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45
peope change imroving your imae execises and experimen
101 1 13
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134 134 138 141 14 143 143 143 144 148 14
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how to spot a liar
viii
small talk
exercises and experiments
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In this book you will learn a language which everybody knows already. This is the language of the body. Evey time we talk to someone else the body supplements what we say with dozens of small gestures, eye movements, changes in posture and facial expression. The fact that everybody knows this language already will not prevent preve nt you from learn l earnng ng to 'speak it more efectively. efectively . Hence the reason for this book. Most people do not realize just how much they use this unspoken language every time they communicate with another peson. They use it unconsciously. And so do you. It may be that yo, too, do not realze it is possble to use body anguage more eectively. This book will prove otherwise If you read it caefully and put its guidance into practice, especially through the exercises and experiments it contains, you will find youself becoming more skilled in the use of body language. Ad also more skilled in understandng other peopes use o it. In the last 20 yeas, a great deal of esearch has been carried ot in non-verbal ommunication. Workers rom the various icpies of psychology, sociology, anthropology and linguistics ave tied aspects of human behaviour that appear to have a comnicatve fncton. A number of subdisciplines have g up kinesics, proxemics proxemics and paralinguistics, paralinguistics, for instance o provde provde umbrellas nder nder which which varios varios kinds kinds of esearch ve been undertaken. The result is that we now know a good al more than we did abot human interaction at the micro vel. In many cases, what was intuitvely felt to be true on the sis of common sense has been confirmed, bt in others it has ot. The purpose here is to explore this rapidly developing feld o discover what has been learned and to assess the practical mplications and applicatons of this new knowledge. We have
o C n o
2
tended in the past to iew communication between people as almost excusiely a matte of using language It is time we took moe seious account of the impact of nonebal factos in face toface inteaction This book sets out to explain what is known fom eseach findings about the skils and techniques of body langage sch as bodily contact, poxmity, oientation, facial expessions noneba aspects of speech, and so on It examines how this knowledge is appied in a aiety of contexts and also how it may be applied to bette effect The emainde of this intoduction will, theefoe, oine biely, but in a little moe detail than is possible in a tabe of contents, the topics that you can expect to encounte late Hopefuly, this wil help to conince you that it wi be woth you whie to peseee with you eading of the book and pehaps also to paticipate in some of the pactica execises and expeiments which ae suggested at the end of each chapte In the use of body anguage, as in many othe fieds, at least as much may be eaned fom doing as fom eading about what othes do But the main hope in poiding this ouine is that, by the time you each the end of this intoduction, you wil hae a ceae idea of what is meant by the tem 'body anguage, what kinds of behaiou it incudes incud es and also, om thei omission, what kinds of behaiou it is meant to incude ye contact and diection of gaze ae consideed in Chapte 1 They ae aguaby the most potent means of nonebal communicaton we possess ye contact maintined a faction of a second onge than the indidua looked at consdes appopiate can ead to a eaction of physica aggession o, in anothe context, be taken as an indication of sexua attaction We hae to be cae what we ae dong with ou eyes Chapte 2 deas with facia expessions, incuding sming The smile is one of the few uniesas in body anguage, as is the 'eyebo ash of ecognition and geeting Ou faces may not aways be ou fotnes, but they ae cetainy whee some of the most powel noneba signas oiginate Head moements and head nos, though sticy speaking gestues, ae consideed sepaatey n Chapte 3. Thei ole in socia inteaction is expained and the mpotance f head nods when listening to othes is discssed Gestues an body moements poide the focal point fo Chapte 4. t is in ths aea that many eseaches hae looked
for evidence of he exisence of a ody lanuae wih sric rules like spoken lanuaes so far wihou success However as we shall see there are some indicaions ha cerain esures in cerain culures have uie specific and fixed meanins and a nuer of gesure lanuaes do exist such as hose used y deaf people u here are many and obvious diferences eeen these and he way gesures are used in normal everyday life Chapter 5 examines the role of posure and stance in body lanuae Unil recenly his was houh o e an area more suied o treatmen in manuals of eiuee ad deportmen u it is now eing taken more seriously as an aspect of ehaviour which can e rich in useful nonveral sinals Posure can for insance e a ood indicator of an individuals sate of mind a the ime at which communicaion is akin place
Chapter 6 we look a proximity and orienaion Like posure orienaion can ell us a good deal aou individuals aiudes both o hose with whom they are communicain and o he nature subject and seting of the communication. The concep of personal space is explored toether wih errioriality in human behaviour There is also a rief discussion of the concep of defensile space and is personal and social importance Chapter 7 deals wih ody conac and ouchin The main distinction that is made eween hese wo is one of inen for the former carries he implication of accidenal ouchin and he ltter implies a delierae act Bu he difference is no a riid one nd it is perhaps only possile o disinuish he two on the asis which par of he ody is doin he ouchin; touchin implies ht the hands are ein used o make he conac Chapter 8, appearance and physiue are discussed Simple hnges to hese can have a sinican eec upon an individuals li to interac successflly wih ohers. ter 9 considers imin and synchronizaion as aspecs of o d languae The imporance of ime in Wesern culure ives n imporan role in communication How well we hronize when alkin wih ohers can also e a major facor cessful ineracion ter 10 considers he nonveral aspects of speech. What we an e consideraly affeced y our use delierate or nscious of pauses 'ers 'us chanes in tone pich pace accen o name u a few of he feaures ha are more ortan han many people suppose
Cra drcs s of ody agag ar ocs o ao Car a as ad r o gg so o or sa, xcd ad sgca drcs, as w as o xor gra ar o cross cra varaos ovra avor Car 2 xors ro of ody agag occuaos sc as rsg, acg, vso rvwg, sss ad or fors o coac w c Car cosdrs s ro varos saos cord vryday , as w as as o dcv ors A sysac aroac o aayzg or os ody aguag drg sa a s sggsd Car 4, ao ovs o ar ayd y ody agag sasg ad aag raoss w oos sx cosdrs ow ovra avor ca sd o a a dvda aar or aracv w r sf rsao ad rsso aag Car 5 cosdrs ro o ody aguag rsoa dvo, dscusso of s rol sc aras as cousg ad dvo of racv ss xas ow cv s of ody agag ca cor o rsoa growt ad xoao of ua dvo I addo, ro of ody agag dvo o syrgc ras (a s, os wc oco s grar a s of dvda s) s xod, ogr w s ro sasg raor, ay ad a ss of ogrss aso sggss ow ovra avor ca osrvd ad rcordd or aayss
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eye contact and directon of e are te mot potent mean of nonverba commun cation we poe eye cotact maintained a faction of a secod loer tan te individual ooked at conider appropriae ca ead to a reactio of pysical areio or e ake as a indcation of seal atrao we ave o look a are doin wit o eyes
We begin iproving our astery of body anguage by ooking at the eyes and at how they are used in the process of everyday face toface counication We begin with the eyes because they are the ost powerfu eans of counication we possess, after words (athough soetimes a singe glance can speak voues, as they say) This power of the eyes is at its greatest, of course, when two people are ooking at each other (which usualy eans looking at each others eyes) This i usualy caled utua gaze or, as we shal ca it here, eye contact hy eye contact shoud be so powerfu is not cear Seeral writers on nonverba coucation (an ateative and more accurate term fo body language) have specated on the possible reasons Soe have suggested that, o the cradle, we d other peoples eyes of copeig terest and wil even respond to sets of circes that look ike eyes because it is through the eyes that we st hae contact with othes Soe have suggested our response to eye contact is istctive and coected wth basic survival pattes, i that yougsters who coud secure and reta eye contact, and therefore aention, stood the best chance of beg fed and of havig their other needs satsed Others have suggested that the signcance of eye contact is learned and that, as we grow up, we quickly lea not to sbehave an adut is watcg us o we lea that certai kds of ook te us that peope ike us (or disle us) Whatever the reasons, the power of eye contact in counica tion is clear and we shal give ost of our attention hre to considering the fors it takes, the uses it can be put to, and how we can use it ore effectivey First of al, though, et u� begin our study of eye cotact with an exercise It wil be hepfu, as you ead through this book, if you ca find the tie to carry out the simple exercises and experients described In this way, you will earn better body anguage in the sae way you would earn o impove any other language Here is an exercise in eye contact for you to try as soon as a suitabe opportunity presents itsef Afe it, we sha discuss the kind of resuts you ight have exected We sha do this in each chapter so that you wil have ety of opporunities o put the instruction ofered into actice You wi find it hepfu if, as you work though this ok, you record your responses to the exercises i a notebook tenatively, if you have a cassette recorder, you may prefer to ecord the on tape n this way, you wi have soethig to efer to when you read through the Exercise review, which llows each aor exercise You wil find that this increases the beefit you derive fro your study of body anguage
7
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Exercise wat are tey ookig at Nex ie you re pu pe, ike r or resur, osee he oher peope prese s sreey s you Noe how they ook eh oher whe hey re kig Noe how og eh perio of eye o is (o ee o e jus ote wheher he uu ges re sho or og) Do hey spe eir ie ookig eh oher or o hey ook rou he oher peope p ese? Do hey spe uh ie ookig ojets i he roo? How o hey ret we soeoe eers or eves? Wh ks of peope ook eh oher he os ( es) whe hey re tkig? How o he pers of eye ot of peope siig se y sie er fro hose of peope siig opposie eh oher? Wh ese o you oe ou pers of eye o?
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If your isree oseios re oie y ohers, i wi e vise to o he for whie The reso for his is ht peope re i upreite wys o eig whe Soe eoe errsse, soe wi osier you soe so of etri, others y eoe irrie eve ggressive You igh ike to speue o why his shou e so Wh is ou eig wthe h shou e so isurig? Soe of he possie resos wi e suggese i the ext seio, u you wi fi i usefu o osier he proe firs yoursef efore you re the
Excis eview So, wh i you fi o? If he oseos you e were yhig ike typi (s iie y he reserh suies o whih his ook is se) you wi proy hve oe soe of he foowig pois:
Whe peope re tkg, hey o o ook eh oher the whoe tie, u oy series of ges I pes ike rs resurs soe ie w e spe
ookig t oher peope prese, espeiy hose who re rive or who y e ehvig oy (eg ruks hose egge i ispues wih wier) Ue he ove reri ppy, ie eio wi e pi to ee of he esshet eve ofieti ovios wi proy oue uerupe whe s re withi ersho (he se usuy hppes i pes ike s hueur-riv rs). Whe peope py ore eio o ojets i h roo eve o he eoo, y sigify h hey re ore wih the overso, re ewoers o he pe, or r so fiir wih eh oher (eg hose wo hve ee rrie og tie) th ie overso is eess (or possie)
5 Levg or eerg roo es o r eo My peope who re e errsse ou wkg oe io r or resur e o forge h hs urosy s yp h w ese s soo s soeoe ese eers Those who re hvg ie, perso overso my ook eh oher ore for oger h hose who re o eope sg oppose eh oher w sp y ore eye o h hose sg se y se If hose sg se y se esre ore eye o hey w ur o fe eh oher You wi proy o hve ee oug hs exerse for y ues efore soeoe hs oe wh you re og or s es wre h you re o ehvg ory.
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Soe of he posse resos why peope f isurg o e whe y soeoe ese re
The wher y hve he eo of hrg he soe wy Beg whe kes you sk yoursef why you re eg whe, whh kes you sef-osious herefore ueres your sef-ofee. The whe y fee hey ough o reogze he wher f hey o hs y sur he per of her ierio wih ohers They y hk he wher s sexuy re o he y o f h or her rve, whh wou ke he w o vo eye o They wou f hs u, herefore errssig o r rrg, f he wher oue whg 5 They y e eg rher sy, s peope oe re whe wh ove oes or fres, y fee h he whg srger wi ssue hey re wys ke h Ths gh e ow o her imges of heseves ege sophse peope They y ke he whg s sg h he wher ws o o heir group group eers oe o weoe ewoers s his es he sruure of he grou p The ser he group, he sroger hs feeg y e (wess he popur prover, Twos ompy, hree's row)
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Eye gamm Nw tht we he cleted ur frt eerce, le u ee e f he fr ee cct c ke d e f he rul ht vern t ue e cct c e l l ( he ver gze t ech ther ee) r c hr ( he kg t ee w kw de t lke re )
9
can be direc (a bold fullfrontal gaze) or indirec. It can be inermiten (he kind we use in conversaion simply o check ha the oher person has undersood us) or continuous (as in a sare). There are rules abou where we can look a each oher and for how long. Try looking a someones genital region or down a girls lowcu dress and you will soon realize hat you have broken a rule. Many people will find it embarrassing jus o read tha last sentence le alone try it ou so rigid is the rule under all but the mos excepional circumsances.
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Too much eye conac can be very unsetling for most people. Saring is usually considered impolie a the very least. The only people who seem o be able to use a frank open stare are young chidren in whom i may even be regarded favourably as a sign of a healthy curiosity about he world. I is nearly always oleraed in children but some mohers (specially of middleclass backgrounds) may ell children of school age ha is rude o stare. I is almost never oleraed in adults and hose who stare are oen regarded as mentally decien or socially dangerous and hreaening in some way. A coninuous sare is an easy way o unsele or provoke someone. Most of he rules of eye grammar (as is the case wih all oher forms of body language) are dependen on the conext in which eye contac occurs. Some however are universal that is to say they have similar applicability in any conext a any ime anywhere in he world (or almos anywhere). The main ones according o Michael Argyle (see Furher Reading a the back of he book) and oher researchers are:
Too much eye conac (as in saring or frequen glances at anoher person) is generally regarded as communicaing superioriy (or a leas he sense of i) lack of respect a hrea or hreaenig atiude and a wish o insul. Too litle eye conact is inerpreted as not paying atenion being polite beg sincere showing dishonesty or being shy. Wihdrawig eye conact by lowering he eyes is usualy taken as a signal of submission. A person ill look a anoher a o when: they are placed far apar hey are discussing impersonal or easy topics they are ineresed in he oher and heir reactions
they like or love the other perso they are tryig to domiate or iflece the other they are extrovert they are depedet on the other ad the other has bee resposive A person will look at aother very little whe: they are placed close together they are discssig itimate or diiclt topics they are ot iterested i the others reactios they dot like the other perso the other perso is of higher stats they are itroverted they are sfferig from oe of certai forms of metal illess
People will commicate with each other more effectively if their iteractio cotais the amot of eye cotact they both id appropriate to the sitatio
U of y ontat A mber of the ses that we make of eye cotact have already bee metioed, bt there are others Broaly speakig, most of the ses ca be groped ito six categories We establish eye cotact whe we are:
Seekig iformatio Showig attetio ad iterest Ivitig ad cotrollig iteractio 4 Domiatig, threateig and iflecig others Providig feeback drig speech Revealig atties et s examie each of these categories a little more closely The id of informatio we acqire throg eye cotact cosists of ch thigs as cles abot whether or ot someoe is tellig s the trth (liars ted to avoid eye cotact ess they are very baze); whether soeoe likes s or ot; whether te other on is payig atetio to or erstadig what we say; t a persos state of mid is (people who are depressed or overted, for istace, tend to avoid eye cotact); ad whether rso recogize s or ot (here, eye contact will be sed ether with facial expressio to arrive at a decisio)
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As soon as we ook a someone, hey know hey have our aenon If we ook at them for onger han a few seconds, hey w nfer ha hey aso have our neres Eye conac pays a va roe n one aspec of showng aenton and neres n sexua atraction Consder the probem of indcatng o a sranger ha you are sexuay aracted o her (or hm) f you are unabe (or too shy) o ook a her We sha consder he part payed by a aspecs of body anguage n sexua atracton n Chaper 14. When we ook a someone, we nve hem o nteract wh us If hs Qeracon akes pace, eye conact is then used n a number of ways to conro he naure and duraon of the nteracon I pays a major roe n synchronzng wha happens beween wo peope o ony is here more ookng at he other when senng han when speakng, bu eye contac aso sgnas the en of an uterance when one speaker s, as t were, handng the foor over o he other When we gree peope we no ony ook a hem bu aso move our eyebrows up and down quicky once Ths 'eyebrow fash as s ced occurs wordwde n a varey of cuures as an ndcaon of recognton and greetng (see Chaper 2) When eye conac s broken, another pattern is seen Indvduas hauay break gaze to ef or to rght tha s, when they ook away, they ook o somehing ese to the rgh or he e of he speaker There is some evdence to sugges tha eft breakers tend to be arts rather than sciene-rained and to be vsuazers wh srong magnaton Rght breakers tend o be scence-traned and to have ess visua imagnation Further, if peope are posed verba quesons they wi tend to break gaze o he rght and downwards; f hey are asked spati questons hey w tend o break to the eft and upwards, thogh this tendency s not as marked Wnkng can aso be used to onro ineracton to ndcae hat somethng is not to be take seios or o show a frendy aude toward the other Long, unfckerng ooks are used by those who seek to domnate, threaten, nmdae or otherwse infuence others Mn peope do no ike to fee domnated or threatened so ha, this knd of behavour occurs n stuatons ike negotiions or nterviews, can have an adverse effect on the outoe Feedback s mportan when peope are speaking o eh other Speakers need to be reassured that others re seng and seners need to fee ha ther atentiveness s ppreed nd ha speakers are akng to them rather than a the oh sets
of reurements can e met y the approprate use of eye contact The eects of eye contact n nterpersonal communcaton are explored n the exercses at the end of ths chapter. Atttudes are ofen revealed y the wllngness or otherwse of one person to provde another wth opportuntes for eye contact eople who le each other engage n ore eye contact than those who do not Aggresson an extreme form of domnance may e sgnalled y prolonged eye contact the phrase 'eyeall to eyeall confrontaton coneys what s nvolved here. Shame emarrass ment and sorrow are usually characterzed y the delerate avodance of eye contact Other emotos too have typcal eye ehavour. When people are excted ther eyes tend to ae rapd scang movements When they are afrad ther eyes appear to he frozen open as f not to mss the slghtest movement that may rng danger nearer When people are angry ther eyes narrow ofen nto lttle more than slts. Sadness s expressed y loong downwards as well as y reducng eye contact and ths seems to happen almost unversally
ar nt y ntat It s not part of the purpose here to dscuss research methods and those who are nterested n explorng the suect of eye contact n more detal should read Ga a Mual Ga y Mchael Argyle and Mar Coo (Camrdge Unversty ress). But t s nterestng to note that experments have shown that people especally chldren wll respond even to very smple drawngs of eyes n much the same way as they respond to eyes themselves Eye movements when percevng statonary oects or when readng follow smlar patterns to those used n the percepton of people There are cultural varatons n eye contact as we shall see n Chapter . A good deal of evdence has accumlated to ndcate that greater eye contact leads to greater lng you can actually come to le someone more y engagng n more eye contact wth them There are consderale ndvdual dferences n the amounts and es of eye contact employed (as for nstance etween ntro erts and extroverts or men and women) and there s the nsequent need to note the context carefully efore attemptng free an terpretaton ·of the precse meanng of a partcular atern of eye contact atterns of eye contact change wth certan nds of mental llness and ths may ecome a dagnostc tool n
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the future. Even when people are talg on the telephone, and therefore caot see each other, eye movement patterns have many similarites wth those in facetoface communication In these and other areas, research nto eye contact and eye movement behavour is revealing that the communcative uses of the eyes are many and varied The eyes are coming to be seen as much more than 'windows to the soul and t will be useful at this point to consder some of the secrets of the eyes that we are only now beginning to learn.
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Wat or ls an ta s Two intriguing facts about eye behaviour have been dscovered in recent years One is that when we see somethng interesting our pupils dlate The other is that we like people with dlated pupils better than those with contracted pupils. The first fact was the result of research carried out by Eckard Hess and reported in his book Th TllTal Ey (Van ostrand Reinhold). In hs experiments he showed people a set of fve pctures: a baby, a mother and baby, a nude male, a nde female. and a landscape He measured pupil responses to these pictures and found that mens pupils dilated most to the nude female (except for homosexuals, whose pupls dlated most to the male nude). Womens eyes dilated to the male nude, but dilated most to the mother and baby His researches established that these pupl changes equated to peoples interest in the various pictures Hess also showed people two pictures of the face of an attractive girl The pictures were identical, but in one the pupils had been retouched to make hem appear larger. Almost everyone asked thought the picture wth the enlarged pupils was more attractve, but very few were able to say why. It seems, thereore, that while we respond to pupil changes, we are not aware of their effect on our responses at the conscous level (see Figure 1 . 1 ) . Ppil responses have also been used to measure attitudes towards various thigs, such as products advertised or political candidates: the more favourable the attitude, the more dilated the pupils. It is also possible to measure changes in attitude by measuring changes n pupi responses over tme Because pupil changes are not within our conscous control they provide a very reliable indication of interest, araction and a number of derent attitudes.
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fac ar mii. m f aar c a i i c r wa y i k?
Makng br f yr y How can we use te knd of nformaton gven n te last few pages to mprove our use of ts aspect of body language? Frstly, we can become more observant We can, wtout makng t too obvous, pay a lttle more attenton to were oter people are lookng and for ow long We can be partcularly oservant about any canges n pupl sze Ts can clearly be done only wt people we are pyscally close to We can note te amouts of eye contact tat te derent ndvduals we meet seem to prefer And we can remember tat we can oen tell tngs about oters real tougts and feelngs from ow and were tey look tat tey would never tnk (or dare) to put nto words econdly, we can engage more eye contact n order to promote greater lkng of ourselves by oters and to produce oter postve responses Thrdly, we can rememer tat, on most occasons, a drect, open gaze s preerale to any nt of avodance of eye contact or tendency to look uckly from one tng to anoter (wc may e interpreted y oters as sness on our part) Next, we can use all te nformaton gven above to ncrease our enstvty to te kns and amounts of eye contact approprate dferent contexts and avod the extremes of starng or a total usal to meet someone elses gaze
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We can develop positive attitudes towards oher peope since this will, quite unconsciously and without any efort, promote a more effective use of eye contact on our part. We can develop a more outgoing approach to other peope for the same reason. If you like people and go out of your way to m with them, this does seem, quite naturally, to produce a better use of eye contact. Finally, we can use the information given in later chapters about other aspects of body language to enable us to integrate better use of eye contact into much more effective depoyment of al our non-verbal and verbal commuication skills.
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What you shoud do now is to set some time aside over the next few days for practising the various uses of eye contact explored in the exercises which follow.
Exri and xprmnt wh I' lkig yu
a
With perso you kow we i eouter provie the with uh eye ott s you without errssig the Do they pper to tke this s sig tht you wt to r on tkig proog the eouter? You shou fi tht they o
2 Srig dw Stre t soeoe ut they look wy Seect oeoe you ow wel eough to out this experimet with but o not te the out it i ve Do ot seet trger tring cn esiy e iterprete s ggressive ehviour n m well provoke ggression i retur Cosier how you fee peor this experimet Ask your sujet how he or sh fet dig our strig How log pproxitey ws it efore yo bct wy? If you re le to t this experiment with nmb f eople you shou not only e le to expore in mre eti wn eeigs ot strig ut shu so e le to coect i lt of useful ifortion out the ture n eect of tring gnll
3 i y y Seet soeoe you know we ie ve mch Ped em to sit own with you ook int yur eye for t mint hen isuss wht you oth experiene urig th xim
Dossh/h ik ?
See rive srger py, igh lu or oher pe where i is soiy epe for srgers o pproh k to eh oher T o eie fro heir eyes oe s you h sully (if he usi ows) wheher or o hey ike you How oes heir wiligess (or otheise) to egge i eye o e your esie of how uh hey i ke or islike you? Osee oher oupes o ssess he ure of their reiosh ip fro he ou d ype of eye o hey egge i How esy or iiu is i o selet jus oe spe of oy guge for oseio i his wy?
o
In this chapter
y wileam
u expess u sn e se s e e e uess y ue s s e eyerw s' e ree u es y wys e u ues u ey e ey ee se e peu nner ss e
The study of facal expresson has a long hstory. Charles Darwn, of Th Oigi f Si and Vyag f h Bagl fame, pulshed the frst serous scentfc study, Exi f h Ei i a a ial, n 1872. But physognomy had exerted many pseudoscientific minds efore that. Several people tred to prove that facal appearance was a relale ndcator of a varety of human trats such as intellgence, crminalty, emotonal stailty and even nsanty. They failed, of course. It smply s not possle to use the face as a relae predctor of very much at all. What can e done, however, as present research ndcates, s to use facal expressons (that s, the face n movement rather than as a static oject) as a means of ganng a etter understandng of what others are commun catng. In ody anguage, the expressveness of the face s second only to that of the eyes. We gan a good deal of our nformaton aout peopes emotonal states from the expressons on ther faces. Ther atttudes towards us can e clearly seen, accordng to whether the expressons show pleasure or dspleasure, nterest or oredom, fear or anger. Oen the face s the rst part of a person we look at and so expressions are used very much in greetngs. One unversal phenomenon we shall e consderng n ths chapter s the 'eyerow ash, as one researcher has termed t. We shall see that facal expressons are very powerl n controllng the type and amount of communicaton which takes place eeen divduals. We shall also see that we make personalty and other judgements aout people on the ass of what we see n ther faces. eope wth attractve faces are often credted wth having a numer of other attriutes whch they may or may not possess. Comned with the more effectve use of the eyes, facal expressons can take us an important stage further n our quest for mastery of ody language. Exeise smie it kis yo Most of us w hve see, t oe tie or oher, s otie of the huorous k tht peope workig i oies soe pes where the pui re see oe ispy, whih stes: Be iiut if you ust, u si e if i ki s you The oie kes sseiy serous pot t is tht you toerte ot of wkwress i soeoe if they show y teir fe tt tey geuiey o ot wish to e wkw withou goo use ut other wy, if peope show y her fes tht they e og er
9
2 (
es o e pes o ohers, hey wi e owe greer exrees of iiu i srupive ehviour h hose who re up es i oh io er
·
The exerise for his hper, he, is h you shou ep o prise he essge i he oie For he ex week es gree eveoe you eouer i he ourse of your work wih pes sie, s if geuiey pese o see he You o o hve o ii ie gri o your fe I is suiie for his exerise h you es ee peope wih si e
Noe he reios of ohes o your io hey reur he sie? Does he eouer pper o proee eer or worse h i wou ory o? Does yoe pper o e surprise? Or suspiious? Does he eouer s oger or is i shoer h i wou oheise e? Of he peope ou ee sever ies urig he week oes here pper o e y hge kig pe i he reioship ewee you? Is there y ieree i he resposes of e hose of woe? Or i hose of he youg hose of he o? Or hose of superors, oegues suories? Or hose of feow workes i he orgizio hose of usoers or ies? Noe your ow reios Di you fi he exerise esy or ii u? Di you fee siy i rig it ou? If so, why? Di you fi your iues o peope hgig ? Di you fi yoursef speig oge r wih peope you isike? Di you fi yoursef isikig he y ess? How o you fee whe ohers sie you? T o eep wrie or pe reor of s y of the retios s you
Exercise review Le us ow osier how he exerise hs goe, i iee it hs goe ypiy You wi i l proiity hve oie se es of he foowig pois:
Mos peope wi hve reure yur greeig se Mos eouers wi he hve roeee ore smothy h hey wou ory hve oe Soe peope, espeiy hose with who yu hve etship of uu is ike, w i hve ee surprise ut erhs o upesy y your ew pproh Soe, hweer, wil hve ree wih suspiio wi hve hough theeves Wh's he [or she] up o?'
Eoues wi proy hve ee o s rher oger h hey wou oheise hve oe eope e o ow pesure iviy o e prooge wi o shoe upes oe, for firy ovious resos 5 You y we hve fou h, where you hve e ei peope sever ies urig he wee, your reioships wih he hve iprove i soe wy Woe tee o respo uier ore fvoury h e, if you re f you re wo, he reverse wi proy e rue. Young peope wi hve ene o respo ore reiy h oer peope. Suories oegues wi hve geery respoe eer h superiors, hough eve here your ore posiive pproh wi no hve goe uoie y we py o er Cusoers ies wi proy hve respoe uh ore reiy h feow worers is i suh pui o' s i is oe e) h posiive ios suh s siig re piury ipo.
6
S
Now, how ou your ow reios? Soe poits ou y hve oe re:
Aer soe iii wwress, you shou hve fou he exerise uie esy o r ou. You shou o hve fe siy urig he exerise. If you i, perhps ou were no foowing h isruio osey eough Mye you were iie o gri or o eep he sie o your fe ie oo og You shou hve fou your iues o ohers iprovig eoig ore posiive. You y we hve foun yoursef speig ore ie wih peope you is ie you ight eve hve fou yoursef isiig he ju ite ess 5 You us ie i whe ohers sie you, surey? We , reeer h hey wi fee jus s pese whe you sie he
rang of xpron When yo consider how many mscles there are in the hman ace, it is not srprising that the range o acia expressions we can prodce is very wide. There are many sbtleties in changes o expression which can be shown consider, or instance, the great variety o smiles possible between the Mona Lisas partia
2
smile and an open grin. However, in communication, acial epressions are most commonly used to epress a degree o emotion and there are a limited number o these most o us can in practice recognie with any relability. Two American researchers, Paul Eckman and Wallace Friesen, have discovered that there are si principal acal epressons which are used to show when people are happy, sad, disgusted, angry, araid and interested (though the last s not really an emotion). They have ound that these are about the only emotions most o us are likely to agree about when we see others epressing them. In ths case, we mght useully look a lttle more closely at each o the si. miles, though wideranging, can be categoried as: slight smiles, normal smils (o the kind we hope you were using in the last eercise) and broad smiles. In a smile, the mouth is usually closed, but in open smiles the teeth can be showing. A broad smile with the teeth showing will usually be called a grin and grins can be classiied as closed (with the teeth together) and open (with the teeth parted). miles are normally used as a greetng gesture and generally to indicate varying degrees o pleasure, amusement and happiness, though in some contets they can show aggression, sarcasm and other negative eelings. Te converse emotional area, sadness, has no such single epression to typi it. adness, disappointment and depresson are usually revealed by lack o epression and by such things as turning down o the corners o the mouth, a downward look and a general sagging o the eatures. Etremes o sadness will be characteried by the appearance o tears, trembling o the lips and attempts to shield the ace om view. isgust and contempt are shown by a narrowing o the eyes and a grimacing mouth, which becomes more pronounced with increasing strength o eeling. The nose will also probably be wrinkled up and the head turned aside to avoi havg to look at the cause o the reaction. ger is most commonly characteried by stead gae at the source o oence, rowning or scowling and a grtt o the teeth together. ome people go pale when angr, bu others go red and even a purplish color in etreme ange o fry. The wole body posture will be tense, as i read pg to immediate oensive action or attack.
Fear has no single expresson to betray its presence. It may be shown n wide open eyes an open mouth or by a general trembling which affects the face as much as the rest of the body. There may even be sgns of perspiraton and a paleness of colouring. Interest is oen indcated by what is called the head coc' holding the head at an angle to the subject of nterest. Interest may also be shown by eyes that are wder open than normal and a slightly open mouth (especally common n cildren who have their interest taen by something. When people are seated the chn may be propped by the ngers if they are lstenng attentvely.
fgur
ca y crrcy iify ac f mi ira av? (a) ai, () a, (c) i/cm, () ar, () far, (f) ir
2
These are just some o the many acia epressions to be watched or and noted in building up mastery o this aspect o body anguage (see Figure 2 1)
Fa an d rt mpn It is said that the most critical period in an encounter between o peope is the irst ive minutes ( one writer has even suggested it is as itte as our minutes) The impressions ormed in this time wi tend to persist and even be reinorced by ater behaviour, which wi tend to be interpreted not objectively but in the ight o these irst impressions We tend to note the occasions on which our irst impressions o people were mistaken and had later to be revised because there are so ew o them ince the ace is one o the irst eatures we notice about a person it can clearly play a vital role in the process o estabishing relationships with others A gesture which appears almost universaly at the beginning o the greeting phase (especialy when meeting people we know wel) is the eyebrow ash This consists o a rapid up and down movement o the eyebrows, with an accompanying smile, and it seems to show the person we are about to tak to that we are peased to see them In the case o peope we kow, it seems to operate as a gesture o recognition It is widely used in both advanced and primitive societies When we irst meet someone and ook at their ace, probaby the irst judgement we make is whether we like them or not; whether we nd them attractive or unattractive A good deal o evidence has been accumuated about what are generally regarded as attractive acia eatures People shown photographs o a number o other peope will usually agree on which are the handsome men and the beautiu women Features that are commonly stated as contributing to attractiveness are we cut and styled hair, a high orehead, clear eyes, a smooth compeion even teeth and a general symmetry o eatures (athough research has shown that noone's eatures are perectly symmetrica) ut in these irst ew minutes we do more than simply decide whether or not we like someone We make judgements about their character, personality, inteigence, temperament personal habits, working abiities, suitability as a riend or over and so on A o this is done on the basis o very itte inormton about the other and yet we are more oen right in these judgements
than we are wrong. Ask yoursel how oen you recall changing your irst impression o someone and compare this with the total o all the people you have met. Alternatively over the net week keep a record o all those you meet or the irst time. In a couple o months' time review the record and decide in how many cases you had to change these irst impressions. Chances are there won't be many (see also Chapter 13).
