The Complete Lover
by Neo © 2007
Legal Disclaimer In no event shall Neo, www.thecompletelover.com, and its principals be liable for any direct, indirect, punitive, incidental, special, consequential damages, or any damages whatsoever arising out of or connected with the use or misuse of any and all information contained here. All materials in this book are for information purposes only and the reader assumes all risks and liability from the use of its contents.
Table of Contents Table of Contents............................................................................................................................................1 Introduction...........................................................................................................................................................5 Overview of the Three Stages....................................................................................................14 Stage I Attraction...................................................................................................................................... 18 Stage I Phase I Initial Contact................................................................................................. 22 Pitfalls of Initial Contact..........................................................................................................25 Proper Mindset for the Initial Contact........................................................................33 Dress Guidelines for the Initial Contact......................................................................38 Exercises for Initial contact.....................................................................................................41 Perceptual Position Exercise..............................................................................................41 Powerful Questions Exercise............................................................................................42 Action Steps for Initial Contact.......................................................................................44 Stage I Phase II Conveying Value...........................................................................................48 First Impression .................................................................................................................................49 Body Language ............................................................................................................................50 Eye Contact...................................................................................................................................56 Voice.......................................................................................................................................................58 Be a Conscious Creator of Your Life..........................................................................59 The Creator Exercise.............................................................................................................. 61 Engage Her with Questions....................................................................................................62 Sharing Your Amazing Qualities.......................................................................................68 Share Your Passions....................................................................................................................76 Be an Exciting Man.......................................................................................................................79 The Art of Appreciation..........................................................................................................83 Social Proof..........................................................................................................................................85 Action Steps for Conveying Value...................................................................................89 Stage I Phase III Dynamic Tension..........................................................................................91 1
Consciously Creating Dynamic Tension......................................................................93 Grow into a Man Women Fight Over............................................................................95 Define What You Want in Women.................................................................................99 Creating Dynamic Tension with Finesse....................................................................102 Action Steps for Qualifying Women...........................................................................105 Stage II Connection.................................................................................................................................107 Stage II Phase I Building Comfort..........................................................................................110 Using Conversations to Build Comfort.........................................................................114 Know How to Listen........................................................................................................................119 Additional Elements of Great Conversations .........................................................121 Conversational Exercises.........................................................................................................126 Using Touch to Amplify Connection.............................................................................128 Action Steps for Building Comfort.................................................................................131 Stage II Phase II Deepening Connection........................................................................ 133 Creating the Bridge for Deepening Connection..................................................136 Deepening Connection through Play..............................................................................143 Become Comfortable with Silence...................................................................................145 Deepening Connection through Touch.........................................................................148 Finer Points in the Art of Touch......................................................................................151 System for Progressive Opening through Touch..............................................159 Action Steps for Deepening Connection ...................................................................170 Stage II Phase III Profound Intimacy..................................................................................172 Going as Deep as You Can.................................................................................................174 Exercises for Profound Intimacy................................................................................ 178 Make Her Feel Like a Goddess........................................................................................184 Exercises for Adoring Your Woman......................................................................185 Profound Intimacy through Sharing Vulnerabilities..............................................191 Profound Intimacy through Kissing................................................................................. 196 Action Steps for Profound Intimacy...........................................................................202 Stage III Communion............................................................................................................................205 2
Stage III Phase I Foreplay..........................................................................................................208 Key Points within Foreplay....................................................................................................213 Areas to Explore within Foreplay....................................................................................219 Exploring Her Face................................................................................................................220 Exploring Her Ears..................................................................................................................221 Exploring Her Neck...............................................................................................................223 Consciously Incorporating Touch as You Kiss Her..................................225 Using Touch to Arouse the Rest of the Body............................................ 227 Exploring Her Lower back............................................................................................... 229 Exploring Her Stomach....................................................................................................233 Exploring Her Legs..............................................................................................................235 Exploring Her Buttocks.....................................................................................................240 Exploring Her Breasts........................................................................................................242 Exploring Her Yoni.................................................................................................................248 Action Steps for Foreplay.................................................................................................253 Stage III Phase II Sexual Exploration.............................................................................254 Using Your Fingers.....................................................................................................................256 Stimulating Her Clitoris.............................................................................................................261 Exploring Her G-spot, Deep Spot, and Fornix.................................................268 Oral Pleasure..................................................................................................................................275 Ejaculatory Orgasms................................................................................................................280 The Fine Art of Making Love..........................................................................................283 Thrust Variations and Clitoris Access during Sex.......................................287 Exploring Sexual Positions...................................................................................................296 Pleasuring Her Anus...................................................................................................................301 Expand Your Primal Energy............................................................................................. 305 Exercises for Enhanced Love Making.......................................................................308 Action Steps for Sexual Exploration..........................................................................316 Stage III Phase III Communion..................................................................................................317 Moving Subtle Energy ................................................................................................................321 3
Breathing with Your Goddess..........................................................................................323 Completing the Communion Cycle................................................................................326 Action Steps for Communion.......................................................................................... 330 Final Words....................................................................................................................................... 331
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Introduction Have you ever had that nervous feeling of tightening at the pit of your stomach, sometimes even frozen with fear not knowing how to approach a woman, woman, what to say on a date, when to go for the kiss, how to undress her, or what to do in bed? What if there is a step by step method that systematically leads you at your own pace from beginning to end in attracting, building deep connection, creating love, and pleasuring women! Well there is and you are in luck! This book you are about to read is exactly what I wanted and needed when I was praying to God that I wouldn’t die a virgin. I wanted to be with a girl so badly but had no clue where to even start. Every master was once a disaster. English was my second language when I came to the US at 10 years old, so just learning to communicate was a huge challenge. I was also extremely overweight and had three rolls of fat around my stomach that was so big that I couldn’t see my penis when I looked down. I got into fights all the time with kids who made fun of me until high school. I could not get any dates for the prom throughout my four years of high school. I remained a virgin and didn’t get any play at all through my four long college years. This was supposed be the wildest years of most people’s 5
lives. Not getting any play with women was definitely not out of a lack of desire. I wanted women so badly and had many women friends but just had no clue how to turn them into lovers or girlfriends. I majored in psychobiology, but I minored in masturbation. There were so many nights that I just got drunk and was hopelessly wondering whether I would ever get laid. When there is a will, there is a way. Fast forward to today. I have intentionally gone out and talked to and approached 70+ 70+ women a week as a practice and experience of applying attraction strategies. I learned through experience and observation what kind of look, approach, body language, communication, connection, technique, etc. would bring me and various women the most dynamic interaction, pleasure, and fun. I am part of a consciousness and sensual community and help throw play parties where 20, 50, 100, 200 people get together to explore their sensuality and sexuality. I have had open relationships with 4 women at a time while handling all the challenges that can arise from authentically communicating and having them know about each other and still having incredible sensual and sexual play. I have practiced orgasmic meditation meditation at the One Taste Retreat Center where I was waking up at 5:00am in the morning to practice giving various 6
different women clitoral orgasms while getting feedback on my timing, pressure, speed, location, etc. I have dated some of the most incredible and beautiful women ranging from the captain of a university tri-athlete team, yoga instructor, go-go dancer, stripper, burlesque dancer, model for Budweiser, etc. I have given lovers over 30 orgasms orgasms in one love making session. What I am the most proud of is that I am still great friends with most of my exes. They are incredible people who have added immensely to my life and the mutual appreciation for what we continue to bring to each other’s lives is immense. Through my incredible desire to master the area of relationships and women, I have devoted myself to the art and science of attracting, connecting, loving, and pleasuring women. Through my incredible pain and suffering of being a Virgin until I was 23, I am totally inspired to help men like you not just to get laid, but to become a complete lover, because sleeping with a woman is just the tip of the ice burg of what is possible in the art of sensuality and sexuality. Yes, getting off feels good, but believe me, it is a far greater pleasure to have a woman completely surrender to you, you and to know that you can lead her to places physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually that she does not even know is possible. I have worked hard to take myself to the level that I am at now with women and you will benefit by having me clearly delineate the crème de la 7
crème practices, techniques, and principals that will turn you into a complete lover! I started from from scratch. I was not a natural with women, not by a long shot. Everything I have learned you can learn too. All the artistry and mastery that I have gained in the attraction, connection, sensual, and sexual realms you too can have with practice. There is no limit to how great of a lover you can become, and I am constantly pushing myself to the edge of what is possible. Out of a desire to never be made fun of again, never to be looked down again, and never to be rejected by women again, I have worked hard to perfect myself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Now that I have accomplished a certain level of mastery in these realms, I have realized that rejections rejections and failure are part of the game and have enough self confidence to know that only by risking more than other people are willing to risk and falling more times than others fall, do you get a chance at gaining what you truly desire. Through my desire to perfect myself, I have gained certain mastery in the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual realms that I will infuse into this materials to help accelerate your ability as an an incredible lover. Physically I have played four years of college football, competed internationally in Ultimate and won the championship in Hong Kong against 6 other countries, and spin fire professionally with a troop and have performed in front of 40,000 people. Emotionally I am certified in hypnosis, life coaching, and am a NeuroLinguistic Programming Master Practitioner and Trainer, and have helped 8
people resolve deep emotional trauma from rape, phobias, weight loss, to smoking cessation, etc. Mentally I was on MTV for doing math calculations faster than a calculator, I have given seminar tours on human consciousness, and am passionate about accelerated learning techniques that can quickly help me and you embody and actualize the results that we desire. Spiritually I was raised in a Buddhist family, went to Catholic grade school, Christian summer camps, Quaker high school and have traveled the world extensively in exploring the truth behind religions from Buddhism in Tibet, Hinduism in India, Taoism in China, Native Maori traditions in New Zealand, Huna in Hawaii, and Catholicism in Italy. I have taken all of my skills and experiences and applied myself to becoming a complete lover because I knew that I wouldn’t be completely happy even with all the money and accolades in the world, if I could not attract a woman or women whom I adored and loved, who adored and love me, and blew her mind with where I can take her sensually, sexually, and spiritually. This is what I want for you, to become skilled in the Venusian arts of being an incredible lover so that you can love and pleasure the woman of your choice so deeply that you become a pathway for her to the divine. Seems like a tall order, but this is my intention and the path I would like to pave for you with this book. I am constantly learning, and sensuality and sexuality will be a life long exploration for me to take me and my lover or lovers to ever higher levels of play, pleasure, and bliss.
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What you are reading has been built upon the shoulders of giants in the field of attraction strategies, sensuality, and sexuality. I have incredible appreciation for the work that has been done before me and can best express my gratitude through continuing to research, distill, refine, and unravel the mystery that are women. There are many key influences that accelerated my learning in the various relationship stages you will be learning about. For the attraction stage David DeAngelo and Mystery are my favorites. I spent over $3,000 in studying the PUA materials from many different leaders. This is an underground network of guys called the “Pick Up Artists” and the leaders of this field got to where they are by going out and picking up women 4 hours a day, 7 days a week, for well over 2 years. The underlying primal attraction keys that they have discovered is absolutely dynamite and work incredibly in creating the initial attraction and leading them to the bedroom. In my book, I will give you the most effective “techniques” from the PUA community that you can customize for yourself so that you are not memorizing lines and on some level manipulating women to sleep with you. I think that for most men, once they mature past the ego gratification of being able to sleep with women, want to be with an amazing woman/women who they can be totally authentic with, have an incredible connection, have her her worship you for the depth of the man who you embody, embody and for the pleasure that you can draw out of her. To get to this level, most PUA materials will not suffice. This brings us to the connection stage. In order to elicit the most explosive pleasures out of women, you have to connect with her heart. Romance novel is to women what porn is to men. To get her to absolutely 10
think you are a God in and out of bed, you have to know how to open her heart, heart and no amount of “techniques” can get you there. You have to grow and genuinely be the man worthy of her trust and surrender. Some great influences that have helped me develop the fine distinctions within how to deeply connect with women are David Deida, my soul to soul community, and my consciousness community where we gathered with the premise of interacting with truth, authenticity, and intimacy. Having been with my community for over 7 years, and being called back when I check out, being met by the deepest care and love, knowing the level of depth that is possible, and not settling for any less than my full presence, presence has been the crucible for the materials that you will be learning in the connection Stage. As for the communion stage, which moves from foreplay to sexual exploration to communion a great starting inspiration was Mantek Chia. I have viewed over 70 sexual education videos to discover the difference that makes the difference, practiced pink Tantra, and have practiced giving women orgasms at the One Taste Urban Retreat Center. All of this combined with being in a sensual community that regularly regularly hosts play parties where 20, 50, 100, and 200 people come together and explore sensuality and sexuality, taking all the learning and fine tuning with my lovers and girlfriends, and infusing the depth of spirituality into my love making. These are the culmination of my experiences and jewels that you will be learning about in the communion stage. Like anything worth learning, this art of being a complete lover takes desire, dedication, and a willingness to step out of your comfort zone. I have done my part in gathering and organizing the information in the most digestible and easily understandable way possible. It is now your job to 11
decide to learn and take the actions necessary to have the success with women that you deserve. Everything about attracting, adoring, and pleasuring women are learnable and transferable skills, skills so if you apply yourself to the step by step growth into a complete lover, you are going to reap the incredible benefits of becoming a sensually skilled, powerfully attractive, and a holistically loving man. My intentions for this work is not to just teach men how to pick up women, because often times “pick-up” ends up in a win/lose situation where the woman gets hurt and somehow the woman feels like she is getting played or manipulated into bed. Being a complete lever is about having a complete model not just for pickup, but for practicing and mastering deep connection, deep intimacy, and deep adoration. It is about calling forth and drawing out of the divine in the feminine, as well as mastering the sexual techniques, Tantra, and all methods of brining you and your woman to the highest level of pleasure that both of you can experience. In the end, when you are able to incorporate the sensual and sexual energy and have the pure communion of the two of you dancing and merging with the divine, you will know why I want to give you this gift, gift because it is perhaps one of the most ecstatic experiences that I know in our human existence. In becoming a complete lover, you will be transformed as a man. In the beginning there are going to be techniques, guidelines, and practices. 12
Ultimately you will integrate the deepest aspects of attracting women by going beyond techniques and becoming the man who women are naturally drawn to. The intention of this book is to give you the steps to allow you to go through the stages of learning at your own pace. pace. When you first begin to learn, you start with unconscious incompetence, incompetence which means that you don't know what you don't know. You then move up to conscious incompetence, incompetence where you know that you don't know, and this is when you discover something that fascinates you, that you are curious about, and you want to learn about. Within this complete lover book you are learning to find distinctions to further hone your ability to attract, adore, and pleasure women. As you learn and put your learning into practice, you begin to move to the stage of conscious competence, competence where you are able to consciously exercise the attraction, adoration, and pleasuring techniques with increasing mastery. Then you move into unconscious competence, competence where the being of the complete lover is integrated into who you are and the artistry of your ability to adore and pleasure women naturally flows from you without needing to consciously think about it. Reaching unconscious competence does not mean that you stop practicing, because in increasing you understanding, foundation, and fine distinctions, the range and artistry of your unconscious competence also expands. Like I have mentioned before, attraction, connection, sensuality, and sexuality, are going to be a lifelong pursuit for me because women are like 13
the universe, a mystery that will continue to unfold into infinite possibilities of exciting exploration. This is an art and a science, and I will lay down the foundation for you so that you have a step by step path to follow in reaching your fullest potential as a lover. The level of your competence will grow and deepen if you practice the principles and exercises that I share with you on a consistent basis, and the amazing part is that there are always higher levels that you can obtain. I would recommend taking on the art from of being a complete lover as a long term journey because the rewards of eliciting the most juicy and luscious aspect of the feminine Goddess will continue to blow your mind along the way. Furthermore, the Goddesses will thank you for it in the most pleasurable way imaginable!
Overview of the Three Stages Before I go into the overview, I’ll say that if you feel a need to jump ahead to a certain section (usually the sexual exploration section) go ahead! Just know that the power of any sexual technique is limited by the foundation of attraction and connection that you create with a woman. woman. The degree she will open up and surrender to the pleasure that she chooses to experience with you will hinge on the foundation of passionate magnetic attraction, trust, and feeling deeply chosen by you which are covered in the earlier sections.
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As you go through this book, make sure you do the exercises and action steps under each of the 3 stages and 9 phases of the relationship dance. There is power in applying the principles that I share with you. Reading will get you started in understanding the principles. Writing things down will help you accelerate your learning. Taking action will integrate the learning into your body. Make sure you take the time to do the exercises so that you can continue to grow and round out your capabilities as an incredible lover. I have divided the relationship dance into 3 major stages. Stage I is Attraction. Attraction Stage II is Connection. Connection Stage III is Communion. Communion Under each stage are three phases that further delineate the step-by-step progression and distinctions within each stage. Stage I is Attraction. Attraction The three attraction phases are: 1. Initial Contact In order to connect with a woman, at some point you will have to approach and talk to her. This is the phase where you prepare yourself so that you can initiate contact with any woman with confidence and finesse. 2. Conveying Value Unless you can effectively add value to your desired woman, there is no reason why she should interact with you. This means that you have to become clear about the value and gift you offer. There will be exercises that elicit and extract the story of the amazing person that is you. 3. Dynamic Tension This section is about creating an incredible magnetic attraction between you and your chosen woman. To do this, you have to allow her to come 15
toward you as much as you move toward her. The two of you get to create dynamic tension by both desiring each other passionately. Through the first two phases, you have given her ample reasons to feel incredible attraction toward you for the gifts you can bring into her life. In the dynamic tension phase, you have to get clear on your criteria on what you truly desire in a woman and have her qualify and prove herself worthy of being with the rare jewel of a man that you are developing into. When you can genuine choose her for qualities that you desire and she chooses you for the qualities you embody, this will create the foundation for mutual passion that can be intensely pleasurable. Stage II is Connection. Connection The three phases are: 1. Building Comfort In this phase you are just getting to know each other, and people who are like each other “like” each other. So first you find things that you have in common and begin to play on the same team and infuse these common interests with energy, fun, and excitement. You are feeling each other out, sharing experiences that you have had, and finding common ground and rapport with each other so that you have something to build on. 2. Deepening Connection The deeper the connection that you can make with you desired woman, the more pleasurable and dynamic your sensuality and sexuality will be later. You will learn how to ask her powerful questions to find out the core of what inspires, satisfies, and fulfills her. The more connected and comfortable you feel with each other, the easier it is to shed the façades, pretense, and protection that will lead to her pleasurable opening later.
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3. Profound Intimacy The word “intimacy” can be transposed into “in to me see”. You are seeing into the depth of each other past the idiosyncrasies and necessities of life into the dreams, passions, purpose that we all hold deep within. When you achieve intimacy, you will feel that her well being is as important as your own. You will also find out each other’s idiosyncrasies, shadows, fears, and doubts, and choose to adore and love each other through it all which sets the stage naturally for even deeper sensual and sexual exploration. Stage III is Communion. Communion The three phases are: 1. Foreplay This section will go over how to progressive lead your woman from kissing to the intricacies of exploring her secret erogenous zones and how to smoothly transition from one sensual area to another. Every step of the way, you will be able to progressively check her comfort level so that you will know how and when to explore sensitive areas such as her breasts and inner thighs. Combining this with the true care and adoration you have for her, and you can have hours of juicy exploration moving from one erogenous zone to another with artistry, grace, and passion. 2. Sexual Exploration You will learn the most essential aspects of using your fingers to give her mind-blowing orgasms, pleasuring her clitoris, giving her oral pleasure, exploring her G-spot, deep spot, and fornix as well as play with different sexual positions, how to stimulate her clit while making love to her, and practice sexual exercises for having more ejaculatory control. When you continue to build upon the foundation of trust and connection from earlier 17
phases, practicing all the distinctions here will allow you to draw out the most incredible pleasure out of your Goddess. 3. Communion Here you will fine tune your sensitivity to subtle feelings and energies so that every touch becomes amazingly pleasurable and potent. You will also merge more and more with your Goddess so that you get to feel every orgasm you draw out of her as well as knowing where to lead her next. The merging will bring you to a place of so much ecstasy that you both become portals for each other to the divine. With that, you get to take this level of joy, bliss, and rapture into your daily life and complete the circle of the relationship dance.
Stage I Attraction The attraction stage is most pertinent from the time when you first approach a woman to about the first fifteen minutes of interaction. This might seem short, but most women are sensitive, and will read into everything about how you dress, stand, walk, talk, interact, etc. and will either feel an attraction to you, be curious to find out more, or cut the interaction short. This stage is where you will learn to create enough attraction and intrigue that she wants to know more about you. You are creating your first impression. If you were to encapsulate the most fun, exciting, and amazing experiences that you have ever experienced as well your successes, talents, and gifts would you be able to convey it in 30 seconds?
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Do you have enough clarity about the value, stimulation, stimulation, and adventure that you can add to any woman’s woman’s life? life Have you sat down and written out the best parts about yourself? Do you think it would make a difference before you approached a woman if you knew exactly what you could offer a woman and exactly what to say? We all tend to judge a book by its cover if we knew nothing about the book. Superficiality is all we have got when we walk up to a woman who we have never met before, so the attraction stage is about polishing and presenting yourself in the most appealing way possible possible so that you pique her interest. Before going further, let’s examine some of the often unconscious aspects of attraction that taps into raw, ancient, and primal energy. energy In Maslow's hierarchy of needs, attraction and sex is the first driving need and motivator. Sex sells because it is one the most primal forces that has kept our species alive through the generations. Regardless of how many bizarre, fear based, and guilt inducing religious and human constructs that have been put upon sexuality, the primal forces of attraction have continued to pull men and women together. If a belief system successfully convinced the human race to abstain from sex, then that belief would destroy the human species in one generation, faster than any disease, disease, deforestation, or pollution. Artificial taboos to natural, divine created, biological functioning is what creates the blocks, confusion, and mixed messages that then manifest as sexual dysfunction such as rape, molestation, and mutilation. The key is to reclaim the natural primal energy energy that is our birthright and harness this great reservoir of raw energy and be able to direct this 19
energy with wisdom. Without the proper understanding, application, or mastery over one's primal energy, you cannot easily create the explosive attraction that you deserve with women. Many men teeter between being afraid of owning their primal energy and being too overbearing with their libido, neither of which are attractive to women. Throughout the attraction stage and the book, you will learn fine distinctions that allow you to liberate the wild, passionate, and primal animal within you while funneling funneling this energy to adore women which will have them naturally flock to you. you Imagine if you were transported back to the time of cavemen and cavewoman. If you were a cavewoman, who would you pick as a caveman to increase your chances of survival? You would probably pick someone who is visually symmetrical which indicates genetic strength and health, someone who can fight off wild animals and other cavemen, someone who can procure the resources of food and shelter, and someone who is willing to stick around to provide for and help raise your baby. This gives us some hints to what modern women are still attracted to. The primal selection and attraction process are still at work today. I will give these qualities to you in the order of importance. Women want someone who is an alpha male (fighter/protector), someone who is emotionally attached to her (connection), someone who has money (resources), and someone who is good looking (health). Over thousands of years, women have continually refined their ability to choose men with these four main survival characteristics. Out of all the 20
qualities selected for by women on a primal level, the alpha male characteristic characteristic is usually the first one selected for, for because on a primal and survival level, an alpha male can kill someone who is better looking, kill a male who is willing to stick around for a long time with the baby, and take resources and territory away from another male. This is why many women will choose to be with "bad boys" although many of them reap the emotional havoc from the lack of nurturing and commitment. Many women stick around despite of abuse because their primal attraction mechanism for an alpha male has been ignited and they don’t even know “why” they feel so attracted or take the abuse. Many women still desire to be "taken" because an alpha male can take her while beta males hesitate, check around, and ask for permission. However, if they could pick, they would choose to have a “bad boy” who is deeply connected to them emotionally. Developmentally, a women’s emotionally sensitivity is especially heightened because she needs to have the almost psychic ability to sense whether a man is connected to her emotionally enough to stick around. Any time she has sex, on a primal and biological level, she can get pregnant. If the man is not emotionally connected to her, then he will not be there for her and she could die during childbirth, or at the very least be stuck with taking care of and providing for the child by herself for the next 10+ years. All this can result from one wrong decision, or one bad judgment. Emotional connection is more important than money or good looks on a primal level level because a baby with good health and genes can still die if the man leaves and she has no way to gather resources. A man can also 21
have resources and choose not to “take care” of the woman if he is not emotionally invested. As a result of these intense evolutionary pressures, most women have super antennae hard wired into their DNA for alpha male qualities and acuity for emotional connection that can judge whether most guys make the cut within the first 15 seconds. So regardless of whether you are rich or poor, good looking or plain, have a big penis or small, if you can master the art of becoming an emotionally mature alpha male, male solid and confident in knowing that you can handle yourself in any situation and develop the emotional depth, connection, and refinement, you can light up a woman's primal attraction circuitry like a Christmas tree! Now that you know what qualities she is looking for, we will move on the first phase to help you begin to implement, prepare, and grow the qualities that are naturally attractive to women.
Stage I Phase I Initial Contact One of the most frequent questions that guys ask is “how do I approach a woman?” or “what are some good pick up lines that I can use?” The underlying fear is usually “how do I nonchalantly walk up to a woman without making a complete fool out of my self?” Attraction is primal. You can grow to like someone, but there are some people who you are just “hot” for right off the bat. Biologically, attraction 22
is a survival or genetic mechanism to bring the male and female genders of the human species together to create strong and healthy offsprings who are most likely to survive. In the animal kingdom, this is why brilliant colors in peacock feathers, large antlers on stags, large and elaborate nests in birds, etc. are continually selected for and passed on to the next generation. Even though we now live in a "modern" society, these primal drives are still circulating within our genes and to overlook these drivers is to not fully utilize one of the most powerful sexually magnetic forces available to us. The more conscious we are of the underlying reasons for why we feel attracted to women or why women are naturally attracted to certain males, the more we can intentionally amplify that aspect of us, us turn up our desirability to women, and utilize the beauty of being human to grow and transform ourselves. With the proper understanding, application, and implementation of the principles I am about to introduce, you can grow and integrate any attractive attractive qualities into who you are. Unlike peacocks which are limited genetically to the size and brilliance of their feathers, the attraction in for the human male goes beyond mere physical appearance and is a learnable and transferable skill. Furthermore, by becoming the most attractive man you can be, you are also giving women the gift that they naturally want on the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual level. As I mentioned earlier the four primal factors of attraction that women filter for are being an alpha male, emotional connection, resources, and health in that order. Being a leader or alpha male is first because he can kill and take away the resources of any other male. Second is emotional 23
connection because without this, the woman can be in survival danger if the man does not take care of their baby. Resources and health are then bonuses for survival. If you have doubts about this order, think in terms of survival dynamics. dynamics I will take you through the thought process for looks which is last on the list. It is last because a man who is healthy or good looking can be killed by the tribal leader, leave the woman with the baby, and have no resources to take care of the baby. This is why the other three trumps the last one because what good is a good looking baby if it doesn’t survive? Although we live in the modern times, these dynamics are still very much the subconscious keys for attraction. attraction This is good news for you because you don’t have to look great or have money to attract incredible women. You just have to become a leader and be able connect and fulfill her emotionally to have more success with women than you ever dreamed possible. possible With all this in mind, I will address one of the major blocks to making the initial contact. In order to be with a woman, you have to take the first step of going up and talking to her. This is where most men get stopped. This is also where you have to grow into being a leader and an alpha male. If you were an alpha male, would some fear of rejection rejection stop you from going for the woman you want? Not likely. Hence, if you simply go up to women and talk to them, you are already exhibiting the primary attractive factor of being a dominant male. If it makes you feel better, your fear of approaching women is justified. In ancient times, we lived in tribes of 30-100 people. Within a small tribe, if you approached a tribal chief’s woman, you might be beat up or even killed 24
out of pure survival instincts. Also, if you approached a female and she rejects you, she might tell the few other eligible women in the tribe and it’s over for you in terms of passing on your genes. Although we are far past those times this “safety mechanism” still remain with us that can hold us back. One of the keys for growing ourselves in empowering ways is to feel the fear and go up to women anyways. Start now in growing yourself into a powerful man. Make this statement your new motto: “Feel “Feel the fear and do it anyways.” anyways.” Know that you might get rejected and do it anyways. Feel secure enough about yourself that if a woman turns you down that it is her loss. Feel the fear and draw forth your courage to go for what you desire! Even the best of us are going to feel some fear in approaching women, but with practice you can develop the habit of feeling the fear and going for it anyways. Start by just saying hello. Practice makes perfect. We now live in a much more forgiving time with millions of people around us where you could walk up to 20 different women a day and not run into them again. Over time you will feel the fearful emotion come up just before you initiate contact and perhaps call it excitement. There will be many exercises to prepare and polish you for this so that you can walk up to a woman being as prepared and with as much finesse as possible.
Pitfalls of Initial Contact Before I go over what to do to best prepare yourself, I will go over some pitfalls to watch out for. If you find yourself falling into any of these 25
pitfalls simply correct course. There is more danger in thinking that you are perfect and resisting change, then to have an open mind and being flexible in shifting oneself to align more with what works. Thoughts create patterns create habits create identity creates your life. This means that if some of these pitfalls are part of your habits and identity, then they stemmed from consistent thought patterns that probably no longer serve you. So make up your mind to shift into patterns of thought that empower you and I will be giving you exercises throughout the book to assist you. Our minds are amazing. It will find whatever evidence to support our beliefs and answers to questions that we ask ourselves consciously or unconsciously. Like search engines on the internet, you can type in “war” and millions of web pages will come up. Similarly, you can type in “love” and millions of web pages will come up as well. You can spend the rest of your life reading and experiencing the terrible things that happen in this world, or you can spend the rest of life celebrating the amazing journey that is life. It all comes down to consciously choosing the filters of your beliefs. What does this have to do with approaching women? Everything. Women are extremely sensitive. Desirable women can be approached 20+ times a day. That’s 7300 times a year. That’s 35,600 times in five years. They hey will make a judgment about you in the first 3 seconds before you say anything just for time management. Your underlying belief about yourself is what they will be first picking up.
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Since your body language will reflect subconscious beliefs held by you over time, I will go over pitfalls in body language that you can correct as well as thought and behavior patterns that are natural indications of survival weakness that will reduce attraction and have her decide not interact with you. Pitfall #1 Nervousness Nervousness can be indicated by speaking too fast, walking too fast, twitching, fiddling with your fingers, fast movements of most kinds, not being able to sit still, darting your eyes, etc. Nervousness indicates that on some level you feel unsettled within yourself, that you feel uncertain, unworthy, and that the woman you are interested in is above you or out of your league. Most women do not want to be with a man who she can’t trust and count on. She wants a man who has his stuff together, can protect her, and can lead her, not someone she has to mother. If you're nervous, then when a situation comes where she needs protection, are you going to hesitate in protecting her? Probably. When you express nervousness, she's likely going to weed you out. This is not to say that nervousness makes you a bad person. With practice you can turn your nervousness into calmness with just a few deep breaths. breaths Practice noticing anytime you are reflexively nervous and allow yourself to become centered and grounded in those instances. This practice will allow you to grow into someone who can choose to remain calm and clear in the center of a storm and develop the confidence in knowing that there is nothing you cannot handle, including the woman you are interested in. Pitfall #2 Closed posture
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The second pitfall is having a closed posture. This occurs when you are hunched over, over, your hands or feet are crossed, crossed, and your your body is rigid. Closed posture indicates some levels of tightness in your body and can also indicate some nervousness. It also communicates that you are not going to be as much fun and playful. Women love excitement, fun, play, juiciness, and lusciousness. So, if she's going to interact with you and you're going to add some stiffness and rigidity to her life, then there's not a lot of incentive for her to choose to be with you. So open up, breathe deep, and relax. Anytime you realize that you are becoming closed off or contracted, consciously open yourself up more on the physical level, and you will be amazed at the space that gets created for you mentally. Make this a practice by taking 10 seconds to change your state whenever you are not reflecting reflecting your deeper possibilities, possibilities and be prepared to be amazed, not only at how many more women find you attractive, but also in how you feel about yourself. Pitfall #3 Trying to Win Her Approval Pitfall three is trying to win her approval which can happen when you are buying things to get her approval and giving her compliments from a place of supplication. supplication Women feel cheapened by this, as if you can buy her into bed. There’s a fine line between buying things for her because that’s who you are, and you love to adore her in that way, versus being uncertain about what you have to offer as a person, so using money or compliments to fill the gaps hoping she will like you better. Another indication that you're putting her on a pedestal is when you are “trying” to cater to her every whim and being a yes-man to whatever she wants. Most men will suffocate a woman because he is afraid that she 28
will leave him otherwise. Women want a man who has his own direction, is certain about his ability to create, and who she she can trust. trust So take her opinions into account and then decide and lead her into amazing experiences. When you are supplicating to her whims and desires and saying "oh, whatever you want", she then has to lead and make the decision. You were trying to be “nice” and not risk making a wrong decision, but now she has actually access the masculine aspect of herself in making the decision which turns off her feminine flow and surrender. surrender When you're putting the woman on the pedestal it also indicates that she's above you, that you are not playing on a level field. An incredible, desirable woman does not want that. Unless they are really drunk or desperate, women want an equal playmate who can meet her, who will be there for her, who she can trust and have tons of fun with even if it is just for one night. Pitfall #4 Over-Proving Yourself A similar pitfall to seeking her approval is trying to prove yourself too much. If you're trying to impress her with your money and accomplishments rather than just knowing what you have to offer, then you are trying too hard. Once again, there’s a fine line where you know and love what you've accomplished and where you are insecure and need her approval for those accomplishments. Needing her to like you is a sure way way to turn her off because it’s a sign that you do not have a strong sense of yourself and that she can knock you off your direction and purpose easily just with a little frown. She will 29
then be running the relationship which is fine, but most women if they are “strong” have a underlying desire to have a man who can “take her” who is “stronger” and can lead her to her feminine opening and surrender. Be the man who clearly knows his worth and share your greatness through your being. As you talk with your woman, note ifif you are bragging rather than sharing. sharing. Once again, this is a fine distinction. I like to brag sometimes, it is overdoing it to hide some underlying insecurity that you have to watch out for. Sometimes, it is much easier to wear our successes on the surface hoping to draw attention away from what we fear the woman will reject us for, rather than owning our shadows solidly and sharing both your accomplishments and your idiosyncrasies with equal pride. The practice of being a complete lover is not just about picking up women, it is ultimately a transformation of you into the highest vision of who you can be. The attractiveness that you develop, hone, and simmer within yourself in the process will be a crucible where you are transformed into a man who women are naturally attracted to. Pitfall #5 Being Defensive Being defensive and uncomfortable about your shortshort-comings isis another indicator of low selfself-worth. The “shame” can be anything from being a bad lover, being fat, having no money, no friends, etc. as extreme examples. None of us are perfect. We all have things about us that can use a little improvement. No woman is perfect either, so how your handle your own imperfections is going to show her how you will handle her imperfections. imperfections. Are you going to make a mountain out of a mole hill, or do you have enough maturity to acknowledge and accept what you can’t 30
change, and give your best shot in systematic strengthening your weakness that is within your power to transform. If you can be confident in yourself with little money, that comfort is very sexy for a woman. This communicates that the external has little effect on your value on yourself, and most woman will choose that confidence over external things. Yes, it’s great to have nice things and to have everything in place, but life has its ups and downs. It is the man who can be a solid rock during the storms whom a woman can trust and relax into. It is really about how you relate to yourself. If you can be humorous with your short-comings, that is extremely sexy. The humor shows that if the two of you are going to have a relationship that lasts for a longer period of time. Most women women will filter for “boyfriend material” right off the bat even if she just wants a one night stand stand at the time. You ability to use humor indicates that as challenges come up, you will be able to handle them with grace, confidence, and levity. It is not whether challenges will come up in life and in how you relate with women, it is in how you handle yourself in the face of those challenges that indicates your desirability and your attractiveness to women. Pitfall #6 Putting Yourself Down Another pitfall that indicates low self-esteem or low self-confidence is putting yourself down or looking down excessively. This is where a woman gives you a compliment, and you say, "Oh no, no, no, I'm not that great." False modesty is not sexy. If you cannot own your great qualities, then you probably do not put much worth in yourself. If you cannot value 31
yourself, why should she value you? If she cannot value you, then why should she spend time with you? When you put yourself down you also communicate that you do not have enough faith in yourself and that you probably don't go for what you truly want. How are you going to co-create the vision, the life, and the passion that she, as a desirable, incredible goddess, would want? Pitfall #7 Putting Other People Down Another pitfall similar to the previous pitfall is putting other people down. Usually, the need need to lower other people in order to feel better about yourself is a sign of low selfself-esteem. Someone really solid in who he is does not need to do that. You can actually help raise people to their highest potential without feeling like they would somehow take away from your own brilliance. You are solid enough in knowing your own worth, and actually want to have amazing people around you so that you get inspired to grow even more. If you check within yourself, you will realize that almost all of our seemingly “negative” perceptions, judgments, and actions are patterns that have “served” us in the past on some level. This can range from being angry and closed off to people to protect ourselves from being hurt, to overeating or smoking to comfort ourselves and take us out of the harsh reality that may be our lives. Similarly, putting other people down is one quick way to feel better about where you are at or what you have to offer. offer This is similar to grading on a curve where if only got 60 out of 100 on a test, but the average was 50, you feel much better than if the average was 95. Many people then develop the habit of spending their time nitpicking on what’s wrong with 32
other people rather than focusing their energy on how they can elevate themselves. themselves. Like the other non-empowering coping mechanisms, it is time for an upgrade if you want to attract the quality of women you deserve. Allow other people’s greatness to inspire you to higher levels of possibility and actualization within yourself. Instead Instead of lowering other people, raise yourself to a higher standard.
Proper Mindset Mindset for the Initial Contact Now that you have gotten to know some of the pitfalls during initial contact and how to transform them, I will share with you a few great mindsets to have to get you even better prepared. In the case of approaching a woman, there will always be inherent risks in her saying no or even rejecting you. By strengthening yourself, developing qualities that you can be proud of, being certain about your worth, and avoiding the pitfalls that I have mentioned, you will be well on your way to becoming a man who is naturally attractive to women. Then, approaching lovely women becomes more of a fun interactive game, where you know that you can enrich her day day whether anything comes of the interaction or not. As you approach a woman, even before you open your mouth, she can feel your presence. As you can tell from all the possible pitfalls, women are extremely sensitive to what you have going on physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Later on, we will continue to fine tune your body 33
postures to convey confidence, dominance, presence, and value. For right now, we're going to go over the inner preparation to move you closer and closer to developing into your higher possibilities as a man. By inner preparation, I mean what you have going on in your mind. You need to have your best qualities at the tip of your tongue, at the forefront of your consciousness, so that as you approach any woman, you know what you can offer her in enriching her life. You have to convey the fact that if she chooses not to interact with you, it would be her loss, because you are a prize. Aim for the result that every woman who you choose to interact with will on some level become more open, more knowing of her femininity, and where you draw out her most incredible qualities regardless of whether anything becomes of your interaction. Knowing that you can do that for her will allow you to go up to women with a whole new different air about you. One of the first ways to prepare yourself is to know your gift. Write down what gift, what talent, what fun you would be able to offer a woman. If she chooses to be with you, what experiences will you be able to lead her into? These “gifts” can range from your brilliance, your physical power, your fun-loving nature, your playfulness, your creativity, your travel experiences, your ability to communicate, your technology wizardry, your humor, your skills at massage, your presence, your wisdom, your innocence, your musical talent, etc.
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Know exactly what's unique about you that you can offer a woman that would enliven and enrich her life. In our society nowadays, so much of the time we are thinking about what we can get for ourselves. Often times when a man approaches a woman, the main thought that's running through his head is “how can I get her into bed”, and women will pick that up. It's natural, it's actually ok to have those thoughts because that's the primal aspect of a man who wants to pass on his genes with an amazing, beautiful, flowing, feminine, nurturing woman. Yet, to have sex be the only driver for you interacting with a woman will not work as well as having a more multi-dimensional approach. If you are reading this book, and have gotten the premise that I have outlined for you for achieving the level of sensual and sexual mastery that you are capable of, then you have high aspirations for yourself. So master the primal energy within you to be able to create art out of it, and use it to help women open open more to their feminine divine. Ask yourself, what are the things that you have developed through your life that you can offer women? Look deep. Everyone has something to offer. It could be your humor. It could be the way that you can touch her and love her. It could be the silliness and adventures you can take her on. It can even be your mastery of video games. Write down what you are comfortable with. Your gifts are unique to you. Once you are clear about what your gifts are, it is much easier to find a woman who can truly receive your gifts, and you deserve to be with a woman who is naturally enthralled by what you have to offer.
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One of the main reasons in knowing your gifts is to know your worth. Most women do not want to be with a man who doesn't feel like he deserves her unless she has some serious self-worth issues or if she wants to be “invulnerable” with the man she chooses to relate with. Develop the knowing that you deserve the woman that you are about to approach. How do you do this? Begin by writing down your gifts, your accomplishments, and your fabulous experiences. There is something about the writing process that makes the experiences clearer, more real, and more easily accessible. Write down some of the past adventures that you have had that reveal amazing things about your personality. personality Write down amazing things that your friends and family have said about you. Recall acts of generosity generosity that you have demonstrated. All of us have had these moments. Write down all the reasons why you deserve to be with the most amazing women in the world. Yes, in the beginning this might feel like a stretch if you have not practiced this level of self-empowerment. You will grow to like and love yourself, which then makes it much easier for women to like and love you. Know that you're a catch. Know that you are unique and really take the time to write down the amazing aspects of who you are. What are the projections that you want her to perceive within you. Be clear about the identity you choose to grow into, because women will pick it up before you even open your mouth. When I say identity, I mean create a role for yourself. Who do you want to be? You can be a passionate exciting lover and grow into that identity. You can be an adventurous courageous
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warrior. You can be a wild creative entrepreneur. You can be anything you truly desire if you take the time and persistence to grow into it. Be clear about your gift, your worth, and the role that you choose to grow into. Whatever it is, write out the identity you choose and the traits associated with that identity. Allow yourself the time to develop these qualities. Writing this down will give you a clear target of knowing where you are heading. There's a story where a wise man goes up to an Olympic archer and says to the archer, I bet you that I can take almost anybody off the streets and have him shoot better than you. The Olympic archer tells the old man, “That’s impossible”. The wise man calmly said, there is a way, given one condition. What’s the condition? That he blind-fold the archer and turns him around so that he has no idea where the target is. So you see, even if you have the most incredible skill, mastery, and talent, if you do not know where your target is, you cannot hit it. The key is to be clear about the target of who you choose to grow into as a lover and the traits that you want to develop, because these are the targets and goals that you will progressively grow into. You will see quick results as you begin to hone and practice these characteristics. Allow yourself the pleasure along the way of refining your capabilities, presence, and gifts. The intricacies and distinctions of how you get to give your gift to women will grow in a ways that will continue to surprise you.
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Do not just passively read all this, do the exercise and write down all the amazing qualities, talents, experiences, and gifts that you have so you begin the journey of knowing that you are worthy of whatever amazing Goddess who you initiate contact with. This will come across as you walk up to her even without saying a word. To recap, here are the top three beliefs/internal process of men who are successful in their initial contact with women: 1. They know that they have amazing gifts to offer and are a catch and a prize. prize. 2. They think that it’s the woman’s loss if she isn’t interested. 3. They know that they are unique and have the identity of an incredible man and lover. lover.
Dress Guidelines for the Initial Contact Another aspect in the preparation of meeting women is the seemingly superficial topic of how you dress. Part of the preparation for approaching women is feeling your best. One of the ways to feel your best is to look your your best. You can also feel your best by eating foods that nourish you, engaging in regular exercises that enliven you, and knowing the gifts that you have to offer women. You can look your best, by being clean, well groomed, and being well dressed. Ah, yes, being well dressed. A topic sometimes shunned by men as being gay or a waste of time is the edge that you use to your advantage. Most 38
men do not dress well or have great fashion sense according to women’s standards. Applying some time to master this arena will help you stand out with women. If you are an intelligent man, and I am assuming that you are because you have taken the time to read this book, then applying your intelligence to master the distinctions in how you dress will open doors with with women more than you know. Your male friends will be asking you for fashion tips once you are surrounded by sexy Goddesses. Women really do pick up on the little things. The logic for most women is that how you do anything is how you do everything. If you are clean, then you are more likely to be organized in your life. If you have style, then you are going to have enough of your life together to pay attention to how you dress, and you are more likely to be an interesting man to be with. Furthermore, if you have an appreciation of colors, shapes, and fashions, then you are more likely to take the time and do the little things in the bedroom that will give her exquisite pleasure. She will read all this from how you dress? Absolutely. Go ask any of your women friends. Make sure you are clean, you are shaved or have your beard trimmed, and that your hair is combed and designed in a way that speaks who you are. If you don’t know who you are and what you want to convey, then take the time to clarify that first. One of the best ways to get a new wardrobe is to ask one of your sexy women friends to take you shopping. Women love to be helpful and love to shop, and will usually have more of an eye than you do at first. If you do not have even one woman woman friend (unlikely), go ask the cutest girl you can find on the street to help you find a new wardrobe in exchange for dinner (Yes, you might just want to choose this option anyways and go get five different outfits with five different women).
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Some basic rules to that I can give you are no white socks with dark shoes. Match belt and shoe colors. Women love shoes, if you haven't noticed. 20 pairs of shoes for a woman is a low average. If they notice their own shoes, they are also going to notice your shoes. Go and buy a pair of nice shoes that have distinctive shape, unique styling, and good tone and color to it. Sharp and clean clothing and pants are a good start, adding some flare is better. Pick clothing and pants that have special texture or design. The point is to “stand out” without being weird. It’s a fine line. Like Leonardo Divinci said, genius is being able to hold two opposite concepts in one thought, so pick clothing that are formally exotic, simply complex, softly angular, colorfully colorfully understated, understated etc. Many people dress the status quo and often times it reflects their unimaginative and average life-style. Dress in a way that speaks grounded sophistication, adventure, creativity, and intrigue. Wear interesting accessories which could be a ring, a necklace, a button, even a tie that subtly draws attention. Being well dressed does not have to mean that you are being formal. Well dressed can be “casual” with flare. A t-shirt that has a Gold Celtic symbol stitched on it can convey that you are simple, but have a tribal or spiritual awareness. A pair of jeans with flames in the back pocket can reveal your bad boy or passionate side. Your shoes might match the colors in your shirt or pants. These are the little things that make women notice you and be intrigued that you could one of those rare men who can take the time to appreciate the nuances of beauty and style in yourself and in her.
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When you are well dressed, women who are attracted to you will have an excuse to open up conversation with you just by complementing you on your clothing or accessories. If they complement you, they are usually interested in you. This is not an excuse for you to just wait for them to come up to you and not initiate contact with them. You want to stack the cards in your favor as much as you can, and having a great outfit gives you yet another edge in creating the amazing and dynamic tension that is the foundation of any juicy and pleasurable interaction.
Exercises for Initial contact Always take the time to do the exercises that I share with you because they will accelerate and deepen your learning as well as help you integrate the qualities of a complete lover. Do the following exercises to fine tune and instill the qualities and beliefs that will help you become a naturally attractive man.
Perceptual Position Exercise Pretend that you are an actor and act as if you are James Bond, Tom Cruise, Don Juan, or some character who exemplifies the most attractive man or lover you would like to emulate. Take a moment to close your eyes and imagine yourself as this person. How does he hold himself? How does he see things? How does he breathe? What does he feel? What thoughts go through his head? How does he eat? How does he sit? What would he say? How does he think? How does he walk?
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Now, stand up and embody this character, talking, walking, thinking, feeling, and seeing as he would talk, walk, think, feel, and see. see The more you get in character, the more your body begins to get a real sense of how it would be to become this man. Fake it till you make it. Pretend until it feels like you are getting this character. Do this for at least 5 minutes a day for 5 days this week so that your body acclimatizes to becoming this character. Practicing this exercise will give you a barometer for the qualities, thought patterns, body postures, etc. to begin growing into. This is a powerful exercise. Take the time to do it and you will reap the amazing rewards of becoming a man with the qualities women are naturally drawn to.
Powerful Questions Exercise If you have not begun to write down all your incredible gifts, experiences, accomplishments, and qualities, here’s another chance. Get a journal or at the very least a couple pieces of paper and keep what you have written close by. In the first week, I would read them once in the morning and once in the evening for at least 5 days out of the week just to begin to ingrain these qualities in your mind. If possible, memorize them so that they will really be at the forefront of your mind. Get in the habit of asking yourself powerful questions that draw out your best qualities. Formulate these questions in a way that elicit your best qualities and ask them to your woman. Write down your answers to the following questions so that you get a sense of what powerful questions are and begin creating more on your on. Create powerful questions of your own throughout the day on a journal that you keep around. 42
1. What are my best qualities? 2. What are some things that are unique about me? 3. What are the most incredible, adventurous, and amazing experiences that I have had? 4. What are my most notable successes and accomplishments? 5. What incredible experiences or gifts can I share with any woman? 6. What are my hobbies, passions, and direction in life? 7. What can I create in serving the world? 8. What fun amazing resources do I have in enriching a woman’s life? 9. How can I make daily life even more magical for myself and others? 10. What inspires me and what arenas am I learning and growing into? Do this exercise. Take the time to write down the answers. Take the time to memorize your top answers. Do it now. Most people don’t get what they want in life because they don’t take the necessary actions actions to achieve their goals. Are you going to choose to do it later like most people who then never get to it, or are you going to do it now? Take the time right now and do this exercise. Yes, this might take you up to half an hour. Would you go to a job interview with you hair disheveled, with stinky breath, and in your stained t-shirt? That’s how many men come across when they walk up to a woman. Doing a little preparation is going to go a long way in giving you the assurance, poise, and polish that will attract the women you desire. 43
You need to have the answers to the 10 questions at the tip of your tongue and mind. The answers will have you realize the incredible person you are and carry yourself with more confidence so that you are ready for any “chance” meetings with incredible women. Do it now. Write down the answers. Memorize them. Review the answers at least 5 days out of the first week.
Action Steps for Initial Contact Now comes the fun part! This is what you have been waiting for, where the rubber meets the road! I have given you all the concepts, inner preparations, and exercises that will prepare you to be your best self in meeting women. And now it is time to accelerate your learning by actually going up to women and saying hello! hello! You do not meet women just by finding them attractive and lusting after them. If you desire to actually meet a woman, you have to get up the courage and say hello to her. The number one part of the practice of initial contact is to start talking to women everywhere. In the beginning, just make eye contact and say hello and smile. It's not that hard but it will get you over the fear that will come up in saying hello to a stranger. The action is the part that counts. Everything that I have shared with you is to prepare you for this, and your mastery of the initial contact phase will hinge on how much you dedicate yourself to the practice of actually walking up to women and saying hello. You don’t have to start 44
conversations at first. I am starting you off easy so that all you need to do is to first make eye contact. Go out there and make eye contact with at least 20 women you have never met before within the next 24 hours. If you are serious about being great with women, commit now to doing this. this. Just reading this book is not going to cut it, you have to take action. Make sure that when you make eye contact you hold your gaze steady and just look into her left eye so you are not shifting your eyes back and forth. Smile, and make make sure that she is the first one to look away. Out of these these 20 women who you make eye contact with, say “hello” “hello” out loud to 10 of them. Just say hello. Don’t try to pick them up or do anything fancy. I can feel some of you squirming in your seats right now. Any excuse, discomfort, or fear that comes up right now is normal. But you are not growing to be a normal guy, you are growing to be an extraordinary man who does what it takes to get what you want. Feel that discomfort and do it anyways. That’s the only way you are going to get good at this. Plus, I’m not even telling you to talk to them yet, just practice saying hello. Over the next week make eye contact with at least 100 women holding your gaze steady. Say “hello” to at least 50 women. That’s 10 a day for 5 days out of the week. It’s a simple exercise, but it will get you and your body entrained and familiar with saying hello to strangers. This is huge. Do it. You won’t believe how easy it is even after the first week and you will look back and wonder what you’ve been so afraid of this whole time.
