Change Your Mind with EFT.pdf

Change

Your Mind! with EFT

The Emotional Freedom Techniques

Use this fast, easy system to move from pain, fear, illness & anger to joy, health, freedom, and success

by Angela Treat Lyon, EFT C-C

YourMind!

Change with EFT The cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body’s energy system.

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to Aaron and Isaac with all my love - every inch of it You are the best you are my rising stars.

Change

Your Mind! with EFT

the Emotional Freedom Techniques by Angela Treat Lyon, EFT C-C author of Change Your Mind! with EFT: The Illustrated Basic EFT Tapping Points plus Advanced Tapping Points and delightful The REAL Money Secrets Book: see TheRealMoneySecrets.com Second Edition EFT was originated by Gary Craig. In this book, I’ve used his Basic Recipe and Setup phraseology, Dr. Patricia Carrington’s idea of adding choices to Gary’s original Setup phrases, and Michelle Hardwick’s Prosperity Phrasing combined with a Temporal Tap sequence. other great EFT resources: Gary Craig: www.emofree.com Dr. Patricia Carrington: www.eftsupport.com Michelle Hardwick: www.hypnosistherapy.co.nz PLEASE NOTE: the Advanced Points are not part of Gary Craig’s Basic EFT Course, but are additional points I learned from acupuncture practitioners

Publisher of this E-Book: Behind the Seens Publishing 641 Paopua Lp • Kailua, Hawaii 96734 • USA

Text by Lyon & All illustrations © Lyon 2002, protected by International Copyright Laws All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the author.

[email protected] • see more Lyon Artwork at: www.Lyon-Art.com

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REMEMBER THIS: The cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body’s energy system. Gary Craig Originator of EFT

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contents 1*

2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20

Introduction ............................................ 6 What is EFT? ......................................... 11 Letter to Gary .......................................... 16 The Idea ............................................... 23 Jumping Right In ................................... 29 Illustrations of Tapping Spots .................... 35 Steps in Successful Navigation ................... 42 Questions ............................................. 46 Defining the Problem .............................. 62 Psychological Reversal .............................. 81 Taking Apart the Sequence ....................... 88 I Accept Myself Phrase ............................ 96 I Choose!/Dreaming .............................. 106 Aspects/Persistance ................................. 125 Chasing the Pain .................................... 136 Surrogate and Silent Tapping .................... 144 Tapping for the Physical .......................... 155 Make A Movie! ..................................... 185 Enlightenment, Prosperity, Creating ........... 195 Illustrations of More Tapping Spots ........... 213 Adios and Aloha .................................... 221

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Change Your Mind Introduction By the time you get to the end of this book, you will have learned how to use the Emotional Freedom Techniques to vastly improve your life. energy reclamation!

Instead of losing energy because of old or outmoded belief systems, emotions, values, actions and reactions, imagine being able to redirect your energy towards a life you much prefer! Imagine being able to re-choose what you want for your life! EFT can help you make that happen. I would like you to know EFT so you can be among the thousands of people world-wide who have gotten free from all kinds of pain and upset. learn how to use it on a regular basis to make your life just the way you want it. Learn how easy, fast, powerfully efficient and effective it is, and how you can use it not only for yourself, but others you care about. EFT was initiated by Gary Craig, a Stanford engineer who learned about energy work from Thought Field Therapy founder, Dr. Roger Callahan. Being a true engineer, Gary took Dr. callahan’s complex system and simplified it into what is now called EFT, the Emotional Freedom Techniques, today. I guess I’m a walking billboard for EFT - it’s helped me bring about such real, radical and lasting positive change in my own life. I made the decision to change my mind: about my beliefs, ideas, and values, emotions - about my whole life. My students and I have made fast, easy and dynamic changes in our lives since we started using EFT. Change your mind. Learn EFT Create a better life for yourself.

If we can, why can’t you?

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me/why this book?

I’m an artist. I specialize in oil painting, stone sculpture, writing and illustrating books, and animation. I love it the most when people tell me my work lights up their life. That’s about as good a motivating factor as any I can think of, and makes my day every time I hear it. Right alongside my passion for art, I’ve had a life-long interest in alternative healing. Over about a 30-year period I’ve trained in many systems and traditions right along with my continued, very extensive training in the visual arts. When I found Gary Craig’s website, it was easy to see EFT’s tremendous potential for self-healing. I devoured all the information I could get and started using it on myself. After a very short time, I had some incredible results. I wrote Gary an email detailing some of the experiences I had had as a result of having used EFT. Gary put my email in his internet newsletter, and I had emails from all over the world in response. One of these was from Dr. Patricia Carrington, an accomplished therapist who uses EFT in her practice in the USA. She’s the one who initiated the use of the Choices statement, which you will see used in this book. She liked the way I wrote, and told me she thought I should write a book on EFT.

yikes!

I went through a number of reactions to the idea - scared, shy, etc.: it would be my first “public” book. But people have told me time and again, “Angela, your life has been so amazing! You should write a book!” It’s true: my life has been a bit out of the ordinary, but up until now, I couldn’t for the life of me think of what I wanted to write. It would have to be something that would get me all fired up and excited. There are enough art books out there already - that wasn’t what I wanted to write about. I didn’t want to write kids’ books, although it would be fun to illustrate one. But nothing else came to mind, so I had always put the idea away. I never put 2 and 2 together to see that I could write on the very things that have plagued/ gifted me throughout my life, the ideas and issues that I am intensely interested in: living artfully, doing my best to live my potential, getting a handle on emotions and manifestation, expanding and refining my own consciousness, health and well-being. So I decided to write a manual for EFT users, since, to me, EFT provides the key I was looking for. It’s all well and good to think about or know about The Workings of the

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Universe, Quantum Physics and the theories behind it, that the Universe is One and all that. But just exactly how do we go about using all that information in a daily, practical way? EFT helps us do just that, and this is a book that will explain how. EFT is hands-down the easiest, fastest, simplest, most consistently effective tool I have ever used in my quest to improve my life. Not only does it work on what I don’t like about my life, I can use it to improve my life as well. It’s a simple, elegant, amazing tool. I know that once you start using it, you will find it as indispensable as I do.

focusing on blocks

I’ve noticed that the bulk of writing about energy therapies deal mostly with releasing pain, getting relief from this or that upset, handling blocks, limitations and restrictions. That’s obviously a very good place to start - if I have a two-ton block of stone sitting in front of my studio door, it’s going to be hard to get in, much less paint. Gotta remove that block. Down the line, major blocks and impediments are transformed into neutral energy. Once the blocks are gone, why keep focusing on them? Why not start focusing on what we would prefer to build and maintain? Empower ourselves and create a different experience for ourselves? We can use EFT to do all of that. So in this book you will read about energy; about intent, awareness, and attention; about using EFT to not only clear disrupted energy from our systems, but also creating, en-enhancing and expanding one’s life from an exciting new place of wholeness.

privacy

For the sake of privacy, I have changed the names of folks whose sessions I have recorded here. Some sessions have similar aspects, so I have sometimes compounded them into one. One person I will freely name here, though, is Freda, my housemate, my dear friend and ally. I spent a year and a half in Gore, New Zealand as Artist-in-Residence and Life Coach. That’s where I wrote this book. Without Freda, with whom I stayed the entire time, I could never possibly have had the great experience I did have. Such a kind, intelligent and loyal friend one would be lucky to find once in a million years. Isn’t it amazing that someone will actually put up with you day after day of your hiding out in your room, writing? Thank you, Freda!

details

The Great Scientific Discourses about the Hows and Whys of Healing and the Nature of

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the Universe will have to fall to the more detail oriented scientists and prove-it people to do: I’m someone who explores different territories and comes back to tell you what I’ve found. A hands-on personal explorer, dream-holder or torch bearer. So this book is written in a very informal fashion, just as if you are sitting right here with me.

experts?

I’ve read many many books by so-called experts on many subjects. I have tried their techniques, systems, and methods, with wildly various results. Since life really is a subjective experience, with one man’s help being another’s pain, I begin to wonder if there really is such a thing as an expert. Perhaps it might be more responsible to say someone has Great Expertise at something. Even Gary Craig, who initiated EFT, and has done thousands of sessions on himself and with other people, still refuses to call himself an expert. Such humility from such an extraordinary guy! Would that all of us could be so.

a disclaimer

In that light, I want to say that I am not an expert at EFT. I have expertise in a lot of things. I am an expert as regards my own feelings, my own depression. I am not an expert as to yours or anyone else’s, and don’t care to claim that I am. So know that this is written from the point of view of an ordinary person who has found an extraordinary tool; who has used it on herself and with others with magnificent results that are possible for you, as well. I am an artist, writer, minister, life coach/performance/success coach and counselor - not a physician, psychiatrist, psychotherapist, or physical therapist. My interest in EFT is in using it for myself and teaching it to others so they can use it, too. I care about the quality of my life, your life, and life in general. As such, I do my best to to do my best. Please note that I will never advise you to stop working with your present health professional, or to use EFT as a replacement for your physician or therapist. EFT is a very exciting tool, and I urge you to introduce your health care-giver to EFT! More and more professional health-care providers are using it - why not yours, too? If you are presently taking prescribed medication and/or working with a health professional of any kind, please keep on doing so. Only stop or modify your work with them when you both decide that it is appropriate to do so.

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recycle!

Some of us have mountains of pain. Some have little bits that hardly amount to a hill of beans. No matter what the perceived amount of pain, or how many problems we might have, I believe that every bit of the energy that goes into that pain can be transformed into energy that is re-usable. Personal recycling! It’s easy now, with EFT.

a request

Please be gentle with yourself using EFT. There are many reasons why we have phobias, fears, blocks and obstacles. Sometimes they come along to ride with us in the front seat - in certain parts of our past, we would have been in danger without them. We live with them serving us in some way, sometimes, for very long times. When they become inappropriate and when we can’t bear them anymore, we seek help. Use EFT to neutralize old pain, and take good care of you as you do so. Remember to dream up and choose a life you’d prefer to have - and focus on that, as you go along. Avoid being in a rush. EFT is help. BIG help. In using this big help, be kind and gentle with yourself. You deserve it. Be honest with how you feel Right Now, yet be Exquisitely Gentle with yourself as you take yourself through your process. That’s not to say you have to be a namby-pamby nicenice person as you move through your issues - scream yell and rant and rage if you like! But please, make sure you do it so no-one, including yourself, gets hurt.

EFT is intentionally designed to be as easy and pain-free as possible.

Let it be!

The old no-pain-no-gain idea is out!

So. Here it is. I hope you enjoy the book and get a lot out of it.

Angela Treat Lyon Gore, New Zealand 2003

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What is EFT? Chapter One

Remember this statement, because it is the basis of everything in this book: “The cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body’s energy system.” Gary Craig Founder of the Emotional Freedom Techniques

what is eft? EFT is a short, easily memorizable process for making dynamic, positive change in our lives. It is is based on the premise that the cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body’s energy system. It’s a combination of simple verbal statements along with the stimulation of specific energetic points on the body (points also used in acupuncture). This stimulation dislodges and dispels unwanted, disrupted energy, and allows our bodies’ natural energy flow to once again resume in a natural way.

who can use it?

EFT can be used by, on or for adults, children, babies, plants and animals, both tame and wild, near and far. We can use it on ourselves, friends, family, business associates and clients. We stimulate points on the meridians of the body, the mind/body system, as we focus on, or tune in to, problems, issues or choices. During this process, the energy that has been tangled up within us is released and flows freely. EFT is almost too simple. It’s a process that is elegant, dynamic and effective. In its combination of psychology and energy, EFT can be used to address problems in just about any area of our lives: physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, relational, financial, sexual, recreational, and more.

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body/mind

Just as wave and particle, explicit and implicit, are two aspects of the same thing, manifest and unmanifest, body and mind are two aspects of the same thing.

separate units

In the past, it was assumed that the mind and the body were separate units. No-one was really sure where the mind was. In the early 14 and 15th centuries, it was “common knowledge” that the mind was in the belly. In other times and various cultures, the mind was believed to reside in the heart or the liver, even outside of our bodies. Now it is more widely recognized that each of us is an integrated body/mind/spirit system. It is also recognized that the energy in the body plays a massively important role in our physical/mental/emotional makeup. Mental and emotional blockages can impede physical functioning. Physical and emotional blockages can impede mental functioning. Physical and mental blockages can impede emotional functioning.

What it all boils down to is that if there is a blockage, or disruption, in the energy system, whether physical, emotional, mental or spiritual, our ability to live a full life will be impeded. clues

If there is a blockage somewhere, it will come to the surface in one system or the other to let us know there is something wrong. These are symptoms, clues, messages, red flags to which we need to pay attention in order to 1) know there is a block, and 2) be able to clear it away, and 3) choose something better. The symptoms can vary immensely - from acne to cancer to a tickle in the throat, a pounding heart, sweating, clammy palms, a headache or an itch. It can manifest as a fear of heights, a phobia of spiders, water or open spaces. It can show up as a tendency to get cold, to feel depressed, to fall asleep or fidget. Now we can choose EFT to help us get as free from restriction, pain, discomfort, upset or dissatisfaction as we can.

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All any symptom means is that there is a disruption in the energy system of the body. When we see any symptom, we then know there is a disruption. eft CAN HELP expand specific health aspects general health physical comfort public speaking ability sport performance abilities dance, singing, & other performance ability to learn self-esteem

improvement for people in permanently compromised physical, mental or emotional states improved ability to communication - for relationships of all kinds the ability to receive and create prosperity the ability to handle and increase money improve business and much more.

EFT Relieves what?

Here is a partial list of some of the problems thousands of people of all ages all over the world have gained relief from: headache chronic pain traumatic memories of: war, rape, abuse or molestation fears and phobias depression limiting beliefs, emotions or habits anger, rage, tension weight gain/weight loss nail-biting anxiety and despair fear of public speaking performance anxiety chronic negative attitude self-doubt and self-hatred confusion and foggy mind all kinds of cravings and addictions many kinds of physical illness nightmares; fear of dentistry

big/small

Using EFT, we can rapidly clear blockages from our energy systems, producing greater comfort, peace and pleasure in our lives. The disruption can be miniscule, simple, enormous or complex. EFT can be used to address any of them. Notice I say “address.” As far as I know at this writing, no-one at this point claims to have had 100% success with clearing all problems with EFT. Maybe one day we will. As EFT practitioners, we are encouraged to say that EFT’s success rate has been very conservatively estimated at 20 to 60%. However, in my own use of EFT, I’ve experienced a very much higher rate than that - more like 95% - using EFT on myself, and on clients and

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Change with EFT The cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body’s energy system. groups. This is about what most EFT practitioners who use it professionally say, as well. EFT enables us to clear blockages from our energy systems. This clearing results in the body’s ability to return as far as possible to its natural state of ease and health.

Remember: whatever the symptom, it simply indicates a disruption in the energy system of the body. Who can benefit from EFT? Adults, children, babies, plants and animals, both tame and wild, near and far. Have a load of fun while you’re at it - remember that this isn’t a dress rehearsal - this is LIFE! Make it as good as you can while you can! This exploration with EFT is a journey, a great experiment! We have a good idea what it is capable of, yet there is so much more we still have to learn. Use EFT on everything, and see what results you can get!

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Fear or upset can produce in your body’s energy yuk tangles system. When the energy system is tangled up, you feel limited in movement or ability, blocked, or any number of other unwanted or unpleasant sensations or situations.

ahhh!

By simply tapping on some specific points on the body as we state specific phrases, our energy can start to flow freely again, and the unpleasant or unwanted feelings dissipate.

Now that the energy in your body is flowing freely, you can and do feel good again!

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The Letter That Started It All Chapter two an email This is the letter I sent to Gary Craig, telling him what I had experienced with my first uses of EFT.When I sent it, I had no intention that anyone else would ever read it! I assumed that he had so much correspondence that he’d probably take ten years to get to even read it, and that would be that when he did. I had no idea that he was as up on his correspondence as he is. He called me within a couple days of my sending it! Since I wasn’t in, he left a message asking my permission to use my email in his website newsletter! Imagine my surprise to find a message from him left for me! It was 11 at night, his time, when I called him back. He was a little groggy, about to fall asleep. I had thought it was 10, late but acceptable, in my book. I realized as soon as I heard his voice that it was too late. Uh-oh. Oh well, here we go, I thought. We talked for a couple minutes, then signed off. In that brief few words, he hit on something that shook my tree big time.

a newbie!

He asked me how long I had been using EFT. I told him, only a month or so. “Oh, he said, you’re a newbie!” Being where I was at that point in my life, I took that comment as a derisive remark. That I wasn’t good enough, that I was “only” a newbie. I didn’t get it right away that those were my own inner critical voices. And that, in order to feel better, all I had to do was tap on what I had heard. I felt insulted, and took what he said personally. I was therefore surprised when I saw my email on his site.

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Here it is (and I have long-since tapped on taking things personally!). You will read more later on in this book about the writing on our walls, or personal scripting.

“Newbie uses EFT on depression, allergic reactions and more” Hi Everyone, In recent times I have been corresponding with Angela Treat Lyon, an EFT newbie from New Zealand. As you can tell from her letter below, she has been diligently using EFT on herself with remarkable success on a wide variety of issues. At the end she details some of her healthy self-realizations which, of course, are typical of the cognitive shifts and belief changes that come about with EFT. This letter should be particularly useful for EFT’ers to give to skeptical newbies. It provides impressive evidence of EFT’s possibilities and carries additional weight because it comes from another newbie - a peer, if you will. Hugs, Gary Craig My letter to Gary Gary -

August 2002

First I want to say how grateful I am that you have found (evolved, discovered, hit upon - ???) the EFT process. It has been an absolutely amazing journey over the past month that I have been using the technique - I can tell you my life has changed so radically it blows me away - my attitude is so great even I notice it! After almost 40 years of depression that’s a big one Anyway -

training background

I’m an American artist living in New Zealand, currently in the position of Artist in Residence for Gore’s public Art Gallery. I’ve spent a lifetime in the realm of art, developing

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sculpture and painting to the point that I finally can say something of what I feel through them. I am also an ordained minister and life coach, and I have trained in the metaphysical and healing arts, from rebirthing and past life regression to hypnotherapy, Druid Dreaming and channeling to Philipino psychic surgery, esoteric HUNA and other ethnic studies; Reiki, Holographic Repatterning, Brain Balancing and Neural Integration, NLP, the Avatar courses, as well as various communication and mediation skills and systems.

eft is awesome!

I mention all this in order to say that, in all my life, with all the various discipline and modalities I have studied, esoteric or not, EFT is the one technique I have gotten the very most out of in the very shortest time. I am awestruck. So I thought I’d write and tell you about a few very striking breakthroughs I have experienced in only the past 3 weeks -

the dentist

1) I’ve had some of the most horrendous experiences at the dentist - from experiencing the shock of having had the wrong tooth pulled out to multiple root canals done all at once with ineffective novacain, to sexual molestation in the chair when I was a young teen. Needless to say, it’s been a bit of a struggle to get myself to the dentist for anything at all. I lost a filling 2 years ago - I finally made up my mind to have it taken care of last week. That’s how bad it was - I just DID NOT want to go. I couldn’t get to sleep the night before I was to go - lying in bed sweating, heart beating, not able to breathe - in such a state of panic, in fact, that I forgot about EFT, which I had been assiduously applying to every other aspect of my life for the last 3 weeks since I had learned about it. Finally, at 3 a.m., my mind cleared enough that I remembered EFT, and I did about five rounds of “even though....”s: I can’t remember what to say, I don’t know what to say, I’m panicking, I can’t sleep, and I’m never safe in the world. After that last one, which seemed like the core of the issue, I slept soundly and got up at 8 with no feeling of having lost hours of sleep and energy to panic whatsoever.

intention

Everything went well until he appeared with the Long Needle. My heart flew out of my mouth and ran out down the street, with my mind right after it - I was a quivering blob of jelly in the chair, mindless and feeling like I was about to die.

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All my being knew was that here was a man who was traumatizing and attacking me, and I was trapped in this chair. My mouth was frozen open with a constricted gag at the back of my throat. My hands were so tight on the arms of the chair I was surprised I didn’t break them off. BUT - this time I remembered there was something I could do, even though that was all I knew - I once again couldn’t remember what to do or say, and I thrashed about with what was left of my mind until I finally, in desperation, said quite loudly (internally that is), “I can’t remember what to say, YOU do it.” And it did. Whatever IT is, it did it. In 2 seconds flat, I was calm as could be, my mind was back, serene and calm, and my heart had returned to its normal place within my chest, at a normal heart rate. I was astounded. From that moment on, the rest of the visit was fine, no more trauma, no more pain or perceived about-to-be pain. At all.

GC COMMENT: This is a first class example of doing EFT with intention only (no

tapping). This can be a very useful tool in some circumstances. Please note below the important cognitive shift that accompanied this “round” of EFT. ANGELA CONTINUES: And what is really cool is that the perceived trauma and attack ideas were gone, replaced with a complete reframe, that “this man is actually doing me a service.”

allergic reaction

2) Another experience concerns allergic reaction. I had a near-fatal bout with heavy metals, starting 12 years ago, that took several years to work itself out. The cleansing process was intense and very painful. It eventually included the purging of substances from vaccinations and environmental poisons that I had been exposed to over the years, as well as the metals (cadmium, mostly - I was told it was from second hand smoke - my parents smoked like chimneys). My kidneys took a beating, as did my liver and adrenals, and as a consequence, I still break out in terrible rashes if I eat or even smell certain substances or foods (like tomatoes, potatoes, or wheat, modern perfumes, hairspray, enamel paints or gasoline fumes). This time, I had had a little wheat that was in a soup a friend had made. In the middle of the night I awoke to swollen, burning, histamine-filled, rash-covered hands. The rash itches so terribly that they MUST be scratched or insanity is soon to follow. But then, if you scratch enough to relieve it, it suddenly stings like crazy, even bleeds, and the next day the

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hands and/or feet are swollen to the point of being balloons affixed to the ends of the arms, useless and painful for a minimum of three days. This time, remembering my dentist experience, I was prepared! I said, even though I am having this reaction, I.... and so on - it only took about 6 rounds before I could actually feel the swelling start to go down. I did about 10 rounds in all, covering some lingering stuff, and the swelling went down, the itch completely subsided, and I went right back to sleep.

paint fumes

3) Today as I was painting our front door with enamel paint, the swelling and itching tried to come, and I immediately started EFT by saying, “even though I’m painting with this enamel paint and am afraid I will react, I ....” and within about a minute it was gone. This is such a fabulous thing. I can’t tell you the hours I have spent dealing with hands and feet too swollen to even think about using them, much less wanting to feel them. Hours crying and frustrated and in pain. Having to avoid favorite foods, having to ask friends to not to use wheat, sugar, dairy, etc. in any food they gave me. Having to avoid fumes and paints and such. I even lost a friend because her perfume was so strong it literally made me choke - I gagged every time I was around her. Bummer. Having this amazing tool doesn’t mean not be careful, by any means, but it does mean I can deal with what comes to me. The feeling of helpless/hopeless has left, the life-long depression has almost gone, the hatred for my life is gone and there is a new horizon in front of me where there was darkness and an angry, sad, constricted future before.

forgetting the process

When I first started using EFT, my mind was so foggy that I couldn’t remember much of the protocol past the first stage. I’d get to the end of it, and then forget what I was doing. Eventually I just did the chest-tap with the even-though statements. Finally I figured out that I could tap for remembering the statements....! That alone was enough - it got me present and dealing with Now, and it allowed me to go deeper and deeper to get at the yeah-buts.

accepting myself

EFT has allowed me to really - REALLY - accept me. As I am, here and now, no-one else’s opinion matters. I had to fight with it - I didn’t want to accept myself, I couldn’t, I hated myself, I hated myself hating myself, and so on - but at the end a wave of something light and soft went through me and all that fight was gone. And the constant fogginess is being

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replaced with clarity. That alone would be worth the whole thing. After years of people telling me I ought to take drugs for the depression, now I can say I’m so very glad I didn’t. What’s happening now is that when I get to the end of a hard issue, there is a new thing that happens. Here’s a good one to illustrate:

family pain

Tonight I was looking at how I have hidden out behind my artwork since I was a kid, and realized it was that I felt unimportant to my family. I think I most likely started hiding behind it to give myself something to do, something in which to be involved to be able to say I’m busy when I want to be left alone (and too hurt to ask for inclusion), and something to say hey look at this, aren’t I good? Aren’t I important to you? Don’t you love me? Hard to admit that to myself. When I realized that I was of no importance to them I cried and cried. Then I tapped on it - only the chest points - I couldn’t get myself to do the full round - but it only took two rounds of “even though I am devastated that I am of no importance to my family” to go from a 10 to a 0. At the end of the session I finally got to the place where I could say, hey! I’m bloody 56 years old! Do I REALLY NEED their approval??????

freedom

Now here’s what is new: when I got to zero, there was such a lightness and calm sense of space and possibility inside and all around me that I lay there just feeling it. It was an expansion, a fillingness, a lightness, a NEWness that I had never felt before. THIS is what I have been waiting for - for how long? THIS is what freedom is: a completely new awareness of self and possibility in self that had never before existed for me, or been available, a brand new state of mind. I believe it really is true what Harry Palmer, the creator of the Avatar course, says:

All possibilities of reality exist simultaneously. Imagine what we can be, do and have when we realize that we truly are creating our reality, our experience, at every moment, at every choice.

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Imagine how easy it really is to slip from one reality to the next, just by making the choice to choose, to be present and to converse with what is happening inside ourselves at the very moment we would ordinarily slip into Old Pattern. Awesome. EFT is awesome. I bless you and thank you for it every day. Love to you Angela Treat Lyon P.S. A few days ago I did a setup that included Pat Carrington’s choice statement setup even though I am experiencing a reaction (I didn’t know to what), I deeply and completely accept myself, and I CHOOSE to experience radiant, optimum health from now on. I haven’t had one break out or rash or puffy eyes since. Incredible. Now to work on the “starving artist” syndrome!

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The Idea Chapter three

energy work In my view, a person who works with energy bases his work on the idea that the essence of everything in the universe is frequency, including the energy systems of our bodies. Energy work is based on the premise that the universe is like a hologram. Every part of a hologram contains the essence of the whole of the entire hologram. If one part of the hologram shifts, the rest of the hologram moves to accommodate that shift. That way:

If I change my perceptions, I change my whole world. the pond/the mind

Let’s say I’m standing at the side of a pond. There are some big rocks out in the middle, sticking up out of the water. Some nice trees on them, even a little beach around one of them. Pretty, isn’t’ it? It’s a still day, the water is so smooth it’s like glass. You throw a pebble, watch the ripples. They go all the way out to the rocks and the little sandy beach. You watch as they hit the rocks and sand, and come reflecting back to you, criss-crossing each other and becoming a mess of tangled wavelets till finally, exhausted, they smooth out and the water is quiet again. I like to be very simplistic. I like to compare our minds with that pond. As children, our minds are like that pond: smooth, unfettered, available for massive input. Experiences and information are poured upon/into that mind/pond every day from even before birth. Each element of sand or stone in that pond can be compared to a unit of information, or an experience.

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little bit little bit

One little grain at a time, those elements build up under the water, some just lying there calm as you please. Some stick to others until they become, together, great hulking boulders that stick up and make it known they are definitely there and not to be argued with! Some are more friendly, and lie as solid foundations upon which to safely rest. And there’s mud near parts of the pond’s border, shallow at the edge but becoming deep in places, sticky, slimy, full of reeds and debris from storms, and unsafe to go near. You can’t see it but you know it’s there. Islands form, with white sandy beaches, trees and picnic spots.

ripples

You throw in another pebble. It falls to the bottom, and stays there. Its ripples ring out and out and out, and finally reach the rocks and sandy shore of that little beach. Each experience we have is like that pebble. It impacts us, falls to the bottom of our mind. That’s that, we have another experience. Fact. And, the ripples go freely out and out and out into our consciousness, until they hit any obstacles. The nature of the ripple demands that they transform in any of several different ways after hitting the obstacle: they become integrated with the energy of the obstacle;they are aggravated into a bigger ripple; or are de-energized, neutralized, and then disappear. The nature of the obstacle is irrelevant. A ripple will act the same way whether it hits a rock or a shoe or a piece of bread or even a thought. If that obstacle is removed, the energy of that ripple will continue out unhindered.

life goes on

As my life progresses, my mind, my pond, my inner environment, grows as well. Eventually, I might have a mountain of pain right in the middle of my pond, depending on how I have received and perceived each pebble. I might also have islands that are fantastic oases, where I can go for R&R; and deep places to swim and access Inner Knowing. There will be quagmires and swamps of confusion and misguided thinking, and there will be deep holes of fright or depression, where I might fall in and feel like I’ll never get out. There will be cliffs of despair and long roads around the pond that go absolutely nowhere. There will be a dry section, a part that looks like moonscape, where it seems life cannot exist at all. Great thick fogs that come as blessed relief to too much thinking. Forests, fields, beaches, hills, rivers and streams will appear all around my mind/pond. How rich a mind can be!

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beliefs

What if I had a belief that I can’t do anything right? Where did that come from? How does it affect my everyday life? My relationships? My ability to function in the world? It’s a common theory in energy work that those beliefs are like the rocks that stick up out of that still pond. When good things come to me, they get deflected off my beliefs - those big rocks - and I don’t get to experience having those good things because they’re pushed away from me before I can taste them. Not only that, but the surface of the pond may be so stirred up by the weather - or intensity of feeling, like a raging storm or a long, dreary rain - that I can’t focus or see straight. So these limiting beliefs, these enormous piles of energy, act as buffers against the good things that come to me. And, they act as magnets that pull in energy like them as well. So not only do I not get the Goods, but I accumalate the Bads, too! Gross! Who needs that?

an illustration

Let’s say that one day, when I was five years old, my dad came home from work. He’s tired and grumpy from a long day at a job he hated, and the hour-long train ride/20 minute drive home. He sees me riding the back of the old living room couch. To me, it’s a horse! The pretty embroidered hand-made throw rug with all those little round mirrors sewn onto it that he got in India after the war are crumpled up under me like an old horse-blanket. My little red cowboy hat is thrown back in the wind of my imagination, my hand is waving in the desert air, and I’m screaming “Eeeeehaa!” in a free zone of delight. My cheeks are flushed with the pleasure of the ride. The creaking of the old wooden joints sound to me like the romantic creaking of old, worn leather, saddle and harness. Dad comes in and barks at me, “Get off there! That couch is too old to take your weight like that! It’ll break! And what is this stupid thing you’re shrieking? Get off there right now - can’t you do anything right? Be quiet for once, like a little girl ought to be!”

pebbles become mountains

Every word, every experience, is a pebble thrown into that mind/pond. The thrill of the ride atop the old couch, the cry of the wild cowgirl imagining herself far out in the wilderness under a blazing desert sky, the mirrored blanket beneath, the creaking saddle -

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Change with EFT The cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body’s energy system. As well as - her father’s anger and enormous presence, his and her fear of doing something wrong, his accusations that she is too heavy (this was not the only time he implied I was “too heavy” - when we drove over small local bridges he’d point to the tonnage limit sign and tell me I should probably get out since I was over-limit - he thought it was hilariously funny), his fear that she will break the couch, be stupid, not do anything right, never being quiet or at ease or a “proper” little girl - whew! - each of these elements came to make up the elements of my mind/pond.

where do they go?

Some of these pebbles fall to the bottom and stay as firm foundations upon which we can safely walk. But there are some that are so energized that they seek out others just like them - whether we would perceive them as “good” or “bad” - and zip right off to be with them. Some creep around to the muddy part of the edge and slip in with other slimy particles. Some rush out to stick on the enormous rock right smack in the middle. Some simply rush around and cause a lot of confusion and an inability to stay present.

pain

I don’t remember the majority of my experience as a child. I spent most of my time in a world of my own creation, not having much to do with anyone or anything. I lived in a fog, a fantasyland occupied by me and me only. I knew somehow that if I was fully awake, I would feel overwhelming pain. I simply did not want to feel at all. I look back at my childhood and there are a few distinct memories. Times of great fun and hilarity, affection, and acceptance. Some with people floating in and out; sharp points here and there, and long spans where there is only a white, feathery nothingness. Some very long, very bleak, black times. I think I padded my mind with nothingness in order not to feel the pain of being. Of feeling different, of feeling out of place.

comparisons

Some might argue that I had relatively little pain in comparison to the sufferings of others. This is probably true - but how can one judge one person’s pain, either quantitatively or qualitatively, against another’s? It’s an entirely subjective experience. A tiny hurt to me might be an enormous chasm of terrible hurt, so awful that I might think ending it all would be the only known way out. My hurt came from the spoken word, especially if shouted, a perception of being unwelcome, and the lack of affectionate touch.

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Other people’s hurt comes from physical and/or sexual abuse, mental neglect, spiritual emptiness, a thwarting of life purpose, religious rigidity - there are as many forms of hurt out there as there are people - maybe more.

reactions

And there are as many reactions to pain. My own reaction was to freeze, go within and retreat - completely. It took weeks, sometimes months, to come out again after an incident. I seemed to function on the outside, but inside I felt dead, stopped in my tracks. I would spend hours chewing on all the reasons why I was so hurt, mentally telling the person who I perceived had Done Me Wrong how I felt and what I was going to do to them. In reality, I never would do those things - I wouldn’t have had the courage or the actual inclination. I really wouldn’t want to hurt anyone anyway - it just isn’t part of my nature to do so. I just wanted acknowledgement, affection, and appreciation - like anyone does.

the truth

From as far back as I can recall, I felt overwhelmed, overpowered, helpless, and powerless, and - simultaneously, explosively enraged about it. I didn’t have a clue what to do about it, or even if there was anything I could do about it. The world seemed to be solid in its ways, and I thought I just had to go along as best I could.

blame

By the time I was a teenager, I blamed my parents (and of course my older brothers) for everything that I thought was wrong in my life, in our family, in the world. I had the tough and strong act down. I became cynical and rude, training myself to use the dirtiest, nastiest curse words I could find, and combing the dictionary for words so I could appear clever. Nothing I uttered was positive or life-affirming. My parents were appalled by the things I said. I tried hard to be “one of the guys,” because it obviously wasn’t “it” to be a girl. Being a girl meant being a slave in the kitchen, and being “nice.” I very definitely did not feel nice. I knew of no way to ameliorate my perceived pain of the fact of being alive, and I thought I had only myself to depend on. I struggled to get by. Mistake after mistake. I experimented with cigarettes, boys, drugs, alcohol, religion, the metaphysical, healing processes and mindtraining, but at the end of the day I was still unhappy. Depressed. Broke. Broken. How would my life have been if I had known about Avatar, Holographic Repatterning, or EFT?

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Here’s the point

So now I do know about these processes and tools. I can look back and heal some of those hurts. I can be present, and I can monitor and shift my attitudes, beliefs and behavior so I can feel comfortable and happy. For the first time since I can remember, I am not depressed. For the first time since I can remember, I KNOW I CAN. That simple. I had always had an underlying fear that I couldn’t do “it” - whatever that meant - “it” was so huge it was too scary to really look into, and now that those feelings are gone, there is peace. This is a revelation, a miracle, to be out from under that pressure. I can even - gasp! - say I’m happy!

Holographic Universe

I was rereading an older book recently called Creativity in Business, by Michael Ray and Rochelle Myers. It was written in 1986, and is still crisply relevant. It speaks about the concept of how very important it is to simply be ourselves, and about delving into our deepest, most creative, energizing, empowered sources. I call it the Deep Self. They speak about thinking of the universe as a hologram, and how our perceptions form our personal perceptions of the world. This means that our thoughts have a primary effect on what we experience as our world, and that what is contained in our minds is manifested on the “outside” of us as the world. Meaning that the universe and its seeming solidity is actually a mental construct. “Truly,” as the sages say, “The world is as you see it,” and your inner creative ability is powerful indeed.”

