Roberta Leigh - Too Young To Love "Gavin's right about you," Sara's aunt told her. "You don't love him enough. Maybe you're only in love with the memory of that first love. Perhaps now that you're seen him again you'll be able to forget him." But Sara knew she wouldn't. Even at eighteen she had known Gavin Baxter was the one man for her. Her youth and inexperience had torn them apart. Was she mature enough now to win him a second time? Or had her lack of trust destroyed his love for her forever?
CHAPTER ONE Sara Claremont dropped the letter she had been reading on to her lap and stared reflectively into space. So her father had finally remarried. She had expected it for a long time, in fact since Aunt Grace - her late mother's cousin - had come to live with them five years ago: except that her father had not married Grace after all, but a young and unknown fashion model called Helen who had come come to promote British Bri tish fashions at the th e Embassy Embassy and had also, it seemed, promoted herself to its Ambassador. "Helen took some some persuading to believe she wasn't wasn't too young youn g for me," her father had written, "but luckily I was able to change her mind and we were married quietly quietl y a week ago. I didn't ask ask you to the wedding because because I felt it it would be an embarrassment for you, but once you and Helen know each other, I'm sure sure you'll become become friends. frien ds."" There was more in the same vein, but Sara could not take it in. All she could think of was that Aunt Grace had been left high and dry and that she herself had been presented with a stepmother only nine years her senior. How could her father have done such a foolish thing? "What's up with you?" you ?" a matter-of-fact voice demanded, demanded, and Sara looked up and handed the letter to her friend Ann, with whom she shared a room at Mademoiselle Mademoiselle Rose' R ose's s finishing finishi ng school in Lugano. Lu gano. After a short interval Ann stopped reading and pulled a face. "What a ghastly thing to happen! If it had been my father I could have understood it, but yours has always been such a fuddy-duddy!" "It's "It's the fuddy-d fu ddy-duddies uddies who generally generall y end up u p making fools of themselves," Sara said darkly. "I can't think what got into him." "Sex," Ann muttered. Sara's cheeks flamed, flamed, but she was sensible sensible enough en ough to know kn ow that other people people did not see her father in the same way she did; to her he was a kindly man in his fifties; fi fties; to strange eyes he was a handsom h andsome, e, sophisticated diplomat diplomat of impeccab impeccable le breeding, breedin g, wealth and position; an eligible el igible catch at any age. "It would have to happen in my last term," she said aloud. "Now I'll I'll have h ave to go home and play gooseberry gooseberry to a honeymoon couple." "Why not come and live with me for a while?"
Sara thought of the large stone house on the Yorkshire moors where Ann lived with three boisterous brothers and her equally boisterous parents, and decided she would prefer to be a gooseberry. gooseberry. "I probably won't stay with Father all that long," she murmured. "I'll have to decide what what to do with my life." "Get married and have fun." "Shouldn't it be have fun and then get married?" Ann giggled and Sara joined in, for it was difficult to be in Ann's company for long and remain miserable. But later that evening she thought thought of her future with further misgivings misgivings and wondered whether it might not be better to accept Ann's invitation. Perhaps she would stay in Paris for a few weeks and then go to Yorkshire. Whatever she decided to do, do, she had the feeling feel ing she wouldn't want to make a permanent home with her father now that he had acquired a young wife. This belief was not quite so firm when Sara met her stepmother for the first time. She had left Lugano in the morning and arrived in Paris later that same day, being met :at the airport by Baker, who had been her father's chauffeur since she was a child. chil d. "Sir William apologises for not meeting you himself," he said as they drove towards the city, "but he had a meeting with one of the French ministers, and Lady Claremont had an appointment with some interior decorator from New York." "Interior decorator?" Sara echoed. Baker nodded. "Her ladyship is refurnishing the Embassy. Quite a lot of comings comings and goings there've been about it too." "My father must hate that," Sara smiled. "I have the impression that Sir William is delighted, miss." To Sara the words were a clear indication that her father had no regrets about his marriage, and she felt some of the tension leave her. Perhaps it would work out well after all. The car swept into the courtyard of a beautiful stone house, and she mounted the short flight of steps to the entrance and entered the cool, flower-filled hall. The decor here was the same as it always had been
- formal and functional - hut as she entered the salon her eye was enchanted by the new soft spring colours of the lemon silk drapes at the tall windows and the pale green and lilac patterned settees and armchairs. The young youn g woman woman who came forward to greet her was in stark contrast to the th e delicacy of the room, having matt white skin, jet black hair that silkily covered her skull and swept forward on either cheek, bright brown eyes with short thick lashes that marked them without softening them, and a small, full-lipped red mouth. Beautiful but hard, Sara thought, and could understand why her father had been captivated. Grace, with her muted appearance appearance and calm manner, must have seemed dull by comparison comparison with this dramatic-looking creature. "Welcome home, Sara." Helen's voice was firm but friendly, frien dly, as was her handshake. She might only be ten years older than her stepdaughter, but she seemed double that in confidence and the air of maturity she exuded. "I suppose suppose our marriage must have come come as a shock to you?" you ?" "A surprise," surpri se," Sara replied, repli ed, and saw saw her young stepmother's stepmother's mouth part to show even white teeth. "You're as diplomatic as your father! You don't look a bit like him, though. I suppose you take after your mother?" "I don't don't look like l ike either ei ther of my parents. I think I'm a throwb thr owback ack to some some longdead ancestor." "A very pretty throwb thr owback ack too. The picture your father showed me doesn't doesn't do you justice." "I didn't didn't know my father had any pictures of me," said Sara. "It was a snapshot snapshot taken with Grace G race Rickards." Sara deemed it wiser to let this remark pass and looked around the room instead. "I like the alterations you have made here." "That's sweet sweet of you to say so." The older girl looked pleased. "I've "I've re-done all al l the personal rooms except your bedroom. I thought you might like to do that yourself." Sara was touched by by the suggestion suggestion but said she wasn't wasn't sure it would woul d be worthwhile doing, since she did not know how long she would be staying in
Paris. "Your father is hoping you will make your home with us," Helen said. "And I'd love it i t if you did. You'd at least bring some some young people into in to the Emb E mbass assy y instead of a lot of middle-aged bores." "My father is middle-aged," Sara blurted out. "I don't think of William in that way. It's only when I see him with his friends that I realise how much older than me he is. Once he sits down at the bridge table the generation gap rears its head!" "I play bridge," Sara smiled. "You're a diplomat's daughter. I'm sure you do many things I don't do." Sara could not think of any until Helen elaborated. "You know how to ride and to play tennis. You speak French like a native and probably Italian too, and I bet you never neve r get fussed by protocol." protocol." "Those are all very unimportant things," Sara assured her. "I'm sure you could do them too if you wished." wished." A sound behind her made Helen turn and she moved forward as the door opened and her husband h usband came came in. Sara's first thought was that he looked exactly the same as ever, and her second was wry humour at herself for thinking he might not have done. What had she expected him to do? Dye his grey hair hai r black and sport coloured shirts shir ts and corduroy suits? She should have known that even marriage to a girl young enough to be his daughter would not change her father's outward appearance. Tall, suave and distinguished, he was every inch the successful successful diplomat, diplomat, a success success he would have achieved, she was sure, even had he not come come from an ancient and illustrious family with an ancient and illustrious fortune to boot. He kissed his wife briefly and then turned to his daughter. "Sara, my dear, welcome home. Forgive me for not inciting you at the airport." Sara hugged h ugged him and blinked back the tears. "It's lovely to be home, Father." "Have you had a chance of getting gettin g acquain acquainted ted with Helen?" Helen ?" He drew back and held out his arm for his wife to join the circle. "We haven't talked tal ked much," Sara said. "I only only arrived arri ved a few minutes ago."
"Luckily I've managed to keep tonight free, just for the three of us," Sir William said. "I thought it would be nice to have a family get-together." "I wish you'd warned warned me, darling," darlin g," Helen interven in tervened. ed. "I asked asked Mike to dine din e with us. I thought it might be amusing for Sara to have a man nearer her own age around." "If that was in your mind, my dear," her husband replied, "it would have been more to the point to have asked Gavin. He at least is unattached." "So is Mike." "Only because his wife is with her parents in Yorkshire." "I can easily ask Gavin to join us," Helen said swiftly. "I have an idea he's already engaged for dinner. I'll have a word with him myself and suggest suggest he comes in for coffee, if he can get away early enough." "You don't need to go to such bother for me," Sara protested. "I'm "I'm more more than happy just to be with you." She Sh e squeezed her father's arm and was warmed warmed by its echoing pressure. Despite his marriage marri age she felt as close to him as ever. It had been silly of her to have such fears for the future. "I'd like to go to my room and unpac un pack," k," she murmured. murmure d. "I daresay daresay you'll want to buy yourself your self some some new clothes now you've left l eft your schooldays schooldays behind you?" her father teased t eased.. "I have masses of clothes." "I've never known a girl turn down the chance of having more." He glanced from his daughter to his wife. "Helen, for instance, is always complaining she never has a thing to wear, yet to my knowledge she averages one new dress a day." "You're exaggerating as usual," Helen said. "Anyway, I get my clothes at a massive massive discount." discount." The dark eyes fixed themselves on Sara. "I'll be able to arrange it for you too. Being in the business, so to speak, I'm well in with all the top houses. They're more than pleased to give me a special special price so long as I can guarantee to get myself photographed in their th eir clothes." "I don't think I can guarantee that," Sara said. "I'm "I'm just the Amb A mbass assador's ador's
daughter." Helen looked so pleased that Sara wondered if her he r stepmother was conceited. conceited. If she were, it would be as well to pander to it, for it might smooth the path of their relations r elationship. hip. "We can go shopping tomorrow," Helen said. "I'm sure Jacques Domas does the right sort of clothes for you." Smiling her agreement, Sara went to her room. It was difficult to believe she was not home merely for the holidays but for as long as she wished to remain. The need to stay with Ann in Yorkshire did not seem quite so pressing and, if she could maintain the status quo with her stepmother, might not arise at all. Sooner or later she would have to make a decision about her future, but for the moment all she had to do was enjoy the fact that school wan behind her. From now on she must think of herself as an adult. The dress she chose did everything everythin g possible possible to enhance enh ance this status. Of cream silk jersey, it folded itself around her tall slender body and gently defined the outline of breasts mid hips. The neckline was softly cowled and her shoulders rose in a perfect curve from it, the skin as satiny in texture as her toffeecoloured hair which fell dramatically straight from a centre parting. Thick golden eyelashes, the ends en ds sable sable dark, curled round r ound large lar ge smoky-grey smoky-grey eyes, their irises rimmed with darker grey. They were astonishingly beautiful eyes, silver in colour when she was excited or angry and the grey of woodland smoke smoke when she was sad. sad. Now, Now, with her mood indefinable, the th e grey irises i rises were flecked with light, the pupils wide and dark. Her delicate features were saved from indistinction by the slight tilt of her straight nose and the passionate fullness of a mouth whose pink colour drew attention to its delightful shape. In a room of vividly coloured beauties like her stepmother, she would pass unnoticed, unnoti ced, though the discerning discernin g eye would see the promise of the greater beauty to come. Sara was downstairs before her father and stepmother. Normally she would have gone into her father's room to chat to him while he finished brushing his hair and putting on his jacket, but tonight she had not done so, knowing that his room was no longer hers to enter freely. It brought with it a momentary droop to her mouth and she was toying with the idea of taking a drink to revive her spirits, when a man came into the room. He looked so much a Mike that she knew he was. He was slightly above average height with rugged features, lightish brown hair and a skin that spoke of outdoor living. He looked as if he would be more at home on the rugger field than in diplomatic circles
but his manner, manner , as he came forward to greet her, her , was as impeccab impeccable le as his hi s old school tie accent. "Good evening, evenin g, Miss Claremont," he said easily. "I'm "I'm Mike Evans. Evan s. I've I've heard so much about you in the last couple of weeks that I feel I'm meeting an old friend." "Then you must call me Sara," she smiled. He smiled back, then glanced round as Helen and Sir William came in. "So you two have met already," the older man said. "I've "I've introduced i ntroduced myself, sir." He bowed slightly in Helen's direction and she returned the gesture with a cool smile. She wore a dress in vivid blues and greens which made her look like some some tropical bird bir d of paradise. Her glance at Sara was friendly fri endly but appraising, giving Sara Sar a the impress i mpression ion that th at she was being carefully assess assessed. ed. "What news do you have of your wife?" Sir William asked. "She called me earlier this evening. She's been in bed with a heavy cold, but apart from that she's enjoying herself." He looked at Sara. "My wife is very much a country girl. If she had her way I would have retired from the service and taken up farming." "You look the type to have enjoyed it." "I like the open-air life," he agreed, "but not the dull grind of being tied to the land." "Think of all the hunting you could do," Helen said. Mike laughed. "I prefer to do my hunting in the ballrooms of Paris!" "There speaks a lonely husband," Sir Willi Wi lliam am comm commented. ented. "I must must warn your you r wife not to stay away so long in future." The younger man conceded the point and then began to talk of hunting proper, a subject that appeared appeared dear to his h is heart. Sara sat back and watched watched him. Mike had not been at the t he Embassy Embassy the last time she had come home, which meant he had been here for less than three
months. Yet as the evening eveni ng progressed progressed she saw how well well he fitted fi tted in, displaying the right blend of deference and formality, both towards her father and his bride. It was difficult to think of Helen as a bride, for there was nothing romantic in her manner towards her husband and; though Sara had not expected her father to act the gay lover, lover , she had anticipated some some suggestion suggestion of it from fr om his wife. Perhaps Helen was embarrassed embarrassed to be be affectionate in front of her stepdaughter until she had assessed Sara's opinion on the subject of her father's second marriage. "What did you think of the dinner?" Helen asked her as they returned to the drawing room for coffee. "It's the best meal I've had here," Sara said truthfully. "I engaged a new chef. It was quite quite a feat to get him: two other Embassies Embassies were competing for his hi s services." "How did you manage it?" "Bribery and corruption," Helen said matter-of-factly. "Helen is a meticulous "hostess," Sir William, who was close on their heels, said. "She has even surprised me by the way she has taken over all the domestic chores." "I'm "I'm determined to make this Embassy Embassy the smartest smartest in Paris," his wife replied. r eplied. "I don't see why we should let the Americans have it all their own way. Do you know I heard that their main rooms are just crammed with with Im Impressionist pressionist paintings?" "I am afraid I can't oblige there," Sir William said with a sly smile. "French art was something my family never went in for. However, I can bring over a Holbein or two." "I don't think I could bear to have your ancestors staring down at me all the time - even if they were painted by a genius!" "Suits me," said her husband promptly. "Family portraits should be kept in the family house." He looked l ooked faintly pensive. "I must say I'll I'll be glad when when I can retire there. Dorset is a lovely part of the country." "You won't be retiring for a long time yet." Helen seated herself by the french windows, as if knowing that the lemon silk curtains acted as a foil for her
brightly patterned dress. "Right now I'm concerned concerned with making the most of living here." "You've already gone a long lon g way towards towards doing that," Mike interven in tervened. ed. "You've "You've worked wonders with the house and if you keep serving up meals like tonight, people will be clamouring clamourin g to come come to your parties." "That's exactly exactly what I want," she replied. repli ed. "I dare say it will bore you after a time," Sir William said. "I don't don't see why. You've been living li ving this thi s sort of life for so long, you've become bored with it. But I'm only just beginning and I intend to make my mark. We're going to be renowned for our entertaining." "I'm quite content to leave things the way they are. The quieter the life the better, as far as I'm concerned." "But you are no longer the only one who is concerned," his wife said. "You have me to consider - and Sara as well." "I can't can't see Sara enjoying enjoyin g Embassy Embassy dinn dinners ers - no matter how successful successful they are. Isn't that right, my dear?" her father asked her. Sara longed l onged to say yes, but but felt it would be tactless to disagree disagree with Helen at this stage. She was surprised at the woman's insistence on achieving achievin g a social social position, and then immediately acknowledged her own naivety. After all, this was one of the reasons Helen had married. Much as Sara adored her father, she could not envisage any girl of twenty-eight wanting to marry a man of fifty unless social position, wealth and a title were important to her. She glanced surreptitiously at her father. He seemed content to let his young wife take over the conversation, and was looking at her with such pleasure that Sara felt irrationally angry. No middle-aged man had the right to look so fatuous! She glanced at Mike and saw he was looking at Helen in the same way too. Were all men susceptible to brittle charm and vivacity? Jumping to her feet, Sara went out on the terrace that overlooked the formal French garden. The grass was was so green green it could have been painted; and the flowerfl owerbeds so neat they looked like children's cut-outs. Behind her she heard her father's voice raised in greeting and she moved back into the t he room r oom to see that another man had come come in. in . He seemed the same same age as Mike Evans, but here all similarity ended, for he was extremely tall and
dark- haired and so highly polished - both in appearance and manner - that illogically she thought how well he matched the geometrically perfect gardens she had just been admiring. admirin g. Nothing about him was out of place and he looked l ooked every inch the diplomat she immediately knew him to be. "Gavin, I would like you to meet my daughter," Sir William said. "Sara, this is Gavin Baxter." The man strode forward and Sara felt her hand taken in a firm clasp and then quickly released. Eyes as intensely blue as a Siamese cat stared directly into her own, though she had the distinct impression he was aware of every part of the rest of her. He had a dynamic quality that made her feel breathless, as if she had run full tilt against his personality, and she straightened her shoulders and stared back at him with deliberate coolness, though she inexplicably felt a gauche eighteen. "Hello, Sara. Sar a. Welcome home." His voice was as strik striking ing as his appearance: firm yet quick and unexpectedly deep. He was also the tallest man Sara had ever met. Five foot eight inches herself, she was more used to men being slightly above her own eye level, and found it strange to have to tilt her head in order to look into this man's face. It was a face one could enjoy looking at, with narrow slanting eyes, a long straight nose down which he could no doubt stare superciliously, and an extremely determined jawline redeemed from harshness by an unexpected dimple in his chin. His mouth was thin but well-shaped, and curved in a smile, though she could coul d imagine imagine it becoming as uncompromisingly uncompromisingly hard as the rest of his features featur es if he were displeased. displeased. He was tanned a ri rich ch golden brown, and she thought fancifully how well his face would have fitted on to the prow of a ship. As if aware of her scrutiny he smiled slightly sardonically and stepped away from her to greet Helen. It gave Sara a chance to study his profile which, without the humorous glint in his eyes being visible, made him appear tougher than a man of his age should be. "How was your dinner party?" Helen asked him. "It was a working dinner, dinn er, Lady Claremont, not a party. But it was a great success. I was agreeably surprised." "I don't believe anything could surprise you. You work everything out far too carefully." "I try to take account of every ever y obstacle," obstacle," he conceded. conceded.
"If you didn't," Sir William said mildly, "you wouldn't be my First Secretary. Which reminds me, we have an early appointment tomorrow with the Russians. Each time I meet them, th em, I'm I'm delighted I never ended up in Moscow Moscow instead of Paris." "So am I," Helen cut in. "Nothing could induce me to live in Moscow." "I'm "I'm sure you don't mean that," Gavin G avin Baxter protested suavely. "You would have added sparkle sparkle to the th e cold Russian winters. winter s. I can can see you trekking tr ekking after Sir William even if he were posted to the North Pole!" Helen laughed prettily and Sir William looked pleased. "And what about you?" Gavin Baxter fixed Sara with a bright blue gaze. "Are you going to stay here and enjoy Paris, or do you have some deep ambition to fulfil?" "At the moment I plan to stay here and enjoy myself until the autumn," she told him. "Are you interested in getting your M.R.S. degree?" It took her a moment to realise he meant marriage, and red colour stained her cheeks. "Certainly not, Mr. Baxter. There's more to life than getting married." "You surprise me." There was no question but that he was teasing teasing her. her . "You're so young and lovely that I see no point in your bothering to educate yourself further." "You mean any fool can get married 1" "Any fool can marry," he agreed, "but it takes a wise person to remain in that state!" "Did you get your degree in philosophy, Mr. Baxter?" "Only diplomacy, Sara. But sometimes I think a philosophical outlook would help me imm i mmeasurably." easurably." "Gavin is a man of many parts, my dear." Sir William joined them, brandy glass in hand, and Sara moved close to him and linked her arm through his, suddenly happy to be home with him and wishing with all her heart that there were just the two of them, the way they had been for so long. Fleetingly she thought of Aunt Grace, whose presence had never been disturbing or intrusive
- which was probably the reason why her father had not seen her as anything more than the efficient woman who had run his home after his wife's death. "I must must go and see her when I'm in London," Sara thought, th ought, and then concentrated on what was being being said, confessing confessing that th at she had h ad been miles away and not heard her father's last remark. "I was telling you that Gavin is a man of many parts." "I didn't think there were many parts to a diplomat," Sara replied, not looking at the young man beside her. "But Gavin hasn't always been a diplomat," her father said. "I'm sure your daughter isn't interested in my past, sir." "But I am," Sara retorted. "Were you a business whiz kid or an intellectual boffin?" For an instant a spark lurked in the depths of the bright blue eyes, then it died and they became became enigmatic. "The only thing Gavin has ever built up," Sara's father said with a laugh, "is a daredevil reputation. He was a test pilot till a bad crash five years ago." Sara felt foolish, which she knew Gavin had wanted, but she faced him boldly. "Only a diplomat for five years, Mr. Baxter. You've done amazingly well." "Opportun "Opportunity ity and aptitude, Sara," Sar a," he said easily. "One I was given and the other I had." "It takes intelligence to see an opportunity," Helen said. She had sauntered over to join them and, standing beside Gavin, Sara noticed that their hair was the same jet black. They both had a similar personality too, being vivid and intense and exuding an aura of controlled vitality. Yes, it was this vitality which would make both the man and the woman stand out in a crowd. crowd. This was what had attracted her father to Helen and what most most women would find attractive about Gavin Baxter, providing they could penetrate beneath the barrier he put up around himself. She was surprised at her use of the word "barrier" and looked at him covertly. Yes, despite the charm he exuded, there was an air of guardedness about about him. "You promised to go go riding ridin g with me, Gavin," Helen Hel en was saying, "but "but for the
past week I've had to make do with Mike." Only because she was standing close to Gavin was Sara aware that he had stiffened. "I told you I wasn't sure I could make it last l ast week, Lady Lady Claremont." Clar emont." "I don't believe you even tried to get away. But it doesn't matter. Mike and I have got into a routine." r outine." "So my services are no longer required?" "I'm afraid not." Again Sara saw the man stiffen and, intrigued by it, she covertly studied Helen, who was looking both mocking and triumphant. Before she had a chance to think about it, Mike Evans came over to distract her attention, and she heard herself asking him about his wife and where her parents lived in Yorkshire, only realising, as Gavin turned to listen, that they were his parents too. How stupid of her not to have remembered that he and Mike Evans were brothers-in-law. "Do you know Yorkshire?" Mike asked her. "My best friend lives at Polsdon. Ann Rogers." "I know the Rogers family," Gavin Baxter added. "Not your girl friend, though, but her older brother. She's still at school, isn't she?" "She's eighteen," Sara Sar a said coldly, coldly, "and she left school school when I did." did." "I was only wrong by a couple of days, then!" "Some schoolgirl you are!" Mike intervened, grinning at her before she could reply. "In my days schoolgirls wore gymslips and had buck teeth." "So did I at twelve." Sara's answeri answering ng smile showed even white teeth which belied her words. "Both you and your brother-in-law seem to be outdated when it comes to the present generation." "Ouch!" Gavin Baxter rubbed a mythical wound in his chest. "You dig your knife in deep, Sara." "I hope I didn't hurt you, Mr. Baxter" she replied, annoyed at his continued use of her first name. Was it because he considered her a schoolgirl that he believed he could address address her how he liked? l iked? That he guessed guessed what she was
thinking was apparent from the gleam in his eyes, but he was too skilled to make any verbal comment and, as Sara turned her back on him, her father suggested suggested that the four of them made up a game of bridge. "Doesn't your daughter play?" she heard Gavin ask. "Only on sufferance." Sir William's Will iam's voice voice was amused. amused. "She isn't fond of cards." cards." "I'm "I'm sure it's something she'll grow into, sir." sir ." Sara's cheeks burned, but she refused to look round and went on talking to Mike. There was a flurry of movement behind her and she knew the card table was being being set up. It was a good good time to retire, reti re, and as Gavin Baxter and Helen sorted out the cards and paper paper tablets, she kissed her father goodnight goodnight and an d slipped unobtrusively from the room. She was not tired ti red and didn't want to go to bed, but but she was unwillin unwil ling g to remain by herself while the others played bridge - a game which she had no intention of growing into! What an insufferable man Gavin Baxter was. Why Helen wanted to ride with him beat her. Mike Evans was much nicer.
CHAPTER TWO Sara spent most of the next week with her stepmother, for her father and everyone else at the Embassy Embassy was preoccupied preoccupied with a trade delegation. Helen saw it as an ideal opportunity to take Sara shopping, and derived as much pleasure from it as if she were buying clothes for herself. She spent hours over the choice of styles and colours and went from one couturier to another. She was on first name terms with most of them and Sara was surprised to learn that she had not only been a model for a big wholesale house but had been concerned with the designing of the clothes they had produced. "If I'd wanted to work hard I could have had my own business," she confided one afternoon at the end of the week as they drove back to the Embassy, masses of dress boxes around them. "I'm "I'm sure you would woul d have been very ver y successful," successful," Sara said, and meant it. "I know. But it would have meant having my nose to the grindstone the whole time." Helen wriggled her feet. They were narrow and well-shaped and she looked at them with pleasure. "You have no idea what a luxury it is to be able to do as I like when I like; not to worry about the cost of things and to have no fears about your security." The black head tilted. "I suppose you think that mercenary?" "Not at all. It makes me realise reali se how lucky I am that I've never had to do the same." "But you aren't spoilt," Helen said grudgingly. "That's probably probably because because of my Aunt A unt Grace. She Sh e always made made me very ver y aware of the value val ue of money and an d - " Sara mopped a as s she saw a hard look settle on her stepmother's lace. She had not known if Helen realised that her own arrival on the scene had put paid to Grace Rickards' hopes, but her change of expression signified that she did. "Why do you call her Aunt Grace?" Helen asked. "She was only your mother's cousin." "But Aunt Grace was orphaned when she was eight and they were brought up together."
"I think it's affected to call people aunt or cousin, when you're no longer a child. Next thing I know you'll be wanting to call me mother I" "I would never do that; I remember remember my own too well." well ." Helen had the wit to look discomfited discomfited but not sufficient suffi cient grace to apologise, and Sara was glad to see they were turning into the Embassy courtyard and she could busy herself gathering up the parcels. "Leave them," Helen ordered as though born to servants, and Sara reluctantly complied complied and went into in to the house h ouse empty-handed. empty-handed. Her father and Gavin Baxter were unexpectedly taking tea in the drawingroom and Helen moved over to the silver tray with an exclamation of delight. "A cup of tea - just what I need!" She poured herself one, declining the sandwiches sandwiches and cakes her husband offered. Sara had no such inhibitions and helped herself hungrily. She had eaten nothing since breakfast, for Helen was very careful what she ate and had refused to take time ti me off from shopping shopping to have h ave lunch. lu nch. She swallowed swallowed a cucumber cucumber sandwich and bit into in to another one, then became became aware of bright blue eyes watching her. The plate in her hand trembled and she turned to the tray and busied herself with the big silver teapot. "Let me do that for you." The voice, quick and deep, left her in no doubt as to who it was, nor did the long tanned fingers that took the teapot away from her. "There's no need," n eed," she said frigidly. "I can manage." "If there's no need, why try?" tr y?" A cup of tea was poured and handed to her. her . "Had a busy day?" he asked. "Yes." "I hope you'll give me the opportunity of seeing the clothes you have bought?" She gave him h im a cold stare. "I'll "I'll be wearing them around." arou nd." His lips li ps twitched. twitched. "You don't like me much, do you, Sara?" "I don't don't know you, Mr. Mr . Baxter."
"I'm "I'm willing willin g to remedy that. Let me take you out." This time her look of dislike was obvious. obvious. "I don't need an adult to take me for a walk!" "How about about dancing, then?" then ?" "I beg your pardon?" "Let me take you dancing," he repeated. r epeated. "A "A new discotheque has opened in Montmartre. How about our going there tonight?" "You shouldn't bother wasting your time with schoolgirls, Mr. Baxter." His smile was decidedly decidedly devilish. devili sh. "Don't "Don't you know kn ow that children are supposed supposed to keep grown-ups young?" Furiously she bit back the words that rushed to her lips, but he seemed unperturbed by her animosity and went on smiling at her, so that anyone watchin watching g them from a distance would have assumed assumed they were engaged in an enjoyable conversation. "If you don't want to go dancing," dancing," he said suavely, "how about the theatre? I know it isn't the pantomime pantomime season, but I'm sure sure I could find something to amuse you!" "What about a circus?" she said sweetly. "I would would enjoy throwing you to the lions!" Not a vestige of a smile crossed his face. "You'll "You'll have h ave In wait until un til Christm Chri stmas as for that. Now, having eliminated both dancing and the theatre, we're only left with music." music." "I'm "I'm tone deaf, Mr. Baxter, and an d anyway, I'm otherwise engag en gaged ed for tonight." ton ight." "If you aren't doing anything this evening, Gavin," Sir William called from across the hearth, "how about taking Sara out? Helen and I are dining at the Elysee." "I would be delighted to comply, comply, sir," sir ," Gavin said instantly, "but I was under the impression that your daughter was going out too." "You aren't, are you, dear?" Sir William asked her.
In the fact of such a direct question Sara could not lie, though the baleful look she shot into the blue eyes did, she hoped, warn Gavin Baxter that his evening with her was not going to be a pleasant one. "Eight o'clock," he murmured. "We can go out to dinner. din ner. I'm hoping that once you're well fed, you'll no longer bite!" Not trusting herself to speak, she nodded. Satisfied that he had had the last word, Gavin Baxter joined Helen on the settee and was still talking to her when Mike Evans came in. He looked pale and tired and gratefully accepted the cup of tea Sara poured for him. "I suppos suppose e you must be lonely lon ely with your wife away," she she said, making conversation. "I'm too busy to miss her." "How long have you been married?" "Ten years." He saw her surprise. sur prise. "I'm "I'm thirty-five," thir ty-five," he added, "four years older than Gavin." "You don't look any older," she commented. commented. "That comes comes from good clean living." li ving." He smiled, though it did not reach his h is eyes. "Is your wife the th e same age?" "A couple of years younger." "Then you were both very young when you married." "I didn't think so at the time." His tone implied that he had changed his mind now and, as if aware of it, he h e said quickly: "It's a good good thing to marry young. One has a better chance of forming the same likes and dislikes. Don't marry a man much older than yourself unless you're very certain of the way you feel." Without realising it Sara's eyes moved to Helen and she quickly brought them back to Mike's face, seeing from the look on it that he had noticed where her gaze had travelled. "I'm only generalising," he murmured. "There are exceptions to every rule."
