18802401 a Modern Man Living Guide to Seduction

Does it ever occur to women that maybe a guy might like to have a plan…He’s not sure that he could just walk up to you and you’d respond if he said: “I like you”. - Hitch

This book is copyright 2009 with all rights reserved. It is illegal to copy, distribute, or create derivative works from this book in whole or in part, or to contribute to the copying, distribution, or creating of derivative works of this book. By downloading this book, you hereby agree that you are of a legal age to view material of a sexual nature and some use of profanity. Copyright © 2009 www.modernmanliving.com By Sean Adams All rights reserved.

CONTENTS INTRODUCTION PART ONE: SEE THE MATRIX

1

Change how you see male-to-female relationships.

PART TWO: UNDERSTANDING ATTRACTION

11

A full definition of attraction and what attracts a woman.

PART THREE: THE IMPORTANCE OF VALUE

20

If women have not wanted you so far, here is why.

PART FOUR: HAVE A SEDUCTIVE INTERACTION

31

Break away from normal conversation and learn how to seduce.

PART FIVE: HANDLING INTERRUPTS AND RESISTANCE

41

Seduction is never straight forward. How to overcome obstacles.

PART SIX: DECIDING WHERE TO TAKE IT

60

Avoid being selfish and find a mutual agreement for you both.

PART SEVEN: HOW IT ALL WORKS TOGETHER How to use seduction.

65

A „MODERN MAN LIVING‟ GUIDE TO SEDUCTION

INTRODUCTION I am no seduction guru. And I don‟t go around picking up hot women and models. All I can really say is- I do have the knowledge and the understanding to apply these seduction principles to my life whenever I need to. I‟m not wasting my time on all of the wrong arguments, or feeling insecure when a girl tests me, or even being hurt when I get rejected. I see seduction as an ordinary part of life. All of our lives can be fitted into categories- and seduction is a tool which clears up your relationship category. You don‟t have to be confused by it all. You can just get on with it. And a lot of guys play by the wrong rules. Also, they have their own inner issues which prevent them from taking on seduction. But one daythey will need these skills. Otherwise they will just get trapped into a relationship they do not want, with a woman who only wants them because she feels safe with a weaker male figure- she feels secure knowing she can control him. But you want to be in control of what you want and what you can get. Some guys can have these techniques naturally. If you ask them how they do it, they‟ll just say, “It‟s easy”. Well, it‟s not easy if you play with the wrong rules. It‟ll be like playing tennis with a basketball. And you are not a loser for wanting to learn seduction. Your mum would never tell you the right rules. She will tell you to be polite with women, show respect, buy her drinks, look after her. And yes, they are all valid- but they come AFTER you have sparked attraction and you are seen as a high value man.

A GUY NEEDS A PLAN TO GET THE GIRL HE WANTS I never used to believe that. I thought it was coercive to have a “plan”. I believed all you needed was to be yourself and just have a conversation. Fortunately, after a lot of confusion, I learned otherwise. Some guys out there are not so lucky. i|INTRODUCTION www.modernmanliving.com


The „Hitch‟ quote was spot on. A man can no longer go up to a woman and say, “I like you”. He will only get a “Thank you” with a hidden thought of, “I bet he says that to all of the girls”. And anyway, why should that be enough? Her knickers do not fall off simply through saying you like her. And the “Be yourself” thing…How do must guys achieve the “Be yourself” attitude with women? Usually it is the DEFAULT way of doing things…

- They give without asking for anything in return. - They compliment without reason. - They offer everything. - They want to chase after a girl without her even attracting him. What we do not realise is we are working backwards. We are showing all of our protector and provider traits. But we don‟t realise women are independent nowadays, and we are part of a 6.7 BILLION race where there are an abundance of men out there for her to choose from. It‟s ridiculous when you think about it like that. Even women feel it is ridiculous to believe his compliments are enough reason for her to go with him. And unless they learn how attraction works- they have no clue where they are going wrong. This leads to them getting frustrated with women for all the wrong reasons. As you read this book, you will know we respond to evolutionary wiring, but we are living in a modern world with new rules. It is bound to create conflict. Many of the men who believe the above method are feeding off of what women tell them to be true, when really- the real ways to seduce her are a secret. Society wants to keep it a secret. It could be a feminine influence, but you will see why it has been kept a secret. Women have so many consequences they have to consider- and as a man, we have to understand them. There are so many consequences for a woman by letting you seduce her. We cannot truly believe that going up to a girl and saying to her you find her attractive works….Reason? Because so many other guys living on the old rules keep trying it. ii | I N T R O D U C T I O N www.modernmanliving.com


And when they have said she is attractive and she “fell for it”, she ended up going through the worst consequences- being used, or being pregnant, or he fed her lies and she latched onto them etc. My belief is always about living as a man in a modern world. We need to catch up to how things work. If you are still living on old rules- then you won‟t get anywhere. So in this guide, you will learn how seduction should REALLY work. The method has been working for generations, yet today- our challenges are different. This is not a guide on how to get a woman into bed. There is clearly a separation between the sexes- each must fit like ying and yang into their roles. But women are not your play toy for sex. Their emotions and desires are things you should take into consideration.

SEDUCTION IS A BALANCE Use it to your own gain whilst neglecting hers will only breed more insecurity in women. If you have a strong sense of your own reality- yes, women will follow you, but she will ENJOY following you. Forget what society tells you, and do not feel guilty for seduction. Bee‟s dance. Lions Roar. Peacocks spread. Men compete. Seduction is always happening, so learn how to do it effectively.

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PART ONE: SEE THE MATRIX Seduction has a very negative connotation. I mean, even the dictionary definition is „to entice someone astray‟. But when seducing the opposite sex, we have to understand that seduction MUST be used in order to make things happen. It plays an important role in human culture. Well, in any culture I should imagine. If we never tried to seduce and “entice the opposite sex astray”, then both men and women would be at a stand off. Women would be thinking, “Why hasn‟t he swept me off my feet yet?”,

and

men

would

be

thinking,

“Month

subscription of porn. Very nice. How much?” Seduction is bad! Seduction is naughty! …Ugh, what poppycock. How would any race continue without somebody being seduced? Obviously when two people first meet it is hard to know whether they are compatible or not. So if either want to have sex- it requires action…it requires seduction. Typically, it should be the man who takes the lead to make something happen. The women will be merely suggestive to encourage his actions in a subtle way.

THE MAIN CONFLICT WITH SEDUCTION Who is gaining from seduction? The reason why there has been such a clash about the subject is because women seem to get the bad end of the deal. Women want more than just sex. They want a long term partner who will love them. The man is simply out for sex (initially). So if he manages to seduce her to do the bad thing, the man can easily leave while the woman feels used as he goes his separate way.

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This is why women had to flip the script. They were constantly getting the bad end of the deal. And as pregnancy and babies can often be the result of some nookie- it leaves the women in quite a predicament. And thus, society encouraged women not to give in so easily to men‟s manipulation.

“HE‟S ONLY OUT FOR ONE THING” Nobody can blame women for that ideology. There have been many seducers throughout history who have fed women a web of lies just to satisfy their lust. But if women held on to the ideology, then there would be a stale mate. The struggle to seduce would become more and more difficult. There had to become a balance.

THE CHANGE OVER Fortunately, women don‟t latch on to the notion so tightly. It wasn‟t so long ago when a new wave of female sexual expression came. Women were allowed to say they like sex, and they were allowed to enjoy it. They have more play things upstairs than Toys „R‟ Us. And because of the

pill

and

contraception‟s-

they can have sex without any repercussions. And that is a position we live in today- women enjoy sex (I‟ll explain

later).

However,

the

emotional aftermath has still not reached a clear cut point. Men have tried to compensate for it by being more affectionate with women. They would respect a woman and become „the nice guy‟. He would do whatever he could to prove that he is a man worthy of making her happy and be there for her.



But once again, men began to realise that being the nice guy did not work. In the same way that women once felt used and worthless- men began to feel the same way. He would do all that he could for her, only to find that his feelings were not matched. Guys created a community to learn seduction- Pick Up Artists. They were the frustrated ones who had the balls to admit defeat and learn attraction from scratch. They wanted to understand it. There are so many conflicting messages about how a guy should be.

WOMEN SAY THEY WANT ONE THING, BUT THEY RESPOND TO ANOTHER Some wires were clearly being crossed. And these crossed wires go on all the damn time. So you can see why seduction is so difficult. We are seeing the world through the wrong lens. So the first part of learning seduction is to….

UNDERSTAND WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON WITH MEN AND WOMEN It would drive you crazy to try and understand all the back n‟ forth fiasco and conflicts. So to understand how to spark intimacy with a woman you have to:

FORGET EVERYTHING YOU HAVE BEEN TOLD It‟s a generalisation for you to do that, but you can‟t risk being polluted with all the naff ideas out there. So forget what your mum told you. Forget what your girl friend told you in your teens before she left you. Forget what you see in romance films. You should probably forget what your dad told you too if he ever took the time out for it.



Forget it all- because 90% of the beliefs about seduction are fiction. You are always encouraged to be the nice and respectful guy. But as you have probably learned throughout your short but colourful life- that is not the case.

CHANGE YOUR PERCEPTION OF WOMEN What you want to achieve in the beginning is to SEE WOMEN DIFFERENTLY. This does not mean hating on women. This is simply UNDERSTANDING NATUREThe evolutionary nature that has kept it all going. So here are a few things you need to come to grips with. And as you progress through this mini course, you will put together the pieces that confirm these beginning perceptions. A few suggestions that you might want to read and check out:

„The Red Queen‟ by Matt Ridley „The Mating Mind‟ by Geoffrey Miller „Sperm Wars‟ by Robin Baker „My Secret Garden‟ by Nancy Friday They are books about sexual evolution, our biological and animal instincts, and female fantasy. You have to go to the core to understand male-to-female relationships because society has messed it all up for us. You‟re being lured into the nice guy fallacy where you are communicating ALL of the wrong things. And you can‟t ask women what really works for them because they too have been led to confusion. You will only get a reel of manufactured responses. “A guy who respects me…who will look after me…who makes me laugh” All plausible, but stilla man would not be able to get what he wants by following those rules. So here are some new beliefs you should follow as you read through this book:



1. THERE IS USUALLY AUTOMATIC TENSION BETWEEN THE SEXES I mean a flirtatious tension. We are all constantly checking others out to assess their value and attractiveness. It doesn‟t mean we pursue anything, but it does mean we subconsciously seek it out. It‟s especially true when a guy and a girl are left alone in a room. Sometimes it is automatically assumed they will find something in common and become closer. There is a tension as to whether you should keep things safe and respectful, or whether you want to flirt as you check out each others signals. This tension is just there for us. And you have to ask yourself, why is it there? Why do we all subconsciously feel we have to check out other people‟s attractiveness and value? And why can it sometimes feel uncomfortable being left alone with the opposite sex? Some people are obviously more receptive to these feelings than others- but it‟s difficult to ignore the feelings.

2. SEDUCTION IS A NATURAL PROCESS. We are a species, and every species has a mating ritual. It‟s not learnt at a seduction school. It is not altered by “What will they think? Will I get rejected?” thoughts. It is purely down to NATURAL INSTINCT. We have this innate instinct in our own species, which is probably why we have the tension mentioned in #1. But we do have a consciousness, so we cannot always act on our own primal instincts. Doing so would cause all kinds of crap. You‟d probably

be

spreading

your

seed in every female going- not wise. So we do have to harness our instinctive nature for the sake



of society and emotions. That‟s okay, as long as you respect the boundaries of other peoples personal freedom.

