Decoding the Blueprint Blueprint Decoded Notes by Drama
I have watched the Blueprint Decoded three times (first time: massive shift in reality, second time: reinforced my beliefs, third time: post-bootcamp), and each time has impacted me differently. I want to break down the program into a ten part series and offer my input. This is not meant to "replace" watching the program, because I am only scratching the surface here. I want to help myself get a better understanding of the program, and also offer my experiences to everyone. I hope everyone gets some value out of this! Decoding the Blueprint: Part I Disclaimer: I do not take credit for any of the information presented. This is my reiteration of the Blueprint Decoded. All credit is respectfully due to Tyler and Real Social Dynamics. I don’t have the same story as most guys who get into the community. Typically, guys are dating a girl they are obsessed with, and their girlfriend breaks up/cheats on them and the inevitable crash into depression follows. After an alarming amount of time, they get over their depression and Google “how to pick up chicks.” I’m massively stereotyping, but I want to emphasize a point. I have been single my entire life, I am a good looking, physically fit
guy, and I have never had trouble meeting women and getting laid. I slept with numerous girls before studying social dynamics, but I felt like something was missing... I didn’t have the abundance mentality. I couldn’t walk up to a random girl I found stunningly attractive and know with absolute certainty, that I would take her home. Being successful with women is not something you do, it’s something you are. BEING not DOING. This is the fundamental message of the Blueprint Decoded. Everything that you need to understand is found in this concept. The complexities of it will be broken down into detail, but keep running that sentence through your head. DEEP IDENTITY LEVEL CHANGE This is the mission of this program. Most people take an outsidein approach to self-development. They learn tactics and routines to create attraction. Using tactics is like drawing a 6-pack on a flabby belly - it is a thin veneer that masks the crucial issues found on the inside. The outside-in approach is a shell over the old self - nothing internal changes, despite having success. How It Works The blueprint decoded is a secret code. You are not meant to understand any more than the level you’re currently at to go to the next level. Every time you watch the Blueprint decoded, it hits you on a
different level. If you go out now, the surface level principles hit you. A year later, the same principles hit you on a different level. This is very evident in my own development. The first time I watched the program, I had a monumental shift in my thinking. I learned to be open minded, nonjudgmental, and present. It literally changed my entire perception of social dynamics. The second time I watched the program, I had more experience under my belt, and I discovered my internal issues and limiting beliefs. I watched the Blueprint immediately after taking program with Brad, and I had quite a different experience. It reinforced that fact that this is only a skillset and if you continually go out, you cannot stop improving. I am watching the program again and picking apart each disk and learning to apply every concept to my current concept of reality. I am truly seeking deep identity level change. In the past, I have discovered who I am and where I want to be, but I continually failed to make the changes necessary. I have more motivation and maturity to work on this part of my life and be the man I want to be. Where We Came From The old frame was women are greater than men. Women were placed on a pedestal, which leads to men thinking: She is a beautiful girl, she is socially proofed, guys want her...I’m an average guy, not particularly good looking, not wealthy... When men came from the frame that women are superior, they
had to develop routines/tactics to pull themselves up to the same level. They used routines to compensate for what they “lacked.” In reality, women being superior was only in their head. When we hold a certain belief, we continually find evidence to support that belief. We put up blind spots to prevent anything that falls outside of our belief system from seeping in. This phenomenon not only applies to placing women on a pedestal, but to every limiting belief you may possess. Where We Are Going Social Conditioning (ego) --> Authenticity (self esteem) **WANT TO BE HERE** “The blueprint is about becoming the sexworthy guy” There are two types of guys: 1. Guys that appear to get success with women - all of your friends think you are a big pimp 2. The sexworthy guy - the guy that pulls And of course we have the chode… What is a chode? A guy who doesn’t have his own sense of values, lacks a selfdefined identity, and cares what other people think of him. A chode believes he has to run the grind of social conditioning in order to “get ahead” in life. A chode believes he must take women out on dates and lavish her with gifts before having sex.
1st Principle: “Most people in the world walk through life in a walking daze.” - Do not have a concept of their own values - Do not have a concept of who they are - Do not know what they want out of life - Influenced by other people (who may or may not know what they want out of life) What do most guys think will get them girls? *Money* This is one of the most common limiting beliefs of men in our society. It seems so obvious…right? You have a rich friend or see some rich guy on television that gets all the women! Of course, he has money…WRONG! Guys with money may appear to have success, but the money is not the contributor to their success. Sure, some women will love men with money (Read: gold diggers), but having money does not make you attractive to women. Here is a scenario…you have great skills with women…wouldn’t money be a nice bonus? -- HELL NO! “Money doesn’t do shit!” - Tyler Tyler provides two excellent examples of how money DOES NOT help: Rich Client, No Success * Not only is this guy a chode, but he has an ego based around his wealth * He has a big image to live up to and he cannot! * “Ohh, what time is it?” [Flashing the Rolex] - Seriously, women find this beyond unattractive -- it is
supplication at its finest Rich Client, With Success * The client brings a girl back to his mansion, and when it was “let’s go hook up,” it suddenly becomes “I don’t have one night stands! I’m a dating girl…” * The man was going to hook up with the girl, and when she saw he has a lot of money, she shifted her stance * Great example of money not helping you Another favorite that I often see when I am out myself is blowing money on tables: * Unless you want it for you, getting a table for girls is a total waste of money *What are you doing when you get a table? -- categorizing yourself as a provider! I have never been to a major city and see an extreme example of table service, but I have friends that drop $400 on a table for one night! Sure, girls come over, dance in front of you, and drink your alcohol -- but they aren’t going home with you. At this point, you may be thinking - why the hell do I even make money? I don’t need that crap! You make money for YOURSELF - living in financial abundance is for you You make money for YOUR FAMILY - being able to take care of your family
Honestly, if you don’t have any money, the one thing you can do is meet women! It is a constant in your life! *Looks* This is easily the most common limiting belief of every guy I have met. People will continuously find something or someone to blame, and looks takes some serious heat! Looks don’t mean #!@% Typically, it is more challenging for guys that don’t look good because they foster these limiting beliefs, but being good looking doesn’t help at all! Obviously, some women will go to great effort to “convince” a good looking guy to make a move - and he will think it was his idea. Some women value good looking men and will tolerate the chodey behavior. There will always be anomalies, but as far as improving your success with women is concerned, good looks will not do shit for you. A good looking guy may get the gimmies, but the women are always the chooser. Is the most popular guy at the party always tall and ripped? -come on! I am a prime example of this. I am a fitness junkie, and I am also extremely good looking. Sure, I’ve gotten a lot of girls because they chose me, but when I am out in the club, my looks have zero influence on my success. Before I learned about social dynamics,
I was a lost puppy in the nightclub. I was absolutely terrified! There was a 0% chance that I would meet a girl of my choosing and get a solid phone number, let alone take her home that night. I cannot stress enough that looks have no importance with meeting women. Here is a great example that Tyler provides: Scenario Out with guy that is extremely good looking and has excellent skills with women, if I am 1% sharper that night, I’ll get the more attractive girl (there are anomalies – some girls only go home with guys that are over 6’ tall…) Guys are always looking for evidence – trying to be scientist – they see these anomalies and make an entire model out of it *Romance* I think of romance as social conditioning due to your parents. Most of my friends that take the romantic approach were raised to buy girls flowers and chocolates before a date. This approach will work, but only if the girl wants you so badly that she is intimidated by you. The problem with romance is it is based on a set of rules. It can work - maybe you will hook up after date 3…or maybe month 3. *Commonalities* When I go out in the club, I talk 90% of the time for the first 10 minutes. Brad calls it vomiting. I spit out whatever is on my mind, and usually, something hits.
“I love snowboarding.” “OMG so do I!!” You can play off your commonalities and push the interaction forward, but most guys don’t understand the dynamic. The typical scenario is a girl says something she likes, and a guy says “I like that too!” -- do we have a connection? *Friendship first* * I’m going to creep in under the radar * I’m going to listen to her boyfriend problems * Eventually she’ll realize that I am the one! I’ve never taken this approach, and it pains me when I see it happen. When I think of the friendship first approach, I think of orbiters/male groupies. SOCIAL CONDITIONING This is another reoccurring theme of the Blueprint. Social conditioning is responsible for the majority of our false beliefs regarding attraction. Where does social conditioning come from? - Parents - Work - Friends - Religion - Society - The movies - Music
- T.V. - Advertising Social conditioning is constantly coming at you from all directions! There is no cause and effect relationship between what social conditioning represents and actual attraction. It’s arbitrary – a guy acts like a chode and the girl lets him get away with it. Why is the common view wrong? Girls are wired to go for guys that stand out from the crowd when an approach gets too popular can it still work? The common approach is interview style. Guys approach a girl and right off the bat ask: “What do you do? Where do you live? Why do you like it there? What do you do for fun?” It is overplayed and boring! I feel sorry for women. Cool, socially calibrated guys are rare. You must learn to always think for yourself - don’t look at what society is telling you. Make decisions based on your own experience. Ultimately, you have to try for yourself. Part II will be coming soon! - Zach
Decoding the Blueprint: Part II Disclaimer: I do not take credit for any of the information presented. This is my reiteration of the Blueprint Decoded. All credit is respectfully due to Tyler and Real Social Dynamics. NOTE: It was a challenge for me to relate what I talked about to specific situations in my life because the majority of what is covered is hard concepts. I used many examples from the Blueprint Decoded, but I tried my best to reflect on everything. This post took me about 2 weeks longer to write than I anticipated! It is a long one. As you read through Part II, you may notice some points being mentioned again - don’t panic, I did that on purpose! Everything that is repeated throughout these posts is of significance. I’m reinforcing the concepts through repetition ;) In Part I we expanded on social conditioning and helped you understand the common beliefs of most men. Other important principles were covered, and we are going to go “deeper down the rabbit hole” to quote Tyler. SUB-COMMUNICATION *Communication beneath the surface layer * Men look at visual cues, while women look at behavioral cues - Men are turned on like a light switch, while women are turned on like a volume knob Realize that women are better at picking up on subtle social cues
than men. It is possible for men to learn to be as good and better, but women are naturally better at reading them. Two Types of Sub Communication 1) Cues in your behavior 2) Cues in how people react to you Example: Picture a celebrity with weak character. He still has a lot of people reacting to him, thus women will still be attracted to him (even though he is a chode). Likewise, if a normal guy meets a girl one-on-one and there is nobody else around to react to you, she still makes a decision based on your visual behaviors. Evolutionary Example: You were the boss caveman, but now you have lost your status. How do the women know to drop you immediately? - Changes in your behavior A chodey caveman gets new status in the tribe - how do the women know to start hooking up with him? - Changes in behavior A woman’s physical appearance does not change quickly. When we see a woman, it literally takes ½ a second for us to determine how attractive she is. For a woman, your behaviors can change second by second. You
can be speaking with a woman and it is going amazing, but then it starts to spiral downward. When I first started going out, I could open hard and have an amazing initial interaction, but the set would go stale quickly. For the longest time, I could not figure out why I could start out with so much attraction and quickly loose the girl’s attention. When I went out with a wing, he pointed out that my body language was solid to begin with, but I had a tendency to lean in when I couldn’t hear the girl. My vocal projection also weakened after the open. These behavioral changes were not favorable and caused me to lose the set (among other micro-behaviors). Imagine what poor women deal with Imagine you are facing an incredibly attractive girl, you turn away for one second, and when you turn back around she blimped out and has a giant mustache! A girl’s surface value is static - your value is NOT - your behavior can change within seconds. The words that you say very rarely register with a woman. You can talk in total gibberish with a woman and she will pick up on your sub-communication. The more attracted she is becoming, the more irrelevant the actual words you are saying. When guys try to logical convince a girl they are attractive, they cut off the nice sub-communication vibe going on between the two of you
Examples of What Is Sub-communicated *Will be covered in greater detail later* Eye Contact This is a big one! If you cannot maintain eye contact with a girl, what does that convey? She is going to assume you are nervous, and unconsciously realize that you are placing more value on her (or the interaction) than you place on yourself. Strong eye contact is a form of dominance. Vocal Tonality In my opinion, this is the most important aspect to every man’s personality. Having strong vocal tonality and dominant vocal expression is beyond important. I will cover the three different types of vocal expression later, but understand that strong vocal projection is vital. Body Language This is a no brainer. If you have poor body language, you are automatically conveying poor qualities before you open your mouth. Dominant men are not afraid to take up space. This also conveys how comfortable you are in the environment. Humor & Playfulness Another important aspect to a solid personality. Being playful conveys you are having fun, you are at ease in the environment, and you are entertaining yourself (putting little value on the interaction).
Comfort In Your Environment We will go into this in much greater detail later, but realize that if you are comfortable in your environment, you will naturally display attractive qualities. Indifference to what people think of you “Do not give a damn what anyone thinks of you.” Easily the coolest quote on Earth. When you truly internalize this concept, you will be amazed at how successful you will become in life. This principle goes far beyond attracting women. It is easy to say “I don’t care what people think of me,” but when you truly behave that way, you will be amazed. If you stop yourself from doing something because you may get embarrassed or you are afraid someone will see you do it, then you are caring what others think. Try to consciously notice when you do care what others think. It can be as subtle as talking quieter so people don’t hear you. This concept will get covered extensively in the Blueprint. Concepts and personal boundaries of what you will and will not accept Having personal boundaries will have a significant impact on your life. If you allow people to walk all over you and drag you around like a dog on a leash, you will never reach your potential (not even close). Do you see how this translates to being great with women? If a girl is not living up to YOUR standards in the club, call her out for it. When she crosses a boundary, let her know. I have many personal boundaries. For instance, I do not like women who smoke. If a girl I’m talking to lights a cigarette, I’ll tell
her to put it out - if she doesn’t, I walk. I also value positivity. If a girl starts talking about a past boyfriend that she is upset about, I’ll cut off the thread. “Hey! We are in a club, let’s have fun!” You don’t have to be a dick. Know what you will and will not tolerate and stand up for your beliefs. Control over your own emotions and your own concept of reality “In any given social interaction, one person is always reacting more than the other.” Man = action, woman = reaction. Simple enough! If you are reacting to everything thrown at you (Read: congruence tests), you are massively displaying low value. Be in control of how you feel. No one can force you to be sad or upset. Learn to be positive and happy by allowing yourself to feel that way! I could write a novel on the importance of defining your own reality. I will cover this in greater detail later, but realize that if you don’t have a concept of your own reality, you are not living YOUR own life. Confidence to say what is on your mind and stand out Being unapologetic is a highly attractive quality. Don’t be afraid to say what is on your mind. Don’t apologize for your desires as a man. Standing out is highly important too. People are drawn to whatever stands out. Tyler provided the example of the group of Japanese girls, all with black hair but one who had blonde hair. Tyler’s eyes kept drifting to her - she stood out. You don’t have to overcompensate and “peacock” to stand out. Women will pick up on your subtle behaviors and know you are different.
Self-direction, conviction, and grasp of your own standards When you are on your path, women become an afterthought. Having standards allows you to screen women. You don’t see an attractive girl as the pinnacle of achievements. I value attraction, but I also value sense of humor, confidence, and many other qualities that I screen women for. When I am talking to a woman, it is clear that I am screening her for the qualities I look for. She is trying to live up to my standards instead of me living up to hers. Sense of entitlement and willing to go for what you want When I think of this, I picture a little child. Children are extremely curious, and when they want something, they don’t give up. I also think of naturals. These guys feel they are entitled to every woman they meet. Now do you understand why they are called naturals? Types of things you say and emotion behind the way you say them in relation to all of the people there This ties in with “not caring about what others think of you” and “confidence to say what is on your mind.” If you lower your voice when flirting with a girl because one of her co-workers walked over, this is going to convey you are worried what other people think. Take advantage of spectators. When you are talking to a girl in public, speak loudly, and notice how everyone will turn and watch. Being able to handle the social pressure of everyone observing you is similar to what celebrities deal with - they constantly have people reacting to them. Women will unconsciously pick up on the fact that people are reacting to you.