She sought for a way of changing the conversation but could only think of an obvious one. "I'm surprised Mr. Baxter isn't married." "He's too keen on his career to tie himself down." "Wouldn't marriage help him?" "Only if it was to the right wife. And I can't see Gavin falling in love to order." It was difficult for her to imagine him falling in love at all and, as she dressed to go out with him later that evening, she tried to visualise the woman who might find his Achilles' heel. She would have to be strong-willed and quickwitted, as well as clever enough to get her own way without his being aware of it. The prospect of spending spending an evening eve ning in i n his hi s company company was dauntin daunting g and she toyed with the idea of leaving leavin g a messag message e to say she had a h headac eadache. he. She Sh e was still considering this and rather enjoying the idea of his anger if she did, when there was a knock at her door and her father came in. His black dinner jacket accentuated accentuated the grey at his hi s temples temples and he looked l ooked so handsome handsome and distinguished that Sara could understand why Helen had married him. "I thought you would woul d be dressed," dressed," he said. "After your shopping shopping spree you can't complain of having nothing to wear!" "I have too much choice," choi ce," she smiled. smiled. "Put on something gay - green, I think." She didn't have the heart to tell him she was contemplating remaining at home, and she took out one of her new dresses from the walk-in cupboard. It It was in variegated vari egated shades shades of green chiffon and an d she stepped stepped into it i t quickly and an d turned for her father to zip zi p it up. He did so and then watched with pleasure as she moved to the mirror to brush her hair. This part of her toilet never took long, for she had only to comb it smooth and let nature do the rest. It lay round her shoulders in a toffee-gold cloud, the ends curling under. Carefully, she darkened her eyelashes, applying more mascara than usual, then colouring her mouth a vivid pink. "I must remember to give you your mother's jewellery," her father said. "Everything she had was left to you." He hesitated. "I would like you to know
that my marriage to Helen will make no difference to the - er - financial arrangements arran gements I've I've made made for you. you . When I die - " "Please don't talk about it." She S he was embarrassed. embarrassed. "It isn't necessary." "Yes, it is. Your mother had a considerable fortune of her own and this was put into a trust for you. My own money will also come to you in due course - apart from the proper provision for Helen - though if I have any other children it would be divided equally between you." "I don't don't need any of it," she replied. r eplied. "You may not need it, Sara, but you're still my child." He went to the door and turned for a final look at her. "Enjoy yourself, my dear, and don't give Gavin too hard a time." He saw her eyes widen. "I noticed the sparks sparks between you," he h e teased. "Don't "Don't let them burst into flames." The door closed and Sara stared at it, more concerned with what he had said about his own future than hers. It was hard to think of him starting another family without feeling jealous, even though she knew that children was one way cementing this May/December marriage. She tried to visualise Helen as a mother and shook her head, then, annoyed by her critical objectivity, she picked up a chiffon cape and left her room. As she went down the stairs Gavin Baxter came out of her father's office and stood by by the bottom step step waiting for her. h er. He wore a fawn-coloured dinner jacket which emphasised his bronze skin and black hair. He could more easily have passed for a Spaniard than an Englishman, and she remarked on it as she came abreast of him. "I have a Cornish mother," he said, "and the Cornish have a polyglot ancestry. I number several well-known pirates pir ates among among my forebears." "You could pass pass for one yourself." "I feel a bit like one tonight." He opened the front door and guided her to his car. "Why?" she asked as she she slipp sli pped ed into the th e front seat. "Because I feel I'm taking you out against your will — abducting the beautiful damsel, so to say."
"I'm "I'm sure you're far too much of a gentleman gentl eman to ape your dear departed departed relatives." "Don't be be too sure of that," he said darkly, and an d took his place behind the wheel. He drove with speed and Sara was glad of her seat-belt, for the traffic was fierce and French in its temper. "Where are we going?" she asked. "To a little place in the suburbs. They have the best Italian food in Paris." "Italian food!" "Since Helen has acquired a marvellous French chef, I felt you might like a change from French cooking." "I would," she she said, and was surprised he had been perceptive enough en ough to recognise it. "Do you live with your brother-in-law?" she asked. "We share a large apartment on the Left Bank. Often we don't see each other except at the Embassy." "Do you only have one sister?" "Three," he replied. "But I'm the only son, so the effort of retrieving the family fortunes rests on me!" "You won't make a fortune in the Diplomatic Service," she remarked. His teeth flashed in a smile. smile. "I should have h ave gone into in to big business, business, shouldn't I?" "That was rather rude r ude of me, wasn't wasn't it?" she murmured. mur mured. "Yes, it was. was. But don't worr worry y about it. I forgive you." "I wasn't wasn't apologising, Mr. Baxter, Baxter , merely stating a fact." He chuckled. "You really are a naughty little girl!" Angrily she stared out of the side window, giving a nervous start as his fingers touched her bare arm. "Don't try to open the car door while we're moving at speed, speed, Miss Claremont, because you'll hurt yourself."
"I have no intention of jumping out. I've been obliged to go out with you and I intend to weather the evening as best I can." "Don't make make it stormy weather. I'm suscep susceptible tible to chills!" chill s!" She tossed her head and her hair swung back from her face to show the graceful stem of her neck. He made no more conversation and an d was silent as they drove through the dusk-filled streets. At last he stopped in a narrow cobbled cobbled road lined lin ed with old ol d houses and small shops. One of the shops had been been turned into a restaurant, its bow- fronted windows draped with red curtains. Inside it was unpretentious but clean, with some dozen tables covered with red cloths, straight-backed straight-backed wooden wooden chairs chair s with red r ed velvet squabs squabs and cheery lighting. A plump woman woman greeted them, her face breaking into a smile as she recognised the man. This was followed by by a spate of Italian too fast for Sara to follow, though she was able able to guess from it that th at this was the patrona and an d that her husband - who was the cook - was at this very ver y moment preparing the meal which the signore had rung up in the morning and ordered for tonight. "This morning you didn't know I would be coming out with you tonight," Sara commented as they took their places at a table in the corner. "I'm a great gambler!" "I wouldn't have come with you if it hadn't been for my father. Then what would you have done?" "There are lots of fish in the sea," he said laconically. "You're very rude, Mr. Baxter." "I thought you liked it, Miss Claremont." "You know I don't." "Then why not be friends?" "I wasn't wasn't the first fi rst one to be rude," she reminded remin ded him. "You "You talked down to me the first time we met." "Due to shock," he said, and leaned back in the chair to survey her. "Your father led me to believe his little girl was coming home from school and in I walked to find fin d a soignee and sophisticated beauty. I'm I'm afraid my reaction r eaction was
a defensive one." She was surprised. "Why defensive?" "In case you got under my guard," he said softly. "I can't can't imagine you letting lettin g any woman do that." " I haven't done until now." He did not elaborate and she pretendcd to look around her, glad when the patrona came over to them with a bread basket. She informed them that the first course would be ready in a few moments and offered them an aperitif on the house. Sara felt Gavin Baxter's eyes on her and shook her head. "Just wine for me, please." please." He nodded but accepted accepted a whisky for himself and sipped it slowly, his hi s long hand cradling the glass. Sara tried to think of those hands on the control stick of an aircraft and would have liked to talk about that part of his life. But she was not sure if it would bring back unhappy memories lor him. There was nothing else she could think of saying and she remained silent, tongue-tied and embarrassed because she was. It was not like her to be lost for words, for all her life she had been surrounded by people who had made her feel welcome. But with this tall, debonair man she could think of nothing to say that would amuse him. "You look very beautiful tonight, Miss Claremont." "Do stop calli calling ng me that!" "But you are beautiful." beautiful." "I mean 'Miss Claremont'." "You didn't like it when I called you Sara," he pointed out. "Because I hadn't asked you to. But now I am." "Thank you, Sara, and I hope you will call me Gavin." "I've never known anyone of that name." "It's the only unique thing about me!"
She was sure this was not true, but did not say so, for he was sufficiently conceited. "Where were you before you came to Paris?" she asked. "In London and then Helsinki." "You've had a meteoric rise. Most people don't make make First Fi rst Secretary so quickly." "Put it down down to my great influ i nfluence," ence," he said, straight- faced. She was not sure if he was teasing but would not give him the satisfaction of seeing her doubt. "What future ambitions do you have?" she enquired. "For you to smile at me as if you mean it!" The answer was unexpected unex pected and and it was all she could coul d do not to comply immediately immediately with his hi s request. He really real ly was a disconcertin disconcerting g man. "I do do wish you would be serious." seriou s." "I am seriou serious. s. I want want to be friends fr iends with you, and that means I must make make you forget how inauspiciously we began. Look on tonight as our first meeting." He held out his hand. "Good evening, Sara Claremont. I'm Gavin Baxter. How do you do." She smiled and quickly touched her hand to his. "You look even more beautiful when you're relaxed," he said. "I must see what I can do to make you relax with me all the time." Embarrassed, Embarrassed, she looked away from his intense in tense blue gaze, glad to see steaming steaming plates of cannelloni cannell oni set before them. t hem. It was the most delicious she had tasted: the pasta pasta home-made home-made and filled fil led with a delicate farce of ham and veal, topped by by a creamy sauce. This was followed followed by thin slices of liver fried in butter and served with a tangy green salad and the meal concluded with luscious flaky pastry filled fil led with whipped whi pped cream and raspberr raspberries. ies. By the th e time coffee came, Sara's antagonism towards towards her escort escort was beginnin beginning g to dissolve, due as much much to the th e excellent excellen t meal as to Gavin's Gavi n's charm, from which she deliberately tried to hold herself aloof. It was ten o'clock o'clock before they drove towards Montmartre. Here the streets were noisy, noi sy, music music blared and people jostled one another on the sidewalk, sidewalk, but the discotheque they finally entered was unexpectedly quiet, the music soft and languorous, the couples young and all appearing to be in love, if the way
they clasped each each other as they danced was anything anythi ng to go by. If Gavin noticed her staring he made made no comment, and as soon soon as they had h ad left their things at the table table he led her on to the floor. For a brief instant he stood next to her without touching her. There was so much intimacy in his glance that she trembled, then his arms drew her close and her trembling ceased ceased as she fitted her h er steps to his. He was an easy and effortless effort less dancer, moving with none of the tenseness she had anticipated. Normally Sara found her dancing partners uninspiring, not allowing her to offer any of the intricate steps she had learned lear ned at the dancing c lasses lasses she had attended. But Gavin Gavi n was different; he danced as if he thoroughly enjoyed it, using his body as a violinist used the bow of his violin. Sara gave herself up to the pleasure of movement; her skirt floated around her and her hair splayed out across the top of his jacket as her cheek rested on his. h is. Because she was so so close she could not see his expression, but she felt the smoothness of his skin and the hard bone of his h is cheek. She moved her head slowly and saw his crisp black hair skimming the collar of his white shirt. He wore his sideburns unusually long and she was surprised her father allowed it. But then one would not lightly give orders to a man like Gavin. For nearly half an hour they danced, then Gavin led her back to the table. "Coffee, Sara, or something long l ong and cool?" "Both," she said, and he smiled and gave the order. Almost A lmost at once tall glasses of fresh fruit juice were set before them and she sipped hers and wrinkled her nose with pleasure, for it was a delicious concoction concoction of peach peach and grape. "You're an excellent dancer, Sara. Most English girls aren't." "Nor are most Englishmen!" "I think they consider it indecent! You can put the blame for my prowess on to my Cornish Corni sh ancestors." "Cornwall is part of England," she protested. "Or do they want Home Rule too?" He grinned and, standing up, pulled her back on to the dance floor, moving his hands slowly down her back back to clasp her waist. "In that dress you look as if you should be dancing in Giselle," he murmured.
"One of the Wilis?" she questioned. "Or Giselle herself?" "I see you know your ballet." "All part of a finishing school education!" "What else did they teach you there?" "How to be a lady," she said demurely. "I'm "I'm sure they wouldn't have to teach you how to be a woman," he said huskily. "You do that automatically." Nervously she stiffened and he gave her h er a gentle shake. "Don't be scared scared of me, Sara, I'm only flirting with you." "I'm not scared," she said, but knew that she was, for he was clever and experienced experien ced and she she was young and foolish; how h ow foolish she was only beginning to recognise. She must take a hold of herself; she mustn't allow the insidious beat of the music to infiltrate her emotions. She was simply spending an evening with her father's First Secretary who was only taking her out because because it was the diplomatic thing to do. "I'm "I'm glad your father made made you come with me tonight." toni ght." His words gave gave the lie l ie to her thoughts. "It means I'm the first man to take you out since you've left school." She pulled pul led slowly back to look up at him. hi m. "Does "Does that make you something special?" "I hope so. They say a girl never forgets her first man." Her face flamed with colour and she quickly lowered her head. "That remark doesn't doesn't usually usuall y apply to a date!" "Hut I meant it to," he said quickly. "I didn't intend it as… Heck, Heck, I'm getting into deep water!" His discomfitur discomfiture e eased her own and she giggled. "You'd better better be careful what you say to me in future." "I enjoy being honest with you, Sara. But if you find it embarrassing, I'll try not to be!"
"I like honesty," h onesty," she said. "I hate people who pretend." She gave him h im a provocative look. "I suppose that's what you mostly do?" "Of course. I'm a diplomat, remember?" She laughed. "My father is always honest. I can't imagine him being evasive or lying." "He's neither. neither . That's why he's so successful. successful. When he says something, people people know they can believe it. He's wasted in Paris. The French adore a bit of intrigue and your father isn't cut out for it." "But Helen loves it here." Sara was sorry immediately she had spoken, she was afraid the words gave her away. "Helen would love anywhere where she can be the queen bee," he replied. "She adores dressing up and an d showing off." "What's wrong with that?" Sara Sar a asked defensively. defensively. "Nothing, and I'm not criticising your beautiful step- mama." He whirled her round roun d before he spoke again. "I'm "I'm glad you're good frie friends. nds. I think your father was worri worried ed in case you wouldn't be." "Even if i f I hadn't liked her h er I would have done my best best to bide it," she said. "My father deserves to be happy. My mother was ill for several years before she died and he didn't have an easy life." Gavin made made no comment and, glancing up at him, Sara saw a brooding brooding look on his face. It vanished the instant he felt her eyes on him and his lips moved in a smile, his teeth white in the darkness of his face. "Why are we wasting time talking about other people when we should be talking talkin g about ourselves? There's so much I don't don't know about you, Sara. Sar a. What have you been doing with yourself for the last eighteen years?" "Growing up," she said so promptly that he laughed aloud and twirled her wildly around the floor. It was two two o'clock o'clock when they t hey drove home h ome through the th e quiet streets, str eets, empty empty save for a few dustcarts dustcarts and a strolling strollin g gendarme or two. At the Emb E mbass assy y door Gavin lightly touched his lips to her wide brow. "I'm "I'm glad you didn't wait wait for the summer term before leaving l eaving Mademoiselle
Rose's," he said softly. "Otherwise you wouldn't be here for the month of June." "What's special special about June?" Jun e?" "The fact that it's June in Paris and you'll be here to share it with me." "That sounds like a song lyric," lyr ic," she smiled. smiled. "You make me feel lyrical." He caught her hand and raised it to his lips. She felt the warmth of his mouth on her knuckles and knew a strong urge to turn her hand and place her palm against it. Quickly she snatched her hand away, and saw saw he misinterpreted misinter preted the gesture as one of fear. "Goodnight, Gavin, and thank you for a lovely evening." "The first fir st of many, I hope." hope." As the guard guar d opened the door he stepped into the hall with her. "Will I have to employ your father's help the next time I ask you out?" "Try it and see." "Very well. There's no time like the present." His fingers were cool on her arm. "Will you have dinner with me tomorrow night, and the night after that too, if we aren't tied up officially?" "I'd like to have dinner with you tomorrow," she said carefully. "But you won't commit yourself further?" "A lady never commits herself!" His laugh echoed after her as she sped up the stairs, and it remained in her ears as she undressed and climbed Into bed. Paris in June. Paris in June with Gavin Baxter. It could well be a month she would remember all her life.
CHAPTER THREE Though Sara warned herself to be wary of Gavin's considerable charm, the more she held herself aloof from it the more aware she was of it. She had to concede that he was not deliberately setting out to captivate her, for he was equally charming to the other women at the Embassy: the bevy of efficient and for the most part extremely attractive girls who worked as secretaries and clerical staff. Being charming came as naturally to Gavin as breathing. He was also unaware of his h is devastating good good looks, for she never saw him glance at himself in a mirror as he passed one or make any gesture to show he was conscious conscious of his hi s appearance. appearance. He was, she she concluded, a man of natural natur al talent talen t and personality, smiled upon by the gods gods and given a handful h andful of gifts where one alone would have been sufficient to set him on the road to success. "He'll go far," her father echoed one evening, a few days after Gavin had gone to Copenhagen to attend a conference. confer ence. "I'm "I'm glad you like him, Sara. I wasn't sure he would let you." "Let me?" "Well, he's used to your fair sex making a play for him and when he wants, he can be prickly and standoffish." "Why should he be prickly with me?" she asked. "Because you're an extremely pretty female and an extremely rich one." "But — " "And because Gavin has no money other than his salary." She thought of the beautiful flat he shared with his brother-jn-law, to which he had taken her last week. "Maybe not rich in our terms," she murmured, "but he has a lovely home." "Mike and his wife live there and it's Mike who has the money. A great deal, actually." Sara thought of the expensive restaurants to which Gavin had taken her and was filled with remorse r emorse as she she remem r emembered bered the way she had ordered or dered without a glance at the cost. cost. "Gavin isn't a pauper," her father went on, "but he's determined not to be
thought of as a fortune-hunter." "It never entered my head that he was." "Nor mine. If he'd been so inclined he could have been married several times over." It was hard to conceive that no one on e had yet succeeded in capturing him. hi m. He was a man man any woman woman would have been proud to have as a husband. Even thinking of this set Sara's pulses racing, and she was aware of her body in a way She had never been aware of before. "Is Gavin coming back tonight?" Helen broke into her thoughts. Sara shook her h er head. h ead. "He's "He's coming coming back in the th e morning." mornin g." "So that's why we have the pleasure of your company. I've seen so little of you lately that I was going to write you a letter!" "I haven't been as elusive as all that," th at," Sara protested, and glanced at her father, who was openly smiling. smilin g. Helen noticed it too and an d gave an exclamation of annoyance. annoyan ce. "I don't don't know why you should consider my remark amusing, William, or don't you mind Sara spending all her time with one man?" "Not when it's Gavin," he replied. "At least I know Sara is safe with him." "No woman is safe with any man. They're all out for what they can get." "If you talk like that, Helen," Sara protested, "you're guaranteed to make Daddy Daddy defend Gavin. You know kn ow how men stick together." "I certainly do!" Helen rasped. "That's about the only thing one can guarantee in this world." "I must must see what I can do to soften your mood." mood." Sir William Will iam bent forward to pat his wife on the cheek, but she drew back back sharply. "William, "Will iam, don't! I can't can't bear being touched the whole time." "I'm sorry," he murmured, and quietly left the room. Sara's first impulse was to run after him, but resolutely she told herself that
she must not make the quarrel her concern. However, she could not hide her expression, and Helen noticed it and gave an angry snort. "You're angry with me, aren't you?" "Not at all." "Your father is." "You are rather hard on him," Sara said quietly. "Sometimes he gets on my nerves. ner ves. I don't expect expect you to understand." un derstand." "I don't don't want to try," tr y," Sara said honestly. "When "Wh en my father married you I made made up my mind not to get involved." "That's a very laudable position," Helen sneered, "but you can't stand on the sidelines all the time. One day you have to come down on one side or the other." "Not where your marriage is concerned. That's strictly between you and my father." Helen reached for a cigarette. She did not smoke often, saying she found it unfeminine, unfemini ne, but she smoked smoked now, quick angry puffs. "I suppose suppose you've often wondered why I married him," hi m," she she said abruptly. "Don't bother denying denyin g it; you'd be a fool if you hadn't." Sara hesitated and then spoke. spoke. "I assumed assumed you loved him." h im." "I did - I do." The cigarette was stubbed out. "He's an easy man to love: kind, considerate, gentle. Too gentle really. It would be better if he answered me back or shouted at me sometimes." "I don't think my father has ever shouted at a woman in his life," Sara smiled. "Then he's an angel an gel - and angels can be boring!" Unwilling to hear any more, Sara stood up. "I don't want to listen to you saying things you'll regret when your temper has died down." "What makes you think I will regret it?" Without replying Sara walked out, and did not return to the salon until the
gong rang to announce dinner. Helen appeared to have forgotten her earlier bad temper, but Sara found herself watching her with eyes that were unusually keen. Her stepmother was drinking too much and was perceptibly thinner. Her father was not unaware of it cither, for she saw him glance covertly at his wife from time to time. Was he having any regrets about the marriage or did he think thi nk Helen Hel en was merely in i n a bad mood that would pass? pass? It was impossible for her to ask him and she knew that the kindest thing she could do was pretend she did not notice n otice the tension ten sion between them. It was tension that only lifted when Mike dropped in for coffee. As always he greeted Sara affectionately and Helen with careful consideration. He still called her Lady Claremont, which was surprising, particularly as he was several years her senior, and Sara wondered why Helen had not asked him to call her by her first name. Because these thoughts were in her mind it was uncanny that her father chose that moment moment to voice voi ce them. "You know, Mike," he said mildly, "considering you and Helen are the same generation, don't you think you could drop the formality? I'm sure Helen would be delighted." Mike's glance slid swiftly swiftly across to the woman on his h is right, who nodd n odded ed carelessly. "William is right; I've been meaning to tell you for ages. I'll have to tell Gavin too." "Helen it shall be," Mike said easily. "At prep school I played Helena in A Midsummer Night's Dream." "That one was a fool," Helen Hel en said crisply. "If I remember my Shakespeare, she was one of his mixed-up lovers." "Not really," Sara protested. "Everything came out all right in the end." "Only because it was a play. In real life she would have been left high and dry. She was such a fool." “I can't say that play is one of my favourites," Sir William said. "I prefer the histories." "You would," Helen said good-humouredly. "I bet your favourite is Henry V." "It's "It's mine, too," Mike said and, to prove it, began to recite. r ecite.
Quietly Sara wandered on to the terrace. It was nine- thirty and the evening stretched ahead of her. Was Gavin dining at the Embassy in Copenhagen or was he out with friends? He might even be with a girl. Jealousy washed over her and she gripped the top of the balustrade. It was foolish to feel like this about a man she had only known for a month and one who was also thirteen years her senior. Yet what did time or age matter when there was an undefinable magic ingredient between two people people that th at drew them towards each other? "Gavin." She whispered the name softly, afraid lest anyone should hear. How did he feel about her? Was she someone special or did he see her merely as an excellent way of installing himself in the good books of the man for whom he worked? The thought filled her with despair, I or it made all of Gavin's remarks and kindnesses seem like expedience. Pushing away such painful beliefs, beli efs, she returned to the salon where Mike and Helen were deep in conversation. He looked pink and embarrassed and there was a glint in i n Helen's Hel en's eye that made Sara hope her stepmother was not venting her temper upon him. She glanced at her father, immersed in his Times, and wondered if he was aware of his wife's boredom. Surely he realised that the difference in age alone could make Helen dissatisfied with a life which he considered complete, or did he believe that love could bridge everything, including the generation gap? Tenderness made her move to his side and rest her face against his hair. "My dear," he was surpri surprised sed and moved. moved. "Is anything wrong?" wron g?" "No; should there be?" "You've been somewhat restless all evening. Missing Gavin?" She wondered if her feelings for Gavin were obvious or whether her father still saw him as a companion. "I'm used to being with all my friends," she said. "It takes time to get used to one's own company." "I've been meaning to talk to you about the future." Sir William put down his newspaper. "You're quite free to do anything you like - nothing at all if you prefer - but if you have any particular ambition…" "Languages, "Languages, I think," thi nk," she murmured. murmur ed. "You also paint well, and your music reports were excellent." "All the attributes of a dedicated Victorian miss," she said brightly, "but hardly
the burning talent of a dedicated artist or musician." "You don't need to earn a living at it, my dear." "That's beside beside the point. I should at least l east earn my pin money and not have h ave to spend yours." "You don't need to spend mine," he twinkled. "You're an heiress in your own right." "Don't remind me. I want want to forget for get it." "You can't forget your heritage." "I don't need to wave it in front of me like a banner!" "No one could accuse you of doing that. You're the least pretentious young woman I know." "And you know lots of young you ng women, don't you?" she teased. "Enough to know your assets. Though maybe it's your Aunt Grace whom I should thank for those. She had far more to do with your upbringing than I did." For an instant there was a cloud behind the grey eyes that were so like his daughter's. "Would you like to spend a few weeks with her in London?" "I probably will, in the autumn. When you got married she wrote and said I could stay with her any time ti me I - " Sara stopped, stopped, hoping she had not said too much, but her father was not a diplomat for nothing and knew instantly what she had left unsaid. "How typical of Grace to offer you a home in case you weren't happy here. She was always devoted to you." Sara nearly said "and to you too", but deemed it wiser to be silent, though she would have given a great deal to know if her father was aware that Grace loved him. "Maybe Aunt Grace will get married now she's living on her own," she said carefully. "Keeping house for you didn't give her much opportunity for romance." "Nonsense," her father interrupted. "I never stood in her way; she was free to come and go as she pleased."
"I rather think her name was linked with yours," Sara said daringly and, glancing at her father beneath the tangle of her eyelashes, saw him look distinctly uncomfortable. "I must say I never realised it at the time," he murmured. "It wasn't until I became became engaged to Helen that I realised r ealised friends frien ds had coupled coupled my name with Grace. It was shortsighted of me me hot to have foreseen fore seen this, but she was always so circumspect and detached that I never thought of her as anything other than your mother's cousin." "She's a lovely, charming woman," Sara said bluntly, then picked up the newspaper newspaper and pretended preten ded to scan scan the th e crossword crossword puzzle. puzz le. "What are our plans for the summer, William?" Helen had left Mike and drifted towards her husband h usband and stepdaughter. stepdaughter. "I thought we would spend six weeks at Rokebury." Rokebur y." "I don't fancy sticking myself in the country for six whole weeks." Helen's eyes slid to Sara and then back to her husband. "Anyway, it isn't good for Sara. She should be in London with people of her own age." "I have masses of friends at Rokebury," Sara said. "I always spend the summer there." As she spoke she knew that this summer she would rather be with Gavin - whether it be in London, the country or Timbuktu. Once again the knowledge of how much he had come to mean to her made her realise her own vulnerability and, afraid of giving herself away, she announced that she was going to bed. She was halfway across the hall when the telephone rang. It was their private line and she heard Helen's voice answer it and then her own name being called. "It's "It's for you, Sara. Sar a. It's Gavin." Gavin ." "I'll take it in the hall." Sara knew her voice was breathless, but she could not prevent it, and she sped across the marble floor to the gilt console table and picked up the receiver. Disembod Disembodied, ied, Gavin's Gavin 's voice was deeper deeper than th an she had remembered, but it brought a vivid picture of him to mind, of his beautifully shaped mouth close to the telephone and his brilliant blue eyes that gave the impression of seeing so much.
"I'm glad I found you in," he said. "We're all here - Mike too." "Mike?" Gavin queried. "Is he with you now?" "I left him hi m in the th e salon. I was going going to bed when your call came." "It's "It's early for you to go to bed, isn't it?" His voice grew lower. "I wish I were there with you, Sara." She went pink, not sure what he meant, and he seemed to understand her silence, for his laugh echoed softly down the line. "You look such an emancipated young woman yet you're so intrinsically shy." "Only with you," she said, finding her tongue. "Why just with me?" "Because of the way you tease me and because - " her eyes sparkled sparkled mischievou mischievously sly though she kept her voice expressionless, "and because because you belong to an older generation." He gave a sharp exclamation. "It's a good thing you aren't ar en't within speaking speaking distance, or you'd feel the weight of my hand!" "I'd rather like that." She heard his breath catch. "How flirtatious you are, Sara, when you're a safe distance from me. It will be interesting to see if you're the same when I'm with you." "When are you coming coming back?" she asked. "Tomorrow "Tomorrow afternoon. aftern oon. If you don't hear from me before, I'll I'll pick you up at eight." Because she was intent on hiding her feelings for Gavin, Sara was unusually distant towards him when they met the th e following foll owing night. He was a few moments moments late, due to being bein g kept by her father, fath er, and she gulped gul ped down down an unacc un accustomed ustomed vodka and tonic, not because she wanted anything to drink dri nk but because she needed Dutch courage. She was wearing an unusually un usually sophisticated sophisticated dress, one one she had bought more to please Helen than because she had liked it herself, though she had admitted - when she had put it on tonight - that it made her look aloofly beautiful, which was exactly the image she wished to present. Of
Mack chiffon, it made her look taller and even more slender than she was, and emphasised the gold in her toffee-coloured hair. Excitement lent colour to her high cheekbones and sparkle to eyes ey es which, tonight, were smoky grey, with the pupils large and dark, though she was careful to keep them veiled by her lashes as Gavin strode into the small sitting room in search of her. In a black dinner jacket he was exactly as she always thought of him: his tanned face slightly sardonic, his hair dark as night and his teeth flashing white in a smile as he came over and caught her hand. "Lovely Sara." His deep blue eyes were appraising as they travelled her slender length, pausing on the soft curves of her young breasts and the incredibly tiny waist. His fingers tightened, and then quickly released hers. "In all the time I've taken you out, you've never kept me waiting. You must have set up some sort of record." "Diplomats' "Diplomats' famili families es are taught t aught to be punctual," pun ctual," she smiled. "Have you never deliberately wanted to be late just because you were taught not to be?" he quizzed. "Not really. I'm a very docile girl." "So you are. That's another surprising thing about you. One would expect someone as lovely as you to be difficult and spoilt. Yet you're exactly the opposite - almost too easy-going." "You didn't think so the first fir st time we met," she she reminded r eminded him, and saw his smile widen. "That shows how wrong wrong first fir st impressions impressions can be!" He caught hold of her h er hand h and again and lightly l ightly swung swung it i t backwards backwards and forwards. "I haven't made made any plans for tonight. I thought we would take the car and drive out of Paris." He eyed the fragile chiffon. "Though perhaps we'd better dine in town after all." "I would much rather we went into the country. I can always put on something more serviceable." "No. You look beautiful the way you are. Beautiful," he repeated, and moved a step nearer, stopping as Helen came into the th e room. She was resplendent in one of her usual vividly-coloured dinner dresses, and Gavin dropped Sara's hand and went over to greet her.
"I'm "I'm so glad glad I caught you both before you left," Helen smiled. smiled. "If you haven't haven 't booked anywhere special, why not join William and myself at Valentino's?" "We're going to have dinner in the country," Sara replied. Helen's dark eyes moved to Gavin. "Mike and Jane are ar e joining join ing us. I suppose suppose you know she returned from Yorkshire today?" "Yes." "Yes." Gavin's Gavin 's voice was unexpectedly unexpectedly husky. h usky. "But I didn't have much chance of saying anything beyond a quick hello. I only got back to the flat with enough time to change and get here." He gave Sara a quick glance and then said to Helen: "Actually I'd be delighted to accept your invitation. Sara and I can go to the country another evening." "How lovely," Helen smiled. "I'll tell Williams secretary to get us a larger table." Sara watched her go and determinedly refused to look at Gavin. She had looked forward to spending the evening alone with him and was incredibly hurt that he had succumbed to Helen's invitation. But pride refused to let her show it. If Gavin didn't want to be alone with her, then so be it. "I'm "I'm sorry about that, Sara." Sar a." He stood directly directly behind her. her . "There was no way I could refuse Helen without annoying her." Sara shrugged. "It doesn't matter." "Anyway, you've never met my sister Jane," he went on. "I'm sure you'll like her." "I'm sure I shall," Sara said lightly, "but I'll have plenty of other opportunities to meet her. Mike dines here at least twice a week." She heard Gavin's quick intake of breath and knew her remark had been correctly interpreted. "I couldn't couldn't refuse," r efuse," he repeated. "I've "I've got my - there ther e are reasons why." "What reasons re asons?" ?" "None you need n eed worry your pretty head about." He sidestepped sidestepped and came came to stand in front of her. "Don't be angry, Sara. We'll go out alone tomorrow night." "I'm "I'm not free tomorrow night."