25
al kng wt yr fa Net to the eyes the ace is the most powerul means by which we communicate non-verbally. We use it and others rely on it or indications to show how rewarding we are as individuals to epress our emotional state o the moment to ndicate how attentive we are to others and so on. A smile tells people we are pleased to see them a rown warns them o. A downcast look tells them we're not eeling too happy a raised eyebrow and a twist to the mouth shows we are in playl mood. A head cocked on one side shows we are listening. We shut our eyes and the lecturer at the ront o the class knows we have switched o. We can say quite a lot with our aces. We can use acial epressions to counicate when words are inappropriate. omeone says something out o place and we try to show in our aces that they have commied a fa a a noisy actory words are totally useless but a iendly gr gets the message over. Facial epressions can however be used to reinorce the impact o verbal messages. A mother scolds a child and her ace tells her ospring that she really is displeased this time. A group o shop stewards tell the management their reaction to the latest pay oer and the set o their jaws tells the management to go away and come up with something better. At an oicial gathering two totally opposed individuals make polite conversation but their rosty aces betray their mutual animosity. It is clear om what has been said so ar that the ce's main role in our use o body language lies in the epression o emotions. As we saw earlier there is a limited number o emotions tat can be reliably recogned by observers o the ace. Nevertheless the ace undoubtedly has a contribution to make not only to the epresson o any emotion but also to the epression o any degree o emotion no matter how subtle. s s a point whch will apply to the degree that many other pars o the body contribute to our use o body language and we should not mislead ourseves
2
into thinkng that many messages are simply and clearly conveyed by one part of the body alone. Most messages re contet dependent when it comes to lly understanding them. Anothe apec which deseves consideration is how fr rtefacts contribute to nonverbal messages. uch artefcts can include moustaches beards spectacles earrings and the use of make up. ince such things change our appearance we eed to take into account their eects upo how others will peceive us. For instance moustaches will oten be taken to indicate greater age than a clenshaven upper lip which may be a reason for their popularity with young men. Beards may be taken s a sign of an independent mind which resists pressures to conform. pectacles often lead to individuals being credited with greater intelligence thn they actually possess. Earrings if worn by men may be interpreted as a sign of eeminacy though some boys currently wear them as a defiant gesture of emerging masculinity. A girl who wears heavy makeup risks (often unfounded) conclusions concerning he moral standards. From this we can see that we do not always send he nonverbal messages we intend to send. The more we are aware of such pitfalls in the unspoken lnguage of the body the better we shall be able to use it.
Fa fat Research into facial epressions has not only eplored their role in epressing emotions; it has also eaned their role in revealing personality attitudes towards others seual ttraction and atactiveness the desire to communicate or initiate interaction and the degree of epressiveness when communicating. It has also produced some other rather interestg nding. Facial epressions can be aected by a person's stte of health. It has been found that before a woman undergoes childbirth her face shows more signs of aniety and stress though those who have had a child already usually show fewer sigs. People who have ulcers frown more thn those who hve't Depressed patients have been found to smile more widely aer having electroconvulsive therapy than before it. ierent parts of the face are attended to whe observers re perceiving dierent emotions. Fear is usually looed for in the eyes as is sadness. Happiness is seen in the cheeks d the mouth
s well s i the eyes. urprise is see i the orehed, eyes d mouth movemets. Ager is perceived rom the pperce o the whole ce d ot just from e brows d the colour o the ce s my people suppose The expressio o e ce, whe people re couicatg, is costtly chgig. Amogst the chges ew reserch techiques hve ebled us to ide re micromometry cil expressios. These lst or ctio o secod, s their me implies, d oe idicte perso's true eeligs. For exmple, perso my be syg tht he is plesed to see someoe d my be smiling but my revel s rue ude wh micromometry expresso o disgust uch expressios re too eetig or most people to perceive them, but they c be cped by the cmer. Reserch le this oers my possibilities o usig body lguge to discover wht others re relly g d eelig. A umber o studies hve bee mde o idividuls' bilties to copy the cl expressios o others. Most were ble to copy better with the id o mirror but very xious idividuls teded to do better without mirror. Appretly, o oe hs yet ollowed up this reserch by ivestigtig the prcticl pplictios, or exmple, i cousellig wor ome studies hve lso suggested tht whe idividuls copied smiles they elt hppier, which hs some iterestig possibilities tht we shll be studyig i the ext sectio o this chpter. iereces hve been observed i the wys me d wome use cil expressios whe commuicting. Wome ted to lugh d smile more th me, but more oe becuse they id the situto slightly ucomortble th out o greter socibili. People ted to tlk less, me more speech errors d smile more whe ttemptig to deceive others th whe beig completely ope d hoest. Nurses' bility to deceive by the expressio o their ces correlted with their subsequet eectiveess i their wor, s judged by superiors. ice urses oe hve to cocel rom ill ptiets just how ill they re, ths idig is perhps ot surprisig but it does suggest tht people, lie urses, who sped their worig lives delig with other people should receive triig i the use o body lguge. Oe psychologst hs ound tht people judge thigs such s crmiality rom the ce. A umber o photogrphs o iocet people were show d subjects were sed to llocte such rmes s rmed robbery d rpe to the pproprte ces. A
27
signicant number o people or instance picked out one unortunate innocent as a rapist Research like this tends to make one uneasy not only about say police identication parades but also about the sgnals we may unwittingly be sending to others about our own attitudes personality and behaviou
Sm l, y ' fl br Because the smile is probably the most universally used and the most positive acial epression it will be useul if we eamine it n a lttle more detal here Smiles are used all over the world to indicate or relect pleasure or happiness Even childen who have been blind rom birth smile when they are pleased Smiles are also used to show reassurance amusement and even ridicule We shall be concerned here with the positive uses to whch smiles can be put Smiles are rarely used delberately but they can be Eperiments have shown that if individuals ae asked to smile and are then shown pictures o varous events they report that the pictures please them and even make them eel elated f ndividuals are asked to frown during the same kind o eperment they report epeiencing eelngs of annoyance and even anger Research like this pehaps provides some scentiic suppot for the popular saying augh and the world laughs wth you' Smiles can also be used to mask other emotion athlete who loses to a particulaly disliked opponent will tll try to smile bravely to hide his disappontment A smle may also be a submissive esponse to wad of anothe's ack Those who work n occupations that bring them nto ontat with the public such as receptionists or arcat cabn ew ae trained to use smles to eassure clent and pasenge lng may be used to make a tense situaton more comfoe A mle will tend to call orth a smile fom the othe peo thus ease away the tenson The best time to test the power of the sle e yo leat eel like smiling whether through illness o depeo oe a smile on to your ace and keep it hee fo a long a oble ach me the smile disappears wait a ew minutes ad te in Within a short time you should notce a distnc poven how you eel This technique will not always work b ve o wll and is certainly at least worth a ry Of all the faca eon ha we use the smile is the one most woth encouag oelve
Exr and xprmnt
Good orning word There re two versions of this exeriment one for the timi n one for the o The tim shou see peope hey know, he o n t it on nyone hey meet When you go out omorrow moing, o no sme when greeng peope ou meet in the sreet Coun how mny smie The foowing morning smie wrmy in greeting t eveone you meet Count how mny reurn your smie Whts the ierene? The o wi fin he gretest erene Its surprising how mny strngers wi smi if you s mie first Its s if they wnt to the ime u re just ite fri to tke the initive
2 c xrciss To eveop muse one (get ri of fness n sgging fe), t eh of these exerises for one mnute eve y: a Sting from the fe t rest, grin bro, referby iing the
c
eyerows t he sme time Sing from the fe t rest, uker the ps into tight roun Sting from the fe t rest, if th e hi n s hig h s it wi go, rse your eyerows n terntey rin n puker
Do these exerises in front of mirror if you n
3 Sop frowning Whenever you hve ny onentrting o o, pe your m ross your forehe If you fin you re frowning, sto t If ou hve o move your fe t , t rising your eyerows so tht your forehe reses horizonty rher thn veiy You wi fin ht one resu of his exerise is o mke you ess prone to hehes
Show yor flings In front of mirror, prtise eh of the foowing emotions in sequene: a hppiness
c
sness surprise isgust e fer nger
If ou cn cur th coortion of omon l, if th cn intif ch motion from our rion. V th unc to m th t itt mor iicult for thm. Thi rci will t ou how wll ou or fling t wi ll lo tll ou how goo our nr i t rcognizing motion You cn rvr rol onc our nr h ful gr th ntr of th rci n o m vn b b to involv oth It cn m ufu littl gm, with oint givn for ccurc in rcognition.
Is you fc you foun? Colct i hotogrh of ol fc, on of which houl b wll nown rctiv fim or tr. Show thm to lrg numbr of ol oib l n thm to rt th ttrctivn of ch fc on c of to Do ou fin othr rting gr with our own? Do th tn to gr on th mot ttrctiv fc mongt th i? Th rci houl rovi om fcinting inight into ol rction of othr
0
6 ow ny fcs? Stu th fc of tho ou mt. Cn th b cifi i nto tp? Do imir on croing u? Or i v on uniu?
:
O <
In this chapte
y will lea
ead movement and ead nod are conidered teir le in ocial intection i epained and te impoance of ead nod wen itenin to ote i eplained
2
3 3 a
If you watch two people talking, you will notice that, in addition to the movement of their mouths and changes in facial epression as they talk, their heads move in what may appear to be quite random ways. Not so. These movements are no more random than the eye movements and facial epressions we have already eamined. In this chapter we shall consider some of the ways in which we can use our heads to help us speak body language more effectively. The most obvios and perhaps most fequently used head movement is the nod. Over most of the world it signifies agreemet, affirmatio o appoval and can theefore be very useful when verbal language differences make communication dificult. We shall make a particular study of this. Head movements are important not only in talking but also in listening fo, as we shall see, if they are used properly they can help us to communicate more easily and if they are misused they can quickl aect adversely a elationship with another peson. A od must not be used when a shake would be more appropriate, and vice versa. Thee ae times when the head shuld be bowed and times t should be held eect. Head movements can be used as speech markers in social acknowledgemets, as gestural echoes' (we shall look at this phenmenon in moe detal i the net chapte ) , and to indicate atttde twads an ecter and hw e see u role withn it. They ae then, capable of much greater versatily and subtlety in epession than might be spposed ad there ae may individual movements whose significace ad usefulness to us we shall eplore. We shall find that thee ae many more ways i which we can se or heads th we eve thought possible. We will need to remembe ot to try to intepe e mvements in isolaton. The focus of ur attention in this pte s o how the head moves bt this does not mean foet l abot the effects othe elements of body languae ave. A god eample is he wink. This may seem to be sip eye move ment bu t is also a facial expessin and, sie ead usually moves slightly to one side whe winkin, t s movement. Only when one is winkng sepitiousl ll e be n head movement. In fact, the pesence or absence hed mement can be a cucial factor in iterpeting the sigfe f a wk.
Exercise on te od Beuse the he o is suh oo oveet, it wi e usefu for us to se the i hpter exerise o it. Seet ovestio with soeoe you ow we they t, o your he eourgigy. Do they see to o ore of the tig or ess?
A
O other osio, with the se perso, s they tl o ot o your hed t . Do they see to o ore of the tig or ess? Aer eh overstio, reord your ipressios i your oteoo or o tpe. Repet the exerise with strger reord your ipressios i the se wy Now, prefery with the se peope, o for hf the overs tio the stop. Wht hppes? Note dow your ow feeigs out the exerise. Di you fi it esy or iiut to o? Whi ps were the esiest d whih the ost iiut? Cosider how other people se ods whe they re tlig to you . Osee iteiewers o televisio, prefery with the sou tured . Wht ids o thigs o you otie out odig ehviour? Do peop le od ost whe tig or isteig? Why o you thi this is? Are there y other thigs you otie out the wys peope se ods i fe--e ouitio?
Execise eview Now et us loo t wht you ight hve isovered. The oets oered here wil so e reevt whe we retur to the sujet of ed ods lter i this hpter. I the irst p of the eerise, oddig your hed shoud hve eourged the other perso to spe ore d or oger. Refusig to od shou hve resulted i the other perso dig up ei g the overstio ve uily You shou hve hd the se experiees whe oversig with strger, exept tht you y hve otie tht the strger stoppe tlig uier whe he ods re set th soeoe you ow we . Whe you were oig or h the overstio d ot or the oter hf, you shoud hve see siilr resposes. The first hlf of te overstio wi ost eiy hve goe uh eer th the seod hf. The other perso wil hve overse uh ore freely d esily whe you were oig th whe you were ot.
As r s your ow eeigs re oere, you wil most eiy hve elt more omoe t ese whe you were lowe to o I t you my eve hve ou it i mposse ot to o t imes. I osig other peope's odig ehviour, you soul hve otie tht most peope o muh more whe they re listeig th whe they re tkig Televisio iteiewers, or ste, o whe they re listeig to iteiewees' swers preisely euse i eourges them o ope up d tk more uy out the ujet Noig, s we sh see ter, is mjor wy o showig tht we re tteig to wh other peo is syig
alkng ad As with other aspects of body laguage, head movemets ca be used for a variety of purposes. They ca be used to idicate attitudes, to replace speech ad to support what is said. They ca eve cotradict what is said ad i this happe, as other forms of body talk, what the head movemets say will be beeved i preferece to the word uttered. Let us, for eample, take the role of head movemets i epressig, whether cosciously or ucosciously, a perso's attitudes. Whe the head is held high ad possibly tilted slightly backward, this is oe iterpreted as beig prompted by a haughty ad eve aggressve attitude ( accompaied by such thigs as a fied stare, a curl to the lips ad a uusually red or occasioally white face). A lowered head idicates submissiveess or humility or eve depressio (if accompaied by such factors as slow ad irequet lowvoiced speech, a geeral saggig i posture ad a avoidace of eye cotact). Head movemets have a iterestig use as speech markers. light head ods, sweeps to oe side ad chi thrusts act as stresses, whe speakig, to place emphasis o certai words ad phrases. The kid of cotet i which this type of behaviour is most readily observed is the public speech, where it is ecessary to have rather more dramatic emphasis tha i everyday coversatio. This applies to gestures, too. The head ca be used to poit i those situatios whch figer poitig would be cosidered iappropriate or eve rude. The head is moved to idicate the directio i which oe wats someoe to look or move. It is also oe used by the chairs of meetigs to idicate who is the et perso to have his or her permissio to speak.
It s teestig to wtch people's heads as they ae speakig (televso wthot the sod s a good medm to se) ode to obseve the small bt hythmc movemets made by the head accompamet to speech. If yo do ths, see f yo ca, fo stace, match the head movemet to the ed of a setece. It s omaly maked by a sight dowwad movemet, with a sight pase befoe the head moves agai.
steng eads e have aleady ecoteed the se of the head od lsteg behavio ( the execise at the begig of ths chapte) ad, becase it is of sch key mpotace to o mastey of body agage, we shall et to t at the ed. t thee ae othe behavos that ae mpotat to effciet lsteig. e of these s the drecto whch the head s potg It is aways difficlt to accept that someoe is steg to s f they ae lookig away fom s. If they are deed listeig, we expect that they will at least be lookg at s. hy this shold be s is ot clear becase it s obvosly qte possible to be lsteig etly eve f yo eyes ae closed ad yo are facig i the opposite diectio. Nevetheless, listeing, like many othe thigs, it appears, mst ot oly be doe bt mst be seen to be doe. othe behavio is the head cock', holding the head at a tilted agle to the perso beig listeed to (Fige 3.1). It is sed very mch by aimas, especially dogs, and also by chlden, who eve se it whe speakig to aother perso whose attetio they ae seekig to secre almost as if they wee showig the othe perso how he or she oght to be behavig f they were to exhbit the desired degee of attetio. Whe we are liteig to othes we tend unconsciosy to copy thei head movements. It is almost as if we wish to demonstrate a commoality of interest by a commoality of behaviour. It is also qite commo, whe listeig i a reasoably intimate settng, to bing the head closer to the perso being listened to. The (or headtohead talk) ca eve become literally te n the case of lovers whispering qiety to each other. Physical coseess is sed as a idication of itellectal and emotonal closeness.
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fgur w vri f a cck When listening in a seated position, the head is oten propped by the thmb and the irst two ingers o the hand. This is widely interpreted by speakers as a sign o intelligent interest. Care mst be taken, however, or i the chin is propped in the palm (and especially if the eyelids begin to droop) it may be taken as an indication o boredom, with both the speaker and what he or she is saying. Eicient listening, then, is by no means rely passive. active se o the kind o behavior otlined above can help to show speakers that they are receivg yor ll and ndivided attention or that they are not.
It dpd n ow y lk at t The orienttion o yor head when looking at people can have a marked eect pon their interpretation o yor behavior. One o the reasons that makes it possibe or yo to look at someone ot o the corner o yor eye is that, as indicated above, people wil expect the ocs o yor attention to be where yo are looking. This is not inalibe, however, and i the direction o gae is too obviosly at variance with the direction o the head or i sideways gances are too ong or too reqent they will be spotted.
Althogh ndect obsevaton s feqently not a socally acceptable actvty, sng head movements to ndcate a lack of seosness n one's atttdes may well be. Tltng the head to one sde (n a smla manne to the head cock descbed above) can be sed to ndcate that what one s sayng s not ntended to be taken seosly. It can also be sed as an appealng geste, patclaly by yong attactve gls when talkng to yong men n a fltatos o playfl manne. It may be sed n geetings, accompaned by the eyebow flash' dscssed n Chapte 2, n ode to acheve an exta degee of fendlness n the geetng. The head can be sed aggessvely. Thst foad fom the sholdes, t poses a theat to an opponent and, n the often hofyng tactc of the teenage hoolgan n the fom of a headbtt, t can even be sed as a weapon. Less aggessve people, lke poltcans makng focel speeches, can se the head n small shap downwads movements to add emphass to patcla wods and phases. Thee ae sex dfeences n the se of head movements, as n many othe aspects of the se of body langage. omen se he head cock moe than men and ae often shown n advetsements and magazne pctes wth tlted heads. Men tlt the heads fowad n a geetng nod moe than women. omen ae moe feqently obseved wth the head loweed n a sbmssve geste than ae men. It may be that sch dffeences n behavo ae nonvebal makes n socal nteacton of dfeences n gende. It may also be that, as women become nceasngly lbeated, sch dfeences between the sexes wll become less maked.
How o yor ad s we have seen, yo can se yo head fo many moe thngs than jst keepng yo eas apat. In ths secton we wll evew what we have leaned abot head movements and hghlght those that we can make pactcal se of n the fte. Fst of all, head movements ae sefl as a means of socal acknowledgement. Men tend to se a nod to sgnf that they have seen and ecognzed someone; women tend to se a head tlt. Thee s no eason why these behavos shold contne nchanged n the te, bt t may be moe effectve socally to follow the conventon of the company n whch yo fnd yoself.
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Hed movemets ca be sed to becko someoe ccm staces whee a shot o eve a wave wold be appopate. Ths beckog movemet takes the fom of a dagoal thowg back of the head ad my be epeated seveal tmes, depedg o the gecy of the come hee' eqest. To expess dobt o elctace, he head s sometmes swayed o ocked fom sde to sde, as f weghg a eqest o a poposto the balace. To expess dsda o haghtess, t may be tossed o shake, mch the same way that a defat hose tosses ts head. Ths geste s pobably moe feqetly sed by wome tha me. A geste moe commoly sed by me s the head swvel, whch takes the fom of tg the head to look at the object o peso ewly obseved. It ofte occs whe a ma catches sght of, o has hs atteto daw to the pesece of, a attactve woma. kg, accompaed by a shot, shap dowwad tlt of the head to oe sde, s a sefl geste. It ca show that a statemet s ot meat to be take seosly. It ca be hmoosly cospatoal, sayg Yo ad I ae ths togethe', o, Ths s a secet betwee the two of s'. It ca smpy be sed as a geste of fedy socl ackowledgemet. Head movemets ca expess atttdes ad t may be bette, theefoe, less yo wat to appea hmble o sbmssve, to hold yo head easoably eect. Ths wl also ted to ecoage good poste.
Nd f y want m t ntn The head od sgfes ageemet, appoval, acceptace, cotg tteto ad destadg ccodg to the cotext whch t s sed. oadly speakg, the stegth of the od (that s, the degee of p ad dow movemet) decles thogh these categoes. The lagest ods saly dcate ageemet, whlst the sghtest ods ca povde a speake wth feedback o how wel he s beg destood. As wth othe body movemets, howeve, the fthe away the speake s, the geate the degee of movemet has to be ode to be accately peceved. The least obvos, ad yet may ways the most eectve, se of the head od s showg coted atteto. As yo pobably fod the execses at the begg of ths chapte,
oddg faly feqetly (bt ot cotosly) whe someoe s speak encoages them to speak fo loge ad to say moe. A mbe of eseach stdes have qantfed ths ad have show that the amot of speech that ca be geeated ths way ca be thee o fo tmes geate tha omal. It s a fdg whch s of mpotat pactcal vale to the pocess of makg tevews ad dscssos moe podctve ad effectve. efsal by a lstee to od ca case a speake to dy p completely wthot kowg why, apat fom expeecng a vage feelg that the lstee was ot eally attedg, even f he o she was lookg at the speake most of the tme. Tag coses the se of body agage shold make a patcla pot of showg these vaos ses of the head od. It s a techqe whch has an mpotace qte ot of popoto to ts appaent sgfcance. I ths t s compaable to the techqes of sng eye cotact dscssed Chapte 1 and s commony sed by a lstee combato wth a ceased amot of eye cotact. Noddg s also mpotat, as we have see, eabng a speake, especaly a pblc speake, to emphase patcla wods ad phases. Hee, t eeds to be sed wth some degee o dscmnaton. thewse t ca, ke ay othe technqe o gvng emphass to statemets, ose mch of ts eect. Too mch epetto emoves the mpact of ay emphasg technqe. As men ted to se head ods moe tha women, t may well be sefl fo women to pactse sg head ods athe moe. Howeve, thee s some evdence to sggest that wome ae thoght to be bette lstees tha men ad ths may mean that it s oly when speakng that women eed to se moe head nods.
Exr and xrmnt d cock Loo for stes were oter peope use e os Wt youg re who ve ot yet ee to spe fuety, if you Tey see to e ore use of boy guge, ost ey beuse of ter of ver s I your eouters wt otes t usg he os e ore to sow teest Dot e te too obvous or exggete or te esut w sp y oo s y You sou fi peope beg to spek to you oe
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2 Tet-a-tet Loo fo xmpls of popl tlig with thi hds tochi ng o v cos togth Is it oy lovs who covs i this wy? Yo shod fid tht thos who wt to pvnt othrs ovhig hm p thi hds cos togth fo xmp, bsissm, o g op tig diry stois (ot how th tt ov p whn ghig t h pnch li).
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Wtch discssion pogmm withot th sond nd coctt on th picips hd movmts. Not how th slight movmts p, to th l, to th ight, nd dow sm to hv p to thm. Not lso how th nd of sntnc sms to b mtchd not oy with ps bt lso with downwd movmnt of th hd.
Wh cn your hd s sig th ifomtio g ivn i this chpt d ny oth socs yo cn fid, m ist of th mssgs tht hd movmts on c convy to othrs B mmb, it mst b th hd o.
I t captr w a
tus nd by mmnts de te f nt th ndtns tt n estu n n uus h qut f n xd mnn nub su nus xt uh th u by t df
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It is n the se of gestes tht o mstery of body lnguge cn chieve el eoqence Eye contct, fcil expession nd hed movements, thogh of vit impotnce, hve cetin littions. Gestes pemit degee of expessveness nd sbtlety tht is not possible with othe spects of non-vebl commniction. It is the se of gestes to convey meng tht most peope thi of when they t ot body lngge nd in tis chpte we shll conside the viety of messges fo which gestres cn be the vehices. Sevel wites hve ttempted t clssi geses int ctegoies. Miche Agye hs sggested tht thee e ve dieent nctions tht gestes cn seve: sttions nd ohe speech-lined signs conventionl signs nd sign lngges vements tht expess emotions movements tht expess pesonlity movements tht e sed in vios eligios nd othe itls. Pl Ecmn nd Wllce Fiesen hve so sggested hat hee e five gopings, bt thei ctegoies e: emblems (movements tht e sbstittes fo wods) illsttos (movements tht ccompny speech) egltos (movements tht mintin o signl chnge in peson's listening o speing ole) dptos (movements sch s sctching one's hed, ubbing one's hnds o fiddling with objects, which tend to cst light pon peson's emotionl stte) ect dispys (movements tht moe dectly evel emotions, as fcil expessions do). Howeve they e clssied, gestres cn be sed t expess nge of ttitdes, emotions nd othe messages. chel Agye quotes numbe of conventionl gestres tht seem to hve lmost nives meangs. Emples e shing the st to show ange, ubbing the palms togethe in nticiption, clpping s sign of appoval, aising ones hnd to ga ention, ywning out of boedom, pg someone on the ac to encoge them, and bbing the stomach to indicte hge. Ged Nieenbeg nd Hey Cleo sugges tht gestres e used in expessing, mongst many othe hgs, openness, defensiveness, ediness, essnce, strtion, condence, nervousness, cceptnce, expectancy, eltionsps nd suspicion. They show tat these gestres are used even in siations wich the oter peson cnnot be seen, as when makg a telephone cal or using tape ecode.
t is this ichness of sient commniction tht we shl now begin to expoe Bt fist, s in othe chptes, let s ttempt n execise which wil pt s in the ght fme of mind fo wht is o come Exercise: eeday mime id itti tht y c b whr pp ct cict with ch thr by ig wrd, bc it i t iy, bc i c i c, bc thy r t fr p t hr ch hr, r bc thr i thr brrir t p cicti. xpl igt i cd iy fct, tdi, rtrt, bidg it, hpi, ibr r xiti hl fr, d t dw, gtr d i ch ctxt t ttrct ttti, t dirct, t tl thr i tph c fr th, t bc, t grt d bid gdby, t idict pg f ti, t p i, d t cvy y hr g tht gtur c b d fr
Wht iiriti d differc d y tic? Wht xp f pci cd d y cr? Hw ccf d grs t b f citi? Wht r thir dvtg? Wht r hir i ittis? Hw f r gurs wh citg with who de t p yr gug? Wht ids of ed r r t iy b cvyd by gtr? Whih r th t dic t xpr? Which r ipib t expr? Hw w d word trst it gesurs? How wl c gs xpr oti? Hw w c thy exp r r det ifrti? A fhr rtive, if y c sr h cprti f grup f pp (for is, if y r br f cl which i ig thi bk), yu py chrds r vri f th g i whch tw ts t gs th tite of fi, hw ri prgr or boo d g pi for edg withi ti i it f, y, w i uts Thi be o y god xrcs g gr bu s grt f thre i , r l , ro t why rig hud b jyb
Wht kid f tui r tit r sie o g fr gtr ? Wh id f pp r bt t cictig thrgh gr? Why d pp b ipb f gig g vr thrugh gtr? Wh r th srt f csf chrd pyig? Hw y idi the ky et i iti r ti fr cii hrgh gr bdy vt?
Exercise review Where you otie siir gestures eig use i wiey ieret otes, you hve proy witesse uiversl' gestures or ovtiol getures of th i referre to rlir You shou hve otie tht gestures eoe ore eierte eve exggerte with iresig iste etwee those ivove You ight hve otie ieree i the gestures use ioors those use outoors, with ioor gestures ig ore otroe sute . You y hv otie ierees etwee e wo, uts hir ( fsitig r for gsture stuy is of ve youg hi re t pygrup) or peop i iret socil css i the gesture they use; tht the gestures use urig yti ir fro those use t ight, s o gestures use t wor thos use i leisure otexts You wi proy hve fou tht peope t wor see to hve their ow os for the eigs of gestures This i piy otiee i pe i stuios, wher ilee o the p of o-piipt stuio floor st is esstil. You y hve coue tht gesture re usefu ut tht their usfuess hs ci iittios The vtges of gesture r tht they ssist ouitio wher peop ot se to ch othr esiy, thy c t s i of oviet shoh thy c iterstig egree of expresiveess to vy ocil itertio Thir restritio r tht the out of ifortio thy ovy s liite, ei thigs ot ouict y getur lo (try xpiig your ress y gsture oe), i ci cotexts they ipy e usuitle (for exple, to wr soeoe of ipeig ger) If you hv e le to o people of iffrt lguges tig to cvrse you will lt ciy hv oti tht thy rey hvily o gstur
Sip e, bsic ees with which vo i fil ir (l huger thrst) r sier to couit th oplx r sohitite o (suh the loctio of th bt ight u or culr r of prouct which is ot o isly). Soe eg y so og ivov s to efy couictio y gstur t l eery pig, ou vrb trlt or iy ito gsturs th ctv vr thr wrs. stur r roly ot useful i xpressig ttitu otio, whic i tru for ot other pcts of oy gug. If you plye hr or th title-guessig g, you proly fou tht situtio or tits whih oti rfrc to tio or oveet were esier to ouite y gestur th tho
referrig o sr quiies (ie ruh j usie eory eie or o sio oes (ie house ro fee hir you usuy ee o gesure he shpe of higs ie his whih is heig ie) You proy fou h ougoig soie peope re eer his i of ge h he shy reirig hough oe he er hve hie es whih oy ee rigig ou Soe peope re so sef-osious hey o ouie i his wy This oo shou hep suh peope rex eve if hey o' uy o y of he exerises The seres of suessfu hres pyig pory of ies re o oee o ios ovee he o shpes he o hose eees si ir o oher iviies h e esiy oveye y gesures (suh geig he Te' ross y gesurig wggig i i Ciy is expe of ve iiu wor o ovey u os peope wi guess i if hey ge he firs hree wors).
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t yor bdy do t talkng Any prt of the body cn be sed to me gestre. We hve lredy considered the se of the hed (see Chpte 3). If here we wor or wy down the rest of the body, we shll be be to identi most of the other gestres nd body movements tht hve commnictive vle. This spect of body lngge is slly clled kii This is term coined by n Americn resercher, Ry Birdwhistell, who ws one of the first to tdy bodymotion commniction when serios interest in it begn in the lte 1 940s. A ki is the smllest observble nit of body movement nd inesics refers to the scientific stdy of gestres nd other body movements. The most common sholder movement is the shrg, which slly conveys the messges I dont now, I dont cre, I m dobtfl, or Wht cn yo do? (i.e. this sittion is relly hopeless) . It is n p nd down movement of both sholders nd my be ccompnied by pproprite faci expressions nd he movements. A single sholder being shrgged slly mens, Te yor hnd of my rm (or sholder) or Leve me lone. The chest cn be pffed ot s gestre of pride or chievement bt it is commonly only sed in hmoros nd selfmocing wy. Someone who sed it seriosly wold probbly be considered conceited.
The stomch cn be sced in s if to sy, I m elly fit o Im not s ft s I loo. Even thogh men do tend nconsciosly to hold thei stomchs in when in the pesence of n ttctive gil, this geste is lso sed ony hlf-seiosly. The pelvis nd the bttocs cn be sed to me gestes, bt most of them e intepeted by othes s sexl invittions nd e often consideed obscene. Pehps if yo need to se sch gestes s invittions it is sign tht yo mstey of body lngge is, to sy the lest, nsophisticted. The ms, hnds nd finges e sed fo get viety of gestes, nd we will loo t some of these in ittle moe detil in the next section. We shll be selective fo it wold simpy not be pcticble to conside ll the possibilities. One inteesting hnd geste, howeve, is lng In this the tips of the finges e plced togethe in wht esembles n ttitde of pye except tht the plms e ept wel pt. Nieenbeg nd Cleo qote this s geste which signifies confidence, o t lest desie to me listene thin one feels confident. Legs cn be cossed o ncossed nd mny wites hve tied to pt ll inds of messges into these gestes. It my be n exggetion to sggest tht when womn cosses he legs nd plls he sit down to cove he nees she is ctting off the possibility of n ppoch, bt it is inteesting tht women will slly sit with thei legs cossed even when they cstomily we jens o toses. Men seem to be qite hppy on occsion to longe ond in n openlegged poste. Feet cn be inteesting. When they tp o twitch they cn be exmples of lakag, tht is, peson is tying to concel some ttitde o infomtion fom othes nd is not qite scceeding. Someone who plys poe eglly my lwys now when one of his fiends hs good hnd becse, despite hving the tditionl give-nothing-wy poefce, his foot twitches. Sch lege slly occs in the owe hlf of the body, pobbly becse we te moe toble to contol things lie fcil expessions. Anothe inteesting phenomenon is the gual h Wtch gop of people convesing nd note how, when one peson ses geste, othes will se it lte. As we shll see in the next chpte, something simil hppens with postue. It lso hppens, incidentally, with wods duing convestions.
