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AFRICA AND NOW FOR SOME GOOD NEWS
#177
ON THE COVER JACK JEFFERSON BY ANDY THOMAS GET THE SEXY V MATT CHAPMAN SHOWS HOW
»
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Subscribe or + renew your subscription to DNA before February 2, 2015 and be in the running to win five nights of five-star accommodation for two at Camp Kuzuma in Botswana, valued at $AUD 6,000. Your stay will include two game drives per day and a boat cruise on the Chobe River, meals, local beers and wines. Prize does not include international or domestic airfares. When you subscribe to the print version of DNA you also receive free access to the Online version, the Digital version for tablet, and the restricted content of DNA Premium. If you’d like to subscribe to DNA and be in the running to win a fantastic Camp Kuzuma stay go to www. DNAMagazine.com.au/subscribe WISHES HE WAS MORE LIKEABLE!
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Who's Hot? Ryan Craven. Story starts page 102. 4 DNA
DNA (ISSN 1443-1122) is published monthly in Australia and the UK by DNA Men Nexus Pty Ltd, PO Box 127 Lidcombe, NSW 1825, Australia, and in the USA and Canada under license to DNA Men Nexus Pty Ltd (Aust). DNA and Made That Way are registered trademarks in both Australia and the USA. Trademark pending in the UK. Registered by Australia Post (PP243459/00169). Copyright © DNA Men Nexus. All rights reserved. No part of DNA may be reproduced in whole or in part without written permission from the publisher. The appearance, mention or likeness of any person or organisation in editorial or advertising in no way suggests sexual or political orientation. Photographs
used to illustrate editorial do not depict the real lives, behaviour or sexuality of the models. Opinions expressed in the magazine are not necessarily those of the publishers. Unsolicited editorial or photographic material is welcome but will not be returned unless appropriate postage is supplied. Submissions of text, photographs or any other material will be taken as consent to publish said material. DNA will not be held liable for material lost or damaged in transit. DNA is printed by Rotary Offset Press and distributed by Network Services, Level 21 Civic Tower, 66-68 Goulburn Street, Sydney NSW 2000 Australia. For newsagency enquiries: 1300 131 169. October 2014
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WE’RE W WERE E’R RE VERSATILE V ERSA AT TILE
Regulars 10 FROM THE EDITOR Good news from Africa.
14 BURNTTOAST Readers’ letters.
16 BURNTTOAST 2 Sexy Santa speedo run.
CONTENT 177 #
30
32
34
“Five Seconds Of Summer make One Direction look like circuit queens on a break from a porn shoot.” – See full album review, page 30.
38
100
Opinion
18 LOVING Flag togs, acrobats, ballroom and beefcake.
20 MONTH IN A MINUTE The stuff that went down.
30 MUSIC Ariana Grande, Anthony Callea, Morrissey, La Roux, 5 Seconds Of Summer.
32 BOOKS Rio Men by Leo Castro and more.
34 BOOKS MORE A Thing Of Beauty from Cocky Boys Studio.
36 STYLE The perfect shoe for every occasion.
39 NUTTIER THAN A SQUIRREL TURD Oh, those crazy haters!
40 STRAIGHT MATE
38 #JUST SAYING The so-called “bromance”.
84
45 VERUSHKA DARLING
102
112 TREVOR ASHLEY
Blake “Bachelor” Garvey.
42 COMMON MORTALS Christopher’s first Halloween.
44 DEAR DIVA
Yearning for the bad old days.
The Back Passage
104 GROOMING
Samples
Hot first date? Lee Kynaston suggests some tricks for your trade.
22 ANTHONY CALLEA
Life’s questions, answered!
106 FITNESS
The time her Maj offered him a lift!
Matt Chapman has the sexy V. He tells us how to get it, too.
24 PENTATONIX
110 DNA MAN
26 WHERE THE BEARS ARE
They’re the voice.
The straightest dilemma ever.
Fur will fly.
114 URBAN HOMO
28 MY BUDDY
Loving a man in (and out of) uniform. 6 DNA
WWII brothers in arms.
CONTENT 177 #
Features 46 WAS I A TEENAGED PREDATOR? Mark E King pursued men for sex when he was underage. But was he the victim or the perpetrator?
66 CARRY ON ADAM Hilarious Adam Richard opens up about his unhappy childhood and how that shaped his comedy career.
70 WAIST MANAGEMENT Yes, it’s the fantastic history of men’s underwear!
80 IT’S TIME TO TALK ABOUT RAPE Richard Morgan tells of his own rape nightmare and says it’s time we thought outside the stereotypes on this serious topic.
84 TORONTO WORLD PRIDE Canada was hot, diverse, loved-up and party ready. Marc Andrews’ head was spinning to file this report.
100 TEL AVIV WATER PARK PARTY
Fashion
The headlines say it all! Now see the pictures…
48 SUPER CRAZY FUNTIMES!
Africa 60 “YES, WE EXIST!” Gay activist Dr Paul Semugoma on the perils of gay invisibility in Africa.
It’s a sexed-up street party from Flash Avenue Studios.
74 ROD LIKES IT RUF! Rodiney Santiago in Ruf-Rod gear photographed by Cesar Di Lupe.
62 A THORN IN THE FLESH
Photography
Frank Malaba survived Zimbabwe and now thrives in South Africa.
12 ON THE COVER
64 BORN FREE Meet the “Mandela Generation”, a healing and unifying force.
65 GAY-FRIENDLY AFRICA Safe and fabulous Africa for the gay and lesbian tourist. 8 DNA
Jack Jefferson by Andy Thomas.
92 THE ROYAL MINT The extraordinary and the profane. Why we love the visions of Erwin Olaf.
102 WHO’S HOT Ryan Craven – that’s who!
FROM THE EDITOR /Andrew Creagh
AND NOW FOR A LITTLE GOOD NEWS… REGULAR READERS WILL be all-too familiar with the bleak stories of gay and lesbian oppression that come out of Uganda, Nigeria, Zimbabwe and Egypt. So when I heard that the government of Botswana had called for greater human rights recognition across Africa – including LGBTI rights – I thought it would be a great opportunity time to write something positive for a change. I contacted my friend Frank Malaba, a South African-based journalist, to write the feature and he jumped on board. Then a number of incredible coincidences followed. Firstly, Uganda’s intolerable Anti-Homosexuality Act was suddenly and unexpectedly repealed. This was the law that made simply being gay an offence punishable with prison time. Even more odious, it required anyone who knew a gay person to report them to the authorities or face prison time or a fine themselves. Imagine your mum or dad going to prison because they know you and you’re gay. So the demise of this law added weight to our “something good to say about Africa” angle. Then, the Australian Marketing Executive of the Kuzuma Resort in Botswana contacted us and offered a DNA subscriber the chance to win an amazing safari holiday at this beautiful, five-star lodge. See the inside front cover of this issue for details. They say things come in threes, but there was a forth, fabulous surprise – Cape Town has won the hosting rights to the 2015 Mr Gay World finals. See the outside back cover of this issue for details. To be fair, work on Frank’s story didn’t run entirely smoothly. Many of the people he
For me, the hedonism of our celebrations comes with some degree of privileged, white, Western guilt. But our parades and parties serve a purpose beyond our own enjoyment. 10 DNA
Yes, Cape Town can throw a Pride Parade!
a chance for the lucky few to play (Tel Aviv pool party, page 100). For me, the hedonism of our celebrations comes with some degree of privileged, white, Western guilt. But our parades and parties serve a purpose beyond our own enjoyment. They show the world our pride and our refusal to be invisible. They send a message of hope to places where simply being gay is against the law. Remember that next time you’re at a pool party in Tel Aviv or Barcelona, or marching in a parade through Toronto or San Francisco. Andrew Creagh Founding Editor
IMAGE COURTESY OF RHINOAFRICA.COM
All About Africa
contacted for interviews were concerned that a positive Africa story might trivialise the difficulties that remain for gay and lesbian Africans. That, of course, was the last thing we wanted to do. Nevertheless, Frank’s features reflect a balance of stories that illustrate the on-going struggles along with some causes for optimism. His four stories begin on page 60. It’s certainly unfair that Africa faces the challenges it does when, in other parts of the world, our lives are so thoroughly celebrated. World Pride, this year held in Toronto was a great, inclusive success (story from page 84), and even in the war ravaged Middle East there’s
LATEST SUMMER SWIMWEAR AND UNDERWEAR COLLECTIONS NOW AVAILABLE www.funkytrunks.com
/ ON THE COVER
JACK JEFFERSON PHOTOGRAPHY ANDY THOMAS
12 DNA
JACK’S A LONDON-BASED model (gorgeous),
actor (versatile), gymnast (bangin’ bod) with a degree in Exercise Science (smart) and, as voted by DNA online readers, one of the Sexiest Men Alive (see last issue). We had to get him hot and wet and into a bunch of different gear from Rufskin and Timoteo before we shot the perfect cover. Enjoy!
DNA 13
burnttoast @ dnamagazine.com.au INSIDE THE MINDS OF DNA READERS! EMAILS, LETTERS, TWEETS, FACEBOOK POSTS, CARRIER PIGEON DISPATCHES AND RAMBLINGS Send your feedback to
[email protected] Or post your burnttoast letters on our website. Go to DNAmagazine.com.au. Letters will be edited for length, clarity and hilarity!
Overheard in the DNA office: “Gosh, gonorrhea is hard to spell.” I’M WRITING TO SUGGEST that you broaden
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FACE-TO-FACE WITH HATE
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IMAGES FROM UGANDA
MAD GAY GENIUS
MEET MARK GATISS (OKAY, HE’S NOT MAD)
REVEALED! OUR SEXY MAKE-ME-HOT BOYS
CRAZY IN LOVE RIMBAUD AND VERLAINE
(OR WHY YOU SHOULDN’T DATE YOUR TEENAGE STALKER!)
POPE FRANCIS
WHAT DID HE REALLY SAY ABOUT US?
#172
Plus:
CHER VS TWITTER MISTER SINGAPORE DAN AVERY KYLIE MINOGUE BRENDAN MACLEAN AMSTERDAM
MEN OF CARNIVAL
FEATHERS, SEQUINS AND SEXY PECS
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VIRGIN ISLANDS
TODD SANFIELD’S FIRST TIME IN PARADISE
TO SEE THE WORDS I wrote in DNA… Whow!
AUSTRALIA VS EQUALITY
(On Reflection #174, It’s Your DNA). That was just wonderful. My heart beat out of my chest as if I’d won the lottery. Thank you! To all the other writers who shared their stories, thank you. I feel privileged to have read them. – Nat In The Naki.
WHAT’S GONE WRONG?
JOHNNY WEIR DIVORCE IS HELL!
ELECTRO SHOCKING OUR HORRIFIC HISTORY
STRIP JOINTS
I WAS REALLY MOVED by Your DNA (#174).
That DNA opened up its pages to the readers was a generous offer. That readers accepted the
WHERE IN THE WORLD CAN YOU NUDE-UP AT THE BEACH?
#173
Plus:
TASMANIA MATTHEW BOURNE MIAMI LOOKING LAS VEGAS
Which do you prefer? Top left #172 (pointing to the side) or bottom left #173 (pointing down)?
READERS’ POLL
No, nobody knows I don’t know who knows Only some people know
15% 16% 18%
How closely do you identify with the gay community? Yes, everyone knows
51%
I used to but I don’t any more Very closely
Not at all
ST L AT E POLL
15% 19%
Only sometimes
42%
25%
offer and filled the magazine with their stories was incredible. Obviously some stories were better than others but that didn’t matter. I read every one and I felt connected and thankful for each of them. Your story is my story if that makes sense. Eli Sommers, Washington DC Glad you enjoyed it, Eli. We do know what you mean. Our shared stories shape our culture.
SWEET TWEETS
@joelcreasey Excuse me pushy New York gay bar homosexuals. I’m on Australian TV sometimes when bigger names cancel. Have some respect yeah? @louisvirtel “You guys go ahead. I’m staying to sacrifice myself for Cruella’s glamor.” the gay dalmatian. @matthew_mitcham You know you’re gay when you threaten to throw a Mariah Carey-sized hissy fit & stab someone in the eye with your stiletto heel... @TheTweetOfGod The idea that you evolved from apes is disgusting. Isn’t it nicer to believe you descended from one couple and their incestuous children? @TTMSonair On a scale of Kirsten Stewart to Nicki Minaj, how many facial expressions do you have? @CommonGayTweets “Grandpa, did you ever fight in a war?” Well, back in my day, we had fan wars on twitter. Little Monsters vs Katycats. Shit was intense.
READERS’ POLL
Are You Out At Work?
14 DNA
your magazine’s apparently rigid preference for having all the models’ members pointing straight downwards inside their briefs as opposed to more naturally falling sideways or even leaning slightly upwards against the material. Think of the term “banana hammock”. Well over 90 percent of your pictures tend to depict the penis pushing straight down, which is a very unnatural way for the guy to fall within such a small swimsuit. It also obscures the rest of the man’s basket because the downward pointing dick creates a “tent” and, let’s face it, the bulge behind the bulge should be plainly discerned, too. There are a good number of us who CRAVE to see more of your models shown more naturally. – James Cribbs, Brooklyn, NY James, we love hearing from aficionados such as yourself, who appreciate the, er, finer points of what we do. Plus, “models” “members” are “rigid” in one sentence is awesome! Comments taken on board.
@EndhooS Arnold Schwarzenegger was 23 years old before he could spell his own name. @sixthformpoet Wine only contains 1% of the Recommended Daily Intake of calcium, so remember to drink 100 glasses every day. @KarenWalkerBot Honey, it’s a waste of time. Like exercise. Or reading to your kids. @nathvalvo The twist in the new bachelor tonight is that none of the girls want a career in media.
burnttoast @ dnamagazine.com.au THE FABULOUS SANTA RUN
Hello DNA! First off, let me say how much my partner Karl and I enjoy your magazine. We have been subscribing for over five years now. Every issue continues to get better and better. Karl and I have been together for 14 years. We wanted to find a fun way to give back to the LGBT community. So three years ago in Chicago, Il (USA) we started a charity event called The Most Fabulous Santa Speedo Run. There are many speedo runs across the United States but we believe ours was the first LBGT one. On the first Saturday in December we host the run and all money raised is donated to a local LGBT charity. Last year and this year our charity is the Center On Halsted, an LGBT community center in Chicago. Specifically, the Center On Halsted is building new housing for 80 LGBT senior citizens and our donations are supporting that effort. When we started three years ago we were hoping for a few friends so show up at a local bar and help us raise maybe $300. We ended up with 150 people, 50 runners, and raised about $US3,000. The second year we moved the event to an amazing bar in Chicago’s Boystown called Sidetrack. We grew the event to 400 participants (150 runners) and raised over $9,000. Last year we flew past our goals with on-line registration and fund raising to grow the event to over 600 in attendance, 220 runners and raising over $21,000. Our event this year is on Saturday, December 6th at Sidetrack. This is a fun, sexy,
16 DNA
holiday afternoon all for charity. We start out with cocktails at noon, everyone get’s into their speedo (or crazy holiday costume) and gets ready to face the cold – it was just 17 degrees Fahrenheit last year – to run one mile through the Boystown neighborhood. Everyone in the neighborhood stops to cheer on the Santas and honk their horns. The afternoon continues with door prizes (including two round trip tickets anywhere in continental USA), more drinks and a lot of holiday cheer. You can even sit on Sexy Santa’s lap or get in line for our mistletoe kissing booth for a small donation. We would love DNA readers to see that Chicago is an awesome city that there is great fun and with cute boys in between LA and New York even in winter! We hope you enjoy these photos and encourage any DNA reader who happens to be in Chicago on December 6 to join us! They can learn more on our website Mostfabulousstantaspeedorun.com. Thanks for your consideration. I know it’s early but Happy Holidays! Jeff Colgan and Karl Sponholtz. Dear Jeff and Karl, we applaud any activity that gets sexy guys into speedos or silly costumes and we’re doubly impressed that it’s all about fundraising for such a great cause. For non-USA readers, the Santas are running 1.6km in minus 8 Celsius. Eek! At least they have a Sexy Santa's lap to sit on afterwards to help them warm up. We wish all this year’s Santas the very best.
DNA 17
The restuff we’
Loving…
It’s the dance of love, Fran!
Pablo
You’ve seen Mr Hernandez in the Andrew Christian ads in DNA and we couldn’t resist showing you more. Pablo’s a model/actor/ dancer/personal trainer. You'll see more of him at Pablounwrapped.com or go the Hot Zone at DNAmagazine.com.au
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HOT
ZONE SOME IMAGES FROM THIS STORY ARE
TOO HOT FOR PRINT. TO SEE THESE
SHOTS GO TO THE HOT ZONE AT DNAMAGAZINE.COM.AU/HOTZONE
Dancing With Scott – His Way!
It started life as a student play, became a much-loved movie and now Strictly Ballroom is a musical. Boho creative duo Baz Luhrmann and Catherine Martin are at the helm, naturally! Transfers from Sydney to Melbourne this month.
Boys On Poles In this case Totem poles. If you’ve ever seen a Cirque du Soleil circus extravaganza you’ll have marvelled at the feats of acrobatic excellence and the beautiful physiques of the performers. Totem arrives in Australia in October.
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High Protein Diets
Great buns – and burgers! Beefcakes is a gay-run, straight friendly cocktail and burger bar in Cape Town and Johannesburg featuring drag queen comedy, bitchy bingo and, er, hot beef. Go to beefcakes.co.za PHOTOGRAPHY RYAN STEWART
Flag Waving
Expresses your patriotism by slipping your junk into a pair of flag swim briefs from CA-RIO-CA. Run these up your flagpole and see who sails in! Australia, Brazil and the USA are featured (above) but go to cariocawear.com for the full range. If only the United Nations was so bangin’! PHOTOGRAPHY SEAN GOMES
Darren Palmer
The Aussie interior designer and The Block judge has dropped his dacks for a charity budgie bolt. (Translation for non-Australian readers: Darren and taken his pants off and, dressed only in a red swimming brief, has run around the block to raise money.) The beneficiary is Youngcare, who aim to provide accommodation for young Australians with special needs. It seems the “budgie bolt” is now a thing – go to page 16 of this issue for more proof. For more on Youngcare go to youngcare.com.au or facebook. com/YoungcareOz
Noble Sacrifices
Archie Andrews, star of the Archie comic-book series of 70 years, has been killed. Taking an assassin’s bullet intended for his gay friend, Kevin Keller, Archie’s heroic sacrifice comes as America celebrates its increasing gay rights but grapples with gun control issues. “Archie is a very iconic, all-American hero,” says Jono Jarrett of Geeks OUT. “To have him literally take a bullet for the ideas of diversity and equality in a comic book is a very powerful statement.” Archie’s death occurs in a flash-forward story series and won’t effect his life in the main Archie comic series. DNA 19
/ MONTH IN A MINUTE I’ve had letters from fans who want me to present… an explicit [gay] male sex scene – most of the letters come from women. – George RR Martin, author of the Game Of Thrones series. (Right) Short-lived Game Of Thrones gay character Renly Baratheon, played by Gethin Anthony.
WESTBORO BAPTIST Church announces
plans to picket the funeral of Robin Williams. The controversy-addicted church refers to Williams as a “fag enabler” who “mocked God”. Williams played gay in The Birdcage and in the yetto-be released Boulevard.
THE WORLD CONGRESS Of Families
conference in Melbourne is launched by Kevin Andrews, Australia’s Federal Minister for Social Services. The minister distances himself from World Congress claims that abortion causes breast cancer, but not from the organisation’s belief that homosexuality is a disease that can be treated.
ARIZONA STATE University football player Edward “Chip” Sarafin comes out in an interview with Compete magazine. “It was really personal for me, and it benefited my peace of mind greatly,” he says. His coach Todd Graham adds, “Diversity and acceptance are two of the pillars of our program, and he has full support from his teammates and the coaching staff.”
UGANDA’S SUPREME Court disallows the county’s infamous anti-gay law. The act is struck down because of an error in parliamentary procedure, not for moral or ethical reasons. This means the law could be reinstated if presented to parliament again. US Secretary Of State, John Kerry says the law is similar to Nazi Germany’s legal anti-Semitism.
During the worldwide telecast of the opening ceremony of the Commonwealth Games in Glasgow, John Barrowman (Torchwood, Dr Who) kisses a male dancer. The kiss is regarded as a snub to the 42 of 53 countries in the Commonwealth who still have anti-gay legislation in place.
THE WORLD HEALTH Organisation recommends that all sexually active gay and bisexual men start taking PrEP drugs like Truvada alongside other preventative options, such as condoms, to prevent the spread of HIV. PRESIDENT OBAMA signs an executive order banning workplace discrimination against gay and transgender people by the federal government and government contractors. Private employers are still allowed to fire employees for being gay in 32 states.
RUSSIAN PRESIDENT Vladimir Putin will out US President Barack Obama as gay, predicts Reverend Dr James David Manning of the All The Land Anointed Holy Mission Church. Manning believes Obama leads a secret gay life and is in a relationship with basketball player, Reggie Love. Manning also believes Obama shot the mother of his “love child”. SIX SCIENTISTS on their way to the
International AIDS Conference in Melbourne killed in the downing of Malaysian Airlines MH17 over Ukraine. 20 DNA
SEE MORE
Following the overturning of Uganda’s anti-gay laws, a Gay Pride event is held in Entebbe with police permission. “This event is to bring us together. Everyone was in hiding before because of the antihomosexuality law,” said organiser Sandra Ntebi. “It is a happy day for all of us, getting together.”
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ZACHARY QUINTO and James Franco
will play lovers in the new film, Michael, which tells real-life tale of Michael Glatze, founder of gay teen magazine XY. Following a health scare, Glatze became an “ex-gay” and a pastor.
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Actor Robin Williams suicides following a deep depression and Parkinson’s disease diagnosis. Ellen DeGeneres tweets: “He gave so much to so many people.” Modern Family’s Jesse Tyler Ferguson: “I never knew him but I’m heartbroken by his passing.” Gay social media icon George Takei: “We hope your spirit has found peace.”
