Human Lie Detection and Body Language 101 Your Guide to Reading People’s Nonverbal Behavior By Vanessa aness a Van Van Edwards Edwa rds Please visit the ScienceofPeople.org for free video and article guides in addition to this book. © 2013 Vanessa Van Edwards. All rights re served. ISBN 978-1482040234 Table of Contents Introduction: Who Is This Book For? The Good News: Do You Really Want to Know? A Word of Caution What to Expect About Me:
Chapter 1: Baselining How to Baseline: The Importance of Rapport
Chapter 2: Microexpressions and the Face Microexpressions: Eyes More About Head Behavior A Lying Face
Chapter 3: Body Language Feet Legs Torso Arm Behavior Hand Behavior Body Proxemics
Chapter 4: Vocal Displays, Voice Tone and Language Patterns Verbal Clues to Deception Voice Tone and Bonding
Chapter 5: Clues to Behavior Most Common Lying Gestures How We React to Our Own Lies
Meanings of Other Everyday Gestures How to Get Someone to Tell You More: How to Get Someone to Confess:
Chapter 6: Your Nonverbal Behavior Your Nonverbal Behavior Why You Shouldn’t Lie How to Make A Great First Impression
Chapter 7: Special Areas Interactions Between Men and Wom Women: en: Dating, Romance and Love Business Body Language and Nonverbal Behavior
Conclusion and Other Resources: Appendix 1: Interview Tips Appendix 2: Microexpressions Microexpressions Appendix 3: Lance Armstrong 1. The Confession: 2. Why Now? 3. Doping Scheme 4. Anger and Holding Back 5. Suing Shame 6. Contempt At Recklessness
Appendix 4: Colors Appendix 5: The Best Websites Websites on Human Lie Detection Citations Notes:
Introduction: Have you ever thought someone was telling you a lie? Your intuition was probably right—on average people tell two to three lies in a ten-minute conversation. Even more frightening, 91% of people lie regularly at home and work. But we can detect these lies only about half of the time—no better than a coin toss. Learning how to decode and interpret nonverbal behavior such as facial expressions, gestures, physical movements and vocal tone is an integral part of communication. As much as 93% of interpersonal communication is nonverbal, yet we often base all of our interactions on verbal content alone.
By using the latest scientific techniques summarized in this book, you will no longer doubt yourself or wonder helplessly if the person you are with is trying to deceive you. Research has shown you can significantly improve your lie spotting and people reading ability by learning how to read nonverbal behavior. behavior.
All of the tips, cues and clues in this book are based on academic research. For a full list of my sources, you can see my citation section. Who Is This Book For?
Whether you are a teacher, businessman, police officer, husband, gardener or mother, this book is for you. If you have ever interacted with another person, this book can change the way you communicate with others.
Interesting Fact: Extroverts lie more than introverts. Everyone should know more than 82% of lies go undetected.
Businesses should know corporate fraud cost us $997 billion in the United States in 2011, which is 7% of total annual revenue. Parents should know college students lie to their moms one in every five interactions. Human resource professionals and entrepreneurs should know a third of all resumes contain false information. Managers should know one in five employees say they are aware of fraud in their workplace. Women should know men typically lie more often than females. The Good News: Lying is learned, so we can unlearn it.
To test this fact, researchers left three year-olds in a room and told them not to peek at a concealed toy across the room. 90% of the children looked and when asked, 38% admitted that they broke the rules. When researchers did the same experiment with five yearolds none of them admitted they broke the rules after peeking at the forbidden toy. Older children had learned, even at the young age of five, that they could get in trouble for
telling the truth and decided to lie instead. Lie spotting is about getting back to truth. This book is not about teaching you to pick people’s behavior apart or point fingers at liars. It is about arming you with scientific principles to help you have more honest interactions, better communication and more trustworthy relationships. Interesting Fact: Researchers found that combining deception deception detecting techniques with background checks can reveal 32% more cases of past job dismissals, 60% more criminal convictions and 82% more cases of alcohol abuse during work hours.
Our brain is much more adept at spotting lies than we realize. When our brain picks up on a lie subconsciously we often have what we call, an intuition, that something is wrong, but we are not sure what. The tools in this book will help you bring that subconscious realization forward so you know exactly what you are seeing. In one study, researchers had participants view 30 seconds of a mute video where a new professor was talking to his students. Just after that 30 second silent clip, the participants were able to correctly predict how well the teachers would do in their global evaluations at the end of the semester—just from a 30 second clip! Even when the researchers shortened the clip to two seconds, participants were still able to predict how the teacher would do in their evaluations at the end of the semester. Our brains are incredibly accurate. Some people, nicknamed truth wizards, are able to naturally spot detection with incredible accuracy. Research from University of California found that 20 to 30% of these truth wizards had traumatic childhoods involving alcohol, an unstable home life, sexual, or emotional or physical abuse. Researchers in this study hypothesized that it was very important for these children to be able to read the adults around them in the unstable situations because their safety, and sometimes their life, depended on it. Our brains develop the ability to spot lies and hidden emotions as a way of selfprotection. So, we are working with tools that our brain already knows, we just have to bring them forward.
Do You Really Want to Know?
When I tell people I am a behavioral investigator and write about human behavior—with an emphasis on human lie detection, there is a question I always get: Is human lie detection a blessing or a curse? It is a blessing to know when people are lying to you, but can feel like a curse when someone you thought you could trust turns out to be dishonest. In the end, I would always rather know the hard truth than be ignorantly blissful. This might not be the case for everyone. Before diving into this book, you have to ask yourself: Are you prepared to see the hidden emotions in the people around you? You might not always like the emotions or lies you see. Interesting Fact: Since 1991, lifetime lifetime infidelity among men over aged 60 has doubled. Among women it has tripled.
A Word of Caution
The purpose of this book is not to turn you into a suspicious person. Quite the opposite, by arming yourself with the right tools, you can feel more confident to relax around people and trust that you know lies when you see them instead of being suspicious of everyone and every action happening around you. In fact, being overly suspicious will not serve you well. Research shows that people who score higher on measures of trust also spot lies better. That means it is better to be trusting and open-minded because suspicious people don’t catch liars and falsely accuse more often. Interesting Fact: 80% of lies go undetected. undetected. What to Expect
Learning to decode human behavior will completely change the way you interact and listen to others. If you choose to use the principles in this book you will start to notice nuances to communication and aspects of people you did not see before.
True emotions that you had missed will now seem painfully obvious. It will be like watching people around you in High Definition. Facial expressions you never noticed will become clear, body language red flags will jump to your attention and voice tone discrepancies will sound like sirens in your head. You have to be ready for these changes. And be ready to be surprised. If you decide to dive deep into the world of body language sleuthing, people hacking and lie spotting then this book is your step-by-step guide. The tips in this book are based on the latest scientifically backed research on deception detection and nonverbal behavior. I will start with the principle of base lining, which is the first step to reading and decoding others. Chapter 2 is all about understanding the face—this is where we first look during person-to-person interactions and therefore a great place to start. In Chapter 3, I will go through different types of body language clues before reviewing voice tone and verbal clues to deceit in Chapter 4. In Chapter 5, I will explain the art of lie detection through body language red flags and clusters of body language leaks. In Chapter 6, I take a break from observing other people’s Nonverbal behavior and help readers think about their own body language clues. I will provide special nonverbal behavior patterns for entrepreneurs, daters, speakers and human resource professionals in Chapter 7. Interesting Fact: Adults lie in about one in five social interactions. College students lie in one in three social interactions.
About Me:
I have always been fascinated by people and what drives their behavior. As a behavioral investigator and author I am a research junkie. I love curating the latest scientific findings and translating them into bite-sized science that can be used in every day life. In my columns for Forbes, CNN and the Huffington Post I often apply groundbreaking studies to modern day business and social trends.
My website, ScienceOfPeople.org has an in depth selection of free articles, videos and tutorials for my readers and fellow body language detectives. I have a number of ebooks specifically written for the needs of entrepreneurs, human resource managers, actors, parents, sales teams, doctors and other business professionals.
Chapter 1: Baselining The first and most important step to human lie detection is baselining. A baseline is how someone acts when they are under normal, nonthreatening conditions. It is how someone looks when they are telling the truth.
The truth needs to represent fact or reality. A lie is when someone makes a false statement with the intent to deceive. Before we can pinpoint lies, we must be able to recognize truth. Interesting Fact: About 20 % of men and 15% of women under the age of 35 have cheated on their partner. It is even higher for people aged 18 to 25, with 30% of partners having cheated.
When you want to better read a person’s emotions or spot when they lie, you will need to find their baseline, or notice how they look, sound, act and behave when they are telling the truth. For this book we will call the person you are trying to read “the subject.” How to Baseline:
Step One: Neutral Topics, Neutral Context In order to see how your subject behaves when being honest you want to discuss neutral topics. This is typically very easy when you just meet someone at a party, meeting or job interview. Start with a few non-threatening questions your subject would have no reason to lie about, like the weather, their name or their plans for the weekend. Anything that qualifies as small talk is usually safe. Step Two: Look for Physical Behavior
While talking to the subject about neutral topics, take note of their physical behavior and characteristics. Here are the areas to which you should pay attention: -How do they hold their body? -What is their posture like? -Do they fidget? -What are their hand gestures? -Are their legs crossed? How are they sitting? -Do they blink a lot or have a nervous tick? -What are their facial expressions? Step Three: Listen for Verbal Behavior You also can listen for baseline behavior. Ask yourself the following questions: -Is their voice high or low? -Do they laugh easily and what does it sound like? -Do they clear their throat or cough? -Do they naturally use a lot of ‘uhs’ or ‘ums’? Step Four: How Do They Express? If possible, it is very helpful to see how someone looks when they are excited. After asking a few neutral questions, I will often ask my subject about their passions or hobbies. In this way, you can see how they express themselves when they are telling the truth. For example a job interviewer might notice someone’s Dallas Cowboys key chain and ask if they are a fan. As the subject talks about her favorite team, her face might light up and her hands might become animated and expressive. Later the interviewer could pay attention to how the subject describes a favorite work project and see if the behavior is similar. Interesting Fact: 66% to 80% percent of college students admit to having cheated at some point in their schooling.
