Essay Writing for ECPE and C2 EFL Exams

Essay Writing for ECPE and C2 EFL exams

Fullspate - 2014

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Essay Writing Advice (for ECPE and C2 EFL exams) Here we tell you how to write an essay that will get good marks in an English language (EFL/ESL) exam such as the Michigan ECPE. The advice would be the same for the essays that candidates have to write in other EFL/ESL exams such as the IELTS, TOEFL and Cambridge CPE exams. First, let's have a look at some actual ECPE exam writing tasks so that we can see the different types of essay that we might have to write. 1994 Topic 1: In most families there is one family member who doesn't follow society's rules and often embarrasses the rest of the family by doing or saying something unusual or funny. Describe one of your relatives who is like this. Include several examples of this person's behaviour. Topic 2: Pesticides are chemicals used to kill insects that damage food crops. Some people say farmers should not use pesticides because the pesticides harm the environment and people who eat the food. Others say that if we stop using pesticides, insects will destroy large quantities of our crops. Do you think farmers should stop using pesticides? Explain the reasons for your opinion. 1995 Topic 1: There is a saying, "Curiosity killed the cat," meaning that when a person is overly curious (eager to learn, know, or investigate something or someone) it can lead to trouble. Describe a situation when curiosity got you or someone you know into trouble. Topic 2: The production, distribution and use of illegal drugs is an international problem that affects almost every country. What actions should be taken to reduce the production, distribution or use of illegal drugs around the world? Discuss. 1996 Topic 1: Everyone has different opinions about what makes someone a good parent. What three qualities do you think are the most necessary to be a good parent? Why are these qualities important? Discuss, giving examples. Topic 2: Unemployment is a problem facing many countries today. Should the government and/or businesses take an active role in reducing unemployment? Discuss, providing reasons. 2002

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Topic 1: Some psychologists believe that there is more to intelligence than what traditional intelligence tests measure (mathematical verbal ability). They say there are many kinds of intelligence and many ways to be smart. Besides mathematical and linguistic intelligence, in what other ways do you think people are smart? Be specific in your discussion and provide concrete examples. Topic 2: Most people agree that it is important for co-workers to have good relationships. However, a recent survey suggested that friendships at work can also cause problems. In what ways can friendships at work be harmful. Discuss, giving specific examples. 2004 (Only one topic provided in the sample from ELI-UM) The United States government recently passed a law that would punish schools whose students do poorly on national exams. Some people think that schools should not take all the blame. In your opinion, what factors influence students' performance? Discuss, giving specific examples to support your point of view. 2010 Topic 1. Some people believe that body language shows more about people’s true feelings than spoken language. Body language includes people’s facial expressions, hand gestures, and posture. Do you believe we can tell more from body language than from what people say? Be specific and give concrete examples in your response. Topic 2. Every generation of people is different from the previous one. What is one important way in which your generation is different from your parents’ generation? How will this difference affect your country or culture? Give specific details and reasons to support your viewpoint. Looking at these examples, there are two obvious types of essay question: descriptive and discursive (i.e. presenting arguments and opinions). Some students who have experience of creative writing in their own language may find it easy to write the descriptive essay, but in our experience the majority of students feel more comfortable with the discursive essay, partly because it is usually possible to use a formula and a number of set phrases. Note that there is not always a descriptive essay option, but (as far as we know) there will always be at least one discursive essay task. On the rest of this page we will concentrate on the discursive essay.

Planning Plannning can seem like a waste of time, but it isn't, especially when time is short and there is no possibility of redrafting the essay. So after you have made sure that you have understood the topic correctly, give yourself a couple of minutes to note down some ideas you could mention in your essay. If you can quickly think of five or six, pause to decide

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which two or three you want to develop in your essay. Choose ideas that you know you have the vocabulary to discuss. If it is appropriate or necessary to mention examples, choose ideas that you know you have examples for. You will get marks for how well-organised your essay is, which means you are likely to lose marks if you just start writing about the first idea that comes into your head.

Formula for a discursive essay Every discursive essay needs an introduction and a main body. Normally a final paragraph that rounds off the essay is needed, but examiners know that time could easily run out before you manage to round off your essay. Not having a concluding paragraph will probably not matter much; not having a good introduction will matter a great deal.

Introduction Begin by redescribing the phenomenon, the trend or the debate that is the focus of the essay question. In a short ECPE essay this might only need one or two sentences. In the past, it seemed obvious to many that the only reliable test of intelligence was one which assessed a person's ability to reason, especially the ability to see patterns in words, numbers and symbols. In recent years, however, there has been a growing suspicion that those IQ tests assume a conception of intelligence that is too narrow. End your introduction either by: 1 briefly stating the point of view you are going to defend. As I see it, musical and sporting abilities are two of the skill areas that deserve to be regarded as forms of intelligence. 2 stating what you are going to do in the rest of the essay. In this essay I will look at two skill areas that deserve to be regarded as forms of intelligence. 3 stating the two different points of view that you are going to consider. Although the vast majority of farmers look upon pesticides as invaluable, some consumers and pressure groups have spoken out against them. 4 stating the question you are going to answer. This raises the question of whether the benefits of pesticides outweigh their drawbacks.

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If the essay question specifically asks about your opinion, it might be better to briefly state this at the end of the introduction, without giving any details or arguments (but it is not absolutely necessary, especially if you don't have a firm opinion). If you want to look at different points of view before you weigh them up and give your final assessment, it might be better to use techniques three and four above.

Main body This needs two paragraphs, each of which should develop one point. Depending on the essay task, you might need to describe examples (as in the question about intelligence), discuss different points of view, describe causes, make suggestions, and give reasons for your point of view. Below are examples of paragraphs that do each of these things. Describing examples The exceptional bodily control seen in some athletes and dancers could definitely be viewed as a form of intelligence. The ability of a ballerina, for instance, to maintain perfect balance and turn her movements into a work of art can only be developed with years of strenuous training. In a sense, ballet has its own language, and it seems reasonable to compare the skill of using this language with the skill of using the verbal language that has been traditionally tested when measuring a person's IQ. Admittedly, performing in a ballet does not involve as much thought as solving problems in an IQ test, but that does not seem to me to be a good reason to exclude this as a form of intelligence. Another area in which people can show how smart they are is music. ... Discussing different points of view There are those who argue that the government should not interfere much in the economy, even if there are concerns about the level of unemployment. It is said that the rate of unemployment will fall naturally if there is economic growth, and the best way to guarantee economic growth is to allow the market to develop without government interference. Those with this point of view accept that the government has a responsibility, but they insist that it should not go beyond providing a minimal unemployment benefit to those who are temporarily out of work. On the other hand, it is often argued that... Describing causes and making suggestions

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One of the reasons why some children fail at school is poverty. Students will only make good progress if they do their homework well, but a child from a large and poverty-stricken family who does not have a quiet room at home in which to study will not be able to do her homework well. Furthermore, in poor families the parents sometimes have a very low level of education and may even have a negative opinion about the importance of education. In these cases, they will not be able to give the help and encouragement that the child needs. As regards the steps that need to be taken to remedy this situation, the first priority should be to... Giving reasons for your point of view One very powerful argument against pesticides is that they are harmful to humans. Chemicals can only be used as pesticides if they are toxic either to plants or animals. These are poisons, and it is hardly surprising that chemicals that are poisonous to some forms of plant life, for instance, also have detrimental effects on human health. Eating rice that has been sprayed during storage and transport to prevent it being eaten by insects may not make us ill immediately, but by continually eating sprayed fruit and vegetables it is almost certain that we increase our risks of suffering from cancer. Another reason for banning pesticides concerns the effect they have on the environment. ...

Final paragraph Use this paragraph to re-emphasize the main point or points you want to make, or to weigh up the opinions presented earlier in the essay. Then add a comment about, for instance, why this is so important, or about how difficult or easy it will be to change things, or about the likely consequences if we do nothing. In conclusion, for the sake of both the environment and human health drastic reductions in our use of pesticides must be made. Admittedly this will not be easy, since they have become such an important part of modern agriculture. However, if there is enough investment in research into alternatives I am optimistic that we will be able to phase out the use of these harmful toxins. Try to avoid simply repeating what you have already said. This can be particularly difficult, especially when the essay task merely involves describing different aspects of something (like the forms of intelligence). To sum up, it is clear that the ability to do the old-fashioned IQ tests is not the only form of intelligence. Not only are music and movement areas where we can see how smart people

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are, but there are also many others. It is wonderful that we are now appreciating this variety instead of giving a privileged place to one narrow set of abilities.

