Discover Nlp eBook

Take that Step

©

with Gerry Murray

Discover NLP with Gerry Murray & Bryce Redford

If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got … and there’s always more!

A New Start

I have wiped the slate clean, No more reminders from the past. Memories of what I have been, Have vanished at long last. I look forward to my future new, Where all is territory strange. Soon I will be among the few, That plans their life at long range. I see my life laid out at my feet, New friends shall rally at my call. They will be the first I will greet, At this my welcoming ball. Soon all memories will depart, Of a past left well behind. I will get off to a new start, With the best of mankind.

George Bernard Shaw

Outline of Booklet This booklet is designed to support and complement a short Discover NLP seminar. It is by no means exhaustive or a substitute for proper NLP training and further study. Our aim is to answer four very basic questions: •

Why do people choose to learn NLP?

•

What is NLP – an overview? overview?

•

How can you learn NLP?

•

What can you do next?

Forewarning NLP is a powerful technology and therefore it must be used responsibly and ecologically. Ecology is an important concept in NLP. In essence it’s the study of consequences. To be truly ecological, whatever you do should not only be good for you but for others around you and indeed the planet in general. An ecology check is often the most important step that is missing in traditional goal setting. No wonder so many people achieve their goals and are still unhappy. Remember King Midas. He wanted everything he touched to turn to gold. If he’d put his goal through an ecology check he would have realized some of the consequences of that decision. Our experience of NLP and those practicing it has been largely ecological. Just like an axe can be used to either to chop wood or to harm someone, some people use NLP in a way that is not ecological – but, the good news is you can see them coming! Our guiding principle is that NLP is something you do with others and not to them. This is an important distinction. We wish you great enjoyment and success on your own NLP journey!

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Gerry Murray & Bryce Redford

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Neuro Linguistic Programming defined It’s rather an unfortunate name for something so popular and powerful! And, there are many stories in the NLP folklore about how the name came about. NLP was created by Richard Bandler & John Grinder at the University of Palo Alto in California in the early 70s. It gained recognition through the publication of their first book, The Structure of Magic, Volume I in 1975. One helpful way to explore a definition is to separate out its three core elements: Neuro

This refers to our neurology and more specifically to our five senses (sight, hearing, touch, smell, taste) through which we take in information from the environment around us

Linguistic

Our language, verbal and non-verbal, and how we code, organize and give meaning to our experiences

Programming The strategies and approaches we use to achieve consistent results or outcomes

In other words, NLP is how to use the minds own language to consistently achieve our specific and desired outcomes. NLP has often been described as the study of subjective experience. Richard Bandler defines it as being an attitude and methodology that leaves behind a trail of techniques. Attitude

Through extreme curiosity, wanton experimentation and acting ‘As If’

Methodology Modeling what someone with exceptional talent does and teaching it to others for accelerated learning Techniques

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A host of tried and tested tools that enable practitioners and clients alike to achieve their outcomes, resolve problems and create generative change for individuals and organizations


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The Strategies of Success Although extracting a model of excellence is mostly done with specific skills in specific contexts, it is relatively easy to translate that model across contexts. Since Bandler & Grinder’s early modeling some powerful patterns have emerged such as the five strategies of successful people. 1. Know your outcome 2. Take MASSIVE action 3. Have exceptional sensory acuity 4. Have behavioral flexibility 5. Operate from a physiology and psychology of excellence NLP provides a synthesis of knowledge and aspects of it are to be found in popular self-help programs such as the Law of Attraction and most, if not all, motivational speakers and several prominent world leaders have been trained in NLP.

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Why do you want to learn NLP? The answer to this question is quite personal. However, when you have the answer you will be better prepared to select the right NLP training for you. Historically, there are four main reasons why you would want to learn NLP: 1. Personal Development 2. Add skills to your therapeutic/coaching career 3. Add skills to your training/teaching/presenting career 4. Develop more effective communication, influencing and negotiation skills for business In practice, most people train in NLP for more than one of these reasons. When you have identified your own reasons then you’ll know what level of NLP training you want to do. Now, write down your own personal reasons for wanting to learn NLP:

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Personal Development In learning NLP you go through a process of self-exploration. Before being able to influence or help others you first of all need to know who you are and how you get results in your own life. Then you need to be able to apply all your learning to produce consistently good results for yourself. To acquire the NLP tools and methodologies you first of all need to experience them. So, it is difficult to avoid learning more about yourself along the way. Therapy/Coaching NLP focuses mainly on how we structure our world. We are not so much concerned about the content of someone else’s problems as to how they are creating and maintaining those problems in their life. The NLP mindset and toolbox enables you as a coach or therapist to identify patterns in your client’s behavior and to design interventions that empower your clients to break through and break free from whatever is holding them back. So, whether this is dealing with stuff from the past or creating more of what your client wants in the future, NLP can get outstanding results. It also has the potential to help prevent the onset of chronic illnesses and support the body heal itself. Training/Teaching/Presenting As a trainer, teacher or presenter you are solely responsible for the results you get when standing in front of a group of people. Many trainers often attempt to blame the group for their own inability to communicate effectively. Amongst other things, NLP gives you the skills to present on many learning levels to any group of people, to create and maintain rapport, to manage your own state and cope with anything unexpected, to ensure that your participants are in a good state and that energy levels are high. Business Most problems in organizations can be traced back to poor communication. So, many people feel constantly stressed, overwhelmed, lacking in energy, annoyed by colleagues, and the list !


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goes on. People live in states of fear, anxiety and worry. Some even find that their confidence disappears. None of these conditions are good for you, your colleagues or your health. NLP outdoes virtually all other approaches when an organization is going through change. There are NLP tools to assist you with such common organization challenges such as: •

Leadership development

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Employee engagement

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Change management

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Organizational design

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Team development

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Motivation

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Negotiation (sales & purchasing)

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Strategic planning

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Selection & interviewing

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Appraisals

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Creativity & innovation

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Sales

There’s probably no sales training course that is more effective than an NLP Practitioner Training. We’ve heard amazing stories of selfemployed people, sales people and entrepreneurs skyrocketing their careers after they attend an NLP training.

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What is NLP? We already defined NLP in the introduction and now you’re probably wondering what NLP is specifically. In this section, we will present some core NLP concepts and describe what you can expect to learn up to Practitioner and Master Practitioner level.

NLP Presuppositions We will start with the NLP Presuppositions. These are a series of empowering beliefs that when we act ‘As If’ they are true generate consistent results in everything we do. The list varies according to where you source them and you’ll find that the most common ones are: 1.

You cannot not communicate

2.

People respond to their experience not to reality itself

3.

Having a choice is better than not having a choice

4.

People make the best choice they can at the time

5.

People work perfectly

6.

All actions have a purpose

7.

Everyone has a unique model of the world.

8.

Respect other peoples’ models of the world.

9.

The map is not the territory.

10. People are not their behavior. 11. All meaning is context dependent 12. All behavior has a positive intention. 13. The most important information about a person is how that person is behaving. 14. Everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have available. 15. There are no unresourceful people, only unresourceful states. 16. Everyone has all the resources they need to succeed and to achieve their desired outcomes. 17. The person with the most flexibility of behavior has the greatest influence on others. !


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18. There is no failure, only feedback. 19. Everyone is in charge of their mind, and therefore their results. 20. The meaning of communication is the response you get. 21. Resistance in a client or audience is a sign of a lack of rapport.

In two minds There are two primary ways in which we make sense of the world: consciously and unconsciously. Your conscious mind is the mind that is actively thinking for you all day long. It often manifests itself as that inner voice that talks to you, the one you think of as “me”. Whilst the conscious mind certainly has its uses it is limited in what it can achieve on its own. Research has shown that it can only focus on 7 +/- 2 things at one time. Therefore, it needs support. Your unconscious mind provides that support. It is your larger mind and can process millions of messages of sensory information per second. It contains all of your wisdom, memories and intelligence. It is the source of your creativity. It stores all the “programs” of automatic behavior you use to live your life. In short, it looks after you and keeps you safe. The unconscious mind is like having an autopilot function in the brain. It enables you to carry out multiple functions without having to concentrate on all of them at once. These programs are useful because they free your conscious mind up to concentrate on other things. Sometimes, like on your computer, you need to change, override, rewrite, upgrade or completely delete these programs. Who truly wants an operating system that’s out of date?

