Parsons-Fein Press www. janeparsonsfein.com
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the participants, authors and publisher are not engaged in rendering professional services. If legal, accounting, medical, psychological, or any other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought. ADAPTED FROM A DECLARATION OF PRINCIPLES OF A JOINT COMMITTEE OF THE AMERICAN BAR ASSOCIATION AND PUBLISHERS. Copyright 2013 by Jane A. Parsons-Fein and Nicholas T. Parsons All rights reserved. Reproduction or translation of any part of this work beyond that permitted by Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act without the permission of the copyright owner is unlawful. Requests for permission should be directed to Jane Parsons-Fein at
[email protected] ISBN: 978-0-9910991-0-8
"Trust your unconscious; it knows more than you do."
"Discover their patterns of happiness."
"Don't try to imitate my voice, or my cadence. Just discover your own. Be your own natural self."
"And I was doing therapy the whole time and nobody knew it. I was discussing life, various forms of life, the beauty of life. Everybody thought I was lecturing on hypnosis-and demonstrating hypnosis. Anne didn't know I was doing any therapy either, just being a good subject. I knew what I was doing, nobody else did." (The Boston Nurse)
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS We began this work with only our commitment to Dr. Erickson's work to guide us. Our team began with Anastasiya Myrovych and myself. I want to thank the following: Anastasiya Myrovych whose calm presence, clear-headedness, and superior critical judgment has been a bedrock to this whole project. Nicole Patten joined in August of 2012 as a part-time technical assistant and contributed her excellent technical skill and creativity. Our audio engineer, Jon Smith, sensitively removed extraneous noise without interfering with Dr. Erickson's voice quality. We are grateful that we found David Bullock, a gifted graphics artist, who edited our introductory video and put the final touches on the designs for the DVDs and the book.]. Lawrence Thomas, PhD, painstakingly reviewed the synchronization of the text and subtitles. Lindsey Nakatani has been our conscientious and dedicated proofreader since August 2013. Our lawyer, Laverne Berry, Esq., had come on board earlier and has patiently and expertly guided us throughout. David G. Imber was always available to offer technical support and practical advice. Brooks Parsons was a touchstone of wisdom for tough decisions. Tucker Parsons labored to keep my written text tight and clear. Nick Parsons, LMFT, CHT, my partner and consultant, whose powerful support and lightness of touch have kept us on track from the beginning. I also want to acknowledge Bernard D. Fine, M.D., whose beautiful work with me many years earlier was profoundly healing and helped me to recognize Erickson's brilliance. We also want to thank members of the Manhattan Society of Clinical Hypnosis, a component of the American Society of Clinical Hypnosis, founded by Milton H. Erickson in 1957, for their enthusiastic encouragement. We hope that in the uninterrupted silence of your own room or group, you rediscover your curiosity and your ability to listen with your heart and your in:per mind. Erickson said, "The easiest things to see are often overlooked." May you enjoy seeing with new eyes.
TABLE OF CONTENTS Introduction
15
A Short History by Jane Parsons-Fein
17
Story
Time
Story Name
Page
1
00:00
The Voluptuous Greek Orthodox Girl: Part I
22
2
22:00
Teach Correct Discrimination: Roxanna and Kristina
30
3
26:03
The Voluptuous Greek Orthodox Girl: Part II
31
4
37:44
A Shiny Distraction: Baby Betty Alice and the Knife
36
5
44:17
Always Misunderstand an Insult as a Compliment
38
6
52:12
Misunderstand It When Your Patient Says Something Tangential
41
7
58:20
"I Knew What I was Doing, Nobody Else Did": The Boston Nurse
43
8
1:16:19
"Put Me in a Trance Tonight-I Have a Problem": Florence
48
9
1:36:09
Telling the Truth: The Girl with the Big Fat Fanny
53
10
1:52:38
Be Direct: "Now Let's Be Honest, You CAN Control That Spasticity"
57
1
00:00
"Just a Superstition": Dallas Long
62
2
8:30
Handle Your Body and Forget the Last Shot: Olympic Rifle Team
64
3
12:34
"I'll Go in Swimming Tomorrow": Max and Wanda
65
4
22:02
Replace Bad Habits: Get Patients to DO Something Good
69
5
29:26
Harness the Energy: Temper-Tantrum Girl
71
6
33:37
Go into a Trance When We Meet Again: Harriet
73
7
39:03
"If You've Forgotten.. .That's Your Tough Luck": Medical Students
75
8
44:50
The Unconscious Can Solve Tactile Feelings Correctly: Wire Puzzles
77
9
49:23
"My Unconscious Is as Smart as He Is or Smarter"
79
10
1:01:23
"She Got Her Revenge in a Childish Way": The Bedwetter
83
11
1:06:28
"Maybe You Could Save Her Life?": Suzie
85
12
1:45:33
Students Ask Questions
96
Story
Time
Story Name
1
00:00
"You Can if You're a Gentleman": Joe and Edie
104
2
29:20
"You Know Where You Can Stuff That!": Pete
109
3
51:03
"One Place Where She Still Had Energy": The African Violet Queen
115
4
1:01:02
"Glorious Happiness Should Not Be Thrown Away": Cynthia
117
5
1:09:30
"Take a Vicious Pleasure"
119
6
1:19:28
"A Secure Reality": Handling an Uncontrollable Child
121
7
1:23:10
"Now, So You Don't Believe in Hypnosis": Jim and Gracie
122
8
1:45:52
Distraction: "Why Endure Pain? Is It Really Necessary?"
128
9
1:50:36
The Unimportance of Pain; the Importance of Comfort: Robert
130
10
2:06:01
The Basset Hound's Letter to the Milkman (Introduction): Roger
135
1
00:00
Roger's Letter to the Hospitalized Milkman
138
2
05:58
"She Would Look You Square in the Eye and Lie and Lie": Heidi-Ho
140
3
12:01
The K.indest Thing: Valentines from the Easter Bunny
142
4
18:08
Always Send Clippings and an Accompanying Note
145
5
20:32
Logarithms in Sixth Grade: Allan and Dyslexia
146
6
25:02
Recipe for Longevity: Emphasize the Positive
148
7
28:09
Their Neurosis Is Not an Alien Thing
149
8
30:27
Your Crying Will Save Me from Watering This Plant
150
9
37:24
White Tummy Stories: "You Grow Up with Your Children"
152
10
45:40
"Teach Humor to Your K.ids Right Away"
154
11
48:12
"That's YOUR Problem. I ONLY TEACH HERE": Betty Alice
155
12
58:46
Do the Unexpected Thing: Betty Alice and Roxanna
158
13
1:08:38
"You're Wrong Dr. Mead": Model for George
161
14
1:12:37
A Nickel a Trampled-down Bushel: George Digs Dandelions
163
15
1:32:00
One Restaurant Only: Victory for George
168
16
1:45:58
George Cuts the Umbilical Cord
172
Page
Story
Time
Story Name
1
00:00
"It Took Her Son's Arrest to Jar Her into Changing Her Mind"
178
2
09:50
"Meet the Patient at His Own Level": John's Fear
181
3
18:01
"I Wasn't Giving Her Anything I Wasn't Willing to Take": Theresa
183
4
27:17
Seeing Her Own Behavior: Big Louise
186
5
36:29
"That's the Last Time Ruth Went on a Rampage"
189
6
43:09
"Be Your Own Natural Self'
191
7
59:31
"In a Trance State You Can Be Aware of Anything You Wish"
197
8
1:38:09
"She Told Me She Couldn't Go into a Trance"
211
9
1:50:31
"I Don't Know if You're a Good Hypnotic Subject": Plane Phobia Part I
215
1
00:00
"What Other Problems Did You Used to Have?": Plane Phobia Part II
218
2
27:43
I Paralleled Her Fear of a Stranger Having Control: Plane Phobia Part III
226
3
31:50
"Neurosis is a Way of Hanging on to Things"
228
4
53:06
A Symbolic Act: Jimmy
234
5
1:51:54
"Maybe Your Unconscious Knows That You're Not Really Sincere"
251
Page
INTRODUCTION
We are pleased to present to you the complete word-for-word transcripts of Dr. Milton H. Erickson's training sessions filmed on October 3rd through the 12th, 1979 in Phoenix, Arizona.
If you have decided to own both the DVDs and the transcripts we suggest that you watch the DVDs first before reading the transcripts. We believe that experiencing Erickson on the DVDs is the best way to learn from him. When you then study the transcripts, you can deepen your DVD experience and rediscover the precision and elegance of Erickson's thinking. Erickson delighted in suspense and surprise and used them skillfully to deepen your trance experience. While watching the DVDs you can relax and listen to his language, his rhythm, his cadence, his use of silence, and absorb on unconscious levels. Studying the transcripts can lead to an appreciation that with Erickson there are no extraneous words or phrases-every word can fulfill his intention to reach many levels of consciousness.
Another reason we produced the transcripts is to facilitate the teaching of his work using the DVDs. The transcripts are in hardcover form so that they can survive much use. Thus you can more easily refer to the text while speaking and interacting with others. The more you watch the DVDs and immerse yourself in these transcripts, the more you can enhance your understanding of Erickson's approaches and refine your own way of working. We hope this material will inspire you on your journey to bring evermore healing, wisdom, creativity, and skillful love into your work.
A SHORT HISTORY BY JANE PARSONS-FEIN Milton Erickson changed my life before I even met him. In 1974 I was sitting in Central Park reading Uncommon Therapy by Jay Haley. I came upon Erickson's work with a twenty-one-year-old, suicidal girl with a hated space between her two front teeth. It was like getting struck by a lightning bolt of excitement. I had been working in the Department of Psychiatry at Mount Sinai Hospital for five years. Something about Erickson's thinking was so different from traditional psychotherapy that I vowed to find him and study with him. Five years later I was flying to Phoenix.
I sat in the little room next to his office surrounded by a small group of colleagues ready with tape recorders. When Mrs. Erickson wheeled him in I noticed his amethyst bolo, his purple jacket and how carefully his hair had been parted. He sat looking at the floor, lifted his head, looked around, then told a joke.
For several hours we listened to the rhythm and cadence of his voice, laughed at his jokes, waited in suspense, and were deeply stirred as he intricately wove together his case histories that seemed to be metaphors of what life was all about. We were in trance.
I asked Dr. Erickson about my personal dilemma: I had broken up a number of times with the man I dearly loved, Arnold Fein, because he wouldn't marry me. I wasn't sure what to do with this relationship. Erickson looked at me intently, then gently said, "He'll circle and circle but he may never land." That brutal truth, that one sentence unfogged me. I came to accept what I resisted before: that Arnold would never marry me. I decided to stop pressuring him and stay with him unmarried. I would put all my energies into developing my private practice, studying and refining my work. I went part-time and ultimately left the hospital. I then telephoned Dr. Erickson and asked if I could return to videotape his training sessions. He generously gave me his permission. I arrived a day early in Phoenix with the video camera, tripod, VCR and quantities of blank tapes. I found an electronics store and spent the day learning how to run the video camera. Unfortunately the first day of training sessions was lost. We
had no sound. So I went back for more lessons.
My camera was close to him during these two weeks. I wanted to show his face clearly-how he shifted in and out of trance. I also wanted to capture on film his remarkable trance involvement in his own vivid storytelling. He lived his storiesmoving his hands, shaking his head, using his "ocular fix," and attuning to the power of silence. He moved with us in a flowing exchange of consciousness. Some months later I telephoned Mrs. Erickson to ask Dr. Erickson what he wanted me to do with these tapes. His answer was typical Erickson, "I know you'll do what's appropriate." He died several days later.
I originally filmed Dr. Erickson because I needed to study repeatedly actual video footage of him working. I wanted to integrate what I learned into my own work and eventually teach it. A group of us studied the videos for a year, and we started to teach his work in 1981.
A year after that I flew out to Park City, Utah for a month-long family therapy training. Unexpectedly Arnold came after me. We married a year later. He had landed.
In the 35 years since videotaping Erickson, I have come to recognize the long-term effects that he had on my own life and work, and on the lives and work of so many of my colleagues who studied with him. I believe that these long-term effects show how direct exposure to Erickson himself working with trance states and the unconscious provides experiential learning that can be gained no other way. Having direct exposure to Erickson on these DVDs can evoke deepening awareness of self, similar to the experiences of those who were sitting in that office. The more years that pass the more I feel committed to bringing this footage out into the world so that other people can directly immerse themselves in his teachings, his presence, and how deeply his presence embodied what he taught.
I have lived with these DVDs, watching them for many years now. Each time a new idea comes alive. Erickson's respect for and love of language, his impeccable use of words, and his attunement to their effect on the shifting states of consciousness are a major contribution to the world of psychotherapy. May your study of Erickson's words add another level of integration to your experience of Erickson himself.
IN THE ROOM WITH
MILTON H. ERICKSON, M.D.
Disc 1 October 3rd, 1979
Disc 1 i P:1gc 21
STORY1 The Voluptuous Greek Orthodox Girl: Part I Milton Erickson: Betty.
Betry: Yeah?
Milton Erickson: He's trying to outclass you.
Student: They're purple.
Milton Erickson: Go over and look at it.
Betty: I was looking at it when you came in, you're nice-
Milton Erickson: What is it?
Betry:Uhh-
Student: A hawk.
Betry: I was going to say a thunderbird maybe, but it's uh-
Student: Well it could be a thunderbird.
Betty: Yeah that's very nice.
Milton Erickson: Well the first thing should be: will all those who aren't here today speak up.
Disc 11 P:1gc 22
Student: Dr. Erickson, would you be willing to explain some of the things you've been doing the last couple of days?
Milton Erickson: Tell me what you know and I'll intuit.
For example?
Student: Urn, I get, uh-from the stories you tell I understand bits of them and I also can tell that there are other parts of them I'm not understanding. And I also, urnwonder when you're working with us, when you're doing therapy with us, and when you're not.
Milton Erickson: I'm doing therapy with you when you take advantage of me.
Student: So, all the time.
Student: We're all taking advantage of you.
Student: I have a couple of questions I'd like to ask you relating to hypnotism.
Milton En.ckson: All right.
Student: One is around the 11-year-old girl that was a bedwetter, and you-you helped her to discover something she already knew but didn't know she knew. When you described that case you talked about putting her in a light trance or some kind of a trance first. And I didn't understand from the story what was the purpose of putting her in a trance? I didn't understand how hypnotizing her fit into the whole treatment.
Milton Erickson: The purpose of putting her into a trance was to hold her attention. Big girls squirm around enough, and younger girls squirm still more. I wanted her to sit still. I wanted to give her-her to give me her full attention. And then I also wanted her unconscious mind to be listening. So I took her out of the-her ordinary state of conscious awareness and limited her awareness to my voice and to the paperweight. And thus I had her whole attention. And, 'in getting her whole attention she absorbed everything I said without trying to elaborate it or dispute it. Disc 11 P:1gc 23
At the same time I used [redacted] here to show you that in the trance state you can dispute, you don't have to accept. You are as free as you are in the waking state. When you're doing therapy-a dentist can tell you hold your head still while he pulls a tooth, but you're not likely to do that.
Student: I was freer in the trance state.
Milton Erickson: Hmm?
Student: I was freer-more free-in the trance state than in the waking state.
Milton Erickson: Yes, you had fewer restrictions because we learn a lot of restrictions. And you knew that while you argued with me and disputed me, there'd be no ill feeling on my part.
Student: Yes, you wouldn't reject me.
Mzlton Erickson: I wouldn't reject you. I would see you were comfortable.
Student: Very.
Milton Erickson: And while you're in a waking state you can always say, "Will I offend him? Will he reject me?"
As for today, what I think I'll do is to give you a purely psychological problem. A purely psychological and a very important problem. And I'll-I'll ask you to try to understand it. I do a lot of hopeless things like that.
A bookkeeper in a Michigan hospital-
Student: I beg your pardon?
Mzlton Erickson: A bookkeeper in a Michigan hospital, a young man, I liked him very much. He was about 15 pounds underweight and he belonged to a Greek Orthodox Disc 1 ! P:1gc 24
Church. He fell in love with a Greek Orthodox Church member. And she fell in love with him. And she was one of these utterly beautiful, voluptuous girls that could arouse a sexual response in any man who could see her. And of course, his matesbookkeeping mates at the hospital ribbed him a lot, teased him a lot, told him if he ever married that girl she'd wear him down to a shadow. And they were married in the Greek Orthodox Church. The girl was-her father had died when she was very, very small, three-years old, something like that, and the mother had reared her. And the mother was a very devout church member and she was very, very possessive of her daughter because she taught her daughter to distrust men, absolutely distrust ALL men. And it was an intensive condition the mother gave the girl. The mother approved of the young man, approved of the marriage, and openly expressed her hope for grandchildren. And during the marriage, of course, the ceremony was completed by a kiss, and a very chaste kiss in church.
When they got home to their apartment the young husband discovered that if he wanted to kiss his bride again he could put his hands on her shoulders and no lower. And that night when they went to bed, they both went to bed happily, anticipating the consummation of the marriage. But she got in on her side and he got in on his side and when he started to move over to her side of the bed she became hysterical, frightened, slid out of bed and cried and trembled, and was absolutely in utter fear. And that went on night after night. She knew that was wrong. He loved her. He thought she'd get over it. But as long as she was fully clothed she could kiss him ardently, but he must not put his hands below her shoulders. She knew that was wrong and she tried to let him kiss her in her pajamas. When he went toward her he kissed her in her pajamas, she became frightened, screamed, backed away from him, trembled, absolutely terrified. And, when he-four months later he had lost another forty pounds, teased by his office mates.
I had met the girl at a hospital picnic. She was a very nice, normal girl. She was friendly, agreeable. She was very much in awe of the superintendent, very much in awe of me because I was next in rank to the superintendent, and she knew her husband's respect forme.
After four months' loss of forty pounds, the young man sought me out and told me, "I can only kiss my wife if I've got my hands on her shoulders. I have to be very careful if I want to hug her, to keep my hands on the back of her neck. I can't get near her in her pajamas. She knows it's wrong, she'll sleep in the nude with me but she won't let me touch her. If she senses my hand coming toward her in the bed she slides out, terrified. We talked it over, fully dressed, at the table and she says she can't help what she's doing and I believe her. But I can't stand to g9 on like this. I love her. She loves me. We want children. You know how impossible it would be if we don't have intercourse. She will walk around in the nude in the bedroom, but if I make a move toward her she goes into Disc 1 I P;tgc 25
a panic state. I've discussed with her having psychotherapy and she's very eager for it. And she's told me that you are the only man that she would talk to. She knows she can't talk to the superintendent and she doesn't like the other psychiatrists but she has told me she'd like to talk to you."
Her mother's worried, awfully frightened. His mother wanted grandchildren right away. I agreed to take the case. Now how would you handle that case? Now consider, if he reached out and touched her arm like that she'd be across the room, trembling and screaming. If he touched her on the knee like that she'd be across the room, screaming and trembling, literally out of her mind with terror. Her mother had done a very thorough job. Yet the mother approved of the marriage and she wanted grandchildren.
Now how are you going to handle that case? How are you going to de-find it?
Student: Define it?
Milton En"ckson: De-find it, as a therapeutic problem.
Student: Dissociate her in some way.
Milton Erickson: What's that?
Student: Dissociate her so that she could get through the experience without having to experience the fear.
Milton Erickson: A girl that frightened-well [redacted] illustrated the opposite. Now under no circumstances would [redacted] say, "You could awaken me by kissing me," in the waking state before a group. She couldn't do it. Isn't that right? And this girl, whether awake or in a trance, her fear and terror are still there. And so hypnosis couldn't help. Besides, her problem was conscious. She knew about it. And you had to treat it in the conscious state. When the problem is unconscious-and [redacted]'s difficulties with me were largely unconscious-then she could take charge because she felt safe in the trance state. This girl had been taught ALL men-had been deeply engrained on her.
Student: Well, it seems like the problem is conscious but there's unconscious elements in it. Disc 1 i p,;ge 26
lv1ilton Erickson: That's right. Now what was that unconscious element?
Student: Most likely the fear that her mother transmitted to her when she was, you know, three-years old.
lv1ilton Erickson: Yes, but what did the mother do?
Student: Specifically, what did the mother do?
Student: What'd you say happened to the father?
Milton Erickson: Died.
Student: So, the fear oflosing a man.
Milton Erickson: She had no siblings.
Student: So, did she sleep with her mother?
Milton Erickson: She grew up with her mother. No siblings.
Student: Did she sleep with her mother?
Milton Erickson: In all other regards her mother was a nice woman.
Student: Her mother transmitted to her if you get too close to a man-
Milton Erickson: Had transmitted to her an all-inclusive fear of men.
Student: Of being abandoned if you get too close.
Disc 11 P:1gc 2
Milton Erickson: And being dangerous.
Student: Oh, her husband died.
Milton Erickson: Just falling in love and getting married could not dispute all her childhood, girlhood, young-womanhood teachings. Now how would you handle that?
All right. The first thing you need to do is recognize the problem is hers, all hers, and not her husband's.
Student: That's what you think.
Milton Erickson: It wasn't her husband's problem. He was ready to consummate the marriage many, many times but she wasn't. It was her problem. So how are you going to handle the problem?
Student: I think you'd have to do some kind of age regression and get her back to- you'd have to do some kind of age regression and get her back to that age when she learned those fears so that she could unlearn them.
Milton Erickson: There's a lot of truth when you live in a big city like Detroit to avoid strange men.
Student: There's a lot of truth?
Milton Erickson: Mmhmm.
Student: Do you do some reality testing on how to separate out who to be fearful of and who not to be fearful of?
Milton Erickson: That's right. Her mother hadn't done that.
Student: She hadn't been discriminating enough.
Disc 1 : P:1ge 28
Student: That it's a good fear but it only applies in certain places.
Disc 11 P:1gc 29
STORY2 Teach Correct Discrimination: Roxanna and Kristina Milton Erickson: Yes, but still, little children, little girls are taught to fear strangers. And parents fail to know what a stranger is to a child. Parents fail to explain to a child who a stranger is. A nicely dressed man, a nice car like Daddy's car, is not a stranger. He's too much like Daddy. Illustrate the discrimination that should be taught.
My wife and Betty Alice and three-years old Roxanna and 18-months old Kristina were with them in Detroit. And Betty Alice and her mother wanted to go shopping in Hudson's Department Store and told the little girls, "You play in the sandbox. Don't leave the sandbox. Stay there and play there. Don't leave it." They came out after the store had closed for the day and headed for the playground right over by Hudson's Department Store and there were no little girls. And neither Betty Alice nor her mother could understand why Roxanna and Kristina had disobeyed. No little girls in the sandbox. Betty Alice said, "You go this way and I'll go that way, looking for the girls." Just then a very red-faced policeman came around the corner, a little girl in each hand. And Roxanna explained, "We had to go to the bathroom so we asked the policeman." There was a policeman on duty and that on the grounds there, just to protect little children. And they knew enough that- to recognize him as a policeman. And police protect people. And that poor policeman was so red-faced when Roxanna gave her explanation. But I think he felt very proud when he got home that two little girls had recognized that he was their protector.
Now that's discrimination and correct discrimination. They couldn't ask a clergyman, a priest. They didn't know who wears the headband and who wears his collar around backwards. The children weren't old enough to make that kind of discrimination. Yet they could discriminate police.
Disc 1 i P:1ge 30
STORY3 The Voluptuous Greek Orthodox Girl: Part II Milton Erickson: All right. I told the young man that I would see his wife. And she came in, very embarrassed, that Saturday afternoon. I questioned her about being in love with her husband, about her mother's teachings, about their bedtime behavior. She's always ashamed of it. She said, "I can't help it." And she explained to me she wanted to have the marriage consummated and she wanted to get pregnant. It was very important to her mother to have grandchildren. She lost her husband and couldn't have more children and she did want grandchildren. And I agreed with the girl that her mother was entitled to grandchildren. Now she was seeing me because she- of all the doctors at the hospital I was the one that she had sorted as being safe and she was very free in explaining the difficulty. And her story was corroborated by the story that her husband had told me. So how could I get the girl to handle the situation?
Student: Since it was her mother that gave her the indiscriminant teaching could you get-talk to the mother and get the mother to reinstruct her daughter with the proper kind of discrimination?
lVIilton Erickson: Do you speak English? Do you speak French?
Student: Slightly.
lVIilton Erickson: Do you speak Japanese?
Student: Not at all.
lVIilton Erickson: If you married a Japanese girl could your mother tell you how to do lovetalk to a Japanese girl?
Student: My mother?
lVIilton Erickson: Mmhmm.
Disc 11 P;lgc 31
Student: No.
Other Student: She was Japanese?
Milton Erickson: No!
Other Student: How can your mother tell you how to do lovetalk?
Milton Erickson: She couldn't understand that kind of adult talk.
Student: How could she teach her to talk lovetalk to anybody when she didn't know about it herself.
Mzlton Erickson: Her mother had given her one kind of instruction: a language of fear. And that's the language she does understand. I've given you a tip.
Student: She needed to learn the language of love.
Milton Erickson: Huh?
Student: She needed to learn the language of love.
Milton Erickson: Yes. And how could I teach her that?
Student: Well the most likely person would be her husband to teach her that.
Milton Erickson: And he didn't do it after four months.
Student: Something already was going on between you and her. She had already said that he is the only man-
Milton Erickson: What's that? Disc
11 P:1gc 32
Student: Something already was going on with her in regard to you. You were the only man that she trusted. And you were already beginning to teach her that. I mean that was already- it was- the seed was already there between you and her.
}vfilton Erickson: All right. I'll tell you what I did. I said, "Today is Saturday."
Student: Today is Saturday.
J.V!ilton Erickson: Today is Saturday. And you recognize the consummation of marriage is important. And you could consummate the marriage tonight but I prefer Friday. You could consummate the marriage tomorrow, Sunday night, but I would prefer Friday. You might on Monday night, but I would prefer Friday. You might on Tuesday night, but I would prefer Friday. You might on Wednesday. I would prefer Friday. You might on Thursday night, but I would prefer Friday." I named all the days of all the years yet to come. And Friday was my night. The marriage wasn't consummated.
I told her husband, "You go to bed, go to sleep, and be totally passive, and never make a move." Saturday night passed, without her husband making a move, without her making a move. That's how Saturday night goes. Sunday night the same thing. And my night of Friday was getting closer. Tuesday night went by. Wednesday night. And my night of Friday, MY night was getting closer. And Thursday night she awakened her husband who was sound asleep and raped him.
Student: Thursday night?
lVIilton Erickson: Yes. After eleven o'clock.
Student: But it wasn't Friday.
lVIilton Erickson: No. I gave her a chance to be afraid of a man on Friday night.
Student: I thought you were giving her permission that way.
Milton Erickson: No. I gave her a situation where she could be afraid of a man on Friday. Disc 1!
3:
And she waited until the last possible hour and it was her problem and she raped him.
Student: Was she your patient after that?
Milton Erickson: No.
Milton Erickson: And that surprised him and he functioned adequately. But, her mother had never told her be careful that she didn't rape men.
Student: It's true.
Milton Erickson: Her mother had told her "fear a man" and never said anything about her attacking men. So I set up a situation in which she could take the initiative and attack a man. And she had never been taught not to rape a man. I just filled in where her mother had left a vacancy. And I gave her me to fear as a representative of all men.
And then the husband told me about it on Friday morning and said, "After she raped me and tried to go to sleep and we decided to have intercourse and we had it before breakfast too, and we're going to have it tonight." The entire barrier is broken. And I told you, it was her problem and she had to solve it.
Student: So, what about her trust of men? I mean, that barrier was broken but what about her-
Milton Erickson: Trust in me?
Student: Trusting men.
Milton Erickson: And she didn't know I was teaching her to fear me. All I said was I would prefer that she and her husband consummate the marriage on Friday night, my night. That brought me into a three-sided sexual relationship.
Student: But do you think, I mean, that that broke the sexual barrier. But what effect do you think that that had on her ability to trust men ultimately?
Disc 1 j Page 34
Student: Well she trusted her husband; she loved him. It was just in the sexual area she had these prohibitions. And he said she was normal in other ways.
Milton Erickson: Her fear of all men included her husband. She respected me because of my position of trust in the hospital. A 4,000 bed hospital, medical school, Michigan State University, Wayne State University- urn- Graduate School, he had three professorships. And she knew that everybody respected me. So I could be a man safe to talk to. Now when I started preferring Friday night, I too became a sexual man. And she knew she could still trust me and recognized I was a sexual man. Her escape to me and do the one thing her mother had forgotten to warn her about-her raping a man. And that was her problem.
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STORY4 A Shiny Distraction: Baby .Betty Alice and the Knife Student: That reminds me of your story about this girl Cinnamon Face whom you provided a channel for the anger or a channel for the fear and that was a critical part of the treatment, giving her someone -giving the child someone to be angry at.
Milton Erickson: "You're a thiefl You steal!" That channeled her anger.
Student: And with this woman you channeled her fear toward yourself. Milton Erickson: I channeled her fear about MY Friday night. And so she ran away from that. And raped her husband and having had sex relations then her husband was accessible to her.
Student: Then her husband was-
Milton Erickson: Her husband was accessible to her. It's sort of like a litde baby gets ahold of a sharp butcher knife and gripping it by the blade. How are you going to take that sharp butcher knife away from the baby?
Student: Distract the baby.
Student: Offer it something else to hold on to.
Mzlton Erickson: What is she going to trade that butcher knife which is bright and shiny?
Student: Depends on the kid, candy or something else bright and shiny. Something that wiggles.
Milton Erickson: What?
Milton Erickson: Our Betty Alice sat on the floor with a sharp butcher knife in her hand and she was bright enough to recognize that Mother always put such things out of her reach. She finally got ahold of one. She wouldn't let Mother take it away from her.
So I said, "That's pretty." Went up to the bedroom and got her a hand mirror, stood near a window, held the mirror so it would reflect the sun against the ceiling, wiggled it, and the bright spot went all around everywhere. And she took the mirror away from me. And I had the butcher knife. You see, you should deal with children at their level. Try to tell a little baby like that "no"-Betty Alice you couldn't tell anything to.
Now the steam was first turned on in the hospital where we lived. Because we lived in a hospital building. I took her into the steam register and pointed to it and said, "Baby, hurt baby. Make baby cry. Don't touch. Baby get burned." Here I was giving her orders so she grabbed ahold of it and promptly let loose. I took her out in the other room and dressed her hand. And I took her into another bedroom, pointed to another register and, "Hurt baby. Baby-baby cry. Bite baby. Burn baby." She slapped it with the other hand.
Student: Oh no.
Milton Erickson: So I dressed that hand and then I took her into another room and pointed, "Bite baby. Hurt baby. Make baby cry." And this time that exploring finger moved slowly, felt the heat, and drew it away. I had a collection of cactus and I picked out the cactus with the most-least dangerous thorns. I looked at Betty Alice and said, "Musn't touch. Bite baby. Hurt baby. Baby cry." She took good grip. So I pulled the stickers out, dressed her hand, and I showed her another cactus. I said, "Bite baby. Hurt baby. Baby cry." So she slapped it. I dressed her hand again then I showed her another cactus. That exploring finger-and when she felt the thorn her curiosity was satisfied.
Student: She had that Erickson drive.
Milton Erickson: Or stupidity.
Student: No.
Other Student: I want to learn myself. Disc 11 P:1gc:
STORY5 Always Misunderstand an Insult as a Compliment Milton Erickson: You see, I taught my children not to be afraid of things, and to try to handle them correctly, no matter what they were. And I taught my children, "Never let anybody hurt your feelings."
If somebody tries and they succeed rush, run, don't walk to the nearest garbage can and dump your hurt feelings.
And she graduated mid-year in Michigan as a teacher and applied for a job in industrial Detroit. And she noticed that all the teachers had their faces averted. She read the scuh-contract. She noticed the school board were holding their breath while she was reading the contract. Yet she wanted a job so she signed the contract.
The first thing that happened was an old biddy on the faculty said, "We must give the new teacher a welcome party."And when that old biddy made that announcement all the other teachers looked at the floor, they had hangdog looks on their faces and nobody else looked at Betty Alice.
And Betty Alice said, "This has every evidence of proving to be a disagreeable situation. It's a party I don't want to miss." So she arranged to be the last one to arrive. She rang the doorbell, the old biddy opened the door, took her gently by the arm -led her out to the middle of the room.
Betty Alice didn't know what was coming. All the teachers were looking at the floor, at the wall.
The old biddy said, "Miss Erickson, in all my years of teaching I've never before encountered anybody so ignorant, so stupid, so ill-fitted, so incompetent, so unprepared to teach."
Student: My goodness.
Milton Erickson: And Betty Alice smiled happily and modestly and said, "That's because I Disc 1 i Page 38
worked so hard at it."
"That's because I worked so hard at it."
And the old biddy left and the teachers all had a good time.
A high school teacher said of one of my sons, "That was the most idiotic, utterly stupid performance, worst I've ever seen." And my son said wonderingly, "And I wasn't even half trying["
You don't take insults. You leave them with the insulter. It's his problem. And in therapy your patient will come to you with hurt feelings: "My husband called me an ignorant, incompetent, nonentity."
"Is that the best your husband could do? Is his vocabulary lacking? He must've meant something but what did he mean using just those few words?" And she starts looking at the insults in a different way. And I've discredited the insult.
Always turn any insult-always misunderstand it as a compliment. And that baffles the person.
"Are you really that stupid?"
"Only on Wednesdays." Yet what do you do with that answer? Disc 1 i P;tgc J
Student: You're stuck with it.
Milton Erickson: "You're the homeliest girl I ever met."
"That's why I won the title on the 31st of February, Leap Year."
Student: "You're the homeliest girl I ever met." and she says, "That's why I won the title, on the 31st of February."
Milton Erickson: What are they going to do? With your very stupid remark? They're going to try to make sense out of it. And that's their problem.
And now Mrs. Erickson fell down the basement steps and Betty Alice was in the basement about nine-years old. And as her mother was picking herself up Betty Alice says, "Why did you do that, Mother?" And Betty's reaction was one of rage and then total amusement. It helped soothe her-her bruises.
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STORY6 Misunderstand It When Your Patient Says Something Tangential lv1ilton Erickson: One day in the Hilton Hotel in Detroit, I was lecturing there, Betty was with me, and Betty Alice, and Betty Alice's roommate. And I got on the elevator alone afterwards and the operator complimented me on my two very beautiful daughters. And later that day in the evening, when we got on that same elevator, Kelly, Betty Alice, Betty, and I, and a very drunk doctor got on. He propositioned Mrs. Erickson quite plainly. And she misunderstood him being inquiring about the obscure English philosopher Penlon, named Penlon.
So she said, "Oh, you mean Penlon, that obscure English philosopher."
And the drunk looked at her, "How stupid can a broad be?" So she asked him much more plainly. And that time she misunderstood him being inquiring about Descartes, the French mathematician.
And he was so discouraged, he turned to Kelly and said, "Will you come up to my room and look at my etchings?"
Kelly said, "No." So he got off.
The elevator operator-and then Betty Alice said, "Mama, didn't you know he was propositioning you?"
And Mama said, "Of course I did, but he doesn't know I know." And the poor operator heard Betty Alice, who he called my daughter, say, "Mama" to my other daughter.
So in therapy when your patient says something that is tangential for your therapy, misunderstand it, give it a new interpretation, and make that tangential remark totally useless. Some patients will try to pick a-quarrel with the therapist or try to lead the therapist to look in the wrong direction. And you can use your own stupidity to keep right on the right track. Disc 1 i P:1gc 4
Student: Could you give another example of that in a therapy situation?
Milton Erickson: An alcoholic was telling me all about his beginning drinking his increase- slow increasing drinking, his first drunk, his second drunk, his first prolonged drunk. Then he made some idiotic accusation against his mother. He's trying to distract you from his story of being drunk and lead you astray in defending his mother. Now I said, "Did she have one or two legs?"
Student: Perfect.
Student: You beat them at their own game.
Milton Erickson: Hm?
Student: You beat them at their own game.
Milton Erickson: I beat them at their own game. That usually gets a laugh and we go right back to his drunkenness. Why should you let the patient guide the interview? It's your task to guide it.
Now, I told you about a man in a group that came here getting instruction about terminal disease in children and how he lost 159 pounds. And I never mentioned weight. Well, just being in the group hearing me discuss children, he applied what I said to himself. Because he was a child in relationship to himself, a spoiled, selfish child.
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STORY7 "I Knew What I Was Doing, Nobody Else Did": The Boston Nurse Milton Erickson: Now, in October 6th, 1956 I was invited to address a national convention of psychiatrists at the Boston State Hospital. Leo Alexander was the doctor in charge of the program. When I arrived he asked me to talk on hypnosis.
Then he said, "Could you give a-a very complete demonstration?"
Then I said, "I can call members of the audience. If I do that they'll all have a feeling they missed something. And both you and I know that they won't miss anything. Now there will be a general feeling of dissatisfaction. And they will have learned without knowing they learned. I prefer some subject I could invite."
He said, "Well why don't you go around the wards and find a suitable subject?"
I went around the various wards and I saw the nurse who intrigued me. She was a very responsive nurse and I knew it would be no problem at all to put her in a trance. And so I told Dr. Alexander I'd see the nurse, told him her name, and said she'd volunteered. She knew nothing about hypnosis, never heard a lecture, never saw a demonstration. In other words she's a perfect subject.
When I told Dr. Alexander her name he said, "Oh no, no, no, no! That girl has been in psychoanalysis for two years. She is a compensated depressive." In case you don't know what that means, it's a depressed patient who has compensated for her depression and just absorbing herself in her work, and doing it very well with the absolutely rigid intensity of bringing it to a sharp halt. And everybody in the hospital knew that nurse was going to resign from the hospital on October 20th and she was going to commit suicide. And she had already given away all of her jewelry and a lot of her clothes, keeping just enough to last until October 20th. And this is October the 6th.
He said, "That girl is going to commit suicide. We all know it. We're all prepared for it. And nobody can talk the girl out of it. And we're all alarmed. She does her work perfectly and you won't hear anything about her plans, and she's dead-set on it."
Disc 1! P:1gc 43
I said, "Well I promised the girl; the girl promised me. If I refuse to use her I can be the final rejection of her and she could commit suicide before October 20th. So I don't see any way out of the trap I've got myself into except to use her."
And the entire staff, all her friends argued with me, but I couldn't see any way out of it except by using her. So I gave my lecture. I called on a few of the audience to demonstrate hand levitation or anesthesia, or some minor thing. And then I called Anne. I told Anne where to sit in the auditorium. I called on her to stand up.
She stood up and I said, "Now Anne, walk up to the stage and come all the way to me. And don't walk too fast. Don't walk too slowly. And with each step go a little of the way into the trance so that when you get all the way up to me you'll be in a deep trance." And it was nice to see her walk with a measured step all the way up. When she arrived at the stage she came next to me her eyes were open and she was in a very deep, deep trance.
And I said, "Where are you?"
And she said, "Here."