"Oh?" It was a query, though he did not elaborate and, satisfied that she had his full attention, she said: "I'm "I'm going out with a friend." fr iend." "Male or female?" "Male," she lied. "You aren't the only man I know in Paris, Gavin. I have lived here before." "I realise that." th at." He was stiff stiff and polite, and an d as she stared into his hi s blue eyes, which were suddenly glacial, the pleasure with which she had looked forward to this evening began to ebb. If only Helen had not come in when she had! More important, if only Gavin had been strong-minded enough to turn down the invitation. A sudden thought struck her and she was annoyed for not having considered it before; had she done so she would not have lost her temper with him. "You don't need to be frightened of Helen. My father wouldn't have been offended if you'd refused her invitation." "I realise that." "Then why - " "I've "I've told you why I accepted accepted it," he said incisively. "I have nothing nothi ng more to add." "Well then," she said brightly, and blinked her eyes to hold back the sting of tears, "that ends that conversation, conver sation, doesn't doesn't it?" He looked as if he wanted to say more, but Sir William chose that moment to come in and jovially asked Gavin to pour him a whisky. Sara sat down, avoiding the settee in case Gavin came to sit next to her. Hardly had she done so when Helen returned, followed by Mike and a plump woman woman whom Sara instantly i nstantly recog r ecognised nised as Gavin's sister, for she had the same blue eyes and black hair. She was plainly dressed and wore little make-up, but she had a gamine quality which Sara liked, despite being annoyed at having to meet her tonight. "So you're Sara?" Jane perched herself on a chair nearby. "Gavin has told me
a lot about you." "How could he? You've only onl y just got back." "We've kept in touch." She glanced at her brother, who was deep in conversation with Sir William. "I was staying with my parents, and it's a ritual for him to ring them every Sunday morning. He has done it ever since he left home." "How unusual!" Sara could not hide her surprise. "Not when you know what a close-knit family we are. My mother has a bad heart," Jane added, added, "and it's made made us all extremely extr emely protective towards her especially Gavin, who's her favourite." "Don't you mind?" asked Sara. "Good heavens, no! Anyway, it's natural. He's the only boy among three sisters!" "No wonder he's h e's spoilt." spoilt." Jane raised her eyebrows. "I don't think Gavin's spoilt. You're not serious, are you?" Sara shrugged and sipped her drink. Gavin was right about her liking his sister. She did, as it happened, for there was a warmth about the girl that reminded her of her friend Ann. Suddenly she remembered the letter she had received from her that morning. In it she had said her older brother Charles was staying staying at the th e Plaza Plaz a for a few days and she hoped Sara would have a chance to call him. "I'll do more than that," Sara decided devilishly and, murmuring an apology to Jane, left the room. In the library, she put in a call to Charles, praying he had not yet gone out for the evening. Luckily he hadn't, and was delighted to hear from her. "Ann won't forgive me if I go back home without telling her I've seen you," he said after they had chatted a few moments. moments. "I know it's short notice, but I wonder if you would be free to have a drink with me?" "Not tonight," she said, "but I am free for dinner dinn er tomorrow." tomorr ow."
His hesitation was perceptible perceptible and mischievously she rememb r emembered ered that the last l ast time they had met she had been a gauche and plump sixteen. "That would suit me fine," he replied. "Then call for me at the Emb E mbass assy y at eight," she said, and hoped Gavin would be around when he did. Sara returned to the drawing-room with a sense of achievement which helped her to get through the best part of the evening. She was cool towards Gavin and resolutely refused to meet his eyes. When forced to do so, she kept her own deliberately blank, and after several vain attempts to get mentally close to her, Gavin too became aloof. Remembering how eagerly she had looked forward to going out with him tonight Sara was hard put not to burst into tears. This might have been the reaction of a normal eighteen-year-old girl frustrated in love, but was not how the sophisticated daughter of Sir William Claremont would behave. Helen seemed to be enjoying herself more than anyone else. With Gavin and Mike as escorts of her own age, she was in her element, and Sir William was content to let her dance with both of them in turn, while he stayed at the table chatting to Jane, who could not dance because of a strained strain ed calf muscle. "That comes comes from riding ridin g too much," her husba hu sband nd said unsympathetically unsympathetically after she had refused to take the floor with him. "Jane is mad about horses," he confided to the table. "Sometimes I think she prefers prefer s them to people." "I rather endorse my sister's view," Gavin interposed. "One can pretty well assess assess what what a horse h orse is going to do if one on e looks at its breeding breedin g and training, traini ng, but people are always unknown unkn own factors." factors." "Surely that makes for interest?" Helen queried. "And trouble too." "Let's not hear any talk of trouble," Sir William said urbanely. "We're here to enjoy ourselves." Helen flashed him a brilliant smile, though when she stood up it had been to dance with Gavin, who had stepped in front of Mike. "My turn, I believe," he said suavely, and moved her on to the floor before she could reply.
With a slightly discomfited grin Mike turned to Sara. "Will you take pity on me, since my wife can't?" "Sure," Sara grinned back and, as his arms came round her, she tried not to think that they might have been Gavin's. "I like Jane," she said as they moved out of earshot of the table. "Everyone likes Jane." "Where did you meet?" "It's so long ago I can hardly remember. Gavin was my fag at Eton. I must have been sixteen when I met Jane, but I didn't start taking her out till I was much older." "Why not?" "Because she was a baby." He swung Sara round the floor in several intricate steps and grinned at her, highly delighted with himself. "A much younger eighteen than 'you are. She was a real country girl when I first dated her." His glance slid past past Sara Sar a to the table. "She hasn't changed much since then either." "I think it's rather nice to retain one's youthful illusions." "Nice or naive?" Mike asked with such unexpected harshness that Sara did not know how to reply; a fact which made her realise that she too was naive. The tempo of the music changed and as Mike slowed his hi s step to match match the th e rhythm, rh ythm, they found themselves abreast of Helen and Gavin. "How fortuitous," the older girl drawled, touching Mike on the elbow. "I'm sure Gavin and Sara would love to dance together." Mike quickly swung Helen away, leaving Gavin and Sara next to each other. Ignoring her uplifted hand, he put both of his around her waist and pulled her none too gently against him until their bodies were touching. With sinuous grace he moved in time to the music. Sara tried to hold herself aloof, but with his body touching hers her s it was impossible. impossible. All she could feel was the hardness h ardness of his chest against her soft breasts and the steel-like pressure of his thigh. "Relax," he murmured into her ear. "You know the old saying, if you can't fight, give in and enjoy it!" "The way I heard it, it was if you can't fight, pretend to give in."
His grip tightened tighten ed and she was hard put not to wince. win ce. "Don't "Don't make me angry with you," he grated. "Why should you be angry with me?" "A good question. I'll answer it if you'll tell me why you're angry with me." "You know." "Because I accepted accepted your stepmother's invitation? invitati on? I told you I had my reasons." "So you had h ad reasons," she she retorted. r etorted. "But next n ext time don't ask me to go with you as well." "What about your date tomorrow?" His remark took her by surprise. "With Charles?" His grip was now almost almost bone-shattering. bone-shatterin g. "So that's his name. I would would like li ke to remind you that you'd made arrangements to come come out with me before we quarrelled." Sara lowered her eyes to hide the smile in them. Poor Gavin I He didn't realise how clearly his jealousy was showing. She longed to tell him she had made her arrangements with Charles only when she had been provoked into anger, but deliberately held herself in check. "I didn't didn't think thi nk you wanted to see me every night," ni ght," she whispered sweetly. sweetly. "Some things thin gs don't don't need to be put into in to words." words." "Girls like things to be put into words." "What about actions?" He spoke against against her ear. "Leave with me now, n ow, Sara. I'll think of an excuse." In triumph tri umph she could afford to be perverse and she shook her h er head. h ead. "I don't don't want to leave l eave now. I'm enjoying myself." "A moment ago you said you weren't." "I've changed my mind. Don't you know that's a woman's prerogative?" "You're a spoilt child, not a woman!" woman!"
Provocatively she tilted her head at him. "Do you always hold children so close?" With a muffled imprecation he held her away from him and she gazed into his face with deliberate innocence. A pulse beat erratically in the side of his temple and his eyes were narrowed in controlled fury. Contented in the knowledge that she had finally roused him to anger, jealousy and desire, she demurely suggested they return to their table. "I've "I've had enough, Gavin," G avin," she said sweetly. "So have I," he replied without expression. "More than enough."
CHAPTER FOUR Sara would have given a great deal to call off her dinner with Charles, but conscience conscience refused r efused to let her. h er. And An d it was this same conscience conscience which made her take extra pains with her appearance. She forced herself to remember she was going out with Charles to make Gavin jealous, and the fact that he already was must not stop her from continuing with her plans. Indeed, it should give a fillip to the action. To her delight her father was giving a small cocktail party at the Embassy, with both Gavin and Mike in attendance, and she decided to take Charles along for a quick drink - just to make sure Gavin saw them - before they went out. The look on Charles's face when he saw her clearly showed what a pleasurable shock he had received, and she was sorely tempted to tease him about it until u ntil she remembered that she was suppos supposed ed to be a femme fatale and an d not his h is kid sister's best best friend. fr iend. Charles Charl es too had changed. Though Though not n ot as good-looking good-looking as Gavin, Gavi n, he was a presentable young man. Tall, well- built and honest-looking, he had a polish that came from a good education, and charmed her father and stepmother stepmother when she took him in to say a quick hello. It was not until they were on their way out that she found Gavin in front of them. "Leaving so soon, Sara? At least stay and give your guest another drink." "Charles and I would rather be on our own." Sara linked her arm through his and was glad when he covered her hand with his own, a gesture which Gavin saw, saw, as could be witnessed witnessed by the steel-like steel-li ke flash in i n his hi s eyes. "Are you staying in Paris long?" Gavin asked Charles. "Only a couple of days." Charles looked l ooked at Sara. "But "Bu t I'm hoping to come back back again in a couple of weeks." "I might be in London by then," Sara said artlessly. "Then you'll save me a trip," Charles responded with gallantry, and rightly read the pressure of Sara's hand to mean that she wanted to leave. She knew Gavin watched them until they had disappeared, knew too that he would spend a miserable evening thinking of her. This gave zest to her own evening evenin g and she was in unusually unu sually good spiri spirits ts as she she dined din ed and danced with
Charles, who was soon enchanted by this slender fey creature with her toffeegold hair and lambent grey eyes. It was after after one on e o'clock when when he left l eft her at the Emb E mbass assy, y, where she managed to avoid his seeking mouth so that his kiss landed on her brow. "If you do come come to London before I get back here," he said hoarsely, "will you y ou promise to let me know?" "Yes," "Yes," she lied lie d and, adroitl adroitly y sidestepping sidestepping him, slipped into the hall. hall . "Goodnight, Charles," Charl es," she she called through th rough the th e closed door, door, and tiptoed across the hall. As she did so she saw the light on in the small library, and thinking her father was there, she went in. But it was Helen who stood there, stubbing out a cigarette in an ashtray. "I'm "I'm sorry," Sara said. "I thought it was Father." "He's in bed. I've I've only onl y just come come in." in ." "Oh." Sara paused uncertainly and Helen shrugged. "I went to a charity film show with Gavin. It was for orphaned children." "Father gets tickets for it every year," Sara said automatically. "Someone from the Embassy always makes a point of going." "Well, I was seconded seconded for it this th is time." Helen's voice was jerky, as were her movements as she swung past Sara. "You coming up now?" Sara nodded and followed her stepmother up the curving stairs. Her pleasure had evaporated, turned to ashes by the knowledge that Gavin had found someone else to take her place. But it was ridiculous to be jealous of her stepmother, stepmother, and an d she tried trie d to push away the oppressive oppressive feelings feel ings that were engulfing her. "Was it a good film?" she asked. "Excellent, but then I love musicals. I'm I'm afraid Gavin doesn't." doesn't." They had reached the main corridor and Helen opened the door of her suite, leaving Sara to make her way to her own room at the far end. Gavin had said nothing to her about taking her to a film show tonight. If he had had the tickets surely he would have told her about it before he had gone to Copenhagen? Unless he had intended to take Helen all the time? Moodily
she kicked off her shoes and padded padded around the room, r oom, the long skirts of her h er dress trailing on the carpet. She was so deep in gloomy thoughts that it was several moments before she became became aware of the sound of hailstones hail stones beating beating against the window. She stared at the th e closed curtai curtains. ns. It was unusual for a storm to come up so quickly. There was another rattle on the pane and she walked over and pushed aside the curtains. curtai ns. The sky was cloudless cloudless and in the th e garden below not a branch stirred. As she stood there there was another shower of pebbles pebbles against the glass, and she jerked back violently, violentl y, but not before she saw the pale blur of an upturned face on the path below. Someone was trying to get her attention. Quietly she opened the window and stepped on to the balcony. At once the figure fi gure below moved, and with with a gasp of astonishment she saw it was Gavin. "I thought you'd never hear me," he whispered. "I must have flung a ton of gravel." "I thought it was a storm." "There's a storm all right," he replied. "But it's in me! Come down here, Sara, I want to talk to you." "I'm going to bed." "You aren't even undressed u ndressed yet. Come down." down." "No." "Then I'll come come up." "You can't," she protested. "We'll see about that." She watched, fascinated, fascinated, as he grasped the trellis trel lis that masked masked the wall and climbed agilely up it until his head was on a level with her balustrade. "I'll have to call you Romeo," she said lightly. "Don't put ideas into my head!" h ead!" She went scarlet and stepped back quickly, intent on getting into her room and locking the windows behind her. As if guessing her intention Gavin vaulted over the pillars with the ease of a trained athlete and in one bound was across the balcony and gripping her by
the shoulders. shoul ders. "If "If you go into in to your room," he grated, "I'm "I'm coming coming in with you. And I'd better warn you you'll be much safer with me if you remain out here!" Instantly her struggle ceased and he laughed. But it was a strained laugh, as if he were not amused. "I've been waiting for you for hours, Sara." "You couldn't have been. You only brought Helen home a little while ago." "It seems seems like hours. h ours. I thought you would never get back." back." "I don't know Charles well enough to spend the night with him!" "Don't you?" Gavin put his hand under her chin and jerked her head up so violently that she thought her neck would snap. "Have you ever done it before?" he stormed. stormed. "Don't be silly." "I'm asking you," he grated. "Of course I haven't. Don't you know?" His breath came out on a long sigh. "I don't know anything about you any more. You have me so mogadored mogadored I can't can't think thi nk straight. What Wh at have you done to me, Sara? You've turned tur ned my whole life li fe upside down." down." She forced herself not to see in his words everything she wanted to see. "I don't know what you mean," she murmured. "I know you don't, and that makes it even worse. If If you were a woman woman you would know. But you're a child… an untouched child." There were many replies she could have made, but thoughts of Helen kept her silent, and an d all she could do was stand and tremble tremble within with in his grasp. "Can't you say anything?" anythi ng?" he demanded. demanded. "You've never been short of words before." "I don't know what to say. I don't understand you." "I thought I was being being pretty obvious," he said drily. "Not to me." She moistened her lips. "You were - you were with Helen
tonight." "Because I was was free. Did you think thi nk I'd planned to take her out?" "Didn't you?" "Of course not." He dropped his hands away from her. "She was supposed to go with Mike. But he couldn't go because Jane had come back, and as I was free, I went instead." i nstead." How simple the truth could make everything! Sara gave a sigh of pure relief, and with a radiant face, she lifted her arms and placed them round Gavin's neck. He gave a shudder and went to pull pul l away, but she clung clun g to him more tightly and with a moan he gathered her against him and lowered his head until unti l his h is mouth found hers. h ers. It was a long and deeply deeply satisfying kiss ki ss;; the most adult kiss of Sara's life and one that awakened her from girlhood to womanhood. womanhood. She was as innocent as Gavin Gavi n had h ad said, but but passion gave her knowledge and her mouth parted beneath his and was open to his seeking. seekin g. "No!" It was a quiet but forceful for ceful sound and his hi s hands came came up and tore her h er arms away away from his hi s neck. "No, Sara, you don't know what you're doing." doin g." "I'm "I'm only kissing you." "Only!" he cried, and as if he could not stop himself, pulled her back into his arms. But he was careful not to touch her mouth, and rested his chin on the top of her head. "Your hair feels as soft as silk," he murmured, "and in the moonlight it looks like spun gold." "Yours reminds me of jet. You are my pirate, Gavin. Gavi n. Did you know that's th at's how I think of you?" "Your pirate?" There Ther e was amusement amusement in his voice. "Don't put any ideas into my head. For less l ess than two pins I would abduct abduct you!" "For less than two t wo pins I'd go!" go!" "Then why all al l the teasing?" he demanded. demanded. "This Charles… Charl es… I was was so murderously jealous I could have killed him!" "I was jealous too. That's why I…" She hesitated. "It was because of Helen." She felt him stiffen, but when he replied his voice was casual. "You have no reason to be jealous of your stepmother. It isn't very logical."
"Jealousy is rarely logical, and I love you so much that - " She stopped, furious at her indiscretion, but it was too late to retract the words, for he gave a soft but triumphant laugh. "Darling Sara!" This time his hand under her chin was gentle as he tilted her head until their eyes met. "Any other girl would have waited for the man to say it first, but you have such honesty, such a lack of guile that you can't prevaricate." "I'd "I'd make a rotten diplomat," she said ruefully, ruefull y, and waited for him hi m to echo her own declaration. But instead he went on looking into her eyes. "There's so much I want to say, Sara, but I have no right. I should never have taken you out." Mortified, she stared at him. "You needn't bother letting me down lightly. If you were flirting with me, just say so. I'll get over you, Gavin. I'm young and " "That's the trouble," he interrupted. "You're too young. Oh, Sara, I'm not trying to say I don't love you. Just that I love you too much to tie you down until you've seen more of life." "I'm "I'm eighteen. That's not a child." chil d." "But such a young eighteen. You know nothing of the world. You've been cocooned cocooned and you're still wrapped wrapped round by it." it ." "Then you must show me how to get free." She went to put her arms around his neck, but he h e caught hold of them th em and pressed pressed them down down to her h er sides. "No, darling, please don't. I…" "You don't love me," she said brokenl brokenly. y. "You needn't pretend. "I do love you." His Hi s voice was so deep it was almost almost inaudible. in audible. "You're everything I've dreamed of… everything I ever wanted." "Oh, Gavin!" Before he could stop her she flung herself against him, winding her arms round his waist and then up under his jacket to feel the taut muscles across his shoulders. They grew even tenser at her touch and she gripped him close and twined one foot around arou nd him so that he h e could not step back and prise prise her free.
"Sara!" he gasped. gasped. "You "You don't know what you're doing." She didn't, and she only realised it as she felt a shudder go through him and heard the heavy hammering of his heart. Once again her lips parted below his, but he gave a violent wrench and twisted her away from him. "No," he grated. "For God' G od's s sake, Sara, no!" His voice was tormented and in th the e moonlight she saw the glisten of sweat on his forehead. foreh ead. Her own skin was damp damp too and, as the cool spring breeze touched it, she shivered. "I'm "I'm sorry," she said huskily. "It's the first fir st time I - " "Darling, I know." He put his hand to her cheek. "One day soon I hope there'll be no stopping for either of us, but until that time comes you mustn't try me too far - at least not on the balcony of your bedroom at two o'clock in the morning! I'd probably have more control if we were downstairs or if you were wearing armour-plating armour -plating instead of that flimsy fl imsy dress." dress." She giggled. "I never thought you'd be scared of losing your control." "I haven't been, until now." His fingers remained on her cheek. "I haven't led the life of a celibate, Sara, I don't want you to think that, but from now on there'll be only you." He quickly kissed her on the brow, then vaulted across the balustrade and on to the trellis. Within a moment he was standing on the ground below, indistinct in the darkness, though his voice was clear as it whispered up to her. "Goodnight, my love, sleep well!" The world was still rosy for Sara in the cool clear light of the following dawn, and she lay warm beneath the eiderdown and thought of Gavin. What a wonderful life they would have together, and how lucky that he should be in the Diplomatic Service like her father. "How happy I am!" she cried aloud, and jumped joyously out of bed. Dressed and showered, she she went downstairs. Her father fath er was in the breakfast room and glanced up briefly from the morning papers. She noticed the tiny network of lines ageing his eyes, as if he had not slept too well, and some of her happiness decreased. decreased.
"You look tired, Father. You must be looking forward to going to Rokeby." She kissed him on the cheek, then went to help herself from the dishes on the hot plate. "I doubt if Helen will want to spend much time there," her father replied. "She has all sorts of plans afoot. I thought she might have spoken to you about them." "She hasn't h asn't done done so far." Sara Sar a bit into in to some toast. toast. "What sort of plans?" "About going to New York." "In the middle of summer? You'll frizzle there!" "Maybe you can convince her," Sir William sighed. "I must admit I look forward to being in my own home for a couple of months each year. year . I guess I am getting old. I never used to hanker for Rokebury the way I do now." "Fifty isn't i sn't old," Sara protested. "You're "You're probably just tired tir ed of being a diplomat." "Well, I certainly have to be a diplomat since my marriage," he said wryly, and then, as if afraid he had h ad said too much, much, hurriedly hur riedly gulped down down some coffee. coffee. Sara knew better than to try and get her father's confidence. He was above all a loyal man, and the fact that he had said what he had indicated the strain under which he was living. What was the matter with Helen? Didn't she know when she was well off? Admittedly her husband was a generation older, but she should have taken that into account before she married him. Sara glanced at her father and wished she knew if he regretted his marriage, or would still take Helen for a wife if he had the choice again. "What would you like to do for the summer?" her father asked, interrupting her reverie. "I'm not sure. It depends." "On Gavin?" Seeing her blush, Sir William pursed his lips. "It might be good for you to get away from each other for a few months. It would give you a chance to think clearly." She was startled. "I thought you liked Gavin." "I do, my dear, but I love you."
"And I love him." She bit her lip. "I'm sorry, Father. I wasn't going to tell you now." "You didn't need to tell me, I guessed it some time ago. Am I to take it he loves you?" "I think he does," she stammered, stammered, "but - but he hasn't h asn't asked me me to marry marr y him." "I should hope not - without first seeing me about it." "Oh, Daddy 1" She wasn't aware of using her childhood name for him, but her father was, and he leaned over and patted her cheek. "I want what's best best for you, Sara, and an d at the moment I'm not sure that marriage, even to someone as charming as Gavin, is the wisest thing for you." "But you like him. You just said so." "That has nothing to do with it. Gavin's more than twelve years older than you. He's seen a lot of life-enough to make up his mind about his future and what he wants to do with it - but you're still a child." "I'll grow up once I'm married." "I would rather you grew up before you married!" Sara put down her knife and fork. "Are you telling me you would refuse Gavin if he asked your permission to marry me?" Sir William ruffled his hand over his hair, a sure sign he was agitated. "Only temporarily, my dear, to give you time to see something of the world." He paused, as if waiting for her to disagree with him, but Sara was not her father's daughter for nothing and she knew both how to bide her time and hold her tongue. It was only when she was with Gavin that her emotions ran away with her, making her say things that were better left unsaid. A tender smile curved her mouth. "I'm "I'm sure enough enou gh about my feelings for Gavin G avin to t o know I won't change my my mind, no matter how long lon g you make us wait" "That's all to the good, good, then." He glanced glan ced at his wrist- watch and rose. "I take it he'll be talking to me about it some time?"
She blushed. "I hope so. As I told you, we - he hasn't h asn't actually proposed to me yet." "But you think he will?" "Yes," she said proudly, "I do." But later that day, Sara's proud assertion was not so firm. After all, Gavin had never spoken of their future together and it was foolhardy to read so much into a few passionate kisses. Anxiously she waited to hear from him, but the hours passed and no call came. Her father was out for lunch and she and Helen sat on the terrace. Her stepmother stepmother was in a strange mood and when a telephone call came for her she refused to have the telephone brought to the table and said she would take it in her bedroom. She was away for nearly twenty minutes, and when she reappeared, her eyes were glittering darkly in an ashen face. "Is anything wrong?" Sara Sar a asked. "I don't don't want to talk about it." The answer was too blunt to be ignored and Sara lapsed into silence, thinking that no one could accuse her stepmother of being a diplomat. Before coffee was served served Helen made made her excuses and left the table. "I'll be out this afternoon," she explained. "I'm sure you have things of your own to do." Sara nodded and watched her stepmother walk briskly away from her. Slim and elegant, she was now verging on thinness, and Sara was more than ever convinced that Helen was actively actively unhappy. Could it stem from boredom? boredom? After all, before her marriage she had led an active working life, but now her days were only filled with pleasure and she could well find time hanging heavily on her hands. Sara tried and failed to visualise her with a child and was somehow glad of it, for though she knew her father would like a son, she could not see Helen in any maternal role. Reluctant to continue with such thoughts, for they smacked of disloyalty to her father, she decided decided to spend an afternoon going goin g round some of the art galleries and, ignoring the fashionable ones within the vicinity of the Champs Elysees, she went to the small ateliers where artists worked - and displayed their paintings. paintings.
At four-thirty she went to a cafe, enjoying both the drink and a chance to rest her feet. She had slipped out of her shoes when she heard her name called and looked round to see Gavin's sister Jane. "I recognised you by your hair," hai r," Jane said. "I've "I've never seen such a wonderful colour. It's like honey." h oney." She dumped some some parcels on the table. "Mind if I join joi n you - I'm dying of thirst." thir st." Sara nodd n odded ed and signalled to the waiter for some some more coffee. "What are you doing in this part of the world?" she asked. "I've "I've been to see a book publisher." publisher ." Sara was surprised. "I didn't didn't know you were a writer." writer ." "Only of simple children's stories. It's actually the illustrations which I do best." best." Jane rumm ru mmaged aged in a gay plastic bag and took out a folder containing containin g a series of coloured drawings. Sara gazed at them with delight. "They're lovely! I'm sure you won't have any trouble selling them." "I haven't," Jane said happily. happily. "The publisher publi sher likes l ikes them too and he's commiss commissioned ioned another anothe r book after this one." "Do you find it difficult to get ideas?" "Generally. "Gener ally. But Bu t maybe now I'm I'm expecting expecting - " She S he stopped and looked charmingly confused. "I suppose suppose I might as well tell tel l you. you . You'll know soon enough anyway. I'm expecting a baby." "How wonderful wonderfulll There's Ther e's no need to ask if you're you'r e pleased." pleased." "It's "It's what I've I've wanted ever since I married Mike," Jane said flatly. "But it i t never happened. And then when I'd given up hope h ope - when we both stopped stopped thinking thinki ng about it - I became pregnant." She gave a merry laugh. "I didn't find out until I was in Yorkshire and I didn't tell Mike till last night." "He must be thrilled." A shadow crossed crossed Jane's Jane's face, making making her look her thirty-two thir ty-two years. "I think the poor darling darl ing was shattered. I mean, mean, we rather rathe r got used to leading a selfish selfi sh life and we'll have to start making adjustments once the baby baby comes." comes."
"When the baby's actually with you, you won't think of it as an adjustment," Sara said. "How knowledgeable you sound! Anyone would think you've had children of your own!" "I would like to," Sara confessed, and thought of slim, sli m, black-hair black-haired ed boys with bright blue eyes. "You must be in love," Jane remarked. "That's generally the time when young girls get broody!" Sara would have given a great deal to know if Jane was being artless or if Gavin had told her of his feelings, but before she could devise a subtle way of asking, Jane began to speak of her own forthcoming baby. "I liked the idea of being pregnant in Paris - continental people are much more sympathetic sympathetic - but now n ow it looks as if we might be moving on." "Moving on where?" Sara asked, surprised. "Mike isn't sure. He only told me last night after I suggested we start to look for a house instead of a flat. He said he thought we wouldn't be staying in Paris." This was the first Sara had heard of Mike leaving. Only a couple of days ago her father had said how pleased he was with the work Mike was doing. "Are you sure you haven't misunderstood your husband?" she ventured. "He seemed positive positive we wouldn't be staying here. her e. But please don't don't mention it to anyone. It was wrong of me to tell you, but I assumed assumed you knew." "Knew what?" Sara said blankly. "I have a dreadful memory." Jane twinkled with admiration. "I can see why you have Gavin running round in circles. I never thought the woman was born who could make him do that." Sara waited desperately for Jane to elaborate, but instead i nstead the woman woman gathered her parcels and rose. "I want to get back home before the rush hour and it will be murder to go on the Metro if I leave it any later." "Let me see if I can get you a taxi," taxi ," Sara volunteer volu nteered. ed. "I'm "I'm sure sure Mike wouldn't want you going on the train."
"When I was first married he was furious with me for not learning to drive, and yesterday he muttered mutter ed somethin something g about getting me a chauffeur." Jane sighed. "I can't think of Mike as being so rich. During the first few years we were married, we used to quarrel about it." Jane continued to talk of her early years of marriage as she and Sara walked in search of a taxi. "It was considered considered quite a coup for me to marry Mike," Mi ke," she confessed, confessed, "but I would have married him if he hadn't had a penny. I was crazy about him." She beamed. "I still am. Silly, isn't it, after ten years of marriage?" "I think it's wonderful," Sara said warmly. "I hope I'll I'll be able to say the same when I've been married for ten years." Jane gave her a sideways sideways glance, but before she could reply, a free fr ee taxi cruised past and Sara hailed it. "I won't won't come with you," she said, opening the door for Jane to get in. in . "I'm "I'm still gallery-gazing." But once she had waved Jane goodbye, she lost the urge to see any further paintings and, hailing another taxi, returned to the Embassy. Talking to Jane had given her a new insight into Gavin's behaviour. Was it the difference in their financial positions - rather than in their ages - which made him reluctant to ask her to marry him? If she could be sure that this was his sole reason, she would soon make short shrift of it. What did it matter who had the money? Once they were married it would be jointly theirs anyway. She frowned. No, it wouldn't. She might like it to be so, but Gavin was not the sort of man to let his wife provide provi de for him. hi m. Yet money money was unimportant and an d he must be made made to see it. Perhaps her father would be able to help her. He was a man of the world and would know how best to allay Gavin's G avin's fears. Again she frowned, fr owned, knowing she could not turn to her father, for he had already made it clear that he considered her too young to know her own mind. "But I do know it," she whispered. "I love Gavin. I will love him all my life." What was the best way of convincing her father? Only time would do this, and time was something for which youth had little patience. Perhaps Helen might be able to help her. Somehow Sara did not relish the prospect of enlisting her stepmother's aid. No, she would try and talk her father around on her own. But not yet. First she must get Gavin to ask her the all-important question.