Formal or informal English? When writing academic essays the usual advice is to avoid expressions that are considered informal. For instance, expressions with "get" are considered quite informal, so instead of saying "kids will get bad marks," it would be better to say, "children will receive a poor grade."One good reason for following this advice is that most of the language you have been learning on your proficiency course is formal, and so by choosing a formal register (as we call it) you give yourself more opportunities to show what you have learnt on the course. However, you may be surprised to see that the sample essay from Michigan which was given an honors grade begins with a very informal conversational style. OK, so your son got a low score in his IQ tests. Don't be discouraged since this does not mean he is not "intelligent". It simply means they may not have tested his main intelligence. More and more reassuring news is coming from new research. These new studies indicate that there is more to intelligence than the traditional mathematical and linguistic intelligence. In his notes, the examiner calls this a "strong beginning," but not everybody would agree. (By the way, the rest of that essay didn't use a conversational style.) Our advice is to use more formal and sophisticated language wherever you can because this will give better proof that you have become a proficient user of the kind of academic English that makes up most of the ECPE exam.

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Do make sure you have understood the task correctly. Do ask if you are not sure about the task. Do spend a couple of minutes thinking of ideas, choosing the best ones and the order you will discuss them in. Do try to have a good introduction. This creates the first impression on the examiner, and first impressions are very important. Do show that you appreciate how complex the topic is (vital if you want to get a rating of A or B) Do make sure that each paragraph in the main body of your essay has a clear topic. Do develop your ideas by giving arguments for the opinions you mention, and/or giving examples, or drawing a contrast, or by acknowledging the opposite point of view (if you have not planned to do that in the following paragraph).

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Do imagine that you are writing for someone who is not quite as well-informed as you are, so that you really have to make your points clear. Do try to use a good range of vocabulary. Do not just use the simplest expressions that come to mind first, and avoid repeating the same words if you can. Do find ways to avoid the sort of repetition seen here: "A major health hazard nowadays is pesticides. Pesticides are widely used in modern agriculture." Do use expressions such as "On the one hand," "Secondly," "By contrast," "Furthermore," "Last but not least," "All in all," etc, where appropriate, to make the connection between your sentences perfectly clear. Do vary the length of your sentences. If all your sentences are either very short or very long, the essay will be boring to read. Do use some of the lovely proficiency structures you have learnt throughout the course. Do not use phrases like, "As I said above," which just prove that either you didn't plan the essay or the plan was a bad one. Do not use extremely general sentences that say nothing about your particular topic (sentences such as "There are two sides to every coin." "Everything has its drawbacks." "Nothing is perfect." etc). Do try to write sufficiently neatly so that your essay is easy to read. As long as you manage this, it does not matter if certain words and phrases are crossed out. Do keep one eye on the clock and leave yourself a minute or so to check your work. We all make mistakes, and if you can correct some of yours, you will save valuable marks.

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Useful Phrases for Proficiency Essays Introducing the phenomenon to be discussed More and more families are choosing to have only one child. The trend nowadays is towards having smaller families. Over the past ten years or so the media have frequently carried reports of ............... Recent research indicates that the number of teenagers who smoke is increasing. Hardly a week goes by without another report of ................. appearing in the media. This raises the issue of whether ................. Although most people would generally agree that ............... few would deny that ................

Stating your opinion As I see it, It seems to me that ............ I would also say that .... I am convinced that ............... I am inclined to believe that .................. There is no doubt in my mind that .................. One of the drawbacks of ....... is .......... However, one of the benefits is that ............

Changing topic As regards the causes for this, .............. Concerning the causes for this, ......... As for the causes, ...........

Presenting arguments

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One justification often given for ........... is that................. Advocates/Proponents would claim that .................. Those who object to ................. often argue that ................... Another objection is that ...... However, it should not be forgotten that .............. ........... are opposed to ................ on the grounds that ................. From the point of view of ................. According to ....................

Describing causes One factor which has led to ............ is .............. One of the factors which has brought this about is ......... The problem often stems from .................... The situation has been exacerbated by ................ .............. has only made the situation worse. One consequence of ................ is ................

Proposing steps and measures As regards the most appropriate response to this situation, one suggestion would be to ......... The first step to be taken would be to ........ To alleviate the situation people should ........... In addition they ought to ............... To begin to tackle this situation society/individuals/the government need/s to .......... .............. would certainly ameliorate the situation. This can only be dealt with if ............

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To overcome this problem, .............. Were the government to ..............., the situation would doubtless improve. Individuals can do a great deal to ............ The burden of responsiblity lies in the hands of ........ It is vitally important that ......... Legislation should be introduced to control ................. It would be a grave error if we .................

Concluding All in all it seems to me that ........... The obvious conclusion to be drawn is that ....................... All things considered, ............. On balance, I tend to believe that ............ The world would surely be a better place to live in if .............. If people stopped ....ing, we would have/ we could look forward to a ............... The prospects for the future will be bleak/grim unless ...................

Tip You should have a few pages safe somewhere where you can keep a record of other useful essay phrases that you come across in your reading. Note them down and practise using them in your own writing. Look out for more advanced expressions that you can use in place of phrases that weren't even impressive at the B2 level - phrases like "solve the problem". Here are a few alternative problem and solution phrases to get you going.: a crisis in education which must be addressed something that must be tackled / be dealt with a challenge which must be met something must be done to restore law and order in the inner cities

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Useful Advanced Essay Structures To be sure of writing an essay that is good enought to pass a C2 exam like the ECPE you need to use some of those lovely structures you have been learning in the grammar sections of your proficiency courses. Here are some examples of the kinds of structures you should be using in your exams. Use a sprinkling of...

Participle phrases and gerunds up front: Â "Burning plastics produces dioxins." Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â "Reducing the retirement age would create significant difficulties for pension funds." Â Â Â Â Â "Having been bullied at school, I know how psychologically damaging this can be." Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â "Having been released from prison, many people subsequently reoffend."

Conditionals with inversions instead of "If.." Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â "Were the government to ......... , we would .............." Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â "Had television not been invented, economic growth would have been slower." Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â "Had the police implemented the law more strictly, fewer people would now be disabled."

Cleft sentences         "What ecologists object to is ............"         "What many people would like to see is ......................"         "It is the ................. that I object to."

Inversions         "Not only are landfill sites unsightly but they are also a source of pollution"         "Rarely do we see our political leaders riding bikes." 12

Passives         "It is often forgotten that ..................."         "............. is considered to be ............."         "...... has been attributed to ......."       ".......has been linked with ........"         "The conlusion to be drawn is that ............."

The advanced use of 'so' Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â This is so grave an issue that ........

Sample Advanced Essays Here are a few essays chosen from the thousands published on the web. They were originally written by American high school students, but they have been edited to shorten them and improve them slightly. The idea is that they are good enough to stand as models of the kind of academic essay writing that is appropriate for both the Michigan ECPE exam and other proficiency-level EFL,ESL English language exams.

Combating the Cult of Thinness Why would a frightening percentage of American women gladly trade five years off their lives for 10 pounds off their bodies, or prefer to be perceived as thin rather than as kind or intelligent? This obsession with thinness needs to be understood if we are to avoid the consequences, which are often tragic. Beyond this, there are further steps that ought to be taken so that women can have a healthier and more positive sense of themselves. It is no wonder that American women are obsessed with thinness. From a very young age, it is emphasized to women how important it is to be pretty, and to be pretty by society’s standards means being thin. This blatant message is seen everywhere. Not only do images in magazimes, TV commercials and billboard posters put an exaggerated emphasis on women's bodies, they also hold up an ideal of thinness that is almost impossible to attain. Computer-enhanced photography employs techniques such as airbrushing blemishes and slenderizing the bodies of models. This adds to the creation of an ideal model that women strive to mimic.

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American society’s prescription of what it means to be feminine needs a rewrite. Current definitions of femininity are dictated by a social system that gains control over women by defining them primarily in terms of their bodies. In order to see change, women must challenge the industries that feed upon body insecurity. They need to change the messages that women absorb daily. One method would be to stop purchasing the very fashion magazines that have been allowed to define femininity. Large-scale boycotts of these fashion magazines can lead to major change of the feminine ideal. Another method that can be used to alleviate the emphasis placed on the ideal figure is through education. Women need to realize that the images seen in advertisements and on television sitcoms are not the norm. The average American woman is 5’4†, a size 12, and 155 pounds. Women with these proportions hardly ever appear in clothing or cosmetic advertisements. Education is needed to stress the new message that women of all shapes and sizes can be beautiful. Since many American women will go to extraordinary lengths to be thin, the only solution for this growing problem is to attempt to understand why it has become such an obsession. It is clear that media, television, and acquaintances all stress the importance of being thin and beautiful to impressionable young women. If we as a society could only change the emphasis to be on the mind rather than on the body, women would benefit with increased self-esteem, healthier lifestyles, and increased confidence.