3. WOMEN WANT (AND EXPECT) TO BE SEDUCED, AND THEY ENJOY SEX Everybody wants more of a good thing. And every women mentions she wants to be swept off of her feet. Yes, women want to be seduced- but only by the ones who do it right The selective few are the ones who UNDERSTAND how it all works. She probably has guys in abundance checking her out and constantly trying it on with her, so she can afford to be very selective. But once the attractive guy who gets it comes along- she will do everything she can to align with him. Why? Because, yes, there are many guys out there…but a high percentage of them seduce in the wrong way…if you can even call it „seduce‟. If you read Nancy Friday, you will read about female fantasies from genuine women. It unearths the libido many women feel they have to suppress. All women feel a social pressure to uphold to a pristine and pure image. No girl wants to be known as a slut by her social peers. And these are often the fantasies women want to play out in the bedroom. They want to take on the forbidden as a role in the bedroomlike the helpless rape victim, or the shy girl wanting to be really slutty etc. Her libido is like the wind- just because you cannot see it, doesn‟t mean it isn‟t there.

4. WOMEN SEDUCE US WITH THEIR ATTENTION TO APPEARANCE In PART TWO, you will understand how attraction works. As for this part, you have to understand that men are not the only ones who seduce. Why does every girl LOVE to dance? Why does every girl LOVE to take pictures? Why does every girl LOVE to go shopping?



They are all unconscious habits of women who want to display themselves the best they can, so that potential suitors will spot them and want to seduce them. It‟s a catch-22 for women. They want potential suitors to find them appealing and attractive, but as they are doing it, all the wrong guys might show up. But is that enough to stop a woman from doing it? Hell no! It‟s their way of seduction. The way she moves on the dance floor…the way she chooses the right dress to show off the right curves or push up her boobs etc. I‟ve had the unfortunate experience of trying on a pair of high heels. Why anybody would want to wear them more than once baffles me, unless there is something deeper going on. Pay attention to the detail a woman goes through to look good. Whether she is competing with other females to stand out more, or maybe just to feel good…it doesn‟t matter. It all comes down to an unconscious strategy to attract, which then leads to seduction. So do not apologise for trying to seduce a woman. If you seduce her in the right way, she will feel absolutely amazing that she has been noticed. It‟ll be like Johnny Depp

has

literally

come

up

to

her

and

said,

“I

like

your

dress”.

5. ALWAYS REACH A MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING Men want sex, women want relationships…and women also want sex. But because of social status, a woman does not want to be perceived as a slut. She has to appear to have high moral standards, even though she may be craving for it inside. Her social appeal far outweighs her desire to have sex (in most cases). Women may even want a cheeky flirt with a guy, as long as her boyfriend doesn‟t see it happening. But you do not want to be the guy who can manipulate her feelings about these, just so long as YOU get what you want. You have to respect what she wants. After all, girls will constantly tell you, “Just because I‟m going into your bedroom, it doesn‟t mean we are going to have sex”. She will always try to defend her



reputation and social image. She will say no in many ways, but this is the art of a seducer- you gain the ability to gauge when she genuinely doesn‟t want anything. Also, as you learn the techniques, yes you will be able to manipulate the situationBut it doesn‟t mean that you should. If you are telling her you love her and adore her, just to make her melt in your arms as you carry her to the bedroom, but in the back of your mind you know you will be gone in the morning- that is unfair manipulation. Be honest from the get go. Integrity goes a long way for somebody who learns the natural way of seduction. Ross Jeffries said it best, “Always leave a woman better than when you found her”. She is not your conquest.

6. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO SEDUCE My granddad once offered me this advice:

IF YOU DON‟T FUCK HER, SOMEBODY ELSE WILL He didn‟t have much tact. But he also means- if you do not make the move to seduce her, no doubt some other guy will. It is a continual thing that will always go on. She wants to be seduced. She seduces you by her external appearance. It‟s natural, and seduction HAS to happen otherwise nobody will go with anybody. No naughty time. All the above make you realise that YOU ARE allowed to seduce women. You should not apologise for it or feel bad. She asks for it, and you want it. Our nature would not have gotten this far if we all stood at the far ends of the dance floor. The only lines to stay in between are using these techniques with respect and maintain your honesty and integrity. At least that way seduction can be a pleasure, both for you AND for her. The flirting, the teasing, the tension, and the unpredictability- they are all actions and feelings which feel good when you are having them done to you by somebody 8|SEEING THE MATRIX www.modernmanliving.com


you are attracted to. You can make her feel good by giving her attention in all of the right ways. Saying, “You‟re beautiful” by itself doesn‟t cut it anymore. You have to have an overall sexual and attractive attitude about you. Without it, it just doesn‟t work.

ONE MORE THING FORGET LOGIC Look at how far logic would get you if you took the idea of, „If she says she wants that in a guy, then being it means she will want me‟- you will get nowhere. You can‟t define how to seduce the opposite sex by logic alone. You have to read between the lines. As I said earlier, a woman will never tell you directly what she wants from you. With that in mind- the seduction path is never really defined for you. You will not get exact answers. But as you practice the techniques with these new perceptions in mind- your instinct and awareness will improve, giving you much more confidence in knowing when she is receptive and when to pull away.

Next… ATTRACTION- UNDERSTAND WHAT WOMEN WANT IN A MAN.



SUMMARY It took a while for women to be able to admit they enjoy sex. With contraception, women were allowed to be a bit more aloof because it prevented the consequence of being tied down with children. They can be as promiscuous as men, Or can they?

Women have a lot of consequences with sex- she has her reputation to worry about, and the aftermath. Men only want sex, so it requires a man to work towards a balance. Men seduce to get sex, but women do not want to be easy to give it because of social perceptions and morals.

There are too many mixed messages about what women find attractive- so forget everything you have been told. Start from the beginning...

1. THERE IS USUALLY AUTOMATIC TENSION BETWEEN THE SEXES 2. SEDUCTION IS A NATURAL PROCESS 3. WOMEN WANT (AND EXPECT) TO BE SEDUCED, AND THEY ENJOY SEX. 4. WOMEN SEDUCE US WITH THEIR ATTENTION TO APPEARANCE 5. ALWAYS REACH A MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING 6. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO SEDUCE

To understand how attraction works- forget logic. Nobody like the mass media or women will tell you how it really should be.

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PART TWO: UNDERSTANDING ATTRACTION We need to understand how attraction works. We can‟t turn to society or women for the genuine answers. It‟s filled with confusion and red herrings. The best way to understand attraction is to first look at our own responses, and then apply it to evolution to see how it all fits together.

WHAT ATTRACTS A MAN TO A WOMAN? We know the obvious answers. Every magazine and media publication knows the answers too. But also, forget your own personal preferences for a moment. It doesn‟t matter if you prefer blondes over brunettes; bitches with attitude or cute and shy girls- we are looking at our core, the one that has been able to make our ancestors mate each other even when we had no such thing as language.

For evolutionary attraction- Imagine a world without language. And the things we are immediately drawn to are:

-

Youth

-

Beauty

-

Curves and Slenderness

-

Breasts

Beauty is a category that includes her smile, her facial features and her overall appearance including skin and hair. Put it all together and you have nothing but external switches that attract us. This is not to say personality plays a big part. But we would not know about a person‟s personality without language. And what do all of these add up to?

-

She is healthy and vibrant

-

Ability to have children

-

She has a higher success rate of raising the child

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It‟s true, we don‟t look at a beautiful women and think, “Damn! Oh she is going to be SO good at having my baby. I want her”. It‟s instinctive and out of our control. Think about it. A guys first thoughts when noticing a woman are all about her appearance and how „sexy‟ she looks. He hardly ever thinks, “I wonder if she can make me laugh”.

TRY THIS… Put your hand flat out on the table. Look down at your index finger, and tell it to move. Just internally say, “Move”. Can you do it? I‟m assuming you won‟t be able to do it. With our body and our psychology we can‟t WILL things to happen. You can‟t choose what or when you get an erection. People may joke about our manhood is independent of us- but it does feel like that at times. This little test proves to you there is something deeper going on. You can‟t move your finger by giving it a command. You don‟t even have to think about it. It is just done naturally.

NATURAL ATTRACTION Apply this principle to attraction. You cannot control it- it just happens naturally and we respond to it. This is at the deepest level of us, and there have been many layer additions as we have progressed and evolved- But the core still remains the same. Unless there is going to be a HUGE genetic mutation, like the small ones which have already happened to introduce homosexuality to humans as it changes their internal chemistry, then this is how it‟s going to be.



You can‟t argue with instinct. We were never shown what to feel attracted to. We never went to attraction school which said, “You will be attracted to X, Y and Z”. And we shouldn‟t be so naïve and closed minded to think it only applies to men. Women have these responses too which they cannot control. And the mistakes men typically make are down to social influence. A lot of us also go on the same rational thinking- if I show I‟m attracted to her, then she will be attracted to me. That‟s stupid. That is like thinking if I say I love somebody, they will automatically love me back. Attraction is a feeling, and it needs to be triggered. So we need to trim away the social influence (talked more about in Resistance and Interrupts) and notice what goes on at a woman‟s core.

WHAT WOMEN RESPOND TO Remember- women do not consciously think about this, just as you don‟t think about liking her because she is healthy enough to have children. It just happens for her. She will get turned on or she will get urges to act on her impulses. So what are they? Put simply, they are:

VALUE AND STATUS Keep on thinking back to a world without words and a social structure. It was all down to survival, and a woman could not survive on her own…

(Note how women still have a big fear of being alone. Even in a big world with a huge population, that fear can still overwhelm her. And the older she gets, the more



she feels it. Because she too instinctively knows youth and health plays a big part in raising a child.) She had to be with a man who was capable of surviving. As women naturally fell into the roles of being at home to care for the children, men were out hunting and being go-getters.

SHE COULD NOT AFFORD TO BE WITH A MAN WEAKER THAN HER Women today complain about men not being real men. And what they mean by that is- he is appearing to be weaker than her. He doesn‟t have the emotional strength or the mental attitude to survive in this world. He would rather go out with the lads and drink (and we wonder why women get frustrated by this one too) rather than improve or have success. When you look around you, you see the core attraction points still in play in today‟s world. They often lead to misunderstanding and confusion, but you cannot argue that they still play an important part in maintaining male-to-female relationships.

NOTICING VALUE AND STATUS We can only know a woman is healthy by her appearance. We look at her hips, her legs, her facial features, her hair, her skin…everything- just to get a perception about her. How do you think women notice if a man has value and status? I.e. - the main factors which attract her to a man. She too has to observe. However, the unfortunate thing is it cannot all be down to external factors. Just because I have big muscles and I can move a house, doesn‟t mean I have emotional value. Sure I can defend and protect her- but what about being strong emotionally and mentally? No woman would want a man to hide under the bed if somebody broke into the house. He has to be man enough to step up. Once again, remember she is not conscious of this screening process. It is instinctive. And these value traits are:



-

EVOLUTIONARY VALUE

-

SOCIAL VALUE

-

EMOTIONAL VALUE

-

SEXUAL VALUE

-

PROTECTOR AND PROVIDER VALUE

1. EVOLUTIONARY VALUE What woman wants a man shorter than her? This is evolution assuring that the man has a powerful dominance, and a woman feels comfort in seeing he is taller than her. He may be a skinny runt with gangly legs, but height is a sure sign of having dominance. Also as part of evolution are the traits for survival, Ask yourself: Are you willing to do whatever it takes to get what you want?..Because if you are, then that is a sign of AMBITION and CONFIDENCE. No woman would want a man who plays it safe all of his life. How could he venture off to new ground if he is fearful of the dark in that cave they just found? This could be the reason for the „Bad Boy‟ image. The bad boy takes risks and tries the unknown, and he is not tamed by inferior thoughts. He goes out and does what he wants. So do you have survival traits? Or are you tamed by shyness and fear? This is why women put confidence at the top of their list. Confidence proves you are not weaker than her- you are confident enough to do what needs to be done.