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The NLP Communication Model Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is about noticing patterns. So, in NLP, we are not so much interested in content as in process, structure, form. Often this is an interesting transition for us to make. The first step is to pay attention to the process of your interaction with others - listen to the form, watch the form, feel the form, and not get involved in the content. NLP Communication Model

Take that Step

©

with Gerry Murray

Our thinking:

Visual Auditory Kinesthetic Olfactory Gustatory Internal Dialogue

Filters Internal Representation

Delete Distort Generalise

Sensory inputs: External Event

Time/Space

Visual Auditory Kinesthetic Olfactory Gustatory

Matter/Energy Language

State

Feedback Memories Decisions Meta Programs Values & Beliefs

Physiology

Attitudes

Results

Behaviour

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This Communication Model enables us to understand how we make sense of the world around us, how we communicate, learn, behave and change. It’s only a model and as with all models it is more or less useful in different contexts. The belief is that "The map is not the territory." And so the internal representations that we make about an outside event are not necessarily the event itself. As a human being and someone able of conscious (and unconscious) thought you may currently believe that the world that you perceive is real. And it is. To you. The world you perceive is real only to you because the world you perceive is different from the world, which others perceive. Many things including what you believe; your experiences; your memories and many other mental ‘filters’ affect your perception. These influence and colour the representation of the world inside your mind that you then act !


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upon. Information about external events comes in through our sensory input channels and it is filtered to what is important to us. Although there are many specific filters there are three major unconscious filters, which are absolutely necessary to understand and cope with the world around us. Deletion We delete a lot of information at any one time. Right now, become aware of your left big toe. Now, where was it until I mentioned it? That’s deletion. We miss things all the time overlook the obvious and tune out. You will have deleted much of the information that has been provided to you already today. For example – - What color is the car parked next to yours in the car park? - How much money do you have in your pockets? - What was the very first thing someone said to you this morning? Distortion We bend reality to fit - we read between the lines and hear what we think we hear, or make it the way we want it. Daydreaming is distortion, seeing faces in clouds. That’s distortion at work. Twisting our perception to make the outside world agree with our internal opinion. Generalization We group things together and say, “This is like that”. Cushions, stools and sofas are all places to sit, so if you came into my house and I said “Please sit down” you’d know what to do. You compare new data to what you already know, which is the basis of all learning. Every morning when you swing your legs out of bed they always go down to the floor. They never go up. You’ve learned that now. So, what’s left after we delete, distort and generalize?

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Internal Representation Our Internal Representation is made up of pictures, sounds, feelings, smells, tastes and our self-talk – these are the six modalities, which form our version of reality. One of the most important discoveries in NLP was that of Sub-Modalities. These are the finer distinctions that we make within our modalities and are the bits that code and give meaning to our experiences. So, it was discovered that the intensity of meaning that someone gave to an experience was directly related to the sub-modalities they used within their representational system. For example, to know that someone visualizes is not enough. We need to know how they visualize. Is the image they make black and white or color, is it moving or still, is it big or small, framed or panoramic, near or far, focused or blurred, etc… The same goes for sounds and feelings. Often, one of these sub-modalities is critical to the meaning the person is giving an experience or memory. By identifying this sub-modality driver it is possible for someone to reframe and change their experience of an event. If you listen really carefully to the specifics of the language that someone is using they often reveal the sub-modalities of how they store their experiences, problems etc. When someone talks about “needing to get things in perspective” or “wanting some distance” from a problem they are telling you through their sub-modalities what is really influencing them. Whether working with colleagues, direct reports or coaching clients by using this information you can enable them to radically change their experience of an event, solve problems quickly and move on. But before we can do anything with NLP we need to connect. How do we do that?

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Rapport The basis of rapport is that when people are like each other, they like each other. When people are not like each other, they don't like each other. When you like someone, you are willing to assist them achieving what they want. Research has shown that 38% of all communication is tone of voice, and 55% is physiology. So, most communication is outside of our conscious awareness. A tremendous opportunity exists for communication outside of normal channels, and that's what rapport is all about. Sensory acuity One of the delicate secrets of NLP is the development of Sensory Acuity. Richard Bandler & John Grinder both refer to the importance of it from the earliest NLP texts such as ‘Frogs Into Princes’ right through to the modern trainings of today. Perfecting your Sensory Acuity is one of the keys to true mastery in communication. It is essential in getting in rapport with another person. Elements of rapport Too often communication takes place in a system where people unconsciously mismatch modalities. So the first element of rapport is to match the modality the person is using. On the next page are lists of predicates, and predicate phrases. These predicates are sorted into 4 main categories: -

Visual Auditory Kinesthetic (which includes Olfactory and Gustatory) Auditory Digital – our self talk

Look at these now, and notice the words and phrases that people use in each major representational system. In each major representational system, people are using different words, different phrases that actually reveal what's going on inside their heads.