Genetic Engineering Genetic engineering has been one of the most controversial ethical issues since 1997, when the world first heard of Dolly, the first successfully cloned sheep. The news sparked a heated debate not only about genetic engineering generally, but also about whether it would be acceptable to apply some of the same techniques to humans. Although there is support for this among geneticists, there are some powerful moral reasons for opposing genetic engineering in humans. There is something very objectionable about the idea of parents choosing the genetic makeup of their offspring. Imagine a couple agreeing to make their child tall, peaking somewhere near five feet eleven if female or six feet three inches if male, because dad wants an NFL quarterback and mom wants a super model. Both mom and dad have decided to add the gene for smartness, to take out the obesity gene, the gene that controls the risk of alcoholism, and the ones that predispose people to lung cancer and heart disease. A couple like this would effectively be searching for their ideal child in a catalog, almost as if they were deciding on a mail order purchase; and what would happen if the child, in spite of its genetic advantages, turned out to be a bit of a flop? There seems to be a threat here to the old idea that the parents' love for their child should be unconditional.

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Another immoral consequence of genetic engineering in humans is extreme social inequality. Because only the rich will be able to afford expensive genetic interventions, two different classes will emerge in society, one with a vast genetic superiority over the other. This will competely undermine the old ideal of our fundamental human equality and the idea that each individual should have a chance of rising to the top of society. In a modern society it would be unacceptable if someone was born into a social class that they could not possibly rise out of. For these and for other reasons it is clear that genetic engineering in humans would be immoral. Although there might be a few cases where a very limited form of genetic engineering might be justifiable on purely medical grounds, it is to be hoped that we will never allow parents to start picking and choosing the genetic make-up of their loved ones.

Nation of Immigrants America is sometimes referred to as a "nation of immigrants" because of our largely opendoor policy toward accepting foreigners pursuing their vision of the American Dream. Recently, there has been a clamor to close that door, arguing that immigrants threaten American life by taking jobs from American workers, by using much-needed social services, and by eroding on the "American way of life." While these arguments may seem valid to many, they are overwhelmingly false, and more than likely confused with the subject of illegal immigration. A common argument among those opposing further immigration is that foreigners take U.S. jobs and cause unemployment among the displaced American workers. That view was highlighted by a recent poll, according to which sixty-two percent of non-blacks and sixtythree percent of blacks agreed that "new immigrants take jobs away from American workers." However, the truth is that immigration does not exacerbate unemployment. Immigrants do take jobs but by raising levels of consumption they help to boost the demand for labor. Another widely held belief among Americans against immigration is that foreigners "strain social service budgets." According to the same poll, sixty-two percent of non-blacks and fifty-nine percent of blacks agreed "immigrants use more than their fair share of government services, such as welfare, medical care, and food stamps." In actuality, most immigrants are young and healthy when they arrive, and therefore do not receive expensive Social Security. What people need to realize is that immigrants contribute more in taxes than they draw out in welfare services. By putting more into the system than they take out, they are, in fact, raising the quality of life of those dependant of the social services. Some of those who want to close our borders insist that this is necessary to preserve our nation from foreign influences. This perception of the foreigner as a threat is a common

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one. However, it needs to be remembered that immigrants bring with them valuable technical knowledge and skills, as well as being fifty percent more likely to have postgraduate qualifications than Americans. Our society is enhanced by their knowledge and education. The issue of immigration must be dealt with rationally, not emotionally. Facts, figures, and statistics must be studied by both sides in order to reach a decision most beneficial to our nation. The labor situation is improved by the new jobs created by immigrants, the social service funds bolstered by their tax payments, and the valuable technical skills and knowledge brought with them. These benefits far outweigh any negative effects and prove the value of immigrants as they pursue the American Dream in our "nation of immigrants".

ECPE benchmark essays from Michigan A new grading scheme for ECPE essays came into force in 2009. Fullspate has taken the official sample essays offered by Michigan and re-edited the PDF document so that the sample essay for each level is immediately accompanied by the corresponding comment from the examiners.

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6.1 BENCHMARK ESSAYS AT EACH POINT ON THE SCALE ELI-UM has prepared benchmark essays at each performance level. These essays were written in response to the following ECPE writing prompt: Some psychologists claim that people inherit most of their personality traits from their parents. Do you think that this is true? Give specific examples from your own experience to support your viewpoint.

The first sample essay appears on the following page, and the comments appear on the page after that.

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APPENDIX A2 Essay 1 Rating: A

Is our genetic material a determing factor for our personality? Although it is an ambiguous issue, we can meet many ordinary people, as well as psychologists, who are in favor of this question. Of course, I do not believe that there is a unique answer to such questions. However, I have a rather different point of view. Here are some remarks.

Studying molecular biology and genetics at the moment, and having the opportunity to come in “contact” with the wonders of nature in person, I am aware that our appearance characteristics are inherited from both our parents. But when it comes to our personality, I believe that our genetic material has nothing to do with it. What we are is not based on our genes by our education experiences and generally on our way of life. I firmly believe that we are not just a mixture of genes, molecules and chemical reactions. On the contrary, we are beings with emotions, feelings and cognition. When I was younger I was always being told that I resembled my father. As a matter of fact, everything I did could be attributed to a proportional trait of my father. “You are persistent, nervous and hard working just like him” you could hear them say. But since then, a lot of things have changed and all I seem to have inherited from him is his eyes and lips! But this I mean that when children are young they ressemble their parents’ characters because they admire them. But growing up, they are affected by so many events and other individuals that their personality may have so little in common with their parents. To sum up, I believe that we are something more than a repository of genetic material and molecules. Our personality is not inherited by “curved” through the experiences we go through. That is why we should not take everything for granted and never stop the efforts for self growth and improvement.

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Essay 1 Rating: A This composition displays an impressive use of vocabulary and rhetoric. The introduction explicitly acknowledges the different points of view possible and the essay demonstrates a more complex perspective (that of nurture vs. nature). The final sentence of the essay is a little clichéd, and is not connected well to the earlier parts of the essay but this is a minor flaw. The writer demonstrates the ability to write a variety of syntactic structures (both simple and complex). Control over the complex structures is very accurate. The writer uses complex conjunctions and this indicates good rhetorical control and a broad vocabulary. There is one relatively simple error—the writer uses “by” instead of “but”—but this is likely to be a fossilized error and it does not prevent this essay from being graded with an “A”. There are no spelling and punctuation errors. In fact, punctuation is used effectively on one occasion to signal humor.

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Essay 2 Rating: B

Nowadays it is a highly controversial issue whether children inherit their personality from their parents or they form it as they grow up. To my way of thinking, children are affected not only by their parents by also media, friends and society. This means that it is, clearly, our responsibility to form our own, unique, personality.

It is an undoubtful fact that parents are very important as far as their children rise is concerned. However, they cannot force their children to follow their own example and be their clones. Of course children take some haracteristics of the personality of their parents but they do not become identical to them. For example, a friend of mine, Sophia has very strict and over-protective parents. This is the way that they grew up. On the contrary, Sophia is very lenient with her children despite the fact that the way and the environment she was raised was awful. That her parents’ personality was terrible helped her to understand that we actually do not inherit our personality from them but we are influenced by other factors. Media and friends are two of the most important factors through which we can form our personality. First of all, television can affect us through films or advertisments that show the-supposed-best personality. Television can contribute to the form of our character but this is not direct It affects us with unconscious messages. Friends are also very important and have a very big role in the form of our character. We want to be identical to them due to the fact that we are inclined to believe that they are perfect and they can lead us throughout our life. This is absolutely wrong, because we forget that each one of us is beautiful in his own special-way and we should not copy others in order to cause interest Taking these points into consideration I would say that although having friends is a great advantage and watching television can be very informative, we should bear in mind that we should not be affected by no one. Our parents are in a great degree--responsible for our personality but this is not always true. I wholeheartedly believe that we have the biggest responsibility as far as our personality is concerned. After all, the world would be boring if we were all the same. 18

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Essay 2 Rating: B This composition starts very well. The introduction gives a clear statement of the writer’s point of view and the writer continues this theme in each paragraph. As a result the text is very coherent. Explicit conjunctions are used but what is more impressive is the use of a more implicit discourse technique of “end focus.” In this technique, “known” information is repeated or referred to at the start of a new sentence to connect what is known to what is new; for example, “We actually do not inherit our personality from them but we are influenced by other factors. Media and friends are two of the most important factors….” The writer attempts both simple and complex syntax. It is important to note, however, that the writer is not able to maintain grammatical accuracy in the more complex sentences. These errors are intermittent but they are sufficient to indicate that the writer does not have a firm grasp over grammar and syntax. Word choices show breadth of vocabulary but these selections are not always appropriate. In some cases the choice results in too strong a claim; for example, the phrase “highly controversial issue” is too strong; people hold different viewpoints but the discussion does not necessarily generate heated debate. Despite the flaws in the essay, the writer’s meaning is usually clear. Spelling and punctuation errors are infrequent and do not impede understanding. This is consistent with a “B” band essay.

