cougar dating.pdf

2

Cougar Dating Secrets

Table of Contents Introduction: Dissecting the May-December Affair ..................................................................... 4 Chapter I: Cougar Dating 101 ......................................................................................................... 6 The Cougar Glossary................................................................................................................... 6 The Birth of the Cougar.............................................................................................................. 6 The Feline Family .........................................................................................................................7 The Divorcee Cougar .............................................................................................................. 8 The Sugar Mamma Cougar ..................................................................................................... 8 The Cheating Cougar .............................................................................................................. 8 Why Prey on Younger Men? ...................................................................................................... 9 How to Date a Cougar ............................................................................................................... 10 A Cub’s Checklist ........................................................................................................................11 Famous Cougar Couples ........................................................................................................... 12 Chapter II: Tips for the Cubs: On Dating Older Women .............................................................. 14 What Lures Younger Men In ..................................................................................................... 16 Confidence ............................................................................................................................. 17 Experience ............................................................................................................................. 17 Independence ........................................................................................................................ 18 Emotional Stability................................................................................................................. 18 Maturity .................................................................................................................................. 18 Experimental .......................................................................................................................... 19 Before Dating A Cougar ........................................................................................................... 20 Know Where to Find Them .................................................................................................. 20 How To Prepare for Them ..................................................................................................... 22 Setting Your Goals .................................................................................................................23 Doing Research ..................................................................................................................... 26

3


Understanding social stigma ................................................................................................ 27 Understanding the difference of cougars from other women.......................................... 30 When It’s Time to Date: Getting around Cougar Town........................................................... 31 The Mating Season ................................................................................................................32 The Prowl .............................................................................................................................. 34 The Cougar and the Cub ....................................................................................................... 36 Overcoming MORE Cougar Stigma ..................................................................................... 38 Advice for the Cub at Heart ..................................................................................................... 40 8 Tips When Dating Older Women: Putting It All Together ............................................... 43 Chapter III: Tips for Cougars: On Dating Younger Men ............................................................. 46 Finding Younger Men ............................................................................................................... 48 Creating an Impression ............................................................................................................ 49 Relationship Tips .......................................................................................................................52 Short Term and Long Term Relationships ...........................................................................52 Keeping Him Interested: Let Him Chase You ...................................................................... 54 Younger Men vs. Older Men .................................................................................................... 55 Dealing with Issues................................................................................................................... 58 Level of Success and Public Scrutiny ....................................................................................... 60 Conclusion ..................................................................................................................................... 61

4


Introduction: Dissecting the May-December Affair Remember, the best place for younger men to date older women is at www.cougar-dating.co.uk

An older woman-younger man relationship defies many norms. What was once viewed as unacceptable and frowned upon by conservatives has successfully claimed its place in society.

With female celebrities flaunting their younger men, it has become a trend that shows no sign of going away. Now, there are even dating websites that cater to younger men looking for older women and vice versa.

Society is slowly warming up to the notion of a May-December relationship. This might be because nowadays, women are ruling the boardroom, making important business decisions, and holding positions which were exclusively held by men before.

Many women now feel empowered to go after what they want, including going after the men they want. After all, they have the skills, experience, and brains to do so.

5


Even if this type of relationship isn’t always perceived positively, it didn’t stop women to make their choices freely and stand up for them. Portraying women as predators, the term “cougar” was born.

Cougar refers to an older woman who is on the prowl for a younger mate. From reality shows to sitcoms, it has become apparent that an increasing number of younger men prefer hooking up with older women.

Thanks to fire starters like Demi Moore and media’s ever-growing portrayal in shows like CougarTown, there’s never been a better time to chase, or be chased by a cougar.

6


Chapter I: Cougar Dating 101 The Cougar Glossary Cougar dating is the latest social and cultural phenomenon that is sweeping the world today. It is the act or the process by which a “cougar” prowls for a “cub”, the scenario ending in the “cub” being taken back to the “cougar’s” lair. Cougar is the term that has been coined to describe a woman in her late 30’s up to mid 50’s who frequent night spots, clubs and other venues associated with the younger generation.

The goal of a cougar is to hook up with a young and strapping male (cub) of about 25 years old or younger. While most cougar-cub hookups happen within the night and ends in the bedroom, some cougarcub pairings have proven the test of time and have blossomed into full-fledged relationships.

The Birth of the Cougar According to lexicographer and online columnist Grant Barret, the term was popularized and cemented into the social psyche and

7


stratosphere by a 2001 book by Valerie Gibson entitled: Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men.

Going back further, the term made its first appearance in a dating site started in 1999 called Cougardate.com. It is as the name implies, a website dedicated to older, more mature women who would like to get connected to younger men. According to an article in the website, the name was inspired when a nephew of one of the two ladies who founded the site likened them to “cougars” in search of small and defenseless animals. The nephew reportedly overheard the word “cougar” being used by hockey players on his team.

The Feline Family There are many different cougar classifications, each one behaving according to her specie. The way she prowls, mates and interacts with her prey is dependent on the type that she falls in.

8


The Divorcee Cougar The divorcee cougar is mostly concerned about getting back at a cheating ex-husband. She will have a deep-seated resentment for anyone under the age of 28 and will be her prime target.

This type will almost always be athletic, and hunts with other ravenous divorcees in exclusive hot spots.

The Sugar Mamma Cougar The sugar mamma will be a self-made successful career-woman who is out for a good time.

Whether she is divorced, playing around or single, she uses her wealth to bait hapless male cubs and lead them into her lair. This type of cougar is highly welcomed by the young male population as she has a tendency to buy them entirely brand new outfits and lavish gifts not to mention taking the tab in restaurants and clubs.