Jump!

Are you ready to take a Quantum Leap? Are you ready to actively choose a more fun, easier, more pleasurable way of life? Because now we’re going to jump right in.

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Jumping In Chapter four

APPLES: LOOK OR EAT? Which would you rather have me do: tell you about apples, or try one out yourself? OK, maybe you don’t like apples. How about papayas? Either way, it’s obvious that you’ll know more about papayas if you try them yourself - even if you only take one little teensy bite - than if I spent the next ten years telling you about them. We’re going in running. Let’s just get on with it. I could tell you about EFT all night long, but until you experience it, you won’t have a real idea about what it can do.

an experiment

Is any small thing you would rather not be experiencing or feeling in your life right now, this very minute? A physical pain, or a memory, maybe? Write down on a sheet of paper what it is. It can be anything: a headache, a sore back, a knee pain, or a toothache. Or, you might be worrying about something, feeling anxious, or feeling lazy! Maybe it’s 3:00 p.m., and an afternoon slump has hit you. You might be drowsy, or foggy-headed. Or it’s late at night and you’re reading because you can’t sleep, or your feet are cold. Maybe you want something but you don’t know quite what, so you’re inclined to reach for ice cream or a candy bar. A cigarette, or a beer, maybe. The feeling of wanting - craving - is enough to make you lose attention on whatever it is you were doing. Maybe it’s not a pain at all but a longing. Or frustration because you can’t do something you want to do - you have to give a speech tomorrow, and just thinking about the stage, never mind going up on it and giving a forty-five minute talk, makes you nauseous.

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RATING I have a headache at the top of my head 8 My tooth is throbbing 6 I feel sleepy 8

Or perhaps you are a student and have to take a test tomorrow. You’ve studied and know the material, but are still freaked out by the idea of being tested. Or you could be a world-class surfer who has never told anyone about your fear about falling off big waves. You brave it out, over-ride your fear every time you go out, but it sits in the pit of your stomach like a lead ball each time. Find your own. Write it down.

Feel it Remember: It’s alright to feel like this!

It’s not a character fault! If we don’t feel, chances are we’re dead or on our way. In order to find out how to resolve something, we have to identify it first. Feeling it is how we find the problem.

1 0 Feel the pain/emotion/sensation 9 Be with it as much as you can without hurting yourself. It is not the point to traumatize yourself! 8 Where is it in your body? How would you describe it to me? Is it sharp, dull, an ache, just a feeling of 7 being squashed? Is it intense, or light, or maybe hot? Does it come in waves, or is it erratic? If it’s not in your body, is it in your mind? How does it feel? 6 Tiring, black, heavy, nauseating? Does it have a sound or a shape? A color or texture? Someone’s voice? Describe it to yourself very well. 5 Name it, and write it down. 4 rating the sensation Let’s say that you have a big thermometer that measures intensity of feeling. 3 It’s marked with intervals from zero up to ten, with ten being the highest in intensity. 2 What rating would you give the intensity of your feeling or sensation? If 1 it’s hard to imagine a number for the rating, guess. Your intuition will most likely be right. This number is only a reference point so when you’re done with this short process you’ll be able to see where you came from. Write the number down.

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being able to notice

If you have marked the intensity of your feeling at only a one or two, find another one that has at least a five rating, just so you can notice a difference when you’ve finished the exercise. If you can’t find one right now, go back to a time when you had a troubling pain, experience or emotion. Use that.

be kind to yourself

Be responsible for your well-being - whether you are feeling a present sensation or one from the past. For now, avoid choosing one that is really (a nine or ten) distressing - this is just an exercise! EFT is meant to be pain/distress-free. I’m just making a point here, not trying to get you into extreme pain or paroxysms of raging emotion!

an experience Let’s see what a hands-on, immediate, tangible experience of EFT is like. Now. You have a sensation that you have named and described on your sheet of paper. You have rated this sensation, and written down the rating.

illustrations Go to the illustrations in Chapter 5, Illustrations of the Tapping Points to see the

positions your hands must take in order to do the tapping: you’ll need to know the Karate Chop Point and the Tapping Points. Here are the steps of the process you will use:

1. the setup

As you tap the tips or the ends of the fingers of one hand against the Karate Chop Point (as in the diagram), you say the Setup Phrase. The setup phrase acknowledges the pain (speak it out loud). You say: even though I have this pain/feeling/sensation (this anger, fear, craving, worry) Still tapping the Karate Chop Point, you continue and say: I deeply and completely accept myself

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Altogether it will look/sound like this: even though I have this pain/feeling/sensation (this anger, fear, craving, worry) I deeply and completely accept myself Repeat these phrases so that you have said them three times, as you simultaneously and continually strike the Karate Chop Point. Please strike the Karate Chop point firmly, but without hurting your hands!

Important note: Don’t worry that, by saying these things, you might be installing these nega-

tive things into your system - they’re already there, or you wouldn’t be thinking of them or feeling them! All you’re doing is letting them come out as the truth about how you feel right now.

2. the sequence

Next, proceed to the top Tapping Point (at the tip of one of your eyebrows). With the tips of your first and second fingers, tap on each face point, moving down to the collarbone and underarm points. Tap firmly about 5 to 7 times on each point as you repeat the words “this pain (feeling, sensation)” as you go down the line of tapping points. There are seven points. Make sure you find and tap each one. Tap the same intensity you would as if you were drumming the table in impatience - it’s about that same firmness. Not so hard that you hurt or bruise yourself!

NEW RATING I have a headache at the top of my head 4 My tooth is throbbing 2 I feel sleepy 5

3. check your new rating

At the end of the tapping sequence, check the intensity rating for your pain/emotion/sensation. Is it the same? Lower? Higher? Write down your results, and any notes you might want to add.

try again

If the rating is the same or higher, repeat the process. Write down your results, and any notes you might want to add.

again

If there is little or no movement or the rating is higher, try again. This time, try rubbing the Sore Spot for the Setup Statements. Just for fun, you may want to add the Finger Points and the Gamut, seen in Chapter 5, Illustrations of the Tapping

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NEW RATING I have a headache at the top of my head 0 - gone! My tooth is throbbing 0 I feel sleepy 0 - I feel great!

Points. Do your best to get down to zero, but if you remain at a livable one or two, it’s OK. Write down your results, and any notes you might want to add.

good!

You have now completed your first experience using EFT.

Congratulations!

By this time, you ought to have had some movement of the energy in your system. Many people experience their pain disappearing, their emotions calming, or craving going away.

Breathing often becomes deeper and fuller. Some people sigh or yawn. Some get shivers down the back or other part of the body. In the interest of experimentation, I want you to get a taste of the process of EFT. I can’t possibly forecast what might happen for you. I hope you got relief from whatever pain or unwanted feeling you were experiencing, and that you feel better than before. Your own sensations and your own notes are tangible evidence that you have just taught yourself the basics of a tool with which, if you so choose, you can change the quality of your life.

a recap: Feel it. Be specific: the more carefully you can notice what you feel, the more you can clear and heal.

Let’s say you have a pain or an unwanted sensation or feeling. The more specific you can be the better. Instead of “I have a headache,” for instance, use “I have a headache in the top part of my head on the right side.” Feel to see what something is, where it is, how it feels, and how much intensity it has. Identify it, what ever “it” is!

Rate it/Write it down.

Give it a number - what intensity level is it at for you? If you can’t “see” a thermometer or “hear” a number, or feel a level of intensity - guess! Write it down!

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Setup and I Accept Statement As you tap on the Karate Chop point, or rub the Sore Spot, repeat three times: even though I have this __________________ , I deeply and completely accept myself or I want to love and accept myself or I am willing to think about loving and accepting myself

Examples of accept phrase for kids: I’m a great kid or My Mom loves me

Tap the Sequence Eyebrow point Side Eye Under eye Under nose Chin Collarbone Underarm Rate/Write.

What is your intensity rating now? Write it down. Note down anything you noticed: a memory from the past, or an insight. How does your body feel? Maybe you feel generally brighter and happier all over.

Look.

Look, feel, go over what you’ve done.

The implications are amazing, yes?

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Chapter five

Illustrations of the Tapping Points

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the basic tapping points 1 EB (eyebrow) 2 SE

(on the bony ridge at the side of the eye)

(under nose)

4 UN

(chin)

3 UE (on

the bony ridge under the eye)

5 CH

(either collarbone tip)

6 CB

this spot is about 4 fingers’ width down from the armpit

7 UA

(under arm)

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the tapping sequence 1

2 3 4

firmly strike the Karate Chop Spot on one hand with the combined flattened fingers of the other. it doesn’t matter which hand you strike

KARATE CHOP SPOT

The set-up: A. Say statements 1 - 3 in a complete set three times as you firmly strike the Karate Chop Point: 1. Even though I _______(insert your phrase here)____ 2. I deeply love and accept myself (or, if for a child: I’m a great kid, or another appropriate phrase)

Now go to Part II of the Tapping Sequence

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the tapping sequence 1 2

3

4 5

6

7

The Sequence: B. Repeat the gist of the setup phrase as you tap down all points • Repeat Step B as many times as it takes to get relief or to get yourself comfortable. • When you have had a satisfying shift in thinking or feeling about the issue you are tapping on, create a short, positive phrase that would encapsulate how you’d rather feel or be. Then do Step C.

C. Repeat the gist of your “I choose” phrase as you tap down the sequence of all points

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the sore spots

1

2 3 4

1. put first finger in the dip at bottom of throat 2. stretch out the thumb and all fingers as far as possible 3. the sore spot can be found approximately at the end of the thumb and the third finger if it is not sore right at that spot, feel around till you do find a place nearby that is sore (it’s sore because it’s a lymph drainage location that is usually tender to the touch. It won’t hurt it to rub it, but keep from hurting yourself by rubbing it too hard)

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the finger points Use these points with the face, body and Gamut point for further emphasis in your process

1 2 3

points are right at the edge of the fingernails

4

Karate Chop Spot

Starting at the side of the tip of the thumb, work towards the little finger, tapping with the index and second finger of the other hand. Skip the third finger. End up with the Karate Chop Spot.

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the Gamut 3

4

2 1 You can add these few steps for further emphasis of the whole procedure. Add them after tapping the face and body, and/or Finger Points. This helps put the body and brain back into balance.

THE GAMUT SPOT back of hand

Rub the Gamut Spot(the V-shaped indentation on the back of the hand at the base of the knuckles of 3rd and 4th fingers) with the tips of the index and 2nd fingers of the other hand, as you go through these steps: Looking straight forward (but relaxed!) and keep your head still: 1. Close the eyes 2. Open the eyes 3. Look down (keep head still - eyes move only!) to the hard left 4. Look down (keep head still - eyes move only!) to the hard right 5. Still without moving the head, do a wide, 360 degree rotation of the eyes in one direction 6. Do a wide, 360-degree rotation of the eyes in the other direction 7. Hum a few notes of a tune (like happy birthday to you....) 8. Count from one to five 9. Hum a few notes of a tune

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Navigating the Steps to Wholeness Chapter six intention What is your intention? Where are you going, and where are you now? Is what you are doing in your life aligned with and supporting your intentions? If you say you want to drive from Boston to New York, and are still in Dallas, you may wonder what you are actually wanting. But if you’re in Boston, all packed up with a picnic basket and a full tank of gas, you are aligned and ready to go.

not aligned

I moved from Hawaii to California in 1990, then to New Mexico. For eleven years I heard myself say, “I wish I was back in Hawaii.” Over and over, but did I move there? No. I wasn’t aligned with my choice. Not only was I not aligned with what I said my desire was, when it came time for me to make a big move, I went right against my so-called preferred choice! I moved from New Mexico to New Zealand! I could have moved to Hawaii quite easily. But I let other desires get in the way.

i decide!

In January of this year, 2003, finally, I asked myself where I would really, truly rather be. After a year and a half of living in New Zealand, I thought, OK, I will NOW either move back to Hawaii, or shut up about it. Enough talk! Let’s have some action!

checking my reality What hurts, is in my way, feels uncomfortable, unaligned? What could I improve, enhance, change, shift? I checked to see what was hindering my choice. I stopped doing anything that would be in the way of my going (like setting up more workshops down the line in months’ time), and I started the process of leaving. It was hard. I wanted to keep going like I was, but I also

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define issues/problems

What is in my way? Where is it? What does it look like, sound, smell, feel like? How big is it? If I can’t name it, what sound can I make to express it? I found many negative, uncomfortable and unsupportive thoughts and emotions (turned out there were lots of them!). Most of them had to do with very negative and unsatisfying beliefs about myself and what I could or could not accomplish in life. I wrote them all down on paper.

make a preferred choice What would I rather be/do/have instead???? I’d already decided that I wanted to live in Hawaii. So I took an evening, got comfortable, and visualized where I wanted to live, where I wanted to play, how I wanted to use my time and energy there, and who I wanted to hang out with, both in business and recreationally. Most of all, though, I imagined and felt how I wanted to feel when I got there and settled down into my new reality. I wrote all that down, too.

clear the energy Use EFT to clear the disrupted energy. I tapped on and cleared negative beliefs about myself, as well as many other negative, restricting or unsupportive thoughts that came up.

take positive action! What is possible now that seemed impossible or improbable before? Once I tapped on the negative stuff and got thinking in a more positive way, I asked myself what it would take to get to, and live in, Hawaii. Then I organized my thoughts, and turned in that direction. That was in January. It’s now March, and in 3 weeks, off I go, as of this writing.

prep

I have bought my ticket, paid for 2 nights in a hotel - so I can sleep my jet lag off before I go anywhere (although I’m sure with tapping I can clear it a lot faster now) - and I have rented a car for my first week there. (Note: it is now a year later, and with tapping, I experienced no jet lag at all!)

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Change with EFT The cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body’s energy system. I’ve begun shipping arrangements for my personal effects, and am researching a storage locker for them when they arrive. Am I aligned with my desire? You bet! I have also made a point of reading self-help and other positive books (like The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey) in order to further bolster my ability to create my new reality.

recheck Keep checking my reality to keep myself on course. I keep feeling how I feel, listening to my thoughts - am I doing or saying anything that might be contrary to my choice? Once in a while I hear comments like, “isn’t it expensive there?” And my body does a lurch, as my mind goes, “Oh yeah? Wonder if it’ll be hard to make it there.” So then I tap on how I feel about that, as well as thoughts and values around that issue. Clear it all out, and on I go. I keep my heading on my internal compass, keep on clearing, in order to attain my goals.

Whose life is this???? If I want to be the captain of my life and of my body - my trillion-celled ship I had best take command. Intend, choose, act. If I don’t, I end up living my life by default. Some say this is selfish. That we ought, or should, do this or that, do as we are told, toe the line, fit the mold, fit into society, be nice, don’t rock the boat.... Well, in the end, I’m the one making the decisions, even if I do decide to live under someone else’s command, or even if I decide not to decide. I’m the captain, the boss, the chooser, the source, of my own experience. I prefer to consciously make my own choices about my life. I believe you feel that way, too, or you wouldn’t be reading this book.

steps

On the next page is a chart with the steps we can take to make sure we stay on our own self-determined path. Use it often and every time you feel lost, unsure, foggy, needing a next step, or just to see if you’re on track.

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NAVIGATIng with eft 1. CLARIFY YOUR INTENTION ask: what’s my intention, where am I going, where am I now?

2. CHECK YOUR REALITY

ask: what hurts, feels uncomfortable, unaligned; what could I improve/change?

3. DEFINE ANY ISSUE/PROBLEM

ask: what is the issue/problem? where is it, what does it look, sound, smell, feel like? how big is it? if I can’t name it, what is a sound to express it?

4. CLEAR DISRUPTED ENERGY use EFT to clear the disrupted or obstructing energy

5. MAKE A PREFERRED CHOICE ask: what would I rather be/do/have instead????

6. TAKE NEXT POSITIVE ACTION ask: what is possible now that seemed impossible or improbable before? DECIDE: what is my new choice?

7. RECHECK & KEEP NAVIGATING

keep checking to keep myself on course

STAY ALERT!

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Questions Chapter seven

what/why/how? Now that you have had a taste of what EFT can do for you, and you have the steps to navigate, let’s ask other questions. Why would we want to change anything? What would the benefits be? If we did want to, how can we? I like to ask myself these questions often. Not because I don’t know the answers, but because I want to go deeper. Each time I ask/answer, I refine my alignment with, and use of, my energy, for the next period of time until I ask again. I then do my best to clean up the pockets of energy within my life that are opposed to or conflict with my intent.

ask, WHAT Am i HERE FOR? Here’s what I believe we’re here for: 1. To be! To Love! To enjoy being, doing and having! 2. To hone our attention and awareness so we can intend and do all the above consciously! What is attention? Active consciousness, the power of self-knowing. What is intention? Purpose. To direct, as one’s course or thought; to have intention, mean, tend or incline. In other words: expanding and refining our knowingness, our consciousness, in order to hold onto our purpose, intent or direction, in this life. 3. Most of all, to be joyous, to do joyousness - to express the joy that comes along with heightened consciousness, the incredible expansive feeling that comes along with realizing and activating our own possibilities.

YourMind!


back then...

In the past, we were more used to thinking that physical manifestation is something relegated to those who are called shaman, guru, master, magician, mage, witch,wizard, or other such names.

WE ALL MANIFEST!

The real fact is that we all manifest (manifest: to make something evident to sight, mind or understanding) many things in our own lives every day. We are creators. It’s true: we manifest things every single day. We get up, go to the bathroom, brush our teeth, wash ourselves - we have manifested cleanliness. We make and eat breakfast - we have manifested a meal out of food. We have manifested satisfaction by eating till we are full or satisfied. We have soothed our hunger. All of this is manifestation. Mundane, but manifestation, just the same. Artists, musicians, dancers and businessmen create out of seemingly nothing - an idea pops into their minds and there is a new painting or sculpture, a new song, a new way to move through the air, a new product or way to sell. A mother and father manifest a baby. A builder manifests a house, apartment, office, ship, airplane or computer. A student refines his already manifest intelligence. A computer programmer will create new programs. A surfer will manifest action, moving his body through waves. A speaker will manifest meaning through words. A car manufacturer will create a new car - several! - every year! A tennis player will manifest victory or loss.

We all manifest all the time. How?

With our awareness, knowingness, consciousness; our choices; and the intentional direction of that consciousness. So wouldn’t it be reasonable to want to manifest the best life we can? And if consciousness is our tool, to improve that tool as much as possible to be able to constantly refine our manifestations?

YourMind!


SO WHY WOULD I WANT TO CHANGE ANYTHING? Why not? Would we want more fun? More money? To maybe help more people? To add to our family? To travel, write, have more independence, more business - or less? How about if we had health instead of illness, comfort instead of pain, a feeling of satisfaction and pleasure instead of worry or fear? Even if those elements are small items to someone else, why not resolve them, and see what would happen?

WHAT WOULD IT GET YOU, TO CHANGE ANYTHING IN YOUR LIFE? What benefits or drawbacks are there in change? Let’s say I have a spouse or family member I’m having trouble with. Let’s say I think they don’t understand me and won’t speak to me. Or they think I don’t understand them, or that I’m dangerous to them, so they won’t allow me to be a part of their life. And I don’t understand what it is that makes them so against me. What would I like to change?

Ask: what don’t I like about it?

Let’s see. I don’t like: missing contact, not being a part of their life feeling disrespected feeling left out, disconnected feeling wrongly accused that someone thinks badly of me That’s enough for now.

So what can I change?

It’s certain that I can’t change anyone else. But I can change how I respond to a situation. Maybe by changing my response I might find that I learn something I didn’t know that I didn’t know, or something will change in the relationship - or, most likely, both. What will it get me, to change? More peace, maybe? More understanding - of both myself and the other person? More calm?

YourMind!

Change with EFT The cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body’s energy system. What might any drawbacks be in change? It might be scary to try something new. I might have to admit I was wrong. I might have to make a step in their direction with humility; and I might lose face. Well, so what? Is my pride more important than my desire for resolution, my own or their happiness? I think I can let that go! Measuring staying-the-same against changing, most times the benefits of changing win out.

DIRECTING ENERGY In order for our subconscious to know what to do to change something, it needs to know what it is we want changed. Then it needs to know the direction in which the new energy needs to go. I can clear (1 - clear) out my studio, but new paintings won’t paint themselves unless I decide (2 - decide) to paint them, and then go about (3 - choose) getting the paint I need and the canvasses and other materials, then doing the actual painting (4 - create/act). I can rid myself of many things I don’t want in my energy system (1 - clear), but if I don’t decide where to put my new-found energy (2 - decide not to decide), and make choices that support that decision (3 - choose not to choose), I might find that I’m either feeling empty or being led by someone else’s ideas - living by default (4 - lack of, or incorrect creation/ action). I don’t want that!

CHANGE YOUR DIMENSION

It is now common knowledge that the cosmos is comprised of vibration, frequency. You and I are compounded aggregates of various energies. We appear to be solid. But just as when we look out into space, there is enormous distance between this star and that, when we look at our atoms and molecules and protons and little zingy quarks, and the distance between their elements, our own physical makeup is very similar.

Cosmos or human - it looks the same whether you look in or out! I believe that we actually change dimensions when we change our energy: if the cosmos is all frequency, and I am made up of energy frequencies, then when I shift my frequencies I change the dimensional frequency I inhabit. I change dimension.

when you’re happy....

Remember the old song that says “when you’re in love then the whole world loves you?” How about the saying, “misery loves company?”

YourMind!


Pretty obvious tell-tale messages - if I’m happy, then the whole world around me, or my dimension, is happy. I’m in the Happy Dimension. If I am miserable, my company, my dimension, is miserable. I’m in the Misery Dimension. If I’m happy, I am vibrating on a vastly different frequency rate than the slow-moving, heavy, dense and depressed, unhappy one I was on before. Why would I need to use a mechanical device to be transported into a new dimension when all I have to do is change my own energy? I believe it can happen in the blink of an eye. Why would I need to use a space ship or a time machine or any other physical mechanism? All I need to do is to change my state!

tap on it! Try tapping on a few issues you dislike about your life and see how happy you get at the end of the sessions. If that ain’t changing dimension, I don’t know what is! Eventually, I think, we will get our nervous systems so refined that we can shift at a whim. Tapping is just the beginning of a very large - world-wide - dimensional shift. You watch! Ten, twenty years from now, we won’t need to tap anymore. Taping will be obsolete. All we’ll have to do is intend something and *blam* it’s done. We will have refined our systems, and our abilities to use them, so much that a thought will heal. An intention will create.

energy

Our energy is affected deeply by our indoctrination and training, by our relationships with others, and the world at large, all of which has been duly recorded on our subconscious minds.

the palace walls

Gary Craig uses a great analogy when he speaks about indoctrination, conditioning, or other ways in which we learn to do as our parents say to do or as the group does rather than functioning from our core, or Deep Self. He talks about the Palace of Possibilities, the gorgeous, natural space inside us all that has the possibilities intact for any thing natural to us and our natures. Within this palace, we have favorite rooms in which we hang out all the time, barely visiting the other rooms. Some rooms are spacious, some lavishly decorated, others are quiet and peaceful, and others are full of riches.

YourMind!


Some rooms are our favorite hangouts, others we never go near.

writing on our walls

Each of those rooms has a script on its walls, determining how we go about our Role in the Play of Life. Every sentence has an effect on us, whether it’s written in tiny letters in the corner so far down that we can’t see it, or huge, glowing neon letters glowing in the center of the wall, taking up all our attention.

varieties of messages

We have a variety of lines in our script that affect us throughout the day. Both positive and negative. I might have one little sentence on my walls that says I’m not good enough to run around the field and win the race, and I might also have a whole wall full of others that say Go for it! or You can do it! or You’re the best runner in the state, or the line I heard over and over in first grade, “you’re so good at drawing horses, Angela.” Those positive messages can outweigh the negative ones, but when we come up against something that’s uncomfortable in some way, our system is telling us that the negative messages are outweighing the positive ones.

example: public speaking

You might be able to stand up in front of a group of people and give an impromptu talk, but to me that might be something that would make me turn red in the face and give me heart palpitations for the next week. If you’re comfortable with public speaking, you probably have little or no internal message (or inner mountain in the way) that says you can’t or shouldn’t do it. It’s probably something with which you feel OK, or that’s even exciting and inspiring - totally within the realms of possibility for you. Whereas, I might have physical discomfort, my voice might contract, or I might even stop breathing! Even thinking about getting in front of people might make my head might spin. I might get dizzy, or get a headache. When I get onstage, I might blank out and lose the ability to think of what to say at all, or have to sit down: my body has all kinds of ways to tell me it is NOT OK for me to do public speaking. With this type of energy disruption in my system, is giving talks on art, EFT or inspiration one of my favorite things to do in life? Doubtful.

YourMind!


Why?

Somewhere in our past someone ridiculed us for saying something: for me it was my dad telling me little girls should be seen and not heard - and not even seen, come to think of it! The experience of having been made fun of or being shamed produces very negative, limiting writing on our walls. Writing on the walls that limits our belief in ourselves, and causes us to make decisions with those limitation as their basis. That inner writing limits our ability to act functionally. It ends creating up a tangle in our mind/body energy system, resulting in our feeling uncomfortable in a situation where we might have to speak to a group, or even a single person.

how do we deal with this? Untangle the energy. Clear the writing on those walls. How the heck do we do that? Go to a therapist, go back to the painful past, face it, spout it out over and over and over again? Face our fears? Jump out of planes to confront our fear of heights? Speak up for ourselves when we only want to go in a corner and hide, be invisible; or hold a rat to see if our disgust of them will go away? No. Some of us have - for years - beat pillows and screamed primal screams and talked to other pillows as if they were the ones who did us wrong. Sometimes with some great results, sometimes with so-so, and sometimes with very little, if any, real results. We have endured hours of a wide variety of other techniques, gone to doctors who haven’t had one clue what’s wrong with us, much less been able to help, sometimes being brutally derisive, announcing that it’s all in our heads and there’s nothing wrong with us at all.

eft is sooooo easy!

Now, using EFT, it is entirely possible to erase unwanted and unsupportive writing on our walls, and to straighten out the tangled energy in our systems. Without many expensive years of therapy, without having to re-experience the original pain over and over, and, most times, without having to depend on someone else to guide us through each and every step. EFT provides a simple, easy, fast way to clear deep writing on our walls, to untangle the energy in our systems. It’s a fantastic method that opens up avenues of possibility that we never dreamed would be available to us, no matter how young or old we might be.

Be honest This is how I get really present when I want to change something on a core level.

YourMind!


I go to my room and close the door. I get out a pen and a piece of paper. I take a huge deep breath. And again. I write a short synopsis of how I feel - like, I might say: “I’m broke and unhappy, I don’t like it here, and it seems I’m unable to make it.” Then I look at all the issues and I write a short positive phrase, inserting the reality I would prefer. Like: “I am happy and successful living in Hawaii.” Then I tap on all the things I don’t like, and choose the positive.

Use EFT to tap on any of these issues: physical emotional mental spiritual financial relationships business creativity fun health

SO START creating the REALITY you want! Write out two lists: On the left-hand side of a sheet of paper, write what you don’t like about your life. On the other side of the sheet, write what it is you would prefer. Feel how much you don’t like the don’t-like items. Rate the intensity. Tap on each of the items on the left-hand side. In an I choose phrase from the right hand side of the sheet, add the preferred-item. It can look like this:

Clarify I don’t have enough money I have an income of ($___) a month I feel heavy and tired I am light and energized I don’t think EFT works I know EFT works for me I feel guilty I am serene I feel depressed I feel content

I like to use specific categories to really pin down, clearly and in detail, what it is I want to change and have. List one to three items in each category (in the box on the top right of this page) that you would prefer to change, eliminate, expand upon, or enhance: List the preferred changes you want to make for each item. Be short, sweet and to the point. A whole page for an item is way overdoing it!

YourMind!


For instance, let’s say I pick physical: I feel heavy I feel tired I feel discouraged My preferred change will be: I feel light I feel energized and inspired I am excited about my life

use eft on each item!

Rate the intensity of each feeling, then tap on each one. Refer to the Illustration pages as often as you like. Ultimately you will learn shortcuts, but for now, use the full process. It’s powerful.

Be kind to yourself

If you have more than one item per category, the process may take longer than you want/ can allocate time for. So start with one at a time. Now that you have learned the basic pattern, you can tap a little bit - or as much as you want - every day from now on! You might want to pick one category at a time, and make a list of items in that one day, and another category the next day. Be creative. It’s your life.

SIDE BENEFITS

When you tap, you’ll have insights that will awaken you to what you may need to tap on next. One item will lead to deeper items in the same line, or will surprise you into finding something that seems completely unrelated. Trust your intuition. It’s there to help you! What is really amazing about EFT is that once we start tapping, issues we never knew we had come up to be healed (see the chapters on Aspects for more on this). Those can fall away easily and effortlessly once we tap on them. It also happens that issues that we are unaware of can go away without us noticing. It’s as if we had a whole studio all crammed up with junk, and by vacuuming the floor, all of a sudden the stuff on the walls came straight as well, with no extra effort on our part.

feeling like a lump

Here’s someone who really wanted a big change. He feels heavy, and unenergetic. He is also afraid his heart condition (high blood pressure) is getting worse.

YourMind!


My friend, Elliott, and I met for an hour. He was complaining about feeling heavy and depressed. As we discussed how he felt, I noted down some of the items he was talking about. I noticed that a lot of how he felt was exactly how I used to feel a lot of the time. I decided to tap with him - though I normally do anyway - because so many of the issues had been mine as well. It made me think of something an old friend/mentor had told me a long time ago: that we go through things that help us learn how to help others travel the same path later on. Well, I had certainly travelled this path! We tapped on: even though I feel tired all the time sluggish non-inspired depressed not having the energy for much As we completed that last part, he said, “and I feel like a big lump.” So we tapped: even though I feel like a big lump a bump on a lump a lump of a bump on a lump That got a bit of a laugh and he lightened up a bit and a bump on a lump, and dooooowwnnn depressssssed and sooo tired More laughter - it doesn’t have to be so serious all the time, you know! We said: I deeply and comPLETELY accept myself and I choose to have lots of energy and enthusiasm.

beginning to shift

At that point, the color jumped back into his face, he sat up straighter and was willing to be totally present. It was such a joy to see. I love this. We kept going, and tapped on: even though my heart is weak and I’m afraid it will fail and my veins are weak

YourMind!


I deeply and comPLETELY accept myself and I choose to have lots of energy and enthusiasm.

later

What is interesting is that now, as I write this, about two months later, I have a piece of paper sitting beside me that lists his heart rates for the September, December and January checkups he had. The first was 171/80, the second was 169/90, and the last, which was measured a week or so after this session, was 144/68. Can I say conclusively that EFT really made that exact change? No. But I can say it had effect.

early hurts

When we get hurt at age seven, and our system is trying over and and over to get itself fixed, we ARE seven, in relation to that hurt, until we find a way to resolve the disrupted energy and grow up. So honor that - be five, ten, whatever. Listen to that child, acknowledge the hurt, and tap on it. Shift the energy and make another choice.

shine!

What if you were a bright child, and someone couldn’t handle that because of situations or circumstances that had nothing to do with you personally? So you learned to hold in your shine, in order not to get punished. That beautiful shine needs to come out now! Try this: even though I’m angry and I feel like I have to hold my shine in for fear of others’ judgement, and I shrink around people and I’m sick of it, I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to safely shine to reclaim my power to experience radiant and beautiful wholeness to experience my ME-ness! Tapping is like clearing the table after a big messy feast. Throw out those crumpled smelly beer cans and dirty ashtrays - who needs them? Clean off your table and set a new feast - it’s time. When we tap, we energize our energy system, making it possible for the scrambled energy to correct itself.

more Added benefits

It’s amazing how issues that you don’t even think about clear up when you tap on other issues, or with someone else.

YourMind!


A few years ago when I was living in New Mexico, I went to the Santa Fe Flea Market on a very hot day. I walked around for about three hours until it was too hot to move anymore. It was only about one in the afternoon, but I felt light-headed and my feet hurt like crazy. When I got home, I had some very odd looking, bright red patches on my ankles. It looked almost as if my veins were popping through my skin. The ankles themselves didn’t hurt, but it looked like I had taken a blood bath. Over the next week or so, the splotches turned a hideous brown right under the skin. I thought it would go away after a while, but it didn’t. I started wearing socks - my ankles looked filthy, and it was embarrassing. I asked this doctor and that practitioner what it was and how to clear it, but no-one knew what it was, or was able to give me a solution. One thought it might be mercury poisoning coming out, another thought it was a sign I was an aneurysm candidate, another thought I was going to have a heart attack, and others thought this and that. Essentially, no-one knew.

borrowing the benefits

Finally, four years later, I tapped with a friend on his heart problem/weak veins. When I looked down at my feet a few days after we tapped, I noticed the brown spots were subsiding. I wasn’t sure, so I waited a few more days, and re-tapped on it, adding how I felt about having the things there. even though I’m afraid my heart will collapse on me and my veins will, too, and I hate the way my ankles look, and I hate it that my veins are weak, and I’m afraid I will die young like my parents I deeply and completely love and accept myself, and I am willing to consider that I can forgive myself for my own contribution to this problem and I choose to have strong, healthy veins and I choose for my subconscious to do whatever it has to do to enable my body to get them strong again. Guess what hideous big brown splotches are almost completely gone - after being there for four years? They began clearing when I tapped with Elliott!

YourMind!


tapping along

When we get benefits from another’s tapping, even if they’re tapping on an issue we don’t relate to, it’s called “borrowing the benefits.” It doesn’t matter if we don’t have an issue on what they are addressing. Our handy-dandy reliable subconscious goes to the area of energy we need to clear, and clears it as we tap with our friend, child, spouse, client or whoever. Amazing.

groups

I’ve seen it happen a lot in my classes and workshops. One person will have an issue that we all will tap on together, and everyone ends up feeling great.

Imagine if a large group - a really, really large group - got together.... Yesterday

I facilitated an EFT support group meeting yesterday. It was a beautiful day so far, sunny and bright, with a nice warm breeze flowing in the open window. Gloria, a woman sitting next to me was telling me about someone she knew who she wanted to help with EFT. I watched as her eyes filled with tears and became red around the edges. Her breath was short and her face lost all its color. I reminded her how to tap on her collarbone as she stopped to breathe. She and I did that together for a time, until I saw that she was ready to do a little tapping on the issue itself. Gloria still couldn’t speak yet, so I asked her if it was OK to tap on her hand and face as I said the setup statement and phrases. She noddd. I went through three setups, and then we tapped about five times on one side and three times on the other, ending up with “and I choose to feel calm and comfortable.” She gave a huge sigh, and settled back into the couch. Her color had returned, her breath was good, and her eyes were clear again.

collarbone tapping

I asked Gloria how she felt. She started to say fine, but when she started to think about the topic she’d be so caught up in, another aspect of it came up and we did it all over again. I turned to the rest of the group, who were talking amongst themselves, and asked them to do the collarbone tap with us, and then we all tapped.

YourMind!


I told them about the CD in which Gary had been talking about how moved he was about his daughter’s wedding. He said he was concerned that he’d be walking her down the aisle crying like a baby and didn’t think that would be so great.

in public

Since he’d found that the collarbone point was a good release point for himself, he decided to tap on it if and when the tears started to come up. Which they did, and he did, and he was fine.

the point

Some people have different points that seemed to ease and release emotions for them. His was the collarbone point, but yours might be something else. He simply calls it The Point a personal point that varies, person to person. I just decided to assume it would work for us at the meeting, and it did. We kept on tapping, only a bit more, until it felt done.

