15 Signs a Girl Will Waste Your Time www.girlschase.com /content/15-signs-girl-will-waste-your-time I see a lot of guys starting out who devote themselves to trying to hook up with girls who are, to a more experienced eye, clearly just bad leads: they’re women who are willing to continue to hang around a guy, and continue to let him hope he has a chance with them (whether because they want the attention, or because he is too blinded by hope to pay attention to the clear signals they’re sending him). The sad thing about distractions like this is that a girl like this will literally waste your time – you could be off meeting women who legitimately like you and find you attractive (and would very much like a roll in the hay with you), but instead you squander your entire outing on a woman who, for all practical purposes, really presents very little value in exchange for the time you spend on her. Now, it’s all well and good for you to make female friends and friends and get to know women better, and, particularly as a beginner-tointermediate, you should absolutely be doing this (in particular, make friends with the demographics of women you’d most like to date, so you can empathize with and with and relate to these to these sorts of women more easily). However, one thing you should not be doing is confusing women who have no intention of shacking up with you for women worth your persistence and sticking around for. That in mind, here are fifteen (15) signs a girl will waste your time... and that you should probably probably cut bait and move onto the next girl.
#1: She’s in ‘Party Mode’
1/17
This is one I discussed originally in my ebook, How to Make Girls Chase , where I talked about the different kinds of ‘modes’ a woman may be in when you meet her (like ‘Unsocial Mode’ or ‘Find a Boyfriend’ mode), and highlighted the deceptiveness of ‘Party Mode’. You know the girl in party mode... she’s: The wildest one on the dance floor Shaking her sequined behind like the world’s coming to an end Got a cadre of bug-eyed men standing around her staring like she’s the hottest thing they’ve ever seen But when a girl is that hopped up, twirling and twisting and shaking, and saying to herself, “I want to dance, dance, dance!” is she also thinking about how badly she wants a man to take her home and toss her in bed? Nope. Sexuality is a much lower energy level – it is not all over the place. Women in party mode are not in a sexually receptive state. Which is why you see them deflecting man after man who approaches them (an additional reason why is because when a woman is feeling that good, and fending off that many men, if you aren’t coming in extremely high value AND are clearly one of the most attractive or highest status men the venue has on offer, you’re going in with the odds firmly weighted against you). You can sometimes pick up a ‘party mode’ girl at the end of the night, once the venue has closed down, when to keep her energy up she has to pick whatever guy seems like the most fun to keep the party going with. But this is purely an endurance sport – it isn’t so much ‘game’. It’s mostly about who’s still standing and taking shots when the lights come on. Women in party mode are NOT the women to approach; instead, talk to their calmer-looking friends seated in the booth, ignored by the masses of men hypnotized by party girl’s frantic rump-twisting.
2/17
#2: She Resists Simple Compliance
If she resists even simple forms of compliance, like: Giving you her hand Turning her body toward you Telling you a little about herself Moving a few feet with you when asked to Showing you that item of hers you asked to inspect ... then you’re certainly not going to get more advanced levels of compliance (like having her agree to come home to you, or to get in bed with you and have sex , for that matter), either. While it is possible for more advanced ladies men to sometimes eke out investment from highly resistant women, and while it can be fun to try when you know what you’re doing and a worthwhile test when you don’t, unless you’re really up for a challenge and aren’t worried about the low percentage odds women like this yield, then the moment you see this sign, drop her and move on. Find women you can get to say yes instead.
#3: She’s “Not Looking to Date Right Now”
3/17
EVERY woman is looking to date “right now”, provided she meets the right man. When you get this one, it means either: She’s super busy with other things, and you’d have to be her dream guy to pry her away from that... and you’re not her dream guy, or It’s simply a “shoo, go away” response she’s using because she just wasn’t impressed by your approach / presentation Don’t take it personal, every guy gets this from time to time. If you like, you can toss out a witty remark here, like, “Who said anything about ‘ dating’?”... but if she doesn’t do an about-face and warm up dramatically to that, I advise you to jump ship.
#4: She’s “Kind of Seeing Someone”
4/17
This line is like “I have a boyfriend ”, except worse: she isn’t even saying it’s that serious. She’s using some vague, shaky relationship as her defense against any romantic involvement with you. Women will sometimes say “I have a boyfriend” simply to give you a heads up they are attached so you know what you’re getting into if you proceed; that way, if you continue to court them and sleep with them, they can put their hands up and say, “Hey, I told him I had a boyfriend... it’s his fault I cheated!” Not so with “I’m kind of seeing someone” – this one’s deadly. If she’s legitimately “kind of seeing someone” and actually finds you attractive, she won’t even mention him, because he’s not a real boyfriend (and she won’t feel like she owes him anything, or like she needs absolve herself of any guilt). When you hear this one, there’s only one thing it means: I’m grasping for any loose connection I can find to dissuade you from pursuit.