Mrrs's gstr aps Desmond Mois ws vey popl wite on the sbject of non-vebl commniction. He nd tem of eseches fom Oxfod Univesity pblished gide to the oigins nd distibtion of 20 selected gestes. Fom infomtion gtheed fom 40 plces coss Eope, they wee ble to identi how commonly ech of the gestes occed nd wht menings wee ttched to them. Thei findings indicte how mpotnt it often is to now the context in which geste is sed befoe tying to intepet its mening. They lso show h geste in one pt of Eope cn sometimes hve the opposite mening fom its sl mening in nothe. Some of these e illstted in Fige 4.1. The fist geste Mois's tem stdied ws the Fingi Ki In this, the tips of the finges nd thmb e issed nd then the hnd is moved qicly wy om the moth nd the finges sped ot. It is symbolic of the moth iss, which is geste sed ll ove the wold to show ffection. The geste is most commonly sed to indicte pise in Spin, Fnce, Gemny nd Geece. In Potgl, Sdini nd Sicily it is sed s geeting. Its se is eltively e in the Bitish Isles nd in Itly. A geste which ppeed to hve common mening ll ove Eope ws the N Thub, in which the thmb is plced on the end of the nose nd he finges e fnned ot nd sometimes wggled. It is genelly sed s geste of mocey o inslt. The Fing C, in which the fist nd middle finges e twisted ond ech othe nd the emining finges e held nde the thmb, in contst, hs sevel menings. Its min ppose is s geste of potection When someone tells lie they will coss thei finges (sometimes sing both hnds) in the spestitios belief tht his will pevent the wh of the gods flling on them fo thei deceit. This mening is most common in the Bitish Isles nd Scndinvi. In Tey, the geste is sed to be fiendship. Elsewhee it is sed to indicte tht something is good o OK, to swe n oth, o s symbo fo copltion. The Eyli Pu, in which the foefinge is plced on the cheebone nd pled down to open the eye little wide, mens I m let' in Fnce, Gemny, Ygosvi nd Tey. In Spin nd Itly, it mens Be let'. In Asti, it ws fond to signl boedom.
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som ommon sts
The Ne Ta, in which the forefinger is tpped on the side of the nose, conveys complicity, confidentility or n instrction to mintin secrecy in the British Isles nd Srdini. I Itly, it mens Be let' If the tp is to the front of the nose, it cn men Mind yor own bsiness' in the British Isles, Hollnd nd Astri. The gestre mps tht Desmond Morris nd his tem constrcted for their 20 selected gestres were, to sy the lest, fscinting. Bt they cn hve prcticl vle s well. For insnce, one gestre, The Thub U, is widely sed to reqest ifs by hitch hiers the world over. If they re trvelling thogh prts of Belgim, Sicily, Srdini, Mlt or Greece, however, they shold be wre tht it my be inerpreted s sexl inslt.
oplwatng Mny other people hve crried ot observtions nd reserch into gestres since t lest 1600, nd the stdy of gestre cn be sid to dte bc to Ancient Rome, with Cicero's De Oae People hve been wtching other people nd recording nd interpreting their gestres for very long time indeed. Recent resech hs been ore scientific nd systemtic. Mch of it hs focsed on wht hppens when body ngge is not sed normly. Psychitic ptients, s one of thei symptos, exhibit vritions of non-vebl behvior which, by the very fct of being ns, reflect sef light on wht is cstomry in everydy socil interction. From sch clinicl stdies the lte Abert Scheflen, distingished Americn psychitist, identified wht he cled quauh behavu These re behvios which re norm in the cortship by one person of nother, bt which enty ill ptients ofen se inppropitey towds their therpists o other ptients they cn, howeve, so be obseved in eveydy life when one peson is ttrcted to nother. Cortship rediness is slly signlled by sch things s high sce tone, edced eyebgginess nd jow sg, decresed soch, nd ess stomch nd shoder sg. Preening behviors cn be observed these inclde stoing one's hi, stightening one's tie o other clothing, nd e-pplying me p. There re lso ctions of ppel or invittion sch s flirttios glnces, eg-crossing to expose thigh, nd so on.
9
Othe esech hs identified phenomenon nown s gual ychy As peson spes, his o he bodily movements eep pce in ind of dnce with the hythms of speech. Listenes' movements lso dnce to the sme tne', s it wee, s the spee's I mentlly ill ptients, this hythm is missing nothe illsttion of how we only notice the existence of something when it is not thee: conspicos by its bsence, in fct. Emn nd Fiesen noted tht cetin gestes ccompny cetin ttitdes. A otting shg of the hnds ccompnies feeings of ncetinty nd confsion. A hnd toss goes with the expession of feeling nbe to contol one's behvio. Repetitios foot sliding is noticeble when ptients e dmitted to psychitic instittios whees, on leving, foot gestes e genelly moe vied nd ctive. One esech tem fond tht whee peope e ctive, with mny non-vebl movements, they will be ted s wm, moe csl, geebe nd enegetic. When the sme people e stil, with few movements, they will be consideed moe logicl, cod nd nlytic. It is inteesting to note the eqtion of movement with enegy. Clely, if yo wnt to give n impession of dive nd enthsism, sy, in n inteview, yo cn do it by incesed se of gestes. Some inteesting stdies hve been mde of eglities in the ct of ting leve of someone. In the lst minte o so of n enconte, the person seeing to end it beks eye contct, ens fowd nd nods feqeny. The pe of such ctivity occus in the st 15 seconds befoe stnding. If one is not then eesed fom the encounte degee of fsttion is expeienced becuse it mens the whoe pocede hs to be gone though gin. A cee exmple of the impotnce of ttending to othes' signs wold be diict to find.
Gt pylgy The inds of gestues tht individls se cn be elted to, nd cn vy with, other psychologicl fctos. Fo instnce, pesonlity hs med effect pon the numbes nd vieties of gestes used. Aso, we se gestes to enbe s to me n ssessment bot the ind of pesonity n individ hs. One piece of esech hs epoted tht mjoity of women who sit with thei nees nd feet togethe with egs extended hve
pesonity ssocited with desie fo netness nd odeiness in wor, iing fo ming pns, disie of chnge nd n cetinty, nd pefeence fo orgnizing ife ccoding to igid schede Anohe hs show ht thoitin personities tend to se ess bodiy movement thn ntithoitins. Dghters withot fthes hve been fond to se moe sef toching gestes thn those with fthes Dghtes of divocees show moe fowd en, moe m nd eg openness, nd me more thn thee times s mny gestictions o expessive hnd movements s gis who ost thei fthers befoe the ge of five. One eseche hs fond tht when individs e isteing to physicy hndicpped spee they me fewe nd sme gestes thn nom. This my be csed by some ncetity bot how to intect with disbed person. As f s sex diffeences in gestre behvio e concerned, it hs been fond tht men me moe seting position shifs thn women If pt throgh two interviews, men in the second inteview me smer gestes nd move their feet ess. Fo women, the evese is tre. The eson my be tht men fee moe t ese in the second inteview whees women find second one more stressf thn the fist. Some resech hs shown tht, where two peope in convestion se the sme ind of gestes nd body movements, they wi peceive themseves s being simir nd wi ie ech othe bette. From this ind of stdy it my so be concded tht, where peope re trying to commnicte, simiities in gestr styes my be hepf. Such simiities cn provide bcgrond of rppot which my not even be consciosy noticed. Open nd positive gestres nd body movements re moe inenti when seeking to pesde someone to your point of view. Openness nd condence in movement re consistenty rted by prticipnts in expeiments s being more ctive, positive nd potent thn cosed or hesitnt gestes nd body movements (see Exercise 4 on pge 56).
Hw t ak bdy langag From wht h s been sid so fr in this chpte bot the vrios wys in which gestres re sed in sefexpression, it wi be ce tht there re wys of sing gestres nd body movements to greter eect.
5
52
When sing ny prticlr gestre, yo shold consider the context creflly to be sre the gestre is pproprite for it Ber in mind tht people from dierent prts of the word my nderstnd gestre to men something very different from wht yo intend Avoid gestres which re open to misinter prettion Women crossing their legs, nd reveling n expnse of thigh in the process, cn oen convey menings they certinly do not intend. Gestres, especilly of the lower prt of the body, my provide n observe with lege of tre feelings yo my prefer to concel A sel geste when ttempting to convey degee of condence or ssrnce is steepling, provided it is not done too obviosy o rtificilly. Gestrl echoes cn be sel wy of dicting generl sense of identity o sympthy with grop, provided it does not become too obvios n ttempt t mimicry Yo shold ty to be s observnt s possible of othe peoples gestres: lie ll forms of body lngge they cn provide very informtive ccompniment to wht is ctlly sid Mch bot pesons personlity nd ttitdes cn be inferred from how ctive they re in gestring Qsi-cortship gestres cn be sefl in tellig yo wht yor reltionship is with member of the opposite sex. Wtch for signs of lc of synchrony between speech rhythms nd body rhythms s this my ofe cles to pesons emotionl stbility nd generl mentl helth. Be sensitive to others gestres when it ppers the end of n enconter is pproching There is slly little prpose to be served by refsing to relese someone who clerly wnts to te his or her leve Open gestres nd body movements cn be sefl wy of commnicting wrmth, trst nd friendiness. As we sw bove, they re prticlrly sefl when seeing to persde someone to chnge their mind or to prse corse of ction they might not otherwise hve folowed. Words my be the primry persders, by dvncing fcts nd ogicl rgments, bt the roe of body lngge in this process shold not be nderestimted. Negotitors, brginers nd slesmen, for instnce, ignore it t their peil.
Exr and xprmnt h pokr plyr Obs grou of ol ling or or som othr cr gm T to rrg it so tht ou cn s t lst o lrs h Wtch for gsturs n bo movmnts wh lr gts ithr culrl goo or iculrl b hn Tll-tl bhviour will robbl b sist to obs whn ling or rsonbl significnt mon sts Altrntivl, obs similr bhviour in csino ist ll th tl-tl gsturs ou sot, togthr wth count of th frunc with which ch occurs Dos n iniviul hv iculrl chrctrstic tll-tl gstur?
2 Mor vdy i Obs situtions in which wors r n iut mns of xrssion Exmls might b whn two ol r v much in lov whn somon hs sur brvmnt, s scill grtful or ssistnc or vour, hs won lot of mon, hs won soing contst or rc, or s liriousl h. st th gsturs tht r us to communict th lings bng xrinc. How ctiv r th gsturs n bo movmnts us in sul mnting n wors son? Wh r wors lon so inut n mn such situtions?
3 Sig gugs Using whtvr sourcs vilbl to ou th locl lbr, rcttionrs ou hn to now, or n rogrmm ou hv sn, or nstnc, fn out somthng bout f-n-u mb lngug or Amricn Inin sign lngug. How mn of th signs r sl xlnto? How mn might b usful whn communctng with somon who os not s our lngug?
W vr cos Prcts on gsturs, such s uncross lgs, unfol n on rms lms-outwr gsturs n th l i How o othrs rson? How o ou l bout using such gsturs? You shoul b bl to comm uct wth othrs without ling ou hv to hv our rms ol n ou lgs tightl cross bfor ou fl comfobl or ·sf.
M d Obsee ther ee in vriety f si situtins ist s mny exmes s yu n find f gestures tht re sed exusivey by men nd exusively by wmen. Are there ny excusivey gy gestures? As ist gestres tht re redminnty used by men r by wmen Wht inds f gestures er t be used euy by men nd wmen? Wht but ew en? Or ir wer?
6 Gsur vouriis Obsee yr friends gestures Wht is eh nes fvuite gesture (in the sense tht they seem t use it mre en thn ny ther)? Hed srthing? Chin (r berd) sring? Er uing? se tuhing? Arm fding? Wring ne eg tighty und nther in ind f duble eg rss? iing the is neusy? D yu nw wht yur wn mst hrteristi gesture is? Yu ud wys s yur best friend t te yu .
In this chapter
y wil leam
te rle of ostu nd stnce in body lnguge ou god indicor of ndiiduls ste of mind te time wc ommuni ion s tkig e
Gestes and postes ae cosey eated and indeed at east one wite, Waen Lamb, has taken the view that they ae insepaabe and has expoed what he cas postegestre meging. Fo convenience, however, we sh teat poste sepaatey. There ae advantages in focsing on each asect sepaatey, as we have eady done in pevios chapters, in the same way that one cn with spoken anguages. Pose tends to be ignoed somewhat as fa as its commni cative vae is concened. It has taditionay been associated with casses in depotment at finishing schoos fo yong adies and with waking aond a oom with a book baanced on the top of one's head. Bt it has a mch moe significnt oe to pay than this. Not that depotment is nimpotant, bt it is ony one aspect of the se of poste. We each have a repetoie of postes that we chaacteisticay se thogh these epetoies ae qite imited. It is possibe fo s to ecognize peope we know at a distance fom the postres they typicay se. Poste can be a ce to pesonaity and to chaacte. The peson who say hods his body eect oen has a qite dieent tempeament fom the peson who souches abot with onded shodes. Thee are thee main kinds of postre: standing, sitting (with which may aso be incded squatting and kneeing) and ying down. Thee ae many vaiations on these, depending pon the diffeent positions of the ams and egs, and the vaios anges at which the body may be hed. One meican eseache, Ray Bidwhiste, has podced a vey compicated cassification of possibe postues, bt some ae sed ony in patica cutues (ike the Japanese bow on geeting) and any patica individa wi have a naow ange of pefered postes. These pefeed postes eca a person's past. Peope who have, at some time in thei ives, gone tough poonged periods of depession, fo instance, sti stoop and sag even yeas afe they have ecoveed and resmed noma ives. It may be that changing postra pattens is an impotant part of the pocess of changing attitdes and of improving the abiity to estabis positive, commncative eationships with others.
Exercise: alkig ta You y rey e e ki of perso wo regury iis ere posure , if you re, you ig eie o oi is exrise Bu he vs joriy of reers who o o wi fi i ieresig, reveig eefii oe e essee of e exerise is h for e ex week you shou wk wi your oy ere, your shoue srig your e he high Do' sre yousef up ifiiy, u o' ow your oy o sg, your shoue o eoe roue or your he o hg The esies hig o o is o ook he rher h ow e grou, o keep your shoue k your soh i You sou o pu oo uh eo io is, oy s uh s is eess Aer you ve prise ovig ou ike is for few ys, osier how you fee Do you fee y iere? Do you fee ore posiive ofie? Do you fee ore rexe? Do you fee physiy fier? Do you fi you re ovig ou ie ore quiky? Do you oie ore of wh is goig o rou y? D you fi yoursef ikig quiker ore ery? Wh ese o you oie ou yoursef? Cosier so how oher peope re respo o you Do ey see wrer ore friey? Do ey see ore rey wiig o ier wih you? Do you fi yoursef geig ore of your ow wy i eouers wih ohers? Do hey oe upo your erig opoe? Are ere y egive resposes o your ore ere posure? Do you oie y oer ges i oer peope's eviour owrs you?
A i previous exerises, you shou oe or reor s y of your ow oers' resposes o ese qu esios s possie
Exercise revie
If yo hve not been ccstomed to moving rond with n erect postre, yo wi probby hve noted nmber of things om this exercise. It is qite ikey, thogh not inevitbe, tht yo wi be beginning to fee rther more positive nd condent in yor everydy ctivities. It is possibe tht, prdoxicy, thogh yo hve been trying to mintin n erect postre, which my we hve reqired itte eort nd concentrtion t first, yo hve fond yor new postre more comfortbe nd rexing. Yo wi probby fee fitter physicy nd wi tend to be wking itte more qicky, withot feeing tht yo re hrrying.
57
Yo wi cetiny be noticing moe of wht is going on ond yo nd yo my find yosef ecting moe qicy. Yo thining genely my be cee nd moe pecise, s well s fste. y othe chnges yo hve noticed in yoself shold mostly be welcome nd positive ones. As f s the ections of othes e concened, yo shod be finding tht they ppe to be esponding to yo with gete wmth nd fiendiness nd tht they e moe wiling to intect with yo. Yo might fin tht yo point of view is ccepted moe ediy nd moe often (this my ptly be becse n eect poste is commony sed by ntly dominnt individs). y comments tht hve been pssed on yo newly ssmed poste wil tend to be complimenty the thn deogtoy. If the hve been ny negtive comments, they my hve been tht yo wee sighty ovedoing the poste. This is something yo need to gd ginst in cying ot execises lie this.
M nd-radn g trog otr No one wnts to sggest tht yo cn tel the detils of wht someone is thining simply fom obseving thei poste. It is possible, thogh, to tel get de bot thei stte of mind; whethe they e hopef o depessed, confident o shy, dominnt o sbmissive, nd so on. Fo instnce, those who e feeing hopef, confident o dominnt wil genely dopt moe eect body postes thn those who e feeling depessed, shy o sbmissive. Poste obsevtion is ths sefl ctivity, pticly befoe n enconte begins, s it cn gide s in detemining wht might be the most podctive ppoch to me to nothe peson. Postes lso hve the dvntge tht they cn be cctey obseved t some distnce, nie, fo exmple, fcil expessions, whee gete degee of poximity is necessy. Positive ttitdes towds othes tend to be ccompnied by lening fowd, especily when sitting down. Negative o hostile ttitdes e signlled by lening bcwds. An nsympthetic ttitde towds nothe peson cn be shown by ms folded acoss the chest. If the rms e hed oosely down by the sides of the body, this is sully intepeted s openness, ccessibility and a genel wilingness to intect.
59
fgur
wa r y a ccr?
Lie other spects of body lngge, postres hve ptterns nd ths contin n element of predictbility. One psychitrist hs fond tht ptient cn dopt prticlr postre every time he tls bot his mother nd qite different one every time he tls bot his fther. It hs been fond tht, when people re stnding rond tling in grops, those who re relly in' the grop hve qite different postrl ptterns thn those who re not qite so fvored. Otsiders typiclly stnd with the weight on one foot, wheres insiders will en forwrd litte with hed tipped forwrd. Albert Mehrbin, of whose wor we shll be lerning more shortly, mde some interesting discoveries bot postre. A elxed ttitde in n enconter, for instnce, is signlled by symetricl rm nd leg positions, sidewys len, loosey held hnds nd bcwrds len of the body This postre is most freqently sed when n individl regrds others present s being of eql or lower stts to himself. It is sed more by mn in the copny of women. Less relxed postres re sed when the others present re disied. Probbly one of the most interesting of Mehbin's findings (fo men, t ny te) is tht woen, when sitting, dopt n open-r poste in the pesence of someone they lie If the rms re folded coss the boso, this indictes lc of relxtion nd sly ccopnies indieence o dislie
'm t kng of t catl In the signlling of stts, thret nd ggression in sense ll incresingly extreme versions of the sme behvior postre hs n importnt role to ply. At its simplest, high stts cn be signled by n pright poste nd its opposite, bmissiveness nd hmiity, by sloch o generlly sgging poste. Eqlity of stts is oen indicted by tching postres tht is, the prticipnts in n enconter show rerble similrity in the postres they dopt If one person stnds with his hnds in his pocets, the other wil, too If one sits lening bc in chir with one leg crossed over the other with the nle lying cross nee in n open leg-coss, then the other person wil echo this postre.
Lower status is often shown by bowing the head, cosed body positions (as if to protect onesef from attack) and hoding the body to make it appear smaller ( and presumably therefore less of a threat) than it actuay is It is as if peope of lower status want to show the word that they are smaer, weaker and more defensive than their higher status brothers and sisters Where hig status is indicated by an upright posture with te head hed high it may be that, as if to show that this high status is not necessariy a teat, the hands wil often be casped behind the back But the threat may not disappear atogether, for the head may be hed with the forehead out in front (as if the individua is threatening to butt anyone who seriousy challenges his position) Aggression and threatening behaviour normaly consist of a progressively exaggerated exhibition of high status or dominant behaviour Hands may not be hed behind the back, but may be held by the side with the fists cenched in readiness And the forehead (or sometimes the jaw) may jut out more obviousy Sometimes, however, a relaxed posture can have an aggressive purpose, especialy in contexts where an upright posture woud be expected (as in a disciplinary interview) Extree reaxation of posture may be used to signif a rejection and total lack of respect for authority Nevertheess, it is most common for posture to be tense both when threatening others or being aggressive towards them and when being threatened or at the receiving end of aggressive behaviour Certainy, it is more usuay the case that a tense individual is more to be feared tan a reaxed person Someone who is tense is ceary clser to taking physica action than someone who is reaxed
'm ncn t ke y Albert Mehrabian as made some interesting discoveries about the reationship between posture and iking For instance, he found that when peope like each other they tend to lean towards eac other This appears to be the case whatever the degree of liking, om mid acceptance of anothers continued presence to the cosest inter-persona intimacy A sideways lean wen seated was found to be an index of reaxation and moderate degrees f ean showed friendiness Men showed the east sideways lean and the east body reaxation with other men whom they disled intensely Women, however,
2
showed the most sidewys len with othe en nd women whom they dislied. In women who wee sitting down, plcing of the ms nd legs in n open poste conveyed liing fo olde nd yonge individls bt not fo those of the sme ge. ms ibo position ws mch moe liely to be sed in te pesence of individls of lowe stts thn in the pesence of those holding hghe stts. This ws lso te fo ised hed, elxed hnd nd body postes, nd sidewys len when seted. Sexl invittion cn be ndicted by poste. Women my len fowd nd bing thei ms close in to the body so tht this pesses thei bests togethe nd deepens clevge. Men, especilly yonge men, typiclly stnd with the thmbs hooed ove tose wists o hooed into tose pocets, with the fists vey loosely clenched. Emn nd Fiesen fond tht, whilst fcil expession gve moe infomtion bot emotions, poste showed the degee of intensity. Othe eseches hve fond tht postes sy lot bot peson's emotionl stte. The extemes cn be seen in the postes of soe mentl ptients. Depessives doop, e listless, sit booding nd looing downwds. Mnics (the opposite of depessves) e let, eect nd thei bodies show high degee of tenseness in poste. Some of these findings e difficlt to intepet. Why, fo exmple, shold open postes when sed by women indicte liing in the pesence of olde nd yonge people bt not fo those of the sme ge? It is not cle. It my be tht thee is n ndiscoveed defect in the expeimentl pocede. Cetinly with poste, s with ll othe spects of body lngge, contining esech is necessy to explin nd estblish ny nexpected indings nd to clif those which seem to de pope explntion t pesent. Nevetheless, it seems to be petty well estblished tht lening fowd with elxed poste is one wy of showing someone tht yo lie them. No need to bend doble, of cose: hee, s elsewhee, blnce is necessy (in this cse litelly s well s metphoiclly).
ot ac In ddition to the findings tht hve ledy been epoted, poste esech hs nethed some othe nd not immediately
obvios discoveries. One sch is the extent to which prticipnts in n enconter copy ech others postres. This postrl echo mens tht if one person clsps his hnds together or crosses his legs or folds his rms, others will follow. The tendency is especilly med where thee is high degree of rpport between the individls concerned. Conversely, there cn be postl conflict, in which people delibertely dopt postres dierent from those ssmed by others. This is slly done to emphsize diferences n to plce distnce between one person nd nother. Postres cn lso be sed to mr the bondries of n interction. Arms my be plced in sch wy, nd legs stc ot, to show tht this is grop nd tht intrders will not be welcome. Sometimes it my be done so tht, short of physicl violence, it is impossible to enter gop. This cn be prticlrly noticeble in pbs nd cfs freqented by grops of yong people. Albert Scheflen observed tht in qsi-cortship behvior postrl shis occrred which were similr to those seen in rel cortship seqences. This behvior occrs commonly when people of the opposite sex re conversing. Grooming (stroing the hir or strightening the tie) is followed by the doption of n pproprite positioning (fce to fce or side by side). In the sbseqent converstion, brests my be stc ot, pelvises rolled, hnds plced on hips nd other sexl postres dopted, even thogh the sittion is not n overtly sexl one. This my be so mred tht there my even be verbl disclimers from one or other person to indicte tht the behvior is not ment seriosly. Other shis in postre re sed to mr stges in converstion. For exmple, when there is chnge in topic from generl sbject to more intimte or privte one, there will lso be chnge in postre which brings prticipnts closer together. There e even shis in postre dring sleep to mr the stges, sch s moving from dremless sleep into the ind of REM (pid eye movement) sleep which ccompnies dreming. These shis in postre re so eglr tht they re predictble nd follow pttern. Understndbly, it is n re which hs received good del of reserch ttention. interesting re of reserch into postre ( nd, indeed, gestre) is ssocited with its bsence or, rther, with the bsence of these ptterns. It seems to be the cse tht those few mongst s who possess wht one my cll presence, or n ir of distinction
&
nd high stts, exhibit very few chnges in postre nd se very few gestres. This low peripherl movement, s it is termed, is the ind of behvior tht cn redily be observed on when members of roylty nd when senior sttesmen re being shown. Reserch hs lso been crried ot into the reltionship between postre nd personlity fctors. Folded rs in ind of self wrpping postre indicte withdrwl nd desire for self protection, especilly of the brests. It is, therefore, more common mong women thn men. Tling with the shoders held in shrg position nd with the plms fcing otwrd indictes helpessness nd indeqcy.
Exggtd ot Postre reects person's body imge (compre the postres of two yong girs, one of whom is shmed of her brests nd the other of whom is prod of them) nd hs n importnt prt to py in sef-presenttion (one cn se postre s n id in delibertey projecting prticlr personity). Postre hs lwys, therefore, been of considerble interest s hve gestres to those involved in drmtic performnce nd pblic speing. In these ctivities, postre freqenty hs to be exggerted in order to be esily observbe by n dience. It is sefl, then, to observe ctors nd politicins becse this cn help in identiing the postres (nd, indeed, other spects of body lngge) which re pproprite or inpproprite to vrios sittions. Exggerte postres cn lso be observed in the behvior of those who re drn. Here, thogh, there is ittle to be gined throgh emltion since most people wil rect negtively to the behvior of drns They wil not wish to be ssocited in ny wy with them. Witness the words of the od song: You ll h a who boo By h oay h hoo h ig go u a lowly walk away
Adopt the postre of one who is drn nd yo will soon find ot who yor friends re
Exc and xmnt
5
v yo h ncinon? m y ar iin ain mn y nw wl ann lihy ward hm Y hu ld nc ha hi ncura hm al mr, ma hm f y ar mr nrd n wha hy ha ay and nray rl n a mr afac ncnr Thn, n an ccain ar ha, ann bac and away frm hm Y hd nc ha hy nd al , f y ar l nrd n hm and hw n f n bn cmly hay wh h way h ncnr bn cndcd
2 I yor irror
Ob hw, n ncnr n day lf and n h aciain indiidal cy r ch ach hr' r Cmar iain in which chn r wh h in which i n Y hld fnd ha, whr hr dnc f chin, h inracin rcd mr mhy, hr aar b a br ranh bwn aican and h wh n mr nara Cnly, whr chin abn, y hd nc in f frcin, mr damn and a ra n f bi a a If y ral ch, i man a y d a nby a b If y cha yr r immdiay h hr n chan h r hr, h wll b mr i han f hr i n ua ch a al y may n f ha y ar cncy i m im ic hm, which hy wil find nlin
3 S p srgh T iin ranaby raih n m ncnr and d braly lchn n yr a n hr h racin f hr h bhar Y hd fnd ha hy rnd mr iy, wih rar warmh and frindln, ma h ncunr a nr and fhr ncnr, whn yr r rh han whn i i lchd, b n if ridly rh
Who's drnk? Ob h bhaiur f wh ar drn and n hw h bhair f hr chan ward hm Sm l wl b lran and n a ll amd, b m wil nd aid cnac f hy can and hn i f hy can' Why hi? Sc ain n h ib ran may hd lih n h manc f ur, inc
he wh are drnk are ally nale cnrl eir re een wih grea ef If a ern i geniney drn k i i alm im ile fr em hde i, gh may e eaier f ey i dwn
Ping on n c Oee lic eaker and acr and ne inance wen cange in re aear e eaggeraed eynd wa i nrmal in eeday life Eamle migh e a liican ddenly leanng fard ward adience in e middle f a eec r an acr deleraely rning i ack n aner Wy here a need fr eaggerain f re r f ral change in cne like ee? T idenify a many i le rean a y can Sme are
e diance eween eaker and liener greaer and eaggerain i necea fr e ake f clariy dramaic ermance f any kind rely n a ceain amn f eaggerain fr re f empa many f he engaged i n acng a rle end e e kin d f ele w cmarily eaggerae er re (a well a er aec f dy langage) me een
6 Co on In encner, racie cled re y cring yr leg, cring yr arm n frn f e dy, rnng yr dy away frm e ee y're eaking , and ing sre reen er enering an ineracn Ten racie e cnere f ee en re Make greaer e f en-alm re, facing ele and leann g ward er l igly Ne w er reac diereny en re and al w y feel a eing mre rally en ward er Y ld fnd a ere i a clear reference in m iain, y yrelf an y e, fr enne
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In this chapter
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about pimi and orientaion orientaion orientation can tell us a good deal about individuals te t e concept concept of eonal space togeter wit teitoriali in uman beaviour te concet of defensible space.
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We hve lredy encountered, in Chpter 4, one of the sub disciplines of nonverbl communiction, kinesics, or the study of body movments. Another subdiscipline is xi, or the study of the use of spce when communicting. How close we re to people nd whether we re fcing towrds hem or wy cn ffect the interction which tkes plce in significnt nd ofen predictble wys wys . Edwrd Hll, who coined the term proxemics, deined four zones in the use of spce. From zero to one nd hlf feet (00.5 m) he clled the iia , in which people re ctully touching or re esily ble to touch ech other. The second zone is al nd extens from one nd hlf to four feet (0.51.2 m) nd here people re ble to shke hnds or re, t most, no more thn rms length from ech other. The third is the ialuliv zone nd runs from four to ten feet (1.23m). It is most commonly used in everydy encounters of socil or business nture. ubli bli nd this extends The finl zone he clled c lled the u exten ds rom ten feet (3 m) outwrds. Hll Hl l furthe furtherr sudivided sud ivided ech zone into l nd l res. Lerning to use spce more effectively will help us to tke n importnt step forwrd in our developing mstery of body lnguge. We shll consider five min spects: the effects of diferent kinds of seting rrngements upon fcetofce communiction horizontl, verticl nd symmetric orienttions how sttus is shown by proximity nd orienttion wht hpens when people come too close some som e of the wys which which we cn use proxi proxiity ity nd orienttion to mke interction with others esier, more coortble nd more effective. One interesting experiment crried out by Jmes Bxter nd Richrd Rozelle illustrtes the ofen drmtic effects of chnging the distnce between people when they they re communicting. They selected two groups of people, one to be subjected to very close fcetofce fcetofce interviewing interviewing by someone plying ply ing the role of police pol ice officer nd one to undergo lesser degree of proximity. They cled these two situtions severe crowding nd mild crowding.
The interview in ech cse ws in for two-minte pts. The policemn' sed ech person bot the contents of his wllet. For both grops, the ofi ofice ce remined for feet 1 .2 m) from the the individl ding the ist two mintes. At the beginning of the second two mintes, he cslly moved fowd ntil he ws bot b ot two two feet feet (0 ( 0 . 6 m) wy. In the the third two two mintes, mintes, he moved to within few inches with the severe crowding grop, bt emined t two feet (0.6 m) with the mild cowding gop. In the lst two mintes, he moved bc to the two feet (0.6 m) distnce with the sevee crowding grop nd simply emined where he ws fo the mild crowding gop. He ws told to mintin eye contct with l his inteviewees in ll pts of the inteview. Those who were in the sevee cowding gop ected very differently from norml when the policemn' ws t his closest to them. Their speech becme dispted nd disorgnized. There ws n increse in eye movements nd gze vesion. They dopted positions which enbled them to plce thei ms nd hnds between themselves nd the inteviewer. They oen held thei hnds clsped protectively t cotch level lie footbllers witing fo free ic to be ten nd wee we e genely mch moe nervos nd restless when the interviewe hd invded their personl spce by pproching too closely. This demonstrtes the powe of proximity nd shows tht lie othe spects of body lngge, we need to increse or sensitivity in sing it. Exercise: competition eu coopetion Fur hw a abl and i chair Th ndca ha a rn yu ar abu m in hr Wha yu ha d dcid which chair y wuld ccuy in ach f h fllwin uan
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am f f ch ch wih hi rn and i a Yu ar in l ay a am ma m an n fr yu w n Plac an A n n h a a yu ch Yu ar in hl h rn c ml m l a crw crwrd rd uzzl uz zl Plac Pl ac a B n n h a yu ch iniw h rn fr fr a jb in a mall , frnd frndly ly Yu ar in iniw ranizain lac a C n h a yu ch
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w, n Fiur lac an fr h hr rn and a fr f r yurlf n h a yu wuld cnidr m arra f yu wr in cnduc a frmal dicilna inw
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Exercise reiew Accrdin h rarch ha ha bn dn, y ar m likly ha ickd cain iin fr ach f h iain d in h rci
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Fr a, y wil rbaby ha ickd h a immdialy i h rn aain whm y wr lay a am f ch A w ha ar, w nd i i w ar cmin aain I may ha mhin d wih h fac ha w lik b in a iin frm which w can ryhin an adra d
Fr y wil rbably ha chn h a n h rn y wr h (ha i, h a h rih f h n markd X W nd i alnid l if w ar in a crai rlainhi wih hm Thr i, rha, n ch a ra nd an y n wha mn i din wh n w ar n cm in aain hm Fr y rbably cd h a dianally h l f h rn, a h nd f h ab Aain, a w hal , ch d iana ain arranmn ha bn hwn b aiclary fl fr iniwin iain Whn y wr lcin iin fr a dicilina iniw, h chanc ar ha y lacd yrlf a h i nd f h abl frm h rn y wr rrimand i rbably naral wan dianc nf frm wha i ikly b an nlaan ak I may, hwr, b ha h dianal ain arranmn d fr hr kind f iniw may ak m f h d f h iain Lk a h rci aain and ializ h inracin ha wld ak lac in ach ibl cmbinain f a Y hld fl ha h dianal arranmn r h b cmrmi bwn h rly frmal and h caa If y d n fl i way a h mmn, rha y will chan yr mind whn y ha rad hrh h r f h char.