The Cheating Cougar The cheating cougar will most likely be spotted drinking alone in the lobby of a hotel, trying to drown out her sorrows from a relationship

9


that has gone awry. They will almost always be subtle, careful not to cause a scene or be recognized.

She will almost always be very far away from her hometown as not to arouse suspicion. She will be dressed in her best, determined to get herself some fun and action and her ring will be hidden from view. A cheating cougar can be trusted on not to kiss and tell and will be very discreet.

Why Prey on Younger Men? Like it or not, cougars are here to stay. Many would question why a sensible, middle -aged woman, usually successful and moneyed would choose a clumsy young male barely out of boyhood and can barely support themselves? There are a number of valid reasons.

Younger males are not as inclined to traditional relationships. Cougars are independent and empowered women who flat out know what they want in dating. Usually it’s just sex, sometimes it’s just companionship. The point is, younger males are less likely to give them trouble or try to impose a dreary set of rules to the relationship. Here, the woman is clearly on top.

10


Younger males are less jealous and less controlling. Males in their early to mid-twenties are very carefree and take things as they happen. They are less likely to make demand on their older women as to what to wear, what time to come home or nag them about petty things. Younger males are more likely to go with the flow and make excellently fun companions while doing so.

Younger males are simply hotter. Younger males especially those that work out are easier on the eyes than their older male counterparts who are either balding, have a paunch or won’t let go of the remote control. When an older woman craves excitement, they’d rather be with someone who looks the part and acts the part.

How to Date a Cougar The age is a given, don’t keep driving home the point. While an older woman will be aware that her age is part of her attractiveness, she may still be conscious about it. So even if you think it’s a turn-on, try not to bring it up too much. Focus instead on the subtle things that you like about her.

11


Don’t be a freeloader. Though one of the known perks of dating a cougar is the financial freedom that comes with it, don’t take advantage. Cougars are still women who, despite their success and wallet, want to be taken care of once in awhile. So show how much of a gentleman you are and treat her to dinner and drinks when you can. It will pay off in the end.

Be very open to each other. Older women are more mature and less inclined to participate in any mind games the way younger women are. To keep things clean and uncomplicated, be honest about what you are in the relationship for.

The sooner the boundaries are laid out, the easier I will be for both of you. Under no circumstance should you attempt to play a cougar, she has been in this game longer and can easily turn her fangs on you.

A Cub’s Checklist There are only a few things that a man must have in order to be considered a worthy cub by a cougar. These are:

12


A fit body. Remember, cougars are tired of their balding and out of shape husbands and are on the prowl for sexy young things that take care of themselves.

An engaging personality. Cougars are very bright women. They are seasoned conversationalists, experienced travelers, and know exactly what they want. It is important that you can hold her attention and to keep her interested for long.

Character and finesse. Uncouth youth is not something you want to be here. Be a gentleman in every sense of the word and have integrity. These will last you longer with any cougar than good looks will.

Famous Cougar Couples It seems like Cougardom really took off in Hollywood where this dating pattern resulted in some very good looking and long lasting celebrity pairs. Here are some of the most famous cougar-cub teams in Tinseltown: 1) Halle Berry, 43 and Gabriel Aubry, 33 2) Mira Sorvino, 41 and Christopher Backus, 27

13


3) Mariah Carey, 39 and Nick Cannon, 28 4) Demi Moore, 46 and Ashton Kutcher, 31 5) Eva Longoria, 34 and Tony Parker, 27 In the case of all five pairs, it is obvious that when it comes to love, age, obviously, doesn’t matter.

14


Chapter II: Tips for the Cubs: On Dating Older Women Blame it on Ashton and Demi and on other celebrities who are following suit, but older women are definitely back on the dating scene and possibly ruling it.

Throwing conventions out the window, one-third of the female population within the age bracket of 40-69 are in the arms of younger companions.

Younger men are also reciprocating the demand because of the following reasons:

1. Younger men like sophisticated and successful women. These women exude confidence that young men find very attractive and sexy. Contrary to what most women believed, a lot of men like women with a strong character. And it is often the older female population who display such quality because of their life experiences.

15


2. Older women look better with age. This is partly due to science and their obsession with physical fitness. It is incredible to see how many women in their 40’s and 50’s have bodies that look better than the bodies of women half their age. With divorce and a healthier lifestyle, older women are looking more like a prized catch.

3. Older women are less complicated. They are usually in it for companionship, thrill, and fun. Men feel confident about dating an older woman because they know they don’t have to worry about popping a proposal anytime soon.

4. One can safely say that an older woman has seen it all. For this reason, younger men find them more interesting, more adventurous, and more sexually experienced. Not all men are drawn to fresh-faced, attractive young women. Sometimes, men are willing to pass up on physical appearance to pursue other objectives.

5. Younger men and older women can easily be on the same wavelength. Older women are adept at getting attuned to the quirks of their younger partners. They are prepared for it and

16


they know what they are getting into. When it comes to energy and intensity, they can be perfect match.

Although a relationship of this nature has to weather many odds, it can work.

According to relationship experts the key lies in compatibility. If one is outgoing, the other one must be able to keep up with it. If one is outspoken, the other one must do his part, too.

There should be a common ground to keep both parties interested in one another.

What Lures Younger Men In No matter how trendy and common it becomes, a younger menolder women relationship is still hounded by intriguing questions. It’s been tradition, especially for women, to get involved with someone in the same age bracket or with someone slightly older.

17


This set-up however, has not only conquered stereotypes but has also proven that age, indeed, does not matter. Yet, one can’t help but wonder. What is it with older women?