And I said, ''Where is here?"
She said, "With you."
"Is there anybody else around?"
"No."
"Where are you?"
"Here with you."
''What's out there?"
Disc 1 ! P:1gc 44
"Nothing."
"There?"
"Nothing." And total negative hallucinations for all her surroundings. Well I demonstrated catalepsy in her. She was already demonstrating negative hallucinations.
And then I said to her, "You know Anne, there is such a time-thing as time distortion in hypnosis. Would you like to know what time distortion is?" She was interested. And I said, "A minute can seem like an hour, or hours can seem like just a few minutes. You can expand time; you can contract time. Now when you drop medicine in the eye of a child, the child, he waits, and waits, and waits, and waits, and waits until you do the second two. But to the child he was waiting, waiting, waiting.
"And you will have friends come and visit you you haven't seen for a long time and stay all afternoon and at six o'clock you all say, 'What happened to the day? The whole day has disappeared so rapidly.' You can expand time; you can contract time."
So I gave her a few lessons in time distortion. And then I suggested that we go to the Boston Arboretum. She promptly hallucinated us in the Boston Arboretum. I pointed to the annuals that were dying and mentioned how they would be replanted next spring. Perennials, they were dying too. And they would come to life again next spring all by themselves. I pointed to the leaves that were changing color this October. And New England is a very nice place to see the changing color of leaves. And I pointed out various shrubs, bushes, vines, and trees. Discussed their flowering, the development of Disc 1 i p,1gc 45
seed and fruit and how many plants distribute their seeds in various ways. Dandelion by having down, and the wind takes the seed and carries it. How the seeds are eaten by birds, not digested but they're spread around. And Anne and I had a very interesting trip to the Arboretum. We went in rather rapid time because I had Anne enlarging mentally on everything I had said and I didn't have to say very much. Now the audience could hear me talking about the Arboretum. And then I suggested we go to the Boston Zoo. I told her about the baby kangaroos; she had never seen one. She was almost like being at the zoo. We looked at the baby kangaroo, the adult ones, and the lions, their cubs, and the tigers and their cubs, the wolves and their whelps and the elephants and the monkeys and so on, and bears. And then we went to the aviary and looked at the birds. And I spoke about the migration of birds, how a tern was born, how they hatched out one summer in the aerie. And when the right time comes they fly 10,000 miles to the tip of South America. It doesn't have a compass, it has no college education, but he finds his way anyway. We spoke about the wonders of living creatures. And then we went back to the hospital. I gave her a positive view of the audience. I let various members of the hospital staff talk to her and demonstrate rapport. She talked to them and not as a nurse but as an equal. She was a very lovely subject.
And then I suggested, "Anne, the hospital is boring, let's walk down to the Boston beach." We spoke about the beach having been there long before the white menenjoyed by the Indians, countless generations of Indians. And then countless generations of whites with pale faces who had enjoyed the beach. And it was at the present a very lovely beach, being enjoyed by the current generation. Yet that beach of green being there permanent for future generations. And I had her look at the ocean, as it was smooth with small waves on it, huge waves. We talked about the inhabitants of the ocean, the migrations of the green turtle, the whales, the salmon, their mysterious ways of finding home in some river. Salmon, the eels, the hatching on the land down the river and nobody knows where they go. Eventually they return to the land to lay their eggs-same with salmon, same with the green turtle. We spoke of all the mystery of the ocean, how mysterious it was. And there was a tide-go out and come back in. And we see the violent storm of the ocean. And we wandered back to the hospital and did a few more things. And I thanked her very profusely in the trance state. And I awakened her and thanked her for her services. She was obviously surprised she thought she just arrived on the platform. She had total amnesia. I dismissed her. She went back to the ward to complete the day's work. And the audience discussed her performance with me. Asked me a lot of questions.
The next day Anne did not come to work. It alarmed her friends. The next day she didn't show up for work. Went to her apartment, couldn't find any traces of her uniform, just a few clothes that she had kept. She had-she was an orphan, had no siblings. The police were called in: missing person. The police could find no trace of her Disc 1 i P:1gc 4(,
body.
A year later when I lectured in Boston, Dr. Alexander and I were very unpopular. Nothing had been heard from Anne. Five years later everybody had forgotten Anne except Dr. Alexander and me. Still no traces. Ten years later, no traces. Fifteen years later, no traces.
And sixteen years later, one afternoon I got a long-distance call from Florida. A woman's voice said, "You probably will not remember me. My name is Anne. I was the nurse that you used as a subject at the Boston State Hospital in 1956. I was thinking today you might like to know what had happened to me." I told her I was very interested. Upon leaving work she went to the Naval recruiting station. And she demanded immediate induction into the Navy. She had all her credentials. The Navy took her in. Served a couple of enlistments. And then she was discharged in Florida and got a job in a hospital there. Met a retired Air Force officer, married him, had five children.
And I was doing therapy the whole time and nobody knew it. I was discussing life, various forms of life, the beauty of life. Everybody thought I was lecturing on hypnosis-and demonstrating hypnosis. Anne didn't know I was doing any therapy either, just being a good subject. I knew what I was doing, nobody else did.
Now therapy can be done and your patient makes her own interpretation, makes her own value about what you say and they apply it to themselves any way they wish.
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STORY8 "Put Me in a Trance Tonight-1 Have a Problem": Florence Mzlton Erickson: Also at that meeting a woman approached me, a gray-haired woman, and said, "How are you Dr. Erickson? Do you remember me?"
And I said, "Your question implies I should. I really don't remember you."
She said, "I'm a grandmother now."
And I said, "There are grandmothers every day, there have been for a long time."
She laughed and said, "Oh I'll give you another clue. You wrote a paper about me."
And I said, "I've written a lot of papers and forgotten what I put in them."
And she said, "Oh I'll give you one more clue. John is still practicing internal medicine."
I said, "Hello Florence. I'm glad to see you again."
Now when I first went to Worcester State Hospital on the research service, I was the first psychiatrist on the research service. They were just building it up then, and I was very, very quite busy. And I learned that working in the general mental hospital staff was a resident in psychiatry, a beautiful young girl. Very brilliant, very good looking. But the entire staff was worried about her. Her residency was going to end at the end of June. And in January she had developed a very bad neurosis and she had sought help because she was having stomach problems, colitis, insomnia, was losing weight, she was afraid of everything, could only feel comfortable working on the ward with patients. And she worked from early in the morning till late at night. And she tried to talk to the various staff members and they didn't know what was wrong, didn't know what had caused it. But she knew she was awfully neurotic and fearful and worried and afraid and terrified. And the staff was very concerned about her. She had been a very brilliant, very Disc 1 i P:1gc 48
competent resident. Now she was breaking down into a basket case. Now I was too busy on the research service to do anything about it.
And one day she showed up at my office and said, "Dr. Erickson, I've attended some of your lectures on hypnosis and I've watched what you've done with hospital employees and with patients. I'd like to have you come to my apartment and put me in trance tonight. I have a problem. And when you arrive at my apartment tonight at seven o'clock don't be alarmed if I've forgotten that I invited you to come. Just come right in, no matter what I say to you."
And when I arrived at her apartment at seven that night she was awfully surprised, but courteously invited me in the apartment. And I sat down, began a social chatter about it being my first spring in New England. I didn't know anything about New England. I come from Wisconsin, Colorado and I'd seen the Atlantic Ocean for the first time. She gradually went into a hypnotic trance.
As soon as she was in a very deep trance she said, "Dr. Erickson, I had you come here to put me in a trance. I've got a problem I don't dare to face but I have to face it. I don't know what the problem is I want you to keep me in a trance, and send me in my bedroom, tell me to lie down on the bed and go to work on my problem. Return in one hour and ask me ifl'm through." So I obeyed her instructions picked up a book and read until eight o'clock. When I asked her if she was through she said, "Not yet. Give me at least another hour." I went back to my reading. At nine o'clock I went in and she said, "It's longer than I thought. Just wait and come in at ten o'clock." Came in at ten o'clock. She said, "I'm almost through it'll take me about another half-hour."
At the end of the half hour, at ten thirty, I went in. She sighed and said, "I'm all through. Now have me come out into the living room and tell me to have a total amnesia for everything, absolutely total amnesia, and awaken me gently. I'll be surprised to find you there, now I'll have a total amnesia, now don't worry about that. And before you leave, tell me it's all right to know just the answer." I took her out and sat her in the chair she had been in and started to proceed to awaken her by continuing chattering about spring in New England. She awakened, obviously bored by what I had to say about New England.
All of a sudden she happened to see the clock, the clock read 11 o'clock. She said, "Dr. Erickson, it's 11 o'clock, what are you doing in my apartment at this hour? Would you please leave!"
Disc 1
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I said, "Certainly." I opened the door and stepped out and I said, "It's all right to know just the answer."
And she blushed and said, "A thought came to me I'm not prepared to face. So will you leave, leave now! Hurry up! Get out!" So I got out. I didn't see her the rest of that month of June. Her residency ended June 30th. I didn't know where she went, I was too busy in the research service to find out.
July passed, August passed, and then in the last week of September she came rushing into my office and said, "Dr. Erickson, I've got something that I should tell you. And you don't know what it is. Now I have to go into detail. Last June- well, this morning I was lying in bed and working-- ee." She named a State Hospital that was about 40 miles away near Smith College. "And I'm on the psychiatric service and my husband, John, is on the medical service, and today is my day off.
"Now I was lying in bed enjoying and thinking of what a fortunate girl I was. How I had met John and I had fallen in love with him, and John had fallen in love with me. And I was thinking of all our happiness since our marriage last July. And I was just reveling in happiness the way a bride can revel in knowing that she has married the right man. He loves her, she loves him, everything is wonderful and rosy. All since I remember inviting you to my apartment last June. And I didn't remember when you showed up. I had invited you. I was just surprised. I tried to be polite. You started talking about spring in New England. I went into trance. I told you I had a problem I couldn't face. I told you to send me into my bedroom, come back in an hour's time. And that you were to tell me when I went into my bedroom, 'Lie down on the bed,' and to work on my problem. I told to you to come back in an hour's time. You did, but I wasn't through. Came back at 9 o'clock I wasn't through. At ten o'clock I wasn't through. And at ten thirty I was through. And when I laid down on the bed to work on my problem a great long manuscript unrolled with a line down the middle. On one side were the pros and the other side were the cons. It concerned John.
"You see I come from a very wealthy, very snobbish family. And everythingwas easy for me at school. I always got A's in college and medical school. I didn't have to work hard. My family was wealthy, I had all these benefits of wealth and social position. I travelled abroad, had been to New York for concerts, symphonies, theater. And then last December, at a party I met John. John was a young physician interested in internal medicine. I liked him as soon as I met him. And he returned the liking. I soon found out that John came from a very poor home on the other side of the tracks. And his parents were uneducated. John had to work his way through high school. He wasn't brilliant; he got B's and C's. He was ambitious. He worked his way through college. And worked his way through medical school. He was interested, very greatly interested, Disc 1 Page _:;o
in internal medicine. And I knew that I was much brighter than John and I came from a wealthy, snobbish family. I'd been trained to be a snob in my childhood. And John was oflesser intelligence. And not-had no advantages, just those of poverty. And he was a dedicated internist. And I was interested in psychiatry. I liked him a lot. But my snobbish rearing made me realize that a snob could not marry a poorer man, especially a man who is inferior intellectually. And so I developed a neurosis. I forgot all about John. All I knew was I was worried, full of fear, uncertainty. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I lost weight, I had colitis, and I was almost a basket case. And the night you came to my apartment, you put me in a trance, I saw that long manuscript unroll. On one side were the pros, the other side were the cons-the pros and cons for marrying John. I started reading all the pros and all the cons: a long, slow, hard job. And thinking through the pros and cons, it took a long time. Then I began casting out the cons that were compensated by the pros. And it was a long hard job.
"And finally, it came to ten o'clock. I hadn't left. I had all the cons canceled out; the pros had canceled them. I still had a long list of pros I had not read yet, so I set the time from ten o'clock to ten thirty reading the pros. And then I knew, despite our different backgrounds, John and I could get married. And I told you to give me a total amnesia for everything and when you left that it was all right to know the answer. When you started to leave you stopped and said, 'It's all right to know just the answer.' A thought came to my mind, now I can marry John and I wasn't prepared for that. I think I was rude to you and I told you to leave. And this morning, reveling in my happiness in bed all that memory came back to me suddenly. I dressed quickly, didn't stop for breakfast, drove as fast as I could here, Northampton. And now you know what my neurosis was, and how you served to do therapy on me."
Yes, I did therapy on her. And it lasted, now she was a grandmother and still happily married. And John was still in internal medicine, and she was still in psychiatry. I had done therapy without knowing I was doing therapy. I didn't know what the problem was. All I knew was that she was a neurotic girl and she asked me to put her in a trance.
So you could do therapy without knowing a thing about a patient. And you could do therapy without the patient knowing you're doing therapy. They can have an amnesia for the therapy. And at the right time there can be a recollection of everything important.
Student: What was that last sentence?
Milton Erickson: At the right time there can be a recollection of everything that's important. And I have several cases like that that I've treated, I didn't write out or Disc 11 P;1gc 51
publish.
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STORY9 Telling the Truth: The Girl with the Big Fat Fanny Milton Erickson: Now here's a teaser I did in therapy by actually being offensive to the patient.
I first went to Michigan and saw one of the hospital employees-a girl who was pretty from the knees down and pretty from the waist up. And she had the biggest fanny I had ever seen on any girl. It was enormous. I saw her walking down the hospital corridor and she passed someone and made a vicious swing of her fanny to knock that person down. Now I knew she hated her great big fanny. And that interested me that a girl hated herself and I kept my eye on her. It didn't take long to find out she was a medical technician. And from my office I could see her on her days off standing at the gates of the grounds greeting mothers who had small children with them. And I could see the girl asking questions and the mother nod her head. And the girl would give the child a stick of gum or a toy or a piece of candy. And asked the mother another question and the mother would nod her head. And I'd see the girl take charge of the small child while the mother came to the hospital to visit with a sick relative. And also the girl would sometimes collect as many as thirty little kids to look after and she always did it on her day off through all the good weather-spring, summer, and autumn. That was her day off, babysitting a lot of strange kids, little kids.
And after about a year she developed hiccups night and day. And the visiting staff had 169 men from Detroit. They all examined her. I was on staff too. And everybody agreed that there was nothing wrong with her physically. And everybody recommended psychiatric consultation. And the girl flatly refused. 'Cause she knew who the psychiatrist was who was called in, and she didn't like the idea of having me interview her. So she held on to the hiccupping night and day for another three weeks.
And her boss at the medical laboratory got disgusted, went to see her, and said, "Now look here, Miss, you're getting free hospital care. I'm keeping your job open for you, and even though you're sick abed, you're getting paid regularly. Your sickness isn't causing you any trouble and all the staff recommend a psychiatric consultation. You're refusing. I've come here to give you an ultimatum. Either you accept the psychiatric consultation, or the staff will call a private ambulance and get yourself admitted to a private hospital. You pay the ambulance. You pay the private hospital. You lose your job. And you lose your pay." And the girl agreed to see me and have a psychiatric consultation. Her boss notified me at two o'clock in the afternoon. I went over to see her. Disc 1 P:tgc _:; 1
I walked into her room, closed the door behind me, held my hand up this way. And said, "Now keep silent! Don't say a word until I have finished speaking. You won't understand what I'm going to say to you. Now listen carefully and I want to make it very plain. You've got the biggest, fattest behind I've ever seen on a girl. And also you have never read the Song of Solomon in your Bible."
Milton En.ckson: Song of Solomon. Apparently you haven't either.
Student: I have!
Mzlton Erickson: You have?
Student: Yeah.
Milton En.ckson: The girl looked at me very puzzled. And I said, "Just because you have a great big fat derriere you think no man will be interested in you. If you had read the Song of Solomon, you'd know, a certain kind of man would be very interested in you. You think that great big fanny of yours is a handicap and it isn't. Again, if you'd read the Song of Solomon you would know that any man who would want to be the father of many children and look at your great big fat fanny and he would see a lovely cradle for children. So there's a Bible in your nightstand beside your bed. After I leave you read the Song of Solomon and see if that isn't the way a man who wants children will see your big fat fanny as a cradle for children. Now don't get over your hiccups now. Wait until ten thirty or eleven o'clock tonight and then everybody can think it was a spontaneous cure, that I had nothing to do with it." She quit her hiccupping sometime after ten thirty that night.
A few months later she waited until my secretary went to lunch. She came in the office and showed me her engagement ring and said, "I thought you should be the first to see it." Sometime later she waited until my secretary had gone to lunch and she brought in her fiance to meet me. And then we started talking socially. And during the course of conversation I found out his occupation, I think it was insurance. He owned a piece of land near Detroit. And he and the girl were drawing up the plans for the house that was to be built on that land. It had five bedrooms and a big nursery. He wanted children and he knew a cradle for children when he saw one.
Student: What about the hiccups?
Disc 1 i P:1gc 34
Milton Erickson: The hiccups? They disappeared.
Student: Why did she have them in the first place?
Milton Erickson: She hated herself; she had to express it in someway. And her hiccups drew attention to her, kindly and favorable. And she would lie in bed all covered up so people could sympathize with her, look at her kindly, and try to treat her for hiccups, and never look at her fanny.
The very crudity of my approach-she had a great big fanny. And she was afraid she would never get married. She was thinking that because she hadn't read the Song of Solomon in the Bible. Well that kind of a statement, it compels attention. And I've spoken the bare truth very crudely. I didn't hem or haul around it. And I gave her a new interpretation to place upon her body. And girls with piano legs where their ankles are bigger than their knees should be. And they have two tree trunks for legs. What man is going to marry them? A man who likes a good foundation for a family. He wants children.
And one such nurse who was-who was the age of thirty, came on the ward to make rounds, she was the nurse in charge. She was sitting down behind her desk. The desk was in a peculiar corner-wise position. She sits behind it and let the nurse second-incharge make rounds with me. Now the nurse in charge should do that. Her position, her task-her deploying the second-in-charge to make rounds with me- I knew there was something wrong, it didn't take long to find out why her desk was in that peculiar position. A year later she came in telling me about her piano legs. And so I explained what piano legs really meant, the kind of men that would appreciate piano legs, and she left the hospital.
A dental intern across the hospital corridor came rushing into my office and said, "Who's that nurse who just left your office?"
I said, "She's a hospital employee."
"What's her name?"
I said, "I don't talk about people's names."
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He said, "I want to meet that nurse. I want her name."
I said, "I'm not a marriage broker. And you are a dental intern, but you have worked here long enough to know most of the employees of this hospital live in West Dearborn or East Dearborn or even in Detroit. And the bus service that brings them to work every morning, takes them home at night. There's a bus stop just across Michigan Avenue."
He rushed to the window and saw the nurse waiting. It was wintertime so he grabbed his coat, overcoat, and rushed to the bus stand.
And the following New Year's Day they held an Open House. Mrs. Erickson and I were the only- well I was the only doctor invited.
And she took me aside to a side room and said, "It's hard to believe that when my husband proposed to me he said I had the foundation for a good, large family." And Marie had five children within six years. They both wanted children.
Now if I had been polite and tried to teach Marie that piano legs aren't unlovely-! just told her the kind of a man that would admire piano legs.
You see, in therapy your patients should have an appreciation that you are not afraid to tell the truth. They are afraid of the truth and they try to beat around the bush. You can tell a homely girl she's homely. And she looks in the mirror she knows she is. Don't try to tell her she's plain looking, if she's homely tell her so. And don't let her tell you that she's a trifle overweight when she's a hundred pounds overweight.
Disc 1 P:1gc _::;(,
STORY10 Be Direct: "Now Let's Be Honest, You CAN Control That Spasticity" Milton Erickson: And I told you about the girl who has a spastic left arm, spastic left leg. And her hand kept waving all over and her leg kept going.
She came in to see me and she said, "I didn't come because of the spasticity of my arm and leg, I can't control it. She demonstrated the fact. She said, "I'm a trifle overweight. I want some help in that regard."
And I said, "Anne-" That's my favorite name for patients.
Student: What?
Student: His favorite name for patients is Anne.
Mzlton Erickson: "You need therapy." And I started out on a completely honest basis. "You've got your spasticity on your left side, you tell me it's from a smallpox inoculation when you were seven-years old. Now, that's a reasonable explanation. And I do know it can be localized encephalitis that can cause that type of pa-spasticity. You also told me you couldn't control. That you wanted to see me because you were a trifle overweight Now let's be honest, you CAN control that spasticity. Just put your left hand under that great big fat fanny of yours and sit on it and control the spasticity. And cross your big fat right thigh over your left thigh and that will control the spasticity there. And then we can take up the fact that you are not a trifle overweight; you're a great deal overweight."
Now that discourteous, impolite way told the patient I wasn't afraid of her condition. I wasn't going to pussyfoot around. I deal directly. You have to have the kind of personality that allows you to be direct. Some people have to pussyfoot they don't know how to attack directly.
She slimmed down after three meetings. And I made her take all the blame for her being overweight. Disc 1 i .P:1zc 57
I said, "You're the only one that stuffs food in your mouth. Nobody else does that. YOU do-stuffs food in your mouth. Nobody else does that."
Many years later she was working for Board of Officers in a laboratory in Chicago. She worked with brain-damaged children, deaf children, blind children, and taught them how to take care of themselves. It was her field. She was an excellent therapist for blind and deaf and brain-damaged, retarded. And she knew I was lecturing in Chicago. And so she called me at my hotel and asked me if she could take me out to dinner. And I agreed.
She picked me up at the hotel and said, "I'm taking you to a restaurant. I know it's good. I'm doing an experiment with you. We're going to walk in that restaurant. Nobody knows me, nobody knows you at that restaurant. And we'll see what happens." I wanted to know what she was up to. And a waiter rushed over, helped me off with my overcoat. He noticed my limp. He didn't notice hers. She too had a limp, but it was less than mine. Her experiment was that she had sufficient control of her limp. The waiter would notice mine but not hers.
Student: That was the experiment.
Mzlton Erickson: That she was very proud of, having controlled her limp that well. And it was a good test too.
Student: Did you say patients ARE afraid of the truth?
Milton Erickson: Aren't they? Why would a big zeppelin woman come in and say, "I'm a trifle overweight." And a man with a potbelly and he hasn't seen his feet for years, say he's a trifle overweight. And why does a patient who goes on three months long binges, drunk for three months or six months at a time say, "I've got a slight alcohol problem?"
Because they're afraid to face the truth.
Student: Did you ever work with her on the spasticity or just on the weight?
Milton Erickson: Just on the weight. I taught her she could control it. And thereafter, she Disc 1 i P:w:e .)8
controlled it. And that taught her she didn't always have to wave her arm around in all directions. And of course, the spastic can control it.
They can use artificial means of control. By doing that they gradually learn a muscle pattern over the years and it reduces the amount of spasticity.
And people are prone to cut down the seriousness of their problem and balloon out their troubles caused by a little neurosis. And you differentiate between the troubles they encounter and the actual neurosis.
Student: They tend to diminish what?
Student: They tend to diminish what?
Milton Erickson: Their actual problem.
Student: The actual problems then balloon out.
Milton Erickson: The trouble that occasions them.
Student: Balloon out the trouble that occasions them?
Milton Erickson: No, that the neurosis causes.
Student: Balloon out the trouble that neurosis causes.
Disc 1 i P:tgc _::;9
IN THE ROOM WITH
MILTON H. ERICKSON, M.D.
Disc 2 October 3rd, 1979
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STORY1 "Just a Superstition": Dallas Long Milton Erickson: I told him in a trance state to feel all his muscles. Just get acquainted with his body. And so you tell him his toes, his feet, his ankles, his knees, his calf, his leg muscles, his back muscles, belly muscles, arm muscles and so on.
The second time when I saw him I said, "Dallas, after a year's coaching you've reached the catapult of 58 feet. I'm going to tell you something, and listen to me. Dallas, no matter how intelligent you are, you really don't know the difference between 58 feet and 58 feet and one-sixteenth of an inch." He agreed. I said, "You don't know the difference between 58 feet and 58 feet and one-eighth of an inch." And I kept on increasing until, "You don't know the difference between 58 feet and 59 feet." And Dallas agreed. And I said, "Now you've been thinking all this time that you can put only 58 feet. Now you know you can put 58 feet and one-sixteenth, one-eighth, one-quarter, one-half, three-quarters, 59 feet."
And Dallas said, "That's right."
Two weeks later he set a National High School record. And I just freed him from that 58-foot uh, superstition. And that summer he came and said, "I'm on the American Olympic Team for shot put. What should I do?"
I said, "Dallas, I know you can win the gold medal. I know you can win the silver medal -and the shot put in the Olympics is just a superstition. And Dallas you're only an 18year-old kid. If you win the gold medal you'll be competing against yourself forevermore. Now it's all right if you let Parry and O'Brien take gold and silver medals. And you can bring home the bronze medal. That'll be just a goal to work for." And Dallas brought home the bronze medal. Parry and O'Brien did bring home the gold and silver medals.
And at the Olympics in Mexico City Dallas came in and said, "What shall I do in Mexico City?"
I said, "Dallas, for years and years the shot put for the Olympics, the winning shot put, has been under 62 feet. That's just a superstition. I know it can be 62 feet and oneDisc 2 i Patte 62
sixteenth of an inch. I know it can be under 63 feet and it'll be all right if you bring home the gold medal." He brought home the gold medal.
And when the Olympics were held in Tokyo Dallas came in and said, "What shall I do this time?"
I said, "Dallas, you already have the gold medal. It will be no trouble at all for you to bring home a second gold medal. And Olympic champions don't last long and you can be a three-times winner. You'll bring home the gold medal from Tokyo." So he did.
And then he told me he was going into college and that he was eligible for two more meets in the shot put-two official intercollegiate meets. He said, "What shall I do?"
I said, "Dallas, as you proved, to go under 62 feet or less has been a superstition for years and years. Now I don't know if that 63 feet is the limit or 70 feet is the limit. Now why don't you put a shot somewhere in between?" He came home with 65 feet and six inches. The next official meeting he was allowed to attend he asked what to do and I said, "Dallas, you showed them that 65 feet and six inches can be easily reached. Now this time see just how far you CAN put it." And Dallas put it 68 feet and ten inches.
And exceptionally advanced marksmanship in the rifle team in the Army which I had coached for the International Shoot and they had beaten Russia for the first time. I was talking with the coach at AM- Texas A&M and the captain of the rifle team told the coach at T-at Texas A&M how I coached Dallas Long. And the coach said, "So that's the way Dallas Long established the all-time record."
Well I'm coaching Randy Matson. I explained to Randy that the limit is not 68 feet and ten inches. It might even be 68 feet and 11 inches. Randy listened and said, "I think Erickson had a good way of coaching Dallas Long. Now I'm going to see how far I can put it." And he put it 70 feet. Now the record is up to, I think, 70 feet and six inches.
So many people say, "I can't, I can't." You break it down. And they have to admit that they couldn't measure one-sixteenth of an inch. And when you double that they still can't measure it.
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STORY2 Handle Your Body and Forget the Last Shot: Olympic Rifle Team Milton En.ckson: I trained the rifle team. The coach told me to use hypnosis. I fired a rifle twice in my childhood. That's all I knew about rifles. And the rifle team knew all about rifles. I didn't have to bother to teach them how to handle a rifle. They knew how. I didn't know that they didn't know how to handle their bodies.
So I used hypnosis to teach them how to have their feet rest-the soles of their feet rest comfortably on the ground. They have their ankles come together just exactly right. Their calves and their legs feel fine, their knees feel fine, the hips feel fine, upper part of the body fine, left hand over the stock feel fine. The stock rests against the elbowagainst the shoulder, feeling just right pressure. And lean your head against the stock. It feels so nice on your cheek. And feel the trigger with your trigger finger very, very gently. And it's something you like. And then you look at the hull's eye and at the right moment you squeeze the trigger. And one other thing I had to teach them.
And after they pull the trigger the first time you see-in the rifle marksmanship contest you shoot 40 rounds and you fire 40 pin bullets in succession at the target. Now you make a hull's eye the first time easily. When you have the second, you're not much worried about the second. You get up to 19, the question is, can you make it a 20th time? And 29, will you make it the 30th time? You make 35, will you get 36? The tension keeps mounting. You made it 39 times, will you make it the 40th time? The tension grows and grows. I taught them to forget they'd fired and to think each shot they fired was the first one. And they had to be told, "You've shot 40 times!"
I won golf tournaments that way by teaching the golfer to think he's still on the first hole. He had to be told, he's now on the 18th and he's won. I've trained a lot of athOlympic athletes. I've got a lot of Olympic gold medals-only they're in the care of others.
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STORY3 "I'll Go in Swimming Tomorrow": Max and Wanda Milton Erickson: You all know a few who stick their big toe into the swimming pool. It may take them half an hour to get immersed all the way. I'll tell you the story of Max
and Wanda.
The first time at Worcester State Hospital staff, Max-I met Max and Wanda, a young couple, and junior psychiatrist. They were very much in love and they were really friendly. They invited me to go for a swim in Lake Quinsigamond, which adjoins the hospital farm. I accepted the invitation. I got my bath-bathing suit, my bathrobe, and joined them in their car. And to my surprise, Wanda, who was so sulky all the way to the lake, had nothing to say. And Wanda was a very sociable girl and Max was his own cheerful self. When we reached the beach Wanda leapt out of the car, took off her bathrobe, threw it in the backseat, and strolled down to the lake, and plunged into the water. Not a word to the two of us. Very bad manners.
Max and I walked down to the beach chatting, and when Max's big toe touched the wet sand he said, "I think I'll go in swimming tomorrow." Then I understood Wanda's behavior. He drew his big toe off the wet sand, sat down on the dry sand, while I plunged into the waves and Wanda and I had a good swim.
Shortly, on the way back to the hospital, I asked Wanda, "How much water does Max put into the bathtub?"
And she said, "One lousy inch."
In a short time, just less than a week later, the superintendent offered Max a promotion to Senior Psychiatrist. And Max said that he didn't think he was ready yet. The superintendent said, "If you weren't ready for it I wouldn't have offered it to you. You're going to take the promotion or you're out of a job." Max resigned. Went elsewhere. I lost all track of them.
And some 25 years later, I lectured at the Pennsylvania Academy of General Practice. At the end of my lecture, an old, gray-haired man and an old, gray-haired haggardDisc 2!
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looking woman approached me and said, "Do you know us?"
I said, "Your question implies I should, but I really don't."
And he said, "I'm Max."
She said, "I'm Wanda."
I turned to Max and said, "I remember the two of you now. When are you going swimming, Max?"
He blushed and said, "Tomorrow."
Then I turned to Wanda and said, "How much water does Max put in the bathtub?"
She said, "The same lousy, stinking one inch."
And Wanda had been in love with her husband. She wanted children. And she wanted Max. And she waited, and waited, and waited until he was ready. She should have known by his one inch of water in the bathtub, he'd never be ready. She should have known by the fact that, "I'm going swimming tomorrow."
And I asked Max, "What are you doing now?"
He said, "I'm retired."
I said, "What rank?"
He said, "Junior Psychiatrist."
I actually asked those questions to indicate I knew back in 1930 what the answer would be in 25-years' time. Either you go in swimming, or you don't. Either you accept a promotion, or you don't. Either you become a father, or you don't. And there was poor Disc 2 i Page 66
Wanda, living in hope until hope became impossible. Where else could she go? I've seen that sort of thing happen over and over again.
A bright young high school graduate, full of promise, had taken a job and going to college next year. They're going to college next year. Going to college next year. And 25, 30 years later, they're still working in the barbershop.
And in all the years I've been in medicine, the only people I've seen who've starved to death had a money belt with a hundred thousand dollars in cash around their abdomens.
1Vlilton Er£ckson: You read those stories all the time in the newspapers, the Collyer brothers of New York.
Student: Do you think you could have helped Max way back then?
1Vlilton Erickson: Hmh?
Student: Do you think you could have helped Max 25 years before?
1Vlilton Erickson: I didn't have the right to pick him up and throw him in the water.
Student: Because he didn't ask for your help.
lvlilton Erickson: And I didn't have the right.
Student: That's-that's why you didn't have the right.
lvlilton Erickson: That's right.
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In grade school, Jimmy, every summer, sat on the riverbank and said, "As sure as God made little green apples, I am going swimming tonight." I went through grade school, high school, and Jimmy every summer, sat on the riverbank. "As sure as God made little green apples, I am going swimming tonight." He had to wade out about 20 feet before the water got higher than this. Jimmy fought through World War I, came back, "Sure as God made little green apples, I'm going swimming tonight." Jimmy is dead. Of old age. He's going swimming tomorrow night. He never did go. He wasted all that time.
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STORY4 Replace Bad Habits: Get Patients to DO Something Good Milton Erickson: A woman came to me in 1962. She wanted help in quitting smoking. Asked her two questions and I knew she didn't want help in quitting smoking. But she was so shy that I thought I'd better be very slow and cautious. I hypnotized her. Gave her a second appointment. She never showed up. Ten years later she came in to see me and reminded me that she'd seen me in 1962. It was now 1972.
She said, "I came to you, asking to quit smoking. You put me in a trance to help me. I knew you could help me and I knew you wouldn't ask-that I would ask you to help me. I wasn't ready for help. You see my husband had deserted me. I had two small girls. I've got less than a grade school education. I'm Mexican. And I have two little girls to support, no training. And I'd resorted to prostitution. That's the way I supported the two girls. And I knew if I came back to you I'd tell you about that. And I wasn't ready to tell anybody I was a professional prostitute. And now I'm happily married to another man. He's in love with me and I'm in love with him. And my daughters are growing up. And I need help, as I do the wrong thing all the time. I keep starting crocheting afghans. Get one or two squares crocheted, and I change my mind. I start making another afghan, change my mind, start making another. I've got remnants of a couple dozen afghans, incomplete. And I met my husband eight years ago. He doesn't know anything about my past. My daughters have now grown up into their teens. And, each year, half a dozen times a year I've bought the cloth and patterns, and cut out their dresses. And maybe I've sewn a couple parts together. I've got them all in a big box. And they're locked up. Dozens and dozens of dresses I've made for my children, now in their teens. Those girls will soon be on their own and I think I've set a very bad example. Always starting things but never finishing them. Can you help me?"
I said, "Yes. Go home, look over your afghan patterns. And bring me a square of the pattern you like best. Or if you have three squares, or four squares, bring them all and show it to me."
You brought in one square, she said, "I would really like this afghan completed."
I said, "Your next appointment is one week from now. By that time you will have completed so many squares." The next appointment she had done that number. I said, "Now a week from now you will report again. It will take two more appointments for Disc 2
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you to finish that afghan." She finished it in a beautiful pattern, wanted to give it to me.
I said, "No, you're going to keep it and use it. Now the next thing, you unlock that box where you have all those incomplete dresses for your daughters. And you give them to the Goodwill. And you buy some new dry goods and some patterns. I want you to make a dress for each of your daughters. And I want you to have them help you. And then you teach them out of dust rags and brown paper, how to use a sewing machine. And you have them buy some dry goods and a pattern. And you have them, without your help, cut out the patterns and sew their dresses together and wear them.
And I feel that in therapy you got rid of all the horrible, incomplete memories. Got rid of the afghans; she had a nice one. Her daughters had new dresses and they were making new ones. So at the end of the therapy when you get a patient to abandon something you have in a-a void, you should fill it in with something constructive. Don't take away a bad habit. Take it away, but replace it with something good. And always get your patients to do things.
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STORY5 Harness the Energy: Temper-Tantrum Girl Milton Erickson: I don't know if I showed you this small box. Did I? One of my students was doing family therapy. Told me how she's worked for six months on a mother and father and their retarded daughter. She got good results with the father and mother. As for the retarded daughter-all the daughter had done for 20 years was throw temper tantrums. And during those six months of therapy she had taught the parents to endure the temper tantrums. Now the girl was still showing one temper tantrum after another.
I told her, "You're wasting your time with the parents. Now do something with the girl. Teach that girl to do something, anything, and have her do it-have her do it well enough to take pride in it." And, the student followed my advice. I don't know what she told that girl about me. But this is what the girl made. Examine it thoroughly.
Isn't that a work of art?
Student: Yes.
Student: It's beautiful.
Milton Erickson: And now that girl knows she can do things. And she knows she can do things that a lot of other people can't do.
Student: It's really detailed too.
Milton Erickson: And so I was delighted to receive that present. And now that tempertantrum girl, she's happy, she's busy, she does things. A lot of energy goes into terrortantrums. You better harness it. Now I don't think there is anybody here who could do that kind of good work. Think of the infinite patience it took.
Student: A lot of self-control.
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Milton Erickson: Huh?
Student: A lot of self-control.
Milton Erickson: Self-control.
Other Student: Yeah it's really fine work.
Milton Erickson: And, fine work.
Student: The lady, umm, with the afghan? You didn't put her into a trance, that time, you just talked to her?
Milton Erickson: Had been in a trance once for me.
Student: What's that?
Milton Erickson: Once she's been in a trance for me ONCE, I can meet her 20 years from now and she'll go into trance. Didn't you see [redacted] go into trance a few minutes ago?
Student: I made a choice to do it. I wanted to because I wanted to work on-because that's a problem for me too-not finishing things and procrastinating.
Milton Erickson: And you went into trance because you knew it's a useful thing to do.
Student: Yes.
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STORY6 Go into a Trance When We Meet Again: Harriet Milton Erickson: I had done experiments, had a good subject in Massachusetts. She finished her internship. She was a psychologist, a PhD, and she went to live elsewhere, first in New York, then Illinois. And when she left Massachusetts I said, "Sometime in the future, I don't know when, we may meet again. And when we do, as soon as you recognize me I'd like to have you go into a trance."
And I wonder how long a trance suggestion will last. Because I am interested to-it's an interest in experimental psychology. And years went by, I moved from Massachusetts to Michigan. And finally, I think about 15 years later, I went to the American Psychological meeting in Evanston, Illinois. With me was Gregory Bateson, the anthropologist. And at noontime, Gregory with his Australian language, was just pacing around for something to eat. Now I accompanied him to the cafeteria.
We loaded our trays and then Gregory said, "I'll take your tray and carry it for you. You wait here, this place is crowded. I'll wander around and find a table for us. Now I'll put your tray down and I'll signal to you." And finally from way across the room he signaled from a booth. So I went over. And Gregory said, "I asked this young lady here if it would be all right if I joined her in the booth. She said it'd be all right. So before we eat, let's introduce ourselves."
And he looked horrified. The girl was sound asleep.
He said, "What's happened to her? Is she an epileptic? Something wrong?"
And I said, "Harriet, I want to introduce Dr. Bateson, a friend of mine. I'm awfully glad to see you after all these years."
She said, "I'm glad to meet you again. It's really been a long time."
I said, "I'm going to awaken you now. I'll introduce you to Dr. Bateson again." She awakened. I stood up and said, "Dr. Bateson, meet Harriet, an old-time friend of mine." Disc 2
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Just an accidental meeting.