Step Five: Dig Deeper After some easy banter, you should have a feeling for how the person acts, sounds and behaves when they tell the truth. Now you are ready to ask some deeper questions—whether those are the tough questions in an interview, the important questions on a date
or the curious question of a parent. The following chapters will explain in more detail what else to look for once you have found someone’s baseline. Remember, the more open-ended the question, the more material you will have to analyze. For example it is better to ask, “What are you doing this weekend?” which usually requires a more than one word answer. Instead of “Are you going to the game this weekend?” Step Six: Clusters and Red Flags There is no behavioral smoking gun that means a subject is lying. Even an obvious difference in behavior from the baseline is not enough to confirm someone is lying by itself. There are clues however. Every time a subject deviates from the baseline constitutes a ‘red flag’ --- or something of which you should be aware. Red flags also appear when you spot a hidden emotion (which you will learn in the following chapters). My rule of thumb is to take notice when I spot three red flags in one response. If you see a cluster of odd behaviors or changes in baselines you know you have stumbled upon a touchy topic or a lie—either one warrants further investigation later in the conversation. Optional: Get a Nervous Baseline One of the biggest confusions lie spotters face is separating lies from nerves. This is why the context of the situation is very important. If a subject is on a job interview you might assume they are probably nervous, even when they are answering neutral questions. If you ask someone a tough or sensitive question, they might be nervous because the subject is difficult for them to discuss -- even if they are telling the truth. If you are trying to decode a subject when discussing difficult topics or in a tense situation, you need to be sure to get their ‘nervous baseline.’ This is how the subject looks when they are nervous, but still telling the truth. This is not difficult and often happens naturally. In a job interview for example,
the person is likely already nervous during the first few neutral questions. In a social situation you can also find out how someone acts when they are nervous while telling the truth by bringing up sad or sensitive topics in the news. You will often see changes in the face and body when these topics come up that give you clues and a baseline to their tense or nervous body displays. Nervous baselining is important in high-pressure situations because these are the times when people often lie. Studies show that the larger the potential incentive, the more likely people are to lie and the more they expect others to lie. For example, many people who lie during negotiations for what they believe is a big stake item report feeling little or no guilt. Here is an example of how nervous baselines work. Let’s say you would like to be able to better read your colleague, Wyatt, at the office: Step One: During a coffee break one day in the break room you ask Wyatt a few neutral questions about his plans for the weekend or what he is doing for lunch. Step Two: You notice Wyatt loosely holds his torso and leans back against the break room wall. He also nods his head a lot. These are his calm baseline behaviors. You notice he uses a medium voice tone and clears his throat every so often. Step Three: You ask Wyatt what he thinks about the new iPhone release—knowing he loves Apple products. You watch him step away from the wall and talk animatedly about waiting in line for hours outside the store. His voice gets louder and a few people turn to chuckle at his excitement. This is how he looks when he is excited or passionate. Step Four: Nervous Baseline You decide to also get a nervous baseline because the issue you would like to bring up is a bit sensitive. You ask Wyatt what he thinks about Ted getting fired last week for stealing from the company. This causes him to lean towards you
and cross his arms over his body in a stiff way. He drops his voice tone, but continues to nod and clear his throat as he had during the neutral questions. It seems a stiff upper body is what he shows when talking about tense topics, but everything else is the same as his normal baseline behavior. Step Five: Now you get to dig a little deeper into the subject about which you are most curious. You ask Wyatt about the big project last month and his contribution on the report. You have been suspicious he did not do as much as he claims. Sure enough, he stiffens his upper body— mimicking his nervous baseline response. So clearly, this is not a topic he is comfortable with. Step Six: This is red flag number one, because an honest person would not be uncomfortable talking about the big project if they had nothing to hide. Wyatt also begins to vigorously clear his throat, far more frequently than when he was nervous and when he was calm. This is most likely his ‘tell’ as we say in poker. This is red flag number two. As you will learn in the chapter on clusters, I like to look for at least three red flags before making a prediction about someone’s deception. He then begins to scratch the back of his neck. In the body language chapter you will learn that this is a self-soothing gesture and is often shown by liars when they are trying to keep themselves calm. This is red flag number three and almost certainly means he is concealing something about his activity with the big project. This is just one example of how baselining can work in an everyday interaction. In the following chapters you will become more adept looking for tells in the face, in the body and with vocal tone. Baselining will also help you find your three red flags.
Baselining can be done very quickly with a single question, or in depth with longer interviews, and will get easier with practice. Eventually you will not even have to think about baselining, it will become second nature to you in the beginning of interactions. The Importance of Rapport
Baselining not only helps you read your subject, but it also lets your subject know you are paying attention to them. This is a great rapport builder. When you are paying close attention to someone, they feel you are more invested and interested in them—which you are! This breeds loyalty and strong relationships. The importance of building rapport cannot be understated. People tend to tell more lies in situations where they feel uncomfortable or disconnected. If they have a connection to you and think you are trustworthy they will want to help you.
Chapter 2: Microexpressions and the Face Most of us look at our conversation partner’s face far more than any other part of the body. The face is a veritable map of human emotions—if you know how to read it. Human emotions are shown primarily in the face, whereas the body merely shows how one is coping with the emotion. Because of this, the face is the best place to look for lies and hidden emotions. Interesting Fact: Nine out of ten job applicants overemphasize or completely make up their positive traits.
Our brains also pay a lot of attention to the face and make incredibly quick—and accurate snap judgments just by looking at someone’s face. In one study, researchers had participants look at pictures of Chief Executive Officers (CEOs) while their brain activity was being monitored. Certain faces caused people’s amygdala’s to light up—the area of the brain where fear is processed. When asked about these faces, participants said they
were most likely better leaders. Subconsciously we believe the people who cause us to feel afraid, are likely more powerful and would therefore make better leaders! The most interesting part of the experiment—the ones who caused the most fear and participants thought were the best leaders also made the most profits. Their brain was right! Participants were able to accurately predict leadership abilities and profits just by looking at someone’s face. So, now that we know the face is important, what do you have to know? Microexpressions:
Unlike our words, our facial expressions are very hard to control because they are based on emotions. They can be controlled if we consciously think about them, but are almost impossible to control all the time, especially when we feel an intense emotion come on quickly. A microexpression is a very brief, involuntary facial expression displayed on the face of humans according to the emotions being experienced.
They often occur as fast as 1/15 to 1/25 of a second. Prolonged facial expressions can be a bit easier to fake, but it is exceedingly difficult to fake a microexpression. Dr. Paul Ekman, whom you could say is the father of the field of microexpressions, discovered over 10,000 facial expressions. Critically he has confirmed seven universal expressions with specific meanings no matter the subject’s age, sex, or culture. These universal expressions are: disgust, anger, fear, sadness, happiness, surprise, and contempt. Dr. Ekman realized everyone from remote tribes in Papa New Guinea to Japanese businessmen to American teenagers make these seven same facial expressions while experiencing corresponding emotions. He also found congenitally blind individuals—those blind since birth--also make the same expressions even though they have never seen other people’s faces. Learning to read the seven microexpressions is incredibly helpful in understanding the people in our lives and their thoughts.
Below, I describe each of the seven emotions. I highly encourage you to practice the expressions in the mirror so you can experience for yourself how they look, and more importantly, how they feel. You will find that if you make one of the universal facial expressions, you begin to feel that same emotion yourself! Emotions not only cause facial expressions, facial expressions also can cause emotions. This can be very helpful when trying to figure out the meaning of someone’s facial expression. When I speak with someone and they make a non-universal expression, I will try to mimic it and see what emotions surface within me. This is a very simple way of literally feeling as your subject feels. Here is a detailed description of the seven universal facial expressions and somewhat embarrassing pictures of me making them. I hope they are helpful! 1) Surprise: Surprise is the briefest of emotions. It occurs when the subject is shocked about something said or done.
-The brows are raised and curved—they should look like upside-down U’s -Skin below the brow is stretched -There can be horizontal wrinkles across the forehead -Eyelids are opened, with the white of the eye showing above and below -Jaw drops open and teeth are parted. The lips, jaw and mouth stays loose 2) Fear: Fear is shown when someone feels terror or apprehension. This is easy to see in action if you have the subject watch a horror movie. -Brows are raised and drawn together, usually in a flat line -Wrinkles in the forehead are in the center between the brows, not across -Upper eyelid is raised, but the lower lid is tense and drawn up -Upper eye has white showing, but not the lower white -Mouth is open and lips are slightly tensed or stretched and drawn back 3) Disgust: Disgust happens when someone feels repulsion or aversion. -Upper lip is raised
-Nose is wrinkled -Cheeks are raised -Lines show below the lower lid 4) Anger: Anger happens when someone feels rage or extreme irritation. I also have one of a man here so you can see that even though the faces (and sexes) are different, the same characteristics apply.
-The brows are lowered and drawn together -Vertical lines appear between the brows -Lower lid is tensed -Eyes hard stare or bulging
-Lips can be pressed firmly together with corners down or square shape as if shouting -Nostrils may be dilated -The lower jaw juts out 5) Happiness: Happiness is the easiest emotion to fake because a smile comes naturally to us. You can still discern true happiness or joy when you see the muscles activated on the outside corners of the eye (crows feet).
-Corners of the lips are drawn back and up in a smile -Mouth may or may not be parted, teeth exposed -A crease runs from outer nose to outer lip -Cheeks are raised -Lower lid may show wrinkles or be tense -Crows feet near the outside of the eyes 6) Sadness: Sadness, sorrow or unhappiness is the hardest emotion to fake. It is difficult to engage the lips in a frown or pull the corners of your eyebrows up without having a genuine feeling of sadness.
-Inner corners of the eyebrows are drawn up -Corner of the lips are drawn down -Jaw is drawn back -Lower lip pouts out 7) Contempt or Hatred: Contempt, disdain, scorn or hatred look very similar to a smirk, and is often used as a pretense for being happy for someone to cover up jealousy. It is a simple one-sided mouth raise.
Once you practice these emotions yourself, see if you can detect them in the people in your life. You can also watch reality TV as practice. I have a number of videos on my ScienceOfPeople.org demonstrating microexpressions in the real world. Interesting Fact: Dr. John Gottman found contempt can be the biggest
redictor of divorce. When he interviewed couples, he realized he could predict with 90% accuracy which couples would divorce based on which ones showed contempt in their interviews.
Here are a few additional notes about the seven universal microexpressions: • Surprise and fear are often confused, as they are similar emotions. It is very important to know the difference between these two emotions. Think of the question, “Did you know that Jim cheated on Laura?” A look of surprise on your significant other’s face would mean something much different than fear. Surprise would be an appropriate reaction to finding out about someone cheating. Fear might cause you to ask some additional questions about your significant other’s knowledge or behavior. The easiest way to tell the difference is by watching the eyebrows— surprise has upside down U’s and fear usually has eyebrows in a flat line. • Anger can be confused with determination or concentration. This is why it is important to baseline someone and take note of how they look when they are concentrating, nervous or excited. The seven universal microexpressions are the same for everyone, but concentration can look vaguely like anger if you do not pay attention. • Sometimes knowing which emotion you are seeing is just as important as an emotion you are NOT seeing. For example, if you accuse your subject of breaking an office rule and they don’t show surprise they probably knew they did something wrong and are afraid of getting caught. If you tell a friend some good news and they do not show genuine happiness they might be covering up feelings of jealousy. Below I have two side pictures of a real smile and a fake one. Can you tell which smile is real? Hint: It’s all in the crows feet! A.
B.
Answer: B. This is the real smile because you can see the muscles along the sides of the eye are activated (crows feet). Eyes
It is often said that the eyes are the windows to the soul, but they can also be windows to hidden emotions. Below I have outlined some eye-related nonverbal clues: 1. Eye-Blocking
Covering or shielding the eyes is often exhibited when people literally do not like what they see. You will see this when people feel threatened by something or are repulsed by what they are hearing or seeing. This is an indicator of unhappy behavior. You also see eye blocking in the form of eye rubbing and lots
of blinking. Eye blocking is powerful display of consternation, disbelief or disagreement. This is actually an innate behavior—children who are born blind still cover their eyes when they hear bad news. See this example below:
Eye-Blocking happens when someone literally does not want to see or believe what’s happening. 2. Pupillometry
Our pupils dilate when we see something stimulating or we are in low light. If we are aroused our pupils dilate in order to take in more of our pleasing surroundings. Often during courtship pupils stay dilated. You can tell when someone is aroused by looking at the size of his or her pupils. Interesting Fact: Advertisers almost always widen the pupils of women in their ads because it makes their product look arousing and welcoming.
3. Squinting
People often squint at you when they do not like you or something you are saying. It can mean they are suspicious of your message. (This is the same principal as eye blocking above—blocking out what they do not like). If you see someone squint at you (and it is not in low light conditions) address him or her directly and clarify your point. They will often be amazed you picked up on their disbelief. 4. Eyebrows
Eyebrows raised draws attention to the face.
We raise our eyebrows in a quick flash to draw attention to our face so we may be able to send clear communication signals. I notice I do this when I want to be understood or emphasize a point. Raising one’s eyebrows is a gesture of congeniality and hope to get along well and communicate effectively.