#5: She’s a Big Flirt
5/17
A little touch and a little flattery is enough to make any guy feel like this girl must have the raging hots for her. Usually, most guys won’t even realize that a woman who does this with them also does it with every other remotely-attractive man she comes in contact with. Everyone has her modus operandi. Assume that the way she’s behaving with you, unless you’ve done something really special (and if she’s flirting with you within a few minutes of you meeting her, you probably haven’t done anything really special), is simply how she behaves with everyone. As I discussed in “The Paradox of the Flirty Girl ”, women who are genuinely interested in you may be a little flirty, but usually they will tend to be shy and/or excited; women feel submissive around men they are attracted to, while women who are assertively touching and flattering you are doing so from a place of dominance. A simple test to find out if her flirting is “for real” or if she’s only doing it because she loves the validation admiring men provide: begin escalating compliance with her and asking for increasing amounts of investment as you move the seduction forward. Does she comply? If she gets uncomfortable and balks, congrats – you’ve just outed her. You may now confidently move on to locate women more interested in a physical engagement with you, rather than merely a flirtatious one.
#6: She “Just Wants to be Friends”
6/17
I don’t think there’s too much I need to say on this one. If you’re fairly advanced with women (i.e., you’re able to take at least one new lover a month of roughly the kind and quality of woman you well like), you may be able to turn around women who tell you they “just want to be friends” (You: [sly smile] “Of course we can be... friends”), but if you’re anywhere short of this, your best bet is almost invariably going to be to cut and run. In case you need more convincing, though, give these articles a look:
#7: She Does the “Hmm?” Thing on Opening
7/17
This one’s a tad subtle, but... ever open a girl, only to have her turn to you and go, “Hmmmmm?” in that rising tone? As if she is the butler at the old haunted mansion opening the door saying, “Yeesssss??”, or perhaps the bespectacled librarian forced to turn her attention from the engrossing romance novel she’s poring over and address your probably-stupid question? The rising tone “hmmm?” is always a sign you’ve met a woman who regards you as lower status to herself, and often it means you are interrupting her thoughts. I’ve had a few successes with girls like this, always via ‘dumb guy game’ where I just come across as the kinda dumb, funny, sexual guy... because I guess that works with a woman viewing herself as higher status and more erudite than you. Better not to get into a battle of wits with her (even if you win, you’ll lose). However, unless you’re much good at running this style of dumb/sexual/funny game coupled with quick escalation and non-traditional dating, you’re unlikely to get anything other than slightly-condescending “Okay, I’ve answered your question, run along now” receptions from women women who kick off with “Hmm?” Your best bet is to bail. (detail note: if you’re curious as to why this is, it’s because a woman who responds to your opener this way is replying nonverbally to your [probably verbal] opener, using a significantly lower level of effort , which is somewhat unfriendly on the opener, while also behaving as if you have bothered or annoyed her, albeit in a very polite way. The combination of much lower effort + she’s bothered + yet still polite toward you does much to position you as an interloper chasing after her, and her as merely politely entertaining your interruption. It’s a socially powerful move on her part, but not one you’d use with a man you’re remotely interested in – she’s essentially throwing you under the bus on open )
8/17
#8: Her Friends Have an Iron Grip on Her
Even if you really hit it off with a girl, if her friends are policing her like hawks and cockblocking you at every step, it’s time to move on. Now, if the cockblocking is only somewhat bad, you can often get around it... see my article on this: How to Stop a Cockblock (Without Breaking a Sweat) However, if they are angrily and insistently separating you from her, it’s a lost cause. The reasons friends will do this so violently include: She’s drunk (or they think she’s drunk) and they don’t trust her decision-making She’s emotionally compromised (e.g., just had a big fight with her boyfriend), and they want to prevent her from making a ‘bad decision’ They’re tired of the place and want to go home, while she’s latched onto you to try and find someone she can stay out with – in this case, the friends are working to detach her so everyone can head home together (you may occasionally win here if the girl really likes you, and the friends just give up and say, “Fine,” and tell you to take care of her... so if you notice the friends are all trying to go home while she stays latched onto you, sometimes it’s worth hanging around a bit to see if you can outlast them. Should this happen, make sure you invite her home within about 15 or 25 minutes – she may protest to leaving, but she won’t want to stay out by herself) She’s deliberately messing with them, and going for men she knows they won’t approve of (like you); in this case, she often won’t actually be attracted to you, but is flirting heavily with you merely to aggravate her overly-protective / uptight friends. You can occasionally sleep with girls this way, as some women will sleep with you just to upset their friends, but usually all that happens is they finally let their friends pull