Confidence Older women are no longer shaken by insecurities that younger women are dealing with at their age. Their confidence comes from knowing who they are and what they want in life. Men are attracted to that air of self-assurance and stability. With older women, they don’t have to prove their affection time and time again. For once, they can take the back seat and let the women take the wheel.

Experience With years also comes experience. When it comes to the matter of the heart, these women know what’s good for them. As they are wiser than their partners, they can also impart valuable lessons in life. They can offer tried and tested formula which could prove essential to the success of their relationship. An older woman’s sexual prowess is also part of the equation. Younger men are eager to learn what older women are willing to impart to them between the sheets.

18


Independence At this age, most women are already successful in their careers. Women who are brave enough to go after younger men are often at a stage where they have already established financial stability. Ambition is no longer as important and financial freedom has given them the power to do what they want. With the common pressures out of the way, the couple can pay more attention to their relationship and make it work.

Emotional Stability Older women are more accommodating and understanding than younger women. They are calmer in dealing with difficult situations and are even willing to offer protective arms. Men need a lot of pampering and they love attention, too. It’s difficult to get these perks from women their age because careers are often in the way.

Maturity Maturity comes naturally to older women. They seem unfazed by life’s challenges and men find this quality attractive. Men who are plagued with emotional issues can anchor to these women for support. Older women are straightforward and are not afraid to

19


speak their mind or show their feelings. This is something that younger women are not prepared to gamble in a relationship.

Experimental At their age, older women have accomplished what the norms demand of them. They already got their dream job, a beautiful house and a nice car. When they enter into a relationship, they are not looking for someone who can fulfill their dreams for them. They are more into feelings and they are content just to be with each other.

Even with an age gap of eight to ten years, a relationship such as this can flourish. Men see this as a great challenge, an opportunity to experience something new. For women, it is a chance to experience how to be young again but without the recklessness and awkwardness that come with that age.

20


Before Dating A Cougar Know Where to Find Them There really are all kinds of dating sites that are geared toward this particular niche: dateacougar.com, cougarlife.com, cougared.com – and the list literally goes on and on for pages.

But the thing that men that chase after cougars are saying is that these dating sites aren’t even all that necessary these days.

With the plethora of social networking websites and platforms that are out there, you really have now an equivalent of the social squares and vibrant night-lives, on the web. So what a lot of people actually recommend doing is heading to online venues you would expect the kind of cougar that you’re targeting to hang out in.

Okay, let’s say that you’re looking for a sophisticated woman really knows her stuff when it comes to modern and current politics in the United States.

21


In a personal view of somebody that knows her way around the various restaurants, diners and pubs in Washington DC. And as such, you might look up a number of these more popular brands and franchises on platforms such as Facebook.

Because of their age, women of this kind are more likely to be hanging out, socializing in more sophisticated areas and venues. Forget about the dingy old dive bars were adequate during your college years, most of these women are career oriented, and so will be more likely to be hanging out in droves at fine dining establishments, even cigar and whiskey bars.

What you’re actually seeing a lot of these days are these older women are drinking and establishing tastes for the old classic cocktails of the 1960s and ‘50s, such as the old-fashioned, the classic martini, the Manhattan, and the Vodka tonic. Many of them are into neat spirits – that is to say, they preferred their beverages no ice and no mixers.

That all said, these women are very aggressive, and so chances are you will not even have to search them out; they will find you. They

22


may even be employing or supervising you, taking special little notes about various things that you like and prefer.

How To Prepare for Them For the undergraduate kind of demographic out there, rule number one is to be stable. This flies in the face, everything being a male in college really implies. But if what you’re looking for is a fully capable, refined and mature cougar, then you’ll have to get grounded – somehow, someway.

Although you are dealing with older women here, that want little boys to pet and play with, they’re also looking for young men that aren’t frail – which many of their peers will likely be. They’re looking for men in their prime – men that are only going to get better; not men that have already seen their best days.

So in preparation, be grounded; know what you want, and know how to make a commitment: be decisive; be strong. But at the same time, be empathetic and be sensitive to the things that are going on around you and about the people that are around you.

23


Just before a date, make sure that you’re feeling comfortable, or at least make sure that your mind is in a state in which you can adequately converse and communicate and express yourself.

Now you don’t necessarily want to vent and air all of your dirty laundry from the office on a first date on Friday night, but you don’t necessarily want to put off a date just because you had a rough week. This book is not necessarily advocating that you dispose of first aid with a cougar until you feel that the time is right, so to speak.

Just make sure that you are able to express yourself in case things bubble up; what turns on any woman – cougar or otherwise – is the ability to communicate well, to really emotions and sensations and experiences in a clear and visceral way.

Setting Your Goals It doesn’t hurt to set some goals when it comes to dating cougars. Cougars have been around, and so chances are more likely that these women are going to be more organized, better drilled about life’s unexpected kind of occurrences and events.

24


And so, something that can really turn on a cougar is a life plan so to speak. It’s good to be organized, but not to a needless extent. A cougar is going to want to see that you have your stuff together. But that you’re not a tight ass about things.

About setting goals about cougars in particular, be just one make sure that you set realistic expectations, and you are well-equipped to handle rejection. You’re going to get some bad dates. There’s no way around that.

Cougars (like any other kind of class or category of person) are going to be singular and unique, and so each and every day is going to be a case onto itself. So that’s definitely an important assumption or stance to take. While going out there into the marketplace.

Okay, so here’s a very concrete example. Say you want to meet five new cougars in a span of two weeks. Well, the first thing you’re going to have to do is you’re going to have to target specific breeding grounds for and of cougars.

