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et what you want from your husband (using feminine charm ) using
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© Copyright 2012 by Emanate All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any language, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any formor by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the express permission of the copyright owner.
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cookie ’ a day keeps the hubby ...
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able of C ontents
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y Dear S ister … M ore C ookie ... Undress Me ... Never S ay Never ...
M #1 #2 #3
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ll bout ve weet harity allelujah! aby oll ast ords
#4 #5 #6 #7 L
A A E ...15 S C ...17 H ...19 B D ...21 W ...23
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ssalamu alaikum dear sister ,
A
Firstly, I would like to say how much pleasure it gives knowing that you decided to download this eBook and in sha Allah benet from the small but hard-to-nd gems that are in here. I pray that this eBook will be of benet to you and if you decide to share it with another sister it will benet and improve her life as well. Some people will nd this book shocking and might dismiss the content because they think that sexual topics cannot be par t of a Muslim sisters’ discussion. However, I do believe that we all do have sexual intercourse with our husbands and this is where our children have come from. Of course, Allah SWT has made this lawful and beautiful for spouses so it is a topic we need to discuss today even more than ever.
I have been asked so many times to give advice on how you can keep your husband or why my sisters have problems in their marriages. Many do not realise where the problem is and many of them blame their husbands.
e is not caring ; e doesn ’t love me ; e stays out all day and comes home to sleep ; e doesn ’t help around the house ; e doesn ’t takes the children for walks .
H H H H H
I am sure that even one of these comments, at some point in your life, applied to you as well. And naturally, what is a woman’s reaction in order to ‘punish’ her husband? Withholding sex from him. Or if she gives it to him, it's after lots of nagging and asking. And even then it is not pleasurable - it is a chore.
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Now let’s start from the beginning. Being raised in our Muslim communities, sex is usually not a topic we have discussed openly and our mothers almost never taught us anything about sex. We see it as something that non-Muslims do for pleasure and that it is labelled ‘haram’ or involves bad dealings.
seducing your
In many discussions, I have used the words ‘
husband ’ and sisters have just felt shell-shocked, saying, “How can I manipulate my husband into something like this?” Dear sisters, you are not. Then I have asked men same thing, “How do you feel when she seduces you?” and he says, “I love it. It is fun, amazing, and it brings us closer.” After this, I did my research. All the men that I asked about the word seduction said that they loved it not for its literal translation but for what it stands for.
eduction stands for games , love , fun , closeness with your spouse , foreplay and that secret code of communication that only the two of you share in your private moments . S
There are some very easy and small things that we as Muslim wives can do to please our husbands and for us to be pleased, feel loved and happy in our marriages. Research shows that around 80% of a good marriage is what happens in the bedroom. My personal research on this topic shows exactly the same. And before you judge, my beloved sisters, I want to show you the small secrets you can do to discover a whole new world of intimacy with your other half that will bring you closer not only physically – but also spiritually. After all, marriage is half our deen ...and sex is a big part of it.
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Before I start, I want to ask you something. I have researched and have spoken to some very respectful and well known shaykhs on this matter and they all agree that sex is important.
Let me help you here. Something like 70% of the questions that are asked to shaykhs by males are about marital issues... so now imagine if your spouse falls into this category.
However, they tell us that they cannot convey the message to sisters in a way that I can as a sister to a sister. So, here I am asking you to keep an open mind and answer me on the following question.
Would you like to know how to make him happy? How to please him and him please you?
Approximately what percentage of questions from Muslim men to shaykhs are related to complaints in the bedroom? A. B. C.
40% 70% 85%
Here are seven tips below on how you can bring your husband closer and as a result get anything you want from him.
es you heard me well ,; if you give him what he wants , he will do anything else to please you , like fixing the door , doing the washing , taking the kids or spending more time with you .
Y ,
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ore C ookie!
#1 M
(More Sex)
Men think of sex more times a day than you can even imagine. More like they think of sex every couple of seconds, and even if they don’t, they still think of it ve times a day.
Now imagine sex being so important for men as they can simply separate feelings and sex. For many of them, they are two opposite things that do not go together, and this is why many men can have more than one partner and still love them the same and have sex with both. I know many sisters are reading this and are o ne step away from throwing up, but it is the truth. And you better know it rather than keep a blind eye and regret it later.
Unfortunately, many Muslim women were not educated on sexual matters. Many of us never had a relationship before our marriage and thus we cannot compare or express an opinion on what is good sex and what is bad sex. For centuries, sex was seen as manipulation of women to get what they wanted or it has been used as abuse of men towards women. But let me say, not everything is black or w hite, sex is a grey area and if you as a female realise the positive power sex holds towards your husband, you would use it more often. Sex is not for reproduction only, it is given to people for pleasure as well. Men love sex because it releases tension and emotions after a hard day at work.
