BUSTY BARBARIAN BIMBOS
2013 Burrowing Owl Publications Text & Layout by John Fitzgerald
Interior Art by Justyna Bień, Anthony Counts, Elodie Fraisse, Ekaterina Kutsyuk, Saimon Ma, Commisar Nyoron, Tracy Lee Quinn, Eric Tang, Francisco Trebuxet, Reginaldo Vicente, and Stevie Young. Variant Cover Art by Anthony Counts, Ekaterina Kutsyuk, Saimon Ma, and Francisco Trebuxet. Special thanks to Amelia, Andrew, Benjamin, Bill, Bruno, Caroline, Corby, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dennis, Erik, John, Julian, Ken, Lauren, Marc, Matt, Overthruster, Rebecca, Squiggle, Steve, and Viral for feedback, playtesting, and other support. Particular acknowledgment to our rst ten backers on Kickstarter: John Coates, Dan Thompson, Jay Tillotson, Matt Silver, TheLurkingTerror, Lysander, Craig Bromwich, Bdashti, Motor, and Christopher Wix. Your complicity in this is a matter of public record. This book would not be possible if not for the sporadic and insightful contributions and criticism of certain elegant gentlemen. You know who you are, though I may not. While every precaution has been taken in the preparation of this book, the publisher and author assume no responsibility for errors or omissions, or for damages resulting from the use of the information contained herein. Dedicated, as always, to the ladies.
Table of Contents
Saving the World in High Heels Assumed Setting Build a Bimbo Bimbo Archetypes Everybody Else How to Make Friends & Inuence Monsters
4 8 12 44 47 49
The Noble Art of Shopping Getting From Here to There Getting Violent Equipment Magic Running a Game Non-Bimbo Characters Exhilarating Example Exploits Several Scenario Seeds Appendix
59 67 74 90 122 129 137 159 172 186
Saving the World in High Heels Histories and legends are chock-a-bloc with stories of brave, strapping young men performing great deeds, guiding human progress forward and shaping civilization into what it is today. This is not a game about them; their time has passed. In Busty Barbarian Bimbos you will take on the role of a skimpily-clad heroine straight from the canvas of Boris Vallejo or Frank Cho. You will tackle formidable challenges without the benet of brilliant intellect, protective armor, or sensible shoes. You will vanquish ancient terrors, dethrone evil despots, and create a legacy that will be sung of for generations, all without smudging your makeup. The world doesn’t need Conan the Cimmerian or Ash from S-Mart; you’re better than that, you’re a total babe. BBB is a game for two to ve players, with one player taking on the role of storyteller and referee (the Game Master or GM). All the remaining players are each responsible for a single protagonist (referred to as a Heroine or Bimbo). You will need some pencils and paper, three or more six-sided dice, some poker chips or coins to use as markers, and a willingness to let some offensive characterizations slide when your friend puts her foot in her mouth. In a typical game, the GM and players collaborate to create Bimbo protagonists, and the GM presents the other players with a series of scenarios their Bimbos nd themselves in. This is essentially a game of group storytelling and make-believe, with a few rules and suggestions for resolving conicts. This book assumes that at least one player is familiar with role-playing games in the tradition of Dungeons & Dragons, but here are a few general guidelines: The Game Master is responsible for describing what the world is like, including the people and creatures living in it and their actions. 4
Other players are encouraged to make suggestions, but the Game Master has nal say over what is happening in the game. The other players are generally responsible for describing the actions of their own Bimbos. They are encouraged to help the Game Master move her along, their ownadecisions and story unique takesintroducing on situations. Being player is not passively accepting the Game Master’s story, but actively participating in it and inuencing its progress. All players are responsible for making play enjoyable for everybody involved. If you have an idea for something that will make a situation more exciting or engaging or interesting, you are obliged to give it a try. Take Let thethen Game Master describeturns. a situation, let each other player weigh in, with the spotlight passing to each player. There are no gaming police. If the rules or suggestions in this book are interfering with you enjoying the company of your fellow players, the rules or suggestions are wrong and you should go forward however you feel is appropriate. When in doubt, do something stupid. No, really. Do something that makes everybody else at the table think you’ve been snifng nail-polish remover. You may create a new set of problems for the Bimbos to untangle, but overcoming obstacles is part and parcel of being a heroine.
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Using Dice When a Bimbo attempts an action that has a chance to succeed or fail, the GM will call for a check against one of the stats. Always roll Bimbo’s three 6-sided dice. To avoid confusing the players, each should have exactly three dice and always roll all of them.
Hey, This Part is Important! Whenever there isn’t agreement in-game, you use a die-rolling system to settle things. The whole game revolves around Easy, Medium, and Hard checks.
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For an Easy check one success is needed.
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For a Medium check two successes are needed.
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For a Hard check, all dice must succeed.
A success is when the value shown on the die is equal to or less than the stat rolled against. If nobody can gure out a stat that should be rolled against, the target value is two. •
Rolling two or more ones is a critical success.
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Rolling two or more sixes is a critical failure.
The GM will adjudicate the benet or consequence of critical successes and fumbles. Suggestions for ruling on these are found in the sections covering the various types of actions. At the GM’s discretion, a player may “raise” to increase the difculty of a roll in exchange for a better result. This effectively turns a success into a critical success.
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Assumed Setting Busty Barbarian Bimbos assumes that all player characters are attractive young women in skimpy clothing that go around adventuring for some reason or other, often involving getting into ghts with enemies that would just as soon kill, kidnap, enslave, and/or ravage them. Adventures do not happen in a vacuum (unless somebody has been playing with a shrink-ray), so there must be a setting for these adventures to happen in and challenges for the Bimbos to overcome. We assume you are playing in the Dark Moon setting, or something similar. 8
Dark Moon, a PostApocalyptic Wasteland
This was once a verdant, fertile, and prosperous land. The men-folk toiled in the elds and protected the towns, and the world was as it should be. There were industries and commerce, high education and the arts. Mankind was at its apogee. Then the Man-Kings rose to power. Using forbidden technology and foul magic, the Man-Kings leeched the very manliness from 9
the air, water, and soil around them, gathering its power and hording it for themselves. The women-folk looked on in horror as their husbands, fathers, and sons withered before their very eyes, their masculine stubble thinning out to peach fuzz, their muscles shrinking away to near-uselessness, their vitality and enthusiasm in the bedroom almost completely exhausted. The Man-Kings and enslaved thousands of subjects to toil in their factories.captured They castrated hundreds and pressed them into service as eunuch-soldiers for their incessant wars of pride and aggression against each other. They thundered across the wastelands in their Ford F-150s and Dodge Rams with the KC lights and lifted suspension kits bringing down wild game with guns and spears and their own bare hands. Grimdark hive-cities surrounded by parched, craggy badlands belch black smoke into the sky. Storm-ravaged seas crash dark waves against rocky shores. Foreboding mountain ranges quake with volcanic eruptions and landslides. Bones and broken weapons litter battleelds ancient and new along the borders between the ManKing realms. Dragons wheel in the sky, vomiting ame and lightning. Under the thumb of the Man-Kings, this is an age of gasoline, magic, and heavy metal. In the wilds, it is a primitive struggle for survival, sorely deprived of the secrets of automotive repair, barbecue cuisine, and other manly arts. In many ways, humanity is now a shadow of what it once was. Continuous war, a ravaged environment, and premature ejaculation have taken their toll on the population. Only one child in ten is a boy now, and only one in ten of them survives to an effeminate adulthood without falling prey to sickness or the Man-Kings’ pressgangs. In the Man-Kings’ territories, women perform nearly all the labor, toiling in the hot sun or sweatshops. The fairest are taken away to serve in the pleasure palaces, temples, and trophy-harems. But not all people live under the Man-Kings’ thumbs. In the icy mountains and deep jungles, small bands of free women live simple but desperate existences. These women rely on hunter-warrior women to bring food to their tables and fend off ravenous dinosaurs, great apes, and slavers.
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On the other hand, with the typical male so thoroughly ineffectual, many women have found a tremendous degree of freedom to pursue their own goal in their own ways. In their small villages, women run their own affairs with nearly no interference. Even in the cramped hive-cities there is only so much inuence a Man-King can exert through his emasculated henchlings, and in the shadows of their authority a female-dominated economy and culture has emerged. Field hockey and fast-pitch softball have become the preeminent professional sports. Underground universities propagate and rene the sacred science of cosmetology. In the hunter-gatherer villages and nomadic bands, leadership positions are held almost exclusively by councils of wise women, often selected for their ability to graciously navigate the troubled waters of social politics. Platinum-haired matriarchs wield their power gently but rmly, guiding their daughters and nieces through the perils of their world. Dark Moon provides a handful of character background archetypes for players to work with, some stock antagonist types for the GM, and a veneer of an explanation as to why Bimbos in bikinis might be running around with axes and swords killing things and taking their stuff. About as skimpy an explanation as one of the heroines’ halter tops. Players are encouraged to not worry too much about canonical consistency.
Reference Material worth looking into: •
The Dark Sun D&D campaign setting
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The movie Heavy Metal
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Every Iron Maiden album ever
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Boris Vallejo art
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Jungle Girl Comics
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The fevered imagination of any 12-year-old boy
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Build a Bimbo
True Bimbos are not made; they’re built. Many are also stacked. You will need to roll your stats, select special abilities, and determine your starting possessions. Along the way you will want to name your Bimbo and form a strong idea about her style and personality.
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Steps When building your Bimbo, there are several steps in the process. It is not necessary for everything to happen exactly in this order, but it is useful to keep in mind what steps remain to be completed and where you are in the process.
A Word on Adult Content Adult content is for mature adults. Busty Barbarian Bimbos is for snickering adolescents. Keep it straight: there is a lot of innuendo and fthgrade humor cooked into the conceits of BBB, but it is meant to be a fun PG13 adventure game, not a vehicle for exploring human tragedy or physical and emotional vulnerability. If it seems appropriate for something explicit to happen, let it happen off-screen and move on.
You may want to print up a copy of a Busty Barbarian Bimbos character sheet from pub.burrowowl.net, use a piece of scratch
paper, or just type up the details in a text les somewhere, but you’ll denitely want to take some notes for future reference. Even with a simple rules system it’s easy to lose track of a detail or two. Stats – determine where your heroine’s strengths lie. Is your heroine the smartest in the group? The most athletic? The prettiest? The most aggressive? Intangibles – a character’s personality, outlook, and personal preferences have a huge impact on not only what she does but why she does it. Special Abilities – pick three abilities that change how your Bimbo interacts with the game rules. These can emphasize strengths, cover for weaknesses, and tie intangibles to the rules. Outt – Select the kinds of clothes, accessories, and weapons that
your Bimbo prefers when adventuring.
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The SLUT Engine A Bimbo has four vital statistics that govern her fortunes during play (not chest, waist, hips, and cup size, though those are important). These stats have a minimum of two and a maximum of ve. The SLUT engine is meant to describe the various capabilities of a heroine in a succinct way. In practice, this means that a given character will be better at some types of activities than she is at others, and the Game Master will need to tailor the challenges she provides so each Bimbo is challenged appropriately and has opportunities to shine.
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lap is a Bimbo’s physical strength and ability to bring the hurt. It’s the aggressive component of combat and moving heavy things. A Bimbo with a good Slap score is going to be excellent at situations where aggression is useful. She can beat down a door, leap over a perilous chasm, or beat the sense out of a mugger. Expect a player with this resource at her disposal to hit rst and talk
later.
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egs is a Bimbo’s agility, speed, limberness and physical reexes. It’s key in shooting, throwing, acrobatics, sneaking, etc. A Bimbo with good Legs is an athlete, a runner, a jumper, a climber, a dancer. She can vault over a wall, swim perilous rapids, and wriggle through tight spaces. Expect a player with access to a good Legs stat to climb up into the trees, shimmy down a drainpipe, traipse across a tightrope, and outrun a charging hippopotamus. hm is a Bimbo’s brain-power. It’s used for dealing with traps,
using technology (if things get sci-), counting, and magic. A clever Bimbo often has the element of surprise on her side. Who would have thought a smart chick would wear a skirt that short? A Bimbo with a good Uhm stat can make machines do what she wants, formulate good plans that can be easily executed, and make sound persuasive arguments.
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its is charisma, attractiveness, style, and luck. These are inseparable to a Bimbo. It’s used for social manipulation and magic. A well-stacked Bimbo is a fortunate Bimbo indeed. A player whose character has a good Tits stat is more durable in a ght. She is able to talk her way out of threatening situations and dominates social ones. A Bimbo with nice Tits will frequently solve a problem by dumb luck as opposed to merit.
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Off-label Use of Stats Most people don’t like rolling poorly. A reasonably-smart player is going to take one look at her character sheet, see that she has one or two really good stats, and will make every effort to only roll against those whenever possible. You’re going to ask, so how should the Game Master try to be prepared for it?
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lap – This is meant for use in being physically aggressive. In a ght, this is very useful, but in social situations it can be a bit of a stretch. Increase the difculty by one step and have the aggressive Bimbo just verbally tear the NPC a new one; the subject of your rancor may be too ustered or emotionally rocked to devise a proper response. egs – Meant to represent how athletic a Bimbo is, Legs is a versatile stat for use in non-social situations. A Bimbo with nice Legs is going to be able to accomplish a wide variety of tasks, but is almost never useful for convincing somebody to act a certain way. In a ght, Legs is used for ranged attacks, maneuvering, and evading. With a Difcult Legs check, a Bimbo can make herself ineligible for NPCs to engage her in melee.
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hm – This is how smart, knowledgeable, witty, and wise a Bimbo is. As with Legs, this is a tremendously versatile stat,
but not always in a way that is directly useful. When approaching a physical task like scaling a wall or squeezing into a tight pair of jeans or stabbing a Rhinoceros in the face, an Uhm check can be used to gure out some other way to approach the problem. A smart Bimbo can reduce the difculty of a Slap or Legs check by one step with a Medium Uhm check
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its – Representing a Bimbo’s feminine appeal and the degree to which the cosmos-at-large favors her over the rest of creation, you should always be able to nd a way to let a Tits check resolve a problem. If a Bimbo can make a Hard check against her Tits score, a physical obstacle is simply circumvented by dumb luck, an enemy distracted from whatever it doing, or something just breaks or falls over in a way that helps our well-endowed heroine. Is this fair to the girls with lesser Tits? Of course it isn’t; don’t be silly.
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Exceptional Stats (five) An adventurer is often known for what makes her exceptional, and if you have a stat at ve, it probably qualies. When rolling dice against this stat, you only fail when you roll a six. Easy and Medium checks are almost automatic, so look for ways to use the Raising mechanic with this stat to get the most bang for your buck.
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lap – You are a powerful, aggressive woman. You are probably the strongest person you know, and are likely a very straightforward, directed, and assertive person. You’re fully capable of murdering somebody with your bare hands. Basic Abilities that complement a high Slap score include Cleave, DTF, and Flex.
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egs – You are exceptionally nimble and athletic. You are light on your feet, have excellent hand-eye coordination, and can outrun a deer when motivated. Basic Abilities that complement a high Legs score include Dat Ass and Dem Hips.
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hm – You are perceptive and clever. You notice subtle things, form sophisticated plans, and regularly outsmart anybody you encounter. You excel at nding ways to make things work the smart way, rather than forcing them. You are alert and quick to assess a situation, though your reexes may not reect this. Basic Abilities that complement a high Uhm score include Ms. Smarty Pants and Watch Where You’re Going . its – The envy of others, held in high regard by society, and blessed by the Gods, you are a seriously hot chick. You’ve got all the moving parts in all the right places. Fortune smiles upon you wherever you go. Small woodland creatures approach you without fear and savage beasts are soothed by the sound of your voice. You make everything you wear look fabulous just by owning it. Basic Abilities that complement a high Tits score include Flash, Likable, Unappable, and Upstage.
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Really Good Stats (four) Only a step below the exceptional, but it’s a big step. One out of three die rolls are likely to miss against a stat of four, so even a Medium check isn’t quite a sure bet. You can perform tasks with this stat with great condence, but try not to get too cocky about it. lap – Strong youhurt don’t havecalled to take shitGetting from anybody, and and can assertive, dish out the when upon. into a ght isn’t always your rst choice but not something you need to back down from. When putting the nishing touches on a character with a high Slap score, consider Basic Abilities like Bounce, Cleave, DTF, and Rawr.
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egs – Flexible, capable, swift, sure-handed, you probably do Pilates and it shows. When putting the nishing touches on a character with a high Legs score, consider Basic Abilities like Bounce, Flash, Likable, and Unappable.
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hm – Sharper than your typical Bimbo, not much gets past you. You don’t fall for sales gimmicks, and make sound tactical decisions. Consider Basic Abilities like Bounce, Flash, Likable, Ms. Smarty Pants, and Watch Where You’re Going when nishing up a Bimbo with a high Uhm score.
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its – You’re a head-turner, no doubt. Good things just tend to fall in your lap because you’re pretty. You’re good at establishing a social rapport with other people, and have no trouble nding a attering pair of jeans. People tend to do whatever you ask. Consider Basic Abilities like Bounce, Flash, Likable, and Upstage when wrapping up a Bimbo with nice Tits.
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Average Stats (three) Nothing to look at here. You’ve got a fty-fty chance of any given die roll hitting or missing against a three. Easy checks are easy, Hard checks are properly hard. lap – You’re not particularly violent,
aggressive, or assertive. These aren’t qualities that anybody would associate with you. Not that you can’t slap a bitch if it comes to that, but it just isn’t your style.
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egs – You aren’t exactly out of shape, but you have never run a 5 km and probably never will. You are competent but not remarkable when it comes to athletics and agility.
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hm – Not the brightest bulb, but not exactly dim, you are somewhat easily distracted and lose focus sometimes. Complicated concepts confuse you, but not enough to make your head hurt.
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its – You’re a good looking babe with some bangin’ curves and an outgoing personality. You don’t cause trafc accident walking down the street, but you can ll a tube top nicely.
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Lousy Stats (two) A heroine’s greatness is often best known in contrast to her weaknesses. Find ways to work around that bad stat, girl.
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lap – Timid, demure, meek, all of these t the bill from time to time. The idea of sticking up for yourself makes you anxious. Abilities that can help a character with a low Slap score include Bounce, Dem Hips, and Likable.
Competence While based on a cultural treasure trove of art and ction that objecties and frequently demeans the female, BBB is not a game about hapless weaklings that are forced into horrible situations. When playing a Bimbo or when presenting challenges as a Game Master, bear in mind that in her world the ditzy Bimbo is highlycompetent compared to her peers and fully capable of heroic feats. She also happens to be a shallow, giggly, self-absorbed airhead.
egs – Clumsy is a good word to describe you. You drop things, your balance is atrocious, and throwing a ball is a serious challenge. Bimbos with poor coordination can benet a lot from Bounce and Ms. Smarty Pants to make things a bit easier when only athletic talent directly applies.
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hm – You give airheads a bad name. You spend a fair portion of your day staring off into space thinking impossibly deep thoughts that you can’t remember when you snap back out of it. You are frequently distracted and have trouble maintaining a line of and Jumpy are Advanced Abilities that can thought. Aggressive help cover an Uhm deciency.
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its – Poor girl. Maybe it’s a self-condence issue, but that bikini just isn’t working for you. You have trouble sharing your ideas with other people or getting their cooperation. Dogs don’t like you petting them. Luck is not on your side. Basic Abilities that can help compensate for a low Tits score include Dat Ass and Flex.
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Three Ways to Get Built Method 1: Random To determine your stats, roll a six-sided die three times. The rst result is the Bimbo’s Slap. The second is her Legs. The third is her Uhm. Treat rolls of one as if you rolled two. Treat rolls of six as if you rolled ve. To determine Tits, start from zero and add one for each roll of three or four, add two for each roll of two. Add nothing for ves.
But that’s math! True, but making a table that shows all the possible dice combinations would look even more like math, so you get this: You rolled a 1 2 3 4 5 6 for Slap, Legs or Uhm, so
write down a 2 2 3 4 5 5 on your character sheet and
add 2 2 1 1 0 0 to your Tits score.
At this point you have a rough outline of what your Bimbo is capable of. If you nd that your character has a zero, one, or six for her Tits score, you should probably re-roll from scratch; your stats are way outside the Bimbo bell-curve.
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Why should I use this method? Because it’s totally random and you never know what you will get when you set out to make a character. Role-playing games provide many opportunities for improvisation and creating narratives, so why not start the challenges right out the gate? Creating a new character is part of the fun of playing a roleplaying game. With dozens of systems available to tickle yourand fancy for meticulous point distribution, optimization, min/maxing, Bustyplanning, Barbarian Bimbos prefers to take an alternate route.
Why shouldn’t I use this method? There are a few reasons this may not be the best route for you and your group. Because it is random, it is possible for one player’s Bimbo to be way better than everybody else’s. When there’s a big difference in the basic competence of two players’ characters, it can lead to a lot of limelight-hogging, hurt feelings, recriminations, and substance abuse. It’s also possible to create unplayable characters by rolling too high or too low.
Example Caitlin, Josilyn, and Brittany are getting together to play a game of Busty Barbarian Bimbos. They agree that it will be Brittany’s turn to be Game Master, and start rolling up characters. Brittany isn’t entirely sure what kind of story she wants to run, but wants to keep it light and spontaneous and improvised. Caitlin and Josilyn start rolling up characters with random stats. Caitlin rolls a two, a two, and a three. This gives her a Slap of two, Legs of two, and Uhm of three. Her character’s Tits score will be ve. Josilyn rolls a two, a four, and a one. Her Slap will be two, her Legs four, Uhm two (we treat ones like twos at this stage), and a Tits score of ve. Both of them note their numbers on their character sheets.
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Method 2: Collaborative Creating a group of heroines for adventuring in the world of Busty Barbarian Bimbos is best performed as a group activity. Have all the players, including the Game Master, gather together where everybody can sit comfortably, serve up some refreshments, and have your play materials handy. Start by making sure everybody agrees who theduring Gamethe Master should be; she’ll providing insight and feedback process but will not beberolling any dice. Each player rolls one die, and whoever rolls lowest goes rst. During play a low roll is a good roll, and the same goes while building a Bimbo. Whoever goes rst gets a choice: She may pick which of her attributes will be best, with a score of ve, or she may select the Ability associated with that attribute. If she chooses which attribute is set to a value of ve, the rest of the people present can talk among themselves and assign a Basic Attribute reecting this decision. Suggestions for each attribute are listed below. If she chooses to let the group decide, the rest of the players select an attribute (Slap, Legs, Uhm, or Tits), and she gets to pick the Basic Ability for herself. Once this is done, the next player seated to her left is faced with the same choice. This is repeated until all players have their best attribute selected. Each player rolls a die again, this time to determine her character’s worst attribute, with a score of two. Again each player may choose to select the attribute from those remaining, or to select the Basic Ability that reects this shortcoming. Each player rolls one last time to determine her character’s second-best attribute, with a score of four. As before, each player chooses whether to pick the attribute or the Ability. Each player assigns a three to whatever attribute remains; no Ability is associated with this. Once this is complete, each player should have a Slap, Legs, Uhm, and Tits score ranging from two to ve, and three Basic Abilities. Each player may now replace a single Basic Ability of her choice with an Advanced Ability. Anybody who is happy with her three Basic Abilities may keep them if she wants to.
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Why should I use this method? By involving all the players in the creation of all of the characters, the collaborative method gets everybody interacting immediately. If you have played roleplaying games before, you know that this phase of a game often involves a bunch of people staring intently at rulebooks instead of talking to each other. Unlike the other methods thisa method givesare you a great dealup of with. latitude in choosing presented, what kind of Bimbo you going to end
Why shouldn’t I use this method? As a collaborative approach, you need everybody on-board for picking this method for it to make sense. If you have players that prefer to make their characters in advance, if you want to to a introduceora new character story that is already under way, this method may not be feasible. Lastly, with a spread of 5, 4, 3, and 2 for the stats, this method is mathematically boring. “Mathematically boring” is an oxymoron, right?
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Method C: Tables Roll a single six-sided die and consult the following tables: D6 1 2 3 4 5 6
Youhave Great Slap GreatLegs GreatUhm Great Tits NiceTits Average Tits
See table A B C D E F
Why should I use this method? Nobody likes having to double-back after making the tremendous personal investment of having rolled a six-diced die three times and nding out she has created an unplayable character. This method has random distribution, the possibility of above-average results, and no possibility for completely-shit results.
Why shouldn’t I use this method? Because you’re rolling and
looking things up on a table like a nerd. Sometimes I don’t think I even know you anymore.
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d6 Slap Legs Uhm Table A 1 5243 2 5423 3 5224 4 5233 5 5323 6 5224 Table B 1 2543 2 2524 3 4523 4 2533 5 2524 6 3523 Table C 1 2254 2 2453 3 4253 4 2254 2353 56 3253 Table D 1 4225 2 2425 3 2245 4 3225 5 2325 6 2235 Table E 1 2344 2 2434 3 3244 4234 4 5 3424 6 4324 Table F 1 3443 2 4433 3 4343 4 3343 5 4333 6 3433
Tits
The Intangibles Discuss with your fellow players and GM what kind of personality and background your Bimbo might have, what her approach to difcult situations might be, what she likes to do in her spare time, how she knows the other Bimbos, and so forth. Give her a name, and write down a description of her. good at description will oftenof include a reference to something she A is good and an indication her approach to that kind of task. The character sheet has a number of features that are not used explicitly during play but can help a player and her group better understand her. Consider these factors but do not limit yourself to them. What are your Bimbo’s dress size and measurements? How tall is she? How old is she? What is her favorite color? What kind of order does she make at the coffee shop? What is her complexion like? Describe her hair. Does How does she wear it at Does the gym? At the beach? At a nightclub? she shave or wax? she have an immaculately-organized closet or leave things strewn about her bedroom? What kinds of aspirations does she have for herself and the people she cares about? These things have nothing to with how dice rolls will be resolved during play, but everything to do with what decisions you will make as her and why you will do so. Throughout play, try to stay true to the core concept that guided you to these answers. Select two Basic Abilities and one Advanced Ability. These will help differentiate your Bimbo from her fellows, and should complement your general character concept. If you cannot nd a set of abilities that suit your character, talk with your GM and other players about creating new ones. Bear in mind that Advanced Abilities are meant to be better than Basic Abilities. If you determined your stats collaboratively you should already have your Abilities.
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Example Continued... Caitlin, Josilyn, and Brittany look over the results of their die rolls, and talk about what these new Bimbos might be like. This is truly the business end of character creation. Both are drop-dead gorgeous with the Tits scores of ve. Caitlin’s character is a bit smarter than Josilyn’s, and Josilyn’s is much more nimble and exible than Caitlin’s. They agree that this is a good distinction to build around. Perhaps Josilyn’s heroine is the brains of the operation, and Caitlin’s is the muscle. Neither has a good Slap score, so they agree that whatever they’ve been up to hasn’t involved pushing people around or hunting. Brittany suggests that maybe these are Urban Bimbos that are running a business together. Caitlin likes the idea and proposes that they are a two-woman crime crew, with Josilyn as the planner and look-out lady, and Caitlin as her cat-burglar employee. Caitlin names her thief “Cassandra” and Josilyn names hers “Debbie.” They discuss Cassandra and Debbie’s descriptions, preferences, and personalities. They decide they met in line at a coffee shop and discovered a shared love of vanilla chai lattes. Caitlin’s character, Cassandra, is a bit of a health nut. She is a vegetarian yoga enthusiast that holds down a day job teaching a Pilates course. Caitlin records Cassandra’s measurements as a 33 bust, 24 wait, 34 hips, with a C-cup bra and a size seven shoe. She has a sweet tooth, indulging in ice cream frequently. She has a bronzed skin tone with no tan lines due to a strict regimen of nude sunbathing atop her apartment building. She has light brown hair with sun-bleached highlights, which she wears in braids while working out; it’s nice and wavy and hangs just to her shoulders when she takes the braids out. Cassandra is a bit of a thrill seeker, and enjoys the company of dangerous people and challenges that test her physically. Josilyn’s character, Debbie, is more of a home-body. She runs a storefront that sells bric-a-brac home and ofce décor, a front for their thieving operations. Though Debbie and Cassandra have equal Tits scores, Josilyn sees her character as more voluptuous, and records Debbie’s measurements as a 38-26-37 with a DD-cup. She wears a size seven-and-a-half shoe, and wears a size four dress. 28
Brittany and Caitlin tease her a bit about this, and they all decide Debbie tends to wear her clothes a bit snug. Debbie is a bit of a schemer, maybe a spellcaster of some kind. She hair fair, alabaster skin and thick black hair that hangs down to the small of her back. She is partial to mixed vodka drinks and champagne, and one of her life goals is to become wealthy enough to develop a snobby, discerning taste in wine. For her part, Brittany now knows that she needs to be thinking about an urban adventure that starts will give Cassandra and about Debbietrealots of opportunities to shine. She jotting down ideas sure and crime and gangsters while Caitlin and Josilyn are completing their character sheets.
