iNLPCenter Life Metaphor

Metaphors: the driving force behind

YOUR LIFE

iNLP Center Publishing • By Mike Bundrant

Metaphors: The Driving Force Behind Your Life

Table of Contents Introduction............................................................1 Life Metaphors ........................................................4 Identifying Your Current Life Metaphor.................9 Adopting a New Life Metaphor...............................11 My New Life Metaphor worksheet..........................12


2

Play AUDIO 1 The most enduring teacher in Western history was a committed storyteller. Jesus taught in parables. Stories such as the Prodigal’s Son, the Ten Lepers and the Wise Man (who built his house upon a rock) have found a permanent place in our cultural consciousness. Why are stories such effective teaching devices and what does this have to do with your health? Our concept of existence is metaphorical in nature. We can only comprehend life, objects and ourselves by association, which is the broad meaning of metaphor - to understand one thing in terms of another. The earth is a tiny ball floating through space. Associating the earth with a floating ball helps us put things in a context that fosters understanding. Here are some other examples: • The brain is like a computer • Life is a test • Time is money • College is like a 24/7 party • Argument is war The metaphor we choose or inherit, often deeply unconscious, holds tremendous power over how we feel, think, behave and interact with other people. Consider the metaphor “argument is war.” With this paradigm in place, just showing up to a confrontation can be stressful. The language we use to describe arguments gives it away: • I've never won an argument with him. • You disagree? Okay, shoot! • If you use that strategy, he'll wipe you out. • He shot down all of my arguments. • Your claims are indefensible. • He attacked every weak point in my argument. • His criticisms were right on target. • I demolished his argument. In Western culture, we can actually win or lose arguments. We see the other as an opponent. We defend, resist, retreat, attack and even call for reinforcements. We gain ground, lose ground and assess casualties. So much of our understanding of arguing is structured by the concept of war! Couldn’t this be why arguing is unpleasant for most of us? Imagine a culture where arguments are not viewed as war, where no one wins or loses and there is no victory or defeat possible. Instead, what if an argument were seen as a dance? Rather than winning or losing, the goal would be to enjoy each other and the process, with a focus on balance. We could take turns leading, change up the pace, follow a formal pattern or dance more casually. If we were to argue like we dance rather than how we fight wars, the process and the end result would change so dramatically that it wouldn’t be recognizable. Such is the pervasive hold upon us that metaphors have and no area of life is immune. Try to explain or describe even the most concrete aspect of your health, such as your body, without slipping into a metaphorical description within a few sentences. My body is a physical object, full of organs, nerves, muscles, bones and so forth; it is the house I live in while…. My body is full of cells that function to keep me alive. Each cell has a different function, like a large organization with…. My brain is comprised of nerves that run the entire body, much a like an orchestra conductor…. It is impossible not to use metaphors to understand life. This is how our brains are wired (another metaphor). So, what is your body: A prison or a playground? A temple for God’s spirit or an animal? Or is your body like a clunky old refrigerator? How you see your body is the foundation of how you treat it (Hint: your actions give away the metaphor. If you claim that your body is a temple, but you treat it like a saloon, then the temple metaphor is just wishful thinking).


3

To take it a step further, how does your doctor see your body? What is his metaphor? Are you like an old car with worn out parts, ready for the scrap heap? Or, are you a source of renewable energy? Your health care provider’s metaphors have a more profound influence on his decisions than his specific training in medicine, which has also been informed by metaphor. Imagine the differences in decisions made by doctors who see patients as “meat machines” that break down and wear out vs. those who see patients as having miraculous potential for renewal, with every day being the sunrise of a new life. As with the arguing example, changing our metaphors for health and medicine would make the existing medical concepts, practices and technology nearly unrecognizable. It is amazing that we haven’t looked at this basic issue more comprehensively, given its pervasive influence on every aspect of life. Health metaphors have potential to radically reorganize every aspect of wellness including medicine, the health care system, prevention and daily decisions that determine our quality of life. So wouldn’t it be true that the metaphor we see our lives through would affect the way we live our daily life. Metaphorical understanding applies to life as a whole.


