pictures. He did a painting of Shiv and Parvati that looked just like the poster for the film Shankar Vivah . Our Seth kalum kalumal al had it reproduce reproduced d on his calendar calendar.. Later the Sethji was tried for not paying sufficient sales tax, but the blessings of Bhagwan Shiv were upon him and the case was dismissed. “Sir, “Sir, we have have a proud proud traditi tradition on of honourin honouringg our artist artist officers. officers. We are traders. traders. Our ties with officers officers should should be b e close close — the way way imitation imitation silk is tied in with with real silk. silk. We don’t know know what a poem is. The only only poems we listen to are those on the radio — about toothpastes and vitamin pills. But when Rasiklal told us that you are a poet, we immediately understood. “The other traders in the city, they too will have their income tax increased. creased. Their Their accoun accounts ts too are in a mess. mess. Some of them are even even involv involved ed in cases. But not one of them paid any heed to the fact that you are a poet. They have dishonoured you, while we offer you our deepest respects. Please don’t don’t ever ever forget that. We felicitate felicitate you with open hearts. hearts. Tonigh onight, t, even even those of us who are involved in cases will recite some sweet verses felicitating you. you. It is our good fortu fortune ne that that you have have grace graced d the occasio occasion n with with your your benign benign pretence. pretence. Please Please grace our stores stores too in the same manner — this is our humble prayer.” Responding to the address, Shri Kamal said, “Tonight, experiencing the love that you have showered upon me, I feel the same joy that an income tax officer feels when suddenly, in the dead of night, some trader appears at his door, bearing all his account books. Tonight I feel as if I have leaped over my senior officers and reached a very high position. position. Like Like the Urgent Urgent papers papers that lie forgotte forgotten n und under er my blotting blotting pad, there was a secret wish tucked away in my heart that I must someday appear before the traders in the guise of a poet. That such an occasion came after a very long time doesn’t bother me at all, for I was brought up on the precepts of Red-tapeism, whose first and foremost principle is — Delay. Tonight I feel as if the finance minister himself pulled me out from among thousands of income tax officers and asked me to make all the arrangements for paan on the occasion of his daughter’s wedding! “I know there is a big difference between you and the other traders. They only trade. You on the other hand are like a religious trust which is exempt from from incom incomee tax. tax. Th Thee addre address ss you hav have giv given me. I’ll I’ll hav have it framed. framed. It shall hang in my drawing room and guide me in my life, just as an old clerk guides guides his new officer. How How can I ever ever repay repay your kindnes kindness? s? But let me at 69
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Harishankar Parsai
least assure you that I’ll always look after you. You needn’t worry about the new orders from the ministry. “I offer you my heartfel heartfeltt thanks. thanks. On this occasion, occasion, I shouldn shouldn’t ’t forget Brajendra, my PA. It’s due to his efforts alone that I received recognition in this city as a poet. Just think what injustice could’ve occurred if Brajendra had not been my PA, but had instead worked under the sales tax officer. Then it wo would uld have have been him standing standing here, being honoured honoured by you! It’s It’s nothing nothing but a boon of Brajendra’s devotion that I’m being honoured tonight. I want to see him confirmed in his job. Once again I thank all of you. Have no fear. Do your business in peace.” After that some poets read their compositions. compositions. Finally Finally Shri Kamal recited his poems for almost almost two two hours. hours. The entire entire assembly assembly of cloth cloth dealers was drenched in bliss. Unfortunately, an untoward incident happened at the conclusion of this most beautiful beautiful even event. t. Seth Lapet´e Lal of Ram Gopal and Shri Gopal got into an angry argument with the president president of the association. Lapet´e Lal was heard shouting, “I have to appear before the sahab tomorrow still you didn’t give me a chance to read my poem! You only let your relatives read. I paid ten rupees for this poem. Now they’re gone for nothing.” But the sahab intervene intervened d and saved saved the situation. situation. Then everyone everyone went 1 home happy.
1
“Honouring the Sahab” was originally published in Hindi as “Sahab ka Samman.”
70
The Prospectus of a Proposed Private College May Goddess Lakshmi always bless us. We the present owners of Babulal, Chhotelal & Co are in the process of opening another new branch of our famous firm.1 It will be called Gobardhandas College. As the entire world knows, Shri Gobardhandas was our revered father. He has now departed from this world of illusion, and that has made everything meaningl meaningless ess — except except the firm itself. itself. We know know there there is not much much profit in education as there is in cement or sugar. Our merchant merchant brethren will consider it the height of folly for us to open an education store. They will ask, “Why are you opening opening a college college?? Why Why don’t you buy a stock of sugar with that money?” In a wa way y, wha whatt they say is true. Howe Howeve ver, r, we have have a somewha somewhatt philophilosophical attitude attitude towards towards everything. everything. One gets a human form after passing through eighty four lakh births — it has been said in religious discourses. That is why one ought to seek in life both what is selfish and what is eternal and spiritual spiritual.. But what is eternal eternal and spiritual spiritual?? The answer answer is, any any action action that makes people consider you generous, self-sacrificing and a servant of the society society.. It brings you you greater greater glory. glory. And that greater greater glory is eternal and spiritu spiritual. al. In our life life we must must do at least one such act to immorta immortaliz lizee our name. Our late father always had a great desire to become immortal, but during his own life he couldn’t couldn’t arrange arrange it. He was always always too busy with the firm’s work. wo rk. That responsib responsibili ility ty has now fallen fallen upon our shoulders. shoulders. We wish wish to immo immorta rtali lize ze our father. father. Earli Earlier, er, ever every y summ summer, er, we used used to set set up a free free water wa ter stand in his honour. honour. We are sure people people couldn’ couldn’tt have have forgotten forgotten the 1
Author’s note: A certain party is establishing a new college. It has already published one prospectus prospectus in the papers. But like its account books, that party party actually prepared prepared two different prospectuses. The other, private prospectus was tucked away in the true account book. Here it is published for the first time.
The The Pros Prospe pect ctus us of a Prop Propos osed ed Priv Privat atee Coll Colleg egee
Hari Harish shan ank kar Parsa arsaii
Shri Gobardhandas Water Stand at the intersection near the railway station. But then we realized that the water stand keeps our late father’s good name alive only during the months of summer — the remaining ten months he is totally forgotten. Even those who survive through the summers by drinking water daily from our stand don’t, in the winter months, remember the great favour our father did them. People are so ungrateful! The water stand cannot immortalize our late father during all twelve months months,, or for hu hundre ndreds ds of years years — though though it does cost so little. little. But has anyone ever become immortal through frugality? Then we thought we should have a dharmashala built in his name — not only will his name live as long as the building stands, but even if with the passage of time it sinks into the ground, some archaeologist in the future will dig it out and our fathers name will be enshrined in the annals of history forever. But then certain wise men advised us that there was much talk of socialism going on and there might be bad times ahead. If socialism arrives there would be no poor or needy — “Who would then seek shelter in your dharmashala,” they asked, “who would then remember your father’s name?” That’s why, after a great deal of thought, we have decided to open a college. The opening of a college will also remove a blot from our good name. Our late, late, revered revered father father was not literate. literate. Indeed, Indeed, it is a matter matter of great great shame that the man who carried carried the firm to such such height heightss wa wass illiterat illiterate. e. But when future generations see a college named after him, they will only conclude that Gobardhandas must have been a great scholar or educationist in the twentieth century. Why else would there be a college in his name? Certainly that kind of benefit cannot be gained from an orphanage or a dharmashala. We have contributed one lakh rupees for the establishment of the college. Of course, few people know that actually only forty thousand came out of our pockets — the other sixty would have gone to the taxman in any case. To buy the glory of a lakh by contributing only forty thousand, that was only befitting the memory of our revered father. We went went to our brethr brethren, en, the other other trader traders, s, and and aske asked d them them to help help us immortali immortalize ze our late late father’s father’s name. They They gladly gladly contribu contributed. ted. After After all, all, if it wa wass our father’s father’s cause cause today, today, it could be their their father’s father’s tomorrow. tomorrow. In this manner manner we collecte collected d three three lakhs. lakhs. Then we called called upon the educatio education n minist minister. er. The minister’ minister’ss great great grandfat grandfather her had been the accoun accountt keeper keeper in our great grandfathe grandfather’s r’s shop. We alway alwayss make make sure to remind remind him of it — lest lest he starts to forget. forget. Inciden Incidentall tally y, in the last last electio election n we made sure that our entire caste group voted for him. We placed our scheme before the education minister, then told him that we were still short of funds. The education minister minister replied, “Your “Your late father 72
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The The Pros Prospe pect ctus us of a Prop Propos osed ed Priv Privat atee Coll Colleg ege e
was like a father to me too. I have to fight my next election in that area. I need his blessin blessings. gs. I wa wass myself myself thinking thinking of immorta immortaliz lizing ing him by opening a unive universi rsity ty in his name. name. But if you’re you’re satisfied satisfied with just a college college,, I’ll I’ll be be happy to donate seven or eight lakhs on behalf of the government.” In this manner, at the cost of only forty thousand rupees, our father will gain an estate of some some ten or twelv twelvee lakhs. lakhs. The body may may have have died but, as the Gita says, says, the soul lives lives on. His soul is still function functioning ing with the same same professional professional acumen. It is our intention that the new institution should function in a professional manner. We want to make it an ideal institution. With that in mind we have have set up certain principles and rules for its administration. administration. These must be followed carefully. They are listed below. 1. The contract for the construction construction of the college will will go to the husband of our father’s father’s sister. sister. That is a must for us in order to be true to the memory memory of our late late father. father. When our father father had organized organized the construction of the Shiv temple through public subscription, its contract was also given to our phuphaji. 2. If for some reason the governmen governmentt interferes and gives gives the construction contrac contractt to the educatio education n minist minister’s er’s brotherbrother-inin-la law, w, the cement cement and bricks for the project should still be obtained only through us. 3. If, while the college is under construction, we have some building of our own going up, the supplies for the former may be utilized for the latter’s benefit. After all, the firm is one. 4. As long as our mamaji has his stationery store, all the stationery for the college college must must be b e bought from him. him. Our father father had great great love love for him. In fact, it was he who had inaugurated the store. It would greatly pain our father’s soul if the stationery were bought elsewhere. 5. In the college yard yard mango, papaya and jackfruit trees should be planted. All the produce must always be sent to our house. If the principal fails to do so, he may be sued for breach of contract. 6. Whenever Whenever there is a wedding wedding in our family, family, the college building will be vacated acated for the groom’s groom’s party party to stay stay. The charges charges for electricit electricity y, et cetera, will be paid by the college. 7. We will be the secretaries of the managing committee of the college, and after us our sons will get the jobs. This conventi convention on will continue. continue. Additionally, several members of the Management Committee will be from the clans of our parents. 73
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Hari Harish shan ank kar Parsa arsaii
8. Other Other members members of the Management Management Committee Committee should should have have only the remotest remotest connection connection with educati education on and learnin learning. g. Learned Learned men split split hairs and cause trouble. Further, since this will be a vocational college, the merchant class should have a greater hand in running it. 9. As it has been declared at the very beginning, beginning, this college college is a branch of our firm. Consequently, the principal of the college will have the same rank as that of the chief chief accoun accountan tantt of our firm. And the professor professorss will be considered equal to ordinary accountants. 10. The principal will will have to come daily to our store and greet us saying, saying, “Jai Ramji ki.” He won’t get paid for any day that he fails to come. If he is absent for fifteen consecutive days he will be fired. 11. Every professor professor will have have to come at least once every week to say “Jai Ramji Ramji ki” to us. us. An Any y profes professo sorr who does so daily daily will will have have a better better chance to be promoted as the principal. 12. All the chaprasis will work half the time at the college and the other half at the store. They shouldn’t object. After all, the firm is one. 13. The education of any boy or girl of our family will be the responsibility responsibility of the staff of the college college.. Th They ey will will have have to come to our house house to tutor tutor the children children.. Further, urther, they must must not only tell the children children the test questions but also later make sure that they get good marks, even from outside examiners. 14. The main job of the professors will be to visit us frequently to flatter us and to report on their colleagues. We’ll always be ready to listen to their backbiting, even if it is past midnight. 15. If perchance perchance any progeny progeny of ours turns out to be a failur failuree at business, business, the college must appoint him as a professor. We make these declarations in sound mind and in full control of our senses. We hope that everyone will cooperate in making the college an ideal institution. Iti. (Let any mistake be forgiven.)2
2
“The Prospectus of a Proposed Private College” was originally published in Hindi as “Private Kalij ka Ghoshnapatra” in 1965.
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Iti Shri Researchayah AD 1950 ...