5. Gazing
Gazing can be an intimate activity. In a normal conversation, we hold direct eye contact about 30 to 60% of the time. More than 60% can be unnerving. If you disagree with a superior you can show disagreement by holding their gaze a bit longer than normal. An interesting experiment shows the importance of gazing while dating. In one experiment, researchers told one participant on a blind date that the other had an eye problem, but that they didn’t know which eye was slow. This caused the person to gaze deeply to try to figure out which eye was the afflicted eye. Interestingly, compared to people on control dates (they were told nothing about an eye problem) the people on the eye problem date rated the date higher and more intimate. There are three types of gazing: Social Gazing- This is when your eyes move in a triangle shape from the eyes to the mouth. It is nonaggressive and shows comfort. Intimate Gazing- If you want to be intimate with someone, look from their eyes to their mouth and then to the body. If someone is doing this to you it usually means they are having intimate thoughts about you. (Women who play hard to get use the social gaze, not the intimate gaze in courtship.) Power Gazing- This is a triangle between the eyes and the forehead. It avoids the intimate areas of the mouth and body completely. 6. Sideways Glance
This usually denotes uncertainty or the need for more info. If the subject glances sideways and has furrowed brows it can mean suspicion or critical feelings.
Sideways gaze with eyebrows down shows suspicion. If their eyebrows are up and they glance sideways it usually means interest or is a sign of courtship.
Sideways gaze with eyebrows up shows interest.
See how different these expressions are? One conveys suspicion and one conveys interest—just by the movement of the eyebrows! Try both of these glances on your own and you will feel the difference in
meaning. One is positive and one is negative. You will learn more about nonverbal behavior of courtship in Chapter 7. 7. Looking Down One’s Nose If someone lifts their head and looks down their nose at you it usually means they feel superior.
Looking down one’s nose at someone is a way of showing superiority (or leaks that someone feels superior). 8. Darting Eyes
Darting eyes always means the person feels insecure or nervous. They are often looking for escape routes to become more comfortable.
9. Glasses
Studies show that women who wear glasses and make-up make the best impressions in business. Those who wear glasses and peer over their lenses at others is a sign of intimidation or a way to belittle the people around them. 10. Eye Direction
There are a number of studies examining the direction of eyes during lies. Typically when people look up and to the right they are lying or tapping into their imagination. When they look up to the left they are remembering or recalling something, tapping into the memory storage part of the brain. However be sure you get to know their natural movements because this can be reversed for left handed people. Here are some other guidelines established by lying studies: Looking to Their Right = Auditory Thought (Remembering a song) • Looking to Their Left = Visual Thought (Remembering the color of a dress) • Looking Down to Their Right = Someone creating a feeling or sensory memory (Thinking what it would be like to swim in cold water) • Looking Down to Their Left = Someone talking to themselves •
If you ask someone a question and they look down to the right—signifying that they were creating a memory instead of remembering something—you might have just caught them in a lie. 11. Rapid Blinking
People often blink rapidly when they process emotion or try to figure something out. Men and women both do this when they are flustered and are trying to gather their thoughts. More About Head Behavior Head Tilt:
Head tilt shows interest.
Tilting your head in either direction shows comfort and inquisitiveness. When your best friend speaks, you often tilt your head or lean in towards them to show you are interested and attentive to their needs and emotions. Men do well by trying this with women, as it shows them that you are an attentive partner.
Nose Flare:
When someone flares his or her nostrils it usually means anger. You can see animals do this before they attack. This is also a difficult mannerism to fake, so when you see it take note—it is most likely genuine! Nose Up or Chin Up: When someone puts their nose up in the air or raises their chin up it often means they feel superior. The Tongue:
The tongue can be an interesting emotional indicator. One must be careful watching another’s mouth because, as we learned in the gazing tip above, looking at the mouth can be intimate and therefore inappropriate in a business meeting. -Licking and biting the lips or chewing the inside of ones cheek is usually a sign of nervousness or insecurity. Biting the nails is also anxiety. But again, be sure to baseline someone if you see this behavior because they could just have chapped lips.
Biting lips shows nerves.
-Rubbing the tongue along the inside of the teeth is a self-comforting gesture. People do it when they are nervous and want to feel better. -Occasionally you will see someone perform a tongue catch. A tongue catch is when someone sticks their tongue in between their teeth without touching the lips. People often do this when they are caught doing something they shouldn’t. It’s almost as if they are catching their own tongue. You see teenagers do this when Mom catches them playing video games after hours or if a boss catches someone’s error in their report.
The tongue catch usually means someone has been caught in the act. Touching the Lips or Mouth:
People often put pens in their mouth or touch their lips when they are nervous. Nail biters or people who have chewed their pens to a pulp are typically more anxious than average. Interesting Fact: Sociobiologist Desmond Morris claims we find it
comforting to put pens, nails or fingers in our mouths when we are nervous because it reminds us of the comfort of a mother’s breast.
Puffing Out the Cheeks:
If you have ever seen someone take a deep breath, puff out their cheeks and then exhale slowly, you have witnessed the universal behavior for a narrow escape and release of nerves. People often do this as they walk out of big meetings or narrowly escape a car accident.
Puffing out your cheeks and breathing out usually means someone feels they have narrowly escaped. Emblems: An emblem is the nonverbal equivalent of a word or phrase. For example, a wink is a flirtatious gesture.
Interesting Fact: Studies have found people who wear glasses in business are taken more seriously. These studies also looked at women who wear makeup and found that makeup does in fact add credibility to a woman, but too much makeup is seen as inappropriate. For a woman, the best combination for credibility is makeup and glasses.
Here are some other emblems you will recognize: -A hand moving left to right with the palm facing out means a wave of hello or goodbye. -Nodding up and down means “yes.” -Nodding side to side means “no.” -A one-eyebrow raise usually means doubt, suspicion or questioning. -A dropped jaw is a partial surprise microexpression and means someone is dumbfounded or shocked. Punctuators: Punctuators place emphasis on a certain emotion in a controlled facial gesture. An example of a punctuator would be someone making a purposeful grimace when asked if they like spinach or sticking your tongue out after a long run to show someone you are tired and thirsty. They are conscious facial movements made to emphasize a point. A Lying Face
We discussed how to find hidden emotions in the face, but there are also ways to tell if someone is lying with certain special facial clues. The most important part of detecting lies through the face is to understand how we try to control the face when we lie. When someone lies they typically first think about the words they use and what they should say. Next, they usually try to put their face in an appropriate facial expression—if they are faking happiness they will try to smile, if they are feigning surprise they will usually widen their eyes. Most people are poor at trying to control their face and have no idea what expression they should even be attempting to portray. Nonverbal knowledge is not commonly known. Knowing these two things that people cannot control their facial expressions and that they don’t know what faces to make when they lie helps us guess what a lying face might look like.
There is one more thing that we need to know about lying and the face: Which muscles are the easiest to control on command. As a general rule it is easier to control the bottom half of the face, especially the mouth, than it is to control the top half of the face—eyes, forehead and cheeks. So, if you suspect someone is lying to you and you notice any of these facial muscle red flags, its time to dig a little deeper: • They have very little facial movement on the upper part of the face. • They have incongruous movement when they are smiling—a one sided mouth raise or an uneven smile • They are smiling, but their eyes or eyebrows show a completely different emotion. Perhaps their eyes are wide in terror or their eyebrows are lowered in anger. In other words, the person is smiling, hoping to distract you from the emotion they actually fear which is truthfully manifesting in the upper part of their face. Reality television is actually a great vehicle for practicing spotting smiles that are hiding true emotions shown in the upper part of the face. Especially during reality shows that involve contestants getting eliminated, you often see rejected contestants smile, hoping to cover their sadness, which is shown in their sad eyes (inner corners of the eyebrows pulled down). Facial Lying Red Flags: -Little movement in the top half of the face.
-Incompatible movement between the top and bottom of the face (The subject smiles, but their eyes are narrowed in anger and their crows feet are not engaged.) -An asymmetrical expression. This is usually exhibited when someone is faking an emotion. For example, people often half smile or smirk when they are pretending to be happy—not only is this not a full smile, but it also is the microexpression for contempt, double red flag!
The contempt microexpression.
-The timing between words and facial expressions is off—the subject says he is surprised and then makes the corresponding surprised facial expression a second later. This should happen concurrently.
Watch out for odd microexpressions at the wrong time.
All of these facial reading tips can be practiced—rehearse with yourself in the mirror, watch some reality television or try to baseline your friends and family. Once you memorize the universal facial microexpressions you will see them everywhere. It is the easiest place to start building your liedetection ability.
Chapter 3: Body Language This chapter is our longest chapter -- there is a lot to say about the body! When people lie, they have a lot to concentrate on and often forget about controlling what their body is saying. A liar has to: -Know the truth -Make up a false story -Convince you of the false story and change the story or details based on your reactions. -Keep the false facts straight in their head -Try to think how an honest person would say it and then try to portray that emotion. -Try to control their face during the lie -Try to control their body during the lie -Try to adjust their voice tone and pitch to be what an honest person does These are a lot of different things to keep straight and this is why liars forget to control their body—they don’t have enough brain power! The easiest way to review body language is to start at the feet and work our way up through each body part. As we move through different body parts I will describe each part’s corresponding kinesics (physical movements) and haptics (touching behaviors). At the end of the chapter I also will review proxemics (body distance between people and objects). Before I review each part of the body, I want to explain two important body language behavior categories. 1) Blocking Behavior: You will see blocking behavior occur in almost all body parts. Blocking behavior happens when the subject feels threatened or encounters a topic they do not like. It means they are uncomfortable, in disagreement or feel disbelief. In the last chapter we talked about eye blocking. This is powerful because people actually close or rub their eyes to block out that what they do not like. You will see many more examples of blocking in the body parts below. 2) Pacifying Behavior: Unlike blocking—where someone is trying to block out
what is happening, pacifying happens when someone is trying to calm themselves down or self-soothe. A pacifying behavior is usually what happens after someone is in a blocking behavior situation. They are ill at ease, reacting negatively to something said or done. In the last chapter I mentioned that rubbing the tongue along the teeth is a self-soothing or pacifying behavior. Rubbing or stroking is ingrained in us from childhood to be a calming action because as children our parents often rubbed our backs or heads while rocking us to sleep. We will self-stroke in various non-sexual ways to calm ourselves down even as adults in public situations. Here are some other pacifying behaviors you will read about in greater depth in the rest of the chapter: -Rubbing or stroking the neck, forehead or cheeks (like a parent does to a baby to calm down). -Touching or stroking the arms or rubbing palms together. -Playing with jewelry or hair. -Licking lips or running tongue along the teeth. -Running hands along the outside of the thighs. -Hands wrapped in shirt or scarf. -Picking ‘dirt’ out from under nails. -Squeezing or pinching skin on hands or arms. -Tapping fingers. -Picking cuticles. -Cracking knuckles or stretching and pulling on fingers.
Cracking knuckles is a pacifying behavior. Feet
Feet might be the most honest part of the body because liars often forget to control them. Evolutionarily they also are the part of the body that reacts first in fight or flight response, so controlling them is very difficult. People don’t think to control their feet, instead pouring their energy into verbal content and making their upper body presentable. It is a great idea to take notice of your subject’s feet during baselining—I highly encourage job interviewers to use glass tables or no table at all. I tell poker
players to use glass tables whenever possible as people tend to jiggle their feet with excitement when they have a good hand. Look for these behaviors when baselining and then look for changes later on: -The rate at which your subject taps or jiggles their feet.
This is an example of someone pointing their feet in the opposite direction of the erson they are speaking with. You can be sure that they do not want to be a part of the conversation.
-The direction of your subject’s feet and to which direction they point. People often subconsciously point their feet towards the exit when they want to leave. Interesting Fact: Studies have shown that when jurors do not like a witness they turn their feet towards the nearest exit.