Now I think that with any of you, if I met you later, it wouldn't take very long for you to go into a trance. Close your eyes. Now you ~now why you've been sitting there yesterday and today. Wake up. And all of you can make the same response. Only you don't know it, do you? Now you know it. That's right. You're already in a trance.
Disc 2; Page '4
STORY7 "IfYou've Forgotten ... That's Your Tough Luck": Medical Students Milton Erickson: And all my residents in psychiatry-some wanted to be put into hypnosis. Some didn't. And, I would lecture and the subject would fall asleep. The others that hadn't been hypnotized would stay awake and be really resentful of the others being allowed to sleep. And those who had been hypnotized and slept through my lectures remembered them better than those who'd stayed awake. And they were listening with the unconscious mind.
I used to assign books for my residents. Tell them, "Here's a book for you to review. I'll call on you for the review in three or four months' time. I'll give you ample opportunity to read the book and digest it thoroughly for a comprehensive review. And-and I'd give them all a book. And about four months later I'd call a meeting and say I've decided to collect the book reviews.
The hypnotic subjects would say, "Dr. Erickson, I forgot. Honestly, I forgot. I took the book. I've left it on my desk waiting for a time to read it. And I just simply forgot to."
And I said, "You were given orders. If you've forgotten to read the book, that's your tough luck. Today is book-review time. And I'm going to call on every one of you." I called on a lot of hypnotic residents. And they all gave a good review. And I called on the hypnotic subjects and they would protest again. They hadn't read it. And I'd say, "All right. Take some paper and summarize what you think is in Chapter Three. And summarize what you think is in Chapter Seven, and Chapter Nine."
"Then how can I guess what the author put in those chapters?"
I said, "Guess away. There's no way out. You're going to do it." And they would write desperately. And after they turned in their written work I had their books there. We'd compare what they thought should be in Chapters Three, or Seven, with what was actually in Chapter Three or Seven.
And they would say, "How did I know that?" They had read the book in a trance state. Disc 2 p,;gc '7 S
And they remembered it better, but they had no conscious knowledge. They had read the book, but the knowledge was in their heads and available at the right time.
You often hear, for example, doctors saying, "I don't know how I did that right. And I really didn't know how to do it. When I was working in surgery the idea came to me to do it this way so I did it this way and it turned out to be right."
It's something you learn unconsciously. And our unconscious learning is retained much longer. And it's not so available as our conscious thoughts. And our unconscious knowledge comes forth when it's needed.
And so, I tried to teach my subjects don't just rely on your conscious mind, your unconscious mind knows a lot more than you do. It's a lot broader and it has everything you've learned at its fingertips. And consciously you'll say, "This is a terrible problem. I wonder how you work it." Your unconscious knows how to work it and you turned it over to your unconscious. And your unconscious mind will solve it very easily.
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STORY8 The Unconscious Can Solve Tactile Feelings Correctly: Wire Puzzles Milton Erickson: I think the best experiment I know was conducted by [ ] . And she was-she collected a lot of these wire puzzles that you take apart and put back together again. And she collected a hundred or more, had them spread out on the table. And she had a two-way-a one-way mirror there. She would sit behind that one-way mirror and watch schizophrenic patients solve those puzzles one-by-one. It's centering to solve puzzles-take them apart and put them back together again. And then she asked for control subjects. And she asked various employees. And she happened to ask Paul Houston who was a psychiatrist in Iowa, the head of the department, and me. And we didn't know about that one-way mirror. She just told us to go in, take the puzzles apart, and put them back together again. All we couldn't work we should put to one side. And she watched us through the one-way mirror. And to her horror she saw Dr. Houston enter the room, look at the table, turn his back to us, reach behind and pick up the puzzle, and take it apart behind his back, and bring the pieces out, look at them, put his hands behind his back, and put it back together again. He solved every one of the puzzles that way. Then I followed him. I didn't know that Paul had been used as a subject. [ ] watched me, and I walked into the room, looked over at the table, turned my back to him, took the puzzles apart, looked at him after I had them apart, put my hands behind me, put them together again. Hand them down and took up another.
You see those wire puzzles, if you try to do it consciously, you let your vision interfere with your tactile feelings. And you try to tangle your vision with your tactile responses. And those puzzles were so hard to get apart. And when you cut out the vision entirely they're easily solved. And Paul happened to know that as well as I did. And she wanted to question us, why? We said we didn't want to tangle our eyesight with our fingers. And we knew our unconscious mind would interpret the tactile feelings correctly. And we wouldn't be trying to organize a puzzle with our-with our eyes.
And very few people try to use their unconscious mind. And you should do it. And your unconscious is so much brighter than you are.
You always call it hindsight: Two weeks too late to think of the right retort to make. You lead with your unconscious, you make that retort immediately.
Disc 2 Page T!
Student: How do you get your conscious out of the way so your unconscious can do it? I understand how you did it with the puzzles.
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STORY9 "My Unconscious Is as Smart as He Is or Smarter"
1Vfilton Erickson: I got a letter once from [redacted] an impressive psychiatrist from [redacted]. He wanted to be my patient. Years before he had been at Duke University. And I learned about him. I read the papers he'd published. And [redacted], I knew, was much more intelligent than I was. He was much more quick-witted than I was. He was much better educated than I was. He was also very proud of being Castilian Spanish. ~And he prided himself on being arrogant. And he took great pride in being insensitive to other people's feelings. He was horribly rude. And he was so quick-witted. And some of my friends at Duke University told me about him. How brilliant he was, how quickwitted, how well-educated he was, and how awfully arrogant he was.
When I got his letter I thought, "Me? Do psychotherapy on a man brighter than I am, quicker-witted than I am, better educated than I am? And he's neurotic, he's arrogant, insensitive. And I don't like to quarrel with patients. I'll be pretty helpless." And finally I said to myself, "I don't have to worry. My unconscious is as smart as he is or smarter. I'll let my unconscious figure out what should happen." I wrote back I'd receive him as a patient and gave him an appointment-a two-hour appointment for the first interview. He showed up at two o'clock one afternoon and we introduced ourselves to each other. I had never met him before. Shook hands. The usual social amenities. I sat down, he sat down, and I took down his name, address, telephone number, his current address, his marital state, number of children, and so on.
Then I turned to him and asked him, "What is your problem?" Disc 2 Po1gc 79
And I turned to his chair and the chair was empty. Looked at the clock. The clock said four o'clock. I looked at my desk, I found a manila folder, it had some sheets of paper in it. I knew at once what I had done. When I turned to ask him his problem I went into a deep trance. I didn't know I was going to, it just happened. And the sheets of paper in the folder told me I had taken notes. I didn't open the folder.
And he kept coming for interviews. And I kept taking notes. And after 12 or 14 hours [redacted] jumped up and said, "Dr. Erickson, you are in a trance!"
I awakened and said, "Yes [redacted], I was in a trance. I know that you're better educated than I am, and know that you are more intelligent than I am. I know that you're quicker-witted than I am. And considering all that, at first I thought it'd be impossible to accept you as a patient. Then I realized that my unconscious mind was just as smart as you are. And so when you came my unconscious mind took over."
And myself and-
"What is that picture above your desk?"
Milton Erickson: I said, "My parents."
He said, "Your father's occupation?"
I said, "He's a retired farmer."
And [redacted] said, with utmost scorn, "A peasant!"
I said, "Yes [redacted], a peasant. And for all I know the blood of my-bastards of my ancestors may run in your veins." And he knew the history of the Vikings.
Student: He what?
Milton Erickson: He knew the history of the Vikings. And they left many bastards behind them, all over Europe, everywhere. Now [redacted] knew that perhaps the blood of the bastards of my ancestors did run in his veins. He was an awfully good boy after that. Disc 2 i Pa;ze SCi
And I couldn't figure out consciously such an apt insult.
And during the last week, on Monday I said, "Now wait, [redacted]. I had lots of fun through Saturday."
And he said, "Yes."
I said, "I hate to see you go."
He said, "Our relationship has been wonderful."
And I said, "But wait. You were at Duke University. How many a prominent psychologists did you meet there?" And [redacted] was a name-dropper. He'd told me the names and addresses of all the important men he knew in the United States. And Friday I said, "By the way [redacted], how do you intend to pay me?"
He said, "I'll send you a check from South America as soon as I get home."
And I said, "No [redacted]. Tomorrow is the last day. You'll bring in cash or a cashier's check."
And he said, "So that's why you wanted all the names of all my friends in the United States."
And I said, "Yes [redacted]." I didn't tell him that I had been told before that he was analyzed in London by Ernest Jones and he promised to send Ernest Jones a check from South America. Ernest is still waiting. He left a lot of bad debts at Duke University, promising to send a check from South America. Well I wanted to collect. And I asked him for names of the important people he knew. He answered very instantly. He liked to drop names. And when I told him to bring in either cash or a cashier's check he knew right away why I got those names and addresses. I got paid. And even after that, when he got back to South America, he continued to write.
He got a divorce from his wife. He was Catho-he was Catholic and she found it unbearable for him to keep his mistress in his home. His wife had to take orders from his mistress. And so I encouraged him to divorce his wife. And her priests, who were Disc 2
81
advising her, had tQ explain that it was wrong to live in sin with a man and his mistress. It was wrong to let his mistress rear her children, discipline her children, deprive her of all of her rights. And so the Catholic Church approved of the divorce for his wife and disapproved it for her husband. And later he went to Mexico. He pestered her to do psychiatry there.
Now [redacted] was the most selfish, utterly brilliant, quick-witted, one of the brightest and quickest-witted I ever met. And so absolutely unkind. I couldn't have handled him in a waking state. I know my unconscious was a lot smarter.
Student: I have a question to ask you. Umm, it's about when we talk about the unconscious being the-the smarter part, the part that really knows what's going on, so, do I assume from that that when people are-have gotten themselves in messed up situations, that it's all their conscious mind that's been-that's the a-the demon?
Milton Erickson: Now our unconscious mind often gives the-the right idea and they take charge of it consciously and messes it up.
Student: But at the core you think the unconscious is really-
Milton Erickson: Could have handled it. Now, people who fail to observe things, note things-
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STORY10 "She Got Her Revenge in a Childish Way": The Bedwetter Milton Erickson: A mother brought her daughter to me, nine-years old. She told me her daughter had wet the bed every night for nine years. The mother had punished the girl every way she could think of. And her final punishment had been to draw with crayon, a circle around the wet spot on the sheet. She pointed out to the girl how much she wet the bed each night by filling that circle. So, I sent the mother out and I had a talk with the girl. And we talked about her wetting the bed, her mother's punishment, and drawing that crayon circle on the sheet before she went to bed, and predicting the girl would wet the bed that much, the girl always wetting it that much.
Now I told the girl, "Now listen. You've been too obedient to your mother. I'll tell your mother, 'Let me handle you.' And tell her that you're my patient. And if she hasn't got anything more to say about your bedwetting, and she should let you wet the bed any way you wish. And I just want you to obey me. And your mother's going to mark a circle on your sheet tonight. And always-if you always wet the bed enough to reach the circle, as your mother said you would." I said, "Tonight wet the bed at least two inches beyond the circle. And prove to your mother she's wrong." And so the little girl and I played a game of circles. And I told her mom to draw a circle every night when she goes to bed. Her mother didn't know why I insisted on that. She is obedient.
And I'd tell her, "Draw a small circle, large circle, great big circle, very small circle." And I'd tell the girl, "If it's a very small circle, wet the bed a lot. And if it's a very big circle, wet the bed just a little bit." So I had the girl outguessing her mother all the time.
And I told her mother, "We'll just outsmart the girl. Draw a whole series of circles. And it won't matter how much or how little she wets the bed. It'll be within one of those concentric circles."
Of course I told that little girl, "Don't wet the bed tonight at all." So she didn't. And the mother was wrong again. It was just a nice little game the girl and I played, proving the mother was wrong.
Disc 2 Pac:e 83
And finally the girl said, "It's really not fun to wet the bed like that."
And I said, "You're right. I knew you'd find that out after a while. So, let's let your mother worry. Because you can tell her you're not sure that you'll have a dry bed tonight. You go ahead and have it-let her worry. She's punished you plenty; now you can let her worry. Until finally she wakes up to the fact that you're all through wetting the bed."
And the little girl got her revenge. She got her revenge in a childish way. Why ask a child to behave like a grownup person?
Disc 2 :! Page 84
STORY11 "Maybe You Could Save Her Life?": Suzie Milton Erickson: Now here is a case history I want to tell you about. I got a phone call from Toronto. A woman called me and said, "I'm an MD. My husband is an MD. We have five children-a middle one, a girl, 14 years old, is in the hospital with anorexia nervosa. And she hasn't got much longer to live. And we both read Uncommon Therapy. Do you think maybe you could save her life?"
I said, "Give me a couple days to think it over, then call me back and see if I'll take the case." And see, in a hospital setting, I had seen at least 50 anorexia nervosa cases. They were all properly treated in a hospital with proper medication. All proper, dignified, medical procedures. And they all died. And I had often wanted to treat one my own way. And I was not considered appropriate, proper, dignified, medically approved. I had two days to think it over. Told them, "Well bring your daughter to see me."
The mother and Suzie arrived. Could be 14 years old, weighing 61 pounds, of normal height-just 61 pounds-she'd lost six pounds in the last month in the hospital. And got proper medical care. Well her mother brought Suzie in.
"Hi Suzie." And I remembered her whole history. Mother answered. I asked Suzie what school she went to. Mother answered. I asked her who her classmates were. Her mother answered. In fact, every question I put to Suzie, for two days, mother answered.
And on the third day the mother came in and said, "I've got to tell you this Dr. Erickson, but since we left Canada Suzie has whimpered all night long, and kept me awake."
And Suzie said, "I didn't know I was keeping you awake. I'm very sorry."
I don't know what you know about anorexia nervosa cases, but they all have a peculiar emotional relationship with their parents. I don't know how to describe it. They have a peculiar emotional relationship to their siblings. I don't know how to describe it. And they all have a religious identification. They identify with God, with Jesus, with Mary, or some saint, or with religion in general. They are meek and docile, submissive, obedient. Disc 2 P;;ge :)_::;
They never do anything wrong. If by accident they do, they apologize. They're perfectly willing to be punished. And they think that an oyster cracker and a glass of ginger ale is overeating.
Student: They think what?
Milton Erickson: That one oyster cracker and a glass of ginger ale each day is overeating. And they all have that religious identification of some sort. And they will not commit a sin. They won't wrong anybody. But they won't eat either. And they think they are perfectly healthy. I saw a discussion- urn, a clinical director of a hospital ordered the nurse to undress completely a 14-year-old girl who weighed 59 pounds. The girl was a little bit above average height. And in the nude, in 59 pounds, she was a most unlovely sight-skin and bones. Uncon-at first I ordered the staff to make uncomplimentary remarks about her appearance. And the girl stood there with perfect poise, didn't blush, wasn't the least bit embarrassed. She acted as if she were in total darkness, a hundred miles away from any human being. They can't stand their emotional state. And yet if they happen to do something wrong like keep mother awake by whimpering, they'll apologize. Say they're sorry.
I told Suzie, "You whimpered and kept your mother awake?"
She said, "Yes, I whimpered. I didn't know I was keeping mother awake. That was wrong for me to do it. I apologize. I won't do it again."
I said, "Even if you didn't do it purposely, the fact is you did cause your mother to lose sleep. And your mother is entitled to punish you. I'm going to tell your mother how to . h you. " purus
And Suzie said, "Thank you. I think I should be punished." And privately I told mother how to punish her. The mother doubled the punishment. She was really angry at her daughter. The first time she dared to punish the girl. And Suzie had been sick for almost a year. And her mother had felt increasing frustration and anger and uncertain about her daughter.
The punishment? I told her mother to scramble an egg and feed it to Suzie as punishment. Ask Suzie to take two scrambled eggs and eat them as punishment, not as food. Do you know I was betting her stomach would make a mistake and think it was food. I would upset the applecart that way. Disc 2 i Page 86
And, I also told the daughter, "Your mother had brought you here for me to treat because I'm a medical man. She thinks I should treat you. Now I am a medical man. I make my own diagnoses and I write my own prescriptions. And while I know that you're a trifle underweight, I don't see that you're really sick. But I think you will agree with me that I do have certain medical privileges. In the first place looking after your health. I am entitled to ask you to brush your teeth twice a day. And brush your gums twice a day. And keep your gums healthy and teeth from getting cavities." And Suzie agreed I did have that right. I explained that toothpaste is to brush your teeth and not to be swallowed. And Suzie agreed.
I said, "I'm also entitled to prescribe mouthwash for you. Because toothpaste sticks to your teeth and gums and your oral mucous membranes. You should spit it out and not swallow it. And you ought to use a mouth rinse and rinse out your mouth. And the mouth rinse is to be spit out. And the toothpaste is not to be swallowed." And Suzie agreed. So I exacted an absolute promise from her. "You brush your teeth twice a day and rinse out your mouth with mouthwash twice a day." And I told her, "Any fluoride toothpaste will be all right. And your mouthwash is raw cod liver oil."
Student: Yuck.
lvlilton Erickson: Just one yuck? Anybody who has ever tasted raw cod liver oil would rinse out their mouth with street dust. And her mother looked horrified. And Suzie who knew what raw cod liver oil was, her face was very explicit with consternation. And she had solemnly promised, and she had a religious identification, that was a promise she had to keep. In the first two weeks Suzie gained three pounds, lost one, and gained it back. Well my mouthwash did help.
Student: She still never ate anything else?
Milton Erickson: Oh I didn't talk about that. I didn't talk at all about her eating.
Student: In my eyes she did eat because the taste of the cod liver oil was so horrible.
Disc 2
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Milton En"ckson: Yes, I knew how horrible it was. I had used it before. And anybody who gets that taste in their mouth will eat just anything. Oh, I didn't have to tell Suzie to eat.
And then, in therapy with Suzie I told her interesting stories, boring stories, anecdotes, metaphors. Any useless bit of story I could think of. For example, I told Suzie, with great bitterness, how my mother had been born in a super-deluxe log cabin. And what is a super-deluxe log cabin? It has logs on four sides and a wooden floor. That makes it super-deluxe. And I told her the log cabin I was born in had three-only three sides of logs, the fourth side was a mountain. And it had a dirt floor. And I explained to her how I had been born in a mor-in a mining camp in the Sierra Nevada mountains. And my mother ran a boarding house for miners. And that the grocery wagon was called a freighter drawn by a 20-mule team. Came into the mining camp only twice a year. And so you had to order your next six months' supplies for the boarding house, and you didn't dare to run out. And how do you figure out how much salt, how much pepper, how much cinnamon, how many pounds of dried apple, how much corn starch, how much baking powder, will you need for the next six months, for a boarding house where the clientele changes periodically, because miners drift away and new ones come. You have an inconstant population. It's like running a restaurant. You'd never know how many customers you're going to have. And the freight wagon with the groceries came in only twice a year.
That intrigued Suzie's attention because her mother had brought up all of her children to be able to cook. And her parents had great interest in food, and good food, properly cooked food. And, of course I threw in a lot of boring things, ostensible things, frightening things. And just ran her up and down the gamut of emotions.
And then, one day I was asking Suzie a question, her mother as usual answered it. I turned to her mother and I said, "Mother, I asked that question of Suzie. And right along you've been answering all the questions I've put to Suzie. From now on will you PLEASE keep your trap shut!" And Suzie looked at her mother with wondering eyes. A stranger talking rudely to her mother? She had to alter all of her emotional attitudes to allow a stranger to be that horribly rude to her mother.
And have her mother blush and say, "Yes sir," meekly.
Student: Why didn't you say that right at first? Not "Keep your trap shut" but why didn't you tell the mother not to answer for her daughter at the beginning?
Disc 21 Pagz:' 88
lvizlton Erickson: I knew I didn't understand the emotions. And I wanted to get a good display and then take her by surprise. I didn't want to prepare her at all. I wanted to surprise her every possible way. Student: Suzie. Milton Erickson: Yes, Suzie. And Suzie was the patient; mother wasn't.
And the mother-the whole family likes to travel. And they spent one Christmas in Acapulco. The next Christmas in Mexico City. The next one in Vienna. The next Christmas in Puerto Rico. The next one in Paris. The next one in Bahamas. They liked to travel. And, after I told the mother to keep her trap shut, one morning she asked if Suzie could be-she could take Suzie up to the Grand Canyon. She said Suzie would like to see it. Suzie agreed meekly. And I knew mother wanted to see it so I agreed.
And I told mother, "Be sure to remind Suzie to take her cod liver oil with her." I myself told Suzie to take her cod liver oil with her. And I also told mother, "Never again mention cod liver oil and don't notice that it's missing." And any person who ordered cod liver oil as a mouth rinse, if they take it on a trip, they're bound to forget to bring it back. And Suzie went on a nice trip, about ten days. And she came back without her cod liver oil. And she couldn't tell her mother because her mother might go out and buy another supply. She couldn't tell me. And yet she had promised me solemnly to use it twice a day. And she had a religious identification, she had broken a solemn promise. And she felt as guilty as hell. Very miserably guilty. And guilt and religious identification don't mix very well. I was weakening her religious identification. I had altered her food reaction and altered her emotions toward her mother.
And finally one day I asked her mother to stand up, "How tall are you? How much do you weigh?" I think mother lied about her height. I think she was five feet nine but she said five feet six.
Her weight? 118 pounds. "The same as when I got married." I developed an emotional shock. A woman in her mid-forties, a mother of five children, and weighing only as much as she did when she was a bride?
"And actually, at the age of mid-forties, motherhood of five children, you ought to weigh at LEAST 130 pounds, probably 140. More likely 145. And you had the nerve to bring your daughter to me because you think she's underweight? And I know you're underweight."
"From now on, Suzie, you see to it your mother cleans up her plate. If she doesn't, tell me the very next day."
Some time later Suzie said, "I forgot to tell you yesterday, my mother saved half of her hamburger, wrapped it in a napkin, kept it for a midnight snack."
I said, "Is that so mother?" And her mother blushed and admitted her guilt. I said, "Mother, you have offended against me. I'm going to punish you. And Suzie you should have told me that yesterday, not today. And you too have offended against me. I'm going to punish both of you. Well tomorrow morning at 9 o'clock you come to the kitchen in the main house, bringing with you a loaf of bread and plenty of yellow American cheese."
They showed up in the kitchen with proper supplies. Two slices of bread were taken. They were heavily layered with cheese. Put it under the broiler, the cheese melted. Well it turned over, the other side heavily layered with cheese. And the butter melted. I made in the kitchen a bread sandwich between two thick layers of cheese. It's very nutritious. And I saw to it that they both ate every crumb of that slice of bread and all that cheese. And I think that Suzie's gastrointestinal tract thought it was food.
Student: What?
Student: Suzie's gastrointestinal tract thought it was food.
Milton En.ckson: But psychologically it was punishment. And physiologically it was food. And later I raised the question-
Student: You told her that you didn't think that she was just a little bit underweight. And yet you said before that it's-to tell the patient the truth. Now why in that case did you lie.;J
Milton Erickson: Because I wanted to free the patient. If she agrees with me and I agree with her, then we both will work toward the same goal.
Student: Like the other-the fat woman knew she was fat. She was trying to cover it up. Disc 2 i Page 90
Milton Erickson: You get the patient to go along with you. Usually you have to tell them the truth.
Student: Yes.
Milton Erickson: Sometimes you tell them the truth as they see it, so that they will go along with you. They know you respect them. You've got to have your patients respect you. That woman was too fat. She was lying to herself in not respecting herself. You call her "fat as a pig," "a bucket oflard." And she agrees with you. And she goes along with you.
The question came up, how much should they weigh before they went home because I know you and your mother are not enjoying your stay with me as a doctor. I knew they didn't enjoy-
Student: Oh, they didn't enjoy staying with you.
Niilton Erickson: As a doctor.
Student: Uh-huh.
Niilton Erickson: Now, the mother agreed to weigh 125 pounds. And Suzie offered to weigh 75 pounds. And so I agreed to the mother I'd settle for 125 pounds.
"And Suzie," I said, "If you want to weigh 75 pounds that's all right. But, you have to gain five pounds the first month you're home. Or your mother brings you back. I don't think you'd like it." Suzie politely didn't say she knew she wouldn't like it. And then the two started to reach their proper weight at 75 and 125. Mother kept in touch with father regularly by phone. And when they were the right weight the father brought the other four children down and I had a separate interview with father.
"How old are you? How tall are you? How much do you weigh? Now doctor, you're five pounds underweight for the average man of your age and height. Why?"
He said, "A preventive measure only."
I said, "Is there a history of diabetes in the family?"
He said, "No." Well then I developed an emotional shock reaction.
"You have no actual history of diabetes. Set an example with five pounds underweight, an example of being underweight for your daughter, setting her up with the wrong example, gambling with your daughter's life? Aren't you ashamed of yourself?" And I really scolded him thoroughly. And he just stood there and took it.
And I called in the two older children and I said, "When did Suzie start getting sick?"
And they said, "About a year ago."
"How did she show it?"
"Well when any of us tried to give her food or fruit or candy for a present she always said, 'I don't deserve it. Keep it for yourself.' So we did."
I read them the riot act.
"You and your parents entered into a horrible conspiracy to kill your sister. She had the constitutional right to receive the presents but she didn't and there were no consequences so far as you're concerned. But she did have the right to receive it. But you kept them for yourselves." And they felt properly rebuked.
I called Suzie in. And I said, "Suzie, how did you first show your sickness?"
She said, "Well when my parents or brothers or sisters offered me something to eat I always said, 'Keep it for yourself. I don't deserve it."' I read Suzie the riot act very angrily for deliberately robbing her parents and her siblings of their constitutional right to give her things. I know it was a specious argument.
Disc 2 i P
Student: What was that?
lviilton Erickson: A specious argument. A faulty argument. Poor Suzie couldn't match it.
"And they had the right to give them to you. What you did with them was of no concern to them. But you deprived them of giving you something." Now Suzie felt very, very guilty. And just before they left on March 13th-they had arrived on February 11th, Suzie and her mother, March 13th they left-now Suzie asked if she could have her picture taken sitting on my lap in a wheelchair.
If only I had more hands and fingers I could do things more gracefully.
')Jow here is Suzie, 75 pounds, sitting in my lap in a wheelchair.
Student: She certainly is skinny.
Student: How long was that after you started treating her?
Milton Erickson: 20 hours.
Student: 20 hours over how long of time?
Student: Three weeks.
Milton Erickson: February 11th to March 13th. And I treated Eddie for also 20 hours before I finally figured it out.
Student: Who's Eddie?
OtherStudent: Eddie is the Lebanese boy.
Student: 0 hh.
Disc2.
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Milton Erickson: And that Christmas, Suzie sent me her picture sitting beside Santa Clause in the Bahamas.
Student: Oh, wow.
Other Student: It says how much she weighs on the back.
Milton Erickson: Oh that's just a record of her personal weight.
Student: She looks like a nice, healthy young girl there doesn't she?
Milton Erickson: A slick chick.
Student: Yea, I'd say so.
Milton Erickson: When Suzie got home, she found a letter from me saying, "What you weigh is your own business. Nobody else's. Your weight lies between you and your conscience." So I used her religious identification to make her gain weight. Now recently, well Suzie and I corresponded, you can see my paper-purple thing in there.
And in every letter, in some way, Suzie has mentioned food. Her planting a big garden tomorrow. Fruits from her vine are very productive. Her tomatoes are getting ripe. That's a mention of food. Sent me some Austrian cookies for my birthday present.
And recently, she wrote me letters containing a full description of anorexia nervosa. Her four stages. The starvation stage, the obesity stage-you manage to get them to live but they then become very obese. And feeling inferior, inadequate, incompetent, undesirable, unwanted. In the-the starvation stage, you get them alive through the starvation stage, they go into obesity stage. Because they overeat and feel inadequate, unlikable, unwanted, inferior. And then they go into the third stage, where they're normal weight then obese and then normal and then obese and then normal and then obese. And the fourth stage is-and Suzie sent me this picture and her apology. She's going to send me a full-length picture. That's the fourth stage. And that is the stage at
Disc 2 i Page 94
which she gets a date. She said she hasn't got enough courage yet to get a date. I'm encouraging her to visit me. When that happens she's going to climb Squaw Peak, go to The Botanical Garden, The Heard Museum, the art gallery. And she's going to get a date.
Student: So she went through the obese stage too, is that what you're saying?
Milton Erickson: What's that?
Student: She went through an obesity stage too? That's typical of anorexics to do?
Milton Erickson: Of anorexia nervosa. I knew that the thing I had to do was save her life then my usefulness was over. And obesity can be treated by Canadian doctors. And in her up-and-down stage she still can be treated by them. And now I hope to put the finishing touch on her by getting her a date.
Student: I understand that there can also be reoccurrences at the time of the next sexual stage. Like at puberty, urn-dating-
Milton Erickson: I didn't inquire about her menstruation, but I doubt if she menstruated. Now she reached the obesity stage, and maybe not until she reaches the fluctuation stage. And after she dates I'm sure she'll menstruate. Now that's what I mean by shortterm therapy. I got my patient involved.
Student: Cod liver oils do it every time.
Disc 2 · P;lgc q_:;
STORY12 Students Ask Questions Milton Erickson: What time is it?
Student: Five until four.
Milton Erickson: How many of you believe in Aladdin's lamp?
Student: Aladdin's lamp?
Milton Erickson: There is Thomasina doubt?
Student: Thomasina doubt.
Student: That's your name!
Milton Erickson: Doubting Thomasina. Hm?
Student: I mistrust. Milton Erickson: You mistrust.
Other Student: Well what about Aladdin's lamp?
Milton Erickson: Are you interested in seeing an Aladdin's lamp?
Disc 2 i Page 96
Milton En"ckson: Do you believe in it?
Student: I do.
Milton En"ckson: And there's a genie that comes out. A real genie. She's beautiful. She's
all mine.
Student: You mean her name is Betty.
Milton Erickson: No. I just call it a beautiful one. I wasn't doubting Thomasina.
Doubting Thomasina. When you put a plug in the wall socket connection with a bulb, will the light turn on?
Student: Yes, sometimes.
Milton Erickson: And when you pull out the plug the lights go out? All right will you go
back there and plug in that cord. And we'll all note the great change in Doubting Thomasina. We'll all observe the Doubting Thomasina...
Student: We're supposed to watch you.
Milton Erickson: Changing.
Student: This one?
Other Student: That cord-that cord over there.
Milton Erickson: The lights went on, didn't they.
Disc 2 Pac-<
Other Student: The lights went on.
Milton Erickson: Just like you said. You also said they'd go out when you pull the plug out. Now pull out the plug.
Student: There's a battery in it.
Milton Erickson: No.
Student: Yes there is.
Other Student: No. Plugging it in gives it some extra energy for awhile. Then it goes out.
Milton Erickson: It has a capacitor.
Student: What?
Milton Erickson: Has a capacitor to store.
Other Student: To store the energy.
Milton Erickson: Now you're not going to be so positive in your statements anymore.
Student: Yes I will.
Milton Erickson: And now if you'll take this, and put it on my desk, and decontaminate me.
Disc 2 I Paue 98
Student: Decontaminate, are these contaminants?
Milton Erickson: They're bugs aren't they?
Student: I wanted to ask you if you knew about the Japanese national living treasures? Did you know that there was such a- a category? No? Did you think I am teasing? You knew that I am serious.
Milton Erickson: Mmhmm.
Student: I visited Japan in June and I visited some of them. They are craftsmen. And very highly skilled potters and weavers. They do absolutely magnificent work and the government gives them after very careful deliberation, over many, many months, a special title of a living national treasure, which I think we should do in the United States. So I brought Dr. Erickson a shirt in which I had had that printed. And on the back-the back is Japanese for the same thing.
Milton Erickson: My son, he teaches in high school and usually chaperones dances or any gathering. I want him to wear that T -shirt and look mysterious. And on weekends, he'll wear it up Squaw Peak. Squaw Peak.
Student: Oh, very good, that would really be appropriate.
Mrs. Betry Erickson: Milton, did you want me to bring any of your folders-
Milton Erickson: My pencil and a folder. Mrs. Betry Erickson: Okay Student: Shall I tell you about my spooky dream?
Disc 2 Page ()()
Milton Erickson: Not yet.
Student: Not yet.
Other Student: Hello?
Another Student: They went to the Heard Museum and I guessed it right.
Student: There it is.
Another Student: The next present.
Student: This is from Judy and Donna and Nancy and Gail.
Other Student: Do you know what it is?
Milton Erickson: I don't know the technical name.
Student: Pardon?
Milton Erickson: I don't know the technical name.
Student: It's corn, it's corn.
Other Student: Maize is the technical name.
Milton Erickson: What was the dream?
Student: Umm-this was just a dream about an apartment that I lived in for many years, and I had-there was a housekeeper who was a very old lady. And I got-she needed a
Disc 2 i Page 1(l(J
new cot, a new bed, so I gave her a new bed, got her a new bed, and urn-when I got home she put it into my bedroom. And so-and I didn't want her to be in my bedroom. But at the same time I didn't want to hurt her feelings. So I said to her, "I think it's, I think-what I really want you to do is to put your bed in your room." And she got very angry at me, and she said, "I'm going to put a hex on you." And she had these kind of little voodoo dolls, and she shook them. And I woke up from the dream sort of backing off from that. It was-I wasn't frightened by it but it was a kind of urn-unusual dream for me to have.
Milton Erickson: Try tonight to dream an explanation.
Student: I'm sorry we were late. We got involved in that museum with all the Indian artifacts, and then buying you a gift.
Milton Erickson: Well, I'm glad you were late.
Other Student: Can I give you one more bug?
Student: I had a question. It's left over from yesterday, that I thought about asking, and then I was embarrassed. So I didn't ask it. I mentioned it to some people last night and they gave me the courage to, to ask it. And the question has to do with umm-you know when you said that there was a woman that you had put in a trance uh, and then 20 years later you saw her and she immediately went into trance, but it's kind of like once it happens it's there forever. And would that-the question that led to, in my mind, is how similar three concepts seem to me. And those three concepts are trance, love, and transference. All of which I think would be constant 20 years later, or whenever later. It's just a certain kind of energy that happens between people, and it's not voluntary, it's unconscious, and it's there. And once it clicks, it's clicked. And so I just was wondering if you had any thoughts on that.
1\1ilton Erickson: You have an attitude hugely experimentalist. And so have I.
Student: She was an experimentalist and so was he.
l'v1ilton Erickson: We have four things in common.
Disc 2 P;
Other Student: Four things.
Student: \X'hat's the fourth?
OtherStudent: That was the thing.
Milton Erickson: The experimental mindedness.
Student.· The experimental mindedness.
Student: I also had a question from yesterday, and that involved your friends, Wanda and Max. Whom you felt you could not really work with because it would have been an intrusion in spite of the fact that he was really stuck. But you have told us of many other situations where you began to work with a person who was obviously in trouble. Why-how did you decide in that case not to try to do something?
Milton Erickson: I was a newcomer to the staff. I had just met them.
Student: I see. You had been politic.
Milton Erickson: And though I was always usually brash, I wasn't quite that brash.
Disc 2 i Page l 02
IN THE ROOM WITH
MILTON H. ERICKSON, M.D.
Disc 3 October 4th' 1979
Disc 3 p,;c:c 1U3
STORYl "You Can if You're a Gentleman": Joe and Edie Milton Erickson: Now, what is psychotherapy? And how much psychotherapy is needed? The case that comes to my mind occurred when I was ten years old. One morning, one summer morning my father sent me to a nearby village on an errand. As I approached the village some of my schoolmates saw me and rushed to meet me and tell me, "Joe is back." I didn't have the slightest idea what they meant by, "] oe is back." And they very promptly informed me with everything that their parents had told them. Joe was an only child, the son of a farmer. And at the age of 12 he was so aggressive, so combative, and so vandalistic that every country school had expelled him and just wouldn't allow him in the school. And Joe had twice-Joe had set the-soaked the cat in kerosene and dog in kerosene and set them on fire. He twice tried to burn down his father's barn and house and he had said ... He's 21, with a prison-made suit, prison-made shoes, and ten dollars. Of course, he headed for Milwaukee not far away. There very shortly he was arrested by the police for armed robbery and burglary. And he was sent to theY oung Men's Reformatory in Green Bay, Wisconsin. He served every day of that term. And Green Bay almost always gave good time and short sentences. And with Joe, he served his full time. When they released him, Joe went into this town of Green Bay, committed some felonies, was arrested and sentenced to state prison. There Joe manifested his dislike of the place. He was six feet three, a very powerful young man, and so the warden had him sent down to the dungeon, or in other word, to "the hole." The dungeon is six-is eight feet by eight feet by eight feet poured concrete which slumps toward the front of the dungeon where there is a gutter. Umm the door, a roll-down door of thick wood. And when I went into the dungeon to see what it was like it was soundproof and lightproof. And in the basement along with a few doz-ah-dozen other dungeons. And there was a small hole in the bottom of the door by which they slip a tray of food in. Sometimes a bowl of water and bread. Usually plain prison fare. And Joe stayed in "the hole" one month. Now ordinary prisoners who serve a month's time in "the hole" come out very subdued. Nobody likes to be shut up in "the hole" that has no sanitation provisions, in total darkness. And then once a week a hose is inserted and "the hole" is washed out for sanitation purposes. One long month of that. And one month is enough to tame anybody except Joe. Joe came out-I think breakfast was seasoned with yawns-and promptly manifested in displeasure by beating up on fellow convicts. So they sent him to "the hole" for another 30 days. Usually t-twice in "the hole" you would come out stir-bugs or psychotic. A psychosis that may last the rest of Disc 3 ', Page 104
your life, but usually clears up within a few months.
When Joe came out he was just as combative, aggressive, vandalistic as before. And he spent that-practically all of that first sentence locked in "the hole." And for exercise two guards as big as he, one to the right ten feet, one to the left by ten feet, would take Joe out for a walk in the prison exercise yard. The guards were doubled so that they could protect each other. And walking at night alone-alone with the two guards was his only exercise. After his first term was over Joe went into the Village ofWaupun and uh-committed a few more felonies and was promptly arrested and sent back to prison for a second term which he also served in "the hole".
At the expiration of that second term in state prison he came to the Village of Lowell where his parents used to shop. There are three merchants there. I arrived in the morning on the fourth day Joe had been back. He'd spent three pr-previous days standing at the cash register at each of the three stores, mentally totaling up the day's monetary take. And each of the stores had been burglarized and everybody knew Joe did it. There was a motorboat on the river that goes past Lowell, and that had disappeared and everybody knew Joe did it. And Joe is six feet three, very wellbuilt, a very handsome man. And the fourth morning, my classmates and I gathered around him. He's sitting on a bench under a store awning staring into space. My class-schoolmates and I formed a semi-circle around him staring bug-eyed at a real live ex-convict. And Joe was staring into space.
