ACT For Kids: Living a Valued Life
Steven B. Gordon, Ph.D., ABPP Michael J. Asher, Ph.D., ABPP Michael C. Selbst, Ph.D., BCBA-D Behavior Therapy Associates, Associates, PA * ! Clyde "oad * So#erset, $e% Jersey &''!( * )-')-++
%%%.behaviortherapyassociates.co# Disclai#er All All photoraphs are placeholders or the p/rpose o this drat copy. Appropriate Appropriate licenses %ill be so/ht beore photoraphs photoraphs are /sed in the p/blished p/blished version o o this boo0. 1 Copyriht &+( 2 All "ihts "eserved Property o Behavior Therapy Associates Associates $o part o this boo0 #ay #ay be reprod/ced, stored in a retrieval retrieval syste#, or trans#itted in in any or# or by any #eans, electronic, #echanical, photocopyin, recordin, scannin, or other%ise, %itho/t the prior %ritten per#ission o the a/thors a/thors .
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My Page
My na#e is 33333333333333333333. My ae is333333. My avorite color4s5 is3333333333. My avorite ood4s5 is33333333333333.
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Table of Contents +. 6ntrod/ction or child 7hat is ACT8 a. The Three "/les in ACT
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b. The 7i:ard 7i:ard and the the ;ole in the Gro/nd Gro/nd
+!
c. My Proble#
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d. Parent ;ando/t
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. =al/es and Goals
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a. ACT Ther#o#eter
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b. My ?inerprint
c. 7hat is 6#portant to @o/8
d. 7hat is a Goal8
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e. The Maic 7and
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. My peri#ent
!&
. Parent ;ando/t
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. @o/
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a. A Chess Story
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b. ?ind @o @o/
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c. My peri#ent
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d. Parent ;ando/t
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(. Acceptance
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a. Monsters in My Bac0pac0
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b. My peri#ent
'!
c. Parent ;ando/t
'9
!. ;ere and $o%
')
a. $oticin peri#ent
''
b.
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c. My peri#ent
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d. Parent ;ando/t
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9. Tho/hts
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a. and J/
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b. The Maic B/s
+&&
c. $a#e the Most psettin Tho/ht
+&)
d. $o% /se the ACT Ther#o#eter
+&'
e. My peri#ent
+&>
. Parent ;ando/t
++& 4
'. Ta0e Action
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a. The M/le in the 7ell
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b. My peri#ent
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c. Parent ;ando/t
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1. Introduction
7hat is ACT8 7e %ill be doin so#ethin toether that has a bi na#e, Acceptance and Co##it#ent Therapy, and instead %e /se the initials ACT. This %ay %e can /st say it as one si#ple %ord. Can yo/ say the %ord o/t lo/d riht no%8
ACT is a pretty ne% approach %here the oal is to help 0ids live a lie that has #eanin to the#. There are #any /n activities and stories in this %or0boo0 and it is best to o thro/h this %ith an ACT Coach.
6
The ACT Coach can be a parent, a relative, a teacher, or even a co/nselor.
7
This %or0boo0 %ill be yo/r #ap that %ill help yo/ et to %here yo/ %ant to be oin.
The reat thin is that yo/ et to ta0e yo/r own steps %ith yo/r coachEs help alon the %ay.
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6t %ill be very i#portant to pay attention and notice yo/r tho/hts and eelins. Tho/hts are %ords yo/ say to yo/rsel li0e F6E# pretty cool or F6 better not try so#ethin ne%. ?eelins can be e#otions %e li0e s/ch as love or e#otions %e donEt li0e s/ch as bein scared. Bein %illin to eperience %hatever tho/hts and eelins %e have is called Acceptance.
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Then it %ill be i#portant to 0no% %hat is i#portant to yo/. 6t co/ld be a lot o dierent thins and yo/ %ill be helped to i/re this o/t. This #eans yo/ %ill Choose %hich direction to ta0e.
?inally, yo/ %ill have to Take Action to #ove in yo/r chosen direction.
10
This %ill be li0e %al0in or r/nnin do%n a path to et to %here yo/ %ant to o.
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So ACT can be tho/ht o as havin three parts Accept, Choose, Ta0e Action. By /nderstandin and ollo%in all three parts, yo/r lie can have #ore #eanin and oy.
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ACT stands for… 4circle the correct %ord5
A Applesa/ce Acceptance Anry C Correct Chase Choose T Ta0e A%ay Ta0e Action Ta0e a Snac0
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The Three Rules in ACT
+.
The Truth Rule.
The Tr/th "/le #eans
that yo/ aree to tell the tr/th and be honest %hen yo/ are /sin this ACT 7or0boo0. .
The No Punishent Rule.
The $o
P/nish#ent "/le #eans that yo/ canEt et p/nished or anythin yo/ say %hen yo/ are /sin the ACT 7or0boo0. .
