A BIBLICAL PORTRAIT OF MARRIAGE Session 11 COMMUNICATION: Speak the Truth in Love Introduction Not long ago after the wedding wedding,, couples couples often experie experience nce difficulty difficulty in communic communicatin ating. g. Some Some retreat retreat behind silence. silence. . .some erupt erupt in anger. anger. . .and some fail to listen. Illustration: My firs firstt expe experi rien ence ce to ride ride in a ship ship put put me in trou troubl ble e beca becaus use e of communication. communication. I went to the CR and placed placed my soap on the the washing table table and a man came came and said, “Imo “Imo ni habon.” habon.” I said, “No.” “No.” I was surprised surprised he he took my my soap and left. Interaction: Why do we need to communicate in marriage? Why do couples do not communicate communication? • •
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-Jesus is called “logos” the Word of God. It means He is the Word of God, speech of God. God. Then it was said, said, “the heavens heavens declare declare the glory of the Lord.” -God has given us His Word, the Bible to communicate His heart. -The problem in communication is seen everywhere among children to parents, husband and wife etc. -Many counselors say that the breakdown/conflict in marriage starts with poor communication. -Again, I am not going to present to you what the world says about communication by presenting 10 ways but we will see the Bible and learn what God is teaching us about it. Martin Luther says, Luther says, Think of all the squabbles Adam and Eve must have had in the course of their nine hundred hundred years. Eve would say, say, ‘you ate the apple’, apple’, and Adam would would retort, ‘you gave it to me.’ -Did you notice that ‘little things bother us.”
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Dennis Rainey says, Rainey says, “Confli “Conflict ct often starts with somethi something ng small, even inconseq inconsequen uential. tial. As someone has said, people who claim that small things don’t bother them never slept in a room with a mosquito.” How do you communicate? -Tongue is used as a tool to communicate. In what ways is the tongue pictured in Scripture? •
Horse and bit
James 3:3, 3:3, “Indeed, we put bits in horses’ mouths that they may obey us, and we turn their whole body.” •
Ship and rudder
James 3:4, 3:4, “Look at the ships: although they are so large and are driven by fierc fierce e winds, winds, they they are turned turned by a very very small small rudde rudderr where wherever ver the pilot desires.” •
Boasti Boa sting ng tongue ton gue
James 3:5a, 3:5a, “Even to the tongue is a little member and boasts great things.” -“I’m am great.” “ I am number one.” one.” Pride. •
Tongue as fire
James 3:5b-6, 3:5b-6, “See how great great a forest a little fire kindles. kindles. And the tongue tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. iniquity. The tongue tongue is so set among our our members members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature, and it is set on fire by hell.” -Tongue destroys a marriage. •
Tongue as serpent
Proverbs 18:21, 18:21 , “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” -It speaks lie just what happened in the garden of Eden. •
Tongue as sword
Proverbs Proverbs 12:18, 12:18, “There is one who speaks like the piercing of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health.”
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-Tongue can cut a person or marriage. What fundame fundamenta ntall princip principles les of commun communicat ication ion are present presented ed in James James 1:19? Swift to hear-“ hear-“Say Say itit again again please please.. I didn’t didn’t unders understand tand you. Can you 1. Swift repeat it.” 2. Slow to speak-Not listening but preparing to say the word while the other is still speaking. 3. Slow Slow to wrath-W wrath-Why hy do you you think think wrath wrath is inclu included? ded? Because Because one one reason reason for conflict in communication is anger. -Wrath is the problem of communication. James 1:26, 1:26, “If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one’s religion is useless.” -You and your tongue. What is the proper response to anger? A soft, gentle answer. Proverbs Proverbs 15:1, 15:1, “a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” How does Ephesians 4:25-32 portray godly communication? Ephesians 4:25-26: communication 1. Don’t lie. Lying comes out of mouth destroys communication truth. It means means the whole truth not not half or partial partial truth. truth. Truth 2. Speak the truth. makes us free from what? Anxiety and fear. don’t sin. What is the root of incorrect incorrect communicat communication? ion? It’s 3. Be angry and don’t anger. -What is the solution of anger? Read on. 4. Reconcile immediately. devil.”
Why? Read verse 26, 26, “Nor give place to the
Wha What roo root prob roblem lem must must be add address ressed ed in order to have healt althy communication? Ephesians 4:29: 4:29 : “Let no corrupt communication proceed. . .” -Corrupt means foul, unclean, improper,
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Ephesians 4:30: 4:30 : “And do not grieve the Spirit. . .” Ephesians 4:31: 4:31 : 6 things that cause corrupt communication: Issue inside of me not with the person. person. What causes causes corrupt communicat communication ion and what causes causes the Spirit to grieve? 1) 2) 3) 4) 5) 6)
Bitt Bitter erne ness ss Wrath Anger Clamor is loud voice, noisy, or yelling. Evil Evil spea speaki king ng Malice is intention to do no good.
Sin inside of me causes corrupt communication. Ephesians 4:32: 4:32 : 3 things that blesses communication: 1) Kind Kind to to one one anoth another er 2) Tend Tender erhe hear arte ted d 3) Forgi Forgivi ving ng each each oth other er Clean up your heart heart.. Don’t look look at the one one you are talking talking with, with, look to yourself and see if there is a problem within you. Forgive is the solution in order to have good communication. 1 Peter 3:8, 3:8 , “Finally all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tender hearted, be courteous.” -The lesson is that when you are misunderstood or when your spouse says bad words is to be compassionate, love, tender hearted and be courteous. 1 Peter 3:9, 3:9 , “Not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessi blessing ng,, know knowing ing that you you were were calle called d to this, this, that that you you may may inheri inheritt the a blessing.” -Responding in love even when you are misunderstood brings blessing. -You care called to being a blessing. -“Inherit” means if you want good life do good. Matthew 12:36,”But 12:36 ,”But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment.” -Idle word means spoken casually, jokes. Matthew 12:37: “For your words you will be justified, and by your words you will condemned or judged.”
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The biblical principle tongue: Ken Durham says, “The primary speech organ, the birthplace of our words, is the human heart.” What is the principl principle e of good good communicat communication ion? ? What the secret secret of good communication? -Speak the truth in love . Spea Speak k (my (my resp respon onsi sibi bili lity ty), ), (content/message), love (not in anger but understand and compassion).
trut truth h
-We need 5 words, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” me.” -“If you really really want to, you can stop fighting fighting today immedia immediately tely.” .” How? How? The secret? Extend your tongue tongue until the tip just barely barely protrudes between between your upper and lower front teeth. -In any situation, “agree to communicate.”
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