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Visual

Auditory

Kinesthetic

Auditory Digital

see look appear view show dawn reveal envision illuminate twinkle clear foggy focused hazy crystal clear flash imagine picture sparkling snap shot vivid perceive light ray mesmerize watch perspective frame shine dim image vision observe

hear listen sound(s) make music harmonize tune in/out be all ears rings a bell silence be heard resonate deaf mellifluous dissonance overtones unhearing attune outspoken tell announce talk speak resonate state whine babble echo orchestrate whisper snap hum loud dialogue

feel touch grasp get hold of slip through catch on tap into make contact throw out turn around hard unfeeling concrete scrape get a handle on solid suffer unbudging impression touch base rub smooth pushy stumble in touch relaxed loose cool tepid heavy

sense experience understand think learn process decide motivate consider change perceive insensitive distinct conceive know question be conscious logic reasonable statistically


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The second element of rapport is physical mirroring of the individual's physiology. Actually physically copying their posture, facial expressions, hand gestures and movements, and their eye blinking will cause their body to say unconsciously to their mind, "Hey, (s)he's like me!" It's undeniable to the nervous system. The third element is to match their voice: The tone, tempo, timbre (quality of the voice), and the volume. You can also match their key words. Perhaps they often say, "Actually." You can use it in a sentence several times. Say it back to them. The fourth element is to match their breathing. You can actually pace someone's breathing by breathing at exactly the same time as they do (matching the in and out breath). By matching their breathing, by pacing their breathing, you can then begin to lead them out of the representational system they're in, into another one. The fifth element is to match the size of the pieces of information (chunk size or level of abstraction) they deal with. If someone usually deals in the big picture, they will probably be bored with the details. On the other hand someone who is into details will find that there's not enough information to deal with, if you only give them the big picture. So make sure that you are matching the content chunks that the person deals with. The sixth element is to match their common experiences. This is what's usually called rapport. When people first meet, often their early relationship is about matching common experiences, common interests, background, beliefs and values, their ideologies and common associations. These are the critical elements of rapport. On NLP Diploma and Practitioner Training we teach you how to establish and maintain rapport even when you disagree with someone.

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Getting what you want Why are goals and outcomes important?

Alice: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?

The Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to

Alice: I don't much care where.

The Cat: Then it doesn't much matter which way you go.

Alice: …so long as I get somewhere.

The Cat: Oh, you're sure to do that, if only you walk long enough. ~ Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll

Being clear about what you want to achieve is a key aspect of NLP and in order to do this there are some distinctions that we make. Goals vs States People often confuse goals with states. They say things such as “My goal is to be happy.” However, happiness is a state and you can have it now if you really want it. See the short section on states. Focus on what you want Our minds cannot process a negative statement directly because we’re we cannot put our attention on something without it becoming part of our experience. When I give you the instruction: “Don’t think of a pink elephant!” the first thing you do is think of a pink elephant. Another way of putting it is you cannot think about what you don’t want to think about with out thinking about it! This has enormous consequences for what we achieve in life. We always experience what we focus on. When you focus on what you don’t want you tend to get more of it. Strange, isn’t it!?

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Beware of static Positive Affirmations! For many years people have been evoking positive states and changing their values in life. This is a powerful and excellent thing. However, it’s important to explain that stating affirmations, such as ”I am an excellent individual who deserves to be loved”, often fails to address the limiting beliefs, negative emotions and ineffective strategies that may have brought you to the point where you required affirmations in the first place! A better affirmation is: “Every day, in every way, I’m getting better and better” ~ Emile Couet. This is effective because it works with the person’s current experience. A static affirmation risks mismatching a person’s current experience and therefore the results are unpredictable. NLP tools such as Belief Change, Re-imprinting and TimeLine Therapy enable you to clear the underlying issue and achieve goals that ensure positive change lasts forever

Emotional States The combination of our internal representations (thoughts), our physiology and emotions creates our states. Joseph O’Connor (The NLP Workbook) puts it quite nicely: “A state is our way of being in any moment.” States are the most immediate part of our experiences and they vary in intensity, length and familiarity. It goes without saying that the calmer the state the easier it is to think rationally and the more violent or intense the state the more our thinking is disrupted and the more energy we expend and this is supported by studies of how the brain works. Although, we like to think and believe that states are caused by events outside of our control, we actually create them ourselves. NLP provides the tools for us to be able to choose our states and to influence the states of others in a positive way towards greater health, happiness and effectiveness. States affect our ability to produce the results that we want. Take a musician who plays perfectly in rehearsals and “freezes” on stage. This also happens to people who have to present in the world of business. In NLP we say: “There are no unresourceful people, only unresourceful states” !


