Make Small Talk Sexy Presents… Never Run Out of Things to Say: 9 Steps to Control Her Attention by Bobby Rio Copyright 2012 Bobby Rio
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Never Run Out of Things to Say: 9 Steps to Control Her Attention Let’s face it; talking to a beautiful woman does not come easily to too many of us. In fact, so much of our energy and anxiety is deplored just gathering up the courage to approach her, that by the time the conversation begins we’re burnt out and can’t think of a damn thing to say. Holding a fun and flirtatious conversation with a woman does not need to be difficult. But I can tell you right now, that if you start talking to a woman, and quickly find yourself asking her a lot of questions about her job, school, if she has pets, or any other type of questions that even vaguely resemble stuff that would be on a job application- you’re dead in the water. So I’ve put together a list of nine ways to make sure that you’re having conversations filled with fun and banter- and ultimately escalate you toward your goal of sleeping with her.
Section One: 9 Skills for Better Conversations with Women 1. Avoid asking too many questions… instead make statements After breaking the ice with a woman, most guys will immediately start bombarding her with questions. These questions usually tend to be boring “get to know you” questions… you know, the same sort of questions your aunt will ask you at a family party. Asking too many questions not only bores her, but it will also prevent her from actually engaging in the conversation. What usually happens is men will jump from question to question, without ever having the sense to expand upon a topic you can tell she loves to talk about.
Try this instead: Any time you are talking to a woman and you ask her a question, follow up her answer with a statement rather than simply moving on to the next question. This not only shows that you are listening to her, but also shows that you can connect at a different level. And will usually open up the conversation to move toward more fun or intimate topics. You: So do you have any pets? Her: Yea, I actually have three of the cutest cats in the world. You: Mmm…. So you are one of those women with cats, huh? (sly smile) Her: Stop it..haha… no I’m not one of those crazy cat women… I just love my cats. You: They say people who like cats tend to me more independent than dog lovers. As you can see, just by following up the question with a statement, you are able to expand on the topic and bring a little fun and banter to the conversation. In my Conversation Escalation program (http://www.makesmalltalksexy.com/ce) I give more examples of what to say to girls. 2. Qualify her Once a man senses any sort of rapport with a woman, he immediately becomes scared shitless of breaking that rapport or saying anything that will damage his chances of moving forward. So he stays on “safe” topics. Unfortunately, this tends to work counterproductive, and usually winds up boring a woman that was previously interested.
Try this instead: Once you sense that you’ve sparked a woman’s interest a little bit begin qualifying her with questions or statements that place you in the role of “the selector.” This means you will make a statement that may disqualify her as potential lover. Let’s use the cat example from above to demonstrate: You: So do you have any pets? Her: Yea, I have three of the cutest cats in the world. You: mmm… We would never get along. I’m a dog person, and what I’ve heard is that dog and cat owners tend to have a really intense sexual connection, but disagree on every other possible point. As you can see, you took a “safe” topic like pets and were able to bring an element of sexuality to the conversation. Not only that, but by making the statement “we would never get along” you’re now placing the burden of approval seeking on her. 3. Use Cold Reads As men, we love to talk about facts, events, and amusing surface level stories. While all of these should make up a great deal of your conversations they tend to limit you from certain areas that really seem to ignite passion in a woman. Women get their “fix” from talking about the mystical, or the deeper level. Women love to delve into the emotional meaning behind the facts, events, or surface level stories. If you never hint to a woman that you are capable of communicating on this different wave length you’re missing out on a great opportunity to separate yourself from other men.
Try this instead: Next time you’re talking to woman, try using a cold reading that will allow you to go beneath the surface level, and get her to open up to some of her feelings. A cold read is simply stating something you’ve noticed about her, and then making a deeper observation about it. Here is an example that you could use fairly soon into a conversation when she says something about a previous date or guy she knew. You: I can tell just by the way that you are talking there that you are the kind of girl who goes on a lot of dates but has trouble finding someone you’re actually interested in. Then when you find that person, you usually lose interest very quickly. Her: Yea… that’s so true. You: I bet you really love adventure… sometimes it scares you, but deep down you crave something exciting. And what is probably happening is every time you’re meeting these guys… you sense within that they are not going to satisfy that adventure you crave. This particular example allowed you do delve into the mystical and emotional, and also allowed you to disqualify the other guys, and at the same time, present yourself as something new, exciting, and different, who just might be the cure for her ailment. 4. Talk about things that you are passionate about Since most men stick to “interview mode” topics like work and school… they seldom have a chance to demonstrate their passionate and excited side to a woman. Instead they talk about topics that bore them, and in turn, bore the woman.