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Basic Abilities The following abilities grant you special advantages that not all Bimbos enjoy. This can help make two Bimbos with similar or identical statistics perform very differently during play, and expands upon and celebrates the diversity of our heroines. Please note that an ability that lets you swap out one stat for another is only useful if you have a good value for the swapped-in stat. When creating your rst Bimbo, you may want to look at Method Two character creation and the Bimbo Archetypes for abilities that complement different character concepts and stat values.
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Bargain Hunter Some girls just have an eye for a good deal. Shopkeepers are considered to have zero Plot Armor against the rst Uhm-based attack by this Bimbo.
Bounce Attempts to grab or engage a Bimbo with the Bounce ability at Skin-to-Skin range are made one step more difcult (Easy → Medium → Hard). Attempts to leave Skin-to-Skin range are made one step easier (Hard → Medium → Easy).
Cleave When you hit with a strike, you may make another attack without raising the difculty. Normally striking more than one opponent increases the difculty of both attacks by one step (Easy → Medium → Hard). Cleave may only be used once per turn, and does not apply to wrestling or verbal attacks.
Dat Ass Once per scene a Bimbo with Dat Ass may substitute her Legs for her Tits score. This is usable for all applications of the Tits stat, whether social, shopping, or combat, including Wardrobe Malfunctions.
Dem Hips When called upon to make Slap check, a Legsacheck instead.make On a failure, lose access to Legs for one turn. A Bimbo may only use Dem Hips once per turn.
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DTF A Bimbo with the Down To Fight ability can, upon a successful check to engage an enemy, attack at one degree less difculty (Hard → Medium → Easy). This may be used with verbal attacks, strikes, and wrestling, and can be used both socially and in combat, so long as the attack is clearly aggressive in nature.
Flash Once per turn, when you would otherwise be hit by a combat attack, you may re-roll a failed Wardrobe Malfunction check to negate the attack. Lose any abilities and modiers attached to your top, and your top may not be risked for a Wardrobe Malfunction again until the end of your next turn, when your garment has been tugged back into its proper place and everything is tucked away again. You may use Flash on consecutive turns.
Flex When called upon to make a Tits check, make a Slap check instead. On failure, lose access to Slap for one turn. This does not render Slap vulnerable; the Bimbo simply may not use it for a moment. A Bimbo may only use Flex once per turn.
Likable This Bimbo is just really easy to get along with. Ignore all critical fumble results in social situations resulting from rolls made by a Likable Bimbo. This also applies to verbal attacks in combat.
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Ms. Smarty Pants A Bimbo with the Ms. Smarty Pants may opt to bring her Tits score to one for the remainder of a scene to make her Uhm checks at reduced degree of difculty (Hard → Medium → Easy). Both the benet and penalty for this last until the scene is concluded.
Rawr When you grab an enemy, you cannot let go or be forced to let go while that enemy is capable of ghting back. Other characters may only attack you or the opponent by engaging at Skin-to-Skin range and joining in. This applies both when you initiate the wrestling and when you opt to grab back at an opponent that grabbed you rst.
Upstage When an ally of a Bimbo with Upstage is engaged with an opponent, the Bimbo with Upstage can engage that same foe or foes with a Medium Tits check instead of a Legs check. On success, the ally is no longer engaged with anybody. Upstage may be used in social or combat scenes. This ability is unaffected by the Bounce or Rawr abilties.
Unflappable Nothing much really gets to this Bimbo. Ignore all critical successes against this Bimbo in social conicts, or combat attacks meant to anger or embarrass her.
Watch Where You’re Going While thecheck sameifopponent as an allied you may make aengaged mediumwith Uhm the ally misses a SlapBimbo or Legs-based attack. On a success the ally may make an additional attack attempt and loses access to Uhm for a single turn. On failure, the Bimbo that tried to use this ability loses access to Uhm for a single turn. This ability may be used outside the normal turn order, but only once per turn. Loss of Uhm from use of this ability does not leave Uhm vulnerable; it is simply unavailable for a moment.
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Advanced Abilities Any additional abilities make a Bimbo more effective in a pinch, but some are just plain better than others. The following Advanced Abilities are handy enough that a character probably shouldn’t have more than one of them to start out with:
Aggressive A Bimbo with the Aggressive ability may use her Slap stat instead of Uhm when rolling to determine initiative, surprise, or hesitation. This may be used multiple times in the same scene, should the Aggressive Bimbo lose her initiative for some reason.
Alterations Once per scene, upon failing a Tits check to determine suitability of an item, a Bimbo with the Alterations ability may make a Medium Uhm check as a re-roll. On a successful check, she will be able to modify the item after purchase to make it suitable. The item will be considered available to use after about an hour of work. No additional die-rolls are needed.
BFF No more than once per game session, a Bimbo with the BFF ability can choose one Helpful non-Bimbo character to be her BFF. The character becomes immune to disposition changes in relation to the Bimbo, including those incurred by being harmed while helping her. The character is effectively under the complete control of the Bimbo’s player.
Brazen Disregard A Bimbo with Brazen Disregard may make a ranged attack against a target that is currently engaged in melee as a Medium Legs check. A Bimbo with Brazen Disregard making a ranged attack may choose to strike two targets that are engaged at Skin-to-Skin range (or grappling) with each other or the same third character.
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Friend to the Animals A Bimbo with the Friend to the Animals ability can choose one Helpful creature to be her special friend. The creature becomes immune to disposition changes in relation to the Bimbo, including those that would result from being harmed while helping her. This creature is effectively under the full control of the Bimbo’s player.
Frugal A Bimbo with the Frugal ability may make a Medium difculty Uhm check to resist purchasing any Medium or High quality equipment that is labeled as being “on sale.” She may also attempt a Hard Uhm check to resist purchasing any Medium or High quality equipment that is labeled as “buy two getmakes one free.” A Frugal Bimbo all checks against nancially-themed threats at one degree less difculty (Hard → Medium → Easy) and may take a single re-roll on any fumble that ruined a credit card.
Grease Monkey When called upon to make an Uhm check related to the operation or repair of a machine, a Bimbo with Grease Monkey reduces the difculty required by one degree (Hard → Medium → Easy). A Bimbo with the Grease Monkey ability may opt to risk a Wardrobe Malfunction to avoid harm to any machine she is currently operating.
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Grind Once per turn when grabbed by or grabbing another character, a Bimbo with the Grind ability may risk a garment to make a Medium Tits check. If successful, the Bimbo may make an additional attack beyond what she would normally be entitled to. If unsuccessful, the garment is sacriced as with a Wardrobe Malfunction.
Jumpy A Bimbo with the Jumpy ability may use her Legs stat instead of Uhm when rolling to determine initiative, surprise, or hesitation. This may be used multiple times in the same scene, should the Jumpy Bimbo lose her initiative for some reason.
Just a Suggestion When an allied Bimbo misses with a Slap or Legs-based attack, you may attempt a Hard Uhm check. On a success the ally may make an additional attack attempt. This ability may be used outside the normal turn order, but only once per turn. This is an improved version of Watch Where You’re Going.
Oh No You Didn’t A Bimbo with Oh No You Didn’t that sacrices an article of clothing to negate an attack may reduce the difculty of checks to engage with or strike the attacker in melee at a reduced difculty. Legs checks to engage with the attacker are reduced (Hard → Medium → Easy). Slap checks to harm the attacker are reduced (Hard → Medium → Easy). This benet lasts for the rest of the combat.
Quick Shots A Bimbo with Quick Shots that is making a ranged attack may make a second attack at an increased difculty (Easy → Medium → Hard). If the rst shot was Easy, the Bimbo may make a third shot, with the difculty increased again (one shot at Easy, one at Medium, one at Hard).
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SlapStorm A Bimbo with Slapstorm may increase the difculty of her Slap check by one degree (Easy → Medium → Hard) to strike more than one opponent this turn. All opponents this Bimbo is currently engaged with is subjected to a single attack. This is an improved version of the Cleave basic ability and can affect more than two opponents. Bimboattack with Slapstorm also has targets. Cleave, a successful strike allowsIfa asecond against all affected
Tittiemancy Upon selecting Tittiemancy as an advanced ability, a Bimbo immediately receives a number of Mana Tokens equal to her Tits attribute and may select a number of Tittiemancy spells equal to her Uhm stat. In the long-standing tradition of swords & sorcery roleplaying games, magic has its own section later in the book.
Tittiemancy All Day Upon selecting Tittiemancy All Day as an advanced ability, a Bimbo immediately receives a number of Mana Tokens equal to her Uhm stat. Her maximum token count is now her Tits plus her Uhm; don’t take this Ability more than once, nd something else for your character to be good at too).
Versatile Tittiemancy Upon selecting Versatile Tittiemancy as an advanced ability, a Bimbo with Tittiemancy may learn a number of new Tittiemancy spells equal to her Tits stat. This ability may be selected multiple times. See the Magic Section for more information.
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Outfit Equip your Bimbo with one top, one bottom, and footwear. These can be any garments for the upper and lower body and feet that you can think of, but should be attering to your Bimbo’s better assets. A Bimbo with a high Slap score would probably be happy to show off her rock-hard absbaggy and triceps, a Bimbo withwould a highwear Legsa score wouldn’t wear pants. Ifand your character muumuu, you probably need to consider whether you understand the core conceit of this game and start over from scratch. Garments are important not only for indicating status and fashion sense, but also as a reection of how your Bimbo thinks of herself and shows how she prefers to present herself to the rest of the world. Garments are also used for Wardrobe Malfunctions when your heroine is in peril. Don’t worry about sensible footwear; there are no rules that will punish you for those stiletto heels you had your eye on. Select one Heavy weapon and one Light weapon, and up to three accessories, though you do not have to. Your Game Master is probably going to put you in a violent situation or two, and a weapon might come in handy. You should have a purse to carry things in; most Bimbo-appropriate garments lack useful pockets. Unless your specic game concept revolves heavily around scarcity (and it probably shouldn’t), assume that each character has a place to call home where she has access to additional clothing and footwear. Due to the Wardrobe Malfunction mechanic, it is possible for a Bimbo to go through a fair amount of clothing during an adventure. For a starting character the residence and additional wardrobe should not be anything extravagant; a studio apartment with a small walk-in closet is reasonable. If the GM intends to deny access to such resources, this should be discussed early in the process while talking about the kind of adventures she wants to run. Starting equipment grants no special abilities; you don’t get to start with fabulous magic items and designer fashions unless the GM makes an exception for you. Try bribes, attery, or both. 38
Example Concluded Having worked out what their characters Cassandra and Debbie are going to be like as people, Caitlin and Josilyn look through the Basic and Advanced abilities for things that would help compliment their strengths and cover some problems. Josilyn picks up Ms. Smarty Pantsabilities, and Unappable as her Basic and Tittiemancy as her Advanced ability. She gures Debbie has two sides to her, a somewhat-ighty, shallow socialite by day, hard-nosed schemer by night. When she activates her Ms. Smarty Pants ability, she pulls her hair back into a ponytail, puts on her reading glasses, and is all-business. Caitlin picks out Bounce, Dem Hips, and Jumpy for Cassandra. She gures Cassandra might get into a tight situation or two where her low Uhm score will leave her caught with her hands in the cookie jar. Jumpy will cover for that. If a job goes sour, somebody will have to lay the smack down, and Dem Hips can make all the difference when neither player has a good Slap score. Caitlin decides that Cassandra is dgety, always in motion. If she isn’t in the middle of a task, she is ddling with her clothing or playing with her hair. Brittany has decided to start things out with a heist scenario, and is sketching oor plans while Josilyn and Caitlin talk about what kinds of equipment Debbie and Cassandra will need. They ask some questions about what kind of city they’re
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going to be in, where in the world it’s located and what kind of culture it has. Brittany is open to suggestions, but likes the idea of a faux-middle-eastern oasis metropolis with lots of narrow alleys and crowded bazaars. Josilyn suggests that the city lie at the crossroads of a vibrant trade network. Caitlin suggests that there be a heavy spice and silk trade. They talk about it a bit and agree they don’t really want the game to have anything to do with slaves, drugs, or the Man-kings. With this in mind, they decide on an Arabian-nights-style wardrobe, with velvet slippers and translucent harem pants. Josilyn opts to have Debbie wear a push-up bra, a shawl on her head, and a sash adorned with copper coins. Caitlin has Cassandra wear a short-cropped vest, a sheer veil, and a half-dozen metal bracelets. Cassandra keeps a small curved dagger hidden in her vest and a scimitar at her hip. Debbie has a small can of pepper spray that she keeps on her and a baton that she generally leaves at their shared apartment. They decide Cassandra’s name isn’t on the lease, but that they both have walk-in closets and a jacuzzi tub. They have an extensive kitchen with granite countertops and a gas stove, but neither knows how to cook. Brittany looks over their choices and agrees this is reasonable. She asks Caitlin and Josilyn a few more questions: do their characters spend much time with their neighbors? Do they have day jobs? Do they have any enemies that might make for fun complications down the road? Once they are all satised with their answers, they are ready to play.
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Character Advancement A common trope in adventure role-playing games is for characters to improve over the span of their stories. Busty Bimbo Barbarians makes only a few concessions to this notion:
Better Are youStats kidding me? You’re beautiful the way you are! Don’t let them tell you otherwise. That kind of attitude can lead to serious emotional problems. Your stats stay put.
Additional Abilities From time to time, typically after a signicant achievement by the player characters, a milestone in the overarching story of the game, or a particularly good spa session, the GM may dictate that the characters themselves – not their garments, accessories, and weapons – have improved signicantly.
Replacing Abilities Sometimes an ability just doesn’t turn out to be as useful as you thought it would be. Any time your GM instructs you to add a new ability to your heroine, you may also select a single ability you already had and replace it with a new one. If a character with Tittiemancy wants to replace the spells she knows, she may use this opportunity to completely replace her spell list.
Nicer Stuff Generally speaking, a Bimbo effectiveness by betteracquiring nicer clothes, fancierimproves weapons,her cooler friends, and coordinated accessories. Shopping and treasure-hunting are key recurring themes. Whenever a Game Master is preparing a new adventure, she should look for ways to provide these opportunities.
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Revenge of the Example After a couple of game sessions, Brittany has whipped up several scenarios, through which Caitlin and Josilyn have had Cassandra and Debbie sneak, talk, atter, and ght their way through with aplomb. Each adventure brought with it valuables, and both Bimbos now have a small arsenal of magic items and high-end couture. A couple of NPCs have stood out over the course of these and Brittany hasthat started thread together intoeach a bigger story. sessions, She informs her players theytocan pick events out a new ability before the Silicone Cartel de Novos Cosmeticos (S.C.N.C., or “skank”) sends in their hit-women. Caitlin has grown fond of the cashier NPC from the bakery down the street, Cindy. She was a great source of information and really came through during the lip-gloss riot last summer, so Caitlin gives Cassandra the Advanced Ability BFF. Cindy will always be available to help out with the upcoming trouble. Caitlin also had trouble a few times with machines during the last session, so she replaces Bounce with Grease Monkey. She didn’t feel Bounce worked that well for her, and hopes this is a good trade. Josilyn, on the other hand, found her abilities to be a little too useful for her own good. She cast so many spells her Mana kept getting really low, so she selects Tittiemancy All Day as her new ability. She opts not to replace any of her existing abilities or spells. All three talk about these choices. Josilyn is ne with Caitlin’s BFF ability so long as Cindy doesn’t move into the apartment. Brittany agrees that this all seems reasonable. Brittany adds Cindy to her list of recurring Non-Bimbo Characters she means to use going forward.
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Bimbo Archetypes We all know that each Bimbo is a precious and beautiful snowake, but many characters are likely to reect the timeless Platonic forms of idealized Bimbocity. The following are but a few possibilities, showing howalso different stat how linesacan produce interesting characters to play while showing change in starting Abilities can make two characters with very similar stats very different thematically.
The Airheaded Archer There’s a kind of clarity that comes from obliviousness, embodied by the Airheaded Archer. She hails from a primitive hunter-gatherer tribe that roams the savannas seeking game, where the elder Bimbo-warriors taught her the use of the bow and arrow, to prowl through high grasses unnoticed, and act as protector for her people. Others nd her to be scatterbrained, and really she is.
S@L%U@T$ Abilities: Bounce, Flash, Brazen Disregard
The Brutal Bimbo Wading out of the melee, clothing torn, hair matted, and skin glistening with sweat and blood, the Brutal Bimbo exemplies the spirit that leads to elderly people being trampled at Wal-marts after Thanksgiving. She knows what she wants, and she takes it. If it weren’t for those double-D’s straining against her chainmail bikini, you would almost nd her attitude towards such matters to be masculine. The Brutal Bimbo may have once served in the gladiatorial arenas of the Man-kings.
S%L@U@T$ Abilities: Flex, DTF, Oh No You Didn’t
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The Cheerleader Athletic, perky, outgoing, and cooperative, the Cheerleader is a team player, so long as everybody knows where they t into things. The Cheerleader can have difculty understanding the troubles of less attractive people, and has a tendency to gather a tight clique of companions around herself, often to the exclusion of others.
S@L$U#T$ Abilities: BFF, Bounce, Upstage
The Ditzy Druid Peace, love, unity, and sustainable hemp-based hair products are all big priorities for this Bimbo. She wears vintage clothing, is fond of crystals, and spends a lot of her spare time outdoors working on the community garden or taking long strolls through the forest. The Ditzy Druid has a calming inuence, almost always trying to avoid contentious mon ground.situations through dialog, empathy, and nding com-
S@L#U$T$ Abilities: Bargain Hunter, Unappable, Friend to the Animals
Miss Congeniality Gifted with athletic abilities and a sharp wit, this poor Bimbo always has to work harder than the prettier girls do. Miss Congeniality has a hard time relating to other Bimbos, and has an embarrassing habit of wearing clothes that just aren’t quite cut right for her. She puts a brave face on it, though.
S$L$U%T@ Abilities: Cleave, Flex, Grease Monkey
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The Kung-Fu Vixen A master of hand-to-hand combat and veteran of countless Black Friday melees, the Kung-Fu Vixen is as poised and deadly as she is aloof and forbidding. Though she puts on an air of reserved poise, is assertive and self-disciplined.
S$L#U#T#
Abilities: Cleave, SlapStorm , Upstage
The Prophetess The Prophetess was picked out as special at a young age, recognized her for high cheekbones and taken in by her jungle tribe’s medicine woman, who taught her many secrets of spirituality and cosmetics. In time, her talents and her bosom blossomed to fruition, and the spirits continued to grace her with many intangible advantages. All the young girls look up to her, and even the village elders defer to her wise judgments.
S@L@U$T% Abilities: Bounce, Ms. Smarty Pants, Tittiemancy Spells: Check These Out, Boys, Clairvoyance, Friend Zone, Offensive Flaking
The Urban Bimbo This cunning Bimbo grew up in a crowded hive-city, relying on her speed, smarts, and charms to avoid slavery and manual labor. She works part-time as a cocktail waitress, a specialist at the fragrance counter of a department store chain, and as a smuggler of illicit goods. Her network of friends and acquaintances numbers in the hundreds, but her list of rivals and enemies is growing faster than her collection of designer handbags.
S@L$U$T$ Abilities: Flash, Ms. Smarty Pants, BFF 46
Everybody Else Though this isn’t always obvious, not everybody in the world is a Bimbo. What’s plain as day is that the world is different for anything that isn’t a beautiful woman. Any non-Bimbo character is referred to as an NPC, which stands for Non-Bimbo Character. It’s my acronym and I’ll spell it how I want to. NPCs are not gifted with Slap, Legs Uhm, and Tits like Bimbos. They have only one stat, which reects how competent they are at whatever denes them. For example, a dragon might have the stat “Dragoning (5),” which it would roll against to burn peasants, y, and hoard treasure. For other actions, the dragon would roll against a default target number of 2. NPCs may have special abilities that are similar to Bimbo abilities. For any rule that describes the use of a specic Bimbo stat (Slap, Legs, Uhm, or Tits), the NPC’s single stat may be substituted at the GM’s discretion. Any NPC whose primary concept is appropriate for competent social interactions will make all of its social checks using its single stat. Any NPC whose primary concept is appropriate for combat will make all of its attack, movement, and defense rolls using its single stat.
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How to Make Friends & Influence Monsters A Quick Trip Out Cassandra opped down onto the chaise lounge with a heavy sigh. “I’m bored, Debbie, when’s the next job? Deborah looked at her partner over the rim of her cappuccino. Sometimes they worked so well together, but when the pickings were slim, no so much. “Patience, girl. We can’t just go smashing up jewelry stores if we don’t have a buyer. Somebody’s got to move the goods out of town or things get recognized. Remember when Jenny tried to move that jade necklace? The buyer turned out to be the owner’s sister. That bitch just about blew up... What a scene!” “Well I need to get out of the apartment. Spin class is in twenty minutes, you wanna join?” Deborah crossed the room to check the full-length mirror hung from the back of their front door. She was the brains of their little criminal crew, but it wasn’t entirely a brains operation. They had found they got a lot further with a little improvisation, attery, and some batted eyelashes than they ever did digging through musty blueprints and cracking alarm codes. She pinched her love handles and pouted briey. “I think so, sure. Can’t have you passing me up as the hottest chick in Al Qabab, can I?” “Honey, it’s gonna take more than a spin class to catch you up with me!” Cassandra threw her gym bag over her shoulder, slapped Debbie’s ass playfully, and strutted out the door. “See you there.”
Is it any good to be a smoking-hot babe without people around to appreciate how awesome you are? It’s pretty good, actually, but there’s nothing wrong with having an entourage.
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Rolling for Social Interactions When two characters are talking to each other, asking and answering questions, telling stories, getting drunk and singing karaoke, et cetera, the Game Master and other players should simply go along with wherever the conversation leads. Rules for resolving social interactions are for when two characters are at odds and nobody wants to spend the whole game session working it out verbally, or it is clear that one or more of the characters involved is more persuasive in the context of the story than the player controlling her is in the context of the game table. First the Game Master determines the difculty of the rolls to be made. The more receptive the other character is to the Bimbo’s suggestion or request, the easier the rolls. The Bimbo’s player describes the linemade, of reasoning used, or the kind of attery employed or threats and rolls her dice. If successful, the Bimbo’s opponent is denied her one stat for a turn, and any rolls the Game Master makes on that NPC’s behalf are against the default target number of two. Any successful attempt to inuence a character while she is denied the targeted stat incapacitates that character for the purpose of the interaction. If a hostile character is incapacitated, she is to be considered indifferent towards the Bimbo. Another interaction can be started up to inuence that character further. If an indifferent character is incapacitated, she is to be considered helpful. The Game Master may rule that a character may use a Wardrobe Malfunction or Plot Armor (described in the Combat chapter) during a social interaction to avoid being denied its one stat.
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Dispositions When a Bimbo attempts to lure, convince, or atter somebody into getting her way, she uses one of her four primary stats (Slap to intimidate, Uhm to convince, Tits to ingratiate) to move he opponent toward the resolution she wants. Depending on a character’s current attitude, different options are available in a social interaction. Hostile: An actively Hostile character may attempt to physically leave or attack as per the movement and combat rules, whatever seems the most counter-productive to what the Bimbo wants. A socially-hostile character may make social attacks targeting the Bimbo’s Uhm or Tits. Chang: A Chang character will not take the most counterpro-
ductive action, but can make a Medium check to cause its attitude to degrade to Hostile. A character that is Chang in relation to a Bimbo’s desired result wants her to fail, but is not willing to stick her own neck out to get in the way. Indifferent : An Indifferent character will generally not interfere with what a Bimbo is up to. A character that has recently been subjected to a failed attempt at inuence may make a Medium check to cause its attitude to degrade to Chang. Friendly: A friendly character wishes the Bimbo well in her endeavors but is not going to take any risks for her. Most of a Bimbo’s acquaintances fall into this category. A particularly unreasonable suggestion can allow a Friendly character to make a Medium check to degrade its attitude to Chang. Helpful: A Helpful character is totally on-board with what the Bimbo is suggesting, and is willing to stick its own neck out a bit to see things along. A Helpful character will risk a moderate amount of wealth, a moderate amount of inuence, and maybe a light injury to further the Bimbo’s cause. A particularly unreasonable suggestion can allow a Helpful character to make a Medium check to degrade its attitude to Friendly.
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Determining Difficulty Whenever a Bimbo tries to inuence another character’s attitude towards her or convince them to do something they wouldn’t otherwise do, the Game Master should judge how receptive each character is. First make clear what the player is trying to get the NPC to do. If the is trying trick the NPC, that is ne; the player wants the Bimbo NPC tricked, nottothe GM. •
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No die roll is necessary to get a Helpful character to do something. Characters that are Friendly or that basically already agree with whatever the Bimbo is suggesting require an Easy check to spur to action. Characters that are Indifferent or have a somewhat different take on how matters should be handled require a Medium check to improve their attitude to Friendly. Characters that are actively Hostile to the Bimbo or hold strong opinions contrary to the Bimbo’s suggestion require a Hard check. A successful check against a Hostile or Chang character will improve their attitude to Indifferent.
Depending on how much cooperation the Bimbo is looking for, it may be adequate to talk a character down to merely Indifferent. In other cases, such as talking a guard into letting a prisoner walk free, there is a serious risk involved and the interaction would have to go through to Helpful to succeed. Often the best you can reasonably hope for is that a hostile character can be talked into getting out of your way. Some opponents may be so doggedly opposed to the Bimbo’s viewpoint that the Game Master may rule that even a phenomenally-endowed heroine could not change its mind. That Game Master is wrong. What game are you trying to play here?
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Improving an Attitude A character generally isn’t going to inuence herself away from her initial disposition, so improving an attitude requires somebody else to declare an action and roll some dice. Target is Hostile Chang Indifferent Friendly Current Hostile Chang Indifferent Friendly Helpful
Dice roll is Hard Hard Medium Easy Easy Helpful
-
NPC Becomes Indifferent Indifferent Friendly Helpful
Medium Friendly -
-
Hard Indifferent Indifferent -
Degrading Attitude NPCs are pretty good at shifting their own attitudes toward the negative when appropriate. Degrading by one degree is a Medium check by default. A Bimbo may automatically shift a target NPC to a Hostile disposition through aggressively rude (or violent) behavior. NPCis Friendly Indifferent
Dicerollis Medium Medium
NPCbecomes Chang Chang
Medium
Hostile
Chang Current Hostile Chang Indifferent Friendly
Easy -
Medium Hostile Chang Chang
Hard -
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Dealing with Crowds If a Bimbo would like to inuence more than one character at a time, she may increase the difculty of her attempt by one degree (Easy → Medium → Hard). If successful, she may roll again for a second character. To inuence more than two characters, increase it again,thebut only game roll once for resolving the wholeone group. We don’t want to spend whole session check. When a heroine raises the difculty of her check by two degrees, the maximum number of targets affected is largely unlimited. Anybody who can hear her words or see her actions is eligible. If any of the characters being inuenced have Plot Armor, this is applied individually. It is possible to a mob of rabble without affecting its leaders.
Impossible Checks If these increases would take the difculty past Hard, hold up; this isn’t going to work right. To continue, she will want to do something to justify making the check easier. To affect two Hostile characters with a Tits check (normally a Hard check), the Game Master should call for a Medium Uhm check to modify that starting difculty down to Medium. Because she still wants to inuence both Hostile characters, it bumps right back up to Hard again, and she rolls. To affect two Hostile characters with an Uhm check, the difculty should be modied through a Medium check the instead. If thethe player would prefer to use Slap or Legs Tits to modify difculty, Game Master should require a Hard check with the desired stat.
