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Blackdragon Letting Women Get To You - Getting Upset At Their Behaviors I've seen a number o threads latel! "ith a similar theme# I am not talking about one speci$c poster###I've seen at least our separate posters do something like this latel!# The threads generall! go like this% OP: I have this problem with this girl (or girls) and it really makes me mad! Posters Respond: Next, or ignore or three weeks, or "k someone else, or similar# OP: $eah, $eah, I know I%m spposed to do that and I don%t have oneitis bt I don%t want to that be"ase this really makes me mad! &hat I think I shold do is 'some variation o stay involved# his st* +st pisses me o* sometimes!
A e" things about anger% 1. Anger is outcome dependence. This is bad# Yes& I realie there is a gro"ing movement o gu!s "ho thinks outcome independence is someho" bad or "rong# These men are mistaken# There is nothing good about outcome dependence in these conte(ts& and there is nothing good about anger in these situations either#
I !ou reall! didn't give a shit& i !ou reall! didn't have oneitis& i !ou reall! are ucking lots o other girls "ho are as hot or hotter and as cool or cooler than the one )or ones* !ou're talking about& then trust me& !ou "ould not be mad at all# You "ould +ust snort& roll !our e!es& and get back to !our lie& !our ,ission& andor !our other "omen# You can sa! .I'm not like You like that. or .I don't have have oneitis. or .I don't have scarcit! mentalit!. all !ou "ant# The act that !ou're getting angr! means !ou care "a! too much#
2. Anger is drama. This is bad# Yes& there are indeed some posters on these orums "ho love verbaliation& love rules& and love drama )though the! "on't admit this*# /eel ree to take their advice i !ou "ish# But i !ou "ant to be a happ! person living a happ!& harmonious lie& anger should onl! be something that occurs ver! rarel!& and even then onl! "hen something trul! dreadul happens#
I've used this e(ample beore but I'll use it again because it so apropos# The last time I "as actuall! angr!& "here I "as upset and raising m! voice in anger& "as about 01 or 02 !ears ago "hen m! house "as robbed and m! amil! "as terri$ed# That's right& 01 or 02 !ears ago# And notice "hat it took to get me angr!# A thie breaking into m! home& stealing thousands o dollars
"orth o m! stu3& and terri!ing m! "ie at the time and m! small children# children# )There ma! have been one or t"o incidents during m! divorce "here I raised m! voice too###but even "ith those !ou still have to go back a ull 4 or 5 !ears#* Are !ou getting m! point6 I !ou get angr! because some "oman blo"s !ou o3 or one o !our /Bs,LT7s /Bs,LT7s does something stupid or conusing& !ou reall! have some inner game to "ork on# I'm not kidding# 7emember this 8uote% Y 7emember You ou can tell the size of the the man by the size of the things that make him mad.
3. Anger is often an indication of a lack of a strong life Mission. We are men# ,en& at least happ! men& need ,issions# When !ou have a clearl! de$ned& strongl! compelling& deepl! e(citing e(citing ,ission in !our lie& it's usuall! harder to get mad at the small stu3#
I !ou don't have a ,ission& spend some time and $nd one# I'll admit this isn't al"a!s eas!# But neither is getting mad all the time#
4. Anger simply s imply a mutated version of fear. fear. I ull! agree "ith the ps!chologists "ho assert that all negative emotions stem rom ear# This includes anger# I !ou're angr!& !ou're not actuall! angr!###!ou're araid#
Whenever !ou get mad& pause& take a e" deep breaths& and ask !oursel& .What am I araid o6. You ma! be surprised to $nd that the person or persons !ou're mad at have nothing to do "ith the real reasons !ou eel angr!#
. Anger in the !oman"side of your life is almost al!ays the result of about a perceived lack of options. This means that i !ou're pissed about something a "oman is doing& it's because !ou've got some scarcit! mentalit!& some"here& on some level#
.9o I don't: I uck lots o chicks and I'm "orking on like 2 other "omen right no":. Yes& !ou do# While I commend Yes& commend !our actions& actions& mentall! !ou still eel like "hat !ou have is not enough# You need to come to a complete stop and evaluate "h! this is# A e" possibilities might be% 0# You ma! think the "omen !ou have aren't ver! high 8ualit!# ;# You ma! think the odds o actuall! la!ing the current "omen !ou're "orking on is lo"# 1# You ma! have .mini-oneitis.& thinking that the "oman !ou're currentl! mad about is !our .best. one& and it "ould be time-consuming andor di
"orth o m! stu3& and terri!ing m! "ie at the time and m! small children# children# )There ma! have been one or t"o incidents during m! divorce "here I raised m! voice too###but even "ith those !ou still have to go back a ull 4 or 5 !ears#* Are !ou getting m! point6 I !ou get angr! because some "oman blo"s !ou o3 or one o !our /Bs,LT7s /Bs,LT7s does something stupid or conusing& !ou reall! have some inner game to "ork on# I'm not kidding# 7emember this 8uote% Y 7emember You ou can tell the size of the the man by the size of the things that make him mad.
3. Anger is often an indication of a lack of a strong life Mission. We are men# ,en& at least happ! men& need ,issions# When !ou have a clearl! de$ned& strongl! compelling& deepl! e(citing e(citing ,ission in !our lie& it's usuall! harder to get mad at the small stu3#
I !ou don't have a ,ission& spend some time and $nd one# I'll admit this isn't al"a!s eas!# But neither is getting mad all the time#
4. Anger simply s imply a mutated version of fear. fear. I ull! agree "ith the ps!chologists "ho assert that all negative emotions stem rom ear# This includes anger# I !ou're angr!& !ou're not actuall! angr!###!ou're araid#
Whenever !ou get mad& pause& take a e" deep breaths& and ask !oursel& .What am I araid o6. You ma! be surprised to $nd that the person or persons !ou're mad at have nothing to do "ith the real reasons !ou eel angr!#
. Anger in the !oman"side of your life is almost al!ays the result of about a perceived lack of options. This means that i !ou're pissed about something a "oman is doing& it's because !ou've got some scarcit! mentalit!& some"here& on some level#
.9o I don't: I uck lots o chicks and I'm "orking on like 2 other "omen right no":. Yes& !ou do# While I commend Yes& commend !our actions& actions& mentall! !ou still eel like "hat !ou have is not enough# You need to come to a complete stop and evaluate "h! this is# A e" possibilities might be% 0# You ma! think the "omen !ou have aren't ver! high 8ualit!# ;# You ma! think the odds o actuall! la!ing the current "omen !ou're "orking on is lo"# 1# You ma! have .mini-oneitis.& thinking that the "oman !ou're currentl! mad about is !our .best. one& and it "ould be time-consuming andor di
"hat it is# Lastl!& +ust to o3set an ob+ection I kno" I'm going to get% I realie that more emotional gu!s are going to be angr! more oten and get pissed o3 more easil! than men "ith more even-keel& even-keel& rational personalities# I also kno" that men raised b! single mothers& or ver! bitch! mothers& or ver! "eak athers are going to be more prone to losing their cool "hen it comes to "omen# I completel! get this and I ull! understand# That still doesn't mean !ou can use !our personalit! or upbringing as an e(cuse or the rest o !our lie# All o us have our o"n "eaknesses and ailings# I certainl! have man!# But a man's goal should be to improve these areas& not make e(cuses or them and thro" their arms in the air in surrender ever! time the! get upset# The ne(t time time a "oman does does something that that makes makes !ou mad& remember remember this post#
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?9Y@ Anger is ego )I go "ith the Buddhists on this one rather than the ps!chologists*# It's not enough to kno" !ou're right& !ou have to hear her say her say it# It it# It drives !ou nuts or !our right-ness to go unackno"ledged# That's +ust stupid pride# When !ou let a "oman drive !ou nuts& it's because !ou can't bear the idea that she's giving !ou shit& "hich must mean she doesn't ackno"ledge !our alpha pla!erness# Gu!s "ill oten blo" themselves out oolishl! attempting to assert dominance& "hen the!'d get urther b! "alking a"a! and letting her catch up# You're right to argue& You're argue& angril! angril! even& i there's something something on the line line - a proessional dispute that can a3ect !our pro$t or !our career tra+ector!& or e(ample# ,ost o the time there's nothing like that on the line& "hether !ou're arguing "ith a "oman or& ahem& someone on an internet discussion discussion board# ,ost o the time it's +ust t"o idiots in a pissing contest "ith no prie# When I see that a ruitless argument is escalating escalating - "hen there's nothing I stand to gain or lose e(cept imaginar! imaginar! points or being right - I'll +ust go& .k& "hatever. and take m! attention else"here# It's "orked wonders wonders or or m! relations "ith "omen#
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tr!hard Thanks or this B?# B?# /ound it reall! valuable %*
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he!lover Women seem to e8uate anger "ith passion& $re& and desire# I've heard several state that I "as lieless and lacked passion "hen I reused to engage in a $er! conrontation# 0; Angr! ,en is a great $lm# The one starring Cenr! /onda#
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Boobadoos Duote%
Originally Posted by hey_lover &omen seem to eate anger with passion, -re, and desire# I%ve heard several state that I was lieless and la"ked passion when I resed to engage in a -ery "onrontation# ./ 0ngry 1en is a great -lm# he one starring 2enry 3onda#
!es it is& I'm going to see the pla! version this "eek& and henr! onda is certainl! an interesting character
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>resent Duote%
Originally Posted by hey_lover
&omen seem to eate anger with passion, -re, and desire# I%ve heard several state that I was lieless and la"ked passion when I resed to engage in a -ery "onrontation#
I am onl! beginning to understand the categor! o reaks& but I'm gonna guess here that the ones "ho said that to !ou "ere reaks "ho live or drama# >assion& to me& is a di3erent thing# It's passion /E7 !our missions& !our art& social +ustice& the breathtaking "onder o se(ual tension# # # That's hot as hell# But having a $er! lover's spat6 That's or the birds# In m! biased opinion& "anting that kind o passion in !our relationships is a sign o mental unbalance# I think Black?ragon and I are in agreement on this# But "ho am I to +udge# ,a!be it's +ust a di3erent Favor# As or ho" to respond to the "omen "ho "ant& or think the! "ant& treetcar 9amed ?esire passions in their lives6 I mean& i !ou "ant to be in se(ual relationship "ith one or more o those "omen6 I am guessing that "hen the! made a bid or a conrontation& the! +ust "anted to eel something& an!thing# You probabl! did indeed go dull& Fat to avoid reinorcing their behavior# 9ot a bad choice& i !ou "ant them to go a"a!# I !ou "ant them around& give them a eeling& an! eeling& and !ou can choose not to allo" it to be anger etc# You can choose to make them laugh instead# To do those things called push-pull and open loops that build suspense& and changing the sub+ect& keeping them on their toes# What do !ou think6
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Corn! This is perect# This is "hat I "ish m! !eak father could have taught me )"ell& he didn't kno" either*# But I guess it's never too late to learn& thank !ou:
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Boobadoos street car named desire& 0; angr! men& present I love !ou& this is the coolest thread on the orum& bt" present& "hilst on this orum& do !ou ever $nd !oursel eeling like blanche to"ards the end o the pla!6
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tr!hard Duote%
Originally Posted by Boobadoos street "ar named desire, ./ angry men, present I love yo, this is the "oolest thread on the orm, btw present, whilst on this orm, do yo ever -nd yorsel eeling like blan"he towards the end o the play4
>lease tr! and sta! on topic# This is a great post rom B? and !ou are derailing the thread# There is a >, unction or 0-;-0 messages#
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animal Duote%
Originally Posted by Blackdragon Remember this ote: You can tell the size of the man by the size of the things that make him mad.
