Community.209.Writers

"Adult Education" By Andy Bobrow

Writer's Draft October 5, 2010

COLD OPEN FADE IN: INT. STUDY ROOM - EARLY EVENING All minus Troy and Annie stand stand in the dark. birthday cake on the table. ANNIE runs in.

There is a

ANNIE Okay, he’s on the way. I love surprise parties. I mean real ones, not the kind where your parents forget your birthday and then three days later, surprise, a really small teddy bear with a card that both parents signed in Daddy’s lady friend’s handwriting. PIERCE I don’t know why Troy gets all this hubub. My birthday was last week, no party for me. This is news to all.

They exchange exchange guilty glances, then... BRITTA

(fake) Oh, I get it. You’re pretending you already forgot about that huge party we threw you. Nice one. PIERCE (covering, has no idea) Ha ha, gotcha! JEFF (sotto to Britta) Good call on that. Troy enters.

Annie flicks on the lights. EVERYONE

Surprise! What?

TROY For me?

ANNIE Well not technically for you. We know Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t celebrate birthdays. (MORE)

"Community" - #209 - "Adult Education" - writer's draft -

ANNIE (CONT'D) So we just had them write “Happy Coincidence” on the cake. SHIRLEY I don’t see why it couldn’t say Happy Birthday. What’s the worst that could happen, his soul accidentally gets saved? BRITTA Shirley, we’re being respectful and avoiding the specific two-word phrase that is outlawed by the cabal of men who run his religion for profit. JEFF Okay, I’ll take a stab at the grownup version. (to Troy) Troy, we are honored to have you as our friend, and we congratulate you on turning 20. ABED Needle threaded.

Perfect Winger.

TROY So smooth. But you know what? I’m okay if you say Happy Birthday. ALL Happy Birthday! SHIRLEY Step into the light! TROY I was secretly hoping you all would do this. ABED I told them. TROY I was secretly hoping you would! ABED You told me. Annie hands Troy a gift bag.

2.


ANNIE This is from all of us except Britta. BRITTA Geez, I said I’m good for it. PIERCE When the hell did I pay? Troy pulls out a Lego Duplo kit. TROY Lego Duplos! They’re made for little hands. Abed hands him a video game, unwrapped. ABED And I got you this, too. TROY Kickpuncher Detroit! best party ever!

This is the

PIERCE I think you’re forgetting my party last week. SHIRLEY So, the big Two-Oh, today! TROY Actually tomorrow. I was born December 17th, 1989. JEFF You mean 1990. Nope.

TROY 1989.

He pulls out his wallet and shows Jeff. JEFF Troy, that was 21 years ago. TROY Yeah, so that makes me 20. (off their looks) Because you’re ten for two years. (they’re still looking) Because fifth grade is really hard... for everyone. (MORE)

3.


TROY (CONT'D) (realizing) Dammit. Is that one of those lies, like, “Mister Turtle is on a business trip?” SHIRLEY Troy, you’re actually turning 21. TROY So I’m turning into a man?

Now?

JEFF Yet it seems like just a little while while ago you were playing playing with with Legos and video games. TROY I don’t know if I’m ready. BRITTA Not ready? Aren’t you excited? I couldn’t wait to turn 21. That’s why I did it when when I was 14. JEFF Everyone, I think we should make this a real 21st birthday and take this man to the bar for a drink at midnight. midnight. All heartily agree, though Troy’s nervous. SHIRLEY Ooh, this sounds fun. I rarely drink, but we’ve got something to celebrate. JEFF I know just where I want to take you. Little place called Johnny P’s. Ucch. expo?

BRITTA That phony Yuppie aftershave Let’s take him to Red Door.

JEFF We’re welcoming him to manhood, not poser-hood. BRITTA Fine, let’s just let Troy decide. Troy, what kind of man do you want to be? Cool or douchy?

4.


TROY This feels like a trick question. I don’t know enough yet. You have to be a grownup to know these things. PIERCE Forget the bar. You make a boy a man by taking taking him to one one hooker hooker after another until he learns to do it without crying. TROY I can’t do this. yet! Troy runs out.