O
/ SAMPLES
“DON’T FUCK THIS UP!” ›› That’s how Anthony Callea psyched himself for his live recording of George Michael songs. It seemed to work! He tells Andrew Creagh about the show, close encounters with divas, and the time the Queen offered him a lift!
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22 DNA
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Anthony Callea’s Ladies And Gentlemen, The Songs Of George Michael was recorded live at The Palms, Crown Casino in Melbourne with a nine-piece band. Special guests include Casey Donovan, John Foreman and Anthony’s partner, Tim Campbell.
DNA’s entertainment writer, Marc Andrews, reviews your new album in this issue and says, “this might just be the best album Anthony has ever made.” Anthony Callea: Wow. Well, there’s 30 years of George Michael’s music as inspiration. I admire the way he can go from a beautiful ballad to a cheeky song like Outside, which was really a “fuck you” to the police. I love that he embraced that situation [being busted having toilet sex by an undercover LA cop]. Most people would run and hide but he owned it. Marc also reckons you have “class, sophistication and a swaggering sexuality”. [Laughing] If you knew me in real life… I was so nervous before we recorded this that backstage I had to have a couple of scotches and a cigarette! A cigarette?! We all have a vice. It could be something worse.
don’t think we’ll do that! Although, you’ve put the idea in my head now so, who knows, maybe one drunk night we will! Please Instagram it! No way! I might Tweet it though. On the DVD and CD there’s a great reunion between you and Casey Donovan for I Knew You Were Waiting… That was a spine tingling moment and you can see that in the footage. We hadn’t performed together for 10 years. My mum said she almost cried. Casey sang her tits off and she’s got big tits – she’s the first to make that joke, by the way! I love and respect her. Her voice these days is flawless. I saw her perform at a little club in Melbourne recently and thought, “The world has got to hear these songs.” Did you stay friends after Idol? Yes. We got on from day one. We were thrown together into that house and were very young – she was just 16. I was so happy to be standing next to
“Kathy Griffin turned her back on us and said, ‘Well, those gays are a waste of space!”” You were born in 1982, so was George Michael part of the soundtrack of your life from early on? Yes, and what I didn’t realise until we started working on this was how much of the music he wrote himself. It’s a very powerful thing when you discover the story behind songs like Father Figure or Jesus To A Child. I never intended recording these songs or doing this tour. I just got my band together and said, “I love these songs, let’s do them” and suddenly the show was sold out. So the record company got involved and we decided to film it and record it and here we are touring it. Is there a risk taking on the George Michael songbook? Totally. And I did put some pressure on myself because there are expectations. I kept saying, “Don’t fuck this up!” But also, I never took the approach of emulating his style. I didn’t want it to be a tribute because that sounds like he’s dead. It’s always been a celebration. You end the show with a Wham! song. Have you and Tim [Campbell, his partner] considered doing a Wham! act? Ha! No, but that’s a good idea! There might be fights about who’s George and who’s Andrew. I’m so George. Besides, I’m the woggy one. Have you ever put shuttlecocks down your tennis shorts? God, no. Why? Wham! did that for a photoshoot once. I
her on the stage at the Opera House [for the Idol finals]. It didn’t matter to me who won at that point. I love her to death. Idol launched your career (and that of Casey, Guy Sebastian, Ricki-Lee and others). Do you think reality talent shows today seem more about making TV than helping performers into lasting careers? There’s good and bad. The shows are amazing now – pyrotechnics, backing dancers, choreography. For us, Idol was raw and real. It was all about the voice. We weren’t even allowed to have an instrument on stage. The culture has changed – now it’s more about the judges than the performers. And when the show ends, that’s the hardest part because you have to go out and make a living. Celine, Whitney, Mariah, Diana Ross – you’ve worked with some serious divas! They’re all very different; what do they have in common? Massive hits! If it’s about massive tits, Mariah wins, no argument! They are all very different but my favourite was Celine. She was the most beautiful and gracious. I was so nervous walking into that situation because, love or hate her voice, technically she’s perfect. But she made the effort to come and see me backstage and introduce herself. At the end of the tour she
gave me a gift and made a little speech. Did you tear up? No, I’m not a crier. She’d just rock up to the sound check with wet hair and some mineral water. She was so cool. Were any of the divas less friendly? One, in particular, gave me a protocol sheet, which I promptly tore up. It said we had to dress in black and if she walks past don’t acknowledge her. I’m sorry, I only accept a protocol sheet from the Queen! Who you have also met! Yes, and it was a total Kath And Kim moment. I was introduced to her by the Australian Prime Minister of the day and I was so nervous. I thought I was going to stuff it up. But this weird thing happened… The Queen gets a security escort back to the airport – to her own private jet while I was flying Virgin – but the security people suggested we drive along behind as part of the detail. People watching on the sidewalk would’ve gone, “Oh look, there goes the Queen… and there goes Anthony Callea!” I suppose so! It was very, very strange. Speaking of royalty, has George Michael heard the new album? Not yet but I’ll be sending him a copy. If it goes well he’ll make a shit load of money! I’ve never been lucky enough to meet him. Is it possible for you to choose just one song as a favourite? One More Try. It wasn’t my favourite going in. At rehearsals I wasn’t getting it right. I was thinking, “I can’t do this!” But when I sang it that night it clicked. I nailed it. I work better under pressure. Have you met any alterna-divas? Kathy Griffin. She was performing in Sydney and Tim and I knew the promoter so we phoned up and asked if we could meet her backstage – which we did. And she said, “Where’s the best place to go out in this city?” And we had to say, well, we’re from Melbourne and we don’t know Sydney, and we prefer a quiet champagne bar anyway… And Kathy turned her back on us and said, “Well, those gays are a waste of space!” Will Tim be joining you on the tour? No. He has his own tour dates and he’ll be in Vietnam. Who will join you to duet on Faith and Somebody To Love? I was thinking of calling out to some of my favourite singers in each city. I am available. Good. We're looking for an interpretive dancer. We’ll put you in a body stocking! Do you like performing live? You know, there’s a lot of bullshit in the entertainment industry and sometimes it gets to you, but when you walk out on stage and get to the microphone it feels right and you’re reminded that this is what it’s all about. MORE: Ladies And Gentlemen, The Songs Of George Michael is out now. Go to anthonycallea. com. for tour date. Look for Anthony on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. DNA 23
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›› Vocal super group Pentatonix is bringing a cappella to the fore of the music industry. But please, don't call them a novelty act says Marc Andrews after chatting to band member, Mitch Grassi. DNA: Give us a quick history of Pentatonix. Mitch Grassi: We started out as a nameless trio – Kirstie, Scott, and I – in high school performing around campus. When Scott went off to college he met Ben, one of our current producers, who suggested we audition for NBC’s The Sing-Off. He recommended we add a bass and a beatboxer to fill out our sound. Ben had known Avi, then we found Kevin on YouTube because of a viral video of his. We competed on the show and ended up winning season three. How did winning The Sing-Off change your lives? In so many ways. One of the biggest and most drastic was that we all moved out to Los Angeles to get started on our career as an actual band. The show was an important stepping stone in the band’s current success. Have you given up your day jobs? Yes, but I didn’t have one to begin with [laughs]. The band has a very distinctive look. Discuss. The most important thing for us is that we stay true to ourselves. We each have our own personal “brand” I suppose. That’s something I really like about us. We love to push individuality and it’s fun for the fans to get to know us individually. 24 DNA
How do you decide on your covers? Usually we like to pick songs that are getting lots of recognition and have good musicality. We try to stay away from trudging through arranging a song simply because it’s a top 40 hit. Alternatively, if one of us is inspired by a particular song, popular or underground, we’ll pitch it to the group. What can we expect from [their upcoming film] Pitch Perfect 2? It’s gonna be a great movie. We make a small little cameo and I can’t say much about it but we are a competing group against the Bellas [smiles]. Who are your musical inspirations? One of my biggest is Imogen Heap. Not only does she have a stunningly beautiful voice, she’s also incredibly intelligent and inventive. She
Pentatonix (left to right): Avi Kaplan, Mitch Grassi, Scott Hoying, Kirstie Maldonado, Kevin Olusola.
created a pair of gloves that controls and manipulates her music software. Her work ethic is unbelievable. Do you see yourself as reinventing a cappella music for a new generation? I’m not sure about that, but I think we’ve helped to bring a cappella to the forefront of the music industry. Have you noticed much of a gay following yet? Not yet [laughs]. Hopefully we will be playing some gay events soon, though. Where do you stand on the issue of gay marriage? Without getting too preachy or political, I will simply say I am pro-gay marriage. I think it would be a bit shocking if I weren’t [laughs]. You all wore a lot of make-up for your Daft Punk video – were you channeling Boy George or David Bowie? Both! We love playing with our looks in videos. Some of our viewers thought it was too outlandish, but I obviously had a great time dressing up in costume. When is too much eyeliner too much? When you look like you got punched really hard in both eyes. Who are some of your celebrity fans? Maisie Williams who plays Arya in Game Of Thrones – she’s such a doll and a big fan of Scott and my vlog channel, Superfruit. Jesse Tyler Ferguson from Modern Family and his husband Justin Mikita are fans, too. They’re also good friends of ours. Where would you like to be in five years? I would like to have a few hit songs under our belt. I’d also like to have written a good number of songs on my own. I think pursuing our own individual endeavors more in the coming years would be great. You’re described in your press as a “vocal super group”. Your thoughts? I love that. I don’t mind being dubbed a cappella since technically that is what we are, but I think, to some listeners, that word has a negative connotation. We can be easily mislabeled as “cheesy” or “novelty”. More: Visit www.ptxofficial.com or like Pentatonix on Facebook.
“I don’t mind being dubbed a cappella since technically that is what we are, but I think, to some listeners, that word has a negative connotation.”
/ SAMPLES No bears were harmed during the filming of Where The Bears Are, season three.
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›› A killer is picking off the bears… and he’s taking out the exhibitionists first. Welcome to the third hunting season of Where The Bears Are. IN THE HIT COMEDY webseries, Where The
Bears Are, hirsute heavies Reggie, Wood and Nelson are roommates who double as murder mystery-solving sleuths. In the newly released season three, the whodunit involves the serial killings of Chunk Studio porn models. That steamy Jacuzzi scene had a little too much electricity! As the body count rises, the crew goes undercover to infiltrate the industry… but can they perform? “You call that making love? I call it the rape scene from Deliverance!” declares Wood – and fans are squealing like a pig, with over nine million views since it debuted in 2012. Where The Bears Are has also taken
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top online honours, winning best gay comedy webseries from sites AfterElton and Queerty. The new season arrives courtesy of popular demand. After paying for the first season out of pocket and the second from DVD and merchandise sales, this time around the filmmakers (Rick Copp, Joe Dietl and Ben Zook; also the series’ stars), banked on the show’s popularity and took to the crowd funding site Kickstarter. Asking $150,000 to cover costs, the team offered innovative perks that included IMDB producer credits, walk-on roles, meet and greets, paintings, dinners and even acting lessons to would-be backers. The pitch paid off and they exceeded their goal in March, raising an impressive $159,000. Imagine Murder, She Wrote filmed on location at the Folsome Street Fair! Things get hairy for the burly boys this season, but not to worry – no bears were harmed during filming of the 22 episode romp. Opening in LA’s Silver Lake and climaxing on a jumbo jet, look for cameos along the way from gay favs Tuc Watkins, Drew Droege and Sam Pancake. More: Wherethebearsare.TV
Belvedere is a quality choice. Drinking responsibly is too.
KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. FA C E B O O K . C O M / B E LV E D E R E V O D K A A U S T R A L I A
TASCHEN
/ SAMPLES
28 DNA
Brothers In Arms
To alleviate the horrors of war, allied commanders encouraged servicemen to form tight buddy bonds, and, when not in combat, they engaged in naked horseplay as pictured in My Buddy: World War 2 Laid Bare.
DIAN HANSON COLLECTION/TASCHEN
MICHAEL STOKES COLLECTION/TASCHEN
MICHAEL STOKES COLLECTION/TASCHEN
“[Editor] Hanson marvels at the unique bond (and profound intimacy) that cut through the inhibitions of men who faced death together… and as the glue residue and gummy taped on the verso of the original photos attests, the relics were not hidden but treasured and held pride of place in photo albums for decades.” — National Post, Canada
MICHAEL STOKES COLLECTION/TASCHEN
More: My Buddy: World War 2 Laid Bare is available at the Bookshop Darlinghurst, at booksellers worldwide and via Taschen.com.
DNA 29
Music Compiled by Marc Andrews
5 SECONDS OF SUMMER – 5 SECONDS OF SUMMER
VI
5 Seconds Of Summer: world domination, here we come!
ANTHONY CALLEA – LADIES AND GENTLEMEN…
There are few who'd dare tackle the George Michael songbook as he’s such V an iconic artist with a distinctive style. Imagine Rihanna doing Madonna, or Iggy Azalea tackling Kate Bush. Thankfully, Ant knows that when you cover GM you do so with class, sophistication and a good sense of swaggering sexuality. Recorded live at Crown Casino in Melbourne (there’s a DVD version available), there are guest spots from Casey Donovan (I Knew You Were Waiting For Me) as well as Ant’s life partner Tim Campbell on Faith and Somebody To Love. There's even a nod to Wham! This might just be the best album Anthony has ever made. E ID
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LA ROUX – TROUBLE IN PARADISE
Five years ago the pop world thought Elly Jackson was going to be pop’s new wunderkind. Along with her partner Ben Langmaid she plundered the ’80s for tracks like In For The Kill and Bulletproof to convince everyone she had staying power and was totally pop-tastic. Then she disappeared and La Roux were promptly forgotten. Five years later Elly is back without Ben but keeping the name and moving on from the ’80s to ’70s disco with a modern shimmer. She’s been listening to a lot of Donna Summer and Grace Jones as on the ebullient Uptight Downtown. A most welcome return.
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The last time an Australian boy band made it big internationally was – well –there really hasn’t been one. Cleverly designated as the meeting place between post-punk rock and boy band pop, 5SOS champion big, chunky choruses with sing-along bits that manage to lodge in your brain and refuse to leave. It’s a simple formula but it’s worked for many of the previous decades so there’s little reason to wonder why these four Aussie spunks have become chart favourites around the globe. Still, they strain so hard to be heterosexual (She Looks So Perfect they Perfect) make One Direction seem like circuit queens on a break from a porn shoot. Cute, but as we all know, cute can get tiresome very quickly.
ARIANA GRANDE – MY EVERYTHING
Long touted as the next Queen Of Pop contender Ariana Grande has the look, the voice and the promotional push to make it all happen. On the title track of her second album she comes across like a mix of Christina Aguilera and Madonna, which is not a bad thing if you’re looking for big hits. Elsewhere she croons like a sweeter version of Beyonce with Mariah Carey’s vocal prowess on They Don’t Understand. Not afraid to genre-hop, Ariana does sweet girl group R&B (Only One), power ballad Don’t Be Gone Too Long, as well as slinky R&B Problem featuring Australia’s Iggy Azalea, which is one of the standouts and rightly so a major hit around the globe. VI
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SEE MORE
MORRISSEY – WORLD PEACE IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS
On his 10th solo album Morrissey’s lost none of his caustic humour. Sadly, while the album titles are clever, the songs themselves don’t live up to the hype, as on the title track which is just a dull, mid-tempo rock song and not his best work. That said, the album’s bittersweet last track Oboe Concerto shows Moz stretching his creative muscles in an ode to friends who have passed on (“all the best ones are dead”), while Earth Is The Loneliest Place is a jaunty affair full of great lines like, “you fail as a woman and lose as a man.” It’s Business as usual.
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Books Compiled by Graeme Aitken
MALE SEX WORK AND SOCIETY
– Edited by Victor Minichiello and John Scott This publication marks a welcome re-launch of Harrington Park Press, a leading publisher of scholarly and general GLBT titles in the 1990s and early 2000s. This new book has an international focus, yet its two editors both hail from Australia and are well-known academics. Various chapters by regional experts are devoted to male sex work in Africa, China, Russia, Latin America, Germany and Ireland. Mack Friedman (who some readers will remember from his book Strapped For Cash: A History of American Hustler Culture) contributes a chapter on the history of male sex work from ancient times to the near present; while Russell Sheaffer looks at representations of male sex work in film. Other interesting topics examined include the marketing of male sex work, the clients of male sex workers, and health and well being issues. The book is extremely comprehensive and although it is an academic title, the subject matter and the diversity of the contributors ensure that the text is mostly very accessible. It’s also enlivened with more than 30 photos and illustrations and a very smart production design.
THE BOY IN THE YELLOW DRESS
RIO MEN
– Photography by Leo Castro This large-format handsome hardcover book from Bruno Gmunder is a photographic ode to the incredible men of Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Although the distinctive landscape of Rio provides a magnificent backdrop, the men that Leo Castro places centre stage are equally awe-inspiring. Only a few of the featured models are well-known – ex-porn star Harry Louis, model Maikel Castro and reality TV star Rodiney Santiago. Yet these faces are almost overshadowed by some of the other featured models. Leo Castro says he prefers to shoot normal people, not celebrities, “the kind you can see walking in the streets or going to the beach in Rio”. If this impressive sample is anything to go by, it seems that Castro has the potential for a string of books – photographing the men of Brazil as Australian photographer Paul Freeman has done for the men of Bondi and the Outback! 32 DNA
– Victor Marsh The author grew up during the 1950s in the suburbs of Perth. Now, 60 years later, this memoir traces the odyssey of a truly diverse life. Rejected by his father as a sissy, he learned to hide his interest in dance and his crush on Rudolf Nureyev. He also endured, but managed to survive, some pretty disturbing incidents of sexual abuse. As a theatre critic he agitated for the cause of Australian writers and, as an actor, he performed at the politically engaged Pram Factory Theatre in Carlton in the early ’70s, and at the original Nimrod Street Theatre, Darlinghurst. An encounter with a young guru enabled him to overcome his inner demons and he went on to spend more than a decade as a monk, teaching meditation in a dozen countries. He left the ashram to take up work in television production, on shows such as Young Talent Time, where he witnessed Kylie Minogue’s first singing gig. He also presented film reviews on Don Lane’s Late Night. Twelve years in the writing, this compelling memoir is vividly written, veering from tragic to hilariously funny episodes. More: The Bookshop specialises in gay and lesbian books. Phone (02) 9331 1103, email
[email protected], go to thebookshop.com.au or visit 207 Oxford Street, Sydney.
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THE DIGITAL AGE HAS made porn more
accessible then ever before and, it could be argued, cheaper, nastier, less meaningful and less satisfying into the bargain. One porn production company bucking that trend is New York’s Cocky Boys. They’ve thrown porn’s formulaic wham-
bam-thank-you-man rulebook out the window and recreated the porn paradigm. Radically, the models appear genuinely attracted to each other (you can’t hear the ker-ching! of the pay cheque with the money shot). They kiss with real passion. They say things like, “I love you,” rather than the usual trash talk we’re used to in gay porn. The films even have coherent plots – although that’s not as important as hot sex, and there’s plenty of that.
A Thing Of Beauty 34 DNA
Cocky Boy fans love the “non-porn” models and, as a magazine that values quality photography, the DNA team love that someone who knows about lighting is on set. A Thing Of Beauty is a hardback of stills by RJ Sebastian for Cocky Boys studio (published by Bruno Gmunder). It takes porn to a new level of creative and technical sophistication. Is it still porn? Absolutely. Is it beautiful? It’s that, too.
DNA 35
STYLE /with Matt Young ›› It’s true, fellas… the right shoe with the right look on the right occasion really does maketh the man. Paul LaRosa, head honcho at Croft Shoes, tells us how it’s done. DNA: There’s an adage about judging a man by his shoes; as a purveyor of fine footwear, you’d hold to this, wouldn’t you? Paul LaRosa: Absolutely. There’s nothing worse than seeing a guy who’s paid so much attention to the rest of his outfit let it down with a less than desirable shoe. What’s the rule? Should a man match his belt to his shoe? Not necessarily. There’s a time and place for this look. In a more formal or corporate environment it’s a good idea to match your belt and shoes. However, in a more casual context, anything goes. Just remember to wear it with confidence. Let’s talk about the shape of the shoe. What’s hot and what’s not? We hear the square toe is definitely out. We haven’t had a square-toe shoe in our range since Croft started in 2005. Avoid them at all costs! Stick to classic almondtoe shapes or tapered points. What’s the one shoe every man should own? Man can’t survive on one shoe alone. There is no such thing as a shoe for all occasions. Ideally, you should own a minimum of three styles. Firstly, a classic pair of lace-up dress shoes for weddings, funerals and bar mitzvahs. Then, a chocolate or tan pair of double-monks that can be dressed up or down – think hot-date, yet not out of place in the office. And, finally, a lace-up suede desert boot. Call these your weekend warriors. How much attention should we pay to the soles of the shoe before purchasing? Just like kicking a pair of tyres on a car, it’s always good to check that there’s enough grip. You want them to be sturdy and flexible. Care control – what do we need to keep our shoes in mint condition? It’s a great idea to give your shoes a light spray with a waterproofer before you wear them. This will protect the leather or suede to maximise longevity. Over time, use a natural renovating polish that acts like a moisturiser to keep leather nourished (never use this on suede or nubuck though). Suede simply requires a top-up spray of waterproofer every six to eight 36 DNA
Best Foot Forward
FOR A 10% DISCOUNT USE THE CODE "DNA" weeks, depending on how often you wear it. What’s the better choice of colour; black or brown? There’s no right answer to this one. Black may seem safer but it can be limiting as it tends to work best with blacks and greys. Brown, on the other hand, is a lot more versatile as it will work with a greater variety of pant colours – anything from greys through to earthy tones such as greens, browns and neutrals. Sneakers with suits – classy or classless? This can be tricky territory unless you’re Pharrell or David Beckham. Socks: stick to basic black or should we
Actor Walter Delmar gets it right. The shoe completes the look, rather than competing against it. (Photography by James Loy. Clothes by zakbrand.com.)
Almond shapes are on-trend, like Croft’s Adin boot in black (opp). Dressy and casual, Croft’s lace-up Ari (mid). Croft’s classic double-monk style, the Alfie (below).
choose to colour our world? Go to town! While there’s always a place for basic black, socks represent an opportunity to show some sartorial flair. Whether you’re into crazy colour or something more subtle, allow the occasion to dictate. What about sockless – love it or hate it? Love it when it’s done right. If you’re going the sockless way, sockettes are useful for both hygiene and practicality. More: Visit croftshoes.com.au to see their full range and check out their complete outfit style suggestions. Recommended!