Babu Babu Gopalchand Gopalchand was a big leader. leader. He had explained explained to the people — and the people had understood too — that if in the great freedom struggle he had not gone to the jail twice and served as an A Class prisoner, India couldn’t have become free. On the night of 3 December, 1950, in the seventh room of the third floor of his house, lying on a foot thick mattress on a three foot high bed, Babu Gopalchand was tossing and turning restlessly. No, he hadn’t become a victim of someone’s bewitching bewitching glances. He was suffering the pangs of planning. Recently he had raised some four lakh rupees from public subscription. That money was to be used to build a grand Martyrs’ Memorial, to commemorate those who lost their lives in the great freedom struggle. His plan was to have a poem full of patriotism and sacrifice engraved on the gate to the monument. And the problem besetting his mind was — whose poem should it be? There were any number of poets who had themselves gone to jail during the struggle and had written splendid poems on the subject — and could write new ones if needed — but Babu Gopalchand didn’t like their poems. “They don’t have power,” he would say. “They lack the power of the soul.” In desperation, he picked up the book of Akbar Birbal jokes that lay by his pillow and began to read. . . . Akbar said said to Jaggu Jaggu Dheemar, Dheemar, “Bring the most handsome handsome boy boy in the city to the court court tomorrow tomorrow morning. morning. If you fail to do so your head will be chopped off.” When he heard the king, Jaggu Dheem Dh eemar ar was scared. scared. How How wa wass he to fin find d the the most most handso handsome me boy in the city! city! He lay in despair despair on a cot in his veranda veranda when his his wife came came by. by. “You “You look. look. gloom gloomy y today today,” she she said, said, “has “has somethi something ng happened?” happened?” Jaggu Jaggu explain explained ed his problem. problem. His wife wife said, “So that’s what’s bothering you, such an easy matter? Just take our own Kallu to the king. There’s no boy more handsome in the city.” city.” Jaggu Jaggu liked liked her suggest suggestion. ion. He sat up, delighted, delighted, and said, “Look as that! What a simple matter and I didn’t think
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of it. Who can match match our darling darling son in looks?” looks?” Next Next morning, morning, Jaggu Jaggu presented presented Kallu Kallu in the court. court. It so happened happened that Kallu was terribly dark and had a face that was pitted with pockmarks. He also had a bulgin bulgingg bell b elly y, two tiny tiny eyes, eyes, and a flat nose . . . By now Babu Gopalchand was as ecstatic as Jaggu. He sat up and called to his son, “Gobardhan! Are you asleep? Come here for a minute.” Gobardhan had just then returned from a drinks party. He walked in on unsteady feet. Babu Gopalchand Gopalchand asked, asked, “Arr´ “Arr´e, e, you still write poems, p oems, don’t you?” Gobardh Gobardhan an wa wass dumbfou dumbfounded nded.. Dreadin Dreadingg that he might might again be b e reprireprimanded, he replied, “No Babuji, I gave up that bad habit.” “Listen, beta,” Babu Gopalchand said gently, “tell me the truth. There’s nothing wrong in writing poetry.” Gobardhan felt life coming back into his body. He said, “Babuji, I wrote a few poems, but people people didn’t didn’t appreciate appreciate them. Once Once as a kavi avi sammelan sammelan they booed me off the stage. After that I stopped writing.” “Beta, the world does that to every genius,” Babu Gapalchand consoled him. “They laughed because they failed to understand your complex poems. Now go and write a few verses on sacrifice and patriotism and give them to me by tomorrow.” Gobardh Gobardhan an continu continued ed to stare stare at his feet. feet. He said, “Babuji, “Babuji, I’ve I’ve never never written on such light topics. I write love poems, One of them is on Jahuran Bai, the singer. Will it do?” Babu Gopalchand was ready to explode, but somehow controlled himself and said gently, “These days sacrifice, renunciation and patriotism are in fashion fashion.. One should should write write on them alone. alone. It’s It’s also also becoming becoming fashionab fashionable le to write write on poverty poverty.. You may write on any any of these subjects. All I wa want nt from you you is a few few lines lines on sacri sacrific ficee and the love love of the land land.. I wish wish to use use them them for a national cause.” “Will they be published?” Gobardhan asked eagerly. “Engra “Engrave ved, d, not publishe published. d. I’ll I’ll have have them engrave engraved d on the gate of the Martyrs’ Memorial.” Now Gobardhan was truly inspired, By next evening he had composed four verses. verses. On reading them. Gopalchand Gopalchand jumped up with joy. joy. “Wah “Wah beta,” he exclaime exclaimed, d, “you “you have have captured captured an epic in these four lines. lines. It’s It’s like like . . . an ocean poured into a cup!” On 6 December, 1950, those four verses were engraved on the gate of the grand grand new new Mart Martyr yrs’ s’ Memori Memorial al.. Un Unde derr the verse versess was the poet’s name — Gobardhandas. AD 2950 ...
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In the research seminar in the Department of Hindi at the university, Dr Venus enus Nanda Nandan n was talki talking ng to his his fav favourit ouritee stude student nt,, Robert Robert Mohan. Mohan. (Readers (Readers,, by then such such intern internatio ational nal names were were fairly fairly common.) common.) Robert Mohan was doing research under Dr Venus Nandan. His subject was Twentieth Century Hindi Poetry. Mohan Mohan wa wass very very excited. excited. “Sir,” “Sir,” he eagerly eagerly said to Dr Nandan, Nandan, “thanks “thanks to the Department of Archaeology I have found a clue to the identity of the greatest greatest national national poet of that age. Un Until til now we had been floun flounderi dering ng in darkness. darkness. The written written tradition tradition has given given us incorrect incorrect informati information. on. Nirala, Pant, Prasad, Makhanlal Chaturvedi, Dinkar — the written tradition gives only these five names. But, in fact, that ungrateful age let its greatest national poet fall into obscurity. I’m about to bring bring him to light.” “You are an idiot.” Dr Nandan said. “And you are a fool,” replied his student. (Readers, by then such cordial relations between a student and a teacher were fairly common.) Dr Nandan laughed, laughed, then said said amiabl amiably y. “Robert, “Robert, you you must must tell me the whole story.” “Sir.” Robert Mohan began. “recently a magnificent Martyrs’ Memorial built in 1950 was excavated. The inscriptional evidence indicates that it was built to commemorate commemorate the martyrs of the great freedom struggle of India. On its main gate are four verses. Apparently it was the biggest memorial in the country. The entire nation, it appears, paid tribute to its heroes by building it. It must therefore therefore follow follow that the poet po et whose verses verses adorn adorn its gate must have been the greatest poet of that time.” “And “And the name of the poet?” po et?” Dr Nandan Nandan asked. asked. “Gobard “Gobardhand handas, as,”” Mohan replied, and pushed before his mentor the piece of paper on which he had copied the verses. Dr Nandan was very pleased. “Well done! Well done!” he exclaimed. “But now I need your help, sir,” Robert Mohan continued, “so far we know of only these four verses by this poet. What can I write about the rest of his work?” “That’s “Th at’s simple simple enough,” enough,” Dr Nandan Nandan replied. replied. “Just “Just say, say, the rest of his writings were lost in the tide of Time. In those days, poets were divided into small small cliques cliques.. But Gobardhand Gobardhandas as was by nature nature an extreme extremely ly simple and gentle gentle person. He ploughed ploughed his lonely lonely furrow furrow,, and never joined joined any any clique. clique. Conseque Consequent ntly ly,, the critics critics of his time did him tremendous tremendous injustic injustice. e. They They neglecte neglected d him complet completely ely.. He couldn’t couldn’t even even find a pub publis lisher. her. And when a few of his books did get published, other poets got together and, buying all the copies from the publisher, burnt them.” Mohan’s Mohan’s face lit up. “Should “Should I also also say say that Gobardhan Gobardhandas das had written written more than one hundred books?” he asked. 77
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“Of course course you you should. should. In fact, you should write write that he authored authored two two hundred books. Also, that in those days hordes of people filled with patriotic fervour used to sing Gobardhandas’s brilliant poems as they marched off to sacrifice themselves for the great cause.” “But “But sir, sir,”” Mohan Mohan said hesit hesitan antl tly y, “thes “thesee vers verses es are are rather rather poor. My conclusions might turn out to be wrong.” “Robert, don’t you know the first principle of research?” Dr Venus Nandan scolded him. “What is old is best. Only the present is not good enough. Further, the whole purpose of research is to find something that is not there. These verses don’t have any poetic beauty, and so you’ll have to find it in them. them. After After all, all, Gobar Gobardh dhand andas as was a great great poet. You can’t can’t treat treat him lightly.” Poor Robert Mohan was scared. Dr Nandan continued, “But Robert, you mustn’t forget to praise the great man who recognized the genius of the great poet and preserved for posterity at least these four verses. Who was the founder of that memorial?” Mohan consulted his notes and said, “Some leader named Babu Gopalchand.” “He must have been a great man,” Dr Nandan said, his eyes, closed in thoug thought ht.. “In that cliqueclique-rid ridde den n age, age, he must must hav have been a uniqu uniquee soul soul to recog recogni nize ze a negl neglect ected ed genius genius and giv give him him his his du duee honou honour. r. I wo wond nder er if it wasn’t Mahatma Gopalchand who gave shelter to that indigent but great poet and thus made him a target of his peers’ rage? They must have burnt with jealousy and said the nastiest things about him. I wouldn’t wouldn’t be surprised surprised if some of them even went on a fast outside his door — those were the great days days of saty satyag agrah raha, a, after after all. Th There ere may be some some reaso reason n to belie believe ve that Nirala wrote his poem ‘Kukurmutta’ only in response to that horrid situation. Dinkar, too, might have raised the same issue in that famous poem of his — ‘Kasmai Devaya Havisha Vidhema.’ You see, Robert, research moves forward on hypotheses.” And so Robert Mohan’s revolutionar revolutionary y research research was finally published, published, and through it the world came to know of Gobardhandas, the greatest nationalist poet of the twentieth century.1
1
“Iti Shri Researchayah” was originally published in Hindi as “Iti Shri Researchayah” in 1962.
78
A Journey with a Premi Jagannath Kaka and I were coming back by train after attending a wedding. We had gone along with the groom’s party. At the station, our companions quick quickly ly took over over an entire entire compart compartmen ment. t. Kaka Kaka said said to me, “If you you know know what’s what’s good for you, you, better find another another compartm compartmen ent. t. There There is no wilder wilder pack pack of animal animalss than a marriage marriage party party. One must keep one’s distance distance from them, them, particu particularl larly y when they’re they’re coming coming back from a weddi wedding. ng. Then they have had their taste of blood at the bride’s house and are ready to pounce on anyone anyone at sight. sight. If a figh fightt starts starts we might get thrashed thrashed along along with this bunch.” We went and found seats for ourselves in the sleeper coach. On the opposite bench were three passengers — an old woman, a young woman, and a young man. Kaka fixed his eyes on them. To get a conversation going, I said, “Kaka, it looks like America won’t stop bombing North Vietnam.” He paid no attention. After a while I cried again, “Kaka, the anti-Hindi agitation in Madras is getting worse.” “Sssh!” He continued to give the three passengers an intense look. Then, a few minutes later, he turned to me and said, “Beta, you want to entangle me in national and international affairs, but you should first sort our what’s in front of us right here. Tell me, what’s the relationship between this young man and the old woman?” “Must be her son.” I replied. “He’s being so attentive to her, taking care of her needs.” “No. he can’t be her son,” said Kaka. “He attends upon the old woman, but seeks the record of his service in the girl’s eyes. He is the premi1 of the girl. girl. Well, ell, not quite quite yet a premi, premi, but on the way way to becoming becoming one, for no one wastes time attending upon the mother after fully becoming a premi of the daught daughter. er. Th Then en he merel merely y asks asks,, as he wa walk lkss into into the the hou house se,, “How “How’r ’ree 1
A Premi is a lover or one who is in love.
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you. Amma?” and continues on into the girl’s room, saying, “How’s Sushma doing in her studies?” Kaka again fixed his eyes on the three. Suddenl Sud denly y he remark remarked, ed, “How “How sad! sad! In this land of ours, if one wishes wishes to find a place in a girl’s heart one has to go through the hearts of her parents. That can make make a wreck wreck of any young lover. lover. Remember Remember how Shirin’s Shirin’s father told her lover to dig a channel through a mountain and how that stupid Farhad immediately got going?”2 “But Kaka,” I tried to argue, “here it seems to have been all worked out. Why else would they be travelling together like this? I think the boy has it all fixed.” “No,” Kaka said confidently, “as yet the boy only knows them well. Probably he’s been going going to their their house. house. The old wo woman man might might have have asked asked him a few times to do some shopping for her. Perhaps, once in a while, even the girl gave him some sample of knitting wool and asked him to find out the price price in the market. market. Tha That’s t’s about all. all. You see, the poor b oy is still still in the stage of making an impression. He probably thought thought he would would get that taken care of during this journey. journey. Travelling ravelling with the girl, one can accomplish on a train in ten hours what would otherwise take ten years. All the daily little tasks tasks of life life come come up on a train train journey too. A candidate candidate can fully displa display y his talents on such an occasion.” What What Kaka Kaka said said wa wass true. true. The young young man had certainly certainly been putting on quite a show. show. He opened the window windows, s, turned the ceilin ceilingg fans towards towards the old lady, and opened two bedrolls and spread them on the berths. Then he went went and filled filled a flask with with cold drinking drinking water. water. When When he had paid the coolie, he had counted out an extra ten paisa, saying, “Here take another ten paisa. Poor man!” Perhaps he was telling the girl, I’m generous. Then he went and got some magazines. He gave the pile to the girl, but made sure sure to place place a film magazine magazine on top. The cover cover had the picture picture of a screen couple — the hero was holding the heroine’s hands. The girl took the magazines from him and began to flip through the pages. Kaka whispered in my ear, “Did you see that magazine? The cover? He’s saying to her, Wouldn’t it be nice if we too were holding hands like that?” I began to look at them more intently. “Beta,” Kaka Kaka continued, continued, “you shouldn’t stare at them that wa way y. It may cause offence. Let me do the staring. That’s the special privilege of old men. They may stare at any woman woman and no one can take offence. Behind the shield of our grey hair, we can do things that you young men can’t even dream of.” In the meantim meantime, e, the premi premi had gone and got some paan. paan. He offered the 2
Shirin and Farhad are famous lovers of a Persian romance.