Remember that there are some base line type of assumptions that can be asserted and use in order to position yourself in relation to

25


these cougars. Most of the generally attractive cougars are professional type of women, and this type of power women tend to cluster around corporate and executive watering holes.

So, a good place to scope out some fine prey (or shall we say, a good place to find yourself as an eyed or targeted entrée for cougars) might be your local high class pub. A place that sells really good, but expensive red meat– top sirloins and filet mignon’s – and has a healthy list of imported beers on tap would definitely make for good place to start.

Now, you don’t have to own the place; you don’t have to act like you own the establishment or run the place: you just have to give off your own ambience.

You have to be able to cut through all the noise that’s there; you have to stand out in some way. That is, if you go the old-fashioned route of rounding up cougars in a brick-and-mortar type of situation.

But if you’re more of the expedient and efficient type, of course, there are online venues. You might target a particular political

26


convention or and events webpage where people are commenting a lot.

And you might stand out in that crowd by posting some incredibly fascinating and scintillating comments. That’s certainly one way that you can stand out, in that sense.

Whatever tact and approach you decide to go with, just know that you’ll have to set yourself apart, from the rest of the pack. Otherwise, cougars are not going to be pay you any mind, whatsoever.

Doing Research Doing research on cougars is incredibly easy and efficient these days. So much information is on the Internet these days. You don’t even have to get into social networking to figure out what it is that cougars are doing.

Cougars are broadcasting and updating themselves; in a sense, they are throwing their information at you. A popular cougar is Ariana Huffington.

27


She tweets and posts on the Internet at an alarming rate; she does so from her own personal device – her phones and her tablet computers. She’s giving you the play-by-play and is a good case study in the way that a cougar – a good example of a very successful cougar – will actually volunteer all of this personal detail to you, from which you can extrapolate all kinds of logical conclusions.

For instance, she’s in the habit of posting impulse reactions to political events. Congress will vote on a particular measure and she’ll come out blasting through all cylinders: hitting up Facebook and Twitter at the same time.

And so, in this sense, you really do have a lot to go on; you’re getting her unfiltered ideas and emotions, and you’re getting them in real time. Heck, she even posts her location from time to time.

Understanding social stigma When it comes to social stigma, because there are so many cougars out there, and because it’s becoming such a widely accepted sort of phenomenon, there really isn’t all that much out there in terms of the

28


stigma. There’s always going to be that point, just because there is that wide gap in age difference.

But when you think about it, it’s not something that’s completely unheard of. There are historical precedents that go back hundreds of years. Queens have done this; powerful women in recent years have done this. It’s a social stigma in very fragmented ways.

So what is the stigma exactly? Well, they’re quite obvious if you just allow yourself to think of the presumptuous conclusions. Of course, you can’t get away from the notion that the whole thing – the entire relationship – is based on some kind of insatiable lust for sexual experiences.

Though there might be a little bit of that, that ignites the relationship, as we all know, sex is hardly something that will keep a relationship going strong for years and years. So definitely, ageism is going to be a factor in all this. And with that you can extrapolate all of the common sense kind of deductions and conclusions based on the age difference.

29


On the woman’s side, the stigma is that she’s really just send it to have a fresh body to play with. And on the younger man’s side, the stigma and negative connotation is that he is basically prostituting himself – giving his body in order to have a means to buy material things, to enter into higher class social circles.

And of course, people can learn from parallels among other demographic differences. You can look at the assumptions and stereotypes about races and sexes engender; and just see how ridiculous some of these stereotypes and assumptions are. Also, men and women can extrapolate clear lessons from those wrongheaded assumptions and conclusions.

But most importantly – on the topic of stigmas and negative connotations – a cougar and a young man that wishes to be with an older woman simply need to feel confident and assured of himself and herself in order to conduct themselves in a decent and respectable way in society. Ultimately, people just want each other and themselves to interact and behave in a civil way.

30


Understanding the difference of cougars from other women Cougars obviously aren’t just about being older; it never really is merely about having clocked more years – having been born in another generation (think of the music that you grew up on).

Cougars are a particular bunch. Cougars are very much like fine wines that have matured. And much like a connoisseur can really save her and relish the experience of a beverage, so to can a young man completely lose himself in the company of an older woman – if he is indeed a better fit for an older one (and there are certainly gentlemen out there that fit this exact mold).

Cougars aren’t just older; they’re not just richer; they’re not just more successful, more established; they’re wiser. They’ve also been through more hardships. In a kind of avuncular way, cougars tend to exude a bit of a reserved composure about things.

Because they’ve been through more, they’re not as easily pressed by pedestrian accolades; and at the same time they’re not easily brought down either. They’ve seen and heard more than their male

31


companions, and so there’s certainly a richer depth to cougars, than simply being “more,” in quantitative terms.

The cougar is about depth; is about quality. It’s something that is inherent to a chain well and maturing; its quality that cannot be purchased. That’s the real difference between a cougar another one, and you get that within the first five minutes of being in a good and substantial conversation with a cougar.

When It’s Time to Date: Getting around Cougar Town If you’re fairly new to this jungle, you must keep in mind that cougars are very smart beings and if you are to make anything happen with them, there are some basics of Cougar Dating that you must know:

Brush up on your bedroom skills One of the perks of dating an older woman is that they know their way in the bedroom. You must be able to keep up with their

32


spectacular sack styles and secrets or you might be sent home with your tail between your legs.

Prepare to be the boytoy Whether you like it or not, that’s the way it’s going to be. In this setup, she is clearly on top. So when she wants to go out, you should be ready to go out. Don’t worry though, once you prove yourself worthy of her attention, you will be rewarded nicely.