Women are judging you on value, the way you act, the way people react to you, and the deeper level of you who you are any other qualities are not the real deal, women are not wired to have a response to them. ATTRACTION *Straightforward process *Happens within seconds *It either happens or it doesn’t Having A Crush Having a crush on a girl that doesn’t like you makes absolutely no sense. Not only is it completely counter-productive, but it is shutting you down. When you have a crush on a girl that doesn’t like you, you are attached to the outcome. Outcome attachment will dramatically affect your behavior. Why would you ever be thinking: “How can I change her mind so she will like me?” Abundance/Scarcity Mentality Having an abundance mindset is extremely important. This means that you truly understand there are so many women in the world, that even if you mess up with one, there are infinitely more women to meet. Truly internalizing an abundance mindset erases all outcome dependence. This is why we go out to the bars/clubs to meet women. There is an abundance of women in one location. When you mess up with one, it is on to the next one! A scarcity mindset is horrible. It is extremely unattractive, and it will mess up every interaction you have. A scarcity mentality screams neediness. A woman will unconsciously think “if I have
children with this man, our children will be needy.” A scarcity mindset individual will be talking with a girl and be constantly in fear of losing her and never having an opportunity to meet another girl. Can you imagine how many unattractive qualities you will sub-communicate when you are thinking like this? Needy = unattractive = limited chances of reproduction SOCIAL CONDITIONING (Yeah, again!) The Impact of Society When we look to social conditioning, it teaches us a false value system: *Men think to increase their value, they need to get the job, get the money, and everything works out - Become the guy you see on TV Society has evolved to maintain social order. It is designed to give you a set of achievable goals that you can meet: * First go to high school, then college, then get a job, then set up a retirement fund, then retire when you are 60 - successful life. Society gives you endless stimulation - a magic pill for everything, the answer for all your problems. The magic pill isn’t expected, it is demanded! In our society, the supply will always meet the demand. You can be the spoke in the wheel, and if you believe in the system everything will be fine. This is the way our society has evolved - no one is responsible for it.
When a situation arises and there is no solution to the problem, people are outraged. When they don’t get what they want, it is messing with their entire system. People don’t want to look at the multi-dimensions of the way the world works. The Common Belief If you go to work and make money, your problems with women will get solved. “I’m busy studying right now to become a doctor, and don’t have time to meet women, but I will when I have money.” What happens when the doctor who never learned to become a more attractive man is gone for the weekend at a conference? - His little sweetheart, goes the clubs with her friends and hooks up with some guy who knows how to attract her Guys hook up with girls behind buildings and in the bathroom all the time. These girls will marry doctors and lawyer chodes who thought making money is the solution to their problems. Do you think her behavior is going to change? No, people’s behavior is consistent. If you haven’t figured out how to meet a woman’s emotional needs, how are you going to keep a relationship? **Before every pre-med or pre-law student starts freaking out,
realize that I am using these as examples. Not every doctor and lawyer is a chode haha. Where Does Confidence Come From? Confidence comes from: your identity, your sense of value, and your concept of reality. Living up to other people’s standards can give you a temporary fix of confidence, but it will not give you a real sense of value or self esteem. What would happen if you did play the game of society? - You have the looks (got cosmetic surgery, took steroids) - You have the money You might get the girl, but then you will lose her because you don’t know how keep her. All of your confidence is based on external pillars. What happens when your company fails? What happens when you suffer an injury in the gym and lose all of your muscle mass? Why it will never work (on long term): By a superficial value system (advertising and the media), an attractive girl is the pinnacle of achievement. You could be a doctor who saved thousands of lives, but at a nightclub, who is getting in the door first? If you believe in the superficial value system (I let society dictate to me what is valuable), when you approach an extremely attractive girl, you will feel like you are walking up with an empty
cup. The social conditioning game is rigged against you - it doesn’t matter what you do. “You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis.” - Tyler Durden Example: You have 11 pairs of shoes, what is the best way to convince a consumer to purchase the twelfth pair? - Convince the consumer that they need the twelfth pair - What is the driving force behind your consumer behavior pattern? * You want that little piece of self-esteem. * Feels good for a few weeks - then novelty wears out Everyone has experienced this. Have you ever noticed how you feel “good” when you get a new haircut and wear your new shirt and shoes? Has it ever occurred to you that you should feel that way all the time? Try changing the way you dress or get a different haircut. I used to grow my hair out long and gel it everywhere I went. I seriously would not leave the house until I had my hair styled. I decided to cut my hair short (even though I thought it would look stupid), and I stopped gelling it. Guess what! It didn’t make any difference in how others perceived me. Honestly, I like my hair shorter!
The bottom line is: Social conditioning is retarded! Consumerism It is normal to want to have friends, to want women in your life, and to be liked - these are healthy, natural drives. Realize that advertisers are aware of these drives. It is like a set of buttons they can push on. We are stimulus junkies. It isn’t a bad thing, we want a healthy economy, but you need to understand what is going on so you aren’t being lead around like a dog on a leash. The best type of consumer: Dissatisfied Mild paranoia about who he is (his status) No identity No values (doesn’t know what he wants in life -wants what other people want) Tyler provides an excellent example of how social conditioning impacted him: Tyler’s sister gave him a $200 pair of sunglasses, but he thought kids at school would say he wasn’t cool enough to wear them, so he didn’t. Social conditioning put many restrictions on the way he lived for years! It has definitely had an impact on my life too. I can honestly say that social conditioning has put limitations on everyone’s lives.
Your possessions can be a reflection of what you have done in life and be for your own enjoyment. If you love making money, do it. If you love to chill and surf, do it! BUT don’t live up to somebody else’s standards that you didn’t even create. You see social conditioning in the club all the time! See the guys dancing at the club - not because they want to, but because they want to fit in. Or the guys that stand up against the wall, drinks pressed to their chest (Read: death row). These guys go to the club, stand around, and watch other people have fun (spectators). Act through your own intentions. If you see a cute girl, and there is something holding you back, understand that it is your social programming. Unless you are capable of walking up to any woman with complete confidence and being outgoing, without even thinking about it, there is work to be done. SPECTATORISM We are a spectator culture - we are looking at other people to have the glory. We are a TV watching nation - average of 6 hrs a day!! We don’t want the glory anymore. People would rather watch TV about the natural environment than go into the natural
environment. We don’t care about the 3rd world because we haven’t seen it! People stand by and watch. It’s so easy to stand by and watch other people have the glory - it is simpler, easier, safer “Fuck that! The glory is to be had” - turn the TV off, turn off the web surfing Extreme Example of Spectatorism There are people that come on bootcamp because they want to see what they read about as spectators. They don’t want to learn the skills they just want to watch. This is so ridiculous it is hard to believe. Taking program is the ultimate opportunity to change your life and become massively successful with women, but people still only want to come and watch. People read Tyler’s blog - no interest in taking action. It is like reading a novel…ooh Tyler travels South America, Chapter 12 (haha) The adventures that we read about on blogs are so far outside of people’s realities that they cannot fathom living a similar lifestyle. Live YOUR Life “I believe in a life of your own design.” - Tyler Seriously, life is so short. It flies by! Modern technology and
advancements in health care have extended our life expectancy, but this is your one shot. Why waste it? Fuck social conditioning, and fuck what anyone thinks of you. If you are going by other people’s standards (looking for other people to dictate your values and identity) you will always come up short. Even if you do it successfully, you are still coming from a foundational level where the way you spend your days is reacting to other peoples standards. Most people never realize that if you believe in something and own who you are other people will like that. When you have values and expect people to live up to them what is coming across in a social interaction? The girl is trying to live up to your standards. This is massively more attractive than walking up with an empty cup looking for her to validate you and trying to meet her standards. “In any social interaction, one person is always reacting more than the other person. If you understand this, then you will without doubt have an abundance of women in your life. Being unreactive is extremely attractive. Women are drawn to men who are centered and not swayed by the bullshit life throws your way. Experiment: Tyler used to always try to think of the best thing to talk about with women. He decided to talk about what he did that day instead. He
talked about taxes - it worked. It was totally fine, he had a great night. If you are talking about some nerdy book you read, and you are a cool guy, a girl is going to try to keep up with you. She is trying to talk to you. Most guys are trying to live up to a girl’s standards and have her dictate their identity to them - no woman will find this attractive. Remember in High School when the popular kid was talking about something you aren’t even interested in, but you find yourself trying to throw out facts about the subject to show you are interested. YOU are trying to live up to his standards. Most people are trying to live up to the other persons value and have them dictate their identity to them - an effect of social conditioning. If you don’t know who you are, there is a vacuum and you will continually be sucking value from people trying to figure out who you are and what you should think. Living In Reaction - Lacking a crystal clear concept of who you are, what you value, what you are grateful and appreciative for, how your emotions work, what you really want out of life, and why certain influences are positive and corrupting Living in reaction sucks. I lived in reaction for nearly 18 years! It is
liberating when you learn about being unreactive and truly internalize it. Chodely Characteristics * Don’t know who they are * Don’t know what they value * Don’t know what they are appreciative for (dissatisfied) * Don’t know how their emotions work * Have no vision out of life * Don’t understand which influences are positive and which are corrupting them * They are scattered, not centered Most people take an outside-in approach on self-development. They work on their external characteristics while ignoring the internal issues. When you are only working on the surface level characteristics of yourself, you are establishing a pattern on the deeper level where you are living in reaction (living up to other people standards) Follow Your Values Whenever you are making a decision about how you are living your life ask yourself: “is this making me more confident and improving my self-esteem or distancing myself from who I am meant to be.” If it is distances yourself from who you are meant to be, DON’T DO IT - don’t compromise your values.
Using Tactics (The Magic Pill) Most people want the tactics immediately. - Get initial quick fix, and when that wears off, they seek the principles - You become a more potent and robotic version of the same woman-repellent self when you learn tactics The magic pill seems so appealing because it makes everything easier. It is in our nature to look for shortcuts. We don’t like slow, gradual progress - it isn’t appealing. We don’t want to face the larger problem - we want the quick fix. We want to be enhanced as quickly as possible (ego enhancement). People want to be better than the next man - they want to stand out. Seeking the magic pill is an endless cycle. You will never find it because it DOES NOT exist. The only way to acquire true abundance in your life requires an inside-out approach. Deep identity level change is the only option. 3rd Principle: “The self is always coming through.” This is simply awesome! If you are a cool guy, you can say the dumbest stuff and get away with it. Even body language (considered a pure form of attraction) won’t matter if you are a cool guy. You can literally open with anything when you have this handled. This is why inner game is massively important. Techniques will
give you the quick fix, but when you have your internals handled, you can literally say anything and be received well. My personal favorite opener: “I like salad.” If you are a cool guy, you can say that and it will be hilarious. If you are still working on your inner self, you can say the coolest shit and it won’t hit, but when you understand “the self is always coming through,” you will notice anything works when you have enough value. Not only will this make you phenomenally better with women, but it will increase every aspect of your life and make your experience of life much higher quality. RATIONALIZATION Everyone has a concept of who they think they are. People view themselves as having: *Integrity *Honesty *Depth (not superficial) These are all values that we want to have. Whether they have them or not, people tend to believe they do regardless. Sometimes, to act selfishly is in your benefit. - Ditch your unpopular friends to hang out with cool people - Fuck over the other guy to get on top - win/lose You have the person you think you are, and you have your biological drives.
Biological drives: Do what is good for survival & reproduction, and what feels good. I don’t agree with some of the actions we take due to our biological drives. As you become aware of these drives, it is easier to not be selfish and learn to enhance your life without being selfish. Backwards Rationalization * Everyone does it to a certain extent *To feel good about your emotionally motivated actions (actions we chose to do), we invent logical reasons for them during or after the fact * Even if you think you don’t do this, you do! * The less you do this, the better (have more control in your life). Value comes 1st If you are talking to a girl and you’re a “nice guy,” but you have low value, she will not acknowledge that you are a nice guy. If you are a total jerk, but have high value, and 1% of you is “nice guy,” a girl will focus in on that small percentage of “nice guy” in you and rationalize: “He is such a nice guy!” This example shows how value instigates rationalization. If a girl is a nice person, a person of integrity, and she meets a high value guy, she will unconsciously rationalize and impose those qualities on him (even if he doesn’t have them).
This is why you hear about women dating jerk guys all the time. They don’t understand why, but they keep coming back to the guy or keep dating guys that are jerks. The Importance Of Value You cannot have an abundance of women in your life if you do not have high value. Most guys assume they have to have the nice car, nice house, and expensive clothes to have value. That is all based off a superficial value system - which we discussed earlier. Value is sub-communicated. When you have a handle on everything sub-communicated to a woman, you will always be the high value individual in every circumstance. A common quality found in all high value individuals is that they hold themselves in higher respect than anyone else. What I mean by that is they don’t get super worked up when someone gives them a compliment. They acknowledge it with thanks, but they already know who they are and don’t let other people’s opinions have an influence over them. The reverse is true too. If someone walks up and tells a person of high value they are a loser and failure at life, they won’t be emotionally reactive. They already know who they are and don’t need someone else to dictate how much value they possess. When you have enough value, you can get away with anything. You can make a girl laugh by doing absolutely nothing.
Example: Remember when the high school quarterback talked with the cute cheerleader and she laughed at everything he said? He has high value being the star on the football team, and he knows it. Or the popular guy at school that every girl thought she had a connection with haha - this happens all the time. Most guys try to work on building a connection with women and work on improving their sense of humor but don’t realize value is a prerequisite. You can say the funniest line, and it won’t hit without having value. Value is not EVERYTHING, it just comes 1st (especially with very attractive women) - Most girls don’t want a guy with that high of value (not confident enough to be around it) A girl will take her time to get to know you when you have value Social Relationships (Alliances) Time and energy are finite. We are only capable of doing so much and we unconsciously seek out relationships that benefit us the most. Recognize this tendency, but don’t judge it - it is what it is. Our emotions guide us towards relationships that benefit us the most. Some motivations include: - Status
- Money - Sex - Knowledge - Relating to each other - Mutual respect - Having fun Obviously, moving towards relationships that are not status based is healthier. You can get increased status from friends that also are fun to hang out with, so don’t start thinking your friends only like you because they get more status. The longevity of a relationship comes from the value you get out of it. Every relationship you maintain is giving you some kind of enjoyment. If you become negative and depressing, people will put up with your shit for a while, but they will eventually move on when you stop offering value. Are you starting to understand the importance of value? Relationships are structured around value. This is why we always talk about offering value in all situations. Not only does offering value make others happy, it makes you feel better too. RAS - Reticular Activation System Your reticular activation system (RAS) filters out that which has no value and zones in on what has value. This is a huge part of attraction! The best guys out there can consciously see the RAS of everyone at work. A great example is when you are talking to your buddy at a
restaurant and a waiter carries a hot plate of food by your table your perception shifts towards the value (in this scenario the hot plate of food). We’ve all been talking with a friend when a sexy girl walks by and our attention shifts to the girl. This is your RAS at work. This applies to threats as well. Your reticular activation system focuses on whatever has the most value, and in any given scenario, something that threatens your survival will have a lot of value. You RAS also affects relationships. For example, say you have a friend with many nice memories and a few bad memories. - Nice memories: got you a birthday present, cooked you dinner, washed your car - Bad memories: stole your teddy bear, was five minutes late, made fun of you once When there is value in the relationship, your focus is only on the good memories. When the relationship deteriorates, the focus shifts to the negative. Your mind is flooded with bad memories, and suddenly all of the nice things your friend did no longer exist. - That guy is always late…he always steals my teddy bear…and he is always making fun of me! This happens in business partnerships all the time. When the other partner recognizes he can make money on his own, he starts focusing on the negative of his partner.
How does this apply to attraction? If you have the most value in the room, everyone will focus on you. You see this with celebrities all the time. They have high value and everyone is reacting to them. You don’t have to be famous for this to work. When you talk to a girl at the club and you project high value, she will instantly be focused on you. Example: When you are talking to a woman and her boyfriend is there, the boyfriend can be yelling at his girlfriend so loudly that you cannot hear yourself talk, but the girl can’t hear him and only hears the pitch coming from your voice. This is an extreme example, but this happens when you have the most value in the interaction. I’ve had this happen to me twice, and I have heard about this happening to guys all the time: If a girl likes you but has a boyfriend she really likes, she will focus on the negative of the relationship. Sometimes girls will go as far to create a fake fight with their boyfriend so they can rationalize hooking up with you. Personally, I don’t advise stealing a girl from her boyfriend. I’ve done it before and rationalized that the relationship must have been bad anyway, but it is a terrible thing to do if you don’t want to date the girl exclusively. If you don’t have morals, then by all means…haha Next time you go out, feel yourself doing it. Notice when your focus shifts to whatever has more value. You will be amazed how frequently this happens, and you will be more amazed when you
see other people do it. I especially notice this when I meet a girl during the day. I am naturally loud. For example, when I meet a girl in a coffee shop, I talk as loud as I do in the night club. You will notice everybody in the venue stop what they are doing and watch you. This is similar to what celebrities experience all the time. When you are comfortable with having many people react to you, your value shoots through the roof. Think of the RAS as seeing the Matrix. When you completely understand it, you can pull off extremely advanced stuff. Girls unconsciously understand what is going on here. They will try to get you to react to them - they are trying to get into your RAS. Also realize, if you are trying not to react to look unreactive, you are being reactive! What you should and should not take from this: When people learn about this, they start thinking everyone is rationalizing against them. This is similar to when you first learn about the ego and start labeling everyone as having a big ego (uhh people are so egotistical...). Don’t make a self-fulfilling prophecy that everyone is rationalizing against you! Do not adopt a victim mindset. Accept that the world owes you nothing, and that in the long run you will get back no more than you deserve. Look, the world is a light place. Always assume that everyone is your friend, and wish good things on everyone. Don’t get worked up when you are not acknowledged
for the value you deserve. To be phenomenal at this, you have to be capable of holding paradoxical concepts in your mind. Value (again…) Let’s get back to value. Think of value as a magnet - it is constantly dragging your perceptions around. So how do you know when you have value and when you do not? When you approach a group of girls and they glance over their shoulder to acknowledge you and get right back into their conversation you have little or no value. You will receive closeended answers. Women will not give you any attention when you have no value. When you have value, the set will open hard. The girls will completely face you, smile, giggle, and listen to what you have to say and try to impress you in conversation. They will give you their attention when you have enough value. Having high value is like being the warm end of the pool. Everyone loves the warm end! No one wants to get kicked out of the hot tub. SUBJECTIVE PERCEPTION Situational Value - A form of value that isn’t worth anything on its own but has a lot of impact in a certain environment. *Bartender in the club
*Professor in the lecture hall In this situations, the environment gives them a status they wouldn’t have on their own. What happens when you move the bartender into the lecture hall or when you move the teacher into the bar? Situational Confidence When you know you can anticipate a positive response because of your environment, you have situational confidence. You are assuming value in the situation due to your status in the environment. When you have situational confidence, you are comfortable in your environment - it feels like home. How does value make you attractive? Value prompts you to be attractive. When you know you have value, you will tend to be outside of your head - present or in the moment. When you don’t think you have value, you will be inside your head - micromanaging your thoughts. The irony is that when you have value, you naturally act in ways that make you attractive, but when you need it the most, you start thinking about how you can make people like you and how you can be more confident. Being outside of your head and in the moment is where you want to be.