#JUST SAYING /by Phillip Portman / SAMPLES Scenes from a bromance: Zach Rance (left, straight) and Frankie Grande (blond, gay) put the cat among the pigeons of relationship convention.
Frankly Zrankie, Do We Give A Damn?
›› The last season of Big Brother prompted an intriguing question: can a gay relationship exist when one partner is straight? DNA’s online community had plenty to say… Earlier this year, Frankie Grande (the older brother of Nickelodeon pop star Ariana Grande) and Zach Rance struck up a relationship inside the American Big Brother house. The pair were inseparable. They snuggled, spooned and stayed up all night chatting and created special dance moves that involved lots of grinding and body contact. They shared the same bed, declared their love for each other and, taking a leaf from celebrity power couples such as Brangelina and Kimye, nicknamed themselves “Zrankie”. This seemed like the gay fairytale fans of the reality 38 DNA
juggernaut were waiting for except… Zach says he’s straight. “I am not gay, but the bond that Frankie and I have is so genuine and sincere that I truly feel like he is my boyfriend,” he announced while in the house. “I like gay people. I’m straight and I only date women but Frankie is just one of the greatest people I’ve ever met.” Their bromance caused confusion among other contestants and divided fans of the show. Was it possible for a gay guy and a straight guy to have such an intimate, non-sexual bond? Was Zach hiding his true sexuality? Was their relationship having a negative impact on the gay community by sending mixed messages about what constitutes a gay person and gay relationships? We asked our online audience what they made of Zrankie and whether they had ever been besties with a straight guy. Many believed the touchy-feely relationship crossed a line that automatically meant that Zach was, in fact, gay. “What these two are doing is totally gay,” one reader posted. “Ladies and gentlemen, this is what you call a closet case. It’s one thing to have a straight friend, but the cuddling and ass dancing… no,” asserted another. “The only relationships I’ve witnessed or been part of like this usually require blowjobs,” quipped another. But some disagreed, citing how much times had changed and that sexual identity is now more fluid. “I love that a straight man can be so comfortable with his own sexuality that he can show affection to another man whether gay or straight,” one fan suggested. Another, broadminded, reader agreed: “It’s beautiful to think we are entering an age where we can ask for whatever we need from
whomever we want without fear of being labelled outright and forced to commit into a linear life path.” Others readers shared experiences from their own straight/gay friendships. It’s clear that we do live in a world where people blur the lines of sexual identity. Hollywood leading man James Franco is possibly the gayest straight guy around, often locking lips with other men, sharing beds with other guys, dressing in drag and portraying gay characters in film. He’s stated on numerous occasions that it would easier if he was gay, but he’s simply not. Then there’s Hunger Games hottie Josh Hutcherson, who last year revealed he’s straight but could one day meet a guy he’s attracted to. Where do we draw the line on what makes someone gay and what constitutes a gay relationship? Is it an emotional connection? Is it physical contact? Perhaps the truth is that there isn’t a definitive answer, and it’s not up to us to draw these intangible lines. Although it may appear that others are unravelling the identify our community has worked so hard to define, we can’t dismiss something as being fake simply because we don’t understand it. Is it strange that straight guys want to cuddle and hug us? Maybe. Would I rather spoon a straight guy than have him be freaked out by my sexuality? You bet. Join the conversation:
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NUTTIER THAN A SQUIRREL TURD #3 Here’s what the haters have been saying…
“Build a great, big, large fence – 150 or 100 mile long – put all the lesbians in there. Do the same thing for the queers and the homosexuals and have that fence electrified so they can’t get out… and you know what, in a few years, they’ll die.”
“I think we would be totally in the right to do it [execute homosexuals]. That goes against some parts of libertarianism, I realise, and I’m largely libertarian, but ignoring as a nation things that are worthy of death is very remiss.”
NORTH CAROLINA PASTOR, CHARLES L WORLEY
OKLAHOMA TEA PARTY CANDIDATE, SCOTT ESK.
“If you were born and your leg were turned this way [deformed] – what would you do? You go to the doctor and get it fixed back right?” FORMER HEAVYWEIGHT WORLD BOXING CHAMPION, EVANDER HOLYFIELD.
“It’s time for conservatives to unhesitatingly reclaim the ‘D’ word, dust it off, and use it without apology. A rational culture that cares about its people will in fact discriminate against adultery, pedophilia, rape, bestiality, and, yes, homosexual behavior. AMERICAN FAMILY ASSOCIATION’S BRIAN FISCHER
“…the teen storms out by choice and leaves voluntarily because the homosexual relationship is more important than that of his or her parents. And when that all-important relationship ends, the teen is too stubborn or already too-involved in alcohol or drugs or the premature independence of the homosexual life and he or she would rather drift than return home.” CHRISTIAN MEDIA PERSONALITY LINDA HARVEY, BLAMING GAY YOUTH ON THEIR OWN HOMELESSNESS.
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/ STRAIGHT MATE
Can’t Get Enough Of Your Love ›› Reality's The Bachelor is back! Matt Myers gets intimate with Blake Garvey, the man all the hussies are hustling.
DNA: Apart from finding a romantic partner, what do you think you’ll take away from your experience as The Bachelor? Blake Garvey: I’d like it to make me a better person, man and partner. It’s as much a journey of self-discovery as it is finding a partner. It’s not a two-minute dating show, it’s an active and full experience and by the end I think it’ll be quite cathartic. Is it surreal to be surrounded by so many women vying for your affection? [Laughs] It is! You have to take it with a grain of salt, but at the same time they’re incredible. Beautiful women both inside and out; driven, ambitious and funny. There are so many characters and it’s a privilege to spend each day with them. What comes into play when making your final decision? Everything! I mean you can walk into a bar and have 25 people and there’ll be a few that you have extra chemistry with, and you can probably have relationships with any of them. You just have to figure out what’s going to go the distance and what you want in a partner. Do you believe in love at first sight? Hmm… that’s a tough one. I believe in love at first hindsight! I mean you have this connection and chemistry with a spark of love, but it would be absurd to say it is love straight away. It’s a hard one to label, and going into the experience I had to have a very open mind. If I went in looking for absolutely love at first sight, that would make it a very boring journey. Osher Gunsberg has also been a DNA Straight Mate. How do you two get along? Great, and he’s so funny. The amount of things he does off camera cracks us up. Off camera he sings about whatever we’re about to do, and we usually join in or have a dance. It doesn’t happen before the rose ceremony, as that’s much more serious, but he’s a great guy and someone I’m proud to consider a friend. You have a voice uncannily like Barry White! Yes, I get that from time to time, and I must say it’s very flattering being compared to the late, great Barry. It’s almost a problem at times, as I’ve been told it has too much bass! 40 DNA
They have a lot of trouble with it and the audio equipment. Do you sing? I’ve never been a singer and unless it’s a karaoke night with some cocktails, it’s not otherwise going to come out. But in those scenarios I’d stick to what I know, and that would probably be the Barry White tracks. Can’t Get Enough of Your Love, Babe? [Laughs] You know that is the first one that always comes up every time I go to a karaoke bar! People are like, “Please, please… just a couple of lines?” And it’s so cliché and cheesy at the same time. But yes, I have sung it! Who is your musical diva? Ooooh [a la Barry White] I’m a big Donell Jones fan. I love his music. In terms of women, Mary J Blige. She has such a talented and beautiful voice. My favourite song of hers is Be Without You. Do you have gay mates? I do. In fact, my lawyer is gay. It’s funny because whenever we’ve gone to parties and such we’ll walk in together and some of the guys will look at me and he’s like, “No guys, he’s not”. It’s a bit of a crackup, but also very flattering.
“A bisexual bachelor… ten girls come out followed by ten guys!” How do you think a gay version of The Bachelor would go? It would be funny if they did it with a twist and had a bisexual guy as the bachelor. The twist would be having ten girls come out – followed by ten guys! I believe in equality and balance and think this would be a great way of appealing to both sexes. But we’re probably a long way off before something like that could be on mainstream television. If it does get off the ground, how about you host it? That sounds all right to me. I’d be more than happy to put the voice to good use. And of course Can’t Get Enough Of Your Love would be the theme song, right? [Laughs] Perfect! This is coming together now. Out magazine recently named the top 100 gay bachelors, including Adam Lambert, Wentworth Miller and Ricky Martin. Who do you think should be number one? Definitely Ricky at number one! He’s a beautiful man and has an incredible voice and above all else he’s a lovely character. I never hear a bad word about him. He’s lovely
with everyone from the cameramen to crew and makeup artists. That’s what stands out about him. I’ve had crew around me who have worked on The Voice with him and they think he’s just wonderful. So if you were gay, who would you go for? Shemar Moore. He’s on Criminal Minds and a great actor, but above all else he’s my fitness idol. He’s basically the caramel version of Matthew McConaughey. He really takes care of himself and loves his fitness, but doesn’t seem to be a jerk or have an over-ego. What’s your porn name? I lived on Stoner Place and my first dog was Tuffy. So it’s Tuffy Stoner! What does The Bachelor think of samesex marriage? If you’re in love, you’re in love. Nothing should restrict that! You have some pretty big guns, what’s the best advice for hitting the gym? Above all, be consistent. We can go through the phase of working out for a few weeks and then do a day here and there, but you need to be regular with it. You can’t come up to summer, start for a couple of months and then completely die out. Keep it going all year round. Do you wear jocks, boxers or freeball? Boxer briefs. It’s first and foremost for comfort and my preference is Calvin Klein. More: The Bachelor Australia screens 7:30pm Wednesdays and Thursdays on Network Ten.
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Who would Blake go for if he were gay? “Shemar Moore… he’s basically the caramel version of Matthew McConaughey."
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COMMON MORTALS /with Christopher Klimovski
Fright Night, Big City Would you let this sleazy perve take your photo? Our Christopher as Terry Richardson for his first Halloween. 42 DNA
›› Halloween is a massive party night for Americans, so for an Aussie trick-or-treat virgin in New York it’s all about the right outfit. But a "wrong" outfit worked fine! LIKE EVERY YOUNG Australian boy, I
have been dreaming of my first American Halloween since watching The Simpsons Treehouse Of Horror episodes. So as October grew closer, my little Aussie legs began to dance the dance of excitement. Under the sheer weight of this anticipation, my mind refused to keep up. In the months leading to this auspicious occasion, I began to brainstorm. I don’t mean sporadic ideas here and there. I liken the level of brainstorming to a boardroom at Apple as they invent a revolutionary new piece of technology. The pressure was on! This would forever be my first Halloween costume, to be remembered for the rest of my life – with pictures. Under this mound of pressure, I also engaged anyone who would listen. “What are you going as this year?” I would enquire, to which I received responses along the lines of, “It’s three months away man, can you calm down?” But I couldn’t. Everything had to be perfect. Everything had to flow. Everything had to go just right! [Wipes manic saliva from mouth.] I began tossing around a few suggestions to gage the reactions. Lukewarm responses would immediately throw the costume idea into the mental trash. When costumes became too elaborate, prices reaching into the hundreds, I grounded myself because who the fuck was I kidding, considering buying a jetpack for a “really cool entrance”? As with all my assignments throughout tertiary education, my best friend, procrastination, took me on a long-winded journey to nowhere. On Halloween day, I was without a costume. Frantic, I decided to visit an Op-Shop in East Williamsburg, toss together an odd fitting outfit and come up with an elaborate backstory for myself. I rifled through odds and ends, disappointed in myself. This would be another year without a costume and mediocre Halloween plans. Disenchanted, I picked up a red plaid shirt, walked to the communal change mirror and held it up. Behind me, over my right shoulder, I saw a Polaroid camera and like a bolt of lightning it hit me. I rushed to the denim rack and picked up a loose-fitting pair of light blue Levi 501s, navy T-shirt, a crappy brown belt and threw it all onto the counter. “I’ll take the Polaroid camera too,” I told the cashier. I raced home with newfound energy, hoping that it would all come together in a Cinderella-at-midnight rush. I showered, styled my hair with Layrite wax and shaved
my facial hair into mutton chops and a handle-bar moustache. I threw on the clothes and caught the L-Train to Graham Avenue where I was to meet Joey and his friends at Nik Blumenthal’s place. Nik opened the door and I knew my costume had paid off as he yelled, “Oh, no way! Terry Richardson!” I was thrilled it had come together so perfectly. In Nik’s room, Joey and Matt were twerking to one of Joey’s latest mixes. Nik and Joey were dressed as kittens, Matt, a veteran badass, was so over Halloween that he refused to dress up but after some pressure he agreed to come out anyway. Joey was going to DJ a Halloween party in the Lower East Side at 1am, which gave us time to drink and smoke ourselves into a frenzy. My great idea of going as Terry seemed ill-conceived when I stepped back outside at midnight. The autumn chill was strong but luckily I had drunk myself to the point of acquiring my trusted booze blanket. We waited for the L train to roll in and I looked around, hazy-eyed, at the slew of monkeys, slutty nuns and Barbie and Kens littering the platform. It was as though the entire city had raided a costume shop and nobody (except Matt) was exempt from dressing up. We rode the train to Union Square where we changed lines. A sumo wrestling couple were in a heated argument while a fairy practiced her ballet moves and her boyfriend, a burrito, was making sure his salsa remained in his tacoshell body suit. At the party’s entrance, President Obama and former president Bill Clinton were working the guest list. Wonder Woman stamped the back of our wrists and we walked up to the DJ booth where Willy Wonka was finishing his set. I sipped a drink that was mixed by Mario while Luigi was on break and looked out onto the sea of costumed New Yorkers. A drink blended into drink(s) and everyone became slightly more dishevelled. The beauty of my costume was that everybody wanted his or her picture taken by the notorious Terry Richardson. I ducked outside for a cigarette where Elvis asked me for a light. I smoked and surveyed the streets, polluted with combinations of characters interacting like you would never imagine. When you see a zombie making out with Marge Simpson, you’ve pretty much seen it all. Slutty schoolgirls asked if I would take their picture. “Only if you get your tits out for Terry,” I said. When they did so without
debate, I snapped away while they let out a drunken celebratory scream of rebellion and I realised this costume was my golden ticket to one of the most debaucherous nights of my life and a licence to document as I pleased. Once kitten-Joey finished his set, we went to an apartment party in Dumbo. I was told this is where the true light of Halloween shines because, in the safety of an apartment, people truly let loose and this was something Terry’s camera needed to see. Snapping Peter Pan and Where’s Wally making out while slurping Jell-O shots, I noticed my pocket was full of Polaroid shots and my camera empty. This didn’t stop me continuing to take photos as the level of inebriation reached a point where people stopped noticing their picture produced no physical photo.
“President Obama and Bill Clinton were working the guest list. Wonder Woman stamped our wrists and Willy Wonka was finishing up his DJ set.” A drunken vampire actually stood there insisting that I show her the photo I took of her while I attempted to explain, for the better part of twenty minutes, that on top of it not being digital, there was no film in the camera. She made a comment about how I didn’t even really look like a lumberjack and decided to catch a cab back to her coffin. I bid the party farewell and sat on the J train back home. Removing the Polaroids, I began looking through them. More nipples, arse and abs photos than you could shake a stick at. A clown giving an angel simulated oral sex. Borat vomiting. Adam and Eve drinking apple cider. I thought to myself that this wasn’t the most conventional first celebration of Halloween, but I was fucking glad for the experience. Intoxication certainly made the experience far more vivid. As I stumbled home, a homeless man asked for spare change in a festive manner. “Trick or treat?” he said, palm outstretched. I didn’t have a single dollar on me that I could find, so I gave him a photo of Pocahontas getting her tits out and replied, “Treat.” More: Find the author on Twitter @KhrisWarhol. DNA 43
ADVICE /with Robbyne Kaamil
Dear Diva…
Lost that loving feeling to a friend who keeps you hanging on but left you overseas? Never fear, advice diva Robbyne Kaamil is here. MY LIFE IS A WHITNEY SONG Dear Diva, how will I know if my man really loves me? When someone loves you they lift you up. They love you for who you are and not who they want you to be, and they want you to be happy. Actions speak louder than words, but you have to be willing to listen. If your man tells you that he loves you but he beats your ass, steals your money, screws your best friend, eats your food and has never bought you a slice of bread – he doesn’t love you.
CAUGHT IN CONSERVATIVE CROSSFIRE Dear Diva, my boyfriend comes from a conservative religious family. He has just come out to his parents (who are still in denial) but he still won’t be seen with me on social media, and of course I’ve never met them. I understand all that and try to be patient, but now we are talking about moving in together and he is putting me off with excuses like he needs more space, but I know it’s just his disapproving family – he is still keeping his public image wiped of anything gay. What should I do? Everyone has to come out in their own way and in their own time. It is a very strong person who can live their life without needing the approval of family, peers or friends. That type of strength is very rare. The one thing that can give us the strength to overcome family drama, pain or fear is love. However, it appears your boyfriend’s fear of his family and their opinion is stronger than his love for you. You deserve to be loved openly and publicly and you shouldn’t have to settle for being someone’s little secret. It may take your boyfriend years before he is able to stand up and come out to his family without looking back. He may never do it. Don’t allow anyone to waste your time. You can never get it back once it’s gone.
FRIEND WITH NO LONG-TERM BENEFITS Dear Diva, I’m in love with my friend. Sometimes when we get drunk we fool around but that’s as far as it’s ever 44 DNA
gone and probably will ever go. I feel like sometimes he takes advantage of knowing I’m in love with him, but recently he got a boyfriend and is being cagey about it, and I’m not sure if it’s to keep me around or to protect my feelings. I’m caught between wanting to know more... and feeling very envious. I can’t help myself! “Taking a break” seems so dramatic. What should I do? Your so-called “friend” doesn’t care about your feelings. You are merely a piece of tail to him. He is taking advantage of you and your feelings. Real friends don’t use each other. For future reference, please understand that just because someone is your drinking buddy doesn’t make them your friend. You don’t need to torture yourself with all the details about his new relationship. I usually don’t like drama but I’m telling you to be dramatic and drop his sorry ass today!
of the world! If he visits or I visit him, I fear it will only make things worse. What do I do? You were right to let your ex follow his dream. If you had given him an ultimatum and forced him to stay in Australia he would have ended up becoming resentful towards you and filled with regret. You may have to step out of your comfort zone and hop on a plane. If you have found Mr Right, don’t let him slip through your fingers. He is not messing with your head when he says you’re destined to be together. He’s speaking from the heart. You should listen to a song recorded by Gladys Knight, Midnight Train To Georgia. It’s about a woman’s relationship with her man she met while he is pursuing his dreams in the entertainment industry. When his dreams don’t come true, he moves back home to a small rural city and she moves there to be with him. One of the verses is, “I’d rather live in his world, than live without him in mine”. Go get your man!
PARTY BOY PARTNER Dear Diva, my boyfriend and I met in our early twenties and are now in our early thirties. In that time, I’ve become more of a homebody and like to stay in, watch a movie and snuggle, but he still wants to go out all the time. He calls me an old lady, and I know we live in NYC but – will his FOMO ever end? Just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to be clones. You are still individuals and it is fine if you have different
“He is not messing with your head when he says you’re destined to be together… go get your man!” LONG-DISTANCE DRAMA Dear Diva, my ex is the love of my life. We broke up because he had dreams of being an actor and moved to LA. That wasn’t for me, but I wanted him to pursue his dreams. It’s now been over a year and he still sends texts and calls and I feel like I can’t move on, and it’s the same for him. It’s like we’re each other’s security blankets. It’s hard to date new guys because he messes with my head saying he’ll come back to Australia, that we’re destined to be together, etc, but he’s on the other side
interests. He always comes home to you. That’s what matters most. Sometimes you should hang out with him for a night on the town. Love is a give and take. Be flexible and he will likely return the favor and spend more evenings at home snuggling with you. More: Robbyne Kaamil is an actress and comedian who has matched wits with Howard Stern and can be seen regularly on Here TV. A popular advice diva, she believes “when a motherfucker hates you for telling the truth, he will respect you for doing it.” Find her on Facebook and email your Dear Diva questions:
[email protected]. Follow her on Twitter @TheAdviceDiva.
OPINON /with Verushka Darling
THE RADICAL REVERSAL ›› Discussing child custody while tending to the flowerbed, Verushka Darling pauses to ask: are gays the new straights?