Two miles from the village lived a farmer, his wife and daughter. The farmer owned 200 acres of rich dairy cattle farmland, free and clear. It had plenty of buildings on it. And he used-and he had to have a hired man help him work the farm. And that particular morning, the hired man had received word of a death in the family, so he told the farmer he was quitting and he probably would not return. And so, the farmer knew he'd have to look for another hired man. He had a daughter, Edie. Edie was an eighth grade graduate. She was five feet ten, broad-shouldered, very strong. And she could do as much work as any hired man in the countryside could do. She could butcher a hog, plow a field, pitch hay, corn, grain-do any kind of work. But she was also one of the most excellent cooks in the entire neighborhood. And she was also famous as a dressmaker. She liked to make dresses for little kids and she made all of the bridal gowns and she was always sewing something. And she was extremely popular everywhere. And the community felt very disappointed and Edie was so well-educated, a charming girl, heir to a large farm, so accomplished in everything a farm wife could be accomplished in. But they all thought that Edie was too choosy. And she was raised as a hopeless old maid. Well that morning, Edie's father wanted an errand carried out and he sent Edie to the Disc 3! p,12:c 1US
village on that errand. Edie tied up her horse and buggy, came walking down the street. Joe looked at her curiously as she approached. Joe stood out and barred her way and very coolly looked Edie up and down very thoroughly. And Edie, with perfect pose-poise, stood there and looked Joe up and down very thoroughly.
And Joe said, "Can I take you to the dance next Friday?" On that-at that time in the community, the Village of Lowell gave a Friday night dance in the town hall. It was a major recreation for the community and everybody attended. And Edie replied to his question by saying simply, "You can if you are a gentleman."
All-everybody watched because that encounter between Joe and Edie became the very gossip for the community. And Friday evening Edie drove in, tied up her horse and buggy and entered the town hall. Joe was waiting for her. Much to the ire of all the young men there Joe danced every dance with Edie. And Joe was too big-hethe reputation was such that no one wanted to challenge him. And the next morning all three merchants found their stolen goods in boxes in the front door. The motorboat had been returned and Joe was seen walking down the highway in the direction ofEdie's father's farm. And we learned later that Joe applied for the job of hired man.
Edie's father who knew about Joe said, "Being a hired man is hard work. You work every day of the week from sunup to long after sundown. You will work on Sundays except Sunday morning you have time off for church. There are no holidays and you work seven days a week, sunup to sundown. And it pays $15 a month. And I'll fix up a room for you in the barn. In that area the weather in the winter gets down to 35 degrees below zero. And you can eat in the kitchen with the family."
And Joe took the job. Everybody shuddered, wondering what would happen to Edie, her father and her mother. Now within a few months every farmer wished HE had hired Joe, that Joe was the perfect hired man. He never seemed to get tired. It never seemed to be too much work. And Joe was a very enthusiastic hired man.
So a year passed and then a frightful buzz of gossip ran over the community one Saturday evening. And the buzz of gossip was Joe was taking Edie out for a buggy ride, and it's Saturday night. And that was standard procedure for courtship in that community at that time. And so the rumor went: Joe was court-and sparking Edie. And the next morning another wave of gossip: Joe was seen taking Edie to church on Sunday morning. And that really made it official because a young man sparking a girl, if he was serious, took her to church every Sunday Disc 3 Page 106
Within three months Joe and Edie were quietly married. Joe moved out of the barn into the main house. And he kept on being his father-in-law's hired man. Joe and Edie had no children. They liked children and fate denied them any. And Joe, a sound, hard-working man, thoughtful, considerate, not only did his work: the neighbor had a broken leg, Joe showed up to do as much as he could to help the neighbor and never seemed to tire. And though he didn't talk much, everybody liked him.
And when the Erickson kid decided to go to high school the entire community was distressed. And any kid that went to high school was destined to become abecome quote, "an educated fool and worthless." And the community thought that I would be a good asset to the community. And going to high school, "that's bad." However, Joe looked me out and encouraged me and others to go to high school. And when I announced my intention of going to college, the whole neighborhood was stricken because high school hadn't ruined me. And Joe, however, encouraged me to go to high-uh, college, and encouraged others. As a result of that, someone, as a joke, added his name to the school board ballot. And Joe received the largest number of votes which made him automatically the president of the school board. Every parent in the community attended that school board meeting.
And Joe got up and said, "You folks elected me president of this here school board, and I don't know nothing about school. But I know that all of you folks want your kids to grow up to be decent. And I think the best way is to send your kids to school and hire the best teachers and buy the best things the school needs. And don't yell about taxes." The result of that speech was Joe was re-elected school board repeatedly. Now in college when Joe found out I had a job as state psychologist to work my way through medical school-
And-And Joe told me, "As long as you got that job you'll be visiting Waukesha Young Men's Reformatory and Prison. And each place has an old record you ought to read." So I knew Joe was giving me his permission for me to read his old records. I read them. His record at Waukesha was very, very bad. During the years he spent there he spent most of his time in a strong room built out of planks. And Joe beat up on the other inmates. He wouldn't cooperate in learning baking as a trade, or taking advantage of any training. And he demolished several strong uh-houses. And as a young man at a reformatory, Joe had manifested his dislike of being locked up in starting riots in the mess hall, uh-throwing away food, breaking dishes, picking fights. So they finally resorted to locking him in a cell, occasionally letting him exercise in the company of a body of guards. At the state prison I learned his record there, even went down to the dungeon and I assure you, in just five minutes and that settled my desire for any experimental curiosity. It's a horrible place. Disc 3
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And Joe continued to be the father's hired hand. Joe helped to develop the farm in planting trees, rebuilding fences, hog pens, barnyards. And he was very popular in the entire community. Eventually, Edie's parents died and Joe needed a hired man.
He went to Green Bay, told the superintendent his need and got the names of exconvicts who served a term there who might possibly be reformed. So Joe began hiring them. Some lasted a day, some a week, some a month, and some for months until they got a head start in the world. And, Joe grew older and so did Edie. And they were a most respected couple. Joe died in his 70's of natural causes. Edie died a few months later. And Edie had inherited the farm. And the question of the will interested everybody. The will provided the farm could be sold in total or it could be sold as a small farm and the extra land being sold off to neighbors who wanted to buy it. And all the money would be turned over to a trust fund administered by a bank and the superintendent of the Young Men's Reformatory. And the money doled out to promising ex-convicts who seemed willing to make good in society. And they received help as long as they deserved it. And so even after death Joe helped in rehabilitating ex-convicts.
Now after 29 years of terrible anti-social behavior on Joe's part, and 23-year-old Edie said, "You can if you're a gentleman"-and that was Joe's psychotherapy. For 29 years of sociopathic behavior and Joe became a farm man, a totally different man. And when you look over society, how many a man is ruined by being rejected by a girl, was reformed by a girl saying, "Yes". And how many people have some little incident in their life that determines how they will live. Now, Joe, despite 29 years of awful behavior, just had a stranger say about five words to him and that is complete psychotherapy-unpaid for, unsolicited, and just a snappy reply to an impertinent request And yet it was psychotherapy. Now why should anybody spend years and years in psychotherapy when an eighth grade graduate can do it in five words?
Disc 3 Pilgc' 108
STORY2 "You Know Where You Can Stuff That!": Pete Milton Erickson: Now my own experience: Urn-Pete had-was 32 years old and he had spent 20 years locked up in correctional and penal institutions, 20 years out of 32 years. And when he was released from the state prison, having completed his last prison sentence, now Pete came to Phoenix proceeded to get drunk, pick up a girl, a divorcee, and they got drunk and he went home with her. She was the mother of two little girls, 10 and 11. And Pete had found somebody who would support him. And he lived with that girl for the next seven months.
Now, Pete was regarded by the halfway house as possibly containing the abilities that would enable him to become a decent citizen. The halfway house was a sevenstep foundation, sent him to me for some psychotherapy.
I had talked to Joe for an hour.
He politely said, "You know where you can stuff that!" and walked out. His girlfriend brought him back, told us-uh-Pete listened politely for another hour and then said, "You know where you can stuff that!" Walked out. For seven months Pete was supported by that girl, had a steady job. Every evening he works for the taverns for drinks as a bouncer. As soon as Pete got drunk he started fighting. He
usually did so much damage in his fighting that tavern after tavern discharged him. At the end of the seven months, his girlfriend got tired of his morning hangovers, his oh-crossness, his condemnation of the two little girls, and his irritation towards his girlfriend because he had a hangover. And she lost her temper and kicked Pete out. Now Pete went around to all the taverns and begged them to hire him.
They told him, "Pete you do too much damage when you get drunk. We don't want you." -
He went back to the girlfriend's home and begged her for a second chance. And she said, "No!" emphatically. Now, after Pete had said that he didn't want anymore psychotherapy from me, his girlfriend came to see me. She thought, maybe I can help her. And during the discussion, she expressed irritation with her children, 11 and-10 and 11-year-old girls. And she expressed an impatient hope that the two brats would grow up faster and get out on the street and earn their own living.
When I asked her if she really meant she wanted her daughters to grow up being prostitutes walking the streets, and she said, "If it's good enough for me, it's good enough for them." And she knew I didn't seem to approve so she walked out on me.
After Pete realized that she'd really kicked him out, he walked the six miles from her home to my office. In July the temperature's 109 degrees and he had a beautiful hangover-the sickest-looking man you could ever have met. He came in and said, "What is that stuff you had tried to tell me?" And I told him.
And at the end of the hour after he listened to me patiently, Pete said, "You know where you can stuff that!" Walked out. Uh-went back to his girlfriend's home, begged her for another chance. She said, "No!" Here-canvassed the taverns and they all said, "No!" So Pete walked back to my office. That's a total of 18 miles with a beautiful hangover and a temperature of 109 degrees.
He came in and said, "What was that you tried to tell me?"
I said, "Sorry Pete, I've stuffed it. Now the only thing I can say to you is this: I've got a big backyard. It's fenced in. And there's an old mattress there that you can sleep on. In case it rains you can pull the mattress under the eves. If it gets cold, and Disc 3! Page 110
I don't think it will, I'll furnish you a blanket. And you sit on the lawn chairs and think things over." And when we walked through the side gate, I said, "And if you want me to confiscate your boots so that you won't run away, you'll have to beg me to." And he didn't beg me to. I didn't confiscate his boots.
On that day my daughter, Kristina, came back from Ann Arbor. And she was interested in going to medical school. She brought with her a 15-year-old granddaughter of mine. And I drove into the carport and saw Pete, nude to the waist, sitting in a lawn chair, thinking, and feeling sorry for himself.
And Kristina came in the house and said, "Who's that strange man in your backyard, nude to the waist and looks so miserable and with that great big scar on his chest?"
I said, "I don't know anything about the scar, but it happens to be Pete, one of my patients. He's sitting there thinking over the question of alcoholism."
And she said, "May I talk to him?"
And I said, "Certainly. Of course."
The granddaughter, eyes bugged out at the thought of seeing a real live ex-convict, went along. The two girls went out to talk to Pete. And Pete was feeling lonesome and miserable and sorry for himself. He did want a sympathetic shoulder to lean on. And he talked. And he told the two girls his life story, much of which I don't know. And finally as evening approached my daughter asked him, "What would you like for dinner tonight, Pete?"
Pete said, "I'd like a pint but I'm sure I won't get that."
And Kristina laughed and said, "No, you won't get a pint, but, I'll get you a nice dinner." I
And I said to the two girls, "Question Pete." And Pete welcomed their company. And they learned a lot about convicts, their behavior, their life. And Pete's scar Disc 3 Page 111
across his chest, he explained, while he was committing a burglary a police officer shot him in the heart. He was rushed to the emergency ward and they did openheart surgery on him, extracted the bullet from his heart and sewed it up. And my daughter, planning to go to medical school, insisted there must be something wrong with his heartbeat, it's cardiac function. And Pete said his heart was as good as new. And Pete continued to talk to my granddaughter, my daughter, got gourmet breakfasts and dinners everyday.
On the fourth day, Pete asked my permission to go to his girlfriend's home. He explained he had an old junker of a car standing in her driveway and he was sure he could fix it up and sell it for 25 dollars. I had no right to keep Pete in my backyard. I knew he was an alcoholic and a criminal. And I couldn't keep him there legally so I gave him permission. And Pete, late that-later that evening, came home, came into my backyard, 25 dollars in his pocket. He said he'd fixed up the car and sold her. And he had the 25 dollars and he showed it to me. The next morning he asked me permission to go out and look for work. He came back with two job offers. One, wrangling horses, a job he liked, but it's not regular, has a low pay. And the other was a hard factory job, steady, well-paid. Now Pete said he'd like to have theanother night in my backyard to think things over.
The next morning he asked me if he could go to work at the factory job. He explained, the 25 dollars he had in his pocket, only paid for a cheap room. He could live on uhm, hamburgers, hotdogs, pork and beans until his first paycheck came in. To my knowledge, Pete has been sober, hard-working, for five years now.
The first Thursday he was out he called his girlfriend, said, "Put on your hat. You're going with me."
She said, "I am not! What makes you think you're going to take me somewhere?"
And Pete said, "You're going to go with me even if I have to carry you the whole way. II
And she said, "Where do you think you want to take me?"
Pete said, "We're both going to Alcoholics Anonymous. You need it as bad as I do." So they both began attending AA regularly. After two weeks, Pete joined the group. Disc 3 i Page 11 2
And his-in his maiden speech, that all members of AA have to get up and tell their life history. It's part of the ceremony of joining AA.
And Pete got up for his maiden speech and said, "Any old bum, no matter how drunk and how worthless he is, can get sober and stay sober. All he needs is his backyard launching pad."
So there, the only really therapeutic thing I said was when we went through to the side gate to the backyard, I said, "If you want me to confiscate your boots, you'll have to beg me to." Now my work in the prisons of Wisconsin had taught me all about convict honor. And I knew that when I said that to him I was placing him on convict honor not to run away.
Now, how much psychotherapy do you need to do? Now Pete for 20 years locked up, 20 years out of his 32 years of life, suddenly became a good citizen. I think he caused my daughter's curiosity, granddaughter's curiosity, helped years later?
My daughter came home from medical school and said, "Daddy, I want to examine Pete's heart." I called up Pete. He came right away and she gave him heart tests, examination, blood pressure, and so on in the most thoroughgoing fashion. Before exercise, after exercise, standing up, lying down on his back, lying down on his stomach, sitting up, before and after exercise, and she said, "You're right Pete. Your heart is sound and much better now."
Pete said, "I could've told you that to begin with. I did tell you it was all right."
She said, "You're right Pete."
In the bedroom wall there hangs a picture of "The Buffalo Dancer," an Indian picture. Pete dropped by one day to give it to me. And it's a very nice picture, it's hanging on the wall in my bedroom. Pete had talent and ability. And only an appeal to his convict honor, that's all the psychotherapy he needed. And when Pete straightened out, his girlfriend came back to me for a couple of interviews. And now, she just can't wait for her daughters to get through high school so she can send them to business school so they can get secretarial jobs.
Now they are very complete cases of psychotherapy. I didn't try psychoanalysis, gestalt, transactional analysis, existentialism, EST or anything. I just gave him permission to use my backyard as a thinking place.
Student: Sounds like your daughter and granddaughter helped a little bit too.
Milton Erickson: Oh, I enjoyed that. Every morning he came to the office, Pete had something to say to me. He told me my daughter and granddaughter didn't belong on this earth because they were so unlike any girls he had ever met in the past. And just don't belong on this planet. And of course in the backyard, I had a Bassett Hound and we'd dog-sit for my schoolteacher son with his schoolteacher wife. Sara Lee comes over every school day and we'd dog-sit her. And Pete named her Short Stuff. He admired her and Short Stuff climbed up that Palo Verde tree, all around that side trunk, Pete said to get an elevated view of life. And he really did admire that Bassett Hound. And Short Stuff was always enthusiastic about everything she does, and she does like to be petted.
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STORY3 "One Place Where She Still Had Energy": The Mrican Violet Queen Milton Erickson: Now another example of short-term therapy. It isn't so much what the therapist does, as what he gets his patient to do.
A classmate of mine saw me and said his mother and sister and her sister lived in Milwaukee. Both were independently wealthy. And his aunt had a great big home, a great big yard, 52 years old, unmarried, totally friendless. She went to church, uh, regularly. She sat by-by herself. She didn't speak to the Episcopalian minister. She didn't speak to any of the parishioners. And she went to church on every possible occas1on.
She had a housekeeper and a maid who came in each morning to do the housework, prepare the meals, wash the dishes. And then in the evening left. The housekeeper bought supplies, paid the yardman to keep the yard looking beautiful.
And that woman lived alone at a great big house. And my classmate told me, "My aunt has been profoundly depressed for nine months. The housekeeper is worried about her, so is the maid. She and my mother won't speak to each other. She has no friends, and just goes to church. She likes me. She can't stand too frequent visits from me. Once a year is about all she can take. And I'm worried about her. Now I knew your lecture trips to Milwaukee. Will you look her up and see if you can do anything for her?"
One evening I rapped at her door, the housekeeper and maid had long departed. I identified myself and demanded that I be given a tour of the house. And she passively agreed. I went from one room to another inspecting, hoping I'd find something that I could use. And in the sunroom, I saw three African Violets in full bloom, different colors. And in a fourth pot I saw that she had planted a leaf, beAfrican Violets are propagated by planting leaves. And here's this depressed woman passively walking through the house, showing it room by room to a stranger, didn't care about it at all. I saw those three adult African Violets and the third one being sprouted. Disc 3 Page 115
And I said, "Madam, in accordance with your son's wishes I'm going to write some prescriptions for you and I want them carried out. You give these prescriptions to your housekeeper tomorrow morning. Have her carry them out. I've prescribed that the housekeeper buy her an adult African Violet of every hue that she did not own. I think at that time there were 13 different hues. And then, she is to buy 50 potting pots and a supply of soil from the nursery so she could plant some more African Violet leaves and start growing African Violets. And I also asked that the housekeeper buy 200 gift flowerpots. And my orders were: Every time a baby was born to a member of the church she'd send the baby an adult African Violet. Every time a baby got christened she'd send an adult African Violet. Every time a church member got sick that member got an adult African Violet. Every time a girl announced her engagement she got an-uh, African Violet. Every couple that was married in church got an African Violet. At every church bazaar she contributed 12 to 20 African Violets to be sold. Every possible opportunity she was to give an African Violet. At one time I know she had over 200 adult African Violets. Now my wife thinks she really accomplished something. She kept a single African Violet plant alive and in full bloom for three years. And they are the tenderest, urn plants and they will die at the-the faintest excuse. The light has to be just right, the amount of water you've given them, just right. And taking care of 200 or more African Violets is a day's work. It doesn't give you a chance to shed a tear. You're busy from early morning 'til late at night.
And so, some 20 years later, she died of natural causes with an endless number of friends, The African Violet Queen of Milwaukee.
Just one visit, seeing just one place where she still had energy, and then capitalizing on that energy and spreading it over everything.
And you can't give a-a beautiful African Violet to people without arousing their good feeling toward you. She had plenty of friends of all ages. And at the church's Christmas party, there were all these African Violets. The old, the young, the sick, the well, newly-born, newly-christened, newly-married. It was a wonderful outlet for her. And she really didn't have time to feel depressed. I saw her only once.
Psychotherapy is treating a patient as an individual who is unique. There will never be a duplicate of that person. And you use the uniqueness of that person. And that person possesses a lot of unknown qualities. And I discovered she liked African Violets. I promoted a liking that she already had.
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STORY4 "Glorious Happiness Should Not Be Thrown Away": Cynthia
Milton Erickson: Now another African Violet thing, episode. Not African Violets were involved. A rancher, he was newly married, his bride developed severe arthritis, as sort of a wedding present. And he took her around to various doctors for treatment and of course, the-the future in arthritis is not good. And she had generalized arthritis. And she wanted to become pregnant. The obstetrician measured her and told her she could have a baby, but that if she got pregnant her arthritis might become worse, the baby might be born dead, might not be able to deliver it. The-one of the physicians who was treating her agreed with the obstetrician. And the woman became more and more depressed at home. And the rancher began putting knives and anything you can commit suicide out of reach. And his wife was more and more depressed. Took her to a psychiatrist who suggested electric shock, insulin shock. And he asked him about the results of the arthritis and their comments were not favorable. And it was a choice between straightening his wife's mind out and damaging her body. He didn't want either. He finally brought her to me. I listened to her mournful story.
I told her, "Well apparently, getting pregnant is the most important thing there is in your life. It may make your arthritis worse, the obstetrician is right; you may not be able to deliver the baby. In that case, a cesarean can be done. So go ahead and get pregnant." So she took my advice very gladly. Got pregnant. Her arthritis improved. She delivered a baby girl named Cynthia. And she was so very, very happy with that baby. And it was the nicest baby in the whole world. Unfortunately at the age of six Disc 3 P::gc 11 7
months Cynthia died a crib death of which there's no explanation. And she became more depressed and suicidal. Her arthritis got worse. He took her around to various psychiatrists, orthopedists, and they all counseled against any further pregnancies. Her arthritis had become so severe that finally he brought her to me.
And I told her, "Now listen woman. I think you're being very stupid." I wanted her attention. "I think you're being very stupid. For nine long months you carried Cynthia and you enjoyed every second of those nine long months. And you delivered Cynthia. And you enjoyed that fact very much. You were very proud of it. And you enjoyed Cynthia. And a living baby for six long months. And now you tell me you want to wipe out those 15 months of happiness? I think that's a stupid thing to do. Fifteen months of glorious happiness should not be thrown away. It should be treasured. And I'm going to tell you a way of treasuring it. Plant a Eucalyptus sapling. They grow very rapidly in Arizona. And you name that Eucalyptus sapling Cynthia. You look forward to the day when you can sit and crochet and knit in the presence of Cynthia, in the shade of Cynthia."
I went out a year later to see her. Cynthia was growing very rapidly. Her arthritis was greatly improved. And she took me around showing me her flowerbeds. Her flowerbeds were larger than this whole building. And her arthritis was very much improved. And she had devoted her life to growing flowers, lots of different kinds, in different season. I went home with an armful of sweet peas. And she had still had her memories. Fifteen long months of very happy memories.
So why do any more therapy with her? She had a purpose in life. She was growing more flowers than she could use. I got an armful.
HI didn't go to her house, she'd dispose of the other flowers. And she was a very generously-natured woman. I think she's blessed by a lot of people with flowers. And when you get your patient involved in doing something and they discover that you're not afraid of insulting them and telling them the simple truth-I thought it was stupid to throw away those memories of Cynthia. She should prolong them.
I think short-term therapy can be extremely useful. But you have to be-make that short-term therapy useful to the personality.
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STORY5 "Take a Vicious Pleasure" Milton Erickson: Now there's another topic that's becoming more and more recognized, and that's the matter of incest. And I had treated a patient for a condition successfully. She went on to visit her parents in California and she happened to run across a high school friend. I don't know how much she learned about the high school friend, but she told her friend about me. So enthusiastic, the friend came to me.
She took no words, "I don't suppose you want to see me, Dr. Erickson." And I said where'd she get that kind of a ridiculous idea? I DID want to see her. And she came in. She said her story was too horrible to tell me.
I told her, "You couldn't tell me anything I hadn't heard before and that I'm still surviving." And so, reluctantly she told me how her father had raped her as a sixyear-old girl and had continued to use her regularly for sexual purposes until she was 17. And during those years she felt unclean, inferior, ashamed-a horrible feeling. The shame, the inferiority of being a filthy object, an object to be scorned. She found going to school terrible. And at 17 she managed to break away from her father, got a job as a waitress, and she thought maybe if she had a high school diploma she'd feel better about herself. And she worked her way through high school. And her diploma didn't make her feel any better about herself. So she worked her way through college to get a BA degree, and she still felt soiled, inferior, shameful, undesirable. Her life was pretty miserable. And she had a strong urge to live so she worked her way through a master's degree hoping that would give her some self-respect, but it didn't. So she enrolled in a doctoral program. But in college and graduate school men had propositioned her often. And that made her feel terribly inferior.
And so while working on a doctorate, being propositioned, she simply gave up. She was an inferior creature, good only, worth only-did satisfy men's sexual desires. And so she became a prostitute. And some man came along and offered her a home to live with him. She's a very beautiful girl.
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And she explained, "You have to live. You don't want to live in terror of the police. This man offered me a home, shelter, food, clothes. So I accepted. I didn't enjoy sex, I hated it. There's nothing in the world I'm more afraid of than an erect penis. I'm afraid of it, terrified. I'm completely passive. I can't make any response at all and just feel soiled and dirty. But you've got to live. Gotta have food and clothes and shelter. And when that man dropped me, another man picked me up. I was passive, ashamed, inferior, but you got to live. When he got tired of me, another man picked me up. I-now that you know my story I know you won't want to have anything to do with me."
And I told her, "I was interested in your story when you said I had no interest in you, no use for you. And I realized how utterly stupid you are."
Student: How utterly?
Milton Erickson: "How utterly stupid you are. And you are stupid. Now you stop and think. You say you're afraid of a erect penis-and so brave and so bold, it penetrates the female body with such force. And you're passive. And you don't seem to realize that you have a vagina. And with a vagina, the biggest, boldest, bravest penis can be-be reduced to a helpless, dangling object very promptly. You go back to L.A. and find out for yourself. And take a vicious pleasure in reducing an erect penis to a helpless dangling object. And take a vicious pleasure in it."
She went back and took a vicious pleasure in reducing a penis. And she did get a vicious pleasure. She tried another man and got vicious pleasure. And a third man. And she suddenly realized sheWAS having pleasure. And she realized there was nothing inferior about her. So she re-enrolled for a doctoral degree. Is now a PhD in counseling. And she knows that her vagina can conquer any penis in the world, easily and pleasurably.
She came back to report to me and said, "I'm all through with men. I'm going to be a nice, sweet virgin until the right man comes along."
All I did was have her look at the other side of the coin. And she knew I was right. And I told her to have a vicious pleasure. And that made the pleasure sound bad. I said two words: "vicious pleasure." And so she took vicious pleasure and found pleasure was much better than viciousness. Now why don't people think about things in reality as they are? Disc 3 i Page 12(J
STORY6 "A Secure Reality": Handling an Uncontrollable Child Milton Erickson: These mothers who come in with uncontrollable children. A 200pound woman-big and brawny, truck driver's type, all muscle and bone, able to hold her own with any truck driver-can get pregnant and give birth to a six-pound baby. A uterus is the-the strongest muscle in the human body. A 200-pound woman, all muscle, can pound on that six-pound baby for 10, 20, 30 hours in giving birth. And that six-pound baby had lived through 10, 20,30 hours of poundingand it is pounding-and live.
And why does anybody, any grown woman say, "I can't handle this four-year-old child?" She ought to realize she's bigger, she's older, she's stronger, she's smarter, she's had more experience and she can throw the kid's performances on him until he begins to see the light of day. And in a collection of papers I wrote out "the identification of a secure reality," not only 250 pounds or 150 pounds. And that eight-year-old son of hers who had terrified the neighborhood-she sat on that bucking horse all day, found out riding that bucking horse is hard work. And toward the end of the day he realized that he was not the all-powerful force in the world. He had met his match.
Student: But how did you persuade her to do that?
Milton Erickson: Into-! used a 200-pound woman pounding a 6-pound baby to illustrate. And I told her if she sat on him for half an hour, allowing him to wiggle and squirm and try to get loose, she would know she was in a battle and that if she wasn't careful she'd lose the battle. But she found out that there is a secure reality and there is more power than he had.
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STORY7 "Now, So You Don't Believe In Hypnosis": Jim and Gracie Milton Erickson: Now the question comes up, how do you make patients develop rapport with you? A patient should have a favorable attitude toward the therapist. And many a patient comes to you antagonists. Now what do you do? My teaching is: whatever the patient brings in, use it. And don't be afraid to use it.
Now Jim, a very idealistic young man, his high school sweetheart, a very highly idealistic girl, and they were looking forward to getting married. And the Vietnam War came along and Jim was drafted. And he went to Vietnam, in a non-combat unit. He had his back broken, his spine severed in a truck accident and shipped back to the Veteran's Hospital. As the result of that broken back Jim suffered from convulsions of pain, about the average of five-every five minutes-violent convulsions of pain, night and day. All the nurses felt sorry for him, so did the doctors, and they told him they'd build up him physically and operate on him and relieve his pain. Now Jim endured his pain, and he ate and ate to build up his strength. And his sleep was poor. Those convulsions of pain were severe exercise and would wear him down. Finally he'd gained enough weight so that he'd withstand the operation. They operated on him, and when he recovered from anesthetic, he found the pain was the same if not worse. The operation was a failure. And you can imagine how disappointed Jim was and how disappointed his sweetheart, Gracie was. Because Gracie had insisted on marrying him as soon as he came back with her then self-sacrificing idealism. The surgeons built up Jim's courage and he underwent another operation to cure his pain. He came out of the anesthetic. He found he had as much pain as ever or perhaps more. And he'd had all this discomfort occasioned by the operation. And Jim and Gracie were pretty angry about that. The chief surgeon took them in his confidence and with his medical and surgical books; he gave them full details on the third operation, which MIGHT relieve Jim of pain. And Jim and Grace were hard to convince. The surgeon was very kind and very thoughtful and very dedicated.
And finally Jim was built up for a third operation. But either Jim or Grace heard something about hypnosis and me, and told the surgeon before the operation they are going to see me about hypnosis. And the surgeon became very concerned about them, took them in his office, and he explained, very seriously and earnestly, that Disc 3 i Page 122
hypnosis was pure humbug, witchcraft, black magic, fraudulent, useless. He told them I was a fraud, ought to be locked up in prison for robbing innocent people by fraudulent claims. Jim and Gracie, of course, high school graduates, were very impressed by the chief surgeon of the Veteran's Hospital taking that much interest in them. But nevertheless, he had separately insisted on seeing me first and despite the surgeon's warnings, and did come and see me. And Grace pushed Jim's wheelchair into my room. The looks on their faces-hostile, resentful, a little bit of hope, a lot of fear, anxiety, distrust.
They wore their very facial expressions that said, "If there's any way you can get away from these people, take anything and-to get rid-out of their reach." Now they were so desperate, so hostile, with only a little bit of hope on their face. So while Gracie stood behind Jim's chair, I listened to their story. And they told it in an antagonistic way.
"Now so you don't believe in hypnosis. You think it's humbug, black magic, witchcraft, a fraud. Gracie, stand on that rug right there[ You stand up straight Look straight ahead and don't move off that rug. Jim, here's a heavy old cane. If you-you take it. If you see me doing anything wrong, clobber me with it." Jim took ahold of that cane, looking at me. And I turned to Grace and said, "Grace, I'm going to do something to you that you won't like, Jim won't like, and I'm going to keep doing it until you go into a deep trance. I know you don't know what hypnosis is. You don't know what I mean by deep trance. Now in the back of your mind are understandings that you don't know about. And those understandings that you don't know about will be able to let you go into a deep trance." I picked up my bamboo cane and put it upon her cleavage and started separating her blouse to expose her bra. And Grace blushed. And slowly her eyes closed. She went into a deep trance, a very deep trance and I said, "Where are you Grace?"
She said, "Here." Her mind-here with me.
"Who else is here?"
"Nobody."
And so I asked her about her high school, year she graduated, the names of some of her friends in high school-a lot of meaningless questions. I lifted up her arm, one finger and left it cataleptic in midair. And this time Jim would relax his hold on the
cane. And he was just staring at Grace.
And I said to Jim, "Talk to Grace."
And Jim said, "Gracie, Gracie, Gracie!" And he began yelling at her.
And I said, "Don't you realize, Jim? She can't hear you. She's in a trance." And then I lowered Gracie's arm to her side, told Jim to lift her hand. Jim tried to and Grace would not move for him. She kept her hand where I told her it should be. And then I told him to lift one finger and put it down again, one finger. And that time Jim was a believer. I said, "Grace, open your eyes, remain asleep, and walk from that rug over there to that chair. And sit down in the chair and close your eyes and continue in the trance. Continue a minute or a minute and a half, then wake up and start wondering."
And aft-Grace said, "I don't know mes-What's happened? I was standing over there! How did I get to this chair?"
Jim said, "You walked."
She said, "I did not! I was standing on that rug. How did I get here?"
"You walked."
"I did not! I was standing on that rug! How did I get here?" And Jim realized that she had no memory, no understanding.
And I said, "Jim, I've been taking things slow and easy. You told me your story in the first 10 minutes. You had a lot of convulsive pain while you were telling the story. And you've been free of pain for 20 minutes." He looked at his watch.
He said, "I didn't know we were here THAT long." And he had a convulsion of pain. He didn't like that convulsion. He said, "No, I sure didn't." Had another.
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I said, "You don't like those convulsions. And you were free of pain for 20 minutes. Now do you want to be free of pain?"
Jim said, "Yes."
I said, "Alright, Jim, you look at Grace. Grace, you look at Jim. And Jim, while you're looking at Grace, Grace is going to go into a trance and you're going to follow her into a trance." Grace's eyes slowly closed, so did Jim's. And I explained to them that pain is a warning signal. It should be treated like an alarm clock. Hear the alarm, turn it off. Go about your day's business. You don't turn the alarm back on, nor do you let it keep ringing, turn it off." Well I talked to Jim and Grace explaining andre-explaining that concept. And they left. And I thought they really understood.
He went back to the Veteran's Hospital, went to the chief surgeon's office, opened the door, and for about an hour Jim and Grace bawled out that chief surgeon. "You said hypnosis is humbuggery, that it's a witchcraft, black magic, worthless, a fraud. And here you see me, I'm free of pain. And you can tell I've given up having convulsions of pain. And you watched me day after day, week after week, in pain and agony and you had the nerve to say that hypnosis was a fraud. Now you can see that I'm free of pain. And you called Dr. Erickson a fraud. You said he ought to be in prison. And one hour I spent with him had done me more good than all the weeks I've been here and the two operations I've had here." And Grace and Jim took out their anger very thoroughly verbally. And the next night I noticed the surgeon slipped into my class and took notes very assiduously. I saw Jim and Grace a few more times just to make certain that Grace knew how I would talk about pain. And then they went to their home.
The government had given Jim 15 acres of land, the money to build a house, and a tractor to run the farm. And Jim saying his builder helped build his home. Jim was very skillful with his hands. He made a lot of homemade jewelry he put on the market and sold. He learned to climb up on a tractor, that could be operated by hand. He plowed his land, planted his crops, harvested them.
And at first every two months he'd come up-since his experience in the army had been, for certain conditions you get booster shots-he'd come up saying, "I think it's about time for a boost-booster shot. I don't want that pain to return." So I'd put him in a trance along with Grace and then I began to stretch their visits to three Disc 3
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months, then to six months, then I began using the telephone. I gave him booster shots over the telephone. Then finally I realized that if the occasion arose they would call me.
Jim fell off the tractor and broke his hip. He called me from a hospital and said, "Know a good orthopedic surgeon? Because I've got to have my hip repaired." I told him. Jim went through that operation. Later he broke his leg in four places. Those were operated on, patched up. Jim didn't have any pain. And Jim and Grace wanted to have a baby. Grace got pregnant six times and miscarried each time in the first two months.
Her obstetrician and consults-consultants advised Grace, "We don't think you can carry a baby to term. And we would advise that you adopt one." So they wrote to me. I sponsored the adoption.
Read it.
Student: Award of Honorary Grandparents is bestowed on Dr. and Mrs. Milton Erickson by Slade Nathan, son of Jim and Gracie. In honor of Slade's Adoption Anniversary, September the 12th, '77. Sealed and Approved with a special stamp of approval.
Milton Erickson: And now, I'm sponsoring them for the adoption of a second child. And of course I had Jim plant a-a Eucalyptus tree to watch it grow and anticipate the time when Jim uh, when-Sl-Slade and he would climb that tree. And they planted some peach trees and some apricot trees too. I think that's a wonderful keepsake. I may have 25 of a fraction grandchildren, and four great grandchildren. And I've got quite a lot of honorary grandchildren.
Student: Dr. Erickson, I still-I don't understand why the pain went away.
Milton Erickson: What's that?
Student: I don't understand why the pain went away and I, urn, I don't understand what happened except that you made him attend to something interesting to him. And he forgot about the pain. And then your explanation of the alarm, I don't Disc 3 Page 126
understand and I want to understand a little better.
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STORY8 Distraction: "Why Endure Pain? Is It Really Necessary?" Milton Erickson: All right let me tell you something of your own experience. I'll tell you something of your own experience. And you can know that I'm telling you the truth. You can't get through college without having some professors who lecture to you and you're not interested in the lecture. You wish the old buz-buzzard would drop dead of heart failure. And you're sitting on a hard wooden chair, your bottom hurts, your back hurts, arms hurt, and still the old buzzard drones on and on and you couldn't care less about what he's saying. And you know, to get through college you've got to listen to the old buzzard. And you look at the clock and the hand seems to be moving too slowly. And when the lecture finally ends you get up, smooth out your bottom, straighten out your body to get rid of pain. You've had that experience, haven't you? And you felt real pain too, didn't you?
And the next day you sat in that same chair and the lecturer was thrilling to listen to. And you couldn't be more interested in what he was saying that it couldn't even be possible to be more interested. You hung on every word. And that clock seemed to be-the hand seemed to be whizzing around. At the end of the hour it seemed like only five minutes. Your bottom didn't hurt. When your attention is misdirected, or directed elsewhere, you don't feel pain.
I remember in college I sat opposite at a banquet to a very pretty girl. She was a nice, sweet, simple girl. Very pretty. And she found out ice cream was dessert. She was elated. She said, "I like ice cream. I adore it! I can eat it with a fork."
And I said to her, "Wouldn't it be a shame if when your ice cream was served, if somebody else ate it?" And I kept her attention with what I was saying and ate her ice cream and mine. I never saw a madder girl in my whole life. So I had to date her and take her out and feed her some ice cream. Good thing I wanted to date her anyway.
Student: Sneaky way to get a date!
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Milton Erickson: Yes it was easier.
Student: Just to-to look at the other side of the coin: do you believe that it's necessary to-to feel the pain of grief or loss or whatever? And let's say somebody came in and was mourning over the loss of a close loved one, and you could distract them from it by having them focus on something else. Would that be a time that you wouldn't want to redirect their attention, but you'd want them to work through the pain?
Milton Erickson: Why endure pain? Is it really necessary?
Student: That's what I'm asking. That's what we're taught.
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STORY9 The Unimportance ofPain; the Importance of Comfort: Robert Milton Erickson: When my son Robert was seven years old, he and a truck tried to use the-the street at the same time. And he-and he lost. The police picked me up to identify. And it was a boy with a spelling paper in his pocket the name Bobby on it. I looked at Robert in the Good Samaritan Hospital.