Outside your head: *Enjoying yourself *Acting in the moment *Letting your real personality come out *Saying what is on your mind *Being unaffected by how other people react *Being detached from the outcome of any one particular interaction *Taking things as they come *Being fully present to what is going on around you *Assuming and expecting that everyone is your friend Inside your head: *Not enjoying the moment for what it is - always saying “how can I make this moment better?” *Trying to change your personality specifically to make people like you *Feeling flustered by all of the social things you think you need to be doing *Being emotionally affected by other people’s reactions *Feeling like one specific interaction has to work or you may not get another chance (scarcity) *Trying to think a step ahead and analyze how everyone will respond to you *Being too stuck in your mind to pay attention to what is going on around you *Feeling like your being judged The key to making people like you is to express your personality
freely, and let the chips fall where they may. Most people will like you, but you can never please everyone. There will always be haters. Some people cannot be happy with the fact that you can express yourself freely. Being able to express yourself freely implies that you are cool with who you are, and it conveys that you have the value to back it up.
Decoding the Blueprint: Part III Disclaimer: I do not take credit for any of the information presented. This is my reiteration of the Blueprint Decoded. All credit is respectfully due to Tyler and Real Social Dynamics. REACTIVENESS “In any social interaction, one person is reacting more to the other person than that person is reacting to them. “ Symptoms of Someone Reacting To You * Natural personality is being affected by you * The way they feel about themselves is tied up in your responses to them * Focus is more directed towards you than other people in the room * Feel a heightened emotional response to physical contact from you * Analyzing how they are taking up your space and time When someone is reacting to you, they will be afraid to take up
your space and time. They may hesitate to call you at late hours because they don’t want to “interrupt” or wake you up. Another example is at the movie theatre. Usually, the high status individual takes the armrest. If you don’t feel you have higher status, you won’t take up as much space. When you are being reactive towards someone, you literally do not see yourself as high value as them. You are giving your power away. Nobody, especially women, want you to give your power away. No woman wants a man who is nervous to be around her… On some level, we may feel that people like when we give our power away, but that is a false perception. Everyone wants to feel good and have fun together. Pay attention in your next social interaction and be consciously aware of who is being more reactive. Don’t do this every time you talk to someone, but become aware and understand what is happening. I notice reactiveness in deteriorating relationships. The guy or girl will go out of their way to piss off their mate. They will purposely push buttons to seek a reaction (which is being reactive haha). If you have ever been in a relationship that is going downhill, you know exactly what I’m talking about. I also notice when women are intimidated by me they are highly reactive to what I say. I speak my mind and don’t have filters (not
always a good thing lol). When I am talking with girls who are intimidated by me, they take everything I say as scripture. It may sound cool, but it isn’t. A bartender, celebrity, and party host all of people reacting to them. This is where the classic stereotypes come from. The Denny’s Manager The Denny’s manager that has had sex with 90% of the female staff. * He isn’t good looking * Lives in his parent’s basement * Drives a beater car * Short and fat From a superficial point of view, you would assume this guy couldn’t get any girls. BUT in that environment, the Denny’s manager has situational confidence - people are reacting to him. He is a leader of his environment. He feels at home in the environment. From a moment to moment point of view, the female workers are seeing his attractive qualities. NOW, take Denny’s manager to a classy party with super models and high status individuals… He won’t do so well. He doesn’t have his staff reacting to him. He will be inside of his head. His eye contact, vocal projection, and body language will suffer. He isn’t comfortable in the environment.
NOW, assume there is another guy there who is even more overweight, more sloppy looking, and doesn’t know anybody either. BUT he is having a great time splashing around in the pool and enjoying the moment. He doesn’t mind that he doesn’t have all of the superficial qualities. He actually just likes himself. Maybe he owns a fortune 500 company, maybe he has a 13” dick, maybe he is a movie producer, or just maybe, he is just a guy… There are two levels of confidence. Situational confidence, and core confidence. The Denny’s manager in the example above clearly has situational confidence. When he is pulled out of his environment, he is no longer comfortable and lacks all attractive behavioral qualities. I first noticed when I had situational confidence at my jobs. Whenever I was at work, I always felt more confident, comfortable, and in the moment. I also met many women through my workplace (not just staff). When I moved down to the Lake for the summer, the same thing happened. I worked outside all day with boats for an entire summer and it didn’t take long for me to be comfortable at the lake. I used to be intimidated by guys with their fancy boats and smokin’ hot girls on board, but now I cherish it. Situational confidence is not the ideal scenario. Being at home in any environment is our goal - not just the work place or the local bar we frequent every weekend. We want to be at home in the world.
Core Confidence Core confidence is where you want to be. When you can go out in any environment (with friends or alone) and be totally comfortable, you have core confidence. When you can freely express your personality and offer value in all situations, you have core confidence. Most people have a tremendous amount of social influence in their environment, but take them out of their bubble, and they lost all of their confidence. On one level, they know they have tremendous status, but when you take them out of it, they lose their confidence. It is a frustrating predicament if you do not understand how to develop core confidence. When I think of core confidence, I think of Tyler, Ozzy, Jeffy, Brad, Tim, Alex, Nathan, Ryan, and the other executive coaches. These guys travel the world and go out in new environments with guys they have just met. They are even comfortable in environments where they don’t speak the native language! The guys that have core confidence are getting laid by hotter girls and have better relationships than guys who don’t. It is a badass thing to have! We want to develop freedom and authenticity for ourselves. Developing core confidence isn’t an overnight process. It may take years to become truly comfortable in all environments, but don’t be discouraged. The natural progression is motivating on its own.
ATTRACTION Whoever has the most people reacting for their approval and is indifferent to it tends to have the most attraction. The stereotypical hype is you must have model looks and ripped abs to be attractive. This is the most common limiting belief of guys - “I’m not good looking enough for her.” What the #!@$!? There is so much counterevidence to this bullshit belief, but still, there is always some guy that knows looks matter…he just knows! Looks only boost your own confidence, which makes you attractive. Guys just have the equation backwards. Just knowing that your personality is enough, allows you to give yourself permission to be attractive. If you act like a rock star, you get treated like a rock star. Everyone enjoys a good vibe. If you are a person who is having fun and can express yourself freely, that is valuable. LOVE We generally do not talk about love in this community, but the major reason most guys get into the community is because they fall in love with “one special girl.”
The first thing most of us learn is “to be successful with one particular girl, you must learn to be successful with all women.” I always hear guys say “well, this girl is different” or “this girl is special.” What you will come to understand is you should treat the social interaction completely the same for all women. If you are placing higher value on a woman because you feel she is “different” or “special,” you are shooting yourself in the foot. You will blow it with her. When you learn to be successful with all women, then you will be able to date that “special” girl when she comes along. Classic Scenario: You have a girlfriend and everything is great…BUT then she cheats on you/breaks up with you. The most shocking part of losing your girl is that the girl you loved, the girl you were connected to changes. She no longer exists. Maybe you still love that girl and still have all of those emotions and feelings, but new negative feelings arise (she did cheat on you). When guys lose a girl, all they want is to win her back. They don’t want to learn to be a big pimp and live with an abundance of women. Their only thought is “I’ll learn to attract all women so I can get my girl back.” The guy resolves he is going to win his girlfriend back (thank you Hollywood). Now here is the mind screw: the same favorite places
your girlfriend took you to, she will take her next guy too. That nice dress you bought her so she will look good when she goes out…she is going to wear that out with the new guy. Logically, you cannot understand why she would be doing this. You have a special bond with the girl that you believe she couldn’t get anywhere else. Some people become jaded. “Fuck it…I’m done…I’m never going to have a girlfriend again, I’m just going to play the field.” Other guys become needy. They literally fall in love with every girl they meet. What is love? Is love two teenagers in the back of a car, scrambling for a condom? Is love a pair of newlyweds on the day of their wedding? Is love an old couple sitting on the couch who haven’t had sex in 20 years but are deeply in love? Is love: * A feeling of attraction? * A feeling of connection? * A feeling of lust? * A physical attachment? * Is it anxious co-dependence? - Mistaking neediness for love
More than anything, love is self-hypnosis. Many people conceive of love as having supernatural qualities: *They think everyone has one perfect soul mate *True love last forever *You can only fall in love a certain number of times in your life *People believe fate will handle love for them Love is not caused by another person, it is caused by ourselves. As we loop our thoughts around a concept of a particular person, our mind shifts the way that we perceive them, and suddenly everything makes sense…it’s love! Love will take a concept of a person and make them into something they are not. It can even make them into an object to you if you are looking at love in an unhealthy way. There is a distinction between a chode’s version of love and love that a completely centered individual experiences. A chode walks around with a gap in his self esteem. When he finds a woman, he fills that gap. He feels what a centered guy calls “normal.” It is a taste of validation. The guy thinks he is in love with the other person because he now has that good feeling in his body - codependence. BUT that good feeling is something you should self-generate. You should always feel that in you. When you love somebody, that personal connection you create can absolutely fuel that great feeling in your body, but when you
lose that person from your life, that good feeling should not go away. Obviously, it is ok to feel loss, but beyond that we are going into unhealthy land. A lot of guys use a woman as a form of situational confidence. When the woman is taken away from them, they feel lost. Honestly, you don’t know somebody until you’ve been with them for a long time. Most guys don’t realize what a relationship really is. Most guys don’t understand what it means to get involved with a girl. When you get deeply involved with a girl, you are taking on her problems too - health issues, family issues, money issues, etc… You don’t just pick a hot chick and fall in love - you don’t know her. You don’t know if a girl is telling you the truth or not if you just met her. You don’t fall in love with any person, you get to know them first. It is awesome when you meet a girl in the night club and you have an amazing connection. There is a chemical eruption - it is an addictive feeling. When you feel that, one way to intensify it is to think you have a connection with the girl. When you meet a girl and she sees you as an abundance minded guy - the cool, non outcome dependent, non reaction seeking,
completely unattached to any kind of result - you are attractive. She has one type of personality towards you, and that is the personality you are getting to know. You are getting to know her “I’m with a hot guy personality.” When you feel those good emotions, you feel attached to the girl. Then, you start to chode yourself out because you become attached to the outcome…and then she leaves to go to the bathroom and you feel a pang of loss. Maybe you see her talking to some other guy - do you man up, grab her, and pull her back? NO! You feel your state dropping. This doesn’t mean don’t fall in love, the point is you need to be a man of standards. You can have a great connection with a girl and enjoy the emotions, but you cannot be losing state if attraction fizzles out. This is a huge sticking point for more advanced guys. They become outcome dependent throughout the conversation and end up losing the girl - sucks!! Understand that you don’t know somebody until you REALLY know them. Don’t make judgments on the girl. She may be a chronic liar, she may be dating five other guys, she may be needy! OR she may be a normal, completely awesome girl haha The point is, you don’t know her when you first meet her. Assume nothing, enjoy the experience, enjoy the emotions, but don’t be
attached. Enjoy the experience to the fullest extent, but don’t have any attachment. The second a girl sees you are attached to the outcome, she will transform her personality right in front of you - completely unconscious. When guys are coming from a place of scarcity, they want a needy girlfriend. They want a girl who is always calling them and wants to be around them…but when you come from abundance, this is the worst possible scenario. It is horrible. I dated a girl who was extremely needy at one point, and I couldn’t even have sex with her I was so turned off by it. When you have moved past being needy, and you see the behavior, it messes with your head. It may make you think of your old self, I’m not sure why this happens. Understand there will always be a small level of neediness in a relationship, because a girl is acting on her emotions. Love is something you experience in yourself. It is something you experience walking down the street, talking to your friend, and looking at the sky. The World Is A Light Place To become amazing at meeting women, you have to get the “spiritual” side of yourself handled. “To mack the hoes, you have to get your relationship with God
handled.” - Tyler That doesn’t necessarily mean any specific religion, but you need to have that good feeling about the world. The world is a light place, it is your home, and you are at peace with the world. You have to become independently validated and independently amused. When you have that good feeling in yourself and are fulfilled in your life, you may not even want a relationship, but every girl you meet will want to be your girlfriend. That is the paradox. Before I studied social dynamics, I would worry about my future frequently. I was constantly afraid of making the “wrong” decision. Now, I’ve come to realize that every decision I make will take me down a different path. As long as I make decisions in alignment with who I am, it will never be a “wrong” decision. I have become more comfortable in all environments. I try to see the best in everyone, and I never see other people out to “fuck me over.” The world is a light place. When you truly internalize that, you are headed towards core confidence and true authenticity! Many guys start off wanting a girlfriend, then the realize they have to become self-fulfilled to get a girlfriend, and then you hit that new level. Their intentions to begin with were coming from a place of scarcity and neediness, but after time when you study social dynamics and improve yourself, you evolve. The changes in yourself can be
significant (they were for me), or extremely subtle if you are already a self-fulfilled individual. When a relationship is tied up in your ego structure and you lose it, you lose that good feeling inside yourself. Again, a sense of loss is completely natural, but when you spiral into depression, there is an internal issue. When you come full circle and are completely self-fulfilled, love will come into your life. Not the misconceptual definition of love, but what love truly is. IDENTITY Identity is a concept that relates you to and separates you from your social environment. It is your concept of who you are. Your identity is what makes you WHO YOU ARE. It gives you a certain status relative to other people, and as a result you can act in different ways. * “I’m a cool guy, so I can act like a cool guy” We form a concept of who we are by recognizing differences in ourselves from other people. We are always processing the world through the little seed in our mind that is our identity. From a social perspective, you have the ability to walk into any club, restaurant, shopping mall, etc…, and pull the hot girl out of
there - there is nothing stopping you. The only thing that is stopping you from being a cool guy (what you perceive to be cool - not society’s standards), is how you see yourself - your belief of who you are. Your identity can deeply help you or significantly hold you back - it can also give you the excuse of saying “that’s not me.” Inviting Friends Often when you bring this material up with your friends, it goes right over their head. You get the glazed over look and they just say “uhh…yah I’m cool man.” Guys constantly talk about meeting women, but when you bring it up and say “hey, let’s stop talking about this and make it happen,” more than likely, they won’t. If an idea goes beyond the beliefs of what someone thinks they are capable of, their subconscious blocks it out. When you bring up success with women, a typical response is “that’s not me.” It challenges their concept of who they are. Most guys don’t want to acknowledge they are not successful with women. It threatens their ego. SOCIAL FEEDBACK The majority of your identity and personality are completely arbitrary. It could have developed many different ways.