Try this instead: When you ask a woman what she looks for in a man, pretty much all women will use the word passionate. While most of the time, I take what women say they want with a grain of salt, in this case, I found this to be completely true. The fact is, “enthusiasm breeds enthusiasm.” When you talk to a woman, stress the things you are passionate and enthusiastic about. Having passion towards something can take a relatively mundane subject like cooking, and elevate it to an engrossing conversation. If you love to travel, let her get a sense of what exactly excites you about seeing the world. If you’re into building your business let her see the leader in you, let your entrepreneurial spirit shine bright, if you love music, or art, or movies, don’t hide it. This doesn’t mean brag about your knowledge of these subjects it means explain what aboutthem really drives you.Women like men with drive, men who know what they want and go after it, let women see thatside of you. 5. Tease her When most men approach a beautiful woman, they put her on a pedestal… and because of thisthey tend to treat her like she is royalty. Most men become deathly afraid of offending her.They become so worried about looking cool or coming up with the perfect thing to say, that theconversation quickly fizzles out. As I previously discussed in how to make women laugh ,women want a guy that is fun to bearound. The truth is we are all still children at heart. Although most of us love a goodintellectual conversation from time to time, when we are out at a bar or on a date, we just wantto relax, laugh a little bit, and have a good time, forgetting about the worries and stress in ourlife.
And the best way to do that is to keep the conversation playful and fun. Try this instead: First and foremost, the whole point of teasing is to create a fun environment where a woman canloosen up and open up to you.Teasing basically means being silly with a girl. It means treating her the same way you wouldyour bratty little sister. It means picking on her in a fun and flirtatious way.Here is the thing, effective teasing means that you will have to drop your cool guy image for a while and just relax and have some fun with her. Don’t be afraid to be a little goofy. Here are some examples of teasing: Getting ready to give her a high five… then pulling your hand away like you changed your mind Imitating her Suggesting she’s coming on to you Tell her an overtly exaggerated lie, and then pick on her for being gullible and believing you As you can see, these are the same sort of things you did on the playground in the fourth grade.They worked then, and they work now. 6. Learn to improvise One of the biggest problems men complain about is running out of things to talk about. Thisusually happens for two reasons. First, the conversation stalls out because they don’t recognizehow to smoothly change a conversation thread. The second reason the conversation stalls out isbecause the men don’t provide enough new threads for the women to grab onto. What usually happens is a man will ask a question, and then im-
mediately begin to think aboutwhat he is going to say next. Because of this, he isn’t really focused on listening to what thewoman is saying, and misses new conversation topics that he could have easily transitioned into. Try this instead: The next time you are talking to a woman always try to present her with several different topicsthat she can latch onto when crafting your sentences. For example, instead of just saying “I love baseball,” which limits the conversation thread to thetopic of baseball. Say, “I love baseball because when I was young my father you used to take me to games, andnow that I’m older I feel a real sense of nostalgia towards it.” Now instead of forcing her to talk about baseball, she has the option of transitioning to one of theother threads you’ve brought up. She can tell a story of somewhere her dad used to take herwhen she was a little girl. Or she can talk about any number of things she feels nostalgia for. Now when she is talking, you should be listening for the same openings that she is giving you.For example, if she says “I love to cook, my mom taught me how to cook, and now I even findmyself watching those stupid cooking shows on TV.”Instead of just staying on the cooking thread you can say something like, “yea, I’m the same way with those travel shows on TV. I start watching them and get sucked into all of the amazinglocations, so where would you go on vacation if money wasn’t a factor?” Do you see how easy it was to transition to a new topic simply by taking one word (tv) andimprovising off it to a completely new topic? Most men are under the false impression that beautiful women don’t want to talk to them. Thisis not the case. Beautiful women
crave fun and flirtatious conversations just as much as we do.The fact is, there are so few men who know how to peak a woman’s interest through talking toher, that she is actually dying to meet a man who can. The main reason most men don’t communicate well with women is because they let theirnervousness and anxiety prevent them from showing a woman their fun side. The second biggestreason a man doesn’t connect with a woman is because he doesn’t talk to her in a way that sheresponds to. 7. Concentrate on the emotions rather than facts Women are different than men. As we talked about earlier in this report, women love to talk about the meaning behind actions and the emotions they evoke.It is also true that the emotions that you arise during a conversation she will subconsciouslyanchor them to you. This means that if you are talking about relationships and she starts talkingabout all of the bad feelings she experienced with her previous boyfriend, she will begin toassociate you with those feelings. Try this instead: If it is true that women will anchor negative feelings to you, than it must be true that women willanchor positive feelings to you. This is why it is important to draw her into a positive emotionalstate. One way to do this, as discussed in the last article, is to tease her. Another way to do thisis to ask questions and make statements that prompt her to talk about specific feelings that shehas for something. If you are talking to a woman and she mentions the fact that she likes to go snowboarding,instead of talking about facts such as what mountain does she usually snowboard at, or what kindequipment does she use (which is common questions you would ask another man) instead get herto talk about the feelings she experiences while snowboarding.