2. SOCIAL VALUE How many women LOVE their friends and family? How many say, “they have helped me through so much. Without them, I wouldn‟t be who I am today”? Women NEED a social peer group. It‟s a form of security for her. It goes back to the not wanting to be left alone thing. Women absolutely need their friends, and you have to respect it as her way of feeling secure. Women are by no means incapable



of being independent and surviving alone, but their friends are always there for them (or at least they should be) So a woman would not want to align with a man who lacks social intelligence. If her friends do not like you, then that will make her question whether she wants to cause rifts and lose her social circle. That is why girls always look to their friends for confirmation about you. Hey, you‟re in front of a judge and jury, but don‟t take it personally. To see if you have social value- it will be things like how your personality shines through as you talk to her. Are you great with people? Are you surrounded by friends and people liking you? It‟s a contest you have to win before you even enter.

3. EMOTIONAL VALUE Women are more in tune with their feelings than a man. They have to be. They are designed to one day raise a baby inside of them. They are in tune with how their body works and the sensations they feel. So comforting things like soft kisses, cuddles, relaxing picnics on a warm daythey sound romantic by nature, but they are feelings and sensations. Another feeling is laughter. If you can stimulate her to make her laugh- then you make her feel good.

4. SEXUAL VALUE This is how desirable you are sexually. It does not relate to length, girth and stamina. I believe this to be very important. It is what separates you from the rest of the chumps. Why? It is because it encourages you to put your interaction with her in a sexual and intimate frame. Most guys do not do that. They can have everything else in place, but if you do not communicate that you are sexually attracted to her, then you will simply be seen as a friend- even if you are overall attractive to her.



The way she observes this is by noticing how other women react to you. Ever heard the line, “I bet you say that to all the girls”. If you show that women are comfortable around you and they want you, other women see this as you being highly sexual, but in a confident and comfortable way for other women to respond to.

5. PROTECTOR AND PROVIDER VALUE Women are all about security, so what gives her that? They are Things like money (financial security); a man who makes it a priority to look after her (providing security); a man who is confident and emotionally strong (protector security); a healthy man (offspring and long-term security)….and so on. So those are what women need to observe in a man to make her purr.

THE CONFUSING PART It‟s quite a big list to consider just to get her wanting you. And the biggest question always asked is, “What is a woman attracted to the most?” I believe that to be a preference for the woman which is determined by her past and her upbringing. Some women see a man who loves sex- and it turns her on. Some women want a weak man she can control because she is fed up of being hurt. Some women see money and think, “I‟m made for life!”. The underlying factor is- she will usually go for the man who has a lot to offer her. It‟s a selfish game, but we all do it. All relationships are based on value. There is no definite winner. For example, if women like financial security- then why not have Bill Gates or Roman Abramovich up on their walls? No, they have people like Hollywood hunks and superstars.



It‟s not down to looks. It‟s down to sex appeal. Being seen (or perceived) as a popular guy- with plenty of pre-selection and social status. This is why you cannot view attraction in a logical sense. All you can really say is- women want the whole package (I know- Greedy)

SO WHAT NOW? You know what a woman instinctively finds attractive. And if you look around you, you will see it is carrying on today. Women are already in tune with what men want, so they align with their instinctsthey are drawn to fashion, shopping and looking young and healthy. Those are methods to give the green light for seduction. So a man must consciously take on methods to COMMUNICATE his value to a woman. It is all about communication. However, it is easy to manipulate factors to make her assume you have them. Example, turn up in a posh sporty jag you borrowed off of your friend (she doesn‟t have to know that) and you are communicating wealth. But you don‟t want to be the guy who is manipulative just to compensate your lack of value. You need to go get it and achieve it. And that comes from your attitude.

Next… LEARN HOW TO SHOW YOUR VALUE, IN A SIMILAR WAY SHE DOES WITH HER APPEARANCE.



SUMMARY We know how we react when we see a beautiful woman. We cannot turn it on and off- it just happens to us. We subconsciously see her beauty as her being young and healthy. Women have the same automatic responses but to different things Women respond to VALUE AND STATUS in a man. Things like power, dominance and authority. These responses are natural and evolutionary. She cannot afford to be with a man who is weaker than her. But women cannot admit they want men to "overpower" them. Value women respond to: -

EVOLUTIONARY VALUE

-

SOCIAL VALUE

-

EMOTIONAL VALUE

-

SEXUAL VALUE

-

PROTECTOR AND PROVIDER VALUE

There is no magic bullet for attraction. It is an overall perception of high status. Otherwise women would have rich men on walls. But instead, they have musicians and Hollywood stars- the ones with sex appeal. Look around you and observe evolutionary attraction happening. When you do, you will understand you should follow the law of evolutionary attraction, and not what society tells you.



PART THREE: THE IMPORTANCE OF VALUE There are many schools of seduction out there, all creating techniques and strategies for seduction. The truth is, all these methods are simply tools to do one thing, and that is:

COMMUNICATE VALUE AND STATUS As long as you accomplish that in a way you are above her in value, then she will feel attracted to you. This DOES NOT mean put her down or belittle her. You will see what it means as we push along.

GOAL FOR SEDUCTION The goal for seduction is simple- create a connection that is open to intimacy and escalation. This means you are able to touch, kiss, hold hands, have sex, spend time with each other, connect with emotions etc. You cannot achieve that goal through conversation alone. Conversation by itself does not communicate value. And if you are both strangers- how is she expected to know you even have any value? So what you have to do is learn the basic principles to communicating your value in a positive way. One where she understands that you possess all of the valuable traits defined in part two.

FOCUS ON INNER GAME- LOOK AT THE BIGGER PICTURE Sparking attraction creates a space where you are both in your little world together. It involves teasing, flirting and connecting. But you cannot do this ALL of the time. I was once the guy who searched for the magic bullet to sweep her off her feet within 5 words or less (slight exaggeration).

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But I soon learned that attraction is a continual thing. You can be attracted to somebody, but then when they lack value- the attraction soon wears off. Isn‟t this the case with most relationships? Some relationships end because they can‟t invest time in each other so they drift apart. Some end because the sex life isn‟t as good as it once was. Some end because they don‟t stimulate each others emotions anymore- so people search for these “gaps” elsewhere. It‟s all related to value. With attraction being continual, you have to work on your inner game so that these tools to communicate become innate. That means you are NATURALLY attractive without thinking up the perfect thing to say or how to handle a situation. You just understand how attraction works, and your reactions unconsciously communicate value. Attraction cannot be switched on 24/7. It would be pointless learning the perfect lines and methods because they are short in length. For example, flirtatious banterYou cannot keep that up ALL of the time. It will be a short 10 minute dialogue- but the effects of it are amazing! Look at the bigger picture and see how women respond to you when you apply seduction techniques. They work by changing how she responds to you. When you see the matrix- it will just click into place for you.

ALLOWING ATTRACTION TO SPARK With friendly conversation, you get friendly responses back. But with ATTRACTIVE conversation- you get attraction responses back. She will flirt with you, she will tease you more, she will re-initiate if you pull away. These are the responses you want to have happen. You want to create a scenario where you are both seducing each other. And you create this scenario through the techniques I‟m about to tell you. If you DON‟T apply these techniques- then she will:

-

Assume you are not interested

-

Carry on normal conversation with you

-

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Suffice to say- we don‟t want that to happen. But those are the consequences if you do not set up a seduction scenario through flirting, teasing, banter etc.

LEARNING HOW TO COMMUNICATE YOUR VALUE So we know the drill- switch the conversation to seduction mode. And you must do it AT THE BEGINNING. You won‟t be able to establish yourself as a trustworthy friend and then start on seduction. Seduction always comes first. Communicating value is easy when you remember the rule:

IF SHE SEE‟S YOU WEAKER THAN HER, SHE WILL LOSE INTEREST Imagine if you did appear weaker than her. Her evolutionary wiring will be telling her, “How can I be with a guy who I am better than?” It‟s not a competition of the sexes; it is simply knowing your role as a man. Women nowadays are more than welcome to be better than men in sports, in careers…all kinds of things. But there is still a desire in a woman to find a man who is capable of being a real man- a man who doesn‟t leave everything up to her, who finds his own level of success, and keeps on improving. We need to communicate we have those traits for success and survival. But some guys can struggle with this concept. They believe they have to be similar to a dominant bully and control her. I think doing that is a HUGE sign of insecurity.

HOW YOU COMMUNICATE LOWER VALUE Let‟s get some perspective on how this works. Imagine you are with a girl, and you do some of the following things:

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You put yourself down a lot.

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You compliment her and show too much interest. 22 | T H E I M P O R T A N C E O F V A L U E

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-

When she leaves, you always reinitiate back with her.

-

Her little put downs and lack of interest upset you.

Those are just a few examples of a how a man lowers his value with a woman. If you look at the bigger picture, you will notice that they are all due to a man being REACTIVE to a woman. Whatever she does- he reacts to it in an, “I‟m lower than you” fashion. Why put yourself down?

You: Oh I am so useless at this. You: Seriously, a pit bull with a screwdriver could do this better. You: You don‟t want me. I‟m too ___________. Are you fishing for compliments? It‟s an IMMEDIATE turn off for a woman. It shows you have a very low opinion of yourself. So already she is thinking, “This guy can‟t even big up himself. Will I have to always pick him back up?” Complimenting her too much and showing your interest can be very sincere, and women do love compliments. But they would much prefer compliments from a guy who uses them sparingly.

You: I think you are so beautiful. Wow. You are amazing! Those are just fluff compliments. She has probably had hundreds of men tell her that already. And showing your interest saying things such as, “I really like you” too soon makes her wonder, “What have I done to make him like me?”.

YOU HAVE TO MAKE HER FEEL SHE IS SEDUCING YOU Too much of a good thing, is still too much. Even if you are her dream guy- by constantly reinitiating with her and not giving her a chance to miss you, then you subliminally cause her to lose interest in you. When we know something is there all the time, it can become invisible to us. It‟s like that jacket you wanted so bad a few months ago. Now you have it, it‟s in the back of the closet somewhere.



And when you are emotionally reactive- you show low control in your emotions (emotional value and evolutionary value). If you get upset or go into your cave because she hit a nerve, then how can you honestly be a man who survives?

HANDLING HER TESTS I was wrestling with the idea of putting this section into Part Four: Resistance and Interrupts- but I believe her tests are a natural part of the seduction process. A woman has to discover your value. It‟s like in an interviewyou could spin off a web of lies about yourself, “I‟m committed. I‟m

self-motivated”,

but

the

person hiring you will never know if you really are until they hire you. Women need to figure this out A.S.A.P, and they do it naturally. Tests are ways for her to see if you have the balls (value) to not be a little puppy dog.

Her: I have a big thing for dark haired guys. You look up- you have blonde hair. …Shit. How would you react to this? It is not her consciously testing you. However, it is a statement when she damn well knows you are not a dark haired guy. Do you take it personally? She knows you are investing in her, and yet she is putting up hurdles like this! The key is to NOT be reactive and focus on what she says. Bad responses will be you trying to put down dark haired guys, or ask, “Don‟t you like my hair?” That makes your reactions PERSONAL. Your best response could be, in a mocking way: 24 | T H E I M P O R T A N C E O F V A L U E www.modernmanliving.com


You: haha. What‟s wrong with blonde haired guys? This is questioning her preference and it puts her on the back foot. Women have this method of questioning a guy all the time.

