Gustave Flaubert THE
D IC T IO N A R Y O F A C C E P T E D ID E A
Tran Transl slat ated ed,, with with intr introd oduc ucti tion on ¬es, b r Jacque Jacquess Barzun Barzun
A New Direc Directio tions ns Pa Paper perboo bookk
FLAUBERT DICT DICTIO ION NARY ARY OF ACCE ACCEPTE PTED D IDEAS IDEAS
FLAUBERT DICTIONARY
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SEVENTH PRINTING
BIBLIO BIBLIOGR GRAPI APIllC llCAL AL
NOTE NO TE
When New Directi irection onss decid decided ed to pu publ blish ish an En Engl glish ish version version of B o u va va rd r d e t P é cu c u ch c h et e t in 1954, Mr. James James Laug Laughli hlin n asked asked me to compl complet etee the the tran transl slat atio ion n of the the Dict Dic t i onna onnaii re des Id Idée éess Reçues Reçu es,, which he knew I had been toying with for some years. I did so, and the translation appeared both with the novel and separately for for the the first first time time in the Unite nited d State tates. s. After fter its its appe appear aran ance ce I kept kept revi revisi sing ng my text text,, in ho hope pess of a secon second d editio edition. n. That hat op oppor portun tunity ity came came when when Max Reinha einhardt rdt of Lon Londo don n broug brought ht ou outt un under der the same same title title a much much impro improved ved text. Iwas was still still unsa unsatisf tisfied ied and and kept kept fiddl fiddling ing (aswe (as well ll as corre correctcting ing mista istake kess of inte interp rpre reta tati tion on in the the no note tes) s),, so as to be read ready y for for a th third ird cha chance, meanwhile ile circ circu ulati latin ng a longish ish errat rrataa list list privat privatel ely y amon among g frie friend nds. s. A ren renew ewed ed dem demand and for for the the littl littlee work work made ade itself itself kn know own n to New Directions about 1966 and and plans plans made made for anothe anotherr editio edition, n, entir entirel ely y rese reset. t. I pu pull lled ed ou outt my inte interl rlin ined ed copy copy on once ce more more and and made ade furth further er chan change ges, s, which hich Mr. Laug Laughl hlin in gave gave me yet on onee more opportu rtunity ity to add to in pro proofs. fs. I am sorry orry to let let my autho thor go, but I thin think k I hav have done all I cou could. ld. There, re, in the the words ords of Byr Byron on,, let let him lay. J .B .
December
22,
1967
INTRODUCTION
b y Jacque Jacquess Barzun Barzun
FOR SOMESIXTYYEARSNOW, French French readers readers of Plaubert's Plaubert's last novel, Bouvard have been been enter entertai taine ned d by bro brows wsin ing g Bouva rd and Pecuche Pecu chett , have thro throug ugh h its its supp supple leme ment nt,, the the Diaionnaire des de s I dees de es Recues, to whic which h is some someti time mess adde added d the the Catal Cat alogu oguee des de s Ide Idees es Chic. Chi c. Half a dozen dozen editi edition onss of this this appe append nded ed matter matter have have come come out out in Fran France, ce, and for the firs irst time ime as a sep separ araate work in 1951.1The The DicDictionary is of course known by reputation in England and Amer Americ ica, a, bette etterr know known n perh perhap apss than than Bouvard itself; but despit spitee some some frag fragme ment ntss ra rath ther er ca care rele less ssly ly tran transl slat ated ed in the maga maga-zine Gentry (Summer 1952), the little work cannot be said to have ave enter tered our liter iteraatur ture as ha have Flau laubert's t's lette etterrs and novels. surprrisin ising g, ther theref efo ore re,, that that the the char charac acte terr of the the DicicI t is not surp tion tionar ary y is freq freque uent ntly ly misu misund nder erst sto ood, od, for for it ca can nnot not be guess uessed ed at from from mere mere desc descri ript ptio ion n or ran rando dom m quot quotat atio ion. n. Inde Indeed ed,, the the use use and effec ectt of the the substance he has lef eftt us we were probably not entirely clear to Flaubert himself The Dictionary and the dial dialog ogue ue of Bouvard show many par araallel llelss, and and Flaub aubert may have have inten intende ded d that that af afte terr his his two two disa disapp ppoi oint nted ed hero heroes es have have give given n up act activ ivee ende endeav avor orss and and star starte ted d "c "cop opyi ying ng"" agai again n they they shou should ld in
Jean Aubier, Aubier, Editeur Editeur,, 2 rue rue des des Beau Beauxx-A Arts, rts, Paris Paris.. A furt furthe herr grou group p of note notess and and quot qu otat atio ions ns was pu publ blis ishe hed d in 19 1966 66 by Genev enevie ieve ve Bo Boll ller erne ne un unde derr the the titl title e Le seco second nd (paris,, Les Les Lett Lettres res Nouve Nouvelle lles). s). The The new new matte matterr do does es not not volu volume me de Bouv Bouvar ard d et Pecuthet (paris add add to the the force of the demo demonst nstrat ratio ion, n, being being secon second-h d-han and d rathe ratherr than than origi origina nal. l. 1
I
fact factco coll llec ectt and and copy copy the the mater ateria ials ls ofth of thee Dictio ictiona nary ry,, toge togeth ther er with with the qu quota otatio tions ns of the so so-ca -calle lled d Album lbum.. or or antho antholo logy gy of absurabsurdities. dities. Both works works exhibit exhibit specim specimens ens of the same same conven convention tional al stup stupid idity ity.. But the the alph alphab abet etfu full of defin definiti ition onss we have have her heree is com compile piled d from from a mass ass of no note tes, s, du dupl plic icat ates es and and vari varian ants ts that that were ere neve neverr even even sorte sorted, d, much uch less less prop propor ortio tione ned d and and po poli lish shed ed by the the autho author. r. We theref therefore ore do him him an injus injustic ticee in calli calling ng these these fly flying ing sh shee eets ts a "wo "work". rk". More ore than than one of them them would very ery likely likely have have been been disca discarde rded d as his his inten intentio tion n grew grew cleare clearerr in the the task of revision. What is perf perfec ectl tly y clea clearr is Plau Plaub bert' ert'ss atti attitu tud de tow toward ards the the objec ob jects ts of his his satire. satire. We We kn know ow his his state state of mind mind from from Bouvard, from from the the lette letters rs,, from from innu innum merab erable le anec anecdo dote tes. s. Trave ravell llin ing g by trai train n durin ring the the tim time he was composing ing the the novel, he was accost accosted ed by by a stran strange ger: r: "Don "Don't't yo you u com come from from So-an So-andd-so so and aren't aren't yo you u a travell traveller er in oil?" oil?" "No," "No," said said Flau Flaube bert, rt, "in vine vinega gar." r." From From infan infancy cy,, we are told told,, he refuse refused d to su suffe fferr fool foolss glad gladly ly;; he would note down the inanities uttered by an old lady who used to visi visitt his his pare parent nts, s, and and by his his twent twentie ieth th year year he alread already y had had in mind ind makin aking g a dictio dictiona nary ry of such such remar remarks ks.. And of cour course se,, like like near nearly ly ever every y Fren French ch artis artistt since since the the Rom oman antic tic peri period od,, he loat loath hed the the bourgeo rgeois is,, whom he once for for all all defm defmed ed as "a bein being g who hose se mod odee of feeli feeling ng is low low". From From the the earl early y 1850'S, Flau Flaube bert rt kept kept writin writing g and and talking talking to his friend friendss abou aboutt this this hand hand-book bo ok,, this this Dict Diction ionary ary,, as his belo belove ved d work work,, his his grea greatt cont contrib ribuution to moral realism. The project was for him charged with a person personal al emotio emotion, n, not simply simply an intellec intellectual tual on one: e: "To "To dissect," dissect," he wro wrote te to Georg eorgee Sand, and, "is "is a form form of reve reveng nge." e." Befo efore its its adap adapta tati tion on to the the req require uirem ments ents of Bouvard, the the sepa separa rate te Dicti ictio onary ary was to mys ysti tify fy as well ell as go goad ad the the ox: "Such a book, with a good preface in which the motive would 2
be stated stated to to be the the desire desire to bring bring the nati nation on back back to Traditio radition, n, Order rder and and Soun und d Con onv venti ention onss-al alll this this so so phr phras ased ed that that the the reade readerr woul would d no nott kn know ow wheth whether er or not not his leg was bein being g pu pulle lled d -such a boo book would certain tainlly be unusual, even likely to succ su cceeed, ed, beca becaus usee it it would uld be entir entireely up to the the minu inute" te" (to (to Bou ouilh ilhet, et, 4th Septem eptembe berr 18 1850 50). ). The sam same anim animus us again against st the philis ph ilistin tinee pu publ blic, ic, which which hardly hardly lets lets up for for an instan instantt throu through ghou outt Plaube Plaubert's rt's letters, was was to fmd fmd overt overt express expression ion in the Dictionary, ictionary, and and with with impu impunit nity: y: "No "No law coul could d attac attack k me, though though I sh shou ould ld atta attack ck eve every ryth thin ing. g. It wou would ld be the the just justifi ifica catio tion n of Wha Whate teve verr is is right right.. I shoul should d sacr sacrifi ifice ce the the grea greatt men to all all the nitw nitwits its,, the the marty artyrs rs to all all the the exec execut utio ione ners rs,, and and do it in a styl stylee carri carried ed to the the wild wildes estt pitc pitch h-fir -firew ewo orks rks . . . Aft After er read readin ing g the the bo boo ok, on onee would be afraid to talk, for fear of using one of the phrases in it" (to Louis Louisee Col Colet, et, 17 17th th Dec Decem embe berr 18 1852 52). ). All this this may be call called ed Them heme I of the the Dicti ictio onary: ry: the the castig stigaatio tion of the the clic liché. This purpo rpose was not new with ith Flau laubert bert,, tho thoug ugh h it aros arosee in him fro from nativ ativee impu impuls lse. e. The cap captio tions of Daum aumier' ier'ss draw rawings ings,, the the say saying ings of M. Jo Jose seph ph Prudh rudho omme in Henri enri Monn nnie ier' r'ss fict fictio iona nall Memoirs of tha that char charac acte terr (185 (1857) 7),, as well ell as a nu num mber ber of othe otherr less less endu endurin ring g works orks,, test testify ify to the the nine ninete teen enth th cent centur ury' y'ss grow growin ing g awar awaren enes esss of mass ass prod produc uctio tion n in wor word d and and thoug thought ht.. In the the on onee year year 18 1879 79,, two contem contempor poraries aries of Flaube Flaubert's, rt's, the celebra celebrated ted hom hom player player and and wit Eug ugèn ènee Vivie ivierr and and the the ob obsc scur uree L'E 'Epi pine ne,, bo both th pu publ blis ishe hed d broch brochure uress havin having g the sam same tende tendenc ncy y asthe projec projected ted Diction ictionary ary.. Flau laubert rea read the them at once and was reli relieeved: "Nothin thing g to fear fear-a -asi sin nine. ine."" In sp spit itee of this this su sum mmary ary dism ismissa issal, l, Viv Vivie ier' r'ss Un peu de ce qui se dit dit tous l esjour esjourss was quite superior to L'Epine's P a rf r f a iti t C a u se s e ur u r and it certa rtainl inly antic ticipa ipated the the ton tone of the Flaube Flaubertian rtian cliché: cliché: "They "They quarrel quarrel all day long, long, but really really adore 3
each oth other." r."-"With ith me, it's t's ju just the the opposite ite: if I did didn n't drink drink any, any, I would wouldn't n't sleep sleep all night. night."! "! The clic cliché hé,, as its nam name indi indica cate tes, s, is the the metal etal plate plate that that clic clicks ks and and repr reprod oduc uces es the the sam same imag imagee mecha echani nica call lly y withou ithoutt end. end. This is wha whatt disting distinguis uishe hess it from from an idiom idiom or a prov proverb erb.. T h e D ic i c titi o na n a ry r y o f C lil i c hé h é s pu publ blis ishe hed d so som me year yearss ago ago by Mr. Eric ric Partr Partrid idge ge stra stradd ddle less seve severa rall sp spec ecie iess of set set ph phra rase sess and and henc hencee bear bearss no lik likenes enesss to Plau Plaube bert rt's 's:: it makes akes no po poin int. t. The true true nature of the thing Flaubert was out to capture and alphabetize was first discussedby an American in our century and endowed by him with a new new nam name which hich has has pas passe sed d into into the the langu languag age: e: Gelett Gelett Burge Burgess's ss's "Are "Are you a Bromide romide 1" appe appeare ared d as a magaz agazine ine article in 1906. In boo book k form form it lists lists forty-e forty-eigh ightt genu genuine ine clic cliché héss (inclu (includin ding g the archety archetypa pal: l: "It "It isn't isn't the mon money ey,, it's the princip principle le of the thin thing" g")) and and it makes akes the fund fundam amen enta tall po poin intt that that "it "it is nott merel no erely y beca becaus usee this this remar remark k is trit tritee that that it is brom bromid idic ic;; it is beca becaus usee with the the Brom Bromid idee the the remar remark k is inevitable." In read readin ing g Flaub lauber ert't'ss Dicti iction onar ary y, this this prin princi cipl plee has has to be borne bo rne in mind, ind, for so som me of the utteran utterance cess pillor pilloried ied are manianifes festly tly tru true; the they have to be said at certai rtain n tim times, being ing in them themse selv lves es neit neithe herr fatu fatuo ous no norr taut tautol olog ogic ical al.. What hat dam damns them them is the the fact fact that that they they are are the the on only ly thin thing g ever ever said said on the subj su bjec ectt by the the middl iddlin ing g sens sensua uall man man.. As in the the works orks of our mod oder ern n lexi lexico cogr grap aphe her-M r-Mr. r. Fran Frank k Sulli ulliva van' n'ss Arbut rbuthn hnot ot,, the the clich clichéé expe expert-th rt-thee form form, imag imagery ery and and intentio intention n of the remark remarkss are imme immediate diately ly recogniz recognized ed as approve approved, d, accepte accepted, d, inescap inescapable able,, beforee they they begin begin.. In Plau Plaube bert's rt's entou entourag ragee these these expre expressreçues befor - sion sionss recu recurre rred, d, more ore frequ frequen entt and and regu regula larr than than the the tides tides,, and and drov drovee him him fran franti tic. c. For For we sh sho ould uld rem rememb ember that that he pass passed ed • • • •
1
~• • • • • • • • • • • •
~• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
Vivier, op. cit., pp. pp. 3 and and 99. 99.
4
Q• • • • •
much of his lif lifee at Crois roisse set, t, on the the rig right bank of the the Sein eine belo elow Rouen, and and was forc forced ed to liste isten n ther theree to much con convers versat atio ion n that that was no nott sim simply bourge urgeo ois and and philis ilisti tin ne, bu butt inv invinci incibl bly y rep repetit etitio ious us and and provi rovin ncial cial.. Trace racess of this this agg aggraravation vation are abun abundan dantt in the Diction Dictionary ary (e.g. (e.g. COFFEE FFEE,COTTON, C , OTTON, CLO LOTH TH), ),and and on onee may surmi surmise se that that in the finish finished ed work work these these loca locall allu allusio sions ns wou would ld have have been been eith either er elim elimin inate ated d or signa signallized ized as ho hom me varian variants ts of cosmic cosmic brom bromidism. idism. At any any rate, rate, to Flau Flaube bert rt thes thesee repeti repetitio tions ns prov proved ed more ore than than signs signs of du dull llne ness ss,, they they were ph phil ilos osop ophi hicc clue cluess from from which hich he inferre inferred d the trans transfor form mation ation of the huma human n being being un under der machine achine capi capital talism ism.. This his he took took as a perso persona nall affro affront nt.. Repre eprese sent ntin ing g Mind, ind, he fough foughtt the the encro encroac achm hmen entt of matte matterr and and mecha echani nism sm into into the the empt empty y plac places es that that sh sho ould uld hav have been een mind inds. He kept ept seek seekin ing g way wayss of ren renderin ring what he saw saw, and and in add additio ition n to and the Dic Dicti tio onary nary,, he got got as far far as writi ritin ng and and circ circuu Bouvard and lati lating ng-n -no o on onee wo would uld produ roduce ce it-a it-a so sort rt of Expres pressi sio onist nist play play called The Castle which h the effect effect was was to be "comic "comic Castle of Hearts Hearts,, of whic and and sinist sinister" er".. The chief chief scene scene wou would ld sh show ow,, thro throug ugh h the the glas glasss wall wallss of identi identical cal house housess alon along g a Paris Paris street, street, identica identicall bo bourg urgeo eois is families families eating identical identical meals meals and exchang exchanging ing identical identical words words to identical gestures. This of course is akin to the scheme of Zola's Pot-Bo and many many anot anothe herr attem attempt pt at Pot-Boui uill llee (Rest (Restle less ss House) House) and lite litera rary ry Unanim animis ism m sinc since: e: the the devi device ce was was in the the air air with the the hum of machinery. But while hile givi giving ng the the nin ninete eteen enth th cent centur ury y its sh shar aree in the forformation ation of the bourg bourgeo eois is and and brom bromide, ide, on onee must not not ov overl erloo ook k a seco second nd infl influe uenc ncee at work ork in sh shap apin ing g Flau Flaube bert's rt's materi aterial al.. The Dictiona ictionary ry frequen frequently tly derid derides es the special specially ly French French as again against st the Europ Eu ropean ean or world world ou outlo tlook ok;; the stay stay-at-at-ho hom me timidi timidity ty and and love love of the famil familiar iar which which,, alth althou ough gh a unive universa rsall trait, trait, is reinf reinfor orce ced d 5
in Fran rance by a trad tradit itio ion n of com complace lacen ncy that that dates ates back ack to Loui Louiss XIV. XIV. This his is what what Flau Flaube bert rt had had in mind ind when hen he sp spok okee of his his work work brin bringi ging ng back back the nati nation on to Tradi Traditio tion, n, Order rder and and Soun Sound d Con onven ventio tions. ns. (See (See the comm comment ent up upon on the arch architec itectur tural al orde orders rs and and all all the the refer referen ence cess to the the caus causes es of the the Revol evolut utio ion. n.)) The reception of Salammbô by the Paris critics, and particularly by Sainte-Beuve, illustrated for him the same self-centerdness. To this this one one mus ustt add add that that the the Fren French ch langu languag age, e, desp despite ite its marv arvello ellous us po pow wer of com combini bining ng forc forcee and and su subt btle lety ty,, is tratraditio ition nally ally a lan language of clic clich hés. és. Read eadymade ade exp express ressio ion ns abound and are to be preferred; indeed it is not not licit to brea break k them them up up,, it is "ext "extra rava vaga gant nt". ". The seve sevent ntee eent nthh-ee eent ntur ury y aest aesth hetic eticia ian n Père ère Bouhours has an anec anecd dote on this this point int which which has becom becomee famou famous-al s-almo most st a cliché cliché:: a piece piece of of writi writing ng havi having ng been been sh show own n to an "illus "illustri triou ouss perso persona nage ge", ", this this arbite arbiterr of taste smiled and said: "These words must be greatly astonis astonished hed to find find them themselve selvess togeth together, er, for assure assuredl dly y they had never met before." It is bu butt a few few steps steps from from this this to Flau Flaube bert's rt's "alw "alway ayss prec preced eded ed (or (or follow followed ed)) by by"" and and his oth other er set set dev device ices. s. They hey all all indi indica cate te a fixity fixity,, which which on reflec reflectio tion n is seen seen to go beyon beyond d forms forms of speech speech or lack lack of idea ideass or or aimle aimless ss parro parrotin ting. g. Social ocial in orig origin in,, it is lust lust for for orde orderr thro throug ugh h conv conven entio tion. n. Take, ake, for for exam exampl ple, e, Flau Flaube bert' rt'ss (tanner contre) contre).. The injuncgreat great negat negative ive:: "Thu "Thund nder er again against" st" (tanner tion tion succin succinctly ctly represen represents ts the agreed agreed-up -upon on necessi necessity ty to defen defend d the family family,, prop property erty,, religi religion on-th -thee famou famouss "base "bases" s" of so societ cietyyagains againstt attack. attack. Nor is this this a Frenc French h trait trait exclu exclusiv sively ely.. One One thinks thinks at once once of Trollo rollope's pe's Jupiter and and Thunderer newspapers thundering ing on the the sam same su subj bjec ects ts and and of Mr. Pods Podsna nap p lean leanin ing g on his his mantelpiece while he lectures about the British constitution to (it so hap happe pens ns)) a Fren French chm man. an. Almos lmostt every every so socia ciall critic critic of the the 6
nineteen nineteenth th century century was persuad persuaded ed that more light sho shone ne beyo beyond nd the the fron fronti tier er,, and and Dicke ickens ns and and Flaub lauber ertt are are at on onee abou aboutt the the ubiquitous Podsnap underfoot. The affirm affirmati ative ve cou counte nterpa rpart rt of "Thu "Thund nder er again against" st" is "Ve "Very ry swank" (très chic or bien porté). Th This is design designate atess words words and and acts acts which deviate from the norm without undermining the "bas "bases es"; "; here here is var varie iety ty which hich will ill no nott brin bring g on revo revolu luti tion on.. For For revolu revolutio tion n is the bugbe bugbear ar behin behind d much uch of the thund thunderi ering ng,, and and no read reader er of hist histor ory y can can qu ques esti tion on the the real reality ity of the the thre threat at.. In Eng ngli lish sh-s -spe peak akin ing g coun countr trie iess on onee tend tendss to imag imagin inee that that the the Contin tinent was then then fre freer in mind ind tha than England, prec recisel isely y because because it indulged indulged in frequen frequentt uprisings uprisings.. Flaubert Flaubert's 's Dictionary ictionary shou sh ould ld su suff ffic icee to sh show ow that that Fran France ce had had its its Victo ictori rian anis ism m too. too. The conn connec ecti tion on betw betwee een n sexu sexual al and and po poli liti tica call conf confor orm mity ity is wellwell-kn know own, n, and sex sexual ual matters atters,, it is clear, clear, occup occupy y in Flaub Flaubert ert's 's defin definitio itions ns a place place that that woul would d be dispr disprop oport ortion ionate ate if it were were no nott so un unm mista istaka kabl bly y a cul cultu tura rall sign sign.. Som omee of the the item items un unde derr this this head so sou und fan fantast tastic ic to us, other therss quite ite up-to -to-da -date. te. Other ther entri entries es,, whic which h are are free free from from eith either er sex sex or po poli liti tics cs,, rem remind ind us that that democ democrat ratic ic jealou jealousy sy and compe competiti tition on were were alread already y strong strong and and theref therefore ore repres repressed sed,, theref therefore ore gu guilt ilty y and and aggres aggressiv sivee in the small wa ways we know so well-for example, giving your neig neighb hbor or the the benef benefit it of you yourr su supe peri rior or kn know owle ledg dge: e: "The "The on only ly good X comes from Y." To the the exte exten nt that that so som me of the the rem remarks rks "da "date," te," the the Diciction tionar ary y is an adm admirab irable le do docu cum ment. ent. A go good od many any sayi saying ngss are are insp inspir ired ed by the the Franc Francoo-Pr Prus ussi sian an war which hich,, as we kn know ow from from Gob obin inea eau' u'ss sear search chin ing g essa essay y on the the débâ débâcl cle, e, let let loos loosee an un un-prec preced eden ente ted d amou amount nt of no nons nsen ense se.. In su such ch circ circum umst stan ance cess the the clic cliché hé beco becom mes a sh shie ield ld agai agains nstt hard hard trut truth, h, hu hum milia iliati tion on and and despa despair. ir. And And that that is the momen momentt seize seized d by the the satiri satirist st to aven avenge ge 7
him himself self,, like like a rebo reborn rn Cassa assand ndra ra,, by diss dissec ectin ting g the pres presen ent: t: "All our tro trouble," le," write ritess Flau laubert to George rge Sand in the the wretche retched d year year 1871, "com "comes es from from ou ourr gigan gigantic tic ignoran ignorance ce ... When shall shall we get over over empty empty specula speculation tion and accepted accepted ideas? ideas? What hat sho should uld be studie studied d is belie believe ved d without without discu discussi ssion on.. Instea Instead d of exam examining, ining, people people pontificate pontificate." ." In so saying, saying, Flaubert Flaubert states Th Them emee 2 of the Dictionary-the attack attack on misinform misinformation ation,, prejudice prejudice and incohe incoherenc rencee as regards regards matte atters rs of fact fact.. Flau Flaube bert rt has has an infal infallib lible le ear ear for for the the cont contra ra-dictions that everybody everybody absent-mindedly absent-mindedly repeats: "ABS "ABSINT INTHE HE-Viole iolent nt po pois ison on:: on onee glas glasss and yo you' u're re dead dead.. Newsp ewspap aper erm men drin drink k it as they they write write thei theirr copy copy." ." He plum plumbs with with equa equall sure sure-ness ness the the depth depthss of wellell-br bred ed igno ignora ranc ncee-or or rath rather er his his eye eye take takess in at a glan glance ce the the sho shoal alss of com common kn know owled ledge ge:: peop people le know know only nly two two thin things gs abou aboutt Archi rchim medes edes,, no nott thre three. e. Here ere too, too, in cultu culture re,, art, art, hist histor ory, y, scie scienc ncee and and so soci cial al thou though ght, t, so som me thin things gs are to be thu thundered red agains inst, othe thers are very swank. The bour bo urg geois eois mind ind in this this depa depart rtm ment ent of life life is a com compo poun und d of error, error, peda pedantr ntry, y, misplac isplaced ed scorn, scorn, fatuo fatuous us levity levity and and ignora ignoranc ncee of its ignorance. As before fore in lang anguage, so again in opinio inion n, the the Fren rench trad tradit itio ion n works orks tow towards ards a conv conven enti tion onal al narr narrow owin ing. g. Fren French ch textbo textbook okss repea repeatt the same same views, views, offer offer the same same extrac extracts ts and, and, lest lest the stud studen entt sh shou ould ld rash rashly ly vent ventur uree on a perc percep eptio tion n of his his own, own, gu guid idee him him with foot footno note tess to the the corre correct ct criti critici cism sm o off the text: text: the child child reads reads and and repea repeats ts aprop apropos os of a verse verse or or a turn turn of X ,an"d t ehe. lik In Phr ase: '"m e t a p h o r e h a r d ie , " " p I'Ie' o n a s m e V I C.i e .U X, worki working ng at Bouvard Flaub Flaubert ert consu consulte lted-o d-orr had had help helpers ers abstra abstract ct for for him him-ove -overr a thou thousa sand nd works orks of refe refere renc ncee or inst instru ruct ctio ion, n, from from which hich he cull culled ed the the enor enorm mitie itiess that that enli enlive ven n the the page pagess of that that nov ovel el and and that that were ere also also to fill fill out its its docu documenta entary ry 8