CHAPTER FIVE Sara only saw Gavin briefly during the next few days, for pressure of work necessitated his going to Brussels with her father. Mike too was out of town and life at the Embassy was unusually quiet. A telephone call from Sir William, four days after his departure, gave both his wife and daughter an opportunity to forget their loneliness and plan something tangible, for he asked them to organise a private dinner and dance the following week, for a young member member of the th e Royal Family F amily who was coming coming to Paris for a few days. days. Helen blossomed blossomed at the thought, boredom forgotten as she planned the menu with the th e chef, discussed discussed the seating arrangements arran gements with with her husband's husband's secretary and spent endless hours cogitating on what to wear. She was still in a good mood when Sir William returned home late on Friday evening. His long session in Brussels had left him depleted of energy and he looked grateful for Helen's suggestion that he have dinner in bed and she would sit with him. "What will you do, Sara?" he asked. "Have an early night too," she said quickly. "Didn't Mike and Gavin come back with you?" Helen enquired. "You are very interested in my young men," Sir William commented drily. "It's "It's your own fault fau lt for having havin g such good-looking good-looking ones!" Sir William gave a tired laugh and rose. "As a matter of fact they did come back with me. Gavin mentioned something about dropping in for a drink if he got his debriefing over early enough." The grey head turned in Helen's direction. "Perhaps "Perh aps you want to reconsider coming up and keeping me company?" "The last thing I want to do is to play gooseberry!" Helen retorted, and her skirts flounced floun ced as she walked ahead of her husband to the door. Sara watched them go with some misgivings, misgivings, more convinced than ever that something was wrong between her father and Helen. But she was too excited at the prospect of seeing Gavin to think of anything that would make her unhappy, and she ran to the mirror and pushed her fingers quickly through the honey-coloured strands. Her grey eyes gleamed more silver than ever,
making the darker rim round the iris more noticeable, and her face was flushed, as was her whole body at the prospect of seeing the man she loved. l oved. The door opened behind her and she stared into the mirror and saw Gavin come into view. How tall and dark he looked in a formal navy suit, his shirt startlingly white against his tanned skin. Even at a distance the gleam in his eyes was noticeable and their colour intensified as he stared at her. "Hello, young Sara." His deep voice held a deprecating humour which prevented her from running across the carpet and flinging herself into his arms. "Hello," she said lightly. lightl y. "You've just missed missed my father and Helen. Hel en. They've retired for the night." n ight." "Then there's no point in my staying, is there? I only came to deliver some papers." She flung him such a reproachful look that his mouth tilted at the corners, but there was still a withdrawal in his manner that made her remain where she was. was. This was the first fir st time they had h ad seen each other since he had h ad climbed her balcony and kissed her so passionately. passionately. No, she amended, amended, she had been the one to kiss with passion and he had merely responded to it. Was that why he was behavin behaving g oddly oddly - because because he was remembering remembering the th e abandon with which she had flung herself at him and was trying to tell her it had meant nothing to him? She tried to think what he had said when he had left her that night, but all she could remember was the deliciously foolish plans they had made for the future, and it was hard for her to know where fact ended and fiction had begun. I don't know whether he loves me, she thought dismally. All I know is how achingly I love him. "What about offering offeri ng me a drink now that I'm here?" He came across the room r oom and stopped stopped a couple couple of feet from her. "A brandy, I think, and a Hines Hi nes for preference." "Please pour what you want," she said shakil shakily. y. "I never know k now how much to give." "Not only about brandy," he said huskily. "You also give of yourself far too generously." Scarlet-faced, she could not look into his eyes, but as she turned away he pulled her round to face him and kissed her quickly and hard on the mouth.
"I love you, darling," darli ng," he said abruptly, and dropping his hands, picked up the bottle of brandy. Sara did not know whether to be pleased or angry. The touch of Gavin's lips had transported her into a world of sensuous delight, but his abrupt ending of it had h ad sent that self-same world world crashing, crashin g, and once again again she did not know where she was. If he did not love her why had he kissed her, and if he loved her enough to kiss her, why had he let her go? "You look more beautiful than ever, Sara." He was eyeing her over the edge of his glass. "I don't don't think thi nk I've seen that dress before." "There are lots of my dresses you haven't seen." She tilted her head; if he could make banal conversation, so could she. "I have a wardrobe-full." "I don't doubt it." "I suppose suppose you think thi nk I'm extravagant?" "It's "It's only extravagant to spend what what one doesn't doesn't have." "In that case," she said coolly, "one would not n ot consider me to be extravagant." ex travagant." His eyes glinted, but he sipped his brandy in silence. Sara perched on the arm of the settee, convinced that Gavin's G avin's coolness stemmed stemmed from his awareness of her wealth. She wanted to tell him it did not matter, that if he wished she would give it all away, but she knew that to say anything like this was precipitate. First he had to declare himself. Only then could she disclose her own feelings. Nervously she looked down at one slender leg. She had already shown her own feelings so clearly that Gavin would have to be blind not to know how she felt about him. "Did you miss me while I was away?" he asked, and came to sit on the same settee but on the far end of it. "I've "I've been too busy to miss you. We've been arranging arr anging a dinner-dance dinn er-dance for the Prince." "Ah yes," his glance was sly. "Here's your chance to get your self a tide, young Sara. I understand he's looking for a bride." "Will you be willing to dance at my wedding ?" "If I thought you were happy."
His clever answer told her that when it came to sparring with him she would be the loser, but it did not prevent her from trying. "How does one know that happiness is going to last? One can start off with the best of intentions and then everything can go sour." "Marriages don't go wrong for no reason," he said harshly. "Circumstances can can - " "People make their own circumstances," circumstances," he interrupted. inter rupted. He seemed to be speaking with a hidden meaning which she could not fathom, and she knew with sadness that he did not want her to understand. Oddly, she felt they were strangers and that they would remain so until she could share the knowledge he was trying to keep from her. "Is anythi anything ng wrong, Gavin?" she asked. "No. Why should you think there is?" "Just somethin something g in your you r manner. manner . There's so much much about you I don't don't know." "That shouldn't surprise you," you ," he said abruptly. "I've lived the best part of my life without you." Tears filled her eyes and she jumped up. "That's a hurtful thing to say! I've only known you a few weeks, but - " "Darling, don't cry." He was standing standing too and his hi s hands were warm on her bare arms. "Don't cry," he reiterated. "You're too lovely ever to be hurt." "Then why are you hurting me?" Childishly she rubbed her knuckles against her eyes and the gesture seemed to be his undoing, for with a murmur he turned her around and gathered her close. "Forgive me," he said huskily. hu skily. "I'm edgy tonight. I shouldn't have come over to see you." "If I could believe you did come come over to see me," she whispered, "I would feel much better." For an instant he said nothing. Then: "Who did you think I came over to see, if not you?"
"I don't know." "Because you don't know, it's no good reaso reason n for imagining things," thi ngs," he teased and, releasing his hold of her, went to set his brandy goblet on the tray. "I'd better go." "When will I see you again?" She knew she should not ask but could not prevent herself. "Tomorrow. Are you free to have dinner with me?" She was so happy that her eyes shone. "Of course I'm free. free. Do you need n eed to ask?" "If I didn't, you would soon have my guts for garters!" garter s!" She giggled. "Girls don't wear garters any more." "It would have sounded indecent in decent if I'd said tights!" This time she laughed outright, and the sound was still echoing in her ears as Gavin blew her a goodnight kiss and left. He does love me, she thought, staring starin g at the closed door, and if he goes on being so reluctant relu ctant to commit commit himself, h imself, I'll I'll have to do it for him. h im. It's It's too silly for us to keep pretending. The following evening Gavin took her to a small but charming bistro within walking distance of the Emb E mbass assy. y. Because the night n ight was balmy balmy he left his h is car in the courtyard and escorted her there on foot. "I hope you can do justice to a good meal," he said. "Claude "Claude is a Burgundian B urgundian and he doesn't only have a marvellous table, but a prolific one." "I haven't eaten much today," she confessed. "I've been too busy." "With the Royal affair?" he teased. "Helen is pulling out all the stops. The tables are going to be strewn with flowers and the theme is totally Fragonard." "Are you referring referr ing to the scent or the painter?" "The painter," she laughed. "Everyone will have to come in Fragonard colours."
"I don't don't see myself in a pastel pastel pink pin k dinner jacket!" "Only the women," she assured him solemnly. "Can you see Father wearing anything other than a black dinner jacket?" "No, I couldn't," he agreed, and was instantly sobered. sobered. His lightheartedness did not even return when they were sitting across from one another at the dinner table, and again Sara was conscious of how much she did not understand about him. Of course he was over twelve years her senior and many more years older than that in experience. Maybe he found her too childish? Yet if he did he would not have fallen in love with her - and he was in love with her; she could tell from the look in his eyes, the way his lower lip trembled as he watched her, as if he could not quite suppress the desire to kiss her. "I've "I've looked forward to seeing seein g you all day," she she said deliberately. deliberatel y. "That goes for me too, young Sara." "I do wish you wouldn't call me that. I'm not so young." "You are Sara and you are young." "I'm "I'm not a child, chil d, Gavin. I see and know quite a lot." "Do you indeed? And what precisely do you know and see?" She longed to tell him how worried she was about her father, but loyalty kept her silent. How could she discuss his emotional life with a man who worked for him? If only Gavin were not employed at the Embassy! "What's wrong, Sara?" Gavin leaned across the table. "You look very pale." "I'm "I'm hungry," she said quickly, and reached r eached out for a piece of French Fren ch bread. The meal, when it i t came, was was everything everythi ng Gavin had promised it would be, and by the time their final course was set before them, a tangy sorbet with tiny fraises des bois to follow, she was feeling feelin g much less on edge. "You could never get a meal like this in a small restaurant in London," she sighed. "How many many small restaurants r estaurants in London do you know?" he chided.
"I've "I've heard h eard my friends fr iends speak." "Charles, for example?" It took her an instant to realise he was referring to Ann's brother and she was delighted he had h ad remembered remembered his hi s name. "Charles was one of them," she said guilelessly. "Where did you meet him?" Gavin's Gavi n's voice was abrupt and she gestured vaguely, glad to see he accepted it as an answer. "I take it you'll be returning to England during August?" he spoke again. "I'm "I'm not sure." Once again she had a chance to tell him of Helen's Hele n's restlessness and of her own fears that the marriage - even at this early stage - was beginning to crack. But again loyalty kept her silent and she murmured that Helen wanted them to go to New York for part of the time. "I've never been to America," she added. "I think it will be exciting." "No city is exciting in August, particularly New York." "Nor Paris." "Actually I like Paris when everyone has left it," he said. "You get to appreciate the city then. There's no problem with parking and you can walk along the pavements without being jostled. The buildings and the trees come into their own too, when there's hardly a soul to appreciate them." "Maybe that's why they blossom." "There's no point in i n blossoming blossoming unseen. un seen. Everything Everyt hing needs n eeds to be appreciated." appreciated." "Even people?" she ventured. "Especiall "Especially y people." He reached across the table and caught hold of her hand. "Like you, for instance. When you know you are loved, you radiate. When you feel ignored, i gnored, you close up your petals and fade." fade." Delighted by the description, she smiled and a dimple came came and went in her cheek. "Don't look at me like that," he said abruptly, "or I'll make a fool of myself and kiss you in front of everyone." He released her hand and resumed eating. Sara made made an effort to do the same, but she wasn't very successf successful. ul.
"Where are you going for the summer?" she asked. "I'll be here most of the time and in Yorkshire for my holiday." "On the family estate?" He smiled ruefully. "Not an estate, Sara. I don't come from a rich family." "So Jane told me." "Has she, be damned! damned! And how h ow come come you were talking talki ng about my family?" "She was telling telli ng me that everyone ever yone thought th ought she'd made made a good catch catch when she married Mike." The fork in Gavin's hand was still, but he made no comment and she continued continu ed speaking. speaking. "She also al so told me about about the th e baby - you know, of course?" "Yes." "Is Mike pleased?" The fork jerked again and Gavin set it down on his plate. "Of course he's pleased. pleased. It's what what they've th ey've been wanting wantin g for years." year s." "I suppose children help to give marriage stability," she said, thinking of Helen who had no time for anything but clothes, jewels and enjoying herself. "Nothing can stabilise a bad marriage," Gavin replied, "but children can help to make a good one one that th at much better." "What did Mike mean about not staying on in Paris?" Sara asked the question idly and was taken aback to see Gavin's eyes cloud over, almost as if he had drawn a shutter on them to keep her out of his thoughts. "Are you sure that's what Mike said?" he drawled. "Jane told me." "You must have misunderstood her - or perhaps she misunderstood him." "Neither of us misunderstood anything," Sara persisted. "As a matter of fact I'd thought of asking my father." "For God's sake sake don't do that!" The words seemed seemed torn from fr om him and he saw her look of shock. "I'm "I'm sorry, Sara, but - but you know kn ow how much much harm h arm gossip gossip
can do, and if your father thought Mike was unhappy here…" "But he is happy, isn't he?" Gavin nodded, though his eyes still remained shuttered, and for the rest of the evening she had the impression that the real part of him was miles away. Only when they walked home through the dark streets, the air cooler now that it was midnight, midnight, did the feelin fee ling g of distance between between them diminish, and an d when he caught her hand and swung it gently backwards backwards and forwards, forwards, she felt as though she were turning the clock back too. "Do you remember the night ni ght on my balcony?" she whispered. "Not if I can help it." His voice was low and throbbing. "If I think of it at night, it stops stops me sleeping!" "Why can't you be serious seri ous ?" she reproached. "Not yet." The words seemed forced from him and she stopped walking and peered up into his face. "Why not yet?" "So many questions, Sara." "Only because you're so puzzling. I can't fathom you out." "Put it down to the difference in our ages, my sweet. With a little more sophistication sophistication you y ou won't find me difficult to understand." "I suppos suppose e I must be like an open book to you," she said reproachfully. "No, darling." Gently he raised her hand to his lips. "The pages are still uncut, though some of the contents are plain to see!" "One day I'll be full ful l of bons mots too," too," she warned, "then you'd y ou'd better watch watch out, Gavin Baxter." "I should have been on my guard against you from the moment we met," he sighed, and regardless of the few passers-by, passers-by, lowered his h is head and kiss ki ssed ed her full on the mouth. Before she had a chance to respond, he drew back and resumed walking, the gesture telling her - as his behaviour had done all the evening - that he had many other problems on his mind.
"Don't shut shut me out," out ," she pleaded. pleaded. "If anything is i s worrying you, I do wish wish you'd tell me." "My dear Sara," the look he gave her was both haughty and astonished, reminding her that he was a man experienced in the ways of dealing with women, "I have a few political problems that need resolving. Nothing at all for you to worry about." She didn't believe him, but she had enough sense not to say so, and enough pride to give him a cool goodnight as they reached the front door. For the next few days both she and Gavin were too busy to see one another: Gavin with work unspecified and she with helping Helen to make the final arrangements for the Prince's arrival. He was, when when he h e finally fin ally came to stay, a young man of charm who seemed far happier when he was being teased by by Sara Sar a than treated with awed deference by Helen, who found it difficult to forget his royal birth. The difference between Helen's attitude and that of Sir William's brought home to Sara the knowledge that it was not only onl y age which separated them, but outlook and behaviour too. Try as she would, Sara could not help seeing how ill at ease Helen was in surroundings that she herself took for granted. But worse than this was her condescension to others whom she considered her inferiors, a word she so often used and which her husband had never uttered in his life. How could he have married her, Sara thought, on the evening of the dinner and dance as she she went up u p to her bedroom to change. change. Helen had been more than usually u sually difficult diffi cult today, made made so by nerves, Sara Sar a had conceded," conceded," but but nonetheless had found it extremely hard to keep her own temper. Surprisingly, her father had not been so strong- minded, and for the first time she could remember, she had heard him raise his voice to Helen. This, more than anything else, made her acknowledge the impossibility of going to New York with them. Their quarrels were becoming too frequent for her to dismiss them or to make sure she was not around when they erupted, and only by spending spending as little lit tle time ti me with them as possible possible was she able to maintain a degree of friendship with her stepmother, particularly now that her strongest desire desire was to catch catch those two thin shoulders and give them the m a violent shake. Didn't Helen know when she was well well off? Didn't she realise reali se she had a man in a thousand? Thinking of Aunt Grace living alone in London, writing her gay letters as if she really were having the wonderful time she pretended, Sara was not sure that her anger shouldn't have been directed against her
father, who had brought his unhappiness upon himself. The trouble was that innocent people had to suffer for it too. By the time she had changed into a shimmering white dress, its decollete bodice edged with pearls, its full skirt caught here and there with tiny bundles of stephanotis, she was in a more equable frame of mind, though thou gh she knew that not until she was with Gavin would she totally relax. How long ago it seemed since she had spoken to him alone, alon e, and what little li ttle chance she would have of doing so until the best part of the evening was over, since both she and Gavin had their own duties to carry out, he with the guests coming to meet the Prince and she with the Prince himself, who had shown a flattering inclination for her company. "Play your cards right," Helen had whispered in her ear only yesterday, "and you might end up in a palace!" "Not with His Highness," Hi ghness," Sara had said firmly. "He isn't my type." "Any man can be a woman's type type if she sets her mind to it." i t." "But how h ow can one guarantee one can always keep one's mind set that way?" Sara had replied with unusual crispness." "You aren't very subtle, are you, Sara?" "I'm "I'm too young to be subtle," Sara had h ad retorted, and had h ad walked away before their words could develop into an argument. She thought of them now as she went downstairs to the ballroom, and had the feeling she was standing on the edge of a crater, not sure whether it would erupt in front of her or whether the earth would open open up under her h er feet. But whatever it i t was, something something dreadful was going to happen. She shivered shiver ed and chided herself for being too imaginative. Since meeting Gavin she had lived on her nerves and it was beginning to affect her. Straightening her shoulders, she glided across the parquet floor, her full skirts billowing around her, her curving shoulders rising from the tight-fitting bodice like a translucent pearl. Several dozen pairs of eyes watched her with admiration, but Sara only saw one, and immediately after she had curtsied to the Prince and acknowledged her stepmother and father, she moved over to Gavin, her face face mirroring the emotion emotion in her heart. h eart. But no answering answering emotion showed on his face, only a careful smile.
"Hello, Sara. You look as if you should be on top of a Christmas tree." "Is there too much glitter?" she asked, dismayed. dismayed. "Good lord, no! I just mean you look far out of a mortal's reach - " "I'm not out of your reach." She held out her hands to him and he took them, squeezed them and instantly let them go. "My dear, you mustn't," he said huskily. "Why not? No one's looking at us. They're all staring at the Prince." "Then why aren't you staring? I understand he's extremely taken with you." "Don't you start that too!" "Who else has h as been saying it?" he demanded. demanded. "My fairy stepmother," stepmother," she said with an effort at lightness, l ightness, but saw no answering humour in the blue eyes watching her. "I thought she was watching you like a lynx when you came in tonight." "That's because because we quarr quarrelled elled yesterday and I haven't haven 't spoken spoken to her h er much today." Gavin came a step closer. "What did you quarrel about?" She was reluctant to tell him. "Why do two women usually quarrel?" "Over a man," he said carefully, and came even closer. "Tell me about the quarrel, Sara." "Not now." He looked as if he h e were about to say more, but before he h e could do so, Jane and Mike were upon them. Jane looked particularly young in a pink satin dress, and Sara's eyes moved across to Helen, who wore an almost identical shade of pink yet managed to look the th e picture of sophisticated sophisticated elegance. She saw Mike watching Helen too, an odd expression on his face, which remained there as he turned and looked at Gavin. Sara felt something was passing between the two men, but then Gavin averted his head and all she could see was his long straight nose and firm mouth, the high forehead and the cap of jet black hair.
"I didn't didn't realise real ise there ther e would be so many people people here," h ere," Jane said happily. "What time is dinner?" "All you think about is food," her husband interposed. "I thought eating for two was just a myth." "I've a feeling I'm eating for three." "Not twins!" Sara gasped. "I'm "I'm joking. Anyway, one can't tell at such an early ear ly stage." "Twins run in our family, Mike," Gavin said, his voice jerky. "It would make up for lost time if Jane carried on the pattern." "It would certainly make up for lost time when I think of all the wasted years," his sister said. "Don't," her brother said swiftly. "Think of all the happy years ahead." Jane gave him a tearful smile and glanced at Sara. "I think this baby is making me rather edgy. Until now n ow I've I've always prided myself myself on being the phlegm phl egmatic atic type." "Then make the most of your pregnancy," Sara joked. "They say it's the only time when husbands are sympathetic." sympathetic." "Mike is always sympathetic." Jane linked her arm through his and momentarily leaned her head against his shoulder. Looking at them both Sara wished she could be as demonstrative with Gavin. She gave him h im a sidelong glance. He was the most handsome handsome man man in i n the th e room and made made everyone ever yone appear insignificant insignifi cant by comparison. comparison. "Your father is looking this way," Gavin murmured. "I rather think duty is calling you." "So do I," she sighed. "Unfortunately we aren't sitting together at dinner, but I will see you afterwards, won't I?" I?" "Need you ask?" "It's "It's just that you looked l ooked at me so oddly oddly before."
"Oh, Sara," he whispered, "don't wear your heart on your sleeve the way you do. You're You're making makin g it so difficult for me." "Why? The other night you said there was nothing wrong." "Please… Go from me, your father wants you." For Sara the evening was a tormented one, made more difficult by the Prince's preference for her company, which made it impossible for her to leave him. "You're fun to be with," he h e confessed. confessed. "You don't treat me as if I'm any different from you and you poke fun at things. Most of the girls I know are always on edge with me." "Not from some of the photographs photographs I've seen," Sara llaughed. aughed. "You can't always go by photographs." photographs." Sedately he moved her across the floor, fl oor, giving a brief glance to the orchestra in the corner. "What are the chances of our sneaking off later on to a livelier place?" "Quite good for you on your own," she said, "but if I encourage you my father would be livid." "I can't imagine your father getting livid with anyone." The Prince glanced at Sir William, who was talking to a group of diplomats. Helen was not with them and Sara's eyes roamed the room in search of her and saw her dancing with Gavin. They were deep in conversation and the way in which he twirled her round the floor spoke of temper. Why were they quarrelling? Sara wondered, but had no chance to ponder on it, for the Prince was talking again. It was several several dances later before she was able to excuse herself and she looked around the floor for Gavin and saw him talking to Mike, both of them intent. "There you are, Sara." It was her father. "The evening is a great success, isn't it?" She nodd n odded. ed. "The dinner was marvell marvellous." ous." "You must thank Helen for that." He made a slight face. "The trouble is I haven't the digestion for it these days; rich sauces play havoc with me."
"It was all the th e different differen t wines," Sara said unsympathetically. "I watched watched you knocking back the glasses." Her father laughed. "And to think I came to you for sympathy!" He pulled another face. "I'd better go up and get my tablets." "Is it really that bad?" Belatedly Sara remembered her father had once had ulcers and though he had not complained of them for a long time, they could well have occurred again through stress. "I'll get them for you," she said guiltily. "No, my dear, it will only take me a moment to get them myself - they're in my room." "I know where you keep them," she replied, and sped away away to fetch them the m before he could prevent her.
CHAPTER SIX It was the first time Sara had been in her father's room since his marriage to Helen, and an d because because of her own physical awareness of Gavin she was embarrassingly self- conscious of her father's relationship with his young bride and, rummaging in his bedside table, felt like an interloper. The tablets she was looking for were not in the drawer and she went to search in the bathroom cabinet. They were not there either and she paused by the bed, trying to think where else he could have put them. Her father had always kept the pills close at hand, for he complained that it was at night when he felt most most in need of them. Without giving herself time to think she crossed the carpet and opened the communicating communicating door that led to Helen's Helen 's room. Here too the bedside lamps lamps were lit, though they cast their glow on far more opulence than in Sir William's room and it smelled heavily heavi ly of the th e scent she used. The bedcover bedcover had h ad been turned turn ed down down and a flimsy fl imsy nightdress lay across one pillow. Sara glanced at it and then quickly turned to the bedside tables. But the pills were not there either and she went back into her father's room for a second search. She was by his dressing-table when she heard Helen's voice and, glancing over her shoulder, saw she had left the th e communicatin communicating g door ajar. "You can cut the pretence pret ence now," Helen was saying. "No one is going to come up here and disturb us." "By all means let's be be honest" hone st" It was a man's man's voice, and Sara, in the act of moving over to close the door, stopped dead. Why had Gavin come to Helen's room? "For heaven's h eaven's sake, Gavin," Helen was speaking speaking again. "Must you be so innocent about the whole thing? What's done can't be undone. If you could accept accept that, your life would be much easier." "I know that things can't be undone," Gavin replied. "I merely don't want them to continue. What good will it do you to make trouble?" "I have no intention of making trouble. I just don't intend to be discarded like an old dress." "At least you can't pretend you're in love," Gavin said violently.
"Why should I pretend? It's the intrigue that I like. I find it exciting." "Well, I don't." "Naturally not. You have more to lose than I have." "Don't you care about Sir William?" "Him least of all." "Your position, then? That's one of the reasons you married him, isn't it?" "I've "I've learned lear ned my lesson," came came the retort. retor t. "Position means nothing nothin g to me, Gavin, it's having money that counts. Enough money to do as I like. Even if I leave William I'd still be rich. He isn't the type to leave his wife destitute." "Even if he knew you'd been having an affair with another man?" "Even if he knew." Helen's voice was rich as cream. "William belongs to the old school. He'd never discard his responsibilities." Gavin gave an exclamation and his steps could be heard moving heavily across the carpet. Sara knew she should leave her father's room, but she was powerless to move, held rooted there by horror. "Let's not waste waste time talking, talki ng, Helen," it was Gavin again. "Give "Gi ve me back the letter." "No?" "Why not? What satisfaction will you get by ruining her happiness? She's never done you any harm." "She's been cherished," Helen said venomously. "All her life she's been cared for and protected. That's more than enough to make me hate her!" "How can you hate someone who has never done you any harm?" "She's got the man I want! Can't you understand u nderstand that?" "I can never understand vengeance," Gavin said heavily. "When a love affair is over, it's over." "For you, you , maybe," maybe," Helen grated, "but "but not for me."
"Give me the letter," he said again. "Never!" There was the sound of his steps and then Helen's lighter ones as she ran across the room. "You needn't bother looking for it," she taunted. "You'll never find it." "It has to be somewhere somewhere here," h ere," he said. There was a sound of drawers opening, of objects being being thrown thr own to the ground. grou nd. "Get out!" Helen cried. "Get out or I'll call one of the servants!" "And cause a scandal in front of the Prince? Even you wouldn't do that." He crossed crossed to the other oth er side of the th e room and there ther e was the sound of more drawers opening and then an exclamation of triumph. "Give it back to me!" Helen's voice was a high-pitched scream, scream, and Sara winced as though each word was a knife being dug into her. "Give it back to me, Gavin!" "Never!" There was a sound of paper tearing and another scream from Helen. "You won't stop the truth coming out by destroying the letter. I'll see her now and tell her the whole story." "She won't believe you," Gavin stated. "I'll tell her you're making it up because you're so unhappy yourself you can't bear to see another woman in love." "She'll still believe me." Helen was sobb sobbing ing now, harsh har sh strident sobs. "I'll "I'll make her believe me! I won't let you get away with this. I'll pay you back if it's the last thing thin g I do!" do!" "There's nothing nothin g you can do," Gavin said. "Accept "Accept the fact that you've lost." l ost." "No, she hasn't!" Sara said. She was not aware of having h aving gone to the th e communicating door until she had actually pushed it wider and stood on the threshold. Her eyes took in the scene: Gavin by the bed, shreds of blue paper around him like confetti, and Helen clutching at him, her face contorted. "Sara!" Gavin's voice was incredulous. "How long have you been there?" "Long enough to hear everything you said." She looked at her stepmother.
"You needn't worry, Helen, you've got your revenge - if that's what you wanted." Swinging round, Sara ran to the door, but before she could open it, Helen was there, blocking her exit. "Are you going to tell your father?" "No." It was an effort for Sara to speak, but she had to make her intentions clear. "Tell him what you like… I'm not your conscience. I doubt if you have one." "I've never been able to afford it!" Helen said viciously. "So don't stand there like a prig, condemning condemning me." "Do you want me to applaud applaud you? You're my father's wife and you've been having an affair with the man I - " Tears constricted her throat, but Helen finished the sentence for her. "With the man you love?" "Helen!" Gavin thundered. "Haven't you done enough damage?" He strode towards Sara. "Darli "Darling, ng, listen to t o me." "No!" Without waiting to hear any more Sara pushed past Helen and raced down the corridor. Reaching her bedroom, she rushed in and locked the door, then went to the far side of the room, as if afraid to stand near it. What a disastrous end to an evening which had held such high hopes for her! And how ironic that her premonition of disaster had been for herself and not her father. The sharp rap of knuckles on the door made her give a gasp of fear. There was no need to ask who it was. Only one person would knock so peremptorily. "Go away!" she cried. crie d. "I don't don't want to see you." "I've "I've got to talk to t o you." Gavin's Gavin 's voice was was pitched low in order not to be audible to anyone who might be coming along the corridor. "Open the door and let me in." "No!"
"Open the door," he repeated. Afraid that unless she did he would cause a commotion, she slowly turned the key in the lock. At once Gavin stepped through the door and closed it. He was pale and a lock of black hair fell across his forehead, giving him a dishevelled look which Sara, even in a state of turmoil, found unbearably heartrending. "You've got to listen to me, Sara." Now he was alone with her, his voice was less controlled and the words came came out quickly. "I know what you think, th ink, and an d you're wrong. There's nothing between Helen and me." "Is that why you went to her room? Why you told her it was all over?" "I wasn't - " "Don't lie to me I" she cried. "I heard every ever y word you said. You pleaded with with her to end it. You begged her not to spoil things for you." "Not for me, Sara." "For me, then?" she flared. "Because you had my happiness at heart?" "Would it surprise you if I had?" "I suppos suppose e not. After all, I can be quite impo i mportant rtant to a man if he's h e's interested in money and position." Her expression was derisive. "I'm a good catch, aren't I? Young enough to be malleable and with an impeccab impeccable le background and a father who can be of inestimable help to an ambitious young man. And if that isn't enough - a fortune to go with it - and all in my own name, so no one can stop me me from giving givi ng it to anyone I like. Yes, I suppos suppose e I could be imp i mportant ortant to you." Gavin's Gavin 's eyes glitter glittered ed like blue blu e lamps. "You "You don't mean a word of that. You're in a temper and you don't know what you're saying." "I know what I saw! saw! You can't fool me any longer, lon ger, Gavin. Gavin . You've been acting strangely for weeks, but but I wasn't sure why. Now it all falls into in to place. You were worried in case my father or I found out you were having an affair with Helen!" "I never had an affair with her. Don't be a fool, Sara!" He took a step forward, arms outstretched, but she recoiled from him as though he were a snake. "Don't touch me I You're mad if you think you can go on fooling me. I heard
you searching for the letter you'd written her. I saw you tear it up!" "Not my letter," he h e cried. "Mike's!" "Mike?" She echoed the word as though it made made no sense. "Mike's," Gavin reiterated. "I went to Helen to plead for Mike, not for myself." "Why you?" Sara was hesitant. "Why - why couldn't he go himself?" "Because he's frightened of Jane hearing about it. Can't you see what it would do to her? She might even e ven lose l ose the baby. That's That's why I went to see Helen. Helen . I'm telling you the truth, Sara. You've got to believe me." "I'm "I'm not sure," sure ," Sara whispered. whi spered. "I_____ "I_____ I don't know any more. I saw you with her. I heard you." "I was talking for Mike." "Then let Mike tell tel l me so." Sara was suddenly suddenly galvanised into action. "Take me to Mike and let him tell me." She ran to the door, but as she went to wrench it open Gavin pulled her hand away from the handle. "Mike can't talk to you now," he said harshly. har shly. "What do you want to do - cause a scene in front of everyone?" "Then bring him here!" "How can can I get him hi m away away from Jane without with out her suspecting suspecting somethin something g is wrong?" "I don't don't care howl" Sara Sar a flared. flare d. "Just "Just do it!" "Not tonight. Be reasonable, Sara." "I am being being reasonable. r easonable. I'm I'm sure you can find an excuse e xcuse to get Mike away from Jane for a few minutes. Tell her it's business." "Very well. Meet me in the garden in a quarter of an hour and I'll bring him out to you." "That won't do," Sara said clearly. "I'm "I'm coming coming with you." His eyes widened and she plunged on. "We'll go and find Mike together. I'm not giving you the chance to be alone with him first, so that you can brief him what to tell me."