You: I‟m here with my friends. Girl: Where are they? You: They‟re around somewhere. I lost them. Girl: What do you mean you lost them? You constantly have to come up to her level and feed her curiosity. So the blonde hair response prevents it from turning personal and emotionally reactive. It is only a statement- but it communicates a LOT, and it makes her feel like you have the authority (value) to question her without fear. To me, tests can be like a wrestle for status. If you are always on the back foot to her questions or requests, without even being quizzical about her at times- then you are lowering your value in her eyes. Sometimes they will be genuine and not tests. How do you know the difference? I think of it this way- Why ask you to buy a drink when she can obviously buy one herself? Why ask you to stay in one spot while she goes away for ten minutes when she can easily just find you later? Why throw out I prefer _______ (the opposite of you) when she can clearly see you are not it? Anything that makes you into a little puppy dog is a test- so don‟t be her little puppy.

COMMUNICATE VALUE FROM A DISTANCE A woman gets a general idea of you before you even talk to her. She will see how you dress and how you interact with everybody around you. Subtle signs of your body language and smile all suggest a lot about you. This is why seduction is really an art in communication. If she looks at you stood in a corner glancing around and then putting your head down- you are showing no 25 | T H E I M P O R T A N C E O F V A L U E www.modernmanliving.com


value. In the same respect, you could be with a group of guys all looking at the women and you stand at the side. A woman will look at this and know to be cautious of you- you‟re just a group on the prowl. Her defences will be much higher than normal with you. All of your external value will be easy if you have your inner game sorted. You will naturally be talking to others, and you will be friendly to all the girls and they will be responding to you in kind. Your body language will be confident and heading out taking on the world. So here are a few pointers for value at a distance:

1. STYLE UP AND GROOM YOURSELF Sorry to say, but looks are important. Well, not looks- but presentation. It doesn‟t matter about your build or features. All that matters is if you have the capability to present your best self. If you haven‟t groomed and you throw on just any rags, what does that communicate? It communicates laziness and lack of pride. Both of which are undesirable qualities.

2. BODY LANGUAGE AND PRESENCE Body language is a consequence of your inner game. It is a reflection of your state of mind at any one time. Depressed people often have their head down. Energetic people usually move fast and in an alert way. Calm and collected people move slow making the world come to them. Try to notice and think about what is perceived as LOW VALUE and HIGH VALUE. All top CEO‟s and heads of companies sit at the head of the table- so be in the centre. The leaders own territory. The one who holds the most shares has control of a company- so spread yourself out a bit and take up some space. You‟re not eager, you are relaxed- so lean back.



3. BE SOCIAL AND TALK TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN. Don‟t be resigned to only the pretty girls. Seduction is about conveying an overall attitude of value. By showing you talk to others and they respond to you, then you are communicating extremely high social value.

4. USE THE SEDUCTION TECHNIQUES WITH EVERY GIRL YOU MEET. A big indicator of value is for you to be PRE-SELECTED by other girls. If other women are reacting to you in an „attraction mode‟ way, then other women will feel secure in the knowledge that women are comfortable with you. These traits should be part of you in your everyday life. You don‟t manipulate them for the sake of looking high valueyou do them to BE of high value.

COMMUNICATE VALUE DURING YOUR INTERACTION Nobody likes a guy who brags, and everybody wants to put down those who come across as too high and almighty. But we do want to be creating and giving value. Otherwise you will be stood there like a lemon and asking all of the questions and only speaking when spoken to. When you have value, expect to be questioned (tests) at times. It‟s normal. The methods to communicate your value during interactions are simple if you follow a few rules:

-

Don‟t brag

-

Tell stories rather than directly say something about yourself

-

Emotional stimulation is key.

Bragging is a big no no. You are only putting yourself in the line of fire. Instead, use point number two and communicate your value through stories.



If you tell a story about how you recently helped a friend out financially- you are communicating you take care of your friends (protector), and you are wealthy enough to help out a friend (provider). If you talk about an experience with your ex-girlfriend and how you planned a weekend away for sex, but her parents invited themselves along- it‟s a funny situation (you have a good sense of humour), you have had a girlfriend before (social value by being pre-selected), and you are not shy about having sexy time (sexual value). All the qualities are sub-communicated through your stories. Women pick up on these little things- it‟s incredible how astute they can be. Other means of providing value through interactions are BEING FUNNY AND MAKING HER LAUGH. Your stories, when done right, can stimulate a lot of emotions. And that‟s what seduction is often all about

SEDUCTION IS HOW YOU MAKE HER FEEL The more you stimulate her emotionally, the more she will attach those feelings to you. Laughter is always welcomed by women. It feels good and it eases the mood. But it has to be the right type of humour. Men can have genuine laughs at toilet humour and silly stuff. What can I say- we‟re open minded. If you use self-deprecating humour with a woman, you will get “hehe, aww”. But if you say something like: You: Hell yeah. I‟m so cool I piss ice cubes. That will get a better reaction. The comedy balances out the arrogance. You are able to get away with it whilst still showing an air of confidence about yourself.



VALUE SUMMARY FROM A DISTANCE

Style and Grooming Body Language and Presence Social Value and talking to everybody Already pre-selected by other women

DURING INTERACTIONS

Tell stories to indirectly communicate value. Stimulate emotions. Make her laugh and use confident humour. Social intelligence and Great Conversation

(Note: If you want to improve your conversation skills, then go check out my ebook- Improvise Interactions – How to be social and think on your feet) So you know the basics of value and how to communicate it. You remember the simple rule: When you appear weak Next… NOW YOU HAVE VALUE, KNOW HOW TO USE IT FOR SEDUCTION.



SUMMARY All seduction techniques do is accomplish two things: 1) Communicate your value and status 2) Create a sexual tension and spike attraction Inner game should always come first. If you are naturally a man of valueyou will act as a man of value. You must initiate attraction with every girl and always from the beginning. It is always harder to be a lover after a friend. Always allow the potential of romance to happen with any girl Lower value = reacting to her and entering her frame of reality. If you are the one chasing and apologising, then you are lower value. Seduction is a two way thing. She has to feel invested into seducing you too. If not, she will wonder, "What the hell did I do to make him like me? I bet he does this to all the girls." Her tests are to appear to be a challenge. If she let you seduce her with no resistance- she will appear too easy. She wants to see if you are a confident man who gets what he wants. Value from a distance - body language, appearance, social value, preselection Value during interactions - personality, attitude, confidence, emotional stimulation, social skills Use stories to communicate your value indirectly.



PART FOUR: HAVE A SEDUCTIVE INTERACTION I‟ve established that normal conversation doesn‟t cut it when trying to seduce a girl. There has to be a different level of communication and banter between the two of you. And you can‟t just walk up to a girl and say to her, “I like you. Let‟s go back to my bedroom” and expect it to work. (Although after 6 JD and cokes, anything is possible) Seduction is about time, and your biggest virtue will be patience. If a beautiful woman came up to a man and said “let‟s have sex”- he probably will. We are driven by different desires and needs. Women have it a bit more difficult. To move interactions into sparking attraction- there has to be certain amounts of tension and interest, which result in feeling chemistry and connection. What happens is, you carry on being your loveable charming self- but you create spikes during the interaction where her attraction for you escalates. And here are the techniques to create attraction…

REMEMBER TO ATTRACT HER TO YOU FIRST BEFORE YOU SHOW INTEREST A girl you do not find attractive can hug you- and it means nothing. But when a beautiful girl you find attractive hugs you- it has all kinds of different meanings and feelings. This principle applies to every woman out there. If she does not find you attractivethen a hug is just a hug. But if she is attracted to you through your communication of higher value- then the hug will have a different meaning. Why did he hug me like that? Why was it a bit longer this time? He‟s holding me lower down, why did he do that?”

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So as soon as she finds you attractive, and you use these techniques to increase her attraction for youthen you will impact her differently by what you say and do. A compliment always holds more weight from somebody you respect and admire. The moment you chase, you appear weaker and give up all of your attraction. This is where the importance of balance comes in. A guy can try too hard to be in charge ALL of the time. But at times she will be genuinely upset or genuinely in need of you to go comfort her and help

her.

This

is

you

showing

you

have

PROTECTOR value. Other than those times- she has to feel like she is coming to you and winning YOU over. You have to be the larger than life attractive guy who she DECIDES to seduce. It isn‟t very rewarding for her if she gets you straight away. How do you know she is attracted to you? Well, if you have laid the groundwork of establishing high value and held firm through her tests- she will be intrigued and attracted to you. You will notice her reciprocating more and pulling you back in with questions and conversation. When you notice these indicators of her interest, then you are allowed to be free to express your interest in her. BUT don‟t go overboard. You don‟t want to turn into the puppy dog even when you feel she is attracted to you.

METHODS FOR SEDUCTION Right now I‟ll go into detail about what each method is, and then I will put it into a scenario on how you would use it with a girl. With these techniques you are communicating certain qualities about yourself. Things like:



-

You are a challenge and challenging. She has to work to get you.

-

Her appearance is not enough. You need to know more.

-

You are fun, playful, and sexual.

-

You are high enough in value to tease her and question her.

-

You can get her aroused. You are not afraid to touch.

-

You take the lead and she can feel safe in trusting you.

It‟s a lot to ask for, but they are communicated subtly throughout the interaction with these techniques.

1. DISQUALIFY YOURSELF Women have an automatic frame that you are after them for one thing. So by disqualifying yourself as a potential suitor, you make her question your motives. Let‟s face it, as soon as you approach a girl- they have questions about what it is you are wanting. Strangers do not walk up to strangers for nothing. It helps if you are first of all observed as a social person, but some of us are not that fortunate. Also, with extremely beautiful women, they will have heard all of the lines and all of the excuses. They know how guys work because they have experienced them in their dozens. So it is expected she will not even tolerate what you say because you could be like every other guy out there. So you can disqualify yourself in two ways:

1. Active Disinterest. Show little attention to her 2. Put her down like she is not the centre of attention. In short, it comes down to attention. The more you give her, the more she will lap it up- but reward you with nothing. The best way is to completely ignore her while you interact with other people. Display your high value and show others appreciating your personality. It will intrigue her to be the one to approach you. She will be wondering why you are not like every other guy out there trying to hit on her. You must obviously be very stable and a challenge.



Make sure you do eventually interact with her though, or she may rationalise it as her beauty being too much for you (No seriously, some girls do. But who can blame them). Putting her down has been questioned by a few people as a legitimate method. It‟s called Negs and devised by mystery. I believe the guys who do not take advantage of them simply don‟t understand the psychology behind it. You have to lower her value, so if you notice something IMPERFECT about her- then it brings her back down off of her pedestal and she is seen as an actual human being. An example is as you talk to her:

You: Ew! You just spit on me. You: Are those nails real? Be playful as you deliver them. They are not extreme put downs. They are a means to disqualify yourself because she will expect a guy to compliment her about her beauty. By doing this, you show you are not phased by it. Although use them sparingly. Once you have said one or two, your value can then speak for itself.

2. FLIRTING Flirting is an indicator of your interest in her. Unless she is attracted to you, it won‟t hold much weight. So only flirt when you have established at least SOME value. Flirting is just simply being suggestive. You are not directly offering your interest out on a plate. You are hinting creating a space for her to jump in- like dangling a hook for a fish, and waiting for her to bite on it.

You: Oh my God. I can tell you are going to be trouble already. Her: Hehe and why is that? (notice the quizzical nature) You: (she is hugging you) If you are going to hold me, I suggest you do it on my ass.