Tyler used the example of growing up next to a school yard bully. That scenario made him shy. His personality was shaped at that young age. Or, for example, you may have wealthy parents growing up. A rich kid may be spoiled and his personality will be effected by that. Or his parents may force him to develop his own success - a completely different impact on his development. We don’t know shit when we are growing up. Some of the traits we develop growing up are not created by us but influenced by our environment. Even if you think you know who you are, you probably don’t. Unless you have been actively working on yourself, you probably don’t know who you are and have a personality based on past experiences. Example: You are a young kid and you try to be creative and it works out you get validation for that. Now you see yourself as a creative person and go down that path. OR you try to step up and be confident as a kid and it works out. Maybe all of the kids around are more passive than you and you start to develop those personality traits. OR you try to step up, but you live in a neighborhood with a bunch of bullies and you get shut down. Now you develop negative associations at a young age and your personality goes down that
road. So much of your personality is arbitrary. It comes from social feedback. We may think we cannot change our identity, but that is bullshit. The core that makes you who you are is always there and never changes. You can be who you want to be. The personality traits that you have were developed in reaction. If you want to change your personality, do it. If you want to change your style, do it. You can do whatever you want. I have had a tremendous shift in my personality since studying social dynamics and self-development. With age and maturity, there is a noticeable shift too, but after I watched the Blueprint, I was different. I stopped seeing the world through a tiny filter. I became more optimistic and open to other beliefs. I also actively worked on being non-judgmental. What Do You Deserve? We all have a concept of what we deserve. When you know you are on a girl’s level, you behave naturally and it is easy to create attraction with that girl. Many guys have great skills with moderately attractive women, but when they run into their “10,” they lock up and become outcome dependent. They don’t feel like they are on the same “level” as the girl. On a subtle level, you are giving your power away. When you are
inside your head trying to keep the conversation flowing or trying to impress her, she will sense that. When you know you deserve that girl, attraction is so easy. You are not attached to the outcome and everything flows naturally. To become a guy that pulls and lives a life of total abundance, you have to be centered in your own life and not engage in the subtle sub-communications that lower your value. The major difference between the dancing monkey and the guy that pulls is having a sense of who you are. You must be centered in your identity to become truly successful with women. Of course you can get a girlfriend if you aren’t completely centered, but to be like the best of the best, you must have this down. Pinging Remember when we talked about 1st hand experience and 2nd hand experience (feedback)…? Well, your mind is always pinging - you do not figure out how the world works on your own. How do you know not to jump out of a three story window? How do you know not to put your finger in an electrical socket? Picture a small child about to pick up a little piece of dirt and eat it. When we see the social cues from other people (i.e. “what the *#!@ is he doing look”), we pick up the subtle expressions.
You are able to see what is normal permissible behavior, and what is bad behavior. When you are trying to step up and you see other people projecting “that is not permissible behavior,” your mind tells you “don’t act cool, don’t act fun.” A great deal of your reality is unverified and second hand. You have not learned everything about the world on your own - we don’t have the time and energy. This is why we rely on secondary information. Our mind has a little radar system that looks at how sure people are of themselves. It questions if a person’s sense of reality is more accurate than yours. Example: When you are driving and you ask your friend if it is right or left, and he confidently says “it’s left,” you believe him - and he may even be wrong, but he said it with confidence and certainty. When you speak with conviction and confidence, people will believe you. When a person unconsciously realizes you are more certain than they are, they will trust you. I naturally started acting this way after helping my friend start up a boat rental company. We were all new to the business and had no idea how things should run. It was a priceless experience, and it taught me to make decisions on the fly without hesitation and go with it. If I made a poor decision, I had to compensate on the move. Initially, it was stressful, but after getting more experience, it made my life
easier. My coworkers confided in my decision making skills and we had a very successful summer together. Example: When instructors teach program, they treat you like a total pimp. It completely reinforces the reality that you are in fact, a total pimp. When you start choding out, they call you out and reinforce that being chodey is bad. Just like a school yard bully pressures you down, the instructor pressures you up. When Tyler teaches program, and a student acts chodey: “what the fuck is this chode shit!?” He is reinforcing the reality that being a chode is bad and creating a negative social pressure against chodey behavior. IMPRINTS Everybody in their mind has a concept of what a cool person looks like and what a not so cool person looks like. On one level, it is an instinct to know what high status behaviors are, but we also have learned behaviors - social conditioning. Within your own culture, you have a clear cut imprint of what a cool guy looks like - either consciously or unconsciously. We have an idea in our mind of how we are supposed to act, how our behavior is supposed to look. Understand that our mind is always pinging and looking at our current situation.
When you are at the top of the totem pole you have a specific imprint of reality. We have a different imprint for every level on the totem pole. Have you ever noticed that you can be the coolest guy in one situation, but in another situation, you cannot be the same guy? You are comfortable, charming, and outside your head around some people, but in other environments, your radar system gets thrown out of sync and you behave differently. Your situation is always changing, and as it does, your mind is always looking at social feedback to figure out how much value you have and to determine which personality is appropriate at the time. Your mind is literally allowing you to have a certain personality. Why is it that sometimes the words are flowing out and other nights we are stuck inside our head? Entitlement The reason for this is entitlement. We now live in a society where life is valued and we do not hurt each other. Back in caveman times, if someone pissed you off, you could bash their head in with a rock. Now days, we really can’t do that - so frustrating… haha When you can go out and know you deserve the hottest girl in the club, you will behave attractively. When you know you are high value and a fun, cool guy, you will access the “top of the totem
pole” personality. This internal shift doesn’t happen overnight. It could take a few months to a year before you unconsciously internalize it. Any newbie is going to look like a dumbass. You are trying on new behaviors, but you are not calibrated yet. You are going to be the dumbass looking guy because you have not learned how to do it yet. If you are afraid of that, the range of your personality will never expand. You have to get over that! The ability to endure humiliation is a quality in the best guys. Most guys would rather get in a fight and get really hurt if someone steps over their boundaries, but we don’t want to humiliate ourselves - being manly is part of our identity, but looking like a dumbass chode is not part of our identity. How To Apply This Sitting at home and saying to yourself every night before bed “I’m a high value guy, I’m cool, and I deserve a 10!” is not going to get you anywhere. The concepts we discuss are not affirmations. They are literally signposts that point you in the right direction. The seed has been planted - you are consciously aware of this stuff. Now, when you go out, you won’t be thinking “be high value - check, be cool - check…” but your mind will pick up and develop reference experiences from your night out. Now that you know “oh, in order to be attractive I have to offer value, and be more centered in who I am,” your mind will learn to allow these behaviors.
It is so difficult to explain what happens, but if you consistently (that is the key) go out, you will get amazing. Just knowing about the concepts above will change the way you behave. When you start getting more success, your brain will develop more reference experiences, and you will unconsciously apply all of the attractive behaviors. It is like going on autopilot. This was a challenging post to write as well. I’m going to put more effort into separating my own thoughts from what I pull word-forword from the Blueprint in the following articles. I merged everything together on this post, but there is plenty of value to be had! Enjoy. - Zach
Decoding the Blueprint: Part IV STATE Why does your mind come up with a system that doesn’t let you act above your range? In the interest of keeping you alive, your mind has evolved an emotional system that gives you encouragement to access the confident part of your personality (confident imprint) whenever you think you have value, and discourages you from being confident when you don’t have value.
This emotional access issue is still something you deal with today, even though most of the threats that it is designed to protect you from do not exist today. The name of this emotion is commonly known as state. Imagine you lived in a tribe many years ago…if you got kicked out of the tribe, you’re done. Two major assets of human beings are social bonding and intelligence. Today if you get shunted, it is embarrassing and annoying - 2 million years ago, if you got the boot, you’re dead! If someone puts a knife up to your neck, you feel a similar emotion to experiencing massive humiliation. These emotions are designed to prevent you from stepping up. Nimbus (State) State is the emotional system which looks at the situation to see whether or not you have value and gives you access to the part of your personality that works best Characteristics of Being In State * A feeling of being complete * A surge of positivity and dominance * A naturalness where everything clicks * A feeling that YOU are the source of good emotions in the environment * A feeling that nothing can go wrong
Being in state is an addictive feeling. Your night will be nothing less of amazing when you are in state. Many people see state as the magic pill. This leads to becoming “state dependent.” Characteristics of Being Out of State * A feeling of being incomplete * A burden of being weighed down, anxious, or antsy * An unnaturalness, where everything is off rhythm and ill timed * You view other people as a source of good emotions (a scarcity mindset) * Feel alienated from the environment - Everyone is having fun but me When you are out of state, you walk up with a half-full cup and look to other people to be a source of good emotions. When you are approaching out of state, you are self-conscious and care what other people think of you. It is a mindset where other people have the value, and you are worried you might bother them. When you are in state, you have full access to that “cool guy” personality. When they say “be yourself,” what it really means is “be your best self.” You have access to that best side of your personality when you are in state. Your mind quiets down, you are in the moment, and you are outside of your head. Going out and meeting women can become an addictive because it is a portal to getting into state. When you are completely in
state, you can run up to a girl, pick her up, and start jumping up and down - that is your opener. When you are in state, you don’t have to do anything - the state takes care of everything. Being out of state sucks. You can say your funniest jokes, and nobody laughs at it. You can walk up with the same eye contact and solid body language, but something doesn’t work. When you are in state, people’s unconscious mind says “this guy must have value.” People want to be on the receiving end of authentic communication. When you are in state, you are coming from a position of abundance, you are communicating authentically. Generally speaking, when you are in state, you are being your best self. Jeffy’s Example: Raging brushfire vs white hot searing coal. There are two different levels of state. Jeffy uses the example of being like a raging brushfire. A level of state where you are jumping around and twirling girls. The second example Jeffy uses is being like a hot searing coal. This level of state is extremely focused, low key, and chill. Your situation typically affects which level you are on. Each is
equally effective but the environment will influence how you behave. In a raging dance club, picking girls up and jumping around is awesome. When you are in a café sipping coffee, I doubt you’ll have the same result - field test it! From a woman’s perspective, if he is in state, he must be having sex. Women are not socially conditioned to think “I want the guy that can have sex with many other women,” but they respond to a guy that could get any woman he wants. State is a paradoxical concept. The concept is meant to be liberating, but when you know that state matters, you are going to resist it. You need to set a personal boundary - “if I’m not in state, I’m going to go through the motions regardless.” Don’t be thinking “am I in state?” Don’t monitor if you are in or out of state. Being “state dependent” will shut your night down. You walk around the club thinking “am I in state?” When you try to force state, you will just get stuck inside your head. You must learn to relax and allow yourself to feel awesome. Resistance is an emotion. Say you are needy for a girls validation and it creates a strong reaction in you, if you don’t know what neediness is, you’ll
mistake neediness for love. If you don’t know what resistance is, you’ll mistake many negative emotions (depression, anger, etc…) that are really being cause by resistance as being real and you will add fuel to them by identifying with them. Resistance is the emotion you experience when you wish that the reality in front of you was in some different way. “Man, I want to be in state.” - your thought loop - Creating resistance - resisting the reality in front of you You must never resist the reality in front of you. You must know how to change the current reality (right action), but never resist the present moment. Example: Say you are depressed. You say things like “I’m so depressed, I hate being depressed, I’m such a piece of shit for being depressed!” What if you say instead (Eckhart Tolle style) - “well, I’m depressed, I don’t mind. It’s ok, I’m depressed.” - You are not identifying with the emotion. You recognize there is a chemical imbalance in your body. You are creating “space” between you and the emotion. When you are in the club saying “I’m out of state, I can’t
approach, I’m out of state,” you are resisting the moment. The best way to stay out of state is to think “ohh man I need to be in state, I gotta get in state.” - You are identifying with the emotion of being out of state, and you are fueling it - You are creating a field of negativity within yourself The first gateway to get out of that is to accept that you are out of state: “Well, this sucks, I’m out of state…but I don’t mind. I have a personal boundary, I’m going to go talk to people anyway.” That is taking right action. You are not resisting it, you are not dwelling on it. “That which you resist, persists.” Decision making is a psychological muscle. Indecisiveness is a horrible quality for attracting women. Example: Taking girls out of the club and they ask “where are we going?” -“uhh, I’m not sure yet.” -- boom, they are gone -- “we have to go to the bathroom” If you have enough value, it won’t matter, but when you are on the fence, it will blow you out.
I was at a local bar in town and ran into two girls up at the bar. I talked with them for a while, and invited them back over for an after-party. They were both down to leave the bar and come party with my roommate and I. Well, I dropped the ball and instead of being a leader and saying “let’s go, right now!” I told them I needed to talk to my roommate and see if we had any alcohol at the place. I got back to them in about two minutes, and they already changed their mind and didn’t want to leave. It happens so quickly! Indecisiveness will be the death of you when you are taking a girl out of the club. We live in a society where feeling bad emotions is an excuse not to act. Most people think “I’m too scared” is a good reason to not do something. Taking right action is a psychological muscle. “I’m not gonna do an approach, it is too scary.” “It doesn’t feel good, I’m not gonna do it.” Many societies before ours valued the idea of right action. This is what is required to be done, and I’m going to do it regardless of my emotions. Imagine it like you are totally shitfaced and a police officer asks you to walk a straight line - you just try! A guy who is successful in a business isn’t POINT A to POINT B.
It isn’t smooth sailing, it is messy! Most guys picture the top guys as having smooth approaches and pulls. More often than not it is messy. “A pull, it is messy man!” - Ozzie The difference between courageous people and cowards is courageous people are willing to walk through the fog of bad emotions, they plow through it. Being out of state is like walking through a fog - there is a lack of clarity. Your personal boundary is moving through the emotions and taking right action. When you go home and don’t take right action, most guys rationalize reasons why they feel they shouldn’t go out. I used to catch myself saying “it isn’t going to be a busy night anyway” or “I could go out, but I have so much I need to get done.” I would procrastinate all day and then when it came time to go out, I’d use the excuse that I had work to do and no time to go out. Eventually, you will move past this, but time to time I still catch myself rationalizing why I can’t go out and socialize. I learned to force myself to go out (even when I absolutely didn’t feel like it) and once you get momentum, it is so easy to develop a habit of going out consistently. A big example is when you take a bootcamp or go to a seminar
where they talk about right action and you get home: “Ohh, I didn’t take right action, I’m so worthless. It is so stupid. I said I was going to take right action, and I didn’t.” When you bitch about not taking right action, you are creating a negative thought loop within yourself. Accountability is important, but don’t cry over spilt milk. Learn from your mistakes and move on. We don’t take right action all the time, but the more you do, the easier it becomes. Eventually, you learn to push through state issues. The two qualities you want to cultivate are right action and nonresistance. State is very liberating, but when you are out of state, don’t resist it, take right action. A great way to train yourself to get into state is meditation. Meditation can teach you non-resistance, but it can be difficult to translate that out into the real world. Learning to hold your state in a dynamic environment (Read: nightclub) is a life goal.
RULES We feel happy because we allow ourselves to. We all have rules that we assign in our lives. Some people have a thin margin where they allow themselves to feel happy. On the opposite end, some people feel happy because they are alive. I’ve always had cool friends and lived in an environment of abundance, but learning to appreciate the little things in life doesn’t come to me naturally. Every year, I notice that I get less stressed out and am genuinely happier about little things. I am striving to continually lower my criteria for happiness. Some people have a thin criteria for happiness to motivate themselves to be productive, but you can be happy and still take right action. How you are dressed is a good example of a rule many people depend on. When we are dressed well, we feel better about ourselves. Some of us don’t feel the same when we are not dressed up. We feel more insecure and paranoid about what other people are thinking. Remember when you got a new haircut and a brand new shirt, and you felt great wearing it and noticed women checking you out when you are walking around? Then you think “this is a cool shirt.” I really notice that when I’m dressed nice, women respond better to me.
Most guys feel good wearing the shirt for a while, and then they stop caring about the shirt and say “this shirt doesn’t work anymore.” Picture if you were to wear the exact same clothes you wore 4 years ago. Most guys would say “that shirt definitely wouldn’t work.” Your own sense of style has changed, your own rules about when you feel good and what kind of clothes you can wear changed. Try going out not dressed nicely. Last year, I never went out to the bar or club without wearing a dress shirt, jeans, and dress shoes. Now, I wear what I want when I go out. I love going out in a T-shirt when the weather is warm. I wore shorts, a t-shirt, and sandals to the bar last week. Guess what…it doesn’t matter! I had just as much success (if not more) being dressed how I wanted to dress. You should never rely on your clothing. This summer, I have completely internalized the fact that how you are dressed does not matter. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be presentable, but the clothes you were have zero impact on your success with women. I went to dollar night at a bar called Topsider on Monday, wearing pajama bottoms, a Mario t-shirt, and a orange Hawaiian dress shirt. I looked like a complete tool, but I didn’t give a damn, and people picked up on it. Dressing silly also made me more approachable. I had numerous girls open me and ask where I got my clothes. I was also DD’ing this night! Prove to yourself that what you wear does not matter.