Gavin's Gavin 's jaw clamped clamped tight. "In "In other words you judge me me guilty guil ty until unt il I prove my innocence." He saw the answer in her face and his anger grew. "You're a fine one to talk about feelings! You don't even begin to know the meaning of the word. Do you think I would have any doubts about you if the position was reversed? You say you love me, but you're only too willing to see me as a fortune-hunter out to marry you to further my career and my bank balance! Well, if that's what you think of me, then - " "I think you used me as a front," she said recklessly. "As a cover-up for your you r affair with Helen I It was a wonderful opportunity when I fell for you, wasn't it? Did you fall in with me and thank your lucky stars or did you engineer it? Perhaps you and Helen even set it up together!" "We didn't need to," he exclaimed furiously. "You made your feelings obvious from the start." Mortification flicked her like a leather whip, rousing her to unprecedented fury. "What a coup it would have been if you could have married me. Then you'd have had the daughter as well as the wife!" "You're cra2y!" He gripped her and shook her violently. "You're crazy with temper and you don't know what you're saying. In the morning you'll regret it." "Never!" "Yes, you will, and then you'll come running after me to apologise." "If you wait for that, you'll wait for ever." "Then I'll wait for ever. I love you, Sara, but I'm not going to waste my time trying to make you see sense when you've temporarily lost yours." He pushed her away from him and strode out, closing the door sharply behind him. Disbelievi Disbelievingly ngly Sara Sar a remained where wher e she was, hoping he would come back back and plead with her again; that he would take her to see Mike. But the door stayed shut and the only sound that came to her was the music from the ballroom, where people were still dancing. Was it only half an hour since she had gone in search of her father's pills? So much had h ad happened happened that it i t seemed as if a lifetime lifeti me had elapsed. elapsed. With a shudder she sank on to the bed. The accusations accusations she had hurled at Gavin echoed in her brain and horrified her with their malevolence. How could she have spoken to him like that? She loved him. The least she should have done was to listen to him before losing her temper. Yet
he had deceived her. He was having a love affair with Helen, and had only decided to end it because because she herself her self was the better catch. She jumped up and began to pace the floor. No, Gavin would never do a thing like that. He had too much integrity to have an affair with the wife of the man for whom he was working. He must have gone to Helen to plead for Mike. Yet this was incredible too. For Mike loved Jane, who was having his child. Sara stopped walking and her skirts swayed around her as she put her hands to her head and tried to see some truth in a situation that was growing ever darker. Who was telling the truth and who was lying? Why should Gavin try to implicate his brother-in-law if it were not the truth? Or was he so determined to marry her that he was willing to make Mike the scapegoat? And what would prompt Mike to go along with such a fabrication? Yet men frequently lied for one another, and if Mike knew it was important for Gavin to make a rich marriage… Yes, she thought wearily, Mike could well be induced to pretend that he had been Helen's lover, for he knew Sara would never disclose it to Jane. Tears poured down her cheeks, their flow increasing until her body was racked with sobs. sobs. Not since her mother had died had Sara cried with such abandon, for in in its own way the loss of Gavin was comparable, bringing with it the end of youth and the knowledge that she had closed a chapter that could never be reopened. Sara lay l ay wakeful as the Embassy Embassy settled into sleep. At one o'clock o'clock the guests departed, their cars purring away into the night like well-fed jungle cats. She heard Helen Hel en speaking and wondered what excuse her stepmother had made for her own absence, for her father had not come in search of her nor sent a servant to see why she had not returned to the ballroom. But she was beyond caring what excuses had been made, made, too emotionally distraught to spare a thought for anyone's feelings except her own. By two o'clock the only sound heard was the sighing of the wind in the trees outside her room and the quick pounding of her heart, each beat saying Gavin's name. Her scene with him lay vivid in front of her eyes, and though she told herself her self that time ti me would lessen its impact impact she was only conscious of the agony she was suffering at the moment. How quickly the future could change: one moment a bubble of happiness, the next black and heavy with despair. despair. What a fine line existed between heaven and hell, and how easily one could cross it. She buried her head in her pillow and wept. "Wake up, Sara, I want to talk to you."
Sara's lids fluttered and she frowned. "Don't lie there pretending to be asleep," the voice said. "I know very well you're awake." Sara stirred stir red as Helen's sharp tones penetrated her consciousness consciousness and she struggled into a sitting sitti ng position and looked at her h er stepmother standing beside the bed. "I want to talk to you about last night," Helen said as Sara's eyes opened. opened. "There's nothing nothin g more to say," Sara whispered, and remembered remembered she had said exactly the same words to Gavin, who had taken no notice of them, as Helen was doing now. "I tried to talk to you last night," her stepmother went on, "but you'd locked your door and I couldn't get in." "How did you get in now?" n ow?" "One of the maids has a key." The tall thin figure, soignée in a scarlet housecoat, perched on the edge of the bed. "I'm "I'm sorry you overheard overhear d my conversation with Gavin lust night." "I'm "I'm sure you are!" ar e!" "And I want to know what you're going to do about it." "Do about about it?" i t?" echoed Sara. "Don't play the innocent with me!" Helen leaned forward. "Are you going to tell your father or not?" Sara gave a deep sigh. That was why Helen was there. Not out of compunction for shattering her stepdaughter's dreams or guilt at cuckolding her husband, but for fear that having been found out, she might be forced to give up a life which, though she found it tedious and boring, she was still determined to have. 'I'm 'I'm not going to tell my father anythin any thing," g," Sara said slowly. slowly. "Not because I care about you but because he - he married you and - and he must still love you." "I'm "I'm sure he h e does," Helen said complacently, complacently, "but I wasn't sure if you had the
good sense sense to realise r ealise it i t and act accordingly." "I'm "I'm full of good sense," sense," Sara said bitterly. "That's what they used to call me at school. Sensible Sara!" Her voice broke and she turned her head quickly to hide her tears. "There's no need to be tragic tr agic about about it," Helen Hel en muttered. mutter ed. "As long as your father doesn't know the truth, the whole thing will blow over." "Just like that," Sara choked. "Aren't you even sorry? Don't you feel any guilt?" "No, I don't. So you can stop looking at me with that tight little face of yours 1 What gives you the right to judge me? You know nothing of life. You weren't born with a silver spoon in your mouth - you had a whole canteen of cutlery!" "What does that have to do with your being unfaithful?" "It has everything to do with it! I know you condemn me for marrying your father without loving him, but that's because you don't know what it's like to be poor." "All the more reason for you not to throw away something of value." "I'm "I'm not planning planni ng to throw thr ow it away. So far I've been able to have h ave my cake and eat it too." "Somebody "Somebody else's cake!" cake!" Sara burst bur st out. "You weren't satisfied with your own!" Helen's hard har d face creased into a mirthless mir thless smile. "My own cake wasn't nourishing enough. If you weren't such a child, you'd know that for yourself." "You're despicable!" Still smiling, Helen stood up. "It's a pity you couldn't have seen your face when you came into my room and saw Gavin. You looked as if your doll had been taken away! Still, he'll come along and pick you up and kiss you better." "Do you think I'll let him!" Sara cried, furious that Helen should talk down to her this way. "It would make make things thi ngs easy for you if i f I did, wouldn't wouldn't it? There'd be no problem for you in seeing him then." For an instant Helen looked astonished, then she regained control of herself. "You're quite spirited behind that docile exterior, Sara. If you could grow up a
bit, we might even become become friends frien ds." ." "I could could never ne ver be friends fr iends with you." Sara S ara almost choked on the words. "The very sight of you revolts me!" "You'll have to learn to cope with it." "Never. I'm leaving Paris." "Don't be foolish. We'll be here another six months." "I'm going to London - today." "Your father won't let you stay there alone." "I'll stay with Aunt Grace." Sara jumped out of bed on the side furthest from Helen. "I told you I wouldn't tell my father about you - about you and Gavin, but I can't stay here her e and condone it. i t. It's best best if I leave." l eave." Helen frowned. "When are you going?" "I've told you. Today." "Will you see Gavin before you leave?" Despite Despite the th e studied casualne casualness ss with with which Helen spoke, spoke, Sura Sur a sensed her tenseness. "I never want to see Gavin Gavi n again," she affirmed. affir med. "He's "He's all yours." your s." "You're a silly girl, Sara." "Because I despise someone who is dishonest?" "Because you set yourself up in judgement over others. No person should do that." Helen put her head on one side, her expression strangely pensive. "It's odd really. Both you and your father are lousy judges of character when it comes to falling in love." "Get out!" Sara said raggedly. "Get out before I change my mind mind and tell tel l my father what you are!" "You won't do that," Helen said, and went compos composedly edly from the th e room. r oom. Sara waited till the door closed, then she went to the wardrobe and started to take out her clothes. Thank goodness she had Aunt Grace. She would stay with her until she had decided what to do with her future. It wouldn't hold
Gavin. Of that she was sure. Irrevocably, heart-achingly sure.
CHAPTER SEVEN Sara paused halfway down Threadneedle Street Str eet and debated whether whether to go back to Mayfair by subway or try to get a taxi. She was still considering this when a taxi stopped in front of her to deposit a fare, and feeling the Fates were smiling at her, she climbed in and gave the driver her address. She slipped one foot out of her shoe and slowly rubbed her instep. It had been a long day and she was tired from fr om standing standing and talking. talki ng. Still, Stil l, once she began her new job as interpreter at the United Nations she would be in for a lot more talking and standing. She slipped her shoe on and stared unseeingly through the window, a tall, slender girl with luminous grey eyes that looked too big only because the face in which they were set was too hollowed beneath the cheekbones. The fragility made the face even more beautiful, with its full red mouth and clear peaches-and-c peaches-and-cream ream complexion complexion.. The toffee-gold hai hairr of yesteryear was still the same colour, but no longer worn loose. Instead it was smoothed smoothed back back from the high forehead for ehead and waved gently gently behind pearl-studded ears before being confined in a smooth chignon low on the nape of her graceful neck. Everything about Sara today was a picture of such ethereal sophistication that her father, on the rare occasions when he came to London and saw her, expressed his fear for her well-being. Since the night she had precipitately left Paris he had known that something significant had happened to her, but he respected her privacy too much to question her, though she was sure he guessed that her departure had been due to Gavin. But Sara had refused to talk about it and even when Helen had finally left her father, she still said nothing to him of that fateful night. There was no point in re-awakening painful memories if they could never be replaced by happier ones, and for this reason she followed the British axiom of letting lettin g sleeping dogs dogs lie. The trouble was that occasionally occasionally the dogs stirr stirred ed - as they were doing now - re-awakening her to the pains of her first love. Her first and only love. In the four years that had elapsed since she had last seen Gavin, no other man had meant anything to her. Sometimes she wondered if any man ever would. Perhaps the emotion he had aroused in her had been only romantic illusion. "Is it all right if I stop at the corner?" the cab driver broke into her thoughts. "It's "It's a one-way street and otherwise other wise - " "It's "It's fine for you to leave l eave me here," her e," she smiled, and paying paying him, hi m, walked walked the ten yards to the block where she lived.
Her apartment was on the top floor and was as elegant as Sara herself, and equally soulless, she thought ruefully, as she took off the jacket of her expensive suit and pressed her fingers against temples that were beginning to ache. A drink was called for to wash away her self-pity. She turned to the decanter and saw the pile of letters that her daily maid had left for her on the table. The top one was franked "Balinda", where Aunt Grace was living. It was the first letter she had received since her father had flown there a month ago, and she hoped it contained the news she had wanted to hear ever since he and Helen had separated two years ago. "I'm going out to ask Grace if she'll marry me when I'm free," her father had told her the night before he left London. "Logically I should wait until my divorce, but if Helen remains adamant about not giving me one, I'll have to wait five years ye ars before I can get it myself, and I'm determined determined not n ot to let Grace go out of my life again." Sara had come closer than at any time to telling him the truth about Gavin and Helen, and only the knowledge that he could not use this to get his freedom had kept her quiet. qui et. However, it had prompted prompted her to suggest suggest he have h ave Helen watched. watched. "That's such such a sordid thing thi ng to do," her father had protested. "Divorce usually is sordid. Anyway, if it would help you get your freedom…" "You're right," ri ght," he said. "If "If Grace Gr ace agrees to marr marry y me I'll engage a detective agency to watch watch Helen." Hele n." Only then had h ad Sara casually asked for news ne ws of the Embassy Embassy staff. "Why not come over to Paris and see them for yourself?" her father had suggested. suggested. "I didn't didn't expect you to come come when Helen was living livin g with me - I know you never liked her - but she's been gone a long time and you still haven't been to stay." "I see you in London instead," Sara pointed out. "That's not the same." He had looked thoughtful. "When I come come back from the South Seas we must have a little chat. You're my only child, Sara, and it's time you presented me with some some grandchildren." "Wouldn't you like me to present you with a husband first?" she had laughed.
"Anyone in mind?" She shook her h er head. h ead. "I must must be hard to please." "Not still carrying the torch for Gavin?" It was nearly four years since her father had mentioned him, and he had only done so because Gavin had asked to be relieved of his pott. "I hardly remem r emember ber him," hi m," she she lied, l ied, "though I do remember remember his h is sister Jane." It had been a clever answer, for it fooled her father into ihinking she was speaking the truth, and he had gone on to talk of Jane and Mike and their delightful twins. "Mike has been posted to Nairobi," he had h ad concluded, concluded, "and doing doing extremely extr emely well there." "And Gavin?" Sara had said carefully, knowing that unless she forced herself to refer to him a doubt would always remain in her father's mind. "Doing extremely well. One day he'll end up in Washington." "He always was ambitiou ambitious," s," she she murmured, murmur ed, and knew her reply caused her father to give her an unusually penetrating glance, but he changed the subject and did not refer to Gavin again. Sometimes she she regretted r egretted not knowing knowin g where he was or or what he h e was doing, doing, and she wished she knew if he was seeing Helen again, now that her marriage was over. The letter she was holding slipped from her hand and she bent to pick it up, anxious to stop thinking of the past. But the contents of the letter kept it alive in her mind, for it was this same past that was making Aunt Grace hesitate about accepting accepting Sir S ir William's Will iam's proposal. proposal. "He says Helen no longer means anything to him, but I'm not sure if I believe him. I was very distressed when he married Helen and it took me a long while to make another life for myself. But I have made a life now and I'm reluctant to disrupt it unless I can be sure I'm doing the right thing. I would like to talk things over with you, Sara. Your father says you're taking a holiday before going to your new position, and I hope you'll come out to Balin B alinda da and see me. me. Sara put down the letter and knew she had to go and see Grace. Only some blunt truths about the sort of person Helen was would convince Grace she had
nothing to fear from her. She went to her desk and leafed through her diary. She had six weeks free before going to New York, and this would give her ample time to fly to Balinda for a holiday. It was not a place she would normally choose, for in the last four years she had shunned quietude and spent her leisure in as much activity as possible. But for the moment her own inclinations were unimportant. Her father's happiness was at stake and she must do all she could to help him. If only he had married Grace in the beginning I Then Gavin would never have met Helen and her own life would not be in ruins. She frowned and shook her head. It was as well she had discovered discovered the sort of man he was. It would have been far worse to have married him and then found out. With a sigh she picked up Grace's letter. She must stop thinking of Gavin. It was four years since she had h ad seen him and he had probably probably changed as much as she had. He might even be married with a family. She must start to think of marriage too and not regard her career as the be-all and end-all of her existence. Picking up the telephone, she dialled British Airways to book a flight to Balinda. Sara made herself more comfortable comfortable on the bamboo bamboo chair and looked out from fr om the terrace to the wide curving beach that lay beyond the lush green garden. The island was far prettier than she had imagined it would be, with a bustling town and harbour and a small but sophisticated colony of English, French and Australians. "Soon there'll ther e'll be Americans Ameri cans too," Grace Rickards had said said as she had driven Sara from the airport and pointed out the bright new hotel bordering the north shore. "That's the first of the Graham Hotel chain. They're putting up another one on the other side of the island too." "So much for your quiet life," Sara had laughed. "You'll have to go and live in Paris if you want a bit of solitude!" Sara thought of this as Grace came out from the living- room and settled herself on a nearby chair. She was in her late forties, as tall as Sara though not so slim, with grey- flecked hair and a serious face unmarked by lines. She supplemented a small private income by writing cookery hooks and in the last few years had achieved a notable success. success. It was this that Sara Sar a spoke about in the hope that it would lead to a more intimate discussion of the future. "How do you test all your recipes living on this island? Your last book, if I
remember rightly, was called "Breakfasts Round the World." "I do take trips away from here," came the smiling answer. "This year I've already spent a week in New York, a week in Sydney and ten days in Japan, promoting one of my books." "No wonder you're not sure you want to marry my father!" "You know that isn't the reason." "Yes," "Yes," Sara murmured. mur mured. "That's why I came came here. her e. He does love you, you know. Helen means nothing to him." "He married her," said Grace dryly. "That might have been your fault," Sara said candidly. "You never gave him any encouragement." "How could could I? I lived in i n his h is house and I was taking care of you!" "Then you can't blame him for being put off by your attitude," Sara gave a sly smile. "Wouldn't you like to have me as a daughter?" "I think of you as one already. Which reminds me, are you single because you've never fallen in love, or have you become a career girl?" "I'll "I'll get married when I meet the th e right ri ght man. That's why why I'm going going to New York," Sara fibbed fi bbed.. "I should get a super choice there." ther e." "Dreary politicians and statisticians I Surely you can do better than that? We have a new and handsome Governor on Balinda," Grace Rickards continued casually. "I thought your father might have mentioned it when he dined with you." "He was too busy busy talking talkin g about you. Anyway, I'm not interested in being a diplomat's wife. It isn't my idea of fun." "Yet you're advocating it for me!" "That's different," Sara said hastily. Grace Rickards Ri ckards chuckled chuckled and lit li t a cigarette. "I hope you've brought lots l ots of pretty clothes with you? We're a very social lot out here."
"I thought I was going going to have a restful holiday." holi day." "At your age? You should be having fun!" "I'm quite happy to be with you." "Then I hope you'll come with me to a party tonight. It's at the Governor's house. Unless you're tired after your flight?" "Not at all. all . I'd love to go." "Women here only think of their clothes," Aunt Grace said. "Changing their dresses and swapping their husbands!" "Sounds fun." Sara laughed at the shocked expression her remark caused, and though she had not meant it, she thought about it as she changed later that evening. evenin g. How many many married marri ed couples remained happy happy after they had h ad been together several years? How many were fortunate enough to know the deep satisfaction of undying love? Certainly she no longer believed in it, and was prepared to settle for friendship and mutual interests. When she went back into the living-room Grace Rickards was already waiting for her, and gave an exclamation of pleasure. "How beautiful you look, Sara. You make me feel a real country bumpkin." "I'm not too dressed up, am I?" Sara asked, glancing down at the hyacinth blue crepe that moulded her body like a second skin. "I grant you it doesn't leave much to the imagination," Grace said drily, "but if I had a figure like yours I would also show it off." "You're making me feel self-conscious." self-conscious." "Why shouldn't you be self-conscious? There's no point being unaware of your assets." "Nor making everyone else aware of them either?" Sara queried. "You'll certainly do that. The men will have their eyes out on stalks when they see you!" Sara laughed and followed the older woman to the car. She wore no covering on her shoulders, for the tropical night was as warm as the day. In the
distance came the sound of surf beating against the rocks that were an everpresent feature of the shore, while high above her a faint breeze stirred the heads of the palm trees. The brilliant colours which sunshine picked out were muted now into differing shades of grey, and only gave indication of their colour as they were picked out in the headlights of the car which Grace Rickards drove with surprising surpri sing speed along along the bumpy bumpy road that skirted skir ted the beach beach and wound in i n a gentle gentl e semi-circle towards the town of Pango. Here the streets were well lit, the houses a curious mixture of French colonial and Victorian with lots of black wrought iron and many narrow windows, all of them shuttered. The streets were narrow and twisting, except for the main thoroughfare, thoroughfar e, which was wide and modern, modern, as were the shops. shops. "There's Government Govern ment House," Grace said, and Sara was enchanted by the twostorey white building with its graceful pillars lining the fa$ade and the shallow steps that led up to a hand-carved door. The car turned through black and gold gates, guarded on either side by a white-coated sentr sentry, y, and parked beside beside a host of others other s to the left l eft of the house. Two more sentries stood by the front door and Sara followed Aunt Grace into an oblong hall, from one side of which rose a spectacularly graceful staircase. Facing them an archway led to a terrace, and it was here where the party was being held. This terrace overlooked a wide lawn lit by floodlights to show a thick carpet of grass interspersed by vividly coloured colour ed flower beds with with narrow gravelled paths sinking between them. Here and there vast clumps of bushes lent shade to the day and mystery to the night. The terrace itself was brimming with people and the noise was like that of the parrot house, as were the clothes of the women. Sara immediately immediately experienced experien ced a sensation of boredom. It It was a long time ti me since she had allowed herself to be inveigled into attending a diplomatic party; listening to the inane prattle she knew why. But Aunt Grace was already being drawn into a crowd of people and Sara, with a slight shake of her head, pretended she was going in search of a drink. If luck were with her she might find herself a secluded spot somewhere, where she could sit out the next couple of hours. "Are you real, or have I conjured you up out of a fevered imagination?" A drawling American voice made her swing round In see a fair-haired man of medium height watching her. "I'm "I'm Andy Graham." Gr aham." He extended a hand han d and gripped hers.
"Sara Claremont," she answered, and tried to pull her hand away. "I'm not letting you go," he said. "Where were you sneaking off to?" "Just to get myself myself a drink." dri nk." "At the Governor's parties the drinks come to Mahomet," the young man grinned, and pointed to a darken lined waiter bearing down on them with a tray of drinks. It was champag champagne, ne, cold and delicious, and Sara S ara sipped it appreciativel appreciatively. y. The Governor, Govern or, whoever he was, did his guests proud, proud, no non-vintage n on-vintage champagne champagne for him! "I haven't seen you on the island before," the young man continued. "I only arrived today." "How long are you staying?" "Would you like my itinerary?" asked Sara dryly. "Sure, then I can plan mine around it!" He grinned. "Which hotel are you staying at?" Sara hesitated, annoyed by his curiosity. "I'm living with a relation," she murmured. "Mrs. Rickards Ri ckards." ." "Grace," he said at once. "We're hoping she'll work for us." "Oh, really?" Sara enquired. "Our group. We thought it would be a good idea for her to give cookery demonstrations in our hotels." "I'm "I'm afraid I don't know what you're you 're talking talki ng about." He looked surprised. sur prised. "I guess guess my name didn't mean anything anythi ng to you. you . It's Andy Graham," he repeated. "Graham Hotels - that's my father." "I see." Sara gave him a longer look, but he still remained a nice-looking but obvious man in his late twenties. "Don't you think thi nk it's i t's a good idea?" idea?" he added. added. "Perhaps you can persuade Grace Gr ace to sign up with us. We've extended our chain of hotels around all the islands.
At least she won't have to leave her beloved Pacific." Sara forbore to tell him that Grace Rickards would soon be leaving it entirely. "I wouldn't have thought your guests would be interested in cookery demonstrations," she commented. "Our guests are interested in anything that fills their time. When you take a Graham Holiday we guarantee to keep you entertained twenty-four hours a day." "What a frightful thought!" He looked wry. "I guess it would be frightful to someone like you. you . I can't imagine you ever having to worry about filling in your time. All the males from miles around aroun d must beat beat a path to your door." "They beat a retreat too!" "I can can believe beli eve that," he smiled. smiled. "You have a distinctly frigid fri gid look. Not that I'm going to let it put me off." He waved to a passing waiter and replenished their champagne. champagne. "It will will take more than an icy stare to t o keep me at bay. Tell me, Sara, what do you do when you aren't on this island, or is your life one great big holiday?" "One great big holiday," hol iday," she mimicked, mimicked, "which means I do as I like. And An d right now I'd like to be alone." She went to move past him, but he blocked her path. "You can't walk out on me now," he protested. "Why not?" "Because you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen and I want to get to know you. If you aren't doing anything tonight will you let me take you out to dinner?" "I came came here he re with Mrs. Rickards." "Then we'll take her too." He grinned as he saw her surprise. "I know when I'm beaten, Sara. You have a Iove-me-love-my-aunt Iove-me-love-my-aunt look, l ook, so that's what I'm prepared to do." It was impos impossible sible for Sara Sar a not to laugh, l augh, and once she did, it made her realise r ealise how tense she had been until this moment. She did not know why and assumed it to be reaction from the long journey and the time change to which
her body had not yet become attuned. Behind her there was a momentary lull in the conversation and when it resumed again it was higher and gayer. With ears used to recognising what this change of party pitch meant, Sara knew that the Governor was working his way from group to group. She glanced over her shoulder and though she could not see him she was able to pinpoint his whereabouts from the cluster of people at the foot of the terrace. He must be making his way across the lawn. "Do you live on Balinda?" she asked, turning back to Andy Graham. "Only while I'm supervising the completion of our hotel." "How many many do you have?" h ave?" "A hundred and four." "That's a vast business." "With vast headaches. But it's exciting!" "It isn't the sort of job I would like li ke to do," she said. "A beautiful girl like you doesn't have to do anything. It's enough for you just to be decorative." "Like a picture on a wall?" "Like a bouquet of flowers," he replied, r eplied, "whose "whose fragrance should shoul d be breathed, whose beauty should be admired." "Flowers fade, Mr. Graham. Gr aham. You must change change the metaphor." metaphor." "I'll work on it over dinner," he smiled. "I take it you and your aunt will be my guests?" "I don't think so. I only arrived on the island a few hours ago and I'm tired." "If you look like this when you're tired, I can't wait to see you when you're firing on all cylinders." His eyes looked over her shoulder. "Talking of fire, you're in the direct line of it. His Excellency is coming this way." "Oh dear," she said, dismayed dismayed.. "Is there any an y chance of avoiding avoi ding him?" "No female ever wants to avoid the handsome Governor."
"This one wishes she could," Sara retorted, and turned her head to see the man who represented the Queen on this tropical island. As she scanned the nearest group of people they divided deferentially to allow the tall figure of a man to come through. Skin tanned to the colour of teak, hair like black velvet and eyes like bright blue sapphires, their glint sharpening as they stared into Sara's wide-apart grey ones. Oh no, n o, she thought desperately, this thi s can't be be happening to me. It can't be Gavin! But it was happening, and it was Gavin who, without cessation in his stride, came came imperturbab impertur bably ly towards her. her . "Hello, Sara," he said laconically. "This is a surprise." "For me too." "You know each other, then?" said Andy Graham. "I was at the Paris Embassy with Sir William Claremont." "My father," Sara Sar a explained to Andy, A ndy, who was looking bemused. bemused. "But it was a long time ago." She gave Gavin a cool glance. "How long have you been Governor here?" "Six months. I thought your father might have mentioned it." She shook her head, finding it difficult to speak, conscious only of his nearness and the fact that he was exactly as he had imagined him. hi m. It It was not schoolgirl fantasising that had given him the looks of a dark Greek god. From the vantage point of twenty-two years — the last four of which had been spent in a predominantly masculine society - he h e was still the most most handsome man man Sara Sar a had ever seen. She clenched her hands and her nails dug sharply into her palms. palms. She must stop stop standing here like l ike a dumb fool. fool. Yet she could find fin d nothing to say; could think of nothing except that Gavin was in front of her, looking at her with sardonic Indifference. "We'll have to talk again later when I'm not so busy," he murmured, then with a nod moved to the next group. "I'm "I'm glad my my fears were in i n vain," vain ," Andy Graham Gr aham said. With an effort Sara forced herself to concentrate on him. "What do you mean
by in vain?" "I thought you were bound to fall for him — the way most of the women seem to do — when all the time you've known him for years." "Years," she she echoed, and gave him a wide blind smile from fr om eyes that were still dazzled by blue ones. "I'd like to change my mind about that invitation to dinner — if it's still open." For an instant he was nonplussed, then he grinned. "You bet it is! If you'll excuse me a moment I'll call and book a table." "In your own hotel?" "Heck, I'm I'm not taking you there. t here. You deserve the best!" She laughed and, as the young American moved off to telephone, looked around for somewhere somewhere to hide herself. her self. There was a clump of bushes some some few yards away, but as she moved towards towards them she saw Gavin watchin watching g her. Abruptly she turned in the direction of the buffet. She was darned if she would let him think she wanted to hide! To do so would indicate how shattered she was by their meeting. Head high, she reached the buffet and filled a plate with canapés. canapés. Then with another glass of champag champagne ne in i n her he r hand h and she wended her way towards a table. Several Sever al people were watching her, her , but she was used to being stared at, and it gave added sparkle sparkle to her h er eyes and a spring sprin g to her step, making the fluid lines of her skirt sway around her as she glided - tall and graceful - over the grass, her hair a coronet of toffee-gold around her head. She reached a table and put down her plate. Her behaviour of the last few moments had shown she was in command of herself, but this was as far as she could go. To eat the food she had collected was was asking too much of her. All A ll she could do was to sip the champagne, champagne, even though she was already feeling feel ing slightly heady. "Don't you think it would be wiser to eat something?" an incisive voice asked, and without moving her head she knew it was Gavin. "I'm "I'm used to drinking," drinkin g," she she replied. r eplied. "You never used to be." "You're talking talkin g about a long time ago." "Four years three thr ee months and six days." The The voice voi ce was deeper. deeper.
"You make it sound like shopping shopping days to Christmas Chr istmas!" !" "I'm "I'm glad you find fin d it amusing, Sara." Sar a." "I wouldn't call call it amusing," she said lightly. "Morbid is i s a far more apt way to describe describe it. The best way of coping coping with unpleasant memories is to forget them, not count them." "And if one can't forget?" he said harshly. "What then?" "I wouldn't know." She shrugged and lifted her glass. But here her effort at pretence played her false, for her hand was shaking and the glass wobbled wobbled until a lean, long-fingered hand reached out and took it from her. "You aren't as unmoved un moved as you pretend," he remarked. "Of course I'm not unmoved." Seeing him watching her with the intensity of a camera lens, she knew that the only way to prevent him guessing her turmoil was to admit some part of the truth. "Do you think I like remembering how foolish and childish chil dish I was all all those years ago?" "Foolish maybe," he replied, repli ed, "but "but I wouldn't have called call ed you childish." He came a step closer and though she was lull, he towered above her. If the four years since they had last met had given her sophistication, they had given him Infinitely Infinite ly more. Sophistication he had always had, but to this thi s was added added authority authori ty and command. command. "I must talk to you alone," he said firmly. "We are alone." "You know what I mean. I can't can't make it tonight, toni ght, but - " "That's fortunate," she interrupted, "because I'm having dinner with Andy." "You know him well?" "Not yet, but I soon will." The blue eyes narrowed narr owed.. "I assume assume you're staying stayin g with Miss Rickards? I'll I'll call on you there tomorrow morning. As near to noon as I can." "I can't think why you want to come and see me, Gavin. We have nothing to talk about."