seq sequel el.. The The Di Dict ctiionar nary appe appear arss as a ves vesti tibu bulle bet etwe ween en two storerooms. But But th thee syst ystemat ematiic hunt for for ho how wle lerrs becam ecamee dan danger gerou ouss to thee hu th hunt nter er and and to his his pla plan. n. It is is no nott simp simply ly th that at th thee tw twoo cl cler erks ks,, whose lives were first to be chronicled as M em e m oi oir s o f T w o urnedd into subt subtlle and and in inggeni eniou ouss spo spokesm kesmen en for Cockroaches, turne thei th eirr creat creator or (e.g (e.g.. Chap Chapte ters rs IV and and V on lite litera ratu ture re and and hi hist stor ory) y) butt th bu that at Fl Flau aube bert rt hi hims msel elff beca became me some someth thin ingg of a peda pedant nt.. In the the Dict Di ctio iona nary ry he grow growss scho school olma marm rmis ishh ov over er comm common on expr expres essi sion onss that hat are are ju just stif ifiiabl able and and usefu sefull, such such as that hat whic whichh mar marks th thee cont contra rast st betw betwee eenn warm warmed ed ai airr in in a shel shelte tere redd spot spot and and th thee op open en air which which is cooler cooler.. (See (See AIR AIRand and also also ACCI ACCIDEN DENT, T,EARTH,LILAC.) EARTH,LILAC.) Elsewh Elsewhere ere he shows shows off off min minute ute knowle knowledge dge acquir acquired ed in trac trackin kingg down gross errors; he grows ungenerous (WRITE); and in reco record rdin ingg th thee many many supe supers rsti titi tion onss abou aboutt heal health th and and hygi hygien ene, e, he surely surely confu confuses ses old old peasant peasant not notion ionss wit withh th thee more more repreh reprehens ensib ible le (bec (becau ause se "ed "educ ucat ated ed") ") prej prejud udic ices es th that at have have repl replac aced ed th thee firs first.t. He was was full fullyy awar awaree of hi hiss dang danger er:: "The "The bo book ok I am am work workin ingg on could could have have as subsub-ti titl tle, e, Ency Encycl clop opae aedi diaa of Huma Humann St Stup upid idit ity. y. The The un unde dert rtak akin ingg gets gets me down down and and my subj subjec ectt beco become mess part part of me me ... ... " To th this is imm mmer ersi sion on we may may per perhaps aps at atttrib ribut utee a sli slip he wou would ld certai certainly nly have have ridicu ridiculed led in anothe anotherr writer writer:: "SCAFF "SCAFFOLD OLD -When upon it, man manage to sa say a few elo eloquent words before unde ders rsco core re th thee word wordss rath rather er th than an Pl Plau aube bert rt's 's care carele less ss-dying." I un ness ness,, for for he was read readyy to make make fun fun of him himse self lf un unde derr th thee same same rubric as the the bourgeois. The comment on FULMINATE(a favo favori rite te verb verb of his his)) is is sure surely ly di dire rect cted ed at hims himsel elf, f, and and we kn know ow from from a no note te in the the Catal Catalog ogue ue th that at he pl plan anne nedd to inc inclu lude de amon amongg itss blunde it blunders rs a sent sentenc encee from from M a da d a m e B ov o v a ry ry . In coll collec ecti ting ng spok spoken en and and print printed ed no nons nsen ense se Fl Flau aube bert rt had had even even more mo re pred predec eces esso sors rs th than an in recor recordi ding ng clic cliché hés. s. The sottisier is an 9
old Fren rench genre, re, which ich in our day is re represe resen nted ted by Curnonsky's L e Musée des Erreurs and George Jean Nathan's Great A m e ri r i c an a n C r ed e d o, o , as well as T he h e N ew e w Y or o r k e r ' s vigilant vigilant scanning scanning of the dail daily y pres press. s. But But since since Flau Flaube bert rt did did no nott live live to write rite the the pref prefac acee to his his Dict Dictio iona nary ry,, the the analy analysi siss of Them heme 2 is lacking. For For a clue clue com compara parabl blee to Gelet elettt Burge urgess ss's 's on onee mus ustt go to a chap chapter ter in Georg Georgee Campb ampbell ell's 's P h ilil o so s o p hy h y o f R h et e t o ri r i c : "Why "Why is it Non onse sens nsee so ofte often n esca escape pess bot both h read reader er and and write riterr e" The answ answer er is: we think think by signs, signs, and and the conn connect ected ednes nesss they have have acqu acquir ired ed as sig signs ns make makess us beli believ evee in the the conn connec ecti tion on of the the thing thingss they they stand stand for. for. Th Thus us in the Dictio Dictionar nary: y: "AN "ANTICID ICIDuS uST TVolta oltaire ire,, Renan enan ... " or "LYN "LYNx-A x-Anim nimal fam famou ouss for its its eye. eye."" Nascen scentt specia ecialliza izatio tion in Plau laubert' ert'ss day obviou iously sly encoura couraged ged the sin of affirm affirming ing witho without ut exam examini ining ng and and he found found brilli brilliant ant ways ways of showing showing this. this. One is the recurre recurrent nt "Mean "Meaning ing unknown" (o (onn ne sait sai t pas pa s ce que c'est), with its varia variant nt : "Nob "Nobod ody y is expe expect cted ed to know know." The othe otherr is a dev devic icee that that dese deserv rves es to be called Flaubertismus. It cons consist istss in pluc plucki king ng ou outt of all all poss possib ible le usage ages the the two two unrela relate ted d ones that that are are tru truly common and excl exclus usiv ive, e, thus thus "GR "GRou oupp-S Suita uitabl blee for for a mant mantel elpi piec ecee and and in politics." (See also PROS PROSPEC PECTS TS and UNLEASH.) But like like stup stupid idity ity and and peda pedant ntry ry,, sp spec ecia iali liza zatio tion n is catch catchin ing. g. Stend tendha hall had had po poin inte ted d ou outt long long befo before re Flau Flaube bert rt that that "an "an idio idiott who kn know owss a dat datee can can disco disconc ncer ertt the the wittie ittiest st man" an" At tim times Flau laubert did not not quite ite know with ith whom to side ide, the the wit wit or the the man man with ith a date date.. He seem seemss to be, be, as we say in our our jarg jargon on,, a real realis ist. t. He deri deride dess ange angels ls,, wings ings,, po poet etry ry and and lake lakess-w which hich look lookss like like thro throw wing ing Rom oman antic ticis ism m to the dogs dogs.. But But he is full full of Rom oman antic ticism ism and and will will not let it be want wanton only ly attack attacked ed by anyanybody bo dy bu butt him himself self.. By reve revers rsee sarc sarcas asm m he defe defend ndss drea dream mers, ers, poet po ets, s, idea ideals ls,, grea greatt men agai agains nstt fool fools, s, and and marty artyrs rs agai agains nstt 10
real realis ists ts.. In the the end end he does does no not take take sid sides but kn know owss what he thin thinks ks.. Abo bout ut liter literat atur ure, e, po poli litic ticss and and reli religi gion on he qu quot otes es the the curre current nt cant cant of bo both th partie partiess and and berates berates it with with bad bad puns, puns, do doub uble le ente entend ndre ress and and forg forgot otten ten joke jokes. s. What hat he stea steadi dily ly deno denoun unce ces, s, then then,, is not the the bourgeo rgeois is as su such ch-s -sin ince ce the the poor creat reatu ure cann cannot ot pleas pleasee him him by sayi saying ng eit eithe herr white ite or black lack-b -but ut the the bourgeo rgeois is "sty style" in the the Nietz ietzsc sch hean sen sense, se, that that is to say say, lack lack of of style style.. The bo bour urge geoi oiss as an hist histor oric ic ph phen enom omen enon on and and a live live ob obno noxi xiou ouss neig neighb hbor or is los lostt in a fron frontal tal assa assaul ultt on what what has bee been n the the enem enemy y aU alon alongg-la lack ck of pass passio ion n and and imag imagin inaation. Tho houg ugh h all all these these are large large targ target etss and and stron strong g hatre hatreds ds,, their their pres presen ence ce is conv convey eyed ed for for the the mos ostt part part by irony irony and and innu innuen endo do and and in the the mos ostt laco lacon nic Fren French ch imag imagin inab able le.. The task task of the the transla translator tor can then thence ce be inferr inferred ed as more ore than than us usual ually ly arduou arduous. s. To give anything anything like the the impress impression ion of the original original,, he must must be just just asnatu asnatural ral and fully fully as qu quick ick.. Yet Yet he mus mustt jump jump the langu languag agee barrie barrierr from from clich clichéé to clich clichéé whil whilee carry carrying ing from from on onee cultur culturee and background to the their counter terparts what "everybody know kn ows" s"-o -orr do does esn't n't kn know ow.. He is cont contin inua uall lly y bese besett by by dilem dilem-mas, tempte tempted d by lesser lesser adva advanta ntage ges, s, threat threaten ened ed by ambig ambiguit uities ies.. Whether hether to take the obvious obvious but factually factually different different equivalent equivalent;; wheth whether er to mak makee clear what what the Eng nglish lish requ require iress if any any mean meaning ing is to emer emerge ge,, even even thoug though h the the Fren French ch is cont conten entt with a vag vague ue-ness, ness,that iswh is wholly olly intelligi intelligible; ble; whether whether to say "you" "you" for" on"the the prono pronoun un which hich Flau Flaube bert rt wou ould ld have have had to inven inventt had had it nott alread no already y existe existed: d: on dit, on ne sait pas; wheth hether er to rend render er identi identical cal expre expressi ssion onss identi identical cally ly throu through ghou out, t, at the cost cost of one misfit isfit ou outt of thre three; e; wheth hether er to om omit or rere-in inve vent nt-th -thes esee and and a multitud mu ltitudee of other other question questionss arise at every turn, turn, som sometim etimes es two or thre threee abre abreas astt ,in on onee defin definiti ition on.. I I
I shall not argue here for the points of method I have foll follow owed ed.! .! but sim simply list list so som me of the the com comprom promis ises es I hav have made, ade, mentio entionin ning g at the same same time time that that the note notess marke marked d "Fr" "Fr" give ive the the sig signific ificaant Fren rench word where erever a wid widee leap eap of deno denotat tation ion was was taken taken for for the sake sake of indispen indispensab sable le immed immediac iacy y of unders dersta tan ndin ding. I hav have us used ed quo quotati tatio on marks arks much more ore free freely ly than than Flau Flaube bert, rt, to stre stress ss the the thing thing said said as agai agains nstt the mere mere belie belief; f; I have have used used analo analogie giess from from Eng nglis lish h and and American erican life, life, tags tags from from Eng nglish lish and and American erican autho authors, rs, just like like chan change gess in deno denotati tation on,, for imm immediac ediacy; y; I have have felt felt similar similarly ly free in mixi mixing ng tones, tones, using using our centur century's y's collo colloqu quial ialism ismss side by side side with with such such express ressio ion ns as "Th "Thunder agai again nst" st" and "Wax ind indign ignant, ant,"" which hich I felt were were Plau Plaube bert' rt'ss just just levy levy on his his conte contem mpo pora rarie ries' s' idiom. Finall Finally, y, I have com combined bined certain certain entrie entriess un unde derr on onee head head,, for conv conven enien ience, ce, or perfor perforce ce when when there there was was but but on onee Eng nglis lish h word word for two two Frenc French h sy syno nony nym ms that that Flau Flaube bert rt had had treated treated separa separatel tely y Catalog ogue ue des des (FEU,INC (FEU, INCEN ENDIE DIE). ).The twe twenty-o ty-on ne item itemss of the the Catal were left left out out as bein being g too too fragm fragmen enta tary ry and and often often too too Idées Chic were parochial. The notes upon it would have taken more room than the the list list itsel itself, f, and and the the impr impres essi sion on of so much much sem semi-rec i-recon ondi dite te matter atter wou ould ld have have sp spoi oile led d whatev hatever er un unity ity of effec effectt had had been been achiev achieved ed in render rendering ing the Diction ictionary ary.. I t also, also, one one canno cannott too frequ frequen ently tly repe repeat at,, is bu butt a mas masss of not notes es ou outt of a fold folder er.. Wou Would ld that all our scattered papers held half so insidious an appeal to later minds!
..•.•......•..•.•.........•.............•..... Read Reader erss inte intere rest sted ed in pro probl blem emss of tra trans nsla lati tion on will will find find my view viewss stat stated ed at some some lengt lengthh in an an arti articl clee publ publis ished hed in Partisan Revielv for for Nove Novemb mber er-D -Dec ecem embe berr r953 r953.. 1
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A ABELARD.No need eed to hav havee any any not otio ionn of his his ph phil ilos osooph phy, y, nor even even to know know th thee titl titles es of his work works. s. Just Just refe referr di disc scre reet etly ly to hiss mu hi muti tila lati tion on by Fulber Fulbert.t. The The grav gravee of Abe Abela lard rd and and Helo Heloïs ïse: e: if some someon onee te tell llss you you it is is apoc apocry ryph phal al,, excl exclai aim: m: "You "You rob rob me of my illusions !" ABSALOM. Ifhe Ifhe had had worn worn a wi wig, g, Joab Joab coul couldd no nott have have murder murdered ed him. hi m.'' Fa Face ceti tiou ouss name name for for a bal baldd frie friend nd.. ABSINTHE.Ext E xtra-v ra-vio iole lent nt po pois isoon: one gla lass ss and and you ou'r'ree dead ead. News Newspa pape perm rmen en drin drinkk it as th they ey writ writee th thei eirr copy copy.. Has Has ki kill lled ed more more soldie soldiers rs than the Bedouin. Bedouin.êê ACADEMY,FRENCH.Run R un it do down, wn, but try to bel eloong to it if yo youu can. ACCIDENT.Alwa A lwayys "reg "regrret etttable able"" or "u "unl nluc uckky" y"-a -ass if a mi mish shap ap migh mi ghtt some someti time mess be a cause cause for rejo rejoic icin ing. g. ACIllLLES.Add Add "fle "fleet et of foo foot" t":: peop people le wi will ll th thin ink: k: yo you' u've ve read read Homer. ACTRESSES.The ruin of young men of good family. Are fearfully lascivious; engage in "nameless orgies" ; run thro th roug ughh fort fortun unes es;; end end in in the the poor poorho hous use. e. "I beg to to diffe differ, r, sir: sir: some some are excelle excellent nt mot mother herss !" .
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IS. Allu Allusi sion on to Samu Samuel el II, II, IS. • Allu Allusi sion on to th thee French French conq conque uest st of Alge Algeri ria. a. 1
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ADMI ADMIRA RAL. L.Alwa Always ys brav brave. e. Inva Invari riab able le swea swearr-wo word rd:: "S "Shi hive verr my timbe ti mbers rs !"1 ADVERTISING. Larg Largee fort fortun unes es are are made made by it. it. AFFAIRS(BUSINESS).Come firsc. A wo woman must not refer to hers hers.. The The mo most st im impo port rtan antt th thin ingg in li life fe.. Be-al Be-alll and and endend-al all.l. AGRICULTURE. One of the two nou ourrish ishing brea breast stss of th the stat statee (the state is masculine, but never mind). Should be encour courag aged ed.. Sh Shor ortt of hand hands. s. AIR. AIR. Beware Beware of draft draftss of air. air. The depths depths of the the air are in invar variab iably ly unli un like ke th thee surf surfac ace. e. If th thee form former er are are warm warm,, th thee latte latterr is cold cold,, and vice versa. ALABASTER. Its Its use is is to to desc descri ribe be th thee mo most st beau beauti tifu full part partss of a woma woman' n'ss bo body dy.. ALBI ALBION ON..Al Alwa ways ys prec preced eded ed by whit white. e.êê perf perfid idio ious us or Po Posi siti tivi vist st.. Napoleon only failed by a ha hair's breadth to conquer it. Prai Praise se it: it: "fre "freed edom om-l -lov ovin ingg Engl Englan and. d."" ALCIBIADES.Famous for his dog's tail. Typical debauchee. Cons Consor orte tedd wi with th Aspa Aspasi sia. a. ALCOHOLISM. Cause of all modern diseases. (See ABSINTHEand TOBACCO.) AMBITION.Alwa Always ys prec preced eded ed by "mad," "mad," un unle less ss it be be "nobl "noble. e."" AMERICA.Famou Famouss exampl examples es of inj injust ustice ice:: Colum Columbu buss discov discovere eredd it and and it is is name namedd afte afterr Amer Amerig igoo Vesp Vespuc ucci ci.. If it w wer eren en't't for for thee di th disc scov over eryy of Amer Americ ica, a, we shou should ld no nott be suff suffer erin ingg from from syph syphil ilis is and and ph phyl yllo loxe xera ra.ê .ê Exal Exaltt it ail th thee same same,, expe expeci ciai aily ly if
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__
. .. . . . • . . . . . . . . . . • . . . • . . . •
_ _. .
~ .~ ._ ._.
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Mille sabords sabords!" !" Fr:" Mille
Beca Becaus usee of the whit whitee clif cliffs fs of of Dover Dover.. Diseas asee of the the grape grape.. In poin pointt of fact fact,, when phyl phyllo loxe xera ra near nearly ly kill killed ed off off the the Fren French ch S Dise vine viness in 1896 1896,, they they were were rest restore oredd by graft graftin ingg Amer Americ ican an plan plants ts.. 2
14
you've you've never never been been there. there. Lectu Lecture re people people on selfself-gov govern ernmen ment.t. AMPHITHEATER. You will know of only one, that of the Beaux Beaux-Ar -Arts ts School School.. ANDROCLES.Menti ention on him and and his lilion when hen some someon onee spea speakks of animal tamers. ANGEL. ANGEL.Eminentl Eminentlyy suitable suitable for love and literatur literature. e. ANGE ANGER. R.Stir Stirss the the blood blood:: heal health thfu full to yield yield to it now now and and th then en.. ANIMALS."If "If on only ly du dumb mb anim animal alss coul couldd spea speak! k! So ofte oftenn mo more re intell int ellige igent nt than than men." men." ANT. ANT.Mo Mode dell to cite cite in in fron frontt of a spen spendt dthr hrif ift.t. Su Sugg gges este tedd th thee id idea ea of savings banks. ANTICHRIST. Volt Voltai aire re,, Rena Renann ... ... ANTIQUES.Al Alwa ways ys mo mode dem m fake fakes. s. ANTIQUIT ANTIQUITY Y(AND EVERYTHI EVERYTHING NG CONNECTED CONNE CTEDWITH IT). Out of date date,, an awful awful bo bore re.. APART APARTMEN MENT T(BACHE (BA CHELOR LOR'S 'S). A ). lw lway ayss in a mess, ess, wit ithh femi emini ninne garments strewn about. Stale cigarette smoke. A sear earch woul wouldd reve reveal al amaz amazin ingg th thin ings gs.. APLOMB.Alwa Always ys "p "per erfe fect ct"" or "diabo "diaboli lica cal.l."" APRICOTS."Non "Nonee to be had had agai againn th this is yea year. r."" ARCHIMEDES. On hear hearin ingg his name, ame, sho shout "Eu "Eurek reka!" a!" Or el elsse: "Giv "Givee me a fulc fulcru rum m and and I wi will ll mo move ve th thee world world"" Ther Theree is also also Arch Archim imed edes es'' scre screw, w, bu butt yo youu are are not not expe expect cted ed to kno know w what what it is. ARCHITECTS. Alll idi Al idiot ots: s: th they ey al alwa ways ys forg forget et to put put in th thee stai stairs rs.. ARCHITECTURE. Ther Theree are are but fou ourr arch archit itec ecttural ural order rderss. Fo Forrgetting, of course, the Egyptian, Cyclopean, Assyrian, Hind Hi ndoo oo,, Chin Chines ese, e, Gothi Gothic, c, Roma Romane nesq sque ue,, etc. etc. IS
ARISTOCRACY. Despise and envy it. ARMY. ARMY.Th Thee bu bulw lwar arkk of socie society ty.. ARSEN SENIC. Found in everything. Bring up Mme. Lafarge.! And And yet yet cert certai ainn peop people less eat eat it. it. ART. Shortest path to the poorhouse. What use iiss itit smce mach machin iner eryy can can make make th thin ings gs bett better er and and qu quic icke kerr 1 ARTI ARTIST STS. S.Al Alll char charla lata tans ns.. Prai Praise se th thei eirr di disi sint nter eres este tedn dnes esss (old fashioned). Expr Expres esss surp surpri rise se th that at th they ey dres dresss like like eve every ryon onee el else se (old-fashioned). They earn huge sum sums and squander them. Ofte Oftenn aske askedd to di dine ne ou out. t. Woma Womann arti artist st neces necessa sari rily ly a whor whore. e. What What arti artist stss do canno cannott be call called ed work work.. Asp. Asp. Ani Anima mall kn know ownn th thro roug ughh Cleo Cleopa patr tra' a'ss bask basket et of figs figs.. ASSASSIN.Al Alwa ways ys a cow cowaard, rd, eve even whe when he acte actedd wi with th dari daring ng and and cour courag age. e. Yet Yet le less ss repr repreh ehen ensi sibl blee th than an a fire firebu bug. g. ASTRONOMY.Delightful science. Of use only to sailors. In speak speakin ingg of it, it, make make fun fun of astr astrol olog ogy. y. ATHEISTS."A "A nati nation on of athe atheis ists ts canno cannott survi survive ve." ." AUTHORS.One One shou should ld "k "kno now w a few, few,"" neve neverr mi mind nd th thei eirr name namess .
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..
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Marie-Fo Marie-Fortuné rtunéee Lafarge Lafarge (1816-1852), prin princi cipa pall in a famou famouss murde urderr case case (1840), in which which the detecti detection on of arsen arsenic ic led to a miscar miscarria riage ge of justic justice. e. 1
r6
B B.A. DEGREE.Thunde Thunderr agains against.' t.' BACHELORS. All self-cent self-centered, ered, all rakes. rakes. Should Should be taxed. taxed. Headed Headed for for a lo lone nely ly ol oldd age. age. BACK.A slap on the back can start tuberculosis. 2 own BAGNOLET.T own th thaat is fa famou ouss for for it itss bli lind nd peop peoplle. BALDNESS. Alwa Al ways ys "p "pre rema matu ture re," ," caus caused ed by yo yout uthf hful ul exce excess sses es-or by th thee hatc hatchi hing ng of grea greatt th thou ough ghts ts.. BALLOONS. Than Thanks ks to them them,, man man wi will ll on onee day reach reach th thee moon. moon. "But "But it wil willl be man manyy a day day befo before re yo youu can can steer steer th them em." ." BALL BALLS. S.Use Use th this is word word on only ly as a swe swear ar word word,, and and po poss ssib ibly ly no nott even even then. then. (See (See DOCTOR DOCTOR). ). BANDITS.Always Always "fierce. "fierce."" BANKERS.All milli milliona onaire ires. s. Levan Levantin tines. es. Wolves Wolves.. BARBER."To "To go to tthe he ton tonso sori rial al arti artist st"; "; "to "to patr patron oniz izee Fi Figa garo ro." ." Loui Louiss Xl's Xl's barb barber er.ê .ê Fo Form rmer erly ly surg surgeo eons ns,, used used to bleed bleed you. BASES(OFSOCIETY).I.e. I.e. prop proper erty ty,, th thee famil family, y, reli religi gion on,, resp respec ectt for for auth author orit ity. y. Sh Show ow ange angerr if the these se are imp impug ugne ned. d. BASI BASILI LICA CA..Gran Grandi dios osee syno synony nym m for for chur church ch.. Al Alwa ways ys:: "an "an im im-pressive basilica." ~
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Beca Becaus usee of the the comp compet etit itiv ivee oral oral exam examin inat atio ion, n, thou though ghtt to be be hap hapha haza zard rd and and unfair unfair.. 2 Small Small town near near Paris Paris where where one of the earlie earliest st homes for the the blind was estab establis lished hed.. 3 Oliv Olivie ierr Ie Dair Dairn, n, who who beca became me a favo favore redd advi advise serr of the the king' king's. s. Afte Afterr his his mast master er's 's deat deathh he beca became me so oste ostent ntat atio ious us with with his his ric riche hess that that he was was impr impris ison oned ed and and hang hanged ed.. 1
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BASQUES.The peo peopl plee who tum ou outt th thee best best run runnners. ers. BATTLE. Always "bloody." There are always two sets of of vict vi ctor ors: s: th thos osee who who won won and and those those who who lo lost st.. BAYADÈRE. Word ord th thaat sti stirs th thee fancy ancy.. All ori orieent ntal al wom omeen are bayadère bayadères. s. (See ODALISQUES ODALISQUES.) .) BEAR BEAR.. Gene Generral ally ly name amed Brui Bruinn.' Tel Tell th thee stor storyy of the inv invaali lidd who, who, see seein ingg th that at a watc watchh had fal falle lenn in intto th thee bear ear pi pit, t, went went down do wn and and was was eate eatenn al aliv ive. e. BEARD. BEARD.Sig Signn of stre strengt ngth. h. Grown Grown too thi thick, ck, wil willl cause cause baldne baldness. ss. Helps Helps protec protectt neckcl neckcloth oth.. BEDROOM.In In an old old chat chatea eau, u, Henr Henryy IV alwa always ys spen spentt on onee night night there. BEER BEER.D .Doo no nott drin drinkk beer beer if yo youu wi wish sh to avoi avoidd cold colds. s. BEETHOVEN.Do no nott pron pronou ounc ncee Beathoven. Be sure to gush when when on onee of his his wor works ks is bein beingg pl play ayed ed.. BELLOWS.Neve Neverr use use tthe hem. m. BELLY. BELLY.Say Say "abdom "abdomen" en" in the the presenc presencee ofladi ofladies. es. BIBL BIBLE. E.Th Thee ol olde dest st bo book ok in the worl world. d. BILL BILL.. Al Alwa ways ys to tooo la larg rge. e. BILLIARDS.A nobl noblee game game.. Indi Indisp spen ensa sabl blee in the coun countr try. y. BIRD BIRD.. Aspi Aspire re to becom ecomee one, ne, sayi saying ng wit with a sig sigh: h: "Oh, Oh, for for a pai pair of wi wing ngs! s! Wing ings !"!"-it show showss a po poet etic ic soul soul.. BLAC BLACK KAS AS.. Fo Folllo low w inv invaria ariabl blyy wi with th "yo your ur hat" hat" or "pi "pitc tch" h".. As for for "je "jet bla lack ck," ," wha what is je jett 1 2 ...•...........•...........•.••....•.•.•..... 1
Fr: uMartitJ."