The Pri!acy Rule.
The Privacy "/le
says that %hatever yo/ say or do %hen yo/ are /sin the ACT 7or0boo0 is private and yo/ o%n the privacy. This #eans that yo/ can tell anyone abo/t it i yo/ %ant to b/t no one else can share %hat yo/ have told the#. The only ti#e so#eone else can tell so#eone else %o/ld be to 0eep yo/ 14
or so#eone else sae i there is any 0ind o daner. Do yo/ have any H/estions abo/t this8
By Tellin the Tr/th, havin $o P/nish#ent, and bein able to say %hatever yo/ %ant in Private, yo/ can ACT in a %ay that is sae, co#ortable and happy or yo/.
15
The "i#ard and the $ole in the %round
Ince /pon a ti#e, there %as a %i:ard %ho enoyed playin tric0s on children.
16
6nterestinly, all the children li0ed %hen the 7i:ard chose the# to be the taret or one o his tric0s. ?or this tric0 the %i:ard chose a little red headed boy.
The %i:ard as0ed hi# i he %o/ld li0e the pot o old at the end o the ield.
17
The little red headed boy told the 7i:ard he %o/ld do anythin to et the pot o old.
The 7i:ard said it %o/ldnEt be that easy. ?irst, yo/ have to carry a s#all s/itcase.
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Then, yo/ have to #a0e s/re that yo/ donEt all into the bi holes in the ield.
19
?inally yo/ have to do this %earin a blindold.
The little red headed boy areed beca/se he really %anted that pot o old at the end o the ield. The %i:ard then %aved his #aic %and and there appeared a pot o old.
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;e then said so#e #aic %ords and a s/itcase appeared in the little boyEs hand. The 7i:ard said so#e #ore #aic %ords and there %ere bi holes in the ield and a blindold aro/nd the boyEs eyes. 7ith that the 7i:ard disappeared.
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The little red headed boy bean to %al0 very slo%ly and very care/lly. ;e ca#e riht /p to the ede o a hole, care/lly p/t o/t his oot, balanced hi#sel and did not all into the hole. This contin/ed or a lon ti#e b/t soon his l/c0 ran o/t as he ell into a very deep hole that %as over his head.
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;e H/ic0ly ripped o the blindold and sa% that he %as in bi tro/ble. ;e tho/ht or a #o#ent abo/t ho% #/ch he %anted the pot o old. ;e al#ost orot that he ell into the hole %ith a s/itcase iven to hi# by the 7i:ard. /ic0ly openin the s/itcase, he sa% the #ost bea/ti/l shovel he had ever seen.
The little red headed boy /sed the shovel in a %ay that shovels are #eant to be /sed. ;e started to di and di and di.
23
Ater a %hile, he stopped diin, loo0ed /p and sa% that he %as in the hole deeper than beore. All o a s/dden he reali:ed that diin do%n %as hopeless. ;e %o/ld never et o/t o the hole and he %o/ld never et the pot o old i he 0ept on diin do%n. The little red headed boy, reali:in diin %as hopeless, dropped the shovel.
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``````````````
;e no% had a chance to thin0 abo/t ne% %ays he co/ld try to et o/t o the hole.
25
7e donEt 0no% ho% the little red headed boy ot o/t o the hole b/t he did et o/t and he did et the pot o oldK
7hat does this story tell /s8 6 there is so#ethin that is i#portant to yo/, and %hat yo/ are doin doesnEt %or0 then it is a ood idea to stop doin those thins that are hopeless and try so#ethin else. The nd
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My Proble &ist Belo% is a list o areas that #ay or #ay not be i#portant to yo/. 7e %ill call these 'alues. Place an L in the bo /nder Iportant i yo/ thin0 this =al/e is i#portant to yo/. Place an L in the bo /nder (es i yo/ thin0 there is a proble# in this area or place an L in the bo /nder No i yo/ thin0 there is no proble# in this area. A proble #eans that yo/ thin0 that thins are not oin as %ell as yo/ 27
%o/ld li0e in that area. There is no riht or %ron ans%er as lon as yo/ tell the tr/th. Iportant
(es
No
+. Parents . Siblins . ?riends (. d/cation !. Physical ;ealth 9. ?/n ). Co##/nity '. Spirit/ality >. 6ndependence
Make a list of all the things you ha!e tried to sol!e the probles.