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If you haven’t committed to doing this yet, do it now. Take out a piece of paper or your journal and write on it, “I will make eye contact with 20 women a day, and say hello to 10 of them for 5 days this week week because I choose to be great with women. women.” Put this where you will read this when you wake up in the morning and before you go to bed at night. Do this right now. Yes, right now. Get a piece of paper and write this, commit to it, and follow through. Have you gotten a piece of paper and written this down? If you haven’t, do it now, or you might as well stop reading because in becoming a complete lover, you will have to push yourself to explore edges that you are not initially comfortable with. If you you are not going to take the actions necessary to apply this knowledge, knowledge, then you might as well go read a novel or go watch some TV to entertain yourself. If you choose to do the exercises and take the actions in this book, you will grow to be a man who is naturally attractive to women. If you want quick gimmicks then this is not the book for you. Quick gimmicks might work temporarily, but most women will not be fooled for long. My vision for you is to become a man who can adore and serve women into their their natural feminine flowing pleasure so deeply, that you become become a true gift for any woman. Once you have developed these characteristics, you will have the quality problem of having too many amazing women want to be with you. This book is only a roadmap roadmap to the destination of being an amazing lover. You never get somewhere just by reading a map, you have to get in the car and start driving. Everything I have given you on the map is the shortest and most direct route that I know, and you can feel free to do it at your own pace, as long as you do it. You and I both know that you got
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this book so that you can be incredible with women, the only question now is, are you going to do what it takes to get what you want? want? For those who want to accelerate your learning process, double the number of women you make eye contact with so that you are making eye contact with 40 women a day, and saying hello to 20 of them for 5 days this week. The more your practice, the faster you learn. Remember, I am not asking you to do anything that I haven’t done. As you get comfortable, have the answers from the powerful questions exercise at the forefront of your mind and hold yourself in a way that embodies your best qualities and successes as you say hello to women. Convey the amazing person you are just through your body language and the “hello”. Notice the effect that you have on women when you do this. They will pick up the fact that you know yourself better than most men. Do it. Do it. Do it. Don’t be like the guys who will continue to suck at approaching women because they won’t take the actions necessary to improve themselves. Take action. Say hello to 10 women a day for 5 days this week. If you get off work at 11:00pm, go to Denny’s and say hello to 10 women there. Tell them that it’s an assignment from a nutty coach that you have. There are no excuses. If you want tangible results, you have to take action.
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Stage I Phase II Conveying Value Put yourself in a desirable woman’s shoes. Ok, you might not be used to the high heels and G-string underwear at first, but seriously, imagine what it would feel like to be hit on constantly by men whom you have no interest talking to. Now imagine if you knew that 90% of those approaching you just wanted to use your body for sex. They don’t care if you are intelligent, have dreams, have visions, have an incredible personality, etc. What if some of those men who just wanted you for sex are old, dirty, overweight, and have bad breath? Exciting isn’t it! Given these prospects, wouldn’t you develop some time management tools? Wouldn’t you develop some ultra sensitive antennae for separating the wheat from the chaff? Yes you would! Now back to the issue at hand. Why do you want to convey value? Why do you want to demonstrate verbally and non-verbally that you have something to offer? Because unless you can add value, fun, excitement, depth, and pleasure to a woman’s life, she has very little reason to interact with you, a stranger who she doesn’t know from squat. Every phase that I am going over is built upon the phase that came before. This is why in the “Initial contact” phase you need to have 48
prepared your best qualities, experiences, talents, and successes and have them at the forefront of your mind to be clear about what you have to offer. In this phase, you will begin to craft a way to tie your best qualities together into a story, into into a game, into into an intriguing question, question etc. so that you can open her to being receptive to you because you are bringing in more energy, fun, depth, and entertainment than she is currently experiencing in her life!
First Impression After you initiate contact with a woman, you want to quickly convey that you have value, high status, and that she would be missing out if she chooses not to interact with you. Incredible, amazing, and beautiful women get hit on all the time. As a time management tool, she can appear to be cold or bitchy, but if you are approached by 10 or 20 strangers a day when you are out and about who just want you for sex, then you might also develop some time management tools otherwise you would get nothing done. I've dated some incredibly beautiful women who were models, strippers, bartenders, go-go dancers, etc. and getting hit on 10-20 times a day is really not that outlandish when they are out and about. If she engaged in conversation with 15 men a day, and the conversation was short, say 2 minutes, then that would be half an hour out of her time, every day. That's a lot of time. This is why you need to be honing, crafting, and refining how you express the brilliance of who you are so that in the briefest moment, your gift as a person can shine through. You are 49
developing the quality where you can make her laugh, bring more joy, bring more fun, bring more consciousness, and bring more insight into her life, even if nothing “becomes” of your interaction. One of the most important aspects in creating a great first impression is to create the context of strength. If you came across as a weak, nonself-confident male, and then later demonstrated some qualities of a desirable, dominant male, do you think that a woman can really trust those later qualities? On the other hand, if you came across as a solid, dominant, alpha male, in control, who knows what he wants, and then later was able to tap into his softer, gentler side, and caress her with tenderness and adoration, she would melt in your hands. You might ask yourself, how do I create the context of strength? Strength comes across in all of you being, in the unspoken body language of every move you make, in the thoughtfulness of the questions that you ask her, and in the spoken experiences that you share with her. Even as you are walking up to her, without speaking a single word, you body language already speaks reams about who you are, so this is where we are going to begin fine tuning and amplify your natural attraction capabilities.
Body Language The subtle aspects of your body language can have a woman decide whether she will engage with you or not. To make sure that you don’t get eliminated right away without even getting a chance, let’s prepare you in the powerful art of body language so that you become an intriguing man to her even as you walk up to her. her. Body postures can speak so much more than words. Often times, women will ‘intuitively” sense the kind of 50
person you are and trust that more than what you say to her. A lot of this “intuition” stems from the subconscious reading of your body language. Knowing what body qualities convey your value as an attractive, dominant, confident, present, and connected man will give you the edge that can keep your woman fascinated in what you have to offer. A side benefit of working on your body language is that the proper body language will help you grow into the qualities that you want to embody. There is an interesting principle of the body mind connection where if you are in a good state like joy, laughter, and happiness, you body will naturally express that state in having an open and relaxed posture. Conversely, if you are a bit tense, but you put yourself into an open and relaxed posture while breathing deeply and having a smile on your face, your will soon begin to experience a more peaceful and enjoyable state of being. Try feeling sad with your arms up to the sky, a sparkle in your eye, and a smile on your face. Seriously, try it. Hard to feel sad when you body says happy isn’t it? More likely than not, you will find it challenging to feel the opposite of what your body portrays. This is one of the reasons why reading someone’s face and body is often more accurate than listening to his or her words. The way we hold our bodies affect us more than we think, and unconscious patterns of thinking are held in our bodies bodies that can be transformed as we work on our body language. The body postures that I am going over have been written about in best selling books, compiled by keen observers around the world, and have been tested by myself in eliciting the most positive responses from women. These keys are modeled after natural leaders, sexy movie stars, 51
entertainers, multimulti-millionaires, bad ass martial artists, and men who women naturally find attractive. attractive. These body postures have their basis in our neurology and communicate one’s desirability as soon as you walk into a room. By practicing the body postures that make the most impact in becoming a naturally desirable male, you will begin to make the body mind connection of what it feels like to be that man. Overtime, embodying the proper body postures can help you become that magnetically attractive person. person. Furthermore, knowing that you body dictates at least 80% of how you feel, you begin the journey of self-mastery where your emotions no longer rule you out of habitual patterns developed over a life-time. Instead, you get to consciously transform your emotions and direct them in a way that would serve to open a woman to her divine femininity. As an exercise, for at least one week, be aware of anytime you are feeling nervous, worried, unsettled, sad, unhappy, angry, etc. and notice your body posture. Take just 15 seconds to consciously shift your body posture to one that makes you feel peaceful, grounded, clear, joyful, joyful, happy, happy etc. Just take 15s. If it “doesn’t work” after 15 seconds, then feel free to go back to your previous state. Do this exercise every time a disempowering emotion or body posture emerges. Promise yourself to do this for the sake of attracting the caliber of women you deserve. Women are not attracted to men whose state is dictated by his external circumstances. Be a man who can remain powerfully grounded and centered regardless of the challenges that he has to face. If you take 15 seconds to shift your body position every time a negative reactionary feeling begins to surface, you will notice 52
a huge difference within a week, be on your way to self-mastery, and become a natural woman magnet. In the beginning of learning body postures that are still unfamiliar to you, practice in front of a mirror or even video yourself so that you can hone the skill. Make minor adjustments and look at and feel into the differences. Take the time to test out different positions and postures and practice holding the ones that create the most potent effect. This way when you come up to a woman who you choose to interact with, you can come across in a way that automatically begins to attract her and generate sparks without her knowing why. When you are communicating confidence, prominence, and alpha qualities in your body language, one of the components components is deliberate slowness, steadiness, and stillness. When you enter a room, the slower you move, the more “comfort” you will exhibit, and the more comfort you communicate with your body language, the more you seem to “own” the place. As you look around in the room whether you are sitting or standing, breathe breathe deep, be still and move your head slowly as you are checking everybody out. When you do this you are communicating that you are so solid and grounded within yourself that nothing can stir or perturb you. Most people when they enter a new place will “busy” themselves by shifting nervously, darting their eyes around to see if they can “find” some people they know or scope out the scene. Some will get a drink as soon as possible so they have something to “do”. Others will play with their hands nervously. If you are used to even having the crutch of going out with friends to feel comfortable and like you belong, then go out by yourself to 53
practice feeling comfortable. Go to a club that you have never been before and act as if you are hanging out in your living room. Visit posh hotels and just chill out in the lounge. Make reservations to nice restaurants and relish the experience of dining by yourself. As you go to random new places, practice moving slowly and deliberately. deliberately Check out the room leisurely while breathing deep like you are a multimillionaire considering buying the place and taking in what this place has to offer. Relax your entire body and move as little as possible while you look around. Be still, there’s nothing to do and nowhere to be except here, now. Be present and enjoy the new places as much as humanly possible. The mentality to develop here is that you know yourself, like yourself, are confident in yourself, and are such an an interesting person that anywhere you go can be an adventure, and anyone you meet can benefit from your interaction. Yes, it may seem arrogant or a stretch right now, but this is the person who you are developing into and who women are naturally attracted to. If you continue to practice everything that I share with you in this book, you will be surprised at the pace and progress you will be making. As you continue your practice of moving slowly and deliberately, you want to take up a lot of space with your body and your movements. This means your feet and legs are wide apart, your shoulders are back, your arms are open and extending outward, and you are breathing deeply so your chest is open. If you are walking, your hips are swinging freely and there’s even a slight swagger. It’s walking with confidence without the need to show off. Your shoulders are back walking tall and proud, and your arms swing naturally. 54
When you are still, you are still, when you move, you move with power, impact, and authority. When you gesture with your arms, you use big sweeping movements or high impact movements. Be directive, clear, and precise with knowing what you want and who you are. Even without communicating, you are leading with you body. You are being the person that other people want to be. So, breathe deep, be still, and be present. When you are sitting or standing, notice when you are getting tense or making yourself smaller by folding your arms or crossing your legs. Consciously change your position positioning ioning to make your self as relaxed and take up as much space as possible. Notice when you are breathing shallow and take slow deep breaths. When you notice these constrictions, take 15 seconds to adjust into a more expanded position. You will begin to notice the difference your body positioning makes in your mental states throughout the day. Be still, move deliberately, breathe deeply, keep open postures, and take up space because these are the most essential essential aspects in beginning to grow yourself as a naturally attractive man. These may seem simple, but they are potent. Practice these until they become a part of you. Additional and more subtle aspects of body language will be gone over throughout the rest of the book. For now, focus on moving deliberately, breathing deeply, and taking up space. If you haven’t done the exercise from the initial contact phase of acting as if you are the sexiest and most attractive man alive, then do this exercise now. Commit to taking 5 minutes a day for 5 days this week to embody the sexiest man alive. Think, see, feel, move, stand, sit, and breathe the way the sexiest man alive would think, see, feel, move, stand, 55
sit, and breathe. You will begin to get a sense and grow into this level of potent body language. When you begin to master body language, you will naturally be much more attractive to women. They might not even “know” why they are attracted to you which is even better because the more unconscious the primal body attraction responses, the deeper the women believe it as “real”. As a side benefit, you will command more respect with your friends, family, business, and develop a healthier psychological confidence and worth. Take 15 seconds to adjust your body posture every time you notice constriction or negative feelings and practice the major components of attractive body language of being expansive, open, relaxed, taking up space, deliberate and powerful in your movement, still and slow when you are standing standing or sitting, sitting etc. Practice in front of a mirror and every where you go. Practice makes perfect.
Eye Contact As an extension of your body language, the way you make eye contact with a woman can increase your attraction to each other dramatically or decrease the attraction when done improperly. Be present when you look at someone. As you talk, look into just one of their eyes, instead of darting your eyes back and forth. Hold your gaze still. Remember, stillness, slowness, and relaxation communicates all the right things. When you engage and look into someone’s eyes, practice having the other person look away before you do. This might feel awkward in the beginning, especially with men. There might be some tension that naturally occurs 56
because on a primal level the person who holds the gaze longer is more dominant, and if two people are having a staring contest, then a fight is about to happen to assert the dominance level. For a woman, if she’s not really interested in you, she’s going to be avoiding your eyes in the first place. If she is looking at you, make sure you hold the gaze and that she looks away first because it creates all the right sexual tension. Your ability to be still and present can come through in the length and depth that that you can hold a gaze. Sometimes you might feel your eyes twitch because there is too much energy to contain or you might not be used to being so present in the moment. As you develop your ability to hold a steady gaze, you will begin to curb your tendency to be scattered, unsettled, and nervous. Breathe deep and relax as you hold a steady gaze. You can even practice in the mirror for a minute a day to accelerate your ability to be powerfully present in your gaze. Any tendency or desire that you have have to look away with a woman will usually stem from your inability to “contain” the potent sensual and sexual energy that is there in the moment. A woman wants to be claimed and if you are not feeling full in your ability to claim her, if you are not feeling confident, if you are not feeling worthy, if you are feeling embarrassed, then the tendency is to look away. A woman is unlikely going to choose a man who is not strong enough to choose and claim her. So practice and develop the strength necessary to hold a powerfully steady and present gaze in growing yourself to be a man worthy of the most incredible women. Practice eye gazing with everyone, if a guy asks you what you are looking at, then you can just say that you thought he was a friend. If you are gazing for more than 5 seconds, then a smile will usually diffuse the tension. Adding a sly smile with a woman as you gaze eyes with her will 57
add a juicy dynamic where you are not just claiming her, you are flirting with her. her. So play and have fun with this and make it a part of who you are.
Voice Another important addition to your body language and steady eye gazing is to fine tune your voice. As you speak, take note of the pitch, range, speed, and projection of how you speak. When you speak, you want the tone to be resonant. Notice if you are speaking only from your throat rather than from the fullness of your belly. Speak clearly, allow the pitch to be a little lower, and increase the range of voice so that it creates dynamic emphasis and musical contrast. The intention here is to work with the voice that you have and amplify its depth, power, clarity, and projection. Your voice can change with practice. In the beginning, you will need to be conscious of its change, but with time, your new “voice” will become your natural voice. The qualities of a “sexy” voice that you want to integrate are resonant, deep, potent, and clear. Allow your breath to infuse the words you speak. If you are breathing shallowly, correct this by breathing deeply through your belly. Through time, you may have developed habits of speaking with shallow breaths and high pitch due to a lack of confidence of speaking your truth, not fully expressing yourself because of your uncertainty, or being afraid that speaking your mind or taking a stand will bring conflict or attack by others. These qualities will come through in your voice and women will pick these subtle cues up and feel uneasy around you or not attracted by you. Becoming a complete lover is about systematically systematically growing into the most 58
marvelous possibility of you. This means letting go of old patterns that no longer serve you, and replacing them with new ones that empower you to embody the best you can be. Infuse the qualities of depth, grounded ease, certainty, certainty, and power into your voice. All it takes is some practice. Just like the body postures, you will notice your self changing to embody more attractive qualities as your voice changes. Practice in the mirror. Practice in the car. Say your name in different ways for 5 minutes a day until you land on the most sexy and potent expression. Listen and notice when your voice cracks, gets shallow, softens, coughs, etc. and make minor adjustments. Most people live life by default, you are beginning to live your life by design. Remember the archer story from earlier? I am giving you a clear target to hit. Most men do not lack the desire to improve themselves, they simply do not even know where to start. I am showing you the path, now the task is up to to you to walk it. Practice your body language, eye gaze, and voice. Have fun with all of this. You are growing into a richer aspect of yourself, and the benefits will reveal themselves as women notice your transformation.
Be a Conscious Creator of Your Life Now that we have worked on the foundational subtle communication of your body language, eye contact, and voice, we want to continue to fine tune how you can outwardly express your value to a woman. The amazing thing about life is that regardless of who you are, you have gotten to demonstrate and go through the gamut of experiences from fear to
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courage, from pain to bliss, from depression to joy, from anger to peace, from failure to success. The main experience that you have in life depends on where you hold your attention and whether it is more of a habit for you to access the memories of fear, pain, depression, anger, and failure, or courage, bliss, joy, peace, and success. Regardless of where you are on the scale of polar emotions and experiences, you can from this point on for the sake of attracting the quality of woman that you desire, start to consciously choose the place on the experiential scale you would like to powerfully reside. The gamut of emotions and experiences are all useful in different situations. I am by no means a proponent of being a Pollyanna. Part of deep masculinity is the ability to contain and embrace all of our shadows and darkness and transform it into directed conscious power that serves to empower us and everyone everyone around us. The key is to be able to direct the amount of time that you spend with the shadow emotions and experiences rather than have them direct you out of habit or past patterning. If you can’t consciously handling your emotions, how can you be a pillar of support for a woman’s emotions which on average is twice as potent as a man’s emotions? One of the ways to convey high value to women is to have the mindset that there is absolutely nothing that can happen in the world that you cannot handle with grace. Put another way, you are so confident in who you are and your capabilities that you can powerfully direct your reality even when it is not initially going your way. 60
You are the creator of your reality. You are the creator of your reality. reality. You are the creator of your reality. You have to own this belief through every cell in your body and allow it to flow through every aspect of you from the way you stand, to the way you smile, to the way you communicate, to the way you move, to the way you dress, etc.
The Creator Exercise Look into your own eyes in the mirror for at least 2 minutes and say out loud, “I am the creator of my reality”. Repeat this phrase 10 times. After two minutes, write down one thing that you can do today that would take you closer to this statement. Any part of your reality that isn’t exactly as you would custom design it, take action to make it so. The change does not have to be monumental. It is the consistent improvement stacked up over time that will allow allow you to become and grow into the full possibility of who you can be. The action might be as simple as making your bed, having your room clean, eating more vegetables, working out, complimenting yourself, breathing deeper, playing some basketball, creating a mastermind group, writing out a business plan, etc. Do this at least three times a week so that you are reminding yourself to take consistent action to embody the statement that “I am the creator of my reality”. 61
Engage Her with Questions Now that you have been preparing with the most magnetic body language, eye gaze, voice, and are consciously creating your life, I am going to introduce the fine art of engaging your woman by asking questions. Everything that we have gone over is to prepare you to walk up to a woman, say “hello” and begin engaging her in a conversation. When you first walk up to a woman, one of the easiest ways to engage her is to ask her a question. Questions are one of the best ways to bridge the abyss of not knowing someone and beginning to tap into their mind, personality, and thoughts. When navigated properly, it can turn complete strangers into someone who feels like a close friend in matters of minutes. How you lead and direct the conversation with your questions is an art. art. As you practice, you will get more and more distinctions on how to artfully direct the flow of thoughts in a conversation to elicit the most exquisite, creative, fun, and deep thoughts out of your woman. What better way to fine tune and practice this art than to have amazing conversations with lovely women! In the beginning, after making eye contact with a woman, get yourself to ask the woman a question to begin the connection. It can be as mundane as “what’s up, so what brought you here?”, or “who do you know here” if you are at a party. Whenever possible, your questions questions should be framed within the context of where you are so that the questions make sense. If you are in a book store in the self-help section, ask her “I am always looking for great input on awesome self-help books, what have you read that you can recommend?” If you are in a clothing store, you can ask, 62
“You look like you have great fashion sense, what do you think about this shirt?” If you are in a grocery store, you can say, “I’m feeling adventurous today, what’s your favorite cereal, I want to try a new flavor.” The questions that you direct at women can also be about anything interesting about her or her clothing and accessories. If she has obviously spent time in curling her hair, you can say, “I have always been curious, how long does it actually take to make your hair look like that?” or “Great necklace, where did you get that?” Once you are comfortable starting random conversations, you can start going for more “controversial” “controversial” questions that can really amplify the fun, like “Hey, for a radiant woman like you, what do you find most attractive in a man, money, looks, or personality if you could only pick one.” You get the idea. Just understanding this concept will not make you good at this art. Practice makes perfect. Walk up to random women and start conversations just to get yourself comfortable with this art. Not only will you begin to get better with talking with women, your social life, and perhaps work will also improve as you begin to master the art of conversation. From the previous exercise where you are making eye contact with 20 women a day for 5 days a week and saying “hello” to 10, start a conversation with 3 of them. Put this on your schedule. Commit to it and do it. Start a conversation. Ask anything. Come up with something original, funny, and intriguing and just be relaxed about it. If you have been doing your previous practice you should be getting used to saying hello to random strangers by now. If you still feel the butterflies in your stomach and can't get out a question, just say hi and walk away. There 63
will always be another woman who you can start a conversation with. As you practice, you will naturally begin to flow more. I can still get butterflies today when I am about to go up to a woman who I feel a strong attraction to. Just feel the excitement and count, 1, 2, 3, and go. Turn this into a rule. Don’t think for too long. Give yourself three seconds, count 1, 2, 3, and go up to her. Remember the first couple of times you were jumping off a diving board at a pool? Yeah, it’s the same exact feeling. The first couple of times you have to just decide to do it. Whatever method you used back then, use that method now. After awhile it’s all fun and games and you can dive head first and perhaps even do flips. The playful game of meeting new women and the art of conversation will be a skill that will be useful for life, and there’s no better time than the present to master these skills. Remember, practice makes perfect! A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, and the first step in interacting with a woman is to initiate contact with her and say something or ask a question. Within this practice, you will become friends with rejection. As much as you practice, there is a 99% chance that you might ask a woman for her number, and that out of all the women you will ever ask, at least one of them will say “no” to you. She might have a boyfriend, is from out of town, just got a traffic ticket and is in a bad mood, etc. Know that it’s going to happen sometime, and that if a woman says no, that’s good, because at least you know you are in the game. Some people always stand on the side line and then complain about not winning the game. Get in the game. Become comfortable with not always getting what you want. You know that you are strong enough as a man 64
and certain enough about who you are that any external rejection won’t faze you for long. Just be comfortable and confident in who you are in knowing that nothing external can disturb the calmness and the love you have for who you are or who you are becoming. Adopt this attitude and it will come through as you walk up to women. For those of you who like formulas, here are three formulas for generating a conversation opener. Write down the customized questions that fit your personality ahead of time and memorize them so that in the heat of the moment, you can feel more prepared. 1. Compliment a woman on something followed followed by a question. Great eye shadow, is that your favorite color? Interesting purse, is it European? Cool shoes, if you were to take me shoe shopping where would you go? You have great energy, any secrets you’d like to share? 2. Tease them about about something. something. Wow, can you legally cover less of your beautiful legs with a skirt? Do you always concentrate this hard when you decide what to get? Hey that’s a killer frown you’ve got going, wanna hit my arm just to feel better? Note: the tease works best with women who are seemingly unapproachable, and is a fun, light way to jolt them out of their mood, protection, and time management cold front. 3. Ask their opinion about something. What’s your favorite sauce/drink/food here? What’s the best book you’ve read in the last month? 65
Do you have any movies that you would recommend? Write down 3 to 5 openers for each of the three formulas. Write it down in a way that is something that you can see yourself saying. Memorize them. This way you will have at least 9 openers that are at the tip of your tongue anytime you meet an interesting woman. For any of the possible responses that she gives you, you can follow up with a question that delves deeper into her train of thought and what’s important to her. Here are 3 basic chunking levels that your follow up questions can stem from. You can chunk up, chunk down, or chunk across. This is what I mean. When you ask a chunk up question you are asking her “what does this mean to you?” “What fulfills you about that?”, “What’s important to you about that?” The up questions move her from the topic at hand to her higher level reasoning and motivators motivators. These are awesome questions to ask because it gets her to share more to the “core” of who she is and gets at higher and higher levels of what emotionally brings her joy, power, excitement, love, peace, safety, and happiness. You can ask these up questions to find commonality within any topic and it will bring a sense that the two of you share things in common. If she loves ballroom dancing and you love basketball, asking questions that chunk up allows you to focus on the fact that both of you love being active, pushing your physical limit, excitement, and grace within these two activities. Down questions focuses focuses her answers answers into more specifics. If she says she likes cars you would ask what year, make, model, color, interior, rim style, 66
automatic/stick, etc. This level of questioning lets you know the specifics of what she likes. These questions ground her more into the “reality” of what she actually prefers and can help you find out the details of what she prefers. There is sometimes more passion, excitement, as well as tension that can occur when she gets specific about her experiences and preferences. This is where you find out that she likes garden burgers with lettuce, tomato, onions, ketchup, but no mayonnaise or pickles. There is something amazing about getting exactly what you want, want and these questions help you find out each other’s specific preference. Finally, there are questions that chunk across which keeps the focus of the conversation at the same level. If she likes to read travel books, you would ask her what other books she likes to read. If she likes Britney Spears, you can ask her what other artists she enjoys. If she loves shopping for shoes, you can ask what else she loves shopping for. These questions expand the current preference and allow the “level” of conversations to stay the same while expanding what you know about her on any topic. Take the time to practice asking questions that move the direction of the conversation up, down, and across. After awhile, you will begin to grasp the art of directing the conversation toward the energy that you want to create with her just by the level of questions that you are asking. In the beginning this might feel overly conscious, but over time, you will be able to ask questions that serve your woman in the moment to open and reveal her most delicious feminine self. With the skill of asking questions, you can have hours of conversation just by asking her the proper questions so you never have to worry about running out of things to say. There is also the side benefit that the more 67
she talks, the more you will be finding out about her as a person which will naturally lead to her opening up to you. Asking her great questions will also make it much easier for her to feel attracted to you because you care enough about her to ask the depth of questions that has her reveal herself to you.
Sharing Your Amazing Qualities Now that you are embodying the most powerful body language, eye contact, voice, and have engaged her with amazing questions, you are ready to share some aspects of the amazing person that is you. You could just ask her questions the whole time, but just to keep it in balance, you want to be sharing about yourself as well so that she can grow to feel even more attraction towards you. When she answers your questions, she will most likely ask about your preferences as well, and here is where you not only get to share your preferences, but weave stories of your strengths, experiences, and gifts within your responses and create the context of strength with her and convey incredible value. If you still haven’t done so, do the exercises from the previous phases and write down your most amazing experiences, qualities, and gifts. Prepare these stories so that they are at the forefront of your mind because first impressions are brief and you really want to bring forth your best if you want to relate and be with the women you desire. I am now going to help you fine tune and add to the answers that you have already written down so that you can access and relate the 68
appropriate experiences as they come up. Here are some key areas to flush out and write down in detail in helping you convey the amazing person you are and the amazing qualities that you can add to her life: 1 Peak Experiences Write down five peak experiences that you've had in your life, and when I say peak experiences I mean experiences where you were excited, exhilarated, and joyful. Recall experiences which are so memorable that they make for incredible stories for you to tell. It might be where you climbed to the top of a mountain, where you dove in the ocean and saw a stingray, where you won a race, or any peak experiences that you are genuinely excited about. Write them down. Write down these experiences so that they're at the forefront of your mind because women love excitement, passion, and adventure, adventure so having these stories at the tip of your tongue will allow you to share the most attractive aspect of yourself and be someone who she wants to play and interact with. When you share these experiences in the appropriate moments, you become in her mind, someone who she can choose to have fun, amazing, and exciting adventures with. 2 Great accomplishments Write down five of your greatest accomplishments. These can be awards, competitions that you've won, accolades, leading a project where you successfully navigated the obstacles, and stories where you overcame challenges. Some of these might have crossovers with your peak experiences, but go ahead and write down new ones, situations where you had to take time, focus, and discipline to achieve something that you you can be proud of.
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As you remember more of these experiences, know that you are extraordinary, and learn to grow more and more into your higher aspects. Remember stories where you overcome challenges physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually that was hard for you to handle, yet you looked at the obstacle and challenged straight in the eyes and overcame them because of who you are. Describe these situations with as much detail as possible, and have these at the forefront of your mind because these are the personalities and character that on some level define who you are today. Practice being able to tell these stories with drama and flare that can engage and intrigue a woman. 3 Travel Write down five places that you've traveled to. If it's just outside your home town, still write them down. If it's abroad or international, definitely write those down. Write about the places that you find the most interesting, the parts and areas that you love the most, and why you love them. Describe the amazing places that you were so excited to visit and how you were enthralled by the people, culture, building, art, etc. Write down where you were ecstatic to explore and discover something new. Travel expands the mind. Women do not like to be bored, so when you convey stories that expand her experience of the mundane, of the regular, of the banal, banal she can be engaged. In the moment of you telling the stories, you are taking her mind on a journey. You are taking her to a place which she may not have experienced before. Travel does not have to be abroad, it can be a nifty little restaurant off the beaten path that had particularly interesting themes, décor, serving outfits, foods, people, tables, presentation, etc.
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Once again, write these experiences down with as much detail as you can. Use poetry, use metaphors, and put as much emotional content as you can as you describe your experiences. Feelings are what engages women and pulls them into your story. Design the way you would share these stories with women so that you are growing into a story teller and develop your ability to speak with grace, elegance, and eloquence while weaving magical tales that turn the mundane into the extraordinary, and the extraordinary into the fantastic. 4 Leadership Write down stories where you demonstrated the desirable qualities of being a leader, dominant, alpha, in charge, and in control. Share where you lead others and everyone had a great result and a great time. Tell stories where you demonstrate these desirable, masculine, and dominant qualities and where you were responsible for creating something. Leadership is extremely sexy and attractive to women because women want to feel like she is with a leader of men, that she is protected, taken care of by a capable capable man who can create, manifest, and follow through with what he desires. Out of the incredible foundation of solidity, you can lead her on wild adventures where she gets to totally let go into the experience because she can trust your direction. These stories show her that you have the potential for leading and creating amazing experiences with her. They demonstrate the fact that you can take the initiative to lead others to manifest a vision. Women love potential, so give yourself the advantage of showing her your potential, and then live up to it. The point is not to just tell great stories and then sit by the sidelines. The point is to use the stories to remind yourself where you have gone, what you have done, and to continue to 71
expand into your greatness. You get to create the opportunity of having your woman witness you as you stretch to fulfill and continue to grow into the best aspects of your self. 5 Expertise and Mastery Write down 5 things that you are good at, hobbies that you have pursued for awhile, and skills that you have developed, because another great way to convey value is being an authority, having mastery, or being an expert in some field or some endeavor. If you are earning money doing anything right now, you are an expert more than most in that field. It is sexy for women to see a man who knows what he is doing. Show yourself as a man who has put in the time, focus, and discipline to develop and refine yourself in some way to elevate you above the crowd. Almost any skill takes time to develop, and that time and dedication is a possible sign to women that you can take the same time and dedication to adore her. Furthermore, any skill that makes you an expert demonstrates and has you stand out as a great choice among men. Tell related stories that show her your expertise and remember to convey your expertise in a way that elicits her emotions. When her emotions are aroused, you can transform dry topics, facts, and issues into magnificent stories that she can relate to. If you're a computer expert and perhaps are designing web pages, then flaunt your expertise in the way where you portray yourself as an artist designing portals into the world where everybody can connect through your vision in a way that helps people with a service that provides a true value. Jobs, skills, and hobbies are never what they seem. It is the energy, consciousness, emotions, and passion that you infuse into those things 72
that make them what they are. It is also the level of energy that elevates you to the top of any field. By learning to filter for the exceptional aspects of your skills, you get to then grow to embody that remarkable quality. Learn to become a masterful weaver of stories that turns the mundane into the extraordinary which will will then allow you you to turn any experience into magic with your woman. 6 Wisdom and Maturity Write down instances where you have embodied wisdom and maturity. Remember instances where normal people would have reacted negatively, but you allowed yourself to live closer to the higher wisdom and was able to transform your emotions in an empowering way for everyone involved. Where other people may have gotten out of hand or out of control and you were able to handle your emotions in a way that was powerful and and constructive. Tell her stories where you resolved tense situations peacefully through your presence and leadership. Show how your quick thinking was able to create a holistic solution. Demonstrate that you can use your creativity and imagination to not only resolve problems, but to add flare and adventure to the most normal circumstances. Wisdom sometimes comes from having gone down enough wrong paths to know which one to choose before falling into another ditch. These are instances where you have enough foresight to choose the higher path even though it might not be the most automatic or easy path. Maturity comes from longer term thinking where you choose harmony over being right, from seeing past people’s reactions and protection mechanism into their their need for love and care. We have all had instances where we were proud of ourselves in how we handled a situation with wisdom and maturity. Reflect upon the place that allowed you call this forth and grow these aspects in yourself even more while sharing these stories with your woman. 73
I will now recap and expand upon the core desirable qualities that you want to infuse throughout your stories, and qualities you want to continue to grow into, embody, and share with your woman. These include being a leader, good at delegating, confidence, grounded, intellectual, brilliant, stable, masculine, caring, follow through, taking a stand, having an opinion, being a protector, builder, discipline, trustworthy, strength, passion, great communicator, fun, playful, playful, adventurous, imaginative, creative, tenderness, sensitive, refined, and where you know yourself and your direction. You will be surprise to see how many of these qualities you already have in the extraordinary moments in your life. By being aware of these qualities that are already within you, you get to consciously expand these qualities so that these extraordinary moments become more and more prevalent in your daily life. The intention of writing down and sharing these stories is to push them to the forefront of your consciousness. Share these stories with your woman in appropriate places. Don’t try to fit them all in and turn it into a bragging session of telling her how great you are. Share the stories when they are appropriate. In fact, even if you don’t tell your stories, the fact that you have written them down will begin to have this awareness come across in your body language in knowing that you have great qualities and gifts to offer her. Embody these stories stories in how you “be” with her, her, through your actions, actions, and watch the sparks fly. One of the questions that I get from men is, “what if I am not that great and don’t have a gift?” Usually, you are just not looking hard enough. Most of us are really tough on ourselves and don’t give ourselves enough credit for the fun and amazing things that we have done and experienced. 74
Regardless of what age you are, you still have plenty of time to do everything that you want to do. It is our self limitation that prevents us from experiencing most things that we desire to experience. This self limitation is a turn off for women while belief in yourself and a sense of adventure is a turn on. If you haven't gone sky diving before, and you want to, then go sky diving. Go scuba diving. Go mountain climbing and rock climbing. Go learn a martial art. Go learn how to paint. Create a life that she wants to hop aboard on. As you begin to go for things that naturally expand your sense of self, you will naturally exude the confidence, the fun, the inspiration, and the air of being someone who she would want to be with. With all the amazing things that you now remember already having done in your life, and with the confidence of knowing the amazing adventures that you can continue to create with her, you can now amplify the value you have even more by being playful with her. In almost any situation where there is attraction between a man and a woman, there is a dynamic tension that both people can feel. If you can be playful within that tension, then that ability speaks reams about your confidence, your ability to relax under pressure, your way of thinking and being in life, and the fact that you are exciting to be with. Remember to smile and be easy as you share your amazing stories with her. Most women are very sensitive, and she can pick up any nervousness and tension that you have which isn’t energy that she wants to be around, especially from a stranger. If you can bring more exuberance, more consciousness, more peace, more wisdom, more perspective, more experience, more life, more joy, more passion, and more fun to her, then 75
she'll have plenty of reasons to interact with you. We are all growth seeking beings who desire to embody ever greater aspects of ourselves. If you have qualities where you can help her grow, then she will be instinctually attracted and drawn to you.
Share Your Passions Along the same lines of sharing your amazing qualities is sharing your passion, inspiration, interests, and hobbies with her. What gets you naturally excited is a part of who you are, and sharing these aspects of you in a powerful way can continue to amplify the attraction that she already feels for you. Write down the top 3 things that you are passionate, inspired, or have an interest in. Take your answers and write one sentence about the highest vision and reason for what you love about it. Let’s take an example that may not initially be looked highly upon by women. Let’s say one of the things you absolutely love is playing video games. A mediocre sentence for your highest vision and reason would be, I like to play video games because it’s fun and I am not doing much with my life right now so it’s a good distraction and escape. A much better sentence would be, I love to play video games because I get to embody the fantastic characters in their dexterity, courage, strength, strategic thinking, creativity, and sense of adventure, which allows me to have a reference point to the extent that I can explore and live my life in this reality.
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Yes, really dig hard for the highest possible reason. Write it like you are designing a commercial that millions will see on TV and why they too should be playing video games, and how even your Grandmother should be playing. Why do this? You are creating a link link between something that you are naturally passionate about into something that can add value, excitement, learning, and fun to your life and to a woman. From this point, live into the highest reason that you have found and actually implement it into your your life. If you like combat games then go take a martial arts class and increase your strength and agility. If you like sports games, then go learn or improve your skills daily in that sport and at least spend a quarter of the time you play the video games in improving your actual game. If you like strategy games, then turn your life into the game and sit down and strategically plan out how you can manifest one of your dreams step by step on a 1 to 5 year basis. Your passion then gets to grow larger than what it was initially. Your natural passion becomes an extension of who you are in the world. When done correctly, video games can be sexy. For that matter, anything infused with the proper consciousness can be sexy. Do it. Formulate your sentence about your top three passions. Once you have done this we can transform your passion and interest into a way to approach and initiate conversation with the women you are interested in. Here is the formula:
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1. Name your passion 2. State your highest highest reason 3. Ask a question. Consider this a fourth way to add to the 3 others ways to initiate a conversation with women by asking her questions. You would be doing this in context to the situation. Continuing from the video game example, you would only mention video games if you are at The Game Stop or Blockbuster renting a game and she is also checking out the games. You can say, “You know, I love to play video games because being the fantastic characters inspire me add the qualities of courage, wit, and dexterity to my life. What do you like most about games?” Now formulate your own. Do it in a way that hooks the woman with an intriguing topic. Turn your passions, interests, or hobbies into question form that can include topics like sensuality, sexuality, spirituality, gossip, men/women dynamics, relationships, romance, art, technology, travel, sports, health, food, dancing, architecture, investment, computers, entertainment, music, art, comics, etc. Craft this into your customized opening line when you walk up to a woman. Once again, do this in context. If you are in a grocery store, talk about your love of food and ask her what she loves. If you are at a video store talk about your favorite movie and ask her what she kind of movies she likes. If you are at a club, talk about why you love dancing and what inspires her about it. Formulating your own opening line, just as you did in the questions section is going to come off much more powerfully because it is a genuine interest of yours. Using set lines can work, but nothing is as enticing as you being 78
yourself in the most polished, intriguing, and potent way possible. You will also be more congruent because you are actually interested in the things your like! Do this. Take your time in crafting your passions, interests, and hobbies into a way to approach women. It will be worth every second that you spend on it!
Be an Exciting Man Now that we have gone over body posture, eye contact, voice, conscious creation, questions, sharing your strengths, and sharing your passions, we will add to this palette of attractive qualities the fun, playfulness, and excitement that will be the icing on the cake. Women do want to be with dominant, alpha male, and bad boys because it can pull them out of their sometimes boring, mundane, or perhaps even harsh reality where they have tons of school assignment, have to take care of necessities of life, or have to work 9 to 5 in a job they do for the money to survive and not out of their love of it. When they are not within their daily grind and reality, they want someone fun, adventurous, and exciting to play with. She does not just want a warrior and someone who can protect and provide for her. With the foundational qualities in place, she really wants co--create tons of fun and pleasure with you. Learn to turn mundane situation into something that is extraordinary, adventurous, and fun even if only in perspective. If you can do this, you are well on your way to having incredible juicy interactions with her. If you 79
can make her laugh, and remember the delight that can be life, then she will definitely want to play more with you. Learn to use your imagination, creativity, and ability to exaggerate. If you are in a grocery store and you're in the cereal aisle, imagine what it would be like to eat 10 bowls of cereals while watching a movie, or mixing Fruit Loops, Coco Puffs, and Grapenuts in one bowl, or what it would be like to lay Cheerios over each other’s bodies and eat it off each other for Sunday Brunch, etc. Ask her if she has ever had Captain Crunch licked off her belly and if she would like to try. Use your creativity and imagination and put the two of you in situations that would be fun and exciting, exciting even if you are just talking about it. Be funny and creative in a way that takes both of out of the seemingly ordinary reality into the realm of magic that can be right around the corner. Even in a grocery store, you could race up and down the aisles, see what faces you can carve into an apple, have a fight with broomsticks, tickle each other with lettuce, and create fun games that you two can play. Women love to laugh and be entertained. So be an entertainer. Being with a woman, once again, is a science and an art. Appreciate her as a flowing, divine goddess and you get to have the opportunity of drawing out her most amazing, luscious, and juicy aspects while co-creating incredible adventures with her. Another aspect of creating fun and laughter is in combining seemingly unrelated elements together in an interesting combination. This includes putting people and circumstances together that are awkward, taboo, or 80
strange. An easy way to use this is to combine sensuality and sexuality with almost any object and circumstance. Since sexuality sexuality can still be a bit repressed and taboo in our society, combing it with “normal” objects, places, and circumstances will usually create great humor. This serves a secondary purpose of infusing delicious aspects of sensuality into your interactions. Don’t go overboard initially with overt sexual innuendos. Rather, focus on playful sensual aspects such as licking, touching, and kissing. For example, ask her if she has ever had strawberry juice licked off the back of her knees, what it would be like to be massaged with a fur coat, or if she has ever kissed while submerged in a pool before. Another part of creating scandalously gleeful experiences with her is to tease her. Tease her like she's already an old friend or your little sister. If she was your little sister, what would you say to her? Say those things without holding back. Be comfortable with her. Once again, one of the things that turn women off is if you put her on a pedestal, where you don't feel like you deserve her, or that you need to do something and pay for everything in order to earn her affection. Play with her like you deserve her. her Women want to be met and they want a playmate and a warrior who can protect and provide for her. So be both. If she doesn’t like to be dirty, pretend to wipe some sauce on her clothes. If she is ticklish, tickle her. If she takes an hour to get ready, next time have her give you a massage for every minute she makes you wait. Tease, don’t criticize, use her idiosyncrasies to create even more fun and play between you. Being an exciting man also means that you can be spontaneous. spontaneous Recently, me and my lover was at a resort that had an amazing pool with a huge 81
sun bathing area that had sand imported from the beach. It was late at night and we both got buck naked and swam, played, and danced with each other in the pool. This created the basis for an extra juicy night of love making. Why be spontaneous and create excitement? Because women are emotional creatures. If you can stimulate her emotions, whether it's on a good or a bad level, she will become excited, and excitement allows her juices, literally, to flow. This is why women love soap opera and drama. On some level, the up and downs and unexpected situations make her feel alive, it makes her go through the range of her emotions. Surprise her in ways that delight her. Be flexible and have the objective be creating the most fun possible with her which might mean letting go of dogma, set plans, and preconceived notions and rules. Have your woman associate amazing emotions with you. Tell and elicit stories from her that are fun and exciting. Practice ways where you can elicit positive emotions out of your friends and family. Learn how to lead women out of emotional lows into peace, then laughter, then joy. Become comfortable with the range of your own emotions, emotions so that when you are with a woman who you truly enjoy, you get to serve her with your emotional mastery. Women will be able to sense this ability in you as you talk to them. A rare man who is in touch with his emotions and can share this delicious aspect with a woman is much harder to find than a beautiful woman, and women will become super attracted to you for this level of emotional mastery. Learn some skills that naturally contain elements of surprise, fun, and excitement. Go to a magic shop and have them show you great street 82
magic and buy the ones that you are the most impressed with. Go up to women and tell them that you are just getting into magic and if they would like to see a trick. Almost everyone loves to be jolted out of the mundane into the fantastic and magical realms. Learn how to make some simple balloon animals. Learn how to do origami out of paper bills. Stop women and show them tricks as a way to break the ice. Part of being an exciting man is to be someone who can lead and teach her on some level physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. Thumb wrestle her and win. Get a hold a few mildly challenging mind bender games and see if she can solve them. Lead her in games where you are slightly better. This doesn’t mean to avoid all things that she is good at or to pick women who are weak, klutzy, and dumb. You are just demonstrating initially that you are a strong, powerful, intelligent, and stimulating person to be with. Be original, be fun, be spontaneous, be exciting, and women will adore you for it.
The Art of Appreciation With the foundation of being a powerful, solid, and grounded man, the ability to appreciate and enjoy your woman woman is huge in amplifying her attraction to you. The ability to appreciate allows you “have” a lot without necessarily “having” a lot. A man who has a million dollar house without appreciating it might be focused on the large mortgage and that becomes the experience he is having. Conversely, a “poor” man who lives in a village and fishes, hangs out with his friends, and has fun with his children while loving his simple life is having the experience of joy and laughter.
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The ability to appreciate can be translated in taking your time to magnify what you love about your woman. Every woman has her great points and her faults. It is through appreciation that you get to draw out the amazing aspects of her. By developing the habit of appreciation, you can turn a mundane experience into a rich experience. One simple way to begin developing this natural ability is to learn to appreciate food. You probably love food already, so this is an easy way for most people to hone this skill of appreciation which you will later transfer to your woman. Learn to slow down and savor your food. This will come in handy as you dine with your woman because most women read into everything, so you can turn her on just by the way you savor your food. I have emphasized slow, slow, grounded, and deliberate movement as attractive qualities whether in your body posture, in your mannerism, or in the way you walk. Learn to slow down because if you are hurried it hints at the fact that you are scrambling and do not have your stuff together. Appreciate food. Slow down as you eat and really allow yourself to enjoy the texture, the aroma, and the flavor that the food brings you. Many women equate how you experience food and how you move your body with how good you are in bed. So enjoy enjoy your food for the sake of being better in bed. Show her you sensitivity through how you take in the nuances in your food. Take your time to chew. Take your time and notice what you appreciate about a food. This is a practice and a skill that can be cultivated. Just as you learned to play sports, sensitivity to body sensations is a cultivated
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science and art, and if you are to become a complete lover then appreciation starting with food becomes an essential skill to grow. From food, expand your appreciation appreciation to include everything around you including your living space, your job, the sky, your car, your friends, your family, your skills, your entertainment center, you cell phone, trees, the internet, music, movies, etc. and take 1 minute daily to look for what is great in your life. life. Then use this skill to look for things to appreciate in your woman. Ask yourself what you like about your woman physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually? Get specific. What features on her face do you love the most? What about her personality is incredibly sexy? How is she intelligent in subtle ways? The ability to appreciate her can be used to draw out and expand the most incredible qualities in your woman and turn you into a pillar of amazing reflection for her. Practice this art as often as you can. This skill will be useful for all the stages and phases of the relationship dance and can be the glue that bonds you and your woman together. We will visit the art of appreciation often throughout the book. For now take time to look for what is incredible about your life and your woman and expand the beauty that is already there as much as possible.
Social Proof You have now been well prepared to walk up to women, convey incredible value, and create magnetic attraction. Now I am going to help you polish your social skills to help you convey even more value when you are talking 85
to a woman. As you practice being and exuding the most brilliant aspect of yourself, you want to stack the odds in your favor. One way to do this in the beginning is to go to places that you are familiar with, or even better, where you know people. Why is this? Because there is a natural confidence that comes when a place is familiar to you and the people know you and like you. You can naturally be more relaxed and have the feel of the cool guy there. If you know people who you can introduce your woman to, then you are already elevating your social status in introducing her to new arenas, to new possibilities, and demonstrating demonstrating that you are the social hub. Even if only the cashier knows you by name at a coffee shop, it elevates your status because it shows that you are social enough to create rapport with people and for them to remember you. If you have gone to any stores, cafes, and restaurants for awhile, and they still do not know you by name, take the time to introduce yourself, practice your skills of asking them questions to know them better and become friends with the people who serve you. This is an extension of being an exciting man. An exciting man is social and meets people and connects with them everywhere he goes. He is outgoing, friendly, makes friends easily, exciting, and entertaining. Grow the quality of being social in yourself. Anytime someone has a name tag on their shirt, call them by name. People like to be acknowledged and feel special rather than being just a cog in the wheel. Find out what they like and dislike about their job, find out something special about them. Expand their great qualities. You can brighten people’s days just by doing this, and the same skill will be used to draw out the most fun, unique, and exciting aspects of your woman. 86
There is a fine line in going to familiar places in the beginning to boost your confidence versus relying on familiar places. Use this as a confidence developer in approaching women, then expand out where you can have this same feeling, being, and relaxed confidence wherever you go. This is especially important because the women who you are attracted to might not always be hanging around your old stomping grounds. Practice being social and expand your sphere of comfort. Your social circles will grow. You will introduce people to each other and become a social hub. Everyone loves meeting new, exciting, and interesting people. This is true especially for women who are normally social creatures. Many women will become extremely attracted to you just from the fact that you are a social hub who gets her to meet new and interesting people. In furthering your skill in this arena, meet new groups of people wherever you go. In fact, meet two new groups of people and introduce them to each other. This is a skill worthy of practice. People are usually shy about meeting people outside of their group, and you are serving to expand their social circles just by merging two groups who previously wouldn’t have met each other. Practice being the social hub. It is a quality that will add to your attractive traits and will make it easier to meet and attract women. When you meet new people and groups of people everywhere, you are bound to find women you are attracted to. At this point, introduce her to new groups you just met. This way you can create social proof anywhere you go. If you see a woman you are interested in, first go up to a group she is not in and be social. Then, approach the group that she is in and be social while not giving her any special attention. Then, introduce the two groups together. 87
If her group doesn’t like you, you have no chance with her. Her relationship with her social group is much more important than a stranger. After you have mingled a bit, ask her some questions about herself, it will seem normal since you have been social with everyone else to be curious about her as well. This is the art of developing social decorum and of creating progressive comfort that is smooth rather than jolting. If you are at a bar, get something to drink and clink glasses with everyone in the bar to celebrate. Celebrate what? Celebrate the fact that you have the balls to celebrate for no good reason. Everybody loves a celebration and a fun, social, and outgoing person. Go for a second round of clinking glasses with everyone and this time introduce yourself and meet people. Now introduce people who you just met to other people you have just met. Go a step further and take a woman who you just met and introduce her to all the people who you just met and create social proof, have fun, flirt, and begin a great conversation with her. If you create a good enough conversation and convey enough value through everything we have talked about, she will feel incredible attraction towards you. Her friends might often try to “protect” her by pulling her away, which is what they are suppose suppose to do to show care, but if she is interested enough in you she won’t budge. I have had this happen several times where we were having such great conversation and connection that her friends left or her friends would be actually pulling on her arm to go, and her eyes were locked onto mine and wouldn’t budge. This is the level of attraction that you want to create. Practice this art by being social with people everywhere you go. You will grow to become a social hub which will elevate your status in women’s 88
eyes. People and women then look to you to connect them to each other and you will slowly grow into a leader in social interactions which is extremely extremely desirable to women. The underlying reasons for why social proof can generate a lot of instantaneous attraction is the fact that if lots of people find you to be likeable, then there are probably good reasons for women to like you. If sexy and amazing women who are usually picky about who they hang out with are being social with you, then there must be something really special about you. Being social has a snowball effect, and as you grow yourself into a true gift of a man, you will become a social hub for amazing people. Being social will grow to be a part of who you are, and meeting incredible women will be easy for you.