The orig The origin inal al po poin ints ts out out a conf confus usio ion n betw betwee een n ho homo mony nyms ms:: mista mistaken kenly ly though thoughtt to be a black black bird, bird, and jais, jet. 2
18
geai,
a bluebir bluebird, d,
BLONDES.Hott Hotter er th than an brun brunet ette tes. s. (See (See BRUN BRUNET ETTE TES. S.)) BLOOD-LETTING. Have Have yo your urse self lf bl bled ed in th thee Sp Spri ring ng.. BLUESTOCKING. Term of contempt applied to women with inte in tell llec ectu tual al in inte tere rest sts. s. Quot Quotee Moli Molièr èree in supp suppor ort: t: "Whe "Whenn th thee comp compas asss of her her mi mind nd she she str stret etch ches es ... ... " 1
BOAR BOARDI DING NGSCHO SCHOOL OL.Sa Say . y this this in Engli English sh when when it is for for gi girl rls. s. BODY BODY.. If we kne knew ho how w our bo body dy is made, de, we wou would ldn' n'tt dare dare move. BOILEDDINNER.Heal Health thfu ful.l. Inse Insepa para rabl blee from from "b "bro roth th andand-." ."22 BOILS.See PIMPLES. BOOK.Alw BOOK.Always ays too lon long, g, regard regardles lesss of subj subjec ect.t. BOOT BOOTS.I S.Inn summ summer er heat heat,, neve neverr om omit it al allu lusi sion onss to po poli lice ceme men' n'ss boot bo otss or postm postmen en's 's shoe shoess (per (permi miss ssib ible le on only ly in th thee coun countr try, y, in the the op open en). ). Boot Bootss are are the on only ly el eleg egan antt foot footge gear ar.. BREA BREAD. D.No No on onee kn know owss what what filt filthh go goes es into into it. it. BREASTWORKS. Neve Neverr use use to refe referr to a woma woman. n."" BREATH.To To have have a str stron ongg brea breath th is a sig signn of dist distin inct ctio ion. n. Fe Fend nd off off rema remark rkss abou aboutt ki kill llin ingg flie flies. s. Refe Referr it to th thee stom stomac ach. h. BRETONS.Al Alll go good od soul souls, s, bu butt stub stubbo born rn.. BRONZE.Metal Metal of the classic centuries. BRUNETTES. Hott Hotter er th than an bl blon onde des. s. (See (See BLON BLONDE DES. S.)) ..•.•.........•..........•.•...........•.•.. "When "When the compas compasss of her her mind mind she stretch stretches es To tell tell a waistco waistcoat at from from a pair pair of breeches breeches." ." This his is the the up uppe perr lim limit assi assign gned ed to wom oman an's 's inte intell llec ectt by Chrys hrysal alee in Les Femmes Femmes Savantes, Act. II, Sc. VII. • Fr: "La sOl/pe et le bouilli;" i.e. i.e. bo boil iled ed beef beef and the the soup soup made ade from from the the wate waterr in which which the meat meat was was cooked cooked.. Fr: "garde côte;" a pun pun on "coa "coast st guar guard" d" and and "rib "rib protector." 1
3
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"False "Fal se reli religi gion on of Indi India. a."" (Def (Defin init itio ionn in Boui Bouill llet et's 's Dictio Dictionar nary, y, first first editi edition. on.)! )! BUDGET. Never Never balanc balanced. ed. BUFFON. Pu Putt on la lace ce cuffs cuffs befo before re writ writin ing. g. BULL. Father of the calf; the ox is only the uncle. BUREAUCRAT. Insp Inspir ires es awe, awe, no matte matterr what what bu bure reau au he work workss in in.. BURIAL. Too Too ofte oftenn prem premat atur ure. e. Tell Tell stor storie iess of corp corpse sess th that at had had eate eatenn an arm arm off off fro from m hu hung nger er.. BUTCHERS. Appall Appalling ing in times times of revo revolut lution ion.. BUYIN BUYING G AN AND D SELL SELLIN ING. G. The goal of life.
BUDDIllSM.
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Marie Marie-N -Nico icola lass Bouil Bouille lett was was a prol prolific ific comp compile ilerr of hand handbo book oks. s. His His Dictionnaire classique classique de l'anti l'antiquit quité é sacrée et profane first first appeare appeared d in rwo vo volu lume mess in 1826 and was re-issued re-issued dozens dozens of times. times. 1
20
c CABI CABINE NET TMAKE MAKER. R.lCraf Crafts tsma mann who who work workss mo most stly ly in maho mahoga gany ny.. CAMARILLA. Wax Wax in indi dign gnan antt on hea heari ring ng th this is word word.ê .ê CAME CAMEL. L.Has Has two two hu hump mpss and and th thee dromed dromedar aryy on one; e; or the camel camel has has one one and and th thee drom dromed edar aryy tw twoo-it it i s confusing. CANDOR.Alwa Always ys"" di disa sarm rmin ing" g".. One One is ei eith ther er full full of of it or or wholl whollyy without. CANNONADE. Affects the weather. CANNONBALL. The The ai airr curr curren entt it crea create tess caus causes es blin blindn dnes ess. s. CAP (SKULL (SKULL). ).Indi Indisp spen ensa sabl blee to the man man ofle oflett tter ers. s. Gi Give vess dignit dignityy to the face. CARBUNCLE. See PIMPLES. CARRIAGE.It's be better to re rent than to own own one-you're spa spared thee bothe th botherr abou aboutt groo grooms ms and and ho hors rses es,, who who are are alw alway ayss gett gettin ingg sick. CARTHUSIANS. Speend thei Sp heir tim imee makin akingg char chartr treeuse use, dig igggin ingg thei th eirr own own grav graves es and and sayi saying ng to on onee anot anothe her, r, "Bro "Broth ther er,, th thou ou too must die." CAST CASTLE LE..Has Has in inva vari riab ably ly wi with thst stoo oodd a gre great at sieg siegee under under Ph Phil ilip ip Augustus . ......................•..•.•......•..•.•...... Fr: "ébéniste", i.e, worke workerr in ebony. ebony. • Poli Politic tical al cant word word sugg sugges estin ting g a lob lobby by,, a caucu caucus, s, a kitche kitchen n cabine cabinett with with sinist sinister er intentions. 1
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CATHOLICISM. Has Has had had a goo goodd in infl flue uenc ncee on art. art. CAT CATS. Are Are treac reache hero rous us.. Cal alll th theem "th thee ti tige gerr in th thee ho hous usee." Cut Cut off off the their ir ta tail ilss to prev preven entt vert vertig igo. o.'' CAT CATSP SPAW AW..Gra Grave in insu sult lt,, bu butt in the gran grandd styl style, e, to flin flingg at a political opponent: "Sir, you are but a ca catspaw of the Presidential clique." Used sed only from the rostrum of the the Chamber. CAVALRY.Nobl Nobler er th than an th thee infan infantr try. y. CAVERNS.Usua Usuall resi reside denc ncee of robb robber ers. s. Al Alwa ways ys full full of snake snakes. s. CEDAR ( O F LEBANO LEBANON). N).The The huge huge one at the Bota Botanic nical al Garden Garden was was bro broug ughht over ver in a man's n's hat hat. CELEBRITIES. Conc Concer ernn yo your urse self lf abou aboutt th thee le leas astt detai details ls of thei theirr priv privat atee live lives, s, so tha thatt yo youu can can run th them em do down wn.. CELL ELL. Al Alwa ways ys ho horrribl riblee. The stra straw w is alw lwaays damp. amp. None None has ever ever been been found found att attrac ractiv tive. e. CENSORSHIP."S "Say ay what what yo youu wi will ll,, it's it's a go good od th thin ing. g."" CERU CERUM MEN. EN.Hum H uman wax. wax.êê Sh Shou ould ld no nott be remov emoveed: it keep keepss inse in sect ctss from from ente enteri ring ng th thee ear. ear. CHAMBERMAIDS. Pret Pretti tier er th than an th thei eirr mi mist stre ress sses es.. Know Know al alll the their ir sec secrets rets and and betr betraay th them em.. Al Alwa ways ys un undo done ne by th thee son son of the the house. CHAMPAGNE.The sign of a ce ceremonial dinner. Pretend to despise it, saying: "It's really not a win wine." Arouses the enthusiasm of petty folk. Russia drinks more of it than Fra France. nce. Has Has been een th thee medi medium um for for spre spreaadi ding ng Fre French nch id ideeas throughout Europe. During the Regency'' people did ..............•.....................•......•. 1
An old super superst stit itio ionn conn connec ecte tedd with with witc witchc hcra raft ft..
2
Fr pun: "ceru "cerumen" men" _
cc
eire JJtll1laine".
• Betw Betwee eenn the the death death of Loui Louiss XIV and and the the acces accessi sion on of Lou Louis is xv (1715-1723). 22
nothin noth ingg bu butt drin drinkk cham champa pagn gne. e. But But te tech chni nica call llyy on onee do does esn' n'tt drin drinkk it, it, on onee "samp "sample les" s" it.! CHATEAUBRIAND. Best Best kno known wn for for th thee cut cut of mea meatt th that at bear bearss hi hiss name. CHEATING CHEA TING(THECUST (THE CUSTOMS) OMS).I.s not di dish shoonest nest;; rat rather her a proo roof of cleverness cleverness and poli political tical independen independence. ce. CHEES HEESE.Qu E.Quot otee Brill rillat at-S -Sav avar arin in's 's max maxim im:: "Des "Desse sert rt wit itho hout ut chees cheesee is is like like a beau beauty ty wi with th on only ly on onee eye. eye."" CHES CHESS. S.Sy Symb mbol ol of mili milita tary ry ta tact ctic ics. s. Al Alll grea greatt gene genera rals ls go good od at chess. chess. Too seriou seriouss as a game, game, too poi pointl ntless ess as a scienc science. e. CHESTNUT.Female Female of the horse-ehestnut. CIllAROSCURO. Meanin Meaningg unknow unknown. n. CmLBLAINS.Si .Sign of health. Come from having warmed oneself after being cold. CmLDRE CmLDREN. N.Give Give signs signs of a passi passiona onate te att attach achmen mentt to all chil childre drenn when when ot othe hers rs are are loo looki king ng on on.. CIllMN CIllMNEY. EY.Alw Always ays smokes smokes.. Center Center of discu discussi ssion on about about heatin heatingg systems. CIllMNEYSWEEP."Win "Winte ter'r'ss bl blac ackk swall swallow ow." ." CHOLERA.You You catc catchh it fro from m eati eating ng melo melons ns.. The The cure cure is lo lots ts of tea wi with rum in itit. CHRISTIANITY. Freed the slaves. CHRISTMAS. Woul Wouldn dn't't be Chri Christ stma mass wi with thou outt th thee pud puddi ding ng.. CIDER.Spoils the teeth. CIGA CIGARS RS..Thos Thosee sold sold unde underr go gove vern rnme ment nt mo mono nopo poly ly al alwa ways ys "a foul foul smo smoke"; ke"; the only only go goood on ones es are are smu smugggl gled ed in . .... 1
Fr: "sables;" lite litera rall llyy "swi "swill llin ing, g,""
..
toss tossin ingg off off in larg largee gulp gulps. s.
23
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CIRCUSTRAINERS.Use obscene practices. CITY FATHERS.Thunder against apropos of street pavmg: "Wha "Whatt can can our our ci city ty fath father er be th thin inki king ng of!" of!" CLARINET.Play Playin ingg it caus causes es bli blind ndne ness ss:: al alll blin blindd men men pl play ay th thee clarinet. CLASSICS.You You are are supp suppos osed ed to kno know w al alll abou aboutt th them em.. CLOTH.Al CLOTH.Alll from from Elbeu£ Elbeu£11 CLOW CLOWN.Hi N.Hiss jo join ints ts were were made made so in infa infanc ncy. y. CLUB CLUB.. One One shou should ld al alwa ways ys belo belong ng to a club.ê CLUB(POLITICAL).Rous Rouses es ire ire of cons conser erva vati tive ves, s,"" Conf Confus usio ionn and and argu argume ment nt abou aboutt th thee righ rightt pron pronun unci ciat atio ionn of th thee word word.. COCK. CK. A th thin in man man mu musst in invvari ariabl ably say: ay: "F "Fig ighhti tinng cock cockss are are neve neverr fat fat !" COFF COFFEE EE..Indu Induce cess wi wit. t. Good Good on only ly if itit come comess th thro roug ughh Havr Havre. e. After a big dinner party, is tak taken standing up. Take it without sugar-very swank: gives the the imp impression you've lived in the East. COGNA COGNAC. C.Most Most harmfu harmful.l. Excell Excellent ent for for certai certainn di disea seases ses.. A good good swig swig of cog cogna nacc neve neverr hu hurt rt anyb anybod ody. y. Take Takenn befo before re brea breakf kfas ast,t, killss intestin kill intestinal al worms. worms. COITUS, COPULATION.Words to avoid. Say: "They had rela relati tion onss ... ... " COKE COKE.. Inse Insepa para rabl blee from from Litt Little leto ton. n.ss Nobo Nobody dy kn know owss what what th they ey ...•.....................•.•......•..•.•...... 1
Manu Manufa fact ctur urin ingg
XIV. 2
Fr:"cercle".
town town near near Rouen Rouen;; it itss clot clothh indu indust stry ry date datess from from the the ti time me of Loui Louiss
As the the next next entr entryy show shows, s, the the word word "club" was was then then stil stilll reser reserve vedd for
politica poli ticall groups. groups. 3 Becaus Becausee of the greatt club club of the the Revol Revolut utio ion, n, the the Jaco Jacobi bins ns.. th e grea • Fr: "Barto Ie et Cujas," resp respec ecti tive vely ly of the the four fourte teen enth th and and sixte sixteen enth th cent centuri uries es,, both both exha exhaus usti tive ve comm commen enta tato tors rs of Roma Romann law. law.
did, id, but say say to ever every y law law stu student ent : "You "You mus ustt be deep eep your Coke IIP0/! Littleton," COLD. Health Healthier ier than heat. heat. COLO COLONI NIES ES (OUR (OUR). ).
111 11 1
Registe egisterr sadne sadness ss in speakin speaking g of them. them.
Makes the hair fall out.
COMB COMB (THIC (THICK) K)..
verse erse,, no lon longer su suit ited ed to our tim times. es. Still till,, high igh comedy comedy comman commands ds resp respec ectt-ca cast st/g /gat at ride ridend ndo o more mores» s»
COMEDY.
In
Make ake fun fun of our our ances ancestor torss who who feared feared them. them. ostt valu valuab able le disco discove very ry of mode modern rn times. times. COMFORT. The mos
COMETS.
One's first rst communion-th -the
COMMUNION.
greatest day of
one's life.2 COMPETITION.
The soul of trade.
At scho school ol,, a go good od com compo posl sltl tlO On sh show owss appl appliicatio cation, n, where hereas as trans transla latio tion n sh show owss inte intell llig igen ence ce.. Out in the the world world,, scoff scoff at those those who who were were go good od at com compo positi sition on..
COMPOSITION.3
Always lways recom recommend mend it, even when when the alterna alternatives tives are irreconcilable. CONCERT. Respectable way to kill time.
COMPROMISE.
CO
CESS CESSIO ION NS.
Never ever make ake any: any: they they ruin ruined ed Loui Louiss XVI. XVI.
CONCUPISCENCE.
Pries Priest's t's word word for for carna carnall desir desire. e.
CONFECTIONERS.
All the the inh inhabita itants of Rauen are confec-
tioners. . •. •. .. .. .• ••
• •• .. .. .. ..• .• •• •• •. •. .• .• .. .. ..
"Correc "Corrects ts behavi behavior or through through laught laughter." er." importa rtant nt cerem ceremon ony y for for lime lime bo boys ys and and girls; girls; they they are dres dresse sed d like bride bridess and and 2 An impo groo groom ms, rece receiv ivee cong congra ratu tula lati tion onss and and pres presen ents ts,, and and eat eat the the Jord Jordan an alm almon onds ds that that are are tosse tossed d at them them as they they com come ou outt of the churc church. h. correla lativ tivee word wordss are "thème" (wri (writi ting ng a Fren French ch pass passag agee in Latin Latin or som some 3 The corre other other lang langua uage ge)) and and "versiol/" (ren (rende deri ring ng a forei foreign gn pass passag agee into into Fren French ch). ). From From this this grew the expressio expression n "[ort-en-thème" to designa designate te the industriou industrious. s. 1
25
CONFINEMENT. Avoid the wor word; rep replace by "event": "When is the event event expect expected? ed?"" CONGRATULATIONS. Alwa Al ways ys "h "hea eart rty, y,"" "sin "since cere re," ," et etc. c. CONSERVATIVE. Politician with pot belly. "A limited, conserv servat ativ ivee mi mind nd?? Certa ertain inly ly!! Limi Limits ts keep keep fool foolss from from fall fallin ingg down do wn well wells. s."" CONSERVATOIRE. It is im impe pera rati tive ve to subs subscr crib ibee to it itss conc concer erts ts.'.' CONSPIRATORS. They feel a co compulsion to write down own their name namess on a list list.. CONSTIPATION.Al Alll lite litera rary ry men men are are cons consti tipa patted. ed. This This affec ffects ts their polit politics. ics. CONSTI CONSTITUT TUTION IONAL AL (RULES (RULES). ).Are Are stifli stifling ng us-und us-under er them them it is imposs imp ossibl iblee to govern. govern. CONSTITUTIONAL (WAL (WALK) K)..Al Alwa ways ys ta take ke on onee afte afterr di dinn nner er:: ai aids ds digestion. CONTRALTO.Mean Meanin ingg unkno unknown wn.. CONVERSATION. Poli Po liti tics cs and and reli religi gion on mu must st be kep keptt ou outt of it it.. CONV CONVIC ICTS TS..Al Alwa ways ys lo look ok it. it. Al Alll cl clev ever er wi with th th thei eirr hand hands. s. Our Our peni penite tent ntia iari ries es nu numb mber er many many a man man of gen geniu ius. s. COOK COOKIN ING. G.In In restau restaura rant nts, s, al alwa ways ys bad bad for for th thee syst system em;; at hom home, e, alwa al ways ys whole wholeso some me;; in th thee So Sout uth, h, to tooo mu much ch spic spice, e, or oil. oil. COPAIBABALSAM.Pretend not to know what it is for. or.2 CORNS. Better than a barometer. Extremely dangerous if badly badly cut. cut. Cite Cite dreadf dreadful ul exampl examples es of fata fatall conseq consequen uences ces.. CORSET. CORSET.Prevents Prevents childbearin childbearingg . ................
•••..•..•.••••.....••.••....•
Founde Foun dedd in 1828 1828,, the the Cons Conser erva vato toir iree conc concer erts ts have have rema remain ined ed the the mo most st nota notabl blee in Paris. was used used to treat treat vener venerea eall dise diseas ase. e. 2 It was 1
26
Eat tallow tallow candle candles. s. COTTON. Espe Especi cial ally ly usef useful ul for for pu putt ttin ingg in one' one'ss ear. ear. One One of the the bases bases of societ societyy in the departm department ent of Sei Seinene-Inf Inféri érieur eure.! e.! COUNTENANCE. "A wi winn nnin ingg coun counte tena nanc ncee is stil stilll the the bes bestt in intr trooduction." COUNTERFEITERS. Al Alwa ways ys work work belo below w grou ground nd.. COUNTRY. Pe Peop oplle in the the cou ount ntrry bett better er th thaan tho hose se in town towns. s. Envy Envy their their lo lot.t. In In th thee coun countr try, y, anyt anythi hing ng go goes es-s -slo lopp ppyy cl clot othe hes, s, pract practica icall jokes, jokes, etc. etc. COUN COUNTY TY (FAMI (FAMILIE LIES). S). Speak of them only with loftiest contempt. COUSIN. Advi Advise se th thee yo youn ungg hu husb sbaand to bewa eware of the the youn youngg (male) cousin. CRAYFISH. Fe Fem mal alee of the lobs lobste ter. r.êê Wal Walks bac backwa kward. rd. Al Alwa wayys call reactiona reactionaries" ries" crayfish." crayfish." CREOLE. Lives in a harnmock.ê CRIMINAL. Always Always "vi "vile. le."" CRIMSON. Nobl Nobleer word word th than an red. red. CRITIC. Al Alwa ways ys "emi eminen nent." t." Su Supppo pose sedd to know know ever everyyth thiing ng,, read read ever everyt ythi hing ng,, see see ever everyt ythi hing ng.. When When yo youu di disl slik ikee him, him, call call him hi m a Zoi Zoilu lus, s, a eun eunuc uch. h. Imitat ates es th thee cry cry of a chi child ld to lure lure men. men. CROCODILE. Imit CROOK. Al Alwa ways ys in high high soci societ ety. y. (See (See Srv. Srv.)) COSSACKS.
CROSSBOW.
The ideal occasion to bring up the story of William
Tell .
....~
. . . . . . . . . . • . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
1
This Th is was Flaubcrt's Flaubcrt's département, Rouen Rouen being being its chief chief city. city.
2.
Two ent entrie riess are here here combine combined: d: "Eaevisse"
and "Langouste",
Since Since the days days of Napo Napoleo leon's n's wife wife Jos Joseph ephine ine,, creole creole in the femini feminine ne has sug sugges gested ted to the Frenc French h no noth thin ing g bu butt dark dark,, trop tropic ical al beau beauty ty.. 3
CRUCI RUCIFI FIX. X. Look Lookss wel well abov abovee a beds bedstteadead-or or CRUS CRUSAD ADES ES.Be .Bene nefi fite tedd
the guil guillo lottine. ine.
Vene Veneti tian an trad trade. e.
CUCKOLD. Every woman cuckold.
is expected
to make her husband
CURAÇAO. The best est comes fro from Holland, Curaçao çao, one of the the Antilles.
beca ecause it is is made in
CURL CURLIC ICUE UESS (ARO (AROUN UNDA DA SIGNA SIGNATU TURE RE). ).The The mo more re comp compli licat cated ed,, more mo re beau beauti tifu ful.l. CUSTO STOMS DUTIES. IES. Rebel TOLLS.) CUTCUT-RA RATE TE.. Exce Excell llen entt
the the
agai againnst, and try to cheat them. (See
for for a shop shop-s -sig ign; n;
insp inspir ires es conf confid iden ence ce..
CYPR CYPRES ESS. S.Gr Grow owss on only ly in ceme cemete teri ries es.. CZAR. Pron ronounce
a
Tsar, and fro from time to time, Autocrat.
D Will Will repl replac acee pain painti ting ng.. (See (See PHOTOGRAPHY.) DAMASCUS. The onl nlyy pla lace ce whe where th thee art art of ma maki kinng swo swords rds is unde un ders rsto tood od.. Ever Everyy go good od bl blad adee is from from Dama Damasc scus us.. DANCE. 'It 'It isn' isn'tt danc dancin ingg any any mo more re,, it's it's tram trampi ping ng abou about.t.""
DAGUERREOTYPE.
DANTON.
"Let "Let us dare dare,, and and dare dare agai again, n, and and fore foreve verr dare dare." ."!!
DARWIN.
The The fell fellow ow who who says says we'r we'ree spru sprung ng from from.. m.o m.onk nkey eys. s.
The The mast master er has days days:: for for trim trimmi ming ng the the bear beard, d, for for taki taking ng a purg pu rge, e, et etc. c. And so has has Mad Madam ame, e, days days which which she she call callss "cri "criti ti-cal" cal" at cer certa tain in time timess of the mo mont nth. h.
DAYS.
Cause of all diseases in bachelors.
DEBAUCHERY.
The The Legi Legion on of Hono Honor: r: make make fun fun of it, it, but cove covett it it.. Whe Whenn yo youu ob obta tain in it, it, say say itit was was un unso soli lici cite ted. d. DEFEAT. Is sust sustai aine ned, d, and and is so utte utterr th that at no on onee is le left ft to tell tell th thee tale.
DECORATIO
DEICIDE.
DELFT.
.