+.33333333333333333333 .33333333333333333333 .33333333333333333333 28
(.33333333333333333333 !.33333333333333333333
Re!ie) the abo!e list and dra) a circle around the solutions that ha!e really* really )orked+
Parent $andout 29
6ntrod/ction to ACT 4Acceptance and Co##it#ent Therapy5 ACT is a type o Conitive Behavior Therapy 4CBT5 that has been de#onstrated to be eective %ith a %ide rane o conditions 4e.., aniety, depression, s/bstance ab/se, eatin disorders, etc.5. •
• •
The ai# o ACT is to help individ/als live a #eanin/l lie as a /lly conscio/s h/#an bein, %illin to accept %hatever /npleasant inner eperiences 4i.e., tho/ht and eelins5 appear %hile ta0in action that %ill #ove to%ard a chosen direction. ACT is very si#ple and very co#plicated at the sa#e ti#e. J/st li0e yo/ donEt need to 0no% ho% an internal co#b/stion enine %or0s to be a ood driver, yo/ donEt need to 0no% the theory behind ACT to /se it to help i#prove the H/ality o yo/r childEs lie. 6 yo/ desire to learn #ore abo/t ACT, a reerence list is provided in the Appendi.
$oe)ork Assignent,
+. Please revie% the three r/les o ACT %ith yo/r child. 6t is i#portant that yo/r child tells the tr/th, /nderstands that they are sae and that %hat is disc/ssed is personal and private. . "evie% the Proble#
Parent sinat/re
Date
2. Values and Goals 30
7hat is a val/e8 •
•
•
A val/e is the %orth, #erit, or i#portance o so#ethin. A val/e is so#ethin that ives #eanin to o/r lives. A val/e is so#ethin to%ard %hich %e #ove.
•
A val/e is li0e a point on a co#pass.
•
A val/e cannot be reached.
ACT Theroeter 31
The ACT Ther#o# Ther#o#ete eterr #eas/re #eas/ress anythin. 6t oes ro# + to +&. + is very lo lo% ! is is in in the the #idd #iddle le +& is ver very hi hih h
32
Dra% yo/r y o/r o%n ACT Ther#o#eter
33
My -ingerprint
Belo% are so#e thins that are i#portant to /s. There is no riht or %ron ans%er as %e are all dierent, /st li0e o/r inerprint.
se the ACT Ther#o#eter Ther#o#eter and rate on a scale o +-+& 4F+ is very lo% F! is in the #iddle and F+& is very hih5
There are no riht or %ron val/es. So be honest, donEt /st say %hat yo/ thin0 so#eone %o/ld %ant to hear.
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"hat is Iportant to (ou
"elationship %ith parents +. ;o% i#portant is this val/e8 4+-+&5 333333333 . ;o% s/ccess/l are yo/ no%8 4+-+&5 3333333 . 7hat %o/ld yo/ li0e this to loo0 li0e in the /t/re8 4+-+&5 33333333
35
Bein a SisterNBrother +. ;o% i#portant is this val/e8 4+-+&5 333333333 . ;o% s/ccess/l are yo/ no%8 4+-+&5 3333333 7hat %o/ld yo/ li0e this to loo0 li0e in the /t/re8 4+-+&5 33333333 3.
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Bein a riend +. ;o% i#portant is this val/e8 4+-+&5 333333333 . ;o% s/ccess/l are yo/ no%8 4+-+&5 3333333 . 7hat %o/ld yo/ li0e this to loo0 li0e in the /t/re8 4+-+&5 33333333
37
38
Bein ;ealthy +. ;o% i#portant is this val/e8 4+-+&5 333333333 . ;o% s/ccess/l are yo/ no%8 4+-+&5 3333333 . 7hat %o/ld yo/ li0e this to loo0 li0e in the /t/re8 4+-+&5 33333333
39
;avin ?/n +. ;o% i#portant is this val/e8 4+-+&5 333333333 . ;o% s/ccess/l are yo/ no%8 4+-+&5 3333333 . 7hat %o/ld yo/ li0e this to loo0 li0e in the /t/re8 4+-+&5 33333333 40
Bein in a Co##/nity +. ;o% i#portant is this val/e8 4+-+&5 333333333 . ;o% s/ccess/l are yo/ no%8 4+-+&5 3333333 . 7hat %o/ld yo/ li0e this to loo0 li0e in the /t/re8 4+-+&5 33333333
41
Bein Spirit/al +. ;o% i#portant is this val/e8 4+-+&5 333333333 . ;o% s/ccess/l are yo/ no%8 4++&5 3333333 . 7hat %o/ld yo/ li0e this to loo0 li0e in the /t/re8 4+-+&5 33333333
42
Bein 6ndependent +. ;o% i#portant is this val/e8 4+-+&5 333333333 . ;o% s/ccess/l are yo/ no%8 4+-+&5 3333333 . 7hat %o/ld yo/ li0e this to loo0 li0e in the /t/re8 4+-+&5 33333333
43
"hat is a goal
•
A oal can be achieved or reached.
•
A oal can be easy or hard to achieve.
•
•
@o/ can #eas/re yo/r proress to%ard a oal. @o/ 0eep on settin ne% oals in lie.