"I think we have. Until tomorrow, Sara." With a lift of his hand, he turned and left her.
CHAPTER EIGHT "You might at least have told me that Gavin Baxter was Governor of the island," were Sara's first words to Grace when they drove home after having had dinner with Andy. An dy. "I didn't didn't think thi nk it i t was important." important." "But surely you remembered that I was in Paris when he was there?" "You were at the th e Paris Emb E mbass assy y with lots l ots of men," Grace Rickards responded. responded. "Aren't you making a mountain out of a molehill - or was there something special special between you and Gavin Gavi n that th at I don't know about?" about?" On the verge of telling the older woman the truth, Sara stopped herself. It smacked of disloyalty to her father to disclose Helen's infidelity, particularly to the woman he wanted to marry. Besides, even her father did not know Gavin had been Helen's lover, and to tell Grace and swear her to secrecy would give importance to a sordid business that was best forgotten. "You haven't answered my question," Grace said. "Was Gavin imp i mportant ortant to you?" "I only knew kne w him socially," Sara lied. l ied. "He took me out a few times." "Then why all the fuss because I didn't tell you he was here?" The question was valid, but since her answer couldn't be, Sara remained silent. She could understand why Grace hadn't mentioned that Gavin was here, but it was difficult to know why her father had not told her. Or had he thought she would not have come to see Grace if she had known? "You can see why all the matchmaking mamas mamas have been having havi ng a fit since sin ce Gavin arrived on the island," Grace was speaking again. "I give him six months before somebody somebody succeeds succeeds in snaring him." Sara was pricked into replying. "Considering he's remained a bachelor for so long, I can't see him falling for any of the wide-eyed ingénues who were fluttering round him tonight." "So you noticed, n oticed, did did you?" "I would have had to be blind not to. Anyway, young innocents aren't his
type." "I thought you said he took you out in Paris? And four years ago you must have been pretty wet behind the ears!" "I was the daughter of the Amb A mbass assador," ador," Sara retorted. r etorted. "I'm sure sure he wouldn't woul dn't have bothered with me otherwise." "We don't only have innocents here," Grace continued. "This island is home to some pretty luscious beauties, and one of them in particular has caught Gavin's eye. You would have seen her tonight except that I heard her plane was late getting in from New York." "Is she she American?" A merican?" Sara said with feigned fei gned disinterest. "Yes. Rich, intelligent intell igent and amusing. She'd make an ideal wife for a diplomat." "She sounds a paragon. How come she's still still husband- hunting?" hunti ng?" "She was widowed a couple couple of years ago." Grace slowed down down preparatory preparator y to turning into the drive leading to her house. "You'll be meeting her yourself while you're here. I think you'll like her." As Sara already hated the sound of her, she thought this unlikely, and then silently congratulated herself for being a better actress than she had imagined. Certainly Grace was completely oblivious that the girl sitting beside her was one quivering mass of nerves. "Care for a nightcap?" Grace asked, getting out of the car. "Just my sleep," sleep," Sara smiled. "Jet lag is catching up on me." She feigned a yawn. "I'll be glad to get to bed." "Lie in as long as you want in the morning, and just ring for breakfast when you wake up." "I'm "I'm not used to breakfast in bed. I've been been a working worki ng girl for a year." year ." "You aren't working at the moment, so just laze round and take it easy. You look all eyes and brittle bones." The The car was parked and the two women went into the house. In the morning Sara was awakened by the sound of surf pounding on the beach beach outside her h er window win dow,, and throwing throwin g back back the single coverlet she padded padded
over to look out. A sharp breeze was blowing and it was this that was making the sea rough, though the sky was still bright blue and cloudless and the sun was a white-gold disc in the east. Her watch said nine o'clock, which gave her a couple of hours before Andy came to collect her. During a brief moment alone with him last night, when Grace had gone to the cloakroom, she had let him know she was free for lunch the following day and he had immediately responded by inviting her to have it with him. She knew Gavin would be furious to arrive and find her absent, but his anger was unimportant compared compared with the th e necessity of retaining retain ing command command over herself, which she knew she would not be able to do if she were forced to have a lengthy discussion with him. Besides, they had nothing to talk about. No matter what time span had elspsed, elspsed, she would never be able to forgive him h im for what he had done. Had it been any woman other than Helen, it might have been different, but she could not forget the bitterness of realising that even while he had professed to love her, he had been making love to her stepmother. Long before Andy An dy was due, due, Sara Sar a was dressed dressed and waiting for him, supple as an ear of corn in a gold silk dress, with with a wide-brimmed wide-brimmed straw hat in cinnamon colour casting casting soft shadows across across her delicately beautiful beautifu l face. "You look like li ke a dream," Andy's comm comment ent was almost almost reverent. rev erent. "And "An d to think thin k I nearly took a plane out of here a couple of days ago!" He caught her hand and squeezed It. "I'm "I'm glad glad you didn't insist on our taking Miss Rickards to lunch lun ch too." "I'm "I'm not as cruel as that," she smiled. smiled. "Anyway, you were extremely kind ki nd to offer to do it last night." "It wasn't wasn't a question of kindness kin dness,, honey, but of necess n ecessity. ity. I knew kn ew you wouldn't come come out with me otherwise!" He led her to his car, a huge white monster with a mass of gleaming chrome which he handled with unexpected ease. But then for all his lack of pretension and casual manner he was a very rich young man and used to the best. "I guess you must have seen a great deal of the world," he commented commented over lunch, "what with your father being an Ambassador." "I would probably have seen more of the world if he hadn't been quite so elevated," she smiled. "Once you're an Ambassador Ambassador you tend ten d to stay in one country for quite a few years."
"Even so, I bet you had an interesting time." "Don't believe all you read in novels," she teased. "Wives and daughters of diplomats often lead very ver y restricted restri cted lives. You're hemmed in by protocol and you're pledged to do good works. works. You also have h ave to be polite poli te to bores!" "Then I take it you'd never want to go back to that sort of life?" "Never 1" she cried, and closing her mind to sapphire blue eyes and thick black hair, forced herself to concentrate on her surroundings and her host. He was improving on acquaintance. Like her he had been born with every advantage, but but it i t had not stopped him from being obliged to work work his h is way up in his father's business. "I had a year's course in accountancy, a couple of years in management management and two years in hotel catering before my father considered me qualified to stand in his shadow!" "Don't tell me you're a resentful son?" she smiled. "Far from it. The old man and I get on extremely well - even though I can't stand his choice in wives." Sara swallowed a too large piece of sorbet and hastily put her napkin to her mouth. Andy grinned at her reaction. "You obviously don't read the gossip columns or you'd know that my old man has been married marri ed five times. ti mes."" "How many many times ti mes have you been married?" marri ed?" "So far I've steered clear. Love 'em and leave 'em is my motto - at least it was until now." He stared at her with frank admiration. "I've fallen for you, Sara, and as far as I'm concerned concerned I would woul d marry you tomorrow." "I'm "I'm flattered!" flatter ed!" "I'm "I'm not kidding. Say the word and I'll I'll get the licence. l icence. We could have a lot l ot of fun together." "I'm "I'm sure we could," she said equably, equably, "but marriage marri age is more than just j ust having havin g fun."
"I know that. But I was deliberately playing it lightly. You're so cool and distant, Sara, that I'm scared of frightening you off. But I have fallen for you, and I'm willing willi ng to wait." "It will be a long wait, then. I have no intention of getting married for years. I want to see much more of the world." "I can show it to you. I'll only be on the island a few more months, then it will be Mexico and Rio and after that Europe." "A veritable Cook's tour!" "I'm "I'm not kidding, ki dding,"" he repeated. "I think we could be happy together." "Do you always make such fast decisions?" decisions?" she temporised, reluctant relu ctant to tell tel l him he left her totally unmoved. "I know when I meet a girl who is unique." His eyes crinkled. "I also know when I'm leaving a girl cold." cold." "I'm sorry, Andy." "Forget it. It won't stop me from trying. And talking about trying, the lovely Lydia has just come in." "Lydia?" Sara was puzz puzzled. led. "The lovely lady who's trying to get the Governor. She's been chasing him for months. Everyone is taking bets on whether or not she'll get him. Personally I think she's got him already." Sara set her spoon carefully on to her plate. "Is that gossip or knowledge?" "A bit of both. She practically lives at Government House and you don't get a man like Gavin Baxter and a woman like Lydia Stacey spending tropical nights together playing gin rummy." Sara longed to turn round and see what the unknown Lydia looked like, and she hoped it was coincidence and not the fact that she had given herself h erself away that made Andy murmur that the woman had seated herself at a table by the window on their left. A slight movement of Sara's toffee-coloured head and the table came into vision. Her heart gave an uncomfortable lurch, for its occupant could have passed for a younger, petite version of Helen.
As if aware that th at she was being scruti scrutinised, nised, the woman immediately immediately pushed back her chair and came over to greet Andy. "I had dinner with your father and his wife while I was in New York. He gave me a pair of cuff links for you. I'll send them to your hotel." She gave Sara a questioning smile and Andy immediately introduced them and, after a momentary hesitation, suggested she join them for lunch. "I wouldn't dream of intruding intrudin g on a'tête-à-tête," Lydia Stacey said. said. "I only came over to tell you about the cuff links." "You won't be intruding," Sara intervened, and without more ado Lydia immediately took the chair Andy proffered, and gave her order to a waiter. As Sara drank dran k several cups of of coffee she was disconcerted disconcerted to find she did not dislike the woman who, apart from her unfortunate resemblance to Helen, did not appear to resemble her in character, being vivacious, humorous and a keen lover of sport. "That's why why I enjoy en joy these the se islands so much," Lydia Lydia explained. explai ned. "If it weren't weren 't for the fear of sharks it would be even more fun. But knowing they are lurking around puts me off deep-sea deep-sea diving." divin g." "The sharks are more likely to be afraid of you," Andy chuckled. "That's what Gavin says." Lydia looked at Sara. "Have you met our Governor yet? He's an absolute dish." "Sara knew him in Paris," Andy said to Sara's annoyance. "Her father is Ambassad Ambassador or there." "Then you know Gavin quite well. Isn't he sensational?" She saw Sara hesitate and laughed merrily. merr ily. "I don't don't mind who knows k nows I'm I'm crazy about him. h im. I've been that way from the minute I set eyes on him." "You're just an uninhibited American heiress I" Andy teased. "Don't you know that Englishmen don't like being chased?" "Englishmen are men, when all's said and done," Lydia retorted, "and there isn't a man born who doesn't respond to flattery. Don't you agree with me?" Dark eyes stared into in to grey and an d Sara half nodd n odded. ed. "I suppos suppose e so. I haven't given it much thought." "Then take my word for it i t - Jack, my late husband, was the most hard-headed
guy you could have met, but if you flattered him he was putty in your hands." "Like the Governor is in yours?" Andy Andy ventured. "Unfortunately not." Lydia gave a dramatic sigh, though her smile robbed it of meaning. "But then he's different from any man I've known." Reluctant to continue listening to eulogies about a man she was trying to forget, Sara gave Andy a hard look. Correctly interpreting it, he signalled for the bill. "Can I drop you anywhere?" he asked Lydia as they stood on the steps of the restaurant a few moments later. "No, thanks, I'm going to the Governor's residence for tea. It sounds frightfully Victorian and la-de-da, doesn't it? Makes me think of silver tea-kettles and maids in starched aprons and caps!" caps!" She grinned grinn ed at Sara. "I hope to see something of you while you're here. I'll invite you to one of my parties." Sara smiled and nodded, though she knew that nothing would induce her to visit any place where she might encounter Gavin. "She's nice, isn't she?" Andy commented commented as they left l eft Pango behind and drove along the coast coast road. r oad. "Very. I can see why everyone is speculating about her and - Gavin." "She'd improve him hi m no end. He needs a bit of warming warmin g up'. Sometimes I get get the impression that he hates having to make small talk and that he's bored by everything going on around him." "If he is he should know better than to show it." "He doesn't doesn't show it to the th e islanders," Andy admitted. "He's "He's very popular with the ordinary local people. It's only with some of the British colony and us rich foreigners foreigner s that he's a bit stand-offish." "That means he's a good Governor," Sara assured him. "After all, he is here for the islanders, not for people like you." "Ouch!" Andy rubbed r ubbed an imaginar imaginary y wound in his chest. "Let's change change the subject and talk of our future!" "I would rather you told me about the island."
He proceeded to do do so and was still still talking talkin g about it when they th ey reached re ached the small small but pretty bungalow where Grace Rickards Ri ckards lived. "Can I see you tonight?" he asked. "I don't think so. I don't want to leave Aunt Grace alone. After all, I came here to spend my holiday with her." "Tomorrow, "Tomorrow, then?" then ?" "May I call you?" asked Sara. "Don't forget," he pleaded, "and make it dinner in preference to lunch. Then I can spend more more time ti me with you." He climbed out of the car, but she did not ask him to come in, and waved to him from the front door before going through the house to the verandah beyond. Grace Rickards was relaxing in a chaise-longue and she gave Sara a distinctly dry look. "Enjoy your lunch?" "Very much?" "No qualms of conscience?" "About what?" "About Gavin driving out to see you. He came on the dot of twelve-thirty. You knew, of course." Sara stared down at her feet. "I didn't didn't ask him to come, nor did I promise to be here if he did." "But you knew he was coming to see you, and he is the Governor." "Spare me that I It wasn't in his hi s official capacity capacity that th at lie came came to see me." "Oh, really. Why did he come, then?" Sara clenched her hands. By her own stupidity she had invited this question and there was no way she could avoid answering it. Quickly she searched for a plausible reply. "Probab "Pr obably ly to talk tal k over old times or - because I'm I'm my father's daughter. Gavin is ambitious and - "
"What has that to do with it?" "My father has the ear of a lot of people in Whitehall," Sara said evenly. "That's just the sort of thing I could hear Helen saying!" Grace snorted. "She always believed there was an ulterior motive behind everyone's behaviour." "That's not a bad premise by which to live." l ive." "You can't mean that - and you certainly can't think it about Gavin. He would never let anyone help him. He doesn't need it either." "Must we go on talking talkin g about him?" Sara jump ju mped ed to her feet. "I'm "I'm going to change and go for a swim. Care to join me?" Grace shook her head and waited till Sara was halfway into the sitting-room before she called her back. "Don't you want to know if Gavin left any message?" Sara looked round with studied indifference. "Did he?" "No." No matter how many times during the rest of the day Sara told herself she was glad she had not seen Gavin, she could not genuinely believe it, and the more she thought of the way she had behaved that morning the more angry she became with herself. By running away she had made it clear that she did not want to see him; a fact which he was intelligent enough to see as a fear of him. What price her pretended indifference to him of last night I Had she acted with logic she would have seen him today and been politely friendly. She should have given him a drink and chatted about the past as if it no longer mattered to her, instead of which she had run away, thereby repeating her behaviour of four years ago. She toyed with the idea of telephoning him and apologising for having gone out, then decided decided this would look as if she was worri worried. ed. It was was better to apologise apologise when she met him again. Somehow she felt it i t would be soon. If it was conscience which made Gavin want to talk to her, then he was the sort of man who would want to get his apology over and an d done with, though what he he could say - other than to continue to lie about what had happened in Paris she could not begin to imagine. At least le ast he had shown sufficient good sense not to make himself available to Helen now that she was free, for it would do his career no good whatever to marry the ex-wife of an Ambassador.
Lydia would be ideal for him, as Andy had rightly said, and it was surprising he had not succumbed succumbed to her obvious affection for him. h im. Was she still at Government Govern ment House? Sara's watch watch showed four o'clock, which surprised her, for she felt as if the afternoon had dragged on and on. The sound of a car on the road made her jerk into an upright position on the sand, and her pulses only settled to a steady beat as it droned on into the distance. Without putting her reaction into words she knew she had assumed it to be Gavin, and irritably she draped her towelling jacket over her shoulders and padded padded over the sand to the th e garden. Grace Gr ace Rickards' was the only house h ouse on this part of the coast, and she knew that she would find it too lonely to live here for months on end. It was a pity Aunt Grace did so, wasting her time writing books when she should have been living her life instead. "That's why I'm here," she muttered. "To make her see that her future lies with my father." As she showered and changed into a clinging clin ging silk jersey jer sey dress, she she felt fel t suddenly lighthearted. She was young and beautiful and in a matter of weeks would be living in a capital city and acting as interpreter to a host of interesting people. She had more money than she wanted as well as beauty and health. Everything to live for, in fact, and it wits stupid not to acknowledge acknowledge this th is and act accordingly. "How about about some champagne champagne to celebrate?" she said, coming coming into the sittingsitti ngroom a little later. "I always keep a bottle on ice when the Claremonts come to call!" Aunt Grace chuckled. "That's one thing thi ng I learned when living with you and your father." "You must have found it quite a wrench to leave the Embassy." "It wasn't the Embassy I minded leaving," Grace said with honesty. "It was you and William." "Then the quicker you go back, back, the better for all concerned." Sara stopped stopped as a servant came in with the champagne champagne and proceeded to open it. Only Onl y when they were alone again and she held a glass in her hand did she speak. "Why not pack up and leave when I do?" "I'll think about it."
"My father made a mistake when he married Helen," Sara said bluntly, "but you can't go on blaming him for it. He paid for his folly and you should be prepared to forget it." "You're perfectly right, r ight, dear. I'm so glad that's your philosop phil osophy, hy, too. So many young people are unforgiving." Sara gave the older woman a penetrating look, for the remark seemed deliberately pointed. Yet Grace did not know about Gavin and Helen, nor about Gavin and herself. Deciding she was being over-sensitive, she sipped her drink and talked of her years at university and her working year in London. At eight-thirty they sat down to dinner. The wind, which had been fresh all day, had died comp completely letely and the air ai r was still and an d warm enough for them th em to dine alfresco. The terrace was lit by candles and the garden illuminated by a crescent moon which turned the landscape into a black and silver etching. Occasionally the narrow road in the distance showed the gleam of car headlights and each time it did, Sara was hard put not to rush from the table, so convinced was was she that Gavin G avin would woul d be calling. "You're very edgy tonight," Grace remarked. "Is anything wrong?" "Of course not." Sara forced herself to relax, but another pair of headlights set her quivering again, and she was glad when dinner ended and they returned to the sitting-room to listen to some music. Only then was she genuinely able to relax, though the ringing of the telephone almost made her jump out of her skin and she listened l istened tensely as Grace Gr ace answered answered it. It was someone someone on a local charity committee, and she leaned back in her chair and hoped her agitation had not been noticed. Ten o'clock came and went, but not until the clock chimed eleven did Sara allow herself the final relief of admitting that Gavin was not going to come tonight. Perhaps her behaviour this morning had made him realise it might be better to allow al low the past to remain past. past. Indeed if Lydia had been at the cocktail cocktail party last night he might not even have suggested seeing her again. "I'm going to bed," Grace announced. "But you stay up if you like and listen to some more music. It won't disturb me." "I might go for a walk along the th e beach. It's safe, safe, isn't it?" "Perfectly." The older woman woman went to the door, hesitated for a moment moment and then went out.
Sara put on another Chopin Nocturne and when it came to an end she wandered over to the piano and ran her hands across the keys. It was in tune, but it lacked tonal quality, which was one of the penances of living in the tropics. Despite Despite this, it was more satisfying to play than to be played to, and she sat down and drifted into the Moonlight Sonata and then a more agitated piece by Prokofiev which fitted her jangling nerves far better. Darn Gavin! Had he been as keen on seeing her as he had professed last night, he would have regarded her absence this morning as a challenge and have come here again tonight. The fact that he hadn't h adn't done done so was a deliberate attempt to show her he was still in control of the situation. He was like a cat playing with a mouse. But he would soon learn that she was not the mouse of four years ago. She was a sophisticated woman in command of herself. Defiantly she raced through one of Liszt's Hungarian Rhapsodies, and when she reached the final crescendo she picked up her mohair stole and went through the garden to the beach.
CHAPTER NINE The shore at night presented an idyllic and romantic scene and lacked only the right man to make it complete. Sara would not have been human had she not felt the sting of tears in her eyes. Angrily she averted her gaze from the shimmering sea and began began to walk across the sand. It had been foolish of her h er to come to Balinda. Even without Gavin's presence this island would have roused the longing to be loved, and with Gavin actually living here, these longings were even more difficult to keep at bay. She quickened her step and soon reached the end en d of the beach where a sharp outcrop of coral acted as a barrier. Because she had left her shoes on the terrace she could not risk climbing it, and instead i nstead she moved down down to the th e water's edge and let the th e soft waves lap her toes. A light l ight breeze, breez e, gentle as a caress, blew against against her body, body, moulding the supple jersey to the rounded swell of her breasts and the long curving line of her thighs. It lifted her hair gently from her face and on an impulse she pulled out the pins that confined it and let it fall free. It fell below her shoulders, as shiny and soft as spun silk. The air played through the strands, lifting them and dropping them playfully. She raised one long slender arm and put it to the tendrils that blew on her forehead. She was standing thus, her body outlined against the silver sea, when Gavin came upon her. It was instinct rather than sound which whi ch told Sara someone was approaching, approaching, and she turned and looked at the tall dark figure walking silently and purposefully towards her. It was impossible impossible for her h er to run run.. Besides, there was nowhere for her to go and she remained motionless as he stopped stopped a couple of feet away from her. As he had done last night, he wore a dinner jacket and a white silk shirt, but because of the moonlight he looked taller and thinner. Graver too, his face no longer showing the sardonic lines she had always associated associated with him, but looking looki ng determined and tense. The eyes held h eld tenseness too, and though the night robbed them of colour it could not dim their watchful watchful shine. "You knew I would come," he said quietly. quietly . "I expected expected it," she said, and knew with a strange stran ge sense of fatality that she had to end this thi s scene. scene. She Sh e could not bear to go on seeing him; hi m; to do so would would make her forget his treachery and this was something she must not let happen. "Say what you have to say, Gavin, and then go," she said quietly.
"Recite my piece and leave you to your peace?'" he questioned. "Will you have any peace if I do, or will you be as tormented as I am?" am?" "Words," she shrugged. "You were always good with words." "So were you. But not only with words!" "I was young and demonstrative," demonstrative," she said lightly, "but you won't make me blush about it today, Gavin. I'm four years older and considerably considerably wiser." "You're still a fool in your judgment of me." "Not that again!" Her voice shook and with an effort she steadied it. "Can't you understand I don't want to talk tal k about what happ h appened?" ened?" "We must talk about it!" "No." "Yes, Sara." He did not touch her, nor did he move, yet she knew that it was hopeless to try and stop him talking. "I'm going to tell you the truth once more," he continued, his voice so deep it was hardly audible against the surf. "And if you don't believe me this time then I'll never repeat it again. But I was never Helen's lover. I could no more have touched her than I could have touched a snake. I went to her room that night to plead for Mike; to beg her to give him back a letter which he had stupidly written to her and which she was threatening to show to Jane." "The letter was yours," Sara stated, "and "and you were scared she would show it to me." "The letter was Mike's," Mike's," he said flatly. "I know you said you wouldn't believe me if I made him come and tell you - that you would think I was getting him to lie for me but it still didn't stop me bringing him hi m back back to the Embassy Embassy the following afternoon. When I found you'd gone I couldn't believe it." He flung out a hand in a blind gesture. "Why didn't you wait, Sara? And why did you ignore all my phone calls to London and send back my letters without opening them?" "Because of Helen," she said shakily. "You're wasting your time, Gavin. She's already told me the truth."
For a long moment he said nothing, and despite the sound of the sighing palms and the surf on the sand, the silence seemed profound. "Are you saying that Helen said it was me - not Mike?" Sara's throat was too constricted constricted to speak and all she could do was nod. "So that's why you ran away," he said. "I never thought —- I never realised she would do a thing thin g like that. I see why you wouldn't see me or speak speak to me." Again she could only nod. "And you believed her, of course," he went on. "Didn't it enter your head that she was lying?" Only then did Sara find her voice. "You still persist in saying that?" "It's the truth," he said heavily. "By everything I hold most dear, it's the truth." She stared at him. The breeze had ruffled his hair and a dark lock had fallen down down over his forehead foreh ead It was was the way she had often dreamed about about him hi m He did not wear his hair as long as when she had first met him, but it was still long enough to lay thick and luxuriant against the nape of his neck There was a faint spattering of grey at his temples wild with poignancy she realised that the four years since she had last seen him had been four years for him too. It was difficult for her to think of him as having suffered mid her throat was thick with tears. "Will you tell me exactly what Helen said, Sara?" Ryes lowered to the beach, she haltingly did so. It did not take long and hearing heari ng the words, the ends of them whipped away away by the wind win d which seemed to have grown slightly in force, it was difficult to believe they had destroyed her life. "And you believed her, of course," Gavin repeated as she lapsed into silence. "If you'd told me about Mike and Helen in the beginning," Sara whispered, "I might have believed you instead." "Do you still think I'm lying?" "I don't don't know. All I'm asking is why didn't you tell tel l me?" "That your stepmother was playing your father for a fool? That three months after marrying him she was making him the laughing stock of Paris? You were
a child, Sara, if I had told you that you would have hated me for it. I was hoping that neither you or Jane need ever know. That's why I wouldn't let Mike come and plead with her. Why I decided to go and talk to her instead." He came came a step closer, looming taller because because she wasn't wearin wearing g any shoes. "I didn't didn't realise reali se Helen was bitch enough to lie to you. If I'd guessed guessed I would would have come come after you. y ou. No one - not even your father - could have prevented me." He gave a deep, shuddering sigh. "As it was, I thought that he had been right in his judgment of you." "Judgment "Judgment of me?" she queried. quer ied. "That you were too young to know your own mind." She was startled. "When did he say that?" "When I told him I was in love with you." Gavin spoke without expression, nor was there any in his face, which all at once was cool and remote. "He suggested suggested you'd gone gone away so hurriedly hur riedly because because my love for you had frightened you. He stressed how young you were, how sheltered your life had been, and said it would be better for me to let you be free, even if I ran the risk of you falling in love with someone else. If I had realised you had gone because of what Helen had said, not even your father would have prevented me from following you. As A s it was, I thought perhaps he was right, and when you kept ignoring my calls and my letters I decided that you'd used our quarrel as a means of escape." Sara moved back back a step. Her heel hee l caught on the hem he m of her dress dr ess and she she lifted her skirts. Her stole had fallen to the sand and she bent and picked it up. It floated in her h er hand h and like a cobweb cobweb and she clutched at it, glad of something to do. She could not assimilate all Gavin had said, for it was opening up a new world where love l ove was renewed and she was strangely strangely and fantastically afraid. afrai d. "Have you nothing to say?" he asked. She swallowed. "If you thought my father was right in asking you to give me time to grow up, don't you think you overplayed your hand by waiting four years? You never once tried trie d to see me. If If I hadn't come come to Balinda Bal inda we wouldn't have met, even now!" "I didn't feel I had any right to come after you. I originally intended to give you a year away from me, but then when that year was up I learned you were at university and having a wonderful time, and it didn't seem right for me to
turn your life l ife upside down again. again. That's why I waited, hoping we would meet in Paris. Then at the end of that year Helen left your father and there was no longer any reason for you to stay away from the Embassy. But when you still didn't come, I saw it as a sign that my presence there was an embarrassment to you." "Was that when you resigned?" "Yes. I decided decided your father fath er had h ad been right, and that th at I had caught your attention when you left school and were looking for romance." "So with stiff upper lip you forgot about me and forged ahead with your career!" The iciness of her tone disconcerted him and he frowned. "Did you think it was easy to forget you? My God, Sara, I never knew any woman would get under my skin the way you did. And I certainly never dreamed it would be a child!" His voice shook. "That's what what you were to me. A sweet child that th at I could have seduced seduced so easily that I was afraid to let myself be near you." She stared at him, finding it incredible that this aloof, sardonic-looking man should be openly admitting his vulnerability. "It's still only luck that brought us together," she said clearly. "And I don't have much faith in a man who allows luck to act for him." "I explained why I didn't contact contact you," he said vehemently. "But when I walked across the lawn last night and saw you, I knew I could never love anyone else." "I'm "I'm sure you've you 've tried." tri ed." "Many times in the past two years," he said bluntly. "Haven't you?" "I've had no reason not to try." She heard him catch his breath and knew she had hurt him. "I love you, Sara," Sar a," he whispered, "and one day I would have come in search of you. I could never have married anyone else without seeing you first." "Then I would have looked forward to seeing you within a couple of months!" One narrow n arrow black eyebrow rose and she was forced to explain her self. "It's "It's common common gossip gossip that you and Lydia Stacey are more than good friends."
"Not as far as I'm concerned." His look was distinctly mocking. "But I'm glad you're jealous." "I couldn't care less what you do." She heard him catch his breath and his silence told her that her remark had not been anticipated. But. what had he expected her to do? Fall into his arms and tell him she loved him as much today as when they had met in Paris? How dared he come and tell her he loved her when he had let four years elapse without a word of pleading; without any further attempt to see her. "I don't don't believe you have stopped stopped loving me," he said finally. finall y. "Though for some reason best known to yourself your self you don't want to admit it." "My father was right, Gavin," she said deliberately. "When I met you I was practically a schoolgirl. I'm different now." n ow." "You're more beautiful," he said huskily. "I am also less susceptible and more intelligent," she retorted, thinking of Lydia Stacey, who had been with him that afternoon and probably for dinner too, and all the other nameless women whom he had considered marrying. "Please go away, away, Gavin. Gavin . It may be difficult difficult for us not n ot to meet while I'm on the island, but I'll see if I can leave here in a few days." "Very well." well ." His hands seemed seemed to be shaking, though she could coul d not be sure, for he slipped them into the pockets of his jacket. "Before we finally part, would you let l et me kiss you goodbye?" goodbye?" Astonished, she could only stare at him. "It will make a fitting end to a dream," he explained. "After all, if I mean nothing to you, a kiss won't mean anything to you either." He had made it impossible for her to refuse and, keeping her eyes open, she tilted up her head. "All right, Gavin, if it's so important to you." "Very imp i mportant," ortant," he murmured and, moving across the sand, put put his hi s hands on her shoulders. As though in slow motion he lowered his head - his eyes were open too, gleaming in the darkness - then his lips touched hers, cool and firm. Her mouth remained equally firm, tight almost as she tried not to respond. She waited for him to take his lips away, but they remained on hers, warmer now and moving gently, as his hands han ds were were moving movin g up and down down her back. back.