Wax Wax in indi dign gnan ant,t, desp despit itee th thee inf infre requ quen ency cy of th thee crime crime.. More More swan swankk th than an "chi "china na." ."22
...•.....................•.•...........•..•... From From Danto anton' n'ss spee speech ch of znd znd Sept Septem embe berr 1792, du duri ring ng the the firs firstt batt battle le of the French armies against the coalition. It may may be ques questio tione ned d whet whethe herr this this is not not a 2 Fr: "Faience, plus chic que porcelaine:" slip for the exact opposire.jsrence being being pottery pottery and porcelaine china, china, which which is to say, vitri vitrifie fied d po potte ttery ry.. Th Thee po poin int, t, at any rate rate,, is that that ho hous useh ehol old d ob obje jects cts imply imply diffe differe rent nt degrees of swank. 1
DEMOSTHENES. Neve Neverr made ade a spee speech ch with withoout a pebb pebble le in his his mouth. DENT DENTIS ISTS TS..All All un untr trut uthf hful ul.. They They use use "ste "steel el balm balm." ." Are Are said said to to be also also chir chirop opod odis ists ts.. Prete Pretend nd to be surg surgeo eons ns,, ju just st as op opti tici cian anss pret preten endd to be phy physi sici cist sts. s. DENT DENTUR URE. E.Thir Thirdd set set of teet teeth. h. Take Take care care not to swallo swallow w whil whilee asleep. DERB DERBY. Y.Ra Raci cing ng te term rm:: very very swank swank.. DESCARTES. C o g iti t o e rg r g o SU/1/. DESERT.Produces Produces dates. DESS DESSER ERT. T.Depl Deplor oree fact fact th that at peop people le no lo long nger er sing sing at dess desser ert. t. Virt Vi rtuo uous us pers person onss scor scornn dess desser ertt: "P "Paastry stry!! Good Good Lord Lord,, no no!! I nev never er ta take ke it." it." DEVICE.Ob DEVICE.Obscene scene word. DEVO DEVOTI TION ON..Comp Compla lain in of othe others rs'' la lack ck of it. it. "We "We have have far far less less than th an a dog dog." ." DIAMONDS."The "The time time wi will ll come come when when man man wi will ll manu manufa fact ctur uree them!" "Believe it or not not, they're nothing but a piece of coal coal;; if we came came acro across ss one one in the natur natural al stat state, e, we woul wouldn dn't't both bo theer to pic pick it up up !" DIANA.Goddess of the chaste (chasedj.! DICTIONARY.Say of it : "It's "It's onl onlyy for ignoramus ignoramuses es !"A rhyming dict di ctio iona nary ry I-For I-For sham shame! e! DIDERO DIDEROT. T.Always Always follow followed ed by "d'Ale "d'Alembe mbert. rt."" DILETTANTE. Wealt ealthy hy man man who who subs subscr criibes bes to the the op oper eraa. DIMPLES.Alwa Always ys te tell ll a pret pretty ty gi girl rl th that at litt little le lo love vess are are hidi hiding ng in her dimples . • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
1
s • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
"Clmsse-tetë"; të"; "Chaste-té "Chaste-té," ," Haube aubert rt writ writes es ou outt the the pu pun: n: "Clmsse-te
30
DINNER.For .Formerly peo people di dine nedd at nnoo oonn. Now they dine at impossible hours. The dinner of our fathers' time is our our lunch, and our lunch is th their dinner; but dining so lat late shoul shouldn dn't't be call called ed dinne dinner: r: it's it's supper supper.. DINNER DIN NERJAC JACKET KET.! .!In In the provinces provinces,, the acme acme of ceremo ceremony ny and . . mconveruence. DIOGENES."I am.loo am.looki king ng for for a man. man."" "Don "Don't't stan standd betw betwee eenn me and the sun." DIPLOMA.Embl Emblem em of kn know owle ledg dge. e. Prov Proves es no noth thin ing. g. DIPLOMACY.A dist distin ingu guis ishe hedd care career, er, bu butt bese besett wit withh diffi difficu cult ltie iess and and full full of myst myster ery. y. Su Suit ited ed on only ly to aris aristo tocr crat ats. s. A profe profess ssio ionn of vague import, rt, tho houugh higher her than trade. Dipl plom omaats are inva in vari riab ably ly subt subtle le and and shrew shrewd. d. 2 e scan DIRECTOIRE.The Th scanda dals ls of th thee time time:: "In "In th thos osee days days,, ho hono norr had taken refuge in the the army; wom omeen in Par Paris went abou outt naked." DISCHARGE.Rejoice when it leaves the affected part, and expres ress aston oniishm hmeent that the hu hum man body can contain so much mu ch matt matter er.. DISSECTION.An outra outrage ge up upon on th thee maje majest styy of dea death th.. DISTINCTION.Al Alwa ways ys prece preceded ded by "rare "rare." ." DIVA DIVA.. Al Alll wom.en wom.en singe singers rs mu must st be calle calledd di divas vas.. DIVIDERS.Pe Perf rfec ectt eyes eyesig ight ht has has them them bu buil iltt in in.. DIVO DIVORC RCE. E."If "If Napol Napoleo eonn had not di divor vorce cedd Jose Joseph phin ine, e, he woul wouldd still be on the throne." DJIN DJINN. N. The The name name of an orien orienta tall danc dancee . • • • • •
1
2
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
0• • • • • • •
"Habit nair," nair," A com compl plica icated ted play play on pronun pronuncia ciatio tions ns is om omitte itted d here. here. See See Fr: Fr: "Habit Thee interreg Th interregnum num betwe between en the Terr Terror or and Bona Bonapa parte rte's 's Consu Consulat late: e: 17 179595-179 1799, 9,
31
DOCKYARDS,!Appa Appall llin ingg in times times of revol revolut utio ion. n. DOCTOR. Always pre preceded by "the goo oodd." Amon ongg men, in fami famili liar ar conv conver erssat atio ion, n, "Oh! "Oh! ball balls, s, doc docto torr !"2 Is a wizard when when he enj enjoy oyss yo your ur conf confiidenc dence, e, a ja jacck-as k-asss when hen yo you' u're re no long lo nger er on te term rms. s. Al Alll are are mate materi rial alis ists ts:: "You "You can't an't prob probee for for fait faithh wi with th a sca scalp lpel el." ." 3 spi DOCTRINAIRES.Des De pisse th theem. Why hy?? Nobo Nobody dy can can say. say. DOCUMENT.Inva Invari riabl ablyy "of th thee hi highe ghest st im impor porta tanc nce. e."" DOG. Specially created to save its master's life; man' man'ss best friend. DOGE DOGE.W .Wed edde dedd th thee sea. sea. Only Only on onee is kn know ownn-Ma Mari rino no Fali Fa lier ero. o. DOLM DOLMEN EN..Has Has to do wi with th th thee ol oldd Gaul Gauls. s. St Ston onee used used for for hu huma mann sacr sacrif ific ice. e. Found Found on only ly in Brit Britta tany. ny. Know Knowle ledge dge ends ends there there.. DOLPHI DOLPHIN. N.Car Carrie riess childre childrenn on its back. back. DOME DOME.Towe .Towerr wi with th an arc archi hite tect ctura urall shap shape. e. Expr Expres esss surp surpri rise se that it sta stays up. up. Two Two can can be nam named ed:: th thee Dome Dome of the the Inva Invallid idees; that th at of St St.. Pete Peter'r'ss in Rome Rome.. DOMESTICITY. Neve Neverr fail fail to to spea speakk of itit with with resp respec ect. t. DOMINOES.One One pl play ayss al alll the the bett better er for for bein beingg ti tigh ght. t. DORMITORIES. Alwa Al ways ys "spac "spacio ious us and and ai airy ry." ." Pref Prefer erab able le to sin singl glee room roomss for for th thee mo mora rals ls of the the pupil pupils. s. DOUB DOUBT. T.Wo Wors rsee th than an out outri righ ghtt negat negatio ion. n. - - - . - . - . ~ . - . - . - . - . ~ . - - . - . - . ~• . ... --• ..-~• . .. . -•- . ~ . -. ... -. -. . ~ . - . - . - . - . - . - .• .- . . -• . ~ . - . - . - . - . 1
Fr: "Faubourgs."
In giv giving ing this this equiva equivalen lentt of the the Frenchfoutre, bo both th here here and and un unde derr the the lett letter er B., ther theree is no desig design n to take take refu refuge ge in euph euphem emis ism m, bu butt on only ly to rend render er the the exac exactt forc forcee of the the exp expleti letive ve.. The lite litera rall equi equiv valen alentt wou ould ld be enti entire rely ly ou outt of key key and and ther theref efor oree inexact. politica icall party party found founded ed abou aboutt 1815 to acclim acclimate ate parli parliam amen entar tary y instit instituti ution onss in 3 A polit France. France. Its principl principles es were, were, briefly, briefly, checks checks and balance balancess and strict adhere adherence nce to principl principle. e. From From Roy oyer er-C -Col olla lard rd to Guizo uizot, t, it attra attract cted ed quite uite a few few disti istin ngu guis ishe hed d minds inds and and exerc exercise ised d an influ influen ence ce ou outt of prop proport ortion ion to its nu numb mbers ers.. 2
"Con "Consi sist stss of thre threee thin things gs:: line line,, stip stippl plin ing g and and fme fme stip stippl plin ing. g. There here is, is, in addi additio tion, n, the the maste asters rstro troke ke;; but the the maste asters rstr trok okee can can only be given iven by the the maste aster" r" (Christophe).l
DRAWIN ING G
(AR (ART OF). OF).
"Per "Perfe fect ctly ly drea dreadf dful ul"" -whe -when n allu alludi ding ng to word wordss of ero erotic tic imp import: rt: on onee may com commit the the act, act, but not sp spea eak k of it. "It was at the darkest of a dreadful night."2
DREADFUL.
Any great great ideas ideas on onee do does es no nott un unde derst rstand and.. Always lways come come from Rouen. Rouen.
DREA DREAMS MS (VAGU (VAGUE). E).
DUCKS.
Thunder Thund er against. against. No No proof proof of courage courage.. Great Great prestige prestige of the man man who has foug fought ht a duel. duel.
DUEL.
DUNGEON. DUPE.
Gives Gives rise to gloomy gloomy thoughts thoughts..
Better be a knave than a dupe.
Famous for his salve and his museum. DUTIES. Requir equiree them them of othe others, rs, Avoid Avoid them yo yours urself elf Others thers have have duties duties toward towardss us, no nott we toward towardss them them.
DUPUYTREN.3
Tell the the story of General Tom Thumb; if by any chance you shook his hand, boast of the fact.
DWARF.
• .•
_
. . . . • . . . .~ • • . . . . . . . . . . . .~ •
_
_
_ _ __ _ _
. . . . • • . . . • . • . . . • • • . • . . . . . . . . • . . . . • • . . . . • . . . . . • . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .~• . . . . . •
Preswn Preswnabl ably y a write writerr of text-b text-book ooks, s, not otherw otherwise ise identif identifiabl iable. e. 2 Th Thee line line is from from Racine acine's 's Athalie, Act II, II, Sc. V, V, and and is quo quote ted d beca becaus usee of its comp comple lete te irrele irreleva vanc ncee to what what prece precede des. s. Whate hateve verr its its cause, cause, Ath Athali alie's e's nigh nightm tmare are has has nothin nothing g overtly overtly erotic erotic about it. S French surgeon surgeon (1777-1835) who died died a milli million onai aire re and and a baron baron,, afte afterr havi having ng revo revolu luti tion oniz ized ed metho ethod d and and taug taught ht many any disc discip iple les. s. He left left a large large sum sum to foun found d a museu mu seum m of patho patholog logical ical anatom anatomy y which which still still exists exists.. 1
33
E EARLYRISER.To T o be one, one, a sig signn of good good mo mora rals ls.. If on onee go goes es to bed at four in the morni rning and rises at at eight ht,, one is lazy; but if one goes to bed at nin nine in the evening and gets up thee next th next day day at five five,',' on onee ~sa har hardy dy ty type pe.. EART EARTH. H.Re Refer fer to its four four come comers rs since since it is round round.. ECHO ECHO.. Ment Mentio ionn th thee one in in th thee Panth Panthéo éonn and and the one und under er th thee bridge bridge at Neuil Neuilly. ly. ECLECTICISM. Thun Thunde derr agai agains nstt as bein beingg an im immor moral al ph philo iloso soph phy. y. EGG. EGG. St Star arti ting ng po poin intt for for a ph phil ilos osop ophi hicc le lect ctur uree on th thee orig origin in of life. ELEPHANTS.Have Have rema remark rkab able le memo memori ries es;; wors worshi hipp th thee sun sun.. EMBONPOINT.Sign of elegant leisure, of utter laziness. Disagree on the the pronu pronunc ncia iati tion on of the the word word.'.' EMBRACE. EMBRACE."Kiss" "Kiss" is more dece kiss ss is "gent "gently ly stol stolen en"; "; decent nt.s .s A ki also "b "bestowed"-upon the damsel's brow, the mot mother's cheek, the pretty wom woman's hand, the child's neck and the mistress's lips. EMIG EMIGRÉ RÉs. s.Earn Earned ed th thei eirr li live veli liho hood od by te teac achi hing ng th thee gu guit itar ar and and wait itiing on tabl blee . •.......................•..................... This disagr This disagreem eement ent applie applies, s, in the origin original, al, to a separa separate te entry entry "Envergure.' which having having no other other point point is here here om omitt itted. ed. 2 As to this this pair pair of words words,, French French and Engl English ish have have mo moved ved in opposit oppositee direct direction ions, s, having ng com come to sugg sugges estt sexu sexual al inte interco rcour urse se whil whilee embrasser mean meanss sim simply ply an baiser havi affect affection ionate ate hug and kiss kiss on on the cheek. cheek. 1
34
EMIR EMIRE. E. Used Used on only ly for for AbdAbd-el el-K -Kad adr. r.ll EMPI EMPIR RE. "Th "The Empi Empire re mean meanss Pe Peac ace" e" (Nap (Napol oleo eonn EMPRESSES.All All beauti beautiful ful..
III).2
ENAM ENAMEL EL.. The The secr secret et of th this is art art is lo lost st.. ENCYCLOPÉDIE. Laugh at it pityingly for being quaint and old-fashioned; even so: so: th thunder against. ENGINEERING.The frnest career for a young man; he learns all the science sciences. s. ENGLISH ENGLISH.. All mill million ionair aires. es. ENGPSHWOMEN. Express look lookin ingg chil childr dren en.ê .ê
surprISe that they can have good-
ENJO ENJOY. Y. Obsc Obscen enee word word.. ENTHUSIASM. Called forth exclusively by Napoleon's ashes. Alw Always "indescribable": takes two columns to tel tell you you so.
the return of the new newspaper
EPICU EPICURU RUS. S. Despi Despise se him. him. EPISTO EPISTOLA LARY RY(S (STY TYLE LE).R ).Rese eserv rved ed
excl exclus usiv ivel elyy
for for wome women. n.
ERA (OF (OF REVOL VOLUTIONS).Sti .Still going str strong, sin since every new government begins by pr promising to "ca "call a halt." EREC ERECTI TION. ON. Sa Said id on only ly of mo monu nume ment nts. s. EROSTRATUS.4Bring up in an any conversation the Com Commune . ... .. .
about the fires of
....................•.•...................
Arab rab lead leader er in North North Afric fricaa who resi resist sted ed Fren French ch colo coloni niza zati tion on for for fift fiftee een n year yearss (1832-1847). He subseq subsequen uently tly sup suppor ported ted Frenc French h rule. rule. 2 Quo uote ted d from from the the Empe Empero ror's r's spee speech ch at Bord Bordea eaux ux,, shor shortl tly y befo before re the the ou outb tbre reak ak of the Crim Crimean ean War. S Until ntil very very rece recent ntly ly,, the the stereo stereoty type pe of "the "the Eng ngli lish shw wom oman an"" in Fran France ce depi depict cted ed a mou mounta ntain in climb climber er of repell repellent ent aspect aspect,, disfig disfigure ured d by long teeth teeth and wearing wearing manni mannish sh clothes. • The man who who gain gained ed no noto tori riet ety y on the day day of Ale Alexa xand nder er's 's birt birth h by sett settin ing g fire fire to the temple temple of Diana Diana at Eph Ephesu esus. s. Flaub Flaubert ert spells spells his nam namee with with an H. 1
35
ESPLANADE. Only Only foun foundd near near th thee Inva Invali lide des. s. ETRUSCAN.All antique antique vases vases are are Etrusc Etruscan. an. ETYMOLOGY. The The easi easies estt thi thing ng in the world world,, wi with th a li litt ttle le Lati Latinn and ingenuity. EUN EUNUCH UCH. Never ever can can have have chi child ldre renn ... ... Fu Fulm lmin inat atee again gainsst th thee castrati singers of the Sistine Chapel. EVA EVACUA CUATIO TION.Usua U suall llyy "cop "copiiou ous" s";; al alwa ways ys "o "off an al alar armi ming ng sort." EVENINGS(LATE).Are Are decent only in the country. EVIDENCE.Is "pl "plai ain" n" when when no nott "over "overwh whel elmi ming. ng."" EXASPERATION. Cont Contin inua uall llyy at it itss hei heigh ght.t. EXCEPTION.Say .Say it proves the rule, but don't venture to explai explainn how. how. EXECUTIONS (PUBLIC). (PUBLIC).Depl eplore ore the wom women en who who go to to th them em.. EXERCISE.Prev Preven ents ts al alll dis disea ease ses. s. Reco Recomme mmend nd it at all all ti time mes. s. EXPIRE EXPIRE..Verb Verb applie appliedd exclus exclusive ively ly to newsp newspape aperr subscr subscript iption ions. s. EXTINCTION.Appl Applie iess on only ly to th thee nati nation onal al debt debt.'.' EXTIRPATE.Verb Verb appl applie iedd on only ly to here heresy sy and and corn corns. s.
- .~.~.~.~.- - - . - . -. .-. -. . ~• .~.~.~.-.. • -. •-. •-.~.~.~.~.. • - . - . - . - . - . ~ . ~ . ~ .~.-.-.-.-.-.~• .~.~.-.. .- . -. . . .
...
.~.-. ~~
1
Thee Frenc Th French h cliché cliché requi requires res "paup "pauperis erism" m" in place place of "nation "national al debt." debt."
F FAÇADE( O F BUILDINGS). Grea Greatt men men lo look ok well well when when scul sculpt ptur ured ed in front of FACE FA CE..The The mi mirr rror or of the the soul. soul. Hence Hence some some peopl people' e'ss soul soulss must must be rat rathe herr ug ugly. ly. FACTORY.Dangero Dangerous us neighbo neighborhoo rhood. d. FAITHFUL.Ins Insepar eparab able le from from "d "dog og"" and and "frie "friend nd." ." Neve Neverr mi miss ss a chan chance ce to quot quote: e: "Tru "Truee as a need needle le to the the pole" pole" and and "Amo "Among ng thee fait th faithl hles ess, s, faithf faithful ul on only ly he." he." FAME."Vanity "Vanity of vanities." vanities." FANFARE. Always Always "lo "loud." ud." FAREWELL.Work a sob into your voice m speaking of Napoleo Napoleon's n's farewel farewelll at Fon Fontai taineb neblea leau. u. FARM.When visiting a fa farm, on onee must ust eat not nothing but rye bread bread and and drink drink no nothi thing ng but mi milk lk.. If eggs eggs are are adde addedd excl exclai aim: m: "Heaven vens, but they hey're fresh! Not a chance you'd u'd fmd any like these in the city!" FARMER.Al Alwa ways ys "S "Squi quire re"" So So-a -andnd-so so.. Al Alll eeas asy-g y-goi oing. ng. FARMERS. What hat woul uldd we do without them? FAT.Fa FA T.Fatt peo peopl plee do not not nee need to lear learnn to swi wim. m. Are Are th thee des despai pair of exec xecut utiioners owing to the difficulty they pre present nt;; e.g. la Du Barry. FATA FA TAL. L.A who wholl llyy roma romant ntic ic word word.. Appl Applie iedd to a man, man, sign signif ifie iess onee wi on with th th thee evil evil eye. eye. 37
FAVOR.It .It is doi doing children a fav favor to slap them; animals, to beat them; servants, to me them; criminals, to puni nissh them. FEAR.Gives wings. FELI FELICI CITY TY..Alwa Always ys "p "per erfe fect ct." ." If your your cook cook is name namedd Fe Feli lici city ty,, she is perfect. FEMA FEMALE LE..Use Use on only ly in spea speaki king ng of anim animal als. s. Cont Contra rary ry to what what obta ob tain inss in th thee hu huma mann race race,, the fem femal ales es of anim animal alss are are le lesss beau beauti tifu full th than an th thee male males, s, e.g. e.g. pheasa pheasant nt,, roos rooste ter, r, li lion on,, et etc. c. FENCING. FENCING.Fencing Fencing masters masters know secret secret thrusts. thrusts. FEUDALISM. No need need to have have on onee sing single le prec precis isee no noti tion on abo bout ut it it:: th thund under er agai agains nst.t. FEVE FEVER. R.A sign sign of th thee stre strengt ngthh of the bl bloo ood. d. Caus Caused ed by prune prunes, s, melo melons ns,, th thee sun sun in April April,, et etc. c. FIGARO(MARRIAGEO F ). Anot Anothe herr of the the caus causes es of the Revo Revolu lu-tion! FIGLEAF.Embl Emblem em of viri virili lity ty in the art art of scu sculp lptu ture re.. FINGER FINGER..God's God's fmger fmger is in every every pie. pie. FINGERBOWLS. Sign Si gn of weal wealth th in the ho hous useh ehol old. d. FIRE.lPu Puri rifi fies es every everyth thin ing. g. On heari hearing ng th thee cry of "Fire "Fire l" begin by losi losing ng yo your ur head head.. A spec specta tacl clee wort worthh seei seeing ng.. FIRING FIRINGSQU SQUAD. AD.Nobler Nobler than than the guillotin guillotine. e. Deligh Delightt of the the man who who is gran grante tedd th thee favo favorr of fac facin ingg on one. e. FLAG FLAG..The The sigh sightt of it makes makes th thee hear heartt beat beat fast faster er.. FLAGRANTE DELICTO.Always Always use the Latin Latin phrase phrase.. Applie Appliess onl onlyy to adultery. .•.........................................
,
1
This This combi combine ness two ent entrie ries: s: "Feu" and "Incendie,"
FLAMINGO. A bird, bird, so call called ed beca becaus usee nati native ve to Fl Flan ande ders rs.. FLATTERERS. Never miss the chance to quote: "By God, I cann cannot ot flat flatte ter" r";; and and "Eve "Every ry flat flatte tere rerr li live vess off off the the fool fool who who listens to him." FLIES.Puer P uer abige abige muscas» muscas» FLOODVICTIMS.Al Alwa ways ys al along ong th thee Loir Loire. e. FOET FO ETUS US.. Any Any anat anatom omic ical al spec specim imen en pres preser erve vedd ID spir spirit itss of wme.
FOOD.. In boar FOOD boardi ding ng schoo chools ls,, al alwa ways ys "who "whole lessom omee ful."
and and pl plen enti ti--
FOREHEAD.Wide and bald, a sign of genius, or of selfconfidence. FOREIGN IGN.A fad for everythi hinng foreign: a sign of a liberal ~1in ~1ind; d; cont contemp emptt for what whateve everr is not Fren French: ch: a sign sign of patr patrio iottrsm.
FORK..Sh FORK Shoul ouldd al alwa ways ys be of silv silver er-i -it't'ss le less ss dange dangero rous us.. Use Use it in thee le th left ft hand, hand, it is eas easie ierr and more more di dist stin ingu guis ishe hed. d. FORNARINA. Shee was Sh was a beau beauti tifu full woma woman. n. That That is al alll you you need need to know. FORTUNE.2 Auda Au dace cess f ort ort una una Juva Juvatt . The rich are happy, they have have mone money. y. When When to told ld of any any large large fort fortun une, e, al alwa ways ys put in in,, "Yes, but is it secure 1" FOSSIL.A proof of the Flood. A joke in good taste when allu al ludi ding ng to a memb member er of the the Acad Academ emyy . ..............•...........
.
"Boy! "Boy! Shoo Shoo away away those those flies." flies." From From Cicero, icero, De oratore oratore,, II, 60,247. 60,247. Th Thee implicaimplication tion is: "Awa "Away y with with these these impor importun tunate ate people people I" "Mus "Musca ca"" or fly fly is here here a prop proper er nam name as well. 2 In French, French, fortune by itse itself lf means eans on only ly wealt ealth, h, where hereas as in the the Latin atin ph phra rase se it means means only only chance, chance, which favors favors the enterprisin enterprising. g. In his first definit definition ion Flaubert Flaubert dwells dwells on the shift shift in meanin meaning g by equatin equating g the terms. terms. 1
39
FOUNDATION.Al Alll news news is wi with thou outt -. FREE-LANCE (SOLDIER). (SOLDIER).More More to be feare fearedd th than an th thee enem enemy. y. FREEMASONRY. Yet another cause of the Revolution. The initiation is a fearful ordeal. Cause of dissension among marr marrie iedd pair pairs. s. Di Dist stru rust sted ed by th thee cl cler ergy gy.. What What can can its its grea greatt secret be? FREETRADE.Cause of all business troubles. FRENCH NCH.Th .The leading people in the world. "It means only one more Frenchman"! (said th the Comte d' Artois). How proud one is to to be French when gazing at the Colonne Vendôme.ê FRENCHFURY.Always FURY.Always pronounce pronoun ce furia furia francese francese..3 FRES FRESCO COPA PAIN INTI TING NG.No . lo long nger er do done ne.. FRICASSEE. Only Only go good od in the the count country ry.. FROG.F FROG.Fema emale le of the toad. toad. FUGUE..Nobo FUGUE Nobody dy kn know owss what what it con consi sist stss in, in, but yo youu mu must st asse assert rt that th at it is extr extrem emel elyy di diff ffic icul ultt and and extr extrem emel elyy du dull ll.. FULMINATE. Nice verb. FUNERAL.About the deceased sed: "To think that Ihad had di dinn nner er witth him a wee wi week ago." Called obsequies if it' it's a ge general; inhu in huma mati tion on if it's it's a ph phil iloso osoph pher er.. FUNNY. FUNNY.Sh Shou ould ld be use usedd on al alll occa occasi sion ons: s: "How "How funn funny! y!"" ..•
-.-.-
• . . _ . . . . . • . . . . . . . . . . . • . . . • • ._• _ . _ . _ . . . . . •_ . . . . . . . . .-
. _• . . . • • . . . • . . . . . • . . . . . . • ._. . . -. . . . • • . . . • . . . . • . ._. • . _. . _ . . . . . • . . . . . . . • . ._. • . _ . _ • . . . • • . . . • • . . . . •
Allus llusio ion n to an apoc apocry ryph phal al spee speech ch of the the rest restor ored ed Bou ourb rbon on prin prince ce in 18 1814 14:: "Noth "Nothing ing is chang changed; ed; there there is only only one more more French Frenchma man." n." .Allus usio ion n is to the mo monu nume ment nt made made of the enem enemy y gu guns ns capt captur ured ed by Napol apoleo eon' n'ss 2 .All 1
arrrues. 3 Allusio llusion n to the behavi behavior or of French French armies armies in the Italian Italian and Spani Spanish sh wars wars of the fifteen fifteenth th and sixteenth sixteenth centur centuries ies.. 4°
Toke Tokenn of wea wealt lth. h. appreh ehen ensi sive ve-e -eve very ry kind kind of mi mish shap ap can can happ happen en FURNITURE. Be appr to yours. FUSION. Of th thee tw twoo bran branch ches es of the the royal royal fami family ly:: keep keep ho hopi ping ng for it. FURS.
41
G GAIE GAIETY TY.. Al Alwa ways ys prec preced eded ed by "m "mad ad." ." GALANT HOMME. According to "1 ema" n. ga antuomo "" or gent I
circumstances,
pronounce
GALL GALLOP OPHO HOBE BE..Use Use this this term term in spea speaki king ng of Germ German an jour journa nali list sts. s. GAME. Good only when high. GAMIN. Always from Paris. Don't let you your wife say: "When I feel gay, I love to act like a gamin." GAM GAMING ING. Wax Wax indi indign gnan antt
at thi thiss fat fatal pass passio ionn.