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Or in the morning, when most sisters are asleep and their husband approaches, they will nd an excuse to decline, when in reality it could make his day a whole lot better if she willingly gives him some sex.
Levels of testosterone tend to be higher in the very early morning and this is human nature. For me, love and sex are different and many times friends have told me I think as a man when it comes to sex. The same applies to my husband. He cannot be happier with a wife that understands his need for sex and his need for love. Finding pleasure for both brings us closer to discuss and face the world together as one soul and one heart. Being gentle all of the time in sex, wanting to spend hours in bed, creating the right atmosphere or having a child-free house is ne for many sisters or it could simply be a great excuse in order to not have sex.
Your man wants sex and you should love the fact that he wants sex with you to become closer to you and more intimate. Never forget that there is a time and place for everything and sometimes he just wants sex (simple release of tension with not much feelings) and sometimes he will want to make love to you (more foreplay, kissing and cuddling).
en and Sex
M
en are V isual
1. M
Give him something to look at, and at the same time, keep the mystery alive. You do not have to walk around the house naked all the time to keep him look ing. For example, wear one of his t-shirts a little loose with one shoulder and neckline exposed for his pleasure.
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This will awake his animalistic spirit and would most likely make him crave more. You can always remove some of your clothes – ideally after a game of his favorite team or an argument with some of his friends where his testosterone levels are high. He may want to release tension then and there and w ill be thankful to you.
2. M
en H ave Senses T oo
3. M
en and Stress
As I said before, men and stress don’t go together. Many men get stressed and need to release tension fast without much hassle. I know for you, this could feel like you have are being used as a sexual object but trust me, as we will discuss fur ther, you will be able to learn your body and have the same pleasure with him in no more than ve minutes.
Now, here is some food for thought: during sexual intimacy with your husband, how many times have you taken the oppor tunity to explore his body? To kiss, tickle and play with him? And I am not only talking about his ‘banana’ but all of him. There are thousands of erogenous zones on his body that crave to be explored exactly as yours.
This means that you will be the master of all and bring him pleasure and relaxation that he wouldn’t have imagined before, which in his eyes will bring you a step forward as the queen. For example, he could be going through a tense day at work dealing with a demanding boss, nances for the house and family obligations etc.
Next time, take the time to give him a pleasurable massage with hot oil. Even if he asks you to stop, don’t. Keep discovering his body, his hands, legs, and all the small places you haven’t seen before.
So, what if, while he is sitting on the couch, you just approach him with your intentions, give him a small kiss and sit on his lap kissing him and playing with his hair? Don't let him do anything – you are the boss and can provide pleasure without foreplay. Keep thinking about how sexy you are and how easy you can arouse your husband. Trust me, all this helps.
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ndress Me
#2 U
(Be Enthusiastic)
No one wants a wife who treats sex like a chore. How many times have you asked your husband to do something and you are in the unpleasant position looking at his discomfort while doing it? It is the same thing with sex, we should do this willingly to our husbands. Even Islamically, rejecting our husbands’ needs is not acceptable and in an indirect way, this is what we are doing. I know that many sisters do not know how to behave or what to do. But trust me, sister, if you give your husband the option to learn together and enjoy each other’s company, it gets much easier.
I am not saying jump up in joy at the thought of sex while in the middle of washing dishes (however this would make him even happier) but smiling and being nice to him will also work when he approaches you. Giving him the cold shoulder at night or telling him," OK, I will do it just for you, but be quick ," is not an option. Imagine you telling him I love you and he turns his back to you. How would this make you feel? Please remember, most women think with their heart and it is the best weapon they have against their spouses. Many men think with their head and if I can be more explicit – they have two heads and blood and they usually only use one at a time. This may sound shocking but it’s a reality and you either accept it and have a happy life or keep trying what you are doing currently.
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#3 N
ever S ay Never
(Be Open and Experiment with Him)
Allah SWT allows the enjoyment of intimacy between spouses, so if Allah SWT allows us to experiment and be close, why do we stop ourselves and never try to x what is wrong with our marriage? From experience and research, most of the problems between couples of why they neglect their house responsibilities are deeper issues of a sexual nature. A woman who is not attracted to her husband will try the best she can but he will feel rejected and neglect his other house responsibilities. I know that when we marry, we take our chances and we grow into each other. In most cases, this is per fectly ne, and I can say it’s even more beautiful when you do not build a relationship based on sexual desire.
