George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
Frame Control George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
1
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
Contents ............................................................................................................................................... 3 ................................................................................................................................................ 10 ................................................................................................................................................ 15 ........................................................................................................................................ 16 ............................................................................................................................................... 20 .................................................................................................................................. 21 ............................................................................................................................................. 23 ............................................................................................................................................. 24 ............................................................................................................................................... 27 Ultimate Goal ........................................................................................................................................... 28 ....................................................................................................................... 30 Strong Frame Ingredients ...................................................................................................................... 38 .............................................................................................................. 41 .................................................................................................................................... 50 ............................................................................................... 60 General Frame Idea Summary ............................................................................................................... 66 ............................................................................................................ 77 ........................................................................................................................................... 82 Biggest Obstacle to Positive Beliefs and Strong Frames .................................................................. 94 ............................................................................................................................................... 100 ................................................................................................................... 111 .............................................................................................................................................. 121 .................................................................................................................................................... 124
2
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
Firstly, thank you and congratulations for purchasing this course. The desire to improve ourselves is very common. Taking action to do so is not. Simply because you are reading these words now, you are part of a very elite group of people. Imagine what it will feel like when you have absolute frame control in any and all situations. Before we get into definitions of what a frame is, what the components of a strong frame are and how you can get them, consider these situations. Imagine having a conversation with a friend. You want to do something, and he or she wants to do something completely different. Maybe you're arguing over the choice of restaurant. Maybe you're arguing over vacation plans. You stop; think for a moment, your face and body language neutral. Then you look at you friend, and simply say, "I think idea X is a better choice. Why don't we do that?" Your friend looks at you, thinks about it, and agrees. No argument. No slippery language patterns. No threats or negotiations. Consider another situation. You see a person you are attracted to. You take a few moments trading flirty eye contact. You walk over, smile and introduce yourself. After 3
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
about a minute, you say something like this: "Well, I don't really have a lot of time. You seem like a very interesting person, and I'd like to get to know you. Why don't you give me your number so we can get together later?" He or she smiles as if that's EXACTLY what they wanted to hear. They can't give you their number fast enough. A third situation. You're in a tough meeting at work. Nobody knows what to do. You have an idea. While it's not foolproof by any means, you think it's better than all the ideas presented so far. You clear your throat to get everybody's attention. You slowly describe your idea while scanning the room and making eye contact with everybody. When you finish, the room is silent. Everybody else glances at each other, and then at the boss. The boss agrees it’s a good idea, and says let’s get started. One more situation. You're selling something to somebody. Maybe door to door. Maybe you've got a shop that people come into. The item or service you are selling is several thousand dollars. You finish your sales presentation and describe how this product or service is a perfect fit for your customers, based on what they've told you. Your "close" is this: "Well, I really think this is a good decision for you. Why don't you buy it right now?" 4
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
They look at each other, and give you a smile like a little kid on Christmas. Of course they'll buy it! None of these situations involve logic. None of these situations involve a straight up conscious trade of them doing something in exchange for you getting something. All of them involve you expressing your opinion. A subjective idea. A recommendation based on limited knowledge. And in every situation, they agree. Not grudgingly. Happily. They are eager to do what you've suggested. Girls or guys will happily give you their numbers. Friends will readily agree with you. Customers will happily buy from you. Family members, coworkers and others will respect and admire you. Not because of logic. Not because of any conscious proof of your ideas or suggestions. Because of your frame. What will that do you for? How will your life be better? How much better will your relationships be? How much better will your finances be? Consider these questions as you read through this course, and go through the mental and listening exercises. Frame control is very powerful. Without a strong frame, there's not a lot you can’t do. Even if you've spent years 5
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
memorizing the best language patterns, pickup lines, and sales pitches, without a strong frame, others will easily be able to find flaws in your logic and punch holes in your game. But with a strong enough frame, you will scarcely need any other language technology. Naturally, having a strong frame coupled with powerfully persuasive language technology can make you one of the most sought after people on Earth. Frame is like your underlying energy. Your underlying presence that's very hard to define, yet easy to feel. If you've got strong inner energy, then your outer "game," regardless of what you're doing, will only need to be basic. But with a weak frame, or a week sense of personal energy, any amount of outer game will fall flat. It can help to think of the relationship between frame and surface structure communication like thinking about the difference between spontaneous order, as it's described in economics, and top down management. Trying to force surface structure techniques onto a weak frame is similar to imposing draconian top down management techniques on a weak team. But a strong team, even without a leader, can perform much better than a weak team with a dominant, micro-managing leader. Another way to think of it as the frosting and the cake. If 6
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
you've got a delicious cake, you don't really need the frosting. It will be a great added effect, but if you don't have any frosting, you'll still be able to enjoy the cake. However, with a poorly made cake, too salty, or too sweet, even the best frosting won't make it palatable. Some spend their lives studying surface structure technology, without addressing the underlying frame. This is like spending all your time making the frosting, and just adding the cake as an afterthought. But humans aren't cakes. We are wonderfully complex organisms that live in a world filled with interdependent variables, feedback loops and a huge chasm between what's really going on out there, and what we think is going on. One way to create a strong frame, and have rock solid frame control is to "fake it till you make it." You may try to memorize some sales techniques or pickup techniques. You say those lines without really "feeling them." You pretend you're selling a great product that you believe in. You try your best to look calm and confident and relaxed. One out of every twenty customer buys. Keep it up long enough, and then maybe one out of every ten customers will buy. Pretty soon, after you've sold maybe ten times, you start to recall those sales while pitching the next client. Pretty soon your confidence is real. This helps you sell more. Which further builds up your confidence. 7
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
This is the strategy that most salespeople use. This is the strategy that most people use when dating and finding relationships. This is the strategy most people use for life. It works. But it has its obvious drawbacks. It takes a lot of time. It creates a lot of stress. And if you've ever tried this with any kind of sales job or in any social setting, you know that it takes tremendous amounts of will power to keep pushing through until you get to that magical tipping point, when your confidence is greater than your anxiety. If you've ever been in a commissioned sales job, you know the turnover is horrific. Most insurance companies, for example, that pay pure commissions are always hiring on an ongoing basis. They have employee trainings on a weekly basis. They hire a hundred people. Spend a week training them. Then send them out to sell. Maybe twenty of them will be there the next week. After that, maybe ten will be left. After a couple months, they've maybe kept one person from that original group. In this course, we'll be going through Frame Control step by step. We'll define it and see how it works in several situations. We'll understand what having a strong frame means, and how you can get one in the shortest possible time. When you finish this guide, you'll know exactly what to practice, 8
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
precisely how to set your mind when going into various situations, and you'll know how to change the meaning of your reality on the fly.
9
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
What is a frame? A structural frame is the most important part of the house, along with the foundation. If you have a beautiful house on a weak frame, you've got problems. With a strong frame, you can change the exterior of your house as often as you want. A beautiful frame around a picture is enough to make even a bland picture sparkle. A plain, stained wooden frame around even a Van Gogh may make it look questionable. Like maybe it’s a fake. When we speak of a "frame" in human interactions, we refer to the meaning of the interaction. It's the definition of what is actually going on. When politicians run into trouble, the first thing they ask is "How are we going to frame this?" The frame of any event, as it is happening is very slippery and very open to interpretation. If you see a man walk into a store with a gun, and a ski mask on his head, you may frame this scenario as a criminal committing a crime. A reporter who happened to be in the area may frame this same scenario as her lucky break, since news has been slow lately, and she happens to be wearing a hidden camera on her lapel. The person being robbed may be terrified, and see this as a horrible emotional event from which they may never 10
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
recover. The guy holding the gun may think this event is him doing his best to get money to feed his family, which has 24 hours to come up with the rent money before they all get kicked out on the street. A local politician may frame this as a reason to increase the police budget. All of these people are correct. So our first definition of a "frame" is any meaning that can be given to a specific situation, based on a subjective viewpoint of that situation. Frame Definition The Frame of any situation is the subjective meaning of that situation. Now, obviously there are going to be many different frames for any given situation. There can be several, co-existing frames to describe the same situation. The person who got robbed will, of course, forever see this in her own subjective terms, since she was at the center of the action. But even then her frame, or her meaning of those events, will change over time. The first few weeks after the robbery, she'll define it like 11
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
she originally expected. A harrowing and emotionally traumatizing event. But as the years go by, it could very well change into several different meanings. If she seeks grief counseling, and ends up meeting her husband, it could be described as a great event. On the other hand, she could develop horrible social phobia, and end up on welfare. How about the robber? At first, his definition was him supporting his family. But chances are he'll later describe that event as a horrible mistake that sent him to prison. How about the reporter? Maybe she was right, and she got the story of the year. Maybe it helped launch her career. How about the politician? Perhaps he was successful in increasing the city's budget, which added more policemen to the force. And this ended up saving lives. This helped him get reelected, so the politician agrees this was a great event. This one event, a robbery, could easily be a great event for three people, and a terrible event for one man and his family. In above case, every person involved with the event, and their subsequent description of the event (the Frame) all had it fall in their lap. It was not something they were planning. It just happened. Only the robber planned for it to happen, and it went completely opposite of what he wanted to have happen. 12
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
This example illustrates some important points. One is that you can define events that are either planned, or unplanned. Your ability to create and hold a certain frame of an event is independent of the source of the event. Let's take a look at the woman who was robbed. Let's imagine she is a very strong woman. She was shaken for a bit, but she refused to be a victim. She learned martial arts. She went to grief counseling. She read books on self-confidence. She used the event to spark a positive change in herself. The event wasn't planned by her, but she decided to give in a positive meaning. She chose consciously to hold a positive, resourceful frame around a potentially lethal event that she didn't plan. This first lesson is crucial to understand. Whether you walk through life planning every step, with tons of short term and long term goals, or whether you simply wander the Earth seeking adventure, having a the ability to frame events according to your choice is an incredibly resourceful skill to have. Burn this into your brain. If you choose the frame, you win, no matter what happens. If you let somebody else choose the frame, you are at their mercy. The woman above didn't choose the event, but she chose the frame. The robber chose the event, but his frame was overwhelmed by those around him. 13
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
In the above case, (which is purely fiction) simply because the victim of an armed robbery had a stronger "frame setting skill" than the criminal, she won, and the criminal lost.
14
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
Your ability to control the frame, to set the meaning of any event is independent of how that event came to pass. Strong Frame Control will help you regardless of whether you plan the events, somebody else plans them, or they happen randomly. This also helps us to set up definition two. The meaning of Frame Control. Frame Control Definition Frame Control is the ability to set the meaning of any situation to your own benefit.
15
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
Let's review what we've discovered so far. One is the frame of any situation is simply the meaning given to a situation. We know this is subjective. We know that events that happen can have many subjective meanings. We also know that frame control refers to your ability to give meaning to a situation, at will, so that situation will end up as a net benefit, to you, on a subjective level. We also know that the ability to control the frame is independent of the initiation or cause of the event. You can plan it, somebody else can plan it, or it can simply happen randomly. Now we're ready to understand specifically how you can develop the skill to control the frame in any situation. There are two types of Frame Control that we'll be looking at. One is to control the frame based on a predetermined outcome, another is to control the frame toward a yet to be discovered outcome. Bad things happen to people all the time. Some respond with strength of character and incredible resilience. Others collapse into themselves and never recover. Consider the previous story, specifically the woman who was robbed. She didn't plan on being robbed, nor did she set out that particular day to find a husband. Yet her resilience to hold up after the robbery led to her eventually meet her husband. 16
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
This is a case of controlling the frame to achieve a beneficial outcome that is not yet determined. This is when something seemingly "bad" happens, and you get to work to find the silver lining. With this frame of mind, anything can be an opportunity. Anything can lead to a fantastic relationship, a pile of riches, or a lifelong dream job. This is what people typically think of when they think of Frame Control. Responding to things, good or bad, and turning them into good things. This is the heart of the saying, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." This is an incredible skill to have. If you have only this skill, the resilience to turn any situation, good or bad, into an opportunity from which you will benefit, you’ll be able to achieve more than 99% of the population. You'll be able to leave your home, wander the Earth in search of adventure, and improve yourself no matter what happens. History is filled with people who found themselves in horrible positions only to turn them around into astounding victories. Nelson Mandela rotting away in prison for many years only to become a world recognized hero and political leader. Victor Frankl being sent to a concentration camp in Nazi Germany only to turn that experience into a wonderful book that has helped millions. The list goes on and on. No matter what happens to you, you can easily turn it into a fantastic outcome. 17
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
But that is just scratching the surface. True Frame Control, that will give you a massive advantage over any person and any situation, is when you combine the skill to define the meaning of any particular situation with a preset goal or collection of goals. Consider the newspaper reporter. She definitely set out that particular day in search of a story. In fact, her eyes were likely peeled every single minute, scanning her environment for anything that could be newsworthy. Compare her to somebody who goes about their daily routine. They wake up, go to work, go home, watch some TV and then fall asleep. When they are out in public, they are sleep walking. Their minds are turned off. They have no filters that are sorting for opportunities. When they go out into the world, their main goal is to encounter the least amount of trouble possible. But not that news reporter. She looks through a special filter of her own creation. She is always on the lookout for something interesting. Something dangerous. Something scandalous. So when she saw something that might be a robbery, she sprang into action. She had a preset filter, she had a strong goal in mind, and she pounced on that opportunity before anybody else likely noticed what was going on. By now you're likely starting to realize something. It is entirely possible (but not required) that one person's success is dependent on another person's demise. This is simply the way the world works sometimes. The reporter 18
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
was looking for news. News that sells is almost always bad. When bad things happen, there is invariably fallout. The robber’s family is now without a breadwinner. Many people wouldn't have been able to recover from a robbery like our fictional woman did. In a sense, a newspaper reporter, with a strong outcome, and strong frame control, benefited at the potential expense of others. Which brings us to our second lesson.