Satng aangmnt Whee people choose to sit in the vious situtions in which they find themselves evels cetin pedictble pttens of behviou. But whee they choose to sit my not lwys be the best position fo them to chieve wht they wish to chieve. Fo instnce, lectue oom wil tend to fill up fom the bc fowds. Yet, peope hve pesumbly gone long to he wht someone hs to sy: it would, suely, be bette to occupy set t the font the thn the bc.
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Similrly, mny people dopt bsurdly forml seting rrnge ments for interviws rrngements tt cn be sown to inibit rter tn encourge te very ting tt is supposed to tke plce, tt is, te fllest nd freest possible excnge of informtion nd views Individuls wo go into brs nd oter socil settings in te ope of meeting someone tey cn tlk to will often seek set in corner or in some oter position from wic they cn observe Tese re not, owever, positions tt oters re likely to be drwn to fr better to plce oneself boldly in te centre of movement nd ctivity: most likely set t te counter in br or t tble ner te counter if tose sets re ll occupied Albert Merbin, wose work we ve encountered before, mde some interesting suggestions for tose wo find temselves lone in public plce, perps in strnge city, nd wo wis to leve te possibility of tlking to someone else open Firly obviously, sitting wit your bck to oter people present will tend to preclude suc possibiity Sitting fcing my well be little dunting, not only for te person tking up suc position, but lso for te people lredy tere Sitting t ngle offers good compromise It prevents too muc initil closeness nd it does offer te cnce of joining in converstion t lter stge if tis becomes pproprite In fct Merbin suggested zig zg design for br nd cfeteri tbles nd counters, wic e feels would encourge suc incresed contcts (see Figure 6.3). As you cn see, tis provides very flexible rrngement in wic groups of people cn converse, wile t te sme time leving it open for people to keep temselves to temselves if tey wis If te sets re on swivels, tis increses te exibility of te rrngement In cfeteri of te trditionl design wit squre or sligtly oblong tbles, n djcent sides t rigt ngles' rrngement is fvoured by people wo wis to tlk to ec oter People wo do not wis to tlk tend to sit opposite one noter if te tes re squre If te tbles re oblong, nd were tere re, sy, two sets t eiter side of te tble nd one t ec end (s in te exercise you did erlier), people wo wis to tlk will sit eiter directly opposite ec oter or digonlly cross te corner t one end People wo do not wis to tlk will sit eiter t te ends or digonlly opposite ec oter on ec side
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As we saw in the exercise, those whose relationship with each other is competitive will tend to sit facing each other. Those whose relationship or task is a cooperatve one will tend to sit side by side. Not only are these positions naturally taken p by most people i sch situations, they can be sed to encorage the kind of behavior desired. That is to say, if yo place people opposite each other they will tend to compete: if yo place them side by side, they will be mch more likely to cooperate. This fiding has sefl implications for deciding seating arrangements at places of work and in meetings and conferences. It is interesting to speclate on what the eect might be in, say, indstrial negotiations if a seating arrangement other than the traditional across-the-table one were to be sed. It is also fairly clear that g Arthrs rond table, givg eqality to all the participants, anticipated some of the recent research into non-verbal comnication. I iterviews, the positions wch are characteristically taken up are not always the best available. As we saw earier, for discip interviews, people will tend to sit opposite each other and as far away as the sie of the table will permit. here are still many people who will adopt the same positions in other kinds of interviews, sch as ob selection, conselg and performance appraisal. Yet the research at has been done sggests that, sce the purpose of most terviews is to obtain or give information and opinions, the diagonal position at the coer of a table is preferable when there are only o people interviewer and interviewee involed. Generally speakig, it is bette to have an iformal seing than a formal one. Sig omortable chairs wi a low table leads to the exchange of more foation than the d of foral seng in which the iteriewers sit along a sort of top table and the iterviewee sits at a separate sma table i ont of it.
7
Wy do yctrt ve coce? Orienttion is slly defined s the degee of the ngle between line joining one person to nother nd the direction in which the person nder considertion is fcing. Ths, when two people re fcing ech other diectly, this is 0° It hs been fond tht the frther prt two people re, the more lely it s tht the ngle of orienttion will be 0° Oienttion my lso be symmetrcl o symmetricl. A symmetricl one mens the people involved e fce to fce, bc to bc, or their ngles of oentton re the sme (tht is, both e, sy, third o hlf t wy om ech othe). symmeticl orienttion is one n whch the ngles e derent, s when one person is fcing diectly, bt the othe is hlftrned wy. Asymmeticl oienttions permit close proximity thn those which re symmetricl, especilly when both re fcing. Bc-to-bc orienttions me commniction difficlt becse, even thogh verbl messges my still be nderstood, the fct of not being ble to obseve ech other's body lngge mens lrge prt of the totl messge hs been removed. Mehrbin hs clclted om his own reserches tht s mch s 93% of the messge in fce-to-fce enconter is non-vebl, leving only 7% for the verbl (we shll etn to this point in Chpter 1 1 ). Orienttion cn be hoizontl or it cn be verticl. In the horizontl plne the min concen is whether the orienttion is fcng or not. In the verticl plne, the inteest is in whether the person concerned is highe p or lower down thn nother. Being higher p thn nothe person, or even simply being tller, significntly fects the interction which tes plce. People behve dierently when lyg down thn when stnding p. People lg down tend to remember more, generlly. Memory recll is negtively ccelerted fnction of time, tht is to sy, moe is reclled in the rst few mintes. People will be moe imginve nd reective when lyg down, bt less receptive to ction. en stnding, thoght tends to reslt more edily in ction, bt i less responsive to new sggestions nd to close exntion of topic. Decisions re mde fster nd more strongly when stnding. is my ccont for the sggestion mde by t lest one thority on mngement techniqes tht dily ction conferences by mngers shold be ten stndg p rther thn the more noml sittg rond tble. And the ndings bot how people remember more nd re more reectve when lying down my hve some bering on the nswer to the qeson with which we strted seion.
Stat, oxmty an ontaton
In consideing positioning s n spect of oienttion, t inteesting to note how stts is both conveyed by positioning nd cn be confeed by it. It hs been noticed, fo instnce, tht people who sit t eithe end of the tble in jy oom e most oen elected foemen: the hed of the tble position is, then, elity nd is qite clely ssocited with highe stts. It hs lso been obseed tht senio people lign themselves on the ighthnd side of chosen lede, which mens tht the tem ight-hnd mn my be bsed on wht ctlly hppens. Being highe p, fo instnce on ostm o simply by being tlle, pts peson in dominting position. Ledes tend to be tlle nd this is emphsized by the eltively few well-known histoicl ledes who wee on the shot side. Howeve, it hs lso been somewht confsingly obseved tht ledes tend to sit down whilst othes stnd. In some inteesting expeiments, the behvio of people enteing ofices hs been stdied fo wht it cn tell s bot how we signl o stts to othes. It ws obseved tht low stts individls tend to sty ne the doo on enteing. Those of highe stts ppoch the desk. Those of eql stts will come in nd sit down next to pesons desk. Fiends e met by the individl whose ofce it is coming ot fom behind the desk. Poximity nd oienttion, then, cn be sed not only to indicte stts bt lso to seek its being ccoded to s by othes. Althogh it is not the only fcto to be consideed, it is nevetheless n impotnt one.
Don't com any co Robet Somme hs defined wht he clls pesonl spce s tht e ond ech of s which we do not like othes to ente except by invittion o nde cetin specil cicmstnces. We cy this pesonl spce ond with s wheeve we go. It extends the fthe in font of s thn to the sides nd is lest behind o bcks. In cowds, we e peped to ccept ess pesonl spce thn noml. One eseche hs estimted tht in dense cowds we hve six to eight sqe feet (0.50.75 sq. m) ech, whees in loose cowds we hve bot ten sqe feet (1 sq. m) ech.
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Sometes or personl spce is delibertely invded by others for prticlr reson. I the experiment eported t the beginning of this chpter, the severe crowding by the interviewe is similr to tctics ofen sed by police interogtors. Americn policemen re sometimes tined to sit close to sspect, with no tble o des beeen them. They grdlly move thei chi forwrd dring the interogtio so tht er time one of the sspects nees is jst between the policemns nees. Sch closeness, when ninvited, is lmost lwys perceived s thretening. Lovers will ccept greter proximity om ech othe, bt even here it is inteesting to note tht they lmost lwys close their eyes when issing. Since they pproch very close nd gze into ech others eyes for mch of the time, there wold seem to be no logicl reson why they shold close thei eyes fo the most enjoyble prt of the interction. It my be tht even in this instnce some illsion of pesonl spce, mde by closing the eyes, is necessy. Sommers stdies hve shed n interesting light on hmn teitoili. I his stdies of the d of spce people need fo resonbly pecef livg, he hs fond tht cetin hosing desis re more liely to led to troble with neighbos thn others. e ide hs been developed of fibl a Wht mens is tht we ech need n re in which to ve tht we cn protect gst nwnted intsion by othes ts re too smll, too closely plced, nd tend to throw people togethe too mch, ts led to tensions, which my vey qicy develop into open hostili nd ressive behvior. However, Sommer mentions tht people in plce e Hong Kong seem to hve dpted to resictions on spce resonbly well. He tells s tht the Hong Kong Hosing Athority bds low-cost ccoodtion on the bsis of bot 35 sqre feet (3.25 sq. m) per person. When he sed wht the eect would be of incesg the ownce, e ws told With 60 sqre feet (5.5 sq. m) pe peson, the tennts wold sblet. I peventing violtions of pesonl spce, oienttion cn often be sed s territoril mrer. We e elctnt to pss beween two people, so fcing the peson we e intecting with· will dete invsions of or mtl pesonl spce. It is possible to sit t n ngle in sch wy s to close o n intection to intrders, by stretching the legs ot so tht othes will be elctnt to cross over them. In fct, the ngle of oienttion cn reglte the degree of privcy in convestion. People who re exchnging confidences will ofen trn wy from the generl interction in order to discoge intrdes.
If person spce is vioted, peope wi move wy from te intruder but mintin teir direct orienttion towrds ec oter, s if to remind te intruder tt is or er presence is not wecome nd tt tey wi resume teir former positions s soon s e or she s d te good sense to move on Sometimes, if the intruder persists in remining, peope wi cnge teir orient tion wy from te intruder in order to emphsize teir rejection of te invsion A number of oter interesting observtions hve been mde of te use of orienttion s non-verb communiction too For instnce, during rrivs nd deprtures orienttion wi ofen tke sttus into ccount, s in te frequenty observed penomenon of peope bcking wy from highsttus peope before turning This my eiter ve its roots in te ong estbised trdition of bcking out of te presence of royty, or it my be tt tt prticur custom rose out of ntur deference to sttus Peope wo hve conspirtori retionsip wit others wi tend to pproc from te side, itery siding' up to feow potter It is surprising ow often tis ctivity cn be observed t poitic meetings nd conferences, togeter wit te kind of turning wy om the gener interction mentioned erier Orienttion in crowded conditions cn exibit interesting vritions from norm beviour Peope in ifs, on pubic trnsport nd t footb mtces wi usuy void direct orienttion In situtions in wich the crowding is so severe tt te body cnnot be turned wy, te ed wi be Tis is perps most frequenty observed in commuter trins nd on oter mss-trnsit systems were peope re so crowded togeter tt tey re toucing Anoter penomenon often observed on underground tube trins is tt peope wi sit rigidy, mking s few movements s possibe, nd xedy string into spce, voiding eye contct wit oters Bot men nd women use direct orienttion for disiked ig sttus men (to keep cose eye on wt tey migt do to treten tem?) but use n indirect orienttion for ow-sttus women (prty turning wy from someone wo is perceived s not being very importnt?) It seems to be te cse tht were te tret potenti is igest, te orienttion is te most direct It cn be interesting to observe ow diferenty peope orientte temseves to te boss nd to te cener or jnitor.
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When women e tling togethe, they will stnd close to ech othe nd will se moe diect oienttion thn when men e tling togethe. This is bt one of the mny difeences between the sexes in the se of body lngge. Sch individl difeences n cltl diffeences will be ppent in sevel of the chptes in this boo. One phenomenon which shows some nsl behvio is in the cse of people egding othes s non-pesons. A non-peson is nyone we ct towds s if they wee not thee. Exmples of sch behvio might be: octos iscssing hospitl ptients when those ptients e pesent dines convesing nd ignoing wites people in thei pyjms o nightdesses opening the doo to postmen nd milmen nd feeling no embssment in doing so. Someone who is non-peson o fly on the wll' hs niqe oppotnity to obseve hmn behvio which is denied to the est of s.
Making ntaction ai The moe diect the degee of oenttion, the moe ttention is nomlly being pid. If n indiect oienttion is sed, this will slly men the involvement in the convestion is less. In sch cse, thee my be occsionl tns of the hed towds convestion ptnes jst to show tht one hs not switched of ltogethe. If yo tn yo bc on someone, this wil stop convestion ded. This my well be why it is oen egded s the height of deness to do this. Fcing nothe nd tning the hed wy o looing ove the othe's sholde t othe people pesent hs the sme effect, thogh it my te the longe. In gop of thee, stnge ind of divided oienttion is oen obsevble. In this, the ppe pt of the body my point towds one peson nd the lowe to the thid. Thee hs been the sggestion tht if this wee not done the thid peson wold feel le ot. All of this shold seve to indicte tht yo cn se oienttion to invite o to void intection with othes. Genelly speing, diect oienttion wil invite intection. Oen, you cn use n indiect oienttion s you ppoch othe peope so s o
remove ny possible strnger thret nd to permit esier retret if they indicte they do not wish to tlk to you, without loss of fce. If pproch is llowed, you cn switch to more direct orienttion t n pproprite point. It is worth noting tht mutul gzing increses with n indirect body orienttion. As we sw in Chpter 1, incresed eye contct will enhnce the possibilities of successl interction. So the lnce of orienttion with other spects of body lnguge needs to be crefully wtched for encourging others to interct. It is something which cn be used to help us to communicte non verblly more effectively with others. It is thus nother useful wepon in our rmoury which we should not neglect.
xc an xmnt Who is h boss round hr? see a large pen-plan ice. See if yu can deermine, n he asis f hw space is alcaed and hw peple pent use prximiy and rienin, wh he highstaus ind ividuals are. D hey si in sme degree f islain frm he he? D hey have larger desks? D hey have mre ciulain space arund heir desks? D hey end si a ne end f he rm r i n he middle? Wha her erriria marke can yu ideni? Hw d he hers apprach he dess f superi? Hw d superi cming in frm her depamens ehave? An ideal ppuniy fr caring u his exercise wuld e if yur sein pin vek rganizain's ices
2 Lr hinking Lie dwn n a cuch, sfa r seee and ry hinking au yur ife as a child Afer five minues, sand up and cninue yur hughs. D yu, in fac, find i easier recall when lying dwn? Then, sanding up , reflec n wha ha s happened yu during he day (clearly yu will need aemp his exercise in he evening) Then lie dwn and cninue yur reflecins D yu find i easier reflec when ying dwn, as his chaper has prediced?
3 Ar you siing cofoby? If yu can, enlis he help f anher persn r f w r hree hers Cndc an ineiew (as if, say, yu were applying fr a j) in he
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ari ain arranmn d in hi char Which m b h m dci? If y cann d hi, wach m iniw n liin wih h nd rnd dwn, and b frm h f rimiy and rinain which m b rin m aifacrily Ar hy h n wih h ra dr f infrmaliy r h whr h rinain i frmal? If y can ida h rcdin and hn lay hm bac wih h nd nd , mch h br.
o nd k o Th n im y ar in a lac li a bar, cafria r clb) whr l li y habially cm m hr l, in rimiy and rinain in h way d in hi char ini hr inrac wih y. h ai way will b lac ylf in r nar h cn f aciiy in h chn lac. Y may a lacin yrlf dlibraly n h rih f n and b h dirnc in h way l rac.
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Soci orinrin Sdy h ari cial iain in which y find yrlf in h cr f a day and idnify which i h m arria dr f rimiy and rinain in ach ca. Rcrd yr bain in y r nb r n a Whn y riw hm , d i lyin dwn Hw d yr racin cmar wih yr bain n rci in ri char whn y wr n lyin dwn? Ha y idnifid any way f imrin yr f rimiy and inain which wr n dicd in hi char?
o ' n o m n
this chapter
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about body contact and toucing te main distinction tat is made between tese two is one of intent, for te foe carries te implcation of accidental toucing and e laer implies a delibeate ac te dierence is not a igid one and it is only possible to distinguis te o on te basis of wc pa of te body is doin g te toucing.
2
Touch is pobby the st of ou senses to deveop. The bby in the womb cnnot see, smel, tste o he (though the st my not be ue). Once bon, touch becomes most impotnt sense nd it is though it tht much of ou eiest expeience o communicting wit othes comes. Resech hs shown tht whee bbies (nd othe young nims) e depived of touching by othes thei deveopment is stunted, not ony sociy nd emotionly but physicly. Touching cn hve poweful effect on how we ect to sitution. Even if we e touched ccidently o unintentionly, we cn still be significnty ffected by it. M Knpp epted n expeiment in which, s iby cds wee being etuned to students, the iby ssistnt touched the hnds of some in pssing the cd ove, but not of othes. In othe espects, behviou ws ept constnt. The ony thing tht chnged ws whethe o not toucing occued. Once outside the iby, the students wee sed to te the liby ssistnt nd the iby geney on ting sce. Those who hd been touched, especily the femles, judged the ssistnt ( nd the liby) moe fvouby thn those who hd not been touched. And this ws tue both fo those who wee we of hving been touched nd fo those who wee not. Such is the powe of even feeting, bey noticebe touching expeience. We use touch in mny wys, though pehps not in quite s mny s we might, fo ous is not society wich encouges dults to touch ech othe. We e too quic to pce sexul connottion upon touching nd ours is not vey ibeted society even now, sexuly speing. ut we do use vious foms of touching, to encouge, to expess tendeness o sympthy nd to show suppot. Touching is moe ikey to occu in some situtions thn in othes. Peope e moe liely to touch: when giving infomtion o dvice thn when eceiving it when giving n ode the thn esponding to one when sing fvou the thn gnting one when tying to pesude the thn being pesuded when t pty the tn t wo when expessing excitement te thn istening to someone ese's excitement when istening to someone ese's woies the thn expessing thei own.
One stdy fond tht 60% of people greeting or sying goodbye t n ipot were toching. As one might perhps expect, longer embrces were observed moe eqently in deprtres thn in rivls. A nmber of stdies hve lso fond tht toching is more ofen initited by men thn women. Frther findings will emerge s we loo, in this chpter, t the inds of bodily contct there e, wht they men nd how we cn me bette se of them in developing or body lngge sils. It is n re in which we shll hve to te moe thn s cre, becse yo cnnot be close to people (t lest physiclly thn when yo re toching them. This cn me it dngeros to me mistes Bt we shold still find tht we cn identi wys of sing bodiy contct to better effect. Exercise: ho's toching ho? in drawin li in Fir in wic bdy i diidd in ari a, cndc a brif y amn yr frind and acqai nanc whr y allw r l c hm T a an qal n mbr f mal and fml A m idnify a y wld c b cd by ir mr, by ir far, by a am- frin, and by an i frind Rcrd rn n fig by man f all i ( a fr aml) Ma arr drwng f yr wn if i will l
7.
Exercise revie Ti ind f rarc wa fir carrid by Sidny Jrar an a bn cndcd by many r l inc T r a narly alway ry mc am A yical i gin in Figur and y ld cmar yr wn findin wi m. A y cn , m l (c, a, ml) allw mc mr cin f m a f bdy by i- frin an by anyn l T cn i amn f cing f cn a f by rmid mr. Wy d y n m mn i n rmid r cd frm fr? Wy i c a dirnc bwn am- frind an i frn? I ran ly ual? Y mig li cula n anwr qin n n rally nw anwr
72
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Ted b e M F
Ted b eex ed
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M Me F Fee
wh pop toh
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oy contact an tocng
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Hai is the nme oen given to describe toching behviour.
o
Bt it might be worthwhile ming some distinctions between bodily contct nd toching. In the min, bodily contct refers to ctions which re ccidentl, nconscious nd mde by ny pr of the body. Toching implies tht the ctions re deliberte, conscios, nd mde primrily by the hnds. The tems re not clerly defined in this wy, however, in the litetre on body ngge nd perhps it is in ny cse too fine distinction for or prposes here. We shll se both terms, bt slly toching will crry the connottion of more ctive involvement of the person doing the toching . Severl inds of contct hve been identified. Michel Argyle tells s tht some of the folowing re most common in Western cltures: T f ng P f d nd nd Ptting Hed, bc Slpping Fce, hnd, bottom Fce, chest Pnching Pinching Chee Stroing Hi, fce Hnds Shing Kissing Moth, cheek, hnd Fce Licing Hnd, rm Holding Giding Hnd, rm Embrcing Sholder, body Lining Arms Lying-on Hnds Kicing Bottom Hir, fce Grooming Anywhere Ticling
Richrd Hedin hs plced the vrios types of toching into ctegories rnging from very impersonl messges to very personl messges: Fuctialfial sch s golf pro with stdent, tilor with cstomer, doctor with ptient Sciallit sch s hndshes, hnd clsps Fihiwath sch s friendly pt on the bc or sholder embrce 4 Lvitiacy sch s toching loved one's chee or lover's iss Sxual aual sch s the mtl toching whih ccompnies love-ming Desmond Morris identified twelve steps which Western coples pss throgh on the wy to sexl intimcy Occsionlly step my be missed ot, bt they lmost lwys occr in this order: Eye to body Eye to eye Voice to voice 4 Hnd to hnd Arm to sholder Arm to wist Moth to moth Hnd to hed Hnd to body Moth to brest Hnd to genitls Genitls to genitls Wht the vrios inds of toching men, however, depends on severl fctors: which prt of the body toched the other person which prt of the body is toched how long the toch lsts how mch pressre is sed whether there is movement fter contct hs been mde whether nyone else is present if others re present, who they re the sittion in which the toching occrs nd its mood the reltionship between the people involved All in ll, the determintion of mening for toching is complex fir jst s complex s for ny other spect of body lngge.
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Touching implies bond between the toucher nd the touched. It follows, therefore, tht the min vritions in how we respond to being touched depend on the closeness of the eltionship between ourselves nd the other person. Thee is ver close connection beween ouching nd liking. Indeed, the Humn Potentil movement (originlly Ciforni-bsed group of socil psychologists nd others) believed tht touching leds to liking. Touching cn led to liking, but not in isoltion from other spects of body lnguge. You should not ssume tht if you go round touching people they will necessily like it. Fr better to use other body lnguge skills to develop the reltion ship nd let greter bodily contct occur ntully s pt of this process. Attitudes towrds touching cn vry considerbly. Some people for whom vrious foms of bodily contct (embrcing, hugging nd kissing) re norml pt of fmily life tend to hve more positive ttitudes thn those for whom it is re. You hve to find out through observtion the kinds of contct people feel comfortble with before you increse the vrious forms of even nonsexul fondling. Sexul touching is very dngerous re for everydy experimenttion nd, becuse of the possibilities of misinterprettion, is best left lone. If it hens by mutul consent ll well nd good, but the best dvice is: when in doubt, dont touch.
Yo n an There re some resonbly sfe res in which bodily contct cn be incresed. In greetings nd frewells, s we hve lrdy seen, bodily contct is often norml prt of the occsion. Hndshkes re prticully common nd, if they do not occur spontneously, they cn ofen be introduced without ny wkwrdness or embrssment. They cn tke mny forms, from the limpest-wristed holding out of hnd nd lowing the other person to hold it wekly nd briefy to the strongest nd most vigorous shking of the others hnd, which hs even been known to produce n expression of pin on the prt of the recipient. Most people seem to prefer hndshkes which re on the irm side ther hn the wek. Wek hndshkes seem to be ssocited in men with effemincy nd generl ineffectiveness of personlity. Women my get wy with weker hndshke, but even here, if the hndshke is too wek, it my be perceived s being oered insincerely nd reuctntly. You should remember
tht the prpose of hndshe is to greet someone or bid them fewell or to cement n greement. It needs to be firly positive, wrm nd fiendly if it is to come nywhee ne to doing its job. Hnds e lso sed fo moe polonged holding thn occrs in the hndshe. Desmond Morris inclded hndholding in wht he clled tie-signs', o behvio which indictes the existence of pesonl eltionship. Other exmples e the body-gide', in which the hnd is sed to gide someone in the direction in which yo wnt them to go by mens of light pessre on the person's bc, the pt', in which peson is ptted on the m, the solde o the bc, nd embces of vios inds. The hnds cn be sed in self-toching. Some common forms of this e stroing the chin, gooming the i, sctching the hed nd bbing the nose. Sch ctions often occ ding moments of stess. Obseve c drive who is being tilgted' ( tht is, the dive behind is fr too close for sfey t the speed being telled). Vey often, drivers in this sittion will sctch their heds o tei eyebows or the side of thei fce. If yo dobt this nd cnside tht sch ctions re simply becse the drive hs n itch, ty to observe drives on motowys. Yo will find noticeble incese in selftoching ding moments of tension nd stess sch s occr in tilgting. Do not do the tilgting yoself, thogh, for obvios esons.
Hggng and kng Thee is school of psychlogicl thoght which ttribtes ny of o contemporry pesonl nd socil pblems to the fct tht, s dlts, we do not indlge in hgging nd being hgged s mch s when we wee childen. If only we cold get bc, they ge, to sittion in which we hgged ech othe s freely s childen do, we shold ll be mch hppier for it. Thee my well be some tth in this, bt it is diiclt to see how it cn be chieved. Pehps we cold ech me strt by hgging thse closest to s little moe often. The sme my well pply to ctivities lie cddling nd ticling, thogh once gin the giding principle s to wht is possible is wht is ppopite. Thee e, e l, those wh enjoy bodily contct nd espond to it edily nd those who e relctnt to become involved in mch toching nd tend to shy wy from it. People e slly pt into two ctegoies: tochers nd non tochers. Thee is some evidence tht there is n ssocition
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with gestes, with toches pefeing open gestes nd non toches tending to se closed gestes. Anothe difclty in extending the feqency of ctivities like hgging nd kissing is the eltionship between bodily contct nd stts. This fects ll toching behvio. It is esy enogh to hg nd kiss child, bt it wold be impossible to extend this to one's speio t wok. It is esy enogh fo docto to give nse n encoging pt on the bck o to toch ptient; it is mch moe dificlt fo nse to do the sme to docto o fo ptient to toch docto. Agin, exceptions e smll childen nd lso, pehps, the vey old. Stoking nd cessing e toching behvios eseved fo ose whose eltionship is close, slly sexl, one. eveydy life we tend to hve to sbstitte vebl stoking fo physicl stoking. Eic Bene, the fonde of tnsctionl nlysis, sw sch stoking' s wishing someone well o hoping they wold hve nice dy' s being vey impotnt in impoving intepesonl eltionships. Between stnges, it is indeed pobbly bette tht sch stoking' shold be vebl the thn non-vebl. Thee is one ctivity, howeve, in which toching is not only genelly pemissible bt ctlly encoged. Tht is in dncing (tht is, blloom dncing nd not disco dncing in which the pticipnts ely, if eve, tch). Dncing cn be peliminy lte cy t cn e idlged n entiely f its wn se Those who feel in ny wy deived of toching expeiences cn emedy the sittion in ny dnce hll povided, f cose, tht they know the dnce steps. Kissing expeiences e less esy to genete becse of thei oe feqent sexl sscitins. I some filies nd socil gps, it is csty fo embes eeting deting fom ech othe t exchnge bief iss. In othes, thee is hdly ny issing t ll, even ding lveing.
Don't push Aggessive behvi en invlves bdily cntct, thgh ch ggessi cn be exessed veblly. Accding t Michel Agyle, ggessin is the ite esponse t ttc, sttion nd copettin fo esoces. Uslly thet displys e mch moe common th ctl bodily cntct. A biltin ppesement echnism seems to pevent s fom going so f s to dmge ech othe, less pvoked beyond o limits of tolence.
Amongst childen get del of ppently violent ply cn occr moe often mong boys thn gils Yong men my often be boisteos with ech othe, sping nd genelly indlging in hoseply Loves cn engge in plyfl pinching, n ctivity which feqently becomes fom of sexl foeply Sch ctivities my even be wys in which we cn get ggessive tendencies ot of o systems It wold cely be bette if we cold ect to ggessive sittions in the sme ind of wy tht we ect to ninvited bodily contct in sch plces s tbe tins, whee we espond to the inevitbility of contct not by fighting it bt by tning o heds wy fom the immedite soce of contct Tning the othe chee my, e ll, hve pcticl dy-tody ppliction
boy contact Fom ll of this we cn pehps extct some wys in which we cn impove o pefomnce in wht we hve ledy identied s highly sensitive e of body lngge which is ght with dnges fo the celess nd the nwy We cn develop fm (bt not too fim) , fiendy hndshe which will give othes some essnce in intecting with s We cn engge in the socil iss in those sittions in which it is ppopite Fo deciding which sittions e ppopite we hve to develop o sensitivity to toch eceptiveness on the pt of otes Cying ot some of the execises t the end of this chpte, jst s cying ot the execises in othe chptes, wil help yo bid p genel sensitivity to the se of ll the vious spects of body lnguge old sying ns tht the best wy to noc chip o pesons sholde is to pt m o he on the bc This hs moe thn metphoicl ppiction fo, s we hve seen, ptting on the m, shode o bc cn be geste of encogement o sppot Oen, this is jst wht people with chips on thei shodes need, s sch ttide is eqently the eslt of being ignoed o ndeved in some wy Similly, iendly o potective ms ond sholdes cn be wys in which we cn show peope tht we e on thei side Yo shold emembe tht, in te iht cicumstnces, tochng cn pomote lng As the stdy quoted t the begning of the cpte showed, toucg cn lso podce fvoble ections om othes nd is ths mens of inencing the jdgements nd even the ctions of othes Tocng is ppopite when congtltg othes on some chievement o
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sccess. Uslly, this is the fom of pts on the bck, hndshing o hgging. Toching cn ofen be sed legitimtely to ct ttention, especilly om someone whose ttention is clely elsewhee. It cn lso be sed when giding people.
Exercises
and expeiments
o' ouch o .
In a c, ran, ar r hr lic lac, l' chin hair T idni h ch and h nnch Ar hr dirnc in hr ac f ach r' f dy ana?
2 Giv hug Th n im i i aria, h mn whm y nw wll wh y wld rha n hin i ncary h in rdr cmmnica yr acin fr hm Eaml mih b mhr fahr, i, rhr, wif, hand r hr cl rlain Wha ar yr racin hi rci? Wha wa hir rn?
3 Who is i? Enli h crain f n r w frind A n f hm lindfld y and hn dirc y anhr n T idnify ha rn y chin hir fac and had ny Hw ay i i d hi? G h hr a i in m car h ci Dic yr rn h aciiy Can y find any na rl fr idnifyin l y ch? Hw d el fl a in idnifid in hi way?
Shk hds p Dr in h cr f a day, iin el y m irn ind f handha whn y m hm Wha ar hir racin? D y fl ha l rfr a rnr r a war handha? Hw d y rac h handha y rci frm h? Wha i yr wn rfrnc a far a handha ar cncrnd?
odig o og On h ccain whn y find ylf in hyical cnac wih hr whm y nw wll , in h frm f andha, hug, ki and n, mainainin h cnac fr lighly lnr n sal Hw d y fl a din hi? Hw hr l rn?