Told the police, "Yes, that's my son." And I asked the doctor, "What's in the emergency room? What's the damage?" He said, "Both thighs are broken, pelvis is fractured, the skull is fractured, and he has a concussion. We're checking him for internal injuries at the present time." I waited until he told me he had no internal injuries, just superficial scratches. Then I asked him, "What's the prognosis?" And the doctor said, "Well, IF he lives 48 hours, he :MAY have a chance to live."
I went home, called all the family together and said, "We all know Robert. We know that when Robert has to do something, he does it. He does it very well. At the present time, Robert is at the Good Samaritan Hospital. A truck ran over him, broke both of his legs, fractured his pelvis, fractured his skull, and bumped his brains so bad that he has what is called a concussion. So he doesn't know anybody. He can't think straight. And we'll have to wait 48 hours before we know if Robert will live. And we all know Robert. He does things. He does them well. You can always take pride in what Robert does. Now, if you want to shed a couple of tears it's all right. But I think it would be very disrespectful of Robert if you did a lot of crying. Out of respect for Robert I think you ought to do all your home chores. I think you oughta to eat a good supper. I think you ought to eat, uh-do all your homework. And, I want you to go to bed on time, and go to sleep on time, and sleep restfully all night. You owe Robert that respect."
And a couple of kids shed a couple of tears. And washed dishes, did all their chores, ate a good meal. And they ate well. They did their homework, went to bed on time, went to sleep on time, and at 48 hours they knew that Robert was going to live. I told them all that we ought to leave Robert alone in the hospital where he had a very hard job at a urn-that is getting well. And if we went over and visited him we'd take a lot of his energy and he needs that energy to get well. I didn't know that Disc 3 i Pa~c 130
my wife had slept over the hospital every day, walk in and sit down quietly by the bed. Sometimes Robert didn't turn over and turned his back to her. Sometimes he'd tell her to go home. Sometimes he would ask her a question or two and then tell her to go home. She did whatever he told her to. We sent Robert plenty of presents and we always had the nurse deliver them. We never gave him anything personally. I'd go over, go into the nurses' station, and look through the window of the nurses' station so I could see how Robert was getting along. Robert didn't know I was there. Now the accident happened on December 5th and Robert came home from the hospital in a body cast, uh, late in March. The stretcher man who brought him in the house almost dropped him. And Robert was very excited.
As he entered the-as he brought him in the living room Robert said, "I'm so glad I've got parents like you. Never once did you come to the hospital. And all the other poor kids, their parents came every afternoon and made them cry. And then they'd come every evening making the poor kid cry again. And on Sundays it was awful. I just hated those parents who wouldn't let their kids get well."
Did that answer your question?
During my internship, I took the temperature, breathing rate, pulse, an hour before patients received their visitors. An hour after visitors left I took their pulse, respiration, and blood pressure. Every time a patient had a visitor he had a rise in temperature, a breathing rate he exaggerated, and blood pressure increased. I made up my mind then, if I ever had children or a wife in the hospital, I wouldn't visit until I knew that it'd be safe for their blood pressure, their heart rate, their-their breathing, their temperature. And patients in the hospital need to use their strength to get well and not to make their relatives, who are well and healthy, feel better.
Student: What did you say to your son? How did he understand your not coming to the hospital? Did you say to him that he needed his strength to get better?
Milton Erickson: For seven, Robert was reasonably bright. And he could see how parental visits made all the other kids on that ward cry.
Student: Are you saying that you never saw him for three months? Four months?
Milton Erickson: I looked at him through the nurses' station. Disc 3 i Pac:c 131
Student: But he had no contact with you, no conversation with you at all?
Milton Erickson: Only when his mother came in to sit down beside him.
Student: His mother, she-she was there, but not you.
Milton Erickson: Robert would say, "Go home." And she went home.
Student: Okay, what if Robert had expressed a wish for you to be there? He said he wanted you there, would you have been there?
Milton Erickson: I would have visited him. And tell him very briefly and clearly, in small-boy language, why I didn't like to visit him.
Student: What would you've said?
Milton Erickson: I'd explain to him, "Now I've come to see you, your heart is beating faster, your blood pressure's higher, you're breathing faster, you're using up a lot of your strength to talk to me- strength you ought to put into your broken legs."
Student: What about visiting him and using some of your hypnosis on him to help him get better faster?
Milton Erickson: My kids didn't live with me all their lives without learning something.
Student: They didn't need it.
Milton Erickson: And I taught my kids the unimportance of pain, the importance of physical comfort. For example, when Roxanna scratched her knee and she was really announcing it to the whole city. Her mother came out, looked at it, so did I, and her mother said, "We might as well kiss it here and here and then right on top, so all pain will go away." Disc 3 i Page 132
Student: Yea.
Milton Erickson: It's marvelous how anesthetic. ..
Student: It's perfect.
Milton Erickson: ... a mother's kiss.
Student: A mother's kiss can cure anything.
Milton Erickson: But the Erickson household has its own laws of behavior. Betty fell down the basement steps and, while she might have been nine years old at the time, Betty Alice was in the basement and looked at her mother falling down the basement stairs. And Betty picked herself up. Betty Alice said, "Why did you do that, Momma?"
And Betty explained later, "For a moment I felt intense rage, and then I saw how humorous it was and I laughed about it." And all our kids are trained that way.
Student: What about adults in-what about adults in the hospital when it gets so boring? Do you feel the same way about adults?
Other Student: Or someone who's dying?
Student: And loneliness, how about that?
Milton Erickson: And adults? Well, a workman, a construction man, fell40 stories, wound up completely paralyzed except he had use of his arms. And that is permanent. That is for life. And he wanted to know what to do about his painful situation. And I said, "There isn't much you can really do. You can develop calluses-he knew what calluses are-on your pain nerves. That way you won't feel the pain so much. Your life will prove very boring, so have your friends bring you cartoons and comic books. And the nurse will furnish you paste and scissors and you make scrapbooks and cartoons and jokes, funny sayings. You can really amuse Disc 3 bgc 133
yourself thoroughly making those scrapbooks. Every time one of your fellow workmen lands in the hospital send him a scrapbook." So he made I don't know how many hundreds of scrapbooks.
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STORY10 The Basset Hound's Letter to the Milkman (Introduction): Roger Milton Erickson: And our milkman would deliver milk every morning. We had a Basset dog who said the milkman had no right to be there. Then, he made an awful uproar. The milkman always made sure the back gate was shut before ...
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IN THE ROOM WITH
MILTON H. ERICKSON, M.D.
Disc 4 October 4th, 1979
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STORY1 Roger's Letter to the Hospitalized Milkman Milton Erickson: Hmmm, Roger. He said he got an awful lot of prestige from his kids for that. While he was in the hospital I took a short stubby pencil and tablet paper, ruled tablet paper. And I wrote to the milkman a semi-illiterate letter and signed it "Roger".
Student: What did the letter say?
Milton Erickson: Oh, "I'm tired of hearing about your broken, B - R - 0 - K - K - A N (crossed out), your broken (again misspelled, partially erased) broken (spelled correctly), (misspelling and erasures) about your broken bones. Personally (misspelled), I like to eat bones. And as long as your bone is broken save it for me." Yeah that letter made the circulation through the ward. I thought a lot about that Roger wrote letters to the milkman the whole time the milkman was in the hospital. And he treasured those letters, so did all the patients.
They'd ask him, "Hear from Roger today?"
You see, people waste an awful lot of time. And psychotherapy ought to teach people to use their time.
And you wait a few minutes for the mailman, and a few minutes for the groceries. Wait a few minutes for a phone call. You can use that time. You could accomplish a lot. The patient a few minutes late ah-
After Roger died, Mrs. Erickson shed tears over him. A few days later she got a letter from ghost Roger in the "Great Boneyard Up Yonder." He told her a whole lot-meeting her-ghost stories of her childhood. I had a lot of fun writing that letter.
Student: You wrote it? Milton Erickson: With that stubby pencil. Disc 4 i Page 138
You all heard about that religion, [redacted]. Well Roger has written a few hundred letters to them.
Student: A few hundred?
Milton Erickson: Yeah. They wasted an awful lot of postage on Roger. He allowed as how he didn't have much money. Hard to save up on nightwatchman's duty. And [redacted] offered to invest his money for him. They offered to send him to Africa. He could turn over his 500 dollars, go to Africa and work as a missionary if he didn't clear with an auditor. And he worked hard to get his 500 dollars. And finally he got very insistent on investing his 500 dollars. And Roger had to write them a letter-and how he, he got a broke leg and was in the hospital, he was taking all 500 dollars. He only would have to go in debt, D-E- T. And he managed to save up more money on a nightwatchman duty. He already had a lot of worry about a nightwatchman job, he might lose it any time. And with [redacted], which is a fraud-played Roger for a sucker. They wanted to invest his 500 dollars. Ordering trips to Australia, Europe. And if Mrs. Erickson wanted to entertain herself she wrote the letters for Roger. I like to write letters from the Easter Bunny. I like to write Santa Claus a little poem. And I write letters well.
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STORY2 "She Would Look You Square in the Eye and Lie and Lie": Heidi-Ho
Milton Erickson: A doctor called me up and said, "Our little six-year-old girl has got very sticky fingers and she lies like a trooper. She'll look you square in the eye and lie and lie and lie. She stole her mother's jewelry, hid it in her bedroom, swore she'd never seen it before. She didn't know how it got in that hiding place in her bedroom. She went to camp and came back with property belonging to other girls with their names on it. Swore that her mother bought for a small price the other things. And what can we do to help that girl get over her lying and her stealing?
I said, "Leave it to me." I wrote the girl a letter and I was first telling her parents what to do. And I wrote her a letter. You forget the name. Her name was Heidi.
And I addressed the letter, "Dear Heidi-Ho, I am your growing-up fairy. Nobody can see their growing-up fairy. All children have a growing-up fairy all their own. And I am your six-year-old growing-up fairy. Maybe you'd like to know what I look like. Because nobody can see a growing-up fairy. I have eyes on top of my head, on the front of my head, on the side of my head, back of my head, in my head. So I can see everything my growing-up child, my growing-up six-year-old child does."
And I described now further, "I've got three left front feet. Uh, my middle left front Disc 4 I Page 140
foot has 32 toes, and I can't always remember which toe to put the pencil in. That's why my writing is so poor. I've only got one right front foot. And that makes me go twice as fast on my left side as on my right side. I only use my middle left front foot for writing. I use the others for walking. And I walk twice as fast on my right side as I do on my-on my left side as I do on my right side. That's why I have seven hind feet. You know, I walk-keep using my feet on the right side of my body so to keep my body in balance. And I've got lots of ears. And a growing-up fairy has to see everything their growing-up child does and says. We never tell what we see. We never tell what we know. We just write letters to our growing-up children so that they know that we know. And I have ears on my cheeks that swivel down so that they can turn around in all directions, and down the side of my neck, down both sides of my body, and all down my backbone clear to the end of my tail. And the tail-and my ear on the end of the tail, is a very big ear, out so that it can turn in all directions to make sure that nothing that was heard will be overlooked."
I told her where I live so that she could find me by the cactus patch near the mountain. And there's another cactus patch and a coyote used to hang out there hoping to catch me. And I had to have a cactus patch so I couldn't be caught by coyotes. And I'd hung up some dry rattlesnake skins so the rattles would scare away the coyotes. And I sent her a recipe for buttermilk and peanut butter pancakes. The letter was delivered in the middle of the night by being dropped on the floor in her bedroom when she's asleep. You know if there's a growing-up fairy looking at you and listening to you, you better watch your steps. And that cured the little girl.
STORY3 The Kindest Thing: Valentines from the Easter Bunny Milton Erickson: I write Easter Bunny letters to the children, they bring them to show and tell. It keeps up their faith. I have had grown-up patients ask me to write their children Easter Bunny letters by Santa Claus, growing-up fairies, and the kids all like them. It's good public relations too. And you can enjoy it. I see kids in the hospital receive the letters from the Easter Bunny. And I'm gonna make it a special job of getting a kid a valentine. Getting the kid a valentine.
A kid has something hopeful to look forward to. And the valentines were always signed by the Easter Bunny.
Student: You said a valentine-
Milton Erickson: Huh?
Student: You said a valentine signed by the Easter Bunny?
Milton Erickson: Yeah.
Student: What about urn, what you were addressing earlier sort of, urn if somebody's dying and they don't need their energy to, you know, give their if, is it, do they want your-want you there? Do you know what I mean?
Milton Erickson: I think the kindest thing-you cannot gather around and watch a dying person.
And do not impress upon the dying person, "These are all the people I'm going to lose." I always instructed my nurses to try to elicit from a dying patient all the happy reminiscences they could. You know I think dying, you can't be certain. Now I don't think we ought to hang around and be morbid, in tears, make life, whatever life is Disc 4 i Page 142
remaining, unpleasant, unhappy. I want people to tell me jokes. I like to be-I'd like to die with a, a smile on my face. And I'd like to die thinking about all the Easter Bunny letters I've written to various unhappy children.
Student: But, say for instance, if this is true, I guess it really interests me this whole thing with hospitals, and, urn, because I was brought up in a family that is, is, we were taught, you know, you go to the hospital if somebody is there, and if it's somebody close to you, not- you go every day. And, and if it's somebody real close to you, you don't leave the hospital. You know and it's real strong and-
Milton Erickson: It's a chore you feel it and they s-feel it.
Student: But if it isn't a chore, if it isn't a chore, well it depends, you know, like when, when my ex-husband was in the hospital I had to-I wanted to be there every day at-
Other Student: You said "had" first.
Student: But I-but I really do think I wanted to be there. I felt misplaced if I wasn't with him and that was over a long period of time, you know, when he was in the hospital. But-
Milton Erickson: I saw a lot of difficult, prolonged tears. I think the sick person will benefit more from a happy letter. Student: What's that?
Other Student: That a sick person can benefit more from a happy letter.
Student: I guess that's probably true, but I, you know, you're wandering in a hospital or something and you see these people look-
Milton Erickson: A hospital reminds you of death everywhere.
Disc 4 P;Jc:c 143
Student: Huh?
Milton Erickson: Hospitals remind you of death and pain.
Student: Hospitals will remind you of death and pain. Hmm.
Milton Erickson: Remember, I was an intern once.
Student: Sure.
Milton Erickson: A hospital staff man.
Student: Huh?
Other Student: You were what?
Milton Erickson: Hospital staff man.
Student: Uh huh.
Milton Erickson: I looked around. I frustrated a lot of relatives who paid their visits as unnecessary as special delivery letters.
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STORY4 Always Send Clippings and an Accompanying Note Milton Erickson: Now when my wife writes to various children it almost always includes a clippings. Do you remember the Russian satellite that came to earth in Northern Canada? You remember about that?
Student: Mmhmm.
Milton Erickson: And the search that was made?
Student: Mmhmm.
0 ther Student: Yep.
Milton Erickson: One of the boys that-the young man who found that Russian satellite-we sent our daughter Roxanna a clipping and it says, "See what you've done in the world."
That young man had been working out physically, and he knew he wanted to go up north and learn to endure hardship. Our daughter, Roxanna, and some friends one evening were climbing Squaw Peak starting out around 12 feet. A young man joined the group and he suggested that Roxie ride piggyback all the way up to the top of Squaw Peak.
Her reaction was, "Any young man foolish enough to ask a young college girl riding piggyback up Squaw Peak has asked for trouble and I'm willing to give it to him." And she rode up piggyback all the way to the top of Squaw Peak. Now he was actually training to endure hardship and build up his strength and it was he who discovered that fallen Russian satellite. So we sent her the story of the man who carried her piggyback up Squaw Peak. And we're always saving cartoons to send to various members of the family.
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STORY5 Logarithms in Sixth Grade: Allan and Dyslexia Student: You talked about having dyslexia and my children have dyslexia-and my children have dyslexia and you said something about having dyslexia and I was wondering if you have any more ideas.
Mzlton Erickson: Now my son Allan has dyslexia. And his teachers went wild for his spelling.
Student: Why for his spelling?
Milton Erickson: Girl. G- R- I- double L- E. A very appropriate misspelling-gothe was also a mathematician. Before the age of three he developed a magnificent project. An iron picket fence surrounded the hospital ground. And he set out to count the pickets. There were 8,000. At first he'd mark where he left off to come in for lunch by laying a stone. A patient on the grounds would pick up the stone and throw it away. He'd have to start all over again. One day he saw me writing on the blackboard with chalk. Thereafter he carried a piece of chalk and put a secret mark on a pick-on a picket. He could always start at where he left off. And when he got them all counted he got many, many mistakes, so he counted them backwards and got the same number.
And he told his older brother, "I can count to a hundred."
And his brother picked him up and sat him on his lap and condescendingly said, "Of course you can." That made him indignant.
So he said to him, "I can count to 100 by ones, by twos, by fives, by tens." And raucously he said, "I can count backwards too." His brother had enough of that.
I always brought home various types of mathematical puzzles and leave them lying on my desk. That small boy was very adventurous. He always discovered those mathematical puzzles. And he solved them. Disc 4 : Page 146
In sixth grade he came to me in distress and he said, "I've been working my arithmetic with this slide rule." He said, "It's a toy. It's something for little kids. I want to do my arithmetic the hard way."
I said, "Well I can't help you." I remembered how the engineers, students in college, cursed their slide rules because they were so hard to learn to work. Here he was calling it a "child's toy."
I sat him down at the library and said, "There's lots of books there. You can find some book on mathematics that will interest you." He thought about it.
And his teacher said, "Allan, I don't know how you work your arithmetic." He'd always get the right answer. He was using logarithms. And I don't know how to use them.
Student: In sixth grade?
Milton Erickson: In sixth grade! And he's the S.O.B., "Save Our Beech!"
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STORY6 Recipe for Longevity: Emphasize the Positive Milton Er£ckson: He always sends his mother a lot of clippings in every letter. And she sends him a lot of clippings. He's always got a pile of clippings. He addresses Robert or Roxanna or Bert.
I ought to give you Bert's recipe for longevity. It's a very simple one: Always be sure to get up in the morning. Now to be sure of getting up in the morning drink a lot of water before you go to bed.
Now writing letters is one thing, but including clippings and send those to the patients in the hospital. And not only did you wrote them a duty letter but you went far beyond duty by including a clipping or a cartoon that would appeal to them.
Student: Instead of coming on visits-
Milton Er£ckson: Well sending flowers is one thing. I sent a clipping that explains some rare, unusual plant and it can't be grown here. Arizona-many people have never seen snow. Eighty, ninety years old, they've never seen the snow. I'd send them a snapshot of you standing near a snowdrift twenty feet high-uhh-write greetings to them in the summer. Send them a snapshot. That means far more than a letter or a visit. Something they can pick up and enjoy now, tomorrow, they can send around the ward. Everybody enjoys.
And-hmm-emphasize the positive, eliminate the negative.
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STORY7 Their Neurosis Is Not an Alien Thing Milton Erickson: I remember a popular song I used with patients and it says, "Tailbone is connected to the foot bone, foot bone, heel bone, heel bone, anklebone. When I get through reciting all the connections, then they can see the connection in their neurosis and a lot of other things about them. Student: Could you repeat that?
Milton Erickson: Hmm?
Student: Could you repeat that? Milton Erickson: You want me to go through that song about tailbone is connected to the foot bone, foot bone, heel bone, heel bone, anklebone, anklebone, leg bone. You go through that and you can get them to believe that their neurosis is not an alien thing that's affecting them, that it's a part of them. And they can do things with their arms and their legs, and maybe they can do things with their neurosis. It gives them a lot of hope.
And now Mark Spitz was in the hospital, something was wrong with him. If he were a friend of mine I'd send him a copy of the song of fishes swimming. Don't you know that popular song? "Three little fishes."
Student: Yes.
Other Student: Mmhmm. Milton Erickson: And I would remind him of things his own-in his own life he experienced. Student: Mmhmm.
STORY8 Your Crying Will Save Me from Watering This Plant Student: I have a, actually it's a, a client that I've been seeing. I wonder if I could ask your advice on her?
Milton Erickson: Go ahead.
Student: Ok this is a very interesting umm, young woman, umm 32, who umm, spent most of her childhood taking care of her younger brothers and never felt that she really lived her adolescence. U mm-her mother got-her mother was left by her father when this woman, my client, was about 12 or 13. Her mother then remarried to a man who was very strict with the children.
And uhh, my client, whose name is Cathy, became the babysitter and they-the mother and stepfather would go out all the time and say, "You stay home and take care of-of your brothers." So she built up a lot of anger around that and urn, finally she-she used to fight with her mother a lot-she finally left home at the age of-right after high school. And, she married a man who she loved very much and trusted totally, gave her entire self over to him. And he was very critical and whenever he'd say, you know, "You did this wrong" she would believe it a 100%. And she gave up her power over the next five years so that whatever he said she believed. And she lost faith in herself, in her own abilities to do anything. And in that course of time she had two children who are now a girl who's 13 and starting her adolescence and a boy who is 10. And they are lovely children in many ways. Uh, they have problems but they have turned out basically okay. Umm. I am now seeing her with her own mother. And uh, what seems to be happening is that she has never-since the marriage to this man, and she-and when she gave up her power-she doesn't feel that she has the right to be angry at anyone, including her mother for all the babysitting and all that.
She feels like she's not a real mother to her children, she feels like she's still the babysitter and she doesn't really want them, uhh, but she has a very strong moral sense that, "I am the mother and that's the most important thing I have to do it. Out of guilt I have to take care of these children. I have to sacrifice myself for Disc 4 Page 15(J
them." Umm, ok so. I, I feel like there's a certain moral dilemma. She's a very s highly moral person. And she found out that her mother who brought her up to be very moral was in fact not so moral herself. And this was a horrendous thing for her to hear. She hates her mother for being such a hypocrite. Well okay, in the last session that I saw her and her mother-umm she started to talk about an incident that had happened-a sexual which-a sexual transgression of her own that she did in adolescence. And she wanted to s-she started to say it and then she wouldn't say it.
She said, "No, ifl say that I'll start crying and I'll never stop." She feels that she has committed this sin. And uh, so I was encouraging her to say it and she was almost begging me not to, not to make her say it. And uh, but I just felt like this was the crux of what was going on with her. But I didn't want to push her into anything. So umm, she started to cry. She got real upset. She said, "I have to go." She hugged me, she hugged her mother, and she left. And she's not a very physical person. She's never hugged me before in all the time I had known her. And she said, "I'll call you tomorrow and I'll make an appointment." And then I-she didn't call that day. And then I left to come down here. And I just feel that this is so, this is a very important time in the-in the therapy and, and I wanted to be real careful what I do. And so I thought I'd ask your help.
Milton Erickson: If she wanted to cry I would have seen to it that she cried.
Student: She did cry.
Milton Erickson: I've always had my office in my home until I moved here in 1970. And I thought then I was through seeing patients. When patients are on the verge of tears I'd go out in the other room, get a flowerpot with a houseplant in it and say, "If you feel like crying it will save me from watering this plant." And tears are useful.
Now, actually when a patient starts crying they build up additional shame for themselves because they are crying. Present them a flowerpot and the whole complexion of the situation can change.
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STORY9 White Tummy Stories: ''You Grow Up with Your Children" Milton Erickson: Now, with my eight children, the children fight, get resentful. You keep in touch with your children. You know about the internecine wars going on. And I told all my children White Tummy Stories. Oh, a little green frog with a green back and a white tummy. Cause he had a white tummy and a green back he's called White Tummy. And White Tummy got angry at Old Snapper, a snapping turtle. He knew the snapper wanted to eat him. He thought he'd have some fun with the snapper. And got on a lily pad, and he reached down with his front leg and showed the snapper and jerked it back, and the snapper looked all around for that magical frog leg that was out of sight. Couldn't find it anywhere. And White Tummy teased Snapper until Snapper climbed away in disgust, defeated. Student: What was that? Milton Erickson: The child will identify with White Tummy who has whipped older brother. The snapper was older and bigger than White Tummy. Now White Tummy teased Snapper until Snapper just gave up, ran away. The excited children's dream.
When my second son entered one morning and said, "Daddy, you shouldn't have whooped Bert. And you shouldn't have used a baseball bat." He and Bert had quarreled the night before. He had dreamed that night he had Bert punished with a baseball bat. And in the morning he told me, "Daddy, you shouldn't have used a baseball bat." And he took over Bert's own side. "Stick should I have used?" And, he talked it over. He finally decided a few light touches with a string would have been enough punishment. And that solved the quarrel between him and Bert.
And all these White Tummy Stories always each one demanded different kind of White Tummy Story. It kept me very busy inventing a different variety of White Tummy Stories. Mathematician wanted White Tummy Stories that constituted a mathematical problem. Betty Alice always had a White Tummy traveling. She taught school in Michigan, Arizona, Okinawa, Australia, Ethiopia. And she's been all over the Orient, all over Europe, and she planned to visit South America, Easter Islands, and so on. And her White Tummy Stories were always traveling. And Allan enjoyed to tell a special story in which a big brother frog got punished. Disc 4 1Page 152
A fantasy life is very important. She had a imaginary companion, I think she called him Igloo. She used to serve tea to Igloo and herself. Had a little table, little chairs. Igloo sat in one and they served tea, cakes, imaginary cookies and so on. One day we saw her apparently carrying something by her hand and walking very sadly to the bathroom. We waited until she returned, tears in her eyes. We asked her what the trouble was.
"I'm a big girl now. So I flushed Igloo down the toilet."
You grow up with your children.
Student: What? You grow up with your children?
Milton Erickson: And you learn those lessons and then you recognize grownup people are only small children grown taller. And you make pancakes in the shape of men and women and small children. You make them shaped like dogs and cows and cats. They taste much better that way.
And we moved to Phoenix, had an old home on Cypress Street. Had an old established neighborhood, a lot of kids. Roxie and Kristina were born there. As soon as they were old enough for kindergarten they ruined uh, the neighborhood children. And the mothers of the neighborhood children had taught their kids to sit and look at the boob tube, out of their way. So their kids sat watching boob tube. I flatly refused to get a TV. And soon my two daughters and all the kids in the neighborhood were in the backyard playing games that they invented, and ruined it for the other mothers. Well they'd all find their kids in my backyard or in my house.
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STORY10 "Teach Humor to Your Kids Right Away" Milton Erickson: And a sense of humor can be taught to children. And children will say ridiculous things, parents will correct them instead of recognizing their child has said something that can be used and developed for a child's satisfaction.
Now Betty Alice had three-year-old Roxie and 18-months old Kristina out in the front yard playing and an old maid about six-feet-tall with these corkscrew curls hanging down came mincing down the sidewalk with these tiny little steps.
And she stopped to look at the two little girls and said, "Oh you darling little cherubs, you dear sweet children. Say something to me." And Roxie is only too ready to please. She'd learned a new phrase.
So she said, "Throw you in the garbage pail." The old maid straightened up.
And then bent over to Kristina, patted her gently on the head and said, "Say something to me you sweet darling, beautiful little child."
And then Kristina said, "Don't hit me on the head, it's breakable."
And when Robert came home from the hospital a new patient came in and found him lying on the couch in a body cast and looked at him with wonderment and Robert said, "I'm fragile."
Now you teach humor to your kids right away. And it comes in very handy.
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STORY11 "That's YOUR Problem. I ONLY TEACH HERE": Betty Alice Milton Erickson: The Air Force started a new project. They're going to take all the high school dropouts on-at Kadena Air Base and have them complete their high school work. Now, people with any claims to military family children know that they have no home base. Always being dragged from one place to another. And their fathers are officers. And the military police don't want to get in bad with the officers. And so then the police know they have to turn delinquents over to the military police. So, high school dropouts at the military base are branded delinquent. And the Air Force started a campaign. They set up a school for these high school dropouts at Kadena Air Base in Okinawa. There were 23 high school dropouts, all off-the children of officers. And they all had police records, arrested for heroin, pushing, selling, rape, burglary, robbery, shoplifting and so on. Of course the civilian police arrested them and turned them over to the military police. The military police knew a hot potato when they saw one, so they dropped it. The kids got away with murder. The Air Force decided to set up the school. And they selected Betty Alice to run the school. And they turned over a building with a kitchen to her. Of course all the dropouts filled it up. The first day to see "that old lady Elliot." The first time my daughter had ever heard herself described as an "old lady".
And Betty Alice gave the opening speech in which she said, "This is-building is our school. This kitchen's our kitchen. And I ONLY TEACH HERE! And nobody interferes with my teaching. If they try I will expel them for a day, a week, or permanently. And you kids run the discipline of this school. That's YOUR problem. I only teach here." The first time in their lives those kids had ever been given any real responsibilities.
And this is one of the things that happened on opening day. The second semester at registration, in a general get-together, socializing, and two new dropouts, newly assigned officers' kids, accepted to school.
And Tom said to Stanley, "Stan, you lock me in the refrigerator and take all the shelves out. And you lock me in the refrigerator for two minutes and you open it, Disc 4
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let me out and I'll have a high on by that time. And I'll stagger around enjoying my new high. As I recover from it, lock me in again for two minutes and I'll get another high on." And all the students are watching and so was my daughter. My daughter knew she couldn't allow that to go on.
Now how do you interfere when the kids are in charge of the discipline?
All of a sudden she got a bright idea and she turned to George who's in charge of the kitchen and she said, "George you're going to let those two bums mess up your kitchen?"
And he said, "I sure ain't. Hi fellas, let's straighten out these two bums." And all the other students rushed to overtake George's kitchen. And Stan and Tom got straightened out.
The first year as school was starting up, it had been going for a week or so, word came around a general was coming to inspect the school. Now two of the boys wrote an obscenity on the blackboard in huge letters. The whole school sat back and waited to see what Betty Alice would do. And the general entered the room. Betty Alice kept his eyes fixed on her, only looking where she wanted him to look. She led him around the room twice, keeping his eyes on her or where she wanted him to look.
After the general gave a complimentary speech and departed and a student said, "What are you going to do about that?"
She said, "I only teach here. That's your problem!"
And the whole body of students said, "Dick and Joe, erase that blackboard!" She didn't have to discipline them. She only taught them! And she completed two full years. And she's remained on top. She couldn't teach all the classes, wasn't qualified. She's the head teacher. And she's got volunteers to assist her. Volunteers only taught. That's all. Had nothing to do with discipline. And every time a volunteer ran into difficulty, Betty Alice turned it over to the student body. And they all took part. That program is a very successful pilot project.
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The first year a boy with the longest arrests including rape, use of a deadly weapon, an attempt to commit murder, umm, grand theft, petty theft, shoplifting, misdemeanors of all kinds, been arrested forty, fifty times. At the end of the year he had responded so well that he had completed his high school work and decided that he'd go back to the States and enter junior college. The whole school accompanied him to the airport. At the airport he put his arms around my daughter, kissed her and cried. And the other students started hooting at him for crying and hugging. All those things called "a girl."
And he released Betty Alice and turned to them and said, "I'm bigger than any of you. And I'm stronger. And the next guy that starts hooting at me because I'm crying because I'm losing my best friend had better look out."
And he turned to hug my daughter and kissed her and they both cried together. And the rest of the students were duly respectful. Now he had been considered an absolutely total loss. But how many people always do the unexpected thing?
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STORY12 Do the Unexpected Thing: Betty Alice and Roxanna Milton Erickson: Now one of my students was less than five feet tall. She told me her experience. She had a puppy Daschund on a leash out taking it for a walk one evening. And a great big German Shepherd came down the alley, swearing at both of them and threatening them with mayhem and death. She was so frightened she gathered up her little puppy in her arms and she started chasing that German Shepherd and yelling at him.
And the German Shepherd knew that's an inhuman thing to do. "I better not tangle with anything that inhuman."
So he went home kayaying.
And my daughter Roxanna was riding on her bicycle in the desert and a wild German Shepherd came charging toward her and she leaped off her bicycle, picked up a rock, assumed a very threatening posture. The German Shepherd knew that wasn't human and thought of some business he had elsewhere.
And all my children were taught to do the unexpected thing. And you can meet any situation. And people always know what to expect. And they know what you're going to do. And they know that you're going to follow the usual constricted behavior. Now if you do the totally unexpected thing they're unprepared.
When Betty Alice got her first teaching job, in a few days she learned it was hard replacing the former teacher. A previous semester one of the delinquent 15-year-old boys at a class she was teaching, who are attending school waiting for his sixteenth birthday, had walked up to the previous semester teacher and said, "Miss Johnson, what would you do if I slammed you?"
He was six-feet-two inches tall, weighed 220 pounds. Even though he was 15 his record had shown he'd beaten up on two separate occasions a policeman. He had a long list of arrests. And he-Miss Johnson gave the wrong answer. He picked her Disc 4 Page 1 SR
up and slammed her across the room. Put her in the hospital. Of course after my daughter signed that contract, it didn't take long for her to find out that she was replacing that teacher.
Her first thought, she told me later was, "I found out the situation I was in. He was six-feet-two inches tall, weighed 220 pounds. I'm five-feet-two inches, I weighed 102 pounds. I knew it wouldn't be long before he'd approach me.
"I was writing on the blackboard one day. The room became abnormally silent. I turned and here's that great big giant with a nasty smirk on his face tiptoeing up to the front of the room. He stopped two short steps from me while I was wearing my wondering look, my big blue eyes wide open.
And said, 'Miss Erickson, what can you do if I slammed you?'
So I narrowed my eyes, took two quick steps toward him and snarled, 'So help me God I'll kill you. Now you know who I am. Sit down at that desk. Right away. Now!"'
He'd never heard a kitten snarl like a tiger before. So he sat down and she sat down. She said it was wonderful to watch the expression on his face. He suddenly realized she had faced him down. He's the biggest kid in school and he knew he'd have to defend her the rest of the year.
The thing was when he'd reached his sixteenth birthday-but he liked school and he liked Betty Alice. And he finished up the year and went on to school. He kept in correspondence with Betty Alice for several years because she, in doing the unexpected thing, won his respect.
I met a teacher in Kansas, a man, who interned to be a psychologist though he'd once been a teacher and found it boring. He decided to go into psychology. I asked him why he found teaching boring. He said, "Well, I'm under five feet. And so they assigned me to teach the delinquent population to just stay in school until they reach their 16th birthday. And those delinquent kids who were a pain in the butt, they're always trying to take advantage of me. Until I caught on. They were standing in the doorway and one of those guys leaned heavily on me and said, 'Someday a little teacher is going to find himself a grease spot on the floor.' Disc 4 Po1c:c 1_:;9
And I turned to him and said, 'And someday some great big bruiser is going to find his throat-his teeth rammed down his throat.'
He said, "I never had any trouble after that. And that led me to take up psychology. Why did that sudden reversal of roles bring me respect and nothing else brought respect? So I went into psychology."
Because people will think and feel the way you want them to IF you react in the right way. It's easy enough to go to the hospital and get a patient to cry. I think it's better to get them to laugh. And do you think it's wrong to induce a dying patient to laugh? Society does. You shouldn't do that. You should be a hypocritical, sympathetic mortician behavior-or a slumber room, a room of peace. And not go in and tell a dying patient a charming story that will elicit laughter-it's unseemly behavior. I prefer to have my patient die laughing than crying.
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STORY13 ''You're Wrong Dr. Mead": Model for George
Milton Erickson: Now, I think I'll tell you a story about another patient I had. He had some-a certain background I should tell you first. He was a classmate of mine in medical school. And George was a very shy, very timid young man, very courteous, very studious, and awfully, awfully shy. And he couldn't talk back to anybody. And so, he kept himself pretty well withdrawn.
And one day in physiology class Dr. Mead divided us into groups of four. And I was in the group with George. And Dr. Mead passed out rabbits, one to each group. He said, "You're to do these procedures." I've forgotten what they were. "And any rabbit that dies will earn a zero for the group that handled that rabbit." And our rabbit was suffering, but he died. And Dr. Mead looks at our dead rabbit and said, "Sorry boys. A zero for all of you."
I said, "You're wrong Dr. Mead. The autopsy has not been done."
He said, "I know that an autopsy should be done in an unexpected death. I'll give you boys a grade of 50." He did the autopsy, called Dr. Mead to examine the autopsy findings.
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He took one look and said, "That rabbit didn't have the right to be alive when he came in the laboratory. He died of pericarditis. Massive pericarditis. And that of course was the cause of death. You boys get an A." George never forgot that.
And some twenty years after he'd gone into practice he came to Phoenix, bought a house and lot without consulting his wife and daughter and came to me and asked me if I'd take him as a patient.
And he said, "You're the only one I would trust and that's because of the way you handled Dr. Mead. You weren't afraid to talk back to him and he gave us our rights. I would have taken a zero. But because of the way you reacted I got an A." And George prided himself on getting A's in college.
And then he told me his story.
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STORY14 A Nickel a Trampled-down Bushel: George Digs Dandelions Milton Erickson: I was still a medical student. He got secretly married to a girl who had parents like his. And neither of them dared to tell their parents that they were married. Both sets of parents lived in Milwaukee. Every weekend George had to go from Madison to Milwaukee to please his parents.
As a child, they owned a huge yard in Milwaukee. As a child it was his duty to dig up dandelions from the lawn. They paid him a nickel for every bushel basket full. And he would work very hard to finally pack down a whole bushel full of dandelions. And his mother or his father would come out and they'd trample down that bushel basket and their weight would reduce it to half full. And George would painfully get it packed down until it was full. And then his parents would come and trample it down some more. And finally when they couldn't trample it down at all, they would give George a nickel.
His father was independently wealthy, so was his mother. And George was a very good boy. He was afraid of his parents. He never offended them. He felt very guilty about getting married, not daring to tell his parents. And his wife felt very guilty because she had similar parents. They died-they both died and left the wife independently wealthy. And George's father died of cancer suddenly and left George independently wealthy. And George and his wid-and his orphaned wife had enough courage to tell George's mother that they were married. And she made them think that getting married was the most-worst thing either could have done. And she berated both of them and they both took it.
And when George finished his internship, and he would say where he ought to practice medicine. His mother had called him every week to get a report on his internship. And he hadn't discussed where he was going to practice. He was trying to figure out where. He got a phone call from the mother telling him, "I purchased a practice for you in the suburb of Milwaukee. And I've hired a nurse to run your office." And George described the nurse. She was one of these ultra-competent persons. She ran the office correctly and fully. And George had no rights at all. She gave patients appointments. George could do the medical history, the physical Disc 4
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examination, do the diagnosis, write the prescri-prescription. The nurse explained the prescription to the patient and gave the patient a second appointment if she thought it were necessary. George had nothing to say about it. All he did was the medical histories, physicals, diagnoses, write prescriptions. It's as almost as if he were working for his mother. And his mother called him up at least every day for a report on how things went that day. And at least once a week he had to write her a ten-page letter summarizing the week.
And George reacted like a s-a little frightened child. He kept four suits in his office and he would wet his pants during the day. And often he had to use all four suits and the one he was wearing to get through the day. And his wife liked to entertain. And George would come home. There'd be a house full of people. He'd walk right straight through looking neither right nor left. Go down in the basement where he grew orchids. That was his hobby. And he knew orchids by the thousand. He went to the office at seven in the morning and often stayed until 11 at night keeping up with the medical literature. He was an extremely competent general practitioner.
