Friends Into Lovers

Friends Into Lovers – by Jason King

Copyright 2006 – All Rights Reserved

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Legal Notices No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical or electronic, including photocopying or recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, or transmitted by email without permission in writing from the publisher. publisher. While all attempts have been made to verify the the information provided in this publication, neither the author nor the publisher assumes any responsibility for errors, omissions, or contrary interpretations of the subject matter herein. This publication is not intended for use as any source of advice such as legal, medical, or accounting. The publisher wants to stress that the information contained herein may be subject to varying international, federal, state, and/or local laws or regulations. The purchaser or reader of this publication assumes responsibility for the use of these materials and information. Adherence to all all applicable laws and regulations, regulations, including international, federal, state and local governing professional licensing, business practices, advertising, and all other aspects of doing business in the US, Canada or any other jurisdiction is the sole responsibility of the purchaser or reader. Neither the author nor the publisher assume any responsibility or liability whatsoever on the behalf of the purchaser purchaser or reader reader of these materials. materials. Any perceived slight slight of any individual or organization is purely purely unintentional.


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Legal Notices No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical or electronic, including photocopying or recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, or transmitted by email without permission in writing from the publisher. publisher. While all attempts have been made to verify the the information provided in this publication, neither the author nor the publisher assumes any responsibility for errors, omissions, or contrary interpretations of the subject matter herein. This publication is not intended for use as any source of advice such as legal, medical, or accounting. The publisher wants to stress that the information contained herein may be subject to varying international, federal, state, and/or local laws or regulations. The purchaser or reader of this publication assumes responsibility for the use of these materials and information. Adherence to all all applicable laws and regulations, regulations, including international, federal, state and local governing professional licensing, business practices, advertising, and all other aspects of doing business in the US, Canada or any other jurisdiction is the sole responsibility of the purchaser or reader. Neither the author nor the publisher assume any responsibility or liability whatsoever on the behalf of the purchaser purchaser or reader reader of these materials. materials. Any perceived slight slight of any individual or organization is purely purely unintentional.


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One last thing before we begin. You do not have have reprint rights to to this manual. You may not give this manual away. You paid for it, and only you should be reading it. You made a decision to step up and take charge of this area of your life. Don’t devalue yourself by letting other people see what you paid for. The only way you get value out of this information is if you invest in it, and if you respect it. Passing it onto others is a guaranteed way guaranteed way to make sure that these techniques won’t work for you. Please don’t compromise your integrity in any way. Karma is real. I’ve lived long enough to see it in action. Okay, now let’s get onto the secrets for turning your female friend into your lover.


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Table Of Contents A Personal Note From Jason King ...................................... 6 How To Get The Most Out Of This Report ........................... 7 Chapter 1: So You Really Like Her, Huh? Then Here’s What You Need To Know First ................................................... 10 You’re Already Friends, The Hard Part Is Over… Or Is It?................................10 Why Is It So Hard To Go From Friend Into Lover? ........................................... 11 Compartmentalization And Boundaries............................................................. 11 Is She Receptive? Here’s How To Tell................................................................12 It Doesn’t Matter What She Claims She Wants In A Guy ..................................13 Fantasy Vs Reality...............................................................................................15 You Can’t Logically Convince A Woman To Feel Attracted To You................... 15 Is This All There Is To The Experience Of You?.................................................16

Chapter 2: The Wisdom Of Legos ..................................... 19 You Can’t Get There From Here .........................................................................19 Sometimes It All Needs To Come Crashing Down ............................................ 20 The Harsh Reality Of “One Step At A Time” ..................................................... 20 The Dog Who Chases Two Rabbits Catches None..............................................21

Chapter 3: How To Think About This ............................... 22 The Secret Of The Fly......................................................................................... 22 The Secret Of The Vending Machine ................................................................. 23 Being Solid In Your Reality................................................................................ 24 How Do You Feel About Your Status Next To Hers? ........................................ 25 Don’t Lean On People Psychologically .............................................................. 25 Being Committed Without Being Attached ....................................................... 28 It Doesn’t Matter What You Want..................................................................... 29 Cat String Theory ............................................................................................... 29

Chapter 4: You Can’t See Around The Corner .................. 31 The Only Way To Win A Fight ............................................................................31 It’s Better To Ask For Forgiveness Than Permission .........................................31 There’s Never Going To Be A “Right” Time....................................................... 32 The High Cost Of “What Might Have Been”...................................................... 32

Chapter 5: How To Ruin Your Chances Of Success ........... 34 The Five Deadly Misconceptions....................................................................... 34 Misconception #1 – If She Only Knew How I Felt, She’d Feel The Same......... 34 Misconception #2 – If I Just Change Who I Am, She’ll Start To Like Me........ 34


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Misconception #3 – If She Only Knew How Bad He Was… ............................. 35 Misconception #4 – Attraction Will Come With Time ..................................... 36 Misconception #5 – If She Only Knew How Much I’m Hurting….................... 38

Chapter 6: Wiring Up Your Responses In Advance ..........40 Why You Need To Wire Up Your Responses In Advance ................................. 40 What If It Goes Well?......................................................................................... 40 What If It Goes Badly? ........................................................................................41

Chapter 7: How To Tell Her .............................................. 43 It Doesn’t Serve You To Build This Up To Be A Big Deal.................................. 43 Women Look To Men For Their Emotional State............................................. 43 Talk To Her Like You’re Already Lovers............................................................ 46 The Straight Up Conversation ........................................................................... 46 Hand It To Her Nice And Light. ........................................................................ 48 How To Say It Without Saying It....................................................................... 49 Tactic #1 – The Secret Kiss ................................................................................ 49 Where You Start From Is Just As Important As Where You Finish. ................. 51 Here’s How The Secret Kiss Works. .................................................................. 52 Tactic #2 – Write Her A Letter.......................................................................... 53 Tactic #3 – Treasure Map.................................................................................. 54

Chapter 8: Okay, You’ve Told Her. Now What? ................ 55 First Of All, Congratulations!..............................................................................55 If You Got A Positive Response ..........................................................................55 If You Didn’t Get The Response You Hoped For................................................55

Chapter 9: If Things Didn’t Go The Way You Wanted ....... 56 Congratulate Yourself For Having The Guts To Risk........................................ 56 Not Everyone Likes Wine................................................................................... 56 Remember, She’s Not Doing Anything Wrong By Saying No ........................... 56 You’ve Just Moved Closer To Having What You Want In A Woman ................57 Let Her Know That It’s Okay, But You Need Time Apart ..................................57

Chapter 10: Five Mistakes Guys Make When Attempting To Convert A Friend Into A Lover .......................................... 59 Mistake #1 – Going After A Woman Who Has A Boyfriend Or Is Married...... 59 Mistake #2 – Making Her Wrong For Her Decision......................................... 59 Mistake #3 – Pressing Her Into A Final Decision On The Spot ....................... 60 Mistake #4 – Being Apologetic About Your Desire For Her............................. 60 Mistake #5 – Thinking That You Need Her To Be Happy .................................61

A Few Last Words ............................................................. 62 Some Resources To Help You Continue Your Education... 63


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A Personal Note From Jason King Welcome, and thank you for purchasing my guide on how to turn your female friend into your lover You’re about to learn my best techniques and strategies you can use to win the girl of your dreams – namely, your friend who you’ve wanted to be with for a long time. If the girl of your dreams is already your friend, you might think you have your work cut out for you trying to get her to want to be with you, but it’s not true. You already know most everything about her – you have the inside scoop on what makes her tick! Nothing is for certain, and no person or book can guarantee your friend will become your lover, but if you don’t try you will never know what could have been.      

This book is for the guy who is ready to take that plunge… The guy who is sick of watching his friend get hurt… The guy who wants to make his dreams come true… The guy who is sick of being treated like her brother… The guy who knows he is what’s best for her… And finally, the guy who’s decided that it’s time to her yours…

Let’s do it.


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How To Get The Most Out Of This Report This special report is not written like a novel. There’s no need for you to read it from page one all the way to the end. It’s more like an encyclopedia or reference guide that you can refer back to again and again. Here’s how you can get the most out of this quick report. Print It Out This is one of the most important steps. If you’re anything like me, you have a computer fully loaded with dozens of unread eBooks. If you just leave this file sitting on your desktop, you will forget about it. The best thing for you to do is print it out immediately, and either staple it together, have it bound at your local office supply shop, or punch holes in it and put it in a 3 ring binder. The other reason that printing it out is so important is because you’ll want to take notes while you’re reading. I suggest that you get yourself a red pen or a highlighter and anytime you see something that you really want to remember, either underline it with the red pen or highlight it, and then write a quick note or two in the margin. That will help you remember the points in this report that are the most important to you. I cannot emphasize this enough. In fact, stop reading right now and print it out. Don’t worry, I’ll still be here after you’re done, and then continue reading the report on paper. You’ll thank me later. Just do it ☺

Set Your Own Personal Achievement Goals Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment, but one of the most satisfying things in the world for me is setting a goal and achieving it. Even if you’ve never set a goal in your life, you can really benefit from this. Almost every person I know who is successful with women sets goals for themselves on a regular basis. Copyright 2006 – All Rights Reserved