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Essay 3 Rating: C

Recently many psychologists are inclined to believe that the peoples personality is most affected by their parents. To what degree is that true? To begin with someone at an early age is a grat replica of his/ her parents and close relatives. The child may act in a similar way as his/her parents. Everything done or said by a parent either good or bad is deemed by the child as a proper example. To that extend the persons’ personality can be influenced and copied too. A child is not capable to distinguish what is wrong or right so he/she might mimic her/his parents personality traits. For example when a boy endures physical abuse by his father he may become as violent as his father in the future. Furthermore, a person’s personality is also affected by his/her friends especially when he/she has low self-esteem. When someone regards him/herself invalid to do anything he/she may become allienated or he/she behave as being one of his friends. For example if we take two girls, one very popular among boys and another who is consider invisible by them the invisible girl may start acting as the other girl which will really seem fake as she is not herself, she will just behave in a way to become acceptable and attractive to boys neglecting her undiscovered assets. To conclude it is my firm belief that not only parents play a major role in personalitys modification but everyone including ourself. It is up to us to what we will become. Apart from that one thing that we should not change is our ideologies, they should remain unbiased. Because then we will be mature and indepented enough to go on with with our lives.

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Essay 3 Rating: C This composition is a “C” band essay. The essay discusses the influence of family upbringing and of society. It is important to note that these both address one side of the essay topic—the influence of external factors (rather than genetics). The essay does not address inheritance (the “nature” argument); even though the writer does discuss the influence of family, upbringing rather than the personality characteristics that we are born with are discussed. The writer makes ambitious vocabulary choices (e.g., “undiscovered assets,” “inclined to believe,” “deemed,” “alienated”). However, these selections are not always appropriate; they do not fit into the context, are not idiomatically correct, or they result in too strong a claim. There are also numerous grammatical errors. Additionally, the writer does not sustain the same register throughout the essay and some informal language is used (“fake”). “C” band essays such as this one show that the writer understands the genre of an argument and attempts a rich explanation of the stated point of view. However, the writer makes numerous errors in grammar and vocabulary. These errors do not prevent the reader from understanding the essay but some effort is required.

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Essay 4 Rating: D

Nowadays that our society has been increasing the range on violence at an earlier age than in the old days. For this reason, it is more likely to set the statement that children do not inherit most of their personality traits from their parents. Children are more likely to be more violent every time. Even though psicologysts say that children inherit most of the personality traits from their parents, we should also consider that children are not only surrounded by their parents, parents might be the first company they have had along the first years, by as the years go by they also begin to form part of a big society. This society is not as we would dream to be, so children also acquire different behaviours from their surroundings. This lead us to think that their personality changes every time they are in contact wit the society. Even though most people think that psicologysts are right, and children inherit the personality of their parents, we must take into account that a family tree is not only conformed by parents. As parents inherit some qualities and some characteristics from the grandparents’ personalities, children as well may inherit some of these characters from other members of their families and not only from the parents. As we can see parents are not the only ones that are responsible for our personalities. We are the ones that develop our personality through the years.

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Essay 4 Rating: D This composition is a “D” band essay. The introduction is abrupt and it is not clear that the writer has understood the essay question. Though the writer does present a point of view, the different perspectives possible are not acknowledged. Additionally, the opening sentence is a broad and sweeping claim (“Nowadays that our society has been increasing the range on violence at an earlier age than in the old days.”) that is unsupported by evidence. It also seems irrelevant to the prompt. This tendency to make sweeping claims unsupported by evidence recurs at other points in the essay. Additionally, the paragraphs do not have a clear theme and the essay seems circular. Grammatically, the essay is relatively sound. There are a number of different errors but few are serious and some complex sentences are attempted. However, the sentences are not always meaningful (e.g., “Children are more likely to be more violent every time”). Also, the writer does not seem able to express ideas concisely and precisely. Consequently, phrases are used where a single word would do (e.g., “as we would dream to be” instead of“perfect”). On other occasions the phrases used are not idiomatically correct (e.g., “as the years go by” instead of “as time passes”). There are a number of spelling and punctuation errors. Overall, the essay can be understood but it requires conscious reader effort.

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Essay 5 Rating: E

Nowadays, as the psychologists claim that people create their character or their personality from the beggining of their lifes. The most responsible persons for having a good personality are the parents. I actually agree with the psychologists, because I believe that a person’s character it’s up to it’s family and specially from it’s parents. As a child is growing up, parents are the persons who can advice and help their child to communicate with others. They also help him or her to how behave good to other people, to the animals and to the environment. In addition, they learn their child when being in childhood to be gently opptimistic, polite, and friendly in their friendship, in their relationship, family and work. All the parents do not behave like this to their children.

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Essay 5 Rating: E This composition is an “E” band essay. The content is minimal, developing (in a vague way) only the influence that parents have on their children through upbringing. There are many indications that the prompt has not been fully understood, including the thesis statement “I actually agree with the psychologists….” This sentence claims that a child’s character is molded by parents and family. The claim is not unacceptable but it is not the view expressed in the prompt. Therefore, the writer does not actually agree with the psychologists. Grammatical and lexical errors frequently impede understanding; the reader has to make considerable effort to retrieve meaning. The errors made also suggest that the writer has gaps in grammatical and lexical knowledge. For instance, the writer might know all the prepositions but might only know their main uses. The essay ends abruptly. It is not clear whether the writer ran out of time to write further or whether this was simply a poor attempt at a closing statement.

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6. WRITING SECTION A new five-point rating scale was launched in May 2009. The descriptors for performance levels A, B, and C did not change; level D was divided into a new D and an E level. The minimum passing level continues to be C. The writing task has not changed. Table 11 presents the new five-point rating scale. Table 11: Writing Section 5-Point Rating Scale RATING A Honors

RHETORIC • Topic richly, fully, complexly developed • Organization well-controlled, appropriate to the material • Connection is smooth

B

• Topic clearly and completely developed, with acknowledgment of its complexity • Organization is controlled and shows appropriateness to the material

GRAMMAR/SYNTAX

VOCABULARY

• Flexible use of a wide range of syntactic (sentence level) structures; morphological (word forms) control nearly always accurate

• Broad range, appropriately used

• Spelling and punctuation errors are rare and insignificant

• Both simple and complex syntax adequately used; good morphological control

• Vocabulary use shows flexibility, is usually appropriate

• Spelling and punctuation errors are infrequent and not distracting

• Both simple and complex syntax present

• Adequate vocabulary, but may sometimes be inappropriately used

• Spelling and punctuation errors sometimes distracting

• Vocabulary may be limited in range, and is sometimes inappropriately used to the point that it causes confusion

• Spelling and punctuation errors are frequently distracting

• Incorrect use of vocabulary causes confusion

• Basic vocabulary words regularly misspelled

• Even basic words may be misused

• Little or no control over sentence boundaries

• Any inappropriate vocabulary does not confuse meaning

MECHANICS

• Few problems with connection

C

• Topic clearly developed, but not always completely or with acknowledgment of its complexity • Organization generally controlled; connection sometimes absent or unsuccessful

D

• For some, syntax is cautious but accurate, while others are more fluent but less accurate • Inconsistent morphological control

• Topic development usually clear but simple and may be repetitive

• Morphological errors are frequent

• Attempts to address different perspectives on the topic are often unsuccessful

• Simple sentences tend to be accurate; more complex ones tend to be inaccurate

• Overreliance on prefabricated language and/or language from the prompt • Organization partially controlled

E

• Topic development may be unclear and/or limited by incompleteness or lack of focus • Might not be relevant to topic • Connection of ideas often absent or unsuccessful

• Pervasive and basic errors in sentence structure and word order cause confusion • Problems with subjectverb agreement, tense formation or word formation • Even basic sentences are filled with errors

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• May show interference from other languages

• Spelling and punctuation errors regularly cause confusion

Writing Outline: For and Against Essays Below is an example of an outline for a For and Against Essay. Introduction  

Paraphrase! Restate the topic in your own words. Acknowledge the complexity of the issue and state that you will look at both For and Against arguments.

Body (Paragraph 1)  

Introduce the major argument For: "On the one hand..." Present the main points and elaborate.