1 0 a big sigh 9 As before, the big sigh. This time it looked like the shift was solid. I pointed out to the group that the big sigh often meant that we had passed through the energy disruption and it was released - and often the issue was forgotten. 8 We talked abut how it seems, in the beginning of a session, that the issue is huge, and then afterwards it seems like nothing at all. 7 the rating 6 One woman asked about the rating thermometer, why it was important. I explained to her that once we straighten out the energy in our systems it is 5 so normal to feel good that we can easily say that the issue was no big deal in the first place, and since it isn’t anything at all now, what was the fuss about? 4 The rating we get from looking at the thermometer is a refence point: it lets 3 us know that we actually did something, and measures how much we did. The rating can tell us if we’re done, partially done, or even stuck - in which 2 case we would have to look for other factors to address in order to get the rating own to zero or a near-zero. 1 forgetting

She asked me why she forgot what it was she was tapping on. I told her there were probably a couple reasons for that.

YourMind!


One is that maybe the system thought it was too big an issue to deal with, and it was trying to avoid it to protect her from having feelings she didn’t particularly enjoy. I mentioned that in the beginning, when I first started to tap, I would quite often simply pass out as I was tapping. I would just go right to sleep, in an instant, right in the middle of a sentence - usually the setup statement. When I awoke, I would be a little disoriented, not knowing what I had been doing or where I was.

one track mind

But I went right back to the issue and took up where I left off. My system was trying to prevent me from re-visiting the old hurts, that’s all. I realized I could tap on thanking my system for its concern, and tell it that I was OK, and that I would rather clear these things than carry them around anymore. After I did that, I didn’t fall asleep anymore.

are you done?

Another reason for forgetting what we are tapping on can be that we’re done, clear, finished with that aspect or issue. Notice, as you realize you’re forgetting, if you’ve taken a big sigh, or you’re breathing more deeply or feeling more energized. If so, check to see what your rating is, and if you’re done, then stop! No need to go on!

signals

Recently when I was speaking with someone about making a business plan, I started to get sleepy. I had been wide awake the moment before, and now I felt as if I was going to pass out on the spot. Did I need a rest? No. I needed to take time out to see what issue was up that needed clearing in order for me to hear what she was saying to me. I excused myself, took a few moments in the bathroom to do a little tapping, and was able to come back alert and receptive.

If we can pay attention, keep our minds connected to our deeper Knowing, we can stay on track better. I think it’s a mistake to make ourselves bully on when we need to rest. That little momentary rest, or stopping point, can be an opportunity to take a moment out, to regroup, to tap, or let a new idea through. It can have monumental consequences later on.

Rachel

My friend, Rachel, has two grand-daughters, ages 2 and 4. The younger one, Tina, has been prone to tantrums.

YourMind!

Change with EFT The cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body’s energy system. Rachel is presently engaged in finishing up a three-year back-to-college program and sometimes finds it difficult to deal with the kids’ high energy - especially the tantrums when the girls came to visit her. Rachel learned EFT and began using it on herself at home to try to deal with various issues she had going with a very uncomfortable and drawn-out old work situation. Tina watched, saying nothing.

tantrum

Later, when Tina was working up to an I-don’t-want-to-go-to-bed tantrum, Rachel tapped on her little body, saying the phrases for her: even though I’m angry I have to go to bed and Gamma is going to leave me in here and I have to go to sleep and I don’t want to I’m a great kid even though I want my way and I can’t get it and I have a hard time getting people to listen to me and what I want I’m a great kid She calmed right down, and Rachel easily concluded the nitey-nite rituals.

“tap me, gamma!”

A few days later when she was again at Rachel’s, Tina came up to her and put Rachel’s hand on her forehead, and said, “Tap me, Gamma, tap me!” Since then, there have been many times when Tina asks Rachel to “Tap me, Gamma, tap me!” Rachel says it has brought Tina a level of calm she hadn’t had before. And since she was able to choose more satisfying ways to get her way, Tina hasn’t had so many tantrums.

YourMind!


Defining the Issue Chapter eight

where to start?? People have asked me where to start. Easy. Start where you are. Sounds a little glib, but there it is. If you feel depressed, start with feeling depressed. If you feel sad, start with feeling sad. If you feel angry, start tapping on feeling angry. Maybe there’s something you feel like you want to add to your life, or expand upon. You can start with how you feel about not having that thing. Or how you feel about expanding upon it is it going to be hard, do you believe you can do it, deserve it, be safe with it, and so on. It helps to write whatever it is down.

rate it

Start off by rating your feelings. If you feel angry about something, from 0 to 10, with 10 being most angry, what number would you give it on the thermometer? Then repeat the setup phrases three times as you tap on the Karate Chop Point or rub the Sore Spots: even though I feel angry I deeply and completely accept myself. Then tap the Sequence as many rounds as it takes to get the rating down to zero. Often it takes a just a couple of rounds.

what to call it?

If you can’t name a particular emotion, see if there’s an unwanted, uncomfortable or even unfamiliar physical sensation somewhere in your body system.

YourMind!


It could be a tight feeling in the belly, pain or stiffness in the back or legs, constriction in the throat, or a fast-beating heart. It could be a vague feeling of pressure, or a dull ache somewhere. Maybe you feel like your breathing is constricted. If you’re afraid of feeling it and only feel half of it, how will you know whether or not it’s gone? Notice it, feel it as best you can, but don’t freak yourself out. Although in some situations our therapist might want us to feel deeply a once-hurtful situation, with EFT that is not required. EFT is meant to be as pain free as possible. We’ll go into addressing intensity later on, in the chapters about Chasing the Pain and Aspects.

breathing

Not only do we need to get oxygen to our systems, but if we can’t breathe well, we lock ourselves out of the bliss modes that are our natural right. Breathing is the Key to the Gateway to Stillness, that Quiet Place within. Maybe you have constricted breathing. You’d start by rating how constricted the breath is (0 to 10, with 10 being most constricted). You’d then repeat these phrases three times as you tap on the Karate Chop Point or rub the Sore Spots: even though I have this restricted breathing I deeply and completely accept myself

Then tap the Sequence. Rate it again. Keep tapping until you’re comfortable, or the unwanted constriction is gone.

getting present

The EFT process is a very profound way to get present - here - right here - with all your attention gathered in this one time and place. When your attention is scattered all over it’s difficult to function well.

signals

The body/mind system gives us signals that tell us that something is out of order, that we need to take care of ourselves. Thus, our system gives us little dull aches or nagging, niggly thoughts to remind us to look within and realign our energy systems. If we keep on going without paying attention, the pain often increases more and more until we can’t ignore it any more.

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numbing out

In many cases, though, what our upbringing has taught us can really get in the way. If I have a headache coming on, I might immediately think about taking something to ease the pain. What if the pain was there to tell me something I needed to know, to clear out of my system so I could function better? My system has to find another way to signal me, because I have numbed myself, now I’m unable to listen to or heed the warning it sent me via the headache or other bodily sensation I might have. I used to get monstrous headaches. About three in the afternoon it would start with a slight ache in my temples, and a little burning behind my eyes. If I didn’t lie down right then and take a short nap, I was a-gonners for the rest of the day, the evening and the whole night. The headaches were so bad I couldn’t even move a fraction of an inch. It crippled me for years. I finally paid attention to the fact that I had to do something about my life not being anything like I wanted it to be. I started to do something about it, and surprise, surprise, the headaches went away.

better choices

Had I known about EFT, instead of having to lie down and take a nap or guzzle pain pills in order to function, I could easily have gotten relief by tapping on the headaches. I might have been able to make choices that were better for my life instead of having to resolve the problems I had created for myself by going miles down the wrong roads. My life would have probably been quite different. If, in the past, I had had EFT, I most likely would have been able to calm myself by dispelling a lot of the fears and nervousness that I was so familiar with that it seemed as if they were part and parcel of my being. Now that I’ve discovered that I can relieve myself, I can see that I, in reality, was not being myself! I had no idea that being such a bundle of frazzled nerves wasn’t really me!

feelings for no reason

There are times when we might find ourselves being a bit snappy or irritable, impatient, or just a little raw. Yesterday was like that for me. I heard myself “kidding” Freda in a manner that would make most people react rather strongly - fortunately she knows me well enough to let it roll off her back. But as I went through my day and kept hearing myself, it finally came to me that I needed to tap on this. I had forgotten to remember that I could tap on how I felt! It was such a low-level and

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inconsequential feeling that I hadn’t given it enough attention to think about tapping. So I tapped on remembering to tap!

what, what?

But then what to tap on? I really had no particular issue in mind, other than being a bit snippy. So I started with that: and I rated it at about an 8, as I could hear the edge of my own voice. Then I stated: even though I am feeling snippy, I deeply and completely accept myself and did the tapping sequence. It quickly went down to about a 2. I did one more round and it was gone. But what came next really surprised me. I was overcome with tears in a flash so fast It took my breath away. The thought that came to me was that I was deeply disappointed in my life. No particular thing came up as to why, but there was just a feeling of very deep disappointment. So I rated that - about a 9 - and tapped on feeling disappointed. It went to a zero very fast. In actuality, I knew I had nothing at all to feel disappointed in about my life!

environmental factors

Then I noticed that, outside, the wind was blowing really hard, in big ferocious gusts. It reminded me that, for some reason, I have always been really affected by the wind. I’m not enough of a scientist to know what kind of electrical role the wind plays in our energetic lives, but I do know that when it blows like it did yesterday sometimes I feel crazy and out of control. Like I need something I don’t know what it is, or hungry for something that doesn’t exist. I guess it could just be called anxiety, feeling jangled, maybe, a nervous disruption, really. It feels like my nerve-endings are exposed and raw. I checked myself again, and yup!, I was still feeling on edge. So I tapped on: even though I feel crazy and out of control with this wind, I deeply and completely accept myself. That brought me to a zero, and I was fine after that.

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un-named forces Other times I’ll tap on a feeling or a botheration that I can’t quite name. I start with: even though I have no idea what is going on with me, but I know my subconscious knows, I deeply and completely accept myself. Images or memories often come up and are very clearly the energetic cause of that issue. Just tapping brings up the images. Very handy.

feeling others’ feelings

As a child, I remember feeling really bad after every time this one person came over to our house. I’d go up to my room and cry and cry. Later my mother would say how sorry she felt for that person, how hard a life she had. It didn’t dawn on me until many years later that the feelings I was experiencing were that person’s, not mine! I would have these feelings of deep sadness, or anger, or fear - and there would be absolutely not one rational reason for it in my own life.

is it mine?

I still forget to check sometimes, but most times now I can feel if the distress is mine or not. If there’s no reason to feel as I do in that moment, I have probably absorbed someone else’s charge on something. That’s why people come away from reading or seeing the news on TV feeling such strong emotions. There’s an enormous amount of fear, anger and sorrow being blasted into our lives by the media, and we buy it hook, line and sinker. We buy it and hold it tight. Learn how to discern. Learn how to really feel whether or not the feeling is your own. Of course, even if it isn’t ours, we can still tap on it. We can tap on: even though I feel (however it is) to relieve ourselves of the pressure. We don’t need to be experiencing others’ feelings: even though I feel others’ feelings even though I can’t help feeling others’ pain even though I can’t help taking on other people’s stuff I deeply and completely accept myself.

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Change with EFT The cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body’s energy system. This doesn’t mean you will become dead to others’ feelings! To be free of feeling (or becoming identified with) others’ feelings simply means that you can recognize whose is whose, and choose to steer clear of holding onto anyone else’s feelings: even when there is cataclysm around you, you can keep a level head. You are still capable of feeling - empathizing with -others!

babies & little kids

Have you ever been in a store, a restaurant or a movie where there’s a little child or baby crying? They cry and cry and cry, and it gets louder and louder until you have to stop and wonder what is going on? If those cries bug you, ask yourself why. It could be that you have a belief that kids should behave in stores or movies. Or that babies don’t belong in movies or restaurants because they cry and upset everyone. Or it could be because you remember what it was like going to the store as a kid and not get any treats. Or maybe you can relate to the mother having trouble with the child. Or maybe you can feel how the child is feeling.

tap on it!

Whatever reason we assign to the upset we feel upon hearing another’s cry, it’s our issue! We can now tap on it all! I’ve become kind of a EFT monster - here’s a little story about what happened not too long ago in a local store.

using eft everywhere Ordinarily I like to keep to myself as I go about shopping and doing errands. But lately I’ve been doing things that have surprised me. Here are a couple of incidents that happened as I was out and about with my housemate, Freda. at the warehouse

We were at the Warehouse, New Zealand’s version of Wal-Mart. I heard a little kid crying a couple of aisles from us. I didn’t think much of it at first, but it went on and on and on. I began to wonder if it was sick or in need of some kind of assistance. I moved closer and saw a mother and a couple of people conversing. They paid no attention to the woman’s son, who was maybe 2 years old, who was sitting in a shopping cart, screaming at the top of his lungs, pulling a baseball cap hard over his eyes with both hands. I was surprised that everyone was being so casual about him screaming away. Usually folks here in NZ pick their kids up and try to hush them up.

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This is Polite Land, so a crying or fussing child is unusual. I stood in the next aisle unobtrusively watching for a few more moments. The friends left the woman, and she went about shopping as if it was no big thing that her son was screaming bloody murder. I figured he must do this a lot for her to be so non-chalant about it. I walked up to her and asked if I might be of help, and could I be with her son for a few minutes. She smiled, said, “Oh he’s just being 2,” and then said, “yes, go ahead.”

tapping for a little boy

I leaned a bit toward him, squatting a bit down so I wouldn’t look too big and scary to him if he came out from under the hat to look. I put my left hand near, but not on, his right shoulder, kind of cupping it energetically. As I did a collarbone tap on myself, I started to make sounds like he was making - quite loud, but not too loud. It surprised him into a slight pause, but he kept going. I continued to make sounds like his, just to get a rapport with him (I do that with animals, too, to get a line of communication with them when they are frightened or ill. They will stop being so distant and look right at you. Then I talk with them just as if they understand what I say. I really think they do). I kept tapping my own collarbone. I visualized tapping the Sequence on myself, and, I said out loud, even though I am sooo upset I want to scream all day, and I’m sooo mad that I can’t get anyone’s attention, and I am sooo mad I can’t have my way (and so on), I still am a great kid; even though.... I did this for about two or three minutes.

relief starts to come in

He didn’t stop screaming, but the tone of his cry changed, becoming softer and more forced, as if he wanted to cry but was finding it hard to. There was a break as he lifted his cap enough to quickly look at me, then resumed his yelling - but more restrained, as if he wanted to stop but still wanted to cry too. I continued to do the collarbone tapping as I just let words come into my head. Then

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abruptly, it was time to stop. Don’t know how I knew, I just stopped. It felt somehow that if I went on, it would be over-riding his will, and I didn’t want to do that. My intent was solely to try to increase his comfort.

eft is great for kids

I spoke with the mom a bit, telling her briefly about EFT, and how it uses stimulation of the meridians to smooth out unbalanced energy. She was a nurse, and was a little familiar with some of the current energy ideas, but not EFT. Interestingly, as we discussed this, the boy softened his screaming, as if he was listening, and only resumed when we stopped! The mom mentioned that her daughter also got really mad at times, and she didn’t know how to help her. I told her that EFT would help a lot with that, as well. We talked a bit more, then parted.

who is that lady?

As Freda and I continued shopping down another aisle, the woman came up to us again. The boy was quieter now, and as she came nearer, she said to me that he had asked for me! I asked her what his name was, and went over and said hi, using his name. He pulled his hat up just enough to see me, then yanked it down again as fast as he could. We did this a few times, then I said bye-bye. He was quiet now! His mom thanked me, and they went off.

using movies to de-fuse

On the one hand, I don’t want to be a non-feeling, numb, or insensitive person. On the other, I also don’t want to have an enormous charge on anything, either. Life can be dangerous, yes. But I want to be able to walk through it without fear so I can see straight enough to make appropriate choices. If I make choices out of fear or anger, I can stray to and walk down paths I really would rather avoid. So I go to “guy” movies. I don’t particularly like them, but I want to see what guys experience as their reality - as well as realities that are thrust upon them. There are a lot of movies where there isn’t one woman in the cast - as any important character, anyway. It always amazes me when I see that half the world’s population is left out of those stories.

war

The movie I’ve used the most is Apocalypse Now. I had heard stories about and read about war, had seen news programs that showed scenes and aftermaths of fighting. But I had never been exposed for any length of time to scenes that seemed so real, so desolate, so

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desperately meaningless, so senseless, so anguishing, as in that movie. I had had no idea how absolutely lost and alone those men could feel. I had no idea how whimsical, cruel and remorseless the mechanism of a chain of command could be - or the rigid imperative to follow it, even to everyone’s detriment. It came home to me on a very tangible level how gruesomely senseless the whole idea of killing human beings to ostensibly resolve problems really was.

it’s just a movie

At first I cried all night after movies like that. But now I tap on how I feel, and it becomes obvious that the movie is just that, a movie. Most times the movie is based around conflict caused by lack of communication or a lack of the understanding of everyone’s common needs. It’s easy to see where pride gets in the way, or fear of reprisal, or some such restrictive emotion.

tell it like it is

One man’s fearful actions or lack of ability to say how he feels can cause a chain of reactions that eventually end up affecting everyone. For instance, in the movie Bay of Pigs, what would have happened if the rookie CIA guy was too afraid to do anything it took to get through to the inner circle’s command communications office so he could tell the Russian president to not bomb the ships? Everyone else was being dragged along by fear of authority, swelled up pride or not wanting to look weak. But he challenged the Russian guy to be a man, instead of a reactionary fool who would, by pushing The Button, cause the chain of disaster that would end in nuclear war. He had the courage of conviction, followed through, and got himself sacked (he thought) by following his inner conviction. He told it like it was, for him. Most of these war movies show a brawny “comeradery” that is built up in the armed forces, like a family substitute, an illusory way to be a “real man.” But the important thing they show is how important it is to be a real man by telling the real truth, being real with emotions, and taking the consequences of the actions that are wrapped around that truth. So when I go to movies like that, I use them to find places in my mind where I’m afraid of someone’s reprisal, for instance, or authority, or being in pain, or telling my own truth. I use the feelings I feel in these movies to clear my own system.

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An interesting aside

When Martin Sheen was being filmed in Apocalypse Now, he had a heart attack. As the story is told, as he lay on the stretcher waiting to go the hospital, he expressed to his wife how afraid he was. She leaned over him and whispered, “It’s only a movie!!” It is said that this one sentence turned his mind around to the point that he was able to relax and decide to live.

Tapping for the non-human!

My computer was acting up. It sounded like a sick cow. I do so much work on my computer I felt panicked. What do I do about this? Is there even any other Mac person in Gore? In the Southland? I feel so alone in this faraway land halfway across the world from home. And different. Really different from everyone here - to the point of feeling very lonely sometimes. I wondered if I could tap for the computer - as well as myself. A little bizarre, but - so? Even though I feel like a complete idiot tapping for a computer an outlander unacceptable and crazy all alone sick I don’t know how to get fixed there is something major wrong with me it will never get fixed no-one knows how no-one even wants to help me No-one can help me I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to experience optimal health and to know at my core that I am loved Tapping for the computer and myself felt strange, but after about three rounds, it stopped its lowing sound! I had a hit what was really wrong with it, and called the computer place in a nearby town to see if I could get them to fix it. Which they did And we both, computer and I - felt better!

making sounds

There are times when I have no idea what it is I’m dealing with, but I know I’m “off.” Or when I feel so strongly about something that I find it impossible to form words. So I just say: even though I am arrrrggggghhhhh I deeply and completely accept myself.

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even though I am so waaaaaaahhhhhh I deeply and completely accept myself. Point is, there is something off balance. It really doesn’t matter what its name is, as long as we can pinpoint it and address it. Our subconscious knows what it is, where it is and how to get to it. Let it go there and do it! Just being able to express it feels good - but being able to tap on it and let it go is awesome good fortune! So just start where you are. Even if there is no name for how you feel - just grooowwll or hoooowwwl and let images, sounds or feelings come - or not - as they will. The point is that the process can help smooth out or completely take away that pain.

Penelope

Penelope was upset about how her husband treated her when he drank. With others, he was the life of the party, but at home, became abusive to her. She told me that she had tried to tap on it, but was unable to find words that felt right to her, or that resulted in any real change for herself when she was done tapping.

be specific

Penelope told me that she had been tapping on feeling bad, feeling hurt, and other such global terms. So I explained to her that although we can tap on general issues with success, sometimes we need to get a bit more specific. She said she found it difficult to find “the right” words. I explained to her that it’s best to start right where we are, and asked her exactly what prompted her to meet with me. She said that he had yelled at her and she felt squashed. Well! That sound like a great place to start! I held my arms out as wide as I could, and said, if this is a ten, and my hands together in front of me is a zero, how intense is the feeling around this? Eight. So we tapped: even though he yells at me and I’m afraid of him and that he might hurt me and I feel humiliated and squashed I deeply and completely accept myself

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We got that down to about a three, then a zero.

an energy pattern

Through talking about it, we discovered that there was a repetitive energetic scenario: he yelled at her to the point that she cried, then he would soften and console her. She had tried to harden herself to the yelling, since she had become tired of crying all the time, but she didn’t want to go through the pattern anymore. We tapped on: even though he wants to feel powerful but can’t unless I’m hurt and he has to save me to be a man and is threatened by my strength I deeply and completely accept myself and I give up having to be weak for him to save me or love me

earlier

I asked her if she remembered the first time he had yelled at her, where she had felt squashed. She talked about how they had gone together to a social event when they were both in their twenties. The event was held by a group of her co-workers at a college. She was concerned that they wouldn’t accept him, and asked him not to talk only about soccer and building, but to be open to what the others were talking about. He reacted by yelling at her and saying, among other things, “Who the hell do you think you are?” Penelope’s intensity on that was a raging 10. We tapped: even though he yelled at me and I was very upset and I hated it and I felt squashed and I hear who the hell do you think you are I deeply and completely accept myself

even earlier

Another situation came up as we were tapping. We got the yelling/squashed down to a zero, and then she told me about how at the age of 15, Penelope had told her mother that she believed her mother didn’t love her.

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Her mother had yelled at her and denied “such a thing,” and Penelope felt even less loved than ever. That was a full ten. even though my mother yelled at me and I felt squashed and I felt even less loved than before and my mother didn’t love at me I deeply and completely accept myself

being perfect

We then discussed how she had taken on the impossible task of trying to be and do everything perfect so she could be loved and accepted. How difficult that was, and how, in truth, we are all perfect in our imperfect ways. How important it is to accept ourselves first. If we don’t accept who we are, then who will? And how difficult it might be to live with a “perfect” person! We tapped more: even though I have to be prefect to get my mother’s approval and my husband’s love and it just makes it worse for me to try to be perfect and I hate it I deeply and completely accept myself

standing up for herself

Penelope talked about how she fell apart when she tried to stand up for herself and say what she was really thinking. Recently, after having not said anything to him about his drinking/ abuse for a long time, Penelope decided she would try. She asked her husband if he “had to do that” at the party they had been to. As she spoke the words, he started yelling at her and she collapsed, not being able to find the strength to stand up or find the right words to way.

time and practice

It takes practice and patience to come out of a longtime, squashed shell. We talked about how, if I gave her a hammer, it’s not likely that she would turn around and build a mansion right away. She’d have to get used to the hammer, try it out, develop muscles, and start practicing on some old wood no-one cares about. Get her hand and the rest of her body attuned to using the hammer and any other tools she’d be building with.

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It’s the same with coming back to ourselves - we need to build our strength, and practice. Get the rest of our system used to new energy running through it. The system has to get used to the new tool, the new information, and the new way of being that is a result of tapping - integrating it into our experience as smoothly and effectively as we can. We can’t expect to be able to speak up for ourselves in a strong, determined way after having been beaten down for so long. After having been undermined, unable to even think of the words, especially in any cohesive, meaningful order. So we tapped: even though I can’t think of the words and he yells and I fall apart and I get so upset I collapse I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to build my strength slowly and know that my subconscious will show me the right words to say.

communication

We discussed the possibility of getting together with some of her friends in a group, and practicing speaking. Tapping to get resentment and fear out of the way. Speaking from their heart instead of their fear. Getting words, gestures and inflection back into their communication. Coming from “I” instead of an accusatory “you.”

what is enough?

I asked her if leaving him was something she had considered. She said that after 48 years of marriage, if it got to that point, yes, but she would rather not - she still loved him. I asked her what “that point” was. She said that if, after a year from now he still hasn’t come around and she still feels frightened of him, it would be time for her to leave the marriage. She was OK with that. We both have taken heart from a friend who has watched her husband change as she, herself, has gone quietly about taking self-empowering steps in her own life. He had been, in her mind, a cantankerous, silent, taciturn man who would never share an iota of information or news with her, even things having to do with the family. Now when he comes home he asks her what she’s been up to, tells her what he’s been doing, and discusses things with her. He even started asking her to go to movies with him - and took her out for a Valentine’s Day dinner and movie! All simply by tapping on and by herself! When we get safe, our world and people in it become safe.

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why are we together?

I believe that relationships have purpose. If there is no longer any purpose to our relationship, we need to re-look at what we have, changing what we’re doing accordingly. I asked Penelope if there was a creative aspect to her marriage, to which she replied that there certainly was! I suggested that she could focus more on that, and expand upon it with him, rather than zeroing in on what she didn’t like. A friend of mine once wondered:

Why are we always looking at what we don’t like and don’t have, instead of focusing on where we want to go, what we want to do, and who we want to play work with? Yeah. Why do we do that?

making the first move

I suggested she increase how much she complimented him or talked about how much she appreciated what they did together or have created as a pair - everyone needs appreciation and attention. To do it with as much real love and affection as she could - not just utter empty phrases - people know when we’re lying! We talked about how hard it is to begin to compliment the people we’re angry at or afraid of. Sometimes it takes a bit of work to start being complimentary again. But we all like to be acknowledged. Since she was the one aware of the problem, she was the one with the power, and it was her responsibility to make the moves, since he was still in reaction. It can be hard to make the first loving move if we have resentment. I read something the other day, and forgive me if it’s yours because I can’t remember who said it, but it went like this:

“Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.” Resentment eats us from the inside out. If we tap on our feelings, get clear, and allow our natural love to just be, we’re safe to be around. If Penelope tapped on herself, perhaps it’d be safe for her husband, who is accustomed to

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protecting himself by being rough, to drop his shield, even if only for a minute. It may only be for a moment, but it’s a win, right there, both for the person who became safe, and for the person who felt previously afraid. We tapped: even though I’m angry at my husband for what he’s done and he’s been ugly and abusive and has hurt me and I’m afraid he’ll hurt me again I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to look for what is good and what I like about him and to tap on my doubts, fears and insecurities so I can become clear enough to see him and his worth and my own! and then... even though I feel ugly inside, afraid and weak and just a weak weenie, poor me.... Don’t ask me what made me say that, but when I did we had cleared so much that, instead of being offensive it was hilarious, and we both lost it in gales of laughter. Color returned to Penelope’s face, and her voice was strong and musical. Her intensity rating was down to less than one now, but she still had a bit of a “hole feeling” in her heart, and a feeling like a knot in her belly. She was very much aware that she had a problem, wanted to change it, and had the tools with which to do so. She knew she was the one with the power. even though he makes me sick and I feel like I have to vomit I’m so stressed out I deeply and completely love and accept myself and I am willing to consider forgiving myself and him for anything we have done to contribute to this

clearing by imagery

That done, I had her close her eyes and tell me what the hole in her heart looked like. Then I had her go in with an imaginary fire hose that squirted out a big stream of white light to clean out any residue or remaining grime in the hole. Then I had her change the light’s color, and fill the hole with the vital, rich red that was now coming out of the hose. And once again we changed the color, this time to gold. Now she covered her whole heart with the gold, and put a lovely white sparkling ribbon around it.

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the knot

Now we looked at the knot in her belly. The rope was grey, rough, thick, and stiff. She went in and untied the knot, and slowly removed it. I had her hold it up in front of her, and gradually run down its length with her other hand, covering it with light as she did. After a couple runs down the rope I asked her what it felt like now. Penelope said it was smoother and the color had changed to white. She then turned it into a little ball of cotton, and blew it away. Then I had her go back in, clean, and fill the place where the rope had been. She came back when she was ready after taking a couple deep breaths. When she opened her eyes, it was as if there was another person sitting in front of me - she was bright, alert, and her eyes were shining with love and ease.

marriage or divorce?

There’s something else I want to say here. We marry someone for good reasons (most of the time, anyway!). In our daily struggle with kids, cars, money, war or whatever, it is so easy to forget we used to love and adore the other person of our partnership: he or she can become the target for everything-that-is-wrong-with-our-marriage/life. This is a cop-out. I’ve talked with more than a few people who divorced who tell me how at first, afterwards, things were great, but then the same old stuff came up again. Sometimes I wonder how necessary it is to divorce to get personal resolution. Try to remember the person you married. If he or she just isn’t - or you aren’t - there anymore, maybe it’s then time to move on.

Asthma and expression Marie was a slim, trim, strong - shy - woman in her thirties. She was curious to see if EFT could help with her asthma. Although she had been a massage therapist for some years, and had a fairly good grasp of energy theories, she was worried that EFT couldn’t possibly change anything. No other therapy she had tried has worked, and she was allergic to the conventional medicines and sprays she was given by her GP. We carefully rated her constricted breath. It was worse than usual, a nine. She was very obviously struggling to breathe fully. We tapped on:

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even though I have this “nine” constricted breath and I have to struggle to control it and I have to struggle to contain my fear and it makes me feel weak and I’m afraid I might pass out driving I deeply and completely love and accept myself and my body Within about five rounds we got a fifty per cent improvement in her breathing. Marie could sit up better with more strength in her back, and had more light in her eyes, and wasn’t straining so hard to breathe.

mother

I asked her if there was an emotional component here. She just laughed! “Yeah,” she said, “My mother was a brute. She beat me and made me do all the heavy work around the house, take care of my younger brothers and sisters (seven of them), and never let me utter one word. I ran away as a thirteen year old.” I asked her if there was a situation she could pick out of all that that would have been a key incident that we could tap on. So we tapped on: even though my mother didn’t love me and screamed at me as I left the house that day and told me I’d never be any good and I was a mean, nasty girl and never to come back and I haven’t said much to anyone since then I deeply and completely accept myself

alert signals

Here, she burst out in a huge rage, hardly able to sit down. We jumped up and walked around, tapping our collarbone points until she could talk again. She was very embarrassed, not accustomed to so vehemently revealing her feelings, especially in front of a complete stranger. I assured her that since her mind/body system felt safe, it was allowing the triggers and signals that we ordinarily call symptoms to come out and reveal their messages. Those messages, although coming out as different pains, feelings, or strong emotions, usually say the same thing: “Hey! Pay attention! Here’s some disrupted energy that needs to be healed, realigned with its own original natural pathways! DO something!”

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In the past, we wanted to do something, but didn’t know how. Now we do. We tapped some more: even though I can never say how I feel and I’d for sure get punished if I did and my throat closes up when I try and my voice is weak and unsteady and I still can’t breathe completely fully I deeply and completely accept myself and my ability to easily say what I need and want to say I kinda slipped that one in on her, and as she said it, she lit up like a hundred watt bulb. “Yeah! That’s it! “I easily say what I need and want to say! And not only that, but I do it safely, too!” She jumped ahead of me on that one - that was going to be next. Quick study! We did more rounds, doing positive choices tapping, installing the possibility that breathing fully was not only within her capability, but so was safely and happily expressing herself as well.

a note on Safety & privacy

Many adults have issues that they feel are way too sensitive to tell anyone, even in a private session. Since EFT is so flexible, they can use EFT to work on their issues, anyway. We can just say “hmm hmm hmm” instead of naming the issue!

The subconscious knows exactly what’s going on, and will direct the energy to just the right spots to clear the issue up. This modification can be used with kids, too. Kids often don’t want or don’t know how to express what’s going on with them, or don’t like to tell people what they’re feeling. It’s great that we don’t have to say the words when we tap. Pretty cool.

Be present: start right where you’re at.

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Psychological Reversal Chapter nine

WHAT IS IT? Any imbalances in the body’s energy system affect the psychology. Many times the energy in our body’s electrical system has reversed its natural polarity. We call that a “reversal.” It it is also called a Psychological Reversal. Reversal of the body’s polarity has a huge impact. Psychological reversal blocks any attempt at healing: if psychological reversal is present, there will be no healing progress, no matter what modality is used.

an example

What happens if the batteries in my radio are in backwards? Nothing! Why? The poles are reversed, the circuit is broken. It won’t run. You can paint the radio another color, twist the knobs, turn it upside down, stretch it, tweak it or change stations - but without the batteries put in in correctly, it just won’t work. Same thing with the body. If positive is where negative ought to be and vice versa, how can it/we function?

how does this happen?

Let’s say we have a plate with a thin layer of sand on it. It’s obvious to anyone that if we jolt that plate, the sand will go any which way. Same with our body’s energy system when our energy gets jolted. And unless consciously re-directed, it doesn’t go back into the

-+ +

-

- +

+oops!

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same position it started in. Jolted enough, the energy simply goes awry, and reverses. With all the multiple shocks, disruptions, bumps, traumas and jolts we get in our lives, it’s a wonder we function at all!

trauma

Trouble is, traumatization which causes our energy to become reversed, also, most of the time, causes us to make a possibly incorrect decision or have an incorrect perception that goes right along with the reversed energy. Here’s an example. At the age of five, I went to a beach with my family. There were big shore breakers, and since my mother knew I loved the water, she had to keep an eye on me so I wouldn’t get thrashed by the waves or get sucked out by the undertow. But she was distracted for a split second, in which time I got simultaneously thrashed and pulled out under the wave. I was terrified. I couldn’t breathe or see or hear, and the water was so strong it felt as if I was going to go out to sea forever.

response

My dad saw me disappear, though, and ran to grab me out of the surf. Instead of comforting me with “Aw, you poor thing!” and a lot of hoo-ha, though, he turned it around for my mind by saying “Wow! What a courageous girl you are to brave such big waves! It’s a good thing you’re so strong and able to swim!” He went on like that until I stopped crying. Then he waded out with me until we were beyond the shore breakers, and showed me how to deal with getting pushed over by a wave until I was good at it.

if....

If he hadn’t done that, it’s very likely that I could have developed an extreme fear of the water, and ended up with a belief like “the ocean is a killer,” or “I’ll die if I go in, or even near, that water.” I could have ended up shaking and nervous, heart pumping fast and sweaty hands every time I even thought about going within 50 feet of the water. I could have had a major reversal there, but didn’t, because my father helped me to redirect my energy in a positive way. People do experience reversals, which cause phobias. And not just about water. About heights, flying, the opposite sex, sex itself, driving, being out in the open, snakes, animals

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and insects, dentists, public speaking - any number of phobias for any number of situations. It has been discovered that in most cases, if someone has a phobia, there is a psychological reversal.

how do i know if i am reversed?

If I have had a problem for a long time, gone to a doctor, chiropractor, acupuncturist, body worker, etc., and they all helped a little or even a lot but it didn’t last, chances are that my system is reversed. If I work really hard at my job or at my business, and get within a hair’s breadth of succeeding and suddenly everything falls apart - time after time - you can bet I am reversed on succeeding. If I have been depressed for years you can pretty much assume I have been reversed for as many. If I am addicted to smoking, alcohol, working too much, sex, abusive relationships, or have compulsive behavior, I will most likely be reversed. If I tap the Sequence without the even though...I accept section on a problem and get nowhere, it is very likely that I am reversed.

electrical reversal

Our energy works like an electrical circuitry in the body system. When our “wires” are healthy and in their proper places within our system, uncrossed, unfrayed and uncut, we work OK. Just like a battery hooked up to a light bulb. When our circuits are shorted out or crossed, it’s as if you crossed the wires in the back of your radio. It will sound like a zzzt!, a crackling noise, when the wires are crossed, and the radio won’t work, or may even burn out! When our “wires” are crossed, we feel burnt out and/or can’t function well. When the circuit is closed, it operates in a normal fashion.

eft bypass

It is possible to use muscle checking, or kinesiology, to test if we are reversed or not. The simplicity of the EFT process in itself by-passes the need to find out if we are reversed - it’s unnecessary to check for reversals or what meridians to use each and every time. This is achieved by the inclusion of an anti-reversal segment right in the process.