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Everyone does it a little differently, but I choose not to discriminate by the size of my goals. goals. In other words, I feel just as good good about achieving a tiny goal as I do about achieving a big one. Here’s how you can apply this to the report. Each section is only a handful of pages, so you can easily read one section in a single sitting. You can set a goal goal to read one section section per day (and to take notes in the margins), and then when you do… celebrate the fact that you’re increasing the chances of turning your friend into a lover. If you do it it like this, you will have this entire report devoured in just over a week, which is a hell of a lot lot better than letting the the file sit on your desktop and forgetting about it. Two Fantastic Reading Tips To Help You Retain More Lately I’ve been reading some books on reading techniques, and one great tip that I see showing up in every book I read is to skim the entire report before you before you staring actually reading it. Here’s how it works. After you print out the report (you did that already, right?) you just flip through the report and look at the names of the chapters and all the sub headlines. Then take a break for a few minutes, and go back and do it again, but when you do it the second time, just glance at a couple sentences from each section so you can start to get an idea of what each section is about. When you do this, you will arrive at each section and already already be a little familiar with the content. This definitely helps you remember more of the report. Here’s the second tip that will help you immensely. I just learned this a week ago, and I’ve been having amazing success with this technique. When you arrive at each each section of the report, report, notice how there is a sub headline that is in underlined and in bold. When you see a sub sub headline like that, what you you do is turn it into a question. Here’s how this works. Look at the sub headline for the section you’re reading right now. It said, “Two “ Two Fantastic Reading Tips To Help You Retain More”. More”. What you can do is turn that into a question that would read like this:


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“What are these two fantastic reading tips, and how will they help me retain more information?” Do you see how this automatically sets your mind in a direction to find the answer to the question? You will definitely retain more of this information if you do this with each and every section. Even if you’ve never heard of this technique, just try it anyway. You don’t have to actually write out the question, although that might be helpful too. Just ask the question in your mind, and then read on to find the answers. Okay, enough preparation. In the next section, you’re going to learn the basics of turning your friend into a lover. It should only take ten minutes to read the next section, so if you’ve got a few minutes, go ahead and read it right now. After you understand the basics, you can start creating a plan to turn your dream of being in a relationship with your friend into a reality.


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Chapter 1: So You You Really Really Like Her, Huh? Then Here’s What You Need To Know First You’re Already Friends, The Hard Part Par t Is Over… Or Is It? It’s a story told time after time and again – “there’s this girl, she’s great and I’m in love with her, but she just wants to be friends.” Or “she already has a boyfriend and he treats her rotten.” How about – “she just ended a relationship and doesn’t want any commitments right now.” Or the ever popular – “I’ve know her all my life and she can’t see me as anything other than a friend.” Remember “When Harry Met Sally” - that movie with Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal? Crystal? A girl and a guy guy meet, hate each other, other, meet again and become friends and years later become become lovers. Almost every guy guy has had a crush on on a girl who’s his friend. friend. But sometimes it’s different, once in a while it isn’t a crush, it’s more, it’s real and its love. What now? How can you go from being a friend to a lover? Is it possible? Will it work out? What happens if it doesn’t? doesn’t? What happens if I can’t convince her? Wow, lots of questions questions to consider and a lot of scary stuff stuff to think about. But if you don’t don’t try, then you’ll never know. It’s kind of like like the lottery – the only for sure thing is if you don’t buy a ticket, you cannot win. I know – who wants to get hurt like that – what if she totally rejects me, how humiliating! Guess what? That’s the the risk you’re going going to have to take if you want the reward of her affection.


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So… back to our discussion – how to turn your girl-friend into your girlfriend. How are we going to make it happen? Are there tricks you can use? Can you covertly persuade her to see you in a sexual context? Should you just lay it all out on the table and let her choose? Well, in case you hadn’t noticed, love is not a game and tricks do not work. Oh sure, it might for a while but it never lasts. You cannot trick someone into loving you and you cannot fool them either. If you truly want this girl to become your lover you will have to do some things that will be fun, ridiculous and even wacky at times, but these are things that have proven to work.

Why Is It So Hard To Go From Friend Into Lover? People, for the most part, are sleepwalking their way through life. Their minds are such that they don’t have to think about much of anything. I’m that way, you’re that way, and your lady friend is that way. Here’s why, and a little bit about how it works:

Compartmentalization And Boundaries Breaking out of the category of "friend" and having her see you in a different light is a challenge. Think of the people in your own life, and the parts you have given them to play. What if your mother suddenly decided to take up scuba diving or you found your bank manager spent every vacation playing poker in Vegas? These revelations will probably be far removed from the role you expect them to play of the responsible mother and financially cautious bank manager, and may shock you when you first hear about them. The revelation you make to your friend will be just as much of an initial shock to her. She will have you firmly in the "friend" box, and now you are telling her that you now longer fit there and you want to be relocated. It's possible that she won't be open to this extreme shift


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in your relationship, especially when she first hears about it, but have faith… that’s what the techniques in this report are all about.

Is She Receptive? Here’s How To Tell One way you can tell how open she might be to the idea of being with you is how she responds to you now. You don’t actually need to do anything different here. You just need to pay attention to how she’s already being. Does she play traffic cop with you? Is she playing “traffic cop” with you? Meaning, does she let you hug and kiss her, but then if you start getting close she puts up a big stop sign? David’s Story I have this friend named Judy, and we’re both trained massage therapists. Being as such, we trade our services with each other once a week. In the beginning, it seemed like things might get romantic with us, and so I pushed things a little further in hopes that they would. Each week we would go further and further, but she’d always stop me before it got too intense. This “traffic cop” act was very annoying. Why doesn’t she just go for it, instead of allowing it to go a little bit further each time before halting the action? The truly annoying part is that as a result of this, we stopped seeing each other completely. Then I found out that she met some guy at a singles dance, and slept with him after only two dates. What the hell?

Sound familiar? I know I’ve been in a situation almost identical to David’s, and I know how unbelievably frustrating it is. Why did she


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sleep with the second guy right away, while the first guy couldn’t even get her clothes off? The answer is simple. She was able to see the second guy in a sexual context right from the start. The first guy was already compartmentalized as a friend, and so it would require an enormous amount of work to get to the same place that the second guy started out in. Does she insert “friend reminders” into her conversation? This one might be harder to pick up on at first, but once you start seeing them, you’ll wonder how you ever missed them in the first place. I have a lady friend who always says things like:   

“I’m so glad we’re friends.” “You’re my best buddy.” “Isn’t it great that we can be friends, and not have to worry about all the kissy kissy stuff that makes things so complicated? (yes, she actually said that… talk about a hint!)

These are known as “friend reminders”. They’re meant to prevent you from thinking that there are any romantic possibilities between you two. It’s basically a nice way of saying, “I like you as a friend, but I am never going to sleep with you or be your girlfriend.” If she’s saying these things to you, then consider that you got your money’s worth from this report just by discovering a signal she’s been putting out that you were previously unaware of, and now you can move on. Believe me. If she’s going through the trouble of saying things like that to you, then she is well aware that you like her as more than a friend, and she’s trying to prevent an awkward situation by discouraging you from continuing down that road.

It Doesn’t Matter What She Claims She Wants In A Guy


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Just because she claims to want a certain kind of guy, and despise another kind of guy, that does not mean she’s giving you correct information. If you want to know what she really wants in a partner, just look at the men she’s been with in the past, and realize that that’s what she’s actually attracted to. If she typically dates guys who are never there for her emotionally, consider that she is playing out a drama that runs very deep inside her. She’s subconsciously trying to get something resolved from her childhood, and nothing you say or do can change that… even if you point it out to her. If she typically dates guys who are charismatic, exciting, and yet are complete jerks and treat her badly, that’s what she’s attracted to. You might even rationalize that if you could make yourself into a charismatic and exciting person, but leave out the “jerk aspect”, that she’d fall madly in love with you. But you know what, you’d be disappointed to find out that the part of the guy that’s a jerk is the one magic ingredient that makes all his other qualities even more attractive. People are attracted to those who represent an opportunity for them to complete something that is unhealed and incomplete from their childhood. Often times a woman is attracted to a man who has the same qualities that she hates about her own father. This is not a conscious decision, and she probably wouldn’t admit it, even if you pointed it out to her. Her subconscious mind is pushing her to heal this part of herself by putting herself back into similar situations from her childhood. History is more reliable than people’s self opinions If you’re dealing with a person who is a compulsive liar, and they tell you that deep down, they are really honest and truthful… you’d be basing your assessments on the wrong information if you listened to what they said. What you need to go by is their consistent history demonstrated over time. In other words, it doesn’t matter what she tells you she wants in a man. What matters is what she’s demonstrated that she’s attracted to. Start paying attention to that, and use that information to judge


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whether or not you can provide that for her… and most importantly, whether you’d be happy being with someone who’s attracted to those qualities. If, deep down, she really wants a bad boy, and yet she says she wants a nice guy to marry, what she’ll do is marry a nice guy, and cheat on him with a bad boy. And that brings us to our next topic…

Fantasy Vs Reality Have you observed your lady friend exhibiting what you’d consider to be bad behavior while she’s with another guy? Has she lied to guys in the past? Has she cheated on guys in the past? His she mistreated any of her previous boyfriends? Has she ever revealed private information to you about him? One of the traps that guys fall into is that they think that she will magically change into a princess by being with them. Make no mistake about it, you are doing the same thing that I mentioned in the previous section. You are running a pattern from your childhood, and trying to rescue her by creating a supportive environment for her to turn into your magical princess. Jason King’s Personal Tip: Listen to me very carefully… she’s not going to transform by being with you. If you don’t fit the type of guy she’s typically attracted to, then you have to face the fact that even if you persuade her to be with you, she’s going to feel compelled to sabotage the relationship and be with the kind of man she thinks she deserves (which may be a lesser man than you are).