Then one hand came up under her hair and clasped the nape of her neck, so that even had she wanted to draw away she she could not have moved. His mouth was no longer gentle either but pressed harder on her own, forcing her lips apart. He must have undone his jacket, for she felt the softness of his shirt and could hear the heavy pounding of his heart. There was a determination in his hold and his kisses that warned her not to fight him lest it unleash a ferocity that neither of them would be able to control, and because of it she remained motionless. But nothing could quench the inexorable rising of desire as his mouth moved insistently backwards backwards and forwards upon hers, her s, and he felt this emotion and half raised his head to look at her. Instantly she went to withdraw from his hold, but his grip tightened and he shook her slightly. "Oh no, Sara. I'm not letting you off so lightly. Since this is our goodbye kiss, the least l east you can do is to kiss me.." "I've "I've already alr eady done it," she said tightly. "I've "I've kissed you," he corrected. "Now it's your turn." tur n." "I have no intention of kissing you!" "In that case I'll I'll do it i t for you." you ." He was teasing her, and it brought back the memory of the night he had climbed her balcony at the Embassy. Embassy. It been been a warm night ni ght then too and the scent of roses had filled the air. But it was no sweeter than the salty smell of the sea whose silver spray was dampening dampening Gavin's Gavi n's skin. How tall and strong stron g he was! She closed her eyes - and her lips too - but it was a futile gesture of defiance, for he had the strength to force them apart and she felt the tip of his tongue rubbing against the pearly edge of her teeth. He uttered a throaty sound and, cupping cupping her head with his h is hands, spoke spoke against her lips. "You won't mind a bit of passion, will you, Sara? Not now that you're grown up and sophisticated." "I'm too sophisticated to be taken in by you," she grated. "Let me go." "In a moment." Once more their mouths touched and unexpectedly the veneer of calm was gone and Gavin became became a man of abrasive desire who knew kn ew what he wanted
and was determined to take it regardless of any hurt he might cause. The tightness of his hold almost cracked her ribs and his fingers dug cruelly into the softness of her waist, then slid up swiftly to her breasts. The material was soft soft and parted easily, as did the delicate lace bra that th at gave only token defence before it snapped. His breath breath came came out on a long shuddering sigh and an d before she knew what was happening he had pulled her down on to the sand and pressed himself upon her. This was a Gavin she had never encountered before, and for the first time in her life she was frightened. Indeed she had never seen such naked passion in any man and she knew she did not have the physical strength to resist it, nor, with this man, did she have the mental strength. She wanted Gavin, wanted him as much as he obviously wanted her. The tears she had been holding in check began to fall, squeezed between her closed lids like silver pearls. They touched Gavin's skin and he gave an exclamation and lifted himself away from her. "Don't be afraid of me," he said jerkily. "I would rather die than hurt you. I love you, Sara. I love you so desperately that I… I was only kissing you to try and show you that you do love me. But it i t seems I was wrong." wrong." His hands came came away from her and he sat up and turned tur ned his face towards the sea, his profile bleak. He was etched in black and white and she had h ad the impression impression she was looking at a graven imag i mage e of the way he would appear when he was very old, with all life and hope gone. Anguish replaced her anger and her body grew warm with her love and need of him. She sat up and slid silently across the sand to clasp her arms around his neck and lean against him. "I couldn't forget those dreadful four years," she whispered. "It made made me want to hurt you." She pressed close to him. "Forgive me, darling." With a groan, he turned and gathered her close, and this time she knew that the dampness on his hi s cheeks did not come come from her tears but his hi s own. Convulsively she clutched him, arms wide, body trembling: longing to be his completely and willing to give anything he demanded. But this Gavin did not demand, demand, and though his h is kisses were were deep, his hands han ds remained warm on her back, back, protecting her from the sand. It was a kiss of genuine genuin e love, of passion held in check, and it told her more about him than any words could have done. For a long time they lay close in each other's arms even though no longer
kissing. His hands softly caressed her hair, playing with the silky strands, while she in turn nestled against him like a kitten, rubbing her face against his and delighting in the smoothness of his brow and the roughness of his cheek. "You've got one a.m. stubble!" stubble!" she murmured. "It's worse by eight a.m., I'd better warn you! I'm not a romantic sight to see on one's pillow in the morning!" "I think you'll be an extremely romantic sight." "And how soon will you want to see it?" His breath was warm on her eyelids. "When will you marry me, Sara? We've already wasted so much time. At least I have," he amended. amended. "You haven't." haven 't." "Of course I have." "No," he persisted. "You "You finished fin ished your education and you've become become a mature and exquisite young youn g woman." woman." "You haven't done so badly yourself. Governor of Balinda with a glittering future ahead of you." "No future unless you're willing to share it with me." "Not willing," willi ng," she said, clin clinging ging to him. "Desperate. "Desperate. I'll marry marr y you as soon as you want." "I want you here and now," he said throatily, and pushed her slightly away from him. "But I won't do you out of your white wedding, young Sara." "Oh, Gavin!" She pulled him against her and began to cry. "I never thought I'd hear anyone call me that again." "I never thought th ought you'd let me," he said upon her h er lips. l ips. "I've "I've said it so many times in my dreams, and when I woke up and found my bed empty…" Not so gently this time he pushed her away from him and drew her to her feet. "Let's go while I can still let you. I'm due some leave in a month. We can get married in London." "At Rokebury. I would like you to see my home, Gavin." "And you must see mine. It's small, small, of course, but - "
"It's "It's your home," h ome," she she said swiftly, putting her hand to his hi s mouth, "and that will make it dear to me." He looked as though he were going to kiss her again, but then shook his head. "If I get get you on the sand once more tonight toni ght my good intentions will disappear. disappear. Come on, young Sara, to bed with with you." "What a lovely suggestion!" He tweaked her hair. "You haven't grown up so much after all! I remember in Paris you had a disconcertin disconcerting g way of saying the most outrageous things." "I didn't didn't think thi nk they th ey were outrageous," ou trageous," she she said with candour. "I meant them, Gavin. I loved you and I wanted to be with you and saw no reason to hide it." She rested her head on his shoulder. "I still feel the same." "You gave me a hell of a time before admitting it," he said ruefully. "For a while back back you really r eally did convince me you'd stopped stopped loving lovin g me." "Would you have let me go?" "Yes." "Yes." There was an odd note in his voice and she waited for him to say more, knowing he was trying to put something into in to words. "Yes, "Yes, I would," would," he repeated. "A man can plead his cause so many times and no more. If I hadn't made you believe me this time, I would never have tried again." "Faint heart doesn't win fair lady," she protested. "Nor can constant reiteration of the same truth awaken a love which is dead." He was not responding to her humour. "I mean that, Sara. S ara. If you'd refused to believe me tonight I would never have said it again. It's important that you understand why." "I think I do," she she said slowly. "It's a question of your pride." "Much more than pride," he corrected. "It's all a question of the meaning of love. It's a word word we all use and we all mean different differ ent things th ings when we say it. To me it means trust and belief as well as passion. You could never do anything that would make me lose trust in you. I feel I know you so well that…" He paused and sighed heavily. "But you never trusted me. You were so quick to believe the worst." "Not any more!" she cried, and put her arms under his jacket and around his waist. "I can't can't bear to think thi nk what would have h ave happened if I hadn't come come out to
the islands. We would never have met again. You would have married Lydia or someone like her, and I would have been an old maid." He chuckled. "More likely I would have been a crusty old bachelor while you would have ended up with an American tycoon or a British aristocrat!" He pressed his lips to her hair. "I still think I'm doing you out of great things." "You're all I want," she she whispered. "I'll "I'll make you an Ambassad Ambassador's or's wife, Sara. I promise you that." "I only want you," she reiterated. "Wherever you go, whatever you do, I'll be happy as long as we're together." Arms entwined, they wandered slowly slowly back across the beach beach to the th e villa. vil la. "I feel I would like to wake up Aunt Grace and tell her about us," Sara sighed happily. "I would like to wake the world and let it know. Wouldn't you?" "You are my world." "Oh, Gavin," she sighed, "I'll never be able to say such wonderful things to you." "Actions speak as well as words," words," he reminded her, her , and hastily hastil y stepped back back as she lifted up her arms. "Don't try my control any more," he groaned, and warded her off, his teeth gleaming white in a smile, his eyes glinting. But it was his touch that she remembered long after he had gone, and she lay in bed and thought how miraculously the future had sorted itself out. It was painful to know that four heartbreaking years could have been spared both of them if she had not listened to Helen, and she tried to understand why her stepmother should have wanted to hurt her when they had seemed to be fairly good friends. Hadn't she realised that by saying Gavin was her lover she was destroying all her stepdaughter's stepdaughter's dreams? dreams? The more Sara Sar a considered Helen's actions, the more unbelievably cruel they became. Not even the following morning, with the sun shining brightly and her spirits high, could she feel any softening of attitude towards her stepmother. Helen had behaved heartlessly and the quicker her father was free of her the better. She shivered, as if even the thought of the woman could spoil her happiness with Gavin. But that was impossible. Her future with Gavin was assured. Their love was strong enough to overcom over come e all obstacles. obstacles. Happily Happily she went to tell Aunt Grace G race her wonderful news. news.
"Good gracious," was that good lady's astonished response. "I must say your Gavin is a fast worker. I rather suspected, from what your father said, that there'd been more than a light-hearted flirtation between the two of you - but I never guessed guessed that it went so deep that you would be proposed proposed to - and accept it - overnight." "Gavin and I loved each other in Paris," Sara said flatly "We had a bad quarrel and I ran away." "Your father said it was something like that." "My father never knew how much I loved Gavin. Nor did he know the real reason we quarrelled." "He thought it was a lovers' tiff and that if you cared deeply enough for Gavin you would return to him. When you didn't, he believed you had changed." "But you suspected suspected that I hadn't. That was why you asked me out here," her e," Sara stated. "Is that an inspired guess, or are you fishing?" "I rather think I'm making a statement. You just used your uncertainty over my father as an excuse to make me come." Grace Rickards blushed and looked considerably younger for it. "Actually I've no doubts whatever about your father. I intend to marry him the moment he's free. If he weren't the Ambassador I would be living with him now!" "Well, well," Sara blinked. "Wonders will never cease!" "Passion isn't the prerogative of the young!" came the tart answer. Sara giggled. "Honestly, Aunt Grace, you're getting more outrageous by the minute!" She poured herself some coffee and happily munched on a piece of toast. "What made you think Gavin still cared for me?" she asked curiously, like all girls in love using any pretext to talk of her beloved. "The frequent way he referred to you. He made a point of bringing your name into the conversation every time we met, plus the fact that he's the most handsome handsome man I've seen and still a bachelor. If a man of his looks l ooks and virile viril e temperament lives like a celibate, then the reason can only be a woman."
Sara remembered Gavin's ardour of the night before and realised the strain he had put upon himself hi mself for years. "I love him hi m so much," much," she said shakily. "It must have been a dreadful quarrel for you not to have made it up all these years." "It was," was," Sara hesitated, he sitated, but but as always the discretion that th at had been trained tr ained in her as a child prevented her from saying what she wanted, and she stared with pretended interest at the huge bowl of fruit on the table. "Gavin and I will be returning to London in a month," she announced. ''I want to get married from Rokebury." "I suppos suppose e that means you would like me to fly back with you?" "Naturally," said Sara, all wide-eyed innocence. "As you're now my stepmother-to-be, stepmother-to-be, I expect you to organise it i t all for me." "Wretch!" Aunt Grace said happily. "You know nothing would please me more."
CHAPTER TEN At noon Gavin sent his car to bring Sara to the Governor's Residence, and after they had lunched together he showed her round the house and told her she could make any alterations she wished. "I'm likely to be here for a few years," he said, "certainly long enough to steer the islanders through to independence. So if you want to tear the inside of the place apart and rebuilt it, the option is yours." "I like it the way it is. We'll need proper nursery quarters, though: at least three rooms and a small kitchen." He choked on his coffee. "How many children are you planning on having?" "We will be having," havin g," she she said calmly, and added: "Four. I suggest we begin begin as soon as we're married. I mean, you aren't getting any younger, are you?" "My God!" he said admiringly. "You're a cool customer." customer." Only Onl y then did he see the scarlet patches in her cheeks, and he pushed back back his hi s chair and strode round to her side of the table to pull her up into his arms. "You aren't cool," he said softly. softly. "You're just ju st the most exciting, adorable, fabulous - " "Words," she she reminded r eminded him, "when all I want is action." He laughed and proceeded to obey her, only onl y drawing back as there was a discreet discreet knock k nock at the door. "Duty," he said briefly. briefl y. "I'm "I'm afraid I must leave you for the rest of the day. But tonight I'm giving a dinner to a trade delegation and there's no reason why you can't be there as my fiancée." "What a lovely l ovely word!" she dimpled. "Wife is an even better one." That day set the tenor for the weeks that followed. Gavin spent all his free time with her and even when he Was working, liked to have her with him. "If I can look up from fr om my papers papers and see you, I feel happy," he explained explaine d and, because Sara felt the same, she enjoyed sitting quietly with a book on her lap while he worked on official offi cial papers and dealt with a host h ost of problems. problems. She had written to tell her father her news and had received a cable by return, wishing her and Gavin every happiness. A letter had followed, more specifically stating his pleasure, and only at the end of it had he referred to Helen, who was still refusing to agree to a divorce by consent.
"I can't can't understand under stand why she's being so spiteful spiteful," ," Grace said bitterly, bitterly , one afternoon when she and Sara were talking about it. "After all, she was the one to break up the marriage in the first place." "But she is i s spiteful spiteful," ," Sara said. "She's that sort of woman." "I'd like to tell her a few home truths!" "So would I," Sara replied, and little knew how soon she would be given the opportunity. That night Gavin was free of all duties and Grace tactfully took herself off to a friend's house and left them both the run of the bungalow. Sara dispensed with the two servants and cooked the dinner herself, glad she had shared her flat for six months with a Cordon Bleu friend. Gavin was an appreciative guest and ate with gusto the sweet sweet and sour spare spare ribs r ibs she prepared, the crisp fried rice with toasted almonds almonds and the delicious flaming crepes suzettes that brought the meal to a triumphant end. "You'll be wasted as as a Governor's Govern or's wife," he remarked, "unless "unle ss we we sack the chef!" "I hope we won't have to lead a conventional life all the time," she said seriously. "Would you like me to give up the Service?" "What would you do if i f I said yes?" "Think about it very carefully. The only trouble is that I'm not equipped for any other career. I was a test pilot, as you know, until unti l I crashed, and I came came to this job rather late." "You've done exceptionall exceptionally y well," she said proudly, "and I'm sure sure you would do well at anything else you tried. But Father says you have a wonderful future in the Service and I'd feel guilty if I let you give it up." After they finished dinner Gavin came to the kitchen to help her clear away the dishes. He had taken off his jacket and tie and his half-open shirt disclosed his bronzed throat and the mat of black hairs on his chest. She longed to press her lips to it and the way her eyes rested on him must have given away her thoughts, for he caught her hand and placed it on his body. Pink-cheeked, she pulled away from him and pretended not to hear him laugh softly behind her.
With the dishes cleared away they returned to the verandah and shared one deep chair, where she lay curled up in his arms. She knew her nearness aroused him and though she tried not to be aware of it, the knowledge aroused her too, and soon their good intention not to make love was forgotten as she finally did run her fingers over his broad chest and placed her lips to the soft tangle of hairs that lay there. "If only we hadn't wasted four four years," she whispered. "We could could have been an old married couple by now." "Don't waste waste time on regrets." "I can't help it. I shouldn't have refused to speak to you on the telephone." , "I doubt if you would have believed me even if you had spoken to me." "But I believe you now." "Because you're four years older and able to listen." "I'm "I'm glad it wasn't wasn't you with Helen," she said softly. "I can't bear bear to think th ink of you with any other woman." "I haven't been a monk." "I know that, but I - but as long as I don't know who the women were I don't mind. But to think of you with Helen…" "She isn't my type," he said briefly. "I don't think she realised it, but - " His voice trailed off, but something in his tone made Sara raise her head and look at him. "She wanted you, though, th ough, didn't she?" "Forget her," he said, and set himself to make her do it in the best way he knew how. As his mouth fastened on hers she could think of nothing except this man and his nearness, his masculinity and his gentleness, his passion and his tenderness. Unafraid, Unafrai d, she burrowed closer, her soft breasts pressing pressing against the hardness of his chest. With an exclamation he stood up and set her feet first on the ground. "No," he said thickly. "I'm only human, and we're alone in the bungalow."
"I'm "I'm not afraid afrai d of you," she whispered. whi spered. "Then you should be." He gave her a gentle slap on her behind. "When I make you mine I want it to be legal." "How old-fashioned old-fashioned you are I" "I needn't be," he said, and took a step towards towards her, stopping stopping with a chuckle as he saw her take a swift step back. back. "Fine words don't don't make brave girls," he teased, and knowing he had called her bluff she had no option but to laugh. For the next hour they sat decorously apart, and well before midnight Gavin left. He was leaving Pango airport early next morning to visit the various neighbouring small islands that made up the Balinda group. "I'm "I'm not sure exactly what time ti me I'll be back tomorrow," he said as he kissed ki ssed her goodnight. "But I'll call you as soon as I get in." Long after the sound of his car had disappeared into the night Sara thought about him and the future they would share together. If the past four years had changed her they th ey had also changed him, taking away some some of his hi s lightheartedness yet giving him an added sensitivity that made him even more aware of her moods than he had been in Paris. For so masculine a man he had a surprising understanding of the way the female mind worked, and in the last few weeks had surprised her by his ability to know what she was thinking and - even more important - what she was feeling. Somehow she did not have the same same ability to understand him, hi m, and she she wondered if this was because because he was much older than her. Unquestionably he robbed her of her hard-won sophistication: sophistication: one on e look from fr om his gleaming blue eyes and she was lost. With Gavin away for the whole of the next day, Sara decided to spend it on the beach, and was crossing the hall when the telephone rang. A female voice at the other end asked to speak to Sara Claremont, and even as Sara wondered who it was, she knew the answer. With an enormous effort she kept her voice steady as she she said it was Sara Claremont Cl aremont speaking. "I didn't recognise you." Without question it was Helen, her voice clear and high. "I daresay you're surprised to hear from me?" "It's "It's rather unexpected," Sara said casuall casually. y. "How did you know where wher e I was ?" "I saw saw your father fath er last l ast week and he told me. I want to see you, Sara. Sar a. I'm I'm staying at the Coral Creek."
"I'm afraid I - " "Don't make excuses, I flew out to talk to you and I'm not going to be put off now." Sara clutched the receiver. "You came out to see me?" "Yes. I'm I'm going going to have a rest now - I only onl y flew in an hour hou r ago and I'm exhausted! But I'll be up for lunch. Come and have it with me." "I have other arrangements." Sara did not know why she was bothering to lie. The words had come out instinctively, as if she wanted to put her off her meeting with her h er stepmother for as long as possible. possible. "We have nothing n othing to say to each other, Helen. I can't think why you want to see me." "Come along and find out," Helen said abruptly. "I'll expect you after lunch, then." Sara put down down the telephone and an d stood by the table, shaking. shakin g. It was was here that th at Grace found her, and she too looked shaken when she heard Helen was on the island. "There's no point trying tr ying to guess what she wants," the older woman said with her usual practicality. "It would have been better for you to have seen her right away. As it is you'll worry yourself to death until you do." "I have no intention of worrying," Sara replied, but unfortunately could not suit her behaviour to her words. She swam for a long while in the tranquil ocean, but it brought no peace of mind and she toyed with her lunch and was too restless to have a siesta. Long before it was time for her to leave, she was dressed and ready and, borrowing Aunt Grace's car, drove the long way round into town. The Coral Creek Hotel was on a promontory on the outskirts of the little capital, and Sara parked her car beneath the shade of a palm and then walked across the gaily tiled patio to the foyer. She gave her name to the desk clerk and was immediately immediately told to go up to the first fi rst floor where Lady Claremont Clare mont was expecting her. It gave Sara a nervous chill to hear Helen referred to in this way, and as she went up the stairs she had to remind herself that the woman was still her father's wife. Trust Helen to have the best, she thought instantly as she entered the lavishly furnished suite and saw the vases of flowers, the
champagne in a silver ice bucket and the huge basket of tropical fruit that stood beside it. Helen looked exactly as Sara had remembered her, and she wondered if her stepmother recalled all she had said on the morning after the ball. "So little Sara has grown up!" Helen's hard bright eyes stared at her candidly. "You've turned out even better than I expected. You were always a pretty girl, but now you're stunning." Sara tensed at the compliments flowing her way. Helen was not the sort of person to flatter another woman unless she had good reason. "You said you wanted to talk to me," she said flatly. "It can wait a moment. moment. Sit Si t down and tell me how you've been since we met." "I'm sure my welfare is of no interest to you." Helen's thin mouth grew thinner. "It isn't only your appearance that has changed. I can can remem re member ber when you were far more polite to me." "Times have changed, changed, Helen. I'm not straight out of the schoolroom now and you aren't are n't Father's Father 's - " Sara stopped, stopped, and Helen smiled. "I'm "I'm glad you didn't finish that th at sentence, because because I still am your father's father 's wife wife whether you like it or not. And that's why I'm here - to ask you to help me." A thin hand was outstretched, the nails like long scarlet talons. "It isn't easy for me to plead with you. The only reason r eason I'm doing it is because I know your father will listen to you. And we weren't enemies in the past, Sara. You mightn't have been pleased that your father married me, but we did have some sort of relationship." "Not that I'm aware of," Sara said coldly. "Or have you forgotten that the last time we met you deliberately allowed me to believe you and Gavin were…" She could not bring herself to continue and she swung round to the window and stared out at the shimmering sea. "Gavin?" Helen echoed his name. "Don't tell me you're still carrying a torch for him?" "I'm "I'm going to marry him," hi m," Sara said sharply, and was lorry she had h ad spoken spoken when she saw the look l ook of astonishment on Helen's Hel en's face.
"Marry Gavin! Your father never told me." "Perhaps he no longer considered it your business!" Two patches of colour blazed in Helen's thin face. "What are you doing out here, then?" "Gavin is here." Helen gave a sharp laugh. "We really are turning back the clock, aren't we!" Sara ignored this. "Could you please tell me why you want to see me?" "I've told you why. I want to go back to your father. I should never have left him." "You didn't love him," hi m," Sara said bluntly. "Leaving him h im was the most most honest thing you did." "Don't judge me!" Helen cried, and then caught herself up, as if remembering she was here to ask Sara Sar a a favour. "I don't expect you to understand un derstand why I left your father - any more than I expect you to understand why I married him." "You married him hi m for money and position," Sara said coldly. coldly. "You made that quite plain. But I don't blame you for it. I only blame you for going with other men when you were his wife." "He never knew," Helen said quickly, and then caught herself up. "Anyway, I've changed. changed. Being on my own for two years has made me realise what a fool I was. I want to go back to him, Sara, and you can help me." Astonishment kept Sara silent and Helen misinterpreted it by pressing home her previous statement. "Your father adores you, and if he believed you wanted us to get back back together again - " "But I don't," Sara intervened. "The best thing that ever happened to Father was you leaving him." Beneath Helen's vivid make-up a more vivid colour glowed, giving an unbecoming flush to the narrow cheeks and a hard glint to eyes which, even at their friendliest, held no softness. "You're on Grace's side, aren't you?" she sneered. "My father loves her," Sara said quietly. "And if you won't do the decent thing
and agree to an amicable divorce, then he'll have to wait until he can apply for one on his own." "And what happens to me?" "I'm sure Father has provided for you." "It isn't just money. I want a place in life." li fe." "You had a place, but you threw thr ew it away!" "You're a hard girl, Sara." The anger went from Helen, leaving her curiously deflated. There were fine lines around her eyes that had not been there four years ago and hard lines on either side of her mouth. They weren't so much the lines of age as of character, and looking at her Sara could see what an old and ugly woman she would become. become. Yet she felt no pity. How could she for a woman whose lies had parted her for four years from Gavin? "Did you honestly believe I would help you after the way you lied to me about Gavin?" Sara asked. For several seconds Helen was silent. "Is that what he told tol d you?" she said finally, her voice dull, as if she no longer cared to maintain her pride. "Don't tell me he's fooled you all over again?" "He never fooled me." Sara strove to keep her voice firm, but was dismayed dismayed to find that it wobbled. "You were the one who did that, Helen, and I won't let you do it again." "I don't don't need to. Gavin's Gavi n's doing quite well on his own." Helen's laugh was genuinely genuin ely amused. "I must must say he deserves to marry you. y ou. I've never known kn own anyone work harder for his own betterment. Still, my affair with him is over, and if you can forget it, then - " "You never had an affair with him!" Sara cried. "It was with Mike." "It was Mike and Gavin," G avin," Helen shrugged. "No!" "Yes, Sara. It was was Mike first, fir st, but once I met Gavin I didn't want anyone else. I only said I would show Mike's letter to Jane in order to bring Gavin to heel. I
was tired of watching him make a play for you when I knew that all he wanted was your money and your father's position to help him get to the top." "You're lying!" Sara cried. "Why should I?" "Out of spite, because I won't won't help you with my father." father ." "If you don't believe me," Helen retorted, "ask Gavin yourself. Let him deny that it's true. If you're foolish enough to believe him, then you'll probably be happy with him." Blindly Sara turned to the door, and only then did she see the tall figure of a black-haired man on the threshold. "Gavin!" She took a step forward, but he looked past her to Helen. "My A.D.C. informed me you arrived here this morning." "Yes, I did." Helen advanced towards him. "How lovely to see you! I didn't know I was so so famous that you would be notified notifi ed of my arrival." arri val." "You're still Sir William's wife. The airport notified us." "And you rushed round to see me? That's what I call thoughtful. Sara and I we're just talking about you." "I thought you might be," he said grimly. "That's why I came over." "How clever you are, Gavin. Which reminds me, I must congratulate you on your engagement. engagement. I'm glad glad you finally fin ally achieved what you wanted." "With no thanks to you," he said calmly, and added: "Why are you here?" "I came to enlist Sara's help. Unfortunately she doesn't see fit to give it to me." "Helen wants to return to my father." Sara spoke for the first time. "I told her that he's he 's going going to marry marr y Grace Gr ace as soon soon as he's free." "Which leaves me out on a limb," Helen said, and her hard brown eyes moved over Gavin's tall frame. "I'm glad you were able to convince Sara that we weren't lovers. But then you always did have an amazing ability to fool us poor women."
Gavin threw her a look of such anger that had it been charged with equal energy, it would have razed her to the ground. "I see you're still intent on destroying other people's people's happiness if you can't find a way of getting your own?" "I was just putting Sara right about the facts, darling," Helen drawled. "But you have nothing to worry about. She still dotes on you." Unable to bear any more, Sara groped for the door. "Sara, wait!" Gavin said behind her. "I can't bear to stay here," her e," she gasped, gasped, and stumbled stumbled down the corridor, intent i ntent on putting puttin g as much much distance between herself and an d Helen as possible. possible. But Bu t distance could not dim the words Helen had uttered and they reverberated through her with every beat of her heart. "Sara!" Gavin was striding after her, his steps heavy on the polished floor. "I want to talk to you." She looked at him with blank eyes. Gavin stared intently into her face and swore swore beneath his breath."That damned woman! woman! I knew somethin something g like this would happen. That's why I came here as quickly as I could." "You know what she would say?" Sara whispered. "I knew she'd try to make mischief mischief again." He gripped her arm. "We can't talk here. Let's go home." "No. Let's go to my car. It's parked by the cliff." His hand came out to grip her elbow and silently he led her out of the hotel to the car park. The quick tropical dusk was already beginning to fall and the sky was tinged with with purple. "Shall we sit in your car or mine?" he asked. "Neither," she said, and moved over to the wooden rail that separated the car park from the springy turf that led to the cliff's edge. She knew Gavin was waiting for her to speak, but she did not know what to say or where to begin, and, as if realising it, he spoke first. "Why exactly did Helen come to the island?"
"She wanted me to persuade Father to take her back. back. Apparently she doesn't doesn't like her freedom. She's decided decided she wants to have position too." "I take it you refused to help her?" "Yes." "And that's when she turned nasty?" Sara moved her head, unwilling to answer in words. She wanted to turn and face Gavin, but her feet seemed rooted to the spot and she clenched her hands on the rail and went on staring out to sea. "It isn't true, is it?" she said shakily. "Tell me it isn't true." There was silence, and when she could bear it no longer she abruptly swung round. His eyes were focused on the horizon and his profile was as firm as though carved from stone. "Tell me," she whispered. Slowly he turned in her direction. "Tell "Tell you what?" "That it isn't true. That Helen didn't have you and Mike as lovers." He went on looking at her, his eyes narrowed by the dark brows that lowered over them. "If I tell you today that Helen is lying, will it stop you from doubting me again tomorrow?" "Of course it will." "I don't think so," he said quietly. "I think you'll always doubt me. I think that whenever you see me with another woman you'll wonder if I've been unfaithful to you." "Don't be silly, Gavin. You know that isn't true." "You've just shown me that it's very true." "You can't blame me for asking you the question. If you tell me Helen is lying… lyin g…"" Her voice v oice wobbled wobbled and she lapsed into silence. "I have no intention of discussing Helen with you." Gavin spoke in a clear, firm tone. "You must believe what you will."
"Is it so hard for you to say 'I'm 'I'm innocent'?" she cried. "I can never have the innocence that you're looking for," he said bleakly. "You need a young youn g man whom you can never suspect; suspect; whose innocence you will never doubt." "I don't know why you're talking like this, Gavin. All I'm asking you is to tell me that Helen was lying." "I have nothing more to say on the subject. Think what you will." He turned on his heel and strode to his car. "Gavin, wait!" She ran after him. "You can't go like this." "Why not?" He looked at her, but his eyes were filled with inner storms and did not see her. "I told you before that I would never run after you twice." "You never even came once!" "I tried to see you when you left Paris," he reminded her. "You can't blame me because because you wouldn't read r ead my letters or take my calls." "We only onl y met now because I came came to the th e island 1" 1 " she cried. cri ed. "If I hadn't, you would have been happy to live your life without me. You wouldn't have given one single damn!" "If that's what what you think," thin k," he shrugg shru gged, ed, and turned away again. "It's true!" she cried, and angrily put her hand on his arm. "We would never have met if I hadn't come come to Balinda." Bal inda." "Then it's a pity that you did." Sara blinked. bli nked. "You can't mean that." "I don't don't know any more what I mean," he said bleakly. Disengaging Disengaging her hand from his arm, he opened the car door and slid behind the wheel. The engine purred and only then did she run forward and put her hand on the door. "If you leave me like this," she said breathlessly, "I'll never see you again!" "You never have seen me," he replied and, letting in the clutch, drove swiftly away.
CHAPTER ELEVEN "I don't don't blame Gavin one bit," was Grace Rickard's comm comment ent when Sara - in in a tightly controlled manner - told her the entire story, including the whole sordid Paris episode. episode. "I can see why you believed Helen four years ago - you were young and unsure of yourself and you didn't believe you were capable of holding a man of Gavin's temperament - but I can't understand why you believe her now. Anyway, what does it matter? It's all over and done with." "You haven't found it easy to forget the past," Sara retorted. "You still blame Father for behaving like a fool and marrying Helen." "Only because I was already in his life when he fell in love with her. But Gavin was having an affair with her long before he met you - if in fact he was having an affair." "Helen said he only stopped because I was a better catch." "And Helen wouldn't lie, of course!" "If she was, why did he rush round to see her the minute he discovered she was on the island? It could only onl y have been because because he was afraid of what she might tell me. You should have seen his h is face when he came came in and saw I was already there. the re. It was as if he knew kne w what she'd said said to me. "He probably did. Helen has never been difficult to read. But that doesn't mean that what you read is the truth. You refused to help her get your father back, so she tried to break you and Gavin up again, the way she did in Paris." "Then why didn't Gavin say so?" "He's given you the answer to that. He's already explained himself twice and he refuses to do it a third time. He feels that if you still haven't any faith in him, then it's best that you part. And personally, I think he's right." "If Helen was lying, lyin g, he should have said so," so," Sara repeated r epeated stubbornly. stubbornly. "The only reason he didn't is because it was true." Grace made a gesture tantamount to throwing her hands up in the air. "Then you and I don't have the th e same opini opinion on of Gavin's G avin's character. I've always considered him a man of integrity and sensitivity."