I can’t can’t turn 21

A beat...

PIERCE Well great, now I’ve got hookers on the brain. FADE OUT. END OF COLD OPEN

5.


ACT ONE FADE IN: INT. STUDY ROOM - MOMENTS LATER All are there except Troy. JEFF Who runs away from turning 21? ABED I know where he went. spot.

His thinking

PIERCE So it’s confirmed. He’s not thinking when he’s anywhere else. ABED He goes there when he gets flustered. Like when they downgraded Pluto the planet and he was worried worried what what they they would would do to Pluto the dog. I can show you where where it is. JEFF I don’t need to know where it is. Just go get him, we’re thirsty. ABED Jeff I believe what’s required is a “man up” speech. I mean, I can give it if you want, but... PIERCE I’ll go. Oh Geez.

JEFF I’ll go.

PIERCE I’ll get the next one. JEFF Guys, sit tight. I’m going to see if I can talk someone into having a blast with his friends. Jeff and Abed exit.

6.


BRITTA Damn, I want to party tonight. SHIRLEY Me too, and I really don’t drink. BRITTA We get it, Shirley. than we are.

You’re holier

SHIRLEY I didn’t say that. BRITTA You didn’t have to. Drinking is acceptable to you only as an asterisk attached to the reminder that you “really don’t drink.” Just like how you “don’t like to cuss” when you cuss, and you’re “not one to gossip” when you gossip. You use virtue as a free sin card. SHIRLEY Girl, I do not approve of violence, but I’m about to whup you upside the head. ANNIE I wish I could join you guys but I’m under age. BRITTA You don’t have a fake i.d.? What kind of college student are you? ANNIE I don’t know, fake i.d., I wouldn’t even know how to-Britta sees STARBURNS passing by. BRITTA Starburns. Fake i.d.? Starburns pulls out a stack of drivers’ licenses and starts flipping through them. STAR-BURNS Height and hair color?

7.


INT. HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER Abed leads Jeff up to a vending machine sitting in a little U-shaped inlet. ABED Here it is. He gets down on all fours and looks under the machine, like looking for a lost cat. ABED (CONT’D) Yup, I see his feet. (gently, like talking to a cat) Hey, Troy. Hey buddy. TROY (from behind machine) I’m thinking. Jeff peeks into the space between the wall and the machine. We see Troy standing standing back there. It seems impossible that he even slipped in. JEFF Troy, I think I’m understating it when I say say you’re you’re overreacti overreacting. ng. TROY I just thought I’d have more time before I turned 21. I wanted to learn jujitsu and martial arts. JEFF Well, we’re just asking you to backburner those things until after tonight. Come on, it’s just a drink with your friends. TROY But it seems so much bigger. JEFF Whatever. I’m not gonna argue with you. If you don’t want to come, don’t come. Jeff starts to walk away. ABED Reverse psychology. weapon weapon for for you. you.

This is a new

8.


JEFF It’s not reverse psychology, it’s just the truth. He’s making a huge deal out of nothing. TROY I want to go, but it feels like a test and I haven’t studied enough. Jeff turns back. JEFF Of for God’s sake, man up! ABED Now we’re cooking. JEFF You know what? I lied. It is a huge deal. Tonight is the night you stop being scared of growing up. Tonight you tell the world you’re as prepared as you need to be. And in our culture, we signify that moment by walking up to a bar and ordering our first real drink as an adult. ABED What he’s selling, I’m buying, Troy. JEFF You get the keys to the rest of your life tonight. There's nothing you're not allowed to do. You’re not sneaking beers in plastic cups at high school keggers anymore. Tonight sets the tone and if you blow it off you don’t get another chance. TROY That’s why it’s so scary. JEFF Guess what, men used to have to kill mammoths or jump off cliffs to cross this threshold. Men gave their lives to cross this threshold. You dishonor them if you say it’s too scary. (MORE)

9.