He said, "In Phoenix I had 'The Healer' as my family doctor." And George often went to the office early so he wouldn't awaken his wife and daughter. And he'd take breakfast on the way because he ate lunch at a restaurant.
His behavior in a restaurant was very peculiar. He couldn't stand a restaurant with female waitresses or a waitress he wanted to avoid. He had to eat in restaurants where there were only male waiters. And he'd go in and order mashed potatoes, eat them hurriedly, rush out, go to another restaurant, order a pork chop, eat it hurriedly, rush out, go to another restaurant, order a vegetable, bread and butter, and maybe a glass of milk. And if he wanted a rest-ahh dessert he'd go to another all-male-waiter restaurant to order ice cream or cake or pie. Eating took three to four restaurants for breakfast or lunch. For breakfast he'd order bacon, eat it hurriedly, go elsewhere, eat an egg hurriedly, go to another place, eat toast hurriedly, go to another place and drink a cup of coffee.
And George always did his own shopping for shirts, suits, shoes. He'd walk in a store and say, "I'll take that shirt. Send it C.O.D." Got home, try on the necktie, see what size it was. If the right size, he'd keep it, the wrong size, he'd return it and order "that one", and rush out. And shopping for a shirt often involved a dozen shirts before he got the right size. He bought his suits the same way. "I'll take that suit, send it C.O.D." At home he'd try it on. If it didn't fit, he'd return it. "I'll take Disc 4 i Page 164
that one." Now getting a suit that fit was a difficult job. Getting a pair of shoes that fit, "I'll take that pair." Try them on at home. Now his life was pretty miserable.
His mother had a cabin on the lake. She told George when he and his wife and daughter should take a vacation. And she bought a cabin next to hers. Early in the morning she'd go over to his cabin, tell his wife what to cook for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Told George what days he could go swimming, what days he could go canoeing, what days he could go sailing, what days he could go fishing. She really ran that summer cabin completely. And George was always the obedient son, and his wife was the obedient daughter.
I told George I had to get the rest of his history from his wife and daughter. And they both confirmed George's story and added-that-the daughter added that in her 21 years of life her father had never once kissed her, hugged her, or given her a birthday present or a birthday card and never had a Thanksgiving dinner. Her mother had to take her out to a restaurant for Thanksgiving dinner. Never had a Christmas tree or a Christmas present. At Christmas time George would go to Sun Valley with the family, rent one of the outlying cabins, and had the grocery send him a supply of food. Early in the morning George would go off skiing in some remote are-area. The daughter and George's wife skied where other people skied. And George would return after dark and have a meal at home. And either he'd prepare it or his wife would prepare it. The wife and daughter ate with the other guests at Sun Valley.
And George liked skiing very much. And George also played the cello. He's an-an expert player of the cello. And he always played in his own bedroom with the door locked. The wife and daughter had to listen at the door to the cello. He wouldn't play in front of them. I left out a lot of details but they are all limiting.
I told George, "Well, in the matter of wetting your pants and this dandelion business memory of yours will be cured. That's the first thing we'll do. And when you're very worried about my statement-cure." I told his wife to get a trowel for digging up dandelions, a bushel basket, a pair of all-black trousers. And make two gallons of lemonade and get a supply of salt pills. And I gave George his orders. "Tomorrow I want you to go out on the lawn, sit down on the grass, bring a trowel, and dig up dandelions. I've visited your home and lot in Phoenix and there are lots and lots of dandelions there. That place has been neglected so far as dandelions are concerned. You sit down at eight in the morning on the lawn and your wife will bring you lemonade. You'll have a supply of salt pills with you. You sit there from Disc 4 ; P;lgc 16_:;
eight in the morning until six at night and you don't get up and you drink the lemonade and when you have to urinate, urinate in your pants. The passersby are very friendly." Phoenix was a small town then. He gave a sob-and tearful George, at first he would only mumble.
A day went by, he began talking. He then realized nobody could see his black trousers were wet. And he dug dandelions all day and wet his pants all day. And two gallons of lemonade: sure guarantee.
And the next day George got another old pair of trousers, took his trowel, went over to his neighbors' digging dandelions and when he had to urinate he went home to use the bathroom. And he was really cured. He had his last case of wet pants in his life. And he was amused at the enjoyment he got out of digging dandelions and not wetting his pants and drinking the lemonade and knowing he was free to quit at any time.
Now then after that was done I told George, "On next Tuesday morning we're going shopping. And if I have to come and pick you up or you show up at the office, I'm driving the car." George showed up looking very unhappy. I drove him out to a woman's store.
As we entered a very pretty clerk, one of those outgoing, sociable personalities, looks up and says, "Oh you're Dr. Erickson." She recognized my limp. "And you must be Dr. K." She linked her arm around his and said, "Of course you want to buy something for your wife and daughter." And George found himself in a Disc 4 ! Page 166
horrendous situation. That girl wanted to sell him hosiery, panties, slips, a bra. And she was so friendly, and so agreeable, and so pretty. She gave a long song and dance on the wonders of wearing black lace panties. And she insisted he look at hers. Pulled up her skirt so he could see how pretty her black lace panties were. George had a hard look-a hard time looking. I found it very easy.
She offered him nylon bras of different size. Showed how you measured a breast to fit a bra. And George bought a lot of bras, a lot of panties, a lot of slips, bathrobes. And I think perhaps he-two or three hundred dollars worth of underthings and a lot of material. He had them gift-wrapped and sent to his home. His wife and daughter examined them, found only a few pieces they could wear. All the others were the wrong size. They sent them to Goodwill or the Salvation Army. And they went downtown and bought the things they could wear. George didn't know that. He thought his wife and daughter were wearing the panties and bras he picked out.
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STORY15 One Restaurant Only: Victory for George Milton Erickson: Then I told George, "Your next lesson is this. It was very nice of you and your wife to invite Mrs. Erickson and me out to dinner at Newsom's Prime Rib. I'll drive the car on the way to Newsom's Prime Rib." And I said, "There's two ways of entering: the front way or the back way." As I expected, George chose the back way. We entered.
A very pretty, sociable waitress ran up and said, "How are you, Dr. Erickson? And you must be Dr. K." She helped him off with his coat, took him by the arm, led him to a table and helped seat him at the table. And she certainly was friendly. She was obviously an old friend of George's. She had lots to say to him.
And every time George grunted, I said, "I didn't understand will you say it louder?" And poor George, he couldn't be impolite. He had to be polite. And so he would repeat. And then she said, "Mrs. Erickson, where is his wife and daughter?" No, George's wife only. "Mrs. Erickson I found our seats with graceful ease." She went to get the-the waitress went to get the salads. And George discovered a clock on the wall, kept looking at that clock. A whole half-hour passed. The waitress hadn't shown up. About five minutes later she showed up with four trays of salads.
She asked George which salad he wanted. "That one." He didn't begin to even look.
"Now will you please look." She very carefully told him everything in the salad, asked him if he liked it.
And then, he said, "I'll take it."
She said, "You haven't looked at the other salads yet." So George had to examine all four salads. Of course his salad he picked faster. She said, "No, you're making your mind too fast. Let's go through the salads again." She walks him through, talking sociably, telling little jokes. She had no interest in the other three of us, just George. Finally, George got a salad and she said, "Which dressing?" She had four dressings Disc 4\ Page 168
there.
George said, "That one."
"But you haven't asked about the other dressings." She walked him through the dressings twice. She asked him, "Sour cream?" She was out of sight for half an hour. And she finally came with a menu. His wife and my wife and I had no difficulty choosing our dinner. And she helped him choose. "There are three kinds of meat." He finally settled on prime rib of beef. Heard him heave a sigh of relief.
Now the question came up, "Very well-done? Medium well-done? Just plain welldone? Slightly rare? Medium rare? Rare rare?" And she forced George to make a choice. Then it came to potatoes. There are a lot of different kinds of preparations of potatoes. And George finally managed to say, "Baked potato." And she wanted to know: "With butter? With sour cream? With chives? All three?" And she made poor George decide.
"And for the vegetable?" Different vegetables? Different kinds of buns and rolls and bread? And it was an awfully difficult decision. And she happily and joyously helped him decide. It was a long, painful process for George. And then as he ate his prime rib, she stood over him and inquired about the prime rib and pointed out, "You ought to taste that mashed potato. The vegetables are nice. You could come . your ro ll" b1te .
Supervision to the extreme. That's just friendly, sociable, supervision. And then there's dessert. Do you know how many kinds of ice cream there are? How many kinds of pies, cakes? Ala mode. Ala mode. What's a variety for? Varieties of ice cream. George went through absolute hell. And finally dinner was eaten and he heaved a sigh of relief. Our waitress said, "Did you like your dinner very much?"
"Mmhmm."
"I didn't hear."
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"I liked it very much."
"Did you like it very, very much?" And he knew he'd better say he did.
"I liked it very, very much."
"Did you like it very, very, very much?"
And George said, "I liked it very, very, very much."
She said, "I'm so glad. It's a rule in this restaurant that any patron that likes his dinner very, very, very much has to kiss the chef. He's short, black and fat and he sweats a lot in the kitchen. There are two ways to go to the kitchen: the front way or through a little tunnel in back. Now if we go by way of that tunnel maybe you won't have to kiss the chef. Maybe it'll be somebody else." She was very coy. George looked hopelessly at me. He saw no sympathy in my eyes.
He sighed deeply and said, "I'll go the back way." She said, "Thank you so much for being willing to go the back way. Your willingness is enough." She helped him on with his coat, bid a very fond goodbye to him, invited him back.
A short drive home, George was very silent. Betty and his wife were talking. They got out at George's house.
Betty and I came home and the next night George took his wife and daughter to Newsom's Prime Rib. Went in the front door. Only I didn't expect-when the waitress saw him come in she spoke to the manager. He gave her permission to wait on George and his wife. And she was an absolutely perfectly-behaved waitress.
After that George could take his wife out to dinner anytime, anywhere. He lived through a horrible experience with me. He knew his abilities to survive.
And I mentioned to George, "You know, George, you've never shown your wife a sunrise. Next Sunday I'll take you out to see a sunrise. Now I like to go out in the Disc 4 i Page 170
desert for a drive on Sunday morning, starting at 3am. That way you can see the wild animals, get the breezes and the quiet." Well I picked up George and his wife at 3am. I drove around the desert and finally I picked a place where they could see the sunrise. And George was pleased with it, so was his wife. George never waited for me to take him out for a sunset. He did that the same day. He learned rapidly once he'd started.
And I told him, "George, your wife and daughter are getting bored. You can timepass the time by dancing on the kitchen floor. And our wives would even like to go to a square dance."
George said, "I don't know how to dance."
I said, "That's all right. I know at least a dozen pretty girls that would like to teach you. " George said, "My wife can teach me!" So we went to a square dance and Laura taught him how to square dance. And George began liking it. And they began going to every square dance. And there were a number of square dance clubs all have different nights. And George asked me permission to call square dances. He's so compulsive on his own. I gave him permission and George took up square dance calling and enjoyed it very much.
And then one of the square dancers gave a little theatre play. And George volunteered for a part. And he performed his part in the play very adequately. And George even sent me through the mail a picture postcard that showed the homemade variety of previews of unnamed cowbelles and the cowboys. That's a big step for George sending out risque postcards in the mail. And then George volunteered he'd like to learn ballroom dancing. So was his wife interested. So they joined ballroom dance clubs and they danced every evening.
STORY16 George Cuts the Umbilical Cord Milton Erickson: And I told George, "Your mother calls you up for an hour or twohour chat twice a week to find out how you're getting along. You always answer her phone calls. You also write a ten-page letter to your mother every week. And you're old enough to refuse to do that for your mother. And so I'm going to cut the umbilical cord. And you buy a picnic table. I want two whiskey bottles, one empty with a very lurid label, and one half full and on that label another lurid. And then I want you to get a straw hat. Then I want you to take off all your clothing except for your shorts.
You sit in the chair with bare feet on the picnic table. The empty whiskey bottle will be lying on the side, the label visible. And the other whiskey bottle will be plainly visible, and full-ah half full. And your wife will put booze on your nose and your cheeks. And you can get a bleary look in your eye. And you sit there, feet on the table, bottle teetering on the chair, looking as drunk as can be. You send that picture to your mother with no explanation. Your mother belongs to the Woman's Christian Union-Temperance Union. She abhors alcohol. She sees a nice picture of you thoroughly drunk. And it will do her soul a lot of good.
George never heard from his mother again.
That's the end of the biweekly phone calls and that weekly letter. George even wrote and told her when he and his wife and daughter would be at the lake. The mother didn't show up. And George and his wife and daughter enjoyed that vacation too. Enjoyed a month of it.
Then at Christmastime-he had never given his wife, his daughter a Christmas present or a birthday present.
He told his wife, "I don't want to go through the hassle of buying a Christmas tree or Christmas gifts. And you and your daughter buy the things you want, have them gift-wrapped.
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Student: It's been awful to listen to that story about George. It's been painful.
Milton Erickson: Why painful?
Student: I-why? Well, I feel restricted and confined and obsessed and painful like them.
Milton Erickson: I felt sorry for George. I felt no sympathy for his mother.
Student: Yes.
Milton Erickson: And I gave George the opportunity to dine in a restaurant, buy clothes, see a sunrise, and dance, call dances, ballroom dance, to divorce a hag of a mother, free him of wetting his pants, and a lot of psychological surgery.
Now, Christmas. Laura bought the tree and decorated it and bought the presents. Had them gift-wrapped. He told her how to arrange things. And George and Betty and my oldest son and I went over Christmas Eve. And George and Laura and Carol were waiting. They knew I was coming over. I arrived.
I said, "George, people have various traditions about Christmas. Some like the tradition of opening their gifts on Christmas Eve. Some like opening them on Christmas Day. Erickson tradition is on Christmas Day. Since you have no tradition, you'll start yours on Christmas Eve. Now a proper way to give a present, George, is you pick it up from under the tree, and you address the recipient by name, wish the recipient a Merry Christ-Christmas, and if it's a girl, give her a kiss.
When George picked the first gift, "Mama for Carol" and passed it and gave her a peck on the cheek.
And I said, "Carol, did your father give you that present properly?"
She said, "He did not." Then put it back under the tree.
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"Now what should we do about this Carol?"
She said, "We'd better give him a demonstration of how we should give a gift."
I said, "That's why I brought my older son along. He's your age. He's really goodlooking. And you can choose between him and me."
She said, "I choose you, Dr. Erickson."
I said, "All right." I picked up the gift for her and, "Merry Christmas, Carol," handed it to her. She threw her arms around me, gave me a ten-minute clinger.
When she finally released me, she said, "Daddy, you didn't look. Now I have to do it all over again." And George looked that time. And, Carol sat down with her present and George stepped up and gave the second present that was addressed to his wife. And here George started to laugh looking at me, looking at my son.
He stepped up and George said, "Merry Christmas, Laura," and kissed her on the mouth. He learned rapidly. And so, it was a very happy Christmas Eve.
And then, sometime later Carol came in to me and said, "Daddy has always gone to weddings in the families of his patients and he's always disgraced himself and spoiled the wedding. And he'd cry so loudly. He bawls like a calf. I'm gonna have a church wedding and a wedding reception in the churchyard and I don't want Daddy spoiling it and bawling like a calf. Can you handle that?"
And I said, "I'll take care of it. Just tell your mother I'll sit in the family pew. And tell your mother to sit next to the aisle." And so, Laura sat next to the aisle, George was next to her, and I was alongside of George. And the first thing I did was get a grip on his fingers at where you bend that last digit. Extremely-it's very painful.
I got a good grip on his hand and as the wedding proceeded, when I saw the tears come in George's eyes, and his facial muscles quiver, I squeezed. And a pained look appeared, and an angry look. And the marriage went off without any crying on George's part. Disc 4 i Page 174
After the wedding I said, "George, now for the reception in the churchyard. Shall we walk around hand in hand? Or do you think you can manage it?"
He said, "I think I can manage it." We walked around separately. And Carol was very happy about her church wedding and her reception.
There's one bit more. Laura wanted a house built at Apache Junction where she could enjoy the mountain scenery. When George had a telephone line, electric lines, and a well drilled and he-they drew up plans for the house, started building the house.
Before the house was built completely, George came to me one March and said, "I don't want to tell you this. I feel I owe it to you, I ought to. I've got a bladder pain."
I said, "All right, George, describe your bladder pain." He did so with absolute accuracy.
I said, "George, you know what that means as well as I do. Let's hope it's a benign tumor of the prostate. I think it's malignant. I want you to go to a urologist here and have a-a definite diagnosis made in preparation for surgery."
George said, "This concerns only me and I won't go."
I said, "George, it doesn't concern only you. It really concerns your wife and daughter. And I think you ought to go."
And George says, "This is one decision I'm going to make. I think you were right in everything else you made me do. And this is my trouble."
I begged and pleaded with him. Around July first, I got him to agree to see a doctor, but not in Phoenix. I said, "Where then?" He named a lot of places and I said, "Yes, they're all good. Now which one?" He finally said, "Mayo's." I said, "How do you want to travel there?"
Disc 4 Po1ge PS
He said, "Not by air. I don't like airplane travel. I would prefer to go by bus."
I said, "Bus? That makes too many stops and you might get off. I vote for a train, that makes fewer stops. You're less likely to get off. And I'll make sure of that. You want to go alone or shall I send a half a dozen pretty nurses with you to make sure you get to Mayo's?"
He said, "I'll take the train and I won't get off and I'll go to Mayo's."
I said, "Give me a call when you're at Mayo's." I found out that he took the train to Chicago and a plane to Mayo's. He called me, said he's enrolled at Mayo's. I called back later and asked Mayo's if he was there. He was. They examined him, rushed him to the operating room, operated.
And when he recovered from the anesthetic, they said, "Doctor, if you had come in two months earlier we could have saved your life. And you now have it spreading invading to your hipbones and your spine. You probably have about two years left to live, so live it up." The nurse came back and told me what they had said.
I said, "All right George, do you agree to live it up?"
And he said, "Yes." And he checked with his daughter and his wife. What else did they want? They wanted a free cello concert, for one thing. And George gave them the cello concert because I demanded it. Later he gave them more than one cello concert without being asked to by me. He kept checking on the building of the house, very pleased with it. And before the house was completely finished, he was on his deathbed for about a month. I went over to see him one day, it was a few days before his death. I walked in the room. He had a practical nurse looking after him.
The practical nurse looked over, recognized me and said, "You're Dr. Erickson. I don't want to remain in any room with you." And walked out. I told George not to worry. The practical nurse had what she thought was good reason. And I sympathize with her.
Disc 4: Page 176
IN THE ROOM WITH
MILTON H. ERICKSON, M.D.
Disc 5 October sr\ 1979
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STORY1 "It Took Her Son's Arrest to Jar Her into Changing Her Mind" Mzlton Erickson: She called me up and said, "Dr. Erickson, I want to apologize." I said, "You don't need to."
She said, "I got very rude with you. And you were right all along. And I was too stupid to know you were right." I said, "The damage has been done. What was the damage?"
She said, "Maybe you remember 12 years ago I came to see you as a patient. You listened to my story and then you told me that my darling three-year-old boy would commit a crime in relationship to automobiles. And I was so infuriated that you dared to make that kind of prophecy about a three-year-old boy. And I walked out. I slandered you to a lot of people. And now my son's birthday will be next month. He'll be 15-years old. He's already been put in a house of detention for joyriding in a car. He was released on probation. Now he's stolen a car and the police are looking for him. He's broken probation to steal that car and his fifteenth birthday will be next month. I want to apologize for treating you the way I did." I said, "Never mind the apology. I still think you need a piece of advice. I just pulled out your record. Your husband's birthday is coming up very soon. Don't loan him your car to get his driver's license renewed. Tell him to use his own car, and insist on it."
She said, "I will." I told her that the patient was-she was a schoolteacher. She was married to a machinist and he got paid more than she did. And he was obsessed with the idea he could build a superior car no other automobile manufacturers put out. So he bought a car, he threw away the fenders and ordered some new fenders. And they didn't fit the hood so he threw away the hood and ordered a new hood made-to-order. That Disc 5 Page 17 8
didn't fit the fenders. And he ordered a new chassis and that didn't fit the fenders or the hood. And each year he got new engines, new parts, new tires, new axles, new driving shafts, new steering gears. And he made his wife pay his income tax out of her schoolteacher's earnings. He made her pay him his withholding tax. And she supported him and the boy, paid the taxes, her own income tax, his income tax. And he spent all of his earnings on that car. He worked on it every evening, every holiday, every Sunday, and the little boy never saw him. He was literally a fatherless boy. And the father was very unkind to the boy, "Keep your hands off that Don't touch this. Don't touch that." And I told the mother, "A boy who sees his father that obsessed with a car-and forbidden to share in it and with a father who has no fatherly interest in his soneventually his son will grow up and commit a crime against automobiles before the age of 15. And when the husband went to get a driver's license renewed he passed the written test. So he went out to take his road-driving test. The inspector looked and said, "You mean you drove that car up here to get your driver's license?" The man says, "Yes." The inspector said, "I'm going to look it over." He opened the trunk and looked inside the car, raised the hood, examined the engine, examined the wheels, the axles. He went to another inspector and said, "Come and look at this thing." The other inspector looked at it thoroughly and the two inspectors went up to the man and said, "If we had seen you drive onto the grounds with that car we would have given you a ticket." And he said, "As it is a requirement to notify the city police to be on the lookout for you. And we advise you to hire a tow truck. And we recommend that you either have a tow truck drive it out to the city dumping ground or sell it to the towing company for salvage." Now the man sold the car to the towing truck for salvage. And they generously gave him a ride home. Told his wife he'd borrow his-her car. He took the road test and got his driver's license renewed. Also, he said, "From now on I'm going to turn over my paycheck to you. I'll turn over all of it. What's happened today has convinced me I've made a damn fool of
myself for over 12 years. And I think that's the cause of Tommy to steal a car. And I'll make it up to you." He became a good husband. I don't know what happened to the boy but two years later I got a long distance call, I think from Yellowstone Park. It was the teacher. She said, "After all these years I'm taking your advice. This summer I'm taking a vacation. I'm not working as a practical nurse to pay my husband's income tax. I'm vacationing and having a wonderful time. I'll enjoy going back to teaching." Those are two very sad stories. That woman-it took her son's arrest to jar her into changing her mind. Some people have very rigid minds. And George, like a lot of us, a product of his parents and his mother. And George was a classmate who'd asked me to look after his aunt, whom I made the African Violet Queen. Now some patients you're gonna fail with.
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STORY2 "Meet the Patient at His Own Level": John's Fear Milton Erickson: A German friend who left unexpectedly and left a letter and deals primarily with schizophrenic patients, young schizophrenics. And she has misconceptions of hypnosis. She thinks hypnosis is a curative thing. Hypnosis is only a means of gaining cooperation. It doesn't cure anything. And she thought the Scotsman who opened letters could be cured. Now she was looking at him as if he were a schizoid. He isn't, he's neurotic. And treatment of neurotics differs from treatment of psychotics. Did I tell you about the changing from this world into a psychotic world? Student: No. Other Student: No. Mzlton Erickson: And John was a patient at Worcester. And John was very gentle, polite, obedient. Basically he never did anything wrong. He just wandered around offending nobody. He'd return your greeting: "Good morning," "Good afternoon," or "Good night." Now he was brought to the hospital by the police. Had no identification in his clothes. Nobody ever called for him. He didn't know his name, where he was born. He'd been there for years, just being polite and returning greetings and meeting hospital rules and regulations. I tried and tried to get in communication with John and he couldn't. And I did an awful lot of thinking about that. How could I took-change the world for John and myself that he wouldn't feel afraid to talk to me? And one day I took off my jacket, turned it inside out and put it on backwards. I took off his jacket, turned it inside out, put it on backwards and buttoned it up. I-ah-not a crazy thing to do. I asked John for his real name, where he was born. I got a history, physical examination. I asked him-whenever I wanted to talk to John I first took off my jacket, turned it inside out and put it on backwards and did the same to him. You try to meet the patient at his own level. And people are so afraid of doing things. I was always getting into trouble with my superiors. As an intern I was supposed to supervise a nurse to give me hypodermic Disc 5 • Po1gc 181
injections. And a nurse could not do any intravenous work and could not take blood pressure. And I thought my superiors were old fogies. I thought a well-trained nurse could do a hypodermic injection without being supervised. And I got hauled onto the carpet and really bawled out for that. So I protected myself by letting a-a nurse take blood pressure and a fellow intern would take blood pressure at the same-at the same time on the other arm. And then I took the blood pressure and he and I kept our records and we recorded the nurse's findings-her initials. We collated the carbon and produced my record, which agreed with the nurse's, and stated the other intern who had also done it, he got the same readings as the nurses did. "You should've put down YOUR reading, not the nurse's-her initials."
And I said, "Nurses can take blood pressure as well as doctors." And now we have paramedics who do intravenous, mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, all sorts of things. Right now [redacted] on the East Coast is making an awful fuss about anybody who hasn't got a doctor's degree in psychology, dentistry or psychiatry using hypnosis. And sooner or later the American Society is going to haul me up for teaching hypnosis to people with a master's degree. Now if state's licensed master's degrees knew-do psychotherapy and I know they can do it, and I'm willing to defend myself by pointing out that [redacted] is an old fogie. I don't see why you have to have a PhD in psychology. I know I started some of the work that was being hailed as very important when I didn't even have a college degree. I don't think a college degree does anything for anybody. It's nice to have. It answers a lot of stupid questions. Gotta make sure you have the knowledge.
You should see some of the applications I get. "I didn't get through grade school but I'm interested in hypnosis. I want to do experimental work in healing in surgery. And I haven't even gotten through grade school." I think that I'll give you two other cases.
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STORY3 "I Wasn't Giving Her Anything I Wasn't Willing to Take": Theresa Milton Erickson: When I was at Colorado Psychopathic Hospital I heard a superintendent say, "This hospital is for acute patients and Theresa has been here for three years. And I've done my level best to get her out. I lost, she kept on staying here longer than three months and she's been here three years and I can't get any other hospital to accept her. I wish somebody-" I asked Dr. Eboch if I could work on Theresa and he said, "Yes, you certainly can. You might as well learn you can't do some things in psychiatry." Theresa was a Mexican-American. She worked on truck farms doing simple labor: weeding, pulling onions, carrots, all that hard labor. And Theresa didn't like the low pay, the hard work, the poor food that she got. As soon as she got one foot out of there she developed hysterical paralysis in both legs and landed in the Colorado Psychopathic Hospital which was proper. But, Theresa found life in the hospital wonderful: good food, no work-uh-nurses to socialize with, a lot of patients to socialize with. What more could you ask out of life? Good room, nice bed, no work, regular baths. You were even bathed, you didn't have to do it yourself. She had a very luxurious life. You can't blame her for not wanting to go back. So, for a week every day I told Theresa that I was going to cure her. And Theresa always said, "Perfect. I hope so Doctor." Confirmed, "The next Monday morning I'll start my cure. I'm sure it will work." "I hope so." And Theresa had gone through several generations of doctors. So she looked surprised when the next Monday morning she was wheeled into the treatment room and saw on the floor a double mattress. I was standing on the mattress and I was holding in my hands two electrodes connected by wires to a tall brown box. The nurse stood there. Now having had polio I knew all about galvanic electric currents. It's highly-styled electric current. Disc 5 P:1gc 183
And I said, "These are the things that are going to cure you, Theresa." Now the nurse, she turned the switch and caused a galvanic shock that knocked me flat on the mattress. I got up, took a second shot, picked myself up, got a third shock, picked myself up, instructed for incepts. Gave her three shocks. The next day Theresa came in the treatment room with her arms around the necks of two nurses and dragging her feet and said, "See how much I've improved Doctor? Maybe I won't have to take any more medicine." And I said, "You have improved, Theresa. It shows that I'm on the right track. So I-I'm going to increase the dosage by increasing the strength of the shocks." I took my three knockdown and gave her three. The next morning she walked in pushing a chair along the floor, leaning on the back of the chair and said, "See I've really improved. Maybe I won't have to take any more treatment." And I said, "You've improved so much it shows I'm really doing the right thing. So I want to increase the strength." I got knocked down three more times, gave her her shocks. And on Friday she didn't show up. And instead she talked a Social Service worker into taking her out for a walk. It was summertime. And later that day the social worker looked me up and said, "I feel like skinning you alive. I had to walk 10 miles with Theresa. I had the ward to verify Theresa." And I said, "Maybe I ought to give her just one more treatment to make sure." Now the next morning she ended up with another social worker. That day she walked 20 miles. That was Sunday. I went in to see Theresa and Theresa said, "I'm going home. I don't need any more treatment. I walked 20 miles yesterday. That proves." A year later the social worker went out to that truck farm. Theresa was working the field. The first question Theresa asked, "Is Dr. Erickson still at the Psychopathic Hospital?"
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The social worker knew I was in Massachusetts but he said, "Oh yes, he likes his job at Psychopathic Hospital." She just sighed and went back to work. A year later her work called, "Theresa's working in the field." Her voice said, "Is Doctor Erickson still there?" The worker cheerfully said I was, that I was on the regular staff, and intended to stay. Breathes a sigh and returned to work. Third year Theresa had her baby lying on a blanket on the ground after work. She said, "Sure you are still on staff?" Fourth year she had two babies. She didn't ask if I were on the staff. She was sure I was intending on remaining on the staff for the rest of my life. A few years' followup was enough. And you know the mass of nurses and the other doctors condemned me for treating Theresa that harshly. I assure you those shocks were unpleasant. I took them. I was being honest with Theresa. I wasn't giving her anything that I wasn't willing to take.
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STORY4 Seeing Her Own Behavior: Big Louise Milton Erickson: Another patient in Rhode Island: the superintendant remarked one morning, "Big Louise has done it again and we can't afford it. That woman costs us about six thousand dollars extra each year. And the hospital budget can't stand it." I inquired about Big Louise. She was charming. She was six feet, six inches tall, all muscle, and she was a-a bouncer in speakeasies in the Prohibition days. And she had a little hobby-a harmless little hobby she thought. She liked to go for long walks in Rhode Island-Providence. And whenever she saw a policeman alone, she'd beat him up and put him in the hospital. That's where she got her kicks. And the Chief of Police finally got so angry at losing men to the hospital, he went to court, had Louise declared insane and dangerous to others. And thus he got her committed. And Louise knew she was not insane. She resented being locked up. About once a month she'd do about five hundred dollars' worth of damage to the ward-five hundred dollars' worth of damage each month to the ward. Very expens1ve. And Dr. Miller said, "Tell me about her." I said, "Can I take care of her?" He said, "I'd be delighted to if you could do something for her. So far all I've been able to do is call in about 20 attendants to overpower her and give her a shot of apomorphine. It makes her very sick to her stomach and she would vomit or spend her next twelve hours trying to vomit and feel very, very sick. They'd lock her in a seclusion room with a mattress. She always tears up the mattress while she's vomiting or trying to vomit. It's horrible punishment. It's inhuman." I told Dr. Miller, "I think I can take care of Louise. What's the limits?" He said, "There are no limits except don't kill her." I went into the ward and introduced myself to Big Louise. And I told her the next time she felt a rampage coming on, notify the nurse and the nurse can telephone me. And I would come down 15 minutes before she started her rampage and I would like to talk to her. Disc 5 i Pa~c 186
After she agreed to sit down and talk to me, she said, "While you're collectingbeing ordered to collect plenty of male attendants to come in and overpower me-" And I finally got Louise to accept my word that I wouldn't interfere with her, that nobody would interfere with her, if she'd just sit down and talk to me on a bench. I'd leave at the end of 15 minutes if she wanted me to. I would not interfere. One day the nurse called me and said, "Big Louise says she wants to talk to you." And I went down and Louise was pacing back and forth in front of the bench. I sat down and said, "Sit down, Louise." She said, "Did you notify the attendants to come in and get ready to overpower me?" I said, "No, Louise. No body's going to interfere with you. All I want of you is to talk to you. So sit down." She sat down. My first spring in New England, I talked about New England in the springtime, wintertime. And Louise-Louise was uneasy. After 10 minutes I gave a signal to the nurse and in rushed a dozen or 20 student nurses that came in like sin. And one of the student nurses grabbed a chair and started smashing the windows on the west side. Another student nurse grabbed a chair and started smashing the windows on the other side. Another ripped the telephone off the wall. More student nurses rushed to the table and got ahold of the lights and ripped the lights off the table. And Big Louise jumped up and said, "Don't girl, don't. Please don't." And I had told the nurses that they had to do at least five hundred dollars' worth of damage. And Big Louise rushed around begging the nurses not to. She saw her own behavior for the first time. And the nurses were really enjoying it. They had permission to have a lark! And so they giggled and kept on smashing things. A couple months later Big Louise said, "Dr. Erickson, I'm locked up on the ward where there are a lot of looney women. I can't stand it being locked up with a lot of looney women. Crazy as can be. Can you do anything to get me out of this ward?"
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I said, "Louise, I can get you a job in the hospital laundry. You were sent there once before. You did so much damage that they're all afraid of you. If you give me your word I'll arrange for you to go to the hospital laundry." She did. Two months later the hospital discharged her as a patient and hired her to manage the laundry. There was a six-foot-six carpenter on a hospital maintenance staff. He looks at Big Louise and found her good to look upon. They got married and they had their usual married-couple tiffs but they enjoyed a six-pack of beer every Saturday night and maybe one or two six-packs on Sunday. And for 15 years Louise managed that laundry. Just get a patient to look at themselves when they are completely unmanageable. Of course everybody thought I was a damn fool to tell student nurses to smash things up. And Dr. Miller was very grateful to me.
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STORY 5 "That's the Last Time Ruth Went on a Rampage" Mzlton Erickson: And then at Worcester, Dr. Bryan, the Superintendent, came one morning had a seminar in Administrative Psychiatry. He remarked, "I wish someone would come along with a left brain and put a stop to Ruth." I inquired. Ruth was a 12-year-old patient in a state hospital. She was a pretty girl, very sweet, and very adorable. And she was actually a menace to society. All the new nurses that were hired are warned, "Don't ever try to do Ruth a favor because she'll do plenty of damage to you when you don't expect it." I learned that a new nurse got put on Ruth's ward, had fallen for Ruth, despite warning, and Ruth had begged so piteously for an ice cream cone. Can the nurse please go to the hospital store and buy her just one litde ice cream cone? And Ruth was so piteous and so pleading-just a darling litde child. And the nurse went and bought the ice cream cone and Ruth took it and thanked her very charmingly and gave her a karate chop and broke her arm. She liked to rip the dresses and uniforms off the nurses, kick her in the shin, or jump on their toes. Ruth was a menace. And Dr. Bryan mentioned he wished somebody would come up with an idea. I told him I would like to take charge of Ruth. I went in the office and I outlined my plans. And he said, "By Jove, I think that will work and I know just the nurse to help you." I got a call. Ruth was on a rampage, tearing up the room, tearing plaster off the wall. On the way to the ward I called the engineer and told him to turn off the steam heat to that ward. I went up to the ward to that room and I helped Ruth tear off plaster. And I helped her break the legs off the bed. I helped her tear the sheets in two, the blankets in two. And but-as if that were all the damage we could do. So I said to Ruth, "I think that if you try hard you can pull that steam register away from the wall and twist off the pipe." And Ruth jumped at the idea and she did tear the breaker pipe. The steam was turned off. No harm done. I said, "Well there's no more damage we can do in here. Let's go on down the hall to another room." Out in the hallway I saw that nurse that the superintendent had chosen. Of course, she walks in, good morning to her, I stepped up to her and put my finger in here and ripped her uniform and her slip off. And there she stood in her panties, her
stockings and her bra. And Ruth screamed, "Dr. Erickson you shouldn't do anything like that!" She ran into the room, gathered a torn sheet, wrapped it around the nurse. That's the last time Ruth went on a rampage. Next time she had something come over her she escaped from the hospital. Got pregnant, carried the baby, gave it up at birth to adoption. Called to tell us that preempted the husband, explained what she'd done, that she'd be a good girl. And she was discharged. Oh about nine months later got married. And for at least four years she's a-a very excellent wife and mother. And all the criticism when I came in for ripping a nurse. And they all thought that we were lying. The superintendent, the nurse and I tried to explain it was a prearranged thing. And nobody would believe that a nurse would stand for a doctor ripping her clothes off. I didn't even tell her to get dressed.
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STORY6 "Be Your Own Natural Self'' Student: Dr. Erickson, I've got a question. It's about hypnosis. When you-I think that at one point you said, that deep trance is something that people who are not doctors shouldn't get involved with. Did I misunderstand you saying that or did you say something else? Milton Erickson: I'd say that deep hypnosis is not always necessary. A light trance does a lot of things for you. You can use it very extensively. But when you come to somebody like Anne in Boston State, when she was going to commit suicide, I took no chances. I wanted a deep trance. I didn't want Anne to know what I was doing. I didn't want the audience to know. I did want to make very powerful impressions on her and I apparently did. Student: My question had to do with the lowering of the pulse rate and the breathing rate and if somebody really-! mean is it possible to get somebody to go into such a deep trance that it's hard to get them to come out of it, or is there a point beyond whichMilton Erickson: You mean a plenary trance. You put a person into so deep a trance that their heart rate drops down to six, her breathing down to ten times-it's usually 16 a minute. And it usually takes about one half-hour to come out of trance. And the operator literally dies for about a half an hour. Student: What dies for half an hour? Other Student: The operator. Other Student: The hypnotist. Milton Erickson: Well I've done experimental work with plenary trances very cautiously and I've found out that it's a painful experience. And when they get reconnected, re-associated with all parts of their body, it comes as an awful shock Disc 5 P:;gc 1CJ1
and a painful shock. And once you hurt a hypnotic subject, unless you have very strong rapport with them, you lose that subject. The superintendent at Boston State Hospital was once [redacted]. His wife was one of my subjects. She was an excellent subject and she always had a headache when I awakened her. The experimentation showed that I should give her five minutes in which to wake up, otherwise she would have a headache, a splitting headache. And when I found that out I started checking with other subjects. Now in teaching, I don't care if my subjects get a headache. They don't tell me the next day. They don't tell me if they had a bad dream. Because they're here to learn. Because when they learn by personal experience they're wiser. I know I'm not going to harm them and I want them to know that these things can happen. And I've hypnotized at least 30-40 thousand people. And I've done plenty of experimental work. Just so I don't forget it, tell me tomorrow to tell you about [redacted], U.S. Naval Academy graduate.
Student: Okay. Milton Erickson: Now I thought a fascinating case. Now hypnosis in itself doesn't do anything. But it gives you a favorable climate in which to work.