19
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
The benefit you derive from any situation, based on your ability to control the frame, is independent of the benefit or loss of any other participants.
20
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
Ideally, we'd want to choose a frame that benefits us as well as others. Our second choice would be to benefit ourselves without causing any harm to others. The third choice, benefiting ourselves at the expense of others, should not be done lightly, and only as a last result. One of the reasons many people don't like reporters is that they tend to benefit at the expense of others. They tend to swarm to horrible events. Their very salary depends on it. They talk to people when they are at the lowest point of their lives. When things happen, they are going to affect everybody in the vicinity. In this situation, it's every person for themselves. You’re not responsible for taking care of strangers, unless you are already taken care of yourself. In these situations, creating and holding a strong frame is your first priority. The better you are at creating and holding a frame, the more adept you'll be at turning every situation into a win-win situation where everybody benefits. It's quite common for people who resort to very negative tactics in order to protect their own frame. It's important to understand those particular tactics are defensive. Generally speaking, their first instinct is to protect their frame. Their behavior is a means to an end, which is their own self-protection. It's only because they are limited in skills do they hurt others in the process. To them, often 21
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
times on a subconscious level, their hurting of others is collateral damage that simply can't be avoided. Everybody's prime directive, on a deep level, is safety. If something happens, and you interpret that as being dangerous to your safety, you will lash out to protect yourself. This is true for physical safety as well as ego safety. Many times people behave badly because their interpretation of the event leads them to think their ego is in danger. So they behave by lashing out at others in an attempt to protect their ego. Which brings us to our third lesson.
22
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
Whether a danger is real or imagined, we will respond as if were real.
23
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
Now we're getting into the good stuff. It's fine to walk the Earth and turn mishaps into opportunities. But we don't want to wait around for stuff to happen. We want to make things happen. We want to make things happen that will benefit us and ideally everybody else. Let's take a moment and talk about win-win outcomes. This sounds like an overused sales strategy. But consider this. Let's say you meet a stranger. Socially, professionally, however you'd like to imagine it. You have an outcome. You interact with them in order to get your outcome. Because of your strong Frame Control, the meaning of the interaction with that person, you achieve your outcome. The meaning of the conversation, the interaction, is a situation that will help you get that outcome. When you buy something, the money in your hand is a means to an end. The meaning of that money is something that will be traded for what you want. When you see a bridge across a river, the meaning of that bridge is clear. A tool to use to help you get to the other side without getting wet. When you see some food, and you're hungry, the meaning is clear; it is a tool to help you eliminate your hunger, as well as feel the pleasure of eating.
24
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
When you see that stranger we mentioned above, the structure is the same. That person, or that conversation you are about to have with that person, is a tool to help you get what you want. Now, back to the win-win analogy. If you get what you want, and in the process, the other person also gets what they want, guess what? They will also see you, or an interaction with you, as a tool to help them get what they want. Whenever humans interact with the world, in any way, to get our needs met, and we DO get our needs met, we will repeat the process. Humans are hard wired to repeat any process that works. So when you interact with others in a way where you both get what you want, they will want to interact with you again. They will enjoy your company. They will see you as charismatic and magnetic. They will think about you when you're not around. They won't be focused on you getting what you want; they'll be focused on them getting what they want. And anybody who experiences a kind stranger that comes out of the blue to help them get what they want will remember that person. Usually for a long, long time. So consider establishing a win-win strategy of all your interactions. Now, this is a somewhat simple example. Rarely do people behave like this. Whenever we interact with somebody, they've got their own intentions and outcomes. They've got their own skill level of controlling the frame, whether 25
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
they know it consciously or not. Which brings us to our next lesson.
26
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
Whoever has the strongest frame, or the strongest ability to control the frame, will "win" the interaction.
27
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
Ultimate Goal This is our goal here. To understand what a frame is. To understand what frame control means. And to learn how to control the frame during interactions with others. As touched on above, if you can control the frame while you interact with others, so that both parties end up better off, people will literally follow you to the ends of the Earth. Now, let's consider a different in meanings of individual frames, and how they differ from the strengths of the individual frames. We'll see these are also independent. Consider the robber. His outcome was to get money to pay his rent. That was the meaning of his interaction with the store clerk. "This interaction means I'll be able to pay the rent." Consider the reporter. Her outcome was to get a news story. The meaning of the event, her frame, was that the event was something people would want to know about, and she would be recognized for telling them. "This interaction means I'm going to noticed by my boss, and boost my career." Two completely different meanings of the same event. One meaning turned out correct, one meaning didn't. The reason they ended up differently is dependent on the STRENGHT of each individual meaning. The reporter was locked and loaded, she was ready with her camera and any other recording devices. She had a job at a news service. 28
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
She had a degree in journalism. She was specifically looking for stories. She had been looking for stories for a long time. She had developed a skill for looking for stories and turning them into news. The robber was different. This was likely his first attempt. He didn't have any experience. He had likely never shot anybody either. He was desperate. He was hoping rather than planning. Perhaps even, on a subconscious level, he wanted to get caught. Once in prison, the burden of paying rent would be lifted. Perhaps him being in prison would make it easier on his family to receive living assistance. The takeaway is that the strength of his meaning was weak. He was hoping, rather than planning, and incongruent. Her meaning was strong. She was practiced, skilled, and congruent. Every part of her wanted that story. Now the billion dollar question. The very reason you bought this course. How do you increase the strength of your frame? There are many ways that you are about to learn.
29
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
Before we begin to discuss how to increase your ability to control the frame in almost any situation, we'll need to understand the basic psychological constructs of a strong frame. Just like making a cake, we've first got to understand what goes in it. Flour, sugar, eggs, milk, butter. Once we understand how we can put together a cake, we can then start to make our cake better and better, by adding in not only different ingredients, but also higher quality ingredients. When you combine the right, high quality ingredients, mixed in the right proportion, you can have a pretty good cake. When you build your frame with the right high quality ingredients, you'll have a pretty strong frame. As its basic element, the number one skill to be able to create a strong frame is the ability to give meaning to an event. The more choices you have when giving meaning to an event, the more choices you'll have with the type of frame you'll be constructing. Imagine this situation. You are walking down the street, and you see an attractive person. You make brief eye contact at them, and smile. They don't move a muscle. They are looking right at you, so you know they saw you. But they don't smile, they don't frown, they completely disregard you. 30
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
What does this mean? It could mean that they hate your guts and want to stick an ice pick in your eye socket at the first opportunity. It could mean they are on their way to a life or death meeting with a judge. It could mean they are going to tell their husband or wife they want a divorce. It could mean they have horrible diarrhea and they are on the verge of losing it right there on the street. Or it could mean you are the person of their dreams, and they are petrified in fear. How about this situation. You are sitting on your couch, at home watching TV. There is a knock at the door. The knock is pretty loud, and pretty regular. Mechanical even. What does this mean? It could mean the police have come to haul you away. It could mean your best friend has a great discovery and can't wait to show you. It could mean some really rich guy has crashed into your parked car and is ready to hand you a sack of cash to compensate for it. One more. It's Friday, and you're at work. One hour before quitting time. You hear your boss bellow at you from his corner office. "Johnson! Get in my office at once!" Since your name is Johnson, this means you. What does this mean? You are about to get fired? Something horrible has happened and your boss thinks you are the only one who can fix it? Here's a true story. I had that happen to me. I was downstairs at my desk. My boss called me. "Get up here now," he said, in a not too friendly voice. In the minute it 31
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
took me to get up there, I was racking my brain trying to figure out what the problem was. As soon as I walked in his office, he stood up, not even giving me a chance to sit down. "Follow me," he said, without even making eye contact. He went off to HIS boss’s office, without even looking back. Trailing behind, I started to try and remember the last time I updated my resume. We walked in his boss’s office, and we all sat down. My boss told me what a great job I'd been doing, and handed me a completely unexpected bonus check for $2,000. Here are some "truths" about human nature. What we are most afraid of usually doesn't happen. Whenever we are facing a rough situation, it's usually not nearly as rough as we think it is. Here's something else to consider. Our brains are hard wired to be much more sensitive to danger than pleasure. Otherwise we would have died out a long time ago. Now, let's consider that "reality" is neutral. And let's say that when you think something is going to be bad, and it turns out not so bad, that means we "undershoot" reality. Unless we take steps to counter this natural effect, whenever something happens, and we don't have time to evaluate the situation logically, we will almost ALWAYS undershoot "reality." Meaning we will tend to image things as worse than they are. 32
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
There are two crucial points to consider here. One is that our "go to" meaning in any situation will generally be worse than it really is. Two, which follows from one, is that our "meaning" of any event is usually wrong. That person you saw on the street doesn't want to kill you or doesn't hate you. That person knocking at your door is not the cops or the IRS. When the boss calls you to his or her office, it's probably not to fire you or reprimand you. I know what you're thinking. Your boss only talks to you when they are angry. People on the street really do have ice picks hidden in their purses or back pockets. But consider this. We humans are always on the lookout for danger. When we see an unfamiliar situation, we quickly recall anything from our past that may indicate we are in trouble. Most of us have been yelled at by our boss at one point (or our parents or teachers of whom our bosses subconsciously remind us of). Most of us have been told to take a hike, in not so friendly words, by a member of the opposite sex. So left to its own devices, our brains WILL conjure up some 33
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
pretty scary things from our past, when deciding how to "frame" any event that happens in the world. Unless you go into a situation where you have a lot of recent success, you'll naturally be a bit on the defensive side. A robbery is a terrible thing. Only after the fact can the shopkeeper from our previous example turn it around. The robber framed the meaning before he went in. The reporter had a semi-frame set up (looking for news) before it happened. This gives us a clue as to how to build a frame. First Method to Create a Frame Plan the event or situation that you are giving meaning to. Second Method to Create a Frame Have a pre-made, "flexible frame" that you can apply, on the fly, in various situations. So, we've got two ways to create or establish a frame. To create or establish the meaning of any given situation. Both can be weak, or both can be strong. The robber initiated the robbery, so he had his frame set before he went in. But his frame was weak, because his frame of "this event means I can pay the rent" quickly was overpowered by an external source, into the frame of "this event means I am going to jail." Although the robber went into the event with a pre-defined 34
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
frame, it wasn't strong. Let's explore some ideas why it wasn't strong. No Experience The robber went into a situation where he had little or no experience. He didn't know what to expect. Improper Time Frame His frame was only true for that short time when he was in the store, with the gun. Had he had a frame of "this incident means I will pay the rent without going to jail," he may have had a better chance. Discounting the Frames of Others - Negative Social Proof He may have thought about the frame of the shop keeper, but that's about it. He likely didn't consider the police, the politicians, or even the reporter. He didn't have a plan how he would deal with those frames, when they came up. Pretty much everybody except him had a different meaning for that event. Discounting the Negative Impact on Others When we benefit at the expense of others, it's very dangerous. They may not respond right away, but they may scheme and plan and figure out a way to "get back at us." Perhaps the local police frequent that shop and know the shopkeeper on a first name basis. Perhaps the shopkeeper or store owner is an established member of the 35
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
community. The robber inadvertently set up a situation where many people took on the frame, "This incident means we are responsible for finding who did this." Negative Beliefs about the Frame It's likely that the robber was worried about getting caught. Few people feel comfortable and confident when committing armed robbery. And the robber likely acknowledged to himself that he was causing harm to others. The reporter, on the other hand had a strong frame that held. Let's explore why. Experience with That Same Frame She likely had a lot of experience looking for news. She is likely efficient in taking names, having good communication skills when interviewing people. She has experience with what makes news, and what doesn't. Congruent With Other Frames - Positive Social Proof Her frame that the meaning of the incident is a big news story, was likely supported by her colleagues, and by the public at large. Her frame had social proof. Little Negative Impact on Others Reporting a news story on a robbery won't likely create any negative impact on anybody. On the contrary, talking about a robbery will likely bring sympathy to the victim, which may later help them overcome the event and put 36
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
their own positive frame on it. Positive Beliefs about Frame The reporter likely believed she was doing a morally upright duty of reporting a crime. So she wasn't conflicted in the least about her meaning of the situation.