Body (Paragraph 2)  

Introduce the major argument Against: "On the other hand..." Present the main points and elaborate.

Conclusion  

State that after weighing both arguments you have finally developed your own opinion. Close your essay with a dramatic, thought-provoking statement of your personal thoughts on the issue.

The following is a Sample of a For and Against Essay. Topic: Should Animals be used in testing new drugs and procedures? (Animal Testing) Animal testing may be necessary, but we need to be merciful Every year, millions of animals undergo painful suffering or death as a result of scientific research into the effects of drugs, food additives, cosmetics and other chemical products. While most people think animal testing is necessary, others are upset by what

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they see as needless suffering. This essay looks at some of the positive and negative aspects of animal testing. Many medical treatments and procedures have been developed from experiments on animals. Since animals share many features with humans, scientists use animals to test the safety and effectiveness of newly developed drugs before pilot testing on small groups of patients. Medical teams practice new operating techniques such as transplants on animals. Without animal testing, many procedures or new drugs would be extremely unsafe. However, many people are concerned that animals are suffering unnecessarily and cruelly. They do not believe that every new drug needs to be tested on animals, especially with the huge database of knowledge and modern computer models. They also are worried that many animal tests are ineffective, pointing out that many drugs have had to be withdrawn from the market despite extensive testing. They particularly feel that animal testing should not be used for non-essential products such as cosmetics, shampoos, soaps, and cleaning products. Furthermore, some campaigners would like to see certain tests replaced and more humane methods used. We need to make sure that the millions of animals who are used for testing new products are treated with the minimum of suffering. Although some animal testing may be unavoidable at present, treating our fellow creatures as mercifully as possible will demonstrate our humanity.

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Writing Outline: Advantages and Disadvantages Essays Below is an example of an outline for a For and Against Essay. Introduction  

Paraphrase! Restate the topic in your own words. Acknowledge that there are both advantages and disadvantages involved.

Body (Paragraph 1)  

Introduce the major advantages: "On the positive side..." Present the main points and elaborate.

Body (Paragraph 2)  

Introduce the major disadvantages: "Despite these attractions, however, some drawback do exist..." Present the main points and elaborate.

Conclusion 

Restate your opinion and refer to the main advantages and disadvantages presented in the essay.

Here are some helpful linking words that may be used throughout this essay:         

Firstly, In other words, This means that It is also Another advantage is that While However, On the other hand Finally

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 

In conclusion, To sum up,

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The University of Michigan Examination for the Certificate of Proficiency in English (ECPE)

Official Past Graded Essays from: 2000 - 2001 2001 - 2002 2002 - 2003 Examinations

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The Official Past Graded Essays benchmarked by the English Language Institute at the University of Michigan can be used for analysis and writing skills development Contents The essays included in this packet are official past writing samples that have been graded by University of Michigan ELI staff. Please note that they have not been edited and still contain the original student errors. Included with the graded essays are the reviewer’s comments and the official ECPE writing section scoring criteria. The first four graded essays are followed by a number of questions and some suggestions for additional activities. The questions and activities are original material created for use by EFL students in Greece. They have been developed from the reviewer’s comments and are intended to help students begin to look at writing more critically. Use This collection of essays and activities can be used to heighten students’ and teachers’ awareness of the characteristics of writing at the ECPE level, to focus students on the processes of editing and revision, and to help them improve their own writing abilities through reading, analysis and discussion.

The questions and activities that accompany the graded essays in this packet were written by Anne Nebel for the Hellenic American Union.

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To the teacher: The graded essays in this packet are useful in helping students to critically analyze writing at the ECPE level. In answering the questions, students are compelled to look closely at the syntax, grammar, vocabulary, organization and development of an essay, and frequently to make corrections and improvements. Focused examination and expansion of these writing samples will help students improve their ability to analyze and develop their own essays. In addition to the questions that follow each essay, you might also try the following discussions/activities in your class. 1. Examine the scoring rubric together. Taking one section (rhetoric, grammar/syntax, etc.) and one level (A, B, etc.) at a time review with the students what each descriptor means. For example: a. One characteristic of rhetoric at Honors (A) level is that “connection is smooth.” What does “connection” in writing mean? How do we connect writing? Why is it important? What happens when an essay is not well connected? Look for examples in the essays. b. One characteristic of grammar/syntax at B and C levels is that “both simple and complex syntax is present.” What are some examples of simple syntax? What are some examples of complex syntax? What effect does syntax (simple and complex) have on a piece of writing? c. What does it mean to “acknowledge the complexity” of a topic? How does this affect the successfulness of an essay? 2. Ask students to write an essay based on the prompt given in the graded essays or any other prompt. Have each student examine another student’s essay and rate it according to the ECPE scoring rubric. If this is too challenging, ask them to rate each essay in just one of the categories, such as vocabulary or rhetoric. Tell them they must justify the score they give by underlining examples in the essay. This can be reviewed in pairs, groups or as a whole class. 3. Ask students to take the C or D level essay and improve it in each (or just one) of the categories of the ECPE scoring rubric. This can also be done in pairs. For example, students can identify sentences with very simple syntax and develop them into more complex sentences to improve the essay. They may also select vocabulary items to substitute with more appropriate choices.

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ECPE SCORING RUBRICS FOR WRITING SECTION

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ECPE 2002-03 BENCHMARK A (Honors level) Topic: People often say success is dependent on “who you know, not what you know.” What do you think makes a person more successful—knowing important people, or having knowledge and expertise? Discuss, giving specific examples. Comments: Well developed; topic is introduced smoothly using the writer’s own words (does not copy or quote from the prompt). Uses complex syntax correctly and high level vocabulary appropriately. Occasional spelling errors are not distracting. The unfinished sentence at the end is acceptable because this is an impromptu writing task.



As years go by, it becomes more and more apparent

that success matters. People in developed countries are presently quite preoccupied with their own success, as well as their children’s. Be it the outcome of role models television, cinema or advertising, it has become very important for one to be considered succesful in one’s business or career. Thus, the question arises: what is it that one needs in order to Minor spelling errors are not distracting.

work one’s way to the top of society’s pyramid?

Some would argue that a person needs to aquire the appropriate

knowledge in order to succed. A solid education is a good starting point, but in modern days is not always enough. Often people need to pursue what is called ‘life-long learning’, meaning they must continue to study and learn throughout their life in order to keep up with the state of their art. In addition, one needs to have a certain talent, inclination and love for what they practise and be prepared to work hard.

Be it as it may, people with the aforementioned prerequisites

have been known to do well in their careers and make it to the top. Sometimes, they start from zero and have to show great persistence, courage, inner strength and patience, in order for their goals

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to finally be achieved. It can be said that this sort of success is surely the sweetest, since it is well deserved.

Nevertheless, it is also a fact that strong connections and

good public relations can take a person a long way. This has been known to happen in past times and in present times it has only become more prevalent. Expressions such as nepotism, cronyism and the like, are often used to describe the situation.

It has often been the case for people with less experience,

skill or knowledge to be chosen over others, who are actually stronger candidates for a position but haven’t got very strong connections. Knowing people who play an important part in politics or in the business world can sometimes prove crucial in achieving success. However, if one chooses this path, one must compromise with knowing within oneself that it has cost other people injustice. Achieving a goal in such a way deprives one of most of the satisfaction and glory that should normally accompany success.

To sum it all up, this is not a perfect world. There

will always be an easy way and a hard way to succed and there will always be people who chose . . .

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Unfinished sentence at end is acceptable in an impromptu situation

Focus Questions: Based on the reviewer’s comments and the scoring criteria for the ECPE, consider the following questions about the essay. 1. Reread the prompt then look at the essay again and identify how the writer introduces the topic in his or her own words. 2. Rewrite a similar introductory paragraph for this topic, based on the prompt, but using your own words. 3. Underline examples of complex syntax in the essay. Discuss these forms and why they are effective in their contexts. 4. Underline examples of high-level vocabulary. Discuss their meaning and effectiveness in the essay. 5. The reviewer notes that this essay is well developed. In what ways is this true? Discuss the organization and development of the ideas. 6. Why is the ending considered acceptable in this essay? 7. Circle any misspelled words and note any punctuation errors. Do you think these errors distract at all from the reading? 8. What do you think are the strengths of this essay? Do you find any areas for improvement?

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ECPE 2002-03 BENCHMARK B (High Pass level)

Topic: People often say success is dependent on “who you know, not what you know.” What do you think makes a person more successful—knowing important people, or having knowledge and expertise? Discuss, giving specific examples. Comments: Elaborates on the topic. Has some awkward phrasing (problems with syntax). Very few minor, localized grammatical errors. Uses advanced level vocabulary, but word choice is sometimes imprecise. Though not serious enough to cause misunderstanding, it is jarring to the reader.