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State management is critical not just to how we perform but also to how well we learn and how we connect with people. People are attracted to anyone who can make them feel good. Emotions are contagious. So, walk into the office in a bad mood and you will induce bad moods in those around you. Notice the difference when you walk into the office with a big smile on your face. So, we can influence our state both in how we think and through our physiology. Try this experiment. Stand straight upright, looking towards the ceiling, thinking of something funny and with a big smile on your face. Now, try to get stressed out. You can’t do it!

Strategies A tourist stops a farmer in a wee village in the west of Ireland and asks for directions to Dublin. The farmer replies: “If I were you I wouldn’t start from here!” Strategies are those sequences of consistent thoughts and actions that we use to achieve our outcomes. It's what somebody does in their head when they do what they do. Strategies can be either effective or ineffective, depending on the context and starting point. For example, if you reverse a strategy, that is, if you reverse the order and sequence of the strategy, the outcome that you get may be substantially different. If circumstances change a given strategy may no longer be effective. An analogy that seems to work really well in describing strategies is the analogy of baking a cake. In the process of baking a cake, you get all the ingredients together, get a bowl, and you put the ingredients into a bowl in a certain order. It's important to take all the ingredients and put them in a bowl in a certain order. In a recipe, there's a certain order or sequence of when the elements should go into the recipe. And so, if you put the elements of the cake into the bowl in the wrong order, or even in the oven before you put them into the bowl, you'll get a substantially different outcome.

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Language structures our experience We will briefly introduce some of the key linguistic aspects of NLP. This will make you aware of the basic principles and they require quite a bit of practice when you want to master these. The aim is to be able to use your language with volition to get the results you want both for yourself and for others with whom you work or have relationships. We need to be aware that language not only describes but it also creates reality.

Presuppositions Everything we write or say has presuppositions built in. The challenge in NLP is to be able to distinguish between the inherent presupposition in a sentence and what we call a mind read. Mind reading is a form of distortion and this can often get us into trouble when people misinterpret what other people are saying. As an example, what does the following phrase mean:

“He regularly beats his wife.” Does it mean that he physically abuses his wife or does it mean that he often beats her at golf when they play. Notice, how saying that he beats her on the golf course can also generate several interpretations. In NLP we turn mind reading off and this increases our flexibility in how we respond. We can use the Meta Model [see below] to uncover the true meaning of a sentence if it is not clear to us at the outset. The Meta Model This model was the first NLP model and was based on the modeling of therapists Virginia Satir and Fritz Perls. Bandler and Grinder combined this modeling with Grinder’s expertise in Transformational Grammar and published the results in the book The Structure of Magic Volume 1 (1975). As we’ve seen we communicate in words by deleting, distorting and generalizing the deep structure of our experience into a spoken surface structure. The Meta Model is a set of language patterns and questions that reconnect the deletions, distortions and generalizations with the experience that generated them. These language patterns and questions ‘reverse engineer’ the language working on the surface structure to uncover the deep structure behind it. !


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So, essentially the Meta Model uncovers lots of missing information or details and can be applied in any situation where we need to get more specific e.g. in an interview, meeting or a coaching session.

The Milton Model The Milton Model was the 2nd NLP model to be published. Bandler and Grinder modeled the exceptional therapist Milton Erickson, who gave his name to a leading branch of hypnotherapy: Ericksonian Hypnosis. In some ways the Milton model is the mirror image of the Meta Model. Whilst the Meta Model drills down the Milton Model deliberately generates vague surface structures that give the listener the greatest amounts of choice in choosing a deep structure and sensory experience to match the words. In this way, Milton Model patterns pace the listener’s reality and they are vague enough to mean whatever you want them to mean. This means that your listener has the opportunity to access their full unconscious resources, which in turn enables them to solve difficult problems and make changes relatively easily.