For example: You: Did you do anything fun last weekend? Her: Yea I went snowboarding. I had the besttime. You: Wow. I love snowboarding. I think I’mliterally addicted to the rush I get going down themountain. What about you? What excites youmost about snowboarding? Her: Well I guess it would be that feeling ofadventure… like going so fast, being so scared, butnot wanting it to end because it feels like you’rereally living. In this example you’ve taken the topic ofsnowboard and talked about the meaning behind snowboarding and emotions it evokes. Sincethese are emotions are positive, you’ve put the woman in a positive mood, and she hassubconsciously anchored the feeling of adventure, excitement, and not wanting it to end – toyou. 8. Tell more stories (that put you in a positive light) When a bunch of guys are sitting around with each other it becomes almost a competition as towho can tell the best story. We try to tell stories that make us appear the funniest, coolest, ormost dominant guy in the group. Yet for some reason when we get around a woman we totallyforget to make use of this skill. A woman wants to figure things out about you on her own. She doesn’t necessarily trust everything that you’re saying, so she is trying to look for little clues that will help her determinewhere you fit in the pecking order.Stories are a natural way to capture someone’s attention. And if told right, they are also a greatway to drop subtle clues as to the finer points of your persona. As you tell a story you need to remember that a woman is listening to your story, but at the sametime she is reading behind the lines to make certain judgments about you.For instance, let’s say you tell a story how Tuesday afternoon you were lying in bed with
a hangover and someone kept knocking on your door, until finally you answered it and it wasthese annoying religious freaks trying to convert you to some weird new religion. Well, while you may have intended the story to be funny farce about the annoying religiouspeople, she has already begun to pigeonhole you as the kind of guy who gets drunk on Mondaynights, doesn’t have a job he has to wake up for, and has no ambition to get out of bed until theafternoon. Unless you both are in college, these are not necessarily traits that will excite her. Try this instead: You don’t want to come off a bragging during your stories. This is why any positive detailsabout your life you want to emphasize must be hidden within a larger story. This means, whilethe story itself does not have to be positive, she must be able to uncover positive traits about youfrom within the story. Let’s use the same story above about the religious folks knocking on the door and see how wecould tell it in a way that sheds some positive light on you. You: So Tuesday afternoon I’m sleeping late. This was like the first good comfortable sleepI’ve had in a couple weeks as I’ve been busting my ass trying to elevate my business to the nextlevel. Monday night we scored a kick ass contract and me and my team finally decided it wastime to celebrate. So now Tuesday morning I’m lying in bed, with the kind of hangover Ihaven’t had in years, and I keep hearing a knock on the door. I just don’t want to get out ofbed. Later than night I had a few more important meetings, I really wanted to sleep off thehangover so I would be in top shape to deliver the proposal. Well, the knocking stops for liketen minutes… but then starts up again. And now they’re ringing my bell too. Finally I throw onsome clothes and head downstairs and answer the door… and it’s these two little girls. At firstI’m thinking they want to sell me girl scout cookies, but then she hands me this flyer that says “Let Jesus save you from your treacherous life” and I’m thinking “am I on some sort of list orsomething? haha”
In this version of the story I included enough details to let her jump to the conclusion that I aman ambitious and successful businessman. But I never came out and said it. I gave her thisinformation in the context of a story about a couple of religious nuts trying to convert me. 9. Remember the non-verbal’s In the next section I’m going to talk about how to draw a woman into your conversations. In this section I discuss the subtle things you need to be doing to project that you are a fun, confident man thatshe should feel excited to be talking to. Most men don’t do this. Instead, most men let their nervousness control their entire body andthey wind up coming off fidgety, tense, and even slightly awkward.This happens because while men are talking to a woman they get stuck in their own head. Theybegin concentrating extremely hard on how they can impress the woman. Try this instead: A tip that I heard from a great pickup artist once that has helped me over the years is to imaginethat the woman has already told you that later she is going to get naked and sprawl out over youbed and let you have your way with her. If you knew this, how would you act? You would probably be quite laid back, with a knowing sly smile on your face, and you wouldhave no problem getting fun and flirtatious because there wasn’t a risk of rejection.Well, can you imagine how acting this way can actually get you the result of having a womansprawled out naked in your bed? Give it a shot next time you’re out.