A YOUNG MAN RECENTLY regaled me with his tale of nocturnal adventures. “I went out clubbing ’til 3am and got sooo smashed!” reported the individual with a look on his face like he’d plumbed the very depths of dissipation. Honey. Come talk to me when you’ve seen a pyramid of lesbians pissing out a rainbow on stage while a man pulls a human skeleton out of another man’s arse, and all you can think through your jaded ennui is whether or not you can sue for dry cleaning if you get splatter on the Versace (Gianni, not Donatella) you just wore off the catwalk and into the club. Things seem so tame these days. It wasn’t so long ago that simply being an out GLBT person was a radical political statement. Being gay meant being part of a vibrant and closeknit subculture at the cutting edge of fashion, style, music and popular culture. First the gays would do it, then our straight allies caught on and, two years later, we’d see it commercialised and mass-produced. It was a time when muscles meant you were more Mary than metro; when you could pick someone’s sexuality by their shoes. Remember Timberlands? They were gay clonewear long before becoming hip-hop staples. Our parties were wild, too. From the massive Mardi Gras parties with 25,000 fully costumed attendees “going off” in a multiplicity of pavilions designed for each subsection of the subculture, totally decorated to transport you to a more amazing place than drugs could ever
All in a night’s work for Claire De Lune (left) and Verushka Darling (centre) back in the “hohum” 1990s.
induce; to the Sex Subculture parties, the campy Jamie And Vanessa’s Wine Bar parties, and the game-changing Home Sunday, Hey Homo and Queer Nation parties, where drag icon Claire de Lune and I amused ourselves by chasing each other around on self-propelled robotic animals. Everything was permissible within a community that was permitted nothing. We lived on either side of the Golden Mile (that strip of Oxford street from Hyde Park to just past The Albury Hotel). It was a gay ghetto filled with
fences went up between us. I never thought I’d moan, “All my friends are getting married!” and not just mean that they were hooking up for winter – or at least until they realised that winter chills didn’t prevent them from going out… and hooking up. Instead of popping pills, gays and lesbians are popping out babies like it’s going out of fashion. I never thought I’d be discussing childcare and custody arrangements with my peers. I never signed-up for that! Wasn’t childless, independent bliss part and parcel of the joys of being gay? I especially never thought I’d hear young gay men berating and slut-shaming men over thirty who go to sex parties, accusing them of being morally destitute spreaders of AIDS; while they themselves blissfully bareback their way to the epicentre of a new epidemic. Didn’t we all go over this before? As we become more conservative and adopt more and more hetero-normative lifestyles I can’t help but ask, “Are gays the new straights?” While I’m asking this question I can’t help but
“The Crossbow Killer was picking-off guys in bushland beats and disposing of their barbwire-bound, mutilated bodies in rivers… and yet, it seemed safer somehow.” gay clubs and businesses, a place where you could live and work without ever bumping into a straight person. An oasis within an often-hostile world. Of course, things weren’t all roses. Back then, we were being brutally bashed and murdered with comparative impunity. Homophobes would head out to “roll a fag”; a gang (who have never been apprehended) threw gay men to their deaths from the cliffs above our famous Sydney beaches; the “Crossbow Killer” was picking-off guys in bushland beats and disposing of their bodies, barbwire-bound and mutilated in rivers. You never dared venture down Forbes Street alone at night. And yet, it seemed safer somehow. We had less rights, we were fighting the scourge of AIDS, but these adversities drew us together to protect, support and encourage one another, and to fight for the right to not just be tolerated but to be accepted in all of our proud diversity. We were fighting for equality. Be careful what you wish for… As the years went by, the legal and social goals we campaigned so hard for were gradually won and we went from a strongly defined subculture to an integrated part of mainstream society. The revolutionaries became the establishment. This is not a bad thing by any stretch of the imagination. I’d much rather have my (almost) equal rights than face the discrimination and violence of yesteryear. But I can’t help feeling that we lost some sense of our community. As the ghetto walls came down around us, the white picket
be acutely aware of a divergent trend… none of my straight friends are getting married. None of my straight friends are having children. Gay parties and scenes are dying a death in some quarters, while heterosexuals are going wild. We are moving out of the ghetto, and the straights are moving in. I have been to straight parties where I – a drag queen – have felt visually redundant. The girls were blonder, their heels were higher, outfits glitzier and their bodies were even faker than mine! The men at these parties have amazing bodies, impeccable grooming and costumes that put the gays to shame. They’re sex-positive parties with fantastic entertainment that create spaces in which people are encouraged to be themselves in a supportive and non-judgemental way. In short, if gays are the new straights, are straights the new gays? It’s certainly something to contemplate as I tend to the pansies in my suburban balcony garden beds while blogging about my latest recipe successes after a spot of recreational grocery shopping. What? Don’t judge me! I may sound like Lexi “I’m so bored I could die” Featherston in Sex And The City, but I have no intention of falling out of that particular cultural window. If there’s one thing you embrace as a drag queen, it’s change. And I love change. See you from the stage. More: Australian drag icon Verushka Darling can be seen on stages and screens around the world. Find her on Facebook.
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/ FEATURE
Was I A Teenaged Sexual Predator? As an adolescent, Mark S King had no qualms about pursuing men for sex. Forty years later, he questions if the line between victim and perpetrator can ever blur.
Photo illustration courtesy of ethanjamesphotography.com
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WE WERE ON A DIRT road in the cotton fields, sitting in the back of his Plymouth. It had been my idea to stop and look at the sky, but it wasn’t coming off like a sneaky move now because the moon was full and bright and gorgeous. I’d been playing along, but I wished he would make his move. This was the part that was always kind of boring. He was nice, though, and good-looking, maybe around 35. It’s a balmy Louisiana night in 1975, and I’m 14 years old. Everything went as planned, and he got me home on time so no one suspected anything. But he was a lot more nervous about it than I was. And that was the routine during my teenage years. I had given up trying to mess around with other boys, because it took forever to talk them into anything, and I didn’t want them to freak out about it. So I got involved in community theater during the summer, playing bit parts or working the spotlight, just to be in the company of gay men. Then it was just a matter of getting time alone with them. My strategy for getting laid worked with some regularity, and it never occurred to me that there might be something inappropriate or perverse or even criminal about it – at least, it never occurred to me.
People tell me that the criminal ramifications most certainly occur to them. They say I was molested or abused, and that it was the very definition of the word statutory. They say I was dealing with adults who had the capacity to know better. And, most bruising to my ego, they tell me that my seductive charms were irrelevant, and that perhaps it was the adults who were doing the manipulating. Now, 40 years later, I wonder if my teenage memories are trustworthy, and if it set the stage for an adulthood in ways I’ve failed to acknowledge. Before I became a man, before the failed relationships and the sexual compulsions and the drug addiction, there was an adolescent who travelled side roads with strangers and took dangerous walks in public parks. And it is that boy, not the legion of adults I encountered, who fascinates and saddens me. Was my fate sealed in the cotton fields of Louisiana? The men I coaxed to those dusty roads aren’t villainous to me, and I still can’t allow them to be left dangling in guilt and shame. I won’t reduce them to simple pathology. I met Jim in August, right before my freshman year in high school. The summer musical was 1776, and I was a stagehand. It was practically an all-male cast, so it was a busy summer. After a matinée performance one afternoon, I asked Jim for a ride to a pool party someone was throwing for the cast and crew. Once inside his car, I told him I’d forgotten my bathing suit and asked if we could stop at his place so that I could borrow one. What followed was a pitiful half-naked fashion show in his bedroom and a brief, awkward encounter between us.
Afterwards, I happily got back in the car but Jim wasn’t talking much. He had become really quiet as soon as we were done. We had driven a few blocks when Jim let out a kind of cough, like he was trying to stifle something and it burst out anyway. I looked over, and his whole face was wet. “What’s wrong?” I asked. I had seen men in some personal situations, but I had never seen one cry. He pulled the car over and turned it off. Suddenly, everything felt quiet and important. “What is it?” I asked in a careful voice. “Am I in trouble?” He was searching the car console for something and found a packet of Kleenex. He held it in his lap and started to speak while he opened it. “I’m twice your age, Mark,” he said into his lap. His eyes were little cups of water, spilling. He turned to me. “You’re 15 years old. I’m twice your age. Twice.” His mathematics meant nothing to me. His expression toward me, though, sad and quizzical, felt like he was trying to read my mind. It made me uncomfortable. I didn’t know what he wanted. I sat there and said nothing. He turned away and gulped back more tears. And then he asked the most mysterious question of all. “Don’t you… just want to be 15, Mark?” I had no idea what the man was talking about. I sat staring at him with my mouth open. I was completely stumped. Seconds went by, and the car was silent. My confusion seemed to disappoint him, because he shook his head slowly and looked back WHAT DO YOU THINK? The law would make Mark the victim in this account, yet in hindsight he sees himself as the perpetrator. Is there a victim in this story? Children should
out the window. He was still very upset. He wasn’t simply crying out of guilt, they tell me now. They insist that he was deflecting his own criminal behavior by blaming me for not acting my age. They tell me that he was the one who had trapped me and I didn’t even know it. Whatever the case, Jim got more than he bargained for. I think he was a little frightened by the manipulative and unemotional 15-year-old sitting in his car that afternoon. And I think it saddened him because he cared about me. And yes, I felt trapped, all right, if only because I felt trapped in his car in this moment, where things were not going as I’d planned, because after ten minutes we were still parked on the side of the road, and Jim wouldn’t stop crying. I was staring at my shoelaces, because I couldn’t imagine that a grown guy would want anyone to see him like this. He must have been so embarrassed. And I wished he would start the car, because the party was going on, and there were probably lots of people having fun around the pool, and I really wanted to be there. I finally looked over at him, and he was blowing his nose. Maybe that means we’ll get moving again, I was thinking. Jim didn’t say anything else, but he did finally turn the ignition and the car rumbled to a start. I was so relieved. I really wanted to see what was happening at the party. More: Visit author Mark S King’s popular blog, www.myfabulousdisease.com, which chronicles his life as an HIV-positive gay man in recovery.
be protected from sexual predators and abuse but do we need to acknowledge that some people arrive at their sexual identity earlier than others? Or, is it that in order to protect
minors the law should be strictly adhered to? We’d love to hear your thoughts. Send them to
[email protected]
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/ FASHION
Super Crazy Funtimes! Luke wears Teamm8 briefs. PHOTOGRAPHY AND STYLING FLASH AVENUE STUDIO (FLASHAVENUESTUDIOS.COM) HAIR, GROOMING MAKE-UP ANNA LINGIS, JENNIFER GALLE, SERGIO ALVAREZ AND RACHEL MCCULLY MODELS MYLES LEASK, JAMES COHEN, LEWIS WOODLEY, BARNEY BANKS, LUKE BAKER, JASE DEAN, PEDRO SERDOURA, WILLIAM PROST AND MS PAMELA VANDERBILT.
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Lewis wears Tribe Australia swimwear and beach towel. DNA 49
/ FASHION
Jase and Jonas wear BWET swimwear. 50 DNA
William and Lewis wear BWET swimwear.
DNA 51
/ FASHION
Myles wears Teamm8 boardshorts. 52 DNA
Jase wears Stardom Underwear. DNA 53
/ FASHION
Jase and James wear Tribe Australia swimwear.
54 DNA
Myles wears Stardom Underwear.
DNA 55
/ FASHION
The boys wear Stardom Underwear.
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William and Lewis wear Teamm8 underwear.
DNA 57
/ FASHION
58 DNA
Models wear Teamm8, Tribe Australia, Stardom Underwear, CIN-2, BWET and Manus Swimwear. DNA 59
/ AFRICA
“YES, WE EXIST IN AFRICA!” Uganda’s anti-gay law may be down but is it entirely out? Don’t pop any corks just yet, warns one activist. UGANDA’S ANTI-HOMOSEXUALITY ACT attracted world-wide
condemnation. Politicians and activists prepared for a long campaign to see it repealed. So when Uganda’s Constitutional Court struck down the legislation earlier this year, imagine the surprise and joy that followed. Since 2009, when this shocking law was first proposed, many people have lived in fear and hiding. Some found the courage to stay and fight, while others were forced into self-imposed exile to carry on the struggle from outside countries. Dr Paul Semugoma left Uganda a few years ago, after he came out. He and his partner live in Cape Town, South Africa. Frank Malaba caught up with him for DNA to discuss the implications of Uganda’s overturned anti-gay laws.
60 DNA
DNA: Uganda’s Anti-homosexuality Act has been struck down. Do you think it’s going to stick? Should we start celebrating yet? Dr Paul Semugoma: This law was struck down by the Constitutional Court on the grounds that parliament didn’t follow procedure with respect to quorum. I was one of the petitioners and the law was struck down completely, which was pretty amazing because we thought that maybe part of the law would be struck down and this would take years to happen. In this case, it was totally struck down and this happened in the first six months since the launch of the case. It’s pretty amazing. Will it stick? I don’t know. As we speak, (August) members of parliament have started gathering signatures to have the law reinstated which, of course, can be done because this law was only struck down on procedural grounds. They can try to reinstate it using the correct procedures. If they do that, it’ll be back. Does this mean we’re at risk of going back to square one? Yes. However, on the positive side is the fact that it was struck down so fast. This could have been because of the international pressure; some countries getting out and protesting. This could encourage the president not to go ahead with it. Is there the risk of “mob justice” from the communities around the country who’ve had their minds poisoned by the law? That is a pretty big risk in Uganda. At the moment homophobia is preached by most churches and the politicians are also on the bandwagon. The risk of mob justice and violence is there for anybody who identifies as gay. These people would have to be very careful. There are just a few out people who talk about being gay. Most people are closeted and terrified to come out and it is understandable. Before all this, were people living freely as LGBTI people in Uganda? Of course not! They were really closeted. It was about being closeted at home, at work and in one’s social life. It was almost like being a secret agent – you had a few friends who knew you were gay because they were also gay. This was total and complete closeting. Is that how you lived in Uganda? Yes. That is how I lived! That is how everybody lives. Does your family back in Uganda accept you as a gay man? They don’t accept me as a gay man who is out. My parents and I have not had a fallout on the issue [of being gay], but they have expressed their displeasure at the fact that I am talking about being gay and am part of the face of gay rights in Uganda. That rubs off on them and they are not so happy about that. Are you worried that they could be in danger? The law required that those with gay family members had to report them
or be arrested of fined themselves. I don’t think that they personally would be in danger because the stigma is personally towards me. Granted, it kind of rubs off [on them]. They are probably under a cloud socially because their son is gay and talks about it but I really don’t think they would be in danger. Sometimes it is about weighing pros and cons and realising that if you keep quiet it also does not help. Because that would mean that you would not exist? Exactly. In order to exist you conform. You have to conform to a life which is
out. To do so, I ended the relationship with my partner and got out of the country. A few years ago, Zimbabwean president, Robert Mugabe said that gay people did not exist in his country therefore how could people that don’t exist get HIV treatment? Do you think African leaders refute the existence of gay people as a tactic to avoid facing up to the HIV problem? It’s a big denial and it’s all over the continent. In Liberia they had a conference where someone brought up the issue of MSM
Homophobia is preached by most churches and the politicians are also on the bandwagon. The risk of ‘mob justice’ and violence is there for anybody who identifies as gay. basically a lie. That is not something I could do. Here in South Africa, you have a partner… Yes. We have two kids and we are planning, hopefully, to have some more. I’m living a life that would’ve only been a dream in Uganda. When I lived there, I lived with my partner for ten years but it was a very closeted relationship. It was just two guys living in the same house and anybody who’d caught wind of what was happening would not have believed it. The only thing was that I became an activist and became really active in the village and people thought that maybe I could’ve been. I never confirmed or denied this fact. Here in South Africa I’m proud of going out and saying that this is my partner and my family and showing them off. Tell me about the moment that caused you to come out, and how that lead to your activism. It all started very slowly. It wasn’t just one moment. When I did my training we had lots of HIV cases. We didn’t have this focus on HIV as being a problem among the gay community. My first boyfriend actually died of AIDS and, apparently, it was a suicide. That kind of thing was not so appreciated in our community. It wasn’t until I was faced by a patient who’d just been diagnosed as HIVpositive that I started thinking that we had a problem in the community. I took it upon myself to do something. That’s when I realised that actually educating doctors was a huge problem because of the stigma, which was prevalent then. So I went through the ensuing years angry that people would rather that gay people like me get HIV than get proper information about protecting themselves. There was even denial from the Ugandan AIDS Commission and the Minister Of Health that [gay people] even existed. It culminated that I decided to come
“In South Africa I'm living a life that would’ve only been a dream in Uganda,” says Dr Semugoma (left).
[men who have sex with men] and a minister said, “That is not a problem here because they don’t exist.” So people then talked about it existing and this brought him to the conclusion that homosexuality should be criminalised further to get rid of the problem! In cases like this, the stigma then becomes something selfperpetuating. When there is denial that gay Africans exist and they prove that they do exist, they become subject to harsher laws. It is like being a stain on the fabric of society and society wants to wipe us away. That is not something that rests very well with me as a human being because I believe I have the same humanity as all other Africans, or Ugandans for that matter. What’s it like for gay people and samesex couples currently living in Uganda, sticking it out with all these things happening? They tend to be closeted. This is a matter of survival for them. They cannot come out. They live under very difficult circumstances
but somehow human beings are resilient and gay people have learned to live with the fear of discrimination. The risks of being found out, beaten up or facing violence are very real. The unfortunate thing is that getting out of the country certainly is not a practical solution for everybody. I beg them to hang in there. Have you been back to Uganda in the three years since you left? No. I haven’t. As a gay Ugandan who proclaims that I am gay and a person of some prominence I would not be very comfortable. This risk of violence is a matter of fact whether officially sanctioned or not. Another reason for this is that I have my family here. I hope to go back because it is my home country and I am not going to reject it but for the time being I have not yet gone back. Most of the people who will read this are in Australia, the USA and the UK. What misconception do you suspect they might have about Uganda and Africa that you’d like to put right? I don’t think Australians would believe that gay Africans don’t exist (laughs). It’s a very strong misconception in Africa, among Africans, that gay Africans don’t exist. Some misconceptions they might have would be that we want to get out of our countries. That’s not true. Our parents, our relatives are all there. As a matter of fact, us staying in our countries helps us shape the dialogue. I chose South Africa because it’s still on the continent. All we ask for is for conditions to be liveable. We don’t want extra rights. Seeing that the solidarity of the LGBT community outside our countries is strong, people in Africa accuse us of being “gay for money”. This is certainly not true. Nobody in their right mind would come out to be the pariah of society. We don’t want to leave our countries. The other thing is, solidarity works! I have seen it in Uganda. The activism we did around the Antihomosexuality Act… We couldn’t do it within the country. We did it outside the country. When that bill was first written in 2009 it had a lot of things including a death penalty. It took the world to stand up and protest against it and show Uganda that laws like this have no place in the 21st Century. Activism works. Activism of the Australian LGBT people works. The world has become a global village. How can we assist those people who are currently activists within Uganda? Listen to their cause. Be guided by what they tell you needs to be done. Sometimes, as activists in other countries, we’re not sensitive enough to what activists in a particular country are doing. We must remember that they are putting their lives on the line. Sometimes something as simple as having a photograph put online can be very dangerous to somebody out there, so be careful and ask questions such as, “Is it okay to take your photo?” This is because sometimes that photo could lead to death. The activists in Uganda are necessary and we need to support them. DNA 61
AFRICA
Frank Malaba: “I dated a man for eight happy and fulfilling years. Yes, it was possible to find an oasis in a scorching desert of hatred.” 62 DNA
A Thorn In The Flesh To many Africans, there’s no such thing as a gay African. Writer, broadcaster and poet, Frank Malaba PHOTOGRAPHY ISAIAH CALITZ dares to disagree. I AM A GAY NDEBELE man born in Zimbabwe,
a country with one of the most homophobic and racist presidents you’ll probably encounter in a lifetime. I knew that I was somewhat different from my friends and family at a very young age. Of course, I had no idea that it was my sexual orientation that was different. In sub-Saharan Africa, anything other than the heterosexual norm is more than frowned upon. In many places, being gay, or even thought to be gay, is punishable with a prison sentence. This can range from four to nine years imprisonment, and easily explains why I never saw or heard any positive gay role models growing up in Zimbabwe. When I hit my teens and walked around the streets of my city of birth, Bulawayo, I began to notice other men looking longingly at me. This sort of experience escalated as I got older and eventually men approached me and asked me out on dates or approached me and asked outright for sexual favours. Of course, I ran a mile in the opposite direction. It affirmed the fact that I, indeed, was gay and that this was to be a thorn in the flesh. What frightened me most was the hatred with which Zimbabe’s President, Robert Mugabe, spoke these words at his birthday celebration rally in 1995: “It degrades human dignity. It’s unnatural, and there is no question ever of allowing these people to behave worse than dogs and pigs. If dogs and pigs do not do it, why must human beings? We have our own culture, and we must re-dedicate ourselves to our traditional values that make us human beings… What we are being persuaded to accept is sub-animal behaviour and we will never allow it here. If you see people parading themselves as lesbians and gays, arrest them and hand them over to the police.” From this moment on I feared being revealed as gay, of embarrassing my family and of imprisonment. In the Ndebele culture, you carry more than your family name. You carry the honour and dignity of your clan. One of the most honourable things you can do for your family, as a man, is to carry forward the bloodline. The
thought of being forced to be with a woman for the purposes of procreation paralysed my very being. I remedied these fears by focusing on my acting career, which had started taking off and was the only thing that seemed right about my existence at the time. I was very successful in my theatre work to the point where I had producers asking if I’d thought of getting into television. Performance became a drug. It fuelled the false satisfaction that came from playing heterosexual roles in a country that I felt was not ready to accept me for who I was. It became so easy – getting carried away by the attention and false security of a
fellow police officer who had been taunting him as “Banana’s wife”. Dube was found guilty of murder, but he pleaded in mitigation that he had been repeatedly raped by former president Banana in the 1980s. The accusation played to the already taboo issue of homosexuality in Zimbabwe. In this context, how could a young, gay, Zimbabwean of my stature in society stand up and proclaim that I was gay, proud and that there was nothing wrong with being gay? It was nearly impossible. I had two choices. The first was to live in shame and hiding and never exist. This would mean dating a woman and being unhappy the rest of my life. The second was to embrace a no-pretence life to the best of my abilities in a public profession like acting. It would require me to be honest to all the people that I worked with and shared life with and trusted. I chose the latter and I’m glad I did. You see, in Zimbabwe the people who I loved and cherished accepted me for who I was, and I was able to find a breathing space in which to grow as an individual, and a chance to find love where possible. I never stood out, and tried to confront issues I did not agree with. Sometimes our existence in outwardly homophobic countries does not come in the form of large protests, but in the ability to know that there are people within that space and time that cherish us. My strength came from friends, work colleagues and the man I dated for eight
A presidential guard had shot dead a fellow police officer who had been taunting him as ‘Banana’s wife’. The accusation played to the already taboo issue of homosexuality in Zimbabwe. happy future in a homophobic Zimbabwe. The year 2000 brought a haunting reality: a serious case of sodomy was brought to the Supreme Court in Zimbabwe. The accused was none other than the first black president of Zimbabwe, Canaan Banana. He had been president from April 1980 to December 1987. Most Zimbabweans adored him for his role in brokering the Unity Accord of 1987, which had curbed the country’s Matabeleland massacres in which Mr Mugabe’s army is blamed by human rights groups for killing as many as 50,000 civilians. Banana mediated the talks that ended the violence by merging opposition leader Joshua Nkomo’s Zapu party into Mugabe’s Zanu-PF. So we’re talking about someone who’d played a gigantic role in changing the course of history in an otherwise segregated, violent and prejudiced society. This accusation had come about because a presidential guard, Jefta Dube, had shot dead a
happy and fulfilling years. Yes, it was possible to find an oasis in a scorching desert of hatred. One of my highlights in Zimbabwe was being able to find a group of brave and supportive young men who also had embraced who they were in a country of state-endoresed homophobia. I can safely say that although fear was injected into our hearts as young people, we also found solace in knowing that there were others like us who we were able to meet for coffee and go with to straight bars and nightclubs. I continue to encounter this spirit of survival among men of all ages in various African countries that are still under the yoke of the old British colonial laws that criminalised “sodomy”. This unfortunate pattern of laws plagues most of Africa. Having moved to South Africa, which has one of the strongest pro-gay constitutions in the world, I've found a lot more freedom. And I'm not alone. There are thousands of men in this country who have a similar (or worse) story than mine. DNA 63
AFRICA
THEY’RE CALLED THE “Born Free” or the “Mandela Generation”. They are the South Africans who were born after the release of Nelson Mandela from prison in 1990, and who grew up without the Apartheid system that politically, socially and economically separted black from white, and those regarded as coloured South Africans. They make up 40 percent of the South African population and are characterised by their sense of optimism, creativity, entreprenurial spirit and progressive attitudes. They are eligible to vote and will shape the political and social future of South Africa. Among their freedoms is the liberty to express their sexual orientation without fear. Oyama Mbunyuza is from the township of Gugulethu outside Cape Town: “I realised that I was gay while I was still in high school,” says Oyama. “My family is very religious so they did not believe that I was a homosexual.” Oyama met his boyfriend in 2008 and they’ve been together ever since. When the two moved to Gugulethu, six years ago, people in the neighbourhood did not know that they were a gay couple. They slowly came out over time and discovered it was not an issue, and they were not treated differently by their neighbours. Oyama admits that there was some initial shock at their bravery at being open and comfortable with their sexual orientation. “I have heterosexual friends and they treat me
THE MANDELA GENERATION Free born, gay and happy. Profile by Frank Malaba.