In my opinion, what makes a person successful, especially

in his job and consequently in his life, is absotulety having knowledge

“absolutely” doesn’t make sense here

and sometimes expertise. Even if I had to work in public relations of a restaurant or in a company, I would be suitable for this position only if I had relevant knowledge or experience.

word order is not right

Furthermore, knowing also important people, who can evaluate

justly your qualifications and could help you in finding a job is

lexical choice of “fairly would be better than “justly”

important too. And this because nowadays, there is Unfortunately, at least in my country, Greece, a high rate of unemployment, incessantly growing , and also there are not so many vacancies left. Therefore, a lot of people try, from a very young age, to study in

lexical choice of “constantly” would be better than “incessantly” and “job openings” better than “vacancies”

university, get a degree or a diploma in order to have a possibility of working somewhere. So, the more important people you know, the better for you it is. But it is not of paramount importance, owing to the fact that what counts in society is the person itself, not how much people knows.

Moreover, I support the view that it is too difficult for someone

to keep his position, especially in a private company, if he does not

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word order problems

Isolated subject-verb agreement problem

have some basic qualifications or some kind of experience, or even for instance, if he does not take pride in his work. This happens because he will not be able to offer his services and consequently he might end up becoming redundant in his job.

lexical choice of

In conclusion, I would say that having knowledge and experience is “crucial” would be better than “serious”

a serious prerequisite to getting a serious position and absolutely more important than just knowing some people. In the end, just think about what a person is, if knowing important people but without having some kind of knowledge.

Syntax problem: sentence fragment at end. Isolated spot where meaning is not quite clear, perhaps due to limited time to finish?

Focus Questions: Based on the reviewer’s comments and the scoring criteria for the ECPE, consider the following questions about the essay. 1. How does the writer elaborate on the topic? Find specific examples in the essay of how the topic develops. Discuss how successful the topic development is with your teacher and make suggestions for improvement if necessary. 2. Find examples in the essay of word order that is awkward or incorrect and underline it, then write the correct word order in the space above the line. 3. Circle examples of advanced-level vocabulary. Discuss their meaning and use in the essay. 4. Discuss all grammatical errors that you find, including one sentence fragment, and make the corrections. Review these with your teacher. 5. Are there any problems in punctuation in the essay? If so, identify them and discuss what the problem is. 6. Rewrite this essay to improve it. Pay special attention to topic development and word choice.

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ECPE 2002-03 BENCHMARK C (Minimum Pass level) Topic: People often say success is dependent on “who you know, not what you know.” What do you think makes a person more successful—knowing important people, or having knowledge and expertise? Discuss, giving specific examples. Comments: Well organized, but incompletely developed: uses same examples and reasons for both situations, and at the end, says they are equally valuable. Overall syntax is good; grammatical breakdowns are localized and not very serious. Uses some formulaic phrases, which indicates limited ability to use the language creatively.



It’s a common belief that nowadays, knowing important people

or having knowledge and expertise can be a success to somebody’s life.

Good introductory sentence.

But it still remains a controversial issue about which of these two are

Awkward phrasing (“about which is more important” would be better)

more important to people.

“firmly believe” is a formulaic phrase



To my way of thinking, I firmly believe that both of them are of

great importance to people On one hand, Knowing important people is very beneficial to people. To begin with, that gives you the chance to get a better job or a promotion in your business level. That means, that by doing that someone can earn more money and as a resualt have a better, more comfortable and without problems life. Apart from that, someone is able to get the respect of the other people. This will make him much more popular, gregarious and moreover prestigious. So, as a resualt, he can gain a more successful life with lot’s of benefits to be gained.

On the other hand, having knowledge and expertise can also be

of a great help to people. To begin with, expertise and knowledge can help people to get the respect they deserve from the others. That can help someone to have friends and friendship is something really

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“business level” is unclear “resualt” is a minor spelling error Faulty word order “one” would be better than “someone” here “gregarious” & “prestigious” are improperly used “lot’s” is a minor punctuation error

valuable nowadays. In addition, expertise and knowledge will help someone to get the job he wishes and have the life he prefers. And last but not least, knowledge and expertise will not only help someone with his relationships with the others, but also with himself. He will

Writer already used friendship as an advantage of knowing important people; using it again here doesn’t contrast the two. “beseiged by success” is an inappropriate lexical choice

feel pleased and a man who is besieged by success or even proud of what he accomplished. The knowledge will give him the chance to educate himself and add some new things to his life.

Sentence fragment

Should be “and”, not “or”

To sum up, I think that knowing important people or having

knowledge and expertise are important to people’s lives. Both of them are equal and so they can ensure a successful life to people.

Minor error in choice of preposition: should be “for people”

Focus Questions: Based on the reviewer’s comments and the scoring criteria for the ECPE, consider the following questions about the essay. 1. Discuss the errors you find in grammar and syntax with your teacher, then make the corrections. 2. The reviewer notes that the topic is incompletely developed because both sides of the discussion rely on the same examples and reasons. Find the examples and reasons the writer presents and compare them. What changes can you suggest to improve the topic development? 3. Find and circle several examples of vocabulary that is only adequate, and suggest a better, more accurate word choice. 4. Find and circle several examples of words that are used somewhat inappropriately and suggest a more appropriate word choice. Discuss why you think certain words fit better. 5. Are there any instances of spelling and punctuation mistakes that make this essay difficult to read? Discuss how these mistakes complicate the meaning. Correct them in the essay. 6. Rewrite this essay improving the development of the topic, the grammar and syntax, and the choice of vocabulary.

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ECPE 2002-03 BENCHMARK D (Fail level) Topic: People often say success is dependent on “who you know, not what you know.” What do you think makes a person more successful—knowing important people, or having knowledge and expertise? Discuss, giving specific examples. Comments: Limited language. Repetitive argument and incorrect structures. The three examples of mechanic, winemaker, & painter are repetitious and make the essay seem “padded”. Problems with word order. Meaning is unclear in several places. Passed the other sections of the exam.



Nowadays a controversy is rasing about the success of people.

There are people who believe that someone is successfull when he knows a lot of important people. But there are others who believe that someone is successfull when he has knowledge and expertise. As far as I am concerned I strongly believe that both knowing important people and having expertise is needed in order someone to be successfull.

For example a car-mechanic in order to be successfull nowadays

he should know important people in order his job to be known and he should have knowledge about cars and expertise in order to repair the impaired cars correctly.

Wrong word choice & verb tense: should be “has arisen.” minor spelling error

“strongly believe” is formulaic Syntax problems in the entire sentence. Wrong word order, omits word (“in order for his job”), lexical problems (“his job to be known” is unclear). Vocabulary problem: “damaged” would be better than “impaired”.

Furthermore a winemaker in order to be successfull, he should

know important people in order his products to be known and he should have knowledge about wines and expertise in order to make good

Uses same phrasing as in previous example, with same syntax errors.

quality wine.

In addition a painter in order to be a successfull and widely

known artist he should know important people in order his paintings to be bought by someone and he should have knowledge about the art of painting and he should have expertise in order to create masterpieces.

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Repeats argument and incorrect structures for the third time.



To sum up I strongly believe that both knowing important

people and having expertise helps people to their jobs. As a result they will become good and successfull proffecionals in the future.

“strongly believe” is formulaic Syntax problem: omits word“to do their jobs.” “proffecionals” is a minor spelling error

Focus Questions: Based on the reviewer’s comments and the scoring criteria for the ECPE, consider the following questions about the essay. 1. The writer often makes poor word choices and uses incorrect verb forms. Find examples throughout this essay. In each instance, determine what is wrong and make a suggestion for improvement. 2. There are several minor spelling errors in this essay. Identify and correct them. Do you think they distract from reading the essay? Why or why not? 3. The writer uses some rather formulaic phrases as a crutch to hold up weak writing. Try to find a few examples of these phrases in the essay. 4. Grammar and syntax still appear to be below proficiency level. Find examples of problems with grammar and syntax in this essay, underline them, correct them and review them. 5. A few incorrect structures and phrases are repeated in this essay. What does this demonstrate? Find the repeated structures in the essay. 6. The writer repeats the same arguments in this essay. What does this indicate? 7. Rewrite this essay improving the syntax and grammar, as well as the vocabulary level throughout.

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ECPE 2002-03 BENCHMARK C (Minimum Pass level) Topic: People often say success is dependent on “who you know, not what you know.” What do you think makes a person more successful—knowing important people, or having knowledge and expertise? Discuss, giving specific examples. Comments: First paragraphs is not clear and therefore not passing level. However, after this weak start, the second paragraph is better. Ideas are developed well. Clear communication despite some awkward phrasing, lexical choices, and other localized errors. First rater gave this a D, subsequent raters gave it C-.