Wo"& nice 8uote and so accurate# I used to ask m!sel in di
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ilvertree
Duote%
Please try and stay on topi"# his is a great post rom 56 and yo are derailing the thread# here is a P1 n"tion or .7/7. messages#
Ce does have a point# This is called Thread+acking# >lease start a ne" post on !our avorite movies# The part about "omen liking passion and instigating drama is illustrative# What "ould !ou girls do "hen !ou get ignored or a e" da!s as a tactic to cut dramatic scenes6 B?'s "omen stop that behavior# It "orks or him# It has "orked or me& and eliminated HH o the stupid $ghts in m! house# In m! book& passion is letting the animal magnetism Fo"& "hich is di3erent rom drama& "hich is starting $ghts over trivialities because !ou need emotional stimulation#
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Boobadoos Duote%
Originally Posted by Blackdragon 4. Anger simply a mutated version of fear. I lly agree with the psy"hologists who assert that all negative emotions stem rom ear# his in"ldes anger# I yo%re angry, yo%re not a"tally angry###yo%re araid# &henever yo get mad, pase, take a ew deep breaths, and ask yorsel, 8&hat am I araid o48 $o may be srprised to -nd that the person or persons yo%re mad at have nothing to do with the real reasons yo eel angry#
Arguabl!& anger is the most direct result o ear# When "e "ere cavemen )and "omen& beore an!bod! calls me a troll* anger "as a useul b!product o ear& increasing stress levels on the bod! as "ell as adrenaline to prepare or a
successul $ght or Fight response# These gu!s "ere running a"a! rom 0= oot bears and huge mammoths####a girl& her e( bo!riend& the gu!sgirls "ho might gossip about !ou because !ou hit on their riend###the! are not huge bears and mammoths# I suggest )and I do this religiousl! other"ise I might turn into a reak! drama 8ueen* beginning some"hat o a pro+ect "hereb! !ou take it one da! at a time to do something e(hilarating and rightening that !ou haven't done beore# Begin "ith little things like smiling at a girl in a co3ee shop& ne(t da! asking her "hat she's reading& then cra! ass ucking her# It's a long +ourne! but perhaps it's "orth it# Interesting article "hich touches on guilt as "ell as ear and ho" it relates to anger% http%"""#ps!cholog!toda!#comblog###-hurt-and-ear
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Boobadoos Duote%
Originally Posted by Silvertree &hat wold yo girls do when yo get ignored or a ew days as a ta"ti" to "t dramati" s"enes4
Wait or the sot ne(t to be over& mean"hile ever! no" and then sending s"eet messages to see i the ice has melted& once it h as& act like nothing happened& cook him his avorite meal& blo" him "ell and uck his brains out#
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Blackdragon Duote%
Originally Posted by DY! 0nger is ego (I go with the 5ddhists on this one rather than the psy"hologists)# It%s not enogh to know yo%re right, yo have to hear her say it#
Great point and I agree# I +ust made a post here about ho" the 9eed! Alpha's goal is to be heard # 7ight on# Duote%
Originally Posted by Boobadoos 0nger stemming rom the need to prote"t pea"e and +sti"e is healthy anger and is ite sexy
>erhaps& but that kind o anger has no place "hatsoever in a se(ual situation or a romantic relationship#
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=--Duote%
Originally Posted by Blackdragon 9astly, +st to o*set an ob+e"tion I know I%m going to get: I realie that more emotional gys are going to be angry more oten and get pissed o* more easily than men with more even7keel, rational personalities# I also know that men raised by single mothers, or very bit"hy mothers, or very weak athers are going to be more prone to losing their "ool when it "omes to women# I "ompletely get this and I lly nderstand# hat still doesn%t mean yo "an se yor personality or pbringing as an ex"se or the rest o yor
lie# 0ll o s have or own weaknesses and ailings# I "ertainly have many# 5t a man%s goal shold be to improve these areas, not make ex"ses or them and throw their arms in the air in srrender every time they get pset#
As a gu! on the more e(treme emotional end o the .emotionalrational. spectrum I "holeheartedl! agree "ith this part especiall!# In act& learning to ne(t has been a ma+or improvement or m! overall "ell-being not or its disciplining e3ect on the other& but or the e3ect it has on m! o"n emotional "orld# I calm do"n& get perspective and approach relationships more maturel!# I ne(t girls& riends& and amil! alike i their behaviour pisses me o3 or upsets me in an! "a!# Then I come back and reengage in a much more peaceul and constructive "a!# I'll still take m! conse8uences i somebod! disappointed me& but in a more thought-through& ."ise. manner# Big at clap or !ou& B?#
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Boobadoos Blackdragon I respect !ou ver! much& think !ou are ver! intelligent& and kno" that !ou can thro" me o3 this orum i !ou eel like it# But !ou have been contradicting "hat !ou sa! as "ell as "hat I sa! each time !ou have 8uoted me# 9o" because !ou are highl! intelligent& I believe !ou're doing this on purpose# As a "oman )I kno" !ou're all thinking 'here "e go'* I $nd gu!s "ith a heroic& humanitarian mission deriving rom anger at in+ustice and the need to protect )note "hen men raught real "ars* ver! JKY# I a gu! had such a mission and is successul at it& then it reFects that he is successul in his societ!environment and this means that he is successul "ith people and& "ell& "omen too# 9o" there are girls out there "ith lo"er sel esteem "ho "ouldn't $nd that attractive# o ma!be m! point doesn't appl!# I posted a video in the general section about m! crush >eter ?ohert! and he has a mission "hich in m! opinion is ver! humanitarian# Cis l!rics are ver! politicall! charged& at times angr! and philosophical# I also personall! think that girls $nd it attractive "hen the! are "ith a gu! "ho is ver! combative and angr! "hen he needs to be& but is al"a!s kind to her# When she does something to anno! him& he doesn't get angr!& merel! sotne(ts or CA7? 9JKT# >s% me "riting this post is an e(ample o constructivel! tackling ear in the ace o adversit!#
Blackdragon's response "ill be an e(ample o ho" not to get angr! )hopeull!* All in all great post Blackdragon:
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thecostosuccess Duote%
Originally Posted by Boobadoos 5la"kdragon I respe"t yo very m"h, think yo are very intelligent, and know that yo "an throw me o* this orm i yo eel like it# 5t yo have been "ontradi"ting what yo say as well as what I say ea"h time yo have oted me# Now be"ase yo are highly intelligent, I believe yo%re doing this on prpose# 0s a woman (I know yo%re all thinking %here we go%) I -nd gys with a heroi", hmanitarian mission deriving rom anger at in+sti"e and the need to prote"t (note when men raght real wars) very ;<=$# I a gy had s"h a mission and is s""essl at it, then it re>e"ts that he is s""essl in his so"iety?environment and this means that he is s""essl with people and, well, women too# Now there are girls ot there with lower sel esteem who woldn%t -nd that attra"tive# ;o maybe my point doesn%t apply# I posted a video in the general se"tion abot my "rsh Peter 6oherty and he has a mission whi"h in my opinion is very hmanitarian# 2is lyri"s are very politi"ally "harged, at times angry and philosophi"al# I also personally think that girls -nd it attra"tive when they are with a gy who is very "ombative and angry when he needs to be, bt is always kind to her# &hen she does something to annoy him, he doesn%t get angry, merely sot?nexts or 20R6 N<=;# Ps: me writing this post is an example o "onstr"tively ta"kling ear in the a"e o adversity# 5la"kdragon%s response will be an example o how not to get angry (hopelly) 0ll in all great post 5la"kdragon!
/ascinating# I imagine its similar to ho" a "oman "ith motivation is more attractive than a la! chick#
I suspect that Boobadoos is talking about "hat "e oten get anno!ed at& people "ith no spine& no instinct to sel improve or be more# I think there are t"o kinds o anger& one that motivates !ou healthil! and one that is pett!# The health! anger is attractive& "hen it turns pett!& not so much# Gu!s need the right kind o gusto to take on challenge other"ise& the! "ill take it on "rong and ail# Duote%
I "ompletely get this and I lly nderstand# hat still doesn%t mean yo "an se yor personality or pbringing as an ex"se or the rest o yor lie# 0ll o s have or own weaknesses and ailings# I "ertainly have many# 5t a man%s goal shold be to improve these areas, not make ex"ses or them and throw their arms in the air in srrender every time they get pset#
)this "as black dragons* Ce's talking about having spine imo# You can't be a "hinging ."oe is me. dude# Thats "hat Boobadoos is kinda getting at too& but rom the outside in# Jdit% This is also a trait that can signal that the gu! likes the girl& rather than being dismissive in a shitt! "a! )such as most re+ections*# It is a better "a! to gain her respect& to have spine& than to tell her !ou like her& cu its kinda a similar thing )in the girls e!es* +ust "ithout neediness#
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Boobadoos Duote%
Originally Posted by thecostofsuccess
3as"inating# I imagine its similar to how a woman with motivation is more attra"tive than a lay "hi"k# I sspe"t that 5oobadoos is talking abot what we oten get annoyed at, people with no spine, no instin"t to sel improve or be more# I think there are two kinds o anger, one that motivates yo healthily and one that is petty# he healthy anger is attra"tive, when it trns petty, not so m"h# @ys need the right kind o gsto to take on "hallenge otherwise, they will take it on wrong and ail#
(this was bla"k dragons) 2e%s talking abot having spine imo# $o "an%t be a whinging 8woe is me8 dde# hats what 5oobadoos is kinda getting at too, bt rom the otside in#
Yes that's "hat I meant
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Blackdragon Duote%
Originally Posted by Boobadoos 5la"kdragon I respe"t yo very m"h, think yo are very intelligent, and know that yo "an throw me o* this orm i yo eel like it#
,! s"eet& !ou can onl! get kicked o3 the orum b! violating the >osting 7ules# There is no posting rule that states .never disagree "ith Blackdragon.# 9o one "ill ever get kicked o3 this orum or disagreeing "ith an!one& especiall! me# )There are several long-time posters on here "ho actuall! hate me andor disagree "ith +ust about ever!thing I sa!# The!'re still there& and "ill sta! here orever as long as the! don't break the >osting 7ules#*
Duote%
5t yo have been "ontradi"ting what yo say as well
>lease tell me e(actl! "here I have contradicted m!sel# Duote%
0s a woman (I know yo%re all thinking %here we go%) I -nd gys with a heroi", hmanitarian mission deriving rom anger at in+sti"e and the need to prote"t (note when men raght real wars) very ;<=$# I a gy had s"h a mission and is s""essl at it, then it re>e"ts that he is s""essl in his so"iety?environment and this means that he is s""essl with people and, well, women too#
I agree# I said& and I 8uote% that kind o anger has no pla"e whatsoever in a sexal sitation or a romanti" relationship# It's an attractive 8ualit! he has& but that is something he is demonstrating outside o his relationship "ith !ou& not in it# Duote%
I also personally think that girls -nd it attra"tive when they are with a gy who is very "ombative and angry when he needs to be, bt is always kind to her#
That's not "hat I'm talking about# I'm talking about men "ho get mad at her# ,oreover and more importantl!& i !ou get into a relationship "ith a gu! "ho .gets combative and angr!. "hen he .needs to be. "ith ever!one e(cept !ou&
it's onl! a matter o time beore he gets combative and angr! at you# To think other"ise "ould be ?isne!#
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thecostosuccess I think she is sa!ing that aggression is good# o or e(ample& gro"ling a bit and being rough %> Er turning to her& and making her reak out because !ou are going to come and get her etc#
he's assuming that !our advice applies to the orepla! aspects etc& "hen it applies to internal rustration# I guess she's assuming that because girls never see the inside o a man's head& so is missing the conte(t#