You Can’t Logically Convince A Woman To Feel Attracted To You Another dating guru named David DeAngelo, said it best when he said, “Attraction isn’t a choice.”


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When you see a hot, sexy woman walking down the street, how long does it take you before you want to strip her naked and take her into your bed? Less than 3 seconds, I bet. You don’t sit there, create a list or pros and cons of being with her, evaluate her body type and compare that with your ideal woman, and then make a conscious choice to feel attracted to her. You just feel it. It’s not a conscious choice. The same holds true for her. It doesn’t matter how good of a case you can present for the fact that you’re better than the guys she’s usually with. If she doesn’t feel attracted to a guy, no amount of convincing or logical argument is going to make her feel that attraction. If, on the other hand, she does feel attracted to a guy, then no amount of logical reasoning from her friends or family is going to change the fact that she’s attracted to him. This is why you can’t convince a girl who’s got a lousy boyfriend to break up with him, even if you’ve got lots of good reasons. She sees those same things that you see, and her attraction for him is a much more powerful influence. She’s intoxicated with sexual attraction, and so she can’t think about this from a logical, objective point of view. If you doubt this, just think about how irrational you become when you’re about to have sex with a woman. Are you thinking clearly in that moment? If she’s in love, the last thing you should expect is for her to be able to think about this logically.

Is This All There Is To The Experience Of You? One of the biggest reasons friendships don’t turn into romantic relationships is because there’s no experience of newness. This is the same trap that some people fall into when they live together before they get married. I’ve known a lot of couples that chose to live together before marriage, and they simply remained boyfriend and girlfriend for years and years before eventually breaking up. What happened? They said they wanted to get married… so why did they live together for five years with no proposal?


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The answer is simple. There’s nothing new to look forward to by making the commitment. There’s nothing new that will happen with an engagement ring that isn’t already happening now. Nothing will change. They will still live together. They will still be annoyed by each other’s habits. There’s nothing new and exciting to look forward to by proposing and getting married if you’re already living together. Think about this in terms of a friendship between you and your lady friend. Has she already experienced what it’s like to be your girlfriend, but without the sex? 

   

Are you already paying for her dinners once in a while (or every time)? Are you already doing special favors for her? Are you already listening to her problems all the time? Are you already available to her whenever she needs you? Do you two already have really good, deep conversations?

If so, then the only thing that would be new if you two began a relationship is there would be sex and a change in title (as in, “this is my girlfriend, Laura”, instead of “this is my friend, Laura”). When you get into a relationship with someone you just met, it’s exciting and everything is brand new. It seems like there are endless possibilities, and you are enthusiastic about getting to know this new person, and letting them get to know you. It represents an opportunity to grow, and become a new person by seeing yourself through the eyes of someone completely new and different. It’s intoxicating and there are surprises around every corner. Is this the case with you and your friend? Has she already experienced most of what there is to you? What is there to look forward to other than sex? What experience of newness and mystery can you provide her with? How can you show her that there is so much more to you that’s waiting to be experienced… but only if she earns the right to call herself your girlfriend?


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SIDENOTE: This is an important question for you as well. What do you think is going to be different if you two hook up?


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Chapter 2: The Wisdom Of Legos You Can’t Get There From Here I currently live in Rhode Island, USA, and there’s a saying around here that goes, “You can’t get there from here”. It comes from the fact that the highway system is so ass backwards around here that you often have to go out of your way and connect to several different highways before you can get to where you were originally going (which is usually only a few miles away). In other words, there’s no straight line from point A to point B. The reason I’m telling you this is because it’s possible that from where you’re standing, there’s no direct route from where you are to where you want to be. Do you remember the Lego building block toys from when you were a kid… those silly little colored bricks that you used to use to build all sorts of things… boats, planes, castles, swords, etc.? Imagine that you and your lady friend build an enormous Lego castle and you called it “friendship castle”. But now you want to build a different kind of castle called “relationship castle”. It has a completely different look and structure than the friendship castle. How do you go from the castle you have now, to the castle you want to have? There are pretty much two ways to do it. The first way involves taking one little piece of the friendship castle off at a time, and placing it where you think it should go in the relationship castle. Imagine how long and how difficult that would be, especially considering that the support structure of a relationship castle is completely different than the friendship castle. How are you going to take apart the foundation without making the friendship castle come crashing down? Like we say in Rhode Island… you can’t get there from here.


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Sometimes It All Needs To Come Crashing Down The second way is the one I recommend. Just kick the damn thing over and let it fall. I’m serious! Why cling desperately to the castle you have if it’s not what you want? Maybe it’s not what she wants either, but she doesn’t want to ruin the friendship castle, because she doesn’t know how you feel. Maybe she just needs you to deliver the first kick so she can see that you’re willing to tear it down too… as long as she knows that you’re tearing it down with the intention of rebuilding it newer and better.

The Harsh Reality Of “One Step At A Time” Sometimes you need to cut your attachment to the way things are in order to destroy your current creation and rebuild something fresh and new. Which situation do you think is going to be more appealing to her? Situation A – sitting there with you while you try to carefully move one Lego at a time to build the relationship castle (while being careful not to mess up the friendship castle). This is long and exhausting. Situation B – a new guy comes along with a box full of loose Legos that they can build anything they want with. The possibilities are endless, and the future is wide open. This is exciting and exhilarating! Be willing to kick the friendship castle over and then boldly invite her to rebuild a majestic new castle that you and her can rule over together. Hell… go out and buy some Legos, build a castle, invite her over and tell her that this is your friendship, and invite her to kick the hell out it together, so you can rebuild things fresh and new. Now that would be a memorable beginning of a relationship.


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The Dog Who Chases Two Rabbits Catches None Now we’ve been talking about Legos this whole time, but how can you practically dismantle a friendship without hurting the other person’s feelings. Three words… communicate your intention. Tell her that you can’t be friends with her anymore, but then tell her why. Explain that what you really want is to say goodbye to the old way of doing things and create something new and special with her. THIS is how you become new in her eyes… not by trying to maintain the way things have always been, but rather, turning your back on it, and deciding to tread new ground together. There’s an old Zen saying: “The dog who chases two rabbits catches none.” You can’t fully be her boyfriend if you’re still committed to being her buddy. If you try to maintain the old, while chasing after the new… you’re not going to be able to hold onto either one powerfully. It’s like a person who really wants to buy a new car, but is afraid to let go of the old one. If you’ve only got room to be committed to one car, then you’ve got to drop the old one to get the new one. It’s also like the person who wants to move to a new city, so he moves across the country, settles in his new home and starts making a new set of friends. And yet, he flies back home every weekend, because he can’t seem to let it go. He’s got one foot in his old home, and one in his new home, and both sets of friends experience him as only “half there” (which is not attractive to either sets of friends). Let the first rabbit go, so you can go after the one you really want.


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Chapter 3: How To Think About This The Secret Of The Fly “There is nothing that is a more certain sign of insanity than to do the same thing over and over and expect a different result.” Albert Einstein Have you ever seen a fly that’s trapped inside someone’s house or office, and who keeps flying into a closed window to get outside? We can be like flies sometimes. Have you ever kept doing what you thought would work to win a woman’s affection only to find out that it had the opposite result? What I’m trying to tell you here is that there are things that you are doing with your lady friend right now that are not working. Chances are, they are the very things that you think are working. Things like: 

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

Being totally available to her whenever she wants to talk about her feelings and problems (especially about another guy). This is known among the dating gurus as being her “emotional tampon”. Going to her house to help her do household work, like fixing her plumbing, shoveling her walkway, cleaning her gutters, etc. Paying for her meals, and generally not letting her hold up her end of things when there’s money involved.

What things are you doing for her right now that you know should only be reserved for a girlfriend? Things that you hope she’ll appreciate and take notice of? Write them in the spaces below: Copyright 2006 – All Rights Reserved

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1: _____________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ 2: _____________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ 3: _____________________________________________ _______________________________________________ _______________________________________________ Chances are, these are the very things that you need to stop doing immediately . They aren’t getting you any “boyfriend points” with her, so just stop it. She doesn’t appreciate them in the way that you hope she does. Sure, she might be grateful that you do those things, but if some guy who she’s attracted to came along and bought her a candy bar, she’d be ten times more appreciative of that than she’d be if you paid for her dinner yet another time. Why? Because you’ve trained her to expect it. Think about that.

The Secret Of The Vending Machine Have you ever put money into a vending machine that was either out of order, or that just ate your money and didn’t give you anything in return for your investment? Sure, we all have. 

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We’ve all gone to payphones that have stolen our money. We’ve all put our spare change into a soda machine only to find out that the machine empty and won’t return our money. We’ve all put money into a parking meter that doesn’t work.