PHOTOGRAPHY ISAIAH CALITZ
I have heterosexual friends and they treat me with a lot of respect. with a lot of respect,” he says. “I know that in other parts of this continent, and in this country, there are people that like to make fun of gay people, but I have not been through that at all.” Oyama is confident that there’s a bright future for gay Born Frees in South Africa because television shows have gay characters that are portrayed in a positive light. He has just resigned from his job as a counsellor at the Desmond Tutu HIV Foundation and has his sights set on a modelling career. The Born Free’s are nurtured by the internet and social media. They’ve learned from each other and vastly different cultures from around the world. The older generation look to them as a unifying and healing hope for the country – redemption, perhaps, for the generations lost to Apartheid. Mandela, we think, would be proud. 64 DNA
Free Born South African, Oyama Mbunyuza has lived happily with his boyfriend for the last six years.
Gay Friendly Africa While many countries in Africa are, with good reason, considered no-go zones for LGBTI travellers, are there still safe and fabulous options? YES, IF YOU FOLLOW some rules and learn a little about the customs and laws of the countries you’re visiting you’ll have a great experience. Although there are restrictive laws in most African countries, same-gender loving people can have a fabulous time. Most Africans are warm and receptive people by nature and very welcoming, if conservative. Be guided by a professional company, consult a gay friendly travel agent in your country or research online. Here’s a few suggestions…
SOUTH AFRICA
This is the only country in Africa that recognises all-encompassing LGBTI rights in its constitution. Travel here is easy and public displays of affection should not draw too much attention in big cities and gay friendly resorts. South Africa has twice taken the title of Mr Gay World, and hosts the event finals again in 2015. Go to mrgayworld.com Mr Gay World 2010 winner, South African, Charl van der Berg.
BOTSWANA
“I could not change the law because that would be unnecessarily stirring up a hornet’s nest. I was not willing to lose an election on behalf of the gays. The majority of our people are still opposed [to homosexuality] so I must convince them first before changing the law unilaterally.” These were the words of former Botswana President Festus Mogae when interviewed by the BBC in 2011. Now, the government of Botswana has backed a call for the respect of all human rights across the African continent, made by the African Commission On Human And People’s Rights in June, 2014. While gay sex is technically illegal, prosecutions are rare and, interestingly, it’s illegal to discriminate against gays. Recently, the Lesbians Gays Bisexuals Of Botswana (LEGABIBO) staged a successful gay and lesbian film festival during Valentine’s week at the University Of Botswana. Things are
moving in the right direction for this beautiful African country. You may have noticed the Camp Kuzuma, Botswana, promotion on the first couple of pages of this issue. Adam Atkin, the Australian Marketing And Sales executive of the resort says, “Camp Kuzuma is extremely gay friendly and welcomes a lot of gay couples from around the world.” Adam, who is gay himself, says Botswana is already accepting of same-sex couples. Adam also runs an orphanage in the village of Kasane and says that many people in Chobe know he’s gay and that this has not been an issue for him. If you’d like to learn more about Camp Kuzuma go to www. campkuzuma-bw.com
MOZAMBIQUE
Same-sex activity is legal and there is a ban on anti-gay discrimination.
LESOTHO
Same-sex activity has been legal since 2012.
NAMIBIA
Female same-sexual activity is legal but male same-sex activity is not, though Namibia has not actively enforced its anti-gay laws.
Zakhele Mbhele, Africa’s first black, openly gay politician. (Read his story in DNA #176.)
Camp Kuzuma, Botswana. Mr Gay World 2011 winner, South African Francois Nel with the top four delegates.
DNA 65
/ FEATURE
Carry On Adam! A difficult childhood + a love of camp comedy = Adam Richard. As an Australian media personality, he’s brought nudge-and-wink innuendo to breakfast radio, gay-ed up sci-fi and flirted with footy players on the telly. But there’s more to his comedy career than meets the eye, as John Richards discovered.
“I saw a lot of really homophobic stuff. That was the style back then. Everyone was just telling dick jokes,” recalls Adam of his early days in standup comedy. 66 DNA
THIS IS NOT A SUBURB you’d expect to find
the Fabulous Adam Richard. Once dubbed “Australia’s Funniest Homosexual” by The Melbourne Star Observer, Adam’s public persona is one of high-camp extremes, of red carpets and celebrity gossip. Whereas this is the only decent café in one of Melbourne’s less salubrious neighbourhoods. There’s not much that’s fabulous about Reservoir, but it’s where Adam calls home (Spicks And Specks host Josh Earl also lives in the area). I’ve known Adam a long time. When we first met he was a spoken-word artist with a surname everyone misspelt. Now he’s a hugely successful comedian, a star of radio and television with a surname people only occasionally misspell: it’s Adam Richard, singular, not Richards, plural. Adam’s real surname is Dellamarta, which he abandoned because “it’s too hard to spell!” Adam and I created the TV series Outland together, Australia’s first (and, so far, only) all-
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Adam (right, wearing a dalek dress) in Outland with Paul Ireland (left) and Toby Truslove. “Everyone who watched Outland, loved it. And the people who loved it, loved it,” says Adam.
I learned to be funny by trying to entertain this drunken old fool who could turn into a raging, terrifying beast. Entertaining him was a day you wouldn’t get smacked in the head. gay sitcom and we’ve met up to drink too much coffee and discuss his long career for a DNA feature. Over the years Adam has done everything from covering the Academy Awards to appearing on Celebrity Splash to flirting with Brian Taylor on The Footy Show. He’s been a voice on the best-rating radio stations in the country, a host on the popular podcast Talking Poofy and on our televisions in Outland and Spicks And Specks. He’s toured both at home and internationally, and brought fisting jokes to the middle-classes. So at first glance Reservoir seems an odd choice (in 2011 The Age deemed Reservoir Melbourne’s 176th most desirable suburb. By comparison, Melbourne’s heroin capital Footscray came in at number 37). But in some ways it’s a homecoming, as Adam grew up in a similar area, on the mean streets of Brunswick. “Brunswick was a proper slum then. All the Greek and Italian families worked their asses off, both parents working all the time so they could move to Doncaster and buy a house – with cash probably,” he says. “Everyone wanted to get out of there. It’s all Hipsterville now.” So yours was a rough childhood? “I guess, but you don’t really know that until you look back on it and compare your experience of childhood to someone else’s.
That’s when you go, ‘Oh yeah, we had nothing’. We had months where Mum was cooking on a wood-burning stove because the gas had been turned off. Like, how long does it take to not pay the bill before they come around and turn the gas off?” And money wasn’t the only problem for the young Adam. “I hated my Dad. He was an alcoholic and he had a gambling problem, which was why the gas was cut off. I think a lot of comedians are outsiders and it’s the reason people enjoy our point of view because we look at life in a way that people haven’t thought of before. It’s that old tradition of being the court jester; someone who is not of the norm.” Adam’s first foray into performance wasn’t comedy, however, but Shakespeare. His first gig was actually in a 1994 La Trobe University production of Romeo And Juliet. He was a ringin to help out his friend, Corinne Grant. “I played Friar Lawrence. The director’s mum said she’d never thought of Friar Lawrence as the main character in Romeo And Juliet before,” he laughs. “It’s obvious really! I was standing right up the back in one scene, where everyone’s emoting, and I was just wringing my hands and gurning. Going ‘Oooh, I totally married these two and I didn’t tell anyone!’ I was in a Carry On movie while
Gaypocalypse was Adam’s 2014 Melbourne International Comedy Festival show which he also toured to the Sydney Comedy festival and Adelaide Fringe. The Age described it as “offensive, and not particularly funny.”
everyone else was doing Shakespeare.” He then started doing spoken word gigs and performance poetry, with his first TV appearance on Melbourne’s community station Channel 31 as part of Bent TV’s queer hour. So how and why did he make the leap to stand-up? “I was seeing a lot of it. Corinne had just started doing stand-up and kept dragging me to gigs because it’s really threatening backstage for a woman. It’s usually one woman on the bill and a lot of really blokey guys, so backstage can be intimidating. So she’d take her fag handbag with her and I’d just sit backstage and gas-bag with her so she didn’t feel so isolated. It was terrifying. And I saw a lot of really homophobic stuff. That was kind of the style back then. People like Greg Fleet and Judith Lucy were the aberrations really. Everyone else was just telling dick jokes.” DNA 67
/ FEATURE Hanging around with stand-ups meant that people kept telling him he should try it, so eventually he did. Was he the only gay in the stand-up village at the time? “There were others, but no one had really made it the focus of what they did. Scott Brennan started not long after I did, and he would occasionally mention it, but it wasn’t the centre of his stuff. Toby Sullivan was also working around then, and even afterwards when Anthony Menchetti started he didn’t mention he was gay. It was songs about girlfriends for the first few years before he told everyone he’d been to gay conversion school!” So you deliberately chose your sexuality as a focus? “It was meant to address the balance. I would deliberately not mention it until about a minute or two minutes in, get laughs with regular jokes, and then bring it up. Sometimes you go and see a stand up and they’ve got maybe a missing arm? Or they’re in a wheelchair or something and they don’t mention it? And you’re like, ‘I just need you to acknowledge that. Just bring it up!’ And for me, I’m quite camp. So I felt like I had to mention it.” Adam famously let the audience acknowledge his gayness with a joke along the lines of, “You may have guessed I’m gay – by my accent.” “It was almost like the audience going, ‘Oh thank god, he knows!’” What followed was a surprisingly meteoric rise in the stand-up scene. “January 1997 was my fifth ever gig and it was a Raw Comedy heat, and that was in the national final with Lawrence Mooney, Damian Callinan and Tahir from Fat Pizza… people had seen me on that and I just started to get work. A lot of work all of a sudden. My sixth ever gig – my first paid gig – was at The Last Laugh supporting Simon Pegg. I got so much work I was not ready for. I went to the Edinburgh Festival and I was meant to be doing the middle bracket, the middle 15 minutes, which is about where I was in my abilities, but the guy who was meant to MC couldn’t, so I said I would. I just went, ‘Yeah, I’ll try that,’ and if it fucks up who cares?” Many comedians talk about growing up loving Billy Connolly or Bill Hicks records and knowing they wanted to be like them, but Adam’s comedy touchstones were, unsurprisingly, different. “I liked really camp stuff when I was a kid! Are You Being Served? was my favourite show, after Doctor Who, obviously. I loved Carry On movies; Kenneth Williams was hysterical. I really had no idea about the sexual context of it, just Bernard Bresslaw dressed as a nurse was the funniest thing I’d ever seen because he’s the most unconvincing woman! I used to love John-Michael Howson on The Mike Walsh Show. That was essentially what I felt like I was doing on the radio. “My favourite musical was, and still is, Gypsy – which is inappropriate for an eight-year-old 68 DNA
to be loving. I used to make my mum play Big Spender and I would do the Gypsy Rose Lee strip to get changed out of my pyjamas and into my clothes to go to school.” Before DNA readers write in angrily, Adam adds, “I know Big Spender’s not from Gypsy but that was my favourite.” We assume your mum ‘knew’ then, from an early age? “I think it was fairly apparent.” Having mentioned that the comedy scene at the time was blokey, it seems odd that Adam’s next move was to commercial radio, which is famous for its blokey machismo. “When I did Fox FM, they wanted someone gay because it was a female-skewed station and they knew that every women in their thirties had a gay best friend. They wanted to have a gay best friend on the radio so the radio would be their gay best friend in the car on the way to work. So they created this celebrity gossip role. It’s not a job I’d ever desperately wanted. It was a bit of an accidental career.” Well aware that there were potentially homophobic undertones to having “the gay guy” doing the gossip segment, Adam felt the good outweighed the bad. “It’s about choosing what you want to subvert,” he says. “There’s no point fighting a battle before you’ve got a job. You can’t change the world from the outside, you have to be
inside. When I worked at Fox, the number one reason for wanting to do that job was that the majority of people listening to radio are listening to your show. And if you’re a gay voice on the radio, regardless of how you get there or what you’re doing, then over a period of time people just become okay with it. That was my thinking. We’re being listened to by mums in cars. I started in 2003 and the kids of those mums would have gone from four- or five-years-old to teenagers. And hopefully, having a mum who for ten years thinks I’m hilarious, they will be able to go, ‘Mum, I’m gay,’ and her first question is, ‘Are you as funny as Adam Richard?’” He laughs. “It’s not about saying anything particular or being particularly political, it’s just about being there, constantly. Every day. For a million people in a city of three million people, listening to you talk shit about the Kardashians. “Whenever I had problems with management or felt what I was doing was hollow or shallow or awful, I would just remember that unlike Richard Reid or Nelson on the morning shows, while they were really camp, there was never any discussion of their sexuality. Whereas I would always bring it up. It’s not like I have a gay agenda, it’s just that if you don’t mention it, you become invisible.” Things seem to have shifted in the years since Adam started. Comedy has embraced the gays
Early influences: (top) John Inman, Mollie Sugden and Wendy Richard in Are You Being Served? (left) Kenneth Williams of Carry On fame, and (right) Bernard Bresslaw as a nurse in Carry On Doctor was, “the funniest thing I’d ever seen because he’s the most unconvincing woman!” says Adam.
with Tom Ballard, Josh Thomas and Hannah Gadsby now high-profile performers who are comfortably out. “Josh is the face of a huge, multi-million dollar advertising campaign at the moment [Optus]. It’s a big deal. But I still feel like here in Australia we’re a bit behind. It was a big decision at the ABC [to cast Adam in] Spicks And Specks when it shouldn’t have been. People are comfortable with gay people who are not, like, that gay. Josh isn’t that gay, Tom’s not that gay. I am that gay. Joel Creasey is that gay. And I think on some level that’s still threatening, that de-masculinisation of being a man is difficult for people. Comedy is a really masculine art form.” So gay is not the problem, being camp is? “Yes, but I also think it’s a threat to being gay, too. Gay people see it as behaviour from the old days when it was a secret language and you used to talk like that so other gay people would know that you were gay and you could hook up in the toilets. But yeah, I’ve always been a warts and all… faggot.” Adam lets out a hearty laugh at this crude summation of his life. If he was starting again now would his material be as gay-focussed as it was then? “I probably wouldn’t start.” At all? “I probably wouldn’t see the need. I felt I was doing something. I had an agenda other than
People are comfortable with gay people who are not that gay. Josh Thomas isn’t that gay. Tom Ballard isn’t that gay. I am that gay. And I think on some level that’s still threatening. just doing stand up, other than just telling jokes. That’s a problem for a lot of comedians: a lot get into comedy wanting to be on television or to become an actor or to do something else. But you need to have some kind of an agenda. You need to be saying something. That’s what should drive your writing and your performance. Some people just want to talk about vegetables and the automatic checkout at Coles. If that’s their end point they will eventually run out of impetus. You’ll get up one day and go, ‘I don’t want to talk about anything today.’ Something always pisses me off. I’ve always got something I need to talk about.”
Ella Hooper, Josh Earl and Adam in the Spicks And Specks re-boot.
Adam’s had two somewhat truncated ABC television adventures: the narrative comedy Outland and the rebooted Spicks And Specks. Let’s start with Outland, the show we made together. “Everyone who watched it, loved it. And the people who loved it loved it. I went to the Samsung shop in Sydney the other day and the guy was like, ‘Oh my God! You’re from Outland. I loved that show!’ “I was stopped by lesbians on the street in Seattle who wanted to tell me how much they loved it, which was a fascinating experience. We had feminist blogs around the world raving about it, which is odd for a show with only one woman in it. People know me from all sorts of things but with Outland it’s always really affectionate. It’s a different kind of…” He trails off and shrugs. “And now it’s on Hulu [in the US]. Maybe we’ll find a new audience.” What about the new Spicks And Specks, in which Adam along with Ella Hooper and Josh Earl replaced the original cast of Adam Hills, Alan Brough and Myf Warhurst. Why didn’t that set the world on fire? “I think the people who liked it last time didn’t want anyone else to be sitting in those chairs. That’s understandable. I think there probably would have been a new audience for it if they’d done any publicity. I just think that the people who would’ve enjoyed it didn’t know it was on. But television isn’t communal any more and the numbers are down generally. Our iview numbers were mad and I’d get random texts at all hours. ‘I’m loving this show.’ Which show?” It’s hard to imagine what could possibly replace it for the same cost. “Well, nothing in a studio, nothing with an audience, nothing with a crew. I think the ABC will essentially be cat videos from YouTube from now on. I loved it. It was really good fun. I love Josh and Ella, all the production crew were amazing, all the floor people were amazing. It was the best job I’ve ever had. I would’ve happily done it for 20 years and not blinked. So I’m kind of relieved that it finished,” he jokes. “Jobs you enjoy should end because now I can
set about challenging myself as opposed to just going to work and having fun.” He’s left radio, Spicks And Specks has finished – what now? “I’m having three months off so when I get to the end of it I can ask myself what I want to do now. The last three years of radio were exhausting. I’m 43 now, and when you hit your forties the hangovers get more difficult. That’s part of the reason I haven’t had a drink in 12 months. I’m just really tired, physically exhausted. I’d really like to start writing comics again. I went to comic-writing school in 1991 and loved it and I never did anything with it. I had prepared a few submissions and then did my first gig and got really side tracked. I went from doing one gig in December 1996 to getting a Moosehead [comedy award] and going to Edinburgh in ’98. My mum died and I lived off her money for a year, just learning to be a stand-up. So I feel like I’m starting a whole new thing. I need a break.” After many years of avoiding mentioning his parents and his upbringing, he’s now opening up about his past. Is his childhood something he’s now come to terms with? “I’ve been doing a lot of therapy because I was having debilitating panic attacks. They were awful,” he says. “So I’ve been doing a lot of work on myself to be okay with who I am. When you’ve had a terrible childhood you just want to keep running, and it’s exhausting. Eventually you have to accept that it’s part of who you are. That’s where I came from. I learned to be funny by trying to entertain this drunken old fool who could, at any given moment, turn into a raging, terrifying beast. Entertaining him was a day you wouldn’t get smacked in the head. And that instinct, that reflex is something I’ve used to make quite a good living. So to run away from that would be to run away from who I am. Not everything is always going to be as pristine and shiny as we want it to be. Things are uncomfortable and difficult and that’s just life. It’s just, you know, day-to-day existence. Just because you came from somewhere bad doesn’t mean you have to constantly live there.” DNA 69
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Department Of Waist Management
Some form of underwear is tucked into the top drawer of every man’s tallboy – but how exactly did it arrive there? Matthew Myers offers a brief history. IN THE BIBLICAL BEGINNING, Adam’s modesty
brought about the fig leaf. Primitive tribes wore a protective gourd around their goods, but it was prehistoric man who first covered up with animal skins and fabrics woven from plants. The lap-lap (yes, like the thing Tarzan wears) hung around, literally, to become a staple of the ancient Egyptians, Romans and Greeks. They were considered so essential that King Tutankhamun had 145 of them, known as shendoh, stacked in his tomb in preparation for the afterlife. By the Medieval period, men’s underwear, known as braies were made of linen. They were loose-fitting drawers that stopped mid-calf. A prototype to knickerbockers, the lace-up breeches were a firm favourite for knights, who wore them under their armour. But by the time of the Renaissance, our forefathers decided that having to lace and un-lace each time they took a pee was too darn annoying and, voila! The codpiece was born. The codpiece’s main purpose was to provide a simple and quick opening men could use for relieving themselves, and, in many ways, was a precursor to the taken-for-granted modern fly (known in tailoring terms as a split fall). King Henry VIII was the best publicist for the codpiece. His was exceptionally large – he was, after all, the king. In fact, during the Middle Ages the word cod didn’t just apply
The codpiece protrudes proudly from beneath the folds in this portrait of England’s King Henry VIII by Hans Holbein. The codpiece was convenient and practical but also a statement of virility and power.