However, this is a department that needs work form the very beginning of your relationship, and I would say for single sisters to please spend some time with your hubby, if you can, before having children to enjoy each other’s company. I know many couples marry and rush into having children either because of family pressure or because they think it will glue the family to gether. If you two are not glued together rst, nothing will help. So spend some time discovering each other in the bedroom, for example, where he likes to be touched - places, senses, feelings. It is a beautiful sensation and trust me, in the long run, it will make your life easier and you will be able to read your spouse faster and better. And he will be more open with you in any other matter outside of the bedroom.
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On the other hand, never forget (and I want to make sure you don’t) that you, my dear sister, have to be open as well, and this is even more important to him.
our husband wants to know, he is actually desperate to know , how to please you in the bedroom .
Y
So be open with him. I know you may feel shy at the beginning but here is a tip for you. Write down on a piece of paper what you would like him to do to you that night and then put it somewhere where he can nd it. Trust me, he will probably be in the room in seconds. We as females, have a halal magic power over our men. It is a beautiful pure magic developed by love to please and nurture our husbands. Do not forget that we complete their deen. We are very important ladies to be pleased as well. Tell him how to touch
you and how much - slower, quicker, anything. Use that quiet whispering voice that you have and tell him in simple words. If he doesn’t get it then show him. He will like it even more. Do not forget he is most likely a visual type. I know in the market, there are many different games and apps available. One that I think works particularly well is ‘Truth or Dare.’ For example, you can buy them from Ann Summers instead of trying to come up with the questions yourself and when feeling awkward, you can use them. This way you can discover what your husband likes as well and use it to your own advantage. I’ve had some Muslim sisters think that this is tricking your man, when in reality, most men know the game but love playing it. I have asked many brothers and sisters through polls how they feel about this.
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ost men say that they like it and wish their wives were more active and sisters come with the answer that I don ’ t want to trick or manipulate my husband . M
Now go back and re-read the brothers reaction to it. They enjoy it and more than likely, your spouse does too. So it ’s time to stop being ashamed and get enthusiastic about d iscovering a whole new world of sensations and intimacy.
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ll bout Eve
#4 A A
(It’s All About You)
Now let’s go a little deeper into this sexual game. It all starts with a mindset and not really your hubby's mindset but rather yours. I know many Muslim women believe that it's solely a man's job to arouse them, but in order to have a really fullling sexual experience, you have to put some effort into getting yourself into a sexual state of mind.
Yes, that’s what I said. In order for you to do this, you have to spend some time guring out what you like and what you dislike and giving yourself credit for doing so.
If he thinks you like to be kissed on your stomach but you really hate your tummy maybe because you have given birth to his children and it’s not in the best state or because you are self-conscious, then tell him.
(In the sensual voice you have, take his head to your mouth, close your eyes and tell him slowly and sensually, “Darling, I love when you kiss my neck. It sends electricity throughout my entire body,” and then watch what his reaction is. I will leave this to you.)
ut please always remember , do not give orders to your husband on how to do things . He is not your child and this generally applies outside of the bedroom too . B
For example, if you like to be kissed o n the neck and you have never told your husband this, how do you expect him to know?
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Make a positive reinforcement of the pleasure he gives you and tell him how it makes you feel. He will then be willing to try 100 more things just to nd out the one that pleases you the most. In order to get yourself aroused, you can think of many different things – how beautiful you are, how much you love your spouse and how he touches you in places that you love. If you like talking during sex, please do not withhold yourself. Many men like it too but sometimes they do not know their partner’s reaction. So if you like to talk during sex, then let him know.
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weet Charity
#5 S
(Surprise Him and Take Initiative)
Be daring in your relationship and keep an open mind that if it is not forbidden from Allah SWT, then we have no right not to try it as long as it doesn't offend our Islamic and human rights. Most likely, your husband wants you to be naughty with him and show the side of yourself you hide from society.
We as Muslim women keep our beauty with our hijab for our husbands but also all the tricks that come with femininity. Women are the pillar and glue of the family and relationship that keeps everyone together. He wants to see this in your ‘secret’ space as well – your kingdom.
Many Muslim women are often afraid to get naughty in a relationship because they don't want to shatter the 'good wife' image he has or they don't want him to think that they're weird.