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NPC Options During social conict, an NPC has different options depending on its current disposition. These are always subject to the judgment of the GM; a character may not have the exact motivations the other players assume. Helpful: a Helpful character isn’t really conicting with the players’ characters at all, and tries to act in their interest. If the opportunity presents itself, a Helpful character doesn’t even need to be asked to lend a hand. Friendly: a Friendly character can make a Medium check to shift its own disposition to Chang if it has been slighted or asked to do something unreasonable, at the GM’s discretion. Indifferent: an Indifferent character can make a Medium check to shift its own disposition to Chang if a Bimbo has attempted and failed to inuence its attitude recently, or if people are being all hostile and aggressive around her. Normally an Indifferent character doesn’t care enough to shift in either direction. Chang: a Chang character will generally make a Medium check
to shift its own disposition to Hostile. No additional action by the players is required to set off a Chang NPC. Hostile: a Hostile character may actively work against a Bimbo. This may take the form of a catty remark, an insult, or even physical violence. It may make a Medium check to render a single Bimbo stat (Slap, Legs, Uhm, or Tits) unusable for a turn. If the character
remains Hostile onisits next turn and succeeds against the stat again, that Bimbo rendered incapable of continuing thestate conict for the scene. If a Bimbo has been affected in this way, her player must concede that her attempt to inuence this NPC has failed, and move on. A Bimbo defeated in this way may not pursue a violent resolution.
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Helpful vs. Helpful Just because you went to the Juice Shack and hung out for a couple hours doesn’t make you BFFs; a Helpful character will only do so much for you. Any Helpful character that takes a risk for a Bimbo and loses out as a result immediately degrades to an Indifferent attitude towards her. This can include destroyed property, lost status, or injury. If the recently-Helpful character has reason to think that the Bimbo meant her harm, she is entitled to an immediate check to degrade her attitude to Chang. There doesn’t have to be a good reason; sometimes perceived slights are just as hurtful as intentional ones.
Forcing a Bimbo’s Hand Whenever an NPC tries to talk a player’s heroine into doing something player seriously objects to,character the GameinMaster should leave itand be.the That player controls a single the game; let her choose to play as she pleases. If a group of players adamantly refuses to be manipulated by Non-Bimbo Characters, the social conict system becomes decidedly one-sided and less challenging, but not everybody needs a challenge one hundred percent of the time. If the player is receptive to her Bimbo being manipulated by another character, good for her! Use the guidelines suggested above with the Bimbo in the place of the NPC, and the NPC in the place of the Bimbo. Use Uhm or Tits (at the player’s discretion) as the stat to roll against. If both the NPC and the Bimbo are attempting to inuence each other, resolve the Bimbo’s attempt. If the Bimbo is defeated, the NPC may then attempt, with the player’s consent, to inuence the Bimbo.
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Criticals & Raises A critical success, whether by a Bimbo or an NPC, should provide a meaningful benet to the character involved. The critical benet should be appropriate to the action rolled for, the abilities and thematic niche of the attacker, and should provoke delight and pride in the attacker’s player and entertain everybody else at the table. Raises are a way for a player or her GM to intentionally make the die roll more difcult (Easy → Medium → Hard) but then treat a success as though it were a critical. This is handled just like dealing with crowds, and can be used any time the GM rules that something you’re trying to do can only succeed with a critical success. A few suggestions for how results can be accentuated: Critical Success when calming down a hostile opponent: the target of the roll skips directly to Friendly. THIS ISN’T WORTH FIGHTING OVER! Critical Failure when calming down a Hostile opponent: the target of the roll takes the opportunity to get a cheap shot in, rolling its next action as one step easier (Hard → Medium → Easy). YOU’RE TALKING YOURSELF IN CIRCLES! Critical Success when trying to get cooperation from an Indifferent target: the target of the roll skips directly to Helpful. A GREAT IDEA WELL-PRESENTED! Critical Failure when trying to get cooperation from an Indifferent or Friendly target: the Bimbo manages to undermine her own position, casting doubt on the whole idea. BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD! Critical Failure when calming down a Chang creature: just when everything was going so well, it bites your hand. The creature’s attitude degrades immediately back to Hostile. RIP AND TEAR! When circumstances inspire a better idea for a benet: whatever seems appropriate. IT’S YOUR GAME, DO WHAT YOU WANT! 57
Winning The Game Master is encouraged to let the Bimbos have their way if there is any reasonable interpretation of the NPCs involved having a good enough attitude to allow it. Chang or Hostile is almost never positive enough to merit a victory, but Friendly or Indifferent often are; it depends on what is being asked of them. It should only be necessary to improve an NPC’s attitude to Helpful if it is being asked to take what it considers to be a risk. If it is clear that the Bimbos are winning the NPC over to their side, the Game Master should concede the point.
Losing From time to time, even a charismatic heroine’s attempts to get cooperation or compliance will stall and zzle out. If a character remains Chang or Hostile to a Bimbo’s intentions for more than three turns in a row, or if things are clearly going around in circles, the GM may rule that the current line of persuasion is simply not working. The GM may select a single stat from the Bimbo’s character sheet to consider unusable for the rest of the scene. When a Bimbo has no stats left to talk her way through a situation, she will have to try something else entirely or resort to violence.
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The Noble Art of Shopping “The sense of being perfectly well-dressed a feeling of tranquility that religion isgives powerless to bestow.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Suzee’s Vintage Clubwear Dawn broke over the strip mall, the harsh desert sunlight glaring off the brushed-aluminum and glass of Suzee’s Vintage Clubwear. The job the night before hadn’t gone as planned. Sure, the caravan had stopped off at the Flying J for water and some trucker meth, allowing Cassie to sneak unnoticed into the spice-merchant’s wagon. That part was just ne. Good work scouting things out, Debbie. But how the hell did she miss the half-dozen baboons that were leashed to the product? The half-dozen half-starved, half-crazed, fully-psychopathic baboons? Cassie looked down at her skirt and frowned; those stains are never going to come out. Pushing back her anger, Cassandra reminded herself that she is a hard-boiled cat burglar and a ruined micro-mini is just the cost of doing business. She swung open the boutique door and sauntered in like she owned the place.
Retail Conflict
Combat is a standard trope of role-playing games, but to address the conicts that really matter to Bimbos, one must look to the acquisition of quality garments and accessories that coordinate well, atter her gure, and provoke arousal in men and envy in other women. In the bazaars and boutiques and malls, the canny Bimbo stalks her prey: irty skirts, sexy lingerie, hoop earrings, clutch handbags, and that perfect pair of strappy heels. The material rewards of the world are many and varied, and between a Bimbo and her prize lay many a challenge.
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Selection Those boots look fabulous, and match this belt perfectly, and are so this season, but do they t?
Verisimilitude Verisimilitude is a really big word that has no place in this game. It should be entirely possible for a strip mall or boutique vintage
After the Game Master has consignment shop to appear in places that may not strictly make given a description of the sense. Is there a Starbucks located merchandise available, any in the hall of the Ice Witch? Of Bimbo looking to acquire a course there is; where else are new Top, Bottom, or Footyou going to get that skinny iced wear may make a Medium latte you got a craving for while Tits check to tell whether locked in combat with a platoon there is an item that is suitof Disco Yetis? Peets? Please. able for her. Bimbos will not purchase unsuitable items; that is the kind of thing skanks and hobos do. If more than one Bimbo succeeds, it is assumed that the same item is suitable for both of them. Somebody’s going to have to go without. For each critical success, there is an additional suitable copy of the item available, possibly resulting in one for everybody. Suggestions and guidelines for creating suitable items for a merchant to have in stock are available in the Equipment Chapter. Game Masters are encouraged to provide shopping opportunities with some regularity, both as rewards and challenges for the Bimbos. The rumored availability of a particular item can be a powerful plot hook for a girl that doesn’t want to have that last-season look. A discerning Bimbo, or one who is simply very condent of her Tits stat or dice luck, may raise the difculty of her roll to nd a superior-quality item, with a special ability as described in the Magic Item Properties section. The GM should familiarize herself with the properties available so she can better improvise such unplanned bounties.
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Rivals & Opponents “Women dress alike all over the world: they dress to be annoying to other women.” – Elsa Schiaparelli In a busy mercantile district, there are frequently more shoppers than suitable goods available. Supply & demand would dictate that this would drive up the cost of the goods and price some of the shoppers out of the market. But economic theories are for nerds, not Bimbos. When there are too many shoppers for the available supply, conict ensues. There is no time when players’ Bimbos are more likely to nd themselves at odds with each other as during a shopping expedition. Direct conict between players should be handled judiciously and even-handedly, and can be a true challenge for a Game Master to make fair and fun for everybody. The struggle to gain possession of an item can be intense, and is not for the faint of heart. To the victors go the spoils, and the vanquished are left to pick through the factory rejects in the bargain bin.
Shopkeepers & Clerks Having successfully found just the right garment, accessory, polearm, or what-have-you, the intrepid Bimbo must overcome one nal hurdle before permanently claiming ownership of her prize: the staff. You might expect that overcoming a shopkeeper would be a simple matter of discerning the amount of money the shopkeeper demands for her wares, then produce that amount of money and subtract it from the amount of money your Bimbo has on her. There are two problems with this view of things: •
Bimbos aren’t any good with managing money
•
Keeping track of how much money your Bimbo has is math
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The interaction between a Bimbo and a shopkeeper is essentially another conict as between multiple shoppers. This conict is treated as beginning immediately after the Bimbo’s last remaining rival has been subdued, with no opportunity to recover unavailable stats or garments lost to Wardrobe Malfunction before the interaction with the shopkeeper. Certain magic items (such as a Masterwork Creditconict. Card) are specically only useful during a Bimbo vs. Shopkeeper Once the shopkeeper has been subdued, the Bimbo is considered the owner of the item in question and may benet from any special abilities it may confer.
Shoplifting From time to time a Bimbo will have problems with a particularly canny shopkeeper, a mishap involving credit limits and compound interest, or is otherwise denied her prize. In such situations, a Bimbo may attempt to steal victory from the jaws of defeat by simply snatching the item and running for it. See the Fleeing rules in the Getting From Here to There chapter for applicable rules. If a Bimbo attempts to get away with an item without rst defeating the shopkeeper, the shopkeeper may attack the item itself. Any time the shopkeeper wins or ties an opposed check while resolving the attempt to ee, she may attempt a Medium check. If successful, the item or items being stolen are ruined. Whether she gets away with the item or not, the shoplifter makes a single Tits check. On a fumble, the cops show up, and your adventure may have to switch from Busty Barbarian Bimbos to Sexy Chicks in Cellblock Six.
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Nothing to Wear Regardless of the size of a Bimbo’s wardrobe, from time to time she will nd that she simply has nothing to wear. It does not matter if she just went shopping yesterday; her old cloths won’t do. Whenever a scene change would reasonably result in a player character changing check. her clothes, the game master may call for an Easy Tits On a successful roll the Bimbo was able to assemble and outt that she has condence in. On a failure, she has nothing to wear. Note this on the Bimbo’s character sheet. Until she successfully acquires at least one new garment, she cannot benet from a critical success. At the GM’s discretion, circumstances can allow for a re-roll. Perhaps you had nothing to wear to brunch, but have something just right for attending a concert that evening. Reasons to call for a wardrobe check include: •
Waking up
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Going to bed
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Going out with friends
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Going out with enemies
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Going to work
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Going to the gym
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Gearing up to go challenge the Witch Queen
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The weather changed
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A garment has been lost through Wardrobe Malfunction
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Things didn’t go very well last scene and she needs a reset
•
Things went very well last scene and she deserves a reset
•
The player wants to go shopping
Upon successfully acquiring a new garment, the Bimbo may again benet from critical successes. 65
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Outside of conict, movement happens at the Game Master’s discretion. If you need to walk down the street to stop
Getting From Here to There
by that nice café you heard about, it simply happens. Rules for movement are mostly used when trying to engage socially with somebody that does not want to speak with you, trying to disengage with somebody you don’t want to speak with, overcoming an obstacle, or during a ght. You cannot generally can’t expect a Bimbo in high heels to walk for more than an hour or two at a time; those things are uncomfortable.
Engaged or Disengaged?
During a conict, all characters involved are either engaged with an opponent or not. If engaged with another character, they may freely inuence each other. If not engaged with another character, neither can directly inuence how the other is moving. In ghts, some weapons or spells allow attacks against rivals that the attacker is not currently engaged with. When engaged with another character, a Bimbo is at one of two ranges. Some abilities only work at certain ranges. Normal – Plant yourThat’s back foot, lunge forward your leading hand all the way out. the furthest Normalwith range goes. At this distance you can hold a conversation without raising your voice, make it hard to avoid eye contact, or even slap a bitch. Skin-to-Skin – Close enough that avoiding physical contact is basically impossible. Only the most oblivious of airheads could possibly ignore somebody at Skin-to-Skin range. Close talkers prefer this range, and this is where almost all forms of grappling and dirty dancing happens. 67
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Who Goes First? One Game Master can only handle so many Bimbos’ input at once, so everybody is going to have to take turns. When everybody has an idea of what they want to be doing at the moment, the Game Master should have each other player make a Medium Uhm check. This can be thought of as an initiative check, alertness check, or perception roll, and is meant to determine which characters, if any, currently have their acts together enough to do something useful at the moment. On a failed roll, the Bimbo hasn’t caught up to her player just yet, and hesitates or is preoccupied with something else. She can try again next turn. Players are encouraged to come up with entertaining reasons why their heroines aren’t usefully responsive. Of the Bimbos whose checks succeeded, the one with the highest Tits score goes rst. Why doesn’t the Bimbo with the highest Uhm go rst? I don’t know, why wasn’t the smartest girl at your school prom queen? Non-Bimbo Characters always act after Bimbos. Any Bimbo that is subjected to an attack is allowed an additional Uhm check. If a Bimbo is engaged at Skin-to-Skin range, her Uhm checks to overcome hesitation and distraction are reduced to Easy. A Bimbo that is harmed or inuenced by an action is considered to have automatically succeeded her Uhm check, and may participate normally in the action again. If the player characters attempt to ambush, surprise, or otherwise bamboozle an NPC, the Game Master may use its One Stat if she deems it appropriate. Many wild animals are very alert to their surroundings. Many soldiers and bodyguards and bathroom attendants are very much not.
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Engaging an Opponent Characters are either engaged with another character or not; don’t spend a lot of time tracking distances and stuff. That’s complicated. If two characters aren’t engaged and one of them wants to change that, she may make a Medium Legs check to close the gap. Failure means that her opponent outmaneuvered her. NPCs use whatever their stat is, as usual. The person being engaged may opt to concede the engagement and just skip the die roll. When a Bimbo engages an opponent, she may immediately make a check to inuence or attack the NPC as if they had already been engaged at the beginning of her turn. An NPC that successfully engages an opponent may immediately take an action if the GM deems it appropriate.
Disengaging Opponent from an Once engaged, a Bimbo may disengage with a Medium Slap, Legs, or Tits check. This represents her shoving, dodging, or blufng her way out of the situation. If there are multiple opponents engaged, a Hard check is required instead. You can think of this as a use of the Raising mechanic to affect more than one opponent with a single action. If a Bimbo successfully disengages an opponent, she may immediately take a Legs-based action or attempt to engage a different opponent as described above. It is possible for a single character to disengage from one opponent, then engage and inuence or attack a second opponent during the same turn; it is not necessary to use the Raising mechanic for this purpose.
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Fleeing & Chasing When outnumbered or outclassed or just plain scared, running away can be a very attractive option. To completely escape an opponent that she does not wish to confront, a Bimbo may opt to run away. This requires a series of challenges; eeing isn’t just a matter of speed, speedopposed is important. A to eeing character at two though out of three checks escape pursuit. must succeed •
•
•
First roll the Bimbo’s Uhm to have her pick a good escape route. Next roll the Bimbo’s Legs to get some space between her and her pursuers. Finally roll either Slap or Tits to overcome some obstacle that sets the pursuers back enough that the pursuit is effectively over. The stat used is up to the eeing character’s player.
For each check, roll once for the Bimbo, and once for all of her pursuers. If they both succeed, roll again. If the Bimbo fails and the pursuers succeed, she is stuck in combat for another round and they may act normally. If the Bimbo succeeds and her pursuers fail, move on to the next check. A eeing Bimbo may use a Wardrobe Malfunction to treat her pursuers’ last roll as a failure. A eeing Bimbo may voluntarily raise the difculty of her next check. On a successful raised roll, treat her pursuer’s roll as a failure.
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Criticals, Raises, & Movement Any time you roll the dice, you may end up with a critical success or failure. These should provide some useful advantage or signicant disadvantage. Critical success when engaging one of several opponents: the moving character may engage one additional opponent of her choice. I’LL TAKE YOU ALL ON! Critical success when disengaging from an opponent: the moving character may perform another action upon disengaging, including a parting action against the opponent she just left. HIT & RUN! Critical success when engaging an opponent that is already engaged with an ally: the moving character automatically anks the opponent, with PLACE! all the benets that entails. BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD Critical failure when engaging one of several opponents: target is engaged, but may leave engagement on its turn with no roll; moving character does not get to act. OH CRAP, I FORGOT WHAT I WAS DOING! Critical failure when disengaging from an opponent: the moving character fails to disengage, and actions against her are one step easier for a turn (Hard → Medium, Medium → Easy). DON’T LEAVE JUST YET! Critical failure when engaging an opponent that is already engaged with an ally: the moving character not only fails to engage the opponent, but forces her ally to disengage as well. MAY I HAVE THIS DANCE? As always, when adjudicating critical successes and failures, the GM’s discretion applies. For example, reducing the difculty of a check when it’s already Easy, or making it harder when it’s already Hard doesn’t make a heck of a lot of sense. 72
Grids / Hex Maps From time to time, the GM may nd it convenient to use a map to present the details of how various terrain features and characters are positioned during a tactical situation. In this case, assume that each square or hex is one yard or meter, and that each Bimbo may move four squares orMoving hexes plus stat asispart of a normal Medium Legs check. halfher thatLegs distance an Easy Legs check. Moving twice that distance is a Hard Legs check. All counting of movement should be performed by the GM. If everybody at the table agrees to a given move action, any character may move anywhere on the map. Rolling dice and counting should be resorted to only when there is an objection.
Movement Example Brittany calls for an Uhm check. “What’s up?” asks Caitlin, reaching for her dice. “We don’t know yet,” Josilyn volunteers. “Exactly,” Brittany nods sagely. Both players succeed. Brittany smiles wickedly and informs them “Kachiko Huchimama, headmaster of the French Maid Ninja Academy just came in through the discotheque’s front door. It looks like she knows Cassie and Debbie are there, and is walking right towards you.” “Oh crap, we were supposed to have that commemorative plate delivered to her last Friday,” groans Caitlin. “I don’t think this is the time for it, honey. Let’s blow this party,” Josilyn suggests. “So you’re eeing?” Brittany asks. “You bet,” conrms Caitlin. “Let’s get a couple more Uhm checks, ladies!” Both players successfully spot a rm exit over near the ladies’ room. “Legs checks, please,” Brittany prompts. It takes a couple of tries, with Brittany rolling well for Kachiko, but nally Caitlin succeeds, with Cassandra managing to slip through the crowded dance oor and getting to the door. Josilyn is not so lucky. She’s jammed up by some twerking skank backing up into Debbie, cutting her off from Cassandra.
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Getting Violent Sometimes Bimbos get into ghts. In Busty Barbarian Bimbos they get into ghts a lot. Life-or-death combat, where the stakes aren’t retail merchandise, is handled fundamentally the same as between rivals as a store or dinner party. The consequences of being incapacitated may be somewhat more severe, and weapons are more likely to come into play. This isn’t always apparent, but there are some situations that come up in combat that only very rarely occur during a shopping expedition.
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Attack An attack is any gambit, be it rhetorical, psychological, or physical, meant to gain advantage or harm your opponent. There are three general ways that characters attack each other in Busty Barbarian Bimbos: Verbal Attacks, Striking, and Wrestling. Other means of attacking may come to mind during play, but you’ll have to wing it; these rules to do not cover everything anybody could ever conceivably do.
Verbal Attacks The chapter on How To Make Friends & Inuence Monsters revolved around getting another character to get along with you. When things are thoroughly hostile, weapons are bared, and people are about to die, this may not be the social outcome you want any more. Maybe you want the other character to get along with you by never showing her stupid face in your presence any more. A Bimbo or NPC may attempt to confuse or insult an opponent into inaction by shifting its attitude from Hostile to Indifferent temporarily. This requires a Hard check made with the Uhm or Tits stat. An Indifferent character in the middle of a ght may be considered to have lost her initiative, and will need to make an Uhm check on her next turn in order to act meaningfully, skipping past Chang and becoming Hostile again if there is still a ght going on. No physical damage is caused by a verbal attack, but this is the form of combat that can eventually lead to years of therapy, eating disorders, ruined relationships, and secret cutting if taken to extremes. If everybody on one side of a ght is Indifferent at the same time, the ght is over, though the social conict may proceed if appropriate. Any more aggressive behavior may shift things back towards Hostile, but that’s basically picking another ght entirely. To verbally attack someone, you must rst engage your target. A character can avoid verbal attacks using the Fleeing rules.
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Striking Perhaps the most straight-forward way to attack another character, striking involves using a weapon (such as a spear, hammer, golf club, or st) to inict physical trauma on an opponent. Striking another character will nearly always cause its disposition to degrade (from Helpful → … → Hostile). For the purposes of the rules, striking includes attempts to poke, jab, bash, stab, slash, abrade, cut, kick, scratch, bite, elbow, punch, impale, eviscerate, headbutt, knee, gouge, karate-chop, shoot, or otherwise attempt to physically harm something or someone without grabbing her. To strike, a Bimbo or NPC rolls a check with the appropriate stat. Striking is normally done with a Medium check, but circumstances may increase or decrease the difculty. Attacking with a hand-held weapon uses the Slap stat. Attacking with a ranged weapon uses the Legs stat. Some weapons should only be used as specic ranges (Unengaged, Normal, or Skin-to-Skin). Using a weapon at an inappropriate range is effectively a use of the Raising system. For example, maybe you take a spear that’s meant to be used at Normal range and try to hit something that’s at Skin-toSkin range. That’s not a Medium check any more, that’s Hard. You may be better served changing the range you’re currently engaged at. You can move and strike in the same turn, so go for it. See the Getting From Here to There chapter for guidelines on engaging and disengaging.
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Wrestling Any time a hot chick gets into a ght and there’s no grabbing, tugging, squeezing, and squirming involved, everybody is left somewhat disappointed. Don’t let this happen to you. A character with an empty hand (or any other suitable appendage) may attempt to grab hold of a rival with a successful Slap check against an opponent that is at Normal or Skin-to-Skin range. The grabbing character and the target are now at Skin-to-Skin range. A character initiating a grab must already be engaged with her target. While grabbing, a character has a few options: •
•
She may make a Medium Slap check to choke out, crush, or joint-lock the grabbed opponent. She may make a normal attack against any character she is currently engaged with at Skin-to-Skin range. Some weapons or abilities do not work at this range.
•
She may release the grab.
•
While grabbed, a character has a few options:
•
•
•
•
She grabs her opponent right back. Both characters are considered to be grabbed and grabbing at the same time. She may accept that she is grabbed and join in on the fun. She may attempt to break the grab but stay engaged at Skin-toSkin range with a Medium Slap or Legs check. She may attempt to break the grab and completely disengage with a Hard Slap or Legs check. 77
Anybody involved in a grab can only attack other characters if she is engaged with them at Skin-to-Skin range. It is possible for multiple characters to grapple each other simultaneously. If there is oil, JELL-O, or mud present in sufcient quantities, the GM may allow a Bimbo to use her Tits score instead of Slap or Legs when grabbed or grabbing. For this reason it may be advisable for characters with good Tits scores to carry baby oil. When initiating a grab, a character doesn’t normally get to follow up immediately. Your opponent normally has a chance to squirm free before you put the DDT on her. The Rawr and Grind abilities improve use of this generally-avail-
able maneuver.
Other Circumstances There are a million things that could happen in the middle of a ght. Somebody might tip a jukebox onto an antelope’s foot. A pitcher of sweet iced tea could be hurled onto a group of combatants locked in a grapple. You just never know until it happens. Generally speaking you’re looking to increase or decrease the difculty of a roll based on the situation. Sometimes it makes sense to switch which stat should be used. The following are suggestions for how the general rules can be adjusted to accommodate clever and inventive players:
Pushing A character at Skin-to-Skin range may make a Medium Slap check to shove her opponent away. Upon success, the pushing character may select a new range (Normal or unengaged) for herself and her opponent. If she chooses unengaged range, the target is considered to be not engaged by any other character in melee. The Upstage ability is an improved version of this generally-available maneuver.
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Fighting in the Dark Many wild creatures and several supernatural monsters prefer to hunt their prey by the gloom of night. When the lighting in an area is sufciently poor, the Game Master may rule that the Bimbos are ghting blind. When engaged at Skin-to-Skin range, there is no penalty for ghting without being able to see your opponent. You know where your opponent is; you’re rubbing up against her. At any other range, it is a bit more difcult to make an effective attack. To locate an opponent, a Bimbo must make a Medium Uhm check every turn, followed by a Normal Legs check to re-engage at her preferred range. Outside Skin-to-Skin range, all attacks become one step harder (Easy → Medium → Hard). This penalty also applies to ranged weapons such as bows, javelins, or rocket launchers.
Tripping A character at Skin-to-Skin range may make a Medium Slap or Legs check to knock her opponent prone. Upon success, the target remains engaged at the same range, but must make a Medium Legs check to simply stand up, or a Hard Legs check to stand up and attack. Normally it doesn’t take a roll to stand up, characters do this all the time as a matter of course, but during a tussle her opponent is probably trying to keep her down and things aren’t quite so simple. All melee attacks against a prone character are one degree simpler than normal (Hard → Medium → Easy). All melee attacks made by a prone character are one degree more difcult (Easy → Medium → Hard). These modiers offset if both the attacker and target are prone. Attempts to disengage from a prone opponent require no roll. Unless she’s wrestling you.
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Mounted Combat Whether riding a motorcycle or straddling a dinosaur, being mounted has its perks and perils. The trickiest part to mounted combat is the mount itself. Most animals aren’t interested in doing anything dangerous, and vehicles like motorcycles and jet skis are hard to maintain with manicured nails. Any time aHard mount damage, it willorrequire Titsreceives check (if a creature) a Harda Uhm check (if a machine) to coax it into doing anything useful again.
Movement & Mounts All Legs checks to engage or disengage while mounted are performed with the mount’s One Stat. Disengaging from melee while mounted is one step simpler than normal (Hard → Medium → Easy).
Ranges & Mounts Engagement between a character on foot and a character on a mount must be at Normal range. A Bimbo on foot may engage another combatant’s mount at Skin-to-Skin range, but not a rider. Does this mean that a Bimbo can wrestle a horse to the ground? Yes. This does not necessarily force a rider to dismount. At the Game Master’s discretion, it may be possible to join the rider on her own mount through acrobatics, cunning, and excellent timing. This may be considered a use of the Raising mechanism on the Legs check used to engage.
Losing a Mount A Bimbo may make an Easy Legs check on her turn to voluntarily dismount. If a mount is incapacitated during a ght, the Bimbo must make a Hard Legs or Uhm check to avoid being hurt in the fall. A falling mount is treated as a Medium attack against the Bimbo’s Legs stat.
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An Uncooperative Mount A living mount is a Helpful non-Bimbo character itself, and being harmed during a ght will normally cause its attitude to shift to an Indifferent attitude towards the Bimbo that got it hurt. An Indifferent creature will not immediately heed instructions, and may attempt to wander away. A Bimbo attempting to ride an Indifferent creature must engage it socially to return its disposition to Helpful. A Chang creature may attempt to throw its rider. Treat this as an attempt to trip the rider made by the mount itself.