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packet to the old woman. She took two. Then he offered it to the girl. She took one. The premi’s face took on a hopeful look. But he had forgotte forgotten n to get some tobacco tobacco for the old woman. woman. Hastil Hastily y, he got off the train, train, and rushed rushed to the paanwa paanwala. la. By the time he got some tobacco and climbed back, the train had already started to move. When he gave the packet to the old lady, she expressed some concern, “You shouldn’t have. I was worried.” “There was no need to worry,” worry,” the boy replied. “Anywa “Anyway y, I couldn’t couldn’t be be sure about getting any at the next station.” The old lady said, “Yes, “Yes, beta, I can’t can’t do without without tobacco. tobacco. Without Without it, paan has no flavo flavour ur for me. But you should should be more careful careful and not jump on to moving trains.” The boy turned and looked at the girl. Kaka whispered to me, “See, he’s telling her, For you I can jump off and on even faster faster trains. trains. I’m bold. I’m bold and brave brave and ready ready to lay lay down my life any time.” Just then the conductor in charge of the compartment came by. The boy jumped up and started arguing with him in English about his berth, “But I told you ...” Kaka explained to me, “Now he’s scolding the conductor in English. The youth of this land still believe that girls fall in love with those who speak English. Now, beta, let me ask you a question — What if he had fallen under the train at that time?” I replied, “What of it? Such sacrifices are common in love.” “How could it have been a sacrifice in love?” Kaka retorted. “He’d have lost his life for the sake of the old woman’s tobacco. tobacco. The trouble is, the youth of this land don’t even know know how how to die for love. love. They die in love love all right, right, but in a sickening way. Killing themselves for some other cause, they believe it’s for love. All right, what do you think he’ll do next?” “He’ll show off by pulling the alarm chain,” I suggested. “First he’ll throw the old lady’s shawl out of the window, then he’ll pull the chain to stop the train.” “No. Think harder.” “Probably he’ll hand out money to all the passengers.” “No. He’s already display displayed ed compassion when he gave the extra ten paisa to the coolie.” I thought some more, then said, “I know. He’ll sing a song.” Kaka Kaka laughed. laughed. “No, “No, he isn’t isn’t the singing singing kind,” kind,” he said. “I don’t think think you you know anythi anything ng about premis. premis. As for me, one look at a man’s man’s face and I can tell you how long he’s been in love, what stage he’s at presently, and what he may be expected to do next.” 81
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“In that case,” I rejoindered, “you tell me what his next move will be.” Kaka Kaka said, said, “Next “Next he’ll start a figh fightt with with someone someone.. He has displa displaye yed d his tender tender side, now he must must show the brute in him. him. If a man hasn’t hasn’t displa displaye yed d to his woman that he’s a wild animal too, he believes his total personality hasn’t emerged. This boy will now look for someone who’s weaker than him, He’ll then find some excuse to start a fight and beat him up. We should be careful, beta, for we too can become his victims,” “If “If he gets nasty nasty with with us, I’ll I’ll . . . ” “No,” Kaka interjected, “if you beat him he’d fall low in the girl’s eyes. It’s a great sin to mess up love.” “But it’s all right to let a stranger beat us up?” I retorted. Kaka said, “Well, if that should happen we must at least appear to have been roughed up by him. We must make sure of that. If we’re made to suffer some pain or shame for the sake of this premi, so be it. Of course, we should also try at the same time to protect ourselves.” Kaka Kaka and I sat up, alert. The premi was rolling up his steeves and looking around the compartment. At the next station a handsome young man came on board, carrying a small small suitcase. suitcase. The premi looked looked him over. over. As the young man passed passed him by, by, the suitcase suitcase rubbed against against the knees of the premi. The premi jumped up, boiling with rage. He grabbed the young man’s collar and swore at him, then slapping him hard across the face, he pushed him down. Kaka and I got up and stopped stopped the figh fight. t. We commiserat commiserated ed with the new man and made him sit near another window window across across the aisle. aisle. His face was red with anger and shame. The premi turned triumphantly towards the girl, but she was staring out of the windo window. w. He began to boast to the old lady, lady, “If they hadn’t hadn’t stopped me I’d have beaten him to a pulp.” The girl turned around, looked with contempt at the premi, then cast a glance at the newcomer. “Beta, our drama is becoming quite complex,” Kaka whispered to me. “It’s now turning into a triangular affair.” The premi was beginning to look rather perturbed. By now the girl had looked towards that young man several times. The premi took out his packet of paan and offered it to the old lady, but she had dozed off. He then offered offered it to the girl. girl. “No,” “No,” the girl said curtly curtly and gave him a withering look. Now the girl would look out of her window for a few moments, then turn around to look at the newcomer. He too would alternate between gazing out of his window and looking at the girl. Eventually, the two started watching the outside scene through each other’s windows. 82
Harishankar Parsai
A Journey with a Premi
“It’s happened!” Kaka exclaimed. “It’s happened!” “What has happened?” I asked. Kaka explained. “She has given herself to the weak. Women are strange. They give themselves to those who get thrashed. May god save us from their wiles. Now it’s all over.” The premi was in a bad state. He looked most rueful. He said loudly to no one in particular, “I myself feel very sorry that I hit him.” Kaka said to me, “Beta, this boy has lost out because of his manliness. Right Right now now he wishes wishes someone someone wo would uld rough him up. You’re ou’re alway alwayss willin willingg to help others. others. Why Why don’t you you get up and slap slap him around a bit? He’d He’d be eternally grateful to you.” “I can’t do that, Kaka,” I replied. “How can I hit him without any cause or anger?” “For his sake, beta, for his sake — the way a surgeon cuts up a body,” explain explained ed Kaka. Kaka. “The poor boy is desperate desperately ly looking looking for someone someone to give give him a beating. beating. Then Then he too might might deserve deservedly dly claim claim the girl’s girl’s compass compassion. ion. He’s been forced into competing with the fellow he himself beat up.” “Why don’t you give him a beating?” “It won’t help him at all if an old man does that,” Kaka explained. “He want wa ntss to be beaten beaten by some someone one young. young. An Anyw yway ay,, it’s it’s you wh whoo is alwa always ys championing the cause of others, not me.” Then Kaka got up from his seat and, stepping closer to the premi, said, “Bhai premi, if you think a good thrashing would help your lost cause, I can ask my friend here to help you out.” The girl burst out laughing. The premi too began to laugh. Kaka flopped back on his seat, looking sorely disappointed.3
3
“A Journey with a Premi” was originally published in Hindi as “Premi ke Sath Ek Safar.”
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Bholaram’s Soul This This had never never happened. happened. For millions millions of years, years, Dharmaraj Dharmaraj had been allotting homes in hell or heaven to millions of people on the basis of their karma or some some personal personal recommenda recommendation tion.. But this sort sort of thing thing had never happened before. Seated in front of him was Chitragupt, repeatedly wiping his glasses clean, moistening a finger with his tongue and flipping through the pages of one register register after another. another. But he just just couldn’ couldn’tt pin down the mistake mistake.. In sheer exasperation, he banged the last register shut with such force that a poor fly got squashed squashed between between its pages. Chitrag Chitragupt upt wiped the traces traces clean with a finger, then turned to Dharmaraj. “Maharaj,” he said, “our record is pretty clear. clear. Bholaram Bholaram’s ’s soul left left his body five days days ago. It also set out for here here with our emissary emissary who had been sent sent to bring it. Howe Howeve ver, r, somehow somehow it has failed to arrive.” “And where is the emissary?” asked Dharmaraj “He too has disappeared, maharaj.” Just then the doors were flung open and the emissary entered the hall. He seemed seemed utterly utterly distraugh distraught. t. His naturally naturally ugly face looked looked much much worse worse for all the toil and terror terror he seemed seemed to have have suffered. suffered. Chitrag Chitragupt upt shouted, shouted, “Where were you all this time? And where is Bholaram’s soul?” The emissary folded his hands suppliantly before Dharmaraj, and said, “Merciful One, how can I tell you what happened. I’ve never been deceived before, before, but Bholaram Bholaram’s ’s soul has made a fool of me. Five Five days days ago, when it left Bholaram Bholaram’s ’s body, body, I grabbed grabbed it and set out for this world. world. But after we came out of the city and just as I caught a fast upper current of air to come here, here, it managed managed to slip out of my fingers fingers and disappea disappeared. red. For these past five days I have turned the universe upside down but have failed to find any trace of it.” “Fool!” “Fool!” Dharmaraj Dharmaraj growled. growled. “For “For millions of years you’ve you’ve been b een fetching all kinds of souls, but now you claim that the soul of some decrepit old man managed to give you the slip?” The emissary bowed his head still lower and said, “Maharaj, I was ex-
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tremely careful. There’s no precaution that I didn’t take. As you know, even the most crafty crafty lawyer lawyer can’t slip out of these skilled skilled hands of mine. mine. But in this instance, it seems as if Indra himself put one over me.” “Maharaj,” Chitragupt intervened, “lately such things seem to happen a lot on Earth. People People send parcels parcels to friends friends,, but they vanis vanish h in transit. transit. Entire Entire wagons wagons of goods trains disappear. disappear. Another Another strange strange thing thing that’s that’s become common is that leaders of one political party kidnap leaders of another party and hold them confined. I wonder if that didn’t happen to Bholaram’s soul?” Dharmaraj gave him a scornful look, and said, “Looks like you too need retirement. What interest could anyone have in a worthless wretch like Bholaram?” Just then that eternally footloose sage, Narad, walked in. When he saw Dharmaraj Dharmaraj so agitate agitated, d, he asked, asked, “What’s “What’s bothe b othering ring you, you, maharaj? Is it that old problem of not having enough housing in Hell?” “No, that was resolved resolved some time ago,” Dharmaraj replied. “Lately these most ingenious people have been coming to Hell. Many of them are building contrac contractors tors who, when alive, alive, alway alwayss extracte extracted d full full paymen payments ts but left left the buildin buildings gs unfin unfinish ished. ed. Some are famous famous civil engineers engineers who wo work rked ed hand in glove with contractors on various five year plans. Then there are the overseers who supervised the work and collected wages of thousands of labourers who didn’t even exist. These men quickly put up any number of new buildings in Hell. I’m faced now with something more difficult. A man named Bholaram died five days ago. This emissary was bringing his soul here when somehow it gave him the slip slip and disappeare disappeared. d. He searched searched all over over the unive universe rse but couldn’t find any trace of it. If such goings-on continue, there won’t be any distinction left between right and wrong.” Narad Narad asked, asked, “Did “Did Bholara Bholaram m have have any arrears arrears of income income tax? Perhap Perhapss the Income Tax people caught hold of him.” Chitrag Chitragupt upt said, “Why “Why talk of tax when he had no income! income! Bholaram Bholaram died starving.” starving.” “Hmm. “Hmm. That makes makes it very very interesti interesting, ng,”” said said Narad. Narad. “Give “Give me his full name and address. I’ll go down and look for him.” Chitragupt Chitragupt read aloud from his register, register, “Bholaram. He lived in Jabalpur, Jabalpur, in a tiny house by the sewage drain, in the neighbourhood called Ghamapur. He had a wife, wife, two two sons sons and and one one daugh daughter ter.. His His age age wa wass around around sixty sixty.. He used to work in a government office but had retired some five years ago. His house rent hadn’t been paid for the previous twelve months and the landlord wass ready to throw wa throw him out. Just Just then Bholaram Bholaram passed passed aw away ay.. That was was five days ago. Probably the landlord, true to his trade, threw the family out on the road. You may have to look around a bit to find them.” 85