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Goal Grad/ate ;ih School
Goal Tal0 pleasantly %ith parents or one day
45
Goal Play a a#e %ith brotherN sister
Goal Go to a #ovie %ith a riend
Goal ercise & #in/tes
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%oal or 'alue
Gettin +& oals the %hole soccer season Goal
=al/e
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Goal
=al/e
48
7hat =al/es are Most 6#portant to @o/8
The Magic "and 49
@o/ et to #a0e three %ishes abo/t so#ethin yo/ %ant to do #ore otenO
50
+. 6 %ish 6 co/ld 33333333333333 to #a0e #y lie dierent. My chosen action %o/ld be to 333333333333333.
. 6 %ish 6 co/ld 33333333333333 to #a0e #y lie dierent. My chosen action %o/ld be to 333333333333333.
. 6 %ish 6 co/ld 33333333333333 to #a0e #y lie dierent. My chosen action %o/ld be to 333333333333333.
51
My 0/perient, %oals
7hat oals %o/ld yo/ li0e to achieve in the net %ee08 <6ST T;" +.333333333333333333333333333 333333333333333333333333333 .333333333333333333333333333 333333333333333333333333333
.333333333333333333333333333 333333333333333333333333333
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Parent $andout, 'alues and %oals =al/es and Goals have distinct #eanin in ACT. =al/es are a relection o %hat is i#portant in o/r lie and abo/t %hich %e really care. A Goal is so#ethin that %e can act/ally achieve. @o/ #ay value ro%in intellect/ally %hile yo/ have a goal o readin a boo0. @o/ #ay achieve the oal o readin the boo0 b/t yo/ can never achieve ro%in intellect/ally. $oe)ork Assignent,
+. Please revie% this section %ith yo/r child. . Share %ith yo/r child at least one o yo/r o%n val/es and one o the related oals yo/ have achieved in yo/r lie. . "evie% yo/r childEs ACT Ther#o#eter and the assined scores. (. "evie% yo/r childEs Goals daily. (. 7hen these have been co#pleted, sin yo/r na#e belo%.
Parent sinat/re
Date
53
. (ou
This is yo/K
54
This is yo/ sittin on a chair.
Are yo/ the chair8 @es
$o
55
This is yo/ eatin an apple.
Are yo/ the apple8 @es
$o
56
This is yo/ sinin a son8
Are yo/ the son8 @es
$o
57
This is yo/ ettin a bad rade
Are yo/ the bad rade8 @es
$o
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This is yo/ ettin a ood rade
Are yo/ the ood rade8
@es
$o
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This is yo/ havin a tho/ht. I am really bad at
Are yo/ the tho/ht8 @es
$o 60
This is so#eone else havin a tho/ht abo/t yo/. He is such a
Are yo/ the tho/ht8 61
@es
$o
This is yo/ havin a eelin.
Are yo/ the eelin8 @es
$o 62
@o/K @o/O are not %hat yo/ do. @o/O are not %hat yo/ eat. @o/O are not %hat yo/ sin. @o/O are not the rade yo/ et. @o/O are not %hat yo/ thin0. @o/O are not %hat yo/ eel.
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A Chess 2tory
Ince /pon a ti#e there %as a land %here chess boards lived. There %ere all 0inds o chessboards. So#e %ere very bi and so#e %ere very s#all. So#e %ere colored in bl/e and reen %hile others %ere bro%n and %hite. So#e %ere very old and others %ere brand ne%, b/t they %ere all chessboards.
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All these chessboards had one thin in co##on 2 they all ca#e in contact %ith chess pieces. The 0in, H/een, 0nihts, bishops, roo0s and pa%ns %ere all there. So#e o these pieces %ere carved in old and ivory and %ere bea/ti/l. So#e %ere #ade o %ood and so#e %ere even #ade o cheap plastic. There %ere even pieces that %ere bro0en.
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6t did not #atter %hether the chess pieces %ere bea/ti/l, /ly, old or ne%. They %ere not the same as the chessboard. The chessboard did not chane %hen it had nice pieces on top o it or not. The chessboard %as the sa#e no #atter %hat the pieces %ere #ade o or even i they %ere bro0en. The nd
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@o/ Oare li0e the chessboard. Tho/hts and eelins Oare li0e the chess pieces. The chessboard and the pieces Oare in contact %ith each other. Oare close to each other b/t they are not the sa#e.
7hat are three bad thins people say abo/t yo/8 67
+. 333333333333333333333333 333333333333333333333333 .
333333333333333333333333 .
333333333333333333333333
333333333333333333333333
333333333333333333333333
Are yo/ these bad thins8 @es
$o
7hat are three ood thins people say abo/t yo/8 68
+. 333333333333333333333333 333333333333333333333333 . 333333333333333333333333
333333333333333333333333 . 333333333333333333333333
333333333333333333333333
Are yo/ these ood thins8 @es
$o
-ind (ou
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Circle every Fyo/ and p/t an 3 thro/h each tho/ht and eelin. @o/ Scared @o/ They hate #e @o/ Mad @o/ 6 a# a loser @o/ 7orried @o/ @o/ 6 li0e school 6 hate school @o/ @o/ @o/ 6 a# bad at soccer The dar0 is scary @o/ 6 a# bored Sad Anry @o/ 6 love ice crea# @o/ ;o#e%or0 is a %aste @o/
@o/
@o/
6 have riends
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My 0/perient+
+.