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Damage On a successful attack, the target is denied the use of one of her stats until the end of the attacker’s next turn. The attacker chooses which stat is affected, but it should be appropriate to how the attack is described. Successful attacks against an unavailable stat render that character incapacitated in a manner chosen by the Game Master. She can no longer actively participate in the scene in any way that involves rolling dice. An otherwise-successful attack may be negated by use of a Wardrobe Malfunction or Plot Armor. A Bimbo without clothes or an NPC without Plot Armor is pretty easy to knock out of a ght, requiring only two hits on successive turns or a single critical hit. A disabled stat automatically recovers after one full turn. This results in a life-cycle of sorts for a heroine’s stats. Normally she rolls against her stat’s value to determine success or failure in a task. If an opponent hits her with an attack or other hostile action, her stat is “Disabled” until her turn starts. If she has any reason to roll against that stat before her turn, she instead rolls against the default value of two. When her next turn starts, her stat is now “Vulnerable” and she can act normally, but still rolls against the default value of two for actions governed by that stat. If she is again hit on that currently-vulnerable stat before her following turn, she can be incapacitated. At the start of her following turn, her stat returns to normal. The momentary additional peril is gone. She has caught her breath, adjusted her blouse, disentangled herself, or otherwise completely recovered from the initial attack. When Check vs. Stat Status after the hit two disabled vulnerable target’s 1st Turn two after 1st Turn two vulnerable normal normal target’s 2nd Turn
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Hitting again means nothing incapacitates the target incapacitates the target start this over again
Wardrobe Malfunction Losing use of a stat for a full turn can be pretty bad, and two successful hits in a row can incapacitate a character, but hit points and status effects are complicated and slow down play. Instead, a Bimbo that has been successfully attacked may risk an article of clothing (top, bottom, or footwear) and attempt a Medium Tits check to negate the attack. If the check is successful, the attack is negated with no ill effect to the Bimbo but the garment is ruined. Additional articles of clothing may be risked if the rst (or second) attempt fails. Objects sacriced in this manner are rendered permanently useless. If the Bimbo is wearing more than three garments, only three are eligible for this purpose. Any additional garments cannot provide special abilities either. There are no
rules-advantages for bundling up under extra layers of clothes. A player that is feeling lucky (or whose character has a really good Tits stat) can voluntarily increase the difshe culty of this check to Hard. If succeeds, the garment is spared and no damage is done. If she fails, the garment is ruined and she may attempt to risk another garment if any are more available. A player that rolls a critical success on a Wardrobe Malfunction is treated as though she had increased the difculty, and avoids both damage and garment ruination. 83
How Permanent is Permanent Damage? Not very, really. Bimbos are assumed to have a ready supply of normal garments available to them whenever they take a little time off between adventures or return to their home base. A quick trip to the apartment won’t literally replace the damaged garments, but will make the Bimbo fully combat-ready again. If a Bimbo has acquired a magic item and hasn’t damaged it yet by the end of an adventure, it is assumed that she has a spare copy in her closet somewhere.
Plot Armor At the GM’s discretion, some NPCs pose too signicant a challenge to be rendered vulnerable with a single attack. Perhaps this is a particularly large and fearsome opponent, and the GM wants some assurance that it will survive to at least attack once. When facing a group of aggressive Bimbos that are cooperating with each other this gets tricky. Each element of Plot Armor entitles the NPC to a single roll against damage, similar to the Wardrobe Malfunction mechanism used by Bimbos. After being subject to a successful attack, an NPC with Plot Armor may attempt a Hard check with its one stat, risking one element of Plot Armor to negate the attack. If the check fails, that element of Plot Armor is no longer available for the remainder of the conict. NPCs make a Hard check while Bimbos need only a Medium check because Plot Armor is inferior to Wardrobe Malfunctions. Ideally each element of Plot Armor is some specic descriptive and interesting one-time evasion of harm by the NPC. Perhaps a Black Knight’s shield is splintered, saving her from harm for the moment, or a giant plate of chitin is torn from the thorax of a giant soldier ant. This isn’t strictly necessary for the Plot Armor mechanic, but makes for better play.
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Plot Armour At the GM’s discretion, some NPCs are too British for Plot Armor and will add a ‘u’ to demonstrate their cultural superiority. Plot Armour functions exactly as Plot Armor, but with a certain air of defeated nostalgia.
Recovering from Injury
This isn’t a medical drama. A character that is incapacitated during a ght is not necessarily physically hurt, but may be irretrievably dead. This is a matter of GM discretion. GMs should take into consideration that months of convalescence rarely make for entertaining play.
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A stat that has been hit becomes Disabled. A Disabled stat becomes Vulnerable at the beginning of that character’s following turn. A Vulnerable stat that is hit results in an incapacitated character. A Vulnerable stat recovers completely at the beginning of that character’s following turn. Bimbos may make a Medium Tits check to sacrice a garment to avoid damage. Bimbos may make a Hard Tits check to risk a garment to avoid damage. A Raised or Critical attack roll can bypass Plot Armor and Wardrobe Malfunctions. A Raised or Critical attack roll can treat a Disabled stat as though it were Vulnerable and bypass Plot Armor and Wardrobe Malfunctions a the same time. NPCs may make a Medium One Stat check to sacrice a point of Plot Armor or Plot Armour to avoid damage.
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Criticals, Raises, & Combat A critical hit can be the result of rolling two or more ones, or as the result of a raise. Cunning use of raises, particularly to bypass an opponent’s Plot Armor, can cut a long ght very short. Some suggested critical hit benets: When striking an opponent that currently has Plot Armor or a possible Wardrobe Malfunction remaining: the target is denied the opportunity to negate the attack. PENETRATING BLOW! When attacking an NPC with no Plot Armor that still has use of its main stat: Never mind disabling the stat, go straight to incapacitating the target. DEVASTATING BLOW! When attacking a Bimbo with no garments available for a Wardrobe Malfunction that still has use of her targeted stat: disable an additional stat on the target. MULTI-TASKING! When attacking an opponent with a Disabled (but not Vulnerable) stat: Never mind disabling the stat, go straight to incapacitating the target, no Plot Armor or Wardrobe Malfunctions may protect the target. FINISH HER! When engaged with multiple opponents in melee but the attacker doesn’t have Cleave or SlapStorm : The attacker may immediately attack another target. WHIRLWIND OF DEATH! When the attacker has Bounce and really would rather not be engaged at the moment: attacker may immediately disengage from any and all melee. I’M OUTTA HERE! When the attacker has the Tittiemancy ability and is short more than one Mana token: hand the player back a Mana token. REFRESHING ATTACK! When the attacker is only engaged with one of several opponents and would have nished it off with a normal success: immediately allow the attacker to make a Legs check to engage (and attack) another opponent. DEADLY SKIRMISHER! 86
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Critical Misses in Combat Much like a critical success, a critical fumble should be meaningful, appropriate, and interesting. Unlike with critical failures, there’s no option to reduce a roll’s difculty to ensure an extra-poor result. Sorry. When an allied character is engaged with the same target: the fumbling attacker gets in her comrades’ way, increasing the difculty to attack (Easy → Medium → Hard). BITCH, YOU’RE IN MY WAY! When the attacker is attempting a ranged attack: out of ammo, miss a turn, or switch to another weapon. TWANG! When the attacker is using a melee weapon: weapon dropped. BUTTERFINGERS! When the target is unarmed but capable of using the attacker’s melee weapon: weapon transferred to target’s possession. USE THE POINTY END! When the attacker has already fumbled in this combat: attacker hits herself. OW! OW OW OW OW OW OW! When the attacker has been missed repeatedly by its opponents: attacks against the fumbling character are reduced in difculty for a turn (Hard → Medium → Easy). GUARD? WHAT GUARD? When the attacker has been making just bad decisions generally: attacker is distracted and confused and will have to roll Uhm for initiative/hesitation before acting again. WAIT, WHAT WERE WE DOING AGAIN?
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Other uses of Movement Footwork is arguably more important in an actual life-or-death struggle than when squabbling over lingerie. Simply getting into and out of melee with an opponent does not represent all the things a Bimbo may want to do in regards to moving during a battle. Flanking and seeking cover are common movement-related actions.
Flanking When engaging an opponent that is already engaged, a character may choose to ank her opponent. This is accomplished by making a Medium Legs or a Medium Uhm check. A character may opt to ank an opponent instead of making her normal attack upon successfully engaging it. All Slap, Legs, or Uhm-based attacks against a anked opponent become one degree less difcult (Hard → Medium → Easy). Titsbased attacks suffer from the anked target being already distracted, and become one degree more difcult (Easy → Medium → Hard).
Seeking Cover At the GM’s discretion, a combatant that is not currently engaged may make a Legs check to seek cover. The GM’s discretion is important here because there may be no cover available. A character beneting from cover cannot be attacked by opponents that have not engaged her. A character seeking to make a ranged attack against an opponent beneting from cover may make a Hard Legs check to bypass the cover somehow.
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Equipment “Remember that always dressing in understated good taste is the same as playing dead.” – Susan Catherine
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It has long been said that clothes make the man. It’s precisely the opposite with a woman. A stylish, beautiful woman can make nearly any rag look fantastic, and nothing short of Tittiemancy can make a hag look like anything but what she really is. In Busty Barbarian Bimbos, as in real life, the affectations of clothing and style are a means not only of protection for the elements and useful accoutrement, but outward expressions inner of truths. By making an outt look good, the wearer presentsofa facet her own beauty. By having dozens of outts that all look good, the wearer reveals herself to be a multifaceted self-condent badass demigoddess. For this and several other reasons, the creation and maintenance of an extensive wardrobe is a matter of great importance for anybody looking to make a name for herself in Bimbo culture. Expeditions to boutiques, salons, malls, bazaars, and markets are undertaken as social grooming, self-administered psychotherapy, recreation, and epic spiritual dream-quests. It is generally assumed that a Bimbo can have a top, a bottom, and shoes. These three items serve an important function through the Wardrobe Malfunction rule. A Bimbo may have any number of accessories or weapons, though at some point it may get ridiculous. It is assumed that a Bimbo can only wield one heavy weapon at a time, and no more than two light weapons, though GM discretion always applies. If a garment, accessory, or weapon has special properties, it must be worn or wielded at the time the ability is activated (so you don’t get the benet of an enchanted push-up bra that you’ve got in a closet at home). A truly mind-boggling array of garments, accessories, weapons, and tools are possible, due to combinations of styles and materials and combinations of decorations. This chapter contains random generation tables for use when the Game Master is not particularly inspired to make everything up from scratch, and suggested properties for exceptional or magical items.
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Outfit Material Tables To randomize entire outts, use these tables to generate what a garment is made of. You can use one set of results for a whole outt. d6 1-2: 3: 4: 5-6:
Garment cloth metal fur leather
d6 1: 2: 3: 4: 5:
Cheap canvas canvas cotton cotton wool
6:
wool
d6 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: 6:
Cheap beaver beaver deer deer rabbit rabbit
Main Decorative cloth metal fur leather
Cloth Nice Very Nice silk satin satin silk satin silk velvet shnet velvet shnet
velvet shnet Fur Nice VeryNice wolf leopard wolf leopard wolf tiger bear cheetah bear zebra bear zebra
Second Decorative metal metal gem gem
Cheap copper copper chrome brass tin nickel Cheap raw raw raw brown brown brown
Lining cloth fur fur leather
Metal Nice Very Nice bronze gold bronze gold iron platinum platinum iron steel titanium
silver titanium Leather Nice VeryNice black white black white black white maroon red maroon red maroon red
Gems d6 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: 6:
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Cheap rhinestone bone cubic zirconia citrine lapislazuli amber
Nice opal tanzanite aquamarine amethyst beryl garnet
Very Nice diamond pearls ruby emerald jade sapphire
Colors A descriptive color can always be handy, and why settle for your basics? Particularly with garments, a player doesn’t need a strong color vocabulary to form vivid associations with the following. Not all combinations make sense; I for one have never Brilliant Jet Black or a Deep Daffodil Yellow,seen but ayour mileage may vary. d6 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: 6:
Yellows apricot amber daffodil lemon saffron tangerine
Blues skyblue baby blue electric blue navyblue sea blue turquoise
Reds cinnamon crimson magenta hotpink raspberry scarlet
d6 1: 2: 3: 4: 5:
brilliant deep delicate orescent
6:
vivid
Modier
rich
Greens Whites chartreuse Charcoal emerald Cream forest green Ivory mintgreen Jetblack sage green Oyster sea green Snow
Decorations d6 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: 6: d6 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: 6:
DecorationType studded with [secondary decoration material] linedwith[liningmaterial] encircled by bands of [ primary decoration material] menacing with spikes of [secondary decoration material] with [image type] in [primary decoration material] with hanging rings of [ primary decoration material]
askull a heart alightningbolt a star adiamond aneye
Image Type elementalglyph foreign calligraphy abrandlogo geometric pattern paisleys aword
a bird a horse adog a cat combinetwo combine three
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Example of Outfit Creation Brittany (the Game Master) needs to come up with a list of items that are found in the lair of a rival Bimbo, quick. She picks up her trusty dice and gets to work. First she decides this is a medium-quality wardrobe. She rolls for garment material – metal. She rolls again for the type of metal – bronze. She rolls again for primary decoration type – menacing with spikes of… She rolls for a secondary decoration material – another metal. She rolls again for the type of metal – Iron. The rst top, bottom, and footwear she creates will be made of bronze, menacing with spikes of iron. Nobody would have outts made entirely the same stuff, so– she rolls She again forofgarment material leather. rolls again for the color – black. Classic. She rolls for primary decoration type – Lined with... and rolls again – metal. Again for type of metal – iron. The second type of outt in this ward robe is black leather, lined with iron. While she was rolling these up, Brittany immediately thought up a third and fourth outt for her villainous wardrobe, a blood-red chiffon ensemble with gold embroidery and a work-out outt in orange and dark green. She jots down her notes and resumes play.
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Equipment Generation Tables To generate equipment using these tables, start with the sentence at the top and roll d6s to ll in the brackets.
Footwear
d6
Adjective
This is a pair of [garment material] [adjective] [heel type] [base shoes] with [strap type] straps.
1: 2: 3: 4: 5: 6:
closed-toed elegant open-toed open-backed platform strappy
I challenge you to name me a possession more valuable than a nice pair of shoes. 1: 2: 3:
Base boots boots sandals
Boots Chelsea cowboy demi
Sandals clog sherman ip-op
4: 5: 6:
sandals shoes shoes
harness motorcycle riding
geta strappy thong
d6 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: 6:
Shoes ballerinaat balmoral blucher boat cheerleading moccasin
Shoes d’Orsaypump espadrille ghille loafer MaryJane monkstrap
Shoes mule Oxford pumps saddle skimmer slide
d6 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: 6:
StrapType multiple buckles gladiator ankle-strap sling-back none
HeelType built chunky cone continental Cuban at
HeelType French kitten prism stacked stiletto wedge
d6
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Some shoe types, adjectives, and heel types do not normally go together, such as stiletto-heeled sneakers or elegant clogs. Use your best judgment. There are literally hundreds of types of footwear possible. Bimbos are encouraged to have a broad variety of footwear. Those knee-high stiletto-heeled boots are the bomb, but don’t really go with that blouse, girl.
Example of Footwear Creation Caitlin is looking through a defeated villain’s shoe closet, and her Game Master Brittany needs inspiration; she really didn’t expect the adventure to get sogetting far thisa 5, session! dice, 5, andShe 1. rolls Thisseveral would be a pair of platform slides with chunky heels. Brittany already rolled for outt generation, so we know that the shoes are bronze and menacing with iron spikes. Brittany rolls again on the outt creation tables, then again on the footwear tables, and produces a pair of strappy black leather boots with stiletto heels decorated with platinum studs. Since the former owner was a necromancer, she decides the studs are in the shape of little skulls, and the stiletto heels are fashioned from bone. This sparks off a number of ideas and Brittany improvises the rest of the wardrobe, describing a number of sandals, pumps, accessories, and garments that suit their former owner.
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Bottoms / Tops This is a [adjective] [garment material] [base bottoms/tops]. It is [decoration type].
d6 1: 2: 3: 4: 5:
Adjective irty immodest minimal sheer short-cut
For the purposes of the rules, a Bimbo may wear a single garment on her top, and another below the waist. A Bimbo may actually wear a thong un6: skin-tight der her hot pants or a bra under her breastplate, but she may only gain special abilities from one top or bottom at a time. Any Wardrobe Malfunction affecting her top or bottom will render her nude from the waist up or waist down accordingly. Some garments, such as dresses, cat suits, or leotards, cover both the top and bottom of a character. The player may choose whether it serves as her top or bottom. d6
Bikini Tops
Brassiere
Outerwear
1: 2:
bandeau buttery
balconette bullet
blouse bodice
bustier camisole
3: 4: 5: 6:
halter racerback string tankini
demi front-clasp push-up sportsbra
breastplate tanktop tee-shirt tubetop
chemise corset pasties sweater
d6 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: 6:
Skirt circular pencil pleated mini gathered wrapped
Shorts cut-offs hotpants hootchie biker boy roll-up
Panties bikini side-tie string thong g-string briefs
Other Tops
OtherBottoms bellbottoms jeans loincloth pucker bikini sarong yogapants
Some combinations of tops and bottoms do not normally make sense, such as a tee-shirt and loincloth. Try to avoid the temptation to apply normal fashion sense here; these women have forgotten more about putting a look together than you’ll ever know. Literally.
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Accessories This is a [garment material][base accessory]. It is [decoration type]. Accessories are vital to putting a look together, but generally have no effect on the rules of the game. d6 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: 6:
Base glasses handbag hat headwear gloves jewelery
Glasses heart oblong oval round square star
Handbag barrel bowler blutch bobo satchel wristlet
d6 1: 2: 3:
Hats baret cowgirl cloche
Headwear animal ears crown hairtie
Gloves [length] glove bracer bangle
4: 5: 6:
newsboy Cap porkpie sun
headband helmet tiara
anklet armband cuff
d6 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: 6:
Jewelry anklet bracelet brooch earrings necklace ring
Anklet bangle beaded cable charm link rope
d6 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: 6:
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Earrings bar chandelier cuff drop hoop stud
Bracelet bangle beaded charm cuff link tennis
Necklace cable choker foxtail rope serpentine torq
G love Length wrist wrist elbow elbow shoulder shoulder
Brooch annular beaded buttery cameo Celtic jeweled Ring cocktail multi-band puzzle signet single-band solitaire
Heavy Weapons This is a [base weapon][decoration type]. The grip is made of [lining type]. The types for these weapons have no effect on any rules, and are here just for description. A “bearded” axe is one where the business-end of the blade curves down further than the part of the blade that attached to the handle. A “anged” mace has a bunch of ns radiating out from the center. A “anged” spear has one or two ns on the blade that help keep it from bending. A “barred” spear has a crossbar at the base of its blade to keep it from sticking too far into anything. A “kukri” is a large dagger that is curved a bit like a boomerang. A “baton” is a light club frequently wielded by members of the ag team. “Taser” is a brand name and registered trademark of TaserInternational and used in this document without express permission or any association with that company or its ne products.
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Random Heavy Weapons d6 1: 2: 3: 4:
Weapon sword axe hammer ail
Ranged n/a penalty penalty n/a
Normal normal normal normal normal
Skin-to-Skin n/a n/a n/a n/a
5: 6:
mace spear
n/a normal
normal normal
n/a n/a
d6 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: 6: d6 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: 6:
SwordType straight, one edge straight, two edges curved, one edge curved, two edges wavebladed serrated
Axetype singleblade bearded double blade double bearded spiked narrowhead
FlailType singleheaded spiked anged tripleheaded triple headed, spiked triple headed, anged
MaceType round anged studded spiked headless, spiked banded
HammerType round square spiked hooked anged doubleheaded SpearType broadheaded narrow headed anged barred serrated barbed
Most heavy weapons can be made into exotic pole-arms by simply putting a long handle on them, resulting in pole-hammers, pole-axes, footman’s ails, and pole-dancers. Pole-arms often have more than one weapon head (on the same end of the weapon), such as a hammer on one side and an axe on the other, or a hook and a pick, or a spear with a hammer head, hook, and hairdryer attachment.
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Light Weapons This is a [base weapon], [decoration type]. As with heavy weapons, the individual weapon types have no direct bearing on the rules. A Bimbo may wield two light weapons at the same time, but gains no direct benet from doing so. If one or both light weapons have some kind of magical effect, both may apply. Game Masters are discouraged from keeping meticulous records of how much ammunition a Bimbo may have for a bow or other ranged weapon. Meticulous record-keeping is something you can do at your day job.
Random Light Weapons Ranged d6 Weapon 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: 6:
dagger kukri baton whip Taser bow
d6 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: 6:
DaggerType longbladed short bladed wavebladed serrated tapered broad bladed
penalty n/a n/a n/a n/a/ normal
Normal normal normal normal normal normal penalty
WhipType weighted black leather brownleather multi-tailed barbed woven
Skin-to-Skin normal normal n/a n/a normal n/a BowType at short long decurve recurve composite
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Examples of Item Creation Having already determined that a new outt will be primarily bronze, menacing with spikes of iron, Suzy is still at a loss as to what it actually is. Writer’s block is truly the greatest enemy! She rolls for footwear type – pumps. She rolls for heel type – platforms. She rolls for bottoms – panties, and again for the top – a breastplate. It’ll take somebody special to pull that look off. For another occasion, Suzy is looking to create a memorable heavy weapon for a villain, a murderous feral Bulldyke, to wield in a climactic showdown. She rolls for weapon material – steel. She rollsShe forrolls weapon type – hammer. for hammer type – single headed, square. She rolls for decoration type – encircled by bands of… She rolls for primary decorative material – gems. She rolls for gem type – lapis lazuli. It is a steel warhammer with a square head, encircled by bands of lapis lazuli.
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Magic Item Properties The following list is of special abilities granted by magic, amazing sci-, or by the basic conceits of the Busty Barbarian Bimbos genre. They are presented with a material type or decoration detail that may be the result of the random equipment tables. Just rolling a particular material type doesn’t mean an item that ability; thedecoration GM shouldordecide whether it is a special item andhas has nal say on what abilities, if any, a given item grants. Advanced weapons, accessories, and garments should grant alternate stats, special actions, or access to abilities rather than numeric modications to a character. For a broad variety of adventure concepts suitable for Busty Barbarian Bimbos, there is no good reason for the villains to have items that a Bimbo would be interested in using,. This would tend to limit opportunities to replace ruined equipment and participate in the time-honored process of way character advancement way of getting better stuff. Magic is one to allow Bimbos to by turn available materials into weapons, accessories, and garments without skinning anything or ruining their nails. The Create Item spell in the Magic chapter is one easy way for Bimbos to replenish their wardrobes.
Example Items Bedazzled Bustier – This lightly-lined plunge-neck bustier has both the Bedazzled and Lift & Separate item properties. A Bimbo wearing this garment has the Bounce ability, and may temporarily sacrice this garment for a full turn to automatically disengage from all opponents. Brazen Brass Brassiere – This enchanted top is crafted from brass with a light satin lining and a front-closing clasp. A particularly ne garment, this grants both the Lifts & Separate and Too Hot to Handle special qualities. A Bimbo wearing the Brazen Brass Brassiere effectively has the Bounce ability, and any opponent grabbing her or engaging her at close range suffers a re attack, made as a Hard Tits check. 103
Chainmail Bikini – This matching bikini top and bottom set is made entirely from interlinked metal rings. When both the top and bottom are undamaged, a Bimbo wearing this outt may substitute her Tits stat for any roll normally governed by Slap or Legs once per round. Chastity Belt Buckle – This highly-orna-
mented silver beltplate buckle the proclaims size of a small commemorative boldly that its wearer attended some rodeo or other. Its wearer cannot be forcibly dismounted. Fox-Fur Miniskirt – Particularly attering on fair skin types, this fuzzy micro-mini is endowed with cunning animal spirits. Its wearer is always treated as anking any opponent, whether an ally is involved or not. Handbag of Holding – This gold lame clutch purse looks barely large enough to hold a cellphone, a compact, and lipstick, but is somehow larger on the inside than your typical satchel. Anything light enough for a Bimbo to lift over her head and small enough to pass through its opening can t into a Handbag of Holding. Hootchie Shorts – These short cut-off jean shorts ride low on the hips and have an inseam measured in millimeters. They leave little to the imagination, and are quite attering to a young woman’s backside. A Bimbo wearing these shorts gains the benets of the Dat Ass ability. 104
Fishnet Sarong – An exotic laticework of silk, pearls, and opals, this garment covers basically nothing but has both the Stay A While and Side-Tie item properties. F-Me Pumps – These black patent leather pumps have aggressively high heels. A Bimbo wearing these shoes gains both the DTF and Dat Ass abilities. Mermaid’s Trident – This three-headed copper spear is encrusted with blue gemstones, seashells, and coral, and has a distinct verdigris patina. It has both the Wave-Slicing an Zap! item properties, allowing a Bimbo wielding it to ignore most penalties to movement and perception caused by water or fog, and permitting her to make ranged electrical attacks. Moonsilk Bustier – This alluring top is woven from mystical moonsilk. It grants both the Lifts & Separates and Slippery When Wet special qualities. A Bimbo wearing this bustier gains the benets of the Bounce ability. It also reduces the difculty of
Legs to escape grabs or disengage from melee by one degree (Hardchecks → Medium → Easy). Necromancer’s Gown – This tasteful midnight-blue off-shoulder gown is embroidered with arcane glyphs and a attering arrangement of animal and human bones providing structure to the bodice. A Bimbo wearing this garment gains the benet of the Unappable ability as well as the Grasping Hands item property. Tyrant Lizard Boots – These calf-high go-go boots are crafted from the hide of a Tyrannosaurus Rex. A Bimbo wearing these boots gains one free Wardrobe Malfunction per turn when engaged
in melee with more than one opponent (the boots are not damaged by this one free use). Maneating Maul – This large hammer-headed weapon has a distinct distaste for non-females. It serves as a normal warhammer, but when engaging or striking at a male or eunuch target all Legs and Slap checks are made one step less difcult (Hard → Medium → Easy).
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Properties by Decorative Material Each form of decoration from the random equipment tables can inuence the type of magical effect that equipment can grant. Ideally the effect of a magic item should be thematically appropriate to the decoration and type of item. A bracelet probably wouldn’t grant amight movement advantage, butoraranged pair of attacks. eyeglasses aid with perception
Bone (necromancy) Grasping Hands – Hundreds of skeletal hands burst from the ground, clutching and grabbing at anything they can catch hold of. Any attempts at movement through the affected area, including engaging, disengaging, or changing engagement range, are made at an advanced
difculty (Easy → Medium → Hard). The item with this ability is unavailable for any other use so long as the hands are in play. Skeletal Assistant – Upon command, this item sprouts skeletal arms, legs, hands, and feet. It functions as an animated skeleton with a Skeleton Servitoring skill of 3. The item with this ability is unavailable for any other use so long as the skeletal servitor is in play. If the skeletal servant is incapacitated, the item remains useless until the end of the encounter.
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Rhinestone / Cubic Zirconia / Diamond (light) Bedazzled – An item with this ability may be rendered useless for a full turn to create a dazzling effect. This causes all opponents to become disengaged from the item’s owner. Diamond Bedazzled – An item with this ability may be rendered useless for a full turn to create a strong dazzling effect. This causes all opponents to become disengaged from everyone else. This affects everyone that can see the item, friend or foe. Hey, Over Here! – An item with this ability can distract opponents once per encounter as though she had cast the Check These Out, Boys spell. No Mana is spent in using this ability.
Diamond (defensive toughness perks) A Girl’s Best Friend – Once per encounter, this item allows its wearer to become totally immune to attacks against her Slap, Legs, or Tits scores for a full turn. Activating this ability does not constitute the owner’s action for that turn, and if any of her stats are currently disabled or vulnerable, they are immediately restored, permitting immediate use. Unassailable – One per encounter, this item allows its wearer totally immune to outside inuence. Her disposition may not be inuenced, her stats may not be targeted, she may not be grabbed, and may not be considered engaged unless she wishes to. No character can benet from this ability more than once in an encounter regardless of the effect’s source.
Amber (snare/ effects) Diceless – Oncegrab/trap per encounter the owner of this item may automatically succeed at any action that would normally require a die roll. Using this ability renders the item useless for the remainder of the encounter. Stuck on You – An item with this ability increases the difculty of all attempts to leave engagement with its owner by one degree (Easy → Medium → Hard). This ability may only be placed on items that are eligible for a Wardrobe Malfunction. 107
Lapis Lazuli / Sapphire (cold & water effects) Wave-slicing – An item with this ability removes all penalties to movement caused by water or ice, and all penalties to ranged attacks or perception-related Uhm checks caused by fog. Slippery When Wet – An item with this ability reduces the difculty of Legs checks to escape grabs or disengage from melee by one degree (Hard → Medium → Easy). This ability may only be placed on items that are eligible for a Wardrobe Malfunction. Cooler than Cool – An item with this ability enables its owner to make a ranged attack with a Medium Tits check. This ability may only be placed on heavy weapons. This is considered to be a cold or ice effect, and mare result in goosebumps and erect nipples.
Ruby (fire & heat) Some Like it Hot – An item with this ability enables its owner to make a ranged attack with a Medium Tits check. This ability may only be placed on heavy weapons. Too Hot to Handle – Any character attempting to grab or make a Skin-to-Skin range attack against the owner of an item with this ability is immediately subject to a heat/re attack. The owner of the item makes a Hard Tits check to determine if there is an effect. This is resolved after the triggering attack is resolved. This ability may only be placed on items that are eligible for a Wardrobe Malfunction.