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even though

That’s why we say the even though...I accept part at the beginning of every tapping Sequence. It’s called a “Setup” statement because we are setting ourselves up for tapping by unreversing any reversals that may be present. The statement of the problem or issue - the even though I have this feeling, issue or problem part - tells the subconscious what we want to address, and automatically undoes any reversal. This also gives the system a chance to express something it has held onto for probably a long time. It’s been squished back down into the system without a chance to voice itself.

i accept myself

The I accept myself part reminds the subconscious to remember the Core Self, our Deep Self, who We Really Are, which is deeper and stronger than the broken or reversed identity we have lived within for so long. I don’t have a clue why these statements reverse the reversal. All I can tell you is that they do, and continue using them. I’ve seen too many cases of it working to dispute it. It may simply be our intentionality. Who knows?

finding the words for weight loss

Fran wanted to get to a certain goal weight. We discussed her fears behind losing weight. What would happen in her life if she lost weight and started looking good? What would she not be able to handle? These were clues to the issues blocking her ability to get to her goal weight. She came up with statements that were the opposite of her real intended goal. Then we used them as the setup statements, such as: even though I don’t really want to lose weight I’d be scared to lose weight I’d have to handle men looking at me if I lost weight I’d rather die than lose weight I’d lose all my friends if I lost weight Next she said the I deeply and completely accept myself part, and then use the phrases stated above as tapping phrases while tapping on each point down the face and body:

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EB point: don’t want to lose weight SE point: scared UE point: can’t handle men UN point: rather die, etc., and so on.

reversals list

Here is a whole long list of possible reversal statements. See what others you can add to the end of the list! I can’t ______________________ (example: I can’t give up smoking) I won’t ______________________ I don’t want to ______________________ It would be bad for me to __________________ If I __________ , it would change me too much If I ________________ I’d have to be responsible (example: If I had money,....) Forever will happen before I _________________ It’s impossible for me to _____________________ I will never ______________________ I’m blocked about ______________________ I’d rather whine about ______________________ I’d rather complain than take action to ______ I like not ______________________ I love not ______________________ Who would I be if I ______________________ How would I act if I ______________________ No one would like me if I ____________________ I’m doubtful I will ever ______________________ I hesitate to ever ______________________ I’m reluctant to ______________________ I’m procrastinating about ___________________ I’m in pain about ______________________ I hurt to even think about ___________________ I’m sick at the very thought of _______________ I feel ill/hurt at the very thought of interacting with __________________________ It would kill me to ______________________ I’d rather die than to ______________________ I don’t know why I can’t ____________________ It’s too hard to ______________________

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I like being so discouraged about ___________ Some part of me doesn’t want me to ________ I’m not ready to have ______________________ Not having _____________ has been my friend I’m scared to ______________________ I’d feel deprived if ______________________ I’d feel starved if I ______________________ No one will love me if I ______________________ I won’t be valued if I ______________________ I won’t be respected if I _____________________ I won’t be honored if I ______________________ No-one would listen to me if I ________________ It would threaten others too much if I ________ People would think I am ____________ if I _____ If I ___________ I’d have to take care of myself I’d be all alone if I ______________________ I’d be abandoned if I ______________________ I’d be betrayed if I ______________________ I’d be ripped off if I ______________________ It would be too much trouble if I _____________ I don’t have enough energy to ______________ I’d feel overwhelmed if I _____________________ It would be too confusing if I ________________ My friends/family/co-workers wouldn’t approve if I ______________________ They would think I am _________ if I _________ I’d have to hide if I ______________________ I will never, never ______________________ I hear “who do you think you are” if I _________ I have no right to ______________________ I don’t deserve to ______________________ I really shouldn’t ______________________ How could I ever think I could _______________ I’d lose _________________ if I ___________ Not having (being/doing) _________ is how it’s meant to be God wouldn’t love me if I ___________________ I’d be a sinner if I ______________________ God doesn’t want me to ____________________

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It’s not my place to ______________________ I’d be shunned if I ______________________ God would punish me if I ____________________ I love to focus on what I don’t have rather than what I do I love to complain I don’t want to see another way so I prefer to stay this way I hate being pushed so I prefer to stay this way I hate being told what to do so I prefer to stay this way I feel like I have no choice so I prefer to stay this way If someone tells me what to do, I’ll do the opposite, even if I know it’s bad for me This not having __________________ is my friend Giving up ______________________ equals pain I can’t decide to ______________________ so I prefer to stay this way Someone else has to decide for me to _______ so I prefer to stay this way If I ____________ no-one will take care of me

Note: reversals Reversals are most likely to be present in the majority of cases of addiction/craving. It’s really effective if you make your setup statement worded as specifically as possible in order to correlate exactly with how you’re feeling. You may have to try several versions in order to get just the right phrase, but usually after a little practice, it’s easy to come up with the perfect phrase out of the blue - the subconscious knows just what to say if we will just let it!

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Taking Apart the Sequence Chapter ten

What is the issue?

Sometimes, we know there is something amiss, but we might not have specific words to express what’s going on. What do we do? We feel it. We listen for the wording of our thoughts and spoken words. We look within. We become aware of our thoughts. Freda was afraid the dog next door would jump the fence and bite her. But she says she doesn’t know what to say since she is having difficulty feeling it, and has no rating for it. Since she’s one of those people who have a hard time recognizing and naming their feelings, I asked her what are her thoughts about the dog, and her seeming vulnerability. Whew! Different story! ”What I’ve read about this kind of dog,” she says, “tells me that they easily jump even high fences, they bite you and don’t let go....” Do you see where to go here? From her thoughts, it was simple to construct these phrases: even though I’m afraid that dog will jump our fence even though I’m afraid the dog will bite me and not let go even though I feel powerless to stop it or protect myself See how easy it can be to glean information to use for tapping? Then I asked her how true it was that she was afraid and powerless. She said, “100%!” There’s her rating.

bit by bit

Sometimes it’s too painful to feel the whole thing all at once. So we do little bit by little bit.

example

Today I came home from a walk and was feeling wildly unsettled. I had no real reason I

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could think of for feeling that way, and no place in me that was specifically out of balance. My whole system just wanted to scream and make noise! But I didn’t want to feel that way when I sat down to write!

feel it

I felt how I felt, and put words to it: jangled, wild, unsettled, nuts, scattered. Sounds like an energy disruption to me!

Rate it

As we have discussed before, unless we can get a reference point for where we begin, we can’t tell if we have gotten anywhere. Since I felt pretty scattered - my heart was pumping fast and shallow, my breathing was rapid and short, my face was flushed and my mind felt unclear and too scattered to be able to focus well - I rated it all at about a 9. I didn’t give it a ten because I was still able to focus on the problem without losing my ability to be present completely.

Write the rating down I wrote down a 9.

The setup phrase Acknowledge the issue.

even though I feel/do or have _________________ We have to know where we are before we can move to the next place. When we acknowledge the problem, we are telling our subconscious what it is we want to work on, what we want to focus our attention on, so we can make another choice, and know we’ve moved when we’re done. By tapping on the Karate Chop point or rubbing the Sore Spot, I like to think that we’re telling the body to wake up and pay attention. We’re addressing our system, making our intention for change known to our subconscious/energy system.

how?

We do this with the intention, the voice, and the Karate Chop point or Sore Spot.

the setup statement

Speak the setup statement out loud, accompanied by the I accept phrase, repeating all of it three times.

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Here’s how it looks: even though I feel/have/do __________________ I deeply and completely accept myself even though I feel/have/do __________________ I deeply and completely accept myself even though I feel/have/do __________________ I deeply and completely accept myself So, what I said for myself was:

even though I feel wild and scattered and my heart is beating too fast I have this short, shallow breath and my face is flushed and red and my mind is unclear I deeply and completely accept myself

The accept myself phrase

Even with these problems we still deeply and completely accept ourselves, anyway. So we say: I deeply and completely accept myself We may have made a bunch of mistakes and blunders in our lives, been ill or bad tempered or even outright nasty. But somewhere under it all is that Perfect Eternal Self, that Something that is the Essence of our Being. The I deeply and completely accept myself phrase directs our subconsciousness back to the knowingness, the feeling of, and connection to our own eternal perfection, our Source-ness. It reminds us that even though we’ve had all these experiences and upsets and things gone wrong (and right!), we are still absolutely one hundred percent OK, acceptable, loveable and perfect in the eyes of the Divine, whatever that is for each of us. So I did the setup, accept phrases, three times: even though I feel wild and scattered I deeply and completely accept myself

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tap on it

Then I tapped on it, using the words scattered, wild as I went down my face, collarbone and under the arm. I did three rounds.

choose

Dr. Patricia Carrington, an innovative therapist in the USA, uses one more step that I like to integrate in my own process, as well. It’s an “I choose” phrase. It finishes off the whole thing nicely. Like this: I go through most of the upsetting stuff first, then when I get to a point where I have had a lot of release, I add what I would prefer instead of the upset, situation or state that I was in at first.

The choice phrase:

and I choose ____________________ Since I already knew how I wanted to feel, I added: and I choose to feel calm and clear. even though I still feel wild and scattered I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to feel calm and clear.

Re-feel, rate, write it

I re-felt my system, and noticed that my breath was calmer and more even, my heart rate was slower, and my mind was more clear and able to focus. But I still felt a bit off, so I rated it at a 3.

one more round

Then I tapped using the reminder phrase scattered, wild for two rounds down one side of the body, then calm and clear for two rounds down the other side of the body. Zero! Ready to write! Yes!

On the next couple of pages are outlines of the setup/process.

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The BASIC Sequence 1. Feel the pain/sensation or see/imagine the issue 2. Write it down briefly 3. Rate the intensity zero to ten 4. Write it down 5. Do the set-up statement: Say statements a, b & c in a complete set three times as you rub the Sore Spot or firmly strike the Karate Chop Point: a. Even though I _______(insert your phrase here)____ b. I deeply and completely accept myself (or, if for a child: I’m a great kid, or another appropriate phrase) c. and (when you are ready to do so) I choose _______(insert your phrase here)____

6. Do the Tapping Sequence: Repeat the gist of the “Even Though” phrase as you tap down one side of the body Repeat the gist of the “I choose” phrase as you tap down the other side of the body

7. Re-feel, re-rate zero to ten 8. Write your rating and any notes down.

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An example: 1. I can’t sleep 2. Write it down 3. Feel it/rate it 4. Write it down 5. The Setup statement: Rubbing the Sore Spot or striking the Karate Chop point, repeat three times:

1. Even though I can’t sleep 2. I deeply and completely accept myself 3. and I choose to sleep well and wake up refreshed 6. Tap on the problem: Repeat can’t sleep, can’t sleep, etc., as you tap on the points on one side of the body with the tips of your first two fingers Do two rounds (top to bottom is a round) minimum; do more if it feels right

Tapping on the choice:

Repeat sleep well, awaken refreshed, sleep well, awaken refreshed, etc., as you tap on the points on the other side of the body.

Do a minimum of two rounds tapping. Do more if it feels right. Add the Finger Points and/or The Gamut if you want to add further impact.

7. Feel new intensity 8. Write your rating down with any notes Later on I’ll talk about other tapping points and variations of the phrases to intensify, speed up or simplify the process, or to use when you feel stuck.

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EFT is ultimately a very flexible process, and many changes and variations of it can be made while still achieving excellent results.

Note:

In the interest of interesting reading, I have used a shorter way to record the phrasings of the sessions I’ve included in this book. This is how a session usually sounds: Even though I have __________________ I deeply and completely accept myself Even though I have __________________ I deeply and completely accept myself Even though I have __________________ I deeply and completely accept myself But if I wrote it that way, you - and I, in the writing - would be bored to tears by the time you got through reading the sessions. So, I have elected to write them this way: Even though I have this (one problem) _______ and this (other problem/feeling) ____________ and this (other problem/feeling) ____________ I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose _______________ This lets you know that the person whose session it is worked on all those things - but not all at once in one setup or choice! I insert I choose phrases when they’re used in the sessions. I’m leaving out the reminder phrases as it would be redundant, and deadly boring to read!

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remember 1. Feel the pain/sensation or see/imagine the issue. 2. Write it down. 3. Rate it one to ten. 4. Write down the rating. 5. Do the Setup/Accept phrases, and the Choice phrases withe Karate Chop or Sore Spots 6. Tap the Sequence

7. Re-feel it/re-rate it, as many times as you need 8. Write it down.

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I Deeply and Completely Accept Myself Chapter eleven the acceptance statement This phrase is an absolutely essential element of the Setup statement. I’ve seen a lot of people get really hung up with this phrase. We’re just not used to saying much less thinking! - I accept myself, and sometimes we balk at it. I spent a lot of time just working on that part of it, myself. I realized that not only did I not accept myself, much less deeply, but I had a lot that I actually hated about myself. Hard to admit, but I did. So if you say this: I deeply and completely accept myself, and don’t believe it, don’t feel like you’re the only one!

work it!

Just take that one phrase and work it till you do feel acceptance. There’s a tremendous peace when you come to the end of working it that’s worth every second of questioning.

Dig into it. Why do you not accept yourself?

There are many possible reasons why not. No matter what they are, underneath it all, every last one of us is OK. In our Deep Self, our eternal self, we are OK. Whatever comes up for you when you say the phrase, stop and tap on that, and take as long as it takes to get through it. It’s worth it - indescribably so - to be OK with that one phrase.

Here are some possible phrases I’ve seen people use: I just don’t accept myself I hate myself I feel guilty for loving myself I’m selfish I’m stupid I’m too much for people

my mother might think I was vain my father would disapprove my brothers would laugh at me who do you think you are? how dare you! I’m a bad person

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this one little phrase is sooooo important

As I told you, when I first started to use EFT, I had a really difficult time saying the I accept myself phrase. I was surprised, because I had done a massive amount of work using Avatar tools on that particular issue - being 100% OK with me. I realized that every time I tapped, I was secretly thinking, in the back of my mind after each time I said it, that I was NOT acceptable. And no, I did very definitely not accept myself. I decided to drag it out to the nubs and work on that particular issue all by itself. I started with: Even though I don’t accept myself, I deeply and completely accept myself I choose to accept myself. But it went deeper, and I went through several layers of it: Even though I don’t like myself I don’t like my life I feel like I’m doing my life wrong I hate it that I hate my life I hate it that I hate myself I hate it that I don’t accept myself I hate it that I hate it I don’t accept myself not accepting myself I still deeply and completely accept myself. and I choose to deeply and completely accept myself to like myself to love my life know that I’m doing my life right and I choose to love and accept myself no matter what At that last, something Clicked inside me, and a peace came over me like an enormous wave. It swept through my whole body, and I felt myself relax in a way I have never before experienced. It was as if something had lifted, and I knew it would never return.

accepting me

By getting myself to go through the I accept myself part of the EFT setup until I felt really comfortable saying I accept myself, I have felt different for the first time in my life: Peaceful. I DO accept and love me now. Whew! I NEVER could have honestly said that before.

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a more powerful peace Is this the peace we all seek?

Could it really be attained by political action? Protesting? Wars? Civil disobedience? I don’t think so. This is such a personal peace. I’m thinking about the way it would affect our planet and our socio-economic-political arena if everyone had - and liberally used! - this technology. What if we were all so happy we didn’t even think about raiding anyone else’s borders, land, oil fields or honey jars? What if the people in the positions of power had this technology and used it - would the money they now spend for “defense” be used instead for the real welfare of the people? Would they have the need to love power-over people or the planet, or would they use power in service to Love? For the nurturing of every person, and the expansion of our potential as creative human beings? What a thought!

your reactions

What about you? What thoughts run through your mind when you look in the mirror, or get a compliment, or find someone else looking at you?

What kind of messages are written on the inner walls of your mind? If someone gives you a compliment, do you fall back and say, “Oh this old dress! It’s so old!” Or how about this one, when someone says you did something so well, “Oh, no, I don’t think so, I could’ve done so much better!”

energy food

When someone gives us a compliment, they’re feeding us with their energy. And when we fall back and avoid the compliment, we are refusing their gift, their food for us.

Try this the next time you get a compliment.

Feel the energy running through your body - that’s the part that we pull away from because

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it feels uncomfortable. It’s not part of our numb defense system, and feels dangerous or unsafe, somehow. Breathe in a slow, deep breath, and wait one whole second as you ponder what the person said. It may seem a long second, but the other person won’t even notice. Looking them right in the eye, say, softly and sincerely, “Thank you.” You’ll find that it’ll be a lot easier to receive a compliment from now on, and that you’ll get better and better at it. And if you really really accept yourself, you’ll get better at it even faster and even easier.

beautiful nails

Louise wanted to quit biting her nails. As soon as Louise started talking, I had to do a silent Easy Comfort Procedure (see chapter 19) on myself. Her mind works in a relaxed, slow, and lavish way, being very kinesthetic (a very physical, body-oriented) person. I had an extra difficulty in relating to her, as my own mind works extremely fast, being a visual/auditory sort. At times I have difficulty slowing down enough to really hear what people like Louise are saying. It wasn’t until I did my long bout with acceptance that I could slow down enough to realize I needed to! Isn’t it great that now I can understand why it might be hard to converse with someone, and do something about it!

breathing Breathing is the Gateway to our inner world. When we allow ourselves to slow down and just notice our breath go in and out, in and out, the conscious mind settles into a rote function and the unconscious mind is free to communicate with us. I had to do a lot of conscious breathing in order to get myself out of the way for the session. I had Louise breathe with me, as well, so we could be entrained.

entrainment

Have you ever seen those old-fashioned clocks that have the pendulum swinging down under them? Did you know that if two or more of them are placed in a room together, the pendulums will swing out of synch with each other for a while, but gradually, they begin to shift their swing, until all of a sudden you notice they are all swinging in a concerted motion! Yup! True! It’s an amazing sight. That’s called entrainment - everyone swinging or working or singing - or breathing - together. All at once, at one rhythm, one beat.

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When two or more people breathe together, a synchronicity is created. It enables each person to feel or sense the other better, to resonate with them. I start off all my workshops with a simple breathing exercise that not only increases everyone’s breathing range, allowing for more energy and alertness, but it also entrains us. In this case with Louise, I knew she was a kinesthetic person - very slow to react, slow thoughts, simple wording. NOT dumb, by any means, simply operating at a vastly different speed from my own.

response

Most visual people I have done sessions with have very rapid reactions when we talk about their issues. If they aren’t already familiar with the attitude of thanking their problems for showing up to be cleared, a lot of quick excuses often get thrown out as a habitual defensive measure - until they understand that negative emotion is simply energy disruption, and not a character flaw. With Louise, it was a pleasure to not have all kinds of smart, quick answers come out of her in defense of her stated problem. She simply stated what was going on and smiled.

embarrassment

It turned out that she actually didn’t mind that she bit her nails. But she was embarrassed to show her hands in front of other people. She also wanted beautiful nails. We tapped on: even though I bite my nails and other people hate it I don’t mind but I don’t have beautiful nails and I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to have beautiful nails Interesting. My experience with biting nails has been that it’s a stress relief. It didn’t seem to fit the bill here when I brought it up. Maybe it was too buried, too deep for that session to bring up. We did a few rounds and got her from a seven to a one, but didn’t want to go any further. She was pleased to let it go at that. Louise didn’t bite her nails for almost two weeks, the longest she’d gone in years. But she slowly began sliding into doing it again. Since she won’t tap for herself, and doesn’t want another session yet - “I’m too busy” - I have a feeling the nails will continue to get chewed.

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Until we get to the anxiety - the energy disruption - that drives the habit, the biting will continue to be her sedative.

More nails

Billy is about 56 or 57; works at a bank. He called me one afternoon, desperate to see me. He told me he “couldn’t take it anymore.” He sounded so distraught that I thought maybe he needed a suicide hot line or something, and I was concerned that he was going to want more from me as a therapist than I could give him. He laughed and said “No! I just want to stop biting my nails!” I sighed a big sigh of relief and told him, “That’s easy!”

I’ve tried it all!

He objected, saying he’d tried “everything in the book and more with no success,” even that bitter poison gunk that’s supposed to stop him from biting them. Turned out he was allergic to it!

biting/can’t sleep

Billy is tall, strong, and fit, with thick dark hair and a rugged outdoors kind of face. The kind of guy you see in those Handsome Cowboy commercials. His nails were utterly destroyed. They looked painful, bitten far down on the quick. He told me he didn’t even know he was doing it most of the time, but when he did notice it, it was usually at night, after work. He loved books, and would sit in a favorite chair reading - all the while unconsciously chewing non-stop on those poor nails. He also had a sleeping problem - only sleeping about two or three hours a night.

don’t talk, just take care of it!

I started to talk to him about disrupted energy, but he stopped me and told me he “didn’t give a damn about how or why, just please can we get on with it?” He rated his feelings about the biting at a 10, and the sleep about the same. So we jumped right in with: even though I can’t sleep I toss and turn I only sleep a few hours a night at most and I bite my nails without even knowing it I know I’m OK

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He hated the I accept myself phrase, and we ended up with this shorter version, I know I’m OK. Whatever works! We easily got to a three on the sleep and a seven on the nails, then got stuck for a couple rounds. No movement at all. So I had him tap: even though I’m stuck and I don’t really want to give this up I like it it soothes me I know I’m OK

Blam! Right down to a zero! He’d been reversed- didn’t really want to give it up - because he needed the biting as a sedative. Now he was open to a little explanation, so I told him how a disruption in the energy system makes us feel anxious, causes a bzzzt! in our nervous system. We then look for a sedative that takes the anxiety that the bzzzt! caused away.

We find a substance or activity that calms us, and we do it over and over to calm ourselves until it becomes a habit. To the point sometimes where it feels like life or death if we have to give it up. So when we try, we can’t. Part of us needs and wants the sedating habitual substance or activity.

that hit home

He thought about the nail-biting a bit, and said that now that he thought about it, he could hear himself humming as he bit his nails! He’d never realized it before! We continued: even though I still bite my nails and hum and I want to bite my nails and don’t want to give it up what will I do to calm myself?

don’t take away my fix!

Billy was suddenly very anxious about what to do instead. He was really worried that if we took away the nail-biting, he’d go for alcohol or smoking, or something else. I again explained about the energy disruption, and tried to make it clear that when he evened out his energy flow, he wouldn’t need to do anything else. And if the anxiety did

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come back, he could tap on it himself, at home. He was amazed how deeply he had needed to do the biting. It was neat to see the understanding come over his face.

continuing

I gave him one of my EFT booklets with the Sequence and Tapping Points, and went over it with him so he’d know exactly what to do. He was ready to let the nail-biting go now. We continued with: even though I still want to bite my nails and I’m afraid of giving it up and I need to calm myself somehow Here he stopped and said, “Wow! If I could use tapping instead of biting my nails....” He really got it! I know I’m OK anyway and I choose to stop biting my nails and I choose to sleep well for as many hours as I like We got it all to a zero. He was thrilled. I was in the grocery store a few weeks later when he came rushing up to me and showed me his nails - perfect!

accepting myself

Billy was another example of someone who was uncomfortable with acknowledging himself as acceptable. But he still wouldn’t let it get in the way of his success. I rather liked his I know I’m OK, and I sat on the phrase until a month or two later. Then, knowing I’d soon be flying back to Hawaii, I used his phrase when I made up the Easy Comfort Procedure for fear of flying and air sickness (see Chapter 19, Illustrations of More Tapping Points) because I wanted a quick, easy, easily-acceptable process that would help people on the plane if they were fearful or sick. Seems I always notice someone who needs a little assistance, and I have felt so helpless before. Not now! I dowsed the points to use, and added Billy’s statement. My classes and I tested it out, with good success.

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tapping on sweets

What is just as amazing to me is that after tapping on my craving for sugar and chocolate, it has diminished to the point that I can eat a small piece of a sweet and not want any more. I don’t sit there and eat the whole carton of ice cream - I don’t even like most ice cream any more! - or the whole box of cookies. I just don’t want it. It doesn’t even look or smell like food to me anymore. This is incredible - especially since I’ve craved sweets my entire life.

the gap

Sweets don’t fill the gap. The craving/addiction only serves to continue the cycle of feeling bad, eat sweets, feel worse, eat sweets, declare no more sweets, feel bad, eat sweets, feel worse than ever for eating the sweets and going against the declaration, giving up, feel bad, eat sweets. Does that sound familiar? Self-sabotage, perhaps?

discomfort

Most of us don’t feel OK with ourselves. There is anxiety within us that we can’t handle. We struggle and struggle with the feeling and finally cave in and go for whatever helps us numb out - the addictive substance or activity. Listen to why a smoker doesn’t want to quit - we hear, “cigarettes relax me.” Or why someone else wants to keep on drinking coffee - “I like how it makes me feel.” We hear “I like the taste, I like the way it makes me zone out. It makes me feel strong, energized.” Any number of reasons - all about sedating or stimulating.

inner fight

All these reasons are the surface layers of a deeper friction between our thoughts, beliefs and emotions, and that Deepest Self that knows we are perfect beings. The message is “I feel upset and want to get comfortable.”

go in, not out!

So, both because it is easier to reach for a cigarette or a cookie, and because we were never told about energy maintenance, instead of going inward to correct the energy disruption, we have gone for the external fix. Coffee, cigarettes, too much sex, sugar, fighting with our spouse or relatives, chocolate, pornography, cookies, working too much - whatever we do that we do too much of or with the intention to sedate, stop or cover up the anxiety.

healing within

If we can heal our relationship with ourselves, heal the disrupted energy within us, then we can go about our lives without the constant nagging: this wanting-something-I-don’t-knowwhat-it-is.

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That’s how I know I’m in anxiety - I have this little voice that says I want I want I want. I look around and there isn’t a single thing that would feel satisfying to do or eat. I feel utterly annoyed and irritated about it. If/when I can remember that it’s just anxiety, just energy, I then tap on it. Then I choose what I would rather be doing.

imagine!

I believe that, by using EFT to care for ourselves and our energy systems, we can get to the place where our relationship with ourselves is so good that we can feel great at any time. Period. That might sound a little far-fetched, and maybe even sound unattainable, but if I can get to the point where I don’t crave sweets, I can do anything. And so can you, if I can! What dreams would we go for if we KNEW we could be successful? If we released and recycled our disrupted energy, turning it into into usable energy?

Imagine all the things you could do! Imagine how you could be, what you could do and have!

Keep tapping!

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I Choose! Chapter twelve

clear, then choose Once we clear the tangled energy from our systems, it’s important to redirect our nice, newly flowing clear energy, keeping it aligned with our intentions. CHOICES

At the end of the “even though... I accept myself ” phrases, make a new choice! Big thanks go to Dr. Patricia Carrington, an experienced therapist in the USA, for adding this wonderful step the the EFT protocol. I use it a lot. I believe it’s a really necessary addition.

what/how to choose?

Often, in the heat of the moment of our pain, we don’t know what we want. If you get stuck on the wording, here’s a little something you can do: even though I can’t think what to say I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to easily think of at least ONE statement I like Pick the positive opposite of the negative phrase you started with. You may have no words - if you’re crying and upset and you have nothing to say except aaaaaarrrrghh! Well, then you can say: even though I feel aaarrrrghh, I deeply and completely accept myself, and I choose mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Go through your “negatives” list and choose the very simplest I choose for each item.

waiting

I like to wait till I have some clarity on the issue before I make my choice, so I wait till I’m

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about half or three quarters of the way through the session, at a point where I feel relief coming in. I stop long enough to “see” whatever it might be I would prefer. Something will come up in my mind I hadn’t thought of before, or I’ll visualize an outcome or a situation where I imagine myself feeling really great being who I am and getting just what I want. I resume the sequence by doing another setup statement, and then I include my choice phrase. Then I tap the problem to zero. Here are some examples of choice phrases at the end of the even thought...I accept statements: even though I am feeling anxious and afraid, I deeply and completely accept myself, and I choose to feel calm and collected. even though I can’t sleep sleeping, and I don’t really think I can sleep, and if I do I’ll wake up groggy and tired, I deeply and completely accept myself, and I choose to go to sleep right now, & awaken rested and energetic.

tap the choice

By the time I’ve finished tapping, I feel terrific, and I know my choice is done! Mine! Coming! Or here already! THE CHOICE STATEMENT Say the first parts of the setup statement: even though... I deeply and completely accept myself and then say your preference: I choose __________

In this way you: 1. express the old stuff 2. accept yourself here and now, and 3. make a choice as to what you prefer. One, two, three.

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stage fright example

Brent is an actor who had stage fright. His first Setup Statement went like this: even though I feel afraid when I go onstage I deeply and completely accept myself

tap: i’m afraid

He tapped down the body points saying this Reminder phrase: “I’m afraid.” He got the intensity to a one or a two, then he added the tapping on the I choose phrase. even though I still feel afraid when I go onstage I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to go on fearlessly, easily, feeling inspired

tap: i choose

He tapped down the body points saying this Reminder Phrase: “I’m afraid.” Then he tapped down the body points saying the I choose phrase: “fearless, easy, inspired.”

what do you focus on?

In this day and age of self-help theories and techniques, I find that many people tend to look only at what they want to rid themselves of, or problems they want to solve. What happened to setting goals or having solutions we want to reach? If we continually focus on what it is we don’t like about our lives without having another preference we are aiming for, how can we create or live something else?

turn around!

It’s a good idea to turn the focus around so that, instead of always thinking about and working on what we don’t like about life, we can see, appreciate and expand upon what we do like about life and what we want to create for ourselves.

Why not expand upon:

• being who we are, without limitation

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• expanding and nurturing our talents and potentiality • expanding our prosperity - whatever that means to each of us • being happy - with who we are, what we do, what we’ve got, where we are and the people places and things with whom we interact Let’s get focused on the lights at the end of the tunnel - and way past it! - instead of the tracks we have been down, the tunnel walls, the people we’ve not liked being with or the energetic goop all over the tunnel floor that has kept us from moving on through to the other end! Let’s keep our sights on the awesome gifts we can give and create for ourselves, the lives we want, the way we’d rather live. Do what we can to create that for ourselves, and help our loved ones do it, too. Turns out, the only way we can do that is to choose to do it!

basics Some might think it’s not in them to choose. Many of us were shunted away from thinking about making personal choices at a young age. Our parents, teachers and others who were in charge of our well-being and/or education, although well-meaning, often discouraged us from making choices for ourselves that were appropriate for us. Most of our choices were based on what was good for those around us. So we got used to others making choices for us.

clear out the goop

So let’s address that - let’s knock out those beliefs that we can’t choose, don’t deserve what we want, can’t make it happen, can’t have it - we can’t - we can’t we can’t we can’t! Yeow! Those are all beliefs we can handle with EFT. We can start to choose what it is we do want, filling in the gaps in our lives left where the now-long-gone negative or unwanted beliefs, ideas or values were that we tapped away.

100 things

So try this. Take out a sheet of paper, and write just off the top of your head a hundred items you would like to be, do or have, but feel or believe you can’t or won’t or don’t have

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in your life right now. You can list anything - from money to good health to a boy or girl friend, a cruise with your lover, a good job, or your own thriving business, or just the feeling of being happy, contented or fulfilled. A hundred ideas is a lot - but stick it out - you’ll find that by the end of the list you’ll be hitting on ideas you hadn’t thought of for a long time.

redo/edit

Remember this is an exercise. You can redo or edit the list any time you want. And if you feel like you have already done this a thousand times without results, tap on that! Your life is different now - you have a very powerful tool to help you create what you want, now.

Affirmations

We’ve all probably heard about and used affirmations, right? Some of us didn’t have the greatest experience with them.

successful affirmations

Sometimes affirmations don’t work. How do we make them up so that they do? I believe that an important point is to make them in the first person, present tense. If I say, “I will have ____X_____,” that’s in the future. It will be out there, but won’t come to me. If I say “I want ____X_____,” I am left wanting. The item is still out there but not coming to me. However, if I say, “I have ____X_____,” it is naming the reality I want to have as if I already have it. The laws of magnetism state that

Like attracts like! Universal Law decrees that if and when we’re vibrating the energy of what it is we want, creating a solid affirmation that declares that we already have what we want, that whatever it is has to come to us. It’s already ours! So when I have released all the blocks around what it is I want, and created the new energy flow in my system, that _____X____ must come to me.

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tail-enders

But what if my mind says, immediately after the affirmation: “Yeah right.” Or “No way.” Or “Impossible.” Or “I can’t/don’t believe it?”Or “Where do I think that would come from?” Sound familiar? The sentence or thought that comes to us after we voice the affirmation is the real affirmation that we have been saying all along. These are “tail-enders,” our sometimes very deep, inner conditioning. Those beliefs and ideas are exact reflections of the training and indoctrination we got as children and adults as we went through formative experiences. They have to be dealt with before our affirmations will come true.

If we don’t deal with tail-enders, they manifest by default because they override the affirmation. stumped by others’ beliefs

We say we want to ride that mustang over there. We look out and see a magnificent black horse, prancing and strutting, with eyes of fire. We wish we could ride it, flying on its back, free in the wind over the mountains and through the clouds. But Mom says “we can’t afford a horse, who would take care of it, where would we put it and you wouldn’t take the time to ride it, and if you ride a horse you’ll look unfeminine.” Pop says “if you try to ride you’ll probably fall off.” Brother says “you’re too fat to get on - you’ll kill the horse!” Other brother says “you won’t have the nerve.” Teacher sniggers behind your back saying “you’re too much of a chicken.” Friend says, “you’ll never ride her horse, you’ll ruin its mouth.”

piles of negatives

Each of those negative statements and comments is like a brick, and with them we build a wall, brick by brick. The wall builds and builds with each comment. Till finally we can’t even see the horse. One day, when we do get to ride, we have attracted a crummy experience to ourselves we’re so nervous we do fall off. And it’s a sad, old, worn-out saggy-backed tough-mouthed mare that’s been bored to death with kiddy rides. Hardly flying through the sky.

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how to deal with tail-enders

The way to deal with tail-enders is to carefully listen for them as we say our affirmation, and tap on them as they come up. For instance, I might say as my affirmation, “I happily and easily make _$________ .” But my mind objects, and says, “Yeah, sure. I don’t believe it!” So now I know what one of my tail-enders is: “I don’t believe it.” I can tap on that! And I can create a choice as well: My setup/choice statements will look like this: Even though I don’t believe I can have ____$X____ - much less happily and easily! I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to know I can, and I do it I tap the not believing till it’s down to zero, then tap the choice as well.

again

Then I say my affirmation again. This time, my mind says, “Where do you think that will come from?” Then I ask myself, what is the opposite, or my preferred choice? Well, it would be “I choose to be happily surprised where it comes from”. I make that my “I choose” statement. Even though I can’t imagine where __$X__ would come from I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to be happily surprised where it comes from The rating of the “I can’t imagine” is down to a 0, but I notice when I repeat the affirmation again that I have a sick feeling in my belly. My choice is to feel great about making ___$X___ per month. Even though I have this sick feeling in my belly I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to feel great about making ___$X___ a month. The sick feeling is gone But now my throat feels very tight, and dry. I choose to have freedom from restriction. Even though my throat feels tight and dry I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to be free of restriction

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more

My thermometer is down to a zero on that one. I say the affirmation again: “I happily and easily make ___$X___ .” This time my mind wonders again: if I haven’t been able to make that before, how could I think I could now? I think about how my subconscious knows better than I do, and lets me know things even though I haven’t studied them outright. I choose to know how, anyway. Even though I haven’t known how to make ___$X___ and I think I still can’t I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to know that my subconscious knows how, and that I can make ___$X___ now

done!