Action Steps for Conveying Value You have been given many of exercises in this phase to prepare yourself fully. If you haven’t done them yet, then take the time to do them now. Go back through all the writing assignments and visualization exercise to gain the maximum benefit out of presenting and growing into your most marvelous self. If you think “I’ll do it later”, then at least go back and do just 1 exercise right now. Later usually means never. Once again, this book isis only as valuable as the time you put in practicing and implementing the principles. Having a lot of great new perspective is not going to get you the women you want. Taking action actio is. If you didn’t read the book and just did all the exercises and took all the action steps in each phase, you will be far ahead of someone who just read the book without taking any action. 89
Start now to commit to growing into a man who women are naturally attracted to. That man is a man of action, a man who is willing to do whatever it takes to achieve what he desires. Be that man. Once you have done all the internal preparation and exercises, you are ready to further accelerate your learning by going up to real women in the real world. You have already been given the assignment of making eye contact with 20 women a day, saying hello to 10 of them, and engaging 3 of them in conversation for 5 days a week. Now for the conveying value phase, you are going to add on approaching approaching 2 new groups of people each of the 5 days days that you are doing the previous exercises and start a conversation. This is important because most of the time, the woman you will end up feeling really attracted to will be in a group of people rather than being alone. alone. Women are social creatures and it is more likely that a high caliber woman will have many friends and a large social circle so it is key to be comfortable talking with her group and then with her. Initially, as you walk up to a group, you can just make up a question. If you don’t have anything, I hereby give you the “official” assignment of surveying people with thought provoking questions questions like, “Do you think women prefer guys with lots of money and are ok in bed or with not much money but are incredible in bed?”, or “Would you have a child and raise him or her from a man who pays you $100,000, or how much would you do it for?”, or “What do you think is more romantic for a date, a candlelit dinner, a walk on the beach, a massage, or a chocolate extravaganza?”
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You can frame these questions by saying that you are in the process of learning about the essence of how women think and what fulfills women and would love to get actual opinions to help you in the process. Ask these questions to men as well just to get their perspective. Since this is an “official” assignment, go wild with it, ask as many people and women as you can, and at the very least approach 2 new groups a day for 5 days this week. Just commit to doing it, make it happen, happen, and have fun. Once again, you will be making eye contact with 20 women a day, saying “hello” to 10 of them, having a conversation with 3 of them, and talking to 2 new groups of people for 5 days this week. With the women you are engaging in conversations, use the exercises in this phase to ask them powerful questions, intrigue them, and convey incredible value through stories. Use all the tools you have learned to talk with them for as long as you can. Have fun with it. Write this assignment down. Put it on your calendar calendar and do it.it. The actions you take are what really count if you are serious about improving your skills with meeting and attracting women. Practice makes perfect, and you will soon get to enjoy the amazing improvements in how women interact with you.
Stage I Phase III Dynamic Tension Tension The classic ideal between a man and a woman is to mutually fall head over heels in love with each other! One of the most painful scenarios is to have one side much more in love with the other. Even in the brief initial meeting, you can set the ground work for creating the tension and attraction that comes from a dance that allows for progressive building of 91
attraction by giving each other the space and opportunity to choose to come toward each other. What happens when only one person chases? The other person usually runs away. In this section you will learn how to consciously dial up and draw out any feelings of attraction that your woman feels for you, how to allow her to come towards you as you move toward her so that you can create a tiering effect of your attractions toward each other. When only one person, usually the man, is “chasing” after the other, he sets up the dynamic that she has a greater value while he is trying to “win her over” at all cost. This implies that he has a lesser value and needs to “prove himself”. Although this might be flattering in the beginning, over time if the woman is always the one with the higher value she will simply leave and find another guy who is of greater value. The interesting thing is that there is no “inherent” value to anyone. You can have incredible value or little value depending on how you frame the interactions between two people. Many times during dating, relationship, or marriage the sexual tension will go flaccid because it is a one way dynamic and the man is no longer infusing the same passion as he did initially. If the relationship was set up in the beginning where both people were fervent toward each other, then even if one person isn’t stoking the fire in the moment, the other person can be infusing energy into the relationship and vice versa. The ideal model for the dynamic tension phase is to have both the man and the woman consciously infused dynamic tension tension into the relationship. How would you like it if you adore your woman so much that you are always inspired to take her out having fun, romantic, and sensuous 92
adventurous with her while your sexy, intelligent, and nurturing woman is so passionate about you that she loves going down on you every chance she has even while you are driving and worships you as a God amongst men? This incredible sensual and sexual tension becomes possible when the woman feels the same passion towards towards you as you toward her. This dynamic can be consciously set up during the dynamic tension phase of the relationship dance and revitalized during any relationship regardless of how long it lasts. Some men make the mistake of “holding back” rather than “consciously creating tension” with the concept of equal passion. If you think about a water hose, holding back and not giving your all would be like turning the water down until there is only a trickle. On the other extreme, some men will have no control of their passion and get the water where it isn’t suppose to go, or drown out the plants they are suppose to nurture. What you want to do is to consciously creating tension where you turn the water all the way up while having a multi-setting nozzle where you can easily switch from mist, to spray, to high pressure blast and be able to direct the water water of dynamic tension and attraction precisely. In giving your all in playing with your woman while challenging her to show up as someone worthy of being your playmate, you are going to drive her attraction for you right through the roof.
Consciously Creating Dynamic Tension How do you masterfully create dynamic tension with your woman? One of the most core components in creating dynamic tension is to allow the woman to come toward you in demonstrating her attraction for you. If 93
you have created the proper amount of enticing appeal during the initial contact and conveying value phases, then allowing the woman to now “chase you” a bit will turn the attraction way up because you now have two people simultaneously stoking the fires of passion. The dynamic tension phase follows the principle that we usually value things that we have to work a bit harder for. We value being chosen after a stringent selection process where we feel “special”. For example, not everyone can get into Harvard University. By being accepted into Harvard, you would have to pass through a series of rigorous selection processes, and once you are accepted, you feel like you have just been given an incredible stamp of approval and few people ask, “should I pay this much money to go to this school?” This is the same mentality that you want to create with a woman who you are attracted to. When navigated properly, the question that comes up for her isn’t “should I continue to interact with this guy?” It becomes, “He’s such an incredible incredible catch, what can I do to make sure that I am with him?” him?” Once you have created enough value and reasons for her to choose being with you, knowing exactly what qualities you desire in a woman would allow you to qualify her and genuinely compliment her when she exhibits these qualities. The dynamic tension gets created when she feels like you are such an incredible man who knows what he wants that she wants to prove herself herself to be worthy of being with you. This is why in the initial contact and conveying value phase you want to steer away from bragging or overly seeking her approval rather than just knowing and conveying your high value. This allows the space for her to demonstrate her incredible
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attraction for you and start “chasing” you in this phase of dynamic tension. Once this dynamic tension is created, you can then choose her more and more fully to stoke the ambers of desire into a conflagration of passion for each other. Not only will she feel more attraction towards you from having you choose choose her more fervently AFTER she exhibits the qualities you were looking for beyond her initial beauty, beauty she will feel justified in choosing you more fully because you are a high quality man with clear standards who appreciates the subtle qualities that she has developed.
Grow into a Man Women Fight Over When you develop yourself into a man who can be a true gift to almost any woman, then having a clear selection process is important in having women worthy of playing with you complete the attraction circle by meeting your criteria for the qualities you desire. Keep in mind throughout that you are not holding back and turning the water into a trickle, you are consciously creating tension to spice up how you relate to each other. The more you you feel attracted attracted to a woman, woman, the more you are likely to “smother” “smother” her with your attraction if you are not consciously creating dynamic tension. tension. There can be a tendency to keep on generating more and more attraction by continuing to “prove” yourself to her. This is where the attraction begins to decrease because now you are overextending yourself and sub-communicating that you are lacking confidence, unsure of yourself, and uncertain of your worth in being with her. If in these moments you can take a deep breath, create conscious 95
tension and allow yourself to lean back and have her come towards you, the resulting tension and attraction will be explosive. One of the mind sets to take on especially when you feel extremely attracted to someone is one of knowing that you are a gift to this woman. Know that she would be every bit as lucky to have you as you would be to have her, and that if for some reason the relating does not work out, you can always attract another woman equally as beautiful, brilliant, joyful, graciou gracious, ious, and caring. If you have the blinders for women women who you falsely project perfection upon that they can never live up to, to, then they won’t won’t want to set set themselves up for the fall. The key is to let yourself feel the attraction fully, then consciously increase the tension and allowing her to come towards you. Note that if you just suppress or push down the attraction, then that decreases the tension and the attraction becomes distorted. If you feel the need to grasp and be needy, consciously take a deep breath and remember the amazing man that you are. Within this phase you are increasing your ability to handle incredible amounts of emotions emotions and energy in your body. Practice as you gradually increase your capacity to be able to feel more and more in your body and be able to control and funnel that energy with grace and ease. Since women love reading into things, how you handle anything is how you handle everything. It’s a rare man who can stay cool, grounded, and solid as a rock under the most rigorous, challenging, and demanding situations, and be incredibly passionate and devour his woman with love when that is called for.
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You are becoming a man who is powerful in his presence, presence, sensitive in his touch, touch, and comfortable in his body. You are a man who knows that he can handle any and all of the range of emotions that a woman can throw at him and have it dissolve like a rock being thrown into the ocean. You are that vast. In the same breath, you are in touch with your emotional power and can express the greatest joy and love in adoring and appreciating your woman. Before we move on, I want to give you a reference point of the four major categories that most men fit into in terms of energy/emotions and the ability to funnel these energies: 1. Lots of energy/emotions with no control - jock, jerk, wife beater 2. Little energy/emotions with lots of control - nerd, stiff, conservative, nice guy 3. Little energy/emotions with little control – depressed, depressed, immature, ungrounded, boy 4. Lots of energy/emotions with lots of control - Renaissance man, man, Don Juan, the complete lover Having practiced increasing your energy and directing it, knowing that you can give her the gift of your incredible masculinity, being able to celebrate her range of emotions, and ravish her with your adoration, you can then “test” her to see whether she is “qualified” to be with you.
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Yes, you are going to see if this incredibly desirable woman qualifies to be with you. What does that say about you, how would you hold yourself, and how would you speak to someone if incredible women have to qualify themselves to be with you? Again, think about Harvard. People fight to qualify themselves to PAY THEM well almost $40,000 a year. What if you can have incredible women fight over who gets gets to even go on on a date with you? This is the feeling that you want to be creating around you. This is the energy you intend to create in the dynamic tension phase. Allowing her to come to you after creating the foundation for attraction, value, and intrigue communicates the fact that you adore her but you don’t need her. You choose to give her your all because of who you are and not to gain her approval. approval. Women love that! A really desirable woman does not want a needy and clingy man. She does not want to be a man’s entire world. She wants a man who can add to her life, who has direction, and who can show her things beyond her present perspectives. Yes, in the beginning there might be a gap between where you are and where you desire to be. It is in the closing of this gap step by step in growing yourself as a man and in expanding the gifts that you can bring to any woman that the full integration of this phase occurs. Just by reading this book, you are beginning to take the steps necessary in becoming the man who can attract the quality of woman who you deserve. By doing the exercises and action steps you are slowly becoming the man who is naturally attractive to women. You will naturally develop the skills to smoothly create dynamic tension with women and amplify the attraction and pleasure between you.
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Define What You Want in Women Women One of the really important steps in the successful navigation of the dynamic tension phase is knowing what you want in a woman. woman. This way you won't just settle for any woman, or settle for a woman just because you're desperate for sex. You can genuinely approve and choose a woman who can have the privilege of your company. Once you have your criteria, be clear and decide whether or not you want to interact with a woman depending on her qualities. When you are this clear, you will naturally come across as being selective. Once you've developed the qualities of being an amazing man, being selective about women who deserve to have your level of consciousness, presence, connectedness, and love would only be natural. Write down what you love in women. women. Be as specific as you can. Get clear about what would really fulfill you in a woman. Yes, looks can be really important to you, so write down all the physical qualities that you find absolutely irresistible along with the personality, interests, and qualities that would make up a woman who you can be absolutely crazy about. When the right woman comes along and she is genuinely “qualified” and meets the criteria that you desire, the attraction will be amplified even more because she will be justified in being chosen for the deeper beauty of her essence, her personality, and her qualities as well as her physical beauty. Write down and get clear about what would would make you ecstatic to have in a woman. woman. Write down the personalities that are truly attractive and necessary for you, traits that will make your soul soar and your heart sing, and qualities that would make you truly happy. Sure, some of these 99
qualities can include her breast shape and size, but don’t stop there. Dig deeper, deeper do you want a woman who is caring, nurturing, reflexively kind, really thinks about your needs, creative, intelligent, flowing, a great dancer, loves sex, artistic, or quirky? Take a piece of paper and write out qualities that you want in women under these major categories: 1. Looks and physical characteristics 2. Personality and ways of being 3. Hobbies, interests, and career 4. Talents and type of intelligence 5. Food, living, living, and sexual preferences preferences 6. Friends and family attributes 7. Core beliefs, spirituality, and religion Take the time to do this exercise. Read these qualities once in the morning and once at night for at least 5 days this week. This exercise is very important. Take the time to to do it. Take out a piece of paper or your journal and do it now. There is no time like the present. If you have never considered some of the qualities that you want in a woman, then you’ll settle for anything. Women will smell this quality about you and you won’t get the time of day with high quality women who are selective about the men they choose. Do this exercise. Be the man who takes the necessary actions to get what he wants. No excuses just do it. 100
Have you done it yet, or are you just moving on? At the very least write down the answer to one of the categories of what you want in a woman. Alright, I will assume that you have taken some form of action. By completing the cycle of attraction in creating dynamic tension and getting clear about what characteristics fulfill you, women will feel that you are attracted to her looks along with something deeper. Once you know what you want, you have the opportunity to validate her and reward her for exhibiting traits that you genuinely love and she will feel legitimate in being with you. When she feels like there are good reasons that you choose to be with her then she can also choose to be with you more fully. If a woman thinks that you just want to sleep with her for her looks, not only will she feel cheapened, she will usually not allow you to go any further with her. Be clear about what you desire in a woman in terms of her personality, characteristics, and attributes so that as she can show up with these qualities. If you continue to amplify her attraction toward you without you showing genuine qualified attraction for her, it will make her attraction too one sided. Just out of protection, she might have to turn off. So hone the fine art of creating dynamic tension with her in playing playing full on and building sizzling attraction for each other. You are developing yourself as a complete lover, as a truly desirable male, as a rare jewel of a man who has the qualities not only to be alpha, dominant, and in control, but who also has the sensitivity to appreciate the subtle qualities in women. Take the time to just sit back and check her out and make sure that you validate her for the places where you find her amazing, attractive, and juicy. Make sure that you convey to her “why” 101
you are attracted to her and letting her know specific reasons you choose to be with her. When done properly, she will feel seen for her deeper core and cherish you for being the precious man who understands and appreciate her for the profound qualities that few few others notice.
Creating Dynamic Tension with Finesse Now that you have written down a specific list of qualities that you desire in a woman, one of first ways to see whether the woman you are with have these qualities is to ask her questions to get a glimpse at her consciousness, and the way she responds to your questions. Ask her questions where she has to show you some depth of her thinking and experience. experience. For example: What dreams and aspirations do you have? If you won the lottery and you can’t donate the money, what would you create for the world? What are your favorite hobbies and what inspires you about them? What do your friends love about you? What would you say is the best part of your personality? What is something amazing about you that only people close to you know?
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Do you think you chose your parents before you were born? If you had all the time and money in the world what would you learn? If you could have one superpower what would it be? If she gives a lame answer then ask “is that it?” with a sly smile that challenges her. This will create tension and her innate mechanism of wanting to prove herself will kick in. If she is qualifying herself to you, then she is demonstrating attraction to you, because if she doesn’t like you why would she need to prove herself to you? If she gives you an answer that shows some substance, then compliment her on her insight, depth, and thoughtfulness. If you are intrigued, fascinated, or impressed with her, let her know in no uncertain terms. The fact that you even notice these qualities about her will have her feel qualified to be with you and for there to be genuine reasons for why you are attracted to her. It is important for you to be clear and specific about what you desire in a woman so that when she exhibits the qualities that you love, you have legitimate reasons to validate her for having lived up to what you expect from a woman worthy of your caliber. When you review the list of qualities that you want in a woman day and night, it will be easy for you to be exited when she shows you some of these qualities. Tell her that you wrote out a list of what you want in a woman and that she meets so many of the criteria you love and she will feel authentically validated for the person that she has developed into which will amplify the attraction between you manifold.
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Another great way to “qualify” women is to state what you love in a woman and ask her for examples of how she embodies this quality. This is bold and has to be done with some finesse. An example would be, “I love women who are adventurous and willing to take risks so that we can create exciting experiences together, and you seem like you might be one of these women, so tell me about the most incredible adventure that you have had.” If there are signs of resistance, then you probably haven’t created enough attraction or conveyed enough value and you need to go back to work on the first two phases of the attraction stage. If she plays along, then she is beginning to qualify herself to you and you are cocreating some delicious dynamic tension. You can also “qualify” your woman by challenging her to be, do, say, or solve something. Unlike the previous phase where you might want to beat her at thumb wrestling or stomp her with a mind bender to convey your value, in this phase, you want her to rise up to the challenge so that you can praise and admire her. Remember, she doesn’t qualify if she “fails” your challenges. The point here isn’t to prove that you are superior, the point here is to amplify her attraction toward you by having her succeed in qualifying herself and have specific reasons why you choose to be with her. Any great qualities that she has, she probably had to cultivate over time within herself. There is nothing more rewarding than to be seen for what we have consciously worked for. When she feels like you see her deeply, she will feel a bond with you which will have her open up to you even more. Be ready and watch the sparks fly. Women love to know know that they are beautiful so tell her she is stunning and gorgeous whenever you can. Women also want to feel like a guy likes 104
them for who they are not based on just looks. By having her qualify herself, giving her small challenges, and telling her the details and subtleties of thing you like about her, you communicate that you like her for much more than just her looks. You also sub-communicate that you have been taking careful notes, “testing” her, and that on some level you are doing the qualifying and she is pursuing. This creates all the right dynamics in completing the circle of attraction. Creating dynamic tension with women properly will blow their minds because they are so used to having men prostrate themselves and do anything for their attention. When they begin to qualify themselves to you, first they rationalize that they must really like you, otherwise, why would they bother? Secondly, you stand out from all the other men as someone who can finally meet her equally and who she can be proud to be with.
Action Steps for Qualifying Women If you are doing the assignments as I have outlined, then you are making eye contact with 20 women, saying “hello” to 10 of them, and starting conversations with 3 of them as well as talking to 2 new groups of people for 5 days this week. For the women who you engage in conversation, demonstrate your humor, skills, insight, gifts, and value and implement all the conversations skills that I have gone over including asking her powerful questions and directing the level of the conversation. When you have built up the level of attraction and she is really intrigued by you, create as much dynamic tension as you can by asking her questions that would take a deeper 105
thought process to answer, challenge her slightly, and complimenting her when she exhibits incredible qualities that you love. If you encounter women who you are genuinely attracted to, and she has demonstrated some of the qualities that you desire, ask for her number or take her to a café where you can sit and connect further. You have successfully navigated through the first level of the attraction stage and it is now time to take action to move your attraction into the stage of connection. If you have paved the way and have created the proper level of attraction with her, then getting her number is easy. Just say, “Wow, you really intrigue me, and I would love to hang out with you more, “what’s you number?” You could say “can I have your number?” but it would be asking for her “permission” and slightly weakens the sexual tension. You claim what you want, and she can feel free to say yes or no. Yes, asking for her number can be as simple as getting up the courage to just ask for it. If you are having conversations with 3 women a day for 5 days this week, then out of 15 women, you will probably find at least 1-1-3 of them attractive. Hang out with them. Get their number. Just do it. Practice the words “what’s you number?” in the mirror 50 times before you go out if necessary. Have it become automatic that every time you see a woman who you are genuinely attracted to, you walk up to her, have a conversation, and get her number. Commit to doing this and just do it. Practice makes perfect. After a couple weeks of this, you will feel like a pro and be getting dates as easily as riding a bike after you learned how.
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Commit to asking for 11-3 numbers this week. Write this down on your calendar. Notice I said ask for, not necessarily get their numbers. Have asking be the exercise, and don’t worry about the result. With time and improving skill, you will be getting their numbers 90% of the times you ask. For now, focus on the practice of creating as much attraction and dynamic tension as possible and the numbers will come naturally. Commit to doing this. Follow through with your commitment. Do it even if every cell in your body is against the idea. Get comfortable with the idea of rejection. Do it because moving past your fears is one of the best ways to grow as an amazing man. Practice makes perfect. Go get’em!
Stage II Connection The connection stage is the longest cycle in the relationship dance. This stage is where you are building the foundation for how you relate with your woman. For a new woman, the initial level of the attraction stage averages about 15 minutes to successfully navigate. Raw, primal attraction is fast, passionate, passionate, and instinctual. The attraction stage gives you both an idea of whether there is even anything that is so compelling that you have to explore with each other. The connection stage is the filling in of the details that resulted from that initial attraction. If this is a woman you are seeing for the first time, then on average over the next 7 hours which might span 2 or 3 dates the two of you will decide to either take it to the next sensual or sexual level or to part as friends.
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Remember, the attraction, connection, and communion stages are circular. This means that once you have “completed” one round, you start at amplifying attraction again, then take the connection even deeper, and have the sexual exploration and communion be even more explosive, ecstatic, and pleasurable. It is a circle that spirals upward in bringing you and your woman the most mind blowing experiences with each other. You are never “done” with a stage, only transitioning through it so that the next time you come back to it, you bring even more of your insight, knowledge, wisdom, mastery, and depth to it. I will go over the connection stage as if it is your first date and give you all the foundations necessary to successfully navigate through this stage. If you are already in a relationship, read even more closely to see what aspects of the connection stage foundations you have not yet built into your relationship. relationship. These are the pillars that will have your relationship continue to grow, blossom, and draw out amazing qualities from your woman that you never knew were there. The depth that you create in the connection stage is inextricably linked to the amount amount of sensual, sexual, and orgasmic potential in your woman. It constitutes at least 75% to how wild, how passionate, how sassy, and how mind blowing her sensual and sexual experience is with you. If the foundation you create is small, it is almost impossible to build a big house on it. By having a huge, solid, and stable foundation you can create your mansion of rapturous pleasure. In the connection stage you will have lots of time to get to know her. So chill out, feel each other out, find the common ground that you are building with one another, and deepen with each other. Once again, if you
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do not take the time to build comfort, deepen connection, and create profound intimacy, then you are likely to just become friends. While leading her into deeper levels of sensual exploration, if you are going too fast and aggressive or too slow and timid, then you are not skillfully navigating the phases of the connection stage of building comfort, deepening connection, and profound intimacy. I will be giving you fine distinctions all along the way to help you become confident in leading her at the pace and depth that she is comfortable with. As you go through the phases of the connection stage you begin to further develop your skills in the fine art of conversations. conversations. This includes being a great story teller, being able to infuse humor into your conversations, and using your imagination to create new realms together with your woman. You will also learn how to ask powerful questions that delve into the depth of you and your woman’s aspirations, inspirations, passions, hopes, dreams, and visions as well as her fears, hurts, and shadows. You will be learning and practicing the art of touch which is probably one of the most important skills to acquire in gauging the level of comfort in your woman, in adoring her in ways that most women hunger for, and in leading her progressive in sensual and sexual pleasure. The successful navigation of the phases of the connection stage will have you create a deep bond with your woman that will be the foundation for your sensual and sexual explorations in the communion stage. This stage can feel like a stretch for many men in the skills that you will be developing including being vulnerable and walking the path as a warrior of the heart. This is also the most important stage to develop if you want 109
to grow yourself as an amazing lover and tap into the pleasure potential of your woman. If you want to to give your woman the most mindmind-blowing multiple orgasms later, this is the stage you have to master. Some of you might still be hesitant to fully delve into this stage because it might seem foreign or uncomfortable for you. To make some sports analogy, the connection stage would be like dribbling and passing in basketball. You cannot just shoot the ball and have a great team. You cannot only go for touchdowns in football and win without developing a solid running and short passing game. You cannot win in tennis just counting on Aces on your serves all the time without developing a precise forehand and backhand stroke. You cannot have a good golf game using only the putter without mastering the other clubs. The connection stage is as essential in drawing out the most exquisite pleasure out of your woman as dribbling in basketball, basketball, running in football, backhand in tennis, and driving in golf. Take as much time as necessary in practicing and playing within this stage because connection is the cog in the wheel of your growing ability as a lover.
Stage II Phase I Building Comfort Comfort We like people who are like ourselves. When we feel like there is a common link tying us together, we feel closer, more together, and more connected. As soon as you put people on a team where they have a common goal to work toward many differences fall away. There is nothing like having something that two people are both really excited by and generating energy together toward a common end. The 110
foundation that you build in finding commonality will be the pillars through which deep connection, intimacy, and extremely pleasurable sensual and sexual connections are based upon. A great place to start in building comfort with each other is to find out shared interests such as movies, sports, dancing, music, art, etc. When you find a common interest like this, begin to ask deeper questions so that you can build a more core foundation upon these commonalities. Take the example of movies. You can talk about the actor, genre, messages, style, theater, experiences, realizations, and what movies and topic you would direct, etc. By flushing out these nuances of what you love you will find out the finer points of each other’s minds and consciousness, and be able to co--create amazing worlds together. Go into as much details as you can about the things things you love and why you love them and ask her to do the same. Share stories that illustrate why you love what you love and how these experiences make up who you are today. If you want to find commonality in seemingly different interests, ask her why she is passionate about that interest and what she feels and experiences by participating in what interests her. These questions will begin to allow you to find common feelings that tie seemingly unrelated interests like rock climbing and salsa dancing together and build upon the feelings that exhilarate the two of you. There is a dichotomy where both finding commonality as well as having varying interests can bring two people closer together and create dynamic range in a relationship. Some of you may ask, what’s more true, “opposites attract” or “we are meant to be because we have so much in common”. 111
In this lovely world of paradox that we live in I will give you a deeper insight into the truth behind both of these statements as you build comfort with each other. Leonardo Divinci said, “The key to genius is being able to hold two opposite thoughts within within one single thought. thought.” The way to fully apply this statement is to find, realize, or create the thought that is large enough to contain the seemingly opposites thoughts. An example would be the fact that orange and blue are complimentary opposites, and they are both “colors” which would be the category that unites and contains both. Another example might be male vs. females where both are “people”. Now I will give you some examples of some possible thoughts that can contain both “opposites attract” and “we have so much in common”. An example of opposites attract might be a muscular athletic jock and a petite feminine woman. Yes, their body shapes are very different, yet what they share in common is that their bodies are the epitome of what would be stereotypically desirable in their gender. By seeing the link between the seeming opposites, we create a bridge between “opposites attract” and have it easily cross over into commonality. The spice generated from the differences than gets to be used to form a shared foundation. To give another example, one person might be an Olympic Gold medalist, and the other might be a CEO of a large company. These people with seemingly opposite skills, talents, and careers are both people who are at the “top of their field”. In order to reach the top of one’s field they probably share the similar personalities of persistence, perseverance, determination, willpower, vision, etc. By finding the commonality within any differences, any friction and energy from the differences can be used to create a vibrant dynamic energy that is then channeled into building a
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foundation together where the two people can support, share, share, and build with one another. The more seemingly opposite two people are, the more knowledge they have to exchange with each other, the more there is to learn from each other, and the more energy or attraction can be generated. It can be likened to a battery. A full charged battery has the positive and negative ions at opposite ends. It’s the process of the positive ions flowing toward the negative that energy is generated. These opposite ions are only potential energy. Only when the bridge is buil built and the energy is allowed to flow does their potential become useful energy. Just like the batteries, the more opposite people are, the more possible attraction they can have because of the huge gap that can be bridged. When the gaps are not properly bridged, it can generate a lot of friction or arguments. However,, if both people are skilled at finding commonality or in bridging their seeming opposites opposites, then this can be like the different poles of the battery working as one unit, and incredible juice, passion, and pleasure can be generated. It can be easy to find similarities or differences. It is simply the filter that we use to look at something. The key then is to develop the skill and art of doing both. Use the differences to charge up the attraction and create dynamic passion while using the commonality to build the foundation of trust, ease, flow, and a common goal to funnel all that energy toward. This is an art and a science. As you create and building intense energies of attraction while while creating channels and bridges for them to flow, flow, you will become deeply bonded with your woman within this dynamic dance. 113
Using Conversations Conversations to Build Comfort One of the most important elements in building bridges in understating each other better is being a great conversationalist. To begin, it would serve you to become well versed in topics that interest women. As a general rule, topics that interest women are things that can generate some form of emotions. Some of these topics might include fashion, art, celebrity gossip, etc. For women, it's about the people, it’s about beauty, it’s about drama, it's about energy, it's about music, food, vacations, travel, humor, fun, celebration, enjoyment, sensuality, and play. On average, they are less interested about accomplishment, competition, gadgets, and focus. Some of you guys might be saying at this point. This is too much work. Why can’t I just be my self? What am I going to get? What is she going to do for me? What if I do all this and get nothing? Is this worth the trouble? Etc. Who you are in the present has been developed over the years through the influence of your parents, society, friends, media, and experiences. It is in the premature closure of who you get to become and what life has to offer you that people grow old, get stuck in a job, and lose the luster for life early on. Become a complete lover because it is who you choose to be. Yes, there will be side benefits of having gorgeous, incredible, and amazing women magnetically drawn to you, but grow for the sake of growing. The essence of who you are might be the same, but you can always expand and incorporate skills, skills, interests, and experiences and integrate them into the ever evolving you. The potential of who you get to be when you claim your power, open your mind, and explore the richness of the world will astonish 114
you. It takes a confident and solid man to explore outside his comfort zone. Become that man and have fun experiencing the richness what the world has to offer. You are already developing your awareness of sensuality by reading this book. Continue to to expand your knowledge on topics that interest women. women. Put yourself in a woman’s shoes and explore what you would be interested in. Perhaps you have never gone to a health food store and smelled all the essential oils that are available. Perhaps you haven’t taken the time to appreciate flowers in a flower shop. Perhaps you didn’t know what kind of manicure and pedicure accoutrements are available. If you were a woman and wanted to take a bath, what kind of candles, bath salts, incense, rose pedals, etc. would you use? Perhaps you have never read a romance novel and became curious to why this genre sells better than every other topic combined. Perhaps you have never checked out magazines on fashion, style, and art. If you are afraid of being called “gay” for doing all of this, then examine where your self-worth and self-confidence is not yet as solid as it can be, because nothing anybody thinks or says about you has any true bearing on who you are. Get to this level of self-knowing. People who are unsure of themselves or where they are going can often criticize and judge others to procrastinate about directing their own lives. If you still absolutely need an “excuse” to explore these “feminine” topics, then say that you are in the process of mastering all aspects of the skills in pleasuring women. Grasp how women think so that you can be the rare man who can actually give them what they want.
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I will share a story with you about chicken soup and tomato soup to further illustrate the point. There was a woman who grew up on her mother’s chicken soup and every time she had chicken soup she would feel really comforted, cared for, and loved. There was a man who grew up on his mother’s tomato soup, and every time he had tomato soup he would feel really comforted, cared for, and loved. So these two people got together, and really liked each other. In fact, they really loved each other and wanted to give each other the best. The woman would always make the man chicken soup because she wanted to give him the best, and the man would always make the woman tomato soup because he wanted to give her the best. Neither of them was happy because they weren’t getting the soups that made them feel cared for and loved. They had many big fights about how the other one didn’t care about them until they figured out that all they had to do was to give the other what “they” wanted. Although it felt weird in the beginning, the woman who liked chicken soup made tomato soup for the man and the man who liked tomato soup made chicken soup for the woman and they felt really cared for, adored, understood, and loved. Find out what “chicken soup” is for women in general and especially especially for the woman who you are dating. Give her what she actually desires and watch her blossom into her feminine flow and bless you with the fullness of her passion, love, and juiciness. On top of putting yourself in a woman’s shoes and exploring all the possible topics that can generate more sensual pleasures for her, go traveling, pick up a new hobby, and expand your experiences experiences in general. Being a great conversationalist is about the balance of drawing out the most intriguing and core aspects of your woman, and sharing the intricate 116
details of your experiences, experiences what makes you alive, and the core of who you are. In the attraction stage, you wrote down some of your best qualities and most interesting experiences you've had. If you haven’t had a chance to share it with her, the comfort building phase is the time to do it. As you share your experiences and tell stories, amplify the emotion, joy, joy, danger, danger, adventure, drama, excitement, thrill, challenge, challenge, and feelings so that you get to spice up her experience of your stories. Women love to be led on a journey, through real experience, or through a story. She doesn't want to be with a boring man. You cannot simply be a protective alpha male and keep a woman’s interest. She wants to be entertained and talk about interesting subjects, unveil the hidden realms of the mind, and explore topics that generate excitement and emotions. Once you learn the art of making any topic juicy, you can talk about usually “dry topics” and make it interesting to women. Remember, most women love anything with emotional content, relates to people, and with global relevance. So if you can talk about computers, hunting, and sports with these criteria in mind, then women can get into these topics with you. Write down things that that interest you and add the zing, details, and color as if you are a novelist. How would you embellish the stories of your experiences and make your topic interesting? Pretend you are an actor, be dramatic, and the women will love it! Talk about that time when you got a massage from three different people, and how much you were enjoying it, how it awakened every single cell in your body, and how much your body felt opened after that experience and how much more sensitive you were to everything around you. Be poetic about it. Write down your top ten if not twenty incredible 117
sensual body experiences, experiences perhaps sexy experiences, unexpected adventures, experiences of sex out in the open, and just fill in the amazing details. Have these amazing experiences at the forefront of your consciousness so that you can share and express these experiences with bravado. Being dramatic does not mean that you have to jump up and down as you share with your woman. A pregnant moment of silence as you look deeply into her eyes and draw out the ending to your story can sometimes add much more drama and emotions. You can also lean forward and whisper sensuous, soft, light, yummy, and pleasurable stories to engage her further. Women love everything that stimulates the five five senses. senses. This includes travel and sightseeing for the eyes, music for the ears, flowers and essential oils for the nose, food for taste, and fabrics, massage, and body sensations for touch. Tell your stories and share in a way that elicits elicits all the senses. senses. These stories are exciting because they carry with them the possibility that the two of you will share in similar experiences together. As much as you can, you want to lead her into actual experiences where you are having these amplified sensual moments. These experiences might be as simple as going to a restaurant with live music, incredible food, and bringing attention and appreciation to what you have around you. This then further foreshadows how much sensual amplification you will bring to her inin bed and will have her curious to find out. Get to a point where you can practice making mundane things carry great emotional content, where you can talk about a cup on the table and add all kinds of interesting perspectives and meaning. Practice this art of 118
creating something out of nothing, of putting perceptual filters on a situation that changes the meaning of the situation completely. Through great conversations, women can get what fulfills them on a deep level which is the feeling of connection. connection. By sharing topics that elicit one’s core value and draws out one’s deeper feelings, women feel the satisfaction of the connection. This is why many women can talk about random things for hours. The important part is not about the topic, topic but rather about the process of sharing one’s thoughts around the topic, the excitement of living vicariously through other people’s experience, and the bonding that occurs in that connection and sharing. sharing. In the comfort building phase, phase, the most essential part is to to just relax, relax, share, share, and connect. connect. The conversations and hanging out by itself creates a level of intimacy. If you run out of stories and experiences to share for the moment, just pause and look deeply into her eyes before gently touching, massaging, or holding her. You can then lead her deeper into the sensual exploration or continue to deepen the level of conversation. I will continue to give you the details of how to do this every step of the way.
Know How How to Listen Talking is a major part of the connection stage and one of the most important parts about being a great conversationalist ironically isn’t about talking, but rather about knowing how to listen. Part of being able to amplify your attraction with a woman is in knowing what to compliment her on by listen between the lines to the core values that matter to her.
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You get to listen listen for the meaning behind what she says. Find out what's truly important to her and give the attention, encouragement, support, and direction that would fulfill her on levels that she may not even be aware of. You might be talking about something as superficial as shopping, but through the proper questions and listening, you get to understand what truly fulfills her at the core about the shopping experience. Finding Finding out the core of what fulfills her is easier than you think. Just ask. For example, you can ask her “What is it about shopping that you love?”, or “What is it about purses that really get you excited?”, then listen for the answer. You can continue to get the “deeper” reasons why something satisfies her and be able to help create experiences with her that may take on many different forms but share the common element of fulfilling her at a deeper level. Listen for the higher level emotions that she communicates communicates including security, protection, excitement, inspiration, fun, play, happiness, joy, love, success, and pleasure. Listen for and elicit the details of how the specific experience of “shopping” leads her to these higher level emotions. It is in finding out the specific “path” that leads her to these higher level emotions that really matters, because then you can help create more of these paths while doing anything with her. For example, the part of the shopping experience that she loves the most might be the process of discovery, of finding and appreciating all the brilliance people have in creating artistic design, ways of combining fabric, and the synthesis of amazing patterns. For another woman, it might be about the social aspect of being around so many people, talking with her friends while having a joined experience, as well as sharing and discovering 120
new things together. For yet another woman, the fulfilling part about shopping might be about manifesting, where she has a specific idea about exactly what she wants and she goes and hunts it down in twenty stores until she finds it, and there is a sense of accomplishment in the process. There can be hundreds of reasons why a woman likes to shop. These reasons are what you are listening for because they are the “buttons” to her fulfillment. The deeper core fulfillment almost never comes from the thing itself but rather from what she associates with the experience and the reflection and expression of herself that she gets from that experience. experience. Most men listen for things as they are. As you develop your mastery as an amazing lover, be a detective and listen for the things that truly matter to your woman, and then use your brilliance to help create more of these situations for her so that she lights up with pleasure. Through the process of deep listening and having the intention of serving your woman through discovering her core values, you will begin to find out her preferences, preferences, her desires, what draws out her liveliness, and what makes makes her feel incredible. Amplify these aspects of her through your careful listening and you will become an anchor for what draws forth her most juicy, radiant, beautiful, passionate, and flowing self. If you can do this, you will be with an incredible woman who will bless you with the fullness of her radiance in relationship and in sensual and sexual explorations.
Additional Elements of Great Conversations As you learn to have great conversations with her here are a few points that will allow you to continue to deepen your connection with her.
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1 Appreciate Her when She Gives You a Compliment. Compliment. Don't push off compliments and be coy and shy. That's a sign of lacking self-confidence. If you cannot fully receive the gift of her appreciation, then she cannot give you that incredible gift, and it would be like you turning down what she is trying to give you. Not being able to own great qualities within you can deter her from fully surrendering to you as a divine masculine. Just this point alone might turn her off to you because any incredible woman would want to be with a man who is at least her equal, if not being able to lead her in her growth on all levels. It is so important to be able to receive her appreciation and adoration as the incredible man that you are developing into. If you don’t receive it fully, she might think, “Perhaps I was wrong about the fact that he has this quality since apparently he doesn’t think he has this quality”. This though pattern could lead to thoughts like, “What else is just a polished mask that he is putting on that is fooling me, but underneath there is a lot of insecurities and weakness?” The subtleties of how you take a compliment and and your presence can communicate so much to a woman. Whenever she gives you a compliment, practice just saying “thank you” with a smile. Do this without the need to compliment her back. Just breathe the compliment in and integrate that appreciation into your body. This shows that you know yourself, that you are a great catch, a great man, and a man deserving of a Goddess like her. 2 Receive Her Her Feminine Gifts Gifts. ifts. Sometimes men and women appreciate different qualities within themselves and others. It is easy for men to appreciate qualities in male friends such 122
as being decisive, goal oriented, sharp, focused, solid, unwavering, dependable, etc. It may take some practice to learn to appreciate the feminine gifts of pure flow, surrender, laughter, juiciness, emotions, spontaneity, etc. Sometimes, when she changes her mind, or when she's late because her met a friend and was caught up in the moment, she is actually exuding and exhibiting her feminine radiance. If you looked at her through the masculine perspective of precision, then you will have missed the beauty and aliveness that she was expressing in the moment. Learn how to look for, understand, receive and compliment her on her feminine gifts. gifts. This will, once again have her feel very seen, feel like the thing that is natural to her, her femininity, is appreciated by a man who understands and who doesn't make her wrong for her natural qualities. Countless women have developed the masculine qualities where she can do projects and follow through with tasks in order to survive in our society. Many are aching to be able to relax into her feminine qualities with a man solid enough who she can trust. Numerous women have lost sight of the incredible attractiveness of the feminine energy that they exude when they surrender, when they are able to laugh in the moment, when they're able to carry the energy of a party just by who they are and by the way that they flutter around. You as an incredible man who understands this need within her can be the oasis that draws out the juiciness that is within her. her In what can otherwise be a harsh and dry world she will adore and love you for being the sanctuary for her feminine gifts in more ways than one. 3 Continue to Create Dynamic Tension
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Even though the main aspect of the connection stage is to build a foundation of comfort and trust, it would still serve you to continue to create the mutual choosing that you learned about in the dynamic tension phase of the attraction stage. When the energy builds and part of the conversation genuinely excites you, go ahead and lean forward, use big gestures with your hands, and engage her and touch her in a passionate, confident, and adoring manner. When you're constantly leaning forward and energetically pushing yourself towards her because you're so attracted, there's no dynamic contrast. If you allow yourself to lean back a bit and in proper moments lean forward when you truly feel that pulsating energy inspire you in a part of her personality and in something she did or said, then the contrast will make the interaction that much more potent. Consciously infuse this principle into your conversations. Talk about things that make you feel peaceful and then throw in stories of adventure and excitement that gets your blood boiling. If you are overly eager all the time, this might convey that the relationship is not on equal footing and that you need to overcompensate to be with her. On the other hand, if you are low energy and relaxed all the time, she might feel like you are boring. Be balanced and draw forth both genuine excitement and relaxation relaxation when it’s appropriate. On a deeper level, your ability to express yourself fully will create the space for her to express all of her various sides as well. From this level of dynamic contrast, you can relax in each other’s arms during an intimate moment and then escalate it into a conflagration of sensual fire that consumes you both.
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4 Compliment Her on the Subtle Things Things Show her that you're paying attention. It could be little things like what she wore today and how her outfit matches. In fact, she may have spent three hours to buy a matching top to her purse and then another two days to find a matching skirt or pair of pants to match those. Study fashion just a bit so that you at least know how to give women the compliment that they deserve and that they have taken the time to polish. You are learning to appreciate the artwork called women. If an artist spent a good amount of time on a piece of art, they would really appreciate it if you saw the subtle things that they did, that they took the time to create. Similarly, a woman is a work of art with so many subtleties just waiting for you to shine light upon, appreciate, and draw out. Give her the gift of seeing her as a piece of art and see the nuances of beauty, personality, preference, skill, skill, flow, etc. that she has been born born with and have cultivated. It might be easiest to notice the external things at first. Start there. Then fine tune your perception to notice the subtle beauty of her personality. Take note when she is kind to a homeless person on the street, when she plays with a child, when she touches you tenderly to reduce the tension in your body, when she fully enjoys the simple things in life, when she is generous with her smile with a passing stranger, etc. Notice these things things and let her know that you are aware of them and how incredible these subtle qualities are to you. you. When you get clear about the qualities you want in a woman, it becomes even easier to notice them as 125
she exhibits them. The reflection of you perceiving these qualities within her will amplify these qualities even more and draw out the Goddess within her. 5 Introduce Humor and Play Play Women love to play, so one of the ways ways into a woman's heart is to make her laugh. Tell stories in a way that's imaginative, that exaggerates, that understates, that plays with words, that shows what kind of silly combinations you could make in your mind, and that shows what funny experiences you can link together. Play games in conversation and in creating your experiences with her. Make sculptures out of your food. Have random contests like who can eat the string beans on your plate slower while looking into the other person's eyes without blinking. Create something extraordinary extraordinary out of thin air with your imagination. imagination. Share something that the two of you seldom experience. Have her as your playmate and an opportunity to have more fun playing and laughing in ways that you would both find really enjoyable. Read up on books of humor. Be funny, make fun of things. Take life lightly while maintaining the context of your strength. strength. With the context of your masculine solidity, presence, dominance, and leadership, the humor, gentleness, compassion, sensitivity, poetry, creativity, and imagination are then incredible additions like beautiful hues of highlights on the painting of who you are.
Conversational Exercises Here are some exercises for flexing your mind so that you can use the expanded thinking for the principles that I mentioned earlier. Much of the 126
art of conversation begins with changing perceptual filters that generate distinctions, contrast, energy, friction, and attraction as well as ones that create a bridge or channel for all that energy to flow through. Exercise One. Find two similar objects like two chairs, two shirts, two bowls, two birds, etc. 1. Name at least three things that are different about the two similar objects. 2. Anthropomorphize the objects and pretend that they are alive. List three things that the objects would have, be, do, and express if it took on a life of its own. 3. Imagine what qualities or special abilities can be added to each object that would make it even more interesting. Exercise Two Two Find two seemly unrelated objects like airplane and miniskirt, trees and jackhammer, painting and martial arts. 1. Name at least three things that relate the two objects to each other. 2. List three ways the two objects can “learn” from each other that would improve and expand their current form. 3. Anthropomorphize the objects again and make them come alive and imagine what the “kids” of these two objects would look like, feel like, and behave like. Exercise Three Three Pick out a few people on the street, in the store, in the mall, etc. as you walk about. 127
1. Notice subtle things about their stance, walk, way of sitting, and facial expressions. 2. Notice things about their clothing, shoes, purse, hat, hair, wallet, watch, etc. 3. Make up a short story based on what your notice about their job, life, hobbies, interests, quirks, sex life, personality, friends, etc. Exercise Four Four Pick a few random objects around you 1. Think about the process it took to create that object to have it be in front of you right now. 2. Name a few aspects about what’s beautiful, amazing, extraordinary, fun, and awesome about the object. 3. Repeat the same process with a random person that you pick out and then with your woman naming what’s beautiful, amazing, extraordinary, fun, and awesome about her. Do these exercises at least 3 times a week in the beginning and you will notice your mind gaining flexibility, creativity, and imagination as well as the ability to appreciate which can then be readily applied to juice up any conversation that you have with people, and of course, your amazing woman!
Using Touch to to Amplify Connection Touch is perhaps one of the most underrated and important aspects of the relationship dance. Many men have no idea how to bridge and 128
smoothly transition from dinner, having a conversation, to kissing, to deeper sensual and sexual exploration. Having the confidence in knowing how to lead your woman smoothly every step of the way is probably one of the reasons you got this book. Well, touch is one of the best ways to lead her and gauge her level of comfort every step of the way. As you meet her, touch her early on because this indicates that you are comfortable with physical contact. Most women love displays of affection. If you touch her a lot early on, it indicates to her that if the two of you do get more intimate, then she will will get tons more affection and attention attention from you. This would be in stark contrast to many couples who might be sitting formally, talking to each other at dinner and not touching each other much except during sex, even after months or perhaps even years in relationship. Touch her early on to show that you are different than other men. Show her that you can touch her in a way that adores her rather than groping her for sex. sex. Every step of the way, she will show you her level of comfort if you are sensitive enough to listen with all your senses. For example, if you stroke her hair and she is leaning into your touch, relaxing into your touch, and not tensing up or leaning away, then she is letting you know that she likes the way to touch her hair. Most women who are comfortable with you stroking her hair are also comfortable with you kissing her. By progressively leading her to a point where she relaxes into the pleasures of you stroking her hair, you can then smoothly lead her into incredibly sensuous kisses and so on. This is only a small glimpse into the power of learning the language of touch because when you become fluent in this language, she will tell you every step of the
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way the level of sensual and sexual exploration that she is ready for you to lead her on. You can begin to create rapport by gently touching her when she says something that genuinely intrigues you, is funny, or that you agree with. Touch her like if you are stroking the pedals of a rose. Especially in the beginning, pretend that if you touch her too hard you risk damaging the tender flower that is her. She needs to know that you know how to cherish her before she can trust you to passionately take her. Touch her with care and with love. Once again, touch her to reward her for being funny, caring, playful, and anytime where she is exhibiting a character that you genuinely enjoy and love. Be present, grounded, and in your body as you touch her. Be sensitive, and calibrate her reactions to being touched by you. you. What I mean is that if you touch her and she's pulling away, then stop touching her. She's not ready for that “intimate” of a connection yet, or you touched her in a way that was not pleasurable, was insensitive, too rough, too fast, etc. If she leans into you, into the touch, touch her more, longer, with more depth, and really appreciate her for opening up to you. There's a fine line between being an alpha male, dominant, and taking what you want versus co-creating a dynamic with your woman where she willingly surrenders surrenders to you sensitive power, refined passion, and wise dominance. Touch her because you want to touch her. Touch her because you know that your touch will bring both of you pleasure. Touch her to give her a gift and show her that you care. You don’t need to “ask for permission”, but through respectful touch, she will tell you when you are going too far and what feels good. Touch her as if you are speaking poetry to her skin and where you are appreciating the masterpiece artwork that is her. 130
Learn to speak the language of touch and you will be able to communicate to her in a way that she dreams about, in a way that 90% of other men haven’t taken the time to learn. How do you start learning this language and practicing this art? You begin by touching your own hand and feeling the difference in various strokes, pressure, and location. Touch your friends. Go to a fabric store and touch various fabrics and feel the delicate differences. Touch women that you are on a date with and notice the way they respond to your touch. Take a class where you can get certified in massage and it will benefit you immensely in the pleasure that you can bring to women who you choose to interact with, and for your understanding of your own and other people's bodies. Start putting conscious attention on your ability to touch for 5 minutes a day 5 days a week. Ask your women friends whether they would like a massage from you just so you can get their feedback. Begin touching everyone, even if it means just putting your hand on their shoulder for a second. Notice how you touch everything. Get familiar and comfortable with touching and practice as much as possible. In the next section of deepening connection, I will go over a system where you can lead your woman step by step to experience the sensual opening that she desires with you through touch. You will learn step by step how you can give a woman exactly what she is ready for in the moment.