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Before Beckham: American boxer Jack Dempsey (above) had, perhaps, the greatest influence of any sportsman on men’s underwear trends in the 20th Century. The boxer short (left) is named after the style of shorts he wore to fight in. Note also, the singlet-style top (right), sometimes called a tank top.
to something served with chips, it actually meant scrotum. And while many copied the king’s style for the remainder of the 16th Century, historians have debated if old Henry’s huge codpiece actually contained medicated bandages to combat venereal disease. Having said that, the codpiece was also often used as a handy pocket. Obviously not for condoms. In the Victorian era, a tighter, longer-legged garment that connected with a shirt became popular. It later evolved into the “union suit”, worn by soldiers in the American civil war. Known for their warmth and a convenient “drop seat” or “fireman’s flap” at the back, this head-to-toe garment would, in turn, become the tighter long johns, named after the champion
boxer who made them famous, John L Sullivan. Curiously, the boxing ring brought about another advent in men’s undies: the boxer short. Jacob Golomb, who developed the Everlast sports brand, decided to create a featherweight style of boxing shorts and replaced the trunk’s leather belt with an elastic waistband. By the 1930s, what had be seen as prizefighters’ sportswear became the in-vogue underwear of the Jazz Age. During this time period, the word “underpants” entered the dictionary, and boxers were all of a sudden challenged with a rival – briefs! In 1935, Arthur Kneibler, an apparel engineer at Coopers hosiery company received a postcard from a friend visiting the French
The traditional loincloth involves roles of fabric carefully twisted between the legs and around the waist rather than the leather lap-lap that Tarzan is often depicted wearing.
Fabrics have evolved but the cut of men’s underwear has changed very little between the 1970s and today.
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This advertisement from 1934 shows how fussy mens underwear was pre-World War II. Postwar, the brief, the “gob shirt” (which became better known as the T-shirt) and singlet or tank-top became popular. Military simplicity and practicality had a lasting influence.
Riviera. Europe was already familiar with a bikini style bathing suit worn by men, but what Kneibler saw was a future in global underwear. He developed a new style that was snug fitting, without legs and featured his answer to the codpiece, a daring Y-shaped opening. In just three months of its release, 30,000 pairs were sold. It goes without saying that Coopers continued its winning streak and, in 1971, changed its name to Jockey. In some ways the overall concept of the jockey short wasn’t new. The invention of the bicycle in the previous century had brought about a development in 1874 – the jockstrap. Bicyclists, known as jockeys, were finding cobblestone streets a little too challenging for their private parts, so a Chicago sporting goods company, Sharp & Smith, created what was to become a modern day locker room staple, not to mention a favorite of gay men. Jump ahead to WWII and the boxer short was still being used as basic underwear for military men, and, in the postwar ’50s, boxers soared in popularity with civilians. Also making up part of a new trend was a tight,
short-sleeved military shirt worn by soldiers and sailors. What was known as a “gob shirt” became fashionable with a rebellious new generation: it was named the T-shirt. At this point, the boxers versus briefs debate began to unfold. Fans of the brief liked the snug support, while those favouring the boxer liked the hang loose comfort. However, as pants got tighter through the hippy ’60s and disco ’70s, briefs became almost essential. In Australia, Jockey released the Jockette range – super-brief, high-cut underpants that
What Became Of The Codpiece? Originally a metal case for protecting a man’s member during war, the codpiece evolved into a leather protrusion that was sometimes stuffed with padding and decorated with ribbons or flashy stones. Men also found the codpiece a handy spot 72 DNA
to keep not just the family jewels, but also their coins and valuables. When the codpiece went out of fashion in the late 16th Century, some suggest that the phallic emphasis simply moved northward to the neck. The colourful cravat, worn around the neck, resembled
the shape and evolved into the modern tie, a phallic shape with a neat arrow pointing right down to the goods. However, considering a man can’t store his coins in a necktie, it is widely believed that the modern day pants pocket is, in fact, the vestigial codpiece.
Marky Mark’s Calvin Klein ads made it obvious, but the fetishisation of the male body in underwear is not new. In this painting, the lead figure’s backside is accentuated by the tight fitting garment and his drooping stockings expose his legs. Look closer and see how his pouch and the hilt of his sword resemble a scrotum and erect penis.
reflected the hyper-sexual fashions of the ’70s Down Under. The sporty cut referenced the popularity of the Speedo swimsuit. Jockey became synonymous with men’s underwear and the word “jocks” entered the Aussie vernacular as a generic term for all underpants. But the winds of change were blowing yet again. The 1980s brought about a boxer revolution, thanks to innovative designers and a generation of cashed-up yuppies. The boxer short took on bright colourful patterns, particularly with cartoon characters, and continued to be fashionable into the ’90s. And then the most recent development came by
By the 1930s, what had been seen as prizefighters’ sportswear had become the in-vogue underwear of the Jazz Age. way of a hybrid. Enter, Calvin Klein. Along with leading designers such as Tommy Hilfiger and Ralph Lauren, Calvin Klein began a revolution in underwear that used sex as the selling point. In the early 1990s, Klein’s head of design, John Varvatos, raised the bar by combining the butt-hugging firmness of a brief with the cut of a boxer to create the boxer-brief, also known as the fitted boxer or hipster trunk. To top it off, Klein got a muscled Mark Wahlberg to display them in advertisements and before you could say Y-front, every man and his “boys” wanted a pair. In one of history’s greatest marketing moves, Klein cleverly branded his name across the elastic waistband. Who needed a billboard in Times Square when hip-hop singers and gay men could be walking advertisements? Calvin Klein underwear became so popular they became simply known as “Calvins”. Today, Calvins are as popular as ever, and the boxer brief flourishes. Underwear has become so innovative and sexualised that even the skimpy G-string and thong have given way to a new half-side thong pouch. Officially termed a String Latéral Flash Bleu Alter, recent internet images of gays wearing them on a beach went viral with the question, “Are they serious?”
Perhaps there was a similar reaction to the first codpiece back in Tudor England? Underwear design is advancing continuously. While Canterbury sells a style called “ball control”, some designers believe the next move should be crotch sizes, akin to the sizing of bras. Considering the ratio of waistband measurements to, ahem, one’s manhood, may not be as strange as it sounds. Andrew Christian, Cocksox, Aussiebum and others are targeting the gay market with enhanced butts and built-in front pouches that do for a man what the wonderbra does for a woman’s breasts. In the era of social media, it’s now common for brands like Andrew Christian to have Tumblr pages where fans post their underwear selfies. The future of underwear will no doubt continue to follow the many directions and dimensions of its forerunners, but don’t rule out the long reign of the original jockey brief. Reports from around the world, including our own DNA poll, show that a classic tightywhitey is still the most popular among men. Perhaps it can be developed into a loincloth? More: For further information visit undressedbendigo.com
Anyone for shuttlecock? Women are still the main buyers of men’s underwear. Wives want their partners to look like David Beckham. Mums want their sons to play manly sports like, er, badminton!
A Public Airing Of Underwear Undressed: 350 Years Of Underwear In Fashion is an exhibition currently running at the Bendigo Art Gallery in Victoria. Organised by the world’s leading museum of art and design, London’s Victoria And Albert, the exhibition details a history of the undergarment from 1750 to present day. Apart from many rare, delicate historical items, pieces from iconic designers including Calvin Klein, Christian Dior, Gianni Versace and Jean Paul Gaultier are on display.
Underwear revolution: the “string latéral flash bleu alter” (above) is the 21st Century’s first true underwear innovation. But is it really underwear considering it’s designed to not be worn under anything at all.
UNDIES: HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR BRIEFS? A DNA online readers' poll reveals…
Kinky Cut Underwear companies that market to gay men understand the importance of a generously filled pouch to create the right impression – not unlike Henry’s codpiece back in Tudor England.
11% Nothing At All Fun Prints
39%
19%
Classic White
31%
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PHOTOGRAPHY CESAR DI LUPE MODEL RODINEY SANTIAGO
Rodiney Ruffs It Rufskin and Rodiney Santiago (DNA cover #159) come together for this shoot featuring the Ruf Rod range. We like it Ruf, and we like it Rod! 74 DNA
Rodiney wears Ruf Rod boardshorts.
Rodiney wears Ruf Rod swim shorts. DNA 75
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Rodiney wears Ruf Rod swim shorts. 76 DNA
Rodiney wears Ruf Rod swim trunks. DNA 77
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Rodiney wears Ruf Rod swim trunks. 78 DNA
Rodiney wears Ruf Rod tanktop. DNA 79
/ FEATURE
We Need To Talk About
Rape
A year after being drugged and repeatedly raped by his handsome date, Richard Morgan courageously tackles the complexities of sexual assault – and why we’re getting it wrong.
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“I MADE THESE FOR US to celebrate,” he said, sauntering out of the kitchen with two shot glasses full of a red concoction. “Celebrate what?” I asked. He cocked his head to one side. “You’re here!” he cheered. “You finally made it.” I had been on a long, gruelling bus ride up from Washington DC to his apartment in New York. It was already 9:45pm on a Friday last summer. I felt sore and had just taken a shower to rid the bus experience from my skin. I laughed and, holding the towel around my waist in one hand and the shot glass in the other, I looked at it. “What’s in it?” “Gin!” I thought he said, more excitedly than he should have. Gin makes me sick. “That’s not really my thing,” I said. Then he pouted, comically and even adorably: “But I made it just for us.” So I drank it and it was a bit sharp but really delicious, like tart watermelon. “You can hardly taste the gin,” I said. “What gin?” “You said there was gin.” He laughed. “I said G.” He meant GHB, Gamma-Hydroxybutyric acid, commonly known as the date-rape drug. Later came several more druggings, as he held Gatorade up to my limp lips with who-knows-what mixed in. I spent the weekend – about 60 hours – semiconscious and didn’t leave his apartment until Monday morning. Sometimes I think I never left his apartment, that someone who merely looks and sounds like me walked out.
handsome: 30, well-built, tall with long black hair, a surfer’s laugh, and great taste in X-Men (Gambit). He was not some lecherous old man. He was not a sexually repressed loser. There was nothing about him that was “rapey” (a word I detest). The sex itself was – I can’t really say it was good, because that’s far too moral of a word and far more than he deserves, but it was highly skilled. He knew exactly what he was doing, exactly how to stimulate me. What he didn’t know was when to listen to me saying “no”, when to stop, when to realise that my kicking and punching and shoving and screaming and writhing was not just some sick role-play while he blasted Lady Gaga’s I Like It Rough. He covered my sobbing mouth with his hands. He hushed me and called me “sexy,” as in “You got this, sexy.” When I wrote about men who are raped by women for Details magazine in 2004 it caught the eye of [right-wing TV host] Bill O’Reilly, who discussed it on his show. “If you’re lucky enough as a guy to have some girl come on to you in that manner,” he said, “but you don’t want to reciprocate, you stand up and you leave, unless the woman is 240 pounds and tackles you. The man is traditionally stronger and better equipped to leave the room.” There is a great disbelief out there, despite the numbers – from the Center For Disease Control, the National Institutes Of Health, the Justice Department – about how one in 33 men have experienced “a completed or attempted rape” or how 12.9 percent have been sexually assaulted. Mostly it’s by men they know. (I have a couple dozen mutual Facebook friends with my assailant.) Some people still see rape according to the old cliché: vile men dragging innocent women into dark alleys and then brutalising them. As we are finally learning, the reality is much
People still see rape according to the old cliché: vile men dragging innocent women into dark alleys and brutalising them. The reality is much more complicated than the conventional wisdom suggests. I had received anal sex twice in my life before that night. By weekend’s end, it was 17 times, according to my fog-of-war count. Eyes squeezed shut, the tally was the only thing I focused on at times – like a ticking clock in a solitary confinement cell. Every addition to the tally meant I was one moment closer to the end. He moved out soon afterward, which helped erase the existence of that place for me. I was raped. I had met him a few weeks earlier at a house party, and we had hit it off. He was
more complicated than the conventional wisdom suggests. Sometimes those women experience orgasm, which can be psychologically devastating. I was erect for much of my rape (at least the parts for which I was awake, but probably other parts, too); my assailant knew how to stimulate the physiological response of an erection – as opposed to the emotional or psychological response – even if I was crying or actively trying to think about unsexy things. I wasn’t handcuffed or tied up, but was in a version DNA 81
/ FEATURE of dissociated shock. The invisible, immeasurable shackles of such a violation are immense. From the bed I could see the front door but it was miles away and I thought, “No, I won’t be able to get to the door, unlock it, open it and escape before he beats the hell out of me.” And what was my option, anyway? To run, naked and groggy, through his halls and down Ninth Avenue? It’s amazing how much fear can make you want – really want – to appease a captor. Rape may be as bad as murder, but, like murder, there are many kinds of rape. War-crime rape, date rape, rape as a ritual for pledging a fraternity, spousal rape, incest, rape with known assailants, rape with unknown assailants, police officers sodomising a man with a broomstick. Rape contains multitudes. Any discussion of rape is going to require us as a culture to get much more imaginative about it. (Helpfully, the US Justice Department just expanded its definition to include men.) Every time we discuss rape as if it’s only men dragging women into alleys, we make the act of reporting it all the more uncomfortable, burdensome and alienating for women being raped by their boyfriends, or students being raped by their teachers, or men being raped by women, or men being raped by men. It is an act of theft on top of an act of rape. What’s shocking about this limited perspective is, sadly, how much opportunity there is to see the full spectrum of rape in our culture. Not only are dozens of colleges currently embroiled in sex assault investigations – including James Madison University, which just punished three rapists with “expulsion after graduation” (or, as a friend noted, just “graduation”). There are the twin revulsions of Dov Charney and Terry Richardson. New York magazine put Richardson on its cover last month with the question, “Is Terry Richardson an Artist or a Predator?” as if a person cannot be both. There’s self-described “Vine star” Brittany Furlan on the red carpet for Soap Opera Network’s Daytime Emmys coverage telling a male actor, “We’re going to get you away from us before we rape you.” It’s a world where George Will realistically can defend writing that sexual assault survivors “make victimhood a coveted status that confers privileges”. The website GOPrapeadvisorychart. com, which tracks Republican blunders on rape, is now in its eighth edition. When male victims are discussed, it’s almost always about children – the [convicted pedophile] Sandusky stories and all their perverse variants. For adults, in or out of prison, male-on-male rape is mostly thought of as an attack on a heterosexual victim, rape adding homophobic insult to injury. Yet rape is, ironically, always on the tongues of men. “I’m gonna rape you in Halo!” “This Monday morning is raping me.” “Paper jam? Ugh, I wanna rape this printer.” The terrible thing about being a gay man is that it is dependent on expression. If you’re 82 DNA
straight and have never had sex, you’re a virgin. If you’re gay and have never had sex, you’re confused. How can you know you’re gay unless you’ve tried it? In the wake of my nightmare – and all the subsequent nightmares and daymares that have come with it – I wanted nothing to do with sex. But what is a gay man who doesn’t have sex? I wasn’t even sure what I became. When I finally freed myself from that apartment – I flatter myself; the truth is, he was done with me – I took the next train out of town. I wanted to be as far away as I could. From the lobby of Union Station in DC, I sobbed into my
I don’t want to give him even the possibility of taking more. Being assaulted changed sex for me. The total absence of intimacy during that horrible weekend restored my need for it. In the world of hook-up apps, where you can know the size of a paramour’s penis before you know his name – if you ever learn his name – sex becomes worse than casual, worse than carnal; it becomes transactional. Using Grindr and its ilk, men order guys over to their apartments as if they were specialty pizzas. Afterward, the 30-day anti-HIV drug regimen weirdly helped things. I was certainly not about to
In the world of hook-up apps, where you can know the size of a paramour’s penis before you know his name – if you ever learn his name – sex becomes worse than casual, worse than carnal; it becomes transactional. phone and told a friend what happened. He might have saved my life by urging me into a cab to Whitman-Walker Clinic, where I began a 30-day anti-HIV drug regimen. (I am still HIV-negative.) In the exam, when the nurse asked me to exhale deeply, I could smell his sweat and semen on my breath, and I began crying all over again because I didn’t remember giving – or being forced to give – fellatio, and suddenly I realised there was a whole extra circle of Hell, hidden horrors done to my unconscious body with no way of ever knowing fully what happened. I wasn’t going to write any of this. But even given all those statistics, I’ve never heard a story told from my perspective, and certainly never expected to be the one telling it. I had come to accept my life as a kind of ongoing closet: a secret room in which a plaything called Richard – called “sexy” – was broken by some zealous child. But the untold stories are precisely the most important stories to tell. The more stories that are told, the less they can all be the same. I know how dumb and selfish and even endangering this can sound, but I don’t want to charge my attacker (not everyone does). After the James Madison University assault, the survivor told the Huffington Post that, “It was kind of hard for me to deal with. I just tried to diminish the situation. I didn’t want to bring it up, didn’t want to talk about it.” That resonated with me. I don’t want anything to do with him. I don’t want him in my life, even in a courtroom. I kept imagining, perhaps too cinematically, that he’d toss off some haunting quip as he was hauled away. I won’t let him. I won’t even let him have a name now. He’s a nameless demon who has taken so much that
be sexually active in that time. It enabled a kind of monasticism. My new rule became that I didn’t want to have sex with anyone I wouldn’t bring to a dinner party. I recently spent an evening with a guy that peaked with hand-holding. (It was everything The Beatles promised and more.) So much – too much – of our collective gay story is about sadness and despair and downfall. Giovanni’s Room. Dancer From The Dance. The Normal Heart. Angels In America. My Own Private Idaho. Philadelphia. Brokeback Mountain. Milk. Weekend. When the two hot teenage boys in Y Tu Mamá También hook up, it destroys their friendship. Even Will And Grace ended with the lifelong friendship in ruin. It’s an unspoken tradeoff: gays can be in pop culture as long as they’re vacuous or miserable or both, as if we’re born with the gene for sad endings (#itgetsbitter). I can’t offer a happy ending here. I don’t want the sort of closure that turns incidents like this into a neat three-act Law And Order episode. I’ve decided instead – and writing this is the first step – that the resulting self-awareness, and hopefully, beyond me, a truer social awareness of rape, is a sufficient coda. It would be pretty ironic for me to force my takeaway upon anyone else, but in the year since my trauma, I’ve rededicated myself to kindness and hope and intimacy, which has made me feel comfortable enough to realise that my story can serve a purpose, too. That, I pray, can at least be an everlasting happy beginning. More: This piece was first published by The Washington Post, and is republished here with their kind permission. If you have been sexually assaulted, consider talking to the National Sexual Assault Hotline, 1-800-656HOPE (USA) or Lifeline, 131 114 (Australia).
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Best. Pride. EVER. SEE MORE
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Toronto hosted World Pride 2014 and simultaneously set a new benchmark for the globe’s gayest gathering. Marc Andrews reports from Canada. PHOTOGRAPHY CAMERON MCCOOL, SPENCER XIONG AND MARC ANDREWS.
THE CONCEPT OF WORLD PRIDE is simple enough. Every few years one lucky city around the globe is selected to host an international gay event that stretches roughly a week. This year it was Toronto’s turn to shine and, boy, did they dazzle. The execution was flawless, the sense of style was sexy and they managed to do it all in their famously polite Canadian way. It’s hard to find fault when every little thing was done so meticulously and with such attention to detail. On top of that, true Canadian friendliness made the city feel like home even if you weren’t a local. Toronto, believe it or not, was actually the first North American city ever to win the honour of hosting World Pride. It got the nod back in 2009, so they had five years to plan, plot and prepare their outfits. In case you’re wondering, Madrid is up next as the fifth city to host World Pride, in 2017.
! o t n o r o T g n i v Lo
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! o t n o r o T n i t Ho
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What Toronto did better than most previous host cities was to ensure the mix between partying and politics, enjoying the good times and remembering the bad, was just right. The organisers promised at the outset that they would put on an event “that you will remember for a lifetime”. They weren’t kidding. Toronto World Pride went above and beyond to make sure everyone was included, going the whole distance to serve up LGBTTIQQ2SA (that’s lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, interested, queer, questioning, two-spirited and allies). Once again, it’s that minute attention to detail. Even the weather played along. While most people don’t expect Toronto to be a city of
Grand Pride Wedding where Canada welcomed gay couples to make their commitments official. Lest we forget, Canada is one of 18 countries around the world that has legalised same-sex marriage (they did so back in 2005). Big names also showed their support. Melissa Etheridge appeared at the opening ceremony, Canada’s most famous lesbian, KD Lang, took part in a fundraiser gala, plus gay recording artist Steve Grand, singers Deborah Cox, Carly Rae Jepsen, Dragonette and even Aussie DJ Kitty Glitter dropped by. There were plenty of glittery alumni from RuPaul’s Drag Race in town and giving good face including Courtney Act, Adore Delano and last season’s quick-
The organisers promised an event to remember for a lifetime. They weren’t kidding. searing sunshine, think again. During what amounted to the 30th anniversary of Pride events in Ontario’s capital, the temperature often hit 30C and above. Thankfully, free water fountains were located around the festival, and plenty of sunscreen was handed out, too. While there were the to-be-expected big hangar-like dance parties, big parade and the street party, they were balanced by a human rights conference, a candlelight AIDS vigil and even an art piece to commemorate the 45th anniversary of Stonewall. The city also gave its much-admired multicultural mix billing alongside all the other events. For starters, there was a brOWN//out event for the South Asian queer communities, Black Queer Youth, a Trans Pride march, an interfaith service (One Song – Many Notes), Indigenous Arts Festival and even a
witted winner, Bianca Del Rio. There was still plenty of sex. Toronto hosted a Pyjama Porn party (“watch adult movies with other sex nerds,” it promised), an exhibition called Archiving Public Sex and even a nudist dance, Proud Men Exposed Naked. The big parties were held in exceptional venues like the gritty Pitbull party at the Liberty Grand, the SS Steamworks sauna which boasted a boat cruise around the harbour, or the Revival Party featuring a huge Circuitstyle dance floor plus a rooftop dance space offering something more muscle-bound and raunchy. Then there was the Prism party at the Sound Academy, offering a priceless view of the shimmering skyline from across the bay. The security at all parties was respectful and discreet, as it should be.
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/ GAY WORLD The World Pride festival effectively kicked off at the central Green Space location in the heart of gaytown on Church street. This corner block offered a place where everyone could come together to meet, love, flirt, belong, celebrate and dance. All proceeds raised were funneled back into The 519, Toronto’s gay community centre. For the Starry Night opening, they scored arguably the biggest star of them all in these parts (no, not Justin Bieber!) with Ontario’s openly gay Premier Kathleen Wynne. The mini political dynamo took to the stage to wild applause, proclaiming Toronto was “a beacon for inclusiveness. I want to shout out to all the pioneers who made it possible for us and all the kids to be here. We still have to be vigilant – that’s what World Pride is about. We are blessed but some people are not.” Before she left, arm-in-arm with her partner Jane, Kathleen declared with unabashed optimism, “Never give up… and listen to the voices that say yes you can!” As she left the stage, the formalities finished and the partying kicked off appropriately with the Irene Cara classic, What A Feeling. It just seemed the right song for the moment as a myriad of rainbow flags were unfurled along with a true sense of pride.