-People make an L-shape with their feet when they are trying to be polite and stay engaged, but actually really want to leave.
L-Shaped feet shows this person is not fully engaged in the conversation. They literally have one foot out of the interaction.
-The starters stance is when someone has one foot back and one foot forward and their heels are off the floor. This looks like someone is about to start a race and usually signifies that someone is impatient or motivated to get started.
Starters stance means someone is ready to bolt.
-When someone points their toes up it usually means they feel optimistic and excited. In fact studies that looked at people diagnosed with clinical depression found that those patients rarely exhibited this nonverbal behavior because they are depressed. Interesting Fact: When we are attracted to or interested in someone we often oint our feet towards them when standing in a group.
It is important to pay attention to the above foot behaviors to see if there is a difference from the baseline when tough topics come up.
Dr. Paul Ekman discovered the number of unconscious foot movements drastically increased when people lie. As a general rule, people move their feet when they are nervous. But again, in order to not confuse this with excited iggling you want to get someone’s baseline first. Reversing this situation, if you have a choice in your own office, you are better off getting a wooden desk with a panel in front so no one can see your own foot movements. Legs
The legs are the body part that grounds us and moves us through the world. In general, when we feel upset or threatened we widen our legs to claim territory and get ready for an attack. The wider the legs the more confident or dominant the person feels. On the other hand, if someone has their legs tightly pressed together or compactly crossed, they feel vulnerable, shy or unsure. When you see someone splay their legs it means they are trying to gain dominance, stability and control. If you watch people experience disagreement they almost never have their legs crossed. Instead they will often have their feet spread wide as adrenaline pumps through their bloodstream. Men do this to assert dominance or control in meetings or on dates. In Western movies cowboys almost always stand with their feet incredibly wide and thrust their crotch forward in gun duels to demonstrate the ultimate manly display.
Men take up space when they want to claim territory. It can be a positive mark o confidence as well as a negative sign of dominance depending on context and accompanying behaviors. Interesting Fact: Female law enforcement officers are often taught to splay their legs and widen their stance to look more in control.
Crossed Legs:
Crossed legs can mean one of two things—and you must collect baseline data to find out what it means for each person. First, as the cross-legged positions are hard to attack from, people exhibiting this feel comfortable and relaxed. They are at ease with the other person. On the other hand, both women and men sometimes cross their legs when they feel vulnerable or insecure. They do this to subconsciously protect their genitals as well as to feel smaller and less noticeable to others in the room. They are literally trying to make themselves smaller. Studies show people who lack confidence cross their legs the most.
Interesting Fact: If you are among strangers and you tightly cross your arms and legs you will notice other people begin to copy you. This is because it subconsciously reminds them you do not know each other. They respond by assuming a protective, vulnerable position as well. When you leave, most will go back to a relaxed position.
There are a few different kinds of leg crosses each with slightly varied meanings: 1) Tight Cross: This is when the legs are very close together in a cross. Research shows that in business contexts people in this position have shorter sentences, reject more proposals and recall less detail of what was said. In general, the tighter the cross the more close-minded the person. 2) The L Cross: The L cross is when someone has their ankle resting on their other knee in a more open position. People in this position tend to feel more argumentative and competitive.
The L-shaped cross is confident for an American man. Interesting Fact: During World World War War II Germans could spot American spies when they sat in this L Cross position. It became popular in the states after cowboys in Western Western movies used it, but had not caught on in Germany.
3) Ankle Lock: Those who cross their ankles but not their whole legs are often holding back and have a withdrawn attitude. In one survey of 319 dental patients, only 68% of patients locked their ankles when they only needed a check-up. Whereas 88% of them locked their ankles when they needed to have work done. 98% of patients locked their ankles when injected. *Researchers Gerard Nierenberg and Henry Calero found that during negotiations people with locked ankles were also holding back valuable concessions or information. 4) Leg Twine: When you see a women (men rarely do this) cross her legs and tuck her ankle around her calf it usually means she is feeling shy. 5) Up Parallel Legs: This is when a woman tucks her legs up under her so they are parallel to the floor. Oddly this is the most attractive female sitting position according to men because their narrow hips do not allow them to sit that way and it is a reminder of a woman’s femininity. femininity. Torso
Torso behavior is easier to isolate if you speak to someone sitting behind a desk. Here are some torso body language clues you can spot: The Lean:
The torso or body trunk will actually lean towards people or subjects they are interested in. Conversely they will lean away if they feel threatened or hear something unfavorable. For especially damaging lies, you will often see liars lean back as they speak the lie, as if they subconsciously want to move away from the lie. In Presidential debates you will also see candidates lean back when their opponent accuses them of wrongdoing or issues a false charge. Suprasternal Notch:
Touching the suprasternal notch is comforting for both men and women (men tend to touch their tie which lies directly over the suprasternal notch).
This is the point right at the hollow of the neck where the collarbones meet. People touch this area when they feel distressed, threatened or insecure. Touching the suprasternal notch is a soothing gesture. Women will touch the spot with their fingers or rub a necklace that falls on that area. Men will often adjust their tie (which lies right above the suprasternal notch). The Turtle:
Sometimes people will inch their shoulders up towards their ears and clasp their hands to their sides. This happens when people lose confidence or are embarrassed. They are literally trying to retreat into their imaginary shell, just like a turtle, to make themselves look smaller. Dogs do this when they are punished. Kids sitting outside the principal’s office are almost always in the turtle position. Interesting Fact: If you watch security camera videos of shoplifters shoplifters right
before they steal, they often try to make their body as compact as possible so as not to be noticed.
Air Pull:
Have you ever seen someone pull their collar away from their neck as if to get more air? Of course people do this when they feel warm, but they also do this when they feel uncomfortable or nervous with a topic. Women will also pull their hair off their neck. This behavior is due to nerves causing adrenaline release, which in turn makes blood pump faster, causing us to feel warm. Object Block:
Holding an object in front of our torso makes us feel more secure and protected. Teens frequently walk school hallways holding a notebook to their chest (even when they have a backpack capable of carrying their books) because it makes them feel more secure. In business situations people place their coffee cup and put it in front of them when talking about a difficult topic. Notice when people pick up items and place them between themselves and the subject—it is usually not accidental. Heavy Breathing:
This one is fairly obvious. When we are nervous or anxious our body tries to bring more oxygen to the muscles, blood and brain to prepare to fight or flee. We breathe more heavily and our chest rises and falls more acutely. Body Hug and Crossed Arms:
Crossed arms protects our vital organs.
When subjects feel insecure, worried, scared or anxious, they frequently cover their chest with their arms or wrap their body in a kind of self-hug. They do this because it protects vital organs. People will tell you “they just feel more comfortable with crossed arms.” Well of course they do! If their arms are crossed, their vital organs are protected which lowers their heart rate and makes them feel more relaxed. This is a position of self-defense and is exactly why it is comfortable. Bowing:
People subconsciously bow to those they respect or when they want to show subservience. You often see lower level employees bow slightly when their boss passes them in the hallway. When looking at a group you can almost always tell who is the alpha member by who stands up straight the entire time and doesn’t bow to the others in the group. Shrugging:
A double shrug is honest behavior for “I don’t know.” A oneshouldered shrug is not fully confident and can be a body slip. For example, people often shrug just one shoulder when they lie. This is their body’s way of giving away the untruth. You will learn more about this in later chapters, but a general rule of thumb is to pay attention to any uneven expressions. Uneven facial expressions like contempt and uneven shrugs are red flags. Neck:
Anytime someone touches his or her neck it is most likely a self-soothing or pacifying behavior. A neck touch indicates stress, high emotionality, high anxiety or worry. Again this behavior does not mean a lie is being told, but it does signify the person is anxious about the current topic. When people massage their neck it lowers their heart rate and calms them down. *I have one friend who touches her neck constantly because she is an anxious person in general. Her baseline behavior includes frequent neck touching. In her case I do not pay much attention because I know it is normal behavior. Arm Behavior
Our arms serve to protect our trunk and vital organs from threat. When cross our arms on our chest we are usually reacting to some external threat, and subconsciously protect ourselves. We often cross our arms when we hear something threatening, confrontational or when we feel vulnerable. Interesting Fact: Hitler used to raise his right arm in salute, but almost always had his left arm in front of his crotch. Subconsciously this could have happened because he was missing his left testicle and he wanted to protect the area.
Unfortunately crossing our arms isn’t just a defensive posture, but the position
also makes us feel more closeminded. This is the same concept as the face--not only do our emotions cause body language behaviors, but body language can also activate certain emotions. Arm crossing compounds our already close-minded and fearful attitude. When you see someone cross their arms, you can help move them to a more comfortable mindset by asking them to sit down (if they are standing), or handing them a glass of water (if they are sitting) to get them to physically uncross their arms and out of the defensive mindset. The opposing behavior to crossed arms occurs when we swing and move our arms freely. For example, children are more mentally free and tend to have freer range of motion with their arms. Typically, the more arm use you see the happier and more confident the person is. Interesting Fact: When athletes win a race they almost always raise their arms and chin to the sky. Even blind athletes do this after finishing a race, even though they never saw others do this. It seems to be an inherent response to winning, and is the body language of pride and confidence.
Clenched Fists Arms Cross:
If someone has their fists clenched as they cross their arms it means they are feeling even more hostile and aggressive than a normal arm cross. Thumbs Up Arms Cross: If someone has their thumbs up while their arms are crossed they are exhibiting signs of having a superior attitude.
Thumbs up cross is both confident and superior. Stiff vs. Drooping:
Stiff arms are usually a sign of nervous tension. Depressed people usually exhibit drooping, lifeless arms—this is why cartoons always depict people who are grouchy or sad as slouching with hanging arms. This is a universal body
language behavior for sadness. Arms Behind the Back:
When people put their arms behind their back and grab one wrist, it shows supreme confidence. Politicians and British royals often do this. This is a powerful gesture because it exposes the most vulnerable part of the body—the groin for men and chest area for women. Only a supremely confident person places their hands behind their back in that way. You often see principals or teachers do this as they walk up and down rows of student’s desks during tests.
Territorial Claims:
When a subject puts their arm around another chair or spreads their arms out on a table they are putting on a territorial display of control and dominance. You will see people do this in business scenarios when they want to show they are in the power position. You also see men act this way on dates to assert dominance.
Another way to assess how confident someone feels is by watching where they place their elbows in a chair with arms. If they place their elbows on the inside of a chair, taking up as little space as possible, this usually denotes low selfesteem.
Hands on Hips:
Putting hands on your hips is typically an aggressive stance. Men in the military do this with their hands on their hips and thumbs on lower backs. You will see people do this when they are feeling attacked or threatened, but want to visually communicate they are standing their ground. In addition people often puff out their chest when their hands are on their hips and they feel confrontational. This is a great pose for women who want to stand up to someone because women don’t often take this position and it connotes power and confidence. Hands Behind Head : Putting hands behind your head (which is often accompanied by putting feet on a desk) makes you seem bigger, relaxed and in charge. As with other physical behaviors these also are the exact feelings that cause you to take those actions. This is not only a territorial claim (placing feet on the desk), but also a confidence behavior. You take up physical space and leave the torso exposed.
Hand Behavior
Hand behavior is usually the second area people notice after their facial movements. Handshakes also typically call our attention to hands during an initial greeting.
Our brains actually give a disproportionate amount of attention to the wrists, palms, fingers and hands. Researchers think this is because we have a survival need to assess hands. Hitler used to film himself speaking so he could observe his hand movements. He wanted to use them more powerfully for audiences because he intuitively knew how important they are to perception. In general, showing your hands is honest and hiding them is seen as deceptive. The phrase ‘showing your hand’ has literal meanings in body language. Interesting Fact: Jurors find defendants who put their hands under the table more sneaky or mistrustful.