Section Two: How to Draw a Woman Into Your Conversation When most guys set out to improve their interactions with women they immediately begin researching pickup lines. And while good opening lines have their place in a conversation, there are other elements that will improve your chances of drawing a woman into your conversation that are much more powerful than a couple clever lines. In fact, guys who place too much emphasis on coming up with a clever opener, usually wind up falling flat on their face a few minutes into the conversation when the initial conversational thread dies out. Other guys assume that everything has to do with how “cool” and “alpha” you appear to a woman. The problem that arises here is that many men become so focused on portraying “alpha” body language that they wind up appearing stiff and unnatural. They also find that their desire to come off as “cool” makes them really just come off as cold or boring. The “cool” factor should really come from being calm and sure of yourself. That “cool” feeling comes from speaking in a relaxed fashion, but giving the impression that there IS more, that there is a “fire” beneath the surface. That’s the “allure”. That’s what women like, and what people like in general. The coolest people are the ones that are fun to talk to and fun to be with. I’ve been passing along a little slogan that has helped me when I was in a social situation and wasn’t quite sure how to draw women into my conversation… I would just ask myself “What would Tommy Lee do?” If you aren’t familiar with Tommy Lee just go to Youtube and watch some videos of him and you’ll begin to get a better understanding of what I mean.
What Draws Women In? 1. Your Voice One of the biggest tools that you have for drawing women into your conversations is your voice. Your tone of voice really conveys a lot about who you are, how calm you are, how interesting you are, and says a lot about you. Your tone of voice is so important because it allows you to convey comfort, and demonstrate that sense of the all-powerful relaxed confidence. It also allows you to express some energy and excitement at different times, especially when it is appropriate to the situation. There are many articles and books on improving your voice tonality, but the common fundamental seems to be speaking from your chest rather than your nose or mouth. Take a moment right now to test this out; grab some reading material and begin reading it out loud. However, focus on generating the sound from deep within your chest. Relax. Sound relaxed. See how relaxed this makes you feel and how relaxed you need to be to do this. Over the next few days when speaking to anyone, make a note to yourself as to how you are speaking, and where you are speaking from (your nose, mouth, or chest). Also, make note of how you felt (nervous, comfortable, and relaxed-confident). 2. Pacing and Pausing Another way to better engage a woman in your conversations is to let them flow better through the use of pacing and pausing. This is important because correct pacing and speed of delivery conveys comfort and shows that you are relaxed. If you have a habit of speaking too quickly you are probably demonstrating tension and even a sense of panic. Being able to vary your pacing and pausing can help a lot to convey a sense of intrigue and create interest.