Big yawn. I say the statement again, “I happily and easily make ___$X___ a month. It feels great. Nothing else comes up. OK, let’s see what happens!

Hester’s breakthrough

Hester, a recent graduate of the beginner’s EFT course, told me that she had a breakthrough that blew her away. She works at a job that requires her to take flights to various locations here and there within New Zealand. She usually makes sure her big plastic shopping bag is ready on her lap, as she gets sick in a flash and the usual little bag provided by the airline just isn’t enough. This time, she said, she decided to see if EFT would help. She tapped on: even though I’m about to get sick I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to be pain-free and enjoy my flight She said she tapped a couple of rounds, and the stomach ache and urge to vomit left. After a little while, the feeling returned a bit, although not as intensely, so she tapped again. She was able to have a comfortable trip the rest of the flight, and didn’t need to tap on the way back. And she has taken other trips on which she didn’t have to tap at all!

an almost accident

As I was leaving this morning to go to go to the dentist in Invercargill, about 40 minutes

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away from here, I noticed myself immersed in a quiet, rolling understream of thought. It went something like this: If I die in an accident today, it’d be OK. Nothing I have left undone is maximal or hard to handle for anyone. Who would I think about? Freda came to mind, and of course my sons Aaron and Isaac. Big time. And so on.

what am i thinking?

Suddenly, I realized what I was thinking, and had to acknowledge that I was thinking about it so strongly that I was either in line for an accident or I was going to create one. So I declared out loud: even though I’m afraid I’ll die in an accident I deeply and completely accept myself, and I choose to live. I tapped both sides, negative and positive - twice on each side to make sure, and forgot about it.

yikes!

A few kilometres down the road, I realized that in the case I was in an accident anyway, I might live, but be in a state of vege-dom for the next x-odd years. So I tapped on: even though I’m afraid I might get hurt or die in an accident I deeply and completely accept myself I choose to live, AND be FULLY functional. I promptly forgot all about it, and continued driving to my destination.

coming home

On my way home, there was a big temporary yellow road sign saying “accident ahead.” I stopped to ask if I could help. No, thanks. Anyone hurt? Yeah, one dead - there was a headon up the road. It was right where I had felt the idea of accident and tapped on it.

conscious energy?

I continued home, feeling very stunned. It made me think of don Juan, Carlos Casteneda’s teacher, who said there are winds and eddies and currents of energy, some with their own “consciousness.” Made me wonder about the saying “he’s” (or “there is,” maybe) “an accident waiting to happen” -

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You can see that there is enormous power in not only being aware of our feelings, but in making conscious choices as well. a friend is confused

Georgia came by this morning. She was feeling extremely depressed. We talked about EFT. She has had a long-standing problem with depression, going to therapist after therapist, going on and off anti-depressants. Her main anxiety has been that she felt she had no choice in life, that something always stopped her from moving forward and being successful. She has a job as a counter assistant, but wants to have her own business. She hasn’t done it for fear that she wouldn’t be able to handle the stress and responsibilities involved in owning a business.

lists

I had her list every feeling she could find in her mind at that moment about how she felt. She is a very restrained woman, and isn’t accustomed to express her feelings. It was quite difficult for her to list them out. She was very doubtful about how her emotions could cause so much trouble. She thought if she just pushed them back and put on a brave face, things would be fine. She couldn’t understand why she felt depressed! Ordinarily I wouldn’t do this, but I asked her to choose her most intense feeling so we could start working on it. She couldn’t name a feeling. So I told her about the concept of being present with our feelings, and that in EFT we can start right where we are. So we tapped on: even though I don’t know how I feel right now and all I feel is confusion.

forests

I told her to imagine that our emotional filed is a great, immense garden. Within that garden, in pockets hidden where we can’t see them, around corners, and in places that are sometimes right in front of our eyes, grow weeds and strange growths of tangled energy plants. When we use EFT, it’s as if we are weeding and pruning those weeds and strange growths, one by one. Many of them fall right along with the others that are tapped on, or go away all by themselves.

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Eventually, the garden will be clear of weeds and will blossom forth with glorious plants the likes of which have never been before seen!

an exercise to find choice

Georgia looked and looked within, and finally came up with a little list of five or six main feelings. It was a revelation to her to get that far. Her ultimate fear was that it wasn’t OK to be herself, and that, before she did anything else, she had to do what she was told. For every belief in her list, I had her write a phrase saying what she would prefer. Like this: negative belief preferred choice For instance: It’s not OK to be me It’s totally OK to be 100% me I have no choice I know that I always have a choice No matter what happens, something is stopping me I choose to move forward I feel helpless I am powerful! I feel so sad I choose to choose happiness We discussed how she felt after having written the list. She felt relieved just to get them out, although it had been very hard to get her awareness around them or to verbalize them. We did a lot of tapping on that, alone.

being present

I told her that the list was helpful to begin being present with our feelings, and she could use the process when she felt confused and disconnected.

psychological reversal

I told her about the idea of psychological reversal, and showed her, using muscle checking,

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how, when our polarity is reversed, we are de-energized. We checked her for reversal, and sure enough, she was reversed on almost everything. We then spent about an hour going down her list, saying the setup statements and tapping on the feelings that had the most intensity. She ended up feeling released and terrific. She was thrilled to go away with a new understanding of emotions, and a new tool to deal with them.

therapy

We talked about therapy, as she was considering going back. I told her I’d never tell her what to do, that that was up to her. I also said that what I have found for myself is that therapy helps me take myself apart and see what’s going on with me. But my problem has been that therapy rarely has helped me put myself back together again in a way that I feel more whole. I didn’t feel I could function independently without calling my therapist for help - again and again and again. The therapy and most of the other healing modalities and practices I’ve had before I ran into EFT have made me feel dependent on someone else - when I get stuck, call the therapist! They make the money, I still feel powerless. My experience is just my experience. I may personally not have had the best experiences with therapists, but I do know that therapists have our best at heart, and do their best to help people - and, fortunately, more and more of them are finding and using EFT! important note: I encourage anyone who goes to a therapist to please keep going if you feel like you are deriving benefit from it! This is a unique, personal choice - please use your discretion here! EFT has changed that feeling of powerlessness for me. I sit down, feel how I feel, think about how I would rather feel, what I want, and do the Even though, I accept and I choose phrases and the tapping. That’s that. There are times when it’s terrific to get outside help: I do when I feel as if things are too much for me, or that I have blind spots that I can’t get at and need the perspective of another person. So I call a friend who also does EFT or an EFT practitioner I trust and ask for a session with her.

inner strength

We are strong beings. Very resilient. We could not have gotten through all the stuff we’ve lived through if we were not. We certainly would have caved in by now if not. Just the fact that we’re still searching implies innate strength.

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I believe that we must access that strength that we haven’t dared to use yet. Before, it’s most likely that if we did, we believed on some level that we would have lost someone’s love or attention, or our place in the world, or we would somehow be unsafe.

time to update!

These beliefs have all been there for probably a long time, but now we have outgrown them. Be very present and let feelings come up. Look at them, listen to what they say, feel them, and if there are a lot, write them down. Tap on each one. Go through the feelings, doing the setup and tapping, and then at the end, when there’s a cognitive shift about the situation, put an I choose phrase to cap off the whole thing.

a shift in knowingness

A cognitive shift is when, after having addressed the feeling or situation, the intensity has suddenly gone, and we can suddenly look through new eyes at the old situation - and sometimes even laugh abut it. For example, let’s say June starts out with feeling very hurt and angry that her mother didn’t love her. Because of this perception, June hates her. When June clears the disrupted energy in her system, she can see that perhaps her mother was doing the best she could with what she knew, with the resources she had (or not) and within context she lived. That maybe June’s mother didn’t even know what was going on with June because she was struggling with her own daily life. June can forgive her now, and even laugh about how silly it was for her to hate her mother. It’s an extreme, 180º shift in thinking. Now that June has seen what seems to be the real truth about her mother, she can set up a new way to be, do or have by making an I choose phrase after her tapping phrases.

self-consciousness

I have a friend who is writing a book. Olivia is a good, clear communicator and excellent workshop leader. She wanted to do a session on how uncomfortable she was about writing her first book on communication and an energy related therapy. She says, “It’s so strange knowing people will read this. I’m OK with people hearing the information from my mouth at my workshops, but I feel a bit self-conscious about this book. “ A bit? I ask her. “OK,” she admits. “I’ll get real, let’s call it really self-conscious. Scared to death, really.” even though knowing people “out there” in the world will read my book makes me feel

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really scared uncomfortable vulnerable at risk and what if people think I’m just stupid? what if I offend the people I love? what if I make a fool of myself? what if my kids don’t like it? I might be abandoned, shunned I deeply and completely accept myself We discussed it some more, and all of a sudden Olivia clapped her hand on her forehead and said, “Ah! I know! Here it is:” What if people make fun of what I say? I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose safety and acceptance even when I speak my deepest thoughts and feelings We did three rounds on that one, and she looked like a new person. Olivia ’s almost done with her book, and told me she feels like she’s flying.

I choose! The I choose phrase is a vital part of this process. If we let go of all this tangled energy and don’t choose what we want, who will choose for us? Most people, as kids, were discouraged from becoming creators. This is our chance. Let’s grab it!

a non-choice episode

Freda and I weeded and planted all day one day not too long ago. The small patch of garden out by the driveway gets weed-covered in such a short time it’s almost miraculous. We got it all done, then planted some starter plants. Good. Looks good, feels good. The tomatoes and zucchini we planted earlier in the year are doing well. Love those zucchini!

mid-day

Our friend, Elle, came by as we were weeding, and said she wanted to kidnap me for an hour - she wanted me to meet a couple visiting from California. The woman was the head of a spiritual organization, and her husband was an investor of some kind. Very nice folks. I was a bit annoyed that Elle had insisted that I not take the time to change my clothes, since I like to to honor the people I meet with the gift of at least being clean! I was in my

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old painting duds with dirt streaked all over my face, hands and body. I tapped as she drove me up to her beautiful farm Even though life springs situations in my face I have no control over and I feel uncomfortable and self-conscious I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to be OK just as I am, anywhere Even though I feel angry at Elle for not letting me change my clothes and I let her boss me around! I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to be OK with it, recognizing that I could have insisted on doing so and that I chose not to and I choose to be OK just as I am, anywhere That felt better!

is this my irritation?

A week later, Freda and I were preparing for the housewarming party for her new house. Sue and I were doing some last minute painting, and she was helping our friend, Veronica in the kitchen. I was feeling very irritated for some reason - I didn’t stop to think about it as I was so busy. It seemed as if I was noticing from a distance that my voice kept having a hard edge to it, and that I felt snippy. When everything was all done and it was time to shower and get ready for the party, I took a few minutes out to do some tapping. It occurred to me that since it was Freda’s first-ever party in this house, she might be feeling a bit frightened and snappy. So I tapped on: Even though I pick up other peoples’ fears and worries and hold them as my own even though I was snappy at Freda as a result even though I really had nothing to be irritated about but was anyway and it’s sometimes hard to forgive myself even though now I’m so tired all I want to do is sleep not party I believe in myself and I choose to be happy, calm and energetic Then it was time to go out and greet the first people, and take care of the last minute details - like making a fresh green salad and the strawberry/kiwi sauce for the ice cream later! Felt much better then.

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this is for the sweets lovers Pavlova, sweets, ice cream....

There is a traditional dessert in New Zealand called Pavlova. There’s some dispute between the Aussies and the Kiwis as to who really invented it, but we’ll let that one lie.... It’s a hardish meringue crust shaped like a 2-layered cake, filled with a light fluffy sweet meringue, and you top it with whipped cream and (usually) a fruit sauce. We put whipped home-made whipped cream and my special strawberry/kiwi sauce on it, and served it with vanilla ice cream. Luscious! I hadn’t had ice cream for almost a year - loved it! Trouble was, later on my whole body, especially where the glands under my jaw are, hurt - I had to do some heavy duty tapping on it to get the pain down. Just can’t seem to handle creamy stuff. Had to spend some time tapping on all the goodies I ate that day: Even though I can’t handle creamy stuff and it makes me swell up like a balloon all clogged up and I feel guilty that I hurt my body I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to be pain free and to make healthy choices Sorry, body! I saw that I believes that it’s difficult for me to be at a party and make healthy choices: Even though I can’t resist the goodies at a party I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to choose healthy choices even in the face of sweets and yummy desserts

more

Whew! Writing that made me sweat. Wonder what’s under that? Felt like about a 7. Had to take off my sweater. Even though I’m sweating just thinking about giving up sweets I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to be healthy no matter what Even though I don’t want to resist sweets and goodies I deeply and completely accept myself and

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I choose to choose otherwise anyway Even though I feel deprived by choosing only healthy food I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to let go of my desire for sweets Better. Back to a zero. No more sweating.

yes!

I wondered if I simply said, “Well, yes, you can have that, but do you really want it right now? Yes, you can have that, any time, actually, but do you want to face the consequences? Yes, you can have that, but what are you feeling that you want to not-feel?”

That’s it!

What is it that I don’t want to feel? What is it that wants me to fill the gap between how I don’t want to feel and what is really happening inside of me with desserts and sweets? Why would I want to make myself sick with a substance that my system doesn’t like, in order not to feel something? Must be something scary, or bigger than I want to face. Even though I don’t want to feel whatever this is and I reach for sweets instead and I use sweets to make myself not-feel, and to be numb and to jump over the feelings I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to let it go and make healthy choices instead Even though I don’t know what these feelings are that I don’t want to feel and it seems impossible to catch myself before I reach for the sweets and sometimes I don’t even want to I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to remember to choose EFT rather than reaching for sweets Even though I’m eating on automatic and don’t really want these things I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to know I can have them anytime and say no if I want

sneak!

Bruce said he used to sneak sweets when he was a kid. His mother always kept a stash of

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chocolate chips, and he’d go in and take handsful. No-one else was around, and most times he felt all alone and lonely. His mother spent a good amount of time away working, and Bruce came home from school to an empty house. It was then that he started gorging extra food. Not always sweets - sometimes he’d make enormous piles of food in exotic combinations and concoctions, and eat the whole lot. Talk about stuffing yourself! It’d make him feel so groggy that he’d go out in the woods to his secret spot and take a nap, instead of doing homework. Hell, he figured, he’d been at school all day - who wants to do more schoolwork at home? We tapped on: Even though I use food to keep from feeling lonely I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to be OK with myself at all times

shame

This was a new choice for Bruce, who had always felt such shame about how heavy he was. We tapped on that, too: even though I feel such shame for my body and myself I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to forgive myself and my mother He was very angry at her for having deserted him. He had felt abandoned, unsafe, and he missed her, as well. even though she left me all alone and I felt unloved and I felt nervous and unsafe and I really missed my Mom’s company I deeply and completely accept myself, and I choose to understand and forgive myself and my mother After tapping on his anger, he realized that, since she was a single mom, it was a hard choice for her - to either not make the money they needed to live on and be with Bruce, or work and leave him to fend for himself. He had more ability to see clearly now that the energy was cleared, and was able to forgive her - and himself for having misunderstood.

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We always have choice, even if it means we choose not to choose.

Keep saying:

i choose!

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Aspects Chapter thirteen

ISSUES WITHIN ISSUES You’ve seen by now that sometimes when we tap on one issue, it seems like just as we get to the bottom of it, another comes popping up. Listen for other issues that come up as a result of your tapping. These are called “aspects.” When we’re tapping on something, another aspect sometimes pops its head up and make itself available for clearing. Very handy mechanism. If we’re clear enough to see them, and tap on them one by one, we can clear the issues right up. By clearing aspects as they come up, and the peripheral aspects that subsequently emerge, suddenly a whole seemingly giant issue will evaporate right before our eyes. It takes persistence to follow each one to its end and get every one of them. This is what happened when I tapped on my past craving for chocolate.

early memories

I remembered that my mother had told me that the hospital where she had me had terrible water. She knew that, so she had brought some of her old-family-recipe wicked home-made fudge to eat while there - those were the days when a mother would stay at the hospital for a week or two before going home, and she was prepared! She told me that when she got thirsty, she’d drink some water, and have a bite (or several, knowing her!) of fudge to take the taste of the water away. That made her thirsty again, so she’d have more fudge. You can see how that must have gone -

rating the percentage of truth

So I thought, OK, why don’t I tap on my using chocolate to avoid experiencing feelings? I thought of a specific situation where I had done that. It seemed hard to rate, so I tried rating the percentage of truth. How true was it that I did that? That worked fine.

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On a scale of zero to ten, with the truth being at ten, I rated it at about a 9. I tapped a few rounds until I got it down to a zero. even though I use chocolate to numb out I deeply and completely accept myself

other aspects

This made me think of other times and places where I was attracted to and had to have chocolate. There were a bunch of times. At the movie theatre, I just couldn’t resist it at ALL. That was a nose-bleed 10. When I went into the service station to pay for my petrol, I had about a 5 craving. All I had to do was see or smell chocolate - even if I didn’t like the kind of candy it was presented in! even though I crave chocolate at the theatre and at the service station and when I smell or see it I deeply and completely accept myself

at parties

In social situations - like a small gathering, a party, or even a big party, or a weekend with friends - it was a 10, for sure. Insatiable craving. And a belief there wasn’t enough for me, so I had to go eat it before “they” got it first. even though there is never enough for me and I have to get it first so “they” can’t get it and leave me without (this was probably about my brothers and father) and even though I see it at a party and have to have it even if I don’t want it I deeply and completely accept myself even though I hated that my brothers had so much power and I didn’t, I deeply and completely love and accept myself and I know they probably didn’t!

other times

Three o’clock in the afternoon; after dinner at night; in my room at night as I read or worked on the computer. All 10. even though I want chocolate in the afternoon, at night and after dinner, in my room and in the kitchen, I deeply and completely accept myself

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other types of chocolate & goodies

Then there was the other types of ways chocolate was presented! Chocolate chip cookies, chocolate pudding, chocolate cake or brownies and chocolate ice cream - I made a list of all the ways I liked to eat chocolate. even though I love all kinds of chocolate and I can’t give it up and I don’t want to give it up and I have to have it and I won’t be comfortable if I do I’d really rather die than give it up I’d give up my rebellion I deeply and completely accept myself. I tapped on them all.

trance state

Recently, as I was making something for a party, I was thinking about how I hadn’t made fudge in a long time. Fudge was the old standby - everyone loved it. It’s what I always used to bring to a pot-luck. I recalled how easy it was to put myself into kind of a trance as I stirred the chocolate. I liked that about it. I liked the texture of it, too - something about how it felt in my mouth. And how I could chew and go into a hazy kind of meditation state, using sitting there munching to zone out and let my thoughts run. I tapped on all of that. even though I love the taste and texture of fudge and chocolate and how making fudge puts me in a nice trance and I love how chewing chocolate makes me relaxed and able to just let my thoughts go even though I love how it feels in my mouth I deeply and completely accept myself

wanting

After all that tapping, now chocolate seems too dry and almost like it’s made out of petro-chemicals. But I notice that there are times I wish I could have something I don’t have and that I don’t know what it is. Chocolate and cookies come to mind, but I really, in truth, I think that’s more habit of thought, and I really don’t want them. So what the heck is it I want? Do I want anything? That’s called craving.

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water?

I thought maybe, since my mother had used chocolate to replace bad water taste, I was substituting chocolate for drinking water. I do love water - and I had thought I drank enough. I couldn’t get any rating at all on it, but I still tapped: even though I try to replace water with chocolate I deeply and completely accept myself It didn’t feel particularly charged, so I tapped a couple rounds and left off.

more!

But I still had these little niggles now and then. I’d see the chocolate I used to love in the store, and think I wanted them - but as soon as I really thought about it, I realized I didn’t want it at all. So what was it?

ma

I thought back to the stories I had heard Ma tell me about her stay in the hospital, with her delicious fudge and the bad hospital water. It suddenly struck me that if I gave up chocolate, I’d be giving my mother up! Yeow. So I rated it - it was a 9 on the 0 - 10 truth scale - and tapped on it: even though I’d be giving up my mother if I give up chocolate and I’d miss her I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to give chocolate up anyway Down to zero! Good.

try it out

Next I went to the store and bought a small bar of good dark chocolate. I opened it and smelled it - mmm! Smelled great! But I didn’t want to eat it. There was some charge there still, but I didn’t know what it was. So I tapped on: even though I still want chocolate and I don’t know why I must need it somehow and I still must love it I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to let it go.

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sneak!

The next day, after Freda and I had lunch, I went back into my office to work. I’d left the bar of chocolate in my desk drawer. Now, this is a miracle, you have to understand - not 6 months ago there would have been zero chance that I could leave an uneaten candy bar in my drawer, much less overnight. The formula was: if there is chocolate in the house, I have to have it. Now. So the efficacy of EFT is not to be knocked. But I was determined to get to every little rootlet I could find in order to be free of this control over me. I opened the drawer and took the chocolate bar out, and was about to open the wrapper, when Freda knocked on my door. I saw myself as from a distance hurrying to put it away before she came in! What was that all about??? An image came to mind of being in the kitchen when I was about 6 or 7. My mother had made a chocolate cake (with her beautiful, thick not-to-be-beat home-made chocolate frosting) for dessert. She had hidden it so we wouldn’t all (I have three brothers) gorge it down before the appointed time at the end of that night’s dinner. Naturally, I, knowing every nook and cranny of the house by then, found it. I proceeded to very carefully scrape up some of the frosting that had dribbled down on the plate. I remember with absolute clarity the feeling of excitement about sneaking this treat, and the visceral dread of the awful punishment that would come with being found out.

nicked!

Unfortunately, I had left little finger-scoop marks on the plate where my fingertips had cleaned the frosting off. Since I was the only one in the house who had tiny-sized fingers, I did get punished. Darn! But that feeling of excitement/dread - that’s what was important. I tapped on that even though it’s fun to sneak a treat and I’m afraid I’ll get caught and I’m afraid I’ll get punished I deeply and completely accept myself

guilt/shame/punishment

I was down to abut a 2 when it hit me that I’ve punished myself! By allowing my body to get as heavy and uncomfortable as I have, isn’t that punishment?

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even though I now punish myself as my parents used to and make myself feel guilt and shame I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to quit it! That one made me cry. I remembered how my father used to look at me with a certain look, and it said, “you are disgusting, pigging all that stuff. Disgusting!” No wonder I’ve thought of myself as having a disgusting overweight body. even though I think I am utterly disgusting and my body is disgusting and I feel disgusting I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to love myself EXACTLY as I am How we punish ourselves! And how we punish others with our critical, judgmental thoughts and statements!

punishment

That whole thing made me think of the time when my dad came upstairs to find me, age 8 or 9, being scolded by my mother for sneaking some of her “secret”chocolate stash. He was furious. He took over the scolding. He led me into the bathroom, bared my little bottom, wet his old fraternity paddle (if you’ve never seen one, it’s shaped just like a shorthandled boat paddle, about 2 feet long, and has fraternity designations carved on it). He loudly smacked me three or four times. I was ashamed, enraged and humiliated. I wasn’t a bad girl, I just wanted the candy. I felt enraged that anyone would hit me. Most of all, I was humiliated to the core that he had the gall to take my pants down - and then paddle me, as well. Just a little invasive! Tapping material? You bet! A high rating of 10 for all of it. even though I was ashamed and embarrassed even though I was furious - livid! and soooooo humiliated I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to forgive myself for my own contribution to this, and anyone else involved for their contribution to the situation

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In truth, he was doing what he thought was right, with the background and experience he had. His father had paddled him, and so on back to who knows when.

who’s being punished?

Punishment certainly didn’t do any good to keep me from wanting or sneaking the chocolate. I think I may have eventually done it to pester them, to get back at, or punish them for punishing me. even though I used sneaking chocolate to get back at my parents even though I hated that they had such control over me and that they had such power and I felt like had none and I punished them back for punishing me I deeply and completely accept myself Isn’t it absurd to think that something like sneaking and eating chocolate punishes someone else? We only punish ourselves and our bodies! Logic doesn’t apply when emotions reign.

she’s hopeless

I can hear my dad saying, “Oh Mommy, what are we going to do with her? She’s hopeless.” even though no-one can “do anything with me” I‘m hopeless it’s hopeless I still hear Pa say,“she’s hopeless” I deeply and completely accept myself I choose to love myself for who I really am and know I’m full of glorious hope and ability

taking it away

Now I felt almost done. But if I thought about never ever having chocolate again, a feeling of quite desperate deprivation came. even though I feel desperate and deprived if I even think about giving up chocolate I’d lose a good friend I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to release my strangle hold on it Interesting - when I started, I had thought chocolate had a hook into me. Now I could see I had a hold on it!

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not welcome

Now I had this funny little image - it was strange - it wasn’t really a vision, but I could see their faces as if through a haze. They were talking about me as if I couldn’t hear. My father looked displeased. My mother looked tired and uninterested. It was probably when I was very little. The feeling I had was not being wanted, appreciated, or welcome. Big 10 rating. even though I felt unwelcome even though I feel unwelcome even though I felt unappreciated or wanted even though I feel unappreciated or wanted I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to love, appreciate, want and welcome myself anyway I felt around carefully. I looked for other images, but none came up. Zero. Was I completely done? Felt like it. Time would tell. At this writing, a month later, I still have no craving for chocolate or any other chocolate-related foods. I can actually enjoy a little it at lunch or something, but I don’t crave it, and I don’t want to guzzle the entire plate of it anymore.

detective work

Intellectually, I know that in the majority of cases, all an addictive craving is is simply an indication of anxiety or discomfort. I knew that before I started any of this chocolate tapping. But in this case, chocolate and the craving for it had ruled so much of my life I wanted to clear as much of the whole issue as I could, so I aggressively went after and worked on all the aspects of the issue that I could find. Think of all the time and energy I have spent on thinking about, wanting, and trying to get chocolate! What a waste! What else could I have been doing with my time, money and energy??? I could have been saying and tapping on: even though I have this anxiety I deeply and completely accept myself One more thing: I also tapped on regretting all that time, money and energy lost to the anxiety/addiction! Well, at least I’ve been through something I can help someone else through now -

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persistence

It’s easy to see how important persistance is, and how important it is to be open to addressing any and every issue that comes up.

More persistence Sarah wants a husband Sarah is a beautiful, 55 year old woman who lives near the beach in the states in a lovely, comfortable apartment. She works as a consultant behind the scenes in the film industry, and it looks like she has everything. She wants, and can’t seem to attract, a husband. She’s been through many relationships, but none of them ever “took.” We worked by telephone, a highly effective way to do EFT.

list

We made a list of some thoughts she had about that problem: I’ll never have a man I’ll never find one who loves me I’ll never be able to be in relationship without blowing it they always say I’m too much I’m too emotional I’m too committed to my work and have no time for them I’m always, off to another country I’m too ugly I’m too old I’m too overweight I’m too broke I have too sharp a tongue I don’t believe there’s any man who would want to be with me I don’t believe there’s any man who can keep up with me I don’t believe there’s any man who can put up with me I don’t believe there’s any man I want to put up with! Maybe I don’t believe it’s even worth it to be with a man (Note: Men - just put the word “woman” where you see “man” - !!!) We tapped, using two or three of these items in each setup phrase. We also tapped on “accepting myself just as I am.”

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This was a very big deal for her. She had been living with nightmares and memories of a difficult childhood that snuck under and eroded her self-confidence. Sarah recognized that she really wanted to have a good sense of self in order to make her daily life easier. So we did quite a bit of tapping on that issue. I sent her a card with

I deeply and completely accept myself just as I am written on it to practice with during the week until her next session. We didn’t add any choices yet.

a shift!

When Sarah called the next week, she had a new list. She had been diligently tapping all week, and had come to the conclusion that she really didn’t need a man. She wanted to be solid in herself first. It was an amazing shift for someone who had spent almost 30 years crying over not having a husband!

attitude

Now Sarah was more concerned with her attitude and her work. She still wanted a man, but wasn’t so fixated on it. She sometimes flew off into a rage when anyone criticized her work, and she was afraid of the guilt she felt afterwards and of losing her very well-paid job because of her rages.

imbalances

She also admitted that she was tired, and wanted to work less. Sarah worked very hard for many, high-pressure hours at a time, with a constant stream of panicky, last-minute demands. She wanted to get into her own consulting business, where she could set her own pace, but was afraid she wouldn’t get paid as well, or even make it on her own. I discussed with her about how fear, anxiety, rage, etc., were just symptoms, alert-flags, pointing out energetic imbalances in the system. Sarah had a little understanding of how quickly issues could be resolved just by having tapped all week, so she was very excited about the next set of tapping. I had her write out another list to use as setup words. We tapped on: even though I’m afraid of criticism I hate it when I feel criticized I hate being disrespected

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I’m afraid of “losing it” and feeling guilty afterwards I’m afraid of the kick-back from my rages I’m afraid of my emotions

conditioning

We discussed the conditioning that we all experience, with deeply embedded, negative messages constantly running our lives. How we are the hardest ones on ourselves, and how we beat up on ourselves now that we haven’t got our parents (siblings, teachers, etc.) around to do it for us anymore - we embody their criticism and take it on. She realized her selfcriticism was worse than anything she had ever actually heard from anyone. We went through the list quickly. It was exciting to hear her voice get more animated. This time, we also created an I choose list: I choose to let go of self-criticism to let anyone else’s criticism slide off my back to respect and honor myself for the incredible work I’ve done already to have faith in myself and my work I choose to be happy with myself as I am I choose to love and honor my emotions

work

We went next to the work situation. She was on call almost 24 hours a day - way too much for one person! But she was afraid that if she didn’t do it, someone else would come in and take over, and she’d lose her position.

wanting what WE think we don’t want

I asked her if not having the position was really what she wanted - it seemed that she was trying to cling to one thing even as she wanted to let it go to be able to start the other. Sarah gasped, and, sounding incredulous - she said, “I hadn’t even thought of that! Here I am trying to save my job, when if someone else took over it’d be a blessing! I guess what worries me the most is being able to make it outside the film industry.” even though I don’t want to work so hard, I don’t want to be on call anymore I’m tired I’m afraid of giving up my position I’m afraid to go out on my own I’ll never make it I won’t get paid enough

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go for it!

I asked Sarah why she thought she’d have to move outside of the industry. Why not go independent, and if she didn’t work with the same people, then network and get referrals, and work at her own pace? She paused for a long time, considering this option. She’d never thought about it! She said, “I can do that!” We tapped on: I choose to work at my own healthy pace I work the hours of my choice I get plenty of rest I’m easily creating my own niche of course I can make it! of course I get paid well! people respect my expertise and abilities and pay me well

next week

The next week, we worked on her desire to continue travelling, her doubt about being able to do that; and her fears of growing old and ugly. We discussed how easy it might be to simply work where her clients were - all over the world, instead of maintaining a local clinic or office. I suggested she think of herself as an International Consultant. She took a huge sigh as she thought of that, as if her whole being had been constricted into one little I-have-to-stay-home statement. even though I think I have to stay here for my clients I can’t travel and work my own business and I’m afraid of growing old and ugly I hate my body the way it looks I hate how flabby I feel I also had Sarah go to the scales and see what her weight was, and compare it to the “normal” weight she had experienced as a school girl. She said it was less!

perception is everything!

So I then asked her if, just by chance, her job working so many long hours had prevented her from exercising or eating well, the way she would normally ike to do. That being out of shape was perhaps why she felt run-down and old looking. She groaned, thinking about it, but then exclaimed, “Yes! If I set up my business in a way that is good for me, I can go for a walk every single day if I want, any time I want! I really

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can be healthy! Yes!” So then we tapped on: I choose to live where I want when I want to accept my body as it is, and care for it and love it as it is and she added: to simply love myself and my life “That’s all it was,” she said. “That’s all it was. I just never took the time to notice that all I had to do was love my life!”

persistence furthers!

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Chasing the Pain Chapter fourteen

Following the pain as it moves Pain sometimes moves around in the body during a tapping session. Following it and tapping on each one as it comes up can be a powerful way to eliminate both a physical and/or an emotional problem. If we’re tapping away on an issue and it get too uncomfortable to think about, we can shift our focus to the sensations in the body, rather than the emotional issue. Since the emotions and the physical are so deeply intertwined, we can tap the emotional issue down by addressing the physical pain.

If you follow the pain all the way around your system until all of it is gone, you’ll usually find that the charge on the issue you started on will be gone, as well. Many times we will be tapping along on one pain or sensation, and a whole other pain/sensation comes up, just as the aspects of an issue will pop up one after the other. So - we tap on it. And when another pain or sensation pops up in yet a new place, we tap on that as well! Like this: even though I have this pain in my back I deeply and completely accept myself That seems to be gone, but now there’s another one. So the setup may sound like this: even though now I have this ache in my neck even though I now have this twinge in my foot I deeply and completely accept myself Doing this is called “chasing the pain.”

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just a little while ago

In the kitchen, I went for the box of rice crackers - those little round thin crunchy crispy salty Japanese-ish things that appeared on the market about a year ago, coming in lots of flavors. These were simple plain rice crackers with salt. I ate one. As it crunched in my mouth, it was like eating sawdust. Salty sawdust. It didn’t feel like lively, healthy food. My mind shouted, “if I eat dead food, how can I support my live body?”

lifeless food

I tapped on eating lifeless food. Since I know that it’s common to eat to get numb, I tapped on: even though I eat to numb myself and I have some anxiety I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to eat food that helps me feel alive and easily relax As I stood there tapping, my belly rumbled and felt very unhappy. So I tapped on: even though this gave me a belly ache and I didn’t really like it I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to eat fresh food and be pain free Now I felt OK, and went for a fresh apple!

right now I want to write about something, but I’m experiencing something I need to get through first. I was fine till I sat down to write. But right now the tips of my fingers feel like they’re sticking to the keyboard as I type. It’s producing a feeling of deep revulsion. It’s as if the skin has been extra-sensitized, the whorls of the “prints” swelling up and out, sticking themselves to the keys. It feels like it would on a freezing day and you get wet fingers stuck to the metal of a pipe. So I’m tapping: even though I feel deep revulsion and my skin is extra-sensitive

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and my fingertips are swelling and sticking to the keys I deeply and completely accept myself

changing

As I write and tap on myself, the sensation is leaving a bit, and is changing to a dull ache in the tips of only some of the fingers. Now they feel cold, sensitive, a little moist, but not sticky. I would say the botheration level would be about an 8. even though I have a dull ache in the tips of some fingers and they feel cold, sensitive, and a little moist I deeply and completely accept myself I want to see what happens if I keep writing, tapping and chasing the sensation as I write. My stomach is churning. I’m breathing deeply. Now I want to rub my fingers against cloth. I do so, rubbing them on my pant-leg. The right index finger is the most sensitive, and feels like - oh - like it does if it has blood on it. Interesting. even though my stomach is lurching, and my finger feels like it has sticky blood on it I deeply and completely accept myself

belly

As I keep writing, my stomach is lurching. I feel a heat wave lightly run from my left shoulder to the top of my head. My breathing is shortening. The heat is increasing. My breath is very tight. It’s hard to write and not stop. My stomach is clenching. I hear the words, “You can’t do this” in my mind. even though I’m hot in my shoulder to the top of my head my breath is short and tight the breath is tightening and it’s hard to write and my stomach is clenching again and I know I can’t do this I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose have choice and know I CAN

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I feel a big sigh. The heat is evening out. It’s running down my left side. Gone. I’m feeling great. I take a drink of water and a slice of the apple I just brought back from the kitchen. Its coolness and crunchiness feel good, alive.

better now

OK. Now my fingers and stomach feel better. The right index one is still a bit off - it feels cold and a bit numb, but at least it isn’t sticking to the keys (I wonder if fingers can feel guilty?). I’m remembering that for a quite a while now, about a month or so, my finger tips have been very sensitive. I hadn’t stopped to really notice or do anything about it. I still have a kind of queasy feeling. I’m suddenly flashing on the material in the sessions a client and I have been working on. Tapping on feeling queasy: even though I feel queasy right now even though I’m a bit cold and my stomach is tight again, even though I feel fear in my throat and the cold covers my shoulders like an icy cloak I deeply and completely accept myself All of a sudden, there’s a big Sigh. OK. Feels like it’s all gone. Cool.