GARD GARDEN ENS(EN S(ENGL GLIS ISH) H).. More More natu natura rall than than Fren French ch on ones es.. GARL GARLIC IC.. Ki Kill llss inte intest stin inal al worm wormss and and inci incite tess to amor amorou ouss jous jousti ting ng.. Henry IV's lips were rubbed with it at at bi birth. GARRET. At twenty,
one can be ver very happy there.!
GART GARTER ERS. S.Al Alwa ways ys to be be wor wornn abov abovee the the kne kneee by soci societ etyy wome women; n; below it by by women of th the people. A wo woman must never neglect this po point of dr dress-there are so so many ill-bred men in the the worl world. d. GENERAL. Always "brave." Genera erally doing something other than his job, such as being an am ambassador, alderm erman or hea head of the the stat state. e. GENERATIO GENERATION N (SPONTANEOU (SPONTANEOUS). S).A socialisti socialisticc idea. 4••.•• • 0 •.•••.•••.•••.•• _._._._._
••.•••.•••••••••••...•• _._._._
••.•••.•••••••••••.•••.•••.•• _._._
••.•••••••••••••••.•••.•••.•• _._.
__
••.•••••••••••••••••••..••
Allus Allusion ion to a popula popularr son song g about about the pleasur pleasures es of being being poor poor in youth youth..
1
42
GENI GENIUS US..No No poin pointt admi admiri ringng-it it's 's a neur neuros osis is.. GENOVEFAN. Meanin Meaningg unknown unknown.! .! GENTLEMEN. Ther Theree aren aren't't any any left. left. GEOMETRICIAN."Travelling on strange seas of thoughtalon al onee ... ... " GERMANS.Always preceded by "blond," "dreamy"bu t how ho w effi effici cien entt the their ir army army!! A peop people le of metap metaphy hysi sici cian anss (old fashioned). "It' "It'ss no wond wonder er th they ey beat beat us, we were weren' n'tt read readyy 1" 1"22 GIAO GIAOUR UR..Fi Fier erce ce expr expres essi sion on of unk unkno nown wn mean meanin ing, g, th thou ough gh it is know kn ownn to refe referr to th thee Orie Orient nt.. GIBBERISH. Fore Fo reig igne ners rs'' way way of tal talki king ng.. Al Alwa ways ys make make fun fun of the the fore foreig igne nerr who who mu murd rder erss Fren French ch.. GIFT GIFT..It isn' isn'tt th thee value value that that giv gives es itit price price,, or rathe rather, r, not th thee price price that gives it value. The gift is no nothing, it's the thought behin behindd it it.. GIRAFFE.Po Poli lite te word ord to avoi avoidd call callin ingg a woma womann an old old cow cow. GIRONDISTS. "More "More sinne sinnedd agai agains nstt th than an sinni sinning. ng."" GLOB GLOBE. E.Gent Gentee eell way way of ref refer erri ring ng to a woma woman' n'ss brea breast sts: s: "May "May I be be perm permit itte tedd to kiss kiss thos thosee ador adorab able le gl glob obes es I" GLORIA.3 GLORIA.3Never without without its Consolation. GLOVES.Confer Confer respectabili respectability. ty. GOBELINS.A tape tapest stry ry of this this kind kind is an amazi amazing ng pi piec ecee of work, work, it take takess fif fifty ty years years to make. make. On seei seeing ng it, excl exclai aim: m: "It is more more beautiful than a painting!" The workman does no n ot e v e n know kn ow what what he iiss abou about. t. • .....•...•....•....•....•.._ . • . _ • . . . . • . . . • . . . . •_ . -. . . • . • . . . • . . . • . . . . • . . . . • -.•....• ........• ....• - . - . -. . . . . • . . . . • . .-. . . - . -• . . . • • . . • • . . . • . . . . • . . . .. . . . • . . . . • . . . • . . . . • . . -..•
Deno Denote tess a cano canonn of the the Chur Church ch of Sain Saintt Gene Genevi viev eve. e. entries: es: "Allemagne" and "Allemal/ds." The The allu allusi sion on is to the Frenc Frenchh defe defeat at 2 Two entri of 1870. 3 Allu Allusi sion on to the the conc conclu ludi ding ng stan stanza za of eve every ry psal psalm m used used in the litu liturg rgyy and and at tthe he same same time time to the popula popularr name name of coff coffee ee lace lacedd with with bran brandy dy.. 1
43
GOD. Vol Voltaire himself admitted it: "If God did not exist, it would be ne necessary to inv invent him." "GODDAM". The essence of the English language, as Be Beaumarc marcha hais is said said.'.' Sn Snic icke kerr patr patron oniz izin ingl gly. y. GODF GODFAT ATHE HER. R.Al Alwa ways ys the the actu actual al fath father er of the the go godc dchi hild ld.. "GOD SAVE THE KING". Pronounced, in Béranger's verses, prés ervé,, etc. et c....... "God save té King"; it rimes with sauvé préservé GOG. Always goes with Magog. GOLD GOLDEN EN NUMB NUMBE ER, DOMI DOMINI NIC CAL LETT LETTER ER,, ETC. ETC. Sh Show ownn calendars but nobody knows what they mean.
on all all
GORDIAN KNOT. Has to do with antiquity. (The way the ancien cients ts ti tied ed thei theirr neck neckti ties es.) .) GOSP GOSPE ELs. Ls. Di Divvin ine, e, subl sublim ime, e, (and and so for forth th), ), work works. s. GOT GOTHIC. Arc Architectu turral style which in insp spir irees religious feelin ingg to a greater degree than oth theers. GOWN GOWN (A WOMA WOMAN' N'S) S).. Di Dist stur urbi bing ng
to the the fanc fancy. y.
GRA GRAMMA MMAR. Teach it to children in earlies iest youth as something clea clearr and and easy easy.. GRAMMARIANS.All GRAMMARIANS.All pedants. GRA GRAPES PESHOT.Th .The only way to make the Pa Parrisians shu shut up. GRA GRATITUDE. Don't mention GREATCOAT. Always adventures. GRE GREEK. Whatev tever
it.
the color
of stone walls, for amorous
one can cannot understand
is Greek.ê
GRISETTES.The .There aren't any left. This is to to be said with the discomfited air of of th the hun hunter ter who who say says th there is no more game . ...........
.............•....................
1
Allu Allusi sion on to The Marriage Marriage ofPigaro, ofPigaro, Act III, Sc, V.
2
Fr: "Hébreu."
44
GROG.
Not respectabl respectable. e.
At some time or other a big banq banque uett or no nota tabl blee party party was give given n ther there. e. "Wha "Whatt yo you u see see is lik like organ rgan pipes ipes.. Durin ring the the Revo evoluti lutio on, Mass ass was was cele cele-brated there in secret.
GROT GROTTO TOES ES
GROUP.
WITH ITH
STAL STALAC ACTI TITE TES. S.
Suitab Suitable le for a mantel mantelpie piece ce or in po politi litics. cs.
The gu guar ard d will ill die die but but won on't't su surre rrend nder er:: seve seven n wor words ds to stand for five Ïetters.!
GUARD.
Does more harm arm to the the enemy emy tha than the the reg regular
GUERRILLA.
forces. GUESTS.
Hold Hold them them up as exam exampl ples es to your your child children ren..
GULFSTREAM.
Famous Famous Norwegian orwegian town, town, recently recently discovered discovered..
Term Term used used by fierce fierce republ republica icans ns to design designate ate po polic licee
GUNMEN.2
officers. GYMN GYMNAS ASE E
(LE). (LE).
Branch ranch of the Com oméd édie ie Fran Français çaise.ê e.ê
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
e • • • • • • • • • • •
~
Allusi Allusion on to the reply reply ("Merde") given given by Gene General ral Cambro ambronn nnee to the the summ summon onss to surre surrend nder er at Waterlo aterloo. o. Th Thee dresse dressed-u d-up p "his "histor torica ical" l" versi version on for texttext-bo book ok use use is that that given in the seven words. • Fr:" r:" Sbires", from from the the Italia Italian n Sbirri. • Th This is refers refers to a theat theater er in Paris Paris whi which ch for for a tim timee receiv received ed a gov govern ernm ment subs subsidy idy,, like like the the Com omédi édiee Franç Français aisee and and others others.. See See ODÉON. 1
45
H Second Seco nd natu nature re.. Sc Scho hool ol habi habits ts are are bad bad habi habits ts.. Gi Give venn th thee righ rightt habi habits ts on onee coul couldd pl play ay th thee vi viol olin in li like ke Pagan Paganin ini. i.
HABIT.
Confu Confuse se wit withh eunuc eunuch. h.
HAIDUK.1
HAIR HAIR (WAV (WAVIN ING G THE) THE)..
Not Not suit suitab able le for for men. men.
Alwa Al ways ys from from Main Mainz. z. But But watc watchh out for tric trichi hino nosi sis. s.
HAM.
HAML HAMLET ET
(SMA (SMALL LL VILL VILLA AGE). GE).
A touching word in literature;
effective in poetry. Chara Charact cter eris isti ticc of creo creole le women. women. Indis Indispe pens nsab able le in a gard garden en.. Pe Pers rsua uade de yo your urse self lf th that at it is mo more re comf comfor orta tabl blee th than an a bed.
HAMMOCK.
To go gove vern rn Fran France ce,, mu must st be of iro iron; n; to have have a beau beauti tifu full hand hand mean meanss to have have a fme handwr handwriti iting. ng.
HAND.2
A neat neat hand hand lead leadss to the top top.. Unde Undeci ciph phera erabl ble: e: a sign sign of deep deep scienc science, e, e.g. e.g. doctors doctors'' prescrip prescription tions. s.
HANDWRITING.
HANGMAN.
Trade rade hand handed ed do down wn from from fath father er to son son..
Always Alwa ys add add "as "as iron iron." ." Ther Theree is al also so "ha "hard rd as rock rock," ," bu butt that th at is much much less less force forceful ful..
HARD.
HARE. ..
Slee Sl eeps ps with with its eyes eyes op open en .
.....•••.........•..•.....................
J
Hung Hungari arian an foot foot soldi soldier. er.
2
Two Two ent entrie ries: s: "Bras" and uMain."
,
HAREM. HAREM.Always Always compar comparee a cock cock amid amid the hens to a sultan sultan in his hare harem. m. Ever Everyy coll colleg egee bo boyy drea dreams ms of thi this. s. HARP HARP.. Gi Give vess ou outt cele celest stia iall harm harmon onie ies. s. In engr engrav avin ings gs,, is only only play pl ayed ed next ext to rui uins ns or on th thee edg edge of a to torren rrentt. Sh Shoows off off the arm and hand. HASHEESH.Do not confuse with hash, which produces no volupt vol uptuou uouss sensat sensation ionss whatev whatever. er. HATS HATS.Comp .Compla lain in of the their ir shap shape. e. HAWSER.Peop P eople le hav have no idea idea how how stro stronng it isis-str stron ongger iron. HEALTH.Excess Excess of health health causes causes illn illness ess..
than han
HEAT HEAT.A .Alw lway ayss "u "unb nbear earab able le." ." Do not drin drinkk on ho hott days days.. HELO HELOTS TS..Cite Cite as a warn warnin ingg to your your son, son, thoug thoughh yo youu woul wouldd be hard put to it to show him any. HEMORRHOIDS. Come Come from from sitt sittin ingg on stove stovess and and ston stonee benc benche hes. s. St. Pi Piacre's evil. A sign of he health-hence do not try to rid yourse yourself lf of them. them. HENR HENRY YIII, III, HENRY HENRYIV IV.. "Whe "Whenn menti mention oned ed,, do no nott fail fail to say: say: "All "All th thee Henry Henryss were were un unfo fort rtun unat atee !"1 !"1 HERCULES.A ty type pe from from th thee Nort North. h. HERMAPHRODITES. Aro Arouse use un unwh whol oles esoome curi curios osiity. Try Try to see one. HERN HERNIA IA..Ever Everyb ybod odyy has has one one with withou outt kn know owin ingg it it.. HEROD.To be "as old as Herod."2 .•....................•.•.........•.•......•. Both Both were were assass assassina inated tedlik likee Henry Henry of Guise. Guise. Henry Henry II was was killed killed in a tourna tourname ment. nt. • An esta establ blis ishe hed d clic cliché hé,, perh perhap apss owin owing g to a conf confus usio ion n with ith Hesio esiod. d. But what hat Flaub Flaubert ert seems seems to record record is anothe anotherr confus confusion ion,, that that of Herod Herod's 's age with with his anti antiqu quity ity.. 1
47
HERRING. HERRING."The "The wealth wealth of Hollan Holland." d." HIATUS HIATUS.Not .Not to be tolera tolerated ted.'.' HIcc HIccup ups. s. To cure cure,, pl plac acee a la larg rgee key key in the middl middlee of the the back back,, or cause fright. HœRO HœROGL GLYP YPmc mcs.L s.Lan angu guag agee of th thee anci ancien entt Egyp Egypti tian ans, s, in inve vent nted ed by th thee prie priest stss to conc concea eall th thei eirr sham shamef eful ul secr secret ets. s. "Just "Just th thin inkk ! Ther here are peop peoplle who who un unde ders rsta tand nd hie iero roggly lyph phic ics! s! But afte afterr all, the the whole thing may be a hoax ... " HIpPOCRATES. Alwa Al ways ys to be cite citedd in Lati Latinn beca becaus usee he wrot wrotee in Greek, except in the maxim: "Hippocrates says Yes, but Galen says No." H!PPOLYTUS.Hi Hiss death death th thee mo most st beau beauti tifu full narr narrat ativ ivee subj subjec ectt th that at can can be assi assign gned ed in clas class. s. Ever Everyo yone ne shou should ld kn know ow th thee pi piec ecee by heart.ê HOME HOME.. Al Alwa ways ys a cast castle le in invi viol olat ate. e. Howe Howeve ver, r, th thee polic policee and and the jud judiici ciar aryy can ent enter whe wheneve neverr th theey pl pleease ase. "Goi "Going ng bac back to my hear hearth th and and ho home me;; to my fire firesi side de." ." HOMER. HOMER.Nev Never er existe existed. d. Famous Famous for his laught laughter. er. "Ecce HOMO. Say: "Ecce one is expecting.
homo!" homo!"
on th thee arri arriva vall of any any pers person on whom whom
HONO HONOR. R.Wh When en ment mentio ione ned, d, mi misq squo uote te:: "But "But he th that at filc filche hess from from me my my goo oodd name name do dotth make me poo poorr ind ndeeed." ed." One One must ust alwa al ways ys be con conce cern rned ed abou aboutt on one' e'ss own, own, and and not not grea greatl tlyy conconcern cerned ed abou aboutt ot othe hers rs'.'. ..
.. . . . . . . . . • . • . . . . . . . . . • . • . . . . . . . .
The The comi coming ng toge togeth ther er of two two vowe vowels ls is forb forbid idde denn in Fre Frenc nchh vers versee and depr deprec ecat ated ed in Fren French ch pros prose. e. It is a sub subje ject ct of repro reproof of li like ke the the spli splitt infi infini niti tive ve.. 2 From From Racine Racine's 's PhU", Act Act V, Sc. VI, VI, a part partic icul ular arly ly gory gory pass passag agee from "the "the gent gentle le 1
Racine."
HORN (HUNTING).Lovely effect in the woods, and at ni nigght across the water. HORSES.If If th they ey knew knew th thei eirr stre streng ngth th,, th they ey woul wouldd no nott let let themthemselv selves es be led. led. Hors Horsem emea eat: t: exce excell llen entt subj subjec ectt for for a pamp pamphl hlet et by a ma man seek seekin ingg a re repu puttati ation on.. Raceh acehor orse se:: desp despiise itit-of of what what use use is is it? it? HOSPITALITY. Must Must alw always ays be Sc Scot otti tissh. Quo uote te:: "In "In Sc Scot otlland, and, hosp ho spit ital alit ityy when when soug sought ht is gi give venn and and neve neverr bough bought.t."" HOSPODAR.So Soun unds ds well in a rem remar arkk on th thee Near Near East East questi question. on. HOSTILITIES. Hostilities are like oysters, they have to be opened. "Open hostilities" sounds as if one ought to sit down at table. HOTELS. HOTELS.Are Are only good in Switzerlan Switzerland. d. HUGO HUGO,, VICT VICTOR OR.."Mad "Madee a sad sad mist mistak ake, e, real really ly,, when when he ente entere redd politi pol itics. cs. " HUMIDITY.Cause Cause of every disease. HUNCHBACKS. Are Are very very wi witt tty. y. Much Much soug sought ht afte afterr by las lasci civi viou ouss women. HUNT HUNT.. Good Good exer exerci cise se,, whic whichh on onee mu must st pret preten endd to lo love ve.. Pa Part rt of the the roya royall stat state. e. The jud judic icia iary ry rave rave abou aboutt it it.. HUSSAR.Prono Pronoun unce ce hooza hoozar. r. Al Alwa ways ys prec preced eded ed by "hands "handsom ome" e" or "d "das ashi hing ng". ". At Attr trac acts ts th thee ladie ladies. s. Neve Neverr fail fail to to hu hum m : "Yo "Youu who know a young hussar ... ... " HYDR HYDRAA-HE HEAD ADED ED (MON (MONST STER ER).).Of anar anarch chy, y, soci social alis ism, m, and and so on on of all all alar alarmi ming ng syst system ems. s. We We mu must st try try and and conq conque uerr it it.. HYDROTHERAPY. Cure Cure and and caus causee of ever everyy know knownn dise diseas ase. e. HYGIENE.Must Must be maint maintai aine ned. d. Prev Preven ents ts il illn lnes ess, s, exce except pt when when it pro provo voke kess it it.. 49
Use the word ord in call callin ing g for the the refo reform rm of the law govern governing ing mo mortg rtgage ages: s: very very swank swank.. "rash," always always "bold." "bold." HYPOTHESIS. Often "rash," HYPOTHECATE.
HYSTERIA.
Confuse with nymphomania.
50
I ICE ICE-CR -CREAM EAM IcES.
It
The best of the philosophic
Every Ev ery newspap newspaperm erman an is an ideolo ideologist. gist.
Those Th ose who differ differ with with yo you. u.
IDOLATERS. ILIAD.
systerns.!
Perfectly useless.
IDEOLOGISTS. IDIOTS.
All Neapolitans.
is dangerous to eat them.
IDEALISM. IDEALS.
MEN. MEN.
Are cannibals too.
Always lways follow followed ed by "Odys "Odyssey." sey."
A do docto ctor's r's pres prescri cript ptio ion n sh shou ould ld be. be. Like Likew wise one's one's signa signatur ture-it e-it sho show ws one one is swam swampe ped d with with corres correspo pond nden ence. ce.
ILLEGIBLE.
Prete retend nd to hav have had a grea greatt many, any, regr regret et that that yo you u have lost them all.
ILLUSIONS.
Alway lwayss "live "lively ly." ." Be on guard guard again against st it. When hen lack lackin ing g in onese neself lf,, atta attack ck it in other thers. s. To write rite a nove novel, l, all all you need is imagination.
IMAGINATION.
Distinctl istinctly y enun enuncia ciated ted,, this word word confe confers rs prestig prestigee on the user.
IMMORALITY.
IMPERIALISTS.2
All ho hone nest, st, po polite lite,, peace peaceab able, le, charmi charming ng peop people le..
.•..................... 1
2
Flau Flaube bert rt seem seemss to have have dist distru rust sted ed Idea Ideali lism sm and and Mate Materi rial alis ism m equa equall lly. y. I.e. I.e. suppo support rter erss of the the Fren French ch Seco Second nd Empi Empire re.. 51
.
IMPIET IMPIETY. Y.Thu Thunde nderr
agains against.t.
IMpO IMpOR RTS. TS. Cank anker at the the hear heartt of Trad Trade. e. IMPRESARIO. Artist's cede cededd by "cle "cleve ver. r.""
word
meaning
Manager.
Always
pre-
INAUGURATION.lCaus Causee for for rejo rejoic icin ing. g. INCO NCOMPET PETENC ENCE.Al E.Alway ways "n "nootori torioous." us." The more inco ncompeten etentt one is, th the more ambitious one ought to be. be. INC INCOGN OGNITO ITO. The The dre dress of pri princ nces es on thei heir trav ravels els. INCRUS INCRUSTAT TATION ION.A .Appl pplies ies onl onlyy to mo mothe ther-o r-of-p f-pear earl.l. INDIAINDIA-RU RUBBE BBER. R.Mad Madee of horse' horse'ss scrotu scrotum. m. INDO INDOLE LENC NCE.P E.Pro rodu duct ct
of warm warm clim climat ates es..
INDUSTRY.See TRADE. INFA INFAN NTIC TICIDE.C IDE.Coommitte ittedd
only nly by the the lowe lowerr clas classses. es.
INFINITESIMAL. Meaning homeopathy.
unknown,
but it has to do with
INKW INKWEL ELL.Th L.Thee idea ideall gift gift for for a do doct ctor or.. INNA INNATE TEID IDEA EAS.Mak S.Makee fun fun of the them. m. INNO INNOCE CENC NCE.Pro E.Prove vedd
by un unsh shak akab able le
calm calm..
INNOVA INNOVATIO TION. N. Always Always "dange "dangerou rous." s." INQU INQUIS ISIT ITIO ION. N. Its Its crim crimes es have have been been exag exagge gera rate ted. d. INSCR INSCRIPT IPTION ION.. Always Always "cunei "cuneifor form." m." INSP INSPIR IRAT ATIO ION( N(PO POET ETIC IC). ). Brou Brough ghtt women, etc.
on by by:: a sig sight ht of the sea, sea, love love,,
INST INSTIN INCT CT.. Does Does du duty ty for for inte intell llig igen ence ce .
_
. • • . • • . . . . . . . • . . . . • . . . . • . . . . • • . • • . • • . • • . • • . . . . . . • . . . . • . . . . • ._. • . _ 1
• . _ . •_. . . . . . . . . . . . • . . . • • . . . • . . . . • . . . . . . . . • . _• . . • . . • . . . • . . . • . . . . • . . . . _
This Th is has no no politic political al impli implicat cation ionss but applie appliess to all "open "opening ings." s."
52
_
•.••........••...••...••...••
INSTITUTE.! The members eye-shades.
are all old men who wear green
INSTRUMENT.If us used to commit unless it hap happen pens to be shar harp.
a cr crime,
always
"blunt"-
INS INSULT. LT. Must ust always be was washed ou outt in blood. INSU INSURR RRECT ECTIO ION. N."The "The ho holi lies estt of dut dutie ies" s" (Blan (Blanqu qui). i).22 INTEG INTEGRIT RITY. Y.Fo Found und part partic icul ular arly ly INTERV INTERVAL. AL.Invaria Invariably bly
in jud judge ges. s.
long. lon g.
INTO INTOXI XICA CATI TION ON.A .Alw lway ayss prec preced eded ed by "m "mad ad." ." INTR INTRIG IGUE UE.T .The he gate gatewa wayy
to ever everyt ythi hing. ng.
INTROD INTRODUCT UCTION ION.Obsc .Obscene ene word. word. INVALID. To raise his spi spirits, pooh-pooh cou ount nt the the stor storyy of his his suff suffeering ring..
his ailment
and dis-
INVA INVASI SION ON.B .Bri ring ngss tear tearss to you yourr eyes eyes." ." INv INvENT ENTORS.All .All di die in in th the poorho houuse. by th their genius-it isn't fair."
"The wrong man profit fits
ITALIAN ITALIANS. S.All All musical musical.. All treach treachero erous. us. ITALY. Should be seen immediately after marriage. Is ve very disappointing-not nearly so beautiful as people say. IVORY. Refers only to teeth .
............•
.
Stric Strictly tly,, the name name of the £ive £ive acade academi mies es togethe together, r, bu butt usua usually lly the name name is reserv reserved ed for for any any of the the four four that that are are not not the the Liter Literar ary y or French French Acade cadem my. Thu huss "a membe emberr of the Institu Institute" te" deno denotes tes a mem membe berr of the Acade Academy my of Scien Science ce,, of Fine Arts, Arts, of Inscrip Inscrip-tions tions or of Moral Moral and and Polit Politica icall Scien Science. ce. revolutionist (1805-1881) who took took the the motto otto "Nei "Neith ther er God nor nor 2 Professional revolutionist 1
master."
• Allu Allusio sion n to the Fran Franco co-Pr -Pruss ussian ian War of 1870-71.
53
] JANSENISM. Meaning swank. JAPA JAPAN. N. Ever Everyyth thin ingg
unknown,
but any reference
to it
IS
ther th eree is mad made of chin china. a.
JASPE JASPER. R.Al Alll vase vasess in museu useum ms
are are of jasp jasper er..
JAVELIN.As go good as a gun if you only know how to thr throw it. JEAL JEALOU OUSY SY.. Al Alwa ways ys pre precede cededd by "fren frenzi zied ed." ." Fe Fear arso som me passi assioon. Eyebrows that meet in the the middle a sign of jealousy. JESUITS. Have a hand in eve every revolu luttion. Nobody has an any ide idea how numerous they are. Do not refer to the "battle of th the jesuits."! JEWE JEWELE LER.Alw R.Alway ayss call call him him M. jos josse se.ê .ê JEWS JEWS.. "S "Son onss ofIs ofIsra rae1 e1." ." JOCK JOCKEY EY.. Depl Deplor oree
Alll Jews Al Jews are are spec specta tacl clee vend vendor ors. s.
the the bree breed. d.
JOCKEY CLUB. It Its members are all gay young dogs and very wealthy. Say simply, "The Jockey"-very swank: implies youu belo yo belong ng.. JOHN BULL. When an Englishman's name is not known, he iiss calle alledd Joh John Bul ulll . . . • • . . . . . . ._• . _. . . . . . . . . . . . . • • . . . . . . . . . . . • _ • . _ •.••.............•...••...•• ....... • . • • . • • . . . . • . . • • . . • • • . . . • . . . •• . . . . . . . . . . . . • • . . . • . . _. • . _. . . . . . . . . • • . . ._
_ _
_
A euph euphem emism ism for pedera pederasty sty.. Th Thee confl conflict ict with with the Jesui Jesuits ts in Franc Francee since since the the 17 17th th century century sup suppli plies es the needed needed ambigu ambiguity. ity. llusio ion n to the the char charac acte terr in Molie oliere re's 's Amollr médecin who sugg sugges ests ts jew jewelry elry as 2 Allus the cure cure for the ailing ailing yo youn ung g girl. girl. His His name name is no now w a sym symbo boll of selfself-pro profit fiting ing advic advice. e. 1
54
The mother of fun and games. Never mention her daughters JUDICIARY. An excell excellen entt care career er if on onee want wantss to marr marryy an hei heire ress. ss. All jud judges ges are pedera pederasts. sts. The robe robe inspir inspires es respec respect.' t.' JUJUBE. Made Made of an an unkno unknown wn subs substa tanc nce. e. JURY. Do every verytthi hing ng yo youu can to get get off off it. it. Jus PRIM PRIMAE AE NO NOCT CTIS IS.. 2 Disbel Disbeliev ievee it. JUSTICE. Never worry about it . JOY.