JEFF (CONT'D) Now I’d drag you there, but that would would defeat defeat the the purpos purpose. e. The decision is yours. Jeff walks away. ABED One for the ages. TROY You’ll be there to help me? ABED As much as I’d love to, you know I can’t. It has to be your journey. If I went it would be rompy. A STUDENT comes up and sees the following exchange. TROY I want to romp with you. ABED I’m sorry. Not tonight. your own good.

It’s for

Abed leaves. leaves. The student student walks walks up to the machine tentatively and talks to it. STUDENT Um, Diet Coke, please? TROY I’m not the machine, I’m the guy behind it. INT. STUDY ROOM - CONTINUOUS Annie studies studies a driver’s license. are as before.

Britta, Shirley and Pierce Pierce

ANNIE (Texas accent) Okay, Y’all, I’m Jasmine Decker, I’m 23 years old and I’m from Corpus Christi, Texas. PIERCE So you’ve been lying to us this whole whole time? time?

10.


SHIRLEY Pierce, what’s your medication situation these days? Are you taking things as directed? PIERCE Ha. “As directed.” I have graduated to “as needed.” You wouldn’t wouldn’t believe believe how how many many doctors doctors I had to go through to find one who trusts me. ANNIE So let’s see, I’m a Scorpio, I’m donatin’ ma eyes, and ma hair was shorter in this picture. (losing accent) Oh no, I better have a story for that. BRITTA Annie, trust me, the only story you need is, “I’m a cute girl, here’s my i.d.” i.d.” ANNIE We’re talking about breaking the law here, Britta. I’m not going into this unprepared. Oh my God, I have to cram. I don’t know a thing about Corpus Christi. She runs to a computer and starts surfing, writing down crib notes on on a sheet of paper paper as she goes. goes. Jeff enters. enters. BRITTA Are we on? JEFF I don’t know if Troy’s in, but I’m up for it. BRITTA (for Shirley’s benefit) Well gee, if there’s nothing to celebrate, there’s no point in violating our long-held beliefs about when it’s appropriate to sin. SHIRLEY Well hang on, it is the end of the semester, too. We could celebrate that.

11.


Aha!

BRITTA You really want to drink.

SHIRLEY Of course I want to drink. (beat) I do it so rarely. Britta rolls her eyes.

Troy enters.

TROY Guys? I’m in. birthday. All congratulate congratulate Troy. file out.

Go me.

It’s my

They grab grab their their coats and start start to

JEFF Let’s do this. Johnny P’s.

We’re going to

BRITTA We’re not going to Douchy P’s. Door. Right, Troy? JEFF Don’t listen to her. man. Johnny Johnny P’s. P’s.

Red

Be your own

As they exit, Annie is still scrambling at the computer. ANNIE Wait for me, I just have to print some pages. Do you think anyone will ask about the average average rainfall? FADE OUT. END OF ACT ONE

12.


ACT TWO FADE IN: INT. FOYER OF BAR - THAT NIGHT It’s a bar called “Buckets”, a TGI Friday’s kind of place. JEFF “Buckets? Home of The Bucket?” Shirley, where the hell did you take us? SHIRLEY Hey, I drive, I choose. BRITTA Ucch, we would have been better off at Johnny P’s. JEFF You wouldn’t even be allowed into Johnny P’s. BRITTA Probably not because I refuse to wear a friggin friggin’ ’ pencil pencil skirt and talk about Italy. TROY I don’t understand why that’s bad. And what’s wrong with this place? JEFF Trust me, it’s awful. It’s exactly what I didn’t didn’t want for you tonigh tonight. t. A middle-class megabar with plastic menus. menus. TROY Plastic menus are bad now? They seem like a good idea. How do you know these things? ANNIE Okay, it’s showtime, Y’all. Remember I’m Jasmine Decker and I’m a Scorpio, and I cut ma hair on accounta the heat down in Corpus, y’all know how it gits down there. (losing accent) (MORE)

13.


ANNIE (CONT'D) Oh God, I don’t think I can do this. I think I’m doing more of a West Texas accent. BRITTA Here. Britta unbuttons a button on Annie’s blouse to show some cleavage. BRITTA (CONT’D) Now your accent is spot on. how it works.