Have you wondered why many Eastern women succeed more at this art than Western women? Because they have been brought up with knowing the power within. There is an old saying I keep using and most of my female Muslim friends dread it:
woman needs to be a chef in the kitchen , a lady in the society , and a whore in the bedroom! A
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Yes, it sounds rude (and probably shallow) but it has worked for centuries all over the world. Be naughty and show your real self to him. Be daring and ask what is lawfully yours and expect to receive no less. Do not stick to the same old position or technique and please don’t use the same boring position for the next 20 years.
aughty H ottie T ip :
N
To surprise your husband during dinner at a restaurant, simply pick up your phone and text him what you would like him to do to you that night. Then just count the seconds till the bill comes... as a lady of course you will not give in so easy, so take your time and order a dessert! Just to tease him a little longer and for you to enjoy your dessert.
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allelujah!
#6 H
(The Biggest Surprise)
Have you ever wondered why there are some drop-dead gorgeous men with not-so-good-looking girls? Or even better, when you rst spoke with your husband about marriage and you were discussing all the qu alities a wife should have, and after mentioning the deen and love for Allah SWT and our families, were you expecting him to mention beauty? Many men don’t. Women are way too self-conscious when it comes to appearance and we think that men will check what we check when looking at other sisters – height, face, weight, beauty.
What surprises me is that most men do not even think of them like this. They look into their attitude, their self-condence and the I-know-what-I-want outlook. How she carries herself in public and how she interacts with people is important to him. When I started talking about marriage, I ticked the rst three boxes, alhumdulillah. And then came the comment, “If she is pretty it’s an added bonus.” This left me so lost and confused and I didn’t dare to ask if he found me attractive. I just let it go because all of his actions were saying he did like me for his future wife.
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For days, I had this insecurity within me asking myself if he found me beautiful as this was not his number one priority. Until one day, he told me, “You are different and I like this about you.” I was stunned and at the same time, I asked myself, what did he mean I am different? He then explained all the above – my attitude and condence were all he wanted and he found to be so attractive. We see many times in our lives some girls that have something about them. We don’t know what it is that we like about them but they have something. Firstly, it’s their condence and their secondly, it’s their smile.
Many men get really attracted by a woman who smiles. It is like a gift to them.
A Muslim woman is like a pearl and we in the West use this analogy a lot when we want to describe why we cover with hijab and abaya, but sisters, think through this deeply. We are pearls for the eyes of our husbands too, not only in words but in actions and these pearls are so precious.
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aby D oll
#7 B
(Take Care of Yourself)
Take care of your beauty, for you rst and then for your husband. Spend some minutes a day away from him and your children, just for you. I know it may not be easy but it is doable and the reward is greater. You take care of everyone but who will take care of you? You will: • Spend an extra 10 minutes a day in the shower to exfoliate your skin, shave and mentally feel beautiful. Spend $10 on a nice shower gel that will leave you with fully charged batteries, soft skin for kisses and a queen-like attitude for him. • Give a full body massage gift to yourself once every couple
of weeks. Do not use the money excuse. Firstly, your husband would be more than happy to pay for it in order for you to relax and secondly, with all these Groupon and other deals around now it is so much more affordable. A day in the spa is a gift from your family to you for all the hard work you do everyday. And it’s a gift back to them because you’ll feel revatilised and ready to take care of them again. • Buy nice lingerie that will make you feel cherished and desirable, that will give you the needed attitude. But do not expect miracles just because you wear it if you don’t apply the advice I mentioned in the eBook.
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• Spend some money on good care products for your skin. I buy products that cost more and last longer and are good for my skin. It might seem like a lot of wasted money but as I told my husband, you will appreciate it when I’m 50 and I look like 35. He had a big smile on his face and agreed with me.
• Do not let routine and familiarity kill your intimacy. This is a topic that needs to be discussed in detail in another book, but sisters please keep in mind that because you have been married for 10 years, he does not need to see you with your period panties, unshaved legs, greasy hair or facial masks. I have more examples but will keep them. I’m sure you get the point. I k now it is hard to keep the look of a model at all times but keep a decent look and do not forget he is your husband. Intimacy and sexual desires are the petrol in this marriage. If you don’t add petrol, don’t expect the car to run at full capacity.
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ast W ords
L
I hope the tips in this eBook are useful to you. I have applied all of them in mine and I can say I never had any complaints. I have studied, researched and read over 500 papers, magazines and books in order to have the knowledge I have today. I don’t want you to go through these difficulties.
Keep an open mind and try. Nothing is haram in the above advice. It’s all about the attitude and how much we want to make our marriage work. I pray that you benetted from eBook and if you decide to share it with another sister, it will benet and improve her life as well.
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eel C onfident and Beautiful
F
Emanate helps Muslim women develop their feminine charm to have more fun and feel beautiful inside and outside the bedroom.
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