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Narad Narad had no trouble trouble finding finding the house. house. The loud wailin wailingg of the widow widow and and the the daug daugh hter ter made made it easy easy.. He stood at the the door door and and loud loudly ly said, said, “Narayan, “Narayan, Narayan. Narayan.”” The daughter daughter peeke p eeked d out and said, “Maharaj, go somewhere else.” Narad Narad said, “Beti, “Beti, I’m not seeking seeking alms. I wa want nt to ask some question questionss that concern Bholaram. Tell your mother to come to the door for a minute.” Bholaram’s widow came to the door. Narad said to her, “Mata, what did Bholaram die of?” “What can I say,” say,” she replied, replied, “he died of poverty poverty.. He retired five years ago, but never received any of his pension. He would post a reminder every week or so, but either he never received a reply or if a letter came it only said, “The matter is under consideration.” consideration.” We first lived lived on the little jewellery jewellery I had, then we had to sell our pots and pans. Now we had nothing left. Some days we’d we’d have nothing nothing to eat. Desperate and starving, he suddenly suddenly passed away.” “You can’t change things, mata. They were all the years he was given to live,” Narad tried to console her. “Maha “Maharaj, raj, don’t don’t say that. that. He still still had many many year yearss in him. him. If he had received his little pension every month, he could have supplemented it by working working somewhere — that would have have met our needs. We could have survived. But what could we do? He came home from work five years ago, but we’re yet to receive a single paisa in pension.” Narad didn’t have the time to listen to her woes. He turned to what was on his mind, “Tell me, mata, was he particularly fond of anyone — someone whom his soul would refuse to part from?” The widow replied, “One can be so fond of only one’s family, maharaj.” “No, “No, it can can be ou outs tsid idee the the fami familly too. too. I mean mean,, was ther theree an anot othe herr woman ...?” Bholaram’s widow glared at Narad. “Don’t be so loose with your tongue, maharaj. You’re a sadhu, not a rogue,” she said heatedly. “In all his life he never ever raised his eyes to look at another woman.” “Yes, “Yes, yes, you’re absolutely absolutely right to think that way. way. All good wives wives live by that precept, precept,”” said said Narad, with a laugh. laugh. “Now, “Now, mata, I must must take my leave.” The widow widow said, said, “Maharaj, “Maharaj, you’r you’ree a sadhu. sadhu. You’re ou’re gifted with special powers. pow ers. Can’t Can’t you you do something something to get his pension pension released? released? It would would feed these children a few days.” Narad Narad was moved. moved. He said, “Who listens listens to sadhus sadhus now? Also, Also, I don’t don’t have any followers here. But I’ll go to the office and give it a try.” When Narad arrived at the pension office, he went directly to the first 86
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clerk clerk he saw saw and asked asked about about Bh Bhol olara aram’ m’ss case. case. Th Thee clerk clerk looked looked at him him carefully, then said, “Yes, Bholaram did send in many applications but he didn’t put any weight on them — they must have flown away.” Narad said, “Bhai, what about these paperweights on your table You could have used one of them.” The clerk clerk laughed. laughed. “You’ “You’re re a sadhu. sadhu. You don’t know know the wa ways ys of the world. wo rld. App Applic licati ations ons are not kept in place place by paperweig paperweight hts. s. An Anyw yway ay,, you you should talk to that babu over there.” Narad went to the other babu. He sent him to a third man, who directed him to a fourth person, who in turn asked him to see a fifth man, and so on. After Narad had been to see some thirty or so different clerks, a peon took pity pity on him. He said, “Maharaj “Maharaj wh why y did you get yourse yourself lf involv involved ed in this this mess? You may go round and round like this for a whole year, but it won’t get you anywhere anywhere.. You should see the chief chief sahab. If you manage to please please him, your work will he done in an instant.” Narad Narad strode over over to the office of the chief chief sahab. The peon outside outside the door was dozing dozing on his stool, so Narad had no trouble trouble getting getting in. But the chief chief sahab was not pleased. pleased. “You “You take this for some temple of yours?” yours?” he asked with annoyance. “Why didn’t you first send in your card?” “How could I” Narad replied. “The peon was asleep.” “So what’s your problem?” the chief asked rather regally. Narad explained the case of Bholaram’s withheld pension. “You’re a sadhu,” the chief sahab replied, “you don’t understand how things are done in government government offices. The fault lies with Bholaram. You see, this place, too is like a temple. Here too one must make offerings. You seem to be close close to Bholaram Bholaram.. You should should put some some weight on his applications. Then they will stay in place and won’t fly away.” Narad thought, Here we go again, talking about weights! Seeing the perplexed look on Narad’s face, the chief sahab continued, “Look, this involves government money. A pension file must go to countless differen differentt offices. It takes takes a long long time. Delay Delayss happen. Sometim Sometimes es the same note must be copied and entered entered twenty twenty different different times. Only then can one be sure of the final decision. You might say, the amount of any pension equals the cost of the stationery required for the paperwork. Of course, things can be expedited. expedited. But . . . ” He stopped stopped and gave gave Narad Narad a meaning meaningful ful look. look. “But what?” asked Narad. “It requires some weight ,” ,” the chief sahab replied, with a smile. “Let me expla explain in.. Take ake this this fin finee veena eena of yours yours,, it too can be used used as a weig weight ht on Bholaram Bholaram’s ’s applicati application. on. My daughter daughter is taking taking music music lessons lessons.. I can give it to her. It’s after all a sadhu’s veena. It should produce lovely music.” The sudden prospect of losing his veena made Narad nervous, but he 87
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quickly recovered his poise. “Here, take it,” he said, placing the veena on the table. table. “Now, “Now, please please issue issue an order order righta rightawa way y for the release release of Bholaram Bholaram’s ’s pension.” The chief sahab was delighted. He offered Narad a chair, took the veena and put it in one corner corner of the room. He then presse pressed d a bell. bell. When the the peon arrived, the chief sahab ordered, “Get the file on Bholaram’s pension from the head clerk.” A few minutes minutes later, the peon came back with the file. It was bulging bulging with the two hundred hundred or so petitions petitions that Bholara Bholaram m had sent. sent. It also contained contained all the necessary papers for the final approval. The chief sahab checked the name on the file, then to make sure that there was no mistake he asked Narad, “What was the name again?” Narad thought the chief sahab was perhaps short of hearing. He cleared his throat and said somewhat loudly, “Bholaram.” Suddenly a thin voice came out of the file, “Who is it? Is it the postman? Have the orders come?” Narad was startled, startled, but the next instant he understood everything. everything. “Bholaram?” he asked. “Are you Bholaram’s soul?” “Yes, I am,” came the reply. “I am Narad. Narad. I have have come come to take take you you to Dharma Dharmaraj. raj. Come, Come, they are waiting for you in Heaven.” “I can’t come,” come,” the voice replied replied.. “I’m “I’m caught caught up in my pension pension case. I 1 can’t abandon my file and go off elsewhere.”
1
“Bholaram’s Soul” was originally published in Hindi as “Bholaram ka Jeev” in 1954.
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Tiny Tales The Right Punishment An artist committe committed d a serious serious crime and was brought brought before before the king. The king asked his minister. “Shall we send him to jail for three years?” “His “His is a seri serious ous crime, crime, mahar maharaj,” aj,” the mini ministe sterr repli replied. ed. “Th “Three ree years ears won’t be enough.” “Let it be ten years then,” the king said. “No, maharaj, ten years aren’t enough either.” “Well, should it be for life?” “Even that’s not enough, maharaj” “Should he be hanged?” “No, maharaj, that’s still not enough.” The king seas exasperated. “What can be worse than that?” he asked. “Let him be tied to a post,” the minister replied, “then have someone praise other artists before him.”
The Right Medicine The great poet, Anangji, was on his death bed. His doctors had declared that he had, at the most, only an hour to live. His wife begged them to give her husband something that would keep him alive for a few more hours, just long enough for him to meet their son who was arriving by the evening train. The doctors regretfully told her that they had no such medicine. Just then a friend of Anangji came to see him. He said, “I can easily keep him alive for several hours.” The doctors laughed. “That’s impossible,” they said. The friend said, “Let me at least try. Please leave me alone with him.” They left the room.
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The friend sat down by Anangji’s bed and whispered to him, “Anangji, you’re you’re about to leave leave us foreve forever. r. We’ll e’ll never never get to hear your your sweet sweet voice voice again. Please recite a few verses before you pass away.” No sooner had the friend spoken the words than Anangji sat up. He said, “I don’t quite quite feel up to it, but of course course I can’t say no to you. Please Please get me my notebook from the shelf.” The friend brought him the notebook and Anangji started to read him his verses. Hour followed hour. The evening train arrived, and with it Anangji’s son. When the son entered the room he found his father sitting on the bed, reciting a poem, but the father’s friend had fallen to the floor, dead.
A Boy of Destiny A woman took her young son to a fortune teller and said, “Panditji, please tell me the future of this boy. What will he become when he grows up?” The fortune teller replied, “Ma, tell me about his habits. Have you seen him do anything unusual?” The woman said, “Often at night he suddenly cries out — Awake! Move Forward!” “When “When he cries cries out these words. words.”” the fortune fortune teller teller asked, asked, “does he do anything anything himself?” himself?” “No, “No, he doesn’t,” doesn’t,” the wo woman man replied. replied. “He stays stays sound asleep, asleep, doesn’t move a limb — he lies there like a rock” The fortune fortune teller teller remained remained silen silentt in thought thought for a few moments. moments. Then he said, “Ma, your son’s future is very bright.” “What will he be, Panditji?” the woman asked eagerly. “The leader of a democracy.”
Caste A factory was set up, and a housing colony was built for all the employees. From Thakurpu Thakurpura ra came came Tha Thakur kur Sahab. Sahab. From Brahmin Brahminpuri puri came Pa Pannditji. They joined the factory and lived in the colony in adjoining blocks. Thakur Sahab had a son. Panditji had a daughter. The two met and got to know each other. They decided they should get married. When When Pa Pandi nditji tji heard their decision, decision, he said, said, “No, “No, that’s that’s impossible. impossible. A brahmin’s daughter marrying a thakur? Never! We’ll lose our caste.” Thakur Tha kur Sahab responded responded similarl similarly y, “Neve “Never. r. We’ll e’ll lose lose our caste if you you marry outside it.” 90
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A third third person person tried tried to reason reason with them. them. He said, said, “Look, “Look, both the boy and the girl girl are mature, mature, sensibl sensiblee and educated. educated. Let them get married. married. Suppose Suppo se they don’t marry marry,, but contin continue ue to meet secretly secretly and somethi something ng happens — won’t that be fornication?” “So what!” what!” Tha Thakur kur Sahab and Panditji Panditji retorted. retorted. “Forni “Fornicati cation on doesn’t make you lose your caste, marriage does.”
The effigy In a certain city in a certain raj, the police was so brutal with the people that they decided to burn the effigy of the police minister. The built his effigy. It was huge and had a horrible face. The administration imposed Section 144 of the Indian Penal Code and the police confiscated the effigy. But now the police was faced with a dilemma — what should it do with the effigy? The constables went to their officers and asked, “Sir, this effigy takes up too much space. Should we burn it or should we take it apart? The officers officers said, “Are you crazy? crazy? It is the minister minister sahab’s sahab’s effigy! effigy! We can’t burn it. You want to lose your jobs?” Then the festival of Dushehra came around, and with it the enactment of Ramlila. A senior police officer had a brainwave. He sent for the organizers and said, “You need an effigy of Ravana, don’t you? Take this one here. All it needs is nine more heads — you can easily provide those yourselves.”
The sorrow The office workers were very gloomy that day. One of them had been transferred to another city. He was a very decent man. His colleagues organized a small small function function to bid him farewell farewell.. Some of them gave gave speeches speeches.. They said it seemed as if they were losing a brother. A man sitting by himself in a corner was crying bitterly. bitterly. His tears seemed endless. Someone said to him, “His impending departure seems to have really hit you.” “Yes,” the man replied, between sobs. “You must have been very close to him?” “No.” “Then why are you crying so?” 91
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“The bastard’s going on a promotion, that’s why,” the man replied, almost choking on his words.1
1
“Tiny “Tiny Tales” contains contains some “short” short stories stories from Laghu Laghu Kathayen originally publis published hed in Hindi. Hindi. “The “The Right Right Punishme Punishment” nt” was published published as “Dand” “Dand” in 1965, 1965, “The “The Right Medicine” as “Dava” in 1964, “A Boy of Destiny” as “Honhaar” in 1966, “Caste” as “Jaati”, “The Effigy” as “Pulis Mantri ka Putla” and “The Sorrow” as “Dukh” in 1965.
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A Fast Unto Death We present below a chapter from the book Our Glorious Ancestors, publis published hed in 3002 AD. To To quote from it’s it’s Prefa Preface ce — “. . . the glory glory of our ancestors is inscribed in silver letters on the pages of history. Their resoluteness, their sacrifice, the nobility of their character can be glimpsed in this book. Like lamp posts they light the road for our children.”