Make her feel attractive Inside every cougar is a little girl who wants to be told how pretty she is. Show her off to your friends, compliment her and give her little presents when you can. She will be more it’s the way to every woman’s heart, cougar or not.

The Mating Season Few things in this world can be sexier than a woman in her 40’s, financially independent, secure with her looks and talented in bed. No wonder more and more males are hoping to score at least one date with these alluring creatures of prey.

33


If you are one of them, you can try a few things to increase your chances of being stalked. Here are 5 what cougars look for during their prowl:

A well-toned physique It must be remembered, the reason cougars are out tonight is because they are sick of seeing their husbands disappear into the couch in yesterday’s sweats. Here is your chance to show off your young 20-year old body, which should look particularly enticing to any cougar looking for some action.

A cool and confident vibe You don’t have to possess killer good looks in order to attract an older woman. But it does help to be confident in yourself, just be careful not to go overboard because of course; these women are very experienced and can tell whether you’re for real or not. A friendly tip: talk to her as if you were talking to a college buddy of yours. Do not be intimidated by her stunning good looks or jewelry.

34


A brain No need to be Einstein here, either. But if you can carry a decent conversation without having to resort to reciting the Periodical Table to impress her, it’s a start. Do not drown yourself in alcohol thinking you will be transformed into a smooth talker. Chances are, you’ll end up in a heap in the bar’s bathroom stall.

The Prowl It must be remembered that there are many different cougar species, all looking for different things in men. Some are just out to have a good time, some are out with a vengeance, yet some might really be looking for something special. It’s best to know what you want yourself before playing in the cougar field. That way, complications can be avoided and you and your cougar can have a fun and uncomplicated and well-defined romp/ relationship.

Of course, it wouldn’t hurt to know beforehand if the woman you’re smiling at across the bar is a real cougar. Because if the man beside her happens to be her husband, then you have some explaining to do. So sit back and observe at a distance. When you are sure that she is indeed one, then you may proceed.

35


Cougars are basically women who are tired of all the relationship woes that come with older men. Whether these men are jealous, controlling or just plain fat, younger men are at an advantage simply because they are young, fun and carefree. By showing an older woman that you show her a good time, you will already become a prime candidate. So be fun and carefree in the bar. Groove to some hot Latin moves on the dance floor.

Crack some jokes and get her to smile. There is very little wrong you can do by being yourself. Cougars are just like any other woman except they are more mature, less insecure and a lot more confident. Talk to her, be interesting and try not to say anything stupid about her age. Buy her a drink and compliment her on her dress. If things go well, you may end up spending the next few days or months, even years of your life with a sexy older woman on your arm.

36


The Cougar and the Cub

At first glance, a younger man-older woman relationship may just seem wrong. How can anyone consider going out with someone who is old enough to be her mother?

But upon closer scrutiny and with more and more cougar-cub relationships developing over the years, (as of date, 30% of women aged 40 and older are going out with younger men) you have to tell yourself that this is a formula that seems to be working.

Consider these tips to maintain the balance between a young man and her older woman:

Be sensitive to each other’s age It is very important for the cub to consider how his cougar may feel around his younger friends doing “young” things like drinking, getting into trouble, dancing all night in a club and so on and so

37


forth. At the same time, the cougar may forget that she is dealing with someone half his age and she can’t expect him to grow wisdom overnight.

Always keep the lines of communications open It is important for the cougar and cub to be very honest with each other about how they are feeling about the relationship at any point. If one of the parties is feeling uncomfortable about being brought to a certain place then he or she must speak up. Keeping things bottled up inside will only build resentment.

Have respect for each other’s pasts and privacy There will always be some things that either party may want to keep for himself/ herself. Especially in the case of the cougar who may have had a pretty colorful past, there may be some things that she would like to keep to herself. Maybe in due time, she will open up but until that time, the cub will have to learn to wait.

38


Make an effort It is always that 5% you give in anything that makes all the difference. Of course this is a one of a kind relationship and of course you will run into all sorts of trouble and misunderstandings. But if both parties are willing to push themselves out of their comfort zones to make the other happy, then it can be said that this relationship has the ability to last longer than previously thought.

Don’t take the age thing too seriously If the two genuinely like each other and have the same interests and enjoy each other’s company, then age should not be a problem. Concentrate on the good things and leave the numbers to the calendar.

Overcoming MORE Cougar Stigma While the cougar phenomenon seems to be in vogue today thanks to the glamorization of the dating pattern by some very famous Hollywood celebrities, the notion of a woman over 35 on the prowl for sexual relations is generally frowned upon by society.

39


There is a misconception that a woman of that age and above should be married and have kids to be considered normal. If she chooses not to marry then she should be a quite spinster, at home with her cat and definitely not hitting the club scene to land herself someone to bring home.

Girls just want to have fun But is there really a cause for shame? These female baby boomers are only feeling a new kind of empowerment and are trying to make their mark on a dating dimension that they feel their generation missed out on. Furthermore, it is a woman’s natural inclination is to seek to be loved or at least admired and wooed, is acting on what is genetically inherent therefore immoral? If a cougar is unattached, divorced or separated, this should not be a cause to be chained at home knitting or baking cupcakes.

The fact that the men that they go after and who are attracted to them happen to be years younger than them should not be an issue. As usual, society is quick to criticize those that they do not understand.

40


Love is a big scary animal If there is genuine attraction, chemistry or something more, then there should not be a problem. It is not the cougar’s fault that men her age are disinterested, queer or off chasing some young female cubs of their own.