37
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
Strong Frame Ingredients Now we're ready to determine the basic ingredients of a strong frame that will likely hold any attempt to shake it or weaken it. Keep in mind that seldom are all of these ingredients necessary, and all ingredients are on a stronger-weaker scale. Having one or two of them in abundance is usually enough to have a strong, unbreakable frame. Keep in mind that these are only how to HOLD a frame. More later on how to CREATE a frame. Social Proof Having a frame that is consistent with the frame of others will help a great deal. If you are a world famous comedian, for example, standing up on stage will be a lot easier to tell jokes. You've got the frame that "the meaning of this is me telling jokes to people," while all the people in the audience will be holding the same frame, "the meaning of this event is for him to tell jokes to us." On the other hand, if you stand on a street corner yelling out one-liners, you may hold that frame, but others may think you are some crazy homeless person trying to collect some money for your next bottle of whiskey. Experience It's much easier to hold a frame that you've successfully held before without any trouble.
38
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
Belief Having positive beliefs about yourself, and your capabilities will help a great deal. If you've never given a speech before, and you aren't sure if you can, your frame may quickly switch from "I'm giving a great speech that will impress everybody" to "I’m going to get through this without fainting," rather quickly. Strong Goals If you are committed to getting something, you won't likely be dissuaded. If you are hungry, and you've got enough money, going "downtown" may mean "getting something to eat" regardless of what happens. It may take a while, but with a strong goal to eat, you won't likely be persuaded by anybody or any event to NOT eat. Weak Opposition Most of our frames will be countered by the frames of others. And if our frames have different meanings about the same event, the person who has the strongest frame, or the strongest belief of what is happening, will usually end up defining the event, and having that definition, or frame, accepted as valid by the other person. So if you come up against somebody with a weaker frame, it will naturally be easier to hold your own frame. Resilience Now, this may seem self-evident, and in many cases part of the same thing, but it bears attention on its own. 39
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
Resilience is simply not giving up. You can have a resilient personality, or you can have resilience as it affects a current pursuit. You can have short term resilience, or you can have long term resilience. Resilience is also related to how much responsibility you're willing to take in any given situation, or how much you are dependent on others.
40
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
If those are the skills to hold a frame, what are the skills to create a frame? Let's explore some of them. Before we do, let's review that old story that's been told for my purposes. Once there was a farmer, with two sons. One day, one of his sons came back with a wild horse he'd found. "Wow, you're so lucky!" Said his neighbors. "Maybe," Said the farmer. The next day, his son was taming and training the horse, when he fell and broke his arm, which meant he wouldn't be able to help with the farming. "Wow, that's unlucky!" said the neighbors. "Maybe," said the farmer. Then the next day the military came, because there was war coming. They took his one son, but not the other, because of his broken arm. Everybody died in the war. "Wow, that's lucky for your son," said his neighbors. "Maybe," said the farmer. This illustrates two very important points. One is that anything can have any number of meanings, depending on the circumstances. Another is that we don't ever have to define the meaning of events, or the frame, ourselves. In the story above, the farmer simply waited for events to define whether the situation was eventually good or bad. Many people go their whole lives at the mercy of others. They let others define all the situations. They live their lives 41
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
according to frames set by others. How is this possible? There are two levels of frame control. One is based on our instincts, and the other is based on our conscious minds. We all need food, shelter, and hopefully companionship and sexual intimacy, and basic resources. So long as we are getting those things, many of us are happy. So when our boss comes in and yells at us, and tells us exactly what to do, and how to do it, we put up with it because we are getting our needs met. We are allowing our unconscious instincts to set the frame. "Sitting here passively, getting yelled at by my boss means I can continue to get paid." In truth, you can always resort to your instinctive programming to get the "upper hand." So long as you've got a roof over your head and three meals a day, and some basic companionship, (all of which is provided in most prisons) you can convince yourself that you are setting the frame. "So long as I do what they tell me, and stay out of trouble, this means I get to eat and stay out of the elements, and talk to some other people on a regular basis." This shows us that even in prison, we can choose a frame that lets us feel in control. Humans are incredibly flexible in our thinking. 42
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
It's also very common to have several unmet needs, from several different levels at once. Safety is most important. Eating and drinking is likely next. After that would be human companionship, after that perhaps sexual intimacy. After that are "higher" values like personal expression, creation, and self-actualization, etc. We are always moving up and down these levels or hierarchies. If we can't get what we want on some level, we move down, and then redefine whatever situation we're in. Here's a common example. A group of guys goes out to have some fun and meet some girls. Their first intention for that evening is to collect phone numbers. The first guy approaches a girl, and gets shot down. In fact, he gets shot down with so much embarrassment and social shame (real or imagined) he decides he no longer is interested in talking to girls that evening, and neither are his buddies. But in order to save their egos, they convince themselves that they didn't REALLY want to pick up girls, they just wanted to interact with them. What they REALLY wanted was to have fun with their friends in some interesting social environment. They had a frame set based on an intention, or outcome. The intention was to meet girls. So their frame, or the meaning of that evening was, "Going to this bar means we are going to meet some girls." 43
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
Since that didn't work out, they lowered their expectations, a very common thing to do, and redefined their frame to "go out and have some fun with the boys." This example shows how easily one can be "out-framed" by the environment. It's also very common for two people to have separate outcomes, interact with each other, and both of them convince themselves that they've "out-framed" the other person. But in reality, one person has held their frame, while the other person has re-defined their frame in acknowledgement of the frame "winner." How to Build a Frame The simplest way to build a frame is to simply choose an outcome. Think of what you want before going into a situation. Alternatively, you can set up several outcomes you are pursuing in your life, and simply keep these in mind, and always be sorting the reality around you for opportunities to get closer to your outcome. This is the advantage the reporter had in our earlier story. She had one of her main life outcomes, in the near term at least, to find newsworthy stories. She was hypersensitive to anything around her that could turn into a story. The sad truth about most people is they don't have well-chosen goals, or any goals. Without any goals, you will likely revert to your pre-programmed goals or needs. 44
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
Food, safety, shelter, resources to survive. More often than not, people lower their frame to an ego-protection, or an ego-maximization level. They walk into a situation without really having a solid outcome, so their ego-maximization frame will kick in. If they run into trouble, they will lower their frame settings to an ego-protection level. What Is The Ego? The ego is merely a holdover from our evolutionary upbringing. For the vast majority of human history, we lived as hunter-gathers in small bands of 200-300 people. Our lives were largely guided by instincts. Toward food, away from danger, towards committed sexual relationships. Often overlooked is the instinct for social safety. In a small band of people, the worst thing that could happen to anybody was getting kicked out of the tribe. To keep this from happening, early humans developed a hyper sensitivity to the opinions of others. If you had a good reputation, it was easier to get along with everybody and get your needs met. If you had a bad reputation, it was very difficult. Because early humans spent their entire lives with the same few hundred people, their opinions were absolutely crucial. In modern life, it's not so crucial, but it is still very powerful on an instinctive level. If you haven't taken the time to set 45
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
and get clear on the goals you are creating, either in life or in a situation, you'll likely resort to ego level frame setting. Imagine a small boat, going across the ocean. First, let's consider situation number one. There's land about ten miles off. You know on this land is a warm house, with a hot meal, your favorite drink and your lady or man waiting for you in a warm bed. This house is marked by a large lighthouse. So long as you focus on the lighthouse, you'll know which direction to go. Even if there is a strong current, or strong waves, or even a thunderstorm, so long as you focus on where you're going, it will be easy. No matter how much the waves or the current or the wind knock you off course, you can easily change direction so you're back on course. This is what it's like to be in a conversation or situation where somebody is trying to outframe you. Because you've got a clear intention of where you're heading, either in that conversation or in life, no matter what happens, you'll be able to steer back on course. The strong the idea is in your mind of what you want, the easier it will be to stay on course. Now let's look at another situation. Same boat, same circumstances, only they can't see the shore. They know it's there somewhere, but they have no idea. Every time the wind pushes them, they become more lost and distraught. Every time the current pulls them they become more desperate. Every time the waves crash against the side of the boat, they start to panic a little more. 46
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
This is what happens when you have a vague idea of what you want, but you aren't sure what or where it is. This is very common when we hope to get something, rather than plan on getting something. We know there is something good out there somewhere, but we just kind of bounce along hoping to come across it by pure luck. Let's take a look at a third situation. The boat is now in the middle of the ocean. Same current, same storm, same waves. Only now the captain and the crew give up trying. They simply try to hang on at all costs, and hope they don't get killed. This is what happens when we have zero idea of what we want, and quickly resort to our instinctive frame of safety and protection. The good news is that by taking some time to choose some solid goals, and spend some time building those goals up in your mind, you'll start to see the world through a new filter. If you don't have any goals, then the world is seen through your pre-programmed filters, which is only concerned with safety, resources, and hopefully companionship and hopefully sexual expression. Your brain automatically picks out things that are dangerous, and things that might get you some good stuff. But when you program your mind with specific goals and ideas of what you want out of life, you'll start seeing the world in a different way. You'll start to see many situations 47
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
where you can leverage it to your benefit as well as the benefit of everybody else involved. When you have long term goals, creating short term outcomes in various situations is much, much easier. Let's consider two separate people going to a local networking meeting of independent entrepreneurs. Our first person goes and doesn't really have any idea of what kind of business he'd like to start, only that he's tired of his nine to five. So he goes to this networking meeting hoping to get some ideas, maybe meet some people who'll mentor him, and show him how to ease out of the nine to five life. He saw this advertised in a local newspaper, and he decided to go at the last minute. His frame for this situation is "I want to meet somebody who'll teach me how to start my own business." So he goes there, and is a bit nervous. He's not sure what to say, or how to start a conversation. People walk up and introduce themselves, and ask him what kind of business he's in. He says he isn't sure, and becomes uncomfortable. He tries talking to a few other people, but the conversations don't really go anywhere. He goes home dejected. His frame didn't hold. He was inexperienced, and he was outframed by the situation. Our second person also saw the ad in the local paper, and also decided to go at the last minute. But she's been doing 48
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
graphic design on her own for a couple of years. She's got a nice portfolio, and a nice set of clients. She sees the ad, and thinks that would be a great opportunity to meet some new potential clients. Her frame is "This is an opportunity for me to hand out business cards and attract new customers." So she goes there, and eagerly introduces herself. She asks about the other peoples' business first, so she can get a feeling of whether or not they might need a graphic artist. Because she's been in the business for a couple of years, she's got several different portfolios for several different businesses on her web site. She's also had plenty of experience talking to potential customers. She's not nervous, and she ends up handing out fifteen business cards to pre-qualified entrepreneurs. She sees the world through a different frame, because she's got a solid goal. To build a thriving graphic design business. Perhaps she's not making nearly as much income as she'd like to, so in her mind, her goal is still a year or two off. With this "not-yet-achieved" but definite goal strongly in her mind, it's much, much easier for her to hold the frame that she set.