This happen This happened ed in 1960. 1960. In a certai certain n city city,, a certai certain n Gobar Gobardha dhan n Babu Babu wass the chairman wa chairman of the municip municipal al corporation. corporation. He wa wass well well known known for his services to society. society. During his tenure tenure only his kinsmen had been b een appointed to civic positions and his relatives alone handled all the contracts issued by the corporation corporation.. In the same same city there also lived lived a Seth Kishori Kishori Lal, Lal, a wholesal wholesalee dealer dealer in textiles. textiles. He was a devoutl devoutly y religiou religiouss man, man, and thanks to Gobardhan Babu, all his goods could enter the city without paying any octroi duty. Naturally, the two were great friends. One One day day Goba Gobardh rdhan an Babu Babu wa wass visi visiti ting ng Seth Seth Kish Kishori ori Lal. Th Thee Sethji Sethji complained complained to him that the new octroi inspector had caused him some trouble a few times. Gobardhan Gobardhan Babu said, “You’v “You’vee done the right thing in letting me know I like to hear all complaints personally. I shall reprimand that man right away!” After some more similar chit chat, Gobardhan Babu said, “Sethji, god has given given you everything everything — wealth, wealth, prestige, children, a happy family. family. There’s just one thing that’s still missing,” “And what’s that?” Kishori Lal asked. “You’ve not yet been immortalized. You ought to get it done now.” “How “How can that be?” the Sethji Sethji spoke in philosoph philosophical ical tones. tones. “Who has ever been immortalized in this world? One who has come in this world must also leave, whether he is a king or a pauper.” “What I meant was,” Gobardhan Babu said, “that your name should be immortalized. You, of course, may die, but your name must live on.” “Well “Well,, it shall shall live on,” the Sethji responded responded innocen innocently tly.. “My son will will alway alwayss write write it in the paternity paternity column column on contrac contractt forms. forms. I’ll I’ll also also have have it
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put on the signboard over the shop.” “That’s fine,” Gobardhan Babu persisted, “that’s fine. But what I mean is that you should be immorta immortaliz lized ed in the public’s public’s eve. eve. The people should should remember you and sing your praises for centuries.” “Yes, I’d also like that,” Seth Kishori Lal responded. “But how can that be? I haven’ haven’tt done anyth anythin ingg . . . ” “You “You leave leave that to me,” me,” Gobardh Gobardhan an Babu interrupt interrupted. ed. “I have have a plan plan that will immortalize you and also cost you very little. The corporation has decid decided ed to have have a statu statuee of Mahatma Mahatma Gandhi Gandhi set up in Azad Azad Pa Park rk.. Th That at should should cost three to four thousand thousand rupees. rupees. Now, Now, if you you donate donate the statue, statue, your your name gets engrav engraved ed on its base. For centurie centuriess to come, those who’ll learn learn about about Gandh Gandhij ijii will will also come to know know of you. Your our name name will will be taken in the same breath with Gandhiji’s. People will bow their heads before it.” The Sethji fell into a reverie. “The statue,” Gobardhan Babu pressed on, “will be unveiled by Bhaiya Sahab. Sah ab. You know know wh whoo he is. His His word is suprem supremee in the Congres Congresss party party these these days. He can make anyone anyone an MLA, MLA, or even even an MP. MP. If he’s he’s pleased pleased with you he’ll get you elected as an MLA in the next elections. He may even make make you you a minist minister. er. As wise men have have said, said, One should should alway alwayss do what benefits one in this birth and also the next.” Seth Seth Kisho Kishori ri Lal Lal coul could d no long longer er hesi hesitat tate, e, “As “As you you wish wish,, Gobar Gobardha dhan n Babu, Babu,”” he said said humbl humbly y, “I accept. accept. You get get the statue statue made made,, I’ll I’ll pay for it.” The statue statue was made. Co Cove vered red with a sheet sheet of cloth, cloth, it wa wass placed on a platform in Azad Park. Gobardhan Gobardhan Babu fixed a time with Bhaiya Bhaiya Sahab for the unveiling ceremony. He also had a fenced flower garden laid out around the statue. It had a small gate that faced the front of the statue. One day before the unveiling ceremony, Gobardhan Babu went to the park with a stone cutter and instructed him to carve into the base of the statue, on the side facing the gate, the following words, “Erected during the tenure and through the efforts of Babu Gobardhan Das.” The man had just started when seth Kishori Lal arrived. “What’s going on?” the sethji asked, and took the paper from the stone cutter’s hand. As he read, his face flushed with anger. “Why are you getting this carved?” he asked. “Is the statue mine, or yours?” “It’s yours, that’s true,” Gobardhan Babu replied. “And your name will also be engraved.” “Where?” the sethji asked. “Ther “T here, e,”” Gobar Gobardha dhan n Babu Babu point pointed ed towa towards rds the the back back of the statu statue, e, “ther “theree . . . it will will be carve carved d there. there.”” 94
Harishankar Parsai
A Fast Unto Death
“Oh yes!” the sethji said, with some sarcasm. “The name of the one who paid for it will be on the back, but the name of the one who didn’t spend a paisa paisa will be in the front! front! So when people come come through through the gate they see your name first. Hunh?” Gobardhan Babu tried to reason with him, “After all, sethji, I’m the chairm chairman an of the municip municipal al corporation corporation — the first citizen citizen of the city city. I too have some prestige, don’t I?” “That I understand very well,” the sethji responded, with some heat. “You can’t make a fool of me that easily. Now listen. Here, facing the gate, should be my name. If that’s not done, I’ll take the statue home.” Gobardhan Babu knew when he was defeated. He had Seth Kishori Lal’s name carved on the front and his own on the back. The carver had not yet finished finished when a man arrived arrived with a letter letter from Bhaiy Bhaiyaa Sahab. Sahab. Gobardh Gobardhan an Babu Babu smil smiled ed as he read it, then then he handed handed it to the sethj sethji. i. Bh Bhai aiy ya Sahab Sahab had written, “It’s been my experience that often the name of the person who inaugura inaugurates tes gets carved carved together together with with the names names of other other people. people. That is patently wrong. The name of the inaugurator should be the most prominent and also all by itself. Anyone coming to the site should first see the name of the person who inaugurated it.” “Well?” “Well?” There was a triumphant triumphant ring to Gobardhan Gobardhan Babu’s voice. voice. But the sethj sethjii remain remained ed firm. firm. “Wel “Welll what?” what?” he retort retorted ed.. “Who “Who paid for for the statue, I or Bhaiya Sahab? Put his name there, on the left side of the base.” And he marched off. With a heavy heart, Gobardhan Babu had the names carved the way he had been instructed instructed.. The unveil unveiling ing was to take place place in the morning. morning. All night long, Gobardhan Babu remained busy completing the arrangements. Tents ents were put up. Cha Chairs irs were were laid out. The space space around the statue was gaily decorated. Seth Kishori Lal arrived arrived a bit early and went straight straight to the statue. What he saw left him dumbfounded. dumbfounded. During the night night the gate in front of the statue had been closed. Instead, a new gate had been constructed facing facing the statue’s back. Once again, his name was not the first to be seen. “Gobardhan Babu!” the sethji shouted. “Please come here.” Gobardhan Babu came somewhat sheepishly. “You “You have have again again deceiv deceived ed me!” Seth Kishori Kishori Lal bell b ellow owed. ed. “Is there no limit to your tricks? Why did you move the gate overnight to the other side?” Gobardhan Babu tried to soothe him. “You see, one shouldn’t come face to face with a great great person person suddenl suddenly y. The visitors visitors will now approac approach h from the back, back, walk walk around around one side and and only then step step before . . . ” “But they’ll see your name first!” Kishori Lal interrupted him vehemently. “Look here, Gobardhan Babu. I won’t let the ceremony take place until my 95
A Fast Unto Death
Harishankar Parsai
name is in the front front again. If you contin continue ue to persist, persist, I’ll simply simply take the statue home.” People eople had starte started d to arriv arrive. e. Some Some of them them had had saun saunter tered ed over over and were were now now listeni listening ng to the exchange. exchange. Just Just then Bhaiya Bhaiya Sahab’s Sahab’s car arrive arrived. d. He walked walked over over to the two two lumina luminaries ries and asked. asked. “What “What is the problem problem,, Gobardhan Gobardhan Babu?” Seth Kishori Lal said, “Bhaiya Sahab, if the gate isn’t moved to the front of the statue statue I wo won’t n’t let the inaugura inauguration tion take take place. place. I’ll I’ll start a fast fast un unto to death right here to get justice done.” Now Gobardhan Babu also became adamant, “No, the gate will remain where it is. I too will go on an indefinite fast for the sake of justice.” Bhaiya Sahab grasped the situation. “You’re wrong,” he declared, “both of you. The gate should face the side where my name is. It is I who have the most importan importantt task to perform perform here. These These hu hundre ndreds ds of people people have have come here because because of me, not because of you. Please Please move move the gate immediat immediately ely so it faces my name.” Thee confli Th conflict ct became became trian triangul gular. ar. It was a test test for for both both the sethji sethji and Gobardhan Babu. But the two remained staunch in their resolve. They said, “No, that can’t be done.” When he heard that, Bhaiya Sahab quickly climbed up to the rostrum and began to address the crowd, “Friends, we’re suddenly faced with a serious ethical ethical problem. problem. This This is the questio question n — whose whose name should should face the gate? gate? Seth Kishori Lai, Babu Gobardhan Das and your humble servant — each of us believes that the gate ought to face his name. All three of us are on the path of Truth. Truth has many faces — this person looks at one face, that at another. But the question is, whose Truth is supreme? It’s a tough question. But no question is so difficult that it can’t be resolved through nonviolent means. And so, the three of us have vowed to go on a fast unto death right here. here. We’ll e’ll put moral moral pressure pressure on each other and thus try to bring bring about a change change of heart. heart. The one who succeeds succeeds in changing changing the hearts of the other two will have the gate placed facing his name. ”Frien ”Friends, ds, it’s your your duty duty to immedi immediatel ately y set up a Peace Peace Committee Committee.. It should first place marigold garlands around our necks, then arrange to have ghee lamps lamps lit here. Next Next it should organize organize a chorus chorus to sing sing contin continuous uously ly that great favouri favourite te of Mahatma Mahatma Gandhi Gandhi,, the Ramdhun. Ramdhun. It will also be the Peace Committee’s job to publicize our fast and keep a watch on us to make sure that we strictly strictly follow follow the rules. Most importan importantly tly,, it should find out rightaway from each of us the name of the person from whose hands he would eventually like to receive the orange juice to break his fast. As for me, I have gone on a fast seventy three times in the past. In no instance did I break my fast at the hands of anyone lower in rank than that of a chief minister. 96
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A Fast Unto Death
“Friends, we three are risking our lives for the sake of Truth and Justice. We hope that you too will do what is your duty.” The three fasters fasters settled settled down under a tent. tent. Garlan Garlands ds were put around around their their necks. necks. Ghee Ghee lamps were were lit. A chorus chorus also started started to sing — Sab ko elegramss were sent sent to spread the news. news. Newsme Newsmen n sanmati de bhagwan . . . Telegram and photographers photographers began to arrive. Every morning morning the chairman of the Peace Committee would go to each of the fasting person and ask, “Sir, has there been a change of heart in you?” Thee answer Th answer was alw always ays the same, same, “No. “No. Go, Go, ask ask the others. others.”” On the fourth day the condition of the three fasters became serious. Still no one had a change of heart. The chief minister arrived on the fifth day. He went directly to the sethji and whispered in his ear, “Look, if you don’t have a change of heart within the hour you won’t get the contract to supply uniforms to all the state chaprasis.” Then he went to Gobardhan Babu and whispered, “Listen, if you don’t have a change of heart within the hour I’ll suspend the municipal corporation.” Very shortly the public heard the news. Both Seth Kishori Lai and Babu Gobardhan Das had had a change of heart. The two had acknowledged that the gate should rightly face the side which carried Bhaiya Sahab’s name. The three stalwarts drank glasses of orange juice. Bhaiya Sahab’s neck was loaded with marigold garlands. Such, dear readers, were our brave ancestors. For the sake of Truth and Justice, they even risked their lives.1
1
“A Fast Unto Death” was originally published in Hindi as “Aamaran Anshan” in 1964.
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Pulled Down Lamp Posts One day the raja became so exasperated with all the profiteers that he announced that he would have every one of them hanged from the nearest lamp post.1 Next morning, people began to gather near lamp posts. Reverently they bowed before the posts, performed aarti and put tilak marks on them. They then waited waited till evening evening for the profiteer profiteerss to be brough broughtt and hanged. hanged. But none was. The people went went in a processi procession on to the raja. They said, said, ”Maharaj, ”Maharaj, you you had announced that you’ll have the profiteers hanged from the lamp posts, but the posts stand bare as ever while the profiteers are well and prospering.” The raja said, ”If I said so then it will happen — they will be hanged from the posts. But it will take a little time. We need nooses to hang them with. I have given the orders. As soon as the nooses arrive, I’ll have all the profiteers hanged from the posts.” A man stepped forward from the crowd. He said, ”But, maharaj, it’s one of the profiteers who got the contract to supply the nooses!” ”So what? He’ll be hanged from his own noose.” A second spoke up. “But he was saying he’s also got the contract to do the hangings.” “No, “No, that that can’ can’tt be,” be,” said said the raja. “Hang “Hangin ingg is not yet in the priv private ate sector.” The people asked, “So when will they be hanged?” The raja replied, “Exactly sixteen days from today you’ll see them hanging from the lamp posts.” The people began to count the days. On the sixteenth morning, when the people came out they found all the lamp lamp posts lying on the ground. ground. They were were astounded astounded.. There There had been b een no storm the previous night, nor any earthquake. What caused them to topple over? They wondered. 1
Profite Profiteers ers . . . hanged hanged from from the neares nearestt lamp lamp post: A famous announcement by Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru.