Using this to clear trauma Chasing the pain or the sensations in the body like this can be used very effectively to work on almost anything that’s hard to face. Ben, a 32 year old health practitioner, wanted to work on the abuse he experienced as a child. Despite the fact that he remembered specific incidents very clearly, he hated the idea of feeling them all over again. So we used this method instead of looking into and re-feeling each incident, since it felt a whole lot safer for him to do so. Once his father locked Ben up in the garage, not letting him our for hours. It was dark, cramped and cold. There were no blankets, food or toilet facilities. By the time his father let him out, he was faint from hunger, half frozen, and had soiled his pants.

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into the box

He put this whole scene onto movie film, in a film can, that went into a box. He identified and tapped on the pain in his body that emerged as he “held” the box on his lap, calling up certain frames from the movie film. We started out with: even though I feel cold in my heart I Know I’m OK. He wasn’t at all comfortable with accepting himself. Knowing he was OK suited him fine. He tapped on the cold (9). It went away, but a heat came up in his belly (8). even though I feel like I’m on fire.... The fire went down to a 2, and then his back tensed up and he suddenly looked like a badly hunched over old man (10). We did some no-words tapping as his eyes filled with tears. I had him tap his collarbone point as I held his hand and tapped on the karate chop point. I asked him to just focus on the pain in the body, not the scene in the movie. That evened him out. We got the pain in his back down to a one, and then he said he felt as if his back had been scalded (8). Pain after pain came up and we tapped them all down. By the end of the hour and a half session, Ben was calm and serene. I asked him if he could look into the film box without pain. He gave an enormous sigh, grinned and said he’d already thrown it away, and that the events on the film were “old stuff I don’t need to even think about anymore.”

trauma workshop

I went to a workshop here in New Zealand that specifically addressed dealing with clients like Ben who had experienced trauma. We spent two days focusing on various traumatic and upsetting events that had happened to us. Instead of feeling the emotional pain, we were asked to focus on the pain in the body, rather than the scenes in the event. We simply sat there and followed the pain from one place in the body to another. As we did, we narrated the movement as it changed and shifted within the body.

It went like this:

We would say, for example, “Remembering _____X_____ (this incident), I feel a bit of a tightness in my throat. It feels sharp, and like my throat will close up, and it scares me.”

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Our partner with would say, “Just focus on the sensation. Leave the fear behind for now.” Then the narration would start up again: “It’s shifting to my chest, where I feel it lodge behind my breast bone like a sharp nail. “Now it’s moving down to my belly, and feels like someone is clenching my guts with a huge fist.” With each narration of the location and description of the physical sensation, we would wait to let the feeling move away to another place. It was very slow, very soft and, despite the nature of feeling the pain being the crux of the process, it was relatively painless compared to the original trauma.

with EFT

Now I look back on that weekend, I know that if I had known EFT, I could have moved through the events and memories much more easily and with even less pain that I did then. What is really ironic is that on the sheets we received to read when we got home, there was mention of, and a tiny bit of information about - guess what! - EFT! I never had time to look it up, and the papers eventually got lost in the shuffle. That was a year before I finally found EFT on the internet!

confusion/protection

Taylor, a 43 year old musician, seemed to have a constant sense of confusion. It’s been an amazing protection device for her. If there’s confusion, the present is never clear, so the real truth of how she feels is never really accessed. Any pain or discomfort is held at arm’s length, and can’t hurt as much.

acknowledge the confusion

We can’t get clear of the pain until we actually acknowledge it. But we need to get to it through the confusion, so that has to be tapped on first. Now, instead of re-experiencing any painful experiences or memories, we can address any thoughts about them. Taylor is one of those people who has a hard time visualizing, or identifying her feelings. When I work with her, we just tap on intense thoughts. What’s the diff? We’ve chased all kinds of wild thoughts all over her mind, just as we can chase pain and emotion.

chase the pain!

When the emotional pain is too much, follow and tap on the sensations in the body.

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Surrogate & Silent Tapping chapter fifteen

tapping for others Surrogate tapping is a way to help if someone is unable to participate in a session. They might be either too young to understand, or injured, or too far away to come to the session.

it’s all vibration

I learned how to do surrogate work years ago practicing Holographic Repat-terning (HR). Surrogate work is very effective. The concept of surrogate tapping is built on the same principle used by Holographic Repatterning: the universe consists of vibrating frequencies of energy. Look at the black and white bzzzz on your tv set that you get when you look “between” the channels. That’s what undifferentiated (non-directed) energy looks like - just a bunch of zingy little energies buzzing around. There is no purposefulness, no pattern, no direction. Just vibrating energy.

intention

Intention: “to aim or direct; a design, or purpose towards some creation or making.” When we add intention to energy, it becomes coherent, and forms patterns and actual manifested objects. Coherent literally means “stuck together.” Coherent energy “sticks together” because the electro-magnetic charge within each particle grabs onto the energy of another, and another, and another, forming unique patterns of this now-directed energy. The various similar patterns eventually form together into whole creations. You can see it in fractals, in the growth of a tree, or the swirling eddies in a river, or the growth of cells in the body.

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On your tv, when coherent energy comes together and runs through one channel, it emerges and appears as recognizable patterns on your screen.

we are one

If we look at the universe as swirls of energy, made out of vibrational frequency, it’s easy to see the inter-connectedness of it all. As such, if I do something here, you will be affected wherever you are, and vice versa. Simplistically, since everything is One, then if I work on me, then I work on you as well.

directed intention

Earth’s Field

When I intend health for you - even at a distance - the energetic frequency of that intention “travels” to you and you get it, no matter where you are.

fields

Vibrational energy assumes specific patterns in every being. Each of us, and everything in the cosmos, has a unique vibratory frequency. As humans, we have energy patterns that, although similar enough to recognize each other, are also each unique. This energy swirls into, inside, out of and outside of our bodies in what is called a field. Our fields are within the larger field of the earth, which is in turn within the larger field of the solar system, and so on. Within us, the various parts of our bodies have fields, themselves - each cell, each bone, each organ, has its own field.

beyond time

Thought operates outside of space and time. Any thought I have for you will automatically be in your field without my actually having to “send” it. As soon as I think of you, your vibrational pattern pulsates within my field. At that moment, not only are you in my vibrational field - I am also in yours. The more clearly I think of you, the more your energy swirls in my field. It’s really that simple. That’s why the Beatles’ song, The Walrus, which says: “I am you and you are me and we are all together” was so relevant. It expresses the idea perfectly.

The Human Field

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knowing by feeling

How many times has the phone rung and you just knew who was on the line - and you were right? How many times has your mind wandered to a thought of someone, only to have a call from them in the next fifteen minutes to half hour? How many times have you thought of someone, and a letter or email from them arrived the same day or hour?

in our feel’d

You were feeling them in your field (I sometimes think field should be spelled “feel’d” - because we have sensations in our immediate surrounding area, our field - and the way we access those sensations is by feeling them! So it would follow that I feel someone in my feel’d!). Their thoughts of you came right into your field. You felt them on some level, recognizing their energy and knowing exactly who it was when the phone rang. When we intend energy to someone, it’s there before we can finish our thought.

Intention is the strongest force in the universe. It’s instantaneous. a distance session

My favorite distance HR session was one I did for a young man who lived in South America. I was living in New York at the time. His mother asked me to do a session on him, as he had called her for help getting out of a very harmful social situation. She got his permission for me to work on him. I did a fairly simple session, addressing and clearing various negative beliefs and skewed values. His mother called me a week later, saying that he had quit the gang he was in, had thrown away his gang clothes and bought new clothes. He had gone for a job interview, and was even being civil to his grandmother and sister for the first time in years. All this from one one-hour session!

surrogate EFT

Surrogate tapping using EFT is extremely effective. My

Healing Intentions

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friends, students and I have done quite a few surrogate tapping sessions with EFT, with some marvelous results.

group surrogate work

Eileen, one of my Reclaim Your Energy class participants, is highly committed to her own well-being, tapping on herself every day. She has moved mountains of negative beliefs and habits from her life, and is now happier and more able to cope with life’s up and downs without the rage and powerlessness by which she used to feel run. She has a 7 year old daughter, Helen, who used to go into tantrums on a fairly regular basis. In the class, we did a surrogate mini-session on her one day. We declared as a group, “My name is Helen,” and tapped on: even though I never get my way and no-one pays attention to me and I can’t speak my truth without having a hissy fit or a wild tantrum I’m still a great kid, and my Mum really loves me. And, I choose to be able to express what I want calmly We did a few other rounds, then declared our own names again. The next class, Eileen reported that Helen had been calm all week. Now, a few weeks later, Helen so far has been tantrum-free.

when the subject is present This is tapping for a subject who is right there in the room, but can’t or won’t participate for some reason. Maybe they can’t move because of injury, handicap or incapacity. Perhaps they’ve been hurt in an accident and can’t move, or have arthritis so bad they can’t use their hands, or are a rape or abuse victim who experiences panic if anyone approaches the face or body. It might be a baby or child who is too young to, or cannot, comprehend what is going on. Or it’s someone who could be in a coma or other mental state or condition that would prevent being able to act independently. It could even be an animal or bird!

here are some ways to do it

Use another person as a sit-in, or proxy, for the subject; or the practitioner would do the work on himself with the intention that the actual subject receive the benefits of the work.

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The practitioner(s) can “put himself aside” and announce that he “is” the subject, reclaiming himself after the session. Or he can just tap on his own body with the intent that the energy goes to the subject identified. Or the tapping can be done silently/mentally for a subject who might be anywhere, in the room or far away.

added benefits An interesting aspect of this work is that whoever is doing the session gets the benefit of the cleared energy as well as the intended subject! This effect of everyone benefitting from the session is one reason using EFT is so energizing and satisfying. Neither the subject nor the practitioner has to experience intense past-trauma, and they don’t get burnt out by sad tales. The practitioner experiences as much clear energy as the client!

We can work on a subject who is at any distance who is unable to come to the session. proxy for group We can have someone act as a proxy for the energy of an entire group that has gathered, or a group of people who are not even there. Group sessions are incredibly effective, as the group energy multiplies exponentially. Group sessions can be held on diverse issues, or on particular issues.

proxy for distant session If we can’t go to a session, we can ask someone who is going to the session to “proxy us in.” That means when they get there, they declare that they are representing our energy for us, and that we “are” there, as well, to receive the energy of the work. The group facilitator also intends that the energy from the session goes to us.

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becoming the subject

The practitioner can “become” the other person for the duration of the session. That way s/he is intimately involved in the subject’s frequency, often to the point that s/he can feel what the subject is feeling. “Becoming” the other person isn’t as difficult or scary as it might seem. All we do is put our identity as ourselves aside for a time, announce that we are them, and do the work. At the end, we declare that we are ourselves again, and go on normally.

get clear and declare

First we get clear on, and declare, our intent to do work for the well-being of the subject, so the subject’s “Higher Self ” knows whether to screen anything that is coming towards it or not. It’s a bit like sending them a call or letter telling them our intentions. We can simply hold the thought of healing for them, or actually declare out loud.

request highest effects

Then we send out a prayer or request that only the highest and most beneficial effects of our work are received and assimilated by the subject.

pause

After we declare, either silently or out loud, what we intend to do for that person (or group, plant, place, creature or animal), we allow a few seconds to pass while that message is being received, before we start.

do the do

Then we do the work.

re-declare! Remember to re-declare our own identity! If you have not re-declared your identity you may end up feeling dizzy and out of sorts, out of balance. The feeling of disorientation will usually last until you remember to re-declare, or till you go to sleep and your “self ” comes back naturally.

example Doing a session or a few rounds of tapping on a friend. I get myself quiet. I think about and feel the issues that are up for my friend, Joe. I get my intentions clear - I’m here to work on getting something cleared for him.

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Then I declare out loud: “My name is Joe, and I’m doing this with love.” I then go about doing the session as if I were him, right here with me. I do all the setup statements and tapping on myself. At the end, when the session is complete, I take a deep breath. On the last out-breath, I declare, “My name is Angela,” and I come back to “being me.”

caution! Remember that any harmful energy that we intend or send out only multiplies and comes right back to us. Be careful - not only for yourself but for others! Remember that the Universe is One if we hurt “them,” we hurt us! ethics

Because of the immediacy and effectiveness of sending energy, most times I like to selfimpose certain steps when I do distance or surrogate work.

permission

Since I like to be a person of choice, I like it when people ask me whether or not it’s OK to do work on me. They already know I will say yes, but it’s nice to have their respectful request. Feels good to be able to choose. I like to get permission from the intended subject first in order to avoid being invasive. Even though I know their Highest Knowing will filter out whatever is not needed or wanted, it just feels good to me. Just as I would ask a mother or father before tapping with their child, or a client who is unable to do the tapping himself.

how do we know?

There are those who ask: who really knows what is best for himself or his child? Sometimes things that seem like the worst catastrophes end up being the most awesome gifts anyone could have had. Why is the gift of healing intention so terrible? How does it interfere with our free will? If we, ourselves intend healing for ourselves or our child, why not accept help? Maybe this is even the help we requested!!

love is our natural state

There are arguments that there is no need for anyone to ask permission to send a loving thought, prayer or healing intention. After all, we don’t ask anyone for permission to send negative or hurtful thoughts, do we? We just do it nilly-willy. So why are we asking for permission to send beneficial thoughts or intentions? Doesn’t make much sense, does it?

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After all, love is our natural state, and needs no permission to be. I like to ask first, but you do as it feels right for you.

no hands!

tapping by intention only There are times when tapping out loud or using any kind of hand movement is uncomfortable, inappropriate, or physically impossible. So what do you do when your little child is all rolled up on your lap, in agony with a tummy-ache, and you only have one point available to tap on him? What do you do when you’re upset about something, but you’re with a group of people who haven’t a clue about what EFT is and maybe wouldn’t be open to seeing you tap? What do you do when you see someone in the next aisle over from you on the plane who is white with terror? Or perhaps green with airsickness? What do you do when you’re driving along with your wife or husband who thinks EFT is a crock, and you’re petrified by the way the car is slipping on the ice? What do you do when someone is really getting on your nerves by crinkling their chips bag right behind you at the movies? (This was mine.... )

the answer is.... Tap anyway! Silently! Our intention is silent before it is ever manifest in this “real” world, anyway, isn’t it? Intention comes first, then the conscious thought, then the action. So if my child is all curled up crying on my lap, and the only point available to me is the top of the head or the right temporal lobe over the ear, then I will use that one and intend that the rest are being tapped as I go along. If my husband is driving like a maniac on icy roads, then I will tap silently, using all the points, from top of the head to the Gamut! It’s just as effective, and just as fast, in most cases. This is a great opportunity to let your imagination and intuition fly. My friend Rosie tells me her husband sometimes wakes up and tells her to quit “flapping

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around like a damn chicken!” So if I’m lying in bed and don’t want to tap on all the points or wake anyone up with my speaking or tapping, I lie on my side and put one hand where I can gently tap on the collarbone point, imagining that I’m tapping on all of them through that one point. Including the Karate Chop Point and/or Sore Spots. Or I do the Easy Comfort Procedure, or the Super Tap (see chapter 19, Illustrations of More Tapping Spots) that I invented.

How do you do it?

You just imagine that you’re tapping the Karate Chop Point or rubbing the Sore Spot. Silently do the three Setup Statements, then silently say the Reminder Phrase as you imagine yourself tapping down from the top point to the underarm point.

Imagine yourself doing any of the tapping procedures. who can I use this on?

Yourself, at any time or place where you can safely put your attention on it. For anyone else, no matter where they or you are. They could even be underwater, across the world, on the space station, or on Alpha Centauri, and you could still tap for them. Using it for babies too young to know how is terrific. And for older kids is great, because you can do something for them without them feeling embarrassed or ashamed, or having to talk about how they’re feeling. It allows great privacy for them (and although I prefer to help them through a session in which they can voice their troubles, I also recognize that many kids - and adults, for that matter! - really do not want anyone to know what’s going on. So being silent as they tap is a great boon). With any parent, there are times we feel helpless in the face of our child’s upset. Now we can help! How I’d have loved to have had this when my kids were little!

tap! now!

We can watch them slam the door and stomp up to their room - and then we can just sit down and tap for them! Ha! You can also tap on how you feel about their upset. You could silently say, for instance:

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even though I’m really upset at my mom I’m still a great kid and I know Mom loves me even though I hate doing my history home work, I know I’m smart

Healing Intentions

even though I hate not being able to call my girlfriend and I have to do my homework first I know I’m a great kid even though I feel so frustrated about his being so upset I deeply and completely accept myself A little while later he will come back down all smiles and call his girlfriend - never knowing how you helped him calm down and confidently do his homework. Smile back!

shorty version

On the plane, I can use my shorty version - the Easy Comfort Procedure - by tapping under the eye, on the bump on the collarbone and in the center of the chest, and repeating silently: even though I’m terrified/about to be sick, I know I’m OK Then I take a: deep breath with my hand flat over my heart. If that one round isn’t enough, I do it again until it feels complete. It’s short and works great. The shorty version works well when I’m driving, too. When I have a feeling come up or when I get sleepy, I just tap on those three points as I say, even though I’m falling asleep and I’m so groggy, I know I’m OK It works - try it!

YourMind!


at the movies....

Something happened recently that was very interesting. A few weeks ago, Freda and I went to see a movie - Snow Dogs, I think it was. There was a little boy sitting close behind me on my right who had a bag of potato chips that he continually scrunched so it wrinkled and crinkled and made a constant high, annoying sound right, it seemed, in my right ear.

furious!

I felt so infuriated by the middle of the film I wanted to spring out of my chair and grab the bag out of his hands and smash it on the ground! Finally I just turned and looked at him and he stopped for a while, but unconsciously started up again not long after. I felt annoyed and distracted for almost the entire film. Later I asked Freda if she had felt as annoyed as I did, and she said she hadn’t even noticed it! Strangely enough, with all the tapping I’d been doing, I didn’t even remember to tap on it while it was happening. A situation can be so real to us that we get caught up in the event and the emotions and we forget that it’s about us, not them. That it’s just a reflection of our own inner wiring. Hmmmm....

again!

At another performance not too long afterwards, what do you think happened - again??? A woman sat right behind me and scratched her fingernail against her nubbly skirt over and over - not even in time with the music. It made a horrid scratchy nasty sound that went right to the center of my head.

tapping for distraction

At first I felt like crying. Was I going to have to suffer the same distraction again? But this time I remembered. I thought, well, let’s try the mental tapping on her and on me, too. These were some of the words I said in my mind as I mentally rubbed the Sore Spot: even though I ground myself by making annoying noises I feel so shattered I can’t even think straight, I deeply and completely accept myself, and I choose to approve of myself and my life. even though I feel so annoyed by the way things are I Know I’m OK and I can let this silly thing go. Funny, isn’t it - after I tapped on that, the next times I went to the movies, guess what has never happened again....

YourMind!


Tapping on Physical Issues Chapter sixteen

want more energy? Ever wondered if you could increase your energy for going through the day? Here’s an easy way to do that. RATE GAUGE

1 0 9 rate your energy level On that scale of one to ten, with ten being the optimal level of energy for your 8 body, how much energy do you have right now to go through your day? Look at the gauge, and see what level you feel as if you are operating at right now. It might be low and sluggish - a 3 maybe? Or perhaps you feel pretty good today 7 an 8. 6 how much to increase? This is important - keep it safe for your system. Look at the thermometer and 5 see the level it’s safe to raise your levels of energy to, for now. It’s best not to raise it any higher than your “safe reading” so that you avoid any extra, un-necessary 4 stress to your system. By stating that you’re seeking your own perfect safe level of function right now, 3 you’re keeping within what is safe for you within the parameters of what works for you at this time. You can always re-do this again at a later time. 2 If “seeing” the thermometer doesn’t work for you, use the “truth measure” we 1 talked about earlier - how true is it that I operate at 100% for my body? 10%? Imagine a gauge or thermometer which represents the levels of functioning for your body/system.

80%? And importantly, how do I feel about not operating at 100% optimum levels of energy for my body?

YourMind!

Change with EFT The cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body’s energy system. Get a feel for it, or guess (which is one way of allowing your unconscious mind to tell you what it is). You don’t have to be rigidly perfectly “accurate” here - we’re only looking for a measure with which to compare results when we’re done.

SETUP/TAPPING

Even though my body only runs at ______ %, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself and my body. This clears out the most obvious blockages to the whole process, and leads us in the next and more specific step. Even though my system has energy disruptions that slow me and my body down, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself and my body and I choose to release and repair everything that slows me and my body down.

NEW RATING

Take a new rating. Repeat this process with more specific phrases or ideas you flash on as you go, until you reach the 100% mark of what is safe for you today, until you feel good, or want to stop. Regular use of this will increase your energy levels and give you a whole new sense of self. You may have to adjust your daily habits to the increased level of energy since you may not need as much sleep. Of course, if you want to go to sleep and can’t, you can always tap on that, too!

hating Cold mornings I have always hated being cold, ever since I can remember. My family used to make fun of me, and my brother, too, for being wimps and making such a big deal out of the cold. I still don’t much like it, but not as bad as before. I can see Pa standing over my bed at five am, waking me up for school. Feeling the icy air on my skin as he rips the covers almost completely off the bed. Me getting angry because my bed was so hard to make, being so high off the floor, and he has just completely ripped it apart. Him laughing. I stumble to the bathroom, get ready, go down and eat breakfast I’m not even hungry for. We crunch through the snow to the car, drive on slick roads to get on the train. Standing swaying in the crush of people in the aisle of the hour-long train ride into NYC. Men pressing on me,trying to grope me through my thick woolen coat; moving to avoid them. My father oblivious.

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The cold, dark, slippery subway, then running as fast as I can with my huge portfolio billowing out to either side of me, a big stiff flag buffeted by gusts of frigid wind. The school rooms hot, dry havens in the winter world. I hated that twice-daily trip. Even though I hate the cold I feel stopped in my tracks by the cold I am so uncomfortable in the cold I don’t want to go out I feel unwelcome I detest being cold I feel like an outsider, unreceived unsafe and unprotected I deeply and completely accept myself, and I choose go out anyway and deal with it happily I choose to see that people really do receive me with love and appreciation I choose to feel grateful for the love people give me I choose to enjoy myself and my life That was a surprise! When it came to the I choose part, I sat here and didn’t know what I was going to choose. Feel warm? Live in a warm place? Go out and buy a ton of warm clothes? Then it hit me - I really would like to be able to weather the weather anywhere I am. Happily. No fuss. Just be here now and so what if it’s cold?

unwelcome

The unwelcome part was a surprise, too. Now, this is where persistence and remembering about aspects comes in. Ma told me when I was very young that when she discovered she was pregnant with me, she tried to get rid of the pregnancy. She tried bouncing in bumpy car rides and running around. She felt that it was way too soon after my father got home from the war to get pregnant. Because I was so young when she told me this, I didn’t understand. I had no idea about how it takes time to get used to each other after a long separation, and getting back into the swing of things together, or the intensity a pregnancy and baby adds to a family. I grew up wondering if she still felt that way. I asked her once or twice, and she would

YourMind!


exclaim vehemently that of course they wanted me! But I never could get it out of my mind. Imagine if I had had and been able to use EFT then! How different my life - how different all our lives - would have been!

it’s not about me!

She tried to stress that she had tried to end the pregnancy, not me. But the thought that she had wanted to get rid of me still sat there lurking under everything. I wasn’t wanted, I wasn’t welcome. I always felt like an outsider in my own family. Now that I’ve done extensive tapping on that, I can now talk about it without the charge that was always there before. Cool.

more cold

She also told me her account of her time in the hospital after she gave birth to me. It had been very cold in the delivery room at my birth, being in December, and even though she had been heated up by the effort of childbirth, her hands and feet still felt like ice, her bottom half numb with spinal block. Makes me wonder how I must have felt, slipping out of her all wet and naked and vulnerable! Ah! There’s a good one! Even though I feel weak and vulnerable when it’s cold, Even though I feel weak and vulnerable I deeply and completely accept myself, and I choose to keep my power no matter what the environment As soon as I finished that round, I felt done. Big sigh. Good example of how one issue can lead to another, seemingly unconnected one! Now I notice that I don’t feel the cold so sharply anymore. I still feel it! But it doesn’t bother me as much.

betty

Betty came over this afternoon after work. She looked tired and harassed. Her job is very high-stress, sometimes involving very difficult people. She also spends a lot of time with her family, and runs a home business, so she is busy busy busy. She looked like she was going to fall over any minute. I asked her if she’d like to tap on being tired. She gladly said yes, since she had to keep going with more to do after she left here, and wanted to be awake for it.

exhausted

I had her measure the intensity of feeling sleepy and tired. It was about an 9. Even though I am exhausted and sleepy I deeply and completely accept myself and

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We did one little round, and she felt much better. About a 3, she said. So I asked her how she would really want to feel. She said light, awake and very energized. Even though I am still exhausted and sleepy I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to feel light, awake and very energized A zero! Bingo! She was thrilled. We talked about EFT and discussed how it would be a great tool for her own work with the people she had to care for. She was enthusiastic and happy to feel the effects of even such a short session. I get confused when people tell me they want something and then don’t/won’t make time or find the resources to attain it. Betty told me she would be interested, but I never heard about it from her again, and we had two workshops later that she opted out on. Why do people do that? Ah, well. Must be her own inner timing.

Cheryl

It’s astounding to me to think about not bothering to make the time to learn EFT when it helps people so much. Like little Cheryl. Cheryl is an 11 year old girl who sustained significant brain damage several years ago. She is as yet unable to stand up straight, walk, or even crawl on all fours by herself, speak clearly, or hold both of her eyes in focus at once. She hasn’t yet reclaimed control of her leg muscles, which spasm rapidly when she attempts to walk. This causes her to look as if her body is trying to run instead of walk. Cheryl couldn’t tap, but could hold her finger on a single tapping spot. That worked well, so I took her through several rounds of tapping, including: even though I’m so mad I can’t walk, and I want to catch up for all the time I’ve lost it’s hard to slow my muscles down so I can walk, it’s so hard to walk or crawl, my arms and legs don’t do what I want it’s so hard to see straight, and I know I’m OK, and I’m a really great kid, and I know I can do it. She was then able to quickly achieve some simple but for her, difficult, physical maneuvers that had been almost impossible only a week before.

YourMind!


At one point, Cheryl wanted to show us (Mum and Auntie were there, too) how she could get off her bed by herself without falling. This was a major accomplishment, since not long ago it had taken her a long time to do.

dolly

She then showed me her dolly. I held it, and showed her how to tap on it. She really liked that, and took over, herself, tapping a couple of rounds - with me directing when she got stuck - even beginning to voice the phrases in a whisper. Her whisper was stronger as we tapped more, becoming more fully-voiced words near the end of the session. She was very excited about the process. Her eyes - which at a few points during the session, came right into co-ordinated focus as she looked at me, and I knew she was right there with us - lit up, and her little body was shivering with energy. It was very moving to see such amazing progress in one short hour. At a later session, she was now able to hold a cup of water and drink it all by herself, without anyone assisting her or holding her hands steady, which only a short time before had been impossible.

After note:

I saw Cheryl yesterday. I asked her if she had been tapping, and she said, “On my dolly.” We know about getting the benefits from tapping on others, right? When Cheryl “surrogate” taps on her dolly, guess who gets the same benefits as her dolly!

make a list 1. Write out what we don’t like about our life. This is the setup list. In a recent self-session, dividing a piece of paper into two columns, I wrote my dislikes on the left side. I was surprised to see how fast I got into writing “I hate....” at the beginning of each line, and how furious I felt about it all. Not just mad, but furious. I listed the feelings as I wrote.

2. I wrote out what I would rather have, instead. This was my choice list. To the right of the first list, I wrote the opposite of each negative item, using very specific language - i.e., instead of saying free of debt, rather, “so-and-so is paid off.” Or instead of I have more money, I wrote “I easily make (a specific amount) per month.”

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3. Then I tapped on all the I-don’t-like items and the associated feelings, using the choice list for my choices. In the very back, sneaky, invisible part of my mind that refused to hear optimism, I was unable to imagine my life as it might just be one day. Anything better always seemed to be out of reach. But by the time I was finished, the anger and resentment was gone, and , I was more open to new possibilities.

was depression really resentment?

I realized, after I had done the exercise, that a feeling I had been wrestling with recently, and naming depression, might have been resentment. I couldn’t figure out why I was feeling depression after it had been gone for so long. I thought maybe it was that I hadn’t gotten all the roots. It was weird, because it didn’t feel all the way like depression - but I couldn’t name it, either. Now I realized it was resentment. I didn’t feel any shred of depression after doing it, and the resentment was totally gone. I felt really happy.

feelings underlying feelings

I have a friend who is a psycho-therapist. She tells me - and it has been my experience with myself as well - that under depression lies rage; under that, fear; under that, grief. Gina feels depressed because she has no money, and is bored and angry - she feels that she can’t do what she wants to do. Why? She’s afraid to try because she might fail, be rejected, be dismissed, lose her job, people will think she’s stupid - any number of fears. Under that would be the grief of a life passed without meaning. Big grief.

using the list on the physical

I decided this morning, as I took a walk, that I’ve been feeling too heavy for way longer than I preferred, no matter how I look to other people. That I would like to get back into good shape again. It’s time for me to pick it all up and reshape it.

negatives to the left

I thought of what I didn’t like about my body and health. I imagined writing a mental list that kind of hung in the air to my left as I walked: too heavy, too flabby, out of breath, enough upper arm to create another two arms, enough cottage cheese on the thighs to feed the Womens’ Auxiliary Luncheon for an entire month. And more: No strength at all compared to when I was a potter, or even recently before I stopped carving when winter came on. Fear/dislike of running because my extra weight

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jiggles around and my heart beats so fast I’m afraid I’ll have a heart attack. Family myths zipping through my mind - both my folks died of heart attacks so I’m told I’m supposedly “in line” for one, myself. Not to mention that they both died comparatively young - before either one was 70 - so I only have a few years to go before I reach “that age.” Unhappy digestion and a remainder of reactions to some foods, despite all the tapping I’ve done. I obviously haven’t gotten to the core of those issues.

positives to the right

Then on the right side of me I imagined feeling light at my goal weight, feeling trim, deep breath, strong, slender arms with great muscle delineation; smooth, muscled thighs; body strength that allows me to carve all day if I like and not get winded or tired. Feeling like I can run, jog, or walk as I please as far as I please. A strong heart with good heart rates. Freedom from fear of heart attack, no matter what my family history is. Knowing that as long as I live, I will be healthy, fit and strong; with great digestion, being able to eat without guilt or worry. Knowing my subconscious knows what beliefs are at the bottom of all this and that it will reveal them to me to be healed. Then I tapped silently as I continued my walk: Even though I have this extra weight on me and I have no idea what the beliefs are under this problem I feel heavy and overburdened and overwhelmed and I hate it I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to weigh my goal weight, feeling and looking great.

ooohh no!

There was a huge part of me just sitting there sniggering. “You will never weigh that again,” it said. “How could you even think you could?” Even though I don’t believe I can do this and I feel angry and like I have really blown it and I have to walk around feeling heavy, roley-poley and ugly for the rest of my life I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to weigh my goal weight feeling strong, attractive and great about myself. Big yawn there, and chills down the left leg. Usually means I have a big shift. Somehow I

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can’t imagine that an issue that has dogged me for x number of years is so easily dismissed. But if those other people, who, using EFT, are helped through the pain of rape and war experiences can let go of stuff that is even heavier, permanently and in a rapid fashion, why can’t my system let this go quickly, too?

an old friend

Somehow the issue has been like an old friend. Maybe I had nothing else to think or talk about - ugh - what a thought. It has been quite an identity. Maybe I put on weight in order to not be so throw-around-able: Pa used to tease me and tickle me - maybe my body wanted more padding so I was too ponderous to play with, or not as attractive, or - maybe it was all my own perception of how I looked and felt. I tapped on all of those. even though it’s been like an old friend I had nothing else to think or talk about I put on weight in order to not be so throw-around-able even though my father used to tease me and tickle me and maybe my body wanted more padding I wanted to be too ponderous to play with I wanted to be not as attractive as I could have been maybe it was all my own perception I deeply and completely love and accept myself and my body There was more: Even though I feel guilty how stuck I’ve been I was afraid people wouldn’t like me because I’m so heavy and I’ve been really afraid I would lose the few friends I do have if they knew how bad I really felt what a Bad Person I am underneath I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to feel and experience lightness Even though I still feel guilty about how heavy my body has been and it feels terrible and I feel so incapable of getting rid of the heaviness I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to be light Big sigh again. Felt good.

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After that session, I began to feel very fortunate to have a body in as good shape as it was at that point. And I began to wake up so cheerful I surprised myself! And I’ve been watching as I have been wanting to take more walks, and eat less of the foods I know I react to or that make me heavy. Hmm.

Jerry Jerry came for a session after having had a very private part of his body removed. Cancer. He was very upset. He had heard just the day before that he still had even more cancer in some of his other organs and lymph nodes. The doctors hadn’t gotten it all, after all. He walked into the room with hunched shoulders, pale skin, hands wrung around each other like a wilting vine. My heart leapt into my throat. I did some silent self-tapping to calm my own energy. Since it was the first session Jerry had ever been to that was in any way “alternative,” he was very shy, doubtful and restrained. I explained a little about EFT, but wanted to help get him calm down before we did anything else. So I asked him if he’d be willing to just jump in and do some strange stuff, and he said a very disheartened, “Yeah.”

feelings first

I asked him what kind of words he’d describe the way he was feeling right now. He told me he was afraid, and really upset about his recent diagnosis. Since he was obviously having a hard time just being there, instead of confusing him with thermometers or scales, I held my hands out as far as I could reach. I said, “This symbolizes the intensity of your feelings as a ten.” I then held my palms together in front of me and told him, “This is a zero. If you were to show me how intense your feelings were, where would you hold your hands?” He grunted and said they would escape peripheral vision. That was pretty plain. So we did some very simple tapping on: even though I’m deeply afraid and upset I deeply love and accept myself. We did about five rounds, ending with the floor-to-ceiling eye maneuver (see Chapter 19, More Tapping Spots) to clear the remnants of the little bit he felt at the end.