7hat is the tho/ht yo/ have that is the #ost /psettin to yo/8
33333333333333333333333
33333333333333333333333
33333333333333333333333 .
7hat eelin do yo/ have %hen yo/ have that tho/ht8 ;o% stron is the eelin on yo/r ACT Ther#o#eter8
?eelin83333333333333 ;o% stron8 4+-+&5333333333
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Parent $andout This chapter is abo/t helpin yo/r child to separate yo/r childEs tho/hts ro# their sense o sel. This concept is perhaps the #ost diic/lt one to rasp so it %ill reH/ire yo/r help. $oe)ork Assignent,
+. Please revie% this section %ith yo/r child. . Share %ith yo/r child at least one o yo/r o%n neative tho/hts abo/t yo/rsel that is siniicant. . plain ho% bein st/c0 %ith this tho/ht has i#pacted yo/r lie. (. plain ho% tho/hts #ay chane b/t the Fyo/ that has these tho/hts is the sa#e. (. 7hen these have been co#pleted, sin yo/r na#e belo%.
Parent sinat/re
Date
72
4. Acceptance
Acceptance #eans bein open to all eperiences both pleasant and /npleasant %hen they occ/r.
7hat does Acceptance #ean8 •
$oticin all tho/hts and eelins %hen they sho% /p
73
Ma0in roo# or these tho/hts and eelins $ot tryin to et rid o, red/ce or eli#inate /npleasant tho/hts and eelins
•
•
74
The opposite o open is closed. 7hen closed yo/ sh/t yo/rsel o ro# livin a val/ed and #eanin/l lie.
Bein closed also #eans str/lin to avoid /npleasant tho/hts, eelins and sensations. The sol/tions yo/ /se to avoid these /npleasant tho/hts and eelins no% beco#e the proble#. 6 yo/ eperience aniety or a nervo/s eelin in school and see the n/rse yo/ %ill #iss i#portant class ti#e and yo/ %ill #iss i#portant class ti#e. 75
@o/r sol/tion, oin to the n/rse, no% beco#es the proble#. 6n this chapter, yo/ %ill learn to accept tho/hts and eelins and ive /p str/lin.
7hat Does Avoidance Mean8
6t is the opposite o acceptance. 76
6t #eans r/nnin a%ay ro# so#ethin. Do yo/ try to avoidO ?eelin scared8 ?eelin anry8 ?eelin e#barrassed8 Thin0in /npleasant tho/hts abo/t yo/rsel8 Thin0in /npleasant tho/hts abo/t others8
Monsters in My 5ackpack
77
Ince /pon a ti#e there %as a cool 0id na#ed Anthony. Anthony had a bac0pac0 that he carried every%here he %ent.
;e %anted to be li0e the other 0ids and play o/tside or o to birthday parties, b/t so#eti#es, %hen he tried, his bac0pac0 %o/ld bein to #a0e noise and beco#e /nco#ortable.
78
As he ot closer to the activities, the co##otion %o/ld increase and the creat/res %o/ld co#e o/t. 6 he tried to inore the#, they %o/ld t/rn into #onsters, #a0in scary so/nds and aces, orcin Anthony to r/n a%ay.
The #onsters %o/ld stop their scary so/nds and ret/rn to the botto# o his bac0pac0 %hen he #oved a%ay.
79
Anthony %o/ld eel #/ch better and %o/ld %ander aro/nd %atchin the other 0ids, tryin not to oin in. Ater a %hile, Anthony %o/ld beco#e bored si#ply %anderin aro/nd and %o/ld #ove closer to %here he really %anted to be. ;e 0ne% he needed to be brave and co/raeo/s, b/t these #onsters %ere scary. ach ti#e he tried to #ove closer to the activities, the #onsters scared hi# %ith their noises and aces and he %o/ld #ove bac0.
Anthony noticed that it %as really hard to have the bad eelins the #onsters 80
ca/sed. 7hen he tho/ht abo/t it, he i/red o/t that the #onsters co/ld not really h/rt hi#, b/t the eelins %ere hard to overco#e.
Anthony %o/ld %atch the other 0ids have /n and enoy the#selves %hile 0eepin his distance. 7hile this #ade hi# sad, he 0ne% that it %o/ld protect hi# ro# the aniety, %orry and bad eelins. ;e %as saely o/t o har#Es %ay in 0eepin his distance, b/t there %as a price to pay.