Harishankar Parsai
Pulled Down Lamp Posts
They found a man standing near one of the posts. He told them that the previous night someone had hired him and several other men to pull down the lamp posts. The people dragged him to the raja. “Maha “Maharaj, raj,”” they they comp complai lained ned,, “you “you were goin goingg to hav have the profite profiteers ers hanged from the lamp posts today, but last night all the posts were knocked down. We have brought this man to you. He says that someone ordered him to do so.” The raja turned to the man, “You there, who told you to knock down the lamp posts?” The man replied, “Maharaj, the overseer sahab gave the order.” The overseer was sent for. The raja asked him, “You know that I had announced to have the profiteers hanged from the lamp posts today, don’t you?” “Yes, maharaj.” “Then why did you tell this man to knock down all the lamp posts?” “Bec “Becaus ausee the engin engineer eer sahab sahab order ordered ed me to have have it done done overni vernigh ght, t,”” replied the overseer. The engineer was was summoned. He said. “I was ordered by the chief chief electric engineer to have all the lamp posts dug out.” When the CEE was asked for an explanation, he humbly admitted that he was so ordered by the secretary, Department of Electricity. The raja asked the secretary if he had ordered for the posts to be knocked down. The secretary acknowledged that he had. “How dare you!” the raja thundered. “Didn’t you know that I intended to use the posts today to hang the profiteers?” The secretary said, “Maharaj, it was a question of the safety of the city, If the posts had not been removed Iast night, the entire city would have been in ruins today.” “What “What made you you believe believe that?” the raja asked. asked. “Did “Did anyone anyone tell tell you something?” “Maharaj, an expert advised me to do so,” the secretary replied. “He said that if I wanted to save the city I should have all the posts dug up before dawn.” “And who’s that expert? Is he someone trustworthy?” the raja asked. “Absol “Absolutel utely y trustw trustworth orthy y, maharaj.” maharaj.” said said the secretar secretary y. “Someone “Someone,, in fact, from my family. My brother-in-law. I’ll bring him to you.” The expert expert came. He said, said, “Maharaj, “Maharaj, I’m an expert. I study the the earth and its envi environ ronme ment nt.. Th Throu rough gh tests tests I came came to know know that a hu huge ge elect electri ricc storm storm wa wass brewing brewing undergroun underground. d. I also also discov discovered ered that it must pass und under er our city city today today. You may may not feel it, mahar maharaj, aj, but I know know that right right now now 99
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monstrous electric currents are passing through the ground underneath us. If our lamp posts had remained in position, that electric surge would have come come above above ground ground throu through gh them. them. It wo woul uld d hav have then then coll collid ided ed with with the power pow er generated generated by our own stations stations and caused a horribl horriblee explosi explosion. on. It would have been as if thousands of lightning bolts had struck the city at once. Not one person could have escaped alive, not one building could have survived. I immediately informed Secretary Sahab, who then took the right action just in time and saved the city.” The people were dumbfounded. dumbfounded. They completely completely forgot about the profiteers. iteers. They They were were overwh overwhelm elmed ed by the terror terror whose barest image they had just been exposed to. They cowered with gratitude that their lives had been saved. Silently they turned around and left. That week, the following cash deposits were made at a local bank: In the account of Mrs Secretary — Rs 2 lakh. In the account of Mrs CEE — Rs 1 lakh. In the account of Mrs Engineer — Rs 1 lakh. In the account of Mrs Expert — Rs 25,000. In the account of Mrs Overseer — Rs 5,000. The same week, in the account book of the National Profiteers’ Association, the following amounts were entered under Charitable donations: To the Leprosy Hospital — Rs 2 lakh. To the Widows’ Ashram — Rs 1 lakh. To the TB Sanatorium — Rs 1 lakh. To the Mental Hospital — Rs 25,000. To the Orphanage — Rs 5,000.1
1
“Pulled down Lamp posts” was originally published in Hindi as “Ukhre Khambe.”
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Shivering Republic I have have seen the Republic Republic Day parade in Delhi four times. times. I don’t don’t have have the strength to see it a fifth time. Why is it that every time I go to attend the parade the weather turns awfully cruel? Just before 26 January, it snows in the hills and a cold wave sets in — clouds gather, it drizzles a few times, and the sun goes into hiding. hiding. Just Just as Delhi doesn’t doesn’t have have its own economic economic policy policy, it doesn’t doesn’t have have a weathe weatherr of its own either. either. Delhi’ Delhi’ss economi economicc policy policy is established by the International Monetary Fund and the Aid India Consortium. Delhi’s weather is determined by Kashmir, Sikkim, Rajasthan, and what have you. I’m not so foolish that I believe it happens only the years I go to see the parade. parade. Even Even they who go every every year year say that on Republi Republicc Day the sky is always sunless and the weather bitterly cold. Why? What’s the mystery? When there was just one Congress party, I had asked a Congress minister, “Why is it that the sun remains hidden on every Republic Day? Why can’t we celebrate the day under a bright sun?” His reply reply wa was, s, “Be patien patient. t. We’re trying trying to make make it come out, but it’s not easy with such such a big sun. It will take take time. You should give give us at least least a hundred years in power.” All right, so we give you a hundred years to bring the sun out all the way wa y. But in the meantim meantime, e, shouldn’ shouldn’tt we be able able to see at least a bit of it on every Republic Day? You’d think the sun was a baby stuck in the horizon’s womb — one day they’d do a caesarian and suddenly pull it out! More recently, after the Congress had split, I asked an Indi-cate Congressite. He replied, “In the past, whenever we tried to get the sun out, the Syndicate people put up some obstacle. Now we promise you we’ll have the sun out on the next Republic Day.” A Syndicatewala was close by, eavesdropping. He said, “Their Madam is in the clutche clutchess of the Commu Communis nists. ts. It’s It’s they who are pushing pushing her to bring bring the sun out from behind the clouds. They hope it will be their beloved Red sun. But we ask, ask, why is it necessary necessary to bring the sun out? out? Shou Shouldn ldn’t ’t it be enough just to remove the clouds?”
Shivering Republic
Harishankar Parsai
I questioned a bhai from the Samyukta Socialist Party. He replied, “The sun must must act in an antianti-Co Congr ngres esss way. ay. It has signed signed — at Dr Lohia’ Lohia’ss ininstance stance — our party’s party’s membersh membership ip form. Certain Certainly ly you don’t expect it to come come out out and watch watch some some Co Congr ngress essw wala ala revie review w the parade? parade? Put a nonnonCongress man on the reviewing stand, then you’ll see — you’ll have ten suns shining in the sky.” I then went to a Jansanghi bhai. He was quite frank. “Had the sun been secular, it would have have shown itself for this party’s parade. You think these secular secular people can persuade Bhagwa Bhagwan n Amshu Amshumal malii to come out? He shall shine forth when we come into power.” The Communi Communists sts were were still still more blunt. blunt. “Its a CIA conspira conspiracy cy — the Seventh Fleet sends these clouds to Delhi every year.” The Prajatantra Socialist Party bhai, on the other hand, was somewhat brusque. He said, “It’s a complex issue. Our National Council will come to a decision in its next meeting. I’ll let you know then.” I couldn’t get hold of Rajaji, but if I had he would have only said, “Why complain? At least the stars still come out at night in the Raj.” I’ll wait. Let the sun come out when it will. Likewise our Independence Day comes in the middle of heavy rains. The British British were were very very clever. clever. They They gave gave us freedom freedom in the middle middle of the rainy rainy season, then walked away — like the wicked lover who walked off with the umbrella of his beloved. Now, when she walks to the bus stop in the rain, she is tortured not so much by the memory of her absent lover as by the thought of her stolen umbrella. Our Independence Day gets rained on, our Republic Day comes in shivering. I stand watching the parade. My hands are stuffed in the pockets of my overcoat. The prime minister goes by in an open car, some foreign dignitary riding riding with her. The commentato commentatorr on the radio says, says, “Peopl “Peoplee are clapping clapping loudly.” I look around. No one around me is clapping. We all have our hands stuffed in our pockets. No one wants to expose his or her hands. They might freeze. But others do clap even if we don’t. The people seated on the bare ground clap. They don’t have coats to stuff their hands into. It seems our Republic Day depends on freezing hands, for only those hands clap in welcome whose owners don’t have coats to warm them. Some say, “Poverty should be removed.” Others respond, “They who make such demands are a threat to democracy.” 102
Harishankar Parsai
Shivering Republic
There are floats from every state in the Republic Day parade. They aren’t, howev how ever, er, truly truly represen representati tative ve.. Our motto motto is “Satya “Satyamev mevaa Jaya Jayate,” te,” but the floats tell only lies. They highlight highlight developmen developmentt programmes, folk culture, history history.. But surely surely each each state state ought ought to display display on its float only that which which made it famous in the preceding twelve twelve months. months. For example, the Gujarat float this year should depict the Ahmedabad riots — a burning house, a child child thrown thrown into into the flames. flames. Last year year I had hoped that the Andhra float would wo uld show show some Harijans Harijans being burned burned alive. alive. But it didn’t happen. happen. The state gained international international fame for its riots, but its float displayed displayed small scale industri industries! es! What What mendaci mendacity ty!! I ask you, you, is there there a better better Cottage Industry Industry in our country than communal riots? Two years ago, my own Madhya Pradesh tried to come closer to the truth. On their their float they displa displaye yed d famine famine relief activiti activities. es. But, again, again, that was only half half the truth. Tha Thatt year year Madhya Madhya Pradesh Pradesh had gained a name name not for its relief relief work, work, but for the malpracti malpractice ce in it. Had I had my way way, our float would have had clerks falsifying muster rolls, paymasters putting their own thumbprints against thousands of names, and netas, officers and contractors passing on money to each other. The actual float didn’t come anywhere near the truth. truth. Then last last year our state gained gained fame on accoun accountt of the “burlap “burlap inciden incident.” t.” I wo would uld have have enjoye enjoyed d a tableau tableau of minist ministers ers and civil civil servan servants ts standing around, munching on pieces of burlap. As with the floats, floats, so with with the public public announce announcemen ments. ts. Every Every year it is officially officially announced, “Socialism “Socialism is coming.” Well, it has yet to arrive. Where did it get stuck? stuck? Just Just about every every party has promised promised to bring bring Socialis Socialism, m, but it isn’t coming. I have a dream. Socialism has come — it stands on a hill outside the city. The people in the city stand stand ready ready with aarti trays to welcome welcome it. But the hill hill has been surround surrounded ed by Socialis Socialists ts of every every colour. colour. Each Each has promised promised the people that he would personally lead Socialism by the hand into the city. Socialism shouts from the hilltop, “Take me to the people.” The Socialist Socialistss encircli encircling ng the hill shout back. “But we must first decide decide who will hold your hand and lead you into town.” Socialism has been gheraoed. There are the Democratic-Socialists of the PSP and the SSP, there are the Communists of both the People’s Democracy and the National Democracy, there are the Congressites of the two varieties, and there there are several several stalwarts stalwarts from the Socialis Socialistt Unity Unity Forum Forum.. There There are, of course, the Revolutionary Socialists too. And each of them wants to lead Socialism by the hand into the city and declare, “Here, I have brought you Socialism.” Socia Sociali lism sm is bewil bewilde dered red.. So are the the peopl people. e. Socia Sociali lism sm stands stands ready ready to come, come, but the Socialis Socialists ts are engaged engaged in fisticuffs fisticuffs.. Socialis Socialism m tries tries to sneak 103
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Harishankar Parsai
down but is showe down showered red with rocks rocks and threats. threats. “Stop “Stop right right there! Not that way!” A Socialist grabs its right hand, another its left. They try to pull it in separate directions. Then other Socialists jump in and pull it free. Socialism rushes back to the hilltop, badly battered. In this country, those who champion something are always the ones who destroy it. Those who demand freedom of expression try to rob the writer of his freedom. freedom. Those Those who are charged charged with establish establishing ing cooperative cooperativess seek to demolish them. They say, cooperation is of the spirit. They cooperate with each other — in filling their pockets. Meanwhile the prime minister has announced. “Socialism is just around the corner.” I have have another another dream. A pronounc pronounceme ement nt has been b een made in Delhi, Delhi, “Socialism will soon start on a tour of the country. It will go everywhere. Every effort should be made to welcome it.” One secretary remarks to another, “Here comes another VIP. Now we must must make make arrangem arrangement entss for it too. What What a pain . . . !” Circulars go out to the collectors in all districts, who forward them to the senior district officers, and they in turn pass them on to the tehsildars. A secret memo reaches the police officers — Protect Socialism! In the head office, the Bad´e Babu asks the Chhot´e Babu, “Arr´e, e, Tiwari Babu, Babu, didn’t didn’t we get a Gove Governme rnment nt Order about Socialis Socialism. m. You think you can find it?” Tiwari Tiwari Babu looks for the Governm Governmen entt Order Order and brings brings it over. over. The Bad´e Babu exclaims, “Arr´e, e, that Socialism fellow passed through here two days days ago! No one went went to the station station to meet it! Tiwari Tiwari Babu, Babu, why must must you always sit on files? It’s such a bad habit.” All the senior officials go to the chief secretary. “Sir, can’t this Socialism come a bit later? The fact is, we’re unable to make any sort of arrangement for its protection. Dushehra is not far off. There might be riots. Our entire force is busy.” The chief secretary writes to Delhi — “We are unable to provide full protecti protection on to Socialis Socialism. m. Its tour should be postponed postponed for a while. while.”” A government that misplaces files concerning Socialism’s tour, that can’t provide it proper protection — if you wish to bring in Socialism with the help of such a gove governm rnment ent,, go ahead, bring bring it in. I have no particula particularr ob jection jection.. After After all, all, if Socialism Socialism even eventual tually ly comes, not through through the efforts efforts of the people but through the channels of the government, that in itself will be some historical historical event. event.1 1
“A Shiv Shiver erin ing g Repu Republ blic ic” ” was was orig origin inal ally ly publ publis ishe hed d in Hind Hindii as “Thi “Thith thur urta ta hua hua Ganatantra.”