You: (noticing her looking at you across the room. You walk up to her) …I know what you were doing then. You were trying to imagine me naked weren‟t you… When you flirt, it‟s best that you do not wait for her responses. Cast the conversation or your attention elsewhere immediately after. Why? Because it gives her the opportunity to answer back to the flirting, which will lead down a dead end path. By snapping away from it, you remain in control. So be suggestive at times, and look for any innuendos with her. Try and take on the mindset that SHE is trying to seduce you, and you are having none of it.

3. TEASING Teasing is great because it is such a big communicator of you having higher value. You are like the guy who pulls on the girls pigtails in the playground, and then they come and chase you. Teasing is closely related to flirting, but it is more about making her jump through hoops for you.

You: We are not going to get along at all. We are too similar! - or You: Are you flirting with me? C‟mon girl, keep up… It is done in a playful and jest manner. If you do it with a straight face, expect some negative responses. Teasing is a playful act, and she will enjoy it when it is done right. But use it sparingly. Teasing is like you are pushing her back and saying, “Try harder”. You can‟t always keep her at arms length or you will never develop intimacy. Only use it when the energy is high and you are having a fun time.



4. PUSH AND PULL You use both flirting and teasing to create a push-pull affect. Push her away with disqualifying her as being potential for you, and then pull her back by rewarding her for what she just did.

You: You don‟t like rock music? Boy are you going to hate coming back to my place then… Her: Well I don‟t hate it. I just…I prefer different stuff. You: Okay. At least you have an open mind about it… You could of left it at her not liking your type of music. But, because you had her attracted to you, she wanted to qualify herself and not close any doors between you too.

5. QUALIFY AND SCREEN HER After you have attracted her, you need to let her know that you find her attractive too. But you have to do it in a way where she doesn‟t feel like you she has already one you over. As soon as she feels that, and you are no longer challenging- then the fun stops. To qualify her, you ask her a question, and then if it is a desirable enough for youthen you can tell her subtly that you find her interesting.

You: So what do you do for a living? Her: I‟m a veterinary nurse You: That‟s great! I don‟t think I could ever be with somebody who doesn‟t like animals. I can imagine you have a really sympathetic nature about you… You: So what do you do for fun when you‟re not chatting up handsome strangers? Her: I like to _________________. (find something you like or dislike about it and comment on it)



You do not qualify JUST to have her answering questions so you can say you like her. They have to be genuine and aligned with the kind of things you actually like in a girl. What qualifying does is level you both out so you are on mutual levels of attraction. This gives her comfort in feeling like you are not just going with any girl. It is very specific to her qualities and her lifestyle.

6. TOUCH HER (kino) Feeling touch can be immensely arousing, especially for a woman. Her body is so sensitive to touch. If you do not touch her, you will not be able to create a physical rapport with her. Being too shy to jump into her personal space always keeps you behind a barrier, which then results in you being seen only as a friend. She will not let a friend touch her in arousing ways. She will feel uncomfortable and edgy. Only the attractive guy who is seducing her has the luxury of touching her in intimate ways. And touching is a progression. You have to start small. Going straight for her lady bits will only get you a slap in the face and a restraining order. This is typically the progression model of where you can touch a girl:

1. Handshake. Your hand on the top of her arm as you talk. High fives. 2. Playful games like thumb wrestling. Quick hugs. 3. Hand games like pretending to palm read or any other. 4. Hand on her lower back. 5. Smelling her neck. Feeling her hair. 6. Hand on her knee. 7. Holding her hand for a prolonged amount of time. Longer hugs. 8. Touching her tummy. 37 | H A V E A S E D U C T I V E I N T E R A C T I O N www.modernmanliving.com


9. Stroking her neck with your fingers. 10. Pecks on the lip. Kissing. 11. Hand inside her leg. Hand on her bum. It‟s just a rough guide. Some women feel more personal than others. And it doesn‟t necessarily have to be in any order. You can be playful with your touching. Like, you can pretend to brush an eyelash away from her cheek, play a game where you get to run your fingers up and down her back, take a closer look at her necklace, smell her perfume- little things like that. Don‟t worry, she will try and do the same excuses to you. “Oh my god is that a tattoo? Oh wow, let me see your belly button. Do you really have a penis? Let me see” Touch is the main key to make your interaction personal and intimate. In the next part you will learn how to overcome resistance you can anticipate with touch, such as her brushing you away.

7. COMFORT, CONNECTION AND INVESTMENT Trust is an important factor to seduction. If she doesn‟t trust you or feel comfortable, then chances are she will have a lot more barriers to put up against you. But comfort is more than that. Comfort is about finding a bond- something that can continue past your couple of hours flirting session. You need something to be able to relate to. The next morning, she may wake up with the feelings of attraction completely gone. It is the feelings of connection and investment that keep her interested in you. What is investment? Investment can e something simple like time. Think about taking her off to a private location and spending an hour just getting to know each other. Investment can also mean emotional investment, like sharing memories and experiences.



To have her invest in you, you may have to invest in her first. Take the bullet and ask to be alone with her somewhere- being in public or still in sight of her friends is clearly the better choice. When you‟re alone, you get to ask her personal questions about her. You cut off Mr. Seducer and you create a connection. You find commonalities and share things about each other. Without this, you are just the two hour fling who was fun for a while, but would never be worthy of keeping around. Remember, being attracted to somebody comes and goes. It is comfort and investment which certifies a long friendship and relationship. Having investment and connection is easy- but it is IMPORTANT you have built the foundation of value and attraction first. Why? It is because you could just be the girlfriend who she turns to whenever things go bad. In other words- you become a friend she feels comfortable with. When you are attractive in her eyes, the comfort building and investment will be much more valuable to her. So when you built bridges in attraction- take her some where more private where you can talk properly and get to know each other. Ask her to hold your drink when you go because you‟ll be two minutes, so she has invested her time waiting for you. Ask her to go the bar with you and help get in drinks. Ask her to go over to the coffee place for 15 minutes for a quick chat. All you have to do is ask something of her (but not too much). And then she will feel you both have more to gain than just a quick flirt.

SO FAR… You know how to communicate your value, and you know seduction techniques to turn the interaction into something sexual. In the last part I‟ll show you how it all fits together into a generic model. But

Next… HOW TO HANDLE RESISTANCE AND INTERRUPTS



SUMMARY A

seduction

interaction

is

using

techniques

to

spark

attraction.

Normal

conversations without these techniques will only leave you as a friend. If you do not make your moves, she will assume you are not interested. She has a lot of consequences to allowing you to seduce her, so take them into consideration. When she is attracted to you- your actions will be seen in a different light. A hug will no longer JUST be a hug- but it will have tension and chemistry. Qualities to communicate: - You are a challenge and challenging. She has to work to get you. - Her appearance is not enough. You need to know more. - You are fun, playful, and sexual. - You are high enough in value to tease her and question her. - You can get her aroused. You are not afraid to touch. - You take the lead and she can feel safe in trusting you. Disqualify yourself in a subtle way. "I would never get along with you" This way you set it up that you are not chasing. Disqualify by: 1. Active Disinterest. Show little attention to her. 2. Put her down like she is not the centre of attention. Flirting is playful suggestiveness. You are encouraging her to bite on the hook and play along with you. Push and Pull- never constantly keep teasing or flirting. Pull away to leave her wanting more. Qualify her with questions about what she is like or what she does. This way she feels invested in the attraction. Touching is crucial. Always find a reason to touch, even if it is the top of her arm or a hug. Comfort and connection is what it all leads to. If you don't build comfort- you are a fart in the wind. She can easily forget you. 40 | H A V E A S E D U C T I V E I N T E R A C T I O N www.modernmanliving.com


PART FIVE: HANDLING INTERRUPTS AND RESISTANCE Seduction should primarily be straight forward. You attract her; she attracts you; you take the lead and escalate- game, set, match. There would be the odd occasion of playing hard to get, but overall it would be simple. You never see animals writing into magazines, “I have issues with my relationship. I screwed the neighbourhood dog and the bitch on my patch is a bit upset about it”- Nature just gets on with it. Unfortunately for us, society has sunk its teeth into how things should be done, and it is usually geared towards women, causing them to be more resistant to a guys advances. Men often think with their nuts and face the consequences later. Even though a woman‟s deepest desire may be to let loose and enjoy sexual freedom as men

do-

she

still

has

to

face

social

consequences. She faces labels like “slut” and “easy”. The jealousy in the women around her rises because she gets all the attention and they don‟t. As I said in the first part, men would be quite happy having promiscuous sex. His ego would be fulfilled having gorgeous women after him, and he has the freedom to come and go as he pleases. Yet women have to take all of these consequences into consideration- and now, through finding a mutual balance, so do men. Sex has always been a difficult thing because somebody always “loses”. One often gets more attached than the other. It requires an understanding and emotional control from the get-go. And I may be giving the wrong impression here by talking about sex. Sex is often the transition point where you know if something else will develop.

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But seduction is not all about sex. It is there to develop possible long-term relationships and connections. You can become awfully close to a girl emotionally as well as intimately, rather than being the guy she only has when she needs a shoulder to cry on. With seduction not being so straight forward and just letting us all get on with itwe have to understand RESISTANCE and INTERRUPTS- what prevents seduction from going where you want it to go?

PERSONAL RESISTANCE Women are diverse individuals. They are not carbon copies of the other. They all have their own individual preferences and standards. Some may stop you after you say “hello” because she is not looking for anything. Others may stop you as you get into the bedroom because she “isn‟t that kind of girl”. Another girl may stop seeing you after sex. “I‟m sorry, I feel so embarrassed. I didn‟t want that to happen. I can‟t see you again”. Resistance is due to her personal issues, standards and beliefs. If they are not to do with that, it could just be her attitude. She could just be a girl who likes to push-pull with a guy to see how many hoops she can make him go through- it‟s fun for her. Or she may be a very shy girl and having a guy trying it on is alien to her.

1. HER RESISTANCE TO RESPONSIBILITY ALWAYS TAKE RESPONSIBILITY WITH A GIRL You should always be the one who takes the lead and initiates. A woman does not want to take any responsibility for initiating anything intimate. If she did, she would feel like a slut and too easy. At the end, you want her to think to herself, “…It just happened!” How do you do that? The best method is often being indirect while still escalating.



If you said to a woman, “Let‟s go back to my place and get naked”. If she says “okay”, then she is responsible for making it happen. However, if you were to say, “Come over to my place before we go to the bar, I have something to show you”. She may in the back of her mind think, “Ey up, this is him hinting at sex” but she will still go along with it- she is not directly initiating anything except seeing what happens. This is not manipulation, this is playing by the rules. She may in fact want something to happen- but her brain kicks in telling her not to be too easy. It is up to you to create the scenario. Even in a relationship, the boyfriend often has the habit of keeping her level of responsibility low. Instead of asking for a wild night, he will say “Let‟s have a quiet night in on Saturday. You, Me, Wine- it‟ll be great”. To lower her resistance to responsibility- Be the one who takes the lead, and initiate a scenario indirectly.

2. HER RESISTANCE TO KINO ESCALATION USING COMPLIANCE AND PUSH-PULL TO TEST COMFORT Touching is very intimate and personal. Obviously every girl will have a strong resistance to having her body touched by just ANY guy. She will only allow the ones who she feels comfortable with to escalate touch. Otherwise you will get the “what are you doing?” or a brush off. And no guy wants a brush off. It‟s so uncomfortable trying to hold a girls hand only to have her pull it away. So rather than going straight for the prize, escalation should be taken slowly- and it can be tested. Let‟s say you are sat down with her, as you are talking you can put your hand on her knee for a few seconds. DON‟T make it a focus like during a silence. Do it as you talk, like it is a natural passive thing- and then pull it away after 2-3 seconds.