Would you keep putting your money into a machine that isn’t giving you what you want? Of course not! You’d simply take your money and


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go to a machine that will give you what you’re looking for. The same thing is true for relationships. Why would you continue to invest your intention, energy, hopes and feelings into a woman who isn’t capable of returning them, and also who doesn’t even really notice your feelings in the first place? I’m not saying that you should give up on your friend. I’m just saying that sometimes it’s obvious that you’re not getting anywhere, and what you need to do is take your emotional money and invest it into someone who will reciprocate. This isn’t the case for everyone, but I guarantee that there is someone who’s reading this right now who needs to hear this message. He knows there’s something not quite right, but he can’t place his finger on it. He feels torn, but he’s not sure how to articulate it. The vending machine example is a useful way of looking at relationships in your life that no longer serve you. Just realize that they were good for a while, but you don’t need to keep pumping your “money” into them forever.

Being Solid In Your Reality The man who is solid in his own reality is a very attractive man in the eyes of both women (because they want to be with him) and men (because they want to be like him). This means making no apologies for your desires as a man. This means that you make it okay for you to feel the way you feel about your lady friend. There’s nothing wrong with it, but there is something wrong with keeping it bottled up all this time. One of the most important things that you need to do is to take ownership of these feelings that you have for this girl. They’re your feelings, but that doesn’t mean that they’re necessarily going to be hers. Don't start to make her feel uncomfortable by suddenly touching her inappropriately or otherwise invading her private space. You’ve got to lay some groundwork first.


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Remember, there’s no need to feel guilty for how you feel about her. You never need to apologize for your feelings. You do need to apologize for your behavior if it’s inappropriate, but not for your feelings. This report is about learning to express your feelings in a way that’s both appropriate and appealing to her.

How Do You Feel About Your Status Next To Hers? Do you secretly think that she’s above you in status? I’m not talking about rank in the workplace or who earns more money. I mean if you were at a party, would you cling to her as a life preserver, because she has more social power than you? Does she have less social power than you, and you’re thinking that if she was with you, she’d blossom into the butterfly you know she’s capable of being? At the very least, you need to have respect for this girl. If deep down, you really think that you’re better than her, then the relationship isn’t going to be challenging enough for you to be fulfilled. I’ve had girls who wanted to date me, but who clearly didn’t have the social power that I did. They clung to me at social gatherings, and dropped my name when talking to people as a way of feeling important. On the flip side, if you think that she’s above you in status, then you are going to have to take the steps necessary to get to her level. You need to learn about social dynamics and conversation skills. You need to practice at becoming a guy who people like being around. Search around for books on conversation techniques and social skills, and get out there and practice. You may be surprised that new levels of women are suddenly available to you as a result of your training, and your friend might start to look like a less desirable option.

Don’t Lean On People Psychologically I first heard about this concept from a dating guru named David DeAngelo, but I’ll explain it my way here. There are two kinds of


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people that really annoy me when I’m out in public. These are people who I can smell a mile away, and who I go out of my way to avoid contact with. They are: The Mall Solicitor Our local mall in Providence, Rhode Island is pretty huge. It’s three levels, packed with medium to high-end stores. There are also lots of freestanding kiosks in the center of the walkways. These are the ministores that don’t require a normal storefront. Often times their product line is limited to just a few things. They sell things like:     

Beauty products & skin care One specific kind of toy that has high appeal Cell phones (this is a big one) Nail grooming kits (home manicure type of stuff) Steaming irons that get wrinkles out of your clothes (yeah, I bought one)

And the list goes on and on. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. Almost every time I walk from one end of the mall to another, I get approached by several different people who ask me questions to try and hook me into talking with them. The cell phone people are particularly good at this. It’s annoying, and I deliberately avoid eye contact with them so they don’t feel comfortable approaching me. My good friend, Steve likes to answer them in a foreign language so they get confused, and don’t know how to respond ☺ The second type of person who drives me nuts are the: Network Marketers These are the people who walk around the bookstores (usually near the magazine racks and the business books) and start conversations with you from thin air. They appear to be really interested in your goals and dreams, but what they really want to do is hook you into joining their network marketing business.


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I don’t mean any offense if you happen to be in one of these businesses. In fact, you might learn something really valuable in this section about how to deal with people. Why am I telling you all this? The reason I don’t like dealing with the people I mentioned above is because when I’m talking to them, they have a way of placing “psychological weight” on me. I can sense that they don’t have any real interest in talking to me other than their own selfish agenda. There’s a book called “Silent Power” by Stuart Wilde that you should check out. He describes this phenomenon called psychological leaning much better than I could. It’s not important that you understand every aspect of this right now. I just need to bring this up, because it’s going to be very useful when we actually get to the section on the specific tactics and communication techniques. You must become good at talking with people in a way that is inviting, not pulling. When you’re inviting, you’re like a big, attractive magnet who is holding the door open and saying, “hey, come on in”. You’re placing no psychological weight on the person. You’re not trying to get them to do anything or agree with your point of view. You’re merely sharing yourself with them from a leaned back, relaxed point of view. When you are leaning on someone, it’s like you are throwing your grappling hooks at them, and trying to pull them into staying in a conversation with you. This is where manipulation is needed, because people won’t want to keep talking with you otherwise. Manipulation may get you what you want in the short term, but if you want to have people who are in your life, because they genuinely like you and want to be near you, manipulation is a terrible idea. Becoming aware of psychological leaning As you go throughout your day, practice observing people and notice if they are leaning on you psychologically. If you want to get a good experience of what it feels like to have someone lean on you, just walk around in your local shopping mall, and make eye contact with the cell phone people. Trust me, they’ll lean on you right away. The same


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holds true for telemarketers. If you get people who call you to sell you stuff, stay on the phone with him, and see how they will try to sink their grappling hooks into you and pull you into buying. They’ll use any tactic they can think of, even guilt, to get your cash. This one distinction can change your life if you really integrate it into your style of communicating. That’s why I’m spending so much time on it here. I know this report is about turning your friend into your lover, and this distinction is a huge part of that. You’re going to need to have a working awareness of psychological leaning so that you can make sure you avoid it when you have the conversation with her about the two of you being together.

Being Committed Without Being Attached This is a fantastic concept that I got from one of the seminar leaders at Landmark Education (the creators of a seminar called The Landmark Forum, which I highly recommend). Most of the time when people are committed to something, they are attached to things turning out the way they want. If things don’t turn out their way, they get upset or angry. It took me a while to separate being committed from being attached, but once I really got this distinction, it changed my life. Right now, you are committed to both being her friend and being her lover. The first thing that needs to happen is the stuff I talked about in the chapter on Legos. You’ve got to remove your attachment to the way things are. Then, you’ve got to stop being the “dog who chases two rabbits”. Fully commit yourself to being in a relationship with her, and making that a reality. The next step after that is to remove your attachment to it turning out exactly as you planned. It’s perfectly okay to stand strong in your commitment and to also let go of your attachment to it being “my way or the highway”. It doesn’t have to look a certain way in order to be magical.


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It Doesn’t Matter What You Want Up until now, you’ve probably spent way too much thinking about what you want. It’s all been about you…     

YOUR desires YOUR fears YOUR concerns YOUR wants & needs YOUR jealousy of her boyfriend

For the most part, even if you’ve convinced yourself that you’re really just out for her best interest, what you really want is to have her as your girlfriend. That’s just a more sophisticated version of the caveman fantasizing about grabbing his club and taking what he wants. This is, and has always been, about you. Now it’s time to shift the focus off of what you want, and start thinking about what she wants. That is going to take some practice on your part, because you’re used to focusing on your intense desire for her, and your fantasy of the two of you being together.

Cat String Theory Cat string theory is a term I’ve heard talked about by a bunch of dating gurus, so I’m not sure who to give credit to. The last place I read about it is in Neil Strauss’s best-selling book: “The Game – Penetrating The Secret Society Of Pick Up Artists”. This book is definitely worth reading. The basic philosophy behind cat string theory is that when you take a string and place it directly in front of a cat, the cat will quickly become bored and disinterested in the string. If you take the string, and start to pull it away, however, the cat will become intensely interested in it. It’ll wait until the string is just around the corner and out of sight, and then it will leap into action and go after the string. People are like that too. Sometimes the one thing that it takes to get them to get off their butts and take action is to let them see that they Copyright 2006 – All Rights Reserved

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are about to lose out on a great opportunity forever. Do you see how this might have some useful applications when it comes to women and dating?


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Chapter 4: You Can’t See Around The Corner The Only Way To Win A Fight I’ve taken different kinds of martial arts over the years, and one idea that is consistent throughout all of them is: “You cannot win a fight unless you’re willing to get hit.” Think about it. If you’re afraid to get hit, then you’re not going to have the courage it takes to hit the other person and knock them out. I’ve lost a couple fights because of this. I remember when I was in a fight with someone who was literally twice my size. I knew that I was much faster than he was, but I was afraid of getting hit with one of his power punches. The end result was that I got beat up anyway, and I never even got one shot in. Think about how this applies to women and dating. You’re never going to get the reward of the woman of your dreams if you aren’t willing to get rejected. And not just rejected once, but many times. Usually when you’re practicing talking to women, so that you have the skills necessary to attract the level of woman that you desire, you’re going to get rejected a lot. It comes with the territory, just like getting hit is part of learning how to win a fight. The same thing applies to your lady friend. You have absolutely zero chance of being with her if you aren’t willing to deal with the possibility of her saying no, and possibly even losing the friendship. Be willing to get hit if you want to win.