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Divine Lunatic Mission India is faced at present with a major question — what should it send to Ameri America ca next? next? Th Thee Ameri American canss hav have alrea already dy read read the the Kamasutra . They have have seen enough yogis, yogis, saints and ascetics. ascetics. Young Americans have enjoyed enjoyed marijuana. marijuana. They have have also watched watched cobras and tigers, and bought antiques on the Janpath. America has also imported plenty of spiritualism from here. In return, it contin continues ues to ship ship us wheat. And And,, of course, there has already already been be en enough enoug h chanting of Har´e Rama, Har´e Krishna. Krishn a. Mahesh Yogi, Yogi, Bal Yogesh Yogeshwar. war. Bal Bhogeshwar. Bhogeshwar. They’ve They’ve all been there. Who should it be next? I’m quite patriotic, but I also understand the American. I know he belongs to a Bored society — that is, he’s a bore. His stocks automatically automatically bring in dollars. His den contains a television set and plenty of liquor. In the evening, he goes out and says Hi to a few people, but that doesn’t cure his boriyat1 . No matter matter how often often it bombs bombs Hano Hanoi, i, Americ Americaa doesn’t feel exhilarated. America feels the need for something — something from India. I wo worry rry about America America.. I’m equally equally worried worried about my fellow fellow Indians Indians.. They too need something. So what should we Indians take next to America, to get dollars there and bring rupees here? Ravi Shankar bores them. They have had enough of sadhus and saints. The Americans need something new to end their boriyat and re-ignite their enthusiasm. They’re, of course, ready to pay in dollars. I have a modest suggestion — let’s send them a Divine Lunatic Mission from India. Such a mission has never gone there. It will be something rare — a Divine Lunatic Mission from India, that is, a mission of spiritual lunatics. I know. I know. Every American American would likely likely say, say, “We’ve “We’ve already seen one, one, his his name name wa wass Kris Krishna hna Menon Menon.” .” Bu Butt our repres represen entat tativ ives es shou should ld tell tell them, “He was neither divine, nor a lunatic. It’s only now that actual Divine Lunatics are coming to you from India.” Spirit Spiritual ual missions missions often engage engage in smugglin smuggling. g. But the Gove Governm rnment ent of 1
Boriyat usually means “boredom” but here it is also being used to mean “being a bore.”
Divine Lunatic Mission
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India India and ordinary ordinary Indians Indians don don’t ’t know that. They don’t don’t know know that people are often smuggled smuggled into paradise paradise too. It’s It’s done through through the Departme Department nt of Spiritualism. India is indeed a great country. Here in a village in Gujarat, a man distributed “holy water” and turned the village into a ruin. You think we can’t smuggle America into paradise? Everyone knows about the smuggling of goods, but there is also a kind of spiritual spiritual smuggl smuggling. ing. Suppo Suppose se a man grows grows a long long beard and goes off to America America with a discip disciple le and declares declares,, “I’m “I’m one thousand thousand years old. I lived lived as an ascetic in the Himalayas for centuries, and have talked to god three times.” times.” The trusting, trusting, and yet yet doub doubtful tful American American will ask the disciple disciple,, “Is your guru telling the truth? Is he really a thousand years old?” The disciple will respond, “I can’t say for sure. I’ve been with him only half that time.” In other words, the disciple smuggles in five hundred years for his own use. Now he can open shop independently. Anyway, I believe we have exported to America everything Indian. Only one more thing can still be sent. sent. An Indian Indian divine divine lunatic. lunatic. That’s That’s why I’m urging the immediate establishment of an Indian Divine Lunatic Mission. No doubt, there are far more important people in this country, but I too wish wish to serve India. India. I also also wish wish to remove remove the boriyat boriyat of my America American n big brother. Of course, I’m fully aware that even after chanting chanting “Har´e Rama, Har´ e Krishna” Krishna” for a thousand years, we still must buy things in the black black market. So what can the Americans hope to obtain in just a few days? But every rich and pleasure loving society has its own ways of finding peace and comfort, and if it obtains them from India, why, that only adds to India’s glory. Bertrand Russell is said to have remarked that the American society went from barbaris barbarism m to decadenc decadence, e, skippi skipping ng the stage of civili civilizati zation. on. But I’ve nothing to do with Russell. I’m only interested in starting a new international business. All over the world. lunatics are simply lunatics. In India, they are divine. I wish to create a Divine Lunatic Mission, restricted only to those who were never never sent sent to an asylu asylum. m. We need need them. them. Only Only they they can properl properly y act as lunatics lunatics.. It’s It’s quite quite easy to act as a yogi. yogi. It’s It’s easy even even to act as god. But to act as a lunatic lunatic is extremely extremely difficult. difficult. Only Only the really really talent talented ed can do it. I already have my sights on a couple of academic friends, and have appealed to them to join my mission. The Mission Mission will be formed, formed, I’ve no doubt of it. Our publicit publicity y men in America America will announce, announce, See Genuin Genuinee Indian Indian Divine Divine Lunatics Lunatics.. The news of our impending arrival in New York will be in the papers. Television cameras will will whirr. whirr. Mrs Roberts Roberts will will ask ask Mrs Simps Simpson on.. “Hone “Honey y, hav have you seen a genuine Indian lunatic?” 106
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“No,” Mrs Simpson will reply, “is there one in this country?” “Yes,” Mrs Roberts will tell her, “a mission of Divine Lunatics from India is arrivi arriving ng in New New York. ork. Let’s Let’s go and and see see them. them. It’l It’lll be a truly truly spiri spiritua tuall experience.” Thousands of people will gather at the airport to have the Mission’s darsh darshan an,, to be rid rid of the boriy boriyat at of their their daily daily lives lives.. Th They ey will hearti heartily ly welcome us by putting garlands around our necks, and set us up in luxury hotels. We shall shall put on for them a show show of divine divine lunacy lunacy.. The members members of our missio mission n will will have been fully trained trained to act as true lunatic lunatics. s. A ticke tickett to the show will cost fifty dollars. Thousands of Americans will spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to watch the Divine Lunatics from India. As the leader of the Mission, I’ll introduce the show, “We are real Indian Divine Lunatics. Lunatics. Our rishis and munis declared declared thousand of years ago that the way to real internal peace and salvation lies through lunacy.” Then my companions companions will perform their lunatic acts. They’ll They’ll be showered showered with dollars. Our business will flourish. Those who’d like like to join the Mission will will be urged to contact contact me. Our only condition will be that they shouldn’t really be lunatics. Actual lunatics will not be accepted — just as actual sadhus are never admitted to membership in the Sadhu Sabha. When When we retu return rn from from Amer Americ ica, a, we’ll e’ll be feli felici cita tate ted d on the the Raml Ramlil ilaa Groun Grounds, ds, or perhaps perhaps in front front of Red Fort. ort. I’ll I’ll try to get the prime prime minminister to grace the occasion. But if she’s unable to find time, there are plenty of leaders, doing penance out in the political wilderness, who are always available. Of course, all the smugglers in Delhi will give us their full cooperation. We’re also having talks with the law enforcement agencies and the customs services. We hope they too will cooperate in spirit. There will be a speech at the reception, “This is yet one more grand victory victory for Indian Indian spiritu spirituali alism. sm. Our Divine Divine Lunatic Lunaticss have have returned returned after after giving giving the wo world rld the message message of true interna internall peace and salv salvation. ation. We are sure this tradition of Divine Lunacy will continue to flourish in our great land for ever and evermore.” Yes, es, the Divin Divinee Lun Lunati aticc Missi Mission on must must go to Ameri America. ca. Now Now that that the diplomatic relations between the two countries have significantly improved it is doubly imperative that we send them a mission of our lunatics.2
2
“Divine Lunatic Mission” was originally published in Hindi as “Divine Lunatic Mission.”
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The Days of Gardish I have sat down to write, but I don’t know what the editor’s intentions are or what the readers want — why the two wish to peek into the days which are the writer’s very own and which he has long placed behind a cover. How should I return to those days of gardish1 which belonged to someone who had my name — as myself the writer, or in the capacity of that other person? But in reliving a gardish as a writer and making it manifest to others, there is release for both. Here I’m not repeating what is said about the separation between between one who experien experiences ces and one who creates. creates. But to recall recall a gardish gardish or to reliv relivee it can also also be most most dangero dangerous us.. Once, Once, I had had pu pushe shed d aside aside the sharp horns of Time, should I now pull them back towards my breast and say, “Here, be my guest?” There was gardish once, long ago. There’s none now, and there won’t be any in the future — that’s utter nonsense. The continuum of gardish is still with me. I’m sensiti sensitive ve and extremel extremely y restless. restless. I can never never be at peace. For me, gardish is destiny. But I have plenty of memories. Perhaps the readers’ interest lies in finding out what the life has been like of this man who is called Harishankar Parsai — who laughs, is full of zest, and can be quite sharp and bitter. When did he meet a fall? When did he rise again? How did he break apart? What pieced him together again — this man who is so harsh and pitiless, so cantankerous. Typically, my sharpest memory of childhood is of plague. It was 1936 or 37 and I was probably probably in class eight. eight. The plague plague raged in our small small rural town, and most people had abandoned their homes and fled to live in huts in the jungle. jungle. Our family family hadn’t. hadn’t. Ma was terribl terribly y sick. sick. We couldn’t couldn’t take take her to the jungle. jungle. In our desolat desolate, e, silence silence-st -struc ruck k neighbou neighbourhood, rhood, only our house house showe showed d any trace of life. life. Dark night nightss and their their only only light light — a tiny tiny candle in our home. And I was scared of candles. Even the town’s stray dogs 1
It is difficult to find an exact equivalent in English of Gardish. Gardish . Gardish, Gardish, literally literally “a circular circular movemen movement.” t.” means trouble trouble or travail travail as brought brought about by the “turning” of the heavens. heavens. The word implies persistence persistence and repetition as well well as the transitorin transitoriness ess of any grief or pain. In other words, calling your troubles gardish is not bleak fatalism.