In practical situations, Milton patterns are very useful. For example, in getting instant rapport with someone and in negotiations chunking up enables people to find points of agreement. This table shows how the two models complement each other:

Meta Model

Milton Model

Chunks language down, makes it more specific Moves from deep structure to surface structure by challenging deletions, distortions and generalizations Concerned with bringing experience and meaning into consciousness Deals with the results of a transderivational search Deals with precise means

Chunks language up, makes it more general Moves from surface structure to deep structure by generating deletions, distortions and generalizations Concerned with unconscious resources

Accesses conscious understanding

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Provokes a transderivational search Deals with general understandings Accesses unconscious resources

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The Hierarchy of Ideas The Hierarchy of Ideas is a model of the scope of our thinking and ju xtaposes the Meta Model and the Milton Model. It also demonstrates our potential for lateral thinking through the use of Metaphor. Hierarchy of ideas

Take that Step

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with Gerry Murray

In Trance Big chunk Abstract Concept Sameness

Existence

Chunking Up «For what purpose?» «What is your intention?» «What is this an example of?» «What does that do for you?»

Movement

Milton Model

Transportation

Planes

Trains

Lorries

Cars

Classes & Categories

BMW Who, What, Where, When, How? «What specifically?» «What are examples of this…..?» or any Meta Model question.

Chunking Down

Bikes

Boats

Parts

Audi

Engine

A5

Piston

Coupé

Buses

Windows Meta Model Difference Details Concrete Small chunk

Ring

Out Of Trance

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There are several ways of chunking down and inevitably you’ll end up making a choice between chunking down on parts or chunking down on categories. At its extreme it’s the structure of nit picking and mismatching. We use the Meta Model to chunk down. Chunking up moves us in the direction of abstraction and the language becomes highly nominalized. Nominalizations are process words or verbs that have become suspended in time e.g. transportation, communication and leadership. A nominalization is any noun that you cannot put in wheelbarrow because of its abstraction. At its extreme it’s the structure of overwhelm because the chunks are too big. We use the Milton Model to chunk up. When we chunk sideways we are essentially using Metaphor. Being able to use metaphor is a basis of good communication, writing, training, teaching and therapy. In NLP metaphor covers figures of speech, stories, comparisons, similes and parables. Metaphors compare one thing with another in order to illuminate. Paradoxically, by making a comparison they make the original meaning clearer. We need comparison to understand. Metaphors are all around us, particularly in stories. In ancient societies stories are !


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how wisdom, science, law, political and economic ideas were passed on. In organizations they are the windows to an organization’s culture. Open to interpretation Why bother with the Hierarchy of Ideas in the first place? Quite simple. Often when we communicate some of us communicate very specifically and others communicate quite vaguely. This can lead to lots of tension, misunderstanding and conflict, especially at work. We may think we’re communicating when we say something like “we’ve got to improve our communication” and the other person(s) probably thinks that she knows what you’re talking about. However, their interpretation of communication (a vague term) may be entirely different from yours. So, when they improve their communication you may get a shock! No wonder so many people get stressed out because they’re not quite sure what their boss wanted when she said we have a communication problem in this organization and you need to do something about it. Needless to say, some professions such as politics enjoy using vague language for obvious reasons!

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Framing Nothing has meaning in and of itself. Information does not exist on its own. It must be understood in context. The meaning we derive from any experience depends on the context or frame we apply. This is similier to how we frame or crop pictures or zooming in and out of a scene in a movie. So the frame we use sets the focus of our attention and colours and shapes our experience. “There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so” ~ Shakespeare The frame you set governs the questions you ask about what happens, how you feel about it, how you react to it and how you deal with it. A powerful way of setting frames is through questions because they include assumptions about an event. There are seven important frames used in NLP: •

The Ecology frame: looks to the long term and you evaluate how an experience fits into the wider system of family, friends and the universe. The opposite is the ‘me’ frame, which says ‘if it’s ok for me now, then it’s OK’.

•

The Outcome frame: evaluates events by whether they bring you closer to your outcomes and it should be used in conjunction with the Ecology frame. The opposite of this frame is the ‘blame’ frame. ‘What’s wrong and who’s to blame?’

•

The Backtrack frame: restates key points using the other person’s own words, often matching voice tone and body language as well. It ensures rapport. The opposite is the ‘paraphrase’ frame, which says ‘I define what you said and what you meant’.

•

The Contrast frame: evaluates by difference. Not just any difference but the ‘difference that makes the difference.’ The opposite is the ‘sameness’ frame, which says ‘it’s all the same really, it doesn’t matter’.

•

The ‘As If’ frame: evaluates by pretending something is true in order to explore possibilities and is very useful for creative problem solving and accessing your intuition. The opposite is the ‘helpless’ frame, which says ‘if I don’t know, then there’s nothing I can do about it’.