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We went for the next and next emotional feelings he had. He had a tremendous back-up of them. He hadn’t felt calm since several months ago with the first diagnosis and removal of the first tumors. We tapped on: even though I’m afraid to die I don’t want to leave my wife and I don’t want to leave my kids and I don’t want to go through chemo and look all hideous and die with them seeing me like that I don’t want to do that to them I’m afraid they won’t get all the cancer again and I’ll have to keep suffering and get cut up over and over again and I can’t bear it I deeply and completely accept myself Jerry was becoming a bit more alert, now that he was less nervous. His voice was stronger and clearer than the whisper he started out with. His hands left their tense grip in his lap for the first time since he had come in. He even began gesturing as he spoke. His head came up from staring at his lap.

let the energy integrate

We took a break from the tapping to allow the energy to settle a bit while we had a very general talk about the relationship of energy to the health of the mind/body system. Jerry had never heard of any of the theories we discussed, and seemed doubtful but willing to listen and to tap, since he already recognized how much calmer he felt.

electricity

We went on and tapped on a few more fears, then looked at examples of the mental having effect on the physical. I had him imagine mentally sucking on a lemon, and he was readily willing to agree how the mental image made his mouth water and even pucker when he did so. As an electrician, he appreciated the electric aspect of the body, how it can be reversed or short circuited.

being present and grateful

We then tapped a bit on attitude - how important it is to avoid getting bogged down in the negative what-ifs and to stay in the present, appreciating what he has right here right now, even if he is scared. even though I’m still afraid of dying and it seems so unfair that now that the kids are grown and gone and I have this new time

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with my wife, I may not be able to spend it with her I may be gone and I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to choose feeling more calm and grateful Tears here. Since he didn’t want to be touched on his face, I tapped on his Karate Chop point as he tapped on his collarbone point until he calmed. I explained about the I accept myself and I choose statements. He was ready and willing to do that - no objection at all. Good sense of self. We did a few rounds tapping on how unfair it all was, how he was angry about it and scared for his family. Color suddenly flushed his face; he became more animated and spontaneously sat up straighter in his chair - and even smiled a bit. I didn’t want to overload him, so we agreed to close down until a later date. It was vital, at that point and time, to help him get calm. Then to get a taste of what it felt like to feel OK again, even if only for a short while, so he could remember what it was like to feel strong. Then create the possibility of having a more positive viewpoint. Jerry left still shaky but a whole lot more calm, and able to even smile a bit for the first time since who knows when.

cold at the park

Freda and I went for a walk last winter down to the local park where the town’s annual Rhododendron Festival was going on. We ran into one of our friends, who mentioned that she was feeling very cold. I was surprised since I’m usually the one who’s cold, and I felt great! Freda suggested that we go sit down so I could show her how to tap for being warm. We did, and in only two rounds, she felt much better. All we did was say: Even though I feel cold, I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to feel warm. No aspects, no other issues, just cold to warm.

now mom

While we sat and talked for a few minutes, her mother came along. She was cold at level 10. So we sat her down, too, and tapped with her. At first she said it didn’t work. I was feeling like it wasn’t the right place to go into a lot of detail, so I told her how to tap for herself, at home or mentally, on any remaining cold. We talked a bit more, then left.

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Later, we saw her again, and she told us that her feet were warm now - she was happy that it had worked! It was so wonderful to be able to help someone in a definitive way, right there and then. No long sessions or trances, no great sums of money, no ten years of therapy - just right there in the middle of the park, in five tiny minutes. Bang. Amazing. I just love it.

journal entry Here is an excerpt from my journal on a session I did while working on a chronic pain I had in my hip and lower back. My process is no different from anyone else’s. If you can get ideas of words to use or ways to handle what you are working through by reading this, great! That’s what this is all about. So here it is:

pain

In pain all day yesterday. Tapped on various issues, big and little, all day. This morning I still had to tap to just get out of bed. When will this leave? Guess it took me a while to get this way - no use expecting it to not take time to clear. Even though I still have this pain in my hip I hate it I hate myself I hate my life I was born this way I have a malfunction I still deeply and completely accept myself. That got it down to bearable and get-up-able.

dressing

Dressing with the inability to bend over is an interesting feat. I felt disconnected and powerless, and unable to cope with life’s simplest tasks. Even though I feel disconnected powerless and unable to cope I still deeply and completely accept myself. Tears. Not much, but tears; tapping on through.

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Even though I’m still a bit sore now that I’m standing up disoriented and dizzy feeling discouraged I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to be strong and take heart

aspects

Feeling like I’m beating myself up here. Ah - an image of having been beaten, on the ground cringing and trying to roll up for protection Even though I feel beat up I still deeply and completely accept myself. Trying to put my pants on, feeling like I’ve been broken in two and not repaired, weak in the middle Even though I feel broken not repaired weak in my middle I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to be pain-free, repaired and 100% whole That suddenly felt good. I went through my day without pain.

Holographic Universe

Creativity in Business, by Michael Ray and Rochelle Myers was written in 1986, but is still crisply relevant. It speaks about the concept of how important it is to simply be ourselves, and about delving into our deepest, most creative sources. They speak about thinking of the universe as a hologram. As such, our thoughts, in the form of holograms can effect what we actually experience as the world. They say that what we are inside is what is manifested as our entire world. In thinking of the universe as holographic, that means the way we view our world is created by our own mental construct. OK. How have I somehow manifested, within myself, that pain in my hip? How have I constructed a world view that includes feeling all the things I have been feeling?

you created it!

I want to say something here about this glib phrase. It’s ticked me off for a long time. In the early phases of my training as a practitioner, it was common to hear, in response to a

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complaint or comment about some thing that was bothering someone, “Well, you created it!” I would cringe when anyone said that to me, because I knew it was true on some level, but didn’t know how to deal with the creation, or resolve what I had supposedly created on purpose. If I had created it, why couldn’t I un-create it? Why was it so hard? Being told that I had created it made me feel as if I was doubly bad, doubly suffering, guilty for not only having the problem but for having created it as well. It’s like blaming a girl for being raped. She has to suffer the rape and the accusation of having wanted it in the first place. Excuse me? Why on earth would she do that???

subconscious messages

What I didn’t understand was that what was happening in my “outside” world had actually been created in another layer of my mind than the conscious mind. It’s not as if we lie around dreaming up things that will be harmful or hurtful for ourselves on purpose! No! Remember? We are here to Be. To love and be loved. To enjoy our experience. To align ourselves to our highest purpose. Why would we want to create pain? And don’t tell me that hooey about being here to learn from hard lessons. That’s so heavy and forever hard! I believe that any god in his or her or its right mind will tell you that any situation in which we find ourselves is simply an opportunity to either find or create more love and joy.

transition

Since I feel as if I have lately been in enormous transition, perhaps it stands to reason that I’m experiencing the physical results of some decision that was made in such a deep, inner place. It’s very interesting to watch how the pain comes in and then subsides with my thoughts. As I write about my transition, the pain is increasing, and I’m getting a pain in my side, like stitches as if I’ve been running, my legs are feeling sore and stiff, and my toes are tingling, as if falling asleep.

shifting universes - easily!

Am I really shifting universes? Is this how it feels? Fascinating! I believe so, and in this shifting of universes, I intend to feel great! So Even though I feel such pain and my legs are sore and stiff and my toes are tingling and I have this pain in my side I deeply and completely accept myself I’m seeing a very light, beautiful blue as I close my eyes to tap. It’s a blue I don’t see in this world.

YourMind!


many emotions

I’m feeling a lot of emotions - excited that the tapping has helped so much, yet fearful that I can’t resolve the whole problem with it - will EFT really do it? Will I be left with this lingering, in-and-out, almost-incapacitating pain/sensation of being broken in two? Even though I still hurt a lot I’m afraid this will never go away I will have to live with this forever I feel weak and flaccid in my lower back I feel broken I have no support this will never end I deeply and completely accept myself and I’m choosing to resolve this

family dynamics

Trying to figure out where all this pain came from, sometimes I get flashes of times in my childhood. I hardly remember the actual interactions I had with my family, other than a lot of not-necessarily-funny joking, poking, tickling and teasing - usually with me at the brunt. Knowing how creative our memories can be, I have no idea if how I remember it was how it was at all - my experience is that what I remember changes. I guess it doesn’t matter what I have is at once a recollection and a reflection of how I feel now - so if pain is up for healing, then who cares where it came from? Remember earlier when I said if you’re hurt at 7 years old, that part of you stays 7 years old? Part of me was still that young girl.

blame

It is not appropriate to blame anyone for the pain of my past, no matter how much I perceive they have hurt me. I spent a lot of time in therapy blaming everyone for my pain and hurt - my folks, my brothers, teachers - but ultimately by first acknowledging the pain, then expressing it, and then releasing it, I got a very different view of my childhood world that had nothing to do with how I had formerly perceived it.

Perception is everything. Taking personal responsibility for our feelings and our own experiences is paramount.

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clues in self-stories

Digging for clues here - listening to the self-talk - By the time I was a teenager, I pretty much avoided my older brothers, as they seemed to be such a source of pain and not much else. I got really tired of hearing that my ears were too big, that I looked fat - they told me my rear end was like a tank. They called me Crisco, fat in the can. I hated it. I avoided them like the plague when I could. I escaped into my room and drew and drew and drew. At the dinner table it was excruciating. Somehow they worked out a signal that was invisible to the rest of us, by which they could both simultaneously look at one of us and suddenly shout loudly, “WHAT!” out of nowhere. Each time they did it, it felt as if I had been plugged into a light switch for a split second. It was physically painful. It was also funny when they did it, though, so pain was mixed in with humor. I felt and became very cynical, In high school I consciously developed and carefully honed a razor tongue in order to have some defense against the continual onslaught of what they thought were hilariously funny jibes. Is this where all this pain comes from? I don’t know. I do recall feeling so hurt and so broken all the time -

broke, broker, broken

Later on, as an adult, feeling so utterly broke, alone and powerless, with no money for such a very, very long time - was this part of that history? When I lived in a small town in New Mexico, where I was ill for a long time, I remember saying that I felt broken. As if someone had broken me in half. Not being able to do my artwork, or have the ability to hold a job because I was so sick. I felt broken-hearted. Spirit-broken. All of that is tappable. From being called names to the dinner table shout to feeling broke and broken in New Mexico.

Listen to your own stories!

Take each issue and tap on them one by one. How very very different our lives would be if we had had tapping as we grew up!

I don’t know!

Yesterday I was thinking how I continually strive to put a reason on everything. What if there isn’t one? What if it’s a creation with no name? What if this pain just happened out of a strange corner of my mind, and I just need to feel it and let it go? Somehow it seems not possible that it could be that simple or easy!

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thought becomes thing

In Creativity in Business, the authors mention physicist David Bohm talking about how thought is not only a reflection of things. He contends that it is “something” in and of itself. And as such, is a real manifesting agent in the world. There’s also a discussion about how biologist Rupert Sheldrake, who takes physics into the biological and psychological realms, considers seemingly random chance events as “dependable creative manifestations.” He says we are like television sets that pick up invisible information from non-local sources, such as transmissions from a television station. Like these sets, our systems tune in to the vibrations that are always available around us: our systems are available to receive energy.

boundaries

So if there are energies all around me that I’m receiving, maybe this pain really isn’t “mine.” Is there a vibration, or a set of vibrations, that I’m receiving that cause this pain - or any such disruption - in my body/energy field? Like the day I almost ran into that accident field on my way to Invercargill? And again, why am I on some level open to it? Do I need to do some kind of boundary work? Have I attracted it in a “like attracts like” manner? Wonder if this would work - I feel like I have about a 5 on this even though I’m open to harmful energies I deeply and completely love and accept myself Feeling a little foolish here - like I’m in the middle of some sci-fi dream. But it feels better after I tap on that - about a 1. I’ll use the 6-second floor-to-ceiling thing That got it -

fear of mockery

Of course, it’s like UFO’s - the gov denies them even though we all know they exist. The best known method to deny anything is to mock the believer or the one who claims to have experienced something out of the ordinary, so it’s been ingrained in most of us not to reveal strange stuff so we don’t get mocked or rejected. Well, if I’m going to be real, I guess the laundry had best be aired, weird or not. I’m completely willing to look at any answers that might have meaning to my search.

the Next week

The pain is back. It’s as if I have been cut off at the waist. Man, after all that tapping! Well,

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it’s not that it didn’t work, it’s that I haven’t gotten the aspects or the roots that are causing the disruption. OK, well, what the heck do I do now? Even though I feel cut off -

isolated

Oh yeah! I do, that’s for sure! Not just in my body but from my former life in the States and my friends and what members of my family still talk to me - yowee! IsoLATED! OK: Even though I feel cut off and I hurt and I feel powerless I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to be whole and connected. This is interesting. I was unwilling to write the last phrase the way I really wanted it to be, which was: I choose to be whole, connected, and powerful. When I tapped, I said it like that, and I noticed that I did a lot of air-belching as I tapped. The only time I’ve ever seen that is when people are releasing implanted commands. Interesting! I’ll try this: Even though I’m afraid to be whole, connected and powerful, I deeply and completely accept myself and I willingly choosing to be whole, connected, and powerful.

defining

So what, exactly, does powerful mean? That can have so many implications I won’t even go there. But for me, it means being willing to live and speak my truth despite the possibility of being cut down by some person or other who might have the power to do so. It means sticking to the convictions I hold and joyfully acting upon them. It means being able to face opposition cheerfully and easily allow it to exist around me, even though it may not be exactly pleasant. Even though I’m afraid of being cut down and silenced, trapped in a small world of limitations Oh! That’s interesting! Chills down my side! I deeply and completely accept myself and

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I choose to be powerful, safe AND free. Less pain. Hm. OK, even though I still have this remaining pain I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to be happy and pain-free Only a little pain left, and a big, shuddering chill when I said Free the first time. Six-second eye thing (see chapter 19), and I’m done. Better! Whew! Feels like I’m out in Lala Land.

talks

I had the opportunity to speak at a local garden club here in Gore. One of the members had heard me speak at the National Council of Women, and asked me to speak. When she called, I thought, why do they want me to speak? How can what I do relate to what they’re doing? As we spoke about it, I thought, why not speak about the Garden of the Soul?

nervous

What I really wanted was to tell them about EFT. The night before I spoke, I had extreme nervousness, and had to do a lot of tapping on speaking to them, what on earth would they want me to speak for, how can I relate what I do to them, what do we have in common, I’m such a bold, brash loud American, and they’re all so quiet and reserved and why would they want to have me speak?

excited and inspired

Tapping helped me feel very calm, and able to go to the meeting feeling enthusiastic. I talked about my artwork, showing a few paintings and pictures of some of my sculpture. I spoke about how there is an inner garden within me that I go to for rest, meditation and inspiration. I made the garden up when I was a child, in order to have a safe place to go to think. Since my mother was a horticulturalist, I learned about plants, birds and insects by osmosis, and my inner garden became lush with exotic and rare species and breeds.

eft

Then I told them how I had experienced extreme depression almost all my life, how this miraculous technique had fallen into my lap, and what had happened to me since. I asked if they wanted to learn about it - and they were willing! So I asked if there was anyone who was having a hot flash, or a headache or some kind of pain.

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One woman, Mary, had hip pain. She rated it at about an 8. I showed them the routine: even though I have this hip pain I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to be pain free. We all said the setup phrases together three times, with Mary saying Even though I have this pain, and the rest of us saying Even though Mary has this pain. We all said the I accept and the I choose phrases in the first person. Why not? We did two rounds of negative phrase tapping on one side of the body and two rounds of choice phrase tapping on the other.

pain gone! eeehaa!

We did that one round, then another to complete the remaining pain she still felt. At the end, she said her pain had gone! I could see that everyone’s face had more color and the energy in the room was terrific.

artwork improved with eft

I talked more about my artwork and how I get ideas and inspiration, and how my work had changed since I had started tapping. My skill level has expanded considerably, and I am ten times faster than I was a year ago. Taking stock, I’ve done about 20 carvings and over 60 paintings - both large and small, in a little less than a year. Whew! But what is more important to me, the tone of my work has changed. Now the paintings have even more of an archetypal resonance. The images seem to delve more deeply into the Great Mythos. I like that.

tap again?

At the end of the meeting, I asked if anyone wanted to go over the process again, just to make sure they had it down. Yes. So I asked if anyone played golf or tennis. Not a big response. Anyone want to improve their cooking? YES! So for fun, we tapped on this: Even though I don’t cook as well as I’d like I deeply and completely accept myself, and I choose to cook like a famous chef, easily and effortlessly! We laughed all the way through it, but I will be very curious to see what happens! Perhaps Gore will become a place famous for its great cooks!

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Sam’s psoriasis Then there was Sam, a wonderful man in his 80’s who had the most awful psoriasis scabbed up on his lower arms, hands, and nails. It was very painful for him to move, or if he knocked it or scraped the skin, but he was able to function minimally in the daily world. He spent a lot of time lying in bed, though. He had originally, seven years ago, been completely covered with the crusty scabbiness. Such pain that must have been!

help

Since he was almost completely deaf, his wife, Minnie, sat in with us and helped me get him to make specific phrases. I tried to use humor to get him to actually express strong feelings - unusual for a sophisticated, restrained Kiwi chap. It was good to see him begin to be able to laugh about something so serious and so draining. At the end of the first and second sessions, we managed to get the pain from an eight to a zero! As we tapped, I just put my own mind to the side and imagined how I would feel if I had the same thing. And we said: even though I’m in such pain and I hate this stuff and I resent having it and I feel helpless to do a thing about it and I’m doing this weird tapping I deeply and completely accept myself even though I feel silly doing this tapping and I hate being so sick and I hate my life the way it is and I wish I could be free of this but I don’t think I ever will I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to be pain free Sam’s face told it all - there was a complete cessation of pain. I was so moved after they left that I wept - it was so wonderful to see such relief of such terrible, unrelenting pain. It had been very tiring having to shout the words right into his ear, but the relief was obvious and, to me, very exciting.

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no movement today

We did one more session, but it went slowly and I felt blocked. Sam came in with almost completely healed hands. Nothing but very tender, almost purple, new skin. I was thrilled, but Minnie told me she had seen it happen over and over again, and was unimpressed. I felt her lack of enthusiasm as a damper. But I hadn’t had much experience with the malady, so I didn’t know how often it came and went. It must get really frustrating to see it semi-heal repeatedly; maybe even get a bit boring. Perhaps there was a bit of anger on her part about feeling controlled by it all? I don’t know. We tapped and tapped on various things for about an hour, and ended up tapping on the arthritic pain in Sam’s arm. We couldn’t get that to move one inch. I didn’t know what was going on. Ideas about how to resolve it just didn’t come. I tried to keep an attitude of experimentation, rather than having an agenda. Minnie had been looking upset right from the start - energy toxin? There was an air of sadness and defeat as they left. I stood there and tapped on that for myself before I went home, proxying them in, just in case.

don’t give up!

They didn’t come back. I think they thought they had run EFT’s effectiveness out. What was really going on, of course, was that there were new aspects popping up that needed addressing. It must have seemed, to them, endless and impossible. I hope they continue to tap at home. It was most likely a combo of things getting in the way: not quite getting the right key words, perhaps; a toxic energy situation; rapidly returning reversals - perhaps it might have been better to tap with Sam alone that time? Many factors to consider. In any case, one session with what looks like a defeat shouldn’t make us doubt EFT. It simply means there is something there that we don’t know about, and we need to find it to be able to do better next time. Keep plugging on!

sally Sally is a woman who had a pain in her tailbone who freed herself from it in about three rounds of EFT. We started slowly, since Sally wasn’t at all familiar with the process. I explained it to her

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very briefly, and then we just jumped in. Sally was sitting on one buttock in a position that clearly indicated how uncomfortable she was. She rated the pain in her back, near the sacrum, at a 9. We started out with: even though I have this pain in my bottom, I can’t sit down for any length of time without pain and I’m so uncomfortable I can’t even sit straight I deeply and completely accept myself

how did you do that?

She looked at me with such shock on her face I thought maybe the pain had gotten worse! But no, it was about a 3. She was blown away. “How did you do that?” She was amazed. I told her about the disrupted energy idea, and how if we have this disrupted energy in our system, it mucks up the functioning of the body and mind. I asked her if she wanted to take it down to a zero, and she just snorted - “of course!”

underlying emotions

I had this feeling that there was an event of some kind underneath the pain. One! How about three! She retired from - or rather, was retired by - her company in a very unhappy redundancy; her husband retired; and they moved to another location! Any one of those would be enough to set anyone off! I asked her to tell me some salient points about these three issues. She had really liked her job, and was angry about being terminated. The company had moved, not inviting her to come along, giving her the “option” of a redundancy package. She felt left out and angry. Then when her husband retired and wanted to move house, she felt angry but never said anything. I asked her if she thought maybe the anger had lodged itself in the uncomfortable place she was sitting on. Her face lit up with amazement. We tapped: even though I was left out - forced out! and I feel angry about it being redundant, for heaven’s sake! and I feel sad about it and that I had no choice her face lit up again - ah! No choice!

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even though I had, and have rarely had, choice I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to be pain free I asked her to re-rate the pain. She reached down to feel her bottom. I had already seen her shift her body so that it was straight on the chair - I could see that there was no pain. I wanted her to “see” it first, so I didn’t say anything. The expression on her face was priceless! “Where did it go?” she exclaimed. “It’s just not there! My god! I can’t believe it!” It was a rock bottom zero. I talked to her sister, Anna, later on the same week, who said it returned a bit, but that Sally had tapped it away - and even took a two and a half hour car ride back home with no sign of the pain returning!

enrico’s anger pain Enrico is an older man who spends a lot of time with his beloved cats. He adores the theatre, and sometimes treats Freda and me to various local productions, saying he is pleased to have our company, since he enjoys going with someone rather than going to them alone. He is very knowledgeable about theatres, in stage lingo and ideas, old productions by sundry famous people, and tells us a lot about it all. It’s a pleasure to see him brighten up when he talks about it.

distressed

Enrico came by on a day that was very hot after a long period of wet, cold weather. Even I, the Queen of Cold, had to put on a tee-shirt rather than a turtle-neck! He wanted to drop some Christmas cards off for us both. Very sweet of him. Since Freda was out, I asked him if he’d like to come in a take a break from the heat. This house is always cold, so it was nice to sit in the front sitting room and be a bit cooler. It turned out that he suffers terribly from the heat, with a rash in quite an embarrassing spot. So I asked him if he’d like to try and alleviate it with a rather odd technique. He did a funny cute little nod that looked like he was about 6 years old. We tapped: Even though I react badly to this heat and get this rash I deeply and completely accept myself and

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I choose to choose be cool, calm and collected Even though I still have this heat rash reaction and get this rash and I hate it I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to let old resentment go That was better, but I had a feeling there was something else going on. I suggested this: Even though I still have this heat rash reaction and get this rash and I hate it and it makes me MAD! I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to express my anger responsibly I had no idea where the words came from, but he said they were right. We tapped him down to a comfortable zero. He rode off on his bicycle happy as a clam at high tide!

dee’s grand-daughter

Dee has a grand-daughter, Effie, who lives far away, who suffers from allergic attacks and slight epileptic fits. Dee took the first EFT course we gave in New Zealand a few months ago. She had been wanting to teach Effie, but had felt like she had to use surrogate tapping until she could visit her and her family. When she got back to Gore, Dee called me and told me that she’d been up to visit Effie and her mother. A few days before she was to come home, the opening she had been waiting for to introduce her grand-daughter to EFT occurred. Effie had had an allergic attack, resulting in a rash on her arms and itchiness all over. Dee asked her if she’d like to see if she could “lessen the itching with an amazing easy process.” Upon agreement, she took Effie through a few rounds of EFT, coaching her with words and tapping with her. even though I have these itchy hands and it makes me feel crazy it itches so much I know I’m a great kid The itching stopped, and the rash began to go away! Dee told me that they had done more tapping that night successfully. She was very excited that the EFT had had such a profound effect.

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falling asleep

At today’s EFT support group meeting, I noticed that George’s skin color was a little pale, his breathing very shallow and short, and his eyes were near-closed, reddish around the rims. He looked like he was going to pass out at any moment. It’s important to understand about the function of falling asleep at what seem to be inappropriate times like meetings, or seminars, in particular.

The subconscious mind is an amazing, true friend. It wants the very best for us. We fall asleep when: • • •

we are bored we need rest we need to simply stop

and when:

we need to access something that is unavailable to the conscious mind we do a process that stirs up our internal structure to the point that it seems dangerous or frightening to our conscious mind • we are learning something that needs to be taken in at a very deep level • •

workshop pass-out

George looked like a glass-eyed inebriate! Having experienced this myself, I recognized this as what I call workshop pass-out - the subconscious mind wants to hear the information, but the conscious mind wants to protect us from it. The conscious mind, programmed to keep out heretic, upsetting or dangerous messages, wants to shut out this new information. But the subconscious mind, wanting to hear this fascinating new material, tricks the body into falling asleep so the information can seep through to the deeper levels. The mind is always active. In sleep or rest, part of us is always aware of what’s going on.

heart/intention

I believe that one of the fundamental reasons we are here, on this planet, in these bodies, is to develop our hearts and our intentionality. Imagine being heart-filled with no way to express our love! Imagine being able to intend and do anything, and not have the heart to do it with kindness and compassion!

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Both heart and intention are paramount, and must be used in tandem. If, in the past, someone has been punished in one way or another for going outside their family/school/religious doctrinal codes, they can very likely have a rigid belief that says, for example, that energy work is dangerous. It follows that their conscious mind will not want to hear anything about energy work. But their Deep Self, wanting to be free to express the sweetness of its heart and to expand into its fullest potential, wants this new thing. It uses its wonderful tool, the subconscious mind, to make the body go into a state of pseudo - or even full - sleep.

sleeping through a workshop

I was at a three-day workshop a long time ago in Hawaii. It was one of the first selfimprovement workshops I’d ever attended. In the front row there was a man who fell sound asleep - snores and all - within half an hour of the start of each days’ program, and only woke up an hour before the day’s end. When he first fell asleep, there were those of us who were concerned for him, that he had paid all this money and wasn’t going to get anything out of the time, that he was uncomfortable, that he was loud - all kinds of worries were triggered by the situation. We were all assisted in addressing our worries, and reassured that not only was he OK, but would have a surprise for us at the end of the three days. We proceeded to complete the workshop accompanied by the dulcet tones of his snoring.

awake

When he awoke at the end of the last day, I could see there was something different about him, but I couldn’t really say what, other than that he looked refreshed and younger. His face had a beautiful glow about it. The workshop facilitator held up his hand and said, “I want you to see something. How many of you think Kalani here has missed out on the workshop?” Most of the group raised their hands. “How many disagree?” A few hands. He then asked Kalani some pointed questions about what we learned during the weekend, and Kalani gave a perfect answer to each question. There’s no way he could have done that before the workshop - he didn’t have the information, and we all knew it because we all knew him well.

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We were amazed. We had heard, of course, about sleep-learning, but we had never seen the evidence of the phenomenon right up front!

self-protection

Kalani had had a strict religious upbringing. His father’s word was Law. Anything to do with any other religion, structure, or form of inner work was forbidden, on pain of extreme physical punishment. Of course his body shut down when exposed to this new, “heretical” information! But his subconscious soaked the information up like a thirsty sponge. It had not only picked up on it, but had processed a great deal of it. Which was why he looked refreshed: not just because he’d had three days of sleep - more importantly, he’d had a full three days of very deep processing. He’d cleared a vast amount of energy and now had it available to use in more efficient and beneficial ways.

back to george

So here was George today, falling asleep. Even though he seemed to be passing out, he still really wanted to be clear and present. He kept trying to keep his eyes open and stop his head from falling back.

tapping on falling asleep

I asked George if he’d like to tap on falling asleep. He said yes, so we tapped on falling asleep and made some new choices, as well. Even though I’m falling asleep and I don’t want to but I can’t help it and I’m embarrassed to be the center of attention for this I deeply and completely accept myself

angels

When we got to the acceptance phrase, I told everyone in the room to imagine a beautiful angel standing in front of them, embracing them with a huge heap of love and acceptance. To really feel that, really take it in as deep as they could. That visualization seems to make it easier for people who are new to EFT to say the I accept myself phrase. Then they can have that when they go home and work on the phrase itself to clear any doubts about it. Having the memory of the angelic being helps soften and clear the doubts. We went on to:

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“I choose to be awake, clear, and energized, and able to safely receive and integrate any of this new information I want.”

shift!

By the end of the third time we did the setup, George had begun to shift. I could see his energy had cleared and he was feeling more calm, peaceful and awake. We continued into the tapping sequence, saying “passing out, sleepy, etc.” on the right side of our faces and bodies, then “awake, clear, energized and safe” on the left, both sequences twice. George’s face was soft, and full of color, and he looked bright, alert and clear. I called him a couple of hours after the meeting to find out what was going on for him, and he told me he felt energized and happy! Very nice.

If you can’t find the emotional component, tap on the physical even if you tap on “I don’t feel anything right now.” If you can’t find the physical relief you want, go for the emotional ask yourself how you feel emotionally Either way, we can get relief and feel great. If we have some big issues and it takes a while to get there, so what? At least now we know we have this incredible tool.

We have the Key!

YourMind!


Making Movies Chapter seventeen

too sensitive When an issue is too hard to bear, or even think about, we can clear it painlessly using the movie technique. Since we don’t like pain, and there’s no use in re-traumatizing ourselves, why not use a technique that is easier and that can be either pain-free - or close to it? Besides chasing the pain, there are other ways to go about this business of addressing the yuck-stuff: the movie technique, the behind-the-bullet-proof-glass technique, and for the really tough ones, I like the way my friend, Ben does it: he uses a movie on-the-reel-in-the box technique, only taking the scenes out frame by frame. Any of them will give good results used on issues like troubling or unwanted memories and thoughts from worry, war, rape, abuse, molestation; new events, nightmares, fear and terror.

don’t be brave!

Most therapies that I have been through expect me to go back to the original event and re-feel it, revisit it with all the pain, fear and powerlessness of the first time overtaking me and sweeping me over.

EFT is easier

Why on earth would I want to put myself there if I know I can achieve better results, move more disruption out of the way, and feel great at the end of it, with an easier method?

The movie technique

Imagine the event you want to resolve in a movie. We can watch it up on a screen, at a safe distance, or as Ben did, put it on a reel in a film box, only thinking about each frame as he pleased. This way we can recall it little-bit by little-bit, without the original pain and intensity.

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Name it

First, we name the movie. Ben called his Father Overpowered Me.

Length

Determine how long the movie is, encompassing the whole story. Ben said about three minutes. It can be a quickie move - it doesn’t have to be a three-hour feature film!

Start before the incident

We make sure Ben understands that it’s his responsibility to take care of his own mental, physical, and emotional well-being. If and when the emotional intensity of his memory starts to increase, we want him to stop telling the story immediately - right then and there. This is not about bullying through as a “brave man.”

EfT is about clearing out the dross with as little pain as possible! When Ben starts to get intensity as he’s telling the tale, he stops and taps down the intensity of the part he is currently focused on. that way he goes through the story a bit at a time, easily chewing off and clearing each little part until it’s gone.

privacy

Ben may not want to talk about the issue or the event to anyone. It’s too private or too threatening for any number of reasons. In that case, he can either hum the words even though I have this hmm hmm hmm - or he can tap silently.

starting

Ben goes to a time just before the event in the movie, and slowly tells what is happening, working up to the incident. “I’m about eleven years old,” Ben says. “I’m sitting in the kitchen with my mother, reading a magazine. She’s preparing dinner. I’m really involved in the story I’m reading, and we are both having a nice, quiet time just being there.” As Ben continues, his voice starts to quiver. It’s obvious there is something up.

stop here!

If he ignores or bullies on through this intensity in order to go on, he misses the treasure the opportunity to resolve this part of his old wound.

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Not only will he miss this opportunity to permanently clear the energy, he re-traumatizes himself by running the disrupted energy through his system all over again. So, Ben stops and taps down the intensity now, at this point in the story. Now he can safely continue from there without the pain or previously disrupted energy. He will have healed a part of the energy already! He won’t have to feel it ever again! He has addressed one of the elements of a huge mountain of pain. Eventually he will clear each pain-rock out and collapse the entire mountain.

Next?

As he considers the next frame of the movie, he is beginning to shake a bit. What’s going on? He rates how he now feels at a ten, and we tap: even though I know something is about to happen, and I feel apprehensive I’m shaking and I want to run away I know I’m OK We tap a few times, and he’s OK.

carrying on

Ben continues, “My father walks into the room and reaches out his hand to take my arm.” Another ten. We tap: even though I know my father will grab me so hard I’ll cry out and I hate it that he gets me to yell and I hate the pain in my arm and I’m so scared of what is next I deeply and completely love and accept myself even though my dad thought he was being funny and he hurts me I know this will be torture and he won’t stop till I have peed in my pants and he’ll laugh at me I know I’m OK Ben takes a minute out and breathes deeply, and comments that it feels safer to do it this way, since his movie is in the box on his lap and he can wait to take out another frame - or not.

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continuing

He goes on: “My father grabs my arm and pulls me onto the floor with him, and starts to tickle me. My father is thinking it’s so funny that he’s tickling me, but it really hurts and I can’t get him to stop no matter how I yell or scream. He doesn’t believe it hurts.” Ben rated that at a 9. even though he grabs my arm and hurts me and he thinks it’s funny to tickle me it really hurts and I can’t get him to stop no matter how I yell or scream he doesn’t believe it hurts nothing I do or say will help or stop the pain I hate it when he does this I deeply and completely accept myself

more

His father is still laughing and thinking it’s a big joke. Ben says, “I feel so utterly helpless and over-powered. Nothing I say does any good. I can’ get him to stop. “ Ben’s breath is short and he’s gasping. His face is red and his hands are all clenched up. Ten. even though I feel so utterly helpless and over-powered nothing I say does any good I can’ get him to stop my breath is short and I’m gasping my face is red and my hands are clenched I know I’m really OK “Wow!,” he says, “no wonder I feel so scared of speaking to my boss!” Fits, doesn’t it? He goes on again. We haven’t gotten to the top of the mountain yet, and we’ve already taken some big boulders from its foundation.

again

“He would pretend to let me go,” Ben says, “then push me back down and tickle harder and laugh more. I hated him. I feel it right in the pit of my stomach. Then he’d tickle so hard I’d pee in my pants.” even though he’d pretend to let me go and he laughed at my helplessness I felt so powerless and stuck I hated his guts I feel his cruelty right in the pit of my stomach

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in my guts I hate my guts I felt so weak and useless so gutless he made me wet my pants I hate the s.o.b. I deeply and completely accept myself He gets that down to a zero and starts on the rest of the story.

this is easier

We are about through the story. Can you see how much easier it is to do it this way than to feel or envision the whole incident all at once? It also helps us to get all the little details that we would pass over in the chaotic jumble of recalling a massive incident. They’d cause more upset later on if we didn’t get them now. Ben continues and talks about how angry he is that his father humiliated him. He feels enraged now. Very different from the man who walked in feeling powerless and humiliated. He’s really mad that a big man like his father would terrorize a little kid - or anyone, for that matter. Holding him down, tickling till it hurt and making him pee in his pants, then laughing! What kind of joke is that? It was downright humiliating! Big ten. Even though I am enraged I’m ticked off! I felt so humiliated he made me pee in my pants! that jerk! how dare he laugh at me I was so embarrassed I know I’m OK Ben tapped down his face like this: EB - I hate that jerk SE - I’m so ticked at him UE - so humiliated UN - how could he do that to me CH - he was such a bully CB - ah - little sigh - I’m so mad UA - I’m humiliated

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shifting

Did you catch that little sigh? Heres an indication that a shift is happening. When we have relaxed on an issue, our body releases, we take on more oxygen, the color in our faces comes back - and we sigh. The release is either beginning or has completed. Notice carefully what is happening with yourself.

a bit more

If it’s a little sigh, know that a shift is beginning to occur, but keep on going and do another round. Things aren’t yet complete. And we might want to add some positive statements now as we go down the face and body again. This begins to initiate and integrate a more positive attitude, or a cognitive shift. Like this: EB - I’m so mad SE - I’m so ticked off at him UE - it really wasn’t that bad UN - how could he do that to me CH - he didn’t have a clue how strong he was CB - I’m still mad he didn’t pay attention to me UA - I’m humiliated Another round: EB - he was only playing SE - he was just trying to have fun with me UE - it wasn’t funny to me! UN - how could he do that to me CH - he was such a bully CB - it could have been worse UA - oh it was no big deal Ben rates it again and sighs a big, hearty sigh. “it was no big deal,” he says. “it’s over, and my dad was a big lunky unobservant lout, but he loved me anyway and I can forgive him.”