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had disappeared. In the overwhelming stillness of those nights even our own voices frightened us. But every evening we’d sit near our dying mother and sing the aarti — Om jai jagadisha har´ e. e. Bhakt jano ke sankat pal mein dur kar´ e . . . In the middle middle of the the song, song, Pitaji Pitaji would ould start start sobbin sobbing, g, Ma wo woul uld d burst into tears and pull us children to her breast, and we too would start crying. crying. This This happened happened every every day. day. Late at night, night, Pitaji, Chachaji, Chachaji, or some some other relative, would pick up a spear or staff and walk the perimeter of the house to keep watch. Then, one such terrifying night, Ma passed away. We raise raised d loud loud howl howlss of pain pain and grief. grief. Su Sudde ddenl nly y some some stray stray dogs app appear eared ed outside to lend support. Among the five brothers and sisters, I alone understood what Ma’s death meant — I was the eldest. Those dark nights of plague have sunk deep into my heart. It would take too many pages to give a full measure of the terror and despair that filled our lives lives then. None None of us was broken broken — except except Pitaji. He was devasta devastated. ted. He lived on for a few more years but was continuously sick, despondent, scared of himself. himself. Soon his business business closed. closed. Now Now we had only only his meagre meagre saving savingss and our household household goods to live live on. Every Everyone one was waitin waitingg for me to finish high high school school.. I knew knew Pitaji Pitaji too was about about to go. Desp Despit itee his his ill ill heal health, th, he manage managed d to get get one of my siste sisters rs marri married. ed. What What a terri terribl blee occasi occasion on that that was! I understood, of course, that he was only trying to lighten my burden. But there were still two sisters and one brother to be looked after. I began preparing preparing myself myself.. I was alway alwayss a big reader, reader, a big eater, eater, and a big sportsman sportsman.. In books and sports I’d forget forget everythi everything. ng. Then Then I finished finished high school school and found a job in the forestry forestry departme department nt.. I even lived lived in the forest, in a little hut provided by the government. My bed was made of bricks and boards, but the ground underneath it was hollow with rat tunnels. The rats scurried around noisily all night long, but I always managed to get my sleep. I used to wake up if one of them ever climbed on top of me, but would immedi immediatel ately y go back to sleep. sleep. I spent spent six months months among those boisterous boisterous rats. Poor Parsai? Parsai? No, No, no. I was was enjoyi enjoying ng myse myself lf too much much.. Hard Hard work work all all day lon long. g. A long walk in the jungle at dusk. Then a hearty meal prepared with my own hands — pure ghee and fresh milk! But the rats did me a great favour. favour. They taught taught me an excellent habit. habit. In subsequent life I have had other rats — even a few snakes — scurrying around me, but I have always managed to lie down on my bricks and boards and get a good night’s sleep. I have been bitten all right, not just by rats — frequently some human-faced snake or scorpion has also made me its victim — but I have have alway alwayss had with me that perfect perfect antido antidote te I obtaine obtained d long long ago. No, I 109
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have have never never allow allowed ed any occasion occasion for “Poor Pa Parsai rsai!” !” From that young young age I have have felt extreme disgust for false pity. pity. Even now, when I encounter encounter someone making a big display of sympathy I feel like slapping him in the face. I have to struggle to control myself. Next came a school job, followed by a training course at a teachers college. Pitaji was close to death. My younger brother had to drop out of school to look look after after him. him. The two two youn ounger ger sister sisterss had had been been sent sent to stay stay with with their their married sister — and there I was, going myself to school to be a teacher! Then Then came a second second job search. search. By now I had develo developed ped a new talent. talent. I trave travelle lled d on trains trains without without a ticke ticket. t. From Jabalpur Jabalpur to Itarsi, Itarsi, to Timarni Timarni and Khandwa, to Indore and Devas, and back to Jabalpur — innumberable trips trips in searc search h of a job. job. I had no money money. When When my train train wo woul uld d come come I’d I’d fearlessly climb aboard — ticketless. I had learned many ways of not getting caught and if ever some ticket-checker caught me I’d speak to him in proper English and tell him my woeful tale. The use of English never failed to have its effect. They always said, “Let’s help the poor boy.” The second skill I learned was to borrow money. Again without any fear, I could ask anyone for a loan. In fact, I’m good at it even now. The third thing I learned was to have no care — an attitude of whatever ever will be, will will be. No matter matter what happens happens,, it’l it’lll alwa always ys be for good. I had an aunt — desperately poor, life filled with gardish, but possessing immense energy to survive. Come cooking time, the daughter-indaughter-in-law law would would say say to Bua, “Bai, “Bai, what shall shall I cook? We have have neither neither dal nor vegeta vegetable bles.” s.” Bua would would reply. reply. “Not “Not to wo worry rry,” ,” and march march out of the house. Strolli Strolling ng around the neighbourhood she’d soon notice some vine spread over someone’s thatched shed and shout to the owner, usually a woman of her own age, “Arr´e Kaushalya, Kaushalya, your turais look nice. How about a couple for me?” Then, without even waiting waiting for a reply, reply, she’d herself pick a few. Returning Returning home, she’d say to the daughter-in-law, “Here cook these — just be sure to add extra water.” water.” I wo would uld often visit visit her, worn worn out from my futile futile wanderwanderings, and she’d say to me, “Not to worry. worry. Here, sit down and have something to eat.” That favourite phrase of hers became my strength — “Not to worry!” I went ent to Hoshan Hoshangab gabad ad and ask asked the educat educatio ion n officer officer for a job. job. As usual, I was disappointed, and had to trudge back to the railway station to wait wa it for the train to Itarsi. Itarsi. My pockets pockets were were empty. empty. The one rupee I had earlier, earlier, had fallen fallen out somewhe somewhere. re. I could could get to Itarsi Itarsi ticketl ticketless, ess, but how how wass I to feed wa feed my hu hunge nger? r? Th This is was during during the time time of the the Second Second Worl World d War and trains were running very late. My stomach was empty I repeatedly 110
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tried tried to fill it with water. water. Finall Finally y I lay lay down on a bench. bench. Fourteen ourteen hours hours passed. passed. Then Then a poor peasant peasant family family came and sat down nearby nearby. They had some melons with them in a basket. By then I was ready to become a thief. The man started to slice a melon. I remarked, “The melons look good. Must be from your own field.” He said, “It’s all Ma Narmada’s blessings. They’re sweete sweeterr than sugar. Here, Here, see for yourse yourself, lf,”” and gave gave me two two big slices. slices. I devoured them, barely leaving any rind to throw away, then topped off with tap water. water. Just Just then my train train arrive arrived d and I scram scrambled bled aboard aboard through a window. Finally a job came through, at the government school in Jabalpur — but who had the train train fare fare to get there? there? Th Thee newl newly y app appoi oint nted ed Maste Masterr Sahab Sahab wrapped up his few clothes in a durrie and got on the train without a ticket. That bundle, bundle, howe howeve ver, r, made me feel feel more more vulnera vulnerable ble.. Then I disco discove vered red that a man sitting near me was the khansama of the collector at Jabalpur. We started talking. I found him quite likeable. When Jabalpur came near, I told him my problem. He said, “Don’t worry. Give me your bundle. I’ll wait for you outside. You just pretend to look for drinking water and get yourself near the fence where where the han hand d pump is. Nearby Nearby there there is a gap in the fence where where some bars have have been b een twisted twisted.. You can easily sneak sneak through.” through.” I did as he had told told me. He was indeed indeed waitin waitingg for me outside outside.. I recovered recovered my my bundle and set off on foot for the city, confident that I’d find someone who’d give me shelter for a few days. By then I was well-versed in surviving amidst uncertainty. I found it deligh delightful tful,, that first day of being a proper proper “Mas’sa “Mas’sahab hab.” .” But only a day or two after receiving my first salary I also got the news of Pitaji’s death. death. I sold sold Ma’s Ma’s few remainin remainingg ornamen ornaments ts for his final rites, rites, then, then, shoulshouldering my responsibilities responsibilities as best I could, set out on life’s long journey, journey, secure only in the knowledge that I still had a job. Why did I describe in such detail the gardishes of that phase in my life? There There were many many gardishes gardishes later later too. They occur occur even now. now. Surely Surely there will will be some some in the future future also. But the gardishes gardishes of young young age have their their own significance. They have a profound effect on the future development of any author’s thought and personality. As I have said, I’m emotional, sensitive and restless by nature. A normal person would have taken care of his responsibilities sedately and also worked out some way to get along with the wo world rld.. He could even have have found found some some satisfaction in spending his life as a faceless toiler. Thatt didn’t Tha didn’t happen with me. Responsi Responsibil biliti ities, es, a past full full of pain and now, total exposure to the relentless attacks of the world. In the midst of all this, the biggest issue before me was how to preserve my individuality and 111
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though thought. t. Then, Then, I hadn’t even even dreamt dreamt of becoming becoming a writer writer one day. day. Even Even so, I wanted to protect my individual self. I told myself, myself, Parsai, Parsai, don’t be afraid afraid of anyo anyone. ne. The moment moment you feel scared, scared, you die. Harden Harden yoursel yourselff outside, outside, no matter how you you feel inside. inside. Bear Bear your respons responsib ibil ilit itie iess in an irres irrespon ponsi sibl blee manne manner. r. If you you try to bear them responsibl responsibly y you’l you’lll surely surely destroy destroy yourse yourself. lf. Also, Also, you you wo won’t n’t lose your your individualit individuality y if you were to step out of yourself yourself and join others. You might even gain something. Come out of yourself. Look, understand, and laugh! I became fearless. Even when I was being dishonest I didn’t feel scared. And because I didn’t let any fear touch me, I lost jobs, benefits, positions, rewards. As for being irresponsible, this is how bad I was. On the way home to have one of my sisters married I managed to get my pocket picked on the train. train. So I got off at the next station station,, had a good meal, then sat down down carefree on a bench, confident that something was bound to happen to get me out of my predicament. It did. Of course, I had to toil and suffer for it. That pitch dark night, in a heavy downpour, I walked with a pujari all the way to my married sister’s village and back. Then I had to run around some more. Eventually, help arrived and the wedding was performed. Now I wonder how did the author in me come forth in the midst of such happening happenings? s? At first, I wa wass totally totally engrosse engrossed d in my ow own n trouble troubles. s. Man can find happiness even in convincing himself — and making others believe it too — that he’s inflicte inflicted d with with troubles troubles.. A lot of people find satisfacti satisfaction on in hearing hearing themselv themselves es described described as pitiable. pitiable. In the beginnin beginning, g, I too felt felt that way wa y. But then I realize realized d — how could I be pitiab pitiable le when so many many around me are much uch wo wors rsee off? How How could could my strug struggl glee compar comparee with with the more more formidable struggles going on all around me? I must have have taken up writing writing as a way to fight the world. world. I saw in it a way wa y to protect my individualit individuality y. In other words, I started writing in order to save save mysel myselff from becoming becoming faceless. faceless. That’s That’s how it was, I think. think. That’s That’s how it must have been then. But I soon freed myself from this fascination with the sorrows of just one individual, me. I expanded myself. There were others too besieged with trouble. Many others too had suffered injustice. Victims of exploitation were countless. I was only one of them. And I had a pen in my hand and was rich with ideas. That’s Tha t’s when the satiris satiristt must must have have been born. I must must have have though thoughtt — No tears. Fight Fight back. back. Fight Fight with whatever whatever weapon you find in your hands. I then began a systematic study of history and society, politics and culture. Simultaneously, I shaped for myself an odd and difficult persona and, with utmost deliberateness, set about writing satires. But salvati salvation on doesn’t doesn’t come to the solitary solitary.. One can’t separate separate oneself oneself 112
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from the rest or find good for oneself oneself alone. alone. Man feels restles restlesss — to obtain salvation, salvation, to gain happiness, to find justice. But this enormous battle cannot be fough foughtt alone. alone. Only Only that perso p erson, n, who has no battle to fight, feels feels happy in being solitary solitary.. His is a different different tale. tale. As for me, I see countles countlesss people who look happy and wonder, how come they’re happy? happy? No question or doubt arises in their minds. They only make make infrequent infrequent complaints. complaints. Complaining Complaining too gives them pleasure. They feel that much happier for it. Kabir has said, The world is happy, it eats and sleeps. Unhappy is Kabir, he’s awake and weeps.
The crying of the one who is aw awake ake never never ends. The gardish of the satirist doesn’t end either. My newest gardish gardish — I recently recently tortured myself myself for a political seat. seat. Someone had me believe that I’d be nominated to the Rajya Sabha. A month of gardish ensued. I’m not in the habit of conspiring. It feels like death to me if I have to send my chit in and then wait outside outside some door. More valiant valiant men can sit like that for months and feel no mortal threat, but I can’t. So the last few months were were of just such gardish. gardish. Of course, Profit doesn’t just walk over over to your your door and knock. One has to cajole and supplic supplicate ate it. When Profit Profit clears its throat you must extend your palm to receive the spit. I suffered a lot. I underwent much gardish. There is yet another gardish for any writer like me. If he fails to put into words the storm he feels raging inside him, he goes through a torture that is unending and remorseless. It becomes a time of extreme gardish, of the kind only another maker can understand. I have a long memory of gardishes. But the truth is that no day is free of gardish gardish,, nor does gardish gardish have have an end. It’s It’s another another matter that, for purely purely decorative purposes, we might select or highlight a few choicest gardishes, that we might put make-up on them, teach them a few beguiling tricks — the livelier a gardish the better it is — then tell the reader, “Here, brother, look at my gardish.”2
2
“The Days of Gardish” was originally published as “Gardish ke Din” in 1971–72.
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Biographical Notes Harishankar Parsai, the noted satirist and humorist of modern Hindi lit-
erature, erature, is known known for his simple simple and direct direct style. style. His satires satires deal mostly mostly with the absurdit absurdities ies and hypocris hypocrisies ies of socio-pol socio-politi itical cal life. Parsai Parsai was born at Jabalpur, Madhya Pradesh in 1924. After completing his MA, he started his career career as a teacher teacher but gave gave that up to become become a free lance lance writer. His writings writings include Hanste Hain Rote Hain , Tat Ki Khoj , Tab Ki Baat Aur Thi , Jwala Aur Jal , Bhut Ke Panv Piche, Rani Nagphani Ki Kahani , Jaise Unke Din Phire, Beimani Ki Partein , Sadachar Ka Taviz , Aur Ant Mein , Aisa received the Sahitya Sahitya Akademi Akademi Award Award for his satire Bhi Socha Jata Hai . He received Viklang Shradha Ka Daur in 1982. He died in 1985. teaches at the University University of Chicago in the Department of South C M Naim teaches Asian Languages and Civilizations. He hails from Barabanki, Uttar Pradesh and received his education in India and the United States. He has published stories, poetry and criticism and has also translated numerous modern Urdu poets and short story writers. He is a former editor of the Journal of South Asian Literatur Literaturee, and the Annual of Urdu studies. His translation of Zikr-eMir , the autobiography of Mir, one of Urdu’s foremost poets, was published in 1999. Hindi poet, criti critic, c, trans transla lator tor and colum columni nist. st. He has has Vishnu Vishnu Khare is a Hindi more than fourteen works to his credit.