This does two things. One, she gets accustomed to you touching her on her knee. And two, if she then leans her knee away from you, you know she is too uncomfortable for that kind of touching right now. It helps you gauge just how comfortable she feels with you. From there, you know to ease off a bit and relax her more till she feels comfortable. Then later on, you try it again. If you go back to the TOUCH for attraction page, you will see the list of what is comfortable as you progress. One key point initially is to only touch her for a few seconds, and then pull away before she has the chance to brush you off. If that is comfortable for her, you can prolong the length of time. Another point will be to NEVER ASK TO TOUCH HER. This comes back to her RESISTANCE TO RESPONSIBILITY. If she says “yes it is okay to touch me”, then she is being responsible to you escalating.

JUST DO IT If you do get the inevitable brush off, don‟t take it personally. Carry on talking and being normal with her. A freeze out has been a suggested method, but I think a lot of women can see this as you being petty and sulking. Just reinitiate the touch again later, and continue to touch her where she feels comfortable. Use little excuses like games to be able to touch her. As long as you do not latch on to it afterwards, it will become comfortable for her feeling your touch in those areas. Isolation is vital when you reach intimate points of the escalation such as kissing and being a bit raunchy. No way would she like to do this in a public venue (unless she is totally tanked up) especially in front of her friends. It‟s a social status thing. She would look very sleazy throwing her legs over you on a couch in a bar or at a coffee place in the comfy seat area. Be respectful of this fact. If she says something like “Not here”, take that as a signal to isolate her somewhere a bit more private- out of sight and consequences from her peers.



Touch is very personal, so don‟t dive in. Take it slow and be passive with your touch. It should not be a focus, nor should it be asked for. Use small compliance tests (such as 2-3 seconds touch then pull away) to gauge her comfort levels. If you get a brush off, continue on as normal. And don‟t forget to isolate her when you reach intimate and raunchy touching. Be respectful of her need to keep social status.

3. HER RESISTANCE TO YOU WANTING HER Before you even open your mouth you can be hit with resistance. And it can come in all kinds of ways:

Her: Do you mind, we are having a conversation Her: Sorry, we are not out for that tonight. Her: Could you just go away please More often than not, this is a consequence to you not observing the situation. A blow out straight away is often down to you not assessing the situation. You should look and see if they are in deep conversation or whether they are fully occupied. If you do, then you can approach at the right time in the right way. It will not be a full on rejection aimed at you. After all, she won‟t even know you- so how can she make a snap judgement with such conviction? You don‟t know the situation prior to that either. Many guys may have tried their luck before you and now she is just pissed off. That is situation resistance which is misconstrued as her rejecting you… Another is beautiful women. The types you should see on magazines. If you approach these directly, you are just another guy doing the same old thing. She is tired of it. She may have fun with you for a bit and be suggestive- but other than that, you are just her little play thing. Then she can cast you out by saying, “I‟m going now”. Her shields are automatically up to any guy wanting her. Fortunately, she is often not alone. So you can demonstrate your value by working through the group and not giving her any attention. If she butts in with a cat call, make playful fun of her



with her friend. Then you can win her over later with your charms, when she feels you are not after her just for her looks. Manipulative? Once again, No…It‟s the rules. Many girls will have their shields up to guys wanting them or trying it on. HOWEVER, direct honesty can win her over. When you say, “Hi, I saw you from across the room and I find you really attractive. What‟s your name?” It is a direct opener, but you have to back it up with a lot of confidence and value. If not, you will get the line, “I bet you say that to all the girls” or “How many girls have you used that on?” Don‟t take this resistance personally. You are getting the backlash of all the previous guys who have tried and failed miserably. If you show you are not shaken by it, it shows you have a lot of emotional value to remain secure. That is much more admirable than calling her a bitch.

4. HER RESISTANCE TO YOU BEING A PLAYER No woman wants to be one of your notches on your bed post. If she perceives you as being a player, then her resistance will undoubtedly be higher. But this can be seen as a contradiction- because if you are a guy who gets a lot of girls, then you are pre-selected, right? That‟s value and status. This is why celebrities are such good examples of the value ideology. I don‟t think many women will care how many girls Brad Pitt has had, if he comes up to her- she will probably go off with him. What most players do is they draw their attention to the girl without backing it up with a lot of value. They‟re all full of empty compliments and saying whatever works. This is chasing her before you are even seen as attractive- it just doesn‟t work like that. Most girls will throw out lines at you such as, “You say that to all of the girls. …how many girls have you said that to? …How many girls have you been with?” She does this because she doesn‟t want to look and appear easy. The more girls you say you 46 | H A N D L I N G I N T E R R U P T S A N D R E S I S T A N C E www.modernmanliving.com


have been with, the more she will resist you because she doesn‟t want you to think she is easy “like all the other girls”. To overcome the perception of being a player, make sure she is attracted to you first before you try on your moves. You will only come across as sleazy and “playing the numbers” game.

5. HER RESISTANCE BECAUSE OF COMMITMENTS Boyfriends, Marriage, three kids and a little house on the prairie- Who knows what a girl‟s life story is. You could be chatting away with her and suddenly:

Her: I think I better tell you, I have a boyfriend. It‟s a commitment she cannot exactly ignore, even though she did enjoy your company and a cheeky flirt with you. How do you react? Some guys may assume this to be a conquest. Get the fair maiden who is to marry the king. But we do not want to be home-wreckers. Even though there is a lot of chaos in relationships nowadays, some are genuinely happy with their status and who they are with. However, this should not prevent you from having her as part of your social circle and contacts. It would be selfish to turn away from her only because you cannot do the whole seduction thing. Who knows, it may end up in a possible romance down the line. But right now, your best option is to call her up on the fact she thinks you want her, or that the boyfriend should be an obstacle:

Her: I think I better tell you, I have a boyfriend. You: That‟s nice. And you can still have a boyfriend while we become friends. - or You: It‟s okay, I have 4 mistresses and an angry wife at home. Doesn‟t 47 | H A N D L I N G I N T E R R U P T S A N D R E S I S T A N C E www.modernmanliving.com


mean we can‟t get to know each other… - or You: Is that a problem because you don‟t trust me? Or because you don‟t trust yourself? Notice how this is another means of escalating indirectly. It is usually how many seductions go. Nothing can be straight forward nowadays. It demands tact. Plus, it‟s not always a boyfriend. It could be a marriage, or she has just come out of a relationship, or she is not looking for anything at all. And this is the automatic frame you get when you approach a girl, so just grin and bear it. To avoid her resistance by any commitment or situation she is in, accuse her of jumping the gun and thinking you are after her. You are simply a social guy building up his social circle. How can she argue with that?

6. HER RESISTANCE TO YOU NOT BEING HER TYPE Some girls can be really blunt with you and just say to your face, “ugh. Go away. You‟re not my type”. It‟s the harshest rejection, but oh well, take it on the chin anyway. But other than that, women do have preferences in the type of man they want- just like men. You may not be her type, however this most of the time this is a test for your persistence to stick up for yourself. I‟ve known many girls who are not with the dream guy they always fantasised about. Do they just settle? I‟m not at liberty to say. But I do know that girls will ignore the fact a guy is not her exact type. Beggars can‟t be choosers- so if you are incredibly attractive to her in a lot of other ways- it overrides the fact you are not her perfect type. When she puts up blocks like this, persist with her- and don‟t make it personal. You should believe you are of high value and have a lot to offer in different ways. Stick 48 | H A N D L I N G I N T E R R U P T S A N D R E S I S T A N C E www.modernmanliving.com


to your guns and keep riding the wave. Ignore her comments about type and how you are not it.

7. HER RESISTANCE TO SEX You can do everything right and still get resistance to sex when you get into that situation. Sex seems to be the ultimate point because it is where the transition begins. A lot of things will be running through her mind- are you just using her? Does she feel used? What will happen after you do it? Is it going to go anywhere? Did I leave the gas on? (kidding) Will we be okay afterwards? It‟s a nervous moment for her. She gets a lot of anxiety, the same kind of anxiety you probably felt when you approached her in the beginning. Trying to escalate past resistance while she is in this state of anxiety can be difficult. And the way to handle LAST MINUTE RESISTANCE is by using the principle of pulling away, but pulling away completely. You want to intensify the feeling of her wanting it even more. If she get‟s too much of a good thing, her emotions will kick into overdrive and it will worry her- so her only reaction will be to pull away, “Wait, we can‟t do this”. She probably does want to do it, but she needs to know she can trust you. So pull away completely. Use the same principles as with kino escalation, and carry on chatting away, or diverting to something else. As you do, she will be thinking to herself, “Is that it? But I…”. By pulling away you are encouraging her to give in to her desires, and not feel guilty about it. Then after a few minutes, the kissing will be sure to start again, and the heavy petting will follow from that. This time she may let you go a bit further. Even if she says to you, “I better go” and she grabs her bag- you have to show you are un-phased and not upset by it. She will be in two minds- she will want to be with you because she has invested so much time with you and she does find you attractive, but the feeling of being easy and the consequences afterwards.



Pulling away is not forcing her. You are genuinely respectful of what she wants. But you have to trigger her fight or flight response so she can make a true decisionand it is up to you to still keep up the escalation. She would not have let herself be in that position if she did not want to have sex. Although she didn‟t take responsibility to start it, she will still be a smart girl and probably been in that position before- she knows how it goes. Never force or back her in a corner when she resists for sex. Pull away completely. Cut off all touching and divert to something else. After a few minutes, you can try again. If it gets too much for her, she may want to leave. You have to respect her decision and allow her to do so. She will be in two minds, but you are helping her make a decision by not forcing her. She will still not open up and say, “Okay, lets do it!” but she may say, “I can stay for five more minutes though cant i? Just until my taxi comes.”

CONCLUSION TO RESISTANCE Even if you do all of the right things, you can still get resistance from her. It is to be expected. You don‟t know her situation, you don‟t know her history- you know nothing about her. But a lot of the resistance is similar with every girl. It could be evolutionary, it could social influence, or it could be personal comfort. The method is to not take it personal, and realise a woman will never let the seduction go straight forward. Doing so would be too easy. It is up to you to remain persistent and not take what she says literally. Many girls can say they have boyfriends, or you are not their type, or they don‟t like you touching her- but through the right kind of persistence, their minds may change. Don‟t throw in the towel straight away. A girl wants to see how far you are willing to go for her, just to show you are invested in her- and not after an easy lay. Russell Brand calls it “The Knobstacle Course”. He‟s not far wrong.



INTERRUPTS Interrupts are blocks which happen during the interaction due to the dynamics or because of other people. You could be in the middle of spiking her attraction for you by telling an emotional story and demonstrating your value- then out of the blue her friend comes along and pulls her away “for five minutes”.

HANDLING INTERRUPTS REQUIRES FRAME CONTROL Your frame is your reality. If a woman says to you, “I prefer ________ type of guy” and you say to her, “Oh. I‟m nothing like your type at all. Do you still like me though?”- You are entering HER reality. You are aligning with her frame and standards. Controlling your frame in that situation would mean to not jump into her reality. Saying, “Well I‟m hoping you are an open minded girl, otherwise we are in trouble”. You didn‟t cave in and feel insecure. Stepping into somebody else‟s reality means you are being reactive to what they say and do to you. Bullies are exceptionally great at this. You walk in trying out your new shirt when some dick comes over, “haha. What the hell are you wearing that for? That really does not suit you at all!”. From that day on, you never wear it again. Instead you could have kept your frame and just said you like it and felt adventurous. So when interrupts come along, it is crucial to be non-reactive and to control your frame…your reality. And interrupts are pretty much just distractions and excuses for the girl to leave.