See

Britta looks at her own chest and unbuttons one of her buttons to compete. compete. Then for for good measure, she unbuttons unbuttons another. PIERCE Keep going, you’ll find them eventually. The group approaches the entrance guarded by a beefy allAmerican BOUNCER. He waves everyone in, saying saying the the same thing to every patron. BOUNCER Hi, welcome to Buckets, home of The Bucket. Hi, welcome to Buckets, home of The Bucket... Shirley goes in, then Annie, holding her i.d. ANNIE Hi Y’all. I’m visitin’ from-BOUNCER Hi, welcome to Buckets, home of The Bucket. Oh.

ANNIE Well okay, then.

She walks right in. Britta, Jeff and Pierce are left. is a small step that he can’t get his wheelchair past. PIERCE Hey, a little help here? CHAD Oh I’m sorry, Sir. The handicap entrance is outside, around the corner. I could wheel you over there if you like.

There

14.


PIERCE I can do it myself! Are you trying to have sex with me? Pierce rolls himself away.

Britta and Jeff go i in. n.

INT. BAR - MOMENTS LATER Jeff, Britta Britta and Troy sit at a table near the bar. turns to Annie.

Shirley

SHIRLEY Oh, Annie, we’re over here. Annie doesn’t respond. SHIRLEY (CONT’D) Annie. Annie. Annie!

Annie.

A few people around Annie take notice. ANNIE Ah don’t know who you’re talkin’ to. Ma name’s Jasmine. SHIRLEY Oh, right, because of the fake-Wooo!

ANNIE Partay! Texas style!

Annie runs off. ON Jeff, Britta and Troy as Shirley wanders off a different way. JEFF So Troy, have you given any thought to your first order? TROY A beer? JEFF Beer? A beer changes nothing. You’ve already had beer. This is about making a statement. Listen carefully. Get yourself a Scotch. BRITTA Douche Juice. JEFF Single Malt.

15.


BRITTA Single Douche. JEFF Britta, we understand your position on Scotch and douching. Now Troy, do not look at a menu. Do not ask what they have. have. And do not not flag flag down a waitress with your hand. Watch. Jeff catches the eye of a WAITRESS and gives her a subtle nod. She comes over. WAITRESS Sir? JEFF If you’ve got a Talisker 21-yearold, I would like one, please. If not, a Glenlivet will do. And a glass of cold water, not tap. TROY Wow. BRITTA Don’t fall for that affected Entrepreneur Magazine Cigar Club crap. (to waitress) Vodka, any kind, in a big glass with four olives. olives. I like like me some olives. WAITRESS Vodka Neat? BRITTA That’s what you call it. Where I drink they call it “The Britta.” The waitress walks off. JEFF And you think I’m affected? You work twice twice as hard to fit fit in with your coolio vintage eyewear friends at Red Door. TROY I don’t know what any of this means! means!

16.


JEFF That’s what I’m here to teach you, just calm down and don’t listen to Coolio. TROY I think I’ll just get a Bucket. That seems to be their thing here. JEFF/BRITTA No!/No one here is getting a damn Bucket. Shirley sits down down with a bucket. bucket. It’s an oversized sweet drink in a souvenir mug shaped like a bucket. SHIRLEY This is so fun! What a rare treat! INT. BAR - CONTINUOUS Annie sits at another another end of the bar. up.

The BARTENDER BARTENDER comes

BARTENDER I’ll need to see some i.d. if you’re sitting at the bar. ANNIE Oh, well I’m not fixin’ to drink anything. BARTENDER It’s Buckets policy. Annie nervously hands him her fake i.d. BARTENDER (CONT’D) (re: i.d.) Corpus Christi, Texas. A guy nearby, TED, hears this and comes right over. TED No kiddin’. You from Corpus? Shit.

It’s showtime for Annie. ANNIE Born and raised. TED Whereabouts?

She throws herself in.

17.