Here are a few hand behaviors and their corresponding meanings: Shame: When people are embarrassed or feel intense shame you will often see them lightly touch or gently rub the side of their forehead. This can be accompanied by a slight head nod or a sadness microexpression.
Steepling:
Steepling occurs when someone brings their hands up towards their chest or face and presses the tips of their fingers together. This is a gesture of confidence, selfassuredness and even superiority. This can easily be done to inspire confidence in yourself and others during a meeting or interview. This is of
particular benefit for females as it is seen as an assertive gesture, not aggressive. Putting hands in the prayer position, a slight variation of the steeple, is a less confident gesture. Rubbing Palms Together:
When we rub our palms together it means we have a positive expectation of the subject at hand. The faster the pace of the rub, the more positive and excited we feel.
We rub our palms together when we are excited about something that is about to happen. Pointing the Finger:
Pointing a finger at someone is an aggressive act. It always rubs people the wrong way as it seems accusatory to the receiving party. Doing this regularly can breed long-term mistrust.
Fists:
Whenever you see someone with clenched fists—whether in an arm cross, on a desk or in their lap, it means they have a restrained, anxious or negative attitude. Face Hold:
When people (especially women) place their hands under their chin in a presentation of the face, this is usually an invitation for more interaction. It shows interest and is typically seen in romantic situations as a flirtatious behavior. Nervous Hands: Shaking or rattling a pen and hand wringing are all nervous behaviors—if they differ from someone’s baseline. Thumb Behavior:
When we display our thumbs in the up position it is positive, cool and confident. When people put them in the down position or hide them in pockets it is the opposite— signifying low self-esteem, shyness or low confidence. *When men put their hands in their pockets and let their thumbs hang out it symbolizes male virility. This is because the thumbs draw attention to the male genitals and is therefore the ultimate come hither move—think the Fonz from Happy Days who loved that stance. Be careful not to overuse it. Although it is a confidence behavior for males, it can be perceived as too aggressive for some females. Palm Behavior:
The palms up position is the universal symbol for openmindedness and trustworthiness as you are literally showing your hand. When people put their palms down as they speak it tends to rub people the wrong way because it connotes superiority and concealment. Chin Stroking:
As seen in most cartoons, chin stroking usually happens when someone is trying to decide something or figure out an answer. In sales you might see someone do this and then sit back with their arms crossed—this usually means they made a
negative decision to refuse your request.
We stroke our chin when trying to make a decision or while figuring something out. Rubbing Neck vs. Rubbing Forehead:
Desmond Morris found that the tissues in the neck have increased blood flow when someone lies. This is why people often rub their neck when they lie. People who rub their neck are often anxious. In fact, Gerard Nierenberg found that those who rub the back of their neck are more negative and critical than those who rub their foreheads—these people are typically more open and easy going. A slap or rub of the forehead usually means someone is unsure or surprised. Touching or Chewing:
When people fidget with their jewelry, touch their hair, cufflinks or tie, they are usually nervous and want reassurance. These are self-comforting gestures. Covering the Mouth:
People usually cover their mouths when one of two things happen. The first situation where people cover their mouth is when they are surprised or shocked. The second is when they tell a lie. You see this with children who cover their mouths when telling a lie. Adults who are lying still do this by wiping their mouth or lips. Body Proxemics
Proxemics is the physical space between people and how they move in relation to each other. Typically intimate space extends 6 to 18 inches away from a person. Personal space is 18 to 48 inches away and social space is 4 to 12 feet away. Our personal space is very important to us. You can often gauge how shy or open someone is by noticing how far they stand from you while speaking. Keep in mind that proxemics can vary culturally; these numbers are based on American standards. The most intimate proxemic activity is touch because it has the least amount of distance between people. When used correctly touch can increase trust and connection. In one experiment researchers at the University of Minnesota put a coin in a phone booth and then returned to ask the next person if they had left it. When the asker touched the elbow of the person, 68% gave it back. When they didn’t touch the person’s elbow only 23% returned the coin. In another study librarians touched people’s hands as they handed them their library books. All of the people who got their hands touched rated the librarian
more favorably in an exit survey. Appropriate touch breeds rapport and relationships. You might be wondering what I mean by ‘appropriate touch?’ Typically the closer to the body trunk touch is placed, the more intimate (and possibly inappropriate) the touch. Therefore less intimate areas you might apply touch are from the elbow to the hand. Elbow to shoulder can be OK, but still more intimate than elbow to hand, and anything on the trunk goes into personal space—so you should only touch someone on their torso, head or neck if you know them well. Interesting Fact: When no one else is around, smokers tend to blow smoke up when they are feeling good and down when they are feeling negative.
Distance and touch are not the only aspects of proxemics. Angles between subjects and body direction are also important. People who are interested in what you are saying will aim their body and feet towards you while speaking. If they are not interested or distracted they will often turn their body away from you or point their feet towards the exit. Objects also play a factor in proxemics. As I mentioned above, people place objects in front of them when they feel threatened or vulnerable. The closer someone puts an object to their body the more insecure they feel. People do this with notepads, purses, briefcases, pillows and coffee mugs. Someone putting a coffee mug on the table next to them is not an insecure behavior. However picking up that same cup and placing it directly in front of them, or between the two of you or holding it in front of their chest is usually a subconscious protective behavior.
Chapter 4: Vocal Displays, Voice Tone and Language Patterns Interesting Fact: Many studies have shown the more a child is punished, the more likely they are to lie.
What we say might not be important as how we say it. Voice tone, vocal patterns
and word choice are great clues for spotting lies and hidden emotions. In a 2004 study researchers found that liars are much more talkative and use a third more words than people telling the truth. This is because liars tend to provide more and more detail to convince you of their lie. The most effective lie detection technique is to stay quiet and listen. You want to see if and how the other person fills the silence. And then continue to ask open-ended questions Interesting Fact: 85% of college age couples lied about prior relationships.
We intuitively know to ask open-ended questions and search for deeper meaning when we think we are being lied to. To test this point researchers had two groups of people participate in online chats. In one group people were told the truth. In another people were told lies by the other person chatting with them. The group being lied to asked far more questions than the group hearing the truth. Somehow people knew there was something fishy going on and kept digging deeper. This is exactly how you should behave in a situation where you want the truth—keep quiet until they stop talking and then continue to ask open-ended questions. Phone calls and person-to-person interaction is where the most lies happen. A study conducted over a weeklong period found there were lies in: 37% of phone calls 27% of face to face 21% of IM chats 14% of emails Researchers think this is because people do not like lying ‘on paper’ where it can be saved and re-shared. This is why it is always good to follow up in-person meetings with a summary email the subject can confirm. There are a few things to look out for when speaking to someone on the phone or in person before following up in writing. Let’s review some of the verbal clues for deception in conversation. Verbal Clues to Deception 1. Delayed Responses
When people delay their response by repeating your question, or say things like “let me think about that,” they are often stalling for time to concoct their lie. They might also delay with parrot statements or by repeating your own previous words. Delayed responses might also avoid answering all together, “Is everyone having to answer this?” or “I’m so busy right now I don’t think I can get into this with you.” These are all avoidance answers and should be seen as red flags. They might also say, “Let me think” or “As far as I can recall.” These both delay the response. An honest person will want the truth out as soon as possible. 2. Answering with Generalizations
Another way people delay their response to buy time to think about their lie is by answering with a sweeping generalization. This is a way of avoiding having to flat out lie. For example, a manager could ask their employee, “Did you steal from the company?” and the employee could answer, “I don’t believe in stealing.” Or “How could you ask me that?” These are all red flags for deception. 3. Brainstorming with You
Honest people will often help you brainstorm suspects and they are cooperative. They are more than willing to talk to you about the topic because they do not feel guilt or fear they have something to hide. Guilty people will try to get off the topic as soon as possible and then show relief once the topic is changed. 4. Punishment Recommendations
If you ask an honest person what they think the punishment should be for the crime you are talking about, they will most likely be strict. If you ask a guilty person, they will suggest leniency because they are the one who did it. This is a strategy used by some police with suspects they believe are guilty. Beware: Pathological liars can be extremely manipulative and they might suggest even harsher punishments for themselves because they think of themselves as immune to punishment. 5. Emphasis Statements
Liars tend to use bolstering statements like “Swear to God” or “Let me be honest.” Truth tellers do not use these because they do not need to bolster what
they are saying—it is already true. Interesting Fact: Studies found people lie in one in ten interactions with their spouses. However, this is far higher for interactions with romantic partners who are not spouses. Non-married romantic partners lie in one in three interactions! However, even though spouse lie less, they do tell the grandest lies.
6. Distancing From the Lie
In both emails and speech, people distance themselves from their lie by not using pronouns or people’s names. If asked, “How did you like the dinner?” They might say “Real good,” or “Liked it.” Another form of distancing language used by liars is when liars say ‘that house,’ instead of ‘my house’ or ‘that woman’ instead of ‘Monica Lewinsky.’ 7. Non-Contracted Statements
Subconsciously, honest people want to tell the truth as soon as possible. This typically means they use contractions when they speak—don’t instead of do not. Liars don’t use contractions because they want to emphasize the ‘not.’ When thinking quickly liars will often add a simple “no” or “not” in front of the real truth because it is easier than coming up with a complex fib. For example, Bill Clinton said, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman,” instead of “I didn’t.” 8. Story-Telling
Honest people typically tell a story with sensory details and don’t sound rehearsed. Liars rehearse their story and usually do not have as many sensory details because it did not actually happen. They also usually have a long built up prologue, whereas honest people get right through to the meat of the story. Some researchers suggest having liars draw out the story after telling it. Liars have a very hard time drawing out sketches of places and people who aren’t real. Honest people (even if they aren’t good drawers) can do very quick crude drawings because they can draw from a real picture in their mind. Researchers had one group of subjects participate in a fake espionage game and another group pretend they participated in the game. Then the researchers asked
both subjects to draw certain details of the experience. The biggest differences between the liars’ drawings and the honest peoples’ drawings were: -80% of truth tellers drew the other person in the situation in their drawings while liars only drew the other person 13% of the time. -53% of the truth tellers drew from a shoulder-camera view while liars drew from the overhead view (19% only 19% drew from overhead?). This makes sense because honest people drew from their own genuine perspective. Liars made up their story so they could only draw the entire scene from the overhead perspective. 9. Voice Tone
A woman’s voice pitch tends to rise when she lies while a man’s voice pitch tends to drop. This is why it is important to notice someone’s baseline voice pitch. If you notice a significant difference when a given topic comes up, this can be a red flag. 10. Would, Should, Could
Liars will also use would, should, could instead of saying I didn’t. For example, someone might say “I would never cheat.” Instead of “I didn’t cheat.” This is a subconscious way of avoiding having to lie. 11. Stop Start Sentences
Liars will often start a sentence and then stop in the middle, as if they are confirming the thought in their head or making sure it matches the story. They might also waver back and forth on an idea. They can jump from one opinion or fact to the next because they are unsure of what you believe and what will be convincing. You might also notice they have a varied speech rate in between their sentences. Sometimes they speak fast and sometimes they slow down. Liars do this as their brain tries to process the lie on the way to their mouth. 12. Character Testimony
Sometimes liars will try to convince you that they are a good person or reference
their character instead of giving you information on the lie. For example, when asking a guilty person if they stole the money, they might say, “My friends will tell you I’m really honest.” They could also mention something that is truthful to distract you from the lie. They could say. “Someone stole money? But, I just got a raise.” Interesting Fact: Extroverts lie more than shy people and persist longer in their lies.
This is another subtle difference between liars and truth tellers. Liars are trying to convince you of something, whereas honest people are trying to convey something. If someone is telling you the truth they are simply conveying what happened. The verbal clues above will help you decipher if someone is convincing or conveying. Voice Tone and Bonding Being attuned to voice tone is also important for bonding.