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Importantly, big name companies made a point of getting involved in the week-long festivities without it smacking of blatant commercialism. Air Canada was a major sponsor, the Hilton took out ads in the gay press featuring a gay threesome in a pool, while chain store Marshalls gave out rainbow flags. Even beer companies, such as Bud Light and Molson Canadian, were heavily involved. As the 553-metre CN Tower lit up like a rainbow for the Festival, it looked like there was magic in the air. That appeared to be the case right after the World Pride Parade. After steamy weather during the afternoon, a lightning-quick storm brewed and the heavens opened up. As it moved away, a huge rainbow appeared over Toronto. It couldn’t have been more magical if it had been designed by Disney. Perhaps Mother Nature just wanted to give her gay children a sign that she was watching over them. Toronto, take a bow. You did yourself, and us, proud. DNA’s corresponents were guests of the Canadian Tourism Commission. For more go to canada.travel
! e d a r a P e World Prid SEE MORE
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/ GAY WORLD
“Diversity is attractive!” Mathieu Chantelois was part of the team that ensured Toronto seized the day.
Mathieu Chantelois (main) and openly gay Premier Of Ontario, Kathleen Wynne (inset).
DNA: How did you initially get involved with World Pride? Mathieu Chantelois: My friends at Pride Toronto did all the heavy lifting by winning the nomination. Since then we have all been planning. It’s pretty amazing that we all worked together so harmoniously. What’s your usual job? I’m the national Director of Marketing and Communications for the Boy And Girls Club, one the largest non-profit organisations in North America. All my work around the Pride celebrations is done as a volunteer. Tell us about the Green Space Festival. Over the last seven years, Green Space Festival has evolved to become the not-to-be-missed festival during Toronto’s Pride celebrations, presenting a series of landmark events. We had over 50,000 revelers throughout the four-day festival. Beyond a celebration of diversity, Green Space Toronto is an essential fundraising event for The 519 Church Street Community Centre. What challenges did you face? We are lucky to have TD, one of the biggest banks in Canada, as our presenting sponsor. We also have the incredible support of OUTtv, our LGBT network, and plenty of major corporations and organisations such as the University Of Ryerson and Jack Daniel’s to 90 DNA
help bring Green Space to life. What were some highlights for you? The top four of RuPaul’s Drag Race were definitely a huge hit. Bianca Del Rio read the crowd as if everybody had more issues than Vogue magazine. Adore Delano was an incredible singer. Courtney Act made all of you Down Under proud. I’m not too sure what Darienne Lake did, but she served it and the crowd loved it! The newly elected Premier of Ontario, Kathleen Wynne, spoke on our opening night. It was truly amazing as she was just recently elected as the first openly gay head of government in North America. It was pretty awesome to applaud her and her victory, but my biggest highlight was most definitely the rainbow. After the parade there was a storm followed by a huge rainbow. Was it a sign from the gay gods? Mother Nature is obviously a lesbian. You can’t plan or pay for such a show. It was the biggest rainbow I’ve ever seen. At our TreeHouse Party over 4,000 stayed and danced under the rain. They then give a giant round of applause to the rainbow while hugging people around them. At our other location, the Disco Disco party had two queens owning the stage and lip-syncing to It’s Raining Men during the downpour. The festival seemed a good mix of all kinds
of people. Since the first day our mission has been really clear. We are welcoming to everybody. You create the right mix by sending the right message – diversity is attractive. Talk us through some of your events. We hosted six gatherings: Starry Night, a chic soirée where we celebrated drag under the stars; One World, where house music doesn’t necessarily rhyme with circuit; Lipstick Jungle, our women and their allies love affair; Green Space Main Event, a must attend bash; Disco Disco, our modern take on a classic genre; and TreeHouse, our signature Sunday event. You were given a special award after World Pride. Congratulations. The Toronto City Council recognised some of the individuals who helped make World Pride an outstanding success. I was humbled to be included among the amazing people named. This kind of recognition also makes me feel a little uncomfortable as it was truly a team effort. What advice would you give to the next city to host World Pride? Do what you already do but on a larger scale. Work with all the other stakeholders. There is absolutely no need for drama. Keep it cute. Some people question whether we still need a World Pride event. These people were obviously not in Toronto [laughs]. Every year some media try to resuscitate this debate. It’s such an old and homophobic question. I always refuse to go on radio and TV to participate in such debates. I tell the producers to do their homework. We have so many issues that must be in the public eye. Have the last word… Is it too early to make plans for Pride Toronto 2015?
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/ PHOTOGRAPHY
Berlin, Altes Stadthaus Mitte
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Royal Mint
COPYRIGHT ERWIN OLAF
Di
If a picture is worth a thousand words, why does Erwin Olaf’s photography leave us speechless? Interview by Tim Warrington.
DNA: How did you come to design the Dutch Euros coins? Erwin Olaf: It was a really amazing experience. Twelve artists were commissioned to make a design, with only three making the final round. I was one of those three! I tried to make a design that had an extra layer to it – not just a pretty design. There are many rules for designing a coin (durability, fraud resistance,
etcetera) and it was a great challenge to meet all the technical requirements. The Dutch landscape is made up of a lot of different elements, and I tried to incorporate these elements into the design by using different facets to create the portrait of the king. Speaking of monarchs, if you were commissioned to do a portrait of Queen Elizabeth II, how would you shoot her?
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COPYRIGHT ERWIN OLAF
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I always try to capture someone’s personality in an aesthetic way, so I would try to do that. But it really depends what the portrait is for. What can you not live without? My partner, Kevin. Your photographic series include titles like Grief and Royal Blood. What is that about? With Royal Blood I was interested in society’s fascination with death – this combined with our obsession for youth. The worldwide outpouring of grief for Princess Diana was a good example of this, a kind of mass televised hysteria, which truly fascinated me. What was the reaction to your image of Princess Diana? Largely positive but some people were offended. I kind of understand that reaction. She was adored by the people, but also she was the most recent person depicted in the Royal Blood series. I really like the portrait. I never intended to cast a look-alike, but once the model put on the wig, she looked a lot like Diana. It was a bit unsettling. In the classic novel Brideshead Revisited, the character Charles Ryder says, “a camera is a mechanical device which records a moment in time, but not what that moment means or the emotions that it evokes. Whereas, a painting, however imperfect it may be, is an expression of feeling – an expression of love. Not just a copy of something.” Is this accurate? No, I don’t think
I’m always interested in why something is a taboo. How did it become one?
Hope
so. A photograph can evoke an emotion just as much as a painting. I think Charles Ryder was a bit shortsighted! I tried to capture the subtler emotions of sadness with my Grief and Rain series, for instance. If you could shoot anyone anywhere, who would it be and where? I don’t have a fascination with celebrity, so I can’t really give you a name. I’ve been blessed to have photographed so many interesting and fascinating people all around the world. Are there photographic taboos – lines that you shouldn’t cross? I’m interested in taboos because they’re subject to time and society’s views. I’m always interested in why something is a taboo. How did it become one? I like to push the envelope by exploring these taboos visually. Who is your favourite photographer? I have a lot of respect for journalistic photography – the mother of all photography. Other than that, I don’t have a favourite photographer, but I do love JH Lartigue and Irving Penn. Have you blurred the line between art and advertising? Not really, there’s always a very clear line between art and advertising. I’ve used elements of advertising – mostly technical – in my personal work, but the distinction is very clear. In advertising there is always the product! DNA 95
COPYRIGHT ERWIN OLAF
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Grief
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Le Dernier
Self-Portrait (I wish. I am. I will be.) 98 DNA
COPYRIGHT ERWIN OLAF
Paradise
Tell us about the Milkshake Festival. In the heart of the summer we have a big outdoor party in Amsterdam. We’re trying to reach all audiences, hoping for a lot of fun and a little more mutual understanding between people. It’s a celebration of diversity. I’m thrilled to be a part of it. If you could have one thing, what would it be? [Laughs] World peace, of course. What has been the most rewarding highlight of your career so far? My career in itself is the most rewarding highlight in general. It has been such an amazing and rewarding ride. That said, the design of the coin was very special; receiving the Johannes Vermeer prize [a Dutch prize for the arts]; having my work exhibited all around the world; the reception of my installation work. The Keyhole [his installation from 2011/2012] was an artistic breakthrough. It was fantastic to have different fields of my work come together.
With razor-sharp aesthetic intuition, Olaf purposely conceals his themes… yet in the end, his unconventional style never fails to deliver dramatic visual and emotional impact. What have you got planned for the future? A new book with Aperture, which I am really looking forward to, a photographic assignment in Hamburg, which is going to be spectacular, more exhibitions, and a lot of holidays I hope! More: visit www.erwinolaf.com All images copyright Erwin Olaf.
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/ TRAVEL
Barcelona is famous for its gay Water Park party, but this year Tel Aviv threw a rival splash. Who’s wettest and wildest? Marc Andrews dives in to find out. PHOTOGRAPHY SHAUL ALFIAH
ON THE EUROPEAN gay party
circuit, the one unmissable event is the Barcelona Circuit Water Park. It’s hot, huge and horny. At last year’s event there were so many beautiful men it was as if an army of lovers had descended to show the world just how gorgeous the global gay gene pool can be. Little wonder that Tel Aviv, long-touted as the next big gay travel destination, threw its hat into the ring last June and held its own Water Park during its week-long Pride celebrations. Tel Aviv is the Middle East’s gay oasis. What could never exist anywhere else in this volatile region is encouraged within this city’s broadminded borders. It has the right climate, perfect beaches and a welcoming gay population
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with a wealth of gay bars, clubs and businesses to support the waves of rainbow tourists from abroad. With a very vocal and active gay population it seems only natural the city would want
to up the ante and add more feathers, or speedo pouches, to its cap with the 2014 Water Park, held on the grounds of a working kibbutz about 30 minutes north of the city in Herzliya. While the Barcelona Circuit Water Park is notorious for being a little sloppy when it comes to organisation, as with most things in Spain somehow at the last minute they manage to make everything work. Which brings us to the Tel Aviv event. This being the inaugural year, there were a few teething problems, most of them to do with logistics. While cab fare would cost around $40, the organisers were also offering a coach service for around $1 per person. So far, so good. Only thing is that the buses weren’t able to cope with the amount of people who wanted to use them. Over 2,500 people bought tickets
and at least two thirds of them expected a bus trip there and back. This led to big waiting lines in the blistering sun and at the opposite end after it finished around 10pm. The party itself was well managed with a good cloakroom and plenty of shade to keep people out of the searing heat if necessary – something Barcelona still hasn’t managed to figure out, or get right. As with the Barcelona event,
The mood was very friendly, sexual and peaceful. You would never have known you were next door to Syria, Lebanon and the Gaza Strip.
there were plenty of rides available and a huge wave pool with a DJ, sound system and plenty of Google sponsoring. Everyone received a complimentary waterproof pocket to put valuables in while splashing around, a nice and necessary touch, as were the free caps and bags handed out during the day. Security was at a minimum and not too intrusive, on a much better level than in Barcelona where you are practically strip-searched at the Water Park before being allowed entry. This tiny nation of six million’s most highly visible gay man, hunky Eliad Cohen, was busy promoting his Papa brand with swimwear, merchandise and appearances. The muscled Israeli was happy to throw some skin onstage for adoring fans and pose for photos, all pumped up to perfection. As is the Israeli way, being rather direct and living for the moment, there was plenty of canoodling in the changing rooms, in the toilets and even in the wave pool. Nobody seemed
too concerned, apart from one or two straight lifeguards, and generally the mood was very friendly, sexual and peaceful. You would never have known you were next door to Syria, Lebanon and the Gaza Strip. The music was on the cheesy side, veering at times into strange territory (as when the DJ suddenly played Bob Marley’s reggae classic One Love and tried – and failed – to get the crowd to sing along) but nobody minded too much. When the beats became more Middle Eastern in rhythm the crowd generally went wild, though they also did the same when Beyoncé was played, proving some things are universal – gay men love their divas! There were, literally, men from every corner of the globe wearing every conceivable shade of colour that skimpy swimwear comes in. Beach balls, baseball caps, flip flops, sunscreen and
plenty of very wide grins were the order of the day. Tel Aviv had never seen anything like this on quite this scale before. Hopefully those still residing on the kibbutz grounds had either taken absence or a sleeping pill, or were wearing heavy-duty earplugs as the party raged on into the evening, body temperatures only rising as the blazing Mediterranean sun was setting. That such an event went off without too many hitches, let alone protests or worse, needs to be praised. The holy land became the homo land, just for one day and night. If the logistics can be gone over a little more carefully for future parties (more buses please!), the Tel Aviv Water Park party is likely to be one that lycra-lovin’ gays will be coming back to enjoy year after year. Barcelona, you have been put on notice!
“Impress Our Handsome Men!” Samuel “Sammi” Dadon is a familiar face on the Israeli gay scene. He's run a gay restaurant, taught gay yoga, and currently presides over the Evita Bar in central Tel Aviv. He's also one of the Water Park event organisers.
DNA: What made you decide to hold a Water Park event during Tel Aviv Pride this year? Sammi: There was always a need for a big event during Pride week. We needed to create an event that was all water and only for gays and similar in shape to the world’s major festivals. It was impossible in the past, but now it finally happened in Israel. How long was it in the planning? A few months of work and another year of rolling ideas. The Water Park group has five people. How many attended all up? About 2,500 people. Did you look at the Barcelona Sammi (centre with beard) and Circuit Waterpark as your some of this benchmark? Of course! The event year’s Water Park guests. in Barcelona is our inspiration, but we gave it an Israeli flavor… or temper [laughs]. Your Water Park was held on a working kibbutz. What was their reaction? Everyone hugged us with love from the beginning until the day of the event. Of course we knew we had to keep to the basic rules and not disturb the tranquility of the people who live on the kibbutz. Are there plans to do it again? We decided it would be an annual event and we have already chosen the date for next year. What things will you change next year or do differently? We have already had a working group to talk about improvements. I got comments from people who had been at the event and they said they thought that it was amazing! People said that it was the best event held in Israel. What else do DNA readers need to know about the Water Park for 2015? Readers, we invite you to our next event and invite you to visit Israel. Visit our amazing sites, enjoy our amazing parties and impress our handsome men [laughs]. More: Visit facebook.com/ waterparktelaviv.
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/ WHO'S HOT?
Ryan Craven Ryan dropped by Frank Louis’ New York studio recently for a photoshoot and a lollipop! “Ryan is playful and fearless in front of the camera,” says Frank, “and, yes, his eyes really are that blue.”
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Ryan wears 2Eros swimwear.
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GROOMING /with Lee Kynaston
Hot First Date?
Put your best foot forward with grooming guru Lee Kynaston’s guide to pre-date perfection. SPRAY TO PLAY
Your fragrance should be a weapon of mass seduction not mass destruction, so choose your olfactory ordnance carefully. Never overdo it. For maximum benefit (and longevity) spray eau de toilette on places where it will be trapped against the skin – like the chest, back or biceps – and stick to a maximum of three sprays. You want your fragrance to be more a precision bombing than a campaign of shock and awe. You might also want to opt for fragrances like Caron Pour Un Homme, Creed Royal Scottish Lavender and Prada Luna Rossa that are big on lavender. According to research at The Smell And Taste Treatment And Research Foundation in Chicago, the smell of lavender can increase blood flow to the penis by 40 percent. I’ll say that again: 40 percent.
SHOWER HIM WITH AFFECTION, NOT DANDRUFF
In lists of top-ten turn offs, dandruff is rarely far from the number one spot, making it the Adele of pre-date no-nos. But it’s not just the unsightly skin flakes that are likely to scare men off – all that scratching is equally off-putting. The tiny yeast that causes dandruff also tends to irritate the 104 DNA
scalp, causing you to scratch. Unfortunately, scratching doesn’t just make your personal hygiene look a bit suspect. In body language terms it’s an action associated with insecurity, nervousness and even deception – not exactly the qualities you want to promote on a first date. To deal with the problem you need a shampoo such as Neutrogena T/ Gel Therapeutic Shampoo, that contains an ingredient called zinc pyrithione – an antimicrobial agent that tackles the yeast (quite literally) head on.
GET A HAND JOB BEFOREHAND
No, not that kind of jobby – I’m talking manicures. If there’s one thing you really need to pay attention to on a date it’s your nails. I’m not saying buff and polish them to the point where you look like Nicki Minaj; just make sure they’re clipped and clean. Why? Well, if you’re quite happy to flash grubby nails in his face, chances are he’ll worry about the cleanliness of anything else you might want to flash in his face later. For the best results trim the nails straight across, using nail scissors (which reduce the chances of the nails splitting), then round off with an emery board. Try trimming after a bath or shower when they’ll be softer to slice, and do your toe nails at the same time.
DE-SHINE YOUR SKIN
Imagine the scenario: the date is going brilliantly. You both like your Arrabbiata hot, you both hate broccoli and you both think Kylie’s Kiss Me Once was a bit duff. It’s love. Except that, when he gazes adoringly at your face, all he sees is his own reflection thanks to your oil-slick skin. Men’s skin is naturally oilier than women’s and stress and nerves can further trigger oil production. Thankfully, there’s a simple solution. What you need are pre-date mattifying products like Lab Series Oil Control Daily Hydrator or Kiehl’s Oil Eliminator 24 Hour Anti-Shine Moisturiser, both of which are specially formulated to mop up excess oil and leave skin with a matt finish. And when you’ve got a matt finish, you’re more likely to get a happy one.
BANISH BAD BREATH
Next to a crop of cold sores, there are few passion killers quite as potent as a case of halitosis. Alcohol-free mouthwash might solve problems after you clean your teeth but its effects have often worn off by the time you really need them (ie, when you’re heading for some serious tonsil tennis), so what you need is a pocket-sized freshener. Cheap and effective sugar-free gum is perfect for improving breath as it not only dislodges trapped food particles but stimulates saliva – the mouth’s own defence against odourcausing bacteria. Also useful is UltraDex’s Fresh Breath Oral Spray, which has an antibacterial active ingredient so it doesn’t just tackle nasty smells but the cause of them, too. Alternatively, keep a few cardamom pods in your pocket and
suck on one a few minutes before your date to instantly halt halitosis. Longterm, the best defence against bad breath is regular flossing.
REFRESH YOUR HAIR
No time to wash your hair pre-date? No worries – cheat by refreshing it with a dry shampoo like Batiste Dry Shampoo Classic. No longer the preserve of festival-goers and soap-dodgers it’s the perfect pre-date pick-me-up, putting life back into hair and making it manageable (in case any fingers are run through it) and fragrant (in case anyone should nuzzle it). To use, section your hair with your fingers and spray at the roots where hair tends to be greasiest. Then hide can. Ideally, though, you'd schedule time to wash and condition your hair. Clean hair is sexy stuff.
The smell of lavender can increase blood flow to the penis by 40 percent. I’ll say that again: 40 percent. POLISH YOUR JEWELS
In the last five years a plethora of grooming products have popped up aimed at keeping your family jewels sparklingly fresh and clean but, honestly, below the belt grooming isn’t rocket science. Clearly a tidy trunk line is no bad thing (nor is a splash with water) but if you’re heading straight from work to your date why not keep your boys fresh and dry with a dusting of Balla Powder, specially formulated to combat (and there’s no polite way to put this) a sweaty sack. Whatever you do, though, don’t attempt to mask any natural man smells with your eau de toilette. B.O. and Boss Bottled rarely go together. To borrow a phrase from the world of politics – it’s not the crime that’s the sin, it’s the cover-up. More: Award-winning journalist Lee Kynaston is one of the UK’s best known male grooming experts. He writes for numerous newspapers, magazines, websites and blogs at www.groomingguru.co.uk. DNA 105
/ DNA PT
Oh, Those V-Cut Abs! Sometimes called "devils horns" or "the moneymaker", Matt Chapman shows how to get the sexy abdominal V. THE SO-CALLED V-CUT is one of the more
desired fitness goals. It refers to the V shape of the lower abdominal/pubic region that starts from the obliques and runs downward towards the groin. The V-cut is purely aesthetic. It isn’t necessity for general health or physical performance but, let’s face it, people love it. The formation is caused by a number of oblique and abdominal muscles made visible through a low percentage of body fat. Yes, genetics are a factor so some people are able to achieve the look with little effort. For the rest of us, it’s hard work. The only way to see those ripped abs is to remove the fatty tissue surrounding them. I recommend meeting with a trainer or healthcare professional to have your body fat measured. Generally, you’ll need to target a number below 10 percent – which is no small feat. This means that ab training and creating the V is a systemic process in terms of training your entire body along with a strict eating plan. A staple in my weekly training routine is a lower-abs trifecta. It’s my little secret weapon. I have performed this on numerous occasions and, wow, never has a sequence of exercises absolutely demolished my lower abs and produced crazy-fast results quite like this. The lower abs trifecta is a superset of three different lower abs exercises back-to-back. 1. Hanging leg raises. 2. Swiss ball pike / v-up. 3. Single-arm cable rotation.
HOW TO: HANGING LEG RAISES
1. Hang from a pull-up bar with your hands at shoulder-width. 2. Keep your back straight, contract your lower abs and slowly raise your legs until they’re parallel with the floor. Do not swing, rock or use momentum. 3. Pause for half a seconds and release legs. 4. Repeat for 10 to 20 reps. 5. As your abs get stronger, gradually increase the height of your legs from waist height to chest height and to bar height over time. 106 DNA
This is my little secret weapon… Never has a sequence of exercises absolutely demolished my lower abs and produced crazyfast results. 6. If hanging leg raises are too difficulty at first, substitute with hanging knee raises. Repeat the same
HOW TO: SWISS BALL PIKE / V-UP
1. Place your feet and shins firmly on top of a Swiss ball. 2. Fully extend outwards onto your forearms into full push-up position to form a bridge. 3. Without bending your knees or hunching your back, press your toes into the ball, contract your lower abs and powerfully lift your butt into the air. You should form an upside down V at the top. 4. Lower down slowly into push-up position. Repeat for 12 to 20 reps.