It’s Better To Ask For Forgiveness Than Permission Some of things I’m going to suggest you do are going to require a bit of courage on your part. There’s no way you’ll ever do what it takes to


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communicate your desires to this girl if you’re waiting around for a “green light” on her part. Instead of worrying about whether or not you have her permission to be so bold, it’s easier to ask for forgiveness if you do something she doesn’t like. At least you tried. Now, that’s not a license to go and pull her clothes off and have sex with her without her consent. I’m just saying that sometimes you need to jump, and the bridge will magically appear. And if it doesn’t, you can deal with it. Trust me, you really can.

There’s Never Going To Be A “Right” Time After reading the section above, you might be thinking to yourself, “Well, I’m just waiting for the right time to tell her.” If this is the case, stop it right now. There is NEVER going to be a time when you think to yourself, “Okay, now is the perfect time to tell her.” You’re always going to second guess yourself. The “right time” is the time that you choose to tell her. You don’t wait for the right time… you choose the time. Stop waiting around until you’re ready. You’re never going to be totally ready, and sooner or later she’s going to end up dating someone else. How would you feel if she ended up marrying that guy, and you lost your chance, because you were waiting around? What would you do next… wait for her to get divorced? There’s never going to be a perfect moment. Just pick a moment, go for it, and that’ll be the one you’ve been waiting for all this time.

The High Cost Of “What Might Have Been” While we’re on the subject of her getting into another relationship, let’s talk about what that would cost you emotionally. Are you really willing to spend the rest of your entire life always wondering what might have been?


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Are you willing to put yourself through the pain of always wondering if you two would have been happy together? I tell you this… there’s a lot of value in knowing for certain where you stand with her romantically. At least if things don’t work out, you’ll get some closure, and you are finally free to explore other women without holding back (because you’re no longer waiting for the opportunity to be with her). And what if things do work out? What if she agrees to be with you, and you two live happily ever after? How great would you feel if you finally got that girl? That’s a rich reward, and it’s worth going after. But you have to go after it 100%. No more of this half-assed “wishing she’d be with you” stuff.


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Chapter 5: How To Ruin Your Chances Of Success The Five Deadly Misconceptions One of the surest ways to ruin your chances of success is to believe in what I call the five deadly misconceptions. They are simply ways of thinking that are keeping you stuck where you are right now, and will not allow you to move forward in your love life… whether with her, or with other women. Let’s look at each one of these more closely:

Misconception #1 – If She Only Knew How I Felt, She’d Feel The Same Have you ever had a girl who wanted to date you, but you weren’t interested? Did the fact that she liked you have any major influence on your decision to like her back? No… you like what you like, and nobody else is going to change that just by wanting you to change your mind. Sure, you can be persuaded, but your mind isn’t going to change just because somebody wants it to. Persuasive action is required. The same is true with your lady friend. Just knowing how you feel isn’t going to magically flip some switch inside her that will turn on the attraction.

Misconception #2 – If I Just Change Who I Am, She’ll Start To Like Me This is something that I believed for years. I really wanted to be with this girl named Melissa, but she wouldn’t date me for a few reasons. She said she didn’t like the fact that I smoked (for the record, I


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smoked when I was younger, but quit a long time ago). I told her that I was going to quit smoking, and do you know what she said to me? “Jason, I don’t want you to quit smoking for me. And even if you do quit smoking, I still don’t want to date you.” Ouch! The same thing happened with another girl. She wanted to date a guy with long hair, and so I spend two years growing my hair long… hoping she’d become attracted to me. She ended up marrying a guy with short hair. When you see your lady friend dating guys who have qualities that you don’t, you might be tempted to think that if you add those qualities to your personality, she will magically become attracted to you. She won’t. In fact, she will completely lose respect for you, because you are too much of a wimp to be your authentic self. If she’s attracted to a particular type of guy, it’s because she likes the mixture of his traits. If you try to take on his traits, what you’ll be doing is adding your own deeply held traits with your version of his traits and it will come across as completely inauthentic and fake. Let’s imagine that what she likes is a cheeseburger, and you are chicken soup. Do you really think that you can take a cheeseburger and put it inside a bowl of chicken soup and have it pass as “just a plain old cheeseburger”? No, it will be an odd mixture, and probably taste terrible. What you need to do instead is look for a girl who likes chicken soup.

Misconception #3 – If She Only Knew How Bad He Was… This is a very tempting trap to fall into. Let’s your friend is dating a guy who’s obviously bad for her (in your eyes). He cheats on her. He doesn’t treat her nearly as well as you’d treat her. He lies to her. He’s a lousy jerk and is unworthy of your friend’s affection. Copyright 2006 – All Rights Reserved

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Sure, you can see that he’s not a suitable mate for her, but for some reason, she doesn’t see that. If only you could convince her and make her see that he’ a jerk, she’d immediately break up with him, and realize that because you cared so much about her that she should be with you instead, right? Wrong. Don’t even think about it. If you try to convince her that he’s no good for her, she’s not going to take your advice. In fact, she’ll probably use your words as ammunition for a future argument with him. She might say something like, “You’re such a dick. Even my friend Bob thinks you’re a dick. He’s warned me dozens of times that you’re a liar and a cheater, but I didn’t listen… blah blah blah”. Guess what? An hour later they will have made up, and he will start trying to convince her that you’re trying to ruin the relationship and that she should stay away from you. Now you’ve got him wanting to kick your butt, and her resenting you for trying to get in the way of her happiness. Sure, things might get so bad in her relationship that she finally sees the light and breaks up with him. And as we all know, hindsight is 20/20. She may come to you and apologize and say that you were right, but she’s still not going to be attracted to you. Instead, she’s going to complain to you endlessly about how bad he was, and she’ll probably go off and have “ex-sex” with him. She might even get back with him, or start dating someone else just like him. Remember when I said, “attraction isn’t a choice”? No amount of logical convincing is going to cause her to lose her attraction for him. If you try, she’ll stop regarding you as a friend, because you’re trying to stop her from doing what she really wants. Even if he’s the worst guy ever, you’ve got to let her figure that out on her own.

Misconception #4 – Attraction Will Come With Time


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While it’s true that you can grow attached to someone over time, attraction is something that happens instantly. If she’s not attracted to you now, she isn’t going to in the future… unless you change dramatically. Personal Note From Jason: I hate to even say this, because deep down I know that you’re perfect just as you are. Deep down I know that it’s better for you to just find someone who thinks you’re perfect, but if you have your heart set on this girl, you’re going to have to work on becoming a newer and better version of yourself. The only way for her to re-evaluate her level of attraction for you is for you to become new in her eyes. The best way that I know of to do this is to not see her for a while, and do your changing while you’re away. Some ideas for transforming yourself are: 

Lose weight and/or get fit – Just start going to the gym and exercising. Find out what kind of exercise you like to do and do it. I personally wouldn’t step foot in a gym, because I find it boring. Instead, I go running every morning, play volleyball twice a week, take dance lessons and I also take kung fu lessons. SIDENOTE: Make sure you check the resources section in the back for a teleclass that I strongly recommend that you take. It’s a free class that you take over the phone, and it helped me realize why I was resisting exercising.

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Change your hairstyle to something new – If you’ve always had the same look, treat yourself to a high end salon, and ask for someone who specializes in men’s hair. Tell them that you want a completely new look, and ask them to suggest something based on the frame of your face, and your overall goals in life. Don’t go getting a punk rock haircut if you’re in your 40’s, and work in a corporate environment. That’s just stupid. But you can maybe grow it out a little, get some bangs or spike it and get blonde highlights, and start using hair product to texture it.


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Change your style of dress – If you’re not used to dressing nice, then you’re going to need some help here. While you’re at the salon, ask them if they know anyone who is a personal shopper for men. If you don’t have any luck, try typing “personal shopper your location” into Google’s search engine. For example, I would type in “personal shopper Rhode Island”. Personal shoppers are a great resource, since they can look at you with a new set of eyes, and determine what clothes would make you look your best.

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Become more outgoing – This is something that takes time and a lot of practice. Start going to new social events that you’ve never been exposed to before. Take a personal development seminar (I’ll have a resource section in the back where you can check out places I recommend). I do all of the above, but my main preference is personal development seminars. Start dating again – What?! Have I gone mad? This whole book is about learning to get your friend to date you, and now I’m telling you to date other girls? Yes, I am. And I’m not just suggesting that you date one girl, I’m suggesting that you date several at once. Nothing will change your attitude about yourself and your life, and make you more appealing to women than having the experience of having several women being interested in you at the same time. Trust me on this… I was dating (and sleeping with) five women at one point in time. It seemed like the more women I dated, the more women wanted to be with me. The rich really DO get richer ☺

These are just suggestions. In the end, I recommend you do these things for yourself, not for her. It’s a lot easier to find someone who likes you for who you are than it is to become someone else’s idea of a perfect man. But if you’re committed to being with this girl, or at least giving it a shot, then these tools are your best possible chance.

Misconception #5 – If She Only Knew How Much I’m Hurting…


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There’s this idea that us guys get that goes something like this: “If she only knew how much I’m hurting, then she’d realize how much I care for her, and she’d feel the same way.” This is almost the same thing as, “If she only knew how I felt about her, she’d feel the same way.” It’s simply not true. In fact, if you go and tell her how much it’s killing you inside that she’s not with you, she’s going to feel guilty, and she start to avoid being with you, because you are a source of bad feelings for her. Deep down, we’re all a bit selfish. We want to spend time around the people who make us feel good about ourselves, and we avoid people who make us feel bad about ourselves. If you think that by telling her how much pain you’re in, she’s suddenly going to feel attracted to you, you’re wrong. She’s going to resent the fact that you’re trying to get her to “mother” you, and she’s going to resent you for the fact that you’re making her responsible for your bad feelings. And guess what… if she starts feeling bad around you consistently, she’s going to stop associating with you. I know that’s not what you want, so if you subscribe to misconception #5, you need to let it go.