49
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
As with most things in life, there are usually two extremes. You can have your life planned down to the minutest detail, or you can live freely, going day by day without thinking of the future. You can spend every waking minute exercising your body, counting every single calorie and its makeup, spending hours at the gym, never ever cheating, or you could simply park yourself on the sofa and eat until you get too fat to leave the house. You can live your life going from shallow relationship to shallow relationship, having sex with anybody that has a pulse, or you can never ever interact socially with anybody, except through the Internet. In all of these situations, either extreme is unhealthy and ill advised. The "magic middle" is always where you will find the best results. Exercising enough to stay in shape, but not so much you can't enjoy the occasional six pack and pizza. Dating the field, and finding out what's important to you before settling on "The One." Having plans in life, but always having flexibility. As Mike Tyson, the famous boxer, famously said, "Everybody has a plan, until get punched in the face." The ideal goal with unbreakable Frame Control is to have a set of goals that you are always in the process of creating, while at the same time being flexible enough to bob and 50
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
weave as the world tries to punch you in the face. To paraphrase Rocky Balboa, "The secret is not to avoid getting punched, it's to get punched and be able to keep coming back." There are two kinds of flexibility to consider when building frame control. Operational Flexibility This is when you go into a situation that has a definite time frame, and you have a definite goal. If you get your goal, then you've held the frame above all else. Maybe you are going into a social environment and your goal is to get a phone number. So the meaning, or frame, of every interaction is "I'm going to steer this conversation toward me asking for a phone number." You may see the broader time as a collection of smaller frames of "asking for the phone number" to add up to "getting the phone number." However, some people may sense you are "warming them up" to ask for the number and try to take control of the frame. They may try to push you off balance by insulting you. They may mention a few times obliquely that they aren't interested in meeting somebody. Operational flexibility means you take every "objection" they give, and simply overcome it. If they say, "I've got a boyfriend," you say, "That's great, because I wanted to meet somebody who wasn't interested in a relationship, why don't you give me your 51
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
phone number?" You move within the conversation, within the interaction, and always maintain frame dominance. You hold to your intention, your meaning of the interaction, regardless of what happens. We'll cover more specifics on how to do this in a later section. For now, simply understand that this is one level of flexibility. Time Frame Flexibility This is when you expand the horizon of your intention. This may involve changing your frame, so it's important that you don't change it in downward method like we mentioned below. For example, if you walked into a nightclub hoping to get a phone number, and you asked three or four people and got rejected, you may downgrade your frame from "getting a phone number" to "having fun with my friends." This is common and unhelpful. What may be a better option is to simply expand your time frame. For example, let's say your intention was to get a phone number that evening. You spend five hours talking to hundreds of people, and you still don't have anybody's number. Instead of giving up, simply consider expanding your frame from "this evening" to "this weekend." If you find yourself consistently expanding the time frame of your intentions, it may be helpful to consider setting the 52
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
intention to one of several building blocks leading up to the original intention. For example, if you wanted a phone number, but find yourself needing more time than expected to get it, you may change the frame to "meeting interesting people and exchanging names." This is very easy to do when you've got an overarching romantic or relationship based goal. This makes it much less likely you will downgrade to a less helpful frame. Consider somebody who doesn't have any specific relationship goals. They simply want sex with somebody. They talk to a few people, get rejected. Since they don't have any specific goals other than a sexual encounter, it's easy to feel dejected. Since the sexual desire is not consciously chosen, not satisfying it will feel bad emotionally. But if you have a fairly specific idea of what kind of relationship you'd like, and a pretty good idea of the type of person you'd like it with, it can be easy to re-construct frames on the fly, so long as you are continuing to move toward your overarching goal. This may sound like a lot of redundancy, but please don't underestimate our human ability to deceive ourselves. We often paint a picture in our minds not of what really happened, but events that we re-remember in order to protect our ego. It's easy to set off to meet new people, only to not meet 53
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
anybody and then change the frame retroactively to "I only wanted to have fun with my friends anyway." While this will protect the ego, it won't lead to any skills of creating and holding frames. This is, however, a great skill to have. Often times we ARE in situations where we have little or no control. While we don't have to passively accept them, we CAN frame the situation to our benefit. This is much easier when we can frame them to our benefit in the context of a much larger goal, and a much larger frame of our lives. Congruent With Instincts A frame that is congruent with your instinctive frame is going to be much easier to define, and to hold. Consider the common human desire for sex. If you only tried to have sex, without having any specific criteria, it will be hard to set and hold a frame. But when you create a consciously chosen goal, with the instinctive desire as its driving force, it will be much, much easier. Taking whatever goals you have, and determining how to align them with your instinctive desires will be very beneficial. To that end, let's discuss our basic human needs and desires. Food All of us have an obvious need for food. However, using an undefined instinctive desire to drive you may lead to 54
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
trouble. Consider choosing what kind of food you are going to specifically eat on a daily basis, based on the kind of health you'd like to enjoy. Somebody who wants to "stay healthy" without really knowing how will be less likely to hold their frame in the face of temptation. Somebody who has studied various eating habits and systems will find it easier when they consciously choose to adopt the "paleo diet" for example. Social Acceptance All of us crave to be accepted by our peers, and we fear rejection from our peers more than most of us realize. This is based on our evolutionary programming, and it won't ever go away. But when you choose a specific way that you'd like to be accepted, it will be easier to hold the frame in certain situations. For example, you may set an intention of being accepted by your colleagues at work based only on your work performance. You may set an intention to be accepted by strangers on the street only in certain contexts. For example, you may set an intention to be accepted while making small talk, or interacting on a superficial level. Setting up specific situations and conditions under which you expect to be accepted will make it much easier to hold a frame in social situations. If you simply hold the frame of "being accepted by everybody everywhere," it will be hard to hold in certain situations.
55
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
For example, if your intention is to be accepted by strangers in superficial conversations, and nothing more, then you won't feel nearly as bad if you get "rejected" when you pitch your business plan on the street corner to strangers walking by. On the other hand, if you are selling kitchen gadgets at the home show, and you only feel a vague need to "be accepted socially" based on programming, you’ll feel the sting of rejection from everybody that doesn't buy from you. Think of what situations you'd like to be accepted in, and under what contexts. Relationships and Sex All of us crave relationships and sex. But if you walk the Earth with only a vague need to have sex and feel loved, you will have a hard time holding your frame. But when you choose a specific type of partner, and a specific frequency or context of sexual encounters, it will be easy to set and hold, or at least be flexible with your frame in the context of your larger goals. Self Actualization All of us feel a deep need to "be important." To do something magnificent, to share something wonderful, and to be recognized for our contribution to society. Taking the time to choose how you plan on doing this, based on an honest assessment of your skills, can make the difference between an unfulfilled, unhappy life, and one of deep meaning and purpose.
56
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
If you have NO idea what you'd like to do in life, only that you want it to be BIG, every situation you enter into, part of you will be hoping and praying that this is going to be the one where you'll make your mark. And every time it doesn't pan out, you may feel dejected, and as if you are starting all over again. On the other hand, if you take some time to assess your skills, and choose an area of life where you'd like to make your mark, every interaction won't take on that "succeed or fail" feeling. You can frame each and every situation as something that will help you get closer to your ultimate goal. It will be easier going into the situation with the frame of "This situation means I am going to gain knowledge, insight or skills that will put me closer to my goals." A long time ago, I decided to write a novel. I was spending several hours a day coming up with characters, stories, and plot ideas. It consumed my thinking. I also liked going to the movies. I started seeing movies that I never would have watched before, because I noticed that during the movies, I was paying attention to things like character arcs, how they broke up the scenes, the structure of dialogue, and other things I never even noticed before. Because of my overarching goal, sitting in a movie theater changed from "passing the time on an otherwise boring weekend" to "learning the secrets of story construction." The whole purpose of human life on Earth is to create. We 57
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
feel most alive when our lives have a purpose, when we feel we are getting closer and closer to a goal. When you have a sufficiently large goal out in the future, it will be a lot easier than you think to set and hold a frame in pretty much any situation. There's a difference between people that simply wander through life, and those that move through life with a purpose. Those that wander through life tend to jump from one thing to the next; always hoping it's going to be "the final thing" that they need. Unfortunately, it rarely is. On the other hand, when you've got a huge powerful goal that is pulling you forward, every situation you enter will be seen through the frame and filter of that large goal. Instead of instinctively downgrading your frame, you'll learn to have a lot more flexibility and tenacity. Recall Mike Tyson's quote about getting punched in the face. A guy who is walking through a dark alley and is suddenly faced with a mugger is going to fight a lot differently than a seasoned fighter who stands to win a huge stack of money if they can last 15 rounds with another fighter. The alley fighter is going to quickly revert to basic, fight or flight thinking, and have one and one goal only: To get out of there alive. The boxer, on the other hand, is going to have an overarching goal of lasting 15 rounds, and winning on points. He's going to feel out his opponent. He's going to test his strengths and weaknesses. He's going to use his 58
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
stamina as a tool.
59
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
Let's review what we've learned so far. While it makes sense to talk about all the frame elements as individual components, like parts on a bicycle or a washing machine, they are all highly interdependent variables. Changing one will always have an effect on all the rest. What Is A Frame? A frame is simply the meaning given to a situation. One situation can have many different meanings, either by different people, or the same person over time. There is no "right" or "wrong" meaning. Anybody at any time can come up with any meaning they can justify. How Are Frames Defined? Frames are either defined consciously or unconsciously. If you see a tiger, and run away without thinking, the frame that says "this situation is dangerous and I'd better run" was chosen unconsciously. If you look at somebody and smile, and they smile back, a potential frame "this person likes me and they want to meet me" is consciously chosen frame. What is a Strong Frame? A strong frame is one that is chosen that will hold up regardless of any external situation, specifically despite 60
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
potential new information or behaviors by others that may indicate the frame may be incorrect. If you see a person, smile, and they smile back, you may choose the meaning of, "This person likes me and wants to meet me." You go over and introduce yourself, and they tell you that you reminded them of somebody. A strong frame would STILL hold the meaning of "this person likes me and wants to meet me" despite this seemingly contradictory information. What is a Weak Frame? A weak frame is one that is easily overridden by others or the situation. In the above example, a weak frame holding the same meaning of "this person likes me and wants to meet me," may change into a frame of "this is proof that I always make foolish mistakes." What Happens when Frames Conflict? When two people are sharing a situation, like a conversation or a sales presentation, they may have conflicting frames. The salesperson's frame is "this conversation means I am going to get a commission and some referrals from this person." The customer's frame may be "I want to get some information from this salesperson while I continue to shop around some more after we're finished." Whoever has the strongest frame will override the weaker frame with their frame. If the customer has the stronger frame, the salesperson will redefine his frame to match the customer’s. If the salesperson has the strongest frame, the 61
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
customer will redefine their frame to match the salesperson's. Is The Content And The Strength Of The Frame Related? There is some relation between content and strength, but not always. If the content of frame X is based on social proof, while the content of frame Y based on some never before heard of idea, all things being equal, frame X will overcome frame Y. However, it's entirely possible for a strong frame whose content is crazy and outlandish to overpower a normal and even socially proofed frame. There are endless tragedies involving cult leaders with the most insane ideas imaginable that overwrote the more normal frames of everyday people based on the strength of their frame alone. What Factors Help Make A Frame Strong? Congruence If you are very congruent, meaning all the parts of you believe something is true, your frame will be very strong. Pre-Framing Frames are much stronger if they are chosen before going into a situation, than on the fly. Simply decide how you will define the situation you are going into, before getting into the thick of things. 62
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
Experience Holding a frame in a certain situation that you've been in before is much easier than "trying one on" for the first time. Consciously Chosen Frames that are chosen with thought in light of what you want are much more powerful than frames that are based on instincts that popup unexpectedly. Life Goals Holding a frame that is congruent with your life goals is much easier than holding a frame without any life goals. Congruent with Instincts Holding a frame that is congruent with your instincts of food, safety, relationships, sex, resources, and self-actualization will be much easier than holding a frame not based on basic human instincts, desires, and aspirations. The Other Frame If your frame is of medium strength, it will still override a weaker frame. However, this is not considered a long term frame control strategy. Belief 63
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
The strength of your beliefs about yourself, your capabilities and experiences related to the environment in which you are intending to set and hold a frame will have a large effect. For example, somebody who believes they (or their product or service) offer little or no value will have hard time holding a strong frame in a one on one sales situation. Flexibility Being able to redefine the frame, in the moment, in light of new information or behaviors that still benefit you is a very useful skill to have. For example, if you are talking to a cute girl at a bar and your frame is "this conversation is going to lead to a sexual encounter between the two of us" may change when her best friend shows up. Depending on the initial intent (long term relationship or short term encounter), a strong, flexible, new frame may be, “I'm going to have a threesome tonight!" Or it may turn to "I will get her number and go on a date within a week." One thing to consider when setting the meaning of a frame is to choose the least possible frame you'd accept, and then simply add "or better" on to it. Here are some potential examples to hold before going into any particular situation: Smiling and talking to cute girls today, or better. 64
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
Handing out five business cards to potential customers, or better. Getting a second appointment with this particular customer, or better. Social Proof Generally speaking, a socially proofed frame is easier to hold than a non-socially proofed frame. Support from Friends Having several close friends who support your frame will also make it much easier to hold. This is why guys go to pick up girls with "wing men" instead of alone, as it helps them maintain their frame of "meeting and seducing girls." Having a strong support network of friends, relatives, colleagues, etc. is always helpful when engaging in difficult to hold frames such as job hunting, or going through difficult times in life such as divorce, death of a loved one, etc.