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hangman I had an interesting experience with "anger" right after my divorce. Three or four women that I was dating told me I seemed angry. Now if it was one chick who said this, I'd have ignored this, but or ! saying the same thing meant something was going on. #lso there is something I have noticed that white chicks generally speaking assume that brown guys always look pissed off $% % &ut I did have some unresolved anger at that time, and I think that feedback was useful for me in the long run. Thankfully, I haven't even had a bit of drama with my girls in the last .( years now. I think it is also because you attract a better )uality person when you are in a better head space. *n related topics+ I am massively guilty of wanting to "make my point", even when sometimes I know for a fact that I am right. I cannot let go, I am a little bitch. uckily it doesn't happen with women, but only with my old buddies when we are arguing about some completely useless philosophical shit. *r when I am debating on ..ummm... a certain online forum $-
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hangman
Duote%
Originally Posted by Blackdragon (here are several long7time posters on here who a"tally hate me and?or disagree with +st abot everything I say# hey%re still there, and will stay here orever as long as they don%t break the Posting Rles#)
,"ahahhaha# ,"aaahahhhahhaha# ,"aaaaaahhaahhhaaaaahhhaa
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ilvertree The truth is& "e put up "ith 8uite a bit that is technicall! against the rules because "e value reedom o speech# We also value people addressing each other in a manner that is respectul and polite# The onl! people "ho have been kicked o3 "ere trolls& spammers& M people "ho posted nearl! all crap# We have tolerated man! "ho are overl! combative and unable to get along "ith others because "e "anted their voices to be heard# I keep hoping that the restraint "e have sho"n in moderation "ill be repaid "ith a bit o restraint in the tone and st!le o the membership's posts# Nust m! ; cents "orth#
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0;-=;-;=01& =4%14 A,
hangman Duote%
Originally Posted by Silvertree
he trth is, we pt p with ite a bit that is te"hni"ally against the rles be"ase we vale reedom o spee"h# &e also vale people addressing ea"h other in a manner that is respe"tl and polite# he only people who have been ki"ked o* were trolls, spammers, A people who posted nearly all "rap# &e have tolerated many who are overly "ombative and nable to get along with others be"ase we wanted their voi"es to be heard# I keep hoping that the restraint we have shown in moderation will be repaid with a bit o restraint in the tone and style o the membership%s posts# Bst my / "ents worth#
I have to go because I am at "ork& but !our e3ort is highl! appreciated# The onl! person that I "as a little rough "ith "as that girl "ho "as being anno!ing on the other thread& she deserved a little slap on the "rist and the mods "eren't doing it& so ma!be I "ent a little vigilante on her ass# %? But apart rom that& even on m! ver! sharp disagreements "ith 9W>& I have tried to pick m! "ords careull!#
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0;-=;-;=01& 0=%=1 A,
Blackdragon Duote%
Originally Posted by Boobadoos Noti"e how yo said (when talking whether woman "an be honest): %No, they "an not# his is why women with a +dgmental, domineering, "ontrol7reak boyriend always end p either "heating on him behind his ba"k or leaving him or good# Needy 0lpha .#Cs do get laid and pll ass, bt have a very hard time getting women to sti"k arond longer than a year or two at best#% ;ee i yo read my "omments I "learly wasn%t talking abot a %+dgental, domineering, "ontrol7reak boyriend% in a"t I was talking abot the opposite#
(his isn%t the other "ontradi"tion, +st another point I want to make, the other "ontradi"tion I will deal with last)
Yeah& that "asn't a contradiction& that "as an illustration# I "asn't contradicting !ou in an! "a!# Duote%
I%m not saying gys need to be "ombative and angry all the time at everybody, +st when it%s ne"essary and at people who deserve it# 3or instan"e my boyriend has never hit me ex"ept or slapping my arse when we%re "king, I honestly don%t think he ever will hrt me, bt i s two go ot or a night ot and some drnk ddes start harassing me then I "an "ont on him to prote"t me#
That's "onderul and absolutel! not "hat I'm talking about# I think "e're +ust talking past each other here# Duote%
;in"e I -nd prote"tive gys attra"tive and sexy, reasons or it are set ot above, how "an it not have no pla"e in a sexal sitation whatsoever4 I mean yo said that the prote"tive anger may be attra"tive to a woman otside the relationship, bt this is still attra"tion and she will still think %wow what a sexy gy%
You're not understanding that being protective does not re8uire being angr! or dramatic# I can be& and have been& ver! protective o m! "omen "ithout getting angr! or dramatic at all# Alpha ;#= J(ample% You're out "ith !our B/ at bar& and a gu! shoves !ou# Your B/ grabs the gu! b! the arm& hard& gives him a piercing stare& and sa!s& .You'd better not shove her again#. The gu! nods& !our B/ nods back and smiles& releases him& and
moves on# That's the end o it# Alpha 0#= J(ample% You're out "ith !our B/ at bar& and a gu! glances at !ou# Your B/ runs up to him& gets in his ace& and screams& .You lookin' at m! girlriend mother ucker:6: The /U@O !ou think !ou're doing666. The sputters and sa!s& .Ce!& sorr!###. and !our B/ interrupts and screams& .The /U@O is "rong "ith !ou6 I'll ucking kill !ou####. Then "e have drama at the bar "ith ever!one& including the gu!'s riends# ,! guess is !ou'd probabl! think both o the above "ould be attractive at least a little# ,! point is that the second gu! is behaving ver!& ver! poorl!& and not taking an! o the advice I gave in the E># The second gu! is doing anger and drama# Both o "hich are bad# The $rst gu! is doing neither anger or drama# Ce's +ust protecting his girl& "hich doesn't re8uire either# Duote%
Originally Posted by thecostofsuccess I think she is saying that aggression is good# ;o or example, growling a bit and being rogh :P Or trning to her, and making her reak ot be"ase yo are going to "ome and get her et"# ;he%s assming that yor advi"e applies to the oreplay aspe"ts et", when it applies to internal rstration# I gess she%s assming that be"ase girls never see the inside o a man%s head, so is missing the "ontext#
Yeah I think !ou're right# I think it's +ust a slight di3erence in conte(t#
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0;-=;-;=01& 0=%=4 A,
donkaktus Duote%
Originally Posted by thecostofsuccess 3as"inating# I imagine its similar to how a woman with motivation is more attra"tive than a lay "hi"k# I sspe"t that 5oobadoos is talking abot what we oten get annoyed at, people with no spine, no instin"t to sel improve or be more# I think there are two kinds o anger, one that motivates yo healthily and one that is petty# he healthy anger is attra"tive, when it trns petty, not so m"h# @ys need the right kind o gsto to take on "hallenge otherwise, they will take it on wrong and ail#
I totall! agree "ith that### it's sort o a .$re in the bell!. thing& not a .lemme get angr! because it's raining toda!. thing# I have a co"orker "ho is one o these spineless "hiners& and I reall! can't stand him# I treat him badl!& "hich is )I admit* less than noble& but damn### Ce brings out the "orst in me# With some other gu!s "ho are need! alphas )even "hin! need! alphas* I get along $ne& cause at least the!'re tr!ing# An!"a!& I love the part that sa!s .You can +udge the sie o the man b! the sie o the things that make him angr!#. I'm going to remember that# Thanks B?:
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0;-=;-;=01& 0=%1 A,
Assman Duote%
Originally Posted by Blackdragon $o%re not nderstanding that being prote"tive does not reire being angry or dramati"# I "an be, and have been, very prote"tive o my women withot getting angry or dramati" at all#
I'll add m! perspective and leave it up to ladies choice to decide on "hat resonates closest to the real "orld# Duote%
Originally Posted by Blackdragon 0lpha /#C
This is straight up classic alpha male dominating rom a place o sel-respect# Beore !ou give me shit I have alread! posted the e(act same advice a month ago on another thread# Duote%
0lpha .#C
This is overcompensating beta male tr!ing to dominate rom a place o insecurit!# Women "ill agree that this behaviour is repulsive even i it Fatters her ego she "ill lose respect or him due to lack o sel-control thus not Alpha ,ale behaviour#
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0;-=;-;=01& 0=%; A,
A0H5= Great post B?
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0;-=;-;=01& =0%= >,
Ebe!K This "hole thread "as ver! helpul& Good posts rom B? and ever!one# Appreciate it#
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0;-=;-;=01& =;%1 >,
Tortuga I agree "ith ever!one that this has been a ver! helpul thread# Call o /ame6
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0;-=;-;=01& =%1H >,
>resent Duote%
Originally Posted by Silvertree 2e does have a point# his is "alled hread+a"king# Please start a new post on yor avorite movies# he part abot women liking passion and instigating drama is illstrative# &hat wold yo girls do when yo get ignored or a ew days as a ta"ti" to "t dramati" s"enes4 56%s women stop that behavior# It works or him# It has worked or me, and eliminated GGH o the stpid -ghts in my hose# In my book, passion is letting the animal magnetism >ow, whi"h is di*erent rom drama, whi"h is starting -ghts over trivialities be"ase yo need emotional stimlation#
ilvertree& I heard !ou "hen !ou said !ou learned some things about se( or relationships rom "omen in !our earl! lie# I hope to be open to learning rom menP that's "h! I'm here# I T7Y to add valuable things on this orum& and I tr! to speak rom m! e(perience rather than ONing# I'm not sure I have a valuable ans"er or this current 8uestion o "hat happens "hen a man ignores me to cut do"n on drama& because I haven't done drama in a long time# I don't !ell# I don't have much reason to !ellP men are treating me "onderull!# I +ust thank m! partners and tell them "hat is great about our interactions# In the badder older da!s& "hen I got into a $ght& I tended to talk .logicall!. about "h! he "as all "rong to do K or Y& and then he "ould talk or !ell back& and then I "as the one "ho gave the silent treatment# 9ot a true ne(t in an! sense o the "ord# ,a!be "e should distinguish on this orum bet"een true ne(ting and manipulative resentul silent-treating# In an! case& silent treatment and smoldering resentment UJ? to be m! go-to& and so I don't remember being ne(ted# I don't remember sa!ing& .You're not pa!ing attention to me:. I do remember asking or "hat I "anted or needed or thought I needed& and getting told& .!es& I "ill do that&. and repeatedl! not having ollo"-thru# That also "asn't a useul response on m! partner's part either#
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0;-=;-;=01& =%20 >,
!l!a Duote%
Originally Posted by Blackdragon @reat point and I agree# I +st made a post here abot how the Needy 0lpha%s goal is to be heard # Right on#
This is m! biggest sticking point these da!s# It's the "hole 'being right isn't enough' thing# I don't "ant to control )the other primar! ob+ective in !our other post* "hich means I'm hal"a! there& but I CATJ not being heard or listened to# And it's not even the "hole ignoring thing - I simpl! ignore in return& it's "hen !ou sa! something but nothing changes# I kno" it's o bviousl! a "eakness& and one that I should "ork to resolve& but I +ust have no idea ho" to at this stage#
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0;-=;-;=01& =4%; >,
Nimm!@honga Duote%
Originally Posted by zylya ##It%s the whole %being right isn%t enogh% thing###I 20< not being heard or listened to#
I onl! became a"are o it recentl! - ho" important it is to or me to .be heard.# its interesting& I dont think I remember reading about that behavior previous to this post# an!"a!s - I have thought about it beore& and here is m! take# Ene aspect o the eeling o a need to .be heard. )or me* is losing sight o m! o"n center o gravit!# I have a habit o attaching to thoughts and letting them drive me& I get lost in the "eeds o thought tangents )ma!be not even m! o"n* and since I do not have a oot in m! o"n realit! I am out o tune "ith m! o"n sel-interests# i I "ere in tune then I could see .this conversation doesnt serve me. or ."alk a"a!. or "hatever it is# instead I am grasping or something solid to stand on# Another reason "h! I am pulled to .being heard. seems to be a desire to not have people pissed o3 at me unairl!# im not sure i its a moral or ethical thing# I "ant to "ork things out& to .process.# I eel I am right& and I need the other person to hear m! side o the stor!# I am open to hearing "hat the! have to sa! and ho" the! see it# Lets "ork through it so "e could all get along and be riends& or at least not part "a!s on bad terms# I guess it sounds like I havent internalied the idea that .!ou cant please ever!one.# Duote%
Originally Posted by Blackdragon You can tell the size of the man by the size of the things that make him mad.