Some guys rely on their clothing for shelter. They use clothing as an excuse to not go out. Same thing with girls who will not go out to the club without their hair done and makeup on. IDENTITY CRITERION Your identity criterion is where your mind looks to reference how much value you have. The rules you possess will determine whether or not you’re allowed to go into state. Like a thermometer, it will go up or down depending on your criterion. - The thermometer you use to decide whether or not you will go into state is programmable. Superficial standards * Good looking * High status job * Making money * Owning nice things When people have these things, they feel good. When these superficial possessions are absent, the good feeling dissipates. ALLIANCES When you feel guaranteed acceptance from the people around you - Attention from girls - High status friends - Girlfriend around
- People being nice to you Alliances are a fancy word for friends (typically referring to friends in an environment). In the bar/club, we feel guaranteed acceptance from strangers when we are getting attention from other girls, or we have a high status friend with us. A girlfriend can boost that feeling of acceptance, and so will people being kind to you. Chode Crystal When a group of chodes “crystallize” together - typically have drink up against chest and bopping with music they don’t want to dance to. If you ever go out to the club with a friend (wingman!), spend time away from your friend and notice how you feel. Typically, you will feel your state drop when you break away from a friend. “Oh, where is my buddy at? I wonder what he is doing? I’ll approach those girls after I find him.” When you are out and you start making alliances in the club, you begin to know more and more people, and you’ll notice yourself hit state. If you are with a group of people, you have relationships in the environment to back you up. The system is there to protect you in case a big alpha caveman came to bash your head in! You have friends there to back you up.
If you sense that you go more in state when dressed well, as an experiment, go out without dressing up and go through the motions and build reference experiences. If you have an off night, try it again down the line. We want to move past these “rules” that can hold us back. I mentioned previously about going out to the bar dressed like a complete idiot, and how it affected my night. You don’ t have to get crazy with this, but rather than wearing jeans and a button up dress shirt, try wearing comfortable shorts and a simple t-shirt. Do this multiple times and don’t give up if you have a bad night the first try. The same applies to going out with friends. Try going out alone one night or split off with your friend and check out different venues. You don’t have to go out alone forever, but if you can’t go out alone, try it and let the confidence come out from within. It took me a long time to man up and go out solo. I used to depend on my friends to go out to the bars. If my friends stayed in, I typically did. I started going out earlier than my friends when we’d go out, and roam the bars alone for a while. After a week, I started going out solo every night and half the time I’d run into people I know. I love to go out alone now. I can leave when I want, and you never have to worry about changing venues or locating your drunk buddies. COMPETENCIES Competencies - having anything that makes people want
something from you - Access to something exclusive - Knowledge or expertise people desire - Entertaining jokes that can engage people Have you ever seen a guy with a guitar in the bar or a guy doing magic tricks? Club promoters and bartenders are prime examples as well. They have access to things other people want. They know they can provide good emotions. Competencies are like a magic penny that allows you to feel that you are a source of good emotions. When you have a great pickup line, your unconscious mind will say “this is the shit.” Pickup lines don’t do shit. We just unconsciously rationalize that because it is a “pickup line” it will not fail and will make a girl attracted to us. Your behavior changes, and when you deliver the line, you deliver it with confidence (which is what attracts the girl). We assign credit to the wrong source. The line doesn’t attract the girl, the way you communicate does! Guru/Student Relationship When a guru tells a student how to think and act, it unburdens him the responsibility to think for himself. The guru needs the student.
“I have all these people listening to me, I have to be right.” The guru needs the validation of having students responding to him. When you are given a pickup line from a guru, you have more confidence using it. Guys will try introducing themselves, and say “it doesn’t work.” - They rationalize that “it’s too generic.” My favorite opener is “Hey, I’m Zach,” or “hey, you’re cute.” Both of these are so simple. It isn’t possible that they couldn’t work. You can open with anything - remember that. When we get a result, we look for reasons for that result and create a model around it. When you can approach by introducing yourself, you are saying so many great things about yourself. You are convinced, that you alone are enough to attract her. When it is in your reality that women will like you just for you, you don’t need the lines. If you cannot get a set open by introducing yourself, there is work to be done. Realize that women can like you just for you. You don’t need magic tricks, you don’t need friend’s in the environment, you don’t need to be a ripped model, you don’t need “pickup lines!”
ROLE PLAYS Role Plays - circumstances in your life call on you to assume a role - Teacher in a teacher/student situation - Respected or professional role - Surrounded by people of lesser status and fulfilling the role by default One of the most common things you hear about from guys that teach pickup is: “you know it’s funny, ever since I’ve been teaching pickup, I do really well when the guys are around, but when I’m on my own I don’t do very well. I never meet girls outside of program.” Your mind is always pinging to find out what your reality is. When you have a group of guys sitting there in a semicircle around you with glazed over eyes, you’re going to feel like a champion. Have you ever been out with somebody that had better skills than women with you, and your game went way down? Your constantly looking at him to see what he is doing. Play your own game. When you take out guys that aren’t as skilled, it can be addictive to boss them around and show them what to do - it boosts your state. This isn’t a bad thing, but it isn’t where we want to be. It can be
mutually beneficial for a more skilled individual to boss around a beginner friend. You both are experiencing better results and learning, but we aren’t looking for a short-term solution…think long term. We all have different concepts of the universal roles (ex: leaders, followers, etc…) Maybe you take on the more dominant role at work or when you are teaching, but when you are with a girl you can’t do it. OR you are out at the club with a friend who isn’t as good as you, so you get pumped up and say “no man do this…this is how you do it!” Roles are constantly being exchanged. Say you have two guys competing for the same girl. The guys will tool each other out into a beta role. When you are used to being the judge in the situation and some guy says “you’re cool man.” he is taking on the role of the judge and trying to sink you state. You are being a really cool guy in front of the girl (accessing the high value imprint), but when he starts taking on the characteristics of the role stronger than you, and he has more certainty, your mind sinks back down into a chodey imprint. Guys when they are out will put each other down to mix up the roles. A great way to deal with a guy who is trying to tool you out is
completely ignore him. He doesn’t have enough value to activate your RAS essentially. The girl sees this, and unconsciously realizes you are not reacting to him and loses attraction for the guy. A role is just a role and you don’t have to identify with that role. If someone is judging you, you don’t have to respond to that. “Oh…your cool man!” “Yah…thanks.” - completely unreactive It takes time to become unreactive to people’s bullshit. At first, you’ll try to be unreactive (which is reacting haha), but over time you’ll learn to internalize it unconsciously. I don’t get tooled often when I go out, but when I do, I completely ignore the guy. The crazy part is, if you have enough value, the girl will not even hear him either - she will be completely focused on you, and the guy will blow himself out by trying to be heard. CORE CONFIDENCE Most guys spend their lives chasing circumstances. Classic Example: LA club promoter - has nice clothes, lot of friends, puts himself in a role of authority, has something of value to offer people (access to nightclub) To a certain extent, all guys chase after those circumstances that
allow us to feel state. Right action dictates that we should chase those types of circumstances (to a certain extent). The cause and effect relationship is skewed. Most guys are missing “what causes what.” Look at the rap group Outkast. They have style because they make it cool. They have the level of charisma required to make those clothes cool. Most styles out there today were dictated by individuals who had enough belief in themselves to dictate the style. Rather than trying to get the perfect clothes, why don’t you make your clothes cool? Why don’t you own what you are wearing? Rather than reacting to people’s standards, have your own standards that other people react to. Alliances Most people are looking for alliances within a venue, and they think when I have friends, I am going to feel confident. When you go in the nightclub you may think “I’m gonna make some friends in here so I can feel confident.” Why not flip up the cause and effect? If you are confident, relationships are going to come into your life naturally. Competencies When you are a confident guy and speaking authentically, you have something people want.
Role Plays People chase the position of authority because they want to feel good. When you already feel good, people put you in a position of authority! The first layer of core confidence is the flipping of cause and effect. You can stop chasing all of these circumstances. If you are looking at this thinking “that couldn’t be me…” understand this doesn’t happen overnight. You don’t learn about core confidence and instantly have it. “If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting the results you have always gotten.” Don’t be a person who reacts to trends (the unthinking masses), be a person that creates trends. A key theme is most people walk through life in a walking daze. They are just reacting to their emotions (living in reaction). If you don’t know how your emotions work, you’ll be living in reaction - it will feel so real. It is hard to be a chill guy watching life play out when you feel so immersed in it. Most people are looking for the social feedback of people reacting to them before they can feel confident. They don’t realize the cause and effect is that when you feel confident, people react to you.
Core confidence comes from an unshakeable conviction of who you are and what you are entitled to. It is a confidence that allows you to take on a charismatic attitude that gets people to react to you regardless of the situation you are in. Qualities of Core Confidence You identify yourself as an individual who cannot be categorized, with a dynamic and flexible identity that could evolve at any time you choose. You know what you’ve been through in life and trust yourself to get by in any situation in life. You value your own opinion of yourself more highly than the opinions of others, and you determine your values by a criteria that is your own. You know that your acceptance in any particular situation is never a threat to your overall well being. You know what your best qualities are, and even if people don’t see them or acknowledge them, you still know they exist. - You don’t need people to validate you You know you offer real value to people, and if they don’t see it, it is their issue, not yours. You believe your life perspective and energy have an inherent
value, whether people acknowledge it or not. Real core confidence is something you have to dig very deep inside yourself to find. It is a habit that comes from understanding what it is intellectually, but to actually internalize it, you have to become rooted in it over the years. We have planted the seed, now let the roots slowly develop. As core confidence comes out more and more, you will gather more reference experiences for why core confidence really works - your mind will eventually accept that this is the truth. If you can plant the seed and keep moving towards core confidence without beating yourself up over it, the possibilities this opens up for you in life (the places you can go, the fun you can have in different environments, and the way you feel about yourself) is awesome. The Glory of Traveling Tim is a great example of what core confidence does for you. Tim ran special events in Europe flying from city to city. He is going into a foreign environment where he doesn’t know anybody, doesn’t know the native language, and going into a nightclub where he doesn’t know anybody. When you go to the same nightclub and know people there, it is so easy to feel comfortable. It isn’t a bad thing - incredibly fun. There is a true glory in traveling and exposing yourself to different environments.
Some guys in the community travel to various cities and come back completely rooted in themselves. They have been forced to root their confidence in themselves. As you age core confidence is a goal that you strive for. Even if you don’t have “perfect” core confidence, good enough is good enough. CONFLICTING REALITIES Picture an object dropping…when you drop something you have an anticipated response (it is going to fall). What would happen if you dropped a rock and it floated up? It would mess with your concept of reality. Have you ever walked down a set of stairs and the stairs ended earlier than you anticipated? Your sense of reality is what allows you to make predictions about the world. We have a model of the world inside our head about all of the different cause/effect relationships. It is your map of how the world works. It is the sum total of the cause and effect relationships (1st hand or 2nd hand) that you learn over the course of your life that allow you to predict the world. It includes your view of how the world works, your view of what people are like and how they should respond to you, and your
view of what you deserve out of life. You have a certain reality of how people should treat you and what the world is like. Think of a successful guy and what his reality of the world is and someone who is unsuccessful. The scarcity/abundance mindset. The world is a light place or everyone is out to get me. “Whoever has the strongest reality wins.” Whoever has the more dominant sense of reality will tend to impose that sense of reality on to the other people around them. Whoever has the stronger beliefs about who they are and how other people should treat them, will suck people into their reality. People will begin to react to them through that concept. Some people have a bubble around them, and everywhere they walk people are responding to their reality. When we think about social interactions, we think: *Who is more attractive *Who is trying to get the other person’s approval *Who’s way of acting makes more sense This is where peer pressure takes effect - the dominant reality is winning out. I quit drinking for six months, and it was a challenge. I am in a
fraternity, and constantly surrounded by alcohol and parties. Social and situational influences make it challenging to change a habit (let alone the challenge of changing a habit in the first place). I successful stayed sober for six months, but I also did it because I wanted to. I was following a strict diet and workout plan, and the momentum from that challenge helped me can the habit of partying all the time. My friends constantly gave me shit and pressured me to drink, but I stuck with my decision and didn’t give in. After a couple months, I wasn’t fazed when someone pressured me to drink with them. I was convinced that it is completely normal for me to go out and not drink, and I had the stronger reality. It was constantly challenged, but that only reinforced it. The person who has the stronger reality tends to go more off 1st hand experience than 2nd hand experience. He isn’t pinging the environment trying to determine what other people think. Because people are always pinging to form a social concept of reality, most people walk through life in a walking daze - following trends, looking to other people to tell them how to act… When you understand that when you have the stronger reality you can pull other people into your own reality, you will tend to rely less on other people’s opinions, and more on your own. That can be positive and negative. There are people who take advantage of this “glitch” who know how to get what they want and use it to only benefit themselves - EVILL!!
Picture an attractive woman, your classic “bitchy LA 10” stereotype. She thinks: *I’m a hot girl *You are the “next guy of the night” who puts me on a pedestal *You need validation from me, approval from me, and sex from me *I’m too hard for you to get, but feel free to entertain me if you like A sterotype strong reality a girl might have. “OH are you trying to pick me up or you’re a jerk.” - say stuff to impose that reality A girl doesn’t have to approach to impose that reality - a guy is initiating things. Guy who has a strong reality (pertaining to a social interaction) *I have no shortage of options *I’m chatting you because I’m having fun *Girls are silly, girls are adorable, girls are fun to be around *I am totally fulfilled in everything, I have everything I need *You seem cool, and if you turn out different than the other girls, we may hang out *If I want something I take it, but for now I’m just chatting and having fun There is a strength in being the guy that sees what he wants, knows what he wants, and takes what he wants.
Some people say if you go in hard the friends will cockblock, but when you are a cool guy, the friends don’t cockblock - girls cockblock chodes. If the friends do cockblock - engage them! It’s that simple. Take the shortest line from point A to point B. Don’t identify with a method. Just do what works and calibrate from moment to moment. Indirect approach vs direct approach A lot of guys get in between indirect and direct. It completely defeats the purpose. So many guys get lost listening to the guru, that they don’t think for themselves “what makes this work?” I prefer a direct approach. I don’t think before I approach a girl, I just say whatever comes to mind. It is fine to think of an opener, but anything beyond that is forcing you inside your head. “Hey, who are you?” “Hey, I’m ______” “Aye, you’re cute.” - my favorite To understand what is being communicated, you have to have the reference experiences, and you have to ask yourself what are the mechanics behind this making it work. You should never view anyone being cut from a different cloth. Guys view a “pickup guru” as the end all.
A man and a woman have an unspoken dynamic. You don’t say “Hey, I’m Zach, and I have a very strong reality, welcome to my world.” - Though that would be a tight opener (anything can work if you do it properly) It isn’t spoken about generally (unless in jest or sarcasm). Having a strong reality is an unspoken thing seen by the dynamic in the individuals. Personal Note: I aplogize for taking such a long time to post this article. I have consumed my life with work this summer and have left myself with little free time (though I'm still going out and making shit happen)! I'm stuck in a rut of partying and working all the time. I drink every night, and I'm having an amazing summer, but I know I've regressed from where I once was. I used to be highly productive and motivated, but I've taken 3 months off from life and wasted tremendous time. I wouldn't trade the fun I've had or the realizations I've had - nor the benefits from the hard work I've put into my best friend's company. I miss the community, and I'm going to get more involved when I get back to school. I miss going out and writing FR's every week. Hope this article enlightens everyone - six more parts to come (in the not so near future haha - I'll get going again when class starts)...until next time ;)
Zach
Decoding the Blueprint: Part V High Value What exactly does it mean to have a strong reality and be a high value individual? Look at the following questions: Who is emotionally affected by the other person’s acceptance, and who would feel no change? Who is losing their concept of what’s cool, and who feels no change? Have you ever talked to someone and they say something they don’t like, but you like it, and then you say you don’t like it either? Who would feel like they are having just as much fun if the other person wasn’t there, or who would feel like they got kicked out of the warm end of the pool? The higher value individual in each of the above circumstances is clearly obvious. A high value individual does his/her own thing. If someone has a different opinion from you, you don’t qualify yourself, you just speak what is on your mind. You don’t depend on other people to have that good feeling inside, you generate it
yourself! The guys that are the most successful with women are the guys at the club having their own fun. If the girl leaves they don’t feel that needy pang inside. Most people will not go out by themselves. They cannot have fun alone – resisting the current reality. This is why being self-amused is such an awesome quality to possess. A self-amused individual doesn’t need anyone around to have fun – they bring the party with them. When you can look beyond the surface and see the depth of things, you will learn to be more self-amused and have fun by yourself. Being Unreactive When you feel good on your own, that good feeling naturally leads to being unreactive. By not allowing your own behaviors and emotions to be thrown off by another person’s reality, you are being the most unreactive. This doesn’t mean being unresponsive or inexpressive! Being unreactive is about responding to the world on your own terms (acting through your own intentions). Picture a scenario where a girl tries to push you into the role of chasing her or impressing her…
A high value unreactive guy will not allow that into his reality. He will stay positive and upbeat – he will “be himself.” By doing this, you are drawing the woman into your reality. Being unreactive communicates: *"This is so far outside of my reality to be treated negatively, not only am I not going to put up with negativity, but I don’t even realize negativity exist because I’ve never seen it.” *Basically, you are communicating: “The way you are acting is retarded because no one acts that way.” The key question is: who is changing the way they act trying to get value from the other person, or who is just being themselves? A common misinterpretation of being unreactive is acting like Clint Eastwood (showing no emotion), and the other misinterpretation is guys try to assert their reality over everyone. You are not going around trying to suck people into your reality (win/lose situation). People have the choice to enter into your reality. Trust In Your Faculties Most people do not trust themselves – they cannot look at reality for what it is, they need to look at other people for a reference. Most people need to be told what to do. They haven’t exercised the muscle needed to make distinctions based off first-hand
experience. They shelter themselves by interpreting the world through the eyes of others. Congruence Tests Girls throw tests out on you and sometimes they are really accurate. If you are overweight, don’t be surprised if a girl says “wow, I usually don’t hook up with guys that aren’t ripped.” She doesn’t care about that superficial aspect of you, but she does care about how you are affected by the perceived superficial shortcomings. She is looking at you to see if you are going to react – the actual quality itself is completely arbitrary. Girls can throw out obnoxious stuff like: “Do you want to fuck me?” “Is that your pickup line?” When you start, you rarely get congruence tests – girls aren’t mean! When girls test you, they are checking to see if you are attractive. Girls don’t have to test Brad Pitt – “Hmm I don’t know if this guy is good enough material for me to hook up with.”