1. INTERRUPTED BECAUSE SHE IS BUSY This is obvious for meeting a girl during the day and on the move. She will have places to go and people to see. The same applies for trying to meet a girl while she is doing her job like catering or bartending. When somebody is being busy, either offer to go with them, or just say, “We‟ll only be two minutes.” 51 | H A N D L I N G I N T E R R U P T S A N D R E S I S T A N C E www.modernmanliving.com


This is known as a FALSE TIME CONSTRAINT. Sales people do it all the time, “Hi can I just talk to you for a few seconds?”. It‟s a speedy process, but in this situationyour confidence and frame control display a lot of value anyway. You may feel like you are imposing, but as long as you do not stop them in their tracks fully, then it should be okay.

2. INTERRUPTED BECAUSE OF DISTRACTIONS Things can be going tremendously smooth. You could be in your own little bubble with her, until………

-

Her phone rings and she has to go.

-

She bumps into another friend.

-

She pre-warned you she has to go somewhere, and that time has come.

ENSURING YOU MEET AGAIN All kinds of distractions could happen. These are often unavoidable, and they can take her out of the interaction all together. One method for ensuring she will come back to you or you can keep in touch is

INVESTMENT Something simple like giving her a bracelet and saying to her, “I‟ll see you later because I want it back”. Or you could achieve the ultimate goal of many guys, which is to get her phone number or e-mail. Just mention you want to keep in touch. If you have played it cool, she will happily oblige. Be creative and try think of ways to make her invest in you so you can meet again.

3. CONTROLLING YOUR FRAME DURING INTERNAL DISTRACTION Distractions during the interaction like a phone call, or her chatting with her friend for five to ten minutes can also happen. You know you are going to still be in each 52 | H A N D L I N G I N T E R R U P T S A N D R E S I S T A N C E www.modernmanliving.com


others company afterwards and continue your conversation. And you can‟t exactly be an asshole and keep cutting in with her. Before you do anything, make sure she introduces you to her friend. Don‟t wait around for five minutes and then ask, do it within the first 10 seconds. The reason is because in these situations, you have to get up and go do something else until she is finished. You do not want to be the tool who sits there looking at his clock waiting around. You are not ignoring her. You are keeping your frame by being busy, and hanging around just puts pressure on her to hurry the hell up anyway, which isn‟t very nice. So in these instances, go up and order another coffee or a bun; or talk to the group next to you; or go to the bar. Do something active. Sitting there and reading or checking your messages on your mobile doesn‟t cut it.

GET BUSY AND ACTIVE Then, when you see she is finished, go back to her and continue your interaction with her- still being your warm and pleasant self. She will apologise for it no doubt, you ask how things are etc- and you carry on conversation. If she asks why you went away, say something like:

You: There is nothing worse than being on the phone and somebody sat there waiting and probably listening in. - or You: I wanted to let you catch up with your friend without feeling like you had to rush. These keep your frame by it being a decision to be busy. It is just your way of doing things.

4. INTERRUPTED BECAUSE OF PEOPLE



Women have a tight knit social circle. It includes their friends, family and sometimes partner. On top of that, you have other guys in proximity who want her. They are more than likely to come and put a block in your advances.

GET A WINGMAN During the day, having a wingman is not so important. You can easily have one on ones with a girl without many people blocking you. However, girls are very rarely out on there own, unless they are rushing from A to B or doing something. Controlling your frame can quite a challenge if you are interacting with groups in a populated and active environment. If her friend sat next to her is getting bored, they will do the “girl stare” and the one you are interested in will pull away for the benefit of her friend. 90% of these blocks can be prevented by having a wingman- somebody who will keep everybody else talking and not becoming restless. Women can also be very competitive. If you are talking to a girl, her friend may butt in and answer for her.

You: So what do you do for fun? Friend: She comes out with me, haha. And the girl you are talking to becomes distracted yet again. Your wingman friend will distract this other girl with conversation and banter. He might even be seducing her too- you never know. Truth is, people have a lot more confidence when they are in groups, so it is a lot easier for them to blow you out and overpower your frame. You are nothing but a stranger to them. So have a respectable friend by your side so you can help each other out. If he notices a girl he likes- you reciprocate and do the same for him. You go and prevent any potential blocks so they can have a pleasant and decent conversation.

HAVING A WOMAN FRIEND HELP YOU OUT 54 | H A N D L I N G I N T E R R U P T S A N D R E S I S T A N C E www.modernmanliving.com


This is another valid reason to have girls within your social circle. Who cares if they are taken or just want to be friends- they are VALUABLE and a huge asset to have them within your life. Once you know where you both stand, girls are quite happy to help you attract other girls. Why wouldn‟t they be? You are not using her. You are doing what friends do- help each other out. I‟m sure you would do the same for her if she told you she likes a guy across the room. It is mutual respect, and it is fun. The same rules apply for her as a wingman. She helps you within a social circle to distract any blocks from other people. Women (and guys) will notice you with her. It instantly establishes you as valuable because you are pre-selected. It also has the hidden advantage of making you appear less threatening. You already have girls in your life, so why would you be out “on the prowl” for others? The principle of her doing this is only to let others see you pre-selected. As soon as she has been noticed with you then she can leave you to it. Both a wingman and a female friend counteract a lot of blocks. The girl will have around her a protective shield. You could see her with her sister or a brother; a family friend; a protective male friend who looks out for her. By coming along showing you have social value gives you a none-threatening vibe. If you don‟t have the luxury of having a female friend or a wingman, then your job at controlling possible interrupts will be a bit harder- but this is why you learn seduction. You learn it to become valuable and improve your social skills. You will soon find yourself with an abundance of people around you as you create value.

5. HANDLING PROWLING MEN WHO BLOCK YOU Men have an ulterior motive to blow you out of the girl‟s radar and put himself in your place. He can be as brutal as just telling you to get the hell out of his way, or as subtle as mocking you indirectly to lower your value. It is something you have to face as a man. It can be a very competitive world and “dog eat dog” mentality can always happen.



You do not want to lower yourself and step into his frame. You want to be able to control your own frame and give him nothing to use as ammunition. And you do not want to be the guy who always feels like he has to square up just to hold his ground. Fisticuffs do nothing but lower your value. You might come across all macho in your own eyes, but it does nothing but show you do not have the wit and intelligence to hold your own. The way to use wit against other men who come into your group putting you down is to indirectly lower his value by never jumping into his frame, while at the same time being warm and welcoming to those around you. Think of them as the bullies who try and steal your frame. “haha, what‟s with the shirt man?”. It‟s a sly way of lowering your value. The worst tactic to handle to use is challenging them. Don‟t lower yourself by trying to win over them- it‟s not necessary, and not important. The best tactic will always be to be none-reactive. You probably notice a pattern now how FRAME CONTROL is all about being none-reactive and not taking anything to heart. It shows how secure you are. Instead, bring them into your reality. Be friend them as much as you can. A man of value will welcome anybody into his circle because he knows he has control of what he does. Already pretend like you have a connection with the girls and you are in your own little role-play together.

Alpha Male: Hey ladies. So who is this guy with you tonight? You: Thank God you came man. I‟ve been trying to get these girls away from me for about ten minutes now. They just won‟t leave me alone… - or – Alpha Male: How do you guys know each other? You: She‟s been chatting up guys all night man. The girls will find you funny, and he is now the one trying to enter into your world. Notice how I made the girls to be the focus. If I had said, “I‟ve been trying to get



away for ten minutes now.” He could just say, “Well now is your chance. See you later.” And blow you out.

MAKE A PRETEND WORLD WITH YOU AND THE GIRLS So have a mini scenario. Ones like the girls are stalking you, or thank god he came because he can take the blonde one you can take the brunette. When it is done in a playful way, the girls will find it really damn funny and crack up. Another way is to befriend him straight away as soon as he enters. Give the guy a compliment and shake his hand. Do it with authority. Reach for his hand to shake it rather than holding it up in the air. Put your hand on his shoulder and welcome him in. By being the friendly type straight away, he will look like an ass if he tries blowing you out later. The girls and group will be on your side. The situation can change if you are entering a group and an „Alpha Male‟ is already there strutting his stuff. For this scenario, still use the tactic of befriending him as quickly as you an. Be complimentary but with authority. Whenever he tries to belittle you or put you down, just dismiss it and say, “Not Cool man” and carry on being un-reactive. If he got a rise out of you or you tried to put him down too- you are entering his reality. Just accept what he says, and deflect it to something else.

Alpha Male: You‟re pretty short man. You: Absolutely. Short and sweet! So anyway… Alpha Male: That story was pretty boring. You: It blew the roof off at my last church meeting. And so… There really is no perfect line or defence against these scenarios. The best ways to do it are:

- BEFRIEND FIRST - BE UN-REACTIVE 57 | H A N D L I N G I N T E R R U P T S A N D R E S I S T A N C E www.modernmanliving.com


- ACCEPT AND DEFLECT THEIR PUT DOWNS

CONCLUSION Resistance and interrupts are what block seduction from happening naturally. Resistance is down to her being a challenge so she is not appearing to be slutty or easy. It can also be her issues from her past- like being hurt and rejected too often, or her beliefs and values she has been raised with. Interrupts are the dynamics of the situation and other people pulling her away or getting in YOUR way. Both of them can easily be overcome if you follow the techniques outlined here. All you have to remember is that her resistance is not necessarily to do with you, and if you are persistent using a push-pull method- she will follow your lead. Interrupts are just part of every day life. As long as you control your frame throughout them, you can get things back to running smooth again. Never take them personal, and never see them as a reason to throw in the towel just yet. Next… DECIDING WHAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP YOU ARE AFTER.



SUMMARY Seduction is never straight forward. If it was, she would look too easy. Resistance is just part of it.

RESISTANCE - No girl wants to feel responsible. Be a man and take the lead. - Be persistent. - Test the waters with touch, and pull away to avoid a brush off. - More often than not, her resistance is just unconscious reactions to feel safe. - You can still have her in your social circle if she has other commitments. - Disqualify yourself from beginning so she does not see you as another guy trying it on with her. Let her warm to you first. - Handle her tests for resistance by being un-reactive and keep on escalating. - Sex is a big moment for her for a lot of reasons. She may want to, but she is in conflict. Never force her. Respect her decisions, and pull away completely. Then, try to be intimate again later.

INTERRUPTS - Interrupts happen through dynamics and other people. - To overcome them requires frame control. - Use a false time constraint. Whether or not she is busy, it cancels out the opportunity for her to use it as an excuse. - For distractions, lock her in with investment. Get her number or email and if you have opportunity, keep talking to her. Just ensure you have the opportunity to meet at some other time. - If distracted during an interaction, be active and get busy. Lock in with her friend by asking to be introduced, then come back when she has finished. Don't sit around like a lemon. - Try and get a wingman or a woman friend to have for distractions and over protective friends. - Alpha males try to blow you out. Befriend them as quickly as you can with authority. Deflection wins over being challenging.