Nowadays we live in a society where everybody competes about

Meaning is unclear.

who is going to make ends meet and have a good quality of life. And as jobs are quite limited at current years man has to work and fight hard in order to succeed. This fight depends of course on the each individual. Other have more and other less qualifications for a particular job. So,

Meaning of this sentence is unclear. “the each” should be “each” and “Some have more ... others fewer” would be better.

unfortunately many of these people (with less expertise) even though they are not qualified enough, manage to find a job because of the friends they have, who are at high positions and help them.

In my opinion this situation is not right at all! I think that it

is much more important when someone has studied hard, has taken a university degree and has acquired the proper qualifications for a particular job. For instance, many young people devote their whole life studing medicine. It is known that man has to secrafise many years of

“spend” or “devote to studying” would be better “studing” is a spelling error that changes the meaning; “secrafise” is unclear.

his life studing hard until he ultimately gets his university degree as a doctor and have his own bureau. What is more most of them are experienced enough to help many people overcome their health problems even in very serious cases. But for one person to be successful having knowledge and expertise in a particular field is 46

Incorrect lexical choice: “bureau” should be “office” or “practice”.

nowadays not enough. As I mentioned before even a greater number of people manage to get in higher positions, in successful and well-paid jobs because of the people they know. In all cases – with no exception – this particular friend as having the power and the ability to do, helps them take such jobs. For example, in the latest years we see many people who have not even gone to High School being millionares because of their jobs who would be unable to have if it wasn’t for their important friends. In this point I would like to mention as an example a manager of a particular Bank that I happen to know personally. He has only gone to High School, but has not studied at all and of course his

Syntax breakdown: “friend who has” would be clearer. Lexical choice: “get” rather than “take” jobs “millionares” is a minor spelling error “becoming” rather than “being” would be a better word choice Incorrect verb formation causes confusion

university degree does not exist. Nevertheless, thanks to his father who Very good use of friend as

was the former Bank Manager he took the job quite easily and now he is example a famous person, with uncountable money that hardly tried to get in such a high position. This in my opinion is quite unfair for the others who at

Unclear referent; the money didn’t try to get the position.

least have tried a little bit harder than him. Of course there is nothing we can do to change it, but to be more clever and try for our best.

On the whole however, I believe that neither having important

friends (only), nor having knowledge and expertise alone can help anyone succeed The right combination of these two qualifications is

Garbled syntax in final sentence.

this, which is the perfect and help each individual reach his personal goal! Focus Questions: Work in pairs to develop questions based on the reviewer’s comments and the scoring criteria for the ECPE. Then try to answer the questions you have developed, providing explanations and justifications. For example: Why is the first paragraph unclear?

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ECPE 2002-03 BENCHMARK D (Fail level) Topic: People often say success is dependent on “who you know, not what you know.” What do you think makes a person more successful—knowing important people, or having knowledge and expertise? Discuss, giving specific examples. Comments: Reads well, uses complex structures, but communication breaks down abruptly in spots. Meaning is unclear due to omitted words and word choice, and to incorrect use of verb forms. Does not demonstrate control in parts that are not formulaic.



It is widely believed that if someone knows an important person

then he can have a great success without even have the appropriate qualifications. To my opinion I think that this can only be judged on a basis.

Basic grammatical error: “having” rather than “have.”

Unclear because of missing word or wrong word choice.

There are people who can for example run their own business

because they are helped by people who have money or fame. These people may not have enough knowledge, expertise and experience but

Meaning unclear because of wrong word choice; should be “powerful”

they can “succeed” because they know or they are friends with strong, famous people. However it goes without saying that they will have only a transient success as I think that these who have no

Formulaic phrase

Meaning unclear

qualifications and are only based on important people can never have a real, not-transient success. They may become strong, rich or famous but just for a little.

In the other hand there are people who have a lot of knowledge

and expertise but unfortunately they can’t succeed as they aren’t friends

Omits word (little while, short time)

Formulaic phrase using wrong preposition

with famous people. For instance, there are people who have graduated from college, they’ve become experts on a subject, they are very knowledgeable but they can’t have a suitable job because

48

Wrong word choice that alters meaning. Should use “get” rather than “have”.

of their independence on rich or famous people. However this is also a

has made strenuous attempts to succeed then he will never loose. It’s

Wrong word choice that impedes meaning. “Independence” is the opposite of what writer intends.

undeniable that some people may sell him short but by and by they will

Meaning of “seasoned” is unclear.

transient situation. I mean that if someone is seasoned on a subject and

certainly recognise his true value and he will have a really and not at all Serious spelling error phoney success.

because it creates a different word and obscures meaning.



Formulaic phrase

As a conclusion, I think it is quite good to know rich or famous

people but without the appropriate knowledge you can go nowhere and you can never fullfil all the goals you have set. I suppose that having both of them is very convenient as you can succeed more easily!

Wrong word form Awkward phrasing. “In conclusion” would be better. Minor spelling error that does not impede clear communication

Focus Questions: Work in pairs to develop questions based on the reviewer’s comments and the scoring criteria for the ECPE. Then try to answer the questions you have developed, providing explanations and justifications. For example: Can you give examples of complex structures used in the essay?

49

ECPE 2001-2002 BENCHMARK A STANDARD TOPICS: 1. 2.

Some psychologists believe that there is more to intelligence than traditional intelligence tests measure (mathematical and verbal ability). They say there are many kinds of intelligence and many ways to be smart. Besides mathematical and linguistic intelligence, in what other ways do you think people are smart? Be specific in your discussion and provide concrete examples. Most people agree that it is important for co-workers to have good relationships. However, a recent study suggests that friendships at work can also cause problems. In what ways can friendships at work be harmful? Discuss, giving specific examples.



Ok, so your son got a low score in his IQ tests. Don’t be discouraged

since this does not mean he is not “intelligent”. It simple means they may have not tested his main intelligence. More and more reasuring news are

Strong beginning; good vocabulary

coming from new research. These new studies indicate that there is more to it than the traditional mathematical and linguistic intelligence.

Alan Coardner, in his study called Multiple Intelligences (MI),

states that a person may have Interpersonal Intelligence. This is the ability

Good reference to authority

to communicate and handle relationships with other people. We see this intelligence at work when we see teachers or politicians performing their tasks.

Definition of interpersonal intelligence is properly placed and formed. The writer does not assume the reader is familiar with the concept. Good connection of points.



The writer here is clearly familiar with the topic. Familiarity with the topic does not always result in good performance, but in this case the writer’s command of English result in a successful essay. The writer is able to present some aspects of Gardner’s theory of multiple intelligences and provide examples. The writer does not discuss any one of the intelligences in great detail, but by touching on several of them, he/she produces a well developed essay. The points flow together nicely. Language is controlled with very few errors. The introduction and the conclusion differ from the body stylistically, with the body being a bit more “academic”. Even so, the writer maintains control of the discourse from beginning to end.

50

ECPE 2001-2002 BENCHMARK A (cont.)

A second example of MI is Intrapersonal Intelligence. This kind of

intelligence is your ability to know yourself in relation with everything around you. Typical examples include philosophers, and thinkers.

In addition to interpersonal and intrapersonal intelligences, I can

mention Musical Intelligence. This on measures a person’s ability to play any musical instrument, sing or compose music. Specific examples are found every time we see a singer, a piano player or a composer at work.

Related to the previous one, I can mention Bodily Kinesthetic

Good connection and use of examples. Idiomatic use of language.

Intelligence This kind of intelligence measures your ability to use your body for such tasks as dancing, sports or any other in which you need precise body movement. Talented people in this area include dancer Michael Jackson.

Fifth in this list is Environmental intelligence. This is evident when

the person is aware of the environment around him or her. The person is good finding his or her way around in a new city, or understands the processes

Missing preposition

involved during an eclipse or simply enjoys observing natural phenomena.

So, if your child got a law math test or a law verbal aptitude test it

would be worth looking deeper and determine his main intelligence. I think the time you spend identifying his or her main intelligence will result in incredible benefits for his or her future life. Focus Questions: Work in pairs to develop questions based on the reviewer’s comments and the scoring criteria for the ECPE. Then try to answer the questions you have developed, providing explanations and justifications. For example: In what way(s) does the writer of the essay show that he/she is clearly familiar with the topic?

51

ECPE 2001 – 2002 BENCHMARK B STANDARD TOPICS: 1. 2.