9/17
them away from you, or they finally get their friends to leave them alone, then ditch you once the drama’s over. Unless you can get the girl to follow your lead and comply with your compliance requests, you should bail when you see this one
#9: She’s Insanely Drunk
Not only are drunk women a liability in today’s rape witch-hunt environment, where the magic of false rape accusations transforms sloppy, inebriated, yet consensual sex into bank-account-draining, reputation-shattering, life-destroying criminal allegations, but there are a lot of other big minuses to hooking up with very drunk girls too: They can get really sloppy, and you may go to the washroom only to find the girl you were planning to take home is now making out with half the bar. Sure, you can pull her off and take her with you... but do you still really want to? One second she’s making out with you in bed, the next she’s fast asleep snoring, and not even an air horn would wake her. And she won’t put out the next morning either because she’s hung over and barely even remembers you. You’ve gone from “almost had sex” to “some drunk girl passed out in my bed last night” just like that Vomiting – there’s little worse than a girl vomiting up an evening’s worth of beef tacos and mixed drinks, then leaping on you and sticking her tongue down your throat (without brushing her teeth). Depending on how queasy you were already feeling yourself, you might just have to go blow chunks now too The sex is terrible. She’ll be awful, and if you’re as drunk as she is so will you. Not to mention the propensity of drunk people to make bad decisions... going in bareback and cumming inside her? Who’s up for an STD check + pregnancy scare?
10/17
My general advice on sex and alcohol, as a formerly heavy drinker who spent a lot of time meeting women in clubs and parties while often blacked out drunk himself, is that you stick to no more than one drink an hour yourself, and that you stick to women who are not drunk too. If you hit it off with a girl who’s a little too drunk, try to get her drinking water and let her sober up a bit before you pull her. Have her drink more water at home. And if she’s very drunk, just tell her friends to take care of her and make sure she gets home safely, and go meet a girl who’s more coherent.
#10: She’s “Really Busy Right Now”
This is another variation on “not looking to date right now”, and it means the same thing. It’s true, there are various times during a woman’s life when she is more or less available to date various men who approach her. Meet her during one of the more open times, and she may pencil you in for a date even if her gut instinct is “meh”. And there are other times when she simply doesn’t have much free time available for romance. However, if she really liked you, she’d find a time to fit you in, no matter how darn busy she is. You can take her number and ping her a month or two down the line, and perhaps she’ll be in a better position to meet up with you. Or she might just have a boyfriend by then, whom she wasn’t “too busy for” when she met him after you. Either way, this one’s usually a simple brush off (and one you won’t get if you’re closer to her ideal). Don’t waste much time pining after her .
#11: Her “Phone is Busted”
11/17
I’ve successfully slept with women who did not have working phones when they met me. Usually, however, this is just a bald-faced lie from a girl who doesn’t want to give you her phone number . The way you can tell is by how quickly and naturally she reacts: if she seems honestly upset or distressed, and answers smoothly and immediately, that her phone is broken or was stolen, no worries; take her email and follow up that way. But if you get the pause, followed by the “Oh... he wants my number” look, followed by an awkward, “Well, my phone is broken, why don’t you give me yours?” response, just laugh, tell her not to worry about it, and excuse yourself. More willing women await.
#12: She Wants to Trade Social Media Accounts
12/17
If she wants to trade Facebook / Instagram / whatever accounts instead of phone numbers (“How about we trade Facebooks? I’m always on”), it’s a brush off. I see guys pop up now and then who say, “Hey, Facebook’s become really common these days... is it okay to trade Facebook and message on there now?” but it’s still the same hopeful delusion you’d get around this in 2006 and 2007, when Facebook was newer and more intimate (and you actually could meet women on there, with enough work): “Oh, she wants to trade Facebook accounts! I can just IM her on there or send her messages!” Doesn’t work. Facebook is for her to build her fan base ; if you want to date or sleep with her, take her phone number. If she won’t give you her phone number, you’re only going to be another +1 on her Facebook account who occasionally likes her photos along with 9 or 10 other ‘hopefuls’, and gets a comment from her on something he’s posted once every 6 months, inspiring renewed hope that maybe she likes him and encouraging him to like her photos and comment on her updates all over again. The best answer when a girl asks to trade social media accounts: “I’m not on Facebook / Instagram / Twitter. Here, let me get your cell.” If she won’t give you that, she merely wants your adoration, not your seed.