ANNIE Oh, a tiny little neighborhood called Flour Bluff. TED Are you bullcrappin’ me? Bluff or South Bluff?

North

ANNIE South, down by Castle Park. TED Y’ever go catch redfish down there in Laguna Madre? ANNIE Yeah, the summers averaged 93.2 degrees. TED Well I can’t believe I’ve never seen you. Annie gets more nervous. TED (CONT'D) I’m there all the time. They call me the the Mayor Mayor of of Laguna Laguna Madre. Madre. I’m Ted Stanton. ANNIE I’m Jasmine. Jasmine Decker. TED Jasmine Decker? away.

I heard she passed

Caught, overwhelmed, Annie just starts making out with him. EXT. ALLEY - CONTINUOUS It’s a dangerous looking alley. No one’s around. Pierce sits in his wheelchair, pounding on the back door of Buckets. It’s locked and no one is answering. Hey!

PIERCE Someone’s out here!

He starts to roll away but his wheel gets stuck in a crack. He can’t roll out of it. PIERCE (CONT'D) (yelling at the door) This is how you treat handicappers? (MORE)

18.


PIERCE (CONT'D) This is not a safe entrance. blacks.

I saw saw

Pierce pulls out his pill bottle, pours out several pills and takes them all. INT. BAR - A WHILE LATER Jeff, Britta, Troy and Shirley sit at their table, now with a few cocktail cocktail glasses, glasses, some empty, empty, some some not. Shirley happily slurps down her bucket. All except except Troy Troy are tipsy. BRITTA No way can you tell the difference. JEFF I just did. BRITTA No, you peeked. You know the only difference between a five-dollar vodka and a twenty-dollar vodka? Thirty dollars. JEFF Boloney. There is a difference in the distillation process. BRITTA You’re a douche-stillation douche-stillation process. (calling out to waitress) I need more olives! SHIRLEY (calling out too) And I’m supposed to get free refills on my bucket! JEFF Troy, it’s getting close to midnight. midnight. What are you you gonna gonna order? TROY You know, I’ve been thinking about my uncle uncle Carl. He played played a big big role in my life. Taught me how to throw a football. He passed away this year, so I think I’ll have Uncle Carl’s favorite drink. A Seven and Seven. A beat, as this sinks in. in. him:

Then Jeff and Britta Britta both lay into

19.


JEFF/BRITTA That’s a pussy drink!/Don’t get that. JEFF Get something good.

Single malt.

BRITTA Vodka straight. JEFF Do not listen to her unless you want to be be hanging hanging out at freakin freaking g Red Door with the horn-rimmed poser coolios for the rest of your life. BRITTA Don’t listen to Douchy Houser. TROY I don’t know the difference between a douche and a poser and a pussy and a coolio! SHIRLEY I think I’ll just get another bucket. My kids love these things. Troy gets gets up to clear clear his head. He walks walks toward toward the bathroom. He p pulls ulls out his phone phone and dials it. TROY Come on, Abed, pick up. INTERCUT WITH: INT. ABED’S DORM ROOM Tight on Abed. He looks at his caller i.d. Barnes. He hesitates, then picks it up. ABED (pretending) This is Abed. Leave a message. TROY Abed, it’s you, it’s not your voicemail, I can tell. (beat) I think I can tell. It’s real subtle.

It says Troy

20.


ABED We shouldn’t be talking. your journey.

This is

TROY But it’s getting so weird. Everybody’s drunk, Jeff and Britta keep telling me what to do and I think Shirley’s an alcoholic. Just then, Troy sees Annie at the bar making out with Ted. TROY (CONT’D) And oh my God, Annie is giving a lap dance to some guy she just met. ABED You’re in the belly of the whale now. I can’t help you. Abed hangs up. EXT. ALLEY - CONTINUOUS Pierce is now high on his pain killers, talking to himself. Help!

PIERCE I’ve been left here to die! TINY SCOTT BAKULA (O.S.)