In one study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that when employees mirrored the voice patterns and verbal activity level during interviews this built rapport and made them more conversationally engaging. In fact, those that focused on verbal rapport building tactics, received nearly 30% better terms during employment negotiation!
Chapter 5: Clues to Behavior Now that we have reviewed all the areas of the body and typical verbal patterns of deceit, I want to remind you two of the most important aspects of lie detection are: • There is no “smoking gun” that means someone is lying. You have to look at clusters of clues called “red flags”. • Even though it is good to know frequent lying habits, you must establish someone’s baseline behavioral patterns to know if the behavior is unique to them. In this chapter I want to review the most common clues to deceit and how they appear as clusters of red flags during interactions.
Most Common Lying Gestures Frozen Bodies:
When people freeze their upper bodies it is usually because their limbic response is taking over. When someone knows they have to lie, they typically feel fearful and their limbic brain tells their body to freeze so as not to attract attention. Odd Smiles:
It is easier to control the bottom half of our face, so liars usually actively put their mouths in whatever feigned expression they want you to believe. Remember the one sided smile is actually the micro-expression for contempt. Don’t confuse this for happiness! It means the person feels disdain or hatred at what you are talking about. Lip Pursing:
People purse their lips when they are holding back information. They are literally trying to hold it in. If you see this behavior it is a good idea to ask some open-ended questions to find out what is being held back.
Lip-pursing is a big red flag because it usually means someone is holding something back or is unhappy with the way things are going.
Nodding:
If someone is saying something positive they usually nod their head in a “yes” gesture. If they are saying something negative they should be shaking their head “no”. If their head movement does not match their verbal message, it is a red flag and a signal to dig a little deeper. Delayed or Mismatched Behavior:
Honest people have great synchronicity between words and gestures. They say they are sad and instantly a frown appears, they say they are excited and can’t stop smiling. Watch out for people who have delayed or mismatched reactions. If they say they are angry, but their eyebrows rise in surprise this is a red flag. If they say they are worried but then make a worried microexpression, this is a red flag. Eye Blocking: When people squint, rub or shield their eyes, they are hearing or saying something they do not want to see or acknowledge. One-Sided Lifts:
I mentioned that any kind of uneven behavior, whether a onesided mouth or eyebrow raise or a one-sided shoulder shrug, is a red flag for deceit. These are fairly easy to spot when they differ from someone’s baseline. Nervous Gestures:
You should pay extra attention any time a subject exhibits nervous behavior as it indicates they may lie about the topic. Here are some common nervous behaviors mentioned in previous chapters: -Hand wringing -Tapping feet -Inward curled feet -Biting the inner cheek, lips, nails or pens -Sweating or heavy breathing -Tightly crossed arms -Fidgeting with jewelry or cufflinks
How We React to Our Own Lies
We subconsciously have reactions to our own lies. We have a subconscious aversion to lying even though everyone does it with great frequency. Here are a few things liars subconsciously do in negative reaction to their own lies: 1. Cover the Mouth People will typically cover or wipe their mouths after a lie because they do not like what they are saying. 2. Moving Back After telling a lie you will often see the liar lean their body back as if they are trying to get away from the incriminating statement. They might also scoot back their chair. 3. Tingling Nose Scientists at the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago found that when you lie, chemicals are released in nasal tissue causing slight swelling. This increased blood flow can cause slight itching. When people lie they tend to rub their nose. Perhaps the Pinocchio fable was not so far off. Interesting Fact: Alan Hirsch and Charles Wolf watched Bill Clinton’s testimony during the Monica Lewinsky trial and tracked that when Clinton touched his nose far more times when he lied than when he was telling the truth. This example shows why baselining is very important.
Meanings of Other Everyday Gestures
• Patting: Any kind of pat on the shoulder, back or head is seen as demeaning. It is usually done by someone who feels superior to the person they are patting. • Head tilt: A head tilt means someone is engaged and interested. Women do this to flirt. Interesting Fact: In paintings over the last two thousand years, women are depicted with a tilted head three times as often as men.
• Chin Jut: When people jut their chin, it is part of the anger microexpression and
usually is a sign of aggression and defiance. • Lowered Head: A lowered head is always negative— it means someone is feeling vulnerable, judgmental, disengaged or lacks confidence. • Lint picking: Unless there is an obvious piece of lint, lint-pickers are typically extremely judgmental and opinionated. Beware! How to Get Someone to Tell You More:
When you sit down to speak with someone you want to read in-depth, there are a few tactics you should use. After baselining your subject, remember to ask openended questions and then wait for complete responses. Here are some additional ways to get the subject to divulge even more information: Do Not Fill the Silence. Wait an extra beat after your subject finishes talking to make sure they do not have anything else to add. It is amazing how much liars will divulge in these moments. Invade Their Personal Space: People get a bit rattled when you enter their personal space. Pull a chair closer, or take a step towards them. This makes them feel more transparent and will often encourage them to dig a little deeper. Ask them About Motivation: Ask someone what possible motivation there could have been for the actions in question. Honest people have a harder time coming up with answers, and might even refuse to answer you because they didn’t do it. Liars have their own reasons and therefore have an easier time coming up with possible explanations. Nod Your Head: Head nodding is a universal sign of agreement. Research shows that people will talk three to four times more than usual if the listener nods their head as the speaker talks. You can also do this when someone finishes speaking to get them to say more. When someone finishes speaking, stroke your chin (the body language for thinking) and nod your head three times to get them to keep talking. If they have anything they are holding back, this can unlock their thoughts by making you seem interested and agreeable. How to Get Someone to Confess:
Talk in a Different Way: In addition to asking someone to draw their story (as mentioned in the last chapter), you can also ask them to retell the story backwards or with different starting points. Honest people have no problem with
this, whereas liars have a more difficult time rearranging events because their story is not real. Propose Possible Rationalizations: Liars tend to feel relief or perk up when you create a rationalization for their wrongdoing. For example if someone is stealing from the company you could say, “I understand why this would happen in this hard economy, people just need a little more to get by.” See if the person acknowledges the reason with a head nod, smile or by sitting up. Tell a Worse Version: Tell the subject a more damning version of what you think happened and see if they try to correct you. If they do, you get a confession. You also can see if they react to the worse version in a different way than what you think actually happened. Let’s say you ask your teenager if they took money out of your wallet and they say no with a frozen upper body. Then you ask them if they took money and a credit card out of your wallet and they say no, but begin to gesticulate and get animated. Their different reaction to the two stories shows you that one is true and one is false. You can discern the answer by pursuing a different line of questioning. Minimize the Significance: This is a classic technique used by TV show cops all the time. Empathize with the person you are speaking with and make the wrongdoing sound like no big deal. Often times the subject will latch on to this lenient line of thinking and either confess or give you a clue as to their thinking. It is important to note that even honest people can mess up or have trouble getting out what really happened when under extreme pressure. This is why it is important to stay calm during the interaction with your subject and if you know that they are skittish, be less aggressive to keep them calm.
Chapter 6: Your Nonverbal Behavior I have spent most of the book reviewing how to read other people’s nonverbal behavior, but of course all of this applies to our own body language as well. The microexpressions I reviewed in Chapter 2 that can be read on other’s faces are also displayed on your own face when you feel a strong emotion. Here are some other areas to pay particular attention to when thinking about what your nonverbal behavior is saying to the world.
Your Nonverbal Behavior Synchronicity and Mimicry
Mimicry or synchronicity happens when your behavior mimics or mirrors someone else’s. We do this subconsciously when we feel a connection to another person, but you can also mimic someone’s behavior intentionally to build rapport. Of course you want to do this subtly and with caution. It is difficult to mimic someone in a genuine fashion. If they notice your attempts it can feel unnerving or forced. Matching someone’s cadence, tone or seating position is a delicate way of showing them you are on the same page and can be very effective and building a deeper relationship. Angle Yourself:
When people are seated directly across from one another at a table subjects are able to recall less of what is said. The other person is also always perceived to be more antagonistic. When our bodies are positioned directly opposing someone else, our brains follow suit. At everything from parties to interviews, it is best to sit or stand at a slight angle. This is much less threatening and lowers the heart rate of both participants. On dates, couches or circular tables where you can angle your body towards each other are best.
This is the ideal angle to speak at a party or meeting. You want to be turned in towards each other, but not directly opposed.
Remember you can look at foot behavior to tell if someone is not totally engaged in your conversation. Seating Choices:
In addition to choosing seats at an angle instead of directly opposing your partner, you should also avoid sitting on low sofas or chairs—they make you look small and weak. If you have to sit on a sofa sit on the edge so you are not forced to slouch. Also be sure to make use of chair arms instead of resting arms against your body. Keeping arms close to your body also makes you look weak and childlike. Avoiding Others:
Let’s say you are on an airplane and really do not want the person next to you to talk to you. Alternatively you might be on a public bus and do not want someone to sit down next to you. Here are a few nonverbal behaviors to get people to not want to connect with you: • Avoid eye contact. • Take up as much physical space as possible. • Place your items on the seat next to you.
• Slouch your shoulders. • Cross your arms. This may be rude, but will work more often than not! Why You Shouldn’t Lie Although it is not a focus of this book, readers are able to use some of the lie detection tips to become better liars themselves. Lying can be dangerous both legally and personally. A lie is considered common-law fraud if it misrepresents a material fact and the liar knows or believes that it is untrue. If the liar intends to mislead a victim into making a decision or action based on the lie, this can often lead to damage or injury to the victim. Lying is also bad for your health. Anita Kelly, a psychology professor from the University of Notre Dame, randomly put people aged 18 to 71 into two groups. One group was told to stop telling lies. The control group was told nothing. Each week the groups were asked with polygraph tests how many lies they told each week and gave updates on their relationship status and health. Amazingly, the group that was trying to tell less lies said they felt less depressed and anxious and had less health issues like colds and headaches. The group that lied less also felt their personal relationships improved. Here are some of the negative effects of lying on your health: • As seen in Anita Kelly’s study, lying raises levels of your toxic stress hormone, cortisol. • Lying is shown to increase a person’s internal negative emotions overall. • When someone is lying it, clouds their ability to think clearly. Interestingly, we often lie hoping to gain power. Power has some of the opposite effects that lying has. For example: • Power lowers levels of cortisol. • Power increases feelings of positive emotions in the power holder. • Power can increase your cognitive function, allowing you to think more clearly. Subconsciously we make the choice to brave lying in order to get a chance at receiving some of the positive benefits of power. However, power has negative social effects and when our lies do not work, we are left worse off than when we
started. The moral of the story? Tell the truth. How to Make A Great First Impression Most people will judge you within the first second of meeting you and their opinion will most likely never change. Making a good first impression is incredibly important; you only get one shot at it. Princeton University psychologist Alex Todorov and coauthor Janine Willis, had subjects look at a microsecond of video of a political candidate. Amazingly, research subjects could predict with 70-percent accuracy who would win the election just from that microsecond of tape. This tells us that people can make remarkably accurate snap judgments in a tenth of a second. How can you ensure people judge you accurately and also see your best side? First, you never want to give an inauthentic impression — many people can intuitively feel if someone is being fake. Second, any time you meet someone for the first time, you should start on the right foot. Here are a few ways you can make sure people’s first impression of you is a good one: 1. Handshakes:
Handshakes are extremely important. A firm, straight up and down handshake is most favorable. When shaking hands, you may sometimes encounter what is known as a dominant handshake. A dominant handshake is when the person attempting domination moves their hand ‘on top’ of the clasp. The weaker person is on the bottom part of the handshake because they have exposed the underside of their wrist—which is a physically weaker position. You often see politicians jockey for the dominant handshake position when meeting in front of cameras. If someone does this to you— and you feel them pull your palm up as their hand takes the upper position—beware of their aggression or perceived feelings of superiority. Two equals usually shake hands up and down with no one on the top or bottom. 2. Think Up:
How you hold yourself is a crucial part of first impressions. Everything from your posture to how you carry yourself to the way you’re angling your body
contributes to someone’s first impression of you. Often simply being aware of your body language can result in immediate improvements. Another way to examine your body language is to look at yourself on a video walking around a room. When in doubt, think up. Hold your head up, keep your shoulders up, and stand straight up. These are the nonverbal cues for confidence and strength. 3. Avoid bad days:
People who go to cocktail events or mixers after having had a bad day typically continue to have a bad day. If you are in a depressed or anxious mood others will pick up on this from your facial expressions, comments and body language. If you’re having a bad day, stay home! Otherwise find a way to snap yourself out of your bad mood. I find working out or watching funny YouTube videos before events often gets me in a more social, feel good mood. 4. Less Stuff:
Try to only carry one bag—not a briefcase and a purse. Also remove outerwear and hang it up before going into a party or interview. The more you carry the more disorganized you appear to others.