In this chapte
y will lea:
bou ppence nd psiu simple cnges o ese cn e n eect upon n indiduls bili to inec successfully w oters wic s not nsignficn
Q
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We turn now to considering the counictive vlue of the wy we look to other people. The size nd shpe of our bodies nd the wy we cover those bodies with clothing of vrious kinds exerts considerble influence over how other people perceive s nd over how much ttention they py to s. These would seem, t first sight, to be res over which we cn exert little control but, s we shll see, this is not the cse. Indeed, they re res in which we hve considerble scope for mnipultion, without it ppering s such to those we meet in the course of or dily lives. Some spects re completely within our control, bt others re only prtly so. Mrk Knpp invited us to envisge typicl Americn morning scene. The ldy of the hose replces her night-time br with slightly pdded uplift br. She pts on her girdle. She puts on her fce with eyebrow pencil, mscr, lipstick, rouge (or blusher), eye liner nd flse eyelshes. There my be mny more things to do before she feels redy to fce the world. The mn of the house shves his fce, removes his flse teeth from their ovenight so ggles, pts on his ftershve nd decides wht to wer. There is no doubt tht we go to gret del of toble to me oselves presentble to the world. Very few of s indeed simply climb ot of bed, dress in wht we wore the dy before nd set ot to confront whtever the dy hs to offer. We clerly relize tht the wy we look mes dierence to the wy others will rect nd respond to s. Knpp qoted some drmtic, nd distrbing, exmples of how or ppernce cn ffect others nd hence orselves. A jdge in Itly fined Germn womn torist for crossing her legs in sch wy s to bre thigh whilst she st dining coffee with iends t rodside cf. A eserch psychologist fond tht womn hitch-hie cold doble the nmbe of lifts she ws offeed by dding two inches of pdding to her bst. A nineteen ye-old girl with fce so deformed tht people wee epelled by it committed crime in ode to be ested. The jdge odeed plstic srgey for he. He felt chnge of ppernce wold led to chnge of behvio nd edce ntisocil tendencies. Appence nd physiqe my not lwys me the diffeence beeen honesty nd life of crime. Appernce does, howeve, need to be ten seriosly if we e to frther or mstery of body lngge.
Exercise: a compete change of cothing The ne ime yu g u cial ly, dre in an enirely dieren way frm he way in which yu uually dre f yu are in he hai f wearing a ui and ie, dr e caually, r ice era Wha dierence d yu nice in he way yur friend reac? In he way ranger reac? D men reac dierenly frm wmen? Hw d yu feel au dreing dierenly? De i mae yu feel uncmfale r i i a lierang eperience? Exercise review Yu huld have fund, a he e lea, h yu can change yur appearance and her peple will lere i een if hey may cmmen adersely. A he e, yu my well hae fund ha a dieren yle f dre wuld e eer fr yu in fuure ecaue i will enale yu inerc mre uccefully wi h hers Clhe can give cnfidence if hey are eleced carefully wih an eye wha i m aprpriae Timid peple en ha a endency dre perhap a lile cneaively f hi eercie a peruaded a few e a rifle mre adenuru, i may e well have eed a paicularly ueful purpe If yu deiae frm clhing nrm a wr, yu culd well receie crical cmmens, n nly frm yur clleague r wrme u al frm yur uperirs Many cmpan ies have a dre cde Yur may een ell yu g hme and cange in yur nrml wr clhe Hweer, if yu receie n adverse cmmen a all, yu eiher wr in a li eral envirn en r in a j where chice f clhing des n maer f his i he cae and yu alway res in he ame way, yu nw nw yu can e mre arie in yu r chice f aire
Fst mssons As we sw in the lst chpte, o ist contct with othe people is eye to body tht is, we loo fist t thei bodies befoe we estblish eye contct. Exceptions thee my be to this, bt in genel it is te. This mens tht the fst things we sly see e the clothes they re weing, nd from them we me certin jdgements. Clothes my, in moderte nd colder climtes, be necessy fo otection nd my be eqied by the clte on gonds of modesty, bt they still hve considerbe commnictive ve. They evel something bot o income, o stts, or
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occuption, our personlity, nd mny other things. People cn tell gret del bout us simply om our choice of clothes from the gret vriety vilble. Even things thrown on' in the most hurried nd csul mnner still spek volumes. It is no good our trying to give n impression to others, sy of welth or of fshionconsciousness, unless ou clothes suppot wht we sy. They will certinly give ou gme wy. Clothes cn, of course, be ctegorized in mny wys, but one bsic distinction is whethe they re foml o infoml. Forml cn include moe thn tuxedos or dinne jckets. It includes nifoms of vious kinds nd even the bsiness exective's suit. School uniforms my be regrded s foml. This reflects chnges in society. At one time not so long go lounge sits were thought of s infoml, nd invittions to fnctions which sy dress informl' my still men you will be fowned on if yo trn up in well worn swete nd jens. However, in n eveydy context, informl dress usully now mens jst this nd lso includes norks, open-necked shits, ll kinds of trosers or shots, nd so on. Women my now lso wer these things s well s jumpers nd skirts nd dresses of n stonishing vriety. Genelly speking, forml clothes e more common t work nd informl t ply, but we tend to choose wht we shll wer on the bsis of wht is comfortble, wht covers or bodies with ppoprite modesty, or wht displys ou bodies so s to convey to others the imge we hve of ourselves. We lso hve to tke into ccount the previling rules' bot wht is cceptble. Mny clubs nd even brs nd esturnts will not seve you unless, if you re mle, you re wering jcket nd tie. The converse cn be observed on continentl beches in summer when womn my feel overdressed if she wers nything more thn bikini bottom. Fshion is prticulrly inflentil in determining wht young people will wer, though nowdys there is no single fshion to follow. So fshion is no longer the restricting inuence over choice tht it once ws. Jewellery nd other dornents complete the efect of the clothes. We must not neglect the efect of body shpe within the clothes. Our bodies my determine more thn the size of shirt or dress. Advice to the overweight, for exmple, often recommends drker colours or the lower prt of the body nd lighter ones for
the top, vertic stripes rther thn horizont, nd so on It ppers tht, with cre, even ft cn be disgised nd so promote the possibility of chieving better first impression
Yo've goa ave sle Cery, then, since how we dress cn be mniplted, it cn become n importnt element in or commnictive style Or choice of cothing tells others who we re, or t est it tels them how we see orselves It identies or niqeness or, if we re wering niform, or similrity to others It shows how we view r own personlity This is oen conveyed by coor, where more introverted people wi choose qieter or drbber colors nd the more otgoing wil go for brighter nd even contrsting colors Or clothing wil show or ge nd sex, sy, nd my even give hints bot or soci css or stts nd or occption How mch we commnicte to others throgh or choice of cothing cn depend on how mch we wnt to commnicte This my be imited by or physiqe It is difict to dress s n interntion jet-setting pyboy if yo re 50 yers od nd weigh 18 stone (250 lb 114 g) It my so be ffected by or mood t the time sometimes we my wish to be flmboynt (sy, t fncy dress prty) nd smetimes to merge with the crowd How often ll these fctors chnge wi inflence how fen we chnge or clothing, qite prt fom considertions of personl hygiene Some peope seem to wer the sme sweter nd jens for ever others go throgh severl chnges dy Appernce ths gives some sef cles s to wht people we re meeting for the first time will be lie Tht is why sesmen nd pblic retions oicers te so mch troble to be smrt in ppernce Sometimes they overdo it nd come over s too smooth, too blnd, too ingrtiting They go over the top nd ecome Urih Heeps The tric is to go ony so fr s convention dicttes nd to void too mny extr toches ie bttonholes, rest pocet hnderchiefs, too mch ershve nd so on Some interesting stdies hve even shown tht the extent to which stdents wil ccept wht techer sys is fected by his r her ppernce Those who dress resonby smrtly nd conventionly re more liely to be ten s experts in their sbject thn those whose dress is cs nd too inform Most techers seem to be nwre of this nd pce retively ow vle on ppernce
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Sometimes we need to be ble to set side ppence nd physique nd see though to the el messge being communi cted. We must not llow the medium to become the messge. Wht is being communicted is moe impotnt thn how if only we cn get though to it. Howeve, this is not s esy s it sounds. Even juies e influenced by ppence. Well-dessed, ttctive young women get lighte sentences, ccoding to the esech, unless thei cime ws one in which thei ppence ws n sset to them, s in blcmil o confdence ticey.
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Soing te men from te women Even in n ge in which sex equlity is being ctively sought nd sexist' comments nd views e fowned upon, the dieences in the ppence nd physique of men nd women e inescpble. Inevitbly, since they exist, they ect the wys in wich we espond to ech othe non-veblly. We would be less thn fi to ouselves hee if we ignoed them. Men tend to be tlle nd hevie thn women. They e genelly stonge nd ble to cy moe. They hve longe legs nd lge feet in popotion to the est of thei bodies. They un fste, e bette thowes, nd e bette long distnce unnes. They hve bode shouldes nd longe ms, bigge chests, lungs nd hets, stonge sulls nd studie jws. They e thus bette potected ginst physicl ttcs. They lso hve deepe voices, e hiie (though they oen become bld in lte life) nd hve gete tendency to develop pot belly. You might thin ll this would me it n esy mtte to tell men nd women pt. Bu this is not necessily so. Recent confsions hve been ceted s esult of n incesed use of meup by men nd tend fo women to we the sme clothes s men. Still thee e wys in which even women in men's cothing cn be identified s femle. Thee e cetin es of the ntom to which we cn loo fo cues: the fce, fo instnce, fo women do not gow beds. Women genelly hve wide pevis, esulting in wht Desmond Mois cled the cotch gp', sensible ntul povision fo thei ole s child bees. They hve sende wists nd thice thighs. Thei nvels e deepe nd thei bellies longe. The bests usuy potude. They hve ounde bottoms nd hve moe of hip swy when wling.
One migt perps sk wy we need to be ble to detect sex dierences. I mny everydy enconters, it is tre, te sex of te prticipnts is not rely impotnt. In n dvnced indsti society, te roes of te sexes re to rge extent inter cngeble it is only wen it comes to cortsip nd mting tt te differences become essentil. We migt, in pssing, conside two qestions: Wy re femle impersontors so fnny? Some wold dobt tt tey e, bt for tose wo find tem msing prt of te nswer lies in te fct tt tey often exggete feme ccteristics by mking-p too evily, ove-dessing nd ving ger tn nol tificil bsts. Perps tey re lso sign tt or cltre is stil firy sexist one. Is tee gy', or omosexl, ppence nd ysiqe? Tis is becoming more diict to nswe. It sed to be tt gy men d sligter bilds nd dopted ccteristicy femle postres nd gestes even wen tey did not ctlly dress in women's clotes. Gy women sed to we men's cloting or cloting tt d distincty mscine ppernce to it. Nowdys, tese distinctions e ess pononced. Tis my be n indiction tt o sexist society is becoming less so
Body shae and sze t is esier to cnge yo pence tn yo ysiqe, bt oe cnges cn be mde. It is fsionble tody to be slim nd wen moe tn men go to get lengts to edce teir body ize by dieting. Men tend to ty to cieve sii eslt by ens of exercise, sc s jogging. ee e tose wo find sc bevio finty dicos. Yet ee cn be good esons fo ttempting to cnge o even e to cnge, te se nd ize of yo body. It cnges ee's eceptions of yo nd ffects te ont of notice tey e of yo Sccessf simes often eot n iovement in ei socil ives. Even cloting wic ss ftness cn cieve ii est. dy ses e genely cssified s ectomorph tin nd ny) mesomorph sc) o endomorph ft). Mice gye epots tt ectomos e sly eceived by otes s qiet nd tense, mesomos s dventos nd self-elint, d endomorps s wm-eted, greeble nd dependent. s, even being ft cn ve its compenstions.
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Chnges cn lso ect yo view of yoself. Agin, slimes often epot n incese in confidence nd gete sense of wel being. People who become ft in middle e cn become qite depessed by the chnge, especilly if they lc the will to do nything bot it. Convesely, those who slim to the point of noexi often hve poo self-imge nd lso become depessed. The tic seems to be to decide on the body shpe nd ze tht is the best combintion of wht yo wnt nd wht yo n chieve, to wnt to ttin it siciently stongly, nd then to et bot chieving it in esonbly esolte mnne. Motvtion does, in fct, seem to be the single most significnt fcto in detemining wht ind of chnge is chieved nd fo ow long.
People cange y Bidwhistell sggested tht we len to be who we e: it is ot something which is pe-detemined nd nchngeble. It cconts fo the fct tht the people of some egions loo so ch lie when it cnnot be ttibted to shed gees. He geed tht the set of o eyebows, o moth shpe, or fce ontos nd mny othe spects of ppence e ll lened fom othe people we live nd mix with. If this is only ptly te, opens p fthe possibilities fo chnging o ppence. hee e chnges which ppe s we gow olde, bt pehps e cn len to void o postpone some of them withot going o extemes. We cn often esist sgging of the fetes, obesity, ooping nd mny othe chnges by pope ttention to diet nd xecise. eople ofen chnge fte tmtic event in thei personl eltionships, nd not necessy fo the wose Ae seption divoce (nd sometimes fe beevement), some people ddenly become mch moe lively nd otgoing. ey my beg oing to dnces nd sociliing fo the fist time in mny yes. ne of the pdoxes of life is tht olde people ofen ty to loo onge while yonge people try to loo olde. Blding men y begin to we topees. Yong men my grow moustches o beds becuse these me them ppe moe mte. Tee old seem to be nothing vey hmfl in sch ctivities. If hes espond positivey to sch chnges nd if yo feel better the sme time, they cold well hve genelly beneficil ect.
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Imrovng yor imag Suppose you wnted to review you ppernce nd physique nd do something to improve them; how would you stt? The frst sep would be to do the obvious: loo in miror. But lso study recent photogrphs of yourself. Observe youself in shop windows s you wlk down street. If you cn, videotpe yourself, or hve someone else do it. Build up pictue in your mind nd ten set bout ming chnges where you feel you most need to. You might strt by chnging you clothing. If you normlly dress formlly, try being little more informl, or vice vers. If you hitully wer clothes of rther subdued colours, try being little more colourful. Try experimenting little with different inds of clothing. If you shop crefully, it need not be n expensive expeience. You ght chnge your hirstyle. you re competey bd, you could wer toupee. Mny modern ones re scrcely detectble in wer. You might chnge the colour of your hir. It is fst becong cceptble even for men to dye their hir. A new loo here cn hve considerbly upliing eect upon your personlity nd gener confidence. If you re overweight, you could try slimming nd ting exercise. Try it for specified period, sy, three months. It is best to consult your generl prctitioner bout the best method for you. There is no need to enrol in expensive simming clubs unless you feel you need to be in the compny of likeminded others in order to succeed. Py prticulr ttention to you fce nd sin. Men my try growing berds or moustches to see wht efect they hve, not only on others rections, bu lso on how they feel themselves. Women my chnge their meup. There re mny beuty books vible which contin welth of dvice on how to me the most of wht nture gve, or did not give, you. Observe other peope to see wht trends there re in the vrious fshions. You y well see something tht would suit you in the wy others dress nd present themseves to the wold. Wht do your fiends ook lie? Hve you perhps llowed yourself to grow to ook ittle too much like the? Hve you become bird of fether?
There is no need to go over the top nd overdo the chnges. Here, s in most things, modertion is the key. Wht do you elly wnt to look like? Decide tht nd then set bout it in determine nd resolute mnner.
Exercses and experments Don' innov copy C a ri f main icr which hw l ry mch i yrlf in ari ind f clhin . C h had ha h chin wi l b mh aizd. A ral f yr family and frind a h icr fr aracin n a cal f Ak hm wha, cificaly, hy find araci whn hy i a hih cr. a a li f h facr T incra hm in yr wn hi n. Ar h rl bnficial?
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Endo co o so Caify yrlf a an ndmrh, cmrh r mmrh. f y n fi a y aiy, lc h nar n, r a a d frind aify y. Claify yr family. hr a rdminan family y? y a yn, l a h ld mmbr cialy y m ih ha y will l li in a fw yar im. D y li wha y ? aify yr find. A y bird f a fahr? D anyn and a h dd n? D dah nd l li mhr and n fahr? Wha h imilaii and difrnc d y nic?
Whos cohs hs ach f h fllwin f chin, h a, , a cia cla) and yical ccain f h wn
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Ue yur imai nain and chane he wearer arund (e iin a che wearer ; c che wearer i, and n) Wha are he eec f din hi?
Asking or inorion Dre may in cnenina dre G a raiway ain, u ain r air and a me memer f he uic fr direcin a reeeced ace On anher day, dre cruiy in yur de che and cndc he ame eerimen Wha dierence d yu nic in he way ee rend y?
Judging srngrs A yu au yur daiy uine, ee he aearance and hyique f her e Scuae n heir ae, e, au (r cia ca) and iey ccain Wha facr d yu ae in accun in main yur judemen? If he uniy arie naray, a find u hw accurae yu were
6 Who is his? An be d ma n, wih he in and rund, dim ed chee f a ay, he jaw ine and chin am in fa, eye and ne h dirinaey ma, he muh richy cred and hd in a ciar, n hi head a ac hmur ha, and wearin a dark, hree-iece ui Anwer (d n read ni yu hae decided r un e yu ie u i i in bacward) LLl HCRHC OTSIW
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about timing and synchro nization as aspects of body language the impoance of time in Weste culture how well we synchnize when talking to othe.
In his book T Sil Laguag, Edward Hal tod us of an assignment he once had as a member of a mayors comittee on human reations in a big American city. He had to interview heads of departments to assess whether non-discrimination practices could be adopted. Special attention was given to arranging the interviews. Each head was asked to be prepared to spend an hour or more on the discussion. What actually happened was that, in spite of the care taken over the arrangements, appointments were forgotten, he had to wait for ong periods in outer offices, and the ength of the interview itsef ws oen cut down to 10 or 15 mintes. What these heads of departments were doing, whether consciousy or unconsciousy, was using time to communicate something which they probably would not have had the courage, or the rudeness, to express in words Time can thus be a powerl non verbal communicator. This spect of body ngge (the terntive tite non-verb commniction wod, in fact, be more accurte here) is covered by the term chromics or the study of the use of time Our interest here in the fied is in what it can tell s not only bout how the se of time affects communiction between people, but also bot how we can improve our skill in communicating by improving our use of time. We shal also consider the roe of synchony in body ngge when people re conversing Our concept of tie is centrl to our wod view. Indeed, there is amost n osession with tie in or Western cuture. We pce a high importnce on pnctity nd on keeping to a pre determined schede Tht is one reson why, in Ha's story, keeping peope witing is prticlary hostile ction. The tempo of our ctivities tels others gret deal bout s. One simple way to impress others is to ppe to be ways bsy with ots of meetings nd ppointments A fst pce is more highy thought of in the West thn slow one We regard slow-pce peope s zy, thogh they my ctly chieve more thn those who re forever dshing abot bt my e getting nowhere Exercse: aster commncaton Sc a aciiy. Ay aciiy wil d, b m f h ai fr hi y f rci ar radi, wrii r r r, wai frm h ai h ic, wahi h car Tim yr aciiy If y ch radi, im hw l y a rad yr
daily nwspapr, say; if you choos writing, how ong it taks to writ a sing lr or rpo hn ovr th cours of th nxt wk, tim v similar activity (rading th papr writing lttrs or rpos of about th sam lngth and so on ach tim ar th irst, mak a conscious o to spd up just a litt Do not put any grat o into this, simply aim to achiv a nw prsonal bst ach tim and s what happns h impoant things ar o tim th activity, to t to complt th task in sightly ss tim and to kp a rcord of ths tims You will also hav to mak ur that ach task is of approximatly th sam siz ach tim (a nwspapr with th sam numbr of pags to rad lrs and rpos of th sam ngth a journy of th sam distanc, tc
xercise reiew ou should hav found that yo c sp up y activity without ring loss of quality in poanc Somtims th incas in d can b qit sbtial n rading, for insanc, it is not unknown r inc in sp of without loss of comphnsion, to b chivd in this simpl way avrg incas in spd is usually bout n writing th possibilitis for spding up, or saving tim, or limitd, but it should still b possibl to achiv a saving of tim on ch lr or rpo o about which is a not insignificant amount of Similar savings shoud possibl in a wid rng of activitis, ch s walking from th station to th oic or washing th car
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ou hav carrid out th instructions in th xrcis faithfully pcially with rgard to tim ing th ctivity ad kping a rcord (say, a notbook of your rsults you shoul find that it is possibl to considrb amounts of tim not ony in communication but i n vday lif gnraly
Time nd tde e way of creating time which you can use either for more fective commication or for other activities is, then, to ease the rate This is a concept to which we wil return the last section of this chapter, wen we will look at 12 hniques for using time more efectivey What we need to ind ourselves of here, however, is the old adage More haste, speed' In our search for ways of improving time use in munication, it is important that we should avoid hurrying ry can lead to error We need to concentrate on ways that will ble us to achieve our objective without reducing performance
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Another fct we mst remind orseves o f is tht time i s finite resorce tht is to sy, there is only certin mont of it vilble to s. No mtter how hrd we try, we cnnot sqeeze ny more thn 24 hors ot of ny dy. When we remember tht we hve to low time for sleeping, eting nd other ctivities, the mont of time we spend in commnicting with others is probbly no more thn very few hors. It hs been clclted, for instnce, tht the verge mnger spends bot 3 5% of his woring time commnicting with others in vrios wys. Given woring dy of eight hors, we re tling of period of rond three hors. Speeding p ctivities by n verge of 50 % cn ths relese time, which mes it possible to red three jornls in the time it previosly too to red two, or write three reports, me three telephone clls, nd so on, ll in the spce previosly reqired for two. Time cretion is ths n ctiviy with considerble potentil for ming it possible to eep pce with n incresingly rpidly chnging world. Tht is, he pce of chnge is ccelerting nd we mst either find wys of eeping p with it or fll behind. Bt before we exmine these time-cretion techniqes in more detil, et s consider some of the other spects of how or titde to time nd or se of it ffect the ntre nd qity of or commniction with other people.
Good tm and bad tm We re ll wre tht there re certin times when we feel good nd cn commnicte with greter ese nd entsism nd other times when ll we wish to do is isolte orselves nd void ll contct with other people. Sch feelings re often infenced by the ntrl time rhythms of the body. These iaian yms ffect everything we do. When they become disrpted s, sy, in the phenomenon of jet g they cn cse s not only to feel nder the wether bt so to me mistes nd nsond decisions nd to behve irrtionly. Tht is why trvellers who re colecting hire cr when they fy cross the Atlntic, for exmple, re dvised to sty overnight t n irport hotel nd collect the cr fter good nights seep when their body hs hd some chnce to dpt to diferent time zone. Some people nd tht they hbity operte better t one time of dy thn nother. Some re t their best first thing in the morning. Others re better lter in the dy or even t night. It
oes not seem to mtter too muc wic ctegory you find ourself in, s long s te lrs' cn do teir most importnt or erly in te dy nd te owls' cn orgnize teir lives so t te reverse ppens. t of tis difference, owever, is n illusion. Stdies of bility crrying out tss t different times of te dy sggest tt -morning is best, wit te erly prt of the fternoon owing noter pe (toug rter lower tn the morning's) evenings being te worst time. Neverteless, if people feel y re woring more productively in te evenings, tt my be etter finding for tem thn whteve eserch sggests sold pproprite. Perps it is te reltive bsence of distrctions te evening nd t nigt which mes some people prefer m. ytm, in te form of timing, is lso very impotnt in humor. ervtions of comedins cn be interesting for reveling te ortce of timing. Yo shold wtc some on television nd t ow tey wit for te lugter nd pplse to die down, t not out, before continuing with noter gg. Tose wo re tellers of joes often re so not becse the joes tey tell not funny, but becse teir pcing of te joe nd teir ing of the pncline re t fult.
eces and ases urtion of silences nd puses cn ve commnictive . Short esittions, if ssocited with mny speec errors, cn inicte tt speer is nervous or is telling lies. A long e cn be n indiction tt speer s dried up. It cn in converstion, sow thougtflness nd n unwillingness shed for response. ses wen people re speing on television tend to be sorter in ny oter medium. Tis my be consequence of te oil style wic equently dicttes tt items in progrmmes be sort so tt severl sbjects cn be covered in single gmme. It is only in ct sows, wen one interviewer my o only two or tree people in te course of n our or so, e pttern of silences nd puses returns to norml. I police other interrogtions, silence is often interpreted s n ission of guilt, especilly if it persists. I oter contexts, it be interpreted s syness, s will refsl to spe or s once of te nswer to question.
In pblic speaking, pases can be sed to great eect to wring either laghter or applase from an adience. n some ways, the effective pblic speaker ses the same kind of timing techniqes as the sccessfl comedian, waiting for applase or laghter to almost die ot before contining. Speakers at conferences will oen indicate that they expect applase by pasing. This is particlarly noticeable at a stagemanaged political conference. It is significant, however, that it is oen only high-stats members of the party who can make the techniqe work almost nfailingly. If yo can, tape yoself giving a speech or even simply engaging in conversation with someone else. In this way, yo can see how yo se silences and pases how long they typically are and whethe they occr in appopiate places. Yo may even be able to identif ways in which yo can improve yor se of silences and pases when commnicating with others.
Dovetiling in discssons A good deal of esearch has been carried ot by kinesicists (see Chapte 4) into how we synchronize or interaction with others Fro detiled fame-by-frame analysis of films of people talking to ech other researchers have discoveed tht we se ll of the spects of body langage we have discssed so fa to pace contol nd eglate o faceto-fce enconters with others. In particl we se eye contact head nods body ovements and gestres in a fa fo rndom fashion. Indeed synchronizing with others podces hythmic pattern which some believe is necessay for sccessfl commnication to tae plce at all. Willia Condon ws one American researche who spent many thosnds of hos in the nlysis of films. e discovered not only tht people move hythiclly when they re speaking bt also tht the istene moves in tie with this hythm Even when a listene ppes to be sitting pefectly still his eye-blins or the wy he pfs on his pipe synchonize with the wods he is listening to Mch of this hyth is not imeditely obvios to csl obseve bt becoes ppaent only when fil of convestion is nlyzed fe by fame. Adm Kendon, in a stdy of the pattern of eye contact between two people who were convesing in oder to get to know each other fond that there is a pattern of eye contact both at the beginning and the end of long speeches. As one person inishes
ht he is sying, he looks stedily t the othe, who immeditely oks wy nd begins sying wht he wnts to sy. Kendon nd tht if this did not hppen, thee ws oen pse befoe he othe peson begn to spek. It is thogh hyts s subtle these tht the whole pocess of intepersonl commniction eglted. If it beks down, s in comuniction with cetin ds of mentl ptient, convestion cn become impossible. edon lso fond tht, when someone begins to tlk, listener l show incesed synchony of body movements, pehps e exctly echoing the movements of the speke, showing t he is pying close ttention. Then he my settle bck nd w very little movement t ll ntil he sees tht the speke is ming to the end of wht he is sying, when he will gin begin move qite conspicously. This time, his movements will pt the others hythm bt will not mtch them. By moving in s wy, he is signalling tht he now wishes to spek. iteesting once gain to wtch people tlking on video, with e sond trned down, to see if yo cn detect ny of these very tle movements which help people to synchonize wht they re ying with wht othe people e sying The bette you can e nd synchonize you contributions to convestions nd cssions, the more successfuly you will be ble to communi e both nonverblly nd verblly.
eng a w n edgewa wish to beak into converson, it helps if you ae on of high status. We nconsciously defer to those we eive s highe in the socil or organiztionl hierchy thn selves. Howeve, even the hmblest of us will stand n esed chnce of being listened to if we se some behviours he thn others. chel gyle suggests there ae vaious signls which we can e to chieve this. If we wnt to say something, we can, of se, simply interupt. But there are subtler methods. peking tle loude than the genel level of convesation wil oten e ttention for long enogh to enable yo to begin mking point. Noral politeness will then enable you to lower the lme nd be lowed to finish it. It is important not to aise the me by much, howeve, becuse this may be seen by others s eg s ude s interrupting.
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g iple ed nods, especilly ccompnied by verbl sils lie yes', bt' or we', cn wor. Normlly, in steing, ed nods, s we ve seen in Cpter 3, re single or doble. e iple ed nod is ts interpreted by others s sing som other ttenon. It sows em, in fct, tt we wnt to spe oselves. To pevent someone interrpting yo, yo cn rise yor voice. Tis cts s deterrent, bt gin my be seen by oters s rdeness if te increse in volme is excessive. Yo cn indicte te sme ting little more sbtly by eeping nd in mid gestre t te ends of sentences. To sow tt yo re willing to let someone else te ove te speing role in converstion, or get word in edgewys temselves, yo ve severl coices. Yo cn simply come to te end of sentence nd pse. Yo cn finis by triling off or sying yo now'. Yo cn dwl te finl syllble. Yo cn end on prolonged rising or flling pitc. Yo cn come to te end of nd movement wic is ccompnying te speec. O yo cn simply loo stedily t e ote peson, s te resec by Kendon indicted. If, on te ote nd, yo re oered n opportnity to spe, bt wis to decline it for te moment, yo cn simply nod. Yo cn grnt or me ' noises. Yo cn reqest frter clrifiction of te point or yo cn simply estte wt s been sid, wic will encorge oters to proceed nd develop frter. By sing signls lie tese it is possible not only to increse yor effectiveness in converstions nd discssions wit oters bt lso to feel tt yo re getting more personl stisfction ot of tem. Synconiztion is stising, if yo lie.
Ho to se time eectively It will be sefl for yo to develop yo sill in nonverbl comniction by sing 12 tecniqes, drwn from cronemics, wic will elp yo bot to se time better wen commnicting nd to se it better in wole rnge of everydy ctivities. Te tecniqes cn be briefly described s follows: Inasd ow ats. ctivity (sy, eding) is timed nd ten on sbseqent occsions is speeded p sligtly ntil point is reced were it cnnot comfortbly be speeded p frter. Times (nd ence speeds) on eqivlent ctivities re recorded in noteboo.
Dealine An ctivity hs to be completed in progressively shorter times until further improvement cnnot be mde. Results re gin recorded. Flexible eoane aegie. A systemtic pproch to n ctivi is devised nd used. The self-trining pror me outled below is n exmple of exible performnce strtegy. 4 Aniao nning Before ts, or stge of ts, is completed, you or loo hed to the next nd pln how to cle it. s cn be seen in mny public contct occupons, such s line chec-n predures, where sled opertor glnces periodiclly down te line to be redy for nervous or wwrd customers before they ctuy rech the counter. Seleive eeion of ue This mens being ble to identi those cues, or ey fetures of siution, which re more importnt thn others. 6 Auae feebak This is obtined from the recordeeping referred to erlier nd helps you to void repetition of errors. Aequae inubaion eio. Some time hs to be set side o llow wht is lerned from using these echniques to mull over in the mind. S Allowane fo iaginaive an inuiive eone. When you just now' the best nd quicest wy to do something. 9 Ciial inien an leaning eio. Essentilly, this mens doing things when you re in the most productive frme of mind. iing an ynhonizaion Doing things t the most propitious moments nd moving smoothly from one ctivity o nother. Sliage an own ie. Hving ind of reserve bn' of ctivities for spe odd moments or for when unexpected delys occur. Ciial analyi of efoane You hve to study your records, nlyze nd evlute, nd see where rther improvements cn be mde. selftrining progrmme or flexible performnce strtegy ould typicly te this form: Select n ctivity. Time it nd ssess the qulity of the performnce. On subsequent occsions, use whichever of the 12 techniques re pproprite (you don't hve to use them ll every time be flexible) to chieve improved performnce. Record in noteboo l results, ssessments nd other rections. After, sy, two weeks, evlute the progress mde.
Decide whether it is worth your while to see further progress or whether to turn to nother ctivity to progress in. Using these technques should resut in greter efciency nd eectiveness nd the cretion of more time for yourself. Time cretion is, you will find, one of the most liberting of experiences.