Action Steps Steps for Building Comfort Continuing with the action steps from previous sections, you are making eye contact with 20 women a day, saying hello to 10 of them and starting 131
a conversation with 3 of them as well as speaking to 2 new groups for 5 days a week. You are also asking for the numbers of the women who you find attractive. Once you get their number or move them to a café to chat more, you have completed the first cycle of the attraction stage and are moving into the connection stage. If out of all the women you started conversations with, you didn’t find any who inspired you or you were deeply attracted to, then you have two options. One is to go out to different places and double the amount of women you make eye contact with, say hello to, and start conversations with. Two is to practice the action steps with women who you find semiattractive and just do it for the sake of practice so that when you do meet the women who you find extremely attractive, you will be at ease, smooth, and flowing with your conversations skills. Either way, do it. There are 4 simple simple components to this new action step as you engage with a woman and begin conversing with her. 1. Find 3 things that you have in common in hobbies, interests, jobs, music, sports, health, food, etc. 2. Ask her questions about the 3 areas of interests from part 1 and discover the deeper driver of why she likes having these experiences. Sample questions include: “Why are you interested in that?” “What does that mean to you?” “What does that give you?”
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Continue asking these questions until you get to to a core value that fulfills her about the experience. In the process, come up with your own and personalize these questions. 3. Share with her at least 1 amazing experience that you have had and practice being an amazing story teller and add all the colors, details, emotions, drama that will engage her thoroughly. 4. Touch her gently at least once when she says, does, and embodies something that you like. This action step is simple, but potent. Practice with at least 3 women this week and see how long you can stretch out the conversation. Do it, Do it, Do it. Practice makes perfect.
Stage II Phase II Deepening Connection In deepening your connection with each other, we are now going even further in discovering what satisfies, fulfills, and inspires your woman and building a foundation upon these core values. In the attraction stage, we wanted to present the most polished, exquisite, and refined you to generate the initial attraction. This is because that in this stage women are filtering 80% for your qualities of being primal, dominant, alphaalpha-male, and having good survival skills. Now that the attraction has been generated, she switches her filters to 80% whether you can connect with her emotionally because on a biological basis this is whether you would stick around if you had a “baby” or if you had sex. Yes, we have contraception in this modern age, and yet the 133
wisdom passed down through our evolution is still in our genes. So whether or not you are really going to have kids with your woman you is not the point, the question is whether you can connect with her on a deep enough level that she chooses to have the primal opening and exquisite bliss of making love with you. Even if what you want is just a “one night stands”, there are still certain levels of emotional connection that needs to be achieved for her to feel open to you. Yes, as a man, there are still moments where I think with my cock and think short term because biologically, spreading my seed is still a driver. Yet, if you have ever experienced the difference in pleasure between having sex with someone you are only kind of into, versus having both of you feel so lucky in being with each other and having massive amounts of passion and love in your sexual connection, connection, you will know that it is hard to go back to superficial sex. Either way, if you begin to master this phase, you will be transformed as a man who will naturally be more attractive to women because you will become fluent in speaking the language of emotions, core values, values, and fulfillment which can turn a woman on like Niagara Falls. Falls. If you just want to get laid, you will need to be decent in this section, if you want to make love and have her worship you as the best lover she has ever had who absolutely blows her mind mind on every level, you will need to master this phase as the foundation for the rest of the phases. With all that said, we are now moving from the incredible presentation of the outer self to the revelation of the depth of our inner selves. The deepening of the connection of inner values, dreams, aspirations, and passions are what will bond us to the other person and set the stage for incredibly pleasurable sensual and sexual exploration. 134
In the building comfort phase of the connection stage, we have begun to develop your skills in the fine art of conversation. The woman who you are with has not been by your side through all of your life experiences. The only way that she gets a glimpse into your life and gets to know you to a deeper level is through the few selected stories out of the thousands of experiences that you have had. We have begun this sharing process where you are sharing stories with each other while finding common interests to build upon. One of the ways to begin to deepen your connection in this phase is by talking about things that matter to you and ask questions that delve into the depth of your woman’s consciousness. The topics that you talk about can be vast and varied and include politics, sports, weather, video games, computers, architecture, food, fashion, art, theater, travel, restaurants, health, etc. The important part is that you truly connect deeply and intimately with your woman and begin to know her inner recesses. Any topic can be a gateway to that essence that you get get to discover. When you feel comfortable enough to reveal this part of yourself to her, the bonding that is created is incredibly intimate. Discuss any topic that you are passionate about and feel free to venture into arenas that you may initially be a little bit uncomfortable about sharing with your woman. If the foundation of attraction and commonality is strong enough, this will be the spice that really amplifies your connection. In this phase, you are reaching into the nooks of the mind that few people explore with each other. If you can begin to breach into these arenas, the level of comfort and intimacy will be massively accelerated. 135
Creating the Bridge for Deepening Connection After you have built enough comfort with each other, you get to take the outer expression of interests like sports, TV shows, hobbies, dancing, music, food etc. and find out the linking core principals and underlying reasons of why these things bring your woman joy, passion, and inspiration. inspiration. I will now give you more specifics and distinctions to help you draw out and reveal the gifts that each of you hold. When you get to the deeper core drivers of what fulfills you and your woman, you will find out what ties the two of you together and she will feel seen by you for the deeper reasons of what makes her feel alive. From this point, it will be much easier for her to open up to you sensually and sexually because she will feel the deepening of your care and bond so that you will be less likely to be selfish and hurt her or be insensitive. Once again, this goes back to the primal understandings that I delineated earlier because when a woman chooses to have sex with a man, she was at risk of bearing a child that she may have to take care of for years by her self if the man left. In this case, she might have no support or protection and the child might die. That's a pretty big decision. Out of survival, women have developed a keen sense for emotional bonding. This is why intimacy is so important to women and why her trust and opening to you increases the sensual and sexual pleasure that the two of you get to co-create together. With all these powerful reasons to become intimate with a woman, it is your conversational skills, ability to be present, and a desire to draw out 136
and serve her most brilliant self that will ultimately bring you the massive pleasure that the two of you can experience with each other. Here are some ways to build the bridge and continue to deepen the connection to your woman just in your conversations: 1 Share Ex Exciting iting Stories Stories As you find common interests with each other you will find topics that naturally lead into stories related to your interests that can reveal the fun, exciting, and exquisite man that you are. Take all the exercises that you have done in the attraction stage and begin to tell these these stories with pizzazz. pizzazz. Share the fun and exciting experiences that you have created for yourself with your woman. Remember to be sensitive and not ramble on and on. The key in deepening connection with her is for her to feel like you know her on a deeper level, so whenever you get a chance, let her pipe in, and if she isn’t being talkative, then ask her questions that have her share with you similar experiences that she has had. 2 Reveal Reveal a Fuller Picture of Who You Are Are Expand your story to include ones that are not purely exciting and adventurous, but has content where you met up with some challenge and was able to overcome it or get a lesson out of it. She will seldom judge you on the experience itself, but rather get to know you through the choices you make after having those experiences and how you have grown from those experiences. What you do with your challenging experiences is more of a statement of who you are as a man than the experience itself, and to trust her in sharing these experiences will begin to create a deep bond. Let her know the qualities, the personalities, the traits, and the resources that it took in order for you to overcome these challenges. Most women 137
love to fantasize about the future even if she only wants to experience pleasure for one night. There is always the thought, “what if he could be the one?” Any long term relating will meet up with trials and tribulations so by letting her know that you can handle handle yourself in the face of challenges will have her open up to you even more. more. When you share on a deeper level, most women will reciprocate by sharing something with you. As you share it is like the peeling of an onion, layer by layer, where you allow yourselves to be seen for your core, to be seen for the possibilities of bright, incredible, and powerful moments that you have embodied as well as living through some of the darker moments. When it is all peeled away, then the clothes, which are facades of our personalities, too, can be peeled away in an easy and comfortable way. 3 Use Humor in Your Stories Stories Tell stories where you might have been a bit embarrassed in the experience, but in hindsight these became precious moments that you can laugh at. We all make mistakes and have short-comings, and being able to laugh at these instances and share them shows the amount of comfort and acceptance that you have in yourself and sub-communicates the level which you can be comfortable with your woman’s quirks quirks and idiosyncrasies. idiosyncrasies Choose to share stories that are funny. These could be stories you have heard, things you have seen, or actually experiences that you have had. Having a filter for how life is humorous shows your woman that you have a lighter side. When she gets to share laughter with you it allows her to relax into you more because of your ability to transform “serious” or “embarrassing” “embarrassing” moments with grace.
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4 Ask Powerful Questions Questions As part of the art of conversation, you get to develop the skill of asking questions that lead to deeper revelations of your woman. It might be as simple as asking the question “why”. For example, if she likes to dance, instead of just saying, “Cool” you can ask her “why do you like dancing?” There are many ways to frame this “why” that can pinpoint the more specific aspects about her core happiness. You can ask, “What is about dancing that makes you happy?”, “What fulfills you about dancing?”, “What inspires you about dancing?”, “What is important to you about dancing?”, “What part of yourself do you get to express through dancing?”, “What enlivens you about dancing”, “What is your favorite part about dancing”, etc. You can apply any of these questions to anything that she says. In fact, you might want to take the time to memorize these question forms or write down down your own versions. Overtime and with practice, they will begin to just flow out of you. Also, don’t stop at one question, once she gives you an answer, whenever possible, go deeper. Ask “What else is important to you, fulfills you, inspires you about dancing?” You can use any combinations of these question forms to go deeper with whatever answers she gives you. Just by asking these powerful questions, you can have hours of meaningful conversation and go to depths that she might not have revealed to other men just because you knew how to direct the conversation past the superficial levels. levels. Listen carefully to the answers that she gives you. These are the answer to her heart, to what satisfies her, to what fulfills her. It doesn’t even matter what the subject is, it could be seemingly about shopping, dancing, 139
traveling, food, family, etc. The core energy of what fulfills her is what you are listening for, and this is what you want to draw out of her and reflect back to her. If you can do this well, you will become a delicious source that draws out her most amazing, beautiful, and wonderful aspects as well as be an anchor for her in feeling feeling deeply satisfied and fulfilled. 5 Share Your Dreams Dreams and Visions Visions Sometimes, we get too caught up in the daily grind, perhaps in our 9:00 to 5:00 work. Perhaps the challenges that life has thrown your way have gotten you so off kilter that you have forgotten what your dreams and visions are. It has been said that without a dream, dream, people perish. Begin to get clear about what your dreams and visions are again because this is what makes life worth living, and as you become clearer about what truly inspires you, you get to share, and co--create these visions with your woman. Your dreams and visions are the things that inspire, motivate, and create the juice in your life. Women are attracted to men who are going places, who have an adventurous soul, a passion for life, and who can lead her to encounters that she has never experienced before. Share your dreams and visions with her and ask about hers hers even if they seem ridiculous. Remember childhood aspirations and take the time to write them down and allow them to take on more solid form through the process. Take the time to write out a three month, six month, year, perhaps even two or five year plan on how it would be possible to achieve this vision and begin to take immediate action even if that action is as small as doing a one word internet search on what you are creating. 140
Yes, there is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path, and yet, when you know that the path is at least possible on paper, there is an opening that happens within you. Where previously the dream may seem fantastical, it now becomes possible. When you have this dream and vision about who you are, what you get to contribute, what your gifts are as a man, and share this with your woman, the two of you can share the discovery process together. There is incredible power here because when you can be the man to support her in her vision and she can be the woman to support you in your vision, then even if you do not become sexual lovers you could become an incredible pillar and friend for each other. Whatever dynamic you want to create with a woman, whether for a night, whether she is a lover, whether she is a girlfriend, or she becomes your wife, this level of co-creation and visioning will bring more pleasure to the both of you. Furthermore, when you allow yourself to play full out and give your all because you are someone who chooses to give all of your gifts, then you step toward the path of being complete lover. From here, you can adore and worship a woman into her Goddess self and draw forth the divine feminine from any woman and be a true gift. So elicit the dreams and visions out of your woman, and help her elicit specific actionable and measurable steps for her dreams. Both of you will feel a rush of energy because the dream is now on its way to reality if you simply take small consistent steps along the way. This will do more than you know in bonding the two of you together because partaking in the pure creation process will allow energy to flow through your bodies which can be a huge “turn on” for her.
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6 Convey to a Woman That You Can Handle Her Emotions Emotions A woman, when she is in her full femininity, can be Kali which is the Goddess of destruction. When you can handle the explosive, uncontrolled, and wild emotional side, then the part of her that is the Goddess of feminine flow and beauty will also come out to play. If you can't handle her darker side, she will not feel comfortable in fully expressing her sensual and sexual sides. One of the skills you get to develop and hone is the ability to be able to let her emotions flow through you rather than resist it. To strengthen your self worth so that even when she is seemingly directing her anger at you to not take it personally and to listen deeper to her emotional communication which is usually asking to be seen, to be held, to be understood, and to be loved. You are developing the ability to be able to feel into and perhaps even appreciate her range of emotions as they wash over you while you are present and still like the center of a cyclone. You learn to contain her energy without putting up a wall and you can just listen to what she is saying, listening for the call for love that she is communicating. When she feels that she can throw any emotion at you and you would still hold and love her through it, then she can truly open up and surrender to you to greater and greater degrees. The sensual and sexual pleasure that the two of you experience will be in direct proportions to your ability to contain all aspects of her. her. To convey this ability effectively, you can initially tell her about instances where you have been there for your past girlfriends or lovers and have seen them through the tough times. Share aspects where even though it
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was hard, the level of growth both of you got to have through the experience. What is even more effective in conveying your ability to contain her emotions is to show her. Even if you are only beginning to relate, there might be moments where she shares a vulnerable emotion or reveals some raw energy. It is in those moments where you get to breathe deep into those emotions, smile, and appreciate the fact that she feels safe enough with you to let this side of her come out. Remember that these are the same raw energies that she is allowing to flow through through her body which will make your love making so much more passionate, exciting, and juicy. Implement these 6 distinctions as you have conversations with your woman and become a connoisseur in the art of dialogue. Use words to draw out, reveal, and create the most incredibly stimulating, opening, and exciting discoveries that is each other, and through it experience deep bonds which will bring you both incredible sensual and sexual pleasures later.
Deepening Connection through through Play As you deepen your connection, there can be moments where the connection gets a bit intense or even a bit uncomfortable. When this happens, remember, to introduce some humor and play so that you can lighten the situation. There is a fine line between deepening your connection and getting too serious thinking about the future when all she might want is to have some fun with you. It is possible to deepen as far as the two of you are willing to go, have incredible amounts of fun in the process, and kindle your curiosity and 143
desire for each other. In fact, it is more potent when you deepen and share with no agenda other than the pleasure of the deepening and through it naturally discover how much you enjoy each other’s company. The fun and play that you create with your woman will allow the process of discovery of each other to be that much more delectable. Remember to bring in lightness, imagination, and spontaneity with your woman which will create the spaciousness for an even more profound connection. Create random games with each other. Create ways to say I like you that are subtle, indirect, and circuitous and make it as flirty as possible. Write down ways that you can do this and experiment with it. You can wink at her, tease her, smile at her in a naughty way, or put yourself in situations where the two of you are in compromising positions. Women love flirting. Women love to be teased. This is especially true if you have established a great foundation of attraction and connection. She will want to eat you up and won’t be able to keep her hands off you. Many women see themselves as similar to cats. Imagine a cat. When you dangle a feather in front of it and wiggle it, it will do back flips to get to that feather. Yet, if it grabs it, and the feather is on the ground and no longer moving, then it's not interested anymore. Women can be metaphorically similar to cats where if you are not offering movements movements in body, emotions, mind, and spirit, spirit then you are boring and she can quickly lose interest. Dangle that dynamic feather of physical play, exploration of emotions, creative imagination, and spiritual truths and observe the energy and attraction between you escalate to incredible heights. Be yourself and play in the midst of all the unveiling to each other. Ask interesting questions, have the boldness to be spontaneous with her, and 144
invent magical realms that co-exist with our own and pretend to live by totally different set of rules. She will follow your lead if you are comfortable enough in yourself and confident enough to play out your fantasies without being afraid of her or other’s judgments judgments. The effect of deepening your understanding of each other, creating interesting experiences together, peppered with humor and play can be absolutely magic. This level of bonding creates an emotional glue that binds the two of you and further creates an amazing foundation for your sensual and sexual play.
Become Comfortable with Silence Silence The deepening connection phase is about embracing the range within yourself and your woman. It can be as much of a stretch for one man to be playful, as for another to share with vulnerability, as another to be wildly passionate, as another man to sit still, be silent, and just look into a woman’s eyes. If you can move smoothly between the dynamics of stillness and movement, languid love and passionate fire, then you will be fulfilling the full range that satiates your woman’s desires. In between the deep sharing and fun play, there might be a space where there is nothing to say and you are both caught in a moment of seeming blankness. The more comfortable you are with silence, with this nothingness, the more you can put yourself and her at ease. Many people will rush to fill this silence rather than enjoy its empty magnificence. It is powerful not only to be lively and passionate all the time, but also to not have to prove yourself and “entertain” her all the time. The two of you can just be yourselves, not jumping around and putting up a front so 145
that the other will like you. In these moments, you can just lay there open with each other and feel the deepening trust and deepening connection between the two of you. When you are in silence, one of the things that you can do is to pull her into you and just hold her. You can do this slowly where you put your arms around her and slowly move her so that she becomes nestled into you. You can lean your head into hers and pull her head slightly into yours which then contains her in your protective physical space. If you do it properly, you can start to be able to create the right connection and feeling of affection and love that you both desire. While you're holding her, you can stroke her hair gently and caress her ear lobes while being silent. In these moments where you drop into the deliciousness of the moment, you can introduce the tenderness that she so craves. Close your eyes and enjoy the sensation of just holding her and gently stroking her ears, her neck, and her face. Women love to have their face lovingly stroked. It feels tender, sensuous, and delicious. If you have navigated through the previous phases successfully, you have already created the context of strength strength which makes this gentleness that much more profound. Make sure you continue to grow your strength, your core, your divine masculine qualities, your ability to take her, and your ability to be centered and serene in the midst of chaos. Your strength will make your tenderness that much more potent because you are funneling your vast amounts of energy into nurturing her. Another delicious possibility in the moment of silence is to create a sense of timelessness with her and just breathe slowly and look deeply into her 146
eyes. You can lead her into relaxing into the moment of silence and allow the silence to expand. This is one of the deepest comforts that you can create with someone. When you can be with someone in a room for an hour, just being with each other, relaxed, saying nothing, and feeling connected and blissful, you will have reached an amazing level of trust and comfort. There is nothing to prove. prove. You You have accepted accepted each other. other. There then exists an almost intangible, indescribable sense of serenity that will set the foundation for incredibly luscious love making, making and create the basis for dynamic contrast when you slowly escalate the energy upward and take her passionately. You can create these moments intentionally with her so that you capture the charge of the silence and bring attention to the moment. When the silence occurs, expand that silence and lead her into its depth. Help her create the sense of timelessness and relax into you while holding her to you and creating a bubble of your own time and space. You can amplify the depth of the moment skillfully through your touch, through how you hold her, through how you breathe, through how you look at her, through your being, through your presence, and through your own stillness. Too often people rush through the day, rush through their time with each other, and rush through the busy thoughts in their mind. When you can capture the stillness of the moment even briefly, you create a portal into a realm where your fullness gets to co--create with her full feminine flow and initiate what will feel like magic together. If you have a mind that tends to go every which way and is wondering whether she likes you, how much money you need to make, what foods you should eat, etc. it would be a great practice for you to just be in the moment, feel the silence, and notice and appreciate everything around you. 147
If your mind absolutely needs something to focus on, on, then focus on appreciating the fact that you're with this Goddess Goddess and direct your mind with inquiries such why you are enjoying being her with her so much. Ask yourself questions like, “What amazing qualities does she have?”, “What do you find most beautiful about her”, and “What makes you absolutely ecstatic about being with her?” Asking these questions will allow your mind to bring your attention to being fully present with her, and from that place it is much easier to bring your fullness to the seeming silence of the moment and fill it with all of your being.
Deepening Connection through Touch I have gone over touch briefly in the comfort building phase and gave you some exercises to begin to practice this fine art. Touch is one of the most essential gifts that you can give a woman so we are going to continue to expand upon the distinctions that you have gained in giving this gift to your woman. There have been scientific studies where baby monkeys when deprived of the presence of a mother, even when given food, will die. If the monkey was just given a “surrogate mother” that was a doll, it will still hold onto it for dear life and have better chances of survival. When a human baby is not touched for extended amount of time, it also dies. Human touch and connection is essential for life itself. Yet, through our societal code of conduct, there has been walls built around the physical touch. Women not wanting to be perceived as “sluts” or “easy” will often times put up barriers and both genders lose out on getting the intimate touch and connection that we need. 148
We all have some forms of protective shells that we have put. Touching each other has been made the unspoken taboo in our society because it somehow breaks the social decorum of keeping to ourselves and keeping us “safe” within our shells. Once this barrier is broken then innuendoes of sex pervade the interaction. There are so many women who are deeply yearning for the touch, adoration, and love that they deserve while peering out of their shells to see whether it is safe. Most men do not know to touch, honor, or draw out the feminine divine properly, so this stalemate of touch deprivation keeps getting perpetuated. perpetuated. When the sexual tension of “not getting any” builds up, men will settle for groping just to release that tension of contact. Furthermore, the sensual and sexual education for men come mostly from porn which promotes “sport sex” as a standard which easily depicts women as objects to be had, seduced, or taken. As a result, the art and finesse of touch is often lost in the translation. If men only knew how much women hungered for tender touch, how much she can open up, and the level level of sensual pleasure pleasure and multimulti-orgasmic bliss that can result, result, most men would dedicate themselves to master the art. Most single men are not getting the sex they want, so the objective of getting laid can be at the forefront of their mind. This is totally understandable. Sex is one of the most pleasurable experiences in life and most men who want to make lots of money have the attraction of women as one of the primary reasons for making that money. On a deeper level however, just getting laid for most men will not fulfill them. What we really want is to be utterly worshiped as a God by gorgeous and amazing woman who surrenders surrenders and trusts us completely, completely but most will just settle for any sex if that’s all they think they can get. 149
Being worshiped by a woman might seem far, far away if a man is not even getting laid. The ironic thing is, by practicing the art of touch and the principles of connection, not only will you get to make love with women much faster, the possibility of blowing her away with the pleasure you can can bring her increases exponentially. Shoot for growing into such a divine man that women will worship you. From here, making love with incredible women will be a delicious reality faster than you think. How do you touch a woman to adore her, bring pleasure to you both, deepen the connection, and set the foundation for mind blowing sex? Learning the art of touch begins with knowing that touch conveys the level of trust and connection that you you are developing with her. The key is not to tone yourself down, but to funnel all the energy, passion, and desire that you have for her into the potency of a soft glide of your fingers across her back. First, get clear about whether you truly like this woman enough to play at this level, because otherwise you would be faking it and doing both of you a disservice. As you become more and more the embodiment of a complete lover, you are worthy of being with women who you can be proud to be with, who you truly adore, and who really makes you happy. Even if you are not sure in the moment, decide to choose her fully and have the energy of giving your all in the moment, moment this way, you can find out faster whether the two of you are truly compatible or not. By playing full on, even if the interaction turns out to be a one night union, you will both enjoy the experience that much more.
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By choosing her fully, you can truly give her the gift of touch and adoration so that even if it doesn’t work out, you know she will have been served by that luscious energy while she has been with you. Furthermore, when you decide and choose to be with a woman fully, this way of being will quickly reveal and amplify the dichotomies, the ebb and flow, the shadows, the compatibilities, and incompatibilities. Through touch, you get to accelerate the connection between the two of you and find out the unfolding pleasures waiting for you to discover.
Finer Points in the Art of Touch I will now go over some of the mindsets and distinctions to have as you begin to understand, practice, and incorporate the finer points in the art of touch. 1 Touch Her as a Gift You Enjoy Giving If you don't feel like touching her, you probably shouldn't be with this woman, because she deserves to be with a man who would adore her naturally and you deserve to be with a woman who you are really into. As you touch her, you are growing into being comfortable in the knowing that your touch is a gift to her. Once you understand the distinctions in touch, you will no longer be groping her, taking from her as you touch her, nor touching her with only sexual innuendos. You are going to begin touching her in a way that is naturally pleasurable for you because you enjoy the sensations that it brings you all the while knowing that she is receiving incredible pleasures as well.
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2 Stroke Her as You would a Cat How would you stroke a cat without it running away? Stereotypically, you can be rough with a dog. It will come to you consistently and you can use lots of pressure and forceful play in petting it. A cat’s different. Even if it wants to be stroked by you, it might be circuitous about it. If you approach it too directly it will run away. If you start too rough, it will bolt or even scratch you. Use this metaphor for a woman. When you touch or stroke your woman, woman, approach slowly, gently, softly, softly, and with no sudden movements. Be intentional in your touch. Feel into what parts of her is relaxing into you and whether to use broad or short strokes. Also notice the speed of your touch, the rhythm of your touch, and how to use your body as part of the touch. Be tender and careful at first and you can always increase the speed, pressure, and passion as she is “purring” into your touch. 3 Touch Her as if You have All the Time in the World Even if the touch is brief, the sense of timelessness can linger with her if you touch her with presence. If you can use your touch to lead her out of her mind, the busy day, and the stress and tension of life into a realm of timeless pleasure, then you will become a haven for her. She will naturally open and be drawn toward you in co-creating more pleasure with you. Go slower than you think you can go. Be languid and relish the ways you touch her. Be sensuous and have touching her become a new hobby for you. If you have ever played video games for hours, you can turn her into the ultimate game with new hidden realms and levels to discover all the time. With this mindset, you can explore just the tip of her forefinger with
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your fingers and enjoy that ecstatic sensation sensation for half an hour. This is the level of timelessness that you will be growing into. The way you touch her will convey to her what kind of a lover you are in bed, bed so touch her with the care, adoration, and tenderness as if you are already lovers. She will feel the sensuousness of your touch and be curious to find out how much more deeply and pleasurably you can touch her as she opens to you. Touch her to show her how you would lavish her body all night, slowly unfolding every petal of her essence into eternity. 4 Touch Her as much much as You Can When she says something funny, touch her as a way to connect. When she exhibits an amazing quality, touch her as a reward. When she is tense, give her a massage. When she feels a bit stressed, pull her toward you and hold her. If you are having dinner, sit next to her and stroke her hair to add to the pleasure and sensations from the food. If you are standing at the checkout counter, circle her lower back gently to arouse her. If you are watching a movie together, massage the nape of her neck and circle up to her ears. You get the idea. Touch her as often as you can in as many ways as you can. Get creative. Touch her and connect with her through touch as if it is as natural as breathing. breathing. This deepens and accelerates your level of intimacy considerably. Use your sensory acuity to gauge whether she is comfortable with you touch. If she tenses at your touch, just back off. You might be doing it too roughly, she might perceive an ulterior motive, or she might just be super sensitive. Don’t force it, most women are hungry for touch, so if you learn the finer points of how to give her what she desires so deeply, you will become an amazing gift for her and she will give back to you in more ways than one. 153
5 Practice Makes Perfect As I mentioned earlier, touch your woman as much as possible. Experiment touching your woman with different strokes, pressure, location, speed, fingers, positions, positions etc. The more you practice, the more “technical” aspects of touch will become the “art” of touch. The more you practice, the better you will be able to feel into where and how she wants to touched and where she wants to be lead. The more you practice, the more creative you can be with your touch. The more you practice, the more your touch will flow as you touch her. Practice and experiment with your woman or different women every chance you’ve got. She will love the attention. Even if she is not around, practice increasing your skills by touching anything you can get your hands on, cats, dogs, fabric, friends, yourself, furniture, etc. Take a massage class to learn various strokes and various systems of touch. I met one of my amazing ex-girlfriends while I was getting certified in Swedish massage. If you learn massage, not only will you be mastering the fine art of touch, the female to male ratio will be way in your favor, and you are already getting naked together. If you put the time into mastering the art of touch, you will be rewarded for the rest of your your life, life especially with a woman who will recognize the rare gem of a man you are who can be so strong in his presence and so skilled in drawing out her feminine essence through touch. 6 Use Your Touch to Bring Her Back to Her Feminine In the modern day, there can be a lot going on in a woman’s mind. There are tons of advertising that focuses on telling her where she isn’t enough. She can also be under a lot of stress because of the need to apply her 154
masculine skills of making it happen in this world rather than just flowing in her feminine essence. So the question in the forefront of your mind should be “how can I allow her to open even more to the incredibly radiant, luscious, and divine feminine that she is through my touch?” The proper touch is an incredible gift for women because it allows her to sink back into her body in a pleasurable way. When she feels pressure and stress, it is not pleasurable to be in her body, so she might feel cranky and eat, drink, shop, or go to the movies just to escape that unpleasant sensation. The gift you can be giving to your woman through touch is that you can be bringing her back into her body pleasurably. Relaxing into your touch can help the stresses from her day melt away. Her stress can be like butter melting under the sunshine of your touch. radiance.. You then become an anchor for her to remember her feminine radiance You will become an oasis for her to relax into her feminine divine. She will then be magnetically drawn to be with you, play with you, and experience pleasure with you. You will be a solid rock that she gets to lean on, and she will appreciate and open up to you in amazing ways including the ecstasy that the two of you will co--create during love making. 7 Find Out Her Sensitive Spots Every woman is a universe onto herself. Every woman is different in terms of where she is particularly sensitive in her body. There are erogenous zones that exist in the most unexpected places and you are the treasure hunter who gets to unveil these treasures as you touch her. Touch her often and in many different places. It might be the inside of her forearm that sends shivers up her spine. It might be gently stroking the side of her knees that makes her hot. It might be when you gently 155
brush past the side of her neck that she swoons. It might be touching the backside of her earlobes that she gasps. Begin by noticing where and how you touch her that brings perhaps a smile, a slight tremor, shallower or heavier breathing, blushing, eye flutters, and moans. moans. Usually when you come upon a sensitive spot or a great way to touch her, there is a slight change in her expression where she wants to soak in the moment more. Pay attention and explore that spot and amplify the sensation of pleasure in that part of her body. Be an explorer and find her secret code and then give her that pleasurable combination through your touch. 8 Be Creative in How You Touch Her Be creative in the areas you take time to explore and touch in your woman. Some of the main areas to explore are: sides of the neck, cheeks, back of the neck, all over the head, arms, armpit, elbow, where the forearm connects to the biceps, hands, individual fingers, the lower back, stomach, inner thighs, outer thighs, butt, calves, feet, each toe, and ultimately anywhere on the body where she might not usually get a lot of attention. Do not make this sexual, but make it extremely sensual. Make love as much as you can with your touch. Penetrate her with your touch instead of with your penis. As you discover different areas, explore various types of strokes. Go in circles, horizontally, vertically, or in a pattern. Glide past her skin with broad and short strokes tracing with just the tips of your fingers or with the fullness of your hands. Experiment with varying pressures, speeds and play with deep kneading, rhythmic movements, one hand, two hands, your body against hers, your face and lips as a tool for 156
touch, and be creative with your hands as they dance on her skin. There are infinite variations on how you get to explore the vast universe that is your woman, woman so take the time and have fun cherishing and adoring her body in all the possible ways imaginable. 9 Romance Her with Your Touch Almost half of all books sold in the US are romance novels. That means if you combine all the subjects from psychology, automotives, fiction, fashion, computers, spirituality, business, etc. they barely equal the sales of romance novels. There is a deep desire within women to be romanced. Within these novels the premises are timelessness, passion, incredible settings, emotional risks, broken hearts, love through extraordinary circumstances, sensuous exploration, dramas of love, etc. Within all of these, there is a common theme of amazing men and women coming together who express their hearts fully, who love deeply, who delve into the hidden realms of pleasure, and who risk all for the sake of love. Touch her as if you are an amazing lover waiting to sweep her off her feet. Hold her and create a protective bubble where the rest of the world does not exist for a moment. Enchant her with the way you draw her out with your touch. Risk your heart through your touch. Express your passion for her thorough your touch. Show her your sensitivity through your touch. Play it up, be dramatic within the range of gentle caresses to passionate claiming through your touch and be the romantic hero who she so desires. 10 Touch Her as if You are Already Lovers If you assume that both of you are already lovers, the energy that you bring will be totally different. If you usual sit across from each other at dinner, then perhaps you might want to sit next to her since you are 157
already lovers and you want to adore her with your touch. When you are sitting with your lover all the formalities are gone, you just want to be close and shower them with your attention. Ask yourself the question, “how would I touch her without saying a word that shows her that I absolutely adore her?” With this mindset, the transference of energy through your touch will be palpable. Would it make a difference if you said “I adore you” in your mind while touching her? Of course it would. Playing as if you are already lovers will make the dynamic a reality much faster than you think, think so why not give both of you the scrumptious gift of already deeply enjoying the pleasure of being with each other and make love with your touch. 11 Touch Her as if She Means the World to You This is the next step beyond touching her as if you are already lovers. These are all mindsets that you can practice to increase the potency of your touch. It might feel like a stretch in the beginning, but with time, it will become more and more natural to who you are, and you will naturally give more of yourself when relating with women. Remember, giving you all to women isn’t about what they are going to give back to you, it is about a statement of who you are. Even if nothing comes of it, you will know that you have served to draw out her feminine divine a little more just because the two of you interacted. How would you touch her if you chose her 100%? If this is the woman you cherished beyond almost anything in your life, your car, your house, your money, anything you possess, how would you touch her? How would you touch someone who you would risk your life to protect? Feel into all
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of these questions and transfer the feeling into your touch. Say in your head, “I choose to protect you with my life” as you touch her. If you can do this, your woman is going to melt. She won’ won’t n’t know why her whole body is burning to connect with you, you but she will feel the impact of you choosing, adoring, and loving her on every level. Give this to her as a gift without expecting anything in return, and the rewards will be more than you can imagine.
System for Progressive Opening through Touch Now that you have gotten some advanced mindsets and distinctions on touch, I am going to share with you one of the most powerful ways to use touch to gauge her comfort level with you from your very first meeting to exploring sensually and sexually. Most men either move too quickly (aggressive, jerk, asshole) or too slowly (timid, wimp, nice guy) with his woman. The perfect balance of leading her at just the right pace that she is comfortable with is the fine art that you are about to learn. Your woman’s body is an amazing gauge that will tell you whether you are overstepping a boundary or whether she wants to be lead into deeper explorations. Use this system as a way to serve her open to the most delicious pleasure possible. If you have the mentality of honoring her, adoring her, and drawing out her feminine divine, then you will notice her opening to your touch naturally. If you use this system just as a way to get her in bed, then I wouldn’t be surprised if she quickly picked up your agenda and became tense or 159
uncomfortable with your touch. Every step of the way, your woman’s body will be reflecting back to you the level of trust and connection the two of you have coco-created. created. She will only open as far as she can trust you, so continue to build the juicy and deep connection between you and use touch to deepen that connection and to serve her open to her pleasure potential. At any point, if you are getting impatient or frustrated, then you are probably putting your agenda of getting laid ahead of the focus of serving her open to her potential of feminine flow. In those moments, just take a deep breath, chill out, pull back, and take the time to look into her eyes, appreciate her in any way you can, and bring yourself back to being present. There is no hurry to get anywhere. If she is not ready to open, any forceful pushing will only make her close more. So go slow and enjoy her company while using touch to gauge, lead, and bring both of you incredible sensual delights. With this said, all the levels that I am about to introduce as you lead her with your touch are reference points. Most men are not aware of these levels so they do not transition smoothly between one to the next and women might feel a “move” to be too fast or too sudden rather than having it feel natural. With practice, it is possible to seemingly “skip” levels, but in the beginning, play with going from one level progressively to the next to get a sense of the natural flow that this creates. Level 1 Touch Her for 1 Second This is where you get to initiate your contact with her. This can happen as soon as you meet her. Almost no woman would object to a gentle and light touch for 1 second on her shoulder. Do this when you are getting her attention, when she says something funny, when she shares something amazing, when she exhibits a quality that you appreciate, etc. The 160
shoulder, back, arms, knees, and sometimes lower back and upper leg can be starting points for this. Level 2 Touch Her for 2 Seconds Seconds After you initiate touching her, the next time you touch her, linger for 1 second longer. Don’t push for this too fast, even though there is only a 1 second difference. Two seconds of touch can seem like an eternity for “strangers” so makes sure you are establishing enough rapport, comfort, trust, and connection. Level 3 Touch Her for 3 Seconds Seconds After she is comfortable with you leaving your hand on her for 2 seconds, leave your hand on her for just a bit longer. If you can leave your hand on her for 3 seconds without her tensing up, backing up, crossing her arms, frowning, or closing in any way, then you are on your way to creating great intimacy with her. Use your sensory acuity to calibrate her level of comfort. comfort. Back off if she is at all uncomfortable. Talk and just have great conversations without touching her again for awhile. There is no rush to get from one level to another. If fact, if you rush, it will backfire on you because she won’t be able to trust that you will honor her feeling and level of comfort later on. Level 4 Touch Her Her for 5 seconds 5 seconds can seem like a long time depending on your level of ease with each other by this point. Once again, take you time. This is not a race, it is a natural way to increase intimacy and connection with each other through touch. It shows her that you want to get closer to her, and her body will tell you whether she is ready or not. There are no hard rules in touching, but I would encourage that she gets comfortable with you 161
touching her for 1, 2, or 3 seconds at 10 different times before you leave your hand on her for this long. Also, have fun with this, make it light and playful. There is no end goal, there is only a progressive celebration of increasing intimacy and connection. Level Level 5 Touch Her for 10 Seconds Seconds If she feels comfortable with you leaving your hand on her for 10 seconds, then she officially likes you. This is definitely no accident that you hand is on her, and you are essentially asking her, I like you and would like to get closer to you, and if she lets you, she is saying yes. At this point, be especially mindful of her body language. If she shows any signs of discomfort and tension, then you should back off a bit. Touch is such a connection accelerator that she might be taken by surprise by how much she feels connected to you and there might be a slight recoil before going deeper. Once again, be mindful and honor where she is at and keep in mind that you are here to serve her open to the delicious flowing Goddess within her. Level 6 Leave Your Hand on Her Her This is where you leave your hand on her for more than 10 seconds. By this point you will have created enough rapport with her for her to feel comfortable with you in her space. She likes you enough and trusts you enough to let you touch her consistently. Good places to leave your hand on her are on her shoulders, legs if you are sitting, or the back of her hand. If she lets you touch the back of her hand for this long, then you can probably hold her hands. If you want an alternative way to smoothly transition to holding her hands, progress through the next three levels. Relish this moment. It feels amazing to be able to bridge the space between the two of you with touch. Your heart might be pounding, she 162
might be blushing, and there can be a lot of heat and passion generated just from this. Incorporate this level of touching into your conversations, powerful questions, and deep sharing that the two of you are engaging in. This level of touch will accelerate the depth that you have already cocreated with her and will add an amazing layer of deliciousness to your connection. Level 7 Massage Her Shoulders Shoulders If she feels comfortable with you leaving your hand on her, she will usually feel comfortable with you giving her a massage. Sometimes, you can start with offering a woman a massage and the timeframe for previous levels can be shortened because she will already be comfortable with you touch. Either way, when the time is right, especially if she is already comfortable with you leaving your hand on her, leave your hand on her shoulders and see if she can relax into your hands being there. If she is comfortable with your hands on her shoulders, then begin moving your fingers slowly and gently massage the Trapezius muscles between her neck and shoulders. Move slower and lighter than you think in the beginning, because you can always increase the pressure and speed later. You can also just ask her whether she would like a massage, although I have found that an “impromptu” massage that just “happens” usually creates a more sensually charged dynamic. Most men err on the side of going too fast and too hard when giving a massage. Start as if you are stroking a feather or the pedals on a flower. Initially, it might be helpful for you to think of this as an adoring caress rather than a massage. The intention is to help her relax and feel good in her body and to do so without any sexual innuendo. Keep your intention on helping her relax into your touch. Receive pleasure by knowing 163
that you are creating an incredible experience for her, and feel the increasing connection and intimacy that results. I would encourage you to take a course or at least get a book on massage and begin to familiarize yourself with the art of touch. Play with massaging her Trapezius muscles between your thumb opposed to your forefingers and middle finger. You can also use just your knuckles, just the thumb, stroking with the forefinger and middle finger, holding and putting pressure on a tense point, using your forearm, or any creative techniques that you can learn or create. Remember, go slower and lighter than you think in the beginning. beginning. You are trying to help her relax and feel the pleasure of being in her body, not give her more pain. Level 8 Massage Her Neck Neck The neck is a really sensitive and sensuous location for a woman. Practice transitioning smoothly between caressing and massaging her shoulders and moving seamlessly to her neck. Perhaps one hand can still be massaging her shoulders while the other hand glides slowly to nuzzle her neck between your thumb and the rest of your fingers. Gently and slowly “squeeze” the nape of her neck moving from the base where the neck connects to the shoulders up to where her neck meets her hair. Once again, begin softly and apply more pressure when she fully relaxes into your touch. Often, when you reach the neck, your woman might let out soft sighs, gasps, or even moans because it feels so good. Take your time indulging in giving her these great sensations. When she feels this good, and you are the cause of these delightful feelings feelings, she will automatically feel more open toward you and any deepening conversation will have even more impact. 164
Level 9 Massage Her Hands Hands When you have taken the time to massage her shoulders and neck and she is thoroughly enjoying the process, she will have reached a certain level of trust, openness, and relaxation that is usually reserved for more intimate encounters. Honor and appreciate her for the fact that she has chosen to open this far with you and use this energy to continue to amplify the pleasure that you can lead her into. Take your time and linger at this level of touch intimacy for as long as you want. After a neck and shoulder massage, you can simply pull her into you and hold her. When the timing is right, you can begin to gently massage down her shoulders to her biceps and forearms, moving ever so slowly and tenderly as you hold her close to you. Imagine that you have all the time in the world and that you are admiring one of the most amazing pieces of art and that you get to give this living art the most exquisite pleasure you can muster. You can move from the forearms and give the wrist area some attention. Most women are very sensitive at the wrists and this is an erogenous zone that often does not receive much attention. From the wrist, you can move onto the palms of the hand using circular motions with your thumb as well as up and down strokes to caress her hands. When done properly, properly, many women consider a hand massage and a foot massage right up there next to an orgasm, orgasm so be generous with your attention to her hands. You can also massage each finger individually spiraling upward, pulling, and caressing each finger before returning to the palms of the hand. Level 10 Holding Her Hands Hands
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This transition is really natural when you have spent say the last five to ten minutes massaging her hands. You are essentially already holding her hands when you are massaging them. As you finish massing her hands, take a moment to stop the movements and hold her hand in yours and breathe into the sensation of the contrast of the movement of massage to the stillness and the charged moment within the stillness of holding her hands. If you are still sitting apart from her, move her and hold her close to you while holding her hand. Relax your grip, just hold her hands gently and let the realization that the two of you are intimate enough to be holding holding hands sink in. This is a delicious moment that should be cherished. You can soak in the silence of the moment, look deeply into her eyes, bring her head to lean on your shoulders, or anything that celebrates the moment. Sometimes letting go of her hands to massage her some more before taking her hands again adds to the potency of the moment. Play, have fun, and enjoy. You have all the time in the world to relish the eternity of this moment. Level 11 Caressing Her Head Head and Hair Hair In the deepening connection phase you are deepening through touch, emotions, and conversations. Once you have reached the physical deepening of holding each other’s hands, the emotional and conversational depth can naturally deepen. Do not become overly focused on any one arena. Rather, feel into and lead her into the natural balance and depth of touch, emotions, and powerful conversations. The levels of touch do not “exist” in reality, they are simply useful reference points that can help you navigate through the mystery that appears to be women. Each level includes the one before it so transition smoothly back to earlier levels to create the most melodious symphony with your touch. 166
Once the two of you feel comfortable holding each other’s hands, you can venture into more intimate areas of touch. After you can hold her hands, let go occasionally and continue to touch, massage, and caress her tenderly when the moment seems right. From the shoulders, you can transition to the neck, and then to her head perhaps gliding past the top of her ears and using jelly fish tentacles like strokes to massage her head. A woman’s head is another erogenous zone that can be used to elicit so much pleasure. Many times a woman will roll her eyes back in bliss when given the proper head head massage. As you massage her head, you can caress her hair tenderly, taking your time to enjoy the texture and softness of her hair. When the moment is right, you can contrast the light strokes with a gentle pull at the roots of her hair before returning to the head massage. Transitioning between the shoulder, neck, head, and hair can lead to hours of sensual enjoyment of each other while you are having dinner, watching a movie, driving in the car, walking down the street, or even while dancing. Once again, practice makes perfect and I doubt your woman is going to complain as you fine tune this art. Level 13 Caressing Her Her Ears Ears and Face Face Once your woman has fully opened into your incredible touch up to this point, you can move from the head massage to gently tracing the shape of her outer ears to caressing her inner ears as well as exploring her ear lobes and underneath her ears. The ear is another erogenous zone for a woman and deserves enough time for proper exploration. Many of these areas will be gone over again in the foreplay section as you incorporate them into sensual and sexual play. Familiarize yourself with these areas as much as possible and turn the technical aspect of touch into the art 167
of touch and a part of who you are in your ability to co--create as much pleasure as possible with your woman. By the time she is comfortable with you exploring her ears, she will probably be putty in your hands. She probably can’t remember the last time a man was so skilled in leading her into relaxing into such exquisite pleasure. Just when she doesn’t think it can get any better, you can gently move from her ears to gliding the back of your hands across her forehead and face before switching to use the soft pads of your fingers to stroke her cheeks. Pause to just hold her cheeks tenderly before perhaps moving your fingers to trace her lips. Level 14 The Kiss In most cases, if a woman lets you stroke her head, hair, and ears, she is willing to let you kiss her. If she enjoys your touch as you stroke her ears and face, then she usually can’t wait to kiss you to deepen the connection. Trace her forehead and face gently with your fingers, and then pause to hold her face lightly in your hands. This is the prefect moment to look deeply into her eyes and move your lips toward hers. Listen to her body language with all of your being and see if she is tensing up, moving away, frowning, or closed off in any way versus, blushing, smiling, opening, and closing her eyes in the preciousness of the moment as your lips meet. As you hold her face gently in your hand, move toward her lips 90% and allow her to meet you for the last 10%. If she does not come forward, then pause for 2 seconds to increase the sensual tension before you meet her lips the rest of the way. If you have touched her with finesse, she will really want to kiss you, so do both of you a favor and kiss her. 168
I will go over the kiss in even more details in the profound intimacy phase as well as the rest of the touch progression that leads to more sexual exploration in the foreplay section. The same amount of care will be shown when you progressively lead her at her comfort level to exploring more sensual and sexual areas that can bring both of you incredible pleasure. In the meantime, have fun with the levels of touch that I have laid out for you. Go over these in your head and play with them with you date. If you are already in a relationship, surprise your lover, girlfriend, or wife with your newfound ability to touch them in ways and and places that they have secretly yearned for and they will thoroughly appreciate, adore, and want to tear your clothes off for it. Remember, the levels are only reference points. They are like training wheels on your bike that can help you learn to successfully lead your woman to the sensual opening that she desires. If you use these levels too much as a technique, then you will turn the interaction with your woman into something mechanical rather than organic. The levels are filters that will help you to see if you are moving too fast or too slow, whether your woman is ready to be lead to a more intimate area of touch, and to smoothly transition your touch with artistry. Keep the intention of serving her open to her most delicious feminine flow. This means that if it feels amazing to just hold her hands for the next 3 hours, then that’s what you should do and enjoy the time that you share together. relationship,p, the deeper This is only the beginning. The longer you are in relationshi the touch can go. The levels I have mentioned can be an amazing way to keep the connection alive and passionate. In fact, even if you have already made love, you can use the levels as transitional reference points that 169
“warm her up” in a smoother and more sensual way than she has ever experienced. Touch her as often as you can to continue to ignite the juicy fire between the two of you. The more your woman feels adored, the more she will want to please you and the more open and blissful your sensual and sexual explorations can be.
Action Steps for Deepening Connection Aren’t you excited? It’s time again for action! This is where the rubber meets the road and you get to apply everything that you have learned so far in this phase. Here is a review for all the actions that you have been instructed to take. 1. You are making eye contact with 20 women a day, saying hello to 10 of them and starting a conversation with 3 of them as well as talking with 2 new groups of people for 5 days a week. That’s 15 women a week who you are talking to. If you want to get better at being a complete lover even more quickly, talk to 30 women a week. I’m not asking you to do anything that I haven’t done, so decide to do it and just do it. 2. You are asking for the numbers of the women that you find attractive. If the connection is great, then you can see if they are free in the moment to hang out more. 3. Whichever way you move into the connection stage with her whether on a later date or in the moment, you found 3 things you have in common, asked questions to deepen your understanding of her
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interests, shared an experience with the mastery of a story teller, and touched her at least once. 4. Now, share even more exciting stories as well as your visions and dreams with her and ask her powerful questions like “what fulfills you?”, “what inspires you?”, “what’s important to you?”, “what do you get to express by doing this?”, etc. Also share experiences that were challenges that you have overcome. 5. Using all the distinctions that you have gained in the art of touch, lead her through the 14 “levels” of touch and kiss her. Yes, practice makes perfect in touching and in kissing your woman, and if you have kept the intention of honoring and drawing out her feminine divine, then both of you are going to have a great time. Keep in mind that this whole book and all its exercises are to be used in genuinely getting to know your friends, family, date, girlfriend, and wife at a deeper level, not as a manipulation to get women into bed quickly. If you have no interest in getting to know a woman, then you are doing yourself and the woman and huge disservice in just trying to get her into bed because even if you do, you will feel empty and unfulfilled. It would be like winning a prize you didn’t really want, like winning a Geo Metro when you really wanted to win the Ferrari. interestt in. If Find a woman who you feel real attraction and have genuine interes you are starting conversations with at least 15 women a week, you will easily find a woman who you are really attracted to. If you ever get stuck in your house just “thinking” about mastering this material, then get out, walk around, and go start a conversation with random women. It will get 171
your juices flowing and prime the pump for practicing every aspect of your growing abilities as a complete lover. Remember, practice makes perfect so go out there and just do it! Makes sure you are playful and have tons of fun leading women into delicious and sensual touches and kisses that will blow their mind.
