An Open Letter to Fathers by Peter Buffett, Author of Life is What You Make It

An Open Letter to Fat hers By Peter Buffett 

How will you feel today? Grateful? Loved? Happy? Remorseful? Guilty? Sad? Proud? Relieved? Each father has his story to tell. The complexities of family life lead to unspoken dynamics that play out in innumerable ways. No father is perfect. But every father wants his child to lead a happy, fulfilled life. Often, however, a father’s definition of  f ulfillment may be very different from that of the child’s. Or perhaps it’s just the mythic struggle of a child’s need to separate himself from the identity of his paren ts. This need can take many forms. And it can lead to years of difficulty as father and child find the balance between the impulse to nurture and the need to individuate. But as I’ve found in my own life, this does not have to be the case. While the recipe f or each family may be different, the two main ingredients are the same: time and unconditional love. These two elements are the fundamental building blocks in the life of any relationship. They are simultaneously corrosive and bonding. Time breaks down misconceptions and misunderstandings. And it solidifies acknowledgment and respect. Unconditional love says that ego isn’t invested in the outcome. That “No matter what you do or who who you are, I love you”. It’s an awesome statement – and one that will most likely be tested! I knew from a very young age that my father had no attachment to the outcome of  my life. Which is very different from not being interested in my life. My understanding of this led to a level of freedom that can only be measured by my own sense of fulfillment. I knew that my father’s ego and desires were fed by him, not by me. And that his greatest sense of accomplishment as a parent could only be reflected in my finding my own path in life. I urge fathers everywhere to look at the light in your child’s eyes. It burns with unique potential. It will take them to unknown places – maybe places that you were never able to discover for yourself. You have the ability to douse the flame with the fears and frustrations that you may carry in your own life because that was done to you, or you can feed the flame with love. Unconditional love that tells your child everything it needs to know ‐ that I am safe to explore my feelings and passions, and I will always have a safe harbor. And for that extraordinary gift, every day will be father’s day.

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