Pierce? Pierce looks looks down. At his feet, we see TINY SCOTT BAKULA BAKULA ride up on a rat. He is wearing a tuxedo. tuxedo. PIERCE Oh hello, Scott Bakula. Here to collect your poker money? TINY SCOTT BAKULA Nah, I know you’re good for it. just thought you could use some company.

I

PIERCE I sure could. TINY SCOTT BAKULA You're in a tight spot, but you’ll be just fine. The stars are out, it’s a beautiful night. Why don’t you join me in a smoke?

21.


Tiny Scott Bakula pulls out a tiny Sherlock Holmes pipe and lights it up. PIERCE I don’t have a Sherlock Holmes pipe. TINY SCOTT BAKULA Sure you do. Right there. He points to a normal-sized Sherlock Holmes pipe for Pierce. It’s on the ground ground right at his feet. Pierce leans leans down to pick it up. Just then then a HOMELESS MAN walks walks up. HOMELESS MAN Spare any change? PIERCE Can’t you see we’re busy? From the Homeless Man’s POV, we see what Pierce really picked up. A glass crack pipe. The homeless man backs away. INT. BAR BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS Troy splashes splashes water on his face. We see that the Bathroom Attendant is CHANG. CHANG. He and Troy make make silent, silent, awkward awkward eye eye contact as Chang hands hands him a paper towel. Troy dries off. Chang nods to the tip dish. Troy puts money in and leaves. leaves. INT. BAR - CONTINUOUS Troy walks walks up to the the table.

Jeff checks checks his his watch. watch.

JEFF Troy, it’s midnight. You’re up. Tonight’s the night you take the keys... we used to hunt mammoths... TROY You did the speech already. Let’s just do this and get it over with. Troy, Britta, Jeff and Shirley walk up to the bar, next to Annie, who is still kissing Ted. Ted. Relieved she has help now, she pulls away. ANNIE Ted, these are my friends. this is Ted.

Y’all,

TED Oh hey, are y’all from Corpus too? How do y’all know Jasmine?

22.


SHIRLEY Who the hell is Jasmine? Annie starts kissing him again. TROY Is everybody here? where where is Pierce? Pierce?

Wait a minute,

SHIRLEY I haven’t seen him all night. BRITTA They told him to go around to the handicap entrance. JEFF Yeah, he’s fine. TROY He’s fine? Nobody went to help him? Are you kidding me? EXT. ALLEY - MOMENTS LATER Troy bursts out the door just in time to catch Pierce lighting the the crack pipe. Troy grabs grabs it and tosses tosses it away. TROY No no no, that’s a crack pipe. INT. BAR - MOMENTS LATER Troy wheels Pierce up to the gang. TROY Don’t worry, he only smoked a little bit of crack. (to bartender) Okay, Seven and Seven. JEFF Glenfiddich! BRITTA Screw that. Do you know how to make a Britta? Britta? PIERCE (to Shirley) Hey, gimme some of your bucket. Pierce starts to to grab Shirley’s bucket.

She fends fends him off.

23.


SHIRLEY Get your own damn bucket! I’m having a special occasion up in here! They start start slap-fighting. slap-fighting.

Troy tries tries to break it it up.

TROY Come on, be adults here. Just then, Annie finally pulls away from Ted. ANNIE I’m sorry, I can’t do this. I’m not Jasmine Decker. I have a fake i.d. Apparently stolen from a dead girl. TED Hey, everyone has a secret or two. Full disclosure, I'm happily married. married. But that doesn't doesn't mean mean this party has to stop, does it? He goes to kiss her again. What?!

ANNIE You scumbag!

She starts punching him.

Troy has to break that up too.

TROY Annie, no! Just then, Britta grabs a customer’s drink and splashes it at Jeff. They start fighting. And the rat in Pierce’s pocket crawls onto onto the bar. The bouncer bouncer comes up and yells at Troy. BOUNCER You! Take your friends and get them the hell out of here! Troy grabs them all as best as he can and drags them out. Pierce blows the Bouncer an angry air kiss as he passes by. As they leave, we see the bartender set Troy’s drink down on the bar. bar. We stay on that that full glass as as we: FADE OUT. END OF ACT TWO

24.