65
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
General Frame Idea Summary While any particular frame you have is completely up to you, here are some general guidelines that will help. Self Directed Consider choosing a frame that is chosen by you, for your own reasons. Independent of any Specific Individual Having a frame of meeting someone special is much easier to hold than getting a certain person to fall in love with you. Holding a frame of making a certain income during a certain time period is much easier than forcing a frame with a particular individual. You may very well convince a customer that yours is the "stronger frame" only to find out they can't afford your product. A Set of Solid Long Term Goals Having a set of long terms goals will make it much easier to not only pre-frame events, but come up with resourceful frames on the fly that will support the achievement of your goals and desires. Being Open to Feedback Even if a situation doesn't pan out, you can still use that to support your long term goals. If you don't get the sale, you 66
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
can consider what worked, and what didn't work during that particular presentation. This can help you do better next time, which will help you in the next interaction. Avoid Reframing to Lower, Instinctive Goals If you have a frame of talking to and meeting somebody interesting, and you fail the first couple of tries, it can be tempting to reframe from "meeting somebody interesting" to "getting out of the house." Since "getting out of the house" is very general and doesn't really support any specific goals, this is really just an ego protection trick. If you do reframe due to complications, always reframe in light of your longer term goals. Avoid Trying to "Prove Yourself Right" Being right or feeling that you are right is a very deep instinct. Choosing a conscious frame is not so much about being right, but about getting your outcome. If you feel yourself being pulled into a situation where you are defending your point of view, take a step back and reorganize your thoughts so you can continue holding your chosen frame. Often times, people will bait you by disagreeing with something you've said, in an attempt to shake your frame. Simply allow them their opinion, step back and continue talking about whatever you wanted to talk about. Frame Practice Techniques 67
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
This can be an invaluable exercise to do on a regular basis. Choose a frame to hold in a certain situation, and then simply hold that frame. These are also known as "will power exercises," as they help you not be swayed when unexpected things happen. For example, you might go somewhere in public, choose someone a few meters away, and set a conversational frame of "them giving you the time." Frame Maintenance Techniques - When you’re In the Mix Language plays a huge part in frame control. When two people meet, and both are intending to hold the frame, they will try to verbally "outmaneuver" each other. Developing some verbal flexibility is helpful. While there are many, many specific language patterns to do this, often times it's simply easier to "not bite," and continue to hold your own frame. For example, salespeople often hear the objection, "I'm just looking." This is a direct assault on the salesperson's frame of making a sale. You could use some linguistic trickery and say things like, "Well, I'll help you look, and then we find the right product, I'll fill out the sales order!" However, these can often backfire as they tend to feel argumentative. A much more effective AND respectful way is to simply agree with whatever they say, and then simply keep holding your frame. 68
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
For example, let’s say you are a salesperson in a store, and you see a potential customer looking at an item, and they say, "I'm just looking." You can simply think to yourself, "They don't know yet that they are going to buy something from me today." If you are intending to meet people socially or romantically, and they say they have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, tell them that's great, or congratulate them, and simply continue talking to them. One friend I used to know was very skilled at holding incredible frames. His motto was that whenever he hears an objection, he just goes more covert. For example, if you walk up to a girl or guy you like, and start talking to them, they may think that you are trying to "pick them up." So they may throw out the "boyfriend objection" that many people fear. Simply pace them, agree with whatever they say, and continue to talk to them. Use whatever they say as a reason why you're glad to talk to them. Then continue to turn on the charm, and let it happen naturally. One thing many people are amazed to find is that most people have very weak frames. While we did mention above that basing the strength of your frame on the weakness of others is not a good strategy, you will find that most people will simply go along with you once you hold your frame just a little bit. This was the most amazing thing I realized when I sold 69
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
cars. At first, customers were very closed off, rude even, when I tried any kind of sales techniques. But when I just relaxed, ignored their objections, and kept going, a funny thing happened. When they finally "gave up" and "bought into my frame" they acted like I did them the best favor in the world. Customers that walked in to our shop looking angry and standoffish would suddenly look like kids at their own birthday parties once they decided to buy. I've found this is true no matter what your frame is. So long as you hold it, and calmly keep it no matter what, people will not only take your frame over theirs, but they will seem very glad they did so. It's as if we humans are not really concerned with content, we are just searching for people with strong frames. And all the objections we give each other are not really true objections, but a measure of whether or not the other person's frame is genuinely strong. Pause, Pace, Resume A wonderful paradox is that one of the most powerful things you can do to maintain your frame, AND win over others in your frame is to simply listen to their objections, or attempts to assert frame dominance, while calmly holding your own frame. If you release any need to "be right," and simply let them decide on their own which frame they'd rather choose (theirs or yours) you'll find simply by holding your frame, 70
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
holding your ideas, and simply allowing them to voice their objections they will soon gladly surrender to your frame. For example, many sales people start to feel anxious when they are getting close to the end of their sales presentation. However, consider holding the frame, "We are having a conversation that will end with them deciding to buy the product." This can happen if you use an overt "close," meaning you specifically ask them to buy. Or it can also happen if you simply relax, and elicit their wants, needs, and desires, and then simply keep talking about the various features and benefits of the product until they decide on their own to buy. Naturally, they'll have some reservations along the way. Instead of arguing with them, simply pace them, and validate them. Tell them you understand. Give them some examples of your own hesitations when buying a product. Then simply continue talking about the product. This may seem a little strange when you first try it out, but it is very powerful. Most of us are conditioned to lose the frame on purpose when somebody else contradicts us. Here are a few examples to help us understand. Let's say you're at a bar, and you see a pretty girl. You'd like her number, so you can date her later on. You walk up with the frame of "This conversation is going to facilitate 71
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
me getting her number." So you walk up and introduce yourself. She introduces herself. You start asking some easy to answer, open ended questions. She says, "I just wanted to let you know that I've got a boyfriend." If you're frame is weak and easily overpowered, you may be put off. You may lose your momentum. You may be stuck with thinking of something to say. She'll notice this, and feel comfortable that her frame is stronger than yours. Or, you could simply say something like, "Oh, cool. What's his name?" She'll tell you, and then you simply keep on talking like nothing ever happened. Here's where the paradox comes in. Most people fear that when they "overpower" somebody's frame, it's going to be like some vicious mixed martial arts match. But in reality, it feels really, really GOOD when we meet somebody with a strong frame. So when you acknowledge her boyfriend, show her you're not fazed, and simply keep talking, she'll actually become more interested. Another situation. Let's say you're at the movies with a buddy. You want to see an action movie, he or she wants to see a comedy. You notice that the action movie you'd like to see is starting in ten minutes. You mention this, and your friend says, "Yea, but that comedy with Mr. X is starting in twenty 72
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
minutes. I kind of want to see that." You could get into an argument, or a discussion, or even some kind of bargaining agreement to decide which movie to see. Or, you could pace their objection, agree that it's supposed to be a good comedy, and proceed to buy your tickets. Now, how you do this, the energy you speak with, your facial expressions are crucial. You need to be careful not to appear to "ignore" your friend. Take some time. Stop and look at them. Believe it when you say that comedy is probably a good movie. Then simply follow this up with, "I really, REALLY want to see this action movie!" If you make it clear you are stopping your thought process to validate whatever it is they said, without blowing them off, and THEN simply repeating your strong desire to see the action movie, they'll almost always agree. Why? Everybody craves validation. Often times even more so that being "in control." It's just that for many of us, "being in control" is the only way to know how to get that validation. But when you take the time to openly listen to, agree with, and validate their point, while at the same time holding onto your frame, they'll be glad to let theirs go and step into yours. In the outstanding book, "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty," by Manual Smith, there's a fantastically simply, yet incredibly powerful technique called the "Broken Record." This is best used with people you don't know very well, like service personnel, shop clerks, etc. 73
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
It involves stating what you want. Then if they say, "No," or if they say, "No, because..." and say whatever reason, you simply pace what they said, and repeat your request. "I'd like a refund for this book. Here's my receipt." "I'm sorry, we don't give refunds." "I understand that. Here's my receipt, I'd like a refund." This really works like magic. Most people are so used to others responding, at least in part, to the words they say. So when you simply listen, accept, say you understand what they said, and repeat your request, they'll quickly realize they are in a no-win situation. They'll realize that no matter what they say, you'll always "come back" with your simple and polite request. No yelling, no name calling, no raised blood pressure. Just a simple, "Yes, I understand that. Here's my receipt, and I'd like a refund." Your frame is "this conversation means I'm going to get a refund." And no matter what happens, you calmly and politely hold your frame. And when they finally "give in," they will suddenly feel relieved. Happy even. Often times people hold on to their frame because they fear what happens if they lose it. By repeating yourself calmly and politely, you'll simply give them time to "warm up" to the idea that taking your frame isn't so bad. You'll be happy, and they'll be relieved. 74
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
This works just as well with a large group. Simply choose your frame. Acknowledge what everybody else has to say, and stick to your frame. You don't need to justify it. You don't need to explain it rationally. You just need to hold it. You'll find that more often than not, simple patience will be your strongest weapon in holding your frame. The truth is that most people are followers. For better or worse, most people simply feel much better following somebody with a strong frame than trying to hold their own frame. Study after study has shown this to be true. They take ten random strangers, and put them in a room. Invariably, there's one person that emerges as the leader. That means that nine people emerge as followers. Interestingly, when they repeat this experiment several times, an interesting twist comes up. When they take ten people that were all leaders in previous situations, and put them in a room, guess what? One becomes the leader, and the rest become followers. This means that anybody is a potential leader of pretty much anybody else. It also means that any of us will eagerly turn into loyal followers when we meet somebody with a strong frame. If you practice these techniques and keep these ideas in mind, YOU can be that person that people will eagerly and readily follow. And be happy to do so. 75
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
What about when you are moving from situation to situation? Imagine a skier going down a hill with lots of rocks and trees. Maybe they went off course by accident. Their intention is to get from where they are, back down to the warm lodge at the bottom. Their frame is "I will carefully navigate these boundaries until I'm safely at the lodge." They go right, they go left, they may have to stop and backtrack. So long as they hold their frame, not panic, they'll get to the bottom. Whether you have a frame for a day, or a frame for your life, the same principle applies. "I will safely navigate the obstacles to go from where I am, to where I want to be." If you're intention is to meet five potential clients, everybody that is NOT a client is simply somebody to deal with on the way TO the next client. As mentioned before, the more planning and experience you have, the easier it will be to keep moving forward.
76
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
There are plenty of ways to build up your frame setting and holding muscle. When doing these exercises, think of them like going to the gym and running on a treadmill, the stair climbing machine, or using the free weights. There's no real purpose for them other to strengthen your mental muscle. Nobody runs on a treadmill because they think they'll get anywhere. They do so because it vastly enhances their conditioning and health, without having to worry about getting run over by cement trucks. Hold That Thought To start off with, it's easier to hold a frame when you've got your mind focused on a certain idea. A great way to practice that is to simply think of an idea to hold in mind, before going into a situation, and continue holding that idea no matter what happens. It's best to choose situations where your interactions with others will be based on pre-ordained structures, like buying groceries, or ordering in a restaurant, or something similar. Choose a complicated idea, and go into wherever you are going into, and then simply hold that thought, without letting it drift based on external influences. You can choose an unfamiliar song, mentally go through a recipe in your head several times, or even go through as simple story. 77
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
The story method is great because it allows you to pause, if you need to interact with others, and then get back to the story. This will help you practice pausing, pacing, and resuming. Scavenger Hunting Once you're ready for the next level, you can practice scavenger hunting. Think of some particular response you'd like to get from one or any number of people. This can range from anything simple like a smile, or something crazy like getting somebody to touch their left shoulder with their right pinky. Simply go into a situation with this kind of outcome in mind. Practice being flexible and consistent. Simply move through the environment, until you get your outcome, and then leave. If you do this consistently, this will build up a positive belief that you CAN hold any frame, and that your intentions are met. Center of Attention Often times we shy away from attention, and this can hurt our frame control ability. Purposely calling attention to yourself can help. One way is to go somewhere outdoors like a public park. Then choose a spot, and choose to stand there, for a certain number of minutes, with a smile on your face. At first, this may feel incredibly difficult. But when you 78
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
realize that nothing will ever happen, it will be pretty boring. And you'll come to a pretty powerful realization. Holding a strong mindset can overcome a lot of fears. Imagining standing out in public with people pointing at you and laughing may sound like your worst nightmare. But when you simply stand there and look at anybody who makes any eye contact with you, you'll notice they quickly look away. This will be a pretty powerful feeling. Standing in the middle of a public park, and knowing that you've effectively outframed everybody there. You simply hold the meaning of the park as, "This is my Frame Control practice area, and everybody else is just visiting." When you look at people with this thought in mind, it's a very solid feeling. Believe it or not, with this thought strongly in mind, you'll notice people looking at you not because they think you're crazy, but because they notice something attractive about you they simply can't put to words. The Eyes Have It Holding eye contact until the other person breaks it first is an effective way to build your frame muscle. But you'll need to be careful as many people can misinterpret this as aggression. An easy way to do this without getting into fights or causing trouble is to simply stroll down the street, with a smile on your face, and make eye contact with everybody you pass. Set the frame of "I have stronger eye contact than everybody I see." Simply lock eyes with whomever you can, and hold it until they look down. 79
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
Control the Flow This is an advanced exercise that involves interacting with and talking to others. Set the frame before entering into the conversation about what you'd like to talk about. No matter what happens, keep steering the conversation back to your chosen subject. Connect the Dots Being able to bring back a conversation to your chosen topic can sometimes be difficult, and this exercise will help. Get yourself a notebook and go to a coffee shop or somewhere else where you can sit, write, and "eavesdrop" on other people's conversations. Choose a topic, and write it at the top of a blank piece of paper. Then wait until you "overhear" people talking about something. Then in the shortest amount of words, connect that "something" back to what your topic. Actually write this out on a piece of paper. The idea is to take whatever topic you just heard, and connect it to your original idea in the shortest amount of words. Specific Language This is an easy, but effective one that you can do within a conversation without anybody knowing it. Simply choose a specific type of grammar or word usage and stick to it. For example, if you normally cuss like a sailor, choose the frame of "not cursing" in a conversation with your buddies. Choose three or four description adjectives you rarely use, (like "splendid," or "marvelous,") and use them conversationally a pre-determined number of times. 80
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
When to Practice - Schedule Your Improvement Think of frame control practice just like you would think of going to the gym. Practice at a regular time, in regular intervals. At the end of the day, recall any frame work and journal your experiences. At the beginning of the day, take a couple minutes to choose which exercises you'll do, and when. Be sure to define them as specifically as possible. Remember not to worry too much about the interactions themselves. These are to build up your general "Frame Muscle," not to get any kind of specific results.