For the next few days, start to focus on changing your pacing and pausing, to convey a more relaxed and deliberate manner. Use variations in pace, and well-placed pauses, to convey a sense of drama and intrigue in what you are saying in a way that “captivates” people and makes them want to listen to you. 3. Energy and Enthusiasm When I use my “What would Tommy Lee do?” motto it usually relates to the energy and enthusiasm he bring to all of his interactions. No matter what he is doing, you get the sense that he is having a hell of a good time doing it. Most guys are just TOO BORING. It’s good to have the ability and range to display passion, enthusiasm, energy, and excitement when appropriate. If someone else is being interesting, you can show an appropriate amount of energy and enthusiasm. This also allows you to convey how interesting someone else is as well. When someone else is being boring, you act boring, or bored. By doing this, you get stuck in fewer boring, dead-end conversations. If they do or say something that is interesting to you, then you can show more enthusiasm. For the next few conversations you have with women where you ARE interested in the subject, go ahead and SHOW your enthusiasm! Be energetic in how you speak, how you listen, and how your respond. Go ahead and start using energy and enthusiasm when speaking so that women can become energized and enthusiastic about listening to and being with you. Other Elements of Drawing Women Into Your Conversations In addition to methods listed above for making your conversations more appealing to women, one of the biggest skills that you can learn is the art of storytelling. As we discussed in the previous section, men who can tell a good story will generally always have a
crowd of eager women waiting to hear what they have to say next. Becoming a good story teller is just a matter of practice. The first thing that you need to do is take notes throughout your life of stories that are worth retelling. When something happens, write it down. And later, practice telling the story out loud. Do you remember the scene is Reservoir Dogs where Mr. Orange is practicing his story? You need to bring the same commitment to perfecting a few good stories. By having a few “go to” stories you will feel more confident within conversations, and you will also better develop your skill to do “on the spot” storytelling. 4. Keep things light and fun When I think of the “What would Tommy Lee do?” motto I also think about his ability to keep things on a light and fun level. It is not necessary to be the funniest guy in the room. It is necessary to be the most fun and engaging. You don’t need to be the guy that has everybody constantly laughing… but you should strive to be the guy who constantly has a smile on everyone’s face and always tends to bring out other people’s playful and silly side. If you can do this, you will have no problem drawing women into your conversations. In the next section you’re going to learn how to make a girl laugh.
Section Three: How to Make a Girl Laugh It was only recently I came to realize that making women laugh was completely different than I had previously thought. For the longest time I used to believe that that the same humor that had my friends rolling on the floor in laughter would naturally cause the same reaction in the women I was talking to. Wouldn’t it make sense? Isn’t comedy supposed to be universal? Shouldn’t that be that how to make a girl laugh? But when I really
started to pay attention to what women were laughing at I started to notice; The sarcastic wit that made me a hit around most of my guy friends very seldom got positive reactions around women. Some of the guys I knew who had the lamest, most childish humor, often seemed to get the best reaction of women.Women very rarely judged the originality and cleverness of humor the way my guy friends did. So what do women find funny? About four years ago I really started to get serious about trying to figure out what I was doing wrong with my interactions with women. It was at this point that I came across a book that taught the concept of cocky and funny. The concept made a lot of sense, so I tweaked my humor, and started interacting with women in this new, different manner. Having misunderstood the advice contained within the book, I set out to basically bully women into liking me. I used sharp sarcasm and ironic wit to often humiliate women. The worst thing that happened to me was that I actually found several girls that just ate this shit up. These few women loved it. And I took it as sign that this was the correct way to make women laugh, so I proceeded to use this same humor on every woman I met. And failed miserably. What I hadn’t realized was that the few girls that seemed to really enjoy this sarcastic humor, while attractive, were somewhat of tomboys with a masculine energy that didn’t represent the rest of the female population. I was about to give up. Then one day I just sat there and watched my friend Will interact with women. Will had always been somewhat of a natural with
women. I could never understand it as I found his humor silly and childish… and he rarely said anything that would have any of my male friends laughing. As I watched him, I began to pay more attention to the way women were reacting to him. The women that were surrounding him had a permanent smile on their faces. While they were never rolling on the floor laughing, they were constantly in a state of playfulness and fun. Now curious, I began to hone in on exactly what he was doing. As I listened I found that he was interacting with them the same way a fourth grade boy would interact with a fourth grade girl on the playground.There was no ground breaking humor.