There is no cause for shame in cougar-cub relationships. It is time that people quit being narrow-minded and stop thinking only in terms of age. What should be celebrated is that two people found love, disparity in age and all.

If you are in a cougar-cub relationship and proud of it, do not let other people’s opinion sour your stand. Be reminded that in this crazy world, anything is possible and finding love with someone half your age is simply one of them.

Advice for the Cub at Heart No one can help their feelings. If you have willfully allowed yourself to be packed up by a cougar and is now in her lair, there is nothing

41


left to do but make the most out of your situation. Consider these tips to keep your relationship sane:

Introduce your cougar to your family Don’t hide her in shame for that will only feed your family’s suspicions and make her feel resentful towards them. The same goes when you are out with your friends, bring her along to gatherings and never make her feel left out.

Concentrate on your relationship It’s easy to be distracted by people who are whispering about you. They can even have you questioning your self-worth. Keep your chin up.

People have a general tendency to gossip and criticize anyway so let them be. What is important is you are with someone whose company you enjoy thoroughly. Turning the whole public scrutiny into a joke will lessen the blow and will be hilarious after awhile.

Don’t get into a relationship just for the fun of it Dating a cougar that you are not into just to be trendy is not cool. You are only fooling yourself and another woman. Being dishonest in

42


a relationship will inevitably lead to disaster. So unless you have a spoken agreement to keep things casual, don’t. Breaking anyone’s heart, not just a cougar’s, is never easy. Focus on your similarities and not on your differences You are together with a cougar because you share something. Be it a liking for dogs or Indian food or a dislike for country music. Remember what brought you together and nourish it. Enjoy each other’s company and realize that you are lucky to have found each other.

Learn as much as you can from your cougar Even if you two don’t eventually end up together, know that older women are very wise and always know what they are talking about. So stock up on what she tells you, observe what she does in the bedroom and listen to her advice. These are valuable lessons you can apply when you do end up wooing the woman that you love.

No matter what your circumstances are in life, in love or with the kind of woman you are going out with, remember that you must think for yourself. Only you know what will truly make you happy. And in the end, that is all that truly matters.

43


8 Tips When Dating Older Women: Putting It All Together Age difference hardly matters when the two people in a relationship are compatible and get on with each other well. If you want to win the affection of an older woman, you have got to show her that you have more than your looks to charm her with.

Dating Tip #1- Show some maturity Dating is a whole new game when it comes to older women. She’s ahead of you in years and in experience and it’s best to keep that in mind. She probably is finished dealing with things that you are still struggling to come to terms with. Your older companion doesn’t have time to deal with little games that younger women would otherwise find charming.

Dating Tip #2- Be confident You are probably dating a successful and confident woman and she will be interested to know what you want in the future and how you’re planning to get there. She would want somebody who has the drive to succeed.

44


Dating Tip #3- Know what you want Older women often know where they want the relationship to go. If you agree with her, you had better let her know. Whether you’re ready to commit or would want more time, you have to make a stand and be clear about it.

Dating Tip #4- Compromise and communicate Whatever kind of relationship you are in these two are the key ingredients to make it work and succeed. What age gap there is between you becomes irrelevant if you understand each other.

Dating Tip #5- Be adventurous Remember that a lot of older women are going after young guys because they want to be introduced to a world that is filled with fun and energy. Take her out to you usual hang out and don’t hesitate to let her experience things that she’s new to.

Dating Tip #6-Indulge her So, you are her new boy toy and she’s feeling young again. Let her relish that idea and soak up the new experience. You will be well

45


compensated and your relationship will have a bigger chance of becoming a success.

Dating Tip #7- Learn from the best Observe and learn. She can give you valuable insights on how to please a woman, whether in the physical aspect or emotional aspect. If your relationship is not going to last, you will have plenty of knowledge to use going into the next one.

Dating Tip #8-Treat her like a woman Even though she’s more mature and doesn’t need fussing over like young women do, it doesn’t mean you stop paying attention to her needs. Like any women, your date is looking for certain qualities in you to give her reasons to continue with the relationship. Being in a relationship with an older woman can be a fascinating experience. There is so much to learn and experience. One day, you feel like you have the relationship in the bag. The next, you feel uncertain whether you can keep up with her game. A lot of times, it’s not a question of whether she can outplay you but can you outplay her?

46


Chapter III: Tips for Cougars: On Dating Younger Men Certainly, there are several advantages or joys when dating a younger man. Regardless of the person’s reason for choosing such prospective partner, there are several ways to ensure that a woman finds the right set of candidates to choose from or find the match of their dreams.

Finding younger men is not rocket science

but

it

still

requires

fundamental or basic knowledge on how things are and go about to find the right partner to date or a have a relationship with.

It can be established that younger men have their preferences which are slightly more different from their older counterparts. Nonetheless, it is also necessary to always be reminded that men share general preferences or characteristics.

47


The trick is to know what they want specifically for their bracket and become what they want. Start with the assumption, that what a woman can find in older men may not automatically be found in younger ones.

In finding the right or prospective younger man to date, older women should prepare themselves mentally, emotionally and physically. They also have to broaden up their expectations or to keep it accommodating enough.

Being open to a different kind of relationship is key to finding a possible younger partner. Younger men still need guidance and in more ways than one, older women also serve as someone like their teacher. The following sections provide a closer look on how older women can go about finding younger men, creating a good impression and establishing a connection that may result in further relationship.

It may not apply to some situations but generally these tips should increase the chances of creating a successful younger-older relationship between a man and a woman.

48


Finding Younger Men For older women who wish to find younger men then it is best for them to pursue different kinds of hobbies and interest that are outside their home and even their comfort zone.