PART SIX: DECIDING WHERE TO TAKE IT Seducing somebody pre-supposes that you want to have your interactions go somewhere. You want something from that person. It could be friendship, sex, relationship- who knows. The point is you do not actively pursue a girl unless you want something to happen. But you have to be clear on what it is you want, and the sooner you know it- the better. The reason is because you want to reach a level of mutual understanding with the girl. You do not want to be venturing into it only to wake up 6 months later thinking, “I‟m in a relationship! How the…what the…who drugged my drink?!” Knowing what you want is also of great importance to the girl. As a man, you will have no doubt initiated the intimacy between the two of you- so you have to be responsible for your actions. You can‟t be all lovey dovey with her only to get her into bed. You don‟t want to reach a point where one person is expecting more than the other. Who decides where it should go? It‟s often the one with the stronger frame. If you are always CHASING a girl, then she gets to dictate where it is heading. It should always be the man who takes the lead. And I don‟t mean that in a sexist way- I say it because women prefer it that way. And I understand a guy‟s common fear. He believes that as soon as he mentions he is not after anything seriousthen she will get up and leave. That‟s another social influence. No relationship = No chance. But it‟s amazing how a girl will align with you and jump into your frame. Okay, she may want a relationship, but until then- she may rationalise it as having fun with you until something else comes along. At least if she knows your motives, she knows where she stands- and then it is her decision. If you want a girl- you have to risk losing her. 60 | D E C I D I N G W H E R E T O T A K E I T www.modernmanliving.com


The rules are simple:

1. KNOW WHAT YOU WANT 2. COMMUNICATE IT RIGHT FROM THE START. 1. KNOW WHAT YOU WANT Straight off- what is it you are wanting right now? We are all at different stages in our lives, so be honest. I advise you to not just want to screw anything not nailed down. It‟s an immature kind of reality that is only there for your ego and insecurity. What kind of relationships can you have?

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Purely Friendship and a pivot

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A friend with benefits

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A short-term fling (nothing serious. Same as above pretty much)

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A relationship

If you notice, wanting „Nothing at all‟ isn‟t an option. And why should it be? Girls can make great friends. You don‟t have to be close friends, but they be a part of your social circle. It‟s kind of nutty to pass off a girl to not even be an acquaintance. And if you read the first part of this mini seduction guide, you will have realised women enjoy sex just as much as men. As long as you do not cause any consequences to her social status and give her a „slut‟ label (In other words, you are respectful and trustworthy) then sex and friendship is always a viable option.

HAVING MULTIPLE GIRLS Another key point- you cannot seduce every girl you see. But you may be in a position to have multiple girls on the go at the same time. That is also fine if you have a VERY strong sense of your own reality and frame. In our past, we were only around small groups- and there would only be ONE leader who influenced the group. He was at the highest of the pecking order. It was only one, so there were not many to go around. A woman would find it in her best interests to align with this man, even if it meant overriding all of her morals. She would not want to pass up an opportunity with an alpha male. 61 | D E C I D I N G W H E R E T O T A K E I T www.modernmanliving.com


Now, there are an abundance of men, but that evolutionary wiring still holds true. Think about how many losers she comes across in her lifetime. There will only be a select few who really know how to attract her. And she will override her morals once again to align with that man, even if it meant accepting he has multiple girls. That is not manipulation- that is just a fact. It will be her choice to continue on in your reality with you. Some women obviously won‟t. But don‟t negate the option fully.

WHAT IS YOUR TYPE OF GIRL? As well as knowing what relationships you are wanting with a girl, you need to know what type of girl you go for. You don‟t have to necessarily typecast and blow all the others who do not match your criteria out of the water. But it helps for QUALIFYING purposes. You need standards she has to live up to. Do you like outgoing girls? How about her humour- what humour is appealing to you? Do you like her to be like one of the guys? Do you want a girl all the other guys want? It‟s up to you to create your own little mini profile of what girl you would like. By knowing what kind of girl you want to attract- you know how you yourself need to be to have her in your life. Be as specific or as vague as you like. Just remember that clarity is powerful. It saves you wasting your time on all of the wrong girls.

2. COMMUNICATE IT FROM THE START When you know what you want, you have to communicate with that in mind. If your intention is to have fun with multiple girls, then you have to be clear and consistent about it. 62 | D E C I D I N G W H E R E T O T A K E I T www.modernmanliving.com


You do not have to tell her directly and say, “By the way, I don‟t want anything serious. So as long as that is okay with you then we are okay”. Instead, communicate it indirectly. If you know you do not want anything seriousthen cut out the romance talk. Don‟t constantly say things like you are missing her, or you want her there with you etc. That communicates a „Getting closer together‟ frame. It will send all of the wrong signals. At times she will test you by asking you questions about a relationship in the future and things like that. It‟s easy to cave at times like this, but you have to remain honest. That is what she is truly testing for- your honesty. She is not a little girl wanting to change your ways to match hers. She is much more intelligent than you probably give her credit for. So define what you want, and communicate it from the get-go. Do not fall into the fallacy of today‟s world that women ALL want long-term and deep relationships. Most girls nowadays have been screwed over so many times that they would rather have passive and no stress fun with somebody they connect with.

CONCLUSION Whatever place you want to take your relationship with her- just remember to keep things mutual. If you fear losing her too much, then maybe you are not being honest with yourself anyway on how you really feel. But the reality is the fear of loss can encourage you to be dishonest about what it is you want. Always maintain your frame and be secure in what it is you want. If you live a reality of multiple girls- then it is then her choice to join you or not. As long as you stick to respecting her feelings, not being forceful, and being your charming self- then the dynamic you create can work. Remember, if you don‟t have the control by knowing what it is you want...then somebody will take control over you. NEXT… A FULL MODEL ON HOW IT ALL WORKS. 63 | D E C I D I N G W H E R E T O T A K E I T www.modernmanliving.com


SUMMARY A man must be responsible for his actions, and know what he wants from the beginning. The girl will also want to know what you are wanting. Do not tell directly- this burns bridges. Leave it open to opportunity. Suggest what you want indirectly. She will pick up on your signals if you are not contradicting yourself all the time. With multiple girls, there is a chance she will be okay with this kind of relationship. If she tests you with relationship questions etc- hold your frame and be honest with what you want. To have a girl, you have to risk losing her. Know what girl you would like to have in your life. it is not all about looks- it is about her personality. Qualify her by seeing if she is attractive to you in that way.

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PART SEVEN: A MODEL FOR SEDUCTION So you know the basic techniques for seduction. They are the things you need to spice an interaction with if you want something more than being a friend. This was only a mini-guide to break down the basics of seduction. There are other techniques and strategies out there which add to your knowledge about seduction, and techniques to do things like overcome resistance or handle her tests in a high value way. But in terms of this little guide, here is a little summary of it all together for you…

METHODS TO CREATE ATTRACTION SPIKES - Communicate and demonstrate value. - Flirting, Teasing, Roleplaying. - If drop dead gorgeous, lower her perceived value first. - Push and Pull. - Qualifying her to show you are attracted to her. - Touching, Kino Escalation - Comfort building, Connection, Investment

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METHODS TO OVERCOME RESISTANCE - Disqualify yourself as potential to be with her. - Do not show interest until attracted her to you. - Test how receptive she is to you, and then pull away before escalate. - Lock in to the group so you don‟t get blown out. - Win over everybody, not just her, so you show social value and pre-selection. - Keep your frame, Befriend other guys who try swoop in.

1. HAVE AN ATTRACTIVE IDENTITY You can easily manipulate external factors to give the perception of high value. For example, you could turn up in a limousine in a flash suit with two escorts on your arm- but what would be the point in that? You have to build value from the core, and that means working on your attitude such as your beliefs and issues. If you do that, you will naturally go out to build a lifestyle of high value and success. You will be ambitious and focussed. You won‟t have time to divert your energy to chase women- you will have standards and you will know what it is you want. It will cut out a lot of the games which go on. By working on your inner game and building a life and attitude of high value, women will see you as being attractive because you will be subliminally communicating it. It will be a part of you. And you know what women perceive as attractive. In the same way we have triggers to feel attraction, so do women. All of the techniques and strategies outlined for seduction is merely a way to communicate you have these traits and value. The traits and values can all be summed up in VALUE AND STATUS. And if you have these, when you initiate with her and „create chemistry‟ by sparking her attraction for youthen she will want to align with you. Forget things like humour and making her laugh. These are sub-communications to a bigger picture. It‟s important to make her laugh, but doing that alone will not make her attracted to you.



No woman wants to be with a man weaker than her. It doesn‟t give her much security. All her little tests, games and questioning are a means to see you are not weak. So to be attractive- Always demonstrate that you are above her in terms of value.

2. INITIATING AN INTERACTION I go through the mechanics of approaching and transitioning a conversation in my book- How To Be Social And Think On Your Feet. These are your basic social skills. You need these to initiate an interaction and to keep a conversation flowing. Remember that value is always crucial. What most guys do is, they approach a girl and instantly put her on a pedestal. They give her plenty of attention and be her little lap dog, even without her doing anything. These kind of actions put her value higher than you, and it is hard to regain back if you start with this attitude. You will get, “aw you are so sweet, thank you”- but that‟s it. For attraction, the best way is always indirect. Don‟t even hint at your interest in her yet- she has to earn your interest. Establish your value and be seen as attractive first. It will be up to her to then offer you subtle hints (Indicators of Interest) to encourage you to seduce her.

3. ATTRACTION SPIKES Social skills only make you friends with a girl. You can show you have a fun personality and you are an interesting person, but it doesn‟t establish any value or spike her interest in you. You spike attraction by flirting, teasing, push-pull, kino escalation etc. Without these she will assume you are not interested in her. What these techniques do is they personalise the interaction. It‟s like a little game of cat and mouse. You cause her to chase you, then she pulls away so you can chase her. 67 | A MODEL FOR SEDUCTION www.modernmanliving.com


4. YOU INVEST IN HER AND SHOW YOU LIKE HER When you know she is attracted to you (she will respond with indicators of interest like reinitiating conversation and asking about you) then you can do the same to her. Find things about her you can reward her for. Fish for them if you have to by asking questions. This way she knows she has more than her looks that is winning you over. She has actually invested in attracting you.

5. COMFORT, CONNECTION AND INVESTMENT Getting her attracted to you does not take long to do. And to make it into something lasting or to lead to intimacy- you have to have something more than just playful banter. You have to create a connection by asking about her and who she is. You take some time to find out about each other and how much you have in common. Put the attraction on pause and be genuine with her. This phase in the interaction can happen within half an hour or a few hours. Point is you already know you both like each other.

6. DECIDE WHERE TO TAKE IT This whole interaction where you seduce each other can only be a few hours in real time. From there you move into a certain type of relationship. The relationship could be remaining as friends, a sexual friendship, or a full on relationship. It is up to you to know what you want, and understand where she is coming from and what she wants. You can usually assess this indirectly by picking up on her signals. In any case, she is part of your life now- even if it is just as a friend. So don‟t abuse that relationship.



7. HANDLE RESISTANCE AND INTERRUPTS You be able to seduce a girl quite easily if there wasn‟t so much resistance and interruptions. She may play hard to get so she doesn‟t feel too easy- but that would be it. When you know about these hurdles, and you anticipate them- then you will know how to bypass them. You will be considerate about her “slut defence” and you won‟t trigger it in her. You won‟t be a sleazy player seducing her first before attracting her. And more importantly, you won‟t take them personally.

TWO BIG POINTS As your seduction progresses, you have to make sure you do two things:

1) You escalate the attraction, including touch. 2) You always take the lead and responsibility for making it happen. Be a man and take responsibility for initiating things with her. Make her feel secure before you attempt to go too far with her. Step back and gauge how you think she is feeling and what she wants.

A FINAL NOTE Seduction is a way of creating intimacy and a relationship with a girl. It is not leading her astray, nor is it manipulation. It is just part of human nature. Only difference is, by learning these techniques- you are conscious about it. You have a plan and you know how to seduce her effectively. Believe me, if a girl does not want it- she will be absolutely CLEAR to you about it. A lot of the times girls never tell you directly what they want, but they know when to step up and draw the line.



Up until that point, you have to be active in your pursuit of her, and you have to be persistent with your actions. If you give up as soon as she suggests a little bit of resistance, then you will get no where with women.


18802401 a Modern Man Living Guide to Seduction

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