Exercses and exerments Punculi is h polinss of princs o find out how th popl you mix with fl about punctuality ask thm what tim thy would actually arriv for t following appointmnts:
9.45 am A dinnr dat wit frinds fr 700 pm A pay timd to bgin � .00 pm A mting with your boss at 2.0 pm airlin flight schduld to dpa at 11.00 am Mting a frind for a drink in a pub at 7.0 pm An arly moing radio intiw to b roadcast l iv at 7.00 am A blind dat outsid a cinma at 715 pm A blind dat in a pub at 715 pm An intiw for a job you would rally lik to gt tim for 90
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2 ow do you spnd your i? ak a sht of A4 papr and d ivid it into rctangls so that you hav a spac for ac af-ho ur of th working day from Monday to riday or two sampl wks, rcord in ach spac th main activity you hav bn ngag in What propoion of you woking ay is spnt in fac-to-fac communication with otrs? An xampl of a typical days rcord is givn in igur
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ow ong is lphon cl? vr th nxt wk, t im v tlphon cal you mak or rciv and g thm in your notook. f you hav a watch or calculator with a ir or stopwatch facility, this should asy; if you hav not, t to i calls to th narst minut as accuratly as you can. What is th vrag lngth of call you mak? What is th avrag lngth of cal rs mak to you? Which ar longr on avrag? shoning s slightly, without in any way apparing rud to othrs. f you can iv it, what ar th nfits (in addtion to lowr tpon ills? u should find that calls can on shond apprcialy without vrsly afcting th quality of th communication wich taks c ou should also find that this is anothr il lustration of th nfit timing an activity. t maks you awar of wat is rally happnin can produc som surprising rsults
uing in n taking with frinds t using th tcniqus for cutting into vrsations outlind in tis chaptr. What ar t rsults? Do you urslf ing accordd a gratr shar of talking tim? Do you t xprinc rwarding? Hav you bn ab to idntif any cniqus for gaining accss to convrsations an discussions?
kig ogh tr pop talking itr aroun u r n tlvisin an k r xampls of failu r t sncroniz. xapls wou bt talking at onc for pa of th tim lng uncofoabl s somon not bing abl to gt a wor in dgwas.
n hd ar rading wrkig trug inr ing wit pp, r sing i bar tr loking a brify to t t k r a of a task. Do u ind it hpfu in raing r wat ?
5
this chapter
y will lea:
about the nonverbal aspects of speech what we say can be con sidebly aected by our use, deliberate or unonscious, of pauses, 'ers, us, changes in tone, pitch, pace and accent, to name but a few of the features that are more impoant than many people suppose.
sttstcs 362436 will b fmiir to mny popl, pcilly thos sxist ficiondos of th Miss W ord contst. figrs 553807 will b lss wl rcognizd, bt thy r hps of vn grtr dily significnc. Thy rfr to th oportions of th impct of mssg in fc-to-fc contr which r ccontd for by fcil xprssions, non l spcts of spch, nd spch itslf. In othr words, only of th impct is vrbl, th rmining 93% is non-vrbl. vrbl lmnt is mch lss significnt thn is commony pposd. is chptr, w shll b concrnd with th 38% which is ibtbl to non-vrbl spcts of spch nd with how tht s to th 7 vrb componnt. It is n r of stdy to ich th trm paalinisics hs bn pplid. non-vrbl spcts of spc incld mny lmnts. In ciding how to intrprt ths spcts, w t ccont of , ton, pitch, voic qlity (for xmp, whthr it is , brthy or rsonnt), rt of spking, ccnt nd strss. r lso fctd, s w shl s ltr in this chptr, by th r nd nmbr of spch rrors. infr mny things from th voic (ignoring words spon for momnt). W m jdgmnts bot g, sx, ttrctiv ss, socil clss nd dctionl bcgrond. W lso s voc rctristics in jdging occptions, in dciding whthr w iv or trst somon, nd in hlping to m or minds p ot whthr w li somon or not. Most of s will, for snc, t som tim or othr hv mt n ttrctiv strngr d bn qit drwn towrds hm, only to b totlly rplsd soon s thy opnd thir moths nd w hrd thir vocl rctristics. Exercise: trst me Using a tap rcorr, rcor yourslf ting to convinc ithr a rin or an imagina strangr that you ar to b trust You might prtn you ar ting to prsua somon that somthi ng you hav to sll is woh buying, that thy shou l suppo you as a caniat in a loca govrnmnt lction, or that you ar talking a otntial suici own from a lg f you can nlist th aici pation of anothr prson in this xrcis, so much th bttr.
ow o you th volum of your spaking, th ton, pitch, voic quality, th rat at which you spak, your accnt, an how o you
7
plac trss on th words you us? How dos your us of th various non-vrbal aspcts of sph intgrat with th vrbal aspcs or th words thmslvs? How succssful do you think you hav bn? f somon ls is working on th xrcis with you, you will b abl to obtain this kind of fdback from thm. f you ar working alon, you w ill hav to rly on your own bst judgmnt whn you play th tap back. By this stag in working through this book, if you hav bn doing th chaptr xrciss conscintiously, this should not b too diicult You should by now b noticing som imp rovmnts i n your snsitivity in using body languag.
Exercise reiew f you hav had rasonabl succss in conducting th xrcis you should hav noticd som of th following points:
n ordr to inspi tst, volum should b nithr too high nor too low. st is a rlationship in which two popl hav an ual us. t is a woway procss. t is v diicult to trust somn unlss you fl th thy also tst you. Loudns gives an imprssion of a wish to dominat, which will mi litat agains th cation of a lationship of mutual tt. A voic which is too so givs an impion of didnc or subm isivnss, again hindring th tablishmnt of a relionship in which both ar qual. Your ton of voic has to b nithr too harsh nor too smooth Harshnss grats upon th listnr and will tnd to rpl thm. oo much smoothnss can mak thm think ty ar having th wool pulld ovr thir ys and will mak thm suspiciou, th v antithsis of trusting. You will alo nd to sound rasonably confidnt. t is diicult to trust somon who dos not sound a if thy tust thmslv. You nd to avoid shrillnss in pitch. A voic pitchd fairly low o that it ha a oothing quality but not too soothing will b mor likly to b trusted. Voic quality which sounds nasal or brathlss is not likly to instil th kind of confidnc which wil l lad to trust. 5 A high spd of spaking wi ll tnd to prvnt th groh of tst. ast talks ar on prcivd as being ust that. n th Unitd Kingdom, popl tnd to rat thos with standard' accnts as mo tsohy and plausibl than thos who hav rgional accnts. sarch has shown, for instanc, that teach with what are noally rar as middleclass accnts rted by thir sudents as being br at teir subects, mor competent and mor to b relied upon than tos with wokingclass' accnts.
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You may hav noticd that placing a littl strss on positiv words and phrass rathr than on ngativ ons hlps owvr, too uch us of strss will hav th sam ct as too much volum and will communicat an imprssion of dominanc or at last a ish to doinat
pon g wat s sa dy language in general can be used to support and give phasis to what is said. The nonverbal aspects of speech, wever, have a particularly portant role in this regard. phasis can be given to important words and phases, as we e just seen, by increasing the volume and by placing stress on m. Emphasis can be achieved by repetition of the words with a ilar but slightly stronger repetition of e vocal characteristics d. If the rae of speech is suddenly raised or lowered, this too hae an mphasizing effect. The important point to remember h all echnques t achive emphasis in commication is tha more ofen they are sed the ess efec they have. To hasize you have o b slective. Imagine a piec f writing in ch every sentenc had an xclamation mark at he end of i. much emphasis eads o n emphasis at a. verba aspects of spech can be used to spprt the emotion g xpressed. Sadness is usally characterized by low volume, n on, der vc qality than nr, slw sped f king and a reatvy niform strss pn the words. ness and elation, on th her hand, ar characterized by r vume, sharper tone, a breathless voic qaliy, a high d of spaking and mor noicable sress n key words and ass. tatin in spch is indiad by some f he leen a as by such hngs as had nds, gstures and breakng y tac. Pich saly fals a he ds f sentce, xcp ih sins, where it riss. hr are sualy pass bewee ncs. Pases can as ccr befre and ar prticular ds and phras hich peakr wsh phasize. yn wh i sr her t ac fl os hen ing can hp hm me x y readng ad ha hey ha rin se where the markd drps r rses ih, folwed by shr pass, ccr. Ths wil normally b here he ends of sntencs are.
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Seec error Most people find it extremely difcult, even when reading from a prepared text, to read without speech errors. As we shall see in Chapter 13, an increased error rate can be an indication of telling ies or trying to deceive in some other way. These errors can take the form of simpe mispronunciations of words, such as saying dissidence' instead of diidence'. Stuttering or stammering which is not a norma part of a person's way of speaking will be interpreted as nervousness or deception. Using u', er' and ah' or similar noises enables the speaker to pause for thought without faling silent and thus appearing to have dried up. Ofen, however, it is beter to train yourself not to make such noises as silences are more oen interpreted as drying up by speakers than they are by listeners. Errors may also take the form of corrected sentences, unnished sentences, coughs, omissions and other variations from the norm.
Cotdictg ht id Errors in speech and other aspects of body language tend to produce situations in which what is said conflicts with what the body is doing. A person may be speaking pleasantly to another but their body language and especially tone of voice may be frosty. A person might tel his friends that he is not attracted by an attractive woman and yet be unable to resis freqent long ooks in her direction. You might say to someone that you are very interested in what they are saying and yet be unable to maintain eye conact and may frequently look away at other people. You may say to someone I'll murder you' or I hate you' and yet may be smiling as you say it. In al such cases, it is the body anguage which wil be believed. This makes it even more iportant that you should be able to examine your own use of body language critically . You are clearly serving no usel prpose if your body language is contra dicting your words at every turn. The situation is immeasuraby worse if you are unaware of it.
olitcl body lgge One of the advantages of living in a democracy is that politicians are freely reported by the news media Their equent appearances on television are of most interest to the student of
dy lnguge, since it is here tht they cn be most conveniently died. Like footbll mtches, politicins re best wtched on The The use of closeups, closeu ps, the bility bility to use videotp videotpee recordings wtch piece of behviour over nd over gin, nd nbly closetnture colour system ll help t prvide n ndnce of informtion. en sitting, politicins tend to dpt forwrd len. This dctes desire to cooperte with the listener in discussion. y ften use more eye contct when they re speking thn is ml ml not only only to mke them them pper domin dominnt nt but ls t hem better chnce of contrlling or regulting the rctin between themselves nd their interviewers. They lso hve the lst word in interviews becuse they relize not y the verbl effec f chieving this but lso the nonverbl c. We tend to believe tht the lst word n subject should llwed to the person of highest sttus presen. n they re stnding, pliticins use gestures so exggerted he hm Victrin cor t hm. Demggues will he ir wildly s they rnt nd rve. They will thump the e, pint ccusingly, rise their rms in ppels to the mighty nd puse drmticlly er prticulrly felicitous re fr ppluse. Even quite mild politicins seem t chnge nlity once they re on the the rostrum. It is like the the pedestrin, pedestr in, d nd cnsiderte, wh becomes the rd hog nce he or she behid the wheel f cr. cins tke gret pins t concel their ttempts to deceive le. They hve to deceive people, not becuse they re dmentlly less honest thn the rest f us, but becue they present policies policies suficiently suficiently diferent diferent from those of their nents to commnd our support. They knw tht, once in ice, they will not be ble t crry ut thse plicies withot dfictins which mke their polcies similr t those of their nents. In other words, in governing the mdern stte, the ins vilble to government re limited. Hence, he liticin wh clims t be going to d thing diferently hs dibility gp to overcome. It is gp which few cross ccessfully. Those who do mke sre tht they control the wer prts of their bodies, which is where the telltle signls ill be given. It is not for nothing tht the public speking liticin frequently hides behind lectern stnd or, when eted, uses tble drpe to concel concel the givewy givewy res.
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Politicians seek to be trusted They will maintain eye contact with a frank look. They will have a firm, warm handshake. They will nod frequently when listening, as if anxious to know the finest detail of your problem hey will place a protective arm around your your shoulder and you you will be outside the the dor before before you realize its purpose was to steer you out to make way for the next supplicant. Above all, they will smile. The major political parties train their principal spokesmen and women in how to deal with the media and how to present a favourable image both of themselves and of the party. This image is established and maintained almost entirely non verbally After all, the words of the policies and the speeches exist already and if they were inadequate no amount of image manipulation in the world would help Politicians have been know to change their clothing, to change their hair styles, to sen the tone of their voices and to alter their posture and gesture pattern in the quest for a better image the U there are even differences betee the arties The typical Cnservative male wears a dark suit, shirt and tie, has a smart hairstyle and polished shoes. His skin is smooth and he has the air of eing well fed His accent is middle-class and the tone confident confident and assured assur ed His gestures gestures are restrained restrained and his posture either upright or casually asymmetrical The Conservative female is similarly conventionally dressed and well groomed Her voice, aner ad ehaviour match the male's perfectly The Labour male, on the other hand, has less of an interest in apearace His vice may may contain contain any one one of a myriad myriad of accents om upper upper crust to working class Posture is more hunched and gestures made with less thought for their eect. They tend to stand closer than their Coservative counterparts and they use the head cock of interest more The Labour female is more likely than a Conservative t ear casual cthes. Her hairsyle may nt e quite as smooth, ut more natural Gestures ill be more like the man, as hse equal she rightly regards herself, and she makes a great deal f use of the head d and the head cock. The ody anguage of mirity grups and of demonstrators at such events as peace marches repays carel servation At the other end of the political activity range is the body language of the statesman his is characterized by low peripheral movement, restraint in upper body gestres, upright postures, restraed head movements, slight smles public and a measured, even pace of speech. Observe television reports of meetings beeen heads of
and of h Unid Naion and you will how ofen hi rn royp cur. Th body langug of inrnaional mn i bcoming a ndard a h rvic nd facilii rnionl hol. fac, oliicl body langug ovr h ld i ng a mn which which i dicourgg dicourgg rhr han fl On of h roblm of homogni i ha i end o lad o o o o aum aum ha hy ar all uing ui ng h m maning of a word gu, whn hi may no b h c. A la dirnc n ol r prrvd, om cr i akn no o aum ha cion mn on hing whn i migh man omhing l
Lg nd te word ags wit yo oub ha ha occaionally occaionally ben xprd xprd a a o whh whhr r a laugh i a c of nonvrbal bhaviour or whehr i i clo nough o ing word (a ohr xclamaion ofn ar) o b conidrd o rbl W hall rgard i for our purpo hr a nonvrbal. ghr ualy follow o ro, or my accompny, mil d grin. I can b graded from h qui chuckl or ligh iggl o h mo raucou of bly laugh. Laughr i alo fciou. When one peron in a company ar laughing, i i ry difficul for he oher o avoid following ui. And wy ould hy? For laughr lif h piri. nc w ar concrned here wih �inding way of improving our of body language i i worh conidring h laugh a an aid o hi nd. You hould, were you raonably can, encourag ughr. If you have he faciliy o mak people laugh, ue i; if ou hav no, a lea ncourage ho who have. A long a hr i an mphai on laughing wi, raher han a, he reul hould b nirely poiiv and bneficial. All you have o avoid n inan, poinle cackle. Frindly, convivial laughr hould o be oo difficul o find.
Exercses nd exements r, h, Slct on or two pic speke spekes, s, lcturers lcturers or spke spkers rs on tevson Rcord t nmr nd typs o speec rrors ty mke Wc is t on tt c s most pron to mk? Yo sod suly nd tt ry ve spker s vorte spec rror r' s y r t most common
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2 P po iic bodcs Watch svral pay political broadcasts on tlvision and s if you can idnti th favourit facial xprssion body ovnt postur and so on of ach politician. Copil a list o typical non-vrbal bhaviours associatd with ach pay. Copar and contrast th . Which pais ar ost siilar to ach othr in stys? Which ar th fuhst apa? s it possibl to tl what a prsons political o pin ions ar iky to b fro thir body anguag?
3 Kp s Using a tap rcordr and standing in front o a irror rcord a sho talk on a subjct you know w . to ak th talk without any body anguag at all. s it possib l? it is is it asy? You ay v wll find this xrcis viually i possibl to car out
h's c fo you bs pop tlphoning. How clos is thir body languag to what it would b if thy wr convrsing fac to fac? Which kinds of body anguag can b counicatd by tlphon and which cannot? Ar any non-vrbal bhaviours or xaggratd whn tlphoning than in fac-to-fac ncountrs? Do any nvr occur?
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In this chapter
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u uu s us u s uusu u s
dy language, as you shud be aware by now, is complex ugh when you are daling with people om your wn ture, but when you encunter those from other cultures it cmes fraught with dificulties. Things can so very easily go intentionally wrong that we shall find it usefu to consider e f the principal dificulties and some of the ways in which y can be avoidd. dward Hall tells of instances in which inappropriate nnverbal haviour, coupled with general cultural insensitivity, can cause r cmunication and can even cause cmmunication to ak down altogether. One exmple describes sme negtiatis tween American and Greek fficals, which had reached alemate. Later examination revealed that the American habit f ing outspoken and forthright was regarded by the Greeks as dicating a lack of finesse, which made the reluctant to tiate. Further, the Americans wanted to limit the length of etings and to reach agreement on general principles first, aving the details to be sorted out by subcommittees. This the reeks saw as a device to pull the wool over their eyes, since the reek practice is to work out details in ont of all concerned and continue meetings for as long as necessary. nother example concerns the use of time. American attach w to a Latin country tried to arrange a meeting with the minister h was his opposite number. A kinds of cues came back that e time was not yet ripe for such a meeting. The American rsisted and was eventually reluctantly granted an appointment. hen he arrived, he was asked to wait in an outer fce. The time the appointment came and went. Aer 15 minutes, he asked the inisters secretary to make sure the minister knew he was aiting. Time passed. Twenty minutes, 25 minutes, 30 minutes, nutes. At this oint, he umped u and told the secretary he d been cooling his heels for long enough and that he was daed sick and ted of tis kind of treatment. His stay in the untry was not a apy one. He had forgotten that a 45minute aiting time in tat country was no greater than a five minute aiting te in America. ffective crosscultural communication is so important in the dern world tat breakdowns like these need to be studied for he lessons they can teach us. Tey also make it increasingly portant that eoe who live and work in countries oter than heir own shoul be given training in te local boy languages as ell as the local soken language.
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Exercise: Back and White body langage Slct iv Blck mn nd iv Blck womn to obs Also slct iv Whit mn nd iv Whit womn. yo cnnot ind thi s nm br, condct th obstion with s mny s yo cn ind yo liv in n r which is not mltircil slct yor sbjcts or obstion rom tlvision progrmms. Rcord in yor notbook or on tp cothing sys inclding colors ormlity o clothing pttrns nd so on. Rcord s mch dtil yo cn bot y contct pttrns ci xprssions, gstrs, proxim ity nd bodily contct.
a
Whn yo hv collctd s ch inormtion s yo rsonbly cn, nlyz it Wht sm to b th min dirncs btwn Blcks nd Whits in th s o body lngg? Wht r th similritis? Wht dirncs r thr btwn th sxs?
Exercise reiew t is qit possibl tht yo will hv collctd ric mont o dt which will rpy crul nlysis nd tll yo mny things bot how dirnt rcs nd dirnt cltrs intrct Som o th thi ngs yo my hv noticd r
Whits typiclly spnd bot hl th tim in y contct nd hl th tim looking wy; Blcks tnd not to look t th othr pson whn listning h cil xpssions o Blck popl r lss rstrind thn thos o Whits Blck popl s mor plmsupwrd hnd movmnts thn Whits. A limp stnc nd lowrd hd indict sbmissivnss whn sd by Whit popl; whn sd by Blcks this indicts tht th individl hs switchd o nd is not nding to th spkr 5 Whit popl o not touch ch other xcpt in grtings; Blcks do mor toching spcily o rms nd sholdrs during convrstion Blck popl choos mor vivid colours nd strongr prns or thir clothing thn Whits.
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Cltral rnc Tere is still a great deal of researc needed into te precise nature of te differences in te ways various peoples around te world use body language. So far, most of te research attention
s to have focused on the ricans, the Japanese, the rabs d to a lesser extent, certain contries of Erope. Nevertheless, interesting findings have been made. rsarch into the use of eye contact, for instance, it has been rved that Greeks look at ach other ore in public places, h at those they are convrsing with and at othr people. In , they fel quite upset if other people do not show an equa osity in them and fee they are being ignored. On the other d Swedes have been found to look at each other ess ofen n other Europeans, but they ook for longer. rabs are very ndnt on eye contact whe conversing. Thy ook at each hr when listening and when taking. They find it vry dificult interact successully with soeone who is wearing dark ss and whose eyes cannot therefore be seen. Th Japanese k t other people very lttle and tnd to focus thir eys on the r person's neck when conversing. ricans and the British tend to be relatively restrained in their xprssions. Italians howvr, tnd to b ch ore ile. The Japanese keep a very straight face in pubic and use faint sile in private. They ake ore use of siles in ings and business and foral eetings than Europeans. far as gestures are concerned probably rabs and Indians v the richest vocabularies. The Japanese have formal gestures sch actions as summoning others to them. They extend the palm downwards and flutter the fingers. To suggest that eone is a iar they lick a forefinger and stroke an eyebrow. ber of European gestures have already been discussed in pter 4. contrast in posture can be seen when comparing the habit rabs in squatting cross-legged with the Japanese bow. wing occurs in greetings and farewells, and persons of lower tus bow lower than those of high status. Germans ofen tend ave a more upright posture than people from Latin countries. ians stand closer to other people when conversing; Germans nd further apart; rabs stand closer and at a more direct l. It is not uncommon at international conferences to see ericans and Europeans retreating before rab advances as h tries to get to the preferred distance from other people. I n, position is oten as important as proximity and you will raditional families walking in public with the father in front, n the wife, and the chidren at the back.
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Latins use touching behaviour more than other races, though Arabs touch a great deal and men will equently hold hands, something which causes amusement to Europeans. Arab females are not touched at all in public. Japanese touch each other very little in public, though they have a tradition of bathing together without there necessarily being a sexual connotation to the activity. In appearance, some races have quite stict rules. Arab women must be so well covered by clothes that only their eyes are showing. Even Arab men will generally be well covered by clothing. In Japan, uniforms abound. Schoolchildren and students have a uniform of white shirt and black jacket and trousers (or skirt, in the case of girls). Lifgirls in big department stores wea uniforms and white gloves. White gloves are also worn by chaueurs and private hire taxidrivers . Amongst various other nonverbal behaviours which have been observed is the fact that tone of voice is paticularly important to Arabs. They also make a lot of use of smell and even breathe on each othe when conversing, an activity which Euopeans find disturbing. Emotions can be recognized from tone of voice across cultures. That is, even if people do not understand the language, they can tell the emotional state of the speaker.
Non-vrba nvra There ae other universally understood examples of body language we have already encountered some in Chapter 2, for instance. Ekman and Friesen found that people of 13 different cultures were able to distinguish accurately between the non verbal expressions of joy, surprise, fear, anger, sadness and disgust. There are cultures all around the world in which people smile when they are happy and scowl when they are angry. Michael Argyle identied seven elements which commonly occur in greetings: close proximity with a direct orientation the eyebrow flash smilin eye contact bodily contact, even in most otherwise noncontact cultures the presenting of the palm of the hand, either to shake or simply to be seen a head toss or a head nod in the form of a bow.
egotatng tyle rard Nierenberg and Henry Caero have made an extensiv dy of body language in negotiations, having recorded 2500 otiations for analysis. Thy ote the importance of proximity n trying to negotiate a sa. Pope wi td to buy mor m someone cose to them than from someone who remains at distance; hence, many saesmn carry literature and visa aids h them so that they can approach close to th prospective r. If the buyer reacts by foding his arms or with some other ensive gesture, the saesma moves away unti th buyr's haviour reaxes and bcoms ss dfensiv. aling a willingness to cooperat in a negotiatin situation achieved in a numr of ways. Sitting forward o a chair communicate both interst ad a dsire to aree with others . ttoning the jacket can signa an opening up to other peope. an aso show interest i what someon els is saying. Th d cock shows interest, as we have sen, so this can aso b d o communicat cooprativ itent. ing see Figure 11.1) is common in negtiations, espciay the prospective buyer is cosidering what is being offered. a aso b seen in other situations when someon wishs o a confidnce and high stats. But it can, in fact, show siveness and weakness.
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rumming with the fingers and tapping with the feet are behaviours to watch closely in negotiations, as they tend to show boredom or impatience. These negative reactions can preudice the success of negotiations so some action needs to be taken to remedy them. This may involve getting the drummer or tapper to speak (most peope do not drum or tap when talking). oodling may simply show that a person needs something else to do as well as isten. More equently it signals boredom or at the very least a waning of interest. Something should be done to involve the doodler in discussion. Forward lean, head cock, smiling, open gestures and postures are most appropriate for those who wish to seem willing to cooperate in negotiations. If the bargaining is to be hard and nothing is to be given away, then doodling, backward lean, frowning and closed gestures and postures should communicate unwillingness to others.
siness as sal As we have seen, awareness of the passage of time varies across cultures. Waiting for appointments can be expected not only in Latin countries but also in he Middle East, as Robert Moran points out. In the Middle East, persons of senior rank and status should be recognized first. Arabs like expressiveness and periodic displays of emotion. Groupstyle business meetings with several things happening at once are typical. You should sit as near as possible to the person you would like to do business with and should talk about the matters which concern you amongst whatever other conversation is going on. In the USA, the obsession with time and schedules means that punctuality and efficiency are important. Competitiveness is encouraged. Americans are gregarious at first meeting and are not too interested in differences in status. A brisk, businesslike approach is preferred. Africans like to get to know someone before getting down to business and the general chat at the beginnings of business meetings can go on for some time. Time is exible and people who appear to be in a hurry are mistrusted. Lateness is a normal part of life. Respect is expected to be shown to older people.
Ca, eole do not e to be singled out as unique and prefer eated as art of a team Women ofen cuy imortant posts d exet to be treated as equals Toasts are an imortant part of siness dinners and you should reare an aropriate one in ane oinens should also be arranged in advance Long ding relationships are ghly valued and are worth taking me sablish Personal contact is referred to letters and telephone s Several negoatg sessions normally be required, as the ese are another eole who do not le to rush thgs sing body language in artiular business situations, there ifalls to be avoided Robert Moran illustrates this by amai examles If you wish to summon a waiter at a business h in Western counries, a ommon way is to hold a hand u h the index finger extended In sia, however, this is the way would all a dog or some other animal In rab countries, wing he soles of your feet is an insult and an rab may also st someone by holding a hand in front of the erson's face he S, you can signal that everything is all right by forming rle wih the thumb and index inger and sreading out the of the ingers But you should remember that in apan the e gesture means money and in Brazil it is an insult oen at children on the head as a sign of affection, but in ami ountries the head is regarded as the seat of mental and ritual owers ccordingly, it should not be touched sratch our heads when we are puzzled In apan, the same on is interreted as showing anger I most parts of the rd, shaking the head means No', but with rabs and in parts reee, Yugoslavia, Bulgaria and Turkey a more usual way is oss the head to one side, perhaps clicking the tongue as wel aan, a erson may move his right hand backwards and ards to counicate a resal or disagreement On the er hand, agreement is shown in ica by holding an open m uright and smacking it with a closed st abs will show reeent by extending clasped hands with the index fingers nting towards the other person one who has to do business overseas should do a little search before going, to nd out what main nonverbal pitfalls ed to be avoided t may make the difference between getting order or not n a highly competitive world, the businessan o fails to appreciate the power of body anguage in business exts will nd himsef paying a high price
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Wat to do we yo can't seak te agage Wheher you are abroad on business or on hoiday, finding ou abou he body anguage of he peope you wi be meeing is a sensibe precauion. Bu here are one or wo oher hings you can do o minimize he risk of causing ofence and maximize he chances of having a peasan and roube-free say. You shoud use body anguage ha has universa, or near universal, currency as much as possibe. Smies, eyebrow flashes, head cocks, presening he pam of he righ hand in greeng shoud al hep o ease you hrough he iniia phases of encouners o the poin where you can use oher descripive gesures o indicate wha you wan or wha you wish o e he oher person. Generaly speaking, a friendy expression, an avoidance of aggressive movemens and an awareness of the mos obvous body language dangers wi hep o smooh over awkwardness and embarrassment. If his is suppored by some atemp a leas o learn key words and phrases fom he spoken anguage, here will be fewer difficulies. I is oen surprising how deighed peope will be and how warmly hey will respond if you have made some effort to communicae wih them on heir own terms. They will oen be more wiling to come forward and mee you half way. Even hose who live in quie formal cultures, like he apanese, respond very favourably when appropriae body language is matched wih a few haling words.
xerc and exermnts Forign films W e w e ls, peel wee es e le ek, r tpe, e ses e w e sl, tete w w e e ( , t s tve f te expl) k pll t e se f ee , e s, ese, pse, s Lse e ve, spee es, spee spek, p s wt fls , s, e, Ge, ss, , e Es t e vee eet es
i your ow wy c an vday ngoiaion sch as dciding wha h famiy wi c on vision or sking prmission for im of work. On h occasion ry o g yor own way by sing ngaiv, closd rs and posrs. On h nx posiiv opn gsrs and rs. Whic way is or sccssf?
Busiss bod y u bsinss pop aking in a pblic pac sc as a ho y or airpo ong Wha ar hir mos frqny-sd non ba bhaviors? Do y dir in any way from mmbrs of ra pbic? Considr aparanc and physiq iming and cronizaion and proxiiy and orinaion as wl as ohr cs of body angag
' sr hr ysf a grop o frinds wo ar wi ing o paici pa in h xrcis a if yo wr a orign r wo dos no spak h angag. How ors rac o yo? Wa ar h mos sf ors of body ag? Ar any siaions impossibl o da wih?
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the role of body language in occupations such as nuing teaching televsion inteewng business other s of ctact wth the public.
hav now considrd all of the main aspects of body guag and how it is usd in our encounters with othrs W al turn our attention at this point to xamin a littl mr ly som of th practical applications of his knowldg for rving our us of body languag in spcific contxts W gn, in this chaptr, by xamining how it can b usd more ffctvely whn w ar at work Th chaprs that follow will nsidr its us in vryday ncounters, in prsonal attraction d dvloping bttr rlationships with othrs, and in ntributing to personal growth and slfdvlopmnt kinds of occupation in which body languag is mot orant ar thos in which hr s factofac communication th mmbrs of th public In ths public contact' occupations can also, for th sak of convninc, includ uch activitis as rsing, tlvsion intrviewing, all forms of businss activity, d aching f all the possibl aspcts of h us of body languag at work hch could b consdrd, w shall also xamin its us in tngs, in indicating atttuds to workmats, n ndustrial atons, in motvating othr and in th building up of work But first, as usual, lt us bgn with an xrcis xercise: anticipato scanning tecniqes hav alrady ncountrd anticipato scanning in Chaptr Hr w will dvlop our undrstanding and us o it a littl uhr h nxt tim you ar in a public plac whr popl ar bing d or attndd to i n som way in squnc (or xampl a bar, catria, airlin chck-in dsk or suprmarkt chck-out, study th popl who ar working thr Look or xampls o nticipato scanning (looking ahad to th nxt prson or prsons t b dalt with whil still anding to th prson at th had o th uu
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o thos who us anticipato scanning tchniqus sm to b btr at thir jobs than thos who do not? cord in your notbook or on tap th orms th anticipato scanning taks and th situations in which it most rquntly occurs What o th opl who do n ot us it at al? How dos its absnc act thir work? What ls do you notic about th us o anticipato canning in public contact situations?