•......•••• 1
•....•.••• .•...........•..•...•..
Two ent entrie ries: s: ('Magistrature"
and "Robe:'
• The supp suppos osed ed right right of the lord lord to spend spend the the first first night night with with the the peas peasan ant's t's brid bride. e. Flaub Flaubert ert refers refers to its symb symbol olic ic form, form, Jmnbage.
55
K KALEIDOSCOPE. KEEPSAKE.!
Used Used on only ly to desc describ ribee pictur picturee exhib exhibitio itions ns..
Oug ught ht to be foun found d on ever every y draw drawin ingg-ro room om tabl table. e.
Case designed to hold marshal's baton. called Cata Catalo lonia nian n when when the blad bladee is lon long; g; calle called d KNIFE. To be called dagg dagger er when when us used ed to comm commit a crim crime. e.
KNAPSACK.
KNOUT.
Word that that offen offends ds the the Rus ussia sians ns..
KORAN.
Book entirely entirely about about wome women, n, by Moha Moham mmed. med.
• . . . • . . . . . . . • . . _. - - _. . . . • . . . • . . .~• . ~ . _ .. ._. • . ... .-. . . • - . - . _ . _. . . . . . . . . . . . • . . . • . . . - .. .~. .~• . - . -• . . -. .~• . . .~• . - . _.. ~.~._.Not a mem memen ento to bu butt the the kind of ant antho holo logy gy or annua annuall misc miscel ella lany ny commo common n in the the nineteenth nineteenth century. century. 1
L LAll LAllOR ORAT ATOR ORY. Y.Have Have on onee on you yourr coun countr tryy
plac place. e.
LACO LACONI NIC. C. Idio Idiom m no long longer er spok spoken en.. LACUST LACUSTRIA RIAN N(TOWNS (TOWNS). ). Deny Deny their their existe existence nce,, since since it is is obviou obviously sly impo im posssibl siblee to live live un unde derr water. ter. LADIES. Always come first. "God bless them!" "You "Yourr go good od lady lady is in the the dra drawinging-ro room om.."
Never
LADS. Never give a commencement addres ress without to "you "you yo youn ungg lads lads"" (whi (whicch is taut tautol olog ogic ical al). ).
say:
referrin ring
LAFA LAFAYE YETT TTE. E.Gene Genera rall who who is famo famous us for for his his whi white te ho hors rse. e. LA FO FONT NTAI AINE NE..Main Mainta tain in that that you you have have neve neverr read read his his Tal Tales es.'.' Call Call him" him" the the go good od La Fon onta taiine, ne," "the "the immor immorta tall make makerr offa offabl bles es.." LAGO LAGOON ON.. City City on the the Adri Adriat atic ic.. LAKE. Have a woman with you when you sail on it. LANCET. Always carry one in your pocket, befo before re usi using it.
but think twice
LANDLORD.Th .The human rac race is divided into two classes: landlord lordss and and tena tenant nts. s. LANDSC LANDSCAP APES ES(ON (ON CANVA CANVAS). S).Alw Always ays so much spinac spinach. h. LANGUAGES (MODERN). Our ignorance of the them .
country's
ills are due to our
••.••• .•.••.• ....... •.•.•.• •...••• 1
Salacio Salacious us in in subject though though not in treatment. treatment.
57
.•..... ...
,
LAT LATE."My E."My la latte fath fatheer"-t r"-the henn yo youu rais raisee yo your ur hat. hat. LATH LATHE. E.In Indi dispe spens nsab able le for for rain rainyy days days in the the coun countr try. y. Have Have on onee in the attic. LAT LATIN. IN. The The nat natural ural spe speech ech of man. man. Sp Spoi oils ls one one's styl stylee. Of use use only on ly for for read readin ingg mot otttoes oes on publ public ic bu buil ildi ding ngs. s. Wat atcch ho how w you quote Latin tags-they all ha have something risqué in them. LAUGHTER.Always Always "Homer "Homeric. ic."" LAURELS.Keep Keep a man man from from slee sleepi ping ng.. LAVE.l Used Used on only ly of th thee cerem ceremon onia iall Wash Washin ingg of the the Fee Feet.t. LAW LAW (THE (THE)).Nob .Nobod odyy kn know owss wha what it is. is. LAWYERS.Too Too many many in Pa Parl rlia iame ment nt.. Thei Theirr judg judgme ment nt is warp warped ed.. Of a la lawy wyer er who who is a po poor or spea speake ker, r, say: say: "Yes "Yes,, bu butt he kn know owss his books." LEAGUE.You You can can walk walk a le leag ague ue fast faster er than than th thre reee mi mile les. s.êê LEAR LEARNE NED D(THE (THE).Mak ).Makee fun fun of. Al Alll it ta take kess to be lear earned ned is a good go od memor emoryy and and hard hard work work.. LEAR LEARNI NING NG.3 .3Desp Despis isee it as the the sign sign of a narr narrow ow mi mind nd.. Let Let on that th at yo youu have have a fair fair sha share re.. The The comm common on peop people le do not not need need it to earn earn th thei eirr dail dailyy brea bread. d. LEATHER.It all come comess from from Russi Russia. a. LEFfHANDED.Form Formid idab able le fenc fencer ers. s. Much Much mo more re deft deft th than an th thos osee who who use use the the righ rightt hand hand.. LENT LENT.. At bo bott ttom om is on only ly a hea healt lthh meas measur uree . ..........•..•................................ Fr: "Lavemellt," which which also means means enema. league ue bein being g take taken n as three three miles iles,, this this sayi saying ng sugg sugges ests ts the the psyc psycho holo logi gica call 2 A leag differ differenc encee betwe between en a singl singlee unit unit and its equiva equivalen lentt in parts. parts. 1
3
Two Two entries entries::
"Erudition"
and and "Instruction,"
LETH LETHA ARGY RGY.So Som me case ases are are kn know ownn
that hat last lasteed for for year years. s.
LIBER LIBERTI TINI NISM SM..Foun Foundd on only ly in big citi cities es.. LIBE IBERTY."L ."Liberty rty, what crimes are committed in thy name !"1 !"1 "We enjoy all the lib liberty we nee need." "Li "Liberty is not licence" (con (conse serv rvat ativ ivee tag) tag).. LIBR IBRARY.Always have one at home, parti rticularly the countr country. y.
if you live in
LIGHT LIGHT.. Al Alwa ways ys say: say: "Fiat lux" as yo youu li ligh ghtt a cand candle le.. LIGUE (SIXTEENTH (SIXTEENTH-CENT -CENTURY URYPOLITICALPARTY POLITICALPARTY). ). Forerunners Forerunners li libe bera rali lism sm in Fran France ce.. LILA ILAC. Delightful
because it me means summer
of
is here.
LINE INEN. To be we well dressed, one cannot display too much-or -or enough. LIO LION. Genero nerous us anim animal al.. Alw lwaays play playss wit ithh a larg largee ball ball.. "We "Well ll-roared, lion!" "To think that lions and tigers are just cats !" LITERATURE.Idle Idle pastime. LITTRÉ. Snicker on hearing his nam name: "the gentleman thinks we are des descended fro from the apes."2 LOATHSOME.Mu .Must be said of any work will ill no nott let let you you adm dmir iree.ê
w ho
of art that the Figaro
LOCK LOCKET ET.. Must Must con onta tain in a lock lock of hai hairr or a ph phot otog ogra raph ph.. LORD. LORD. Wealth Wealthyy
Englis Englishma hman. n.
LORG LORGNE NETT TTE. E.Insol Insolen entt and and dist distin ingu guis ishe hedd . •.........
.............•.........•..........
The words The words attrib attribute uted d to Mada Madame me Rolan Roland d on the scaffol scaffold. d. • The grea greatt Frenc French h lexi lexico cogr grap aphe herr was was also also a Posit Positiv ivist ist and and prop propon onen entt of evolu evolu-tionary tionary doctrine. doctrine. Thee Figaro. found founded ed in 1854. was was a virulen virulentt satiric satirical al paper paper which which took took a strong strongly ly 3 Th anti-i anti-inte ntelle llectu ctual, al, anti-a anti-arti rtisti sticc line line in the name name of "wit" and "common sense." 1
59
Lams
Alway lways: s: "that "that unfortu unfortuna nate te mo monar narch ch." ." LUCKY. Speak peakin ing g of a luck lucky y man: an: "He "He was born born tagg tagged ed." ."ll You will not know what you are talking about and neither will your listener. XVI.
"Come aboard my lugger, black-ey -eyed maid of Athen thenss ... " (par (parlo lorr so song ng). ). LUXURY. The downfall of great states. LYNX. Animal nimal renow renowned ned for its eye. LUGGER.
••...••••••••..•.•....•.•.........•.•...••.•. 1
Fr: "coiffé," that that is, born born with with a caul, caul, which which was was deemed deemed lucky lucky.. 60
,
M MACADAM.Has put an end to revolutions: barricades no long lo nger er po possi ssibl ble. e. Neve Nevert rthe hele less ss no nott so conv conven enie ient nt as befo before re.. MACARONI.When When prep prepar ared ed in th thee Ital Italia iann styl style, e, is serv served ed wi with th the fingers. MACH MACHIA IAVELU VELU.T .Tho houg ughh yo youu have have no nott read read hi him, m, cons consid ider er hi him m a scoundrel. scoundrel. MAClllAVELUAN. Word ord on onlly to be sp spok okeen wi with th a shu shudd ddeer. MACKINTOSH. Scotti Scottish sh philos philosoph opher; er; inv invent ented ed the rainco raincoat. at. MAESTRO.Ital Italia iann word word mean meanin ingg Pi Pian anis ist.t. MAGIC.Make fun of it. MAGNETISM. Fine Fi ne top topic ic of con conve vers rsat atio ion, n, and and on onee th that at wi will ll help help youu to ""ma yo make ke"" wome women. n. MAI MAID (THE (THE)).Use .Usedd on only ly to refe referr to Joan Joan of Arc Arc by addi adding ng "of Orleans." MAID(HOUSE-).All unsatisfac unsatisfactory. tory. Servants Servants are a thing of the past. MAJOR(ARMY).Only Only to be fou found nd in ho hote tell di dini ning ng room rooms. s. MAJŒ MAJŒ-u -uP. P.Ru Ruin inss th thee skin. skin. MALACCA.A walk walkin ingg stic stickk mu must st be of mala malacc cca. a. MALEDICTION. Alwa Al ways ys ut utte tere redd by a fat fathe her. r. MALTHUS."That "That scound scoundrel rel Malthu Malthus." s."ll ...•......•.•........••.••.•••••.••••..•••••.. 1
His His name name in France France is syn synony onymo mous us with with birth birth control control..
61
MAME MAMELU LUKE KES. S.An Anci cien entt peop people le of the the Orie Orient nt (Eg (Egyp ypt) t).. MAND MANDOL OLIN IN.. Indi Indisp spen ensa sabl blee for for sedu seduci cing ng Sp Span anis ishh wome women. n. MARB MARBLE LE.. Ever Everyy stat statue ue is of Parian marble. MARSEILLE(PEOPLEO F ). Al Alll grea greatt wi wits ts.. MART MARTYR YRS. S. Al Alll th thee earl earlyy Chris hristi tian anss
were were..
MARY MARY QUEEN QUEEN OF SCOT SCOTS. S. Pit Pityy her her fate fate.. MASK MASK.. Sti Stimu mula late tess
witt (at wi (at a bal ball) l)..
MATERIALISM. Utter syllable.
the word
w it h
horror,
stressing
eac h
MATH MATHEM EMAT ATIC ICS.Dry S.Dry up the the emot emotio ions ns.. MATT MATTRE RESS SS.. The The hard harder er the the heal health thie ier. r. MAXI MAXIM. M. Neve Neverr new; new; alwa always ys cons consol olin ingg. MAY MAY BUGS BUGS (OR (OR COCKC OCKCHA HAFE FER RS). S). Harb Harbin inge gers rs of summ summer er.. Fi Fine ne sub subject for a monograph. Their total extin incctio tion is the dre dream of ever everyy Préfet. When referring to them in a speech to the the farm farmer ers' s' grang range, e, you mu must st call call th them em "no noxi xioous cole coleop opte terra." a." MAYO MAYOR R (OF (OF A VILL VILLAG AGE) E)..Al Alwa ways ys ridi ridicu culo lous us.. insu in sult lted ed when when call called ed Al Aldderma erman. n. MAZARINADES.l Despise them; hand.
Thin Thinks ks he has been been
no need to know
any at fir first
MECH MECHAN ANIC ICS. S. Lowe Lowerr bran branch ch of mathe mathema matic tics. s. MEDA MEDALS LS.. Made Made on only ly in clas classi sica call anti antiqu quit ity. y. MEDI MEDICA CAL L STUD STUDEN ENTS TS..Sl Slee eepp next next to corp corpse ses. s. So Some me even even eat eat them. them. MEDICINE. When in good health, make fun of it it. MEERSCHAUM.Fo M.Found in the earth th;; used sed to make pipes . ............................................. 1
Song Songss and and pamph pamphlet letss agains againstt Mazar Mazarin in du during ring the Fronde Fronde (1649 (1649-16 -1653 53). ). 62
MELANCHOLY. Sign Si gn of a refm refmed ed hear heartt and and el elev evat ated ed mi mind nd.. MELODRAMAS. Less Less im immo mora rall th than an dram dramas as.. MELON. Nice topic for dinner-table conversation: is it a vege vegeta tabl blee or a fru fruit it 1 The The Engl Englis ishh eat eat it for for dess desser ert, t, whic whichh is astounding. MEMORY.Comp Compla lain in of yo your ur own; own; in inde deed ed,, bo boas astt of no nott havi having ng any. any. But roar roar lik likee a bul bulll if anyon anyonee says says you lack lack jud judgme gment. nt. ME DICI DICITY TY..Shoul Shouldd be proh prohib ibit ited ed and and neve neverr is. is. MEPHISTOPHELIAN. Appl Applie iess to any bi bitt tter er la laug ugh. h. MERCURY.Ki Kill llss the the pati patien entt wi with th th thee di dise seas ase. e. METALLURGY. Very Very swank. swank. METAMORPHOSIS. Make Make fun fun of the the time timess when when it was was beli believ eved ed in.. Ovid in Ovid was was th thee in inve vent ntor or.. METAPHORS. Alwa Al ways ys too many any in po poeems. ms. Al Alwa ways ys too many many in anybod anybody's y's writin writing.' g.' METAPHYSICS.Laugh it to scorn: proof of your superior intellect. METHOD.Of no use whatever. MEXI MEXICO CO."T ."The he Mexi Mexica cann expe expedi diti tion on is th thee grea greate test st id idea ea of the the pres presen entt gover governm nmen ent" t" (Rou (Rouhe her) r).2 .2 MIDNIG MIDNIGHT. HT.The The farthe farthest st bounda boundary ry of honest honest pleasu pleasures res;; beyond beyond it it,, what whatev ever er is do done ne is im immo mora ral.l. MILK MILK.. Di Diss ssol olve vess oy oyst ster ers, s, lu lure ress snak snakes es,, whit whiten enss th thee skin skin.. So Some me wome womenn of Par Paris is take take mi milk lk bath bathss dail daily. y. MrnrST MrnrSTER EROF OFSTA STATE. TE.The The hig highes hestt reach reach of human human glo glory ry . •.••••••••••....... ..•••.•.....•••.•. •..•.... Two Two entries: entries: "Images" and and "Métaphores," 2 Eu Eugèn gènee Rouhe Rouherr (1814-1884) was Nap Napol oleo eon n Ill' Ill'ss most ost willi illing ng mou outh thpi piec ecee in various various minist ministerial erial pos posts. ts. The Mexic Mexican an expedi expedition tion (I863-{)4) was a dismal failure. 1
MINU MINUTE TE."No ."Nobo body dy has has any any idea idea how how lo long ng a mi minu nute te real really ly is." is." MISSIONARIES. All are eaten or crucified. MISSIVE. MISSIVE.Nobler Nobler than "letter." "letter." MISTAKE."It' "It'ss wors worsee than than a crim crime, e, it it's 's a mi mist stak ake" e" (Tal (Talle leyr yran and). d). "The "There re is no nott a mi mist stak akee le left ft to comm commit it"" (Thi (Thier ers) s).. Thes Thesee tw twoo rema remark rkss mu must st be utter uttered ed wi with th an air air of pro profu fund ndit ity. y. MOB. MOB. Its Its instinc instincts ts are are al alwa ways ys good. good. Turb Turbaa ruit ruit or ruunt 11 "The vile multitude" (Thiers). "The sacred mob overran the doorw orways ... ... " MODELLING.In I n front front of a sta stattue, ue, say: say: "The "The mo mode dell llin ingg .is .is no nott with wi thout out charm charm." ."22 MODESTY.Woma Woman' n'ss great great je jewe wel.l. MOLE MOLE.. Blin Blindd as a mol mole. e. And And yet yet mo mole less have have eyes eyes.. MONARCHY."A co constitutional monarchy is the best of republics." sacrafa fames. mes. The god of the dayMONEY.Cause of all evil. Auri sacra butt no bu nott th thee same same as Apoll Apollo." o." Po Poli liti tici cian anss call call it emolum emolumen ents ts;; lawy la wyer ers, s, reta retain iner er;; docto doctors rs,, fee; fee; employe employers rs,, wages wages;; workm workmen en,, pay; pay; servan servants, ts, perquis perquisite ites. s. "Money "Money is not happines happiness." s." MONK MONKEY EY.."Off "Offsp spri ring ng of a monk." monk."!! Fo Foll llow ower er of St. St. Ona Onan." n." MONOPOL MONO POLY Y(STATE (STATE). ).Thunde Thunderr agai agains nstt . .........•.•..•••••••
•••.•••.•..•.•......•.•
"The "The mob swar swarm ms": s": the the po poin intt is wheth hether er the the noun noun is to be take taken n as a sing singul ular ar or a plural. 2 Fr: "Galbe." 3 Flau Flaube bert rt is play playin ing g on word wordss to fuse fuse seve severa rall ideas ideas-t -the he sungod sungod,, who is also also the the god go d of poet poetry ry;; the the pass passio ion n for for go gold ld (exp (expre ress ssed ed in the Latin Latin tag) tag),, the the show shower er of gold, gold, dayl daylig ight ht and and toda todayy-ou ourr times times.. • Fr:" Moineau" (a sparr sparrow ow)) is a punn punning ing diminu diminutiv tivee of "moine" (a monk). 5 Fr: "Congréganiste," i.e. i.e. a mem member ber of those those reli religi giou ouss orde orders rs pu putt in char charge ge of the the educat education ion of yo young ung boys-w boys-when hence ce the vulg vulgar ar accus accusatio ation n of immo immoral rality ity that that Flau Flauber bertt records. 1
MONS MONSTE TERS RS.No .No long longer er exta extant nt.. MOON MOON.. Ind Induc ucees mela melanc ncho holy ly..
May May be inha inhabi bite ted. d.
MOOSE. Plural "meese"-an
old ch chestnut
but always good for
a laugh.! MOSA MOSAIc Ic.. The The sec secret ret of the the art art is lost lost.. MOSQ MOSQU UITO ITO. More More dang dangeerous rous
tha than any wil ildd bea beast. st.
MOUN MOUNTE TEBA BANK NK.A .Alw lway ayss prec preced eded ed by "che "cheap ap." ." MUSC MUSCLE LES. S.Th Thee mu musc scle less of str stron ongg men men are alwa always ys of stee steeL L MUSE MUSEU UM: VERS ERSAILL AILLES ES..Reca Recallls the the grea greatt days days of the the nati nation on's 's hist histor ory. y. A sple splend ndid id ide idea of Loui Louiss Ph Phil ilip ippe pe's 's.. THE THE LOUVRE. To be avoided by yo youung ladies. DUPUYTREN.2 Recommended for young men. MUSH MUSHR ROOMS OOMS.Sh .Shou ould ld no nott be boug bought ht exc except ept at the the groc grocer er's 's.. MUSIC. Makes one think of a gr great many peop people le gent gentle le:: e.g. e.g. "La "La Mars Marsei eill llai aise se." ."
things.
Makes
a
MUSI MUSICI CIAN AN.. The The char charac acte teri rist stic ic of the the true true mu musi sici cian an is to comp compos osee no music, to pla play no ins instrum umeent and to des despise virtuo uossos. MUSS MUSSEL ELS. S.Al Alwa ways ys hard hard to dige digest st.. MUSTAR TARD. Good on onlly in Dij Dijon. Ruins the stomach .
. . . . . . . . . .. • . . . • . . . • . . . • . . . • • . . . • • . . . • • . . . • • . . • • . . •
_ .- ._ ._ ._ ._ ._ ._
• . . •. . . .
• • . . . . . •_ . _• . . . . . . • . . . . . • . . . . . • . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . • . . . .-. -.-
. . . . . • . . . • . . . • . . . . .-. . ---
Fr: "Shakos" (the (the milit militar aryy head headdr dres ess) s) sugg sugges este tedd as the the plur plural al of "chacal" (jackal). • See See note note unde underr DUPlIYTREN. 1
65
N NAPLES NAPLES..In In talkin talkingg to scholars scholars,, always always say: Partheno Parthenopei peia. a. "See "See Napl Naples es and and di die. e."" (See (See YVET YVETOT OT.) .) NATU NATURE RE..How How beau beauti tifu full is Natu Nature re!! Repe Repeat at ever everyy time time you you are are in the country. NAVIGATOR.Always Always "bold. "bold."" NECKERCHIEF. It is is prop proper er to bl blow ow on one' e'ss no nose se in it. it. NECTAR. NECTAR.Confu Confuse se with ambrosia. ambrosia. NEGRESSES.Hotter than white women. (See BL BLONDESand BRUNETTES.) NEGR NEGROE OES. S.Expr Expres esss surp surpri rise se th that at th thei eirr sali saliva va is whit whitee and and th that at they th ey can can spea speakk Fren French ch.. NEIGHBORS.Try to have them do you favors without its costin costingg you anythi anything. ng. NEOLOGISMS. The ruin of the French language. NERVOUS. NERVOUS.Is Is said every time a disease disease baffles baffles comprehen comprehensionsionit giv gives es satisfac satisfactio tionn to the listener listener.. NERVO NER VOUS USAILME AILMENT. NT.Always put put on-an act. NEW NEWSH SHOU OUND ND..Jour J ournnal alis ists ts:: when when yo youu add "y "yel ello low, w,"" thee dept th depthh of conte contemp mpt.t.
that th at is
NEWSPAPERS.One can't do wi without-but must be thundered against. Their importance in modem society, e.g. the 66
Figaro.! Serious sheets: Revue Revue des des Deux Deux Monde Mondes, s, L'Ec L'Econ onomi omist ste, e, the Jour You mu must st le leav avee them them abou aboutt in you yourr Journa nall des des Déba Débatt s. You
dra drawing room om,, raking care to cut the pages open pen before orehand. hand. Marki Marking ng cert certai ainn pass passag ages es in bl blue ue penc pencil il is al also so im impr pres es-sive. I n th thee morni morning, ng, read read an art artic icle le in one of of the these se grav gravee and soli solidd jo journ urnal als; s; in th thee even evenin ing, g, in compa company, ny, brin bringg th thee conve converrsati sation on arou around nd to th thee subj subjec ect, t, and and shin shine. e. Come from from th thee stoma stomach ch.. NIGHTMARES. Come Believ evee th that at th they ey ta talk lk wi with th a broa broadd a and kid them NORMANS. Beli about about their their nig nightc htcaps aps." ." When flaring flaring,, a sign sign of1asci of1asciviou viousne sness. ss. NOSTRILS. When orrupt pt th thee mass massees. Are Are le less ss im immo mora rall in seri seriaal than han NOVELS. Corru in vvol olum umee forr forrn. n.êê Only Only hi hist stor oric ical al no nove vels ls shou should ld be allo allowe wed, d, becaus becausee the theyy te teac achh hist histor ory. y. So Some me novels novels are are writ writte tenn wi with th th thee point poi nt of a scal scalpe pel.l. Other Otherss revol revolve ve on the point point of a need needle le.. NUMISMATICS. Relate Relatedd to the abstrus abstrusee science sciences; s; inspire inspiress deepes deepestt resp respec ectt .