Stage Stage II Phase III Profound Intimacy Intimacy is also known as “In to Me See”. At the highest level of intimacy, the woman you are with would feel so seen by you, so adored by you, have so much trust in you, that she can completely surrender to you knowing that wherever you lead her would would be in her highest interest and that she is completely safe with you. If you have co--created this level of intimacy with a woman, do you think you have to “manipulate” her into having sex with you? This statement wouldn’t even be a reality in how the two of you are relating with each other. This level of connection would naturally flow into incredibly pleasurable love making because it would be an expansion of how you already feel for each other. In Stage III Communion you will learn proven, effective, and detailed techniques on various aspects on how to pleasure women. Yet, without the power of intimacy, intimacy it would like having an infant play a Stradivarius Violin or an old lady driving 50 miles an hour on the freeway in a Lamborghini with no refinement and power behind the most amazing tools of expression. To say that the profound intimacy phase is an important section would be an understatement.
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Remember, there are more romance novels sold in the US and Canada than all all other books combined. combined. Not money, not sex, not fashion, not home and garden, not gossip, not computers, not cars, not health, not business but ROMANCE. ROMANCE Did I make this clear enough yet? Romance is passion, adoration, adventure, intimacy, and love with a “real” man. We just hit upon one of the most important keys to intimacy. You have the opportunity to become the “real” man, man, the divine masculine who women desire. Intimacy is not just about lovy dovy, soft cozy, melt into each other energy. It is about being a man of such integrity, strength, courage, passion, purpose, and truth that you can penetrate the deepest part of her essence with your heart. To get to be the romantic hero in romance novels, you get to train to have more skills, intelligence, courage, integrity, passion, spontaneity, imagination, power, focus, flow, and groundedness than most men, and at the same time have more sensitivity, emotional wisdom, and love than even your average woman. Becoming a romantic hero is a worthy challenge for you who intend on becoming an amazing lover and the journey is more pleasurable and rewarding than almost any other physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual discipline and practice that you can take on. What’s at the end? There is no “end”. If you gave Picasso, Rodin, Dali, Leonardo Divinci and any other great artists 50 or 100 more years to live, do you think their art would continue to evolve? The same is true with the art of being a lover, it can be a lifelife-long journey of discovery. 173
Here is another interesting question to ask yourself. Whose art is better, Picasso, Rodin, Dali, or Leonardo Divinci? They are all at the master level, and yet one is not objectively better than the other. Once you reach a level of mastery, the quality of the art is a flowing expression of your consciousness and there is no absolute best art, but the artist himself will continue to grow, evolve, discover, and make refinements toward the grandest vision of himself. Romance is the fuel that will power the the rest of your practice and evolvement as a lover. The better you get at creating intimacy, at having women feel adored and loved by you and drawing forth her most divine feminine, the more power each of your other practices will take on. When you infuse intimacy into everything you are learning, even the simplest sensual or sexual expression will take on the most impactful and beautiful form. Then, even the simplest approach will capture a woman’s full attention.
Going as Deep as You Can How do you know when something is deep? What is a depth that is so awe inspiring that it becomes profound? A lake that is deep means that it goes down a long way. A part of the ocean that is so deep that perhaps no humans have ever ventured into it can be viewed as profound depth. Most of the time, we interact with each other on the surface with our social masks. We portray to others how we think we would be best perceived, accepted, liked, and loved. We do not usually venture into the deeper depths where the hidden layers of ourselves lay unseen and undiscovered.
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On the surface, we wear our social masks because sometimes we think it is easier to simply play our role. We have developed certain habits and patterns of protection, learned social norms, work related decorum, etc. and these patterns can have us go on automatic when we begin to interact with people. Some of these patterns serve us while others are outdated habits that dis-empower us. Many of us haven’t taken the time to consciously review our habitual habitual ways of being and design ones that truly serve our way of being in the world. This is not to say that you can mechanically design yourself into an infallible being, or that you can eradicate all past traumatic events with a magic wand. It is taking a closer look at automated mechanisms that may have developed out of certain key events acknowledging the challenges within that event, and use those events as reminders of our strength of living powerfully through challenges, rather than as an excuse to withdraw ourselves out of fear. So what is depth? Depth is when we trust someone enough that we can reveal to them the “whole” of ourselves including the less glorified instances where we were not being our best. Emotional depth is when we trust someone someone enough to share our inner inner sanctum with them. Deep sharing is the revealing of our inner world that few people know or see as opposed to skimming the surface because we are so busy surviving and rushing along in this world. Depth is allowing someone to delve deep into our consciousness, into our core, into the essence that makes us joyful, fulfilled, passionate, and enthusiastic about being alive. Sometimes, we are not even conscious of this part of us when the business of every day life takes over and our surface mask programs kick in and we are “satisfied” with the temporary 175
escape into food, alcohol, or television where for a few moments we don’t have to “worry” about our survival. If you haven’t taken the time to know yourself and what fulfills you you in your core, what makes you feel alive, what you want to contribute to the world, what your gifts gifts are, etc. then it is time to have this exploration. Your willingness to discover a greater meaning and depth in your life will allow you to give the same gift to your woman, and all of us have a deep desire to interact and be walking along a path that carries more potency and meaning than the daily grind and the occasional week long vacation just to get away from it all. When navigated properly, the profound intimacy phase will allow you to have a partner who you get to explore with and have an adventure in finding the joyful meaning of being alive with each other. Ironically, in truly being able to do that, you also get to share some of the most feared, shameful, and perhaps painful experiences that you have gone through so that the two of you become like open books to each other, choosing to play fully with each other even knowing each other’s shortcomings. Why do you want to deepen your connection with the woman who you choose to be with? Because any pleasure that the two of you experience with each other later on sensually and sexually are in direct proportions to the degree that the two of you allow each other other into one another’s another’s core. The difference in pleasure is directly related to how deeply you feel you can share with the other and can be the difference between a woman who chooses to have sex with you because she is really drunk and she just wants to get off, versus a woman who thinks you are a God amongst men and wants to surrender completely to you.
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Here are some questions that can quickly reveal the depth you are at with each other, and allow you to move toward the higher levels if you so choose. “On a scale from 1 to 10 how much would you trust her with your money and vise versa?” “On a scale from 1 to 10 can she trust you with her life? Would you die to protect her?” “On a scale from 1 to 10 how clearly do you know your purpose and your woman’s purpose in the world?” “Woah, hold on a second there” you might say! That’s some serious stuff that you’re throwing out. I am not telling you to blindly trust a woman even though there may be signals that she hasn’t matured enough in her wisdom to earn that trust. Going deep is about exploring and seeing all there is, and then setting your intention to play full on, nurturing the deepest fears and hurts and transforming them to support one another in your highest possibilities. Many people hold back and expect full results. Many people try half assed and then complain about not getting what they want. Some are just afraid that if they give their all and still “fail” then it will “mean” that they are not loveable. Others will go through the “what ifs” in their mind. “What if I give my all and it’s still not enough”, “What if I get hurt”, “What if they use me”, “What if she wants me just for my money”, “What if I am not enough”. If you play football, expect to fall once or twice. In the game of love, there will be pitfalls, hurts, and separations, but as in life, it is the people willing to fall, willing to fail, willing to have things not work out who get the most chances in ultimately getting what they desire. It takes a man who is strong in body, heart, mind, and spirit to play this game. If you give your all in creating the most profound level of depth with a woman, the quality of women you can attract will astonish you. 177
Women are hungry for a man who is willing to play on this level. Once you grow yourself to this standard of passion, solidity, presence and depth, depth, there will be few competition and the odds are far in your favor for connecting with extraordinary women in body, heart, mind, and soul. If you are honest with yourself when you ask yourself the questions about the level that the two of you are connecting, then you can have a clear measure about the level of depth and intimacy that the two of you are co-creating together and figure out ways to deepen with one another. Just know that even at a level 7 or 8 on the scales for the depth of your connection can result in some of the best sex that she has probably ever had. To get to level 10 on these questions might take awhile, but see this as an inspirational model like being as good as Michael Jordan in Basketball or Tiger Woods in golf, yet it is infinitely more achievable if you just make the effort. This model will serve you well in having a clear measuring stick to the level that you can play at. And when you reach for the stars, you rarely end up with your hands in the mud. As you deepen the connection with a woman, you allow her deeper into more layers of you, and you become comfortable showing her your shadows, your idiosyncrasies, your insecurities, and she does the same. There then is a foundation of trust created between the two of you that will allow her to open and surrender to you for greater and greater pleasure to be experienced.
Exercises for Profound Intimacy 178
Here are some exercises that will help you begin to dive deeper into your own experiences and psyche and share and explore these deeper territories with your woman. Exercise 1 Uncover Your Shadows 1. Write down 3 situations that was embarrassing, but now you can laugh at. 2. Write down 3 situations where you were nervous, afraid, or anxious, but somehow still found courage to pull through. 3. Write down 3 instances where you suffered or experienced pain physically, emotionally, or mentally, but were strong enough to survive. One of the main reasons why people hesitate to share the things that we may feel vulnerable about is that we are afraid that we may be rejected for these things. Notice how I have framed these exercises in a way that assumes that you have acknowledged some gift that you have received out of these challenging experiences. If you still feel depressed, angry, or fearful when you think about an event in the past, then you are being ruled by external circumstances rather than tapping into your potential power, resilience, and strength. Think about what would inspire you in a movie. Would you be more inspired by some character that is already wealthy and skilled who stays that way or someone who through nearly impossible odds, many failures and tribulations achieve that wealth, skills, and triumphs despite overwhelming challenges? We are all inspired by the possible beauty,
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strength, and resilience of the human spirit because we all know that we also have that possibility within us. So if you still haven’t gotten over blaming your parents, your environment, your schoolmates, your circumstances, etc. which gives you an easy out for not taking the actions necessary to live the life you desire, then now is the time you chose to let go of blaming and take full responsibility for what you are creating in your life in the present. present. If you need more incentive, do it for growing into the man who naturally attract swarms of beautiful, intelligent, and amazing women into your life because they recognize what it takes to claim your power in the face of the challenges that we all face in our lives. Acknowledge your challenges, find out how it has made you stronger, wiser, and more mature and be able to share these with your woman. The concept that most people don’t think about is the fact that if our short comings are the deal breaker, then it’s going to come out with time, and the “rejection” is going to happen sooner or later. However, in most cases that short coming can bring the relationship to another level when our woman stays or loves us despite of it. Another piece of the puzzle is the fact that if we are not growing then we are dying. If we constantly hide our short coming, it’s like muscles that atrophy when unused in a cast. It’s like a wound that we constantly keep under wraps without changing the dressing or letting it breathe. Most people keep these “shortcomings” or painful experiences hidden under wraps, under masks, and interact with people using these masks. Even if a woman can love you for the mask, she can never love you for the you underneath because you haven’t given her a chance to. Some 180
people will go through their whole lives keeping the mask on, and never taking the risk for being loved for all of themselves because they have not developed the confidence and self-worth to love themselves enough to risk their heart. Since taking off your mask might still be a foreign practice for you, here are some more exercises to “prepare” these short comings to share with your woman. You can give yourself some ways to actively let them “breathe” and let these shortcomings, challenges, or hurts begin to transform into your ally that you can draw strength from. Exercise Two Transforming Your Shadows 1. Write down your top three painful experiences, shortcomings, and challenges. 2. One at a time, ask yourself the question, “what is the core reason behind why I am afraid to share these with my woman”. This could be embarrassment, rejection, fear, guilt, anger, etc. 3. Ask yourself are there people with the same challenges but who don’t feel bad about them? For example, are there people who are bald who are comfortable or even proud of their baldness and use it to their advantage? Are there men who are short and don’t feel like it’s a problem and still have beautiful and amazing girlfriends? Are there people who were born poor and created incredible wealth for themselves? Are there people who were physically weak who became incredibly healthy, vibrant, and strong? Are there people who grew up in circumstances that most people would view as unbearable who become a model for what’s possible? 181
4. Act as if you are these people who are already comfortable with their challenges. Walk as them, breathe as them, say something that they would say, move as they would move. Do this for 1 minute minimum and at the same time think about why you, in this person’s body are comfortable with these “challenges” or qualities. 5. Realize the reasons why you can be comfortable with what used to be a challenge and ask yourself if you are ready to let your old associations go? Ask yourself when you would be ready to let go of the old associations? And if the answer is “now”, just decide to let it go and take on the new empowering perspective. 6. Repeat this process as often as necessary and for any challenges or experiences that might carry a good amount of charge for you. 7. Once you have gotten enough charge off what used to be your challenges, you can frame and design a way of sharing this with your woman that empowers her to make the choice to love you through these experiences and qualities. There will be one final exercise to help you let go of any past experiences that still controls you and puts you in reaction. I have seen men with beautiful women who are so on edge about “keeping” her that he will get into a fight to prove himself at the slightest provocation. At the deeper level, he actually feels unworthy of her, or feels like she doesn’t choose him enough and will “cheat” on him if given the chance. These are all examples of subtle ways that wounds that have not been fully vented can fester.
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Whatever emotional baggage you carry whether it is fear, anger, doubt, or lack of self-worth can be amplified in your interaction with women. They usually smell it out and will put their finger right on it and “test” whether you are a “real” man. You should actually be thankful for this incredible tool for accelerated spiritual growth because ultimately most men do want to grow and embody their most exquisite and powerful self. It just might not feel like it in the moment of your buttons being pushed. Instead of activating your less mature side and pushing back, just let go of the button so that she can push the same spot and nothing gets activated, activated then she will go find another more subtle button. I am giving you some tools in letting go of your “buttons” while allowing yourself to remain present. It will give you much more time and energy to direct your power toward eliciting the most incredible and luscious pleasure out of your woman rather than defending against the pushing of invisible buttons. Exercise Three Button Deactivation 1. Pretend that the “you” with the button, shortcoming, challenge, and disempowering reaction is sitting in an empty chair. 2. Convince the “you” in the chair why feeling so sensitive about the issue is silly and why it could actually be a strength! Pretend that you are on a debate team and you get to use all your wits to convince yourself the absurdity, uselessness, immaturity, and wackiness of your present perspective in the empty chair. Use lots of emotions! Really get into it! Time yourself and do this for a minute.
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3. Write down your top three convincing reasons and take it on. Feel into the opposite perspective of your “buttons” which will loosen your attachment and automatic reactions so that next time the same spot is pushed, it is no longer “activated”. 4. Repeat as necessary and for any other energy sapping feelings, disempowering reactions, and other insecurities that you have. If you are able to courageously explore these more uncomfortable realms, you are setting up a foundation of extreme trust, where you choose to be with each other even knowing each other's greatest hopes and fears, strengths and weaknesses, joys and pains pains. What’s more, it might be those shared shadows that allow you to trust each other even more. When you can trust each other enough to reveal the full range of your being, then you can know that you are not with each other for the superficial masks and roles. You are choosing each other knowing each other’s beauty and imperfections. This creates the most incredible ability for the two of you to give and receive each others gifts with abandon and will show through dramatically in love making and in the ecstatic pleasure that you experience.
Make Her Feel Like a Goddess One of the key components in having a woman feel intimate with you is for her to feel completely safe and adored by you. Most men mistakenly think that it’s about how handsome, how rich, and how accomplished they are that somehow create deep attraction and intimacy when at the core it’s really about how you make a woman feel. feel. 184
Yes, it’s the way you make her FEEL. FEEL Not just throwing her down on the bed and fucking her brains out kind of feel. The kind where if she is having a bad day, and somehow, your presence, your ability to be like the ocean where she can throw the biggest, most intense boulders of emotions at you, and you would simply allow it to disappear into your vastness of your being. You would be able to see the beauty and divine feminine that is within her and slowly draw that part of her out to dance. You can make her feel like a Goddess when she was feeling anxious, afraid, angry, frustrated, depressed depressed, sed etc. When things are good, you can amplify that goodness into greatness and take her on adventures on the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual levels that are extraordinary. If you can learn the skill of being such a man for her, the amount of sensual and sexual pleasure that you can experience with her is almost infinite. I call the ability to transform a woman’s emotions a skill because it is not about shutting off your emotions and pretending that you are a wall while she sometimes throws her emotional “stuff” at you. Rather, it is a skill because you are learning how to navigate her emotions first from a place of thorough understanding and acceptance. acceptance. You create a safe container for her where she can simply vent, and then you are able to love her through the turbulent weather just by holding her, or through questions that can allow her to elevate her own perspectives, energy, and level of being, and taking her upwards to realms of rapture and ecstasy.
Exercises for Adoring Your Woman 185
Here are some exercises for you to begin to learn how to master your ability to contain, guide, adore, and celebrate your woman in making her feel like a Goddess: Exercise 1 Emotional Translation 1. When you are by yourself and in a solid grounded state, pretend that a woman is screaming at you, calling you names, and venting at you. 2. Notice if your body tenses up and take a deep breath, relax, and have a slight smile and imagine that whatever she is saying has no meaning, and all the words are masking the call for acceptance, understanding, and love. Repeat this imagined process several times. 3. Now, do the same thing the next time your woman or anyone in your life, your boss, your parents, a client, etc. are in a bad mood, pushes you away, or are being mean. Just take a deep breath, relax, have a slight smile, and reinterpret what they are saying as a call for acceptance, understanding, and love and give them what they are calling for. Notice how this exercise does not just include your woman, but everyone in your life. It allows you to not take things personally, and actually go beyond the surface words into people’s deeper fears, frustrations, and desires. As I said earlier in the book, becoming a complete lover isn’t only about the mastery of your ability to pleasure women, it is about your total transformation as a man into the divine masculine who naturally draws out the attraction, surrender, and pleasurable feminine flow out of women.
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An important aspect of drawing out the sexiest parts and amplifying them in your woman is through the process of adoring her. The following is an exercise to have you practice this art. Exercise 2 Adoration 1. Recall one time where you felt the most incredible excitement, inspiration, adoration, or love for something or someone. This can be a new car, a puppy, a person, etc. 2. Allow yourself to fully experience and amplify what that feels like. Really get into this and have as much of a full body experience as possible. 3. Now look for an ordinary object in the room and transfer this feeling to this object and feel as excited, inspired, and adoring of this object as possible. If you can, notice the details and come up with reasons why you are feeling these amazing feelings about these ordinary objects which will amplify the appreciation even more because you are linking your logical mind with these incredible feelings. This practice allows you to exercise your muscle of excitement, inspiration, inspiration, adoration, and love, and and it is a muscle. If you felt even a slight increase in your appreciation of that ordinary object, then you have experienced what it feels like to infuse those uplifting emotions into it. You need to strengthen your muscles for appreciation first because it is in the moments where your woman is a seeming monster or bitch that you most need to exercise this muscle. And if you can’t appreciate things that are “neutral” or when she is just in a “normal” state, then you don’t stand a chance of appreciating her when her moods hit. 187
Practice this with 3 objects, events, or people for 5 days this week. You will soon notice that regular objects can take on more aliveness, light, and meaning. Practice this with people in your lives or with strangers in the street. What we experience has always been a reflection of our consciousness. You are practicing choosing the conscious emotions that you are infusing your life with. The difference in the richness of your life and in how women are going to think you are a gift from God will be your reward if you continue this practice. When you are ready, practice this with women you are interested in, dating, in a relationship with, or married to. Take notice how even if you said nothing, she will be able to pick up your new found emotional maturity, skill, and depth. The real test comes when when she is in a funky mood and you can adore her through her funk. You will become strong enough to not take her emotions personally, need to fix it right away, or run away. Your emotions of adoration and love will grow to be stronger than her funky moods and transform that emotion into raw energy which can be funneled into some amazingly passionate love making. Practice makes perfect. The difference in the quality of your life and your service to women will be priceless once you master this craft. Exercise 3 Use Questions to Direct Your Consciousness Consciousness The questions that we ask our selves dictate the answers that we get. If you type in “war” on Google you will find millions of pages on that subject. If you type in “pleasure” on Google you will also find millions of pages on that subject.
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The questions that we ask ourselves consciously or unconsciously in our mind when we are with a woman will draw out those aspects of her. In creating the most deeply connected and intimate ambiance with a woman, here are some amazing questions to ask yourself: 1. What is amazing about her? 2. What do I appreciate about her? 3. What is beautiful about her? 4. What is sexy about her? 5. What aspects of her personality do I love? 6. How is she extraordinary? 7. How can I serve to bring out her best? 8. How can I enjoy her even more? 9. Why is she so adorable? 10. Why do I feel great when I am around her? 11. Why is it so fun to share experiences with her? Write at least 3 answers for each of these questions so that you have these in the forefront of your mind. Come up with questions on your own that will further allow you to bring out the feminine divine in your woman! When you are in the presence of your woman, ask these questions in your mind and find the answers, especially in moments where she is not in her greatest mood. You don’t have to tell her the answers. Just perceiving these aspects in her will begin to hold her in a container where she can naturally return to her feminine flowing self. Practice asking these questions in your mind with anyone and everyone you meet. Simply hold the answers in your mind when you come up with them and look for how they manifest in others. others. This exercise along with the 189
first one will add incredible power to how you can relate and lay down the foundation of intimacy with women. Exercise 4 Eye Gazing As you have deeper conversations with your woman, there will be moments of silence. Pick one of these instances that feel especially potent, full, and powerful. Breathe gently, slowly, and deeply while saying to her, “Can I just look into your eyes for a minute?” She will most likely say yes. Feel the silence, breathe deeply, breathe slowly, relax, and look into her left eye so that you can maintain a steady focus. Take your time in really looking deeply into each other’s soul. Gazing into a woman’s eyes is also an amazing lead in for a kiss which will be thoroughly explored later. There is nothing like gazing into the windows of each other’s soul for you to feel an inexplicable bond forming. Asking to look into her eyes creates a frame which allows for both of you to sink into the experience, can take you out of your heads, and allow you to bring yourselves fully into being present. Sometimes you will begin to fall spontaneously into these experiences of having a deep eye connection. If this doesn’t happen, create the frame where you get to play with your woman in this arena. Begin to learn to feel into this level of depth. Start with a minute and move up to 3 minutes, 5 minutes, 10 minutes, or longer. This practice can feel extremely intense after 5 minutes, but allow yourself to expand into holding this intensity. In the beginning you might feel your eyes or parts of your body twitching from not being able to contain all the energy in this depth, or your mind 190
could be thinking all kinds of thoughts. This is an incredible practice and meditation where you can be with another person and totally surrender into the connection. Just relax, your eyes do not have to bug out, you don’t have to prove anything, just rest in the potent connection that is occurring. Practice this with someone at least 3 times this week. If it is not with a woman you are interested in, find a friend to practice this with. If you “can’t find” someone, then walk up to someone in the street and tell them that your coach (me) gave you the assignment to look into someone’s eyes for a minute and write down the experience. Most women would jump at the opportunity to do this. You can even use this as a conversational starter if you chose. Yes this is an “official” assignment that I am giving you right now. So you can just say, “Excuse me, my coach (Tantra coach, intimacy coach, life coach, presence coach, spirituality coach, sensuality coach, acquaintance, associate, friend, or whatever you feel like referring to me as) gave me the assignment of looking into someone’s eyes for 1 minute and write down my experience, would you be willing to do me a favor and practice with me?” In most cases, I would like you to practice with a woman who you have already developed amazing rapport and comfort with to really deepen your connection. Have fun in this practice and enjoy the resulting pleasure.
Profound Intimacy through Sharing Vulnerabilities Vulnerabilities 191
After you have adored your woman through the four different exercises and have drawn out the beauty, strength, dreams, hopes, and perfection of who she is, you can ask her questions such as “What is something you are afraid you won’t be loved or accepted for?”, “What do you perceive as a shortcoming that you are strengthening?”, “Who are some people or instances you would like to forgive?”, “What would you like to improve or strengthen in your life?”, etc. For most of these “harder” questions, it would would be best if you lead in revealing your answers first so that you are leading the heart opening, vulnerability, and sharing while she gets the courage by following your example. You can take you time in asking the “harder” questions. There is no hurry to delve this deeply until the two of you have built up enough attraction, a genuine liking of each other, and a foundation of loving and adoring each other’s strengths because premature delving into each each other’s shadows can weaken your relating while with the proper context of strength will add potency to your relating. Do venture into this arena when you feel like the two of you are ready because life is probably not all roses for either of you, and understanding each other’s “hidden” imperfections can turn them into perfections that allow the two of you to have an even deeper trust of how you can relate to and support each other through the hard spots that are bound to arise with any amount of time. Yes, you always have the choice to keep it more superficial, but once you have experienced the difference in her responses to you in connection and in the pleasures of love making with the proper level of deep emotional sharing, there is no turning back. Asking the questions that reveal reveal our dreams and fears fears show show the deeper core of what matters to us. In knowing what truly matters to the other 192
person, you get a quick sense of whether the two of you can truly help each other build your visions and dreams as well as fulfill each other to the core. The dance between you then takes on a much more intricate level of revealing what’s possible between the two of you. You are, in a sense, getting past the parental, societal, and external expectations which might have been engrained in your being. Sharing your vulnerabilities vulnerabilities will allow you to begin to get past the façade and shields shields of protection and get you closer to her innermost sanctum. sanctum. What if you are courageous enough to ask these questions? What if you are confident enough in yourself that you can reveal all of yourself to another, knowing that even if they disapprove and the two of you are not for each other, that another Goddess will be waiting for the opportunity to interact with a rare man solid enough to take the time to know himself and is a warrior warrior of the heart. Ask yourself the harder questions first and take the time to do some soul searching and write the answers down. Sometimes you will surprise yourself with how much you like your dreams, visions, and seeming shortcomings. Make sure that you do take the time to explore these questions before asking her, her because when she can trust your emotional depth, self knowing and emotional lead, then she can more easily trust your sensual lead which is really just a deeper level of emotional connection that can expand the pleasure of her emotional opening. Perceiving sensual and sexual explorations with your woman as a deepening of the emotional connection that will give you a glimpse of what most women love sex for. Sex is usually the rare moment where she gets to connect deeply with a man and where he opens up a bit more than 193
usual to her. If you can amplify this knowledge and give her what fulfills her emotionally in the depth of connection you generate with her, then she will get to fully let go in her wild passions and fiery abandon during your sexual connection. Come up with questions that you feel can reveal hidden aspects of you that you don’t even know yet. Figure out your fears, what angers you, what hidden buttons gets easily pushed, what you overcompensate for, what you cover you insecurities with, what you would stand up for, who your ideal woman is, you dream day, your hidden pleasures, etc. When you ask these levels of questions, the woman you choose will see that you have taken the the time to know yourself which gives her more reasons to be with you, you because the two you can explore arenas that she won’t be able to explore with other men. A lot of people do not know themselves in those secret, deep, and dark places because it takes a different kind courage to peer inward. When you garner the courage to look in those places, and become familiar enough with them where you get to harness and direct this energy, your woman will find you extremely sexy. Being whole in knowing your light and and transforming your shadows will lead you to own your power in a way that can truly serve your woman and the world. world. As you explore these deeper topics, what you are doing is that you are gently leading one another out of each other’s shells. We all have protective mechanisms that we have developed consciously or unconsciously. We've all gotten hurt since we were little, through relationships, disappointments, and dreams not yet realized. The thickness of the armor depends on the “pain” that we are trying to 194
avoid. Yet, to truly connect with each other, we have to let these shells down sometime. Take the lead and let her in a bit and then she can have the choice to let you in a bit. Through this process, you get to know that ultimately, nobody can hurt you because who you are at the core is pure conscious divine essence. When you feel hurt or attacked, it's usually those places that you have not fully healed being revealed to you. It’s as if someone accidentally and lightly brushed against an open wound and you yelp in pain and feel a need to hurt them back when you have kept that wound “open” by not letting it breathe for a long time. By letting your vulnerabilities breathe and owning these shadowy places and by allowing your woman to understand and support you in growing, cultivating, and loving yourself through those more vulnerable places, both of you will grow to another level. Ultimately, you are deepening to a level where you can trust each other with your possessions, money, life, and heart. It starts with with opening yourself, being an open book and celebrating the fact that you have an amazing woman to help you strengthen and grow in a delicious way. This can be an enlivening experience and provide hours of interesting conversations as you find out about each other, nurture, love, and support each other. From the average man's perspective, this whole section might seem like a waste of time, because all he wants to do is to get laid, but you who is growing into an amazing lover has a different perspective.. What the average man doesn’t realize is that the fastest way to making love with a woman is to make love with her heart first. first Ironically, when you become an 195
extraordinary man, when you honor, respect, adore, and be as holistic as possible in the way you relate to women, you are naturally much more attractive to women. Women are super sensitive, and they will sense your depth and how you can fulfill them in ways that other men aren’t even aware of. At the core, every man’s deep desire is not just to have sex, but to be such an amazing lover that he absolutely blows the woman’s mind as the best experience she has ever had. This might seem far out of reach when the need to just have sex has not been satiated. Know that, I am actually giving you the short cut for getting laid. The path to the heart is the shortest path to making incredible love. You may have to travel a bit slower on this path, but because it is so direct, it will still be faster than you racing down other paths. With the understanding that a woman’s heart is the key to making incredible love with her, you can put the woman in such bliss and ecstasy that she worships you and can completely surrender to you. If you have not connected to her heart properly, then this level of pleasure basically won’t happen because a woman's pleasure is so tied up to her being being emotionally connected to you. A woman’s emotional sensitivity is so tied up to her primal sense of survival that the more she can trust you the more she can open up, and the more pleasure both of you can experience.
Profound Intimacy through through Kissing Kissing is one of the most intimate activities that you can engage in with a woman. Some women even consider kissing more intimate than sex. A woman reads so much into everything and the first kiss could be the 196
deciding factor of whether she'll continue to play with you, to connect with you, or perhaps that you will become “friends”. Many women fantasize about the perfect first kiss and may judge a man harshly if he is not “up to par”. If you have developed the proper depth of connection with your woman, this is not likely going to happen because you will have set up all the right emotional opening to really create an amazing kiss. There are however, a few fine distinctions within the kiss that I would like to share with you so that you can get fully prepare and practice the principles to blow her mind with the kiss. After you have created depth, intimacy, and care for a woman it is really natural to deepen that intimacy through kissing. In the deepening connection phase, I went over the systematic way to use touch to lead and gauge your woman’s level of comfort every step of the way. Through the proper transitions, you can move from each level progressively all the while tantalizing her with the way you stroke her neck, head, hair, ears, and face. Once you have reached the level where she is melting with your touch and you have gently stroked her face from her forehead to her cheeks, look for signs that she is ready to kiss you. Some of these signs include a flushing and blushing in the cheeks, softening of her eyes, her face moving towards you slightly, her looking at your lips, her breath shortening shortening a bit, gasping or moaning at your touch, licking licking her own lips, lips etc. If you have been feeling into her as you touch her, then you will be able to feel into her desire to magnetically pull you toward her. Read the signs, but don’t hesitate for too long, it only takes a second to create that 197
special moment moment for a kiss. When you are stroking her face and your eyes connect and the moment feels right, take the initiative and begin to slowly move your face toward hers while looking into into her eyes. This is a great last minute “check” to see if she is ready to kiss you. Move slowly, and if she is not ready, she will simply turn her face or move her head slightly away from you. If this occurs, you can either back off or just continue your motion towards her and either kiss her on the cheeks or turn your head and nuzzle her head in yours while holding her close to you to create an intimate moment. If she is ready to kiss you, as you slowly move toward her, she will close her eyes, smile, or move her face towards you. Go in 90% and allow her to meet you that remaining 10%. This creates the amazing dynamic where she is “choosing” to kiss you. If she isn’t meeting you that for that last 10% of the distance, just hold still for a second and experience the delicious sensual tension building and the magnetic forces of attraction amplify until your lips meet. Your lips have met, you are now kissing her. I mentioned earlier that almost every woman has a fantasy and ideal of how she wants to be kissed. So how can you find out what that ideal kiss is without asking her? There is a way. One of the easiest ways to find out is to simply pay attention. People usually project outward that which we most want, especially in the physical realm, so we will give love the way we want to receive love and she will kiss you the way she wants to be kissed. The key is then to model her kiss. This means to kiss her exactly how she is kissing you because her lips will be telling you her ideal kiss.
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Why is modeling her kiss so potent? One of the first reasons is that she does not consider herself a bad kisser so whatever she is doing must be awesome. Secondly, people who are like each other “like” each other, and when you kiss her just the way that she kisses you it is as if you have been lovers for ages. You know how she kisses. You know how she likes to be kissed. You are mirroring back to her exactly how she consciously or unconsciously derives pleasure from kissing. By kissing her in a way that is surprisingly familiar to her, she will feel safe, and on a subconscious level become bonded to you, and with that you can become her ideal lover through your kiss. She has a fantasy in her head of how her ideal lover will kiss her, and usually she has probably rehearsed this over and over in her head. By simply modeling modeling how she kisses you, you are more than likely coming close to that ideal in her head. She has probably rehearsed how she wants to be kissed in her mind so much that she embodies that kiss. If you have already connected deeply with her and have built the foundation of intimacy, comfort, and connection with each other, the kiss will continue to deepen the pleasure of connection between the two of you. Listen to her lips with your whole body and all of your senses as you kiss her. When your lips touch, really pay attention to the pressure that she's putting on your lips. Just feel into her lips and reflect the same back to her. Notice how how she is positioning her lips in terms of whether her lips are barely touching yours, or if she is pushing her lips into yours. Notice the configuration of her lips. There are four major configurations. There's the single top lip, where both of your lips are on one of her top lip. There’s the single bottom lip, where both of your lips are on her bottom lip. 199
There's the double lip, where the two of your lips are together and touching. There's the open mouth kiss, where both lips are further apart and perhaps your heads are slightly tilted. The last one often leads into the French kiss, where your tongues are dancing with each other. As a rule, hold off on the tongue initially. Most women like to take kissing slowly, slowly and unless she is thrusting her tongue into your mouth, do not take the initiative until you have at least been modeling her kiss for a minute. Continue to model her kiss for as long as possible. Pretend it’s a mirroring exercise and you are mirroring exactly what she's doing. Mirror also the time that she takes in touching the lips together and separating with your lips, so that you become essentially like two people with one lip, exploring each other. Throughout the modeling process, you can be lightly stroking her hair, holding her head tenderly, or gently caressing her face to add the incredibly delicious moment. Once you have modeled her kiss for some time, you can then venture to lead her with you kiss to deepen the passion and exploration. If you really enjoy introducing your tongue into the kiss, then start slowly. You seldom want to just thrust your tongue into her mouth. Allow her to lead lead slightly, especially with something as intrusive as the tongue, tongue and just put it at the entrance of her mouth near her lips. Allow her to start dancing with you. You want to listen and feel and merge into this dance between the two of you. Keep your tongue soft and after a bit of exploration, you can trace her upper or lower lip gently with your tongue. This is a great way to test to see whether she wants to join you in the tongue dance. If her tongue comes out to meets yours, then begin to dance with with the tip of her tongue before engaging with her deeper. Once you have engaged her tongue, you 200
can pull back occasionally to introduce some contrast and perhaps model her kiss some more before leading her into a passionate kiss once again. There are several ways for you to amplify the deliciousness of the kiss. One of the ways is to say things in your head or out loud like, “I absolutely love kissing you”, or “You are such an incredible woman”, or “You are so yummy, I just want to devour you”, etc. These statements when said in your head or out loud will amplify the feelings of passion, desire, and adoration you have for her and she will feel these transferred through the kiss which makes it so much hotter. This is absolutely dynamite. Try it, and you’ll know what I mean. This is what will allow her to sometimes swoon and have her knees buckle a little bit during the kiss, because you are creating the energy of pure love while mirroring exactly the way she desires to be kissed and more. To further amplify the deliciousness of the kiss, you can more fully incorporate all the finesse of touch that that I have shared with you earlier as you kiss her. Stroke her face gently as you separate briefly before lightly engaging her lips again. Caress the back of her head with both hands as you kiss her or move your hands down her back and press her chest against yours or move her lower back into your pelvis depending on what effect you like to co--create with her. Move your hands in rhythm with the kiss and alternate between various pressures and strokes. After enough modeling, change the way you kiss her to generate a sizzling combination of pleasure with her. Enjoy this incredible, magnificent gift that is the kiss, kiss and delve into the many nuances and allow it to bring you both incredible pleasures.
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Allow yourself to take two steps forward and one step back, so that you're building the energy gradually. You do not have to move forward and amplify the energy all the time. Be like the wave that has its crests crests and its troughs, troughs where you can peak in energy, and then take a moment to breathe and just look at her, stroke her, and tell her one thing that you find beautiful, amazing, and enchanting about her. Any compliment that you give her will help draw out her her feminine energy, because women thrive on adoration and love. Let her know that she is an incredible kisser and that you really appreciate connecting with her in such a delicious way. Perhaps pause to share some intimate stories and cuddling before going back in to kiss her again. Kissing can be so intimate, so juicy, and so delightful. It is an amazing way to continue to create the profound intimacy that you have with your woman. Allow yourself the time, the patience, and the spaciousness to truly truly enjoy the work of art that is your your kiss. Take hours to just make out with each other. Pretend that you are back in high school and that this is one of the most exciting discoveries you have made in life. Savor every moment of the kiss with her and have this naturally lead you to deeper sensual and sexual exploration which we will begin to cover in the next stage.
Action Steps for Profound Intimacy It is time again to integrate everything that you have learned in this phase and put it into action. The basis of profound intimacy is the degree that you are choosing to be with your woman. The first step then, is to be real
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with yourself about how much you are inspired to give your all with the woman you are with. Ask yourself these questions: On a scale from 1 to 10 how close is she to your ideal? On a scale from 1 to 10, how much are you choosing her? On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you trust her? On a scale from 1 to 10, how much would you risk your life to protect her? Once you have clarity about your current level, level you can then consciously push these levels further as you interact with your woman. You might also discover that this might not be a woman who you can fully choose, at which point you have the choice of letting her go, or to consciously acknowledge that you want to create a lighter lover relationship with her and give your all within that space in creating pleasure together. Don’t underestimate the power of being totally authentic and clear about what you are creating with your woman. Like I said before, even a level 7 or 8 on the intimacy scale when consciously amplified, can be the best sex she has ever had. If you feel like there is the potential for you to choose her even deeper and give even more of yourself, then give your all to the process because the profound intimacy will be directly correlated to the amount of pleasure that she can experience with you. 203
Once you have gotten clear about the level you are choosing her, then you can continue to deepen your connection through sharing your vulnerabilities in an empowering way. If you have done the exercises in this phase, then you will have found instances in your past or present patterns where you can be triggered in being anxious, nervous, worrisome, afraid, embarrassed, hurt, defensive, etc. Through doing the exercises you will begin to transform these patterns and find the gifts or develop the courage to face your challenges and choose your power in transcending disempowering emotions and beliefs. If you haven’t done the exercises, do them now and find 3 past experiences or triggering patterns and begin to transform them by finding counterexamples of people who have had the same challenges, but who easily overcome them, or by embodying the opposite of your current limiting belief and integrating that perspective in your body. Then, share these more vulnerable experiences and patterns with your woman with the frame of how you can now celebrate them or are in the process of transforming them. When you share with vulnerability, you can deepen your connection with your woman considerably. Ask her to share in the same way and create the safe space where she can reveal herself more fully, and you will be the grounded pillar to adore her in creating profound intimacy. In a similar vein, whenever she is caught in an emotional storm, see it as a call for love and let go of any judgments or taking her outbursts personally, and just hold and love her for where she is. From here, direct your mind with adoring questions like, “How is she extraordinary?”, “How can I serve to bring out her best?”, and “What do I 204
love about her?”. Shower and infuse her with your adoration and tell her what you find amazing about her. With all these foundations in place, lead her in long and deep eye gazes and then relish her as you kiss her. Model her kiss to give her the reflection of how she loves to be kissed for awhile before leading her in exploring the variety of kisses that I have gone over in this phase. Use your touch to stroke her hair, head, and face while continuing to add to the marvelous art of kissing her. Take your time and enjoy the continuous building of your profound intimacy while enjoying the pleasures of making out with each other for a seeming eternity.
Stage III Communion We are now at the final stage in the relationship dance, the communion stage. The first stage of attraction is masculine in nature, where you are building tension, friction, fire, and magnetic attraction. In the second stage, connection, you are co-creating more feminine energy of comfort, depth, connection, vulnerability, flow, and love. Now we're entering the third stage communion and it is a combination of both masculine and feminine energies. During this stage, you want to bring the most brilliant part of your masculine passion and feminine flow into this culminating dance. Out of the depths of intimacy and connection, you have to re-ignite your masculine fire so that you bring the fullness of your passion and desire to serve her open even deeper. At the higher levels of love-making, you also 205
incorporate feminine merging, and the ultimate intention is to experience the ecstatic pleasure that naturally results from the union of both of your divine aspects, aspects merging into God, universal consciousness, and into the pure energy that you are circulating through each other. This stage is like boiling water. The water does not boil instantaneously. The steady heat that you apply slowly boils her desires until both of you are overflowing with so much passion for each other that you both as water vapors fly off and merge with the greater whole. You get to hone your ability and continue to increase the amount of energy you call forth and be able to funnel it as gently, smoothly, and gracefully as you can. You You are stoking the steady fires of passion until it becomes a conflagration that consumes you both in rapture. rapture. In this stage, you can incorporate more of your masculine energy and pull her and direct her more firmly into you as you kiss her and touch her. In the connection stage, your touch should be gentle like caressing the pedals of a flower. Now you have set the foundation for deep trust and intimacy, you can imagine having fire at the tips of your finger, igniting her desires desires with every touch. You are leading her by feeling into the desire and passion that you have for her and that she has for you. The way you touch her, the way you hold her, the way you begin to move toward more heat and passion will draw out moans, tremors, and extra sensitivities in various areas of her body, and she will become more and more aroused and excited. Go into the areas that you notice special sensitivities and amplify these areas to bring her even more pleasure.
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One of the main ways to move into the heat of passion from the depth of intimacy is with your kiss. You have already started a steady fire with your kiss and now you get to gently and slowly turn up the heat. Many times, she will actually lead in turning up the fire. When it comes to kissing, sometimes less is more. You can turn up the heat more by creating potent pauses and by lightly brushing her lips with yours while building the anticipation. Throughout this phase from foreplay to sexual exploration to communion, the kiss is the consistent lubrication that helps you move smoothly and glide ever deeper into sensual and sexual pleasures with each other. Kiss her to continually reestablish the depth of connection that you have which is the foundation for her profound pleasure, and use that foundation to build amazing mansions and castles of delight. Throughout this phase, practice the seeming paradox and the dichotomy of gentle strength, tender passion, and directed wildness. This communion stage is about the masterful combination of the most refined and powerful aspect of your masculine and feminine energies. When you hold her it can be with the utmost strength but it’s like cradling an egg where she is under the protection of your incredible masculine solidity. When you touch her, it’s as if you have the force of a nuclear bomb at your fingertips funneled as a slow potent stroke across her face. Keep in mind that most women on a primal level want to make love with an alpha male. That means that you get to embody the strong, dominant, and powerful man who can take them. You want to continue to up your masculine primal energy to increase your presence, strength, and power. All the while you temper temper all of this energy by having more and more finesse and mastery over you power and be able to funnel this energy to 207
open her heart, to draw out her feminine divine, to claim her to the core of her soul, and to merge with her into the divine. By continuously growing yourself in these seemingly dichotomous ways, you will become the most astounding gift for any woman. There will be tons of distinctions, exercises, and technical aspects on how to pleasure your woman beyond her wildest dreams throughout this stage. I have emphasized the underlying philosophy, mindset, and framework because these are the “unseen” energies that will add exponential power to any “technique”. In the end, techniques are simply stepping stones to mastering the art of being a complete lover lover where there is no longer any technique but just a natural ability to be so in tune with your Goddess that you know exactly how to bring forth her most exquisite, feminine, blissful, and ecstatic pleasure. There is no endpoint in your journey as a lover. The art of love will be a life long pursuit for me and I have the privilege of sharing with you what I have discovered so far. In the process of sharing, I have learned so much more and refined my abilities as a lover to a greater level. Have fun in practicing everything in this stage, and may your be pleasantly surprised at how much pleasure you and your woman get to experience.
Stage III Phase I Foreplay After co-creating and exploring the depth of intimacy, connection, sensual touch, and kissing, the next level of exploration that will continue to deepen your bonding is expanding into sensual and sexual play. The playful and pleasurable bridge into the sexual realm is often know as foreplay where
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you continue to build up the energy and passion that leads to sexual union and beyond. When you are transitioning into foreplay with a woman, realize that on a primal biological level this can be a “serious” decision for a woman. A man can biologically deposit his sperm and leave while a woman becomes pregnant with a child in a moment’s passion. Because of this, women have fine tuned their emotional sensors to intuitively feel into whether a man will stay around, whether his character is sound, and whether he is trustable and dependable. The same primal intuitive mechanism allows women to have deeper orgasms orgasms when she trusts a man, because biologically she retains more sperm when she has an orgasm. orgasm. A woman has more orgasms when she emotionally chooses and trusts a man enough to father her child. In light of this knowledge, you can see why I continually emphasize the importance of the connection stage and to embody a man who women can naturally trust. All this is so that she can open up to you for the right reasons and she can experience mind-blowing multiple orgasms and you can enjoy the satisfaction satisfaction when she looks at you with starrystarry-eyes eyes and tells you that you are absolutely incredible. This is not to say that you have to stay around to father every woman’s child, but it does mean that you get to be forthcoming about how you choose to relate with her. If you share with a woman that you are dating several women, she will trust you more than if you try to hide the fact. A year ago, I was seeing four women and all of them knew about each other. I am still with one of them who is my luscious girlfriend, and we have been monogamous for the past year. I am still friends with the three other 209
women. In fact, I just had lunch with one of them and had another over for a dinner party last week. I absolutely cherish the pleasurable interactions that we have had, and appreciate them as amazing and fun people that I enjoy in my life. I am sharing this aspect of my life so that you can understand that you can be a total open book and have as much sensual and sexual fun if that is what fulfills you. you. When the two of you know that you both just want to have fun, the energy can be absolutely amazing in the passion of the moment. The honesty and the respect that you set as the foundation of how you relate with women, and the gifts that you get to bring to enrich their their lives will create amazing friendships, lovers, and relationships for the rest of your life. I still get tempting offers for fun rendezvous although they are not suitable within the current agreement of my relationship. As you grow and embody the principles that I am sharing with you throughout the book, you are going to notice women magnetically drawn toward you and who you are continually evolving into. This is natural because they are picking up your growing ability to blow their mind with the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual gifts that you would bring them. With all this said, honor the aspects of your woman that has chosen to explore the amazingly beautiful realm of foreplay with you. The best way that you can appreciate her for perceiving and trusting the divine masculine with you is to choose her 100% and push the envelop of the degree that you open your heart to her. When you do this, the sensual play that you are about to engage in will take on completely different dimensions.
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One of the main keys that connect incredible lovers throughout the ages is that they put their lover's pleasure before theirs. Instead of needing and pushing to have sex right away which often stems from a fear that you won’t get any, incredible lovers tap into the part of you that knows that you are an amazing lover who leads her at the pace that she is comfortable with. With this mentality, you can then assume that a women’s whole body is an erogenous zone that you get to take you time in exploring, and stoke her fire through your communication, through your touch, through your breath, and through your heart. When you can train yourself to put your Goddess' needs, desires, and responses first, you set yourself up for much broader levels of pleasure than you may have known before. Practice and develop your ability to pay pay close attention to her responses, and notice what pressure, what location, location, and what ways you are touching her her that elicits the greatest pleasure. pleasure. Repeat and explore ways to continually amplify her responses through your touch, through adoring mental frameworks, through verbal appreciation, through opening your heart, and through your love, as you continue to honor, direct, mold, and play with lusciously dynamic sensual energy. Keep in mind the principle of two steps forward one step back to build dynamic tension within your play. Just as if you continue to amplify a sensation, as intense as the sensation is, it will begin to diminish a bit with time. In the same situation, if you back off just a tiny bit and then reintroduce that sensation, whether that sensation is in the form a touch, a kiss, or a thrust, then you get to continually ratchet up the feelings even more. This taps into the principle of fractionation where after a break, break, the sensation, depth, and pleasure can be amplified when reapplied.
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Know that most women are slow to heat up, so honor this fact, be patient, and enjoy the potent moments of exploration. Connection and love is what most women desire in the first place, and sensuality and sexuality can amplify the connection that women want most. Use your kisses as smooth transitions and a gauge. As your kisses becomes more passionate, allow yourself to move and undulate through the waves of sensations and play with the various arenas that I will go over in the detail. Explore her neck, ears, and face with light kisses and enjoy taking her in with all your senses including how she smells and tastes. Allow yourself to dissolve into the experience of merging together together until it becomes hard to tell where one begins and the other ends. ends. When you feel this intimate, the sexual union will only be natural because you are already feeling like you are one with each other. At this point, what would serve you would serve her, and what would serve her would serve you. Take your time and expand the level and depth of your connection through sensual play so both of you can feel into eternity. Allow for moments to gaze into each other’s eyes and pause to peer through the windows windows of her soul while communicating your desire, curiosity, passion, and depth through your eyes. Create the space where you are two souls coming together in this divine play. During the foreplay phase, your woman will likely want you to take the lead because social decorum still might dictate that if she is too forward, she might be called easy or a whore. I will be going over the gradual steps of escalating foreplay so that you can be confident in knowing exactly where to go next while honoring her comfort level in the moment. Within this dynamic, you become the sailboat sailboat and she is the wind and you are steering and directing the boat all the while utilizing her energetic swells to 212
move you forward in this dynamic interplay. Honor the Goddess aspect in her all the way through, and she will get to trust you more and more as you delve deeper and deeper into this beautifully dreamy, pleasurable, and passionate realm of foreplay.