81
Anthony %ondered i the price %as reater than he %as %illin to pay. The other 0ids didnEt see# to let thins bother the#. They oined in, played and appeared to have /n. Ine day Anthony decided to oin the acti activit vity y. 7ith his bac0 bac0pa pac0 c0,, he %al0 %al0ed ed to%ards the ro/p. The creat/res bean to #a0e noise and peer o/t o the bac0pac0. ;e 0ept %al0in and they t/rned into #onsters %ith scary aces and #ade scary noises. They cli#bed o/t o the bac0pac0 and s%ar#ed aro/nd Anthony. Anthony. Anthony then then reali:e reali:ed d that the #onsters co/ld not really har# hi#. They co/ld yell and ro%l b/t they %ere 82
po%erless. As he contin/ed to %al0, the nois noises es beca beca#e #e scre screa# a#ss and and thei theirr ace acess %o/ld scare even the bravest 0id.
;e did not stop he %anted to oin in. Anthony i/red o/t that i he %anted to oin the others, he %o/ld have to brin his bac0pac0 %ith the #onsters alon. ;e decided to let the# co#plain and i/ i /re red d th that at li livi vin n %i %ith th /n /nco co# #or orta tabl blee eelins %as still better than not #a0in the choice to oin in and play %ith his riends.
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7hat 7hat /npl /npleas easant ant tho/hts tho/hts and eelins do yo/ try to avoid8 +. Tho/hts 33333333333333333333333333 33333333333333333333333333 33333333333333333333333333 . ?eelins 33333333333333333333333333 33333333333333333333333333 33333333333333333333333333
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;o% is it %or0in8 4circle best ans%er5
Great $ot so ood Terrible
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Nubers 0/perient
6 a# oin to tell yo/ three n/#bers. The n/#bers are +, and . 7hat are the n/#bers8 $o% 6 %ant yo/ to oret the n/#bers. 7hat are the n/#bers8 Concl/sion Ince yo/ ot it, yo/ canEt et rid o it.
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My 0/perient
+. $otice one ti#e %hen yo/ accept an /npleasant tho/ht or eelin. . $otice one ti#e %hen yo/ try to avoid havin an /npleasant tho/ht or eelin.
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Parent $andout
This chapter is abo/t helpin yo/r child to be open 4accept5 to /npleasant tho/hts and eelins. Any atte#pts to et rid o these /npleasant tho/hts and eelins leads to the develop#ent o siniicant str/les by yo/r child. 7hen yo/ beco#e a%are o these in yo/r child, as0 yo/r child to tell yo/ %hat the tho/hts are and %rite the# on a piece o paper. As0 yo/r child to carry the# in their poc0et or the day. Iver ti#e, see i yo/r child can do the sa#e even or a e% days.
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6. $ere and No)
;ere and $o% is based on the notion that livin in the present 4here and no%5 is essential to livin a val/ed lie.
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Noticing 0/perient
Close yo/r eyes 6#aine yo/ are sittin on the ede o a strea# on a bea/ti/l day 6#aine that yo/ see leaves on the strea# co#in to%ard yo/ and then passin by 6#aine these leaves are yo/r tho/hts So#e o the# are pleasant tho/hts and so#e are /npleasant tho/hts $otice the tho/hts $otice the eelins Ipen yo/r eyes 90
"es/lts o peri#ent 7hat tho/hts did yo/ notice8 33333333333333333333333333 33333333333333333333333333 33333333333333333333333333 33333333333333333333333333 7hat eelins did yo/ notice8 33333333333333333333333333 33333333333333333333333333 33333333333333333333333333 33333333333333333333333333
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&ea!es 7n A 2trea "rite a thought or a feeling on each leaf.
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7rite yo/r tho/hts on a lea. 93
My 0/perient +. $otice one /psettin tho/ht yo/ have abo/t yo/rsel8 . 7here %ere yo/8 . 7hat %ere yo/ doin8 (. 7hat happened8
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Parent $andout This chapter is abo/t helpin yo/r child to beco#e #ore s0illed at noticin their o%n private #ental activity 4i.e., tho/hts and eelins5. As0 yo/r child on a daily basis i they noticed one /psettin eperience in their #ind. 6t can be a tho/ht 4e.., 6E# s/ch a loser.5 or an e#otion 4e.., nervo/sness, sadness, aner, etc.5. Qeep a o/rnal or ive days and loo0 or any patterns. Ma0e s/re yo/ praise yo/r child or noticin and A=I6D any debatin or ar/in.
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8. Thoughts
Ince /pon a ti#e, a very lon ti#e ao there %ere t%o cave#en na#ed and J/.
U
!u
and J/ loo0ed very #/ch the sa#e ecept or one bi dierence that %as invisible. had a daner center in his brain b/t J/ did not have a daner center in his brain.
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The daner center %o/ld o o li0e an alar# %henever there %as daner and #ade eel scared.