81
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
One of the biggest factors in your ability to hold a frame is your beliefs. If you have strong and supporting beliefs about yourself, holding a frame will be very easy. For example, if you truly believed, on a very deep and fundamental level that you were an excellent salesperson, and you had a lot of value and experience to offer to customers, and that your product or service was top notch, it would be very easy to hold the frame of "this conversation is going to end in a sale" no matter who you were talking to. On the other hand, if you felt deep down inside that you had nothing to offer, and you had little faith in your product, it would be difficult to hold that frame no matter who you were speaking with, even an eager buyer with cash in hand. Beliefs operate on a deep level, often times without our knowledge that they even exist. They present themselves as filters. Without any kind of self-work in this area, they act by convincing us that the world is a certain way, rather than the way we perceive the world. Here's a common story that illustrates that. A man was sitting at a crossroads, just enjoying the nice weather. Ten miles to his left was Town X, and ten miles to his right was Town Y (choose whichever names you prefer.) A family rode up in their covered wagon, from Town X, on 82
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
their way to Town Y. They asked him: "Hey friend, what are the people in Town Y like?" The man said, "Well, what were they like in town X?" "They were friendly, kind and honest," said the traveler. "Well, that's what you'll find in Town Y," said the man. A few minutes later, another family rode up. "Say friend, what are the people in town Y like?" Again, our hero said, "Well, what were they like in Town X?" "Well," started the traveler, "They were mean spirited, backstabbing villains who'd lie to your face just for fun." "Well," responded our hero, "that's about what you'll find in town Y." If you see the world as a wonderful place filled with awesome opportunities, that is exactly what you'll find. But if you see the world as filled with trouble, danger, and treachery, that's also what you'll find. If you believe you are destined for riches, wealth and abundance, every situation will prove that, and holding that frame will be easy and natural. So, what happens if you don't have the supporting beliefs? 83
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
Easy, just change them! Belief Change Procedure Before you change your beliefs, you'll need to find out what they are. Beliefs are situational, meaning you'll have to define them to find them. For example, it's not really possible to believe something like, "I'm confident," as there are many different kinds of confidence, and they situationally based. You might be confident talking to your best friend or family members, but you may not be so confident talking to strangers on the street. You may be confident talking to cute girls working in coffee shops, but you might not be confident strolling up to super models sitting by themselves in hotel lobbies. You may feel confident you can make a fried egg sandwich, but you may not feel so confident going on TV and whipping up some Peking Duck. The first step is to identify a situation when holding a positive frame (based on your subjective values) seems to be difficult. Then ask yourself the tough question: Why am I having trouble with this? Let's say you've just joined a network marketing group. You are convinced you can get it going if only you could approach and talk to ten people a day, and talk to them long enough to describe your business. But as soon as you see a potential client, when you approach you become nervous, flustered, and anxious. 84
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
You'd like to hold the frame of "The meaning of this conversation is me giving them a brief description of my business to see if they're interested." But the other person sees you coming, notices you're nervous, quickly shifts into defensive mode, and chooses the frame of, "I'm going to get rid of this person as quickly as possible." Now, before we move into the belief change procedure, let's look at what happened. Their frame was strengthened by the weakness of your frame. Before you even opened your mouth, they sensed your nervousness and anxiety. This told them you had a weak frame. An aspect of human nature is that being around people with weak frames is generally not desired, unless it's to bolster our own frame, which we've previously chosen. But very few people enjoy being approached by somebody with a weak frame. So this will always cause them to go into defensive mode. Consider the alternative. Suppose you approached them with a very strong frame. You have a strong belief, backed up by real experience and some real income, that your product and business is solid and can help out many people. They'll also notice your strong frame. And guess what? When we are approached by somebody with a strong frame something happens. Before there's even any conversation, we are eager to find out why they have such a strong frame. We aren't gearing up to overpower the frame. We are gearing up to accept and embrace the frame as our own. 85
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
Simply by having a solid belief, people will naturally melt right into your frame without any real effort on your part. (This is a great place to remind you to practice those frame exercises!) On with the process. So let's assume you have a weak frame when approaching people to talk about your business. Start off by asking the question, "Why is it difficult for me to talk about my business?" Get a blank sheet of paper, and write at the top: "Talking about my business is difficult because:" And then write down every answer that pops into your head. Write down anything that comes up, regardless if it makes sense or not. Keep writing. Write down ten, twenty, or even thirty answers. What are you are looking for are negative statements about yourself, your capabilities, or that particular situation. In this example we're using a business, and income, so anything negative that pops up about you, your value, money itself, other people in general, or people who make money is a potential belief to flip around. Let's say you come up with the following: People aren't interested in network marketing. People don't want to be bothered in public. 86
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
People will reject me if I talk to them about a business opportunity. Only scammers approach people in bookstores asking about business opportunities. These are your negative beliefs that are holding you back. In order to counter them, simply flip them around grammatically. So these statements will change to: People are interested in network marketing. People enjoy being approached in public. People will accept me if I talk to them about a business opportunity. Only kind and thoughtful people approach people in bookstores about business opportunities. We changed both the verb tense, and some of the adjectives and nouns around. Now that we've got the new belief statements, we're ready to turn them into unconscious beliefs. Because beliefs are very personal, and very subjective, there is no "one size fits all" belief change method. The trick is to simply try a few of these out, and be persistent. Affirmation Method 87
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
One method is to turn them into affirmations. Take each statement, and write it out several different ways. Then simply repeat them over and over throughout the day. Another powerful way to program affirmations into your mind is by repeating them to yourself as you fall asleep at night. You can also record them yourself, and then play them in a background loop while going about your day. Past Recall Method This involves digging into your past, and finding proof that these affirmations are true. For example, let's take the first one, "People are interested in Network Marketing." Simply find plenty of situations, as many as you can, where it was undeniably true that people were interested in network marketing. For example, think of how much money is spent each day on anything related to Network Marketing. Think of all the people that are making money from network marketing. At one point, they weren't making any money in network marketing. At one point they didn't know anything about network marketing. So first they had to find out about network marketing, then they had to become interested in network marketing, then they started making money. Just repeat that statement to yourself, "People are interested in network marketing," while you vividly imagine the hundreds of thousands, or even millions of people, who are keenly interested in network marketing. History Rewriting Method
88
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
This is similar to the above method, only you will actually go into your own memory, and rewrite it so that it verifies that belief. This will require you do something that approximates the situation, but only closely. For example, let's say you're nowhere near ready to walk up to some stranger and pitch some product. But you could walk up and ask them the time, right? And you could think of something to say after that, right? For example, you see somebody; you go over and ask the time. Then compliment them on their shirt (or whatever). Then ask them where they bought it. Then tell them you love that store. That's it. Then, later that evening, when you are re-remembering the event, rewrite it in your mind. Imagine that you actually DID talk to them about your network marketing business, and they were interested. You've already got their positive body language and positive facial expressions (from when you gave them the compliment), just rewrite the words! Now, this may seem strange and against some kind of mental law of the universe, but it's perfectly fine. It's YOUR brain, after all! The Nitty Gritty of Belief Change Beliefs are based on experience. They don't exist in a vacuum. When we grow up, our minds are blank except for our pre-programmed instincts to learn. One of the things we learn is about ourselves, and how we fit into the world 89
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
around us. Our lives are an endless feedback loop where our experiences either validates our beliefs or reshapes them. Because the world, as perceived through our conscious mind, has much more information and data than we could possibly see, our beliefs act as a filter. To the extent what we "see" verifies our beliefs, our beliefs will become stronger. Often times the process of belief change will involve interrupting this feedback loop, questioning our interpretation of reality, coming up with a new, more enhanced interpretation, and then verifying that through our experience. This is very important to understand. Reality, to an extent is whatever we interpret it to be. This works on both the front end at the back end of the belief. We can interpret reality to mean one thing, and create a belief. Then we later interpret reality the same way, which now reinforces this belief. It only seems different because the two situations are structurally similar, but contextually different. Our brains naturally pay attention to content, or context, but not structure. By understanding structure, belief change is a lot easier. Here's an example. A guy goes to a bar for the first time to meet a girl. He walks up to five girls, and they all "reject" 90
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
him. So he goes home, and creates the belief that he's unattractive. Then a month later, he goes to a different bar, in a different town, and talks to five girls again. This time, when he gets "rejected" this now solidifies his belief. In reality, the belief was created in the same structure or circumstances as the belief was verified. It's a kind of circular logic that's not noticed by our minds. That's why changing belief will require some conscious effort to redefine the reality around you, in a more resourceful way. And as it happens, you can set the frame to set the belief. You can go into a situation with a frame of creating a certain belief. How do you do this? First, come up with a belief you'd like to create. Or a negative belief you'd like to flip around to the positive. Using those exercises above, let's say you choose one of your negative beliefs of: "People aren't interested in network marketing." Then you simply go into any environment with the sole purpose of finding evidence of this new belief. This way, you can think of yourself as a "treasure hunter" looking for something you're assuming is there, rather than approaching people and believing they have some kind of magical power over you. 91
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
Remember, the only thing you are looking for is evidence that "people are interested in network marketing." Also remember that how you interpret your reality is completely up to you. You may walk up to somebody reading a book about starting a home business. Tell them a story about your friend who made a million dollars in network marketing. Did they listen to you while you were telling the story? That is verifiable evidence that people are interested in network marketing. It will only take a few interactions with strangers to solidify this belief. The way people usually go about dealing with their beliefs is by entering into a situation with only their instinctive frame of safety, security, etc. And then when things don't go the way they'd hoped, instead of thinking about reevaluating their interpretation of what happened, they reevaluate their interpretation of themselves. Let's consider our other example, of the guy who subconsciously came up with the belief of "girls aren't interested in me." Let's say he does some self work, does some sentence completion exercises, and then finds that belief. He decides to turn it around to "Girls are interested in me." So this time, instead of hitting the bars with the subconsciously set frame of "I'm hoping this will end well," which is a very weak frame, he walks in with the frame of 92
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
"I'm going to solidify my new belief that girls are interested in me." Now remember when we talked about setting a frame with the "or better" added on the end. So he might augment his frame to be, "The events of this evening means I'm solidifying my new belief that girls are interested in me, or better." So he goes to a bar. He smiles and says "Hi," to five or six girls. As soon as he receives each smile, he says to himself, "See, girls ARE interested in me." Without consciously choosing our frames or our beliefs, it's easy to fall into the "either - or" trap. Meaning we have some wishes and hopes, which are usually based on a best case scenario. We wish we would talk to five or six people and sign them all up for our network marketing group. We send out one or two resumes and hope they'll end up with us getting our dream job. We talk to one attractive person in a bar and hope they turn into the romantic partner of our fantasies. When that doesn't happen, we assume the worst about ourselves. We don't get any signups our first day out, and we imagine we'll soon become homeless. We don't get any callbacks from our resume and assume we'll need to go on welfare. That interesting person we talked to isn't interested in us, so we assume we'd be better of joining a monastery. 93
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
Strong frames, and the strong beliefs that support them are very contextual. When we take time to set the frames, and understand the underlying beliefs that support them, it's very easy, and it happens very quickly. It does have to happen consciously at first. We need to take what's been happening unconsciously, elevate it to the conscious level, rearrange things to better support us, and then they'll drop down to the unconscious level once again.
