How to build your self esteem:
People are often often confused about what it means to have self-esteem. self-esteem. Some think it has to do with the way you look or how popular you are with your friends. Others believe that having a great body will help you gain self-esteem, while many think you actually need to have accomplished something something in order to have good self-esteem. The simplest way to describe, understand and apply self-esteem is appreciating yourself for who you are — faults, idiosyncrasies, the good the bad and the ugly. Self- esteem is not dependent on what you have or dont have. !ts dependent dependent on the acknowledgement of your strengths strengths and weaknesses weaknesses and moving through the world proud and aware. "ow can a person increase their self-esteem# Here’s how. People with a good and healthy self-esteem are able to feel good about themselves for who they are, appreciate their own worth, and take pride in their abilities and accomplishments. They also acknowledge that while theyre not perfect and have faults, those faults dont play an overwhelming or irrationally large role in their lives or their own self-image. 1. Ass Assess ess you your r Self-E Self-Este steem em Bank Bank-- You can’t fix what you’re unaware of . $ssessing your self-estee $ssessing self-esteem m bank re%uires re%uires you to spend a fair amount of time identifying identifying irrational thoughts in order to avoid dissatisfaction from within. &efore you begin to assess your 'S() self-esteem you must first understand that, we all have our not so pridefu pridefull moments moments and telling telling oneself oneself *! suck, suck, ! cant do anything anything right+ right+,, wont wont remedy the problem instead, take control and acknowledge your flosses and imperfections and move on. Exercise: et a piece of paper. raw a line down the middle of it. On the right-hand side, write/ *Strengths+ and on the left-hand side, write/ write / *0eaknesses.+ 1ist 2 of each or even 34. These numbers may seem like a lot but drafting this list will help you see that you are far greater then you give yourself credit for and thats the whole point of this e5ercise. !f youre having difficulties coming up with a whole 2-34 Strengths and 0eakness, 0eakness, think about what your family, friends and coworkers have said to you over the years. *6oure such a great friend+ 6oure 6o ure always there for me7+ *! love the fact that you pay close attention to details *!m glad youre a great cook because ! burn water.+ *! love the fact that youre social and outspoken, thats very attractive+.+ (ven if you think the Strengths are not *cool+ or too small, write them down and be proud, thats what makes you special. 6ou may be surprised at how easy it is to come up with all 34 strengths or even more, when you approach it from this perspective perspective..
i!s: ransformin" #eaknesses into Stren"ths. Some of the *weaknesses+ youre now becoming ac%uainted with may move swiftly and change sides moving to your *Strengths+. Sometimes you may see them as weakness when in fact you may be able to use them as powerful tools called strengths. Exam!le: *!m too sweet+ *! eat too much+ 8ow you see where ! was coming from# 0ho doesnt want to be loved and have a sweet person by their side# !f eating too much is your weakness, set goals to lose weight, f ind a suitable diet. Try to identify *weakness+ they may not be real 0eaknesses and take pride in them. !ts okay to feel vulnerable, embrace it if it feels good to you use it to your advantage. $. Set %ealistic Ex!ectations. 8othing can damage ones self-esteem than setting unrealistic e5pectations. !t is important when setting e5pectations to be honest with yourself and know if your goals are attainable or unattainable and if the time span is reasonable or not. Here’s a few personal examples. ! remember graduating from college and thinking ! was going to be at irector 1evel by the time ! was 94 years old, ! graduated when ! was only :; and only gave myself < years to be at director level when ! had =ust =umped into a career ! didnt even have a degree for-needless to say, I’m still working my way there,+, my other best e5ample is * !m going to have 34 children by the time !m 94+ > fortunately, that has not been the case and I don’t want it to be. 6ou see, our minds change over time and so do the things we may think we want at that particular moment. The things you may want today may take a different shape or even importance or priority level down the road, so slow down on your personal pressure to accomplish your goals overnight. #hen settin" u! "oals& kee! these ti!s in mind. 3) Be flexible- it adds clarity to your ultimate goal, it helps you ad=ust your timeline and how youre going to achieve your ultimate goal and ideas with no additional and unnecessary pressure. :) Be o!en minded-it helps you go far beyond your mind limits allowing your creativity to take over 9) Be reasonable with the timeline, some goals?changes take longer time then others taking your time to accomplish something gives you the opportunity to understand the reason for the change as well as allowing it to sink in and be a part of your 8$. !n other words, it wont be a temporary fi5 or change. The change youre seeking will be permanent because you have allowed the change over a period of time to gradually be a part of you.