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Exercise reiew You will robably hav noticd that it is thos who us aniciato scanning chniqus who ar bst at thir jobs. n som way th snits o inormation about ol yt to b atndd o which hy obain rom ths bri ooks aad nabl hm o chang hir attitud and bhaviou r o it h nds o th individual customr n bars i can nabl bar sta to s mor than on rson at onc hy can b waiing or th mony rom somon who has jus rcivd a drink b raring th drink or h nxt rson taking an ordr rom h nxt rson and idntiing th rson who wil b sd ar ha At airin chck-ins whr thr is a quu thos who us anticiao cannin g chni qus wi l as hy ar atnding o on rson mak riodic bri glancs down th in hy wil b looking aicularly or nous travllrs who may nd a sm il o rassuranc and or hos who ar impaint at having o quu and who wi nd o b ratd with additional tac Wa you shoud now do i your own job involvs ubic contac wih a squnc o ol is o t to dvlo aniciao scanning chniqus or yoursl You should ind that it not only incrass your sonal civnss bu also imrovs your sns o job saisaction
Occptonl ody lngge Nrsing is an occpation in wic body angag is important bcas t pop nrss da wit, in addiion to ing nwl, may b apprnsi abot an opration or abot tir cancs of rcory, or may b worrying abot wtr ryting is a rigt at om, and so on. Ty will b in particar nd of comfort and rassranc. Efcti body angag for nrss wi incd incrasd s of y contact, smiing and otr positi facial xprssions, ad nods wn istning, opn gsrs, frward an in postr, cos proximity and dirct orintation, incrasd s of bodiy contact of a spporti natr (and oding, arm rond sodr, igt gging, and t ik), natnss in apparanc, attntion o syncronization wn taking to patints, and t s of ncoraging ocaizations ( mmmm', mm', o'). Tision intriwrs nd to s mor y contact tan arag bcas of tir ro as istnrs ratr tan takrs. Facial xprssions sod concntrat on sowing intrst and ty sod mak ibra s of ad nods for t sam rason. T ad cock wil aso b sfl. Gstrs sod b kpt to a
as ths ay distract th itrviw. Pstr ay s hr frward lan r asytrical laning back accrdg to hhr th dnant rqrnt s t shw ntrst r p rvs itrviw at as by akng h sting r axg Prxy hld b dctatd by wha th trviw ars t fl cfortabl wih yt ppl ar fn frcd sr tgthr than ral bcas f cara rqirnts. drct rntatn s ths prfrabl thgh dirctrs s rfr a 0 rintatin. Thr is rally n bdy ctact and s ppl wh appar tlvisio s t wan thir pparanc t b as sart as pssibl. This is prbably bcas hr pblic ag will b gratly affctd by hw th viwing dnc which ay r t llns racts t th. Attntion synchrnization will b prant and nn-vrbal aspcts f ch will b sd t kp h talk gong fr as long as whatvr has bn allwd which s sally nadqat fr th rpr discssin f a tpic. On th thr hand ntrviwrs wh wsh t nsttl an rviw will dny y contact b frsty-facd giv n had ds gstr freqntly vn whn th intrviw is spaking dpt an vrrigid r vr-rlaxd pstr and a dirct r rnd-away rintatin. Thy will als intrrpt frqntly wth a nw qstion bfr th prvis n has bn answrd. Th sa is tre f so b intrviwrs. Bsinss popl ned a diffrnt kind f bdy langag. Ey cntact nds t be doinant rather than sbssiv. Facial xprssions will tnd t b ntral thgh thr will b sils n grting and parting. Had vents wll als tend to b straned with had nods and had cocking bing sbtler than n st her cntxts. A rasn for this is that in any tations bsinessn and won have t kp thir cards cls thr chests. Body langage can so asly giv things away so t is ncessary for th t try t control it as c as pssible. On f te ost important lssons the bsinss cmmnicator ds to larn is to adapt his or hr s of body langage to that of th people with wo bsinss is being don. What was said n th last chapter abot difrencs according to cltre sold b f particlar interest. Othr occpations ave teir spcial rqirents. Receptionists d pleasant facia xprssions plenty of eye contact and a greater attention tan sal o appearance. op assistants ned t appearsmart bt not ncessarily stylis and tey aso need
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to use smiles, an uprigt posture and, if tey are dealing wit sequences of people, anticipatory scanning tecniques Salesmen need to use plenty of eye contact, ead nods and ead cocks wen customers are indicating teir needs, and close proximity and bodily contact were tis can be acieved witout awkwardness and embarrassment Tey also need to present a smart and conventional appearance Being a pop star is not normaly regarded as an occupation, yet pop stars often work a lot arder tan te rest of us Wat looks like pleasure to us can frequenty be quite arduous It's not all tinsel and glitter in sow business! Teir body language contains prolonged eye contact wit te audience, often done in a deliberately flirtatious manner Facial expressions, bot on and of stage, tend to be exaggerated Smiles are broader and scowls more fearsome Head movements also become more obvious and dramatic ppearance is usually unconventiona and may even be bizarre in the extreme, wit eightened makeup (even on men) and outrageous airstyles Tese changes in appearance ten lter down into society itself Life imitates art One occupation in wic mastery of body language is especially important, not least because of its influence over te young and teir development, is teacing Teachers can use body language to often devastating effect On te basis of te researc into non verbal communication, a profile of efective teacer nonverba beaviour can be offered In genera terms, teacers sould be friendly, warm and rewarding Tey sould be able to make contact wit almembers of a group of students Tey sould be confident, well organied and emotionally stable ttentiveness to student responses and contributions is important, as is avoiding appearing to ridicule or be sarcastic, ostile, angry or arrogant Like many oters, teacers need to be aware of cultural dierences in te use of body language Tis kind of beaviour can be promoted nonverbally if teacers are aware of restrictions on bodily contact, if tey are generally sensitive to students' nonverbal indications of appropriate proximity and respect teir personal space Tey soud use a relatively uprigt posture to indicate their dominant role in classroom interaction, but use forward lean to sow attentive ness Tey soud adj ust teir orientation to suit te competitive or cooperative nature of particular tasks in class Expressive gestures sould be used to support wat is said, as well as ead nods to reinforce, reward and encourage oters to speak
iles elp to provide reassurance and indicate liking and proval, as well as sowing willingness to interact All facial xressions sould elp to present an appropriate selfimage and bta positive responses om oters A ig level of eye tact will usually be fittig, toug it sould be reduced f udents exibit signs of discomfort It will mainly be used to btain and provide feedback during classroom interaction Stress, e, pitc, volume, rate of speec and timing f utterances will l be varied to suit te situation Speec errors and esitations huld be reduced as far as possible and pauses sould be used to ta students' attention, for epasis and to encurage student trbuts Appearace ca be ortat determing heter students accord credibility to wat a teacer says and hus needs to be taken int accunt Formal dress may not be cessary, but an overcasual style will tend to reduce student atings of academic competence Teacers may argue tat ow ey dress in no way afects teir ability Tis may be true, but te dence sows tat students are influenced by tis factor in ing their opinions abut w are god teachers ad wo are t Teacers wo prize teir stadg wit ter students cannot ffrd to ignore it
The eectve e of metng dy laguage can be used meetigs to dicate a wis t eak by leaning forward or by rasing a idex finger We akig, ye cntact wit te cairman ca elp to keep te r' Were ts is assured, eye contact wit ter members of h eeting in sequence will ep to retan attet ad provide edback o w te ints that are beig made are being ced Facial expressons wll ndicate attitudes to te topic, ay als be varied in order to lend expressveess to wat is g sad The same may be sad f gestures, tough tere is re scpe for expressiveess wen standing tan wen sittig dwn Senstvity to timing and syncronization will enable ene w wises to speak to cut in just as te previous eaker is finising, wtout interrupting, but just aead of thers wo may be trying to get in s wrt studying meetings to see te individuals wo succeed ost frequently in getting te oor and ow tey do it If tey d not use ig volume or interruptions, it is usually because eir timing is just ractionally sarper tan tat of teir colleagues
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Te one person wo needs effective use of body anguage most is te cairman. Nonverbaly, e or se can acieve many tings. He can prevent someone from speaking if e wises simpy by denying eye contact and looking at oters to sow it is teir trn to speak. His facial expressions can sow approva or disapprova of wat is being said and tus ep to control te direction te meeting takes. Oen, speakers wil esitate before speaking against te wises of someone wo as been accorded ig status by being paced in te cair. Te cairman can use ead nods to encourage someone to keep on speaking or can deny tem to deter tem from continuing. He or se can gesture to keep peope quiet or to get tem to speak or can trn away from tose wo are saying tings e does not agree wit. So muc for te impartiaity of te cair. In fact, because of te infuence of non-verba factors te neutral cair is virtualy a myt. Weter te cairman wants to or not, e or se is amost bound to give teir true feeings away, uness nsay skiled in te use of body anguage. Carefu se of body anguage can, ten, save a ot of eort in trying to e eard. It is surprising ow oen a cairman will trn to someone and actay invite tem to speak if teir facial expression for exampe, shos tat tey disagree strongy wit wat is being said. Being invited is always better tan gate crashing.
Aitudes to wormtes By our se of al te aspects of ody anguage, we revea to tose we work wit our feeings about, and our attitdes towards, tem. Denia of eye contact, a frosty face, a turnedaway orientation, al betray a negative attitude. Freqent smiling and agter oen estres reaxed postres cose proximity and orientations ic deter intrders to te grop bodiy contact and saring speaking tie al caracterize a ork group in wic eeryody ets on e Groups in wic the pattern of interaction is ike te second exampe i tend to be more eective tan tose in wic it is ike te first. t does not aays foow, of corse, tat a appy grop is a productive grop. It may simpy be a appy group. But, peraps fortunatey, it tends to be te case . Work woud be a retced aair indeed if te most eective groups were te most miserabe ones.
The of nstrl reltons he contex of British indusria raions, BL often stood for iish Leyand and became associaed in he popuar mind wih or ndusria reations and breakdowns n communicaion. ere, however, BL simpy sands for body anguage. I has a reaer bearing upon the reaionships beween managemen and rkers han many peope may be prepared o admit. ce good dustria reations depend upon success negotiaions, meeings and give and ake on both sides, the kd of body anguage which wil be hepf wil incude increased eye contact, ecause s wil hep peope o ike each other beter (or a leas dslike each oher a itte ess). Friendy facia expressions and smies hod hep, hough head nods and head cocks when stening may e ess ikey o be regarded as insincere. Gestures need to be rather mited, hough there is a roe for ess inhibiion when expressing moions wh which everybody present can be eeced to agree. orward ean in posture, with some asymmetry to make the uaion ess forma, hep, as for the same reason, rather coser proxity, modied perhaps with indect orienaion. Bodiy onact appropriate to indusia relations probaby extends no her than the handshake when agreement has been reached and, n greetings and farewels, the occasional sap on the back and he eassuring hand on the back of he upper arm.
Motvtng ts Body anguage to motivate wil include, aga, increased eye contact, positive facia expressions, head nods and head cocks when listening to others probems or point of view on work reated matters Open gestures, foard postures, coser proity, direct orientation, appropriate bodiy contact and supportive ocaizations will all hep to create the kid of cate which people are likely to eel motivated. Appearance is probaby a minor maer here, but tig and synchronization can become very mporant people are to fee motivated, they must fee that they can contribute to discussions and meetgs they have diculty in achieving ts, somethg has to be done to assist them
am bng Warren Lamb took the view that it is impossible to separate postures and gestes: they merge together in such a way that
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yo have to consider both simltaneosly. He also believed that if people are to be welded together into effective teams, it helps considerably if their postregestre merging patterns match each other, or are at least complementary. There is no dobt that paterns of nonverbal commnication do affect how well a nmber of people develop ino a team, bt we really need to consider the inflence of al aspects of body langage raher than jst two of hem. One of the mos noticeable characteristics of many effective teams is that many of the members look alike. We tend to fee we can work better, and eve generaly interact more comforably, with people who are similar in appearance to orselves. There is more tha a grain of trth in the old adage Birds of a feather flock together'. There will also be similarities in the se of all the other aspects of body angage. Sometimes, there may not be similarity so mch as comple mentarity that is, a dominant person and a sbmissive person will ofen get along very well together becase their body langage dovetails. Dominant people ike to control and reglate interaction, sbmissive people will happily allow this and may actally welcome it becase it removes the necessity for them to make active decisions when they wold far rather be passive.
Exercses and experments Wh's my lin? f you can nl ist th paici pation of a fw othr popl gt thm to tak it in turns to poray an occupation by using body languag alon h othrs hav to guss what th occupation is Which kinds of job ar asist to poray non-vrbally? Which ar th asist to guss? Ar both catgoris mad up of th sam jobs?
2 idl workm Mak a list of th non-vrba bhaviours you would look for in an idal workmat Us th hadings y contact facial xprssions had movmnts gsturs posturs proximity and orintation bodily contact apparanc and physiqu timing and synchronization and non-vrba aspcts of spch.
Gu who' coig o work agin that a nw workr at yor own pac of work was as opposit apparanc to yo and yor workats as possibl (for instanc o ar al idd-agd and Whit that h or sh is yong and ack How wol d this afct th way in which th grop or ta yo ork with oprats?
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Hwy h ld! tdy th brs of yor oca footbal ta an d th way thy pay th s of body angag a factor which affcts how w thy play? hich payrs s to oprat bst togthr s tis pry bcas ootba ing ski l or dos body angag afct th sitation?
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he le of boy lnue n ous stuons encounte n eey lfe sysemtic ch o nlyzn oher eoles boy lnue urn sml lk
addition to work, here are all kinds of other places in wch we eet people and al kinds of people that we meet These encounters a range om the briefest passg and acknowedgeent of oeone in the street to an extremely formal ad prooged eveg ction at which we have to be on or best behaviour, coversg ad acting accordg to quite rigid rules, perhaps for severa hours Cosider the day of a fairly typical faily Mother gets up and he first people she eets are her husband ad children f she is a housewife, she could durig the day meet eighbours, frieds, he postman, the meter reader for the gas or electricity board, the erson delivering ail orders, shopkeepers, other custoers, ther others meetig their chidre fro school, the babysitter, ebers of the parentteachers' coittee, ad peope i the ub after the eetig Father eets his wife ad chidren, and hen possiby the ewsaget, the station ticket inspector, feow assegers, fellow ofice workers, restaurat saff, frieds i the ub aer work, ad people in the pub whe he fialy catches up ith his wife The chidren eet their paret, frieds, cass ates, teachers, shpkeepers, ebers of a childre theare roup tourig schools, ad the babysitter each of these encuters, our ow body lauage and that of ther people will be cotinuously spportig (or cotradictig), egulatig or cotrolig the iteraction which takes pace t rs a costat strea of activity throughout every wakig ur t is particuarly iportat a the begiings of ecouter, d how we behave then can ore or less deterie the evetual utcoe of the etire eetig Exercise: age ad sex p rcord th voics o svrl popl o vrios gs Rcord ls nd ls in roghly q propoions. Hv th tk bot sbjcts hich i not giv thir g y or p void hving n oldr n tking bot his r storis. Py h tps to othr popl nd s i thy cn idntiy h g nd s o th spkrs ro voic lon yo r nbl to nlist th piciption o otr pop sit ith yor bck o th tlvision nd s i yo cn gss th g nd s o svrl spkrs ot ths don in yor nobook. hn tch th pictr s ll s istning to th sond nd s i this hlps yo to dcid ho ccrt yo r. yo cn ind ot rom -typ rrnc book o tvision prsonitis ho od popl ctully r so ch th br
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Exercise review you mgt expet, t not too ut n mot ae to ent a peron' ex fom voe aone It oen ao qu te eay, nentay, to entfy rae or natonaty You w poay have foun w eve form of te expement you tre, tat ren' voe an e poe wtout uty Ve o peope oen ave a voe quaty tat reatvey eay o tngu e rea proem ome wt eope whoe age are aproxmaey etween an
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ere are ome ue wh an be ue Voume ten to e ger wt younger peope tan wth oer one one ten to eepen wt age though en to aren an oun qu frage wth extreme age an may eveop a tremor Younger voe have a more onfent, even a oun to tem n many cae If more tan twohr of te voe were correy aocate to age an ex t wou e a goo reut (aow fve year eter e for age)
e frst fve mtes In he fir five minue of an encounter, paricularly an encouner with a ranger, we are heavily dependent upon body language for inforaion about he other peron; what he or he i like, how eay or difcul hey are going to be to deal wih, whether we are going o ike them, and o on. We depend on body language becaue he opening tage of converation end o centre around mall alk nd general rivia, like he weather, and we do no begin o get deailed verbal informaion until laer. I i inereting o note ha we do no eem o be prepared o defer our udgement until we have thi information. We eem o need o have to ize people up quickly. Hence he dependence on body language. Thee r impreion end to lat. The fac tha hey are formed very quickly doe no eem o detract from heir trength and permanence. Indeed, they can even be aected by what we are told abou omeone in advance of meeing hem. If we are told hat we will like omeone becaue hey are friendly, we can be conditioned by hi and repond in a friendy manner when we do meet hem. We ae people on evera coun when we fir mee them. We rae heir atracivene, which doe not merely mean rating heir exual atracion to u. For mot people, however, if the peron i an aracive member of the oppoite ex, thi will be a factor. We will reurn to peronal atraction in the next chapter, becaue it doe have a trong influence upon u in our ociety and depend almot entirely on body language for it effect
s a part of attraction assessment, we determine the others sex f this is dificult, as it may be with some women with deep voices, ery small breasts and a male body shape, or with some men who are sofskinned and have female gestures and postures, the esulting confusion can adversely affect th comunication between us lthough all men and women are equal, we do espond differently to persons of the opposite sex These differences might disappear as society becomes more sexually egalitarian, but they are still with us and cannot be ignored We try to assess a persons age gain, our responses to people we erceive as being older than ourseves will difer from those we make to younger people These responses will also be affected by our perceptions of the others stats We respond dierently if a younger person is of high status or an older person is of low status Things may change if we become more socially egalitarian, but here, too, we have a long way to go Other aspects of people which we assess in the first few minutes iclude their voice quality, their race or nationality, general appearance and physique, likey occupation, where hey live, and their educational and cultural background We may also assess their social and political attitudes and opinions from their use of body language
Oening an cosing conversations t the beginning of an encounter the kinds of body language which can be observed include a great deal of eye contact, as we are forming the first ipressions we have just discussed, and facial expressions which are more likely to be positive, in the form of smiles, than negative If they had been likely to be negative, we would have done whatever we could to avoid the encounter in the first place There will probably also have been eyebrow flash on first recogniing our companion, head cocks as we show interest in what news they have for us, forward lean, close proximity and direct orientation, handshakes and perhaps hugs or holding the upper arm with the free hand while shaking the hand with the other These behaviours are then followed in the initial stages of ost conversations with stereotyped exchanges of the How are you? Im fine, how are you? variety The conversation will either
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rtly mve n t mre ubtantial matter r will tend t be rtlived. After te tranitin pint, te bdy language ettle dwn int te turn-taking in eye cntact decribed in Chapter 1 Facial exprein and ead mvement will cange t uit the verbal cntent f te cnveratin. Getue will empaize pint being made, rientatin may cange tat it de nt remain cntantly direct and perap treatening. Bth participant will uncnciuly yncrnize with each ther, a decrbed in Capter 9. Te encunter i well under way. Mark Knapp and me f i clleague invetigated what they call te retric f gdbye'. Tey identied a number f item f bdy language wic eem t accmpany te ending f cnveratin. Thee include breaking eye cntact, lef pitining (in wic te pern wiing t depart i pinting tward i r er prped eit), frward lean, increaed head nd, majr mvement f the leg, and miling. Oter beaviur wich may be preent include weeping hand mvement and, when itting dwn, an uncring f te leg wit a trking f te ft againt te r, uing the hand t lever neelf ut f te cair, perhap preceded by triking te and n te arm f te chair a if t ay, Rigt, that' it, then, we've finihed what we wanted t ay t eac ter' indeed, uch verbalizatin may actually accmpany the bdy language.
Ho to sot a iar There i an ld j ke abut hw t tell when a plitician i lying, whic run a fllw. When he mile, he i telling the truth When e pint an accuing inger, he i telling the truth. But when e pen hi muth, e i lying. Clearly, in real life n uch eay and imple criteria apply. But there are certain behaviur whic ccur mre en when peple are lying than when they are telling the truth. Leakage (nn-verbal behaviur which an individual fail t cntrl and which can give clue a t the real truth) m frequently ccur, a we have een, in the lwer half f the bdy. Shuffling the feet, itching the te, cring and uncrssing the leg, and n, increae when we are ting t deceive ther. Attempt at deceptin d al invlve the upper half f the bdy t me extent. Facial expren may be capable f cntrl, and an accmplihed liar may be able t maintain eye cntact with hi litener, but the mvement f the hand are le easily
ntrllble. One geture hs been fund t be commn mngst thse seeking t deeive. This is the hnd shrug in hih the hnds re rtted s s t expse the plms. It is used signl helplessness. It is s if deeivers ere trying t enlist ur smpthy becuse they uld n help themselves. Tuching the side f the nse, tuhing the eye, liking the lips. drumming the fingers nd gripping rm rests, hilst nt in hemselves being inditive slely f flsehd, d ur mre fen hen peple re ttempting t deceive thers. It mes dn gin t ntext. We hve t keep reminding urselves ht there re very few piees f bdy lnguge hih hve mening n their n regrdess f ntext. lbert Mehrbin, hen he investigted h peple behved hen they ere cnveying truthful messges nd h they ehved hen the messges ere untruthful, disvered tht thse h ere lying tlked ess, tlked mre slly, nd mde mre speeh errrs. Their rte f bdy mvement ls seemed t e sler. Blushing, perspirtin, vie tremrs, guping, shking nd lying ith penils r spetcles re ther firly bvius tivities t th for in peple h re nt telling the truth. Lirs re less likely t engge in dily ntt r even t pprh lsely. Their bdy lnguge very ften ntrdits their sken rds. Fr instne, they my sy they uld be very illing t submit themselves t ull enquiry nd yet their fil expressin my sh distste nd their gestures nd sture lsed. Bdy lnguge is nerly lys better guide t he ruth thn even the mst elquent rds.
Smal ta k Vgue, innsequentil hts but nther persn's generl hugh nt seifi) heh, he ether, the frtunes f the l fbll, rugby r riket tem nd similr mters my seem t sme eple t e hrdly rth spending time n. Yet they n hve n imprtne quite ut f prprtin t their pprent signifine. During smll tk, hen he verl ntent is t sy the lest undemnding, e n give mst f ur nentrtin t ther epe's bdy lnguge nd e d. We n even, if e ish, systemtilly urn ur ttentin t ech spet f bdy lnguge
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so that we can learn more about the other person in less time than it would take to do so purely intuitively other advantage of a systematic approach is that it enables us to check that we have not missed an aspect out Next time you meet someone for a casual chat about nothing in particular or the next time you meet a stranger at a party, try the following approach Take each aspect of body language discussed in this book in sequence and consider how the other is using it First, eye contact: do they use much or little? Do they appear to want more or less eye contact? How dilated are their pupils? Are tey lf brakrs r right breakers? D ty kep looking around at other peple, or is their full attention given to you? Secondly, consider facial expressions Are they positive or negative? Smiles and interest or scowls and disgust? Are there few or many changes in expression? Are there any micromomentary facial expressions you can spot? Wat about head vemnts? D thy show intrest with head cocks? Do they encourage you to speak with head nods? Do they respond to your head nods? Des the rhythm of their head movements fit the rhythm of their speech? Next, are teir gestures few or many? Are they expressive? Are they appropriate? Are they open or closed? Do they fold their arms in front of themselves or set up other barriers? If they cross their legs, which way do they cross them, towards you or away from you? Look at the posture is it upright or stooping? Do they use backward or forward lean? Consider proximity and orientation Do they approach closely or not? If you move closer, do they back away r turn to a less direct orientation? What do yu do if they ove closer? Is their orientation direct or indirect? Is it symmetrical or asymmetrical ? Horizontal or vertical? Now consider their use of bodily contact Do hey use any? In greetings only? Are they touchers or nontouchers? Which parts of the body do they touch most frequently as they are talking? Arms, hands, shouldrs, backs or elsewere? Des_the touching, where it occurs, signal greater intimacy between you or only the other's wish for greater intimacy?
Next, assess teir appearance and pysique and ow you feel it afects your response. o you find tem attractive? Are tey taller tan you or sorter? oes tis ave any eect? Are tey fat or tin? oes tis afect your response to tem? Wat about teir timing and syncronization? oes te discussion you are aving dovetail neatly or do you nd yoselves bot speaking at te same time? so, wy? Nervousness or a failure to syncronize for some oter reason? Finally, listen to te nonverbal aspects of teir speec o tey make many speec errors? How fast do tey speak? o tey speak loudly or soly? Have tey a ars tone or a smoot tone? How do te nonverbal aspects of teir speec aect your response to tem? Tere are, of course, many oter questions tat can be posed, but tese sould provide you wit a simple, yet systematic metod of evaluating ow oter people use body language in everyday encounters You sould ten be able to improve your use of body language witout becoming too selfconscious and deliberate Practice will, in any case, make tings progressively easier and more natural
xercses and exerments Who id h? Oa oogas of sval ol, ak wa fo s a oal vo g o a od a oul of us' s aou a o w wll o gv vo away. S f o ol a ma vos o oogas. How sussful a y?
2 ow mny popl do yo m dy? Mak a ls of all ol you m a day B afl o o ss ayo ou lassfy o fds, fay, aquaas, sags ad o-sos (ol l k was, us dvs, a sa, ad so o w wo ao s uly fuoaQ Wa s a of yo daly aos? A yo sdg as u w fds ad faly as you would l k? If o, s ag you a do aou ?
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3 Wh' h fir hig yo oic? Whe you meet rage what the f hg about them that you oce? Doe t er fo male a female? Fo oler eople a for youger eole? What are the hycal characertc you look for (or reo to a aractve tager of the oote ex?
l h h Ether watch a televo rogramme whch eole clam to be tellg the truth a ee how accurately you ca etfy the truth teller or get a grou together to lay he game What eceto cue hel you to el mae thoe leat lkely to be truthful? Ak hoe who eem to be able to ck out the rght ero more oe tha other eole f they kow how they o You wll robably f that may of them ut t ow to a huch a are totally uaware of how they have bee fluece by boy laguage.
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the pa played by body lauae eblh ad ata latohp wth the oppote ex how ovebal behavou ca be ued to ake a dvdual appea oe actve wth bee el-petto ad peo aaeet.
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Tre thogh it may be that beaty is in the eye of the behoder, it is still possible to infence what the eye sees in the first pace. Knowledge is always power and knowing more, as we now do, abot what people find attractive enabes s to take steps to present them with what they wish to see or at least come closer to it than we might if we were in ignorance. Bt why shod we bother? One reason is that those who are perceived by others as being attractive are credited with having other attribtes. Several stdies have shown that they are more likely to be regarded as being talented, warm and responsive, kind, sensitive, interesting, poised, sociable and otgoing. When compared with nattractive people, they are seen as having a socially desirable personality, as having higher occpational stats, as being more maritaly competent, as more inteligent and as being happier. Whether al attractive people possess these qalities or not is clearly open to dobt. Bt if they are perceived as having them, this will tend to encorage their deveopment anyway. Trth is not always reality, bt what peope perceive as reality. In other words, if they think it is tre, then, for al practica prposes, it is tre. As we said at the beginning, beaty is indeed in the eye of the behoder. So what is it that we are looking for? Who and what do we find attractive? Most of the stdies carried ot seem to sggest that men look for those characteristics in women which differentiate them from men: fller ips, narrower eyebrows, a soer complexion, absence of facial hair, large firm breasts, a narrower waist, relatively broad hips and long legs are al saly regarded as attractive. Glenn Wilson and David Nias describe a stdy which reveaed that, over the years, Miss World has on average been an Engishspeaking model, aged 21, ft ins ta, blonde with brown eyes and with vita statistics of 35235. Cleary, many women who do not match these stereotypes are regarded by men as attractive nevertheless, stdies which ask peope to rate photographs of attractive women find that most respondents will agree on who they find the most attractive. Bt averages always do, after all, concea a range of individal variations. It is not qite as easy to identi what it is that women find attractive in men. Men imagine that they ook for taness, a msclar chest and shoders, mscar biceps and a large penis. At east one stdy fond, however, that women were more interested in a mans eyes, whether or not he was sim and
weter e ad smal and sexy buttocks A number of studies ave found tat women are muc ore interested in a mans personality, dependability and general caracter ark Cook and Robert cHenry quote a study wic suggested tat te ideal face for bot sexes is oval in sape wit a clear complexion, large blue eyes, a straigt nose, a mediumsized mout, ears wic do not protrude, long eyelases, busy eyebrows for men and fine eyebrows for women No face, owever, is perfectly symmetrical, so some variation from te ideal is inevitabe In reality, personal attraction does not depend simply on appearance and pysique Every aspect of body language as a contribution to make and we ofen overlook a lesstanperfect face or figure wen, say, pupil dilation is ig wit plenty of eye contact, facial expressions and gestures are expressive, or we like te sound of someone's voice ercise: 10 ot of 10 Soe eae will eeber te fil taing Deek an Duley Mooe, bae in pa on te iea of cog te attactivene of people on a cale runnng fo one to e fil wa bae on a long-tan ng bt of young Wete ae wen lookng fo te copany o youg, attactive feae exercie eek to apply te ae appoac to peron o ete ex
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Ung e atg cale in Figue (ake a any cope o t a you nee, ate eveal tange ove te next week f you cn, enlit te paicipation of oter o tt you fini up wt a eaonably lage nube of coplete cale
ercise review
Two tings sould emerge from tis exercise You sould obtain a clearer idea of precisely wic nonverbal beaviours and pysical caracteristics appeal to you in oter peope You sould also find tat your ratings tend to agree wit tose of oters wo took part in te experiment (if you were fortunate enoug to find some friend or colleagues wo would) Wic is more important, appearance or some oter aspect of body language?
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core people to on each o the ollowing aspects o appearance and other uses o body anguage. Place a X in the appropriate bo
Hair Foreead Sape of ead Face yes Nose Mout ars Neck Skin Body build Soulders Cesbreasts Arms Hands Waist Bttocks Abdomen and pelvis Tigs Knees Calves Feet Sape of legs Lengt of legs ye contact Facial expression Head movements Gestures Posture and stance Proximity and orientation Bodily contact Timing and syncronization Nonverbal aspects of speec TOTALS: (For a 0 rating simpy leave blank)
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oy mt grl Let us visualize a first encounter between a young man and a young woman in a pub, disco or night club and see what body language they might use to initiate interaction and begin to get to know each other. We shall cal the young man Pete. Pete enters and pauses just inside the door, looking around. His thumbs are hitched into the waist of his jeans and his hands are hanging loose. Even so they seem to be pointing towards his crotch, though not in an obvious way. Without realizing it, he is already indicating to all the unattached women present that he is looking for a partner. If his stance is too overtly sexual, he will be seen as regarding himself as Gods gif to women. Pete is already in danger of coming on too strong ad turning the women off. As his eyes become accustomed to the rather subdued lighting, he spies an empty table and makes for it. He sits down, crosses one leg loosely over the other so that an ankle rests on a knee, orders a drink from the attractive floor waitress and continues ooking around. He doesnt realize it yet, but he is already being atched himself and every move he makes is telling the watcher something about him. At a tabe beside the sall area set aside for dancing, a group of young women is sitting chatting. They appear to be wrapped up in each others conversation, but in reality they are barely istening to each other. As they talk, glances dart towards the boys around the room. They are picking out the ones they wil respond to if asked to dance. One of them, Susie, a pert, fashionablydressed year-old with short, dark hair, is already interested in Pete and keeps glancing in his direction. Pete catches one of tese glances and continues looking at her afer she has looked aay He lies what he sees, but what should he do Once he is aware that Susie keeps ooking at him, he contrives to return the look with increasing frequency. The moment comes when their eyes are amost locked together. He wants to look aay, as does usie, and if the mutual gaze continues too long without a deveoment one of tem il ave to break gaze and look away. This ill cause the one who does so some embarrassment and may therefore set in train a negative reaction, which wil make subsequent communication more difficult. efore that can happen, he smies. A sight, warm, iendly smie. Ssie smies back. He nods barey perceptibly towards the dance foor. Susie nods agreement, blushing slighty
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even toug se doesn't really feel embarrassed, just a tingling sensation of pleasurable anticipation. He gets up, goes over, asks er to dance and tey go on to te floor. Wit ardly a word before success was assured, e as surmounted te biggest barrier in uman communication, te invitation to interact in te initial encounter. But e is not yet ome and dry by any means and tere are numerous pitfalls still to avoid. Because te ligts are low and the music is on the loud side, Pete and Susie will not ave muc opportunity to talk. If is initial attraction to er (and ers toward im) is maintained once tey are close enoug to find out if te oter is taller or sorter tan desired, or fatter or tinner, or as undesirable breat or body odour, or is as pysically attractive as seemed to be te case at some distance, or as an unacceptable accent or voice quality, ten tey will bot be sizing eac oter up on a number of characteristics. They will assess eac oter (as we saw in Capter 13) witou knowing it, on weter e oter gies the amount and kind of eye contact desired (if e now keeps glancing too obviously at oter women it will tend to put Susie of), on facial expression (if he doesn't smile again se may interpret it as loss of interest), body posture and orientation (if e keeps dancing wit is back o er, se will go and sit down wit er friends) , gestures (if se keeps stroking er air, e may see er as vain), and a ost of oter nonverbal beaviours. If tey go on liking wa tey see, te moment will come wen Susie wil abandon her friends and sit with Pete between dancing periods. He will be over te second urdle. Teir relationsip will ave progressed a stage. How will Pete know tat Susie likes im and is not just passing te time until someting better walks in te door? Wat signals will se give? Noting can be competely certain because, as we now know, nonverba communication is more dependent on context tan verbal communication. If e looks into er eyes, e may notice tat te pupils are dilated. If is general assessment of er indicates tat se is neiter drugged nor drunk, e may interpret tis as a sign of interest. Se migt not actualy blus, but her facial colouring may be eigtened. Tis can be a favourabe sign, as can perspiration, owever sligt (as long as it's not simly te result of dancing or because te place is overwarm). toug se migt not stroke
her hair vainly all the time occasional grooming gestures and clothesstraightening (especially pulling down a sweater slightly so that it emphasizes te breasts) can be signals of interest and even readiness for sexual acivity We can now leave Pete and Susie o enjoy hemselves and each other secure in the knowledge hat even hough hey have not yet had the opportunity to talk to each other in detail (he music s sill oo loud for this) ther bodes have alreay spoken volumes.
ae yor aners The example of Pete and Susie illustraes som of th genral principles of using body language to find atracve maes and ven to establish relationships of a less permanen naure In many ways hese are similar to those which ar imporant in establishing friendships generally Eye contact between lovers and friends has an vn greaer mportance than it has as we saw at work and n everyday encounters. As greater looking ofen leads to gratr liking h duration of mutual gaze wll b extended Facial expressions will tend to be positive f only becaus one is n the presence of people one feels close to. But is also rue that smply because of this negativ expressions will be more readily olerated. at are friends and lovers for aer all f you canno simply relax and show them how you are really feeling? Similarly it is not necessary o attend to head movemens gestures and posture. Proximity and orientaion however do need more attention. Close friends and lovers wll suspect something is amiss if greater proximity is not permited. Something simiar will apply if the orientation s not reasonably direct. Bodily contact will also be more frequent and in the case of lovers if this is not frequent and extensive it will be inferred hat all is not as well as it should be. Appearance may not seem to matter much but it does. If you persist in dressing totally differently having a diferent hairstyle or makingup ( or not makingup) n an odd way a he very least his will provoke egpulling comments and at the worst it will lead to your exclusion from the group.