Since also factors in when it comes to hobbies and a person’s interests, becoming perceptive of what younger men can well tell where they can be found. Further, attending different types of outings, classes and meetings and can increase the chances of meeting more people.

However, this is not to say that an older woman should no longer pursue their interests, taking on other types of hobbies means that it should still be part of their interest only broader because the prospect of meeting a younger man for a relationship is taken into consideration.

This also ensures that regardless of where an older woman meets their potential young partner, they share similar interests or that they are like minded to a certain extent.

49


For example, a woman who has never tried salsa but has always been curious about it may well enroll under a class. The class can provide a good venue for meeting a younger partner. This also gives the woman a chance to network and find people who can help her find or learn where she can potentially meet a good young partner. It is about taking risks but also considering one’s preferences in the process.

Creating an Impression After finding a prospective partner, it is now time to catch his attention. Drawing a young man’s attention is about making a really good impression. As the old saying goes - first impressions last.

The same especially applies for older woman looking for an opening or a chance to establish a relationship with a younger partner. Nonetheless, prior to taking into consideration every advice, there is one important thing that older women or women in general should not forget.

The key to success is to be yourself.

50


A lot of younger men are drawn to older women because of the kind of intellect and maturity they possess. They see a good balance of book and street knowledge. Older women project an aura of experience but without the faltering excitement.

In this case, older women should refrain from mimicking how younger ladies act. This would only make them appear immature. Some turn off points include pretending to be dumb and dressing as provocatively as possible.

Confidence is the ticket to attracting a potential partner. It is like a charm that women can wear and which brings out the best in them be being confident in everything including different types of activities or endeavors. A young man’s attraction to an older woman stems from feelings of stability, security and the assurance that the person has already enough experience not to act as wild and risky.

Of course, there is also that thing about enhancing one’s physical assets and appearance. However, despite trying to highlight such attributes, an older woman or any woman for that matter should maintain their class. Self respect is very important.

51


A younger man would have more interest over someone who has confidence in the way they look, acts right but appears younger than they look because of their vibrancy.

The following tips offer more specific approaches to creating a good impression:

1. Smile

A woman’s smile is attractive to any man regardless of the age. It is a very classic charm that never fails to get the attention or draw in the interest of the opposite sex. Plus, smiling is any lady regardless of her age can do and pull off. Show those pearly whites and see the wondrous effects.

2. Lingering eye contact

Just like how a speaker catches the attention of the audience, eye contact is essential to creating a connection and establishing rapport. Even the slightest eye contact can make an impression. Catch his eyes for a few seconds before looking away. A good smile also makes

52


a good complement and shows a woman’s interest in a classy manner.

3. Dress for the part and express one’s interest.

Contrary to popular belief the term cougar should not be degrading in any manner. In fact, it should showcase the mature and womanly feel of older women. Dress appropriately and make sure not to try too hard on looking very attractive. Elegance but with a touch of sexiness should do the trick plus make sure to express interest over the young man to encourage them.

Relationship Tips Short Term and Long Term Relationships

Younger men think that going out, dating or having a relationship with an older woman is a big turn on. Other young men around him think so too. It is possible that a prospect young partner may have a stereotypical idea that older women can broaden their sexual experience.

53


In essence, they might just be looking for a “booty call” instead of a genuine or real relationship. Thus, older women should be able to differentiate between such intentions.

In the same way, they should also be wary of how they act or agree to invites. Some would invite a woman over late at night while others for a real date.

Certainly, a late night call is nothing but free of malice or sexual intention unless of course for very special circumstances. Older women dating younger days should be aware of “friends with benefits” setup and real dating or relationship setup.

Unless the woman also agrees to such long term relationship then a sexual relationship does not really guarantee a long term one. Like the modern saying goes: no strings attached. For older women who are in fact seeking a long term kind of relationship then doing a few tricks and learning the ropes of this kind of relationship is very important.

54


Keeping Him Interested: Let Him Chase You

Regardless if he is a younger man, he is still a man. It is a general trait for males to have a penchant for the hunt and chase when it comes to relationships. After creating an impression, it is actually best to keep the guy chasing and let him lead.

For instance, make sure he asks for your number first including offering a date invite. This does not actually affect a woman’s charm or reputation as being someone confident.

The pursuit in the long run would keep interested and would prove if the young man is really into establishing a relationship with someone older than him. Besides, are not older women supposed to be the busier lot?

Likewise, try to keep options open before anything gets official. It is best to date young men for a couple of times before figuring out if he is the right partner. It may be hard to maintain a relationship with someone who does not emphasize that feeling of connection.

55


Additionally, maintaining the chase for quite some time prevents older women from becoming emotionally attached very soon. This provides a chance for women to analyze their prospective young partner before making the relationship work. A cougar and a young man devoid of any strings (exes and divorced spouses) make a potential and refreshing connection.

However, dating a younger man vice versa would always have its issues. It is up to the people involved if they would choose to fight for the relationship or not.

Younger Men vs. Older Men In establishing a relationship with a younger person, it is necessary for older women to differentiate them from older men. The differentiation is necessary for them not to expect anything out of the ordinary and to understand how to best approach a relationship involving a young partner.

The differentiation also helps avoid disappointments and certain misunderstandings. This ensures that expectations are kept within minimum.

56


In essence, younger men posses more stamina than older men, they tend to be more enthusiastic or keen in doing things. For instance, the frequency of sexual activities may be greater in younger men as compared to the older ones though this is not necessarily an absolute thing.

Likewise, it is also important to understand that frequency does not equate quality although younger men tend to go out of their way to make sure they please their ladies.