Student: Dr. Erickson, what do you recommend for learning the techniques of hypnosis? Who do you recommend going to for that? I live in the Santa Fe area I'm not looking for a particular person or uh-some kind ofMilton Erickson: In the first place: develop your own technique. Don't try to use somebody else's technique. Because you can have them look at an object and discuss learning to write the letters of the alphabet. That's the easiest technique. And tell them to relax as a conscious thing. You get tired, that's conscious. Go to sleep, that's a conscious command. Now I talk about the difficulties learning to write the letters of the alphabet. They just naturally go into a trance. And don't try to imitate my voice, or my cadence. Just discover your own. Be your Disc 5
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own natural self. I've seen dozens of scores of men try to imitate me. It's a hollow pretense-the patient knows it. If you talk very rapidly, do so. If you talk very softly, do so. If you talk slowly, do so. But be yourself, and develop your own technique. I've seen lots and lots of failures of attempts to follow my techniques or somebody else's techniques. It's the individual responding to the individual. If I were to work with you, I'd keep you in mind. And I work with you, I keep you in mind. With you, it'd be you I'd be thinking about. And I would try to understand your own behavior. And I would be just my own natural self. I've experimented with trying to do things the way somebody else would do it. It's a mess. If you want to know what kind of a mess it is, go into my desk and bring out that picture on that side of the desk.
Student:Top drawer? Milton Erickson: No, beside the desk. Other Student: You know I wanted, I wanted to tell you on the first day I was here, you gave me the picture to climb, urn, Squaw PeakMilton Erickson: That picture is about 20 inches wide. Student: This-this one? Milton Erickson: It's right there on the floor beside the desk. Yes?
Student: Urn. You, you gave me the picture of uh-taken from the top of Squaw Peak. Last year when I was here, I got three-quarters of the way up and I really panicked and I got very scared. Which is why I mentioned to you in the note that I was frightened. So we climbed Squaw Peak the next morning and every time I would get to the place where I was frightened, that picture just came right into my mind. And I just-
OtherStudent: I can't find the picture on the floor. Milton En.ckson: It's standing alongside of the desk. OtherStudent: Oh. Milton Erickson: The moral is, don't send a man to do a woman's job. As you can see, it's a half-full pileup. Now, what a mess!
Student: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Student: That's beautiful. Student: Look at all the creatures in there. Student: Well I get the point. Milton En"ckson: And you know some of the easiest parts of pictures to see are often overlooked. Student: Some of the easiest-what? Milton En"ckson: Easiest parts to see are often overlooked. Student: Mmhmm. Milton En"ckson: For example, do you see that cat there? Student: Oh yeah, sure. Milton Erickson: So many people have missed that cat. They miss the elephant. They Disc 5 i Page 194
miss the ape over here.
Student: Mmhmm. Student: Well there's definitely a walrus, an egg. Milton Erickson: The snake. The doves. Student: Lion. Other Student: The lion? Other Student: Is it a lion or a tiger? Other Student: A lion in the bushes. Other Student: Yeah over on the left. Milton Erickson: Every neurotic patient presents you that kind of picture. I think a picture like this belongs in every psychotherapist's office. It's so intriguing and it takes the person outside themselves and they start looking for new ideas. And you get them acquainted with looking for new ideas you open their mind. And they thought you were showing them a picture. Let's see what happens when you set it slightly sidewise.
Student: All right. Milton Erickson: You get a new view of it. Student: Can you turn it-do you want to turn it over that way? Milton Erickson: And I'll show you something else. Look at it this way. You get new
views. You look at it this way. You get new views. Always look at a picture from all four sides.
Student: Children are very good at finding all those hidden faces. Milton Erickson: And adults look at it right side up. They can't find things. So remind me of this tomorrow. I'll give you a case history of how looking at a picture determined the successful career for a woman. I think that's a good finish for the film.
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STORY7 "In a Trance State You Can Be Aware of Anything You Wish"
Milton Erickson: Apparently the only time I can lecture well is when I have bugs on me. Student: That's gonna be embedded forever. Milton Erickson: Hi. How are you, Miss Trustful?
Student: What is it today, [redacted]? Milton Erickson: Miss Trustful. Student: You can leave a little bit more.
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Milton Erickson: It is delightful to see how she mistrusts me. Student: What was that? Milton Erickson: I said it's delightful the way you mistrust me. Student: You call me Miss Trust. Other Student: So where's the picture? Other Student: The pictures are on the desk. Milton Erickson: When Mike gets here, BettyBetty: What? Milton Erickson: When Mike gets here. Betty: Yeah, I was thinking of Mike too. Milton Erickson: We'll have him do stained glass for that. Betty: For our teenage grandson who's just getting into stained glass. He's really carried away with it. Student: You can really get carried away. Other Student: So you didn't understand what I said, huh? Milton Erickson: Hm? Student: You didn't understand what I said. The other day you didn't-you called me Disc 5 I Page 198
Miss Trustful. You said today-! said I'm becoming more Miss Trustful.
Milton Erickson: But you're still sitting as far away as you can. Student: This, this is the most comfortable place in the room. Milton En.ckson: And this would be the least comfortable. Student: I find it comfortable here. I can look at the garden here. Other Student: From Japan? Student: No. Other Student: Can I give you one more bug? Milton Erickson: I'm not disputatious like you are. Student: Not what? Milton En.ckson: Disputatious. Student: Oh you're not? I don't know about that. Milton En.ckson: She can dispute anything, can't she? Student: You're right. Well, you told me to do that. That's part of my strength, huh? Milton En"ckson: I hope all of you looked at this picture. Things are not what they seem until you've really looked at them. And patients are not what they look like until you've really looked at them. Some of you know this. Disc 5 Po>gc 199
I'd like to have you each read it, but don't betray your understanding of it. Now, I'll say that again. Read it! But don't betray your understanding. I said don't betray your understanding. You're really not that slow on the pick-up. Did you read the words on that? Student: Yes. Milton Erickson: What?
Student: Something about read everything enclosed in the parenthesis ... Milton Erickson: And what were the parenthetical expressions?
Student: Two sets of numbers, two blocks of seven's, 710, 7734. Milton En.ckson: 710, 7734, and that's what you read.
Well I think the use of the word "hell" in the classroom is often an excellent word to use-pass around you. Student: Is this hell? Milton Erickson: What's that?
Student: Now these are wicked, is this hell? OtherStudent: He turned it over? Other Student: I sent it. Disc 5 Pag(' 200 I,
Milton Erickson: And you didn't pick up on that.
When you look at things in every possible way, you see a lot more. Then you'll see some other structures there. And you keep turning that around. Well, let's just illustrate one example-of Mrs. Erickson and I were in Mexico City and went back to the home of a dentist for dinner. And during the dinner the dentist very proudly told us his wife was an excellent artist and she very modestly poo-pooed the idea. She said she did a little sketching, but by no means could she be regarded as an artist. That dentist insisted she was an artist and against her wishes brought out half a dozen sketches she had made. And around the border, all around the border of each sketch, she made a lot of urn-curlicues as a sort of frame-a border, ornamental border of curlicues. And I looked at the sketch and I turned it and looked at it this way. It's probably very nice this way. Then this way. And I took a small piece of paper, tore a hole in it the size of my little fingernail and laid it on the border. And both saw a very well-drawn miniature face concealed in that border. I moved it up, there's another one. There were hundreds of faces in the border. Different expressions, miniatures infused in with the curlicues. Now at-at first sight you couldn't see them. And then I told her, "Anybody who is so clever in sketching that she can draw miniature faces by the hundreds and not know about it, really is an artist." And now she's a well-known artist in Mexico and she's the head of the art gallery in Mexico City. Just because I Student: She didn't know that she had drawn all that ...
Milton Erickson: She didn't know she had put all those faces there. And it took some
doing to do that many well-drawn miniature faces. And you need to look at only a few of the pictures here. And I want to impress upon you that, when you look at one side of a story you turn it around and look at it from the other side, it's a totally different story. What does it read there?
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Student: The first one it says here, "Here is a German farmer dressed in a curious wig and looking rather sad because he's lost his fattened pig." Milton Erickson: That's a nice pretty little girl, isn't she? Student: Mmmhmm.
Milton Erickson: And turn it over. Now. She's not a pretty girl. Now pass it along. You didn't know girls looked like that, did you? In marital counseling a husband tells you a very straightforward story, very convincing. And then his wife tells you another story, very convincing. Now the same story from different points of view. And therefore you should be careful about your interpretation. I favor guessing sometimes what the story looks like from the other side. Now how many newcomers are here today? Aren't you a newcomer? Student: Not really. Milton Erickson: Did you comb your hair differently? Student: Glasses. That I never really had before. Milton Erickson: Now then [redacted], sign a slip of paper before you leave. Student: Dr. Erickson, we were going to go back to Santa Fe last night. We were supposed to go back last night. And the reason that I decided to stay an extra day is, after being here for four days with you-I still don't know, or I don't know that I know what hypnosis is or what a trance is. Milton Erickson: Miss Disputatious there would be glad to tell you. Student: Miss who? Disc 51 Page 202
Other Student: Disputatious. Student: Oh. Milton Erickson: Tell him what a trance is. Student: For me it was like umm-meditation. I was exp-but more relaxed than I've ever been because my body did really feel numb. But I was completely aware of everything that was going on to the point that when my tape-I knew my tape wasn't recording and I was having this conflict about whether to ask somebody to turn it over or to just let it go. And I decided to let it go because I didn't-actually because I didn't know if I was really in a trance and if I talked about my tape then I wouldn't be in a trance-it would mean I wasn't in a trance. And I was, and I also, and I also thought you might disapprove of that. And urn-so I do have some regrets about my dealing with the tape. U m-it was very peaceful but I-I was completely in control of everything I was doing and saying. I remember it all. Uhand it was one of the most pleasant experiences I've ever had. I didn't feel like he had me in his power at all. But I felt a great sense of trust. And there was thisnothing about me was changed-it was exaggerated. I did-I do have a great need to please people and it was there with him. Milton Erickson: Then why did you dispute me? Student: Because you told me to in the trance, or you gave me permission to. And I wanted to do that anyway. Milton Erickson: But are you awake right now? Student: Yes, I Milton Erickson: You sure? Do you know? Student: Yes. I don't have that same feeling that I had before when I was sitting over there for-
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Milton Erickson: You don't? Student: No. My body is not completely relaxed. But the more you look at me. Milton Erickson: How long before you close your eyes? Student: I don't know. I don't know how long I can hold out. Milton Erickson: All right, a trance is one state of awareness. And waking is another state of awareness. In a trance state you can be aware of anything you wish, and unaware of anything you wish. Now she was aware of her tape recorder. And did I say anything about her not attending to her tape recorder? Student: No. Milton Erickson: Yet she wanted to. Why didn't she? A certain inertia. She was comfortable the way she was. As for your tape recording, you've got that in the back of your head only you don't know it.
Student: That's very reassuring. Milton Erickson: How are you getting along, Mary? Student: Good. Milton Erickson: You still teaching your husband how to play hand-what is it handball or racquet-Student: Racquetball. Well, we're still playing. I don't teach him much but we're still playing. Milton Erickson: Is it because he can't learn much? Or you have too much to teach him? Disc 5 i Pag-e 204
Student: He likes to teach himself. He doesn't like me to tell him stuff about it. I score a few things and I'll just, anyway ... Milton Erickson: How many times has he beaten you? Student: None. Milton Erickson: I think you've got a lot to learn. Other Student: She-she's taking a clinic though. Milton Erickson: Hmm? Student: She's taking a racquetball clinic and she learns by videotape. And she really goes at it. OtherStudent: Yep. Student: I only play once a week. Milton Erickson: So that's your excuse. Student: You sound like my father. Milton Erickson: All right. How do you explain your willingness to hold your arm up like that? Student: Now or then? Milton Erickson: Then. Student: I want-I just wanted to-I wanted to-to be very receptive to you. Disc 5
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Milton Erickson: So how did you know how to do it exactly right? Student: Because you held it up for me. You-you-you took my hand, I remember I was sitting there and you took my hand and you held it up in what you said was an awkward position. It was sort of like this, but it felt very comfortable. Milton Erickson: Was I misstating facts? Student: Pardon? Mzlton Erickson: Was I misstating facts? Student: Are you misstating the facts? Milton Erickson: When I said it was a very awkward position. Student: It doesn't feel awkward. Ok this, like this, is a little bit more comfortable. But this, if you said-it's still there. That anesthesia is still there! Milton Erickson: What anesthesia? Student: It's not uncomfortable. Milton Erickson: Well what do you mean that anesthesia? Student: The trance that the urnMilton Erickson: Did I suggest anesthesia to you? Student: Yes you did. Mzlton Erickson: How? Disc 5 ! Page 206
Student: You told me to disassociate my head from my neck up, urn-from the rest of my body. Milton Erickson: Where did your head go? Student: It went into urn-a-a beautiful balloon in the sky. Hot air balloon, with yourvo1ce. Milton Erickson: And left your body down here? Student: Uh huh. How come I'm still holding my hand like this? Milton Erickson: Now do you think you can get any reasonable person to believe that your head went off in the sky like that? Student: No I'm not-I would never tell those people about this. No. Milton Erickson: But it was a real experience to you. Student: Yesl Yes, I believe it. That's the most important thing. Milton Erickson: All right. Who else has been in a trance? And did your head go off in a balloon? So where did she get that balloon? Student: It's hers. Other Student: It's mine. I-I want to go in a balloon. That's something I-I will do in a conscious state too. Milton Erickson: Mmhmm. Student: I don't know whether my body will be dissociated. But maybe I'll do that Disc 5
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when I get in the balloon.
Milton En"ckson: And you left your body sitting here. Student: Yes. Milton En"ckson: How did the balloon get through the ceiling? Student: I-I didn't worry about that. It just went. Milton Erickson: It just wentStudent: Well no, the balloon was already there. The balloon was up there waiting for me and I joined it. Milton Erickson: How? Did you just butt your way through the ceiling? Student: There you go again. Putz! I didn't have to. My spirit went up there. Milton Erickson: What if your spirit comes and sits here? Student: Ok. No, I couldn't. All right. My spirit will be there. Milton Erickson: What will your body back there do? Student: What will it do? Just sit here, keep sitting in the chair. Relaxing. Milton Erickson: And your spirit is here. Student: Uh huh. Milton Erickson: Now which one of us is headed for the looney bin? Disc 5 i
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Student: Well, probably me. You have a lot more respect in the community. Milton Erickson: You mean I've been to the looney bin? Student: No. I think you're immune to them. Milton Erickson: And what are you thinking right now? Student: Oh I was just urn-looking at your eyes and feeling good. Milton Erickson: And what? Student: Feeling good. Milton Erickson: And how do my eyes make you feel good? Student: I don't know. Milton Erickson: Mary what happens when you go into a trance? Student: A lot of things, umm-sometimes I can remember and sometimes I can't. But I just got-I go lots of places and sometimes I hear what you say and a lot of times I don't hear what you say. If I were supposed to repeat it then I wouldn't repeat it. Milton Erickson: All right. A trance state is using your brain so that you can entertain any thought and give reality to that thought, to that memory, the same way that you can dream at night. Have a very nice dinner somewhere with friends. The friends you would like to see and you haven't seen for years. In your dream at night you can go out to dinner with them and really enjoy that steak, or the hundred-year-old eggs, or whatever you choose. You hear them. You see them. You feel them. You talk to them. They talk to you. What's taking place is that your memories are being substituted for current stimuli.
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One dream that I have, and frequently, is-and I'd always wake up-I'm walking uphill from the pasture back on the farm in Wisconsin. It's midwinter and the snow is above my knees in depth. And I'm plowing my way up the hill through that fresh snow. I'm tired, my feet are cold. I'm hoping to get up to the top of the hill so I can go in the house and get warm. I keep getting colder and colder and finally I awaken and then I discover the blanket is not covering my feet. And that hill was real that I was climbing. And my feet were really cold, had extremely poor circulation. And what-that coldness was a genuine thing. The snow, wintertime, the farm-were far removed by many years. And besides I have those cold feet. As I awakened I knew I was in Arizona. And there is no snow in this part of Arizona. I could see the fence post, the boxelder trees, everything-uh in the dream I was unable to distinguish between reality and memories. Memories came alive.
Now as I mentioned before, all humans stand up and walk. You can talk. You can write. At one time the art of standing up was very, very conscious in every detail. You had to consciously reach up to the edge of the playpen. You had to consciously pull you up-yourself up. You had to consciously discover how far apart your feet were. The more stable you were you had to consciously become aware that your knees would bend and that to stand up you'd have to keep them straight. All that was conscious. And now you walk down the street and you never think about body balance. You alternate your feet. And you can walk with your feet as close together as you want to. You can balance your body. And when you first tried to balance your body, that was a very, very conscious endeavor. And now you don't consciously keep your body balanced until you try to walk a rail fence and then you discover all the difficulty you once had a long time ago.
As we're talking, at first you made noises then you discovered other people made noises and they seem to be very repetitious. And finally, to the great delight of your parents, you managed to make the same sound twice and say, "Ma rna". And that was a long, hard, difficult task to learn consciously. And now you can read aloud from a book and say, "Mama," without any conscious effort. The trance state is an altered state of awareness in which you have ready access to a lot of memories, learnings, learnings consciously-made, experientially-made, that you don't really know anything about.
Now, you offer a subject a piece of candy and they take it. And they feel the candy, and see the candy, they can smell the candy, but there's no real candy given to them. They start to eat it enjoyably and their saliva glands secrete the correct saliva or carbohydrates. Disc 5 i Page 210
STORY8 "She Told Me She Couldn't Go into a Trance" Milton Erickson: When teaching at Phoenix College, Susan was an excellent subject. She was a clerk from my class and she was surprised when I asked her to come up in front and act as a subject. She told me she couldn't go into a trance, so I had her look at the back wall of the classroom and told her to see the Superstition Mountains there. And she tried hard to hallucinate the mountains. She said, "I'm sorry, Dr. Erickson, I just can't see the Superstition Mountains there. It's just a plain wall." I called on Susan. I asked her where she liked to eat. And she named a certain restaurant. I asked her, "Why do you like that restaurant?" "Because they serve chicken so frequently." And she liked the way they seasoned the chicken. And then I said, "Any other attractors?" She said, "Oh yes, the guitarist who plays the guitar throughout the dining hours." And I said, "Is that the guitarist?" She said, "Yes." I said, "Is the chicken good?" She started chewing chicken. And I said, "See the mountains?" She said, "Dr. Erickson, I can't see the mountains on that bare wall." "Is the chicken good?"
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"Very good." "Describe the guitarist to me." She gave a good description. I asked for a description of the restaurant and she described the restaurant out in front. The guitarist sat over in that corner. She liked to sit near him. She liked to eat her chicken. She couldn't see the audience, she could just see the restaurant. But she couldn't see the mountains on the back wall. And when I awakened her, she sat there looking puzzled and finally she said, "Dr. Erickson, how did that taste of chicken get in my mouth?" And I said, "Because when you listened to the guitarist over there you started chewing chicken again." But she couldn't see the Superstition Mountains on the back wall. That was a classroom back wall. She couldn't see the class or hear them. In other words, all of her attention was directed to the wall as a reality. And then all the rest was replaced by memories. Memories of actual experiences.
Student: Is that why uh-when you have a dream, a repeated dream that is negative, is it because it's a memory of a real experience? Milton Erickson: Not that the memory is a negative thing. It is quite often just a-a partial understanding of a past event. Student: Is it a correct understanding? Milton Erickson: Do you know how many pretty girls I've kissed in my dreams? Student: I'd say hundreds if not thousands. Milton Erickson: And their kisses were very warm.
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Student: Yes. Milton Erickson: I've kissed more girls in my dreams than I have in my waking life. Student: So that's a partial understanding of the girls you've kissed in your waking life? Milton Erickson: The girls I kissed I never met for a partial understanding. Now I believe in letting your mind roam and think and understand anything. When I first read about the Eskimos and how they rubbed noses I recalled a dream of being in an igloo and rubbing noses with an Eskimo girl. And certainly it seemed curious to me because she apparently enjoyed it. I was just wondering about that. And when I found out that the old Japanese way of kissing was to rub noses, and this was a long time ago, I went to sleep wondering about that type of human behavior. So I explored it in my dreams. I took the understanding I got from the book and turned it into a dream reality. I've walked on the Sahara Desert just wondering what it feels like to walk on the Sahara Desert barefoot. I also dreamed about living with Pygmies and eating caterpillars and beetles, which the Pygmies say are very delicious. I found they were delicious. Now that was a-a re-construction of my conscious reading into the, and understanding of my unconscious mind because caterpillars and beetles are thoroughly enjoyed by a large group of people they must have a delicious taste. And I assure you, not since I can remember have I ever eaten a beetle or a caterpillar. I know adventures of many good children. Your own, in fact, you have to watch them to keep them from eating spiders and bugs and flies and everything. You see, in an effort to understand people you listen to them and hear them. You know you've never had that experience. You read about people and you really want to understand it. Or you could dream it as an experience. And you've had a lot of practice in the experience, a lot of things, all of which you don't know about. A lot of it. I'm the first one to tell you what I think. You have three different kinds of saliva according to what you're eating. And it took you about two months to learn how to shed tears. There was a time when you were hungry and crying because you were hungry. And your mother picked you up and patted you on the tummy, put you back to bed. And since you'd been stimulated you thought you'd had a good meal. You started to go to sleep and then hunger Disc 5 Paf:'C 213
pains struck you again. And even though you couldn't say the words, you could have the feeling: "That meal didn't stick to my ribs very long." So you started crying again. Your mother picked you up and patted you on the back. "That tasted like a good meal." They put you back in bed. You started to go to sleep and then another hunger pang hits you. And you said, "The meals served here are very short in duration. They just don't stick to your ribs." After a while you learned what "sticking to your ribs" meant. And little children, they commit-no, that's not an actual example. My daughter tore a page in a book. She knew she'd done wrong. The next morning she awakened and told us that her sister had torn the book and took us and showed us the book with the torn page. Now, she had learned that it's wrong to tear pages in a book. Apparently she hadn't tried to tear the book; it was an accident on her part. And then it gave her guilt, and nobody likes guilt. So she went into a dream process in which she shifted the guilt to her sister. And those hiccups, I don't know why my wife seasons my breakfast with hiccups.
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STORY9 "I Don't Know ifYou're a Good Hypnotic Subject": Plane Phobia Part I Milton Erickson: All right. I mentioned-did I tell you about the girl with the airplane phobia? Student: No. Other Student: No. Milton Erickson: Even those who've heard this story will need their mind refreshed. In 1960-'72, I had no appointments that Monday. I was in the house, the doorbell rang, a young woman in her mid-thirties came in. And she said, "Dr. Erickson, I have an airplane phobia. And this morning my boss said, 'On Thursday you fly to Dallas and return by air on Saturday or you lose your job.' And I like my job. I don't want to lose my job. Now I'll tell you the whole story. In 1962, an airplane I was on-I had the same job then I have now-the airplane I was on crashed. No real damage was done to the plane and nobody on board was hurt. And we were all scared. And the next trip I made I didn't think anything about it. I boarded the plane, taxied out to the end of the runway, at the moment the plane took off I found I was scared. And I felt air turbulence continuously. Now when we reached an intermediate stop, the plane landed. I felt entirely comfortable. The plane taxied to the airport then taxied back to the end of the runway and took off. And the air turbulence began and I got more and more frightened. I continued to use the plane for five more years and each time the plane took off I became more and more frightened. And it's always a nice rest for my fright when the plane landed at an intermediate stop. And then I don't have to take off again. And I judged it the onset of my phobia. I did that for five years. And by that time I was shaking so violently all over. And when I arrived at my destination I had to go into bed and sleep for eight hours before I could do my work. And I simply couldn't take it physically. I began using my vacation time, my sick time and my allowable absentee time to enable me to travel to various places in the United States to do my job of computer programming. And this morning a call from the boss said he's not going to stand for that nonsense anymore. I would have to fly a Disc 5 Page 215
plane-on Thursday morning I've got to board a plane and go to Dallas and return by plane on Saturday. And it makes me sick to think about it. Now can you hypnotize me and cure me of my airplane phobia?" I told her, "First of all I don't know if you're a good hypnotic subject." She said she was in college. And I said that was a long time ago. So she agreed that I could put her in a trance to see if she were a good hypnotic subject. That's a very good thing to do with a patient. Don't base your therapy upon the use of hypnosis. First use your hypnosis to find out if they can be hypnotized. And patients are usually willing to agree to that. You're just finding out one little unimportant thing. If you hypnotize them in relationship to their neurosis, a great big value is concerned. And they may resist you again and again because of their neurosis. You create a situation when it's just a simple test. And just to test the ability to go into hypnosis, well, that's unimportant. And so you get your patient in trance. And once in a trance you discover how good a subject they are, how responsive, and you know what kind of calls you could make upon them. When I awakened her from the trance I told her she was an excellent subject. I couldn't start therapy until I really knew how she behaved on a plane. I told her I'd have to put her in a trance, have her hallucinate being on a jet plane on the way to Boston. And she agreed to that. It's just a test in a trance state, hallucinating herself aboard the plane. A violent shuttering of her entire body took place. That was not a very pretty picture. I actually had her hallucinate for landing of the plane and she immediately became comfortable. She told me about how she had kept her appointments previously by travelling in a closed car, in a bus, or a train. Because she couldn't stand airplanes. Then I told her there was one other test I'd have to give her. She should think it over very carefully. I told her, "You're an attractive young woman, decidedly attractive. And I am a man. I am in a wheelchair, but it doesn't tell you how handicapped I am. So I want you to promise me that if I treat you, you will agree to anything, good or bad, that I may ask of you. So think that over. It's pretty inclusive. You're an attractive girl. I'm a man. You don't know how badly handicapped I am.
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IN THE ROOM WITH
MILTON H. ERICKSON, M.D.
Disc 6 October 5th' 1979
Disc6!
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STORY1 "What Other Problem Did You Used to Have?": Plane Phobia II Milton Erickson: Ask of her anything, good or bad that I wished and she would do it. And then I told her-awakened her and told her she'd promised me in a waking state and trance state. And that she would have to obey her unconscious promise and her conscious promise. And I told her, "I'll now put you in a trance and have you experience yourself on a jet plane traveling at 750 miles-650 miles an hour ground speed at an elevation of 35,000 feet. Now you're on that plane." She started shuddering something violent. I hated to see it. I told her that I was going to have the plane land and that as the plane landed she would feel slipping off her body all her phobias, her anxieties, the demons of fear, and they would be sitting in the seat beside her. I awakened her. She mopped perspiration from her face and then gave a sudden scream and leaped from the chair and rushed to the far side of the room, pointed to the chair, she said, "They are there! They're there!" And I said, "What?" "All my phobias and fears." She was obviously afraid of the chair. I called Mrs. Erickson in and told Mrs. Erickson, "Sit in that chair!" The patient said, "Please don't Mrs. Erickson." Betty disregarded her and proceeded toward the chair. The patient rushed up and physically interfered with Betty. She wasn't going to have Betty sit in that chair. Then I told the patient-dismissed Betty and told the patient, "You're not cured. Enjoy your trip to Dallas and back and call me from the airport when you return to Phoenix." After she left I had a feeling I hadn't really done complete therapy. And knowing how everybody, whether they know it or not, is superstitious. It's part of our culture. You don't open an umbrella inside the house, it'll cause it to rain. Don't Disc 6 !Page 21 8
walk under a ladder. Spill salt, you throw it over your left shoulder. You put on your underwear wrong side out, you wear it that way all day or otherwise you'll have bad luck. I like to carry a rabbit's foot for good luck, a lucky piece, a lucky charm. So after she left I had my youngest daughter take an overexposed picture of the chair. Then an underexposed picture of the chair. And then a properly exposed picture of the chair. And then I put each picture in a separate envelope. Labeled the overexposed picture: "Eternal resting place of your fears, phobias, anxieties and torments slowly descending into the darkness of eternal gloom." The picture underexposed, I said, "Eternal resting place of your fears, phobias, anxieties, worries, slowly dissipating into outer space." And the normally-exposed picture, that envelope I labeled, "The eternal resting place of your phobias, fears, anxieties." I mailed them to her; she got them on Wednesday morning. Now Saturday she called me from the airport and in a most ebullient voice said, "It was fantastic! It was beautiful beyond description! It was utterly wonderful!" So I asked her if she'd mind coming to my home at 8 o'clock that night and telling her story to four PhD candidates that I was tutoring, and they were afraid they couldn't pass their examination. And she said she'd be delighted to come. And at 8 o'clock she and her husband came in. Her husband was very amused when she skirted around that chair and took a seat as far away from it as she could. And five minutes later the students walked in. One of them tried to sit in that chair and she jumped up and said, "Please, please don't sit in that chair!" He said, "I've sat there before. It's a comfortable chair. I'll sit there again." And the patient was pleading away and said, "Please, please don't!" The student said, "I believe you mind that, my sitting in that chair. It troubles you? I'll just sit on the floor. I've sat there before." And then I asked my patient to tell the students her entire story. She told them all about her airplane phobia using the same words that I used to describe it. And told them about the pictures I had sent her on Wednesday morning: how she'd taken them along and how she found the trip there and back a glorious experience. And then I told the patient, "And now, right now, since you finished telling the Disc 6 I p,,gc 21 <)
story, close your eyes and go into a deep trance. Now that you are in a deep trance, listen carefully. I want you to go down to the airport, buy a round-trip ticket to San Francisco. When you get to the airport in San Francisco I want you to rent a car, drive out to the Golden Gate Bridge, park your car, walk out on the bridge, look over the railing down in the water. The bridge is supported by pylons 740 feet high. And you look down and you can see the waves, the foam on the crests rolling in, rolling out. You'll see the seagulls. When that bridge was painted one of the workmen that was painting the bridge had a fishnet on the end of a long pole for dipping up a catch. And he would catch seagulls and paint their heads red until there were enough redheaded seagulls for an enterprising reporter to publish a news story about a new species of seagulls that were redheaded. And you watch the waves of seagulls, then the fog will come rolling in, you'll watch it until the fog obscures everything. And return to your car, go back to the airport, return to Phoenix, come directly here. I awakened her and she said, the girl said, "Oh, I must tell you about my trip to San Francisco." And she repeated the entire story and said, "And that nasty Jake who painted the seagull's heads red!" As a remark, I knew she wouldn't like that. She's an ecology freak. And when she finished telling the story, "And I came directly from the airport here ... Oh my goodness! I made that trip in a trance!" I said, "That's right. Now I've got a question to ask you. You have no fear of airplanes now, no airplane phobia?" She said, "That's right. It's very pleasurable to ride in them." I said, "All right. Now what other problem did you correct when you went to Dallas?" She said, "I had no other problem." And I said, "Yes you did." She said, "I didn't have." One of the students suggested a fear of heights. She said, "No. I was never afraid of heights. I just had my airplane phobia, but I don't have it now." Disc 6 i Page 220
And I said, "But what other problem did you correct in Dallas?" And she says, "I didn't have any other problem." I said, "All I have to do is ask you a simple question and you'll know your other problem that you corrected in Dallas." She said, "Well, I didn't have any other problem. Well ask your question." I said, "What was the first thing you did when you reached Dallas?"' And she looked extremely surprised and said, "Oh that! I went to a 40-story building and rode the elevator from the ground floor up to the top floor of that 40story building." "How did you used to ride the elevator?" "I used to ride from the first floor to the second floor, get off and take another elevator to the third floor, get off and take another elevator to the fourth floor. I was so used to doing that, that I didn't regard it as a problem." I said, "All right. So you admit you corrected another problem on that trip to Dallas." She said, "Yes. That way of using the elevator was time-consuming and ridiculous. I couldn't help myself. I was so used to it, I'd forgotten I had that problem." I said, "All right. Now what other problem did you used to have?" She said, "Those two problems were the only problems I ever had." I said, "No. The elevator problem was one. The airplane problem was another. How's your other problem?" Disc 6 Pac:e 221
She said, "You have to tell me because I know I didn't have another problem." I said, "I can ask you a question and when you answer it you'll know what your other problem was." The students were-I asked to guess what her other problem was. I told them they should know; they'd heard the patient tell her complete story. And I said, "Now when you were traveling in a closed car or a bus and you came to a long suspension bridge, what did you do?" She said, "Oh that. I used to get down on the floor of the bus and shut my eyes and shudder and I have to ask some stranger, a passenger, 'Is the bus over the bridge?' The passenger said, 'Yes.' and I could get up and sit in my seat. It's awfully embarrassing." And I said, "And that didn't occur on the train, did it?" She said, "No. This happened in a closed car or a bus. When my husband was driving the car he'd stop before we came to the bridge. I'd get in the back of the car and crouch down on the floor of the car, shut my eyes and shudder until my husband told me, 'We're over the bridge now."' Now you've heard this story. You found out she had more than one problem. Now the first question I'll ask you is: what was her original problem? Did she have an airplane phobia? Did she?
Student: She had a phobia of flying. She was okay in an airplane, but when the airplane was flying she was crazed. Milton Erickson: That's right. Therefore she didn't have an airplane phobia. And the flying phobia, what was the phobia? Other Student: Of motion? Student: Or was it the fear that-the fear that the plane would crash?" Milton Erickson: Then why the elevator? Disc 6 Page 222
OtherStudent: Yeah, see? It's all connected. Milton Erickson: Isn't there? Other Student: It's all connected. Student: Or an elevator could crash too. Milton Erickson: She'd never been in an elevator crash. Now I knew she didn't have an airplane phobia because she could board a plane right out to the end of the runway. When the plane took off it no longer became a plane-it was a closed space and no visible means of support. Elevator is a closed space. No visible means of support. Now how did I know about the bridge? Closed car or a bus are closed spaces. Now a long suspension bridge, you see no physical means of support to the right, to the left, nor behind you, nor in front of you. Again, you're suspended in space. No visible means of support. If she's in a train the clinking of the wheels on the rails gave her auditory proof of ground support. She didn't have her phobia on trains. Now how did I know if she had an acc-uh-elevator fear? And a bridge fear? Because I knew she didn't have an elevat-uh-airplane phobia. She just had a fear of closed spaces with no visible means of support. Now the next question: why would I make-ask her to make such an outrageous promise to me? If she'd board an airplane she'd place her very life in the hands of a total stranger that she couldn't even see, didn't know. Absolutely life-threatening. And that's a horrible thing to have your very life threatened. And her problems, to me, didn't really fit in her life, just the comfort of her life. That's all. But it paralleled the fear. And she had to honor the pilot and the elevator operator and the bus driver-her life in the hands of a total stranger. So when I heard her tell about her airplane phobia I was not misled by the words, "airplane phobia." I understood it as being a phobia for a closed space with no visible means of support. And my own experience tells me in an elevator, the situation is the same. And a long suspension bridge situation is the same. And when you listen to a patient you recognize THEIR possible meaning of their Disc 6 P
words and then you compare them with what you KNOW about the meaning of . words. A gambler speaks about a-his "run of luck." The cards, the dice, any means to a "run ofluck." A fisherman speaks about the "run of the fish." And politicians speak about the "run of the government." You speak about a "run" to a girl and she speaks of her stockings. The word "run" has 140 meanings. The road "runs" uphill, downhill, stands still. A fast horse is what? A race horse? A horse locked up in a stall. They're both fast. Or maybe on a fast, not eating. He may be ridden by a fast woman. That's another meaning entirely. So when you listen to a patient's story, listen to their words and think of all the other meanings to the words they use. Now my sister and I grew up on the farm. I left the farm more than 50 years ago. My sister left it more than 50 years ago. She made three trips around the world. And on one trip she stopped in to visit me since we hadn't seen each other for a long time. And my wife was born in the city of Detroit and grew up there. And all of a sudden my wife overheard my sister and I using an alien word, entirely alien to her. In the city you eat breakfast, lunch and dinner. On the farm you eat breakfast, dinner and supper. And my sister dropping in to visit me after many years of not seeing her, we were discussing various countries she'd been in and we got around to discussing their cultures and customs and the word "supper" came up. And that was many a word with my sister and me. And my wife heard us talking about supper and she came in and said, "Why are you talking about supper? It isn't dinner time yet." I told her, "We two are farm kids; you're a city kid." And all through our language we have our own meanings for our own words. And so when a patient says, "I have this kind of phobia," I really wonder until they've told me enough about them. And often they haven't got a phobia for the thing they say they have. It's an entirely different phobia. Now my students knew that I was not pretending to be omniscient when I had her go to San Francisco in a trance state and walk out on a bridge. I had her do that first. Now she rides over bridges, walks on bridges, and she likes flying. It was written up in a newspaper, "There's a girl who first lived in the air." She took a vacation with her husband, flying to Australia, flying all around to see Australia. She flies to Rome regularly, Europe, Boston, New York, Dallas, everywhere over the United States into Canada, Mexico City. And your important task as a therapist is to know what your patient is talking about. Disc 6 '1 Page 224
And then you treat the patient with hypnosis. Try to parallel a patient's fear to something they don't fear. And draw your parallels. Because if a patient can-who's afraid of crossing a river-can be induced to cross a rail no wider than that, a rail no wider than that, a brook no wider than that, a small creek, and pretty soon they can cross the whole ocean. And people have to learn. How many swimmers can swim only when they can touch bottom with their feet?
STORY2 I Paralleled Her Fear of a Stranger Having Control: Plane Phobia III
Milton Erickson: I know a Girl Scout-a pain in the neck. She knew the sandbars in Lake Michigan. And she'd go out to the sandbar and then swim along the sandbar and she kept to the sandbars where she would always lower her feet and have her head above water. There was a violent storm on the lake. And her brother, who was disgusted with his sister, got up early in the morning and went out and plunged into the lake and tested for the sandbar. The violent storm had shifted the sandbars into new positions. And he awakened his sister and said, "Let's go out swimming." And she said, "Of course I-but don't take me past my favorite sandbar." He says, "I won't." And he took her over to the place of her favorite sandbar, told her to jump in and then he jumped in giving them both a powerful kick to go out of her reach.
And she was swimming all right and he said, "Look how deep the water is." And she sank down, down, down, down. And she reached for the bottom: no sandbar. She went underwater. She couldn't find the sandbar. So she quickly swam for the other Disc 61 Page 226
sandbar. That too was gone. And her brother was swimming around with her, laughing at her, saying, "You said you could swim only when you could put your feet on the ground of the sandbar. I won't tell you where the nearest sandbar is and it's a hell of a long way to shore. Make it on your own." She did, in deep water. After that she could swim anywhere.
Student: Dr. Erickson, getting the-making the girl who urn-was going up in the airplane, who gave you that promise, is that somewhat the same as having Cinnamon Face, like Cinnamon Face getting angry at you for a false reason? Or uh-I'll give you another example of like channeling the-the negative energy of the negative emotions? Milton Erickson: Regarding the airplane, that's a very deadly threat. So I added to the plane another deadly threat. And it was an awfully threatening promise. I just paralleled the threat of a stranger having complete control over her life.