Instead there was constant silliness. He was perpetually teasing them. He was making funny faces. Using his voice to tell stories in a way that reminded me of an over energized nine year old telling the story of how he beat up the town bully. There was an endless barrage of only mildly amusing jokes, goofy movie quotes, and shameless physical flirting. But the girls were eating it up. It was right then that I came to realize that women don’t want funny. They want fun. I had always concentrated so hard on finding those perfect one-liners that would pronounce me the king of comedy and have my audience amazed at my originality and wit, that I forgot who my audience was. Women aren’t that funny. Women don’t really care about original, witty, and sharp humor. Women want to have fun. They don’t want
to have to think. And if your jokes are making them think too much, you’re probably taking them out of the moment. A simple process for having fun with women If you’re a guy having trouble making women laugh, then your first step is to look around and pay attention to what they are actually laughing at.You’ll see that they much rather watch silly romantic comedies than the witty indie dark comedies that win all the awards. You’ll see that they don’t care much about the originality of your jokes, and in fact they are more likely to laugh at you repeating a knock knock joke you heard in the sixth grade than whatever sarcastic remark that pops into your mind. You’ll see that women don’t appreciate the concept of “cool” the way men do. Women would rather you take the stick out of your ass and act in a fun silly way than stand around like you’re a big shot. Playground humor never gets old. Never. Women want you be around a guy that allows them to have fun. The next time that you are out with a woman and engaged in a conversation with her, make it a priority to take the conversation back to the playground. As you are talking to her, imagine that the two of you are a couple of nine year olds on the playground during recess of school. Begin acting in a manner congruent to this. Use things like the “Mouse race” With the mouth race you take a pen and tell the woman that: Three mice are having a race, a blind mouse, and dumb mouse, and a deaf mouse. You put the men pen to arm and say “here is the blind mouse, tell him when to stop” and you start drawing. She’ll say stop right away. Then you say “here is the dumb mouse,
tell him when to stop” and you start drawing. She’ll say stop right away. Then you say “here is the deaf mouse, tell him when to stop” and you start drawing. This time when she says stop you keep drawing. She’ll say stop again. And you’ll keep drawing. If she doesn’t get it… look at her and say “he’s deaf, he can’t hear you.” And keep drawing. By now you’ve drawn a line up her arm. This is something completely stupid. Something that was funny in 2nd grade. But for some reason, it’s funny all over again. It’s always good to have a few of these little games ready. You never want to do more than a couple of them as they will get old. But by doing a one or two you show the girl that you’re the kind of guy that doesn’t take himself too seriously and who she can have fun around. She’ll appreciate that a lot more than that witty ironic observation you spent an hour perfecting the joke in your mind. Remember, take her back to the playground.
Section Four: Flirting Tips for “Unfunny” Guys So in the last section we talked a bit about what kind of humor attract women. But I always get the question “what if I’m just not naturally funny?” Let’s face something; Not all of us are funny. Sure, we pull off some one liner that impresses our friends from time to time, and occasionally we just “click” with a woman and have her laughing hysterically, but most of the time our sense of humor is just “average”… at best. So what do we do most of the time? If you’re like I was, then maybe you drag yourself out to a bar… and PRAY.I would pray that I was “on” or that I would stumble upon a girl I just connected with instantly so that I could avoid that anxious feeling I got when
I searched my mind for something funny to say and came up BLANK.Yes, more times than not, I just couldn’t seem to find those perfect lines that some guys seem to possess for just about any situation. And I couldn’t figure out how to transition into that “playground humor” I talked about in the last section. Maybe you had a friend like my buddy Leo. You introduce Leo to ANYBODY and within minutes he he’ll have them cracking up. He knew exactly how to flirt. Girls could say ANYTHING to Leo, and he’d find a way to turn it into something they could share a laugh over.Even as they were saying “you’re such an asshole…” they had been smiles plastered on their faces. For years… I wanted to be Leo. Then I came to a stark, depressing, and then ultimately liberating realization:I would never be Leo. I would never possess a mind that ALWAYS has some funny remark to make. My mind just didn’t work that way. And the more I tried to force it the more BORING I became. So I stopped forcing it. Here is something I learned as began to pay attention to more and more men who were successful with women: Most of them aren’t that funny. Most of them have an average sense of humor just like you and me. The difference is they don’t depend on being “funny” to flirt with women. They naturally understood something that took me years to figure out;flirting isn’t being “funny.” Flirting is communicating with a woman in a “sexual” way. And there are DOZENS of ways to do this.