Biggest Obstacle to Positive Beliefs and Strong Frames Humans are pack animals. We are most comfortable when we are moving with the heard. When we are with a group of people all going somewhere, it's easy when we can tune out and let our subconscious take over. This is a throwback to our origins as hunter gatherers. We developed instincts not only to those things that were important to us, like food, safety, sex, etc., but also things that were signals of those things that were dangerous to us. Back in our caveman days, it was crucial to feel part of the pack. Having a decent social standing was absolutely required to have a normal life. Anybody that was rejected by the crowd was doomed to die a lonely life. So to keep that from happening, we developed deep and powerful instincts that gave us terrible feelings if we got any signals 94
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
that indicated we were getting negative social attention. This prompted us to automatically self-correct, so we could get back into the good graces of the group. In those days, there was only one kind of negative social attention, and only one kind of response: Stop whatever it was that we were doing. Any kind of rejection, any kind of uncomfortable attention, any strong words from our tribal leaders meant only one thing: We did something wrong, and we'd better not do it again. The same feeling hits us today whenever somebody questions our frame, or makes us feel as we've "done something wrong." Our instinct is to retreat, and stop doing whatever it was we were doing. Every rejection a salesperson gets feels like they are getting kicked out of the tribe. Every time you walk up to an attractive person and things don't go your way, you feel as if you're getting kicked out of the tribe. Every time you're asserting your frame in a group, and there's a little bit of resistance, you feel as though you're about to get booted from the tribe. All of these events prompt us to feel uneasy if we think about pressing forward. How do we counter this? After all, we don't want to forcefully walk through walls of anxiety to get what we 95
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
want! Luckily, there's a way. Out Frame Yourself Any time we speak of "reframing" or "outframing" or "down framing" we really mean one thing. Changing the perceived meaning of a situation. Two people battling for frame control are "outframing" each other. When you start off with a frame, but somebody overpowers you, you've "down framed" yourself. When you're changing your beliefs, and giving new meanings to situations, you are "reframing" the situation. So, what does it mean to outframe yourself? Say you're in a group. You've got a frame picked out, and you've run into trouble. Maybe somebody else in the group also has a frame picked out (not likely, since most people don't even know this kind of thinking exists) or maybe they're verifying that the strength of your frame is real, and not pretend. On one level, you are going to feel that "I'm getting banished from society!" feeling. If you simply try to push through it with sheer willpower, it may work, it may not. One of the oldest tricks in the book, mental or otherwise, is to simply turn your opposition in your own favor. 96
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
So when you feel that social pressure, instead of framing it as "I might get kicked out of the group," frame it as, "they are getting ready to choose a new leader." Imagine now, the greatest leaders of all time. Naturally this is subjective. So think of three or four leaders you really look up to. They can be national leaders, leaders of your book club, anything. Chances are getting to their position of leadership wasn't easy. They had to "fight" their way to the top. They only did so because they had a strong belief in themselves, and a strong idea of what they'd get when they got there. This is what powered their frame. This is what allowed them to easily outframe any opposition or obstacles they'd encountered along the way. This is when future pacing comes into play. When you set a frame, it can be very helpful to not only set the frame you'd like, but the benefits you'll receive from it. This can help you look to the future, and not only have an "in the moment frame" but also a "big picture frame" at the same time. This ties in nicely with having frames that are set within the context of larger goals. Whenever possible, both in "in the moment" frame setting, and long term goal setting, always build into them some element of social status, and social proof. Fully imagine people admiring you, supporting you, and 97
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
even following you because of your accomplishments. When you set a strong element of social proof and social status into your larger goals, and even into the frames themselves, it will help you a lot when it comes to dealing with smaller obstacles along the way. For example, let’s get back to our friend who is having trouble talking to girls in bars. His first pass was based on a wholly unconscious frame of "hoping to get some action." Which was easily outframed by girls he met. Let's consider that he did some work on his beliefs, and has a solid belief that "girls find him interesting." So he goes to a club, and talks to a few girls. He has a much easier time, but for some reason, whenever he talks to girls that are with their friends, he feels as if they are watching and judging them. After all, watching a guy struggle when trying to pick up girls may be considered interesting to some, which of course satisfies and validates his belief of "girls find me interesting." So while he's definitely made improvements in his beliefs and abilities when talking to girls, he still melts under the pressure of social attention. His next step is to imagine a time in his future, when he's got a gorgeous, supportive girlfriend who helps him succeed in life. Everywhere he goes with her, people look and admire him. People ask him how he got such an awesome lady. Both guys and girls give him social approval 98
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
and recognition because of his relationship. (Remember, this is just a mental exercise. This is not a recommendation to do ANYTHING based solely on social status. This is just a mind trick to help overcome any short term negative social pressure that may get in the way.) So after choosing a clear, long term goal, with some positive feelings of positive social recognition mixed in, he goes back out. This time, it's easy to talk to girls in groups, because every interaction is built within a larger frame that will end with him getting social status. This will naturally counteract any feelings of negative social status along the way.
99
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
Your ability to be flexible with the meaning you give to "events" in the world can be a great asset to being able to dominate the frame in any situation. Reframing is simply the idea of taking an existing meaning, and then changing to a better meaning. This is a skill you can practice in many different ways, and the more you practice, the easier it will be to do this "on the fly" whenever you're in a situation. No matter how much you plan, how strong and well defined your goals are, you will find yourself in situations where you suddenly feel at the mercy of others, or at the mercy of events. Being able to reframe things in the moment is a powerful skill to have. Remember the story of the farmer and his two sons. Every time something happened, his neighbors were quick to point out whether it was good or bad. The farmer, knowing how quickly things change, simply held off any judgment. In that story, the meaning changed on its own based on the unfolding of events. But when you practice reframing, you'll be able to change the meaning of events. Meaning that is either given by you or others. This will happen as an unfolding of your understanding of yourself, and your truth. One thing is very important to understand, and that is that all meaning exists in the mind. There can be any number of meanings to a certain event. The meaning you decide to 100
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
give to any event is only up to you, and nobody else. And often times these are events that won't impact you themselves. Rather, the meaning you give to them will have a lasting impact on you. For example, let's say you're walking down the street, and you see a hot dog vendor about twenty meters away. You imagine how good a hot dog will taste. You walk up, reach into your wallet, and the hot dog vendor looks at you and days, "I'm sorry, no more hot dogs." What does this mean? Does it mean that you always show up too late? Does it mean that the hot dog vendor doesn't like you and is lying to you? Does it mean everybody is watching you try to get something and fail, and secretly laughing at you? Or does it mean now that you're hunger is sufficiently fired up, you can look for something even better? Or does it mean that the universe is secretly conspiring to keep you healthy? Or does it mean the hot dog vendor is really impressed with your presence and is embarrassed at his low quality hot dogs? Now, it may seem silly to give meanings that don't have a high probability of being true. But why not? It's not like the 101
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
reality police are going to show up and question your interpretation of events. After all, it's your mind. It's your decision on what ideas, thoughts, and beliefs to hold. And when it comes down to it, any meaning you give can only be a slight approximation for what's really going on anyway. Who knows why the hot dog vendor says he ran out? Who knows what kind of person he is, or what movies he's watched recently, or the attitude of his last ten customers. By getting into the habit of choosing positive and resourceful meanings of events, you'll actually change the way you behave, and change the way other people respond to you. Here's a simple example. Let's say guy one is walking down the street. He smiles at a girl, and she doesn't smile back. He decides that means that girls don't find him attractive. This changes his appearance, so when he smiles at the next girl, his posture is slightly slumped over, and his facial muscles are little tighter. And she also refuses to smile back at him. The next girl he sees, he simply stares at her. She doesn't smile back. The next girl he looks at angrily. She doesn't smile back. The next girl he starts screaming at, and she calls the police. His subjective interpretation fed back into his behavior, which affected the events around him. Now let's say guy number two is walking down the street. 102
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
He looks at a girl, smiles and she doesn't smile back. He assumes that means that she's so attracted to him that she is nervous. So he decides to soften his approach. The next girl he smiles at a little bit more "kindly" and she smiles back. Now he's onto something. The next girl he smiles at and says "Hi!" and she says "Hi!" back to him. His subjective interpretation fed back into his behaviors, which affected the events around him. Forcing yourself to automatically give positive meanings to events will take time, and practice. But the rewards will be enormous. One common presupposition of NLP will come in handy. And that is people are always doing the best they can, given their resources. Their resources involve their ability to react and respond to situations, their skills and everything else. For example, if you are walking down the street, and you are about to step into a crosswalk when a driver suddenly cuts in front of you, it's very easy to feel angry and helpless. It's also very hard to put a positive "spin" on this. It's hard to think that somebody that just could have killed you has your best interests in mind. However, consider that they just didn't know what they were doing. Again, this can be difficult. There's something about being a helpless and blameless victim that is incredibly compelling to most of us. 103
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
We somehow feel a strange sense of empowerment when we are in bad situation that is completely not our fault. We seem to gain strength by pointing out the errors and misdeeds of others, especially if it helps us feel better about our own situation. However, being responsible for and to yourself as much as you can, whenever you can, is absolutely necessary for powerful frame control. People with dominant and attractive frames rarely blame others for their situations. The astounding charisma and personal magnetism that come with having a strong and dominant frame will be vaporized by finger pointing and blame. Whenever you feel victimized by others, or the world, avoid taking it personally. Avoid thinking that the person or the world in general has a personal vendetta against you. In the driving example above, consider the person simply didn't see you. Or they saw you, and they miscalculated the distance. Also consider anything you could have conceivably done to avoid the situation, such as looking both ways, or double checking if cars were coming to a stop before you stepped off the curb. One of the biggest traps we can fall into, which can easily lead to victim thinking, is assuming people will do certain things, or worse, assuming that people should do certain things. If you walk into a crosswalk, for example, and don't look 104
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
both ways because the light is green and you assume that people will look for pedestrians because they should, you are actually giving up your power. By surrendering to the authority of the situation (in this case assuming people should look for pedestrians) you are putting a limit on your potential frame control. In reality, people don't behave the way because they should. We all behave in a way that we think will get us what we want, with the least effort possible. When people behave in ways because of what they should do, they're really behaving that way because they'd rather not face the consequences, real or imagined. To the extent that you can claim one hundred percent responsibility for your situation, regardless of external events, you will develop an incredibly strong and unbreakable frame. To the extent that you can avoid the trap of victim thinking, you will develop an unshakeable frame that will mesmerize and attract others. You certainly can't control events or other people, but you can certainly control how you respond to them. Because feelings of victim hood are so dangerous to frame control, doing some daily exercises to root this out will be of great benefit. Here are some techniques. 105
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
Daily Review At the end of the day, look through the events and find any that made you feel like a victim. Any event where something "shouldn't" have gone the way it did. Any event where somebody did something you think they shouldn't have done, or didn't do something they should have done. For example, let's say you bought your coworker a cup of coffee, and they didn't say thank you. You can start off by saying, "They should have said thank you, but they didn't." Then write down the sentence stem: "Not saying thank you means..." And then write down several different possible meanings. The ones that may make you feel bad might be like this: They don't like me. They don't respect me. They don't appreciate me. Now, ask yourself the following question: "How would I know if that wasn't true?" And then find evidence from recent history that contradicts those assumptions. 106
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
What evidence suggests that they DO like you? What evidence suggests that they DO respect you? What evidence suggests that they do appreciate you? Next, write down some positive meanings to that event. Some of them might be like this: They respect me and they were very busy. They feel very comfortable with me and don't feel they need to say "thank you" every single time. They wanted to say "thank you" but forgot, yet think about me in positive terms. They know they felt happy because of me. Then, simply find evidence in recent history that supports these. What evidence can you find that proves they respect you, even when they are busy? What evidence can you find that proves they feel comfortable around you enough to "let their hair down?" What evidence can you find that proves they think about you in positive terms? 107
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
Next, think of yourself, doing the very same thing. Receiving something from somebody and not saying, "Thank you." Specifically, look for times when you received something, and didn't say “thank you,” but where you still feel good about, respect, and appreciate the other person. Now look at this recent event again with this new understanding. Play it again, in your mind. Start from about a minute before the interaction, and recall to mind the following items: Times when you've received things and forgot to say "thank you," but still respected and appreciated the other person. Evidence that proves that person respects and admires you. Evidence that proves that person feels comfortable around you. Then simply replay the event, with those new, positive meanings in mind. Replay it several times, until it automatically gives you a good feeling, instead of that "victim" feeling you felt earlier. Now, this may sound like a lot of work. But consider these two situations. Situation one is when you don't do the exercise, keep your 108
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
"victim" feeling of "they should have done something that they didn't." How do you think you'll interact with them going forward? Situation two is when you do the exercise, generate some positive, self-affirming and resourceful feelings based on the event. Now how do you think you'll interact with them going forward? This exercise will take a little bit of time and mental effort. But it won't take more than five or ten minutes. If you make a commitment to do this once a day, soon you will star to see random "events' in a much more positive light. Those automatic feelings of being a "victim" will quickly vanish, which will automatically build up your confidence, charisma and frame. Imagine that you're on a date with somebody you find attractive. You've just met, and this is your first date. Let's imagine two different scenarios. The first scenario is when several mishaps come up, and your date's "go to" response is to whine and complain that they never get a break. Pretty soon your date is in a bad mood, and complains the world is out to get them. How do you feel? Now consider the second alternative. The same mishaps occur. But each and every time your date responds by turning it around to something even better. No matter what happens, your date bounces back with an even better 109
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
mood, feeling stronger and more confident. How do you feel? We humans LOVE people who can bounce back and keep going. We LOVE underdog stories for this reason. Few people like to hang out with the guy in the dark corner of the bar who feels beaten down by life. We love the guy or girl who rolls with the punches and turns them into opportunities. You can be that guy or girl, and consistently doing these simple exercises will go a long ways in making that happen.