•.........••.........•...........•........... See note under LOATHSOME. Fr: "bonnet hence the allusi allusion on to the chief chief textile textile indus industry try of the region. region. "bonnetss de colo/'/," hence 2 Fr: fact that that seri serial al publ public icat atio ion n was more ore clos closel ely y cens censor ored ed.. Cf. the the diff differ eren entt 3 It is a fact versions versions of Hardy's Hardy's novels. novels. 1
o OASIS.An inn in the desert. OBSCENITY.Al Alll scie scient ntifi ificc word wordss deri derived ved from from Gree Greekk and and Latin Latin conceal conceal an obscenity obscenity.. OCTOGENARIAN. Applies to any elderly man. ODALISQUES.All women in the Orient are odalisques. (See BAYADÈRES.) ODÉON. ODÉON.Jok Jokee about about its remote remotenes ness.' s.' ODOR ODOR (FOOT) (FOOT)..A sign sign of health health.. OFFENBACH.On hearing his nam name, hold two fmgers of the righ rightt hand hand cl clos osee tog toget ethe her, r, to pres preser erve ve yo your urse self lf from from th thee evil evil eye: eye: it look lookss very very fash fashion ionab able le and and Pa Pari risi sian an.. OLD. Always "prematurely." "prematurely." OLDESTINHABITANTS. In tim times es of flood flood,, th thund under erst stor orm, m, et etc. c.,, the the olde ol dest st inhabi inhabita tant ntss canno cannott reme rememb mber er ever ever havi having ng seen seen a wors worsee one. OLIV OLIVE EOIL.Nev OIL.Never er good. good. You You shoul shouldd have have a frie friend nd in Mars Marsei eill llee who who send sendss you you a smal smalll barr barrel el of it it.. OMEG OMEGA. A.Se Seco cond nd le lett tter er of the Gree Greekk al alpha phabe bet,t, since since ever everybo ybody dy alwa al ways ys says says:: "The "The al alph phaa and and om omeg egaa of. of. .. " OMNI OMNIBU BUS. S.Neve Neverr a seat seat to be found found.. Were Were in inve vent nted ed by Loui Louiss .........•.................................. This his thea theate terr is on the the left left bank bank of the the Sein Seine, e, wher wherea eass all all the the othe otherr subs subsid idiz ized ed houses are on the right. 1
68
XIV. "Let me tell you, sir, that I can can remember tricycles when when th they ey had had on only ly th thre reee whee wheels ls." ." OPERA(WINGS OPERA(WINGSOFTHE).Mohamm OFTHE).Mohammed's ed's heaven heaven on earth. OPTIMIST. OPTIMIST.Synonym Synonym for imbecile. imbecile. ORATION(FUNERAL). Any Any serm sermon on of Bos Bossu suet et's 's.. ORCHESTRA.Sy Symb mbol ol of soci socieety ty:: eac each pl plaays hi hiss part part and th ther eree is a leader. ORCIllTIS. ORCIllTIS.Gentl Gentleman' eman'ss disease. disease. ORDE ORDER( R(LA LAW WAND) AND).. How How many many crim crimes es are are comm commit itte tedd in thy thy name! name! (See (See LIBERT LIBERTY.) Y.) ORGANMUSIC. ORGANMUSIC.Lifts Lifts the soul upwards to God. ORIENTALIST. Far-flung Far-flung traveller. traveller. ORIGINAL.Make Make fun fun of ever everyt ythi hing ng th that at is orig origin inal al,, hate hate it, beat beat it dow down, n, anni annihi hila late te it if if you you can. can. OSTRICH.Will Will di dige gest st a ston stone. e. OTTER. OTTER.Cre Create atedd to make caps caps and waistcoa waistcoats. ts. OYSTERS.Nobo Nobody dy eats eats th them em any any more more:: to tooo expe expens nsiv ive! e!
p PAGA PA GANI NINI NI.. Neve Neverr tu tune nedd hi hiss vio ioli linn. Fa Famo mous us for for his his lo long ng fmg fmgers. ers. PAGEANTRY. Lends authority. Strikes the imagination of the masses. We need more of itit, mor more of itit. PAIN PA IN,, GRIE GRIEF. F.Al Alwa ways ys has has favo favora rabl blee by by-p -pro rodu duct cts. s. When When genu genuin ine, e, its its expr expres essi sioon is alwa always ys sub subdu dued ed.. PAIN PA INTI TING NG ON GLASS GLASS..The The secr secret et of the the art art is lost. lost. PALFREY. A wh white animal extinct.
of the middle
ages whose breed is
PALLA PALLADI DIUM UM.. Anci Ancien entt fort fortre ress. ss. PALM PALM TREE TREE.. Su Supp ppli lies es loca locall colo color. r. P ALMY ALMYR RA.An A n Egyp Egypti tian an
quee qu een? n? Fa Famo mous us ruin ruins? s? Nobo Nobody dy
knoows. kn ws.
PAMPHLETEERING.No longer done. PANT PA NTHE HEIS ISM.Thu M.Thund nder er
agai agains nst. t. An abs absur urdi dity ty..
PARADOX. Always originates twoo pu tw puff ffss on a cig cigar aret ette te." ."
"on
the Boulevards,
between
PARALL PARA LLEL ELSS(HIS (HISTO TORI RICA CAL) L).T .The he choi choice ce is as as foll follow ows: s: Caes Caesar ar and and Pompey, Horace and Virgil, Voltaire and Rousseau, Napoleon and Charlemagne, Goethe and Schiller, Bayard and MacMahon .... 1
~ . - .- . - .- . - . - .~ . - .- . - . - .- . ~ . _ . _ . - .- . - . - .~ . - .- . - . - .- . ~ . - .- . - .- . - .- . - . ~ . - .- . _ . _ . _ . - .~ . - .
Frenc French h marsh marshal al of Irish Irish descent descent who who helped helped effect effect the the trans transitio ition n from from the Secon Second d Emp mpir iree to the the Third hird Repub epubli lic. c. Popu Popula larl rly y admi admire red d as a sold soldie ierr and and as a monar monarch chis ist, t, he is here here bracke bracketed ted with with the patrio patriotic tic Bayard ayard to sugges suggestt contem contempor porary ary idolat idolatry. ry. 1
PARIS. The great whore. Heaven for wom women, PARLOR SONGS. He who ladies.
can sing parlor
PARTHIANSHO NSHOT. Wax indignant fact fact thor thorou ough ghly ly legi legiti tima mate te.'.' P ARTS."S ."Shameful"
hell for for hor horses. songs
"kills"
at suc such a shot, though
to some, "natural"
the
it is is in
to ot others.
PASS (MOU PASS (MOUNT NTAI AIN) N).. Al Alwa ways ys ment mentio ionn Ther Thermo moppyl ylae ae.. The The Vosg Vosges es are th t he Thermopylae of France. (This was often said in 1870.) PAVI PA VILI LION ON.. Abod Abodee of bl blis isss in a ggar arde den. n. PEDA PEDANT NTRY RY.. Sh Shou ould ld be run run do down wn,, un unle less ss it app appli lies es to trif trifle les. s. PEDE PEDERA RAST STY. Y.Dise Diseas asee that that affl afflic icts ts all all men men of a cer certa tain in age. age. PELICAN. Tears its br breast to nou nourish its yo young. paterfamilias. PERU. Country
in wh which everything
Symbol
of the the
is made of go gold.
PERSPIR PERSPIRING ING(FE (FEET) ET).. Sig Signn of health health.. PHA PH AETON. Inventor
of the carriag iage named after him.
PHEA PH EASA SANT NT.V .Ver eryy swan swankk at a din dinne ner. r. PHILIP PHIL IPPE PE-E -EGA GALI LITÉ TÉ..Thun Thunde derr agai agains nst. t. Anot Anothe herr of thos thosee caus causes es of the Rev Revolution. He com committed all the crimes of that dismal period. PHIL PH ILOS OSOP OPHY HY.Al .Alwa ways ys snic snicke kerr at it it.. PHLEGM PHLE GMAT ATIIC.Go C.Good od form form.. Mak Makes you lo look ok Engl Englis ish. h. Goes Goes wi with th "im impperturbable" .
_. . . . _ . -
PHOEN OENIX. Fine name for a Fire Insurance Company . . • . • . . • • . . . . . . . • • . . . • . . . • . . . • • • . . . . . . • . . . • • . . . • . . . • . .~ .• . . . . . ..•• ..••.. .••.. .....•...• ...• ...••..••...••...•...•...•
~ .~ ._ .- ~.~._ ~ .~._ ~._~ .-
1
•...... ....•
"Coup dejarnnc;" dejarnnc;" a back Fr: Fr: "Coup back-ha -hande nded d du duell elling ing strok strokee typify typifying ing the unexpec unexpected ted..
71
PHOTOGRAPHY. Will Will make make painti painting ng obsole obsolete. te. (See (See DAGUER DAGUERREO REO-TYPE.) PHYS PH YSIC ICAL ALTR TRAI AINI NING NG..Cann Cannot ot be ov over erdo done ne.. Exha Exhaus usti ting ng for for children. PIAN PIANO.Indi O.Indisp spen ensa sabl blee in a draw drawin ingg room room.. PIDG PIDGIN IN.Al .Alwa ways ys ta talk lk pidg pidgin in to make make yo your urse self lf un unde ders rsto tood od by a foreig foreigner ner,, regard regardles lesss of nation nationali ality. ty. Use also also for telegr telegrams ams.. PIG. PIG. Its Its ins insid ides es bein beingg "ide "ident ntic ical al wi with th th thos osee of man" man" shou should ld be used to teach anatomy. PIGEON PIGEON..Eat Eat it only wit withh peas. peas. PIKESTAFFS. At sigh ghtt of a ddaark clou oudd, do not fai fail to say: "It's goin go ingg to rain rain pi pike kest staf affs fs." ." In Sw Swit itze zerl rlan andd ever everyy man man carr carrie iess a pikestaff PILLOW PILLOW..Never Never use a pil pillow low:: it will will make make you int intoo a hunch hunch back back.. PIM PIMPLES PLES..On the face face or any nyw where here el elsse, a sign sign of hea healt lthh and and "strong blood." Do not try to get rid rid of th them. PIPE PIPE.. Not Not prop proper er exce except pt at th thee seas seasid ide. e. PITY PITY.. Al Alwa ways ys avoi avoidd feel feelin ingg it. it. PLANETS.All All di disc scov over ered ed by M. Leve Leverr rrie ier. r.!! PLAN PLANT. T.Al Alwa ways ys cure curess th thos osee part partss of the bo body dy th that at it resemb resemble les. s. PLOT PLOT.. The The hear heartt of any play. play. POACHERS.All ex-convicts. Com omm mit ail the crimes in the neighborhood. Must arouse in you a fe fenzy of fur fury: "No quar qu arte ter, r, my dear dear sir, sir, no qu quar arte terr !" POCK-MARKED. Pock Po ck-m -mar arke kedd wome womenn are are ail ail la lasc sciv ivio ious us..
- .~ .~ .- .
-.-.-.- .-.-.-.-.- -.-.- .-.-.-.- .-.-
French French astronom astronomer er (IBII-IB77) of an addit addition ional al plane planet, t, Neptu Neptune. ne. 1
..
. - • . . • . . • . . • .• . . • . -. •- . - .- .- .- .. • - . - . - . - . - . - • . . • . .-• .
who who inferre inferred d from his calcu calculat lation ionss the existen existence ce
72
POET PO ET.. Po Pomp mpoous
syno synonnym
for for foo ool, l, drea dream mer. er.
POET PO ETRY RY.. Enti Entire rely ly usel useles ess; s; ou outt of date date.. POLI PO LICE CE.. Al Alwa ways ys in the the wron wrong. g. POLICEMAN. Bulwark of soc society. Don't say "the police" "guardians oflaw and or order" or "the constabulary."!
bu t
POLITICAL POLITICALECONOM ECONOMY. Y. Dismal science. science. POLISH POLISH PLAIT. PLAIT.2 If yo you cut the the hair it bleeds. PONSARD. The only poet who had good sense.ê POOR PO OR (THE THE). To car care for th them em mak makes all all oth other er vi virrtu tues es need needle less ss.. POPI PO PILI LIUS US.. Inve Invent ntor or
of a ki kind nd of cir circl cle. e.ss
PORK-BUTCHER. Stories of patés made pork-butchers have pre pretty wives.
of human
flesh. All
PORTFOLIO.Ca .Carry one under your arm: makes you look like a member of th the Cabinet. PORT-ROYAL.5 Very Very swan swankk to topi picc of conv conver ersa sati tioon. POST PO ST.. Al Alwa ways ys appl applyy for for on one. e."" POULT ULTICE. Alway ways apply one whil whilee waitin ting
for the docto torr.
.............................•......•..•.•... Two Two entries: entries: "Gendarme" and "Gendarmerie." 2 An un unhyg hygien ienic ic condit condition ion of the scalp, scalp, once though thoughtt to be a dise disease ase,, and and forme formerly rly endemic endemic in Eastern Eastern Europe. Europe. (1814-1867) trie tried d to combi combine ne in dram dramat atic ic po poet etry ry the the virt virtue uess of 3 François Ponsard the Clas Classic sic and Rom Romant antic ic schoo schools, ls, produ producin cing g rather rather frigid frigid pieces pieces whic which h enjoye enjoyed d great great vogu vo guee and and earn earned ed him him the the title title of "Poet "Poet of comm common on sens sense. e."" • Popil Popilius ius Laena Laenass was was a Rom Roman an consul consul sent on a miss mission ion to a Syria Syrian n king king who who used used dela delayi ying ng tact tactic ics. s. Pop Popil iliu iuss brou brough ghtt him him to term termss by draw drawin ing g a circl circlee on the the grou ground nd and refusin refusing g to step outsid outsidee his diag diagram ram until until he got an answe answer. r. • Famo Famous us abbe abbey y of Bern Bernar ardi dine ne nu nuns ns foun founde ded d in 1204 and and situ situat ated ed some some twen twenty ty mile miless from from Pari Paris. s. It was the the site site of mirac iracle less and and cont contro rove vers rsie ies, s, and and fina finall lly y beca became me asso associ ciat ated ed wit with h Jans Jansen enis istt theo theolo logy gy,, logi logic, c, gram gramm mar and and the the work ork of Pasca Pascal. l. In the ninete nineteent enth h centur century, y, Saint Sainte-B e-Beuv euvee gave gave it addi tiona tionall renow renown n by his pains painstak taking ing study study of its history. • Allusio llusion n to the fact that that in France France power power and presti prestige ge go with officia officiall posi positio tion. n. 1
73
PRACTICAL JOKES. JOKES.Always Always play play practic practical al jokes jokes when when going going on a picn pi cnic ic wi with th la ladi dies es.. PRACTICE.Super Superio iorr to theory theory.. PRAD PRADON ON..Neve Neverr forgi forgive ve hi him m for for having having been been Racine Racine's 's riva rival.l. PRAG PRAGMA MATI TIC CSA SANC NCTI TION ON.N . obod odyy kno now ws what it is. PREC RECINCT INCTS. S.Very V ery swank wank in form formal al spee peeches ches:: "Wit "Withi hinn th thes esee prec precin inct cts, s, gent gentle leme menn ... ... " PREOCCUPATION. Is act ctiv ivee and and frui fruitf tful ul in prop propor orti tion on to on one' e'ss immobi billity, which in turn is caused by the depth of one one's absorption. PREPSCHOOL. Swan Sw anke kerr th than an "b "boa oard rdin ingg scho school ol." ." PRET PRETTY TY..Used Used for for what whatev ever er is beau beauti tifu ful. l. "It' "It'ss mi migh ghty ty pret pretty ty"" is the acme of admiration. PRIAPISM.A cult cult of anci ancien entt time times. s. PRIESTL PRIE STLY YCALLIN CALLING. G."Art " Art,, medi medici cine ne,, et etcc. are are so m man anyy prie priest stly ly callings. " PRIESTS.Shou Should ld be castr castrat ated ed.. Sl Slee eepp wi with th th thei eirr housek housekee eepe pers rs and and give them chi hilldren whom they fob off as as thei heir nephews. "Nev "Never er mi mind nd ! Ther Theree are are hones honestt ones ones too. too."" PRINCIPLES.Al Alw ways ays "ete "etern rnal al." ." Nobo Nobody dy can can tell tell th thei eirr natur naturee or numbe number; r; no matter matter,, th they ey are are sacr sacred ed all all th thee same same.. PRINT. One must believe whatever is iinn pri print. To see oonne's name name in pri print nt !-some peopl plee commi mitt a crime for no other reason. PRINT RINTIN ING. G.Ma Marv rvel ello lous us in inve vent ntio ion. n. Has Has do done ne mo more re harm harm th than an good. PROBLEM."Nee "Needd on only ly be stat stated ed to be sol solve ved. d."" PROFESSOR. Alwa Al ways ys "the "the le lear arne ned." d." 74
PROGRESS. Alwa Al ways ys "h "hea eadl dlong ong"" and and "ill "ill-a -advi dvise sed. d."" PROPELLER. Comm Comman ands ds th thee futu future re of mach machin iner ery. y. PROPERTY.One of the foundations of society. More sacred than than religi religion. on. PROSE. PROSE.Easier Easier to write write than than verse. verse. PROSPECTS.Fi Find nd them them beau beauti tifu full in nnat atur ure, e, dark dark in po poli liti tics cs.! .! PROSTITUTE. A nece necess ssar aryy evil evil.. A prot protec ecti tion on for for ou ourr daug daught hter erss and and sist sister ers, s, as as lo long ng as we have have bach bachel elor ors. s. Sh Shou ould ld be harri harried ed with wi thou outt pi pity ty.. It's It's imp impos ossi sibl blee to go out wi with th on one' e'ss wi wife fe owin owingg to the presence of these women on the boulevards. Are alwa al ways ys poor poor gi girl rlss seduce seducedd by wealth wealthyy bourg bourgeoi eois. s. PROVIDENCE. "Whe "Where re shou should ld we be be wi with thou outt it it?" ?" PRUNES.Keep Keep the bowels loose. PUDDING(BLACK).A sign of revelr revelryy in the house, house, ind indis ispen pensa sabl blee on Chris Christm tmas as eve. eve. PUN PU NCH. CH. Su Suit itab able le for for a sta stagg di dinn nner er.. Caus Causee of mad mad gaie gaiety ty.. Pu Putt outt the ligh ou lightt when hen set etti ting ng it afla aflame me:: it wi will ll make make fant fantas asti ticc shadows. PYRAMID.Useless Useless edifice.
...•.•...........•.........•...........•.•... 1
Fr: Horizons.
75
R RABB RABBIT ITPI PIE.Alwa E.Always ys made made of cat. cat. RACI RACINE NE.. Naug Naught htyy bo boyy ! 1 RADI RADICA CALI LISM SM..All A ll th thee mo more re dang dangeerous rous th thaat it is lat laten ent. t. The Repu Republ blic ic is hu hurt rtli ling ng forw forwar ardd in into to radi radica cali lism sm.. RAFf RAFf.. Al Alwa ways ys "o "off th thee Medu Medusa sa." ."zz R.An R.An.W .WAY AYS. S.If If Napo Napole leon on had had had had th them em,, he woul wouldd have have been been invi in vinc ncib ible le.. Talk Talk abou aboutt th them em ecst ecstat atic ical ally ly,, sayi saying ng:: "I, "I, my dear dear sir, who who am speaking to you now-this morning I was at X; I had had ta takken the X tra train in,, I tra trans nsac actted my bu busi sine ness ss the there re,, and and by X o'c o'clo locck I was was back back here here." ." RAIL RAILW WAY STAT STATIO IONS NS..Gape G ape wi witth adm admira irati tioon; cit itee th theem as archit architect ectura urall wonder wonders. s. REDHEADS.See BLONDES,BRUNETTES BRUNETTES and and NEGRESSES. REGARDS. REGARDS.Always Always the best. RELATIVES.Always a nuisance. Keep the poor ones out of sight. RELI RELIGI GION. ON.Pa Part rt of the foun founda dati tion onss of socie society ty.. Is nece necessa ssary ry for for the common people. Yet we mustn't overdo it. "The religion of our fathers ... ": this mus must be uttered with unction. REPRESENTATIVE OFTHE OFTHEPEOP PEOPLE LE..To To be el elec ecte tedd-th thee heig height ht of .....•.......................•...........•... 1
Z
Allu Allusi sion on to Racin Racine' e'ss love love affa affair irss in in the the earl earlyy part part of his his li life fe.. Famou Famouss pain painti ting ng by Géri Gérica caul ultt (181 (1819) 9) base basedd on a cont contem empo pora rary ry stor storyy of ship shipwr wrec eck. k.
glory. Thunder against the Chamber of Deputies. "Too many many talke talkers rs th there ere,, th they ey neve neverr do anyth anythin ing. g."" REpUBLICANS."The "The repu republ blic ican anss are are not not all scou scound ndre rels ls,, bu butt al alll scoundrels scoundrels are republicans. republicans."" RESTAURANT.You You shou should ld orde orderr th thee di disshes hes not not usua usuall llyy serv served ed at ho hom me. when uncerta taiin, loo ookk at what hat others aroun undd you are eating. REUNION."A good time was had by alL Most of us will never forg forget et it it." ." It neve neverr brea breaks ks up wit witho hout ut pl plan anss bein beingg la laid id for for th thee onee next on next year year.. The The life life of of the the party party must must no nott fail fail to say: say: "Ali, "Ali, all all are are gone, gone, the ol oldd famil familia iarr face faces. s."" RHYM RHYME. E.Ne Neve verr in accor accordd wit withh Reas Reason. on. RIDING (HORSEBACK). (HORSEBACK). Exce Excell llen entt exer exerci cise se for redu reduci cing ng.. E.g. E.g. al alll caval valry off offic iceers are th thiin. Excelle lennt exerc xerciise for gaining weig weight ht.. E.g. E.g. all cava cavalr lryy offi office cers rs are potpot-be bell llie ied. d. "Whe "Whenn he gets gets on a ho hors rsee he's he's a regu regula larr cent centaur aur." ." RING. Worn on the index fmger, is distingué. Worn on the thum th umb, b, is to tooo Orie Orient ntal al.. Ring Ringss wi will ll make make yo your ur fmge fmgers rs mi missshapen. RONSARD RONSARD..Absurd, Absurd, wit withh his Greek Greek and Latin words. words. ROUS ROUSSE SEAU AU..Beli Belieeve th that at Jean Jean-J -Jac acqu ques es Rous Rousse seau au and and JeaneanBapt Baptis iste te Rous Rousse seau au-- were were brot brothe hers rs,, li like ke the tw twoo Corn Cornei eill lles es.. RUINS RUINS.. Induc Inducee reve reverie rie;; make make a lands landsca cape pe poeti poetic. c.
_
......................... ............•...
Jean-Ba Jean-Bapiste piste Rousse Rousseau au (1671-1741) was was an epigr epigram amma mati tist st and and woul wouldd-be be lyri lyricc poet poet and no connec connectio tion n of his namesak namesakee Jean-J Jean-Jacq acques ues.. 1
77
s SACR SA CRIL ILEG EGE. E.It I t is sacr sacril ileg egee to cut cut do down wn a tre tree. e. SAFE SA FES. S.Th Thee com combina binattion ion
is real really ly very ery easy easy to to outw outwit it..
ST. ST. BART BARTHO HOLO LOME MEW. W.Ol Oldd wi wive ves' s' tale tale.. SAIN SA INT TE-BEU -BEUVE VE.. Ate no noth thin ingg
butt delic bu elicat ates esssen on Good Good Pri Priday day.!
ST. ST. HEL HELEN ENA. A. Isla Island nd famo famous us for for its its rock rock.. SALON.To SALO N.To wri write up the the Sa Sallon is a goo oodd beg beginni inning ng it allows a ma man to cut a figure. SALT SA LT CELL CELLAR AR..Upse Upsett ttin ingg
in lite iteratu rature re;;
it bring bringss bad bad luck luck..
SAPPI SA PPIll llCS CSAN AND D ALCA ALCAIC ICS. S.22 So Soun unds ds go good od in a crit critic ical al arti articl cle. e. SAT SA TRAP AP.. Rich man of loo loose se morals rals.. SATURN SATURNALI ALIA. A.Fes Festiv tivals als of the Direct Directoir oiree SAVI SA VING NGSSBANK BANKS.On S.Only ly enco encour urag agee
period.ê
serv servan ants ts to stea steal. l.
SCAF SCAFFO FOLD LD..When W hen upo ponn it, man manag agee to say say a few few eloq eloque uennt word ords befo before re dy dyin ing. g. SCARF.Poetic. SCEN SCENER ERY( Y(ST STAG AGE) E).Is .Isn' n'tt real real pain ainting ting..
The only nly skil skilll requ requir ired ed is
......•...........•.........•...........•.... Though Sainte-B Though Sainte-Beuve euve was reconciled reconciled to the Em Empire pire and well-trea well-treated ted by authority authority,, he was was thoug thought ht to be a mali malici ciou ouss free freeth thin inke ker. r. A dinn dinner er give given n by him on loth loth April pril 1868 18 68 (Goo (Good d Frida Friday) y) gave gave rise rise to rumou rumours rs that that "an orgy" orgy" had take taken n place. place. Th Thee gu guest estss includ included ed Flaub Flaubert ert,, Taine Taine,, and Renan. Renan. 2 Fr: "Saphiqu "Saphiquee et Adoniqu Adonique:' e:' • See no note te un unde derr DIRECTOIRE. 1
to splash pai paint on the cloth and smear it with a br broomdist di stan ance ce and and light lightin ingg do th thee rest rest.. SCHOOLS.Poly P olyte tech chni niqu quee: every very mo moth theer's r's drea dream m for for her boy boy Pani nicc of th thee bo bour urge geoi oiss du duri ring ng in insu surr rrec ecti tion onss (old-fashioneâJ. Pa when hen he hear hearss th that at Po Poly lyte tecchn hniq iquue sid idees wit withh th thee work workeers (old-fashioneâJ. Just say: "At the School" and people will thin th inkk yo youu're 're a grad gradua uate te.. At St St.. Cyr: Cyr: yo youn ungg aris aristo tocr craats. ts. At thee Sc th Scho hoool of Medi Mediccin ine: e: al alll subv subveersiv rsivees. At th thee Sc Schhoo ooll of Law: Law: yo youn ungg men men of go good od fami family ly.. SCHOOLTEACHERS (WOM (WOMEN EN). ).Ar Aree al alwa ways ys from from fami famili lies es in rereduce du cedd ci circ rcum umst stan ance ces. s. As gove govern rnes esse sess in th thee ho home me,, dang danger er-ous: ou s: corru corrupt pt th thee husba husband nd.. SCIENCE."A little little scie scienc ncee tak takes es you yourr reli religi gion on from from yo you; u; a grea greatt deal brings you back to it. SCUDÉRY.Sn Snic icke ker, r, witho without ut kn know owin ingg whet whethe herr th thee nam namee is th that at of a man or a wornan.! SEA.Bo SEA.Bott ttom omle less ss.. Sy Symb mbol ol of inf infin init ity. y. Indu Induce cess deep deep th thou ough ghts ts.. At th thee sho hore re on onee sho houl uldd al alw ways ays have have a good good gl glas asss. Whi While le contemplating the sea, always exclaim: "Water, water everywhere. " SEALED.Always Always preced preceded ed by "herme "hermetic ticall ally." y." 2 u mu SEASHELLS. You Yo must st brin bringg some some back back from from th thee seasho seashore re.. SEASICKNESS. To avo avoid it it,, all yo youu hav have to do is th thin inkk of some some-thing thi ng else. else. ..........................
..•........
.
It is is in fact the the name name of a man and of his his sister, sister, both both write writers. rs. George Georgess de Scudéry Scudéry (1601-1667) was was a prol prolifi ificc playw playwrig right ht in verse verse whom whom Boile Boileau au ridicu ridiculed led for his bom bom-bast. Scudéry's Scudéry's sister sister Madeleine Madeleine (1607-1701) was one of the précieuses. She produced the the chie chieff ten-v ten-vol olum umee no nove vels ls of the period period and and was was stil stilll writ writin ing g vers verses es at the age age of ninety-two. Scudéry's wife wife is also also known known for her letters, letters, which which have have been been publis published hed,, but she was not a professional writer. 2 Fr: "Galets;" mediu edium m-siz -sized ed roun rounde ded d ston stones es foun found d mostl ostly y on the the Chann hannel el beaches. 1
79
SECR SECRET ETFU FUND NDS. S.In Inca calc lcul ulab able le men. men. Wax Wax indi indign gnan ant. t. SELFISHNESS.Complain
sums sums with with whic whichh the the mini minist ster erss bu buyy
of other people's;
overlook
your own.