Some psychologists believe that there is more to intelligence than traditional intelligence tests measure (mathematical and verbal ability). They say there are many kinds of intelligence and many ways to be smart. Besides mathematical and linguistic intelligence, in what other ways do you think people are smart? Be specific in your discussion and provide concrete examples. Most people agree that it is important for co-workers to have good relationships. However, a recent study suggests that friendships at work can also cause problems. In what ways can friendships at work be harmful? Discuss, giving specific examples.



Intelligence could be a gift, or one could actually be trained to be

smart. In either case, the only intelligence that is usually considered at schools or any academic institution is the mathematic and verbal kind. Examiners hardly ever look for other kinds of intelligence such as body coordination and

No scene setting. The writer jumps right into the topic.

social intelligence. These two ways of being smart are as important as the verbal and mathematical and should be payed more attention to.

Body coordination is very important for activities like sports and

playing an instrument. Since these activities play a major role in people’s lives these days, this kind of intelligence should be given it’s due merit. For example, I am a student who always ranked first in all my classes at school. When I came to learn playing the guitar, I found that I can’t be among the top students. Also, I never could manage to master any of the sports activities at

Merit is not necessary

Intended meaning is clear, but this is the wrong word with I. Should be it came to … Wrong tense? Should be couldn’t or another modal.

school. On the other hand, many of the sports champions at school never did perform well academically. Does that mean they lack intelligence? Definitely

Good

not.

Another important intelligence is social skills. People with this type

Grammar and vocabulary look good. The writer has attempted to connect ideas without using traditional connectors, and instead uses in either case and a summary phrase (these two ways of being smart). Devices such as these are used by very capable writers.

20

52

ECPE 2001 – 2002 BENCHMARK B (cont.) of intelligence have the ability to create an agreeable environment in a

social gathering. They also know how to lighten the atmosphere and lead a

[

]

discussion, though a productive path. There are many people, whom I wish

OK, but a somewhat unnatural word choice.

Awkward wording

I could be like in certain gatherings but I never could activate anything. Also, many smart students at school just prefer to be alone because they

Intended meaning is not immediately clear.

don’t have the needed intelligence when with people.

So there are many ways to be smart and I believe that the kinds of

intelligence mentioned above should be looked at more by society.



This is a very good composition. Topic development is clear and the writer uses some examples to support points. Both simple and complex sentences have been attempted. Although overall grammar and vocabulary are appropriate and on target, on the second page there are several noticeable awkward expressions. Many B compositions are grammatically accurate throughout, but contain awkward or unnatural sounding expressions. When these expressions are used, however, they generally do not confound the intended meaning.

Focus Questions: Work in pairs to develop questions based on the reviewer’s comments and the scoring criteria for the ECPE. Then try to answer the questions you have developed, providing explanations and justifications. For example: What examples does the writer of this essay use to support his/her points?

53

ECPE 2000 – 2001 BENCHMARK C STANDARD TOPICS: 1. 2.

A noted historian recently warned that as use of the Internet increases, many libraries will close. People who once used libraries are now turning to the Internet for information. Do you agree that the Internet will replace the need for libraries? Why or why not? Support your point of view using examples. Some child psychologists believe that the peer groups children play with influence their character and personality development more than the children’s parents do. The psychologists say children are more interested in fitting in with their friends than behaving the way their parents want them to. Do you agree or disagree with these psychologists? Explain your point of view.



It is slowly becoming apparent that the coostitution of family is and

will be the cornerstone of a nation’s development. Actually it is the central

Grammatically OK, but what does this really mean?

core of it since all its members work and ccomminicate on the basis of love and mutual respect.

Nowadays family seem to have gone through a lot of different stages.

[

]

For instance in each antiquinty member had a particular field to occupy with

and all jobs were distributed by the eldests. Women were more attatched to the upbring of their children where as, men were working to support their

Wrong vocabulary choice. Should be role to play? Wrong vocabulary choice. Should be focused on? Wrong form. Should be upbringing.

family The bonds between the members were strict and mutual respect was the essential part of their life. Children would listen to their parents advice and moreover would imitate their way of life. They would behave just like were raised and furthermore they would be influenced only by them. Their interaction with other children would only be a matter of playing innocent

Wrong vocabulary choice. Should be strong or tight. Missing pronoun Modals should not be used. Was is the correct choice of verb here.

team games. Their entertainment would only be singing old songs banded dawn by their ancestors and hymns among the family.

22

54

Correct word?

ECPE 2000 – 2001 BENCHMARK C (cont.)

Today the challenges are far more than attractive for a ten-year-old Meaning is not clear.

child. Technological advances has culminated in their rounded education apart from school, through computers and have vast knowledge on different fields.

Meaning is not clear. Who has vast knowledge?

With “a press of a button one can have immediate access all over the world and be at your hands easily without much effort. So interacting with children

Meaning is not clear. What can be at your hands?

of the same age and exchanging views is totally unavoidable What I mean

Good

is that children have more things to share than in the past and that in turn culminates in getting influenced by them. Another factor is that they spend

Reference?

more hours with them rather than with their parents since both are in charge

Awkward word order

of supporting financially their family. That has an adverse impact on the psycology of children. They no more trust their parent nor do they listen to

Missing pronoun they

them. They think that have come to maturity and know exactly what they do.

Missing modal should

To sum up psycologists do have a point concerning children’s

behavior and attitude towards family and we as parents should seek some other form of upbringing our children and especially reappraise the values of family and try to reform it according to the new pace of life keep the family

Wrong vocabulary choice. Should be raising. Meaning is not clear. Correct vocabulary choice?

bonds tight and guard what is called family.

The writer has a lot to say, but does not always convey his/her intended meaning. Some parts of the composition are nicely written, but some parts are difficult to follow because of inappropriate word choice (this is most serious at the top of page 2). Missing words also confound the writer’s intended meaning. Other problems include word order and unclear reference.

Focus Questions: Work in pairs to develop questions based on the reviewer’s comments and the scoring criteria for the ECPE. Then try to answer the questions you have developed, providing explanations and justifications. For example: Can you give the writer’s intended meaning in those parts which lack clarity of expression? 55

ECPE 2001 - 2002 BENCHMARK D STANDARD TOPICS: 1. 2.

Some psychologists believe that there is more to intelligence than traditional intelligence tests measure (mathematical and verbal ability). They say there are many kinds of intelligence and many ways to be smart. Besides mathematical and linguistic intelligence, in what other ways do you think people are smart? Be specific in your discussion and provide concrete examples. Most people agree that it is important for co-workers to have good relationships. However, a recent study suggests that friendships at work can also cause problems. In what ways can friendships at work be harmful? Discuss, giving specific examples.



Nowadays, there are many tests to measure how smart can a person be.

Wrong word order

]

[

Agreement

They test our mathematical and verbal ability and gives us a score acording to Wrong word?

our grades, these are called IQ tests.

But how smart can we be? People all over the world that never went to

Did the writer deliberately form the question this way? Seems doubtful.

school there whole lives can’t be smart? I don’t think so, these people have a Awkward phrasing and word order

different way to be smart. They are the so called street smart.

Succesfull people that haven’t finished their high school are all over

the world. Take Bill Gates for example, he never graduated but he was able to create a powerfull industry of computer softwares. Among him are others who also are very succesful without any mathematical or linguistic intelligence.

[

]

It’s wrong to think that people who didn’t went to school are dumb.

Nice example, but sentence not well-formed. Should be two sentences.

Awkward That is incorrect. This is a basic structure that should be controlled by a proficient writer.

Well, they aren’t going to solve huge problems like deseases or world hunger, But the are able to make a living.

Of cource that people like Bill Gates were very lucky and thay also had

[

]

some influence, and that’s why people who aren’t able to aply for an IQ test are considered stupid.

56

That is incorrect. Poor vocabulary choice. Should be take.

ECPE 2001 - 2002 BENCHMARK D

There are many ways to be smart, and psychologists are

[testing and proving that this is true.]This ways to be smart vary from scientists to artists, creative people don’t have to necesserely

[

]

be genious. Should we call Van Gogh stupid?

Testing … that it is true does not work. Agreement

Connection not clear.

They should make a new test, a test that measured a smart Wrong tense

person

Agreement. Should be plural.

The writer’s general point that there are different ways to be smart can be grasped. However, effort is needed to understand the essay in parts. The topic is not very well developed, but there is some topic development. The Bill Gates example is a very nice example of specific detail, something that stronger compositions often lack. The composition includes both simple and complex sentences, but errors are very frequent. Language is not well controlled. There are problems with agreement, verb form, and vocabulary choice.

Focus Questions: Work in pairs to develop questions based on the reviewer’s comments and the scoring criteria for the ECPE. Then try to answer the questions you have developed providing explanations and justifications. For example: Why isn’t the topic very well developed?

57

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