!es& I too have a sot spot or simple& elegant solutions %* Im curious tho# suppose one man has his lie seemingl! together& smile!& emotionall! stable& etc# but interacting "ith one certain amil! member drives him nuts& literall! in minutes there is uncontrolled rage# is that a big rock )http%"""#appleseeds#orgBig-7ocks@ove!#htm*6 "ho does the +udging6 another e(ample - a gu! "ho gre" up in a religious environment& super strict and ver! se(uall! conservative and "orks himsel to a place "here he is EO "ith premarital se(& anal se(& even considers non-monogam!& and no longer sold on traditional marriage# compare that to a natural born in ,iami or 9Y@ "ho& on top o the above characteristics& also has a e" /Bs in rotation# it ma! be argued that the $rst gu! "ould have more things .make him mad.& but "hich man "as more courageous& "hich man traveled arther6 point is - I am not sure ho" the 8uote is a scalable tool rom one person to the ne(t# Im not even sure ho" its a useul tool or me - I have m! o"n e(perience to compare "ith& and it ma! not be su
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0;-=;-;=01& 00%0 >,
Blackdragon Duote%
Originally Posted by "immy!honga whi"h man traveled arther4 point is 7 I am not sre how the ote is a s"alable tool rom one person to the next# Im not even sre how its a sel tool or me 7 I have my own experien"e to "ompare with, and it may not be s"ient to appropriately +dge another with#
The 8uestion is not .Which man traveled ather6. That's completel! irrelevant# As ?an Oenned! sa!s& "hen !ou deposit a big check& the bank doesn't ask !ou ho" hard !ou "orked or that check& then and reuses to deposit it i !ou didn't "ork ..hard enough. or the mone!# You get the mone!& period& no matter ho" hard or ho" eas! the mone! came to !ou# The 8uestion is .Which man is happier6. Long-term consistent happiness is the goal above all others# At least in m! "orld#
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0;-=;-;=01& 00%2 >,
Nimm!@honga I think that this post about anger is on the "hole insightul and ver! valuable# thank !ou or "riting it# I should have lead "ith that in m! $rst comment& but ill slip it in no"# Duote%
Originally Posted by Blackdragon he estion is not 8&hi"h man traveled ather48 hat%s "ompletely irrelevant# 0s 6an Fennedy says, when yo deposit a big "he"k, the bank doesn%t ask yo how hard yo worked or that "he"k, then and reses to deposit it i yo didn%t work 88hard enogh8 or the money# $o get the money, period, no matter how hard or how easy the money "ame to yo# he estion is 8&hi"h man is happier48 9ong7term "onsistent happiness is the goal above all others# 0t least in my world#
Im not sure this analog! is accurate# Its like i I meet a gu! at a bar and need to sie him up 8uickl! or a $ght& in that moment# thats "hat it sounds like to me# can a man deposit Q== into a bank account6 sure& in that instant !es& and nobod! cares "here it came rom# But thats not "hat "e are talking about& at least I think "e arent# What I think "e are talking about is a more holistic .siing a gu! up. )##and !ou urther conte(tualie that in a "a! to gear things to determine long-term consistent happiness*# in the "ords o !our analog! - that "ould entail kno"ing his bank balance at the time o deposit& as "ell as seeing his bank histor!& understanding the re8uenc! o deposits and "ithdra"ls# is the graph o his net "orth moving .up and to the right.& and at "hat rate6 to translate that back into the terms o m! analog! - on a given da! t"o gu!s make identical deposits into their accounts& resulting in identical balances# Co"ever& bank records sho" one o the gu!s opened the account ; !ears ago "ith 0==O deposit rom his dad# "hich man let to his o"n devices do !ou think "ill have more mone! in the account ; !ears do"n the road6
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0;-=1-;=01& 0;%=; A,
tr!hard
Duote%
Originally Posted by "immy!honga &hat I think we are talking abot is a more holisti" 8siing a gy p8
You are getting too theoretical# What matters to a "oman is "ho !ou are 9EW# I !ou are total nutcase& but used to be so much "orse& !ou aren't gonna get e(tra credit# There are loads o gu!s "ho are normal 9EW - a "oman "ith options "ill choose one o them# God can +udge ho" ar !ou've come# Cumans live in the here and no"# Lie is unair# ome people have had to come much urther than others#
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0;-=1-;=01& 0;%;H A,
Nimm!@honga Duote%
Originally Posted by tryhard ##&hat matters to a woman is who yo are NO&# I yo are total nt"ase, bt sed to be so m"h worse, yo aren%t gonna get extra "redit# here are loads o gys who are normal NO& 7 a woman with options will "hoose one o them##
sure& all true& but its outside the scope o "hat is being discussed& "e arent talking about ho" "omen reason things out# the E> pertains to inner game "ork around male anger# the 8uote deviates rom inner game a bit& bust still totall! nothing to do "ith ho" "omen go about things# Aside rom ver! e" "omen& e(ceptions to the rule& most "ouldnt think t"ice about a statement like .!ou can tell the sie o a man b! sie o the things "hich make him mad.& let alone use it as a tool in their lives# #$%&% I have been thinking about this some more# I am no" less certain than I previousl! "as about ho" "omen operate in this regard# a number o !ears
ago I "as in a relationship "ith a "oman "ho purposel! made me angr! as a strateg!# not little shit tests about "hat anno!s and irritates me& but reall! "orking me up into a !elling red-aced rage )"hich is extremely uncommon or me*# I caught onto it and called her out on it& and she said something along the lines o .ho" else am I supposed to $gure out !our buttons.# nevermind ho" the situation got to that point& ho" it "as handled& or ho" she learned to do that# point is - on some levels she kne" to do it# I have not had the e(perience some others have "ith the number o relationships& as "ell as the cultural diversit! o "omen& so its possible this is more common than I initiall! thought )eedback "elcome on that##* regardless& the 8uote applies to me in one o t"o possible "a!s# the $rst is to +udge m!sel# the second - and this is "hat I am sa!ing I have a problem "ith is a method to +udge other men# its possible I am building up a stra" man& but that is m! read o the intention o the 8uote#
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0;-=1-;=01& =2%0H >,
tr!hard Duote%
Originally Posted by "immy!honga 0side rom very ew women, ex"eptions to the rle, most woldnt think twi"e abot a statement like 8yo "an tell the sie o a man by sie o the things whi"h make him mad8, let alone se it as a tool in their lives#
I think !ou are approaching this rom the "rong angle# It doesn't matter "hat "omen consciousl! think about# It matters ho" the! respond# I believe the "omen in B?'s lie respond in a "a! that brings him happiness because he tries to embod! this rule# Ce d oesn't get involved in drama& he e(ecutes a calm ne(t# This is +ust one e(ample# And this e(ample leads into another point he makes about having options# Ene o the main bene$ts o a ne(t is it gives !ou options# I rees !ou to make use o a limited resource )time* in more constructive "a!s# Ene o "hich is meeting ne" "omen# I've been in a relationship "ith a "oman like the one !ou describe# You can onl! get in a situation "here she can make !ou angr! like this because !ou didn't ne(t her earl! enough or decisivel! enough#
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0;-=1-;=01& =%2H >,
Bigslick; This is a bit o a non-se8uitur --- but isn't anger +usti$ed in certain situations6 I'll give !ou a solid e(ample --- I'm moving out o m! apartment soon& but I have neighbors "ho constantl! "ake me up at ; am& 1am& 2am& or am on "eeknights# Jither blasting music "ith huge bass directl! underneath me& or having drunk riends pound outside m! "indo" deep into the A,# The! obviousl! don't have +obs# @ops never sho" up and the! can't be evicted& and I've talked to them repeatedl!& so I've turned to blind violent rage as a 'deterrent' strateg!# Isn't a man entitled to basic rest in his o"n home6 An!"a! in these late night raptures& I'll 8uickl! go rom = to Oing Lear to Unhol! 7age +ust to get some sleep# It's part real anger and part me pla!ing it up to inspire ear# 7eall!& are !ou telling me a gu! more secure in himsel& his lie& or his mission& "ould not be as angered6 >erhaps# But I "ouldn't tr! to take a"a! a man's sleep# Cell& or me& sleep beats se(& "hen both urges are strong#
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0;-=1-;=01& =4%= >,
Dlue Duote%
Originally Posted by Bigslick# his is a bit o a non7seitr 777 bt isn%t anger +sti-ed in "ertain sitations4 I%ll give yo a solid example 777 I%m moving ot o my apartment soon, bt I have neighbors who "onstantly wake me p at / am, Jam, Kam, or L am on weeknights#
Isn%t a man entitled to basi" rest in his own home4 0nyway in these late night raptres, I%ll i"kly go rom C to Fing 9ear to Dnholy Rage +st to get some sleep# It%s part real anger and part me playing it p to inspire ear# Really, are yo telling me a gy more se"re in himsel, his lie, or his mission, wold not be as angered4 Perhaps# 5t I woldn%t try to take away a man%s sleep# 2ell, or me, sleep beats sex, when both rges are strong#
Well& in the heat o the moment I don't blame !ou# But i this is a consistent problem and !ou're renting& !ou can complain to the landlord and i he does nothing about it !ou can document it and probabl! terminate the lease on those terms# This "ould be the logical response as opposed to the getting angr! over and over response# I I "as the o"ner& then I "ould complain to the Board and the propert! managers and the Board could sue them# There have been cases "here the Board has sued o"nerstenants or up to Q=&=== and "on# o or one night& I "ould be discontent angr!& i this persisted I "ould take reasonable action#
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Blackdragon Duote%
Originally Posted by "immy!honga in the words o yor analogy 7 that wold entail knowing his bank balan"e at the time o deposit, as well as seeing his bank history, nderstanding the reen"y o deposits and withdrawls# is the graph o his net worth moving 8p and to the right8, and at what rate4 to translate that ba"k into the terms o my analogy 7 on a given day two gys make identi"al deposits into their a""onts, reslting in identi"al balan"es# 2owever, bank re"ords show one o the gys opened the a""ont / years ago with .CCF deposit rom his dad# whi"h man let to his own devi"es do yo think will have more money in the a""ont / years down the road4
You're getting "a! too theoretical or me and I like to sta! in the practical "orld# This "ill be m! $nal response to !ou in this thread unless !ou "ant to steer the conversation back to the practical# The bottom line is that i !our game )inner and outer* is solid& a "oman doesn't need to see a huge historical resume o !ou in order to be attracted to !ou& nor does a man need to see this to respect )or ear* !ou# Duote%
Originally Posted by Bigslick# his is a bit o a non7seitr 777 bt isn%t anger +sti-ed in "ertain sitations4
@ertainl!# I a man threatens !ou "ith a gun# I someone se(uall! molests one o !our children# I !our girlriend steals thousands o dollars rom !our savings account# There is nothing "rong "ith getting angr! in e(treme circumstances# The problem is that H o the time people are angr! the situation is not an e(treme one# A girl calling !ou an asshole or not te(ting !ou back is not cause or any anger# )Unless !ou have a personalit! that en+o!s drama#* mile& laugh& ne(t ast& move on& and get back to a happ! state again# The other problem that is less common& though still prevalent& is that people stay angr! about e(treme circumstances or !ears and !ears instead o getting over it# When I got divorced& her and I "ere both ver! angr!# It took me 1-2 months to get over it# It took her !ears# I've dated "omen "ho have been divorced longer than TJ9 !ears and the!'re still angr! about it# Duote%
I%ll give yo a solid example 777 I%m moving ot o my apartment soon, bt I have neighbors who "onstantly wake me p at / am, Jam, Kam, or L am on weeknights#
Eops never show p and they "an%t be evi"ted, and I%ve talked to them repeatedly, so I%ve trned to blind violent rage as a %deterrent% strategy#