Fishnet (snaring, immobilizing, disarming effects) Stay A While – An item with this ability reduces the difculty of attempts by its owner to grab or otherwise restrain an opponent by one degree (Hard → Medium → Easy). This ability may only be placed on items that are eligible for a Wardrobe Malfunction. Come Hither – An item with this ability allows its owner to make a Medium Tits check to engage an opponent instead of a Legs check. Using this ability renders the item useless for one full turn. This ability may only be placed on items that are eligible for a Wardrobe Malfunction. 108
Satin & Silk (freedom of movement) Slippery When Wet – An item with this ability reduces the difculty of Legs checks to escape grabs or disengage from melee by one degree (Hard → Medium → Easy). This ability may only be placed on items that are eligible for a Wardrobe Malfunction. Soft & Strong – Once per encounter, a top or bottom with this ability may be used as part of a grab attempt. Treat the attacker as having a Legs stat of ve for engaging at Skin-to-Skin range and a Slap stat of ve for initiating the grab. During the remainder of the grapple this garment is not eligible for a Wardrobe Malfunction.
Copper (electricity) Attenuation – Ranged attacks against the owner of an item with this property are made at one degree greater difculty (Easy → Medium → Hard). This property may be placed on a garment, weapon, or accessory, but its effect can only be applied once. Zap! – An item with this ability enables its owner to make a ranged attack with a Medium Tits check. This ability may only be placed on heavy weapons. This actually requires that the weapon be made up of two dissimilar metals with an electrically-conductive medium separating them, but the details really only matter to the people who made the thing.
Bronze (Fire & Heat) Some Like it Hot – An item with this ability enables its owner to make a ranged attack with a Medium Tits check. This ability may
only be placed on heavy weapons. Too Hot to Handle – Any character attempting to grab or make a Skin-to-Skin range attack against the owner of an item with this ability is immediately subject to an attack. The owner of the item makes a Hard Tits check to determine if there is an effect. This is resolved after the triggering attack is resolved. This ability may only be placed on items that are eligible for a Wardrobe Malfunction.
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Iron (Strength) Bed-Head Banishment – Once per scene an item with this ability allows a Bimbo to immediately recover full use of her Tits stat, skipping directly from Disabled or Vulnerable back to normal. This ability may only be placed on a weapon or accessory. Buffed Beauty – Once per scene an item with this ability allows a Bimbo to reduce the difculty of all Slap-based checked by one degree (Hard → Medium → Easy) for a full turn. This ability may only be placed on items eligible for a Wardrobe Malfunction.
silver (Speed) Reective – an item with this quality grants its owner the Jumpy
ability. If the owner would normally already benet from Jumpy, her checks against surprise and hesitation are made one degree less difcult (Hard → Medium → Easy).
Gold (Status) Privilege – Once per scene an item with this quality allows its owner to immediately take an extra turn, out of order. This does not replace her normal turn, and can take place even in the middle of resolving somebody else’s, or even her own, task. If a die roll has just been made but its effects not yet applied, the effect kicks in after the privileged Bimbo’s extra turn.
Lace (Tactical Perks) Stains Easily – Once per scene an item with this ability allows its owner a chance to re-roll a single failed attempt to disengage with an opponent. This ability may only be placed on tops and bottoms.
Leather (Defensive Perks) Tough Skin – The difculty of Wardrobe Malfunctions checks risking this item are reduced by one degree (Hard → Medium → Easy). This ability may only be placed on tops or bottoms, not footwear. 110
Furs (Combat / Sneakiness) Hungry Like the Wolf – The owner of an item with this ability automatically anks any opponent that is engaged by an ally. Bear Hug – The owner of an item with this ability reduces the difculty of grab attempts by one degree (Hard → Medium →
Easy). ThisMalfunction. ability may only be placed on items that are eligible for a Wardrobe Camouage – Checks made to detect the presence of a character
wearing an item with this property are made at an increased difculty (Easy → Medium → Hard). Warm All Winter – The owner of an item with this ability may completely ignore any ill effects from cold weather, and the difculty of all cold-based attacks against her are increased by one degree (Easy → Medium → Hard). This ability may only be placed on items that are eligible for a Wardrobe Malfunction.
Zebra Skin (speed/movement perks) Five for Fighting – Once per encounter, this item’s wearer may choose to activate this ability instead of making a Wardrobe Malfunction or Plot Armor. The wearer makes a Medium Uhm check. If successful, her attacker is stunned and cannot act for a full turn. Outta Here – The difculty of Legs checks to disengage from an opponent or made as part of an attempt to ee are reduced by one degree (Hard → Medium → Easy). This ability may only be placed on items that are eligible for a Wardrobe Malfunction. Sprint – The difculty of Legs checks to engage an opponent or when eeing are reduced by one degree (Hard → Medium → Easy). This ability may only be placed on items that are eligible for a Wardrobe Malfunction. Video Review – Once per scene, the owner of an item with this ability may set the difculty of a die roll to any value she chooses (Easy, Medium, or Hard). It need not be rolled during her turn.
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Properties by Item Type Each form of item can inuence the set of magical abilities available. Many of the abilities determined by material are limited to particular types of weapons, or only for accessories, or for garments that are subject to Wardrobe Malfunction. Other properties are more thematically tied to the item’s type than anything else. Bootylicious – A pair of bottoms with this quality is particularly attering to the wearer’s backside. A Bimbo wearing a garment with this property is considered to have the Dat Ass ability. A Bimbo that would otherwise already have the Dat Ass ability gains an additional use of it per scene. Additionally, any action related to twerking or backing dat up is made one degree less difcult (Hard → Medium → Easy). Bloodthirsty – A heavy weapon with this quality is eager to destroy its owner’s foes. A Bimbo wielding a weapon with this property is considered to have the DTF ability. Comfort Insole – A good-looking pair of comfortable shoes is a source of inner strength and condence for the Bimbo that wears them. A Bimbo wearing footwear with Comfort Insoles is considered to have the Unappable ability. Décolletage – A top with this quality is particularly good at drawing attention to its wearer’s ner points. Once per scene, a 112
Bimbo with a Tits value of three or greater wearing a garment with this property may automatically pass a check to improve the disposition of a male or Bulldyke. Front Snap Clasp – When sacriced as part of a Wardrobe Malfunction, a top with this property is not completely ruined. A Bimbo wearing a top with this property may restore it to full use as
a normal action. Lift & Separate – A top with this quality is particularly complimentary of the wearer’s bosom. A Bimbo wearing a garment with this property is considered to have the Bounce ability. A Bimbo that would otherwise already have the Bounce ability also increases the difculty to engage at both normal and Skin-to-Skin ranges. Nimble – A light weapon with this quality dictates the pace and ow of a melee. A Bimbo wielding a weapon with this property may automatically succeed at a Legs check to change the range at which she is engaged with an opponent. She must still roll to begin
an engagement or completely disengage. On-Trend – An accessory with this quality is exceptionally fashionable this season, more so than one would generally expect. Once per scene the wearer of an On-Trend accessory may momentarily raise her Tits to match her Uhm stat, or her Uhm to match her Tits stat. The effect lasts for a full turn. A Bimbo may only benet from this ability once per scene, regardless of the number of On-Trend accessories she is wearing. Side-tie – A pair of bikini bottoms, panties, or a wrap with this quality is not completely ruined when sacriced as part of a Ward-
robe Malfunction. Most likely it came untied and simply fell off and is laying on the ground. Immediately after the scene in which is was sacriced it is again available for use. In some circumstances the Game Master may call for a Medium Tits check to tell whether the garment remained where the Bimbo can get to it (e.g. it may have fallen down a ravine, been washed downstream, burned in lava, or been left behind during a chase).
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Cell Phones More than simply a means for communication, a mobile phone can be an artifact of great utility and status. A mundane cell phone can be handy for requesting help, coordinating plans, late-night booty calls, and ignoring people who are standing like three feet away. Whenever a Bimbo attempts to use a cell phone while under pressure, the Game Master may require that she attempt either a Medium Uhm check or a Hard Tits check (Bimbo’s choice) to get a signal. Trying to get reception is considered to be a Bimbo’s action during her turn, though once a call has been connected she may continue chattering for hours and likely will. Cellphone – The base cellphone allows a Bimbo to communicate with another character that otherwise would not be able to hear her. At the Game Master’s discretion the other party may be required to attempt an Uhm or Tits check for reception as well. A basic cellphone may be included in a Bimbo’s starting outt. Smartphone – This advanced cellphone, in addition to the benets of a normal cellphone, grants a Bimbo the ability to re-try a failed Uhm check by looking something up on the Web. This may only be attempted once per scene. On a fumble, the Bimbo gets distracted by a game app and is treated as though she had previously failed her initiative check. eyePhone – This highly-fashionable smartphone is just like any other smartphone but more conspicuous and sought-after. EyePhone owners cannot attempt to use Uhm when checking for reception (their antennas are lousy), but an eyePhone may be sacri-
ced as part of a Wardrobe Malfunction. FlipPhone – This archaic and deeply-unfashionable cellphone gets excellent reception and has great voice quality, but has no smartphone capabilities and is embarrassing to use. Any Bimbo using a FlipPhone is considered to have a Tits score of 2 until the device is stowed out of sight. It is never necessary to check for reception with a FlipPhone.
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Credit Cards The credit card is a mystical object of tremendous utility to a Bimbo, though it is often misunderstood. Wise women often say that a credit card is a tremendous responsibility, to be wielded with great discretion and judgment. Credit cards are technically accessories; a Bimbo may possess any number of them, though she may only wield one at a time during a shopping encounter. A number of credit card varieties are available: Credit Card – The base credit card grants a Bimbo an additional Credit stat of 3 which she may roll instead of Tits when trying to convince a shopkeeper to let her leave with an item. A basic credit card may be included in a Bimbo’s starting outt. Masterwork Credit Card – Also known as a Master
Card, Creditthis statitem of 4.confers a Golden Masterwork Credit Card – This card confers a Credit stat of 5. Platinum Masterwork Credit Card – This card confers a Credit stat of 6.
More on Verisimilitude There’s that stupid word again.
Go ahead and assume that any casually-available modern convenience may exist in your setting, even if that setting is prehistoric or post-apocalyptic. There have always been (and there always will be) cellphone towers, they just didn’t always have 4G.
Credit cards are potent but ckle; a failed check ruins the card, as it has been declined, and somebody will have to call the bank and sort things out. This can be an excellent opportunity for a side-adventure to restore the potency of a powerful magic item. On a critical success with a credit card, the Game Master should note which player made the roll. On her next shopping expedition, she should either be granted one free success with her Credit Card or a bonus-miles benet such as a magically-enchanted item. Not redeemable in all areas, certain blackout dates may apply, not available in Connecticut or Rhode Island. 115
Entrancing Ensembles The process of putting together a look can look chaotic to the untrained eye, but to the intrepid adventuress there is always a method to the madness, as a boggling array of garments and accessories pull together into a attering, presentable combination. Often comes from the Bimbo setting her sights on a particular type ofthis outt.
Ensemble Effects Serving their role in projecting the persona a woman wishes to take on, a coordinated outt can inuence how the Game Master adjudicates the normal game rules. A great deal of discretion is required. Players should conrm with each other whether a given outt is complete and appropriate (a Sexy Santa in ip-op sandals? You be the judge). If the ensemble is incomplete or damaged enough not to be thematic any more, its benets are no longer applicable.
Guidelines When putting together an outt, nearly anything goes. The themes are limited by your collective imagination; if you can think of an excuse to include a swan-themed ballerina costume into your story, you are welcome to do so. The players should confer among themselves about why a given Bimbo would have such an outt in her wardrobe before proceeding. When determining the benets and requirements of an outt, two key considerations should be accounted for. Regarding the benets, are they better than a Basic Ability or similar to an example magic item benet? If so, the benet should be toned down a bit. Sprinkle in some conditions and limits. Regarding requirements, there should be some bare minimum of thematic string binding the outt together. Is a Wetsuit Surfer Girl really rocking that look any more if she’s wielding a jackhammer and a hard-hat? Maybe. Talk it out.
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Example Outfits The following are a few examples of themed outts suitable for a young woman set on adventuring. Unlike magic garments with special properties, these outts and suggested benets should be available to starting characters. Players are encouraged to create their own whenever their characters are getting dressed. Bath Towel – frequently worn by a Bimbo freshly out of the shower, possibly caught in the act of putting together her ensemble. A Bath Towel may be treated as a single garment for purposes of Wardrobe Malfunctions. While in a suitable setting (a dressing room, gym locker room, shower, sauna, etc.) a Bimbo that recently lost her towel may replace it as a free action. Characters cannot benet from this free action if they have footwear, accessories, or other garments on. Boxer – Consisting pairtop, of short sneakers, handgloves, wrappings, and optionallyofa atank sportsshorts, bra, and/or boxing this ensemble exudes an impression of aggression and athleticism. NPCs will treat a Bimbo in such an outt as having a ve in both Slap and Legs, regardless of her actual stats. Characters should not benet from this outt if wearing jewelry or Some outts’ benets indicate similar accessories. that NPCs will treat a Bimbo as though she had such-and-such Cheerleader – Consisting stats. This means that the Game of a tight sweater, short
Treated Like?
skirt (optionally pleated), and sneakers, this ensemble gives a strong impression of enthusiasm, sportswomanship, and athleticism. NPCs will treat a Bimbo in such an outt as having a ve in both Legs and Tits, regardless of her actual stats.
Master should bear in mind the impression the Bimbo is giving at the time. If somebody appears to be very smart, people may not try to out-smart her. If somebody looks very menacing, people are less likely to pick a ght with her, and so forth. How useful this is will vary from game to game. 117
Catholic School Uniform – A button-up white blouse, a pleated (optionally plaid) skirt, and black patent leather ats is the classic Catholic Schoolgirl look. NPCs will assume a Bimbo in this outt has had a strict Jesuit education and will treat her as having an Uhm stat of ve regardless of her actual stats. Catsuit / Combat Tights – A form-tting single-piece garment
covers from neck to toe. Uhm checks made to devise sneaky its or wearer slinky means of bypassing an obstacle or hiding from aan opponent should be made one degree less difcult (Hard → Medium → Easy), at the GM’s discretion. China Dress / Cheongsam / Qipao – A one-piece silk dress with a straight collar and distinctive slit up the sides of the skirt, the stereotypical Chinese dress is both rened and sexy. NPCs will treat a Bimbo wearing such a dress as having a ve in both Uhm and Tits, regardless of her actual stats. Christmas Elf / Sexy Santa – A variety of garment types (jack-
ets, skirts, shorts, heels, etc.) can sweaters, be used inbustiers, putting together a Sexytights, Santahigh outt, but boots, the color pallet must be distinctively Christmas (red and white for Santa, red and green for an elf). NPCs’ default attitudes towards a Bimbo thus garbed should be shifted up by one step towards Helpful. Construction Worker – A close relative to the Cowgirl look, this outt typically consists of denim pants or shorts, boots, a tank top or tee-shirt, a high-visibility vest, hard-hat, and work gloves. A Bimbo wearing this outt cannot damage her garments by performing manual labor or operating power tools. Cowgirl – Vests, chaps, denim, annel, these are the components of a typical Cowgirl outt. Riding boots are non-negotiable. At the GM’s discretion, any creature that could be used as a mount or any character with a large belt buckle will have a default attitude shifted up one step towards Helpful. Evening Gown – A single-piece garment of great elegance, an Evening Gown is particularly susceptible to damage during a physical confrontation. Upon sacricing an evening gown in a Wardrobe Malfunction, a Bimbo may immediately lash out at her attacker with 118
a Slap-based attack. This happens in addition to whatever she does during her normal turn. Gothic Lolita / Steampunk Dress – A frilly, complicated ensemble complete with multiple layered skirts, with lots of frills and lace, and optionally either boots or high heels. A Bimbo wearing a Gothic Lolita or Streampunk outt never damages or dirties her
own clothing by using a machine. Harem Girl / Belly Dancer – Consisting of a midriff-baring top, slippers, and loose, possibly translucent pants, often accessorized with a large number of bracelets, chains, coin belts, and veils. NPCs loyal to a Man-king are more inclined to trust a Harem Girl. Karate Gi – Consisting of loose-tting pants and a wrap-around top and belt, all made of very thick fabric, this outt is generally worn without footwear. NPCs ghting an unarmed Bimbo wearing a Karate Gi will be unusually inclined to attempt grappling attacks. Lab Coat & Glasses – Worn along with nearly anything else, the Lab Coat may be treated as an accessory not available for Wardrobe Malfunctions. Provided her hair is up in a sensible bun and her glasses are on, NPCs will treat a Bimbo in this outt as though she has an Uhm of ve, regardless of her actual stats. Leotard – A form-tting single-piece outt worn without footwear. Once per scene, a Bimbo wearing this outt may make a Medium Legs check in place of a Wardrobe Malfunction attempt. Librarian / Schoolteacher – Consisting of a pencil or mini skirt, high heels, a button-up blouse, eyeglasses, and a severe utilitarian
hairdo, themenace Librarian Schoolteacher look gives an impression of condent and/ intelligence. Bimbos dressed in this way automatically succeeds in their rst social check to inuence a civilized NPC, provided the attempt is clearly aggressive and assertive. Maid – Consisting of a full dress and apron, with sensible heels, ats, or boots, the Maid outt is not commonly seen in Bimbo culture. Bimbos dressed in this way automatically succeed in their rst social check to inuence a civilized NPC, provided the attempt is demure and indirect. 119
Medieval Peasant – Consisting of multi-layered skirts, a loose blouse, ats, clogs, or boots, and optionally a girdle, bodice, corset, apron, and / or shawl. NPCs will treat a Bimbo in such an outt as having a Tits of ve, regardless of her actual stats.. Nun – Consisting of a conservative long dress and sensible footwear, this outt represents membership in a religious order. NPCs
have a difcult time initiating actions, socially or physically, against a character wearing aggressive such an outt. Nurse – Often pink or white, the Nurse outt typically incorporates a utilitarian smock, a short skirt, and a distinctive hat. In accordance with the Geneva Convention, NPCs will not initiate physical confrontations with a Bimbo wearing this outt. One-piece Swimsuit – A single-piece garment normally worn without footwear (ippers may be suitable along with snorkeling or SCUBA gear). A Bimbo wearing a one-piece Swimsuit suffers no consequences from being doused with water or other liquids. Pajamas / Men’s Shirt Only – A number of garment combinations can qualify as Pajamas, including button-up blouses, tank tops, chemises, camisoles, pants, and shorts, but a common factor is the presence of loose-tting shorts or pants made of a soft, comfortable material. Alternately this outt consists of an oversized Men’s Shirt and optionally a pair of panties. Often worn without footwear, though slippers may be appropriate. A Bimbo wearing this outt may not have her Tits stat targeted in a confrontation; she probably has bed head already and it’s working for her. Play Bunny – Consisting of a swimsuit-like one-piece garment,
fake rabbit ears, and detached bow-tie and cuffs, the Bunny outt is often worn with hose or thigh-high stockings, and high heels. A Bimbo wearing this costume may consume up to her own body weight of alcohol without consequence. Policewoman – Consisting of a tight blue or black skirt, high heels, a white, blue, or black button-up blouse, and optionally a hat and gloves. NPCs will treat a Bimbo in such an outt as if she is armed to the teeth and accompanied by allies, regardless of her actual armament and companions present. 120
Space Ranger – Hearkening back to science ction of the mid20th century, this outt consists of a tight-tting bodysuit, boots, gloves, and optionally a helmet. A Bimbo wearing such an outt may continue to benet from special abilities of her individual garments even if they have been damaged through the use of a Wardrobe Malfunction. Thank you, Barbarella. Tennis Wear – Consisting a white blouse,such sneakers, andmay a short skirt (optionally pleated). AofBimbo wearing an outt opt to use her Slap stat for ranged attacks, provided the player makes a very loud Serena Williams-style grunt upon rolling the dice. Torn One-piece – Any outt that largely consists of a single garment (e.g. an Evening Gown or Catsuit) that has been damaged by a Wardrobe Malfunction may qualify as a Torn One-piece at the GM’s discretion. A Torn One-piece may be used one more time in a Wardrobe Malfunction, though it no longer has its previous special qualities either as an ensemble or magic item. Track – Tremendously practical, this outt consists of sneakers andSuit a matching set of jacket and pants. A Bimbo wearing such an outt may spend an action to strip off her jacket and pants as a single action, revealing an alternate outt. She may immediately declare a different top and bottom than what she had on earlier in the scene. The sneakers remain. Valkyrie – Consisting of a Nordic-style helmet, metal-plate or chainmail bikini top, short skirt, and either high heels or boots along with braided pigtails, this is an iconic warrior-woman style. A Bimbo wearing this outt may libuster any confrontation once per game session, reciting a long, mourned tale of lamentation and
woe, preferably in song. During this solo, other characters (including NPCs) may opt to quietly leave the scene, but may take no other actions. Wedding Gown – Consisting of an intricate white gown, high heels, and carefully coordinated accessories. Female NPCs’ initial disposition toward a Bimbo in this outt are degraded one step towards Hostile.
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Magic Many aspects of play can be readily identied as unrealistic or supernatural, but magic is when something crazy happens that is clearly not just a matter of exaggeration.
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Bimbo Spellcasting A Bimbo with the advanced ability Tittiemancy (the magic of Tits) gains access to Mana tokens and spells. Mana tokens are used to create magical effects. Spells are specic magical effects that can be produced. Players are encouraged to add to and modify the spells provided in the rules, in consultation with the Game Master.
Tokens A Bimbo with Tittiemancy gets a number of Mana tokens (poker chips work well) equal to her Tits attribute. Having physical chips to represent how much magical oomph she has will help avoid having to write down exactly how many she has at any given time. All Tittiemancy spells cost a single token to invoke, which avoids any mandatory counting; just grab a chip and hand it to the GM while you declare your action. If the spell fails, but does not fumble, the GM returns the token.
Replenishing Tokens There are four ways by which a Bimbo may recover spent Mana: •
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Once per day, when a Bimbo puts on her makeup, she regains one Mana token. On a successful Medium Tits check, she receives two instead. Whenever a Bimbo receives a new garment or accessory, she regains one Mana token.
•
Whenever a Bimbo completely changes her outt, she regains
•
one Mana token. Whenever the GM judges that circumstances merit resetting the Bimbo’s Mana, she may recover all of her Mana tokens.
If replenishing Mana would otherwise take a Bimbo over her maximum quantity (normally her Tits score), she may make a Hard Tits check to go over her maximum. Rules like maximum Mana don’t really apply to pretty people.
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Spells Upon selecting the Tittiemancy ability, a Bimbo gains access to a number of spells equal to her Uhm stat. A smart and beautiful Tittiemancer is a terror. The following is a listing of sample spells. Game Masters are encouraged to work with Bimbo Tittiemancers to tailor these to better suit the specic Bimbo or create new spells out of whole cloth. Each spell should have both a success state and a fumble state. If two or more dice show sixes, the fumble effect kicks in. Check These Out, Boys – Roll a Medium Tits check. On a success, all the caster’s allies are immediately rendered invisible in respect to any character with line of sight to the caster. Creatures affected by CTOB return to normal upon being attacked for damage, losing line of sight with the caster, or if the caster performs any action other than moving. On a fumble, the caster’s failure to
entice hertoopponents is so embarrassing that her Tits is effectively reduced 0 for one round. Clairvoyance – Roll a Hard Tits check. On a success, the Bimbo spaces out severely, her mind wandering to other places. Literally. The material component here would be a shiny object or nice pair of shoes, not necessarily in the immediate possession of the caster. On a fumble, the Bimbo spaces out so much her mind gets lost on the way back. She’s stuck outside of her body for one extra hour and has to make an Uhm check in order to remember why she left her body in the rst place. Create Item – Spend a token on a suitable incapacitated enemy (“suitable” at the GM’s discretion) and render it into a garment, accessory, or weapon. Consult with the GM and the equipment tables to determine the exact item and its benets. On a fumble the target was not properly incapacitated and its life force lingers in the transformed object. Clothing and weapons come to life and will require being tamed through combat before being usable.
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Defensive Flaking – Roll a Hard Tits check. On a success, the caster is not considered to be engaging any other character, no other character is considered to be engaging her, and no character may target her for any purpose (friendly or hostile) for a full turn. This must be the only action the caster takes this turn. On a fumble the caster akes to the point of rendering herself completely open. The next attack roll against her is considered automatically
successful; don’t even roll for a fumble. The Difference is I Make This Look Good – Make a Medium Tits check and pay a Mana token to cast this spell. You may immediately make an attack that would normally be governed by Slap or Legs with a Tits check instead. On a fumble the attack is instead made using the character’s lowest stat. Friend-zone – Make a Medium Tits check to change the social disposition of a humanoid to Friendly. This spell may not be cast on a male that has attempted to engage another female character in the preceding round (he’s just not that interested in you, honey). On a
fumble the target may immediately engage with the caster, automatically disengaging with any other opponents. Future Lower Back Pain – Make a Medium Tits check and spend a Mana token. If successful, the caster effectively has a six score in Tits for the remainder of the scene. She takes off her glasses, lets her hair out, and straightens her shoulders, putting her gure on much better display. On a fumble mark the caster’s Tits stat as “disabled,” as though she had just been struck in combat. No Wardrobe Malfunction roll may be made to avoid this. The maneuver completely backres, leaving her hair a knotted mess, her bra strap twisted, and her self-condence rattled. Hands Off – When a Bimbo with Hands Off successfully uses a Wardrobe Malfunction or Flash to negate a melee attack, she may spend a token; the range of engagement with the attacker is shifted to whatever the Bimbo prefers, up to and including disengagement. On a fumble, the target may instead shift to the range of engagement it prefers, and may immediately make a grab attack against the caster.
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Magical Strike – Make a Medium Tits check and pay a Mana token to strike a single target with a potent blast of magical energy. This attack is not subtle at all, emitting a bright light and loud noise. It may take the form of ball of lightning, a dart of re, or a howling phantasmal skull. If the Tits check (and thus the attack) fails, the Bimbo does not net her token back. On a fumble, the Tittiemancer must pay a second Mana token or risk a Wardrobe Malfunction. Oh That’s Where I Put It – A Bimbo with OTWIPI that has had equipment damaged or destroyed during a scene may, immediately after the scene is resolved, make a Medium Tits check to discover that one of the objects was not actually harmed at all but was simply misplaced. Oops. This ability may only effect items that were in the immediate possession of the Bimbo with this ability when they were damaged or destroyed, and can only affect one item per scene. On a fumble, the caster instead discovers that another accessory or garment of hers has been damaged (consult with the GM to pick which one). Offensive Flaking – Roll a Hard Tits check. On a success, the target is not considered to engage others (though it may still be engaged by others that wish to). The target considers all other creatures (friend or foe) to be invisible and inaudible until it is struck by a damaging action or the scene ends. On a fumble, the caster accidentally affects her allies instead of her opponents. Friendly Bimbos may recover with a Medium Uhm check or upon being struck by an enemy. They Followed Me Home – This spell causes a garment or accessory the caster can see to animate as if worn by an invisible copy of the caster. It proceeds to do as mentally instructed by the caster for the remainder of the scene/combat. The difculty of the Tits check depends on who owns the item and whether it is already being worn or not. For objects owned by the caster, make an Easy check for an unattended item or a Medium check for an attended item. For objects not owned by the caster, make a Medium check for an unattended item or a Hard check for an attended/worn item. On a fumble, a less desirable article of clothing animates instead, or the item is placed in the direct control of the GM for the rest of the scene (either at the GM’s discretion). 126
NPC Spellcasting If appropriate to the concept for a non-Bimbo character, an NPC may have the ability to cast magical spells, as though she were a Tittiemancer. Non-Bimbo characters that can cast spells do not use tokens to do so. Non-Bimbo characters have simplied rules governing their characteristics, and this applies to spellcasting as well. All non-Bimbo spells use the caster’s One Stat at Medium difculty. Attack Spell – This spell allows the NPC to attack an opponent in combat in a manner that is thematically appropriate. Instead of using the Raising mechanic to affect multiple targets, the caster may opt to spend a single point of Plot Armor to hit multiple foes. No more targets may be affected than the caster’s One Stat.
Some thematic suggestions that may suit a particular NPC:
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Beams of Searing Light Bolts of Lightning
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Centipedes! Oh God! Centipedes Everywhere!