HOW TO: SINGLE-ARM CABLE ROTATION
1. Connect a rope handle to a tower. Move cable to highest pulley position. 2. Kneel a few feet away from cable. With one hand, reach up and grab rope. 3. Position knees hip-width apart. Place free
hand on hip to help gauge pivot point. 4. Keep arm in static position. Contract oblique to bring the weight down in a side crunch. 5. Pull down cable until elbow touches your opposite thigh. Once you reach maximum contraction, slowly release the weight to the starting position. The weight stack should never be unloaded in a resting position. The aim is constant tension during the set. Repeat to failure. 6. Then, reposition and repeat the same series of movements on the opposite side.
NUTRITION GUIDE
When it comes to gaining six-pack abs and that sought after V-cut, it takes a little more than gym training. The kitchen’s where it’s at. With so many diets, fads and trends out there, we all get a little confused about what to eat to get lean. This is understandable because not everyone is the same. What works for some, may not work for others. However, by following these simple tips in the kitchen you’ll be well on your way. 1. Portion Control In my opinion, over-eating
PHOTOGRAPHY SIMON LE
GET ISSUE
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/ DNA PT is one of the biggest mistakes people make when sitting down to eat a meal. The easiest way to judge portion control at each meal is to measure your protein and carbohydrate using the palm of your hand. You’re better off eating more greens. 2. Calorie Control If trying to reduce your body fat percentage, you must reduce your daily calorie intake from your maintenance total. I recommend consulting a professional to help work out a healthy deficit. My Fitness Pal is a great app to help count calories and macronutrients. 3. Eat Green If you want to get lean you have to eat green. Aside from all the other health benefits you gain from eating greens they are full of fiber and aid in the digestion of all the protein you’ll be consuming. Eat up! 4. Eat Lean Protein Good sources include lean chicken/turkey breast, lean cuts of red meat, white fish, eggs and egg whites. I eat 3 to 4 servings of red meat per week along with my BSC protein supplement. 5. Eat Low GI Carbohydrates Good sources include quinoa, rolled oats, brown rice, yams/ sweet potatoes, black-eyed beans and chickpeas.
I explain low GI carbs being like a dripping tap: the fuel drips into your blood stream slowly over a longer period of time giving you longer lasting energy rather than a quick spike then a crash. 6. Eat Good Fats Good sources include natural raw almonds/cashews/walnuts, extra virgin coconut oil, avocado, raw almond/cashew butter, Omega 3 fats from salmon and other fish. A lot of people tend to steer clear of fat when trying to lean out. Eating monounsaturated fats helps to keep you feeling fuller for longer and taps into a different energy source. Just be careful with portion control as they are quite high in calories. A little bit goes along way. 7. Drink Water We all know we should be drinking a lot of water. I suggest 3 to 4 litres per day. Something I see too often is people that mistake a feeling of hunger when really they are dehydrated. They reach for food before water. I suggest before eating food, down 1 to 2 big
glasses of water and wait 10 minutes. 8. Cut Back On Dairy I know we all love a bit of dairy but let’s make some sacrifices to lose that last bit of flab down the bottom of your abs. Dairy is quite high in sugar and sugar is the devil. Dairy is not as nutritional as we may believe. A tin of salmon in spring water has far more nutrients than a glass of milk. 9. Be Consistent Make a conscious decision to remain consistent. Make sure you have a goal and a plan. Do one thing at a time. Be in the present moment. 10. DON’T MAKE EXCUSES
HEALTHY LIFESTYLE
You’ve had a big day at work. Go on, sit down, grab that glass of wine and reach for the Thai takeaway menu. It’s Friday. Work’s done for the week, time to head to the bar to de-stress. Saturday morning rolls around and you need a big hangover feed to fix you up before dragging yourself to the gym to chat to friends about the previous night and to make plans for the night ahead.
Over-eating is one of the biggest mistakes people make when sitting down to eat a meal… You’re better off eating more greens. Sunday morning and you’ve slept in before a lazy “rest day”. Life’s about making choices. It can be a big choice like where you decide to live or it can be as little as what you decide to choose off the menu at a café. The choices you make everyday shape you as a person. Even if you think your life is perfect. Make a different choice tomorrow. Go to a different café or do a different kind of workout. Strike up a conversation with a stranger or someone who you’d usually just say hi to. Shake it up! Why not grab a few mates and go for a run on the weekend or go rock climbing. Join a social sporting team with some friends or try something different like Pilates or yoga or head to the beach or pool for a swim. Get out there and start mixing it up. #lifesshortliveit
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About Matt MATT CHAPMAN, 28, is a Sydney-based fitness
professional who trains daily and loves to cook. But Matt’s passion for food was once an obsession that led him to become an obese teenager who lacked confidence and who was teased at school. “As a teenager, I felt very different to everyone because I was so overweight,” he says. “I didn’t like what I saw in photographs. One day, when I was 15, I was sitting down and I grabbed my stomach with two hands. I knew I had to change. That afternoon I put on my runners, ran 500 meters and then walked home. Everyday I set myself a challenge to run a little further, then a little further, until I could run for five kilometers without stopping. I used to run at night because I could go anywhere and no one could see me.” Matt also taught myself how to eat properly and the importance of nutrition to positively fuel the body. “I started reading books about nutrition. I wrote down everything I ate, studied it and developed my own point scoring for the food I was eating,” he says. “My disciplined exercise program and my self-developed point scoring food system worked. I lost 18 kilograms in 12 months and since then cooking, nutrition and fitness have become central to my life.” Matt became motivated to teach others the lessons he’d taught himself. He sharpened his skills with certificates in fitness and specialist fitness courses. Today he’s an in-demand personal trainer and health consultant who has graced the cover of DNA and international fitness magazines, and even found himself on The Ellen Show in LA as Ellen’s Mr Sydney underwear model. For his global followers, and locals waiting to access a personal training session, Matt has developed an online training program called 8 Week Body By Matt. His holistic approach to training is part of taking people on a positive, life-changing journey. And there are many success stories, like the retired guy who’d never stepped foot in a gym and lost 16 kilos training with Matt, or the guy who’d never seen his abs and has now sustained a washboard core, increased his strength and totally changed his diet. “I want to help as many other people as I can transform their lives through fitness and nutrition, to coach people to lead happier and healthier lives. Everyone is different and I do anything I can to try to help a client reach their goal,” he says.
One day, when I was 15, I was sitting down and I grabbed my stomach with two hands. I knew I had to change.
More: Go to mattchapman.me DNA 109
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MAN
ART BY ALLAIN DE LEON WORDS BY ARTHUR WOOTEN
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Outlaws Of
Attraction But Doctor, if he walked a straight line, I wouldn’t have to wrestle with my fantasy… Patient: Doctor, I have a problem. Doctor: If I had a dollar for every time a patient cried – (sighs) – before you begin, may I say, you are quite stunning. Patient: Thank you. I’m a model. In fact, I’m just back from shoots in London, Rome and Paris. Doctor: Lucky you. (Looking him up and down.) Are you Middle Eastern? Patient: I’m part Japanese, part Saudi Arabian. Doctor: How exotic. Now, off with your story. Patient: I’m only attracted to straight men. Doctor: (Snickering.) How’s that working out for you? Patient: Quite good. Doctor: (Perks up.) Really? Tell me more. Patient: I always knew I was gay but didn’t act upon it until late in life. Doctor: Late? How old are you? Patient: 25. Doctor: Why I’m probably old enough to be your grand… uh, your big brother. Carry on. Patient: What I mean is, I didn’t have sex until I was in university. Against my modelling agent’s wishes, I played football. I was a fullback. Doctor: (Winking.) I’m sure you were. Patient: (Does a double-take.) Anyway, I’ve always had tight hamstrings that cramp up so after every game I’d have a massage with the team’s masseur. He was a former professional footballer and still in awesome shape. He was, and still is, happily married with kids but every time I’d lie down on his table, he’d practically mount me as he did deep tissue sports massage. He’d slather me up with hot oil and go to town but I never had a simple happy ending. Doctor: How thoroughly disappointing. Patient: Not at all. In the course of a session, he’d give me three, sometimes four, I guess you’d call them, happy in-betweens. And then the ending would be mind-blowingly explosive for both of us. Afterward I’d get up off the table, we’d shake hands and I’d leave as if nothing had happened. I actually asked other players if he had come on to them, but they all said no. Doctor: What are you doing here? You should just keep having massages. All that sex is extremely therapeutic.
Patient: Aw, sex is easy. There’s just something about me that straight men are attracted to. Doctor: What you need is hydrotherapy. Patient: What? Doctor: Strip down and step into my office, er, my hot tub. With all these problems I can see your shoulders are hiking up. Patient: Really? Doctor: The 52 stainless steel jets pulsating piping hot water will melt away your troubles as will some Valium, Klonopin, ecstasy, cannabis – or maybe all four! Patient: No thanks, I don’t do recreational drugs. Doctor: Who’s talking recreational? I’m your doctor and I’m prescribing them for you. Patient: No, I want to deal with my problems with a clear head. Doctor: What problems? Patient: When I was at school I had a roommate. The moment I met him I fell head over heels in love but could tell he was super macho, very straight. I thought the best thing to do, living in such tight quarters, was to tell him upfront that I was gay. Doctor: And? Patient: He was so cool about it. He even said his little brother was gay. When he came out he said he was so proud of him. Doctor: And? Patient: Both my roomie and I were from outof-town and had no friends at school so we did everything together. We went to movies, out to dinner and although he wasn’t a footballer, he did join the wrestling team. Doctor: (Drooling.) As in singlet? Patient: You bet. I had never wrestled before so he would practice moves on me. He’d insist on wearing his singlet and since I didn’t have one, he’d let me borrow one of his. Doctor: Did you both sport dilhouettes? Patient: What? Doctor: Dilhouettes? The silhouette of your dicks showing through your singlets. Patient: Why, yes, we did. We’d get down on the floor and before I knew it he had me tied up like a pretzel. Instantly we’d break out into a sweat, his body grinding into mine. My favorite
combinations were the high crotch and the stuff-the-head followed by a half nelson with a wristlock and leg cradle. He’d pin me every time and I’d scamper away quickly so he wouldn’t see my reaction. Doctor: (Ears perking up.) Reaction? Patient: I’d hide it and run down the hall to the communal showers and stand in the far corner under the cold water waiting for it to kill the arousal. Doctor: (Sweating.) Did you say arousal? Patient: For that entire first year we were inseparable. He talked about some girls on campus he found attractive but I don’t’ think he messed around with any. The day we said goodbye to each other before summer break, he grabbed my head between his two massive hands and said, “I love you, bud.” Then he brought his full lips close to mine but kissed me on my neck. Not a peck, a real freakin’ sexy neck kiss. Doctor: (Wiping his brow.) And the following year? Roommates again? Patient: No, I never saw him again – until last week. In Paris of all places! Doctor: Now that’s romantic. Patient: Tell me about it. We collided in a tiny patisserie in the Marais district. He recognised me first. And without saying a word, he planted his lips, those two sexy pillows of masculinity onto mine and literally swept me off me feet. He took me to his flat and made love to me over and over again. I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming or if it was actually happening. What brought me back to reality is what he said next. Doctor: (Dabbing his face with a handkerchief.) Is it hot in here? Patient: No, he said, “Man, I love you. I’ve always loved you. I haven’t stopped thinking about you since the day we said goodbye.” He added that running into me in Paris was fate, serendipity, synchronicity. He said he’d been living a straight life but upon seeing me again, he realised he was gay. Doctor: We should all have your problem. Patient: No, that is the problem. What is the first thing I said to you? Doctor: That you find me oddly attractive and feel that having sex with me would help to put your troubled life into perspective? Patient: No, I said I’m only attracted to straight men. Doctor: And the straight man of your dreams is now in love with you. Patient: But he said he’s gay. Doctor: Don’t get hung up on labels. Sexuality is fluid. Patient: No. (Crying.) The whole thing is ruined. Doctor: (Under his breath.) Dude, you need to see a real shrink. More: Find the writer at arthurwooten.com, on Facebook or Twitter @Arthurwooten. Find the artist at http://urbanmusiq.deviantart.com or search for 85th Street on Facebook.
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/ THE BACK PASSAGE
NOT IN A FROCK! anything else, it’s the music, but the show also draws you in emotionally. It takes you on such an enormous journey. I got to see it on Broadway a few weeks before rehearsal and there were tears! Of all the productions you’ve done, has there been one favourite? Everything has been special in its own way. One of the best moments in my life was doing Diamonds Are For Trevor at the State Theatre in Sydney. I had seen Shirley Bassey there, and to be on the same stage Mardi Gras Eve in a sold-out concert with 2,000 people… it was the first
time I’d done something on that scale and it was very special. Most theatregoers would say that Hairspray’s Edna Turnblad was an exceptional role. Would you agree? I loved it! They didn’t want her to be a sort of man-in-a-dress parody. They wanted a real woman with heart, even though it was being played by a man. Because my whole career had been playing women, it felt very easy for me. I felt very natural doing it, because I didn’t take the piss out of her and didn’t make fun of the fact I was in drag. Is there one particular future role you have your heart set on? There are actually two. I’d love to play Albin in La Cage aux Folles and a big dream of mine is to play Mrs Lovett in Sweeny Todd, which is really odd, but I want to do it. And I’d also love to do the MC in Cabaret, but I don’t think I’m physically right for it. I’d have to go on a great big diet regime to get to the right state! I’ve even thought it would be great to do Cabaret as Liza doing Sally Bowles! It would be a lot of fun, but maybe just for a one-off gala or something like that.
“I was in New York earlier this year and met Liza Minnelli’s publicist. He said, ‘I know who you are. I don’t like you and I don’t like what you do’.”
Trevor in the current Australian production of Les Mis. He’s not the one in the frock. Shock!
›› Keeping up with outrageous Trevor Ashley – or trying to! Interview by Matthew Myers. DNA: You’re referred to as the busiest man in Australian showbiz and Mardi Gras royalty. How does that sit with you? Trevor Ashley: I like it! I’m very lucky that I’ve worked for so long and it’s incredible what I’ve managed to do in my career. I’ve loved my association with Mardi Gras over the years, and it’s one audience that has always been there for me. Do you have a new show up your sleeve? There’s a King Kong slash Lion King slash Jurassic Park panto that I have the whole concept for. It’s all in the works. You did a tribute to Shirley Bassey with Diamonds Are For Trevor. What is it about her? Bassey is one of the first people I saw live in concert at the Sydney State Theatre, and it was extraordinary. Her recorded voice is amazing, but seeing her live just blows it all out of the water. She’s always been one of my idols, so to hear her live was one of the highlights of my life! I’ve heard she knows about the show but I don’t know what she thinks. Better to not know? It’s like when I was in New York earlier this year and met Liza Minnelli’s publicist. He said, “I know who you are. I don’t like you and I don’t like what you do.” I’m not sure how I’d cope if one of the people I impersonate met me… I think I’d rather not know. But you know people will impersonate me – to me! They’ll do my voice and I’ll say, “That’s not what I sound like!” If you had the chance to perform a Bond theme, which one would it be? A toss up between Diamonds Are Forever and Skyfall. I’d also love to do Conchita Wurst’s Rise Like A Phoenix from this year’s Eurovision. I thought it sounded like the perfect Bond theme. You landed the role of Master Of The House in the new Australian production of Les Misérables. Was that a pinch yourself moment? I saw Les Mis as a child and was in love with it. I definitely wanted to be part of it one day. Sir Cameron Mackintosh came to see me in Little Orphan TrAshley and the next thing I’m being rung to say come and audition for the role of Thénardier. So I went through the process and was told I got it by Sir Cameron himself – in my dressing room on the London West End, while I was doing Liza On An E! Being handpicked by him, yes, a pinch yourself moment. What do you think makes Les Misérables so enduringly popular? More than 112 DNA
What about a more dramatic role, say guest starring on a TV drama? Anything like that would be great. I’ve got a couple of TV projects that I’m working on, but I’d like to do some more acting. Doing Les Mis will hopefully make people realise that I can actually act – and play a man! The big question is, who is Trevor Ashley’s diva? I have so many… it’s so hard to pick, but it’d probably be Bette, Liza and Shirley, but I’d also add in Rhonda Burchmore, because I absolutely adore her. We’re good mates and getting to work with her was fabulous! What has been your most embarrassing wardrobe malfunction? The worst ever was in Priscilla when I was one of the cupcakes in the MacArthur Park fantasy. So I’m a giant cupcake and I tripped over the patty that was hanging around like a skirt, and landed face down in front of the orchestra pit! And I couldn’t get up! More: Les Misérables is playing at Her Majesty’s Theatre in Melbourne.
r u o Y t e G n a M A DN NOW!
MAN BY ALLAIN DE LEON
DNAMAGAZINE.COM.AU/DNAMANPRINTS
Men. In. Uniform. Admit it, as soon as you read those words dozens of images, like a collection of soft porn flashcards, flickered across your mind. You saw epaulettes, cargo pockets, tight buns and aviator sunnies. And you felt a stirring in your loins. That’s what men in uniform can do to us. And not even the actual men, but just the mere thought. And that’s what the October issue of DNA has traditionally been all about. Page after page of handsome well-built models, in various stages of disrobing from a vast array of uniforms that are all just a little bit tight, and artfully covering the nether regions in such a way that still reveals those impressive bulges. Not this year though. Apparently, the word from the DNA powersthat-be is we’re over that theme. Um. Really? Yup. That’s what I heard. We’re over it. Since when? I hear you ask, echoing my own thoughts exactly. Are gay men ever really gonna be ‘over’ men in uniform? From Lord Kitchener to the Village People, men in uniform have always held a seductive power for men into men. But why? What’s it really all about? Of course, it’s obvious to some extent. A fireman. A policeman. A soldier. Vocations that, when carried out effectively, require extreme doses of masculinity. They’re about protection. And serving. And when required, rescuing. Because, be honest, there is secret appeal in being the damsel in distress and relying on a dashing, uniformed, stranger to swoop in and save the day. And ideally fall a little bit in lust with our vulnerability at the same time. Now, truth be told, helpless vulnerability is not all that attractive a trait in a man. But if it brings on some rough but chivalrous help, then it’s worth turning on. It may, in fact, come quite naturally. Particularly if you’re a big bottom. Or, so I’ve heard. My straight female friends have suggested that any man who holds down the sort of job that requires them to wear a uniform also demonstrates an ability to commit to a program, and to follow through with promises. Commitment may not be all that important to 114 DNA
us homos, but the staying power implicit in the above associations is appealing to all of us. Then there’s the uniform that demonstrates sporting prowess. Also a sign of staying power as well as plugging into some very primal urges. As does the revealing nature of such uniforms. Lean. Strong. Perfectly proportioned. Well hung. Everything a good hunter-gatherer-providercave-man oughtta be. For despite all modern protestations re equal power in a relationship, the thought of being dragged home by some Neanderthal is still a fantasy for many.
Secretly hoping my charms will inspire him to forget his next customer, as well as his Lebanese family in Belmore, and suggest we head into the bedroom for a bit of hard yakka. Then there’s the uniforms of those who can, you know, like, do stuff. Mechanics. Plumbers. Electricians. Even your run of the mill handyman. Men who can fix things just don’t realise how sexy that makes them. Especially when they come sporting some perfectly worn King Gees. Pouching in all the right places. You know the look. Maybe it’s not at the top of your sexy_men_in_ uniform list. But, fuck, I think it’s hot. Complete with the cotton poly blend polo shirt with a logo and first name on the left pectoral. Hubba hubba. I personally am a big fan of Hire A Hubby. I get them round to change light bulbs, for fuck’s sake. Secretly hoping that my nonchalant charms will somehow inspire them to take leave of their senses, forget their next customer, as well as their Lebanese family in Belmore, and suggest that they take me into the bedroom for
a bit of “hard yakka”. Admit it, surely most of you have had similar fantasies. Of course, when you allow what is essentially a costume to be the beginning and end of somebody’s attractiveness you are imbuing them with a whole lot of attributes that they may, in fact, not have. And thereby fetishising them. Is there such a word? You know what I mean. Totally objectifying them. Which, I’ll admit, I am totally up for. And let’s face it, when you objectify another human being you only have to deal with what you have decided them to be, and not what they really are. Knowing, of course, that so few measure up to the standards set by a Tom Of Finland drawing or a Herb Ritts photograph. That fantasy is going to come crashing down anyway, so why not run with it as long as you can? We do it all the time anyway. With all kinds of uniforms, official or otherwise. That bespectacled man is intelligent. And therefore sensitive. That suited man is successful. And therefore willing to share his riches. That tattooed bad boy is up for anything. And therefore good in bed. And yep, I’ve hit the nail on the head right there. Nailed it. (See what I did there?) All the fantasising, the fetishising and the objectifying. That’s what it’s all about. Being good in bed. Because if he’s good in bed he’s good at everything else. Or if he’s not good at everything else it doesn’t matter, because being good in bed is the most important thing. And despite everybody’s efforts, finding a man who’s consistently good in bed would seem to be the most challenging of quests. Notwithstanding the epaulettes, the spectacles, the bulge, and something we haven’t yet talked bout – the dance moves – true sexual prowess does, in fact, constitute a rare find. What is it they say? A good man is hard to find, and a hard man is good to find. Ideally we’d like that man who’s good and hard to be up for it on a regular basis. And for me the uniform he wears is not as important as the type he fits, as long as he doesn’t misread mine. So on that note, I’m off to find a well-hung Latino top with a degree and a Mercedes. And a penchant for short and hirsute. As long as he doesn’t expect me to be butch with that I should be OK. And yeah, he’d better have a sense of humour.
URBAN HOMO IS A WORK OF FICTION. ANY RESEMBLANCE TO ACTUAL PEOPLE OR EVENTS IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL. DNA DOES NOT ENDORSE DRUG USE.
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Famous Last Words: “If any of you have a message for the Devil, give it to me quick – I'm about to meet him.” Murderess Lavinia Fisher on the gallows, 1820.
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