Key Points within Foreplay An overarching theme throughout the book has been to steer away from the mentality of what you can get from her as well as the goal orientation of getting her into bed while placing an emphasis on what you can give and how you can honor and serve your woman. Remember the principle of serving your woman woman as we move through the phases of communion since the tendency to think with your cock will probably get stronger. It is not about toning this energy down, but rather funneling this passion for your woman to serves her open to her greatest pleasures. With this in mind and before I go into the distinctions and major parts the body to explore and how to smoothly transition between each, I will go over some additional key points to keep in mind as you practice the art of foreplay with your woman. 1 Stay Playful As the heat gets turned on, one of the most important things is to introduce play, because sometimes the energy gets so serious that the passionate fire will get squelched a bit or her feminine flow might be stopped by the intensity of what is happening between the two of you. Remember the principle of two steps forward one step back so that you get to continually ratcheting up the desire, passion, arousal, and pleasure
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in both of you while using play as the fun pull back before springing forward forward to more juicy explorations. There is a fine line between diffusing the energy because it is getting too intense and playfully transforming the energy to another level. The former is because you do not think you can contain the energy, while the latter is a conscious directing of the energy. Be creative in your play. Introduce whipped cream and foods to your sensual exploration. Make up games like tracing the alphabet with your tongue on her belly button. Tell fun stories about your first kiss, or how you found out about masturbation. Tease her and tickle her. All of this transforms any tension into flow and will allow the fire and passion between the two of you to grow to incredible levels of pleasure. 2 Use Your Eyes to Create Magic Your eyes are the windows to your soul and there is so much that your soul has to offer your woman. Take brief pauses and simply look into her eyes deeply. These moments of silence and of pure being will serve to increase the depth and connection that you have established with each other. Lead her into eye gazing, and if she looks away, bring her back. Gaze into her eyes and lead her into the depth that you want to create with her. If you do this properly, the amount of opening and orgasmic pleasure will increase exponentially later on. Use your eyes to convey messages that will continue to lead her into her feminine divine. Gaze aze into her eyes in a way that tells her that you desire her with all of your being. Practice saying I want you with your gaze. Check in the mirror, how would you tell yourself that “I love you” with your eyes? How would you look at someone if you were completely certain that in this moment that there is no other place in the world that 214
you would rather be. How would you look at someone if you would risk your life for them? How would you look at someone if you feel utterly inspired by them? Convey all of this through your eyes. Convey the fact that you want to take her. Once again, maintain the passion, then back off, play, tease, and tickle her a little bit before turning the heat back on and gift her with your divine gaze. 3 Arouse Her Emotions Emotions A woman’s physical opening and pleasure is inextricably tied to her emotions. If you want to arouse her, arouse her emotions. You can do this through your gaze, your touch, your presence, your energy, your words, and your emotions. One of the most effective ways to arouse a woman is through deep connection and love. The more intimate you are with your woman and the more love there is flowing between the two of you, the more she will naturally open to you and tap into this reservoir of emotional energy that will fuel her endless ecstatic pleasure. Everything that you can convey with your eyes you can also convey physically through your your touch in a way that tells her that you trust, desire, and choose her absolutely in this moment which will arouse her emotions through connection and love. Emotionally, you can convey your passion for her by feeling the emotion you want her to experience and just holding her close. Women are extremely sensitive, and this level of physical transmission of energy and emotional communication can blow her mind. You can also communicate your emotions through words and tell her how incredible she feels against you. Tell her how good she smells and how much that makes you want her. Being able to communicate your turn on is an amazing skill to have. You can arouse her mentally through words 215
as well and it is one of the most incredible tools to serve your Goddess open to the divine, because it amplifies the experience you are co-creating and funnels the focus of the experience into the pleasure you are leading her into. Words also can place attention in places that she is not even aware of and open doorways to exquisite feelings that she has not explored. Find out what truly fulfills her. Find out what her fantasies are. Find out what an ideal lover is to her and what to be, do, and say to amplify that. Tell her in the moment the pleasure that you feel in holding her, where you feel that, and make sounds of your pleasure. It is so important for a woman to feel truly desired, desired so convey this is any way possible and she will be aroused by your passion for her. 4 Appreciate Her Her As I mentioned in earlier sections, appreciation is one of the most incredible skills that you can develop. During sexual exploration, appreciation expands the juicy energy that is already there so that you can both experience more pleasure. Appreciation also opens your woman up to receive your desire for her. Share any luscious emotions that you feel in the moment. If you feel really connected with her, tell her about it and appreciate how she has helped create it. If you think any part of her body is just so sexy, beautiful, and sensuous, then tell her in detail what you love. Sometimes we are trained to hold back in this society because it keeps us “safe” but unfulfilled in our shells. Train yourself to be expressive and appreciate your woman. See her as a work of art. Tell her what curves, what shapes, and about the smoothness of the skin and parts of her body that really turn you on. Tell her about a part of her personality that is 216
so naturally beautiful to you. Be genuine in your appreciation. Use your appreciation to blossom her like a flower ready to open. Use your appreciation to move her past her insecurities and open up to her feminine flow. Use your appreciation to magnify the bliss that the two of you are sharing together. 5 Take Your Time Have you ever heard of any woman complain that there was too much foreplay? There’s my point. Create the spaciousness to explore her for hours without the need to achieve anything, prove yourself, and get anywhere. Her body will naturally lead you further along the sensual and sexual exploration path when she can’t contain her fire and passion for you anymore. Even then, create some more tension until her fire consumes both of you. This might takes some practice because men are usually more impatient than women to engage in the sex act. Allow yourself to relish in the sense of being infinite with her and the pleasure of just kissing and touching her for hours. Most women take awhile to warm up, but once she is hot, she is hot! Take your time to simmer in the heat between the two of you. In the sexual exploration phase, one of the principles that many great lovers have in common especially when it is the first time connecting sexually is to give the woman 11-3 orgasms before entering her. Depending on the woman, that first orgasm might take 20 minutes or more. Many men would consider 20 minutes before her first orgasm a long time, but long compared to what? A football game takes 2+ hours so 20 minutes for the first quarter should be considered extremely short. Furthermore, once she has had a few orgasms she will be so open, blissful, and ecstatic that it is only natural that she makes you a very happy man, 217
but I am getting ahead of myself. My point is to take your time, have fun exploring her in every possible way, and learn to turn on the heat steadily and be the most exquisite lover she has ever had. 6 Share Your Your Fantasies Fantasies Find out what your woman’s fantasies are. This is a pretty intimate level of sharing because there might be some fantasies that she may or may not feel like you can accept. If you have built the proper foundation during the connection stage, then enough trust should have been established for you to venture into this amazing arena. Continue to develop yourself as a man who can love her through any and all of her fantasies. There might be some edges that you are uncomfortable with initially, but don’t ever make her wrong or judge her for her fantasies. See her fantasies as gifts that you can give her. Remember that Christmas toy that you really wanted and you actually got? That’s what fulfilling her fantasies can feel like for her. Getting a Lego set, Transformers, or a water gun might seem silly now, but in the moment it was better than an orgasm. Give your woman what she wants and view her fantasies as opportunities for you to serve her in exploring hidden realms of what she needs. You get to be the pillar of love that allows her to explore these hidden realms. The explosive energy that comes from trusting you this much while having you show up to support her in her fantasies can be immensely pleasurable. Share “small” fantasies with each other first and make it happen. She might want to make love in nature, dress up in interesting roles, pretend that you guys are back in high school, have you talk dirty to her, tie her 218
up, slap her ass during love making etc. Remember, you can lead her into her fantasy just through your words, so if she wants to be a college cheerleader and you the Quarterback, you can be an actor and tell her how distracted you were when you saw her on the sidelines, or how you have had a crush on her since the first day of pre-season, etc. Create her fantasy realm, play, explore, and open doors with each other, and you will co--create countless fun, pleasurable, and exciting experiences to delight all your senses.
Areas to Explore within Foreplay We are now going to get into the details of what areas to explore within the foreplay phase. I am going to share with you each of the areas in detail so that you can take the proper time to explore these with your woman. I will go over transitions, techniques, and mindsets to have as you explore each arena within foreplay. Later on, when the two of you decide to make love, you can continue to apply all the distinctions that I will be sharing with you here and make the sexual experience that much more colorful. In the profound intimacy phase, we left off at co-creating the most mindblowing and delicious kiss with her and this is where we will begin. Becoming Becoming an amazing lover is not about having more techniques than anyone else. In fact, jumping from one technique to another or one position to another will usually turn a woman off because it will general miss the essence of what fulfills women which is deep connection and love. Passionate fire will arouse her and deep love will satisfy her to the core. Remember that love and connection is what deeply fulfills women as you 219
go through each of the areas of exploration in foreplay so that you get to infuse these energies all along the way. Here is the core question you can ask your self, “is this exploration bringing me closer to my woman emotionally or taking me further away?” With the intent of creating ever deeper emotional opening within your woman, explore what graceful symphonic music you can create with all the areas that I will be going over with you. See how smoothly you can transition and dance from one area to the next while creating the most exquisite painting of pleasure with your palette of touch, emotions, and words. words.
Exploring Her Face In the profound intimacy phase of the connection stage we went over the marvelous variations in kissing and in modeling her kiss to bring both of you the most exquisite experience possible. Kissing will be a foundational part of foreplay as you expand your sensual explorations with each other. You can be kissing her while exploring any and all of the areas that we will going over. In fact, this will add to the potency of any touch. Making out for hours hours is a part of foreplay so just take you time and enjoy. When you are kissing, you are already engaging her face, so our explorations will start here. During the kiss, I went over the variations of how the two of your lips and tongue can intertwine. Now we will expand the way you kiss her and expand your kisses to include the rest of her face. As you touch her tenderly with your fingers, you can now incorporate your lips as part of your touch. You can enjoy kissing many
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areas on her face from her cheeks, cheeks, forehead, nose, eyebrows, temple, eyelashes, eyelid, chin, chin, etc. Kissing and touching any of these areas can be an expression of your affections for her. The tenderness and the energy of love can be transferred through your lips and touch to show her the degree that you choose her and desire her. Experiment with transitions where you kiss her lips while gently touching the back of her head and then kiss her eyelids before using your nose to nuzzle against her before beginning to kiss her again. Allow yourself to take in the full pleasure of kissing each other and breathe into the delightful sensations as you gently nuzzle her face with your own before pulling her closer to you as you stroke the sides of her cheeks lightly with your fingertips. You can then look deeply into her eyes and kiss her again. You can explore each other for hours just through the kiss while exploring and transitioning between various aspects of the face. Take you time and just enjoy.
Exploring Her Ears The ears are a super sensitive area on a woman. In fact, it is an erogenous zone that can really get the juices flowing for your woman. Since you are already kissing her and drawing forth pleasure from various parts of her face, exploring her ears is a natural part of that expanded exploration. As you kiss her cheeks gently, you can move a bit further back and begin to explore her ears with your lips. You can begin by kissing her earlobes earlobes and perhaps even introduce a little tongue if you feel like she is comfortable as you lick her earlobes and suck on them a bit. Since 221
women read into everything, here is your perfect opportunity to show her what you would do with her clit with your mouth as you tease her earlobes. You can nibble on her ear lobes softly and then take them inside your mouth while making circles with your tongue. You can even gently bit them or pull on them before you lick them again and let them go. Then, go on to explore the edges of her ears and also behind the ear. While your mouth is playing with one of her ears, use your fingers to explore the other ear. Some women absolutely love to have you explore the inner parts of their ear with your tongue while others don’t like it as much. Just be sensitive to your woman’s responses because you are serving her in opening to as much pleasure as possible and every woman is different. Don’t assume anything, just be present present and notice her responses and lessen the ones she doesn’t like and amplify the ones she likes. You're drawing out the feminine flow within your Goddess. You are using the ears as one of the many channels to do this. Remember your intention of serving her and the benefit that you will reap will be enormous. So continue to kiss, nibble, lick, and use your teeth gently on all parts of her ears. Play with the contours on the top of the ear as well. When done properly, she will be melting in your arms while you explore her ears and soft moans and sighs will be escaping her mouth involuntarily. When you return to kissing her lips from her ears, the energy and pleasure will be that much more enhanced. You can be making out this way for the bulk of a sunny afternoon or a sultry evening so take the time to relish in the experience. Nowadays in our society, we can get so busy that time is not set aside for these amazing experiences. Kissing and its extended explorations are some of the most pleasurable ways to connect with your woman as well as taking a 222
pause to talk about things that have deeper meanings for us. As you explore all the curves in the inner ear, outer ear, behind the ear, etc., remember the variations of taking her upper lip versus lower lip into your mouth, kissing with both lips, kissing with a more open mouth, and the variations in French kissing and dancing with your tongues so that you are creating art out of your erotic interplay.
Exploring Her Neck Now that we have explored all aspects of the head, face, and ears while kissing, let’s move down a litter further to include the neck. Kissing the neck can add so much to the foreplay dynamic because it is such a sensitive and erogenous zone for most women. If you have gotten this far, you should have created enough trust and connection for her to trust you to elicit all the pleasure out of exploring her neck. On a primal level, to let you explore her neck takes a lot of trust and intimacy. In the animal realm, for example, dogs or wolves will show their neck when they are submitting to another. When animals are hunting, they will go for the neck for the kill. That's where the jugular vein is. Similarly, women who allow you to explore her neck are on some level exposing and trusting you with one of the most sensitive parts of her body. body. Honor her trust and approach gently and tenderly at first before exploring with more passion. As you make out with her, kissing her lips, stroking her hair, nibbling her ears, and kissing her face, you can smoothly transition to her neck. Take a deep breath in and smell her at her neck. Smelling is a very primal way to connect. Smelling each other activates the usually unconscious 223
attraction of pheromones that can generate incredible passion with one other. A lot of women will go crazy when you take the time to smell her, putting your nose close to her neck and taking a nice long breath in. If you like the way she smells, tell her and take in another long deep breath of her essence. The act of indulging in her smell is such a this.. powerful activator that many women will want to jump you right after this Accentuate the aspect of smell as you kiss her neck and you will add a lot of delicious dynamics that will help you continually build up fervent passion for each other. As you explore her neck, you can begin by nuzzling various parts of the neck with you nose, running your nose down and smelling her all over. When you do this properly, you will feel heat emanating from her neck. When the moment is right, you can begin kissing her along the sides of her neck. Take you time. Make sure she is fully comfortable with you exploring her neck, and if she shows any signs of being too ticklish, retracting her neck, or being a bit tense, then back off. The timing is either not right yet, or you may be being too rough, or the area is super sensitive and needs to be approached even more slowly and with more tenderness. She will let you know that she enjoys the sensations by opening her neck neck up to you, closing her eyes, gasping gasping, ing, sighing sighing, ing, or moaning moaning at the delight of this new sensation of your soft lips on her tender neck. After you explore the sides of her neck with your lips, move all around her neck, as well as kissing the area near her collar bone and alternate between kissing, smelling, licking, nibbling, and touching to find out her most preferred location and the way she likes to be explored. Also, include the region where her neck connects to the shoulder blade as well as the area right next to the Adam’s apple and discover what she enjoys the most. 224
Remember, every woman is different in her her sensitivity and in the areas that turns her on the most, most so be an explorer and treasure hunter for her pleasure spots. If you haven’t done so already, you can use your tongue to lick over the most sensitive regions on her neck and both enjoy the spine tingling sensations that generates. You can alternate between kissing, licking, smelling, and nuzzling the various areas of her neck all the while stroking her head, hair, face, ears, and lips before returning once again to the neck. When you feel like she is opening more and more to your explorations of her neck, you can use your mouth to create a bit of suction and perhaps use your teeth to nibble ever so slightly on her neck. Do this as gently and tenderly as you can at first and calibrate her responses and whether she enjoys the sensation or not. Once again, alternate between kissing her lips, face, and using your lips, tongue, nose, and face in a full dance with her neck. Find areas that you have yet to explore like underneath her chin, around the Adam's apple, and also the back of the neck. Relish and enjoy the energy of simply adoring her. Pay attention attention to the sensitive spots on her neck where she gets most titillated, where she shudders a bit, where she sighs a bit, and where her breathing changes. Give her the gift of amplifying these spots because these are some of the key points in helping draw out her feminine flow and pleasure.
Consciously Incorporating Touch as You Kiss Her
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Consciously incorporate touch while you are kissing her lips, cheek, nose, ears, and neck can add a whole new dimension to the level of interconnectedness and pleasure that you can experience with your woman. As you are kissing her lips and transition smoothly to her neck and ears, you can support her head from the other side with your hands so that she feels held while kissing. You can then use your fingers to lightly stroke and massage and caress her, almost like a jellyfish as it moves its tentacles in and out. You want to do this slowly and sensuously as if you are caressing and appreciating a priceless piece of sculpture. You can also hold the back of her head with both hands while kissing her lips and from there massage the back of her head and neck. Head massages should become a regular part of your interactions with your woman as a way to connect, to deepen intimacy during foreplay, and to increase the level of pleasure in sensual and sexual play. It can activate so much amazing sensations in the body and can open up energy channels that would be previously untapped. Take your time as you massage all areas of her scalp. Overload her senses while giving her multiple sensations including kissing her while exploring her neck with your tongue while caressing her head and neck with your hands. Explore the kinds of touch she is most receptive to and vary the rhythm, pressure, and location that bring her the most pleasure. Once you have discovered her specific pattern of pleasure, amplify that pleasure so that both of you get to have an even more juicy experience. Try tracing over the back of her neck lightly with your fingers, lifting up gently through her spinal column while you are kissing her. This can really send electric shocks down her body.
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Use your fingers to gently trace over her face, cheeks, eyebrows, forehead, lips, chin, and neck as if you are stroking a feather or petals of a rose or flower. You can also trace the shapes of her ears including the back, inside, and topside of the ears using the thumb or forefinger and middle fingers to slowly glide downward. This can be incredibly sensuous especially if you are transitioning smoothly with your kisses. Remember also to use long strokes to caress her hair or perhaps even pull gently at the base of her hair while you incorporate all the touches and kissing. Pretend you are the master composer or conductor coordinating instruments in an orchestra to create the most incredible symphony of pleasurable sounds. Rather than having just a solo violinist play which can be amazing, but when you punctuate the solo violin with the entire symphony of instruments you add so much more dimensions, contrast, and harmonics that make the sound and sensual experience that much richer. Experiment with different combinations as you touch all around her face from her cheeks, to the bottom of her jaws, to her neck, to the head, to the scalp, to the back of neck, to the ears while kissing her lips. Incorporate kissing her ears and nibbling on her earlobes while kissing and perhaps gently licking her neck and any of the possible delightful combinations at your leisure. Create your own symphony of pleasure with her.
Using Touch to Arouse the Rest of the Body As you are practicing the smooth transition between kissing her and touching her face and neck area, remember to take you time and really enjoy the process. If you truly enjoy and develop a way to find pleasure in 227
this level of intimate foreplay, then you are going to accelerate your process in reaching certain mastery as a lover. Giving you a roadmap to the areas to explore and ways to explore them will allow you to more easily discover the fine intricacies that can elicit the most exquisite pleasure for both you and your woman. Now we are going to begin to explore the rest of the body and integrate them into our foreplay so that you can tap into the amazing and sometimes hidden erogenous zones that can powerfully increase her pleasure. I am going to give you an order through which to explore the rest of her body because there are natural progressions to where most women feel most comfortable in opening up to you. These are not hard and fast rules, but rather useful guidelines to be aware of so that you are making sure that she is comfortable and relaxing into your touch before moving onto a perhaps more “charged” area. I will go over some distinctions on each of these areas as you explore her lower back, stomach, legs, butt, breasts, inner thigh, and vagina or yoni. I will mainly refer to the vagina as the yoni from now on because in the Tantric tradition it is a Sanskrit word that translates as “divine passage” or “sacred temple”. Perceiving the vagina as sacred and divine will allow you to cherish it with the adoration, attention, and love that this beautiful aspect of your Goddess deserves. Furthermore, when your woman feels this level of honoring from you, you will naturally draw out the most divine feminine aspect of her and she will then blow you away with the amount of pleasure that you can co--create together. Remember as you touch her that you can calibrate whether whether she is comfortable with you touching the various areas in her her body by seeing and feeling whether she can relax into your touch. These signals include 228
closing her eyes, heavier breathing patterns, gasping, sighs, parting of her lips, smiling, leaning into your touch, etc. If she tenses up or starts to show signs of discomfort of any kind, then back off the touching and look into her eyes, kiss her gently on the forehead, smile and laugh, or hold her close to you. Always pay attention to how she is reacting to your touch. Let her be your guide to her ultimate pleasure. If you look, listen, and feel with enough sensory acuity, she will reveal to you the exact way to take her to her most open pleasurable, and rapturous bliss possible. While you are touching her body, remember to incorporate and practice everything you have learned in the connection stage and deepen the level of intimacy and emotional connection you have with your woman. Touch her with the intention of showing her the level of your attraction, attraction, care, care, adoration and love that you have for her. her. This will intensify her experience of your touch because you are communicating these subtle energies and infusing these delightful and deepening qualities through you touch. She will pick it up and get more turned on without fully “understanding” why other than she must be really attracted to you and that what the two are of you are co-creating together in this foreplay dance is absolutely magical.
Exploring Her Lower back You have been learning about kissing and caressing her face, ear, and neck. Now we are going to continue to explore the rest of her body and incorporate more and more sensations. If you can overload her senses with pleasure, you are serving her by opening up her neurology to receive more and more openness and pleasure in her body. This will ultimately
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allow her to open up to the vibration of the divine as you take her to higher and higher levels of bliss. We will now begin to explore the lower back and how it can continue to increase the amount of pleasure that you get to bring to your woman. The lower back is one of the more neglected areas in the human body, and a lot of women will hold tension here. It is traditionally associated with the first chakra of survival, and it's the support and the base of the whole spine and the whole body. Many times, when women are under stress, stress, tension is stored here, and there will be energy blockages in the lower back which then subsequently won’t allow the fullness of her sensual and sexual energy to flow. A few gentle strokes at her lower back can allow any tension and blocked energy to release just a bit and help her relax and begin to open her body. When you are able to stroke her lower back in a way that conveys your caring and adoration for her as you are kissing her or as you're nuzzling her cheeks, it will help her to continue to open up to you. Play with the various amounts of pressure, touch, and location around the lower back. Explore the sides of the back near the waist all the way to the bottom of her back near the top of her buttocks, and then back up her spine. Experiment with circular motions of small circles and big circles, clockwise and counterclockwise. Use your thumb, various fingers, or your whole hand. Also, use horizontal or vertical strokes as well as tracing patterns around her lower back. Touch her back while you're kissing her, while the two of you are just eating, or hanging out watching a movie on the couch. Pay attention to the various responses that you get as you touch the various parts of her 230
lower back. One of the keys to being a great lover is to really pay attention to her responses. If you discover a really sensitive zone for her around her lower back, you will have discovered a key to her arousal that you can use to continually serve her open to her pleasure potential. Pay attention to the stroke, pressure, and location that elicits the most sensuous response from her whether it’s a gasp, moan, sigh, or shiver. Try super light touches over her lower back. The muscles there are more sensitive than you think, and touching her lightly there can make the sensations even more amplified. Later in the sexual exploration section, we will talk about how touching the clit lightly can have the same amplifying effect. You can start practicing this type of light, sensitive strokes on her lower back, the type of light touch that will have her aching for you to touch her deeper. Having her lower back stroked is a sensation that can have her totally melt in your hands. By giving loving and nurturing energy to the lower back, you will be helping your woman relax into the divine Goddess that is inside her. Her relaxation is the foundation through which she gets to open and surrender into your masculinity. Relaxation is also linked to the level that she can trust you which is then linked to how much she can open up to you in having incredible orgasms. One of the key points of the lower back is where the tail bone resides, close to her buttocks. Whether it is spoken or not, when you get close to where the cheeks of her butt meet, and close to her “anus” there is a building of sexual tension. The anus is a highly charged “taboo” spot and I would not touch her there in foreplay, but going close to this spot can build up her arousal. If she can relax and trust you while you get close to this taboo spot, then you have just created even more intimacy with her. 231
Just the anticipation of the possibility that you could touch her there can arouse her to no end. end. Another aspect of coming close to spots that are “taboo” is that we all want to be so comfortable with our lover that there is nothing left to hide, nothing left to be afraid of, nothing left but to surrender into the pleasure of the moment because because we trust them so much. All of us on some level all seek the ultimate union of this Shiva/Shakti, divine male/female energy in discovering our orgasmic potential in this level of total opening with one another. By circling her lower back, you will also continue to slowly turn on the heat of her kundalini, and help this sexual/spiritual energy rise from the base of her spine. You can intentionally come really close to her butt, and then back off. This once again taps into the concept of fractionation where the energy gets more intense as you take two steps forward and one step back. You can even take a break by looking deeply into her eyes, kissing her gently, nuzzling your nose into her neck, all the while supporting and keeping your hand still at her lower back. On top of touching her lower back, explore all aspects of kissing and touching her face, head, ears, and neck. Take your time to connect with her by complementing her on an aspect of her presence, body, and personality that you really love, enjoy, and appreciate. Take regular breaks from the building of the physical kinesthetic tension and arousal that naturally occurs when we are touching each other so that the next time you melt her with your touch it is that much more delicious. One way you can take a break as I mentioned earlier is to just hold your hand at her lower back for awhile. It can be really soothing for a woman 232
to just feel the support of your hands on her lower back. This once again tells her kinesthetically that she can relax into you and use your support as part of her spine. This allows her to be more and more in her feminine self and temporarily let go of her need to rely on herself and on the masculine capabilities she has developed in order to survive in the world. When you can act as her spine in supporting her, relaxing her lower back, and combine that with the powerful sensual pleasures from kissing and exploring her face, head, hair, ears, and neck, it will catapult both of you into tapping incredible incredible amounts amounts of juicy, passionate, and delicious erotic energy that are available to you.
Exploring Her Her Stomach Once you have incorporated touching her lower back into your repertoire of foreplay, it is now time to explore her stomach as part of the sensual play. Transitioning from her lower lower back to her stomach can be a natural move that goes from one erogenous zone to another. A woman’s stomach is another area that is perhaps one of the more neglected regions in the sensual dance. It is an amazingly sensitive spot on her body that can help her further relax into you and arouse her. The stomach is the nurturing, reproductive, and creative part of a woman that sometimes holds so much judgment and tension. It is one of her most feminine aspects and yet so often judged harshly or stringently so that she shuts off one of the most feminine aspects of herself from fully flowing. Many women are uncomfortable with the social image of her stomach so if you can lead her to be comfortable while you explore the curves of her stomach, melting away the need to suck in, the need to be “perfect” on the body level, and lead her to feel accepted just the way she 233
is, is then you are well on your way to co-creating an amazing alliance with her in loving herself fully. Through your caring touch, she can dissolve the dam of judgments and tensions that may have been built up in her stomach and begin to allow herself to flow her energy more fully. This part of her body carries so much creative potential that it can actually create life itself. When her own feelings of attraction, acceptance, and openness expands because of how you are leading her, she will be able perceive you as an anchor to her most divine feminine self and open to you not only physically, but also emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. When you have your hands rested at her lower back, you can gracefully glide your hands to the front side of her body. First just rest your hands on the side of her stomach and gauge her reaction as you transition to lightly touching her stomach. If she tightens up, then stop, or perhaps glide your hands back to her lower back, or reach up to stroke her hair a bit, hold her hands, or kiss her. When she is relaxing more into you again, you can rest your hands on her stomach and wait until she relaxes. Once she feels receptive, you can slowly, softly, and gently stroke her stomach in a jelly fish tentacle like motion moving back and forth. Do this with as much intention of caring for her, nurturing her, and adoring her. You can experiment with different ways of touching her stomach by moving back and forth, in small circles, or in larger circles. You can play with transitions from circular circular strokes to short strokes and broad strokes. strokes. Experiment also with horizontal, vertical, and various patterns. Like the lower back, play with different timing timing of speed as well as pressure all the while gauging her reactions so that she is getting the maximum relaxation and pleasure out of your touch. 234
Take your time and use the tips of your fingers to move ever so slowly across her stomach. You can also knead her stomach a bit in a loving manor. Grow into your ability to stroke her stomach and her lower back in a way that it becomes second nature to you so that you not only do this foreplay, foreplay, but whenever you are out and about with your your woman. This level of loving touch will increase the bonding, connection, and intimacy between the two of you immensely and serve you both in opening to each other sensually and sexually later on. When you become familiar with stroking her stomach, once again incorporate everything that we have gone over from stroking her lower back to exploring her head, hair, lips, neck, face, ears, etc. so that you are creating a symphony of sensations that move her steadily toward opening to having the most ecstatic pleasure with you.
Exploring Her Legs Throughout this book, I have shown you how to move progressively from areas that she is comfortable with you touching, to areas that she is still relaxing into. In this way, you can lead her steadily in her opening all the while respecting the pace that she is comfortable with. with. By making small, almost imperceptible advances in her comfort level, you can gauge every step of the way the level of trust and ease that she has with you, and not risk over stepping her boundaries because her body will give you signals to back off or to move forward. As you get more and more familiar with the system of reading her body language and mastering the art of sensual communication, you will be able 235
to continually lead her open to the divine feminine potential that she has. Remember to check in with yourself the level that you are choosing to play with this woman. Can you choose her fully? Are you able to give her your best? Are you leading her into something that you would both celebrate? Pause and address any spots that you are not fully comfortable with or may seem misleading. Do this with a level of clarity so that you can truly serve her, and your congruence and skill can take her to levels of sensual and sexual pleasure that she didn’t even think was possible. By reading and responding to her body properly, you are showing her that you are capable of leading her slowly open to her most delicious pleasure in a way that honors her every step of the way. You are demonstrating that you are sensitive enough to read every aspect of her body language and that you care about her enough to take her only as far as she is willing to go in the moment and at the pace that she wants to go at. Most women absolutely love sensuality and sexuality. They are simply waiting for a man who can take her and lead her strongly yet sensitively toward the opening and pleasure that she wants to experience. She wants to feel good about herself before, during, and after her sensual and sexual exploration with you. She already knows that sensuality and sexuality feels amazingly good, so what you are showing her through the way you touch her is that she can feel good and even proud about waking up next to a man like you. you. I have emphasized creating the most masterful way to lead your woman in her continuing sensual opening because we are now about to explore her thighs and getting closer to the sexual play arena of foreplay. After you have gotten her comfortable with you nurturing and adoring her stomach, 236
you can now expand that level of comfort, trust, and pleasure to include her thighs. When you are tenderly stroking your woman’s stomach, you can transition gracefully from the stomach and move your hands to trace the outer region of her upper legs and then slowly back to the stomach in a single smooth stroke. You can gauge whether your woman is comfortable with you now stroking her thighs by whether she stays relaxed and open to you as you slowly and lightly go over the outer parts of her thighs or whether she tenses and crosses her legs. As you lead her to beautifully erogenous areas like her thighs, you get to show her what an incredible lover you would be if she chooses to open up to you on that level. Before then, deliberately and consciously lead her in a way that shows her that you care about her, have her well being in mind, and that you like her so much that giving her pleasure would bring you immense joy. With all of this in mind, transition smoothly from touching her stomach and lower back to her outer thighs. Once again, when in doubt, move slower and softer than you think. You can always pause and just leave your hands on her thighs while savoring the incredible sensations of kissing her lips and continuing to explore her head, hair, face, ears, and neck. Take the time to continue to explore and deepen everything we have gone over. Once both of you have gotten comfortable with you resting and stroking her outer thighs, you can slowly transition from her outer thighs to her inner thighs. At this point, do not come any closer than two inches to touching her vagina or yoni otherwise you are probably moving too fast. 237
As the sexual heat builds, there will naturally be a tendency tendency to be moved forward at a faster pace driven by your passion and have the desire to just tear her clothes off and throw her down and have your way with her. Allow yourself to feel that passion and funnel all that energy into how you touch her. The sexual fire and tension that builds between the two of you will consume you in the most delicious ways possible and amplify and build the orgasmic potential within her. her. When you are gliding your hands around her inner thighs, slow down as you get closer to her yoni and let her anticipate you touching her there and build up the fire of anticipation anticipation level by level until she is burning for you. You can even have the intention of showing her how you would touch her yoni by the way you are touching her thighs and she will feel that thought! As you get to her inner thighs, you can lay your hands there, or move in slow circular motion before moving back out to her outer thighs and transitioning to her stomach, lower back, upper back, shoulders, and face. This will keep you from being inner thigh focused, and will continue to create amazingly delicious foreplay as you explore her lips, head, hair, face, neck, and ears as well as taking time to look into her eyes, appreciate her, and perhaps deepening your level of conversation while continuing to nurture her with your touch. From her thighs, you can also move down to her knees, the inside of her knees, her calves, and also massage her feet. For all of theses areas, explore different strokes, speeds, locations, and patterns. Play with using your individual fingers, opposing fingers, your palm, the heel of your hand, knuckles, forearm, as well as using, long, short, circular, horizontal, vertical, and varying patterns at alternating speeds and rhythms. Apply 238
these variations for every area on her body that you are choosing to explore so that you can discover the most exquisite combinations to bring out her most extraordinary pleasure. As you move down to caress her legs and feet, take a break from kissing her and just massage her feet for a bit. Women absolutely love foot massages. If you can give her an amazing foot massage, she will absolutely melt and worship you for it. Use a similar technique to when you were massaging her hands in the deepening connection phase. Use your thumb to gently knead into the arches of her feet. Use circular motions to go up and down her feet as well as long broad strokes to cover the length of her feet. Incorporate massaging her ankles as part of the foot massage and use similar techniques as you would massage her neck using the thumb opposed to the other fingers. Experiment also with just using the forefinger or middle finger. Take the time to focus on each individual toe and gently massage each one. Perhaps pull on each toe slightly with your fingers and also glide your fingers through the spaces between each toe. The foot can traditionally be considered dirty or smelly, so if you can cherish and adore her feet, many women will feel much more loved than if you cherish and adore her breasts which are “easy” to love. The attention and time that you spend on her feet as well as the rest of her legs will give her a preview of the level of attention, sensitivity, and touch mastery that you will have with her when you make make love to her. This will have her fantasizing about making love with you all the while engaging in foreplay with you. This level of fantasy, arousal, and build up will make the love making so hot that you will be surprised at the wild woman that arises from inside her. 239
Remember, take your time, you are in no hurry to get anywhere. You are having so much fun exploring her and coaxing the sensual Goddess inside her out to play that you can easily do this for hours. Transition from her feet to her thighs and linger a bit longer at her inner thighs to continue stoking the fire of sexual possibilities before incorporating the symphony of areas that we have covered so far.
Exploring Her Buttocks Once your woman is comfortable with you touching her all along her legs, her feet, and her thighs, you can now begin to explore the sensuous regions of her butt. Since you are entering an area that is moving you toward the sexual arena, you should approach in a more circuitous way in the beginning. You can start by gently exploring the region to the side of the upper thigh that turns into the butt. Alternatively, there is an area on the lower back that then turns into the butt. These are the areas that you will be exploring by making long broad strokes from the thighs and lower back and extending your touch into the buttocks area. After both of you are enjoying the exploration of these border areas of her butt, you can begin to glide your hands past her buttocks in a smooth transitional motion from her lower back, to her butt, to the underside of her thighs while kissing her at the same time. Move slowly and gently but deliberately and gauge her response to you touching the tops of her buttocks before moving to more sensitive curves toward the lower part of her buttocks.
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During the beginning of your explorations, do not grab or grope her butt because it would usually be too sudden of a move for her and detract from the sensual touching and trust that you have built up so far. I am leading you in way that has you learn the “fundamentals” of how to transition smoothly between the various erogenous zones on her body. After you have mastered these transitions, it is possible to “jump” levels and perhaps move fervently from kissing her, to pressing her up against a wall and passionate holding her ass and pressing her body against yours. If you do this smoothly and the attraction and connection is already well established, then she will love your dominance. If you are clumsy, trying too hard, or forcing yourself on her while you grab her ass, then you may have just ruined your chances of exploring the marvelous sexual realms with her. Remember, I am going over each step of the foreplay that gives you a solid basis in the fundamentals and the smoothest transitions from one erotic area to another so that with practice you can transcend these fundamentals and make art out of it. Now back to the beautiful work of art that is her buttocks. When she is comfortable with you exploring the upper section of her buttocks, buttocks, you can move progressively progressively to lower areas of her butt while exploring various ways of touching them including using just your fingers, using your full palm, making circular motions, or tracing various shapes with your hands. If she is comfortable, you can give her a massage on her buttocks by slowly pressing into the deeper muscle areas with your thumbs and giving the butt the gentle loving attention that it craves as opposed to the objectifying grasping that often occurs. Contrast the massage with gentle and almost imperceptible gliding over various regions of the butt. You can come dangerously close to touching her yoni from the back side before
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gliding back out again. Have fun teasing and playing with her in this most amazing area of her body. Once again, transition smoothly from the butt to her lower back, stomach, and legs while continuing to explore kissing her using your lips and caressing her with you hands to discover new combinations of drawing pleasure out of her face, head, hair, ears, and neck. Take your time, gauge her comfort level, and take breaks to look into her eyes or have amazing conversations. She might not be comfortable with you touching her inner thighs or buttocks until hours after you first kiss, so just enjoy the process and relish the vast pleasures that are in store for you in playing sensually with each other and have her amazing butt be an additional treat along the way.
Exploring Her Breasts We are now entering an arena of deep intimate foreplay so even more care and sensitivity needs to be taken to ensure that you have the proper transitions that flow seamlessly as we cross over to the ever deeper opening and exploration of both of your sensual and sexual possibilities. As you explore the breasts keep in mind that during foreplay, the more build up the better, the less direct the better, the longer the tease the better, and the more the arousal the the better. One of the qualities that distinguish a more refined lover from a more immature lover is the attribute of being able to harness the passion and pure animalistic energy and unleash it at the proper moment with grace, finesse, and conscious power. It is the similar to the refined control of a dimmer switch versus an on/off switch. 242
As you cross over to more erogenous territories, you want to progressively turn on more light just like a dimmer switch. If you took two minutes to move the light from being off to fully on, the difference from one second to the next is almost imperceptible. This is the effect that you are trying to emulate as you progressive turn on the light of pleasure inside your Goddess. As we approach the breasts, which can be an especially sensitive region on a woman, I will share with you how to approach this level of intimacy like a dimmer switch. There are several ways of circuitously approaching the breast in a way that allows you to cross over to this new territory of sensual exploration in a smooth manner. The first is that as you kiss her neck, ear, face, and lips while touching her back, lower back, stomach, thighs, and legs, you can begin to incorporate circling the center of her chest or brushing past the top of her breasts while kissing her. This is a loving way of touching her heart while kissing her and being more intimate and connected with her. Brush or glide your hands lightly over the top of her breasts and then hold her or pull her close to you by having your forearm across her breasts while you kiss her. Moving around her breasts allows her to get use to having parts of your body near her breasts and when she feels comfortable and can relax into you while you explore the periphery of her breasts then you can venture into lightly brushing past her nipples with the back of your hand or forearm as you lift your hands. At this point, do not yet linger on her nipples because as you first brush almost imperceptibly pass her nipples, yet.. she may or may not be comfortable with you fully exploring that area yet If you are simply brushing past, even if she is not initially comfortable, there is nothing to resist because your hand is no longer on her breasts. 243
This is a great way to get her used to you “touching” her breasts and nipples. Women are very sensitive, if you just brushed past her nipples, she will know that on some level you did it intentionally. You don’t need to play it off, in fact, it is probably better to have a wry smile to let her know that it was intentional. If she is not comfortable with you touching her breasts and nipples, her body will let you know. She will squirm uncomfortably, put distance between the two of you, have a slight frown, or tighten up. If she smiles, looks at you with a sparkle in her eyes, sighs, or moans, then she likes the fact that you are leading her into this territory. When her her body gives you the signal that she enjoys how your brush past her breasts or is relaxed with your lead, then you can continue to build up the anticipation for the next time you might brush past her breasts or nipples again. Build up the anticipation and wait a bit until you approach her breasts again. Take you time to kiss her all over and to massage and stroke her body with your hands. Explore her sensually by touching her neck, back, lower back, legs, thighs, and stomach. This time, you can approach the lower part of her breasts breasts from her stomach. As you are lovingly and gently circling her stomach with your fingers, you can lightly brush past the lower part of her breasts before circling back down to her stomach. You can do this with the back of your hand first before brushing her lower breasts with your fingers and then coming back down to caress her stomach. Remember to continue exploring various ways to kiss her while you are doing this and perhaps just resting your hands on her stomach for a bit. From the stomach, you can lightly glide your fingers across her breasts and nipples on your way to massaging her neck and stroking her hair, and 244
caressing her head while kissing her. Initially just glide past her breasts and nipples and do not linger there so that she can just get used to having your hands or fingers barely touching her breasts while eagerly awaiting you to touch her breasts more directly, but not knowing when or if you are going to go there. Glide past her breasts and nipples several more times with ample time in between to sensually explore kissing and caressing her all over. When you feel that her desire desire has boiled to a certain level which can be revealed within a range of responses from having her breath shorten, rolling her eyes upward, or moaning lightly when you brush past her nipples, then you can cup her breasts with your hands while continuing to kiss and stroke her. Smoothly move from cupping her breasts to lightly circling her nipples with the tips of your fingers back to gently cupping her breasts all the while kissing and caressing her so that you entire attention is not just on her breasts. Remember to move softly and gently at first and do not squeeze her breasts until the passion has built up to a level that would warrant that. From this point, you can use your fingers or the center of your palm to go slowly back and forth over the tips of her nipples while kissing, massaging, and stroking her to add to the incredible sensations. Circle both her breasts and trace various patterns with your fingers pausing occasionally to nibble on her neck, to massage her head, to stroke her thighs, or to look deeply into her eyes and connect. You have now moved onto the next level of sensual exploration when she comfortably relaxes into you exploring her breasts. Take your time to enjoy this new level of intimacy where she trusts you enough to explore this level of bodily pleasure with you. Even though both of you might be 245
turned on right now, do not be in a hurry to move to the next level, enjoy the build up, enjoy the tease, enjoy the exploration. You can continue to increase the level of intimacy that you have created thus far by reaching past or under her clothes in stroking her back, lower back and stomach and both enjoy the sensation of feeling her soft, tender, and bare skin connecting with your fingers. Once again, take you time to continue to explore kissing her and touching her in various ways and take two steps forward one step back as you steadily ratchet up the level of arousal with her. Once she is fully comfortable with you contacting her bare skin as you continue to make out and explore foreplay with her, you can move slowly to exploring her breasts over her bra. You can approach the bottom of her breasts from having touched her bare stomach before stimulating her nipples over her bra with your hands and fingers. Gauging her response, you can peel her bra back slightly to release her nipples from underneath and exploring them with your hands and fingers gently while continuing to kiss her and stroke her body all over. At this stage, depending on her level of comfort, you might not want to remove her clothes yet to caress her breasts because many women feel like she is committing to having sex with you once you start taking her clothes off. So leave her clothes on while you continue to explore this amazing new frontier. When you feel like she is really turned on, you can peel back her bra a bit from the top or the bottom and incorporate your mouth in stimulating her nipple area. First, just kiss all along the side, top, and bottom of the breasts. Kiss the areola area and then come back out and even go back up to kiss her lips. Going back down, you can lick the areola area lightly with your tongue before backing off a bit to explore the other areas of her 246
body. She will probably be gasping and moaning from the incredible sensations sensations of you stimulating her breasts and from the anticipation of you contacting her nipples with your tongue. Remember to tease her as much as you can. Women love to be teased and will worship you as someone who can take your time to elicit her maximum pleasure. Once you have kissed and licked her areola several times and gauged her body response to be primed for even more pleasure then explore licking, gently sucking, stretching, and gently biting her nipples while continuing to stroke the rest of her body. Pay attention to her responses to see where she desires to be lead next, next and use your fingers to play with her other breast while using your mouth to stimulate her nipples. Once she is really getting into having you pleasure her breasts you can unhook her bra and continue to explore her breasts with more abandon while smelling her, breathing her in and telling her what you love about her breasts. Women love compliments and thrive when you give them from a genuine place. When you have a pair of luscious breasts in front of you, it is easy to find what’s marvelous about them and verbally express it to amplify the pleasure that your Goddess is already having. Remember to come back to just kissing her lips, face, ears, and neck while exploring all parts of her body with your hands. When you feel into her and she is really getting into the passion of the moment, then you can take her shirt off to have unobstructed access to her full upper body while continuing to create the symphony of sensations incorporating everything that we have talked about thus far. Take your time and really enjoy this level of intimacy where she trusts you enough to let you explore her breasts in all ways. Have fun continuing to delve into the depths of 247
adding her breasts to your possibilities of foreplay and enjoy giving her the maximum pleasure through timeless, juicy, delicious, and blissful exploration of each other.
Exploring Exploring Her Yoni As we move toward the next level of intimacy in beginning to explore her yoni, remember to be patient. Now that you have entered a territory where your Goddess is comfortable with you exploring her breasts, don’t be in a rush to get to her yoni because any rush would take away from all the care, patience, and time that you have taken so far in drawing out her feminine flow. As you open into each new erogenous area in her body, add it to the symphony of sensory pleasures that you have already created so that you get to co--create sensations that have increasing amounts of depth, distinctions, and richness. Now that you have gotten her to a place where she is enjoying you pleasuring her breasts along with her head, neck, hair, ears, shoulders, back, lower back, buttocks, stomach, legs, thighs, calves, and feet, use your creativity and imagination to feel into what combinations would give her the most pleasure. As you continue to explore, you can now give a bit more attention to her thighs to gauge her comfort level as you come closer to her yoni. Glide seamlessly from her outer thighs to her inner thighs. Approach from the stomach and circle outward to the knees and then come back along the inner parts of her thighs. Circle slowly up her inner thighs and trace the bikini line languidly with with your fingers. After you have reached the top of her bikini line, come back across the lower part of her stomach around the top line of her pubic 248
hair. You can then circle to her lower back to her buttocks and explore the lower curve of her buttocks and get close to her yoni from the back side, tracing the very inner parts where her buttocks meets her inner thighs, but not quite touching the yoni yet. Glide slowly across these sensitive areas and then back out to the rest of her thighs, building up her anticipation. As you get closer and closer to her yoni, continue to read her body language to see whether she desires to be lead further into the sexual exploration. Many times, as you get closer, if she is ready, she will even thrust her hips into your hands. Build the anticipation and come ever closer to contacting her yoni before taking a step back to just kiss her, look deeply into her eyes, massage her all over, and perhaps share some intimate conversation before exploring her body sensually again. Remember to keep the the mind set of of having all the time in the world. You have no where to get to except right here being with your woman. Each progressive opening is a deepening and opening in your connecting with each other and a natural amplification of the pleasure that you get to experience with each other. As you continue to explore her thighs and buttocks, you can circle closer and closer to the edge of her yoni. Note Note her responses which should become become more and more intensified with heavy breathing, moaning, and slight shaking. shaking. Make sure you are getting her to this level of excitement and arousal before you gently brush your fingers lightly across her yoni over her clothes and then back out to explore the other areas of her body. Circle back and once again just brush lightly against her yoni with the tips of your fingers. If she arches her back, moans louder, and otherwise gives a positive response rather than tensing up, then you will know that she is
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ready for more. Either way, still go back outward toward her thighs, breast, stomach, neck, shoulder, face, and come back. Make several more direct contacts with her yoni and build up her responses before leaving leaving your hands cupping her yoni for a bit while reaching up to kiss her. If she allows you to leave your hand there while moaning, smiling, or looking into your eyes, then you know that she is beginning to be comfortable with you incorporating that area for amplifying your connection with each other and for both of your pleasures. From this point, you can begin to slowly and gently stroke directly across her yoni with your fingers over her pants or skirt. Continue to gauge her responses, because being present present and paying attention is one of the most important aspects of being a masterful lover. lover. You want to be moving at just the right pace to elicit the most exquisite responses out of her. Remember the fact that she desires pleasure just as much as you do, she just wants to know that you are the powerful yet sensitive man who she can trust to lead her there. Explore varying strokes including short, long, narrow, broad, vertical, horizontal, and circling at varying speeds and pressures over her yoni while continuing to kiss and stroke her all over. If she tightens up or clamps your hand down with her thighs, then she is not quite ready to go further. Take your hand away, or leave your hands still and relax while continuing to play and make out with her. If she is pushing against your hand or moaning into your touch then her body is expressing that she is ready for more. more. You can then proceed to explore her yoni underneath her pants or skirt but still over her panties. If she is wearing pants, you can reach under her pants or unbutton it to explore further.
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Once again, gauge whether she is comfortable with this new level of sensual exploration where you get to pleasure her by masterfully stroking and caressing her yoni across the thin layer of fabric of her panties. Also, pay attention to her bare inner thighs that you now get to savor. Take your time to stroke ever so gently across where her butt ends and her thighs begin right next to her yoni. Honor her for trusting and choosing to play with you this far, and take your time to continue to build arousal and explore her in a way that brings out new sensations of delight for her. Notice how during every section I have lead you to make the smallest advance possible so that you can gauge every step step of the way how comfortable she is with the level of physical intimacy that you are exploring. Even though you are now contacting her yoni over her panties, do not become overly yoni centered. As you explore how she most like to be touched on her yoni, with the various strokes, location, speed, and rhythm remember to continue to incorporate everything else that we have gone over in foreplay. As a rule, always go lighter and slower than you think. If you are going to explore her clit over her panties, then definitely go super light at first. Most women warm up slowly slowly even after a lot of foreplay. Since we are entering a new territory with her yoni, err on the side of being more sensitive and gentle. gentle. Once again, expand your touch and kisses to include all parts of her body. Stroke her hair, massage her head, lightly nibble on her ear lobes, and kiss her lips with artistry. If you are feeling into her arousal, you will know when she is getting to a fever pitch from the way you are masterfully touching her yoni over her panties. For most women, there can almost never be too much foreplay, 251
tease, and build up, up so tease her for longer than you think, and her level of pleasure will continue to escalate upward as her passions for you increase exponentially. When you feel her overflowing with passion, you can then gently, slowly, and tenderly reach underneath her panties to explore her bare yoni. Gauge her on her readiness, not your readiness. Remember to let her body tell you whether she is ready. Feel into her pleasure, not with your penis, but with your entire body so that you can lead her in a way that she fantasizes about being lead. Once she is getting to the level where she is comfortable with you touching her bare yoni with your hands, she is letting you into an extremely intimate and sacred territory, so adore her for showing you this much trust and funnel your primal energy and powerful presence into drawing out even more of her feminine possibilities. Move even slower and gentler initially when you first contact her bare yoni to feel into the moment. In fact, it would create some sizzling excitement to just rest your hands there without moving and have both of you feel her heat and moistness down there. Take in the difference between the skin of her inner thighs and the skin of her yoni. Gently stroke the pubic hair that she has around the yoni lips. Lightly stroke upward following the crevice where her two yoni lips meet before coming up to stroke her tummy gently and then come back down. Now that we have gotten to her bare yoni, we are moving out of the foreplay phase into the sexual exploration phase which we will cover thoroughly in the next section. In the meantime, relish the amazing pleasures that you are co-creating with your Goddess and use your imagination to implement foreplay into as much of “regular” life as 252
possible when you are hanging out with her, having a meal, walking in the park, etc. If you want to become masterful at the art of being an amazing lover, eat, eat, sleep, and drink foreplay because you can use a small look, a gesture, and a touch to turn any seeming mundane time that you are sharing with her into a charged, delicious, and potent moment of sensual delight. Even if you have been with your woman, lover, girlfriend, or wife for awhile, experiment with the transitions I have lead you through as well as the different strokes, rhythms, speeds, and locations while delighting her with your new awareness, smoothness, and subtleties of touch.
Action Steps for Foreplay From now on, take everything you have learned throughout the book and apply the principles of honoring, adoring, connecting, and loving your woman. Infuse the mindset of relishing and cherishing your Goddess into everything you practice and slowly integrate the technical aspects of your practice into who you are and turn it into the art of being an amazing lover. Practice does make perfect so just take your time to explore everything that I have gone over in the foreplay phase. Continue to kiss and make out with your Goddess while stroking and caressing her with varying strokes from short, long, narrow, broad, vertical, horizontal, circling, and tracing various patterns. Experiment with varying speeds, pressures, and locations that elicit the most exquisite responses from your woman.