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Enervating Darkness
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Fiery Arrows
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Lance of Ice
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Spectral Claws
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Sprays of Acid
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Stones Fall From the Sky Wall of Dancing Swords
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Waves of Shrieking Noise
For purposes of rolling dice and determining damage, there is no real difference in the effects of the above themes. A lance of ice either hurts you or it doesn’t. Gaining some additional effect (such as lighting the target on re or ensnaring her in spiderwebs) should be applied through judicious use of the Raising mechanism. 127
Movement Spell – This spell allows a non-Bimbo character to cause one character to engage or disengage with another character. At the cost of one Plot Armor, the caster may affect multiple targets with a single attack. The number of targets affected may not be greater than the caster’s One Stat. Roll once for all targets.
At the cost of two Plot Armor, the caster may completely remove herself the conict (treat this as automatically succeeding at an attemptfrom to ee). This type of spell may come as summoning a forceful wind, shifting the ground underneath the target’s feet, an orbital Star Trek transporter shifting people around, or whatever is thematically appropriate for the caster. Suggestive Spell – This spell allows a non-Bimbo character to treat another character as Indifferent or better for the purposes of social interactions. When used against a player-controlled Bimbo, the target is entitled to a Medium Slap check on the following round to
snap back out of it back to her previous disposition. Suggestive spells normally take the form of the caster speaking with some kind of magical weight to her words or mesmerizing the target with spooky glowing or a hypnotic pattern. This may be overt and obvious to onlookers or not, at the Game Master’s discretion. Utility Spell – This spell allows a non-Bimbo character to manipulate an unattended object. It is generally limited to making an object do something it is normally meant to do (a door may open or close, a broom may sweep a oor, a lantern or torch may light itself, a switch or lever may ip, et cetera).
This is how witches get their brooms and mops to clean up for them. Not that you would ever know; every witch’s lair I’ve every been in has been a pig sty.
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Running a Game When you decide to play Busty Barbarian Bimbos, somebody gets to be the Game Master. This is the person with the most inuence on the story. This is the person with the most moving parts to ddle with. most in knobs dialsworld, and switches. all theis in characters and The creatures your and game’s the gameOf master charge of nearly all of them.
Preparation It is always a good idea to have a strong idea of what challenges you intend to throw in front of the Bimbos before a game session starts. Ideally these challenges should incorporate opportunities for each Bimbo to contribute in a way her player nds engaging. Don’t get too bogged down in the particulars, though; players will have their characters do things you did not expect, and you must also be prepared to change course during play. Due to the One Stat system for non-Bimbo characters, improvising encounters is simple. As a general guideline, give a bad-guy, creature, or antagonist a One Stat of three or four. If you mean to have the Bimbos outnumbered, lean toward three. If you mean to have the Bimbos outnumber their opponents, lean towards four or ve, and consider providing enough Plot Armor to allow the antagonist to act at least twice before the Bimbos have dispatched her. Critical hits can cut this short, but that’s OK; you want the Bimbos to win, just like the other players do. When planning for a game session, bear in mind that if there is going to be a lot of ghting going on, a fair amount of clothing is going to get destroyed.
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The Game Master Mindset It’s normal, expected, and probably good for each player to identify with her character, to share in her achievements and in her failures. A player’s emotional rollercoaster is hitched rmly to her Bimbo. Except for the one player that isn’t running a single heroine: the Game Master. She has to distance herself from the boutique clerks, monstrous octopi, and menacing traps that she directly controls. She has to set forth engaging situations and worthy challenges and then guide these creations gently towards failure.
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The Game Master succeeds when the rest of the players are having a good time. Getting attached to a non-Bimbo character can lead to a competitive attitude. With many games we seek always to win, to get the better die roll, to make the perfect tactical choice, to deliver the soul-crushing verbal retort that secures ultimate victory. The Game Master must resist these temptations and seek joy in her own fellowcharacters’ players. defeats. Or rather, to seek joy in the victories of her If you fail to provide opportunities for the Bimbos to replace their wardrobes, you are going to make things much more difcult.
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Creating Rewards “We are living in a material world and I am a material girl” – Benezir Bhutto It doesn’t matter whether they are looking through the racks at a boutique, riing through a treasure horde, looting the bodies of their fallen enemies, or custom-crafting a unique magic item. Bimbos love getting themselves nice new things. Before gathering to play, it is important to keep in mind what kinds of rewards your players might enjoy. Sometimes they will tell you outright: “I wish Caitlin the Mighty had a spear that shot lightning.” Other times you simply notice one or more player perk up at the mention of a specic garment type or material. Sometimes you just need to dole out some gold and jewels. Have some ideas about what the pay-off is going to be when you are putting together the pieces of a scenario. If there is a mighty chieftain, does she have tokens of her status and power that the players may get their hands on? Do the members of the rival dance team have anything the Bimbos might covet? If there is a contest, what is the prize? If there is a mysterious land, does it have any rare resources?
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Creating Scenarios A heroine is only as great as the adversity she overcomes. Making worthy opponents and difcult situations is one of the most important jobs for the Game Master. Take a look at the Scenario Seeds later in the book for one-size-ts-all plot elements. Do any of these strike you as something the people you play with would be immediately interested in? If you’re stumped coming up with a villain, roll up a random outt and think to yourself: “What kind of person would wear that? What kind of person would want one of the player characters to wear that? What trouble would that lead to?” Simple exercises like this can help get you from a blank page to a compelling plot hook pretty quickly. Once you have players on the hook, just reel them in and see where the story goes. Be ready with another hook before they nish what’s just caught their attention and you can run a game that runs for weeks, months, or years.
Play Aids & Props While spoken language is a wonderful medium for relating narratives and describing things, a picture or map or scrap of writing introduced appropriately can help tremendously. When preparing for play, nding photographs or drawing of people or creatures that represent non-Bimbo characters can be great for helping everybody engage in the story. Exotic locations that have real-world analogs can also be presented with pictures. Use the Internets.
The Terrible Burden of Math Almost no math is explicitly used during play, with even preschool-level counting kept to a minimum, but there is underlying math that can help in running a game. If you don’t want to accidentally overwhelm the Bimbos with a combat encounter, the number of opponents, the value of their One Stat, and the amount of Plot Armor (if any) they have will have a strong bearing. 133
A character will succeed on a Medium check with a target number of two about once out of every four tries. Against a target number of four this increases to nearly three successes for every four tries. Against a target number of three, you can expect a success every other try. You can see why a player may not jump at the chance to use her lower-valued stats. For Hardofchecks, things are signicantly more difcult. A target number four only succeeds a little under once for every three tries. Against a target number of two you can only expect to see success once for every twenty tries or so. The opposite is true for Easy checks; they’re called “easy” for a reason. Adjust your scenarios with this in mind, particularly with the stats and abilities of the Bimbos. If they are probably going to hit every time they attack, their opponents are going to need some Plot Armor to keep them alive long enough to be interesting. If they can’t talk their way out of a paper bag, make sure they have some clear alternatives available.
Shifting Difficulties Normally when you try to do something in Busty Barbarian Bimbos, you make a Medium check against the appropriate stat (or against a two if nothing seems appropriate). Need to climb over a rock wall? That’s a Medium Legs check. But what if there are other circumstances? Maybe a friend is giving you a boost. Just switch the difculty down to Easy. Maybe you aren’t getting a boost and somebody dumped a barrel of baby oil on you a moment ago? Just switch the difculty up to Hard. Think of shifting the difculty towards Easy as a reward for good ideas and good teamwork. Think of shifting the difculty towards Hard as encouraging the players to have their Bimbos work together or come up with a clever idea. Setting a difculty to Hard is an indirect way to encourage players to use their Legs or Uhm stats to improve their odds. If your players are ever discouraged by a Hard check, remind them that they may be able to nd a way to shift it back up with good ideas and good teamwork. 134
Targeting Stats In a verbal argument, NPCs will generally target the Uhm or Tits of a Bimbo. In a ght, NPCs will generally target the Slap or Legs. That isn’t always the case, and a Game Master should be prepared to describe actions against any of the four stats as the need arises. lap – Socially, an action that might target Slap might include an appeal to etiquette and social norms. Invoking peer pressure can have a strong effect in stiing aggressive, Slap-based behavior. Nobody gets shot at Taco Cabeza. Nobody.
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egs – Socially targeting Legs is a tough sell, but Legs is a tough stat to use effectively in a social environment, barring a discotheque showdown.
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hm – In a ght, Uhm often represents a Bimbo’s awareness of her surroundings and her insight into how things might
work to herbe advantage or disadvantage. a simple blow to the head could said to deny a woman herWhile intellect for a moment, dazzling her with a bright light, throwing sand in her eyes, or acting in a amboyant, nonsensical way can also produce confusion and effectively attack a Bimbo’s Uhm stat.
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its – A great rack and a tight booty are great assets in any situation, but presentation is everything. Targeting Tits in a ght is a fairly straightforward proposition: mess her hair up, sting her eyes so her mascara runs, slap her in the face so her cheek’s bright red, the list goes on and on. Hurtful, condence-shaking language, the
kinds of things you expect to year twelve-year-old girls say to each other that result in years of therapy and eating disorders. Most girls are experts at this style of emotional violence. A classic go-to is simply to accuse your opponent of being a fat slut.
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General Guidelines A few pointers that can be broadly-applied to the duties of the Game Master: Players should not be punished for erring on the side of being girly, sexy, bold, or funny. There’s a ne line between having a Bimbo die because she base-jumped off the top of a skyscraper without a parachute and having a monster bite a heroine’s face off because a player described her as touching up her makeup in the middle of a ght. If a player’s decision is putting smiles on everybody’s faces and engaging everybody’s imagination, that’s a good thing. Game Masters mustn’t get too strongly attached to a preconceived version of how events are going to unfold. You can put a lot of thought and effort into presenting a scenario and will naturally have some ideas of what will happen. This is great, as it puts you in a good position to guide your fellow players when they ounder and ailshe about. one of ayour someis course of action wantsWhen to take, nd way players to workasserts it in. This a sign that she’s engaged and interested in play developing in that direction. Cheating is bad, but people not having fun is worse. If things are going poorly for our bodacious protagonists, resist both the temptation to crush the Bimbos into the dirt and the urge to hand out completely hollow victories. Play it straight with your dice. Roll out in the open where everybody can see that it’s those cursed little cubes dashing their hopes, not their beloved, friendly, supportive, charming Game Master. Maybe you can fudge the difculty of a check in the Bimbos’ favor, but try to do so only where there’s some benet of the doubt to be judged. Speaking of fudging in a player’s favor, don’t be afraid to kill off a player’s character or crush her plans. We can form strong attachment to our in-game personae, but without some sense of risk of failure there’s a lot less dramatic tension.
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Non-Bimbo Characters Most of the players at the table are controlling a single character each: a off heroic Bimbo on some adventure or other. Everybody else is a Non-Bimbo Character (or NPC). Since the Game Master will frequently need to create new NPCs on the y, she may benet from a few pre-made examples, hence this chapter. The following list is by no means comprehensive, but meant to provide a Game Master with a baseline rogues gallery and easy reference. When in doubt, throw some bad-guys at the Heroines for them to interact with. Not all Non-Bimbo Characters will have a hostile attitude towards the Bimbos, but you generally don’t need any stats or rules for helpful and indifferent characters.
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Agents of Civilization Though long past its apex, civilization has recovered from the Manking apocalypse somewhat, with survivors, opportunists, and lost souls gathering together into massive hive-cities cobbled together under the watchful eyes of Man-king tyrants. The tyrant’s gaze is generally averted, as they are busy people that can’t always sweat the small details of running an empire repressing millions of subjects. As a result, the millions of repressed subjects spend most of their time without the benet of any real repression at all. Some agents of civilization are inherently hostile, but not all.
Aestheticians It is often suggested there is a bright line separating the civilized from the savage. is whether you have to get your by the same lady thatItdoes your nails. Aestheticians arehair vitaldone specialists that protect against the constant threat of split ends and unsightly callouses. Bian Chi: (Mani-pedi 5) Bian Chi is just an absolute treasure. She works tirelessly to leave the skin on your feet soft as a baby’s bottom, and does an outstanding parafn manicure. Bridgitte: (Epilation 4, Plot Armor 3) This woman is a physically intimidating, crass, brutal masochist responsible for keeping unwanted hair at bay. Using a combination of lasers, razors, hot
wax, and as a callous disregard for theevil, painkey of to others, Bridgitte regarded a fearful but necessary maintaining theis delicate balance of civilized life. Agnes: (Tinting 4) Agnes has been doing hair since your mother was a little girl, but somehow still keeps up with all the latest trends. She is well-versed in scissor techniques, coloring, and styling for over a hundred and fty hair and scalp types.
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Eunuch Soldier Emasculated by the evil Man-kings, these ex-men serve as fodder on the elds of slaughter, keep watch on the walls of the Mankings’ citadels, and patrol the streets of the teeming slave-cities. They are almost always hostile to attractive women and are considered to have a point of Plot Armor for social purposes. If you nd yourself withbad a Eunuch purchase,competing girl; they have taste. while shopping, reconsider your Eunuch Soldier: (Sexless Soldiering 3, Plot Armor 1) Eunuch Soldiers are normally found wielding weapons, wearing armor, and sweating profusely. An individual Eunuch Soldier isn’t a serious threat to an individual Bimbo, much less a group of them. Eunuch Lieutenant: (Sexless Soldiering 3, Plot Armor 5) Nearly always found in the company of numerous Eunuch Soldiers, a Eunuch Lieutenant is somewhat more competent than his fellows. He isn’t necessarily more dangerous, just endowed with a bit more
mental inertia; it’s hard to talk a Eunuch Lieutenant into anything. Eunuch Champion: (Sexless Soldiering 5, Plot Armor 3) The paragon of useful emasculated servants, the Eunuch Champion is nearly indistinguishable from the typical Eunuch Soldier until interacted with. Sharp of wit and quick with a blade, the Eunuch Champion is rather formidable and thankfully quite rare. Eunuch Seneschal: (Paper Pushing 4, Plot Armor 5) These functionaries slowly squeeze wealth, productivity, joy, and freedom from the hive-cities not through brute force but through a mountain of paperwork and labyrinths of red tape. A Seneschal’s One Stat and
Plot Armor are useful in a social interaction, but do not apply if things come to blows. Harem Girl: (Chattel 3, Plot Armor 1) many of the more attractive young women in the hive-cities are pressed into service in the kings’ expansive harems. There’s only so much time in a king’s busy schedule, so most Harem Girls never actually meet their owner, spending all of their time locked away socializing and scheming with each other in lavish apartments, guarded by Eunuch Soldiers. 139
Hipsters An unavoidable consequence of large numbers of people living in close proximity to each other is a need to establish social cliques and in-groups. Most urban rabble are participants in such structures, but some actively seek to buck the trends they perceive around them. They band together in groups that are too cool to try to cool andcarelessness. meticulously manufacture a carefully-constructed air of be contrived Fake Geek Girl: (OMGROLFMAOing 3, Plot Armor 2) Clad in fashion that’s intentionally one season out-of-date and a pair of thick-rimmed glasses she doesn’t need, this nerd poseur spends most of her time poking away at her smartphone, taking photos of her food, and spewing malformed approximations of nerd-speak. In social conict instead of sacricing Plot Armor to negate an Uhm-based attempt to inuence, she may load up an app that provides her with an ironic retort. The Fake Geek Girl has an unlimited number of apps, rendering her effectively immune to intellectual
inuence. Instagram Bulimic: (Filtering 3, Plot Armor 1) possessed of an odd eating disorder that causes her to obsessively take photographs of any meal she would otherwise eat, this girl could probably put more food in her mouth than online, but never will. Skinny-Jeans Guy: (None 2) Yeah, these pants would look better on a girl, I get it. Skinny-Jeans Guy is a Typical Male that has been enlightened about the struggles of the working class and the occupied people and the plight of the environment and is ghting the system by wearing a scarf and growing out a peachfuzz beard. He can often be found wearing the tee-shirt of a band you’ve never heard of and feebly seeking the company of Fake Geek Girls. The Bass Player from That One Band : (Obscurity 3) This sometimes-gloried Typical Male is said to have some degree of musical talent, having played bass guitar for an indy band you think you might have seen play live one time a few years back. His One Stat is useful for avoiding any actual demonstration of competence with his instrument. Otherwise he is just another Skinny-Jeans Guy. 140
Rabble You can’t swing a hip in the crowded hive-cities of the Man-kings without hitting some rabble or other. They’re everywhere. There are millions of them. Rabble can be found everywhere there are masses of people; they’re the very masses themselves! When items are signicantly marked down by sales, rabble can sometimes be found shopping, though theytheir are rarely aggressive the context of Black Friday or when local sports club outside wins a playoff game. Rabble: (Rabbling 3) Rabble generally punch, grab, and trample in combat, and almost never have the will to get into a ght if they don’t massively outnumber an opponent. Punches are used at Normal range, Grabs at Skin-to-Skin range, and Tramples only on prone characters. Easy to work with socially, as they tend to go along with whatever each other are thinking at the moment.
Spirits Many of the hazards of civilization are not directly caused by the cities’ inhabitants, but by residual energies left behind by their trials, tribulations, joys, and sorrows. Powerful spirits haunt the alleyways, tenements, saloons, and factories of the hive cities. Cobbler Elves: (Helpful 3) A Cobbler Elf infestation is a serious problem. These helpful, industrious spirits appear with their nimble little hands and unimpeachable work ethic when a factory oor boss’s despair about meeting deadlines reaches critical mass. Soon the factory’s work orders are all fullled and the regular employees have no work to do. Cobbler Elves are frequently cited as amajor factor in rampant urban unemployment. Their Helpful stat is used for crafting goods, operating industrial machinery, hiding, and negotiating. They use the default target of two for anything else. Cocktail Spectre: (Credit 3, plot armor 4) Many urban pubs, bars, saloons, and nightclubs are haunted by Cocktail Spectres, invisible spirits that manifest the residual desire of men to buy pretty women drinks in hopes of getting them to behave irresponsibly. Whenever a group of Bimbos enters an establishment haunted by a Cocktail Spectre, it will attempt to buy them drinks, using its Credit stat to in 141
an attempt to make them dance on table-tops, make out with other women, take their clothes off in public, or something similar. Any failed Credit check deals the Cocktail Spectre damage. When its plot armor is spent, it must withdraw from the bar until payday. Compound Interest: (Accounting 3, plot armor 5) a mysterious little troll that tries to sneak into purses and ruin credit cards. Its
Accounting stat may used to hideand or to attackana attack Bimbo’s credit cards. It hides in itsbe victim’s purse makes against whatever credit card she attempts to use while shopping. A Bimbo is entitled to a Medium Uhm check to detect the creature’s presence any time she is given a receipt for a purchase. Upon discovery, the creature will attempt to hide again with a Medium check. If successful, a Bimbo looking for it may attempt a single Hard Uhm check to nd it again. Vodka: (Girl Drink 5) of all the spirits, perhaps none is a greater threat to Bimbo culture than Vodka. It may use its One Stat to combine with fruit juices, sodas, and other liquors into a dizzying array
of cocktails and aperitifs. Vodka can affect a Bimbo’s Slap by rendering her giggly and friendly, she Legs by inducing clumsiness and an inability to walk in high heels, Uhm by clouding her judgment, and in severe cases can affect Tits through nausea and vomiting.
Barbarians Many nd freedom in the jungles, mountains, and untamed wastelands preferable to the teeming crowds of the hive cities.
Bulldykes The wild Bulldyke is a terror to behold, the descendants of women who seized upon the Man-kings’ magics and have harnessed a form of manliness for their own purposes. Typical Bulldyke: (Dyking 4, Plot Armor 1) Bulldykes, like Bimbos and other humans, are capable of using weapons, substituting Dyking for Slap or Legs as appropriate. Bulldykes are notoriously ineffective at social conict, resorting easily to violence. 142
Alpha Bulldyke: (Dyking 4, Plot Armor 3) Tougher than the typical Bulldyke, the Alpha Bulldyke uses her copious armpit and leg hair to work magic akin to Tittiemancy. They are frequently in possession of magic weapons and power tools. Warrior Maiden: (Dyking 4, Plot Armor 4) Thought by many to be the evolutionary pinnacle of the Bulldyke bloodline, the Warrior
Maiden indistinguishable from a Bimbo at rst glance. scientistsistheorize that Warrior Maiden Bulldykes can be, Bimbo with careful handling and a makeup consultation, be fully integrated as productive homosexual members of Bimbo society.
Feral Bimbo The Feral Bimbo is the dark side of jungle-based Bimbo culture. They don’t coordinate their accessories properly, wear white after Labor Day, and are often aggressive physically and socially towards other Bimbos. Feral Bimbos are almost never found engaged in the noble act of shopping, choosing instead to vandalize and intimidate legitimate shoppers. Sometimes shopkeepers will offer discounts to Bimbos that can rid them of a feral Bimbo infestation. Feral Bimbo: (Jungle Boogie 4, Plot Armor 2) A particular Feral Bimbo may have any ability a player-character Bimbo might have, and may be similarly armed. NPC Bimbo: (Tits 4, Plot Armor 3) Though the players are in charge of the most prestigious, stylish, popular, and formidable Bimbos, they aren’t the only ones around. NPC Bimbos frequently have valuable garments and accessories.
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Pygmy Cannibals When the Man-kings leeched the manliness from the world around them, the effect mostly happened about three feet above the ground, leaving Pygmy Warriors mostly unaffected. They remain to this day erce and proud savages with a taste for human esh. They generally have no facial hair, however, and are no good at climbing things. Pygmy Warrior: (Cannibalizing 3) Typically encountered in groups, attacking from ambush, pygmy cannibals prefer to ght with spears and poisoned blowdarts. Blowdart poison can affect Slap, Legs, or Uhm at range. Pygmy warriors like to scamper away from combat, and are treated as though they have the Bounce ability. Pygmy Witch Internist: (Bad Mojo 4, Plot Armor 4) The Witch Internist is a specialist Witch Doctor dealing mostly with referrals from Witch General Practitioners regarding diseases the WGP couldn’t diagnose. Capable of spellcasting, a Pygmy Witch Internist
will frequently attempt to get a series of blood and urine samples before re-referring a patient to yet another specialist.
Creatures Chompers Swarms of Chompers roam the badlands, razing everything in their path, consuming anything edible they come across, from trees to people to small rocks. Looking like a small beach-ball with spindly legs, beady eyes, and a gigantic mouth, an individual Chomper isn’t much of a threat to anybody, but their appetite, numbers, and aggressive behavior make them a serious danger to anybody attempting to cross the badlands or live near it. A Chomper’s diet has an effect on its behavior, physiology, and color. Many varieties are possible, but four common types are listed below: Green Chomper: (Chomping 2) For some reason Green Chompers don’t eat plants. Maybe they already had their ll? Green Chompers can hide among plants with an Easy check. 144
Red Chomper: (Chomping 2) Red Chompers like eating metal. A Bimbo attacked by a Red Chomper that risks a garment made of metal it is automatically lost, and no additional harm is done from that attack. A Bimbo may also sacrice a non-garment metal object she has readily on-hand (including accessories or weapons). Any Red Chomper that gets some metal in this way is incapacitated; it spends the rest of the encounter chewing noisily on its food. Orange Chomper: (Chomping 2) Most Chompers are Orange in color. Orange Chompers will try to eat anything. A Bimbo attacked by an Orange Chomper that risks a garment of any kind automatically loses it. A Bimbo may also sacrice any non-garment object she has readily on-hand (including accessories, weapons, small rocks, furniture, prosthetic limbs, whatever). Any Orange Chomper that gets an object in this way is incapacitated; it spends the rest of the encounter chewing messily at its food. Champagne Chomper: (Chomping 2) The Champagne Chomper is a nicky eater. A Bimbo attacked by such a Chomper that risks
a garment with a precious metal or gem automatically loses that garment. A Bimbo may also sacrice any non-garment object with precious metals or stones that she has on-hand to avoid harm from a Champagne Chomper attack. Any Champagne Chomper that gets a precious object in this way is incapacitated; it spends the rest of the encounter slobbering all over the object.
Dinosaurs Biologists and paleontologists have been unable to explain the rise of several species of giant reptiles since the collapse of civilization and the rise of Bimbo culture. Or maybe they have. The important part is that these giant lizard precursors to the birds are back. Dinosaurs all use the default target number of two for social interactions. Ankylosaurus: (Bashy Club Tail 4, Plot Armor 10) These dinosaurs are slow and usually docile, unless they get spooked and trample everything in their path. Their tail-clubs can smash stone. Tribes of jungle-dwelling Bimbos often use them as beasts of burden or mounts. A slow creature, Ankylosaurs use the default target value of two for movement purposes. 145
Brontosaurus : (Bro-ing, 5, Plot Armor 15) The massive Brontosaurus always appears suddenly as travelers emerge into a clearing, having somehow gone unseen in the distance. The Brontosaurus has an extremely long neck, eats only plants, and is known for being hella cool bros. I don’t know why a Bimbo would end up ghting one, but it’s rumored that some Pygmy Cannibals have built entire villages on Brontosaurus backs. Icthyosaurus: (Phelpsing 4, Plot Armor 8) an Incthyosaur is an aquatic dinosaur. It’s like a reptile dolphin. But it doesn’t do tricks. If you want an aquatic dinosaur that does tricks, that would be a Hookersaurus, which will show you a good time, but probably also give you the clap. An Icthyosaurus can use its One Stat for striking, grabbing, and swimming, but not for land movement. Pterodactyl: (Terrorizing 4, Plot Armor 3) The Pterodactyl is the funny-looking bird-dinosaur that’s supposed to be all scary in the movies but ends up looking like a goofy bat with a beak. It swoops down from cliff faces and tries to carry victims away. Attempting to
grab a victim uses its One Stat, but trying to y with a victim uses a default target number of two. Tastes like chicken. Triceratops: (Horning 4, Plot Armor 6) these three-horned plant-eaters do not eat people, but are inexplicably fond of trampling and gorging them. Go gure. Mob Raptor: (Steady Mobbin’ 3) Almost always found in groups, a Mob Raptor prefers to engage and ank, and rip its prey to pieces with its sharp hind-claws and needle-like teeth. Stegosaurus : (Spiking 4, Plot Armor 4) a gentle herbivore that
would never hurt anybody. But has gigantic spikes on its tail that would totally hurt anybody. This callous, uncaring killing machine will swat down an innocent bystander just by walking by, its murderous tail swiping back and forth unconsciously. The stegosaurus feels no pity for the families of its victims. Tyrant Lizard: (T-Rexing 5, Plot Armor 6) The mighty Tyrannosaurus Rex is big and toothy and has comically-small front claws. Isn’t that adorable? It can attack with its bite at Normal range, and can stomp at Skin-to-Skin range. 146
Giant Gorilla A Giant Gorilla is more than just a thinly-veiled allusion to people of African descent being scary, they’re also credible foes for Busty Bimbos. They live in the jungle, as do many Bimbos, they’re big, physically imposing, and t a number of closely-related genres well, particularly if you give one a human-like mind and make it intent on world domination. Giant Gorilla: (Gorillaing 5, Plot Armor 1) A Giant Gorilla will typically attack a Bimbo’s Slap rating by striking with closed sts at Normal range, attack her Tits by tearing at her outt and messing up her hair and makeup at Skin-to-Skin range, or her Legs by grabbing at Normal or Skin-to-Skin range. A Giant Gorilla makes grab checks as an Easy Gorillaing check when at Skin-to-Skin range. Smart Gorilla: (Gorillaing 4, Plot Armor 5) A Smart Gorilla is often found at the head of a band of Giant Gorillas. Somewhat smaller than his fellow great apes, the Smart Gorilla is capable of
complex thoughts and planning, and has signicantly more leeway in the use of his One Stat.