No charge

The movie technique makes it so much easier to move through each little part. No need to tackle the whole thing at once. Now we can think back on the whole thing and have no emotional charge at all. As you can see from the drawing, if we went for the big ten at the top, we’d miss the nine

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and tens under it. We’d have to go back in and get them later. Making a movie, though, going inch by inch, not only is less painful, but we also get more of the Goods as we go. We clear it to the point that there is literally no charge on any of it as we think about it later.

behind the glass There are other ways to defuse the scenario so the charge is less to deal with:

10

We can stand behind a wall made of thick, bullet-proof glass. We can watch the scene sliding by slowly, with a remote control in our hand that we can bush for stop action when we need to. We can put the movie up on a screen, and step out of the movie to watch the scenes.

9 10 10

In each case, we can still see and hear what is going on in the event, yet feel safe.

Specificity

jangled, tangled energy

Tapping on the whole issue becomes untangled and will begin to take the edge off can flow freely again the intensity, but often as not will only let us go so far and no further. We need to get the little pebbles that make up the mountain of pain, instead of trying to attack the whole mountain. In “The Day My Ex Came Home Drunk and Hit Me,” a six-second movie, we tap on each pebble: “When he came in the door and I saw his face,” and “when he came at me and his fist was in my face,” and “I can feel his fist on my chin,” and “when I landed on the floor,” etc. This way we collapse the whole horrid mountain of disrupted energy inch by inch. This “watching from a distance” will force the little details out that are so important to snag and eliminate.

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Dean

Dean is a successful commercial graphic designer. He wants to drop graphic design because he no longer wants to sit in front of a computer all day long. He’s learned EFT, and has been using it on himself and his family. Dean wants to shift from graphic design to offering EFT as a service to others. He’s very excited about the possibilities EFT offers in terms of both business and service, but is nervous about offering it to his old clients who only knew him as a designer. It was hard to believe that someone who was so talented and successful had such fear about being in business, but as it turns out, it made a lot of sense after what he had been through.

memory

Dean had a very upsetting experience as a 14 year old. He was an avid surfer, getting up at dawn to surf before and after school, often surfing until the last possible minute in the evening. His passion for drawing also meant that he slacked off doing required schoolwork, and his family thought of him as a hopeless dolt.

Movie

Dean called his movie, “You can’t do it.” He started telling the story at a point right before he went in to the high school computer teacher to see about lessons in computer graphic design. He was in the hallway waiting for the teacher to finish with another student. He was very excited about taking the lessons. A group of older students came along and started mocking him. Dean related part of it, then had to stop with an intensity rate of nine. We tapped: even though they think I’m “just” a surfer and that I’m stupid and I can’t possibly learn anything complex and they make fun of how I dress and my hair and my friends I deeply and completely accept myself

no way!

Next he told about going in to the teacher, who essentially had about the same attitude towards him as the students had; and then the trouble he got into when he reacted to the scorn and disbelief in his abilities. He gave it a rating of a “blow-out ten.” even though the teacher was scornful of me and my surfing and

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my long, sun-bleached messy hair and how I dressed and my “scruffy-no-good-dope-smoking-surfer-friends” I deeply and completely accept myself even though I got suspended for yelling at the creeps and the teacher and no-one tried to look at things from my side and I was afraid I’d never get the chance to learn I deeply and completely accept myself

insulted

Dean continues to tell how he persevered. After his suspension was up, he spoke again with the teacher. He was deeply angry about the teacher not “seeing” or believing in him and his abilities. We tapped: even though he didn’t think I could do it and said I wouldn’t show up and said I wouldn’t understand I was insulted and ticked off I walked out in a rage I deeply and completely accept myself

one more try

Dean was so determined to learn that he went in one more time. This time the teacher was willing to give him a chance, but was cynical, and criticized every last thing he did. He made life miserable for Dean, but Dean stuck it out. Another ten: even though Mr. G--- was a miserable unspeakable hole and made life terrible for me and didn’t have one good word for me and said I was stupid and slow and that I’d never succeed and I’m really furious about it I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to have faith in myself and my abilities.

the biz part

Now Dean told about how, at the end of the year’s lessons, to help them learn the business end of the trade, each person in the the class was required to do mock interviews with “potential clients” who would want his services. The “clients” were none other than the older boys who had mocked him in the beginning. Dean was a raging fifteen on this one.

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even though they made fun of me they said I’d never make it that I was really stupid and who did I think I was and that I was a fraud who was only faking it and for a minute I believed them and doubted myself and I feel so sad and mad that I did I deeply and completely accept myself This led to: even though they said I couldn’t design myself out of a paper bag and I’d end up being embarrassed instead of successful and that really got to me I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to forgive myself and them for anything any of us did to contribute to that The embarrassed part was the big deal for Dean. He had been so brow-beaten about his appearance and his passion for surfing that he almost succumbed to the pressure. even though they made fun of me and told me I’d never fit in I almost gave up I felt defeated and unacceptable and rebellious all at once and I was afraid of what my anger could do to them and I was depressed by the thought of a bleak future are all clients going to be this way? I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to trust and appreciate myself and my talents.

cognitive shift

When Dean got to the zero this time, he started laughing. He said, “those guys really did me a favor! I’ve never had any client act the way those guys did that day. I’ve spent ten years in fear that one would, buy no one has. I’ve already been given the bad Time - I don’t need to have it again!” Dean is now enjoying building up an EFT practice, and being received well by his clientele.

Remove the rocks under the mountain and it will go away! easily!

YourMind!


Enlightenment, Prosperity and Creativity Chapter eighteen

WHAT IS enlightenment? How do we get it, or be it? It’s interesting to me that so many people nowadays are interested in “enlightenment.” What does “enlightenment” mean, exactly? I get the impression that some people think that, once we reach this mythical state, we will be Perfect, and we will have the Perfect Life. And stress, friction and “negative” influences will disappear.

In this world?

In a yin/yang universe, where opposition is always present, how can we possibly think that there will ever be a cessation of the pressure from the opposing forces? Or of stress? In actual fact, it’s the nature of stress that holds things together. I’m imagining the structure of a wooden boat, and how the parts have to press against others in a press/pull relationship in order for the boat to have the right shape and the right push against the water for it to be strong, yet flexible, to float on and glide through the water.

opposites

I heard a saying once that life is the co-existence of opposites. Makes sense to me. So rather than a blissful state of la-la, why not shoot for increased clarity, awareness, and the attainment of an appropriate balance of opposing forces? I’d think that might be a little more invigorating than to sink into la-la land, letting the world go floating by. Balance, independence, interdependence, radiant health: aren’t these the things we really want? The ability to fully be who we are and do the things we do naturally and happily, from our Deep Self? With a healthy bank account to boot?

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ongoing process

“Enlightenment” must be an ongoing process. We don’t just get to a certain point and some Being from Golden Land comes and crowns us or anoints us and says, “Well, that’s it, you are Enlightened, no more troubles for you. Good on ya!” No. I believe we grow and grow, and there is always that which came before and always that next level to which we aspire.

those days....

There are, of course, those days when it seems like all I’m doing is going towards enheavyment - if you can have enlightenment, why not enheavy-ment? Or endarkenment? Those are the days that seem like they will never end, and feel soooo painful. It’s hard, sometimes, to remember that those are only issues coming up to be healed and recycled into usable energy! And that it’s best to thank them for coming up - rather than think they’re so bad, trying at once to push them under the proverbial rug. After all, they do present more opportunities to get even more clear! And they do present opportunities to create more love and joy, if we can just see out from under them enough to remember that.

resistance

We’re so used to resisting the “hard” days and the “difficult” issues we live with or with which we are confronted. What if we just said “yes?” instead of resisting? What if we just went about addressing the difficulties as if they were friends bringing us messages - which is, in fact, what they are? What if we cleared away the belief systems that we have lived with for so long that say that anything that feels, looks, sounds, or seems at all “bad” should be resisted? What if we employed the energy we use now to resist for clearing and rebuilding something we’d prefer instead? How about thinking about it this way:

The amount of energy we use to resist is proportionately the same as the amount of energy we will have for our own choice after we transform it!

YourMind!


What if we said, yes, that’s mine, I’ll deal with it - and go about doing just that?

how?

Tap on it. Whatever it is. Identify the upset, make another choice, and tap on what seems to stand in your way. what I find is that what I thought was in the way usually isn’t. I simply needed 1) another viewpoint, 2) a new choice, and 3) the commitment to take action on the new choice to support its happening for me. Tap on everything - it’s a great experiment. Can’t hurt! But notice I didn’t say easy - although I bet it will get easier with practice -

a too-good book! Have you ever had a book that was so wonderful you didn’t want to put it down? I started to read Sheri Tepper’s book, Beauty, a few nights ago. I had been planning to go to a movie, but I just couldn’t put the book down. I read until my eyes were too sandy to see one more sentence, my head was falling into my lap - I looked up and it was 5 in the morning! Egads. Sometimes I do really silly things. I couldn’t help it. It was such a feast of delightful twists and turns, perilous journeys and miraculous surprises! But I was absolutely useless for anything all day after. Good thing the day was one of Gore’s grey, dreary, sodden days of heavy rain and wind all day long. I didn’t feel so guilty then - I had been planning on doing more garden work, but wasn’t about to in all that cold downpour!

reading things wrong

I took advantage of the way the day was going by spending a lot of time tapping on remnants of issues I wanted to resolve. I’ve noticed that I sometimes read things completely wrong: I’ll complain about not being able to do something because of this or that reason, when, in reality, all I need to do is take a short nap. After that, things seem possible that would not have before. I was just tired! I was so out of energy, so out of the ability to pay attention to what it was I thought I wanted to do, that I literally could not have done it if I had tried.

list

So I decided to make a list of all the things I heard myself complain about and then tap on them - after a nap!

YourMind!


I made my list. Then I took a short nap. As I lay there in a semi-dozing state, I saw and felt myself resolving the items on the list, and deciding what I would prefer.

tap on it!

When I got up again after half an hour, I felt more energized. I looked at the first list, and tapped on all the things on it.

always, never, all, none I noticed a lot of “nevers” in the first list. When I see a never, an always or an all, there is usually an illogical, irrational hidden belief at the core of the statement that indicates an energy disruption.

Absolutes

A long time ago my old friend, Lorna clued me in to being careful of speaking in absolutes. I had been blaming an ex-husband for something or other, saying the age-old “he never....” She said to me, “When I hear you say always my warning flag goes up. What are you not seeing?” If I’m blaming someone for something, I’m not seeing my own accountability, my own participation in the event. I never have enough money, you always hit me, I never get my way, all the people who go are..., everyone... - these are blanket statements that indicate an imbalance in the body’s energy system. That imbalance has caused me to perceive the world around me with skewed eyes. I have probably made a few (!) incorrect decisions because of my misperception.

secrets

I participated in a twelve-day workshop a long time ago in Hawaii called Secrets. It was called that because we were all there together to delve deeply into our secret pasts to try to come to new resolution with our lives. I learned a lot from it. One day one of the facilitators was suggesting to a woman that her “big hair” looked stiff and unnatural. The facilitator looked over at me, and said, “Why don’t you cut your hair and wear it in a similar style to Angela’s?”

perception is everything

I had been so attuned to picking up criticism that, even twenty years after I was gone from the family environment where it all started (in my perception), as soon as I heard my name used in reference to something that wasn’t even about me, I said, crossly, “Thanks a lot!”

YourMind!


I thought I had been made fun of, the way I had in my family. But as her words rang in my head, I stopped and thought for a second - “Hey wait a minute! That was a compliment!” Whew! Something to look into here!

opportunities

Perception is important. If I’m disappointed in my life, I’ve missed opportunities to see other views of it. I may be playing a role out of habit. Several years ago, it dawned on me that every time I had a new boyfriend, within about a month, I became ill. I looked and looked at it, and suddenly I realized that I had a pattern that said, if I was ill, or acted out, my boyfriend (or, as in my family of origin, Daddy) would pay more attention to me. Whew! That was a revelation! I didn’t have tapping at the time, but you can bet I watched myself from then on! I became more aware of how I would not be able to say what I needed in our relationship - and then I’d get sick! I worked on becoming braver, able to say what I needed without getting ill. It was scary. I didn’t know how to say what I needed. I didn’t even really know what I needed! It’s been a long path.

disappointed

This is Julia’s, statement, something I hear from her a lot: “I have a perpetual sense of disappointment.” Under it all, despite the successes she has experienced, she feels constant, low-level disappointment. OK, so she could start with, Even though I have a perpetual sense of disappointment and my life will probably never get any better I deeply and completely accept myself, and I am choose to be pleased with myself and my life

Dad

As I wrote the above, I had a picture of my father, standing in the living room of our old house, his shoulders shrugged off at a slump, telling my mother how disappointed he was in something I had done. He had a specific tone of voice and facial expression. I saw that I had that on my own face as I looked at my life. Ha! So that’s where that came from! I was being my Disappointed Father! At myself! Phooey on that! Even though I have taken on my father’s energy, I deeply and completely accept myself, and I choose to be me and only me! And happy to be me!

YourMind!


what do I really need?

I have repeatedly done a lot of self-recrimination. You can call it beating yourself up, if that works for you. Almost always, it’s when I’m very tired and just need a break. But no, I sit there and nag on myself as to what I could have done, what I could have said, what I ought to be doing, how things should have turned out, etc. etc. etc. ad nauseum. I’m still training myself to hear myself say “I never... this or that,” or “I should have or I ought to...,” so then I can see I’m doing it again, and only need to pay attention to what I really, in reality, right at this very moment, need. Most times a little rest will make all the difference!

the quiet mind

The subconscious, or what I like to call the Quiet Mind, is a very highly tuned, very efficient tool. It guides us, all day, all the way through simple to complex actions, until and through the night. But how can it get through to us if we insist on not paying it any attention? It’s easy for me to keep carving a sculpture even past my strength - I’ve done it many times. But if I can remember to stop when I get a little tired, and take a little rest, I can carve a lot longer, and I get ideas I normally overlook. When I do take a little rest, I’ll sit there and soft-focus on the piece I’m working on, letting ideas and images fall through my mind as they will. When one comes that I like, I grab it and write it down, or sketch it. My subconscious mind is coming through with messages I can hear and see because I’m not bullying myself to stay at the job longer than my system wants. I can listen to the Quiet Mind when I am at ease, instead of pushing pushing pushing. I call this Dreaming. Acknowledge the problem. Accept that it’s part of our reality. Why did we accept that into our field? What was its benefit to us? How can we create something that would serve the same purpose, and be beneficial? How can we create something else that would be even better? Remove the energetic disruption Create that Something New and better.

YourMind!


Feeeeeel the Light! This is enlightenment!

prosperity & creativity tapPING for prosperity

When Michelle Hardwick, who does wonderful work using EFT, hypnotherapy, and NLP, came down from Dunedin to teach our Gore group our first EFT class, she also gave us what she calls The Temporal Prosperity Tap (see chapter 19, Illustrations of More Tapping Spots).

It goes like this:

1. Bunch the tips of the thumb and all four fingers together. 2. Start to tap where the right ear (the right ear only!) leaves its connection to the face. 3. Tap next to, but not on, the ear. 4. Go around the top of the ear and only halfway down the back, saying this or a version you like better:

I graciously accept good, joy and prosperity into my life, and all my needs are abundantly met, now and always. Use another statement if that one isn’t exactly to your liking. I sometimes use health, wealth and happiness instead of good, joy and prosperity. Just because. You can look Michelle up at: www.hypnosistherapy.co.nz.

prosperity stories Lynne, an artist, wanted to increase her prosperity, but didn’t know how. Lynne talked about a website a friend told her about called www.prosperityplace.com. It’s

YourMind!


put together by a therapist/EFT practitioner in Santa Fe, New Mexico, named Joan Sotkin. It has a lot of really wonderful information. Lynn said, “I read a lot of the articles in the newsletter. In most prosperity books I’ve seen, I’ve been very annoyed by the fact that the writer assumes you have an income of some size - or an income, period. “Since I have little to no income, I haven’t been able to employ the principles because you always had to have seed money or money you could put away every week. “Being an artist with such a variable income, or one where I get heaps here and little bits for the next few months - it has been impossible to plan or save. All I’ve been able to do when the money comes in is pay the back bills, and hope I get by for the next few months until I sell the next thing.”

it fits

Lynne liked Joan’s website information because it fit who she was and how she lived. She says, “Joan Sotkin assumes nothing about you, and speaks of the principles of prosperity, whether you have an income or not!” Lynne told me how she had been stunned to read: “Joan Sotkin says that our relationship with money almost always reflects our relationship with our family of origin. Well! That would make sense! My family is practically non-existent in my life. I started to look back on, and ask myself lots of questions about, my experience of being a child. Where was I? Where were they? How did it all feel? What experiences did I have that could fit this idea?” We discussed her relationship with her family, and ended up tapping on: even though my family is practically non-existent in my life I was “just” the youngest my siblings were all off at school and I never got to know them and when they were home I was ignored so I never won I was lonely and mad and I had to work hard with my mom because we had so little money I deeply and completely accept myself

mom & sacrifice

Lynne told me about the window-dressing her mother did, how it angered her mother to do it, and how angry she was that it got her such a puny amount of money. She really wanted to be home doing portraits.

YourMind!


Lynne, as her number-one helper, had absorbed the role and the script her mother continually modeled: sacrifice, duty, can’t get what I want, the family comes first, Dad is the one with money, it’s hard to ask for money, I can’t spend money on myself without guilt. If she wanted something big, or out of the ordinary, it was usually out of the question. We tapped on: even though I hated doing window-dressing with Mom and I’m so mad I had to do it and I got no money at all helping her and I worked really hard for nothing she would tell me I was working for my supper it was such a puny amount of money I deeply and completely love and accept myself

big energy

She said. “Every time I’ve wanted to do something that was in the least out of the ordinary, I’ve had to use enormous energy to create it. Quite extreme energy. Yet, I want ease, effortlessness, and enjoyment. Extreme energy and ease - do they fit together?” even though every time I want to do something big I have to use enormous energy to do it and I doubt I can get ease, effortlessness, and enjoyment and I don’t think extreme energy and ease fit together even though big work means big sacrifice. sacrifice myself and my energy and soul sacrificing isn’t even enough I work very hard for little or even nothing and still have to sacrifice more I do the things I love for nothing even though it’s hard work, too I have this duty I’m selfish to ask for what I want everything for the family, nothing for me I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to start to reinvent his now even though it feels like I will never, ever have money

YourMind!


Big tears here, remembering how she’d ask for money and her mother would say, “No, we don’t have any,” even as she stood there and spent what seemed to Lynne like tons of it on food for the family.

through a child’s eyes

She said, “I didn’t understand about budgeting for the family, I just wanted a little bit for me. Seeing through the eyes of a child again, I understand another place in my psyche where the belief that I would never have money might have originated or been exacerbated. “I think about money as if I was a five year old! I still want treats every time I go to the market! And I want new clothes in the fall, when school starts! I didn’t realize that that was when I always bought new clothes, until I started tapping.”

impossible

Lynne continued, “Still, as I’m tapping on having money for myself, it feels impossible.” There’s a huge block and I’m inside of it, immobile. It feels like ice, solid, unmoving, forever.” Lynne wept again as we tapped. I tapped on her while she was really tuned into her problem, so the energy could be released. Even though it’s impossible I’m absolutely stuck in my block I feel cold and stuck I will never ever ever have money like my mother even though I will be stuck forever like my mother even though I will never have a breakthrough I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to have a breakthrough

breakthrough/breakout

As Lynne thought of having a breakthrough, it seemed to her that, “Even if I did have one, it would be miniscule, and I still would have this load of whatever it is. I’d never have a big breakthrough. People won’t respond to my huge new sale on my website; people won’t buy my work, people won’t come to any of my classes - nothing, zero, nada nothing.” Whew! Even though if I do have a breakthrough it will only be a molecule wide it will never be a big one it’s impossible

YourMind!


people don’t want my work don’t want my artwork don’t want my classes I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to have an easy breakthrough today even if it is only an atom wide at east its a breakthrough and I choose to attract money like a magnet I am a money magnet We got this to a zero, and I heard a huge yawn from Lynne. We both laughed, and I asked her how she felt now. “Awesome,” she said. Only a week later, she had a big show in a nearby town and sold three paintings. Her website attracted a sale, too!

the art forum

The style of the forum is very informal: no curriculum, as such, as most of the students are older women who have a lot going on with their families and in the community, and people who have very stressful and demanding jobs - resulting in a lot of them not being able to make it every single time. Hard to keep a theme or schedule going when there’s no attendance consistency. So, I initiated a forum to which anyone can come and do whatever pleases them to do, as well as ask me questions about their work, about art in general, about technique or color or materials, etc.. I also do my very best to give them all real encouragement. I notice that a lot of them tend to have heavy-duty “I can’t do (that technique, draw, whatever....),” and “I’m not (a good enough artist)” limiting beliefs. Since I know from my own experience how deep-seated and crippling these beliefs can be, I use EFT with them to release us all from these limitations, all of us tapping on together on the issues.

I can’t draw! Last week, Agatha came in feeling discouraged and totally uninspired, saying that she couldn’t draw well. I asked her what “drawing well” meant to her. She told us, and since there were several who felt the same, we all tapped on it. even though I can’t draw and I’m nervous and embarrassed and I feel clumsy and inept I deeply and completely accept myself

YourMind!


even though I am uninspired and I don’t have a single original idea and I feel really silly I believe in myself and I choose to automatically have ideas I love Then I gave her an exercise to loosen her up - I had her simply scribble, with no plan, no idea what she was going to do. I could see how difficult it was for Agatha, so we tapped on: even though I hate being out of control and it’s scary to not know what’s next and I’m not sure I can make it up or do this I still believe in myself and my innate capabilities

breaking rules

After diligently making scribbles for a whole half hour, Agatha was loosened up enough for the next exercise: making up a landscape. No pictures to copy, no drawing a “real” landscape! I showed her the conventional rules of landscape drawing - how you never put the horizon in the exact middle of the page - and other conventional compositional rules. Then I showed her how to break those rules. How to next draw a couple of first lines, and make the landscape up from there. She now had a very rudimentary idea of how to create a landscape that would work. We also tapped on: even though I don’t like and am nervous I don’t like rules I don’t like breaking rules, either and I feel scared and anxious I love and accept myself and I know I’m safe and I choose to have fun

success!

After an hour being quiet all by herself over in the corner, she held up a drawing with which she was very happy, even saying she would use the design for a needlepoint in a show next year!

pre-opening blues I was quite nervous about showing my work at an art opening soon to come in a nearby town.

YourMind!


I was part of a foursome of artists from Gore - we called the show Four Friends. The night before it was to open, I felt flooded by self-doubt and worry about not making any sales. I lay in bed tapping: even though I can’t imagine anyone here who will want my work no-one will appreciate it it’s too expensive for them no-one here will understand it I’m can’t possibly make money in this backwater I’ll get stuck here, not be able to go back to the states I miss my friends back there how come so few of them write or email my family never ever writes why do I bother to write them they don’t give a damn about me I deeply and completely love and accept myself It turned out to be about everything but money or art! I ended up feeling really great and sleeping very well.

the opening

The opening was very successful. My past experience of putting on a show has been that if I send, say, 250 invitations, I get 25 to 30 people at the opening. That’s in the States. We mailed out about 220 or so, with about 5 that came back with address problems. We had 60, 65 or so people at the opening! A fantastic percentage! We were so pleased! People started coming in right at 7, the time specified - no fashionably-being-late trips and the crowd just kept on flowing in a fairly even stream till 10. We were all busy speaking to one person or other all night.

nervous

At one point early on in the evening, I noticed that my mouth was very dry, and that my hands were shaking. I felt amped up and nervous, but couldn’t think of any outright reason why. So I stepped outside, looked around to see if there were any people in the street - no - and did some quick tapping. Even though I feel nervous and I hate small talk and am not very good at it I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to feel bright, calm, confident and friendly

YourMind!


It only took a couple of rounds to get the way I wanted to feel, so I started to go back inside. As I did, a movement above me to my left caught my eye. I looked up at the building across the street. There on the second level was a balcony full of relaxing-after-work people, all looking at me! I knew they had been watching me as I stood there tapping. I just grinned and we waved at each other and I went inside.

great work!

The reception of the work was great - many people told us over and over that it was the best show that they had seen at the gallery yet; and we all got a lot of personal compliments about our individual work. And I sold three really nice paintings!

Another show Paintings and sculpture to be shown at a nice restaurant over a two-day wine/ jazz/art festival weekend. Ten artists showing local oil paintings, watercolors and pastels, and a few sculptures. I was the featured artist, as well as organizer/curator of the artwork. It took me two intense, full months of preparation, to get the art part of the show all tied up. The opening day finally came. Friends Maggie and Margaret and I hung the show. We had to use a special kind of hook that was made in such a way that after you placed it on the wall, you have to wait an hour before you could hang any weight on it - so the hanging of the show took about three hours longer than I had estimated. Mental tapping on even though I hate these damn hooks.... By noon we were famished, and there was no food - they had forgotten to make allowance for us having bodies and having to eat! So I sent Maggie into town to get food and more hooks. Tapping on even though we feel so unsupported -

not a comp?

But we got it all hung, and at 4:00 we all went back home to get ready for the black tie gala opening, which was amazing - I’d never seen anyone in Gore all dressed up like that! I presented my ticket for the dinner and found that it wasn’t a comp. More tapping even though I’m so broke and this $35 is half a week’s groceries for me.... I was very embarrassed, as I had thought it was complimentary for having done the complete organization and setup of the art show. If there hadn’t been a lot of people nearby I’d have turned around and left.

YourMind!


More tapping:

As I sat at dinner, I went through the various feelings I was experiencing. It was a lot of old stuff. I work and work and work with no return I am embarrassed to speak my truth I am enraged and hurt about how dishonored/disrespected I feel after having busted my butt for this show I do my best and get no support I am invisible I am unsupported Why bother? I don’t know how to get out of this feeling I still deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to have a good time tonight anyway These are all issues that really had nothing to do with this art show. The show only triggered the awareness of them. The show itself was a success, with paintings selling and rave reviews from those who saw it. We were all pleased.

“TAKING MONEY” GUILT

I was lying in bed the other morning thinking about how my father told me, when I was 7 or 8, when I complained to him about not his giving me an allowance, that if I mowed the little lawn out front, and helped Ma weed and keep the gardens, he would give me a quarter a week. I did so, and he did not. He used to keep a big glass jar shaped like a pig on his dresser top, full of the twenty-five and fifty-cent pieces he’d get as change. Sometimes I’d sneak in and take a few. I felt justified, since I was never given any pocket money, but still felt ashamed and guilty. Yesterday someone gave me a check for a painting she bought from me, and I was shocked to feel guilty to take the money. I saw myself as the 8 year-old with the promise of the money but no money ever coming, and then in the second scene, stealing money from the glass pig. When I thought about it later, I tapped on:

YourMind!


Even though I feel guilty for taking money I deeply and completely accept myself, and I choose to receive money without guilt.

For working with money issues

My experience is that most of us have some very limiting beliefs around money. It can be disastrous to us to allow those emotions, beliefs and outdated values to restrict us. Go to Joan Sotkin’s www.prosperityplace.com, where you can subscribe to her online classes. On another site called www.projectprosperity.org, there is an internet prosperity game that has been wonderful to play. To sign up for that, go to: www.spiritualpartnering.com/ projectprosperity/testimonials.htm.

a prosperity Game?

Our subconscious believes everything it hears and sees. By imagining, day-dreaming or watching tapes and CDs, “seeing” ourselves playing - whether it is the golf or tennis game, or skiing successfully down a slope, or receiving money, we can teach our minds to be good at something we’ve never done! We can install experience by intensely visualizing, dreaming, daydreaming, feeling or thinking about something. The subconscious takes the information and adds it to our experience database as if it really happened. There have been Olympic sportsmen and women who, during injury time-outs, have watched tapes of their sport, intensely imaging themselves in the scene. After healing, they performed as good as - or better than - before. In the Prosperity Game, we train our nervous system to get used to receiving and spending money. You receive from them, by email, a virtual check of ever-increasing value every day for 20 days. You get to feel the attitudes and beliefs you have towards receiving and spending all the way through, and tapping on each issue. It’s a tremendous idea.

surprise!

On about the 14th day of the process we were receiving thousands of “dollars.” On that day, I got to the end of my list of IOUs and got-to’s and want-to’s. I suddenly realized that I didn’t know how to spend the money I had just gotten. I had run out of ideas. I had always thought I’d know just what to spend money on! I was shocked! But there was so much more money than I had ever dreamed of having that I found it very hard. I realized I needed to really, substantially expand my ability to dream up a much larger existence for myself in order to be able to attract the money I thought I wanted. I did a lot of tapping!

YourMind!


affirmations

I started making up and repeating affirmations about money and income. But at the end of the affirmations, I’d hear my mind say, “yeah right,” or, “no way.” That’s called a tailender, when that happens. It’s the real, operating affirmation, while what we thought was the affirmation is only a wish.

dealing with tail-enders Carefully listen for them as you say your affirmation, and tap on them as they come up. For instance: I might say as my affirmation, “I happily create an income of $x (you add your number here) a month.” But my mind objects, and says, “Yeah, sure. I don’t believe it!” So now I know what one of my tail-enders is, and I can tap on it. And I create a choice as well: even though I don’t believe I can do it, I choose to believe it. even though I don’t believe I can create an income of $x a month I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to believe I can, and create an income of $x a month. I do the tapping till it’s down to zero. Then I say my affirmation again. This time, my mind says, “Where do you think that will come from?” I ask myself, what would the opposite, or my preferred state, be? Well, to happily have the income anyway. That will be my “I choose” statement. even though I can’t imagine where the money would come from I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to happily have an income of $x a month As I say “happily have an income of $x a month,” I notice that I get chills down the left side of my body. Usually this means something is true. The measurement is down to a 2, but I notice I have a sick feeling in my belly. But my choice is still to have the income. even though I have this sick feeling in my belly I still can’t imagine where the money would come from I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to have an income of $x a month The sick feeling is gone, and the “I can’t imagine” is gone. But now my throat feels very tight, and dry. I choose to have freedom from restriction.

YourMind!


even though my throat feels tight and dry and I feel restricted I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to be free Big Yawn. I’ve got a one on it. I repeat the affirmation again, “I happily create an income of $x a month.” This time my mind wonders - again - how I can create it. If I haven’t been able to create that before, how could I think I could now? I think about how my subconscious knows better than I do, and lets me know things even though I haven’t studied them outright. Even though I haven’t known how to create an income of $x a month before and I think I still can’t I deeply and completely accept myself and I choose to know how in a surprising new way

done!

Big yawn again. I say the statement, “I make $x a month.” It feels OK. Nothing comes up. OK, let’s see what happens!

the next day -

I just got the check for the paintings I sold at the art show I had in Invercargill. On the enclosed note from the gallery director, she says, “Your paintings comprise one of the best exhibitions seen in the south island for a long time, and it is a great privilege to have a painter of your calibre exhibit with us.” Thanks! That’s very nice! I appreciate the kind words! And the money!

YourMind!


Chapter nineteen

Illustrations of More Tapping Points

YourMind!


relief points 3

1

cup your hand

X

2

down & up the middle of the body: 1. Start at sternum (X) 2. Tap down to top of pubis 3. Tap up and over the mouth to under nose. 4. Tap down to X. Take deep breath. Tap the whole circuit three times using cupped hand. You can do this with or without words. It re-energizes the system.

YourMind!


easy comfort procedure Tap 5 or 6 times on each point as you repeat: Even though I (feel - sick, fearful - insert your own phrase),

I know I’m OK.

1. tap on the bony ridge under your eye

1

2 3

2. tap on the bump at the end of one of your collarbones 3. tap gently in the middle of your chest with cupped hand

4. Then hold the palm of your hand over your heart and breathe deeply in and out a couple of times. If you still feel distressed, go back to the beginning. Repeat again until free from discomfort.

YourMind!


alternate P.R. (setup) points

near outside of nostrils

tap anti-clockwise on chest (start at left, go over top to right, then down to bottom & up)

rub occipital ridge

rub just above armpits

tap under nose

P.R. - psychoological reversal

YourMind!


relief points

tap on Gamut point to relieve pain

tap at outside base of wrist to relieve anxiety (this spot might be sore)

tip of thumb on side of eye near ear; tip of pinky finger on inside of eye; hold/press middle 3 fingers on forehead relieves anxiety

YourMind!


relief points

2

1

3 1. Tap top of head lightly in circular movement (I like to use this at the start of a tapping sequence) 2. Slap wrists together (This one is great to use at the end of a tapping sequence) 3. Slap inside of ankles (So is this one) Stimulates 14 major points

YourMind!


3

the floor to ceiling eye roll 1. Straighten your head so you are

looking forward without angling your head at all.

2

Point your finger at the floor. Focusing your eyes on the tip of the finger, look down at the floor

2. Without moving your head, slowly raise your hand and eyes, keeping focused on your finger tip

1

3. Raise hand and eyes till you’re

pointing and looking at the ceiling That’s it! The whole thing should last only 6 seconds

YourMind!


the temporal tap for accepting prosperity

end here

start here

bunch the fingers & thumb like this, then tap with only the tips

Start tapping where the right ear (use the right ear only!) leaves its connection to the face (as shown above) Tap right next to the ear, but not on the ear Do three rounds, tapping up and around the ear, ending halfway down the back down behind the ear (as shown above), repeating this statement (or a version you like better):

I graciously accept good, joy and prosperity into my life, and all my needs are abundantly met, now and always.

YourMind!


Aloha! Adios! Chapter twenty

adios, aloha - and much, much love to you! By now you have a very good understanding of the basics of EFT. And I hope that, no matter whether you are already a practiced therapist, or a new-comer to EFT, your use of it benefits you tremendously. Many heart-filled thanks to Freda for putting up with my spending hours and hours in front of this computer, only coming out to eat, bathe and go teach my classes - I wasn’t muchfun, but look what came of it! A millionmillion thanks to all the wonderful people who were so good to me in my year and a half in New Zealand as I was working, teaching, and writing this book - your brilliant love made it all possible.

Angela Treat Lyon

Angela Treat Lyon, EFT C-C,

is an Avatar Master; and revels in teaching EFT in the US and internationally. She is an award-winning, internationally recognized artist and author who lives and works in Hawaii. Her oil paintings, drawings, bronze and stone sculptures are in private collections and galleries from China, Japan and the South Pacific to the US, Argentina and many places in Europe. Ms Lyon also designs websites, does graphic design, and writes, creates and illustrates books and ebooks. She has an amazing ability to translate the essence of an idea or feeling into powerful and effective words, images and forms, whether books, logos, primitive line drawings, sculpture or paintings. She teaches select students Old Master techniques in oil paint and drawing. Get her book, The REAL Money Secrets Book - a delightful, light-hearted poke at the Chase for the Mighty Dollar, asking what is important about prosperity? Her website, EFTBooks.com, is the Premier International Source for books (and other relevant products) on EFT, is a must for anyone who is serious about self-growth.

Some small shots of a selection of Angela Treat Lyon’s works:

Here are some of her sites: AngelaTreatLyon.com, TheLandofAmmaze.com, Lyon-Art.com, EFTBooks.com, TheRealMoneySecrets.com and CafeShops.com/AngelaTreatLyon

Change Your Mind with EFT.pdf

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