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Chapter 6: Wiring Up Your Responses In Advance Why You Need To Wire Up Your Responses In Advance The last thing you want is to be caught completely off guard, and have an overly emotional reaction when you have this talk with your lady friend about how you feel. What you are essentially doing is creating an experience… a moment that she will remember. It’s up to you to be the calm leader of this experience. It’s very useful for you to have a “default response” whether things go good or bad. This way, your feelings and your sense of self-worth aren’t going to be completely dependent on how she responds. You’ll understand this better as we go through the possible responses together.

What If It Goes Well? You might be tempted to run outside and scream to the heavens and thank God for her saying yes. You might be so overjoyed that you want to pounce on top of her and get naked right then and there. Don’t do either of these. Instead, you need to think about what the next step is going to be if she agrees to give it a shot. What I suggest doing is, immediately after she says yes, just smile, gently take her hand, and kiss the top of her hand. Then reach over and give her a hug, and kiss on the cheek. It’s a good first step. You can’t just expect her to let you stick your tongue down her throat right away. It’s going to be awkward at first, and you need to get physically closer to her gradually. WARNING: One thing I caution against is discussing her rationale for saying yes. Don’t sit there with her and analyze


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why she said yes, and why you two have only remained friends all this time. She may not know why she said yes, and if you force her to come up with logical reasons, she might realize that she doesn’t have any and change her mind. Chances are, it was an emotional decision, so just let it be. Now is the time to talk less, and just be with each other.

What If It Goes Badly? If she decides that this isn’t what she wants, and that she would rather not take the relationship to a romantic level, then you need to be mentally prepared for that as well. The first thing I want to point out is that she is not wrong for saying no. She has every right to not be attracted to you in that way, so don’t go making her wrong for it. If you do, you are guaranteed to lose a friend. I suggest just letting her know that it’s perfectly okay that she doesn’t want to take it to that level, and that you just need some time apart to get your head together. Like I said in the last section, don’t ask her why. Asking her why is actually going to re-enforce her decision by forcing her to come up with reasons to back it up… and that’s the last thing you want. Also, don’t tell her that if she changes her mind, you’ll be there waiting for her. That will creep her out, and make things extremely awkward between you two from that point on. Just work out in advance how you want to respond if she says no. Maybe one thing you can do is just say, “Oh okay, well I guess that’s a relief.” This will confuse her, of course. Just explain to her that you’ve always wondered what it would be like, and you would have regretted it if you’d never brought it up to her. Tell her that you are glad that you know for sure how she feels about it, and how this conversation has saved you from living the rest of your life wondering what might have been. Reassure her that you’re still friends, and that you need some time away from her to get your head on straight, and to get back into the


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dating scene again. Isn’t it better to feel relieved than to feel bad about yourself for not being enough? The truth is, you are enough… she just wants someone different, not someone better.


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Chapter 7: How To Tell Her It Doesn’t Serve You To Build This Up To Be A Big Deal Do you remember when you were a kid, and you walked on those balance beams in gym class? If you never did that, then perhaps you can remember walking on a narrow curb or sidewalk where you had to keep your balance. You remember how easy that was, right? Well what if that balance beam was suspended by two tall buildings with nothing to catch you if you fell… could you walk across it so easily then? I’m willing to be the answer is no. Why? Because the stakes are unbelievably high when the beam is across those two buildings. If you lose your balance, you could fall to your death, and so you end up being too nervous and jittery when you try to walk across. The same thing applies to this situation with your friend. If you build this up to be some enormous big thing, then you’re going to be so nervous and scared when you talk to her, you’re going to scare her away. Relax, and realize that this is just another girl that you like. Sure, you’ve known her for a long time, and so you’ve got more invested in it. You’ve got to forget about that for now, and stop making this into such a big deal. I know it’s important to you, and that’s why you need to follow this advice now, more than ever.

Women Look To Men For Their Emotional State This is a section taken directly out of my “Makeout Mastery” eBook, because it’s extremely relevant to what we’re talking about here. [MAKEOUT MASTERY SECTION BEGINS HERE]


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One of the things that you need to realize when you’re on a date with a woman is that you, as the man, are the one who sets the emotional tone for the date. I don’t mean that to sound sexist or old fashioned, but if you asked guys who are extremely successful with women and dating… they would tell you the same thing. Are there exceptions? Yes. But they are rare, and if you run across a woman who makes is obvious that she wants to be in control, you can relax and enjoy the ride. Or just find someone who’s better suited for your dating style. Right now, I just want you to get that YOU are the one who sets the tone, and the pace of the date. Women expect you to know what you want, and to go after it without guilt, embarrassment, or apology. WARNING: This is not a permission slip to go and take advantage of women, or force yourself on them. Quite the opposite. Give women the gift of your sexual attention. Know deep in your heart that you’re about to give her something wonderful, and they will rarely give you any resistance. And if they do, just change your strategy and calibrate to the person you’re on the date with. SIDENOTE: By the way. What does it mean to set the tone of the date? It simply means that from the time you meet up, until the date ends, there should be an overall FEEL that is either constant, or gets gradually more intense as the night goes on. Let’s say you pick her up, and you walk up to her confidently and give her a hug, and kiss her hand. Then you open the door for her, and let her into your car. What you are doing here is subtly letting her know that you are comfortable being a gentleman, taking care of her, and that you are comfortable being physical with her. You should maintain that attitude with her throughout the night. If you are comfortable with it, she will be comfortable with it.


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So when I say “tone”, what I mean is the general attitude that you have, and the general attitude that you naturally expect her to have. If you’re truly comfortable with making out with her on the first date, and you genuinely don’t see anything wrong with it, she will sense that and start to feel the same way. The secret of the dancer A couple years ago I was taking a Swing Dancing lesson, and the teacher shared a secret with me that I have always remembered. She said: “On the dance floor, and in life… the woman looks to the man for her emotional state. It’s the man who sets the tone, and he should take that responsibility seriously.” Lastly, when I refer to “setting the pace”, what I mean is that you should have some idea of how FAST, and how far you are going to go with her on that date. She’ll intuitively detect how comfortable you are with being intimate. Even if she’s never been that forward with a guy on a before… when she looks to you and sees that there are no “mental roadblocks” on your side… she may just give herself to you fully, just because you communicated to her, through your words, your voice, your body language, and how you touch her… that it’s perfectly acceptable and okay. When she knows that you won’t judge her as being slutty, you will be surprised at how readily she will give herself to you. [MAKEOUT MASTERY SECTION ENDS HERE]

I put that section in here for a reason. When you have this conversation with her about becoming lovers, you need to manage your emotional state so that you’re the leader of the conversation. You need to make it clear that you’re totally comfortable with the fact that you desire her. You’re not doing anything wrong by expressing how you feel about her. You should never have to apologize for your feelings. It’s your


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behaviors that you need to account for, not your feelings. Remember what I’m saying here when it’s time to talk to her, so that when you go into the conversation, she will have a strong male to look to as a reference for how she should be feeling about this interaction.

Talk To Her Like You’re Already Lovers This is one of those little tactics that seems small at first, but could be the one thing that helps to win her over. All you need to do is change your tone of voice, and manner of speaking into a soft, overly comfortable style. Talk to her as if you were talking to someone who has loved you for years, and just doesn’t know it yet. This is similar to the sales tactic of “assuming the sale”, where you talk to the buyer as if they have already decided to buy, and that coming here to buy is just a formality. I tell you this, it’s a lot more effective than coming to her with a wimpy, apologetic tone that suggests you are unsure of yourself, and that you feel bad for even bringing this up. If you speak to her like she already cares for you, something will come through in your voice that is hard to describe, but that she will pick up on immediately. Try it with some of the other women in your life, and see how it changes they way they respond to you. SIDENOTE: I want to point something out here. I’m not suggesting that you change the actual words that you use, and say things that you would only say to a lover. I’m suggesting that you only change your tone of voice, and overall manner of speaking. Let the style of your communication flow from this intention, and watch how people respond differently. You can also use this with people you just met. Talk to people as if they are already your good friend, and watch how they respond to you differently.

The Straight Up Conversation


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Okay, so you’ve made it this far, and now you’re ready to talk to her. No tricks… just a straight up conversation to let her know where you stand, and where you want the two of you to go together. Here are some things to consider: Location I suggest you have this conversation at an informal place… someplace where you will be able to part ways in case things go badly. You also want to keep your location near one of your homes in case things go really well, and you want to go someplace more private ☺ For example, you don’t want to talk to her about this over dinner, because if she gets upset, or things get uncomfortable, you two will be stuck there until dinner is over. I suggest someplace casual like a coffee shop, or even a park. Don’t do it while you’re at your house or her house, because if she feels weird and it’s obvious that she wants you to leave, you don’t want her to feel weird and/or trapped. She needs to have the freedom to escape if she wants to. Setting The setting should be casual. It should not be anything formal at all, because then it will seem like you’re building up to something really big. You’re not asking for her hand in marriage, you’re just having a conversation, and the most important thing is that you both feel comfortable. What should you actually say? This section is particularly important, because you may not be sure what you’re actually going to say to her yet. I’m going to give you a template to follow, but I’m not going to give you a word for word script. Why? Because if you copy my words, then your message will come across as inauthentic, and the conversation will not go well. I don’t know you and your lady friend. You two have a manner of speaking to each other that I’m not familiar with. Your words should be your own, not some version of mine.