Chapter 7: Special Areas I give many examples in previous chapters using nonverbal behavior in special situations such as business, dating and parenting. Below I give a brief overview of some tips for people in love, people in business, human resource and sales as well as some advice for public speakers. Interactions Between Men and Women: Dating, Romance and Love
Courtship is one of the most difficult and nerve-ridden times of our lives. If you are trying to meet the love of your life, or just looking for a good time, body language can change the way you interact. The tips below will help give you an edge in the dating scene. Be sure to also check out my ebook on lie detection and nonverbal behavior for dating, romance and love at ScienceofPeople.org. Flirting Behavior
Like Marilyn Monroe, women who are trying to entice a man tend to raise their eyebrows and lower their lids because it looks similar to the face women make when they orgasm. •
Looking up and to the side at a man is another 'come • hither' look from a woman to a man. Intimate gazing (looking at someone’s eyes, mouth and body) as discussed in Chapter Two often engages their attention and encourages them to like you in return. • A sideways glance over a raised shoulder highlights curves and the roundness of the female face. This signifies estrogen and exposes the vulnerability of the neck and releases pheromones. Women instinctively do this when trying to flirt. •
Interesting Fact: Women pluck their eyebrows higher up their forehead because it makes them look more helpless. This is attractive to men because a women’s helplessness causes hormone release in a man's brain connected with protecting and defending the female.
Women toss their hair or touch their neck when flirting because it exposes the armpit, which releases sex hormones, shows the curvature of the neck and highlights shiny healthy hair. •
A woman’s outer genitals are proportionate to her lips. This is called selfmimicry and it helps attract males. Women call attention to their lips by wearing glossy or bright colored lipstick. •
Oddly, a limp wrist or exposed wrists are a sign of sexual submission and both women and gay men tend to do this subconsciously when in a room with people they want to attract. This is why while smoking, many women hold the cigarette with one wrist turned out and exposed. •
Interesting Fact: Men lie to appear more powerful, interesting, and successful. They lie about themselves eight times more than they lie about others. Women lie less about themselves and more to protect others feelings or to make others feel better about themselves.
Female Behavior:
Women are better at sending and picking up body language cues than men. In fact researcher Monika Moore found men often miss a women's first eye-gazing courtship signal. On average women need to eye-gaze three times before a man takes notice. In another study participants were asked to decode a silent movie. Women were able to guess what was happening 87% of the time, but men could only guess correctly 42% of the time. Interestingly gay men and men in highly emotional obs (nursing, teaching and acting) did nearly as well as women. Women might be better at reading body language because more of their brain is active when they evaluate other’s behavior. When in an MRI women have 14 to 16 active brain areas while evaluating others, whereas men only have 4 to 6 active. Women with large eyes, a small nose, full lips and high cheeks are seen by men as more attractive because these features are usually correlated with high levels of estrogen, which means the woman is more fertile. In men, women like legs, butt, and chest and arms. The majority of women favor a man’s butt as her favorite male body part. Male Behavior:
Men are not nearly as expressive as women. In fact women make an average of six facial expressions in 10 seconds, while men only make two. It would be better if men were more expressive because men are perceived as charming when they mirror their partner’s body language—and women are the more expressive sex. The more couples mirror each other; the better they tend to get along. This is why older couples begin to look alike— they mirror each other’s facial expressions and therefore get the same wrinkles and muscle definition in their faces. When men want to possess something (including a woman) they tend to lean on, touch or hold her. If you see a man drape his arm across a woman’s shoulders or the back of her chair—this is a possessive move. The “ideal” man has a strong jaw, large eyebrows and a strong nose because these correlate with high levels of testosterone, which for a woman, means he
can better provide for her. Most men are split equally between liking a woman’s legs, butt or chest. Tips for Men and Women:
When approaching a woman, men should never come up to a woman from behind, as this will put her on guard. They are better off coming in at an angle and then standing at an angle (see previous chapters on why this is beneficial for connection). •
You do not need to have perfect looks to attract a man. Studies show that men are more attracted to a woman who engages in flirtation behavior to show she is available over the best-looking woman in the room. •
Attractive Body Language: Smiling Having an expressive face Keeping your hands below chin level (above can be seen as aggressive or overanimated) Minimal arm crossing Keeping hands outside of pockets Triple head nods to show interest Intimate eye gazing Leaning towards the other person Subtle mirroring Interesting Fact: People are more likely to lie and cheat in low lighting. So beware of dark restaurants.
Business Body Language and Nonverbal Behavior
Every single one of the tips from previous chapters can be applied in the business environment. I want to point out some special tips for those in business —whether you are an entrepreneur, employer, employee, human resource director or manager. Be sure to also check out my ebook on lie detection and nonverbal behavior for businesses on ScienceofPeople.org.
Interviewing: Finding ideal employees can be a challenge. There are some tactics you can use to make interviews more successful.
Always conduct interviews without a table. If you must use a table using glass. This gives you an unobstructed view of the subject’s behavior. •
Sit angled from one another. Do not sit directly facing each other. This causes animosity and blocks recall. •
• Always
baseline someone before looking for red flags. Keep in mind, no matter how mundane your questions are, your interviewee is most likely going to be nervous for the whole interview so you will be probably only be able to get a nervous baseline. If you see a lot of red flags, don’t hesitate to schedule a second or even third interview. You might also have another colleague in the room to get a second opinion on odd behavior. •
Sales:
I have a specific set of resources for sales professionals on my website, ScienceofPeople.org, but here are a few to get you started: It is best to expose your palms and hands as much as possible when dealing with potential customers. This shows you have nothing to hide. •
If you see your prospect purse their lips, they are withholding a potential worry or piece of information. Counter this by building rapport. Get more information about their needs and concerns before you go in for your big ask. •
Try not to pitch a prospect with a desk in front of you. This immediately puts you on opposing sides. Try to sit in angled chairs next to each other. •
If you have to pitch a client over a meal, don’t expect a decision at the table. The brain loses blood flow as blood rushes to the stomach to aid digestion, so is less able to reason. •
Use nonverbal behaviors that show confidence even when you are on the phone. The moves inspire confidence for others but also for yourself. Increased •
confidence translates over the phone. Confidence Gestures: Steepling
Steepling is a great gesture of confidence—just lightly place the tips of your
fingers together. Putting your elbows on your armrest Putting your hands behind your back while standing Not crossing your arms Taking up more, not less physical space Planting your feet firmly on the ground Public Speaking
Public speaking can be incredibly difficult. By thinking about your body language as well as your words, you will be able to connect with your audience on a deeper level. Be careful not to point at your slides or the audience. This is seen as aggressive behavior. Instead squeeze your fingers together with your thumb or use an open palm point. •
When looking out at the audience be sure to use broad sweeping gestures with your eyes to make eye contact with everyone. Look at both corners and the middle of the room repeatedly to reach all audience members. •
Researchers at the Wharton School of Business found that during verbal presentations students only retain about 10% of what is said. So be sure to repeat key points and use visual aids like power points or videos. •
Never say you are nervous when speaking! The audience will then focus on finding evidence of your nerves instead of listening to the content of your presentation. •
Try to move beyond the lectern. Standing behind the lectern the entire time makes it look like you are hiding something -- the audience cannot see the bottom half of your body. •
Conclusion and Other Resources: Interpreting body language is an art based in science. Research tells us what our bodies do when we feel certain emotions. We have to interpret and act upon that knowledge in our own way. It is important to remember there is no one expression that means someone is
lying. Every behavior must be taken in context and related to other clues. Reading people also takes focus and concentration. You cannot effectively read people while looking at iPhones or multi-tasking. Giving someone your full focus will not only help you read them better, but will also show them you are genuinely interested in them—which is the best foundation for true relationships and connection. Check out my website to get my free newsletter with tips and tricks, videos and other resources, including ebooks on body language and nonverbal behavior in: Business Public Speakers, Presenters and Keynotes How to Nail An Awesome Job Human Resource Professionals Entrepreneurs Sales Female Body Language Male Body Language Doctors and Healthcare Professionals Actors To download these ebooks visit:
ScienceofPeople.org Appendix 1: Interview Tips Everyone gets nervous for job interviews and tries to prepare great responses to the interviewers potential questions. But maybe what you say is not as important as how you say it...or what your body is saying during a job interview. Are you communicating all of your best traits in an interview? What is your body language and nonverbal behavior saying to the interviewer? The tips below also work if you need to give your son/spouse/best friend some help before a job interview to help them feel more confident and get the job, so feel free to tear these out and give them to a friend. You can also email them this appendix, we have the article at ScienceofPeople.org. Here are a few tips to give you the extra nonverbal edge to get the job: 1. Have One Bag This might sound crazy, but research has found that when people carry more than one item they look disorganized, messy and scattered. If you are a man carry one briefcase if you are a woman have one purse with your notes or resume in the bag. Also, jackets count. If possible have the receptionist or secretary take your coat and hat before walking into the interview. This simple trick is a nonverbal way to make you look more sharp and put together. 2. Don't Forget the Back of Your Shoes!
One study found that female interviewers look at the back of a person's shoes in almost every interview -and this is the last impression you leave them with. So be sure you have them buffed, not scuffed. 3. Smile Right
A lot of interview advice says that people should smile more in interviews, but this is not always a good idea. What’s better is to smile right. People who smile too much are actually perceived as submissive and weak! Many studies have
shown that people in positions of power actually do not smile much at all but rather smile at the right time. You want to smile when you first meet the person and shake their hand, when you talk about subjects you are passionate about and at the end of the interview while saying goodbye. This is especially important for females--smiling too much because you are nervous or trying to build rapport actually does the opposite, it makes females look less smart not more friendly. 4. Sit Right
If possible try to sit at a slight angle from the interviewer. Our brains are funny organs, research has shown that when we sit directly across from someone we recall less of what was said, we are more negative and feel they are opposing us. Simply sitting at a slight angle can change this automatic brain bias. 5. Don't Contract, Don't Expand
In an interview you want to take up the right amount of space. When we are nervous we tend to 'turtle' which is when you bring your neck down and your shoulders up to take up less space. We also try to make ourselves as small as possible--women cross their legs, men fold their arms over their chest. This shows the interviewer you are insecure and can make it look like you have something to hide. So relax your arms, plant your feet and don't let your body show your tension. Occasionally men will do the opposite, they will try to claim territory by taking up as much space as possible, draping an arm over the couch or spreading legs wide while they talk. This is very aggressive and will make the other person taking subconscious (or even conscious note) of the territorial move. 6. Start in the Parking Lot
When possible start all of your nonverbal tips in the parking lot before you even enter the building. There are two reasons for this: • Bosses, colleagues, interviewers might see you in the parking lot or in the elevator and you only get one chance to make a first impression. I have heard many stories of people who were friendly in an elevator and that person ended up being one of the people who made a hiring decision. • Your body language builds your confidence. Researcher Amy Cuddy has found that using powerful, confident body language actually causes you to feel more
powerful. So you can rev up your confident mental state by starting early. 7. Loose Grip
When people are nervous they tend to grip the arms of their chair or clench their fists at their sides. This subconsciously sends the signal that you are preparing for battle or are defensive. Take deep breaths and keep your hands loose and relaxed. No matter what, go in and be yourself. When you are not genuine, people pick up on it. So take a deep breath, try to keep these tips in mind and show 'em what you have to offer!