#13: Her Boyfriend’s Draped All Over Her
13/17
Sometimes you may encounter a girl who’s interested in you, and even sexually forward with you. Only, her boyfriend (or some guy you assume is her boyfriend ) is draped all over her. His mate-guarding is dialed up to the top of the dimmer. While it’s possible to pull girls like this, particularly if you can sneak them outside or into the washroom for a quickie, it’s logistically difficult, and takes some pretty advanced game. Not to mention by continuing to hang around and allow her to use you as a tool to make him jealous, you are letting her put a target on your back. It doesn’t matter if you can kick the guy’s butt in a fight. Even if you can, he may still get off a good hit or two, and odds are you’ll leave the night with a few shiners on your face and some bruised knuckles courtesy his face, without the pleasure of enjoying his girlfriend’s intimate companionship. Be very wary of girls who are using you to make their boyfriends jealous. This is an age-old female strategy of pitting one male against another to make the woman feel more desired and to remind her man of just how valuable she really is to him. Look for the signs a girl is this kind of girl – I talked about them here: Girl Has a Boyfriend? 3 Things to Do and 7 Things NOT to
#14: She’s “Done with the Hook Up Scene”
14/17
Any time a girl tells you she’s “done with the hook up scene”, she is telling you, in no uncertain terms, that: She’s allowed plenty of men to shag shortly after meeting her in the past However, she’s grown tired of being shagged, then chucked aside Therefore, you must show your devotion to her if you want to sleep with her It’s an accidentally-insulting thing for most men to hear, akin to telling a woman “I’m done buying women flowers and taking them to fancy restaurants and to exotic locations. I just want a woman who’s comfortable sitting at home with me in sweats watching Netflix.” That said, even if you’re content to plunge ahead regardless, there’s an additional message buried within this one: “I’m the type of girl who hooks up with men, but I’m not interested in hooking up with YOU.” This kind of thing is true of all women, of course – all women will hook up with men, provided they are the right men with the right logistics, met in the right circumstances. And even the most promiscuous of women encounter men they have no interest in hooking up with, yet might be open to letting wine and dine them. However, when a woman is willing to come out and tell you this to your face, it displays a lack of any real attraction to you that can be hard to get around. It means you’re kaput; if you hear it, walk away or end the date (as nicely as possible), and go meet someone else. The one exception: if a woman does not say this directly to your face, about you, but rather mentions it in passing in conversation: “I’m just so done with the hook up scene.” In this case, it can simply be her attempting to increase her value, and is simple posturing. If you’re intermediate or better, you will probably be able to deal with this one with little difficulty (i.e., just ignore the remark and follow your process).
#15: She Gets Weird When You Ask Her Home 15/17
If you invite a woman to go home with you, and she acts shy, or excited-but-outraged (“But we just met!”), that’s fine. She may be playing, or she may just need to spend a little more time with you first. Perhaps take her for a walk or to get something to drink, then try again. Or, if your instincts are good, and you can tell she’s quite excited, you may try being a little insistent and getting her to come home with you straightaway anyway. However, if you invite a woman home and you get a genuinely weird reaction, like: She is grossed out you would even ask She is surprised, dumbstruck, or behaves mildly frightened She begins to pull back, cross her arms, or try to ‘get away’ ... cut the chord and get out. This mostly happens when you’ve done a poor job displaying sexual intent / conveying a sexual vibe / building sexual tension, and now she suddenly feels betrayed: here was this guy she thought she was having this nice platonic time with, and now suddenly he wants sex. Feels like a knife in the back, she thinks. In this case, realize you messed up by playing it too safe early on, you’ve already wasted your time, and there’s really nothing else worth doing here than bidding her farewell (and possibly apologizing for having misled her or for not having been more upfront with her). In this case, it would seem, you’ve wasted her time as much as she’s wasted yours.
Girls Who’ll Waste Your Time... They’re out there, and they are legion.
16/17
Fortunately, once you know the signs to look for, it’s possible to recognize them pretty early on, and screen them out. Just focus on being your sexy self and asking women to comply and invest. Any women who’s not interested in spending time around a sexual man and following his lead will quickly out herself. It’s tremendously important to not waste your time. Wasting time on women who are bad leads is demoralizing: these women distract you from women who are genuinely interested in you as a partner and mate, and typically provide little value aside from an education in what not to do and the importance of screening women out as much as in. Just remember that women want attention and resources from men, including (and perhaps even especially) from men they have little intention of sleeping with or dating. You must be able to identify these women, and ferret them out. Again, of course, if you genuinely want a friendship with a woman, that’s one thing. But if your objective is ‘sex’, and she clearly doesn’t share the same objective, it’s best you cut ties and find a gal who’s inline with what you’re after. You’ll save your time, and get to please those women who truly want you, instead of those who merely want your time... and nothing more. Chase
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