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STORY3 "Neurosis is a Way of Hanging on to Things" Student: Dr. Erickson, I'd like to consult you on a case that urn-she claims she's afraid of almost everything. And this is a 44-year-old woman. Her diagnosis medically is uh-manic depressive. She has gotten cancer twice. Uh-lives with her third daughter and urn-she claims to be afraid of walking in the street, afraid of uh-being left alone, afraid of staying alone in any situation, riding a bus, getting lost and so on. There is an endless list of uh-fears, uh-including physical sickness, going to a doctor, etcetera. Um-I'm seeing her with her daughter. Uhthe daughter is a 16-year-old kid that's uh-she's about to drop out of uh-school. I have the impression that whenever the mother get's better, the daughter get's more depressed. U m-she uses the daughter to accompany her to any place that she needs to go. She lives on Social Security and is afraid of losing that at any time. Afraid of moving. Milton Erickson: In other words, she puts on a good act of being afraid of everything. Student: That's probably correct. Milton Erickson: She puts on a good act of being afraid of being alone. The first thing I do with a patient like that, I'd lead them out in telling all their fears of being alone. Then I'd make them insist that I believe everything they've said. I have a good time getting them to convince me that they were afraid to be alone, that they were afraid of everything, just everything.
Student: You would make her convince you. Milton Erickson: I'd ask her, "So you're afraid of everything. Don't you ever get thirsty? Don't you ever get hungry? You say you're afraid of everything? That includes water? Good food." Student: It doesn't include cigarettes since she smokes everyday. Disc 6 Page 228
Milton Erickson: That includes air. Student: Uh huh. Milton Erickson: "And does your daughter always go to the bathroom with you?" Then I would make her discover, one by one, the times she liked to be alone and things that she didn't like and was not afraid of. Student: Ok. Milton Erickson: And I'd put her in a position of knowing she had exaggerated and misinformed me. And she's going to be-start checking everything she says and she's going to start doubting the all-inclusiveness of her fears. And when she starts doubting those, then you can give her faith in this, in that, until she knows that she likes to be alone at times. And she does like the scenery. She does like the sunlight. She does like quiet at night when she wants to sleep. She does like to sleep. She does like hunger. She does like to go to the bathroom. And you reverse her complete negativism by adulterating it with a great many positive things. And there are so many positive things. She may dislike the color of her eyes, but she liked her eyes. Student: She likes to have eyes. Milton Erickson: Hmmm? Student: She likes to have eyes. Milton Erickson: That's right. And she likes to have two legs. Student: Yeah. She happens to also threaten to go crazy or commit suicide if the daughter would leave her-for instance, if the daughter would go camping for a couple of days. So the daughter is under a very strong guilt about everything she does. Milton Erickson: And I would have her bring her daughter to me and I'd send the daughter out to the next room. Tell the mother, "You're not alone. Your daughter is Disc 6 P;tgc 229
here. And here's a knife. Do you want to commit suicide? I can send your daughter into a further room. Do you want to commit suicide?" Just call her on all of her exaggerated statements until she begins to examine the statements she's about to make. And she'll get cautious and self-critical and start passing judgment.
Student: Start passing what? Milton Erickson: Judgment on the validity of her statements. Student: Mhm. Milton Erickson: And you can start-"Now you know you won't commit suicide, your daughter's in the next room or the room beyond that. You know you won't commit suicide in the first minute your daughter leaves you alone. Not the second minute. Not the third minute. With-if your daughter leaves you alone for 10 minutes, you'll be waiting for her to come back. You'll be waiting after 20 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour, two hours, a day, two days, a week. And you stretch it out. Student: How about her threat of becoming-of making herself crazy and hallucinate? And lose contact with reality? Milton Erickson: I tell patients and psychiatric grades too: Some people can be neurotic. Some people can be politicians. Some people can be priests. Some can be nuns. I know I couldn't be a priest. I know I couldn't be a lawyer. I know I couldn't be a farmer. I couldn't be a champion skater. We all have our own peculiar mental structure. And there are some people who get neurotic, and only neurotic. Be as neurotic, painfully neurotic, but they can't go crazy if their-their structure, their mental structure bends it. And you have to have a certain mental structure to go crazy. Now do you think you can go crazy? Now either you can or you'll have to wait until your arteries harden in your brain. And that's a long wait. You know that you can't make a feeble-minded-a child into an intellectual giant. She hasn't got the mental structure. Anybody can pick a paintbrush and dip it into oil paint and that doesn't make you a painter. You haven't got the right structure, mentally, to become a great painter. Now that's the way it is in life. There are some beautiful women that could never, never in the world become mothers. There are some men who could never become fathers because their personality is such that they can't deal with children. Some men who want a family can't stand the children 'til they're at least 10-years-old. Then he can be a good father. And up to 10 years he doesn't Disc 6 ! Page 230
want anything to do with the brat. Some mothers enjoy having a child a year of age. She doesn't want to give up her daughter. Her daughter is getting older and older and she's trying to hang on.
Student: Two already left and are married. And this is the last one. Milton Erickson: And she's going to keep her baby, despite the passage of year, no matter how neurotic she becomes. And neurosis is a way of hanging on to things you have no right. And I would certainly teach the girl, "Live your own life at your own age. You can't live your mother's life, you're not old enough. Take you a long time. Your mother can't live your life because she's too old."
Student: And she wants to. Milton Erickson: And she wants to. OtherStudent: Do you look upon all neurosis like that, Dr. Erickson? Mzlton Erickson: What's that? Student: All neurosis as some form of hanging on to something you have no right to hang on to? Milton Erickson: Yeah. Student: Is all neurosis like that? Milton Erickson: And many people can be extremely neurotic, but not psychotic. And some psychotics can only develop psychoses. And some feeble-minded as children can become great mathematicians. And feeble-minded of a retard-Idiot Savant-I met one-it'd be hard work for him to find his way across the street. Now if you ask him, "What's the cube root of 6,489,231?" he'd tell you right then. And Railroad Jack at University ofWisconsin made his living in the summers going to the libraries and reading history and dates. And he'd come to the University ofWisconsin, had a
little wagon he lived in. And he challenged students, asking for any historical date. What day of the week was it when Charlemagne was born? You'd think that'd be a very hard question to answer. Railroad Jack would come up with the answer and the students would go to the library and find out. Because if he was right they owed him 25 cents. And he made a very comfortable living by knowing all the dates in history. All about Abraham Lincoln, the first time he split a rail. But we know that Abraham Lincoln was a rail-splitter, but when was the day he split the first rail? Railroad Jack knew. And the students at Wisconsin would gang up on him and try to figure out some question and Railroad Jack always answered their questions correctly. And he said, "Now you can go to the library and see if that isn't right." He made a good living. Student: I wonder how he got the name Railroad?
Mzlton Erickson: I never asked him that question. I was afraid to ask him. I didn't
have enough money to give away 25 cents. Student: When you were speaking about fear-I have a client that is afraid of taking a
job because he's afraid that he'll lose it. And he has a long history of that. He's a graduate of Harvard Business School and uh-he got his first job after that, that was a-a highly-paid job inN ew York City for a commercial bank and he lost that job. Then he got another job that a colleague-a classmate of his hired him for in New York City and the day he got the job his wife left him. And about six months later he-his friend told him to leave the company because he was a problem for the company. And he came here, he got another job for another big corporation making a lot of money. He lasted there about six or seven months as head of the finance department and the boss fired him from that job. Now he hasn't worked for about two-and-a-half years and he just got another job last week and he's gonna start it two weeks from now. Again it's a high-paying job and he's the director of finance for this corporation and he's afraid that they're gonna, in his words, they're gonna get rid of him and toss him aside like all the others have done in the past. Milton Erickson: Now that's the excuse. And I would tell the patient, "You can get a
job and you can hold it. And hold it for a lifetime. The pay is very small and you have to live economically. It's a back-breaking job." And then offer him a job counting grains of sand on a beach and give him barely enough food.
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And soon he'll say, "I don't want that kind of a job." And he'll begin telling you what kind of a job he DID want. I put money in escrow to pay a man for doing a certain job. Now he knew his money was safe, legally his, it was paid out to him at regular intervals as long as he kept that job. I made the job something he'd want to graduate from right away. You turn the scales over for them. And don't believe what patients tell you. And try to restate it in such a fashion and that'll turn over. And a patient says he won't be-doesn't want to be alone at any time. He does want to be alone in the bathroom. He does want to be alone in the bathtub. And you call it all a lie very quickly. And they'll recognize it. "And I don't like anything in this world." "Laurie, I'd like your watch." "But I like my watch." "I thought you said there was nothing in the world you like? Give me your shoes." And you quickly make the patient realize, "What am I being so exaggerated about?"
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STORY4 A Symbolic Act: Jimmy Milton Erickson: I don't think any of you have been here before and heard the story of Jimmy [redacted], the Naval Academy student, have you? Student: No. Milton Erickson: It's the kind of story to tell in an organized fashion. And Jimmy [redacted] was a graduate of the Naval Academy during World War II. Upon graduation he, commissioned 2nd Lieutenant given orders to report in 30 days to a certain destroyer to go on board. And Jimmy got his orders. He had 30 days vacation due him. He went to the National Base for the Head of Psychiatry for the Navy. He explained to the baseman why he couldn't go aboard a destroyer or a war ship. He explained why he had to have a land-based desk job. And the baseman listened sympathetically as Jimmy explained why he "had to have." And the baseman replied, "I understand your problem, but you're in the Navy now. The Navy is giving you your orders and I can't countermand your orders. You have to obey them. You're in the Navy now. The only help I can give you is to order a court-martial. And the court-martial will convict you and send you to Walter Reed Hospital for treatment. That'll make your trouble all the worse. Walter Reed Hospital will transfer you to St. Elizabeth's Hospital and there you will just plain go psychotic or commit suicide. I mean no hope or help for you at St. Elizabeth's. You'll be a prisoner there for life. And considering your problem, you'll undoubtedly commit suicide. There'll be no other way for you. So I advise you to go to Johns Hopkins University and see if you can get some private help. And Johns Hopkins saw him for a history and then said, "We can't help you. And maybe a man in Michigan, Erickson by name, can help you." When Jimmy called up his father he gave his father a bare outline of the problem. The father called me, asked for me to treat his son for a bashful bladder. In other words, Jimmy couldn't urinate in the presence of anybody else. He had to have absolute privacy. The father called me and I said, "I'll be in Philadelphia next week. I want you to come down from Syracuse, New York to Philadelphia and give me the entire story." Disc 6 \ Page 234
And his father showed up at my hotel room. Now here's the digression. The father came in. I recognized that at most he was five feet tall and that he carried himself in an aggressive fashion. And about the first thing the father told me, "I'm five feet tall, had a hell of a job stretching myself to get into the Army for the First World War. And then I had to eat a lot of bananas and drink a lot of milk to meet the weight requirement. I served throughout the World War I and the goddamned Army kept me a buck private. I didn't have the sense to-to be an officer. I had all the qualifications necessary to be an officer. I got discharged from the Army and I made up my mind that ifi ever married and became a father of a boy, that boy would grow up to be a military officer. Since the Army didn't treat me right, my first choice was the Navy. HI couldn't get my boy in the Naval Academy I'd get him into West Point. See I'm a real estate man. I sell real estate and I'm very good at it. I like to sell real estate. I like to put my clients over the barrel and roll every last cent out of them and I'm very good at it. Good salesman, and I can extract the last cent my client has. By the way, shrinks get good money. Why don't you have a decent hotel room?" I said, "Tell me more about Jimmy." He said, "Oh,Jimmy? He's in the Academy all right. Now what kind of a cheapskate are you? I don't see you use your own paper instead of the hotel paper and your own pen. This is a hotel pen taking notes." I said, "Tell me more about Jimmy." "OhJimmy's always been a pain in the neck. In some way when he was in grade school he got the idea in his head that he couldn't urinate in the presence of others. He's a pain in the neck. That's an awful suit of clothes you have on. Can't you afford better clothes? Or are you just a cheap, cheap, cheapskate?" I said, "What about Jimmy?" "Oh we sent Jimmy to the summer camp with the other boys. I learned recendy Disc 6
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from Jimmy he'd waited until sometime after midnight and he'd run away from the camp to find privacy to relieve himself." And bit by bit the story came out. Jimmy rented a hotel room in high school, so he could have privacy in urination. And when Jimmy came home from vacation, the father and mother-he was an only child-he would stop at the gas station to use the public comfort station. And Jimmy had to drive into town and rent a hotel room, pay a day's charge just to empty his bladder. And his father thought of it: "Pure damn foolishness on Jimmy's part." And then he said, "It's getting pretty close to noon. Those cheap clothes you're wearing, cheap shoes. I suppose I'd better buy you a dinner at the hotel dining room. You think you can haul that awkward carcass of yours in the elevator and ride down to the dining room floor?" I told him I thought I could haul my carcass. He was determined to see how many insults he could offer me. When we got to the dining room he said, "This hotel serves lousy food. I know a good restaurant in the middle of the next block. You think you can haul that gimpy carcass of yours down to that restaurant without knocking over some little kid or some old lady or some old man? It must be hell to be as awkward as you are." I told him I thought I could haul my carcass without hurting anybody. It turned out the restaurant he wanted was not on that block. In fact, it was 12 blocks away. And he insulted me for my awkwardness and stinginess, my poor clothes, my poor taste. That man was a vast reservoir of insults. We got to the proper restaurant. He said, "We could eat on the ground floor. I prefer the balcony. Well I'd have to help drag your carcass up the stairway balcony." I assured him, "I could haul my carcass without help up to the balcony." He picked out a table. The waitress was a bit slow in coming. He sat on one side of the table and I on the other. He told me, "This restaurant serves prime food. The best in the East Coast, except they serve half-rotten fish and their mashed potatoes are underdone and watery and they make their iced tea out of river water. And it's a tragedy to have to eat their fish and mashed potatoes and drink their iced tea." A waitress came with a menu. He waved her to me. I placed an order for roast Disc 6 ' Page 236 1
prime rib of beef, baked potato, sour cream and chives, hot coffee. I've forgotten what else. And she went over and presented him with the menu. And my host said, "Cancel that order. Bring him fish, mashed potatoes, iced tea." The waitress looked over at me, but my face was blank. And after awhile she came bearing two trays, looking from one to the other of us. As she got nearer the table I said, "Give me what I ordered and give the fish to the gentleman that ordered it." She put down the trays hurriedly and scuttled away. And Mr. [redacted] looks at me and says, "That's the first time anybody ever did that tome." So I told him quietly, "There's always a first time for everything." And he ate his rotten fish, his baked-uh his mashed potatoes and I enjoyed my meal. At the end of the meal he said, "You had the stuff you wanted to eat, you pay for the dinner." I said, "You invited me. I accepted your invitation. That makes you the host and you will pay for it." He looked at me in disgust and took out a Texas Wallet. In case you don't know what a Texas Wallet is, the Texans who can afford it, you can have a thousand dollar bill, a couple five-hundred dollar bills, some hundred dollar bills, fifty dollar bills, twenty dollar bills, ten dollar bills, five dollar bills. And for change, they have it loose in their pocket. He hauled out his Texas Wallet, opened it and looked it over carefully. And he peeled off the exact number of bills required, reached in his pocket, got out exact change and he said, "At least you can pay the tip." I said, "The host pays the tip." So he left a nickel. He didn't see me slip a decent tip under the table. Anyone who knows me knows I didn't have to haul my carcass down the stairway.
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And all12 blocks back he told me, "Avoid knocking that woman down." Told me to avoid stumbling over that child, that old man. He was very, very critical of everything. He didn't like my haircut. He didn't like my mustache. He just didn't like anything about me. We went into the room. I took some more interest in Jimmy-as many details as he could give. He wanted to know if there was something wrong with my memory, that I had to write it down on paper. I could not remember. He could. And that I was probably incompetent. Finally I dismissed him and told him to have Jimmy see me at my house in Michigan at six p.m. on Monday. So I prepared for Jimmy's visit. I had a medical student-all medical students who'd passed the examination were in the Army. The Army was paying their way through medical school. That meant they would have to serve in the Army even after the war to pay for being accepted to medical school. I had a six-foot-six medical student in uniform and I had a professor of art, University of Michigan. And Jimmy looks in my office from the hall-down the hallway-and said, "So you're the big shot that's going to cure me." And I said, "I'm the psychiatrist who's going to do therapy with you. Come in and shut the door." And Jimmy saw medical students standing there. And he said, "What's that long drink of nothing doing here?" I said, "He's a medical student. He's going to assist me."
"What kind of shrink are you that you depend on a medical student?" I said, "A very accomplished one." And he noticed the art professor and he said, "What's that bozo there with the cookie duster?" I said, "The gendeman with the mustache is the professor of art at University of Michigan. He too is going to assist you in therapy." Disc 6 ! Pai':c 238
"Well what kind of a psychiatrist are you that you'd depend on an art professor and medical student?" And I said, "You'll find me very competent. Sit. Close the door and sit down." And Jimmy with a hostile look at the medical student and the art professor and me, closed the door and sat down. And I turned to the medical student and said, "Jerry, go into a trance." And Jerry was an excellent subject. He could do anything that you asked of him. I put Jerry through all his paces including automatic writing, hallucinating, drawing and recalling infantile experiences. And while Jerry was still in trance, I put the professor in a trance. Told the professor, "You're in a deep trance and only Jimmy and I are here. And there's nothing else." And then I awakened Jerry. Jerry didn't know the professor was in a trance. The professor and I were talking to Jimmy, to each other, and Jerry tried to butt in only to find the professor asking a question at the same time. I answered the professor and Jimmy was curious and he asked us something exactly at the moment when Jerry tried to speak to me. And Jerry didn't hear uh-none of it. Jimmy and I and the professor were in contact but he knew the professor wasn't there. And as far as he knew, Jerry wasn't there. And Jerry awakened from posthypnotic amnesia before-before the professor. A very confusing thing. And all of a sudden, Jerry said, "Dr. Beckidge is here." I said, "Yes, only you can't see him. It's all right to see him now." I told the professor to act as if he were wide awake and he seemed to be wide awake to Jimmy. I used the professor to demonstrate a lot of hypnotic phenomena and spent the whole evening displaying hypnotic phenomena. How you could play around with the minds. And then I dismissed Jimmy to go to the-he tried to go to the hotel where he was staying. The next night with us they weren't there where Jerry was. So I put Jimmy in a trance. And I gave him a post-hypnotic suggestion, "After you awaken you'll absentmindedly pick up the pencil on the table beside you and you'll draw a picture on that pad of paper." And while Jerry and Jimmy and I were talking about Michigan and the war, Jimmy's hand absentmindedly wandered over, picked up the Disc 6'
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pencil and drew a picture of a man on the paper: a round circle for the head, straight lines for the neck and body, made lines for the arms and legs and circles for the hands and feet. An extremely childish picture. And then he printed under it the word "Father." Jerry and I were busy conversing, watchingJimmy out of our peripheral vision. And Jimmy absentmindedly tore off that sheet, folded it, folded it again and then puts it into his blouse pocket. And after Jerry and I resumed conversation we included Jimmy, we wanted to know about the Academy and things. And Jimmy had a lot to tell us. At the Academy he had to make a table of the various lavatories in the Academy and the times when he could find them vacant. There were three lavatories in particular. One was likely to be free of anybody entering at one o'clock in the morning. The other would not be likely to be entered by anybody at two a.m., the third at three a.m. And he couldn't use his dormitory lavatory. He had to elude detection when the Naval Academy checks up on the dormitory regularly. And he would sneak off to one of those lavatories. If number one was occupied, he had to wait until the two o'clock for number two and might then have to wait until number three. If number three have-may have uhbeen occupied he had to go back to number one. He lost a lot of sleep and did a lot of worrying for fear that the nightly checkup would discover he was missing. And that would be bad. And all through the Academy Jimmy and urination were one awful problem. And there was another terrible problem. For public relationships the cadets were required to accept invitations to private families for the weekend. And a cadet would be picked up Friday evening. And in Jimmy's instance-and the hostesses had the best of intentions. And they're at you all the time, "Coffee, tea, or milk? Or Coca-Cola, Pepsi-Cola, or wine?" And kept you drinking. And you had no place to go because you're in a strange territory. And the next day it's more coffee, tea or milk or Pepsi-Cola or Cola or 7-Up or orangeade or something. And they fed you very nicely. You just had to hold back as your stomach would get larger and larger as it filled your bladder full with urine all day Sunday. And when you returned to the Academy you had to wait until one or two or three o'clock in the morning to relieve yourself. And the weekends were just plain hell. And you can imagine how painful they were. And Jimmy wanted to get through the Academy. That had been drilled into him since his early childhood. And then of course when he graduated he was given commission as Second Lieutenant and assigned to a destroyer. There would be no privacy of any kind. Even the lavatory for officers or for enlisted even by the seamen. No privacy onboard a destroyer or any kind of a ship. And so Jimmy hoped to get a land job where he could make for his own privacy. And Dr. Bryceman knew he couldn't change orders. Now the court-martial would find Jimmy physically unable, send him to Walter Disc 6 i Paii:c 240
Reed Hospital for a physical checkup. And there would be all the nurses and doctors and the interns and other patients. There'd be no privacy. And when he got worse there, they'd send him to Walter Reed Hospital, calling him mentally ill. And there he'd have still less privacy. So, after I got all the details, and Jimmy said it started when he was in grade school, he didn't know how or why. And I tested it by having Jerry go to the lavatory repeatedly. I went repeatedly. But Jimmy couldn't go with either of us-and to a strange lavatory, he didn't dare to enter it. There might be somebody. And he explained, "If you were in the lavatory and you heard steps or the sound of someone else coming down the corridor," he'd hear a thunderclap in his head. It just filled his head and he'd freeze and it might be an hour before he could move. And that was awful. And sometimes he'd be caught by a fellow cadet and froze for an hour. And thus was late to his classes and had marks against him. He had to be safe. So, as we were talking on Thursday-and I was just getting information, getting acquainted with Jimmy's personality-and Jimmy suddenly looked out the window and said, "Is it raining out there? Is that a drop of water running down the window pane?" There wasn't a cloud in the sky, no water. And I knew a symbolic remark when I heard it. And I knew I couldn't analyze it then. I was only sure it wasn't raining, no water running down the window pane. And oh, oh yes-after Tuesday when he'd drawn the picture, on Wednesday as Jimmy entered the office he blushed. I said, "How did you sleep last night, Jimmy?" He said, "Fine." I said, "Anything unusual happen?" He said, "Nothing at all." He blushed again. And I said, "Jimmy, you're blushing. I only asked you if you slept all right. If anything happened you blushed. And you blushed when you came in the office. There has to be some reason for that. Tell it to me." And he said, "Nothing happened at all. I just went to bed, went to sleep." And he Disc 6 P3c:c 241
blushed some more. "Now Jimmy that's not the truth. I want to know exactly what happened." Jimmy said, "Well when I undressed to go to bed, I found a wad of paper in my coat pocket. I know I didn't put it there. I threw it in the wastebasket." He blushed agam. I said, "Jimmy, you're blushing so I know you didn't throw it in the wastebasket. Now tell me what you did with it." "Do I have to?" I said, "You certainly do." And he told me, "I unfolded it. On one side I had found a very childish picture of a man." He described the picture accurately and he said, "And the word 'Father' was printed on it. I looked at it. I wondered how he got in my pocket and threw it in the wastebasket." He blushed again. I said, "Jimmy, that isn't the truth. You're blushing again. What did you do with that paper?" He said, "All right. I put it in the commode, picture side up and I urinated on it. I flushed it down the toilet." Another symbolic act. And, when I had heard that symbolic remark I'd cautioned Jerry, "Ifi say anything out of the way, unexpected, not in keeping with the situation, you follow it up." And after the Thursday when he asked about the rain, I said, "Jerry, what are you going to do this weekend?" And he said, "I think I'll take the weekend off and go up to Northern Michigan and canoe down the Ausable River. I've done it before and it's fun running those rapids in a canoe."
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And I turned to Jimmy and said, "Well, since Jerry isn't going to be here this weekend, what would you like to do?" And Jimmy said, "I'd like to go back to Syracuse and visit my mother." And I said, "Well, what would you do visiting your mother?" He said, "I'll mow the lawn if it doesn't rain." Now that's a very peculiar statement to make. I said, "That's fine then come in next Monday." I telephoned his father, told him what train to catch. And he comes in Detroit. I didn't want Jimmy to meet him so I saw to it that they'd pass each other on different trains. The father came out. He said, "This is a no-account office for somebody who considers themselves a big shrink." I said, "It's my office, come in." He looks around, there was Jerry, the art professor and my secretary. And Mr. [redacted] said, "What's that gray-haired bitch doing here?" I said, "The lady's my secretary. She's taking down in shorthand everything you say, I say or what anybody else says." "Well do we have to have an old gray-haired bitch in here?" I said, "She's working overtime. She's in connection with your son's case, so we have to have her here." And he saw Jerry, "What's that long drawn-out string of nothing doing here?" I said, "This is Jerry. He's a medical student. He's helping you work with your son."
"What in hell kind of a shrink are you that you depend on a medical student? And why do you have to have an old gray-haired bitch for a secretary?" I said, "My secretary, a young woman, she's prematurely gray. It's none of your business. And jerry is a very competent and brilliant medical student. And I'm in charge of the case so he's in on the case with me." And he said, "Who's that bozo over there with the soup strainer?" I said, "That gentleman with the mustache is a professor of art at the University of Michigan." "What in the hell is he doing here? Aren't medical consultations confidential?" I said, "They are and I've got plenty of help to keep the consultation confidential." He said, "All right now, what next?" And I said, "Our secretary is working overtime on behalf of your son. She needs to be paid." He said, "Why should I pay her? She's your secretary." I said, "She's working overtime on your son's case. And you are going to pay her." And he said, "Oh, all right." He hauled out his Texas Wallet and said, "How about a dollar?" I said, "Don't be ridiculous." "You mean to say I've got to pay her more than a dollar?" I said, "You certainly do."
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He said, "All right, how about five dollars?" I said, "I told you before not to be ridiculous." He said, "You mean I've got to pay her ten dollars?" I said, "You're being ridiculous but you are approaching the figure." He said, "Fifteen dollars?" I said, "Let's cut out the nonsense. You owe her thirty dollars." So he-so he takes his wallet out. He hauled out a five, a ten, a twenty, and some dollar bills, hands them to her. She wrote up a receipt, thanked him, bid him good night and left. He said, "What are these two bums hanging around for?" I said, "They too are working with me and your son and I expect you to pay them." "You expect me to pay them? You hired them, did you?" I said, "That's right. And you're going to pay them." "Well I think I can take lessons from you in rolling clients over the barrel in search of money. All right I'll give them thirty dollars." I said, "Don't be ridiculous. You pay them each seventy-five dollars." He said, "Now I know I can take lessons from you in extracting money." I said, "The worst is yet to come." And he paid them seventy-five dollars apiece. And they wrote a receipt, thanked him, bid him good night and left. He said, "So now you want to be paid. I suppose you want a hundred dollars." Disc 6 P:
I said, "Don't be ridiculous." "Five hundred dollars?" I said, "Don't talk like an idiot. My fee is fifteen hundred dollars cash and I want it now." He said, "I am convinced you could teach me how to extract money from a stone heap. All right." He peeled off three five-hundred dollar bills, handed them to me. I wrote out a receipt, thanked him. And he said, "Anything else?" I said, "Yes, we're only halfway done. You bragged to me that you like to roll people over the barrel, get every last cent. You also told me you like to drink beer. And that on Saturdays and Sundays you didn't work, you just drank beer and got drunk. You told me that your wife was a sniveling woman who attended church every Sunday instead of staying home like a good wife and getting drunk on beer. And your wife and Jimmy have both protested your consumption of beer. We've got that matter to settle." "You think you're pretty comprehensive aren't you?" I said, "I try to be. And now write a pay-on-demand note for one-thousand dollars. And the first time you get drunk I have the privilege of cashing that check, that note. And in addition I've got this to say to you: I'm not asking you to stop drinking beer. You can have four glasses of beer a day, that's all." He said, "Oh I don't mind that." I said, "That's what you say. I said four glasses and I meant four eight-ounce glasses. Not the gallon or two jugs that you'd convert into glasses." He said, "So you thought of that too?"
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I said, "I try to be comprehensive in thinking." So he gave me a pay-on-demand note for a thousand dollars. And I told him he could then leave in a certain hour. I knew he'd pass Jimmy on the way to Syracuse. I didn't want the two to meet. And Jerry was there the next Monday and Jimmy walked in blushing very deeply. I-I asked Jerry how he enjoyed canoeing down the Ausable River. He gave an enthusiastic account And after a few more questions said, "I myself knew of the Ausable River." I turned to Jimmy, "And how did you enjoy your visit with mother?" He said, "I really enjoyed it. My father wasn't at home. He was on a trip somewhere." I said, "Yes, I know. Now what did you do when you went home?" He said, "I mowed the lawn. It didn't rain." He blushed very deeply. I said, "Jimmy? The other day you raised the question of rain and water running down the window pane. And then, last Friday you said you'd like to go home and visit your mother and mow the lawn if it didn't rain. You visited your mother in your father's absence and you tell me you mowed the lawn and it didn't rain. Now Jimmy tell me all the rest of the story and I mean all the rest." Jimmy blushed very deeply and said, "We have a garage. It faces the houses on the other side of the street. The whole front of the garage is a door that slides up and the neighbors across the street can look in the garage and see everything that happens. And I mowed the lawn and it didn't rain. I put the mower back in the garage where it's usually kept. It's a fairly new mower. And I got urn-an embarrassing impulse. I urinated on the mower." I said, "All right A repressed memory." He said, "I remember that when I was a little kid, out in the garage, I saw a new mower there. I was just a little kid. So I peed on it. The door was open and I didn't
hear mama's feet coming in the garage. She saw what I was doing so she boxed my ears. It was just like hearing a thunder clap. And she put her hand over my mouth and dragged me into the house. And she lectured me thoroughly. And I promptly forgot about that day. All I knew is that thereafter when I wanted to urinate I had to wait until my father had gone to the office and mother was busy in the kitchen. And I'd go to the third floor of the house and urinate in the sink, so there'd be no noise at all. And then when I went to camp I had to have privacy. And I've had to have privacy ever since." Now Jimmy was in uniform, Jerry was in uniform. I asked Jerry to coach me on proper language. So I said, "Attention men! Close ranks. About face. March. Halt. Left face. March. Halt. Take a deep drink at the water fountain and march again to the lavatory and take a good piss. About face. March. Return to the office. Halt at the water fountain. Take a good deep drink. March into the office. At ease gentlemen. Take a seat, be comfortable." I tied in his infantile prohibition with his military experience and he obeyed orders. We were talking along and Jimmy told me how much he loved his mother, how much he liked his father in a curious way. He knew his father meant well, he knew his father loved his mother, he had an unkind way in dealing with her. His mother belonged to the Woman's Christian Union Temperance Union; was dead against alcohol, which I already knew. And I explained to Jim~y how I'd charged his father for my secretary, and for Jerry, and the art professor. And made his father pay his fee and that I made a pay-on-demand note. And the father left the office and left Detroit for Syracuse in accordance with my orders. He missed seeing Jimmy. And this was in July. Jimmy had two weeks still left for vacation. And in January, New Year's Day, the father called me from New York City and said, "I'm drunker than a hoot owl. Cash that goddamned pay-on-demand note." I said, "Mr. [redacted], when you gave me that note I told you I had the privilege of cashing it. It's the first time you got drunk. Well I don't care to exercise that privilege just yet." And he said, "Goddamn your lousy hide." Shortly thereafter he began going to church with his wife. Within a few months he'd sworn off beer entirely, he stopped rolling his customers for every cent they had, became a moral, agreeable, and good member of society.
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After the war Jimmy joined, well-during the war Jimmy was assigned from the destroyer to a warship. And Jimmy was on board the warship on which Japan surrendered and Jimmy was there watching the ceremonies. After the war Jimmy joined the Naval Air Force and some years later was killed in an air crash. Thirty-five years later I was returning from a lecture trip in the East and because of a blizzard I was grounded in Syracuse and got to the hotel at nine o'clock. I knew the first available plane would be the next morning at four o'clock. And I called up Mr. [redacted]. He greeted me cordially, said Mrs. [redacted] was at church, wouldn't I please spend the night with them? I explained how my early airport time was inconvenient and had a long pleasant chat. Mr. [redacted], he asked me, "Whatever did become of that pay-on-demand note?" I said-I explained that to Jimmy, I gave it to him, told him to hold it for a while and then at his own convenience to burn it. And you were sent Jimmy's affects after Jimmy was killed and you didn't find the note, so it was burned." When Mrs. [redacted] got back from church she called my hotel, had a very pleasant chat. Her husband had become a church-going citizen, a teetotaler, and interested in the community, community services. And there I did therapy involving three people and the community. I saw Jimmy. I did see the father in a most unpleasant way.
Student: Are you in a trance now, Dr. Erickson? Milton Erickson: Hmmm? Student: Are you in a trance now? Milton Erickson: Well I have been, repeatedly, in and out. Student: During the story? Milton Erickson: Mhm. And once you use hypnosis extensively you get so used to it that you can go into a trance and it takes somebody with experience to detect that you're in a trance. And my patients don't realize it, but they respond to that altered tempo and altered breathing and altered movement and begin to copy it. And my youngest daughter, less than a year old, heightened like she was still sitting in her bouncy chair, was playing with her blocks on the tray, sitting in the middle of the Disc 6
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dining room. I was sitting on a couch behind her, looking at her, watching her play. And then I thought, here's a nice experimental situation. I watched her shoulder movements as she breathed and then I purposely started breathing in the same rhythm. All of a sudden she turned around and said, "Top that Daddy[" She had noticed I was breathing at the same rate she was.
Now a little girl under one year of age had noticed it. Adults who are used to overlooking everything consciously, they too can notice it. Only they overlook their noticing of it.
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STORY5 "Maybe Your Unconscious Knows That You're Not Really Sincere" Student: I'd like to ask you a question about urn-treatment of people that are not so motivated to get well or to uh-for instance people that have been through therapy before and are disappointed about it and don't have hope. Milton Erickson: I've had patients who have been in psychoanalytic therapy five times a week for five years. They've tried other therapists for varying periods of time. They come to me and tell me about all their failures, all their endeavors, and I say, "Your long account of such extended therapy and your failure to achieve therapy, you had enough time to achieve it. I wonder about your sincerity. You may be consciously sincere but unconsciously-and you don't really know what your unconscious mind is doing or thinking as far as unconscious behavior. And maybe your unconscious knows that you're not really sincere, you just believe you're sincere. So I'll give you a chance to prove your sincerity." One woman called me and said, "I'm fifty-two years old. I get as much pay as my husband. He's a university professor. I work at a mental health clinic and my salary is as large as my husband's. Our daughter is twenty years old and our son is nineteen years old. And I smoke too much. And when you can give me help-because I can't seem to quit smoking. I've tried a lot of other therapists. It's been a failure." I said, "Madam, when a woman your age calls me and tells me she wants to have help quitting smoking, a lot of such people are insincere. And I will want a test of your sincerity. You'll climb Squaw Peak every morning for a week at sunrise. She called me on Saturday. And the next Saturday she could climb Squaw Peak every morning at sunrise. "Come in and see me." She came in and said, "After I climbed Squaw Peak once I became determined to include that in my daily life. Oh I've enjoyed climbing Squaw Peak at sunrise every morning for all week and I'm going to keep right on." Disc 6
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I said, "All right. So far you've expressed your sincerity about needing help quitting smoking. Now for the second test. Open your handbag and show me how many packages of cigarettes you have there." She blushed and took out a package and a half and put them on my desk. "I'll leave them there on my desk for three weeks. Now you can reclaim them any time you want to, but after three weeks I'll throw them in my compost heap." And she took out the cigarettes, put them on my desk, closed her handbag. I said, "There's still one more test of your sincerity. Open your handbag again. How about your cigarette lighter and matches?" She said, "I haven't got a lighter, but I have matches." And she hauled them out and put them on the desk. And she said, "Should I go home and get the rest of my cigarettes and matches?" I said, "That's entirely your own idea. That sounds like a good idea to me." So she left, returning quite some time later with a little over a carton of cigarettes and a lot of matches and put them on my desk. And I said to her, "Your hour has expired. Do you want to pay me by cash or check?" She paid me by check. I like to do that with patients: demand payment at the end of each hour by paying by cash or check. That way I prevent them from building up a great big bill to worry about and they pay promptly. And they go home knowing that they have paid for something and darn well bet-better get something out of spending all that money. And the next Saturday she came in and then said, "Last night I asked my husband to type a letter to me, uh-for me. He's published a book and he's an excellent typist and I can't typewrite at all. I asked him to type a short letter for me. He said, 'It's late, it's bedtime. I'm going to bed.' He undressed, got into his pajamas, got into bed. I told him, 'Listen, I want that letter tonight.' He said, 'Act your age. I'm going to sleep.' He turned over and that made me mad.
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I grabbed the covers and hauled them back and said, 'I want that letter tonight.' He said, 'I'll type it for you in the morning.' He pulled the covers up, rolled over on his side and shut his eyes. And it really angered me. I grabbed the covers and hauled them down, grabbed him by the ankles and hauled him out of bed and said, 'I want that letter typed tonight.' He went in the study, he typed it, handed me the letter and went back to bed. I read the letter and I told him, 'It's not humanly possible to make that number of errors in such a short letter unless you do it intentionally. Now get out of bed. I want a perfectly-typed letter.' He said, 'It's bedtime. I'm going to sleep.' I grabbed the covers and yanked them down and he hopped out of bed and went in the study, slamming the door behind him. So I opened the study door and said, 'So you passed a new law that doors can be slammed in the house. All right! You slammed it the first time. I'll slam it the second time.' After a while he came out with a letter-perfect letter for me. Not a single mistake in it. He went to bed. I read the letter. It was exactly what I wanted. I went to bed. And there's another thing: my husband considers himself a scholar. He likes quiet in the house. Our two children have always had to go to a neighbor's to play. He couldn't stand the noise they made. They grew up always having to go to a friend's house to play their records. And you just simply couldn't slam a door, he couldn't endure that. And so we've all lived on our tip-toes. And another thing: before we were married my husband explained to me that he liked gourmet cooking and he insisted on my learning gourmet cooking. And he promised me before our marriage that he would take turns every other week doing gourmet cooking. And when the children were small, of course, I had to take care of them and fix their breakfast, send them off to school. After they got old enough they had their breakfast at a restaurant on the way to school and their lunch at a restaurant. And the family only has evening meals at home and I cook them. His turn to cook for a week has not yet come up. And I cook gourmet-gourmet meals for him every night of the week. And he has never volunteered to do anything. And I've hinted more than once. He ignores me. In the end you might say he's the master of the house. And I don't like it. I think he should help me cook. I make as much money as he does."
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I said, "Well I think since this is Saturday that you should spend Sunday preparing the evening meal, gourmet style, as has been your habit. And break the news to him gently. And next week beginning Monday, he'll do the cooking." She said, "That won't do any good ...
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J~·~.
Milton H. Erickson, M.D. and Jane Parsons-Fein LCSW, BCD, DAHB