In fact, a whole lot of “sexual communication” can take place without you ever even opening your mouth. Smiling at a woman at just the right moment is flirting. Letting a woman catch you checking her out is flirting Winking at a woman right in middle of her telling you off… is flirting In fact, 3 of the biggest factors in flirting have absolutely nothing to do with what comes out of your mouth. I still remember the night this clicked for me.I realized that a subtle glance, at just the right moment, says more than any words possibly could. Let me tell you a story that demonstrates some of these flirting tips. I was standing near behind an extremely hot woman waiting to order a drink. She was sipping a mixed drink from astraw. Something made her laugh and she blew into the glass and the drink poured out. I wanted to talk to this girl so I desperately searched my mind for something witty to say. I drew a blank.So instead of forcing something unfunny or awkward, I waited for the exact moment she looked up at me and our eyes met, and simply shook my head back and forth and gave her one those looks that says “Can’t take you anywhere.” She then turned to her friends and started chatting with them. I squeezed in to order my drink. My mind, still trained to make the same mistakes I talked about earlier, is now racing to find something funny to follow up with. While the bartender was handing me my drink, one of her friends turned and asked me some question. I then turned into the group
of three girls. I said something that made the group laugh. I then caught eyes with the one I was interested in and gave her subtle look that said “don’t spill it this time.” The girl was a little tipsy. Not stupid drunk, but buzzed enough to know she was a little drunk. Later in the conversation she starts telling me a story about something that had happened to her the night before. She is excited about the story and talking quite fast. She trips over a word or two. I then give her a look similar to the Rock’s eyebrow raise. Not a blatant eye brow raise, but a look that says “you lost me sweetie.” She then slapped my chest and said “stop it” And its on. What I learned during that interaction was that flirting is just as much non-verbal as it is verbal. 3 Key Flirting Tips With Women There were three key factors I discovered about how to flirt that night that quickly took my game to the next level. And I want to share these flirting tips with you: Timing Subtleness Facial expressions and glances Every interaction has a beat. And once you learn to get in tune with the beat of an interaction, your social intelligence will appear to sky rocket. The great stand-upcomedians have mastered the art of timing. Rent videos of some of the all-time greats… and study how they use timing. When the woman at the bar spilled her drink I waited for the right moment. I didn’t rush to make a comment, making my interest too apparent. And I didn’t wait until later to use it as a joke. I simply
waited for the inevitable moment that our eyes met, and subtly shook my head. She smiled. And the dance began. I hope by reading this you’re encouraged to go out there and create these “sexual communications” with women, without waiting for the perfect thing to say. Flirting with women is a skill you must learn if you want to seduce them. But, there are more than one ways to skin a cat. These are some of the best flirting tips I can give you. I highly recommend you check out Make Small Talk Sexy (www.makesmalltalkexy.com) where I give further flirting tips, and give many verbal ways to have more fun, flirtatious, and sexual conversations with women. It will give you a crash course education in how to flirt. Now when you talk to a woman in a way that attracts her you’ll begin to notice that women will: Make excuses to keep talking to you Touch you more (putting her hand under your shirt, or feeling your muscles) Getting jealous when you talk to other girls Laughing at your jokes (even the ones that aren’t that funny) Leaning in and grinding up against you The one thing I want to leave you with is: Learning how to flirt and get good with girls, so that you can attract them, get the kiss, get them back to your bedroom and close the deal… it’s easier than you think.
Section Five: Turn Your Nervousness Around Women into Sexual Electricity
Throughout high school and into my first semester of college I was absolutely paralyzed by my fear of talking to beautiful women.The minute I sensed an interaction coming, I would tense up, my mouth would dry, my voice would crack, and I would feel my body visibly shaking. I began to fear this reaction so much that I completely avoided talking with any women. Heck, even merely thinking about approaching a woman brought about this paralyzing reaction. As I became determined to get better with women I thought the solution was to completely eliminate this nervousness and fear. I tried various forms of affirmations, nlp, self-hypnosis, and visualizations. But none of this seemed to work. In fact, the only thing that ever provided me the courage to chat up a woman was drinking, lots of drinking. Unfortunately, while drinking gave me the courage to approach, by the time that courage arrived, I had lost most of my ability to hold a conversation without making a complete jackass out of myself. Around the same time I was battling this approach anxiety with women, I was quickly conquering a lifelong “stage fright” I had about performing in front of large groups of people. I was in a fraternity at college, and we routinely performed a homecoming skit in front of an audience containing several thousand people every year. Our skit had a long reputation as being the “show stealer” and we always had a pressure to perform. I came to realize something after performing a major role in two of the skits. The realization was that on game day, in front of the thousands of people, with all the pressure on… we actually performed at a much higher level.