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Timing and synchronization may tend to look after themselves, but the nonverbal aspects of speech will be important. If your accent does not fit in, or your voice is too loud and your friends are quiet, or your tone is harsh and your friends are gentle people, you could well have problems. Careful attention to the key areas of body language between lovers and friends will not be misplaced . You may find that some study of the body language of those closest to you will provide insights into the key areas in the specific context in which you find yourself.
Geng on wth eoe Eay is the term ofen used to describe the ability to be able
to view a situation or problem from someone else's point of view. Successful empathy, of the kind necessary in counselling, depends on a more than usually sensitive response to the body language of others and on using it more effectively oneself. Essentially, empathy is a question of adjusting to what other parties to the interaction feel is appropriate. If they want more eye contact, greater proximity, direct orientation or bodily contact, you can provide it. With facial expression or gestures, because the other might make no obvious indication as to preference, you will need to use all your sensitivity in deciding what is appropriate. You can let them give the lead in timing and synchronization, appearance and non verbal aspects of speech. As far as head nods are concerned, the initiative lies wit you. Since their role is to draw out, to reinforce and to reassure, a liberal use of head nods (single and double of normal size not exaggerated) will help to encourage the verbal flow necessary for effective counseling. As counselling and advising are everyday skills as wel as professional skills, these approaches have a far reaching significance.
Sa qa Stars possess charisma. That is wat makes them stars and makes them stand out om the crowd But how do carismatic ersonalities use body language? Is teir use of it wat makes them stars? If it is, cn the rest of us learn how to become stars?
Certainly, body language must be an iportant factor. Our everyday experience tells us that there are many good singers, good actors, good dancers, and good comedians, but only a few of them become stars. Clearly, luck plays a pa you have to be in the right place at the right tie. But body language is also crucial. Charisma is dificult to define, but it seems to be a quality that some people have which draws others eyes to them, which makes people defer to them and which causes them to be raised on to a pedestal in the popular mind. It is most common in leaders (whether political or otherise), entertainers and sports personalities But it is present to some degree in many of the people you meet in the course of an average day. The old man in the pub who is a bit of a character has charisma. So does the captain of the school soccer team whom the girls have a crush on. So does the guard on the train who chats to her passengers over the public address system and at the end of the journey commends them to the safe-keeping of the Almighty. As far as thei use of body language is concerned, charismatic individuals will be domant rather than submissive. Stars (even e stars of everyday life) will be high on gaze and mutual gaze, or eye contact. For some stars it is the most iportant aspect of body language. ey love to look and, especially, to be looked at. They blossom in the lielight of others attention. They feed upon it and thrive upon it. They look around at their audiences. They use anticipatory scanning when moving through a crowd of fans. Stars smile and grin a great deal Their facial expressions are always fast-changing and expressive. Either that or, perhaps in the case of some pop singers, they are sullen, with lowered brows and a seductive expression. A common head movement with stars is to toss the head back wards. It ofen occurs at pauses in songs or when taking the audiences applause. If they have long hair, it is quite a dramatic gesture. In the case of teenage idols, it can on its wn provoke squeals of delight from the fans, as can many other body movements. The head is en tilted back, as if to allow everyone as clear a view of it as possible. Gestures are important to a star. They must be open and the hands are frequently palm up with the arms stretching out as if to embrace the audience. Palm-up or palm-outwards gestures of various kinds and an avoidance of closed, defensive gestures help, as it were, to bring the audience into the interaction: their
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roe as receivers might make them passive and therefore ess likely to appaud unless they were brought in in this way Gestures are often sefmanipuative stroking the hair, picking pieces of flu o the cothing, straightening clothes and may even be overtly sexual in nature Posture tends to be upright with some forward lean ery ofen one arm is extended with the hand palm up and the other hand is on the hip Proximity is not usuay cose, except when moving through fans, though television coseups can give the iusion of proximity Orientation towards the audience will usuay be direct and stems om an od convention in the theatre that, as in teaching, you never turn your back on your audience Orientation in situations like television chat shows may be asymmetrical and indirect as there is usually an attempt to create a relaxing and informal atmosphere in which interviewees wil discose more about themselves than they might otherwise Bodily contact is infrequent Stars are neary always people you ook t but do not touch This my be part of the reaso why pop fans will often go to great lengths to get close enough to touch their idols Appearance is almost always highly attractive or highly unusua If stars looked like chartered accountants or shop assistants, it would be more diicult for us to put them on their pedestals For this kind of reason, they are ofen more heavily made up and their stye of dress is both colourful and fashionable Their timing and sychronization are sharp and dominant They tak a lot and oen in a fast, breathy, midAtlantic' accent They especially like to tak about themseves ad their successes This may seem to provide a stereotypical picture of a star, which is unfortunate stars are, by definition, individuals There have to be things about them which distinguish them rom others That must be remembered All we can do here is highlight some of the aspects of body language which accompany star quality You do not have to practise them all before you can become a star
How to be more aractve Of al the aspects of body anguage that have been discussed, which are the ones that wi make other people think you more attractive Let us take each aspect in turn and see what we shoud be doing
Ey oa: Lookers are normally preferred to nonlookers. Give people as much eye contact as you think they can take. Faial xssios: Be lively. Smile a lot in a warm, friendly manner. Let your face register interest. Ha ovs: Use single and double head nods to encourage others to speak and to show attention on your part. Use head cocks for the same reasons. Keep your chin up, literally. 4 Gss: Be expressive, without overdoing it. Perhaps the best way is to keep your hands out of your pockets and avoid armfolding and other barrier gestures. Use open gestures. Pos: When standing, be reasonably erect. When seated, adopt backward leang asymetrical poste for formality. Adopt forward leaning, symmetrical posture for showing interest. Use open postures. Poxii a oiao: Approach as closely as you can without embarrassing others. Use a 0° orientation wherever possible. Boily oa: Touch as oen as you can without causing ofence. Encourage touching from others. Aaa a hysiqu: Dress according t group norms, but go for colour where you can. Keep skin sof and smooth. Keep slim. This applies to both sexes, but men may have to restrict colour a little more and do not need to have such sof skins. Tiig a syoizaio: Be sensitive to the operation of these factors, as discussed in Chapter 9. No-vbal ass of sh: Do not talk too much or too fast, but try to talk as well as listen in roughly equal proportions. People like listeners, but atractive people talk more. You wil have to balance the two. Control volume, pitch and tone to suit the environment. Aim for a reasonably standard accent and avoid regional extremes. If you feel you are presently deficient in your body language in more than two of these areas, you should be able to improve your attractiveness to others significantly and noticeably.
rcss an rmnt Wo ks firs ov? Osee peope a pae were tey are mee for te frst me a pay or a ae say) Wo ates terato? e mae wo
Wese ulue, sll ens o aop an ougong ole? O e emale, peaps y peing longe an nomal eye ona? Wa oy language ings wo male o wo eale sanges ogee (exep n omosexual enounes)? How oes is e fom a mxe-sex enoun?
2 Srgzing
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Suy elevsion sas How o ey use e aspes o oy language we ave susse in s ape? Wa eenes o you noie om wa as een suggese ee? o mee soe sas in peson an onu e same analysis Ae ee any eenes eween e eavou in eal le an e eaviou on elevson?
3 Pnrs for lif Suy e oy language o people you know wo ave een appily mae o a leas yeas. Do ey eo ea oes' posues an gesues? Do ey eo any oe asps o oy language? How oes e eavou e wen ey ae apa om wen ey ae ogee?
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llo, s Wa ae e oy anguage omponens o sex appeal? s em une e en eangs use n s ape you n ompae you ssessen w o se o seveal e peope On w asps o yo agee?
I this chapter y wi lea:
the roe of body anguage in peonal deveopment how eective use of body anguage can contrbute to persona grh and te epoitation of human develop ment the roe of body anguage in the deveopment of synegic reatons how nonverba behvour can be obseed and coded for anayss
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There is clearly some value in develoing body language skills for their own sakes, as there is in deveoing any other ersonal skill. But the vaue is enhanced if the aim is greater effectiveness in communication and imrovement is seen as making a contribution to persona growth and the exploitation of human otential. Body language is so central to sefresentation and imression management that it makes good sense to see its development as but a means to an end. If, in presenting ourselves to the world at large and seeking to manage or control the imression we make upon it, we can achieve this larger urose of personal develop ment, then the work done in the course of using this book will have acquired additional usefulness. By now it should be clear that, as we claimed in the Introduction, body language can be improved and by now, if you have been carrying out the exercises and exeriments at the end of each chapter, you should see in yourself signs of that imrovement. But we might be able to take things rther, and it wil be the task of this chapter to show how the work done so far can be continued aer you have inished the book and ho you can continue using body language to increasingly better effect. It would, afer all, be ess than fly usel if, at the end of the book, you closed it and said to yourself, Right, that's it. I've done body language, what's next?' Clearly, whatever improvements had been made would oon diappear. There have to be continuation and folowup if improvements are to be maintained and consolidated to rovide a solid base for even rther improvements. ecise: secret messages Tr ar many non-vra gams tat you can pay, f you an nst t coopraton of famiy or frns, wc w p to vop your us of oy anguag n a gnra way an tus contrut to your prsona vopm nt W sa ook at som of tm n ts captr, r an at t n, an you sou t to fn oppounts to pay as many of tm as poss. If you ar usng ts ook as a cass txt, your tutor sou a to arrang for t gams to pay in t cassroom Ts frst gam invovs t non-vra transmsson of mssags Wrt numers on pecs of papr sucnt for t numr of pays (for nstne, f tr ar fve pyers, us t nu mes to ) Gv a te pes of papr to one person Evone ss n a re on s peon, wo gves e of t oter pers a
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uee pee of ppe whh tey keep oee fro the otes he peso the le ls out two ues (sy ) he plyes wth hese ues hve to hge pes he peso the le hs to t to tke oe of the ples Se o oe kows yoe ese's uer the plyers ust fst f out o-velly wh plyes hve the ues le hey ust ke sue the peso the e oes ot lso f out If e peso the le suees tkg plye's ple whe he hgeove ous the tht plye goes to the le eveoe gves h or he the uee pees of pper whh he or she shules restutes he ge the egs g It e plye utl eveoe s ha tu the le or utl eveoe s te of t No oe y spek exept the peso the e g the ues
2
Exercise review I plyg ths ge thee e e thgs woh lookg out fo How for ste o the players estalsh wo the uere layes e wthout the peso he le fg out? Whh spets of oy lguge o they use? How the perso the e es th the o-verl essges whh pss etwee plyers? Is t oe ult to ke othes uest your ue o to uest soeoe else's? How o pyes sgl the oet whe they wsh to hge pes? Soetes k of ospray gst the peso the le eveop whh sevel plyes pete to e the ote ues hs proues ofuso kes t ease fo plyes to hage ples You wll f t useful to ke st of the thgs you le fro plyg ths the othe ges ths hapter
Estblsng ro For successul c mmunication to take place between you and other people, and for you to find that each encounter makes some small contribution to furthering personal development, you need to become skilled in establishing rapport with others For this to happen with relative ease you need clear channes of communication, some degree of trust in, and acceptance of, the other person and a smooth pattern of interaction. There are several things you can do to create rapport. You can use a warm, friendy manner, together with smies and eye contact at approriate points in the interaction. You can make
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rapport more likely by treating the other person as an equal. You can establish the smooth and easy pattern of interaction that is needed by using the various techniques discussed in this book. Finding a common interest or experience can help to create a bond between people, which makes it easier to establish rapport. Showing a keen, sympathetic interest in the other person, giving them your ll attention, making it clear that there is plenty of time for the encounter, and listening carefully to what they say will all help. You can adopt the others terminology and conventions, and generally meet them on their own ground. In discussion, you will need to keep the other person involved in the interaction. You will need to motivate them and make tem want to take part. You will need to reduce any anxiety or defensiveness shown by the other and you should be concerned to see that the impression you make on the other is a good one. Clearly, many of these things can be achieved by using appropriate body language Eye contact will be higher than average. Facial expressions will show interest and a good deal of use will be made of smiles. Head movements will, in the ma, consist of nods and head cocks. Gestures will be open and encoaging. Postures will be forward more oen than not Proxty will be close and orientaion either direct or side by side. Body contac will ofen be appropriate, holding a hand or placing an arm round a shoder. Raport is easier to establish between people who look and dress alike, so this aspect of ody language may be important. Timing and synchronization will be crucial and it is better if you let the other person dictate the pace and style of interaction and seek to fit in with it and encourage it. This can be helped by using non verbal aspects of speech, such as a soft tone, low volume and various supportive vocalizations.
Selfdisclosre Sidney Jourard has done a great deal of research into what he calls the transparent self, or the williness of people to disclose information about themselves to others. He has shown that people will disclose more and behave dierently when the person they are with has rst let him or herself be known in various respects. I other words, if you wish to find out more about a person you are more likely to achieve this if you rst volteer information about yourself. This can be done both verbally and nonverbally.
Non-verbaly, you can engage in self-disclosre by, for instance, using a greater variety of facial expressions, by an increased use of gestures and by more changes in posture. Al bodily movement makes a contribution to enabling others to make an assessment of us. It is often easier to disclose yourself to a stranger than to a friend. If people think they are nikely to see someone again, that person acquires stranger value' and more is disclosed, especially of inner thoghts and feeings. Self-discosure is worth encouraging, both in yoursef and in others. It leads to sef-awareness and knowledge and these in turn lead to self-deveopment and persona growth.
Inteactve k It would b e remiss of us ifwe were to complete our consideration of how to use body language more eectively without giving some thought as to how non-verbal skils rete to other interactive skils. As we have seen, in any face-to-face encounter between people, a substantial part of what happens is non-verbal rather than verbal. Since, at the moment, a great dea of interactive skills training neglects or even totally ignores body anguage, there is a need to redress the balance. integrated approach to the development of interactive or social skills would contain several elements. There would be practice. Exercises and experiments ike the ones in this book provide this. If responses are recorded, this makes it possible for you to provide yourself with feedback, which promotes further improvement. Role-playing provides an excelent oppority to integrate both verbal and non-verbal skils. I this knd of activi roe-reversa, in which you assume a role opposite to that which you would normally occupy in a situation, is particularly usel. Eamples might be fathers behaving as children, managers behaving as shop stewards, saesmen behaving as customers, and vice versa. Again, feedback (perhaps through the use of video taping) enabes articipants to udge how well or how badly they have performed. Games, of the kind suggested in this chapter, also help. Imitations of models of good practice, discussions of situations with others and reading (perhaps of some of the books isted in te Furter Reading section) will al make a contribution.
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Although cautio has bee urged over ecouter groups, some people ca fid them useful. There are, however, alterative forms of sesitivity traiig which are less stressful. These iclude watchig films or televisio programmes ad the dscussig people's behaviour wth others; havig someoe read a passage ad assessig the emotioal state beig portrayed whe the words caot be heard; or doig some elemetary recordig of body laguage i the way suggested later i this chapter. If the ivolvemet of others ca be secured, so much the better, but you ca still achieve a great deal o your ow. The importat poit to keep i mid is that skil i usig body laguage eeds to be see i the cotext of developig iteractive skills geerally.
Syergy Syergy is said to occur whe the outcome of a situatio is greater tha the sum of the iputs. It is sometimes described by the formula 2 + 2 5. Examples of syergy might iclude the performace of a play that is ot just good but gets several curtai calls from a rapturous audiece; the football team which does ot merely wi its matches but seems as if it caot lose; the party at which everybody really ejoys themselves ad seems to go with that extra swig. Noverbally, syergy is promoted especially by sesitive timig ad sychroiatio. Whe thigs are goig so well ad with such a rhythm that a occasio acquires a dimesio of magic ad a sese of beig special, that is syergy. Whe everybody is workig together so well that it seems as if they simply could ot make a mistake, that is syergy. Whe a artist gives such a perfectly timed ad paced performace that it is absolutely awless, that is syergy. Syergy ca also be promoted by eye cotact, head movemet, gestures, postures ad overbal aspects of speech where these have a iuece o people's reactios to what has just happeed ad aticipatio of what is about to happe. Thigs eed to work together particularly well for syergy to be produced. Whe it is, it adds a extra quality which is well worth strivig for. =
Rcng y langag For tose wo wis to pursue teir study of body anguage rter, it wi be usefu to make some more systematic recordings of nonverba beaviour Two possibiities foow First, we watcing a cosen subect on teevision or in rea ife, record teir body anguage on a coding seet (see Figure 15 1 ) Tis can ater be anayed for te purpose of estabising patterns and to identi pecuiarities beavioura styes Second, record your responses to your subect's body anguage on a rating scae (see Figure 152) Tis soud provide even more informatio for anaysis and assessment
•
1 Eye contact Facial expression change 3 Head movements Gestures Posture change Proximity and orientation change Bodily contact Appearance (rate on scale 1 to 10) Timing and synchronization 10 Non-verbal aspects of speech if behaviour present:
8 fgur sht
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Exrcss an xermnts Rndom grops A goup o plye move eely ou oom A peo ppoie te gme lee cll ou ume, uc two o ou te plye ve o ito goup o t ize No-oe my pek Ayoe le ove op ou o te gme. e gme cotiu e uil oly two people emi ti gme it i iteetig to ee wo e e mot uccesul plye wo e te let ucceul Deece i ei ue o oy lguge ou e etecte
2 Is wink s good s nod A gou p o lyes is vie ito two gou l it o cs l ei e ci, ge cice e c is le
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Atractive/good looking _______ Smart _______ Clean _______ High self-esteem _______ Abitious _______ Wam _______ Approachabl _______ Sought afte _______ Happy _______ Calm _______ Rewading _______ Geneous _______ Sociable _______ Permissive _______ Kid _______ Has 'pesece _______ Distinguished _______ Respecte _______ Confdet _______ Asstive _______ Charismatic _______ Sta _______ Success _______ Progessiv _______ Cooufl _______ ikes children _______ Businsslike _______ Extover (outgoing) _______ Active _______ Takes risks _______ Impulsive _______ Expssiv _______ Responsibl _______ Practical _______ Casual _______ Independent _______ Peacful _______ Bright _______ Masculi _______ Straightforwad _______ Honest _______ Opn _______ Spedthif _______ ibeal _______ Diks _______ Sympathetic _______ Consideate _______ Pac
a poit o scale fo exampl:
Clea Warm
fr
Unattractive/ugly Unkempt Dity Low self-esteem self-esteem Unambitious Cold Aloof Avoided Depressed Axious Unewarding Mean Unsociable Stict Cruel Has no 'presence Udistinguished Spued Timoous Submissive Mdioce O of the cowd Failue Reactioay Colourless Does ot lik childre Disorganized Introver (inwad looking) Lazy Cautious ontrolled Ihbited Irrsponsible Reflective Obsssive Dependent Aggressive Dull Femiine Devious Dishonest Shifty Thifty Consvative Abstains Unsympathetic Iconsideate
______
__ _
__ _
Dirty Cold
smatic difftia atig sca for prcptios of othrs' o vba bhaviour bhaviour
my tr mst o um of ys) so i i t my i i s to wik t st y t t ye s to t to gt to t m y y i t so sti stig g i s to t to vt im o If o s sus i vtig t s, bot ys chg s t so wit t mty i tis gi is wo otiig if o tttiv mm of t gou gts mo wiks t yo s if st ys t to voi ig wike t y uctiv stig ys
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3 h gic irror E E y y fis fi s sts sts fig fi g tm tm y ys s t to mov i suh wy tt ty oy ot, s if ty w mio imgs os wo ose t gm sou ook to s wo givs , wi o t t oyig t ots wi o o o tigs tig s t most most i mossi to oy
Siln dr d rwing A m of ope si o o ie of , , sui su i wit yos yos o ft-ti s of iet oous No o sks E so iutes s m o s i s o s wiss o e wig o t iee of Wo ss? Wo os most? Wo os oti otig g t ? ow os os t go ei ei it s fiise? Wt t most ommo o-v vious?
Com in if o cn g in e py p y ss wi si sie e oom y y om om i o o t t tim tim tk p ositio os itio tey i omfo omfo po ty ty ik i k No o my sek e ge iiss i iss w w vo vo is fiy ow my gops fo? fo? W is i s e out? Wt oy gug gu g o o o o us to sow t ty w someo to joi tem? ow o ty sow ty o ot wt wt some o joi joi tem?
n o n c o
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We are approaching he end of our consideraion of body language, is naure, is uses and how i can be improved. You should no hink of his as he end of your sudy of body language, however. You can coninue tha for he res of your life, if you wish, by always paying more atenion o nonverbal aspecs of ommunicaion han you did before you read his book. opefully, you will have overcome he embarrassmen ha many people feel over discussion of body language. You should be able a ble o regard i as a skill in he same wa ha reading, rea ding, wriing, lisening and speaking are skills. As hese can be improved by raining, so can body language. Of all he poins ha have been made in his book and of all he informaion which has been given, which are he mos imporan? impora n? Wha are he essenial feaures of body language ha you should concenrae on and seek o develop in your everyday encouners encouners with with other people a work work and at play ? You are free, of course, o form your own opinions on his on he basis of wha you have learned boh om reading he book and from carrying ou the exercises and exerimens. You migh neverheless find i useful o have a view agains which you can measure your own. Le us consider each aspec of body body language separaely, bu remember remem ber ha is effec effecive ive use requires all asecs o be integrated. We mus remind ourselves ha we only searate he asects a sects for convenience convenience of examinaion. Ey ona should be encouraged. Avoid saring, bu more eye conac is likely to lead o greaer liking, greaer awareness and more accurae undersanding of ohers body language. We have o remember tha communicaion is as much a question of accurae recetion recetion of signals as i is of skilful skilful ransmission. Puil sie is a useful indicator of liking, at clos quarers. As it is
beyond conscious control, it can be more revealing tan many oter aspcts of body language Facial expessions sould be livey and expressive rater tan too carefully controlled and restricted Movement proides oters wit information about us, information wic is more likely o provoke a favourable response Even unattractive people can appear attractive if tey ave lively and expressive faces Many comedians are ugly or ave odd-looking faces, yet teir faces are usually so expressive at teir ugliness almost becomes a kind of beauty Head movemens, especially nods, can ep o kee an encounter progressing smootly and so they, too, soud be encouraged e more you allow, and even encourage, oher people to talk, te more tey will like you Not tha you soud content yourself wit being a permanent istener, simly tat you sould seek to sare te floor, as it were, and avoid ogging it Gesues sould be open and expressive, but not o te point of being contrived and affected Just let tem flow as a natural accompaniment bot to te rest of your body language and to wat you say Avoid defensive, barrier gestures Pam up or palm outward gestures are especially useful to encourage On te oter hand, it is wort noting tat ig-status individuals exibit ow periperal movement in te form of few getures and few canges in posture Once again, it is a question of judging wat is most appropriate in te circumstances Posue sould be uprigt wit forward lean wen trying to convey active interest and involvement Bu there are imes wen an asymmetrical leaning back wil help to keep he amospee informal and relaxed Stooping and sloucing shoud aways be avoided as tese will almost always give an impression of lack of inerest or oter negative feelings Poximi sould be encouraged I our Western culture we tend to distance ourselves rater more tan in many oter cultures, so tere can be several advanages in allowing closeness We can always sofen any stress produced by tis by adopting an indirect orientation Wen we are alone it is wort remembering tat reflective tougt is encouraged more by a orizontal orientation tan a vertical one Bodily conac sould be encouraged were it will not lead to embarrassment Handsakes, arm pats, soulder pats, arm round soulers and guiding ands on te arm or back may be
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the best ones to start with But, as we said, care needs to be exercised here and progress in using bodily contact should be dictated by what others find appropriate It is ore a question of following others initiatives rather than taking too much of a lead Aeaane an ysique should be changed where you can see that this will bring about improvements Experimenting with clothing can oten reveal new ways of dressing which produce a more favourable response from others Since a high value has been placed upon slimness in our society, overweight people might seriously consider either slimming down or at least dressing in ways which disguise the excess esh Timing an synnizain are based on such subtle signals that it takes a good deal of time and efort to refine them Nevertheless, it is worth "rking to improve them Perhas the best way is to observe carefully those people you can identi as having a particularly acute sense of timing and who are able to synchronize with others with seeming perfection Nnvebal ases f see provide an area in which, once you are aware of the characteristics of your own speech perhaps by listening to a tape of yourself you can exercise some control Avoid speaking too loudly with too harsh a tone Avoid speaking too rapidly and using umms, ers, and ahs wherever you can im to maintain as uninterrupted a flow of speech as possible, without seeming too polished and glib Above all, you should remember that body language is only one communication skill It is limited in the amount and range of information it can convey and is most suited to portraying emotions and attitudes But because it does also have a vital role in supporting (or contradicting) verbal communication it needs to be developed in the same way as other communication skills Keep an eye on your own and oter peoples body language, practise the instruction and guidance offered in this book, read other books on body language and you should nd that, a s your skill in using it continues to improve, your enoyment and satisfaction in interacting with other people grows accordingly ou will be taking important steps in te development of your ll potential and will be helping others in the achievement of the igest obectives to wich humankind can aspire, te groh of human understanding and te promotion of truly effective interpersonal communication
In researc terms, in spite of te fact tat some sarc was done ov a undred years ago, body langage (or non-verbal communication, as researcers usualy call it) is stil a very young subject. Altog a great deal of researc as been don in te ast 30 years, muc remains to be done. Neverteless, yo will, if you wis to pursue your interest in body anguage, find i sel to read some of te boos below. Argyle, M. (1972) Te Psyology of Interpersonal Beaviour, Penguin. Argyle, M. (1975) Boily Couniation, Meten. tell, RE (1998) Gesres: Te Do's an Don'ts of Boy Language Aroun te Worl, Wiley. Birdwistell, R (1973) Kinesis an Context, Penguin. Blake, A. (1997) Boy Language: Te Meaning of Moern Sport, Lawrence & Wisart. Caro, M. (1 994) Te Boy Language of Poker, Caro Pblising Corporation. Cook, M. & McHenry, R (1978) Sexual Attration, Pergamon. Clayton, P. (1999) Boy Language: A Visual Guie, Newleaf. Coen, D. (1999) Boy Language in Relationsips, Shldon Press. Cundiff, M (1972) Kinesis, Pakr Pblising Co (USA). Darwin, C. (1865, republised 1965) xpression of te Eotions in Man an Anials, Universiy of Cicago Press. Diagram Group (1999) Boy Language, Harper Colins.
uckman, ., Rozelle, R.M. & ater, .C. (1982) Nbal uiai age Publications. Early, G. (ed.) ( 1998) By Lag: Wi S Graolf Press. Ekman, P. & Friesen, W.V. (1975) Uakig a Prentice Hal. Fast, . ( 1971 ) By Lguag Pan ooks. Hall, E.T. ( 1959 ) T Sil Laguag oubleday. Hall, .W. ( 1 999) By Lguag Harpe Collins. Harison, R. (1974) By W PenticeHall. Hess, E.H. (1975) T TllTal Ey Van Nostrand Reinhold. ourad, . (1971) Slfilu Wiley. Kleinke, C. (1975) i Ii PenticeHall. Knapp, M.L. (1972) Nbal uiai i Hua Iai Hol, Rinehart & Winston. Korte, B. (1998) By Laguag i Liau Univesity of Toonto Pess. Lamb, W. ( 1 965) Pu a Gu uckworth. Lewis, . (1996) T By Laguag f ild ouveni Press. Lovitt, . ( 1 996) By Laguag Lillenas Publishing. Matthews, R.O. (1990) Sig a Syb: By Laguag Wayland. Mehrabian, A. (1971) Sil Mag Wadswoth. Mehrabian, A. (1972) Nbal uiai Aldine Atherton. Morris, . (1977) Mawaig Cape. Moris, . (1979) Gu Cape. Neill, S. & Caswell, C. (1993) By Laguag f Ta Routledge. Nierenberg, G.. & Calero, H.H. (1973) Hw T Ra P Lik Bk Hanau.
Quiliam, S (1995) By Laguag S f Su a Wk, Thorsons Robson, P (1998) By Laguag, F Watts Rosenthal, R (ed) (979) Skill i Nvbal Cuiai Iiviual Diff, Oelgeschlager, Gunn & Ham Ruesch, J & Kees, W (1956) Nvbal Cuiai, University of California Press Rhrof, H (1998) T By i Laguag, Cassell See, AE. 972) Body Laguag a Sial O, nice-Hall Smme, R (1969) Pal Sa, PrenticeHall iema, JM & Harrison, RP ( 1 983) Nvbal Iai, Sage Publications Wilson, G & McLaughlin, C (1996) Wiig Wi By Laguag, Bloomsbury Wilson, G & Nias, D. (1976) Lvs Myi, Open Books Zunin, L (1972) Ca: T Fi Fu Miu, Talmy Franklin
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accent 7 6 62 adaptors 2 · age 26 62 97 7 7 aggression 3 6 6 6 Americans 27 29 32 anger 9 22 27 2 30 anticipatory screeing 3 37 appearance 26 97-2 3 Argyle, Michael 0 3 42 3 aitudes 6 9 2 28 37 42 , 4 42 aracin 2 4 26 37
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Ber, Jame Berne, Erc Birdwhel, Ray 0 Blacks, body angage f 28 bdiy conac 82 2 6 6 70 77 bdy ype 9 Caer, He 42 3 charma 62 chdren 0 3 89 chrnemics clasrom behavur ches changing exrc 02 0 cmuncaton sk 6 78
compettion vs. cooperaion 67 Condo Wil iam Ck, Mark 3 7 cnex 3 26 2 crwding 7 cutura difference 2 unversal Dan , Charle 9 decepto 20 dpresin 28 Derek, B 7 disgut 27 dince 7 dmnance 9 ddg 32 dratc permace
Eck, Pa 22 cr 99 3 embems emi, xre f 3 9 -3 2 28 2 30 78 ay 62 cr gr 72 endr xrc ad exrm 7 7 0 2 6 7
eye cnac 7-1 , , , 69, 1 1 0 , 1 21 , 1 , 1 1 , 1 6 eyew fash 1 2, 2, 3, 1 49
Kendn Ad 0 kinesics Knapp, Mar
faca expessin 1, 4, 62, 1 1 7 , 1 , 1 39, 1 41 , 1 2 fashns 1 02 fea 26, 61 , 1 feedack 1 1 -1 3, 1 1 3 fist ipessins �, 97 fay 1 6 Fresen, Waace ,
aughng 1 23 leakage leavakng legs 76, 1 kng 1 3, 61 senng 1 2 5 king 1 6, 76
ge 1 6, 76, 1 9 Gerans 1 gestures 41 gdye , , 1 Greeks 127, 1 1 , 1 greetings 19, 37, grng , , 1 61 grups , 63, 6, 1 42, 1 72
all, Edwards , 1, 127 handshakes 87, 149 hair 2, 49, 63, 102, 1, 163 happness , , 1 1 9 haptics head cck 2, 2, 3 37, 1 1 1 39, 1 , 1 49 head veents 31, 139, 1 head nds , 1 1 0, 1 1 2, 1 , 162 edn, Rchad 87 hsexuas 1 4, ng Kng 76 illustratrs iain (psture and gesture cpying) , 1 impressin managemen ind ustrial relatins 1 ineractn , 68, 78, 1 interest , 23 inteiewng 39 intimacy 87 Italans 1 Japanese 127, 129 Jurard, Sdney , 10
La, Warren
Mcen, Re akes 37 eengs 1 1 Mehraian, Ale esph 1 essages secre 1 cena epr Me, Dudey 1 Man, Re 1 3 Mrs, Desnd 4 .
Nierenerg, Gerard nn-vera cun c , 1 , 1
seatn dy ln ccupans, dy lngU" I 1 0 usness 39 nursng 1 pp stars 1 recenss eachng 1 neewing entatn 67
paralngusics 1 pauses 100 persnal devepme pesna space 6 physque 1 psure pxecs xy 6 p d atn 1