When you get better, you convey your value and show that you are rooted in your own reality – so the girl has no need to test you. Being Reactive Have you ever known anyone that who got insulted became obsessed with the person who insulted them or become obsessed with the insult? If you get an insult, and the person insulting you was high in your RAS, that insult will be focused on. If that person throws an insult, but they were not in the focus of your RAS, you will not even recognize it. When someone is reacting too strongly to criticisms of others, they are giving their power away. What does it mean? *Putting on a front *Justifying or qualifying yourself *Trying to think of what to say to make someone like you *Worrying about their opinions *Feeling emotional about whether or not they’ll hang out with you IF you have those behaviors, it is a strong sign that the person is in the front of your reality. This communicates:
“I don’t value my own faculties highly enough to take my own opinion of myself over somebody else’s. I need other people to believe what I believe to make it real. I value other people’s opinions more highly than I value my own. You need to see the world through your own eyes – you need to trust your opinion of yourself. This has a strong correlation with creativity. If you are an artist and working on a piece of music but worrying about other people’s opinions, you are not seeing things through your own eyes. Warning: You don’t want to be so stuck in your own reality that you are too rigid and cannot accept feedback and become too strong headed. SOCIAL PINGING Most Unwavering Certainty/Least Emotional Reaction -Tend to have the most dominant reality People’s concept of reality is very subjective and always up for grabs. Most people tend to be very uncertain of their reality. When you have more certainty and little emotional reaction, they will tend to look to you.
Example: Picture an emergency happening and everyone is flustered and in a state of panic. Someone will step up and take control, and everyone is drawn into that certainty in the situation (like Jack from the show Lost). Bringing People Into Your Reality If you believe whatever limitation you have is a shortcoming, it is. If you don’t believe it is a big deal, then it is not! Think about any shortcoming you have…whether it is a big deal or not is up to you. Your reality: “I’m a worthwhile guy, I have a lot going for myself, and I’m totally comfortable and happy with my looks, I’m totally happy and comfortable with my lifestyle, I have an abundance of women that want to be in my life.” AND if you are so convinced of it that you do not show the slightest reaction to anything else, then people are drawn into that reality. Think of a woman as an explorer and guys are islands. Girls tend to go on voyages into different guys realities. Most guys have it backwards. Most guys are trying to do what women do. When you take a woman out, you are inviting her into your reality, not vice-versa.
Most guys think “what would the woman like?” “I know! Take her on a date and give her everything she wants!” – effective? No? A good date is taking a girl out shopping for you. Or if you need groceries, take a girl with you. You are literally inviting a girl into your world – inviting her into your reality. Girls are going to go to the most exciting, compelling, and emotionally stimulating reality. Any way you can invite a girl into your world without having to put pressure on her is exciting for a girl. When you bring a girl into your reality, you are doing it the right way. When you are approaching a girl in a state of anxiety, you are saying “could you please dictate my reality. Could you please affirm that I am cool by laughing at my jokes?” You can do that, but everything manly about you is being handed away. This is why just talking about whatever is on your mind when you meet a girl is so awesome. It is 100x more exciting than asking question after question.
Ultimately, the girl wants that interesting experience. The 4 Pillars of a Strong Reality Think of the strength of your reality as a muscle – it grows every year of your life if you are living in the right way. SIGNS of a weak reality: *If you are teased, you feel affected *If someone flakes out, you are upset (because it affects your own sense of self, not because they violate your own personal boundaries) - Personally, I won’t tolerate flaking. I understand that things come up, but if it continues too long, I get tired of waiting on a girl and move on. The more centered you get in your own reality, the stronger that muscle gets to have influence. *How strong your beliefs are *How strongly your beliefs influence people to think and act in a way you expect *How little your beliefs depend on the people around you to reinforce them 1st Pillar: “Who you are” - Your status - What you deserve out of life - Your sense of identity 2nd Pillar: “Your values”
- Your sense of humor - Your taste in opinions When you know who you are and you get blown off, you stay unreactive. When you know what you value and you are speaking with a girl, you are not going to be intimidated by the superficial standards she is living up to. If you see a beautiful girl and your system of values is based on social conditioning, a beautiful girl is going to have it all. You will be intimidated. As a man rooted in your own reality, you cannot be intimidated by superficial values. The guys that are really good with women realize that they are human. There are 2 levels of attraction: As a chode, women are attractive in a goddess-like way. When you actually get success with women and start dating really attractive women, you realize that women are human beings. She may be needy or crazy! She no longer seems like a goddess. You will come to a place where women will become attractive again, but on a different level – you will become attracted to depth. When you have your own sense of values, you will not rely
on superficial standards. Women will become even far more attractive because you are getting that “vibe” or “energy” off of her. You will realize that she is so awesome or cool and it gets you excited. Knowing your own values allows that, and it also creates the dynamic of who is trying to impress and who is screening. You will be naturally screening – you will not be trying to impress a woman. Being a naturally screening human being makes other people want to live up to your standards – much more attractive 3rd Pillar: “Personal boundaries” When someone steps over your personal boundaries, you don’t allow it. You have a strong sense of what is acceptable in your reality, and what is not acceptable. If a woman can see you have no personal boundaries, she knows that she has free range over you and so does everyone else. A woman doesn’t want to have to be the man in the relationship. If a woman has to “be the man,” she cannot surrender. My Personal Boundaries: *Valuing my time - If I am with a girl, I expect her full attention. If she starts texting or stops contributing to the
conversation, I’ll either call her out or lose interest *Flaking - I mentioned earlier that I don’t tolerate flaking. I’m extremely busy, so I don’t get upset when a girl bails on me, but if it repeatedly happens, I’m going to move on – I value my time. You can always meet up in the future when you both have more time – abundance mindset! *Honesty - I value honesty and authenticity. If a girl lies to me or speaks to me inauthentically, I will not be able to take her seriously. The list goes on, but those are some examples. “You are the CEO of your own life. You hire and fire at your own choosing.” This illustrates the point well (though it sounds very win/lose – but in reality, everyone enjoys being around someone who is centered and has boundaries). By establishing personal boundaries, you avoid a lot of confrontation. People get that vibe from you that you will not tolerate bullshit. The Flaking Dilemma: If a girl flakes on you, do you draw the boundary on her and say “no, that is not acceptable,” or do you play it cool and just say “yeah, that’s cool, don’t worry about it.”
If you are too tolerant to flaking, girls will do it over and over, but if you stand up too hard, then it’s off. This is a case by case basis. Ideally, you’ll be busy enough that getting flaked doesn’t matter anyway. 4th Pillar: “How you expect people to act around you” You have to know how you except people to act around you. If a girl isn’t acting the way you want, call her out on it. You should expect people to be fun and offer value. If you take a girl out and don’t expect her to offer mutual value in return, most of the time, she isn’t going to. You don’t have to verbalize “do you know what you want or not?” It’s not even about verbalizing it; the point is you date girls that know what they want. If a girl goes for you, you aren’t thinking badly of her – we appreciate decisive women. A lot of guys are so judgmental of girls, that a girl decides she is going to make him take her out for 3 months before they hook up. We’re all big boys – we know girls have had sex before.
How do you impose the reality of expecting people to be fun around you? If a girl is talking to you and being fun, continue to engage her and offer value. If she stops offering value and stops being fun, then don’t continue to “entertain” her by offering value. If a girl says something that is interesting, then you respond. If she says something that is uninteresting or negative, then you don’t respond to it. If you want people to act authentically around you, don’t judge them and see them as human beings. Think of yourself as an oak tree and a woman as a squirrel – you’re centered and on your path and she has the freedom to run around. Strengthen Your Reality Just like a muscle, your reality is strengthened by being broken down repeatedly. Challenge your reality – putting yourself in situations where your reality could break down strengthens it. Living on your edge: A man always has to be leaning into his fears. You always want to push your capabilities. Every year you are getting older, you want
to be growing. As you age as a man, every year that goes by, your reality is getting stronger if you are leaning into your fears and potential. Every effect in this world compounds. If you don’t brush your teeth, you won’t have a cavity the next night, but over time it will develop. When you live as a chode, your chodeliness increases. A chode at 35 will tend to be a greater chode at 45 and 55. If you look to other individuals to tell you how to live, you are losing your calibration. Anyone can pull a girl into their reality as long as you are happy and at home in your reality. As you age, why does your reality get stronger? – you go through more bullshit. The older you are, the more bullshit you have seen. Everyone has their own story. We’ve all had tough times. BUT those tough times shaped us and made us who we are today. Most of us would not want to change what we’ve been through. Once you piece it together that going through difficult experiences is what makes you stronger, you can get addicted to pain – this is when the means becomes the end.
We have a core essence, and the experiences that we go through help strip away the layers and bring us closer to our core. Some people grow up in situations that are very conducive to building a strong reality. Guys who get laid at a young age are more relaxed around women. They grow up with that easiness. Think of Vincent Chase from Entourage. Most people try to run away from the experiences that bring us closer to our core. When you think about guys that are good looking, it is very common that they are successful with women, because in their minds their concept of reality is “I’m good looking, so women will like me.” A kid that has growing up exceptionally bright, good looking, or well off is going to have that natural sense of entitlement to approach women and have success. What if you didn’t get that? YOU GO AND GET IT! And that comes through experiences – through strengthening your reality. When you ask most guys if they had a good night and they had a lot of validation from women, they will say they had a good night.
Don’t put this value judgment on your nights out. Any night out where you accumulate reference experiences is a good night. Learn to laugh at yourself – everyone can do this. Think of yourself in your most egotistical grandiose image – now laugh at it! You need to learn how to do that. That big pimp image that you cling too – it’s fine to think that – but you have to learn to laugh at that and let it go. When you get approach anxiety, it is from fear to challenge that reality. Let go of trying to control what people think of you. Express your personality freely without thinking about that you have something to lose. As you go through more experiences, you get more selfknowledge in terms of what you’re capable of. Anytime something difficult happens to you, ask yourself “where is the lesson gained in this experience?” Going out is about: 1. Getting social calibration
2. You learn from trial by fire to stop seeking the self in other people’s opinions Coming Into Your Power What this really means is that you are coming into your power as a man. You have made the distinctions about the world that you needed to make to feel at home in the world. There are 2 layers to this: *Internal Distinctions *External Distinctions -When you bring a girl home, you don’t say “let’s go home and fuck right now,” or “would you be in the mood to go home and end our night out in sex?” *This is an example of social conditioning. Women don’t want to be perceived as a slut. Internal distinctions that we’ve made about ourselves: *Not being stuck in your head *Not sheltering yourself to existing assumptions and beliefs *Being in the moment *Being rooted in yourself *Being dynamic When you go into a new environment and you don’t have all of the distinctions, learn the process that it takes to make them.
Learn what thoughts you allow into your head and what you don’t allow into your head. When you age, you learn that fear will not help you. When you have this stuff down, getting or girlfriend or getting laid tonight becomes an afterthought. In a pack of wolves, you have the alpha male – sometimes he is the strongest wolf in the pack, but other times he is just the oldest and most experienced wolf that knows how to exert the least amount of effort and run circles around the younger wolves. As you age, you may not have the sharpness of a younger person, but you will have a total level of control. On a day-to-day basis, ask yourself if you are moving towards a place of higher being or towards being a chode. MASCULINE POLARITY A very attractive woman is going to respond well to a guy with a strong reality. Most women don’t have a very strong reality, but compared to a chode on the street, her reality is devastatingly strong. Right now, you may be in a mindset where speaking to an attractive woman feels like you are being drawn into her reality.
Masculine polarity – your grounding amidst the emotional chaos, the magnet that draws women towards you in the form of your deepest self-esteem, a total trust in your faculties and your ability to determine reality. Examples: *Acting only through your own intentions *Being entirely uncontrollable and above manipulation *Dictating the reality around you rather than being affected by it *Being in the moment and walking through the world with ease *Having absolutely no intimidation of the girl or the world whatsoever *Tapping into the energy inside you, not around you, as a source of your mood *Feeling no spikes or lulls of self-esteem from any girl’s responses to you – you may gain or lose attraction, but it doesn’t affect your sense of who you are What does acting through your own intentions mean? Doing what you want when you want. Have FUN!!! You are taping to the energy inside of you, not the energy around you. There is something very masculine about the “I see something I want and take it” attitude. There is an amazing vibe you can feel when you are doing what you want to do – you aren’t walking around value scanning, you are simply doing what you want to do. When you are acting through your own intentions, it is like a giant light bulb around a
group of moths – you are the donut rolling down the street in Ethiopia. Watch the show Entourage. When they are walking around, they are having their own fun and everyone around is spectating. They create their own fun.
Decoding the Blueprint: Part VI Entering State Sometimes your mind may try to block you from entering state. How do we get out of that? First, realize that you are not your mind. You have the ability to take control! You have the instruction manual in your mind on how to be a pimp. Tyler provides a great example of how your mind will not give you the “instruction manual” by relating a story of flying a plane with your friend who has the manual but won’t give it to you because he doesn’t want you to fly the plane… In the metaphoric story, you start flying the plane (keep pushing yourself) even though your friend (your mind) won’t give you the manual…until eventually, he caves and gives it to you – just like
your mind! Look, you know how to talk, you know how to be confident, all of those little mannerisms you’ve picked up either consciously or unconsciously in your life. Think of doing math homework from class. When you hit the first question, it takes you a few minutes to get the problem figured out. You procrastinate on the problem and take a while to finish it. After doing a few problems, you access that “math mode” in your brain and start cranking out the problems faster and easier. Once you are past approach anxiety, you might still get in the moods where you don’t want to go approach a group of girls. Example You are sitting with your buddies at a bar having a good time and there are some girls you want to go talk to. BUT you are having a very logical conversation with your friends. Your mind hasn’t accessed that part of your brain that makes you most successful with women, so you have to snap out of that logical state of thinking. It’s no different than when you are sitting watching television and you don’t want to get up and work on higher priorities. When you are out in the bar and you see some cute girls that you want to go talk to, and you haven’t started getting social yet, you need to go in and talk anyway. Even if you have no idea what you are going to say, just walk up and start talking. It may be awkward, and that is fine. Some people call it “warm up sets.”
Most guys go talk to the first girl, they get blown off, then they go back to their buddies and procrastinate on approaching other girls. If it blows up, you need to just keep approaching different people until something snaps – you don’t want to sit their procrastinating and get stuck inside your head. You can’t sit there and hope something happens, you have to make it happen. You have to be the obnoxious guy to your mind until it gives you the “manual.” You have to be persistent! How do you go swimming in the ocean? You fucking run and jump in. You don’t wade your way into the cold water, you just suck it up and jump in. Conflicting Realities Everyone has their own sense of reality. Women have a simultaneously strong and weak reality. Example Think of an extremely attractive model. She knows she is a beautiful girl, but she is also taking extreme criticisms like “your left toe has a freckle on it” or “you have an improperly placed nostril.” She is competing with other beautiful girls.