'ind (ames: o not allow your mind to betray you. 6ou have more control of making changes and accomplishing what you want then you may think. This is why realistic e5pectations is the basis of making changes and being successful when goal setting in order to accomplish your goals. The reason for this is because realistic e5pectations will protect you from future disappointments and crushing your ego and self-esteem. ake this exam!le *! want to shelter my daughter for the rest of her life so she wont get hurt by anyone+, @this is very irrational and unattainableA but guess what# Thats not a reason to stop me from teaching her to be strong and smart and make smart choices that will in turn help her protect her from getting hurt see the difference in e5pectations# $ttainable and Bnattainable 343. $lways remember, there is difference between the way we think and the way we should think to better help us get through life and life challenges. i!: CDheck your mental e5pectations and see if they keep disappointing you 6our self-esteem will thank you. She will make me happy :) hell agree with me a) $nalyEing your mental e5pectations will help you asses your internal and irrational thoughts and in turn, help you stop the cycle of negative thinking about yourself and reinforce your negative self-esteem. b) !f those two e5amples were to turn into negative results, meaning >'shes unable to make you happy when you trusted her to or he not only disagrees with you, he completely disagrees with you, your 'S() will be brutally crushed because you have mentally relied on others to agree with your wants not realiEing that you are not giving them the opportunity to tell you or show you how they feel. How would you feel if someone put all this pressure on you? c)
ont get blinded and get lost in your head, allow others to choose how they feel and choose what they want to do assuming something will lead you to get disappointed unnecessarily.
d) &e observant of the times you feel tempted to make assumptions on behalf of others, this will save you heartache. 0e all do it unconsciously, but its the way you prepare yourself mentally when it doesnt go your way that makes a difference. Some of us are stronger than others to deal with disappointments. e) Theres nothing wrong in being positive and thinking ahead that the person will do as you wish, the problem comes if the result is not as e5pected and you feel re=ection. Fnow that
). *reate your own !erfection not t he !erfection others ex!ect from you. $ttaining approval and satisfaction from everyone is unattainable this is why it is important to understand what perfection means to you. "aving an idea of the perfect a wife, husband, girlfriend?boyfriend, son or daughter etc. is important for your self-esteem building. Once your personal idea of perfection has been clearly understood and identified by you, you can freely go about life making clear choices, based on your wants and needs. Others e5pectations of you or even others successes will not affect you in any way not even if you try to boycott yourself. Seeing others winning or even living *the life+ will not affect you neither because you have your own ideals and ways of going about your *perfect life+. 6ou may identify specific *winners+ along the way and use them as an inspiration and reassurance that it is possible to be a winner, but you will not see them as a competition. Gemember, it was their perfection that led them to win not yours. 8o one sees perfection the same way the ne5t person sees it. The only difference between someone with a low self-esteem and someone with a high self-esteem is that the low self-esteem person is yet to identify their perfections and what perfection means to them and is only focusing on their imperfections. The person with a high self-esteem on the other hand, al ready knows what perfection means to them and e%ually understand and embrace their imperfections and weaknesses and dont get bummed for their failures and weaknesses instead, they utiliEe their failures to their advantage, they use it as a tool, as a way of creating different strategy 'ies) the ne5t time around or even view it as an inspiration to try harder ne5t time. 'y !erfection +s. ,ther’s !erfection Hany of us hide who we are and what we like to please others, we see our perfection through the eyes of others but in the process, we fail to embrace and love who we are and who we want to be and lose sense of our own perfection. Exam!le: 0hile many women may be able to relate to this e5ample, this e5ample may be used in any scenario when one is seeing perfection through the eyes of others. *! want to have a perfect body like I-1o+ -Make sure you’re being realistic in what your perfect or an ideal body means to you and not what others expect you to hae.