A"esome no" here's the 8uestion% %s that strategy !orking for you' Are those people no! being (uiet all night because you)re enraged' I have a eeling the ans"er is no& "hich means !ou've proven m! point# Your anger has accomplished absolutel! nothing in the real "orld& e(cept damage !our happiness# Which to me is an unacceptable price# Whenever !ou have a situation like this& the "a! to solve it is% 0# ?o ever!thing logisticall! possible to solve it as ast as possible# @ome up "ith creative solutions i possible# ;# I number 0 doesn't "ork& remove !oursel rom the situation as ast as possible# Those above t"o steps appl! to an! area in lie having to do "ith other human beings# Women& lie& business& politics& amil!& !ou name it# It sounds like !ou've alread! done 0 and it hasn't "orked# Then it's time or ;# ,ove out o there AA># )Which !ou mentioned !ou "ere doing#* A minor rustration in the meantime& but then problem solved# 9o anger re8uired# I !ou're curious& most people ollo" a di3erent techni8ue% 0# Get reall! mad# ;# ,ake sure ever!one kno"s !ou're mad& hoping the!'ll change because !ou're mad# 1# Get even more mad because no one ever changes because !ou're mad# 2# Go back to step 0# Duote%
Isn%t a man entitled to basi" rest in his own home4
That's a CUGJ gu!-logic statement# While !ou're not "rong per se )because I agree "ith !ou*& in this particular circumstance that attitude "on't help !our happiness at all#
Anger has nothing to do "ith rights or honor or logic or la"s or airness# It has to do "ith happiness# When !ou're being "ronged and angered& !ou can $( it andor remove !oursel AA> to get back to !our happiness as ast as possible )m! method* or !ou can stand !our ground because !ou're .right. and sta! angr! )and thus sta! a"a! rom !our happiness* or a much longer period o time )emotional gu! method and 9eed! Alpha method*#
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0;-=1-;=01& =5%== >,
Uncle Walker Duote%
Originally Posted by Bigslick# his is a bit o a non7seitr 777 bt isn%t anger +sti-ed in "ertain sitations4
o here is the 8uestion& Big slick& does !our anger make !ou happ!6 7emember this 8uote% You can tell the sie o the man b! the sie o the things that make him mad# Is this a big enough thing to !ou to +udge !our manhood on6 A couple !ears ago I realied there "ere things that "ould consistentl! get under m! skin i the! happened# Ene o them "as a thousand pounds o out o control animal# o he! b! B?Rs de$nition I am a prett! big dude huh6 %p All to oten I "ould go ride"ork "ith one o m! horses and beore I "as done I "ould be urious# It became kind o a pattern# The! "ere not reall! totall! out o control but the! "ould be de$ant and not do simple tasks that "ere re8uired o them# The! "ould de!& I "ould start an internal dialog& the! "ould continue& I "ould get mad& "e "ould battle our "a! to some resolution and "e "ould go home# These animals "ere big and i the! didnRt sta! under control I could 8uite easil! be dead# It "as onl! ater I dre" the ne(t conclusion that the lights began coming on# It "as all ear based and it "as reall! more about the ear o being out o control than the ph!sical danger# Ence the drama started it "ould +ust eed the animals ear and then back to me in reciprocal
determinism# /inall! I started looking at the progression and $nding "a!s to make meaningul changes# Toda!& I still have occasional bad da!s but or the most part I have much better rides and much better horses# Was I +usti$ed in being angr!6 It is reall! a mote point because it didnRt make me happ! or $( an!thing in an e
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ensation This thread covers a topic I "as going to make a post on to ask a 8uestion# o the last girl I "as seeing "as relativel! drama ree& so nothing ne(t-"orth! there# But "hen it came to logistics& she "ould regularl! uck shit up and it "ould piss me o3# J(ample% I spent an hour and a hal traveling to meet her some"here# he is late or stupid reasons she could have avoided& and i she had at least kept me in the loop and te(ted me then it "ouldn't have totall! ruined our plans# o I got pissed and argued "ith her and called her inconsiderate# 1= seconds o e3ort on her part "ould have saved me a lot o trouble# Ater it calmed do"n "e did some other shit and the rest o the night "ent oka!# >roblem is that she "ould do this regularl!& and "ouldn't keep me in the loop to mitigate potential problems because she "anted to avoid .making trouble. )her parents "ould piss on her or ever! little thing& and she didn't "ant to go through that "ith me& but in tr!ing to prevent it she ucked up shit "a! "orse because she traded logistical uckups or disrespect to"ards me*# o& I kno" I shouldn't have argued "ith her& but "hat should I have done6 hould I have told her that i she "on't tell me "hat's going on& that that is unacceptable and then +ust leave6 Er "ould she see me as pout! or .ruining. the night because she also traveled a long distance and "as onl! araid o being the .bad. person and didn't intend to be inconsiderate6
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Duote%
Originally Posted by Sensation his thread "overs a topi" I was going to make a post on to ask a estion# ;o the last girl I was seeing was relatively drama ree, so nothing next7 worthy there# 5t when it "ame to logisti"s, she wold reglarly "k shit p and it wold piss me o*#
>ermanent ne(t ater the second uckup#
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ensation Duote%
Originally Posted by $%%% Permanent next ater the se"ond "kp#
9ot sa!ing !ou're "rong& but it seems kinda harsh to me# 9ot even do"ngrade to /B6 Caving said that& most o the riction in the relationship came rom this kind o shit# 9o" that I think o it& she "as on a ,arina IU? and got results rom her g!no that indicated possible pregnanc! or cancer# he didn't talk to me or several da!s because she thought I'd get .mad.# Last I heard it "as probabl! an inection that caused the unn! results#
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Blackdragon Duote%
Originally Posted by Sensation I spent an hor and a hal traveling to meet her somewhere#
You drove H= minutes to meet a "oman "ho regularl! ucks up logistics6 You need to realie that entire situation "as 0== !our ault# You "ere asking or it& so !ou getting angr! at her makes no sense# I !ou purposel! put !our hand on the hot stove& it makes no sense to get mad at the stove# Duote%
;o, I know I sholdn%t have arged with her, bt what shold I have done4 ;hold I have told her that i she won%t tell me what%s going on, that that is na""eptable and then +st leave4 Or wold she see me as poty or 8rining8 the night be"ase she also traveled a long distan"e and was only araid o being the 8bad8 person and didn%t intend to be in"onsiderate4
You should not have driven H= minutes to meet her in the $rst place# But oka!& !ou made that mistake# At about 2 minutes out I "ould have sent her a te(t or called her to con$rm that all "as "ell# I I got no response& or a response that indicated she "as going to be ver! late& I "ould have turned around and gone back home# Then sot ne(ted her or at least ; "eeks& probabl! a month# But oka!& !ou didn't do that either# o !ou're there and standing around like an idiot "aiting or her and then she's reall! late# )Which is 0== !our ault or trusting such a disorganied "oman#* What I "ould have done is said something like .You've scre"ed up the entire evening b! being late# o "e can hang out or about an hour and have se(& but I'm cutting short the rest o the evening and going home ater that#. I she agreed& I "ould have se( "ith her and then go home b! m!sel& then sot ne(ted her or at least ; "eeks and do"ngraded her to /B# I instead she started complaining or bitching at me& I "ould sa! .Eka!& see !a.& then got back in m! car and gone back home& and sot ne(ted her or at least an entire month and do"ngraded to /B# And then I "ould have hopeull! learned m! lesson# The point is& no anger re8uired& and she clearl! kno"s "hat she did "rong#
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hangman Duote%
Originally Posted by "immy!honga I only be"ame aware o it re"ently 7 how important it is to or me to 8be heard8# its interesting, I dont think I remember reading abot that behavior previos to this post#
It seems to me that I )and probabl! others* have talked here about ."anting to be understood. as a orm o neediness# But as usual it "as probabl! in the .shooting the shit. ormat that I usuall! adhere to& instead o the .revealed truth. ormat& "hich seems more accessible to the masses# J?IT% Nust ound a link& "here the conte(t seems relevant-
http%"""#pua-one#comsho"thread#p###llS0post0522 Duote%
Originally Posted by "immy!honga 0nother reason why I am plled to 8being heard8 seems to be a desire to not have people pissed o* at me nairly# im not sre i its a moral or ethi"al thing# I want to work things ot, to 8pro"ess8# I eel I am right, and I need the other person to hear my side o the story# I am open to hearing what they have to say and how they see it# 9ets work throgh it so we "old all get along and be riends, or at least not part ways on bad terms# I gess it sonds like I havent internalied the idea that 8yo "ant please everyone8#
This happens because !ou think that people make their decisions based on reason& and that i !ou +ust told them the ull acts& the! "ill process it and treat !ou .nice.# You have to become more process-oriented# Which means& !ou have to understand that given enough time& i !ou are reasonable& people "ill get !our point o vie"# This is a bit abstract& and I don't have the time no" to elaborate it urther& but !ou touched upon a ver! important point# This is also the same reason "h! gu!s here "ill al"a!s ask !ou "hat is the best line to handle this or that shit-test6 The true ans"er otentimes is that !ou don't need an! line )sure& a good line can be un*& !ou +ust need to sta! there and trust !oursel# Like Albert J once said& .its not that I solved problems because I "as cleverer& but that I sta!ed "ith the problems longer.# Duote%
Originally Posted by "immy!honga yes, I too have a sot spot or simple, elegant soltions :) Im "rios tho# sppose one man has his lie seemingly together, smiley, emotionally stable, et"# bt intera"ting with one "ertain amily member drives him nts, literally in mintes there is n"ontrolled rage# is that a big ro"k ( http:??www#appleseeds#org?5ig7Ro"ksMEovey#htm)4 who does the +dging4 another example 7 a gy who grew p in a religios environment, sper stri"t and very sexally "onservative and works
himsel to a pla"e where he is OF with premarital sex, anal sex, even "onsiders non7monogamy, and no longer sold on traditional marriage# "ompare that to a natral born in 1iami or N$E who, on top o the above "hara"teristi"s, also has a ew 35s in rotation# it may be arged that the -rst gy wold have more things 8make him mad8, bt whi"h man was more "orageos, whi"h man traveled arther4 point is 7 I am not sre how the ote is a s"alable tool rom one person to the next# Im not even sre how its a sel tool or me 7 I have my own experien"e to "ompare with, and it may not be s"ient to appropriately +dge another with#
You are orgetting that the path brings its o"n glor!# Tr!ing to bang "hite bitches "hen I "as in m! ;='s "as the thing that taught me so man! remarkable things about m!sel& lie& others& m! "ork& etc etc etc# There is a certain densit! )or lack o a better "ord* that comes to !ou as a person# I "ouldn't s"itch it or the lie o a club promoter in ,iami& un as it is# That might not be obvious to some teenager "ho +ust "ants to get his dick "et at "hatever cost& but "hen !ou have ucked !our 5Hth or 002th girl& girls simpl! are not the most important thing in !our lie# This is the thing that gu!s like Libertine& "ho ret over .missed opportunities. are not understanding#
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9itra( Duote%
Originally Posted by Sensation ;o the last girl I was seeing was relatively drama ree, so nothing next7 worthy there# 5t when it "ame to logisti"s, she wold reglarly "k shit p and it wold piss me o*#
Being pissed o3 is al"a!s al"a!s al"a!s !our problem: I used to have some habituall! late riends# ince "e "ere all german that "as 8uite uncommon# )I !ou are culturall! late than !ou are +ust e(pected to kno"
about that# Ether"ise appointments are there to keep#* What I ound most e3ective is to limit m! o"n "aste o time standing some"here& so I "ould either go to their place& or even better meet up at mine# That "a! I can use the lag time to do something else# These da!s its easiest to take a generic ebook reader "ith !ou at all times and +ust read# But lateness is disrespectul and should not be encouraged# Nust get the girl to drive to !our place rom no" on# And don't do her thinking or her: ?on't solve her problems& her logistics& or "hatever else she comes up "ith# I noticed a general tendenc! or men to do all the travelingdriving# Theres nothing "rong "ith getting the girl to !our area# aves on time# You also don't have to be air and meet up in the middle or sth# 9itra(
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spar(( Enl! reason ever to get mad is i getting mad 0* accomplishes some goal "hich ;* cannot be accomplished other"ise# Jither o these are rarel! true and even more rarel! true at the same time#