4

Life Metaphors A Life Straightening Out Walking through Yoyogi Park near the old Olympic training center in Tokyo, Akiko found the most profound twig. The way it formed, with knots and painful-looking turns and at one end, reminded her of the childhood she weathered while living with her aunt in Northern Japan. The twig straightened out gradually in the middle and, in spite of a few minor blemishes that added character, began to point straight and true toward a smooth, unassuming finish. Akiko found this new symbol of herself halfway though an NLP training and by the end had shared several new insights gained with the class. Through this ordinary piece of groundcover, Akiko was developing a new story for her life; a new way of understanding her past, present and future that would lead to a healthy and productive life. The following year Akiko returned to class with her twig in hand. As she explained to the group about her discovery of the twig while meditating in the park, Akiko noted that she felt she was mostly through the middle “straightening out” portion of her life and had already caught a glimpse of the future, which looked relatively stable and smooth. With a growing sense of concern that Akiko might be too attached to her stick and perhaps even a bit delusional about her smooth future, I asked her how life was going in more practical terms. Akiko immediately reported that in the previous year she: • Ended a relationship with a disrespectful boyfriend and was getting comfortable living alone • Became more productive at work and got a promotion • Had a long-awaited discussion with her parents about her childhood experience at her aunt’s house while they traveled abroad for two years. Akiko was able to express her severe disappointment and pain that her parents would abandon her, leaving her with a somewhat neglectful aunt. Her parents were also able to explain their reasons for temporarily relocating to New York City and at length apologized and admitted it was a significant mistake. • Lost 15 pounds • Felt a growing degree of happiness and satisfaction with her life She mentioned that whenever she felt unsure of herself or lacked direction during the past year, she would sit with her twig, notice it’s rough past and straight, smooth future, with a turning point in the middle, then take courage to make the right decision. Fair enough, Akiko! Looks like your new life metaphor – a life straightening out – is a fit. Keep it. And don’t lose that twig! Whether our life metaphors are held consciously, as in Akiko’s case, or unconsciously, we all have them. Metaphors can be physical, as with the twig, or conceptual, such as “life is a test.” The function of the metaphor is to create a clear and unmistakable, positive understanding of your life that guides your beliefs, actions, decisions and general reactions to what happens in the world around you. Transitioning from an unconscious, outdated and even harmful metaphor to a powerful and productive one changes your entire orientation. Here are some examples of metaphors and the results they might produce.


Metaphor: Life is a test. Perspective: We can succeed or fail at the test of life, depending on how much effort we apply.

How I respond to challenges or solve problems: Strive to prepare well, perform well and know what I am getting myself into

How I see myself: As the one being graded – I must measure up and pass the test!

Strengths of this metaphor: Encourages me to take personal responsibility and perform well.

How I see others: As teachers who can help me learn; as students I an teach; as competitors for the best grade.

Weaknesses of this metaphor: Makes me take life to seriously, stress out and skip the fun parts.

Metaphor: Life is suffering. Perspective: How I respond to challenges or solve problems: Nobody’s life is easy. The sooner we understand the With dutiful resignation. I can’t complain, but that inherent difficulty of life, the sooner we will come to doesn’t make it easy. I do the best I can. accept our suffering, the bad times and even leave a little room for joy. Strengths of this metaphor: Encourages compassion toward others and easier How I see others: acceptance of my limitations. We’re all in this together. My family and friends suffer as I do. No one is immune. Weaknesses of this metaphor: How I see myself: I always have an excuse for not doing my absolute I am someone doing the best I can under the best. It encourages victimhood. circumstances.

Metaphor: Life is a mystery. Perspective: No one really knows the meaning of life. We are here to appreciate the mystery of it all and make the most of our time.

How I respond to challenges or solve problems: On a good day, with curiosity, wondering what I will learn and where it will lead. On a bad day, with fear, not knowing what could possibly happen next.

How I see others: As fellow sojourners making sense of the nonsense as best they can, each one seeing the world in her own way, which only adds to the mystery.

Strengths of this metaphor: Leads to openness, curiosity and appreciation for multiple perspectives on life. Leaves room for a lot of learning.

How I see myself: Weaknesses of this metaphor: As an explorer, learning what I can, putting pieces of Lacks certainty. Seems like no one is in charge and the puzzle together in small ways, yet knowing I will this is scary. never see the big picture. It’s fun to make sense of what I can and let the rest go.

5


6

Play AUDIO 2 Now you try. Choose three metaphors listed below and try to put yourself in the perspective of life in that metaphor. After choosing, please complete the following exercises. To make it more interesting, choose one optomistic, one pessimistic and one neutral. Life is a dance.

Life is an assignment from God.

Life is a party.

Life is a game.

Life is a race.

Life is temporary inconvenience.

Life is an adventure.

Life is a roller coaster.

Life is art.

Life is a journey.

Life is a punishment.

Life is a play (drama).

Life is hell.

Life is a battle.