"Not so sensitive that he h e couldn't drive away and leave le ave me, knowing how upset I was," was," Sara said bitterly. bitterl y. "He was upset too." "You can't imagine how awful it was to live in Paris with Helen and Father," Sara went on as if she had not heard hear d Grace's comm comment. ent. "It was like sitting sittin g on a volcano. And then there was Gavin. I loved him, yet I felt there was a barrier between us. I couldn't understand it and he never explained it to me." "He said he thought you were too young." "That's what what he says now," now," Sara replied r eplied fiercely, fier cely, "but it doesn't mean it was what he felt at the time." "Gavin's right about you." Grace put down the petit point she was working on. "You don't love him enough. Maybe you've been in love with the memory of first love. Perhaps now that you've seen him again you'll be able to forget him." "Do you honestly think that?" "It's your only hope. Gavin is an exceptionally attractive man and women will always run after him. If you doubt him before you're his wife, you're well advised not to marry him." h im." The words lingered long in Sara's mind, but each time the telephone rang she knew a sense of desolation that it wasn't Gavin. When W hen two days had gone by and there was still still no word from him, Sara Sar a accepted accepted the fact that he h e was not going to contact her. He had meant it when he had said that if she doubted him, he wanted nothing more to do with her. Yet she could not go to him and aver a faith she did not feel, for he was perceptive enough to see the truth. Besides, as Grace had said, marriage to a man like Gavin would bring sufficient problems without her starting with an initial lack of trust. On the third day after her quarrel with him, Grace persuaded her to go shopping in Pango, and though Sara was totally uninterested in acquiring any of the handma h andmade de crafts available, she forced herself to t o do as she she was told. It was noon when they had completed their tour of the local shops and Grace suggested they take a drink at one of the hotels. "Not the Coral Creek," Sara said. "I couldn't face going there."
For this reason they went to the Graham Hotel and were sitting on the terrace when Andy came over to them. "I thought I recognised you," he smiled at Sara. "No one else has caramelcoloured hair!" He bent towards her as Grace went over to speak to some friends of hers who had just come on to the terrace. "How is it you haven't answered any of my calls call s these last few weeks?" "I warned you I wouldn't have much free time," she explained. "You're free now. How about lunch?" Sara was in the act of shaking her head when Grace rejoined them to say her friends wanted them to go aboard their yacht for lunch. The thought of making conversation with strangers was more than Sara could bear, and she shook her head and said it would suit her fine if Grace went alone, since this would leave her free to have lunch with Andy. "Good," Grace said at once. "So long as you won't be alone." "I'll "I'll see her safely home-too," Andy smiled, smiled, and promptly took Grace Gr ace Rickards' vacant chair. "Is it all right if we lunch here?" he enquired after he had ordered fresh drinks. "I couldn't care less," she confessed. "Finish the sentence." "I beg your pardon?" "You should end it by saying 'as long as I'm with you'." For an instant she stared at him blankly and then forced herself to smile. "I'm rather slow this morning, mornin g, Andy. I didn't didn't sleep well and I've a slight headac h eadache." he." "Then let's have lunch right away. A good meal should revive you." During lunch she forced herself to respond to his raillery and gradually found herself relaxing. She was chuckling at something he had said when she suddenly saw Gavin come into the restaurant. Even at a distance it was impossible to mistake his jet black hair and erect carriage, nor could she mistake the vivacious girl gir l by his hi s side. Though she made made no sound, her expression must have given her away, for Andy glanced over his shoulder to see who had caught her attention.
"It's the woosome twosome," he commented. "Have you seen anything of Lydia since the day we met her?" "No," Sara hesitated, wondering what he would say if she told him that all her free time had been spent with Gavin, and that neither of them had wanted any other company. company. Unable to stop herself, she watched as Gavin followed Lydia Stacey to a table by the window. If If he sat and faced the girl gir l he would inevitably have to see herself, and she waited for that moment to come. When it did, nothing nothi ng in his expression gave him hi m away, and across across a distance of several yards, intense blue eyes held grey ones. Then Gavin half-lifted his hand in a sketchy salute and skilfully shifted his chair so that Sara was no longer in his h is direct line of vision. Despite this, Sara found his presence stifling, and sought around for an excuse to leave. Yet to do so would be giving herself away to Gavin, and pride forced her to remain where she was. Sur reptitiously Surreptitiou sly she glanced at him. He was bending towards Lydia and a shaft of sunlight fell across the top of his head, giving a shiny glow to his hair. His hands, clasped on the table in front of him, looked bronze against the white cloth, and as she watched, he picked up a roll and broke it in half. His gesture was firm and precise and showed no awareness of her presence. How aloof and controlled he was! If she had needed any proof that he did not care for her, she had it now. If he loved her he would never be able to sit there looking so detached. Indeed he would not be there at all, lunching with a girl who made it plain that she adored him. "I've "I've ordered a special soufflé," Andy broke into i nto her he r thoughts. th oughts. "It "It means waiting twenty minutes, but when you've tasted it, I hope you'll think it was worth it." "I never mind waiting for a soufflé!" she said, and gave Andy her full attention. But nothing could obliterate Gavin from her mind. Had he seen Helen again, or had she left the island once she realised her journey here had been a wasted one? Perhaps she was still here. She might even have decided that if she stood no chance in resuming her marriage, she might as well try to resume her relationship with one of her lovers. Sara clenched her hands on her lap. One of her lovers. How awful that sounded when applied to Gavin! No woman who had been held in his arms, who had been made aware of his ardour and skilful
touch, would ever be able to think of him as one among many. In his way he was unique. And not just to me, she thought bitterly, as Lydia pouted her lips and smiled at him provocatively - a gesture so blatant in its invitation that Sara longed to hit her. At last the soufflé came, and though it was every bit as excellent as Andy had prophesied, to Sara it could just as easily have been a piece of rubber ru bber sponge. sponge. Coffee was brought brought to them t hem and she was grateful grateful for its i ts stimulus and hoped it would make her feel less faint. Her heart was beating so heavily she could hear it hammering in her throat, and her skin was so damp that the bodice of her dress clung to her. Yet outwardly she knew she looked cool and elegant in beige silk and gold jewellery, jeweller y, a baroque band of which gleamed round her throat and on one slender arm. She was on her h er second cup of coffee coffee when Gavin G avin and Lydia stood up to leave. The girl turned to make a comment to him and, noticing Andy, moved in their direction. "Hi, you two," Lydia beamed. beamed. "Are you inseparable, or is i s it coincidence that I always see you together?" "As I haven't seen you for several weeks - " Andy began. "I had to return to the States," Lydia explained. "My mother-in-law had a heart attack." "How is she?" "Almost as good as new, thank goodness, so at least I don't own all the oil wells in Texas yet!" "Such a problem that would be," Andy laughed, l aughed, and Lydia Lydia joined joi ned in, slipping sli pping her hand through Gavin's arm as she did so. Sara saw the gesture but tried tri ed to pretend she had not. The blood was was pounding in her ears and she could barely hear the conversation. All she was conscious of was Gavin standing behind her, impeccable in a pale grey suit, his stance as easy as his expression. "I hope you're enjoying your stay on the island?" Lydia asked Sara. "I haven't forgotten you promised to come come along to one of my parties." parti es." She glanced at Gavin. "Will you be free tomorrow night, honey?"
"Not tomorrow," he said, "but the evening after." "I'm afraid I won't be here then." Sara spoke without thinking, but once she did, she wondered wondered why she had h ad not made made her decision decision before. "I'm returning return ing home," she explained. "I've already been here longer than I intended." "Is Miss Miss Rickards going going back with you?" Gavin G avin spoke to Sara Sar a for the th e first fir st time, and she gathered her courage around her like a shield and looked at him. "She'll be following me later." She moistened her lips. "Has Helen left?" "Yes." The reply was monosyllabic and Sara could not read anything into it. "Then it doesn't doesn't look as if we'll be meeting again," she murmured. "Not unless unl ess you come come back to Balinda." Balin da." "I shouldn't think that's likely." "Then I'll wish you all the best in your new job," Gavin said. "Remember me to your father, Sara," he concluded, concluded, as his hand h and came came up and an d cupped cupped Lydia's elbow. "Of course." Deliberately she gave him the full battery of her eyes, but his own remained blank, the way they had been when she had last seen them. "Goodbye," "Goodbye," he said again, and with a polite smile led l ed Lydia away. "Do you really reall y have to go back back to England?" En gland?" Andy asked as he drove Sara back to the bungalow. "Yes," she said firmly, "I do." "I wish you were saying that to me in front of an altar!" He squeezed her hand. "I'll be joining you in New York as soon as I can. We have a hotel there that needs my attention." "Don't make make the journe j ourney y just because of me," she she warned. "You'll be wasting your time if you do." "You're not putting puttin g me off, angel face. As long as you're single, I'm going going to be chasing you!" Entering the bungalow, Sara was glad to find that Aunt Grace had returned,
and she rang the airport to find out how soon she could return to England. There were only two direct flights a week, but there was one leaving the following day with an overnight stop in Kenya. She booked it immediately. It would at least serve to get her off the island fast, and that was all she wanted: to leave Balinda and its Governor far behind her. "Just don't think Gavin will come running after you," Grace Rickards warned her when she came back back to find fin d Sara packing. "I certainly don't think that," Sara said grimly. "If he hasn't h asn't contacted contacted me while I'm here, he won't do so when I'm on on the other side of the world." "Well, as long lon g as you know what you're doing." "I have no choice. I can't marry a man I don't trust." "It isn't Gavin you don't trust," tru st," Grace said caustically. caustically. "It's your own judgment. Perhaps you aren't woman enough for him!" "Please," Sara said in a cracked voice. "I can't bear bear to talk tal k about it any an y more." There was a short silence and when Grace spoke again it was to refer to her own departure in i n a few weeks' time. "Even though it doesn't look as if I'll be able to marry your father for another year, it's pointless to live so far away from him. At least if I'm in Paris we'll be able to see each other." "Perhaps you'll end up having a quiet affair with him," Sara said slyly, glad to give her attention to someone else's future happiness instead of her own misery. "You know very well I'd live with him openly if he weren't an Ambassador!" The following morning brought a cable from Sir William which gave them both much food for thought, for he stated that Helen had agreed to a divorce and that he hoped to be free within a couple of months. "I wonder wonder what made her change her mind?" Grace exclaimed. "She's a realist," Sara said. "She has no chance of marrying again if she's still tied to my father, father , and once she knew I wasn't going going to help h elp her…" her …" Sara forced herself to go on. "Maybe seeing Gavin again helped to change her mind." "Maybe," Grace agreed brightly. "He might even marry her if Lydia Stacey
doesn't snap him up fast." Sara looked stricken. "How can you?" "My dear, I'm only saying what you're thinking!" There was no answer to this, t his, and biting back a choked exclamation, exclamation, Sara Sar a ran from the room. At eight ei ght o'clock o'clock that evenin ev ening g she was packed packed to leave and wondered how she was going to get through the next few hours. But this question paled into insignificance in the face of the countless hours that lay ahead of her. If only she had never come to Balinda; never seen Gavin again and re-awakened her love for him. No matter what Aunt Grace had said, she knew she would never get over him. For the rest of her life no man would ever be able to obliterate him from her thoughts.
CHAPTER TWELVE It was a perfect perfect cloudless day when Sara left l eft the island. The tarmac glistened like snow in the brilliant sunshine and a tropical haze misted the blue sky. But the foliage was as brilliant a green as ever and the poinsettias as scarlet. The plane slowly taxied along the runway. Then with a rush of power it moved swiftly forward. Sara found she was gripping the arms of her chair and she relaxed her fingers and leaned back. Gavin was behind her, both literally and figuratively. From now, she must stop thinking of him. Turning her head from the window, she closed her eyes. One hour melted into two and two into four. The plane droned on through the blue sky; luncheon lu ncheon was served and then tea, te a, and the passengers passengers steadily ate their way through the menu as the plane ate the miles. They were an hour out of Nairobi when Sara was conscious of something wrong. The stewards and stewardesses kept going backwards and forwards to the cockpit and the plane began to lose height. The warning light to fasten seat belts and stop smoking smoking came on and Sara braced herself her self for the th e storm that she felt sure was to come. But there was no turbulence to disturb their steady flight, only an erratic noise which grew louder, went faint again and then finally ceased. It was only then that the captain himself announced an engine failure, and assured everyone that they could fly quite adequately on the three remaining ones and there was nothing to worry about. Yet worry, everyone did, and the stewardesses stewardesses moved from passenger passenger to passenger, passenger, assuri assuring ng each one personally personall y that the t he captain had spoken the truth. "This is the second time I've been on a plane when the engine has failed," a stewardess stewardess told Sara. "Have you ever been involved in an accident?" "No." The plane dropped dropped sharply and the th e stewardess clutched clutched the back back of Sara's S ara's seat. "I'd "I'd better sit myself down," down," she remarked. r emarked. "It looks as if we're hitting hi tting some air pockets." "Is that because of the engine failure?"
"Yes. We have to fly lower, but there's the re's no danger. It's just unpleasant." Sara repeated this to herself as the aircraft bucketed across the sky like a high-spirited bronco. Several of the passengers were ill and though she herself did not feel nauseous, she was tremblin trembling g with fear. How vast the skies were, how small the plane and what a long way down they had to fall! Yet falling was the least of her worries, for as the plane continued to career up and down like an elevator gone mad, she wondered if the metal would stand the strain or whether they would explode into smithereens long before they could touch down to safety. Clasping her hands, she began to pray. But it was not only the Deity that came to mind but Gavin as she had last seen him, looking at her without expression or feeling. Her fingers laced tightly together. Gavin was a man of deep feeling and for him to have looked at her with such blankness showed what a determined effort he had made not to let her know what he was thinking. As she had tried not to let him know what she was thinking! What a fool she had been to pretend. How stupid to hide her love from him, as if it was something for which she was ashamed. What am I doing on this plane? she thought, and looked round wildly. I should be with Gavin, where I belong. Oh God - now she was praying in earnest please give me the chance of going back to him. Let me have the th e opportunity of telling him I was completely wrong. The plane lurched violently and she opened her eyes and stared through the window. The earth was rushing up to her alarmingly as the aircraft banked steeply. Then the horizon resumed its rightful position and over the intercom came the voice of a steward telling them they would be landing at Nairobi within five minutes. So reassuring was the voice that it took some of the tension out of the atmosphere, and though Sara was still trembling, her fear started to ebb. The turbulence turbul ence ceased and and though there th ere was one moment when they th ey seemed to rise for an infinite space of time and then descend again sharply, they were soon flying on a steady course with the scenery clearly set out below them. The plane touched down like a wounded bird and taxied towards the airport buildings that gleamed pale in the dusk. The passengers were talking loudly and there was much laughter as a release from the fear that had gripped everyone. Only Sara remained silent, too preoccupied with thoughts of Gavin to pay attention to anyone around her. She must arrange to have her luggage taken off the flight and find out how quickly she could return to Balinda. She hurried down the aircraft steps and went purposefully towards the airport and
Reservations. With a sickening sense of disappointment disappointment she discovered discovered there ther e was no possibility of obtaining a flight to Balinda for several days. All the aircraft were completely booked. "We'll wait-list you," the clerk informed her, "but I wouldn't count on getting out of here for three days at least. Passengers who book through to Balinda usually complete the flight. It's still the holiday season there, you know." Sara blinked back the tears that were pricking her eyes. The anxiety and stress of the past hour was taking its toll of her and she was dreadfully afraid she would suddenly burst bur st into sobs. sobs. It was dismaying to have to remain in Nairobi for days when all she wanted to do was to rush back and abject herself in front of Gavin. Fearlessly she would confess that she should never have questioned him about Helen; would admit that though her love for him four years ago had not been strong enough to tell her he was incapable of deceit, the love she felt for him today was. How right he had been to refuse to explain himself. How wrong she had been to demand it! Grace had put it succinctly when she had said it was not Gavin whom Sara had doubted but her own inability to make him happy. "Do you have a hotel to stay at?" the reservation clerk asked, eyeing her fragile beauty with pleasure. At the shake of her head, he pointed out the information desk. "They will be able to help you." She was halfway towards it when she heard her name spoken spoken and an d she stopped stopped and stared at the freckle-faced man bearing down on her. "It is Sara Claremont, isn't it?" he said. "Of course." She held out her hands to him. "How are you, Mike?" He grinned. "Well, at least that's a sign that the years haven't changed me too much! But they've certainly changed you. You look fantastic." "Was I such a freak before?" she smiled. "You know you weren't." He squeezed her hand. "What are you doing here? Don't tell me you've been holidaying in Nairobi and I haven't known about it?" "I'm "I'm only passing through," she said quickly. "I couldn't get a direct flight and had to stop over for one night."
"Then you must come come home and stay with us. u s. Jane wouldn't forgive me if I let l et you stay in a hotel." She shook her h er head. h ead. "It's "It's very kind kin d of you, but I couldn't. You see, I - I may may have to stop over for several days." "So what? We have h ave stacks of of room. Do you have an overnight overni ght bag?" bag?" "I've "I've had all my cases cases taken off the flight," she explained. explain ed. "I've "I've cancelled the rest of my journey." jour ney." She saw Mike's look of surprise. "I'm "I'm going back back to Balinda." "So that's where you have been!" His words reminded her that Gavin had said he would not write to tell his hi s sister sister of their reunion, preferring to tell her personally when they stopped at Nairobi on their return to England. Thankful that Gavin had decided on this, for it made explanations unnecessary, she made one more half-hearted attempt to stay at a hotel. But the fact that she was Sir William Claremont's daughter - apart from being someone whom he liked for her own sake - made Mike insist she stay with him and, some some twenty minutes minu tes later, she was warmly warmly welcomed into his home by a surprisingly surprisin gly young and happy-looking Jane, and two adorable boys of four. "I think I once told you that twins run in the family," Jane chuckled, "but having two in one go made up for the time we lost." "We needed to make up for lost l ost time," Mike said, and dropped dropped a kiss on his wife's head. Jane gave him a look of devotion and then smiled at Sara. "I'll show you to your room. I'm sure you'll want to shower and change. Come through to the lounge when you're ready." Inevitably, as Sara knew it would, the conversation turned to Gavin. "I hope you saw him when you were on Balin B alinda?" da?" Jane Jane said. "I had a letter from him last week and he never mentioned it." "I saw saw quite a lot l ot of him," hi m," Sara replied, and then, then , because because subterfuge seemed wrong, blurted out: "I left the island because we quarrelled. I was very foolish and - " she drew a deep breath - "anyway, I'm going back to tell him I'm sorry." "That's what what I like l ike to hear," said Mike. Mike . "It's a rare woman who can admit she's
in the wrong!" "What a thing to say!" his wife expostulated. "Present company company excluded, of course," he said. "We now have proof that th at Sara can apologise, apologise, and you, my sweet, have never had reason." Slightly Sli ghtly more serious, he looked at Sara. "I'm glad you and Gavin have finally got together. When we were in Paris Jane and I both thought you were fond of each other." Sara could only nod, for she was still too emotionally overwrought to talk about Gavin with ease. But later that night as she sat in at the dressing-table brushing her hair, which fell like a honey cloud around her, Jane came in to see she had everything she needed and, perching on the edge of the bed, referred to what Mike had said earlier. "I can't answer for what your feelings were in Paris," she said, "but I know Gavin was in love with you. He talked of it on one occasion. I remember being terribly surprised, for he'd never talked about a girl before. I think he only did so because he was worried." "Worried?" Sara looked at Jane through the mirror. "By how young you were and his fear that he was rushing you. He felt he should give you a chance to see more life and to meet other men nearer to your age." "I've never loved anyone but Gavin." Sara put down the brush with hands that shook. "Admittedly when I met him in Paris I hadn't known anyone else, but in the last l ast few years I've I've met so many men, I've I've lost count." She Sh e swung round. "But none of them meant anything to me. It's always been Gavin." "What a pity you wasted wasted so much time. Not you," Jane added added hastily. "You're still very young, but my darling brother was fast becoming a crusty bachelor!" "He had plenty of admirers on Balinda." "But they meant nothing to him. When he stopped off here - which he always did en route to England - we'd introduce him to some stunning women. But he never took any notice of them. I'm glad he finally decided to seek you out again." "He didn't," Sara said. "I went to Balinda to see someone. That was how I met him."
"Strange," Jane mused. "Gavin has always fought for what he wanted. I always believed that once on ce he'd given you a couple of years to grow up, he would come after you." Sara drew a deep breath. "Our parting in Paris wasn't an amicable one. We quarrelled badly and I ran away. As I'm running now." "But this time you're running back." "Yes." Sara rested her head on her hands. "I wish to heaven I'd done it four years ago!" "Perhaps you were too young you ng then." Jane came came over to Sara. "If I hadn't been so caught up in my own affairs at that time, I might have been able to help you." Sara shook her head, knowing how impossible it would have been for her to have told Jane why she and Gavin had quarrelled. "You were so happily pregnant," she said quickly, "that it never entered my head to confide my miseries to you." "Happily "Happily pregnant." Jane smiled reminisc remini scently. ently. "That goes to show how wrong people can be! I was more unhappy then than at any time in my life." She squared her shoulders. shoul ders. "Mike and I were going through thr ough a pretty bad patch, patch, and even though I was pregnant I was toying with the idea of leaving him." Sara stared at her in astonishment and Jane gave a rueful smile. "I suppose I can tell you about it now that it's all over - particularly since your father has parted from your stepmother. It was Helen, you see. Mike made made a fool of himself over her while I was in Yorkshire. When I came back I knew immediately immediately that something was wrong, but but he was afraid to tell me." "How did you find out?" "Eventually he did tell me. When everything was over and there was no earthly reason for him to confess, he told me the whole story." Even though Jane was speaking speaking of the th e past her voice voi ce was vibrant, vibrant, as if the scene was being re-enacted, as perhaps it was for her. "Mike said he couldn't live with me unless there was complete truth between us. He wanted to explain why Helen had bowled bowled him hi m over. There's no point going into the th e reasons," she said, "except that they made sense to me, and from then on our marriage has never looked back. back. In fact, until I saw you you tonight, toni ght, I hadn't given Helen a thought."
"I wonder wonder if i f I could be so forgiving," Sara said softly. "If you love someone enough it isn't hard to forgive." She gave a wide smile. "Gavin will tell you the whole story. Poor darling, he was involved in it up to his neck." "Was he?" Sara asked in a choked voice. Jane nodded. "If "If you'd been older he h e would probably have told you about it at the time, ti me, but I guess guess the poor darling darli ng was as anxious to protect you as he was to protect me. He loathed Helen from the moment he met her, but he couldn't tell you, of course, because because she was your stepmother." Jane paused. "Wher "Where e was I? Oh yes - Mike. Well, Mike wrote her a love letter and Gavin set out to get it back. Apparently he went charging up to her bedroom one night to force her to give it to him." Jane went on talking, but Sara did not hear her, too overwhelmed by remorse to absorb anything beyond the fact that she had to return to Gavin as quickly as possible. "Can Mike help me to get a flight?" fli ght?" She cut across Jane, Jane, who was still speaking. speaking. "I've got to get back to Gavin!" Gavin !" "Let's go and ask him now," Jane said gently. "I was hoping to have a couple of days' days' gossip gossip with you, but I see my brother's brother 's attraction is greater than mine." min e." Mike, reacting to Jane's insistent pressure, used all his influence to help Sara, and after endless en dless telephone calls her passag passage e was confirmed and, in the early hours of the following day, she was once more boarding an aeroplane. She had cabled Aunt Grace of her return but had deliberately not told Gavin, wanting to see his delighted surprise when she walked in on him. "What caused the change of heart?" hear t?" Grace Rickards Ri ckards said said as she greeted Sara at Pango Airport in the late afternoon. "I came came to my senses an hour out ou t from Nairobi," Nair obi," Sara said wryly. "I would have come back yesterday except except that I couldn't get a flight. fli ght. If it hadn't h adn't been for Mike, I wouldn't be back yet. Gavin's brother-in-law," she explained, seeing the older woman's quizzical look. "Of course." Grace Rickards remembered who he was and where where he fitted fi tted into the story. "I take it you didn't tell them why you'd quarrelled with Gavin?"
"There was no need. I'd already made up my mind." Sara drew a deep breath. "Jane talked about Paris, though. She confirmed what Gavin had said and that made made me feel even worse." "I take it you're going to see him?" ''Nothing can keep me away. I'll go back to the bungalow bun galow and freshen up, and then I'd like to borrow your car." "If I said no, would you be prepared to walk?" "I would crawl crawl to him h im on my hands and knees if i f necessary," necessary," Sara Sar a said huskily, and remembered this as, an hour later, she drove into the courtyard of the Governor's Residence. By not telephoning him, she was running the risk of not finding him there or, worse still, of finding him with Lydia. But no matter if he was. She was convinced he loved her and that his indifferent attitude in the restaurant had been a pretence. Parking the car, she ran up the shallow steps. The sentry recognised her and stepped back to let her pass. She entered the hall and the Balinda butler smiled a greeting. "Is the Governor at home?" she asked in a shaky voice. "In the library, Miss Claremont." He went forward to announce her, but she motioned him to remain where he was and sped across to the library door. She hesitated, then turned the handle and went in. Gavin was at his desk desk and, as he looked up and saw her, he h e rose. "I've "I've been expecting you, Sara." Halfway towards him she stopped. "You mean you knew I would come back?" "Jane telephoned me." "Oh dear," Sara said. "I begged begged Mike not to let you know because because I wanted it to be a surprise, but I never thought of telling Jane to keep quiet." "More's the pity," Gavin said. "Had you done so it might not n ot have spoiled your plans." He came came round roun d the side of the desk, but but it i t was the side furthest furth est from her, and he went to stand by the window which took him even further away. "Go on," he said harshly. "Say what you've y ou've come come to say. You obviously won't leave until you do." do."
"I have no intention of leaving." Her voice was husky and she cleared her throat. "I've come back to you." "And now you can please me by going." Puzzled, she stared at him, trying and failing to read an expression in the hard profile he had turned to her. "Don't you understand me, Gavin? I've come back to you. I realise real ise I was wrong. wrong. I should never have doubted you." "Your faith in me is astonishing," he said coldly. "But unfortunately it's come too late." The fear that had been rising in her since coming into this room and seeing his cold withdrawn face was so strong that it was threatening thr eatening to eradicate all reason. Gavin could not be sending her away. For four years he had gone on loving her; he couldn't have changed in a couple of days. Not even Lydia could make him do that. "You love me, Gavin," she said, throwing pride to the wind. "I know you're angry with me - hurt even - but you do love me. That's why you've got to forgive me." She ran over and put her hand on his arm. He did not push it away so much as withdraw himself. "I do forgive you," he said quietly, quietly , "and I do love you, heaven help me, but I have no intention of marrying you." "Why not?" "Because I can't can't stand any more scenes like this!" th is!" "There wouldn't be any more scenes like this." "Do you expect me me to believe belie ve that?" he grated. "I'm "I'm not a callow youth, Sara, Sar a, I'm a man of thirty-five thir ty-five and I know that th at people don't change. change. I thought you might as you grew older, but I realised r ealised a couple of days ago ago that you hadn't." "I have!" she cried. "That's why why I came back. back. I haven't let four years go by this time. Not even four days!" "Because you met Mike and an d Jane," he bit out. "I know what she said to you. She told me over the phone." Sara cast her mind back back to last night ni ght - it seemed seemed so long ago - and remembered Jane telling her of Mike's confession. "Jane had nothing to do
with my coming back," she cried. He flung her a look of disbelief and went over to a tray of drinks which stood on a bamboo trolley next to the settee. She heard the gurgle of liquid and the splash of a soda syphon and watched him take his drink at a gulp. It said much for his disturbed state of mind that he did not offer her one, and the knowledge gave her the courage to run across to him. "Gavin, look at me. I won't leave you until you look me in the face and tell me to go." Slowly he pivoted round and stared at her fully. His face was colourless beneath his hi s tan and his hi s eyes were as opaq opaque ue as those of a blind bli nd man's. man's. "Please get out of my life, li fe, Sara. I'll manage to make somethin something g of it without withou t you. I'll even find fi nd some some semblance semblance of happiness, given enough time. ti me. But I have no no intention of making my life with you." Sara felt her vitality seep away like sand in an hourglass. Never had she believed that Gavin would say this. "Why?" she cried brokenly, uncaring that the tears were pouring down her face. "Why are you so cruel?" "I've "I've told you." His voice voi ce was so so soft that she had to strain strai n to hear h ear it, i t, and she knew that the anger that had given him the impetus to speak to her so brutally had left him as drained of energy as she was herself. "It's no use, Sara. Without Wi thout trust tr ust we'll never have a moment's happiness. happiness. I'll I'll always be afraid that you'll doubt me, and you will always be afraid that I'll let you down. At the moment you don't believe I was Helen's lover, but how will you feel a month from now, or in six months? What will happen when you see me talking to a pretty woman - and I have to talk to many pretty ones in the course of my duties - won't you start suspecting me all over again?" ''Of course course not," she cried. cri ed. "I'll "I'll never ne ver doubt you." "Fine words," words," he scoffed. scoffed. "I proved them with actions," she said. "I came back, didn't I?" "Only because Jane made you realise reali se what a fool you'd been." "I tell you my coming coming back had nothing nothin g to do with your sister. She doesn't doesn't even know why we quarrelled."
"She still told you about Mike and Helen." Gavin's hands gripped her shoulders. "That's why you came back. back. Don't lie to me, Sara!" "I'm not lying." She felt his hold tighten and winced with the pain. "I made up my mind to come come back before before I landed l anded at Nairobi. If I could have turned tur ned the plane round in mid-air I would have done so 1" "You expect me me to believe belie ve that!" he h e stormed. "It's true. I was already on a stand-by flight to return here before I even met Mike. If you don't believe me, ring him up and ask him." Gavin went on looking at her and slowly the opaqueness left his eyes. Their blue intensified and deepened as he allowed them to focus on her, and she had the feeling that he was drawing the sight of her into the very depths of his being. "Sara," he said brokenly, and pulled her into his arms, running his hands across her body as if to make sure she was really there. "Sara," he said again, and pressed his cheek to hers. She felt the trembling of his body, a trembling which increased as he went on holding her and murmuring soft endearments that held no rhyme or reason yet were infinitely satisfying. With a sob she turned her face up to his. "Kiss me," she whispered. "Make me come alive." It was a long time before reason returned enough for them to speak rationally, and by then they were sitting together in an armchair, her slender body curled up in his lap, his hand caressing her silky hair. "It was believing that Mike and Jane had made you change your mind that made made it impossible impossible for me to accept your return r eturn," ," he explained. explain ed. "I've "I've never considered myself a proud man, but thinking you had to have other people restore your faith in me was more than I could take." "My heart was winging winging its i ts way back back to you before I set eyes on Mike," she repeated. "And believe me, darling, darlin g, I didn't didn't encourage Jane to talk tal k about Paris." She tilted her head to look into his eyes. "I wasn't even aware that Jane knew the truth about Mike. You never told me." "You're right," he said, and tenderly caressed her neck. "Did you tell Jane why you ran away from Paris?"
"I was too ashamed," Sara confessed. "If Jane could forgive Mike for what actually happened, how could I tell her I'd made you suffer for four years for something that never happened?" His answer was to gather her closer, but it did not lessen her guilt. "I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for that," she whispered. "I'll do everything in my power power to make it up to you." you ." "You've done that by coming back back to me today. And there'll be no more parting partin g for us," he went on thickly. "Our future is together." "What a wonderful thought! Can we begin the togetherness now?" "You're a temptress," he warned. "And are you tempted?" tempted?" "What do you think?" he replied, and not waiting for her to answer, kissed her deeply on the mouth. Held close, Sara knew she had at last come home.