Yes, the actual performance ALWAYS came off many times better than our rehearsals that we did in private.This is not a phenomenon isolated to us, in fact; musicians, actors, public speakers, and athletes often talk about “Game Day Performance” always out performing their practice sessions. These same musicians, actors, public speakers, and athletes routinely talk about how the pressure elevates them to a higher level, and how the fear turns into an adrenaline rush that ignites an almost zen like state. And how they feed off the energy of the crowd. During my times performing in front of thousands of people at MSU I came to understand what they meant by that. Feeding off the energy of a woman It was also during the same period that I came to realize something else in regards to nervousness with women: If you completely lose your nervousness around a woman, you also lose the sexual tension, the excitement, the desire to perform, and a bit of your mojo.Yes, after clawing and fighting my way into several relationships during college, I quickly learned that oncethat nervousness around a woman fades, so does my excitement to interact with her. And not only does my excitement diminish, but so does my performance. When there is no pressure, no fear, and no nervousness, I find that I am much less often “on.” My jokes aren’t as funny. I am much less charismatic. And the sexual tension is completely zapped from the room. You hear the same story from the athletes, musicians, and public speakers. Many of them will declare how once they become too comfortable their performance diminishes. It loses the spark that harbored all the passion and energy. The key to overcoming your nervousness around women is NOT to completely eliminate it. No, complete elimination of your fear
would probably kill your mojo and prevent you from performing at a peak level. Instead, you want to turn that nervousness into sexual electricity. Earlier in this section I talked about the symptoms of nervousness around women. These symptoms include; dry mouth, tenseness, fidgetiness, shaking, and cracking of the voice. These symptoms don’t come from the nervousness itself. These symptoms come from the surprise the nervousness causes your body. When you jump into a new state, and fear arises unexpectedly, your body responds with these symptoms. It is a gut level reaction. And in order to overcome this anxiety, you must learn how to change the symptoms of the nervousness. And not the nervousness itself. How to turn fear into sexual electricity Every time my fraternity stepped in front of the crowd of thousands to perform our homecoming skit we were all full of fear and nervousness. But we were ready for it… And because we were ready for it we were able to transmute that fear into energy. Here is how we did it. The day of the parade we would thrive on the adrenaline that was pumping through our veins. We became social animals. We would march through campus sucking up the adulation and energy of the many people asking us if we were ready to perform.The more people that we talked to, the more pressure that mounted, the further and further we went into our zen like state.That nervous energy became energy to exceed all expectations. It became energy to top last year’s performance. And it became so intense that we were operating at a completely different plane of existence.
This is what you must learn to do with women. First, feel and acknowledge the nervousness and fear. Now it is no longer a surprise making it much less likely that the really damaging symptoms will occur.Next, embrace the fear and nervousness. This fear should make you swell up with adrenaline that you are alive and filled with the capability to live outside your comfort zone- and the excitement of knowing that you are about to experience something new.Remember, you no longer feel this fear and nervousness around women you’re no longer attracted to… and trust me, when it’s gone, you’ll do anything to get it back. Now, ignite the energy by elevating yourself to the next level socially. Get outside your head, and begin sucking in the energy of everyone around you. As you suck in their energy make it a point to give back just as much energy as you take. It is at this point that the sexual electricity should begin flowing through your veins. Finally, engage in conversations with women that most excite you. And begin to share that sexual electricity with them.You’ll find that not all women will be receptive you this electricity, but in your heightened state you just need to find the few that are. And sparks will fly. Additional Resources Free: Switch a Few “Words” to Ignite Attraction video Here is a video that talks about how you can switch a few words you use to create more attraction in a woman. http://www.makesmalltalksexy.com/ce Free: Magnetic Messaging video I also put together a brand new free video where I reveal how you can use three simple text messages to turn a woman on, and get her out on a date.
http://textingagirl.com/video/