Life is business.

Life is self-discovery.

Life is a drag.

Life is a game.

Life is a romance.

Life is a courtroom.

Life is a burden.

Metaphor: ____________________________________________________ Perspective: How I see others:

How I see myself:

How I respond to challenges or solve problems:

Strengths of this metaphor:

Weaknesses of this metaphor:

Metaphors: The Driving Force Behind Your Life Metaphor: ____________________________________________________ Perspective: How I see others:

How I see myself:





How I see myself:


7


8



Physical metaphors or symbols of what life is can be extraordinarily powerful when they fit, especially if you can carry them with you or display them. Try one on and see how you answer the same questions. Here are some examples from my NLP students: A rock that looked like a “mini moutain” A rose petal A twig

A ball of yarn A picture of John Wayne A rabbit’s foot A set of dice


How I see myself:




A book of poems A silver infinity symbol A wedding ring A lump of clay


9

Identifying Your Current Life Metaphor Identifying your current life metaphor is NOT necessary in order to adopt a new metaphor. It can, however, help you make sense of your life thus far. What metaphor has been silently guiding your life? How do you act? Are you burdened or burned out? If so, you may have some heavy metaphor eating away at you. Is your life largely spontaneous and fun? What metaphor is behind that? Answer the following questions to explore what you current life metaphor may be. Play AUDIO 3

When I really think about it, life is like…..

If I were to be honest, day to day living is….

Sometimes, when I wake up in the middle of the night, I think I am…

The problems in my life are like….

I struggle in life because…..

A physical object that symbolizes my life thus far is…..

All things considered my life metaphor is….

Life is (like) _________________________________________

Metaphors: The Driving Force Behind Your Life Now answer the following questions using your metaphor: Perspective: How I see others:

How I see myself:




10


11

Adopting a New Life Metaphor Adopting a new metaphor is simple. Whether or not it sticks is a much more complicated matter. Some NLP practitioners believe it is necessary for the new metaphor to be personally ecological (not too much downside) in order for it to stick. Others believe rehearsal is key and ask students to remind themselves of the new metaphor daily. Still others don’t claim to know why some new metaphors stick and others turn out to be wishful thinking. It is universally accepted, however, that encouraging a new life metaphor to stick around and become full y operational requires openness, curiosity and a willingness to explore new ideas, coupled with patience. Given the above, a new metaphor for your life is a virtual certainty. Explore the possibilities with the remainder of this workbook, keeping in mind the following: 1. When your new metaphor sticks, you will know it. It may be subtle, but you’ll feel it. You will see life differently and notice things you have never noticed before. This is a powerful shift that cannot be mistaken. If you’re wondering if a new metaphor has “kicked in” it probably hasn’t. 2. You cannot necessarily choose the moment. Like forgiving a friend or family member, the change comes when it’s ready. Studying, meditating, and staying open are essential elements, but you don’t necessarily choose the moment of transformation. 3. Gentle awareness of the issue is enough. Don’t try to evict an old metaphor and force a new one on your brain. Trust the process and yourself. Things happen when they are supposed to.


My New Life Metaphor worksheet AUDIO 4 Write down, brainstorming style, your endings to the following sentences. I’d like my life to be more like….

Realistically, this is possible because….

If my life were more like…then….

The primary obstacles that prevent my life from being like……are….

If I were to drop my old life metaphor…..

The problem with dropping my old life metaphor…..

I can drop my old life metaphor if…

The problem with adopting a new life metaphor is…

12

Metaphors: The Driving Force Behind Your Life I can adopt a new life metaphor if….

I’ll integrate my new life metaphor into my daily awareness by…

My desired Life Metaphor is…… Life is (like) ______________________________________

Again, complete the following with your new metaphor. Perspective:

How I see others:

How I see myself:




13


14

Play AUDIO 5 A simple exercise for Integrating your new Life Metaphor Do the following: 1. With your eyes closed, hold your new life metaphor in mind. What does it look like, sound like, feel like? If your metaphor is a physical object, then hold it as well, if you can. 2. Imagine what it looks like, sounds like, feels like to live your life with this new metaphor firmly in place. Mentally travel through an ordinary day and into your future, taking your new metaphor with you. If your new metaphor is “Life is a Adventure” imagine taking this paradigm with you. How will you see the world? How will you respond differently? What new opportunities might arise for you? 3. Practice this brief exercise a few times every week until it feels natural to you and you begin to notice the effects of the new metaphor in your life.

iNLPCenter Life Metaphor

Recommend Documents