Girls tend to have both a very strong sense of reality, but at the same time that reality can crumble very quickly. As a guy, when you’re speaking to an attractive woman, it can seem like she is very centered and strong in her own reality. As time goes on, you realize most people who haven’t studied self-actualization are not that centered in their own reality. The reason is they have unconscious competence – they don’t know how they are doing it. They feel centered most of the time, but when they fall off their center, they don’t recognize the behaviors and know what is going on, so they start to react. What are the differences in behaviors between guys and girls? As a man, when you have a strong polarity, a woman standing by you will feel that vibe you give off. Have you ever been speaking with a girl who isn’t the most physically attractive, but you are still entranced and you don’t know why? Likewise, have you ever been speaking with a girl that is dropdead gorgeous, but you feel nothing? You almost feel like you’d be cheapening yourself if you hooked up with her. This is where polarity comes in. Most girls aren’t looking to offer themselves to any guy, they are looking for guys that are at ease in the world and guys that have
trust in themselves. Women have the capacity to be both stereotypically masculine and stereotypically feminine. It’s hard to picture Hillary Clinton at the bar getting wild with her girlfriends – she has that stereotypically masculine vibe. Even a girl who has that side may want to experience that more feminine side. A woman can’t be free to experience that if she is with a man that has no strength to him. When a guy doesn’t look like he is at ease in the world, the girl can’t feel at ease either. Congruence Tests When we think about a congruence test, realize that girls will do little things to mess with you – they can be really obvious or extremely subtle. When a girl is giving a congruence test, she wants to feel the strength of your reality, and they also want to see if you are capable of asserting yourself as a man. Obvious Congruence Tests *Prodding you to justify yourself *Saying obnoxious things to make you jealous or insecure *Being cranky or throwing tantrums to see if you’ll get sucked into it *Calling you out on your worst features to see if you are insecure about them
*Trying to get you to qualify yourself to her so she can be in the selector role *Accusing you of things -“You’re a jerk!” -“Is that your pickup line?” Subtle Congruence Tests *Who is controlling the rhythm of the conversation? - You can be speaking to a girl and she quickly changes the rhythm of her conversation to match yours The woman wants to feel that you are rooted in your own reality, that you are centered. The key distinction is are you dictating the energy or being affected by it? Man = action Woman = reaction What are most guys doing around an attractive woman? They are reacting! Stay positive, stay upbeat, and act through your own intentions. What does acting through your own intentions mean? Acting through your own intentions is something you come to over years. You are peeling back the layers of programming to get closer to your core. Every year that goes by you will get better at
acting through your own intentions if that is a marker you are striving for. Chaos vs Grounding A man and a woman each have different sides when we think about polarity. Behaviors Women Have (subtle) – Feminine Polarity *Being totally fulfilled and raptured by the energy of the environment - Ever see a group of girls dancing and having fun out of a nightclub - A friend comes up and says hi and they start jumping up and down screaming *A girl’s bedroom - A unicorn poster - Pictures - Teddy bears *Dressing and walking in a way that gets attention - Girls have a certain way of walking and dressing that draws your attention. *Enjoying whatever she is doing and not scanning the room looking for people to meet - Have you ever noticed a really hot girl and how they tend to walk a straight line – they aren’t looking around like the needy guy who is value scanning.
For example, you’re at a restaurant, and a gorgeous girl walks through on her path as everyone else turns their head. A girl who has had that attention for years and years doesn’t react to that attention – and that makes you want her more. Like the cover of Cosmo magazine – girls have that bitch look where they look like they are doing their own thing and it makes you want her more. *Letting the energy of the environment flow through her and dancing on the same spot for hours on end and playing mock bisexual with her friends. - On one level some girls just want to dance – maybe they have a BF and don’t want to dance with other guys Because we are social beings, when we are doing something that our brain tells us has value and gives us status, we’ll tend to stick there. Say a girl is up on the stage dancing with her friends, and she has the attention, the value – she is in the warm end of the pool. That is why a girl can dance in the same spot for 4 hours. When you see a girl dance and you don’t know how, it looks hypnotizing. If you take a dance class, you’ll realize it is pretty straightforward. *Rarely being the one to call, ask out, or reinitiate the
conversation -You can be talking to a girl and the conversation gets split, and the girl won’t reinitiate – maybe she’ll go back to talking to her friends Her unconscious mind has taught her to be the prize. Girls are socially conditioned to not reinitiate the conversation – they create that polarity that draws you toward her again. *Losing interest in sex if she comes out of a happy emotional state -A woman’s unconscious mind has developed a way to put guys in a situation where they always need to keep the woman in a happy state *Only being moved by an energy that is better than the one she is already experiencing - For example, you meet a woman who is having a great time with her friends and you come along and you’re not offering more value to the situation than she is having on her own – of course she isn’t going to be moved by it - The girl will go wherever the social energy is - This is why looks has so little to do with attracting women *Rewarding good behavior with little tastes of physical attention What do all of these behaviors add up to? These behaviors suck the guy in – it gives you a vexing feeling
that if you don’t keep her in a good emotional state and satisfy her needs that she’ll walk away. It gets you in a reactive state – you become emotionally invested and more attached to the outcome. The more that you invest, the more you backwards rationalize that your investment had a good reason and you continue the cycle. What the girl is putting into you is “I’m totally happy on my own.” The energy of the environment is fulfilling her, she doesn’t need the guy for the good emotions. Most guys go down the path of supplication. They try to create polarity by buying the girl things or taking her on a date. A girl wants a guy who is attracted to her, but she wants the game of trying to get your attention. On one level she wants you to be responsive, but not too much. When you are centered, she pulls you out of it, but then you return to being centered, and then she pulls you out of it… What are some things guys can do to exert masculine polarity? *Being at home in the environment When you are out at a club and you don’t feel at home there,
women can sense that. “This is my house, and everyone here is my friend.” When you approach, you have that full expectation that you are already friends. Some guys are able to achieve this by going to the same venue over and over. I happen to frequent a bar on the landing called Morgan Street. If you look at my field reports, you’ll notice that I have better results at that venue. I actually started going to more chill venues in Soulard, and I’ve been having no success there. I know it isn’t the venue’s fault, it is all my own internal beliefs, but the point is I feel so “at home” at Morgan Street because I go there so often. Ideally, you’ll learn to “be at home” wherever you go. *Carrying yourself with total confidence and playful cockiness - Having that swagger The swagger is when you are feeling that vibe in yourself. You have that relaxed feeling inside and on a very subtle level, it is emanating from you. I joke about this with my friend Josh all the time. He literally walks in a manner that looks fucking cool. He doesn’t do it on purpose, it is just that vibe he projects in the way he walks. I’ve started to develop my own swagger. This is especially
apparent when I’m out at Morgan Street (my favorite venue). My wing has a broken leg, so he has to walk exceptionally slow. After going out with him a few times, I naturally walk extremely slow – and it is fucking awesome. *Being the source of grounding energy and asserting that what you have to say is interesting, funny, and worth being heard Even when what you are saying is not objectively funny, it is subjectively funny. People laugh at things you say that in context have no humor, but the way you say it is funny. *Leading the conversation in whatever direction you want it to go You want to be the anchor of the conversation. Tim likes to call girls out when they get serious in a club and yell: “what are you talking about! We’re in the club.” If the girl is having a conversation with you that you are interested in, you don’t have to change the conversation. You are simply leading the conversation in the direction that you want it. If you are enjoying her conversation, she is speaking for your approval. *Positioning yourself as already chosen by every girl in the environment, and you are choosing the girl that you like When a girl walks by that you want to meet, and you pull her in to speak with her, you are not trying to impress her. You are assuming that you are already chosen. It is your house, your party – Tim calls this “being the lord.”
When you pull her in, the unconscious sub-communication is: “now is your chance.” You are communicating: “I see what I want, and I take it.” If you are a guy who takes what you want, a girl will trust you and feel more comfortable with you. This happened to me the other night. I met a girl at the bar and brought her home, and she said that she felt so comfortable with me. I led the conversation and her the entire night. When we were leaving, I said: “yo, we’re going to the casino, come on.” I grabbed her hand and took her along. When I was getting ready to head home I said: “come back with us, I want to hang out with you.” She happily obliged because I had already demonstrated that I take what I want. I also project a great comfort vibe with girls easily and naturally. This is especially noticeable when I meet people through my social circle. It is obnoxiously easy for me to hook up with girls through my social circle because I am so natural at projecting a fun and comfortable vibe. I’m so accustomed to being in a high-stimulus night club where girls are getting drunk and dancing that when I meet a girl outside of the club it feels surreal. Carrying yourself as the one who is already chosen makes speaking with a girl you want to meet completely natural. It is needy if you are giving your power away, but when you aren’t it is extremely effective.
This is so effective and easy that you can easily develop an ego around this, and then it won’t be effective. Tyler talks about this for a bit in the Blueprint. Tyler learned how to be the selector. About a month in, Tyler got to the point where he was just doing it to prove his new theory, and he wasn’t going in to be the selector, he was going in to get validation – validation for the technique, not for himself. That is why having the identity of being a “pick-up artist” is so self-destructive. The only guy in the world that wants validation from a girl he isn’t even remotely attracted to is a “pick-up artist.” When you as a man have a lot of polarity, a woman feels that you will do whatever you want because you are the chooser. Because of this, she understands that you can walk away and get another girl. These behaviors make the girl feel protected and have fun while in your presence, but she also feels challenged by the fact that you are so indifferent to social constraints that if she doesn’t hold your attention you might stray. Women want to experience a range of emotions. How many emotions do guys want to experience? What is the sweet spot? – happy, chill, some adrenaline, and getting off…
- If you could maintain that sweet spot how happy would you be? Haha Men are limited to a smaller range of emotions. Drawing State Why is it that when we have masculine polarity we must draw state from ourselves, but a woman draws state from the environment? The environment is always changing, and a woman can draw state off the environment because she wants to experience a full range of emotions. As a man, you can get pissed off, angry, annoyed, or unhappy when you are drawing state from the environment. You can enjoy the environment, but you don’t have the luxury of drawing state from the environment. What does it mean to draw state within yourself? We have been taught to always look at the surface of things. BUT the truth is we can feel good inside ourselves at any point – it is a decision everyone can make. Once you realize that state is self-generated, a lot of your motivations completely change. That little realization changes everything. Rather than trying to draw state from the environment, you realize that you can draw state from within yourself.
What are some ways to change your state? In a night club there is crazy stimulation constantly bombarding you. When you can slow it down, you think of how you fit in within the environment, and you are more connected to that higher self – you see the depth in things. The congruence tests and nonsense don’t affect you as much anymore. When you slow down and relax, you enter a very calm state. You allow the perception to dilate and see more depth. You can look at the floor, the table, or other people and see more depth. Your mind is not scattered anymore. You can feel good within yourself. That doesn’t mean you can’t be high energy, you still can, and should…but you can consciously choose to feel good within yourself. You don’t need to look at the environment to give you instant gratification to feel good. When you are speaking with a woman having a conversation, but you are seeing the depth, you are accessing that higher self, and you are connected to your masculine power. You are naturally relaxed and your rhythm flows. When you are experiencing consciousness, everything is smooth
and you are in the moment. When you are focused on the “petty little me,” you are being selfconscious. Try yelling really loud and change your physiology. I like Tim’s method of yelling “woo!” really loud. You can jump up and down and get excited too. When you are having a great night, you are not “the doer,” everything is just “happening through you.” You can pump your own state at will – you can choose to feel good. Allow yourself to slow down and stop worrying about petty little bullshit and just be aware of what is going on around you. You can go into club and pump yourself up. Go into the club and yell! Jump up and down, clap your hands, do whatever you want! It is so easy to change your state and make yourself feel good. You won’t find that energy to draw state by feeding off other people’s reactions. You have to draw it from within yourself. You cannot be the source of grounding energy when you are trying to draw state off the environment. It is fine to enjoy the environment – if you love the music, great! – but it cannot be your primary source of where you draw state.
Many people chase high status people because they are trying to draw state off of them. When you get to a point where you can draw state from within easily, you can walk up to a drop dead gorgeous woman and be completely relaxed and naturally screening. When you transcend that desperate need, that is when you start getting the gorgeous and amazing girls. When you experience the depth of a woman you are talking to, superficial looks become less important and ironically, you’ll have much greater success with gorgeous women without effort. Most guys are trying to draw state from a girl’s reactions – they are reaction seeking, they are being outcome dependent. If you are in the habit of trying to draw state of the environment, it won’t be natural to walk up to a girl and try to draw state from within. You can consciously force yourself to do this, but it isn’t ideal. You want to always be drawing state from within yourself. “How you do anything is how you do everything.” How does this relate to sex? If you have a relationship, you cannot be drawing state from the same girl if you are having sex frequently. Sex is an outpouring of
energy – it is the most pure form of offering value. Remember when you first had sex with a girl that wanted to be slapped, choked, or spanked – and you were like – uhh…ok and you were like wtf? Haha Some girls want their hair pulled – they want to be roughed around. Girls want that good sex and want you to meet their needs. Why is that? Women draw state from their environment. They want to experience a wide range of emotions, they want that passion. Sex is a huge expression of a wide range of emotions for women. Using Tactics/Routines This is where using tactics becomes an issue. When you rely on tactics, you are seeking an outcome and relying on the woman’s reaction to boost your internal state. You are walking on eggshells. If you don’t get the reaction you are seeking, you’ll lost state immediately and go into a downward spiral. When a girl is giving you congruence tests, she is testing you to see if you are holding your state. At some point in the interaction, a girl will fully withdraw any indicators of interest so there is no conceivable way that if you are drawing state from your environment you’ll maintain that state.
Maybe she goes to the bathroom…if you are relying on her reaction for your internal state, you’ll immediately lose it and get inside your head. As soon as you are affected by this, you lose. The best guys don’t read indicators of interest. If you don’t notice them, you won’t be reactive. It isn’t something you want to focus on! Button Pushing #1 Button Pushing Method In order to achieve polarity, most guys entertain the girl by talking about topics she likes so she will feel drawn towards you. When you say something like: “you and I will not get along,” a girl is immediately going to reciprocate with: “yes we would!” and she’ll start validating you by touching you, etc… #2 Button Pushing Method Disrupting her reality. She will want to reassert her reality by getting you to respond to her in a way you want. These “button pushing” methods aren’t necessarily bad, but you can’t rely on them. It is fun to do this stuff once in a while, but you can’t be reactive to it. You can’t draw state by seeking reactions. 30 Second Make-out
If you want to get an instant make-out with a complete stranger in the club, all you have to do is disrupt her reality. Tyler gives examples in the blueprint, but I’m not going to touch on that. It is a cool thing to know how to do, but it is completely pointless as far as growth is concerned. The button push is a thrill, and when you learn how to do it, you feel like you are an attractive guy. I mean, how many of your friends can get a make-out in 30 seconds? How many of your friends can approach a random girl and make her laugh? Now, this is cool and all, but in the end, there is no point in looking like a total pimp if you are going home alone. If you button push a girl and shatter her reality, but then you validate her by making out, she is going to walk away immediately. This seems shocking at first, but when you look into it and understand what is going on, it makes perfect sense – her reality crumbles, you re-validate her, and she is ready to go on with her night. This is why “button pushing” will not help you out when meeting women. You can play the “hard to get” style, but you have to follow it all the way from the start to the end. It is like walking a tightrope. You can make it happen, but that is the “high wire act of the decade.” You can make it work, but you are playing a tightrope act. If you make one little mistake, she will just leave.
It isn’t the girls fault, you are the cause of it. When you are relying on button push after button push, you are creating masculine polarity in the wrong way. The second you fail to get the right reaction out of the woman, you lose her immediately. When you have that polarity, a different set of rules apply to you. You can ask rapport seeking questions right off the bat. What you are doing on the surface can be generic, but the depth is completely different.
Decoding the Blueprint: Part VII I finally got my ass in gear and wrote this up. I should finish up this series within the next two weeks! Definition of Proactive - a series of habits that you go through in your day to day existence that when they come together they handle your problems automatically Definition of Reactive - a short-sided emotional response to a larger problem Proactive Social Strategy People like authenticity...when speaking with someone, you shouldn’t change who you are to accommodate them…you’re being yourself – not giving a fuck what people think of you.
Of course, most people will like you for being authentic…but some people will not (Read: haters). You are making the choice to be authentic and letting the chips fall where they may. You also realize that just in doing that will solve 95% of your social situations automatically. Reactive Social Strategy You modify and adapt yourself for every type of situation. You are constantly trying to react to a girl’s standards. If you are trying to live up to the superficial standards of society, it does more harm than good – you are in a mode of reaction...it is better to live up to your own standards! Which social strategy do you think is better...? DURR Acting Through Your Own Intentions It is like a magnet that draws the girl closer to you. Man = action Woman = reaction We talk about acting through your own intentions all the time on RSD...what does this mean? Do shit because YOU want to do it -- not because your mom, society, your girlfriend, or some hot chick wants you to. Live the life of your design -- be the man you are meant to be.