i!s/ a) $pply this concept for anything you do, always stop and %uestion yourself to understand if youre doing it because you feel its time for change or because you feel someone would appreciate you more if you did or changed something about you. Once this is clear in your mind you can get that body you want. b) $ccomplishing something for you is different than accomplishing something for someone else. The reason for this is because youre using another person as the ob=ect of your attention and if this person leaves you or disappoints you in any way, the ideal body or that thing you were
making a change for will take a different shape, interest and level of importance since it wasnt your *ideal body+ but someone elses. Jurthermore, !f your body is slim and you have a straight figure and no curves, it would be important to know that it will be difficult to attain a pear shape like that of I-lo 'refer to realistic and unrealistic expectations), but as long as you know the steps to reach that goal and you stick to it, you will accomplish it and be satisfied. Feep in mind that in order to see the difference in your body you have to eat the right foods and follow a specific regimen which no matter how difficult it may be you, you will follow because after all youre doing it for you and no one else- this is your perfection arade our Accom!lishments: Hake notes of all of your accomplishments daily, weekly or even monthly, parade them in your head if you have to. !t feels good to know you did7 $s big or as small as they may be, grab a hold of them as you achieve them and dont de-value them by saying, *Oh, that# Thats =ust so easy for me, no big deal.+ !t may even be a good idea to keep track of them on a =ournal so you can you look back and take pride in your *accomplishment lis t+. 6ou see, the key is to get to your smaller then bigger goals accomplished and move on from each one and make it your personal life pro=ect. Oh and for those *weakness+ also called *!mperfections+ !ts =ust as important to learn from them and make them your allied in life. 0e all make mistakes and are far from being perfect, but imperfections are simply opportunities to learn from and grow. The media, celebrities and movies portray perfection with their looks and lavish lifestyles, but dont be fooled theyre =ust as imperfect as we are. (mbrace your imperfections it feels good. i!: 1earn to push yourself out of the self-pity and negative self-talk, these types of self-talks wallow in one after the other and turn into a vicious circle.
/. Be #illin" to Ad0ust our ,wn Self-ma"e. Self-esteem building is useless if you base it on who you used to be. The reason for this is because you are dwelling on things you used to be and are not at the moment. 6ou mightve lost your touch or youre simply no longer interested or may not be as sharp as you used to. *! used to be great at volleyball, ! used to be the star of my team, now !m a lousy player, !m getting old+. Gemember, embrace the fact that you were great at that one thing or those things in the past and now your life interests have changed or perhaps you dont have the time to practice as much and youve lost your touch. 8otice the difference in the way of thinking and the way you can change your self-talk# et over your past and how fantastic you used to be, asses the great things about you now and trade them for the old ones. Perhaps youre great writer or even a great speaker, and couldve been in the past but either didnt have the interest or the time to be as great as you are today. Theres defiantly something great about you now find it7 ta lk about it7 and take pride7.
1iving in the past will not do you good unless youre using it to your advantage. $s ! have been telling you throughout this entire chapter on this book, !f you choose to tap into the old you, make sure it is to your advantage and not to hurt your self-esteem. *! was a great Track Gunner but ! traded the tracks for a pen !m now a great writer, !f you wouldve asked me what ! would be doing now 32-:4 years ago, ! wouldve never said !ll be writing screen plays for &roadway.+ PG!( !8 TO$67 Self-esteem boost i!: 0henever you find yourself attempting to boycott your self-esteem with negative talk, you know thats your %ue to assess you weakness and strengths and refocus on the teachings of this chapter.
2. Sto! *om!arin" ourself to ,thers. Domparing yourself to others is very easy but yet harmful in so many ways. 0e discussed this in section 9. !ts ok to look at other peoples success as a reference, that success is possible, but remember that everyone is perfect in their own way if you find that someone who is working out as hard as you looks better then you, instead of putting yourself down, why dont you ask them about their diet and routine, who knows you may be able to do it together. ont utiliEe the selfmutilation route before you e5haust all other options. Seeing others doing better then you may be difficult but always keep in mind that there may be so many other aspects about that persons life that you may be so much successful at. That same guy whos body you find to be so amaEing is struggling in a loveless marriage, ill parents, missing child etc., and they may use e5ercise are their distraction. 8o ones life is as perfect as it can be but it may seem that way because the person is able to control their emotions and focus on the good things in their lives
3. #ra! it u! 6ou have made a great step in getting to know yourself. Self-e5ploration leads to amaEing changes when youre ready to make them. Host of the people that become interested in the topic are the most charismatic, balanced and healthiest in any group you can almost pick them out in a crowd by their energy and self-acceptance these people are the most contagious and easy going people to hang around. ive yourself the opportunity to take a deep dive inside yourself and open yourself to new opportunities, new thoughts, viewpoints, new friendships and overall, learn to accept and love 6OB.