The Systemic frame: evaluates by relationship. You do not focus on a single event but on how it relates to other events as part of a system. Essentially, we’re looking at patterns. The 2 Gerry Murray & Bryce Redford •

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opposite is the ‘laundry list’ frame, which says ‘make a list of every possible relevant factor and then we will understand it’. •

The Negotiation frame: evaluates by agreement. It assumes that everyone would like to come to an accord. The opposite is the ‘war’ frame, which says ‘I want something and I’m going to get it even if it kills us both’.

We also have five frames, adaptations of the above and which we use for problem solving: •

•

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Outcomes rather than Blame / Results versus Reasons

‘How rather than ‘Why’

•

Possibilities rather than Necessities

•

Feedback rather than Failure

•

Curiosity rather than Assumption


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Exploring relationships Two important NLP tools are worth referring to here briefly, the Meta Mirror (also known as Perceptual Positions) and Neurological Levels of Change. Both were developed by Robert Dilts, who was in the original group of students at Palo Alto that assisted Bandler and Grinder with their research. The Meta Mirror The Meta Mirror is a process to explore a relationship with another person. It essentially enables you to explore the relationship from 3-4 different perspectives or perceptual positions: First position is your own reality, your own view of any situation. Personal mastery comes from a strong first position. You need to know yourself and your values to be an effective role model and influence others by example. Second position is making a creative leap of your imagination to understand the world from another’s perspective, to think in the way they think. Second position is the basis of empathy and rapport. It gives us the ability to appreciate other people’s feelings. You can have 2 types of 2 nd position: emotional , which is understanding another person’s feelings and intellectual , which is understanding how another person thinks. Third position is stepping outside your view and the other person’s view to a detached perspective. It is the proverbial ‘fly on the wall’. There you can see the relationships between two viewpoints. Third position is important to check the ecology of your outcomes. It enables you to see the consequences. Fourth position gives you a true Meta view and answers the question: how does this relationship fit into the bigger picture or system. It is very useful when working within organizations.

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Neurological levels of Change for alignment This model is a powerful tool for personal alignment. It is particularly useful in organizational change because it goes above and beyond the relationships between functions and focuses on the relationships between people from these functions. The aim is to have complete alignment of relationships on 6 key levels. Logical level

Description

Purpose/mission

The ultimate reason for being

Identity

Why we are here The sense of self or role

Values & Beliefs

Who we are What is important and true

Capabilities

Why we do things Methods, approaches and strategies

Behavior

How we do what we do Skills and actions

Environment

What we do and say The contexts Where and when of our actions

UTCOMES/RESULTS

Environment acts as a boundary for all other levels. The alignment between the higher logical levels determines behavior. Purpose, identity, values and beliefs, and capability have no physical form other than in thought and energy. One cannot see a belief, only the behavior that results from holding that belief. As a rule, at whichever level you make a change, levels below will also change, but levels above may, or may not, change. So, the higher the level of change, the more change you get.

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How do I become an NLP Practitioner? Some of you may be wondering about this already. Shopping for NLP training programs is like shopping for clothes: there are many styles, fabrics, sizes, etc to choose from and it’s important that you pick the right one for you. There are essentially two main styles of learning NLP, each with their pros & cons

1.

Spread out over a long period of time, typically 21 days over 6-7 weekends. This normally takes around 6 months and will certainly ensure that you learn the information at a pace where you are certain to understand it. Some drawbacks are that: people often drop out because it takes too long; you may not get to attend every course and therefore you have gaps in your knowledge; you spend a major portion of every training backtracking what was taught in previous modules. Your unconscious mind prefers to learn quickly. A useful analogy is how cartoon movies used to be made, one still at a time. By putting all the stills together quickly the moving flowed and you understood it. If each frame were separated out a day at a time you would find it difficult to both understand and retain the information in a meaningful way.

2.

The second style of learning NLP is to go for an accelerated learning program or an ‘immersion’ approach. So, you take out anything from 7 to 12 days and immerse yourself in the knowledge. The advantage is that you tend to learn the information more effectively but a drawback is that you may not have the depth of comprehension of the slower courses.

3.

A third way is to combine 1 & 2 above. You first complete a Home Study version of the training and then you immerse yourself for 7-10 days over a short period of time. Add in an open-book exam and you are sure to have both the fast learning and the comprehension to go with it. You also have the benefit of the Home Study program to refer to afterwards. A good NLP school will also provide coaching support.

For those living abroad who want to learn NLP through English there are the additional time and cost factors associated with traveling to the UK, the USA or another English speaking country.