SELF-SEEKING.In .In the provinces, anyone who gets himself talk talked ed abou about. t. "I tel telll you you,, I have ave no secr secret et amb ambitio itions ns"" sign signif ifiies fond of eas ease or without ability. SEN SENECA ECA.Wrot .Wrotee on a go gold lden en desk esk. SERIAL SERIALSS(NEWSP (NEWSPAPE APER). R).The The cause cause of our Argue about the way the plot will author suggesting ideas. Vent your cha charact racter erss bear bearss you ourr name. ame. SEVILLE. Famous for its barber. "See NAPLES.)
presen presentt demora demoraliz lizati ation. on. come out. Write to th t he fury when one of th t he Seville and die." (See
SHEE SH EEP' P'SS GUT. GUT. Used sed only nly to make ake toy toy bal balloon loons. s.!! SHELLS(ARTILLERY).Desi esign gned ed SHEPH SHEP HERD ERDS.All S.All sorc sorcer erer erss. the Virg Virgiin Mary. ry.
to mak makee cloc clockks and ink inkwel wells. ls.
Thei heir spec specia iallity ity
is con convers versin ingg
with ith
SHIP SH IPS. S. Al Alll the the goo oodd ones nes are are bu buil iltt at Bay Bayon onne ne.ê .ê SHOE SH OEMA MAKE KER. R.Let L et the the shoe shoema make kerr
stic stickk to his his last last." ."
SHOE POLISH. Only good when made at ho home. SHOES (WOODEN). All All self-made wearing wooden shoes.
men first arrived
ill
Paris
SHO SH OTGUN TGUN.. Alw lway ayss keep eep one in you yourr cou country ntry place lace.. SIGH SIGH.. Must ust be exh exhaled aled near ear a woman. an. SINGERS.Swallow a raw egg every morning ....•...........•.•......•..•••
to clear the voice . ........•••...
,
Possi Possibly bly an allusi allusion on to the advent advent of rubb rubber er in the manu manufac factur turee of contr contrace acepti ptive ves. s. 2 Seapo Seaport rt at the southe southernm rnmost ost end end of the Bay Bay of Bisca Biscay. y. • Flau Flaube bert rt give givess on only ly the the Latin Latin:: "Ne sutor sutor ultra ultra crepida crepidam:" m:" 1
80
Teno Tenors rs alwa always ys have have a "g "gold olden en,, bewi bewitc tchin hingg vo voic ice" e";; barit baritone oness a " warm, we 11-p laceed vVoOi Ice"b;" asses a power fiul organ. " SING SINGLE LESTIC STICK. K.More More to be fea feare redd th than an any any swor sword. d. SITE. SITE.Plac Placee for writing writing verses verses.. SKIFF. IFF.Any small mall boa boat with a woman in it. it. "Co "Come int ntoo my li litt ttle le skif skifff ... ... " SKIN(BLOTCHY).Sign of health. health. (See (See PIMPLES PIMPLES.) .) SLEEP.Thick Thicken enss th thee bl bloo ood. d. SNAKES.All "venomous." SNEEZE.After After sayin sayingg "God "God bl bles esss you! you! star startt discu discuss ssin ingg th thee origin origin of thi thiss custom custom.. "Sn "Sneez eezed" ed":: It is clever clever raille raillery ry to say: say: "Russi "Russian an and and Polish Polish are are not not spok spoken en,, th they ey are are sneez sneezed ed." ." SOCIETY.Its enem enemie ies. s. What What dest destro roys ys it. SOIL SO IL(T (THE HE). ).Gr Grow ow tear tearfu full about about it. SOLICITOR. More More comp compli lime ment ntar aryy th than an la lawy wyer er.. No long longer er to be trusted.!
SOLID. SOLID.Always Always followe followedd by "as a rock." rock." SOMBREUIL (MLLE (MLLEDE DE). ). Reca Recall ll the glass glass of of blood.ê SOMNAMBULIST. Walk Walkss at ni nigh ghtt on gabl gabled ed roof roofs. s. SON-IN-LAW."My "My son, son, it's it's al alll Of£" Of£"33 .............•.•................ ........ Two Two entries entries:: 'Tabellion" and "Notaire", Their heir func functio tion n do does es not exact exactly ly corre corresspond pond to mat of a solicit solicitor, or, but the connot connotatio ations ns are compara comparable, ble, as those those of "Trus "Trustee" tee" woul would d no nott be. be. 2 Allus llusio ion n to a part partly ly apoc apocry ryph phal al tale tale of the Revol evolut utio ion. n. Som ombr breu euil il,, me aged aged Gove Governo rnorr of the the Inva Invali lides des,, was was arres arrested ted just just befo before re the the Sept Septem embe berr massac assacres res but but his his life life was was save saved d by his his daugh daughter ter's 's pleas pleas.. Accord ccordin ing g to me tale, tale, she she had to drin drink k a glas glasss of blood to win his reprieve. Possibly ly an allusi allusion on to the fact that that the accepte accepted d suitor suitor is imme immedia diately tely called called "my S Possib son" (gendre), though though the hagg hagglin ling g over over the marriag marriagee settlem settlement ent may may lead to break breaking ing off me arrangement. 1
81
SO UTHE SOUT HERN RNCOOK COOKIN ING. G.Al Alwa ways ys full full of garli garlic. c. Thun Thunde derr agai agains nst.t. SOUTHERNERS. All poets. SPELLING.Beli Believ evee it as abso absolu lute te as mathe mathema mati tics cs.. Usel Useles esss if you you have style. SPIN SP INAC ACH. H.Acts A cts on yo your ur stom stomac achh li like ke a bro broom om.. Neve Neverr forg forget et to repe repeat at.. M. Prud Prudho homm mme' e's! s! famo famous us rema remark rk:: "I do don' n'tt li like ke it and am gla ladd of it, because if 1 liked ked it 1 wou would eat itand 1 can't stand it." (So Som me people will find this sensible enou enough gh and and won won't't la laug ugh. h.)) SPLEEN.Forme Formerly rly,, runne runners rs had had it remo remove ved. d.êê SPURS. SPURS.Look Look well well on boots. boots. SPY. Alway SPY. Alwayss in high high soci societ ety. y. (See (See CROO CROOK. K.)) SQUA SQ UARI RING NGTHE THE CIRC CIRCLE. LE.Nobo N obody dy kn know owss what what th this is is, is, bu butt shru shrugg your yo ur shou should lder erss at any any menti mention on of it it.. STACK(ARMS).The The hard hardes estt du duty ty of the the Nati Nation onal al Guar Guard. d. STAG STAGDINNER DINNER..Calls Calls for oysters oysters,, white white wine wine and racy racy stories stories.. STAGECOACH.Yearn Yearn for the stage-coach stage-coach days. STAR STAR..Every Everyon onee
follo follows ws his own, own, lik likee Napol Napoleo eon. n.
STAR STARK. K.What Whatev ever er is anti antiqu quee is star stark, k, and and what whatev ever er is star starkk is anti antiqu quee. Bear Bear th this is fir firml mlyy in mind mind when when bu buyi ying ng anti antiqu ques es.. STALLION.Always "fiery." A woman is no not to know the ..•....................... ................ Wellell-kn know own n hero hero of nove novels ls and play playss by Henri Henri Mo Monn nnie ierr (1805-1877). Joseph Prudho Prudhomm mmee is a kind kind of French French Podsna Podsnap, p, full full of ph phili ilistin stinee feelin feeling g and absurd absurd sentisentiments. ments. (See Introdu Introduction ction.) .) 2 "Dératé" is an estab establis lished hed word which which means means "having "having had the spleen spleen remove removed" d" and which which impli implies es light-he light-heart artedn edness ess,, freedom freedom from care. care. By extensi extension on comes comes the idea that that such such a perso person n can can run run faste fasterr than othe others. rs. Flau Flaube bert rt has has anot anothe herr entry entry un unde derr this this untran un transla slatab table le word; word; "No "No need need to be aware aware that that the remov removal al of the spleen spleen has never never been been attem attempte pted d on man." man." 1
82
difference ence between a stall allion and a horse. A young girl must be told it is a larger type of horse. rse. STEE STEEPL PLE( E(SI SIGH GHT T OF OF,, IN NATIV NATIVE E VILL VILLAG AGE) E).Ma .Make kess the the hear heartt beat beat faster. STIF STIFF. F. Al Alwa ways ys fol followe lowedd by "an "andd un unbbendi ending ng." ." STOCKBROKERS.All thi thieves eves.. STOC STOCK K EXCH EXCHAN ANGE GE.."Bar "Barom omet eter er of pu publ blic ic op opin inio ion. n."" STOICI STOICISM.Not SM.Not feasib feasible. le. STOM STOMAC ACH. H.Al Alll dise diseas ases es come come from from the the stom stomac ach. h. STOOLPIGEONS.All in the pay of the police. STRENGTH. Always (Bismarck).
"Herculean."
"Might
makes
Right"
STROLLERS.All Parisians are. But nine out of ten Parisians are from the provinces. In Par Paris, everybody gorms, nobody works. STRONG. "As a horse, an ox, a Turk, Hercules." should be strong-he's all sinew."
"The fellow
STU STUDENTS.A S.All wea wear red berets and tight trousers, rs, smoke pipes in the st street-and never study. STU STUDS. The keeping of studs-a debate.
fme subject for Pa Parrliament entary
SUFFRA SUF FRAGE GE(UNIVE (UN IVERSA RSAL). L).High H ighes estt reac reachh of po poli liti tica call scie scienc nce. e. SUICI SUICIDE DE.. Proof Proof of cowar cowardi dice. ce. SUMM SU MMER ER.Al .Alwa ways ys "u "unu nusu sual al." ."
(See (See WINT WINTER ER.) .)
SUPPER SUPP ERSS(OF (OF THE THE REGEN EGENC Cy).l y).l A grea greatter flow flow of wit wit even even than than of cham champa pagn gnee . . ...., 1
.......•••..•......•............•..•.
See note note under under
CHAMPAGNE.
SURGEONS. Hard Hard-h -hea eart rted ed.. Refe Referr to them them as bu butc tche hers rs.. SWAL SWALLO LOW WS.Neve N everr call call them them anyt anythhin ingg bu butt "harb harbin inge gers rs of Sprrin Sp ingg." Si Sinnce no nobo body dy kn know owss whe where th theey com come from from,, say say "far-o ff stran d"-poetIc.. SWAN SWAN.Sin .Sings gs ju just st befo before re it di dies es.. Can Can brea breakk a man' man'ss le legg with with its its wing. The Swan of Cambrai was not a bi bird but a ma man name namedd Fé Féne nelo lon. n. The The Sw Swaan of Mant Mantua ua is Vi Virg rgil il.. The Sw Swan an of Pesaro is Rossini. SWOR SWORD. D.Th Thee on only ly no nota tabl blee on onee is th that at of Damo Damocl cles es.. Year Yearnn for for thee time th time when when swor swords ds were were worn worn:: "a fell fellow ow as trus trusty ty as hi hiss blade. . . Som Sometimes, though, the sword was never put to use." se." "The "The Fre French nch want ant to be gove govern rneed by a swor sword. d.""! SYBARITES. Thun Thunde derr agai agains nst.t. Sypm Sy pmLI LIS.Eve S.Every rybo body dy has has it, it, more or less less..
.... 1
Two Two entries: entries: "Epie" and "Sabre."
.
T TALLEYRAND (PRINCE).Thun Thunde derr in indi dign gnan antl tlyy agai agains nst.t. TAST TASTE. E."W "Wha hatt is simp simple le is al alwa ways ys in go good od ta tast ste. e."" Al Alwa ways ys say say thi hiss to a woman man who apol apoloogi gize zess for the inadeq adequuacy acy of her her dress. TEET TEETH.Ar H.Aree spoi spoile ledd by ci cide der, r, to toba bacc cco, o, swee sweets ts,, ic ices es,, drin drinki king ng imm mmed ediiat atel elyy aft after ho hott sou oupp and and slee sleepi ping ng wi witth the mo mouuth open. Eyeteeth: it is ha harmful to pull these out owing to thei heir con connect nectio ionn wi witth th thee eye. eye. "Hav "Haviing te teet ethh pull lled ed is no fun." TEN (COUNCILOF). Nobody knows what it was but it was treme remenndou ous. s. Its deli delibberat eratio ionns were ere carr carrie iedd on by mask masked ed men; men; shudde shudderr at th thee tho though ught.t. TESTIMONIAL.! A safe safegu guar ardd for for pare parent ntss and and rela relati tive ves. s. Al Alwa ways ys favorable. THICKET. THICKET.Always Always "dark and impenetra impenetrable. ble."" THINK (TO). Painful. Things that compel us to think are generally generally neglected neglected.. THIRTEEN.Avo voiid bei einng th thiirtee rteenn at tabl able; it brin rings bad luck. ck. The The stron trongg-mi -minded ded sho should not fai fail to crack crack jo jokkes: es: "Wha "Whatt ...•..•..............................•....... Fr: "Certificat" The Frenc French h term term has has a wide widerr mean meaning ing than than the equiva equivalen lentt here here given, given, since since it includ includes es what what we sho shoul uld d call call diplom diplomas as and licences licences.. Contr Contrari ariwi wise, se, "cer "certi tific ficat ate" e" woul would d fail fail to sugg sugges estt the the reco recom mmenda endatio tion n of an emplo employe yer, r, teac teache her, r, etc. 1
85
is th thee di diff ffer eren ence ce?? I'll I'll eat eat enoug enoughh for for tw twoo are ladies, ask if any is pregnant.
!" Or
again, if there
THRI THRIFT FT.A .Alw lway ayss prec preced eded ed by "h "hon ones est.t."" Lead Leadss to to grea greatt weal wealth th.. Tell Tell th thee stor storyy of Laff Laffit itte te pick pickin ingg up a pin pin in th thee cou court rtya yard rd of the banker banker Perrég Perrégaux aux.! .! THUNDERBOLTS (FROMTHEVATICAN).Laugh Laugh at them. TIGHTS.Sexual TIGHTS.Sexually ly exciting exciting.. TIME TIME (OUR (OUR)). Thu hunnder der agai agains nst. t. Lament ment the fact act th that at it is not not poet po etic ical al.. Call Call it a ttim imee of tran transi siti tion on,, of deca decade denc nce. e. TIPPI TIPPING NG(O (ON N NEW NEW YEAR' YEAR'SSDAY) DAY).. Wax Wax in indi dign gnan antt at th thee prac prac-tice. TOAD TOAD.. Male Male of the the frog frog.. Its Its ven venom om is very very dang danger erou ous. s. Live Livess in in-side a stone. TOBACC TOBACCO. O.The The govern governmen mentt brand brand is not so good good as that that which which is smu smugg gglled in in.. Sn Snuf ufff sui suits stu studi dioous men. men. Caus Causee of al alll the the diseases of the brain and spinal cord. TOLERA TOLERATED TED(HOUSE (HOUSE). ).Not Not one in which which tol tolera erant nt opi opinio nions ns are held. TOLLS. One ought to try getting by without paying. (See CUSTOMS.) TONIC FORTHE FORTHEBLOOD BLOOD..2Is taken taken in secret secret.. Toys Toys.. Sh Shou ould ld al alwa ways ys be scie scient ntif ific ic.. TRAD TRADE. E.Ar Argu guee whic whichh is no nobl bler er,, Trad Tradee or Indus Industr tryy . .............................................. Fr: 'Economi Economie, e, touj toujour ourss préc précéd édéé de "ordr "ordre: e:"" , Th Thee Laffitt Laffittee (1767 (1767-18 -1844) 44) story story is that of the poor poor bo boy y who who picks picks up a pin on his way way out of an an unsucce unsuccessfu ssfull interv interview iew with with an empl employe oyer. r. He is call called ed back, back, hired, hired, and rises rises to becom becomee head head of the firm. firm. Depur epurat ativ ivee is acc accep epte ted d by dict dictio iona narie riess bu butt no nott by comm common on 2 Fr: "Dépuratif." speech speech,, hence hence the mo more re famili familiar ar eqniva eqnivalen lent. t. 1
86
TRANSFER.The only verb known TRAVELLER. TRAVELLER.Always" Always"
to Arm Army men.
dauntless. dauntless.""
TRAV TRAVEL ELLIN LING. G.Sh Shou ould ld be by the the fast fastes estt mean means. s. TROU TROUBA BADO DOUR UR.. Fi Fine ne subj subjec ectt for for orna orname ment ntal al
cloc clock. k.
u Call Call any any auth author orit itar aria iann dec decree ree a uuka kase se:: it anno annoys ys th thee government. UNIVERSITY. The 'varsit 'varsity.' y.' UNLEASH. Appl Applie iess to do dogs gs and and evil evil passi passion ons. s. Latinn expr expres essi sion on whic whichh soun sounds ds well well in the phras phrasee U SU S U M ( A D ). ). Lati Ad Ad usum usum delp delphi hini ni.2. Applies always to a wom woman named Delphine . UKASE.
•.•.••.•......•.•.•........................... Fr: "Alma This is express expression ion,, commo common n with with us, has in French French the touch of "Alma mater. mater."" Th affectation affectation suggested suggested by the equivalen equivalentt here here given. given. • "For "For the the Dauph auphin in's 's use, use,"" i.e. i.e. expur expurga gated ted.. 1
88
v VELVET.
Con onsor sortt on only ly with with the vaccin vaccinate ated. d. On clothes, clothes, means means distinction distinction and wealth. wealth.
VERRES.
Hasn't Hasn't been been forgive forgiven n yet.! yet.!
VACCINE.
VIZIR.
Trembl rembles es at the sight of a piece piece of string string..
Fam Famou ouss for for his his frigh frightf tful ul grin grin or rictus. His learning superficial.
V OLTAIRE.
-
_ . _ . _. . . . . . . . . . . . . . • . . . . . . . •
• .- . -• . . . . . . . . •- _ . _ . _ _ . _ . -• . . . . • . . . . . . . .-• . _ . _. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .-. -
_ . - . -• . . . • • . . . • • . . .
Rom oman an proc procon onsu sull who who plun plunde dere red d Sici Sicily ly and and whom whom Cicer icero o atta attack cked ed in six six orations. 1
w W AGNER.Snicke Snickerr on hearing hearing his name name and jok jokee about about the music music of the future. WALTZ. Wax indignant about. A lascivious, impure dance that th at shou should ld on only ly be danc danced ed by ol oldd ladi ladies es.. WAR. WAR. Thun Thunde derr agai agains nst.t. WATC WATCH. H. Good Good on only ly if made made in Sw Swit itze zerl rlan and. d. In pant pantom omim imes es,, when when a char charac acte terr pu pull llss ou outt hi hiss wat watch ch,, it has has to be an on onio ion: n: this th is neve neverr fail failss to raise raise a la laug ugh. h. "Doe "Doess yo your ur watc watchh keep keep time time 1" "The "The sun sun runs runs by it it." ." WATE WATER. R. The The wate waterr in Pari Pariss gi give vess yo youu coli colic. c. Sa Salt lt wate waterr bu buoy oyss youu up yo up.. Colo Cologn gnee wate waterr smel smells ls go good od.. WATERPROOF.A ve very prac practi ticcal garm garmen ent. t. A very very harm harmfu full on onee because it checks perspiration. WEAL WEALTH TH.. Su Subst bstit itut utee for for every everyth thin ing, g, in incl clud udin ingg repu reputa tati tion on.. WEAT WEATHE HER. R.Et Eter erna nall topi topicc of conve convers rsat atio ion. n. Univ Univer ersa sall caus causee of ailm ai lmen ents ts.. Al Alwa ways ys comp compla lain in of the the weath weather er.. WHATNO WHATNOT. T.Ind Indisp ispens ensabl ablee in the room room of a charmi charming ng woman. woman. WHIT WHITEW EWAS ASH H (ON (ON CHUR CHURCH CHWA WALL LLS) S).. Thun Thunde derr aesthe aesthetic tic anger anger is most most becomi becoming. ng.
agai agains nst. t. Tins Tins
WINDMI WINDMILL. LL.Loo Looks ks well well in a lands landscap cape. e. WINE. To Topic for discussion among men. The best must be 9°
Bord Bordea eaux ux sinc sincee doct doctor orss pres prescr crib ibee it. it. The The wors worsee it taste tastes, s, th thee more mo re un unad adul ulte tera rate tedd it is. is. WINTER WINTER.. Always Always "unusu "unusual. al."" (See (See SUMMER SUMMER.) .)Is Is more more health healthful ful than th an th thee ot othe herr seas season ons. s. WIT. WIT. Al Alwa ways ys prece recede dedd by "sp "sparkl arklin ing. g."" Cheap heap as any anyth thin ing. g. "Good "Good wit witss jum jump." p." WITNESS ESS. Always refuse to be a witness. You never know wher wheree yo you' u'll ll end end up up.. WOMAN OMAN.. Memb Member er of the sex sex. One One of Adam Adam''s ribs ribs.. Don' Don'tt say say "th "the little woman" but "my lady" or still pr preferable "m "myy better better hal£" hal£" WOOD WOODS. S. Indu Induce ce reve reveri rie. e. Well Well adap adapte tedd to th thee comp compos osit itio ionn of verse. In the autumn, when returning from a wa walk, say: "But "But see see th thee fadin fadingg many many-c -col olor ored ed wood woods. s."" WORKMA WORKMAN. N.Always Always honest honest-un -unles lesss he is riotin rioting. g. WORLD' WORLD'SSFAIR. FAIR.Chi Chief ef cause cause of frenzy frenzy in the nin ninete eteent enthh centur century. y. WRITE. Dash ash things off1-the exc excuse for errors of st style or spelling. WRIT WRITTE TEN. N."Wel "Welll writ writte ten" n":: a hall hall-p -por orte ter'r'ss enco encomi mium um,, appl applie iedd to the news newspa pape perr seri serial al he fmds fmds ente entert rtai aini ning ng .
. .. • • . . • • . . • • . . . • . ~.~.~ ~ . ~ . _ . _• . . . .. . ._. . . . . . . . . • . . . •~• • ..~ . - . -• . . . • . . • • . . . .~. . . • . . .-. - . _• . . • • . . . • . . .~ • . . .-. .. -~
..••..••..•• ..••...•...• 1
"Currente coloma." coloma." The The orig origin inal al has: has: "Currente
91
y YAWNING ING.Say .Say: "Excuse me, it it''s not the com omppany; it's t's the stomach." YOUNGGENTLEMAN. Alwa Al ways ys sowi sowing ng wi wild ld oats oats;; he is expe expect cted ed to do so. Ast Aston onis ishm hmen entt when when he doe doesn sn't't.. YOUN YOUNG G LADY LADY.U .Utt tter er th thes esee word wordss wi with th di diff ffid iden ence ce.. Al Alll young young laddies are pale, frai la rail, and always pure. Proh rohibit it,, for for their good go od,, ever everyy ki kind nd of rea readi ding ng,, al alll vis visit itss to mu muse seum ums, s, th thea eate ters rs,, and and espe especi cial ally ly to th thee mo monk nkey ey ho hous usee at the the zoo. zoo. YOUTH. "Wha What a wond ndeerful thing it is!" is!" Always quot otee the Italia iann li linnes, even ven if you you don't know what they hey mea mean; "0 Pri Pri mave mave ra! ra! vita !"
Giov Gi oven entt ù
del del l ' anno anno!!
0Gioventù
! Primaver Primaveraa della della
YVETOT YVETOT.l"S .l"See ee Yvetot Yvetot and die." die." (See NAPLES NAPLESand SEVILL SEVILLE.) E.)
. _
......
. • . • . • . . • . •
_ . • . . . • . . • . • . .
~. . . • . . • . • .
Small Small town town twen twenty ty miles miles from from Rauen auen where where,, in the the fourt fourteen eenth th centur century, y, freem freemen en assum assumed ed the title title of "kin "king" g".. Bérang éranger's er's son song g abou aboutt on onee of these these kings kings popu popular lariz ized ed the the notio no tion n that that the the spot spot was was an earthly earthly parad paradise ise.. 1
92
LITERATURE
5EVE 5EVENT NTIi Ii
PRINT PRINTING ING
Gust Gus t ave av e Flaub Fl aubee r t
THE
D IC T IO N A R Y
O F A C C E P T E D ID E A S Transl Translate ated, d, with with intr introdu oducti ction on
& notes,
b y Jacques Barzun
REVISED,
RESET
EDITION
COMPLETELY
Throu roughout his life life Fl Flaubert made it a game to eavesd sdro rop p for the the clic clich hé, the the plat platit itu ude, de, the the borr borrow oweed and and un unqu ques esti tion oned ed idea idea with ith which ich the the "rig "right ht thin thinki kin ng" swad swaddl dlee thei theirr mind inds. Afte fter his his death eath his litt little le trea treasu sury ry of absu absurd rdit itie ies, s, of hal halff-tr trut uths hs and and so soci cial al lies lies,, was was publ publis ishe hed d as a Dict Dictio ionn nnai aire re des des idée idéess reçu reçues es.. Becau cause its its deva devast stat atin ing g hu hum mor and and iron irony y are are ofte often n depen epende dent nt on the phrasing in vernacular French, the Dictionnaire was was long considered untranslatable. This notion was taken as a chal challe leng ngee by Jacq Jacque uess Barzu arzun. n. Deter eterm mined ined to find find the exac exactt Eng ng-lish lish equ equiv ivaalent lent for for each each "acc "acceepted pted idea idea"" Flau laubert bert reco record rded ed,, he has has succ succee eed ded in do docum cumenti enting ng ou ourr own own inan inanit itie ies. s. With ith a sati satirrist' ist'ss wit wit and and a sch schol olar ar's 's pre precisi cisio on, Barzu arzun n has has prod produc uced ed a ve very contem temporar rary sel self-p f-portr rtrait of the the middle-class philis ilisttine ine, a specie speciess as mu much ch aliv alivee today today as when hen Flau Flaube bert rt raile railed d again against st him. him. Cover: Cover: "The "The
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b y Dr D I CT C T I O NA NA R Y
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