Ine day and J/, carryin bi stic0s, %ent h/ntin or ood. Ater a %hile, they #oved a bi roc0 and standin there in ront o the# %as a h/e dinosa/r %ith very sharp teeth.
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7hen sa% the dinosa/r his daner center so/nded a silent alar#. Es heart started to beat aster, his #/scles ot tense, his breathin ot H/ic0er and he ran a%ay as ast as he co/ld.
nort/nately, or J/, %ho did not have a daner center in his brain, no silent alar# %ent o. ;is heart did not beat aster, his #/scles did not et tense and his breathin did not et H/ic0er and he did not r/n a%ay as ast as he co/ld.
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Poor J/ /st did not have %hat he needed to s/rvive 2 a daner center in his brain. veryone today has the ood ort/ne to have a daner center in the brain /st li0e . Mo#s, dads, teachers and even doctors have a daner center in their brains. All 0ids have daner centers in their brains too, /st li0e .
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These daner centers let /s 0no% %hen there is a real daner so %e can et a%ay ro# the real daner. ven tho/h there are no dinosa/rs aro/nd today, there are b/sy streets %ith a lot o cars and edes o clis o %hich %e all need to be care/l.
B/t there is a dar0 side to the daner center in o/r brain. So#eti#es %e et a alse alar# %here the daner center oes o %hen there really is no act/al daner. 6 %e avoid or r/n a%ay %hen o/r brain 100
tells /s FDA$G" %hen it is really a alse alar# then %e #ay not be able to do all the thins in lie that are i#portant to /s li0e learnin so#ethin ne% or doin so#ethin dierent or the irst ti#e.
6t is al%ays i#portant to listen to yo/r #ind to avoid doin thins that are really danero/s li0e crossin a b/sy street %itho/t loo0in both %ays. 6t is also i#portant to not listen to yo/r #ind %hen it tells yo/ to avoid thins that are really not danero/s li0e sleepin in yo/r o%n roo#. 101
The Magic 5us
6#aine a Maic B/s that yo/ drive every day on a very special road that ta0es yo/ to%ard all the thins that are i#portant to yo/.
As lon as yo/ 0eep oin or%ard on the very special road yo/ %ill have the lie that yo/ %ant to have.
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This Maic B/s stops alon the %ay to pic0 /p special types o passeners.
ach passener represents all o yo/r tho/hts, #e#ories and eperiences and once they et on the Maic B/s they never, ever et o.
So#e o these passeners are very nice and pleasant and so#e o the passeners are #ean, dirty and s#elly. 103
The Maic B/s ets bier and bier as yo/ et older so that all o yo/r tho/hts and eperiences %ill o %ith yo/ %herever yo/ o.
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So#e o the passeners are very H/iet and /st sit there and enoy the ride. ;o%ever, the ones that are s#elly and dirty de#and the #ost attention. They sho/t at yo/ and tell yo/ all 0inds o thins li0e F@o/ are no ood, @o/ are st/pid, and FDonEt do that beca/se yo/ %ill /st ail. 105
So#eti#es yo/ try to ar/e bac0 and so#eti#es yo/ even try to thro% the# o the b/s. 7hen yo/ str/le and iht %ith the# a /nny thin happens.
The Maic B/s stops #ovin in the direction yo/ %ant it to o. @o/ reali:e that since they %ill never o a%ay, the best thin to do is to stop the str/le to 106
et rid o the#. @o/ 0no% they are there b/t yo/ react to these passeners in the sa#e %ay yo/ react to an in0 spot on yo/r avorite boo0. @o/ notice the in0 spot, accept that it is there and contin/e readin any%ayK
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ven tho/h it is there and yo/ canEt et rid o it yo/ donEt let it stop yo/ ro# readin and enoyin the boo0.
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Nae the Most 9psetting Thought…
Oother people have abo/t yo/. 33333333333333333333333333333 33333333333333333333333333333 33333333333333333333333333333 Oyo/ have abo/t yo/rsel. 33333333333333333333333333333 33333333333333333333333333333 3333333333333333333333333333 Oyo/ have abo/t anythin. 33333333333333333333333333333 33333333333333333333333333333 33333333333333333333333333333
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No) use the ACT Theroeter
4+-+&5 to rate the /pset. peri#entK Select one o the /psettin tho/hts "ate yo/r /pset on a scale ro# +-+& Say it silently to yo/rsel +& ti#es Say it in a %hisper +& ti#es Say it in a sot voice +& ti#es Say it in yo/r nor#al voice +& ti#es Say it in a silly voice +& ti#es "ate yo/r /pset aain on a scale ro# +-+& 7hat did yo/ notice8 My 0/perient 110
7hen yo/ notice an /psettin tho/ht in yo/r #ind, practice one o the strateies yo/ have learned.