What is thinking? Is thinking going into your mind and recalling past events? Projecting into the future? Those split second actions where everything is happening through you? More importantly, how is this applicable? Knowledge If you don’t understand that this works, you’ll never try it. If you walk up to a woman is it best to think about what you’re going to say as you approach? NO…you want to have NOTHING on your mind, you just want to be feeling good. There is no need for preparation. You don’t have to say the perfect thing…lower your standards of what you find interesting to talk about. You can’t run out of things to say…you have many years of experiences to talk about. “What you have to say is valuable, purely because it is coming from you.” “What you have to say is interesting, not because of the content, but because she is interested in what you find interesting.” It is all about having passion. Ozzie stresses this in his phenomenal book The Physical Game.
I love wakeboarding...I lived at a lake this past summer, and when I go out and this pops into my mind, I get excited and start talking about wakeboarding over the summer and living at the lake. I also love guitar! If I get on the topic of music, I’ll talk to girls about what songs I love to play. When you are speaking from your core and talking about what YOU find interesting, the girl senses that. You’ll notice that girls will listen attentively when you’re speaking authentically about what you love. None of that 20 questions bullshit that bores her to tears! The only thing that should be in your mind when you’re walking up to a girl is “I want to see if this girl is cool…or I want to ask her this question…” Intent = clarity in your thoughts, words, and actions All that you should be thinking is what your intent is. Are you asking her for directions? Then go in and fucking ask for directions. If you’re interested in meeting her, you shouldn’t be thinking “I’m going to pretend I’m lost so I have an excuse to talk to her!” DURRRR When you approach a woman and aren’t thinking a step ahead, and have that good feeling in your body, she can sense it. Logic/thinking is our greatest asset as a human being…but in
meeting women, it is your greatest hindrance. Think of this as a child-like attitude. You see what you want, and you take it – it is playful…like a cute kid taking a cookie. The ego has to be REMOVED. You can’t be doing this for validation…it is about getting THE GIRL…getting LAID…or even more simply HAVING FUN. What do most guys do when talking with a girl…? They are thinking of what to say next…this IS NOT helping you! When you are talking to a woman you are attracted to, listen to what she is saying, and don’t judge, label, interpret, or compare the words you are hearing. There is no real authentic communication going on when you are not listening with what she is saying. If you want to build intense chemistry, you have to see the depth in the woman. Your entire cognitive model of judgments, comparisons, and labels is a structure that prevents you from facing reality for what it really is. Rather than constantly labeling and comparing things, see your surroundings for what they are, face reality head on.
TRUST As a grown man, you are responsible for yourself. Your main responsibility is holding your awareness where it counts. Most people are playing out imaginary movies in their mind about past events or future scenarios. Many people won’t allow themselves to be happy NOW. Future projecting is one of the most useless places where you can hold your awareness. Most people obsess about the future – they aren’t thinking through their own intentions, they are compulsively thinking about it…they are trying to mentally escape their present reality. Everything in the present moment is fine. Anxiety comes when you project future thoughts…for example, you see a girl standing next to some big dude, and immediately assume that is her boyfriend. In life when things go wrong, we get upset…but no one is coming to help you – you’re grown up now. If you want to be a LEADER, you have to learn to be in the moment and not resist when things go wrong. Great Example from Owen: Imagine yourself flying in a plane that has an autopilot system that can land itself completely fine. All you need to do is lay back and allow yourself to land…you’re not forcing yourself to land, you are
just allowing yourself to land. Now imagine that you start projecting into the future and imagine yourself crashing…you start taking the controls of the plane and jerking at them, trying to control it – known as getting in your own way. That is where many guys are stuck – they are getting in their own way. Don’t allow your awareness to go into stupid future projections – “What if she doesn’t like me?” -- what if she DOES like you...? You won't know until you go find out for yourself! What does it mean to be fully present? 1. Your focus is on the moment that you are in 2. Your faculties are not being spread too thin by focusing on past or future events 3. You melt into the moment, rather than struggling against it…and you have full trust in your faculties as issues come up There are always forces tugging at your awareness…it tugs at your peace. The strength of your presence can be thought of as a muscle. How much strength does your presence have? Forces like frustration and fear are essentially diseases that creep into you and take over.
How many of your thoughts are uselessly and repetitively forcing you from staying in the moment? Being present means being able to take things as they come Your faculties can only give you the actions that you need where you awareness is. You want your faculties FOCUSED on the present moment. There is no need to reference yourself based on past events. If you lost all of your memory, would anything that happened in the past affect you? We learn from past events…but you must learn to trust in your faculties to carry you forward as the moment unfolds. You experience life more vividly because you’re free of all the distracting, useless noise that slows you down. At its peak, it is a take things as they come type attitude that flows from a total trust in your faculties where you’ve come into equilibrium with the world, and no matter what happens, you know your mind will be presented with the right course of action WHEN YOU NEED IT. Trust in yourself is KEY…if you trust yourself to come up with the right words in the moment, you won’t be getting in your own way. You don’t just believe the right thing to say will be there, you understand it.
Focusing on the outcome Many guys are so focused on the outcome that they can’t have any fun in the nightclub. The moment is not good enough the way it is, and they try to force getting into state…it is a downward spiral. BUT at the same time, if you have NO OUTCOME, you may get lost in having fun and a month later you haven’t had a makeout or phone number. There is balance here...and it is common sense. You want to have a vision, you want to have goals…BUT you can’t be focusing on them while you are out in the club, or you won’t be able to enjoy the moment. There is a time and place to analyze your night...but it isn't in the fucking club! Why are debriefs after the night out on bootcamp...? The instructors don't want to get you in a LOGICAL state of mind in the club or even before going out -remember, this is about EMOTIONS. Is going out fun or painful? When you go out and offer value, you’ll have much more fun than being a value taker and getting what you want. You are not your life situation. Improving your life situation is a great pursuit, but don’t identify with your life situation. Walking Through the World with Ease
Core confidence, having a strong reality, acting through your own intentions, masculine polarity, being present...When you take all of those concepts and put them into one expression, you get walking through the world with ease. You are moving with the current of the world, not against it. Move through the world understanding that you are a part of the whole – you are not above or below… You don’t attach your identity to your means – you can have just as much fun at an upscale party that you can at a cheap dive bar. Where other people are stuck and thrown off, your mind is focused on what is in front of you. When a woman is with a guy who walks through the world with ease, she feels completely secure to be her most feminine self and enjoy the moment. She’ll feel like she is walking on fucking clouds with you. Being successful with women becomes a natural consequence based off the way you live your life. Having these qualities allows you to be selfforgetting…conscious, not self-conscious. It allows you to be spontaneous, and makes people look to you as a source of grounding energy. Most guys try to walk through the world with ease by surrounding themselves with superficial possessions.
The problem is most guys don’t walk through the world with ease…the world is a heavy place for them. They sit there in their wilted state…then they see the girl they want to talk to… This is NOT a technique…it is about being, not doing. For most guys there is a glass wall between you and your success. Whether it is success with women, health, finances, etc… Your reality gives you a sense of bearings because it makes your world make sense. Whether you are living in an empowering or disempowering reality, you are getting something out of that reality. Success barrier – you think you want success, but your mind has put up blocks to stop you from getting it The further that you push beyond your previous concept of where you should be, the more anxiety you will feel. Most people are not willing to push through that anxiety…most people will never become successful. They have so much fear of having their reality fucked with, that they won’t even deal with it. Guys talk about having success with women ALL DAY…but when it comes down to taking action, they don’t step up. Have you ever tried introducing a friend to RSD?
I remember my freshman year of college, my roommate would notice me watching the RSD DVDs, and he’d always say “you don’t need that shit man…that shit is for weird guys…” He didn’t look into it, he never questioned his skills with women…he only shot down my interest in studying social dynamics. It was forcing him to challenge his beliefs on how good he is with women...and his EGO did not like that. As far as your mind is concerned, if your reality has kept you alive this long, it is easier to maintain this reality than to attempt to understand a more complex view of reality. What are the ramifications of a new reality? 1. The doubts that you have the mental energy to learn all the new ins and outs 2. The nauseous feeling that you’re going backwards in your understanding of the world 3. An instinct that people might not accept the new you Most people will not develop a new reality even if it is infinitely more beneficial to you. When you decide that your idea of reality may not be what you think it is, that puts you into disarray. Your social status goes down…that is where that mechanism has evolved – we instinctively grip onto our current reality because we want to appear to have a strong sense of certainty
P.S. Just so you know if you haven't seen the Blueprint Decoded (which you should watch immediately), I am only grabbing information out of the program that I deem relevent to my development (in other words, if you haven't watched the program, you're missing a lot of material). Also, a lot of this is verbatim from Owen, so don't give me too much credit . RSD is having a holiday sale on DVD programs -- the Blueprint is worth its weight in gold...and it is about 20 f'ing DVDs.
Part 8 Two Ways of Having A Strong Reality In order to make their reality stronger, many people link up one belief to another belief. “If this is true, this MUST be true.” We are continually seeking validation of our existing beliefs. Most people don’t want to find out that they are wrong – they want to be RIGHT and have that affirmed. Some people are not capable of tolerating ambiguity. When you have a reality that isn’t a web of linked beliefs, you can have a shift in your thinking without threating your ENTIRE reality.
Delusional Confidence Guy A guy with a belief system that he is “God’s gift to women” will throw up blindspots to anything that challenges that belief. If he is getting negative feedback from the girl, he doesn’t recognize that and holds state. He has the dominant reality and sucks the girl in. Feedback Junkie Guys with a very weak reality have NO blindspots – they are social feedback junkies. They see reactions and are addicted to getting good reactions. The “Third” Guy He can see the social feedback, but he doesn’t SEEK REACTIONS from other people.
Altering Perception To Preserve the Map You have to learn to handle paradoxical realities. On one level we can look at something like the Selfish Gene – an evolutionary perspective of “getting yours” or “getting ahead” and also see ourselves in others. We don’t have to connect our beliefs for them to make sense. The map is not the territory…every concept of reality we have is JUST A CONCEPT. It is limited in its ability to give you a knowledge of what you are looking at. When you go out, you see SO MUCH that validates evolutionary theory.
If you haven’t developed your mind, it is a LAZY mind – it is trying to conserve energy. You have to force your mind to work through the complexities of a new set of beliefs. Even if your life sucks, your mind doesn’t care. If you hate your life you aren’t going to die! We are already living in a reality where we are getting by – you may not be thriving, but your mind doesn’t care. Haters Someone who is unhappy with their level of success and they see someone doing better and bash it. A hater comes up with good rationalizations of little things he focuses on and blows them out of proportion and makes a belief set out of it. Your mind does not want you to get high status. To experience deep identity level change requires a serious expenditure of energy.
Focusing On the Negative People remember the approaches that match their existing reality. If your map of reality is “I’m a chode,” you’re going to remember all of the BAD approaches you did.
If you have an empowering reality, you will focus on the POSITIVE. Focusing on the negative gets you inside your head. See the best in yourself and see the best in other people. When you see the best in other people you assume people are seeing the best in you.
Success Barriers We all have a fear of our own success. We have certain bearings of how the world works, and when we move beyond them, we are forced to think more and learn the ins and outs of a new lifestyle. Are success barriers bad? Why would our mind have success barriers if they are bad? Our mind is trying to protect us from things it believes we can’t handle. Think of our president – how much criticism does he take? How would you feel if there were entire channels of people ripping on you? People are imitating you for a living! Moving past the ego based stuff, you are responsible for the ENTIRE country. Can you imagine what it would be like to be THAT high status? When you are in any position of high status, your world is going to go into disarray.
Many of the concepts from the Blueprint allow you to center yourself to be in that type of position with ease. We all say we want that “perfect 10,” but are you on a level where you can emotionally handle that? If you are nervous about calling her or dating her, you aren’t even emotionally capable of dating her – but you should try anyway! Go out, make mistakes, and learn lessons. You should always be putting yourself in a position where mistakes could occur. Even with all of these unconscious barriers in place, guys get into success with women and think that they’ll be “fixed” overnight. How do you get good with these concepts? By learning about these concepts, the seed has been planted. You will go out and mess something up, but then you’ll realize that your behavior isn’t helping you. This stuff takes time. Realize that it isn’t about the DESTINATION, it is about the JOURNEY. The journey may be difficult, but it is meant to be enjoyed. Anticipated Responses An anticipated response is an assumption. Everyone has a certain reality of how they expect to be treated. Your assumptions and anticipated responses are your map of how you expect the world to respond to you. Whether a person of your status can expect to be treated badly or
well Whether people are generally trustworthy or manipulative Whether there is an abundance or scarcity of people in the world who could like you This is the core of what natural game is. Who are you in your reality? Do you like yourself? Would you hang out with somebody like yourself? If you saw a guy that looked like you with a really attractive girl would you think “of course he is with her”? Do you believe that a girl can like you just for being you? For example, you are having dinner with a friend who doesn’t believe you are going to like him for being him. You’ll just be trying to chill and the guy will be talking nonstop trying to show good things about himself. He will want to show you all of the cool stuff he has done. There is a difference between sharing cool things about your life as vibing versus when a person has that feeling of lack inside and that person needs you to know those things about him. When you become high status, you may feel an urge to show people things about yourself so they can see how high status you are – you are seeking approval. You cannot be at ease until everyone knows how high status you are.
This is why when a guy walks up to a girl and doesn’t anticipate a girl liking him just for him he is inside his head trying to convey “high status” qualities. He is seeking approval from the girl. People are always doing things to cause their anticipated responses to come true.
Who is it easier to approach – a highly attractive girl or a girl that isn’t very attractive? You’d think if you talk to the less attractive girl that she’ll be appreciative to talk to an attractive guy. When you approach a girl that doesn’t perceive herself to be attractive, she often thinks you are toying with her and thinks you have an agenda. People who are insecure always have to verbalize that they “know the deal.” Have you ever had girls say “is that a pick-up line?” She has to verbalize it to qualify herself on a subtle level. Sexual Fronts Why do you think girls say they want to be respected? They put up these fronts and walls for US because guys are stupid. “Uhhh…if she had sex quickly she is clearly not a quality girl…” Guys are stupidly judgmental, so girls put those fronts on instead
of doing what they want. The best guys don’t judge whatsoever. They get it…and the woman can feel at ease to have fun around you. Nearly every girl I’ve had sex with loves to have her hair pulled, be called a fucking dirty slut, be spanked, choked, and DOMINATED. Girls love that shit – but they can’t express their sexual desires in public – they’d be judged and labeled a slut. Our society sucks. Read Owen’s “secret society” thread. People are always trying to maintain their reality, they are always trying to make their world make sense. People look through a lens to experience reality – remove the fucking lens and experience reality head on. Self-fulfilling Prophecy Definition: Due to the strength of your beliefs, the reality stored up in your head becomes the reality of your actual life. Your mind is always seeking out evidence to reinforce your existing beliefs. When a guy thinks his girlfriend is going to cheat on him all the time, SHE DOES. When your jealous and insecure you are giving your power away. She will rationalize cheating on you because you think she is
cheating anyway. If you don’t think she is going to cheat on you, you don’t get jealous, and you are a challenge. It is important to be completely secure with yourself and the relationship. Brad wrote a great article on his blog about his sense of entitlement and his high level of narcissim: http://www.bradbranson.com/extreme-self-love-the-new-magicpill-to-take-the-stress-out-of-your-life/ Victim Mindset Victims assume people are negative and out to screw them over. If you feel people are untrustworthy by nature, you are going to suck people in to do that. Guys that are really great with women know how to create a selffulfilling prophecy where women love him. He has positive beliefs that suck people into his reality. When you approach a girl and fully believe she is friendly, there is a really high chance she will be super friendly. Many attractive girls realize this and assume people will be friendly to them and supplicate them. This all comes back to your identity. We probably didn’t even formulate our identity. For example, when you were younger if you stepped up and tried
to be a leader and everyone liked you, then your mind thinks “people like me for being a leader,” and you evolve with that belief. Frame Control Controlling the underlying meaning of the reality. Have you ever been tooled while out in a club? When someone calls you a stupid name, there are two ways you can handle it. You can react to it, lose state, and reinforce their reality that they are right. You can also completely not give a fuck, treat it like a joke, and reinforce in the other person’s mind that they were joking. Rather than accepting the fact that he is a dick and it backfired, he will rationalize that he was joking. When you are getting tooled and verbally sparing with a guy, the woman is looking to see who is reacting more. As long as there is no shift in state, you don’t need to win the verbal sparring match. It is the same with congruence tests from women. You don’t have to have the best response…just be unreactive – just allow it. You only acknowledge the reality that YOU WANT. I rarely get tooled in the club...that is my perception anyway. I'm sure I get tooled a lot more than I realize, but that is the point. I don't even recognize it. I just laugh when guys are being silly and
do my own thing. I'm not in the club to FUCK DUDES...why would I waste my time trying to "out-alpha" him or some bullshit along those lines?