Appendix 2: Microexpressions You are welcome to tear these out and bring them with you to study. Here are the seven universal facial microexpressions again: 1) Surprise: Surprise is the briefest of emotions. It occurs when the subject is shocked about something said or done.
-The brows are raised and curved—they should look like upside-down U’s -Skin below the brow is stretched -There can be horizontal wrinkles across the forehead -Eyelids are opened, with the white of the eye showing above and below -Jaw drops open and teeth are parted. The lips, jaw and mouth stays loose 2) Fear: Fear is shown when someone feels terror or apprehension. This is easy to see in action if you have the subject watch a horror movie.
-Brows are raised and drawn together, usually in a flat line -Wrinkles in the forehead are in the center between the brows, not across -Upper eyelid is raised, but the lower lid is tense and drawn up -Upper eye has white showing, but not the lower white -Mouth is open and lips are slightly tensed or stretched and drawn back 3) Disgust: Disgust happens when someone feels repulsion or aversion.
-Upper lip is raised -Nose is wrinkled -Cheeks are raised -Lines show below the lower lid 4) Anger: Anger happens when someone feels rage or extreme irritation. I also have one of a man here so you can see that even though the faces (and sexes) are different, the same characteristics apply.
-The brows are lowered and drawn together -Vertical lines appear between the brows -Lower lid is tensed -Eyes hard stare or bulging -Lips can be pressed firmly together with corners down or square shape as if shouting -Nostrils may be dilated -The lower jaw juts out 5) Happiness: Happiness is the easiest emotion to fake because a smile comes naturally to us. You can still discern true happiness or joy when you see the muscles activated on the outside corners of the eye (crows feet).
-Corners of the lips are drawn back and up in a smile -Mouth may or may not be parted, teeth exposed -A crease runs from outer nose to outer lip -Cheeks are raised -Lower lid may show wrinkles or be tense -Crows feet near the outside of the eyes 6) Sadness: Sadness, sorrow or unhappiness is the hardest emotion to fake. It is difficult to engage the lips in a frown or pull the corners of your eyebrows up without having a genuine feeling of sadness.
-Inner corners of the eyebrows are drawn up -Corner of the lips are drawn down -Jaw is drawn back -Lower lip pouts out 7) Contempt or Hatred: Contempt, disdain, scorn or hatred look very similar to a smirk, and is often used as a pretense for being happy for someone to cover up jealousy. It is a simple one-sided mouth raise.
Appendix 3: Lance Armstrong As I have mentioned, watching the news and television can be a great way to practice reading nonverbal behavior. One recent example is Lance Armstrong’s confessional interview with Oprah.
We were all shocked to find out that Lance Armstrong had been involved with illegal substances throughout his seven Tour De France wins. His interview with Oprah, sadly, showed more anger, pride and defiance than sadness and regret. Overall, he did show some nerves, but very little sadness— which is the emotion he should have been feeling if he was truly sorry for his cheating and lying. He also showed anger at the accusations, contempt at the questions, and defiance, which leads me to believe that he still thinks his actions were justified. Let’s look at Lance Armstrong’s specific body language and microexpressions throughout his first interview with Oprah to see what he was really feeling. 1. The Confession:
As Armstrong answers Oprah’s direct questions about taking banned substances, there is a distinct lack of sadness. In fact, the first real microexpression we see is when Oprah asks Armstrong “Did you ever take the banned substance EPO?” He answers and then narrows his eyes in anger —a small leak to his true feelings.
Oprah then asks him if he believes you need banned substances to win the Tour De France. He says yes and then smiles. This is a clear explanation about why he was angry at the EPO question--he believes you need to dope to win. Immediately following the smile, he shows contempt. Again, he is irritated that he is being asked these questions. Not only are sadness and sorrow missing through-out the interview. His body actually shows dominance. For example, he is seated in the open leg cross. This is the position Western cowboys sat in--it signifies confidence and aggressiveness. It also takes up more physical space than sitting in a neutral position or a closed cross, which is a way to claim territory.
Another prideful gesture is when Armstrong refers to himself in a traditional 'chest pound' which only confident, alpha males do. If he felt bad for his actions, he would not be showing such dominant behavior.
2. Why Now?
Oprah asks Armstrong about why he has been telling lies up until now. Armstrong says, "This story was so perfect for so long." And then shows a small smile, which is also known as duping delight. It pleases him that he got away with the story for so long and he liked it when it was perfect--of course, he was doping, winning and getting away with it.
3. Doping Scheme
When Oprah asks Armstrong, "How did it all work?" He pets and scratches his head for longer than needed. This is one of his few signs of nerves. Petting or scratching the head is a nervous and self-soothing gesture. Like a parent pats a child's head before bed, we do this to calm ourselves down. I think he was nervous about answering this question--whether because he is ashamed or still hiding something, I think is answered a little later in the interview. I do not believe that Armstrong feels remorse or guilt for his doping. Not only does he say in the beginning that he believes you need the drugs to win, but when he says to Oprah, "My cocktail was only..." Using the word only implies he still does not think that what he did was that bad. He also flat out says he ustifies taking testosterone because of his cancer. The final evidence for Armstrong's lack of remorse is when he is explaining the 'generation of doping' and says, "I didn't create it, but I didn't stop it. And that's what I have to feel sorry for," and then does a one sided shoulder shrug--one of the most typical body language leaks of liars. I do not believe he feels sorry at all. 4. Anger and Holding Back
Through out the interview Armstrong purses his lips together and raises his chin.
This has a double meaning, first pursing your lips usually means you are withholding information. Since I believe Armstrong feels justified in his actions, I believe he is holding back all of his justifications for what he did. And the chin raise is part of the microexpression for anger. I think he is angry that he has been caught and having to answer the questions. 5. Suing Shame
The one time I think Armstrong shows shame is when he is talking about suing people who he knew were telling the truth. Not only does he touch his face much more during this segment--a self comforting gesture we do when we are nervous. But he also uses distancing language because I think he is ashamed. He says, "It's a major flaw. It's a guy who expected to get whatever he wanted and to control every outcome." He refers to himself in the third person because I think he is ashamed he did it and wants to distance himself from those actions. 6. Contempt At Recklessness
Armstrong shows great contempt at his reckless period. Whether this is because he regrets his behavior, or because he regrets being reckless which led to him being caught--we can only guess. From other clues in the interview, I would say he is more regretful of being caught. Lance Armstrong's body language does not match his verbal content. I think his lies caught up to him and he is confessing and saying sorry because he has to.
Appendix 4: Colors Nonverbal behavior does not only have to do with the body, the colors your wear also tell the world (and yourself) something about you. Can the color you wear really affect your mood? Research says yes; color can absolutely affect your mood, behavior and stress levels.
Color specialist Leatrice Eiseman says how colors affect us correlates to that colors behavior in nature. Eiseman has asked thousands of people what they think of specific colors and has found many patterns. She explains, "We have a repository of information about a color. For example, the color blue is almost always associated with blue skies, which when we are children is a positive thing -- it means playing outside and fun. Evolutionarily it also means there are no storms to come. This is why it is reminds us of stability and calm." She cautions that there are no magic bullet answers, but there are generalities that can be gleaned from decades of research on the patterns of what people think about each color. So, how can you pick the perfect color for each situation? Based on the research, here is your personal color guide: What Color Should You Make Your Desktop: Green
What color you choose for your desktop and the colors you choose for your website can greatly affect your productivity. The color green is restful for eyes and produces the least amount of eyestrain. This is a good choice for computer desktops if you are in front of a screen for many hours. What Color to Wear for a Work Out: Orange
Orange is a color of stimulation and enthusiasm. Orange is a nice mix of red's passion and yellow's joy. Research has found that orange increases oxygen supply to the brain, produces an energizing effect, and stimulates brain activity. What Color to Wear on a Date (if you're a woman): Red Red is the color of passion and gets blood pumping. Women can wear this to get their date's heart racing. What Color to Wear on a Date (if you're a man): Blue
Blue is the most stable color. Women love seeing stable men. It is also calming and can help relax both you and your date's nerves. What to Wear If You Want to Be Seen As Aggressive: Black
Researchers examined statistics from more than 52,000 National Hockey League games and found that teams were penalized more for aggression while wearing black jerseys. (Hockey teams have two color jerseys and switch for home and away games). Interestingly, the NHL in 2003 changed it's jersey policy so that
home teams had to wear white. The authors of the study compared the sets of data and found that the same teams were assessed significantly more penalties for aggression when they wore the black jerseys than when they wore white. What Colors Should You Paint Your Office: Blue and Green
In 1999, researchers at Creighton University found that colors significantly influence employees' emotions and efficiency. Workers in blue offices felt the most centered, calm and hopeful towards their work. Since blue can lower heart rates and green reduces anxiety and is associated with money, a combination of blue and green is best for the workplace. What Color You Should Never Wear to Work: Grey
Grey inspires people to be passive, uninvolved and have a lack of energy. If you like wearing grey, pairing it with a brighter color will help offset the effect. Choosing the color of your office, your clothes or your desktop should not be taken lightly -- colors do affect our moods and productivity. However, colors are not the only thing that affects us -- one can still be efficient in a grey suit or workout well in a black outfit. But, when given the choice, picking a color that will work with you, and not against you can only help.
Appendix 5: The Best Websites on Human Lie Detection I love writing and researching human lie detection, nonverbal communication and human behavior, but I also have an amazing community of fellow authors and writers with my passion and I wanted to give them a shout out. Here are my favorite authors and blogs on human lie detection and nonverbal behavior: 1. Eyes for Lies The writer of Eyes for Lies, Renee is a professional deception and credibility expert. She teaches law enforcement in her courses and has a fantastic blog of resources. Her track record is particularly impressive–where she logs liars she has caught before the
truth was discovered. 2. Liespotting
Pamela Meyer writes Liespotting the blog and has just come out with her book which is fantastic. She also has podcasts and videos on her website, which are full of helpful insights. 3. Paul Ekman
Paul Ekman not only writes about nonverbal behavior but has really led the research in this area. His studies and books are groundbreaking and delve deep into both lie detection and nonverbal behavior–no light reading found here! You can also see his blog about the TV Show Lie to Me where he talks about the real science in each episode. 4. Science of People.org
Our blog takes some of the best research on human lie detection, nonverbal communication and human behavior from around the world and puts it into easy to understand articles and videos for our readers. 5. Joe Navarro Joe’s book What Every BODY Is Saying is a great overview of nonverbal communication and the body. 6. Spying for Lying
Spying for Lying always has very current and up to date videos and commentary on news coverage. It’s a great way to stay up on what’s happening in the nonverbal world. 7. Statement Analysis
Mark McClish has this informative website about lying and nonverbal behavior. His news videos are also very informative. 8. Kevin Hogan
Kevin Hogan is a body language expert and has many articles (as well as
workshops) on nonverbal behavior and communication. 9. The Political Lie Detector
This is a really interesting angle on lie detection and focuses more on the political sides of things. They take the public pulse by distributing polls, quizzes, and surveys to users.
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