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ensation Duote%
Originally Posted by Blackdragon $o drove GC mintes to meet a woman who reglarly "ks p logisti"s4
Took transit& so it "asn't 7JALLY ar& +ust the connections made it take a long time#
Duote%
$o shold not have driven GC mintes to meet her in the -rst pla"e#
We "ere going out to do stu3# Usuall! "e spent time at m! place& but sometimes I "anted to go out "ith her to do something di3erent# At the end o the night& ater her roommate "as supposed to leave& "e "ere going to go to her place or se(# Duote%
5t okay, yo made that mistake# 0t abot KL mintes ot I wold have sent her a text or "alled her to "on-rm that all was well# I I got no response, or a response that indi"ated she was going to be very late, I wold have trned arond and gone ba"k home# hen sot nexted her or at least / weeks, probably a month#
We met at a ,eetup group# he didn't start coming to the "eekl! event until ater "e "ere seeing each other# I told her I preerred that she didn't come& but she came regularl! an!"a!s# This made ne(ting her di
5t okay, yo didn%t do that either# ;o yo%re there and standing arond like an idiot waiting or her and then she%s really late# (&hi"h is .CCH yor alt or trsting s"h a disorganied woman#) &hat I wold have done is said something like 8$o%ve s"rewed p the entire evening by being late# ;o we "an hang ot or abot an hor and have sex, bt I%m "tting short the rest o the evening and going home ater that#8 I she agreed, I wold have sex with her and then go home by mysel, then sot nexted her or at least / weeks and downgraded her to 35#
This is the kind o ans"er I "as looking or# o basicall! the night is not a complete "rite o3& nor are m! e3orts& but she is punished or her uckup b! spending much less time "ith me# 9o" I sold m! car& and se( at ever! meeting is important& so ho" do I take care o business6 In summer "e did hump in the park one night& but "inter in @anada& even ancouver& can get cold# Duote%
I instead she started "omplaining or bit"hing at me, I wold say 8Okay, see ya8, then got ba"k in my "ar and gone ba"k home, and sot nexted her or at least an entire month and downgraded to 35# 0nd then I wold have hopelly learned my lesson#
Ater having been "ith a borderline& this chick seemed like so much less trouble )e#g# she never threatened to kill me hahaha*& so I "as "illing to tolerate her stupidities because she "as relativel! drama ree and submissive# But ater being reminded ho" 8uickl! !ou "ould ne(t or do"ngrade a girl& it tells me that I still have to raise m! standards regarding behavior even urther& and that I should have kept her as /B in the $rst place# But Asian girls "ith ;5@'s are like crack to me# Caving said that I see ho" the act that I "asn't sleeping "ith an!one else at the same time makes it ,U@C more likel! that I'd stupidl! upgrade a girl or put up "ith disrespectul behavior# Looking back on it& .get a second girlriend. I think "ould have automaticall! solvedprevented most o this bullshit# But it's hard to see it like that in the moment "hen ne(ting means no se( or ensation# I reall! liked spending time "ith her even i she "as lame sometimes& so I can onl! imagine "hat it "ill be like "ith a .better. girl#
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ensation Duote%
Originally Posted by itra& Bst get the girl to drive to yor pla"e rom now on# 0nd don%t do her thinking or her! 6on%t solve her problems, her logisti"s, or whatever else
she "omes p with# I noti"ed a general tenden"y or men to do all the traveling?driving# heres nothing wrong with getting the girl to yor area# ;aves on time# $o also don%t have to be air and meet p in the middle or sth# Nitrax
he generall! came to m! place& but this night "as to go out and do stu3# A .date. "ith a girl I had been seeing ever! "eekend or several months#
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limitless Duote%
Originally Posted by Blackdragon '. Anger is often an indication of a lack of a strong life (ission. &e are men# 1en, at least happy men, need 1issions# &hen yo have a "learly de-ned, strongly "ompelling, deeply ex"iting 1ission in yor lie, it%s sally harder to get mad at the small st*# I yo don%t have a 1ission, spend some time and -nd one# I%ll admit this isn%t always easy# 5t neither is getting mad all the time# 4. Anger simply a mutated version of fear. I lly agree with the psy"hologists who assert that all negative emotions stem rom ear# his in"ldes anger# I yo%re angry, yo%re not a"tally angry###yo%re araid# &henever yo get mad, pase, take a ew deep breaths, and ask yorsel, 8&hat am I araid o48 $o may be srprised to -nd that the person or persons yo%re mad at have nothing to do with the real reasons yo eel angry#
Great post& matches e(actl! m! "a! o thinking over the past !ear# I do have some 8uestions though%
*o! do you get past the emotions !hen !hat you are angry about is your life)s mission itself' Little things like "omen& ma!be a $nancial situation etc do not a3ect me# Co"ever& I kno" I am not in the career situation I "ant currentl! and "hen this is brought up )usuall! b! m! parents* I can't help getting angr! over it# I kno" it stems rom ear about not making something o m!sel etc but "hen it is hinted at I can't help but eel angr!& even i I don't sho" it#
ome actionable advice about getting a bigger picture mindset and avoiding anger "hen it comes to !our lie's mission itsel "ould be ver! helpul#
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NW Duote%
Originally Posted by hey_lover &omen seem to eate anger with passion, -re, and desire# I%ve heard several state that I was lieless and la"ked passion when I resed to engage in a -ery "onrontation# ./ 0ngry 1en is a great -lm# he one starring 2enry 3onda#
I'm not sure i this has been addressed !et# 0; Angr! ,en is e(actl! the W7E9G kind o anger& it is A/@ anger rom men "ho eel basicall! po"erless in their lives# There is righteous& controlled and purposeul anger and there is beta male anger# I've used both in m! lie and there is a CUGJ di3erence in the results and in the "a! I elt right ater"ards# /or e(ample i !our child is about to drink bleach or run in ront o a car& i someone !ou love is about to damage themselves& there is a certain natural anger that !ou "ill eel and can channel in the appropriate manner# I an emplo!ee does something like steal or publicl! damage the business& rarel! it can be a good idea to call him out publicl!& even in a displa! o .anger.# 9ot out o control rage but righteous and purposeul# B? is talking about something ver! di3erent# I !ou're getting angr! "ith a "oman& good chance !ou're not in control o !our emotions& !ou're being a
victim and a gu! "ithout options or a mission# .I got HH problems but a bitch ain't one#. - Na!-V
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NW Duote%
Originally Posted by zylya his is my biggest sti"king point these days# It%s the whole %being right isn%t enogh% thing# I don%t want to "ontrol (the other primary ob+e"tive in yor other post) whi"h means I%m halway there, bt I 20< not being heard or listened to# 0nd it%s not even the whole ignoring thing 7 I simply ignore in retrn, it%s when yo say something bt nothing "hanges# I know it%s obviosly a weakness, and one that I shold work to resolve, bt I +st have no idea how to at this stage#
I'll be grateul i !ou'll keep us all posted about this because I have the same struggle# /or e(ample +ust !esterda! I "as tr!ing to $nd a "a! "ith m! e(& that I could see m! daughter more# he "ent bet"een ignoring me or blo"ing it o3 like I should be grateul or not being able to see her# I ound it inuriating# I can't think o an!thing else that sets me o3 like that )she kno"s this& obviousl!### he J9NEY making me angr!*#
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NW Duote%
Originally Posted by Bigslick# his is a bit o a non7seitr 777 bt isn%t anger +sti-ed in "ertain sitations4
I%ll give yo a solid example 777 I%m moving ot o my apartment soon, bt I have neighbors who "onstantly wake me p at / am, Jam, Kam, or L am on weeknights#
You mentioned this as a strateg!# I am 0== on board "ith an! strateg! that "ill get !ou the result !ou "ant# I rage makes them 8uit and nothing else "ill& then b! all means# I on the other hand !ou use rage and the! continue or the! J@ALATJ& !ou've no" compounded the problem because !ou used the "rong tool or the +ob# .?on't "rite a che8ue "ith !our mouth that !our ass can't cash.# LEL# Ene time a drunk tenant came into m! bar drunk "ith his rent pouch light& da!s late and to top it o3& acting like he "as doing me a avour b! pa!ing me partial rent# I told him I "ould take his meager belongings and put them on the !ello" line o the street out ront# ?id not F! into a rage& said it loud enough to be understood and did not break e!e contact# Ce threatened me "ith legal action# I laughed and said i !ou could a3ord a la"!er !ou "ould have paid rent# Ce then threatened a ph!sical $ght# I looked him straight in the e!e and did not Finch - I "as read! to get into it "ith him i he touched me# Ce completel! backed do"n# 9o" I'm not a big gu! and those tactics are rare "ith me& but the! "ere appropriate in conte(t and more importantl!& it "orked# Ce didn't transorm into a star tenant in act he moved out at the end o that month# But I got "hat I "anted out o m! actions# Ether times I "as not so "ise %*
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hangman Duote%
Originally Posted by ")S 3or example i yor "hild is abot to drink blea"h or rn in ront o a "ar, i someone yo love is abot to damage themselves, there is a "ertain natral anger that yo will eel and "an "hannel in the appropriate manner#
Thats not anger# Thats panic# E course& because "e are alpha badass motheruckers& "e can't ever have panic# Anger sounds cooler# %rolle!es% I sa" some other gu!s on this thread sa!ing similar things# To paraphrase olhenits!n& .the line bet"een alpha and beta runs not bet"een men& but through ever! man's heart.# All the grandstanding in the "orld not "ithstanding# The goal is to be more and more on the .alpha. side o things# But hiding "eakness is not the same thing as being strong& and I am prett! sure that anger probabl! has some evolutionar! value# It is an interesting 8uestion "hat and it is not that hard to $gure out "hat# >% This post is a reponse to some comments on this thread )"hich is a great thread b! the "a!*& even though it is addressed at one comment b! !ou& NW:
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NW Are !ou drunk6 I'm not talking about panic& I'm talking about righteous anger# >anic could result in a death in those circumstances# ,! point "ent straight over !our head apparentl!#
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Blackdragon
Duote%
Originally Posted by limitless *o+ do you get past the emotions +hen +hat you are angry about is your life,s mission itself-
That's not anger# That's rustration# /rustration "ith !our current conditions is ver!& ver! health!# It's an impetus to change# The reason m! income is "hat it is toda! is because "hen I "as a !oung man out on m! o"n I "as ver! poor& and gre" up in a $nanciall! strapped amil!& and I CATJ? IT# I "as ver! rustrated# ame goes or the "oman side o m! lie# But I "asn't angry about it# I "asn't "alking around clenching m! $sts and !elling at people# I "as rstrated# There's a di3erence# Duote%
9ittle things like women, maybe a -nan"ial sitation et" do not a*e"t me# 2owever, I know I am not in the "areer sitation I want "rrently and when this is broght p (sally by my parents) I "an%t help getting angry over it# I know it stems rom ear abot not making something o mysel et" bt when it is hinted at I "an%t help bt eel angry, even i I don%t show it#
You need to ne(t !our parents or a "hile# I'm serous# Duote%
;ome a"tionable advi"e abot getting a bigger pi"tre mindset and avoiding anger when it "omes to yor lie%s mission itsel wold be very helpl#
That's a ver! big topic# ,! book is all about that# ,ore on this later# Duote%
Originally Posted by ")S I%m not sre i this has been addressed yet# ./ 0ngry 1en is exa"tly the &RON@ kind o anger, it is 03E anger rom men who eel basi"ally powerless in their lives#
Agree# Duote%
3or example i yor "hild is abot to drink blea"h or rn in ront o a "ar, i someone yo love is abot to damage themselves, there is a "ertain natral anger that yo will eel and "an "hannel in the appropriate manner#
I'm more talking about !our reaction ater the act# /or e(ample& i !ou $nd out someone has stolen Q;=== rom !ou or beat the shit out o !our best riend and put him in the hospital# You're going to get angr!& and that's oka!# It's a temporary )emphasis on temporar!* biological reaction to an e(treme circumstance& "hich is "hat anger is or# It's "hen the anger !ou eel is not temporar!& or "hen the anger !ou eel is a reaction to a non-e(treme circumstance )like a girl Faking on !ou*# TCAT' "hen anger is stupid and unnecessar!# The problem is H o the anger I see out there in the "orld is the stupid and unnecessar! kind#