ACT THREE FADE IN: EXT. SHIRLEY’S MINIVAN - THAT NIGHT Troy drives. Angry and disappointed. Annie is in the front seat next next to him, still still recovering recovering from Ted. Ted. Everyone else is drunk. Shirley still sipping her Bucket. SHIRLEY This was fun, why did we leave so soon? TROY We left because you all ruined my 21st birthday. I hope you’re happy. JEFF Troy, Troy, I’m really sorry it didn’t work out. But this is not my fault. fault. Everything Everything would would have have been perfect if you would have let me call call the the shots. shots. TROY I thought it was about me calling the shots. JEFF It was supposed to be, but you didn’t step up. BRITTA Leave him alone, he’s just a kid. PIERCE I’ll tell you what ruined tonight, it was that gay bouncer. Jeff sees something through the windshield (O.C.) JEFF There! There’s where we should have gone! That’s Johnny P’s right there. BRITTA That is not Johnny P’s. JEFF It sure is, look at the sign.

25.


INSERT shot of Johnny P’s Bar. BRITTA That place? We always called it Red Door because of the red door. What?!

TROY The?! F?!

Troy pulls off the road to a screeching screeching stop. lays into them.

He turns and

TROY (CONT’D) All this time, you two have been arguing about THE SAME DAMN BAR?! BRITTA Hey, Johnny P’s is Red Door, how about that? TROY No! No “how about that?” I looked up to you people! I thought you knew things. I wanted to be like you. You're just making it up as you go. SHIRLEY You’re right, they’re a couple of phonies. TROY Oh don’t you start, Shirley. This was not a “special “special occasion” occasion” for you, it was a Thursday! And no one stepped up to look after Pierce, who was talkin talking g to a rat. rat. Now I’m going to turn this car around and take you all home, and then I’m going to do what I should have done for my birthday, which is play a video game with my friend. A beat, then: BRITTA What has two olives? She proudly points her two thumbs at herself, each has an olive stuck on it. BRITTA (CONT'D) This guy!

26.


Britta and Jeff crack up as Troy pulls out. EXT. STREET OUTSIDE ANNIE’S APARTMENT - A LITTLE LATER Troy helps Annie out of the passenger side door. ANNIE Thanks for driving us. And for convincing Pierce he didn’t leave his house key in my butt. And for stopping and getting Shirley that milk shake shake on the way to to her place. place. TROY Well she wasn’t gonna shut up about it. ANNIE How’s it feel to be 21? TROY Not like I thought it would. There’s a moment as they connect. connect. hand. They hug.

She reaches reaches to shake his

TROY (CONT’D) Good night. EXT. SHIRLEY’S MINIVAN Troy is driving. A sloppy drunk Britta Britta leans up to talk to him, as a sloppy drunk Jeff nibbles at her ear. Hey.

BRITTA Troy. TROY

Yeah? BRITTA Why don’t you just, uh, just go to Jeff’s place. TROY Take Jeff home first? BRITTA No, just go to Jeff’s. (giggling, to Jeff) Do you have olives?

27.


JEFF Well I’ll have to check the fridge... His head disappears as he kisses her down the neck and beyond. Off Troy’s look of h horror, orror, we CUT CUT TO: INT. ABED’S DORM ROOM/TROY’S BEDROOM - SPLITSCREEN - LATER Abed and Troy both wear headsets as they play their videogame together. ABED So, how did tonight go? TROY You know what? It was okay. I was afraid of turning 21 because I thought I’d have to have things figured out by then. But I leaned that no one has anything figured out. No one knows a damn thing. ABED Cool. I knew it had to be your journey. Those guys are dorks. TROY You said it. Hey, when you turn 21, we’re gonna do it right. ABED I’m 28. TROY Okay this relationship just got a little creepier. FADE OUT. END OF ACT THREE

28.


TAG INT. STUDY ROOM - DAY Troy and Abed sit at the table, each holding a stack of Polaroids like playing cards. TROY Got any

29.

Community.209.Writers

Recommend Documents