However, time may also be a very challenging matter. Since they are young and active, their range of activities can be varied and they can be involved in so many things including a number of recreation and sports. Nonetheless, a man’s involvement in many activities can be viewed in two ways. They gain more stamina, ensure a tone body and look good. Certainly, any of those traits would not hurt the relationship.

Since younger men have not gone through as many tribulations or trials as older men would have been exposed to particularly with the

57


longer years of existence, they tend to be slightly more on the easygoing side.

They generally have more energetic personalities and being with them can be extremely exciting. They have not been stuck long yet in their ways and are usually more daring to try out something new. However, this may also include trying out other women.

Younger men tend to be experimental and many of them are not really ready to settle down or stick easily to just one woman.

Remember, they are still in their prime years wherein they can achieve a lot of things, appear extremely good and are still permitted to do what they want particularly they are less expected to be as responsible as older men. Responsibilities do tend to pile up as one grows old and the young ones are still yet to learn.

Nonetheless, this does not mean that an older woman cannot expect a meaningful relationship from a young man. There are young men who are willing to engage in real relationship if they see it fit or their feelings are well aligned to it. Once a relationship has been established it can be really good and exciting – but just like any

58


relationship, it is not smooth sailing as always. Certainly, older women have to deal with a range of problems to make it work.

Dealing with Issues A successful relationship regardless of the age gap entails effort on both parties. Likewise, older women should take the time to realize some of the issues and learn how to deal with accordingly.

Maturity

While age does not always equate to the level of maturity, certainly, younger people generally tend to be less mature. Depending on the life experiences of the person, their take on life may still be too juvenile or extremely mature. A lot of men tend to mature slower than women so mentalities may be quite different. For a cougar to understand how best to deal with someone who might be less mature than them, she should spend time with him and see his life.

In examining his life, she can assess how he deals with finance, stress, work, and friends. This would help grasp the kind of maturity

59


level the person possesses. It is a good starting point to know which areas he still lacks and how to make adjustments. Nonetheless, for casual relationships, this may not be as important.

Spontaneity

Younger men are still well within their more explorative nature so they are more spontaneous. This might be exciting for an older female partner but also stressing and exhausting in certain occasions. The trick is to maintain the right balance between being adventurous and being laidback. Certainly, a couple can also find a meaningful and very satisfying time even with simply staying indoors and enjoying more domesticated things.

Beware of Being Like a Mother

Some younger men tend to consider their older partners well within the zone on how they look at their mothers. Often, it is the nurturing side of older women which draws a young man in. However, there should be certain limitation because the young man may become too

60


dependent that even monetary and living expenses and needs are also passed on to the responsibility of the older female partner.

Also, it is important to see whether the young man is genuine about the relationship or he is just looking for someone to depend on. As the more mature person of the relationship, older women should be able to draw the line. It is not completely their responsibility to fill in the mother shoes and it is necessary to reiterate to the young man how they are also responsible for the relationship.

Level of Success and Public Scrutiny Because of age gaps, professional level of success may be different and it is more likely that the older woman works with a better career. Be wary of how insecure younger men can be. They are competitive by nature and having a partner who may be doing well more than them can sometimes be a blow to the ego. Make sure to emphasize that success come in time because that is also how it happens to everyone else.

61


Lastly, public scrutiny may be overwhelming at first but it should never take a toll on the people involved in the relationship. The public is not of the relationship. Regardless of their opinions, it is the choices of individuals which determine how successful a relationship can be.

Conclusion Older women can find a lot of great things when dating younger men.

There

are

certain

experiences which they cannot find when dating or going out with older men. For instance, younger men are keener to try out different things.

They tend to be spontaneous and may be more agreeable in exploring many activities and things as compared to their senior counterparts. In this aspect, older women can expect their relationship to be thrilling or exciting.

62


Additionally, younger men also have the propensity to go all out of their way to please their partners. This is something that a lot of older women may find enjoyable.

Plus, younger men also look up or have a certain esteemed or ideal view of older women which somehow adds to the overall satisfaction. Nonetheless, getting into a relationship with a younger man does not happen in one snap unless it is just a casual or sexual thing.

Older women who are looking for a more long term kind of things need to know a few tricks and fundamentals to obtain what they want. The first step in dating a younger man is to find one. Prospective partners can found in a lot of places.

All it takes is for the person to go out there. Once a potential partner has been identified, it is now time to create the connection. To establish such link, a cougar should be able to make the proper impression.

63


Cougars alone attract attention but it is drawing the attention of a potential partner which can be tricky. Initially, it is always best to put one’s best foot forward without losing sight of oneself.

Being natural and confident are two most important things a female should do to earn that rightful interest. A mature woman with confidence, natural charm and elegance can definitely establish a good condition with whom they want.

Older women do not have to mimic what younger ladies do because for one, they have different kind of charm which is certainly very appealing to the younger demographic of men.

Likewise, it is important to note that despite being the older half of a possible relationship, this does not mean that the lady has to lead all throughout. Young or old, a man is a man. They are also very particular with taking the lead especially in relationships.

Cougars should let young men chase them to test their interest and hold their attention. It is the chase which strengthens a man’s desire for a woman. Once a relationship has been established, it is both the responsibility of the man and the woman to make it work. Certainly a

64


relationship that has considerable age gap between the two partners can be somewhat intimidating or overwhelming but it takes two to tango.

Some problems include maturity, levels of success, propensity to be spontaneous

and

public

opinion.

Nonetheless,

a

proper

understanding of each other should help conquer such problems. After all, relationships are not perfect and it is up to the individuals involved to make it work. Now, get dating at www.cougar-dating.co.uk

cougar dating.pdf

Recommend Documents