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Boobadoos I eel ver! blood! angr! right no" I "ill be taking some o ur tips Blackdragon
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WarWithin I'm an mood! creative introvert# Logic is a tool I use to solve problems& oten ver! "ell& but it's not in m! ?9A# I !ou're an!thing like me& !ou need to eel things ull! or them to go a"a!# /rom /r om "hat I gather B? is not ver! emotional# Basicall!& he is in a good mood b! deault unless something ver! bad happens& "hich is a blessing# Ene o m! parents is the same "a!# It comes do"n to "hat !ou do "ith it# @an a rerame or certain activit! make it go a"a!6 Great# I not !ou gotta let the poison go through "ithout doing something stupid# It's not !our riend's& dog's or G/'s ault# This is ideall! done a"a! rom people or girls& ma!be a close riend is a di3erent stor! i !ou need to vent it out# I literall! "ill get ph!sical pain and other s!mptoms i I don't# Bottom line& there is a certain mental composition !ou don't have control over# I didn't# But I kno" m!sel "ell enough to take it or "hat it is- Like a smoke alarm that oten goes o3 at random times# It's not al"a!s a call to action#
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>resent This#
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mone!matteo Duote%
Originally Posted by )ar)ithin
I%m an moody "reative introvert# 9ogi" is a tool I se to solve problems, oten very well, bt it%s not in my 6N0# I yo%re anything like me, yo need to eel things lly or them to go away# 3rom what I gather 56 is not very emotional# 5asi"ally, he is in a good mood by dealt nless something very bad happens, whi"h is a blessing# One o my parents is the same way# It "omes down to what yo do with it# Ean a rerame or "ertain a"tivity make it go away4 @reat# I not yo gotta let the poison go throgh withot doing something stpid#
Yep& the aster !ou can sometimes Yep& sometimes eel through through !our emotions- the aster the!'re up and out o !our s!stem# The ke! is reall! reall! doing it on !our !our o"n time& ideall! ideall! around around people s!mpathetic s!mpathetic to !ou# I someone makes !ou angr! past a threshold& sot-ne(ting someone "ill give the both o !ou time to process !our o"n emotions beore tr!ing to communicate# It's a "a! to prevent collateral damage reall!# I !ou -need- to e(perienc e(perience e !our negative emotions in the compan! o other people6 That's on !our tur to $( up# Take T ake it to the man-cave man-cave :: Ladies are all reall! +ust s"eet and some"hat cra! little kittens#### "ith tin! sharp cla"s that could potentiall! send kitt! poop inested "ith staph to !our blood-stream and kill !ou "ithin the "eek# /or all the havoc the!'ve been kno"n to cause& it's hard to la! too much blame reall! reall!## ##
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0;-=H-;=01& =%02 A,
V Duote%
Originally Posted by limitless ;ome a"tionable advi"e abot getting a bigger pi"tre mindset and avoiding anger when it "omes to yor lie%s mission itsel wold be very helpl#
I think +ust about ever!one has dealt "ith this at some point# It's prett! common# It's a battle that I have "aged m!sel man! times& because I am in a +ob that I am ver! good at& that that I get paid paid ver! "ell or& or& but that I don't particularl! relate relate to or love "hat some o the other people in m! industr! do# ,! peace has come rom kno"ing that this is something I do in order to make a living& that there are other aspects o m! lie that are more true to m! mission& and that despite the act that I don't love ever!thing about "hat I do& I am going to do it to the best o m! abilit! and be true to m! o"n ideals "hile doing it# Is it perect6 Cell no# I can't think o an!thing in lie that is# Lie is not about living in perection# It's about moving or"ard in the absence o it# I am incredibl! blessed blessed in m! lie "ith a lot o things around me# ,! mission is simple# To en+o! and appreciate the act that I have those things& and to tr! to create a "orld "here more people are able to e(perience that en+o!ment as "ell# Duote%
Originally Posted by ")S by ")S I%ll be gratel i yo%ll keep s all posted abot this be"ase I have the same strggle# 3or example +st yesterday I was trying to -nd a way with my ex, that I "old see my daghter more# ;he went between ignoring me or blowing it o* like I shold be gratel or not being able to see her# I ond it inriating# I "an%t think o anything else that sets me o* like that (she knows this, obviosly obviosly### ### ;he
This is another another thing that I think think ever!one battles# battles# /or /or me& a big part o solving this has been getting outside m!sel and learning to appreciate "hat the other person is going through# ,editation helps a lot in terms o noticing internal thought patterns# o it's almost like i I'm in a meeting and someone isn't listening to me about ho" I think something should be done& I hear m!sel going& .What the uck is "rong "ith !ou6. I notice m!sel in that thought pattern& accept it& and redirect to"ards& .Tell me more about "hat !ou are thinking#. Ence the! do that& !ou are present "ith them# And rom there& it's the simple task o redirecting to"ards the end goal# This is done "ith something like& .Ek& I see "hat !ou're sa!ing# We're tr!ing to accomplish K# Which one o these is going to be best6. The easiest "a! to be heard is to hear someone else completel! $rst# Be present "ith the situation in ront o !ou& not "ith !our o"n "ants and desires# Ence again& this is something that I have come up ever! da!# But as !ou start to do it more and more oten& !ou eel a lot o the burden being lited o having to be right and kno" ever!thing as !ou go through this process#
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0;-=H-;=01& 0=%21 A,
ancestor Are !ou genuinel! stupid NW6 Nust "ondering# Because !ou seem to ask these one-line 8uestions to an!one that opposes !our vie"# You either have no possibilit! to see the other opinion or rather& "hat I think it is& are grandstanding !our orum persona# I !ou got that pointless part o !our imaginar! alpha personalit! sorted& !ou "ould actuall! learn rom others# But I guess or !ou it is too late and it is more to e(plain !our current situation and to "eave a stor! around "hatever happened to !ou rahter than to learn& adapt and gro"# You are o course ver! "elcome to ans"er "ith - are !ou insane6 - or some o !our rather limited repertoire o personal attacks that !ou Fing as a $rst reFe(# ?on't step back and think# Nust react as usual NW# Worked out so ar& right6 It is people like !ou that deter thinkers rom this site# ancestor
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0;-=H-;=01& =;%24 >,
NW Duote%
Originally Posted by his is another thing that I think everyone battles# 3or me, a big part o solving this has been getting otside mysel and learning to appre"iate what the other person is going throgh# 1editation helps a lot in terms o noti"ing internal thoght patterns# ;o it%s almost like i I%m in a meeting and someone isn%t listening to me abot how I think something shold be done, I hear mysel going, 8&hat the "k is wrong with yo48 I noti"e mysel in that thoght pattern, a""ept it, and redire"t towards, 8ell me more abot what yo are thinking#8 On"e they do that, yo are present with them# 0nd rom there, it%s the simple task o redire"ting towards the end goal# his is done with something like, 8Ok, I see what yo%re saying# &e%re trying to a""omplish =# &hi"h one o these is going to be best48 he easiest way to be heard is to hear someone else "ompletely -rst# 5e present with the sitation in ront o yo, not with yor own wants and
desires# On"e again, this is something that I have "ome p every day# 5t as yo start to do it more and more oten, yo eel a lot o the brden being lited o having to be right and know everything as yo go throgh this pro"ess#
Great stu3# Co" do !ou deal "ith passive aggressive people& the ones "ho push that gu!-logic& .I "ant to be heard:. button6 Cere's a recent e(ample )paraphrased or brevit!*% ,e% let's talk schedules or the holida!s# ?0 "as asking me i d; can visit or a couple o da!s over @hristmas 7% ignore 9e(t da! 7 sends me a picture "ith ?; sitting on anta's lap ,e% that's nice# What da!s do !ou propose she comes up here& or should "e travel there6 Then 7 Fies into a rant about ho" she has 9E time o3 "ork over the holida!s& ho" she alread! had this huge tiring trip in earl! 9ovember )"hich I paid or*& ho" I should be G7ATJ/UL .!ou alread! have a daughter or @hristmas:. And more ranting# he's blocked me on /acebook# A common emale riend sho"ed me that her "all is mainl! pics "ith her and m! daughter& and some events rom ;=0= and ;=00 .attended "ith Luke. )me*# And she blocked me# Cer parents make me "ait at the end o the drive"a! like a common criminal "hen I go to pick up m! daughter# The reason is once I ound a massive& overFo"ing ashtra! at ground level "here m! daughter pla!s and asked them nicel! to pick it up and place it out o reach# The! eed her vaccines& tobacco )indirectl!* and s"ear "ords& and treat ;1 o her immediate amil! as second class citiens or ever! ma+or holida!# I have no sa! in an! o it# I I sa! an!thing I'm ignored or !elled at# he reuses to talk to me unless m! daughter is sitting right there# Jver!thing else is te(t messages# /or me& it's ver! hard not to be angr! and ste" in it# ,editation !ou sa!6 Based on m! o"n principles as outlined above and "hich hangman )inadvertentl!* misinterpreted& I agree "ith the E> in that anger should be rational and temporar!# I e8uate .rational. to having a purpose& or e(ample i I need to chastise m! child about the severe danger o "andering into the street )not grandstanding - I think onl! someone never had to care or a small child "ould think that is being .macho.*& or set an e(ample or an emplo!ee# Being in control o ones
emotions means I tr! to use them as tools /E7 ,J& instead o allo"ing them to run me# In this case I eel correct to be angr!& on the other hand it does no apparent good and there seems to be no resolution#
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0;-=H-;=01& =;%2H >,
!l!a Duote%
Originally Posted by ancestor 0re yo geninely stpid B&;4 Bst wondering# 5e"ase yo seem to ask these one7line estions to anyone that opposes yor view# $o either have no possibility to see the other opinion or rather, what I think it is, are grandstanding yor orm persona# I yo got that pointless part o yor imaginary alpha personality sorted, yo wold a"tally learn rom others# 5t I gess or yo it is too late and it is more to explain yor "rrent sitation and to weave a story arond whatever happened to yo rahter than to learn, adapt and grow# $o are o "orse very wel"ome to answer with 7 are yo insane4 7 or some o yor rather limited repertoire o personal atta"ks that yo >ing as a -rst re>ex# 6on%t step ba"k and think# Bst rea"t as sal B&;# &orked ot so ar, right4 It is people like yo that deter thinkers rom this site# an"estor
This is an ad hominem attack )and !ou even call or him to ad hominem back* and thereore against the >osting 7ules# You're "elcome to discuss or argue& but don't resort to personal attacks#
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0;-=H-;=01& =1%;= >,
NW
removed& inappropriate comment on m! partX
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0;-=H-;=01& =2%0 >,
tr!hard Duote%
Originally Posted by ")S ryhard, It%s not a personal atta"k#
It concerns me that !ou someho" kno" the contents o "hat I assumed "as a private report# I "ill be making a ne" thread to en8uire about this# Aside rom that& I don't think !ou should be repl!ing publicl! to a private report#
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0;-=H-;=01& =%;= >,
NW It "as mis posted in the "rong thread and I'll move it as soon as I get to a computer# I "onder "h!& though& !ou thought it "as a good idea running behind someone's back to get them into trouble "hen the issue is alread! in ront o the public#
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0;-=H-;=01& =%21 >,
V NW& o here's kind o ho" m! thought process "orks at this point#
Your $rst te(t is a completel! reasonable re8uest& "hich she ignored# It ma! be because she "as bus!& it ma! be because she "as tr!ing to piss !ou o3& it ma! be because there "as a rave going on in her house# You and I "ill never
kno"# ,! guess is that !our mind took o3 in the direction o& .I hate this "oman& "h! is she al"a!s doing this to me6. 9o" I get that "hen this happens& it seems like !ou should be angr! at her# But the onl! thing !ou're reall! angr! at is !our lack o control# o notice the anger& and return to the moment "here !ou actuall! can control things#