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Monster Girls Sometimes you call a bitch a harpy because of her attitude. It’s a metaphor meant to strike at her unpleasant disposition. Sometimes you really mean she’s a monster with clawed feet and wings. Monster Girls cover a broad spectrum of creatures, generally following the formula of “woman with the [blank] of a [blank] that [blanks] your [blank]”. Catgirl : (Nyao~ing 4, Plot Armor 9) a Catgirl is, oddly, a girl with the ears and tail of a domesticated cat. They frequently exhibit feline behaviors such as self-grooming, sociopathy, and suddenly dashing from one place to another for no conceivable reason. They are known to sleep twenty to twenty-two hours per day and are invariably ungrateful in response to offers of food or affection. Daemonette: (Naughtying 4, Plot Armor 2) a Daemonette is a girl with just enough demon features to let you know she’s clearly no good; maybe some short horns on her forehead, some black bat-
wings, a barbed devil tail, that kind of thing. Her skin is generally purple or red, and she will normally try to corrupt you into doing things you would normally think completely taboo, like talking to guys that play collectible card-games or wearing Crocs. Drider: (Drowing 4, Plot Armor2) a Drider is a creature with the torso, head, and arms of a girl mounted on top of a giant spider. She is capable of spinning webs and climbing up walls. They typically live in vast underground caverns, and have an irrational fear of rolled-up newspapers. Dryad: (Enting 3, Plot Armor 8) a Dryad is a woodland spirit
inhabiting a tree. They are capable of animating their tree, causing it to walk around on its roots and swing around its branches like arms. They are known to be extremely self-conscious about their skin, which they’re often afraid is turning barky. They can be a bit clingy once they make a new friend, texting and calling several times a day and taking great offense at perceived slights. Harpy: (Nagging 3, Plot Armor 4) a Harpy is a woman with the feet and wings of a bird of prey. Their high-pitched shrieks can act as a ranged attack against an opponent’s Uhm stat. Harpies are 148
known to hold grudges for years, bringing up bothersome old complaints over and over again. Medusa: (Ugly 5, Plot Armor 5) a Medusa is an extremely ugly woman with hair made of snakes. She’s so ugly that looking at her requires a Hard Uhm or Slap check (Bimbo’s choice). Failing this check results in the Bimbo hesitating and having to re-roll for ini-
tiative round. Medusae this do not turn anybodyNobody. to stone; nobodynext looks at something uglyactually and gets rock-hard. Mermaid : (Hans Christian Andersening 4, Plot Armor 3) a Mermaid is simply a woman with lower body of a sh. Will sometimes be found in clothing boutiques shopping to tops, but never for shoes or bottoms. If somehow transformed into a human, will typically become a
Hipster. Naga: (Slithering 3, Plot Armor 5) Like a terrestrial mermaid, the Naga has the upper body of a girl and the lower body of a snake. Unlike Mermaids, Nagas are highly aggressive, deceptive, and likely to have access to magic and carry weapons. They frequently go topless but wear lots of jewelry. Succubus: (Skanking 3, Plot Armor 2) the Succubus is a way to introduce scantily-clad beautiful women into a roleplaying game. Their presence in a Busty Barbarian Bimbos game is entirely superuous. Due to the lack of mojo to be found in a Typical Male, such demonic creatures rarely have cause to visit Dark Moon. 149
Snakes Greater even than the Giant Gorilla as a metaphor in animal form, the snake is an excellent close-quarters opponent for a lone Bimbo that is cut off from her allies. Game Masters are warned that even a hypnotizing demon-python does not present a credible threat to a cooperative party of adventuring Bimbos. Python: (Pythoning 4, Plot Armor 1) The giant Bimbo-eating Python prefers to subdue its prey by attacking Uhm with its hypnotic gaze This can be done at both Normal and Skin-to-Skin range. Failing this, it will often attempt to and crush its prey. It is considered to have the Rawr ability. Viper: (Slinking 3) the Viper, or any other poisonous snake, moves silently up to its victim, availing itself of small crevices and holes to sneak up from unexpected directions to deliver its venomous strike. On a failed Wardrobe Malfunction attempt, a target struck by a Viper’s bite is immediately incapacitated. Vipers, in large quantities,
are a great creature to put in a pit of writhing menace.
Tiger Tigers are canny hunters that work alone (hence the high Plot Armor). A Tiger will be hard-pressed not to pursue delicious Bimbo meat, and its distinctive pelt can produce visually striking garments and accessories. Conict between tigers and Bimbos may be inevitable. Tiger: (Tigering 4, Plot Armor 5) A Tiger will typically attack a Bimbo’s Slap rating by scratching with its claws at Normal range,
biting at Normal or Skin-to-Skin range, or raking with its hind claws at Skin-to-Skin range. A Tiger can grab, and is considered to have the Rawr and DTF abilities. White Tiger: (Tigering 4, Plot Armor 5) Just like a regular Tiger, but better at performing on-stage in Vegas. All attempts to jump through hoops (aming or otherwise) are made one degree less difcult.
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Yetis Rugged creatures that long hid in the remote mountains and deep forests. Yetis are large, hairy, and foul-smelling, with fearsome tusks and jagged claws. They lurch about like men with poor posture, and are prone to back pain, ankle problems, and halitosis. Though they look like dangerous predators, their favorite foods are raisins and spaghetti. of great to grapple,Though subdue,capable and kidnap theirphysical victims.destruction, they prefer Yeti: (Squatching 4, Plot Armor 3) The great Northern Yeti typically lives in snowy mountain ranges and glaciers, and has shaggy white hair from head to toe. They have enormous feet and large, clumsy hands. While they rarely interact with Bimbo civilizations, they occasionally raid settlements and kidnap women, grabbing them and taking them away to their ice caves where they host interminable parties with weak tea and no music. It is unclear whether their victims freeze to death or die of boredom. Not-Yeti: (Deviltry 4, Plot Armor 4) The lesser-known Southern Yeti is a far-less-populous distant cousin of the better-known Northern Yeti. Instead of the thick white coats of their cousins they have greasy black hair that leaves bits of their ruddy, sunburned skin exposed. Yuck. They dwell in canyons and ravines of the badlands, competing with Chompers for scarce resources. Not-Yetis are generally understood to throw much better parties, but sooner or later get hungry and eat their guests. Maybe-Laters: (Chilling 4, Plot Armor 6) The elusive Maybe-Laters are relatives of Yetis and Not-Yetis, and share many of their cousins’ characteristics. Huge? Check. Tusks? Yep. Gigantic feet? Of course. Maybe-Laters are a coastal Yeti variant, spending much of their time on primitive piers and sailboats, venturing forth in oral-print shirts and ip-ops sandals in search of rum. Maybe-Laters are universally understood to be excellent hosts, serving fruity cocktails, hors d’oeuvres, and breezy ukelele-intensive music before dropping off their guests and sailing off into the dawn. Extremely easy-going and friendly, the most dangerous thing about a Maybe-Later abduction is that they often release their guests on strange shores, inadvertently exposing them to other dangers. 151
Men Men are like a larger, smellier, stupid version of women. They are emotionally unavailable, nearly incapable of interacting meaningfully with other people, and are generally unsuitable for anything useful other than helping women produce daughters from time to time. They aren’t very good at that, either. In the world of Busty Barbarian Bimbos they mostly exist as background NPCs, and to serve as comedic fodder by tripping and falling on dog poo. Or something similarly dignied.
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Typical Male The Typical Male, deprived of his manliness by the foul magics of the Man-kings, is a pitiful thing to behold. He lacks enthusiasm, appreciation for sports, competence with hand-tools, and is barely capable of thirty seconds of sexual activity before passing out from exertion and shame. The Typical Male makes all checks against the default target number of two, lacking any signicant single stat. Typical Male: (none, 2) the typical male is not procient at much, although they are said to be much better listeners than before the rise of the Man-kings. When interacting with Bimbos, they are prone to awkward attempts at conversation and premature ejaculation.
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Typical Man-king There is no such thing as a typical Man-king. Each is a singular unholy paragon of masculinity and an evil force of nature unto himself. They almost never cooperate with each other, each harboring deep grudges against his rivals. There are myths and rumors of a powerful artifact capable of denying a Man-king his manliness, bypassing histo powerful Plot Armor, but surely an epic quest would be necessary obtain it. Chest Rockwell: (Manning 6, Plot Armor 10) Chest is perfectly adept at hand-to-hand and ranged combat, mustache and lawn maintenance, barbecue cooking, sports history, automotive repair, and sexual prowess.
Even when denied his Manning stat, this Man-king is considered to have a default target number of 5 in any task related to the above. Chest Rockwell may expend a point of his Plot Armor to make a female that can see him immediately achieve orgasm, negating the target’s Uhm and Tits attributes. No check is necessary; this attack is not subject to negation by Wardrobe Malfunction. His eunuch armies are highly-disciplined and maintain strong logistics. Through divination, prophecy, or research it may be possible to uncover Rockwell’s secret weakness, a barbecue sauce recipe he uses to replenish his power. If served with smoked ribs (beef or pork), this sauce can completely restore manliness to a Typical Male. For every man thus restored, permanently reduce Rockwell’s Plot Armor by one. If reduced to zero Plot armor in this way, his supernatural power is undone, all of his great works begin to crumble, his lawn sprouts crab grass, and his Fantasy Football team starts losing. President Camacho: (Manning 6, Plot Armor 10) President-for-life of the United State of Merikah, President Camacho is a forty-seven-time international professional wrestling champion, former Navy Seal that personally assassinated two hundred and ten second-in-command leaders in Al Qaeda, personally murdered Adolf Hitler, John F. Kennedy and John Lennon, and holds the standing record for the greatest ever quantity of Lowenbrau consumed during a single keg-stand. 154
Even when denied his Manning stat, this Man-king is considered to have a default target number of 5 for any task involving being stubborn, violent, or consuming alcohol. President Camacho can expend a point of his Plot Armor make any Typical Male within sight attempt to emulate him, granting them a temporary Manning stat of four for a single action. His armies consist mostly of poorly-trained eunuch grunts whose primary function is to provide witnesses to Camacho’s fearsome battleeld mastery. President Camacho’s terrible secret, key to undoing his terrible power, is his Samsonesque hair, which is an elaborate hairpiece carefully glued in place. Careful research of Camacho’s old Facebook posts can reveal that his hairline made a steady retreat years ago, but mysteriously recovered during his rise to power. Camacho may attempt a Plot Armor check against a target number of 3 to prevent having his toupee torn from his head. Should he ever lose his “hair,” President Camacho is reduced to a One Stat of Balding 3, though he retains his remaining Plot Armor. Razor Ramon Sumitomo: (Manning 6, Plot Armor 10) Unique among the Man-kings for his complete disinterest in womanizing, Hard Gay (as he is known to his subjects) is perhaps also the most benevolent of the Man-kings. He is frequently found roaming the streets of his demesne in leather short-shorts and a vest, assisting people with their daily tasks while making lewd hip-thrusting gestures.
Even when denied his Manning stat, this Man-king is considered to have a default target number of ve for any task that does not involve trying to woo a female or be subtle. Hard Gay may sacrice a point of Plot Armor to render a single target Friendly towards him. His eunuch armies are amboyantly dressed and highly-disorganized. What they lack in discipline and order they make up for with enthusiasm and disco music. Hard Gay has no known weakness, aside from his exuberant helpfulness and winning personality. He is rumored to possess a large collection of hand-painted miniature army men, though what use it may be in bringing him low is unknown at this time.
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Shopkeepers Barterer This is not so much a shopkeeper as an entrepreneur. She wants to work out exactly the most advantageous deal possible, and is one of the merchants are credit likely to encounterabout that isthe willing sell few goods but doesBimbos not accept (something fees).to Bartering Betty: (Horse-trading 5, Plot Armor 1) Betty’s horse-trading stat negates all advantages granted by credit cards.
Minimum Wage Slave This chick’s just holding down a job to keep mom off her back, and maybe for a little store credit. Off-shift, she may be a Bimbo in her own right, but here she is disinterested and disengaged. Jenny : (Shirking Plot Armor 5)primarily Jenny doesn’t want tothe be Cashier here right now. Her4,Shirking stat is used really to verbally avoid confrontation. Her stat is negated by any Credit Card item, reducing her to the default target number of 2 and negating her Plot Armor.
Overenthusiastic New Chick A future Minimum Wage Slave, this employee hasn’t had the joy and optimism ground out of her by the tedium of her job and an unceasing stream of difcult customers. Errin the Cashier: (Management Material 4, Plot Armor 3) Errin can’t wait to provide you with excellent customer service. She frequently checks in on you, offers color coordination advice, and interrupts you in the dressing room. Somebody’s going to have to smack some sense into her some day.
The Little Old Lady She must be at least a hundred years old, and acts as though she’s nearly blind and deaf, but this shrewd old hag has been in business 156
since your grandmother was in diapers, and she knows every trick in the book. Mrs. McPruder: (Old Haggling 5, Plot Armor 5) Mrs. McPruder is exceptionally difcult to intimidate, atter, or trick. Her Old Haggling stat is completely negated by any Credit Card item, reducing her to the default target number of 2 and negating her Plot Armor.
Shoppers That Skinny Bitch This leathery anorexic thinks she’s all that, and there’s no way she’d pull that outt off like you could. Skinny bitches tend to travel in over-tanned packs. Skinny Bitch (Bonying 3) Skinny Bitches can wield weapons, but generally opt not to.
The Coupon Lady This shopper came fully prepared to get precisely the deal she was looking for. She probably already tried the item on when it was at regular price, and gets to act once before any rival in a shopping conict due to her heightened state of readiness. Coupon Lady (Snipping 4) Coupon ladies often wield scissors.
The Liposuction Candidate There’s no way this lady is going to t into that miniskirt, but God help anybody that tries to tell her she’s not a size two anymore. Lardass (Lardassing 5, Plot Armor 2) the Liposuction Candidate is one of the few common types of shoppers that is both frequently armed with proper weapons and is willing to use Plot Armor for Wardrobe Malfunctions. Whenever a Lardass successfully uses her Plot Armor, all rivals that make attacks against her do so at one step greater difculty (Easy → Medium → Hard) for the rest of the conict; you didn’t want to see that. 157
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Exhilarating Example Exploits The following are three brief adventures suitable for getting a game going. Everything heresample assumes a loosely-dened post-apocalyptic setting that is a cross between stone-age barbarism, magic, and science ction.
High Noon A mercantile scenario for one or two Bimbos Everybody in town was excited; this day had been a long time in coming. Finally the merchant caravan from the distant land of Jimmy Choo was on its way, set to arrive and open up for business in the downtown fountain plaza at twelve-o’clock noon Wednesday. The sling-backs, wedges, and strappy stilettos of Choo are highly sought after for their rarity, craftsmanship, and aesthetics. What a privilege it was going to be. That was a week ago. Yesterday, however, a gang of Skinny Bitches showed up from their beach-side château. They’ve been ashing their jewelry and platinum cards around all over the town, intimidating the locals and making it clear that they’re going to get the pick of the coveted footwear. Will this aggression stand? Can the villagers be rallied to action, or will our Heroines stand alone?
Adversaries There are a reasonably-daunting number of Skinny Bitches in comparison to the number of Heroines involved. Four Skinny Bitches (bonying 3) per Bimbo should do. Throw in one Alpha Bitch (bonying 4) with three Plot Armor per Bimbo as their leader. The Skinny Bitches have distinctively high-class names like Aleetzia, Carleesha , Fantaisa, and Shanaynay. Their leader is Courtney. 159
Notable NPCs Avarice Wong, The Merchant of Choo (Old Haggling 5, Plot Armor 9) – The master of the Jimmy Choo caravan is a shrewd middle-aged shopkeeper of rened tastes. She will calmly refuse to do business with any
party until the predetermined time,
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and will sell her wares without preference to Bimbo, Skinny Bitch, and Townsfolk alike. As with normal little old lady shopkeepers, Ms. Wong is vulnerable to credit-cards, denied her Plot Armor against them. Caravan Guards (Guarding 4, Plot Armor 2) – The Jimmy Choo caravan is accompanied by a number of guards equal to the number
of used for thefor scenario. Their Guarding stat These and PlotSkinny ArmorBitches are available both social and combat checks. are hard-ass chicks, each clad in leather pants and bustier, wielding spears. Cowardly Townsfolk (Cowering 4) – There are about twenty young women in the village that by all rights should be sticking up for themselves and attempting to augment their wardrobes. For any purpose other than avoiding confrontations, these women use the default target number of two. Prudence MacGruder, Frugal Fearmonger (Prudence 4, Plot
Armor – This womanShe is more interested making sensible choices3) than in fashion. is well aware ofinthe premium prices demanded by the Merchant of Choo, and has been going around explaining to the townsfolk that the presence of Skinny Bitches with Platinum Cards will completely undermine any demand-side pressures of the price of shoes. Successfully removing her from the situation has the effect of bringing the other Townsfolk’s Cowering stat down to 3.
Locations Downtown Fountain Plaza – This center of commerce and culture is the traditional location for out-of-town merchants to set up their wares. This is a cobblestone-paved acre of open space dead-center in the middle of town, with a marble fountain in the form of three dolphins as its centerpiece. At any given day you can nd carts laden with fruits and vegetables from nearby farms, piles of pelts from hunters, and a Boost Mobile kiosk. The Merchant of Choo will arrive here on Tuesday evening. Her caravan guards will camp with the wagons while she stays at the Red Velvet Inn.
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The Fern Bar – Directly next-door to the Red Velvet Inn, several Skinny Bitches will loiter here at any given time, keeping an eye on the plaza and gossiping nastily among themselves. Red Velvet Inn – The classiest boarding house in town, this will be the temporary home both for the Skinny Bitches and the Merchant
of Choo. Rose’s Salon – An important cultural anchor for the women of town, here all of your highlighting, trimming, manicure, pedicure, and waxing needs can be met. This is possibly the best place to nd groups of townsfolk that should have an interest in ne shoes.
Rewards Outstanding Footwear – as described in the premise, the caravan from Jimmy Choo contains a treasure trove of high-quality shoes, pumps, and sandals for the victorious to claim. Successful comple-
tion of this scenario should yield one pair of footwear with special properties per Heroine. Credit Cards – each of the Skinny Bitches is armed with a Platinum Credit Card. At the GM’s discretion, circumstances may lead to one or more of these falling into the possession of our Heroines. Jewelry – each of the Skinny Bitches is also equipped with bling. Diamonds and gold are the preferred materials here. At the GM’s discretion, circumstances may lead to some of these accessories falling into the possession of our Heroines. Clothing – These bony-assed skanks couldn’t put may together ensemble to save their lives, but individual pieces havean been wasted on them compared to our lovely protagonists. If defeated in combat or run out of town, each Skinny Bitch has enough of a wardrobe to salvage up to two garments or accessories. It may be necessary to go through their hotel rooms for this treasure.
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Run Through the Jungle A wilderness romp for three or four Bimbos It was just another beautiful morning in paradise. Having slept in late after a night of mojitos and dancing, one of the Bimbos was preparing for her day when disaster struck: her curling iron wouldn’t heat up! Well that’s terrible. Resorting to a ponytail and baseball cap, she headed out to Shelly’s Repair Shop to get it taken care of. But nobody is in! What’s happened? Gorilla Kidnappers, that’s what. Driven by a mad plot to acquire a bitchin’ motorcycle, a gang of great apes snuck into the village just before dawn and have stolen away the only mechanically-inclined person for miles in any direction. To defend the hair-styling appliances and other necessities of their civilization, our Heroines must track down these villains and rescue Oilstain Shelly.
Adversaries
Gorilla Goon (Gorillaing 4, Plot Armor 2) – Initially there are three Gorilla Goons for each Heroine. In typical gorilla fashion, they prefer to grasp at and tear the clothing of their opponents, seeking to subdue and take away any that they can defeat in combat. They aren’t big on talking out their problems. If a Gorilla Goon incapacitates a Bimbo, he will typically snatch her up in one hand and run off into the jungle with her rather than rejoining the ght. Gorilla Boss (Gorillaing 5, Plot Armor 3) – You can tell this is the Gorilla Boss because he has a necktie on. It was his brilliant plan
to kidnap the mechanic. He isn’t particularly smart, even by gorilla standards. The Gorilla Goons defer to his judgment, which has served them pretty well so far. Sally the Cashier: (Shirking 4, Plot Armor 5) – If diverted to a strip mall during their pursuit of the bad-guys, a retail encounter may ensue. As with most minimum-wage boutique clerks and baristas, Sally has no stake in anything and doesn’t care about what the Bimbos doing. If they want a latte or to replace a damaged garment, they will have to deal with this impenetrable wall of retail apathy. 163
Notable NPCs Oilstain Shelly (Handiness 4) – Shelly was born to a tribe of feral Bulldykes in the depths of the jungle, but was abandoned as a small child due to her unacceptable femininity. Hardly Bimbo-material, Shelly is short, barrel-shaped, with a plain face and mannish hands. In truth, she is the manliest person in town, including the magically-
emasculated Nevertheless, sheskills has found a place in society by employingmales. her innate mechanical in a small hairdryer-repair shop. Her One Stat is useful almost exclusively for dealing with mechanical and electronic devices; for all social and combat checks use the default target of two.
Locations Shelly’s Repair Shop – This is the scene of the crime, a modest storefront with an assortment of refurbished appliances. On display are several electrical gadgets, including hairdryers, curling irons, crimping irons, and battery-operated personal massagers.
From the outside, Shelly’s is dark, its sign still ipped to the “Sorry, we’re closed” side. On a Medium Uhm check, a Bimbo can determine that the door had been forced open; its deadbolt is still locked, and the door jamb is splintered. The door swings freely. If the Heroines check the rest of the outside, on an Easy Uhm check they will notice that the back-yard fence has been busted down (the Gorilla Goons broke it on their way back out to the jungle). The hole in the fence leads directly to the animal trail the gorillas have followed back to their lair. On the inside, Shelly’s is a mess. The normally-immaculate displays are knocked over. Several of the appliances are visibly broken. On a Medium Uhm check, a Bimbo can notice that there are a number of banana peels piled up in a corner. They aren’t brown enough to have been there for very long. If none of the heroines have a good Uhm stat or are simply rolling poorly, it may be necessary to have another woman from town come in and point out some of these clues for them. If they don’t nd the trail, they can’t chase the gorillas and there isn’t much story. 164
The Road – Not just for touring rock bands anymore! The marauding gorillas have taken a series of animal trails through the depths of the jungle back toward their lair. The path itself is a narrow trail through the thick undergrowth. The sunlight lters down dimly through the forest canopy. Vines hang down, providing obstacles and opportunities to seek a higher vantage point. Obnoxious insects buzz around, hunted by birds and lizards and snakes.
Four times during their pursuit, our Heroines may each make a Hard Uhm check. If any Bimbo succeeds, they are able to promptly and safely nd the gorillas’ trail and continue pursuit. On a failed check, all Bimbos must make a Medium Tits check. If everyone succeeds, they have stumbled upon a strip mall and take a break to catch a latte and check out the local clothes boutique. For each Bimbo that failed her check, two Gorilla Goons are lying in ambush; roll Uhm checks for surprise, there’s gonna be a ght! Having resolved any retail or combat encounters, the Bimbos are able to proceed as though they had beaten the Uhm check. If any Bimbo makes a critical success on her Uhm check during the pursuit, they have actually caught up with the gorillas, with Shelly still in hand. Two gorillas peel off to slow down the Heroines, while the rest attempt to ee as dictated in the Combat chapter. If the Bimbos catch back up during the ight attempt, two more gorillas peel off to try to slow them down. Repeat until the Gorilla Boss is cornered or he gets away. The Heart of Darkness – After four Uhm checks worth of pursuit, our Heroines arrive at the gorillas’ destination, a vine-shrouded grotto heavily shadowed by the jungle canopy. Here the gorillas have assembled what they believe to be the necessary components to reconstruct the fabled Harley Davidson Road King. Oilstain Shelly has been pressed into labor, working with a spanner and a pair of pliers on the confusing pile of parts under the watchful eye of the Gorilla Boss. Any of his remaining goons (those not eliminated during the pursuit) are gathered outside, watching in silent reverence. Their attention is on the motorcycle, so any attempt to sneak up on them is one degree of difculty easier than normal.
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Rewards The gorillas themselves have several treasures in their lair that may or may not be of interest to the Bimbos. Both are rather unwieldy, and getting them home may be a short adventure unto itself. Kegerator of Refreshment – This treasure chest has a dual-head tap sticking out of its top, and is capable of containing and cooling a single fteen-gallon keg. The gorillas have equipped it with brass ttings and have recently replaced its hoses. The Kegerator is in perfect working order, though there is only about a gallon of foamy lager in it at the moment. Plasma TV of Reruns – The result of a previous project by the Boss Gorilla, this 72-inchs at-panel display has a nice, crisp 1080p picture that inexplicably displays a continuous medley of Baywatch, American Gladiators, and I Love Lucy reruns. The built-in speakers are servicable, but you’ll really want to get a proper sound system.
If rescued,rewards Shelly isastremendously grateful. She can offer one of the following payment for her freedom: Harley Davidson Road King – the Gorilla Boss wasn’t much to look at, but he knew his scavenging. Given a week of hard work and a little elbow grease, Shelly can assemble a beautiful relic of bygone days when manliness was shared by men everywhere, not hoarded by a corrupt few and imitated by dykes elsewhere. Rod of Self-sufciency – this is a prized personal possession of
Oilstain Shelly, and she attributes a fair amount of her business success to it. This fourteen-inch-long cylinder, when applied for ve to ten minutes in private, the power to render menthe almost completely unnecessary. Makehas an Easy Tits check. During next twenty-four hours, your rst check made using Slap or Uhm to perform a task traditionally relegated to men (such as opening a jelly jar or xing a plumbing problem) is one degree less difcult (Hard → Medium → Easy). On a fumble, the rod has run out of batteries and will require repair.
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Into the Deep A dungeon delve for three to ve Bimbos Rumor has it the Courtly Caves are home to fabulous treasures, if only someone were bold enough to seek them out. Structured as an old-fashioned motivation-light the challenges, Courtly Caves provides a series of environments dungeoncrawl, each with its own culminating in a big monster battle and treasure. Rather than a traditional hole-in-a-mountain dungeon, the Courtly Caves are actually a partially-buried multi-use sports complex that has been taken over by a cult of John Waters look-alikes that have been trying to cultivate manliness for themselves.
Adversaries Horrible Little Men (Creeping 3) – Tiny, spindly mockeries of human males, these wretched creatures cavort with unnatural smiles plastered on their pencil-mustachioed faces. When given the opportunity they will attempt to woo the most attractive female present, leering at them and almost-but-not-quite making physical contact repeatedly while they offer delicacies and ne gifts. If pressed into combat they will only ght if they outnumber their opponents, attempting to ee otherwise. Evil Empanadas (Burning 4) – They look delicious, but these empanadas have been possessed by the spirits of dead immigrants, who will haunt the unwitting Bimbos that consumed them. After consuming an Evil Empanada, a Bimbo will be aficted with a terri-
ble supernatural curse. For next twenty-four any time aficted Bimbo attempts to the inuence the attitudehours, of another char-an acter, the aficted spirits will try to manifest themselves around her in the form of a noxious cloud. The empanadas make a Burning check to degrade the NPC’s disposition as though the Bimbo had made an unreasonable request. NPCs with no sense of smell are unaffected. On a critical success, the aficted Bimbo must excuse herself from the situation for fteen minutes or so.
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That Horrible Pervy Thing (Bad Touching 5, Plot Armor 3) – There’s nothing that will ruin a tomb-robber’s day quite like a slimy monster with big ropey tentacles that gets all touchy-feeling. Gross. The Horrible Pervy Thing can attack freely at Normal and Skin-to-Skin ranges. It prefers to grab its opponents, lashing out at whichever Bimbo has the most garments available for Wardrobe Malfunctions. The Horrible Queen (Queening 5, Plot Armor 4) – At rst glance, this is a woman with terrible fashion sense trying to make up for her deciencies with bright colors, sequins, and rhinestones. A Medium Uhm check reveals the terrible truth: this is just the leader of the Horrible Little Men in drag. The Horrible Queen has access to the NPC Movement spell, which she uses to make sure her Horrible Little Men are able to gang up on her enemies reliably. If defeated, she transforms from a Drag Queen into a Dragon. The Dragon (Dragoning 6, Plot Armor 5) – A giant reptilian beast with wings, a tail, big pointy teeth, and claws. Can shoot re,
targeting all opponents that are currently engaged with it (and all creatures engages with those targets, possibly hitting allies). Tremendously dangerous, hopefully our Heroines are prepared, or at least prepared to run away.
Notable NPCs Damsels in Distress (Grinding 3) – Recently the Horrible Little Men have had some success in capturing several young women, some of whom they have pressed into dancing with them at the Queen’s Court, some of whom have resisted and are at various stages of their horrible justice system. Dude in Distress (Cooking 3) – the Horrible Little Men raided a caravan a few weeks back, and took Steve, a Typical Male with some culinary skills, as a slave to work in the Food Court’s kitchen. He is of basically no use unless there is some food preparation to be done, and will cower uselessly in any threatening situation. He made the empanadas and is oblivious to their effect on the female digestive tract.