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Okay, with that said, here are the three main things you’ll want to tell her. 1. Let her know that you’ve been thinking about your friendship with her for a while, and that you want her to know that you’re glad that you two are friends. Explain that over the course of time, things have changed for you… in a good way. 2. Tell her that there are some pretty cool sides to you that she’s never gotten to see, because you only reserve that stuff for people who you’re really close to (this will let her know that there’s more to you than she’s already been exposed to). 3. Explain you’d like to share those things with her, and take things to the next level by being her boyfriend (I think it would be a good idea to take her hand and hold it while you’re telling her this part, just to add to the emotional impact). The rest, as they say, is up to you. Use this template, and form your own message. It should not be long at all. It should only take you a minute or two to tell her how you feel. You aren’t giving her a lecture, and if you get into too much detail, you will engage her logical mind (the same part of her mind that she uses to go food shopping and balance her check book). This is a conversation of the heart… not the mind. Don’t start talking about logical, left brain stuff with her. Keep it vague, and “feeling oriented”, and you will do a lot better. Honestly, what you say is far less important than how you say it. And that leads us to our next section, which is:

Hand It To Her Nice And Light. Make sure you re-read the section on psychological leaning a couple times before you talk to her. One thing that will be helpful to remember is that you’re not trying to convince her or persuade her to say yes right then and there. All you’re doing is informing her of how you feel, so that she can make a decision on her own time.


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Don’t be all heavy and emotional. If you act that way, she’s going to instantly feel awkward. Don’t believe the crap you see in the movies where the man breaks down crying and confesses how he feels. That kind of stuff will make you look like an ass in real life. Plus, you’ll only end up making her feel guilty about how sad you are, and like I said earlier, giving her bad feelings is not a good way to start things off. This is about making her feel good about the possibility of being with you. WARNING: Do NOT mention anything about the fact that the other guys she’s dated have proven to be bad for her. This is not a logical discussion, and she’s going to just think that you don’t understand her at all. Keep it nice and positive, and don’t make her wrong for anything she’s done in the past, especially her choice of men.

How To Say It Without Saying It If you’re really anxious about having a one-on-one conversation with her about this, but you still want to tell her, these three tactics will give you a way in. They allow you to convey the message, or at least get the ball rolling without having to really say much. If you find yourself stuck, give these a try.

Tactic #1 – The Secret Kiss This is another section take directly out of my “Makeout Mastery” eBook. This is one of my most practical techniques for getting physical with a woman. It’s extremely easy to do, and works almost every time. [MAKEOUT MASTERY SECTION BEGINS HERE]

Have you ever been on a date with a woman, and wondered to yourself, “How the heck do I get to that first kiss. I’m sure that after we get the first kiss out of the way, making out with her will be easy.”


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Most people wait until the end of the date to give a girl the “good night kiss”. The problem with that is you end up being nervous for the last hour of the date, because you’re worried about how the good night kiss will go (or if it will even happen at all). Your mind starts coming up with all kinds of excuses not to kiss her. 

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“But what if she doesn’t like to kiss on the first date.” “Yeah, but what if she wants to kiss me, and I get nervous and blow it. Then she’ll think I’m not interested in her.” “Should I use my tongue, or just give her a little kiss? Will she think I’m too forward, or that I’m a player?”

This kind of mind-chatter will get you nowhere. You will get much further with her if you just let her body make the decisions, not her mind. I also know what this kind of anxiety feels like. That’s why I developed a technique that makes getting the first kiss extremely easy. You have to get that she really does want to kiss you. You’re on a date with her for God’s sake! She’s not waiting for you to screw up, so she can point out what a loser you are. You have to be confident, and know that she really does want to kiss you. And that’s what you’re about to learn, so get ready… because this little technique is dynamite! I’ve used this with almost every woman I dated, and it has always worked. But before we go into the technique itself, we need to learn…


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Where You Start From Is Just As Important As Where You Finish. Here’s where most guys mess up when they move in for the kiss. They start too far back. If she sees you coming in from a distance to kiss her, she has to stand there and wait for it. During that time, she has a chance to think about whether or not she’s going to accept the kiss. This is BAD! Not because you don’t want her to have a choice in the matter, she always has a choice to say no. It’s bad because she has enough time to go back into her old mind chatter. She’ll be thinking things like, “Should I really kiss him on the first date? Will he think I’m slut?” Any kind of left brain thinking at this point is counterproductive. You want her awareness to be in her body … in the present moment. Jason King’s Personal Tip: You want her to be having the experience, not thinking about having the experience! Are you with me? You need to build a bridge so you can get close enough to her lips. That way you can surprise her with something wonderful. It will show that you have some imagination. IMPORTANT: You must give her the option of pulling back, and so do not put your arms around her when you do the Secret Kiss. Give her room to bail if it happens to be too soon for her. You never want a woman to feel pressured or trapped. One more thing before we get into the technique. RELAX. This is going to be the easiest thing you’ve ever done with a woman on a date. What you want to do here is get her comfortable with your lips touching any part of her body that she considers safe, but still Copyright 2006 – All Rights Reserved

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pleasurable. What spot are we going for? It’s about one inch in front of her ear.

Here’s How The Secret Kiss Works. It’s so simple and easy to do, that I know you’ll be able to pull this off like a champ. At a high point in the date, you simply look at her and say one of the following: “Hey… pause for 2 full seconds … Can you keep a secret… (smile while saying this)….?” “Hey…pause for 2 full seconds… you wanna know a secret about me that no one else gets to know?” Unless she’s got the personality of tree bark, she’s going to say yes, and become a little curious. Now, you just lean forward, cup your hand like you’re going to whisper something secretly into her ear, and kiss her gently for a 1-2 seconds right in front of her ear. It’s a sensitive spot, and it feels great to get kissed there. WARNING: Do not kiss her directly on the ear, or she might get freaked out. Some women really don’t like getting kissed on the ear. This is usually due to some dumb ass guy who tried to French kiss her ear when she first started dating, and caused her to make up her mind about getting kissed there again. Your attention must be on her at this point, not on yourself or how awkward or nervous you might feel. You should mentally rehearse this technique at least ten times before you go on the date. It should seem natural and light hearted. Don’t say those words and then move in as if you were going to try and pull something sneaky. Have the attitude that you are going to share something amazing with her, because you ARE. There’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing. Most guys don’t have the balls, or the


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imagination to ever pull off a little move like this. I’ve never had a woman give me a negative response. Every single one of them loved it. You see… if she gives you the signal that she liked it, you can always go forward from there, and kiss her lips. This priceless little trick has been King tested, King approved… many MANY times. Can you see me smiling? ☺ [MAKEOUT MASTERY SECTION ENDS HERE]

I inserted the section about the secret kiss, because it’s a great way for you to say what you want to say without saying a thing. If you give her a little kiss in front of her ear and hold it for a couple seconds… that will speak volumes about how you feel. It will also pull her into the moment instead of her having a conversation with herself inside her head.

Tactic #2 – Write Her A Letter Aside from writing my dating books, I’m also a professional copywriter, so I write for a living. As such, I tend to be able to express myself better in writing than by speaking directly to someone. There’s something about being able to get it all out in one place, and then let them take it all in. That seems to work better for me. Have you ever had the experience of trying to tell someone something, but you only got a few sentences in before they started arguing with you about the content of one of your sentences? You knew that if they would just shut up and let you finish, they’d get what you were trying to say. What ends up happening instead is you lose your focus and start defending a small fragment of your overall message. By putting your message in writing, she gets take in your entire message before she is able to say anything about it. That’s why whenever I have something important to talk to someone about, I write it down and send it to them, and then we talk about it afterwards. If you find yourself lost for words, give this method a try.


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Just use the template that I gave you for the verbal conversation, and put that in the form of writing. Jason King’s Personal Tip: You want to make this a little special for her, so actually mail the letter through regular snail mail. And yes, make it handwritten, unless your writing is very sloppy. Make sure you manually handwrite the address on the envelope as well. You want to make it as special as you can. People always open handwritten letters first.

Tactic #3 – Treasure Map This is a variation of the technique above. You are still going to write her a letter, but your delivery is going to be really unique. What you do is package up the letter in something waterproof like one of those disposable storage containers that you get in the grocery store, and hide it somewhere where it will be relatively convenient to find it. You could hide it outside her apartment, or behind some of the books at the local bookstore. Heck, you can even take a chance and hide it inside one of the books at the bookstore… preferably a book that’s meaningful to both of you or that you have some kind of inside joke around. The purpose of the treasure map is to make the whole process of finding your letter fun and mysterious. You can use this for any occasion, really. If once bought a girl a single red rose. To make it more special, I drew her a little treasure map, so she would have to find the rose in her bedroom. She didn’t know it was a rose ahead of time. I just told her that I got her a little something to let her know that I cared. She was completely blown away by it, and started crying. What happened next is too R-Rated for this special report ☺ Try it. It’s so much cooler than the average, boring way of delivering a letter.