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Move progressively and slowly incorporate areas of comfort into the foreplay from her head, neck, hair, ears, shoulders, back, lower back, stomach, legs, inner thighs, buttocks, breast, and yoni. Use your sensual acuity to calibrate whether she is fully comfortable with you exploring and bringing her pleasure in one area before moving onto a more “intimate” region. Take your time. Use the principles of two steps forward one step back to gradually ratchet up the level of sensual and sexual pleasure. For every new area that you explore, add it as you would add a color to your palette, and use it to create subtle hues that accentuate the beauty, magnificence, and divine feminine that you are drawing out of your Goddess. Weave the areas of exploration into a symphony of pleasure with the artistry of a master conductor. Have fun discovering the unique pleasure code and hidden erogenous zones for your Goddess. Amplify her erotic responses by applying your new discoveries. Give your Goddess the gift of the most blissful foreplay that she has ever experienced.
Stage III Phase II Sexual Exploration Exploration This is the phase that many of you have been waiting for! You have every reason to love sex because it is probably one of the most pleasurable experiences in human existence. Sex can also be one of the most beautiful expressions and culminations of passion and love. If you have practiced all the principles of growing into a complete lover up to this point, then sexual exploration would be a natural deepening of the level of connection that you already have with your woman. 254
Women love sex. They just want to have sex with the “right” man. Women hunger for men who are passionate, dominant, solid, present, and grounded, as well as sensitive, gentle, caring, and loving. You are growing yourself to be such a man. The energy that you bring and the level of connection that you develop with you woman will comprise 75% of the pleasure and orgasmic potential that you can co--create with her. The 25% that is left are techniques. Most men have it backwards and focus most most of their energy on techniques, how long they last, and positioning which results in less than spectacular sex by most women’s standards. That said, being a complete lover means growing yourself in all arenas, so developing great technique is also a part of your training. As long as you remember to focus most of your intention and energy on deepening your connection with your woman, the techniques are going to be super charged with the intimate energy that will drive your woman insane with pleasure. For this phase, we will be going over all the details and distinctions in using your fingers to pleasure her, stimulating her clitoris, exploring her vaginal vaginal channel, finding her GG-spot, probing her deep spot, stroking her fornix, oral pleasure, eliciting ejaculatory orgasms, sexual positions, accessing her clit during love making, thrust variations, expanding your primal energy in taking her passionately, passionately, ejaculation awareness, awareness, and Kiegel exercises for ejaculation ejaculation control. Yes, I could write another book just on sexual exploration, but instead of inundating you with massive data and techniques, I am going to teach you the difference that makes the difference. difference. You will learn the techniques 255
that have the most leverage in drawing out exquisite pleasure out of your woman. Once again, women are buying massive quantities of romance novels, not porn. What turns them on most is the heart connection that you generate with her. Practice these techniques so that you can integrate them and turn them into art. Once the technical aspect of sexual exploration becomes a part of you, focus and give women what’s most important to them, the adoration and love that you shower on them. Like anything, it will take time to master the techniques in this section so have fun continuously growing yourself to ever higher levels of sensual and sexual mastery.
Using Your Fingers One of the best technical skills to develop as a lover beyond your ability to connect on an emotional level is your ability to bring a woman to orgasmic pleasure just with your fingers. Regardless of how long you can last during sexual union, your fingers can always bring her to the orgasmic bliss that she desires which can alleviate some performance anxiety. Thousands of men were asked the question, “what is your main concern on the topic of sexuality?” The number one concern is how long they last in bed. This reveals how much men want to be men, men, to feel their “power” to last as long as they desire, desire, and to give as much pleasure as their women can handle until they are fully satiated. satiated. It is interesting to note that how long the man lasts puts a lot of responsibility on the man. This heavy responsibility than has generated the dynamic where men who are secretly afraid of the fact that they can’t fulfill or satiate a woman will start 256
calling women whores who love sex “too much”. For many men, there is also the mistaken concept that the longer you last, the more you can satisfy your woman. Let me ask you a question. If you had to choose between lasting really long and having your woman think you’re still bad in bed or lasting a decent amount of time and having your woman think that you are a God in bed, which one would you choose? Once the primal need to have sex is being met, most men have the core desire to give their woman so much pleasure that she absolutely worships worships his love making skills. Lasting long in bed is simply a means to an end, and it would serve you to once again shift the focus from yourself, to drawing out the most incredible pleasures out of your woman. There will be exercises later in the sexual exploration phase to help you develop your ability to last longer. Yes, lasting longer can help you continue to draw out and co--create the most ecstatic multi-orgasmic potential in your woman, but once again, the focus should be turned from how long “you” last to how much pleasure “she” receives. The amazing thing is that you’ll last longer in the process of making this focal point shift. Furthermore, unconnected sex or rapid fire sport sex is considered the worst kind of sex for women, so you could be taking Viagra, pumping away for hours, and she can still think that you are terrible in bed. Don’t take my word for it, go ask your women friends about this. You might be asking yourself, why am I going over how long you last in bed in the section on pleasuring her with your fingers. Well, your fingers are always hard. Yes, remember this phrase well, “Your fingers are always hard”. Most men, when they are focused on their ability to “perform” often miss out on this obvious fact. Your fingers will outlast your penis 257
any day, so if ever you are a bit anxious about how you will be in bed, just remember that you always have your fingers with you. In fact, once you give a woman 2-3 orgasms just with your fingers, you’ll already a better lover than most men she has been with. Now that I have reminded you of the fact that you always have the incredible orgasm inducing tool called your fingers, we will begin to go over the details of how to most effective implement this gift. In the previous phase we went into the smooth transition and the step by step progression of kissing, to caressing her head, face, hair, ears, neck, lower back, stomach, legs, breasts, and yoni. We will now thoroughly explore the plethora of ways that you can pleasure her yoni after you have reached this level of physical intimacy to unleash the pleasure potential from your Goddess. Through foreplay, we have gotten to a place where you are resting your hands comfortably on her bare yoni. Remember as you go through the sexual exploration phase that you are still incorporating everything that you have learned in the foreplay phase. Foreplay does not end, but rather gets amplified in the sexual exploration section as the two phases blend into each other. Whenever possible, continue to stroke her all over her body as well as take time to kiss her lips, neck, ears, breasts, and all over her body while you explore her yoni. With your hand rested on her yoni, you can begin to gently trace small circles over her yoni lips with your fingers. Just as you did during foreplay, take your time to explore her yoni as if you have all the time in the world. Especially if this is your first time moving past the erotic zones and touching her bare yoni, take the time to give her 1 to 3 258
orgasms with your fingers so that she is well pleasured before you move ahead to coco-create create sexual union with her. This will keep your mind on her pleasure and prevent you from moving too hastily toward the “goal” of sexual intercourse. This mentality will show through in the way you be with her and the attention and sensitivity that you have in drawing out her pleasure potential which in turn will allow her to relax and open even more into you which will expand her orgasmic potential. Know that her first orgasm might take 20 or 30 minutes. Many men might think that this is a long time which is “true” compared to how fast most men can cum. However, compared to most epic events like the Olympics, a concert, or even any professional sporting events, it is considerably shorter. If creating the most exquisite experience with her and drawing drawing forth multiple multipleple-orgasms from her isn’t an epic event to you yet, then it might serve you to treat it as one. In fact, her first 1-3 orgasms should be viewed as the first quarter of a football or basketball game especially if it is your first time connecting on this level with her. Just because you have reached the level where she is open and taking pleasure from having you touch her bare yoni doesn’t mean that you have to only keep your fingers there. Continue to tease her by coming in to stimulate her yoni directly, and then going out to the bikini line. This line and all along the bottom of her inner inner thighs are really sensitive. Gently stroking these areas can get her juices flowing so that as you contact her yoni directly, she will be primed for even more pleasure.
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Stimulating the clitoris right off might not be wise since the clitoris is so sensitive, and touching it with dry fingers might feel too rough for a woman. Thrusting your fingers right inside her yoni is also too sudden when she is not turned on enough to be well lubed for that kind of stimulation. Most women, when they like you enough won’t tell men that they are going too fast or too rough so as to not create a rift or even injure the man’s ego for not “knowing what he is doing”. I can’t really repeat enough the concept of going slower and lighter than you think at first. You will have all the time inin the world when she is truly primed and ready for you to unleash your wild passionate roaring animal in pounding her hard and fast. fast. In fact, she will want that part of you to come out and completely overtake her. Doing this right off the bat is what most women complain about, feeling used like a blow up doll, or like you are reenacting a scene from porn. Once again, you are becoming becoming a refined lover, and every step of the way, you can practice the powerful sensitivity that will give your Goddess levels of pleasure that she has never experienced before. With enough teasing and attention to her thighs, begin slowly and gently stroking the area right beside the labia majora or the outer lips of the yoni. Take the circuitous and scenic route to her yoni and clit. Many women have not had the experience of having a man take the time to massage just her outer labial lips between his fingers, so be that man who can give her this new experience. If the lips are still folded inward take your time to coax them open. Treat the lips like petals of a flower and delicately move along the center line to help the blossom bloom. As you begin to spread the lips a bit, take 260
each side of the lips between your thumb, forefinger, and middle finger and go in small circular motion from the top of the lips to the bottom of the lips. Go slow and repeat the same motion for the other side of the lips. In between these gentle caresses, you can run a finger up the midline and begin to coax some juices forth from her yoni. Be gentle, go slow, and most women’s juices will come out to meet your fingers. Spread the juices to the outer lips again and continue to massage the labia lips, varying the rhythm a bit and using gentle pulling motion to tease the lips open even more while giving a different sensation for your Goddess. After a bit of massage, her inner lips will be more exposed and the entrance to her yoni will be much more lubed up. You can tease with a finger at the entrance of her yoni, applying slight pressure, then use her juices to stroke just the inner lips, perhaps using small circular motion or a back and forth motion with the forefinger and middle finger. When her juices are flowing, you can take some of her juices and move it up to stimulate her clitoris. The clit at this point, still may not be engorged, and is likely to be well hidden under the hood. It might be too soon to peel back the hood to stimulate the clitoris directly, so go ahead and use the slick juices to stimulate the clitoris underneath the hood with super light and slow strokes.
Stimulating Her Clitoris Now that you have gotten her excited enough to begin to use her juices to coat her clitoris, I will go over some distinctions on how to touch her clit. Many women cannot have an orgasm from vaginal vaginal stimulation alone. Statically, less than 1/3 of women report being able to have an orgasm during sexual intercourse. This is because most men do not stimulate her 261
clitoris while having intercourse, even by consciously grinding his hips in a way that gets at the clitoris more. Later in the positioning section, I will share with you how you can access her clit with your fingers fingers as you are making love with her in almost any position, position which alone will probably double her orgasmic potential. By mastering this section and learning the fine distinctions on stimulating her clitoris with your fingers, you can incorporate all these techniques while you are making love to her so that you can be more skilled at making her have mind blowing orgasms during love making than probably 90% of the men out there who do not consistently stimulate her clitoris during intercourse. As I am talking about giving her orgasms, know that although the technical aspect will enhance your ability to give her pleasure, that it is only a stepping stone. Ultimately, any master uses the techniques to get past the techniques into the art of a craft. Initially, as you practice you might need to have a certain focus on the technique and her orgasm. This is similar to the fact that as you were first learning to drive, you had to focus on driving, and perhaps working the clutch and stick shift, but eventually, it becomes a part of your muscle memory. Once the “techniques” of foreplay and sexual exploration become a part of you, the bulk of her orgasmic potential lies in the depth of your connection, and within how much you can open her heart. The multiple orgasms then are a natural result of both of your bodies opening to each other with more and more profundity and flow. Keep in mind that orgasms orgasms are not the end goal as you keep a broader vision of what you are creating with your Goddess. With that said, that’s get back into the distinctions so that you can fine tune your skills and 262
capabilities in exploring her clitoris. Go really lightly on the clitoris especially in the beginning and make sure there is some lubrication either from your saliva or from her juices. In some instances, direct touch in the beginning might be too much stimulation for a woman, but this is usually due to the pressure, roughness, and insensitivity of the touch. In any case, gauge her responses and check in with her if necessary. Most men pretend that the clit is like his penis and simply go too hard or too fast, so follow the rule for going slower and lighter than you think, because you can always increase the speed and pressure when she is turned on enough. I have accelerated my distinctions in clitoral stimulation from practicing the orgasmic meditation at the One Taste Urban Retreat Center in San Francisco. The orgasmic meditation is an expanded method derived from various clitoral focused pleasure techniques. The sessions are timed in 15 minute increments where the women’s objective are to get ever more sensitive to their clitoral sensations while opening into the possibility of hour long orgasms while the men are practicing the awareness and mastery on the type of strokes, strokes, pressure, speed, and location that elicit forth the most exquisite pleasure for the women. For this practice which started at 7:00 am, I would wake up at 5:30am and go practice with a variety of women of all different colors, ages, shapes, and sizes. After some consistent practice and great feedback from individual women after each of the practices, I began to become more and more sensitive to the minute responses that each varying stroke would bring. Some of the intricacies range from the tones of her moans, to slight involuntary twitches of the muscles in the vaginal area, color shifts in the engorgement nt of the tone of the clitoris and labia, slight size changes and engorgeme 263
clitoris, clitoris lube and the difference it makes for the woman, the speed, tempo, and pressure changes that need to occur when a woman nears orgasm, strokes that bring a woman up versus bringing a woman down, the various parts of the finger and the varying responses and sensations they can give, which quadrant of the clitoris is the most sensitive, the direction that the finger approaches the clitoris and the variety of sensations that generates, the difference in strokes when stimulating the clitoris over the hood versus under the hood, hood when to apply more pressure versus backing off to elicit the greatest response, and gauging muscle responses on the labia, thighs, or toes for rhythm, pressure, and speed changes. I mention all the above things so that you too can begin to notice the minute changes with your lover, girlfriend, or wife. Whether or not you choose to have an orgasmic meditation practice with your lover, girlfriend, or wife, I would still highly recommend setting aside time to just pleasure her clitoris so that you get better and better in tune with her responses. With all the women I have practiced with, there are no definitive rules on what works the best with everyone, there are some tendencies that I will go over that will get you on a head start in being able to find the pleasure code specific to your woman. Practice makes perfect, so do co--create a time with your woman to discover together the finer distinctions in how to pleasure her. You can ask her, “Hey sweetness, you know, I would love to just take half an hour to pleasure you and to get your feedback on ways to bring you even more ecstasy, what do you think?” Any woman in her right mind would say YES! In fact, her eyes will get really big as if she has just won the lottery. She will have won the lottery in being with a man who desires to know her on all levels including the finer aspects of her orgasmic potential that few men take the time to fully discover. Setting aside this time will 264
also add to the level of intimacy between the two of you because she will feel like you care enough to actually want to know how to pleasure her better. If you do decide to co--create an orgasmic meditation practice, then I will go over some of the structural aspects of the practice so that you can get started on improving your clitoral pleasure mastery right away. Have your your woman lie down face up. Put Put your right leg underneath both of her legs while your left leg is over her stomach. Ground her energy in the beginning of the experience by just holding her hand, putting your hands on her heart, or looking deeply into her eyes. When both of you feel like you are present for the experience you can begin to put some lubrication on your left hand warming it a bit if necessary by rubbing your fingers together, and then slowly putting it over her entire yoni especially over the clitoral region. After you have sufficiently lubricated her yoni and clitoris, place the thumb of your right hand at the entrance of her yoni and push downward downward slightly. slightly. Your thumb will serve to ground her during the entire session because your woman can get so high during a session that a solid grounding is necessary to complete the circuit. You will then use your left forefinger as the main pleasure tool for her clitoris. You can peel back her clitoral hood slightly with just the left thumb, or with the left thumb and middle finger together while the forefinger accesses the clitoris. Start with a feather touch that moves about 1 millimeter every second so that your Goddess is getting used to your touch. The basic stroke is just a forward and back stroke over the clitoris although you can experiment with a horizontal, clockwise, or counterclockwise stroke. A light stroke will usually bring your woman up energetically where she is building up the 265
potential arousal and energy for her orgasm. The orgasm orgasm occurs when all the built up energy is releases releases via a down stroke which is a stroke with more pressure and speed. speed. Then you will return to building up more energy again with light up strokes to for her next orgasmic release. Some women from my practice want such light strokes that just my finger contacting the clitoris and lifting up slightly so that the “friction” between the lube and my forefinger is enough stimulation to bring her to incredibly high sensations. Yes, that’s how “light” you can go, experiment with your woman to see what she prefers. You can play with super light touches moving extremely slowly, and then speed up the pace while keeping your touch extremely light. There might be a tendency to put more pressure as you go faster, curb curb this tendency initially and go as light as possible while varying the speeds and directions of your strokes. Although the clitoris can seem small, location on the clitoris can make a huge difference for a woman. If you put a clock face on the clitoris, the 1 o’clock position has been found in general to be the most sensitive zone, but don’t take my word for it, find out what is the most sensitive spot for your woman. Also, play with the various directions of approach by coming from above, below, left and right. I have found that some women really like to have the underside of their clitoris stimulated, stimulated so you can curl your fingers a bit inward to get to that spot. Experiment also with the very tip of your finger, the pad of your finger, the sides of your finger, and even the nail or back of the fingers. Try coordinating the strokes of your finger to her breath, to her moans, to her heart beat which can be seen sometimes pulsing through the vein in her thighs, or to the the slight pulses of her yoni. yoni. You are building your sensitivity to every aspect of pleasuring her clitoris. Most of the time, 266
maintain your focus on her clitoris and notice all the minute details that might be occurring including slight color shifts in her skin tone around her public regions regions as well as her inner and outer labia. Yes, there will be color changes if you pay attention. Some times, you can close your eyes and feel into where to take her next to expand her pleasure. If you become sensitive enough, you can become more and more at one with what she is feeling so that you will know exactly how fast, how light, and at what locations to move next to bring her to ever greater levels of ecstasy. When you hear her moans or responses expand, quicken your touch to match it. When her moans get louder, you can try to put a bit more pressure on her clit, although some women don’t want the pressure to increase, just the speed. Ride the waves of ecstasy and pleasure with her from peak to valley and back again. Think of yourself as a surfer with your fingers and master every aspect of her oceanic orgasmic wave, wave and realize that every little change and shift can make a huge difference. Once you have had ample practice with isolating the distinctions on pleasuring her clitoris with your forefinger, you can play with pleasuring pleasuring her with all your other fingers on both hands as well as changing positions so that now your left leg is under her legs and your rights leg is over her stomach. If you can be almost as skillful in bringing her the most exquisite pleasure with the pinky in your left hand as your forefinger in your right hand, hand then, you will have reached a certain level of mastery. Having mastery over all your fingers in both hands will be really useful when you are making love with her and can dexterously access her clit from any position. Only practicing the technical aspect of a clitoral orgasmic meditation is incredible if you can keep the grander vision of drawing out feminine divine in mind. It is easy to get caught up in the 267
technical aspects of clitoral stimulation and forget that deep orgasmic potential is still accounted for mainly by the depth of connection that you have with your woman. Master the technical aspect of clitoral stimulation so that you can transcend it and transform it into an additional shade of color that you get to add to the amazing work of art that is your woman. Expand the knowledge that you have gained in pleasuring her clitoris into the flow of foreplay, sexual exploration, and love making iinn a way that is seamless yet applying all the distinctions that you have gained through the isolated explorations. explorations. Later on I will go over how you can access her clitoris from almost any love making positions which will then integrate your knowledge of clitoral clitoral stimulation into the grander pleasure of making love to her entire being. Your Goddess will be utterly amazed at the amount of mind-blowing pleasure that you can draw out of her.
Exploring Her G-spot, spot, Deep Spot, Spot, and Fornix Now that we have gone over some of the fine distinctions in pleasuring and stimulating her clitoris, we are going to incorporate dipping your fingers inside her yoni for an amazing addition to drawing out her pleasure potential. As you are stimulating her clit, you can now begin alternating between gliding up and down and circling the entrance of her yoni and using the juices to lubricate and lightly tease her clit. Continue feeling into her for the pace and location that she wants you to spend more time on as you glide up and down the length of her vagina up to her clit. When her juices are flowing, you can slowly put some pressure at the entrance of her yoni and gently slide one of your fingers in. As always, you want to lead her progressively, so I would not put more than one 268
finger in initially. initially. Let there be room for expansion, for more sensations, so start small, light, and gentle. Let your finger slide in an inch and then pull it back out, bringing even more juices to lube up her lips and perhaps go back up and circle her clit a bit more. Make her yearn for more. Do not start pumping her with your fingers right away. Start by slowly exploring her vaginal walls as if it is the 8th wonder of the world, world which it is, and take your time to savor every sensation from your fingers and the reactions that she has while your are exploring her in such an intimate way. While you are inside, explore all six directions of forward, backward backward, ward, up, variouss finger down, left, and right within her vaginal canal as well as variou movements of of stroking, stroking, circling, back and forth, curling, pushing, pushing twisting etc. Once you find a particularly sensitive spot, you can experiment more with that spot by apply more pressure, less pressure, increasing the speed, moving slower, and fine tune until you discover discover the technique and the rhythm that gives gives your Goddess the maximum pleasure. pleasure. Use these new discoveries to continue to amplify her level of pleasure. While exploring her in such an intimate way, it is always amazing to take the time to look into her eyes, kiss her, explore her neck, suck on her breasts breasts, etc. In the beginning this might feel like multi-tasking, but with practice, all the techniques will flow together and increase the sensual and sexual ecstasy that she experiences. While we are on the topic of using fingers to pleasure her yoni, I will go further into some distinction within her vaginal walls and the pleasure zones that can be explored. Throughout all this, remember that the more you feel into her, the more you will be connected to her, and this connection will allow her to open more and more to you. Furthermore, the 269
more you feel into her, the more you will get to exponentially amplify what already brings her pleasure. As you explore the inside of her yoni, one of the incredible spots to spend some time on is the G-spot. This is an area 22-3 inches inside her yoni that can feel a bit rough or have ripples on the roof of her vaginal channel. Remember that build up is extremely important for women, so take your time to circle this area, stroke it back and forth, and apply some increasing pressure to the roof area of her yoni channels. The exact location is different for every woman so take your time to get a feel for this super sensitive area. As you get to know her body more, you can be more precise with the use of the time frame, build up, rhythm, location, and touch that is most appropriate for your unique woman that will drive her wild. Some women are capable of having G-spot orgasms which feel completely different from clitoral orgasms. In exploring the GG-spot, alternate between the hooking motions motions similar to when you motion someone to “come here” and circular motions around the GG-spot area. area. Explore using various individual fingers or two fingers (middle and forefinger or ring and middle finger). Also use your left versus right hands so that you can access her G-spot in whatever position necessary with whatever fingers are available. Women love variety, and the feel of different fingers inside her might be a necessary component to drive her wild. In fact, sometimes having your pinky inside her might be the key to tapping her orgasmic potential, so take the time to become dexterous with the fingers you can most sensitively feel and stimulate her G-spot with, and expand that that knowing to all other fingers in both hands. 270
In the beginning, the practice of using less dexterous fingers or hands might feel awkward and overly conscious, so make sure you keep connected with your Goddess, and even ask her to give your feedback about what fingers, how many fingers, which hand, what motions, what rhythms, and what locations feel the best to her. Make it a fun coexploration. She will appreciate the fact that you care enough about her opinions to ask and are confident enough in your skills to not just plow ahead, but are constantly seeking to expand the range of pleasure that you can give her. Continue exploring the various patterns and rhythms while being around the area of her G-spot. As your woman’s responses continue to build and her juices are flowing inside, you can apply a bit more pressure to the roof of her channel and G-spot as well as speed up the motion of your fingers inside. You can sometimes press up to 2 inches up into the roof where the G-spot is, and when you have the proper amount of build up and speed, this will drive her absolutely insane and can lead to a G-spot orgasm. Remember to take your time to slowly work your woman into a fervor. When the pump of her arousal has been primed, more stimulation will fuel her passion, and this is when you can give her the powerful pressure and speed she desires on her G-spot. In contrast to her clitoris which cannot necessary take as much pressure or direct contact before it becomes overly sensitive just as the hood of your penis can, in order to give her a G-spot orgasm, you have to keep up a certain level of pressure and speed for several minutes. Gauge and notice what kind of motion and 271
with what fingers will give you the most leverage in keeping this amount of stimulation going when she is ready. If you are only beginning to explore the inside of her yoni, I would refrain from even going for giving her a G-spot orgasm because of the intensity and build up that it takes. In the beginning, I would recommend you focus on giving her 1 or 2 clitoral orgasms and get her body to open up for the incredible ecstatic energy to flow. Then, if her responses continue to build as you stimulate her G-spot, do her the favor of continuing to amplify the pressure and motion even if your arms are becoming really sore. Backing off when she is ready to explode is incredible if it is intentionally crafted as a tease, tease, but if she is primed, and your arms are just tired, go the extra distance and serve her into her expanded pleasure and ecstasy. While you are exploring your woman’s G-spot, you can also alternate in exploring her “deep spot” which begins to stimulate her to the depth of her cervix. Every woman is built differently and some women may not respond much to G-spot stimulation, but may respond wildly to deep spot stimulation. I had a lover who can most easily have an orgasm from deep spot stimulation along with her clitoris and she felt like her deep spot was her G-spot, although the actual location would be 3-4 more inches inside her vaginal channel and contacting her cervix. Like I mentioned earlier, every woman is unique, unique, so do not get attached to a particular way of pleasuring her that may have “worked” with a former girlfriend, lover, wife, wife etc. Rather, pay attention to her responses in the present, because even the same woman may change in terms of what brings forth her most expansive pleasure as you continue to skillfully open her into territories she has never explored before. 272
In exploring her deep spot, go as far into her yoni channel as you can, and depending on the woman, you will usually contact a place where you can feel the slightly rounded shape of the cervix. If you reach in deep enough, you can also feel the slight split of the cervix where the sperm would enter to impregnate the woman. Around the cervix, two tunnels also known as the fornix split off into the left and the right. At the deep center, you might even be able to curl the tip of your fingers behind the cervix depending on her positioning. The region of her cervix is the deep spot that can create some absolutely explosive and mind blowing pleasure for her. Exploring the roof or floor of this deep region with your fingers can drive some women absolutely wild. Usually, this is reserved when your woman has built up a certain level of turn on and she is already fully in the energy of passionate exploration. At this point, reach as deeply as possible and probe, circle, and tease the deep recesses near her cervix to expand your woman into the pleasure that she desires. Once again, try putting some pressure on the roof or floor of this region as well as the rounded tip of the cervix and gauge the response from your woman. If she is really enjoying it, try turning up the speed and pressure in this region. She might want you to keep going for awhile in this manor, so keep up the pace that elicits the greatest pleasure from her. While in this deep region, you can also explore the fornix region which are the channels on either side of her cervix. Some women absolutely love the unique sensations of actually having a finger going to an area so rarely explored. Go all the way back perhaps even a tiny bit past her cervix into to right or left side. For some women you can feel where this region corners and you can press or hook your fingers deep inside these deep 273
left and right channels. The effect I have experienced is that these two left and right regions of the fornix can give her a vaginal orgasm just like the GG-spot can. Take your time and explore this region and use back and forth, horizontal, tapping, or circular strokes to give your woman exquisite pleasures that she never knew was possible. Now that you have gotten many distinctions in exploring the inside of her love channels, integrate the clitoral stimulation that you have learned previously for a symphony of sensations that will drive your Goddess insane with pleasure. You can begin to use the hand that is not exploring the inside of her yoni and apply all the mastery that you you have gained gained in stimulating the clitoris. In the beginning, this might feel awkward because you might be going extremely light in a circular motion over the clitoris while applying heavy pressure in a back and froth motion to the G-spot. This ability to perform completely different skill sets and tasks with either hand is what will make you the exquisite lover who she will worship. As you gain the ability to pleasure her in all the various ways that we have gone over, continue to practice with fingers or hands that feel awkward in certain positions until it is as proficient as the dominant finger or hand. CoCo-create a space with your partner where you can have set times for just practicing and exploring and other times times where you are flowing in the art and connection connection of your love making. This way, you will get to progressively improve your erotic mastery while not losing the spontaneity that can make love making so delightful. The result of continuous practice will be that you will have more distinctions, more conscious awareness, more dexterity, more sensitivity and better technical sensual skills than most men in the world who do not 274
put conscious attention on progressively improving their sensual and sexual skills. skills. Then, continuing to hone your ability to connect, open your heart, adore, and love women into a flowing Goddess and she will consider you in the category as one of the most amazing lovers in the world. This will benefit you for the rest of your life, so take the time to practice, practice, practice practice, tice, and turn the skills that you have learned into an art that becomes a part of who you are as a lover and use this art to open your lover and draw out the depth of her feminine divine.
Oral Pleasure Once you are able to skillfully give women incredible pleasures with your fingers, perhaps blissful sensations beyond what they thought was possible, then you can add to the palate of sensual experience by giving her oral pleasure. For many women, women, oral sex can be even more intimate intimate than sexual intercourse. intercourse. This means that they have to really trust you in order to fully relax into having you pleasure them in this way. One of the reasons for this is that women do not know whether you are going to fully enjoy the taste and smell of her yoni. The psychological psychological possibility of judgment and rejection may loom as largely largely as a women’s body image. This is why it is especially important to establish the connection and trust with your woman so that she can fully let go into the infinitely pleasurable experience of having you go down on her. Create the intimate space where she feels adored by you because this is the foundation through which her enjoyment and ability to have the most extensive, beautiful, and passionate pleasure stems from. Assure her through words words and body language that you would absolutely enjoy the experience of giving her oral pleasure, otherwise, don’t even go there. 275
Women are so sensitive that it is always best to do things from a place of genuine enjoyment, otherwise you are shortchanging both of you from the grandest gift of ecstatic sensual bliss that you can both experience. It goes without saying then to choose a woman who you are genuinely excited to be with, so that your excitement, enjoyment, enjoyment, and adoration of her exude from every pore of your being. being. This way she gets to have the incredible reflection of the Goddess who she is and for you to draw out her feminine divine. From this foundation, every time she is with you, she gets to feel even better about herself because you naturally show her the aspect of herself that is adorable. You deserve to be with a Goddess who you are really into, so have confidence in your self and go for and choose women who are worthy of the caliber of man you are growing into. Before giving your woman oral pleasure, you have already progressively gotten her to enjoy your skills in pleasuring her just with your fingers over her clit and inside her vaginal channels, G-spot, deep spot, and fornix. You may have already co--created some delicious orgasms with her. From here, she will already be in the flow of pleasure that she will be up for almost anything that you lead her into. As you explore her clit and the inner recesses of her yoni, you should continue to practice everything that we have gone over in the foreplay section including touching, caressing, and kissing her all over. You might be kissing her passionately on the lips while moving gracefully to her cheeks, ears, and linger a bit at the neck while continuing to pleasure her yoni with your fingers.
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From there, you can glide down with your mouth to circle her areola with your tongue for a bit before licking the tip of her nipples several times and alternate between doing this and taking the whole nipple between your lips and inside your mouth. You are sucking on her incredible nipples slightly while using the tip of your tongue to continue to circle it. Continue this for as long as you can enjoy these marvelous sensations and don’t forget about the other breast. From here you can trace downward to her stomach with your tongue or lips, perhaps pausing at her belly button and explore that with your tongue a bit all the while continuing to pleasure her yoni with your fingers. At this point she is usually beside herself with pleasure and and really sinking into the incredible experience that the two of you are coco-creating together. You can then continue downward to the outer regions of her thighs, kissing near the bikini line before going along the inner thighs to her knees and then heading back up and kissing around the bikini area and doing the same on the other leg. By now, you would have communicated on a body level that you would like to taste her delicious yoni by exploring the regions around it with your tongue and lips. She will knows that you are intending to give her oral pleasure, and if she is moaning and gasping as you explore her inner thighs with your mouth, then you know that she is anticipating and desiring that initial contact of your mouth with her yoni and clitoris. Take your time and have her anticipation build with or without your fingers already inside her. Take the time to just breathe some hot breath on her yoni and kiss all around the outer periphery of her yoni as well as her inner thighs. Remember to build up the energy and anticipation as much as possible because her burning desire for your mouth on her yoni will only make the experience that much more luscious for her when it occurs. 277
When you feel like you have properly built up the experience, then go ahead and make that initial kiss or lick on her yoni lips. You will almost certainly hear her gasp from this new sensation. Kiss her lower lips gently a couple of times before going outward to her inner thighs to tease her some more. From here, you can gently part her lips with your tongue and go up and down the length of her labia up to her clitoris and back down again. While you are doing this, if your hands are free, you can be gently stroking her thighs or reaching upward and gliding the tip of your fingers over her nipples. These additional stimulations can add so much to a woman’s experience as long as it does not detract from what you are already doing to pleasure her and your presence in connecting with her. As you are licking her yoni lips, you can also turn your head so that your lips are parallel to her yoni lips. This way you can begin to kiss her yoni lips as if you are making out with her by taking just one side of her labia between both of your lips and licking or pulling it slightly and then switching to the other yoni lip just as if you are kissing the upper and lower lips of her mouth. Many women don’t have their yoni kissed just like their mouth, so take you time to “make out” with her nether lips and create that intimate intimate sense of connection. connection. From there you can begin to slowly guide your tongue up the crevice between the lips until it meets with the bottom of the clitoris. You can apply everything that you have learned about pleasuring her clitoris with your fingers and replace the fingers fingers with you tongue. Begin by lightly and slowly licking the bottom of the clitoris and gradually exploring the various sides of the clitoris from the top, bottom, left, right, front, and underneath. After some exploration, you can peel back the hood of her clitoris for even more direct stimulation. Just remember that the clitoris 278
can be super sensitive especially when the hood has been lifted, so do not go too fast in the beginning although the tongue is soft and wet enough to give you more leeway. Imagine the clitoris as being the head of your penis, and too much of the wrong stimulation could feel intensely awkward, like having your feet tickled, so gauge her responses and adjust accordingly. From licking her clitoris, you can go back and forth from exploring her lips and putting the tip of your tongue inside her vaginal channel, before heading up to explore her clitoris some more. When her responses from your stimulating her clitoris is getting more and more pronounced, you can increase the speed at which you are licking. At this point, you can also put more pressure on the clitoris by putting it between your lips and stimulate it with a sucking motion. Another Another way to apply more pressure that many women absolutely love is to take the top of her clitoris underneath underneath your upper lips, upper teeth, teeth, or gums while supporting the underside with your tongue. tongue. With the support of the solid backdrop of your teeth, you can apply quick pressure back and forth with your tongue against her clit. You can also move the clit from the inside of the teeth to the outside of the teeth with your tongue or with a rapid sucking and spitting motion. Remember that this can be really intense for the woman, so apply it only when she is ready for this kind of stimulation and many times it can carry her over the top to an incredibly rapturous orgasm. While you are stimulating her labia and clitoris with your lips and tongue, most women love the simultaneous sensation of having a finger or two inside her. Combining your fingers and tongue give your woman the best of all worlds of having her inner inner walls, GG-spot, deep spot, and fornix stimulated along with having her inner and outer lips and clitoris clitoris pleasured 279
by your tongue. Skillfully combing the two, varying the speed, tempo, location, rhythm, and pressure in the various locations can drive your woman completely wild with desire and pleasure. You can also reverse the traditional roles of mouth on clitoris and fingers inside her and stimulate her clitoris with your fingers while probing the inside of her yoni with your tongue. Another possibility is to stimulate her love channels with one hand, her clit with the other hand, while also licking her labia and her clit. Your woman will absolutely love all the attention, combinations, and incredible sensations that you are creatively drawing out of her, and she will worship you for the skills, presence, and rapture that you continue to lead her into.
Ejaculatory Orgasms Once you have gotten your Goddess worked up either through giving her 1 or 2 clitoral orgasms, masterfully stimulating her G-spot, deep spot, and fornix, or a combination of all of these pleasurable explorations, you may begin to feel the G-spot fill up a bit with fluids and bulge out the slightest bit on the roof. Some women, at this point are capable of the “ejaculatory orgasm” or Amrita. Many men will try to make this a goal because like a male ejaculation, it gives them an “absolute knowing” that she had an explosive orgasm. Remember to make your deep deep connection connection to her and eliciting her feminine divine your goal, not any external checkpoint, even orgasms. This will allow you to be present in the moment and be in your body feeling into her pleasure flow rather than being in your head trying to “accomplish her pleasure”. Practicing this principle will paradoxically give her bigger, better, and deeper orgasms.
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To reach the level of Amrita requires a deep level of opening, surrender, letting go, and trust in your woman. Me and my current girlfriend did not get to this level of connection until we have explored each other sensually and sexually for two months even though I already knew how to technically elicit an ejaculatory orgasm. Many times, I will feel her fluids fill and Gspot bulge knowing that the ejaculatory orgasm could be right around the corner, but she will actually tell me that that would be too deep and that she is not quite ready for that intensity. Once again, for most women, her pleasure and orgasms are emotionally based and she may consciously or unconsciously be holding back her orgasms because she does not want to be so open, surrender to, and be anchored to you yet until she is sure that she can fully trust your care and adoration for her. Due to the level of intimacy necessary, I would not try for Amrita the first time you make love because there are simply too many factors, and you are still just just getting to know each other. other. Furthermore, when the Amrita is ready to be released, it might feel like peeing for the woman, as the fluid does come out of the urethra but originates from the female Chemical hemical prostate also known as the Skenes or Paraurethral glands. C analysis has also shown that Amrita has a high composition of glucose (sugar) and the enzyme prostatic acid phosphatase phosphatase which is a major component in male semen without the sperm which urine does not contain. You may have to psychologically create a space safe enough for your woman to totally let go and trust you enough to feel that you would not judge her for this kind of explosive orgasm, or knowing that this kind of orgasm can even occur. When you feel that your woman is primed, which 281
means that she has had at least 1 or 2 orgasms, her GG-spot has a slight bulge, or she is getting wet enough that as you stimulate the the roof of her vaginal channel and GG-spot there are slight sloshing sounds of fluids building up inside, inside then you can increase the speed and pressure on her Gspot. Once again, feel into what type of position, motion, and specific fingers would give you the most leverage in the power and speed necessary to elicit an ejaculatory orgasm from her. The motions necessary to co--create Amrita with her may be a fast side ways motion, circular motion, or an up and down motion. When you feel her juices building up, really press into the roof where you are almost helping her to squeeze the fluids that have build up in her GG-spot or Skenes Skenes gland out through pressure and speed. This might take longer than you think, especially the first time, so prepare to have your arms be tired. You may even have to switch hands to really stimulate her to have this level of expanded orgasm. When your woman does have Amrita spew forth, it is an amazing experience. It might be so intense, so opening, and so different than any other other orgasmic experience that she has had that she will curl up into a fetal position from the amount of release and openness that she just experience experienced. It is best to be really gentle and loving with her at this point and hold her close while gently kissing her face and neck while telling her how amazing she is. She has trusted you to open up this much, so nurture and adore her and take the time to honor the experience that has just occurred. Do not rush back into sensual and sexual exploration until the two of you have fully delved delved into the depth of the experience. Any further exploration will then continue to build on the ecstasy and bliss from this experience and connection. 282
The Fine Art of Making Love After you have given your woman 1-3 orgasms with your fingers, lips, and tongue, and perhaps even an ejaculatory orgasm, she might be so turned on and absolutely demand to have you inside her. When you have built her arousal, opening, and surrender to this degree, then we are entering the incredible territory of sexual intercourse, the combining of Ying and Yang, love making, and the merging of the divine masculine and the divine feminine. We are now within the realms realms of possibly one of the most pleasurable experiences in human existence. Most men learn the “art” of sexual intercourse through porn, the most readily available form of “sexual education”. In most porn, the emphasis is not on the deep and intimate soul connection that occurs within the fine art of love making, but rather on visual feasts and exaggerations like bigger breast, bigger penises, harder, faster, stronger sport sex, and acrobatic positions. It is no wonder that so many women complain about the quality of sex, because the “standard” that most men measure themselves by are the exact exact measures that constitute “bad sex” for most women. There is a definitely a time and place for hard and fast sex. In fact, in the proper context of adoration, intimacy, and love, that primal energy of passionate sex will expand your woman’s pleasure pleasure exponentially. Yet, without the context of sensuality, depth, and connection which are the qualities that fulfill most women, the sport sex turns what could be a spiritual experience of communion with each other into just another physical experience that could even turn into a chore or obligation. 283
If you have followed the guidelines for taking your time to turn her on, using your newly acquired distinctions in foreplay, in pleasuring her with your touch, fingers, tongue, lips, and mouth, and if you have already co-created a few orgasms with your Goddess, then the transition to making love with her can be a natural amplification of the adoration, passion, and love that you already feel for each other. other. When she is within the energy of orgasmic bliss, then usually she will be open and relaxed enough to continue deepening the level of intimacy that the two of you have already established. There are still instances where she might feel hesitant in moving toward the amplification of your bodies merging together together because on a biological level, this is a huge decision that could get her to carry your baby. She may feel like she still has to determine whether you are truly the person who she can trust to care for her enough on a biological level to “stick around” and protect her, and provide for her, and on a primal biological level to co--create life together. It is a huge task to ask for her to know the depth of your character from the perhaps relatively brief amount of time that she has known you, so even if it takes a bit more time for her to feel grounded in the decision to make love with you with all of herself, give her the spaciousness to choose you with all of her being. Then, when the moment comes and she is congruent in her opening, her pleasure and orgasmic potential are going to be that much more amplified because there are fewer emotional and mental blocks of fear, worry, and doubt about her decision to totally merge with you.
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From this place of honoring her, adoring her, and loving her, you can lead her gently to sexual union and see if she is comfortable in co--creating this next level of intimacy and pleasure with you. From giving her some incredible pleasures already, slowly shift your position so that you get on top of her as you continue to kiss, touch, caress, and lick her all over. Take your time, and when in doubt, give her another mind blowing orgasm with your fingers before positioning yourself in a way where your hips are right on top of hers. From here, look deeply into her eyes, and move in a way where your penis is right on top of her pubic hair. This sub-communicates that you are ready to make love with her and you can usually tell whether she is ready to move to this next level by the response that she has to this position shift. If she giggles, pupil dilates, sighs, moans slightly, pulls you even closer toward her, and any of the opening responses, then you know that she is ready. If she tightens, has a look of still trying to figure out whether she is ready for love making yet, turns her head away a bit, or any of the closing responses, then back off and take the time to just stroke her face, kiss her lips and cheeks gently, massage her and let go completely of the need to make love with her. This will relax the situation so that she can take her time to feel into whether she desires to make love with you tonight or wait for another day. There are women who are not looking for a “relationship” and perhaps don’t even want to be emotionally engaged in the sexual experience. They are usually experiencing some stress in their lives and sex can be a great stress relief and bring some quick pleasures to their lives. Just like most men are happy just to get laid in the beginning, women can be happy settling for the pleasure of sex, but almost all women if they could choose, 285
would have a deeply fulfilling experience of incredible intimacy, connection, and love. Even for women who “just want sex” giving her the spaciousness to fully choose to have sex with you will turn her on on much more because you are not needy or clingy. Many times, women who just want sex are also afraid of risking her heart because she has been disappointed or hurt many times. This then results in a holding back of her fullness which has a direct effect on the level of sensual and sexual pleasure that she can experience. You as an amazing man trained in the fine art of being a lover can help relax her shield of protection and serve her in a holistic opening that would blow her mind in terms of the level of pleasure she can experience. The way you respond to a woman when she is “not ready yet” will tell her a ton about your personality, and may be a final “test” to see whether you are a solid enough man for her to coco-create this level of pleasure with. with. When you feel into her and her body opens and sub-communicates her desire to make love with you, then communicate to her in a way that expresses your desire for her by saying “You feel so good, it would be incredible to make love with you”. Notice that you are asking her indirectly for her full co-creation in the love making experience. You are making a claim on your desire for her, and then granting her the space to respond. Making the claim and statement is more powerful than asking for her “permission” to make love to her, because she still desires to “be taken” and at the same time be respected in her choice in having this deep experience with you. This way of approaching and bridging the sexuality gap is especially applicable in these modern times when the first time is 286
usually with a condom, which would make it pretty awkward if you start to go for your condom and put it on and she tells you that she is not ready. The final verbal check allows you to bridge into the deepest level of connection gracefully. Once you get to the point where you are getting to the level of sexual union with her, she should be well pleasured with your fingers, and the entrance to her yoni should be well lubricated with her juices. As you prepare to enter her slowly, she will either guide you in with your hands or you can part her lips gently with your fingers and place yourself gently at the entrance to her yoni. Once again, take you time, you have gotten this far in your connection, so take the time so savor every sensation along the journey. If she is not not fully juiced up, just leave the head of your penis at her entrance and her juices should begin to flow naturally. Take your time to move ever so slowly in entering her a bit before pulling back slightly and then going in a bit deeper. Inch your way inward slowly until you are fully inside the warmth of her yoni. Remember to look into her eyes deeply and hold her close to you as you consummate this level of communion so that the resulting dance can be that much more delicious. Now that you are here, do you just pump away and maybe switch positions a couple of times? Well, sure if you want to disappoint her immensely in the kind of lover she thought you could be given everything else you have learned up until now. In the next section, we will explore the finer points and distinctions within love making and while continuing to focus on her heart opening which will all combine to create the most explosive sensual ride together.
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Over 2/3 of women can only have an orgasm from clitoral stimulation. Take this statistic and combine it with the fact that most women’s clit does not get stimulated directly during sexual intercourse, and you will understand why many women are frustrated at their inability to have an orgasm during intercourse. Combined with the proper connection, one of the ways you as an amazing lover can facilitate her orgasmic pleasure is by stimulating her clit while making love. One of the most impactful aspects of love making that most men miss out on is the fact that you can access your Goddess’ clitoris with your fingers while being in sexual union with her. If you spend 25 percent of the time during sexual intercourse with your fingers simultaneously pleasuring her clit, she is going to have so much more expansive pleasure and orgasms than if you did not put any attention on her clit at all. This does not mean that sexual intercourse is not pleasurable for women, it’s just that to take a woman woman to her full explosive pleasure potential, you should seize the opportunity to stimulate her clit during intercourse which is something that most men do not consciously make the effort to do. The varied sensations of having her yoni deeply penetrated contrasted with having her clit stimulated will also amplify both sensations and continue to overload her senses with incredible pleasure. As you are just beginning to foray into the territory of making love with your woman, take the time to relish the incredible incredible sensations of merging with her deeply before incorporating the added stimulation of pleasuring her clitoris right away. In fact, languish in the sensations of just making love with her while looking deeply into her eyes, kissing her gently on her neck, or stroking her hair while being inside her. 288
My girlfriend has said to me, “Most “Most men have sex as a doing, and you make love as a being.” Most men are so focused on how they are performing that they forget to fully sink into the moment and enjoy the precious experience with their woman. The inexperienced men gauge how he is doing by the “response” that the woman is having. This generates a tendency to go bigger, faster, and rougher because these usually elicits a more exaggerated response but does does not necessarily equate to a more pleasurable experience for most women. The “doing” mentality arise from trying one technique after another as if women are mechanical things and that if a man can just press the right buttons, he can achieve the “goal” of giving her an orgasm and then he will have a “reason” to feel good about himself or brag to his friends about the stud that he is. The “being” mentality comes from enjoying the sensual and sexual experience so much that there is no “goal”, no place place to go, no where to be, nothing to accomplish, except being fully present in the moment cherishing the coco-created moments of bliss with your Goddess. Ironically, “being” will get you to the “goal” of blowing her mind with pleasure usually much faster than “doing” which can break the connection which is the foundational source of her pleasure potential. A more refined and experienced lover knows that slower, softer, and lighter, can actually create more pleasure for women even if she is not giving an exaggerated response in the moment. From this place of ultra sensitivity, when when you contrast these potent moments with passionate, animalistic, and raw sex, sex, your Goddess will erupt with the force of a live volcano into the most ecstatic pleasures possible. 289
Make love with her as if each one of your strokes is a deep and long kiss caressing her yoni. Breathe fully into the connection and feel the pleasure throughout your whole body. Explore the various length, timing, and pace that flows with her natural rhythm. Take an eternity to be as close to her as you can, kiss her as much as you, and use love making to deepen the incredible connection that you have co-created with her all this way. With this foundation and context of profound intimacy, adding your dexterity of pleasuring her clit during love making can take her rapture up another level. Remember that whenever I go into technical aspects of pleasure, it is to give you the distinctions and frames of reference to ultimately transcend the techniques so you can focus on the most important aspect of connecting even deeper with your Goddess. Take the time necessary to practice the technical aspects so that you can use them as tools and varies brushes to put just the right touch on your artwork of pleasure. As for the technical aspect of accessing your Goddess’ clit during love making, you you can reach her clitoris with your hand while in any of the three major positions of man on top, woman on top, from behind, and almost all of their subsequent variations. variations. Practicing this one distinction alone can double the amount of pleasure and orgasms that your woman experiences because you are adding a dimension that may not be fully explored otherwise through normal intercourse. From the man on top position, you can access her clit with your left or right hand inserted between both of your stomachs. From here, you can simultaneously be moving in and out of her while independently stroking her clit with your thumb, middle, or forefinger. If her clit is not well lubricated, 290
use some saliva or lubrication from her yoni, otherwise, the added stimulation can feel too rough and harsh rather than pleasurable. Since there is already pressure from having your hand between your bodies, the tendency is to put too much pressure on the clitoris too soon or to go too fast. Remember, especially with the clitoris, go lighter and slower than you think in the beginning. As you are moving in and out of her, you can couple the movement with feather light touches to her clitoris, at a speed that is in rhythm with your strokes, or in a 2 to 1 ratio where every two times you go in and out of her yoni, you give one stroke to the clitoris. Play and experiment with he varying rhythms and ratios of thrusts to clitoral strokes as well as tthe speed and pressure with which you pleasure her clitoris. Just this one simple addition to your love making repertoire is going make a huge difference in fully eliciting her pleasure potential. The second major way to access her clit from the man on top top position is to reach around her legs and access her clit with your left or right hand from underneath. I love this way of accessing the clit because it does not put a hand between your bodies and can therefore feel like her clit is magically being stimulated as you make love to her. You can harness all the experience that you have gained in the isolated practice of stimulating her clitoris and apply it here. Due to the hand positing, what you may be used to in stimulating her can be reversed, but the vertical, horizontal, clockwise, counterclockwise, tempo, and location variations for unlocking her clitoral pleasure code is still up to you to discover. There is also the huge added dimension that you are connected to her yoni now with your penis so the key is to make it feel like
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the clitoral stimulation is an added bonus rather than the main event of your delicious sexual connection. Experiment between the two main ways of accessing her clitoris from the man on top position and feel into what works the best for both of you remembering that the connection between you is more important than any techniques and positioning. If accessing her clitoris in the moment would be too awkward and hinder your connection with her, then let go of the technique and take the moment to connect. Remember, your connection to your Goddess is more important and trumps any possible techniques in the moment. For the woman on top position, you can most easily access her clitoris with your hand resting against her stomach and and using your thumb to stimulate her clitoris. You can also turn your hand slightly so the fingers are pointing upward toward her yoni and accessing her clitoris with your forefinger or middle finger. The woman on top position is also the position where you can most easily stimulate her clit without the use of your fingers by the proper positioning and movement of her body. Minute shifts in positioning and how you apply pressure to your woman’s body can create very different sensations while you are inside her. In the case of the woman on top position where she is sitting or kneeling on top of you, she can be moving on and off your penis in a vertical motion. The other option is for you to slide her back and forth in a horizontal motion. The second option option naturally uses the pressure of her being on top of you and the sliding generates the friction on her clitoris in a marvelous way. You may need to grab her hips and help create more downward pressure and to speed up the sliding back and forth enough for her to have delicious orgasms. This way of applying the right pressure to 292
her clitoris has generated multiple orgasms for many of my lovers so have fun playing with this movement until you have fine tuned it to elicit explosive pleasure out of your woman. The last major body positioning in love making is to enter her from behind. By wrapping your arms around her body, this is one of the best positions for using your fingers to access her clit because you have the use of the full dexterity of your hand and fingers to enhance each thrust into her. Not only does this position allow for deep penetration of her yoni since your penis can contact her deep spot and cervix, the combination of herr having the depth of penetration with the dexterous stimulation of he clitoris can be absolutely exquisite for her. Since one of your hands might be occupied with stimulating her clitoris from being behind her, you may have to learn to balance properly with your other hand and lean forward slightly in order to utilize the full force of penetrating her from behind while playing with all the possible clitoral stimulation combinations. If you are leaning forward already, take the time to hold her close to you from behind. Wrap your hands around her breasts and stimulate her nipples while you lean in to kiss her lips from the side or nibble on her neck from behind. You can also rake your fingers lightly across the side of her body as well as tracing patterns over her buttocks and lower back while you are making love with her from behind to generate the most exquisite pleasure and contrast of deep penetration with feather light touches. Use your other hand to continue to pay attention to location, speed, pressure, direction of approach, and stroke variations (horizontal, vertical, clockwise, counterclockwise) as you are pleasuring her clitoris. If you are 293
used to using your right hand in stimulating her clitoris while making love to her from behind, also strengthen your dexterity while using your left hand. Experiment with various fingers in teasing, stroking, and pleasuring her clit. As you are pleasuring her clit with your fingers, you can also create some variations with the thrusts that you are using to enter her. Remember, every woman is different and her unique pleasure code is there waiting for you to discover. Play with short, medium, and long strokes combined with variations of power, speed, timing, rhythm, and tempo. This means that you can have a short gentle stroke versus a short powerful stroke. You can also use rhythmic strokes that match the beats of the music that might be playing in the background. You can choose the beats you would like to match, for example, you can use long strokes to match the bass and short and medium strokes to fill in with a ratio of perhaps 4 short strokes to 1 long stroke. Turn love making into a piece of music you are composing with your Goddess. Play also with the angles that you are entering her yoni.. Instead of coming in straight every time, you can shift her body body or your body and thrust in from above, below, left, right, and any of the angles possible on a circle. In fact, you can thrust inward with a circular motion going in clockwise and pulling out counterclockwise and vise versa. Gaining the mastery of being able to precisely move your hips in all these ways will take some practice. This is also why many women will equate great dancers with great lovers, because if someone is able to gracefully and powerfully move to the beats of music, they are much more more likely going to be able to feel into the rhythm of a woman. This level of control 294
and mastery will benefit you for the rest of your life in your ability to take your woman to ecstasy, so take the time to practice the technical aspects of hip movements in order to incorporate it into the art of your love making. Speaking of varying the angles that you enter her yoni, you can use how you position your hands on her waist, butt, hips, legs, etc. to move your Goddess in the way that expands her maximum pleasure. For example, in the “missionary position” in moments where you are not pleasuring her clit, you can have your hands underneath her butt and lift her so that you shift the angles of where your penis contacts inside her yoni. With the proper angles, angles, you can consistent contact her deep spot and cervix versus her GG-spot and consciously direct the luscious sensations that you want to coco-create with your Goddess. Combing your ability ability to vary and direct the angles, length, force, rhythm, ratio, and quality quality of your thrusts thrusts along with your ability to pleasure her clit from any position, with any fingers, and with either hand will give you the flow necessary to create the most mind-blowing pleasures with your woman that will take her to realms of ecstasy that she never knew before. As you transition from one position to another integrate your fingers and thrust variations so that they become part of flow the love making rather than odd additions. The smooth integration of all aspects of the sexual union will allow you to tap into her pleasure code and blow her mind over and over again. When you have achieved this level of proficiency with the technical aspect of pleasuring her, then you can focus on what’s most important in eliciting the most incredible incredible orgasmic and pleasure potential from her in the 295
energy, connection, and merging that you coco-create with her. Remember, you are gaining mastery over the technical aspects of pleasuring her so that you can completely let go of the techniques and flow with the art and magic of the moment and be able to connect with her on levels which will allow her to delve into the deepest opening into her pleasure potential.