The ne(t da!& she sends !ou the picture& and then !ou send her a te(t that +umps ahead to assuming she alread! said !es to !ou# 9o" remember ho" pissed !ou elt "hen !ou didn't have control6 Look "hat !ou +ust did to her# You took control a"a! rom her b! not giving her a chance to actuall! sa! !es or no# o it's not overl! surprising that she "ent o3 the "a! she did# And then because she Fips out& !ou once again eel like !ou have no control& "hich angers !ou again#
Be!ond that& !ou then have a three paragraph laundr! list o things that her and her amil! do that piss !ou o3# Which is $ne# I'm not sa!ing !ou have to be ok "ith those things# But !ou are dragging an a"ul lot o the past as "ell as things that !ou can't control into the present# And that prevents !ou rom reall! being and doing "hat !ou "ant# peci$call!& it prevents !ou rom dealing "ith the task at hand in the present#
Look&!ou can sit and ste" in it all !ou "ant# hit& I've spent more o m! lie thinking about an! "orr!ing about shit than probabl! an!one here# But it doesn't do an! good# And almost all o that thinking is about tr!ing to control things that "e can't# Yours is& mine is& and I bet ever! person "ho is here spends time thinking about things the! can't control# It simpl! doesn't do an! good# I have plent! o things in m! lie that I don't like# >robabl! not as important as the health and uture o !our kids& but I could make a list that "ould go on or 8uite a bit about things I don't like# But making that list doesn't change an! o them#
,! advice is this# Be the man !ou "ant !our daughter to be# I can't tell !ou e(actl! "hat to sa! or "hat to do# But +ust remember that it doesn't matter "hat an!one else does# At an! moment& !ou can choose e(actl! ho" !ou "ant to respond and the t!pe o person !ou "ant to be# Nust remember that# You don't have to respond "ith anger# And trust me& the $rst time !ou eel !oursel getting angr! and then realie that& it's like a huge "eight has been lited# You don't have to bring the "hole stor! along "ith !ou# You can be right there and react ho"ever !ou "ant# And "hen !ou do that& "hen !ou break the stor! that has been built& it's amaing ho" people react# Jven i there is no change the $rst time& !ou stick "ith !our ne" approach# Because "ith ever! time that !ou give them something that is di3erent rom the old stor!& it "eakens that stor! and strengthens the ne" one !ou are "riting# And that is ho" !ou bring about actual change#
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0;-=H-;=01& =%; >,
NW That's an absolutel! "onderul response V: ,ade m! "hole da!# I'm going to bookmark it and print it out# Thank !ou %*
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0;-=H-;=01& =H%15 >,
Blackdragon Duote%
Originally Posted by )ar)ithin I yo%re anything like me, yo need to eel things lly or them to go away# 3rom what I gather 56 is not very emotional# 5asi"ally, he is in a good mood by dealt nless something very bad happens, whi"h is a blessing# One o my parents is the same way#
,ore or less correct# I'm happ! all the time unless something ver! bad happens# ome o this is because I had to "ork on this like an! other muscle )"hen I "as much !ounger I "as more angr!*& but a lot o it& perhaps most& is +ust the "a! I "as born# That's "h! I ackno"ledged in the E> that some gu!s are going to have a rougher time "ith this than others& based on the personalit! !ou "ere born "ith andor !our upbringing# But I'll sa! it again###+ust like I can't use the shitt! metabolism I "as born "ith as an e(cuse to be at& more mood! gu!s can't use their personalit! as an e(cuse to be angr! at "omen all the time# Address !our "eaknesses:
Duote%
Originally Posted by ")S @reat st*# 2ow do yo deal with passive aggressive people, the ones who psh that gy7logi", 8I want to be heard!8 btton4
V gave !ou some great adviceP here's m! take# )Nust remember that !ou and I have ver! di3erent emotional needs and look at these circumstances ver! di3erentl!& NW#* Duote%
2ere%s a re"ent example (paraphrased or brevity): 1e: let%s talk s"hedles or the holidays# 6. was asking me i d/ "an visit or a "ople o days over Ehristmas R: ignore Next day R sends me a pi"tre with 6/ sitting on ;anta%s lap 1e: that%s ni"e# &hat days do yo propose she "omes p here, or shold we travel there4
o ar so good# Duote%
hen R >ies into a rant abot how she has NO time o* work over the holidays, how she already had this hge tiring trip in early November (whi"h I paid or), how I shold be @R0<3D9 8yo already have a daghter or Ehristmas!8 0nd more ranting#
I have a ver! strong eeling !ou responded to her ranting& thus making the ranting "orse# What I "ould have done% 7% I have 9E time o3 or the holida!s I can't believe !ou "ould ask or something his this: This is bullshit: ,e% Let's discuss this later "hen !ou're in a better mood# completely ignore all te(ts rom her or at least ; da!s& then tr! againZ Duote%
;he%s blo"ked me on 3a"ebook# 0 "ommon emale riend showed me that her wall is mainly pi"s with her and my daghter, and some events rom /C.C and /C.. 8attended with 9ke8 (me)# 0nd she blo"ked me#
he should not have been on !our /acebook in the $rst place# he should never be on !our /acebook# You think m! e(-"ie is on m! ucking /acebook6 Ca: = o the "omen I'm currentl! ucking are not on m! /acebook# ,! most consistent "oman o man! !ears )CB,* is not on m! /acebook# Wh!6 Because these people gave me /acebook drama or other drama once beore# ?o it once& and !ou'll do it again# Ene strike& !ou're out# I an! "oman gives me an! drama "hatsoever )on /acebook or not* she is never allo"ed on m! /acebook& ever# Ether"ise !ou're +ust going to end up "ith all this stupid /acebook drama /acebook un-riending blocking# tupid# Wh! put !oursel in the position to be upset later# Oeep her o3 !our /acebook orever# I'm sure !our amil! "ill keep !ou apprised o her /B activities "ith !our daughter# Duote%
2er parents make me wait at the end o the driveway like a "ommon "riminal when I go to pi"k p my daghter# he reason is on"e I ond a massive, over>owing ashtray at grond level where my daghter plays and asked them ni"ely to pi"k it p and pla"e it ot o rea"h# hey eed her va""ines, toba""o (indire"tly) and swear words, and treat /?J o her immediate amily as se"ond "lass "itiens or every ma+or holiday# I have no say in any o it# I I say anything I%m ignored or yelled at# ;he reses to talk to me nless my daghter is sitting right there#
I've said this beore# 9ot speci$call! to !ou& but on these orums and else"here# I'll sa! it !et again% You need to A++#,& that% 0# Your e( and !our e('s amil! "ill al"a!s be raising !our daughter in "a!s !ou hate# ;# This "ill al"a!s be true until !our daughter is 05-0H !ears old and there is absolutel!& 0== nothing "hatsoever !ou can do about it# While she's 8uite unhapp! and has some ver! sel-destructive vie"s& the mother o m! daughter is a generall! decent person# Co"ever she screams at m! daughter constantl!& is e(tremel! negative all the time& presents to her a horrible role model as to "hat a happ!& ul$lled "oman should be& lets her eat a horrible diet& badmouths other people in her presence& etc# All kinds o things I completel! disagree "ith# I don't like it at all# But !ears ago I accepted that this is the "a! things "ere going to be and there is absolutel! nothing I could do about it# Ence I came to accept this& m! anger and resentment vanished# I eel a little sad that m! daughter does not have an ideal emale role model to look up to& but I'm not angr! or resentul at all& not the "a! !ou are# Because I have accepted things# You have not# That sill! sa!ing about .accepting the things !ou can't change###. reall! is good and accurate advice#
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0;-=H-;=01& 0=%;= >,
NW A"esome reminders& V and B?# Thanks ver! much or this thread:
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0;-0=-;=01& =H%20 >,
ancestor Duote%
Originally Posted by zylya
his is an ad hominem atta"k (and yo even "all or him to ad hominem ba"k) and thereore against the Posting Rles# $o%re wel"ome to dis"ss or arge, bt don%t resort to personal atta"ks#
Yes indeed to point out his recurring behaviour# Ce +ust asked on the previous page is someone "as drunk# But that is ok I guess# I mean& it has to be& since that is his ,E# are !ou (6 ( being insane& drunk etc### I !ou cant argue a point +ust shout something personal& get do"n and dirt! and divert# That is "h! I said& "orked out so ar# There "as a poster on t-nation )still active I think* that "orked himsel up to 2=k posts& proessorK is his name# Ce had the e(act same ,E and scared o3 all the reasonable posters# Nust sa!ing# When the! $nall! invited him he "as a at gu! that hissed himsel through a regular "orkout# 7emarkabl! unn!# But I guess !ou decide on the direction !ou "ant to go here so& "ell have un# I have no intention on becoming a mod here# ancestor
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0;-0=-;=01& =H%2 >,
!l!a Duote%
Originally Posted by ancestor $es indeed to point ot his re"rring behavior# 2e +st asked on the previos page is someone was drnk# 5t that is ok I gess# I mean, it has to be, sin"e that is his 1O# are yo x4 x being insane, drnk et"### I yo "ant arge a point +st shot something personal, get down and
dirty and divert# hat is why I said, worked ot so ar# here was a poster on t7nation (still a"tive I think) that worked himsel p to KCk posts, proessor= is his name# 2e had the exa"t same 1O and s"ared o* all the reasonable posters# Bst saying# &hen they -nally invited him he was a at gy that hissed himsel throgh a reglar workot# Remarkably nny# 5t I gess yo de"ide on the dire"tion yo want to go here so, well have n# I have no intention on be"oming a mod here# an"estor
NW's post "as reported as "ell and it "as agreed that "hile drunk came close to being ad hominem& the implication is simpl! that the post lacks logic# ?runk is a temporar! state& stupidit! is permanent& "hich is the "a! "e decided the di3erence# Insane "ould also be ad hominem& but are !ou high "ouldn't or similar reasons# I !ou have an! other posts in mind that break the posting guidelines& rom NW or an!one else& please report them b! using the little triangle "ith a ':' inside that is on ever! post& rather than taking matters into !our o"n hands# This alerts the moderators to a potential rule violation - there are too e" o us to read ever! single post& and so the s!stem relies a little on the posters themselves# I a post has been made that !ou believe is against the rules& let us kno" and "e'll take a look# I !ou "ant to continue this discussion an! urther& please private message me - I'm happ! to talk about it "ith !ou& but don't "ant to derail this topic %*
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NW Also in m! deence& the poster admitted to posting drunk beore# o it "as not intended as an insult& +ust that I ound his repl! non se8uitur and surprising# When I'm drunk I'm also non se8uitur and surprising %*
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0;-0;-;=01& =5%2 A,
Buddha-ibe Duote%
Originally Posted by his is another thing that I think everyone battles# 3or me, a big part o solving this has been getting otside mysel and learning to appre"iate what the other person is going throgh# 1editation helps a lot in terms o noti"ing internal thoght patterns# ;o it%s almost like i I%m in a meeting and someone isn%t listening to me abot how I think something shold be done, I hear mysel going, 8&hat the "k is wrong with yo48 I noti"e mysel in that thoght pattern, a""ept it, and redire"t towards, 8ell me more abot what yo are thinking#8 On"e they do that, yo are present with them# 0nd rom there, it%s the simple task o redire"ting towards the end goal# his is done with something like, 8Ok, I see what yo%re saying# &e%re trying to a""omplish =# &hi"h one o these is going to be best48 /he easiest +ay to be heard is to hear someone else completely 0rst. Be present +ith the situation in front of you1 not +ith your o+n +ants and desires. On"e again, this is something that I have "ome p every day# 5t as yo start to do it more and more oten, yo eel a lot o the brden being lited o having to be right and know everything as yo go throgh this pro"ess#
This entire post& but especiall! the highlighted sentences& speak volumes about communication# Thanks or posting this#
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0;-0-;=01& =4% A,
hangman Duote%
Originally Posted by ")S 0lso in my deen"e, the poster admitted to posting drnk beore# ;o it was not intended as an inslt, +st that I ond his reply non seitr and srprising# &hen I%m drnk I%m also non seitr and srprising :)
I "as a"a! or a e" da!s because o some "ork stu3& but looks like a lot o shit happened here during that period#