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Parent $andout This chapter is abo/t helpin yo/r child to beco#e /nst/c0 ro# the tho/hts in their #ind that et in the %ay o livin a val/ed and #eanin/l lie. Try to create an environ#ent %here it is sae or yo/r child to be open. 6t is hard to listen to yo/r child repeat these neative tho/hts so resist the /re to play the Fla%yer and do not try to ind /ndeniable evidence to tal0 yo/r child o/t o thin0in this %ay. Ater all, isnEt this %hat yo/ have al%ays done8 ;o% has that %or0ed8 So, listen, listen and listen. 7rite the tho/hts verbati# on a piece o paper and see i yo/r child %o/ld be %illin to carry the# aro/nd the ho/se 4it #ay be too scary to ta0e the# to school5. At the end o the day as0 the# %hat %as noticed.
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:. Take Action
The M/le in the 7ell An old ar#er o%ned an old #/le that st/#bled and ell into the old ar#erRs old %ell.
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The ar#er %as alerted to the #/leRs proble# %hen he heard the #/le RbrayinR - or %hatever it is that #/les do %hen they all into %ells.
The ar#er elt sorry or the old #/le and %orried abo/t %hat to do. Beore ta0in action, he tho/ht lon and hard. The old ar#er loo0ed at the proble# irst ro# one point o vie% and then another and then bac0 aain 4al%ays
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care/l to ive eactly as #/ch ti#e to each vie%5. Ater a lon ti#e o thin0in, the old ar#er event/ally ca#e to the air concl/sion that neither the #/le nor the %ell %as %orth the considerable tro/ble o savin. @o/ see, the #/le and the %ell %ere both H/ite old and each had already had H/ite a lon r/n o /se/lness. The old ar#er elt co#ortable that he had reached the riht decision, a air decision, a decision that incorporated the needs o A<<. The old ar#er called his neihbors toether and told the# %hat had happened. They or#ed a co##ittee to 115
%eih in on all sides o the iss/e. They all areed that the old ar#erRs decision %as indeed air and absol/tely correct 4since they A<< areed, ater allK5 They %or0ed toether to brin dirt to ill /p the %ell to p/t the old #/le o/t o his #isery.
As the old ar#er and his neihbors shoveled the dirt into the %ell, the dirt hit the old #/leRs bac0. 116
The old #/le beca#e rihtened and bean #a0in very lo/d brayin noises. Then all o a s/dden an idea str/c0 that #/le o/t o the bl/e. 6t da%ned on hi# that every ti#e a shovel load o dirt landed on his bac0 ... he needed to shake it off and STEP UP! This he did, blo% ater blo%.
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"Shake it off and step up... shake it off and step up ... shake it off and step UP!" The old #/le repeated this over and over aain. This enco/raed hi# to oc/s on ta0in action rather than ivin in to eelins o ear or pain each ti#e a shovel /ll o dirt and roc0s hit his bac0. The old ar#er and his riends tho/ht the noises the old #/le %as #a0in %as %hat old #/les do %hen they all into %ells. They interpreted the #/leRs 118
obvio/s /pset as a clear sinal that their decision %as correct. They %or0ed even harder as they shoveled #ore dirt into the %ell to p/t the #/le o/t o his #iseryK $o #atter ho% pain/l the blo%s, or ho% /psettin the sit/ation see#ed, the old #/le si#ply noticed his ear and just kept right on shaking it off and stepping up. The old #/le oc/sed on the tas0 at hand rather than his ear. So it %asnRt so terribly lon beore that old #/le, to the a#a:e#ent o the old ar#er and his riends, stepped triumphantly over the wall of that well!
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7hat see#ed li0e it %o/ld b/ry hi#, act/ally helped hi# ... all beause of how the old mule took ation.
T;ATRS <6?K 6 %e ace o/r proble#s and respond to the# positively, re/sin to ive in to ear, bitterness, or sel-pity, 120
the hard thins that co#e alon to b/ry /s /s/ally have %ithin the# the very real potential to beneit /sK
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My 0/perient
Action Step Contract This is %here yo/ decide %hat speciic actions yo/ are %illin to do that are i#portant even tho/h yo/ #ay have /npleasant tho/hts and eelins. Since these are hard, yo/r parents and yo/ can decide to have yo/ earn re%ards or yo/r hard %or0. 6 aree to do the ollo%in +.
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6n echane 6 %ill receive +.
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Parent $andout verythin to this point is or na/ht /nless yo/r child is %illin to ta0e action to%ard so#ethin that is i#portant to the#. The biest error that parents #a0e is as0in or too bi a step. "e#e#ber the sloan little steps or little peopleK Choose a s#all step that is li0ely to #eet %ith s/ccess. Provide enco/rae#ent in the or# o praise and incentives. 7ith s/ccess the steps can rad/ally be #ade larer. 7e %ant to establish s/ccess not ail/re. Good l/c0K
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