110
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
So far we've talked about two key concepts, reframing, and outframing. They are both very similar, however they are best applied to different situations. Naturally, there are no absolutes here since we are dealing with human perception of a reality that is always in flux, but there are some guidelines that will help. Reframing is taking an existing meaning, and redefining the elements to better suit your purpose. The girl didn't look at you because she doesn't like you, she didn’t look at you because she was so attracted to you it made her nervous. That red light doesn't mean you are going to be late, it means you now have an extra three or four minutes to mentally prepare for wherever you're going. Your date standing you up doesn't mean you'll be forever lonely, it means that you have a chance to build up your skills in dealing with unforeseen situations. These are perfect examples of healthy reframes. Notice what they all have in common? In each one of them, you are reframing a meaning that you've given to the situation yourself. Your instinct was to give a negative meaning, and by reframing, you can easily give a more positive meaning. As discussed in the last section, with continued practice, this will become more natural and automatic. And as we also discussed in the last section, there is nothing really “between” you and the world. You, and the world, are not two separate and independent entities. You are always 111
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
interacting with the world, and the world is always having an impact on you. By practicing these reframes, you'll soon be more apt to come up with positive spins in the moment, which will affect your behavior, which will affect your outcome as you continuously interact with the world. When Reframes Can Hurt The times when your quickly growing reframing skills might not come in handy are when you try and reframe other people's meanings rather than your own. Of course, you can reframe meanings of others with tremendous results, but it can just as easily backfire and produce the opposite of what you'd intended. Let's say you see an interesting person. Your frame is a conversation that will lead to an exchange of names and contact information. Their frame is for you to leave them alone. Try as you might, every attempt at reframing only digs a deeper hole for yourself. "I'm not interested in meeting anybody right now." "That's because you haven't met me yet! What's your number?" "I'm really busy right now, I don't mean to be rude." "Well, you'll forget all those plans when you find out what a wonderful person I am!" "I'm sure you are, but I really need to get going." 112
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
"That only person that's going anywhere is me, right into your heart, baby." "Help!" As you can see, getting into "frame battles" with others may be fun, may be good for the ego (if you win by brute force) but usually doesn't get what you want. A much better approach, as discussed previously, is outframing. Reframing is kind of like a logical argument. You are changing the content of somebody else's (or your own) frame. A red light isn't something that hurts, it's something that helps. Rain isn't bad for kids, it's good for farmers. The cable going out isn't a terrible thing, it's a great way to catch up on your reading. But as you can imagine, reframing your own meanings is pretty easy. Reframing the meanings that others have given is much more difficult, and potentially combative and disrespectful. Remember, the ideal way to maintain frame dominance is in a way that everybody wins. So what is outframing? Outframing is when you simply make the size of your 113
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
frame bigger than theirs, and make sure their meaning, and their frame is intact, just that it's intact within your larger, more dominant frame. As you’ve already learned, people will naturally gravitate to stronger frames. So the idea with outframing is to let them keep their own frame, and surround it with your bigger, stronger frame, and just let them, on their own, choose to remain in your frame. Then they can either keep their frame, or discard it. Either way is fine. We touched on this earlier when we referred to how to deal with frame tests. This is when you acknowledge what they've said; acknowledge the energy of their frame, while still maintaining your frame. Let's look at some examples. Example One. You walk up to a person you think might make a good romantic partner. Your frame is to talk to them and see if you find their personality interesting, and let them "feel" your personality to see if they find your personality interesting. You walk up and start a conversation, and they say, "I'm already with somebody," in one way or another. You could try reframing, and try and argue with them, question their relationship, or try and demonstrate why you're a better partner. Or you could simply acknowledge their relationship status, validate and amplify it. And then continue with your frame 114
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
of measuring their personality, and demonstrating yours. There's no pressure, you talk to each other, and pretty soon this person is attracted to you for some strange reason. Pretty soon they are calling you (after having that discussion with their significant other that it's time to see other people). They've maintained their frame, while naturally melting into yours. Example Two You walk into your boss’s office with the intention of making your case for a promotion and a raise. Your frame is to give the best presentation possible, and make your boss an offer he can't refuse. You start talking, and when he figures out where you're going, he tells you that there's no money in the budget, and he doesn't have the authority to give you a raise. You could argue with him, try and convince him that giving you a raise will bring in more money, which will expand the budget. Or, you could simply acknowledge the low budget, and the no money situation. Then simply go on with your presentation. You are basically saying, "Yes, I know there's no money. Yes, I know you don't have the authority. And, this is why it's in the company’s best interest to give me a raise." You go on with your presentation, and leave. A day or two passes, and he decides that you're right. He decides, on his own (thus maintaining his own frame) to figure out a way to give you a raise. 115
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
Example Three (Very risky! Please be sure you fully know what you're doing when you try this.) You're on the couch, making out with your girlfriend. She says she's not ready for sex. If you were attempting to reframe her, you would argue that sex isn't such a big deal, or many people have sex on the second or third date, or whatever. Or you could outframe by simply agreeing with her. Agree that waiting for the right time is a good idea. Agree that sex is a very big step, and everybody should take more time considering it before doing it. Then simply go back to what you were doing. To be sure, you'll only have sex when she decides she's ready. But you may be surprised when that happens a lot quicker with outframing compared to reframing. Example Four You and your date are going out to dinner. She wants Chinese, you want Mexican. You sense a fight coming. She makes her case about Chinese food. You could argue that Mexican is better, it's cheaper, it's closer, which could simply make her dig in more. Or you could simply acknowledge everything she's said, and then simply respond with, "I know you want Chinese food. And I really, really want Mexican food. I really love Mexican food. When I eat Mexican food I am really, really happy." 116
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
Notice you're not saying anything about Mexican food vs. Chinese food. Notice you're not saying anything about Chinese food at all. You're only holding your frame about your desire and intention to eat Mexican food. This is a very simple and very powerful tactic. Whenever you are in a disagreement with somebody, the basic strategy is to just say, "I know you want X, and I want Y." When you say "I know you want X," be as honest and open and understanding as possible. When you transition with the "and" (not "but"), be sure you are shifting to a completely different thought. Then express "I want Y," with total sincerity and congruence. When you express "You want Y,” and "I want X" as two totally equal and separate thoughts, they will eventually "give in." Why? Consider this. We all have frames, and all of our frames have content. The true desire to do anything is based on our affinity for the content COMBINED with the strength of our frame. Meaning somebody may LOVE Chinese food, but at the moment, they’re a bit wishy-washy about eating it. They may not be in love with Mexican food, but if somebody has an ultra-strong frame about it, something amazing will happen. Consider these frame components. Say their affinity for Chinese food is X. And the strength of their current frame is 117
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
Y. Their affinity for Mexican food is X1. And the strength of your frame for eating Mexican food is Y1. So long as their total frame+content value for Chinese food (X+Y) is greater than their affinity for Mexican food, plus your frame strength for Mexican food (X1+Y1), they’ll still want to Chinese food. But if you have a sufficiently strong frame, then your frame strength, plus their affinity for Mexican food will be GREATER than their affinity for Chinese plus their frame strength. X1 + Y1 > X + Y Let's put this another way. Even though they don't really love Mexican food, they'll be eating with somebody with a hugely strong frame when it comes to choosing Mexican food for dinner. This will give them a more overall rewarding experience than eating Chinese food with a wishy-washy frame of choosing Chinese food. Put even more simply, the strength of a frame, regardless of its content, will almost always override another weaker frame, regardless of its content. This is a very important concept. Our conscious minds tend to be drawn toward and focus on content. But in reality, we are motivated much more powerfully by structure, which operates on a subconscious level. 118
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
The frame, and the strength of the frame is the structure. That which the frame is all about (in this case Chinese vs. Mexican) is the content. Humans LOVE to be with somebody that has a strong, congruent frame. With a strong enough and congruent enough frame, the actual content won't really matter. This means that whatever your content is, (going to a Mexican restaurant, getting his or her phone number, collecting contact info for potential clients) so long as you have a strong enough frame, people will gladly melt right into it. Not only that, but when you practice outframing, when people do melt into your frame, they'll be doing it for their own reasons. Because in addition to eagerly falling into strong frames, it tends to happen outside of our conscious awareness. We tend to convince ourselves we are doing it for the content, rather than the frame. One powerful example of this is social proof. We know that social proof is one of the many things that can help create a massively strong frame. Example, we see a product that we know everybody has. It's on TV all the time. It's on all the talk shows. We see the product, and the frame is pretty much written for us. "This product is the most popular product in the world, and everybody loves it." 119
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
We will buy the product because of the incredibly strong structure, but we will convince ourselves that we bought the frame for the content, or the product itself. Do people wait in line for days to buy the new iPhone because the features are so much better than every other smart phone? Does this phone predict the movement of stock prices? Does it give us X-ray vision? But ask people waiting in line why they are buying that phone, and few people will tell the truth. Few people will say, "Well, I know this phone is basically the same as every other phone, especially since I only use my phone for a few apps, but since everybody else is getting one, I just have to get one. I know it makes no sense, but I'm in line only because everybody else is. I don't even know what's different about this phone." This is a WONDERFUL aspect of human nature. Because when you do the exercises in this course, and in the appendix, you will be able to create a magnificently strong frame around ANY content. And other people will do all the work convincing themselves why they want to eagerly melt into your frame.
120
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
This has likely been a confusing read. Talking about something that exists on both the conscious and unconscious level, that is always in flux based on your current situation, your current state, and even what you dreamt about last night, is not easy. This is not like learning to shoot free throws or bake a cake. You are learning to control your frame which necessarily requires holding many abstract concepts in mind, and adjusting them as if they were sliders on a graphic equalizer. To make matters even more perplexing, certain situations, certain stimuli and even random thoughts entering into your mind can take the whole process and stuff it down into your unconscious, leaving you wondering what just happened. In that regard, there are two key components of frame control to keep in mind. One is that you've got to keep frame control in mind. Huh? You've got consciously keep some idea of your frame in mind at all times, until you are in that place where everything just "clicks" and people naturally recognize the strength of your frame and eagerly melt right into it. You'll know when this happens. They'll be little resistance in life. People will look at you differently. Contrary to common belief, you'll tend to look out across the vast swarms of humanity not with the mind of an evil scientist bent on 121
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
world domination, but as a gentle, kind leader who genuinely wants the best for everybody. Because by then you'll have had plenty of experiences that the easiest and most respectful way to maintain unbreakable frame dominance is to create a large enough frame that hold your intentions and meanings while allowing for others to choose to melt into yours, based on their own subjective criteria. You'll ditch the idea of being right at the expense of everybody else. People will want to follow you because they can maintain their sense of self, their beliefs while feeling your protection, guidance, and leadership. The bottom line is that humans are born followers. But we don't just follow anybody. We follow people who know where they are going. And know they are going somewhere wonderful. We follow people who have a belief in themselves, and don't require us to lose ourselves in the process. You can be that person. Whether you want to rule the world, or simply have a feeling of natural and kind dominance over anybody you meet, the exercises, ideas, and principles you've learned will help you get there. Think of developing the skills of an ever strong frame as the same as practicing martial arts. The more you practice, the better you'll get. 122
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
Every single interaction you have, every single meaning you give to an event, every single time you involve yourself socially is an opportunity to improve your skills. By committing yourself to doing what it takes to develop an incredibly strong frame, you will develop one. And all the wonderful things that comes with it.
123
George Hutton
mindpersuasion.com
Questions? We’d love to hear from you. You can contact us directly, or take part in our Forum discussion with other members and students of the mind.
Email:
[email protected]
Forum:
http://mindpersuasion.net
124