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What can you expect at an NLP training? Research into ultradian rhythms has discovered that we need a break every 90 minutes. So, a good NLP training course will break the topics taught into 90-minute segments. To ensure that all learning styles are taken into account the training should normally be structured using a system such as the 4-Mat system. This ensures that in each segment the following is covered: • • •

•

Why you are learning this topic What is the theory underpinning the topic How do you actually practice the topic – this is done through exercises What if I apply this topic – a generous Question & Answer session to explore what has been learned during the exercises

Although exercises are sometimes done in twos and in larger groups of 5 plus, the most familiar exercise format is working in groups of 3 (person A, B, C): • • •

Person A is the Practitioner practicing the skill Person B is the ‘client’ of the Practitioner Person C is the observer or coach for person A

The roles rotate and this ensures that all participants get 3 different experiences and perspectives on the exercise. Should a group not get the expected result then an exercise is reloaded during a break and they get a chance to do it again. To be awarded a Practitioner certificate you must demonstrate that you can use the tools of NLP. A reputable NLP training will also have coaching assistants to help you with the exercises. The normal ratio for this is 1 assistant for every 6 participants.

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What if you learn NLP? NLP studies how people do what they do and once you know that you can: • • • • • •

Stop it Make it quicker Learn it Install it Change it Remove it

...depending on your outcome Here are some contexts where we need to have clear outcomes and where NLP can assist us in getting the results we want.

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NLP In Sales 1.

Build Rapport: Match & Mirror - Physiology. Match - Voice Tonality. Match - Predicates along with Keywords and Phrases.

• • •

2.

Ask Questions: • • • • • • • •

3.

Well Formed Outcome Questions. Chunking Up and Down. Meta Model. Elicit Decision Making Strategy. Elicit Convincer Strategy. Elicit Reassurance Strategy. Elicit Values & Meta Programs. Anchor States of Decisiveness, Need, Want and Reassurance.

Confirm need and value (Pre-close): "Just suppose you can have (need/want/outcome) what would that be worth to you?" (Fire Anchors)

4.

Connect your product/service to their need/want/outcome: • • • •

5.

Utilize Decision Making Strategy closing on last step: • • • •

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Utilize Preferred Representational System. Utilize Values & Meta Programs. Satisfy Convincer Strategy. Fire Anchors.

No: Reframe objection, cycle back to step 3. Yes: Take the order and payment. Utilize Reassurance Strategy Fire Reassurance Anchor.


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NLP In Management

1.

Rapport.

2.

Preferred Representational System.

3.

Strategies:

Motivation. Decision.

4.

Chunking Up and Down.

5.

Reframing.

6.

Values & Meta Programs.

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NLP In Presentations & Training 1.

Build Rapport.

2.

Use all the Representational Systems.

3.

Elicit useful States and Anchor them.

4.

Use Metaphors.

5.

Use Milton Model to Induce Trance and create Positive Internal Representations.

6.

Use Meta Model along with Chunking Up and Down in question and answer sessions.

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NLP In Therapy 1.

Build Rapport: • • •

2.

Gather information: • • • • • • • • •

3.

• • • •

• •

"Can you do it now?" Test past memories. Fill Convincer.

Future Pace: • •

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Anchoring. Sub modalities. Parts. Time Line Therapy". Hypnosis.

Test: •

5.

"Can you do it now?" "When do you do it?" "When don't you do it? "How do you do it?" "How do you know it’s a problem?" Chunking Up and Down. Meta Model Reframing. Well Formed Outcome Questions.

Intervention: •

4.

Match & Mirror - Physiology. Match - Voice Tonality. Match - Predicates along with Keywords & Phrases.

Test future memories. Satisfy Reassurance Strategy.


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NLP In Relationships Together: a)

Elicit - Negative Anchors.

b)

Elicit - Strategies: • • • •

c)

Attraction. Recognizing Attraction. Deep Love. Convincer.

Elicit Relationship Values.

Separately: a)Collapse Negative Anchors. b)Sub modalities. c)Parts. d)Time Line Therapy®. e)Reframing.

Together: Teach the couple to: a)Utilize each other's Strategies. b)Satisfy each other's Values. c)Create Positive Anchors and avoid creating Negative Anchors.

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Recommended Reading There are over 500 books written on NLP. Here are just three that we find particularly useful for people starting off.

The NLP Workbook, Joseph O’Connor Presenting Magically, David Shephard & Tad James Time Line Therapy & The Basis Of Personality, Tad James & Wyatt Woodsmall

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