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Chapter 8: Okay, You’ve Told Her. Now What? First Of All, Congratulations! So how’d it go? Good? Bad? Terrible? Wonderful? It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you told her, and now you’ve laid your cards on the table. There’s no more wondering… no more guessing. You should be proud of yourself for taking this step, and making it happen. Now let me just say a couple things.

If You Got A Positive Response If she feels the same way as you, then that’s wonderful! You should hold you head up high, and celebrate the fact that you took a risk, and you went out and took something that wasn’t readily available to you. You made it happen when it otherwise wouldn’t have. I’ve included in this package a special bonus report on how to actually start a relationship with her. Make sure you print that report out and read that as well.

If You Didn’t Get The Response You Hoped For So you told her, and it turns out that she would just rather remain your friend. That’s still okay, because now you know for sure how things really are. You are now free to move on, and be with a woman who considers you the man of her dreams. Now that’s a prize worth going for. The next thing for you to do is refer to the bonus report on how to determine if she’s right for you. It will give you a tool on how to discover what kind of woman you’re really looking for, because as we all know… you’ve got to know what your target is before you have any chance of hitting it.


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Chapter 9: If Things Didn’t Go The Way You Wanted Congratulate Yourself For Having The Guts To Risk Once again, even if things didn’t go as you’d hoped, you still did it! You went for it… you took a chance… and now the mystery is finally solved. You know where she stands, and you are free to explore all the other women in the world, some of whom would consider you to be their perfect match. Now that’s a hell of a lot more exciting than pining after someone who doesn’t feel the same way as you, isn’t it?

Not Everyone Likes Wine I went to a party recently, and the host was walking around with glasses of wine. He offered me a glass, and I politely said, “No thanks.”, because I don’t drink alcohol. Now here’s the question… does that mean that there’s something wrong with the host or his wine? Of course not. The bottom line is that not everyone likes wine. The same holds true with your friend who said that she doesn’t want a relationship with you. It’s not that you’re less than what she desires, you’re just different than what she desires.

Remember, She’s Not Doing Anything Wrong By Saying No Chances are, you’re experiencing all kinds of emotions after telling her how you feel, and her saying no… not the least of which is a feeling of rejection. You might get tempted to fall into the trap of making her wrong for her obvious bad decision. You might start blaming her for not being able to see that you’re a good guy. You might get angry and want to tell her that you’re sick


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and of seeing her date jerks. It’s very tempting, but the bottom line is this… you did not have the childhood that she had. You do not know what kind of programming her subconscious mind has, and so you don’t know what kind of guy her subconscious mind is driving her to seek out. Even if she said yes, she would not be happy being in a relationship with you. Would you sacrifice her happiness just so you could be happy? Is your definition of being happy being with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? If you start experiencing these dark emotions and thoughts, remember that she has every right to say no to you, just like you have the right to say no to any woman in the world. Like I said in the section above… not everyone likes wine. If she said no, then that’s a statement about her preferences, not about your worthiness.

You’ve Just Moved Closer To Having What You Want In A Woman There is some really good news in all of this. Now that you’ve finally discovered where she really stands in terms of a possible relationship with you, you are one step closer to meeting the woman of your dreams. Think about it, this whole experience of wanting to be with your friend has gotten in the way of you finding a woman who would be ideal for you. For more information on how to determine what kind of woman you want to be with, check the bonus report called: “How To Determine If She’s The Right Woman For You”.

Let Her Know That It’s Okay, But You Need Time Apart Just because she said that she prefers to stay friends does not mean you have to stop spending time with each other. Just explain to her


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that you understand, and that you just need some time away from her to get your head together, and get back into the dating world. WARNING: There’s one last thing I want to mention here. I know this is going to be tempting as hell, which is why I’m bringing it up. Do not, under any circumstances, try to launch a campaign to change her mind. If you do, you will instantly go from a friend who has feelings for her to a former friend who is unbelievably annoying. She will avoid you like the plague if you try to change her mind after this, so even if you think that she can be persuaded, trust me… she can’t. Respect her decision, and respect yourself enough to find someone who does want to be with you.


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Chapter 10: Five Mistakes Guys Make When Attempting To Convert A Friend Into A Lover Mistake #1 – Going After A Woman Who Has A Boyfriend Or Is Married Okay, this is a very common mistake. First of all, if you start telling your lady friend about how much of a jerk her boyfriend is, she’s going to resent you for trying to get in the way of her happiness. Even if he really is a complete dick, and treats her badly, it is not your place to try and convince her of that. It will turn you from a friend into an instant pain in the ass (in her eyes). There are so many women out there, so why would you ever want to take someone else’s woman? Sure, you can rationalize that he doesn’t deserve to be with her, but that’s up to her to decide. I’m speaking from experience here, by the way. I went after a girl who had a boyfriend, because I figured that she would eventually dump him anyway. He treated her so badly! He would insult her right in front of his friends, and make her feel bad about herself. I was sick of seeing it, so I used the skills that I teach in my Makeout Mastery course to get her into bed ☺ I have to admit, it was fun and a little satisfying to do that, because I didn’t like the way he treated her, but you know what? She stayed with him, regardless of how bad he treated her, and eventually the word got back to him. Even though I apologized to him, it left a bad burn mark on his memory for a long time, and it gave me a terrible reputation around town. So take it from me… if she’s got a man, just find someone else.

Mistake #2 – Making Her Wrong For Her Decision


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This is similar to what I said earlier about the fact that she’s not doing anything wrong by saying no to you. If you blame her for not wanting you, and start making her wrong for that, she is going to avoid you. Nobody wants to spend time around a person who makes them feel bad about themselves. It’s often much easier to just seek out a new friend who isn’t “acting all weird” around her. Let her know that it’s perfectly okay that she doesn’t want to move forward, and that you’re not upset or anything. Just tell her that you wanted to invite her to have a deeper relationship, that’s all.

Mistake #3 – Pressing Her Into A Final Decision On The Spot There’s a good chance that she’s going to tell you that she needs to think about it before she makes any kind of final decision. Part of you is going to get annoyed, because afterall… you’ve waited so long to tell her, and you want to get the final answer right then and there. If you push her into answering you on the spot, the answer will almost certainly be no. If she tells you that she needs more time to think about it, just tell her that it’s perfectly okay. One thing you might want to tell her is that it isn’t easy for you to have this conversation, and that all you ask is to let you know sometime soon. Tell her that either answer is okay with you, and that you still care about her either way.

Mistake #4 – Being Apologetic About Your Desire For Her If there’s one thing that will ensure that she won’t be attracted to you is if you are apologetic about your desire for her. Like I said in the beginning of this report, you’ve got to stand strong in your own reality.


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There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the fact that you want to be with her romantically. It’s flattering, and as long as you communicate it to her with class, she will consider it a compliment. If there’s any part of you that views her as being above you, and that you should feel guilty for having feelings towards her, then wait until you can communicate this stuff to her unapologetically.

Mistake #5 – Thinking That You Need Her To Be Happy I know that you’ve been thinking about being with her for so long that you’ve convinced yourself that you would finally be happy if you only had her in your life. The truth is, you don’t need her to be happy. She would rather be with someone who is already happy, and who wants to share his happiness with her. She doesn’t want someone who needs her to “complete him”. I’ve met a lot of guys who’s idea of getting a woman to like him is to let her see how sad he is whenever she’s around, so that she’ll feel compelled to be with him and end his pain. The only thing that’s going to accomplish is that you will be sad a lot, and she will avoid spending time with you. Think about it… who would you rather spend time with, someone who feels good about themselves when they’re around you, or someone who feels sad when they’re around you? She wants to be a positive addition to people’s lives, not someone who makes people feel badly about themselves.


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A Few Last Words I hope you’ve learned a lot in this report. Who would have guessed there was so much to know about turning your friend into your lover? If you got value out of this report, please email me and let me know about your success with this material. Did you get closer to your friend who seemed to be “ice cold” toward you when it came to romance? Did you tell her how you felt, realize that it wasn’t mutual, and then finally gained the freedom to find a woman who would be perfect for you? Tell me your story. I really do want to hear it. You can reach me at: [email protected] Make sure you’re on my email list, so I can send you all kinds of new techniques and secrets to enhance your love life. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to help you improve your life. I hope this not the end, but the beginning of our relationship. Warmly, Jason King


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Some Resources To Help You Continue Your Education Products By Jason King Makeout Mastery – The complete guide to making out with any woman on the first date. This guide will give you an entire box of tools for getting physical with any woman, regardless of how long you’ve known her. Orgasm On Command – This highly concentrated report teaches you my singles most powerful technique for making a woman consistently have an orgasm during sex. It works so well, that an old girlfriend of mine asked me to write the technique down so she could teach her fiancée! Video Dating Tips – This is a fun new website that I just created. It’s a free video newsletter where I have beautiful models answer your toughest dating questions right on camera. This one is a must see!

Products & Classes By Other Teachers Stephanie Wood’s Teleclass About Finding The Right Kind Of Exercise – I took this free class, and it was a real eye opener. You’ll learn why you’ve been resisting exercising all this time, and what you can do differently to make it work for you. Landmark Education – This is a great company for learning how to be a better person. Not only do you learn a lot, but there is a huge community of people who take Landmark’s seminars. You’ll meet more high quality people than you ever thought possible, and you might even meet someone who’d make a better relationship partner for you than your friend is.


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Friends Into Lovers

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