Exploring Sexual Positions One of the most important things to remember during sexual union is to keep the depth of connection alive throughout the experience. Sometimes, one might get caught up in continuing to switch switch between different positions just for variety or compensating for the superficiality superficiality of the sexual experience. Most women crave to love and be loved from the core of their being and express this depth through the sexual union. Yes, positioning and techniques do matter, but as garnish to the connection that is the foundation, foundation not the other way around. If you can keep this principle in mind, the variety of positions and techniques will indeed embellish the sensual and sexual experience in the most fun, exciting, and delicious way possible. On top of all the thrust variations and stimulating her clitoris during love making, one of the main ways to spice up the sexual interaction between you and your woman with the proper connection as a foundation is to make shifts in sexual positions. Instead of going over all the possible positions in sex, I am going to give you the main positions positions and the underlying structures structures that allow you to know how to create amazing variations within these main positions so that you can “memorize” them, embody them, and transition between them within the artistry of a sexual 296
virtuoso. The three major positions that will serve as the pillar for your love making are man on top, woman on top, and from behind. All the other positions will be slight shifts from these three main positions. From any position that you and your woman are in, you can make a shift in the body plane and change your sexual positioning. There are 6 body positions which include being positioned on the left side, right side, vertically (standing or inverted), horizontally, being straight, or being bent at an angle which includes sitting or being on your knees. There are 6 ways to change the direction of your body relative to each other including facing up, facing down, facing your left side, facing your right side, facing toward each other, and facing away from each other. There are also 6 main leg positions including being together, apart, horizontal, vertical, extended, and flexed at the knees. Take a moment to go over these in your mind right now and realize the simplicity of the concept. Combine the 3 major sexual positions (man on top, woman on top, from behind) with the 6 body variations (left, right, vertical, horizontal, straight, and bent), with 6 directional variations (face up, face down, face left, face right, face toward, face away), and 6 leg positions (together, apart, horizontal, vertical, extended, and flexed at the knees), and you have hundreds of possible combinations. Memorize these 3 sexual positions, 6 body variations, 6 directional variations, and 6 leg positions, and you’ll have the flexibility and positioning wizardry as if you have the sexual positing aspects of the Kama Sutra infused in your body. Be creative and take 1 variation from each and see what sexual position you can come up with. During love making, simply making one shift can totally change the dynamic and sensations that you
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are co-creating together and add to the amazing spice that is already there. I am going to give you some examples of the variations that can be implemented from the 3 basic love making positions. From the man on top “missionary” position, you can shift her to lie on her left or right side. This would give you both a totally different sensation as you enter her from the side. Her legs at this point can be together or spread apart so that one of your legs is between hers. Her legs can also be spread where one of them is kept up vertically with your hands. If she is flexible enough, her legs can be spread enough to hook your neck from the left or right side position. Still from the missionary position with the left or right body variation, you can also be on your knees, or you can be standing (vertical). If you are standing you can enter her by positioning her at the edge of the bed. Let’s return again to the man on top “missionary” position and explore some possible variations just with her legs. When you are face to face with her, her legs can be extended horizontally, horizontally, extended upward at 90 degrees (with the legs together you could move them over your left or right shoulders, with the legs apart they can straddle your shoulders), or extended back toward herself (if she is that flexible) together or apart. From the knees bent variation, her knees can be bent with the legs together on her chest, or they can be bent while straddling your body. You can also use your strength to lift her so that she is “sitting” on you while you are standing and you can lean her against a wall while having passionate sex with her. Still as a variation of the “missionary position” You can even invert her so her head is toward you feet while using the 298
directional variations to face her toward you or away from you for some additional acrobatics fun. Everything that we have gone over so far are simply slight variations upon the man on top position. Once you memorize these minor shifts, you will be much more in touch with spatial relationships relationships between you and your lover’s bodies. This will allow you to explore in the moment changes that can add different sensations, experiences, and interesting combinations to your love making. As a review again, from the 3 major sexual positions (man on top, woman on top, from behind), you can apply 6 body variations (left, right, vertical, horizontal, horizontal, straight, and bent), 6 directional variations (face up, face down, face left side, face right side, face toward, face away), and 6 leg positions (together, apart, horizontal, vertical, extended, and flexed at the knees). Memorize these, and they will serve you in coming up with fun ways to explore each other. Once again, do not get too caught up in changing positions. The ability to come up with new positions will definitely add some spice once a certain foundation of intimacy has been built. Remember, having deep connection in just one position for an hour is usually much more conducive in drawing out her pleasure potential than changing between 20 positions superficially. Now let’s take the woman on top position and apply some of the angular and positional shifts so you get some more ideas. With your Goddess on top of you, she can be lying horizontally face to face with you. You can shift your bodies so that she is still horizontal, but turn her 180 degrees so her head is opposite yours with her face down. She can then turn her face up and you can move your pelvis toward each other in the horizontal plane. 299
She can also then move from there to where she is sitting on top of you. From here, she can be facing toward you, facing to the right, facing to the left, or facing away from you where you would be seeing her back. back. As she is sitting on you, she can be sitting with her legs toward you together or apart, sitting with her legs to the side of her, kneeling and straddling you (play with the angles by leaning toward you vs. away from you), or she can be standing (vertical) if you are lying on a workout bench. Let’s take the third major sexual position of taking her from behind and once again apply some of these variation principles to give you some positioning ideas. As you are taking her from behind, you can both be lying down horizontally with you directly behind her. She can be kneeling or you can both be standing as you take her from behind. If you turn her body to the left or right, you would be taking her from behind with her lying sideways. One of her legs could be pointed forward while the other one is kneeling. Conversely, one of her legs could be pointed backwards toward you, curled around your waist, or even be above your shoulder while the other one is kneeling. You could also lift both of her legs up and have her support herself with her hands while taking her from behind. The variations that I have gone over are a small fraction of all the positions that are possible. Just remember the 3 main positions, 6 body variations, 6 directional variations, and 6 leg positions and be like an improvisational jazz piano player in inventing masterpieces of sensual flow in creative positioning. I want to emphasize, once again, the foundational aspect of connection, adoration, and love between the two of you as you explore the positional variations. The depth and intimacy between the two of you are what’s going to give her the most amazing, mind blowing, and multi-orgasmic pleasure on top of your mastery of sexual positioning. 300
Varying positions will add shades and color to the incredible painting of making delicious love with your partner. The level of connection that you have with your woman is the main dish while the technical aspects of pleasure and positioning are the garnish and spices that can enhance the meal experience. experience You would not go to a fancy restaurant just to eat the garnish would you? There are hundreds of positions that you can get into with the few variations that I have shared with you. The variations will provide you with the juicy, delicious, and luscious variety for adding zing and interesting flavors to your connection so master these details and continue to draw out and expand your Goddess’ most incredible divine feminine bliss potential.
Pleasuring Her Anus The anus can be a “taboo” region in many people’s minds. Most people have a fascination for all things forbidden. Just the fact that it is on some level prohibited can pique one’s curiosity. This curiosity when fully acknowledged can lead into incredibly delicious explorations that consciously and gently progress both of you at a comfortable pace. Otherwise, the exploration of this delicate region can turn into rough anal sex that serves the male sense of conquering while the woman may or may not feel completely respected in the process. Because the anus is an extra delicate region that can be torn without the proper care, all the sensitivity that I have mentioned throughout the book needs to be doubled in fully accessing the potential pleasure in this region. Keep the intention of serving your Goddess Goddess in the forefront of you mind. Not all women are served in the exploration of this region so take the time 301
to find out and delicately test whether she would experience more pleasure through her anus before moving on. Similar to ejaculatory orgasms, orgasms, you probably wouldn’t want to explore the anus if it is the first time that you are making love with your your Goddess. There are certain depths of trust and connection that is necessary for the full blossoming of the pleasure potential of the anus. One of the main keys in beginning to foray into this region is making sure there is enough lubrication. This is a good check, because if she is not over flowing with juices from the pleasure that you are co-creating together, then it is definitely not time yet to explore this region. When her juices are pouring out of her yoni from the orgasmic pleasures that you have elicited from your incredible love making, then you can venture to take some of the excess juices and spread it to her anal region. Use your middle middle of forefinger to gently glide the juices from the periphery of her yoni to her anus. You can access her anus from almost any sexual positions, and incorporating this region can be extremely pleasurable especially when you are already in the midst of your passionate love making. For some women, the comfort around the exploration of her anus will stop at gliding past it to for an additional sensation during love making. You can experiment with different strokes of back and forth, gliding, circling, and tapping while playing with various pressures, speed, and rhythm. If she is moving her anus away from your fingers as you are trying to pleasure her in this way, then stop and don’t go there for awhile. Also remember, you should not insert the finger that you have used to pleasure her anus back into her yoni due to the possibility of contamination. Be 302
especially sensitive to her responses to this region and go even slower and lighter than usual. Once she is fully comfortable with you gliding past her anus and even writhing, moaning, or gasping at the new added sensations, you can then play with applying some pressure at the entrance to her anus and her sphincter muscles while gauging her responses. If her pleasurable responses continue to intensify with this, then you can use minute circular motions to press into her anus a tiny bit more. Incorporate this exploration as you are making love with her to create amazing sensations and amplify the pleasures that are already incredibly exquisite. Take the two step forward one step back approach while you are initially playing with the anal region. Once you have pressed in past your finger nail, come back out and just glide around the surface of the anus for awhile. Go slower than you think. Take more more time than necessary. Once you have nudged past her sphincter past your first knuckle and she is really enjoying the added sensations, you can explore curling your finger in various directions and exploring various areas along the anal walls. As you probe deeper with you finger, you can actually use you finger to press against your penis and “move” your penis in directing it more precisely toward her G-spot or deep spot. You can also access her GGspot directly by pressing upward from the anal walls and pleasuring her G-spot as if you had your fingers inside her yoni, while alternating with the deep penetration with your penis. The combined sensations of your fingers in her anus while making passionate love to her can drive your woman absolutely insane. You can take “breaks” between her orgasms and pull your finger out to give her sensitive anus a rest before exploring further. 303
Many women do not necessarily prefer to have anal sex, so gauge your woman’s responses and ask and honor her desires around it. Ask yourself whether the anal sex would bring the two of you closer together, create a deeper emotional bond, and increase the level of intimacy with your woman as a foundation. If it does, then Goddesses who like anal sex will love this as an additional spice to your sensual and sexual explorations. Once again, anal sex is probably not something to explore if it is the first couple of times making love with your Goddess. Remember, most women love sex because of its deepening effect on the ability for you to adore, cherish, and love her. Anal sex often times move away from the intimacy and more toward the primal sexuality which is incredible when you have a solid enough foundation of deep connection. As with you fingers, but with even more care and with her full consent, enter her anus ever so slowly and gently and with plenty of lubrication. Whenever possible, stimulate her clitoris simultaneously so that she is experiencing the exquisite pleasures on both ends. Women who love anal sex usually have her G-spot positioned in a way that it is easily accessed through anal sex and can actually have a G-spot orgasm through the anus. Apply all the possible distinctions that you have gained within thrust variations to feel into the most exquisite combination for your Goddess. Go slower and gentler than usual especially in the beginning. You are delving into a sensitive area that takes a lot of trust for her to open up into. Cherish your Goddess for allowing you to pleasure her in this way,
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and this expanded level of trust can further deepen your connection and thereby bring both of you to even greater rapturous pleasures.
Expand Your Primal Energy Being able to pleasure her clitoris simultaneously as you make love to her should take up about 25% of your love making time. So what do you do with the remaining 75%? For the remaining time, you can focus on how to create the most intimate, connected, and adoring ways to make love to her contrasted by periods of raw, passionate, and primal sex. The dynamic contrast that brings you back to cave man times where you just grab her hair and had your way with her tempered by your refined sensitivity in relishing everything about her is what is going to drive her absolutely wild. Up to now I have placed a lot of emphasis on teaching you how to sensitively lead a woman into her opening. This is because once you you have these fine distinctions and your woman feels your mastery over your energy, then she can relax and trust you. With that trust, you can then feel free to expand your raw primal passion since you will know how to channel the massive amounts of energy in taking her into realms of wild and passionate sexual abandon. In fact, once you have reached the level of sensitivity and heart mastery where you can easily feel into her, be able to gauge her comfort level, move passionately forward when called for, and pull back when needed, then your next level of development as a lover is to hone, develop, and grow your primal, masculine, dominant, alpha, passionate, fiery, etc. qualities continuously. 305
Developing and growing these powerful sexual energies and channeling them into pleasuring your woman is a bit like how break dancing evolved into being. The large gangs in New York were killing each other left and right with so much anger, hatred, and violence channeled into destruction. The gang leaders, being true leaders who actually care for their brothers, ultimately did not want the killings to continue. They had to be big enough to put their differences aside and get together to find an alternative to the massive amounts of tension, friction, unstable, and violent energies that sometimes naturally result from growing up in the ghetto. This energy transformation is how break dancing came into being. The gangs now competed and battled each other with dance, channeling the massive amounts of energy they have into the art, power, and beauty that is this dance form. If you had no power or energy in the dance, then it looked impotent and wimpy. wimpy. If you you had too much power and no control, you would fall on your ass and look goofy. The combination of extreme power and extreme control became the essence of the masters of this dance form. I have emphasized the refinement aspect of being a complete lover throughout the book because most men do not have the distinctions to channel their raw energy into adoring and loving their woman. With control, refinement, and sophistication, you now want to progressively add more and more power, passion, and energy to push the art form of being a lover to its full potential. Even if you are a NFL Quarterback, once you have mastered the refinement aspect you will want to continue to amplify your masculine energy because this will give your refinement and exquisite contrast contrast that will absolutely drive your woman insane with pleasure. pleasure.
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One of the best ways to amplify your masculine energy is to get physical. If you are not involved regularly in a form of physical exercise, then start. The more your preferred form of physical exertion makes you grunt and tap into your primal energy, the better. Yoga is great for the refinement of your energy, but probably not for cultivating your primal passion where you can hurl a table across the room. This might seem funny to you now that I have spend most of the book telling to be as sensitive, as gentle, and as refined as possible and now I am telling to act like a caveman. Yes, you have now earned the right to be a caveman and to tap into that primal energy. Develop a killer mentality where you can “destroy” anyone trying to harm your woman. Learn to call upon the wellspring of energy available to you to make life exciting and adventurous for you and your woman. Develop the power to lift your woman up and carry her around. She can be 200 pounds, but if you can carry her around, she will feel more feminine. Lift weights, play competitive sports, take up a martial art, etc. If even these seem like too much of a stretch, then walk around the block, jump up and down, do some push ups, punch your pillows, etc. Do something, something, do anything, just start. Keep in mind that the point is to push and run massive amounts of energy through your body, to call forth the part of you that can break through anything out of sheer desire and determination, and the part of you that is a warrior willing to put it all on the line. Continue to be mindful of your distinctions and sensitivity as you develop your primal energy. This will keep you continuously in balance as as you amplify both capabilities. The sky is the limit. You ability as a lover can continue to develop flavor like a fine wine over time. Keep your mind open to learning about new ways to improve both your refinement and your 307
primal energy, and experience how much you get to continue to offer your woman and surprise her with the amount of pleasure that you can draw out of her.
Exercises for Enhanced Love Making As I have mentioned earlier, out of thousands of guys interviewed, the main concern around love making in most men’s minds is how long they can last in bed. As you develop your primal energy, it can be great to make love with her for as long as you and her desires. Make sure that the focus of drawing out the Goddess and feminine divine within her is still highlighted rather than a way to make yourself feel worthy. The latter desire is understandable considering that most men’s education about making love comes from porn where great sex is often measured by the size of the penis, the vigor of the sport sex session, the stamina of the porn stars, and the variety that is involved. Since criteria for porn are what most women would consider the makings of really bad sex, sex it is no wonder that so many women remain unfulfilled and unsatisfied with the caliber of love making from men. Vigorous sport sex might be just what she desires, but only from a man who cares about her and who also has the emotional range of being able to honor and cherish the subtle aspects of her being. The depth of emotional connection will remain the single most important factor for the makings of amazing sex for woman. Having proper technical mastery and the primal energy to make passionate love to her is also significant, but to only focus on techniques can easily lead to a guy fluffing his ego trying to to prove his prowess. prowess. This is the opposite of what 308
most women value in feeling adored and feeling seen beyond the physical and for the depth of love that is generated between the two of you. you. The ability to give her the adoration, love, and connection, along with the technical mastery and primal passion is the combination that is going to drive her absolutely wild. Why settle for just one mode of pleasuring her when you can give her everything? As a complete lover, you might as well develop yourself in all fronts, and the ability to last long after you have satiated your woman can be developed with practice. I will now go over exercises that will improve your ability to control when you ejaculate. The foundation in being able to control when you ejaculate ejaculate is awareness. The more precise you know how close you are to ejaculation and have the control to know when and how to back off, the more you will be able to last for as long as you like. You might be anxiously asking, “How do you gain this awareness?” You can practice this awareness through masturbation or have a conversation with you lover and begin to implement the following practice while making love with her. You begin with the arousal scale.. Note on a scale from 0 to 100, 100 being ejaculation, ejaculation, how close you are to the point of no return while masturbating or making love. Pleasure yourself or make love until you reach a level 60 and come back down to a level 50 either through taking a break, thinking about someone or something that turns you off, or any other creative ways you can come up with in getting yourself back to a level 50 which is half way to ejaculation. Next, go up to a level 70 and come back down to 50. Then, 80 to 50. This is followed by going up to 90 and coming back down to 50. Then 95 to 50. Finally 99 to 50. Just having the patience and control to allow yourself to come back down to 50 from 99 will begin to 309
give you the reference point of what it takes to back off during actual love making. What you can do as you come down to 50 while you are making love with your Goddess is to stop and remain inside her while looking her deeply in the eyes, tell her how amazingly beautiful she is, how incredible she feels, share some great qualities that you appreciate about her, or even pull out and pleasure her with your fingers or mouth. You can take this opportunity to practice all aspects of oral pleasure, pleasure, finger pleasure, including accessing her clitoris, G-spot, deep spot, and fornix before entering her again. again. Remember, “your fingers are always hard.” It might take you 5 or even 10 minutes to get back to a level 50 from the heat of love making. Know that a 10 minute detour will only add to the overall energy of your love making and that when you enter her again it can be that much more delicious if you just gave her another orgasm via oral pleasure, G-spot, or pleasuring her clit. The dynamic interplay and variation of changing not only the positions that you get into during intercourse, but smoothly transitioning in and out of intercourse will add incredible spice to your love making while allowing you to last a lot longer. The second part of the exercise in awareness is to move the baseline up from 50 to 60. For example, now you are going up to 70 and coming back down to 60. After that go up to 80 and come back down to 60. Then, up to 90 and come back down to 60. This is followed by going up to 95 and coming back down to 60. Finally up going up to 99 and coming back down to 60. After this, you move the baseline from from 60 up to 70 and repeat the whole process. After each round you progressively move the baseline from 70, to 80, to 90, to 95, and then 99. From 310
there, if you can, repeat the cycle again and move the baseline back down to 50 before moving it to 60, 70, 80, 90, 95, and 99 again. As you move the baseline up, the refraction period will shorten which will increase the possibility of going over the point of no return. By practicing the arousal scale, scale, your masturbation self love session might last for over an an hour which most men do not usually take the time to enjoy. If while you are masturbating, you body gets trained to orgasm in 3, 5, 10, or 15 minutes, then that same training will likely show up in your lovemaking as your body involuntarily heads over the point of no return just out of the groove that you have created in your masturbation practice. This is not to say that you should not give yourself the pleasure of having a quick release when you have had a hard day, or to just give yourself that quick pleasure. In fact, once you have ejaculated once, it is much easier to have this practice because the tension that is built up has already been released so that once you can get yourself hard again, you will have a lot more control during the second masturbation session. Like anything worth learning, practice makes perfect. Realize that even as Michael Jordan made it into the NBA, he continued to practice, perhaps even more than before. If you have the desire to become great at anything, then the road to that level of mastery takes practice. Plus, this will probably be one of the more pleasurable practices that you can engage in. Set it up so that it becomes something that you look forward to. Play your favorite music, watch your favorite porn, have your favorite drink around to enjoy during your refraction period, and make it an experience that will benefit you for the rest of your life. Like I shared earlier, when I first started making love, I would last 5 to 10 minutes because my body was used to me hiding and having to masturbate 311
and get a quick release. Today, making love for an hour or two is average and if I can get myself to this point, you can too. The formula is simple, so start your practice and begin to gain awareness and control over over your ejaculation. After you have gained awareness of your scale, you can now physically increase your ability to last longer through the Kiegel exercises. The Kiegel exercises exercises are used in strengthening the pubococcygeus muscle, muscle, or PC muscles which can help you gain control over the muscles that usually spasms involuntarily during orgasm. orgasm. The easiest way to get in touch with your PC muscles is to stop your pee in midstream while going to the bathroom. The same muscle that you would use to stop your pee is the muscle that you can use to gain more control over your ejaculatory responses. If you have never gotten in touch with these muscles before, then you should begin to practice by stopping your pee in midstream 7 times every time you go to the bathroom for at least the first week. Like anything new, this will seem challenging at first, but it will get easier with time and as your PC muscles strengthen. Once you have a clear sense of where these muscles are located, then you can practice strengthening your PC muscles anywhere. I would recommend practicing at least 3 times a week where you would do 100 quick squeezes of your PC muscles. You can do this while driving, watching TV, eating, in a business meeting, on a date, standing in line, and doing virtually anything. You should also practice doing 10 longer clenching and releasing of your PC muscles that lasts from 10 seconds to 30 seconds. Within a week or two, you will notice a difference during your love making in being able to last longer and in having more control by strengthening this muscle. Just as working out strengthens the muscles in your body, flexing your PC muscles will strengthen your ejaculation control. 312
Incorporate the Kiegel exercises into your arousal scales during masturbation or love making. Once you are getting close to the point of no return, you can flex and hold your PC muscles and they can hold off your ejaculation. Once your PC muscles get strong enough, you can actually have an orgasm without ejaculating sperm because your PC muscles are holding the sperm back while you are still having your full orgasmic responses. I have only personally achieved this once or twice so there are still more fun practices in stored for me. There is an interim exercise that will help you feel into how you can have an orgasm without ejaculating. First you have to find your perineum. The perineum is roughly located in the same location as your PC muscle and technically between the pubic symphysis and the coccyx. It is roughly between your balls and your anus. anus As you are continuing to practice the scales exercise and Kiegel exercises, there might be times when you go over the point of no return. At this point, press the perineum hard. Sometimes, this alone can help you maintain your balance on the edge, other times if you are already too far over the edge, this can create the phenomenon of having having an orgasm while physically holding back your sperm. With practice, you will be able to find the point precisely and be able to hold back your sperm with some consistency even if you have an orgasm. One of the side benefit of this is that although you will probably still go soft, it might take you a shorter amount of time to get hard again to resume your scale practice or to continue making love. A final exercise that you can do in maintaining more control over ejaculation is a Tantric exercise that circulates the massive amount of sexual energy built up in your penis. When the arousal, passion, and 313
energy level builds to an overflowing level, then your body naturally has the ejaculatory response. By circulating the energy and moving it so that itit is now distributed throughout your body, you will be able to build up even more energy in your penis before the energy overflows. A secondary benefit to circulating the immense amount of sexual energy is that you will begin to get a sense of what a whole whole body orgasm feels like because the sexual energy will no longer be localized to your penis, but gets to open up the pleasurable sensations throughout your body. A third benefit is that with the exercise that I will be showing you, you will also be circulating the sexual energy up your spine and into your pineal gland which will awaken your third eye as well as your spiritual connection to the divine. The same muscle that you use to squeeze and stop your pee and have more orgasm control can now be used to send electrical pulses through your body. Try this now. Squeeze your PC muscle and intentionally send the energy up your spine and into your head. With practice and developing your awareness, you will begin to feel energy moving through your body as real as if someone was touching you gently. Direct your intention to sending the sexual energy that has been gathered in your penis or balls up your spine. The more you practice, the more you will clear the channel for the energy to travel up your spine. Overtime, Overtime, you will feel subtle pulses of energy go into your head as you do this. There is a saying in Huna Shamanism, “Energy flows where attention goes”. As you use your attention or intention to direct the sexual energy up your spine, you will be learning the subtleties of moving energy. Once you have moved the energy up to your head, if you are making love with you Goddess, you can touch your head to hers and send the energy back down her spine and then have her send the energy back into your penis and lower back. This creates a cosmic loop between the two of you which 314
can increase the level of energy and pleasure between you manifold. In fact, many times, you will be able to see light and colors from being infused with so much energy. In the communion phase, I will go further into the Tantric looping of your energy. Add the energy squeezing exercise to your practice of the arousal scale and Kiegel exercise. Do an additional 10 medium squeezes that lasts 35 seconds at least 3 times a week and feel the energy go up your spine into your head. When practicing with a partner, pull the energy up your spine and have her practice taking that energy and pulling in down her spine and funneling it back to you through your penis and creating a closed circuit. The three main exercises that I have gone over might seem simple, but you will notice a difference in your sexual control within the first week or two. Just like working out, you are building up sexual muscles, muscles, and whatever you train consistently consistently will get stronger. Take the time to do these exercises, especially the Kiegel exercise whenever you have a spare moment and you remember them. You will be handsomely rewarded by being able to last long past your lover’s point of satiation. I have gotten to the point where 90% of the time, I can go for as long as my lover desires to play. Then at some point, she will tell me “I am so satisfied, I want your gift”. This means that she wants to feel my sperm inside her and I can usually ejaculate within 3 minutes of her desire to “have my gift”. In some Taoist and Tantric traditions, you are supposed to completely withhold your sperm. From experience, yes, there can be an energetic release when you ejaculate, but I have found that my body readily regenerates and rejuvenates. Furthermore, I have found that absolutes on on 315
any topic is not in balance, holistic, holistic, or sustainable because they set you up to lose and turns the focus to the “rule” rather than being present to the experience and enjoying all possible possible outcomes. outcomes. The more important question you get to ask yourself would be does it bring your woman and you more joy and pleasure for you to ejaculate. Whatever the answer is to this question, follow that. Follow your bliss, and it will allow your energy to flow in your body and be more connected to the divine through it. From only being able to last 5 to 10 minutes and not knowing how to properly lead a woman to her pleasure potential to where I am now took a lot of development and practice. Whatever Whatever I have achieved, you can too. I absolutely know this. So take the time, be patient, have fun, and before you know it, you will be amazing yourself and your woman with the amount of pleasure and bliss that is available to both of you.
Action Steps for Sexual Exploration We have gone over a lot of material in this section. Keep in mind as your practice all the materials in this phase to continue deepening your connection with your Goddess to amplify the technical aspects of sexual exploration to its its maximum effect. Keep you eye on the goal of integrating the techniques so that they become the art of love making. Begin by mastering your ability to draw out 1 to 3 orgasms out of your Goddess just with your fingers. Stimulate her clitoris, as well as explore her vaginal channels, G-spot, deep spot, and fornix with your fingers. Experiment with varying strokes, pressure, speed, and location that elicit the most blissful pleasure out of your Goddess. 316
Once you become good at giving incredible pleasure and giving your Goddess multiple orgasms just with your forefinger in your right hand, include all your other fingers in both hands just like you would in practicing the scales on the piano. When your pinky on your left hand is just as adept as your forefinger in your right hand in pleasuring your Goddess, then you will have reached a certain level of mastery that will allow you to flow that much smoother in creating symphonic orgasmic music with your Goddess. From here, incorporate oral pleasure into the mix for even more possibilities for mind-blowing pleasure. When she is so well pleasured, so aroused, and so blissed out from the depth of your connection, adoration, and love as well as your seamless execution of incredible techniques, you can naturally lead her into even deeper connection of sexual union. Practice the ejaculatory awareness and Kiegel exercises so that you can last as long as you would like to bring rapturous ecstasy to your Goddess. Add spice to your love making by adding the 6 body variations, 6 directional variations, and 6 leg positions to the 3 main sexual positions. Access her clit 25% of the time as you make love with her and incorporate thrust variations as well as unleashing your primal energy in taking her into realms of pleasure that she didn’t even believe was possible. Have fun with all of this, and grow yourself in becoming one of the most incredible lovers you can possibly be.
Stage III Phase III Communion
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If you practice everything that we have gone over in how to connect deeply with a woman who you fully choose and to masterfully draw out her most exquisite sensual and sexual potential, then she is going to be experiencing so much mind-blowing pleasure that she will look at you with incredulous eyes wondering what angel sent you from the heavens to give her this gift of ecstasy! From here, in having mastered the artistry of amplifying your primal energy, gaining refined control over channeling the wildest passion into the softest touch, flowing from one technical technical distinction to another seamlessly, and connecting to the depth of her heart, heart you are now ready to move to the subtle level of communion which will take your capabilities as an incredible lover up yet another level. The level of communion is a total merging with your Goddess. It is about subtle energy awareness through which you can feel into what she is experiencing in her body. You are dissolving dissolving the apparent physical boundary and allowing yourself to experience your Goddess so deeply that it leads leads to your ability to experience the pleasures that you give her as your own. This allows you to pleasure her even more masterfully because you are feeling into what next movement, pressure, speed, and rhythm would bring her the maximum amount of bliss and rapture. You are able to telegraph her deepest desires desires and pleasures because the sensations will begin to arise in your body and guide you naturally as to where to go next. In the beginning this may seem far out, but with the proper intention you will become more and more aware of the subtle energies that occur during love making. You can take your sensitivity to a whole new level which translates into the degree that you can draw forth your Goddess’ maximum feminine flow through all the stages and phases of the 318
relationship dance. Any new awareness that you gain will allow you to pinpoint and amplify her ecstasy. So you might be asking, “Where do you even begin to move toward communion?” The first question that I would like to ask you is, “Do “Do you energy??” like her and adore her enough to want to merge with her energy Another way to phrase it is that if you were to take on her qualities, would you like yourself better as a person? If the answer is no, then you probably would not necessarily want to explore the level of communion with this person, because in communion, you are merging with her so much that her energies become a part of you. If there are reservations about her, then it probably wouldn’t serve you or her to truly commune with her. This goes goes back to choosing to play with women who you feel are at least an 8 out of 10 on your your scale. scale. This way, the level that you can give of yourself, and the possibility of her returning the same level of love, worship, and adoration to you can inspire both of you to become much more than who you can be alone. Choose someone who can inspire you to stretch beyond what you would normally give and be as a person and to the world. Choose someone who draws forth your passion for her and for life. Then, merging with her energy would serve to enlarge and enliven you and who you grow to become in the world. Give yourself this gift gift and choose a woman worthy of the incredible lover you are developing into! After you have gotten to a place where you are consciously choosing your woman to the highest level, you can then begin the process of communing with her further. At this juncture, some of you might still ask why you would want to merge with her. Once again, if you do not have a desire to go deeper with your 319
woman, there are probably underlying issues where you have reservations about her. This can range from the way she looks, to her personality, to whether you would have great kids, to feeling restricted by her, to not sharing enough interests, etc. The process of communion actually magnifies the depth and degree of fulfillment, satisfaction, and joy that you are experiencing out of your relationship with your woman. woman. By having a solid foundation and really adoring each other, communion will allow you to experience pleasure, fulfillment, rapture, joy, love, and wild passionate abandon that only result from a deep choosing of each other and blasting through issues and reservations about each other. The process of communion can also accelerate both of your knowing whether the two of you would serve each other in growing to your biggest and brightest potential. You might discover when you amplify your energy with each other that you would serve each other better as friends. friends. Yes, some people might be ok with settling in a mediocre relationship that they stay in for years out of comfort, but if you are choosing to play at the level of communion, then finding out that the two of you are not compatible sooner will actually be good for you even if means the end of the form of relating that you currently have. Sometimes, only by the depth of connection and merging can you truly know whether you are a fit for each other. Through this process, you might also decide together that although you may not be relationship or marriage material for each other that it would serve both of you to be lovers. Out of the clarity of this knowing, there will be no false hopes or pretenses pretenses of “happily ever after”. With this clarity, the level that you will
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be able to relate and pleasure each other will expand exponentially and this new structure might serve in both of your growth in the present. As you can see, one of the intentions of communion is to accelerate the clarity and full alignment toward the brightest possibility of who you get to grow into through your relating with your Goddess. Whether or not you want this or are ready for this is up to you. Just know that in opening this door with your Goddess, the pleasure potential for both of you will once again be multiplied multiplied manifold. manifold. When you play on this level of choosing each other, opening to each other, and using each other as a portal to the divine, the energy of pure ecstasy will then become available to you.
Moving Subtle Energy Since energy is subtle, sometimes it may be more difficult to gauge your progress in gaining energetic sensitivity. Whatever we focus on consistently will expand in our awareness, so have patience, and as your sensitivity increases and you are able to direct energy to create and elicit subtle pleasures out of your woman, she will point it out to you. One of my past lovers, when we first began to explore sexually with each other would ask me “Oh my God, what was that, what are you doing!?” We would have our clothes on, and by moving energy she felt like I was already inside her. You can apply your new sensitivity within the realms of your sensual and sexual exploration as well as in your daily life. In fact, since the attraction, connection, and communion stages are circular and not not linear, any skill that you learn can enhance all aspects through all the stages. 321
Recall the exercise in the last section where you are moving the energy that has been built up in your groin up your spine into your head, and then circulating this energy into your lover’s head and have her move it back down and back into your sex center. In just practicing this, some of my lovers have experienced an incredible amount of white or rainbow colored lights filling their head, head, expanding their sense of sensual and spiritual pleasure as well as dissolving the boundaries between the physical and the none physical, leaving them in a state of incredible bliss, relaxation, and pleasure. As you move the incredible sexual energy up your spine and into your head and then circulating this energy with your lover, you will be building up so much energy that it will be overflowing. At this point, you can move this energy and expand it to your entire body. Instead of simply moving the energy up your spine, feel it expanding expanding outward from your spine to your whole body including the tips of your fingers and toes. As you do this and feel into the multi-orgasmic bliss of your partner, you will begin to experience a pleasure so deep, intense, and beautiful that it will feel like a whole body orgasm. When you are merged enough with your lover, you will be able to feel every orgasm and quiver that she has as if you are having that sensation yourself. With the energy expansion from your spine, you will be able to feel it through all parts of your body. Draw her orgasms to the tips of your fingers and feel what it feels like there. there Move the energy of her orgasm to your heart and feel it there. Flow her orgasms to your belly button and experience that sensation. Allow this level of energetic sensitivity to propagate through every touch, sound, smell, and sensation. This will then magnify and exponentially expand every pleasure that you 322
co--create with your Goddess. By reaching higher levels of awareness in energy and co-creating deeper levels of communion, you come ever closer to your highest pleasure potential.
Breathing with Your Goddess Another potent way to increase your awareness of energy and subtle sensations is by breathing together with your Goddess. Within Huna, Hawaiian Shamanism which I practice, and many other spiritual traditions, the breath is one of the most important aspects in connecting with the spirit within you and the elements around you. In Hawaii, when there were any important decisions to be made within a tribe, the Kahunas, chiefs, elders, and shamans would sit together and breathe together for 6 hours before having a conversation about making a decision. Yes, you read correctly, they would breathe together for 6 hours. They synchronized with each other for that amount of time so that their decision will come from a place of deep understanding that we are all one sharing and co-creating the best decision for the tribe. Being able to feel and understand the highest intention within any disagreements that result from different interpretations of what would be best for the group allows for a cooperative solution that would serve the highest intention for the group. Similarly, when you begin to breathe breathe in sync with your Goddess intentionally, you create a commonality, bond, synchronicity, and rapport that will allow you to feel into the co-creation that is the merging and combination of the two of you. This is the starting place of communion 323
where the edges of you and her dissolve. Wanting the the best for her becomes the same as wanting the best for yourself, and serving her becomes serving yourself, loving her becomes loving yourself. yourself She becomes a divine mirror for the level of joy, peace, love, adoration, and bliss that you are capable of giving to yourself as a gift. It does not take 6 hours to begin this process. In fact, 5 minutes of breathing together will be an incredible start and you will begin to notice an expansion of your awareness and your ability to feel into her. Do this exercise with your Goddess and lead her in creating more depth in your love making. Ask her, “Would “Would you like to breathe breathe together for 5 minutes before we make love so that we can experience each other more deeply?” No Goddess in her right mind would refuse such a delicious request, so take the time to co--create this with her. Even if you are not making love with a Goddess yet, you can ask to breathe with your date to feel her more. Tell her the story about the Kahunas and ask to breathe with her for 5 minutes and look deeply into her eyes during that time. The communion that results will holographically be reflected into all other aspects of how you relate with her. Another breath related exercise that will expand your awareness of subtle sensations and enhance your communion with your Goddess is to breathe breathe with your whole body. Instead of only breathing through your mouth, first imagine breathing from your stomach and your diaphragm. This will naturally deepen the level of your breathing. Next, imagine taking in air and sensations with every inch of your skin as well as exhaling through every inch of your skin. Breathing through your skin works especially well when you are naked with your lover and you can really begin to sense the subtle respirations that 324
do occur through your skin, and you open your whole body up to taking in the nourishment all around you. Feel into your pores opening, receiving, and sensing the subtle air currents around you which will naturally allow any touch and body to body contact to be magnified and the pleasure to be enjoyed that much more. With this level of skin breathing and energy awareness, you will also be able to commune with your Goddess more and more by breathing her in with your skin. Along with all theses exercises, the mental mindset and intention of creating the most intimate, deep, and luscious connection with your Goddess will infuse this co-creation of communion into all your subsequent interactions. Ask yourself these core questions: questions: “What would allow me to feel into her even more?” “What would allow me to breathe, speak, touch, and be even more in sync with my Goddess?” “How can I use her as a divine mirror in how much I can give of my love, adoration, and in drawing out our pleasure potential?” “How can I merge even more into her and ultimate into the flow of divine energy all around us?” “What mindset and level of presence would I need to embody to feel into her even deeper?” “How can I choose her with every cell in my body so that she gets to experience the fullness of my power, love, and consciousness?” 325
Ask these questions and allow yourself to feel into the answers instead of thinking the answers into being. Your body has so much wisdom waiting for you to tap and it’s waiting to give you and your Goddess rapturous pleasure you have not even conceived of.
Completing the Communion Cycle In achieving higher and higher states of pleasure, bliss, and ecstasy, if these sensations are not integrated into your everyday life, then the gap between these states may have you wanting to “escape” rather than grounding these incredible realms of pleasure. In completing the circle in the communion stage and phase, we need to ground these new skills, sensitivity, and wisdom into “reality” so that we can to give our gifts of newfound opening, connection, and wisdom to the world. This will allow you to link the spiritual connection with your physical life so that the pleasure pleasure of pure connection with the divine, your lover, and your life becomes linked together together. ther. Rather than feel the contrast of “harsh reality” compared to the refined pleasures of making love with your lover and merging with her and the divine, you can begin to shape your life so that your daily experience becomes ever closer to the pleasure pleasures res of making love. How do you do this? First, know that any sensations and feelings regardless of how and where it originates still have a resulting biological and neurological basis. This means that as you amplify your ability to experience pleasure and sense subtleties, more synapses are being created, created, and more neurochemicals are being fired off for you to have those sensations in your body. Once you have expanded your ability to experience this much pleasure, you can
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translate and call forth these sensations with practice to any situations in life. Humans are incredibly equipped with our minds so that if you simply imagine eating a really sour lemon, you will begin to salivate. Similarly, when you “remember” an event from the past in your mind, if the event was pleasurable you will experience pleasure, if the event was painful, you can experience emotional discomfort. Yet, anything that we “remember” does not “exist” exist” in reality in the present moment, but our experience of the memory can be as real real as if was happening right now. This is the power that you have in consciously directing your thoughts. People who are happy, are simply focusing and “remembering” more happy things than sad or painful things as a pattern of thinking, while unhappy people are focusing, “remembering”, interpreting, or holding onto more painful, fearful, and worrisome memories more of the time. This is where two people who were in the identical concentration camps can end up with totally different lives. lives. One can be homeless, destitute, and blame his circumstances for his being depressed, and one can be an inspirational speaker who exemplifies the beauty, grace, and power of the human spirit. The external circumstances remain the same whether you use those circumstances to to grow or shackle you. Neither the empowering nor the disempowering interpretations are “true”. They are simply filters that serve you in creating who you know to be your highest possibility, or to chain you in self-imposed limitations that can create pain, suffering, and a sense of helpless that actually resulted from you giving your power away. In this final phase of communion the two of you are building your references for the most ecstatic sensations and possibilities of pleasure. 327
You also act as mirrors and portals to the divine for each other. You are being reborn and reminded of the possible bliss and rapture that you can experience in your body. With this conscious remembering of pleasure, you can begin to tap the power of your mind and call forth that same level of energy throughout the day. Imagine what it would be like if you just had the most incredible sex in your life and right afterward, you are going to celebrate with your Goddess at a restaurant. The restaurant could be a hole in the wall rustic shack yet everything is going to have a shine to it. How would you walk in, how would you greet the hostess, how would you talk with the waiters, how would the food taste, how would you be with your Goddess if you both just had the most incredible sex of your life? Everything in your surrounding surrounding and in your interactions interactions would be phenomenal. In fact, the service might be slow, the food might be weird, but you would probably be having tons of fun from the afterglow of your experience. Now, simply remembering an especially amazing and pleasurable experience vivid enough with the proper intensity can get you to a similar “after glow”. glow”. Practice remembering at least 3 times a day for 3 days this week, the most exquisite, delicious, and pleasurable experiences that you have had and allow that to brighten your day. When you are full of pleasure, ease, and peace, it is easy to create what you want, give, and serve the world. Remember these incredible moments of pleasure especially when you are in a situation where you are facing challenges. Communion with you lover shows you what’s possible in accessing the full pleasure of connecting with the divine through her. When you are about to back away from going for your dreams, when you are about to focus on or remember a situation that dis-empowers you from creating what you truly desire, remember 328
what bliss feels like and what’s possible when you were merged with your lover and the divine. This level of bliss is your birthright, and this is the level of energy you can bring to the world and to any of your experiences. When you are in the depth of communion and love making, make mental notes notes of the amount of pleasure pleasure that you are able to run thr through your body, and remember this feeling often throughout throughout your day. Add color to whatever you are doing by giving yourself the juicy gift of remembering the pleasures that you have had. When you have trained your mind to think in this pattern, you will be surprised at the other instances of pleasure that that you will create create and draw into your life. People and Goddesses will be drawn to you because they will sense your connection to the divine and the ecstasy running through your body because you are tapped in. You will then be able to help them draw out their most brilliant and magnificent possibilities. The pleasure that you experience in the bedroom is then no longer contained in the bedroom. The more pleasure you experience, the more you can use this energy to create the reality you desire and to serve serve the world with your gifts. This is the completion of the circle in the communion stage, and it naturally feeds into the attraction stage again as you become more and more attractive to women and the world because of the increasing amount that you have to offer. As you develop your conscious sensitivity, technical finesse, sensual artistry, and sexual mastery you will grow as a person. Relatio Relationships are probably one of the most accelerated spiritual learning tools available so don’t be surprised if challengin challenging hallenging circumstances arise which call for every ounce of your ability to remember the love and grace you can embody. Through it all, you will grow beyond what you think is possible. The side 329
benefit of evolving into your highest possibilities as a man is that of cocreating the most mind-blowing pleasures and orgasms for you and your Goddess which is reason enough to continue to expand into your mastery of this sensual art!
Action Steps for Communion Communion Congratulations on coming this far along the journey on becoming an incredible lover with me. You have navigated through the last phase of the relationship dance. Although this is the last phase, it is not the end. In fact, it loops you back to the beginning so that you can go through the attraction stage with even more power, presence, and grace with your Goddess and everyone in your life. In putting this phase of communion in action, you first want to be particularly clear about how fully you are choosing to be with your Goddess. Remember the scales from 1-10 that I emphasized in the profound intimacy phase? You want to be pushing your level of passion, desire, and choosing of your Goddess closer and closer to a level 10 at this point. From a place total choosing of your Goddess, Goddess, you enter into a realm where you merge with her fully with your body, heart, mind, and soul. When you merge with her energy to this level, any pleasure that you cocreate with her will be your pleasure, any orgasms that she has you will be experienced in your body, and any leading that you do will be out of an almost telepathic ability to move both of you toward incredible levels of pleasure. 330
As you become more and more aware of subtle energy, you circulate the wealth of sexual energy from your penis up your spine, into your pineal gland, into her pineal gland, down her spine, and have it loop back into your first chakra. You create the space to breathe in sync with your Goddess as you spread the rapturous energy all throughout your body so that the pleasure is no longer localized around either of your sexual organs, but your both experience whole body orgasms and allow waves after waves of ecstasy to wash over you. With practice, you will experience, higher and more profound levels of pleasure than you thought were possible. It is important to then ground this level of ecstasy into your daily life so that this bliss does not become an isolated occurrence just in the bedroom. Remember this level of joy as you go for your dreams. Remember the height of pleasure when you interact with people in your lives. Remember this state of being when you meet with challenges and surmount them. When you can properly direct the ever increasing sensual and sexual pleasures into your daily life, you will experience shifts in every aspect of your being. You will become a more conscious creator of your life and bring more pleasure to everyone and everything around you as you live up to your higher purpose in life. Your evolvement as a complete lover then becomes a gift to women and the world. May you be pleasantly surprised at the amount of pleasure you experience along this marvelous journey.
Final Words
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I will end this book with a story about a little girl who asked to talk to her brother while her mother was pregnant, and the mother told the little girl that she will have to wait until her brother is born. In the hospital, after her brother was born, the little girl asked to talk to him again, but her mother said, “Not right now, wait till we get home.” After getting home, the little girl asked to talk to him again, and the parents consented, but stayed in the room. The little girl asked to talk to her baby brother alone. The parents agreed, went out of the room while leaving the baby monitor on, and were really curious as they watched from the monitor. The little girl got close to her baby brother and whispered, "Would you tell me about God, I am forgetting." Sometimes we forget the brilliance from which we came, and the journey of becoming a complete lover and mastering the sensual and sexual art of pleasure can help us remember our potential and implement that remembrance into our daily lives. May you have the most incredible, adventurous, fun, joyful, loving, and pleasurable journey through all of this, and may you and your lover embody the most incredible possibilities of brilliance, divinity, and ecstasy! I honor the place in you in which the entire universe dwells I honor the place in you which is of love, of truth, of light and of peace When you are in that that place in you and I am in that place in me We Are One Namaste 332
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