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Locations The Basketball Court – Eight Horrible Little Men are attempting to play a four-on-four basketball game. They are armed with a single basketball between them, and are each wearing short polyester shorts, and tank tops that show off their gangly limbs. They offer to answer a question or let the Bimbos pass peacefully if they can win
atopick-up game to vestat baskets. If the crowding offer is accepted, they areclose able use their Creeping on defense, uncomfortably to our Heroines, bumping into them inappropriately but somewhat effectively. When they have possession, their creepiness doesn’t help so much, and they use the default target number of two. The Tennis Court – Four Horrible Little Men are playing a game of doubles on a faded old synthetic grass surface. Each is armed with a tennis racket and wears a collared shirt and short white shorts that show too much of his pasty chicken-legs. They’re dripping with sweat. Upon noticing the Bimbos, they immediately halt their game and attempt to skeeze on the ladies. They seek to get
the Bimbos to agree to come with them to the Food Court, where they will be wined and dined with the nest foods and chilled beverages. The word “electrolytes” comes up a lot. The Food Court – This modest cafeteria’s natural lighting is terrible, obscured by the landslide that consumed the sports complex ages ago. A chandelier hangs from the middle of the ceiling, with a dozen candles providing dim light that the Horrible Little Men think should provide a romantic mood. There are three dilapidated food court eateries here with counters facing the dining area. At one counter a normal male, the Dude in Distress, is chained to a cash register, forced to make food for his captors. He will plead with the Bimbos for his release, offering them his gratitude in the form of delicious empanadas that just came out of the oven a few minutes ago. He does not comprehend that they are dangerous.
There are six Horrible Little Men present when the Bimbos arrive, plus any they may have brought with them from elsewhere. They will offer food and drinks to the Heroines, and try to entice them with promises of ne clothing and accessories. Their promises aren’t empty, there is a treasure trove of quality garments and accesso169
ries at the Queen’s Court. Their demeanor renders nearly everything they say or do insincere. The People’s Court – When a female is captured by Horrible Little Men, presuming they are unable to woo her, they will drag her before Judge Horrible Pervy Thing at the People’s Court. The Horrible Little Men will make an elaborate accusation of wrongdo-
ing by the accused, and she she will will have be given opportunity to verbally defend herself, though beenan gagged and incapable of intelligible speech. Carefully weighing the evidence presented and existing legal precedent, the Horrible Pervy Thing will invariably rule against the defendant, rip her clothes off, and try to eat her. If somehow one of the Bimbos was incapacitated in an earlier scene, she should take the place of the defendant so her comrades can rescue her. There is one Horrible Pervy Thing and four Horrible Little Men present. Three of the men are unarmed. The fourth, a bailiff, wields the Sword of Truth. The Queen’s Court – A hallway leads deep into the landslide from the People’s Court. It ends at a pair of rhinestone-encrusted wrought-iron gates that swing open to a subterranean chamber. Lights from multiple sources ash and swirl around the vault confusingly. A dozen Horrible Little Men are dancing with three young women that look equal parts frightened and exhausted. A fourth woman is working the controls for the chamber’s sound system, laying down a steady torrent of New Jack Swing for her captors. On the far side of the dance oor, a terribly-dressed woman sits at a high-backed chair, watching the others over a jeweled goblet. This is the Horrible Queen, mistress of the Horrible Little Men and the Courtly Caves.
The women are dressed in very nice going-out-on-the-town outts but are unarmed. The Horrible Little Men are wearing polyester pant-suits and platform shoes in an attempt to maximize their negligible sex appeal. They are armed with switchblades if things get violent. About half of the Horrible Little Men will peel off to engage the 170
Bimbos in a sweaty hip-thrusting, leering approximation of dance. If the Bimbos resist this and incapacitate three or more of their attackers, the Horrible Queen will engage them directly, inevitably transforming into a dragon.
Rewards The Sword Truth –with Thisno is embellishments a cruciform steelorsword straightOn out of the age ofofChivalry, decoration. a successful attack, this sword bypasses any Plot Armor the GM deems is conferred by illusion or trickery, revealing the hidden, unmasking the disguised, and laying bare secrets. The Handbag of Holding - this white leather accessory looks like a normal clutch handbag but can hold a wallet, two or three compacts, a brush, a small mirror, and several other small items as though it were a full-sized purse. Necklace of Pearls – this accessory is a long strand of iridescent
pearls and is highly attering. As a part of a Wardrobe Malfunction roll, a Bimbo wearing this accessory may sacrice it instead of a garment. The area is now littered with pearls, increasing the difculty for her opponents’ checks to engage or disengage by one degree (Easy → Medium → Hard). The necklace may be reassembled after the scene with an hour of work. Found in the Queen’s Court’s closet. Shimmering Slip – this slip dress with a boat neck and low-cut back is made of an exquisite gossamer material that seems to amplify light that strikes it. A Shimmering Slip that has been damaged by a Wardrobe Malfunction repairs itself at the end of an encounter if its owner makes a Medium Tits check. Found in the Queen’s Court’s closet. Miscellany – The closet in the Queen’s Court contains a gigantic assortment of mundane-but-workable club clothes, including tops, bottoms, footwear, bracelets, necklaces, and earrings. Upon vanquishing the Dragon, each Bimbo is entitled to six checks to determine if suitable garments and accessories are present.
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Several Scenario Seeds A broad The variety of adventures are possible for an intrepid of Bimbos. Game Master cannot always predict how the band heroines will deal with a situation ahead of time, and sometimes the simplest of story ideas can be diverted to something unexpected. The following is a selection of popular adventure tropes with suggestions for how they can be tailored for some Busty Barbarian Bimbos:
Any Port in a Storm The Bimbos are seeking shelter from the elements or some other threat, and come across a place to hole up. They nd that they have stumbled across something dangerous, secret, or supernatural, and must then deal with it in order to enjoy a little rest. •
The shelter has no electrical outlets.
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The shelter has a Starbucks inside. Of course.
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The shelter is lthy, in disarray, or poorly-decorated. The horror!
Fashionably Late Some bad guys have arrived and done some bad guy things. Our heroines were totally unaware of it at the time. The bad guys have made their escape, and the Bimbos just caught wind of it in time to chase them down before they make it back to their lair, their home nation, behind enemy lines, or whatever. •
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The bad guys escaped by a means that the Bimbos know better than they do. The bad guys take a detour not to their home base but to lay in ambush or get a spa treatment.
Blackmail An antagonist holds something over the heads of the Bimbos. This could be any kind of threat from physical to social, but it depends on the villain having something that nobody else has. She is pulling the strings of the heroines, telling them to do things they don’t want to. For the heroines to break the cycle of blackmail they must deprive satised.the villain of her edge, all the while having to keep her •
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The Bimbos have a past history with the villain, which allows her to take advantage of them. To succeed, the heroines must collaborate with other blackmail victims.
Breaking & Entering Mission objective: enter the dangerous place, and retrieve the vital MacGufn or valuable person. Overcome the area’s defenses to do so. •
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A cabal of creepy men are said to have a cache of haute couture. Urban Bimbos must brave the wilds to get the shiny whats-it. Alternately, Jungle Bimbos must inltrate a hive-city to get to their quarry. The Bimbos must replace the thing with another thing. Re-shelving fees are a bitch.
Coconuts to Radios The Bimbos need to build or repair something to move on with the story. Perhaps a drawbridge is stuck or a vehicle’s starter isn’t turning over, or there is a stain on somebody’s garment and she simply must wear it to their destination. •
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The Bimbos must discover some resource or secret about where they’re stuck. The repair will take long enough that sustenance and shelter are an issue. Are there any good restaurants around here? 173
Didn’t Anybody Bring a Map? The Bimbos are minding their own business and nd themselves transported to a strange place. They must gure out where they are, why they are there and how to escape. •
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Somehow the Bimbos still have all their things, but they can’t get any cell coverage. The Bimbos have been transported to a gladiatorial arena by inscrutable aliens that have them ght a variety of threats familiar and strange.
Diplomatic Shark wants us to Sign the Treaty The Bimbos are a diplomatic vanguard, trying to open up (or shore up) either political or trade relations with a strange culture. All they have to do is manage for a day or so among the strange customs without offending anybody. •
What information they have is both incomplete and dangerously misleading. •
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The Bimbos were chosen by somebody who thought they weren’t prepared for it. The other culture is resistant to Tits-based diplomacy! Can Uhm save the day?
Dora the Dungeon Delver The Bimbos are treasure-hunters, who have caught wind of a treasure-laden ruin. They go to explore it, and must deal with its supernatural denizens to win the treasure and get out alive. The treasure itself is something dangerous. •
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The treasure isn’t in a ruin, but in a wilderness or even hidden somewhere “civilized.”
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The treasure turns out to have a will of its own.
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The treasure was within you all along.
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Dude, Where’s My Car? One or more of the Bimbos wakes up with no memory of the recent past, and now they nd themselves in some kind of trouble they don’t understand. The Bimbos must nd the reason for the memory lapse, and solve any problems they uncover in the meantime. •
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The forgetful Bimbo voluntarily suppressed or erased the memories, and they nd themselves undoing their own work. The forgetful Bimbo is suspected of involvement with a crime. The forgetful Bimbo has an inexplicably-large amount of something valuable.
Escort Service No, not that kind escort service. The Bimbos must get a valuable object or person to a safe place or to its rightful owner. They undertake a dangerous journey in which one or more factions (and chance and misfortune) try to take it away. •
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The escorted person is a young brat that’s half a step away from becoming just another Skinny Bitch. She keeps trying to sidetrack the Bimbos and even escape their supervision. The escorted person is suspiciously helpful and cheery, and probably up to no good.
Good Housekeeping The Bimbos are placed in charge of a large operation (a trading company, feudal Jamba Juice)and andthrive. must, despite lack of experiencea in suchbarony, things, amake it work •
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The peasants, neighbors, employees, etc. resent the Bimbos’ good looks and work to undermine their efforts. The job seems to require protective footwear or other garments that offend our heroines’ fashion sense.
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Help is on the Way A person is in trouble and cannot get by without rescue. The Bimbos are on the job. In some scenarios, the hook is as simple as a distant yell or frantic text message. •
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The victim is a hostage, or under siege from enemy forces, and the Bimbos must deal with the captors or break the siege. The victim hasn’t updated her status in like six hours. There is a danger that any rescue attempts land the Bimbos in the same trouble. The victim doesn’t realize that she needs rescuing; she thinks she’s doing something reasonable and/or safe. The threat isn’t villain-oriented at all; it’s a natural disaster, nuclear meltdown, or disease outbreak. Running away isn’t an option. The victim is in the middle of something that cannot be interrupted, like a tanning booth.
Hidden Base The heroines come across a nest of bad guys preparing for some big-time badness. •
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The villains appear to be an overwhelming force; can the Bimbos get word out in time to evacuate the orphanage? The villains are about to deploy a technological terror or arcane horror; can the Bimbos disrupt its operation and get out alive? The villains are about to sit down for lunch.
How Much For Just the Unobtanium? There’s something rare and precious in a remote location. The Bimbos want it, but so do one or more other groups. The ones that win will be the ones that can out-think and outrace the others, deal best with the locals, and learn the most about their target. Each competing group has its own agenda and resources. •
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The natives require the competing factions to gather before them as friends to state their cases.
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The precious thing was en route somewhere when its conveyance or courier wrecked or vanished. The locals may not even know its value. The locals treat the object with religious reverence and require that the spirits be appeased before it is released.
Murder, Tweeted A crime orShe atrocity has been committed; the Bimbos must solve it. They must interview witnesses, gather clues. They must then assemble proof to deliver to the authorities, or serve as personal ministers of justice. •
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The heroines are working to clear an innocent already accused. The Bimbos must work alongside a special investigator or are otherwise saddled with an unwanted ally. Midway through the adventure, the Bimbos are “taken off the case” - their invitation/authority to pursue the matter is closed. The climax is a courtroom scene or other arena of judgment.
Ninjas Out of Nowhere The Bimbos are minding their own business when they are attacked or threatened. They don’t know why. They must solve the mystery of their attacker’s motives, and in the meantime fend off more attacks. They must put two and two together to deal with the problem. Not literally, of course. •
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The Bimbos have something that the bad guys want - but they don’t necessarily realize it. The bad guys are out for revenge for a dead compatriot from a previous adventure. The bad guys have mistaken the Bimbos for somebody else. The GM is just stalling for time and trying to get the players engaged.
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None Shall Pass The Bimbos are assigned to guard a single vital spot from impending or possible attack. They must plan their defensive strategy, set up watches, set traps, and so on, and then deal with the enemy when it arrives. •
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A gaggle of Feral Bulldykes caught wind of a dance party and are looking to crash it. Eunuch slavers working for one of the Man-Kings have been seen in the area, the Bimbos must secure a cave entrance while the village males cower inside.
Pandora’s Can of Worms Somebody has opened a portal to the Mean People Dimension, cracked a wall at the state prison, or summoned an ancient Babylonian god into a penthouse apartment. Before the PCs can even think of confronting the source of the trouble, they must deal with the waves of trouble already released by it: monsters, old foes out for vengeance, curious aliens who think cars/citizens/McDonald’s hamburgers resemble food, and so forth. •
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The Bimbos can’t simply take the released badness to the mat; they have to collect it and shove it back into the source before it the adventure can really end. The Bimbos are drawn into the source and must solve problems on the other side before returning to this one. A secret book, code, or other rare element is necessary to plug the breach.
Peculiar Happenings Something both bad and inexplicable is happening and a lot of people are very troubled by it. The Bimbos must track the phenomenon to its source, and stop it. •
The Bimbos are unwittingly responsible for the whole thing.
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All the beauty supplies in town have gone missing.
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The males are starting to show signs of manliness again.
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There are no episodes of Law & Order airing at the moment.
Quest For the Sacred Plot Device Somebody needs a MacGufn to do something very important. The Bimbos must learn more about it to track it down, and then deal with taking it from wherever it is. A prophet has foreseen a device that can neutralize the Manliness of a Man-King, if the Bimbos can nd it and are brave enough to use it. •
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An essential component for the machine that manufactures lip gloss has burned out; can the Bimbos nd a suitable replacement or will the village be doomed to a future of chapping? The Bimbos must “go undercover” or otherwise inltrate a group or society, gaining the dingus by guile or stealth.
Recent Ruins A town, castle, starship, outpost, or other civilized construct is lying in ruins. Very recently, it was just dandy. The PCs must enter the ruins, explore them, and nd out what happened. •
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The local were lost in a freak tanning-booth accident.
Running the Gauntlet The heroines must travel through a hazardous area, and get through without killed, robbed, diseased,are orrarely disheveled by whatever is there. being The troubles they encounter personal in nature the place itself is the “villain” of the adventure. •
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The Bimbos, in an effort to ee or pursue a villain, must cross a crumbling trail through a lava eld. The hills are alive with the sound of music. Horrible music that may drive the Bimbos insane. Since ducking into the tting room to try out some new clothes, 179
the store has lled with hostile Skinny Bitches and Liposuction Candidates. Can the Bimbos get to the cash register with their purchases intact?
Safari The Bimbos are on a hunting expedition, to capture or kill an elusive and prized creature. They must deal with its environment, its own ability to evade them, and possibly its ability to ght them. •
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Wild herds of Suede Cattle pass through this area only once every ve years. The herd’s only male velociraptor has caught ill. If the village is going to have raptors to ride and dinosaur canapés, they will have to venture into the jungle and bring back a wild, unharmed replacement.
Score One for the Home Team The Bimbos are participants in of a race, contest, tournament, ger hunt or other voluntary bit sport. They must win. scaven•
Beauty pageant.
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Volleyball.
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Beer Pong.
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Fast-pitch softball against highly-competent Bulldykes.
Somebody Better Order Pizza The Bimbos are working surveillance - spying on a person, gathering information on a beast in the wild, scouting a new sector. Regardless of the scale, the primary conict (at least at the start) is the rule that they are only to watch, listen and learn. They are not to make contact or let themselves be known. •
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The target has a valuable weapon, garment, or accessory that the Bimbos covet. A passer-by offers the Bimbos a coupon for 25% off a spa treatment if they act today. Can they resist temptation?
Skip Trace Someone is gone: they’ve run away, gotten lost, or simply haven’t called home in a while. Somebody misses them or needs them returned. The Bimbos are called in to nd them and bring them back. •
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The target has been kidnapped by gorillas trying to rebuild a motorcycle. The target is valuable and escaped from a place designed to keep her safe, cozy, and conveniently handy. The target has a reason for leaving that the heroines will sympathize with. The target isn’t a runaway or missing/lost - they’re just someone that the Bimbos have been hired to track down.
Stalag 7 Wide The Bimbos are imprisoned, and must engineer an escape, overcoming any guards, their prison imposesautomatic on them. measures, and geographic isolation •
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A gang of incarcerated Bulldykes attempt to make one of the Bimbos their bitch. The Bimbos have been hired to “test” the prison - they aren’t normal inmates. Other prisoners decide to blow the whistle for spite or revenge. The Bimbos must escape on a tight schedule to get to another adventure outside the walls.
A Stitch in Time A villain or organization is getting ready to do something bad, and the Bimbos have received a tip-off of some sort. They must investigate to nd out more, then act to prevent it. •
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Sweep & Clear There is a place where bad things live. The Bimbos must make it safe for nice people, systematically clearing it of danger. •
The Haunted Tanning Salon
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The Bulldyke-infested Shopping Mall
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Fatties at the Yoga Studio The Skank-riddled Bus Stop
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Trolls in the Forum
Three-hour Tour Gone Bad The Bimbos nd themselves hijacked. They must take action! •
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The Bimbos are on a cruise ship that is boarded by shark-man pirates. They mean to scuttle the ship and eat all the passengers. The Bimbos are aboard a train that is attacked by bandits. The bandits are trying to nd something valuable in the luggage compartment. Our Heroines had been captured by slavers. They awake in the dark of night to nd that their captors have been slain and replaced by mysterious outsiders with a mysterious agenda.
Troublemakers A bad guy is kicking up a ruckus. The heroines have to go where the trouble is, locate the bad guys, and stop the party. •
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A gaggle of Skinny Bitches with Platinum Credit Cards are throwing their weight around town. Semi-evolved apes are staging a frat party downtown. A religious group is trying to impose requirements for modest clothing.
Uncharted Waters The Bimbos are explorers, and their goal is to enter an unknown territory and scope it out. Naturally, the job isn’t just going to be surveying and drawing sketches of local fauna; something is there, something fascinating and threatening. •
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The place itself is threatening, perhaps with noxious gas or unbearable heat or cold. The place itself is very valuable and wonderful, and something else there is keen on making sure the Bimbos don’t let anyone else know.
Flip that Trope! Put the Bimbos in the position of the NPCs in any of the adventure ideas above. •
The heroines nd themselves on the receiving end of the ad-
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venture. Instead of hunting, they may be hunted.
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Instead of trying to gain something, they are trying to get rid of something they already have. Instead of xing something they are seeking to break it.
Chained Adventures In a campaign that lasts multiple sessions, you will often nd yourself picking up where you left off last time around. Depending on the actions of the Bimbos and NPCs in one adventure, a follow-up scenario may present itself as the next adventure. Bimbos in an Uncharted Waters scenario may come across some Recent Ruins. Upon investigating the ruins, they may nd themselves in a Fashionably Late scenario, which in turn leads them to a Running the Gauntlet scene. Most roleplaying game adventures can be seen as a connected series of smaller adventurous scenes like this. A good GM will pick and choose scene types that suit the story and the other players’ preferences.
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Reskinning The Dark Moon world is just one of many settings for intrepid heroines to nd adventure and fortune and that perfect lip-liner. In the interest of maintaining a central theme and not producing aequipment, ve-thousand-page tome, the abilities, archetypes, NPCs, anddoorstop scenariosofalla use post-apocalyptic sci- fantasy as a basis. With a little work, all of these can be modied to t a variety of other settings. The following are a few suggestions: Boobs, Beads, & Byahkees: New Orleans party girls investigate Lovecraftian weirdness that threatens to destroy the world and ruin Mardi Gras. Equipment and abilities should be set to realistic 20 th century fare, opponents should include lots of creepy old people, cultists, and unspeakable horrors. See Chaosium’s Call of Cthuhlu.
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Daring Dames: Brassy Broads take the ght to Hitler with pulpy 1930’s action. Magic is conned to Eastern Mysticism and Nazi Occult stuff. Think Indiana Jones with boobs. Leggy Lesbian Liches: Having entered into a pact with an adorable, cryptic creature, formerly-normal high school girls face the challenges of normal life, extinction-scale threats to Earth, and
the schemes of their own patron the power of friendship & magic. Equipment should be setbytousing whimsical 20th century fare, Tittiemancy should be prevalent and possibly mandatory at character creation with spells that act more directly in combat. Opponents should include colorful magical beasts capable of leveling city blocks. See Puella Magi Madoka Magica. Vampire: The Spray-tannening: Bodacious bloodsuckers contend with political intrigue and sunburns. Equipment should be set to stylized 20th century or Victorian fare, abilities should be themed to vampires and vampire tropes, and opponents should include a bunch of alternate avors of vampires,
thralls, and maybe werewolves. See White Wolf ’s Vampire: The Masquerade. Warhammer 36DD: In the grim darkness of the far future, impractically-garbed, heavily-armed, impossibly-hot super-soldier warrior nuns struggle to protect humanity across a far-ung galactic empire without ruining their nails. See Games Workshop’s Warhammer 40,000.
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Appendix Synonyms for Bimbo In this book we interchangeably use the terms Bimbo and heroine to distinguish a character individually controlled by a player other than the Game Master. With the colorful and varied English language at our beck and call, there are many other terms that could instead be used. Newcomers to the English language should take care to note that there are a fair number of connotations built into each of these terms, and nearly all of them are considered disrespectful in their own way.
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babe
oozy
missy
Betty
gal
minx
bimbo
girl
moll
bint
hag
piece of tail
bitch
ho
skank
bob
hootchie
slut
box
honey
skirt
broad
hussy
strumpet
chica
Jezebel
sweet thing
chick
lady
tart
dame
lass
tramp
damsel
lassie
trick
dish
maiden
trim
doll
mami
trollop
doxy
mistress
vamp
female
miss
vixen
Synonyms for Breasts They’re prominently featured and frequently-referenced, so it may be a good idea to bone up on your Tits-related vocabulary before play. The following is a brief, incomplete list of some synonyms for sweater puppies. They vary greatly in sophistication, vulgarity, and frequency of use in daily English. airbags cans
hummers
babaloos
cantaloupes
jugs
baby feeders
cha-chas
kagemushas
balloons
chesticles
kawangas
baloobas
coconuts
knockers
baps
cupcakes
magambos
bazookas
dumplings
Mahatmas
bazoombas bee-stings
dinglebobbers dugs
mammaries mau maus
Berthas
dumplings
melons
bijongas
funbags
milk bombs
blinkers
gazongas
milk jugs
bombs
gobstoppers
milk wagons
boobs
goombas
milkmakers
boops
grillwork
milkshakes
bosoms
headlamps
Mobutus
bottles
headlights
mounds
boulders
high beams
mufns
breasts
honkers
nay-nays
bristols
hooters
neeners
bumpers
hubcaps
ninnies 187
norks
rotors
torpedoes
num-nums
shabba-dos
tweeters
pair
snow tires
twekkers
palookas
soombas
Volvos
pillows
speed bumps
wahwahs
puppies
sweater puppies
whimwhams
pushmatahas
ta-tas
windshield wipers
rack
teetees
Winnebagos
rib bumpers
tits
yahoos
rivets
titties
yazoos
Synonyms for Posterior Much like the language’s many and varied ways of appreciating a young woman’s chest, there are a variety of terms suitable for signifying her bottom. arse
bun
duff
pooter
ass
buns
fanny
posterior
backside
butt
fundament
rear
badonkadonk
buttocks
hind
rear end
behind
caboose
keister
rump
bon-bon booty
cake can
matako moneymaker
seat tail
bottom
crack
moon
tooshy
breech
cushion
onion
trunk
bum
derrierre
patootie
tuchus
bumper
donk
pooper
tush
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Bust, Waist, Hips “36- 24-36? Nuh-uh, only if she’s ve-three” – Six Mix-a-lot
When referring to a Bimbo’s three sizes, whether in metric or Imperial measurements, one is referring to the over-breast (around the torso at the breasts’ fullest point) circumference as the bust size, the circumference of the abdomen at the belly button as the waist size, and the circumference of the hips at their fullest point as the hips size. The bust size in particular will vary from the gure used in the Bimbo’s bra size, such that a character with a 37-inch bust may in fact wear a 34C or 36A or 32DD bra depending on her build.
Bra Sizes “Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it’s quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.” – Rita Rudner Depending on your region or country of srcin, referring to a bra size as 34C or 75D mean very different things. For purposes of referencing classic rap music from the late 20th century, one may assume that the United States and Canadian system is being used, where the number refers to the band size of the bra (the circumference of the torso just under the breasts) and the letter refers to a cup size where each letter signies an additional inch of over-breast circumference. This varies from the United Kingdom system, which also uses inches, and the international metric system, where numbers like 34 would indicate a distressingly-small upper torso.
Players lling out a character sheet are free to specify their own bra sizes, independent of the character’s actual Tits stat. For cup sizes above D, it may be helpful to clarify among the players whether a system is being used whereby there are double-letters or triple letters in use (e.g. D, DD, E, EE, F, FF... or D, D, DDD E, EE EEE...). For minimally-endowed characters, an A or AA cup should normally be enough to distinguish between “quite small” and “at.”
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Dress Sizes “She’s actual size but she seems much bigger to me” – They Might be Giants
Dress sizes are the subject of some of the most liberal truthbending and outright lies outside the realm of budgetary politics. Clothiers lie about sizes to atter their patrons, young women lie about their sizes for esteem, and older women lie to themselves about their sizes out of nostalgia and self-loathing. As with bra sizes, US/Canadian standards are being shown. Bust measurement here is over-breast, not bra band size. Again, we stress that everybody cheats on these; you will nd a very different size 6 at the discount boutique for college students than you will at an upscale professional-wear shop. Size Bust Waist Hips
2 32” 24” 35”
4 34” 27” 37”
6 36” 29” 39”
8 38” 31” 41”
10 40” 33” 43”
Shoe Sizes “Give a girl the right shoes, and she can conquer the world.” – Marilyn Monroe
Sometimes thought to be the subject of more falsication and chicanery than dress sizes. Using US/Canadian measurements, a lady’s shoe size is three times the length of the interior of the shoe minus twenty-two and a half. In inches. For purposes of play, Game Masters not dwell on mismatches shoe sizes forare theencouraged purpose of to determining whether a givenbetween Bimbo can use a particular set of footwear. Just roll the normal Tits check for suitability. The most common shoe size is 9, which is why you can almost never nd that size on sale.
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Your Horoscope & You Your astrological sign is terribly important in Bimbo culture, and says a lot about you. During character creation you should choose your sign with great care. Individual Bimbos place varying degrees of trust in astrology, but nearly always have a basic understanding of own star and its implications. Astrology as both a means of their divination and sign soothsaying is tremendously popular in the frontiers and the hive cities.
Aries (march 21 - April 19) A Fire Sign. Aries possesses the drive and the fortitude to get things accomplished, although Aries can sacrice quality for speed.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20) An Earth Sign. These Bimbos are steady, reliable characters. Although they may be plodders, when they get something done, it has been done thoroughly.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20) An Air Sign. These Bimbos tend to be analytical and independent workers. They can have problems with authority gures, as they are sure that they have found a better way to do things.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22) A Water Sign. Cancer people tend to mimic the animal they are named after (the crab) in that they have a tough exterior but are very emotionally vulnerable inside. They are often very creative and love the water.
Leo (July 23 - August 22) A Fire Sign. Leos are generally Bimbos who look on the bright side of life. They have lots of energy and are invigorating to be around. 191
Virgo (August 23 - September 22) An Earth Sign. Virgos tend to highly organized Bimbos who want to know every detail of a situation. They love things to be in categories, compartments, or lists. Virgos can often multitask effortlessly and are often genuinely helpful to others.
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
An Air Sign. Charming, idealistic, and concerned with everyone getting their fair share. The main drive in a Libra’s life is getting everything into harmony.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) A Water Sign. These are the dark, mysterious members of the zodiac. They make spectacular lovers. Never cross a Scorpio.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) A Fire Sign. These freedom-loving, stoic characters often love horses or have a life somehow involved with animals suitable for riding. This is the sign that often reacts best to major life changes.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19) An Earth Sign. They are often stubborn and hot-heated but make incredibly loyal friends and are quite dependable.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18) An Air Sign. They are often creative geniuses with lives devoted to serving others.
Pisces (February 19 - march 20) A Water Sign. They often have great ideas but have problems carrying out plans.
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